#I'll be two years on T in 3 days and I am so proud of myself for making it here

[toothr0tt]

If you have been considering HRT and hesitating for whatever reason this is your sign to just try it. You'll know long before anything permanent happens if it is for you I promise. Just do it.

[readychilledwine]

Broken

Rhysand x Winter Court OC

A/N- Happy day 3 of my Here's to 100 week! I wanted to give angst a try a few weeks ago, and I am kind of proud, kind of not proud of this piece. I think this is something that could become more, and I've left it open to more, but I don't really know if I want this OC to have a happy ending, or a tragic one. If I add to it, it might be a roll of the dice thing to decide.

Summary - Rhysand is finally home from the Mountain, but he's home with news that shatters Aelia, his wife's world, from under her feet.

Warnings - alludes to a panic attack kind of angsty.

Part Two Part Three

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

This wasn't a conversation Rhysand wanted to have with Aelia.  "It's not your fault," she whispered softly. "It's just the hand you were dealt. I get it." She stood and began to move to walk out of the room. She needed to leave the room. Panic had set into her chest, tears were beginning to form in her eyes. 

"Aelia," he strained out. "Please."

His heart was breaking as she dropped her hand from the door and looked up. He watched her hand run through her hair again. The snow blonde curls were a mess from her hands constantly running through it and pulling at it. He wanted nothing more than to brush it, to bring her to his bed, and to play with it. "Rhys, I need time. You need time."

"You're my wife. The mother of my child." His voice held a tone of desperation. 

"And she's your mate? I can't win here Rhys." Rhysand stood. Caging her body between him and the doorway. His head rested on her shoulder.  "I need to go, Rhys. I can't watch this."

"Please don't leave me." Her eyes squeezed shut as tears began to openly fall. He was breaking behind her, and she was shattering before him. Hundreds of years of love, of laughter, of joy. Hundreds of years, just gone.

"What am I supposed to do, Rhysand? Sit here and warm your bed until she realizes Tamlin isn't the one? I need to start looking for somewhere for Nyx and I to go."

"Your place is here. Our son's place is here. I don't want her, Aelia." His voice cracked as he began to sob. "I've only ever wanted you. I love you. I'm in love with you."

Aelia wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe none of this mattered. That the female he was bound to didn't matter.  She knew it did, though. She knew this changes everything between them. "You found your mate, Rhys. That's going to change."

His eyes were squeezed shut as he forced her into his chest. "No, it won't. I'll reject the bond." She shook her head softly. Azriel would murder her if she asked this of Rhysand. Azriel had dreamed of finding his mate. He had begged them to think getting married through, but they impulsively had. And Rhys had sworn her in as High Lady. And now they had a son together. A son who was 60 and would understand exactly what all of this meant. 

"I can't ask you to do that, Rhysand." 

"You aren't asking me to. I am telling you I'm going to." He forced her to turn in his arms, pulling her tight to his chest and holding her. "Just give me time, snowflake, please." She nodded. The smallest smile broke onto Rhysand's face, not reaching his eyes, as he kissed her roughly.

(1 Month later)

Cassian watched in silence as Nyx packed his things. His high lady was not dumb, but the choice she was making was stupid. And her son was blindly following right behind her.  "This isn't necessary," Azriel said softly to their nephew. "Talk to him first."

"What is there to talk about," Nyx turned to Azriel. "How about the fact that he fucked someone besides mom for past 50 years. Or the fact that the first thing he says to mom isn't something caring or loving. It's "I found my mate."  Azriel and Cassian shared a look as Nyx threw a few weapons into his bag.

"We've given him a month and now he's in Spring. With his mate. Instead of here with mom and me. Do you know how much I've actually seen my so-called father since he came home?" Nyx looked at Azriel, a raven brow raised. They all knew the answer to that question. 

Rhys had not made time for his son, nor his wife. When his own dreams weren't turning every waking moment of his reality into a nightmare, Feyre's were destroying him slowly from the inside. The moments Rhys spent with Aelia were spent loudly arguing. They were spent with the couple in tears as their relationship finally had to face 50 years of strain and hardship.

Nyx threw the shirt he was holding into his suitcase. His anger and sadness were radiating from him. "We're leaving. It's what's best for mom, for me, and probably for Rhysand." They knew better than to argue with the young male. The love Nyx had for his mother had always, and would always trump everything. Including his loyalty to his court, to the warbands, to his uncles.

"You are the heir to the Night Court," Azriel said slowly. "He isn't going to let either of you go without a fight." 

Nyx shook his head. "I don't give a fuck what I am to him. Carthanian, heir, illyrian soldier. I am my mother's son first." Aelia came back down the stairs with the bag she had been packing. She had been crying, but she forced a smile for her son. She had been forcing a strong outward appearance for the court and Inner Circle for the past month. She held her hand out to Nyx as he picked up his bag. 

"Are you sure, Nyxie?" They knew she gave him the choice. She had told Nyx he was welcome to stay. That she wouldn't hold it against him, but her son had picked her. He nodded to her, grabbing her hand in his and walking with her. Azriel knew where they were going, and Aelia knew her brother in law would know. She also knew he would not tell Rhysand until he knew if her heart was safe in his hands again. 

Azriel followed them to the door, his hand on her back as he whispered softly in her ear that he would be trailing them until he knew they were safe, that he would be checking in, that he loves them. Azriel watched as they winnowed with one last look shared between him and Aelia.

"He's going to lose his fucking mind," Cassian whispered. Azriel nodded to him slowly. "Does she know he's in Spring rejecting the bond right now?"

"No. All Mor told her is that he went to Spring."

Rhysand came home, hours later, to an empty house. The faelights were dim and the scent of his wife and son was fading as if they had not been here recently.

"Aelia! Nyx!" He walked around the Riverhouse. Checking every room for them. Each door opened felt like a nail pounding into a coffin as he found empty room after empty room. He stopped as soon as he hit his wife's office. Hands shaking and  silently praying to anyone who'd listen she would be inside. He opened the door and felt hope leave him.

An envelope with his name sat neatly on her desk, and Azriel and Cassian were in the room. The two refused to look at him as Azriel handed Rhysand the letter. 

Rhysand,

By time you're reading this, Nyx and I will have left. Mor let me know that you were going to Spring. That you were planning to see your mate. I do not want to stand in the way of your happiness. 

I know we always promised each other joy and peace. We just had hoped it would never come to us not being the source of those things for each other. You have brought me more joy and happiness in the past 300 years than I deserved to know, Rhysand. It is only fair I give you the same chance to find that.

Please know I gave Nyx the choice to stay. I let him know I love him either way, that you love him either way. Ultimately, we would both want him to be where he felt happiest. He made the choice to come with me. He said he may come back at some point, but his anger at this situation is… strong at the moment. I'll continue to try to talk to him and try to get him to come at least to the Moonstone Palace once a week to meet with you. Please try to understand things from his side. He's young. He's impulsive. He's hurting. This isn't what he had in mind, nor what he ever pictured, all those years he'd dream and talk about "when daddy came home." He loves you, Rhys. He's just lost right now. We all are.

I love you, Rhysand. I hope you find the bliss  you need and deserve.

Forever yours,

Aelia

Rhysand read the note over and over. "Where did she go," he growled. "Why did Mor not tell her why I was in Spring."

"We don't know," Cassian said. "We haven't seen Mor since she told Aelia."

"Where is she, Azriel?" The shadowsinger looked at his brother, taking a sip of the whiskey he had poured himself. "Az, where are my wife and son?"

Azriel shook his head. "They need time, Rhys. You also need time. You need to heal. To regain a grip on yourself and your surroundings. You rejected your mate, Rhys. For her and Nyx's safety, I need to keep you away from her." 

Rhys felt his hands shaking, tears beginning to fall. He felt his world crashing down around him. "I didn't even have to reject the bond. I spoke with Feyre about it and she did it. She flat out asked me why I'd be dumb enough to believe she'd leave the male she gave her life for just because of the Cauldron." Rhys chuckled bitterly. "And now my wife and son are gone." They watched as Rhysand sat down in a chair, staring out the window. 

Azriel knew this was a guilt trip. He nodded, playing with Aelia's favorite pen. "I will not tell you where they are. You will not guilt me into it, and if you command me to, Rhysand, I will never forgive you." Azriel stood and walked to the window. "I promise you she is safe. I have a shadow trailing both of them."

Rhysand scoffed lightly, refusing to look his way. "It is good to know where your loyalty truly lies, Azriel. Get out, both of you. I want to be alone." 

Cassian looked at Az, then Rhys. Azriel was taking the insult. He did not argue. He did not bite back. He was refusing to give Rhysand the fight the male clearly thought he needed. "Rhys, she-"

"Get. Out." The faelights flickered with Rhysand's anger, tendrils of darkness and mist flaring around him. "I'll find her myself. Since my spymaster is incapable of giving me the High Lady's location." Another insult Rhysand knew deep down his brother did not deserve.

He waited until the door shut, until two sets of footsteps and muffled voices faded. Once Rhys knew he was truly alone, he felt the first broken sob fully tear through his throat. He allowed himself this moment to fall apart, to break into one thousand tiny pieces as his heart fell from his chest. He allowed his breathing to become uneven, rushed. He allowed that feeling of nothing, yet everything all at once to hit him. That feeling of never being enough, of being too much. 

Cassian found him the next morning asleep on the floor to Aelia's office. "Rhys," he gently touched his shoulder. "Rhys, I have a letter from Nyx. It's for you. I need you to get up." Cassian needed to know the contents of the letter as much as Rhysand would. He shook his brother again, slightly smiling as he stirred. 

"Go away, Cassian." Rhysand's voice was like gravel, his eyes still slightly red and swollen. "Why the fuck are you here?"

Cassian held the letter up. "I need you to open this so we both maybe get answers. He won't tell me anything either, Rhys. He says once he knows she's safe from your emotional spiral, he will go get them. So, get yourself up and get your shit together."

Rhysand stared at the letter. At the gently practiced scroll of his son's handwriting. He took the envelope immediately, standing to walk to Aelia's desk, and taking out her letter opener. He read the letter once, then a second time to be sure, and third just in case before handing it to Cassian. 

The general read it slowly, processing each delicate curve of his nephew's lettering. "So, they're in Winter?" Rhysand nodded, his jaw tight. "Doesn't Kal believe you-"

"Yes." Cassian paused, knowing why she would have picked there, and knowing Aelia had longed to go home for a while now. "I'm banned from his court as of yesterday morning."

Cassian whispered softly in response. "Nyx is asking you not to come anyways, Rhys. He's asking you to give him and Lia space and time."

Rhysand nodded. "I can read, Cassian. Thank you." 

"Then let her go." The high lord shot him a look of shock. Of betrayal. "Let her go and let her come back on her own terms, Rhys. Show her you love her by respecting her wishes. We both know she is going to come back. Remind me of how deeply she told you she loved you?"

"Deeper than the ocean of Summer, stronger than the vines of Spring, with more passion than an Autumn fire."

"And with the purity of a fresh Winter snow." Cassian finished softly. "She'll come home, Rhys." 

Rhysand broke down again, and Cassian rushed to him, pulling his brother into a tight hug.  "That's so much easier said than done."

"I know."

"I love her." Rhysand sobbed heavily. "Cassian, I love her. I never once thought  about leaving her when the bond snapped. She carried my son. She risked her life to give me a baby. She risked her life so I could live my dream of being a father and now its all falling to shit, Cassian."

"I know."

Rhysand openly cried now. Hand forming fists in the back of Cassian's shirt. "I just want them. I love him. I love her." He repeated again.

"I know, Rhys. I know."

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

💌A Message From The Universe💌

P I L E 1 ~ P I L E 2 ~ P I L E 3

How to pick: Take a deep breath and choose between the three images above. It corelates with the message that is meant for you. Trust your intuiton; only you know what is truly best for you.

P I L E 1 ♡ ~ A New Perspective

Ten of Wands, The High Priestess, The Emperor, The Moon, Eight of Swords (Reversed)

You feel burdened. You feel disconnected from yourself and your intuition. I feel that the man problem, is that you don't trust yourself or your inner voice. Let that voice guide you. Listen to yourself because you know what is best for you. You don't have to listen to everyone who thinks they know what is best for you. With it being the holiday season and Christmas is days away, you may be around family that isn't all that supportive of you and what you want with your life. They have put you down since you were a kid but know that you are not that kid anymore. You are capable of standing on your own two feet and it's time to stop making excuses for their bad behavior. You don't have to keep that kind of negative energy in your life, even if they are your relatives. Just because they are blood related, doesn't mean you have to call them family. For a lot of you, this person is a father figure in your life, but they haven't treated you the way that a father should. You were a kid and you deserved better then, and you deserve better now. Your anxiety around this is very loud but you know what you want to do more than anything. You know what path you want to take, and you know what people you want to cut off. Let yourself be happy. Go into this new year prioritizing your wants, needs, desires, hopes and dreams. It's time someone chose you and who better than yourself. Open up your heart and your mind to new possibilities; a world where you can have what you want. It's time for a new perspective.

Channeled Song: I'm Tired by Labrinth ft. Zendaya

now the tide is rollin' in // I don't wanna win // let it take me, let it take me // I'll be on my way // how long can I stay // in a place that can't contain me // hey Lord, you know, I'm tired // hey, Lord, you know I'm tired //

if you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage and on p@yp@l at @oddlycozycottage

If you want a more personal reading, you can see how to book a reading here

P I L E 2 ♡

King of Pentacles, Seven of Cups (Reversed), Four of Wands (Reversed), Nine of Wands, Ace of Pentacles

You have been doing some spring cleaning around your life. You have been making changes that you saw needed to be made and it has really brought you back to reality; almost like you are sobering up. You could also be on a sobriety journey and if you are, know that I am very proud of you and I'm rooting for you. If no one else is in your corner, know that I am. You have been doing a lot of hard work and you should be celebrating yourself but, for some reason, you aren't. You may have this mindset of believing that you can't celebrate because there is so much more work to do. That may be true; we are all works in progress. That doesn't mean you shouldn't celebrate and be proud of how far you have come! I'm so very proud of how far you have come. You're looking at all that you still have to do, but you aren't paying attention to what you have done. You can rest, relax and bask in your victories. Take a break because you have earned it. You are meant to be prosperous, and you have new opportunities coming in and you should be confident in taking them because you worked hard to get them. Again, I am so proud of you and all that you have done. Keep going and do not give up.

Channled Song: A Brand New Day by The Wiz Cast

everybody, be glad // because our fear and dread is gone // freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully // just look about // you out it to yourself to check it out // can you feel a brand new day? // can you feel a brand new day? //

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If you want a more personal reading, you can see how to book a reading here

P I L E 3 ♡

The Star (Reversed), Two of Pentacles, Four of Swords, The High Priestess, Ace of Pentacles

Your head is not in the right place, right now. You are too focused on the negative and it seems that you have lost hope. You're working to balance things on your own and that is only making things harder for you. You may feel like you're at sea and the boat going up and down with the harsh waves. Let go of the things that you don't need and ask for help with the things that you cannot. I'm getting that you are very overwhelmed at this time. I'm seeing juggling and everyone keeps adding more and more balls, making it so hard to keep up. You don't have to take it. You are allowed to rest and to have some peace and quiet. You may be feeling like you can't take a break right now because, if you don't do it who will? I'll counter that with, why was it set up for you to be the only one who is able to handle things? Why is it you or nobody? Why can't people do it themselves? Sometimes, you just have to say, "if I have to do it, it's not going to get done," and that's that on that. You know that these people are capable and able. They just know they can rely on you to always do it. Stop being reliable. They need to learn to do things on their own and without you because you are not going to always be there.

I don't have a specific channeled song, but I am seeing vacations, beaches and just relaxing, which you deserve, so if you can get that, I suggest that you do.

if you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage and on p@yp@l at @oddlycozycottage

If you want a more personal reading, you can see how to book a reading here

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

We Are Ep. 14: Part 3/3

Hello again!! =D

Part 1 and Part 2

Warning: long post 😊😅 (also, I'm so sorry for the delay, I've been sleep deprived for the last two to three days because my insomnia and depression made comebacks, but I'm better now)

She reminds me so much of my own mom-

My mom adopts my friends, and no one has any say in it, while my dad encourages her 😭👍🏼

I absolutely love her relationship with all of them. While it's given that Peem will talk about Phum, Q has talked about Toey too, and it's quite obvious that Peem and his og group of friends have visited quite often before. She asks no question, and is so comfortable with them that they don't hesitate for a second to introduce their boyfriends. This is maybe not realistic (I'm pretty sure my mom while very similar wouldn't be this accepting) but it's very in line with this show, and I really like it.

GIVE ME MORE ACCEPTING PARENTS IN BL!!!

I am 100% sure that for a moment there, Phum's brain short circuited 😭

I mean, just look at it from his perspective. The boy he's head over heels for talks about him like this to his mom. If it were me, I'd be having an existential crisis right there, he has much more self control than me.

I'll be living here, in this moment for the next 1000 years, thanks for asking.

Listen, I'm a big fan of domestic fluff, BUT THIS???

Also, I don't usually talk about these, but on Phum's t-shirt, it says "ALWAYS FORWARD NO TURNING BACK" which is very relevant here because Peem helps him see a future, and to enjoy the present as it comes back. He's slowly but surely leaving his scarred past behind.

I have so many fic ideas smh

And yet, I don't really see you, complaining, Peem.

He says while sipping from his own glass. Very convincing, Peem.

THIS WAS SO CUTE OH MY GODS 😭😭🫶🏼

Btw, Peem? Phum is calling you "meow" for the rest of your lives. Just like you'll be calling him Puppy Phum. <3

oh-

These few seconds spoke so much.

The realization that this is what a real family is supposed to look like, that he'll probably never have this with his own parents.

But then- then he realizes that now he can have this. He can have Peem, and a family full of love and sit in the midst of his brother and his friends and Peem's friends and be accepted and loved.

Maybe he can't have this with his own parents, but he can have this with Peem, and that for him, is already far more than he could have ever imagined.

I just love that addition 😭😂

Peem is absolutely incapable of not calling Phum some version of "idiot (affectionate)" and I adore him for it. <33

Oho, violent Fang is back.

But seriously, let the others sleep, Pun and Toey 😭

THIS LOOK. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US??

There's only two eps left (?!!!!!), so I really hope that the next one is when they get together

The small thumb soothing his tummy 🥺🫶🏼

All we got are crumbs of ChainPun throughout and they still managed to make us go insane. Mad respect for their friends who have to deal with them on a daily basis 😭👍🏼

Also, when Peem got up to ask what they were doing and Phum pulled him back to sleep, did y'all see that tiny forehead kiss? My man never misses a chance to kiss Peem, and I am so proud of him.

This reminds me of such a funny story-

So. We went to visit this historical building (note: historical) and the stairs leading up were naturally kind of steep and broken. It was very crowded, so it was four or five teams/families to one guide. We went up slowly, but since the guide was obviously very used to it, he went up faster, and was waiting for us at the landing. So one couple asked how he got there so fast, and he jokingly said "I took the lift" and the man was like "Why didn't you tell us before?? One of us [I don't remember who he said] just had knee surgery!" and the rest of us were just staring at him like ???? are you listening to yourself- 😶

My parents and I laugh about it to this day 😭😂 (this was almost 8 years back OH GODS SAYING THAT MADE ME FEEL SO OLD-)

What next ep looks like:

What I looked like after watching the trailer:

(In that order.)

That's it for ep 14! See y'all in 4 days (I fear for what will become of me after I watch ep 15).

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here have a croissant 🥐

[ferindencadash]

And now for a little shameless self-promotion!!

@spectre-requisitions-exchange 2024 has officially ended and the authors have been revealed! Which means I can talk about all the stuff I wrote! (I may have gone a little overboard...)

In addition to my first assignment, I picked up a pinch hit. And then I was feeling so inspired I wrote another two treats! I have been on a writing bender and it feels good! Not gonna lie, I'm pretty proud of myself. 😌

So my fics this year were:

T-rated (my first non-explicit fic!! 😅) FemShep/Ashley pairing. For @biotickaidan

Set in ME3, Ash has a crisis of fate after her near-death experience and talks things through with Shepard. A romance is rekindled.

People have been SO NICE about this fic?? I have never had so many comments before, it's honestly blowing my mind. Y'all are so sweet. 🥹

E-rated Jack/Kasumi (t4t!!) for @krahka

Be gay, do crime! Set pre-ME2, Jack and Kasumi accidentally end up committing the same crime. Hijinks ensue™️ and things get a little sexy.

This was ridiculously fun to write and very challenging. I watched a ton of heist movies to prepare for this one! 😂

E-rated MShep/James Vega for @ginbiscuit

Set between ME2 and 3, while James is guarding Shep in lock up. Shep is bored and entertains himself by being an incorrigible flirt. James tries to behave. You can guess how well that goes.

I think this is actually my favourite fic I have ever written?? I really think it's quite good. I fell in love with those two idiots while they fell in love with each other. Ethan Shepard may just have some future adventures, cause goddamnit HE IS CUTE. And I'm proud of my baseball metaphor (gods I hope someone notices 😭).

Please read this one? For me? 🥺

And finally! M-rated Tali & Jack for @beltsquid

Set during ME2. Tali is having a bad day. Jack is having a bad day and is making it everyone else's problem. Together they clean out the Normandy's bar and an unexpected friendship(?) develops.

I literally just finished this one a few hours ago. 😅My first gen fic! The prompt was fantastic and super inspiring. These two are so great together and I had so much fun exploring their relationship.

There were even more fantastic prompts I really wanted to write, but time is short! So I'll save them for next year. ;)

Now that I am finally done writing, I am going to delve into the rest of the fics available in the collection! There are SO MANY I'm excited to check out! So definitely look out for a recommendation list in the next few days. Or just go poke around the collection yourself!!

[journeytoasoberlife]

Day 5.

Today I've had many thoughts around my emotional stability and when I'll be able to see it plateau. Having a cluster b personality disorder will blur those lines, but that's something I've come to recognize. I'm unsure of the sober side of that, making it uncharted territory for me, which is harder to navigate.

I woke up this morning and continued doing laundry, I filed my weekly unemployment, applied for more jobs and tried to keep busy. I had to remind myself that I'm not a failure with this, the last two jobs I've had I was treated very poorly and got the shit end of the stick in the worst way. Where I normally filled my morning with mimosas or a seltzer, I'm drinking more coffee, which should be water but whatever. I am using nicotine to fill those gaps, which I'm currently fine with.

I hung out with my friend Alex today, she's 8 months sober. Before her sobriety we would drink the entire time we were together. It was a nice change of pace and I'm so proud of her journey. I too will be there one day. We got pizza and I learned that I am not a fan of basil in mocktails, I mean seriously, who thought of that?

My hiking boots will be here tomorrow and I'll spend some of my day breaking them in. I'm also meeting with another friend that I've recently reconnected with.

It's currently 11:52 pm and I know I won't be able to sleep for a while. Not going to bed high or tipsy is something I'm still struggling with. During the peak of my alcoholism I wasn't really sleeping, though that also was work related. I would maybe get 3-4 hours if I was lucky, waking up every ~2 hours almost like clockwork.

My emotions took a shit on me tonight, too. By that time I would've easily been on my 3-4 cider and would either be ignoring my emotions or in a full blown breakdown. I think writing these every night gives me the outlet I didn't know I needed or willingly ignored if I'm being honest.

I've been trying to eat more regularly but I haven't been putting as much energy into it as I should. T and I would get breakfast every morning and that was a nice shift for me. I know I won't be able to go to one of my favorite spots for a bit because I always drank there, but I do make good breakfast when I put some effort in. I really need to go shopping but I keep ignoring it. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I'll also have to get another Elf Bar, the one I bought while T and I were out is killer on my throat and I know my good one will go bad soon, my novo could work if it dies and but that doesn't have nearly enough nicotine in it.

Things are adding up and I'm nervous about the weeks ahead. Will is coming home soon and my life will shift again, and I'm unsure how I'll be able to navigate that as well. He drinks a lot and while he was more than supportive, I'm worried about it.

I keep having to remind myself that I pulled out of this once before, and that was way worse than this time around. I spent the better half of 2019 drunk in a bar alone, waking up the next morning wondering how I was even able to drive home. That was the 5 year anniversary of my moms death and I couldn't shake it. I was living alone, having broken up with my partner, spiraling and wanting to die. I don't want to be in that place again, ever.

I'm worried that people will find me to be a liability, and in turn won't want to be in my life. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about something like that but there's people I never want to lose, even if the road gets rocky. I'm trying to be enough for myself, which I've never attempted before and quite frankly, I'm scared. I always made the joke that I was rawdogging life because I'm not medicated for my depression and anxiety, but now I'm really doing it and that's scary too.

I'm hoping for an easier day tomorrow. Hopefully I can find it.

Anyway, goodnight tumblr.

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

My Loki Collection (Currently)

I've been putting off making this post for awhile, because 1., it's going to be long as hell, and 2., my collection is constantly growing because I have zero self-control.

Let's get this out of the way before I forget.

Not pictured:

McDonald's Loki Sweet n Sour Sauce. Reason: I have not eaten it and will not be eating it because I don't like Sweet n Sour sauce, so it won't just be the (cleaned) empty label/container on display, and I cannot convince myself to put food on this shelf.

Loki Loungefly backpack. Reason: I use it frequently, so I keep it by my door instead.

3. Loki and Sylvie t-shirts. Reason: Same as the backpack. I wear them often, so I keep them in my dresser.

4. Alligator Loki plush. Reason: I ordered him on Wednesday, so he hasn't gotten to me yet.

5. Loki 2023 calendar. Reason: My calendar hook is in my hallway, so that's where it's hanging. I might do something with some of the pictures at the end of the year, we'll see.

Okay. I'm going to detail what is on the shelf. Where possible, I'll cite where I got the item, but in some cases I don't remember because it's been too long. I also just transferred my collection to this shelf (it used to live on the top of one of my other bookshelves and quickly outgrew it), so I made several display changes I also want to highlight.

Top (Left to Right)

Framed Loki watercolor print: Once I have the motivation and equipment, I'm going to hang this on the wall above the shelf. The goal is to hang it alongside a framed print of the cover of Journey Into Mystery #85, Loki's comic debut (but the only print I've found so far is a poster, and I don't have room for a print that size there, and the watercolor is 8x10in so it will be very asymmetrical). I got this print at a convention three and a half years ago, so unfortunately I don't remember who created it. And I can't read their signature but I'll post it here in case you're motivated to try to figure out who it is. Kenrick, I think?

2. Various Loki pins: I found most of these (the buttons) at a comic book store, but you could probably find them on Amazon. The lapel pin came in a set of three from the Disney Store (online; I don't think there are anymore physical stores, unfortunately, outside of like Orlando and probably Anaheim). It was a Pride collection with America Chavez, captioned STRONG, and Valkyrie, captioned BOLD, and I found it equally funny, sweet, and definitely something that would've pissed him off that Loki's caption was LOVE. (And then I realized that's essentially his niece's name now and I immediately wrote several pieces of fic that will never see the light of day before I cried.) The corkboard I got from Amazon, and was the best green I could find that wasn't also huge. I discovered much later that it's actually adhesive, and am considering sticking it to the wall or part of the shelf to free up space at the top. The ribbons are separate from the board and I already had them (I don't remember where specifically they came from, but they were just tied to something else I got, and I thought Loki colors and saved them).

3. Stickers: Like many millennials with anxiety, I am terrified of committing stickers to a spot. So before creating the Loki shelf, I precariously balanced my stickers (with the paper back intact) wherever they could be seen (and often the A/C or just walking by blew them down). So I positive self-talked my way into bravely committing, bought a frame and a page of scrapbook paper in a shade of green Loki would be proud of, and stuck my stickers on. They're all on one side, because the intention is to get more stickers and build my collection on the same paper (I already have an Etsy wishlist with more stickers).

That square sticker in the corner and the comic book-looking design are from an Avengers sticker set I got at Target. I bought the set exclusively for these two stickers of Loki, and these are the only two with Loki in the set. "Comics are for everyone" in the genderfluid flag colors is from Panda Redd's Redbubble shop (he has a link on his instagram). I got this awhile ago, so no promises it's still available, but at the time he had this design in many pride flag options. Loki waving the genderfluid flag is from the Etsy shop DeanDraws. The remaining Loki stickers are from the Etsy shop ClarkStickerCo. Maybe at some point I'll make a post of my Etsy-specific Loki wishlist (my comic and official merch wishlists are a little bit out of control, so I'll hold off on those for now).

4. The Mighty Thor issue 359: This comic in particular is on display on top only because it is the oldest issue I own (originally published September 1985; I don't know if this is a reprint, and honestly, I don't actually care if it's legitimately almost forty years old or not). I'm still deciding if it's going to stay on top or if it's only there until I get the print of Journey into Mystery 85.

5. (Left, second row) Agent of Asgard Loki action figure, with Gram: I got him from the online Disney store. He is sitting because it's currently the only way he stays upright. Eventually I want to get stands for all my action figures so they can all stand up straight.

6. Agent of Asgard Loki Funko Pop: There are so many Loki Funko Pops. I got this one (my baby, my fave) from Amazon, because I think they've stopped producing the AoA Funko. I also have a Loki Amazon list, but it's specific to the shelf, so some of it is display supplies rather than merch or comics. Some of these Funko Pops are so low in supply right now that they cost $70-90. I want them anyway. (This one did not.)

7. Avengers-era (I think) Loki action figure: also got him from the online Disney store. He is not standing upright either; the corkboard and sticker page are working together to hold him up.

8. (Little bit hard to see) Loki ring: This is a gift from my brother. It's hard to tell in this picture, but there are also some green gems inlaid into the gold (paste, I'm pretty sure; I don't think he spent an obscene amount of money on real gold and emeralds lol).

9. Sylvie action figure: I got my girl from a local comic book store, but I know that she's available on the online Disney store, because I've had her on my merch wishlist almost since season one ended (I think she was in the second merch drop, which was a couple weeks after the finale). It's hard to tell, but she's got her lovely blade in hand as well.

10. TVA Loki Funko Pop: Also got him from Amazon. I got a bunch of Amazon gift cards for Christmas last year, and spent most of them on Loki Funko Pops and my Loki calendar.

11. Mobius Funko Pop: I don't remember if I got Mobius from Amazon in the same order as TVA Loki or if I got him at my comic book store, but I know he's on Amazon.

First Shelf (L to R)

12. Loki-centric or -featured graphic novels: I won't specify each individual graphic novel I have, but obviously the complete collection of AoA is in there, as are both volumes of Journey into Mystery. Loki: Mistress of Mischief is also there, but please do not assume that means I am supportive of this storyline. I was curious, and the most convenient way to read it was to get the book. I agree it's pretty yike in general and transphobic specifically.

13. Yes, that is a Lady Loki Funko Pop: She's in other comics besides Mistress of Mischief, as just Loki rather than Loki impersonating someone or a completely different person. Her debut is problematic, but so was Cloud's, so are many queer character's. But I do agree it's time to retire the 'Lady' title/distinction. She's a goddamn Princess, for gods' sake! (Well, or Queen, depending on the story and which realm you're talking about.) Give her her due! So let me put my money where my mouth is.

This is my Princess Loki Funko Pop. She's from Amazon. She is also serving as my bookend for my Loki graphic novel section. I superglued her feet to a clear bookend to make even these thematic.

(Yes, that coaster says "Sheep are Friends." I'm allowed to have more than one hyperfixation.)

14. Sylvie Black Light Collection Funko Pop: I found her by chance at Target. I really like this collection, and it's one of the few times I've been tempted to get non-Loki Funko Pops because I like the aesthetic. She's having trouble standing up, though, so she's using a stand I got with one of the Funko Pops that's being used as a bookend (I don't remember which). They don't all come with stands anymore (maybe they never did; I've never owned very many), but I need to buy more stands, because a bunch of them are losing the ability to stand up.

15. Sylvie Funko Pop: Also either from Amazon or the comic book store, and she's also not standing very well lately.

16 and 17. Sylvie and Loki plushes: These are some of my favorite things in my collection. I got Loki from the same convention I got the watercolor print, so I don't know for sure who made him unfortunately. But I loved him so much that after the Loki series came out, I wanted a Sylvie plush a lot. I scoured the internet, Etsy in particular, for a long time. I finally found a store that looked promising and eventually came out with a Sylvie plush. I can't guarantee that this store made the Loki plush, because at the time I was looking for Sylvie, they had a different design for Loki, so I don't know if they used to have this design or if it was a different shop entirely. But the Sylvie creator at least (who also creates lots of other plushes from other media) is flightydolls on Etsy.

18. Classic Loki action figure: I got him from the online Disney store as well. Of all my action figures, he probably looks the most like his actor. He also came with

19. Kid Loki action figure: By contrast, he looks nothing like his actor. He's much more like the comic book likeness, but even that isn't as good as it probably could be. He also has the scepter? for some reason? Did I miss him having that in the show or the comic? It's significantly taller than he is, and at the angle he's fallen to in this photo you can barely see his face behind it.

20. Loki lanyard: This is from Box Lunch. I've been looking for a Loki lanyard for years. At the convention in 2020 (it was legit like a month before COVID hit the US), I ended up getting a Thor lanyard because it was the closest I could find.

Second Shelf (L to R)

21. Loki novels (most unaffiliated with Marvel): Since there's only four so far, I'll list them. Loki by Melvin Burgess (not read yet); Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman (read many times and highly recommend); The Gospel of Loki by Joanne M. Harris (read about half); Loki: Where Mischief Lies by Mackenzi Lee (read twice, also highly recommend, and the only novel in this section that is affiliated with Marvel).

22. Second TVA Loki Funko Pop: I got this at my comic book store because I forgot I already got it from Amazon. I saved it instead of returning it, and ended up using it as a bookend.

23. Jotun Loki Funko Pop: I'm really annoyed about this one. I got him from Amazon with the intention of making him into a bookend, and I really love how great he looks. But he couldn't stand from the get-go, and he's the worst damaged. That's why he's at an angle in this photo; it's the only way he can stay standing. I still tried supergluing him to the bookend, but he couldn't stay upright long enough to dry. I think a spring in his head is bent, and isn't that just poetic. (And mean.)

24. Loki waffle iron: This is a gift from my sister. I'm hoping to eventually actually use it, but I'm not very good at motivating myself to cook beyond throwing something in the microwave or making a sandwich, and I've never actually made waffles before.

25. (Not visible but on the shelf) Loki magnets: These are going to take the place of the print on the top once I hang it up. I'm displaying them on a baking sheet, and may eventually need to buy a bigger one than the one I'm currently using.

Halloween Loki is from the Marvel store in Downtown Disney in Orlando. I don't remember where I got the helmet magnet, but probably Five Below. The chibi Loki was from a store at a local mall, but you can probably find him online.

25. Loki travel mug: This is a gift from my cousin. I don't use reusable mugs or bottles because, regardless of the actual material, everything always tastes plasticky to me, so this will probably just stay on display, but I love the color of it.

26. Kid Loki Funko Pop: Pretty sure I got him from Amazon as well. He's also having trouble standing. Is this a normal issue to happen over time? And by over time I mean after like six months? Jotun Loki was broken upon receipt, but both Sylvies and Kid Loki stood fine for awhile before they started toppling.

27. Avengers-era Loki Funko Pop: Also from Amazon (most of my Loki shelf wishlist is either equipment to make my figures and Funkos stand better or Loki Funko Pops from different eras or collections).

28. Loki-centric or -featured single issue comics: Again, I won't post all that I have in this section, but notable highlights include four separate copies of Loki issue 1 (variant covers), 2 copies of each issue following (also variant covers), 3 copies of Original Sin: Thor and Loki in the Tenth Realm issue 2 (not variant covers; I just kept forgetting I already owned it, apparently), and numerous single issues of comics I own in more complete collections as graphic novels. For some of my favorite covers, see my post of my top ten single issue covers.

Bottom Shelf (L to R)

29. Miscellaneous comics not featuring Loki: Most of these are single issues, often from Free Comic Book Day, but also included are Guardians of the Galaxy by Al Ewing and The Defenders by Al Ewing.

30. Jotun Loki Soda Pop Funko: He was not supposed to be a bookend. He was supposed to be where regular Jotun Loki is standing. Instead he's a bookend, because like hell was I about to buy another regular Funko and wait another several days to make my last bookend. Anyway, I got him at Target, also by chance.

31. Agent of Asgard Loki Funko box: The actual Funko Pop is pre-ego death AoA Loki. He's the same Loki, but after ego-death his look and actions and the things he says just make me so giddy. The back of the Funko box had a picture from the comic of Loki post-ego death, so I had to cut him out and put him on display because I love him.

32. Loki puzzle: It's still in the box. I had this grand plan when I started conceiving of transferring the collection to its own shelf that I would put it together and frame it, but it's going to be the size of a poster (not to mention take me ages), and the location the shelf is in my room just is not feasible for a framed poster to look good near it. And I think the box looks good on display, too, honestly.

Okay, now that you know what I already have (if you were patient enough to read to the end), I can make update posts periodically of what I get to expand my collection in the future.

[elf-ring-system]

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3

Kokichi,

Thank you for the life-changing observation that there is a brick wall in the innerworld /s /t. I miss you, bro. At least you were right about co-hosting for that month or so. As annoyed as I get sometimes, I really am grateful for all you did during that month or two. I don't think anybody's ever been that vocally against my sister until you, and I think I would have gone insane if you hadn't helped out

Me,

Way to only get cancelled one and a half times this year

Kiyo,

Fuck you, your letter to yourself sucked. This is a very corny idea. Spinner said ironic and bulliable you cheesy motherfucker /t. I'm proud of you for still being yourself after what happened early this year. Plenty of us have just stopped fronting and enjoying hobbies and talking after things like that, and those weren't even tied to such personal things as yours was. You've been a reliable host even when it most definitely wasn't your job, and nobody so far has been as understanding of everybody and considerate of people who don't front as much as you have. I'm sorry I stuck you in this role, but I'm glad I did. No matter what anybody says, you deserve the good things going on with you. You deserve to enjoy yourself, you deserve to do things without constantly feeling guilty, you deserve to have someone like Mizuki, and you deserve to be yourself as much as any of us. And you'd better post this, or I'll frontlock you for a month again /hj

-Fukase

((There is no need to threaten me, but thank you <3

Korekiyo 🥀,

I'm sorry for the few times I've been short with you. You're doing as well as you can, and I appreciate your willingness to work with me and the others

Kotoko,

Thanks for being tough this year. You're very brave considering everything you've already had to go through

Kurogiri,

I hope you let it sink in that I rated you above my fiance. You're doing an amazing job. Nobody could expect that much from you, and you do it all day every day anyway. Don't beat yourself up so much. You can't help anything that happened in your source, you don't have to make up for anything that happened there. Fuck everyone else. It's their issue to work through. And the things that happened this year weren't your fault either. You didn't really have any options. Please do something nice for yourself

Licorice,

Thanks for stepping in for a bit. December was stressful. You seem really cool, I hope you stick around

Light,

Technically, you're tied with Stain. Yours is funnier though. Thanks for working us through accepting our NPD

Loki,

Congrats on being so obnoxiously loud that Spinner assumed you were a mental illness /t. As far as I can remember though, you were the first one to give a solid answer that wasn't a vague thought or a random note, so genuinely thank you for rushing the process. Even if it was only because you were pissed we were praying in a christian church. Understandable to be honest

Mafuyu,

I'm so sorry we were not prepared. At all. When you split. Most people understand the system thing off the bat, I swear. Thanks for being a voice of reason

[darlingpwease]

happy birthday beloved....!!!!

i remembered your birthday was also in December, but not exactly when, and had a feeling it was gonna be soon gahdhw

my birthday was exactly last week too, but i didn't feel strongly on it, so i felt no need to announce it. but with this, we can share the birthday cake AND the birthday hat

(*≧∀≦)ﾊ┏━iiiiii━┓ﾊ(≧∇≦*)

♪o<( ´∀｀)っ┌iii┐

now ill sing you happy birthday in the most desolate tone ever <3 <3 <3 /t /pos

it's been two birthdays of ours since we've known each other, you know! a very long time since then. even if unconventional, you are like a very cherishable friend of mine. perhaps the best highlight of this page, and one of the most pleasant people ive had the fortune to meet. life is hard but people like you make it worthwhile as it lasts, makes it easier to look for better times. i hope you may also find something as fulfilling so you can say you are satisfied, even if a little, when such days like this comes. for you deserve the best, and only the best, and sometimes the littlest things are what gets us there

i had a birthday cake made out of dots in my keyboard but it doesn't work on tumblr so just imagine we're having the cake ok. are you doing it. you better be. good. ok now imagine me eating it at alarming speeds are you doing tha

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀

⠀⠀

happy last birthday love!!!!

11.12 </44444

have saved an entry in the calendar among the holidays and there is an old post in the album for pies </4444

I was not sure if I marked the date correctly or if you want to celebrate at all, but — if there is nothing with me for a year — I will definitely celebrate this significant date and tell you what a smart and sweet person you are and how lucky I am that you once wrote to me and we are still together; definitely the biggest blessing in my life <44444 the sweetest sweetest sweetest star that has ever existed and can exist <444444

always!!! we can always share birthday cake & birthday hat, darling <44444

don't worry, I'll love your singing no matter if it's so bad that the birds will fall from the branches; however, I can't boast of the same, as soon as the note is high, you'll only see how I soundlessly open my mouth, since I physically can't take them </444 at least you will bless our holiday with this, my my.

shgdhdggd uwuuuuuu;;;;;; hhhhhh slow down, slow down, I can bite your cheek instead of a kiss if you continue to be so touching </44444 /pos

your writing style is still so wonderful; it's amazing how you manage to choose words so that they sound like honey, beloved</4

right? this is our second year together, although it feels like the first (in a good way); we talked about so many things and exchanged thoughts and words. you're my oldest honeymouse I'm still talking to, you know, sunkan? <4 stunning & gorgeous <44

to us, beautifully born in winter, my dear, and let no one leave hungry and unhappy!!! <44444

(I have a powerful counterattack: I take several pieces at once </44444 /hj /pos)

I am more than satisfied today knowing that we are celebrating this together, even if not together, dear. I'm really sorry that I missed your birthday — although I'm not sure if I had the right to celebrate without your approval — because it really is a sentimental date, and you should be proud that you have become so mature and grown up. You are the real, uh, I don't know, star now? The person? The man? Whatever fit for you, love <4

I hope you feel like the king now <444

p.s. but when I turned eighteen, it was the first birthday that I didn't celebrate at all, although this is an important date in my country — I just didn't feel happy enough for this date and realized that it wouldn't change anything. it didn't make sense now, in fact, this birthday was also worth celebrating if it's the same as the others, you know. I had to not let this get the status of "special" </44444 /j

[brawn-gp]

You know what, y'all so right besties: Mick is a mystery. I never know what to expect from him, so far I know he seems to be a friendly, well educated and smart young man that seems to be relatable sometimes. This might be controversial BUT: on the other hand, he's a Schumacher, he's a white privileged man and I refuse to put him on a pedestal because of that or baby him for that. There is no way he is sooo educated that he understand the struggles that comes with less privileges and at the beginning of last season, when he answered that question regarding to lewis' activism it showed. I know a lot of people were very quick to defend him but not me tho, I refuse to put a man on a pedestal and ignore when he says something ignorant <3. (especially because their activism would help a person like me lol) So I thought well damn, he probably is someone that is more educated than some other young drivers (Lewis himself said that Mick asked him to educate him, we stan) but I still didn't think he will use his voice to speak up about issues, that might cause a criticism, because he might be to worried about his own brand. But then BOOM this bitch came and said queer rights and even made a post about it and I was like????? Ok ally king we stan, now this is what I expect in 2021/2022 from people with a platform. What I am trying to say (lol sorry for that mess) is that I never know what to expect, but I would rather see him to speak up more and show his personality more even if this means that at some point he will probably say or do something that I highly disagree with, or even find problematic, (because everyone makes mistakes (everyone has those days)) than seeing him being so controlled and professional all the time. I don't wanna jinx it but I have a feeling that he might suprise us with some of his opinions or personal traits (in a good way tho) Anyways, we stan Mick Schumacher, the mystery, the great ally, the dog dad and part time photographer, the man that has specific thoughts about a zombie apocalypse (whatever this means..., 🤔)

hii also sorry for taking so long replying to this but just know that i loved this ask so much because my brain works exactly like this dkfjhg so thank you this was very very interesting :-)

again, to not clog the tag i'll add a read more:

there's nothing much i can add to this because i went through this exact same train of thought last year, so yes. yes to all of this.

i do wanna remark the: "he's a Schumacher, he's a white privileged man and I refuse to put him on a pedestal because of that or baby him for that". amen. to. that. i'm sorry but i refuse to put any celebrity in a pedestal because as much as we think we know them, we know like 50% of their real life and opinions, SPECIALLY when they are privileged cis white men.

however, mick seems to be doing alright? at least he's on a good path methinks.

i still haven't gotten over the pride t-shirt post captioned ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜... like as a queer person those are the small gestures that makes you hopeful for a better future. and damn, what an impactful post that was. like we have lewis and seb promoting lgbtq+ rights and i'm so thankful to have them both in the grid. they are the two most successful drivers on the grid and using their influence for good. but also i think it was very brave of him posting something like that -in his rookie year in a shitty car-, however "minimal effort" it might've been for some. I wish that was the norm, and that all drivers made efforts like that one, but in a world as homophobic as this one, it's still considered a "political move" (yikes). [just look at the comments of that ig post, its absolutely disgusting... like legit the first comment is "your father would not be proud" what the actual fuck is wrong with people, it makes me sick]

recently he was seen wearing a pro-black lives beanie in black history month, that again, it might've seemed like a small gesture for some, but i do think it sets a precedent. a precedent that he listens, he's willing to learn and act on it.

again, this is just my impression and what it looks like on the outside. will i absolutely praise him and go around saying "my white boy is better than yours, stan him instead"? no. abso-fucking-lutely no. but its nice to see him speak up rather than stay silent, and for that i command him

also the man that has specific thoughts about a zombie apocalypse PLS SDKFHJDG yeah.... plus the "a knife, a bomb, a serial killer" bit always gets me as well... what a weird brain hehe

[shingia]

Hello!!! I love ur fics sm 😭💖 This is weirdly specific and been plaguing my mind for days,,, Can I req an angsty fic where Atsumu broke up with the reader because he wants to chase his dreams and ultimately leaves but with the reader saying "I'll wait" . A few months later he seeks for the reader again and finds out the reader has terminal illness and is dying. You can decide if there's major character death or a miracle,,,, please and thank u so much!!

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐨 - 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

aw thank youuuu <33 and also WOW this request is in-tense, i modified the ‘terminal illness’ part a little bit for plot convenience, but i rly hope you’re gonna like it ! i am : stressed. also, i’m a sucker for happy endings (just ignore my last bokuto fic) so i couldn’t go full angst on that one 😅

quick storytime : my great grandpa died from heartbreak and i always thought it was a beautiful (yet very sad) way to die, so i guess that’s where i got my inspiration from <3

⤷  atsumu x gn!reader | angst | word count : 1.7K

warnings : hospital environment, heart condition, mild description of ‘illness’ and mentions of death (a little)

your first kiss with miya atsumu had been sloppy, dizzy, with a strong scent of rum and smudged lip balm all over your lips. but there was no doubt that it had been the best kiss of your entire lives…

…just like your last had been the worst. 

two months later, atsumu still couldn’t forget the salty taste of your lips that begged him not to leave. if he focused hard enough, he could even remember the feeling of your hands desperately clinging to his jacket in a last attempt at making him stay by your side.

but he didn’t, and as much as he hated himself for putting an end - even temporary - to what had been the most beautiful chapter of his life, he had never regretted his decision ; and he knew exactly why. you had promised to wait for him, and in pure egoism, he knew and hoped that you would. because no matter the distance, he was still madly in love with you.

which is why he did not understand why osamu was so outraged when he told him that he was finally ready to come back to you. but the younger twin knew things that his brother didn’t - he had seen you let yourself waste away, like nothing else mattered without the one you loved.

but more than that, atsumu did not know about the secret his brother promised to keep. he did not know that, two weeks ago, osamu had found you unconscious in your living room with an alarmingly slow heartbeat. the poor boy had not understood everything the doctors had told him - but whatever a cardiogenic shock was, he knew that it would have carried you off if without his intervention.

however, you had been categorical : atsumu shouldn’t not know about this, under any pretext. you refused to be a burden to the pursuit of his dreams for which he had already sacrificed so much for. but now that atsumu was back, something about this promise didn’t sit right with his brother. and so he decided to tell him everything.

« …most doctors thought about a standard heart attack » he told him after explaining the situation, on the lookout for any impulsive reaction from his brother. « … but one of them talked about something else. you might want to sit down ».

but atsumu couldn’t care less about his brother’s advice. actually, he didn’t care about anything else than you right now. it was already taking a lot of effort for him to stand there listening to samu instead of being on his way to the hospital - but he stayed. for an obscure reason that he didn’t really understand, he stayed.

« did you know that people can die of heartbreak ? » osamu asked, more serious than he had ever been in his whole life. 

the blonde twin felt like the ground had suddenly swallowed him whole - although his brother was trying his best not to sound too accusating, it was more than obvious that whatever situation you were in was because of him. and only him.

« no they can’t » he tried to protest, not even believing in his own words. panic was beginning to win him over - and in a matter of seconds, he lost all his composure « WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT MOVING ? LET’S GO ! » he shouted, already opening the front door. at that moment, one question burned his lips, but he knew he would never have the guts to ask it out loud. 

‘did i kill them ?’

——

the steady beeps of all the machines around you were the only thing disrupting the deafening silence of your hospital room. you were sick of spending your days alone. but you had no right to complain, osamu had offered to come and see you after work every day, but you had politely refused. well, politely was a big word… your body was so exhausted that you had trouble articulating simple phrases, and therefore exclusively communicated through nods or hand gestures.

your phone had been confiscated and the doctors kept you away from the news - or at least from the negative news, because they knew that your heart might give out at the tiniest emotional distress.

which is why you were so surprised to hear a knock on your door at about 3pm, outside of the nurses’ shift hours. knowing that you were too weak to talk, osamu let himself in, slowly closing the door behind him before coming closer to your bed.

« how are you doing ? » he asked, resting his hands on the other end of the bed. you shrugged, pointing at the IV and all the monitoring surrounding you. as long as these machines were there, it was hard to feel better than just ok. « listen, um… someone is here for you. the doctors said i could bring him in, but i wanted your authorization first… » he started before clearing his throat. « atsumu is back. do you- are you ready to see him ? ».

ready was probably not an appropriated word. but after two months spent pretending that he was still laying next to you in bed every night, still texting you good morning every day, still sending you the dumbest memes at the most random times, it would have been a huge mistake to refuse osamu’s proposition.

and so he let him in. obviously, atsumu had orders from the doctors and his brother : don’t run, don’t move too fast, don’t speak too soon, don’t touch them without warning. but nobody had asked him not to cry. and how could his eyes stay dry when you looked so fragile and so vulnerable ?

osamu quietly left the room, leaving the two of you together not without apprehension. but if there was one thing he could trust his brother on, it was taking care of you. two months could not have gotten the better of four years of relationship.

but as much as he cared about you, atsumu had always been - and still was - pretty bad with words. and the first ones that left his mouth were a great example. « are you going to die ? » he asked in a shaky voice, brows knitted.

you would have given him an answer if you had one, but you didn’t. the doctors said that you had gone through the most painful part, but the risks of aggravations were still too important to let you go home. you were not 100% safe yet.

« i told you i’d wait » you spoke in a hoarse voice, the beep of your heart monitor getting a little bit faster.

the steps atsumu took towards you were slow, like he had been told, but just one glance at his eyes was enough to know that deep down, he was dying to feel your skin against his.

« i know you probably hate me right now. and for good reasons » he started as he sat on the chair next to your bed, still painfully avoiding any contact. « but there’s something i need to tell you, in case… in case… well, if something were to happen ».

his eyes lingered on your fingertips, blue and cold, and his whole body tensed at once. the thought that everything you were going through had been caused by his own selfishness was driving him crazy. but he had one last thing to keep himself grounded, and that thing was exactly what he was about to tell you.

« i love you. but i caused you so much trouble that i think there’s only one way to prove it… » he said, taking a deep breath before finally resting a timid hand on your arm. « i want to marry you. right now. i don’t fucking care if it’s not considered official, i just want you to know that leaving you was probably the biggest mistake i ever did. and that i’m not leaving ever again. so fuck it, let’s get married ! you almost died, life’s too short to plan a stupid ceremony ».

he stopped for a few seconds, panting from his teary monologue and paying attention to any beep or other sound that might indicate that he had made things worse for you. but it seemed like you were doing ok. how could you not be ? the love of your life had just proposed to you - sure, it wasn’t how you had imagined it, but wasn’t it even more beautiful like that ?

the tears that started rolling down your cheeks were undoubtedly tears of happiness and relief to know that, finally, your life was back to normal. atsumu was your normality, and for the first time in two months, you finally felt like you had a purpose. you had no idea if soulmates existed, but what you had with atsumu seemed more than close enough.

if someone had entered the room at that moment, it’d probably have taken them several minutes to understand what was going on. two young adults, crying yet smiling, one of them laying on a hospital bed looking like they had been through hell and back, and the other tearing off two pieces of his t-shirt and looking genuinely proud of himself -  nothing about this made sense.

« my apologies, it was the easiest way to make us rings » atsumu chuckled, eyes still blurry as grabbed your hand in his with infinite tenderness. slowly, he tied the piece of cloth around your ring finger, loosely enough so that the doctors would not consider it dangerous for your blood circulation.

« i’m keeping that until you’re getting out of here. by my side. » he affirmed, pointing at his own makeshift ring before looking right into your eyes, as serious as ever. « and i’m also keeping you. forever. consider this my wedding vows »

as much as he hated to phrase it like that, you could both die in peace now.

i spent so much time on medical sites to be as accurate as i could, i felt like meredith mf grey for a few hours

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[sunarou]

♡Akaashi, Kageyama, and Oikawa with a S/O that dances well♡

Requested: By anon

The original ask: hi! can i request a headcannon for how the pretty setter bois would react when their S/O dances a sexy hiphop routine for their school talent show without letting them know abt it beforehand? dbsnns sorry if it doesn't make sense, hope u have a nice day/night!

A/N: Y'all I think I'm shadow banned on tumblr 😣 My posts aren't on the recent page and idk why, is anyone else having this problem?? Anyways enjoy~

Akaashi Keiji

—You would dance to 'All I wanna do' by Jay park, you decided to this one solo. You wore a black cap suited with a white adidas tracksuit and black combat boots, you lookin like a bad bitch 🧚🏻‍♀️✨

—The auditorium's lights turned off as you walked to the stage, then a spotlight shone on your figure, then the music started. Your body started flowing with the music

—A lot of cheers and whistles erupted from the audience, clearly enjoying the dance. "AKAASHI! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME Y/N WAS GOOD AT DANCING!" Bokuto yelled on top of the other screams

—Akaashi covered his ears, "I didn't know either!" He yelled back, Bokuto just focused on the dancing.

—Then the music stopped, finishing your dance you bowed and left the stage. You walked to where Akaashi was sitting, scooching over the people that complimented your dancing.

— "You did really great Y/N!" A guy classmate complimented you, "Thanks!" You said, you noticed Akaashi glaring at your direction, "I-I gotta go bye!" You said scurrying to your bf

— "Hey Akaashi!" You said smiling, your sweat still visible, Akaashi took a napkin from his pocket while you sat on his right, he wiped your sweat off. "You danced well out there, I was impressed" he smiled.

— "Thanks! Were you surprised?" You ask, "Yeah, I didn't know you danced" he placed his napkin back in his pocket, as he placed his hand on top of yours.

—Enjoying the other performances the students put on.

Kageyama Tobio

—There was a dance routine that you and your dance partner practiced for like 2 months because of this school talent show, and it's called 'Dally' by Hyolyn.

—Your dance partner (guy) was more like your back up dance but it's okay 😂 you wore a more revealing clothing than you usually do, fishnets and knee high boots, your top showed a little bit of cleavage and hand tight black shorts, showing your figure ;)

—It was certain that most of the boys in your school got nose bleeds while the girls wished they had your body, the teachers don't even do anything cause they're at awe when you started dancing.

—There was a lot of body rolling and grinding on the floor, your partner had his hands (respectively) on you, you caught Kageyama's eyes, his mouth in a slight pout, seeing you getting touched by another guy

—You knew he was gonna be sulky the whole day, maybe even tomorrow. You wink at him nonetheless, biting your lips as you finish the dance.

— "T-Thank you Y/N and Hiro for that wonderful dance" the Mc said as the two of you walk off the stage, Kageyama comes up to you backstage, securing you by your waist as he glares Hiro down, "Haha, don't worry dude, I'm just dance partners with Y/N" he chuckles as he walks past the both of you.

— "You didn't tell me you were gonna perform, and with another guy! And it was a sexy dance!" He blushed when he heard himself say the last part, you smirk at him.

— "So you thought it was sexy huh?" You said, placing your hand on his shoulder, he diverts his eyes from yours, "S-Shut up.." he mumbled, "Did you enjoy it though?" You ask, "Of course I did.." He whispers, looking back up at you.

— "Maybe I'll teach you to dance next time, so we can perform next year!" You exclaim, hugging his jealous ass.

Oikawa Tooru

—The dance you decided to do was 'Lip and hip by Hyuna, and you have like 3 guys to be your backup dancers, which were your friends.

—You wore very trendy clothing, a black tube top complimented with jeans that have the sides sliced in half, exposing your legs, black converse and to top it off, hoop earrings and a black bucket hat.

—When you walked onto the stage with your friends, Oikawa's eyebrow rose as he crossed his arms, easing down the chair. "This is gonna be interesting.." he smiles, Iwaizumi sitting beside him.

—Then the song started to play, you were shaking your hips outwards very suggestively, Oikawa leans forward more, licking his lips. As the song went on your moves got more and more sexier, Oikawa's lips now wore a smirk. "You okay with Y/N dancing this?" Iwaizumi asked, "Of course I am, it's interesting to see boys jealous of me, not like they weren't before." He replied

—When the song finished you headed down, wearing a proud smile. "Nice moves baby girl" Oikawa said appearing in front of you, he looks at your friends behind you, his eyes boring into them, it was subtle but he gotta admit he was a b i t jealous.

— "Ya liked it?" You asked, walking beside him to where he sat, "No duh! You were up there showing your moves, how can I not like it, it was very unexpected to say the least" he winks.

—Now sitting with Iwaizumi, Oikawa leans over to you to whisper, "Can you give me a private show later? Show me how you move your hips hm?" Iwaizumi just looks at Oikawa with a 'wtf' face.

~Love Lola 🦋

[oikawas-toris]

To all the lovely people I've met this year and the old friends I've had (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`):

Well first of all to anyone reading this:

2020 had been quite a journey, for most of us, or atleast hadn't been the best of the years. Well, congratulations! You made it through! I'm very proud of you!!! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ Now we can only hope and wish 2021 will be rewarding for making it through this tough year.

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year! 🥳🥰♥️

«‹★♡♡♡♡♡♡♡★›»

Now then, coming to some people I hold very dear to myself:

@dazai-kinnie-blog ZAI!!!(=｀ェ´=): When will ya ever listen to me???😟 Take better care of yourself!😾 Moving on~ you were my very first friend on Tumblr and were/are so so sweet and funny😆 I know we don't talk as often now but, every conversation with you is always so fun and never fails to make me smile. Being your Kunikida kinnie is so fun now only if you listened ...I hope this delightful friendship will continue on into the next year. Love ya lots and T-A-K-E C-A-R-E!😡♥️

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@masked-buffoon AI-CHAN!!!<(￣︶￣)>: Omg you're so funnnnn!!! Our chats always ALWAYS makes me so happy! Talking to you on an almost a daily basis really did make it a lot easier to get through the last and worst months of this year. Ranting to you about anything or describing our daily events is really very relaxing and it feels like I've known you for years(≧▽≦)! Let's hope there'll be much more for us to talk/rant about in the future! Lots and lots of wuv (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@keeijiakaashi CLIOOO!!!!(✿^‿^): Though I only recently bunched up the courage to message you, we've already found so many similarities! I feel so comfortable talking to you, somehow it's just so easy! X3 <3 Hopefully our common love for the Akaashi Keiji will help grow this friendship XD

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@velvetfireworks RACHELLLL!!!✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧: can I call you that? 🥺👉👈 I've not exactly had a proper conversation with you (that's my bad, I have poor conversational skills...(٥↼_↼)), I've still had lots of fun interacting with you! I've probably sent you quite a few anon asks cause I'm shy 🥺👉👈 hopefully I've done a proper job as your osamu anon 😖 But I must say your writing gives me joy (the irony ಥ‿ಥ) anywho~ hopefully one day I'll get the courage to start a proper conversation... One day...

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@orphic-osamu YUEEEE!!!♪ \(^ω^\ ): Hehehe my wonderful “also suffering with online classes” buddy; how are youuuuu??? Why am I losing touch with so many people (╥﹏╥) tis a curse!😰 (So! How's the heartbreak from assclass treating you??? XD) Ahahaha anywho~ you seem to be such a cool person, I'm rather surprised and honoured to be your friend! Ever since I started talking to you, you always made it seem like we're old friends! We should talk more often X3 <333

«‹♡♡♡♡♡♡♡›»

Now then, two very, very special people; who I've know for a great deal of my life (◕ᴗ◕✿):

@a-normal-dreamer NESSSSS(＾∇＾)ﾉ♪: From our fangirling to our random “hi”s and “hello”s it's so so fun to talk to you! I can tell you about my bad days or brag about the decent ones and you never mind X3 you make such cute and lovely poems honestly I support you all the way! Lend me some of your optimism Now then we can only hope and wish our dreams come true 😔✋ much love for you:D ♥️

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@genshin-impact-simp WIFYYYYY(≧▽≦): Though our chats are... Questionable... I'd never trade em for anything!( ꈍᴗꈍ) We can stay up till 4 in the morning on call going on about absolute nonsense or just enjoy the quiet company of one another and still not cut the call😆 You've always cheered me up when I've felt down and never have you ever failed to make me laugh with your random messages XD Even though we've not gotten to meet in the past months it feels like we've only grown to be much more closer as friends, love ya(◍•ᴗ•◍)♥️

I love every single one of you and to the people I've mentioned above: I genuinely cherish our friendship. Thank you so much for taking the the time and effort to get to know me; love yall (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

(side note: please forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistakes)

[randomobsessionsofa30something]

My top 15 kpop albums of 2020

15. Taeyeon-What do I call you? Taeyeon's 4th mini album was barely released two weeks ago but there's something about the vibe of the songs that just really suit my tastes with quirky melodies and beautiful instrumentals.

14. Kang Daniel-CYAN. His album Magenta is actually really good too but I think CYAN is more my kind of music. A pop album with fun beats. The title 2U is actually my favorite of the album.

13. BTOB 4U- INSIDE. BTOB 4U made a strong debut with this mini album that includes great vocals, interesting beats and r&b. However, it was Alone, a beautiful ballad, that was my favorite.

12. Suho-Self portrait. Suho released his first mini album before enlisting as it's just full of beautiful mid tempo ballads. The fact he wrote a song with a title (Let's love) just like EXO's catchphrase is too sweet. Made in you has an amazing melody and For You Now featuring Younha is also a stand out.

11. KAI- KAI. As expected of an EXO member, Kai made a huge splash with his debut mini album. Just as any EXO album, for me the brilliance of these one is on the bsides. I enjoyed his title Mmmh and it's soo catchy but Reason, Nothing on me and Stranger are the songs that for me made this album a great one.

10. BTS-BE. Even though BTS released their MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 this year, it was BE that I really loved. Just every song is so great. Apart from the titles Dynamite and Life goes on, Fly to the room is my favorite.

9. Zico-Random Box. Zico is just one of those different artists that is in his own laine. And every time he releases an album I can't help but obsess about it. Also he wrote about hating heat and summer so I totally identified with the lyrics of the title. However Cartooon is so much fun and his delivery in No you can't is amazing.

8. SUPERM- Super One. Honestly I could have ranked this one higher but unlike the rest of the albums I actually didn't love every song. However there are some bsides that I am absolutely crazy about. One of my most listened songs of the year is Better days, a ballad sung in english, that basically anyone who lived through this 2020 can identify with. Taemin's vocals on that song are just so sweet. Wish you were here, Together at home and Dangerous Woman are also stand outs.

7. MINO-TAKE. With the exception of Love and a boy I loved every single song of this album. MOBB's song is crazy good. Wa featuring Zion T. is also great. I think however is I want to featuring meenoi, an artist I hadn't checked out, the collab I keep playing over and over. The ballad Sunrise is so pretty and honestly more the style one expects of WINNER more than MINO's. The title Runaway is definitely fun as expected of Mino even if it's about a break up.

6. BAEKHYUN-Delight. Baekhyun's second mini album got him the title of first solo million seller in 19 years. The album is full of pretty melodies, interesting beats and of course loads of r&b. Apart from the title Candy, check out R U riding? And my favorite: Love Again.

5. EXO SC- 1 billion views. I'm so proud of the growth EXO SC had in just a year. They released their first full album and, song after song, you can tell how much effort they put in it. Just like in their first mini album it's obvious they were so involved in the songwriting and producing along with Gaeko. Both 1 billion views and Telephone are fun trendy songs. Nevertheless, what I loved about the other bsides is how personal they felt especially the lyrics including their solo songs. Rodeo Station and Jet lag are stand outs, Fly way featuring Gaeko my favorite and Chanyeol's solo song Nothin' was everything to a Chanyeol biased like me. On me, Sehun's solo, is so strong and stunning.

4. WINNER-Remember. If you've followed me for a while you might know of my love for WINNER. So watching Jinwoo and Seunghoon enlisting was such a blow and of course if you're a kpop fan you know it's coming but it's never easy. This album, WINNER's last for a while, has it all: fun songs like Hold and Just dance; beautiful ballads like Remember, My bad and Dduk (Jinwoo's solo and my favorite of the album, written by Kang Seungyoon); and, the version with four members of their first hits.

3. Taemin- Never gonna dance again. Act 2. For me, Taemin does dance pop like no other and this year he really exceeded my expectations releasing two amazing albums. I don't think I can choose one song of this album as my favorite. I just loved each track equally. Taemin participated in writing the lyrics of a few of the songs. Taemin's voice in Heaven reminds me so much of DBSK's Changmin. Impressionable's beat is just dirty and the angelic voice in the second part is just unfair. The duet with Wendy Be your enemy is so beautiful. Pansy almost made me cry without reading the lyrics and I could go on and on.

2. BLACKPINK-THE ALBUM. Saying this album was long awaited is an understatement. YG is known for being too selective with the music they let their artists release. On top of that, YG was filled with scandals last year so they kept postponing the album but they did not mess around with it and the wait was soooo worth it. Each track could be the title because they are that good so even if How you like that remains my favorite the rest are amazing as well.

1. Taemin-Never gonna dance again. Act 1. Black rose, Waiting for and Clockwork were my favorite bsides. However it is the title Criminal that made me go crazy. I love everything about it: the lyrics, dance, beat and melody. For me, Taemin really was the best he has ever been this year. That's why I'll remember 2020 as the year I went from a casual Taemin listener to a full fleshed Taemin fan.

[dolphin-enthusiast]

bună seara, dragă mea 🌹🌜✨ ahh i hope i wrote that correctly,, another romanian friend of mine taught me that haha, he teaches me romanian phrases in exchange for me teaching him bits of italian ☀ ah, so much to address no? well, i'll just start off by saying i wasn't expecting my friend to expose my problems like that,, i'm not mad at all, just surprised. let me first say that i am okay as of writing this. i have eaten and hydrated and have been taking naps all day, i am stable. (1/9)

"my older brother and other siblings have been taking good care of me, and two of my friends came to sneak me out of the house for a bit and bought me food. so i am fairly calm right now (2/9)

now then, about that person, it was just some texts i woke up to that caught me off guard, my friends are apparently planning to go after this person, even though i insisted on not making this a big deal, and frankly i didn't wanna worry you all either, i feel bad when i do. (3/9)

sadly i hear a lot of horrid things directed at me on a daily basis, so this is quite ordinary and there's not much i can do about it, i cope by trying to stay positive for others and be as kind/loving as i can since i usually don't have people to treat me that way, you're quite the exception, what i thought of as a stupid question blossomed into something i could never imagine, and i was shocked to see how everyone, including you, took to me quite quickly (and not in a joking way either) (4?/9)

i'm not used to it at all, so i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that everything you guys say and do means the world to me, i get overwhelmed with positive emotion when you all treat me so sweetly, i truly couldn't ask for anything more. that being said, i wasn't planning to open up about my mental health on this account (since i don't wanna talk about these dark subjects when trying to brighten other's days),, (5/9)

but i guess it's warranted now so hopefully you all can understand me better and not worry as much, i suffer from multiple mental illnesses, two different depressive disorders, an anxiety disorder, and body dysmorphia, some from genetics and others from trauma. i try to keep it on the down-low to not bring down anyone's moods, so i be as cheerful as i can. i'm professionally treated for it, so please don't fret. it really went downhill during the start of this pandemic and declined since (6/9)

i was absolutely miserable, and having dealt with many s*icid*l tendencies, self hatred, and lots of destructive habits, i was truly falling apart my sister introduced me to your blog sometime in january, and even though i did not have a tumblr, i still greatly enjoyed checking it everyday with her and requesting things from time to time, it's a nice escape from the world i live in, and after months of checking your blog, i decided to interact a bit more with that silly ask of mine. (7/9)

it really is a miracle that we formed such a bond, it's truly the best thing to have happened this year, i love having such a meaningful connection and getting to experience some positivity everyday i am completely serious when i say that you and the followers give me something to look forward to everyday, and you all have helped me to stay a little longer on this planet. i owe you all so much for that, so i still plan on popping up everyday to cheer you all up,, (8/9)

i could never thank you all enough, you all truly do mean the world to me 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 i can't wait to come back tomorrow with something more lighthearted, so please keep being extraordinary, because i'd hate to lose connection with any of you - from the bottom of my heart and soul, with much love, your local waifu xoxo 💘 ps: i can't wait to hopefully meet someday morgy darling, there's lots i'd love to do, so that's another reason for me to stay alive a little longer 💞 (9/9)"

Dear this is quite alot so i'll just start by saying that im flattered u greeted me in romanian😳✌️ i dont wanna pull a ghiaccio but although dragă does exist in this context it would be more like "bună seara dragA mea" but it really doesnt matter bc my wig is snatched and i was n o t expecting this ddhxhddj

Trivial matters aside, you shouldnt feel pressured into opening up on here even though some things surfaced but you did it nonetheless and im proud of u bc i myself would rather y e e t than talk abt myself and personal issues🤡🤡🤡 but aNywAyS let me start off by saying that again, you shouldnt get used to horrid things being said to u. Its fucking tragic that u get treated like this meanwhile all u do is be kind and care for others, but them treating u like that is entirely THEIR fault and u should never feel guilty for it. And keep telling others if shit happens (including us if u want) since we're all gonna do some good ol' as whooping @ the ppl that talk shit😤👋

I wont reveal much but just so you know i completely understand what you're going through and felt what you described in ur letter on a spiritual level, although i know just saying "i relate" doesnt really help. Its unfortunate and unfair ur goin thru this and yes i agree the pandemic did only worsen things (even for myself) and its really shitty🗿🗿im glad u at least had siblings that took care of u and made sure u felt better in no time doe

As always seeing u say that me and my blog cheered u up and motivated u to go on truly is smth like...w o w i never expected any of this to have such a major impact on anyone when i first made this blog as half of a joke lmao hdhxxhdj but im glad it helped u and other ppl so that means i'll just have to keep on running it😳😳😳 you really dont have to thank us for anything since we enjoy brightening up ur day and i have to ageee it IS a miracle how all of this came to be but thats exactly why its goddamn wig snatching ahsydjdkf

Also bro to say u have another reason to stay alive just to meet me....😞😞 Take care of urself bro

[villainsblog97]

Stray Kids Reaction: Kissing a Stranger on New Years

Summary: What's so bad about kissing someone on New Years? Well... it helps if you know who they are...

Warnings: some language and use of alcohol

Scenario: Pure Fluffy Balls of Fluff!!!

Bang Chan

"What's your name?" The aussie asked you.

"Where's the fun in that, if I leave you to keep guessing... you'll stick around a little longer" you smirked.

To say that he was enchanted by you would be a total understatement, you were definitely driving him insane, and the more you two hung out the more he wanted to know you.

"Countdown in 15 guys!!!" A guy called out.

You two met at a new years eve party, you had to help Chan get lose, he told you he didn't really do a lot of partying, but you helped change his mind, when he saw you it was like time froze, you were the only thing on his mind, and thanks to Jisung and Changbin, he finally got up the courage to talk to you (okay more like Jisung and Changbin pushed him towards you).

3 hours lead you to here, you found out he was producing music with his friends and hoping one day to make it big, you told him that you came from a small town and were a city girl stuck in a country world, so you packed it up and followed your dream.

Now you stood beside him, with 2 minutes left on the clock.

"You ever kissed anyone on New Years?" He asked.

"Its so overrated..." you yelled over the music.

The song ended and the Hyped up DJ began to start the countdown.

"Ten...Nine...Eight....Seven" your eyes drifted off to Chan's lips who were counting down with the crowd, they looked so soft and plump, made you really curious of the taste of them.

"Five...Four..." Chan looked down at you and caught you in the act, his mind went blank, maybe it was the rum and coke in his hand or maybe just the way you looked, but his eyes met your lips, and he couldn't take them off.

"Three....Two....One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!"

"What the hell" he smiled as he pulled you in for a long 2020 kiss, you stomach flipped as you kissed him, he knew what he was doing, and it was driving you wild.

"Now will you tell me your name?"

"(Y/N)", "I'm Chris... but everyone around here calls me Chan"

Lee Know

This boy was already a tease, constantly hinting how badly he wanted to kiss you, but he also had a couple shots, so he was feeling pretty good.

"You know... you're suppose to kiss someone on new years...." he hinted.

"You don't have to..." you rolled your eyes.

"Its tradition!" He protested.

"Its lame..."

However as the alcohol set in, he was looking more and more delicious.

"I will admit, you are freaking hot" you smiled.

"Oh really?" He smirked.

"Little bit"

The guy called out the countdown was about to begin.

"Three.....Two....ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" you looked over and put your hands on his face and leaned up on your tip toes and planted a big kiss on him.

His eyes widen as you pulled away, but he'd be damned if he was just gonna let you go.

Changbin

After the fourth short joke, he was getting tired of being near you, but somehow everytime he tried to leave, he'd always run right back into you.

"Following me now pip squeak?" You smirked.

"Quit with the short jokes you're not that much taller!"

"Yes but I'm still... taller"

"Whatever!" He threw his hands up and walked away again.

Forty minutes later, he saw you again, he tried to avoid you but it was no use.

"Hey! Quit following me Amazon!" He glared.

"Amazon!?"

"Yeah! AM-A-ZON!!!!"

"You're starting to piss me off!" You yelled out

"That makes two of us!" He agreed.

"Five...Four...Three...Two...ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" you yelled at him.

"Yeah! Same to you!" He said before pulling you into his lips for a harsh, yet satisfying, kiss.

You both froze in your tracks... (talk about sexual tension)

"Instead of Pip Squeak....why don't you call me Changbin"

Hyunjin

He was a flirt, no doubt... he could get any girl he wanted, except you, you were a challenge, and he liked the challenge.

"What is it about you that is so different?" He asked.

"Maybe I just don't fall so easily..."

"That you don't... but still..."

You gave him one last smile before walking away, because truth was, he was getting to you... and you couldn't have that, but at the same time you wanted to.

He was unlike anyone you've ever met, totally gorgeous, funny, and that smile.

Girls kept coming over, hanging all over him, he would politely deny their request, he knew what he wanted.

"Let's start the countdown!!!" A girl started cheering.

Everyone started the countdown, you looked around for the mystery guy, kind of hoping you could start your new year with him, but he was out of sight.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" the crowd cheered as people started to share a kiss with their significant other, you felt a hand on your shoulder and spun you on your heel, you met his eyes for only a second before he pulled you into his sweet, perfect lips.

"Call me Hyunjin"

Han

Jisung was a shy little bean, he didn't usually talk to girls because it would come out more incoherent gibberish than anything.

But he saw you and wanted so bad to know you, absolutely beautiful was what he saw and he really wanted to know more of you.

"Just go talk to her!" Felix said

"Yeah right... unless she understands jawa..."

"You don't sound like a star wars creature when you talk!"

"No it just comes out h-yo-ah-go-na- bye!"

"Okay so maybe that is a little Jawa..." he shrugs, "look mate... 2019 is almost over! Go now or forever hold your peace!"

A few minutes later, He was up talking to you, not doing too bad when talking to you.

Drinking has helped.

You couldn't help how adorable he was, and how he just melted your heart everytime he smiled, you two spent pretty much the rest of 2019 together, laughing, talking and occasionally staring into each others eyes.

You were falling.

And so was he.

"Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six....Five...Four....THREE...TWO....ONE!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!" Jisung looked down at you with nervous hands and a shaky voice.

"Can I kiss you??" He yelled over the loud music and equally loud cheers.

"Yes!" You yelled back, with that His shaking hands reached your face as he leaned down and kissed you ever so softly.

"I'm Jisung" he smiled

"(Y/N)"

Felix

Felix was having fun, spending new years with Chan at a local little club in Australia.

"2020 resolution!" Chan said as he sat the shot glass down.

Felix downed the shot and sat it beside him.

"Awe why mate... those never happen!"

"Come on come on, just play along!"

"Okay I..... holy..." his eyes widened

"More....religious?" Chan asked

"If my religion is her..." he sighed out as you approached him.

"Nice hair" you smiled.

"Hair.... " he was in a trance by you.

"What my good mate here was trying to say was, thank you! And I'll leave you two to it then!" Chan slipped away leaving you and Felix to talk, you told him you just moved here a few weeks ago and saw him around a couple days ago, you blushed as you told him he had an enchanting presence that made you want to get to know him more, he blushed a bit too.

Few hours later, you two were hitting it off well... Chan stood back and watched his friend like a proud mom.

"So any new year resolutions?" You asked as you took a drink.

"Nothing I can think of... I'm not really a new years resolution kind of guy"

"Oh come on.... everyone has a new years resolution" you laughed.

"Well let me get back to you"

"Countdown in Ten.....Nine...Eight!!!" The DJ called out.

"We better get over there!" You called as you grabbed your drink in one hand and took Felix's hand in the other, dragging him to the crowd.

He grabbed a hold of his drink as he followed you.

"Five...Four..." you both chimed in.

"Three...Two...One... HAPPY NEW YEAR!" without even thinking Felix leaned over and placed a sweet kiss on your lips, you weren't complaining, he was gorgeous, and his lips were the perfect taste.

"You know how I said I'd get back to you on that resolution?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I just found it..."

Seungmin

From the get go Seungmin was hypnotized by you, he pretty much ditched all his friends to go talk to you, but it was worth it, he found you exceptionally beautiful, and couldn't take his eyes off you.

You two were talking and enjoying each others company, when you unzipped your jacket to reveal a Day6 T-Shirt.

Seungmin then knew he found his soulmate.

"You like Day6!??!?" His eyes lit up.

"Of course! Die hard My Day since day 1!" You smiled.

"I love them! Their music is so..."

"Amazing!" You both said in unison

"Whos your bias!?" He smiled.

"Oh hands down Jae! He cracks me up!"

As if you two weren't already getting to know each other, now it was getting serious, Seungmin was falling for a total stranger, he didn't even know your name.

"Hey... I'm Seungmin" he smiled as he held out his hand.

"I'm-"

"Start the countdown!!!!" Everyone cheered as they counted down to the new year.

You and Seungmin joined in counting down with the crowd.

"Three....Two....ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" Seungmin leaned down and kissed you, then froze.

"I'm sorry... I was....lost in the moment"

You leaned up on your toes and returned the kiss to him.

"Its okay... also... (Y/N)" you smiled.

I.N

When it came to Jeongin, girls were the last thing on his mind, he wasn't exactly scared of them... he would just... run away from them.

However you were different, he was talking with you all night at the party his friends dragged him to.

It wasn't so bad when you started talking to him.

You found out he was the same age as you and only a couple months older than you, but he was adorable, and his smile killed you.

You told him that some of your friends dragged you along too, you were the youngest of your little group too, you both had a lot in common and the countdown got closer and closer.

"Anything you wanna remember from 2019?" You asked.

"Well... definitely you!" He grinned, your heart shook, no one ever said that to you.

"I wanna remember you too" you smiled.

"Let's start the countdown!" Everyone cheered.

"Jeongin! Let's go!!!" Some of his friends came by and pulled him along, he made sure you followed him.

You two stood close and slowly laced your fingers together.

"Three....Two....One! HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Jeongin looked at you with those soft, heart melting eyes, you nodded a little, knowing what he was asking for, he held both your hands and leaned in to give you a new year kiss.

"THATS MY BOY!!!" you heard one of the members call out.

"So... I'm Jeongin" he smiled, light pink dusted on his cheeks.

"(Y/N)"

"Happy New Year (Y/N)"