#I'd go back to this url at some point

[batsplat]

ok but what could be the motogp/casey stoner magical girl anime’s equivalent of rgu’s black rose arc……🤔

*cracks knuckles* okay admittedly I read this ask, had it jangle around in my brain for half a day and then read it back and realised I'd zeroed in on the 'casey stoner' side of the line and completely ignored the more general motogp prompt. since then I have had. some more thoughts. but they do come back to casey

so let's set out in proper scientific fashion and figure out what doing a black rose arc even MEANS. briefly summarising the arc, on the most literal level possible... it's the middle arc of the show, wherein characters proximal to the primary duellists get indoctrinated in a sham therapy session into fighting utena, a process symbolised by pinning black roses to their chests. she wins against all of them fairly comfortably in direct combat, managing to destroy the black rose and in doing so free the duellists. at the end of the arc, utena learns that the whole thing was orchestrated by mikage, a scholar frozen in time after burning down a lecture hall and killing the hundred boys within. he seeks to kill anthy, the rose bride, so that he can save his beloved mamiya by making him into the rose bride and achieving eternity. except his memories had been manipulated all along by the puppet masters of the whole show, anthy and akio, so that his memories of mamiya had been bastardised into what seems to be a version of anthy. mikage had been trapped in the school by false memories, has perhaps been dead all along, and had been used as a tool to bring utena closer to being able to achieve revolution. in the end, he too is discarded

which... okay, yeah, it's very hard to describe the show on a literal level, and I think in some ways the black rose arc is the one that's the most open to interpretation? icl it took me about three watches to really wrap my head around what on earth mikage's deal was supposed to be. which means you can also take the motogp crossover approach in several different ways... because of my own academic background, watching it the first time I kinda zeroed in on how the process by which the characters become black rose duellists is one of radicalisation/indoctrination into a cult. the process by which they are prepared to commit violence is built on humiliation, an experience where they want something and feel shame (or are made to feel shame) for wanting it. kanae is subjected to anthy's silently judgemental looks, keiko is made into a fool and an outcast by nanami, wakaba suffers a brutal rejection, and so on... it's not just that they have an enemy, somebody who treats them poorly - it's that a vulnerability is exposed that fundamentally threatens their self-esteem. it leaves them destabilised, unsure of themselves, with a fragile sense of self. when the characters go to seek guidance, they are quite literally being provided with a new sense of 'direction'. they are being guided towards finding purpose

the descending lift is a key part of the process, by forcing the characters to focus in on their negative emotions and let them consume them. the humiliation is strengthened, made more brutal - the voice instructs them to "go deeper" and bare more of their soul. they are expressing their vulnerability in front of a mirror that reflects their most twisted, painful desires back at them. subjected to the reflection of the negative emotions at the self... they are forced to make themselves weak in front of the voice, essentially debase themselves, and in doing so they strip away their own walls and barriers and mechanisms of self-defence. as the lift descends, so do they regress

the most obvious expression of this is the butterfly that becomes a cocoon (and then a leaf). utena is all about the process of becoming an adult, of achieving revolution as a metaphor for growing up, breaking the egg. but here, as an extension of anthy and akio's schemes, instead the characters are forced backwards in time. part of it is again this process of... well, ritually breaking down the characters, chipping away at their sense of self so that it can be reconstituted in a way that is useful to the order of the black rose. part of this is more generally about the show's themes of maturity and adulthood - the characters are being reduced, now governed only by their very worst impulses

it is at this lowest moment that mikage steps in to offer the characters their only solution. the only answer they have to somehow bring meaning back to their lives. all they have left to reclaim some kind of sense of self is to embrace mikage's vision of revolution. so you have a personal experience of humiliation, you have the character being guided towards a figure of authority who is supposedly able to help those in that kind of situation, you have a 'gradual' process stemming from externalised pressure to make the character focus only on their negative emotions, and eventually you have said figure of authority providing the character with the 'only' way out of the emotional turmoil and insecurity they are feeling. this route eventually leads to complete suppression of the self in the name of the cause and also... well, acts of violence. staircase model, my old friend! or if the staircase were a descending lift, I suppose

you may be wondering how I can possibly make this relevant to motogp and, well, *cracks knuckles again for good measure* let's see how this goes. I'm not going to make some big spiel about how becoming a rider (yes, even a vr46 one) is a comparable process of indoctrination or any of that. (there's some very broad comparisons, like how riders cannot choose to be assimilated into this strange and dangerous system but are instead sucked into it as children, following dreams that have been handed down to them by others... but I'm mostly gonna stay clear of that stuff.) what I'm more interested in is... hm, the emotional management aspect of sports, how delicate it is in what it requires of athletes. the eternal question of motivation, how you can bring yourself to put yourself out there and compete again and again - despite the eternal possibility of failure and, yes, humiliation. from here

'the challenge of managing vulnerability' is the key bit. on a very, very basic level, the process of growing up is about managing vulnerability, being able to manage your own emotions... there's a similarity between ohtori academy and the paddock in that they are both sheltered, closed off environments that send its young through unnatural, almost twisted approximations of growing up. their emotions are evoked by artificial scenarios, by competitions that aren't 'real' in the sense they aren't provoked by any naturally existing scarcity - but are instead elaborately designed shows designed to test its participants and, yes, reveal something of them. sports as a pure measure of human achievement is fundamentally hollow; it is only provided meaning by the ridiculously heightened emotions that are evoked by it. the characters transition into their new roles of duellists in a moment of vulnerability and it is only in this raw, unguarded state that they are able to fight

there's also another bit from a post I ended up not publishing in an exciting moment of self-awareness where I went, 'you know what, nobody cares about this', but it still exists in unedited form in my google doc. here (the post was about mozart + salieri, hence the references to music):

the idea here is basically that it's actually incredibly tricky to manage the exact right amount of self-awareness you should have as an athlete - and the emotions that come with it. you need to reveal yourself, to make yourself vulnerable, to be able to compete to your fullest extent. you need to debase yourself in front of a crowd, to accept the possibility of not just defeat but of humiliation, of the embarrassment of losing and how degrading that experience is. now, to stop yourself from actually going insane, everyone will need some kind of explanatory framework in their own head to process defeat. some of these narratives will by necessity rely on our good old friend delusion. young athletes cycle through victory upon victory and defeat upon defeat, often in ways seemingly inexplicable to themselves, which means their self confidence is fluctuating like a yo-yo on acid from generational levels of cockiness to the darkest self-loathing imaginable. some level of baseline self-belief, of thinking you will 'make it' despite all the odds being extremely not in your favour, is really kind of key to the process

the problem, of course, is that... so narrow is the emotional window that provides the ideal performance potential that it makes managing this window both crucial and horrifically difficult. maybe you can perform better when you're angry - or maybe you'll crash. or maybe you'll make a fatal error of judgement. you need hubris, but not too much. calm without passivity or complacency. joy might be the enemy of concentration. shame can motivate or it can make you retreat. your rival can spur you to action or paralyse you in your own inadequacy. and at the core, again and again, lies the concept of vulnerability. the moment you step into the arena, it is with the knowledge that it is possible for you to lose. competition is a moment of exposure, of revelation, of truth. this day may end in the gravel trap. you may humiliate yourself. you do it anyway - and to do so you need purpose, and to make sense of the defeats you need more purpose

plugging the autobiography passage again:

such a good passage, isn't it? to bring it back to the black rose arc... 'analogy' in the loosest of senses - you have moments of 'truth' in different forms. you have the truth found at the bottom of the lift, where the characters reveal their most painful insecurities - but it's fundamentally not a very balanced truth, is it, focused on the purely negative and self-loathing. they don't go out to duel in the name of passion, they are not duellists in the same way juri with her love for fencing is - which you can see from how they need to essentially steal the style of 'their' duellist to fight utena. there's no positive affect there. it's a power gained through vulnerability, yes, but one that is fundamentally self-destructive and exists in an ultimately fragile state of crisis. utena can free the duellists from their roles simply by cutting the rose; the student council members don't stop being duellists just because their roses are cut because this is something they care about for themselves. you can't be completely reliant on others to provide you with purpose in sports - some of it is going to have to come from some internal urge to compete, to win. no parental determination, desire, at times abuse can create an athlete out of nothing if their child is fundamentally unwilling (as ever, agassi's autobiography is very interesting about this). so while end of the world, in all the malevolence and abuse, may proffer a path towards meaning, towards revolution, to the student council members - it would be entirely useless if they did not still have 'hope in their hearts'. desire. the will to win. utena is able to defeat the black rose duellists with relative ease... she might not have entirely selfless motives, but her desire to protect anthy still stands up as being far more robust than a mere desire to lash out in response to humiliation. she wants to be anthy's prince, she wants to live up to this role - and in the end it means she will always be able to dig deeper than the black rose duellists

there's a few other ways we can torture this metaphor, while we're at it. "deeper, go deeper" is a phrase that to me is... very sports-coded, I talked about it in the mind games post I linked - going to the 'dark places' within yourself to win. to find release through the suffering, some form of revelation, reaching some kind of imaginary 'zone', to be able to perform at the highest level. only then can you achieve revolution... eternity, if you will. it's the performances where athletes dig the deepest that immortalise them, after all. but then, for all this talk of balance and some need for positive affect, of course there is a lot of negativity that feeds into the motivational process. the motogp twitter account posted a video today a few days ago by the time I actually post this... of our dear two time defending champion talking about how he primarily uses criticism to motivate himself

there's something ever so slightly comical about pecco talking about how, sure, he'd like to live by his 'go free' phrase and the associated ethos of just enjoying himself out there... but actually, he doesn't motivate himself through all that fun stuff at all. instead, he makes use of *checks notes*

reading something bad about himself

being told something bad about himself

making mistakes

when someone attempts to hit him in the mental side

well, that's nice! welcome back, casey stoner

am I saying pecco is going down the black rose arc lift to motivate himself? well, maybe I am. who's to say. a little bit!

you're getting yourself into the ideal performance window by basically... deliberately exposing yourself to criticisms, to degradation of the self, to the suffering of embarrassment and humiliation, dwelling on your mistakes, on those who do not believe you are adequate (or 'special', as in the black rose arc)... and, well, obviously I'm not saying the lift descent is a particularly healthy process... I'm admittedly a bit wary of the welfare implications of the sports equivalent. I actually had a long conversation last week before last about what essentially amounts to forms of digital self harm, this phenomenon of stars seeking out their 'haters', both within sports and other public fields... and, idk. there's 'being motivated by your rival being a dick about you' normal levels of spite and 'constantly subjecting yourself to what your cruellest detractors think of you' levels that seem distinctly unhealthy to me. without more context, you'd kinda hope pecco's sticking closer to the former type than the latter. casey also was a very spite-motivated athlete, perhaps somewhat in contrary to his assertion that he never got obsessed with rivals and didn't care who he beat. you see it with his whole 'ooh beating a spaniard at their home circuit' schtick, you see it with his 'yamaha rejected me so I'll show them' thing, quite frankly even his 'ah well mind games actually backfire because they motivate the other party more!!' line. he was constantly trying to prove a point to someone.... but was also extremely prone to self-criticism, to putting himself down, to being so perfectionist that it tipped over to being terrified of failing and crucifying himself for any mistakes. some of these things will have contributed to making him as good as he was - the same traits that tortured him also were what drove him to seeking perfection. sometimes, these roles of 'duellist' and 'athlete' may demand a fundamentally unhealthy emotional balance to excel at them

there's also something in how.... hm, mikage wanting to kill the rose bride so he can control eternity. the concept of 'eternity' is also big in sports, both in wanting to secure a legacy and wishing to preserve an un-preservable youth. inevitably, you will be replaced, they will move on from you, you cannot compete forever... mikage is frozen in time - and more than that, time is distorted in the ohtori academy. only a few like mikki even appear to notice it, constantly measuring it with his stopwatch as it continues to fluctuate around him. the uncertain nature of time is impossible to separate from how insular the academy is, from how it is cut off from the outside world, from how all point of reference is lost. sports does a similar thing in many ways, with the insularity heightening the stakes of this conflict, the occupants of that space living to different rhythms than the rest of the world.... the cycles of life and death, how rushed everything is, a youth that has to be captured and bottled before it slips out of your grasp, the calendar of races, of a travelling circus that touches the places it visits without belonging to it... valentino stretched out his career, even beyond a time when he was no longer competitive, due to his love for racing, his passion for it - a state of arrested youth, how he's been given the moniker of peter pan to go along with his own little band of lost boys. right at the opposite end lies casey, who achieved the truest 'revolution' early by leaving the cycle entirely, choosing to forsake this world that had constituted all that was of meaning to him - rebuking those who said he was wasting years of his prime, of the precious youth he still had one hand on, by stepping away. even though casey too had been striving for something unachievable.... the key thing about the 'revolution' is that it is something false, a mirage like the castle hanging over the arena, an ideal to be fought for without ever being attained. for casey, it was a quest for perfection that tormented him - so impossible is it for athletes to accept their own fallibility, their flaws. it can never be reached, because it is not an end point in and of itself. there is no definitive revolution that can be arrived at, no place of satisfaction, no easy way in which the power to revolutionise the world is granted to the duellists. all that remains is the process of working towards that revolution - that, in the end, is the only thing truly eternal

so, what does that process look like? you prepare yourself for the duel, you motivate yourself - either through positive or negative affect. athletes all lust after victory or fear defeat or both. utena ascends the staircase while the black rose duellists descend with the lift. for her, this also functions as a process of preparation, a repetitive yet effective way of bringing herself into the right mindset for the battle ahead and definitely not a way of saving animation costs

to me, it's key that those are stairs, and that there's a silly number of them. the black rose duellists are prepared swiftly, easily, with little effort from their part beyond the own horror of their emotions. they are not trained duellists and merely temporarily assume the mantle. utena has to work to even get to the arena - she has to put in an unreasonable amount of work, if anything. the demands to even be allowed to fight, to compete, are beyond what could be expected of anyone - and yet she willingly puts herself through it, because she wishes to fulfil an ideal she has been taught. the great athlete, the legend, the prince... it might work, she obviously does become an excellent duellist, for at least some of the time, she does manage to protect anthy.... but it's still one of the absurdities the academy is imposing on her, breaking her down as she no longer questions the surrealism of he world around her. she climbs the stairs because that is her role - and she readies herself for the battle she has been assigned

eventually, utena is allowed to both ascend and descend using a lift. now, listen, if you really want to get left field with this, you COULD say that her being allowed to ascend the lift rather than climb the stairs is... her no longer needing quite such an intricate method to emotionally prepare herself for the duel. she's integrated into the system now! she's an experienced duellist! she can get herself hyped for battle in a lift! but it's also a privilege she is being granted by the powers that be within the academy, which reserve the right to bestow meaning onto her, to single-handedly decide how worthy she is. and then, in the penultimate episode, the lift returns as akio attempts to break down utena. now utena is the subject, the patient, the one to be indoctrinated. she is invited to see herself as the princess akio wants her to be. she ends up re-embracing the ideal of prince (temporarily until anthy stabs her)... because that's what her power comes from. she'd never be able to find strength in the process of extreme self-degradation and exposing of one's own insecurities embodied by the descending lift. she needs to fight for positive reasons! some people are just like that, apparently

anyway, my pitch for how you'd black rose arc a specific period of casey's career... I reckon it's 2006, his rookie season in motogp at lcr honda. a seat that he'd had to scramble for, rejected by yamaha and not exactly high on options. he'd just finished second in 250cc to dani (if on inferior machinery) and was like.... well, he was definitely highly rated in the paddock, but perhaps didn't have the reputation of being particularly easy to work with. it's this version of casey:

as ever, casey was fast pretty much from the get-go. he had a very strong debut in jerez, exploiting a gap at the first corner after toni elias barrelled into valentino and finishing sixth. at the second race, after having been severely ill the week before, he rocked up like fifteen minutes before practise due to flight delays and ended up popping his bike on pole. that's also the race in which he had his very first battle with valentino, who came up to him to do the grabby hands thing on the cooldown lap. at the third race, casey came painfully close to winning - but scored his first podium of his premier class career

(side note, there is something amusing to how casey was yapping about valentino's disgusting yellow tainting the ducati when he's draping that australian flag of his absolutely everywhere he can, even in his rookie season. has someone maybe spent a little long away from home and feels the need to strengthen his own sense of self by plastering that thing on every available surface?)

anyhow - after that third race, casey's season went downhill. he crashed frequently enough to bag him the nickname of 'rolling stoner'

Like I had done my whole life I kept pushing and, of course, I kept crashing and I got slammed for it in the paddock and in the press, earning myself the nickname 'Rolling Stoner', which really bugged me. The pressure began to build as people questioned my talent and Ramon started to suggest that I was crashing because I wasn't physically fit enough. I knew this couldn't be the only solution, but l couldn't work out why I kept crashing. As a rookie I wasn't to know any better but people around me with experience should have helped me to understand the tyre issue. I would come in after a race saying, 'I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't make a mistake. I would know if I had.' But they would say, 'Well, you must have done because you crashed.' All the blame went to me and with everybody telling me it was my fault, I started to believe it. Ramon is a very good crew chief, extremely skilled at setting up a motorcycle, but I wish he'd listened to me a little more.

humiliation!! embarrassment!! others seeding uncertainty in him... being at the mercy of figures of authority who are giving him false guidance, but who he has to blindly follow. feeling unheard, beginning to believe what everyone says about him

he also had just a little bit of a temper back then, perhaps not completely familiar with the working process of top teams. but the crashes were not entirely his fault - they were (according to him) down to michelin seeing his potential but also exploiting his lack of status in the sport to essentially use him as a guinea pig for their new tyres. back then, this was how tyre suppliers handled things, and the whole thing was laughably uneven and unfair. whereas some riders like valentino were so successful and so influential they could generally lay claim to the best tyres (apparently with the exception of the actual title decider), others were at the mercy of the whims of michelin

Michelin had started to realise that I could do the lap times, especially on used rubber, so they started using me as a guinea pig. They would put me on a certain set of tyres for free practice and I would be happy as anything, right on the pace. Then on race day they'd say, 'You can't use that tyre.' They'd insist on us using a different tyre and then we'd find out on the grid that Dani or Nicky or somebody else was on the tyre I was planning to race on. Contractually we were obliged to use whatever tyre they decided on. [...] I kept pushing because I trusted them but there was some massive crashes which I thought were caused by the tyre combinations I was given at the last minute. [...] I started feeling like a crash test dummy and as the season progressed the situation got worse, to the point where I'd get angry and go off. I got a reputation as a spoilt brat. I am not making excuses but I was frustrated. Dad would come over to Europe to try to settle things down but the fact was I felt the tyres were causing me to crash. My confidence also took a hit and it took me back to the doubts I had in my first season of Grand Prix in 2002. I started to question myself a lot. Was it me or the bike? After a while I couldn't be sure. It was my debut season in MotoGP and I really didn't know what I was capable of. I'd proved I was competitive but the race results weren't showing what I could do. It started to mess with my head and unfortunately it seemed that my crew chief Ramon Forcada didn't have a lot of faith in what I was capable of either.

not only was this harmful for casey's reputation - it was also terrible for his confidence. as the autobiography passages describe, he wasn't getting good guidance about how to make the tyres work for him and inevitably the frequent missteps worked to erode his self-belief. after all, how could he know whether it was his fault or the fault of the bike? he told the team and the press these weren't his mistakes, but he wasn't believed... the paddock rejecting that he was to be taken seriously, enforcing a regression from the new 'adulthood' he had been granted by way of entering the premier class, but was illusory... which is where we get to the black rose element. it's repeated instances of humiliation - because there is something inherently humiliating to crashing. getting a nickname that makes it the thing people most closely associate with him. sinking into his own negative emotions, lashing out in anger at his own team, feeling the sting of embarrassment as well as frustration and self-doubt... and then, towards the end of the season, once again yamaha first seems to offer him a deal before changing its mind. another pattern he can't seem to break. casey has had plenty of self-belief in the past, not just dreaming of a title but believing he was capable of it - to the extent that he attempted to get to the premier class as quickly as possible, because he believed those were the titles that really counted. that's what he's here for... but what if it was all delusion all along, finally meeting reality?

which, yeah - it's those elements that make it very black rose-y to me. it's almost like... a touch of infantilisation, of refusing to take him at his word... he trusts these more experienced adults - in the same autobiography section, he talks about learning not to trust people just because they had a lot of experience. constantly choosing or being forced to listen to these guys who aren't giving him good advice, who don't have his best interests at heart, who don't have faith in him... and it chips away at him, it makes him angry and frustrated and will inevitably have contributed to some of the turmoil of his rookie season. he's being returned to the 2002 version of himself, a newbie in grand prix racing who didn't know what he was doing - and he doesn't know if he has a future in the sport. he wants to believe in himself, but maybe he can't. and it's just... creating this foundation of negative emotion that he would continue to use for the rest of his career to draw motivation from. the insults, the criticisms, the doubters, the haters... yamaha once again closing their doors before opening it a year later to some other young rider whose name escapes me. humiliation turned into a source of motivation. and once the process is complete, he emerges as the primary challenger of the champion (yes, yes, not literally, but vibes-wise obviously still THE big name at the time) in the following season

in the end, ducati gave him the call - he wasn't the first option, but he'd do. utena functions partly as a deconstruction of the type of story in which the ordinary wakaba would be the protagonist (ordinary girl romance protagonist surrounded by larger than life characters)... and the wakaba-centric episodes have akio posit that there are fundamentally 'special' people in the world and all those who can only hope to be special for brief, rare moments. in the meta-narrative of a show like utena, of course that is true, where some people have added significance by dint of being main characters in a story. in sports, too, there may be an unfortunate truth to it - an inevitability to the hand each athlete has been dealt. even if casey was publicly flayed and humiliated and figuratively descended the lift, like utena he was fundamentally still one of those 'special' people, whose natural talent meant none of his confidence was unearned. at ducati, he swiftly showed how he had been judged far too soon by the paddock. unlike the black rose duellists, he successfully challenges the champion. unlike the black rose duellists, he could never have been swiftly stripped of his status as duellist - even if there might be the occasional princess who attempts to trip him up and torment him. still, the bedrock of his determination in 2007, the steel that led him to a title, was ultimately established the year before. he was going to prove yamaha wrong for hanging him out to dry; he was going to prove the paddock wrong for ever doubting him. yes, the passion for winning is undeniable - but so is the spite. in seeking to achieve perfection, he found his motivation for the fight in his own way. and eventually, he would be granted the power to humiliate others... before eventually breaking free of this small world entirely

[eldritch-elrics]

constantly teetering between “i should be more active on instagram” and “i should delete instagram”

[imwritesometimes]

just took a walk in unknown territories (left the peace and happiness of my dash) and I gotta say. perhaps this site should just fuckin tank. lotta ppl on this webbed site should just not have the internet. period. at all.

[sheisraging]

Tutorial: How to Embed Gifs (and get the one you actually want from the set)

There have probably been posts about this before, but since reposting is still a (deeply unfortunate) thing, I figured I'd give this a shot in case it's not a well known trick.

The tumblr Gif tool will allow you to embed gifs directly into your post without saving and re-uploading (reposting) someone else's work.

When you're building your post, just use the yellow GIF icon in the post builder:

You can search here by tag or keyword. If you happen to know one of the tags used on the original post you're looking for, that can narrow things down:

To narrow down to a SPECIFIC post, you can also paste the URL into the search field. This will pull up the very first gif in that set:

If you select that gif, it will pop into your post with a credit and link back to the OP (specifically back to the OPs post with that gif in it):

This is a properly attributed gif embed. The credit on the bottom right points back to the original post:*

Often, the first gif is not actually the one you want to embed, but there is a way to swap the image out for the one you want without losing the source attribution.

*It's helpful to put some reference text near your initial embed so you're able to swap the right image out later on. For this post, I'm going to use that short block right above the embedded gif as a reference.

In another tab/window, go to the OPs post and find the actual gif you want to embed from their set. Right click the image and Copy Image Address:

Once you have the URL copied, go back to your post and scroll to the gear icon at the top:

Open that menu and in the dropdown, where it says Text Editor, swap Rich Text to HTML:

Your post will turn into a bunch of code once you do this. Don't worry, we will change it back.

For this post, I put reference text above that first embedded gif so I could easily find the URLs I need once it becomes HTML. This is super helpful if you're embedding more than one gif. The reference text is highlighted below. This indicated the block that my currently embedded gif lives in:

In order to swap the first gif out for one that's later in the set, you just need to replace the SRC gifv and SRCSET gifv URLs with the image address you copied:

Once you've pasted the image address into these spots, you can go back to the gear icon and switch the Text Editor back to Rich Text:

Your post should return to it's previous, glorious state, but instead of the first gif embedded, you should now see the one you actually want from the set. The credit and source attribution back to the OPs post should remain intact on the bottom right:

This might seem super complicated at first, but it's pretty straightforward once you've tried it, and also a lot less frustrating for gif makers to see this than seeing our stuff just get reposted.

Anyway... If you found the gifs outside of tumblr or you didn't make them yourself, don't save and re-upload (aka. repost) them to tumblr, 'cause someone probably stole them from here to begin with and that's not cool. Search the tags and find the ones you want. Reblog from gif makers. If you want to embed a single gif from a set, try to do it this way, or minimally, credit the person you took it from.

[destinationtoast]

1/3 - Hi there! Three (I think) part ask incoming. You're the main person I know of who compiles tons of interesting fandom stats, so I wanted to ask you about it if you have the time to answer. :) I think a lot about how AO3 works great as a fan*fic* archive, but for other fanworks, like images, audio, video, etc., it's only as good as wherever the media is being hosted. With the way hosting sites come and go, or change their TOS to nuke nsfw or queer content, etc., it makes me wonder

how many broken image links litter AO3 at this point. I know it's not considered the primary place to find fanart, but a lot of folks do post images there—for events like Big Bangs, as standalone art, and even as decorative section breaks, etc. My question is: do you think there's a way to look at, say, works tagged with #fanart (of which there are 99,504 atm) and determine what percentage of those are broken links? From what little I understand, one would have to (perhaps with the use of a simple bot?) try to open any link bordered by the <img src> html, and see what portion of those return an error versus what ones actually load? I suppose it could even be something like looking at fanart posted in 2007, 2012, 2017, and 2022 to compare how many older links are broken versus newer links. Anyway, this may be completely unfeasible, but I figured I'd ask about your thoughts! Thanks!

Ooh, thanks for the great question! I took a while to answer because I wasn't initially sure what to recommend and ended up gathering some data to investigate. (If anyone else also has relevant data, please share in the notes!)

I liked your idea of looking at samples different years going back, and I decided to look through 100 AO3 works tagged "Fanart" (or a subtag) that were posted 10 years ago -- as a very fast starting point, I didn't even take a random sample of works, I instead looked at the first 100 multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014. (And August, when necessary; see more notes on methodology at the end.) Please keep in mind that this sample that may not be very representative of AO3 more broadly; to get better estimates, more sampling would be needed. Based on this initial data gathering (and the fact that most fanworks on AO3 were posted within the past 10 years), I would tentatively guess that that most fanart, fanvids, and podfic on AO3 still have accessible multimedia.

Given how many broken links and embeds there are on older webpages, I assumed that a ton of the links from 10 years ago would be broken. But I was pleasantly surprised by the results:

Wow -- 10 years on roughly 90% of the multimedia still works! I was honestly floored; I'd been originally planning to also look at 5 years ago to see how much better that was, but if ~90% are still working 10 years on, 5 years ago doesn't have room to be dramatically better. (However, I'd love to see more follow up sampling across different years to find out.)

There were a lot of AO3 users in this sample who posted multiple works -- some posted as many as a dozen multimedia works in July 2014. I didn't want the results to be overly skewed by any one fanwork creator, so I also redid the analysis with just one work from each unique creator:

Okay, cool, those results are pretty similar. I also did some further breakdowns on this smaller set of works to look at which hosts creators were using, and how many of the hosts were still working:

The most common fanart host used in this sample was Tumblr, then wixmp -- which I think from some very quick googling might be because Deviantart switched to using Wix for image hosting at some point? (i.e., I think most of those artists may have posted their art on Deviantart, then linked to/embedded the image on AO3, and the image's direct URL was was wixmp.) There were a few other hosts at the time that were used by 5+ different artists in the sample, and then there were a whole lot of hosts were used by just one or a few artists.

Most of the 10-year-old fanart is still up for all of these hosting categories! Photobucket is the least reliable of the most commonly used hosts. In the Other category, 25% of the links are broken, but that's still better than I expected (see full host list here).

This is getting long, so I'm moving the breakdowns for fanvids and podfic beneath the cut:

Fanvids were almost all hosted on YouTube, Vimeo, or both (the above categories are not mutually exclusive). All the Vimeo links still worked, whether they required a password to view or not. Most YouTube links were working, and the few missing ones had almost all been taken down by YouTube for copyright reasons (according to the errors I got -- I'm not rendering judgment about whether they were actually fair use), rather than by the vidder who posted it. And almost a third of vidders also linked to other hosts besides the big two, but many of those links were broken; 59% still worked. (see full host list here)

For podfic, mediafire was a popular solution 10 years ago, though many podficcers used it as a backup rather than the main link that they shared. A lot of podficcers made use of a fandom hosting site that specialized in podfic -- either parakaproductions.com or audiofic.jinjurly.com. Four podficcers used soundcloud (often as a backup). And once again there were a lot of less-frequently used hosts, often used as backup links; 69% of those still worked. (see full host list here)

Some methodology notes and further thoughts:

For fanvids and podfic (but mostly not from fanart), the fanwork creators tended to provide multiple links, and in those cases, I counted the multimedia as working if at least one of the links was still working.

I counted embedded media and links to other sites that host the media all the same way.

I counted the media as broken if I got a 404 when I tried to visit it, or if a site like YouTube had taken it down due to copyright issues, or if I got an Access Denied message for a site like Google Drive.

I counted the media as working if it required a password that was given on the page (common with Vimeo), or if an embed was broken but there were working links to other sites.

How representative is this data? Well, these samples contained most/all of the multimedia fanworks posted in July 2014; that month, there were 70 fanvids, 135 podfic, and 186 pieces of fanart posted that haven't been deleted since. So it's pretty representative of July 2014 specifically. :) But there could have been, say, a fanwork challenge going on in July 2014 that caused unusual uploading patterns then.

The above data gathering and analysis took me several hours over several days. If you want to follow up, you could do more data gathering similar to what I did (I'm happy to elaborate on my process as needed). Or you could write a bot to do something similar; you could have it fetch more AO3 fanworks and try following the links within each work. However, that would be slightly tricky; I ran across more kinds of errors and complicated situations than I expected (e.g., if a YouTube video has been taken down due to copyright, it still has a working YouTube page; sometimes an embed is broken, but if you open the link within the embed in a separate window, it still works fine; many Vimeo links require a password to test, and it could be hard for the bot to reliably find the password in the surrounding text). So you'd have to program your bot to be able to handle a bunch of different special cases.

Regardless of which path you are considering, if you or anyone else does any follow up work here, I encourage you to start by looking through a bunch of fanworks yourself and deciding which scenarios you want count as "working" vs. "not working," and any other things you want to pay attention to.

Hope that helps, and please feel free to DM me with follow up questions. And if you follow up, please share anything else you figure out in this space!

[logicbutton]

Hey guys what's up I learned bookbinding to make @cindthia a physical copy of Synchronized Cardioversion for our anniversary :3

Pics and process documentation below!

I used the following resources:

How to Make a Book by ArmoredSuperHeavy

Bookbinding Resources Master List by Renegade Bindery

r/Fanbinding

the fanbinding tag on AO3 - shoutout to r3zuri's fanbinding of a FFVII fic for their extremely informative cliff's notes version of the process

the Intro to Hand Bookbinding class at the Minnesota Center for Book Arts, an incredible resource for anyone in or near Minneapolis interested in learning how to bind their own books.

First, I typeset the fanfic. I did this by downloading it from AO3, trying to figure it out myself, checking How to Make a Book for help with a problem I was having, and realizing that I should have just used it from the beginning in the first place. I used Microsoft Word 2013.

Fonts: Palatino Linotype, Helvetica (for the characters' text messages), Beatline (for titles) Margins: .88" top, 1" bottom, .75" inside, .75" outside, .25" gutter Front matter: - Title page with only the title - "Praise for Synchronized Cardioversion" with comments from the fic - Title page with title, author name, and a colophon I made - Copyright page with fic copyright, fic URL, TLT series copyright, disclaimer, AO3 fic summary, first chapter author's notes, copyright for in-text art, book design credit, font info Back matter: - Acknowledgments (from the fic) - "Also by CindFourth" with all their TLT fic separated into Synchronized Cardioversion Extended Universe (might make another book of this at some point); Other Camgideon, Campal, and Team 69; and Other Locked Tomb

I set the page layout to "book fold" with 16-page signatures. As for the art, one of Cind's requests in last year's TLT Holiday Exchange was for art of this fic and they got not only a fantastic one-page comic from their assigned creator, our friend @anaeolist (who also did a sketch of Cam and Gideon kissing - we'll come back to that later), but also a lovely piece as a treat from our friend @kat-hikari. I got permission from both artists to include their work in the book.

The finished file was 408 pages, so I added four blank pages (two sheets) to the beginning and the end to make 26 signatures even.

Next, I printed the pages. I used my Brother DCP-L2550DW and Hammermill 11x8.5 24/60 lb. cream bookbinding paper from Church Paper. I'd read that sometimes using short-grain paper in a regular printer could cause it to jam, but it went fine. The cream color made the pages look so professional.

I folded the pages into signatures and then pressed them overnight. Since I don't have a book press, I sandwiched them between two sheets of bookboard and put a heavy box on top, and that worked well.

The next step, punching holes and sewing, was my favorite. I'd made a punching cradle using instructions I got in my bookbinding class. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, and it only used bookboard and PVA glue, so I didn't even need to buy anything I hadn't already bought for the project.

I used three pieces of tape and sewed them on using a kettle stitch.

Then I went to MCBA to use their guillotine on the text block and their board shear to cut boards for the cover.

I chose orange cardstock for the endpaper, and because I am a novice making novice mistakes I unfortunately forgot to get a size of cardstock that would let me fold it on the grain, but anyway. I trimmed it to the exact size of the pages and glued it to the text block. Next I glued the spine of the text block, rounded it a bit (not the way an expert would; you learn that in Intermediate Hand Bookbinding), added a strip of super mull and headbands at either end, and sat it under a weight to dry while I made the cover.

The Bristol board I cut for the spine was probably 1/8" too wide, which makes a bigger difference than you would think. Next time I'm going to err on the side of slightly too narrow when I'm already giving myself three board widths of a buffer on either side.

Aside from that, the cover turned out great! I could have done a better job lining up the endpaper when I glued it in, but that's the kind of thing you practice I guess.

I love the way the navy blue bookcloth looks with the cream paper, the orange endpaper, and the red and white headbands.

Now that I had the exact dimensions of the book, I could finally design the dust jacket. Remember that sketch of Cam and Gideon kissing that anaeolist did for the holiday exchange? I commissioned them to turn it into a finished piece for the cover, and boy did they ever deliver. I also asked some of our other friends who had read the fic to give me blurbs for the back cover, and they delivered too. Cind's and my relationship wouldn't have been possible without the wonderful community we met in and I wanted this gift to reflect that.

I created the jacket in GIMP at a print resolution of 300ppi and saved it as a pdf. The final step was to get it printed, which I was nervous about because it was the only part of the process that I had no control over at all. Long story short, I ended up with something I was very happy with done by a small chain print shop where I had to go in and talk to a human about what I needed.

I also posted this to AO3!

[rigelmejo]

So, I am going to make a 'lazy learner's guide' to studying chinese. It will not include some of the more effort-intensive studying activities you can do (unless someone wants me to mention some optional ones). But it will have useful study activities you can start with, and some key tools to use. I'll also probably link some of Heavenly Path Notion Site's guides, since they have some incredibly beginner and intermediate friendly resources they've shared.

I am debating if I should full on make a Chinese Grammar Guide Summary. Here's the situation: when I started learning, I read through a site called chinese-grammar.org in about 2 weeks. It was a wonderful site! It gave clear explanations of a ton of basic grammar, and only takes a few hours to read through. I think it took me 2 weeks to read since I only read maybe 1-2 grammar lessons a day (so 5-20 minutes or so of reading per day). After using that grammar guide summary site, I would then use AllSetLearning's Chinese Grammar Wiki to look up grammar points more in depth if I was confused as I'd read webnovels or watch shows. The thing is - unfortunately that site no longer exists. I just went into the wayback machine today, to find an old backup of the site. But to be honest, those lessons were so useful that it might benefit to just save them into a word document or pdf that can be saved to read. I'm going to go through the old snapshot of their site and try to back up what I can, as it's still my favorite quick grammar reference for chinese. If anyone knows if chinese-grammar.org changed their url to a new name, please let me know. They were a wonderful site.

[trixieeatingpinecones]

Back after 11 years

Hey check it out, we're back. Most importantly, I fixed the embedded Browser Trixie. If anyone sees something malfunctioning on here, let me know.

I've got 3 submissions going back to 2012, and I've seen some other new Trixcone pics here and there in the last decade.

There also seem to be some pictures lost to time, unfortunately.

The one from the last post seems to no longer exist and is from a blog that I can't track down any info about. If anyone can even point me to the artist, it would be nice to try to track them down. Usually I save local backups, but I think I forgot to archive some of these blog ones.

One of the submitted posts links here http://ask-twilight-and-trixie.tumblr.com/post/17433781144. This artist seems to have scrubbed their pony content from the internet, but if this pic still exists somewhere I'd love to have it documented. I've tracked them down and might ask them at some point, but I wouldn't want anyone else to bother them about it.

A couple of the posts on this blog were auto-detected by Tumblr as NSFW. I've posted submissions from a wide range of crude/lewd/fetish, but I don't think anything I've posted here was ever raunchy enough to get taken down. I've appealed the ones I've found, but don't really wanna scour through every post on my backend to see which ones show the flag.

Anyway, submissions should still be open, so toss up a pic, ask your artist friends, draw something yourself, and I'll do everything I can to sufficiently credit the artists and link back to whatever URLs they would like to highlight.

Meanwhile, I might scrape through Derpibooru and post some of the stuff that's shown up there since my hiatus.

she hungers

[natasha-in-space]

Hi Natasha!! I feel like I disappeared and just... never came back lol

Though I'm here to request! This time for Saeran :o

Seeing as I'm planning on starting Ray route soon, could we have a story about Saeran finally being able to confide within you after ages of ignoring his own feelings? I'd imagine that the MC would pry it out of him after noticing he's been acting odd lately. You could take a school setting or canon setting; whatevers easier!

Or, if that doesn't make sense, you could write something about Ray breaking down over feeling helpless; where he thinks that he doesn't do enough/isn't enough for MC.

Or... you could combine the two ideas and write the whole story about Saeran.

SO sorry if this confused you. Ignore it if it did! its completely fine :3

Hi-Hi, lovely to see you back!! <3 I decided to go with SE Saeran for this one, both because I'm currently in my SE Saeran brainrot and because this seems fitting for him. Good luck on your Ray route playthrough! Make sure to have lots of tissues nearby, because you're about to go on a very wild ride of emotions. Also, for future notice, my name's Mia! Natasha is the name of my OC (dw it's kinda a common thing with my url but I don't wanna change it at this point xD)

"...We all know that something is wrong, you know."

Saeran doesn't pay attention to you while you carefully make your presence known by shuffles of your feet against the floor. You are aware that he heard you. He just doesn't say nor do anything to show it. And that worries you.

Saeran was always the quiet, closed-off type. Not like you could blame him, considering all he had to go through. Similar to a feral cat, you've always respected his silent need for space and freedom. If he wanted to talk, he would talk. If he had a desire to spend time with you, he would approach you on his own. You simply demonstrated your desire to be close to him, so that he would know that you wanted him near you.

But... Even you could sense that something wasn't right today. Saeyoung felt it almost immediately, whether it was thanks to their inherent twin connection or his natural tendency to worry about his younger brother. However, just because Saeyoung knew something was wrong doesn't mean he can do anything about it, unless Saeran openly allows him to.

And he was definitely not doing that.

You had to rush down to the kitchen because you heard the sound of glass breaking, and then Saeran shouting. Upon your arrival, the younger twin had already left the room, only giving you a quick unfocused glance before pushing past you. Thankfully, no one was hurt. You talked with Saeyoung in hushed voices as you both cleaned up the broken shards, offering him some comfort in the process. Although you were concerned about Saeran, Saeyoung was equally important to you. Whenever those kinds of incidents happened, his well-being was just as important. Even if he often refuses to acknowledge it.

It seems that Saeran must have cut himself while preparing dinner, and somehow, this turned into an outburst once Saeyoung became worried and tried to help. Both of you acknowledged that there is a deeper issue at play here. Something underlying right under the surface. And it was probably something very unpleasant.

In the end, you both agreed to have you go and attempt to speak with Saeran. Since you weren't present during the entire scene. So, now here you were, silently standing over the younger twin as he sat on the couch, his back turned to you. It hurt your heart to see him hunched over like that, almost like he was curling in on himself. The position didn't appear to be comfortable to be in.

"Saeran, please... tell me what's wrong. I can see you are in pain." Your voice is soft and quiet. You don't want to accidentally push him away. You slowly take a seat on the edge of the couch, a small distance away from him to give him space to breathe and not get overwhelmed.

He shifts ever so slightly, a jerky movement leaving him with a shaky breath. It was probably supposed to be a huff, but it was far too weak to sound like one.

"...I'm fine."

You sigh. "You're not. Look... You don't have to tell me everything, ok? But, I can see that you are in pain, and I want to help you. So... just tell me what you need. I won't ask for anything more."

That seemed to reassure him just a little bit, judging by the way his shoulders lowered, and he paused, possibly thinking over your request. You didn't say anything, only allowing him to do this at his own pace.

At last, there was a reply.

But instead of verbalizing, he just shifts to sit up on the couch and turns over to you. He doesn't look at you, but quietly pulls out his hand and shows it to you. His palm is caked with relatively fresh blood, a decently sized cut being the source of the red substance painting over his skin. It wasn't anything serious by any means, but it sure looked painful.

However... something told you it wasn't the cut that bothered him. Saeran refused to examine his hand. His head was turned away, and his red bangs were falling over his eyes, making it difficult for you to see his face. But, his lips were pressed together into a thin, tense line. You also couldn't help but notice the ungodly tremble in his hands. They were shaking violently. In a way that clearly showed distress without saying a word.

You carefully grasped his wrist, inspecting the cut. Most of the bloody mess was caused by him smearing the blood over his palm, and it didn't seem as bad as you thought at first. Gently rubbing your thumb over his wrist, you pulled away. "I'll clean it up for you, ok? Just wait here."

He didn't respond, but he did give you a brief nod. You now have all the green light you needed.

Saeran hadn't said a word to you until you wrapped a clean gauze over his palm and gently patted his arm to let him know that you were done. The cautiousness with which he turned to look at his hand was unmistakable. Almost like he was sure he'll see something utterly horrifying in its place. The shaky sigh of relief he did let out, though, made you smile. He flexed his hand a bit and turned it around to look over it fully.

"...Thank you."

The murmur was both quiet and soft. Genuine. His mint eyes were filled with earnest gratitude when he looked at you, and that was all you needed. You merely smiled, giving him a nod. "Of course. Do you feel better now?"

Another nod.

"That's wonderful. I'll go put away the medkit, and-"

"-Wait."

As he grasped at your sleeve, you stopped and turned around to look at him. Once again, his face was turned away from you, but this time it was a far more bashful gesture than a distressed one. You weren't completely sure, but you thought you could see a hint of pink dusting over his cheeks.

Saeran breathed a sigh, almost like he was preparing himself before saying anything. Then, he pulled you back a little bit. "...Stay. Please."

There was no need for you to hear anything else.

And so, that's how you ended up holding him close as you both huddled up on the couch, your chin resting on top of his head as he buried his face in your chest. For a while, only the sounds of your shared breaths filled the space. You promised him you wouldn't ask for anything, and you were not about to go back on that promise.

Saeran was the one who spoke up.

"Is... Hyung alright?"

Humming, you raised your hand to run your fingers through his unruly hair. The main purpose is to keep him calm and relaxed. "He's okay. Very worried about you, though."

Saeran tenses a bit, but then sighs heavily, almost in defeat. You bite back on the desire to push him for answers.

"I... didn't mean to scream at him like that. I just-"

A shaky breath. You squeeze him a bit tighter, your other hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to say, Saeran. None of us blame you."

"-You should."

It was up to you to be the one to sigh now.

"Saeran..."

He shakes his head, but his grip on you tightens, his voice becoming shakier by the moment. It seemed as though he was engaged in a mental battle with himself. It hurt you to be unable to do anything but just hold him and let him talk.

"You know why I started screeching at him for no reason? There must be some rational explanation, right? That's what you think. Well, there isn't. I-" Another shaky breath. The sound of this one was almost like a sob. Your heart started pounding in your chest with anxiety. "I cut my hand on the knife, and just the sight of blood on my hands set me off. I threw a glass bowl at my brother because of a fucking cut on my hand."

You didn't answer right away. Gathering your thoughts and emotions is definitely necessary before you proceed and say something you might regret later. You should be careful here.

So that's what happened... Now that you thought about it, the sight of blood did always make Saeran very uncomfortable. But, to see it coating his hands... Well, you didn't have to guess for long. All three of you were aware of what actually occurred to V on that day.

And what a heavy burden Saeran had to carry with him for the rest of his life.

"Oh... Saeran..."

"-Just-" At this point, it was clear that he was crying. His entire body was shaking with silent sobs as he pressed himself further into you, almost like he was trying to hide from the world in your embrace. "Just hold me. Please. I- I feel so sick..."

So you do. Without uttering a single word. Holding him is what you do. You will have a proper conversation about it once he lets it all out.

Until then, you will be there for him to be his support.

[wienersmosh]

done with the smosh membership. :)

i cancelled my membership a couple of weeks ago and here's why.

i was a smosh royalty member. as some of you know it comes with access to the official smosh discord server. i was never very active on it. in the ~5 months that i used it i only checked it a handful of times. i had not even opened the discord app since december 2023.

last month, i decided to open the app. it said that i was not a member of any servers and with the help of a couple of friends who were still members, we figured out that i was banned. (and just today i also found out that i had been banned from the youtube livechat, which i couldn't have known sooner bc i missed the past few livestreams.) one of them reached out to a well-known mod -- a popular smosh fan artist here on tumblr, iykyk -- and asked on my behalf why i was banned. the mod refused to say why, but it didn't matter. it was either i said something inflammatory to someone (doubt it, bc i was barely on it), or because i had been leaking members-only content which, to be fair to them, i have. and i'm 99% sure it was the latter.

now... i don't know for sure who snitched or how they managed to trace it back to my discord profile and youtube account -- but i have a theory. the platform i'm most active on is smosh twitter, where i did occasionally post bts photos, screenshots of bts videos and livestreams, and little clips here and there and included those clips in edits. but even so, i highly doubt it was from my twitter account that they traced back my discord and youtube. i don't have my discord handle anywhere on my twitter and vice versa. any mention or hints of my youtube account have long been buried bc i tweet 50 million times a day.

i'm not saying no one has snitched on me for my twitter account, i'm sure at least a few people have bc my account had 1.3k followers and it was public. what i'm saying is that it couldn't have been my twitter that linked back to my discord and yt. i have a hunch that it's this tumblr post with this ianthony edit of mine, which includes multiple clips of bts videos, that got me into trouble. when i posted it, my tumblr url was different to the one i have now, and my old url was similar to my discord handle and youtube display name, and i'm positive that's how they traced it back to me.

i'm not going to make outright accusations and name them specifically bc i have no concrete proof. but i have a strong hunch that it's a specific smosh fan artist here on tumblr who happens to be a discord mod that did this sleuthing and banned me. and the only thing i have to go off of is that they weirdly have me blocked here on tumblr despite me never interacting with them in any way that could be construed as harassment. all i ever did was dm them and ask if i could see ian's halo fanfics from back in the day. that's it.

and you know what? i can't be too mad about being banned. again, i rarely used discord, so it's not like i lost something that i used regularly, and i did break a rule. it's not like they banned me for no reason. i get it.

but the part that upsets, or i guess, confuses me is that after i had been banned from the discord and the livechat, i was still technically a member. i was still being charged $20 AUD/month and i still had access to all their bts content. banning me from the discord and livechat wouldn't have even stopped me from leaking their content. so it's like... what was the point? it definitely wasn't loss prevention. i can't help but feel that this was more of a social punishment than a legal one. i think if they hit me with a copyright notice i'd be less offended, bc then i'd get the message that this is just business to them and they can't let people steal. but banning someone from the community, so to speak, but not from paying for and accessing your content, seems like such a petty, mean girl, "you can't sit with us" kind of punishment? does this make sense? especially bc it's up to the mods' discretion which people to ban AND not every single person who has leaked content is even being punished.

idk. i know i'm in the wrong in a technical sense, but cracking hard on stupid shit like leaking photos and clips -- not even full videos being uploaded somewhere else -- makes me feel like they're turning fans against each other. those who can pay vs those who can't pay. rule breakers vs snitches. no wonder there aren't a lot of ianthony stans nowadays -- most of the content we want to discuss is behind a paywall now.

i just think there should be a difference between major leaks, like uploading entire videos for everyone to see for free, and fans still being able to make fan content out of bts stuff. bc why is including one-second clips in a 30-second edit enough to get someone banned? no one is watching my edit in lieu of signing up for a membership. it's literally free marketing to entice people to sign up but i guess they don't want that.

so... here i am now. i still love smosh, i still love ian and anthony, but i don't have to further support them as a business anymore beyond just watching their videos. banning me from engaging with the community but not from paying for their content and doing free publicity and marketing for them made it clear to me they did not see a human being behind the fan account. i was just a source of revenue to them.

goodbye, smosh membership. i'm still a fan, but i guess i wasn't that important.

[poorlydrawndirk]

We're on air.

More precisely, I was on air when I recorded this, but the details are largely irrelevant. Because I don't really feel like covering fuckin' introductory quantum mechanics and telling you exactly how the influence of the Skaian universe, when applied at the quark level and taken alongside the probabilistic effect of quantum behavior, superposes via particle states and results in the formation of what you might refer to as "overlapping timelines". And that's already getting real abecedarian about this shit.

Yeah, sue me. Try boning up on basic physics while you're at it.

So. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I managed to rig this sick as hell channel-cum-blog up and get it to straddle the space-time continuum like an antediluvian Olympic gymnast doing mad splits over baby's first toy pony, but that ain't the point of this little exercise. Posting what's effectively a vlog is enough of an onanistic venture without adding Skaian Principles For Dummies: Electric Boogaloo to the schedule.

Where was I?

(Rhetorical question. Don't answer, if it needed to be said.)

The name's Dirk.

Strider. Yeah, that Strider.

I'd be more worried about internet safety, but seeing as there are only up to two people alive around here no matter how far you pull my timeline back, and I'm one of 'em, it doesn't exactly compute. Face it, brosephine: you aren't getting to year 24xx post-hilarocaust, and you sure aren't getting past that. Wasn't shat out of a lab yet when you were committing identity theft and scamming doddering old ladies out of their sadsack pensions.

(If you manage to get pizza delivered out here, I'll tip extra.)

Besides, you already knew my name, didn't you?

Maybe your next question's going to be:

"Why are you calling this a vlog when it's obviously just a blog?"

Or maybe,

"Why is your URL poorlydrawndirk when it's totally malapropos?"

Buckle in, kids. Strap yourself into that convertible toddler-safe harness and keep your ass glued tight to all the prime polyester-lined foam, because this ride's about to pull into the station and vehicular standards are some passé 21st century horseshit.

The first thing you have to understand is that even peering upon the brink of these echelons of irony is a skill that you'll never grasp in your life. But that's fine. I'm around. And if it puts your mind at ease,

I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

(There's the tired callback. It's not wrong, but it's tired. Worn out enough for it to be begging you to take it out back behind the shed and put it out of its misery.)

(I'll leave it at that for now, because self-referencing is one thing, but if I get any more meta, I'll have to start narrating in twelve-point Times New Roman.)

Anyway, I'll be breaking it down, just this once. Magnanimous as hell, I know. I could wax poetic and in doing so obfuscate the actual meaning once more from obtuse minds, thereby adding another strata to irony so layered that it's settled past sedimentary and is ready to unearth some fossil formations, but let's be real. That shit would fly over your head so far it'd be trying to dial ground control at Houston.

Here we go.

Vlogs aren't cool; making one ironically is.

Putting in this much effort into making a multiversal vlog makes it cooler, ironically.

Putting in this much effort to make a multiversal vlog when the doomed timelines are all inherently fuckin' doomed, as the name implies, and therefore functionally useless to communicate with, makes it more ironic.

I have Heart powers and am able to achieve my ultimate self through my alpha timeline. Therefore, not only is this pimped-out vlog functionally useless, but I actually don't need it at all.

Which means this wasn't too hard to set up to begin with. Ironic, considering the complex presupposed conditions necessary for bridging that 'verse gap.

And despite framing this as a vlog, this is obviously a blog.

Even though it's just a blog, all these drawings I've made had you convinced that I really thought I was posting a vlog.

And in a way, I'm still making one. It ain't the traditional format, but the almost videographic mannerisms I've been laying on you more than compensate for the fact that the video part of "vlog" doesn't exist.

Except it does, for me.

And because it does, none of these pictures are drawn to begin with. They're all film stills. Screenshots, if you prefer.

Which makes the qualifier of "poorly drawn" untrue.

But it's also almost true, because you can call them poorly drawn by virtue of them not even being drawn. Ride that definition of "poorly" down the one-way rail and you're here, selfie central, population two, me and you.

Of course, that means we have to cover the quandary of truth itself. What constitutes the truth? Titillate that thought for a second.

If I consider the attached files to be selfies, but you consider them to be illustrations, which is it actually?

An analysis of the "truth" means that we have to start delineating how much of this is subjective, tying us in bed with the concept of knowledge. The Socratic take calls for dialectical conversation and inquiry via questioning; therefore, if I just bequeath my knowledge to you on a pretty little metaphorical platter, it won't mean fuckall. So we have to keep digging. Get your pickaxe ready, 'cause we ain't hitting any diamonds of wisdom any time soon.

In fact, maybe that ain't the right direction. Flip it turnways. We gotta climb a li'l higher for what we need.

Maybe we gotta head to the roof.

now. brought cal.

where making this HAPEN.

Haha.

Just fuckin' with you.

Welcome to my blog, dude.

Want water? Imagine I got you a nice, chilled glass.

Let's get this parasocial relationship pumping.

Questions? Concerns? Misguided pseudo-parental queries about whether or not it's safe for your pipsqueak to be exposed to a full dose of radically Stridered bullshit?

Cool.

Make it all three and drop it in the asks, yeah?

[tangledbea]

You've been running this blog for eight years, and that's a long time. Long enough for the series to come and go, and have been gone for years. Long enough for me to grow from a tween to a technical adult (who can drink almost anywhere that's not the states. I don't know why I'm so hung up on this fact since I'm not american and don't drink.) Anyways that's a long time. Even though I've been lurking in this fandom and by extension your blog since Dec 2017, I never saw the very beginning of your blog. What was that time like? Did you always intend to answer people's seemingly random questions about Tangled? If not, how did we get to this point?

Hey! If it makes you feel any better, I recognize your URL from my likes! So thanks for talking to me!

The beginning was interesting. I expected this was going to be primarily an archival blog. As in I'd post (or reblog) facts about the (then) upcoming series as they were dropped by entertainment news outlets, and then screencaps, analyses, gifs, fanart, concept art, etc about the show, and people would look things up on my blog using my detailed tagging system. I learned how to make gifs so that I could gif the show. Honestly, for years I'd been following @artoftangled (not to be confused with @theartoftangled though they're doing stellar work), and I saw that they got asks about the movie a lot, and I was hoping this would be that kind of blog, too. That people would come to me for my years of experience and hyperfixation so that I could answer questions for them. I didn't expect it, but I hoped.

No, the most surprising turn of events for me was when crew members were popping up on Tumblr, posting info and sometimes art, answering the questions they were allowed to answer during pre-production, including the executive producer (who, at the time, we didn't know what he was like). So, on a day when I was actually a little depressed and knew I had literally nothing to lose, I started reaching out to people. I reached out to CS, Stephen Sadoval, and Kay Ritter (now Hayes) at first, and started talking to them here on Tumblr. Much to my surprise, they talked back, started answering my questions, etc in private chats. And the next thing I knew, they knew who I was at the studio. I was genuinely friends with people who worked on the show.

And honestly, I think they found me so trustworthy not just because of my enthusiasm and long-standing presence in the fandom, but because of my age. I'm a grown-ass adult, and was when the movie came out. There are a lot of people who worked on the show who are younger than me, and of course several who are my age or older, so I was the crews' peer. And my excitement for the show was honestly free publicity, and the kind that shows need these days: buzz on social media.

I'd say that with as hard as I worked, I deserved to be paid, but I kind of was. I got a tour of the studio, various crew members gifted me with crew-exclusive gifts (I wish the art book was among them, but alas), I was introduced to Roy Conli, I had crew who were excited to meet me, like I was some kind of celebrity, and had their respect and praise.

I also got thousands of followers who not only ask me for facts about the show like I hoped, but my opinions and interpretations of characters and events. I think the opinions and interpretations was far less expected by me, because that implies a level of popularity that I wasn't anticipating achieving. So, go me, I guess? lol

Anyway, yeah! That's how it all began! I knew I wanted to create a blog for the show, but I held off until we had a title. The day that the name Tangled Before Ever After dropped was the day I snagged this URL.

[certifieddilfenjoyer]

In Plain Sight - an interactive Gus FringxGN!Reader

============================ How does it work? At the end of every chapter, you will be presented with a hyperlink, disguised as a dialogue or action option, which will then lead you to a chapter following your choice and so on and so forth :)) Please let me know what u think (please don't sh#! on me choosing the xGN! instead of xBoy, I wanna enjoy my story as well lol) ============================ INFO: ============================ Yes, there are going to be smut chapters involved at some point. You can expect tags like: (MDNI!!!)

Domination, degradation, submission, power imbalance, sexual tension, hate fuck, choking, bondage, recording the deed, manhandling, hair pulling, dragging across the floor, Gus being the only receiver, etc etc.

The course of chapters, so smutty stuff as well, depends on your choices. If you read through the fanfic once, you can always come back to this main page and try other options! :D

The action is happening during BCS, not necessarily Breaking Bad (but I so badly wanna do something with the boxcutter, well, we will see), so you can expect appearances or mentions of Lalo, Nacho, etc. (but I don't like them so it's Gus focused) and there's gonna be Mike! <3 Now, the fanfic is not fully finished, so if you don't see the hyperlink at the bottom, it simply means that I haven't added the chapters yet. Please be patient <3 <3 ============================= UNFORTUNATELY it turns out that Tumblr does not support my idea completely as every time I edit a post, the URL of the said post changes which is incredibly bad as the more I write the more chapters I'd need to edit each time. Because of that I have moved this project to my blog that I created specifically for this and future x Reader projects: https://xrdr.blogspot.com/

You adjust the headphones in your ear and feel your heart sink as you fight to recover balance on your bicycle. You take a deep breath of fresh, moist air with a heavy scent of rain and turn the handle bar to the left. You pass through a big rain puddle and speed up, allowing your bike to gain momentum as you continue down the road. In the distance, a big glowing logo casts a cone of yellow hue on the glossy street. You feel your heart speed up as you try to go through all the possible questions that employers usually ask during an interview.

As you turn your bike to the parking lot of the fast food restaurant - Los Pollos Hermanos - you anxiously check if your pant legs got dirty. You sigh with relief and drive your bike to the bicycle stand and secure it there with a key chain. You brush your hands across the fabric of your clean, light blue shirt and enter the building. It's most deserted, probably due to the bad weather and the late afternoon hour.

You nod at the employees, currently taking care of the kitchen and the dining area. They nod back and one of them appears in front of the counter, waiting to take your order. You take a quick glance at the person and suddenly you become hyper-aware of all of his facial features. You want to inspect his entire face, but you know damn well it would be weird and most likely make him uncomfortable.

'Hello, I am here for the job interview. I was told that I will be speaking to the manager named Monica.'

The man smiles at you in the most heart-warming way you've seen in your life.

'Monica is unable to attend due to personal reasons. I will be taking over your interview process.'

'I see,' you nod and offer him your hand. 'Y/N.'

'Gustavo Fring,' he introduces himself and takes your hand into his. You can feel the strength resonating off his body and the hard texture of his palms. 'Nice to meet you.'

The name rings a bell immediately. You remember that Monica introduced the Los Pollos Hermanos brand to you over the phone and his name was mentioned at least once.

'Nice to meet you too, sir. Are you the owner of the food chain?'

'Yes.'

'Oh, I'm sure you're busy then. If Monica called in to cancel, I can be rescheduled as well,' you suggest.

'That's not going to be necessary, but I do appreciate your consideration,' he gives you a smaller smile, still just as warm as the first one.

You respond with the same expression and look to the side a moment later, feeling butterflies in your stomach. You blame it on the thrill of the new job interview and look back at the man. His eyes seem like an endless void, which immediately sinks you in.

'Do you need any more time?' he asks.

'No, but I'd like to wash my hands first,' you inform him and look around the restaurant. He lowers his gaze onto your face, observing you for a moment with a lingering smirk.

'It's over there,' Gustavo says after a few seconds, extending his arm to his right side.

You nod and turn on your heel, then go to the bathroom. As you catch your reflection in the mirror, you notice a small blush on your face.

'Oh my God,' you roll your eyes and turn on the tap, then wash your hands with soap.

When you return to Gustavo, he leads you to his office at the back of the building. The room is fairly small, with a small window above his desk. There is almost no sunlight sinking inside the office and it has a weirdly hostile vibe to it, even though the owner looks like nothing else but a sweetheart.

'Please, take a seat.'

You sit down at the chair and adjust yourself in the seat, then straighten your back, while Gustavo sits on his chair in front of you, immediately taking on a perfect posture. You can feel your heartbeat speed up as he opens up the lid of his laptop and you can see a small reflection of your resume in his thin-framed glasses.

'Let's begin, Y/N.' You nod enthusiastically and he gives you an encouraging smile as his eyes come back to yours. 'I don't usually review resumes of candidates without any previous experience in gastronomy.'

A slight hint of worry flashes through your face, immediately noticed by Gustavo.

'Can you tell me why you decided to make an exception?'

He makes a pause and observes you for a while. The single ray of the sun, sinking through the window behind him, falls onto his neck, creating a shadow of his figure, which is reaching all the way across the wooden desk towards your clasped palms.

'We are in need of employees. We are planning to expand to another restaurant soon and some of my employees from the restaurant in which we are sitting are going to be transferred, as it is closer to their home address.'

'Congratulations on the expansion!' you throw in the comment.

'Thank you very much,' he responds. 'What made me accept your resume is the fact that you live near this area, but mostly it was the fact that I realized that you are a foreigner, correct?'

'Um, yes,' you are taken aback by his question and you mask your discomfort before it gets noticed. 'I came here from New Mexico.'

'I'm from Chile. I know how hard it is to get your first job here, that's why I decided to give you a shot,' he admits.

'That is so very kind of you,' you say openly.

Gustavo raises his hands and connects them in front of his chin.

'But hard or not, I am going to treat everyone equally, without giving anyone a head start.'

'Understandable.'

'Because you do not have any prior experience with customers, can you tell me, if perhaps at school or in other areas in your life, have you encountered a difficult situation, a conflict that you managed to solve?'

Even though before coming to the interview, you had multiple sessions of talking to yourself in front of a mirror, preparing possible answers for usual interview questions, you cannot help but feel a little sting of stress at the question. Your mind presents you with a flash of an image, a painful memory of a rainy night and the car lights aimed straight at your face. There is an older man standing in front of you and a much younger one to his side.

'Y-yea,' you answer and clear your throat. 'Sorry. I remember solving a conflict in my classroom, where three of the top students wanted to take the responsibilities of being the class president. I suggested a class vote to clear the confusion. The other time I also stopped a fight between two classmates.'

'How exactly did you achieve that?'

'They were arguing about some girl. I went in between them,' you respond and see his eyebrows rise slightly. 'I know, a risky move, but it was worth it. They cooled down a bit, didn't hit each other and I just listened to both of their stories. It turned out - I don't remember the context now - but it turned out that they misunderstood each other.'

Both of the stories are made up, but Gustavo Fring doesn't have to know that. He doesn't need to be made aware of the fact that your cartel family never allowed you in a public school and that you are home-schooled. He also shouldn't be made aware of your fake ID that you used for your resume.

'How would you deal with a customer who reports incorrectly prepared food? For example undercooked chicken wings?'

You look to the side, then let your eyes wander across the wall and up to the ceiling, as you make a slow, quiet humming noise, thinking about the answer.

'Do I see the food that this imaginary customer reports?'

'Let's assume that in this particular scenario, you do.'

'Ok, so I wouldn't check the recipe, because I can see the plate, so I ask them nicely what is wrong with the food.'

''It's disgusting' - that's what the customer is saying,' Gustavo responds with a shadow of a smile on his face.

''I really want to help you in this situation, but I need some more information, please. Is it not to your liking in taste or is the quality disappointing and how?' that's what I would ask, or something similar,' you clarify.

'The quality is disappointing, because the meat is partially raw.'

'I am very sorry to hear that, would you like to receive a refund of your chicken wings order or a special offer for our menu?' you respond, choosing your words carefully. You look for validation on his face, but it is unreadable.

'Would you not try the chicken wings yourself to verify their honesty, Y/N?' he asks after a moment. I would or I wouldn't

[cheshire-castle-library]

The op who made that "wahh why isn't fandom fun anymore" post LITERALLY maintags their hate lol, they've done it for ATLA characters and ATSV characters among others. It's so embarrassing.

See this is why I don't participate in many fandoms.

Honestly, everyone is a little blind about themselves once in a while. And you and I are no exception. I'm not in the business of checking into every op on every post on this website. I have like,,, a job and shit. I don't have time for that.

OP can be right and still mess up. OP might just have unpopular opinions that you don't like, and are assuming malice where there isn't any. I don't know, and I'm not here to put that OP on the coroner's table. All I can do is reply to you.

People are allowed to have opinions. People are allowed to share their opinions in fandom space (which is the main tag, I can send you scientific papers that explain this). People are allowed to have unpopular opinions, Publicly, and SHARE THEM. What they are not supposed to do, is lord those opinions over others and use them to hurt people.

What I was agreeing with when I peer reviewed those tags was when people vent into main tags, or frankly this kind of thing? Like, when people can't stay in their lane and have to make a "judgement call" on other people? Or when people are just straight up resentful of a character or fandom, and so they like spit vinegar at everyone over it? I don't know anything about the person you are talking about, and I don't plan to look for it, but unless they're literally pointing fingers and calling people evil for liking 'unlikable' characters, I doubt it's as serious as you're concerned it is.

Like for example, I don't like Twilight. I don't personally find it interesting. I've never read it, but my friends were really into it when it came out, and what I heard of it didn't like... sound fun to me at all. There was a while in my life when I was a little bitch about that, and I'd like make fun of Twilight and I didn't think about how that might upset my friends, and it absolutely never crossed my mind to try and read it and like idk trust my friends to have good taste?

So I try to be better now that I look back on that and see how much of a tool I was. Twilight has stuff in it that's unique. It has stuff in it that's silly and melodramatic too, but its pulp and it explores some interesting themes of romance and "otherness" and age and mental health and stuff like that. So I understand that it appeals to people and it has value, regardless of whether I personally find or make use of that value.

But if I were on tumblr in 8th grade when it came out, I 100% would have been maintagging Twilight hate memes, because I was just kinda tonedef and dumb. That's being a kid. But being a kid doesn't excuse the hurt it causes.

And that is what I think people need to be careful about. Not making fun of things they don't like. Not hurting people for no damn reason, when it would be healthier for everyone to just not interact in the first place.

So also like... this anon message you sent counts as that same thing. Sending an anonymous message (so there's no accountability for what you say) to someone over the character of a third party is not a responsible way to act, and innately causes drama and stress. The OP has nothing to do with me. I have nothing to do with them. I literally don't even know their URL, and I don't plan to go looking for it. Because I know how to stay in my lane and not go looking for drama. That's an important part of adulthood, is choosing your battles. Choosing what to spend your energy on, and not looking to cause problems for yourself and others where it's not absolutely necessary.

For instance, I'm choosing to reply to this, because I think there's something important I can share about my long years in fandom with not just you, but the rest of Tumblr as a whole. I also can take this time to clarify something that obviously wasn't as intuitive as I assumed it was.

Anon, I don't know why you sent this. I don't know whether your intent was out of innocence, whether you were cross with me for some reason, or some secret third thing that I can't fathom. But if you'd like to talk about it more, my dm's are open to everyone. I won't keep replying to anon's, because that's just going to gum up my followers and friends' dashboards; but I'd be more than happy to have a one on one conversation about what you are concerned about, and your fandom experiences, and mine and how fandom has changed over the years.

This type of message isn't very effective at communicating problems.

The best possible outcome of the message you sent me is me not taking it personally as an attack or judgement, and either replying like I am here with civil and clear communication, or me just deleting it and going on with my day. Which, isn't much of a positive impact. The worst possible outcome is you hurt me badly, trigger past traumas, scare me or cow me from ever voicing my opinion again, and cause me to cut myself out of fandom again. Which has happened to me, and enough that I only interact with precious few fandoms as it stands - something you should already know since I mentioned it in the tags of the post we're talking about.

So again, please DM me if you want to talk about this or have other concerns you need help working through. But hiding behind anon and not fully explaining yourself doesn't give me a lot to go on. I just don't know what your intent is, and I'm not going to bend myself into funny shapes trying to guess.

In all honesty, the words you wrote kind of feel like you want me to feel embarrassed about OP or about agreeing with OP or about something I did? And if not, you are asking me to agree to throw a stranger that I don't know and have no interactions with under the bus to validate your opinion.

This sort of thing is why its hard to exist in fandom spaces. This is "big brother" behavior, and turns fandom into a police state. Pointing fingers only makes people retaliate, it doesn't help fandom heal or grow.

That is what people need to stop themselves from doing.

[12percentspider]

Let's discuss a matter, and if a certain someone has an explanation, I'd like to hear it.

In this house, if we're going to play dodgeball it's going to be dodgebrick.

Ah, "buymeacoffee" link. Not a ko-fi, buymeacoffee.

Huh, where's that go? A blank page actually BUT

Huh interesting. There's that same photo that's been proven is a stock photo, and you can see here from me, too:

The other image used for the fundraiser page is here:

So yes, both of these images are STOLEN. And one of them directly picturing the victims of homophobic abuse. (That's messed up! Why are you using their picture to profit off of??) Now, you may be wondering why we need to look at a now-terminated (for scamming, mind you, but I think you've noticed that by now) tumblr blog. WELL. Turns out we get the link from...

Right there. On the "buymeacoffee" page for casualdonutfire.

So this does in fact, further support this post in showing that the person behind the current blog is also the person behind the deepeagletimetravel. After all, only the owner can change a profile unless they were hacked... but why in the HELL would a hacker just change the tumblr link, and why in the hell would you not change it to your correct tumblr? Meaning this is a new url for the buymeacoffee/AmeeradelzC, only the name was changed. The same exact tumblr link is on the archived version of the previous scam's fundraiser page.

Now. If casualdonutfire has an explanation for this, that'd be very welcome, because what in the everloving fuck is going on here? I have webarchive shots showing both the terminated blog and its fundraiser page, so WHY does this "new" fundraiser link back to it? Is it just a revamp of an older, existing fundraiser page? Very possible. Just as scammers will change the names on paypal accounts, they could very well just reuse old accounts.

By looking at the waybackmachine captures of the 'Ameera' fundraiser page, it was cleared out at some point from August-September 2023. From digging through reblogs to get better timestamp nonsense, the last post was around August 8th 2023. So if someone was caught as being a scammer about that time, cleared out their buymeacoffee page, and forgot to remove the tumblr link, that would check out, as the story was yes, cleared from that page sometime between August 4th and September 26th (based on waybackmachine captures).

[genericpuff]

Remembering My Roots - Rest in Peace, RateMyDrawings

I've talked about my old art before on here, but never really fully in-depth about the site that hosted it. I was reminded of it today while going through my FB memories and felt like I should actually write a true eulogy towards what once was.

Once upon a time, before LORE | REKINDLED, before Time Gate: [AFTERBIRTH], before I had even started drawing webcomics, I entered the world of digital art through one website - not DeviantArt, not Pixiv, but a little site called RateMyDrawings. Back in the day, it was one of the most popular browser-supported art tools, offering multiple different art tools that were, at the time, revolutionary. A flash drawing tool which could replay the progress of your drawing (but the tradeoff was that you had a limited amount of 'ink' aka recording data), a Java-supported tool that was essentially Photoshop Lite (but didn't come with the recording), and later, a more refined tool supported by HTML5 (?) that offered more 3D-like brush tools. There was also DrawChat, a live drawing flash tool where you could draw with others and chat.

And on that site, I created my first works of digital art. No drawing tablet, just a mouse and a loooot of patience. They'd host contests every now and then to win budget Wacom tablets. Sometimes I'd enter, I'd never win. I did eventually get my first drawing tablet, but by then, I'd moved on from RMD onto actual software such as GIMP and Photoshop Elements.

That site is gone now, one of the first art site deaths I'd ever experience in my teen years. I was around 12-13 when I started using this site and I adored it. When people talk about missing the 'tight-knit communities' of old, I don't think of DA, I think of RMD, my first home. Unfortunately, the site couldn't survive in the 'modern' era of the Internet, overshadowed by more advanced tools and art-sharing sites like Deviantart, Facebook, and Instagram.

But I did manage to backup some of my old art pieces before the site finally became completely shuttered in the early 2020's. For a while the site was awake but lacked any content or features, with a message from the site's creator Mick that it might come back, it might not.

It didn't. The old ratemydrawings.com URL now redirects to the inactive FB page. Any attempt to bypass that kill screen like before leads to an Error 404.

But while the site was in its comatose state - before it was shuttered permanently - I was able to access my old profile and extract some of my art pieces of old. I posted them to my FB about 3 years ago, and today they showed up in my memories.

I share a lot of art pieces from creators like Rachel Smythe in an attempt to preserve media. But I also need to remember to preserve my own. So here are a handful of the 100+ pieces I drew on RMD. Enjoy ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Don't be confused by the '1987' part of the username, I picked that number because I was a huge Zelda weeb and 1987 was the year the first Zelda game was made. Whoof.

What's ironic is I actually didn't have the Featured Artist award last time I was actively on the site, so it clearly happened while I was inactive in its final days. The one award I wanted the most and I wasn't there to witness getting it. RIP.

Unfortunately that's all I really have in the way of high-resolution drawings as I wasn't able to preserve much else (though if I find anything more I'll definitely add it to this post!) That said, I was able to nab some screenshots of my homepage via the Wayback Machine where you can see more of the pieces I did back then:

There are so many dorky ass drawings here, some from Time Gate (because it's that freaking old!!!), some are screenshot recreations from anime that I enjoyed (a very common trend on RMD), some are collaborations. There was a point where I learned how to color with the mouse by using low opacity colors and layering them one at a time. Really upped my game there LMAO That Ocarina of Time Link drawing was the first one I ever did that made it to the front page of RMD and y'all, I was so proud, the site back then I think had 50k users total which is nothing compared to the Internet today, but achieving that was one of the greatest things ever LOL The Skyward Sword drawing that followed was one that really felt like a milestone in terms of my art evolution, I felt like I was finally creating something good. I believe I did that Skyward Sword drawing off another DA piece at the time, it was really common to do redraw challenges on RMD what with the technical limitations of the site - I suppose redrawing stuff I liked back then should have been foreshadowing LMAO

That feeling wouldn't last forever ofc once the art high wore off, but even to this day I look back on the pieces from that era fondly. It's where the mysteries of digital art finally started to 'click' in my brain, and I had still barely gotten started.

I also have a few drawings preserved that were done after I got my first drawing tablet, and you can really tell with the improvement of the lineart LOL That said, I think I was around 18-19 when I did these:

Now, one thing that I really enjoyed doing on RMD were collabs - specifically, trading collabs where users would exchange drawing files through the RMD PM system with one another to do steps of a drawing together. Often times I took the role of coloring other people's lineart pieces, which is probably where I started to really learn digital art coloring and come into my own with it.

A collab with user "lime":

Collab with user "Mikai":

A collab with user "Overik", which I specifically remember struggling with because, at the time, my computer monitor's screen was messed up resulting in the entire thing basically being a fluorescent pink:

A collab with "Mist04" that I don't remember doing lmao:

Collab with "Adzumi" (?). I'm fairly certain that's who it was, I definitely remember the process of painting this one, I had loads of fun with it:

Collab with user "ForgottenArtist", IIRC this one was more of a coloring page where they gave out the file freely for others to color, so this was my version. The forums on RMD were great for that sort of thing, people would literally just upload their drawing files for people to have fun with:

So I guess I drew this next little thing in 2021 when the site was still 'live' but not functional, I completely forgot I did this though LMAO Basically the main URL took you to that kill page I showed above, but if you knew any of the extension slugs, you could bypass that kill page and get into the rest of the site, which I was able to by using my username URL. So I got into the Java drawing tool and made this little thing in the hopes I could upload it. Of course, it didn't work, but hey, it was worth getting a screenshot, I suppose:

It's equal parts nostalgic and bittersweet to go through these drawings. Life back then feels so far away and yet I still remember it so vividly, the hours I'd spend drawing on the family PC, feeling more at home with the friends I made online than the ones I had in real life, listening to music that I still listen to to this day. It's far away now, but it still lives through me, in the work I do today. Even someone like me can go from being a complete noob drawing with a mouse to a professional making their living stabbing ink into other people while still drawing the same stories they drew as a child.

There is one piece I had to dig up outside of FB memories, fortunately it wasn't hard to find because I knew I had shared it ages ago on my FB so the search bar saved my skin. My very first digital art piece, of Sheena Fujibayashi from Tales of Symphonia, one of my favorite games of all time.

My very first digital art drawing:

Recreated in 2019:

Past me went through a lot, and they'd be doomed to go through even more still (they hadn't hit the plague yet). And yet they're going to survive, they're gonna keep getting better and better with each passing year. Thanks past me - you've done a lot of dumb shit in your life, but sticking with your craft wasn't one of them. Thank you for walking - through all the good and the bad that you've had to weather through - so that I could run for us both.