#I’m truly the worst canes fan but how can I not be when this dude’s out there looking like this

[killian-whump]

OUAT 2x11: Rewatch Blog

Alright, everybody. Buckle yourselves in, because this is gonna be one WILD ride of a Rewatch Blog right here. Today’s episode is “The Outsider” - also known as “The Episode Where Killian Jones Is Attacked with a Bookshelf, Beaned with an Oar, Knocked into the Hold of His Own Ship, Beaten with a Cane, Almost Straight-Up Murdered, Slapped and Demeaned, Having Just About the Worst Day Humanly Possible... Then Gets Hit By a Car”.

There’s going to be a lot of flailing. There’s going to be a lot of GIFs.

And you’ll probably never see another Rewatch Blog from me, because I will be blogging and reblogging content from this episode for the rest of my life, because the sheer quantity of whump in this one episode is mind-boggling.

At any rate, let’s get on with the show!

You know, it’s a good thing Mr. Gold shelled out the money for a nice luxury car, because that trunk space seems to really come in handy for him.

Smee bondage and whump, if anyone’s into that ;)

Oh no, is this the episode with the Mogwai that isn’t actually a Mogwai, but I always think it’s a Mogwai because that’s the name that sticks in my head? I’m terrible at knowing which episode is which unless it’s cataloging Killian whump, then I know all. Anyway, this title card is kinda unimpressive.

Aww... It’s a funeral :( Sweet words from Snow, but I keep wondering who the poor sap is that’s actually buried in that coffin... and did they dig him/her up later and give them a proper burial under their own name? Or just figure, “Eh, that’ll do” and just forget about it?

I love how Pongo doesn’t actually seem sad, too. Easily ignored on first viewing, but on second viewing, he totally looks like, “Dudes... Why are we here?”

Mmm... I love it when Colin’s being aggressive and wicked <3

“I only have enough of this potion for one object.” And I don’t suppose you could, like, make more of it or anything XD This show is so silly sometimes.

Oh, it IS the Mogwai-that-isn’t-a-Mogwai episode. Know how I know? Here’s how I know: That’s the episode Belle makes this epic face in:

I feel you, Belle. I feel you.

Yaoguai. Yaoguai. NOT a Mogwai. Give me 20 minutes, it’ll be a Mogwai again.

“No man has been able to kill it.” Oh, I’ve heard THAT before.

La la la la la, Happy Day, Happy Morning, Happy Library.

OH SHIT, THERE’S A HOT PIRATE IN THE LIBRARY.

Aaaaaaaaaand there’s some improper usage of library resources. Incidentally, this is one of my favorite Hook bestings, because not everyone can say they were bested by a librarian with a cart of books.

Action Hook! Leaping and running...right into that door. Not his best moment. Oh, I know. Let’s hit the door. That should help. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

Umm... Convenient cell phone issues, ahoy! That’s always annoyed me.

“I trust you’ve seen one before.” Kinda snarky for someone setting out on a quest with the guy, I mean, at least try to make friends?

Nevermind, that dude’s an asshole. Although to be fair, she was rude first.

“It’s taken me weeks to track the Mogwai Yaoguai here.” “Yeah, I found it in a day.” Seriously, Belle? Seriously?! Tact.

‘I just can’t understand why people are being so mean to me...’

See, I don’t understand the convenient cell phone outage, when Gold’s just going to rush right over and find her and get the whole story from her anyway. Like, what purpose did that odd snafu cause? She could’ve just as easily gotten the message across on the phone or simply said, “Rumple! Help!” and explained more when he got there, and we wouldn’t have to suspend belief that her cell phone just mysteriously stopped getting reception right when she needed it.

Every time I watch this episode, they always leave out the best part.

“I managed to wrangle up a Pop Tart.” Emma, you culinary genius.

“No one is here.” “Yet.” FORESHADOWING!!!!

“This is really not your concern.” HE JUST STRAIGHT UP TRIED TO KILL HER, RUMPLE. I think that makes it her concern. “He attacked me. It most definitely is my concern.” See?! Even Belle agrees with me.

“She died. That’s all that matters.” Ummmmmmmmmm...

Surprisingly good plan, actually. And it makes sense how Smee would know all of this (although how he knew about the shawl is a mystery). I would’ve liked to have seen Smee and Hook reunite, though :(

Wow, Gold... Kinda being a major jerk right now. “How exactly are you gonna help me?!” I mean, it’s a valid question, but seriously. TACT, people.

“Promise me that you going after Hook is just about getting the shawl back.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, no. Kudos to him for not lying here, though.

“Wait, you’re a-” “Yeah, I know.” Heehee! :D

Oh no, the Monkey’s Fist that launched a million headcanons...

To be real, I don’t really buy into the headcanons, since a Monkey’s Fist is a ridiculously common knot and one used as a counterweight on sailing vessels, but I’m always a fan of painful headcanons, so I like it, anyway.

That said, I don’t even know why it was necessary. I mean, he’s a pirate. Seems like a no-brainer that he might’ve come to this realm with, you know, a ship. It just seems like a convoluted way to have Belle be able to use her book smarts to solve a mystery that shouldn’t be a mystery at all.

Awww... Smee is cute as a rat :D

LOL, I love the way Belle walks with the gun, swinging it like it’s a handbag or something. Haha. Gun safety classes. Pronto.

See, now THAT was clever sleuthing, hearing the ship, seeing the birds landing on something that isn’t there... and especially tossing the sand.

Action Belle! Rescuing Archie! Woowoo!

...straight into dish drying. Seriously, the segues on this show...

Umm... Listening in on extensions isn’t really cool.

“How did he get in here?” He pushed the door right open. We watched him do it, like, 5 seconds ago. You didn’t lock the door, obviously. DON’T YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A TOWN WITH EVIL VILLAINS RUNNING AMOK? Although, to be fair, those villains aren’t the kind who let door locks stop them, so why bother... but then don’t act surprised when dogs push your front door open!

...Also, giving your kid a dog without asking the people you live with if that’s okay is also not cool. Just saying, haha.

You know, I’d question the likelihood of Hook hiding the key to a locked box literally right next to the box in question, but this is a man who also hid the Shears of Motherfucking Destiny in a tool box in the shed, so...

“That doesn’t belong to you.” Like that’s gonna work, haha.

I knew she shouldn’t have set the gun down.

“You are.” “Me?” Yes, you and your fantastic cleavage.

To his credit, he didn’t just blow her head off right here, when he easily could’ve.

Aaaaaand now it’s time for ridiculously sexual conversating.

Aw, random Millian feels T_T “Because she made it.” T_T

“Died. Like it was some kind of accident. Is that what he told you?” That really was a pretty massive whitewashing Rumple did right there.

“His heart is true... and yours? Yours is rotten.” Okay, Jan.

Heeeeeeeeeeey, that’s not Colin!

No matter what the occasion or the peril, it’s always a good time for puns.

HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP YAAAAAY

“You may want to turn away, Belle. This isn’t gonna be pretty.” I beg to differ. This scene is beautiful, actually. All kinds of blood and pain and wavering voices and begging for death and slapping and humiliation... Yum.

I did warn you guys there would be flailing.

WHY WOULD YOU CUT AWAY FROM THAT SCENE. THIS IS WHY THE MOGWAI ANGERS ME. DON’T CUT AWAY FROM HOOK WHUMP FOR SILLY MOGWAIS OR WHATEVER THEY ARE *flail*

Also, he should’ve been naked. I mean, it makes sense. And... naked.

“Do it! Do it! Kill me! He has to show you how powerful he is. Rip my heart out. Kill me like you did Milah, and then I’ll finally be reunited with her.”

THAT HURTS ME, GUYS. IT HURTS ME T_T My baby...

Rumple’s response makes me laugh every time, though.

‘I MEAN, COME ON, NOW I LITERALLY HAVE TO.’

Oh gods, guys, that slap is my favorite Hook slap ever. It’s just so patronizing and insulting and... AHH, I’M ALIVE.

...and that tiny smirk at the very end. Homeboy’s not done with yoooou :D

Domestic issues over house hunting in aisle three.

It’s really sad when little boys want to build armories to protect themselves from their Other Mom :( Seriously, show. That’s a low blow :(

Well, here we are... Late night drive... Five minutes left in the show... Not like anything much is gonna happen here...

Oh, a random flashback... Evil Queen capturing Belle... Nice, nice.

Only three minutes left now, awww, Gold can leave town <3

Two minutes left now, it’s not like they have time to- OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHOT BELLE

OH MY GOD HE LOOKS HOT BLOODY AND FIRING A GUN

“Oh, fear not, she’ll live. She’ll just have no idea who you are.” “What you’ve done cannot be undone!!!” “Well, now you finally know how it feels!” I love that exchange. Really and truly <3

Only one minute to go, there’s no way there could be any more unexpected twists or turns or - OH MY GOD IT’S A CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT RUMPLE MOVE

OH MY GOD HOOK GOT HIT BY THE CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT FUCKER FLY!

OH MY GOD I THINK HE’S DEAD D:

(Spoiler Alert: He’s not dead.)

OH MY GOD THAT’S THE END

OH MY GOD PEW PEW PEW PEW