#I'M STILL SICK and kind of in panic mode but!!

[kingsroad]

fandom: house of the dragon. rating: explicit. (for later.) relationships: aegon x oc. chapters available: 11.

The transition from being the eldest and unmarried daughter of Lord Bryor Barren to a bachelorette drowning among men teased into a fervor by hunting and hawking and the promise of a tourney was a difficult state to maneuver with so little experience. Visitors to the Bounty were often old and infirm, recently married, or women nearing the end of their pregnancy. Their great hall rarely housed hot-blooded men.

And only once before had she been smothered with quite so much attention.

Alyse peered down into the bottom of her cup. Wine pooled at the very bottom, barely more than a sip, but still, she drained it dry. Warmth followed as the flavor spread over her tongue and up into her cheeks.

Do not think about him. Her brow pinched in effort.  Do not think about —

“Lady Alyse.”

She blinked. The voice belonged not to some half-forgotten memory, but  Aegon. Note: Guess what time it is? ♡

archiveofourown: [ link. ] — fic tag: [ link. ] — masterpost: [ link. ]

[sirfrogsworth]

Last week was crazy.

I honestly can't believe all of it happened in the span of a week. Well, I guess it was more like 10 days. But it was another... Alot.

It all started when I got my disability denial letter. I couldn't wait until I got into the house so I opened the envelope as I walked back from the mailbox. Once I saw the bad part I had an instant panic attack in my driveway.

I ran inside...

Okay, that isn't true.

I walked very quickly inside...

Nope, still not true.

Okay, I walked at my personal top speed which is probably still slow for most people... but the point I'm trying to make is that I was attempting to hurry despite only saving myself about 3 seconds of travel time.

But the hurrying made me feel better, okay?

Out of breath from my geriatric-style powerwalking, I called my lawyer's office immediately. And... he is on vacation. Won't be back until the next Thursday. I spent the entire weekend going through every panic state a body can feel. I go from angry to depressed to anxious to panicked to angry (again) to scared to more scared to extra more scared. Visions of homelessness danced in my head.

I can't sleep for over a day because my brain won't shut off. Finally my body gives out and I fall asleep on the couch watching random YouTube videos. But falling asleep on the couch is bad because I'm not hooked up to my CPAP machine. Then I finally do hook up my CPAP and my damned mask breaks. Thankfully it has happened before and I have a cool hot glue and duct tape solution. But it is hard to manage hot glue and tape when you haven't slept in days and your eyes will barely stay open. So a few burned fingers later, I am sleeping comfortably in my janky duct tape-laden CPAP mask.

Monday rolls around and I decide to go into problem solving mode. Problem solving is my superpower, so I was going to lean into that in an effort to reduce my anxiety. The denial letter said they had no records from before I was 22, so I put on my detective hat and began the hunt to prove I was sick before 2004. My aunt helped me dig through my mom's document drawer. I distinctly remember an essay I wrote to the disability people back when I first got sick. It was part of the paperwork they had me submit. It was a first hand account of my symptoms back in 2001. It also had an essay from my dad talking about how sick I was. I felt like if I could find that, the records surrounding it would all be related and from the same time period.

We go through the entire drawer and only find a few things that might be helpful. Then I realized my mom had a *second* drawer full of documents and my aunt was blocking it. So we start going through that and find a folder labeled "Ben's Disability Stuff." I would have never kept any of that stuff but my mom kept *everything* and it was all in chronological order.

She is still looking out for me.

And she may have kept me from being homeless.

We find the essay and records of my ECT treatments and the names of doctors and all kinds of evidence of my medical woes before 2004. And even if they won't accept it as direct evidence, I can use these documents to show doctors I was their patient. And my primary care doctor said he would be willing to talk to those past doctors to help me convince them to write a letter on my behalf. All they really have to say is they treated me for severe depression and fatigue. And because my mom kept a list of my prescriptions and my ECT treatments, I'm hoping that will be enough to convince them even if they don't remember treating me.

Wednesday I had my monthly checkup. And I got to peek at my main doctor's records from before 2004. It's all handwritten notes and a little hard to read (bad doctor handwriting is the most accurate stereotype in existence). But it clearly says I had depression and was undergoing ECT treatments. It even mentions one of the doctors I want to write me a letter. It's not a lot, but it is first hand, direct medical evidence from that time period. I think it will be very compelling to whoever reviews my case.

I also talked to the nurses/assistants in the office about copying my entire chart, and I thought we were on the same page, but as you will see later... we were not on the same page.

I exit the building and remember how far away I had parked. And once again I forgot to use my cane—even though I keep a spare in the car. The main lot was full and the disabled parking was occupied, so I had to park in the secondary lot. My legs were holding up so far, but it was already a lot of walking for me. Very slow walking.

His office is in the same complex as the hospital. Which is my next stop. It's the same hospital that I have been going to all of my life. And the hospital where both of my parents died.

But I need vintage medical records and that is where they keep them.

Or so I thought.

I drive from the medical office parking lot to the hospital parking lot and only the spots farthest away are empty. And because of goddamn global warming, it is 90 fucking degrees in late September. I park, lock my car, grab my man purse, and start hoofing it to the hospital entrance. I'm so nervous about getting these records that I forgot my damn cane again.

My thoughts are basically, "What if they only keep 7 years of records like everyone else? What if the records from Christian Northwest aren't kept with the records from Christian Northeast? (Christian NW doesn't exist anymore.) What if they won't send them to my lawyer? What if it costs a thousand bucks? What if, what if, what if..."

I get to the front desk and ask the lady where the records department is. She gives me directions that my brain is only capable of half paying attention to. Then I realized I left the records release form from my lawyer in the car. So I walk another half mile in the heat to my car without my cane. And initially, my thought was, "Well, at least I can grab my cane once I get the form." But by the time I got to my car my thought was, "AHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS A LONG FUCKING WALK. KILL ME!"

And so I forgot my cane.

Again.

I get back to the lobby and wave at the lady who gave me directions. I pretend like I remembered and confidently walk in the direction I recall her pointing to. I found the elevator. Thankfully this particular elevator only goes two places. Which seems like a waste of an elevator, but... whatever. I get off on the second floor and am met with a big sign with all the departments and little arrows next to them.

(I'm sure you knew what I was talking about but I'm trying to break up this wall of text with images because I am a professional blogger person.)

I see "Medical Records" and a leftward arrow. I used my keen detective skills to surmise I should probably veer left.

I find myself at the beginning of the world's longest hallway.

Without my cane.

And it is flooded with sterile florescent light and the walls are adorned with the world's most inoffensive art.

Here is a painting of a plant. Here is a painting of a bird. Here is a painting of a bird sitting on a plant. Wait, is that a... WATERFALL??

Suddenly Indiana Jones' voice shouts in my thoughts...

So, if you had to guess, do you think the records department was...

A.) near the beginning of the hallway? B.) in the middle of the hallway? C.) beyond the world's longest hallway in the world's second longest hallway?

As I enter the world's second longest hallway, I notice the art is repeating itself. I've seen that bird sitting on a plant before. I worried I was going in circles, but it turns out they probably just bought the inoffensive art in bulk and weren't concerned about repeats. I get about halfway down the second longest hallway and see a big sign sticking out... "MEDICAL RECORDS."

Note to God: The real world needs a fast travel mode.

I was a big sweaty mess and my legs were like jello. I lumber through the door and find a young woman scrolling through her phone and probably wishing she was anywhere else. She was behind a huge partition with a plexiglass divider—probably still there from COVID days.

I mean, it's still COVID days. But no one is acting like it so I am just pretending it is all over like everyone else seems to.

She notices an out-of-breath Hagrid towering over her and apathetically inquires, "Can I help you?"

I hold up a finger as I try to gain my composure and figure out exactly what I want to say. I usually rehearse this kind of thing beforehand but with all of the anxious thoughts spiraling through my brain, I totally forgot to do that.

"I need to ask questions about records." "What kind of questions?" "Well, how long are the records?" "I'm sorry?" "What year do they start?" "What year do you need?"

I'm suddenly realizing why I rehearse these things. So I take a moment and breathe deeply. I form the proper question in my mind.

"How far back do you keep medical records?" "30 years."

I shoot my hands up like I just scored a touchdown and say, "OH THANK GOD."

She is very confused.

"30 years, oh my god. 30 years just saved my life."

She is still very confused.

"And do you have records from Christian Northwest?" "Yes, we have everything from all Christian hospitals."

I try to give her a brief explanation of my situation and she cuts me off. "Fill out this form."

I look at the clipboard and it is a release form.

Do you remember way back when I walked an extra mile to and from the car to get a release form that my lawyer prepared? Well, turns out they have their own version of that and I walked all that way for nothing.

I finish the form and hand it to the bored, indifferent front desk lady. She tells me someone will be out in a moment. So I sit in the uncomfortable waiting chairs and try to rest a bit. A much tinier young woman walks to the front desk partition thingie and calls out my name. But due to her diminutive stature, she is completely obscured by a pillar and I have no idea where the voice is coming from. We do this little awkward dance on either side of the pillar, attempting to see each other, and finally we both end up on the same side. She starts looking over my form and seemed a little annoyed that I left a section blank. I wasn't sure what kind of records I needed and there was no box that said "everything everywhere all at once."

What I really wanted was any document with my name on it from the beginning of time.

But I was worried about asking for too much labor from this person so I started negotiating for some reason.

I was like, "Well, like, I really need like anything you have from before like 2004. And then maybe, like, some general records after 2004. Like, the pre-2004 records are super important. But, like, I also need to show I was sick all my adult life. So if there are like, summary records? Or, like, something?"

I couldn't stop saying like. I was turning into a Kardashian. Again, some rehearsal was probably warranted.

"I just don't want to be a burden and make you dig up all of my records. I mostly need my ECT records from 2001."

"What is ECT?"

"Shock therapy. It's for depression. I just need to show I was really sick before the age of 22."

"And who is this guy on the form?"

*ramble mode engaged*

"Oh, that is my disability attorney. You see, I'm trying to get a special kind of disability, but I need to prove I was sick before the age of 22. So anything like that before 2004 would be very helpful. But like, if you have less detailed records after 2004 that is good too. Because I may need to prove I've been sick my entire adult life."

*continued rambling until I notice she stopped paying attention*

She did not need to know all of this. And I was not answering the questions she needed answered. I was nervous and babbling and oversharing and I couldn't snap out of it. And I was really concerned if I asked for too much, she was going to be upset. But then she told me all of the records were in a warehouse and she would not actually be finding them for me. She just places an "order" for them. So this weird negotiation thing I was doing to keep her from being annoyed at me was pointless.

And I also realized... this is super important.

I yell at myself, "Ask for everything, stupid! Quit trying to get halfassed records because you're worried about inconveniencing someone."

Finally I just say, "I want every medical record you have from before I was 22 until now."

And she was like, "Sure."

Well... that was easy.

I thanked the tiny lady and the bored lady and exited back into the second longest hallway. My adrenaline was surging. I kept yelling, "30 YEARS!!" in my brain. I had to tell someone this amazing news. I had to tell them right that second or I might burst. So I grab my phone from my man purse and dial Katrina.

The thing is, I only call Katrina when something really bad happens. People don't make phone calls anymore. People text! So when she picked up the phone she answered with a very worried tone. As if somehow a third parent of mine died or something.

"THIRTY YEARS!!!!" "WHAT IS HAPPENING??" "They keep records for 30 years!" "OHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's amazing!"

She probably didn't hop for joy in real life, but in my mind I like to pretend she did. I start explaining everything that just happened and how they most likely have my ECT records and then I realize I am in the middle of the world's second longest hallway and I don't remember which direction leads back to the world's longest hallway. And because I am having unusual and extraordinarily good luck, a medical worker was walking by right at that moment.

"Which way back to the elevator?" "This way!" "Oh great! Thank you!" "Or that way. There are two elevators."

There is that normal luck I recognize.

I can feel the universe realigning itself. But that is okay, because...

THIRTY YEARS, BABY!

I talk to Katrina as I traverse the two longest hallways. Thankfully I was going in the correct direction and found the proper elevator. After a nice chat about various things including problematic 80s movies, we hung up and I decided to treat myself to a hospital cafeteria chicken quesadilla. They are surprisingly delicious and I ate them every single day while my dad was in hospice. Those quesadillas were a single bright spot during one of the hardest times of my life.

So I walk up to the grillmaster and look at the menu.

"Wait, where is the quesadilla?" "We stopped making those two weeks ago."

Universal realignment completed. Luck has returned to its original state.

A male nurse in front of me commiserated. "Yeah, man. I miss them too."

I walked back out to my car both happy and depressed. An odd combination of conflicted feelings. But my day was not over yet. I needed vaccines and groceries. Naturally, I went to the grocery store with the CVS. I got my dad his last booster there, so I was confident they could take care of me. I grab a shopping cart and pick up a few things on the way to the pharmacy. I get in line at the little vaccine check-in spot. The woman in front of me is getting her booster as well. Otherwise, the pharmacy is empty and the three employees are just scrolling through their phones.

After the previous booster seeker was taken care of, I tell the woman I need a booster and a flu vaccine.

"I can give the flu shot now and set an appointment for the booster." "You never required an appointment before." "We just started a few weeks ago." "Can I make an appointment for, like, now?" "No, sorry." "Do you have the booster in stock?" "Yes." "Do you have someone here qualified to give the booster?" "Yes." "Do you have any other appointments right now?" "No."

I tried very hard to keep my composure and remain polite.

"I am disabled. It is very hard for me to get out of the house. Returning another day would be very difficult. Can you please make an exception?"

"I can get you in tomorrow."

I probably should have asked for a manager at this point. But I had no energy for confrontation. She started preparing for me to get the flu shot, but I told her I was going somewhere else. My happy news was quickly being soured by weird rules that made no sense.

But I did see a cool robot.

I got my groceries and loaded them into my car. Some were frozen items so I made sure to turn the A/C on full blast. I called another pharmacy. It was the one run by the Jamaican family who came out to the house to give my parents boosters during the height of COVID. I asked if they could do walk-in vaccinations without an appointment. And in that beautiful accent, they replied, "Sure, come on by. We'll take care of you."

Their shop is in Ferguson. Which I'm sure the news has convinced people is a constant warzone or something. But the main street, West Florrisant, is actually really neat in spots. A lot of small businesses catering to the Black community. There was a soul food place and an African hair braiding place and a Taco Bell. Okay, it wasn't all Black-themed shops, but the pharmacy was directly next to the "Wumzy African Attire" tailoring shop that was combined with the party planning store.

And in the back was an African beauty supply depot.

Three shops in one! Just a very efficient use of space.

And looking through the window of the tailoring shop was like a feast of colors for the eyes. I don't know how they get fabric so bright and colorful. Really beautiful patterns too. I tried not to look like a creep while staring inside so I just walked reeeeeally slow toward the pharmacy entrance.

I just wish people knew that side of Ferguson. It's a beautiful community that was really dragged through the mud by the national media.

I digress.

I walked into the pharmacy and it was long and skinny. They had a few shelves with over-the-counter health products. But the main area was pretty empty. I guess they want to make sure they can accommodate long lines without people having to wait outside. But their working area seemed really cramped. There were some awards on the wall and news articles. Apparently, they are very involved with vaccinating the local refugee community. Something you won't see at pointless appointment-having CVS. I just felt like I was in the right place even if my frozen items were thawing and my legs were buckling from constantly forgetting my cane in the car.

The shop was run by the pharmacist and matriarch. Her son took my information. He looked about 18 and was a bit shy—but very kind and helpful. He directed me to this little partition they set up for vaccinations and they had a liquor bottle full of hand sanitizer. The label had a big "DO NOT DRINK" warning. I found a picture of the exact one on Google.

I washed my hands and rolled up my sleeve. The pharmacist greeted me with my shots prepared. Some people have a sort of magic touch when it comes to giving shots. I'm not sure if it is a special technique or just lots of experience, but aside from a little pressure, I didn't even feel the needles going in. And my arm was only mildly sore despite the double shots.

I really wanted to thank her for sending someone to vaccinate my parents when no one else would. But I was really tired and chickened out. So I just thanked her and drove home.

I unloaded my groceries and collapsed on the couch. I could barely move at that point. Everything hurt.

But... 30 years.

I was feeling good the next day despite everything. My body hurt, but my brain was contented from my success. But there was more to do and everything was trending downhill. I called those doctors mentioned in my personal medical records. I knew it was a long shot, but I asked if they kept records from 2001. They did not. However, I thought the psychiatrist who did my ECT was dead. And it turns out he is just old-as-heck and still practicing. So even though he doesn't have records and probably doesn't remember me, I am hopeful he will write me a letter.

My other psychiatrist from back then is also still practicing. No records there either.

So far my phone anxiety wasn't getting the better of me. But I still had more calls to make and I could feel my brain starting to get melty.

My pocket knife doesn't open correctly and I couldn't get anyone to email me back from SpyderCo. So I called their office in Colorado and tried to get someone to talk to me. I got bounced to three different people and finally a guy told me that model is just hard to open. So that was pointless.

Melt. Melt. Melt.

And finally, I had to call the dreaded CPAP supply place.

It did not go well. At all.

You can read more about it at that link, but the short version is I got angrily sighed at for asking reasonable questions about what the hell "chart notes" are. And the lady refused to answer those questions for no reason I can fathom. She eventually brought me to tears and got angry at me for doing so. And it turned out the call was pointless as well.

Oh, and my lawyer was sick. Remember him? Vacation guy? Who skipped town at the exact moment I got my disability denial letter? Yeah, I had been waiting for 7 grueling, anxiety-filled days to speak with him and he gets sick the day he returns.

Brain is melty goo.

Hey, Universe! I think you are overcorrecting with that luck realignment. I appreciate the 30 years of records thing, but can you let me enjoy it a little?

Friday arrives and I still have calls to make. The CPAP lady really messed up my brain and so just dialing the numbers was freaking me out. But I decided to start with the worst first. I called the CPAP lady and she finally had her precious "chart notes" and put my order through. She was cheerful and helpful and I was confused but thankful.

I thought maybe things were looking up in my phone call adventures.

My next call was to my primary care doctor's office.

One thing you need to know about my doctor is he is a bit of a... hot mess. A very smart, capable doctor. He knows his stuff. I suspect he has an eidetic memory due to his instant recall of medication names and doses and things that happened 8 years ago and detailed descriptions of medical conditions he only heard about in school 40 years ago. Aside from that, he is kind and compassionate and he has my back no matter what.

But he is technologically stuck in the 80s. His personal life is a roller coaster of drama. He once hired his girlfriend of 2 months to work at the office and his regular staff secretly whispered "She's so awful" behind his back. (They broke up soon after.) He is disorganized and constantly running late. And he takes on tons of frustrating patients because they have nowhere else to go. I admire him for treating so many poor elderly folks without any family to take care of them, but you can tell it is extremely challenging at times and a lot of that labor is delegated to his staff.

His office manager is probably the only person on the planet who can tolerate him being a hot mess.

Unfortunately, she is also a hot mess in completely different ways.

She tries to speedrun through everything. It's probably because she has a million things to do and is trying to fit 12 hours of work into an 8 hour workday. I try to be sympathetic and understanding of that. But one of her methods for speeding things along is attempting to use her psychic powers. You will start telling her what you need and she will do this thing where she cuts you off and tries to predict said need.

"I need a prescription for..." "Your thyroid meds are due, right? I'll send it over to the pharmacy." "...insulin. But I have a question about..." "So thyroid and insulin? No problem. I'll send it over." "...increasing my dosage." "Wait, what's yer question, hon?" "Was it 50 units..." "No, it's says 100. Okay? I'll send it over. Take care." "...twice per day or 100 units once in the morning?"

Often her predictions are so bad that it actually takes a lot more time to correct her than it would if she had just let you finish speaking. And this is especially problematic for me because I rehearse everything I need to say and she constantly interrupts and so I have to end up improvising new things to say that I never accounted for. And I'm already anxious and not thinking clearly so I do a poor job of explaining my needs and it just ends up in disaster.

So I have a complicated situation. I need my entire written chart copied and sent to my lawyer. I know it is a lot of work for the office staff. They probably have to copy several hundred pages. But this is probably the most important evidence in my disability case. And my lawyer has already volunteered to pay the several hundred dollars it will cost. It's worth it because if my case goes well, I could get years of back pay.

I call and get the young woman whom I really like on his staff. She is very quiet and unassuming but secretly the star of the office. Like a ninja of competence. If you really need something done properly without mistakes, she is the best one to go to. But her job does not include handling the records, so she transfers me to the office nurse. The office nurse does not process new information well. You often have to explain things several times. And if she gives up trying to understand, she hands you off to the office manager.

The Final Boss, if you will. I was really hoping I could avoid that.

"Okay, so my lawyer needs all of my written records..."

"He needs to fax a form saying what he needs, okay honey?"

"He already faxed a release form asking for records and I brought in a new copy yesterday with all of his mailing information..."

"He didn't fax anything. He needs to tell us what he needs. I'm not seeing any form. Just tell him to call me."

"He is out sick today and he already faxed the form and I brought a second one just in case. I signed it and dated it and I watched Competence Ninja put it in my chart. It asks for everything..."

"Okay, I see it here. This doesn't look right. He needs to tell us what he needs us to send him."

"It says in the letter, 'to release any medical information, including medical records, written letters, treatment reports, testing results, or similar information.' Should it say something different?"

"I've been doing this 20 years and I've never seen anything like this. He needs to be more specific. I ain't sending him all that, hon."

"So, this is for my disability case. I already talked to the nurse about this. And I know it is a lot, but the doctor's records are the only direct evidence that I've been sick since 2001."

"So you just need something from 2001? Okay, the lawyer needs to fax something saying that."

"I need the entire handwritten chart copied and sent to the lawyer. We need a full record of my illness because..."

"This is ridiculous. You're lawyer is fucking lazy. I've never seen anything like this. And I'm worried he is not going to represent your interests."

"This is not a normal disability claim. If you'd allow me to explain I think you'd understand why I need..."

"Disability should already have all this. We shouldn't need to send this. This is fucking ridiculous and you need a new lawyer. You're going to lose your case with his lazy ass."

"This isn't normal disability. I need to prove that I've been sick for a long time and..."

"This is going to cost a fortune, you know? We charge 50 cents per page. You're going to be out hundreds of dollars."

"Okay, but I will be out thousands of dollars if I don't get this copied."

"Fuck it. I am going to copy this ONCE. No more after this. UNDERSTOOD?"

And... she hung up on me.

My heart was beating out of my chest with panic and my eyes were blurry with tears. And in that moment, I thought I had done something wrong. My doctor gave me his personal mobile number so I call him up with tears apparent in my voice. I explain what just happened and that I was really sorry and that I didn't mean to upset her. He told me she is "just like that sometimes" and I shouldn't take it to heart. They have a very serious deadline for something due that day and she was very upset and I was collateral damage. I asked him to apologize for me and he said there was no need. He said we'd work it all out on Monday when this deadline wasn't stressing everyone out.

It wasn't until I calmed down a bit that I realized I did absolutely nothing wrong. That she was just being a big jerk and taking her other problems out on me. And I was probably the one deserving of an apology. I also remembered this is not the first time she has blown up at me. She was the one who tried to make me get a ventilator instead of a proper CPAP machine years ago. She said, "My mom has one and it works fine." And I was like, "So if I travel I'm supposed to take 12 pounds of medical equipment instead of a 1 pound device that fits neatly into a backpack?"

I get why my doctor made excuses for her. She works very hard and puts up with him. He'd never be able to find anyone that would last a week doing that job. And I have a feeling he probably defended me after I called. I played what he said back in my brain and noticed a frustrated tone. Despite what he said, it seems clear he was pissed.

I can make amends and figure things out with her. That isn't an issue. But I am worried that between her and CPAP lady, all of the progress I've made trying to reduce my telephobia was erased. I really was getting better calling people. I used to need Katrina hanging out on Skype while I called anyone as moral support. And while it still helps, I've gotten a lot better at calling strangers on my own. But now, I'm not so sure.

I might ask if there is an office email address I can use from now on. If I can write out what I need there is no way to get interrupted. I can be clear and detailed and use my writing skills to communicate way better than my phone skills.

I don't know.

It was just a crappy way to end a stressful, exhausting week.

But it wasn't the end!

Friday evening my sick lawyer finally called. I had rehearsed all kinds of things I wanted to say to him. But it turns out, all of my emails already did most of the talking—proof that I write a great email. He was really impressed with all of my detective work. And he said if those records pan out, he is very optimistic about my case going forward. He also said that he was expecting a denial. And it was probably good that we got that out of the way quickly. And now we get to mount more of a defense, which is what lawyers are good at. We talked for about 20 minutes and came up with a battle plan. He explained the process going forward. But he mentioned one thing that worried me.

This could take a while.

A lot longer than I was expecting.

I explained that I currently have a runway until about June 2024. That's when the mortgage money runs out. However, my brother should be willing to release my inheritance in March. I hope. I have a hard time trusting anything my brother says anymore. But if he does, then I should have another year of mortgage payments. But I am definitely going to have a Plan B just in case my brother finds a new way to disrespect my father's wishes.

The lawyer said there is a quick thing and a long thing. The quick thing has a low chance of success. But it is worth trying. The long thing is a hearing with a Social Security lawyer. He said a lot of these lawyers are miserable and don't want to be there and don't really care. Which is a good thing because they'll just be like, "Fine, whatever." But it can take a long time to get a hearing due to backlogs.

So, as long as I can gather all the evidence and the hospital records have my ECT stuff, I think there is room for hope. A little hope. After years of chronic illness I know hope is sometimes dangerous. So I allot a tiny bit of hope to keep me going forward, but not enough hope to leave me devastated if things go tits up.

So... umm... I think that is the end of this novel of a post. I feel bad that I don't have a big climax or twist or cliffhanger. Should I add a big CGI dragon fight?

Even though a more down-to-earth kung fu fight with my brother would be a more satisfying conclusion?

Or I could pull an M. Night Shyamalan and reveal that I've been dead for quite some time.

This post is getting really long.

Why are you still reading this?

I am thankful that you are. I just needed to get all of that out. I hope I wrote it in a compelling way and you weren't bored.

I love you all.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello, it me :D

Idk how you want to structure this or how it's gonna sound when I try to type out what's in my brain rn, I do know that I want this to be a full hc tho

Ok. So. I've seen some art here & there of some of the M6 with their own children; mostly just babies but there are a couple older kids in the mix as well. This is where things in my head get weird so bear with me:

I'm thinking this ask could go three ways (I also don't know if Nadia & Portia will be able to fit in to this ask but it is what it is), and you can do just one of the options or all of them, I'll let you choose:

A. M6 reacting to MC telling them they're pregnant

B. M6 & MC mid-pregnancy preparing for the baby

Or C. M6 getting to hold their kid for the first time

Hopefully this makes sense I think it provides an opportunity for incredible wholesomeness whatever you decide :)

The Arcana HCs: M6 during MC's pregnancy

~ ohoho, now this, this is the kind of prompt that makes my heart sing! @themushroomgoesyeet I hope you're ready because I'm doing all three of those suggestions in here, just you wait >:3 - brainrot ~

Other baby-related hcs: M6 when someone hands them a baby

The M6 when the child they have with you is an exact carbon copy of them

-- for the purpose of these headcanons and because I write for a gender-neutral reader, MC is pregnant with a baby that is equal parts their and their LI's DNA. This could have happened the traditional way (depending on how you envision your MC or if you headcanon your LI as trans), or simply by magical means. For my fellow trans men, seahorse dads are still dads! And to my fellow AO3 readers, mpreg is possible. Always. O.O --

Julian

For the first time in his life, he was well and truly speechless

And delighted. In fact, his speechlessness was because of the unforeseen tidal wave of joy that crashed over him as soon as you told him and it knocked all the air out of his lungs

Pulling you into an embrace as soon as he can move again and trembling with excitement: "Really? You're going to have my baby? We're going to be parents? I'm going to be a father? Haha!"

If he was bad about hovering before he's terrible about it now

Detailed research on all potential issues (which leads to him having crippling spirals over all the ways this could go wrong)

Auntie Pasha and Great-Grandma Mazelinka are here for it and so overwhelmingly supportive. It's hard to resist Julian's regular suggestions of bed rest because they make it so feasible

Mazelinka's soup was heavenly for your morning sickness

Julian collected at least three different remedies for every single pregnancy symptom you had and filled multiple notebooks with doctor's observations. Even down to tracking your sleep cycle

He also called in several favors to make sure that at least two other doctors would be available leading up to your due date - one for you and one for the baby. (he still insisted on being the main one)

He managed the birth impressively well - years of medical expertise kicked in and he went full "doctor" mode, keeping a cool head and open communication and anticipating every need

Until he held his child for the first time and had to sit down because his knees gave out. He has a whole new reason to live well

Asra

You know that panicked blushy face they make? Yeah, that was it

You briefly mistook it for horror - you know he likes surprises, but this is something else - but it was really his own panic at suddenly being plunged into a whole new world of emotion and instincts

Their first motion was to reach out and place their hand over your heart to confirm it through your bond, if only because they couldn't get their words to work and they needed that grounding touch

Once he's collected himself, he's over the moon. Is it terrifying? Sure, but it's also going to be the adventure of a lifetime, and it means building a new future and family with you! As parents!

They want to tell Aisha and Salim about it as soon as you're comfortable because they've done this before, they can help. And also because they’re going to be grandparents

Covers you with enchantments to keep you and the baby safe and happy and keeps a growing list of the most unhinged baby names to make you laugh. Faust likes to gently squeeze your bump

Makes every pregnancy craving you have and tries it with you, no matter how weird. He's got three years of practice being your caregiver and his patience for the mood swings is unending

Spends an hour every night with an ear against your baby bump, listening to them grow and thrive

Offers you every type of pain relief they can find. If not for your sake, then for theirs, because seeing you hurt makes them panic

Holds you the whole way through childbirth, no matter how messy, and stays so reassuring and supportive

Scared to hold the baby at first because he's so shaky from emotions. Won't put it down once he does

Nadia

The news is so unexpected that she just can't believe it at first

As in, her brain is genuinely incapable of immediately processing what you've just told her, so she just finishes her task before running it through her head a second time before it sinks in

The loudest gasp you've ever heard, you see her drop her teacup as her hands fly to cover her mouth and she stares at you in surprise

So happy. So, so, so very happy

She was never going to pressure you into having children. Between her driven nature and her ongoing loneliness, she'd resigned herself to never being a mother after marrying Lucio

But oh my! What a wonderful surprise! There's so much to do, she's slightly worried that nine months isn't going to be enough time

She sends for multiple physicians and invites several of them to live in the Palace through the pregnancy, and begins the interview process for your baby's pediatrician as well. She wants you healthy

Has the time of her life decorating the baby's future room and ends up getting so emotional looking at all the tiny clothes and shoes

Refuses to let you sleep by yourself. She doesn't want you to feel limited on a day-to-day basis at all, but she doesn't like you being alone for too long, especially during such quiet and precious hours

Prefers to hold off on giving her family any news or updates until she's had at least a few days to let it sink it. Each update she does send provokes a tidal wave of letters and advice and offers, not to mention Grandpa Namar's tear-stained letters of excitement

Has to hide sobs when she holds her child and announces its name

Muriel

Straight up disassociates. Not due to any fault of yours, it's just a lot. Especially given his own context for parenting (or lack thereof)

"Muriel, I'm pregnant." soul gets yoinked through the stratosphere

You know him well enough to expect him to need a moment, so you're not surprised when he shakily nods, takes a deep breath, and tells you he'll be back before dark before walking off into the trees

Deeply apologetic once he gets back because in hindsight ghosting you might not have been the most appropriate response

He's happy, if not deeply anxious, but he gets more and more excited with every pregnancy update

He makes the baby's crib himself, seeking out the tree with the best wood, chopping it up, designing and cutting the pieces, carving and sanding and painting them with the utmost care

As your due date gets closer he starts reverting to an old habit of his, waking up several times through the night with a need to keep watch for any dangers or discomforts and make sure you're warm

You wake up to this sometimes, with him sitting quietly next to you in bed, one large hand resting protectively on your belly, a quiet smile on his face as he stares at the cradle on the other side of the room and counts every tiny kick the baby lands on his warm palm

He doesn't hesitate to tell Asra, Nadia, (and yes, Julian) about your pregnancy, because he knows they'll be able to help you in ways he can't. Watching you in pain during birth is almost traumatic for him

Doesn't say a word when you hand him his baby, just looks back and forth between you and them in delight and awestruck joy

Portia

Screams. Legitimate, jaw dropped, lung-deep screaming

Yes it's because she's excited!!! You're pregnant! That's amazing!!

Funnily enough, she doesn't bring up telling anybody else until several weeks have gone by or until you suggest it. She's used to keeping secrets and this is so special she's still finding words for it

She's also more familiar with what pregnancy can look like, and she doesn't want to make any big announcements with you too early

Borderline obsessive about making sure that you're properly fed and cared for. She keeps every snack stocked, gives you massages every night, asks you about any symptoms and offers relief

She ends up inviting everyone over for dinner so you two can break the news to them together, and if one Devorak wasn't loud and emotional enough, two of them are almost too much for the roof

Mazelinka is quick to offer her services, whether that be bringing soup, taking you two (three?!) to Nevivon so the grandmas can help, grabbing one of the grandmas and bringing them here, etc

Pepi develops a new habit of bringing you stolen fish at least once a day to make sure your growing kitten is properly nourished. the smell doesn't help your morning sickness but you appreciate it

Portia cries every time she sits down to work on another onesie or baby blanket or cloth diaper, which is several times a day

When it's time for you to give birth, she holds your hands as tightly as you hold hers and nearly knocks a doctor out of the way to catch the baby

Full-on happy sobbing when she holds them. Gets jealous anytime someone besides you gets to hold them longer than her

Lucio

Assumes you're joking until you tell him otherwise because what

It's not that he's against it, but realistically speaking he knows that one of him is already a lot to handle. And you're cooking another??

Once you convince him, his exuberant yells startle flocks of birds from the treetops in a half-mile radius. Speaking of trees ...

You two are journeymen. Where are you going to settle down?

You end up picking a spot close enough to Vesuvia for your old friends to be able to help, in a town where you know you'll have a fresh start. Buying a cottage is hard when you're used to a palace

Lucio occasionally remembers his mother's comments about how her pregnancy with him made the Red Plague seem like a summer cold, and then he panics about how much pain you must be in

Sits bolt-upright in bed four months in to your pregnancy in a cold sweat because it just hit him that your belly bump is actually an entire tiny human that's half him and half you and it's miraculous

Starts talking to your bump almost constantly after that

Everything from what the dogs are doing, to the right way to start a fire, to the best types of cookies - he's telling it all to the bump

Does he know, logically, that your baby isn't likely to be born missing an arm because of his amputation? Yes. Does he still have an irrational fear of that happening? Also yes.

Has such a hard time controlling his frustration during the birth when you're in pain and there's nothing he can do about it

Wraps his golden arm in a baby blanket and doesn't care about the mess the first time he holds them and presses a kiss to their head

[geekyarmorel]

Re8 characters and how they react to a sick reader who also demand cuddles.

Alcina:

When realizes that you're sick she engages 'mom' mode.

Instantly puts you in bed.

Refuses to let you get up.

Has all sorts of juice, water, and soups sent to you.

Does whatever she needs to done quickly so she can be by your side.

Offers to read to you.

Sits by the bed and reads to you.

Blushes softly when you snuggle over close to her as possible.

When she goes to leave she brushes your hair out of your face.

You sleepily ask her "Hold me?"

Her heart melts and she says "Of course draga mea, anything you want."

Slowly she eases herself in beside you trying to not disturb you.

When you snuggle into her side she almost turns into a puddle from melting at how sweet it was.

Absolutely refuses to part with you the remainder of your sickness

Donna:

At the first sign of you being sick she immediately starts making medicinal tea.

Has the dolls guide you to bed while she works on making soup for you.

Makes sure you have plenty of blankets because she knows the house can get a little drafty at times.

Dotes on you, making sure you always have water or something warm to drink.

She knows you like hearing her sing (rare that it is) so she sits by your bed and sings a soft lullaby to you.

It's one her mother sung to her as a young child.

She's not for sure when her hand found yours and your fingers intertwined.

Goes to let go and get some more water for you in case you wake up and need some.

When she starts to pull her hand from yours it wakes you up enough for you to whine out "No. Stay, cuddle."

Donna's face nearly combusts.

Her heart aches for you and decides she will cuddle you.

Carefully slides herself in beside you, trying to give you space.

You stir just a little and she calms you down.

"It's okay cara mea. Sleep now."

She scoots just a little closer and puts her arm over you to hold you.

Melts when you curl against her and fall back asleep.

Rests with you for a long time only leaving once you wake up so she could bring you more soup.

Heisenberg:

It took him a little bit to realize you were sick

But as soon as he realized he grumbled "Get to bed dumbass."

Once you were in bed he gave you a glass of water before going back to work.

He worked for a while before his gut said to check on you.

When he checked on you, you were shivering and running a high fever.

"I'm cold." You whine and that's when he knew it was bad.

If you were cold in his factory.....fuck that wasn't good at all.

He won't say he worriedly called Donna, he'll absolutely deny he was worried.

Donna knew he was though as he asked her for medicine and some kind of soup for you.

She had it ready that afternoon and he quickly picked it up before coming back to you.

"Hey wake up kid." He said, his voice a bit rough. "Take your medicine."

You resisted at first but when he pulled you into his lap you immediately gave in.

Once you took it he tried to put you down but you clung to him.

"Cuddle me, please?"

He gives in and slips you and him in the bed after kicking off his boots and removing his hat and sunglasses.

Will later refuse to admit he snuggled you close and played with your hair to lull you to sleep.

Also refuses to admit that it made him happy to take care of you after all you've done to take care of him.

And when you run to vomit he holds your hair out of your face if needed.

"I got you. Had some of these days myself, of course I was really drunk but still."

Mother Miranda:

Oh when she realized you were sick she almost had a panic attack.

It made her think of how her little Eva got sick and never recovered.

She was terrified of losing you as well.

Even though she never showed how nervous she was on the outside, inside she was scared to death.

"Go to bed, I can do this myself."

You honestly thought you made her mad by being sick since she didn't show much emotion.

Getting in bed you sniffled, trying not to cry.

Miranda found she couldn't work because all she could think of was you and being worried.

She gave up and went to the kitchen, fixing a bowl of your favorite soup.

She also procured some medicine for you to take.

When entering your room she noticed you had been crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry I'm sick and I can't help you bring back Eva." You answer, refusing to look at her.

Miranda sets down the bowl on your nightstand.

"You don't need to apologize. Your health is important to me, we need to take care of you so when we get our Eva back we can be there for her."

You felt better and sat up in bed, letting her sit by you and hand you your soup.

After eating and taking your medicine you laid down to rest, when noticing Miranda was about to leave you reached out and asked "Don't leave me, stay and cuddle me?"

Miranda practically melted on the inside, laying down in a comfortable position she curled her wings around you to the best of her abilities.

Cue you falling asleep in a cocoon of soft feathers.

Miranda eventually slips out to grab some work before coming back and slipping beside you once again.

She won't admit it but later she presses three sweet and tender kisses to your forehead before curling herself up with you and finding sleep herself.

[imaginewarehouse]

Jacob Stone x Reader || Oneshot

Plot: You're sick and tired of constant jobs. I mean- you'll go, of course you will. There are people who need your help. But god--

All you want to do is still stay at home and make out with your hot artistic cowboy boyfriend on a Saturday. Is that s o much to ask??

Warnings: Sexual references maybe. Tiny ones.

🔆🔆🔆

The blinds are drawn shut, the room dark except for the shock of white daytime light slipping inside through the crack in the curtains; bars of white painting the middle of the bed and a strip of Jake's back a brighter colour. Music is playing softly in the background, something mellow and non-distracting that Jake picked since its his place- his stereo- his tunes.

You're laid out on the bed all-comfy, a pillow under the arch of your back and your legs wrapped around a beer-barrel waist and Jakes on top of you; holding himself up so he doesn't crush you, but ehhhh still crushing you a little. You love it.

A gentle, relaxed moan slips out of you when he parts from your lips for a second to take a tiny breath and switch sides, before pressing his soft mouth back to yours and slipping his talented tongue back between your lips; kissing you slowly, like the passionate poet he is.

-then suddenly a loud, obnoxious ringtone sounds and you're so surprised; you jump! You knock your forehead into Jake's and nip his bottom lip! "Ah! Shit- " Well, a little more then a nip. You actually bit him!-

"I'm sorry!" You exclaim, shocked and guilty as you both sit up and you watch him wide, worried eyes as he touches where you bit him. When he finds no blood, he just shrugs; flashing you a grin. An amused grin. Amused, at your panic (Like you're so fricken cute). "I'm so so sorry- "

"Don't worry about it. Now," His gaze wonders over to his phone on the dresser, and your heart falls; remembering the ringtone. Your hopes for a quiet, slow morning are crushed. "What was that?" As Jake reaches past you for the phone and presses answer, pressing it to his ear and straightening up again, you give a sigh.

"One guess." You pout, wrapping your arms around your knees and hugging them to your chest, a bored and annoyed look on your face as you watch him.

His eyebrows lift up hearing what's said through the phone that you cant hear, and he nods; Going into business mode. Damn. You were right- Without needing to know what exactly is being said, you let your legs hang over the side of the bed, touch the ground, and get up. You begin your search for your pants, still with that frustrated look on your face. Where did they end up last night??... We watched Dracula, I kicked off my shoes, then we went to sleep and I wiggled outta my jeans... ha! Over there- "Really?... Huh. Okay, yeah, Y/N'll meet ya at the library in 10- "

Jake stops talking, and you're not sure why, til you turn around and catch him looking at you. You raise your brows, like what?

"What's that look on your face?" He hisses (Well, mutters so whoever's on the other end of the phone cant hear him- but in his voice it sounds like a low, husky hiss), his eyebrows knitting together. He's already dressed, having been up writing on his laptop beside you when you finally ended your (Much deserved) sleep-in; and you kind of resent him for it. He's all put-together, he doesn't need a break- he's happy to go on another life-or-death mission right away! At the drop of a hat! As he should be! But you?? You feel like Grumpy the dwarf after a cut-short hibernation. All you want is to stay in bed with your cowboy and make out. Or sleep. Or watch more old movies. It doesn't really matter what you do, so long as its in bed.

You feel like you've been on missions non-stop lately; risking your life in a million different ways. It feels like you're fighting to survive so much that you're forgetting why.

"Nothing," You shrug, turning away again and grabbing your pants. After all, you cant complain. You're helping people! People need you, and Eve, and Jake and the other librarians. That fact is not lost on you, and honestly most of the time you love doing what you do--

But sometimes you're just... tired. Like today.

Eh, you'll get over it you guess.

"Nah. Nah nah nah- its not nothin'." You feel Jake's hand wrap around your wrist and pull you to him where he's moved to sit at the end of the bed. To the phone, he gives a quick 'call you back cass', before chucking it backwards on the bed and drawing you in closer; not once taking his intense eyes off of you. Usually you love those eyes, and honestly you do now too, but they are so full of smarts that you do sometimes you feel overwhelmed. Like you don't even have to talk- he already knows what's going on. And sometimes, like now, you just don't want him to know everything! "Tell me."

"Its really nothin- "

"Don't say that again," he shakes his head; a flicker of annoyance. "Go on, tell me."

You give him a look. "... no, I'm awful."

"First of all, you're the opposite." He brushes over that self deprecation quickly, nipping it in the bud before you can even truly feel it. "What? What- You don't wanna go to the library??"

"I- " How do you explain without sounding silly? Huffing out a sigh, you slip your wrists out of Jake's grip and run your hands through your hair. "I'm just tired, I guess. I know! Thats not an excuse to not save the world from monsters, or gods, or whatever the hell else wants to take over today- I know that. But I'm just- so- ughhh."

Slipping out from between his knees, you slump down on the edge of the bed beside him instead; dropping your face in your hands and your elbows onto your thighs. You don't doubt Jake's focused art-critic's eyes on the whole time. Analysing you like some old Rembrandt. Seeing your shame. "My bones feel heavy." You say, quietly.

A moment passes before you feel one of his hands on your back, rubbing up and down; working out the tight stress-filled knots in there. Then you hear his voice, but he's not talking to you??

"Hi again Cass- yeah, uh, on second thoughts we're actually gonna sit this one out. You guys got this, right?" Immediately you sit up stock-straight, turning to Jake with wide eyes. What?? You mouth, horrified.

He gives you a mystified look back. Mouths 'what?' back at you.

Your jaw drops.

"No no no- we can go! We can go! We can definitely- Thats not what I was saying." What is he doing?!? They need you two! They need him, for definite! Just because you're tired, doesn't mean you can just chuck a sickie!- "We have to go, Jake, don't- " When you reach for the phone to tell Cassandra that he's joking and you'll be there, Jake catches your hand and leans away from you, finishing up the call and preventing you from stopping him.

"Yeah yeah yeah, great. Thanks, Cass! Goodluck! Call me if you need us- yeah- bye!"

Then he hangs up and chucks the phone behind the bed, between the wall under the window and the mattress, where you cant get it.

You're half considering diving after it, but Jake starts rubbing comforting circles into your knuckles and you turn your gaze back to him; shocked and confused.

"... but- " Before you can argue with this decision, Jake leans over and kisses you. Its warm and slow and almost as good as before, making your head all fuzzy and quiet. He pulls back, and you struggle to open up your eyes again. ... still- "But-"

"Come on." Jake gives a comforting grin, a devastatingly handsome cowboy grin that makes your insides turn into mush and your shoulders relax. And he's still rubbing your back, so you're feeling so so sleepy and slow. "You're tired- I get it. We've been on mission after mission for weeks. Almost 2 months. And you've been so damn good with it, savin' our asses at least 10 times. They'll be fine without us this time, you know that." He assures you, which makes sense now that you're calm enough to hear it- they will be fine without the two of you. You all take individual jobs all the time, and besides- they have Flynn this time. Your perfect, sweet boyfriend gives a shrug of those broad shoulders of his. "'nd you deserve a break."

... taking hold of his hands, you lean in and press your forehead to his. "So do you." You say earnestly, gaze flickering over the bags under his beautiful eyes.

"Yeah. So lets do that, huh? Together. C'mon," When Jake gets up abruptly, letting go of one of your hands but keeping the other to tug you up with, rubbing those comforting circles back into your skin, you look up with curious eyes at him. "Lets getcha a cup a tea, or somethin'. Whadaya want? I'll order."

"Mmm... " You close your eyes and think, a tiny grin twitching onto your lips. "Um... pancakes." Pancakes sound like absolute heaven right now. Fluffy, and drenched in syrup, with some strawberries??

"Aw yeah, that sounds freaken good, actually."

When you open your eyes again and see him smiling, you nod and wrap your arms around his neck. You're thinking about pancakes, and restful bones, but also how good Jacob smells. And his weight on top of you. And the romantic timeless way he kisses. "Uhuh." He wraps his own around your waist, pulling you in against him. "... but first,"

"Hm?" He grunts, your noses brushing against eachother and him suddenly becoming quite distracted; being so close to your lips. "Wha?"

"... 20 more minutes in bed."

Immediately he nods, guiding you back onto the mattress and crawling over on top of you, adjusting your hips back over the pillow so you're comfortable. "Forty, at least."

[poisonedspider]

This is just my 'safe place' (ironic since it's full of demons and sinners haahahaha) so I just need to vent a bit. But I'll put it under a trigger warning for drama, cancel culture, blocking, whining, whatever else you want to say. It is against no one in particular, for the record!

I just hate that I legit have PTSD from Tumblr fandoms. Like. That sounds silly, but it's true - and I can say it's true, as a therapist, because I meet all the criteria. And I've talked to my own therapist about it (which is kind of just....sad me thinks). Like. I am a big believer in this is your space and make it how you want. Curate it how you want. This is a hobby, you owe no one, blah blah. Yet I still always go into full blown panic mode when someone blocks me out of nowhere. Especially when we were either a) having great reactions and nothing out of the ordinary seemed to happen or b) we had yet to interact but wanted to and suddenly...nope.

Like if I didn't have the PTSD behind it, I'd still be sad. I adore writing. I adore storytelling. I want to create with every single person on here. But it wouldn't send me into this absolutely distressing DREAD. The fear the rumors are being spread about me again. (If you ever need/want to know what happened in past fandoms, my inbox is always open, but I can tell you that as of January 2023 so literally a whole ass year ago, the person apologized directly to me *I have every screenshot trust me I made sure to cover my ass so fast* and took down the faked call out). The fear that people still believe those rumors. The fear the people see the name 'Strode' and immediately block because they heard something that was just never true. The fear that I'm going to wake up to anons in my askbox telling me to k*ll myself again, or see the 400+ reblogs of hate against me saying scum like me shouldn't be on this website.

And honestly? Even if that stuff had been true (again, it wasn't, and I'm....so annoyed and hurt by it all but - ) that was still A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. Do people not change? Or are they not given the ability to? Tumblr can be so whack in how it crucifies people and does not allow room for growth. So at the end of the day, it's hard for me to see a block as 'innocent.' It could be ANYTHING. Maybe I post too much ooc. Share too much fanart. Didn't reply in enough time. Who hecking knows, right? It could be literally anything. Hell, maybe I'm interacting with someone they don't want to see. But because of my trauma, it always comes down to fear. Fear of what do people think I did. Why am I the bad guy now. What is going to make me scared to survive in this fandom as well.

This is all very much Benadryl/Mucinex inspired but....I like to share my thoughts. I think it can be helpful for someone to see and be like "I needed to hear this, because I have felt this way too." To realize people aren't alone. Because in October 2022, I felt the loneliest in my life due to 'cancel culture'. To watching my followers drop from 600 something down to 142 (no joke). To realizing I spent some of the last moments I would have with my grandma before she stopped remembering who I was crying about fictional people who suddenly hated me over night.

Sometimes it makes me scared to sleep. Not knowing what I'll wake up to. Not knowing who I'll lose next that I've grown to care about. I guess just know that you all matter to me, more than just a hobby. I see you as friends. I care about your days. And if you were to disappear, I'd be worried sick.

Again, no shame about blocking. But at the end of the day, a 'block' can have a lot more impact than I think people realize.

(Also haaaa the fact that I got an inbox message right as I was typing this and my heartrate peaked so quickly then I saw it was just aracniss like lol for some reason that's hysterical because that brotherly shit WOULD happen just to mess with Angie).

[quitealotofsodapop]

[I imagine the pair would still get blind-sighted by the news - and yelled at by Pigsy who at first believes its another fruit-baby situation XD]

Ooh, wait, just occurred to me…assuming it’s just Liang whose preggo and not both of the Fruitiedads – cuz not sure even Buddha wanted to know what those two were up to XD – then he’s pregnant, while on the Journey…all the morning sickness, weird cravings, pregnancy brain, bouts of exhaustion…those would be fun times.

While not scientific, imagine if Liang got DOUBLE pregnancy because he’s got twins – so, he forgets things he has on him, making him look for it, but he also forgets what it is he’s looking for, which often means he just wanders off.

Reborn-ZBJ getting so sick of it, he ties a rope around Liang and Tripitaka’s waists – “So, when Master gets kidnapped again-” *Offended Monk Noises* “-you know it’s true! Anyway, Monkey then will find them thrice as fast, because he’s also attached to his mate and kid. And likewise, if Liu Er starts wandering away, Master won’t be far behind to let us know where to find them. Simple!”

sequel to Smokey and Liang's possible Eclipse Twins.

Liang being like "Eh we've made kids before, can't be too hard" when he finds out about incoming twins, only to get spells of fatigue and nausea almost immediately.

Frequently confuses the names of the kiddos with one another (anyone with multiple siblings will tell you that this is a Mom Thing), and panics when he think he's misplaced one of the babies. He didn't, turns out Ao Lie was being used as a horsey ride and he forgot to say something.

Smokey is a protective guy at the best of times, and now that his mate is vunerable He's like a guard dog ready to snap at anyone who comes close to his little troop. Liang thinks he overreacts, but he finds it sweet.

The kiddos all def crowd around Liang, both similarly protective and curious. Xiao Qi doesn't know what to expect - Bama isn't a tree, where fruit coming out? The wolf siblings frequently fall asleep with their heads resting up against Liang's stomach, both poised to growl at any potiential threat.

Liang does have ways of using his condition to his advantage however...

Smokey and Xuanzang/Tripitaka: *arguing over Smokey's violence/the monk's naiveity* Sha Wujing: "We should really intervene." Liang, pregnant and holding one of the fruitie babies: "Don't worry, I know how to get Wukong to stop." (Liang waddles closer to Tripitaka and Smokey) Liang: "Love, my feet hurt. Can you help me settle the cubs down for a nap?" Smokey, immediately forgetting Tripitaka/the fight: "Ah. Sorry, moonlight." *picks up Liang bridal-style and walks away as some of the kids cling onto his back* Sha Wujing, pleasantly surprised: "Ah. That did get him to stop." Zhu Bajie: "...I'm terrifed of that Liu'er Mihou. Any being that can get Older Brother to behave himself has power rivalling the Buddha himself."

Meanwhile, Tripitaka is just left mid-lecture just like ( •̀_•́) cus he's still got stuff to say, but he knows its useless to snap SWK out of dad-mode.

Of course now demon and celestial kind are convinced that Smokey and Liang have been doing nothing since the king's return except multiplying. His FFM subjects are thrilled, while the gods shake in terror.

[jestersmonsters]

Jester's Monster AU

Part 10 (End Of Chapter 1)

Warnings(for all parts, not just this one): Blood, gore, general angst, panic attacks, violence, death, dismemberment, attempted cannibalism (from vampires & werewolves), trauma, possible bad writing (I try), and the closest thing to realistic trauma responses I can get in a tmnt monster au.

💜First - 👈Prev - C1 Art Dump👉

Donnie was on his phone in bed, looking for more info on vampires. It was hard to know what was real and what was just fiction. He was getting increasingly frustrated.... but with what Mikey had told him, he was able to kind of guess. He preferred to write it down on a notebook or something, but since he was trying to rest, he just wrote what he knew in his notes app. He'd have to make a physical copy later. He was most worried about that "withered stomach" thing Mikey had mentioned, so he was looking for more details on that. It took some digging, but this is what he found:

Vampires can eat and drink any food or drink regularly so long as they feed on blood once a week. A week without blood will cause one to be unable to stomach human food from then on this is what they call the withered stomach. If another week passes without this being resolved, then the affected vampire will go into a defensive mode, losing control of their body and attacking any blood they can smell to drink it. If they are fed in that time, then they will return to normal, but if they remain hungry for approximately four hours longer, then the withered stomach will then become permanent if the vampire does not starve to death first.

This information cleared things up for him. No more starving himself from now on, got it. Sure didn't make him feel much better, though.... He already felt sick at the thought that this had happened to him. He assumed his little outburst had come just from that he was new to all this, and his body was still weak. Maybe he'd been trying to replenish energy lost from..... dying. It scared him, though. He'd bitten Casey of all people. That guy was supposed to be tough, and yet he wasn't able to defend himself... just how strong had the vampirism made him? Normally, the idea of being so strong wouldn't scare him, but it did. Because it came with the idea of hurting his family.

As if sensing his stress, there was a knock on the door, and Leo's voice came through. "Hey Dee, can I come in?" he asked. Without answering, Donnie just clicked a remote to open the door and let him in. Then Leo just sat on the edge of his bed, hands clasped quietly. "We didn't really get a chance to talk earlier, so I thought I'd start. And you know I don't apologize often, so you can't fight me on this, but... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking to you for so long. I wouldn't have minded you bringing me back to life, honestly. But the way you did it really scared me. All of it scared me. The way you looked at me with that creepy smile, all the blood, the way my body looked, all of it." he paused a moment to look at Donnie, who wasn't looking back, just staring at his phone with brows furrowed. He just sighed and kept talking. "But when you died, I think.... I understood why you looked at me that way. Because I would have done the same thing in that moment to get you back. It's still... scary.... but it felt like the only thing I could do so.... I get it." he finished. Donnie was looking at him now. He'd put his phone down, and he was just staring. His expression almost looked blank except for the slightest bit of tears brimming his eyes. Cautiously, he placed his hand on the other's.

Leon just smiled at that, understanding that it was Don's own version of an apology. "S'okay bud. I'm alright. You patched me up real good." he assured, leaning over to see what Donnie was doing. "You find anything out?" he asked. "Yeah. Just more about what my diet's gonna be like from now on." Donnie answered. "It's..... a little scary, though. I don't... I don't want to hurt anyone else." he said. To which, Leo just squeezed his hand. "Hey. I didn't get those blood bags for nothing. We're stocked up plenty! And with Raph and I around, even if you do get a little hungry, you won't get your teeth anywhere near anyone else, alright?" he assured, wearing a confident smile. But seeing Donnie was still worried, he just placed his free hand on his shell and rubbed gently. "We'll figure it out, mkay? Just get some rest. You'll be okay." he said in a quiet voice. With that, Donnie tried his best to quiet his troubled mind as he shut his eyes and drifted off to a deep sleep.

[End Of Chapter 1]

[melishade]

Musze się przyznać spodobała mi się pokojowa linia czasu czy będzie tego kolejny rozdział.

Previous Episode of the Peaceful Timeline

One little snippet I wrote out

Translation: I have to admit I liked the peaceful timeline, will there be another chapter of this.

Well maybe. Depends how interested people are. There are a question by darkrenger or something but they submitted it as a submission and not a ask, so I couldn't answer it. The gist of the question was what happened to Eldia as a whole after King Fritz's death.

I'm going to say that Optimus took Ymir six years into her power, so yeah, the Eldian Empire didn't do too much damage to the rest of the world. And some of the soldiers were...actually moved by Optimus' actions and words during his battle with Ymir. Sure, the public census is that Optimus slayed Ymir, but those soldiers knew the truth. Optimus appealed to a monster. He wanted to save a monster who he recognized was a slave to King Fritz. The monster was afraid of King Fritz. So to imprison all of the Eldians based on the actions of one man, what were the chances that Marley themselves would be creating another monster. So they don't enslave Eldia and come to a rather uneasy compromise that takes time to work out. With time, it works though.

Still what else happened in the Peaceful Timeline:

-Optimus and Ymir kind of go through the motions of getting more acclimated with each other and going through a lot of the hurdles involving Ymir's pregnancy.

-Optimus and Megatron's relationship is...quite shaky when they encounter each other again. Even Ymir notices something is off, which is why she stays so close to Optimus.

-Oh, when Ymir goes into labor, it's literal panic mode, because Ymir didn't want to get anyone in the village involved. She just couldn't trust them. Optimus does ask some of the mothers on what to do and takes notes, so Optimus has to help deliver the baby! And Megatron has to help Ymir deal with the pain. Megatron thinks this whole situation is disgusting and annoying and doesn't take it too seriously when he gives Ymir his hand...Only to have her fucking shatter it in her grip as she screaming in pain. Not a fun experience for Megatron, since Megatron is now on the floor dealing with the aftershock. Soundwave putting pain receptors in the holoform was such a stupid idea!

-But the baby was delivered safely, and Optimus follows the rules on bathing the baby while Ymir heals from her wounds. Megatron is just so fucking annoyed at this point! All of that for that thing?! It looks like a slagging potato! (He doesn't voice it out loud but he is thinking it). Optimus wraps the baby and hands her over to Ymir, and both of them can't help but notice the way Ymir cries and holds her daughter so close, like she's the most precious thing in the world. Like she was the only thing that mattered.

-Doesn't mean things are easy. Things do get more complicated for the three, because now there was an another living being in the home that had no real way to communicate other that crying. Megatron helps with getting food for Ymir, since he doesn't want to deal with the baby crying, while Optimus helps take care of the child. They still haven't named her yet. They don't know what to name her.

-There is one time the child gets sick and Ymir doesn't know what to do and she's terrified. Optimus is trying what he can while consoling Ymir, and Megatron's gotten too attached so he goes into town and tells them about the baby's condition. Megatron doesn't really have money, so in exchange for supplies, he'll do some hard labor for the town. Which the locals agree to. The baby gets the medicine and recovers. And Ymir hugs Megatron and thanks him, and Megatron just feels awkward.

-Megatron ultimate decision is what gets Optimus and Ymir more involved with the village. They see Megatron working on roof in holoform and Optimus...doesn't know how to feel about it.

-The village knows for a fact that all three of them are fucking odd, but Megatron provides help, albeit begrudgingly, and Optimus is extremely kind to the locals. The women of the village help name her baby "Maria". Funny how thinks work out.

-When Maria does learn how to crawl, stand, and walk, it's a weird sight for both of them. Because Optimus and Megatron are already given those basic functions as a Cybertronian, but Ymir feels so happy when Maria walks over to her and she holds her tight.

-Optimus communicates with Maria in a rather gentle manner. Not really baby talk but it's still extremely sweet. Maria coos at the sight of him and reaches her pudgy hands to Optimus' holoform.

-Megatron talks to Maria like an adult. He will have full blown conversations with her, and she has no idea what he's saying and it's really just Megatron talking with himself. If Maria babbles or gurgles, Megatron takes it as a sign that Maria agrees or disagrees and continues talking. Optimus is just shook while Ymir giggles at the sight.

-Ymir does whisper to her to say Mama because she does want her baby to hear her voice, even though she mainly communicates through reading and writing, and it does work because Maria does say 'Ma!' and Ymir just treasures her even more. She loves her daughter.

-Maria ends up calling Optimus 'Pop' because she can't say Optimus or 'Op'. She assumes 'Pop' and Optimus spark seizes.

-Maria calls Megatron 'Meg', and Megatron is embarrassed and infuriated. Excuse you?! Megatron picks Maria up, looks her dead in the eye, and tells her his name is Megatron. Me. Ga. Tron. She stills says 'Meg' with a giggle, and it's a back and forth of 'Megatron' and 'Meg' and Optimus is just 0.5 seconds away from dying of laughter. Megatron's had enough and tells Ymir to take her child because she's broken. Ymir is just happy and kisses her cheek because 'Meg' was her third word.

-Megatron is aware of who Maria's father is, and part of him...just can't understand. The man harmed Ymir and kept her as a slave. Why in the Allspark would she keep his creation and carry out his legacy? Optimus does explain that other means are not available in this day and age. Everything is extremely different from Earth's standards. Even so, Ymir loves that child, and doesn't see Fritz. She just sees her child. Optimus then asks Megatron if the child should be judged for the actions her father committed? And Megatron just see's a helpless little baby put her foot in her mouth and begrudgingly says no. The baby was completely clueless about everything.

-Ymir is actually ridiculously smart in this timeline because she has Optimus as her teacher. She can't really speak, but she can read and write. Optimus also teaches her about the stars and where he and Megatron came from and Ymir can't help but admire them more.

-Optimus calls Maria 'sweet spark' as a little nickname and enjoys the way Maria laughs at the nickname.

-Megatron gets used to Maria calling him 'Meg' and just doesn't bother correcting it. He's actually endeared to it, but refuses to admit it.

The Peaceful Timeline is just fluff and shenanigans with a hint of angst here and there because of Ymir's trauma.

[sureuncertainty]

today has been a Day and it's literally only 12pm

(tw for vomit mention below for any fellow emetophobes that follow me i'm gonna talk in detail about what happened bc I need to get it out somewhere so please be careful but i'll put it under a read more too)

Basically my Worst Trigger happened today (aside from me being sick myself), a guest was violently sick in front of me, and not even like. directly in front of me and thank god not on me, and i also did have warning so I was able to step away, and not be like. completely blindsided by it. but i thought I could handle it, and so I did not, as I should have completely removed myself from the situation. so.

but i did see it. and hear it. and it was a lot. like oh my god. and like listen, i literally cleaned up vomit when I was custodial and that was fine, but it's really the actively watching it happen and hearing it happen that set me over the fucking edge

and ofc i'm around my coworkers so i have to act normal, and I was like hm, i should probably leave the area (and i'm having this through process literally AS the guest is actively vomiting again and again) but then i'm like nah everything is fine my emet is better now so i'll just process it later. and the guest just. kept throwing up. and i kept hearing it. even if i wasn't seeing it. but i couldn't stop from looking at it a few times and i did see it i saw a lot of it and now it's permanently imprinted in my brain but ANYWAY

i finally was like okay i literally cant be here, and left the area, to run into a custodian which was really fucking lucky so I told him about it and i maintained my composure here, i was like cool i'm fine everything is fine and then I ran into another coworker who could obviously kinda see what was going on. and i was like hi yes i can't be around that. and she was like yeah. valid. i don't like being around it either

and i'm like hahahaha yeah definitely that's definitely my thing it's definitely a normal thing and not a debilitating phobia that's affected me my entire life and i thought was getting better and i guess it is but today it went right back to Full On Panic mode bc my coworker (bless her) took me to the side and she could tell i was starting to freak out. and i'm trying to keep myself from freaking out, like it's fine, I'll freak out later, I can hold this in, it's fine. I tell her I have emetophobia. she starts to try to distract me, so she asks me about the tattoos on my arms, I start awkwardly telling her about Silence Agenda, but I can't think, I can't focus on anything I'm saying and then I don't really remember exactly what happened after that, since I definitely dissociated a little bit, but it was one of those panic attacks where I couldn't breathe and my entire face went completely numb, like, it was BAD. i haven't had one like that in a long long time.

thankfully my coworker was really good and helped me kinda breathe through it, and she clearly had experience with this kind of thing, and a coordinator showed up (bc of the guest issue, which ofc made me feel even worse bc wow now you gotta go comfort the cast member who's having a panic attack bc of an already bad situation that you also have to deal with)

and overall the entire thing was mega embarrassing, and no one made me feel bad about it, but I kept (and still keep) thinking about how i should be fine with this i'm supposed to be okay, I work at a theme park and i used to work in custodial and it NEVER affected me like this before, even though this was obviously a different situation, and everyone else was fine, like they were grossed out but able to keep doing their jobs, and I was the one who fucking lost it and so there's that whole level of shittiness on top of the regular shittiness of being in a triggering situation at work

so yeah. i'm not doing well. i ended up coming home early and i'm supposed to go to a concert tonight and probably will but i was already anxious about it and now i'm just like. wow. i'm so pathetic. anyway. thanks for reading if you read thru this

[foxoftheninetails]

Okay. Same rules as always apply: you can interact if you want to, or ignore this if you don't. As always, I know I'm a lot to handle.

I've had good mental health for over a week. Things were going great, I felt good, was sleeping, kind of eating (still struggling there, but usually 1+ meal a day, even if the + was an uncrustie), didn't have any intrusive thoughts. Then last night I could feel the spiral coming on, and for the dumbest trigger imaginable. For a totally irrational and juvenile and stupid reason. Which makes it even worse really.

It doesn't help that I may be getting sick, or I may already be sick. Not sure, and not sure where that might be going, but I know its not helping.

I mentioned recently that my friends are everything, my heart and soul. But probably 3 or 4 times a week I think to myself: "Wouldnt it be easier, safer, less hurtful if you just...didn't? Let your friends go, they were probably at least as happy when you weren't around. You can drift away from them, let the distance get wider, and you dont have to hurt anymore."

I dont mean friends like we talk once every few weeks or exchange letters or whatever. I mean the friends I can barely go a day without talking to them, the ones that I seek out to say hello to. If I leave, they wont notice for long, and I wont lay awake at night wondering if I said something wrong, if they havent said hi because they're mad at me, if this is all a colossal fuck up and they're screwing with me. Because it has happened. To me. Multiple times.

I guess I didn't realize just how much I let certain people in. Which is stupid, right? Because how can someone be so out of touch they didnt see the 6 foot layer of bullshit come down?

So, what if I didn't? What if I went back to just me and my partner, and my thoughts? How long before I crack in half? How long before I decide I cant handle it, I cant be that alone. I was able to do it once, when I was so much stronger. But I lay awake at night, after the first wave has passed, in a cold sweat. And my mind says you could stop the anxiety if you just get cold again.

I spent 10 years working. I know, I know. Everyone has had a job, has dedicated themselves to it. It was nearly all I had. In my family, you get up and you do your chores, then you go to work. When you get home, you make sure nobody else needs help with their stuff. If you're lucky, after exhausting yourself in manual labor for 12 or 14 hours a day, you can watch tv until your eyelids feel like iron. I cant tell you how many nights I fell asleep on the couch. The last time I went on "vacation", I had to help put a new roof on my parents house. When I was a teen and wed go visit family in NY, there were always chores. Mow the lawn, repaint the fence, redrywall your aunts house, put new decking down. Work was all I knew. Much to my surprise, people didnt do all of this all the time. They had downtime, they had reasonable hours, they had the ability to say no.

Thats another one. Saying no. Seems easy, right? I can type it to myself all day long. If I told my parents no about work, or side work, or any chore that fell into my lap because my sister said she didnt want to, I was punished. In a backwards and manipulative way. Suddenly none of my favorite foods were in the house, my room was never clean enough, I had to do all the dishes from dinner because it just didnt make sense to run the dishwasher.

So when I say I could just flip the switch and become cold again, my whole body goes into panic mode. My heart is racing right now because somewhere, someone is going to read this and know what is going on inside my head.

The only thing more terrifying to me than making an ass out of myself in front of my friends, more terrifying than them getting mad at me; is not having them. I honestly think it might kill me.

I let them in too far, and now what if they leave?

I guess I can't let them go after all. I hope that they don't want to be let go of.

This was only slightly more convoluted than usual. If you're insane enough to read this, I'm sorry to subject you to what is essentially word vomit. I need to get this out, or it will eat me alive. Never really understood what people meant by that until now, that holding certain things in can kill you, can devour you.

I'm afraid of getting hurt, and I'm too afraid to be alone. I just need to not push people away, even though that is my immediate response. Just take a step back for a day or two, its no big deal. Then suddenly four months have gone by, and they're either tired of trying or didn't care enough to in the first place. Hard to say which of those is worse.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, except everything is lined with razor blades to make it more interesting.

[calebkoalasalle]

Bit in the backs*de (Almost!)

After the rude awakening in my afternoon principle study lesson, I went for my gig at night. I thought it would be a chill night in a piano, vox, sax combo for the gig as I had worked with the slated singer quite a lot of times so repertoire wise it was quite settled. Those were the details fed to me. However, when I got to the gig, I saw Bobby Singh, meaning there would be drums. Then I heard from Bobby that Eddie Jansen was coming to play bass. Which is great! Eddie is absolutely fantastic and such a nice human being. Love being around him and playing with him. Lastly, in a series of funny circumstances, I found out that it was going to be a different singer because the previous one was sick. So now I had no idea what songs we were going to do and then came the best bit.

The band did our soundcheck. We ended it at 6:30pm. The gig was supposed to start at 7pm and the singer could only come at 7pm. But the GM at the event wanted us to start playing right away. So guess who had to play the melodies of the songs and stuff? I'm not shy to admit that I kind of went into a panic/auto-pilot mode seeing the situation. At that moment, we were unsure if the singer was going to come for the gig as well. So, I was staring at potentially 4 sets where I had to play instrumental...........and I definitely did not have enough songs for that. The irony of the lesson that I had in the afternoon was not beyond me.

Thankfully I did have some tunes that I've learned over the years that I really love so I could still start playing some instrumentals at 6:30...and thank God that the singer showed up at 7pm so I could be relieved from the stress of knowing that "i don't know enough tunes to last 4 sets of playing instrumental". So the moral of the story for me is to really try and take some time to learn more tunes. Even though I feel a disconnect to them. It could save my life at a gig someday.

[loosesodamarble]

SCREAMING AND CRYING AND FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND PUNCHING THE FREAKING HEAVENS! AKSHFAUHAIETHIUAEHT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I CANNOT TAKE THIS!

Fuegoleon is in panic mode because the world as he knows it is being threatened! His happy future with Solara and their kids is being threatened! Hope and joy and safety would be gone! KHGAEITUAEHT! AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!

The way the prose shows his worry and fear. How he's so focused on making sure that Solara, in that moment, was alright! 😭

Laura, girl, why are you doing this to my heart?! 😭😭😭 KDAhiutahst! 😭

But then... Fuegoleon gives himself a moment to pause. To assess that Solara is alive by the feel of her mana. And he's considering the options, few though they may be. And he decides on something that he doesn't like. But it's the choice he feels is the best.

Staaaahhhhhpt! Stop is with the soft fluffy imagery! Of the things Fue is trying to protect! IT MAKES IT HARDER!/lh

And right when Fue enters, Solara is there, showing her own concern. Though it's a confused concern... Aaaaaahhhhh! 😰

Solara, honey, maybe you shouldn't know... The stress it would cause... Think of the babies...

Kfhaisurt! Fuegoleon thinking about his lowest moments. How there've been times, now including meeting Lucius, when Fue was unable to do anything. Hnnnnnggggghhhhh!

The place Fuegoleon goes to mentally... He's really out of it. But it's his mind finding a second of serenity because the choice he's making (though he's kinda making the choice for Solara too so... 😬) will keep her safe if all goes well.

It was pained, but in the decision, there was relief too.

STOP THAT! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! 😭 I'm dying here, Laura! Kafhasiruth!

Even the kids are kicking and fighting the decision akdshasituhsrt! They're mad that daddy is telling them and mommy to go away! Hksjdhasiurthasrth!

LOVE DOESN'T NEED TO BE EARNED BUT THEY FOUGHT FOR IT! THEY HAVE IT AND YET IT'S BEING TAKEN AWAY! LUCIUS YOU OAEKLEAHTLILUEATHIEAHTIAEHT!

This conversation between Fue and Solara is gonna give me depression.../lh+j

a profound testimony of love and devotion ... was now a sick and twisted image of what it had been. The promise had taken a much uglier form.

Gotta love it with signs and promises of love get, in a way, corrupted like that. 😭 Shows that love can be as ugly and painful as it is beautiful and kind.

Solara's so conflicted right now... Sweetie... She wants to support Fuegoleon but she's got the twins to think of too!

It's cruel that the beautiful future that was so close to happening, one where Solara and Fuegoleon could raise their kids, be a family, together, is being robbed from them.

The chair imagery... Furniture functions as singular pieces but there's a reason there are such things as "furniture sets." There are things that are nicer and add to each other when put together. Partnership is not a completion of each other but a supplement to each other. Fuegoleon supplements Solara, and vice versa. But with fate - or more like Lucius - driving them apart, they will be apart. They're still their own people but without a supplement to add to their lives.

...

We get a quieter moment between the couple. There's no conversation, not a long one. But their exchange... Fuegoleon urging Solara to leave, that it's the only choice...

It's so somber... So hopeless... 😭

Chapter 49:  Lucius has returned, and brought upon the declaration of World’s End. What will Fuegoleon do? Will he try to convince Solara to go back to Thea so that she’d get to live, at least a little bit longer, or will they stay together, as a family, to withstand whatever may come?

Tag list: @succulentsunrise​ @loosesodamarble

Warnings: This series contains themes and topics some may find uncomfortable, and thus, reader discretion is advised. This chapter has a theme of approaching death, dwells in angst, as well as Solara’s pregnancy. It is a sad, sad chapter okay. 

Length: ~4.5k

Chapter 49: The liar

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[serenity-songbird]

You were always there in the background.

Since you were little you wished you weren't alive.

No one had treated you right.

You were just a girl with parents who didn't care about you.

When you were 12, you escaped to Republic City. You wanted to get away.

Far, far away.

Start a new life where maybe, just maybe...you could be in the spotlight.

You were sick of being a wall flower.

You got a job at a bakery called, Cake My Day.

Cute name, isn't it?

The owner, Ms. Sherry, was so nice.

She taught you how to bake delicious treats. She had a spare room in her house. She said you could stay there. She was lonely and didn't mind having another person around.

How lucky could you get?

Maybe, finally, your life was turning around.

4 years passed by.

You and Ms. Sherry were the faces of the shop. With your help in advertising, the shop became more popular than before and you needed to hire 4 other people to help.

You grew older, more beautiful. You were now a manger in Sherry's bakery.

Despite you taking care of most of the work, she was still a busy boss, but you were there to help take the load off. (And force her to take time off so she'd stop over exerting herself).

She even let you start creating recipes of your own! (The first 12 were a bust though. But you learned plenty from the 12 failures! 13th times the charm!!!)

With more money coming in, she was able to reconstruct the shop to make it bigger and better. There was a To-Go Line, a large array of desserts behind the glass fridge, a coffee corner, and an outside patio complete with flowers and atmosphere. And that was just the 1st floor! The 2nd floor was mostly just a relaxing spot to study or just enjoy the comfort it offered with its couches, mini stage where someone would always play relaxing music, a little yoga spot, and the restrooms that were always clean and well-maintained.

This place felt like home. It was home.

And Ms. Sherry...Well, she become like a mother to you. A real mother. A kind mother.

You were happy.

You were walking through the neighborhood one night. You had to fetch some decorations for the shop. Ms. Sherry's birthday was in a week and you wanted to make it special. So you went out when she was asleep to get the supplies you ordered.

Suddenly, someone ran into you.

You fell to the ground.

"Aw man! I'm so sorry!"

When you looked up, you saw the most beautiful green eyes you've ever seen. You're heart began to race.

He stopped to help you up. He was huffing and puffing like he just ran a marathon. And you quickly found out he practically was when you spotted the men in green jumpsuits, red scarves, and weird looking masks come and attack him.

You swore something about their attire was hauntingly familiar. But everything was happening so fast you couldn't process it immediately.

He was earthbending to save him self and protect you from the crossfire, but the men were skilled and had these weird weapons.

You went into panic mode.

Should you help?

But then you saw one of the men pull out a scarier looking weapon than the other crimimals had and you reacted on instinct.

It could be dangerous.

You never told a lot of people this.

But when you were young, you had been born with air bending.

Both your parents were non benders so it didn't make sense.

You grew up learning to hate your air bending because it was the reason your parents hated you.

You only learned to control it so you wouldn't lose control and hurt somone by accident again.

But right now, someone needs your help. That was more important than your fear.

You twirled around and blew all of the men into the building.

The boy's mouth dropped.

"Y-you're an airbender?!"

"Ssshhh!!! Just run!!!" You grabbed his hand and just ran.

"Who are you?" He wheezed out. You can tell he had gotten hurt and this was probably hard on him. But this was the best you can do.

"Who am I? Who are you?! Why are those guys chasing after you?! Please. Please tell me you're not a criminal and I just got caught in the middle of a gang war!!!"

"Uh, weeell. I wooouldn't say gang war..."

"Then what would you call it?!?!?!" You wheezed out in frustration.

"Uuuhhhmmm...Weeell..." He trailed off.

"Nevermind! We'll take about it later!" You scoffed in frustration.

This was most likely a gang war and he didn't want to tell you...Great.

You cursed to yourself. Still, you keep running with him. You already got yourself involved, might as well keep going.

Plus...there was this feeling you couldn't quite shake. Something deep in your heart wanted you to help him.

Why would you want to help a possible gang member? Who knows?

Using your knowledge of the area you lead him to a place you'd be able to escape.

"It's a dead end!"

Turning around, you blasted a large gust of air to knock your oppressors down. While they were getting their bearings, you pushed the stranger into a dead end alleyway.

"No. It's not!" You pushed a trashcan to reveal an opening in the brick wall. "Come on! Hurry!" Without needing further instruction, he crawled through the space and you followed suit. You continued running, but not before moving the trash can back where it was.

When the gang of men looked into the alleyway there was no one in sight. So they continued further and further from you.

The only sound that could be heard were the harsh breathes you and the stranger were making. You both lay on the floor of Cake My Day's kitchen.

The noise of hurried footsteps, clattering of silverware, and the door shutting caused Ms. Sherry to come in aggressively and ready to whack the intruder with her trusty frying pan. When she saw you laying on the floor with some man, she was ready to pounce.

"(Y/N)! Dear, are you alright?! Did this man hurt you?! Quickly! Call the police! I'll hold him off..." She narrowed her eyes ready to strike.

You quickly waved her off.

"It's okay Ms. Sherry. He is with me."

"Y-yeah. I'd never hurt the pretty lady who just saved my life!" He helped you up shaking your hand similar to the excitement of a tiger seal. "(Y/N) was it!? You are awesome! Thank you so much for saving my rear back there! My name is Bolin!"

You blushed when he said "Pretty lady," but shook your head.

"Y-yeah. Sure. Speaking of that...Who were those people chasing you?! Are you really part of a gang?! Did I get myself into trouble?!" You were shaking his shoulders, terrifed.

"Ack! No no no! I'm not part of a gang...anymore that is..." He trailed off quietly.

"What was that last part?" You inquired.

"N-Nothing! Um, actually the guys that were chasing me where the Equalists. They infiltrated the Pro-Bending Tournament and attacked us! Luckily Korra, (she's the Avatar and my fellow team mate), Mako, (That's my older brother), the police force, and myself fought bravely!" He paused for a moment. "...Aaand we lost, aaand they took away the Wolfbat's bending...and the Stadium was completely destoryed... sooo yeah that didn't turn out great. But I spotted one the equalists escaping so I followed him!" He leaned against the counter trying to be cool. "I mean, not to brag, buuut I'm a pretty great Earth Bender. Anyway, I was going to help the police arrest him so we could get more info on what their planning. Yeah I know, it's a decent plan...Except when his friends came to assist him...I fought as best I could, but they are strong. When I couldn't fight anymore they began to chase me. I thought I was a goner. But then you came and saved me! And you used your awesome Air bending powers to knock them down! Are you related to Tenzin? You must be since their family are the only ones that can use Airbending. He didn't mention having another daughter though? Oh! Also-"

"I'm sorry. Let me stop you right there!" You had to stop him from getting off track. Both you and Ms. Sherry were still processing his explanation. Luckily, you and Ms. Sherry didn't have a problem keeping up with his speech. He was rambling quite fast. Honestly, did he even breath between sentences? Still, your coworker Derrick had a habit of rambling all the time so you both had practice understanding fast speech.

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.

"Let me get this straight. The people that were chasing you were not part of a gang. But some cult who wants to get rid of bending. And it's not just any run of the mill cult...It's the Equalists, correct?"

"Yup!"

"...What have I just gotten myself into..." You then started to freak out. "Oh my gosh!!! The freaking Equlaists!!! This-This is awful! what if they followed us home!?" You started hyperventilating. "What if they attack the bakery! What if-"

"Now now Dear. Let's not jump to what ifs. You know how you get. Let's just breath and calm down." Ms. Sherry knew you were an Airbender and why you hated it, so the thought of you being in trouble scared her. However, she had a feeling that this young man would protect you and teach you to love your bending. She just had a hunch and they were never wrong.

"Yeah! There is no need to worry! We lost them long before we got here! Thanks to your secret passageway, they didn't follow. Plus with your scarf covering your face and hair and your long jacket, they probably didn't see much to distinguish you!"

You had forgotten you were wearing this. It was a bit chilly out, but the main reason you wore these is so Ms. Sherry wouldn't recognize you and to hide the party supplies in your jacket. You were determined to suprise her.

"A-ah Yeah. That's true...Although, I should definitely trash these. That way they won't know who I am." You proceeded to do just that.

"Why are you wearing such clothes anyway darling? It is not that cold outside." Ms. Sherry questioned.

"A-ah!!! I-It's because I'm not feeling so well. Yeah! I went out to get some medicine. I didn't want to disturb your sleep." You hoped she'd buy it.

"Well why didn't you say so! I will get you some medicine to have you feeling better in no time. And Bolin why don't you try some sweets! I don't want you going back out tonight. It's dangerous if the Equalists are out there." Ms. Sherry was in her normal cheery mood. She was glad you both were safe.

"Oh, I don't want to impose! I can go back home and-"

"It's not a request. You ARE staying here. If you need to borrow the phone to call someone, it's right there." She pointed to the phone on the wall, staring Bolin dead in the eyes daring him to challenge her.

"Yes Ma'am." He scrambled to the phone to let his brother and Korra know he was fine.

You shook your head smiling. Honestly, once Ms. Sherry has her mind set on something there is no changing her mind.

While Ms. Sherry went to get medicine for your "illness," you went to heat up some leftover brownies you had made earlier that day.

"Wow that smells delicious! What is it!" Bolin peeked over your shoulder. He liked how friendly you and Ms. Sherry were. He'd feel really bad if something were to happen to either of you because of him. So he vowed to protect you.

"Thanks. It's my own recipe. I used to be such an awful Baker. But thanks to Ms. Sherry's skills, I'm better than ever!"

"Terrible baker and a terrible cook. I helped with that too." She winked at Bolin in a teasing manner after walking into the room.

"Unnecessary comment, Ms. Sherry." You pouted. She giggled. She gave you a small shot of disgusting medicine. You had to choke it down. You didn't want Ms. Sherry to know about your suprise. It'll all be worth it next week.

"By the way, were you able to contact someone to let then know you were okay?"

"Yup! My brother was relived to hear I'm okay. Thank you for taking me in for the night."

"Nonsense, Darling. I would never let such a sweetie like you get hurt or kidnapped or worse!" Everyone in the room knew how dangerous the Equalists were. They didn't want to find out what they would do to him.

The rest of the night passed by with no incidents. Bolin wanted to know more about you and you both stayed up late getting to know each other. The more you spoke, the more you realized how kind, brave, and funny Bolin was. You were glad you saved him.

Maybe he and his friends could bring down Amon...

"So since you're an Airbender, how are you related to Tenzin? I feel like if you were his daughter, we would've already met you. So you must be his niece, right?"

"Well...No. I'm not related to, er, Tenzin at all..." You looked away and fiddled with your hair.

"You're not? But I thought the only Airbenders were descendants of Avatar Aang?" Bolin tilted his head in confusion.

"Apparently not. Both my parents were non-benders...so I don't really know why I got my airbending...Not that it's really done anything for me. I wish I could get rid of it." You pulled your knees to your chest and hugged your legs, forlorn.

"What?! But you're an awesome airbender! Why wouldn't you want to use your bending?!"

You looked up at him and his concerned face. He is now the fourth person to know about your bending. Your parents rejected you because of it.

The only reason Ms. Sherry knew was because you had accidentally used your bending during a panic attack. She had to calm you down, but got hurt in the process. She had a permanent scar on her arm where you slashed her by accident. You had felt awful and cried while apologizing profusely. She cooed to you saying it was alright. When she held you, you ended up telling her everything.

Ms. Sherry hated your parents because of this. She began to raise you as her own after she found out you were living in a dumpster. She was the mom you never had.

Now here you were with a boy you just met. He knew about your bending. And he thought it was awesome. That's the first time anyone has told you that.

You couldn't stop the tears. You didn't want to cry and furiously began to wipe them. You tried to stop, but the more you held it in, the more you cried. This happens everytime you think about your bending or using it.

"H-hey! What's wrong?!" Bolin scrambled to you and rubbed your back. "Why...Why are you crying. Did I do something?"

"I don't understand...Why are you not running away? Why are you being so nice to me? I'm an airbender...Doesn't that freak you out?"

"Freak me out? Of course not! I happen to know 4 other Airbenders who are my friends. Why would that be freaky? I think its cool."

You stared at him with teary eyes and just began to bawl. You told him everything. You didn't know why, but something inside you just wanted to get it out.

You told him about your parents. You told them how they abused you and cursed you for your bending. They called you names and told you no one would ever be friends with you. You grew up to hate your bending. You had to teach yourself to control it, but even now you didn't have total control. You told him how you lived on the streets before Ms. Sherry took you in. How you ran away at such a young age and had to learn to fend for yourself.

You hated yourself.

You didn't realize that Bolin had wrapped his arms around you and held you tight. You were suprised when you felt tears on your back. When you pulled your hands from your face, you noticed that he was crying too.

"W-Why a-are y-you c-crying?" You could barely get the words out.

"B-Because you are! And because your parents treated you totally unfair! I-I think your bending is awesome and you shouldn't hate it! It makes you who you are! And you're, like, the coolest girl I've met!"

Mako had come to pick Bolin up the next morning. After last night, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You were grateful for Bolin and he had become a quick friend.

That made both of you cry more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thanks again for letting me stay here Ms. Sherry. (Y/N)."

"Of course! You're welcome anytime, Dear."

"I hope he didn't cause you any trouble. Thanks for looking out for him. (Y/N), was it?" Mako shook your hand.

"Yes that's me. I'm glad I helped him. Thank you for keeping me company, Bolin. Oh! I packed some sweets for you and your friends." You gave him a pink box full of assorted sweets.

"Wow!!! Thanks!!! These look amazing!!!" He happily wolfed down a chocolate donut.

As Bolin was getting into his brother's car, he paused and ran up to you.

"You should come with us to Air Temple Island! There you can meet other Airbenders and they can teach you more about your heritage! What do you say!"

"M-Meet the other Airbenders. I-I don't want to impose. Besides what if they don't like me?!"

"They'll looove you. I'm sure they'd be stocked to meet another airbender!" He gave you puppy eyes and a wide smile.

"It wouldn't hurt, (Y/N). It might be good for you." Ms. Sherry put a hand on your shoulder. You opened your mouth to say something, but she didn't let you start. "And don't worry about the bakery. Derick and Lillian will be here to help. Go have a day off." She gently pushed you into Bolin's chest, making you blush 50 shades of red.

"I-I s-suppose I could go. I have wondered what the island looks like..."

"Great!!! Come on!!!" Bolin pulled you into the car in glee. You had to admit, you were both Nervous and a little bit excited.

You couldn't explain it, but you had a feeling that things would get better. You looked at yours and Bolin's intertwined hands and your heart drummed in your chest.

Unbeknownst to you, Bolina's heart was also thumbing as well.

You felt as if you didn't need to be afraid. So you put your trust in this, not so stranger anymore, and walked foward. You knew that everything would be okay if he was by your side.

Maybe airbending wasn't so bad after all.

[lxlsposts]

Hey I was wondering if you could write like a headcanon on how hunter would take care of you while you’re sick ☺️💕 please and thank you

Of course, thank you for the request :) I hope you like it and received what you wanted <3

-Hunter would know instantly that something was different about you even without asking, most of the time he would think that you were angry/upset with him. This would send him into panic mode which would always lead to him bombarding you with questions. When he figures out that you are not mad or upset with him a weight is lifted off his shoulders again. But when he figures out that you are sick he falls back into panic mode.

-It doesn't matter whether you are bed-bound sick or just a little sore throat or a headache, Hunter would be there and go above and beyond.

-Anything you wanted he would give to you, he hates seeing you sick.

-If you had to take a day or two off school Hunter would barely get any work done, he sends the days without you just thinking about you.

-And sometimes if you had to stay off school he would leave school at lunch time, skipping the rest of the day just to come see you.

I feel like he would google what to do when your significant other is sick and he would honest take notes.

-He didn't care that you were sick, he still would come over or drag you to his house to cuddle with you. He would even try to kiss you [ "Hunter, I'm sick you can't kiss me," you say pulling away. "Whyyy?" He says craving your lips. "Because it's gross and you may get sick", you say giggling at his little tantrum. He cups the side of your face before saying " I don't care"].

-I feel like he would play music for you, obviously not too loud as you are sick, but he would definitely play.

-He would sing you to sleep, a quiet lullaby that only you would ever be able to here.

-He would run you a nice bath with your favourite bubbles in it, and for when you get out he would have your favourite type of soup ready for you to enjoy in his warm cosy bed with him by your side.

-He hates and I mean hates people touching his hair, but he knows that you are obsessed with it. So one time when you were sick he let you braid it to make you feel better and laugh. He hated it being in braids so after a few pictures and videos he took them out. However, he continues to let you play with his hair whenever you want. He would never admit it, but he loves it when you play with his hair now. He will moan about it when you ask him but is secretly begging for it.

-When Hunter feels bad about something (especially when you guys fight) Hunter would go out and buy you something. It isn't that much of a healthy habit, but he does it out of love to show you that he is sorry for what happened and that he does care about you. So when you are quite ill he will sometimes go out and buy you something to cheer you up. You tell him not to but when he is out if he sees something that you would love nothing is stopping him from buying it for you. He just feels bad that you are sick, and you really do appreciate his gifts.

-One time when you were sick he let you force him into a spa/pamper night. Which eventually leads to you trying to convince him to let you do his makeup. He tells you no but you had already made up your mind. He tried to run away but you pinned him down to the bed so you could do his make-up. Usually, Hunter could easily just throw you off of him he wouldn't even be in a situation where he was pinned down by you since he was a lot stronger than you. However, since you were sick you were already weaker than usual and Hunter noticed this. So he just let you pin him down, he didn't want to hurt you and he thought he would just let it happen anyway since it made you happy and kind of distract you from your illness.

-Watching Disney films and cartoons is a must, you guys did this every so often anyways and he knows that you love them. So he figured he would turn it up a notch and watch a lot of them back to back.

-He would 1000% force you to wear his clothes, he wants you to wear them 24/7 however when you are sick he wants you to wear them even more. I think it's like a safety thing like he thinks that nothing could hurt you since you are wearing his clothes. He always protects you and always will, so he feels like wearing his clothes is just another layer of his protection for you.

-He worries, like a lot, even if it is just a little headache he hates to see it. He loves you, more than anything even his hair. So seeing you ill or in pain hurts him more than you think. He would do anything to make you feel better. Such a sweetheart <3

[wheeler-beretta-harwood]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. 😞

I have a Cash request (bc man is hot 🥵) how about telling him your pregnant with twins and him becoming super excited calling them future tag champs

Thank you for your kind words. And you're damn right, Mr Wheeler is one fine man. Hope you enjoy, thanks for requesting!

Future Tag Team Champs (Cash Wheeler x Reader)

For two weeks now, you carried the secret with you. He had sensed something was up with you, but you'd never got the heart to tell him. Excuse followed excuse, one more vaguely formulated than the one before and he got more and more suspicious. But how the hell were you supposed to tell him? You'd just got married 4 months ago and were still in honeymoon mode, enjoying your time as newlyweds. Plus it is the year of FTR, their career just took off since April. Both Dax and your husband (damn, you loved calling him that) had worked their asses off for almost a decade and finally, it all paid off. You couldn't possibly ruin that now.

But would you really?

Cash had told you he wanted to have kids with you eventually. Keyword being eventually. Both of you agreed that it would be nice to have a little family, but he wasn't ready for it yet, and neither were you. There was simply too much the two of you wanted to achieve before, and he was scared he'd miss too much while being on the road. So were you, afraid that you'd fuck up raising the kid on your own. You needed him by your side for that.

So how the hell did you end up being pregnant!? You were on birth control, and you didn't forget to take the pill a single day. Still, you remembered the moment you sat there, alone in your bathroom on the edge of the bathtub, staring down at the three different tests. And all of them showed the same result.

So when Cash was on his flight to Houston for Dynamite, you were on the way to your gynecologist, who verified what you already knew, and congratulated you.

You smiled then, getting a warm feeling inside.

Ten weeks into pregnancy.

But as soon as he was home again, you were nothing but a nervous mess.

Like right now, when you jumped just because he had wrapped his arms around your waist - a loving gesture, but it made you panic because even though he couldn't feel anything yet, you still thought he might telepathically sense it.

"Okay, doll, you have been like this for days now. Would you please tell me what's wrong? Are you sick? Or did I do anything wrong?"

When you turned to look at him, you immediately felt bad for your man. He was worried out of his mind, his face distorted with fear and doubt.

"You didn't do anything wrong." You answered reassuringly, running your fingers through his hair all the way down to his mullet to highlight your point.

"And I'm not sick either. But you're right, something is up with me. Us."

He looked at you intently, brow furrowed, waiting for you to go on.

You sighed before you continued, just blurting it out. "Cash, I- I'm pregnant."

He just stared at you, a blank canvas that you couldn't read at all. Then the corners of his mouth moved upward and he was grinning at you. "You're pregnant." He repeated, liking the feeling of those words on his tongue. "We're gonna be parents. I'm gonna be a dad!" He got more and more excited with every word, and when he finished, he lifted you up and swirled you around before setting you down on the ground again and pressing his lips against yours. "Doll, we're gonna be a family! Why were you so worried?! This is fantastic news!"

Right now, you were asking yourself that same question. He was so excited, it was an adorable sight. It was infatuating and contagious.

His smile was brighter than the sun. "We're gonna have a baby. A beautiful, wonderful baby."

You smiled at him before scratching your cheek with your index finger. "Yeah, about that...there are gonna be two beautiful, wonderful babies..."

"Twins?"

When you nodded your head, Cash had to sit down for a moment.

"Twins..." He whispered again, before pulling you close to him, his forehead resting against your tummy. He pressed his lips against your shirt and then smiled up to you. "I'm gonna protect the three of you with my life. You are the most important thing to me, you know that, doll."

"I know, babe. You're gonna be the best dad in the world." You ran your fingers over his soft beard. It was true, he would do anything he could to make sure you were safe and happy. It's who he was. The best husband you could ever have imagined.

After a moment of silence, he stood up and rubbed his hands. "I can't wait to tell everybody that we made the future best tag team in the world, they are gonna be champs, doesn't matter if it's gonna be boys or girls. I'll train them. Think of all the twin magic that will happen. They are gonna be champions everywhere they go!"

You laughed at his statement, knowing full well that this was how you'd let people know you were pregnant, you could almost see the pregnancy anouncement photo before your inner eye: Cash in full on coach gear and you in a shirt that said "future tag team champions".

You grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

"I love you so much, daddy." You said while smirking at him.

"I love you too, you sexy mama."