#I’ve got them separated into bags so I can keep track of everything lol

[the-shy-artisan]

Little update for the Beastos!

Making slow progress with cutting and shaving, there’s a lot of white pieces involved lol So they don’t look like much now, but soon they will start to take shape! c:

[forjongseong]

jealous // jay (ENHYPEN)

pairing: jay x fem!reader

genre: smut but it doesn't start until you're halfway in lol // warning: oral sex (i don't wanna spoil who's receiving), handjob, bathtub sex? the images on the header serve as spoilers! // wc: ~3.4k

summary: you attend the party of the year and you're lost because your boyfriend isn't there to keep you company. luckily you've got a surprise waiting at home.

author’s note: okay so if you're new to this account, hello! nice to meet you! i mainly write for Heeseung and Jay, but the list of Jay fics in my masterlist are more or less connected, in a sense that they are in the same universe. you can read them separately, it still makes sense, but if you want to read in chronological order, based on the released fics it goes: quiet > rolex > quality time > and then this one!

heads up, in this "universe" Y/N is Namjoon's ex and she has a good relationship with the other members, so you might be seeing a lot of mentions of him and appearances of the BTS members here and there.

it's a JUMP from the order of release that i follow, if you take a look at my masterlist, i have 6 titles lined up for Jay, but i literally started writing jealous a couple of hours ago, loved how it turned out, so i thought why not releasing it now to keep the momentum?

as always, i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it! it is definitely based on the jack in the box pre-release party that sort of haunted me and gave me anxiety because i am definitely not a party person lol

-------------------------------

It was almost midnight and the darkness of the sky outside was accentuated by the dim lights inside the party venue. Looking at the photo she just took at the photomatic box, Y/N swiftly slipped it inside her handbag before closing it again. Her steps were hesitant, knowing that loud music and dark rooms were very much not some of her favorite things.

Feeling her phone buzz, she took it out of her back pocket and saw that she got a text from Jay.

Sorry I can’t be of much help tonight. As soon as we’re done with schedules I am coming over.

Y/N replied with the face emoji full of hearts before locking her phone again and putting it in her pocket. She was now standing in a corner, scanning the whole room with her eyes, squinting because she couldn’t see and at the same time desperately looking for someone she might know.

“Oh, thank God you’re here.”

She almost jumped at the sudden voice behind her. When she turned around, Jin was standing there with a drink in his hands, looking genuinely relieved.

“Hi!” Y/N smiled and leaned in for a hug. Jin gently patted her back with his free hand. “What do you mean thank God?”

“Well,” Jin shifted his weight as fixed the bag he was carrying. “I’ve been here for like an hour, just hiding in a corner reading webtoons because the only person I know is my boss and producer.”

Y/N made a worried face. “The other members?”

Jin pointed to the center of the room with his chin. “They’re scattered around. I don’t see Yoongi though. But now that you’re here please keep me company. Unless you’re looking for someone?”

“Of course, I’ll keep you company, what the heck.”

With that, Jin immediately intertwined his arms with Y/N, dragging her to the booth where they can get drinks. He proceeded to tell Y/N absolutely everything going with his life, and Y/N was very happy to listen and share her thoughts with him. He would occasionally crack his favorite dad jokes and Y/N, relieved that she didn’t have to match the energy of the party, wholeheartedly laughed at each of them.

After losing track of time just talking to each other, Y/N caught someone waving from a distance. The person then started jumping because Y/N wasn’t responding, and because she still couldn’t make out who he was, he started jogging towards her.

“Noona, can you not see me? I’ve been waving at you forever,” Jungkook was panting at this point because of the endless dancing he had been doing with other people near the DJ’s booth.

“Sorry, Kookie,” Y/N leaned in to give him a quick side hug. “It’s dark and my eyesight isn’t the best.”

“Jungkook, are the other members even here?” asked Jin, now leaning on the wall, scanning the room again.

Jungkook shrugged. “I came with Jimin hyung, but I haven’t seen the others either,” Jungkook chugged down a drink he literally just got three seconds ago. “Noona, did you say hi to Hoseok hyung yet?”

Y/N tilted her head, unsure. “I don’t know, he seems very occupied.”

“Alright, I’ll go tell him that you’re here,” Jungkook flashed a smile and quickly dashed away from the two of them.

“Wait—Ah, whatever he’s gonna do what he wants,” Y/N sighed, turning back to face Jin as he was just chuckling at the sight.

Within seconds after Jungkook made it a mission to have Y/N greet Hoseok, the main character of the night made his way towards her. Y/N sighed, her shoulders slumped as she shook her head, speechless at the sight of his perfect appearance—perfect no-makeup makeup look, perfect outfit, perfect aura. Hoseok already had his arms stretched as he kept his eyes on Y/N, his smile wide and inviting.

“I wanted to look pretty tonight and you’re not making me feel pretty,” said Y/N, half shouting into Hoseok’s ear because the music suddenly got too loud. “Congratulations, bestie.”

“I’m so glad you made it!” Hoseok hugged Y/N a little too tighter than usual and Y/N almost squealed. “I’m sorry I’ve been too occupied to notice your arrival.”

“My arrival? Shut up, I’m not that important,” Y/N lightly punched Hoseok’s shoulder and he just grinned.

“You’re a friend of mine and my friends are important, okay,” Hoseok’s eyes were now practically gone caused by the smile he was drawing on his face. “The EN babies?” he asked, eyes suddenly open wide, questioning.

Y/N was sipping on her drink and she quickly swallowed to answer. “Oh, right, they’re promoting right now and they just have a lot on their plate so I don’t think they will show.”

Hoseok nodded. “No wonder the kids greeted me through text. Anyways, keep Jin hyung company?” Hoseok tilted his head, putting on his best puppy face.

“Of course,” Y/N smiled. As Hoseok left, Y/N mouthed ‘bye’ before turning to face Jin.

“Actually I’m gonna go,” Jin said, his face looking tired and also sorry.

“What?!” Y/N quickly put down the empty glass she was still holding. “But then who am I supposed to talk to? Should I just leave too?”

Before Jin could answer, he noticed a familiar figure approaching Y/N from behind.

“The answer is right behind you. Bye, Y/N! And thanks for keeping me company,” Jin smiled really wide before dashing out of the room, leaving Y/N no choice but to actually turn around.

The speed of her movement, however, was way too fast and she almost stumbled losing her balance. The figure in question quickly stabilized her by gently placing his hands under both her elbows.

“Careful,” said Namjoon. “The clumsy one should be me.”

Damn it, Jin. Y/N chuckled and leaned in to give Namjoon a hug.

“You’re here too,” Y/N said as she stepped back and turned to face the center of the room.

“I didn’t know you came. I literally saw you and Jin hyung in the background of someone’s Instagram stories so I just went to find you,” Namjoon said this while darting his eyes across the room as if he was trying to locate something. Then he set his eyes on Y/N. “Your all-black outfit makes it really hard to spot you.”

“Ah,” Y/N nodded understanding. “Mission accomplished, then. I really did not want to be found.”

There was silence for a while, not literally, because music was still playing, but for the longest time Namjoon was just looking at Y/N as she searched through the room again, hoping to come up with a valid excuse to leave the party. Meanwhile, Namjoon was trying to find the right words.

Namjoon straightened up and cleared his throat. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Y/N frowned. “What’s that?” She was looking at the dance floor but her head was already tilted towards Namjoon.

Instead of repeating the question, Namjoon’s breath hitched and as he tried to speak louder, the parade of three in front of him distracted him from everything.

“Namjoon, my man!!!”

It was a man and two other women that Y/N swore were famous, but she couldn’t name their names. She took this as the perfect opportunity to slip out and head over to a quieter corner.

Just as she was about to take her phone out, it started buzzing. She breathed a sigh of relief as she identified the caller and immediately put a hand over her mouth as she picked it up.

“Babe!” She shouted, trying to win over the loud music.

“Whoa, calm down,” Jay sounded startled on the other side of the phone. “You’re still at the party?”

“Obviously,” Y/N looked at Namjoon’s small group and noticed he was looking for her. When he spotted her, Y/N waved and made a sorry face, pointing to her phone. “I really need to find an excuse to leave.”

“Hmmm,” Jay sounded like he was pacing back and forth. “How about your boyfriend is waiting for you at home?”

“You’re home?” Y/N asked back, surprised.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind I let myself in. I texted you like twenty times but you seem occupied.”

“It’s alright, babe,” Jay stretched and let out a yawn. “Anyway, I’ll be here.”

Y/N pulled her phone away for a second to look at the notifications. “I’m sorry. I was busy keeping Jin company.”

“I’ll be there. Leaving now,” Y/N ended the call just as she heard Jay laughing.

Namjoon approached Y/N as soon as she put her phone away.

“Duty calls?” he asked, smiling.

Y/N paused for a second. “Yes, sorry. I’m so beat anyways.  Give a big hug to Hoseok for me? And the other guys too.”

Namjoon nodded. Y/N grinned and waved before she left. Namjoon then decided to turn around and rejoin the party.

---

When Y/N texted Jay that she was five minutes away, he immediately started getting busy. From lightly tidying up the living room, washing the one plate and one mug that was dirty, to drawing a bath, he managed to get everything done just right before Y/N arrived.

“What’s that sound?” Y/N asked as she let herself in, taking her shoes and bag off. “Are you going to take a bath?”

“I’m drawing you a bath,” Jay said nonchalantly, helping Y/N take off her jacket.

Y/N merely blinked when Jay positioned himself right in front of her. Jay’s eyes were full of questions.

“What do you want?” Y/N asked, squinting her eyes, acting suspicious.

Jay laughed and pulled Y/N into his arms, completely wrapping her. “You sound tired.”

“You’re acting suspicious.”

“Really? I’m doing the bare minimum.”

“Bare minimum? This is extra.”

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Jay pulled away and held on to Y/N’s shoulders, shaking her. “This is my bare minimum. Just relish it.”

Y/N decided to thank her boyfriend with her lips. She tiptoed slightly and planted a kiss right on the corner of Jay’s lips.

“Thank you,” she whispered, face just inches away from his.

Jay leaned in for another, deeper kiss. His hand was firmly placed on her waist and another around her neck, pulling her closer and pressing their lips even harsher together. Y/N’s hands were flat against his chest, trying to keep herself steady. Just as she was about to go a step further, Jay pulled away, his lips making a smacking sound against hers.

“You’re welcome, and I think your bath is ready,” he said, walking away towards the bathroom.

She followed Jay into her bathroom and noticed that he had already turned off the water and put a bath bomb in the tub. The tub was now half full and frothy, the surface covered with bubbles.

Y/N was breathless as she followed Jay’s movements with her eyes. Her brain was already trying to calculate and analyze what kind of night it would be.

“Your bath awaits, my lady,” Jay made a grand gesture pointing towards the tub and Y/N cackled.

“Tell me about the party?” Jay said as he started helping Y/N undress.

Y/N began with the story of meeting Jin. She tugged her t-shirt off and Jay swiftly placed it in the laundry basket. He tilted his head at the sight of the lilac lacy bra Y/N was wearing underneath.

“Is that new?” He asked, intrigued.

Y/N looked down and nodded. “Mmhm. Got it on sale.”

“Looks nice,” Jay reached to gently touch the lace adorning the apex of the bra. Y/N held her breath, expecting to feel his fingers graze her skin. “Continue,” Jay said, sitting down on the closed toilet.

Trying her best not to look disappointed, Y/N continued telling him about the party as she unbuttoned her skinny jeans and struggled to get it off her ankles. Jay stood up and knelt in front of her, gently holding her ankle and pulling the jeans off. Once it was off, though, he found himself facing Y/N’s crotch.

Noticing this, Y/N stopped talking. Jay flicked his eyes upwards to meet hers, not moving from his position.

“Why did you stop?” asked Jay, tilting his head sideways. For someone whose face is just inches away from his girlfriend’s core, he looked pretty innocent.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Y/N straightened her position and started to unclasp her bra.

“Oh,” Jay stood up in a rush. “Let me do that.”

As he leaned in as if going for a hug, Jay slowly unclasped Y/N’s bra, letting her get a whiff of his scent that night. He was wearing Y/N’s favorite perfume in his collection, and he might have done it on purpose.

“You smell good,” said Y/N calmly.

Jay smiled and responded by leaning down, kissing Y/N’s neck. “You too, babe.”

He took a step back and looked at his girlfriend’s body, his face full of adoration. He then looked into her eyes. “Continue.”

Y/N assumed what he meant was continue speaking, so she did. Jay quietly listened and put away all of Y/N’s clothes away before kneeling down in front of her again. When she tilted her head without questioning, Jay merely placed his hands on both her thighs, giving her gentle strokes.

“So he found you among the crowd,” Jay finally spoke, breaking the silence. “Main character moment right there.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t exactly trying to make him—Jay! Oh my God.”

Y/N was caught off guard when Jay leaned in and sniffed her clothed core. He even went so far to lick a stripe from down up, making her legs shake in his hands. Y/N placed a hand on the bathroom counter, committed to stay standing up. He moved his hands upwards to cup her ass and started to squeeze there lightly. While Y/N had her eyes closed, Jay had his opened, staring right into her face and trying to figure out which movement of his tongue would elicit the best moan out of her red-tinted lips.

“J-Jay…” Y/N was breathing heavily, one of her hands found its way to the back of his head. “Please…”

“Mmh, yeah, sorry,” Jay pulled away. “This is getting in the way.”

Jay hooked his fingers on each side of her panties and pulled them down, tossing them away.

“Where were we?” Jay moved closer, his hands secure behind Y/N’s knees. He then started kissing Y/N’s thighs. “Keep going, babe.”

“You’re making it hard for me to speak,” Y/N said, matter-of-factly.

Jay smirked before he leaned in to kiss her bottom lips. Y/N let out a whimper.

“Try finishing the story as I finish you off,” Jay looked up. “Deal?”

Y/N nodded. She decided it was best to keep her eyes closed to stay focused, but it didn’t help since Jay was sliding his tongue up and down her clit, occasionally sucking and nibbling on her thighs to give her core a break and to let her catch her breath. As she continued with her retelling of events, Jay listened intently, not taking his eyes off of her. He would hum whenever Y/N paused, letting her know that he was listening, but the vibration in his voice caused her to stutter.

“He asked me,” Y/N stopped for a split second, her fingers lost in Jay’s hair. “If I wanted to leave the party.”

Hearing this, Jay pressed a thumb on her clit. Her breath hitched.

“What did you say?” he asked.

Y/N could feel her heartbeat beating way too fast and she was already getting dizzy. Jay stroked her thigh lovingly, encouraging her to speak.

“I…” Y/N looked into Jay’s eyes. His gaze was sharp and demanding, but the gentle movements of his hands were the complete opposite. “I pretended I did not hear him, and that’s when you called.”

A smile started creeping up on Jay’s lips. He sighed, keeping his smile on his face. “That’s my good girl.”

Jay immediately dove into Y/N’s core, letting his tongue do most of the work. Y/N moaned and tightened her grip on Jay’s hair, keeping herself steady as her legs started to shake. Jay did everything he could do in an intense speed—sucking, kissing, lapping like he hadn’t tasted her in months. She came without a warning, and Jay took it like a champ. Drinking up her juice and determined to leave no remains, Jay gently took her hand away from his head to make it easier for him to move around. He noticed she was losing balance, so he made her lean on the bathroom counter, gently spreading her legs wider so he could clean up.

When he was done he stood up, and Y/N had this dazed look on her face that made him chuckle. He lovingly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her on the cheek.

“We better get in the tub while the water is still warm,” Jay said, moving away to take his shirt off and completely undress.

“I knew you didn’t draw the bath just for me,” said Y/N, her voice still weak.

Jay entered the bathtub and leaned back, stretching out his hand signaling Y/N to join him. Y/N took his hand and carefully entered too, watching as the water rose up close to the top of the tub as she lowered herself and leaned into Jay’s chest.

Y/N rested her head on Jay’s shoulder and positioned herself so that Jay could comfortably rest his arms around her waist and she can still look at him sideways. Her nose was touching his jaw and she nuzzled into him, eliciting a chuckle and receiving a kiss on her forehead.

“Did you just do that because you were jealous?” she asked in a whisper, afraid of disturbing the serenity.

Jay frowned. “What makes you think I’m jealous?” he asked back, his hands now rubbing her hands and arms gently.

“The timing,” she squeaked, now sounding slightly worried. “Babe, I saw the chats you sent me before you called me.”

Jay sighed. He was now kneading his fingers into Y/N’s thighs.

“Jay,” Y/N sat up and paused, wondering how she could adjust her position. The tub wasn’t of the biggest size, so she had to stand up, with Jay’s eyes following her every movement. She made Jay sit with his legs straight and then lowered herself to sit on his lap, now facing him. “You know it’s okay to admit if you’re jealous, right? I get jealous all the time.”

Jay raised an eyebrow. “Really? All the time?” His hands found themselves resting on her waist again.

Y/N nodded a little too enthusiastically. Jay chuckled.

“Heck, I even get jealous when you get all handsy with Jungwon or Jake,” Y/N was now leaning into him, her hands caressing his biceps. “I look at your interactions with them and sometimes think, that should be me.”

Hearing this, Jay laughed out loud, his voice echoing through the bathroom. Y/N smiled, proud at herself for putting a smile on Jay’s face.

“Alright, alright,” Jay sighed in defeat. “I guess I was jealous seeing you attend the party of the year. And socializing. And meeting your ex.”

“You’re just jealous about that last part,” Y/N pouted, lightly slapping Jay’s chest.

Jay playfully winced. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Wanna do something about it?” Y/N asked, her lips close to Jay’s.

“What do you have in mind?” Jay asked back. His calm but flirty demeanor was instantly broken when he gasped as he felt Y/N press her palm on his cock.

“It’s give and take,” Y/N whispered in Jay’s ear, her fingers wrapping around his cock and starting to move. “You gave, so now you take.”

Jay leaned his head back and groaned just as Y/N started to pump his length. She couldn’t see anything beneath the suds, but she was well aware at how Jay was feeling because she felt him harden in her grip. She slid her thumb across the tip and Jay hissed, burying his fingers in her waist.

“You know if we weren’t in water I’d be sucking you off, right?” Y/N continued her ministrations as she spoke in Jay’s ear.

“God,” Jay was now breathing heavily. “Don’t stop. Please.”

It did not take long for Y/N to finish him off, and she wasn’t quite sure if the reason behind it was the tension, the warm water, or the new experience that they were sharing in the bathroom. Jay came in Y/N’s hands and she slowed down her movements, observing Jay’s face closely as he rode his high.

“We need a proper shower,” he then said, looking at the aftermath.

“Preferably separately,” Y/N chuckled, kissing Jay on the cheek. Jay responded by grabbing her face, cupping it and roughly kissing her on the lips.

-END-

© forjongseong 2022, all rights reserved

reblogs and feedback would be much appreciated!

[slightlymore]

red

part of the ‘soulmates collection’

(slytherin) doyoung x (ravenclaw) fem reader

others: (gryffindor) haechan | renjun mentioned like once 

genre: one-shot | smut | angst | fluff | romance | enemies to lovers | slight dark academia vibes | fantasy au | inspired by hogwarts but only for the names and separation in houses. this is a university setting with different magic (different spells, no wands etc., slytherins have some cool ass rooms and very questionable powers) 

warnings: oral f and m, penetration, unprotected, marking m receiving, body possessiveness in a magical way (? i made this up lol I hope its not that weird. like the plot point is a little cringy but I found it hilarious as I wrote it so I hope you don’t get mad at me when you discover what’s it about lol); a lot of bickering and insults; swearing

words: 9.5k (lol) 

requested by anon that wanted academic fights turn into mad sex aha I got inspired by that to make a longer fic with more depth to it (if it's alright) hope you like it! this is one of my favourite pieces I’ve written so far!!!! 👀👅👀

_____

As the rays of the sun hit the announcement board, your eyes darted on the pages filled with small characters. 

A little crowd of people started to chatter behind you, trying to see the ranking sheet as well, but no one dared to come close enough to push into you - the Ravenclaw Prefect. 

“Renjun? Whose dick did you suck to get 6th?” a voice giggled before a loud smack transformed the airy laugh in a dramatic “ouch”. “Lee Haechan, I swear I’ll-” but you didn’t get to hear the rest as your vision got suddenly blurry with rage and your ears started to whistle when your shoulder got bumped forcing you to make a few ungraceful steps to the side. 

“What’s that face for, YLN?” 

You tightened your fists. 

You could have recognized that annoying voice in a thousand others: Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin Prefect and the person you hated most in the whole universe. 

“Ah, right,” he hit his fist on one palm turning his head with fakely widened eyes. “You’re second place. Again.” 

You hated Kim Doyoung and everything that had to do with him. 

His voice? Hideous. 

The fragrance of the fabric softener on his clothes? Repugnant. 

His favourite dishes at the cafeteria? Revolting. 

His favourite authors? Idiots. 

Everything reminded you of him and one time you had a literal meltdown in a supplies shop as every notebook and pen has been seen in his backpack at a certain point. 

“I see that manners are still very difficult for you to master, Kim,” you spit out his last name. 

Doyoung laughed. “I apologize profusely for not following useless societal rules such as manners the way your finite mind intends.” 

An echo of little “ohh” surrounded you but abruptly stopped as you threw a venomous glance at the little crowd behind you. 

“Is this what you’ve been doing to get in the first place? Not following the rules?” you cocked an eyebrow at Doyoung. 

The tongue inside his cheek moved around for a few seconds before he crossed his arms on his chest and got closer until his feet clashed with yours. 

You didn’t step back. 

“Is this an accusation?” 

You pursed your lips as if thinking and Doyoung let you put on the little theatre act before he could hear your “Maybe?” 

A single dry and unamused scoff came out of his lips as his eyes stared you down from head to toes. 

“So you’re resorting to - this?” he gestured vaguely. “You’re that bitter that you couldn’t keep your first place for two whole semesters now?” 

“Oh? It hurt so badly the first time that you kept track of it, baby boy?” you cooed. 

The new nickname threw him off for a split second and although he was quick to come back to his usual expression you noticed it and you smiled triumphantly. 

The crowd was collectively holding its breath. 

He opened his mouth to say probably something stupid as usual when the voice of the professor interrupted you and the spell got shattered. 

“Come inside little roosters. Preserve that energy for the class debate.” 

Previously silent to not miss a single exchange you had with Doyoung. everyone suddenly started to chat while making their way inside the classroom. 

You both still didn’t move a single muscle, your eyes still trained on each other like predators. “I said-,” the professor clicked his fingers between your faces, “-come inside.”

_____

“I can’t fucking believe this.” 

Your university was overall a good place with good and proficient rules. You followed them all and you enjoyed it. But there were also a few rules you suddenly realized you hated. Like the “your seat in the study room will be your seat for the rest of the semester and whoever seats in somebody else's seat during the year, said somebody can slash their shins”. 

You would have loved to see Doyoung sitting at your place. His long legs could use some kicking. But unfortunately, something even worse happened. 

He was sitting right in front of you. 

“Why are you here?” you added, throwing your bag on the desk in front of him and making a few of his papers fly on the floor. 

Doyoung sighed seeing his stuff gently falling around and raised his eyes with the most venomous smile he could pull off. 

“The Gryffindor gentleman over there-” he indicated towards his previous’ semester desk, “took my seat so I had to find another one.” 

You followed his pointed finger and spotted Lee Haechan in the midst of popping a chewing gum bubble. 

He winked. 

You rolled your eyes. 

He made an obscene gesture revolving a tongue in the cheek and hand motions. 

You returned the favour with your middle finger. 

“And you had to sit here of all places. You let a Gryffindor snatch your place.”

Doyoung licked his lower lip before taking it inside his mouth for a moment. 

“Miss ‘manners’ and miss ‘following the rules’ is mad that I, mister ‘fuck useless rules’ and fuck ‘useless manners’ didn’t smack a boy in the head to get a desk?” 

You breathed in slowly and exhaled before you could scream at him. 

“I don’t want to see you every day in front of me.” 

Doyoung pinched the base of his nose before speaking. 

“Listen, I also don’t want to see your face this close every day for a whole semester but it is what it is. All the other seats are taken. Stop whining or go and suck Lee’s dick to get his desk instead.” 

You scoffed incredulously and plopped down with force, ignoring the boy’s sighs as the movement made some other papers fall. 

"You're insufferable,” he whispered. 

"I am insufferable?" you stopped taking the books from your bag then suddenly dropped the heaviest one, making the whole desk tremble. 

Doyoung looked at you then smirked. "You're in a worse mood than usual. Is it because you couldn't reach the top?" 

He leaned in as if about to share a secret. "Are you frustrated that I'm always in your mind 24/7?"

His dark eyes looked like two abysses and suddenly you felt like falling into them. Then he blinked once, slowly, and you blinked too, the sudden silence chatter of the study room bringing you to the surface. 

Fuck Slytherins and their weird-ass magnetic eyes. You wanted to smack him in the fucking face. 

"So I see you keep wanting to be ridiculous as always," you replied but you both realized how soft your tone got. 

You cleared your throat - don’t talk to me anymore! it said - and you opened your books, eyes unable to look at Doyoung's face. 

He got the hint and leaned back into his seat amused, playing with his pencil. It rolled on his fingers, then on his knuckles and when he placed it on the desk with sudden force you jolted. 

"If you want to surpass me, stop staring at my hands and get on studying."

Doyoung had to slide away with his chair for you to not reach his throat and choke him.

_____

"So do you want to choke him with his tie or do you want him to choke you with his tie?" "I want to choke you." Haechan smirked. "I'm not sure I'm into that stuff but we can try it out." "I can't believe you did this to me." "Ah come on. Everyone is having fun. He's having fun. You're the only one taking it too seriously." "I am not taking it seriously. I'm just annoyed every time I see his face. 'The best option is to reinvent yourself'" you mocked Doyoung's voice during philosophy class. "You can reinvent the world first. What kind of selfish nonsense is that?" "Slytherin nonsense. But still, he had good points to his discourse- ahi." "Go and be his friend then." "I would, but I'm stuck here with you because--ahi." 

"You're always getting hit, Lee," that voice interrupted your discourse. 

You rolled your eyes and breathed out so heavily that for a split moment you thought someone transformed you into a horse. 

"Hit on, by girls." "I will hit you too if you don't leave my desk," Doyoung smiled peacefully.  "Well," Haechan got up slowly, "I wouldn't mind that either."

Doyoung bit his lower lip amused and to your absolute shock he winked at your friend. Haechan laughed and left you two alone. 

"What was that?" 

Doyoung sat down ready to get to work. "Huh?" 

"Were you friendly just now?" 

Doyoung blinked at you as if processing the question. "Yeah? I am friendly usually."

"Why are you not friendly with me?" 

Doyoung's expression suddenly trembled on his face like a mask. He looked up surprised and for a split moment, he appeared weirdly younger, with his open lips and wide eyes. You stared at each other for a few seconds and it was the first time you didn't feel like opening up his guts.

But then he smiled and it all got back to you. "Because I hate you,” he explained.

_____  

The ball was okay. A normal ball just like all of the other boring balls you were forced to attend each start of the semester. No alcohol, at least not offered from the university but definitely offered by the older students. All said students dressed well, but following the decency rules which led to boring outfits. 

Your red dress was the boldest thing around and Ravenclaw cheered upon your entry in the Grand Hall. 

A cool Prefect? Yeah, you had to be one if you wanted to beat Kim Doyoung. 

At the moment everyone liked him more since he let his people smuggle liquor into the university but you weren’t about to fall to such low standards to win. 

But food? Hell yeah. 

It was not illegal and everyone wanted to have pizza instead of finger food made of hell knows what. 

“Y/N, if you continue like this, I’ll probably fall in love with you,” a random dude smiled, helping himself. You smiled back at him, glad that cute guys wanted to talk to you. 

“Well-,” you started, ready to bat your eyelashes, but the guy suddenly jolted, the piece of pizza he was holding literally flying from his hands and landing on his face instead. 

You yelped, bringing your hands to your mouth in shock, staring at the way it slowly slid from his nose down on his impeccable white shirt. 

“Shit,” he threw the pizza away on the bin at his right and made his way through the crowd with spicy tomato sauce in his eyes. 

“You got all kinds of pizzas and not my favourite topping,” Doyoung suddenly materialized near you with a dramatic sigh, scaring the shit out of you.  “You!” you turned your head to him and pointed your finger at his face. Doyoung stared at your fingertip then at your eyes. “You did that to the guy just now!” 

The boy blinked at you as if you were crazy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he shook his head but when he took a piece of pizza and started to munch on it, one hand waving at you and walking towards his friends, you noticed the way he smiled.

_____

A few hours later, people were scattered around the campus, most of them in bed “sleeping”, some of them actually already sleeping since it was almost morning. 

The prefects were still in the hall, wrists twisting and eyes annoyed at the chore of having to clean up after the ball. 

“It’s going to take you only half an hour, my children,” the headmistress chuckled brightly. “You’re prefects for a reason. Other children don’t have your advanced magical power and would end up cleaning for a whole day. Responsibilities. Am I right?” 

“She could clean in 5 minutes yet here we are,” the Gryffindor prefect mumbled after she left, leaving behind an obnoxious perfume cloud. 

If the ball would have at least been fun, it would be different now, cleaning while at least being a little euphoric. 

But not only was it the most boring and uneventful party ever, you also had to do Kim Doyoung’s part since he was as slow as a snail. 

“Get your shit together. We can clean much faster if you get your ass up,” you stared him down with hands on your hips.

Doyoung looked up at you from the chair he was sprawled on, one hand to sustain his head, the other twisting while his finger lazily transported a flying bottle of beer across the room. 

“I am working.” 

You scoffed. “You’re the best at object moving. If you wanted, you could also finish everything in 5 minutes.” 

The boy tilted his head to the side, suddenly focused and amused. “Are my ears failing me, or did you just compliment me?” 

“If you need my praise to do your job, then yes, Kim, you’re very good at this type of magic.” 

Doyoung chuckled happily and got up. With a smack of his lips, he rolled his wrists and all the trash disappeared from the floors and tables appearing into the trash cans instead. The Hufflepuff prefect whistled, impressed, and the Gryffindor sighed upon realizing he had worked his ass off for nothing. 

You put your tongue in your cheek annoyed but also secretly happy he actually did it. “Floors.” 

Doyoung took out his tongue in the most annoying habit he had. Your eyes involuntarily darted towards it and he smiled. 

“You’re such a snake when you do that.” “Okay, crow. Deal with your floors yourself then,” he passed you and walked towards the exit. 

The other prefects already left, too tired to deal with your bickering and probably relieved that someone else could clean up much faster. 

You stared at his back, annoyed, then twisted your wrist to pull his body back towards you. His black jacket moved as if a gentle breeze blew across him and Doyoung stopped. 

“Wait, sorry-” he laughed and turned around, his voice echoing in the gigantic empty room ringing inside your skull. “-were you perhaps trying to do-” he twisted his wrist and you yelped, feet dragging across the pavement as if your body was being pulled by an invisible force until you clashed on his chest, “-this?” he finished. 

Your hands were up on his shirt and for a few moments your brain couldn’t think anything besides, first, how good he smelled, and second, it was the first time for you to actually touch each other. 

“If you’re so good at this, then clean the floors as well, so we can finally go.” 

He stared you down.

“Ask nicely.” 

You scoffed incredulously. “I’d rather clean it with my own hands than do that.” 

He smiled. "You want to kiss me so badly, Y/N." 

“I-- what? Are you drunk?” 

“Why are you so flustered?” 

“I am--not-” you grabbed the hand he raised to cup your face, “flustered! I am appalled.” 

“I want to kiss you.” 

Breathing has never been a difficulty for you and you’ve always laughed at main characters in books talking so extensively about air, but at that moment, your hand still holding Doyoung’s one, your chests pressing against each other and his eyes, fuck, you actually started to slightly pant. What was wrong with him? 

“If you stopped using your snake powers-” “This is no power. It’s just you being attracted to me,” he finally cupped your face and this time you didn’t move away. “Check on it. You can pull away.”

He was right. But if that wasn’t some slytherin doing then you were probably going crazy because you saw your hands move almost on their own on Doyoung’s shoulders. 

Then you actually leaned in and he met you halfway. 

Your limbs were trembling when he brushed his lips on yours and to your surprise, they were warm and soft. 

Then he pulled you even closer and you whined for no reason besides your brain yelling ‘this is so nice!!!! we love dopamine!!!’ at you. 

And you sought for some more. 

When you licked his lower lips, Doyoung’s hands had a tremor on your waist but he was quick to adjust to your sudden burst of passion with the same energy. 

Of all the things that you anticipated that night, making out with Kim Doyoung was definitely not one of them. Then why you felt relieved as if finally doing somethig you’ve ached to do for so long?

Did he want to kiss you? 

He was currently kissing you at that moment? 

Absurd. 

Yet there you were, panting and desperate for each other, unable to stop drinking each other’s breaths. 

“I’m taking you to my room,” he whispered and the look in his eyes was something you’ve never seen before.

____

Suffocating.

You were suffocating as your breath was taken away from your lungs at Doyoung's every touch on your back. 

First your neck with his cold knuckles, then your spine to reach the zip of your red dress. He opened it slowly imitating the pace of his soft lips on your jaw. And when the fabric fell to your feet you turned around, your arms quick to pull him into a messy kiss, while his hands fell on your hips, pushing you towards the silky bed. 

You sat down and got quickly on your knees to be able to reach his face again. 

Doyoung, standing near the edge of the bed, closed his eyes when you drifted your attention from his lips to his neck then chest, placing a kiss on the newly exposed skin every time you made a button pop open. His abdomen twitched every time and when you reached his navel you palmed his torso up, enjoying his shaky breath when the shirt fell off his shoulders.

A little chuckle coming from you made him look down at your sultry face, the hue of the red lights and lit candles dancing on your skin. Then he stared at his own body. Dozens of kisses adorned it in the colour of your lipstick.

"If I can't mark you, I can at least do this," you raised one eyebrow at him, hands gently dealing with his belt. "Who said you can't mark me?" "Hm?" you opened his pants zip and you could have sworn that Doyoung's eyes flickered. "You really want to go around all covered in hickeys?"

The boy smiled and cupped your face, his thumb slowly caressing your lower lip. "Do it where it can't be seen then."

So you let your tongue out on your amused lips and leaned down to reach the skin above the waistband of his underwear. Your tip wetted his skin making his take in a deep breath. "Is here alright?" you whispered against his warm body.

Doyoung's hand found his place on your nape and you took it as consensus, gingerly taking his skin inside your mouth and sucking on it. A red spot already started to form and you sucked again near it, and again, before suddenly placing a kiss on his clothed bulge instead. 

Doyoung drank air through his teeth at the unexpected touch and his fingers got to your shoulders, pushing you into the bed before your legs could wrap around his waist. 

His tongue inside your mouth was as delicious as the silk your body was rubbing against. It made its way down your neck then chest and when it reached your perked nipples your knees buckled and you grabbed that red silk with your fists. Little soft whimpers escaped your lips and they became louder as Doyoung's fingers got between your legs. They scratched the lace of your panties and you lifted your hips as he dragged them down. The boy, then, palmed your skin and placed open kisses on it from the ankle down and every touch closer made you lose a bit of your self-control. 

You really were about to fuck Kim Doyoung. 

What kind of sick and twisted situation was that? 

Were you bewitched? 

Did he do something to you?

But when his lips reached your dripping core, tongue quick to collect your juice, it didn't matter. 

If this was the consequence of you getting bewitched, you wanted it to happen every day. And you told him. You hand gripped his hair and your back arched, profanities quickly spilling out of your chest. Doyoung cupped your ass, pressing his thumbs into your flesh and you let your thighs drape over his shoulders. 

Why was he that good? It honestly offended you to find out that Kim Doyoung aced pussy eating too besides everything else. 

And when he stopped to breathe, you saw his eyes and his juicy lips. 

It was the sexiest view you’ve ever seen in your life so you yanked his head toward your face and he obliged with a panting smile. 

Making out while his long fingers pumped inside of you was the highlight of your university career, and you cared about the curriculum a lot. 

And when he curled them upwards, touching spots inside of you that made you lose vision, you were ready to beg him to do it to you as often as possible. 

"Cumming- I'm--ah-" 

Doyoung got back between your legs and added his tongue to the action again. 

It was too much. 

His books flew from his shelves as you reached the highest climax of your life. 

He chuckled, peppering your shaking body in soft kisses. “I thought you weren’t good at object moving.” You breathed heavily a few more moments before finally finding your voice again. Doyoung reached your lips and you shivered upon feeling his hard cock resting between your legs. He stared at your expression as he lightly hit your oversensitive clit with its tip then rubbed himself between your folds with a sigh. “You’re the one good at moving, so please, move.” The boy bit your lower lip, stretching it out a little before sucking on it, one hand to cup your hip and the other grabbing the silk near your head. He got you so wet that he didn’t need much to easily slip inside of you. He cursed with heavy breath and you wondered if your nails were leaving marks on his back skin as he moved his hips. 

You didn't have Doyoung only in your brain like usual, thinking about him day and night. You finally had him physically so deep inside that you thought you were about to lose your mind. 

So this was it, the sweet overwhelming sensation of being in the present instead of chasing something in the future. 

It was just like everyone described it to be, everything. 

But it wasn't a moment in time or space as you’ve anticipated. It was a person and that person, you realized, was Doyoung. 

If your mouth wasn’t busy spilling his name out of it inside his soft lips and if his hums didn’t make your whole being vibrate, you would have probably laughed at the destiny. 

"You are, so fucking, hot-," you whispered breathlessly, eyes barely able to stay open to drink in his image. "So you admit it. You think I'm sexy," you could see his smirk even in the red darkness of his room. "I wouldn't let you ram into me like this if I thought otherwise." "Oh really? And yet I was here thinking you were doing charity since 'no girl would want to make my dick wet'." You chuckled before the sounds could get interrupted by your high moans instead, the frustration that phrase gave to Doyoung translating into his hips thrusting even harder. "I take that back." "Are you trying to say that you want me to slow down? You can’t take this?" "Oh, no, I love how you're fucking me as if you hate me." "But I don’t actually hate you”, you wished to hear at least for a split second but no word came out of the boy's lips, his hips slowing down instead as he buried his face into the crook of your neck.

It was as good as his fast thrusts, his strokes so fluid and deep it made you grunt every time he pressed into you. He was so good that it irritated you. 

"You really like to do the opposite of what I want, huh?" "Yeah," his voice inside your ear made your skin get goosebumps. “I love your frustrated expression and mannerism.” "Ah, shit-" you dug your nails into his back as the bed started to creak. "A good girl like you swearing like this? Who taught you?" "It's your influence." "Am I turning you bad?" "Yeah. Every time you're around I want to do bad things and I have no idea what's going on." You didn't expect to be that honest but Doyoung's intimate presence was like a drug, making you feel so high that you were ready to get twisted by him in every way he wanted. 

No. You desired it. You wanted Doyoung to play with you and for once you would not resist it at all. You would beg for more.

And when he actually took you there, in a place where your thoughts did not exist anymore, where only his touch grounded you, the hand that pushed you over the edge and the one bringing you back up, you did just that. You asked for more, shaking uncontrollably on his luscious bed and he did what you wanted. For once he granted every wish you had and even beyond that.

_____

Your desire to leave his room that night was not as strong as you anticipated. 

Doyoung arms didn't want to let go and you didn't fight him at all. 

Sighing, you got back to his chest and didn't comment on the way he tightened his hold on you. If this wasn’t the way people-that-hate-each-other-but-like-to-weirdly-fuck-for-some-reason behaved, it would be a concern for your conscious mind and not for your fucked up one. 

His scent was inebriating and if you didn't know the way he could make you feel, you would have thought that it was the highest form of aphrodisiac. 

And maybe it was actually making you feel high because under your lids you could have sworn that the room slowly changed colour. 

You opened your sleepy eyes and stared at the wall behind Doyoung’s shoulder, blinking hard. 

It was dark blue, almost black, with a myriad of little bright lights. 

The candles went out and the room did get dark after Doyoung rolled over breathless, his cum dripping slowly on your thigh, but you were pretty sure there were no stars before. 

And when you shifted to rest on your back you almost choked on your own spit. 

You weren’t looking at the night sky. 

No. You were inside the sky. 

Purple, whites, yellows and pinks all melted together to form galaxies and cosmic dust. 

No roof, no walls, no pavements, just the bed, Doyoung and you in the middle of everything. 

Your fingers dug into the arm Doyoung had thrown across your chest and perhaps you made some type of sound because the boy opened his eyes to stare at your profile. “Do you like it?” he murmured. Your head snapped towards his face and his eyes reflected the infinite little lights as if he held two other universes inside of them. “How is this possible?” He smiled sheepishly. “Slytherin rooms. They change based on the owner’s mood.” You felt your mouth open on its own. “This is your doing?” Doyoung hummed and closed his eyes again, pulling you towards him to hold you like before. You let him place his chin on top of your head and breathed in his scent yet again. 

“So the red room?” “I was horny.” You smiled. “And how do you feel now?” “A little less horny. If I’m not careful you’ll see a whole star engulf us soon.” “This is so unfair. We don’t have such cool rooms.” “Or maybe you do but being Ravenclaws you’re all thinking of boring, brown looking rooms.” 

You rolled your eyes even if he couldn’t see you and gently, you placed a hand on his chest, close to your face and above his heart. You could feel the calm and peaceful beats in syntony with the night sky. To know that inside that boy’s mind could be such beauty made your heart not beat as calmly as his heart did. 

You had no idea what you were doing, hugging so intimately with your sworn enemy, and maybe it was the romantic vibe that made you do it since there was no rational explanation to any of it, but you raised your face to meet his lips. 

And you just kissed him. Slowly and softly, barely brushing them with yours. 

Doyoung opened his eyes for a moment, as if surprised, but upon feeling you pressing yourself on his body he closed them again and pulled you on top of him. 

The universe didn’t change, although, when you let your tongue inside his mouth, slowly, as if having all the time in the world at your feet, the stars flickered and got brighter. 

“Are you trying to see a star up close? I can make it happen without you rubbing yourself on me,” he smiled on your lips. “What happens when you suddenly lose control?” Doyoung’s pupils trembled and the room started to shake. You knew it wasn’t real but you still jolted and looked around terrified. “Let’s find out.”  

_____

"I, saw, you, leave, with, Kim, Doyoung, last night," Haechan chanted teasingly as he sat down with his breakfast tray. 

You wanted to keep a poker face but your facial muscles weren't under your control so you smiled. 

"Oh!! Look at her! Oh my God. So- wow. Okay. Okay," Haechan tried to compose himself. "Is he any good?" he leaned in lowering his voice. 

You sighed and nodded. "So fucking good."

Haechan squealed and hit your shoulder before wrapping it with one arm and wobbling you around. 

"Stop it!" you hissed amused. "Everything hurts." "EVERYTHING HURTS! So he's got a monster cock."

"Shut up!" you pressed your hand on his mouth scandalized as Doyoung made his way inside the cafeteria with his friends. 

You breathed in slowly and just as slowly you exhaled, trying to relax. Haechan made an effort to appear calm as well. "Sup, Kim." You smiled. 

The other boy looked your way as he walked behind your table. "Hey, Lee," then he turned to you. "Y/L/N." 

And left. 

Just like that. 

He looked at you for one second and continued on his way to the Slytherin tables. 

No smile. 

No acknowledgement. 

Cold just like before. 

As if nothing had happened. 

You stared at his back, feeling your limbs heavy like stone. Turning around slowly, you grabbed your fork and started to eat in silence. "Hey." Haechan lightly bumped your arm with his shoulder. "He's probably just feeling awkward." You munched slowly and took it as an excuse to keep quiet. "Hey, come on." "What?" Haechan sighed. "You can say that you're disappointed that he-" "I don't know what you're talking about."

_____

For the first time, instead of feeling rage inside your gut, you felt anxious. 

Doyoung was in front of you, face almost hidden under his hair as he typed into his computer. He greeted you as he usually did before the, well, before you let him see the deepest parts of you, figuratively and physically. But after that single “hey” no other words came from his part. 

It wouldn't have been that weird if only a few hours ago he didn't kiss your lips in heaven. 

When you woke up that morning, the night sky wasn’t there anymore. At his place were clouds. White fluffy clouds in the middle of a pink sky. 

It was breathtaking and you felt like flying. 

And he did kiss you softly. 

And now he acted as if you weren't even there. 

Maybe Haechan was right. Maybe he was feeling awkward. It's not like he could suddenly act lovingly in front of the whole campus. You were still enemies after all. And maybe you were also right. 

You've just fucked. It's not like you started to date. He had no obligations towards you. 

Yet, when his fingers drew your spine and his sigh caressed your lips, it didn't seem just fucking to you. 

Was Doyoung like that? Was that his personality? Was he doing that to all the girls he brought into his room? Making them cum multiple times and showing them his soft side? Was that a well-plotted plan? Was he trying to hurt you? 

You were ready to let him do whatever he wanted to you the previous night, yet at that moment, under the bright sunlight of the study room, you felt sick. It was a weird feeling. It grabbed at your throat and travelled down to your heart making it difficult for you to breathe. 

You trusted him with your feelings and you let him see your vulnerable side. 

Did he laugh? Was he feeling triumphant now? Did he win a battle against you? He had you on his palm? Because, God, he did have you on his palm now and with only a twist of his wrist he could get you into his arms again. 

And you would have let him.

You hated it. You fell so hard it hurt everywhere. You were dizzy and confused and you couldn't look at him anymore.

_____

It was easy to avoid Doyoung for the following days. It was almost too easy as if he was trying to avoid you too. So walking towards the library you jolted hearing his low voice inside one of the classrooms. You stopped in place and after a few seconds of thinking you peeped inside. Then you gulped and hid under the door window. 

He was resting his hips on the professor's desk, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed on his chest. In front of him was standing one of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen. 

She was talking with a peaceful tone and Doyoung suddenly laughed. You got up and quickly walked away.

_____

"How the fuck would I know?" the girl asked. 

Doyoung rolled his eyes. "Your dad designed them. You must know more than me."

"Listen. We're the only house with mood rooms because we're the only people who can control their emotions. It's not my fault you're a terrible Slytherin and your room has been pitch black for the past days." 

Doyoung sighed in irritation. "What the fuck does that even mean though?" 

"Usually mourning."

The boy shook his head. "No one died."

"Then it can be a general pain. Or confusion," the girl explained. 

Doyoung raised his gaze on her. "What would I be so confused about?" 

She shrugged. "You're the only one that can know. Chill out maybe and stop thinking when you're inside of it. I'll ask my dad how to turn it off and I'll let you know. Now leave me alone, I'm busy," she said and left the classroom.

_____

"Hey," Doyoung said. "That's my pencil."

You looked down at your fingers and furrowed your eyebrows. 

"No. This is mine."

The boy sighed. "I can sense it's mine."

"I legit bought it yesterday. And what are you? A psychic? 'I can sense it's mine'." 

"I'm a Slytherin. We're snakes. Everything I lick is mine. And I can sense that's mine." 

Your mouth opened slightly and you waited for him to laugh but Doyoung remained serious. 

"That has to be a joke."

"Okay, keep it. It just makes me feel giddy when things I own are used by other people." "Because you're selfish." "It's a real sensation. I know when something I licked is being used by somebody else," and he raised his eyes on you. You stared back and the weight of his words made your throat close. 

I hope it doesn't work with people too, you wanted to ask, but the noise on your left interrupted you. 

"Can I talk to you?" the same girl from a few days ago suddenly made her appearance near your desk. Doyoung looked at her surprised. "Yeah." "Bring me to your room," she ordered.

_____

You shouldn't have been there. 

It was useless and it would only make you further lose your mind. 

But your feet descended the Slytherin corridor, nose following the trail of the girl's perfume until arriving at Doyoung’s door. 

You remained still for a moment and after a few seconds of indecisiveness you suddenly turned around going back. 

That was too creepy. You had absolutely no reason to be there. If Doyoung wanted to fuck that girl, so be it. 

But then you stopped again. 

Fuck. 

Just, just a little glance. Just a tiny little glance. Just the colour. Just to be sure. 

You didn't turn around to actually see anything. With your back towards the door, you twisted your wrist, doing the most illegal thing one can do inside the campus - transparency spell. A tiny portion of the wall disappeared at your silent command and you could see the red hue spilling outside of it on the dark pavement at your feet. 

It was enough and you barely saw the stairs when you got out of the basement.

_____

"You weren't lying when you said it's pitch black. It even absorbs magic light."

Doyoung sighed. 

The girl presumably turned around because Doyoung heard her voice more clearly when she spoke again.

"Okay, so this is what we're gonna do. Sit down somewhere and relax." 

The boy let himself fall on the carpet with a grunt. 

"Close your eyes."

He obliged even if he could have let them open too for all it mattered. 

"Now, think of someone of your choice." 

Doyoung's mind automatically drifted towards you and the room besides being dark, felt suddenly very cold as well. 

"No, okay, Doyoung, change the person." "She's the only one I can think about." The girl sighed. "Well, at least we know the reason for all of this. God, it's so fucking cold, try to not think about anything for a second!" 

"It's hard, okay?" 

"Okay, fuck. Think about her but imagine something else. Think of a good memory you have with her."

Doyoung sighed irritated and furrowed his eyebrows even more. "I don't think this is going to work."

But when he let his mind imagine your panting expression underneath him, a slight red hue started to create from the floor going up to the walls. 

The girl exulted. "Yes! Don't stop. Continue thinking about that!" 

Doyoung opened up one eye as the girl exulted again and he could finally see the furniture in his room. 

It was a dark red, not the bright red he actually had his room painted in when he held you into his arms, but enough for him to not get a headache 24/7.

"Well it's not like I can think about--that, every time I need to be in my room, can I?" he got up. 

The girl knew what red meant and she chuckled. 

"Don't you have any other good memory with her besides fucking?" 

The room got bright red. 

The girl laughed even harder. 

"Ah, shut up." "Hey, I helped you out." "Barely," he plopped on the bed and put his face into his palms. 

It could have been considered a gesture coming from embarrassment if the lights didn't start to get dim again. 

"God, you're really all over the place, huh?" she sat near him. "What happened? Is she your ex?”  

Doyoung sighed and directed his gaze upon an indistinct point in front of him. Maybe he was tired, or maybe it was the dark room and the fact that Doyoung didn’t even remember the girl’s name, making her a safe stranger, but he whispered. 

"I made a mistake. I thought she was into me so-- fuck, I went down on her."

The girl made a surprised sound but waited for the most important part. 

“Well, she’s not into me, but I am.”

"You're so stupid!" 

"Yeah okay, thanks."

"We're Slytherins! It's not like we don't give head because we're prude, it's to prevent this! You horny dumbass." "I thought she liked me! I had no idea she'd- fuck someone else right after!" Doyoung grunted frustrated and fell back on the bed, the room getting to the pitch-black from before. 

The girl let the silence calm him down a bit before talking. 

"I am sorry. I had things used by others but I don't know what it feels like with people."

"It's not necessarily painful but- knowing the reason, it's just-" 

"Yeah. You just have to let her go so the bond is receded. Like with things, you know?"

"It's easy to let go of a thing that's yours. How can I manage to let go of her?" 

The girl sighed and remained in silence.

_____

You had no idea how you managed to remain seated in front of Doyoung that morning. 

His complexion was paler than usual and his eyes were very tired. As if he didn't sleep enough last night. Or at all. 

You had to breathe in and out slowly to ease the pain inside your stomach. 

"You look terrible."

Doyoung's dark irises under his low lids made your skin crawl when he looked up at you. 

"Is someone keeping you too active to get enough sleep?" you asked again, trying hard to get back to the tone you both were used to before. 

The boy tightened his lips in a mockery smile. "Yeah. As discussed, I have no problem keeping my dick wet."

"Well-," you frowned with a raised chin, your lips forming a pout for a moment before you forced them to keep the poker face, "-I started to see someone lately too."

He looked unbothered. "As in dating or hallucinations?" 

You ignored his comment. 

“We’ve already been on three dates,” you lied. 

“And you’re telling me this because-?” 

You shrugged. “Conversation.” 

“I hate small talk.” 

“Is there something you don’t hate?” 

“Silence. And smart people, which given your latest test results, you’re not.” 

You had no idea what it was. 

You and Doyoung had always called each other names, insulted each other’s intelligence and the sorts, yet at that moment, maybe because of your failing tests, the alignment of stars or the fact that you were actually in love with him, you burst into tears. 

It took Doyoung a few good seconds to realize that you were wailing in front of him.

“Hey?” 

He crouched on the desk to be able to see your face from underneath your arms. You hid it even more. 

“Y/N,” he lowered his voice. It was as soft and delicate as when he whispered your name under the sky. 

You suddenly took your stuff and ran away from the study room.

_____

Doyoung was slowly but surely losing his mind. 

One day, two days, three days and you were still nowhere to be seen. 

His room has been different shades of grey, which was better than black but now the walls had water running on them and the floor was constantly wet. 

Altogether, not a good time. 

“Holy shit, are you that depressed?” 

Doyoung raised his eyes from the book he was reading before rolling them so far up that Haechan thought they wouldn’t come back anymore.

“What do you want?” 

The Gryffindor took a step inside the room with hands behind his back and took a lazy stroll to where Doyoung’s dresser was crying. “Your flowers are all dead. Throw them away.” “They keep appearing every time,” Doyoung started to read again, the little line between his eyebrows showing how hard he tried to understand whatever the pages were trying to say but failing. 

“I’m here because it’s boring to not have you yell at Y/N in the study room as always,” Haechan spoke again nonchalantly, fingers rubbing against each other, as to get rid of the imaginary dust they collected from Doyoung’s furniture. Given the situation, the room probably made up piles of mud as well. 

"Who's the guy?" Doyoung suddenly asked. 

Haechan furrowed his eyebrows. "What guy?" 

"The one she's fucking."

The other blinked at him surprised. 

"You mean, Kim Doyoung?" 

The Slytherin's eyes widened and Haechan saw how he looked with flushed cheeks for the first time in his life. 

"Aw, come on. Of course, I know everything."

"If you know everything, then tell me who the fuck this guy she's been fucking beside me is!" Doyoung got up from the bed. 

"There's no other guy. What are you talking about?" 

"Fuck, I felt it how he touched her and it drives me crazy!" Haechan opened his mouth to talk but jolted, eyes staring at Doyoung’s arm extended to hit the wall behind his head expecting to see a dent in the hard brick from how much force he put into that.  

"Is it you?" “Uhm? What the fuck?” "Answer me." "Okay, first of all, take a step back."

Doyoung leaned in even more and Haechan gulped. 

"Okay! Okay, gosh. No. There's no guy fucking her as far as I know."

"Where is she?" "I don't know." "What kind of friend are you if you don't know it?" 

Haechan crossed his arms on his chest. "Am I seriously getting scolded on friendship values by Kim Doyoung right now? You that made her cry in the common room? You that made her rest her weapons in front of you just to see you treat her like scum? After using her? We don’t have mood rooms but we have things like hearts and mouths which we use to, you know, ask other people how they feel-" "I don't have enough patience and you know that."

Haechan breathed in and out before finally opening his lips again. "She's in the dorms. Obviously. Where the fuck would she be-"

Doyoung turned around on his heels like a tornado and walked towards the towers. 

"She doesn't want to talk to you!" Haechan told the other boy's back but he wasn't sure he heard him.

_____

She doesn't want to talk to you. 

Fuck it. 

Doyoung knew he was self-centred and he knew that your absence had something to with him but for once he really wanted to be wrong. 

Used you? You really thought Doyoung used you? When you used him and then got somebody else to touch you like that? 

Fuck, if Doyoung were in his room at that moment it would probably resemble a killing storm. 

"Hey, you can't be here," some random guy stopped him as Doyoung stepped into the Gryffindor common room. "How did you even enter-" 

"Shut the fuck up." 

Doyoung looked around, eyeing all of the different doors and chose left, venturing down the corridor, for once - and cringingly so - listening to his heart. 

Haechan was right. You didn’t have real mood rooms but he could physically feel the energy of each and one of them with his heart. 

He knew it was your door before even getting close to it, the feeling coming from it making his blood boil in his veins just like he would feel when you were around. 

With a twist of his wrist, he tried to open it but it didn't work. 

"Are you seriously trying to barge into a girl's room like that, Kim?" a scandalous voice said behind the door. 

"How did you know it was me?" Doyoung placed one palm on the wood. 

"Only you could force open a door without even knocking," you replied. "And the spell is made for you specifically, so I know."

The boy rested his forehead on the door and closed his eyes. "You were waiting for me." 

The silence on the other side made him sigh. "Open up. Let me talk to you." 

It got even quieter than before. "I wasn't waiting for you. You had no reasons to come," you finally whispered. 

Doyoung twisted his wrist and the door in front of himself vanished from his eyes. Apparently, you didn't anticipate he'd be able to use the transparency spell since you didn't even preoccupy yourself to block it and he could tell you didn't even sense it, so concentrated on your thoughts. From your perspective the door was still there and, previously leaning against it with your back, you rolled on it now and unknowingly imitated Doyoung's position, foreheads almost touching if not for the layer of old wood. 

"What do I have to say?" he asked, looking at your face. He saw how you bit your lower lip at the sound of his voice and the genuine sadness in your face made him even angrier at the whole situation. "You don't have to say anything," you finally replied. 

Doyoung's jaw muscles tensed. 

"Please, please, open this goddamn door." 

The intensity of his voice made you raise your head and your senses got sharp again, feeling the energy he put into using his spell. 

With the twist of your wrist, the door flew open and you finally saw Doyoung's face. 

"You used transparency," you suddenly looked furious. “You know you can’t do that inside the university.” "Fuck, I was," he stepped in. "What if I was naked?" "Nothing I haven't seen before." 

You rolled your eyes. "You make me so frustrated."

"I am making you frustrated? Then what about me, huh?" 

"What would you even be frustrated about if you don't even care about me? You tease me and you insult me and then you make love to me like a desperate man and then you go back to being your selfish, deprecable self. What is this? Why do you keep playing with me? Is it fun? You find it amusing to see me like this?" 

Your words completely floored him. 

"I can ask you the same thing. I can feel it inside my chest when someone else touches you and it drives me fucking insane. I made a mistake and I gave in thinking you had some feelings for me and that I wasn't just a fuck toy you could use one night and throw away." 

Your mouth fell open. 

He could feel it? He could feel you? So you did belong to him?

"This is crazy. You hid something like this from me! Now you have access to what's going on with my body without my consent!" 

"I had no idea I was in love with you, okay? It has never happened to me before. I don't want to know either when someone else eats you out! I just- you’re here hiding in your room and crying as if you have feelings for me or something when you let someone else-" he stopped. 

You looked at his reddening neck and closed eyes. 

His breath was shaky and you realized how you've never actually seen him angry or upset before. 

"No one has done anything to me, Doyoung. Unlike you, who fucked that Slytherin girl after showing me the fucking heaven. Did you do that to her as well? Sweet talk? For what? Is this your hobby? Making girls fall in love with you?" 

The boy shook his head in confusion."What are you talking about? There's no Slytherin girl."

"The one that had the urgency to see your room?" 

He pinched the base of his nose with a grunt of realization. "She helped me to figure out why my room was pitch-black and why it's currently grey with wet fucking walls."

"Oh yeah? Because to me, it looked very much red."

"You've been spying on me?"

You huffed and sat down on the bed like a child when they're found guilty but they're too proud to admit it. "You used transparency just 5 minutes ago too,” you justified yourself as if you were equal now. 

"And did you see me fuck that girl?" 

"I didn't want to actually look inside like a creep! But you were pretty much horny. The corridor got all red."

"I was thinking about you! And now I’m also thinking about you and I’ve been thinking about you all of these days and months and probably all of these fucking years since I first met you.” 

Your brain felt like mush. 

"Then you knew? You treated me like that because you liked me? Only children tease the person they like."

"I didn’t know. I had no fucking idea before. And apparently, I am a fool for not having realized before and fuck, perhaps I’m a child as well then. I’m insecure. Because I wanted you to think about me too. And perhaps you don’t even remember but I’ve tried to be nice to you before and it didn’t work. But you started to give me attention when I made you mad. It was easy and playful and I saw how you often smiled when I turned my back to you and- fuck, I got hopeful. That you’d start to feel the same.” 

“I do feel the same, for fuck’s sake! I am in love with you.”

Doyoung swallowed dryly. “Then why-” 

“It was me.” 

The boy furrowed his eyebrows. 

“That morning after I left your room I took a shower, and-,” you looked around as if trying to find the courage to say what you had to say, “- I was thinking about you, so-”

Doyoung understood before you could finish the phrase and you saw his face fall. 

“Wait, is it possible? Even if you do it?” 

You scoffed incredulously. “You’re the Slytherin here. Until a few days ago I didn’t even know you had magical spit making you feel whatever I did to my own pussy!” 

Doyoung closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as if he needed a moment.

“But I researched it when you told me about the pencil. It has to do with some weird-ass Slytherin shit where couples own each other’s bodies. Most people find it hot to know when the partner is-” you cleared your voice as it got suddenly tiny from talking about that shameful topic. 

“So no, I did not let anyone touch me. If you were smart enough you would have noticed that it didn’t happen anymore after you treated me like shit.” 

The boy looked as if his soul left his body.

The silence engulfed the whole room and you avoided each other’s eyes. 

But then it got disrupted by his movements. With slow steps, he walked the space from the middle of the room to the feet of the bed where you were sat down. 

With weak limbs, he let himself down on his knees in front of you and slowly he let his face fall into your lap. 

Your breath fell short. With trembling hands, you caressed his nape, lightly as if afraid to touch him, then his hair, patting it gently. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a fool this whole time. Like, I am so stupid.” His voice was muffled by your clothes and his arms wrapped your waist even more while saying it. 

“You’re the smartest person I know. But you could’ve just asked instead of assuming.”

He shook his head. “Yeah. Hey Y/N, so I can feel inside my gut that you orgasmed hard just now. Who did it? I thought you liked me.” 

He raised his head again, his hair messy on the forehead, eyes lit up by the sun coming from your big windows and violent red cheeks. He looked young and vulnerable and suddenly the whole situation seemed so ridiculous that you laughed. 

“I am sorry,” you chuckled and cupped his face. “You’re right. It was a weird situation. We should work on communication. And you should work on not being so insecure.” “You also assumed I fucked a girl just because I was talking to her.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Okay. We both have to work on that, alright?” 

He sighed relieved seeing you smile. 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you about that whole thing before. But I swear, I had no idea my feelings for you were that deep.” “Does it not work with mere crushes?” He shook his head. 

"Well, do you know what I want now? For you to obtain my forgiveness?" you asked. "Me to kiss you." You flicked his head. "You will never drop that attitude of yours, will you?" He smiled even more. "I love to see you like this."

“I want something else,” you explained. Doyoung turned his head to the side. “Me eating you out?” 

“Oh my God! No!” you tried to get away from his hold but he pushed you back on the bed and crawled beside you. “But that pussy is mine-” “Shut up!! Don’t say that ever again! You still need to apologize some more for that. Now I can’t even masturbate.” “You don’t need to masturbate if you have me.” “I fucking hate you so much.” “I love you too. So what was the thing that you wanted?” 

“It’s just-- it’s unfair. So I-- also want to know.” “You want to own my cock?” he chuckled in the crook of your neck. “Why do you really have to use such words?!”

“You can do it. You just need to go down on me too.” “Even if I’m not a slytherin?” “If you’re in love with your slytherin partner, you don’t need to be one to be tied to them like that.” “Pants off then. Now.” _____

Haechan walked through Doyoung’s room with a chuckle, trying hard to avoid all the flowers that suddenly started to grow tall until reaching the ceiling. 

With the corner of his eyes he also noticed the way all of them started to turn red and with a disgusted face, he moved faster, exiting it and closing the door behind him.

[galactic-magick]

Remember Me: Agnes/Agatha Harkness x Reader

Request: Ok so I have this idea for a wandavision fic. Agatha had a wife prior to westview, and the wife comes looking for her and gets zapped into the hex. The wife loses all memories prior to westview so when she sees Agnes for the first time she’s like head over heels in love with her all over again. Agnes of course absolutely recognizes her and remembers everything and decides to woo her wife into marrying her again. Of course shenanigans ensue. Also Agatha doesn’t want to just give her wife’s memories back cause she wants to protect her. I also think the wife’s personality is pretty opposite to Agnes’s, I see her as more quite and innocent, but still bubly and positive. I know this is a lot lol but I just think it would make a great fanfic!

Summary: You and Agatha have been married for years, but a rough fight causes you to take a break for a while. When you’re ready to try again you go looking for her, but accidentally get sucked into the hex in the process and lose all your memories.

Words: 3.6k+

Warnings: spoilers, some angst

Author’s Notes: This fic got pretty long cuz I just kinda ran with this amazing idea, hope you enjoy! 

Taglist: @nyx-aira @midnight-lestrange @thestrangeundoing @dreamydanvers @sleep-deprived-athlete @dr-robotnik-said-hella @fallingfor-fics @p-nymph​ @thelanawinterrs​ @sunproud

-

-

-

You feel…lost.

It’s as if something was at the tip of your tongue, something extremely important was on your mind a few minutes ago, but you can’t think of it for the life of you.

You’ve always struggled with directions, so you know you probably took a wrong turn. You remember driving into a town called Westview, and you’re pretty sure you’re here now, but your mind feels fuzzy. You can’t recall anything that happened to you before driving here. Your body feels like it got ripped apart and put back together, if that’s even possible.

You try your best to shrug off your concerns, and you start to feel more and more at home here. You know what, you have been here your whole life. You grew up here, you have friends here, and you never want to leave.

Despite that, though, you have no idea where your house is. You drive around, searching for anything that looks familiar, to no avail.

You see a woman picking some flowers outside, so you pull over and get out to talk to her.

“Good afternoon!” you wave. “I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Y/N,”

“Hello!” she smiles. “I’m Wanda. Are you one of my neighbors?”

“Oh, um, yeah! I’m in the neighborhood,” you nod. “Those flowers are beautiful. Is there a special occasion?”

“Yes, actually! It’s me and my husband’s anniversary today! I’m planning a romantic evening to surprise him when he gets home. One of my other neighbors gave me some ideas and tips,” she laughs. “Oh there she is again!”

You turn around to look at the house next door, and see the most beautiful human being you’ve ever seen in your life. There’s something familiar about her, like a distant memory. She waves at Wanda, but when she sees you she stares. She can’t take her eyes of you, like she’s seeing a ghost.

“Agnes! Come here a second!” Wanda calls her over. “This is Y/N, she also lives around here. Have you met?”

“Oh…”

She’s wearing a gorgeous yet simple plaid dress, and her smile is captivating. There’s a gleam in her eyes that’s magical, and you find yourself falling a little too hard for someone you just met. You’re not usually the type to lay your heart down so quickly, but something about her is different.

“Oh, no! I don’t think we have!” Agnes snaps out of her trance and shakes your hand. “I’m Agnes,”

“Y/N,”

“Lovely to meet you,” she momentarily turns her attention back to Wanda. “Now, is there anything else you need for tonight? Extra candles, more magazines, makeup?”

“Some more candles would be amazing, thank you,”

“Great, I’ll drop them off in a bit,” Agnes glances at you again. “Would you like me to walk you home, darlin?”

“Sure,” you start walking together down the sidewalk. “I’m sorry if this is weird, but I feel like I know you from somewhere,”

“Do you now?”

“Maybe you just have one of those faces,” you sigh. “Anyway, I honestly can’t remember where my house is. I’ve always been bad with directions,”

“Did you just move here recently?”

“Maybe?” you scratch your head. “I…think I’ve always been here, but maybe I left and came back. Is it weird that I can’t remember?”

“Not at all,” she smiles. “Is this it?”

You look, and there’s a house just a few down from Wanda’s that you can almost swear wasn’t there before. But it looks like home, it looks familiar.

“Yes! This is it!” you race up to the door, and find a key that fits perfectly in your pocket. “How’d you know this was mine?”

“I just had a feeling,” she says.

“Well, thank you very much,” you reply, about to close the door.

“Wait,”

“Hmm?”

“Would you like to get some ice cream tomorrow?”

You nod, a bit surprised she’s so interested in you, “Sure,”

 -

 You meet up again at the ice cream parlor the next day, and you’re shocked when you get there that Agnes has already ordered your favorite, and a couple scoops are in your grasp within a few minutes.

You sit down together and start eating it, “How’d you know this was my favorite?”

“Oh…um, you just seem like that kind of gal?” she takes a spoonful of her own.

When you’re both done, you take a walk around town, waving to other people you think you’ve seen in the neighborhood. It feels a little strange that you’re hanging out with Agnes for hours as if you’ve been friends for years, but at the same time it feels so right. It’s almost like she knows everything about you already, yet everything is still a mystery.

Later in the afternoon you attend the talent show together, and you find yourself laughing especially at Wanda and her husband Vision’s performance. Some of their tricks fool you enough into thinking they might be real, but how could they be? Magic is all just a trick on the eyes, isn’t it?

You say goodbye to everyone and turn in for the night, and you have a strange dream.

Agnes is there, but she looks different. Older? Younger? You’re not sure.

She smiles at you, and takes your face in her hands. She presses a kiss to your lips, and doesn’t let you go until you can’t breathe.

You continue to see snippets of you and her together, each time in a different place, maybe even a different era. You’re happy, it seems, the love is deep and strong, something so good you didn’t think it could exist.

Until the last one.

You’re yelling at each other, but you can’t make out the words, not even your own. You can almost feel tears streaming down your cheeks, and Agnes takes her bags and leaves. You fall on the couch, completely miserable. You can’t tell what happened, but the aching in your chest is enough to tell it was the worst thing you’ve ever experienced.

When you wake up the next morning, you don’t remember anything.

 -

 The world is now in color, but you honestly can’t recall what it looked like yesterday, so it doesn’t seem strange to you.

You get a call from Wanda telling you she’s pregnant, and you congratulate her excitedly. She asks you to keep it under wraps except for close friends, which makes sense since it’s so early on.

Even though you have plenty of time before the baby arrives, you decide to go out to the store and pick out some stuff you could give her. You’ve never had children of your own so you’re not sure exactly what she’d need, but you know the basics, like clothes, teething toys, and blankets.

You look through the racks and piles, picking out a few things you think would be cute.

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant now too, hun,”

You jump, and you see Agnes behind you.

“Oh! Agnes, hi!” you exhale quickly. “No, no, I’m not. I’m just picking up some things for Wanda. Maybe we could plan her a little baby shower or something?”

“I’m just kidding, hun. And that’s a great idea!” she pushes her cart forward a bit. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

You nod as she hurries away.

 -

 As you’re walking home, you see Agnes chatting with one of your other neighbors, Herb. You don’t particularly hear or care what they’re saying, but you stop in your tracks when you see something purple coming out of Agnes’s fingers.

Herb’s eyes roll back for a moment, and then they carry back on in conversation. After a few minutes Vision runs out of the house and talks to them a bit, then they all go their separate ways.

Maybe you were just seeing things, but something about that interaction was really weird.

You catch up with Agnes down the street, saying hello and asking how she is. She doesn’t seem to know you saw what happened, so you decide to ask yourself.

“What was that purple stuff coming out of your hands?”

“What?” she chuckles, scoffing as if you’re crazy. “What are you talking about?”

“I was walking by Wanda’s house earlier and I saw you talking to Herb, and there was something coming out of your hands. Maybe it was just weird light or reflections or something-“

“Oh, yes, that must be it,” she pats your shoulder. “Say, how about we grab some dinner or something?”

“Really?”

She raises a hand and strokes your head and hair, and it feels like a wave of calm rushes over you. She murmurs some words you can’t understand, and you forget what you were going to say.

“What was that for?” you giggle, cheeks flushing a bit at her tender touch.

“Oh, there was just something stuck in your hair, dear,”

 -

 “Agnes,” you say, after taking the last bite of your dinner. You’ve had a wonderful night, you don’t think you’ve smiled and laughed so much in your life, and she makes your heart feel like it’s transcending to peak happiness.

“Hmm?”

“I really love hanging out with you,” you’re too nervous to say the actual words you want to say, and you desperately hope she understands.

“I love hanging out with you too,” she reaches for your hand. “I’ve missed you,”

You cock your head, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she laughs. “It’s just…been awhile since I’ve had someone in my life that I care about so much,”

You sigh as she squeezes your hand, “Do you believe in soulmates?”

“I might,” she grins. “Why?”

“I just…I know it’s so weird, but I feel like there’s something between us that’s beyond our control, you know?” you talk fast, hoping getting all the words out quickly will help you to say what you’ve wanted to say since you first met. “Maybe we were together in another life, another universe, I don’t know, it’s just…it’s not just me, right?”

She shakes her head, and you can almost see a tear in her eye, “No, it’s not just you,” she kisses the palm of your hand. “I wish I could tell you everything, I really do,”

“What do you mean?”

“But I can’t,” she stands up and waves her hand in front of your face, all memories of your conversation slipping from your mind. “It’s for your own protection sweetheart, I promise. Once I figure out how all this is happening, we can be together again,”

 -

 Agnes walks you home that night, but you don’t want to leave. You’ve had such a wonderful time with her, and you can’t bear for it to end.

“Do you want to come inside?” you ask.

“Oh, honey, I don’t think I should,” she laughs.

“Please,” you beg. “Just for a little bit? I have some tea and cookies,”

“Alright,” she sighs. “Just for a little bit,”

You start boiling the water and arrange some cookies on a plate as Agnes sits down on the couch.

“What kind would you like?”

“I’ll take anything,” she says.

You return with a cup and plate for her and plop down on the cushion, “You know I should probably apologize,”

“For what, dear?”

“I just feel like I’ve been a bit forward, which is weird since I’m normally super reserved and shy, but I just feel so comfortable with you, ya know?” you sip your tea. “I feel like I’ve said or done something wrong. I can’t remember what, but I definitely did,”

“Oh darling, no,” Agnes shakes her head. “You’re perfect,”

“Really?”

“Yes, just as you always have been,” she lifts your chin and leans in, capturing your lips. “My everything,”

 -

 You never knew what head over heels felt like until now.

You wake up smiling, barely able to contain your emotions. You kissed Agnes last night. You kissed Agnes last night.

You. You did.

You head over to Wanda’s that morning, wanting to meet the twins and give your gifts. When you walk in they’re crying very loudly and Wanda and Vision look stressed out of their minds.

“Hey, Wanda!” you give her a hug. “Baby troubles?”

“Yeah, they just…won’t stop crying,” she sighs in exhaustion.

“Do you need any help?” you ask. “Also, I got you some stuff,” you hand her the gift bag.

“Oh! Thank you so much!” she smiles in appreciation. “And yeah, could you? I’ve tried everything, but if you have any ideas on how to calm them down go for it,”

You start to rock the cradles a bit, when you hear the doorbell ring.

“Hiya kids!” Agnes strolls in. “Hey hun,” she winks at you.

“Oh Agnes!” Wanda says, relieved to have yet another person to help with the situation. “Oh, Y/N, could you actually grab some milk for them? There’s some formula on the counter in the kitchen,”

“Yeah, sure!” you smile at Agnes, your heart pounding a bit before you turn around to make the milk.

As you’re stirring, you hear Vision escalate into a panic, and then it falls mysteriously silent.

“Do you want me to take that again?” you hear Agnes say.

What?

“You want me to hold the babies, should we just take it from the top?”

You hear Wanda laugh and the conversation continues on normally. You finish mixing up the milk and head toward the living room, but you meet Agnes running in to look for some liquor.

“Agnes! What do you think you’re doing?” you whisper.

“What do you mean? I’m just trying to help with the kids, just like you!”

“Yeah, but, you’re acting really weird,” you shake your head, staring at her in disbelief. “What were you talking about in there? Taking it from the top? What does that even mean?”

“Oh, honey, don’t worry. I’m just a little jazzed up today!” she kisses your cheek.

“Y/N! AGNES! The kids are gone!” Wanda gasps.

You rush in, and all of your turn around towards the stairs to see two definitely not baby boys in front of you.

“Ah, kids. You can’t control ‘em, no matter how hard you try,” Agnes chuckles, taking a sip of her drink.

Are you the only one that finds it strange that the twins randomly grew older right in front of you?

 -

 That evening you go on another date with Agnes. She doesn’t bring up anything that happened this morning, but she does mention the tragedy of Wanda’s family’s dog passing away. You feel awful, especially since they got him recently.

For the most part it’s a normal date, you’re still very much in love with her and you have an amazing time.

But by the end of it when you’re heading back home, the eerie feeling returns, and you can’t keep ignoring it. You need answers, and you need them now.

“Something’s not right here, Agnes,” you observe. “Everyone here acts weird, especially Wanda and Vision, and even you sometimes. I don’t get it,”

“Darling-“

“No!” you snap. “Every single time I’ve brought up feeling weird with you or in this town in general you distract me so I forget about it. You know something Agnes, I can tell you do. Why won’t you be honest with me? If we’re gonna do this relationship thing, we need to be honest with each other,”

She takes a deep breath, “I can’t,”

“Why not?”

“I can’t now, but I will,” she says. “This weekend, Halloween. Meet me at my house and I’ll tell you and show you everything,”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise,” she nods, then leans in to kiss you. “I just have to do a few more things first,”

She walks away.

 -

 You stand outside her house on Halloween just as she asked, dressed in a cheap witch costume you found in your closet.

“Oh, look at us!” Agnes opens the door, eyeing you up and down and grinning. “We match!”

You laugh as she takes you hand and leads you to her car.

Before she pulls out, she turns to you, a glaze of fear in her eyes.

“Are you sure you want to know everything?”

“Yes,” you nod.

“Okay,” she presses down the pedal and drives.

She passes by all the familiar streets, into the neighborhoods you’ve never seen. There’s people outside that are barely moving, and the farther you go, the more frozen they become. It begins to scare you a bit, but you trust Agnes to explain everything to you when you get to your destination.

She finally stops the car at the last stop sign on the edge of town, and everything ahead looks like an empty field.

“You don’t remember how you got to Westview, do you?” she asks.

“No,” you shake your head. “I think I’ve been here a while, but my past is fuzzy,”

“But somehow you have memories of me?”

“I…” you search your thoughts. “I felt like I recognized you when we first met, yeah. But I don’t think they were actually memories,” you look into her eyes. “Why, do you think they’re real memories or something?”

“I know they are,”

“You mean, we were together before?”

“Yes,” she nods, and her gaze falls to the floor, unable to look at you. “But it didn’t end well. I made a lot of mistakes, and you asked me to leave, so I did. I’ve been all over the place, and I ended up here. Then all of a sudden, you were here too,”

You can’t believe what you’re hearing, “How come I don’t remember any of that?”

“Wanda created and controls this town. She wiped and changed your memories,”

“Wanda?” you scoff. “How would she even do that? And even if someone could do that, why would they? She’s so nice, you really think she’s controlling me?”

“I don’t know how she’s doing it, that’s what I’m trying to find out. But I know it’s her. She’s the only other magical being in this town, and she got her powers from an infinity stone. Maybe it’s just that, maybe she’s a mutant, maybe it’s chaos magic, I don’t know. But she’s the one,”

You shake your head, almost giggling at how ridiculous it sounds, “Agnes, no, you’re not making any sense. Magic? Infinity stones? Mutants? Are you serious? Come on, just tell me the truth,”

“I am telling you the truth,”

“Stop lying to me!” you storm out the car door, walking back towards town. Agnes calls after you, but you keep going. “I can’t be with you if all you’re going to tell me is complete bullshit!”

“Y/N!”

Your feet lift off the ground and you spin around, flying through the air towards her. You scream, and you see that same purple smoke coming out of her fingers that you saw before. She pulls you against her, one arm wrapped around your waist and another cradled around your head.

“It’ll all make sense now, sweetheart,”

She whispers a spell and all the memories flood back into your mind. Your real first meeting, your first kiss, your first date. Your wedding day, your first house. You see every moment, the good and the bad, the way she looked at you like you’re an angel every single day. You relive every anniversary, every holiday together, every tradition you shared, and finally the last moments together, and the day you decided you wanted your beloved wife back.

“Agatha?” you whisper.

“Yes,” she crashes her lips to yours, taking in everything she loves, everything she missed. You wrap your arms around her neck, kissing her deeply, a smile escaping every so often. You don’t care that it’s messy, you don’t care if your teeth get in the way, you’re in love and you never want to let her go again.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” she exhales, breathless.

“No, I’m sorry,” you say between more kisses. “I can’t live without you Agatha. I can’t,”

“It’s okay, we’re together again,” she slithers her fingers into your hair.

“But what now?” you wipe your teary eyes. “If you’re right about Wanda using magic to control everything, what do we do?”

“I’ve been dropping clues to make Vision suspicious, and I’ve been trying to get her to crack,” she says. “I have a feeling she might make it all crumble on her own. If it’s chaos magic like I think it is, it’s unpredictable and she might lose control if she keeps it up much longer,”

“Do you…think she’s doing it on purpose?”

“She has some consciousness of it, yes, but I don’t think she’s trying to hurt anyone,” Agatha replies. “But at the same time, I don’t think she’d hesitate to hurt anyone either if someone threatened her,”

“Oh,” you fall back in her arms a bit so you can look up at her. “How come you didn’t return my memories when we first met again?”

“I wanted to protect you. I was afraid you might get targeted if Wanda found out you remembered who you are, I doubt she’d hurt you but I couldn’t risk it,” she runs her thumb along your cheek. “Plus I thought it might be fun to fall in love with you all over again,”

You laugh, “It was kind of fun,”

She pulls you in for another kiss, “I love you, sweetheart,”

“I love you too,”

She holds you close, making up for all the lost time. You’re not sure what will happen or what you’ll have to deal with next, but you’ll do it together. Always, no matter what.

[aforrestofstuff]

What type of kid do you think the OPM characters were at school? I know not all of them went to school, but what if....

Thanks for the request anon! I’ve basically just written a handy-dandy little high school au for y’all lmfao.

OPM Characters in High School

Tornado of Terror: Absolutely 0 respect for authority. She’s tiny, but she can fucking fight and everyone knows it. For that reason, she’s feared and avoided at all costs. She often feels lonely because of this and finds it hard to make new friends, but she’d rather go through high school suffering alone before she dare let anyone get close.

Silverfang: Tries to recruit his peers into this little club he’s made where he tries to teach martial arts but the only kid that joins is this little shit named Charanko that doesn’t really care at all about what’s being taught. He’s really reliable in group projects and is overall a good student, albeit a little wise beyond his years.

Atomic Samurai: The kid that drinks alcohol under the bleachers during transition periods. He fails almost every class except one. However, in that one class, he is an absolute genius. His talents are few and niche but he really soars when given the chance to embrace his full potential. He’s really dogmatic and almost rude at times, but he’s managed to get himself a small group of friends that are keen on following him ‘till the end.

Child Emperor: Prodigy student. Straight A’s, extracurriculars, extra credit, you name it. He aces it all. Everyone wants to get a peek at his homework and he obliges kindly almost all of the time out of pure politeness. He’s also in marching band because he gets a thrill out of dooting a trumpet (is that an instrument in band? I can’t fucking remember). Overall, he’s very well-liked, although not respected. People kind of walk all over him because they know he’s all-too-eager to lend a helping hand.

Metal Knight: Polar opposite to Child Emperor. He’s a prodigy student as well, but he will NEVER lend a helping hand to anyone. If you’re paired with him in a group project, he’ll just brush you off and do the whole thing himself because he doesn’t trust anyone else with his grade. Teachers get pissed off at him because he’s always correcting them during class. He pushes people around and treats his peers as if they were lesser than him based solely on their intelligence, and thus doesn’t have many (if any) friends.

King: Doesn’t study at all but still gets A’s somehow. He’s got the teachers fooled thinking he’s some sort of prodigy kid, when really he just finds ways to copy off of other people’s work. He’s got a PSP under the table at all times during lectures and sits alone during lunch. People think he’s mysterious and cool but he’s really just an anxious kid trying to get by.

Zombieman: The cool, mysterious kid that skips class and smokes outside. The teachers don’t mind him because he doesn’t cause any trouble. He’s only got a handful of friends, one of those being Child Emperor (whom he’s really close to) and people think he’s just trying to cheese himself out of a failing grade by copying off of CE when he’s really fine all on his own. He’s surprisingly smart and quick-witted, just not in the way that report cards show. Still though, he passes with solid Bs and Cs.

Drive Knight: Set the school on fire once. Blackmailed a principal on the basis that they were having an affair and threatened to release this information unless they extended lunch period. Studies hard and gets good grades only to compete with Metal Knight. Their rivalry is well-known in school and everyone thinks it’s just a joke but Drive Knight is dead serious.

Pig God: The lunch ladies have second servings ready the minute he walks into the cafeteria because they know he eats like a horse. He doesn’t say shit in class and is overall just really quiet and shy. People bully him because he’s the fat kid with no social skills, but he’s really nice to the few friends that he has. Teachers either pity him or join the bullies in picking on him. It’s kind of sad.

Superalloy Darkshine: Football jock. He’s a little dumb but he’s actually the sweetest person ever. People often try to take advantage of him because he’s always ready to help, but he’s got a lot of friends that warn him when that happens. He’s overall just the most supportive, warm-hearted, social butterfly in school and he brightens up every room he walks in to. Nobody dislikes him. The coaches all put their faith in him during the season and he always delivers with winning scores (I don’t know shit about football lol).

Watchdog Man: Does absolutely buttfuck nothing in school. He only does the bare minimum. Like, he’s so close to flunking out that he’s among the bottom 1% in the student body. Still, somehow, he always pulls through just before finals and comes out with a barely passing grade. Every. Single. Year. He has no friends, doesn’t talk to anyone, and never raises his hand in class. People wonder if he’s actually a student or a ghost that wandered in.

Flashy Flash: Track star. Fastest kid this side of the fuckin continent. He put the school on the map by winning so many championships. He’s ridiculously handsome and has a lot of secret admirers too, but he ignores all of that to focus on sports. Even the teachers kiss his ass because he’s kind of a legend. Although everyone wants to be his friend, however, he’s actually quite the loner. He spends his down time during school hours running on the track or sitting alone to read a good book.

Genos: Teacher’s pet. Absolute ass-kisser. He tries his absolute best to study and never wastes a single second not having his nose in a textbook but still only manages to get Bs. It frustrates the living hell out of him. He’s adopted a lot of unhealthy ways to stay awake during the school day because he spends all night going above and beyond on homework, like drinking a full pot of coffee or smuggling energy drinks into class. He follows Saitama around because he wants to learn the secret to getting good grades without actually trying.

Metal Bat: He’s intimidating and mean-looking. Upon first glance, you might think he was a bully but it’s actually the other way around. He doesn’t tolerate bullshit like that while he’s in the vicinity and is not afraid to cuss anyone out should they ever pick on another student, teachers included. He’s been reprimanded so many times for that exact reason and has gotten a plaque in the principal’s office for breaking the district record. He’s a pretty shit student, but it’s not because he’s dumb. He’s actually pretty witty, but due to his terrible dyslexia and devotion to his little sister, his grades have suffered.

Tanktop Master: Best friends with Superalloy. Together, they carry the football scene for the entire school. He’s a bit smarter and quieter, but he’s just as nice. He aces all of his classes and is the sole reason Superalloy isn’t failing because he allows this dumbass to copy his work. He has a crazy amount of secret admirers but disregards them to hang out with his homies on the football team instead (and he always wears tanktops to school lol).

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Theater kid with such a drastic flair for the dramatic that people have actually gotten hurt trying to act out his ridiculous ideas. He’s super huge for his age and people often mistake him as a teacher. He’s one of those kids that have a full-grown beard at age 17 and he doesn’t quite know how to take care of it or shave properly yet so it’s kind of gross and patchy. Also, he’s the resident gay kid. It’s embarrassing.

Amai Mask: Also a theater kid but he’s way better at it. On top of that, he’s a choir star. Whenever there’s an opening for a solo, it always goes to him. There’s an ongoing conspiracy that all of his teachers pick him as favorite despite him being a bit of a dick at times but it’s still up in the air. He’s ridiculously attractive and has an outrageous amount of secret admirers, but he actually makes an effort to humor them and “entertain the crowd”. He’s still single, however, and devotes all of his time to mastering his craft in the ✨fine arts✨ (and singing. Idk if that counts as a ✨fine art✨ but whatever).

Iaian: Kamikaze’s best friend. They do everything together. He’s a bit of a doormat, though. He’s always seen carrying Kami’s books or doing his homework. Despite all that, he still manages to maintain an A-B average. He’s very studious and studies hard while participating in sports, despite only having one arm. The other kids would bully him for it but nobody wants to be known as the dick that picks on a disabled person (and rightfully so. Shit’s fucked up). He’s pretty quiet, serious, and mostly keeps to himself. Teachers always trust him to turn his work in on time and set an example for the rest of the class.

Okamaitachi: Another one of Kami’s best friends. She doesn’t fall for his bullshit though. She’s always seen in ridiculously fashionable outfits and holds a separate bag just to carry her extra change of clothes (in addition to her gym outfit). She always looks her best and does her best, super high energy 24/7. She’s a social butterfly and makes friends easily, especially while doing theater. She’s not as exceptional as Amai Mask, but she’s still talented in her own right.

Bushidrill: Yet another best friend of Kami’s. He also doesn’t fall for his bullshit. Bushi is another one of those kids that has a full beard at age 17, but he actually knows how to take care of it. He’s weirdly wise beyond his years and is everyone’s go-to for advice when they find themselves in a bad situation. He drinks illegally as well but keeps it a secret because he’s not an idiot (unlike Kami). Overall, he just keeps to himself and minds his own damn business despite knowing everyone’s drama.

Fubuki: Networking queen. She was voted “most likely to be a CEO” in the school yearbook. She’s head of the student body and negotiates like a pro. She’ll organize events and get good grades all while still managing to find the time to hang out with her friends outside of school. She’s always go go go 24/7. Nobody knows her and Tatsu are sisters, though. She doesn’t go out of her way to keep it a secret, but she would feel pretty terrible if people found out because she doesn’t want to be compared with anyone else.

Saitama: Does buttfuck nothing in class and never studies but still gets As anyways because he remembers all of the material effortlessly. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he was one of those insanely gifted kids that never developed a work ethic because he’s never had to struggle to get by academic-wise. He minds his own damn business and stays out of everyone’s shit but still manages to get caught up in a ton of drama somehow. He shares his lunches with Genos because Genos often forgets to eat. Fubuki has tries to recruit him into student government but he refuses each time. All in all, just an average kid that is always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Mumen Rider: Studies hard, is a teacher’s pet, and gets perfect grades. His mom packs him really nice, healthy lunches and she leaves little love notes in there so he knows he’s got a good family waiting for him back home. The reason for that being, he gets bullied a lot. There’s no real reason why. He’s a nice kid and there’s nothing wrong with him, but a lot of his peers see him as an easy target because he’s scrawny and wimpy. He does have a handful of friends though. One of those being Saitama, who stands up to those bullies on behalf of Mumen.

Sonic: Wild card. He’s also on the track team and it’s just as good as Flash. They’re rivals and everyone knows it. He and Flash were childhood best friends until they drifted apart sometime before junior high, only to meet again while doing sports at the beginning of freshman year. Coaches often pit them against each other because it’s fun to watch the top two go at it. Academic-wise, he sucks. He’s the dumbest motherfucker in all of his classes and manages to get by solely because he uses his status as track star to get everyone to let him copy their work.

Garou: Another wild card. Teachers absolutely hate him. He’s loud-mouthed, awkward, and doesn’t really fit in. He has a lot of interests and wishes to get into some extracurriculars or clubs but he’s too worried about getting bullied. Like Mumen, there’s nothing really wrong with him. He’s not a dick for no reason, but people just see him as an easy target somehow and decide to pick on him relentlessly. He and Silverfang were once friends, but Silverfang betrayed him sometime before the start of the new year. His grades are atrocious because he can’t focus during class. Someone help this boy.

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

Candy | Tamaki Amajiki x Villain!Reader

Disclaimer: Tamaki is over the age of 18 since the reader is 22. Pronouns used: She/her. Length: 2k words.  Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism... yeah this took a turn for the worst lol there’s nothing graphic though.

Summary: You’ve had your eye on the most amazing hero ever, Suneater. It’s time you finally claim your prize.

Full Name: (y/f/n) Quirk: Candy; the user's body smells and tastes like candy. Smelling hypnotizes the victim and tasting drives them mad until the user is there to control them. Age: 22 Villain Name: (v/n) (something candy-related or you can just be called Candy). Villain Rank: A

She had watched him for a long while, she'd been in love with him for a long time and she was going to make him her own. (f/n) hung off the edge of the large building, her (long/short) (h/c) locks flowed in the wind; her beautiful (e/c) eyes watched his frame as he followed Fat Gum and Red Riot. Her red, glossy lips tilted up into a smile as she pulled herself back up onto the roof.

"You will be mine, Tamaki Amajiki. The world will see your downfall." She whispered to herself, a look of pure evil in her eyes.

During a villain attack, Tamaki had been separated from both Kirishima and Fat Gum and was currently looking for them. He ran into an alleyway, in search of a shortcut, when he felt something hit the back of his head. Stopping, he turned his head and looked up, only able to catch sight of glowing (e/c) eyes and (long/short) hair flowing in the wind. The figure jumped down a distance away and started to run.

This could've been another villain, so Tamaki decided to ditch the search for Fat Gum and Kirishima, instead choosing to chase after the figure. The figure ran deeper into the alley, being followed by the pro-hero-in-training. Tamaki noted that he could smell something sweet... and it definitely wasn't the dirty alley. It must've been the girl. The two zigzagged through the darkened street until the figure stopped in front of a dead end.

Tamaki came to a halt behind them and he realized the figure was a woman. His eyes widened as his cheeks turned red when he noticed their outfit (Preferably something skin-tight or short). The outfit hugged her figure, her curves, especially her butt. She turned around, her (e/c) eyes meeting his. He felt a shiver slither down his spine which made him clench his fists.

"Suneater, what a pleasure this is." Her voice was so... sultry. "You chose to give up the search for your friends... to come after me? Oh! How sweet!" She slowly approached him, her (heels/shoes) clicking on the ground, echoing in the silent alley. Her slender hand touched his arm, slowly moving to his shoulder, then his back, all the way around to his chest, as she walked around him. He inhaled, her sweet scent filling his nose. So it was her. "My, my, I can feel your muscles." The shy hero's face turned a deeper shade of red as he felt the need to hide against the wall.

"Wh-who... a-ar-" Her finger came up to her own lips, silencing him. Her glossy lips twitched up into a smile.

"You'd be such a wonderful villain," his eyes widened as he realized she was the enemy. "The villain: Suneater! Sounds terrifying, no?" She laughed. "Imagine, going up against Fat and Red Riot, showing them your true powers! Being on our side... how I long to see you as a villain. Come on, Suneater. Won't you join me." His shocked expression turned into a glare as he backed up. The audacity.

"I'll never be a villain!" This made her laugh even more.

"Oh, Suneater... so you can yell. Your demeanor is so interesting... you're so shy yet you want to be a hero. Do you realize the confidence that requires? You're easily put off when someone so much as insults you, you can't handle criticism, and when you're in front of a crowd, you freak and need to run away. What kind of hero is that? At least... Lemillion isn't like that." Tamaki felt the anxiety start to creep in as the woman spoke. "You're not made to be a hero Suneater. You can't handle what it takes to be a hero." Her smile was gone, replaced by a dark look. "Join me."

"NEVER!" He yelled, readying himself for a fight. "I'll be a hero! I'll be just like Lemillion and all the others!" Before he could react, the girl was already in front of him, her lips on his. His eyes widened, his body turning into a statue. Her lips were so... sweet... literally. The taste was like candy... sweet (flavor of candy). The girl pulled away, looking up to meet his terrified eyes.

"You've finally met your match." She moved away and started to scale the building and Tamaki was able to see her agility and acrobatic skills. Within ten seconds, she had reached the top and disappeared into the night.

Shaking his head, he turned around and ran out of the alley, continuing his search for Fat Gum and Red Riot. When he did find them, he was sure to tell them about the woman he'd met. Fat Gum asked him plenty of questions and Tamaki answered them all honestly, even telling him about the kiss. Fat Gum had never heard of the woman before and reassured Tamaki that everything would be fine and to keep his distance from the woman.

~**~

As the days went on, Tamaki found himself more restless than usual. That night, when he'd returned home, all he could think about was the woman. Her (your figure) figure invaded his mind, how her outfit showed off those curves, how beautiful her eyes were... how delectably sweet those lips were.

Tamaki was able to push those thoughts away for the first three days, after that, all he could think about was her. He found it harder to focus on hero work, he was unable to hold conversations, his mind kept returning to her when she walked around him, and especially that kiss. He would often dream about the kiss and their short interaction. Sometimes he'd fantasize about meetings, whether they were just talking, kissing, or doing more intimate things.

About a week later, he was a complete mess. He'd pushed himself to go tell Fat Gum, who'd invited more heroes to come help. Nejire, Mirio, Red Riot, and members from the Nighteye Agency were also there as they decided to finally track down the woman.

"I-I can't get her out of my head," Tamaki explained. "All I think about is her! I don't think I've had a minute where I've thought about something else." The male gripped his head as more images of her returned to him. "I... I need her."

"Tamaki!" Mirio called, running to his friend, who'd fallen to his knees. Nejire also ran to him, along with Fat Gum and Kirishima.

"Whatever's affecting you must be part of her quirk. We'll need to find her as soon as we can." Fat Gum stated making Tamaki look up at him.

"Yes! I need to see her!" The desperation in his eyes terrified the others. Whatever she did to him was ruining him.

"No, you can't. You have to stay away from her." Fat Gum responded with, causing the indigo-haired male to argue back. However, the decision had been made. No matter what he said, everyone was against him. Soon, he surrendered, agreeing to stay back while the others went looking for the woman. Due to the way Tamaki was acting, they couldn’t trust him and believed it was best if he was locked in a room so he couldn't leave.

Tamaki restlessly moved around the room, returning every now and then to bang on the door, screaming for help. He could feel himself unraveling and falling apart, he needed that girl. He needed her right now!

His eyes landed on the window, where he could see the night sky outside. The stars winking at him- taunting him. He got up, running the window and looking down. He was so high up and jumping would kill him, no doubt. He hadn’t had any chicken that day, so he wouldn’t be able to manifest a pair of wings to save him.

Tamaki backed away, falling onto the ground and crawling to the wall behind him, letting out a scream as he punched the walls repeatedly. He could hear her voice, he could hear her laughter and it was so annoying! Why couldn’t she just leave him alone?! Why couldn’t she just go away?!

Tamaki stopped suddenly when there was a crash behind him. He froze, unable to move, until a familiar scent filled his nose. He frantically turned around, seeing the same woman behind him.

She stood tall with a smirk as he crawled over to her, kneeling before her. (f/n) could see how her quirk had affected him and she couldn't have been happier. Tamaki could feel a sense of relief as soon as he saw her, breathing out as he felt his mind started to feel clearer. The woman crouched down in front of him, holding a bag in her head.

"I've brought you food, Suneater." He, without hesitation, took the bag from her hand and opened it up. He could smell his favorite inside. Before he could take the food out, the girl suggested they move to the table, to which he accepted.

He began eating, feeling as normal as he did before meeting the girl. He didn't know what her quirk was and to be frank, he didn't care. He had her and he was happy. The girl watched silently with an amused look on her face as he ate.

"Tell me Suneater," She started, making him look up at her as he swallowed a piece of meat. Unsure of whether it was pork or not, tasted awful lot like it. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." He responded, causing the woman to smile. "I-I don't even know y-your name." He stuttered, looking away with a blush on his face.

"I'm (y/f/n), a pleasure to meet you."

"N-nice to meet you too." He stated as he continued to eat. The two made small talk until he was completely finished with this food.

"Suneater?" He looked up at her again. "Will you join me now?"

"Yes," Tamaki responded without hesitation. He pulled the girl onto his lap, hugging her close, breathing in her scent. Her skin smelled so sickeningly sweet... just like the air around her. He tried to hold back, he tried to control himself, but it was so hard when his object of desire was finally in his arms. 

Unable to help himself, his tongue grazed across her exposed shoulder. It was her skin... that's what emitted that beautiful scent. He noted that her skin wasn’t as sugary as her lips. Her sweet aroma matched her taste. "You... your skin tastes... good. So good."

“Thank you.” (f/n) responded quietly, letting him do as he pleased. He’d fallen into her trap and there was no one that could save him now.

“Just like... (candy).”

"What do humans taste like, Tamaki?" She asked suddenly after a few minutes of being quiet. He kissed her neck, needing more of whatever she was. He was caught off guard by her question, but in his mind, he hoped it was like her.

"I don't know."

"You should,” she proclaimed “you just had some." She felt him freeze, the arm around her waist tightening.

"Wh-what?" His eyes widened, his heart started beating wildly in his chest, and he felt dizzy. No... he... she was lying!

"Relax. It's just a human. Nothing crazy." He could feel the food starting to push its way up again. No, he was a hero! He was a hero and- and- he... was a hero. “There, there, Suneater. Who cares, you just needed me right?” Any bit of hesitation and resolution he had left shattered right then and there. She had succeeded in breaking him.

Instead of letting go and pushing her away, Tamaki hugged her closer, closing his eyes and resting his nose against the back of her neck. Who cared? He had her and that's all he wanted. "Let's get you out of here, Suneater."

~**~

"What do you mean he's gone?!" Fat Gum yelled, as he'd arrived at his own agency where they’d left Tamaki. However, the entire place was a mess and apparently, he'd broken out, killing anyone who got in his way. The team had been searching all day and had finally returned for the night; needing some much-earned rest. However, they weren't nearly prepared for what they heard next.

"It's worse. He... ate some people." Mirio and Nejire's eyes widened as their hearts stopped. "He killed that woman," The officer pointed towards the ambulance. Their gazes followed suit and they saw an arm that had chunks taken off. "He ate part of her arm. There was a woman with him, I believe the woman you were looking for. She broke through the window in his room... we're unsure about what happened but he left like this. Claiming he'd eat everything... including the sun."

The aftermath was terrifying. The heroes looked upon multiple dead bodies with large chunks taken off their bodies. Tamaki had eaten parts of the people he killed and because of how powerful he was, no one could stop him. Anyone who survived was alive because they managed to escape, meaning Tamaki wasn’t chasing them down. Now, he was gone with that woman. Mirio vowed to find his best friend and bring him back, even if he barely knew where to start.

[itzagothamcitysiren]

There’s Only Us Left Now

An update two days in a row? Wow, there really is something wrong with me lol. 

I’m feeling slightly better after taking the morning to just take care of myself. I got the haircut that I’ve needed since like before covid started. I got my oil change that needed to be change since June. And I went to Ulta and got a new eye shadow pallete and Old Navy for some flannels.  Now I’m going to eat my Taco Bell and get back into writing this! 

Thanks again to those who are still reading this <3 This chapters a little shorter than what I usually write but I wanted to show stuff from Tim’s POV. 

I Had a Dream I Was a Vigilante’s Side Kick pt. 4

           Tim Drake was a considerably patient kid as having patience was a requirement in his family. Having strong shoulders was another one as the amount of bullshit his father piled onto them would overwhelm the average fifteen year old. Tim wasn’t the strongest but up until now he was pretty damned sure that he was strong enough to deal with it.

           He ran his hands through his hair again. His back still leaned against his bedroom door that separated him from the living room. The conversation he could hear from the opposing side was going just as badly as the one he had yesterday with Halley Wilson had gone. He closed his eyes when he heard his father’s grunt and the sound of him being hit in the gut.

           Okay, maybe it was going worse.

           Tim wanted to step out and help his father but he wasn’t an idiot. Oswald Cobblepot’s cronies, as thick headed as they were, could easily make Tim regret any stand of rebellion. That was why he banked all his cards into the famed batfamily. They could give him the skills he needed to protect his family from the consequences of his father’s life choices. He would’ve been able to stop this.

           He knew he could’ve simply asked for help but what would they really have done? Batman wasn’t the Batman he once was. Like he had told Halley, he was darker, more brutal as he fought. Tim grew up idolizing the hero and like any kid in Gotham wanted to be the next Robin. But unlike all those other kids Tim was fit for the job.

           Hell he had figured out that Bruce Wayne was Batman. He found out all of their identities. Tim knew how to track them down and where to find them. He’d tailed Halley for weeks without her noticing him. She was supposed to be his ticket in. He failed of course. He knew his chances of actually getting her on his side were slim but he thought he’d get further than he had.  At the time, he was unaware the details but he knew there had to be some big reason for her to quit being Nightshade. He was naïve to think he could get her back into the game with him tagging along.

           “He died because of the Joker.” Halley’s words echoed in his head as he heard his father let out another grunt. Tim knew that there was a risk being Batman’s sidekick and he had a hunch that the whole skiing accident story about Jason Todd was in fact just a story and held no real truth.

           Tim pulled away from the door quiet as to not alert the goons invading his house that he was home. His dad was a screw up that much Tim knew but like Tim he wasn’t an idiot. He made idiotic decisions like taking out a loan with the Penguin that he knew he wouldn’t be able to pay back but he wasn’t stupid. He was just desperate; he was desperate to save his failing business and make a better life for his family. Tim could relate trying to rake through his mind for a solution for his failed attempt yesterday.

           He made his way to his balcony. They only lived on the third floor and the climb down by the fire escape wasn’t that hard. He could go try again. Maybe explain his situation better. Maybe Halley would put the cape and mask back on just to help him take down Penguin? No, she wouldn’t. But if he had to deduce anything he’d be pretty confident in saying that she told the other me members of the batfamily about him knowing their secret. He could use that to go straight to Batman. The taxi ride out to Wayne Manor wasn’t the worst. It was only a little more expansive than boy could afford right now but it could possibly be worth it.

           He rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he looked out at the streets below him. Would it be worth it though? His father got them in too deep with one of the biggest crime bosses of Gotham. Batman would just slap him around a bit and then send him to Arkham in which Cobblepot would just live out his sentence in luxury until he was let out. His family would still be indebted with him and in trouble when he got out. And he would get out; he always got out.

           Tim’s eyes lit with a spark an idea flashing across his mind.  He was either a genius or he was either insane. Beyond insane, he decided to himself before softly rushing back into his room, but extremely genius.

           He stood still hearing the intruders bidding farewell too his father with a demand for him to make sure he can pay up at their next visit. Tim looked down knowing his dad was most likely making his way to the bathroom to lick his wounds before his mother caught home from work. Unlike his mother, Tim wasn’t kept in the dark from his father’s misfortune, having caught his father during another one of his meetings some time ago.

           Once Tim heard the front door be locked and the bathroom door close, he picked up his step and made his way to his desk. He opened up his laptop, logging in and setting himself off to work. His fingers typed furiously, his eyes flickered across the screen and his mind was pushed the farthest it had ever been pushed. Tim was great with computers. So great that he was able to not only use it to track down Halley but when he was first learning how to hack he had been able to award himself a full scholarship to Gotham Academy.

           Tim was smart enough to get in but his guidance counselor never got around to submitting his application in time. You gotta love Gotham’s amazing public school system, Tim huffed, remembering how little the counselor cared about her delay. And it wasn’t like Tim’s parents could really afford to send him themselves right now. Maybe a couple of years ago when his father had just begun stepping into the higher class of Gotham. But that was before he made a couple of bad deals that lead them to where they were now.

           The fifteen year old cracked his knuckles the time passing by quickly as he continued to work. The sun setting and then rising didn’t faze him. He was done by the time he was supposed to be waking up and getting ready for school. He smirked as he closed the laptop knowing his work was done. He had managed to do exactly what Batman failed to do. He finally found a way to take Oswald Cobblepot down for good.

           The smug smile he wore from the moment he closed his laptop to the moment he walked to school and to the moment he sat in the library alone during lunch never faded. He was already the weird, poor, outcasted kid in the school but he didn’t care if the twisted smile he had on helped his case or not. He was happy; he stuck it right where it hurt. Oswald deserved everything Tim did last night.

           He jingled his house keys, a certain pep in his step as he walked down the hallway to his apartment. His book bag slung over his shoulder, the day going by as quick as a breeze. He wanted to tell his dad what he did but he knew that it was a secret he was meant to keep. He hummed to himself as he opened the door to the apartment.

           For the first time since it appeared, the self-righteous look on his face was torn right off.      His eyes scanned around the kitchen, the open dining area shown off as well. His eyes nearly blew out of his skull as he saw the disarray the rooms were in. The side table where they all left their keys and mail was knocked over as if someone was pushed into it in some sort of scuffle. The dining room table was top side as well one of the chair broken and tossed off to the side.

           He felt his heart stop quietly closing the door behind him and ignoring every instinct to run away. He could hear soft sobs. They sounded like his mother. Oh no, he thought dreadfully. There was no way Cobblepot knew it was him. There was no way. Tim used every form of protection he had. He used firewall after firewall, decoy vpn after decoy vpn. Tim was so sure he was careful. And if he knew how did he find out so quickly?

           “Mom?” he called out, his voice shaking. On his way to the living room, where the sound of her cries were coming from, he stopped in the kitchen and grabbed the first thing he could find. It was a frying pan but it would do. “Mom.” He called out again stepping over one of the chairs on the floor.

           “Mom!” He called out when he got sight of her. She sat on the couch, her head in her hands and shoulders shaking. The small living room was just as a mess as the first half of the house. Tim crouched down in front of her, resting a hand on her shoulders. “Are you okay? What happened?”

           His mother raised her head, staring at her son with her tear reddened eyes. She choked out a sob before launching herself at him and pulling him into a tight embrace. Her words were hard to understand as she began to talk, but Tim knew what happened.

           “They took your father! They wouldn’t tell me why! I don’t even know who they are. They just came in and did this,” She cried, releasing her son and motioned to the apartment. “They said if I called the cops they’d kill him. I don’t know what to do.”

           Tim bit his lip knowing exactly what happened and who they were. He stood up heading out of the living room and to his room. His mother followed him still obviously shaken and didn’t know what her son was up too or why he looked so unsurprised. Tim took a quick peek at his desk. His fear was confirmed when he saw that it was missing. He cursed to himself. His mother always said Tim and his father were two peas in a pod but he never believed it until now.

           “Mom,” he said placing both hands on her shoulder.  “You need to get out of the city. Go to Gram’s house. I know who can help us but it’s not safe for you.”

           “Excuse you?” the woman exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips. “What are you talking about? No, what I’m going to do is go to the police. It’s what I should’ve done.” She sniffled, wiping her face and moving to head to the phone in the kitchen.

           Tim beat her too it, snatching it out of her hands and smashing it onto the floor and stomping on it. He rubbed his foot in it and looked up at her apologetically.

           “Timothy!” She cried out.

           “I’m sorry but don’t call them. They’re serious. They’ll kill Dad.” Tim explained as he began to back away. “Go to Gram’s.” He repeated before making a dash to the front door and bolting out of the apartment before his mother could stop him.

           He ignored her screaming after him and raced out and onto the streets of Gotham. He pushed past people, shouting out apologies. His breath was heavy as he ran making his way in desperation to Gotham University.

[notcanoncompliant]

Ain’t On the Surface

(WinterIron) I wrote this one a while back, please be kind lol

*************************

"You're leaving me for him?" Steve exclaims, anger quickly overtaking the hurt disbelief on his face.

James' jaw is so tight he's surprised his teeth aren't cracking. "No, Stevie." He pretends not to see Steve flinch at the nickname. "I'm leaving because you lied. You knew I murdered his parents, and you lied. You lied to me, you lied to Tony. There are other things, but, I just--" James hesitates, looks down, swallows. "You're not the guy I fell in love with, anymore."

He looks back up.

And that's it.

That's the end of the Great American Love Story, the legendary, 'star-spangled romance' that spanned almost ten decades. Through war, through incalculable violence and years of separation, after an impossible, insane reunion, and, fuck, an engagement--James winces internally--it's over.

He pulls off the ring and sets it down on the kitchen island between them. Steve makes a sound like the wind's been knocked out of him. His expression fits: shock, breathlessness, pain.

"It's over, Steve."

***

James isn't sure how long he's been hitting the reinforced bag; he'd lost track after the first hour.

Tony finds him.

"Hey, Armed and Dangerous, those bags don't grow on trees, you know."

James stops, halts the swing of the bag. He steels himself a moment, and then smirks over this shoulder.

"Yeah, well, a certain benefactor of mine has more money than God himself, and probably more brains than that; I'm sure he could find a way to make it happen."

It earns him a chuckle, and part of James preens in spite of his mood.

"Seems like a worthwhile endeavor," Tony says. He stops a couple feet from James and looks at him. His eyes are warm, but concerned; searching.

"You okay, Frosty?"

James gives him a tight smile, and turns back to the bag.

"I--uh. I ended things. With Steve." He chews his lip for a moment. Inhaling audibly, he turns back to face Tony, who looks dumbfounded. James shrugs one shoulder, sighs.

"It was coming a while. Just counting down to that last straw, you know?" He huffs a laugh.

"It never really occurred to me; us not being a unit. 'Til the end of the line', and all that." The ache radiates through James' chest, and he fights the urge to hug himself. He doesn't really want to bring Tony into this; it's not Tony's problem. It'd be easier to just push this aside for a little while and be superficial with the snarky genius.

He looks up, intending to crack some joke to steer them away from the storm that is James Barnes' personal life, but the words die on his tongue.

Tony looks...guilty.

Well, a mix of things, really: guilt is the most prominent, but there's disbelief and surprise, worry and....hope?

Before James can address any of what he's seeing, Tony's face shutters. His dark eyes go flat, tense, and his press-mask sympathetic smile doesn't reach them.

"Sorry, Buckaroo. That's rough stuff. I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any of that Asgardian stuff laying around--I've got scotch. Wouldn't do much for you, but symbolically..."

James doesn't know what to say.

The billionaire keeps going. "Or vodka, if you're looking for a taste of the motherland--"

"Tony."

"--all I'm saying is we've got options, Barnes, options. They're limited to various kinds of liquor at the moment, but if you're looking for something in particular, I'm sure we could--"

"Stark."

Tony pulls up short, jaw clicking shut.

Bucky closes his eyes, suddenly tired. He wipes a hand down his sweat-tacky face, and looks to the side, over the other man's shoulder. Opens and closes his mouth wordlessly for a moment, and then:

"It was hard. But...you know something?"

He pauses. His skin feels too tight. Tony doesn't say anything.

"It wasn't as hard as it should have been."

The other man's silence is somehow both encouraging and nerve-wracking, and James can't quite work up the courage to look him in the face. He swallows, the click of his throat loud in the empty gymnasium.

"I feel like I should've been...devastated, broken, after...At just the thought of doing it," James says. "But I--I wasn't."

Suddenly, he needs Tony to know, needs to tell someone, that maybe Bucky Barnes didn't survive the fall from that train; not in the ways that count.

James inhales sharply, flexes his hands in and out of fists at his sides, builds it up...and then the wind goes out of his sails.

"It should've been harder," he finishes, lamely.

There's so much more he wants to say, but he doesn't think he could muster up the energy or the guts to pour it all out right now. He doesn't know if he could make it through the reveal, the truth of the matter.

Steve had wanted Bucky, that silver-tongued sniper, the childhood best friend and lover he'd known so well, and James had tried to give it to him. He really had. He'd stayed close, reminisced, fought and ate and slept by his side. The newness of the modern world had given him an excuse, something to blame for the growing distance and discomfort. But denial...denial's a weak veneer, and James has never been the type to hide.

(He'd laughed bitterly about it in private; the bullheadedness being the one thing he did feel comfortable attributing to the man he used to be.)

He is aching; not because he'd left the man he'd loved his entire life, but because of guilt--because he couldn't convince himself to stay. He's been beating himself to hell since the moment he looked up at Steve and felt...nothing.

"--ey, Barnes," Tony's voice cuts through the silence.

The soldier looks up at the other man.

The genius is projecting perfect ease, posture relaxed, both hands held up and open, his face just the same. His eyes are cautious, but the soldier can't really blame him for that. Not right now, when even James is a little worried he might fly apart.

Now that he's got his attention, Tony nods, licks his lips--the only sign of nerves.

"I didn't wanna do it without saying something," he says, "but I'm gonna put my hand on your shoulder, now; is that alright?"

After a pause, James nods shortly.

Then, as if in a dream, he watches his own hands reach forward to gather the smaller man to his chest.

To his intense (but foggy) satisfaction, there's only a moment of stiffness before Tony settles without protest. One of his arms slides up between James' shoulder blades while the other wraps tightly around the soldier's waist. He can feel Tony's breath against the side of his neck.

There's a hesitant, open energy between them, but neither man speaks.

James holds on for a while.

***

There are a few days of awkwardness after the embrace in the gym ("Um. Well," Tony'd coughed, "that's about all the Christmas spirit I think I can handle, Frosty," and he'd practically run from the room), but they fall back into their normal dynamic of easy, casual companionship fairly quickly.

James is incredibly grateful for the genius' quips and comments throughout leisure time and training alike, and the light conversation when Tony tinkers with the arm, because his other relationships are not rebounding nearly so well.

He only really has history with Sam and Natasha, and thankfully they're both of the mind to mind their own business, and interact with him per usual (Sam, slightly less so), but the others...the others radiate disapproval. They mostly just cold-shoulder him: avoid bringing him into conversations, find reasons to leave the room if he walks in. They're not giving him the stink-eye or anything, but they're not really going out of their way to be subtle, either.

At the opposite end of the spectrum are Tony's friends. Rhodes, and Spider Kid, and a few others that don't live at the compound. They're people who are unfailingly supportive of Tony, and the billionaire must have said something, because suddenly, they're supporting James, too. They draw him into their midst without him realizing.

On weekends Peter visits, James has a teenager-shaped satellite.

On the rare days Rhodes stops by the compound, the colonel goes out of his way to trade quips with James over coffee, ropes him into his and Tony's easy back-and-forth schoolyard ribbing.

The first time Ms. Potts greets him casually by his first name ("James," she says, smiling warmly and professionally), he has to resist the urge to look over his shoulder to check for the person she was actually addressing.

Hell, even Tony's driver, Happy, acknowledges him with a casual nod when they cross paths.

James definitely could've struck out on his own long ago; he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself (his solo stint after his last escape from HYDRA was evidence enough of that). Now, with these steadily forming relationships...He's grateful for the reasons to stay.

He finally feels like he's living James' life, not trying to carry on Bucky Barnes' legacy.

*

Through all of this, Steve is...there.

James can't be around him, around the broken looks Steve keeps sending his way. He doesn't want Steve to figure out that James isn't hurting for the same reason he is. He may not love the man, or see him the way he used to...but he's not soulless.

But after a few weeks, Steve starts trying to reach out.

Little things: popping up in the gym at the same time James is in there by himself, appearing in the rooms he happens to be in. James is beginning to suspect Steve might be asking FRIDAY about his whereabouts.

This has the opposite effect of what he knows Steve's going for. It pushes James to go where Steve can't.

*

The first time he shows up at the door to the workshop after everything, without an prosthetic-related issue, he's not sure he'll be welcome. He is, after all, another reason most of the team has chosen to attempt to alienate Tony further, and even if it's not something he's doing himself, he's still kind of the root of another one of Tony's problems.

His concern (fear) is laid to rest as soon as he touches the indicated scanner and the door slides open with zero pause. He steps into the room, stares around in awe for a moment (he'll never get used to the future he sees in this room), and then his eyes fall on the man at the main work station, and his heart kicks in his chest.

Tony looks...really good. Great. He's digging around in one of the suits in nothing but a tight white tank top and old worn jeans, streaks of grease scattered over his exposed skin, a light sheen all over from the exertion involved in the physical labor of machine repair.

When Tony turns to reach for something, it puts James in his line of sight, and after a flare of surprise, he smiles with open warmth.

Fine, Tony doesn't look good. He looks loveable. And fuckable.

The genius calls up to FRIDAY to turn down the music and strides towards James.

"Hey, Tasty Freeze, what's up? This a visit or a hideout?"

He says it so cavalier, like he isn't being put through the ringer by the things James has done, and it makes James want to hug him again.

"Why can't it be both?"

"Touche. I'm at a good stopping point anyway--by that I mean FRIDAY and Pep are both demanding I take a break--so how about you give me another reason to stop for a while?"

It's innocent, definitely just the inventor offering to eat some lunch or just sit and shoot the shit, but a light flush that has nothing to do with work blooms across Tony's cheeks.

James' sharp eyes track the physical manifestations of this man's desire for him, the signs Tony always tries to keep hidden: the flush, the dilation of his pupils, the almost jitters, the aborted reaching motions and the way his eyes cling to different parts of James' anatomy when he thinks the soldier won't notice.

He notices. He's always noticed. But he's never pushed or mentioned any of it.

Now, he stalks forward into Tony's space, confident, but carefully monitoring the man's reactions in case the advance is unwelcome.

Tony's eyes go wide, but he doesn't step back.

God, he's adorable. He lights a fire in James that hasn't been lit since before HYDRA, since before all of the bullshit with the return of the 'Rogues'. Through all of his internal conflict, through all of his uncertainty about his place in this new order that's been established here at the compound, he's never really doubted Tony's support. It's why he'd opened up so easily after everything, and why he's here now, staring down at the smaller man, the smaller man who is actually so much bigger than all of the people who try or have tried to crush him down.

"I can give you plenty of reasons," James says, smirking as he pulls the genius into a kiss.

*******************

Everything Tag List: @the-amazing-spidertwink, @starkercrossedlovers, @silkystark, @hoeforthegays

(I hope y’all don’t mind I’m tagging you on this not-Starker nonsense)

[behappykeepclassy]

LOVER Track-by-track Impressions

1. I Forgot That You Existed

catchy AF with the da-da-da in the beginning

“Free rent, living in my mind”

love how she sings “and quieeeetttt”

“It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”

“I forgot that you sent me a clear message, taught me some hard lessons”

The “So, yeah” at the end is gold, like vocally shrugging

2. Cruel Summer 

Pure BOP!

Feeling that bass in my soul

“I’m always waiting for you to be waiting below” - 80s John Hughes movie style!

“Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes” is perfect

The whole chorus floats and soars and I love it so much

“You say that we’ll just screw it up in these trying times, we’re not trying” - SUCH A GOOD LINE

“So cut the headlights, summer’s knife, I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone” Ouf!

“I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you”

The raspy roar in her voice when she sings “He looks up, grinning like a devil”

3. Lover

Quiet and precious and sweet and lovely and cozy

So happy we have an album with a title song again

4. The Man

“They’d say I played the field before i found someone to commit to”

“Every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you”

“I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” - MY MOTTO FROM NOW ON, just running through my head constantly

“What I was wearing, if I was rude” - I feel like this also doubles for her sexual assault case against that radio DJ (blaming the victim)

“I’d be just like Leo in Saint-Tropez” LOL

The whole bridge, when she switches from “And getting bitches and models” to “If I was out flashing my dollars, I’d be a bitch not a baller” OUF

MY INHERENT FEMALE ANGER AT THE INJUSTICE OF THE PATRIARCHY IS ALIVE AND WELL

5. The Archer

This is one of my favourites, even though I’ve had it longer than most cause it was released earlier

Lyrically, best or second best on the album

Destroys me every time, goddamnit

6. I Think He Knows

“I am an architect, I’m drawing up the plans”

I love how she sings “skipping down 16th avenue”, like so specific and wonderful but universal

I like how she owns how much of a catch she herself is in the second verse - like yassss girl

“Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks (SPARKS FLYYYYYYYY), I’ll smile”

7. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

The way it starts, it made me think of The Killers “Well somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend…”

“American glory faded before me” - her fall from the spotlight

“I saw the scoreboard and ran for my life” - hiding away from media and everyone

I like how she incorporates the “OKAY” school chant in the background of the chorus

This has a lot of “I Know Places” vibes, especially second verse

The switch in the bridge from “And I don’t want you to (Go), I don’t really wanna (Fight), ‘Cause nobody’s gonna (Win)” to “And I’ll never let you (Go), ‘Cause I know this is a (Fight),” That somebody we’re gonna (Win)”

Wish she’d held the the last note that she started before entering back into final chorus (it sounded like it was going to go on longer

8. Paper Rings

Makes me think of the happiness of “Stay, Stay, Stay” with a dash of “Holy Ground” energy

Easily one of my faves

Jack Antonoff counting us into the chorus, just love him

Just such fun, every lyric and beat

“I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings” and “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” SO CUTE

“Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws, we wouldn’t be standing here so tall” - so mature and wonderful and she’s so happy now!

I love that she brings it up an octave starting at the bridge and into the final chorus

I can’t help but smile listening to this over and over again

Like, I want Lover as my wedding song and Paper Rings as a choreographed 20s swing dance with my future husband

9. Cornelia Street 

Hit me the second time more than the first, like wow I actually love this

“‘I rent a place on Cornelia Street,’ I say casually in the car” CUTEEEEE

“That’s the kinda heartbreak time could never mend, I’d never walk Cornelia Street again”

Second half of the chorus makes me think of Dress

“Windows swung right open, autumn air, jacket ‘round my shoulders is yours” - ALL TOO WELL callback

“Back when we were card sharks, playing games, I thought you were leading me one, I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street before you even knew I was gone” - makes me think of when she sings “If I had known what I know now, I never would have played so nonchalant” in Come Back, Be Here

“Barefoot in the kitchen” - makes me think of All Too Well “dancing in the refrigerator light”

I also think Cornelia Street doubles for love itself, like this is it for her, this is the one big love for her and there won’t be another so she wants to get it right and keep it safe

10. Death By A Thousand Cuts

Ignore the lyrics and you almost think it’s a happy song (classic Jack Antonoff Bleachers thing to do)

“I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up, chandelier still flickering here” - brilliant

THE PIANOOOOOOOOOOOOO (very Bleachers ‘Wild Heart’ outro)

She goes from “We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go” in Cornelia Street to “But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?” in Death By A Thousand Cuts, and that kills me

“My heart, my hips, my body, my love, Tryna find a part of me that you didn’t touch”

“Our songs, our films, united, we stand, our country, guess it was a lawless land”

“Why are my fears at the touch of your hands? Paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans” - some of the best lyrics on the album right there, IMO

“My time, my wine, my sprit, my trust, Tryna find a part of me you didn’t take up” - this destroyed me more than I thought it would because it was so unexpected and raw, especially the second half of the line, like she’s realizing that he took too much and it hurts but it wasn’t good to lose herself like that

11. London Boy

Is the voice talking in the beginning Idris Elba?

“They say home is where the heart is, But that’s not where mine lives” - she says the second half like a secret she’s sharing with us over wine

Gotta go back to London STAT

“Doesn’t have to be Louis V up on Bond Street” LOL fancy baller line

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

This and The Archer are the two songs I cried during, just gutted

“The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair” - how we think of the mundane things when the worst things are happening to try and distract ourselves

“Holy orange bottles, each night, I pray to you” - I don’t know what to say

“…’Cause you have to”

I love that the Dixie Chicks are lightly assisting the chorus without taking the song away from Taylor and its focus

The bridge and pre-final-chorus have me crying the most and I don’t know what to do

This remind me a lot of Ronan mixed with Never Grow Up and Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide

13. False God

Sax is a bit like the sax in Bleachers’ Everybody Lost Somebody (not complaining at all)

“We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us

I get Dress sexy vibes from this (“The altar is my hips”)

The feathery way she sings the second “this loooovee)

Reminds me of “So It Goes…”

14. You Need to Calm Down

Still a bop, and always will be a bop - just so fun

15. Afterglow

I like that she owns up to her mistakes and destructive tendency

Makes me think of the Lover lyric “And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” and in the music video it’s her jealousy that leads to a fight

“Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves”

“I lived like an island, punished you in silence”

16. ME!

Lyrically and musically, exactly like what happened with Look What You Made Me Do and Reputation - almost like a red herring to put us off the sonic trail of her album until single 2 came out

17. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

We get a story again! I’ve missed story song! (think Mary’s Song and Everything Has Changed mixed together)

Lovely chill indie vibes

“Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand”

Love me some trumpet

“Church bells ring, carry me home” (like third verse of Mary’s Song)

“Rice on the ground looks like snow” - poetic cute

18. Daylight

“My love was a cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light” - like Cruel Summer and Getaway Car and even Back to December, she wanted something and got it, only find it wasn’t what she wanted and she ended up hurting someone in the process

Chorus makes me think of You Are in Love floating synth

“I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked” (Back to December, Getaway Car, I Knew You Were Trouble)

“Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke” harkens back to The Archer’s “The room is on fire, invisible smoke”

“Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now” - she no longer needs I Know Places, no fear or hiding

“I once believe love would be (Black and white) But it’s (Golden) […] I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it’s golden” - Burning red calls back to Red (duh!), Golden calls back to Dress “Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo”, End Game “It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like your body is gold”, So It Goes… “Gold cage, hostage to my feelings” and Dancing With Our Hands Tied “Deep blue, but you painted me golden”

“You gotta step into the daylight and let it go” - remind me of the poem The Trick to Holding On that she wrote for Vogue (“The trick to holding on Was all that letting go”)

The talking outro is very Jack Antonoff/Bleachers’ Strange Desire, cause he threads introspective talking throughout, especially when she says “I wanna be defined by the things that I love” and he sings “I wanna be grateful for the experiences that I’ve had” in You’re Still a Mystery

[justformyself2]

You. Us.

Hello. I wanted to write something that would make me feel warm inside and I love Jim Halpert, so here I go. I hope it doesn't totally suck and if it does I'm sorry lol (and that includes apologies for grammar mistakes as well)

When the letters are like this it means some flashback coming your way.

When like this it means a little bit of emphasis, all right?.

.......

“I just can’t understand why you won’t tell me, nothing is going to be more embarrassing than your ‘new kids on the block’ posters.”

His laugh wasn’t enough to create comfort with where the conversation was heading. This was what? The fifth time you asked him about it, adding with the second beer and a half going down his throat and it was getting harder to make him loosen up.

“Is it Meredith?” 

You asked, playing a fool, but just like you knew the back of your hand you knew James Halpert and the way he behaved next to Pam, a huge flag he didn’t hide very well. You just wanted him to tell you. You wanted the confirmations pouring out of his lips, desperately.

“No, it is not Meredith. How is Luke by the way?” He quickly adds before you shot another question at him.

“Touché.” Your eyes roll slightly when Luke’s image burns into your brain, to play specifics, the moment when he told exactly why he was breaking up with you.

“What?” Jim asked, looking alarmed for a second and that’s because you haven’t told him yet, just like it took weeks before you could tell him you were seeing someone.

“It lasted longer than you and Katie, cheers.” You clinked your beer onto his and rested your back against the chair, waiting for the reaction with an open chest and he only licks his lips and raises an eyebrow, that’s it. The beer becomes more bitter on your tongue.

“Well you guys were dating way before I met Katie and it wasn't serious, also, I didn’t know there was an endurance competition going on here.”

“It was serious for her.” You implemented, and he sighed without anything else to respond. “I shouldn’t have come back with him on that Cruise, that was when the endurance competition really began and you lost immediately when you broke up with Miss Purse right away.”

“It was never going to work.”

Your eyes locked for a moment before he took another sip of the drink, that’s when you build up the courage.

“Because you are in love with Pam, right?”

Jim puts the drink down slowly while intensely looking at you. A fine needle pinned the center of your chest like his expression was a sort of voodoo work on you. 

“What?” The confusion mixed on his face was louder than his question. It sounded like a whisper to himself more than for you.

Confusion mixed with amusement and amusement made the left corner of his mouth start to reveal a smile that progressively turned into laughing to the point of Jim incline his torso towards the table that separated both of you.

“Are you laughing because you admire the fact that I’m a genius or because you totally lost it for being in love with an engaged woman?” 

Putting into a long sentence made you feel drunker than drinking alcohol. 

He recovers his breath, covering both of his eyes with his hands before staring at you once more.

“I’m laughing because you think you are so smart but I will give you a chance to prove what you just said because I can’t miss this, please, please tell me, (Y/N). What makes you think I’m in love with Pam?” 

He asked, still smiling, making all the confidence you had flinch.

“You laugh with her a lot. You talk to her a lot. You two keep whispering in the cafeteria together and you broke up with Katie right after Roy wanted to set up a date for their wedding, it adds up, Halpert, it adds up.”

You take a sip of the beer, needing it more than ever. His hazel eyes scanned your face going down to the table, a couple of seconds of silence was enough to make you regret everything that was said, but before you could make a joke or anything, anything else you could think of, he got up with a whole new body language.

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but it is not her.” 

He takes his wallet out leaving money on the table as you tried to get back to a minute in the past.

“Jim, please, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have... It is not my business to ask, please don’t go.”

“No, don’t worry, I see you tomorrow okay?” 

Taking the dark brown coat Jim makes his way out and disappears in the crowded bar of a Saturday night, but you didn’t think twice before grabbing your purse and also leave enough money on the table, rushing your way with ‘excuse me’ and ‘pardon me’ in the sea of bodies and strangers faces till you made it to the parking lot.

As always he was not too far from you and at the same time he was, but you always tried to catch up to him, you always do.

“Jim, wait.” You shout.

He looks behind to only give you a glance and keep walking towards the red Corolla. The guilt and slight anger started to mix at every step you got closer to him.

“JAMES.” You shouted again and this time he stops on his tracks.

“Why are you acting like this? I know that I messed up, but walking out like this was really necessary?”

Touching his left arms makes him turn to face you.

----------

“Just drop the act, (y/n). You like that I’m doing this to you, in fact, you are thanking me right now, deep down you are.”

Luke’s right leg starts to shake slightly and you hated to notice.

“And why would I thank you for exactly?” 

He moves closer to you on the couch, the brown eyes scanning your face, his cocky smile didn’t reach them this time.

“I’m not your rebound, (Y/NN). You seriously thought I wouldn’t notice?”

“What?”

----------

“Please (Y/NN), it’s okay, we talk tomorrow.”

“I want to talk right now.” 

“Please stop.”

“If it is not her than what's the problem? I know we got a little separated when I started going out with Luke. Our relationship, friendship got stranded. I just want to be able to talk about everything with you again. I don’t want to lose this...You. Us.”

“Get in the car.”

With no expression to read from him, you decided to obey instead of giving one more shot in the dark. There were no maybes, everything you thought you knew about James Halpert for the past 10 years was slipping out of your fingers like pressuring sand on your palms, you thought he couldn’t hide anything from you and you from him, that’s why you needed a Luke.

Closing the door and placing your bag on the lap you decided to only listen as you watched him taking his phone out of the glove compartment.

“I can believe you are going to make me do this in the parking lot of a bar.”

“I-.”

“Don’t.” He shut up quickly and continued. Suddenly you started to notice the little shakes on the hand he held the phone with. “If I drive i know I will make another excuse. Any stupid excuse I can think of.”

You kept quiet as he took a long breath.

“You are not completely wrong, there is something going on, but before I get into that. I just can’t understand, can’t wrap my head around the fact that you know me for 10 years and the best you could come up with was Pamela.”

“Sorr-.”

“Don’t.” He interrupts again. “(Y/N), I can’t begin to count how many times, for the past 3 years, I've been wide awake at 3 AM, trying to think why the hell I couldn’t just call her and get over with this, it doesn’t matter if her boyfriend picks up first, but actually, it did, it pretty much did, because she seemed happy without me, what kind of a fool would I be?.”

Your air gets stuck on your lungs for a bit before it starts burning and you had to let it go. Your brain trying to comprehend what was he said, trying to connect the dots while your stomach took turns in all directions. 

“She feels like home to me. God, I love her and i think this is the right moment to do this.”

“Do what?” You asked feeling a sharp discomfort on your throat. 

If your memories were a room where the proofs were well-hidden everything would be all over the place, was there someone you were forgetting about? Maybe, someone, he didn’t tell you.

“I’m calling her.” 

Without thinking twice you slapped the phone out his hand making it fly to this feet into the darkness of the car’s floor. 

“(Y/N), what the hell was that?”

“I... I have, I need to tell you something before you make that call. I- FUCK. Jim, want to know why Luke left me?”

Your insides shake like you had a cold fever, your cheeks getting hotter by the second. James rolled with eyes and rested his back on the seat without looking at you.

“Yeah, let’s talk about Luke, why not? What, do you still love him? Of course, you do, you only dated the guy for 3 years? It’s got to be a very strong bond there-.”

“He found out I was in love with you.”

The world seemed to get silent, you knew it was impossible, but why did it felt like it? Was it because he wouldn’t move or respond? Or was it you that would be silent forever? Since the only thing you wanted to say all these years was finally out of your brain, of your soul, leaving a void were once it occupied, a massive silent void. You left the car before something else took the space, something you knew it was inevitable.

Why did it felt like he was lying? All the times he spent with Pamela eating up your soul with every step further away from him, it was undeniable, they were like the same person, each day growing something while you tried to feed Luke into your brain, harder and harder. 

When you reach the sidewalk your phone starts ringing insistently.

“Fuck.” 

You curse, fighting with all of the other mess inside your purse in order to find the phone and once you do you answer it impulsively. 

“Don’t hang up.”   

You recognize his voice as your heart shrinks and you thought it was true, he could shrink till it becomes nothing inside.

“Don’t hang up because I have been wanting to do this for the past 3 years (Y/NN) and spent too many times wide awake thinking about this call. Why the hell did you get with Luke? Did you seriously not noticed? Not even once?”

“Seriously James? You got with Katie, you spent a hell lot of time with Pam, you are going to tell me you had feelings for me.”

You hear his heavy sigh.

“Well, you got with Luke and why is that obsession with Pam? She is engaged for God's sake.”

“You guys are like the same person. Also, she is engaged, not married.”

“You are right, we are very alike and she is smart, artsy, likes to pull pranks and have some amazing ideas-.”

“I’m going to hang up.” 

“No, no, I’m just messing with you. See, Pam would’ve got that.”

“Are you done?”

“Just one more thing. She can be all of those things, but she is not you (Y/NN). I’m in love with you.”

[vyvesvi]

vyvesvi’s long awaited yesstyle review lmao :-)

ugh the keep reading isn’t working on mobile rip y’all sry

>a few Important things:

i just moved into my dorm yesterday so everything abt the pics and reviews to follow is a hot mess + i misplaced some stuff + didn’t bring it to my dorm bc it didnt work out (so i don’t have pics)

I’m not being sponsored in any way by yesstyle, i just don’t think there are enough black reviewers of yesstyle goods (but what does race have to do with anything, you may ask??? well, ppl come in all shaoes and sizes and the overlap between east asian sizes and body types and black body types is um. well. slim. that being said, i’ll give you some deets on me: i legit have no idea how much i weigh but im generally thin-ish with thicker thighs and a tummy pouch; height: ~169 cm, generally a US size S - M/4 - 6))

bc im not being sponsored, im not providing any (affiliate) links, just product names, sorry if that’s annoying

every yesstyle member (you become a member when you buy stuff) gets a reawrds code that takes a % off of my next order and the order that the code is used for, but I think it’s only like. 2% or smthng. message me and i’ll try to unearth my code if ur interested)

I ordered this stuff in two separate, similarly sized orders and the delivery time went like this (#1: ordered on-  2019-07-05 01:33 AM; split into two packages for some reason, received on like...july 22ndish? for some reason the tracking info isnt showing the delivery info. the 2nd part of this order, which was shipped a day later, arrived on the 19th. #2: ordered on-  2019-07-30 10:04 AM, received on  08/20, wasn’t expecting much bc it was shipped from hong kong during the protests but it was basically the same as the first order)

>the actual review part

i rly didnt wanna make a long post so just click for better quality sry lmao

edit: rip the quality if y’all want better photos @ me lmao

Dreamkura - Short-Sleeve Embroidered T-Shirt, Black - L

4/5- weird shape (really long sleeves for a short sleeved shirt, and really boxy too), and if you compare the placement and size of the patch vs. the one in the picture it’s not 100% accurate. still a cute shirt though so it’s fine

I sized up for an oversized look but I probably didn’t 100% need to

the black one is currently unavailable :/

camikiss - Seamless Under Shorts, Black - One Size

5/5- i wear these shorts too much. im wearing them right now. the ultimate safety shorts

the one size was a Risk but these shorts stretch well. maybe dont get them if you’re an XL and above in US sizes though

Lemongrass - Distressed Denim Shorts, Dark Blue - M

4.5/5- better quality than primark which. wow, did not see that coming

you have to cut the button hole (they seal it to show they they’ve never been worn apparently)

the button kinda like...jingles if you shake them vigorously, but it doesn’t happen when the pants are on, so it’s fine. still funny tho

im bad at wearing ripped shorts but if ur not i highly recommend

INKLEE - Round Buckle Faux Leather Belt - 105CM

5/5- kinda cheap but it does what I want which is hold my pants up lol

i could’ve sized down but that has way more to do with me not knowing my waist size lmao

Gwendolyn - Off-Shoulder Ruffle-Trim Blouse, White - One Size

4/5- i bought this bc it made me think “flyy like a butterfly” and all that jazz

it’s not my normal style but i really like it! it’s VERY sheer though

but I also got white so what did i really expect?

one-size was a risk once again but this shirt is pretty roomy, although it’s also kinda short...like not crop top short, but slightly difficult to tuck in short.

i would buy it again in black so i guess that says something

also i have like. freaky long arms (i can wave my hand over my shoulder with my arm behind my back and my elbow parallel to my torso...that’s such a weird description but uh. just know that my arms are long okay) and it didn’t look too indecent at the top to have the sleeves pulled down to my wrists! it’s a win!)

Moon City - Drop Shoulder Cardigan, Black - One Size

4.7/5- smelled weird when i opened it but I washed it and it’s fine!

one size risk but this one was also roomy af

the sleeves fit!!! god bless!!!

Edise - Couple Matching Elbow-Sleeve Embroidered T-Shirt, Black - L & White L

5/5- The white one was perfect and I love it! I sized like 2 sizes up for it to be a oversized but I would say it’s only abt 1 size oversized, if that makes sense? but I actually like it the way it is so cool lmao

3.7/5- the black one was really badly sewn on, but i reported it and got a new one for free so go me go yesstyle! they didnt give me tracking info *i think* and i wasn’t really waiting for it so it feels like it came fast lol

the moon is kinda a more awkward shape in person i think, but the stormy clouds were high quality and perfect!

i really like the material of the shirt!s it’s thick and soft and smooth? i’ve legit never felt a tshirt like that but im into it

DIYI - Plain High-Waist A-Line Skirt, Black - M

4.7/5- im wearing the outfit pictured right now and *TMI* the sewn in shorts are giving me a very very uncomfortably large wedgie tbh

it fits perfectly otherwise though

i feel like it’s one of the cheapest feeling things that i received, but it’s about forever21 quality but for only $11.45 so i’m 100% fine with it tbh

TREEZIN - Plaid Mini Skirt, Dark Blue - M

4.7/5- it’s very cute and fits perfectly! kinda shirt though and there was like 1 loose thread

the brown in the skirt isn’t super noticeable which i don’t really mind...overall i’d say that they lightened the photos considerably, which effects the color of the skirt

no safety shorts but idrc

pretty thick material

the final stretch thank god

Manicotto - Mock Two-Piece Sleeveless Mini Dress, Check - M 

3/5 pretty cheap material. the skirt is true to size, but the top is like two sizes too small (i don’t have that much boob but it was still too much for this poor, poor, top). they come as separate pieces, so i brought the skirt to school with me and left the top at home. im not sure what i would tell someone who wanted to buy this abt sizing, bc of the dramatic discrepancy btwn the sizes.

A’ROCH - 925 Sterling Silver Dinosaur Earring, 1 Pair - S925 Silver - Gold - One Size 

4/5, very cute, VERY small (dainty, sure) and good quality! my only complaint is that either it’s not real silver or whatever it is that they used to make them look gold is something that im allergic to. my ears got itchy

A’ROCH - 925 Sterling Silver Ear Cuff1 Pair - Cross - Silver - One Size

4.7/5, definitely 100% silver. i’d love to wear them but with my move i can’t find either pair of the earrings

they only sell them as 2 of the cross cuffs or 2 of the parallel cuffs which is annoying bc they’re pictured together but they’re good enough and cheap enough that i’d buy the parallel ones in a separate order

Euphrasia - Oxford Crossbody Bag, Black - One Size 

5/5 one of my best buys hands down

its ugly cute but it’s so useful

it has so much storage space for such a small bag

im in love

Jansi - Set of 3: Heart-Embroidered Socks, Black + White + Blue - One Size

4.5/5 i wanted the dark gray that’s pictured but they edited the hell out of that photo so the blue that i ordered is actually the gray sock pictured

really comfy and cute! esp with the tops of the hearts peeking out over the tops of high top converses??? i love it sm

i have big feet and they fit me, so they’d fit most ppl i think

Ashlee - Cuffed Denim Shorts, Light Blue - M

2/5, a horrible disappointment part 1

maybe i shouldve sized up more but the critch area just fits SO BADLY i left these at home

i would return but im not paying for return shipping to hong kong so i’ll donate them

they’re also cute really badly like they don’t taper in at the waist at all

no human person is shaped like that pls ashlee

they get a 2 bc they are shorts and they sent me the right color

Rosehedge - Pleated Mini Skirt, Black - S

3/5, a horribly disappointment part 2

i shouldve sized up idky i didnt

i can actually fit into them and zip them up and everything but it’s so so short that you can basically see my entire safety short covered butt and it kinda bulges between the top of the tiny sewn in safety shorts and the actual skirt

wow thats a weird sentence sorry but you get it

has thousands of good reviews though, way more than anything on this list so that must count for something right?

3 bc it’s kinda my fault

Regalia - Faux Leather Wallet, Black - One Size 

5/5 beautiful lots of storage space but still very compact, would buy again

the “forever young, made in korea” is kinda ugly but what can you do?

Prinsis - Printed Socks, Dinosaur - White - One Size

3.5/5 they’re cute, but the design is so but that you can see halves of it on the front of the sock, which is very ugly

notice how on the site every pic is taken from the side? not a coincidence

they fit fine and are comfy though

>okay that’s it thank god!

>lmk if you have any questions!!!

(@gowon-yyxy)

[purplesurveys]

457

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? Coffee mugs, I guess. I’ve never used a teacup and water bottles are bad for the planet. And mugs put me in a disposition to work lol. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy. Haven’t had one in a while and it brings me back to being a kid. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very quiet, quite aloof, would bring a new book to read everyday in the corner, and not really fitting in any group. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? I don’t like soda. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. I used to be a headphones chick during my ~punk rock phase because I thought it made me look edgy haaaaaaaah but I got out of that period pretty quickly and now I prefer earphones.

Movies or TV? Movies. TV shows make me impatient what with all the cliffhangers and season breaks and hiatuses. Favorite smell in the summer? Fresh seafood being served while beachside. No other sensation can compare. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Track and table tennis. For some reason I enjoyed futsal too; I was a pretty good blocker. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I skip breakfast kinda all the time. Name of your favorite playlist? Maybe the playlist I made that’s just a compilation of Paramore’s whole discography. Lanyard or key ring? I use a lanyard so that my keys are already bunched together with my ID, which for me is easier to keep around. Having them separated will just make it easier for me to lose one of them. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Patch Kids.

Favorite book you had to read for school? Dekada ‘70 or Without Seeing the Dawn. I also remember fairly enjoying this book about the Holocaust, I think it was called Number the Stars. Most comfortable position to sit in? As long as at least one leg is up, I’m comfortable haha. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? I wear all my shoes once a week, so I don’t think I have a favorite pair I wear more often than the others. Ideal weather? Dark and gloomy and stormy. My love for the beach aside, I love the rain. Pencils or pens? Pens. Once we graduated from pencils from the fourth grade I don’t think I ever looked back. Obsession from childhood? My earliest obsession was the original Hi-5 cast. Then it involved into wrestling, Pok��mon, Beyoncé, and Paramore. Favorite crystal? I had to look them up as I wasn’t actually familiar with any crystals, and rose quartz seems cute. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Ugh, I get so sluggish when it’s summer. It’s no fun to do anything other than going to the beach and staying there all day long. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Watch movies, do healthy self-care stuff like coloring, drinking coffee, studying. I’m so much more productive in cold weather/temperatures. Five songs to describe you? That’s too many. I can’t even come up with one. Best way for someone to bond with you? Be comfortable in silence with me and not bombard me with extraversion. Top 5 favorite Vines? “There’s only one thing worst than a rapist, boom!” “A CHILD–” “No” “T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TAAAARGEEEEEEET” “Stop, I coulda dropped my croissANT” “what the FUCK is up kyle NO what did you say what the fuck dude step THE FUCK UP kyle” “Fr e sh a voca do” Ads you have stuck in your head? I don’t have any. They aren’t memorable anymore, just irritating. Average time you fall asleep? Anywhere between 9:30 to 1. Range is big since it’s different all the time. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Oh god, I was there from the beginning. War flashbacks all the way from 9GAG in 2009-2010 - the FFFFFFFUUUUU-, Forever Alone, Y U NO?, Bad Luck Brain, Ridiculously Photogenic Guy, College Freshman, Lazy Senior guys. Was there for all of it and it used to be the most hilarious stuff I’d see on the Internet.

I don’t actually know if these were the first batch of memes, but they definitely changed the game when it came to Internet humor.   Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Backpack. I never use the other two. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade.

Last person you texted? Gabie. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? I don’t mind either. Favorite type of jacket? Jean jackets or cardigans. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Not a fan of all of these, but I’m most likely to get into something sci-fi. What clothes do you sleep in? Thin ones because it’s always really hot where I live, even with the AC on :/ Favorite type of cheese? Brie or ricotta. What saying or quote do you live by? “There isn't a person on this planet that should let a past nightmare dictate or cloud their future dreams.” What are you currently stressed about? Internship as always ughhhhh. Favorite font? I use Proxima Nova a lot. What did you learn from your first job? Favorite fairy tale? Never did like those, even as a kid. Favorite tradition? Huge Christmas dinnerssssssss. Talent you're proud of having? Having a sport. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Not feeling too creative for this today. Or ever. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? Character you relate to? Monica Geller or Amy Santiago. Favorite website from your childhood? Y8 without a shadow of a doubt. Any scars? On my left brow and one of my toes. Favorite flower? I like any flowers except for anthuriums. Any good luck charms? Nope. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Rocky road and double dutch. Left or right handed? Right. Least favorite pattern? Can’t think of any. Worst subject in school? Calculus. Favorite weird flavor combo? Mayonnaise with everything, even though mayo doesn’t even count as a flavor hah. When did you lose your first tooth? I was either 5 or 6. Favorite potato food? As chips, fries, salad, or croquettes. Can’t help it, I love potatoes. Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? Grocery sushi. I love sushi, no matter the quality tbh. Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies. PC or console gaming? Console. Writing or drawing? Writing. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts. Barbie or Polly Pocket? Barbies. Fairy tales or mythology? I don’t care for either.

Cookies or cupcakes? Cupcakes, but this hurts to say considering I love cookies just as much. Your greatest fear? Failing. Your greatest wish? A secure future. Who would you put before everyone else? My girlfriend or any member of her family. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Lamps. Nicknames? Sure, but not a lot. I usually go by my given name. Favorite season? Winter, which I wish we had to begin with. Favorite app on your phone? Reddit. What is your desktop background? It’s one of the default mountain ones Apple provides in the Macs. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Just my mom’s, mine, and Gab’s. Favorite historical era? I’m a fan of any. History’s cool.

[holidayinhongkong]

I don’t have a bucket list, but  I have family goals

When I started working abroad, I promised myself to take my daughter to places I’ve never been. Apparently, travelling with my family has become my favorite thing to do as well as trying some things we’ve never done before at least once a year. With that being said, let me share with you our 5D/4N trip to Hong Kong and Macau in 2018.

I heard there are many good reasons to visit Hong Kong - from learning their culture, mouth-watering street food, night market, neon lights, Disneyland experience and many more! Thank God for making our dream trips to reality because of cheap fares! I rarely talk about figures on blogs cause I’m pretty bad at keeping track of our expenses but trust me - I’m trying. Since I don’t normally delete my flight tickets on email, I’m happy to share some of the costs for this itinerary.

Manila to Hong Kong: Php 5,747

Hong Kong to Macau via TurboJet Ferry: Php 3,483

I might have deleted our Macau to Manila flight tickets (told you, I’m bad at these things) but if I remember correctly, we’ve paid around Php 6,300

The rates I’ve mentioned are for 3 pax without baggage allowance. We always choose to pack light and tight cause we’re always on the go and of course, we try to avoid the chaos of travel - high cost of checked-in luggage, waiting at the baggage carousel and the inconvenience of having to carry heavy bags whilst navigating a new place.

Our flight was scheduled to depart at 0600. One thing I know I’m doing right is to arrive at the airport at the earliest possible time to avoid the Manila traffic jam and long queue (I hate lines!) Rational fears aside, we had plenty enough time to have breakfast whilst talking about Disneyland cause the little girl was too excited!

Most of you know that Hong Kong International Airport won multiple airport awards - World’s Best Airport Dining and World’s Best Airport Immigration Service in 2019.

We arrived safely and on time (yes, without delays thanks Cebu Pacific!) As soon as we passed the immigration counter around 0800, we saw immigration officers on the side doing random security checks. I’m not sure what the red flags are but I remember a friend of mine who travelled solo in Hong Kong years back and told me she was stopped by an officer and went through everything in her carry on luggage! She was also asked hundreds of questions and it scared the hell of her thinking someone might have inserted drugs in her luggage but she stayed calm the whole time and answered the questions promptly. I think it’s their way of stepping up the series of measures to avoid entry of prohibited items (drugs mainly) in their country. So guys, if at all they stop you at the airport, don’t panic. You may be asked more questions based on your answers so it’s important to be prompt and direct when talking and be ready to show proof! If you know you have nothing to hide, you’re good.

We took F21 Bus from Airport Terminal 1 going to our hostel. We were aware of the unpredictable weather in Hong Kong so we planned ahead. It was drizzling on our way but it stopped by the time we arrived at our destination.

Days Hotel - Chungking Mansion Building, 36-44 Nathan Road, Tsim Sha Tsui

I booked via booking.com and paid Php 7,800 for 4 nights excluding breakfast. Price was reasonable considering we’re a family of three. The room was clean and location was close to the metro stations and shopping areas. It’s most likely an old hostel with busy people (mainly Indians) selling food and stuff down the building. Our room attendant was a fellow Filipino who seemed very nice and helpful. We’re mostly outside exploring the city - so I can say it’s a good place after all.

If you plan to stay in Hong Kong for a few days, I would suggest that you buy an octopus card which can be used at public transport, fast food shops, convenience stores, vending machines and many more. It also comes with a refundable HK$ 50 deposit (we claimed our refund before heading to Macau) Their transport system is very well maintained so you won’t have a problem getting around by MTR and buses. 

A glimpse inside the MTR (Mass Transit Railway) with the little one

Day 1: 

When I watched Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I realised that exploring cultures is also a great way of making travel more meaningful. In this journey, we visited one of the most famous temples closest to our hostel - Sik Sik Yuen Wong Tai Sin Temple. It claims to be a place of worship for people seeking to have their fortunes told whenever they have health and business issues.

Many people are praying and burning incense. We’re one of them

I planned to end the day by enjoying the spectacular view of Hong Kong Island at the Avenue of Stars along the Victoria Harbour waterfront but unfortunately, it was under renovation when we visited so we decided to go for a walk along Tsim Sha Tsui to look for a place to eat. My cousin’s ex girlfriend told me to try one of Jackie Chan’s Restaurants near the hotel. We didn’t have internet access outside and we found it extremely difficult to converse with locals cause majority of them don’t speak English so we spent hours of searching! Since my husband has a very bad habit of being grumpy when he’s hungry, he went back to the hostel instead. I tried my very best to go out of the way not to argue with my very hangry pouting husband knowing we’re on vacation. The next day was supposed to be our Disneyland trip so imagine the agony I went through. Haha! I bought food from Jollibee for our daughter and went straight to our room.

Day 2:

Our Disneyland trip was cancelled from last night’s dilemma. On this day we went to Sneakers Street to hunt the latest shoe trends located at Fa Yuen St., Mong Kok. Before heading to the Metro Station, we decided to have brunch near the hostel. You know they say ‘when you stop searching for something, that’s when you finally find what you’re looking for’ hell right we found that freakin resto just right beside our building! Grr! We went there to have brunch and I can tell you that food was bland at all and therefore not worth the fight. Lol

 And just like that, everything went back to normal

Street Food

If you’re on a diet, Mong Kok is the worst place for you! Hong Kong street food made our trip more memorable! We didn’t make a list cause it’s going to be long plus we had limited time but here are some of the most popular food we’ve tried

Fish balls

Cheung fun (Rice noodle rolls)

Egg tart

Stinky tofu with chili sauce

Fried pig intestines & Steamed dumplings

Beef brisket noodle soup

Wonton noodle soup

Eggettes

More eggettes

Mochi (Blueberry)

More mochi (Chocolate)

Japanese cake

Chocolate croissant

Vanilla ice cream

The original Taiwan cake

How can we not love Hong Kong street food? Life sure is a combination of travel and good food!

Day 3

It didn’t rain, but wasn’t sunny either - we call it a perfect weather to be at the happiest place on earth - Disneyland Resort

Tickets booked and purchased via Klook: Php 9,730 1 day for 3 pax 

Let the photos do the talking (;

The Disneyland Resort Line

At the entrance gate

Main Street U.S.A.

Adventureland

Fantasyland

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Toy Story Land

Mystic Point

Wakanda forever!

Grizzly Gulch

Tomorrowland

Disney Parade

It’s a Small World

Disney’s Paint the Night

I didn’t upload all the photos cause it’s gonna be long so I just shared the highlights for you. It’s quite sad cause the Disney Castle was under renovation and there were no fireworks when we visited. We also didn’t get the chance to take photos with Mickey cause I didn’t want to waste our time to wait in a queue. Everything inside was expensive - from meals to souvenirs. I bought meal coupons in advance via Klook as well cause I thought I’d save more but the difference wasn’t that much. 

A magical place indeed! We enjoyed every moment and it’s absolutely true that Disneyland is not only for kids but for everyone! This experience is something we won’t forget for the rest of our lives. 

Day 4

We were supposed to see the Noonday Gun at Causeway bay and experience the ‘Ding Ding Tram Ride’ but we got lost trying to find the way so we went back to Mong Kok for more street food and a little shopping at the street market instead. If I knew that this was going to be a boring day for us we would’ve just gone to Ocean Park. 

This was also our last night in Hong Kong. We packed our stuff as soon as we got back to our room cause we had to check out early morning to catch the Turbojet Ferry going to Macau (our Macau experience will be on a separate blog by the way) 

I can only say that Hong Kong really is something - and will always have a place in our hearts.

xx

[brahnabischh]

in the beginning

… my period is coming. i’m over emotional today. i can’t deal. i just can’t ✋🏾✋🏾

first off , i moved … i’m in Maryland now with Chelle and Jah. been here since late Friday early Saturday (6/17-18) of course it’s supposed to be for the better– new environment , new people , new opportunities , new beginning. i’m all for it .. clearly because i’m here. but now that i’m all the shitty things i thought i could handle are fooling with my head something serious right now. i didn’t want to come simply because i didn’t want to have to put my problems on anyone else .. or become any kind of burden or extra weight to anyone. although i understand i’m a grown ass woman , i still need a lot of help with things that i haven’t quite comes to terms with as far as my pride is concerned. i don’t want to disappoint anyone else .. let alone myself any more than i already have.

i was supposed to [so word had it] come work with my godmother at Sally’s for now to at least have something to do .. keep busy , make money , take care of my responsibilities. needless to say that hasn’t happened or even been apart of conversation in Sally’s yet. so i’m not working , making money , handling my responsibilities. on top of that i have to get my license and tags on my car renewed .. which i cannot do without my birth certificate. mind you , i haven’t seen the two original copies of that shit since Abby got kicked out and took them in the bag i used to use to go to kennessaw with. now the process of getting my birth certificate AGAIN consists of 1st ; ordering it online. 2nd ; submitting a notarized request form to alameda county records people. 3rd ; wait for them to receive and accept my request. and finally ; send off my certificate. and all of this takes up to 15 business days depending on when they get the notarized form. so now that means for the next two weeks or so i will be doing absolutely NOTHING! but waiting for my cousins to get off work and do some shit with me. i don’t have money , i can’t drive my car , and I don’t know anyone here anymore besides the four of them.

i was going to go see my grandmother and spend some time with her for the time being .. but tickets to get to her cost at the very least {from what i say tonight} one hundred eighty nine dollars. remember i don’t have any money , nor steady income what so ever …. so my grandmother would have to front the bill and then pay for whatever else we/i do when i get there. it’s bad enough she gave me almost her last to help move me and my vehicle here , i don’t want her to spend anymore than she has to. plus she has her own obligations and responsibilities to attend to , she can’t be my little personal lending tree. although i know she would want me to come regardless .. i can’t keep doing that to her. she told me the other day i got her punching the clock .. or in other words she has to bust ass and grind to earn her money to do for me. that shit sucks. it makes me feel so shitty. and of course i can oblige myself to paying her back when i don’t even know when , where or how i’ll get the money in the first place.

i try to stay positive and optimistic about this move– saying everything happens for a reason. i came to better my life and get back on track– quit worrying yourself , God got you. just trust he’s out for your best interest … but it’s soooooo hard to put my pride aside and let people help me. and it’s soooooooo hard to not worry about what i’m unsure of when i don’t have anything else to do but sit and think about all these things on a regular basis. i told God that i washed my hands of the whole situation and that i trust him completely. he knows what’s best. his will be done .. not mine. but JESUS!! it’s so hard. smh. it’s sooooo hard. i’m trying to be patient and let things play out since i deadass can’t do anything but wait .. but i’ve been waiting patiently for things to change and get better for the LONGEST! i know these last four years weren’t totally wasted. i hadn’t gone through all the mess i’ve been through over those years for nothing. there’s a reason for everything. but good gravy! something has GOT to give!!!!!!

and then there’s my boyfriend situation. Justin Wilcox is the most interested in being WITH someone i have ever been in like .. all of ever. honestly. since we started talking back in around February of 2015 i’ve wanted to be nothing but honest with this man. all the other times i’ve liked someone or started a “situationship” with them there was a certain role i knew to play. it was either straight about sex or just some kind of secrecy. i’ve started relationships off of /what was supposed to be/ one night stands .. or lies and that’s not what i wanted with him. he’s such a good feel it’s ridiculous. i’ve told him about a lot of things i may not even fully realize i’ve even informed him of in just the friendship part of our relationship it scares me. i’ve confided in him about things i wouldn’t even talk to my parents about. I never lied to him about my money issues , my family issues , my living situation , my legal situation … he knows all of it. he told me in the beginning that i had to work for something with him. said he wanted me to be his little boo but i had to act right first. so we got to know each other some first. but knowing what i’ve known about men and boys i’ve dealt with before .. i never minded anything he’s said about wanting to be with me. trying a relationship. basically being the lady on his side. i thought it all was bullshit. he just wanted some ass and i really didn’t mind giving it to him. hell i never did before. but of course like everything else potentially good for me , i let myself get distracted from him and sort of put him to the side. all for Richard’s ass .. which was the DUMBEST decision at the time. but i’m hardheaded and stubborn , so you know you can’t tell me anything. he knocked me off my “boo” pedestal i was on because i wasn’t “acting right” lol. we’d talk on and off , whenever i decided not to ignore his call or messages .. there was even a time i was igg'ing him and he saw me at the trap and just looked at me like 👀 damn you just don’t fuck with the kid anymore. of course i didn’t give a shit at the time. my nose was wide open under someone else’s ass … i even blocked him from my phone for a hot little minute. long story short .. we got back in contact with each other i want to say after i added him on snapchat. he hit my phone , of course on some damn tf happened type shit. and we’ve been kicking shit ever since.

he’d always tell me he wanted to be with me like forreal forreal. always expressed his intentions. always been honest (as far as i know). always asked what the hell i was running from or why i was playing with him. always talked shit about me not wanting to be his boo and all this. i remember a conversation we had after we talked for the first time since he had been blocked and he was upset. he was like i told you my intentions with you , i’m not playing. all this good shit. and i just explained to him that i needed to get my shit together. i didn’t want to start anything with him i couldn’t handle. i didn’t have a car .. my job at the bar was becoming shit , i wouldn’t be able to be the girlfriend or “boo” i would want to be for him. if he called and wanted me to come bring him some food , i couldn’t .. how with no money. i couldn’t meet him anywhere or come to him when he wanted .. how with no car of my own. and i was too prideful to always have to ask my mom to use her car without telling them what for. [[ although like i said earlier , i am a grown ass women. i have no reason to lie , or hide anything from anyone … that was the childish part of me. felt like i needed to hide dudes from my parents when they weren’t going to meet them. i didn’t know this man was going to actually make me his girl or not just want some booty. all i knew was my parents would ask a kagillion questions as if we were going to be serious and dating , or they’d think i was some kind of hoe if they knew about buddy and never met him. if that makes any kind of sense. all just still being the scary little timid and secretive girl i’ve always been. ]] but he said he didn’t care about all of that. whatever i was going through or working on we could work on and go through together. he was very persistent and adamant about us at least trying something out. he’d come see me at work when he could. and always was on my phone. by this time I was boo again. i finally let him take me out .. we went to have drinks at Applebee’s (how romantic right? 😂) but being out in public , not having to sneak , or hide .. felt so good. we went to Walmart afterwards. said he needed to get some groceries for his house … for me to cook him. HA! but from the time we left the restaurant , to the time we spent in the car , to the time spent shopping , even to him taking me back to the car so we could go our separate ways for the night i felt like he was someone i could really try some shit with. he never said too much about us having sex. never did extra shit to get me to come to his house .. none of that. i deadass liked this man. now at this point Richard and i were still involved with each other but time was winding down. i wanted Justin. couldn’t do too much with Richard’s ass any who … but i was giving him the cold shoulder to the highest degree. the night i really realized Justin and i were on the same accord was the night Richard pulled up on me at the house. i told Justin i wanted to see him and asked if he could come through for a minute. he did .. and we sat outside in the driveway for a little minute. talking. chilling. whole time my phone was going bizzurk. Richard was calling and texting me , talking about answer this next call or else. i was trying to find a reason to leave Justin but i didn’t want to lie to him. i did anyway. told him my little sister was looking for me and i needed to go back inside. all of a sudden , i hear/see an orange Camaro come rolling past the house and down the street. who else would it be than Richard’s ass. Justin’s windows aren’t tented so he saw very clearly who was in the car. i open the door and try to escape without being any more weird than i was already acting towards Justin. as i’m dismissing myself trying to stay calm , Richard’s ass pulls up in front of the house and watches. Justin asked was whoever it was in the car for me .. i lied and told him no. said he must’ve came looking for my dad or something. told him i’d see him later and rushing to close the door hoping for the absolute least to transpire at this time. he backs up and pulls off and i see Richard looking like “who tf is this nigga!” i start walking to the carport to go back inside and he pulls along side the entrance to the driveway and tells me to come here. i said no and tried to keep walking , he keeps saying come here , said he’s not going to do anything , just come here. i told him no again and was not trying to deal with anything he had to throw at me. he says something to me about not making him get out be car , but i wasn’t worried about any of that shit. we were outside my parent’s house and my daddy was home. he wasn’t about to act fool or do anything to draw attention to himself with that being considered. so he pulls off highly pissed and calls me. i answer and he’s going off about me being in the car with some nigga and what the hell we had to talk about that i couldn’t call and talk to Richard about. blah blah blah. this nigga then proceeds to fly down the road to catch up to Justin. buddy pulls up on him at the damn light and asks – while i’m still on the phone – “aye what’s up with you and Bri? yah talk?!” whole time i’m like really bruh. are you fucking kidding me. mind you dude is 39yrs old .. and had just cheated on me in the most major way! but nonetheless still too grown to be acting like that. of course during this whole thing Justin is texting and calling me trying to see what’s really good. he even text me from some random ass number saying “say” like ‘aye what tf is all of this shit?!?’ i text him and explained that Richard was my ex and he was crazy and wouldn’t leave me alone. told him I didn’t want him to get caught in the midst of all this shit because i really did like him and he didn’t deserve any of that. he explained what happened at the stoplight and how he told buddy we didn’t talk or whatever to help save my ass. said Richard said something about me not being able to talk to him (Richard) because I said i was talking to him (Justin) i told him i really really liked him and wanted this shit to ride because i really feel like we connect in a way i hadn’t with anyone else and that we could really build some great shit and have a dope ass relationship. no bullshit all games and jokes aside.he expressed that he already explained his intentions with me and how he deadass liked me … he felt everything i was saying and he even agreed. said he wasn’t even mad at me for all that , just didn’t want me to be fucking with him or trying to play him. from that moment on i knew that he deserved a shot and it was a 95%+ chance that he was being deadass genuine. some good really could come of this. time goes by , he comes to see me at work , i come kick shit with him at his house .. we had sex for the first time on March 6th. and for the first time i actually was happy i hadn’t given myself to him earlier.

…. wait , back to the purpose of me writing. lol. that went on longer than i expected to explain. 😂

anywho. we had grown so accustomed to being together and in arms reach at all times , the reality of me leaving was hitting us harder than we’d planned. i’m not just gone a few driving hours away to where i could come visit or vice versa on the weekends or however often we’d like. i’m deadass gone far enough away that we’d actually have to sit and plan out the time we’d visit and spend. going to sleep and waking up without him is so irritating at times. i miss my baby sooo much. and it’s killing me right now because i don’t know when i’ll see him next. we talked about him moving here .. or he said he’d be up this way by August .. all of this was really fucking with him and he wants us to be together. i want to believe he would do so but i don’t. i can’t seriously expect this man to drop his whole life , stop everything he’d been working so hard for , and come following after me. that’s too much responsibility on me. and too much stress and strain on him.

missing him combined with everything else racing around my head just makes me wish i hadn’t have left in the first place. although i know i needed to go now because if i hadn’t now , i never would have. and i would’ve been stuck in the same shit yet another year. but like i said .. it’s all for the best. maybe this is even supposed to help challenge our trust and relationship. who knows.

as if it’s not bad enough i can’t see him and touch him. look into his eyes , smell his skin , kiss his lips .. must i go on? i tell him today that we needed to set some sort of goal to look forward to that could help us meet in the middle as far as us being together physically. he says he plans on leaving at the most within the next year and a half. clearly not August like he sad at the gym. it’s cool though. except the fact idk what’s the middle for us , i don’t know where he would want to move to , i don’t know what would be asking too much of him , hell i don’t even know how long it’ll take for me to get my shit together here. and the last thing i would want to happen is allow the time spent away linger on too long and we eventually get used to not being with each other or catch interest in someone else and that just be it. this all happened so early on in our relationship , and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it right now but wait. we still have a lot of foundation to add to our beginning .. how the hell can we do that when we can’t even see each other. i mean i guess it’s good that we’ll be able to truly miss each other and we’re forced to talk more often now .. but all this in my head shit is getting to me.

i just want everything to fall into place the way that i see it happening and everything being so peachy keen … but what if what i want isn’t what is supposed to be? i don’t want to waste his or my time unnecessarily. i don’t want to be hurt. and i damn sure don’t want to hurt him. i mean i do have the reassurance that we both ultimately want the same thing. ride this thing until the wheels fall off. i just hope and pray that he really means and lives by what he says. i REALLY and TRULY have some serious feelings continuously growing for him. i mean it’s so serious i even pray for him. not just a little God bless my boyfriend. or a God keep him for me. or anything to do with me. i just pray for him in general. the very first time i did we were laying in the bed and he was asleep for the night. i put my hand on his head/face and i prayed for that man head to toe. and i have never genuinely just prayed for a significant other besides when they went through something or me asking the Lord to help me keep them or whatever.

i know ultimately all of this will be worth it. i know that things will get better for my life. i’m not worried about the outcome of me moving here. i’m just stressing myself while i’m in the process of .. you know? this will be fine. i will be fine. and if it’s really meant for bae and i to be anything , it’ll work out. i just don’t want to go through all of this in my own head mess anymore. if anyone knows the cure to this madness , PLEASE share!! hell. this shit sucks right now. and i don’t have bae to lay with or cuddle up next to when i do have my vulnerable and saddening moments. it’s tough. really really tough.

yet I still stand firm and say Thank You Jesus! 🙌🏾 this battle is not mine , but yours. have your way Lord. have your way.

[imnoexpertblog]

Hair, Skin, and Tough as Nails

3/17/18

As a blonde who enjoys being blonder than she naturally is, my hair is drier than I would prefer. It might seem like a “duh” piece of advice, but you’d be surprised as how many people don’t put coconut oil in their hair. Coconut oil is said to stimulate hair growth, moisturize, soften, shine, prevent breakage, and slow down loss of hair. I don’t need to slow down any hair loss or anything like that, but I do feel like everyone’s hair could be more hydrated and softer, so I really recommend using coconut oil on it. I’ve tried both the wet-hair method and the dry-hair method. I thought it was odd that I was advised to wet my hair first because water repels oil, but that was how I used to do it. I tried it while my hair was dry once, though, and I never did it wet again. I’m not sure if it was all in my head or not, but doing it dry made me feel like it was soaking the oil in better and that my hair was ending up softer. Either way works, according to my research. First, you should be using extra virgin coconut oil that is organic. You can get it at any grocery store. Now for how to use it. 1) We need to heat the oil up, because coconut is a solid at a normal room temperature. You should NOT heat it up in the microwave or directly over heat in a pan. It can “degrade the quality of the oil and make it less effective.” I would get a bowl of hot water and set it aside. In a smaller bowl, spoon a cup of coconut oil into that. (You can use more or less, depending on your hair). Place the entire small bowl with the oil into the bowl with hot water. The hot water will heat the oil up and melt it. It takes very little time to melt. 2) Either wet your hair and wring out, or just leave dry. 3) Massage oil into your hair, scalp to tip. I separate my hair by sections because it’s so thick. You can comb the oil through with an actual comb or just use your hands. 4) Throw on a shower cap and let it sit for at least a half hour. You can really leave it on as long as you like, though. I do this overnight sometimes (which means during the day for me, LOL, damn third shift). 5) When you are ready to wash it out, use warm water and shampoo like a normal shower. I wash my hair out twice just in case there is any oil left behind. I try not to style it with heat right after a good oil-soaking (I feel like I’m ruining my hair again right away) but do whatever you like! I do this once or twice a week and love what it does for me. Try it and enjoy the health of your hair!

I stopped tanning in a bed about 6 months ago. I only did it in the first place to dry out my acne. It turns out I really don’t need to tan anymore to have clear skin. I’m not sure if I’m outgrowing the acne or what, but I am not complaining. Either way, I am now as pale as I am supposed to naturally be. I look like loose-leaf. Very white. Baby and I are going to the Caribbean for our year anniversary this September and I don’t feel like being this white when we go there, so I’ve started looking into self-tanners. Obviously I don’t want to be orange, streaky, or splotchy. I was very close to buying Posh self-tanner and I also just discovered that Pure Romance now makes a self-tanner as well! Both sound like they work really well but my wallet wasn’t interested in their prices. As I was browsing everything in Target, I saw Jergens Natural Glow Revitalizing Lotion was on sale there. I remember using it a few times before I could legally tan in a bed and I also remember liking it. I bought the regular bottle and the face tanner, too. I have used it for two days and I’m already almost as tan as I was back when I used to fake-bake. I would say listen to the directions and wash your hands after each application. My hands are ever-so-slightly darker than the rest of me but I’m pretty sure it’s only noticeable to myself. I’m pretty happy I went with the cheapest option, but I have a few months to decide what I will use for sure. If you have any recommendations, let me know!

I am asked about how I lost 30 pounds with hardly going to the gym, all the time. Two words. Portion. Control. A long caption from an Instagram post of mine says, “I can’t say I’ve reached my weight loss goals from working out. Working out is fun and upbeat. The diet part… Not as fun. Eating egg-whites for breakfast instead of a doughnut, that’s not fun. Refusing the brownies someone brought into work and snacking on a banana instead; not always fun. Opting to go home and make chicken instead of running through the drive-through quick; not always what you’d prefer to do. Overeating, bored eating, mindless eating; those are really hard habits to break. Portion control; what the hell is that in America? Learn it because the gym is only a small piece. You can’t outrun the fork. It’s hard. It’s been hard. It gets easier though, I promise.” That being said, something I strongly recommend is learning the difference between when you are legitimately hungry and when you’re just bored or craving the taste of something. As for specifics, these are things I did that helped me get to where I am now. 1) I had to get rid of the food at my desk at work, or at least keep it in the break room away from me. With food being too close to me, it was too easy to eat when I was bored or tired or had nothing else to do. 2) I also needed to stop eating after my last meal of the day. There really was no reason for me to eat after 8 pm when I worked second shift (until 11 pm). Eating too close to bedtime is said to be bad for you and your digestion. I can say that when I gave myself a time cutoff for eating, it helped immediately. 3) I cut portions by half, basically. I did this easily by filling myself up a little before my meals with water. So 4) I was drinking a decent sized glass of water 30 minutes or so before my meals. Also, when you eat fast, you don’t feel full right away. You think you want seconds. But 5) You should actually wait 10 minutes before your second round because it’s said to take that long for your stomach to tell your brain that you're full. 6) Eating slower and chewing thoroughly is very helpful in reassuring your brain that you’ve eaten enough. 7) I also used a smaller plate when I was eating my half portions, to give the illusion that my plate was still full. 8) I cut soda and dessert-like foods completely. 9) Logging your food is helpful for a lot of people, as well. Having to see everything you eat in a day can be an eye opener. . Those were my big 9 practices in losing this weight. I can say all of this is very important, but so is keeping your stress levels low and sleeping well and long enough. I will add 10) I really enjoy owning a Fit Bit because it can track your sleep and also offers food logging. It tells you how many calories you have left for the day (based on your food you log) in comparison to how many you’ve had. It just lays everything out for you and makes it really simple. Not all of this is easy, but these things worked for me and I hope that you are willing to try them if you’re looking to lose some weight.

My weekly struggle is definitely my guilt over the way I ate and drank for my birthday. Over the course of six days, I gained over five pounds. That shouldn’t make me feel so crappy, but it does. I am way puffier and bloated than I was last week. I just got my free bag of Zero Tea 14 Day Detox (which I mention in my post Look Good, Feel Good) in the mail so I started it yesterday, and I’ve already dropped over 2 pounds from it. I’m a little less bloated already! I don’t feel like I’m back to my pre-birthday celebratory self, but with a few steam sessions after my workouts and keeping up my Detox, I’ll be back to where I was at in no time. It’s not so much about a number as it is about reaching and maintaining that tangible goal. The way I look is subjective, but a number is concrete. That is what I’m focused on until I tone-up. I want to prove to myself that I can maintain a certain weight before I decide to start gaining muscle. I’ve worked this hard for this long, I’m not stopping now! I think I will be talking entertainment next. I look forward chatting with you all then! Now I sleep.

[canaryatlaw]

alright it’s too late so I need to write. today was a bit all over the place, not sure really how to classify it. I dragged my ass out of bed at 7 fucking am to get ready to volunteer at the DV clinic for the day. Most of their regular staff was going to be training their summer interns for the day, so they needed coverage for people to do the OP’s. So I did my makeup and pulled on a blazer on the chance that I may actually end up stepping up on a case since I am an actual lawyer who can do that now, lol. Got my bagel half-eaten before running out the door to get to the bus (and took the bagel with me of course). The bus was fine, but when I had to switch to the train it was super packed, which isn’t terribly surprising being that it was a weekday at 8:30 am. But I made it there with good time. I was expecting a hassle at the security checkpoint getting in since it’s always a hassle, but surprisingly enough one of the sheriff’s that I knew had been around for a while did recognize me and just said “you work here?” and I said yes and they let me through, so that was nice. I always try to build up a nice rapport with them because it makes life way easier when they like you instead of them being generally antagonistic like they tend to be with pretty much everybody else who comes in, so I was glad to see that the effort I had put in there was still doing good, even if it’s just greeting them when you get in and wishing them a good night when leaving, which I’m sure to do with the ladies at the front desk as well. Once I got in I checked in with them, and then sat in the lobby to wait for a case. I figured since I had my laptop with me (the paperwork is digital so they want you to bring your own computer) so I figured I might as well get some work done and started going through the case record again, highlighting more stuff and anything inconsistent I picked up on after reading the whole thing. So I ended up doing that for the morning and we didn’t get anybody, so I walked down the street to the pizza place a few blocks up that does fairly decent pizza for lunch and had a slice before going back. Once I’d gotten through the real substance of the record (the opinion, testimonies, etc) and it was just really repetitive medical records I did notice that there was apparently wifi in the building now, which was definitely new, but I mean it’s been a year since I’ve been there so I guess it’s not terribly surprising they’d have it now (even if they didn’t acquire it in the 3 years I volunteered there before this). So I obtained the log in information for that and actually started doing some research work in the “brief bank” for the firm which is basically just a collection of cases sorted by issues, so I went from there and followed other cases they cited to get the right points. They ended up closing up the clinic for the day around 2:30 because at that point it’s really too late for anyone coming in to get through the whole process and make it to court before it closes, so I didn’t end up getting any cases for the day which was kinda disappointing just because it’s been so long since I’ve done one, but I did get a lot of work done so it wasn’t really any harm done to me. I do miss being there though, and now that I have a flexible schedule I may have to look into volunteering there on a more consistent basis, since they do have a volunteer attorney program and I can actually attorney now as opposed to just prepping the paperwork and having to wish your client good luck while you sit in the gallery and pray your case doesn’t end up going to hell (because, sadly, that happens sometimes) which is literally the worst feeling, so I look forward to not having to deal with that ever again, lol. But anyway, I headed home, much easier commute without so many people. When I got off the train the bus predictor app said there were two like .18 of a mile away so I flew down the stairs and out to the bus stop only to discover the bus stuck in traffic a ways down and ended up having to wait 5 minutes before actually getting on it, so that was kinda anticlimactic, lol. But I got home and had some time to kill, so I did some more research work for the case and pulled the case law that can be useful to me. I ended up getting 6 hours of work in, so that was pretty good (according to my hourly rate that’s $168, but that’s before taxes and everything so who the hell knows how much that actually is). Around 6 I started prepping dinner, which was going to be my mom’s recipe for a spinach quiche that she’s made a million times, and gave me the recipe like two years ago and I’ve never used it up till this point but now that I had a leftover bag of spinach to use it seemed like the perfect opportunity to make it. The recipe called for frozen spinach and I had a bag of fresh, but I just figured eh fuck it and threw it in. The recipe is legit just throw everything into a bowl and mix, then stick it in a baking dish and cook. Since the fresh spinach took up a lot more space than the frozen would’ve I had to let it mix a while longer and by the time it was ready the entire thing was like, bright green, so I was like well this is going to be interesting looking for sure lol. I went to pour it into a pie plate because that’s what my mom always used, except there was way too much of it so I ended up separating it into two pie plates and guessing the time for them to cook. I also ordered bubble tea since Jess was coming over, so that came and she showed up shortly after. It was around this time that I learned about the shooting in VA Beach, which I had initially heard about as it just looked like a few people were injured, then it came out that 12 people were dead, and that was a big gut punch. If you’re not aware, I went to college in VA Beach and love the city greatly, and have about a hundred (according to facebook), friends still living in the area, so like, way too many people to actually keep track of, and I knew I wouldn’t feel fully okay about it until I could see a list of victim names and make sure there wasn’t anybody I knew on it. I texted two of my good friends there to make sure they were okay and thankfully they both were. But yeah, that was kinda putting me into a bit of a funk, not just because of not knowing about people being hurt but also because I love that place so damn much and it hurts me so badly to see them have to deal with a tragedy like this. A piece of my heart will forever live there, and of course that’s going to be affected when something like this happens. Sigh. Anyway. I tried to figure out if the quiche was cooked through and when I was reasonably sure it was we ate it with our bubble tea and it actually came out very good for something I was somewhat concerned that I fucked up, so I was happy about that. Once we finished we decided we really needed to actually watch the Game of Thrones finale since we’d actually avoided doing so up to this point. And well, I don’t think i really have any input to add that hasn’t been said already, but I will echo the sentiments that they did a total injustice to Daenerys’ storyline and her character development, and watching that play out was painful to watch, especially with how it was done. And other than that really the episode was pretty damn boring. The way they ended up deciding Bran to be king was.....odd, and didn’t really make any sense. So yeah, not surprisingly it was a pretty big let down, but oh well, it’s done now. Jess went home after we finished that (even though she promised me ice cream but she’s a LIAR) so I watched some netflix food shows for a bit, then ended up chatting with my roommate for a while once she got home about like anything and everything, we rarely ever get the chance to really talk because we’re always just barely running into each other, so it was a really good conversation that I thoroughly enjoyed. And yeah, after that I showered and started getting ready for bed and now it is 2:56 am and I really need to get to bed so I’m ending this here. Goodnight dears. Happy weekend.