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queen-haq · 3 years

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Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3300 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Part 17

Billy couldn’t stop gawking at you, wondering how it was possible you grew more beautiful each time he saw you. The red wrap dress you were wearing accentuated all your curves, and it took every bit of willpower he had not to rip it off of you and fuck you senseless right then and there. Unfortunately, he had to behave himself. Caravan was a pretty bouji place that had recently been labelled as one of the hottest restaurants in Manhattan and he had to pull a few strings to get a last-minute reservation for tonight. But seeing the smile on your face when you realized this was where you were dining had been completely worth all the hassle.

As the hostess guided the two of you to your table, he noticed a few assholes at the bar admiring you from afar. Immediately he snaked his arm around your waist to draw you in closer. You were his. If he could he’d pluck out every one of those fuckers’ eyes so they never made the mistake of looking at you again. Better yet, he’d keep you locked behind closed doors. Of course you wouldn’t agree to anything like that because you were too goddamn independent for your own good.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, taking a seat at your designated table.

Billy’s attention returned to your face as he followed suit, his gaze inhaling you in. “You look too hot. Too many assholes staring at you,” he grumbled.

The worried look on your face was replaced with a beaming smile, one that made his cock twitch.

“You’re being ridiculous” you remarked, scanning the menu.

His eyes drifted down to your chest, the swell of your soft, supple breasts just begging to be kissed and licked by him.

“Stop staring at my boobs, Billy,” you chastised even as a small smile graced your lips. “This is a proper first date. You can’t just ogle me like that. You have to behave like a gentleman.”

He quirked his eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I’ve never been that.”

“Well, try,” you ordered.

The waitress came by with the bottle of red wine you’d requested and poured some in both of your glasses. He noticed the redhead giving him a friendly smile, her green eyes lingering on him for a second too long. Fine, yeah, she may have been hot but she wasn’t you. No one was. So while he would have happily slipped her his number in the past, now the idea of being with someone who wasn’t you no longer excited him.

Once she left, he took the opportunity to move a few inches closer to you. What he really wanted was to get on his knees and bury his head between your legs, but something told him eating you out in in the crowded restaurant wouldn’t go over very well with you.

“I think she likes you.”

Hand propped on the back of your chair, he started playing with your hair. “Who?”

“Our waitress. She didn’t look at me once, her eyes were on you the entire time.”

He leaned in, ecstatic at the thought of you acting possessive. Even though you’d confessed to having feelings for him, Billy still worried you were ready to bolt at any moment. To see you jealous meant you genuinely cared and he didn’t have to worry about you leaving him. “She’s not my type. I have my eyes on someone else.”

You made a show of looking around the restaurant. “Oh, is Madani here too?”

“Funny,” he retorted, taking your hand in his.

“Your ginger’s lucky. I’m dressed way too nice or I’d take my knife and stab her with it.”

He smirked. “You’re vicious when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t like bad service.”

“Bullshit.”

“Billy, you’re hot. You know that. All the women here are checking you out. If I freaked out every time someone did that, I’d have a breakdown.”

He wanted to destroy the fucking world at the thought of someone even looking at you but apparently you were simply ambivalent about him. “So it’s that easy for you? Your brain tells you to turn off a feeling and your heart just does it?” Even to his own ears he sounded bitter. “Guess you’re not all that invested in me.”

Your eyebrow quirked up, apparently surprised by his edgy tone. “Do you want me to go nuts?”

“Just want you to give a damn.”

“You think I don’t?” you snapped. “Every time she looks at you I want to tear her hair out. Even though the rational part of me knows she’s probably just flirting with you because it’s part of her job or she’s hoping for big tips. Or maybe she really does want to fuck you. Either way, I want to punch her across the face. Happy?” You gulped down your wine.

Grinning, he squeezed your hand. “Then why not just tell me that? Why act like you don’t care?”

The agitated expression on your face was replaced with tenderness, your eyes soft. “Just because I don’t have a jealous fit doesn’t mean I don’t care. I just…” You exhaled a sigh, and he sensed this was difficult for you. “I express my emotions differently than you.”

“I noticed. You put on an act while holding everything in.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But I want you, the real you, not the version everyone else sees.”

“It’s not that easy, Billy.”

He brought your palm to his lips. “I’d never told anyone about my mother.”

“You didn’t tell me either,” you pointed out.

“You found out anyway, and I’m so fucking glad you did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have realized I could be real with you.” He placed a tender kiss on your skin. “I don’t want to hide anything from you, Y/N.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me about William Rawlins.”

Your request gave him pause, his eyes roaming over your face. He’d taken painstaking measures to keep his partnership with Rawlins a secret yet you’d discovered it. “What do you want to know?”

“He gave you a lot of money.”

“I earned that money,” he said in a defensive tone. “He and I were partners for a while. Then he died.”

“You went to a lot of trouble to hide your connection to him.”

“You found out about it though.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m good at what I do.”

“Yeah, too good,” he muttered. He released your hand, watching you intently. “So what do you want to know?”

You leaned in closer, your voice barely above a whisper. He was momentarily distracted by the sensation of your tits pressed against him but he forced himself to concentrate.

“What happened to Rawlins, did you have anything to do with it?”

Billy took a swig of his wine. “Why do you think that?”

You quirked your eyebrow at him. “Knifed by someone in the parking lot. They never found the guy who did it.”

“He had a lot of enemies,” he pointed out.

“Okay, so maybe I was wrong.”

He studied you for several seconds, trying to decide if he should take the leap or not. “You’re not wrong.”

Realization dawned on your face as the truth set in. “Why did you do it?”

“You sure you want to know?”

“I’m asking, aren’t I?”

So he told you, about Operation Cerberus, his role in it and the money he earned, how he’d eliminated Rawlins a year ago when the prick plotted to take out Frank and his family. To this day Frank didn’t know about Billy’s partnership with Rawlins or how close he came to dying and he intended to keep it that way.

Throughout his confession his eyes were glued to your face, gauging your reactions. The part of him determined to do anything to be a success, the one who didn’t let society’s morals get in the way of his ambitions, would never be accepted by his closest friends. Despite the myriad of reasons to have kept that side of himself hidden, he didn’t want to do that with you. Because as risky as it was to be so open with you, it was also exhilarating. There was no one in this world he’d ever been this honest with and that kind of intense connection with you was addictive. He wanted you to know everything about him, all of the dark and vicious thoughts that ran through his head, the burning ambition that kept pushing him forward. He wanted you to know him inside and out and he wanted the same from you.

Before he could prod you to speak your mind the server came by with your dishes, setting your meals on the table. The redhead took her time, all the whilst your gaze was focused on the table, avoiding his. Billy’s heart started to pound in his chest, he was suddenly filled with doubt. Had he made a mistake in telling you the truth? Did he just completely fuck this up? Every second the goddamn redhead lingered at the table felt like an eternity when all he wanted was to shake you out of your stupor.

The second the server left, he moved in on you. “Are you gonna say something?”

You finally looked at him, your forehead burrowed. “We need to do a better job of hiding your history with Rawlins. I found it, that means someone else can too.”

“You gonna help me with that?”

You shook your head ‘yes’. “Yeah, I have to. You need me.”

“What I did doesn’t bother you?”

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “Of course it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it. You’ve seen me at my worst and you didn’t judge me. I won’t do that to you either. Besides, when the universe deals you a shitty hand you’ve got to find other ways to even out your odds.”

A strange feeling of warmth flooded over him, compelling him to angle forward and kiss you on the lips.

You pulled away a second later, smiling at him as you rubbed the corner of his mouth. “This lipstick isn’t kiss-proof.”

“I don’t care.” Wicked visions of you flashed through his mind. Your bold red lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him off the way he liked it. His cum spread over your tits, your neck, your lips. The taste of your sweet, delicious cunt on his tongue as he fucked you with his mouth. The heat of your tongue against his as he rammed into you over and over-

“Stop looking at me like that,” you warned.

“Then stop looking so hot,” he snarked.

You smiled, biting down on your bottom lip.

It blew his mind how sweet and shy you were when he paid you compliments, like you didn’t expect that from him. Obviously he needed to fix that, because you deserved to know how insanely beautiful you were all the time.

“Has Anvil been okay without Rawlins?” you asked, taking a bite out of your butternut squash ravioli.

Swallowing his steak, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It was tough for a while but we’ve been doing pretty well the last few months.”

“You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Billy. You took a big risk going into business for yourself and you made it work. That’s amazing. I could never do that.”

Billy’s insides radiated with happiness. Other than Curtis and Frank he never really had people who genuinely believed in him so to have you cheering him on was exalting. Especially considering you were great at what you did and he had so much respect for you.

He poured himself and you more wine before reaching for your hand again. “I think you could. You’d make a shitload of money if you freelanced.”

You shook your head ‘no’. “No way, I’m too much of a coward to take a risk like that.” You took a sip of your wine. “Plus I get to go to Paris for work.”

“Or you could go to Paris on vacation and not work.”

“Then I’d have to pay for it,” you pointed out, grinning. “When you grow up the way I did, you learn to appreciate free things.”

Your enthusiasm was infectious, he couldn’t hep but smile back. A part of him was hoping this would be the perfect opening for you to talk more about your childhood, about everything you went through, because he desperately wanted you to trust him as much as he trusted you with his secrets.

“I’ll be there for two weeks,” you continued, oblivious to his disappointment. “We’re going to scout out locations for the new branch and-”

“We?” Billy interjected.

You cast him a quick glance. “Roger’s coming with me on the trip.”

The jealousy that struck him felt like a swift kick to his gut. Images of you and that goddamn bastard traipsing around and enjoying romantic date nights in Paris assaulted his mind. Agitated, he pulled his hand from yours. “I bet that fucker can’t wait to be alone with you.”

“Billy, come on. You can’t be serious.”

“How would you feel if I took off with someone who wanted to fuck me?”

“First of all, he doesn’t want me.”

His jaw clenched with frustration as he glared at you. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s thought about fucking you.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want him.” You reached out to cup his face, your voice so soft and tender in your attempts to placate him that he momentarily forgot how upset he was. “You really think I’d jeopardize what we have for a fling with Roger? I wouldn’t do that.”

“Then don’t go. Turn him down.”

Irritation flickered over your face, he could tell you were done coddling him. “Billy, you have no right to ask me that. I’d never interfere with your work.”

Underneath all that jealousy he knew you were right. As much as he despised the idea of you going away to Paris with another guy, he couldn’t demand that you not go on work trips. If you did that to him, it would annoy the fuck out of him. Yet despite his rational side recognizing he was asking for too much, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. “That asshole’s gonna make a move on you, I know it.”

“What if he does? What do you think is gonna happen?”

Hs eyes met yours, urgently seeking some kind of validation from you. “You tell me.”

“Do you think I’m going to sleep with him?”

He flinched. “Don’t talk about fucking another guy, please. You’re gonna make me lose my appetite.”

You took his hand and placed it over your left breast, probably to distract him from all the disgusting images that were running through his brain. “I wanted you so badly and even then it took me like a month to fuck you. Trust me, I’m not going to sleep with him when I’m not even attracted to him.”

Spotting the earnestness in your eyes, the knot in his stomach finally loosened. Roger may have had a hard-on for you but Billy knew you felt nothing for the fucker. He’d noticed that even at the night of the gala. So that meant he had to trust you, there was no reason not to. “Call me every night when you’re there,” he grumbled.

“Every night? You’re probably going to start blocking my calls,” you laughed.

He booped your nose. “Every. Fucking. Night.”

You beamed. “Fine.” A wicked glint flashed in your eyes, a seductive smile on your lips as you slowly moved his hand lower, his fingers now on your nipple. “Hey, just ‘cause you’re not there with me doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

He stroked your nipple over the fabric of your dress, enjoying how the nub hardened under his touch, the way your breath hitched in your throat when he continued his ministrations. With his other hand he tucked your hair behind your ear, whispering to you. “Phone sex is alright, but nothing beats this.” His tongue curved along the shell of your ear, and you trembled against him. “Right?”

The waitress seemed to come out of nowhere this time to ask how your meals were, and you jumped back. Disappointed, he sighed.

“Food was great. Thank you,” you replied, smiling stiffly at the redhead.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Privacy would be great,” Billy muttered.

You kicked him under the table. “Dessert menu?”

“Sure. I’ll bring it right over,” the waitress said, taking your plates away.

“I’ll give you all the sugar you want once we get outta here,” he murmured seductively, caressing your thigh.

You giggled, rolling your eyes. “That’s a terrible line!” You took his hand and removed it from your thigh. “Billy, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s our first date and I don’t put out on the first date.”

“Now that’s a terrible line,” he fired back, mimicking your earlier tone.

“Also, we already had sex this morning.”

“So? I’m greedy. I can’t get enough of you.” There was that shy smile of yours again, and he reached out to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “You blush every time I tease you.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, it’s adorable.”

Your cheeks grew even more red. “I’m not used to it from you. A part of me still thinks you’re bullshitting me.”

Billy stiffened. “Really?”

“I know you’re not playing me,” you reassured. “It’s on me, not you. I just have a hard time accepting when good things happen.”

The waitress came by with the dessert menu. He briefly glanced at it before ordering a slice of pecan pie while you ordered a piece of chocolate cake.

As soon as the redhead left, he broached the topic with you again. “I’m not gonna hurt you, babe. You have to believe that.”

You didn’t look at him, your eyes fixed somewhere on his chest. “I do. You were so pissed off at me last night. I honestly expected you to hit me because you were so angry. But you didn’t.”

It made him sick to his stomach that you actually thought him capable of hitting you. It hadn’t even occurred to him that you would worry about that, but of course you would. With your childhood it made perfect sense, he was just a fucking idiot who hadn’t realized how much it still impacted you. “I’m never gonna lay a hand on you. I swear.” His eyes locked with yours, hoping you can sense how much he meant those words.

“I believe you.”

His voice was insistent, his gaze boring into you. “Why did you think I would?”

Your eyes wavered from his eyes to his lips for a long time, the atmosphere thick with tension. Your facial expressions ran the gamut of painful emotions, from uncertainty to fear to sheer panic.

It finally sank in that maybe the reason you were keeping the truth from him had noting to do with if you trusted him or not. Maybe you didn’t want to be assaulted by memories from the past that caused you so much pain. The last thing he wanted was for you to experience that hell again. Regretting his demanding tone, his hands caressed down the length of your arms. “You don’t have to tell me, It’s okay.”

Your eyes brimmed with aching vulnerability as you looked up at him. “I want to… I just… give me some time, okay?” You pressed your lips against his, giving him the softest, sweetest kiss. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight for so long, I don’t want to ruin it, you know?”

His heart felt full, his mind reeling with wonderment at the thought of you truly reciprocating his feelings. His arms wrapped around you as you sank into him, burying your face in his chest. His fingers stroked the back of your hair, murmuring soft, soothing words to you. Somewhere in the distance he heard the server’s voice trying to interject, but he didn’t give a damn. He was yours and you were his and nothing was going to ruin that. Nothing.

Part 18

A/N - I realize not much happened in this chapter but I just reallly wanted to write a dialogue heavy part where they simply get to know and enjoy each other. I think they’ve earned some fluff. LOL.

As always, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Please let me know your thoughts.

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#billy russo x reader #billy russo #ben barnes #billy russo x you #the punisher #a woman scorned

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snowdice · 2 years

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Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 93]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag proofread stories. I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41

Going to work a bit this afternoon. Getting stuff ready for my summer class.

Chapter 42 (Patton)

“Come on,” Patton urged. “You’re already all dressed up.”

Virgil made a dissatisfied noise like a cat that had just been picked up from its spot on a heated blanket.

“We’ll barely be outside five minutes,” Patton said. “You won’t even notice the cold.”

“Will so,” Virgil argued back.

Virgil’s return to the castle proper had been relieving. Everyone had been content to let him curl up on the floor near the fireplace and sleep for the past couple of weeks, but life did move on, and Patton and Logan had talked. They had agreed that Virgil’s constant anxiety about the weather probably wasn’t good for him. It had played a major part in making him stressed out enough to hit Logan which had caused the entire mess with him disappearing.

They’d brought it up to Virgil gently and, while they’d had to dial it back on requests like actually playing in the snow, the suggestion that they take the short trip from the castle to the horse stables was met with some interest. However, now that the time had come to make the trek, he seemed to be having doubts.

“Honestly,” Logan said. “I don’t think you’ll even feel the cold in that get up.”

They had, indeed covered the boy from head to toe. He currently looked a couple of inches taller and wider than he actually was bundled up with every piece of extra snow gear they could find.

He looked adorable with only his eyes uncovered even if said eyes were glaring at them both. However, Patton was a little worried he’d overheat if they didn’t leave soon.

“I don’t like snow,” Virgil said.

“We know, Virgil,” Logan said. That was the problem. They were hoping that a little minimal exposure would help him calm down just a bit. “The path’s been cleared of snow and ice though and it isn’t that much of a walk. You’ll be fine and then we’ll be able to look at all of the horses.”

Virgil still looked unconvinced.

“Just half an hour, Virgil, please,” Logan said.

“…Fine,” Virgil relented.

“Great,” said Patton, grabbing his coat sleeve and tugging him towards the door. Logan followed behind and Princess Marisol seeing they were going somewhere, got up and padded after them.

They made it all the way to the door nearest the stable. Patton could see when he opened it that the path they were to take was well cleared. Virgil still did not appear enthused. He glared at the outside like it had a knife.

Princess Marisol, for her part, saw Patton open the door, hissed, and abandoned them to strut off towards the kitchen.

“She knows what she’s talking about,” mumbled Virgil.

Patton sighed.

“Come on Virgil, I promise it won’t be that bad.” Patton offered a gloved hand. “You can hold my hand the whole way.”

Virgil was still frowning up a storm that would rival the one that had caused the snow in the first place, but he did take Patton’s hand. Patton used his grip on the hand to pull him forward through the door. It was still very chilly, Patton thought as they walked outside. Patton had chosen a coat that was a bit lighter since they were only walking to the stable and the wind bit him through it. He really hoped Virgil’s outfit was warm enough to keep him from freaking out.

Luckily, it did seem to be keeping him warm enough because, while he was tense, he still let Patton lead him forward.

They made it to the stable faster than usual since all three of them were quickening their pace. Patton gave a sigh of relief when he entered the stable and the warmer air inside of it. The stable wasn’t as warm as the castle, but it was warm enough that most of the stable hands only worked in light coats most of the winter. At least, they did inside the stable.

The head stable hand had already been warned about their visit beforehand and was waiting for the three of them at the door. “Good morning,” she greeted them, and… Virgil was already hiding himself behind Patton’s back.

“Hi!” Patton said cheerfully. He stepped to the side, so Virgil was no longer hidden. Virgil glared, reaching out to grab the edge of Patton’s sleeve and tugging on it in discontent. “This is Loraine, Virgil,” Patton said, nodding at her. When he glanced her way, he became a lot shyer, looking down at her feet instead of at her face. “She takes care of the horses. Say hello.”

“…Hello,” Virgil said quietly.

“Hi,” she said. “I hear you wanted to see the horses.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Well, we have plenty for you to meet and they’re mostly all inside because of the cold. Usually in the summer most want to spend a lot of time in the pasture. Let me show you around.”

Loraine showed them around the stable a bit even though Patton and Logan already knew where everything was. Virgil slowly got a little bit more comfortable, even asking a couple of questions unprompted. Surprisingly, there weren’t many basic questions about horses like Patton had expected. On the contrary, he seemed to know a good amount about horses already.

“Have you worked with horses before?” Loraine asked a bit into the tour after Virgil expressed interest in what they were feeding some of the older horses.

“I used to help take care of horses sometimes when people came to visit the orphanage,” he said. “They’re nice.”

“Do you ride?” Loraine asked.

Virgil shook his head. “I just fed them and cleaned up after them,” he said.

“Well, maybe you can try to learn when it gets a bit warmer,” she offered. “It’s a lot of fun.”

He nodded. “That would be nice,” he said.

After that, she mostly let them wander around looking at different horses in the stalls. She even let them feed some of the gentler ones who didn’t have a specific diet.

It was about 25 minutes into their adventure and while Virgil obviously liked the horses, Patton could already tell his anxiety was rising every time he took his glove off to feed a horse and it hit the chilly air. Patton glanced at Logan.

“Right,” Logan said. “We should probably be heading back inside, but I would like to stop by and see Mr. Apples before leaving. Otherwise, he will be cross with me.”

“Mr. Apples?” Virgil asked.

“He’s one of the horses,” Logan explained, moving to where the different treats were kept for the horses.

“Why do you need to see him in particular?”

Logan paused, his hand hovering briefly over the container of red apples before reaching in to grab one. “He was my Pa’s horse,” he said. “He likes when I visit him.”

“Logan’s the only one he likes visiting him,” Loraine added as she started to lead them towards where Mr. Apples’ stall was.

Patton had learned long ago that Mr. Apples could be a bit crabby. He wasn’t as mean to Patton as he was to some people, but he wasn’t exactly nice either. Patton tended to keep his distance whenever Logan went to visit.

Now, he stood on the other side of the hall from where Mr. Apples was as Logan stepped forward to greet him.

Logan spoke to him softly for a bit and he nuzzled his face against Logan’s shoulder with a huff. Eventually, he offered a piece of apple which Mr. Apple happily took.

“Can I say hello to him?” Virgil asked.

Logan glanced back at him. “Sure,” he said, “though be careful. He doesn’t like… anyone besides me.”

Virgil nodded and stepped forward cautiously. “Hello,” Virgil said. Mr. Apples turned his head to look at Virgil. There were a couple of seconds of silence and then Mr. Apple’s snorted softly. Virgil took that as permission to stretch out a hand.

“Wait,” Logan said. “He bites actually and…” Mr. Apples pressed his nose to Virgil’s hand softly and Virgil gently stroked it a couple of times.

“Huh,” said Loraine. “You’re officially the third person he’s ever liked, and you could say Prince Logan was cheating since he was grandfathered in as a baby.”

“Really?” Virgil asked. “He seems nice enough.”

Loraine rolled her eyes. Patton noticed she was standing a good distance away from the stall herself. “Oh no,” she said. “Trust me. He’s a bastard to everyone else.”

Virgil just frowned and pet the horse’s nose again. Mr. Apples leaned forward to nibble at his hair a bit.

Logan smiled at him and handed him one of the apple pieces to feed Mr. Apples which Virgil offered to the horse on a flat hand. “Red apples are his favorite,” he told Virgil. “He refuses to eat green.”

Logan and Virgil finished feeding Mr. Apples his treat and then it was time for Virgil to face the cold once again to return to the castle. Patton hoped this positive experience of going outside would make him more open to it in the future.

Chapter 43 (Logan)

Logan woke once again being strangled by an assassin. He sighed and attempted to squirm away. Virgil made an unhappy grumbling noise at the movement and squeezed him tighter. “I am just,” Logan said, shoving at the arm around him, “trying to get into a position where I can breathe.”

Unfortunately, there was no reasoning with an unconscious Virgil. Getting into an upright position was a battle and the boy was laying across his lap by the time he managed it, clutching one of Logan’s arms.

Logan huffed at his sleeping form, reaching over with his free arm to switch on his bedside lamp.

Despite how warm the room was, Logan assumed the temperature outside was extremely cold today. Virgil seemed to have some internal thermostat that seemed to know how cold it was outside even while snug in Logan’s bedroom. The tighter the boy clung in his sleep, the colder Logan knew it must be. Logan looked down at Virgil’s face. He and Patton had wanted to convince Virgil to spend a bit of time outside today, but if it was as cold as Virgil’s behavior indicated, perhaps they should wait for another day.

Logan reached over for the book on his nightstand that he’d learned to keep there for this exact reason. His reading speed had actually increased since Virgil’s arrival at the castle which was impressive. He’d only gotten this book two days before and was worried he’d finish it before Virgil woke this morning.

Luckily, he was incorrect, and Virgil began to stir a bit earlier than he usually did. Logan glanced down from his book when he felt Virgil shift only to find his eyes were open and staring at Logan.

“Good morning,” Logan greeted. Virgil’s fingers squeezed Logan’s arms lightly much like one would expect the cat currently sleeping soundly on Virgil’s pillow to knead its paws into its chosen person.

“Hi,” Virgil said, groggily. “Book?”

“It’s a book about various trade agreements that happened in the last 500 years,” Logan said, knowing what he was asking.

“Interesting?” Virgil asked.

Logan smiled a bit. “You would likely not be particularly interested since you do not already have knowledge of the players nor the politics of trade agreements in general.”

“Oh, okay,” Virgil said with a yawn.

Logan felt fondness warm his chest. “I can read you a different book if you would like,” he offered.

Virgil eyed the book in Logan’s hand. “You’re almost done with that one,” he pointed out. “You can finish it first.”

“You just want an excuse to continue to lay in bed,” Logan accused fondly.

Virgil did not even bother arguing, shifting a bit so he was laying with his head on his own pillow, but curling into Logan’s side. He was calm this morning which was honestly an odd thing. He was rarely truly calm while awake and even in sleep his face was sometimes pinched in tension. Logan and Patton’s plans for exposure therapy to cold weather seemed to help his resting anxiety level a bit, but it was still much higher than it was for normal people. Right now, though, he seemed fully content.

Logan was glad he could feel this comfortable near him, perhaps even comfortable because Logan was near. It was a striking contrast to how he’d been when he’d come here or even how he’d been when he’d accidently slapped Logan. He felt a surge of… something more than the standard sympathy one might feel for someone when he thought of Virgil’s fear and what had transpired to cause it. It was a bit like anger, but not quite. He could not quite put a name to it, but he did know it made him want to make sure nothing bad ever happened to him again. He would ensure nothing bad ever happened to him again no matter what it took.

Logan read for a little while longer. Virgil was still and calm most of the time, but Logan was pretty sure he didn’t go back to sleep. He shifted to look up at Logan when he set the book on the nightstand.

“Would you like to go to the library with me this morning?” Logan asked. “I need a new book and perhaps we could get you something too for your reading lessons. I was thinking we could go to the main library.” He had never taken Virgil there yet as there did tend to be a few more people than the more secluded library Logan favored. Yet, he’d been getting marginally more comfortable in small crowds, and Logan thought he might like to see it.

“Sure,” Virgil agreed easily. “After breakfast though?”

“Of course,” Logan agreed. “We don’t want Ms. Heart to get on us about your eating schedule again.”

Virgil nodded in agreement and climbed out of bed to get dressed. They had a short meal in the dining hall. Virgil was still adamant that Logan did not eat any of the muffins set out on the table, and with Patton still reportedly in bed, Logan did not have nearly enough social prowess on his side to argue with him this morning. Instead, they only ate things straight from the kitchen. Virgil still got a card with his meal which Logan had to fill out for him at the end. As always, he ranked everything on the plate a ‘5/5.’

The library wasn’t too far from the main dining hall. It was in the opposite direction of the way they would go if they were going back to the royal wing past the ballroom and through the entryway. In the summer, they would have gone through the courtyard. In fact, if it had been just Logan, he would have ran across the open area quickly despite not having a coat, but with Virgil in tow, he chose to walk all the way around. Though honestly, since it was Virgil’s first time entering the library, it would be more impressive entering it from its main entrance than from the side one that castle residents in a hurry would use.

He looked over at Virgil as he pushed open the library doors to see his reaction. Virgil’s eyes widened a bit as he saw the huge room with the many bookshelves.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” Logan asked with a smile.

“You have two stories of books?” Virgil asked, looking at the spiral staircase that led to the second floor, awed. “I didn’t even… There are more books than I’ve ever seen in my life in this one room.

“And these are just the things available to the general public. There are also record rooms only used by certain people and rooms with restricted book access based on skill, like some magic books.”

“That’s a lot…” Virgil said. What was maybe insecurity flashed through his eyes.

“It’s an overwhelming amount of knowledge, but different people can find what they need,” Logan said, pulling him out of the doorway and towards where they keep the children’s books. “Here, let’s go get books you can try to read yourself and then we’ll find some books you would be interested in that I can read to you.” They stopped at a shelf. “These would be perhaps just a bit beyond your current reading level, but they would be a good challenge, I believe. Pick whichever you like.”

Virgil took a moment to stare at the pictures on the books. He squinted at the titles for a bit longer and asked Logan what a few said before choosing some from the shelf. Two of them were about different crops and one was about a family of foxes.

“Are those three enough?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Virgil replied.

“Do you want to explore the library a bit or just get a book for me to read you and leave?” Logan asked, not wanting to overwhelm him.

“I’d like to look around a bit,” Virgil replied.

“Okay.”

Logan had frequented the main library when he’d been younger. Though he often spent his time now in the smaller library that had been tailored to his specific interests, he still came to the main library fairly frequently. He knew many good places to sit with a book. There were nice window seats that looked out into the courtyard and a corner near a small fireplace. Logan showed him the door that led to the courtyard and where the door to the more restricted books were, though they didn’t go into any of them right now.

Virgil seemed to like the library well enough, following Logan around willingly. Logan did have to pull him away from a few places when he looked a bit too intently at some high, but sturdy bookshelves. And the chandelier.

He did look like he was constantly straddling the line between being in awe of and being overwhelmed by the size of the library, so Logan decided to end the tour after a bit and work on picking out a book.

“What type of book would you like to read?” Logan asked.

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Whatever you think is best is fine. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“But I’ve chosen every book I’ve read to you so far,” Logan said with a frown. “We should get something tailored to your interests.”

“I don’t have interests, Logan,” Virgil said with an eyeroll.

“You have some interests,” Logan said.

Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“You like climbing,” Logan said, “and… horses. You and Mr. Deknis seem to get along.”

“Are there books about climbing?” Virgil asked.

“There are books about everything,” Logan claimed.

“Bullshit.”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Careful with that language. Just because Patton isn’t here doesn’t mean you get to be crude.”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I will tattle.”

“Fuck,” said Virgil.

Logan shook his head in exasperation but couldn’t help but smile a bit. There was something about Virgil when he felt comfortable enough to be slightly unruly that made Logan happy. It felt like a glimpse of the actual Virgil beneath his usual caution towards the world.

“How about we ask the librarian if there are any books on climbing,” Logan suggested. “Dr. Macey knows where all of the books would be. I can introduce you to them.”

Virgil didn’t look particularly pleased about meeting a new person, but he also didn’t seem overly distressed by the thought, so Logan tugged him along to the librarian’s small office where Logan had seen them disappear a few minutes ago. He knocked on the door.

It swung open a few seconds later and Dr. Macey’s head poked out. “Good morning, Prince Logan,” they said. They glanced at Virgil, “and, Virgil, I would assume.”

“I’ve mentioned you,” Logan said because he saw Virgil immediately start to freak out about a random person knowing his name. Though, honestly, he was sure Dr. Macey had heard about him from other sources as well. He turned back to the librarian. “I was wondering if you could help Virgil pick out a book. He hasn’t gotten many chances to read in his life and isn’t sure what type of thing he’d like. Also, if it could somehow involve climbing to prove a point, that would be appreciated.”

“Climbing, eh?” Dr. Macey asked, thinking for a couple of seconds. “I think I can probably find something.”

Dr. Macey spent a bit of time looking through the shelves. They made small talk with Virgil, and while Virgil seemed a bit guarded (likely because Dr. Macey was asking questions about him trying to figure out more about what type of book he liked), he seemed fairly calm. Logan was pleased to think he liked the library. Maybe when he was a bit better at reading and he’d adjusted more to the size of the room and the concept that other castle residents could come around, he’d want to spend some time down here.

Eventually, Dr. Macey picked out three options and let Virgil choose which one he wanted. There was a fantasy book, an adventure story, and a mystery story.

“All of these have to do with climbing?” Virgil asked skeptically.

“There’s at least one good long climb in each,” Dr. Macey promised with a smile.

Virgil studied the books for a long moment. Eventually, he pointed to one that had the title, “Into the Mist,” which was the fantasy book.

“Good choice,” Dr. Macey said. Logan was certain they would have said that regardless of which Virgil chose, but Virgil still lit up slightly at the praise. The librarian handed the book to Virgil and set the other two aside to reshelve later.

“Thank you, Dr. Macey,” Logan said.

“If you need anything else, let me know,” they said.

“I think that’s it for today,” Logan said. “Let’s go back upstairs Virgil.”

Virgil nodded, clutching his chosen book as they left the library.

Chapter 44 (Thomas)

Loraine had called Thomas down to the stables to talk about a concern that had cropped up about their grain stores. They’d found mold in one of the grain bins which had, of course, soiled everything stored there. Luckily it ended up being one of the smaller grain bins, but it still provided some concern for getting through the winter. As it was, they would be able to make it through, but a lot less comfortably.

Thomas mostly trusted the three who ran the animal husbandry on the castle’s lands to deal with it, but he still provided his opinion when asked.

The meeting had taken a few hours. When he’d come down, the sun had been shining. It had been still cold, but not as freezing the last few days, though he was under no illusion that winter was anywhere near over. A point which was emphasized when he stepped out of Loraine’s office and glanced out of a window only to see what appeared to be a blizzard happening outside.

Great. He wasn’t exactly enthused about walking back to the castle in that. Wanting to delay it as long as possible, he turned away from the window and walked towards the other end of the stable.

He grabbed an apple along the way, intending to feed it to Mr. Apples while convincing himself to make the jaunt back up to the castle. To his surprise, Mr. Apple’s head didn’t pop into the hall upon hearing someone enter his domain (aka the hall outside of his stall). This was odd as Mr. Apples was a territorial bastard who was always sure to be prepared to confront anyone who came within range or eat an apple if the person invading his space happened to be one of the few he wouldn’t attempt to bite on sight. Yet, no white nose popped into sight.

When Thomas approached the stall, he figured out why. There was someone in the stall, but unlike most instances of someone being in a stall with Mr. Apples, the person was not being bitten, spit at, or anything else. Instead, Mr. Apples was standing there calm as day as Virgil ran a brush over his flank.

Thomas stared at them for a moment. He found himself wondering if Mr. Apples had died and someone had replaced him with another white horse so the royal family didn’t get upset like one might replace a child’s dead goldfish if it dies while they’re away.

However, then, Mr. Apples realized he was there. The disdain in his expression upon catching sight of Thomas told him this was no imposter. He apparently by some miracle had just found another person he liked. Which… did pose an issue for Thomas.

Virgil had calmed down around his presence a bit ever since Thomas had found him hiding in the castle, but Thomas wasn’t sure how he would feel about being confronted by Thomas’s presence without warning. In the past, he’d been rather jumpy. If Thomas startled a person Mr. Apples liked in front of Mr. Apples, the tentative peace between Thomas and the horse would surely be over.

He debated simply walking away like Mr. Apples’ expression was insisting, but before he could, Virgil glanced up at him. Thankfully, he didn’t jump. He looked at Thomas for a second, seeming a bit unsure. They hadn’t been alone since he’d stopped being completely terrified of Thomas’s existence after all, but eventually settled on saying, “Uh, hello your majesty.”

“Hello Virgil,” Thomas replied with a small smile. “You can just call me Thomas if you’d like.”

Virgil didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so Thomas dropped it for now.

“Mr. Apples seems to like you,” he said.

“He’s a good horse,” Virgil said, patting Mr. Apples’ side. Mr. Apples sent Thomas a smug look. Well, this… was a very familiar conversation.

Having learned long ago not to bother arguing his case, Thomas just said, “He doesn’t like many people.”

“Logan said that,” Virgil said.

“Where is Logan?” Thomas asked, curious. Usually, Virgil wasn’t too far from him or Patton, but Thomas hadn’t seen a sign of them in the stable.

“He’s studying in his library,” Virgil said, “but I wanted to come to the stable since the weather was slightly nicer.”

“And Patton?”

“He had a meeting with your advisor.”

“Makes sense,” Thomas said. He was glad Virgil was apparently comfortable enough now to go places without one of the other boys. He reluctantly supposed he had Mr. Apples to thank for that. “I brought him and apple. Would you like to feed it to him?”

“Sure,” Virgil said.

Thomas smiled and handed over one of the apple slices over the stall gate to Virgil who fed it to Mr. Apples. Once the horse was finished with that slice, Thomas handed him another.

“Don’t you want to feed it some to him?” Virgil asked.

“He’ll enjoy it much more from you,” Thomas replied.

Virgil frowned, but Mr. Apples threw his head in agreement. Virgil ended up feeding the rest of the apple to the horse.

“Would you like to walk back to the castle with me?” Thomas asked once the horse was busy chowing down on his last slice.

“Sure,” Virgil replied. Thomas smiled at him and helped him put away the brush and other supplies he’d been using on Mr. Apples.

Everything went smoothly until he and Virgil moved to leave the stable. The second that Virgil’s eyes saw the weather conditions outside he paused. Thomas did have to admit that he also wasn’t a fan of what was going on outside. The castle was only a dark blob in the distance when the snow was falling that fast.

Yet, there was something different about Virgil’s expression. It didn’t just seem like reluctance to get cold and wet. Thomas had unfortunately seen Virgil terrified a few times before and it was definitely fear flashing in his eyes right now.

“Are you alright?” Thomas asked softly. Virgil jumped at his voice, but for once Thomas didn’t think he had himself to blame for that.

“I…” Virgil hesitated. “I’m just going to stay here for a while.”

Thomas looked at him and then at the snow outside. “You don’t like the snow, I assume?”

Virgil curled one arm around his waist, gripping the opposite wrist. He shrugged one shoulder. “Bad experience.”

“Oh,” Thomas said, “I see.” The child was looking away from Thomas as well as from the snow outside. His eyes were fixed on a bale of hay. “I guess we’ll just stay out here for a bit.”

Virgil’s eyes shot back to him. “You don’t have to stay,” he said. “It’s fine.”

Thomas shrugged. “I didn’t really want to go out in that anyway.”

Virgil bit his lip. “You’re king,” he said. “You have important things to do. You don’t need to sit out in a horse stable with me because of my issues.”

“You’ll be amazed how much time I’ve spent sitting in a horse stable in my life, king or not,” Thomas said with a rueful smile.

Virgil still seemed unsure. “You don’t have to,” he said. There was no way Thomas was going to leave a child who was afraid of snowstorms for whatever reason alone in a horse stable even if he wouldn’t technically be alone with all of the workers.

“It’s fine,” said Thomas. “I’m sure the stable hands would be willing to share some of the tea in their breakroom with us. We’ll wait for a bit and then see if the storm decides to let up later.”

“If you’re sure,” Virgil said.

“I am,” Thomas said with a smile before leading him towards the staff breakroom and away from the sight of the snow falling outside.

Chapter 45 (Virgil)

The king took him a little room in the center of the stables. There were two people sitting in the room when they entered. They looked up at their entrance, but didn’t spare them a second glance, going back to playing a game with cards. This both made sense because the king should be able to go wherever he wanted without question and didn’t make sense because Virgil had assumed most people working for the castle would jump into asking if the king needed anything when he entered a room.

Instead, the king walked over to a small counter at the side of the room.

If Virgil did not know that he was the king, he probably wouldn’t have been able to tell. He’d dressed to be in a horse stable today. There was no crown or any jewelry really in sight except for a necklace. His clothing was perhaps of better quality than most who worked in a stable would wear every day, but not by a large margin. He could have just been a stable manager or something if Virgil did not know better.

He glanced back at Virgil once he’d grabbed a few clean cups. “What would you like to drink?” he asked.

“I don’t care,” Virgil said.

“Have you tried hot apple cider before?” the king asked.

Virgil shook his head.

“Well, it looks like they have some cider being kept warm here,” he said touching a small barrel that was sitting on the counter. There was a slight glow to the barrel that Virgil recognized as a heating enchantment.

“Sure,” Virgil said. “I like apples.”

The king smiled and turned to pour out a glass of the drink through a spigot on the side of the barrel. He offered it to Virgil. The king was serving Virgil a drink. That was… really weird. He was a weird king.

He took the cup. It was warm from the drink and Virgil felt some of the tension that had been in his shoulders since he’d seen the amount of snow outside release as his fingers warmed up.

“It has more spices than things like apple juice,” the king said. “Mostly cinnamon, but also things like cloves, ginger, and nutmeg.”

Virgil didn’t really know what any of those things tasted like off of the top of his head other than cinnamon and, of course, apples. He took a cautious sip anyway.

“Like it?” the king asked, a smile growing on his face quickly in response to whatever face Virgil was making.

Virgil nodded vigorously.

“Good,” the king said with a chuckle. He turned to get another glass of the apple cider for himself. “Let’s sit,” he said motioning with his head to a couch. It was the only free seating available other than one extra chair at the table where the two stable hands were playing cards.

Virgil did as he said, walking over to the couch and taking a seat. It was an old, but comfortable couch. Most of the things in this room seemed pretty old, though all in good condition. It made sense that they wouldn’t want to have a bunch of new furniture when people were just using it to take a break between cleaning horse stalls.

It was a nice little room all the same and warmer than the rest of the building. The two stable hands had slung their light coats over the backs of their chairs and the king also took his off before sitting. Virgil kept his on.

There were a few hooks where it looked like the workers kept their heavier winter coats for when they left the stable as well as some bags and a couple of paintings.

“That one looks like Mr. Apples,” Virgil pointed out.

The king glanced at the painting. “It is Mr. Apples actually,” he told Virgil.

“He was absolutely impossible to keep still for it. He went back in forth from trying to bite the artist to trying to show off for his owner. I’m pretty sure the artist made his eyes red if you look close enough just to express his displeasure somehow.”

“Logan?” Virgil asked.

“Oh, no,” said the king. “That was when my husband was alive.”

Virgil immediately internally cringed. Externally he said a quick “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” said the king. “He’s not a taboo topic to me.”

Virgil searched his face, but he really didn’t seem mad. There was maybe a bit of sadness around his expression, but he wasn’t angry.

“Logan always seems upset when he mentions him.”

“He’s mentioned him to you?” the king asked, sounding surprised.

“A few times,” Virgil said. “He said the headpiece was his favorite and, when he realized I didn’t like the snow, he tried to convince me it wasn’t all bad by telling me how they used to play in the snow when he was little.

“Logan doesn’t usually talk about him much,” the king said. “He was just a child when he died. It hit him very hard.”

Virgil had noticed that himself.

“It’s good he’s talking about him at least a bit.” The king mused, taking a sip of his drink. “He was the son of a stable hand here.”

“You married a stable hand’s son?” Virgil asked and something about his tone made the king laugh.

“I did,” he confirmed. “We met when we were teenagers about your age. His father had come to work at the castle, and they lived in one of the houses out back. There weren’t many kids in the castle at the time and we both liked the gardens and the orchard, so we ended up friends.”

This knowledge just reaffirmed to Virgil that Logan’s dad was an odd king. From what little Virgil knew of princes, they were not supposed to befriend the children of stable hands they met in the gardens and kings were certainly not supposed to marry them. Then again, Logan was also a prince and he had befriended an assassin he found in his bedroom. In fact, now that he thought about it, Patton was now a royal advisor in training, but even he was just the son of a chef.

Perhaps the royalty of Prijaznia were just like that. He was once again glad he hadn’t managed to kill the king.

He’d been glad for a while now. At first it had been because he’d gotten to know Logan and knew killing his dad would have made him sad. Now, though, he thought it was a good thing he didn’t kill the king because the king didn’t deserve to die from what Virgil had seen. He was nice.

He even got up and got Virgil more of the apple cider when he finished his first cup of it. He continued to sit with him and talk to him about different things like what he, Logan, and Patton had been doing in the past few days.

Eventually, the king went to go check if the weather was any better, leaving Virgil to finish his third glass of cider.

“It’s snowing less hard now,” the king told him when he got back, “but it’s still snowing. It’s also going to start to get dark soon. Do you want to try to go back?”

Virgil didn’t really. He didn’t want to be outside when it was snowing at all, but he also really wanted to be back at the castle before it was night. He’d much prefer to sleep in a bed or even in his closet than somewhere in the stable.

“Yeah, we can try to go back,” Virgil replied.

“Alright,” the king said. He grabbed his coat off of the couch from where he’d set it. Virgil had also taken off his coat eventually, so he grabbed his as well. Once they were both dressed, they walked back to the stable door.

Virgil hesitated when he saw the snow. It was better than it had been earlier, but it still was falling fairly hard. He shifted nervously. That was going to be cold.

At least now he could see the castle clearly, so he didn’t have to worry about getting lost in the snow and dying… probably.

“Here,” said the king. He reached for Virgil slowly and Virgil tensed but allowed it. The king took off the hood Virgil had put up and readjusted the cloth hat under it so it was over his ears before putting the hood back up. He pulled on some strings that Virgil hadn’t realized until right then tightened the hood so it wouldn’t fall off his head in the wind. Then, the king took off the scarf around his own neck and wrapped it twice around Virgil, so it covered his mouth and nose. The only exposed area of his face was now his eyes.

“Now will get the least amount of snow on you as possible,” the king said.

“Thanks,” Virgil said. It came out a little muffled.

He smiled at him. “Do you,” he asked, sounding a bit awkward, “want to hold my hand?”

He didn’t particularly. He’d held hands with Logan and Patton before, but that was different. This was the king. Then again… he looked out at the snow. He really didn’t want to risk getting lost in the snow and he was less likely to get lost in the snow if he was holding on to someone, especially someone who knew his way around the castle grounds very well.

Biting his lip behind the borrowed scarf, he decided he’d already taken way too many liberties when it came to the king. He shook his head no. “No thank you.”

“Alright,” said the king. “Offer is open if you change your mind. Ready to go?”

Virgil nodded, grimacing as he stepped out into the cold, the king at his side. Even with the nice winter coat from Logan and the king’s scarf, it was still noticeably cold. Still, he was not cold enough to justify the icy chill that went down his spine and the way his lungs felt frozen solid causing him to pant trying to take in air. It shouldn’t be this way. He’d been in much colder weather for much longer and with a lot less.

“Are you alright?” the king asked when Virgil couldn’t help but slow down to a stop, shivering.

Virgil looked up at him. Unlike Virgil’s face, he had no scarf to protect him from the weather, but he didn’t seem concerned about that. He seemed much more concerned about Virgil. His reddening face was pinched, and he didn’t look like a man as powerful as a king. He looked like… well, he looked like a concerned father, like Logan’s father.

“Can…” Virgil choked out. He held out his hand.

“Of course,” he said. “Like I said, the offer is open.” He reached forward and wrapped his fingers around Virgil’s. Virgil immediately felt the warmth of them, though it may have been more in his head. There were two pairs of thick gloves between their skin.

Logan’s dad led him by the hand all the way back to the castle.

Chapter 46 (Patton)

Patton hadn’t been aware until Virgil came along what Mr. Deknis did in the winter. Most of his staff had gone home for the winter or had winter tasks to do, but Mr. Deknis and a few choice members of his staff still apparently did a lot despite not being able to plant anything. He frequently invited Virgil to join in on these tasks, and Virgil often accepted. Patton wasn’t sure why he seemed to enjoy things like deep cleaning gardening tools and checking over equipment, but he did, so Patton was glad.

“Alright, that’s enough of that for today,” Mr. Deknis said once Virgil finished brushing off the paste that had been applied to remove rust from a hoe.

“Are you sure?” Virgil asked. “I have more time to work. Even if you need to go, I can still work on something. Unless you don’t want me messing with things without supervision…”

“I’m not telling you to leave, Virgil,” Mr. Deknis said with a half-smile. “I just thought you might want to help me out with something else today.”

“Oh, okay. Sure,” Virgil agreed, sounding just a touch excited.

“Let’s put all of this away,” Mr. Deknis said.

Virgil and Patton helped him put things away, though Patton felt more like a hindrance as both Mr. Deknis and Virgil seemed to know exactly where everything in the room went whereas Patton wasn’t sure about some things.

Patton didn’t always come with Virgil when he was helping out Mr. Deknis. Sometimes Logan would come instead, and Virgil had been coming alone with increasing frequency over the last month or so.

He seemed to like it. He always seemed to look forward to spending time with Mr. Deknis and not only because Mr. Deknis often bribed him with snacks of dried or pickled fruits and vegetables.

Once all of the tools and cleaning equipment were stored away, Mr. Deknis led them down the hall. Mr. Deknis had an entire hall to himself on the first floor of the castle which included his bedroom as well as places to dry and can things.

Where he was leading them to now was a small study next to his bedroom. Patton had never been there before and by the way Virgil was curiously looking around, neither had he. It was a cute little area with a small desk and a bookshelf full of books that seemed to all be on plants.

“I’m starting to think about what I want to grow in the gardens next year,” Mr. Deknis explained as they crammed into the small office. He pointed to a large piece of paper on his desk. “This is the plan at the moment though it’s nowhere near finalized.”

He pointed at a sketched out square on the large paper. “I was thinking I wanted to plant something new here, but I don’t know what. It’s just a small patch between the vegetable and flower garden. It’s sort of by the one three teared fountain. I usually use that patch for newer plants, so it could be a vegetable or a flower. I was thinking you could help me pick out something to put there.”

Virgil looked up at him eyes wide.

Mr. Deknis smiled at him. “Would you like to?”

“I…” Virgil said. “I wouldn’t have any idea what to put.”

“Well, I have a few different books of plants you can flip through,” he said. “Any idea what kind of plant you’d like to grow?”

Virgil shrugged.

“I’ll just give you a few for now,” Mr. Deknis said, selecting three different books. “If you can’t find anything you like, just let me know and I’ll give you another book. There are plenty of different types of things to grow. This is just a start.”

“Thank you,” Virgil said, eyes staring down at the field of flowers drawn on the cover of the book on the top of the stack in his arms.

They spent the afternoon on the floor of Mr. Deknis’ living room. The gardener made them some lavender tea and let them eat some candied walnuts and then retreated to an armchair to read his own book about plants. Patton and Virgil laid on the floor flipping through the different books. Virgil still wasn’t very good at reading, so Patton would read the descriptions of the plants that caught his eye to him. One of the books was about different vegetables and one was about herbs, which of course, did catch Virgil’s attention a bit because of his love for edible things, yet the pictures of flowers seemed to interest him the most.

They ended up eventually looking only in the flower book. A while after that, it became clear that he preferred flowers in the orchid family verses composite flowers because he liked the shape of their petals better. So, then they focused more on looking at the different types of orchids that existed.

“There are a lot more types of orchids than I knew there were,” Patton said.

“It’s the second largest family of flowers,” Mr. Deknis told them from his chair. “There’s a lot of different kinds, over 28,000 species at least. Vanilla comes from an orchid plant. If there are none in that book you especially want, I could get a book specifically on orchids.”

Virgil, having already flipped through the book multiple times looking at the orchids, looked up at him with a bit of excitement in his eyes. “I would like that,” he said. “Yes, please.”

Mr. Deknis’ eyes softened on him and he got to his feet. “I’ll go see what I have in the office.”

“Getting to grow something in the garden is exciting,” Patton said once Mr. Deknis left.

“Yeah,” Virgil replied. “It is.”

It was very nice of Mr. Deknis too, Patton thought. He didn’t have to offer to let Virgil plant something, in fact, him happening to have an empty patch in his plans was probably a little bit of a fib, but it was a nice one.

Virgil liked plants and it would give him something to look forward to over the winter and then something to do in the spring and summer. Honestly, Patton could wait to see him experience the castle in the spring. He’d already loved it in the fall, let alone when things started to grow. Patton had a feeling he’d be spending a lot more time outside this summer.

Mr. Deknis came back with a good sized book filled with pictures of flowers. “Why don’t you take this with you for tonight,” he suggested. “It’s almost dinner time. We can talk about it more when you come to help me again on Saturday.”

“Thank you,” Virgil said, taking the book. “I will see you Saturday then.”

“See you Saturday, Virgil,” he said with a smile.

Chapter 47 (Logan)

Logan and Virgil had gotten into the habit of having reading lessons in the afternoons 3 times a week. They would sit in the small library near the royal wing for an hour or two and do different things. Logan had started with just teaching him letters, but he’d memorized those long ago at this point. Now, Logan would spend most of the time having him read simpler books out loud and correcting any mistakes he made along the way. Improvement was surprisingly fast, though in truth, Logan hadn’t had any measure for how long it would take a teenager to learn to read and Virgil was quite dedicated.

Usually, their lessons ended with Logan reading a more complicated book while letting him follow along. The last week, they had been reading the library book Virgil had chosen for himself, Into the Mist. It was an interesting book to read to Virgil, though Logan was unsure if it would be as interesting if he were to read it on his own. In truth, it was a good, but rather ordinary fantasy book. Virgil, however, seemed incredibly fascinated by it. He had never heard a high fantasy story before in his life and he was constantly comparing and contrasting things in the book to things he understood in real life as well as asking Logan about them.

It also became clear that Virgil did not quite understand real life fully. He attributed the same amount of awe to hearing the ocean being described as he did to the main character’s climb up the sky to a cloud city in hopes of saving his love interest’s life. In fact, he seemed more in awe of Logan’s explanation of the ocean since it actually existed. Logan had a sudden intense urge to plan a trip to see an ocean at some point in the future. Lamir was a costal country and its castle sat on top of a cliff that overlooked the sea.

It would be easy enough to take a trip to their ally’s country at some point.

“So, cloud mites don’t exist?” Virgil confirmed yet again.

“No,” Logan said. “They don’t. In fact, their existence would go against all magical laws since they are sentient without being alive.”

“But crabs do?” Virgil asked.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Crabs do not go against the natural order of things,” Logan said.

“But why?” Virgil asked.

“I… don’t understand the question.”

“They don’t have the right number of legs.”

“W-what do you mean by that?” Logan asked, confused.

“Animals can only have an even number of legs on either side.”

“No,” Logan said. Virgil nodded vigorously. “What about beetles? Those have 6 legs. Three on each side.”

“But beetles are bug,” Virgil pointed out.

“Bugs are animals,” Logan argued.

“No, they’re not.”

His face was so serious, and he was so sure, that it was funny. “Bugs are animals,” Logan said.

Virgil seemed confused by this. “But they have 6 legs.”

Logan couldn’t help but laughing at that. “Virgil, what do you think and animal is?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Virgil said, pouting slightly at being laughed at. Logan leaned over to bump their shoulder together which seemed to pacify him. “Cows. Birds. Frogs.”

“I think we need to get you a tutor. You are missing some fundamental building blocks in your education.”

He huffed, peering at the book.

“It’s no fault of your own,” Logan assured. “You are not born with information like that. People were just negligent in teaching you these things.”

Virgil nodded. “That actually reminds me of something.”

“Mmm?” Logan asked.

“There’s something I need to teach you.”

“And what would that be?” Logan asked.

“Survival instincts.”

“What?”

Virgil slammed his hand down on Logan’s desk. “You have no survival instincts,” he declared. “I bet you don’t even know what hemlock tastes like.”

“Isn’t that poisonous.”

“Yes,” Virgil said.

“Then of course I don’t know what it tastes like.”

“Exactly! That’s the problem.”

“I don’t need to know what poison tastes like, Virgil,” Logan said.

“Yes, you do,” Virgil argued. “It’s an important skill.”

“I think your view of what constitutes as an ‘important skill may be skewed,” Logan said.

“You’re a prince,” Virgil said. “Knowing about poisons is an important skill for you.”

“It’s really not though.”

“You’re at war,” Virgil reminded, “and they already tried to assassinate your father. Do you think they’re not going to send someone else when your father is alive at winter’s end and they’ve heard no word from their assassin? Do you think if they realize you’re not easily manipulatable, they won’t come for you too?”

“Well, I mean…” Logan said. “You do have a point there.”

“And you need to learn how to climb things and catch things.”

“Why do I need to know how to catch things?”

“We’ve already had this discussion,” Virgil said. “In case someone throws a knife at you.”

Wait. When had they had that conversation?

“And while we’re on the topic of knives, you need to know how to use a knife effectively.”

“I know how to use a knife,” Logan climbed even though he knew he didn’t know how to use a knife in the way Virgil was talking about.

Virgil, despite having no concept of taxonomic classification, was no fool. “Chopping things for potions doesn’t count,” Virgil said. “I’m talking stabbing lessons. For you and Patton, though to be honest, Patton has an advantage already over you when it comes to using weapons.”

“Why does he…” Logan thought. “Because he managed to get a hit on you with a cookie sheet one time?”

“His reflexes are better,” Virgil said, “as well as his ability to use his environment to his advantage. You’re always completely oblivious about what’s going on around you.”

“Excuse me. I am incredibly observant,” said Logan.

“How many chairs are in the dinning room we walked through to get here two hours ago?” Virgil asked.

Logan thought for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

“Exactly! You walk by them every day and you don’t even know how many chairs there are in that room.”

“I have no idea what that has to do with anything.”

“How would you know if someone tampered with the chairs if you don’t know how many of them there are or their positions.”

“Tamper with the chairs?” Logan asked. “What are you talking about? I filter out unnecessary information. That doesn’t mean I’m not observant.”

“Yes, it does,” Virgil said. “Plus, half the time you don’t even know where I am when you know I’m in the same room as you,” Virgil said.

“Well, that’s because you climb on top of things and hide in walls!” Logan said. “That’s hardly fair.”

“You mean I’m quiet and good at hiding like… an assassin might be.”

Logan pursed his lips. Virgil tilted his head and smiled at him. “I am plenty observant,” Logan insisted once again.

“Prove it,” Virgil said.

“And how should I do that?” Logan asked. “Beyond simply memorizing the furniture arrangements?”

Virgil shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll get an opportunity soon.”

Chapter 48 (Thomas)

Thomas was leaving his office when he ran into his son. Or more accurately, his son almost ran into him. “Is everything alright?” Thomas asked.

“I…” Logan said. His hand came out to grasp Thomas’s shirt sleeve, odd behavior for him at least at this age. He used to do such things when he was very small. “Yes,” he said anyway. “Everything is perfectly fine.” He glanced behind himself down the hall.

Thomas looked at him and then looked down the hallway, concerned by his strange behavior. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” Logan said, but he wasn’t letting go of Thomas’s shirt.

“You seem a bit anxious, Logan,” Thomas said.

“I am not,” Logan denied, releasing his shirt. Thomas caught a glimpse of something moving above their heads. The hallway Thomas’s office was in had large pillars along the outer wall that really no one should be able to scale despite there technically being grooves in them. Yet, there Virgil clung to the chapiter of one of them. Even more bewildering, he was gripping a pouch of some kind in his teeth.

The met eyes briefly. Virgil tilted his head at Thomas. Then, he removed one hand from the pillar. How was he up there? He made a motion with his hand that seemed to be telling Thomas to step back.

Thomas looked back at his son. Logan hadn’t noticed Virgil, too busy glancing behind him and not looking up. Thomas looked back up at Virgil and took a big step back. The moment he did, Virgil grabbed the bottom of the pouch with his free hand and let go with his teeth. The pouch flipped upside down dropping its contents right onto Logan’s head.

Logan gave a high-pitched shriek that Thomas didn’t think he’d ever heard from him before. “Virgil!” he yelled, now absolutely soaked.

“Learn to look up,” Virgil said seriously, still clinging to the pillar.

“I hate you,” Logan replied.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean in anger,” Thomas reminded. He was a bit worried Virgil may overreact to Logan saying things like that to him, though he seemed perfectly calm at the moment.

Logan scowled at Thomas. “You’re on his side?! He just dumped water on my head!”

“He needs to be trained to be more observant!” Virgil said.

Logan turned his scowl to Virgil. “Come down here, you intolerable creature! I’m done with your so called training!”

“And what would you do if I did come down?” Virgil said arching an eyebrow, wholly unconcerned. “Quote facts about animals at me?”

Thomas was unsure what about that comment angered Logan, but it apparently did.

“You little…”

“Boys,” Thomas interrupted. “What’s going on here?”

They both immediately started speaking at once, doing their best to talk over each other. Thomas didn’t catch much of either rants except something about ‘training’ and Virgil ‘stalking the halls’ and an exploding muffin.

“Okay, okay,” Thomas putting a hand up to tell both of them to be quiet. “One at a time. Virgil first.”

“Really?” Logan asked.

“Logan,” Thomas scolded.

He mumbled something under his breath, but he did quiet down.

“Virgil,” Thomas started again. “What’s going on?”

“I’m training him,” Virgil said.

“Training him?” Thomas asked. “Training him for what?”

“For life,” Virgil answered. “He isn’t observant enough.”

“Ah,” Thomas said, still fairly confused. “And how are you training him?”

“Right now, we’re doing situational awareness training,” Virgil said.

“And how does that translate to you dumping water on his head?” Thomas asked.

“He wouldn’t have gotten water on his head if he’d noticed me,” Virgil answered, seriously. Thomas tried not to laugh at the look on his face.

“That is, perhaps true,” Thomas said. “However, dumping water on people’s heads is not nice. Perhaps there is a nicer way to do this training?”

“People trying to kill them won’t be nice,” Virgil said.

“No one is trying to kill Logan,” Thomas said.

Virgil just pursed his lips. “Maybe,” Virgil said. “Not yet.”

Thomas was unsure where this fear had come from. Perhaps he had heard about the successful assassination of Lamir’s late queen. Thomas hadn’t exactly publicized the fact that the queen had been killed and not simply died when he’d returned, but he had told certain people including Logan and Patton. It was possible one of them had let it slip and Virgil had freaked out about it.

“Well,” Thomas said. “It still isn’t nice to ruin someone’s day over a threat that doesn’t exist yet.”

#proofread stories #not writing

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superhero--imagines · 4 years

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Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / Part 18 Here! / Part 19 Here!/ Part 20 Here! His POV Part 1! Here / His POV Part 2 Here! / Part 21 Here! < This is Part 22!>

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Commission Info For Love Letters Here!

A/N: This has some NSFW themes, so if you’re under 18 don’t interact.

Also the Tag list is closed, I think this is about how many people can add for this. An alternative is to follow and turn on post notifications.

Um.. I guess this will be going on hiatus for a few weeks. I’m just busy at work, and I’m kind of out of ideas, also low engagement in the last few parts has made me feel a little discouraged.

That being said- if you order a letter with a twilight character, I’ll probably end up giving a hint for some things that will happen in the series. So if you are on the fence about getting a letter- or you just really can’t stand to wait, there’s always that option haha.

Anyway hope you like it ~

* “(Y/N).... what are you doing?”

* Muffled noise escapes you as you dig yourself deeper , drowning in his scent

* “(Y/N)”

* Your name leaves in a whisper and a smile curls onto his mouth

* “I mean how can you even see the television from that angle” he mumbles

* You sigh, your breath fanning across the lilac shirt he wore, you’re head firmly nestled in his back

* You’re in his room, lying beside him on his bed, essentially spooning him. The movie flickers on in front of you, you’re only half way through the first Harry Potter movie right now

* Honestly you’ve wanted to snuggle into Edward’s back for a while now, ever since you did it right before you both kissed for the first time

* It just feels so warm and safe here

* “I can hear it just fine” you mumble back. You feel the muscles in his back ripple as he shifts, your arm slinging over his chest.

* His hand covers your own. His hands so big it almost entirely envelops your own. And you can’t help but imagine what that hand would feel like in other places

* Tangled in your hair, trailing up and down your sides, under your shirt, dipping beneath the waist band of your shorts-

* Nope nope nope

* Gotta keep it PG 13

* He wants to go slow after all. Or at least you think he does. But well, you thought he might want to be with Bella

* And that was wrong

* Ugh, you want to pull out your own hair. how easy would it be if he could just read your mind and let you know-

* No it doesn’t work like that

* You sigh

* You have to put the work in if you want to make this work

* You have to communicate

* You stir besides him, wiggling you hand out of his and tapping the hard muscle of his abs

* Ugh, of course he’s chiseled like a statue

* Wait you’re a vampire, you tap your own stomach. It feels like a hard slab

* Well damn

* “Hm?”

* “We need to talk”

* “About what?” He asks absentmindedly, eyes never straying from the television.

* He must really like Harry Potter.

* “About sex.”

* He shoots right up. The remote falling to the ground with a clatter

* “Ah sorry, let me get that” he mumbles, climbing out of the bed to pick up the remote and put the movie on pause

* He clears his throat, sitting on the edge of the bed, a whole 5 feet away from you

* “So what did you want to talk about, again?”

* He seems so awkward, maybe you were right, maybe he does want to go slow

* But then what was with that “I’m not waiting for marriage” crap?”

* “I want to be physically intimate with you” you say bluntly

* Why did you say it like that? Like you’re some kind of scientist or something?

* *internal cringe*

* Not that he seems to care

* Edward’s grinning

* “Are you seducing me right now?”

* You’re not sure why but that smile annoys you

* You scoff

* “I’m trying to find out where you’re at, sexually speaking”

* He looks at the ground for several long seconds before finally meeting your eyes

* “So I um-“

* Okay you’re finally getting somewhere

* “I guess I have this kink where I like being called-“

* “No Edward not that!”

* You’re a little annoyed,

* But also a little turned on

* You’ll have to put a pin in that,

* oh boy, Edward with a kink.

* It’s probably something super vanilla like a praise kink

* or something cheesy like a daddy kink

* Like what are you, sixteen-

* Well, he technically is but-

* You’re getting off track

* “Do you-“

* how do you say this?

* “Do you want to have sex with me?”

* And it would sound like your propositioning him if you hadn’t emphasized the ‘want’

* You know he’s on the asexuality spectrum, maybe he just doesn’t feel like that for you

* You know he loves you a lot

* And wether or not he wants to have sex won’t change the way you feel about him,

* But knowing will help you manage your expectations

* “Why...why would you think that I don’t?”

* He looks almost hurt as he says it

* “We’ve been dating for two months and you haven’t made a move”

* Not after he said that thing about ‘Not waiting for Marriage’™

* You feel his hand cover your own, he’s still a heathy distance away from you

* But even just the touch of his hand on yours sends a shiver down your spine

* “How could you ever think I don’t-“ he cuts himself off

* His free hand moves to cradle your face, brushing hair away in that way he’s always done

* You sigh leaning into his touch

* “You’re so beautiful...so lovely.. of course I want to be closer to you in whatever way I can” his words leave breathlessly, and you can see he wants you just as bad as you want him

* “Then why-“

* “You live in my house,” he stresses. “You’re surrounded by my family, who haven’t been very subtle with how pleased they would be for you to join the family. We are literally never away from each other”

* “Do you want me to move back to Denali?” You joke and he laughs, amber eyes warm as he looks into yours.

* “I just don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable... or suffocated.” He squeezes your hand

* “I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to, for me.. or anyone else.”

* So he’s been trying to be considerate of you

* And of the living situation

* Isn’t that just so like him?

* You feel a small smile stretch across your lips, your hand threading into his hair

* “I don’t ever feel uncomfortable, not around you.”

* And it’s true, you trust him completely.

* You know he’ll never hurt you, never

* You foreheads are pressed together, and it’s only a small shift to catch his lips in your own

* Your hand escapes from his and trails to his face, your hands tipping his head back to get a better angle

* He feels so good like this

* He would feel so good underneath you, begging you to go just a little further

* “Now I’m propositioning you” you feel a small breathless chuckle escape him

* “There’s ... another reason I haven’t brought it up” he mumbles

* You hold your breath- he doesn’t have that bubbling desire does he?

* You were right, he-

* “If we did it in the house everyone would know”

* Huh?

* Noticing your confused expression he clarifies

* “Everyone would hear it happen, and everyone would know”

* Oh

* So all this times you’ve kissed-

* And that time in the car -

* Everyone knew?

* You groan covering your face in your hands, how will you ever be able to face Carlisle again?

* “Emmett would have bought us a cookie cake-“

* You raise an eyebrow and he falters

* “He would have bought me a cookie cake...it would say ‘bye bye virginity’ in pink icing” he whispers

* And you laugh

* “That’s so wasteful”

* No doubt Edward would be too embarrassed to let their humans friends eat it - which you don’t blame him for

* “Alright I’ll try to keep my dirty fantasies to a minimum” you laugh when he tugs you into his lap

* “Oh what kind of fantasies?” There’s that teasing boyish grin again

* “Please enlighten me”

* Well, it’s only right to tease him a little after all those hours you’ve spent mulling over what ‘I’m not waiting for marriage’ could mean

* “Well they all start off with a kiss, a good kiss, the kind that makes you feel like you’re just going to melt-“

* You rest your head against his shoulder, whispering into his ear

* “And then when it’s over, one of your hands is under my shirt,”

* you gently trace up his back and he shivers

* “and both of mine are under yours”

* “And then?” His voice is low, but he doesn’t dare to look at you

* You really shouldn’t tease him this much...

* but it’s so fun

* “We kiss again, my hands tracing over every inch of you, and when we stop I unbutton your shirt, trailing kisses down your neck”

* You trail a cold finger down the side of his neck

* He lets out a low sound, akin to a whine

* “And then I’ll suck here” your finger presses lightly into the hollow of his neck before repeating the process on his collarbone “and here”

* “You look so pretty with your neck marked up with hickeys, like poppy’s blooming in snow”

* You can tell he likes it by the shiver and whine

* So he likes that sensual shit huh

* You wonder what else he likes

* “And you look so pretty Edward, breathless, with that hungry needy look in your eyes just for me”

* Your hand trails down to his chest, and he trembles as your hand moves across his stomach. Resting on his lower abdomen

* His breath hitches, teeth digging into hi plush pink lip. He’s so needy, your finger trails in absentminded circles, and you swear he whimpers

* Aw so cute

* “And that’s about it” you say bluntly patting his stomach twice before moving to get off of him

* His eyes shoot open, a frown arching onto his mouth

* You hold back a laugh

* before you can fully get off of his lap he tugs you back to him

* “I see what you’re doing” he tried to pretend to be stern but you a smile twitching at the end of his lips

* “I don’t know what you mean. That’s just where the fantasy ends” you say as innocently as possible which only makes him grin

* “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been teasing you too much”

* “Hmm have you been?” You mock confusion and he laughs again, kissing the spot where your neck and shoulder meet

* “I’m sorry I got your hopes up”

* You scoff

* “My hopes weren’t up-“ Edward tilts your head towards him and you avert your eyes

* Okay they were a little high

* He pulls you into another kiss, soft and gentle

* “I promise I’ll make all your fantasies come true soon.”

* He already has, how many dreams that you never thought you would be able to have has he made come true?

* God, you adore this boy

* “But until then you’re going to have to leave”

* Scratch that

* “W-what?!”

* What did you do something to turn him off in the last .05 seconds?

* “It’s nothing personal-“

* You’re taking this very personally

* “I just need some time alone, and maybe a cold shower”

* Oh

* O H

* “R-right, well I’ll leave you to that” you mumble, clearing your throat as you move away from him, only briefly stopping on your way out

* “I’m going to take a few of these okay?” You say grabbing the other two Harry Potter movies

* You don’t wait for him to respond, leaving the room and heading to your own

* You run into Emmett who sends you a mischievous grin

* “Hey (Y/N), what were you-“

* “Nothing you would need to a buy a cookie cake for” you say, sliding into your room

* You look down at the DVD’s

* Why did you take these? You don’t even have a TV in your room

* Meanwhile Emmett’s still in the hallway

* “How did they know I was going to get him a cookie cake?”

* .

* ..

* ...

* You’re not sure where you are at first

* It’s foggy burst of green and brown

* And then you see him

* It’s Edward

* You breathe a sigh of relief moving towards him, as long as he’s here you’re okay

* “I’m sorry-“ you stop in your tracks

* there’s someone else there, clinging to his side

* “You were right- I do love her” He says and you’re confused

* The most faded and its Bella her wide brown eyes narrowed into a glare

* “Did you think you could just steal my future away from me?” She spats at you like her words are venom

* No- of course you never meant to take her place

* But you always hoped to- didn’t you?

* The intrusive voice causes a shiver to erupt down your spine

* You walk back, feet tangling into one another

* No that’s not right, Edward loves you- this isn’t right

* That’s when you bump into something hard- immovable

* You turn to see someone else entirely

* They’re wearing a black and red cloak

* Someone from the Volturi

* You gulp hard.

* So they’ve come for you have they

* The figure moves to remove the hood of their cloak, and you feel a gasp escape you.

* It’s you

* Only your face seems...sharper somehow, even more beautiful. But in an unnatural way, devoid of humanity

* Your eyes are as red as rubies

* You fall back, your foot getting caught in a tree root

* The Volturi-you sighs, crouching down so their impassive eyes can meet yours

* “You’ve really got to get over that whole timeline” their voice is different too, an air of disappointment ringing in every word. They sound bored

* You can’t manage to string together a single thought, let alone any words

* “Well don’t look so scared. I’m here to help you know” but their smile is cruel

* “Unless you can snap out of that lovesick dream of yours and finish what you started, this is the future that’s waiting for you”

* “That’s not true”

* Carlisle saved you, Eleazer took you in, Edward gave you a new future.

* You’re never going back to the Volturi

* But the you clad in the black and red robe’s smile only grows wider

* “It’s not true for now, but how many more years do you think you can handle until you get bored?”

* “Another 20? Let’s say 50 for good measure- then what?”

* You feel like a cold finger runs down your spine, your hair standing on end

* “I think you know exactly what” the cloaked you says, their eyes are serious now as they look at you

* “You need to finish what you started-“

* Finish what? What are they talking about? What did you start?

* Noticing your confusion they sigh

* “You need to stop focusing so much on what happened in the story, and start thinking about what happened after the story”

* After the story?

* Like after Edward and Bella had Their baby?

* “Now wake up”

* The words echo in your head until you fly upright, breathing hard as you take in the space around you

* For a second you’re not sure where you are

* This is your room, at the Cullen’s house in Forks

* You’re fine

* You’re safe

* You try to regulate your breathing, attempting to calm your mind with it

* It was just a nightmare. Not that you ever remember falling asleep to begin with

* “I didn’t think I could fall asleep anymore” you whisper

* You pretend to sleep, because it feels good. But you’ve never lost yourself like that before

* It felt so real

* “Finish what I started? And then after the story-“ You feel the hair on the back of your neck stand on end

* There was something- something you had tried a long, long time ago-

* Back when you still lived in Denali

* An idea you had come across once- after Edward told you how painful it was for him to turn

* But how would you even go about proving something like that?

* And what’s what might have happened after the book series got to do with any of this?

* You sigh, your head in your arms. It was just a dream wasn’t it? A nightmare from your insecurities?

* If you just whispered his name, Edward would be beside you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, erasing all your worries

* “ Unless you can snap out of that lovesick dream of yours and finish what you started, this is the future that’s waiting for you”

* You gulp

* You don’t need Edward to coddle you through every little nightmare, you decide

* Turning in your bed, closing you eyes and hoping to dream a more pleasant dream this time But you don’t dream at all, tossing and turning until light filters in through the blinds

Tags: @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796 @moose-squirrel-asstiel @hotmessgoodness @jaimewho @corabmarie @what-am-i-doing10 @alluring-venus @imdoingathingmom @anotheryooniverse @im-tired-not-sleepy @emmettcullenisahimbo @my-super-musical-life @smolvampiregirl @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream @mihikaahujaaa @werewolflover3252 @teenagezombiekryptonite @shynz @reclusive-chicken-nugget @monkeyluver4546 @wonhomarshmallow @bwbatta @bubblyabs @thatwaspossesion @helzerat @parascape @ xxxmuxxx @katrodriguez99 @leilanixx

#twilight #twilight imagines #twilight headcanon #twilight saga #twilight reader insert #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen imagine #Edward Cullen x you #midnight sun #superhero--imagines

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biffhofosho · 3 years

Text

Succumbing to Sybaris | Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Word Count: 11.3k

A/N: Uh-oh. Amber should have checked the map. Revelationville veers right into Betrayalsburg. Wonder where the next stop is…

Forewarning: this chapter is gif-heavy. I went WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY overboard, but the Muse must be sated.

If you’re as much a slut for tension as I am, this chapter is for you. I was literally sweating toward the end.

Cvr | Tr | Pr | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16| 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | Ep

Amber slipped out of the house before dawn as planned. It wasn’t hard getting up when she’d struggled through sleep anyway. The nightmares had grown more intense now that there was a name to put with the shadow at the top of the cliff. Her name in his deep voice rattled through the echo chamber of her heart long after her eyes had flown open with an adrenaline spike.

In the living room, Shownu hadn’t moved an inch from the moment he’d fallen asleep though she suspected he was perfectly aware she’d gone. Now that she was out, she made a beeline for the closest Walmart and bought a handful of necessities, including fresh clothes and some real food that she’d downed like a caveman.

There was so much to do today, including this new 180-degree turn in her case to navigate, but Amber only had one person on her mind. It was still early, but being an officer gave her special privileges, and she intended to use them to check on her best friend.

No sooner had she turned the corner to the waiting room then she found a bleary-eyed and disheveled CL hunkered in one of the chairs. Amber was surprised the news had made it to the streets, but then CL was one of the few prostitutes with a soft spot for cops, especially mop-haired, big-eared teddy bear cops who refused to give her the time of day. Amber wondered how long the woman had been waiting.

“Chae-lin? What are you doing here?”

The hooker’s sharp jaw tensed before she replied, “They won’t let me see him.”

Amber joined her friend and stared ahead at the dull mint green walls. “Eric’s probably still sleeping. He went through a lot. Want me to go check?”

CL nodded numbly, and the detective headed over to the nurse’s station to find Eric had awoken only to give the staff orders to keep out all visitors except for one—his partner. With a heavy heart, Amber returned to the other woman.

“Still unconscious,” the detective lied. “Doctors are keeping him sedated for at least the next six hours as a precaution after his surgery. He lost a lot of blood.”

CL let out a shaky sigh. “What happened to him?”

“Not sure, but you know I’m going to find out, same as I’m doing with Bomi and Minzy. You know I’ll make him pay.”

The hooker turned her bright, fierce eyes on the detective, and again, her jaw tensed. “Him? Same guy?”

Amber knew what was coming, and she raised her hands in defense. “Stay out of it, CL.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll arrest you,” Amber snapped. “You know our deal: information only. I trust your intuition, so if you have something, you come to me and only me. No foolishness. This guy is dangerous, a lot more than any pimp or john could be. You know I mean that, right?”

CL considered before she nodded, though the tension in her gaunt cheeks was unmistakable. “You think the same guy who took my girls hurt Eric?”

“Listen,” the detective said, leaning in now since eyes were starting to turn their direction, “all I can tell you is I have a name, and I’m closing in, all right? You know me; you know I’ll never let this guy get away with this. Never. Not ever.”

CL swiveled toward Amber, and for the first time the detective could remember, there were tears in the woman’s eyes. “I know. Eric’s gonna be okay, right?”

“He is. He’s strong, stronger than any of us.”

For a long moment, CL mused over her chipped manicure though it was obvious something bigger was on her mind than some fresh Wet ‘n’ Wild polish. Another deep breath, and she ventured, “I’m leaving YG. For good this time.”

Amber smiled brightly at the woman. “I’m proud of you.”

“You should be. It’s your fault. I can’t get your nagging out of my head—well, that and the image of you grinding that one john's nuts to powder.”

“That's how you figured out I was a cop,” Amber reminded with a withering glare.

“Nah, I always knew. Even in a miniskirt and thigh-highs, you were too classy for the streets, Honey. I just liked keeping you around. Still do.”

The detective pressed her lips together, hoping to hold back the rush of affection in her chest before it grew uncomfortable between the two of them.

“You got somewhere to go?” Amber asked.

“Who wouldn’t want to take in a class act like me?” the hooker joked with a gesture toward the same frumpy pink satin dress the detective had seen her in for most of CL’s arrests. “I was gonna ask Eric to finally move in with me, but I guess we’ll table that.”

But the detective knew her old friend too well to fall for CL’s bravado. She could see the stress cracks in the woman’s cakey foundation and the black halo of old eyeliner from blotted tears. “Seriously, girl, you gonna be okay?”

“I’m always okay. Made a career of it.”

“Where can I find you then—for when I get the girls back?”

CL stood and tugged up the bust on her dress. She held her beautiful head up high and answered, “I got a room at the Sunset Arms through the weekend. I’ll figure it out after that. If Eric asks, don’t tell him I was here. It’s my turn to play hard-to-get.”

At last, some of the dread ebbed from the blonde’s eyes as it did from the detective’s. It was a familiar game, one that Amber was happy to play. CL didn’t tease because she liked it; she teased because it made her feel stronger under the enormity of the world, and that was something a woman like Amber understood too keenly.

“Three-sixty, Honey,” the hooker said with a swirl of her finger as she retreated down the hall, using their old code from back when they patrolled the streets together. The message felt even more potent all these years later:

Watch your back because there’s nobody else to do it for you.

As soon as CL had gone, Amber made her way to Eric’s room. She edged open the door, careful not to startle him, but it was she who was startled.

He looked terrible, and not just because his throat had been wrapped like a mummy to disguise the hole in it. His eyes were sunken into his elven face, and all the playfulness and magic that had always been there had vanished. He was deathly pale, which wasn’t surprising after massive blood loss, but even so, he was also dim, like someone had replaced his 500-watt bulb with a 20-watt. He didn’t even perk when he saw his best friend.

Eric grabbed a dry erase board by his bed and scrawled:

“Yeah,” said Amber, though her voice came out hoarse. “Glad to see you up. I missed you.”

She swallowed thickly. Deep down, she hadn’t expected to. The last time she was at Eric’s bedside, she’d committed to taking down his attacker, and that much hadn’t changed, but late last night, as she’d stared at the ceiling hoping to dodge dreaming a little longer, she’d realized that was just as much about avoidance as retribution. If she faced Eric awake, she’d have a lot more to apologize for, and even though she was ready, it didn’t make it any less scary.

But now, as she looked across to Eric’s relieved brow and puckered lips, Amber was so grateful she hadn’t done anything more impulsive than a rendezvous with the fiendish family lawyer.

Come here, her best friend wrote and motioned with his marker beside his bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she reached for Eric’s hand only to have him tug her roughly toward his face.

“Am I going to be…” he rasped, his voice as shaky as his breathing, “okay?”

Amber translated him instantly and nodded emphatically. “You’re going to be fine, Eric. You’ll just have a cool scar to impress the chicks. Use the board, okay?”

Grateful breath rushed out of his lungs as he collapsed back against the incline of his bed.

“Have you seen Luke?” she asked.

Eric propped up the board and wrote:

“He’s worried.”

Amber knew what he meant, and she shook her head. “No one does. They’d all think we’re crazy.”

“I think that hole in your neck says otherwise.”

Everything in Amber was screaming at her to bellyflop onto the bed and hug him, but she was pretty sure that would do more harm than good. Instead, she nodded solemnly.

“I should have.” She didn’t bother to add he would have thought she was crazy, too. It didn’t matter anyway.

Eric mulled something over for a long moment before he erased the board and added, Not Chae.

Amber nodded slowly. “I know.”

He echoed the surprised face with one of his own, and Amber released the breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding.

“Ugh, they couldn’t have kept you sedated a little longer?” she ribbed. As her hand closed over his though, a wave of sincerity washed through them. She caught Eric’s eyes. Slowly but surely, they were brightening, and Amber felt like crying. Instead, she added, “You were right.”

He flipped his hand over in hers and squeezed.

“Tell me what you can remember, Nam.” She tapped his board to remind him not to strain his voice any further, and he squeezed her hand again. “Take your time.”

He paused for a moment, the marker trembling in his grip as his heartrate monitor spiked.

“Easy, Eric,” Amber soothed. “Easy.”

His eyes were saucers, wide and wet as his breath shook, but he turned back to his board and, in ragged slashes, wrote:

“I know,” she said, rubbing his forearm. “I know.”

Shame prickled down her spine. Amber had felt the tickle of those wicked instruments against her own skin, but they’d brought her only perverse pleasure. The more she’d seen them, the more curious she’d become about them—and the more she’d desired them. But Eric could never know that, not when they’d been used to tear a chunk out of him.

“Try to focus on something else,” suggested Amber. “Tell me what happened first.”

Her partner nodded and hunched over his board. After a few moments of scribbling, he would show her what he could before he would erase it and write the next thing.

“Okay, okay,” Amber soothed again. “You’re doing great. You didn’t see his face. Did you hear anything? Smell anything?”

God, she was just leading Eric from one horror show to the next. Black panic edged back into his eyes, and Amber scrambled to find something that would ground him in a more familiar reality.

“Do you remember if he said anything?”

The faraway look receded as something concrete surfaced in his mind. Eric started writing again before he suddenly stopped and forced his weary throat to rasp, “‘The unworthy shall be eliminated.’”

His face twisted in agony, no doubt as much at the words as the hole in his neck. Amber grasped his knee to keep from throwing her chair. Her Eric unworthy? The idea was as outrageous as it was unthinkable. Rage seethed under her skin and threatened to erupt before a coughing fit racked her partner’s body and he collapsed onto his pillow.

“Shh, don’t talk, Eric. Just write, remember? I don’t care if you have to be Ernest fucking Hemingway. I’ll wait for you, got it?”

His lips pressed together, and she knew he understood. They both glanced down at the board to find the words he’d abandoned.

Amber angrily scrubbed the board clear with the butt of her palm and asked, “Anything else you can remember?”

“My God,” she breathed. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“I’m sure that’s what he’s counting on,” she mused, her eyes miles away peering into the shadowed face of the vampire she’d only met in dreams.

Eric viciously jabbed those last words until it jarred Amber from her musings.

She glowered at her partner. “I’ve got a handle on it, okay? I know how to take them down, and they’ll never expect it from someone like me.”

“Well, I don’t like some undead prick attacking my best friend. I’m not going to let him get away with it.”

Please! he scrawled with begging eyes to match.

“It doesn’t matter, Eric,” Amber said, her voice as steamrolled as her soul felt. “Either I go after him or he comes for me. I’d rather be on the offensive this time. I’m tired of reacting to everything. It gets others hurt.”

Her fingers reached tentatively toward his bandage, but he winced at the notion, and she pulled back.

“If he wanted me dead,” she continued, “I would have been dead weeks ago. This is all some kind of game to him.”

“Who knows the kind of deranged shit that pops into your head when you’re hundreds of years old and bored as shit? We’ve got to figure it out and beat him at it before anyone else suffers.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea after what happened to Devita… The bastard might have let you live but only because he wants me to have a damn good reason to find him, not the whole police force. Besides, what are you gonna tell Anna? ‘No, Anna, his canines were about two inches longer’?”

Eric’s lips puckered as he stifled a smile. Fair.

Amber shook her head. “If the guy were any more strait-laced, he’d be a corset. No, we can’t tell him.”

“No, Eric.”

Her partner stabbed the captain’s name again, but Amber was resolute. With an angry brow, Eric wrote:

“After everything that’s happened, he’ll think we’re both delusional with stress. He’ll put me on medical leave, and I need the Bureau’s resources. I can’t risk that now.”

Excuses, he scribbled with a wrinkled nose.

“Yeah, well, it’s a good one,” she retorted. “Shove over, lazy bones.”

With eyes more vibrant than Amber had seen all morning, Eric wiggled over so a cozy little trough opened up alongside him. His best friend snuggled in as best she could amongst the sagging IV lines and machine wires, with half her body dangling over the edge and the other half toasted by Eric’s frame.

The word “unworthy” still emblazoned her mind and soured her mouth.

She turned her head to study her partner’s familiar profile—strong, protruding ears; upturned button nose; and cuddly monkey hair. How could she possibly survive without him?

Amber rested her chin on his shoulder and sighed. “Can’t we just go back to Pal’s, commandeer the jukebox, and play Toad the Wet Sprocket all night again? You can even bring one of your dumb friends.”

Eric tapped her arm to remind her to let him up, and as soon as he did, he grabbed his board and wrote, Hey

A moment later: I love you

“You insufferable sap,” she teased, poking his bicep. “Love you, too.”

They smiled at each other, but it was short-lived. With a wince, Eric cleared his throat and squeaked, “You’re going after him, aren’t you?”

“I told you to use the board, dummy.”

Amber released a long breath through her nose and settled back against the incline of his bed. “It’s going to have to look like it.”

??? he scrawled quickly with an underline.

“This asshole’s coming for me, and I can’t let him catch me unprepared. His game, it’s almost over. I can feel it here,” she said, thumping her fist over her heart.

Eric stared furiously at her. At first, Amber wondered why, but then it dawned on her. She sounded flippant.

This was all inevitable, she saw that now. The wheels had been put in motion the day she found chwSUX in the chatroom. Who knew, maybe that had even been orchestrated as well? Amber had no idea how long Kai’s con had been. She’d been the puppet, acting out parts in a play completely ignorant of all the strings attached. Maybe at last she’d finally understand her role in all this.

Don’t let him win, Eric wrote and then tapped the board emphatically.

“Of course not. The fucker’s going down. I owe him for your neck, my leather jacket, and torching our Glamour Shot.”

“Neither here nor there, Nam. I’ve got a silver stake with his name on it, and I’m going to make sure he feels its pointy end.”

Neither one missed the finality in those words. This wasn’t Cops and Robbers anymore. Whatever thin blue line had held Amber back all these years had snapped along with her civic duties. Cold, bleak revenge coiled in her limbs.

What about Chae? Eric wrote.

The air thickened.

“What about him?” she said warily.

Eric pantomimed a stabbing, and Amber knew for sure he’d heard her whole confession the other day. Suddenly, she felt a fresh wave of nausea wash through her.

“We have a more immediate danger. I’ve got to handle that first.”

Her partner studied her for a long moment before he turned back to his board and added:

“I know, Eric.”

Neither one mistook the bite of aggression in her voice. If she’d been hooked up to the heart monitor, she could only imagine how wildly it would be chirping.

“We’ve got to get those women back,” Amber insisted, all too happy to shift focus. “They’ve waited long enough for their rescue. Everything else can wait for us to figure it out.”

“I know, but that’s not changing, is it?” She sighed more bitterly than she’d hoped and added, “I’ll take care of him later.”

With a tight jaw and a hard swallow, Eric glared at his partner until Amber couldn’t take it anymore and climbed off the bed.

“I gotta go,” she said, though she suddenly found it hard to look her best friend in the eyes. “Gotta get to the precinct and get to work. Do me a favor and let some of the guys in to see you, okay? I’m sure Luke and Ellis will want to check up on you.”

Eric didn’t respond.

“CL’s really worried about you, too, you know.”

Eventually, he answered, Don’t want her to see me like this.

“Why not? You look hot,” Amber teased. “Like a tough-as-nails cop even the baddest of guys can’t take down.”

Her friend glowered at her before he shifted his gaze back to the board, though he didn’t respond.

“You know, the Five O Boys asked about you—and the cameras weren’t even rolling.”

Again, Eric ignored her, but this time he turned back to his board. He wrote more meticulously this time, putting extra effort into every letter before he spun it around in his lap and held it out for her to emblazon the words across her mind.

The station had always been the place Amber felt the most control. She was safe and powerful here. She knew everyone and they knew her. When things spiraled out at home, she could always rely on the rhythm of the precinct to lull her back into a safe space. But today, she dreaded it. If she hadn't made a promise to Shownu, she would have blown the whole thing off and nobody would have blamed her.

The moment the first pair of eyes discovered her, the condolences rained torrentially in.

“Sorry about your house.”

“Heard they started a fund for you.”

“How's Nam?”

“First, Chloe and now, Eric. Damn…”

“Did you hear they found a Runaway?”

It was one depressing reminder after another, and the urge to run from it all was overwhelming, but Shownu was already at his desk waiting on her, so Amber trudged over with heavy feet. No sooner had she plopped down beside him than Stefanie was there with the promised fresh coffee, though the detective’s mood soured the taste when she thought about how it had taken Stefanie’s tryst with Wonho to score Amber the best of the brew.

“How’d you sleep?” Shownu asked in a near whisper.

“Okay,” she lied. “Wanted to check on Nam, so I headed over to the hospital first thing.”

“I figured.”

“Thanks again for, you know…” Considering how much attention had been paid to her all morning, Amber didn’t bother to specify, but Shownu nodded all the same.

“The invitation still stands, okay?”

“Not going to lie, I was kind of hoping you’d say that.”

Shownu stifled a smile and returned to his notebook, flipping to a new page. “Are you ready to talk about that lead you mentioned last night?”

Amber tensed. She knew this was coming since she’d arranged it, but still, she was hesitant. The more Shownu knew, the more danger it put him in. Eric had known nothing, yet that hadn’t stopped Kai from nearly killing him. This had to be part of the act—she had told Eric as much.

“Maybe we should wait for Cavill and Agent Suh, in the interest of transparency?” Amber suggested, but she could tell from the way her partner’s eyes tensed that he didn’t want that, and she relented. “Fair enough. You should know, all I have is a name, and that’s literally it, okay? Don’t get your hopes up too high.”

Shownu nodded and readied his pen over his notebook. Amber took a deep breath.

“Kai,” she breathed, loosing the beast’s name for the first time. It was dull in her ears, like a cymbal ringing and ringing and ringing. “K-a-i.”

Shownu’s pen didn’t move. In fact, he pushed back from his notebook and stared off into space.

“Kai…” he said slowly as though he were tasting it in his mouth. “Is that a first name, last name, or nickname?”

“No idea.”

“Where'd you get this lead anyway?”

Amber thought about lying or disguising it as an anonymous source, but they'd had enough lies between the two of them already, and now that she was staying at his place, she wouldn’t be able to outrun them anyway.

“Chae's attorney, Yoo Kihyun,” she answered.

“His brother?” Shownu said flatly. “What makes you think he would tell you the truth about anything? Isn’t it in his best interest to lie?”

“It’s in his best interest to tell us what he knows if he doesn't want us looking into his family anymore.”

“Wouldn’t he say just about anything to keep you out of it then?”

Amber squinted at her partner. “What’s with you, Son? I thought you wanted us to look in another direction?”

“The right one,” he clarified.

“Yeah, well, you don’t think it’s Chae and you don’t think it’s Kai, so let me hear your lead.”

Shownu let out a sigh. “I don’t have one.”

“Fine, then this is the one we’re going to share with the other team,” she asserted, but her partner shook his head emphatically.

“This is nothing. You don’t even know if it’s a name. Could be an alias.”

Amber scowled at him as she said, “So we’re not going to even bother to pursue it? Come on, Son.”

“I didn’t say that. Let me—” He fumbled for words, and Amber was not used to seeing Shownu fumble for anything. When he spoke, he’d always seemed to have prepared exactly what he was going to say ahead of time, but now he was visibly flustered. “Maybe— How about I do a little legwork on this first? I can check out known aliases and offender databases, and then we can present anything we find to the team rather than waste everyone’s time on the same thing.”

It sounded reasonable, but Amber saw through it. “If you’re worried he’ll come after us now that he’s gone after Nam—”

“Why aren’t you worried about that?” Shownu demanded so forcefully, all Amber could do for a minute was blink.

“Because we’re the police. It’s our job.”

“Of course,” he said though it sounded more like he was trying to placate her than agree with her. “But it’s also our job to do some background research before we dive headfirst into a new lead. We don’t want another Chae leading us in the wrong direction.”

“Okay, I get your point,” she replied. “You run a search for known aliases and see if anything comes up. I’m going to ask Agent Suh to check the national databases, and when I get back, I’ll see if there are any AOL or MSN usernames with that handle. Chatrooms are how I found Chae, and Kai’s clearly used them, too. Maybe that’s how they’ve been linked this whole time.”

“Or I could do that,” suggested Shownu. Amber rolled her eyes as she took a step toward the Five-O headquarters, and her partner relented. “At least take your coffee. It’s getting cold.”

As she grabbed her mug and tipped it toward him in thanks, Amber realized how well Shownu had slotted into Eric’s role, and she felt a pang of guilt. Her best friend was lying in a hospital while someone had replaced him at the precinct. It was never supposed to get this far. She was never supposed to let the Northern detective in as much as she had, but now they had a rhythm between them—now they had a rapport. Christ, they were sharing an apartment! Sure, that was temporary, but if things had evolved between them this much this fast, there was no telling what else could happen.

Amber’s only comfort was knowing things were moving toward their conclusion. She had a name now, one she knew would lead her to answers, and that meant Shownu would go home and the brothers would slink back into obscurity.

In the Five-O war room, Johnny was eager to help and hurried off to dig into the Kai investigation. Meanwhile, Cavill remained as civil as he’d been on the Han murder scene, especially after Amber had assured him as soon as her lead came back with any hits, she’d share the results with their team. Even Welling stood behind his partner, a bulky shadow as usual, offering his gruff assistance. Finally, things were going exactly as intended, especially her fishing expedition.

Amber hadn’t lied when she’d told Eric she was going to look into Kai, but if any of their efforts came back with anything, which she seriously doubted they would, it would simply be a bonus. She’d set her sights on smaller game. With this latest turn of events, the mole in her station was sure to report back to his master, and Amber would be lying in wait. Maybe she could track the two-faced coward back to Kai at his base of operations, and there she would find the missing women. If her plan worked, she could cut out any more collateral damage. It would be Kai and her, and she could end all this once and for all.

Kai would pay. She would see to it.

Feeling excited for the first time since the hours before Evelyn Hoover’s untimely demise, Amber plowed through the motions with the hook of a grin etched onto her face. Shownu was decidedly bleaker beside her, but she could see him combing through potential aliases anyway. Lucas still hadn’t shown up, but he’d called from the hospital to check in with his precinct.

When he’d spoken to Amber, she could hear every single ounce of the burden he’d been carrying on his shoulders since their friend had nearly died. Between the blood donation and doctor-harassing he’d been doing, she was pretty sure Lucas hadn’t left the hospital since Eric had been admitted, not even when Han So Hee’s body had turned up. She wanted to chalk it up to the trust he had in his officers, but she knew what it really was—guilt. Plain and simple. It was easier to spot when she’d been shouldering the same elephant, even if Lucas’s was by association and hers was earned.

At the mention of a new lead, though, the captain perked up immediately. “If you come across a mugshot, let’s get a lineup to Nam. I want to nail this son-of-a-bitch now more than ever.”

Gone was the pretense of objectivity. Blood was in the water, and the frenzy was just beginning. It didn’t matter that everyone had been running ragged since Officer Devita had vanished. Officers from other precincts would be called in, the search grid would be expanded, and the media attention would intensify. Of course, Amber knew none of that would produce a single viable lead—not anymore. Once the Hoover loose end had been pulled, there would be no more mistakes. Kai only wanted one person’s attention, and he had it.

The detectives spent the rest of the day spinning their wheels. There was no trace of Kai in any of their databases, of course, and though Agent Suh said the FBI was still running a deep scan for all known aliases, there wouldn’t be any there either. Amber came up with nothing in every chat server and ISP she could think of, but she was sure she was missing something. Kai had orchestrated this to look like Chae and his brothers were involved, she knew that now, but while she could see the threads, she couldn’t connect them. It was maddening.

When she’d finally shared the lead with Cavill and Welling, neither had much to offer though they’d promised to cast out their own lines to see what might bite. The only thing the team had to go on was the same thing they walked out with at the end of the day—a name.

Even more disheartening, despite how keenly she’d studied each of the her potential mole suspects, none of them did anything suspicious. They’d all stayed at the station working alongside her, no one disappeared for so much as a coffee run, and no one had made any mysterious phone calls. It was business as usual for the Five-O Boys, and that should have been comforting, but instead, it was crushing. She couldn’t follow them all once the day ended, and she couldn’t even decide on a most likely candidate to follow. She’d have to broaden her suspect list tomorrow.

After a few stops, Amber holed back up at Shownu’s place despite the generous donation from her coworkers. With her feet propped up on the couch and Shownu’s sweats on her legs, Amber realized she’d gotten too comfortable here too quickly. Tomorrow, she vowed to start looking for something more permanent, even if it meant a hotel in between.

“I’m going to grab a shower,” her partner said as he headed back toward the bathroom with a towel draped over his shoulder.

Amber didn’t bat an eye, which only underlined her point. Tonight would be her last night here.

“‘kay,” she mumbled, eyes buried in her paperwork.

Shownu waved over his shoulder and disappeared, leaving Amber with the hum of the refrigerator and the hiss of the shower.

She delved into the case notes from Han So Hee’s murder, skipping over the crime scene photos and heading straight for the riddle. Even the copy seemed to glow in her hands. Amber read the note out loud.

In the quiet of the apartment, it sounded like a spell being invoked. It sent a chill through her body and the hairs on her arms standing on end. A second later, a noisy sputter launched Amber to her feet, her hand instinctively reaching to where she usually kept her gun.

“You jittery moron,” she seethed to herself. “It’s just the fridge.”

With a sigh, she headed over to Shownu’s dusty coffee maker. She wasn’t sure why a guy who didn’t drink the stuff had one, but maybe it was an ex-girlfriend’s. If there was a coffee maker, then it stood to reason that there might be some coffee somewhere in this bachelor pad. Amber scrounged around the cupboards until she found some grounds that had expired two years ago, but she helped herself anyway; she worked at a police station—she was used to crappy coffee.

As she filled the pot with water, something occurred to her: the refrigerator was still purring. Then what had shut off?

This time, Amber put her ear beside the minifridge-turned-gunsafe. She didn’t hear anything and felt doubly stupid, but as she pulled back, her eyes landed on the outlet. Two full plugs—one to the big refrigerator and one to the little.

The detective squinted at the padlock as the chill persisted down her back and the hairs still ruffled on her arms. “Why would he refrigerate his guns?”

Amber hadn’t realized she’d made a decision until her bobby pin was fishing in the padlock. She’d been picking locks ever since she and Delphine had discovered their high school principal’s file cabinet full of locker confiscations, and her training at the Academy had only taught her how to do it faster. In less than thirty seconds, the padlock relented, and she opened the door.

There were no guns, but it was stuffed with something infinitely more dangerous.

“Shower’s free—”

Every thought died on Shownu’s lips the moment he noticed a blood bag limp in Amber’s hands. Behind her, the little refrigerator spilled its scarlet guts onto the counter, a half dozen bags scattered out and a dozen more stuffed inside.

Water dripped from her partner’s hair to his bare shoulders and over his wide chest, but that was all that moved between them. With the door open, the little refrigerator kicked back on, and the rattle shook Amber back into her body.

“Tell me,” she said with the bag thrust in front of her. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Tell me it’s evidence or a Forensics experiment or early fucking Halloween decorations. Tell me that.”

Nothing but her staccato breaths punctured the air until Shownu finally said, “I can’t. Spiros—”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare.”

Amber swiveled toward the refrigerator full of unnatural nourishment and let the horror in.

“What are you?” she whispered over her shoulder.

“You know that.”

“Who are you?”

“You know that, too,” Shownu pleaded. She heard him take a step closer, but she flinched and he stopped.

“I saw you eat,” she hissed. “I sat side-by-side with you as we ate tacos and gyros and fucking fried chicken. I saw you.”

“I can eat, same as I can breathe, but it’s all for show. It’s nothing.”

“Nothing…” Amber echoed. She squeezed a blood bag so hard, she thought it might pop.

When she turned back around, Shownu waited with soft eyes and damp hair, towel tied hastily at his hip, looking as real as anything she’d ever known, but she didn’t know him—not even a little.

“Who are you working for then, huh? Kai?” she demanded. Shownu’s lip coiled in disgust, and Amber felt every muscle inside tremble. “Chae?”

“I don’t work for him.”

Resentful tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “Right… because you don’t work for family, Hyunwoo.”

Shownu nodded grimly, and for the first time ever, Amber found it incredibly hard to look at him. His true name curled leaden on her tongue as she choked back a pitiful sob.

“The last brother has been right beside me the whole fucking time. Boy, am I a shit detective or what?” Her head knocked back against a cabinet door as her shoulders slumped. “Just a real failure on every level. Can’t find a single missing girl. Can’t pin the crime on the right culprit. Can’t even sniff out a goddamn vampire when he delivers my goddamn coffee. Wow.”

“Spiros—”

“You know, I’ve been wondering all this time how Hyungwon and his brothers were always ready for me. They knew when I went on a date, they knew when I was looking for them, they knew my every move. I thought maybe one of the officers had been hypnotized, and, once, I even thought it could be you, but you made me think— You made me— I trusted you. I let you in the way I let Eric in. Damnit, and I never even knew your real name, and you… you knew everything. Everything I was doing behind the scenes. Every parallel investigation. Every time I fucked one of your brothers, you knew, and you let me believe I had my own secrets. Fuck me, right?”

Amber laughed bitterly. What right did she even have to be angry? She’d betrayed him, too, only he’d known about it the whole time and had to swallow her lies with full knowledge. It might have been cruel if Shownu’s lies hadn’t been an even bigger betrayal. She’d let him in, but he’d never done the same. What did she even know about this man? He liked seatbelts, blood, and lying. The trust they’d built had been nothing more than a means to an end. She was nothing more than a means to an end.

“I take it this was one of your brother’s ideas,” needled Amber.

“Kihyun’s, yes. After he met you in Hyungwon’s interrogation, he knew there’d be trouble. You weren’t giving up, and Hyungwon refused to give you up. No matter what we said, no matter how wrong he knew it was, he wouldn’t listen to reason.”

Something about what her partner said made her mouth go dry. “Why? Why wouldn’t he listen?”

“I’m not Hyungwon. I can’t answer that,” the vampire said with a voice as dead as he was. “I had my orders, and I followed them. I had to convince my lieutenant to loan me out as a resource to Central.”

“Did you hypnotize Lucas, too?”

“Didn’t need to.”

It stung even more knowing Lucas had just let this usurper walk right into Eric’s seat without a second thought.

“You gonna try and tell me Kihyun didn’t send you here just to throw me off your brother’s scent?” Amber demanded.

“No, I’m not going to tell you that.”

Amber pursed her lips. “What about Kai? Is he another diversion, too?”

“No,” Shownu insisted as he hung his head. “No, he’s very real.”

“But the big bad vampire supervillain isn’t the reason why you do what you do, is it, Detective Son? I'm sure you got into police work for the truth and justice, not to cover up your family’s crimes?”

“Maybe it was to protect the family at first,” he admitted, head still low, “but we've evolved. Now, I do it as much to protect others as my family, same as you did for your sister.”

Amber jammed a finger in Shownu’s face and roared, “Don’t you dare bring her into your bullshit! You don’t care about the missing—Hyungwon told me that much. This is more fucking pageantry for you, so you keep looking like the good little Boy Scout and climbing the ranks. Next thing I know, you’ll be police chief, and you can cherry-pick your cases and bury the others. It’s Kihyun’s dream.”

“Maybe, but it’s not mine.”

She laughed. “It’s cute how half of me wants to believe you and the other half wants to shoot you with a silver bullet. How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you known who’s been taking these women?”

“Don’t do this...”

“How long, Son!” Amber screamed.

After a long exhale, he admitted, “For sure? Since the night you went to Empusa, though we suspected much, much earlier.”

“You were there?” she asked, her voice brittle.

“I followed you to protect you, Spiros. I trust my brothers but no one else, and you were going into the lion’s den. I didn’t know if you would find Hyungwon or Kihyun before someone else got to you. They wouldn’t understand how important you are.”

“I don’t understand how important I am! No one will tell me. You speak in your stupid riddles and let me fumble through the dark like an idiot, but you expect me to just trust that you have my best interest at heart? What kind of game is that?”

Shownu’s brow furrowed as he paced the living room floor. “It’s not a game. You’re too important to go wandering into a vampire club unprotected. As soon as I saw you with Kihyun, I knew I could leave, but then he caught my attention and nodded for me to follow those guys who harassed you.”

“The ones from the stairs?” Amber asked. “Kihyun said they were nobodies.”

Shownu shook his head. “Yeah, well, they’re aiming to be somebody, and they’re hungrier than ever to do it. I followed them back to their boss’s office and listened in. They knew about you. I guess Kai has been recruiting allies, and they saw their chance to move up the ranks.”

“So Kai’s vampire royalty?”

“He thinks so. He’s old, older than Hyungwon, older even than Seunghyun, and the older he gets, the more unhinged he is.”

“You’re vampires, you don’t give a shit about human laws or morality anymore. Why don’t you just kill him?”

“There are some laws that are so old and so bound by ancient magic that they cannot be broken, not by us, not by Kai,” Shownu said. “A vampire cannot kill another vampire without consequence.”

Shownu sank onto the sofa, his stomach lengthening as he leaned back. The slit in his towel parted over his thigh, and despite all the vitriol she’d been spewing, Amber had the irrational urge to sit on his lap as she listened.

The mystery in his words transfixed her, and eventually, anger gave way to curiosity. “What kind of consequence?”

He shrugged. “Every one is unique. For some, blood will taste like sand and never satisfy. For others, reality distorts—past becomes present, present becomes future, future becomes past, all within a matter of seconds. Others mutate into nightmare creatures with lesions and crippled wings and cloven hooves. Some lose the ability to feel anything, inside or out—no pain or lust or hunger. Imagine living eternity like that. Death seems inconsequential then. It’s enough to ward off even the most desperate revenge-seekers.”

“Jesus,” she whispered.

“There are eternal prisons for the truly deranged, but Kai is careful. For all his hunger, he treads the line between a danger to himself, which nobody worries about, and a danger to our kind, which would force our hands, but even when he crosses the line, it’s not enough to send the Council after him.”

Amber snorted. “Of course there’s a council.”

“There is. It’s ancient and sacred, and its authority is unquestionable, but over the centuries, Kai’s made blood pacts with the most vicious and ambitious of our kind. He has an army at his back, waiting to do his bidding. Like a spider, his web extends far and wide. The Council knows that, too.”

Amber pictures that shadow at the top of her cliff, silver strands stretched all around him, and she realized, for all her questing, she hadn’t moved an inch—she was the fly in his cocoon waiting for him to consume her.

“What would Kai want with all those women then?”

“Nothing,” Shownu said evenly. “He wants you. They’re just bait.”

The anger was back now, blacker and grimmer than ever, roiling in the depths of her soul. “Why would he want me? What am I to an ancient vampire?”

Her partner’s gaze fell to his lap, where his hands tightened over his thighs as he mumbled, “I can’t answer that.”

Amber picked up the closest blood bag and launched it at the wall. The cap snapped off, spurting congealed globs of blood across the window and sill before burbling to the floor. Shownu shot up, but she was ready for him, her finger leveled as fiercely as a gun at him.

“No, you won’t answer that,” she seethed. “I can’t fucking stand this. Even now that I know who you are and how you’ve been backstabbing me this whole time, you’re still keeping things from me.”

“We’re not backstabbing you!” Shownu volleyed back with more passion than she’d ever seen from him. “We’re protecting you. Can’t you see that?”

“No, I can’t! How have you protected me, hm? What do I have left? You and your family of make-believe white knights?”

“It’s better than the alternative,” he asserted.

Still reverberating with Shownu’s words, Amber leaned against the dining table, her eyes falling to the casefiles of many of the Runaways. “What does your family have to do with them then, huh—with me? You’re just here to keep Kai’s toys from him?”

Even across the room, she could hear his knuckles crack. “Kihyun was a fool to give you that name. He was the one in charge of guarding it.”

“We’re the police, Son. We’re the ones who need to know.”

But her fellow detective shook his head adamantly. “Everyone who gets tangled up with Kai regrets it—everyone. Especially us.”

“Your family? Why? Tell me why,” Amber begged, so desperate she felt tears welling behind her eyes.

Shownu went as still as a corpse, the supernatural life draining from his face until it hollowed before her eyes. He didn’t answer, but that only made Amber more frantic for it.

“Did Kai—did he—is he— He’s responsible for what happened to my sister, isn’t he?”

Shownu swallowed, his strong Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yes.”

Amber knew the answer—she’d known it all along—but there was a difference between knowing a thing and validating it, and her knees buckled.

“How do you know that?” she mumbled from the shelter of her arms. “Tell me the truth, Shownu—Hyunwoo—whatever the fuck your name is. How do you know?”

The room pulsed around them, as alive as Amber’s racing heart.

“We were there,” he admitted quietly.

The pulsing gave way to nothingness, as though they were no longer in a room but floating somewhere outside of space and time. There was nothing but Shownu, Amber, and the truth between them.

“You were there? Did you—did you kill her?” she whispered.

“Of course not!” he thundered as he knocked the casefiles off the table. “We never wanted anyone to get hurt. We didn’t know. We only did what we were told.”

Amber rose slowly, her eyes trained on the betrayer before her. “And what were you told, Son?”

Shownu stopped pacing and, despite the fire in her eyes, faced Amber. “Kai gave us a kind of roadmap to find someone he was looking for. We weren’t told why or who. We were just told to follow the map, find the human, and bring her to him.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” he echoed. “Kai’s older than any of us and infinitely more powerful. You answer his call or there are consequences.”

“More consequences?” Amber mocked. “What is it this time, huh? No blood for a month and stay in your coffin?”

“It’s not a joke,” Shownu said sternly.

“Christ, I know it’s not a joke, Son. My sister is dead. She’s dead. My twin. Half of me,” she raged, beating her chest, “dead. But a vampire murdered her, and now you’re telling me you and your family had a hand in it.”

His eyes closed. “Yes.”

He was supposed to say no. He was supposed to tell her they had nothing to do with it. Amber wanted—needed—him to. But he didn’t. Now, Shownu stared with honesty in his eyes and shame anchoring his face.

She felt the same shame anchoring her heart, too. She had slept with her sister’s killers. How could she ever live with herself knowing she’d given herself over to the very men responsible for taking everything away from her and, more damningly, that she’d loved each and every time? Even now, despite the rawness of reality grating her very skin, she felt that pull to the man in front of her, and it had nothing to do with all the freshly scrubbed skin Shownu was showing. She was supposed to hate him, but how could she when he looked so vulnerable pared down to his naked truth?

With eyes soft as dahlia petals, he begged her to understand.

“The roadmap—” Amber began awkwardly, fighting to stay resilient, “what was it?”

“Vague, filled with more riddles and loose time frames and yet only a small window of time to find the person at the end.”

“Riddles like what?”

When Shownu closed his eyes this time, they were heavy like drapes, and they made his whole head sag. “It was years ago, and we’ve fought to block it out.”

“Please,” Amber asked softly. “I need to know.”

He let out a shaky breath and said, “I don’t remember everything, but I remember ‘between the black blood river and the blue moon’ and ‘a house that rattles with the banshee’s cry.’ We took those as directions.”

It was easy enough for Amber to tumble back through time to her childhood home in Northwest Portland. A handful of blocks up from the Willamette and just around the corner from the popular Blue Moon Tavern, their aging Craftsman had darkened under the constant belch of smoke from the shipyards, and its paper-thin walls rang with the cries of the train horns from the rail station where her father worked. It was gone now, just like everything else from her life before, but its stain lingered.

“We did the best with what we could,” Shownu added.

Amber couldn’t even fault him for his assumption, not when those words had just as easily taken her home. Quietly, she asked, “Where did Kai get this roadmap?”

“I don’t know,” Shownu said, “and we weren’t allowed to ask questions.”

It was easier to talk to her partner when he wasn’t looking at her, easier to stay angry, too, so Amber turned her back on him. “But it led you to my sister.”

“It did. We staked out the neighborhood for weeks, looking for someone who might fit some of the other riddles—‘hair of rosewood, skin of butter, honey in her veins.’”

“Honey…” Amber swallowed hard. “Did my sister smell like honey, too?”

“Not like you, but yes. It was muddied, but it was there. We never saw you. If we had—” Shownu shuddered.

“How did you—” The detective’s voice broke again, but she summoned what strength she had left to pull herself back together. “How did you lure her out?”

Shownu writhed, pacing and twitching like a different man all together. His breaths, however superfluous, grew noisier with every step. “Hyungwon did it. He bumped into her outside a pharmacy and asked her to dinner. She didn’t say yes at first, but he convinced her.”

Amber understood the implication immediately, and it rocked her to her core. “He hypnotized my sister? How? She’s my twin. That shouldn’t have worked.”

Shownu said nothing, which only made it feel heavier.

“And once she showed up to this date,” Amber said scathingly, “what did you do to her?”

“Nothing. We didn’t show. We gave the time and place to Kai, and what happened after that, we were barred from knowing. The next night, we were summoned to the woods, but by the time we got there, your sister was already on the ground, and he was reciting that—that poem, the one from the Han crime scene.”

“What?” the detective gasped. “The ‘one divided by two’ thing?”

“Yes. He thought it meant if he—” Shownu stopped himself and tore his gaze away, more shame oozing with every muscle twitch. More quietly, he continued, “He thought if he cut her in half, whatever he was looking for would appear.”

Horror stung the corners of Amber’s eyes. She’d never felt so cold, so dead inside. “Like a human matryoshka doll? Like a Happy Meal with a prize inside? What?”

“I don’t know,” Shownu insisted, his voice suddenly breaking, “but whatever it is, it wasn’t there, and Kai realized it was never going to be. We’d gotten it wrong, and he knew it. As penance for our mistake, he ordered us to keep looking until we found the One, no matter how many humans we had to go through.

“We thought about skipping town, but that meant leaving Portland to Kai’s goons. We couldn’t do that either, so we stayed. Seunghyun left with Kai to seek another answer to the riddle, but that was just for show. He went to undermine anything Kai might find, but even though Kai is back newly devoted to his mission, Seunghyun never returned. We haven’t heard anything from him in months.”

“You think he’s dead?” Amber asked.

Shownu shrugged. “I don’t know. If Kai had done it, he would have been punished, but he could have ordered someone else to do it. His followers are zealots. They’ll do whatever he says, no matter the cost to themselves.”

“What about you and your brothers then? In the meantime, you’ve just been handing over these girls to his little minions?”

Her partner collapsed back onto the couch. “No, never. In the past, we’d propose names that fit some of the criteria so it looked like we were making progress, but then we’d immediately rule them out. After a while, we didn’t hear anything more from Kai or his recruits. We figured they’d figured out they were looking in the wrong place or maybe they’d even found who they were looking for. We didn’t know—”

“What?” demanded Amber, closing the distance between them and dropping to her knees. Her hands gripped the armrest as her eyes burrowed into his profile. “What didn’t you know?”

“We didn’t know our lies had been found out.” Shownu’s grip tightened on his knees, and his voice cracked again. “The missing girls—they’re not random. They’re all the wrong names we ever suggested. Even though Kai knows they’re not the one he’s looking for, he’s taken them. It’s all our fault—all of it. We tried to play him, and now everyone has to suffer for our deceit. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The revelation thundered through the apartment. Amber had been right all along—she’d felt deep in her gut that Chae and his brothers had something to do with the missing, and even if they hadn’t taken any of them, they’d signed those girls’ execution warrants. She thought about slapping Shownu, maybe shaking him so hard he got whiplash—whatever she could to knock some sense into a senseless situation—but it wouldn’t change anything. Not their fates and not the wound in her heart.

“How didn’t you realize this immediately?” she whimpered.

At last, Shownu braved her gaze. “Why do you think I demanded the Jessica Ho investigation? We hoped it was just a coincidence, but then more and more girls went missing. We tried to get a message to Kai, but his minions said he wasn’t here and it wasn’t them.”

“You didn’t question him?”

“You don’t understand. We didn’t know he was back. Seunghyun hadn’t called to warn us nor did he come home, so we thought they were telling the truth. Kai’s a ghost when he wants to be. He makes himself known only when he wants to see you. There’s no evidence except the evidence he wants you to see. Why do you think everything comes back to my family over and over again? The law will never catch him. Never.”

The last word dangled like a miserable piñata, and Amber had the urge to obliterate every piece of it.

“So, just let him have his way, huh?”

“No! That’s not what I’m saying. Damnit… I wish I were better with words…” Shownu ran a hand through his damp hair before he added, “We have to find a way to stop him that doesn’t end in death or a curse.”

“Have you tried putting him in a timeout?” she quipped bitterly, but her partner was too consumed to catch her sarcasm.

“We’ve tried to reason with him, but you can’t reason with divine purpose. Kai believes he’s been chosen for a higher cause. He believes he’s a god amongst vampires.”

“That’s insane!”

“Of course it is, and that’s what makes everything feel so hopeless,” Shownu continued, looking every bit the tortured soul he was. “It’s tearing me apart knowing he’s using innocent women as pawns, and it’s all my fault and there’s no way I can make it right.”

“You could have tipped off the police!” Amber asserted with a slap of her hand on the counter. It rang as solemnly as a death toll.

Shownu glowered at her. “You think that matters to Kai? He’s already waltzed into your precinct and right back out with our witness and our officer.”

The blow was too strong, and Amber’s shoulders caved under the weight of reality. Her head sank, but still she managed, “What about hypnotizing the girls to convince them to leave before he got to them? You could have tried that.”

“We did with those we could reach in time. Hopefully, a few of those Runaways are actual runaways, but then Kai just started taking people who mattered to you.”

“Chloe,” Amber whispered heavily. “Minzy… Bom…”

Shownu nodded. “Yes. He’ll do whatever it takes to further his own dark destiny.”

Amber paced the kitchen, her hands forked in her hair hoping to steady her spinning brain. “What’s this bullshit about destiny anyway?”

“His destiny,” her partner clarified. “It’s what Kai thinks a god like him should have.”

“Which is?”

“Everything,” Shownu answered matter-of-factly.

“And what about me, huh?” Amber wondered. “Where do I fit into all of this?”

For a couple minutes, Shownu avoided answering. He ran his hands up and down his thighs. He flexed his jaw. He cracked his neck. He didn’t look at her or maybe he simply couldn’t. With a slow, steady voice, at last, he said, “Even though we were all sure your sister was the one Kai was looking for, we were wrong. Everything pointed to it being her—the map, the riddles—and when it wasn’t, my brothers and I were glad. It was done. It was supposed to be done. If the window closed and Kai couldn’t find who he was looking for, it was better for the world. We didn’t know she had a twin. We didn’t know anything.”

Amber stared out at the glimmering mirage of Portland in the valley below. It all felt impossibly faraway now and more foreign than Antarctica. Every time she thought like she had found some footing, it was gone with a landslide of new discoveries, each one more violent than the next. She touched the glass, expecting it to be as cold as she felt inside, but instead, the humid warmth of the evening pressed against it, begging to be let in.

“When did you know?” she whispered. “About Delphine, when did you know who she was to me?”

“Hyungwon recognized your face the moment you two met. At first, he thought it was some kind of glamor or trick by Kai’s followers to remind us our assignment was unfinished. Kai’s done that before, sent his emissaries to ensure our allegiance through our guilt. It’s not hard when you feel as guilty as we do.”

“So Kai already knew who I was?”

“I have no doubt,” Shownu said. “After the interrogation, though, Hyungwon knew you were more than an illusion; you were more than the ghost of a girl who’d been resurrected to torment us. We had a family meeting to decide what to do, but we couldn’t agree. Some wanted to cut and run, others wanted to appeal to the Council or track down Seunghyun. Hyungwon refused to let you go though, no matter what any of us said. Kihyun was more worried than anyone, especially since he saw first-hand what happened in that interrogation room.”

Amber had been still the whole confession, frozen as much by Shownu’s voice as the truth, but her voice found its way out somehow. “What happened?”

“The pull. The connection.”

Softer now: “What connection?”

“You know,” Shownu said as his eyes met hers.

Amber’s skin tingled and her chest tightened.

At last, her partner continued, “It didn’t matter though. If we moved back, you pushed toward us. It was my job to steer you away from us—from danger—and God knows I tried, but you’re unstoppable, Spiros. And one after the other, you stumbled into my brothers’ paths, and then, thanks to one of Kai’s cronies, you found out what we are, and we couldn’t undo the damage. Best we could hope for was that it would scare you away, but it made you more insatiable for the truth and my brothers more obsessed with you. You and your pull were more powerful than all of us combined, but it wasn’t until Hyungwon talked to Nam that he knew why.”

“Talked to…” murmured Amber in disbelief. “Compelled, you mean.”

Shownu nodded. “Yes. We knew you were important, but no one knew how important until we learned about your sister. Everything changed. You weren’t just an irresistible mystery anymore—you were our responsibility. In that moment, we knew we had to protect you like we didn’t for your sister, like we couldn’t for those girls.”

“Because Delphine’s fate is also my fate?”

“No, it’s not…”

“It’s something worse,” Amber finished. “But why me? What makes me different?”

Shownu didn’t respond, and she knew two things at once: that it was all true and that he wouldn’t say another thing about it. She couldn’t decide which was more devastating.

Seconds later, her hunch was confirmed when he said, “I’ve told you all I can tell you.”

“It’s not enough!” Amber protested. “If Kai thinks I’m the one he’s been looking for this whole time, he’s not going to stop until he gets me. I need to know so I can be prepared.”

“No,” Shownu said immediately, a near carbon-copy of his brothers’ stubbornness. “The further away you are from Kai, the better.”

“Look how that’s worked out for me,” she scoffed. “Eric is in the hospital, Son. He almost died.”

“And you think it would have made a difference if you’d told him? It wouldn’t. It would have made things worse.”

Shownu gripped her shoulders, and even though it was already borderline painful, she could sense he was holding back. “We’re going to find a way to stop Kai before he can sink his claws into you, but you have to let us do that. If he knows you know about him, he won’t play his petty mind games anymore—he’ll come for you outright, and we won’t be able to stop him yet.”

A tear slipped down Amber’s cheek. “I can’t believe what you’re saying. Now, you’re offering up those women you tried to save? You’re letting them die, Son!”

“Kai can’t have you,” Shownu declared in something deeper and darker than a snarl, and it rumbled like an earthquake inside her.

Amber’s heavy breaths stabbed the air. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to act like you care when you don’t.”

“That’s not true—”

“If you and your brothers cared, you would have come forward. You never did. My sister’s case is still unsolved!”

Shownu hung his head before he could face his partner again. When their eyes met this time, there wasn’t just sorrow but despair. He looked so hopeless that Amber nearly embraced him.

“I’m truly sorry about that,” he began, “I am, but how could we? What could we possibly say that the Bureau would believe? We were there; you really think they would believe we had nothing to do with it?”

“You could have called from a pay phone. You could have left an anonymous tip. You could have written a goddamn letter! Christ, you’re an officer, Son—leave a fucking note at the front desk. It doesn’t matter. You kept it to yourselves because that’s what you bloodsuckers do, isn’t it? Keep to yourselves. Never mind the living and their fucking problems, right?”

“Spiros—”

But hurt won out over pity, and Amber slammed her hands against the counter again. “My parents died of broken hearts. It destroyed me. Not knowing what happened to my twin sister is the worst thing I could imagine—the worst thing! Maybe if I knew what had happened to Della, my life wouldn't be such a fucked-up mess. Maybe I wouldn't have fucked five vampires who were just as responsible for destroying my world as the man who killed my sister. Do you even remember what it’s like to be alive? To have a heart that beats for something? To love someone more than you love yourself?”

His voice was as heavy as her eyes as he whispered, “I do.”

“Then you should feel an ounce of the torment that I do every day. Where’s your goddamn compassion for all these girls’ families? And you call yourself a police detective…”

“Why do you think I do this job, huh? Choking on the smell of all that spilt, rotten blood? Why do you think I volunteer as a lifeguard in the blazing summer sun? Why do you think I work so hard to push you away?” he spat. “Penance. Decades of it.”

“You’re a masochist?” she marveled.

Shownu scoffed. “A masochist loves the pain he inflicts on himself. There’s nothing to love about me.”

Amber could feel the depth of his self-loathing as powerfully as a swamp beneath her, sucking her down deeper and deeper. Every ounce of anger she had directed at him all night vanished at the sheer force of his sincerity. Shownu was just as broken as she was, and she wanted so badly to fix him the way she’d never been able to fix herself. It didn’t make sense. She was supposed to hate him, but how could she when he’d lived with his own failings for longer than she ever had—when he’d have to live with them forever.

“I hate everything I am,” he continued softly. “I hate everything I’ve done, even now. It's why I can't live at home. I can’t see my brothers without remembering all the terrible things we’ve done together. I know what I am, what I’ve done, and what I’ll always have to do. I’ll always be this weak. I hate how weak I am at the smell of fresh blood, and I hate even more how weak I am at the smell of you. You remind me of everything I hate about myself.”

Amber couldn’t breathe. The room was too small. The air was too thin. Her heart was too fast.

“Why?” she stammered.

Shownu took a step closer. “Because you're the one thing a monster like me can never allow himself to have.”

“Why not? Your brothers have,” she spat bitterly, hating her own weaknesses as much as Shownu hated his.

“It’s not about sex, Amber. It never has been, not for any of us. Don’t you see that?” Another step closer. “Don’t you feel it?”

Shownu was perilously close now. Every muscle in his neck flexed as his head dipped toward her.

“Then what is it about?” she rasped as his mouth hovered just above her.

“You. Everything is about you. Just you.”

And with that, Amber closed the last of the distance between them.

#monsta x smut #novel #succumbing to sybaris #original character #shownu #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #jooheon #changkyun #lucas #nct #eric nam #Detective AU #vampire au #1990s #reverse harem #WE GO HARD YO #enemies to lovers

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kayla-crazy-stuffs · 3 years

Text

G/T prompts

Should I make some prompts with this? (Don't be shy to ask, the ask box is always open)

1. “You’re - uh - you’re... big/small...”

2. “Stop looking at me like that.”

3. “It’s ok... I’m here now.”

4. “I would never hurt you.”

5. “CAREFUL!”

6. “How many times do I need to tell you before you believe it?”

7. “Look at them, just standing there... being all tall and stupid.”

8. “Just get rid of them!”

9. “I’m not going to leave.”

10. “You’re about as intimidating as a teddy bear, but sure - whatever you say.”

11. “Usually, before you speak, people do this cool thing called thinking!”

12. “Tiny ears! Remember?!”

13. “What if I didn’t catch you?!”

14. “Fine! Leave! See if I care!”

15. “Shh, don’t wake them, god knows they needs her sleep.”

16. “You’re tiny! Who knows what that much drink will do?”

17. “Ugh, you’re squishing me!”

18. “Stop pretending to be asleep!”

19. “I’m exhausted.”

20. “I’m not above sticking you in a jar.”

21. “Well, aren’t you fascinating.”

22. “Hold on!”

23. “You’re gonna be ok, I promise.”

24. “Ow! Quit grabbing my hair.” “Quit jostling your shoulder so much then!”

25. “It’s just... I’m not a pet.”

26. “I’m not that scary, am I?”

27. “Is that what I look like to you?”

28. “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”

29. “Would you rather be huge or tiny?”

30. “This is normal! Maybe not to you but it is to me!”

31. “Stop running!”

32. “Hey! What did we say about the teeth?!”

33. “What are you hiding behind your back?” “... no one- uh - nothing...”

34. “Sorry you had to see that.”

35. “Did they fall asleep in your hand?”

36. “What do you want me to do about it? I’m three inches tall.”

37. “Oh, you don’t fit? Shame.”

38. “I shouldn’t have shouted.”

39. “You’re gonna fall!”

40. “I didn’t know they were actually afraid of me...”

41. “I’m... I’m stuck.”

42. “You could ask!?”

43. “It’s just a hand.”

44. “You’re very brave.”

45. “Shhh... just sleep... you’re safe.”

46. “You’re... too... heavy!”

47. “Your hand is comfy.”

48. *screams very loudly for basically no reason*

49. Don’t touch them!”

50. “No one is ever going to hurt you again.”

Please send me some

@lxtmelive-gt

#g/t #g/t prompts #prompts #reblog

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vidalinav · 3 years

Text

Noting Cassian’s perspective on Nesta/others when they arise-every instance in acosf

This is more thorough... than that small post. I’ll never do this again, and you can thank the ritalin for this one. Let’s see what to make of it at the end of the day. Is Cassian a simp or does he simp more for others? Time to find out.

Chapter 1: Cassian’s POV pg 7-12 (5 pages, chapter is 18 pages).

“She looked like hell.” (8)

“She hadn’t looked this bad.” (9)

“Her beautiful face was pale, far thinner than it had been before the war with Hybern, her lips bloodless, and those eyes... Cold and sharp, like a winter morning in the mountains.” (9).

“Nesta cocked her head... on her, it was the warning of a predator, sizing up prey.” (10).

“... long bare legs, an elegant sweep of hips, tapered waist--too damn thin—and full, inviting breasts that were at odds with the new sharp angles of her body.” (10).

“‘You look like you could use a few big meals, a bath, and some real clothes.’” (11).

“And now that she was high fae, all inherent dominance and aggression--and piss poor attitude--he avoided her as much as possible.” (11).

“Cassian knew better than to make himself vulnerable to another predator.” (12).

Chapter 2: Cassian’s POV 25-31 to the end of 36 (7 pages of 12) (Total: 12/30-not including prologue)

“Cassian had no doubt Feyre could defend herself against an opponent, even if Nesta launched that terrible power of hers. And he hated that he didn’t know if Nesta would sink low enough to do it. That things had become so bad that he even considered the possibility.” (26).

“The eldest of the Archeron sisters had a talent for getting under everyone’s skin.” (26).

“He’s never stop being grateful for it: for the High Lady mere feet from him, who had saved them all from Amarantha’s rule...” (27).

Chapter 3: Cassian’s POV 37-45 to the end of 51 (9 pages of 15) (Total: 21/45)

“Cassian’s High Lady had a way of capturing the world that always made him pause.” (38).

“’You need to get out in the practice right more, brother,’ Cassian told him, surveying his friend’s powerful body.” (41) --I had to include this because I think it’s hilarious for Cassian to note. I’m telling you; he has a thing for Rhys.

“Mor’s waist-length gold hair smelled of cold seas... Cassian pulled away to scan her beautiful face, as familiar to him as his own.” (44).

Chapter 4: Cassian’s POV 52-58 and 60-62. Ends at 62 (10 pages of 11) (Total: 31/56)

About Mor: “...smiling to himself at the sight of her: head tipped toward the sun, unbound hair gleaming and rippling around her like liquid gold, her full lips curled upward, basking in the light.” (52).

“Mor grinned, so beautiful it took his breath away.” (53).

“He again let himself admire her perfect face.” (54).

“... Cassian had quelled any further desire for Mor. Had let lust turn into affection, and all romantic feelings turn into familial bonds. But he could still admire her sheer beauty—as he’d admire any work of art. Even though he knew well that what lay inside Mor was far more lovely and perfect than her exterior.” (54).

“Mor opened an eye, then slowly sat forward, hair falling around her like a rippling golden river.” (56).

About Jurian: “Cassian still didn’t like the man.” (57).

Chapter 5: Cassian’s POV 67-70 ends at 73 (3 pages of 11) (Total: 34/67)

“Those pants were going to kill him.” (67).

Those pants: “Brutally, thoroughly kill him.” (67).

“Every word, every language he knew had vanished at the sight of her striding past, straight-backed and unhurried as any noble lady presiding over her household... How it made every thought beyond the most primal eddy out of his mind.” (67).

“...Without descending into thoughts of peeling those pants off of her and worshipping every inch of that spectacular backside.” --they can say cock/cunt/fuck in this book but not ass. Smh.

“Nesta emerged, her braided hair now coiled across the crown of her head like a woven tiara. He made a point not to look beneath her neck. At the body left on display. She needed to gain back the weight she’d lost, and pack on some muscle, but... those fucking leathers.” (69). AHAHSHUHASUHdsuh

Chapter 6: Cassian’s POV (0 pages of 7) (Total: 34/74)

Chapter 7: Cassian’s POV 81-94 (14 pages of 14) (Total: 48/88)

“Feyre had told him that they called themselves the Band of Exiles. Cassian snorted to himself.” (81).

“Lucien’s scarred, handsome face appeared, his golden eye whirring.” (82).

“Eris lounged in a golden chair, legs crossed, his pale face the portrait of courtly arrogance... blinding rage at the sight of him.” (83).

“He noted and half-dismissed the two humans in the room.” (82).

About Vassa: “Of the three redheaded people in this room, Cassian liked her coloring the best: the golden hue of her skin, the large, up-tilted blue eyes framed by dark lashes and brows, and the silken red hair, which she’d cut to her shoulders since he’d last seen her.” (84).

About himself: “He’d revealed too much. Like a stupid brute, he’d let them all see too much, learn too much.” (89).

About himself: “Fool, he cursed himself. Stupid, useless fool.” (94.)

Chapter 8: Cassian’s POV 97-100 and 102-106 (9 pages of 12) (Total: 57/100)

“When she didn’t answer, he turned to find Nesta standing in front of the hearth, arms tightly crossed, the flickering light dancing In her beautiful hair.” (106).

Chapter 9: Cassian’s POV (0 pages of 9) (Total: 57/109)

Chapter 10: Cassian’s POV (0 pages of 7) (Total: 57/116)

Chapter 11: Cassian’s POV (3 pages of 9) (Total: 60/125)

About Feyre: “His High Lady looked so young--he always forgot how young she truly was, considering what she’d already faced and achieved in her life... At twenty-one, Feyre had saved their world, mated, and found true happiness.” (130).

Chapter 12: Cassian’s POV 134-137 and 143-144 (6 pages of 12) (Total: 66/137)

“There was nowhere to plant that beautiful ass here.” (134).

“She’d done well. Really damn well.” (143).

“Nesta remained prone, limbs loose, eyes closed, the sunlight making her hair, her sweaty skin shine. He couldn’t stop the image from rising: of her lying in his bed like this, sated, her body limp with pleasure.”(143).

“Her skin was rosy in a way he hadn’t seen for a long, long time, her eyes bright.” (143).

Chapter 13: Cassian’s POV (0 pages of 12) (Total: 66/149)

Chapter 14: Cassian’s POV 157-158 and 161-166 (8 pages of 11) (Total: 74/160)

About Tamlin: “Bastard.” (157).

“‘He did,’ Rhys said, dark hair ruffled by a soft, sighing breeze. As if the wind loved to touch him.” (162).-- Is this not such a weird way describe Rhys? Promise Cassian’s bi.

Chapter 15: Cassian’s POV (0 pages of 17) (Total: 74/177)

Chapter 16: Cassian’s POV (2 pages of 11) (Total: 76/188)

Nothing to note from his pov about Nesta or anyone else, mostly smut development/training. More action than thought.

#Let's see if he's got the chops #the gams #cassian #casserole #nessian #nesta archeron

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

New Angel - Chapter 17

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7 ☆ chapter 8 ☆ chapter 9 ☆ chapter 10 ☆ chapter 11 ☆ chapter 12 ☆ chapter 13 ☆ chapter 14 ☆ chapter 15 ☆ chapter 16

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

As soon as I entered the bar, the smell of cigarettes invaded my nose. I raised it up slightly and tried to follow Millie through the mob of people already gathered near the scene. A few more were sitting at tables with a drink and I let my eyes roam around quickly until I felt a hand reach for mine. Millie squeezed my fingers and pulled on my hand gently. I was not really sure if it was so I would walk quicker or if she was just scared we'd lose each other but I squeezed her fingers back, apologizing as I pushed people on my way.

We ended up in front of the scene and I glanced back to see if anyone was pissed at us for stealing their spot until the lights turned down and everyone started screaming. Three guys appeared on stage and immediately started playing. One of them sent a smile to my best friend, greeting her with a small chin movement and a wink, and she smiled back, waving slightly.

When Millie proposed that we'd go see one of her friends' band play tonight, I didn't expect it to be in some unknown bar with a bunch of drunk losers but the atmosphere was nice and after the third song, I realized that I actually enjoyed the music even if it was not the type I normally listen to.

Millie was jumping around, dancing pretty much in the same way she did in the living room of our apartment, and it made me smile. I watched her for a few minutes until she turned around and bent down slightly to grab one of my hands. Without thinking, I pulled on it and made her twirl around. I couldn't hear her laughter but I saw her laugh when she faced me again and she pulled on my arm, inciting me to join her. We danced for a few minutes before I actually started feeling at ease but I couldn't help it and from time to time, I made her twirl around just to see her smile grown every single time.

I don't know how many songs they played or for how long but when they finally left to stage, I was panting and exhausting but the smile plastering my face wouldn't leave. We walked to the bar and its only when Millie let go of my hand to lean her elbows on the counter that I realized we had been hand in hand the whole time, even as we walked up to order drinks. It didn't bother me. In fact, it felt quite nice to get some human contact, and I stared at my friend as she ordered some fancy drink.

"So, how did you like it?" Millie asked, raising her eyebrows.

I blinked a few times, getting out of my thoughts slowly and my lips curled again. "They're amazing! How do you know them?"

Her nose raised up in a grimace and she shrugged a shoulder. "I dated the guitarist."

"Oh." I just said, a bit surprised.

He didn't seem to be her type but I didn't comment anything and just ordered a beer.

"Yea, I know. But I really liked him." she explained with a shrug, looking away.

"You don't have tio justify yourself, Mill." I pointed out, reaching for her arm and squeezing it gently.

She turned to me and sent me a smile but I jumped slightly when someone actually touched me. I turned around meeting the brown eyes of a gorgeous brunette who was sending me a smile, her head slightly tilted.

"Hey, uhm, I was wondering if you wanted to buy me a drink?"

I felt Millie's arm slip away from my hand but I remained motionless as I stared at the girl smiling at me. I was already having problems deciding between two girls, adding a third one to the story, even if only for one night, was way too much to handle at the moment. Besides, I knew she was gorgeous but for some reason, I was not attracted much. Perhaps the fact that I was not over Grace yet and that I was sort of seeing Summer didn't help but it didn't matter.

"I'm sorry, maybe an other day."

The girl's smile faltered for half a second and she finally just shrugged. "You don't know what you're missing."

She turned around and left, pushing her hair off her shoulder and it made me chuckle and shake my head. Somehow, she reminded me of Grace and it annoyed me. Was she really like Grace or was I just too obsessed with my ex girlfriend, resulting in me seeing her literally everywhere?

"Wow, that was awkward." I pointed out with an amused smile, turning to Millie who just raised her eyebrows.

"Imagine for me."

I frowned and moved my head but just as I was about to ask her what she meant, that guy from the band (and her ex boyfriend) appeared. She turned to him, sending him a big smile, and threw herself in his arms. He held her tight, lifting her of a few inches for two or three seconds and finally put her back down. I had no idea why but he was annoying me but I was not going to mention it.

I followed them to a table and somehow, as I watched them interact, I realized that I barely knew anything about the old relationships Millie had had before Louis. I couldn't understand how I had not been interested in befriending this girl before and it was crazy to think we could have had this friendship years before if we had taken the time to talk.

Millie and Peter talked for half an hour and every time he made her laugh, I frowned and I was not sure why. It was a bit scary to think she could want to go back to this guy because of how badly Louis had hurt her and at the same time, I would understand if she wanted to throw herself into something new if only to forgot or try to move on. After all, I had started some sort of relationship with Summer even if I was clearly not ready to move on from Grace.

I got out of my thoughts and held my breath when I noticed Millie leaning her head against his shoulder and just quickly got up to get an other drink. I knew it was better if I gave them some space but when I walked back to the table, Millie was getting up. I frowned as she turned to me and sent me a smile and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Do you want to leave?"

"If it's okay with you."

I nodded and took a long sip of my beer before handing it to her. She smiled a bit and took it from my hand, swallowing what was left and leaving it on the table.

"Thank you."

"Of course, pet."

I was expecting her to complain about the nickname but she just walked past me and I followed her until we were out of the bar. We remained silent for a while as we walked to my car and after a while, I just licked my lips and glanced at her.

"Did something happen with Peter?" I asked softly, making her turn around and frown at me. "You seem... I don't know... sad."

Millie avoided my gaze and brought her shoulder up as she wrapped her arms around her waist. Without thinking, I took my hoodie off and handed it to her. She stopped walking and looked at the navy sweater in my hands before shaking her head slightly.

I didn't insist but let my arm fall down next to me with a sigh. "What's wrong, Mill?"

She sighed too but turned around to keep walking. It's only when we reached my car that she leaned her butt against it and closed her eyes. I took a step closer in an attempt to hide her from the cool wind and waited.

"That girl earlier, the one who flirted with you." she paused and licked her lips, keeping her eyes closed. "She knew someone like you would never date someone like me. It didn't even cross her mind that we could be together, even if we had danced together, even if we held hands and even if you were holding my arm when she arrived. She knew. And I know I normally don't give much attention to these things but... it hurt. This time, it really hurt."

"That girl was entitled and a bit stupid." I explained, moving closer and putting my hands on her shoulders. "That's probably why she flirted. I also know a few girls who really dont care if the guy is taken or not. To be quite honest, she most likely didn't even notice you! She was probably obsessed with how handsome I am."

"Oh shut up!" Millie laughed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Mill, anyone would be lucky to date you."

"Oh yea? So you'd date an average fat girl?"

My traits softened and in the way she had talked, I could hear all the pain she was feeling at the moment. It was crazy how I seemed to connect to Millie, probably because both our hearts were broken and we could understand each other.

"You know who I'd date? I'd date someone I love, someone I trust. I'd date someone who cares about me, and that I care about. Someone who listens to me, makes me laugh, someone empathic, kind... someone who helps me become a better person, a better version of myself. Someone I'm at ease with and feel safe around. Someone I connect with. It doesn't matter if that person is fat or skinny, tall or short, Blonde or brunette. It's not what matters."

Millie stared in my eyes for about a minute, nibbling on her bottom lip and finally licked it.

"Wow, I always thought you were shallow." she admitted in a very low tone, making me raise my eyebrows.

"What? Why?"

She raised her nose up, a bit embarrassed by her word and finally shrugged a shoulder. "Because of the type of girls you date."

"God I hate when you day that." I confessed, letting my hands slip on her arms and fall on each side of me. "I hate that you think I'm like that. When you mentioned it at the bar, it really hurt me, or annoyed me. Or both. That's why I picked Summer, because she was the complete opposite of the description you gave of my 'type'." I added, doing quotation marks with my fingers as I said the last word. "I don't want you to see me as a shallow man who cares only about the body or whatever."

"I don't see you like that." she whispered. My eyes met hers and my heart skipped a beat. "I mean, I used to, it's true. But in the past few weeks, I got to know you and... I love what I see, Niall. You're a good guy with a heart of gold. You're funny, smart, open-minded... And that thing you said about the person you'd date? That was deep, I love it."

Slowly, my lips curled on the right and I nodded. I suddenly felt lighter, knowing that Millie didn't see me as a horrible and shallow person anymore.

"I was wrong about you, Niall."

"Yea, I was wrong about you too."

Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her closer. I felt her hands on my back and leaned my cheek against her head for a while before finally pulling away and bending down slightly to look in her eyes.

"Ready to go home?"

"Fuck yes." she chuckled, nodding frenetically. "I need my sweatpants and a warm tea!"

"You can still put my hoodie on, you know." I proposed with a smile as I walked around the car.

"I told you, Niall, your clothes don't fit me."

I lost my smile, not knowing what to answer, and finally just opened the door to sit behind the wheel. When we walked back home, Millie walked to her room and I walked to mine, putting sweatpants and a t-shirt on before searching through my drawers. I walked back to the living room, seeing my friend already sitting on the couch wearing pretty much the same outfit as me. I sat next to her and handed her an other hoodie, making her frown.

"Please, try it on."

Her gaze moved from the hoodie to my eyes, then back at the hoodie. She licked her lips nervously and finally grabbed it and put it on very quickly. A big smile drew itself on my lips when she raised her eyebrows, staring at the front of the shirt she was now wearing.

"Perfect." I pointed out in a low tone. Her head moved up quickly and her eyes met mine before I leaned against the couch, still looking at her. "It's yours, now."

I watched her traits soften and her expression change into a loving one. She tilted her head again and brought her shoulders closer to her cheeks as she nibbled on her bottom lip some more. "Thanks, Niall."

"You're totally welcome."

I placed my arm on my thigh, palm up and fingers spread. A bigger smile appeared on her lips and she placed her hand in mine before we intertwined our fingers together. I started the next episode of a new tv show we were watching together and smiled more when I felt her head on my shoulder.

I thought about Grace suddenly, and then about Summer. It made me realize we hadn't talked about them or about Louis at all on that evening, and that the lists we were supposed to fill were totally forgotten but somehow, it made me feel good. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to feel nervous about the fact that I was supposed to pick the girl I wanted to be with in less than three days.

I also felt like Millie was happier when we didn't mention Louis and I just hoped he wouldn't show up while we were watching tv together, knowing it would literally ruin Millie's night.

We would probably fill the lists on the next day and I found comfort in the thought of sharing that with Millie. I don't know what I'd do if I'd have to go through all of this by myself.

After a while, I felt Millie's head heavier on my shoulder and noticed that her breathing had slowed down. I looked at her, trying not to move too much to make sure I wouldn't wake her up, and noticed she was asleep, her lips slightly parted. I don't know how long I stayed motionless with Millie sleeping against me but eventually I fell asleep too, realizing I hadn't felt that light and happy in a very long time.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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bigfatbob4you · 3 years

Text

Ask A Feedee!

1. Do you have a goal weight?

No; for me, it’s not about numbers but about how I look and how I carry it. That said, it’s nice sometimes to set a goal and achieve it – sort of like a mini-progress report.

2. Do you have a weight limit?

I’ll tell you when we get there. So far, no, but I’d like to remain able to move around. Immobility is a fun fantasy, but the emphasis there is on fantasy.

3. Where do you jiggle most?

Right now, it’s probably my moobs, which is fine, but I’d really love to have a big, flabby, jiggly belly for me and my feeder to play with.

4. Do you have cellulite?

Not really.

5. Do you have stretch marks?

Yes.

6. Do you waddle?

I do a bit – maybe you’d like to fatten me up and give me a more substantial waddle?

7. Do you find it easy to gain weight?

Yes. It doesn’t take an enormous amount of food to make me gain weight. It’s a little scary to think how fat I would get, and how fast it would happen, with a proper feeder. I’d definitely have to keep multiple larger sizes on hand, as I might not have time to acquire clothes that fit with a rapid rate of gain.

8. What’s sexier, weight or size?

I presume that for this question, weight refers to the number on the scale, while size refers to, well, the amount of space you take up. While numbers – and every increasing numbers – are extremely hot and sexy, the idea that you’re taking up more space than not just one, but maybe two or three or more regular people is a HUGE turn-on. I don’t want to just take up the love seat, I want the sofa to be a seat for one – well, I guess I can have my feeder sit on my lap or maybe squeeze in at the end…

9. Do you enjoy a stuffed belly, or just wish it was fat?

Both – each has their place, and each is a huge turn-on. The feeling of a belly absolutely stuffed to within a fraction of an inch of bursting, the pain from consuming an amount of food that might have fed a family of six, or eight, or more…that’s hot. And the touch against your belly while stuffed to capacity is intoxicating. Your nerve endings seem more sensitive, the arousal is more intense – and that’s just from me. I can only imagine the pure pleasure of having a feeder do it so she can make more room to stuff me back to capacity. Yes, please.

10. Is food sexy or is only fat sexy?

Food can be sexy, of course, depending on how you use it. And while fat is sexy, that’s not to say that all fat people are sexy. You might be attracted to the shape or look of a person’s body, but they also might be a terrible human being. I find this question to be shallow.

11. Favorite cuisine?

I’m a huge fan of Tex-Mex, but I also like Italian. Put me down for cheese enchilada pasta? I dunno!

12. Favorite binge food?

Macaroni and cheese, hands down. I will eat mac and cheese until I have absolutely no room for more food and yet I’ll keep eating. I’ll eat mac and cheese until it’s gone, then beg for more.

13. Do you eat because you love gaining or gain because you love eating?

Both? I mean, I love food, and I love eating, and I love being fat. I'm not sure how to choose between those two.

14. What’s the sexiest food? The one you're feeding me IRL

15. Do you want to be funnel fed?

I’ve never been funnel fed, so I don’t know, but it does seem like something that I’d like to try. It seems very exciting and sexy to me in concept, so I’m sure I’d like it IRL.

16. Into mutual gaining?

I could be, I guess, but I prefer to be the bigger man (LOL) and I love the contrast between me being gargantuan and my feeder/partner being slim and petite. That said, I don’t have a size preference for my partner.

17. Do you prefer a skinny feeder or a fat feeder?

Again, no size preference for a partner, but the contrast between fat and skinny is extremely sexy.

18. Would you rather be fatter than your partner or skinnier?

Fatter

19. Do you like to be on top?

I think we both know that I’m getting to the point where that is a lot of work. I’d rather lay back and enjoy, thank you. However, if you ask nicely...

20. Favorite bit of fat for a partner to play with?

I’d love to have my partner play with my belly – stroke it, rub it, shake it, jiggle it – just all over adore it. Close second would be moobs.

21. Into public displays of feedism?

I’ve not tried it, but I’m open to it. You want to take me to a buffet and bring me plates until you have to help me get up? I’m in!

22. What are the sexiest clothes to be fat in?

The ones I’m wearing right now, of course. Any clothes are sexy if you have the confidence to flaunt what you have. That said, shirts with straining buttons and pants that barely close or skintight t-shirts that are multiple sizes too small or shorts that you can’t pull up over your belly so that it has to hang down, hopefully below the tail of your shirt? I can come up with more, of course.

23. Would you rather be worshipped or teased?

I think there is room for both – it depends on the mood my partner/feeder and I are in, and what we’re doing, etc. I love being teased for getting enormously fat, but I also love being praised and admired and touched lovingly all over my blubbery body.

24. Do you enjoy and family reacting to your gain?

Not really. It’s not a fun experience.

25. Do you enjoy strangers reacting to your size?

I honestly don’t care. If they want to point and stare, that’s on them. If they want to watch me destroy a family-sized dinner, well, I hope they enjoy the show.

26. Do you want fat friends?

What sort of question is this? As if I would pick friends based on their weight, or size, or gender, or ethnicity, or any other quality. I want friends who want to be my friends and who are good people. If they are fat, great. If not, that’s cool too.

27. Do you wish you were fatter already, or is it all about the gain?

This is a hard question. I mean, I’ve fantasized constantly since I was young about not just being fat, but being enormously, record-breaking fat, the kind of fat that Guinness would have to notice and that would be featured, not as a photoshop, in the grocery store tabloid rags. The kind of fat that would cause people to gasp and wonder how on earth I got that huge, that would be clipped on YouTube channels and that would inspire others to fatness.

OTOH, part of the thrill of being fat is GETTING there, noticing the extra pounds or new roll, having to button your pants under your belly, having your buttons start to gape on your shirt, and having someone to share that with who is with you helping you at every stage of your journey to enormity. So, put me down for both, I guess?

28. Any aspects of gaining that you’re not a fan of?

It’s hard, expensive work, especially if you don’t have a feeder to help. And much as I love being fat and gaining weight, I want someone to share that with, someone who will encourage me and be there to pick me up when I’m down, someone who is as turned on by fat as I am.

29. Most underrated fat body part?

I think flabby arms, especially upper arms, don’t get enough love. I also think moobs are underappreciated, but I might be wrong about that.

30. More food or better food?

I don’t want to just eat crap food, but some of the food that I like might be considered “junk food.” That said, I want my food to taste good, but I also want there to be enough of it that I can just barely finish it as I have to push myself to eat that last bite. Quality, insofar as taste, however, would be more important.

31. Sweet or savory?

Savory. I do love some sweets now and again, but they quickly become cloying and overwhelming. Savory doesn’t have that issue.

32. Soft feeding or forceful feeding?

Again, there is room for both. Sometimes, you just want someone to spoon feed you five gallons of pudding as they cuddle and rub your belly and coo at you to eat more. Sometimes, however, you might want someone to keep pouring gain shake down your gullet or forcing more pizza into your mouth no matter how full you are because they want you to keep going and get fatter and they KNOW you have more room. You’ll eat until *I* am full!

33. Even gain or disproportionately gain?

I’m not sure I understand this question. Are we talking about the distribution of weight on the body, or are we talking about a steady gain vs. a gain with fits and starts or plateaus? I’d prefer that much of my weight go to my belly, and I’d prefer a steady gain.

34. Fat with muscle or soft and flabby?

I want to be so soft and flabby that bean bag chairs feel structured compared to me. That said, I don’t want to be immobile (or I don’t find that practical), so I will have to have some muscle just to move myself around. Let’s keep it hidden under mound of soft, pliable, warm, fat, though.

35. Active fatty or lazy fatty?

Lazy. I don’t mind going on trips or adventures or what, but I’m going to be F-A-T. There are a lot of places that I won’t or can’t go. Plus, you don’t exactly get to be fat by not laying around and eating, you know? I love to read books and watch movies/TV, so if you want to snuggle up next to me with enough snacks for a high school football team, I think that’s the activity I’m looking for.

36. Do you want to stay fit or let yourself go?

Well, I want to be able to move around. But see the above answers. If you want to call me “fit” because I can walk around at a quarter ton or more, go right ahead. I’m sure no one will think that’s ironic.

37. What is something that surprised you about gaining weight?

Honestly, how easy it is to put on weight without really knowing it and then all of the sudden, none of your clothes fit.

38. Have you ever broken furniture?

Yes – chairs, sofas, beds. I’m a menace.

39. Have you ever burst out of your clothes?

Burst, no. But I have popped some buttons and ripped some pants.

40. Have you ever got stuck in a tight spot?

Yes, but I’m managed to wiggle out every time so far.

41. Has your gain brought any new struggles?

Yes! Moving around is obviously harder, and most people walk a LOT faster than I do, though that is also cultural as I’m originally from the South and we walk slower down there. And I just walk slow. It’s just what I do.

42. Do you like to be measured?

YES. I think that being measured is maybe even hotter than being weighed, IMHO. I mean, you get weighed once and you get a number, and yeah, it’s more than the last number. Well take that and multiply it by your neck, upper arms, chest, belly, hips, thighs, calves – think of all the added inches that those pounds make! Think of all the extra numbers going up! Outgrowing a measure tape is just as much of a turn on as outgrowing a scale!

43. Being tied up while fed?

I’ve not done this, but I do want to try it and it does turn me on in concept. I mean, you’ve tied me to the bed, I can’t break free, and you won’t let me go until I eat everything that you give me? I’m at your mercy and you can do anything to me? Yeah, I’m into that. So tie me up and order ten pizzas. Let’s see how full you can force me….

44. Are you into squashing?

I’ve never tried it, but I’ll try anything once. If you want to get squashed, just ask.

45. Are you into bloating?

I haven’t really tried it much, but I’ve been bloated, and yeah, I feel huge and then I’m not anymore. I’m mixed on that.

46. Do you burp a lot?

I don’t know? I burp when I need to burp.

47. How messy are you?

Not very. I’m not actively trying to make a mess when I eat. Food that ends up on me, rather than in me, is a waste.

48. Do you wish everyone was fat, or would that make it less exciting?

I wish everyone was the weight/size that makes the comfortable. Being skinny isn’t for everyone, being fat isn’t for everyone. Just try to be happy where you are at, and we’ll probably all do pretty well.

49. If you are what you eat, what have you been eating?

Cheese. At any given time, I’m at least 75% cheese.

50. Ask me anything!

#male feedee #female feeder #make me fatter #make me obese #make me enormous #fatten me up #ffa/bhm #bhm #feedee goals #feedee dreams #relationship goals #feedee fantasy

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jbbarnesnnoble · 3 years

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JBBarnesNNoble's 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Challenge 2021

Hello lovely people! And welcome to the 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge last year but through conversations with other writers over Discord, it evolved into a Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge last year. I’m reusing some of the unused prompts from last year’s challenge and adding in some new ones!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity.

This challenge will run through July 31st, 2021. It will run through Mental Health Awareness Month, Pride Month, and the month of July to give people time to write. You can submit it at any time. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. Please don’t hesitate to message me if I haven’t interacted with your fic after a few days! Sometimes the tag system doesn’t work and I miss things!

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first.

2. Use #JBBNNMHAM21 to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got.

7. NO JOHN WALKER FICS. Please. Please no. I beg of you.

8. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it.

You also can alter the sentence and dialogue prompts as needed for grammar, be it altering the pronouns used or changing the pluralization of a word.

9. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“I feel like if I let go, if I move on, I’ll only be proving them right.”

“I don’t know. Am I? Because from where I’m standing it’s pretty damn clear that’s how you see me.”

“You don’t believe that do you? Tell me you don’t. Please.”

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“Everyone’s got broken pieces. Some have more, some have less. It doesn’t make you less of a person to have those broken pieces.” @nekoannie-chan

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll take that shake now.”

“What’s the point if I’m going to end up breaking that promise too?”

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“It made you smile though. And that will always be a win in my book.”

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

Summer had a smell that reminded her of innocence and a time long since past.

In that moment, the world stopped spinning on its axis as it all shattered down around her.

Some things, there would never be a way to understand. @justrunamok

Like shattered glass, in that moment the illusion was broken.

Forever was a lie, just like everything else.

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

They’d say it was easy, like riding a bike. Except, you never learned how to ride a bike in the first place.

Today was going to be good. It had to be.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate @samsgoddess

College

Childhood Friends @tellmealovestory

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Doctor

Song Prompts:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.”

3. Barefoot and Bruised - Jamestown Story

Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil

Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier

Lyric Snippet: “If I surrender, surrender, to the monsters in me, will it set me free?”

6. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha

Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

7. Broken Arrows - Daughtry

Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

8. Used - Serious Matters

Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

9. According to You - Orianthi

Lyric Snippet: “According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right”

10. Let It Land - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

11. Cold As You - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

12. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

13. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

14. Therapy - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy you were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery”

15. Scars - Alison Iraheta

Lyric Snippet: “Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be. Take me, this is all that I’ve got, this is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I got flaws, I got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are, we’ve all got our scars”

16. Hurts to Know - 1551

Lyric Snippet: “I can’t remember what I did to earn you by my side. I can’t surrender. I’ll fight as long as you’re in my life”

17. Spinning Bottles - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “He’s in a hotel room, with the tv on. Getting lost in the static with the curtains drawn, knowing this could be the time that gets her gone for good, he’d quit if he could. But one down, two down, three down, four, can’t even recognize the man in the mirror anymore”

18. Praying - Kesha

Lyric Snippet: “Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. ‘Cause I can make it on my own. And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.”

19. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking”

20. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes”

21. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.”

22. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

23. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.”

24. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.”

25. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

26. Heaven Right Now - Thomas Rhett

Lyric Snippet: “When the whole crew gets together, memory lane goes on forever. We twist a top and pour a little Jack D out.”

#JBBNNMHAM21 #writing challenge #marvel fanfic

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lgbtqlegends · 4 years

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Ava Sharpe's Comprehensive Guide to the Rough Days of Sara Lance

1. Don't push her to talk about it if she doesn't want to or if she's not ready. It will get you nowhere and will only cause more pain and frustration that neither of you need.

2. Ask her what she needs, what she wants, and what you can do to help. It differs depending on the type of day, and sometimes what helps one day will do more harm than good the next time, and hurting her is the last thing you ever want to do.

3. Shark plush. When all else fails, the shark plush will always help at least a little bit. She'll never ask for it, but she'll always be grateful when you give it to her.

4. Distract her. Usually if she wants a distraction, she will ask for it. It always comes in two forms: your voice, talking about anything and everything, or your body, making her come undone just so she doesn't have to think for a while. Always ask which one she wants, because it will differ depending on the type of day.

5. Play with her hair, scratch her scalp, and run your fingers all over her back with light pressure. She will almost never ask for this, but it will almost always make her feel better.

6. Pay attention to her scars. This heavily depends on the type of day. On the right days though, this helps a lot. Trace them with your fingers, kiss every single inch of scar tissue that you can find. It will make her feel loved, and seen, and cared for more than she ever has with anyone else.

7. Put your hand on her chest, just below the base of her neck. 9 times out of 10 this is welcomed and appreciated. It keeps her grounded. She wants you to keep her grounded. If it is the rare occasion when this is not welcomed and appreciated, she will let you know. She doesn't like to ask for this, but she will on occasion; never with words, she will simply grab your hand and place it on her chest.

8. If she wants to talk about it, listen. She is telling you these things for a reason, and you only get to hear them because she trusts you. Cherish that. Sara Lance does not trust easily.

9. Try to keep her from using her old coping mechanisms, especially the particularly bad ones. If she's having a particularly rough time, she tends to revert back to those coping mechanisms. Remind her that you're there, and that she has better ways to cope now. Sometimes it's hard for her to remember that.

10. If she shuts down, stay with her until she comes out of it. Don't let her come out of it alone, everything will be so much worse if she does. Make sure she comes out of it in her own time, and make sure she's as comfortable as possible when she does, it will always help. Shark plush, pillows, blankets, tea, you. Those are the top things that help, in no particular order.

11. She won't admit it, but she likes being held. Hold her. Let her cuddle into your side, let her bury herself in your arms. She will almost never say no to being held. She will only say no if it's one of Those Days.

12. If it's one of Those Days (you both know what it means), there's not much you can do. You hate not being able to help more, but a lot of the normal comforts will only cause more harm than good. Your presence is enough for her on days like this. Let her come to you. She will, eventually. Be ready when she does. It will hurt, you will be angry on her behalf, but that's okay. You can't fix it but you care enough to want to. That helps. Let her lean on you and let her fall apart. You're the only one who knows about Those Days. She's never told anyone else and she probably never will.

13. Give her one of your hoodies. It will make her feel safe. She will hardly ever ask for one of your hoodies, but she will hardly ever say no if you hand one to her. She likes to bury her nose in it, because it smells like you. That helps. She associates your scent with safety.

14. Bring her to that little cabin you two rent on occasion. Sometimes she just needs to be alone with you. The change of scenery helps. She loves the waverider and the team, but sometimes it's too much and she needs the change of scenery to settle down.

15. Bring her to see Quentin in Star City. She doesn't always get to see him as much as she'd like and she misses him. Sometimes she just needs her dad to hug her and tell her it'll all be okay.

16. If she snaps at you, don't take it personally. She is only trying to pick a fight to avoid her emotions. Don't let her. Sometimes she still gets scared that you'll leave her. She will try to push you away. Don't let her, you both know how that ends.

17. If she becomes particularly fidgety, hold her. Whatever is going on inside her head is making her panic and she needs you to ground her. Pull her as close as you can and don't let go. Squeeze her tightly, don't worry about crushing her. She needs this. Don't even think about pulling back until she relaxes in your arms. Massage her scalp and play with her hair while you hug her, it will help her relax.

18. Kiss as many of her freckles as you possibly can, all over. Her face, her arms, her chest, anywhere you possibly can.

19. Let her play with your hair. Sometimes she needs to do something with her hands, something she sees as good. She likes playing with your hair. It helps her focus on something good instead of what's going on inside her head.

20. Take her out for a late night drive. Don't set any particular destination, just drive her around for a while. If it's nice enough out, roll the windows down. She likes the feeling of the wind in her hair, and she likes to stick her arm out the window to feel the wind and the pressure on her arm. Depending on the day, turn the radio on, the music will help. Other times, she prefers the silence.

21. Sometimes she just needs to sleep it off. Let her. Spend the day in bed with her. Let her curl up against your side and tell the legends not to disturb either of you. She will appreciate it when she wakes up warm and safe in your arms instead of cold and alone in the empty sheets.

22. Don't wake her up from any nightmares. Let her come out of them by herself. Comfort her once she's awake, not before.

23. Sometimes she just needs to let everything out. She has a habit of bottling things up until she breaks. You're working on that with her. Be there for her. Let her cry and break down, let her scream and shout. She is never screaming and shouting at you, she is just letting it out in the best way she knows how. She is, however, screaming and shouting to you, because she knows you listen.

24. Bring her to Laurel's grave. She misses her sister more than she could ever possibly put into words. You both wish you could bring her back, but the universe clearly had other plans. You both no there's no way. It doesn't change the fact that you wish there was. Sit with her at the grave. She still has a hard time with the fact that her big sister is gone but she's still here. Remind her that she is good, and that she deserves to be alive and happy. Deep down, she knows this. That doesn't mean she doesn't have a hard time believing it some days.

25. Remember: every bad day is on a sliding scale of how bad. Some days are better than others, some days are worse. Some days she can mask how she's really feeling and go on with her life. Some days it's too much for her to even get out of bed. Pay attention to the really bad days, it's those days when she needs you the most. Be there. The last thing you ever want is to lose her.

and now, because I'm an absolute sucker for angst, here's a scenario that you definitely should not imagine if you don't wanna be in pain:

don't imagine this being written by ava in the future, and it being stained with teardrops because it hurt to write but she had to get it out, had to try and do something because she couldn't stand doing nothing

don't imagine future ava, sitting on what used to be sara's side of the bed, sobbing and barely able to see what she's writing but somehow her handwriting is still near perfect

don't imagine future ava listing every single thing she's ever discovered that's helped sara on a bad day because the bad days finally got the better of her and ava was too late to stop it

don't imagine future ava portalling back to the past and hiding in the shadows, watching present day sara and ava living their lives happily, and don't imagine future ava having to fight to keep it together because she came here for a reason and she has a purpose for coming here and she'll be damned if she doesn't do it

don't imagine future ava sneaking into their quarters while they're on a mission and putting her guide in a spot where only ava would find it and then sneaking back out and back to her time without another glance

don't imagine future ava waiting with baited breath to see if it's changed anything because she can't bear the thought of this being it, she can't bear the thought of this being the end

don't imagine future ava being impatient because she knows time takes a little while to cement but god this is sara she's talking about and sara's the only one who could ever make her want to say fuck every rule in the book

don't imagine future ava going to bed that night, and maybe the nights after, on sara's side just to feel closer to her, to be surrounded by her lingering scent, sobbing until she passes out thinking that maybe nothing's changed, maybe her attempt was all in vain

don't imagine future ava, right as she's starting to lose hope that it worked, waking up one morning with sara (her sara, future sara) curled up in her arms

don't imagine future ava letting out a sob at the sight, and don't imagine her pulling sara as close as she possibly can and holding her so tightly that she's almost worried sara won't be able to breathe but she can't loosen her grasp because anything less and she's scared sara will disappear

don't imagine future sara stirring awake and loving the feeling of ava holding her so tightly but wondering why and- are those tears she feels on her head?

don't imagine future sara trying to pull back slightly to figure out what's wrong, only to be pulled closer by ava's arms and don't imagine her sinking in to them, hugging ava back just as tightly because clearly she needs this

don't imagine future sara asking ava what's wrong in a soft whisper and don't imagine ava sobbing even harder because she lost all of this. she lost it and sara was gone but now she's back and the guide worked and she's happy, of course she's happy, but holy shit she didnt think it would still hurt this much

just,,,, don't imagine all that if you want to save yourself from p a i n

#avalance #ava sharpe #sara lance #legends of tomorrow #this isn't really a headcanon #just something i worked on in my free time for a couple days #see this started out cute and fluffy with ava's guide for what to do on sara's bad days #and then after i finished that i was reading it over again and the angst showed up #sorry not sorry

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snowdice · 2 years

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Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 94]

Time for some reading prepping for class! Hoping to get a good chunk done this afternoon. :) Though the internet does keep cutting out so... we might see some delays in posting.