#I’ve just woken up from the dream I’m typing this at 3:30 am

[2econd2ight2yd]

I had a dream that me and my nephew saw a mall Santa and the elf was like “go sit on Santa’s lap!!”. and. I mean. This would not be a problem if this mall Santa wasn’t very obviously Will Wood. Santa is a man who’s had children sitting on his lap for thousands of years no problem. Will Wood is just a guy. I also knew that this was DREAM Will Wood and that was different. Dream Will Wood has also sprayed me with hoses and pushed me off of cliffs. My point is that my boundaries are different between the jolly old man loved by all and a guy I’ve never actually met.

I was too nervous to sit on Santa Wood’s lap so I just kept stalling. I pretended that the camera app kept crashing or something. My nephew pulled me aside and was like “what are you doing Santa’s waiting” and I was like “what kind of Santa wears those gay ass earrings that’s fucking will wood” and he didn’t believe me lol

When we turned back around, Santa Wood was dead. I was like woah what happened and the gods above said “you bore him to death”

Suddenly Santa Wood’s spirit is right next to me and he asks what toy I want. I blabber on about the kids cuisine furby which was probably annoying but he still listened to me.

“Merry Christmas, bitch” he whispered in my ear, before strangling me to death.

[aspenwritesstuff]

Thank you so much for the tag @propertyoftoru 🥹❤️ It makes me feel so nice that despite my lil hiatus from writing atm you still think of me fondly.

1. Birthday?

August 1st, 1996

2. Favorite color?

Black🖤

3. How tall are you?

5’4”

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Too many. Far too many. Probably 30-40?

5. Favorite song?

Either “Woozy” by Glass Animals or “Streetlight” by Changbin ❤️‍🔥

6. Favorite movie?

Stuck in Love or Princess Mononoke. I also love horror movies though!

7. Who is your ideal partner?

Someone who is patient and compassionate. Someone with goals and dreams that they’re passionate about, who can also support me in mine. Someone who understands me.

8. Do you want children?

Yes! I already have one child, a five year old boy. I want at least one or two more eventually.

9. Have you gotten into trouble with the law?

Yes, but it was SO STUPID. A friend of mine and I silly stringed a friends car as a joke. She pressed charges because it stained the paint. We both got a deferred prosecution and it never went on our records, but we had to pay a big fine. “Criminal mischief,” it was silly string. Silly is in the name. 💀

10. What color socks are you wearing?

Black always.

11. Favorite type of music?

Rap or acoustic indie music.

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3. Two under my head, I tuck my arms between them, and one between my knees.

13. What position do you sleep in?

Either on my stomach or my side, always with one leg up making a ‘4’ shape.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Being woken up. 💀 Too much noise is bad, but I also can’t do complete silence.

15. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes! It was fun. I would like to again.

16. Favorite fruit?

Strawberries and honeydew.

17. Are you a good liar?

Yes, but I hate to.

18. Personality type?

INFP-T.

19. Innie or outie?

Innie.

20. Left or right handed?

Right, but I can use my left for most things too.

21. Favorite food?

White rice 🍚

22. Favorite foreign food?

Gyoza.

23. Are you clean or messy?

Clean as a person. I shower every day and have an extensive skincare routine. My surroundings are pretty cluttered though.

24. Most used phrase?

“That tracks,” or, “It do be like that sometimes.”

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends. For work? Maybe 10 minutes. For an outing with friends? Probably 45.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Yeah, I’m good company.

27. Do you sing to yourself?

Oftentimes, yes.

28. Are you a good singer?

My friends say I am, but I think I’m just OK.

29. Biggest fear?

Abandonment.

30. Are you a gossip?

I like hearing the tea, but hate spilling it.

31. Short or long hair?

My hair is just past my collarbones, so medium?

32. Favorite school subject?

English.

33. Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert at first. Extrovert once you get to know me/I’m comfortable.

34. What makes you nervous?

Deadlines. The phrase, “we need to talk.”

35. Who was your first crush?

My kindergarten best friend Kody. 😂

36. How many piercings do you have?

10. I used to have 11 but took my bellybutton ring out when I was pregnant. (Ears stretched to 1 1/16 of an inch, a secondary ear piercing on my left ear, nipples, both nostrils, septum, jestrum - pretty much a vertical Medusa, labret. )

37. How many tattoos do you have?

6! Planning on more though.

38. How fast can you run?

I don’t. And, if I do? You should be running, too. I am being chased.

39. What color is your hair?

Medium brown for now, but I’ve had almost every color!!! (Including brights.)

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue on the outer edges, green in the middle, gold around my pupil.

41. What makes you angry?

Inequality, my friends or family being hurt.

42. Do you like your name?

Yes! I chose it myself. I’m non-binary.

43. Do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

I used to say since I have a son that I’d like a daughter next. But I’d be happy with either, now. My lil man is fun as heck.

44. What are your strengths?

I’m reliable and loving. I would go to the ends of the earth for the ones I care about.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I struggle to stand up for myself.

46. What color is your bedspread?

Red-violet crushed velvet 😎

47. What color is your room?

Pink 💀😂

Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

[yvainegelinemarie]

The bois tell MC how proud they are of your hardwork and they see you giving your all!!

𝚨𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖒𝖞 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌: ✨ ALL my writing prompts are gender inclusive and promote love, kindness and fun for all! 

✨I know that each and every one of our boys would love and support each and everyone of you and I hope that my readings portray that comforting, accepting and loving nature through and through~ 

✨And with that I hope you Spookies enjoy~~

☪ 𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice

☪ 𝕽𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌:13+ No Warnings, Fluff, Encouraging, A Pick Me Up. 

☪ 𝕱𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖙 : Quick Read, bullet points

𝚨𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝚴𝖔𝖙𝖊: I have been feeling kind of low and crummy these past few days trying really hard to put myself out there to chase after a dream of mine and I wasn’t expecting to be really hit hard with so many highs and lows and when it seems like you are stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your biggest fears at 90 to nothing there are a lot of times that you just need to crawl into someone's arms and to just let them tell you that you are good enough and that they see you working hard.

So for anyone else who has been trenching through this tough year and trying out new things that may scare you half to death, I want you to know that your favorite boy see’s you kicking ass and that he’s well, proud of you. 

Even if you have one particular boy as your go to I suggest checking them all out since each of them have different types of encouragement of different types of situations. Or at least read the one you feel like fits what you need to hear the most right now (and well, of course your fav.)

VICTOR | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 01

✨For those who are struggling with reaching their dreams✨

Hell knows when was the last time you have had a good night's sleep.

You couldn’t help but to be on your toes now glued to your computer screen in your darkened bedroom.

Completely unaware of the sun slowly creeping its way through the blinds.

This project was something you had only dreamed about producing years ago,

and in 3 days it was going to be launched to the public. You have done plenty of projects before but never something as passionate and as close to home as this one was.

This project was taking out a deeper side of you that you have never shown before and deep down you knew that it was time for you to express it. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t spend the last 4 months terrified of the outcome.

Your tired eyes reread the entry over and over again as each time you only feel your heart grow more and more anxious and your eyes fill up with tears. Can I really share this with the world? What if people think that this is all fake? Will I really be able to accept the criticism?

With your mind running on it’s own you missed your phone vibrating next to you. You had already received 3 miss calls from Victor in just the last 30 minutes.

It wasn’t until the ding of the voicemail that you snapped back to reality. 

Sliding your lock screen open and taking in a deep breath, ready for whatever lecture Victor was going to throw at you next.

In the Voicemail Victor’s voice opened with a deep sigh. “You better not be asleep, especially after you promised to have breakfast with me this morning. I’ll be arriving at your apartment in 20 minutes, you better be ready du-”

His words were cut off when you were startled by your phone ringing again, seeing victor’s name pop up on the caller ID. You quickly glanced down at the time on the voicemail that was sent 23 minutes ago?! Why did your phone just now decide to remind you?! You knew now from Victor’s call that it meant that he had arrived and you, racoon eyed, sleep deprived and still in your clothes from the day before felt a rush of tears swell up in your throat.

You were so focused on this project that you completely forgot about something that you were looking forward to so excitedly just a few months ago. 

You answered Victor’s call and brought the phone to your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me that you just now woke up?” Victor said in his usual stern and playful tone. You choked on your tears before letting out a little hic. “I-I’m sorry…” You said brokenly as you heard the sound of shuffling, the click of Victor’s seat belt unbuckling and the slam of his car door followed by a soft beep indicating him locking it. “Why are you crying?” His voice instantly became concerned as he was quickly heading into your apartment complex. 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it...it’s silly.”

“Nothing is silly if it’s making you cry so early in the morning. When I get to your apartment, tell me what is bothering you.” He said bluntly, leaving you no room to make excuses like always. Even in times like this Victor was sure that he was going to effectively fix your problem. 

When he arrived at your apartment you slowly opened the door with your head hung down low as you looked just like you did moments before, sniffling softly. 

Victor gently put his hand on yours causing you to open the door quickly before embracing you in a hug as his soft, deep voice tickled your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me you stayed up all night working?” He said as you hugged his suit jacket tightly, feeling his heartbeat against yours, his was a bit more fast paced. He must have been really worried, you thought before he let out a large sigh. “You always do this,” his soft voice continued. “Working all day and all night when your projects are close to the end. I know that you want to make sure that everything is right...but i've told you this before, there is no need to bear all of this on your own. Let me know when you are stressed.”

You squeezed his jacket lightly as you looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “You don’t get it Victor. “Someday I want to be just as great as you. I want to be hardworking, successful, a-and I want to be proud of what I do. I want you to be proud of me too.” Your voice sunk as your hands slipped off his large back to rub your tired eyes.

Victor let out a deep sigh before lifting your face up to his.

“Dummy, you think I got to become this successful overnight? And just because I am good at handling my money doesn’t mean that I am good at everything. After all, I didn’t check up on you enough or tell you how great you really are.”

“What do you mean?” You questioned before getting cut off by a smooth and minty kiss as Victor’s lips warmed yours. He pulled away slowly as his silvered eyes observed yours intensely. “You are already great ____. And the only way for you to get better is to have confidence in yourself. As long as you are doing everything in your power to succeed, then you will. That and I am already very proud of you dummy, so you should be proud of you too.” 

Your eyes lit up widely as you were left at a loss for words. Victor was complimenting you! “I-” You didn’t have much time to speak before you were swept up into his arms and led over to your bed as your cheeks flushed red. “U-um Victor?” You said.

 “We're not doing that this early in the morning.” He said with a sigh before placing you on your bed lightly. “Get some rest.” He added pulling back the covers on your bed.

“But what about our breakfast date?” You stuttered out as you didn’t want to miss this opportunity. 

“We can go another time. And I’ll just cook you something here while you catch up on a bit of sleep.” He said with a soft smile.

“Ah...Okay...but…” You trailed off as his smile faded away.

“What?” He said with his arms crossed.

“Well, it’s just that I really wanted to eat at that restaurant...since you talked so highly of it last time. N-not that I don’t like your cooking I like it a lot it is just that-” 

Victor then let out a deep chuckle as your cheeks flustered up.

“Dummy, I know someone who cooks as bad as you isn’t criticizing my cooking. And we will eat at the restaurant next week, as a celebration for you completing your project.”

You blinked softly in shock before brushing your hair back. “Isn’t it a bit early to be making a promise like that?” You said softly. 

“Not at all. Because I know that you will finish it, AND I know that you will do well.” He said with a handsome smile as you felt your confidence slowly start to build back up.

Victor was right, you are great and you just need to have faith in yourself that things are going to work out for you in so many beautiful ways.

After all if it wasn’t for your assertiveness and strength you wouldn’t be where you are today. 

You pulled the covers close to you falling asleep almost instantly.

When 30 minutes had passed you were woken up to the song of birds greeting the sun and the lavish smell of a french styled breakfast.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes you join Victor in your small quiet kitchen surrounded by an array of foods that you are completely in awe of. You can’t believe that you had all the ingredients in your kitchen to make this?!

Crepes cooked to perfection with your topping of choice sat neatly on your plate with a summer colored mimosa delectly placed beside it. In the center of your small table was an arrangement of different types of bread, each piece carefully sliced next to small glass bowls of butter, honey, and two hand made jams. One sweet and strawberry while the other was citrusy and tangy. 

“You made all this?” You said to Victor as you slowly sat down. 

“Of course, I wanted to make a breakfast that suits you individually. It would have been grander. But given the time and limited space. This was all I could do. I hope you like it.” He added. 

“Yes...Yes I do! It is very lovely Victor…” You say calmly while your heart beats with excitement. 

“You truly are worth something this luxurious.” Victor’s calm and creamy voice says to you amongst your meal as you can’t help but to smile and nod softly in agreement, for he was absolutely right.

SHAW | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 02

✨For those who failed and need to pick themselves back up✨

This is it, you finally decided to try to go back to college. 

You figured that having some sort of title might help you gain some more rep when you go off to meetings with other executives andddd it wouldn’t hurt to learn a new skill or two that might help you with your growing career.

But who would have known that an entrance exam and thousand word essay would be so fucking hard to write?!

You already reread the prompt question a hundred times and were still facing the devil of writer's block. Staring at the blank page for hours and hours as your mind just kept wondering off to the chorus of the last song you heard. 

Normally back in high school you would have just stepped away and tried to start writing it tomorrow...or the day after...or maybe the night of (usually the night of) but now you really didn’t have any other time to write this paper unless it was right now!

Because you still had a job to do. There is absolutely no other time that you can squeeze in to write this paper unless you are writing it right the F now!! 

You ruffle up your hair in frustration and stomp your feet Come on stupid brain!!! Just give me something to fucking write!!! You curse at yourself only to find that it slumps you into a cycle of self depreciation.

Am I really so dumb that I can’t even easily pass a college eterance exam? Even Shaw makes straight A’s and he spends all of his time running from the cops in alley ways or playing hooky at the bar all night long. 

You lay your head down on the keyboard of your laptop as the letter h just types itself quickly across the pages where your essay should be. You let out a long sigh, laying there in silence as not a single thought floats by.

You soon sit back up, convincing yourself that if you start writing out nonsense then maybe something will come to mind. You then take a long stretch before tapping your hand down lightly on the keyboard. Then you hear the dreadful click of your mouse. 

Your eyes watch in doom as the essay page filled with the letter H soon disappears and a happy “Thank you for submitting your application to Loveland University.” pops up. 

Your heart then sinks to your ass. No way...no way!...NO WAY!! 

You quickly rise up from your chair as your breathing grows heavier and heavier. You feel your eyes foaming up with tears. Your one last opportunity is now completely screwed up all because your hand slipped?!?

Covering your mouth you begin to sob uncontrollably. Everything about today was going wrong and this was just the cherry on top. 

As you stood there crying Shaw had walked into the apartment with his skateboard and backpack in hand, sitting them down at the front entrance.

“Hey, Babe. I’m home.” His charming voice startles you. Oh great, you thought nowhere near ready to approach him about this. 

“Hey?” He says again as he makes his way through the apartment. “Where are you at?” 

Once he finds you sobbing in your office his expression turned forgien with concern.

Shaw is the WORST when it comes to comforting you but you knew that he tried his best to make you feel better. 

“Woah, woah...Babe...baby, why are we crying? What’s goin’ on?” He walks over to you, his arms open and ready to embrace you in a tight hug. 

The coolness of his leather jacket chills your heated face as you sob on his shoulder. He lets out a calming sigh as his hand rubs up and down your back, letting you get out all of your much needed cry. 

When you reach your composure enough to talk you explain to him between sniffles what had happened. Your self deprecation building up more and more before Shaw shakes his head no. 

“Hey now, stop talking shit about my girlfriend okay, only I can do that.” He said as you blink at him confused. 

“W-what?” You stumble on your word as Shaw leans over to wipe a tear off your eye. 

“Well I think that you’re really cool, and smart. And if someone like me can pass that entrance exam you can too ___.” He said.

“B-But I submitted my essay by accident already.” You lower your head defeated, ready to cry again as Shaw lets out a light chuckle before ruffling your hair.

“You know that we can call the administration and let them know what happened. They will see that it was an accident and let you submit it again. Mistakes happen babe but the longer you sit on them the longer it will take to get over them. The school doesn’t close until 8. So you have 4 hours to call them and get it fixed.” He said calmly as you nodded quietly.

Shaw was right, this was a mistake yes, and also a bit embarrassing. But it is human to make them, and everyone does. And when you make a mistake like this, dwelling on it is only holding you back from achieving your goals. 

You raised your head and clenched your fists confidently. “You’re right! For once.” You said to him.

“Hey!” Shaw laughs as he pushes you lightly causing you to giggle as well. You two playfully push one another back, poking at each other and slipping out silly names before Shaw’s arms wrap around your waist.

He kisses you lightly on the lips before smiling sweetly. “You got this, I know you do.” He said as you couldn’t help but to agree with him.

And sure enough the university understood your dilemma and sent you a new registration. 

GAVIN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 03 

✨For those who struggle to let go of the past✨

You knew how this was going to play out. After all you have seen it time and time before.

And now you can’t help but to get a little discouraged at the disappointment that this was going to bring you. 

The past already proved it to be true after all. 

Countless failed outcomes have led you only to conclude one thing.

That this dream of yours was going to end up in complete and total failure.

But even if that was the only logical outcome you could think of you still couldn’t fight the feeling in your heart that was telling you that this WAS right. 

Yet, now here you were, stuck in limbo and unable to move forward. 

You sighed looking at your notes, you had always dreamed of one day that you would get to start your own business. Now not to read you wrong, you did love working as the CEO of your fathers company but it was seeing him build his business from the ground up that inspired you to one day do the same. 

You have spent as long as you can think back to. Brainstorming ideas, doodling logo designs and daydreaming about something that you could call your own.

And now here they come, those heart-wrenching thoughts from the past ready to quiz you and make you think, am I really good enough to have this dream? Do I deserve it? 

All those past experiences of people questioning your skills, telling you that you aren’t prepared enough and that you’d never be able to be the person you dreamed of just makes you want to curl up into a ball and give up. 

Even for a moment the thought of maybe they ARE right, floods in and you feel yourself wanting to cry, believing in it just for a moment as your ego tries to back up the negativity with ‘facts’ to prove it. 

You crawl your way back into bed heartbroken and honestly just wishing that all your thoughts, good and bad, would just fade away.

You pull the covers over your face as you begin to sniffle as your throat clumps up, ready for the tears to fall from your eyes.

And right on que they do. You bundle up closer and closer to yourself, sitting in silence with the haunting memories of the past.

You soon feel the bed sink down a bit before a warm hand runs it’s way up and down your side.

You choke on your tears more, knowing that it is Gavin and there was no hiding your tears from him now.

You felt the warmness of his body tower over you as his lips pecked the top of your head through the covers. 

“When you are ready to talk about it, I’m here okay.” He said to you quietly.

Gavin continued to rub your back in the silence of your room waiting patiently for you to collect yourself enough to talk to him. 

And after a good 30 minute cry session you slowly sat up before pulling Gavin into a warm embrace. Sniffling into his neck as he just gently pressed his lips to your shoulder. “You know ___, when you are hurting like this...I don’t want you to keep it from me okay? I’ll help you through this.” He spoke to you in a gentle voice. 

You slowly pulled from your hug as you wiped your eyes and began spilling out your heart to him. Telling him about everything. Every past encounter that has left you hurt and how you like to think that you have grown and gotten over the pain but it is moments like this that it just all comes back up again and you feel like you are right back to where you started. 

Gavin’s caramel eyes watched you quietly as he listened to you greatly, taking in your pain as if it was his own. You could tell that he truly understood and got you and that he really knew how badly it was hurting you.

And after a moment he spoke up. 

“The past can be painful sometimes, but it’s there to help us learn and grow. And you can’t ever know how something is really going to play out in the future either.” He said calmly. “All you really can do is take little steps now to lead you to the future you want. Don’t let it get the best of you okay? I know that you will do great. And I will be here to support you through it all.” 

He was right, all those times that people told you that you weren't enough, or looked at you like you were crazy. All those failed attempts and embarrassing moments, they were all there to teach you that you are great! And that you are very much worthy of your hopes and dreams!

Gavin leaned over to pick your notes up off of your nightstand as he studied them closely, a sweet smile on his lips. 

“I might not know much on how to start your own business, but just seeing this idea, I know that it is going to help so many people. You should go through with it.”

“B-but what if it fails?” You say with your head down.

“Well then we will just figure out the root of the problem, fix it, and move forward.” He said as you quickly looked up to see Gavin’s handsome smile as your eyes started to water again, but this time with happy tears.

Because now here you were, taking on your dreams, with someone who has always believed in you, and who has never once questioned just how amazing you truly are.

LUCIEN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 04 

✨For those who rob themselves of fun✨

You were so excited to sit in at an exclusive lecture that you have been begging Lucien to take you to for months now. It was an introduction class to understanding Quantum Mechanics. A subject that racked your brain,but in a good way. 

And even though Lucien’s undergraduate degree was in biochemistry;he was still fairly knowledgeable and greatly enjoyed physics, and with that happily obliged to accompany you. 

You were filled with anticipation and the utmost excitement. Swaying your feet beneath your seat with anticipation as the instructure took his place at the podium. 

He was an older gentleman with a rustic and well uniformed style. His caramel colored suit complemented his toffee skin. His visible laugh lines and crow's feet along with his brightly colored red bow tie,symbolized a man who lived a full and prosperous life. And even now with no head of hair and whispers of grey singing through his beard expressed that same song of legacy and abundance through him. 

You were thoroughly impressed by the wise looking man whose hands were clasped behind his back patiently waiting for students to fill the seats before glancing at Lucien’s young and smooth features. Only to notice that he had been watching you the entire time, lips curled with his hand pressed closely against them. 

You panic for a moment waving your hands and covering your face. “S-stop looking so intensely at me.” You say as Lucien’s princely chuckle caused your heart to ache. 

“I can’t help it...You just look so excited. Like a silly little kid in a candy store.” he said before letting out a teasing sigh. “I am a bit upset that you never look this excited when you come to see my lectures.” He said crossing his arms and looking away from you with a sorrow filled expression.

“T-That’s not true! I love going to your lectures Lucien.” You said proudly. “It’s just that..well...sometimes it’s hard to understand...since you teach such an advanced class.” You say admitting defeat as you lower your head.

“I see…” Lucien said softly looking at you once more. “Then next time I’ll be sure to explain them to you in a way that you can enjoy and understand.” He said before lightly brushing your hair behind your ear. 

You glanced up for a moment to see Lucien’s gentle smile but before you could say anything the professor at the stand began his lesson. 

The first 30 minutes of the lesson went by in a breeze as the professor recapped on the basic understanding of quantum mechanics and the movement of an electron. These were all things that you have heard from Lucien before and even information you yourself have researched and understood. You happily listened, jotting down notes between cute doodles of bunnies and flowers as Lucien would occasionally add a cute butterfly or heart to your scribbles. 

“Hey.” You said in a soft whisper swatting his hand away playfully. “You of all people should know better. Don’t draw in class.” You teased him as Lucien couldn’t help but to laugh. 

“Your bunny looked lonely. I wanted them to have a friend.” He said in a soft voice, amongst the lecture it was almost too hard to hear, as you glanced over to see that Lucien had his notes displayed as well. 

You weren’t surprised to see how minimal and organized they were. His tablet was exposed with a series of information already written out as he was just adding to pre existing notes he had already written before the lecture started.

They were all neatly organized with his straight lined handwriting and not a single ounce of color or doodle was on them. Just a simple shade of light where certain words were ‘highlighted’ as important.

They look so professional. You thought as Lucien picked up his stylist and calmly added a bit of information to them. You watched him in awe for a moment, the way he was resting his hand on his chin,the engagement in his eyes and the way he quickly jotted down the information in tune with the professor's quick voice. It was clear that he had done this for a while and that he was good at his routined way of note taking. 

When you finally snapped out of your trance you noticed how quickly the professor was on a new topic from the last thing you had written down and glancing at your notes once more than the black board ahead of you. You realized that you were so far behind that the information you had written wasn’t even on the board anymore! 

For a moment you were ready to panic until you realized your position. You weren't in school anymore so taking notes wasn’t essential.

And with that you began to zone off again, letting your egotistical thoughts build up and up. The elder man before you had spent his whole life, in your opinion, becoming something great. He went off to college, got a degree, became an educator and he knew so much!! Even Lucien who just at the age of 26 became a well renowned neuroscientist! Yet here you were...the one who took over their fathers business. You started thinking about all the times an episode idea didn’t even make it past the first meeting with Victor and how you almost lost the entire funding of your show! You sunk down in your seat, spinning the ink of your pen over one of the cute bunnies...Was I ever good at anything? You wallowed to yourself unaware that Lucien’s soft glances were reading you like a book. 

He knew instantly that you were down. The way you were slouching, the unconscious pout on your lips, your eyes shining;trying to hold back tears, and the way your feet stopped patting with excitement from under the table. 

After the lecture was over and you and Lucien were walking hand in hand down the halls he spoke up. “Was the lecture too hard for you to follow? You suddenly looked sad?” He said as his eyes were stuck on you.

You groaned before slouching your head on Lucien’s shoulder, furrowing your brow. “Nothing ever gets past you huh?” You mumble as Lucien brushes back your hair, waiting for you to speak out your worries. 

You began your rant, talking about how amazing he is and the professor and how you enjoy learning about science and sitting in on all these cool lectures but you aren’t the expert and that you feel it is pointless to learn something that you are not good at. It then lead you to feeling that you are not the best at anything. Lucien listened to every ins and outs of your problems, holding your hand tightly in his. Once you finished with a long sigh he spoke up.

“You think that I’m the best neuroscientist in the world?” He said softly as you nod. “Of course, your 26 and you own your own research center, you travel the world, who wouldn’t think that you are-”

“But I’m not.” he said softly as the two fo you stopped walking. You glanced up at him as the same calm and sweet smile stayed on his face. “If not now someone better will come along and do greater than me but even then they won’t be the best...because someone will come along and become greater than they are. After all Science is built on advancement. When something is deemed as a fact that is helpful yes, but people are much more complex. Personally I think that if you choose to see life as becoming the best at something then you are viewing everyone and everything around you as competition. But your idea of greatness is not the same as someone else's, what you may see as failure and a fault someone else sees as empowering and inspiring, and that includes how people see you. I think that you are the best at what you do but that shouldn’t matter...since you know yourself better than anyone else. I think that you should be more proud of how much you've grown. Being the best only brings temporary happiness. While growth is ever changing and there's no limit to how it should happen and what needs to be done in order to grow.” Your face softened as Lucien spoke. You felt your thoughts lighten as a soft voice in your head kept telling you that he was right. I see Lucien as the greatest and most amazing person in the world but he doesn’t… he sees. “You.” his princely voice said softly. “If I had to choose who the greatest person in the world is to me...it’s you.” He added before kissing your forehead. 

You could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest as his warm lips laid gently on your skin. His rainy scent engulfing you while your hands slowly pulled him into an embrace. He hugged you back before brushing your hair lightly through his fingertips. 

Even in this moment with Lucien you have learned so much, you have grown...a sweet smile fluttered across your lips as your heart grew with pride. “I am so proud of me, and how much I have grown.” You whispered. 

KIRO | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 05 

✨For those who are feeling lonely amongst hard times.✨

You slouched at the front door of your apartment. Bags in your hands, coat slung between your arms, hair a mess and dark circles slowly morphing you into a racoon.

You kicked off your shoes to see your red and slightly swollen feet. An emergency had happened that caused you to stop and change every course of your life for the next month and a half. Having to make phone calls between friends, family, and companies ensuring the safety and calmness of everyone around you.

You had already spent hours reassuring worried hearts that you had forgotten to give yourself a moment to breathe and process everything. And now with this short time to finally be with yourself the stress, anxiety, worry and guilt flooded through you like a river as your eyes dropped like a waterfall. 

You had been trying so hard to remain optimistic for everyone else that your own feelings were casted aside and now here you were, alone and finally able to feel them. Only for the idea of being alone to make it worse. Sliding your way down and onto the floor beginning your crying session. Soon the buzzing of your phone scared you half to death. The handsome face of Kiro and his bright golden smile popped up on your screen. Oh great. You thought seeing the FaceTime message as you quickly dried your face and answered the call.

“OHHH My (Miss) Chip(s)!!~” Kiro’s voice sang. “Hey,” he pouted. “Why can’t I see your face? It’s so dark. And you’re sniffling...Don’t tell me you caught a cold again?” he said. 

“Ah-s-sorry. I’ll turn on the lights.” Your voice cracked as Kiro’s playful expression quickly turned to worry. You flicked on the lights and turned the screen to your face, rubbing your nose with your sleeve. Seeing yourself on the small screen of your phone, there was no way for you to deny that you were crying. Your eyes a puffy red mess (and makeup smeared down your cheeks). 

“Ah...I was um..” You try to explain as You watched Kiro already up and heading for his jacket. 

“Don’t worry ____. I’m on my way, you can tell me when I get there. Have you been crying for long?” he said as his cute voice now had a alert and serious tone.

“N-No...not too long. I just got home.” You say softly.

“Don’t hang up. I don’t want you to cry by yourself. Next time you are feeling sad, let me know.”

“Y-You don’t have to come over.” you say feeling like you were about to cry again.

“Don’t say that. Of course I do. It is a hero’s job to help those in need. Especially when it’s someone they love.” Kiro said as you bit your lip softly, you couldn’t deny him of this. 

When he finally arrived at your place you cleaned up a bit as you opened the door to an tight embrace. His hug was warm and inviting as your hand tightening on his back the moment Kiro pressed your head to his shoulder. You began to cry again. “It’s okay...I am here...you can cry now.” He said in a low voice. With that you spilled out your heart as kiro held you closely, his blonde hair tickling the edge of your ear.  

Once you had calmed down enough to talk the two of you sat beside one another on the loveseat in your living room.

You expressed all of your pain that you had been repressing about the situation and although you didn’t mind that people were using you for support, you never realized how tough it would be to take on everyone's pain and have no one to help you through yours. Kiro held your hand quietly, hearing out all your worries as the rings on his fingers were slowly starting to warm up by the embrace of yours. 

Once you had finished what you needed to say Kiro gently pressed your head to his chest, his arms holding you in a loving embrace. 

“Thank you...for sharing with me your worries. I know that it’s not easy having to take on other people's burdens but you aren’t alone...and I will always listen to you and I will always be here when things get tough. I want to be that someone you rely on to lift your spirits. You are the person that I want to make the happiest. Even when you feel like no one sees or hears you struggling, just remember that I do see you.” Kiro said in a soft voice as your eyes watered once again. You hugged him tightly, nodding your head as you felt like a large weight was just lifted off your shoulders. 

Kiro reminded you that you belong and that there is so much value in how hardworking and kind you are. 

And that this strength wasn’t something you need to burden through alone. 

✨Thank you for reading and I hope that this helped any of you guys going through a tough time who just needs a bit of encouragement. 

My DM’s are always open too and I’ll gladly hear anyone out. 🖤 

Sometimes all we need is just someone to vent to. 🖤

✨Check out more of my writings on my ✨master list✨

✨ If you like my blog and want to see more of me check out my other social’s, it would mean a lot to me~~ https://linktr.ee/Yvainegeline

[hyuniebaby]

Focus (3)

Pairings: Baekhyun x Y/N x Junmyeon

Genre: a little smut

AU: College student! Baekhyun, Professor! Junmyeon AU, college!au

Warning: masturbation

A/N: This part isn’t as important as the previous part. I just wanted to introduce some of the friends of baek and oc. There’s not much happening, just their friends teasing them. This part also mentions that Baekhyun can’t get oc out of his mind 🤪

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Baekhyun is a big flirt but he does NOT sleep around. He likes stability. He likes people who are constantly there. So when he woke up after sleeping with you, he didn’t know what to do.

His previous experiences allowed him to stay in bed until his partner wakes up, but you two weren’t in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be too awkward if you woke up cuddled to him? Is he supposed to be a one night stand? He didn’t want to be a one night stand though. Sex with you was mindblowing. He would even dare say it was the best sex of his life.

Baekhyun also dislikes awkward situations. When he’s with his friends usually when something awkward happens, he’d be the first to break the ice. But in this case it was different. Yes, he flirts with you most of the time you’d cross paths but he doesn’t really know you well enough. It was all flirting and no getting-to-know-each-other-deeply. Will you be mad if he left? Will you freak out if he stays? He doesn’t know! It was driving him insane.

But still, he doesn’t like awkward situations so he opts to leave before you wake up. He doesn’t want to be a jerk and just go out and leave though. He wanted to remain friends with you because he’s going to have to spend a whole semester with you. With this in mind, he grabs a pen and paper and writes a note for you quickly, afraid that you’d catch him doing this. If you do, this situation will be more awkward.

When he’s done with the note, he places it on your bedside table. Then he grabs his clothes and quickly wears them. He spares a glance at you before he reaches the door. You looked so peaceful, so beautiful. As if a spell was casted on him, he walks back to your bed and places a kiss on your forehead. And then he leaves.

When he reaches his dorm, he was surprised his roommate, Jongdae was still awake. After all, it was three in the morning. Jongdae squints his eyes on him. “Where have you been?”

“Uhh... I... uh...” Baekhyun doesn’t know how to answer. He scratches the back of his head while he tries to come up with an excuse.

“Nevermind. Tell me about it tomorrow when you’ve gathered your mind.” Jongdae dismisses him. Baekhyun sighs with relief. He goes to his room and lies on his bed. Still tired from the activities that happened, he falls asleep with you in his mind.

Baekhyun dreams of you. He dreams of you sucking him off in his car. Your mouth choking on his dick while you massage his balls. You sucked him off until he came and swallowed all his cum.

He wakes up with a jolt and realized he had a wet dream about you. He stares at the clock and realizes it was already noon, good thing he doesn’t have classes today. He stands up and showers. Thoughts of you still running in his mind. His body instantly reacting to the thoughts of you. As if his body has a mind of its own, he reaches for his member and strokes it.

You were naked and on all fours. You were so wet for him. Baekhyun inserts two of his fingers at once in your pussy. You moan out his name. Once you were fully prepared for him, he slams his dick inside you. He fucks you hard and fast, the bed creaking as he does so. His hands go to your tits, pinching your hard nipples. One of his hands then travels to your clit while the other continues to play with your boob. You were both nearing your climax. You tell him to cum in you. His thrusts go impossibly faster after you say that. After a few thrusts, your walls clench on his shaft. You felt so good.

He moans out your name as he releases. You were driving him crazy. How was he supposed to face you after he masturbated at the thought of you?

When he finished cleaning and dressing himself up, he goes out of his room to grab something to eat.

“The prince has finally woken up,” Jongdae loudly says.

Baekhyun ignores him. He grabs some ramen from the cupboard and starts heating up some water.

Jongdae takes this opportunity to talk to Baekhyun.

“So, what happened last night?”

Baekhyun sighs, he knows Jongdae won’t leave him alone if he doesn’t start talking.

“Last night, you looked...” Jongdae’s eyes widened at the realization, “I know! I know! You got laid!” He exclaims.

Baekhyun nods in confirmation.

“Wait... You have a new girlfriend?”

“No!”

“But you don’t sleep around!”

“I know! That’s why I don’t know what to do in these situations!”

“You’re too pure,” Jongdae coos.

“Fuck off.”

“So who’s the girl?”

“I’m not sure if you know her. You don’t really interact with sophomores.”

Jongdae gives him a look that screams “So what?”

“She’s Y/N.”

“Y/N? As in Y/L/N Y/N? The one with friends who are always dressed to kill? I’ve worked with her before, we trained together for some Chemistry quiz bee or whatever.”

“She was in your quiz bee team?!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jongdae casually says. “But isn’t she too... plain for you?” Jongdae knows Baekhyun’s type. He’s been his friend since high school so he’s basically met every single one of Baekhyun’s past lovers. He knows that Baekhyun adores pretty women. Pretty, sexy, slim. Modelesque.

In Jongdae’s eyes, you were very timid. Smart, timid, simple. He has only ever seen you talk so much whenever you’re with your friends. You don’t even talk unless spoken to. You would never make the first move. Could it be? Could it be that Baekhyun made the first move?

“She’s cute okay!” Baekhyun pouts.

“Fine, fine. Geez. So how was it?” Jongdae moves his eyebrows up and down.

“Fuck off Jongdick.” He turns around to continue making his ramen.

Jongdae laughs out loud at Baekhyun’s lame attempt to insult him.

“Guess I’ll find out myself.” He teases.

Baekhyun has never whipped his head so quickly at a statement. “Don’t you dare!”

Jongdae raises his hands as if surrendering, trying to look serious but failing to wipe the smile off his face. It was either (a) the sex you and Baekhyun shared was amazing or (b) Baekhyun’s getting so whipped about you but he’s oblivious about it, Jongdae thought, but he doesn’t say anything.

He lets Baekhyun be, trying to come up with a plan to approach you. He’s free the whole day after all.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You wake up with a jolt, body feeling sore from yesterday’s activities. The first thing you looked at was your clock. It was 9:00 AM. FUCK, your classes starts at 9:30. You’re going to be late! The ride to your college takes up 20 minutes so you only have 10 minutes to prepare. As much as you wanted to skip shower, you can’t, you were sweaty and sticky. You already know your day is going to go wrong, great, just great.

You try to walk to the bathroom as fast as you can, as fast as anyone can move when their body especially the nether regions is sore. You opt to wear a skirt today, not wanting to go through the pain in wearing jeans. You grab a sweatshirt and put on your shoes and dash outside your house. Disoriented because you were running late, you didn’t even notice the note Baekhyun left on your table.

You ran so fast after paying for the cab, people gave you weird looks. You didn’t care though, afraid you’d get scolded by your professor in Analytical Chemistry. He was old and very strict about time. When someone comes in late, he “targets” them the whole day, asking questions that were far advanced than what should be discussed. It was scary and you don’t need scary today.

You opened the door forcefully and all eyes looked at you. Thank god, your professor wasn’t there yet! You release a breath of relief and sat towards your usual place. Your friends immediately facing you.

“I forgot to set my alarm!” You instantly said before they could ask. It was amusing to them, you were never late.

“It’s okay to be late you know,” Seulgi says.

“And be Mr. Jung’s target? No thanks! I’d rather die.”

Your friends laughed at your exaggeration.

“Look who decided to skip the jeans and finally wear a skirt to class,” Mina notes as she sits beside you. She came in a few minutes after you. She woke up late too but she lives just around the block so she looks a lot less haggard than you did. “You only wear skirts outside the classrom. You look better in it, you should do it more often.”

Before you could respond, all of a sudden Joohyun gasps and your group of friends look at her. “Is that a hickey?” she whisper-yelled while pointing at your neck. All your friends whip their heads to look at you.

Your hands immediately went to cover your neck. “It’s a mosquito bite!”

Of course no one believed your excuse. If you were them, you wouldn’t too. They bombarded you with questions. “Who did it?”, “How was it?”, “Home run?” You were flustered. As if on cue, your professor enters the room. Your friends immediately stopped talking and faced Mr. Jung but not before giving you a look that says “Tell us all about it later.”

You know there was no winning with them. They would tease you all day until you caved in. So you half listened to Mr. Jung’s lecture and half thought of how to tell your friends about it without telling them it was Baekhyun who you slept with.

You didn’t want to dwell so much on Baekhyun because, well, he left before you woke up. And although he had no obligation to stay, you considered him as a friend. And friends talk, right? Just to be clear on how they move forward after that...

You know your friends are crazy about Baekhyun, but quite frankly, they are crazy about all guys who have amazing bodies and stunning smiles like Kim Jongin, Park Chanyeol, even your professors Mr. Kim Junmyeon and Mr. Kim Minseok. You aren’t as vocal as they are but you have to admit, these men have a way of making you feel giddy just by looking at them. If your friends were to know you did it with Baekhyun, they’d be so jealous but they wouldn’t mind. They‘d be supportive. Boys are just boys anyway.

[cheemerthelizard]

Crusader of Life 2: Chapter 2

Oh, one more thing I should clear up: this story isn’t finished yet, meaning updates might take a while if I’m having writer’s block. Anyway, enjoy!

“Jotaro! Hey, Jotaro!” Lily called. The man turned to her voice, and waved at her as she ran across the street to catch up with him.

“Where’s Kakyoin?” he asked.

“Keeping watch over Emily,” Lily answered. “Did you sort everything out with Josuke?”

“I did,” Jotaro nodded. “Strangely, he started apologizing for causing chaos in the family. I was prepared to take a hit intended for the old man. I also told him about Angelo.”

“And how did he take that information?”

“Pretty well, actually. He didn’t freak out, but he also didn’t just brush it off like nothing.”

“Did you figure anything out about him? Like, his personality?”

“He’s a pretty passive guy, except for when you insult his hair. Then he goes berserk.”

“Huh.”

“Well, I’m going to check into the hotel. I’ll see you around.”

“You too.”

And with that, the two went their separate ways.

***

“Come on, Emily,” Kakyoin cooed. “It’s time for a nap.”

“I don’t wanna!” she screamed. “I don’t! I don’t!” Walking on Sunshine started to materialize behind her.

“Emily,” Kakyoin said sternly, grabbing onto Sunshine’s wrist with Hierophant, “it’s time for a nap.”

“Yessir,” Emily said quickly, crawling into bed.

“Goodnight, sweetie,” Kakyoin kissed the little girl’s forehead.

“Night night, Daddy,” Emily yawned, drifting off to sleep. When she was completely out, Kakyoin sighed.

“This girl is wearing me out,” he mumbled to himself. “Maybe I should’ve let Lily take care of her.”

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. “It’s Jotaro.”

“I got it!” Kakyoin said. He unlocked the door and let Jotaro in. “Lily was looking for you, actually.”

“I passed by her on the way here,” Jotaro replied.

“Ah, I see. Any luck as to where Angelo is?”

“Nothing, so far, but we just got here.”

“True, true.”

“Well, good luck with the kid. I’ve got to get back to Stand user hunting. I just wanted to check in with you before I went out again.”

“Thank you, and good luck with that, too.”

As soon as Jotaro left the room, Emily asked her dad, “Who was that?”

“That’s Jotaro,” Kakyoin answered her. “He’s a friend of mine. Now, you’ve gotta get some sleep, or your naptime will be longer today.”

“Okay,” Emily said, “but can you tell me a story first? The one about Egypt?”

“Okay,” Kakyoin chuckled. “But only if you promise to go right to sleep afterward.”

***

Koichi was walking home when he saw Lily strolling along the sidewalk. Apparently, she saw him, too, and called his name.

“Koichi! Hey!”

“Hi, Mrs. Kakyoin,” Koichi replied.

“Please, just Lily,” she laughed. “How was your first day of high school?”

“It was pretty good,” he said. “Apparently Josuke and I are in the same class. He actually introduced himself to me.”

“Yo! Koichi!” Josuke came running down the streets.

“Speak of the Devil,” Lily muttered.

“Hey, Josuke!” Koichi called. “Have you met Lily yet? She’s a friend of Jotaro’s.”

“Jotaro’s friend, huh?” Josuke asked, and held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“You too,” Lily greeted. “I’ve been told that you already know what’s happening with Angelo.”

“I do,” Josuke answered. “To be honest, it’s a little scary. A murderer, in my hometown?” He shivered. “I don’t like thinking about that.”

“Well, don’t worry about a thing,” Lily told him. “Jotaro, Noriaki, and I have got it covered.”

Suddenly, police sirens blared from behind them, and headed in their direction, whizzing past.

“Looks like there’s trouble,” Koichi said. “Do you want to follow the cars and see it?”

“Sure,” Josuke replied. “What about you, Lily?”

“Well, my Stand could probably take care of any victims,” she answered. “Sure! Let’s go!”

And with that, the three chased after the police cars.

“Wait, your Stand?” Josuke finally processed what Lily had said.

“Yes,” Lily laughed. “It’s called Ace of Pentacles, and it can duplicate anything that has life. That means I can stitch together open wounds in a person’s body if they get injured.”

“What a coincidence!” Josuke said. “Mine can heal people, too!”

What? Lily thought. This kid just nullified half of my usefulness! But maybe it’s not as quick as mine. “How long does the pain last?”

“Doesn’t last that long at all, actually,” Josuke answered.

“How easy is it to fix someone?”

“Usually just a simple touch from Crazy Diamond. Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” This guy just replaced me! I’m no longer the healer of the group! “Oh, would you look at the time! Little Emily must be waking up! I should be on my way!”

“See ya, Lily!” Koichi called out.

“You, too! Bye!”

When Lily was out of sight, she started groaning. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said to herself.

“What’s the matter?” Jotaro asked. Lily hadn’t noticed him there.

“Josuke’s Stand has healing properties, and they work faster and more efficiently than mine.”

“Jealous?”

“Of course I am!”

“Don’t be. You can make two of him. That’s something he can’t do.”

“I guess you’re right,” Lily sighed. “Still, all I mostly did was heal others back in our glory days.”

“You also saved multiple innocent people on many different occasions from enemies.”

“Yeah. Well, I’m going back to the hotel. Time for Noriaki and I to switch out. Bye!”

“Bye,” Jotaro repeated.

***

“You won’t believe it, Noriaki, you just won’t believe it,” Lily came into the hotel room already ranting.

“What will I not believe?” Kakyoin asked.

“Josuke has a Stand with healing powers,” Lily groaned.

“Are they better than yours?”

“Much better.”

“Mommy!” Emily ran to her mom.

“Hey, Emily!” Lily bent down and let the small girl run straight into her arms. “How was your day?”

“It was great!” Emily said. “Me and Daddy had a contest to see who could go higher!”

Lily looked at Kakyoin. “What does she mean?”

“I held her up with Hierophant, and she lifted me up with Walking on Sunshine.”

“I see,” Lily nodded.

“So, this Josuke kid?”

“It’s unbelievable! Just unbelievable!” At this point, Lily was joking around. “I can’t believe HIS Stand had the audacity to copy MY power!”

“Don’t be jealous, Lily,” Kakyoin laughed. “After all, the healing was your creativity. If we ever have a problem with a possession-type Stand, you’ll be the one to save us.”

“That’s what Jotaro told me,” Lily chuckled. “At this point, that’s all I’ll be good for.”

“Mommy,” Emily looked up into Lily’s eyes, “what are we having for dinner?”

“I think we should go out,” Kakyoin patted the little girl’s head. “What do you think?”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Lily picked Emily up, and started carrying her out the door. “We’re going out to eat tonight!”

“Yay!” Emily could barely contain her excitement, which is never good for a young Stand user who barely has control over their powers. The two parents started flying up in the air, and Kakyoin had to grab onto the vases and paintings decorating the hallway with Hierophant.

“Emily,” Lily urged, “you have to calm down, baby.”

Emily quickly realized everything around her was floating around, and let Sunshine’s grasp go, sending everything straight down. It was a good thing Kakyoin had caught them, or they’d have some big bills to pay.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Lily consoled. “That’s what we’re here for. To help you control your Stand. Now, how about we go get that dinner?”

***

Lily’s eyes were slowly cracking open, expecting a bright morning sun. Instead, she was greeted with a full moon. She checked the time on her alarm. 3:30. What could have possibly woken me up this early? she wondered.

“Mommy!” Emily’s wails were heard from the other room. “Daddy! Help me!”

Oh.

“Noriaki,” Lily said groggily, nudging him awake. “Noriaki.”

“What is it?” Kakyoin yawned.

“Emily’s crying in the other room. Very hard.”

Kakyoin sighed. “I’ll get Hierophant ready.”

The two opened the door, and saw everything flying all over the place, almost tornado-like. Little by little, Hierophant Green grabbed the floating debris, and made a walkway for Lily to get to the fretting girl. She was lifted up, too, but she made her way to Emily thanks to a tentacle from Kakyoin.

“Oh, baby,” Lily cooed, hugging the little girl tightly. “What’s the matter, Emily?”

“I, I, I, I had a bad dre-e-eam,” Emily bawled.

“Oh, poor girl,” Lily comforted her, stroking her hair and letting the storm roll on around her. “I promise nothing will happen to you. The dream wasn’t real. You’re safe here, I promise you. You’re okay, you’re okay.”

Slowly but surely, the tornado of objects wasn’t whirling around the room as fast, and the objects were getting closer and closer to the ground until everything was either completely still or being put back in its place by Kakyoin.

“There we go,” Lily set the girl back down on her bed, and handed her her favorite stuffed animal. “Want Mister Bear to make you feel better?”

“Yes, please,” Emily sniffled, grabbing the teddy bear from her mother’s grasp.

“Crisis solved,” Kakyoin whispered as the two closed the door to Emily’s room. Now for their good night’s sleep.

***

“Lily,” Jotaro’s voice seemed to be coming from a dream. “Lily!”

“I’m fine, Jotaro, just focus on Dio.”

“Lily, wake up!”

The woman jerked up, breathing heavily, then looked to her side.

“Ah! How did you get in here?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have Josuke fix the door later.”

“That kid can fix inanimate objects, too?” Lily groaned. “Why’d you wake me up, anyway?”

“Because there’s one thing that you can do that Josuke can’t, and that’s deal with possession type Stands.”

Lily stared in awe at Jotaro. “You’re serious?”

“Am I ever not serious? Now, if you don't want anyone dying, I suggest you get dressed and get in the car right away! We’ve got a murderer to catch!”

[tifu-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by trying to cure my anxiety, ending up with the most traumatic night of my life and almost suffocating to death

Happened literally a few hours ago, may actually need medical help lmao.

So I normally take a beta blocker for migraines, palpitations, and anxiety. I've been taking these for a few months, but my script ran out 2 days ago. This is also the same week I decided to quit smoking, now I'm at my friends house, being the usual alcoholic I am, drinking all weekend, we get invited to a gathering at friend's friend's place, this triggers an anxiety attack for some reason, heavy breathing, palpitations, any rattling makes me panic, the usual bs.

This was probably due to the sudden lack of medication and nicotine, but not to worry, my friends mom has a bromazepam prescription, so she gives me a half, I have a high tolerance to those due to a previous Xanax script I had as a kid, so I end up taking about 3, 30 minutes later nothing happens, I recall that the muscle relaxants I took awhile back (Diclofenac) seem to make me tired, well if I'm tired, I can't be anxious, logic 100 right? so I take about 5 of those, and about 6 codeine (in my country we pop codeine like Americans do paracetamol), this seems to help, I think all is peachy in the world of anon.

So I go to the gathering I previously mentioned, good night and all, dunno what I was so worried about have some gin, some beer, the night ends, I'm amazing I'm still standing, I would have expected some contraindications. It's late so he says I should just stay at his place next day, since I work from home I can just code while hes out, I fall asleep almost instantly on the couch, all seems well. I have the most _fucking terrible_ night terror, not jumpscare, or traumatic, but it played on all my worst emotional fears, my exes were sleeping with my rivals, while playing mind games with me psychologically, telling me the words I never wanna hear spoken, making me question my feelings for people I thouhgt I'd already gotten over, in the dream I was doing things I literally fear I'll do every day, it was just a cacophany of deep rooted psychological terror, repressed memories, and past emotional trauma. I wake up literally crying, I'm scared to fall asleep again, I start compulsivly cleaning the kitchen at 3:20am, then make coffee with 3 _tablespoons_ of coffee to try stay awake, and watch some youtube, I laugh at the witty brilliance of michael reeves, once again.

All seems well.

suddenly, I the tiredness of a marathon runner hits me, and I pass out, this time sans dreams. I wake up at 4:30 with severe sleep paralysis, I can't move, I can't breathe, I try to scream for help, but faint exhales are all that come out, wasting the precious little oxygen I have left, this continues for what was realistically about 50 seconds, but felt like 3 minutes, eventually I managed to breathe again, now I DEFINITELY do not want to fall back asleep, but once again, within seconds, I pass out again,

Thank the lord above, it's morning, I've woken up happy, I go about my day as planned, get washing done, watch youtube, get some work done, suddenly I snap back to the couch, fuck, I never actually woke up, the sleep paralysis never stop, I'm still not breathing, this was a "life flash before your eyes" type thing, but instead of my life it was 'predicted next day flashes before your eyes'. THANK FUCK at this point I fell off the edge of the couch and shocked myself enough to be able to take the biggest fucking breathe of my life, I can breathe and move again.

Now I'm sitting here writing this TIFU to try keep myself awake.

TL;DR tried my own anxiety cocktail, had the worst, potentially deadly, defininatly traumatising night of my life.

submitted by /u/Dark_Messiah [link] [comments]

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Are you related to the last person you spoke to? Yes, I was talking to my mom and brother. 2. Are your blankets normally kicked all over the place when you wake up? No. 3. Do you wear an eye mask when you go to sleep? Nope. I’ve been wanting to get one of those eye cooling sleep masks, though. I get bad headaches and cold washcloths help with those, so I figured a cooling sleeping mask would be great for that. And for when it’s hot. 4. Are family get-togethers fun or awkward for you? I like them.  5. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? No.

6. What do you do if someone way too old for you hits on you? I’d decline. 7. Can you eat a whole pizza by yourself? I typically only eat 2-3 slices at a time. 8. Do you wear a lot of red clothes? No. 9. Do you lock the doors? Of course. 10. Is coffee better with or without milk? I only use milk (well soy milk) when I order lattes/mocha/macchiatos. If I order a regular coffee at like a restaurant then I use Half and Half and sugar. At home I use flavored creamer.  11. When was the last time you were at a hotel? Last weekend briefly when dropping my brother off. My mom and I went up to check out his room and stuff before we left. 12. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? My doggo. 13. Are you afraid of the dark, or were you ever? I mean, I sleep with the TV on for some light and sound because I can’t have it completely dark or silent. 14. Do you have trust issues? Not really. I just have a hard time opening up and expressing myself to anyone. 15. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard? I don’t remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. 16. What are your plans for Thursday? I don’t have any plans for tomorrow. 17. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Yes, back in July. 18. Are you playing hard to get right now? No. I’m just hard to want. 19. Do you still talk to the person you were dating five months ago? I was single and still am. 20. Does cuddling freak you out? No. 21. Are your toenails painted? Nope. 22. Have you ever told someone you were in love with them? Yes. I laid all my feelings out on the table for Joseph, which took every ounce of courage I could muster up. It was so hard for me. 23. Ever slapped a guy in the face? Only playfully, and it was lightly. 24. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? Nah. I had blonde highlights for several years, but I never went full on blonde. 25. Did you make anything to eat today? I had a sandwich for lunch. 26. Do you wear eyeliner? When I wear makeup, which is rare nowadays.  27. What’s your favourite part of the song that you’re listening to? I’m not listening to music right now. 28. Do you think you’re a good friend? I haven’t been at all for the past few years. I’ve been very shitty. :/ I can’t even call anyone a friend anymore. 29. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Fall. 30. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I’m wearing leggings with Santas all over and A Christmas Story shirt at the moment... in October. :X lol I’d really rather not. Plus, my hair is messy. Like,  I couldn’t even just throw a hat on it.  31. What was on your mind mostly today? Blah. 32. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? My mom and I bicker sometimes, mostly cause my moody moods get especially bad and I just end up butting heads with everyone. :/ 33. Can you handle the truth? Depends. 34. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of someone? I listen to them anyway and get sad. 35. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? I never go to sleep smiling. 36. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. 37. Did you have a good day yesterday? It was alright. 38. What was the highlight of today? I’m getting my favorite pizza for dinner.  39. Do you hate anyone? Besides myself, no. 40. Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now? Not right now. 41. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. 42. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No. 43. Do horror movies these days scare you? I love horror movies now it’s so weird. I used to be such a scardy cat. It’s October aka spooky time and I want to watch a ton of scary movies. 44. What is the best thing that’s happened in the past week? Spending the afternoon this past Sunday in one of my favorite touristy cities  that’s near water so it’s a lot cooler there temp wise and it was great and getting my favorite pizza twice. 45. What colour is your hair? Naturally it’s dark brown, but I dye it red. 46. What did you do yesterday? Same stuff I always do. 47. What are you doing tonight? Eat pizza and watch AHS. 48. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? No. 49. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. 50. Do you want to fix things with anybody? Yes, but I know I’m not in the right space mentally to do so yet. 51. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I’ve gone 6 years so far since the last time and I have no desire to drink as of now. 52. Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a mustache? Yeah. 53. Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day? There’s been times I’ve thought up a question or two. 54. Who is your favourite online friend? I think the survey community on here is pretty cool. 55. What was the last thing you tried for the first time? Hmm. I can’t think of something at the moment. 56. What was the last thing you said out loud, and how loud were you speaking? I was saying goodbye to my mom and brother who were leaving to go get our food. 57. What’s your favourite nail polish colour to wear or see on others? I liked wearing black the best. 58. What was the last thing you learned? Hmm. 59. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Not scorching, burning hot, but hot.  60. Are there any advertisements/commercials you actually like? Which? There’s been some commercials that I actually like, but generally I don’t pay much attention to them. 61. How often do you visit your relatives? Not often these days. There’s some family members I was really close with that I haven’t seen in a few years, which is crazy. I just really became withdrawn, distant, and reclusive these past few years from everyone. :/ 62. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? All of them sound terrifying. I’ve thankfully never experienced one. So far anyway... 63. What design is on your bed sheets? They’re just pink. 64. What is your favourite brand of fizzy drink? Like soda? I like Coke and Dr. Pepper, but I haven’t actually soda, only just a bit when I take my medicine, in like 2 years. I used to have one a day and I had been drinking soda since I was a kid (not regularly as a little kid, but I had it sometimes. I regularly started having it in middle school). 65. As a kid, did you use toothpaste that wasn’t minty? Yeah, I remember having bubblegum flavored ones. 66. What is your favourite vegetable? Spinach, potatoes, broccoli.  67. Do you have any other countries’ timezones saved to your computer/mobile phone? No. 68. Is your username the same for every website? No. 69. What do you have in your online bookmarks? On the bookmarks bar on Chrome I have Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and YouTube. 70. Do you have a lucky number? Why is it so lucky? I don’t believe in luck, but my favorite number is 8. 71. Do you set your browser to remember passwords? No. 72. Describe the perfect burger: I’m not a big burger person, but if I were to have one I’d just want cheese, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. 73. What was the last thing you made yourself to eat? A sandwich. 74. Do you agree that the nude scenes in movies are generally unnecessary? Uhh sometimes, but it’s whatever. I still act like a kid and mostly look away, though lol. 75. Have you ever stood on a sea creature while at the beach? Uh, no? 76. What’s worse; speaking in all caps, or all lowercase? When people type in all caps my mind reads it like yelling. 77. What’s your favourite place to go for fast food? Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonald’s, Chick-Fil-A, or Jack in the Box. However, I haven’t really been into fast food at all for the past few months, oddly enough. 78. How many fillings do you have? A lot. 79. Do you prefer warm or cold hands? I’m fine with my hands being warm, just not me overall being hot.  80. Have you ever had a mud fight? No. 81. When you see people in love, is your first reaction “ew” or “cute”? Cute.

82. Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened? 83. Do you know anyone who closely resembles someone else? Yeah, family members. lol. 84. When your sunburn peels, do you leave it or pull at it? I’m the worst cause I pull it. :X 85. What type of food do you find yourself craving most (sweet, savoury, meat, etc.)? Savory. 86. Why did you last go to the doctors? Monthly checkup for one of the ongoing things I’m dealing with. 

[9th-in-a-line]

Meme sent by @an-unlikely-duo because tumblr wanted to be dumb.

About you: 3, 7,8,13, 14, 29, 41, 

3. Are you circumcised?

“I guess that depends on if a lover wants me to be? By default, yes, but certain things are....customizable on androids, especially in the area of...customer satisfaction.”

7. What is your favorite type of underwear?

“I wear boxer briefs, but I don’t really have a preferance”

8.When was your last erection/arousal?

“Uuhm. last night, I guess?”

13.What are your turn-offs?

“Tough one. Degradation is one. I’m in an intimate moment, I really, really don’t want to be insulted. Like repeating what the other person says about themselves to the same intensity is one thing, they set the standard, they told me what was okay to say, and if it makes them happy I can play the role, but I draw the line after a certain point. Like if they want you to call me to call them a slut, okay, sluts are good at sex, they want to be told they’re doing great, can get behind that. take it to filthy little cum dumpster or something like that? Pushing it.”

14.What is the strangest thing you’ve ever been turned on by?

“The vibrations from my bike. it’s only happened once on a really bad day, where my libido was just....through the roof. And no it’s not towards the bike, but just get that thing going on the highway and it’s like a mobile sybian and after a while the vibrations kind of....get to you.”

29. Do you have a favorite person or few people to fantasize about?

“I actively try not to fantasize about people unless we’ve gotten sexual prior, it just seems more respectful that way but I can’t really say I have a favorite, per say.”

41.Do you prefer clean shaven or unkept?

“Clean is my only stipulation, other than that you could braid it down there and I wouldn’t bat an eye.”

 Masturbation: 5, 7,13,17, 23, 25,32,36,40 

5.Do you masturbate to any stimulus?

“Like videos? No, not really. I watch porn out of curiosity once, and now I watch it for a good laugh.”

7.What is the last thing you thought of or masturbated to?

“Nothing really. I just went at it.”

13.What is your method of masturbation? (i.e. Hands/Toys/Lotion/etc.)

“Hand and fractionated coconut oil. Everyone thinks I use it to style my hair, but I can guarantee that not a single drop has touched the hair on my head.”

17.Have you ever masturbated with someone? (Mutual masturbation)

“No, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in trying.”

23. Whats your most embarrassing masturbation story?

“I walked in on you going at it.” Caleb decided to tease Gavin

25. Have you ever used something unique or strange to masturbate?

“A human would say a robotic arm, but like....it’s my arm, so.....”

32. Are you able to achieve orgasm through only non-conventional or indirect methods? (Breast Play/Hands-Free/Anal)

“Yes, as are all androids if that was what our owners wanted once upon a time. But which ones are a secret.”

36.Do you edge when you masturbate? (Get to the point of orgasm and stop repeatedly to enhance the experience)

“Guilty. It’s my thing, I like to know what I want to do to other and how it feels before I do it.”

40.Whats the quickest you’ve ever been brought to orgasm?

“Remember when I mentioned my bike? It didn’t make me cum, but the session I had after did not last long...”

 Porn & Sexindustry: 1,3,10,13,14,18,22,23,27,30,37,45 

1. Do you watch porn?

“Rarely, and mostly to laugh at how absurd they are. Have you ever seen pie face porn? Bobo the clown is the only one creaming himself over that train wreck.”

3.What is your favorite category?

“Ok, seriously. Intense Orgasm is a good one, Male, Female, doesn’t matter, to me.”

10. How do you feel about cuckold/cuckqueen/swinging porn?

“I think I’m too loyal to find enjoyment in that one. like I don’t want to be the guy cheated on, I don’t want to be the one doing the cheating, and I don’t want to be the one being cheated with.”

13.How do you feel about Japanese/Asian porn? 14.How do you feel about mature porn?

“The expectations of the girls to be overly cutesy makes everything really fake, especially the voices. As for mature porn, I came into this world a grown man, and I’m eternally young, everyone is older than me, and either I only show interest in androids, or stop caring about people being older than me.”

18. How do you feel about rough/violent/humiliating porn?

“There are different levels, humiliation is out, entirely, but rough and violent walk a thin line. like is biting violent or rough, and if they throw in a hard spank does that change the category? Let’s just go with rough, I like it rough.”

22.How do you feel about POV porn?

“It’s okay. Not better or worse than any other angles.”

23.How do you feel about blowjob porn?

“Either it’s really good, or the technique pisses me off, there is no in-between.”

27. Have you ever used porn to show a partner what you like/want?

“No, it’s never come up, and if it does I can just tell them or demonstrate myself.”

30. Have you considered getting into porn?

“No, because then sex is work and not fun,”

37.Have you ever been to a strip club?

“My brother has and I have his memories, but beyond that, no.”

45. Have you ever orgasmed from a lap dance? Describe the experience(s).

“Nope, I’d not let it get that far even if I had had a lap dance.”

 Sex: 13,14,18,20,28,30,32,41,42,47,51,53,59,61,63,79,82,87,93,104,106, 

13.Have you wanted to have sex with someone, but couldn’t? Why couldn’t you?

“Not so much that I couldn’t, but more that I just Didn’t.”

14.Do you like dirty talking?

“Yeah. I can get behind dirty talk, especially when it’s a partner describing what they want me to do to them.”

18.  Whats your favorite position?

“Cowgirl. I’m going to make you work for it and watch your face as you do.”

20.  Whats the strangest position you’ve tried?

“I haven’t had the chance to try many, but I hope to change that eventually.”

28.Have you ever had shower sex? How was it?

“I have not but it sounds dangerous.

30. Where is the strangest or wildest place you’ve had sex/oral?

“Your house, to be honest. I’ve not been with anyone else.”

32.  Have you used anything to improve sexual performance? (Penis Extenders/Tingling Lube/Cock Rings)

“Not yet, but I plan to.”

41. Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever rejected someone?

“I’ve rejected someone, I just thought her career wasn’t worth risking over one night with an android who didn’t even accept the fact that he was alive yet.”

42. Have you ever been stopped mid-sex? Describe the experience(s).

“I have not had that experience yet, and If I do I hope it’s over something playful and not anything serious.”

47.  Have you ever given or received road head? Describe the experience(s).

“I drive a bike, and rarely go anywhere in cars, so no, no I haven’t. and while the idea is...tempting, it is also dangerous.”

51. Have you ever had sex at work? Describe the experience(s).

“Not at the police station. I am not taking that risk, I don’t care how tempting it seems,”

53. Which non-genital parts of your body do you like being touched or stimulated?

“Kiss and nibble my neck and chest and I’m yours.”

59. Have you ever “titty-fucked” before?

“No. Though I feel like I’d only do it if I was asked to. Yes, breasts are nice, but there are better places”

61. Do you prefer your partner to be vocal/moan loudly?

“Yes! Okay, here's the thing there is fake moaning, don’t do that, I can analyze that and tell you’re faking. Those soft little whines and sighs. The gasps you make when your legs start to tremble? the moans when I make your toes curl? Give me those. Don’t hold them back and don’t fake them. Those are the sexiest things a partner could ever possibly give me.”

63. Do you ever role-play?

“I would like to. but that needs to be discussed first.”

79. Have you ever been double penetrated? Describe the experience(s).

“See the above answer”

82. Do you like cum or is it gross?

“I’ve put worse things in my mouth on an almost daily basis to the point that I’ve  started using mouth wash just in case.”

87. Have you ever used a buttplug while having sex?

“See answer 79″

93. Do you like prostate play?

“Giving or taking, I’m your man.”

104. Have you ever cum in your pants? Describe the experience(s)

“Came close with a dream but I was woken up before anything happened, luckily.”

106. Do you like to play with balls/have your balls played with?

“Yes, Anything to make my partner feel needy, and anything to keep them occupied”

 Toys: 3,8,11,12,16, 

3. What sex toy do you currently want?

“Of course you’d want to know that. I would say start simple with a vibrator and work my way out to the more extreme ones.”

8. Have you ever used a washer/dryer as a sex toy?

“I....may have discovered the advantages of leaning against one with a heavy load and immediately judged myself for it afterward.”

11. Have you ever improvised a sex toy? (Cucumber/Banana/Etc.)

“No, never. If I’m that desperate I might as well go find someone else to help me out.”

12. What is the strangest sex toy you’ve ever used?

“Haven’s used one yet”

16. Do you ever wear a buttplug in public?

“No, I’ve not graduated into the exhibitionism experiments.”

 Fetishes: 1,4,5,11,14,20,23,24,26,27,28,35,42,47,55,64,66,72,75,78,82,84,90,94,98,102

1.  What fetishes do you have?

“None that I know of at the moment, but that’s why I’m open to trying new things. I just haven’t been around long enough to figure that sort of stuff out.”

4.  What fetishes are you yet to experience?

“Basically all of them. I’ve come across a few kinks but kinks and fetishes are different, Aren’t they? Or are they used interchangeably now?”

5. Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in?

“Katoptronophilia seems like it’d be the most harmless to try. as worst you just....cover the mirror or stop looking at it if it doesn’t work for you the way you thought it would.”

11.  Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions?

Caleb let out a sheepish little laugh as a blush finally managed to spread across his face. “I might partake once in a blue moon.” That was a hard yes.

14.  Do you like to be denied?

“I wouldn’t know, I’m the one who does the denying, everyone else is just along for the ride.”

20. Do you like spanking/being spanked?

“I would try it if my partner was into it. I can’t feel pain so I see no harm in trying either side.”

23. Do you enjoy choking or being choked? How hard?

“I would never choke a human, cut off a little blood flow, sure, but never to deprive oxygen. Me on the other hand? If you can tame me enough send my systems on the fritz, I don’t need air, just go at it if that’s what you need to get off.”

24. Do you like to bite or be bit?

“Both, next question.”

26. Do you like pulling or having your hair pulled?

“Both, next question.”

27. What is your safe-word?

“Oooooh, good one. What would my safe word be? Pain? I guess. I mean If I’m yelling about pain you know it’s serious. I’ll put more thought into it later.

28. Have you ever done a cum-walk? (Walking in public with cum on your face/clothes/etc)

“No, I worry about appearances too much, I have the same face as at least two more androids, anyone not paying attention could mistake us for each other.”

35. Are you a bull?

“If that means the more aggressive of two sexual partners, then yes, Absolutely”

42. Do you like to humiliate your partner?

“No. I’m a good boy, that would make me feel so mean. I can’t do it.”

47. Have you ever fisted? Explain the experience.

“Oh god.” Caleb laughed. “No, I have not and it would take a whole lot of convincing to get me to try.”

55. Would you ever participate in a gang bang? (4 or more people)

“I’m hesitant to answer....I think, for right now at least, sex is strictly between me and one other person at a time.”

64. Do you like face-sitting/smothering?

“I would let someone sit on my face, but not the other way around.”

66. Do you like weapon play?

“Depends on the weapon and who is on what end. I would rather be the one having the weapon used on me, simply for safety reasons.”

72. Whats the most humiliating thing you’ve been forced to do?

“Let’s get one thing straight here, I give the orders, so no one is forcing me to do anything.”

75. Do you like to be worshiped?

“Not worshipped, just....appreciated. Sometimes I just want to be touched and kissed gently, leave all the aggressive stuff at the door and just...come together in something a little sweeter.”

78. Do you like to keep the slave play in the bedroom or carry it over to real life?

“Again there is a lot of grey area, because I don’t know what makes the difference between just being a bossy lover and dom, and slave play.”

82. Do you enjoy giving/receiving JOIs? (Jerk Off Instructions)

“Both, next question.”

84. Have you ever given or received a foot job?

“No, I don’t understand what’s with humans and feet? Either humans think they are gross, or want to sniff them. I don’t know, all I know is that whatever way I can tease and get a reaction? I’m doing it.”

90. Do you enjoy brat play?

“You could say I like putting people in their places, and breaking them down to be putty in my hands.”

94. Have you ever experienced a full friction/lap dance?

“I’ve never had any kind of lap dance.”

98. What is the strangest way anyone has made you cum?

“By asking me to cum on them. I can’t not deliver”

102.   Have you ever experienced a ruined orgasm? Describe the experience(s).

“I have not but I plan to cause a few.”

[wurwurz]

I was tagged by @adaline-hiero, thank you sweetie.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My mother.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? I used to be very shy at school and university era, even as a young adult. I wouldn't say I'm outgoing now. But not shy anymore. Right in the middle.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My mother and my brother because they are all the family I have left. My dog because he's my baby.

4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I've never ever been drunk in my life. No interest.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? The ones who could not be attracted to me. The Hiddleston and Cumberbatch kind (funny, smart, artist, educated, gentleman, caring, giving, handsome but doesn't act like he God knows it, heartful, sensitive...)

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nah.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My dash shows me a lot of Brie Larson content these days (due to Marvel) and I envy her silhouette, mainly her boobs.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Online ? Nah. Face to face, depends.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My dog. "How not to pee in the kitchen when mom is in the bedroom".

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Damned Quasimodo !” to my brother (Notre Dame de Paris burning).

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I don't listen to the radio, so I barely listen to "new" songs.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Kids, no. Lover, yes.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? As much as I believe in Nessy.

15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to the Provence.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? That's not even a question. Just logic. Yes there is life on other planets and I hope it is nothing like humans.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No.

19. Do you like bubble baths? I prefer showers.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Two look like serial killers, one is 110 years old, one obviously doesn't know what a shower is for, two other kill my nose sensitivity everytime they open their door, one loves to play music until 4 in the morning. Noooope.

21. What are you bad habits? I try to do 10 things at once. Worse is that I do succeed.

22. Where would you like to travel? London.

23. Do you have trust issues? If I understand the question right, ooooh yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going back home in the evening.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thumbs because I've got brachydactyly.

26. What do you do when you wake up? I rub my eyes and I complain about me not sleeping enough.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? My skin is as white as Olaf and I love it. It never gets tanned, it's fascinating. I turn red and then all white again.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My mum.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Not really.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Tom and Benedict and meeeee.

33. Spell your name with your chin. I have no dea what that one means.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Yes, shopping and I've very good at it.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Depends. Sometimes I listen to music for hours everyday and sometimes I don't listen to a single tune. Same for TV.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I laugh.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? The answer will sound so teenish. The two actors I feel for.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Decoration stores.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I am 43, honey.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Some yes, others neva eva.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I've just woken up.

43. Do you smile at strangers? If they walk their dog, yes. Though I first smile at the dog.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Asgard.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? An invisible force stronger than me.

46. What are you paranoid about? Losing the 2 only members of my family.

47. Have you ever been high? No and not willing to be.

48. Have you ever been drunk? No, police officer.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I was made for acting bad. ^^

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? I don't wear hoodies.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes. Currently wishing I was Bobby Hiddleston. But I wouldn't enjoy being that furry for long.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? More confident.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Revolution Beauty for cheap brand. Make Up For Ever.

54. Favourite store? Make up ? Sephora

55. Favourite blog? Some I love equaly, so no name.

56. Favourite colour? Green.

57. Favourite food? Pizza.

58. Last thing you ate? Foret noire (Bonte Divina).

59. First thing you ate this morning? Nesquik + Princes Lu.

60. Ever won a competition? Yes, if work competition are included. My boss didn't know if he should keep me or the other girl (I knew he preferd the other girl because of her short skirts), so he gave us tests. I won. Hehehe.

61. Been suspended/expelled? No comprendo.

62. Been arrested? For what? No.

63. Ever been in love? Yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? No, I won't.

65. Are you hungry right now? A bit. But on a diet for one day so I'm not gonna ruin it already !

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I hate them all !!! lol

67. Facebook or Twitter? Sick of Facebook. Too unpretty for my standards and too full of boring stuff. Twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr !

69. Are you watching tv right now? Yes.

70. Names of your bestfriends? Tic and Tac.

71. Craving something? What? Another one I don't get. What is to crave ?

72. What colour are your towels? Taupe (light brown).

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One ergonomic.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No but I wished that my real living animal would like to sleep with me, but he doesn't. Chihuahuas...

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Me, none. My dog has over 20.

75. Favourite animal? Except dogs, gorillas.

76. What colour is your underwear? White.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Pistachio / Mint.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Depends.

80. What colour pants? Depends.

81. Favourite tv show? Sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? Bram Stoker's Dracula.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Since I don't know what it is, I guess... none !

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? I used to watch 21 Jump Street when I was a teenie with Depp that I already didn't like... Overrated actor.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Stop asking.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? The mean shark. Kidding. Dory.

87. First person you talked to today? My dog asking him if he had slept well. He never answered.

88. Last person you talked to today? My dog wishing him a good night. He never replied.

89. Name a person you hate? My grandmother. Wishing her the worst on earth (loooooong story).

90. Name a person you love? My mother + my own Myscroft.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? My grandmother now that you brought that back.

92. In a fight with someone? No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? None. That's a fashion no for anybody.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? No hoodie. Sweaters a bunch.

95. Last movie you watched? Crappy movies on Netflix and I have no idea how they were called...

96. Favourite actress? Sigourney Weaver.

97. Favourite actor? Benedict Cumberbatch because he blew me away too many times. Tom Hiddleston is a great contender.

98. Do you tan a lot? Not at all. But I do get red.

99. Have any pets? One chihuahua, Cookie, 9 years old. Had another chihuahua named Bobby who passed away last year. He was 11.

100. How are you feeling? Ok? I'm at home watching Notre Dame burning. I'm sad.

101. Do you type fast? Kind of.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Sadly yes.

103. Can you spell well? Yes.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My father. He passed away in 2015.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No idea what it is.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Happened.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? My friend told me it was a horse and confessed it was just a big poney afterwards.

108. What should you be doing? Giffing !

109. Is something irritating you right now? I'm biting a nail and I've just ruined it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues? You've already asked that one, parrot.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mother.

113. What was your childhood nickname? "Nini la sauce".

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I went to Germany to meet an actor I don't care about now. I met online buddies, visited Germany. Was great.

115. Do you play the Wii? PLAYSTATION !!!

116. Are you listening to music right now? Nope.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? No.

118. Do you like Chinese food? No.

119. Favourite book? The vampire Lestat, Anne Rice.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Love it.

121. Are you mean? Hehehe, yesssss.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No. Never.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? No, not with a doggie.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? A bit, that thing is too long.

127. What makes you happy? When my bank doesn't call to complain about my empty account.

128. Would you change your name? Noooo. Marilyn is a beautiful name. Merci, maman.

129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius.

130. Do you like subway? Never used subway.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? God that silly thing happened. That was embarrassing. He was just a friend, not someone I ever felt for. That has ruined our friendship, he was kind of married.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Not kidding, you have already asked the same question, right ?

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “shoo-be-doo-be-doo" by Madonna. Yeah, that's deep.

134. Can you count to one million? Happy to know I have always had better things to do.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? "I hadn't noticed that Cookie had vomited right there, mom, promise". For the record, she cleaned. *g*

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed door ! I live in the french Bronx !

137. How tall are you? 162 cm. Something like... 28 cm shorter than Tom Hiddleston.

138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette with one or two white hair already.

140. Summer or Winter? Summer. I hate, like really really hate winter.

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? July.

143. Are you a vegetarian? I'm weirdian. I don't like meat, I don't like vegetables. I am a pain in the ass when you ask me to come diner.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk chocolate.

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee. Benedict can keep all the tea.

146. Was today a good day? Until my country lost one of its most iconic monument, yes.

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars.

148. What’s your favourite quote? “If it bleeds, we can kill it”. ^^

149. Do you believe in ghosts? No but Zach Bagans would make me say yes.

150. Do you tag anyone else to do this? I always fear I bore my mutuals with these, so nope.

[ablodhere]

Chase Brody and Antisepticeye the originals: Theory™

(Trademark symbol just because. :P)

Disclaimer: All of this was just a little idea I had so I have some "evidence" but most of it is just filler to make an understanding of who @therealjacksepticeye 's alter egos are. It makes sense that they’re split personalities, but I want to push the bar and say that it all starts with Chase and Anti as the first in line. Again, this is my theory (Some would argue fanfiction) so I hope you respect my thoughts and ideas and maybe it will help you think about it or expand on your own theory. If you don't agree with it, don't worry. It is why it is a theory and somewhat story since I can only do so much with video clips of these characters. 

Speaking of which, I will be mentioning some video series of Jack's. I will add some of the links but only if I say the title video name and add a timestamps. All the gifs are from Jack's videos. Now, let's get into the theory.

Let's start off with Chase Brody and "The Jacksepticeye's Power Hour - Chase Brody." Now this is when we first meet Chase. Clearly it is supposed to be a stage name of some sort (especially if you want to consider that Jack has made fun of the name once in “HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL! | Douchebag’s Chick” 10:25), so this is most likely supposed to be an earlier or later version of Jack who has had a family and kids, who wants some type of fame if they don’t already have or want more. As we see though, his family is taken away because of his neglectance, he is now depressed because his wife and him got a divorce and she took the kids with her and the show is being run by people who just want views and tasks that are near impossible to complete. Later, “jokes” in the show, such as the drive-by shot and his depression caused by “suicide” makes him “shoot” himself on camera, in order to end Chase’s time on air. 

Later, he takes up or takes back the name Jacksepticeye and continues making videos, but on his own terms. As stated in “SPLIT PERSONALITIES! | Reading Your Comments #47″ Stamp: 00:14-00:24, he has split personalities (when the video was made, I’m sure it was just for a joke, but for the sake of this theory/story, we are going to treat it as if it is a character trait Chase/Jack has). In the clip shown, it is clear that the other voice is aggressive, so if we are assuming that the voice isn’t Chase or Jack, then who would it end up being? It is a voice prone to violence and harm, not only on 1others like in the power hour with the “drive-by”, but also to himself, again, shown in the power hour and the split personalities video, not only making it seem like he committed suicide, but is also verbally aggressive against his other personalities.

Now to Antisepticeye. What do we really know about him? He seems to be a type of glitchy demon to be the opposite of our beloved YouTube star. (Clips here is not linked to Jack’s videos, but to a YouTube channel called @helen92edits, thank you, you made my job so much easier.) “Antisepticeye Clips” is a compilation of Anti moments, and I’ve noticed that yes, he is prone to harming Jack, says he’ll harm others, said he has killed with the earliest clip “You aren’t allowed to see the dead bodies,” enjoys the uneasiness and the creepy feel he projects to others and see them uncomfortable, helpless or in pain. In all honesty, we know a lot about Anti, and he is a demon. After all, he does occasionally flash his blacked out eyes at the camera, which is a signature mark of a demon. 

Now to put the story together. These are recent videos Jack has made, but not in order. First is “TIE - A Game About Depression” Stamp: 12:00. Chase is playing the game, we know based off of how Chase knows how it feels to feel depressed and probably still is depressed saying that his mind is racing, maybe from voices in his head, or thoughts planted there and longing for things to go back to how they were before. Then the video shows Chase is sporting a black shirt and black pants, drinking whisky, and is distressed. He puts his hat down and walks away. 

Next video: “WATCH THIS WITH THE LIGHTS OFF | Stories Untold - Chapter 1″ Stamp: 22:01 (Also, I want to say that I think the intro sequences for the Stories Untold are referencing the three, Jack, Anti, and Chase. 2 is probably foreshadowing to the ending of the Dark Silence video which I will cover, 3 is maybe about or to Chase’s kids when referencing a missing father, and 4 was cut short, but is maybe about Jack not recognizing himself in the mirror and feels like someone else is looking at him, which correlates to depression, or if he has split personalities like we suspect, it would mean he realizes that he isn’t the only one in that body). In the middle of the outro, Jack is interrupted because he hears rustling sounds, scraping as it says in the subtitles if you turn them on. The door then opens, he turns and it cuts to a TV on a desk after lightning claps. A second or two after, an image of Jack, or someone who looks like him (Anti), flashes on the TV, where he looks directly at you before it is just static.

“DARK SILENCE” Stamp: 20:35 Jack is then out and walking around a house he doesn’t recognize based off of the seemingly confused look on his face. Most likely he is in his mind since these alters can manifest in both real life and in his head. A child’s laugh can be heard when walking around. Then a woman’s scream and whispers as he turns towards his left to go upstairs, then a child crying and more whispers as he turns right to see Anti waiting there in a doorway in front of him. He screams “Where are they?! What do you want from me?!” to Anti before he advances to the camera. (This was the Chapter 2 reference, first you turn to a door on your left, then to your right. Just listen to it, it is a bit of a stretch though.)

“EXPLORING AN ABANDONED HOSPITAL | Exiles” Stamp: Very opening and then 14:29. In the middle of his sentence, Jack stares at the camera as he starts bleeding from his eyes. Similar to when he started bleeding from the corner of his eye and face in one of the sister locations videos (I don’t remember which one so “Antisepticeye Clips” Stamp: 2:27). You hear whispers as Jack bleeds and it gets louder. You start hearing them say “All your fault, you did this,” repeat over and over again.

In “Barry Has A Secret” , we notice Jack is acting a little strange and at 12:19 he fidgets and panics when we leave, only for us to find a (prop) baby hand in his cupboard and him saying we weren’t supposed to see that in a malicious manor. He lunges his hand toward us, then the camera goes black.

(I’m not sure what the blinding light at the the end of “THEY ARE LISTENING | Stories Untold - Chapter 2″ Stamp: 30:27 means, but the beginning again refers back to Dark Silence, which came out later then this video, but maybe you guys can try and help me figure out what the light means.) “THEY’RE HERE! |Stories Untold - Chapter 3″ Stamp: 40:50 . Whispers start and the screen goes black and you hear this dialog “Jack... Jack! This is Chase. You need to wake up!” Meaning he is hearing this in his head, Chase is another entity in his head, another persona that he can take. Also that would mean Anti is able to be in Jack’s head or in real life if he is truly a demon.

“IT WAS ALL CONNECTED! | Stories Untold - Chapter 4″ Stamp: 45:07 we are greeted to Jack tossing in his bed  while whispers are heard. He sits up panting and then looks into the camera and says “I remember what he did to me...” then the camera goes black. (I should also mention that “Try to Fall Asleep” is a bit weird, the intro is probably Anti telling us to try to fall asleep since it would be the easiest way to possess us, the play through itself is Chase and the ending at 19:55 is maybe Jack still in a dream until he is scared awake, which is what causes the Chapter 4 ending. Yet it doesn’t really seem like it fits right. Maybe you guys will figure this out too if you want.)

What does all this information mean? Well, Chase/Jack  (Chase is the show guy and he goes by Jack in videos now since he “killed himself”, and I am using the name Jack instead of  Seán because I don’t want to somehow misspell his actual name. I don’t want to forget the accent on it, I’m very picky about that. But Jack is more of the planner, the one that makes the schedules while Chase is the show boat. They are practically the same person, but Jack will call Chase by his real name while Chase just uses Seán’s nickname Jack.) is depressed about losing his family, so instead of moving on, he makes a deal with a demon in efforts to get them back. Now this demon inhabits Jack/Chase’s body in the form we know as Anti. And that’s it. It is that simple. It is the reason why Chase (TIE ending) is seen wearing the same clothing as Anti does in literally anything else he does. Why Chase hasn’t woken up since he got “captured” by Anti (Stories Untold - Chapter 1 ending). It is why Chase looks so confused in Exiles, it is Jack at the desk while Chase is trapped wondering their mind (Dark Silence ending), until Anti finds him, which is why he yells about the his family, he figures if the demon is their then his family would be back, that was the deal. Instead, Anti most likely killed the wife and kids (Barry Has A Secret) after taking over, ( which is why he has a baby hand in the cupboard and why he says we weren’t supposed to see that) and him taking over causes Jack to bleed like he did (Exiles). It is also way in Barry Has A Secret, it is evident by his demeanor in the beginning and end of the video that it wasn’t Jack or Chase. Despite the circumstances, Chase is able to break out of Anti’s control but it causes Jack to fall asleep in Chase’s place. So Chase tries to wake him up (Stories Untold - Chapter 3) and why when Jack did wake up (Stories Untold - Chapter 4) he says, “I remember what he did to me...” He remember that Anti used him and killed his ex-wife and kids. Then again this last little bit that doesn’t seem right and I feel we are missing a piece somewhere in past or in an upcoming video but we just need to wait and see.

This is what I have, hope you guys liked my theory/Story. I spent a lot of time figuring this out and setting up a timeline. This took about a week for me to make this. From having the initial idea, I had two days of research, aka watching the videos and a full day of sorting out the video orders to have it make sense and three more days of writing and editing. Feel free to share this idea around, modify it to make it better or just ignore it if you don’t like it. If you have anything that helps support or think some parts don’t have anything to do with this, feel free to say so. Hoped you enjoyed the long explanation. 

[horsegirlhob]

a n s w e r t h e m a l l

Jesus take the weel we really gon do this huh?

Well, prepare yourself I guess.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Mah girlfrien

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Outgoing I guess?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Courtney Barnette in concert tonight good music I strongly recommend.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeh I’d assume so 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Smart funny people? Idk.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Yeah

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

No one?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My therapist

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

It’s the “Guess I’ll die” picture.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

You can’t make me choose

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Depends on who it is.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Nah.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I went to france which was litty as a titty (I regret the words that I speak)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Absolutely

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Yep, definitely

 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No, but not because of some falling out or anything, we just went to different high schools

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Never had one

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yeah, overall.

21. What are you bad habits?

I bite my nails and I write all my ‘f’s like fuckin forte symbols

22. Where would you like to travel?

I’d like to go to venice again before it sinks into the ocean

23. Do you have trust issues?

Nah

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Getting home 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Fuckin boobs

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Pretend that I have not woken up

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker because I burn so fuckin easily

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

The neighborhood cat

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Yes my many many exes that I seduced and who are all still in love with me. (Jk I have no exes)

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I really don’t care either way.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Not even remotely

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Jodi Whittaker and Jodi because They’re both great but more importantly their names rhyme

33. Spell your name with your chin.

johanna (I am so impressed with myself you have no idea)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to play soccer and now I do aerial silks

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Definitely no tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yeah, of course.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I usually just poke the other person with a stick like some kind of roadkill racoon

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Don’t really have one

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

The candy ones

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Go to university

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Not everyone but usually (for like minor stuff. Rapists and stuff like that I’m not inclined to give a second chance.)

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m asleep

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I wink suggestively at strangers until they run away.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My mother turning on my light and yelling at me

46. What are you paranoid about?

Everyone hating me

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Once with my grandmother

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yep

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish that my chest were smaller (aka no boobs would be a fun time)

53. Favourite makeup brand?

The... face... kind?

54. Favourite store?

the grocery store

55. Favourite blog?

Certainly not my own

56. Favourite colour?

Red

57. Favourite food? 

I’ve always loved all kinds of asian cuisine. Right now I’m kinda craving sushi.

58. Last thing you ate?

A homemade cranberry muffin

59. First thing you ate this morning?

A homemade cranberry muffin

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Some soccer tournaments.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nothing

62. Been arrested? For what?

Arrested for stealing people’s hearts ;)

63. Ever been in love? 

Pass

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

My girlfriend kissed me in the theatre room because no one was there and I was leaving for 2 months and then we sat in silence for half an hour.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Not really

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

What real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Instagram

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

No.

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Evelin

71. Craving something? What?

Craving that sweet sweet serotonin

 72. What colour are your towels?

Mostly blue and purple

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

deux

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Oui

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

You mean how many drawers of stuffed animals? the answer is three. Three drawers full. 

75. Favourite animal?

Fox or raccoon

76. What colour is your underwear?

Purple

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

I’m a slut of some good cookie dough

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black

80. What colour pants?

Grey

81. Favourite tv show?

It’s not my favourite but I just finished watching the good place which is a good show

82. Favourite movie?

Don’t really have one. Maybe Heathers?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls (never seen 21 jump street)

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Karen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

My mother

88. Last person you talked to today?

My father

89. Name a person you hate?

Jada

90. Name a person you love?

Evelin

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Myself 

92. In a fight with someone?

Myself

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

at least 11

95. Last movie you watched?

Ant man and the wasp

96. Favourite actress?

Jodi Whittaker because she’s the first one I could think of.

97. Favourite actor?

David Tennant because I was thinking about doctor who

98. Do you tan a lot?

If by tan you mean burn

99. Have any pets?

I have a little sister

100. How are you feeling?

Depressed and distressed

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah but it’s with really bad technique

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yes

103. Can you spell well?

Absolutely not

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes actually

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Only my parents

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yep

108. What should you be doing?

Not this

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Period cramps are a bitch

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Dan and Phil

111. Do you have trust issues?

No and I feel like this was asked already

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My friend probably

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Joji

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yep

115. Do you play the Wii?

Nope

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Always

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yes but only actual Chinese food none of your american Chinese shit

119. Favourite book?

I want my hat back

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No

121. Are you mean?

Mainly to myself

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

I can’t even keep black shoes clean

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not at all

125. Do you believe in true love?

In a way

126. Are you currently bored?

Not really

127. What makes you happy?

Dan and Phil

128. Would you change your name?

In a heartbeat

129. What your zodiac sign?

Virgo

130. Do you like subway?

I mean it’s not like, my favourite food but I’ll eat it

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

But he’s gay

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I know for sure that we asked this question already

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“The paramedic thinks I’m clever cause I play guitar, I think she’s clever cause she stops people dying”

134. Can you count to one million?

No because patience is a virtue

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“Yeah I have math class next” (I had french class)

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′10

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Well I have straight hair, but I don’t know if this means me or on other people.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

December

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope, I like eating that thick meat.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milky milky goodness

145. Tea or Coffee?

Both

146. Was today a good day?

Objectively

147. Mars or Snickers?

Twix

148. What’s your favourite quote?

[Embrace the void and] have the courage to exist 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I am a ghost. 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou)

“Staring at my reflection in one of those angled shoe-store mirrors when I was six or seven, thinking there was something wrong with my body.”

That was long and I apologize to everyone who follows me.

[jjk-emotrash]

Blood and Gasoline - Chapter 3

Type: Mafia!AU

Group/s: Mainly BTS, Got7, Blackpink

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (OC), Jikook x Reader (OC)

Safety: NSFW

Warnings (Whole Fic): Swearing, Violence, Prostitution, Misogyny/Anti-Feminist Views, Torture, Smut, Non-Con/Rape, Death, SOME Fluff

Word Count: 3.3k

Masterlist

Y/N was awoken the next morning to the sound of yelling. At first, she was scared and confused about as to where she was but then she started to recall everything that had occurred in the past 48 hours.

“So it wasn’t just a dream…” she whispered to herself and checked her phone for the time. 7:30 am. Pulling herself out from between the soft sheets of her new bed and slowly walking over to her door, she pulled it a jar. She was vaguely able to hear the yelling with a little more clarity but in her sleepy haze, she couldn’t register any of the words themselves.

Despite her curiosity, Y/N made the decision to stay in her room until the yelling stopped. Mainly so she didn’t get into trouble on the first proper day of her new life. Instead, she wandered back over to the bed and scrolled through her social media’s absent-mindedly. Once the yelling had come to a halt, a slam of the front door shook the household. The argument must have been important for when Yoongi pushed her door open gently 15 minutes later, she could see the rage and stress still written all over him.

“How much of that did you hear?” He asked, obviously trying to remain calm.

“None, Sir. Well, nothing that was understandable. It was all unintelligible noise from up here.” Y/N responded, trying to keep an aura of peace herself. All he did was give a curt nod before taking in her appearance. The tight shorts that could pass as underwear and low cut tank top easily made his breath catch in his throat. It definitely didn’t help that she hadn’t thought to wear a bra either, the draft caused by the open door causing her nipples to harden slightly in response. Y/N thought nothing of it, having never worn a bra to bed. He pulled his gaze away and gulped slightly before talking again.

“Go get a shower and come down for breakfast. It’ll be served in half an hour.” he made a move to leave before adding “Oh and, Y/N, wear your dance gear. You’ve got a performance tonight and need to practice with the others. You’ll start immediately after breakfast.”

After 10 minutes figuring out how the shower worked, Y/N washed and dried herself as quickly as she could. Once she was fully clothed and her hair was dry and tied up, she ventured out. She was surprised to see Yugyeom waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.

“Morning,” he drawls, obviously still half asleep.

“Good morning, Yugyeom.” she giggles back as he yawns.

“Come on, let’s get you to breakfast.”

“Are you not joining us?”

“Unfortunately, no. I have some other…stuff to do before tonight”

“Stuff?” she laughs

“Stuff.” he replies, not a hint of amusement in his voice. She decided not to question him further and stayed silent as she walked by his side to the dining room. Passing the living room where she had spent the previous evening, she smiled slightly to herself. After another few feet, they reached a large mahogany door. The man next to her pushed the door open for her and gestured for her to enter. As soon as she stepped into the room, the door shut behind her, making her jump, and Yugyeom was gone.

Waiting for her, sat around a large square wooden table with an array of breakfast foods on, is Yoongi and the dancers she recognised from the club. Yoongi barely acknowledged her existence, only gesturing to the seat next to him and grumbled something that sounded like “morning” as he glared at something on his phone. She took the seat and immediately dug in, trying to eat away her nerves about meeting the girls. Over the numerous nights at the club, Y/N had noticed how snobbish the girls could be to the other people in the club. She would rather not be on the receiving end of one of their bitchy comments first thing in the morning.

“Good morning, Y/N,” spoke a perky voice that forced her to look up and face the girl that had spoken. She had hair dyed a fire orange falling to hang to just below her bust with a block fringe cut just above her large dark eyes. “I’m Lisa,” Her grin caused her cheeks to puff up a bit making her look rather cute. Y/N gave a meek smile in response.

“Lisa, do you always have to be so perky first thing in the morning?” the girl sat next to Lisa spoke, hitting her arm playfully before turning to face Y/N, “Don’t mind her, she can get quite hyper. I’m Jennie,” Jennie, had long brown hair tied up into a ponytail, her almost feline-like features becoming all the more prominent. “This is Jisoo,” she gestured to the girl on her other side who also had dark hair but it was shorter, hanging to just below her shoulders. She gave Y/N a warm smile, her softer features glowing. “And this is Rosé.” the final girl had long strawberry blonde locks tied into loose pigtails by her ears. Her sweet voice gave a soft ‘hello’. Of course, Y/N new they were beautiful, having seen them perform hundreds of times, but up close they didn’t quite look real. Suddenly a wave of insecurity washed over her and she sunk into her chair a little. Rosé noticed immediately.

“Hey? Don’t worry. You’re going to fit in perfectly.” the other three nodded in response and nattered amongst themselves about re-blocking and positions as they finished eating.

It was all rather overwhelming. Y/N had expected the girls to be catty and rude to her but they seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of gaining a new dancer. She even picked up the girls’ conversation about potential solos for her. Subconsciously, Y/N glanced to her immediate right but found Yoongi still glaring at his phone and furiously typing something. She knew it was in her best interest not to ask, especially after the yelling she had woken up to. However, she couldn’t help but let her mind drift to the many possibilities of what the shouting and Yoongi’s glare where in response to. Surely being a club owner wasn’t this anger-inducing, there had to be something- She was immediately snapped out of her thoughts as the others called for her from the door to follow.

The four girls practically dragged Y/N straight to the dance studio in the basement of the mansion. There were three doors leading to three different rooms. The door at the end of the short corridor leading to the boiler room, the door to the left was the gym and to the right was the dance studio. The second she stepped foot into the soundproofed room, Y/N almost broke down in tears at the feeling of being back in a studio after so long. The dancers understood as they each remembered their own first time in the basement studio. The entire back wall was covered from floor to ceiling in mirrors. On the opposite was a ballet barre that stretched from wall to wall. The exposed beams that ran the length of the ceiling also purposed as fixtures for lighting which could be controlled from a panel in the wall next to the door. State of the art speakers were placed in each corner of the ceiling, connecting to another control unit where all of their music for warm-ups and routines were stored. A similar system was set up in the club. Each of the girls had a photo of themselves dancing in the club on a large canvas hung up on the walls.

“It’s beautiful,” Y/N breathed as she took in the space, trying her hardest to hold back her tears.

“Yes, it is. And soon enough, your photo will be hanging on these walls alongside ours.” Jisoo responded, wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders.

“Well let’s not just stand here gawking at the room, let’s dance.”

The five girls launched into a tiring warm up, consisting of intense cardio and limbering, that ended with them all sweating. Y/N was surprised that she was able to keep up. Once they were all sufficiently warm, Jennie asked Y/N to show them what she performed for Yoongi in the “audition” so they would be able to place her appropriately. As soon as she told them the track name, they all raised their eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you certain?” Rosé asked as if trying to coax Y/N into attempting a different routine, “That one is difficult to perform without feeling awkward, even for us.”

“I’m certain. Play the track.”

And so they did. Y/N took a deep breath to calm herself as Lisa dimmed the lights. She felt wild as she performed and imagined herself on the club stage. All eyes on her. By the time she was finished, her breathing was erratic and she was drenched in sweat but she felt…good. When the lights came up and she saw the expressions on her new friend’s faces, she smirked to herself and sat down to calm herself. They were all looking at her as though she had just grown wings. Complete shock and awe.

“Well fuck Y/N, it’s no wonder the Boss accepted you so quickly…” Lisa muttered to herself. Jisoo and Rosé nodded in response. Jennie looked deep in thought for a minute or so before saying,

“We’re doing this one tonight. And you,” she stalked towards me “are going to be in the focal point. Front and centre.”

“What?!” Y/N exclaimed, “But that’s your spot, why would you give it to me?”

“Because you deserve it. I’ve never seen anyone dance like that before in my life.”

The other three muttered in agreement before walking over to the newbie and sitting with her.

“Seriously, Y/n that was amazing. I can’t imagine a better debut in this business.” Rosé told her in reassurance “Trust us, we’re not going to let you fall. We’re family now.”

Y/N nodded to herself and stood up smiling at them. With that, they started to re-position the routine from start to finish. It took all morning to get it perfect but it would be worth it. That morning was not only spent going over and over and over the routine, but they also took the opportunity to get to know each other better. In between runs of the routine, they would ask a simple question that we all had to answer. What’s your favourite colour? (“Red” Y/N responded - Rosé’s was baby pink, Jisoo’s was green, Jennie’s was blue and Lisa’s was purple.) Favourite film? (She told them that it was Chicago and they all grinned, it turned out they all loved it as well.) Favourite song? (This question ended with a debate over whether Bohemian Rhapsody was as good as everyone usually thinks – Y/N, Lisa and Rosé all agreed that it was, Jisoo and Jennie disagreed) They would be spending a lot of time with each other so it was a good way to break the ice.

By one in the afternoon, the dancers were exhausted but the routine was looking good. Better than good, it was near perfect. They decided to break for lunch, before getting Y/N’s costume tailored and doing a tech run at the club. Together, they made their way back upstairs to get a quick shower each to rinse off the sweat before grabbing something to eat from the kitchen, talking and laughing as they did. Y/N didn’t know why they had been so intimidating to her before. Once they reached the kitchen, Y/N was awestruck yet again. The black tiled floors matched the black cabinets topped with a white marble worktop. The island lined with white bar stools in the middle of the kitchen was the same. It felt disturbingly modern compared to the rest of the house which had an aura of grandeur about it. She took a seat next to Lisa in front of the island, facing Rosé who had immediately started to prepare sandwiches for the girls to eat.

“Rosé loves to cook. She says that feeding us makes her happy, that it’s her way of saying she loves us.” Jennie said, resting her head in her hand. She gazed at Rosé as the chef hummed to herself. Y/N could see that Lisa had also noticed and was smirking at the sight. When the food was finished, the five sat in silence as they ate – too hungry to care about talking to one another.

“Come on, let’s go get your costume tailored.” Jisoo said with a smile once they all had empty plates.

“Okay, cool. Uhm do we need to take it to a seamstress or something?” Y/N asked and the girls giggled in response.

“No no, Y/N, I’m actually the in-house seamstress. We can get the costume tailored up in your room.” Jisoo told her and stood up, holding her hand out for Y/N to take.

Soon enough, Jennie, Lisa and Rosé (all with towels on their heads from using Y/N’s shower) were all lounged on the bed watching as Jisoo fluttered around Y/N placing pins here and there. The costume was huge and shapeless on her. According to Lisa, they always by the biggest size they possibly can for the costumes because it was easy to take fabric away than to add more to it. When Jisoo was finished, the costume would be perfectly tailored to Y/N’s body and wouldn’t fit on anybody else. Y/N was a little worried about the size of the waistband but Jisoo stated that there are elastic strips sewn into all their costumes and not to worry about it.

Once the sparkly costume was pinned, Y/N carefully shimmed out of it – trying not to get pricked by a pin. Lisa threw Y/N her dressing gown to cover herself up.

“Y/N, go have a quick wash whilst you’re waiting for me to sew up your costume.” Jisoo stated as she got to work sewing up the dress by hand. She did as she was told and headed into the en-suite. As soon as the door was shut, Y/N hopped into the shower and began to scrub off all the sweat. She couldn’t have been in there for more than ten minutes, but the warm water had soothed her aching muscles so much that she felt as though she had been asleep for hours. Just as she was drying herself, she heard the girls talking and instantly became intrigued as she heard her name.

“When do you think Yoongi will tell Y/N about-?” Rosé mused before she was interrupted

“Shut the fuck up, Ro. She can probably hear you from inside the bathroom.” Jennie stated. She wasn’t wrong.

“Shit, sorry.” Rosé lowered her voice “She deserves to know if she’s sleeping in the room next door to him.”

“Ro’s right Jen, she’s going to find out eventually.” Jisoo added

“Well, it’s not going to be from us.” Jennie argued, obviously nervous about the situation. The room went silent for a moment.

“It feels wrong though, her not knowing whilst living here.” Lisa broke the silence, sounding sad.

“I know. But it’s not our job to explain it to her. Once he tells her, we can help her get through it, of course. I know it’s shit but for now, keep it to yourself. No matter how much you don’t want to.” Jennie ended the conversation. Y/N took a moment before walking back into her bedroom, pretending that she hadn’t been eavesdropping.

The tech run went by faster than she could have imagined. Y/N was tired but excited by the time they had finished rehearsing; she knew she would need a drink, or two, before being able to dance for real later that night. Luckily for her, she now had a staff discount.

Jennie, Rosé, Lisa and Jisoo were all sat at the bar doing their makeup for the night, but Y/N was still stood on the stage. She had her eyes closed in thought, going over the routine again in her head – muttering the steps under her breath and marking them slightly with her body. Once she was certain that she would be fine she took a deep breath and stepped off the stage. Having her head down as she started to make her way over to the bar she didn’t notice the man walking towards her. They bumped into one another and both mumbled apologies before looking up to see each other. Y/N felt her heart twinge and tears form in the corners of her eyes.

“Jungkook?” she asked, not believing her eyes.

“Y/N?” the man asked, his own eyes playing tricks on him as well

“Jungkook!” She exclaimed and jumped into his arms. They immediately tightened around her waist and lifted her off the floor.

Jungkook and Y/N had grown up together, they were as thick as thieves. Best friends. Completely inseparable. Until he moved away. Y/N’s 13th birthday had just passed when they found out. Of course, after he left they tried to stay in touch but ultimately lost contact when his mother, his only relative that he knew of, mysteriously disappeared. That was when Yoongi found him. She hadn’t heard from him since she was 15 and had slowly let him go. But seeing him again after 7 years was like a punch to the gut. He had changed so much - he was a lot taller, more muscley, his jawline could cut glass. No longer a boy, but a man. He was breathtakingly handsome. Yet, in his eyes, Y/N could still see that boy she had loved.

“Fuck, Y/N…” he mumbled into her shoulder as he put her down. “What are you doing here?” He asked checking over her, checking to see if she was okay with a hint of panic in his eyes.

“I work here now.” She responded giggling at his sudden panic and confusion. His eyes widened.

“What?”

“I’m a new dancer…?”

He stiffened.

By now the other dancers were watching, perplexed as they did so.

“Y/N, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” He said, trying not to completely freak out. How is she here?! I’m going to kill Yoongi for this…

“Of course. You know how much I love performing and due to my being evicted, Yoongi has even given me a place to stay in his ‘house’ if you can even call it that it’s huge-” she rambled completely oblivious to the fury growing on Jungkooks’ face as he looked over her shoulder towards his Boss, who was sitting and staring at the pair from his booth. “Wait, why are you here?”

That snapped him out of his glaring contest. Shit.

“Oh, well, I uh…” he scratched the nape of his neck trying to find the right words “I work for Yoongi.”

“Oh…”

“Y/N,” he pulled her close to whisper in her ear “You need to be careful. Promise me you won’t get in over your head.” No response. He tightened his grip on her once more. “Y/N. Promise.”

“I promise.”

He let out a breath and loosened his grip on her, but she only wrapped her arms around him again.

“I missed you.” She whispered into his chest.

“I missed you too.”

A throat was cleared from beside them. Yoongi. They quickly detached.

“Y/N, don’t you need to be preparing for your debut?” Yoongi said dryly, seething as he stroked her cheek softly. The icy glare he then gave Jungkook was enough to make her weak but the man on the receiving end didn’t seem affected.

“Yes, Sir.” Y/N quickly responded, blushing as she did out of embarrassment. Jungkook looked slightly stunned by her words but quickly covered it. Jungkook winked at Y/N, leaving her to blush by his Boss’ side, before rounding her and heading towards the back of the club.

[meggiebrick]

I was tagged by @swishandflickwit, yay! But this is hard to read because the questions won't bold. And now I have to go make lunch for my gremlins, so I can't tag anyone. So if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged, cause I want to know ALL OF YOU

1. Have you ever been in love? Yes :) I've been letting this one guy hang around for the past 15 years and we're married and stuff, and I still like him almost all of the time, so I THINK I'll keep letting him hang around. :)

2. Who is your favorite artist? My uncle Mike. He truly is a wonderful artist, but I think I like his work the most because he paints things and people and places I know and love.

3. What is your favorite music genre? That's impossible to choose! I truly like everything depending on my mood. Except for screaming death metal.

4. Have you ever had a penpal? You know, I think I did! In like 2nd grade or something.

5. Are you single or in a relationship? I'm extremely married.

6. What is your favorite word? Serendipity

7. What color are your eyes? Blue

8. Do you play any instruments? No but I SO wish I did. But I have spatial issues due to dyscalculia and I have pretty much zero rhythm.

9. What is your favorite color? Purple.

10. Do you have any nicknames? Nothing exciting. Megs, Meggie, etc.

11. what is your favorite flower? Lilacs

12. what qualities do you find attractive in a person? Ugh, I hate it sometimes but I'm a sucker for the quiet brooding type. It honestly makes my life difficult but it is what it is. I blame early exposure to Mr. Darcy.

13. Do you have any pets? A dog, a bearded dragon, and 4 guinea pigs.

14. Have you ever traveled outside of your home country? Just to Canada

15. What language(s) do you speak? Just English. American and British ;)

16. Who was your first crush? I think a boy named John in kindergarten

17. What is your favorite pastry? Anything gluten free :(

18. Do you wear glasses? Contacts

19. Do you prefer swimming in a pool or in the ocean? Lakes, but of those two I guess I'd pick the ocean. I hate pools.

20. What is your favorite social media app? Ooooh probably Twitter? But maybe that's because I don't have one right now and I miss it. I had to delete it because of a creeper and it was this whole THING and now I'm locked out for a week or so. Dumb.

21. What is your sexuality? Jason Beghe's voice

22. Bright, dark, or pastel colors? It really depends! I guess, gun to my head, I would pick bright?

23. Do you have any siblings? One older brother

24. What is your favorite scent? Lilac. But I love mint too, especially mixed with rosemary. Or, ooh, the smell of my husband in a white t-shirt just out of the laundry.

25. Where do you want to travel to? Everywhere. Anywhere!

26. What is your favorite film? So, so many. But if I have to pick, Manchester by the Sea. I don't know why.

27. Who do people say you look like? Most often Pauley Perrette.

28. Who is your best friend? She doesn't have Tumblr, but we've been BFF since we were eight. She lives a thousand miles away now and sometimes we still cry because we miss each other, even though it's been over five years since she moved.

29. What is your dream job? To be an author. That's always been the dream. Maybe someday! For the first time in about a decade, I feel like I can do it again.

30. Do you know how to drive? I honestly don't! So embarrassing, since where I live most people my age have been driving for twenty years. It's those pesky spatial issues again :/ I'm hoping with visual therapy to strengthen those skills I'll be able to someday.

31. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Two of my English teachers in high school. Oddly, they were both named James. One liked me a lot, and I liked him a lot. One really didn't like me at all, and it was mutual. However I respected them both a great deal, and the one who didn't like me once told me I was the most talented writer he'd ever had. It meant so, so much to me because I could tell he didn't even want to say it.

32. Are you a feminist? Who isn't?!

32. What is your zodiac sign? Taurus. And I'm SUCH a Taurus tbh.

33. Do you enjoy reading? I am so in love with it.

34. Do you have any hidden talents? I am strangely good at trivia. In person I come off as very flakey and bubbly and ditzy, so it's funny when random knowledge comes into play. It really surprises people. One of my friends calls it my "sneak attack, motherfuckers, I'm a genius" move. LOL! I'm not, though, I just remember large amounts of BS. It's not useful in any way.

35. Have you ever dyed your hair? Too many times to count.

36. what is your favorite thing in your bedroom? The silence! And all my pillows.

37. Can you whistle? Not like, a tune. But I can get someone's attention or call a dog.

38. What is your biggest fear? Burning to death. Or, of course, bad things happening to the people I love.

39. Do you make your bed every day? No. It's about 50/50.

40. Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings? Ears, but I haven't worn earrings in years. I want so many tattoos but I'm a big baby.

41. Have you ever been on a roller coaster? Yes, a surprising amount considering I don't like them much!

42. surfing or skateboarding? I can't do either but I'd love to be able to surf.

43. Are you a dog or a cat person? Dogs! Love em. Cats are okay too, but I don't like them as much.

44. what is your favorite animal? Giraffes, seahorses, dogs, guinea pigs...

45. Do you have a skincare routine? No but I should

46. What time do you typically go to bed at and what time do you wake up at? Ugh, I am TERRIBLE. I'm naturally a night owl, like it is TORTUROUS to me to be woken early. Ideally I'd go to sleep around 6 in the morning and wake up at 2 p.m. As is I usually go to sleep anywhere from 1 to 4 a.m. and wake up anywhere from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. depending on everyone's schedule for the day. It's SO bad and I really need to get better, but it's so unnatural for me to sleep at night. My body actively fights it and always has. I'm trying to retrain myself to just go to sleep when it's still p.m. at night, but it's not going well.

47. what is your favorite memory? I have so many. Of course the important ones involving my husband and kids, but I love when my best friends and I are just sitting around and we'll say "remember that time..." and then a few minutes later we're laughing hysterically.

48. What is the best gift you’ve ever received? When my family and I were really struggling, I didn't want to talk about it much. But somehow a group of women I've never met (but have talked to for years on Facebook) realized what was going on and sent us $300. It paid some bills and the rest went on groceries but knowing that they cared... I'll never, ever forget that.

49. How tall are you? 5'7"

50. Do you have a garden? In the American sense, like a bed of flowers or vegetables, no. In the English sense, like a yard, yes. A big one.

51. Do you like bugs? Some! I HATE mosquitoes and wasps though.

52. What is your natural hair color? Dark (ish) brown.

53. What is your favorite food and drink? Any form of potatoes and... Hmm... Diet Coke or cranberry juice. Or really really cold water with crushed ice.

54. Do you want kids? no, how do you think I should tell the three I already have?! LOL. Yes. I've always wanted them, impossible though they are. I think I'd like two more, but we'll see.

55. What is/was your favorite class? English. I loved Native American studies in college, too.

56. what color shirt are you wearing? Green.

57. If you could time travel, what year would you go to and why? I don't know. I used to always want to go back to James Herriot era England but the war would have been so sad and hard. I think we romanticize it now, but it wouldn't have been good. Still, though, I think I'd like it. Or I'd relive the 90s again. We didn't know how good we had it.

58. What is your skin color? Peach, I guess. I'm pretty pale in the winter and tan up in the summer even though I try to remember sun block.

59. Hugs or kisses? Both

60. Have you ever drank alcohol? AbsoLUTELY

61. netflix or youtube? Ooh that's tough! Um....i can't choose!

62. Have you ever done drugs? Just pot

63. Ice cream or frozen yogurt? Ice cream. I wish I had some now.

64. Succulents or flowers? Flowers!

[cheemers-writing-archive]

Crusader of Life 2: Chapter 2

“Jotaro! Hey, Jotaro!” Lily called. The man turned to her voice, and waved at her as she ran across the street to catch up with him.

“Where’s Kakyoin?” he asked.

“Keeping watch over Emily,” Lily answered. “Did you sort everything out with Josuke?”

“I did,” Jotaro nodded. “Strangely, he started apologizing for causing chaos in the family. I was prepared to take a hit intended for the old man. I also told him about Angelo.”

“And how did he take that information?”

“Pretty well, actually. He didn’t freak out, but he also didn’t just brush it off like nothing.”

“Did you figure anything out about him? Like, his personality?”

“He’s a pretty passive guy, except for when you insult his hair. Then he goes berserk.”

“Huh.”

“Well, I’m going to check into the hotel. I’ll see you around.”

“You too.”

And with that, the two went their separate ways.

***

“Come on, Emily,” Kakyoin cooed. “It’s time for a nap.”

“I don’t wanna!” she screamed. “I don’t! I don’t!” Walking on Sunshine started to materialize behind her.

“Emily,” Kakyoin said sternly, grabbing onto Sunshine’s wrist with Hierophant, “it’s time for a nap.”

“Yessir,” Emily said quickly, crawling into bed.

“Goodnight, sweetie,” Kakyoin kissed the little girl’s forehead.

“Night night, Daddy,” Emily yawned, drifting off to sleep. When she was completely out, Kakyoin sighed.

“This girl is wearing me out,” he mumbled to himself. “Maybe I should’ve let Lily take care of her.”

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. “It’s Jotaro.”

“I got it!” Kakyoin said. He unlocked the door and let Jotaro in. “Lily was looking for you, actually.”

“I passed by her on the way here,” Jotaro replied.

“Ah, I see. Any luck as to where Angelo is?”

“Nothing, so far, but we just got here.”

“True, true.”

“Well, good luck with the kid. I’ve got to get back to Stand user hunting. I just wanted to check in with you before I went out again.”

“Thank you, and good luck with that, too.”

As soon as Jotaro left the room, Emily asked her dad, “Who was that?”

“That’s Jotaro,” Kakyoin answered her. “He’s a friend of mine. Now, you’ve gotta get some sleep, or your naptime will be longer today.”

“Okay,” Emily said, “but can you tell me a story first? The one about Egypt?”

“Okay,” Kakyoin chuckled. “But only if you promise to go right to sleep afterward.”

***

Koichi was walking home when he saw Lily strolling along the sidewalk. Apparently, she saw him, too, and called his name.

“Koichi! Hey!”

“Hi, Mrs. Kakyoin,” Koichi replied.

“Please, just Lily,” she laughed. “How was your first day of high school?”

“It was pretty good,” he said. “Apparently Josuke and I are in the same class. He actually introduced himself to me.”

“Yo! Koichi!” Josuke came running down the streets.

“Speak of the Devil,” Lily muttered.

“Hey, Josuke!” Koichi called. “Have you met Lily yet? She’s a friend of Jotaro’s.”

“Jotaro’s friend, huh?” Josuke asked, and held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“You too,” Lily greeted. “I’ve been told that you already know what’s happening with Angelo.”

“I do,” Josuke answered. “To be honest, it’s a little scary. A murderer, in my hometown?” He shivered. “I don’t like thinking about that.”

“Well, don’t worry about a thing,” Lily told him. “Jotaro, Noriaki, and I have got it covered.”

Suddenly, police sirens blared from behind them, and headed in their direction, whizzing past.

“Looks like there’s trouble,” Koichi said. “Do you want to follow the cars and see it?”

“Sure,” Josuke replied. “What about you, Lily?”

“Well, my Stand could probably take care of any victims,” she answered. “Sure! Let’s go!”

And with that, the three chased after the police cars.

“Wait, your Stand?” Josuke finally processed what Lily had said.

“Yes,” Lily laughed. “It’s called Ace of Pentacles, and it can duplicate anything that has life. That means I can stitch together open wounds in a person’s body if they get injured.”

“What a coincidence!” Josuke said. “Mine can heal people, too!”

What? Lily thought. This kid just nullified half of my usefulness! But maybe it’s not as quick as mine. “How long does the pain last?”

“Doesn’t last that long at all, actually,” Josuke answered.

“How easy is it to fix someone?”

“Usually just a simple touch from Crazy Diamond. Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” This guy just replaced me! I’m no longer the healer of the group! “Oh, would you look at the time! Little Emily must be waking up! I should be on my way!”

“See ya, Lily!” Koichi called out.

“You, too! Bye!”

When Lily was out of sight, she started groaning. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said to herself.

“What’s the matter?” Jotaro asked. Lily hadn’t noticed him there.

“Josuke’s Stand has healing properties, and they work faster and more efficiently than mine.”

“Jealous?”

“Of course I am!”

“Don’t be. You can make two of him. That’s something he can’t do.”

“I guess you’re right,” Lily sighed. “Still, all I mostly did was heal others back in our glory days.”

“You also saved multiple innocent people on many different occasions from enemies.”

“Yeah. Well, I’m going back to the hotel. Time for Noriaki and I to switch out. Bye!”

“Bye,” Jotaro repeated.

***

“You won’t believe it, Noriaki, you just won’t believe it,” Lily came into the hotel room already ranting.

“What will I not believe?” Kakyoin asked.

“Josuke has a Stand with healing powers,” Lily groaned.

“Are they better than yours?”

“Much better.”

“Mommy!” Emily ran to her mom.

“Hey, Emily!” Lily bent down and let the small girl run straight into her arms. “How was your day?”

“It was great!” Emily said. “Me and Daddy had a contest to see who could go higher!”

Lily looked at Kakyoin. “What does she mean?”

“I held her up with Hierophant, and she lifted me up with Walking on Sunshine.”

“I see,” Lily nodded.

“So, this Josuke kid?”

“It’s unbelievable! Just unbelievable!” At this point, Lily was joking around. “I can’t believe HIS Stand had the audacity to copy MY power!”

“Don’t be jealous, Lily,” Kakyoin laughed. “After all, the healing was your creativity. If we ever have a problem with a possession-type Stand, you’ll be the one to save us.”

“That’s what Jotaro told me,” Lily chuckled. “At this point, that’s all I’ll be good for.”

“Mommy,” Emily looked up into Lily’s eyes, “what are we having for dinner?”

“I think we should go out,” Kakyoin patted the little girl’s head. “What do you think?”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Lily picked Emily up, and started carrying her out the door. “We’re going out to eat tonight!”

“Yay!” Emily could barely contain her excitement, which is never good for a young Stand user who barely has control over their powers. The two parents started flying up in the air, and Kakyoin had to grab onto the vases and paintings decorating the hallway with Hierophant.

“Emily,” Lily urged, “you have to calm down, baby.”

Emily quickly realized everything around her was floating around, and let Sunshine’s grasp go, sending everything straight down. It was a good thing Kakyoin had caught them, or they’d have some big bills to pay.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Lily consoled. “That’s what we’re here for. To help you control your Stand. Now, how about we go get that dinner?”

***

Lily’s eyes were slowly cracking open, expecting a bright morning sun. Instead, she was greeted with a full moon. She checked the time on her alarm. 3:30. What could have possibly woken me up this early? she wondered.

“Mommy!” Emily’s wails were heard from the other room. “Daddy! Help me!”

Oh.

“Noriaki,” Lily said groggily, nudging him awake. “Noriaki.”

“What is it?” Kakyoin yawned.

“Emily’s crying in the other room. Very hard.”

Kakyoin sighed. “I’ll get Hierophant ready.”

The two opened the door, and saw everything flying all over the place, almost tornado-like. Little by little, Hierophant Green grabbed the floating debris, and made a walkway for Lily to get to the fretting girl. She was lifted up, too, but she made her way to Emily thanks to a tentacle from Kakyoin.

“Oh, baby,” Lily cooed, hugging the little girl tightly. “What’s the matter, Emily?”

“I, I, I, I had a bad dre-e-eam,” Emily bawled.

“Oh, poor girl,” Lily comforted her, stroking her hair and letting the storm roll on around her. “I promise nothing will happen to you. The dream wasn’t real. You’re safe here, I promise you. You’re okay, you’re okay.”

Slowly but surely, the tornado of objects wasn’t whirling around the room as fast, and the objects were getting closer and closer to the ground until everything was either completely still or being put back in its place by Kakyoin.

“There we go,” Lily set the girl back down on her bed, and handed her her favorite stuffed animal. “Want Mister Bear to make you feel better?”

“Yes, please,” Emily sniffled, grabbing the teddy bear from her mother’s grasp.

“Crisis solved,” Kakyoin whispered as the two closed the door to Emily’s room. Now for their good night’s sleep.

***

“Lily,” Jotaro’s voice seemed to be coming from a dream. “Lily!”

“I’m fine, Jotaro, just focus on Dio.”

“Lily, wake up!”

The woman jerked up, breathing heavily, then looked to her side.

“Ah! How did you get in here?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have Josuke fix the door later.”

“That kid can fix inanimate objects, too?” Lily groaned. “Why’d you wake me up, anyway?”

“Because there’s one thing that you can do that Josuke can’t, and that’s deal with possession type Stands.”

Lily stared in awe at Jotaro. “You’re serious?”

“Am I ever not serious? Now, if you don’t want anyone dying, I suggest you get dressed and get in the car right away! We’ve got a murderer to catch!”

[tiredstarryeyes]

2011

This is incredibly long overdue. I’ve been meaning to post this for a while now, but fear has always stopped me. It’s a relief to finally feel and hear my voice, regardless if it’s only in written form. Warning: Mention of DV, suicidal thoughts, and depression. 

When I was 18, I had a roommate that was in a physically violent relationship. I heard, and at times witnessed these acts, for roughly a year and a half.

I had just moved to Sydney to start my journey as an Actor, and I was scared shitless, broke as hell, and so naive it was pathetic. After a mere few weeks, I was all of sudden thrown into the deep end of adulthood, and faced with the choice of standing up for myself and this victim. It really didn’t hit me at first. The weight of what was really going on. It’s a part of my life that I’ve not talked about, a trauma that eventually chipped away at my psyche, and turned my mental state into mush. It’s safe to say because of this, I now have a love-hate relationship with my past, as it’s something that I will always be in therapy for, but I’m not ashamed to admit the struggle. I’m not the only one in this world who has been through something like this, and definitely not the only one who has been through depression and trauma.

The reason I stayed, was because coming home and starting again, would mean that I had failed. My biggest fear in life. I had planned to move out of home since I was 15. Worked at a crappy part time job for over 3 years and saved every penny I made. People at the bank knew me by my first name, praising me for being so diligent with my money. I auditioned for a school and got in, so did my best friend at the time with hers, respectively. Everything about the plan was put into motion, and then here we were, ready to start our new lives. Thinking back on it, I was just young and dumb and selfish, yet understandably, I was also in shock. Having been so isolated and protected from the harsh realities of the world, then immediately faced with this type of responsibility, I simply could not cope. I’m ashamed to admit I sat in mostly stunned silence until it was over, then just went to sleep. I remember everyone waking up the next morning, exchanging awkward small talk, ignoring the bruises, and pretending nothing had happened. The repercussions of telling my family, and sticking up for myself and this girl all at once, stuffing up my best friends plans as well, was seemingly too much to bare. I had no experience in the latter, so I drowned within the uncertainty of it all. I think I was in denial as well, but I really had no idea what to do, so I simply did nothing.

Sadly, because of this, all good memories of my first apartment, my early 20’s, and living out of home for the first time, are tainted with sounds of screams. 

Before I sound like more of a wet blanket, I know that everything happens for a reason, and I’ve made this part of my journey the reason for my strength and resilience, and that’s something to be proud of. 

As they they say with trauma, the mind may forget, but the body doesn’t. The PTSD, PTD, anxiety, depression, and emotional triggers that came from this experience, didn’t just go away once I left. Doors were slammed in my face, things were thrown, people were slapped and beaten, furniture was pulled to pieces. It took five years to talk about it without crying, and I still do to this day at times. It’s a trigger for so many things, and I still feel guilty over it. I think I always will to an extent, and I’ve had to work really hard to be at peace with that. If it had affected me this badly to just see and hear it, I can’t imagine what internal struggle and pain was inflicted to the person at the other end of those fists. The aftermath seamed worse than the actual event, and that was a hard thing to accept. I walked around angry for too many years. Too much time wasted hating the world for what was happening to her, how I couldn’t just get over it once I finally bit the bullet and crawled back home. Rather than enjoying my life, like so many people told me to do, I know I let the experience, and my reaction to it, rob those years from me. 

I eventually did call the police after a few months, though.

I asked her one morning if she was scared. She said yes. So I kept going with the questions. I asked her if she wanted it to be over. She said yes. I asked her if she wanted to leave this person. She said yes. I asked her if she was afraid. She said yes. I asked her how long it had been happening. It was way longer than I expected or could wrap my head around. I told her that I had heard everything and that I was scared too. She said she was sorry and we both hugged and cried and fell to the floor. I’ll never forget that moment. Two bits of broken pieces finding each other on dirty carpet. A mess of feelings. Both numb and drained at the environment we were in, feeling stuck and desperate to get out. I made a pact with her and told her to scream for me next time things got heated, and when she did, I ran in and got her just as I had promised. We waited in the dark and I called the police. A few weeks passed, and we went to court. I was standing there in front of the double doors, ready to go in, my scripts clutched to my chest for the acting class I’d have to attend afterwards, (because I moved to Sydney to become an Actor, and a court hearing wasn’t going to stop me. That was my thinking process while in the midst of losing my god damn mind, naturally.) standing there willing to testify for what was right, was one of the scariest moments of my life, staring at the judge in the court room, full of other people who didn't give a shit if I was having a meltdown or not, including the police officers, though are we surprised?  

Then, sadly, nothing really came of it. Except my $30 check for making an appearance. The officer then gave me their business card and told me to send them an email if I needed anything. Like a fucking email was going to stop someone from getting beaten up? But lol ok you do you boo.

Relationships like that are messy and complicated and don’t make sense unless you’re in it. I get it now in retrospect, as I’ve put up with bad behaviour and my fair share of narcissism from men, so I get how hard it is to break things off. 

Boy, do I get it. 

I’ve spent the last 9 years of my life putting myself through therapy because of what I didn’t do, because I didn’t reach out, living in fear. When I couldn’t stop ruminating over the guilt and self loathing and self pity of not making better choices, not feeling I was smart enough, good enough, worthy enough of anything in life because I let this happen. 

One night, thinking about what happened in that room, I drank too much wine, blacked out, and told my doctor I wanted to go on antidepressants the following morning. I was sick and tired of not feeling like these thoughts were coming from my own brain. It didn’t feel like mine and I didn’t feel like me. I was on them for 8 months.

I can’t deny I’ve never thought about not being here either. What this world, my family, or what my friends would do if I were suddenly no longer here, had started to cross my mind a lot in those days. I don’t have those thoughts anymore, but I have had them clear as day, and it has to be said.

I remember the moment it felt like my thoughts were finally back to how they were before it all happened. That moment in the movie when the character is called too adventure, before it all goes to shit? That alive, happy person full of hope and ambition. I wanted to be her again, and I finally started to recognise the old me in this moment. 

I remember breaking down in the shower at the gym, during the fourth day of taking Citalopram. Sobbing happy tears because I finally recognised this thing in my head that was making me think and navigate my consciousness again. Like I had woken up from a bad dream. I literally felt the imbalance of chemicals changing over in my brain, re-wiring itself so I could finally function again. 

This memory, is why I am who I am, and I wear my mental illness that at times seams non existent, but at other times is emotionally and physically debilitating, really fucking proudly, and everyone else can as well. Apparently 1 in 7 people in Australia suffer from depression sometime in their life, so this is not a rare occurrence, just a rare conversation topic to be had because of the stigma against mental illness. 

It’s 2020. Let’s change that. 

I write this because these dark parts are the realest, rawest bits of myself that I relate too more than anything else. They give me strength and drive and motivate me to always do better for my past self who hated herself too much. 

Also, not a lot of people may fully understand the fact that I have depression and anxiety, without really knowing the extent, nor how it came about. I guess it’s because I lost my younger years to this very rough and draining experience, so I think I’ll always appear young at heart and seam more innocent and plain than I actually am, as I’ll always feel like I need to make up for all that lost time. Watching everyone else live through their early 20′s so positively. Because I never did, and this may possibly be my anxiety talking, it may affect how people perceive me. In the Acting world, seaming younger than I am has worked to my advantage, but in reality, people may misunderstand and judge me for it, too. I just hope this post will help make people understand why I have not had certain experiences, and to not judge other people if they have been through the same. There is always more to a person. To sound cheesy as fuck, we are all just the tips of the Icebergs above the water, and you may never know what's been endured beneath the surface of someone, or why they are only showing you certain parts of themselves because there’s not a simple answer for it, and that’s not a bad thing. They are not lazy, boring, or inexperienced. I am not an open book, and I don’t care if you can’t find the patience to try and understand why. 

Depression, to me, feels like this:

It’s like a dark storm cloud that follows you over your shoulders everyday. I can’t sense it on the good days. But, when it’s there, I struggle to see through the fog and it’s like I’m suffocating or choking. When it’s triggered and starts to rumble, all of a sudden you can feel it tingling down your spine. It’s similar to a foreboding like feeling that is all encompassing and knocks you around, mentally and physically. It’s like a presence that gets more difficult and heavy the longer I ignore it. I usually have an inkling that something has been triggered, even if it’s not obvious right away, and I soon come to know that I have some work to do for myself over the following weeks when I have this certain feeling.

If I don’t have the time to reflect however, (in my case, I was filming for my first TV show a few months ago, and didn’t want to focus on anything but the work, and boy did I pay for it afterwards) the storm always becomes louder and I become more lethargic or more sensitive or angry, and it feels like my limbs are constantly dragging me towards the ground. I’m exhausted when I wake up because my anxiety hits me at night and I can’t sleep. And then the cycle repeats itself and I am, a mess. It can be a very temperamental thing when you’re out of your routine. It’s also hard sometimes to differentiate between having off days and feeling down, which is fine, but then if I’m waking up and realising it’s been a week and I can’t stop crying, that’s a warning sign I’m on the precipice of an episode. I know then that this is the beginning of just a bad few weeks, and I need to figure out how to get out of this dark place in my mind. 

The last few months, it’s been my anxiety that’s gone and unsettled me to my core, and after a few sessions of therapy, some Valium, keeping my boundaries up, I’ve mentally been able to reset myself, and can look at life more clearly for what it is. 

This year has been stressful for the entire planet, but I think it was probably a mixture of self doubt, paranoia, staring at the age of 30, maybe, and feeling more isolated than I actually am because of covid. Many reasons I’m sure I’ll figure out later, but I stopped crying a few weeks ago, and don’t feel down anymore, so it’s going to be a good month rather than a hectic one. There’s also a lot to look forward to as well now, and positive thinking is feeling less like a chore. (You know you’re out of the storm when feeling happy ain’t draining! Am I right!)

One thing that has helped is the BLM movement here in Aus, and connecting more to my heritage. Unpacking my childhood in relation to that is going to take a bit more strength, but I know more about my people at this point in my life then I ever have before, and it’s helped shaped my identity and made me feel more closer to myself. I know now, it may always feel like there are missing links to an eternal puzzle that may never be completely put together, or understood. But, I know that's not my fault. It’s because of what this country did to my people. Their voices were taken, their lives erased and destroyed, and thus, were not given to me to learn about and pass on like other generations had the privilege of doing. 

I feel like we are louder and stronger than ever before, but that’s probably because we have had no choice and have never given up. 

At times, all I can do is read about them online, listen to my friends stories who have lived with culture around them, watch our movies, read our books, and feel something I cannot name. That’s not to say I have not experienced racism. I have, and do and always will, and I already feel fear for my future children because it is inevitable. But, I find comfort from the fact that I know this essence of myself has been, and is always going to be there inside me to help make me strong. No matter who I am or what I become, my Aboriginal identity will always be something I can treasure and protect and claim no matter what someone may think of me. I can talk to my ancestors however I want, defend my people whenever I want, because it is no one else’s journey but my own.

[hotdogjumpingfrog5]

It’s Strange - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: One

~

Nancy realized she hadn’t hung out with Johnathan and Steve during lunch since Friday. It was now Tuesday. They probably miss her by now. She had completely forgotten about them altogether, unless outside of school, Nancy had been spending the last few days with Emma. Nancy had been telling them she had something to study for, as her excuse. Even though it’s been a few days, she felt she needed to go back to hanging with them during lunch and stuff. Nancy was thinking she should probably introduce her to Johnathan and Steve, considering she was relatively new, and the fact they were starting to know each other. “So, I was thinking, maybe tomorrow would you like to come to the cafeteria and meet my other friends?” Nancy asked Emma accepted, and was slightly nervous too. What if they know about those rumours going around about me? Emma would think, what if they’re not going to like me? Or think I’m strange? The bell rang, and they both went their separate ways off to class. ~ Emma came home later that day, somewhat more relaxed than normal. “How was your day?” her mom would ask, “You look very content.” “I am.” she smiled, “I’ve been speaking to people.” “Well that’s good,” said her mother, “Coming out of your shell, are you?” “Guess you could say that.” Emma chuckled “Who would wanna be around you?” Lucy sneered, “Public school is full of chavs.” Their mom gave Lucy a look Lucy turned away, sighing. “Grow up.” Emma muttered under her breath “Emma…” their mom said calmly She also turned away, away from the sight of her older sister. The two weren’t fond of each other, and Lucy would sometimes criticize the fact Emma went to a public school, unlike herself. Hundredths of millions of people go to public school, piss off Lucy. Emma thought, You’re in college now, what the fuck you think you’re getting on with? You’re 19, get a grip. Not only was Lucy a bossy sister, who acted like their mum even though she was only two years older, but she was still not adjusted to this whole moving from England to Maine, she had to leave her friends and stuff, and that explained part of the reason Lucy was bitter. ~

The next morning, Nancy and Emma decided they were going to catch the bus today, and considering Joyce had borrowed Johnathan’s car for the day. She walks up to the Wheeler’s house, and knocks on the front door. A kid with rather thick glasses opens the door. “Who are you?” Richie scoffs “Your worst nightmare.” Emma replies, and Richie runs off into the other room. Nancy walks out from the kitchen five seconds later. “Oh don’t mind him, just one of my annoying twin brothers, Richie.” says Nancy She leads her into the kitchen, and says “And this is another one of my annoying twin brothers, Mike.” Mike rolls his eyes and says “Don’t you have anything else better to do than interrupt my breakfast?” “Eat somewhere else.” Nancy insists Mike huffs and scarfs down the rest of his cereal angrily, then left the kitchen. In comes in their much younger sister, Holly. “And this is Holly.” Nancy grins Holly looks at  for a few seconds, then whimpers, for whatever reason. Similar to the type of whimpering when she saw Eleven sneaking past the Wheelers back when Mike kept her hidden from them. That’s when Nancy remembered the number on Emma’s wrist. 007. She calls out to Mike, only to see him and Richie dash out the door, catching their separate busses. Nancy huffs, now she won’t be able to ask about Eleven until later. That’s who Emma reminded Nancy of. Eleven. They acted so similar, except Emma said more words, and they both appeared to have a number written on their wrist. There is no way this is a coincidence. Thought Nancy ~ When Nancy and Emma hopped off the bus, Nancy lead them to where Steve and Johnathan normally hang, which is by the bulletin board next to the side doors. As a matter of fact, almost right next to the same place where Nancy had first got a glimpse of Johnathan. She remembered seeing him with his head hung low, putting up a missing poster of Will. While her ex best friends made the most rude comments about Johnathan, Nancy looked past that and approached him that day, in attempt to comfort him. She couldn’t believe this all happened a year ago. Nancy now dating who her friends thought was an outcast, Steve even used to taunt Johnathan. A year later, they’re like brothers. “Hey.” says Nancy “Hey there.” Johnathan replies, giving her a hug “Who’s this?” Steve asks, looking at Emma Nancy introduces Emma to both Steve and Johnathan, and they both appear to like her as well. “So, are you from England?” Steve asks “Yeah, how could you tell?” Emma asks “That accent, I like it.” Steve smirks, “So, you’re new here?” “Guess you could say that,” she replies, “I came here late last year, in March.” Nancy and Johnathan both shared a similar expression to their faces. They had a feeling Steve was taking a slight interest in Emma. But she didn’t appear to feel the same way, or could tell for that matter. “Right,” says Emma, “Guess I’ll see you guys at lunch?” They all nodded and said their goodbyes, while she went to class. Johnathan looks at Nancy. “Hey, Nancy, does she remind you of someo-“ “Yes, that’s what I was going to tell you guys about.” she said “What do you guys notice -“ Steve asks, but then the bell rings Nancy could tell by the look on Johnathan and Steve’s faces that they were wanting to know, but Nancy assured them they would discuss it at lunch.

~

Bill Denbrough lay asleep in bed. He woke up to the sound of Mike Hanlon snoring. Bill looked over to his side, and saw that it was 3:15 am on Thursday morning. He also had a strange dream that night. He saw It. Nothing happened though, all It said to him was “I was this close to catching your brother. THIS CLOSE!” But then the dream abruptly ended, and Bill forgotten about that dream real quick. Mike was asleep on the floor, stayed over at Bill’s that night. The previous afternoon, Mike came over after school to keep an eye on Georgie, while Bill’s parents were at work, and Bill was undergoing speech therapy. Mike stayed over for dinner, and hung out with Bill for the evening. Mike was reluctant to go back home, he wasn’t in the mood to listen to his grandfather criticise him about not being in the butcher shop. Bill was reluctant at first, but then they decide Mike pretend he’s leaving, then crawl up through the window, without Bill’s parents’ knowledge. He knew they would kill him and lot let anyone into his room or even house, except for Georgie. Bill reflected on what happened a year earlier. He kept seeing another Georgie, an undead Georgie. He told his parents, but they only got mad and convinced him he was “crazy”. Georgie himself thought it was kind of funny. But Bill didn’t. He knew exactly what he saw that summer. Then, he heard it. “Bill! Come into the kitchen!” Georgie shouted. Why the fuck is Georgie yelling at 3 o’clock in the morning? Bill wondered, hearing that frightened the life out of him, especially being deep into thoughts. He wondered why their parents weren’t going out there telling him to go to bed. Bill jumped out of bed, confused. He slowly made his way by the staircase, then took a peek in Georgie’s room. Georgie was sound asleep in his bed. Bill’s eyes widened, and looked downstairs in horror. It was pitch black. “I said, come down in the kitchen!” Georgie’s voice was now insistant. Fuck, not this again! “Bill, what’s the matter?” the voice behind him made Bill yelp out in fear. “Mike, don’t s-s-scare me l-like that ag….ain! Can you h-h-hear that?” “Hear what?” Mike said, half asleep. “Can you keep it down, I’m trying to sleep.” Georgie came out, also half asleep “W-w-weren’t you d-downstairs?” Bill asked “No,” Georgie said, confused, “Stop being strange. If you and Mike don’t keep it down, I’m telling mom and dad you’re here.” Georgie promised not to tell their parents that Mike snuck back in. Both of their parents would be unlikely to see Mike, since they got up for work around five. “Fine. Bill, let’s go back to sleep.” Mike said, not wanting to get caught. Bill wasn’t sure he wanted to go to school the next morning, he was all of a sudden feeling sick. He wasn’t sure if it was from fright or something he ate for dinner, or both. ~ That same night, the Byers had woken up around 3:30 in the morning. Before, Will was awoken to the sound of voices. Voices he hadn’t heard in a long time. This was after he woke up from a strange dream. It’s been almost a year, and now he was dreaming about this. The upside down. All he could see in the dream, was a cold, dark, damp, isolated spot, far from everyone else. He saw a man in the dream. He couldn’t see his face. This scared him so much, he woke up. Will woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. He heard a voice. A strange voice. More than one now. More like whispers. He didn’t know who it was or where it was coming from. He looked around the room, paralysed with fear. “Mom? … Johnathan?” Will said, voice shaking. “Will…” said the voice He was too afraid to answer back. Then, out of nowhere, the man with no face appeared right in front of him. Will screamed. His mom and Johnathan awoken to the sound of their son and brother screaming. Confused and scared, they both ran out of their rooms, Joyce making it to his room first. By the time they got there, they were shocked. Will was completely out of it, his eyes were rolled to the back of his head. “Oh god,” Joyce gasped, “Johnathan, I think he’s having another seizure!” “Well what do we do? Bring him to the emergency room??” Jonathan asked, confused and scared. Their mom agreed, and they carried Will out to their car, making their way to the hospital. After an hour or so of waiting, Joyce was frantic. “So, what’s wrong with my son??” she asked “Looks like your child is going through what looks like severe epilepsy.” said the physician, “We may have to keep him here for another six hours, to undergo more tests.” Joyce saw that it was already 4:37 in the morning. “Johnathan, go back home. Take the car with you to school.” she said, and handed him the keys. “But mom, what about Will? What about you? I don’t know if I can -“ “Just go!” Joyce insisted Johnathan sighed, and made his way out the doors. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep that night. Johnathan laid awake in bed when he got back. It was now 5:08 am. He was worried about Will and his mom. How did their mom expect him to go off to school like that when they were both in hospital? Well, they said it would be another six hours. So maybe it won’t be too bad. Johnathan thought. He turned around, sighed, and closed his eyes. ~

Max looks out the window of the car, with the trees flashing before her eyes.

She looks to the left, and Billy, her rude as fuck step brother is going 40 km over the speed limit.

“The hell you think you’re looking at?” Billy says

Max rolls her eyes, and doesn’t respond.

“Thank god you now go to a private school. That way I don’t have the responsibility of bringing you back.” Billy says, now turning up into St. Peter’s parking lot.

Max steps out, and Billy speeds in the school zone.

Almost hitting a few third graders, and the principal yelling after him.

Max flipped the bird after him, as usual.

Max was already a week or two in, and she didn’t mind it. No one cared how you dressed, because everyone dressed the same in their uniforms. The age range goes from kindergarten to grade 12.

The only thing wrong was the fact she wasn’t with her friends from back in Hawkins. Some of the kids were snobby, especially this one kid who always called her out on weird shit.

She sat by the window on the second floor, right next to a marble statue of the Virgin Mary, watching other kids come into the school.

Max always kept to herself, she sat in this same spot every morning and lunch time, speaking to barely anyone. Not only was she a tad bit shy, but she couldn’t be bothered to interact with others, she never really fit in or had the same interests as the other kids.

No one could ever understand her like Lucas, Dustin, and the others. She missed seeing them every day, at the same time, she didn’t mind having alone time.

Besides, she was going to be seeing them this weekend anyways. And hopefully the others from Derry sometime. Mike and Richie brought everyone together, considering they were twins, and the fact they went to different schools.

Max reflected a bit on the last time she met with the Losers. Alongside from Lucas, she also mixed well with Stan and Ben.

“First, you hang with that black kid? Now a Jewish and fat kid? The hell’s wrong with you?” she remembered her stepbrother Billy saying “And TWINS,” he pointed at Mike and Richie, as well as Eddie and Ella. “And another kid who stole MY NAME. Fucking copycat.” he pointed at Bill Denbrough. “The zombie boy, that strange girl, toothless, that other black kid, whose family burned in hell. Good thing that Beverly slut is gone.” Billy said while pointing to every one of the losers and stranger kids. She remembers everyone keeping silent, not even Richie said anything, nor did Eleven bother to use telekinesis, that’s how scary Billy was. They were all angry on what he said about Beverly. How did he even know about those rumours? “Leave them and myself alone. I’ll find my own way home.” Max would say. She knew Lucas would give her a lift back. Billy chuckled, knowing he would be unable to take on all twelve of them. “You’re all a bunch of freaks!” he laughed, “You’re all going to die out here!!” Then, sped out of there.

“All alone now, are you?” a snaky voice interrupted Max’s thoughts.

She turns around and sees Kevin, that stupid rich kid who started picking on her

“What do you want, Kevin?” Max glared.

“How about do yourself a favour, and look like a girl, like everyone else in this damn school.” Kevin laughed.

“How about no?” Max said

“Jeez, you’re worse than my cousin, and he’s in public school, that explains why you don’t look so good, you came from Derry or Hawkins or whatever stupid school you came from.” Kevin sneered

Max looked back out the window, hoping he would just go away.

After a few seconds, he finally did.

~

Ben had woken up very early that morning, making his way to the library almost two hours before school started.

He got an early start on his history assignment, which wasn’t due for another two months.

As normal, he went in and collected a few books each time.

He was the only one in there, besides the librarian.

Ben glanced over at the staircase, which he hasn’t even thought about going near since he saw It. That mummy, or whatever It was.

Something caught his attention outside when he gazed out the window.

In the isolated road at 7 am, stood a man with a suit. Just staring in Ben’s direction.

From a far distance, he couldn’t see the man’s face. It appeared to be covered with something, but he just couldn’t tell. He wasn’t sure if this was some early Halloween joke, few days after the first day of fall.

Ben tried his best to ignore the figure, but he could feel the man’s gaze staring at him, from a few floors down.

Five or so minutes had passed, and the figure was still standing in the street, not moving.

The figure did something very odd, which sent goosebumps all over Ben’s body.

It waved.

“Ben..” he thought he heard the figure, or another voice say

He couldn’t help but inch closer to the window.

“Aren’t you going to say hello back?” said the voice.

Ben ran to the librarian’s office, and told her to go look

But by the time they got to the window, the man was gone.

She gave him a strange look.

“I could’ve sworn he was right there!” Ben said, panicked.

“I think you may have woken up a bit too early.” said the librarian.

The entire walk to school, Ben was confused on what he just saw.

He walked up to the losers, who were hanging outside. Everyone except Bill and Mike (who was homeschooled).

“Hey, where’s Bill?” he asked

“Sick,” said Stan, “He called my house this morning and said he wasn’t feeling well.”

Stan looked around at the rest of the Losers, and there was five there including himself.

“Guess this means I’m the leader for today.” Stan said

“I think my willy is the leader of this gang.” said Richie

Everyone in the group, of course, gave Richie the ‘That’s disgusting!’ look.

“Oh my god Richie you and your dick jokes!” says Eddie

Stan just stands there, shaking his head, then changed the subject.

“Right, so are you guys still coming over to study for that science test today?” Stan asked, looking at Ben and Ella

They both agreed.

“What time again?” Ella asks

“4:15, then Sunday at three.”

Ben was going to tell the about what he saw that morning, but was reluctant.

He couldn’t be bothered to this hour of the morning.

Maybe the librarian was right, Ben thought, maybe I did wake up too early. 

~

Next Chapter: Three