#I’m totally being facetious

[impossibleprincess35]

Not me cackling like an old witch because OF COURSE we would get tragic Bad Batch episodes and a Barriss Offee comeback on SATINE WEEK.

[vapeman]

my worst fear is coming true tbh 14 months on T and I’m still too pretty to pass

[hurricane-eggbeater]

Just started watching Succession and Kendall Roy reminds me *so* much of this guy I graduated with

[greenhikingboots]

Jon’s Pre-Canon Crush

Okay, Jonsa fam. I’ve seen a lot of great posts, especially in the last few months, about Jon’s reactions to Val. Among them, there’s one particular vein I like to assume everyone loves as much as I do. That is, when Jon thinks of Val’s hair as silver vs. when he thinks of it as the color of dark honey. You’ve seen those metas, right? They explain the likelihood of Jon’s future connection to Dany being negative — The air tastes cold. / My tongue is too numb to tell. All I taste is cold. — while his future connection to Sansa will be positive — It had been a long while since Jon Snow had seen a sight so lovely.

Well, in this post I want to expand on the angle of Val-is-sometimes-a-stand-in-for-Sansa. Only, I don’t want to speculate on what will happen between Jon and Sansa in the future, if we ever get GRRM’s last two books. Enough people have already done that, and they’ve done it so wonderfully that I have little to add. Instead, as the title of this post says, I want to focus on Jon’s pre-canon crush. More specifically: I want to focus on what Jon’s thoughts and feelings about Val say about his thoughts and feelings about Sansa.

But let me lay some groundwork first, okay? Until a few weeks ago, I went back and forth on pre-canon crush theories. I agreed they held a lot of potential and were a lot of fun to daydream about — a great premise for a one-shot, to be sure! Oh, and I’ve always loved it when people said things like, “Hey, Jon, your Targaryen is showing.” That’s classic stuff. But did I really think GRRM meant to hint at prior feelings rather than just laying a foundation for future feelings? Again, until a few weeks ago, I wasn’t totally convinced either way. But now I am fully committed to the Pre-Canon Crush Camp, assigned to cabin Jon-Had-Feelings-for-Sansa. [Did Sansa have feelings for Jon too? Ummm maybe? I think there’s some evidence to support that, but not as much. But, hey, that’s not the point of this post. Sorry. Moving on.] So what changed? Well, basically some ideas I’d previously had sunk in on a deeper level. It started with this post from @sherlokiness. It talks about GRRM commenting on a discrepancy in the books, two occasions where Jeyne Westerling’s physical descriptions do not match up. GRRM said the discrepancies were a mistake, a really unfortunate one because it distracts from the times when he intentionally included discrepancies of physical appearances. And basically us Jonsas loved it. Like, “Yep! Make sense! We assumed as much already, Mr. Martin.” And that’s because of the canon line mentioned earlier, right? You know the whole thing, don’t you? Oh, but you want me to quote it here anyway? Okay, fine, I’ll oblige.

They [Ghost and Val] look as though they belong together. Val was clad all in white [bleh, bleh, bleh] …but her eyes were blue, her long braid the color of dark honey, her cheeks flushed red from the cold. It had been a long while since Jon Snow had seen a sight so lovely.

Direwolf. Lots of white. Suspicious ellipses. Blue eyes. Long braid the color of dark honey. Right, okay, got it.  [BTW. Did you know there’s also a point, early on, where Val’s described as having high cheekbones? You know, a feature Sansa has as well!?!?] Anyway, when I saw sherlokiness’s post about GRRM’s comments and the Jonsas relating it to that canon scene with Ghost and Val, I reblogged it. Naturally. And in the tags I said something like, “I’ll have to double check but I’m pretty sure the willowy creature line comes after this line. As in, maybe Jon knew exactly who Val reminded him in that moment and he was trying to talk himself out of his pre-canon crush coming back to the surface.” I’m paraphrasing here. My tags were probably not as clear as that. Also, I was being a bit facetious. It was a thought I’d had before, but just a passing one. Again (AGAIN! Do I say that too much?), I’d been going back and forth about pre-canon crush theories for a long time. But @agentrouka-blog saw my tags and was like, “You might be onto something there.” And then @zimshan saw my tags too and did the double check for me. Thanks! And guess what? GUESS WHAT, JONSA FAM!? I was right about the order. First, Jon sees Ghost and Val, thinks her eyes are blue and her hair is like dark honey, and it is a lovely sight. Second, this line:

Val looked the part [of a princess] and rode as if she had been born on horseback. A warrior princess, he decided, not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair and waiting for some knight to rescue her.

But guess what else? The order isn’t even the most striking thing. The most striking thing is how closely these two lines appear to one another — within just a few pages!!! That's what zimshan said. So I went back to read it myself. Not just the two lines to check the order, but a little before, and a little after, and everything in between. If you want, you can do the same. It’s ADWD Jon XI.

Want to know what stuck out to me most? The willowy creature line actually seems… so odd, and out of place, and unnecessary. I swear to you. Let me try to explain.

Basically, by that point in the chapter, Jon has already clearly established his take on Val. She’s beautiful, everyone knows it, but she’s more than that. She’s strong and capable. She found Tormund and brought him back to Castle Black when Jon’s Night’s Watch Rangers couldn’t manage it. Like, Jon’s thankful for Val, okay? 

Oh, and he also seems aware that he holds her in higher regard than the rest of the men who keep calling her a princess even though she’s not one. I think he feels smug about it, to be honest. Like, he wouldn’t use these words because it’s ASOIAF, but he knows he’s a budding feminist and he’s proud of himself for it. Like, “I’m so much better than these asshats who don’t respect women and think all Val has to offer is her pretty face.”

How great is that? I love book Jon so much.

Where was I, though? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! This next part is key. Up until the willowy creature line, Jon has not had a single disparaging thought about Val. Val being cruel about Shireen’s greyscale hasn’t happened yet. But for some reason — *Getting too executed. Brain malfunctioning!*

AH! I SWEAR JONSA FAM! If you read the willowy creature in fuller context, it comes across as if Jon’s correcting himself for having a disparaging thought about Val, like he’s reminding himself of who she truly is. She’s a warrior princess, not a willowy creature. But like, why? Why does Jon feel the need to do this? He hasn’t had a disparaging thought about Val, so why correct himself as if he has?

Just because she’s beautiful? Just because he’s tired of other men calling her a princess? I mean, I guess that could be the whole story. That’s certainly how we’re supposed to take it, if we’re taking it at face value. But I’m not convinced. Go read it again, and I think you’ll see that when the willowy creature line happens, it actually feels like a weird logic leap.

The dots aren’t connecting because one dot is missing!!!! Let me put a pin in that for a moment while I turn to other mini metas in our Jonsa fandom. Antis like to say, “Jon doesn’t like girls like Sansa. He doesn't like willowy creatures, he said so himself.” But we know that’s crap, right? The boy who liked Ygritte’s gentle side? The boy who helps Alys Karstark by marrying her to Sigorn? The boy who dreamed his mother was a highborn lady with kind eyes? The boy who wanted to show his hypothetical wife Winterfell’s glass gardens and bath with her in the hot pools?

Yeah, that boy is a budding feminist, like I said.

So again I ask (AGAIN!) why would Jon — who is not especially critical of women in general and has not been critical of Val at all up to this point — feel the need to correct himself by thinking this critical thing about willowy creatures? In other words, why does he lift up Val by putting down some vague idea of other women he’s never had a problem with before?

Well, obviously it turns out that I believe my facetious, tongue in cheek tags more than I realized when I wrote them. My position is that somewhere in the two pages between ...a long while since Jon had seen a sight so lovely… and ...not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair… Jon realized Val reminded him of Sansa, he felt guilty and ashamed about it, and then felt the need to do damage control. And because guilt and shame are icky, confusing feelings, his damage control took the form of being critical of Sansa even though he isn’t normally critical of such women. 

Am I making sense? How do I explain myself further? Like, why am I so stuck on this idea Jon’s willowy creature line being two pages after the Ghost and Val looking lovely together line must mean Jon had a pre-canon crush?

I think the crux is what I said about the willowy creature line feeling like a weird logic leap — like the dots aren’t connecting because one is missing. The missing dot is Jon being aware that he’s mentally swapped Val with Sansa. He just doesn’t acknowledge this on the page.

Let me be extra clear. I’m now differing from several others who have written about pre-canon crush theories in that I think Jon was aware of his crush. I’ve seen many say it’s all subconscious. But this stuff with Val makes me think otherwise.

I mean, I know Jon has a pattern of dissociation. For him, thinking, and speaking, and acting from his subconsciousness is a common occurrence. So, yes, he could have subconsciously thought Val looked like Sansa and subconsciously felt guilty and ashamed and therefore subconsciously decided to do damage control by subconsciously reminding himself Val is a warrior princess and therefore not a willowy creature.

But I think GRRM was hinting at an exception to Jon’s pattern with these canon lines. Because if the first part is happening subconsciously — Jon thinking Val looks like Sansa and that it’s a lovely sight — then he wouldn’t feel the need to do damage control afterwards? If he wasn’t aware of thinking of Sansa in that moment, isn’t it more likely he’d just carry on with taking Val to meet Selyse, and the odd, out of place, unnecessary line about a willowy creature wouldn’t have been included? What else, what else?

I said earlier that I think Jon’s crush is an innocent, not sexual thing. Let me expand on that. And uuuuuhhhhh... let me clarify that I think that might be changing some over time.  My guess is when Jon was younger, his thoughts were more along these lines: “Sansa is pretty, and a proper lady, and everything men are taught to want. She’ll be a good wife for someone someday. Obviously not me. That’s sinful, I don’t want it, and I’m a bastard so I can’t marry a highborn lady anyway. But objectively, Sansa’s a good catch.” Which kinda matches how Jon thinks of Val at times, right? Like, she’s a catch but he doesn’t want her. He’s not taking Winterfell and a Wife because Winterfell belongs to Sansa and he’s a man of the Night’s Watch, dammit! But hang on a second. Sometimes Jon’s thoughts about Val are more elicit, aren’t they? He thinks about the size of her breasts and she’s the hypothetical wife he pictures romancing in Winterfell. Don’t worry, I’m not saying I’m secretly a Jon/Val shipper. What I’m getting at is this other thing we’ve talked about in the Jonsa fandom. Jone projects his general desires onto Val. He’s getting older. He’s unhappy at the Wall. Winterfell isn’t Robb’s like he thought it would be, and Bran and Rickon are thought to be dead. And Stannis is offering Winterfell and Val to him. Plus he’s now been intimate with a woman, Ygritte. So he knows that sex feels nice. All in all, Jon’s becoming more in tune with wanting Winterfell, and a wife, and a family, and wanting to fu—

You get the idea. ;)

Soooooo. If you buy into the premise that A) Jon considered Sansa a good catch when they were younger B) He’s thinking more and more about romance and sex C) Val is also a good catch and easy to project feelings onto and D) Woopsies, Val just reminded me of Sansa! Well, then where does all that leave Jon? Feeling like he needs to distance himself from positive thoughts about Sansa, right? But without ever thinking her name because of his pattern of dissociation and because GRRM is tricky like that.  Am I making my point clearer, or just talking in circles?  Like, I know plenty of people have already said Val is a switch-back-and-forth-stand-in-for-other-characters. The first two short paragraphs of this post mentions those metas.  But holy smokes! If Jon is aware of A-D mentioned above, that adds a fascinating layer of subtext to his scenes with and thoughts about Val.  Let’s talk about it forever!

Just kidding. I think I’m almost done here.  Basically, I think the willowy creature line is Jon knowingly saying to himself, “Yikes, the thoughts I had about Sansa in the past didn’t bother me much because they were 99% innocent. But they are less innocent now and that’s a problem! You can’t like Sansa! Don’t confuse Sansa with Val,  dummy! Val is a warrior princess! Sansa is a willowy creature and willowy creatures are bad!”

Okay, sure, Jon.  Let me wrap up with one more canon line.

Of Sansa brushing out Lady’s coat and singing to herself. You know nothing, Jon Snow.

We often link this line to Ygritte for obvious reasons, but I’m now in the habit of linking it more to Val and the canon lines mentioned previously. I think GRRM wrote a the three lines — a sight so lovely + willow creature + of Sansa brushing out Lady’s coat — as a subtle continuation of one another. Us Jonsas saw the potential for underlying romantic feelings in the last one, that’s nothing new. But I want to add that it’s a direct contrast to the willowy creature line. As Jon is bleeding out, he can no longer be bothered to put up a front and pretend he doesn’t have feelings for Sansa, feelings that have gotten more complicated as of late.

Oh so subtle. Really not that much different than what others have said before me. But different enough I wanted to mention it. Now someone put it in a fanfic!!

[ceeceetv]

Something I’ve been turning over in my mind lately is the fact that Mobius tells Loki “think of it as comforting” in S1E1 re: the TVA knowing his whole life. But then later (or simultaneously?!) in S2E6 ofc he tells Loki that there’s no comfort at the TVA. And it’s basically the exact same version of him from the same moment delivering both lines. Just in response to different questions.

So was he lying to Loki the first time? Being facetious? Or does he think there’s comfort in what the TVA does for everyone except those actually working for the TVA? Comfort even for a variant like Loki? I’m just so interested in the word choice…they went with “comforting” in both scenes. Mobius presents as totally at peace and even happy with the TVA and his place there for the first part of S1, so hearing him admit that there’s no comfort, actually, just makes my head spin with questions. I’m so interested in Mobius’s innermost feelings about his life at the TVA pre-Loki. He was obviously content on some level, albeit lonely…but what’s in the other layers, if anything?

[buthowboutno]

totally not late 15k hits post

hmm? what’s that? we hit 15k hits on ATWLP?? like, yesterday, right? mhmm? yes?

We’re just gonna totally gloss over how I’ve left y’all on a cliffhanger for the past two weeks but uhhh HERE’S SOME CONTENT PSPSPS I PROMISE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (my gf was visiting, i was too busy fawning over her to type xoxo.)

I would just like to say again that my readers are so fucking insane and talented and you guys have really been SUCH a huge support for every step of the way. It only took like three chapters to gain 5k hits!!! That’s absolutely /wild/. 

So anyways, to the stinkies that have been here since the beginning and the ones that have joined us recently, i love y’all so so much and here’s to the second half of this truly monstrous fic.

Beneath the cut: Donnie’s POV from the end of Chapter 15.

QuarkedUp: not dogging on the newbies but she may or may not have caused us to have to redo our entire experiment

BootyShaker9000: You? Not being outright facetious to someone?

BootyShaker9000: Who are you and what have you done with the short nerd?

BootyShaker9000: Follow up question, will you keep them forever?

QuarkedUp: I hate you

Donnie snorted at your text as it popped up on the screen. He caught May smirking at him through the corner of his eye while he typed a response.

“What, am I not entertaining enough company?” she asked, taking a sip of her cocoa and keeping eye contact with Donnie over the rim of her mug. May had pointedly left the matching set alone for you and Donnie.

Donnie had appreciated that with words he couldn’t begin to form yet.

“I fear there’s no way to answer this without getting on someone’s bad side,” Donnie said.

May snorted, setting her mug down and reaching for the tupperware Donnie had brought over. Mikey had made more lavender sugar cookies that he insisted that Donnie take over to you that night, nevermind the fact that you were coming over later tomorrow.

Donnie might have… left out that detail when Mikey had asked him.

“Ah, well, don’t let me get in between you and your partner,” May teased. She bit into a cookie and hummed appreciatively.

Donnie’s cheeks felt warm as he began typing again. He would never get used to May calling you his partner. Between her and Splinter, Donnie’s mind had been rife with intrusive thoughts about you.

Thoughts about grabbing your hand with his when you placed it on his knee, about sticking his face in his hoodies when you finally returned them.

Thoughts about…

Nope! Lock it down, Donatello.

BootyShaker9000: You do not.

BootyShaker9000: Would you like me to make you something to drink?

QuarkedUp: oh yes pl

BootyShaker9000: Have we reached the point in society where we just aren’t finishing words anymore?

BootyShaker9000: May and I just finished off the last of the hot cocoa, but I can make you a green tea?

Donnie got up from his beanbag and walked over to the little area where the kettle was set up, flicking it on and searching through the little drawers for the tea you liked.

“I’m so glad the two of you use the mugs I bought,” May said as Donnie pulled out the matching pair to his mug. Donnie gave May a soft smile before turning back around to retrieve the honey.

“We use them every time I come over. I think their excessive abuse of caffeine is the last thing keeping your roomie tethered to reality, if I’m being honest,” Donnie said. Not that he, admittedly, was much better. You had forced him to start limiting his Redbull intake to just two cans a day if you couldn’t have your third or fourth cup of coffee.

‘Turnabout’s fair play,’ as you had told him.

‘I’m an engineered weapon of war,’ Donnie said back, ‘I can handle a little caffeine.’

How rude of you to care about his well-being.

May cackled, reaching into the tupperware for another cookie, “That’s what they get for being an engineer. Us art majors just go insane in the poetic way.”

Donnie huffed a laugh through his nose, “How very Plath of you.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” May said. Donnie walked back over to retrieve his mug and took a long sip while he opened up his chat with you.

No new messages.

Weird.

BootyShaker9000: Sweetums?

“Has your roommate texted you in the last five minutes?” Donnie asked, setting his mug back down and tapping at his tech gauntlet to check your location.

“You’re… really overprotective, aren’t you?” May asked, but pulled out her phone all the same. With a few swipes she looked back up at Donnie, “Nothing since this morning.”

“Some might say I’m paranoid within reason,” Donnie said, focusing his full attention to his tech gauntlet. He tapped on your icon showing your location and pulled up your health stats. Heart rate slightly elevated, but nothing else too concerning, “My concern is backed up with years of empirical data and, for lack of better words, gut feeling.”

“I can refer you to some resources on campus for your anxiety, you know,” May said. She looked concerned, but Donnie just waved her off.

“Still not a student, but thank you.”

Donnie’s gauntlet started beeping obnoxiously, startling both of them. Donnie’s heart stopped when he saw the familiar notification on the screen.

“Something happened,” Donnie said, engaging his jetpack and taking off immediately through the open window. He didn’t wait a second to give May any explanation. How could he? How could he waste any second that should be spent making sure that you were okay?

He hovered above your last known location, finding nothing but the faint scent of your body wash and acetone that you had undoubtedly spilled earlier in your lab. Donnie dropped down to the ground and tried to trace where your smell was coming from. His eyes locked on his your hoodie that was folded neatly and placed on the edge of the sidewalk.

Donnie practically fell to his knees as he grabbed it. Your phone fell out of the front pocket as he did so with a note taped to the screen. Donnie’s hands shook as he picked it up off of the ground, thumbing the piece of paper open so he could read the messy scrawl.

Othello Von Ryan,

For old time’s sake, I’ll be frank. We have your partner and you have significant funds. There doesn’t need to be any hassle tonight, just so long as you follow every instruction.

Load $20,000 worth of Bitcoin onto a USB and go to the address sent to your phone. Bring no one. Leave your weapons behind. If you try anything, we will not hesitate to cut our losses and move on.

Consider our graciousness for your years of theft to be a gift for the happy couple.

–Purple Dragons

Donnie felt a eerie calm wash over him. It was like he had retreated into the back of his own skull, only merciless logic and cold fury guiding his next actions.

He pocketed your phone and rose from the ground with the hoodie in hand. He ran his thumb over the soft fabric, his mind completely focused while he pressed call on his phone.

“Leo? I’m going to need you to listen very carefully.”

[whumpninja]

Are you going to charge for the custom ask games?

So here’s the thing. (And this post won’t be me being facetious, this’ll be Jack in a little more serious mode.)

I totally could. I don’t even have to be ridiculous about it, I could say “five bucks and I’ll make you an ask game.”

But first off, I don’t really feel like I need to. I’m not really in need of money at the moment, I have a stable job and I’m not moving out for awhile and I’m even taking steps towards my dream career. And I also don’t feel like this is something that’s worth charging for. I’m not spending hours on a drawing or writing a custom story. I’m just…picking out emojis and thinking up questions.

Here’s the other thing.

I don’t want to.

I’m a bit of a newbie to the community. Not technically, I’ve been hanging around here for years. But I only recently revealed myself. I’m trying to make friends and get a foothold in the community, and I think this will be a really good way to make friends and get to know people. I mean, they’re going to be telling me all about their stories and their OCs. That’s pretty cool stuff! Bottom line, I don’t really want to charge people money for being my friend. I just want to be friends, y’know?

So no, the custom ask games will not be a paid thing. They might take me a little while- I’m planning on doing them as a first come first serve project, probably one or two a week- but they’ll be free and the only thing you’ll have to give me is the time it takes to do them.

[freeuselandonorris]

I am so sorry this is so random and a callback to a series of asks from months ago but I thought about it this morning -

Lando would likely be awkward and “oh haha, I’ve never done this before!” with an afab!partner who’s not built like an underwear model in the lead up to having sex but you can’t tell me he wouldn’t have Cheshire Cat style swirly eyes once that person is naked and *whoa* yeah big tits and an ass but everything is in proportion? Mind blown

haha oh my god anon I had to scroll back so far in my asks to find this but yeah it was my (heavily facetious) list of drivers who’d fuck a woman who isn’t an underwear model without being weird about it.

anyway in short: yes, totally agreed. he’d be weird about it for sure, but Lando ‘Oh I’m So Tiny Everyone’s So Much Bigger Than Me 👉👈🥺’ Norris? yeahhh. i think he just wants to get stepped on.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Stick Season (5/14)

Summary: After Finn dies, Kurt leaves everything he knows behind without a trace. His hometown, his family, his boyfriend. When his dad has a medical scare, he returns to Lima, one year after breaking Blaine’s heart with no explanation.

Tropes/Genres: Angst, Reconciliation, Grief, Alcoholism, Mentions of Major Character Death

Track 5: Come Over // Day 5: You’re The Best Thing

Words: 632

A/N: Can I offer y'all some fluff in these trying times?

***

“Kurt! The guy you’ve got a big fat stupid crush on is here!”

“Oh, my god, shut up, Finn!”

As Kurt trots down the stairs, his brother gives him a sly smirk. 

“You’re the one who invited him over, anyway,” Kurt scoffs, stepping to the circular mirror in the doorway to check his reflection.”

“Yeah, because it was getting pretty pathetic watching you pine over the new kid every time he sang a solo in glee club.”

“You are so annoying. I am not pining.”

“Right, so you’re fixing your hair because you totally don’t care what he thinks about you.”

Kurt freezes for a moment before tossing Finn a sharp glare. “Shut up,” he mutters, as the latter opens the door for their guest.

“Blaine, my man!” Finn calls out, greeting the newest member of the New Directions with a hi-five and brotherly hug. “How’s it going?”

“Great! I’m so excited, I can’t believe they’re showing A New Hope at the theaters again, after all these years! Thanks for the ticket, by the way, I really appreciate it.”

Finn gives a grimace that Kurt can tell is facetious. “Yeeeeah, about that…”

Blaine looks like a kicked puppy already, and Finn hasn’t even finished explaining. Kurt has to stop himself from letting out an audible “Aw,” at Blaine’s expression.

“I forgot that Rachel’s dads invited me to a wine tasting over in Westerville, some sort of fancy pants thing that happens once a year.”

“Oh, okay,” Blaine mumbles sadly. Kurt furrows his eyebrows. In no world does Finn Hudson opt for a wine tasting over a Star Wars showing.

“But!” Finn continues, “The tickets are already paid for and everything, so… why don’t you go with Kurt?”

Kurt’s stomach drops at the veil of invisibility being torn from him, and he straightens his posture as Blaine turns to him, amber eyes lighting up.

“Kurt loves Star Wars.”

“That’s a bold faced lie.” Kurt corrects him, face heating up.

“Okay, yeah, but you like cute single guys, so,”

“Finn!” Kurt buries his hands in his face as Finn heads out the door. “You are the worst!”

“You love me,” he says with a cocky grin as he closes the door behind him. 

“Have fun, you two,” he calls out, leaving the two boys alone in the house.

Blaine chuckles and shakes his head, hands deep in his pockets. “What… just happened?”

“I am so, so sorry,” Kurt apologizes. “That was my idiot brother’s attempt at playing matchmaker. You’d think the family business was matchmaking instead of a tire shop.”

“It doesn’t sound like the worst business model,” Blaine banters.

“The only business I’m in is losing your interest, surely.” 

“Oh, is that so?” 

“Yeah, and I turn a profit every time I stick my foot in my mouth.” 

“Kurt…” Blaine smiles, taking a step forward to grab Kurt’s hand in his. Kurt sucks in a breath at the electricity passing through them. “You’re a terrible businessman.”

Face flushed red, he says, “Well… I suppose this is one of the only instances that’s a compliment.”

“You’re honestly the best thing about Glee club. I mean, its fun, but I like… you.”

For as long as he remembered, Kurt’s fantasized about being somebody people actually wanted. He’s been alone for so long that he wasn’t sure he’d even know how to react when or if it ever actually happened. 

Kurt may not like Star Wars, but he likes Blaine. A lot. 

So,he grabs his coat and his keys. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

Finn brings him back a bottle of strawberry wine from Westerville (even though Kurt doesn’t even like drinking) as an quasi-apology. When he finally tastes it a few weeks later, lying in bed with Blaine draped over him, though, it's the sweetest thing.

[asimplearchivist]

I thought I’d share my Tav for posterity since I’ve been posting here and there about the vampire☺️:

(I love her big ‘ol smirk oh my lawd)

Her name is Étaín (after the Irish goddess) and I created her to be sun-coded since Astarion is, imo, moon-coded (even if his namesake has to do with the stars—I’ll level and agree to their dynamic being day/night-coded if pressed).

She’s an outlander paladin with the oath of devotion specializing with weapon/shield combat and archery—very strong and perceptive, but a bit naïve when it comes to the fathoms of people’s true natures, so while she has applicable knowledge in topics such as survival tactics and arcane matters, she doesn’t necessarily have street smarts. This (combined with her matching 9 stats of Wisdom and Knowledge) result in her being a bit oblivious at times.

This is why she has an interesting dynamic with Astarion.

She detects his sneak attack when they first meet, but given the circumstances she doesn’t find it terribly appalling that he would be wary of strangers and inclined to defend himself. He’s obviously skilled, so she invites him along.

The first time he attempts to flirt with her (which I forgot to record🥲), she doesn’t entirely catch his intentions and fumbles the interaction a bit (and I’m totally blaming that on her being a bit of a himbo and not on the fact that I was panicking and didn’t know what options to choose, but I feel that the more innocent vibe suits her better)—however, she does notice that his compliments sound rehearsed and he doesn’t really mean a word he’s saying. She gently dissuades the interaction both out of ignorance in the matters of seduction (because she’s never had the opportunity nor necessity of employing such tactics having lived out in the wilderness mostly on her own previously) and out of avoiding his duplicitous behavior. Up until that point they had been on neutral, if friendly, terms—she doesn’t quite understand why all of a sudden he’s turning the flirting onto her rather than on the others. In her gut she suspects that it’s not sincere and ignores it out of pragmatism—she’s trying to keep everyone alive (both from the oodles of adversaries they’re facing and each other) so she doesn’t have enough bandwidth to handle the (furiously hot) silver fox elf’s coquettish attention at the moment.

When she finds out that he’s a vampire, she’s not really surprised. He acted a little too dismissive and avoidant when they found the drained boar, and rousing to find him looming over her with those peculiarly pronounced canines bared was more of a shock of surprise than of fear. She’s not angry, necessarily, just didn’t expect to wake up to that sight, and once he admits his secret she relaxes. She’s hesitant, of course, considers the rest of the party’s safety, but she herself doesn’t have a problem with it once she determines he’s still trustworthy. (And she does trust him. She has since she saw him in combat. He’s capricious and insolent and facetious but damnit if he can’t aim an arrow across a battlefield. He’s an ass, sure, but he isn’t cruel. She can tell that from a mile away, even if he plays off to enjoy violence.) So of course she offers to let him feed—he’s already saved her life several times. If all he needs is to be topped off, per se, to keep him going, then what’s the harm?

She…doesn’t expect to like his proximity. It’s been years since she’s been so close to another person out of combat or providing medical aid. Despite the earlier fright, she’s intrigued by him, if nothing else—where she scarcely notices her garments caked in mud and ichor, he keeps himself impeccably clean. He’s fastidious about his appearance and full of himself to a fault (although completely justified, she must admit), and…he smells nice. Really nice. From what poor, unfortunate soul had he confiscated cologne and/or soap on their travels? Through the pain and the effort to keep her hands clenched into the material of her bedroll, clenching her teeth and eyes in kind, she focuses on the notes of amber and cloves clinging to his neck, mere inches from her face. And when she starts to feel woozy, she convinces him to pull away—and the startled, borderline desperate noise he makes as he pulls away causes her heart to pound like thunder under her breast. His dazed grin warms her ears. And his stiff little saunter as he leaves camp to hunt for a full meal proper…it takes longer than it should have for her to calm down enough to go back to sleep, once she’s cast a healing spell upon herself.

[the12thnightproject]

WIP Wednesday

It's going to be a few months until I start uploading chapters (it's about... maybe 30% done?), but here's a snippet of the next longfic in the Tempest in Time series (first draft, final version will likely be edited a bit. A lot.)

“Dear me.” It takes talent to make the condescending words of a British butler sound like the sarcasm of an exhausted parent. “Am I to understand that you were selling yourself in the slave market on purpose? That does put a different face on it.” Mitsuhide nodded his head to indicate the red and black paneled corridor behind me. “My bedroom is the last door on the left. You may disrobe first, although I would prefer that you wait for me to undress you.”

Since my hands were still tied together from the slave ship, I figured he was being facetious. Although, who knows. Maybe he thought that I had some contortionist skills.

“I wasn’t exactly selling myself. I have a partner who was going to purchase me, thus giving me the opportunity to view the auctions from the inside, as well as create a back story for when he paraded me around the Nanban merchants.” Figuring that Mitsuhide had no immediate plans to untie me, I wiggled around until I managed to extract the dagger I kept strapped to my ankle. The auctioneer hadn’t even bothered to search “Kaya,” – apparently, they lacked the imagination to realize that even a kidnapped housemaid would have been armed. I tried to flip the dagger around to cut the rope around my wrists, but the angle was all wrong. After I poked myself three too many times, I stuck it between my knees and began sawing away at the bindings.

“For what purpose? You cannot tell me that Akihira would permit his daughter to masquerade as a courtesan.” With benign interest, Mitsuhide watched me reposition the knife after it slipped to a useless angle. “What happened to your partner?”

“I … don’t know.” Had Francisco joined the ranks of the disappeared? Would the Nanban imprison one of their own? As to the first question… was I safe telling him that Aki was missing? The two of them were, well, if not exactly friends, they were at least friendly. Or had been before I ruined that earlier this summer. Still…

Taking a chance, I added, “Aki is missing. Like your friends Toyotomi Hideyoshi and his fiancée. Frack.” The knife had slipped again. I bent to retrieve it, but not before noticing that his posture had stiffened when I mentioned his friends. Nothing major, and he recovered immediately. But, I saw.

“You might have better luck if you held it in your teeth,” Mitsuhide said. I guess his advice, such as it was, was all the help I could expect here. “Do you have a spy in Azuchi Castle?”

If I put the knife in my mouth, I wouldn’t be able to answer his question – which… I’m sure he had considered. I again repositioned it between my knees. “Actually, we don’t. You might have to repeat whatever lecture you normally give the castle servants and vassals about not gossiping when they wander around town.”

The dagger clunked to the floor and bounced out of reach. I refused to crawl to retrieve it – it would totally undermine the attitude of casual indifference I was attempting to project. Mitsuhide might intimidate me, but there was no way I was going to let him know that. “It’s possible they didn’t notice me. I’m very good at being invisible in plain sight.”

“An enviable skill.” He got up and poured himself a cup of sake. He didn’t offer to share but that was ok because I wouldn’t have taken it anyway. While he was moving about, I used my foot to pull the dagger back, and then, as he had suggested, held it in my teeth to try to saw through the rope.

It wasn’t any easier than holding it with my knees.

With an expression of near boredom, Mitsuhide pulled out his sword. “Hold out your hands.”

I did so, presenting the rope as the best target I could. He cleanly sliced through the bindings.

Ahhhh. So much better. I massaged my wrists and wiggled my fingers. I guess I did owe him some gratitude, even if he had ruined my investigation. “Thank you.”

He inclined his head but said nothing.

“I will pay you back, of course.” It might mean breaking into Francisco’s desk, but the money was mine anyway, so I wouldn’t technically be stealing it.

“Of course.” He rubbed his chin. “Do not attempt to sell yourself into slavery again. I might not be around to rescue you next time.”

His definition of rescue differed quite a bit from mine – but I wasn’t really in position to argue. “My back-up plan involves keeping an eye on a certain warehouse.” And perhaps scamming my way – as Katsu - into a job with this mysterious Shojumaru. “I doubt I will need rescue from that.”

I pretended not to notice the look of exaggerated disbelief on his face. When he wanted to, Mitsuhide could be as expressive as Aki. “You’ve been a source of chaos since we met.”

“You’re the one who just messed up my plan.” I was still on the fence as to whether I had needed rescue. “However, if I discover anything about Lord Hideyoshi or Lady Mai, I am willing to share information.”

If Mitsuhide had planned to make reciprocal offer, I will never know, for our ‘negotiations’ were interrupted by the sound of angry shouts coming from the ground floor of the building. Mitsuhide picked up his sword and turned toward the corridor.

“Lord Mitsuhide – stop. That’s my partner. Francisco.” I rushed into the corridor and called down to the lower level. “Francisco, up here. Don’t worry. I’m safe.” Then, because Francisco’s apt to forget his Japanese even in the calmest situation, I repeated myself in Portuguese.

Moments later, Francisco rushed into the room. His face was red and there were sweat stains visible on the shirt he wore under his jerkin. “Katsu. You are here. When I learned someone bought you, I thought, Akihira will murder me.” He paused and drew in a long panting breath. And then another. “I got lost and went to the wrong ship.”

Of course he did.

Note to self. Next time find a partner who can find their way from one end of the city to the other.

He was still speaking in Portuguese, so clearly his language skills (such as they were) had deserted him completely. I hurried to reassure him. “An acquaintance of Aki’s recognized me and purchased me. If you can repay him… and maybe give him a bit extra for his trouble, then we can be on our way.”

Francisco turned to Mitsuhide and executed a clumsy bow. In halting Japanese, he thanked Mitsuhide then held out his coin purse.

Mitsuhide ignored the money and looked back at me. “You are fluent in Portuguese?”

No, Francisco and I were just talking in Pig Latin. “Yes. Speaking anyway. Reading… I’m still working on that.” The Latinate alphabet script wasn’t that difficult, but it added another layer to translations.

“That being the case, our previous agreement is nullified.” He signaled for Francisco to put away the money. “I believe I will keep you after all.”

Keep me? How…? What? I didn’t bother to hide my confusion, so it was no surprise that he easily read my expression. “I purchased you and have no intention of selling you back.”

[danthropologie]

I feel like we as a collective run on delusion at this point. But like seriously I’m fine with Daniel being a grid girl next year and warming Checo’s seat as long as he goes away. Like can Checo just have a surprise retirement to go fix his marriage or whatever..?😭😭

or imagine this totally sane and not at all facetious scenario: lewis retires, charles to merc, checo to ferrari, daniel in at red bull

[talenlee]

Fundie Dating

Fundie Dating

I feel like this probably could afford to be a dread month theme, but hey, it’s smooch month so let’s go with it for now.

Content Warning: Religious dating in a church environment. Some mentions of domestic abuse.

How’d you learn to date?

I’m not trying to be facetious here; I know that I had this really weird, unnatural vision of the whole experience because I never really did it, not at least, the way that I understand it’s done. What I know about it is mostly filtered through sitcoms and cartoons aimed at my age bracket of the time, and included things like having money to go out to dinner together and there were rules about having a nice jacket and you had to pay for things, and you needed transport and it was all tied to things that I just never had. I never had a car so I never took anyone anywhere. I never really had steady income as a kid so I never took anyone anywhere ‘nice.’

I knew how I was supposed to date, though. I knew that the right way to do things was to approach the pastor and tell him I had an interest in one of the girls in the church and to ask him what he thought and for his godly guidance. If he was okay with it I should go check with the girl’s dad (who the pastor might talk to first), and then if that was okay, I should go talk to the girl about it (whose dad probably told her). In this exchange, note, that I should not talk to her directly, certainly not to start with. Certainly not to build an engagement; there were two layers of gatekeeping to get through first, and an added component there was that they might talk to my father about it before anything went on in that direction.

I had no idea what girls were meant to do if they were interested in a boy, but I kinda think they had to throw out hints or just tell the boy to go check with the pastor.

I know it went in waves and I know it had some measure of planning to it. When new kids were born into any church, there was always some talk from pastors about what other kids were born, around the same time, and even with their genders being key factors for consideration. I even heard a pastor boast about it when talking about couples my age that got matched up – you know, he thought about that when they were kids and then they grew up and he recommended they date when they came to him and then hey, now they were probably going to get married. And that’s a totally normal thing in that community and it wasn’t really until I was a grown adult that I thought back on that and thought how weird that was.

This wasn’t even in the fundie church, mind you; this was later, in an Anglican church, where a minister was giving me advice for coping with my loneliness and sadness and rage, mostly from the fundie church, where he explained what a good job he did shepherding and counselling his flock, but which also had the inescapable feeling of how weird it was to hear this dude boasting about how he’d managed to call-shot two babies hooking up in fifteen years’ time.

In the fundie church, I was not in a cohort that started dating yet; I was fourteen years old when we left and neither I nor the other three members of my age range had started to reach out. Given that was our options, with two boys and two girls, that wasn’t exactly enticing prospects.

When I escaped into the real world and started trying to build relationships like these, I was both incredibly inept at them and confused by what to do. TV shows relied on you having this big blob of things to work with; you dated girls from your school, but what did that mean? I know I spent a lot of time literally just hanging around a girl I was interested in and that was it, eventually resolving to leave her alone when it became clear that it wasn’t a thing that interested her. Which you know, that’s not bad but maybe I shouldn’t have needed such a long slab of time to piece that one together when I was just told ‘no.’

The thing is, after that point, there were basically two internet girlfriends, one of whom turned out to live near me and went to the same anime club as me and suddenly I had an actual relationship and that one’s been going strong for twenty years. At no point though, do I think that either Fox and I thought of it as ‘dating’ though – we didn’t dedicate times to go to special places, I’d just go to her place and hang out (because her parents were less weird than mine).

I think about this when I think about all those relationships from my childhood, in the churches, that all, literally every one, ended unhappily. I do not know a single relationship in my age range in my cohort from my church days that lasted, and overwhelmingly commonly, it’s because women in those relationships were ignored and their interests or preferences were discarded in the name of being good partners… until something broke.

I think that dating, certainly play dating and social dating in that time tends to be a useful experience so you can get an idea of what it’s even like, being in a relationship. Not even necessarily ‘where’s it going’ or ‘what if you break up’ like those are fake questions – just that I feel that one of the things I and my cohort needed to make sure I didn’t make more mistakes was a chance to date, and learn how to date, was an opportunity to, well play at it.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Diary #FundieStuff

[adarkrainbow]

Fairytale talk: A brief history of fairytales

Fairytales have a very old and rich history, some being as old as humanity itself (well, I'm exaggerating, but since they are oral stories inspired by myths and legends they are fairly old).

However, we can pinpoint a precise point at which a "fairy tale" or "fairytale" became a true literary genre.

Italy, 16th century. The birth of the genre of fairytales.

With one work: Le Piacevoli Notti. The Facetious Nights, by Giovanni Francesco Straparolla.  The grandfather of all fairytales. Published between 1550 and 1553, this book is a collection of what would later be known as "fairytales" inspired by the extremely famous Italian novel the "Decameron".

The Decameron, by Boccace, is a collection of short stories framed by one overall narrative: a group of ten young people leave a plague-infested Florence to rest in the beautiful countryside. During their stay, they invent a game. Each day, someone will decide a theme and the others will have to tell a tale based on the choice. As a result, for ten days, the ten young men and women each tell a tale. 10 X 10 = a hundred tales in total. The Decameron is not a fairytale book: the stories in it are mostly centered around women, love and sex, ranging from epic, beautiful, poetic romances, to funny, grotesque, lustful stories, all in a realistic and not at all magical context. But this book (dating from 1349/1353) became a classic of Italian medieval literature, and had a HUGE cultural impact on the following literary works, such as The Facetious Nights.

The Facetious Nights work in a similar way to the Decameron: a group of young, wealthy people reunite in a palace near Venice. Each night, names are chosen among their company and they have to tell stories. Each "night" opens with a madrigal and ends with an enigma, the stories told in between. Here, the stories clearly take a more magical, folkloric and "fairy" identity. While there are 74 stories or "fables" in total in the book, not all are actually fairytales - there is also a lot of  erotic/grotesque stories. In fact, some people tend to reduce the list of "fairytales" in the book to 22 tales.

Another major fairytale work of Italy is the Pentamerone, that some known better under the title of "Tale of Tales".

Published between 1634 and 1636 by Giambattista Basile, inspired by both the Decamerone and the Facetious Nights, the Pentamerone is a collection of 49 fairytales. Just like in the previous works, these tales are linked together by an over-arching narrative, except here the "tale of tales" in question is one of the fairytales too. And once again, the fairytales are divided into five "days" - each split into ten parts (the narrative tale being the 50th fairytale).

While Italy was the beginning of fairytales, the landmark, the grandfather, the genre only popularized itself thanks to FRANCE! Glorious France!

France is the next step of the history of fairytales. In the 17th century, fairytales became THE literary fashion in France. No need to tell you that, at the time, literary circles and literary clubs were a hobby and passion of the wealthy, noble and powerful, far away from the peasants. As a result, the French fairytales became the toys of dukes, countesses and princes. It was at the time the "preciosity" movement, a literary and cultural moment which demanded delicate, refined, intellectual, beautiful, poetic things. And so were the fairytales: fairytales were beautiful, refined, intellectual stories supposed to entertain nobles and royalty. This is why some fairytales were told in verse, like a poem, and why many had a "moral" at the end, to imitate the genre of fables. There were numerous female authors who tried themselves at the making of fairytales, like L'Héritier de Villandon or Madame d'Aulnoy. But THE most remembered and famous French fairytale author was a man. Charles Perrault, and his "Contes de ma Mère l'Oye" (Tales of Mother Goose). This collection of eight fairytales was a tremendous literary success which deeply marked French culture - today, Charles Perrault is better remembered in France than the Brothers Grimm.

The popularity of fairytales lasted in France to the 18th century. Three main events can be noted in this century: the French "translation" and publication of the Arabian Nights, or One Hundred and One Nights, which made Europe discover the genre of the "Arabian fairytale" ; the publication of "Beauty and the Beast" (first by Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve, then by Marie Le prince de Beaumont) ; and finally the publication of "Le Cabinet des Fées", a collection of fairytales spread over 41 volumes, and which collects as much the French fairytales written in the previous centuries, and "Arabian fairytales", exotic tales from Arabia, Turkey, India, China...

While France popularized the genre of fairytales, it would be Germany tht would immortalize it, thanks to the Brothers Grimm.

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm decided to collect in one book all of the legends, folkloric tales and fairytales of Germany. This resulted in the "Kinder und Haüsmarchen", Children's and Household Tales. First published in 1812, their book was criticized for not being "kid-friendly" enough and thus they published a revised, "censored" version in 1815 - this is the one most people know of. Several other editions were made, up to 1850, and with each edition they added new tales : where the first edition had 86 tales, the final edition of the Grimm book had 200 fairytales (without counting the appendix). They also were the ones who popularized the German word "Märchen" for fairytales (in French we call them "contes de fée" ou "contes merveilleux". In Italian... I do not know)

The 19th century was also the century of the British Isles in term of farytales. Two names can be remembered.

The first is Andrew Lang, a Scottish poet, writer and critic, who spent a huge part of his career collecting fairytales. After translating Perrault's fairytales, he decided to start his collection called "The Fairy Books". In 1889 was published The Blue Fairy book, a first collection of fairytales, followed by The Red Fairybook in 1890, and so forth. In totel there were twelve Fairybooks, each of a different color, the series ending in 1910 with The Lilac Fairy Book.

The second name is Joseph Jacobs, an English historian who actually published between 1890 and 1910 a series of books collecting fairytales, nursery rhymes, ballads and other little magical stories, inspired by the work of the Brothers Grimm. His six books had their own big impact on fairytales (for example he was the one who popularized the Three Little Pigs fairytale): English Fairy Tales ; More English Fairy Tales ; Celtic Fairy Tales ; More Celtic Fairytales ; Indian Fairytales ; and European Folk and Fairy Tales.

The 19th century also had other folklorists, inspired by the Brothers Grimm, collecting fairytales in their own countries, though they are not well known in the Western World, such as Alexander Afanasyev who is considered the Russian equivalent of the Brothers Grimm, Petre Ispirescu, who collected Romanian fairytales, or even Yei Theodora Ozaki who collected Japanese fairytales in his "Japanese Fairy Book" (though this one is not in the 19th century, since the book was published in the 1900s).

And precisely, the 20st century was the start of a new trend: the creation of fairytales.

Famous authors decided to write their own fairytales, "artifical" fairytales that nonetheless became as iconic and well-known ass the regular fairytales. Agai, here I can mention two names. Hans Christian Andersen, the Danish author behind tales such as "The Little Mermaid", "The Snow Queen", "Thumbelina" ; and George MacDonald, the Scottish creator of tales like "The Light Princess", "The Lost Princess" or "The Wise Woman".

[lizzygrantarchives]

VH1, January 12, 2012

Lana Del Rey is almost nothing like you’d expect her to be. Let us explain.

In just under six months, Del Rey has gone from being a virtual unknown to landing a highly coveted gig as the musical guest on this weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live, an opportunity that some artists work their entire careers for and never achieve. The booking of this artist, best known for her uniquely sexy voice and a cinematic style of music she describes as “Summertime sadness,” totally makes sense, though. While it’s true that she hasn’t even released her album yet —Born To Die streets on January 31— Lana has already experienced a career’s worth of buzz (and, subsequently, backlash) in indie blogosphere circles, mostly stemming from questions regarding her quote-unquote “authenticity.” This, in combination with the mysterious persona she projects in her videos and her somewhat defiant performance at the Bowery Ballroom back in December, led us to believe that she might come off as being cryptic and guarded during her interview here at VH1 HQ in New York City yesterday. The Lana Del Rey we met, though, was anything but: During the 45 minutes or so we spent with her, she was happy, effusive, relatable and totally forthcoming about the rocket ride that she’s been on for the last half of the year.

“You wanna hear a little story?” We’ve been talking to Del Rey for a few minutes about her self-made, self-edited, collage-style music videos for “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans”, the treatments of which propelled the indie chanteuse from obscurity into the spotlight, but that were also initially met with puzzlement by clueless suits at record labels (“For a long time, nobody thought that anything fit together. I brought things into different labels and to different people and they all thought it was really f***ing weird. They thought that the videos didn’t have a strong narrative and that they were creepy.”). We raise the issue of Paz De La Huerta, an actress who, depending on your vantage point in life, is either a hot mess or your spirit animal. Footage of a clearly overserved Paz made its way into Del Rey’s cut of “Video Games,” an intriguing creative decision that lends a zeitgeist-y and almost Lynchian-circa-Mulholland Drive feel to the video, underscoring the overlap in the Venn diagram of Hollywood where glamour, darkness and tragedy meet. So, we posed, did Lana ever hear from Paz herself?

“I was singing in Paris a couple months ago for Thanksgiving,” Lana regales with a slightly mischievous glint in her eye. “There’s this girl in the audience and she’s gorgeous. I can kind of only see her silhouette, she’s getting, like, her t*ts out. I’m like, ‘God, that’s unusual.’ So I go offstage [after singing 'Video Games'], I go upstairs, and my manager’s like, ‘You’ll never believe it, but Paz De La Huerta was getting her t*ts out to the song!’ I was like, ‘My vision is complete. My life is f***ing made.’ And so I’ve been at peace ever since that moment.”

Regarding her statement about being “at peace,” sure, she was being slightly facetious in her response, but during the course of our time with her yesterday, we didn’t see any behavior to belie her off-the-cuff statement. She strolled into our offices here in Times Square looking as gorgeous as you’d expect, but definitely not glammed up to the nines by a squadron of stylists or anything. She was dressed casually in a pair of jeans, brown flats and a black leather jacket, and not looking even the slightest bit nervous about her big moment on SNL this weekend OR the least bit bummed that she was inexplicably snubbed by the organizers of the Coachella festival when the lineups for the 2012 shows were announced earlier this week.

“I’m probably not the best candidate for f***ing Coachella, you know?”, she self-deprecatingly confessed. “I stand there and sing. I’m not that exciting.” A smile slowly creeps across her face as she admits that, “That’s probably why they weren’t like dying to have me on stage,” and then she breaks out in laughter. As we told her in the moment (and as you’ll see in the video above), Coachella, it’s your loss.

Speaking of her live performances, it’s clear that one of the things she’s concentrating on is working on getting more comfortable on stage. Most artists get to hone their craft over months and years of playing in front of small audiences, but not the artist known as Lana Del Rey. It’s not exactly a secret that before she adopted the moniker Lana Del Rey, she performed for audiences in and around New York City as Lizzy Grant —you can even find her since-shelved “debut” album, produced by David Kahne, on file-sharing services if you’re halfway decent at typing words into Google— but ever since her first official concert as Lana Del Rey back in September, the eyes of the knives-out indie blogosphere have been on her. Amrit Singh of the popular indie rock blog Stereogum noted that her show at Williamsburg’s Glasslands was performed in front of “a crowd of folded arms,” and took a snarky shot across her bow when he flatly described said show thusly: “She chewed a lot of gum.”

That slam didn’t dissuade curious concertgoers from snapping up tickets to her December show at the Bowery Ballroom, a concert which sold out in minutes. We were in attendance that night, and can comfortably report that Del Rey possesses the ability to transfix her audience, but even she admits that it wasn’t her finest hour as a performer.

“To be honest, I wish it had gone a little differently at the Bowery,” she explains. “I’ve played a lot of shows in Europe and they were all amazing, to my surprise, ’cause I could hear myself really well. But at The Bowery, as soon as [my band] started playing, I felt the drums and the bass reverberating up into my microphone. So when I started to sing, all I could hear was bass and drums. So that really freaked me out, because I couldn’t hear myself.”

However, rather than crawl in a hole and pity herself, Del Rey persevered and ventured back to Europe to work on her stage game. She performed on a number of major European television programs (“The only thing you ever think about on live TV is ‘Don’t f*** up’”), played a number of well-received gigs across the pond, and became a darling of the rabid UK music press (she’s currently on the cover of Q Magazine). Her single “Video Games” climbed into the UK Top 10 Singles chart, and now she’s prepared to launch her album here Stateside with a flurry of television appearances. She told us that she’d also be heading out on the road later this year, where she’s planning a couple of festival appearances, followed by a small US club tour in the fall.

However, at this point, the question on everyone’s lips is whether or not America will warm to Lana Del Rey’s slightly left-of-center musical sensibilities. Her record label, Interscope, is certainly making a big bet on her, booking her on Saturday Night Live and shelling out for a big budget video for her current single, “Born To Die” (which, btw, has been streamed over 10 million times on YouTube). The song, like “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans”, has that a very cinematic, widescreen kind of sound, featuring sweeping, lush instrumentals paired with huge, hip hop beats courtesy of producer Emile Haynie. However, even Del Rey herself admits that “It’s not like a hit song or anything. It’s not like an uptempo or traditional pop song, but it’s my favorite [on the album].” In other words, she’s not overly concerned with chasing chart glory at the expense of her artistic vision.

It’s exactly this kind of self-awareness that bodes well for Lana Del Rey, both as a person and as an artist, in the long term. She seems innately comfortable in her own skin, supremely confident in her musical vision, and not the least bit caught up in the tornado of hype that’s been swirling around her for months. “I’m not a star, I’m not famous,” she professed early on during her conversation with us yesterday, one that ended with a vigorous discussion of her love for reality TV (Mob Wives and the Real Housewives Of New Jersey are favorites) and why she wouldn’t even dream of ceding control of her social media presence (“Obviously I run my own Facebook and Twitter accounts, that’d be f***ing weird if I didn’t!”). While she may not be a “star” yet, one thing is certain: By the time Daniel Radcliffe says his goodbyes from NBC’s Studio 8H this Saturday night, hundreds of thousands of curious SNL viewers will certainly be heading to Google to find out more about her.

Originally published on vh1.com with the headline Artist On The Verge Lana Del Rey Talks SNL, Coachella And Paz De La Huerta’s T*ts.

[rihon-scribe-some-writer-guy]

The Hustle of Swagbucks

There’s an article going around in regards to how individuals can earn money on the side for relatively easy work. One of the side hustle that it mentions is Swagbucks. Swagbucks is a site that acts as a survey platform for entities who want to reach a large demographic. The way that I imagine how the business of Swagbucks works is that the site charges the surveyor a fee to either set a subscription to post surveys or a fee for each survey posted. Using those profits, they then entice users to answer the survey with the promise of Swagbucks- a point system used for either a deposit of money into a PayPal account or digital gift card codes.

While I’m well off with my finances, I’m legitimately bored out of my mind most days at my super slow job. This insatiable boredom has led me to seek out outlets that I otherwise wouldn’t have pursued. And so, I joined Tumblr. And also Swagbucks.

Let me get straight to the point: I can’t recommend Swagbucks as a good side hustle in pure honesty. The main reason is that I feel that the site doesn’t reward survey takers well for the time that they spend answering multiple surveys.

Testimonial: Before arriving into my office on Monday morning, I set up a Swagbucks account. In the registration process I ended up receiving 300 Swagbucks just for setting up the account. After getting to the office, I come to find out that that Monday was going to be a slow day: Grading was completed, all students who were graduating no longer needed consulting, the only things that were needed from me was to give a report on university awareness event, meet with a no show, and conduct a review with the Dean who wants to give me a promotion. That 8-hour work shift was less than two hours of me doing simple work and more than six hours of answering surveys on Swagbucks. Throughout that first day I accumulated just shy of 1000 more Swagbucks, leaving me with a total of 1250 Swagbucks.

Gosh Golly, Professor Scribe! That’s so many Swagbucks!

Calm down there, Beaver McCleaver. The thing with Swagbucks is that they are worth pennies. I’m not being facetious. Redeeming 1250 Swagbucks mean that I would have to settle for $12.50 or less. With eight hours put into taking monotonous surveys, I’m earning about 1.55/hour.

Swagbucks’ set up feel rather disingenuous. At an initial glance at the menu of surveys, it seems like there’s ways to maximize your profit with the side gig. I saw a survey that would award 250sb on completion and the time reported to complete was at 9 minutes. No joke: I chose to take that survey, spend a minute answering questions only to be sent back to the Home Screen with a message box saying, “Oh, that survey wasn’t for you. Here’s a Swagbuck for your time.” Therefore, a potential 27 cents per minute dropped down to a penny for a minute. This leads to users devoting extreme amounts of time and effort to meet that reported “earn $140 dollars simply for taking surveys”. It could be possible, but I’m not willing to spend full time hours to earn pennies.

Swagbucks doesn’t earn my recommendation for a side hustle. Even if you’re beyond bored, I feel that your time would be better spent on other endeavors.