#I’m terrified and excited and genuinely happy rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

1d1195 · 2 months ago

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First of all bestie you could NEVER make me hate you especially over a silly hairstyle! And if people end be up hating on you for that… that’s not it lol also this is gonna part 1 of my ramble 😭

ANWAYS I’m in constant conflict with how I feel about that mullet HAHA at first I was like “a mullet?! WHY?” But then I saw the vision and kinda liked it😔 and rn I’m not sure tbh! BUT I’m not sure if it’s bc he’s HARRY and I’m just kind “blinded” by finding him attractive in general lol bc he’s definitely hot no matter what in my eyes so idk lol plus I fear I’m so use to seeing so many people have mullets (I guess it’s trendy now?!) that maybe I’m just not as big of a hater as I use to be lol btw I LOVED the visuals you gave! That tattoo roulette pic has me STUNNED the first time I saw it! And I kinda love you’re not an automatic lhh lover🤭 though I am a fan of when he had a middle part, like for when he did SNL so idk about my opinion lol

I simply am lowkey sick of my phone lately so idk wtf is going on lol though I love polls! It’s interesting what people are thinking! I genuinely don’t remember exactly what was the last poll I got to vote on but I remember clicking on a Sun kissed option and I was in the minority of votes 😭

SAM YOURE GONNA KILL ME WITH THAT BREEDING KINK!!! I will simply cease to exist whenever we get to meet that Harry😵‍💫 I truly love how you write your Harry’s like i simply can’t!!! And bestie I love when a man is begging and just groveling on the FLOOR for forgiveness!! Very excited 😌

Omg you’re of course one of those people!! Honestly I would have been more surprised if babies WEREN’T drawn to you lol I’m sure it’s just a vibe you give off like babies can see your pure and sweet heart! In another universe you most likely would have had your Honey moment or like a daycare moment! And omg that’s absolutely such an adorable moment and such a good concept 😭

Financial anxiety is so REAL! Especially since you mentioned how growing up it impacted you a lot! And growing up poor too, i totally get it!! It’s a very conflicting feeling lol

Omg bestie you don’t even KNOW how obsessed I was with fucking true crime and like paranormal stuff growing HAHAHA the true crime stuff now terrifies me now bc HELLO?!? But honestly some of these murder mystery books I got to reread again are kinda still a slay lol but the pottery stuff I got really into it in middle school and lowkey stopped reading it when the pandemic hit lol anyways finished sorting out some books so I will be donating them later this week!

Agree about the AC!! Growing up in school there was NO AC and we had to constantly suffer with the heat waves! Girl you’re like a young millennial which makes sense you would be drawn to that aesthetic and there’s nothing wrong with it! If it makes you happy then there’s no harm!

I always get so sad/worried when my dogs are slightly off bc I love them 😭 When I tell you the first thing encounter I had with my finaid office I fucking CRIED! Had to wait on a fuck ass zoom for almost two hours only for a MAN to tell me it was my fault(it fucking was a mistake on their end) and to just get loans and a payment plan was my HELL!!! My mom had to calm me down it was so embarrassing lol Anyways I loved that you gave that feedback and honestly very you and I love that!

I actually decided to shorten the black dress to like my mid thigh!! Sounds short but I’m not tall so it will look somewhat okay lol and the second one is actually a dark blue dress that shimmers when it hits a certain light! It looks black but it’s actually blue and I’m excited to wear it! That one will be slightly above the knee! And maxi dresses are cute! And I bet they look cute on you!!

Hope you had a lovely weekend! Hope it was restful and fun! ALSO I hope your week is starting well!! LOVE YOU!!!-💜

I'm putting a cut here because I wanted to warn anyone else that reads our pen pal letters that I'm going to talk about audio porn a little lol what an ENTRANCE to this message idk if you'll even be able to tell where my train of thought came from to introduce it like this 😂

Number one--obsessed with two part asks hehehe I love this for us. SAW THE VISION. I'm glad you saw it I haven't 💀 I think I def have this blindness as well but it's so trendy rn and I'm just NOT hear for it. If my bf got a mullet I would shave his head tbh. I just think his hair looked stringy and needed a wash and I haven't forgiven him for that 😭 I wash my hair every day because Harry and I actually have very similar hair and if I don't wash it every day it gets so greasy and gross (and before anyone comes for me I KNOW it's because I wash it every day 🙃 but I can't do it. I just feel better when I shower so what am I going to do? I do so little for my own self care ANYWAY)

I LOVE polling everyone. I think it's so helpful 😭 and I agree, knowing what everyone thinks really helps inform my decision and focus to write.

HEHEHEHE you may have already met that Harry Not to out myself here but I recently downloaded Quinn which is audio porn and it's *mwah* chef's kiss. It's giving me all kinds of ideas for Harry and I like to find the audios where the guy is all worshippy of the girl. Honestly, I don't even listen to it for the porn part I'm just here for the plot 😂 there's a couple brother's best friend's ones that have me salivating to write something. I'm AMPED.

I think in another life I probably will open a day care. I should have just taught elementary school the way the gods probably intended me to but alas. Knock on wood my group is... don't want to jinx it but I will say I'm not exhausted right now (at least not from teaching).

I'm not tall either so I get it. I love a shimmery dress! That sounds so nice! I've been getting tons of compliments on all my clothes recently so I like to believe I might be figuring out my own sense of style. Even the kids notice and think I look cute which is not the point but I think it's nice they notice because a lot of these kids are so trendy and adorable. One of my students from a couple years ago should have won best dressed. She could have worn a trash bag to soo. She was so adorable and I would ask for her opinion about what I should wear to chaperone prom/homecoming 😂

I hope you NEVER have to talk to financial aid ever again 💕

I had a slightly busy but good weekend. I was very productive and I'm trying to keep pace because I fear October is going to be busy as hell 🙃

I hope your week is going well too 💕 LOVE YOU!

#💜

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lesbiandeerstory · 2 years ago

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surprise, i posted another deer script! :D

now here is my obligatory commentary track, bcuz if there’s one thing i love as much as writing, it’s talking about writing!

so first of all, fans of sunlight underground will be right at home with this chapter lmao. i gotta say, it is extremely fun for me to write a protagonist who is as weak and pathetic and helpless as acorna is. she is such a fail girl and i love her so much.

she spends the first chapter being terrified and then getting stabbed, and she spends this second one getting bullied and talked over. it’s great!

the big theme of this treatment of the story is POWER DYNAMICS, and acorna makes for an interesting protagonist for this theme bcuz she rests in an interesting place wrt power dynamics.

she has a massive amount of political power, being the favorite person of the world’s sole ruler, but that power only exists in theory, and in practice she has no power in any part of her life. her magic is weak, she’s physically frail, her position as the world ruler’s favorite person puts massive pressure on her and limits what she can and can’t do, etc.

acorna being so weak and her knight being so strong is a clear indicator of the power dynamics at play, and yet at the same time archangel is a humble low level worker, she leads a camp of no name soldiers who do grunt work for the government. despite having age, experience, and magic power over acorna, acorna has complete political power over archangel; if anything happens to acorna, archangel knows that vritra will put her fucking head on a spike.

archangel and acorna are both very strong in their own ways, but the ways in which they’re weak completely negate what strength they have.

speaking of archangel! we get to see a very different side of her in this chapter; she genuinely loves acorna, but has very little care or patience for the other soldiers under her command.

she just wants to be free and go on adventures with the ppl she loves, she didn’t ask for all this fuckin responsibility, and not only does she not like it, she’s not good at it either. but she has to rise to the occasion and be the responsible one, bcuz she doesn’t have the power to say no, especially to princess vritra.

i realize i’m kinda tooting my own horn here a bit, but i can’t even express how refreshing and exciting it is for after two years of struggling with this story to see everything coming together and working in such perfect interconnected harmony. like doing one of those 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles and finally starting to see the picture come together.

and one of the big things that’s helped everything come together is ORDERS... which actually before i get into that, i do wanna briefly mutter about a mild terminology issue i wrote myself into.

y’see orders refers in this treatment to massive organizations of deer, y’know kinda like standard knight organizations in fiction, but also “orders” has historically in lesbian deer story been a term to refer to small magical amphiamorous polycules.

i like both ideas alot, and i haven’t decided yet how i wanna resolve the terminology issue. for now i’m using “order” to refer to the big organizations cuz the magical polycules aren’t relevant in the prototype, so they get lower priority rn.

anyway orders! what are those??? acorna and archangel, among others, are mentioned to be members of the order of the shield, and the order of the storm is also mentioned. the concept will be explained slowly over the course of a few chapters, tho honestly i feel like i probably could’ve explained more in this one. this chapter will definitely need pretty heavy edits later on but i’m happy with it for now ANYWAY.

there are nine orders, and every deer upon entering adulthood joins one of them and learns the magic unique to that order. magic in deer world is powered by collective belief, so the members of a given order all believing in their magic is what makes it real.

unfortunately this does mean that i had to uhhhh... [takes a long drag of a cigarette and sighs] make a new magic system. long time viewers of this blog will no doubt be intimately familiar with my bloody struggle to conjure up a usable magic system, and in hindsight most of this battle was self-inflicted, completely unnecessary, and frankly embarrassing.

that said, the most recent system i came up with, what with the colored auras and such, IS RLY GODDAMN COOL. i like it alot and have no problems with it, but the concept of orders came packaged with its own magic system that was woven into the very fabric of the setting so here we are. i wanna use the color aura system for something still tho. anyway nobody make fun of me plz.

also for big fuckin lore nerds like me, which u probably are if u have read thru THIS MUCH TEXT on a fuckin commentary track for a story that doesn’t even exist yet, the nine orders are as follows:

Sun, Mind, Shield, Storm, Moon, Pain, Death, Blood, and Shadow.

each of the protagonists belong to a different order. that was kinda the whole idea, was to give each protagonist a special thing they could belong to, and if u have a group of special things in a story u HAVE to have a protagonist for each one, that is the LAW.

“iris there are nine orders and six protagonists what’s up with that????” >:3c

anyway one thing i gotta improve on as a writer is scenes with alot of fuckin’ characters in ‘em. like there’s this scene in this chapter where popstar and wolfberry are yelling at each other and mosaic is there poking fun at them both, but acorna the pov character is completely just like not even there. she’s just sitting there bro. which is not a great use of ur pov character.

speaking of wolfberry, popstar, and mosaic tho (and hawthorn), they are all in this chapter! every single character in the story (mostly) are organized into pairings of a knight and muse. this contradicts the daily deer lore where all the characters were in three person groups, and none of the pairings we’ve seen have matched what we saw in the daily deer.

OR DOES IT CONTRADICT AT ALL ACTUALLY???? it doesn’t. the idea is that the characters will start from their newly assigned pairings and will work their way to who they were with in the daily deer, the idea being that the juxtaposition between these relationships creates a functionally infinite well of story material to draw on.

like for example we have wolfberry and hawthorn. how does wolfberry go from being a member of the order of the shield to working with heather and begonia?? at the end of this chapter we meet le doeyon, and in the daily deer it was with hawthorn! how do they become friends??

these questions and more are probably not being asked by anyone, cuz that would require ppl be way invested in the lore that i wrote over a year ago BUT!!! *I* am EXTREMELY invested in it and extremely interested in seeing the characters go from point a to point b, and then seeing where they go from point b. it’s exciting to me, and it gives me a tangible arc for each character that is IMMUTABLE, bcuz the daily deer thing exists and i can see it with my eyes.

we won’t be seeing much of popstar, wolfberry, mosaic or hawthorn for a while after this tho, and that’s by design. alot of characters in this treatment get introduced super quickly and then immediately forgotten, with the idea that i’ll bring them back later not only when u least expect it, but when i can bash their arcs into other characters’ arcs in fun an unexpected ways. it’s a long con, but one i’m excited to pull off.

#deer lore #dev lore

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foilfreak · 4 years ago

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4 Lords Raise Rose AU Ideas

Not a single person asked for this, but that other post where I talk about the 4 lords adopting Rose but still technically being terrible people got way more popular than I expected it to, so, with about 6 shots of tequila in my system and a terrible urge to spit my thoughts out for all the internet to see and judge, I’ve decided to make a follow up post. Here’s how I think the 4 lords would take care of Rose in the event they rebelled against Mother Miranda and decided to raise Rose as their own instead, but like under the cut after a little bit cuz i accidentally went way too fucking hard with this and I don’t want ppl to get mad at me for making them scroll for an hour to get past this post:

First and foremost, I think they’d do it in stages, and what I mean by this is that Rose would essentially be given to a specific Lord for some period of her life, like a couple years, and then when she was deemed old or strong or annoying enough, she’d be moved to a different lord for some period of time and so on and so forth. They would do this because a) they all live in different areas and have shit to do so it’s easier to have Rose live with one lord at a time and then the other lords can just go visit her there from time to time, rather than try to work out a weekly custody schedule which we all know Alcina and Karl would NEVER be able to agree on so let’s not even bother, and b) because each lord would have either some skill or set of knowledge that would make them the best for caring for Rose at that specific point in her life. This way, all the lords have a (somewhat) equal chance to be a part of Rose’s life and teach her something while she’s with them. So with all that in mind now, let’s get down to who would have Rose and at what point in her life.

1. Starting off with infant Rose, I think she’d end up with the Dimitrescu’s for the first few years of her life, and the reason why I think this is because... well, Alcina IS already a mother to 3 girls, and while we don’t know a terrible amount about Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela’s “upbringing” under Alcina, we can gleam and theorize from her notes that, despite their fully grown bodies, the girls could very well have started out with the mental and physical capabilities of infants, and thus needed to be cared for and brought up in a similar manner as infants or children until they reached a certain point where they could officially be considered adults in mentality and ability, not just in physical appearance. So with this in mind, it’s entirely possible that Alcina could have at least some vague idea of how to care for an infant child through her experiences with the bug sisters; perhaps there’s some gaps in her knowledge, but if nothing else I imagine Alcina would be an infant Rose’s best shot at surviving infancy if only because the other 3 are so incompetent on how to care for a baby that Alcina looks like an expert in comparison. Not to mention that, of the possible locations for an infant to be raised, I do genuinely think that castle Dimitrescu would be the safest place for Rose to be kept during this vulnerable part of her life. Not only that but if Alcina has actually come to care for Rose as though she were one of her own daughters, then she would absolutely spoil Rose rotten with all the nicest clothes and fanciest toys, things that a small infant wouldnt be able to appreciate but would show that she’s loved and cared for nonetheless, and don’t even get me started on the bug sisters, I could see them fawning over Rose for hours on end, playing with her, singing to her, telling her stories of all the man-things they’ve gotten to play with today, and so much more. Overall, Rose would just be the most spoiled and pampered little baby with the Dimitrescus and there’s no changing my mind about this. The only thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how they’d feed her, since I doubt a small infant would take very well to blood wine and human flesh. I suppose it wouldn’t be terribly outrageous for them to hire a wet nurse/nanny to care for Rose during the day while the other Dimitrescus go about their daily duties, and when Rose is finally old enough to be introduced to solid food (I.e. fried human flesh cubes) they could do what they always do and turn the nurse into wine too, I guess. It’s not a solid idea but it’s more plausible than anything else I thought of so it’ll work!

2. After spending about 3 years with the Dimitrescus, Rose would then be moved to the Beneviento house. Now, If u don’t know anything about 3 year olds, then you’re probably ignorant to the fact that they are some of the craftiest, sneakiest, and most coniving groups of people to exist on this planet. 3 year olds are masters at getting into and touching just about anything and everything u don’t want them to touch, and worst of all, u won’t realize what they’re doing until they’ve already done it and left a huge mess behind, so while the Dimitrescus love and adore Rose dearly, they know it’s sadly time to hand her over when they find her sitting on top of a pile of dead bodies playing with a metal scythe in the dungeons. Once Rose is dropped off at the Beneviento house, I imagine Donna is her usual stoic self the first few weeks Rose is with her. She’s not cold or distant necessarily, in fact she’s quite happy that it’s finally her turn with precious baby Rose, but Donna isn’t exactly known for being outwardly expressive herself (and even Angie isn’t being quite as forward as she normally is), so things are quiet and peaceful for the first little while that Rose is under her care. It’s not until Rose takes an interest in her doll Angie, and more importantly the things that Donna can do with Angie, that things really start getting fun. By the end of Rose’s first month in the Beneviento house she and Donna are the best of friends and often spend their days either playing dress up and make pretend with Donna’s extensive doll collection, or playing elaborate games of cat and mouse, where Donna will set up lots of puzzles throughout the house for Rose to find and solve (I.e. rose has to match her dress to the doll with the same one as her to find a map telling her which kitchen cabinet Donna hid the chocolate in, or something like that), but be careful little Rose, Angie has been trying to get her hands on that chocolate all day, and if u take too long, she’ll find the map first and eat all the chocolate without saving you a single piece. Just silly little puzzles with enough at stake to engage the mind of a curious 3 year old, but never enough to put rose in any actual danger. Donna is nothing if not a watchful caretaker, so she makes sure she has sight of Rose at all times, occasionally giving her a hint if she’s struggling, and perhaps occasionally making things harder if that day’s puzzle is proving too easy for her. Overall, Rose’s time with Donna, while not as grand and luxurious as the Dimitrescus, was still a fun and enriching experience for the young girl, and there’s nobody in this world who thinks that Donna’s scar is cool more than Rose.

3. After another 3 years with Donna, Rose is now 6 years old and officially far too good at puzzle solving for Donna to keep up with. No matter what she tries or how hard she makes it, Rose just keeps blazing through the puzzles at an almost alarming rate, making it clear that Rose is desperately in need of not only a change in scenery, but also a change in education, and this is where Salvatore finally comes in. After leaving the Beneviento house, I think the next logical place for Rose to stay would be with Salvatore, who, with lore hinting at him perhaps being a scholarly man of some kind, would basically act as her elementary school teacher throughout the duration of her stay. Now, to be fair, Rose could have gone to Heisenburg’s factory, but Heisenberg outright refused to take her and the other 3 lords decide that the factory is simply too dangerous for Rose rn, who thus far hasn’t shown any signs of being anything other than a normal human girl with no noticeable abilities (save for a smart mouth and a terrifying habit of popping up when least expected, a habit she mostly uses to mess with Heisenberg, much to his disdain and Lady Dimitrescu’s delight), so it is to the mutant fish man’s unimaginable delight that he is unanimously voted Roses next caretaker, and the one responsible for her basic education. Despite his initial excitement however, when Rose is finally dropped off at the windmills by Donna, Salvatore realizes that he’s not 100% sure what to do with Rose now that he has her. He’d like to get started on her education right away but at the same time he’s so fearful of Rose hating him because of his disgusting appearance that he kind of just... avoids her entirely at first. He’s never far away from the little girl and is always ready to jump to her rescue should she need it, but other than that Salvatore seldom allows himself to be seen for the first month that Rose is with him, the only sign of him still being around being the platefuls of food that mysteriously appear in Rose’s room 3 times a day, as well as the occasional shiny trinket Salvatore found and thought Rose would like. At first, rose doesn’t seem to mind being left entirely to her own devices, but after every stone, log, and rotting fish corpse within 5 miles of the lake has been turned over and thoroughly examined, Rose decides she’s had quite enough of her Uncle Sal ignoring her, prompting the headstrong little girl to go looking for him herself. She finds Salvatore hiding underneath a patch of floating algae not far away from where she was playing and all but demands that the mutant man come out of the water and give her something to do or she’d tell Mother on him. Salvatore, shocked by the small child’s fearlessly blunt request, hesitates, not wanting to frighten Rose, but ultimately relents, crawling out of the water and timidly suggesting that he teach her how to read and write. Rose quickly agrees, seeming totally unbothered by Salvatore’s grotesque appearance, and the two quickly move to the schoolroom that had been set up specifically for Rose, where Salvatore spends hours upon hours a day teaching Rose everything he knows, filling the little girl’s head up first with the basics, letters and words, then numbers and simple equations, followed later by historical dates and time periods, algebraic formulas, and classic literature analysis, then biology, chemistry, physics, astrology, calculus, ecology, and so much more. Basically, anything there is to know, Salvatore knows at least something about it and he’ll make sure that Rose knows about it too. In the 3 years Rose spends with Salvatore she goes from already sharp as a whip, to being smarter than most adults even, and Salvatore takes immense pride in how intelligent and knowledgable Rose becomes thanks to his surprisingly effective teaching style. Overall, as a caretaker, Salvatore is pretty weird and doubts himself a lot, but Rose thinks he’s funny and loves learning from him so they get along very well and she loves him very dearly! He probs teaches her to swim and fish too.

4. So another 3 years come and go with incredible speed, and its with great sadness on Salvatore’s part that Heisenberg finally comes banging on the fish man’s door, all but demanding that he now be given his turn with Rose. Now, personally, I can see several different arguments being raised by the other 3 lords over why its a terrible idea to let a 9 year old anywhere near Heisenberg, much less be given into his care fully. After about 9 years of seeing his siblings paling around with the constantly growing child, and looking like theyre having the time of their lives all the while, however, Karl decides that perhaps there’s more to this little girl than he originally thought, and, with his interest now piqued (or at the very least looking forward to pissing the other 3 off for entertainment purposes), that its only fair that he be given a turn with her now too, seeing as how he’s the only one who hasn’t been given the chance to be her caretaker yet. This naturally does NOT go over well with the other 3 lords. Alcina all but threatens to kill Karl should he step so much as within 10 ft of Rose, while Donna pipes up and demands to know what his sudden interest in Rose is. Even Salvatore, who is quick to flinch away from direct conflict, goes as far as to harshly point out the plethora of times Karl had outright denied their previous attempts to get him to engage with Rose, so why on earth would they hand her over to him now when he’s previously shown to have absolutely no interest in her? After a long spout of yelling between the 4 siblings, an agreement is reached, wherein Rose herself will be given the chance to decide whether she wants to go with Heisenberg, or whether she’ll return to one of the other 3 lords for the time being. It is to Alcina, Donna, and Salvatore’s absolute horror however, that Rose enthusiastically agrees to go with her Uncle Karl to live in his factory, and with the deal already set, the other lords can do nothing to stop her from going. The trip to drop off Rose at heisenberg’s factory is a long and arduous one, especially for Salvatore, who sobs the whole way there about Rose forgetting about him despite the young girl’s insistence that she’d visit. The first thing Karl does after officially having Rose handed over to him, is give her an extensive list of all the places in the factory in which she is under no circumstances permitted to enter without his permission (which basically only leaves the control room and the old storage closet that acts as her bedroom as viable places for Rose to go and explore). The second thing Karl does is dump her in her new storage closet bedroom and then hightail it for his workshop to work on whatever sick and twisted amalgamation he’s got cooked up this time around. At first, Rose isn’t terribly bothered by this, since she’s used to having something of an “adjustment period” when she’s with a new caretaker, but unfortunately for her, this adjustment period lasts a hell of a lot longer than the others did, and by the time 3 months of almost no meaningful contact with Karl, Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and ascends into the depths of the factory despite the express orders not to do so. Now, going back to the idea that the 4 lords are still pretty terrible people, I doubt Rose has been kept ignorant to the less savory aspects of her caretaker’s lives, and tbh she probably doesn’t think anything of the fact that the Dimitrescus makes wine out of the blood of virgin women or that Salvatore still does cadou experiments (and had her help on occasion), but I imagine even Rose would find the projects Karl works on to be at least a little

4, cont. gruesome and horrifying in nature, especially since Heisenberg is the one she knows the least about. However, instead of turning Rose away from Heisenberg, these terrifying metal creatures she sees locked up only spark her already insatiable curiosity, and by the time she finally tracks Karl down, Rose is all but trembling to learn more about this horrifyingly fascinating metal world. Unfortunately, Karl is not nearly as happy to see Rose as Rose is to see him, and the engineer all but grabs Rose by the scruff of her neck and drags her back up to the control room, yelling and screaming at her all the while about how she was explicitly instructed not to enter these parts of the factory without his permission. Needless to say that Rose does not enjoy this treatment and immediately lashes out, half out of anger and half out of confusion as to why Karl was treating her like this. He was the one who wanted her here in the first place, so why the hell was he just ignoring her now? It didn’t make any sense and it was starting to piss Rose off, so naturally the only thing left for her to do in order to solve this complicated situation would be to continue to disobey Karl until he either gave up and sent her back to one of the other lords, or finally payed some damn attention to her for once. So that’s exactly what she did. Every single day Rose left her room (which Karl kept telling himself he needed to put a lock on, but never did cuz he’s an idiot) and descended down into the depths of the factory looking for something ogle at or tinker with, and every single day Karl would track her down wherever she’d managed to get to and throw her back upstairs threatening to feed her to the lycans if she did it again. This incredibly frustrating cycle continued on for the better part of the next month or so, finally coming to a head when Rose managed to wander into the part of the factory where the... less than successful experiments got put whenever Karl doesn’t have any further use for them but is feeling too lazy to kill them off himself. Long story short, Rose runs into a Sturm that chases her around the factory, causing all manner of mayhem and destruction, and would have torn her to ribbons had it not been for Karl, who jumped in at the last second and was able to fend the damn thing off long enough for Rose to get the ever living fuck out and back up to the control room where it’s safe. There’s a lot of loud noises and explosions coming from deep within the factory that last for what feels like an eternity, but Rose doesn’t dare venture out again until everything has gone eerily quiet and a deep sense of worry has settled in the pit of her stomach over what had become of her latest caretaker. Turns out the Sturm had recognized its creator and, after watching its initial prey escape because of said creator, quickly decided that it fucking hated Karl with every fiber of its being and wanted him dead if it was the last thing it’s propellers did. Now, we all know that Karl is a big strong boy who’s more than capable of handling his own creations and taking down strong enemies, but the Sturm is a creation that even he struggles to control on good days and today is decidedly not a good day so not only does Karl not have the slightest bit of control over the death machine trying to kill him, but its also a lot stronger than Karl initially thought and apparently not picky about the method which causes Karl’s death, which is evidenced by the nearly dead Sturm ramming itself into a power generator as a final act of defiance and nearly blowing up the whole factory and everybody inside. Heisenberg is able to contain the explosion somehow but not without considerable damage to himself first. Rose is, naturally, quite horrified to find Karl passed out in the elevator that had taken him up from the lower levels of the factory where the explosion was, skin burnt nearly to a crisp in certain areas and blood pooling from just about every part of him, and immediately heads over to try and help her injured caretaker.

4, cont. again cuz I physically can’t stop myself. Now, I imagine that any normal 9 year old probably wouldnt be able to handle this sort of situation in any meaningful way, but i think we can all agree that Rose is the furthest thing from normal (especially considering who raised her) and has probably seen enough blood and gore to not be terribly freaked out by it, but this is where things get a little speculative because we don’t know what Rose’s powers are exactly but we do know from the final cutscene that she does have them, perhaps even a plethora of abilities, and I like to think that some of those powers are related to Ethan’s superhuman healing capabilities, but unlike Ethan however, who from what we’ve seen could only heal himself, Rose can actually heal other people (tho this isn’t something she’s aware of at this point in time). The second the elevator door opens to reveal, what looks to be, a half-dead Karl slumped over in the corner, Rose panics and runs to him, doing everything she can think of save for maybe grabbing him by the collar or slapping him across the face, to try and get Karl to wake up, except nothing works, he wont wake up no matter how hard Rose tries and i imagine this must be incredibly distressing for Rose who never intended for something like this to happen or for her caretaker to die because he had to protect her even tho he told her not to go down there because its dangerous and anything down there WOULD kill her if given the opportunity. Anyways Rose is now full on sobbing on top of Karl like only a 9 year old who just discovered that her actions have consequences can, but unbeknownst to her (and technically Karl cuz he’s a little busy bleeding out all over the floor) Karl’s wounds are slowly beginning to close, the burns on his face and hands shift from a bright red to a dark brown before crusting over and flaking off, and even his breathing, which had been labored and inconsistent at first, began to level out slightly. Karl woke up not long after that and was surprised to find that a) he was still alive, which was cool, b) he was injured but not in indescribable pain, also cool, and c) there was a literal sobbing child all but sitting on top of him, which is definitely not something Karl was expecting but he supposed he’s been met with worse things upon waking up after almost dying so why question it. After taking a moment to gather their bearings, the two return to the safer parts of the factory to rest and recover and for the most part this little incident of their’s goes largely unspoken, with Rose not exactly in the mood to talk about how her disobedience nearly got herself and Karl killed, and Karl being too fucking tired to go after her about it, especially since she seems to have learned her lesson. The only downside to this whole thing is that now Karl has a busted up fuckin leg thats gonna take an eternity to heal even for him, and with so much work to still do he’s more or less forced to drag Rose around the factory and use her like the annoying assistant he never wanted (except he did want her, thats how this whole fucking mess started, you lug), except that Rose, who is more than used to playing lab assistant from her time with Salvatore, quickly proves to be a rather capable and handy person to have around, if only because she knows the difference between a philips and a flathead screwdriver even better than he does. An amicable, if still slightly awkward peace settles over Heisenberg’s factory once Karl starts actively engaging with Rose and giving her something to do on a daily basis, even if its just standing around watching him work and occasionally having her questions about what he’s doing answered. It doesn’t take very long after that for Karl to begin realizing that perhaps throwing a huge tantrum to get Rose to come here only to ditch her upstairs by herself for 3 months might not have been the smartest (or most considerate) thing he’s ever done, and even goes as far as to (kinda) apologize to Rose for being such a dick to her since she arrived.

4, last one i swear. Rose forgives him, though not before adding that she already knew he was an asshole from Alcina, which earns her a halfhearted swipe from Karl that Rose easily dodges with a childish giggle. From that point on their relationship improves astronomically as Karl finally gives in and teaches Rose about about engineering and everything else that goes into making the metal horrors that he’s known for. Karl is shocked at how quickly Rose picks up on the trade, getting to the point where Karl wonders if he should start giving Rose her own projects to work on, but quickly rolls his eyes and groans when he remember that Salvatore was the one responsible for her education up until this point, the mere thought of having to give compliments to that “moronic freak” for giving Rose such a good educational foundation makes him want to vomit despite how secretly impressed he is. Overall, Rose’s time with Heisenberg starts out shaky, very shaky even, but after a bit of disaster and some swallowing of the pride on Karl’s part, they end up growing quite close and have a nice fun Uncle and martass Neice dynamic. They make a good team and Karl does genuinely enjoy having a little assistant around to help him with his projects, even if Rose can sound a bit too much like Alcina on some days for his liking.

5. 3 more years come and go and now Rose is a strong and healthy 12 years old, perhaps riddled with a few more scars and smearings of ash and motor oil across her skin than when she first arrived but still strong and capable nonetheless. Going back to that first statement however, this of course means that it’s time for the other 3 lords to come banging on Karl’s door for a change, all but demanding that Rose be handed back over to them. Karl of course refuses, telling them all to fuck off and that Rose didn’t want a leave the factory, so upon realization that all 4 lords were gathered here with the intention of taking Rose back to live with them indefinitely, a fight immediately breaks out between the 4 siblings, as each one makes their case as to why Rose should be returned to them and not the other 3, which of course none of the 4 lords can come to an agreement about because they ALL want Rose to stay with them. So after another long and pointlessly arduous argument, Alcina finally breaks, proclaiming that they’d be here for all eternity of they didn’t make a decision now, and that, like the first time the 4 siblings argued over whether Rose should go with Heisenberg or return to one of the previous lords, Rose would be the one to decide which of her four caretakers she would return to. The agreement is made reluctantly, mostly on the part of Salvatore, Donna, and Heisenberg, but there was seemingly no other way for them to come to a decision, so it would unfortunately have to be up to Rose to decide which of her 4 caretakers she wants to stay with permanently. Rose is quickly brought before the 4 lords and explained the situation, before being given some time to herself to think and make her final decision. A tense and uneasy silence falls over the 4 lords as they wait for the little girl, who they had shown an uncharacteristic amount of mercy and time and devotion and love in the 12 years since Mother Miranda had brought her to the village with the intention of using her to revive an already lost and long-gone baby that she never would have gotten back no matter how hard she tried. Although they refused to admit it to one another, the lords all secretly knew that Rose had wormed her way into each of their cold, dead hearts, reviving an aspect of their humanity that they’d all thought had been lost ages ago. Rose came to the village bringing with her a wave of death and destruction, and yet throughout her childhood she has brought them nothing but light and life, illuminating their previously dark and desolate existences. The 4 lords loved their Rose very dearly and desperately wanted her to be happy, yet each of them possesses a dark and selfish desire to have Rose pick them over the other 3, to come and live with them forever and fill the hole deep inside them that they never knew needed filling. After a short while, Rose comes back out and stands before her 4 beloved caretakers, looking around nervously as she picks at her fingernails. The silence is thick and heavy as the 4 lords stare at the young girl, waiting with bated breaths for her to give her final verdict. Rose continues to say nothing as tears begin to flow from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in thick streams as the girl begins to sob, dropping her head and clenching her dress. The 4 lords look between one another in confusion, unsure of what to do with this sudden burst of tears. Rose tearfully admits that she can’t and doesn’t want to choose which of the 4 lords she wants to live with permanently because she loves them all very much and wants to be able to see and live with all of them, like they’ve done thus far. Although the lords detest the idea of having to share Rose with anyone, they reluctantly come to an agreement for the girl’s sake, deciding that they would continue with the arrangement they’ve had thus far, only that Rose would switch between caretakers every 3 months instead of every 3 years, giving rose plenty of opportunities to see each of her caretakers just like she wanted. From then on, Rose continues to live her life

5, cont. growing up and learning more and more from each of her beloved caretakers. Although Rose would likely never know what a normal life looks like, living with 4 criminally insane monsters in the remote mountain village in Romania, it would be impossible to say that she wouldn’t have a happy life despite that. Perhaps its because the girl simply doesn’t know any better, so she doesn’t have the ability to see just how messed up her life and her 4 caretakers really are, but i imagine that Rose probably wouldn’t care very much to learn even if she had the opportunity. She’s a happy little girl living a strange but enjoyable life with the only family she’ll ever need. What more could she possibly ask for?

6. As for how Mother Miranda would play into this whole scenario I’ve just drunkenly spat out, im honestly not 100% sure. Ive seen some people suggesting that MM just kinda chills and lets the lords do what they want with Rose, but tbh I honestly don’t see that happening in this universe. MM would still have been just as crazy and driven to get Eva back as she was in canon, so i doubt she’d willingly standby and let her “false children” take away her one shot of getting her real child back simply because they didn’t want to hurt her, i just don’t personally see that happening. The two most likely scenarios i can come up with is that the Lords either banded together and look Miranda on together, their combined forces being enough to take her down and kill her, OR, Ethan is the one to take down MM like he did in canon but he passes out before he can get to rose, giving the lords (who he hadn’t ended up killing but just escaping from i guess) the opportunity to slide in, grab rose, and hightail it out of there, leaving Ethan’s body to be retrieved by Chris, who, due to not seeing or hearing Rose anywhere, believes that Rose must have been accidentally killed along with MM, which he later tells to Ethan and Mia. Regardless of how MM gets taken out of the picture (or if she’s given room to potentially come back later), the 4 lords retreat with Rose and begin the whole cycle I explained up above, but i did want to briefly address how I saw MM fitting into all of this since she is a vital part of the original story and the biggest obstacle to the lords having anything to do with Rose.

Anyways, that was so much longer than I intended it to be but I had so much fun with it just because it gave me the opportunity to spit some fun ideas and potential plot points out about this cool AU that I like and hope someone does SOMETHING with, please god someone do it, I’d do it myself but i have enough projects at the moment unfortunately. If you managed to make it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading all of that, I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoyed at least some parts of this, and maybe even agree with some of the things I said. Feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments, I’d love to read them and hopefully if enough people like this maybe i will actually do something with it. Who knows? I certainly dont. Anyways thank you for reading all this, i hope you have a great day, and maybe ill see you around in another post. Bye!!! <3

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spookyboywhump · 3 years ago

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alleeeeeen what game what song omg please scream about it

WELL SINCE YOU ASKED-

I’m sorry I go full nerd down here

The song in question:

It’s a fan song for the game Bioshock! It’s a first person shooter game that came out back in 2008, it’s kind of a survival horror game but I wouldn’t say it’s all that scary. It takes place in an underwater city called Rapture, which looks like this by the way

And some interior shots

For me, the setting is the main draw of the game, it provides such amazing atmosphere and it’s just so beautiful. There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to the ideas presented within the game but unfortunately I am stupid, I cannot get into all the philosophical stuff. Anyways

The city is in a state of disrepair and decay, it’s very post apocalyptic, but instead of zombies, the most common enemy you encounter are Splicers. Splicers are what happens when someone overuses ADAM, a thing in the game that essentially rewrites DNA and gives you different powers, you have to spend ADAM to get these things (you recharge that bar tho with EVE). You get ADAM from little sisters, these freaky little girls

I’m using a picture from the second game because the graphics are better but it’s basically the same deal. I think they’re kinda cute.

They gather ADAM from corpses with these huge needles, and they’re protected by these guys, called Big Daddies

They’re fucking terrifying

You have to get through them to get to the little sister, which is how you get ADAM. You can choose to harvest or save them, as they’re genetically modified and just kinda fucked up. You get more ADAM if you harvest them, but I choose to save them because 1. It feels nicer and 2. Whether you save or harvest them determines your ending

Anyways the point of the game is to fight your way through Rapture to get to Andrew Ryan, the city’s founder, and off him. You’re guided through a radio by a man named Atlas, and along the way you’ll hear bits and pieces about a man called Fontaine (I can’t remember his first name rn lmao but they usually just call him Fontaine anyway) there are other characters of course but yeah

Now, the game came out in 2008, and takes place in the 1960’s so. There are some questionable things but I feel like a lot of it is meant to be seen as a bad thing, not glorifying it. Also I don’t recommend this game to anyone who doesn’t like needles, as there are A LOT, and the only way to get more EVE in your body is via injection which is shown, every single time.

OH also, the game has a hacking feature. You can hack security cameras and turrets to attack your enemies, you just have to solve this like puzzle mini game. I fucking. Love. The puzzles. I’m proud of my speed on some of em lmao. Unfortunately they took this feature away in the next two games. Also throughout the game you can pickup video diaries from various people, which gives you more info on the story and the way Rapture was Before.

I just really fucking love this game. I can’t even fully explain why I just DO. The last time I played, I beat it in one sitting, and when I was done I just started sobbing and hyperventilating because I was so overwhelmed by how happy it makes me. The setting is beautiful, being underwater, Rapture has this very Art Deco aesthetic, it’s so lovely. It’s genuinely one of my all time favorite games, and I didn’t even cover everything here to avoid going into spoilers for anyone who’s actually interested in playing/watching a playthrough. Thank you for letting me scream. I’m feral. This game makes me need to scream from excitement

#BIOSHOCK GO BRRRRRRRRR #thank u anon uwu #not whump #Allen.txt

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

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hi miss cat!! I was just wondering if there’s any advice you would give to a high school freshman/rising sophomore?? sorry I know I’m a bit young to be interacting on your blog but I’m just,,, so lost.

my freshman year ends on May 28 and I just realised how fast this year flew by, and I’m never even gonna get it back…

I didn’t get off my ass and run for an officer position in the clubs I’m in even though the opportunity presented itself many times and I can’t stop beating myself up over it (metaphorically that is)

the only thing unique I did this year was run for student council and um that didn’t work out too well HSDMGFK no surprise there

but on a more serious note I just don’t really have the motivation to do anything right now and this is gonna sound really funny but it’s giving me such a hard time even though it’s self imposed ://

I don’t know why I can’t find motivation to be involved at school

maybe I would be more active if I knew what I want to major in or be in the future?? I used to want to be a biochem major but then I realised I wouldn’t be happy with that lifestyle or salary and now I really wanna major in business but I also feel pressured to major in econs because my dad is an econs major and my brother will be entering college as an econs major this fall so like ;;;;

thankfully my family wasn’t as affected as other families or people during lockdown because I fortunately live in Singapore and the lockdown was a bit less than two months, and the situation here was taken care of quite well. some of my relatives live in Seoul and I also have some relatives emigrated to Washington DC way before the pandemic so I was a bit worried but they seem to be doing fine!! which is again why I don’t understand my slump

because I was in a slump I had shitty grades and ended semester one with such a shitty GPA and such terrible grades that I literally didn’t qualify for APUSH next year which idk if I wanna take or not but still, it would’ve been nice to have the option…. and I literally got a b in biology which is so fucking terrifying because if I had done worse I wouldn’t have even qualified to take AP bio or chem

I mean I am putting effort but not enough for me to get better grades than I do right now so I genuinely feel so lost :// I’ve no idea what to do after high school and my grades aren’t good no matter how hard I try :// like, I’m not even kidding I have tutors for my hardest classes but I’m still not;;; getting good grades…

I honestly feel the urge to start cultivating hobbies that I stopped doing but idk if i should.. like I could spend that time studying, you know?? I’m scared that the rest of my high school career will fly by just like my freshman year did and I won’t even notice it… and my finals are literally in 2 weeks….

and as I’m typing this I realise I have a Chinese test tomorrow and another Chinese test next Tuesday so ummm I gotta go study sorry about all that rambling!! I just don’t have anyone else to tell sorry if this burdened you!!

miss cat if you have any advice to offer I would really really appreciate it!! also I’ve sent like 2 other tells rambling about your fics and idk what to feel rn cuz a few weeks ago I was crying about p*ssy blocked on your blog and now I’m sitting here pouring my heart out:;; but anyways thank you for reading!!❤️

- 🥰

hi, sweetpea 💕 oh gosh, it’s been... almost 8 years since i was a rising sophomore asjhdflkasflkhsakl i feel so old rip and it’s ok, you don’t have to apologize! my blog is sfw, so it’s alright, lovebug :’) i’m gonna give my two cents / advice in regards to each part of your message, instead of my usual numbering, so i hope that’s ok! 💓

i’m sorry to hear that this past school year has been tough for you, honey bee, and that you’re having a hard time ): i know what you mean with motivation... some days, i just don’t wanna try anymore and it’s just like... what’s the point? i worked this hard and didn’t get the results i wanted, so why am i still doing this? it’s disappointing, i know, but i suppose the thing that pushes me forward is that, well, it has to get better at some point, doesn’t it? if i keep going, if i keep pushing myself, if i keep trying, my efforts will be rewarded one day. one day, it’ll all be worth it, honey bee 💛

and while you regret not running for a club position this year and how your freshman year went, make sure to not regret it next year and go for it during your sophomore year, lovebug!! run for a position!!! you’re still so young, and you have so much time ahead of you, sweetpea. enjoy the moment, spend time with your friends, join more clubs that interest you, etc. you got this 🥳 please don’t end up regretting next year as well - become more involved next year and run for an officer position like you wanted to this year 💘 i believe in you, lovebug 🌷🌷

and running for student council was a big step! you should be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there, honey bee 💗 even though it didn’t work out in the way you hoped, you gained experience, and that’s important too!

also, heck yeah for majoring in business, sweetpea 🤩🤩 as a double business major, i support you :’) askljdhfkals ngl econs was my least favorite business class though, so big props to your dad and brother for majoring in it 🤧 i felt that pressure too because my dad and sister both majored in engineering, but in the end of the day, you have to remember that this is your future and your happiness, not anybody else’s. choose what you want to do, honey bee. this isn’t your dad’s choice nor your brother’s choice, it’s your choice. they’re not the one that’s gonna have to study all your classes and do your job in the future. it’s you, and i know it’s hard, but you have to block out what everyone else says and choose what’s best for you.

if you aren’t sure what you want to study, is it possible to take classes for different majors? perhaps, that’ll help you decide! or you can talk to upperclassmen who are in the majors that interest you, and you can see which one appeals to you the most 💕

i’m so glad to hear that the situation there for you is going well though, lovebug! 💛 and i’m happy that your family and relatives are doing well too 💞 sometimes, slumps just happen, honey bee unfortunately ): it’s like i don’t want to feel this way, i’m in a decent place in my life, but why do i feel this way? it has to do with mental health, and my best advice would be to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. they truly are really helpful and can help you understand better why you feel this way and help you reach a better state of mind.

i’m sorry to hear your grades didn’t end up as what you expected, lovebug ): (and as someone who took apush, it is not fun rip i do not recommend aksjhdflkas you dodged a bullet there) but as a positive way of looking at it, what class can you now take instead of apush? is there another class that you’re excited to take? and a B is still good!!! forget the what if scenario, you still made it to AP bio and AP chem, and that’s what matters, and i’m proud of you, honey bee 💖

personally, i think there’s a healthy balance between cultivating hobbies you like and studying. i don’t think you would want to look back on your sophomore year and have all your memories be of you sitting at your desk and memorizing ionic bonds and plant cell organelles. yes, it’s important to study, but it is also important to have fun and have hobbies that help you destress and relax and make good memories 💗so i’d say go for it, lovebug!!! indulge in your hobbies and find something you love doing! maybe that’ll inspire you to find a major in a similar subject?

best of luck on your upcoming chinese test, honey bee, and i hope your last one on tuesday went well 💜 aaaa i kinda put my advice here and there throughout my response, and i hope it all makes sense for you, sweetpea :’) also omg alksjdhlfakshjdf thank you so much for sending in asks about pussy blocked and for reading it, too 🥺💗💗💗 that means so soo much to me, so thank you, lovebug 💛 i hope life treats you kinder, and that you’re doing better this week! i’m sending you all my love, support, and well wishes, honey bee 💌💌 (also that’s such a cute emoji anon !!! 🥰🥰)

#asks #anonymous #🥰 anon

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a-shakespearean-in-paris · 4 years ago

Text

Author Interview

thanks for the tags @princessvicky01 @rpgwarrior4824 and @galadrieljones!

Name: on A03 it’s actually AParisianShakespearean.

Fandoms: In total? Dragon Age, Game of Thrones, RDR2, DBH, Resident Evil. Like to start for Last of Us soon as well

Where You Post: I post one shots here but only post longfics on A03. (Though of course, one shots go there as well.)

Most Popular One-Shot: A Knight to Remember, Jaime and Brienne’s first time. I only know because at the time of publication, GOT was blowing up on A03 and my jaw was dropping at the engagement compared to more settled fandoms like Dragon Age.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Love Song on Sapphire Isle, which settled my rage over GOT’s ending.

Favorite Story You Wrote: It probably depends on my mood but I’m going to say Our Immortal Longings because unlike my other longfic, it’s a continuation of the game’s good ending and I actively came up with the plot instead of following along the game’s timeline. Plus it’s just the most “me” story I’ve written.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: My first fanfic ever, In Waking Dreams, because I was throwing something into a void and didn’t know what to expect. Also, my first smut ever was pretty terrifying, Water and Skin.

How You Choose Your Titles:I like phrases that sum up the theme, or quotes from Shakespeare. (OIL is derived from a Shakespearea quote, as an example, so is my RDR2 fic, and current Jaime x Brienne fic.) Worked for John Green and the Fault in Our Stars, right?

Complete: In Waking Dreams, Our Immortal Longings, and Love Song :D

Incomplete: Her Infinite Variety (GOT), Anyway You Want It (Dragon Age) and The Sweetest Sorrow (RDR2)

Do You Outline?:Usually not when I begin, but as I go along I find it necessary to know where I’m going, though i am flexible and understand sometimes the story goes were it must.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started:More chapters to Anyway You want it and her Infinite Variety, and after that hopefully some original fiction.

Do You Accept Prompts?: I used to a lot, then got burnt out. Because of my busier schedule I like I just focus on my long fics.

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Well, aside from wanting to write original fiction, I’m interested in creating an OC for the Last of Us franchise, mostly because I just want to write some one shots or a smaller novella where Joel is happy and soft (tm). Despite being ambivalent toward the sequel, I do genuinely find the world fascinating and interesting beyond that.

I’d add hyperlinks but I feel lazy RN, lol.

I will tag @ma-sulevin @muse-of-nightmares @alyssalenko @agentkatie

#tagged

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hella-free-space · 5 years ago

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Life update nobody asked for :)

Hoooo weeee... we're like 3 weeks into 2020 and i know the world is lookin r o u g h rn... but i just wanted to take some time to shout into this wonderful dark blue void we call tumblr for a sec

I put all of it under a readmore, but tl;dr is that i got time off of work this week and next week to write some more fishy articles for yall! Also i filed for divorce last nov, which should be finalized by may, and i am so SO excited for this year :)

2019 was a rly wild year... i think its the most personal growth ive experienced and i dont regret any part of it (even though some parts were genuinely terrifying or rly hard to go through).

I lived somewhat independently for most of it (i rly loved having a place to myself :3 even tho taking care of it and myself and all the kiddos was sometimes hard, it was wonderful to have so much freedom and independence).

I made lots of new friends :D

I filed for divorce! (this ones a big'un and by far the best! Itll be final in may hopefully). I had to say goodbye to the cats and the dog (i couldnt keep them and my ex was the one who brought them home originally. He moved to a place with a backyard and more people to help take care of them. It was definitely in their best interest but I do still miss them♡).

I moved back in with my parents, but got to keep all of my other babies :3 the pumpkin patch sling im raising went thru their first molt (fingers crossed they continue to eat like a tank and grow up big n strong). My hamster is an old man now but the vet said hes lookin great for such an old man :) it makes my heart happy that he'll be around a while longer ♡

I got a raise at work! Ive had this job for over a year now and i like my coworkers. Bossman gives us days off when we ask and cooks everyone home made lunch when he comes in once a week :p

I decided to take time off of school to sort out my life and academic habits. Most of it has to do with anxiety (hence the counseling) and developing healthier coping mechanisms. Also figuring out what I really want to do... because i dont have to consider how my career will affect anyone but me now... so im switching to environmental science :) it doesnt pay as well as computer science, but im more passionate about it and even when i went thru a rly bad depressive episode last year and failed half my classes... i aced the heck out of my ES ones and enjoyed the material :)

I signed back up for counseling! Went to my first appointment last week and my therapist is super dope.

I wrote some freelance pieces. (Which i have been very very slow to finish recently... i hope to have some more turned in soon tho! I’m sending in my tiger barb care article today and I asked for some more days off at work to be able to work on freelance more! Ive only had 1 day off per week for the past few weeks @.@ but I had 3 days off this past week so no excuses!!)

I started new hobbies! I got a sewing machine for xmas (shout out to my mom, who is the dopest woman i know) and am excited to try some more challening projects :p i made some simple stuff, but i really wanna make plushies!

I finally found a dnd group and its SO MUCH FUN :3 ive only been to 2 sessions now but the dm is great and also patient about all my newbie questions :3 reddit has also been v helpful ^-^ I’ve also been having a ton of fun dndiying stuff for my character (like spell cards/stat cards) and making miniatures with sculpey (first time working with polymer clay, so thats been cool too) :3

---

Going into 2020 im really excited to travel this year. I’m going to denver next month!!! and possibly a cruise with friends at the end of the summer?? we’ll see :p I’m also excited to get more into my new hobbies (DND, sewing, miniature-making, etc) and getting back into to older hobbies (terrariums, scrapbooking, snail mail, etc). I’m trying to go back to school in the fall as well so fingers crossed my change-of-major gets approved >w<

all in all though, i’m hype for 2020 and i hope everyone has a good year too :)

#roni replies #not fish #life update nobody asked for

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victorfrankendork · 5 years ago

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guess who’s sad and gay on this fine night? ME.

who knows if i’ll ever finish this fic or if it’ll just stay self indulgent snapshots of an idea to satisfy my need for M O R E, but i’m crying over this bit in medias res rn, and i’d like you all to cry too if you so want. pls join me under the cut:

(((context if u desire: au where eddie also got caught in the deadlights like bev the first time they faced IT––and so did stan, but this is a reddie fic i’m trash ilu stan and bev i’m sorry––and three out of seven losers have been plagued with horrifically vivid nightmares for decades involving the deaths of people who are seemingly strangers. twenty-seven years have passed since that summer, twenty-two since he left derry, and eddie starts having v different weird af dreams where he’s just sitting around talking to this asshole he doesn’t even remember knowing until it all comes back. only they’re not dreams, he’s really talking to this asshole, and IT is back, but remembering the past and falling in love all over again is just as scary as a murderous alien clown.)))

“No, we’ve kissed before.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Do you remember that last night, at the end of summer after we graduated, right before we both left?” Richie asks, and there’s something that sounds almost excited in his voice, in a tentative sort of way. The kind of thing that tells him whatever he’s remembered is something big, or at least it was something big to him. He knows that feeling, knows what it’s like to have a memory suddenly knock the wind out of him, coming back in such vivid detail it almost feels too real, just like these dreams. Hearing that in his voice, even if it hasn’t come back to him yet, makes him excited, too, eager to have that memory back, to know whatever it is he’s feeling. Part of it is a little terrifying, though, to not know what he had done, to have such large chunks of his own life just gone, only hitting him again when prompted by a word, or a sight, or a touch. And maybe it’s even more terrifying considering what it is they’re talking about now.

He didn’t remember that night, but he doesn’t say it, certain, even with no concrete evidence for it, that he’ll remember as soon as he needs to, and not a moment before. All he does is shrug slightly, frown creasing his forehead, and if his heart is beating a little faster against his ribs wanting to have that memory back, he doesn’t think too hard about it.

Richie goes on, clearly trying his best to conjure up the memory for him, as well, speaking as if it’s only just fully coming back to him as he says it all out loud again.

“It was just us, or at least it was at the end of the day. I think maybe someone else was there before… I can’t remember… a friend? Shit, I don’t know… But I know that we were alone after a while, and things kind of shifted, I guess. It was hard not to be sad, I mean, of course it was; it was the end of summer, and the end of our childhood. I think you said that, I sure as shit didn’t. Of course you would say it, the end of our fucking childhood. Sounded like a character straight out of a shitty coming-of-age movie,” he laughs, shaking his head, a fond smile crossing his lips as he looks back at him.

It feels like Richie’s looking at something Eddie can’t see, though, his younger self, a self he can’t even remember being. But maybe what matters is that Richie is remembering. “The thing is, that it was the end. We were both leaving the next day, and we were going to be on opposite sides of the country. We were all going to be on our own for the first time. We weren’t going to be together anymore…”

As Richie describes it, something in his voice changes, and Eddie can remember it clearer and clearer. There’s the creeping sensation of dread just beneath the surface, and he can’t tell if it’s from knowing that it had happened at all, that it had ended, or a phantom sensation leftover from being eighteen, the memory itself gifting that to him.

They had gone swimming, late that afternoon when the sun was high and the air was thick, had tired themselves out in the water then laid out on the rocks to dry off, lazily drifting in and out of sleep, talking absently about what they thought college was going to be like, reminiscing about days that felt long gone on the horizon of adulthood. And then they’d walked through the Barrens. The Barrens. Shit, how had he forgotten about the Barrens? Where the best moments of their childhoods had taken place, memories only just recently coming back into focus. They’d wandered absently, until they had come upon that old clubhouse of theirs. And soon enough, it was dark, and the two of them were alone, and something about the air had felt just as heavy as it had in the middle of the afternoon, even as the sun set and the coolness of a late summer night settled in.

Richie was in the hammock, and he had jokingly gotten in, too, only it wasn’t a joke. There wasn’t anyone around to watch, to laugh at their bickering, or the way their suddenly too long limbs didn’t fit so well together in the hammock anymore, impossible not to tangle legs together, skin pressed to skin, touching, touching, touching.

He was suddenly very aware of how quiet it was in the clubhouse, only the nearby sound of crickets chirping, the rustling of leaves, twigs snapping every so often. Impossible not to focus on how it felt like his throat was closing up when Richie rested a hand on his leg, but not in a way that made him need to pull out his inhaler. It had been so quiet, for once, neither of them wanting to break the fragile peace, something anticipatory about it, and he had felt a lot like his heart was going to burst from the silence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from saying, I’m going to miss this, I’m going to miss you.

And they had both known, without needing anything else, that he meant something different then as opposed to when he had said it to the others as one by one they drifted apart. Eddie had realized something oddly comforting, in that moment, as he said it.

There are different kinds of longing, different kinds of missing someone.

For once in his damn life, Richie had been silent for longer than a few seconds, just looking back at him with a slight frown creasing his forehead. Weighing the risk, weighing the reward, Eddie realizes now looking back on it. It was awkward, the way he had pushed himself up to sitting in the hammock, knocking knees, the whole thing swaying dangerously, and Eddie had thought, for a terrible second, that he was just going to get up and leave, and it would all be over like that. After all, he had crossed an invisible line they’d been dancing around for years, one he hadn’t even realized might exist until that moment, certainly not one that he fully understood even then, and that was the end of that. The disappointment that washed over him felt deep, and unfamiliar, something different than just saying the wrong thing in front of a friend, a joke not landing quite right. It would be nearly funny, looking back, just how clueless he let himself be, all because of a fear of something even greater than what might happen if he let himself feel what he felt. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

The thing is, though, that he remembers how it went, and it wasn’t the way he had been expecting. Because Richie didn’t get up to leave. No, he had scooted forward, so that he was sitting between his legs, the sudden weight concentrated in the middle of the hammock making Eddie slide towards him, forcing him to sit up straighter, too, so that he didn’t end up fully in his lap. Before he could do much else, though, Richie had leaned forward and pressed a quick, nervous kiss to his lips. It wasn’t much, but it had been everything to him in that moment.

A kiss. His first kiss. And with a boy. With Richie.

And the world didn’t come crashing down around him as soon as their lips touched. They were fine. He was fine. Better than fine, even; happy.

(He hasn’t been happy since then, he realizes now. He wasn’t happy again until all of this started happening, until he was allowed to remember.)

It had taken another long moment of silence once he pulled back before either of them spoke, but it said more than anything else that neither of them had bolted as soon as it happened. Richie didn’t look any less terrified, and he had still felt like his heart was going to explode in his fucking chest, but all in a good way, because how could something that felt so nice be bad? He didn’t know what it meant, could hardly even comprehend that it had happened at all, but he was glad it did. And there had been something there in the pit of his stomach that begged for it to happen again.

Does that mean you’re going to miss me, too?

It had come out less teasing than Eddie planned, voice barely more than a whisper, like even the smallest thing could have disturbed the secret moment they had created. A little too genuine, like he couldn’t quite believe Richie meant it, that he might take it back if he had the chance, that he was just teasing with that, too, like he always liked to tease him. But Richie wasn’t like that, still isn’t, from what he can tell, and he had let out a fond breath of laughter, the frown finally smoothing out, relief flooding his face. He seemed more confident suddenly, when he had reached out and put a hand on Eddie’s cheek.

Of course, I’m going to miss my Eddie Spaghetti. Nearly as much as I’ll miss your mom.

For once, it had drawn an unwilling laugh from his lips, the noise a little strangled, much more focused on the first half of it to really give a fuck about the joke.

The second kiss, Eddie was the one who closed the gap between them.

When he looks back at Richie, he’s got that familiar look of fear on his face, the same sort of fear he had had all those years ago, of being truly known, of what will happen if he’s honest, like maybe this time the response isn’t going to be good, maybe twenty-two years is enough to change things completely. And Eddie gets it. He understands the fear better than most people, having lived with it so deeply ingrained in a different way, that he hadn’t even let himself consider that something like this might be true until he’d been literally forced to, both then, and now. The thing is, though, that it doesn’t matter what changed, what they lost against their wills, they have it now, in this strange dreamscape. And there’s even less reason to be afraid here, almost like they’re back in the clubhouse in the dark, with only each other, and their secrets, free to be honest.

He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, looking back at Richie with a newfound perspective. This isn’t the first time they’ve been here.

(He wonders, though, if it will be the last.)

“I missed you, like I said I would. Even if I got turned around for a few years in the middle there,” he says, quietly, the teasing gone from his voice now.

“You did?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised by the information, and suddenly Eddie can see what he saw, all the fear, and eagerness, and desire of the Richie of twenty-something years ago, memories colliding with the present, changing everything, and somehow keeping it utterly the same.

“Yeah,” he nods, a soft smile slipping over his lips. He reaches out and puts a hand on his cheek, thumb brushing over stubble, the sensation bringing back another round of memories. And then he gives him a rough pat on the cheek as he goes on. “Wish you hadn’t brought up my fucking mother after kissing me, though, asshole.”

The noise that comes out of Richie’s mouth is kind of a laugh, shocked and a little too loud, definitely not attractive, but somehow it just solidifies everything he’s just remembered. It solidifies everything he’s been thinking since falling asleep one night, weeks ago, and waking up next to this too loud, too tall idiot in his fucking dreams.

He’s fucked.

#reddie #it chapter 2 #it 2019 #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #it's been literal years since i wrote fanfic i can't believe this is where i live now #this is unedited but i'm enthusiastic so #i've got 45 more pages of reddie nonsense where this came from

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grizztomysam · 5 years ago

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You know what I’m most excited to see for Grizzam in season 2? Everyone will think...the reunion of course. I mean what else is there but that sweet sweet moment.

No my good friends, contrary to popular belief the scene that I’m dying to see play out or scenes, cuz the possibilities are endless, is when Grizz goes all out Bear protective mode for his blue-eyed babe. I’m not pinning Sam down as some damsal in distress because the boy is a strong ass mother fucker for surviving all those years with a fuckin psychotic brother and still turned out to be this sweet ray of happy for everyone, but I think Grizz just won’t be able to go against instinct in wanting to keep his love safe? I mean Grizz is a protector, it’s in his DNA, besides the fact he was in the guard (default affect from being in the football team) but like he genuinely wants to keep people safe. Exhibit A, Allie, who he’s grown to really care for, the first thing he questions when he arrives from expedition is why she bleeding? Protective mode on full blast. So what more for the damn LOVE OF HIS LIFE (you don’t feel and cry that much and feel betrayed and angry for someone you would consider as last resort cuz there is now no one else and why the hell not see how this gay life plays out)?? I’m literally shaking with anticipation with how the dynamics will be shown on screen. Whether it’s trying to keep Sam from the guard or Campbell soup or even a whole new character.

Cuz like Sam is selfless, to a fault, and also a fucking protector (how many times has he kept Becca from harm when the damn teens decide to play “let’s see who gets shot first”?? So he’d want to probably protect Grizz before Grizz could protect him.

Imagine Campbell doing his Campbell thing (Imma take out the whole breaking up Grizzam or eden dies etc etc cuz that’s too heavy rn and lets be light, people) and just being a fucking dick to Sam and before Grizz can go in between them Sam’s pushing him away and behind him...I mean smol boy protecting Tall boy...le dead. And Grizz gets so frustrated and angry and also scared because what if Campbell brings his gun next time?

Like he’s shaking with anger cuz he’s terrified...Campbell doesn’t scare him. He’s big, he knows this, towers over most people, and can legit squash Campbell if given the chance. He’s a softy, yes, but boy is also hardcore. HE WILL THROW HANDS best believe. What terrifies him is the HIGH ASS possibility that Campbell can hurt Sam and not just hurt but kill him. So he’s fucking pissed when Sam goes all heroic and won’t let him be the protector.

Is fuming when they walk away, cuz he knows Campbell stood down not because of Sam but because Grizz was looking at the damn boy with murder in his eyes. Fuming because Sam was out in the damn open where Campbell could really hurt him.

We know Grizz can be dramatic so he gets dramatic, stops Sam by grabbing him by the waist as they turn the corner and pushing him against the brick wall of the church, and Sam looks back startled, confused. And damn why are his eyes always so GODDAMN BLUE?? Grizz for a min forgets and stutters, one hand gripping Sam’s hip to the wall the other has now grasped his jaw, running his thumb by the space between Sam’s lips and his chin, a comfort thing he does sometimes.

And he remembers...is desperate as he asks, gasps really because he’s drowning “What the fuck, Sam!? Why’d you push me back??”

Sam’s face steels as his mouth turns into a stubborn line.

“You don’t have to fight my battles for me!” he speaks and signs, placing his hands on Grizz’s chest as he tries to push him back.

“The hell I DO!!” Grizz stands firm grabbing onto Sam’s wrist and holding him in place.

“He could have had a gun!!”

“Well he didn’t and I’ve done just fine before we even became a thing!” And Sam’s is twisting away but can’t seem to pull from Grizz strong grip so he settles on looking down, refusing to look at Grizz because now the subject will be dropped.

And fuck why does he have to love such a stubborn independent brave gorgeous boy.

So he places his cheek against Sam’s own and whispers his fears.

‘I’ll die Sam. If I lose you I’ll die.”

And Sam can’t not not know what he’s saying because he’s sure Sam can feel the wet on his cheek now and he pushes his head back looking up, question on his lips so Grizz repeats as he cups Sams face.

“If I lose you, I’ll die Sam. I’ll kill him first, but I know I won’t be able to live without you. Do you understand me? If you die Sam I die.”

And Sam can only blink, the gravity of such a heavy ass declaration, almost pummels into him, his lungs get heavy and how does one breath again? They haven’t even said I love you and now this. But then he’s crying into the kiss that says everything he wants to say back but words or signs or whatever can’t begin to convey.

“If you die, I’ll die too you know. That’s why I pushed you back. He’s taken too much of what I’ve loved from me, he won’t take you too. “

He says this later, his cheek against Grizz’s naked chest, imagining the beat of his heart steady and strong. Falters a little when he thinks of Grizz’s pulse weakening and then stopping, so he pushes those dark thoughts down and clings closer and tighter.

Bullet proof vests? We should invest. Grizz signs.

Oh so he has jokes now...

Sam lifts his head, mouth quirked not amused.

But Grizz eyes say something different. So he smiles soft and small, kisses him slow, this boy he loves so, because they know they really can’t promise things they can’t control.

But they know they’ll both die trying.

Much much later when things aren’t so heavy and things settle back to whatever normal is now, they come to use the words exchanged as a means of greeting or goodbye. Almost in jest because Sam jokes and Grizz can’t help but follow suite.

Odd looks are thrown at them at first, even Gordie side-eyed with a “The fuck”? and Gordie usually flows with it all. But then its a thing they do and people almost expect it, going as far as being able to tell if they’d had a fight because no such phrase is heard.

“ Sam, I’ll die if you die”

“I know, I’ll die if you die”

It’s their hi and goodbye and their I love you.

So again I DONT EVEN KNOW...this is just word vomit and cheese and yeah..But give me Protective Grizz trying to protect Protective Sam and I’ll die happy.

BUT like also Grizz lowkey would get this dramatic I mean “I’m preparing for when I get back” like that’s how the boy flirts??? Mother of all things holy..I CAN NOT EVEN with him and sam and them both.

#Grizzam #grizz and sam #grizz visser #season 2 wish

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blackcoffeeandblankpagess · 5 years ago

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Some vulnerability for your Sunday morning

After a long chat with @runner-vs-theworld yesterday about how I am struggling™ right now I feel like it’s inauthentic not to talk about it more here. Idk part of me knows this is my space and I can post (or not) whatever I want, but I also know that I get a decent amount of messages from people saying they respect my openness or that I inspire them etc. and because of that it’s important to me to feel like I’m being honest. Also, I like to have this stuff for my own purposes to look back on.

Basically, last fall when I had my stress fracture I was in the best mental health mindset I had been in YEARS. I was doing zero in the way of exercise, literally not even walking because I was on crutches. I was going out to brunch every weekend, drinking beer with friends, eating cheese fries! doing things that used to cause so much anxiety and yeah there were times I felt freaked out but on the whole I felt good. I felt happy. I found myself in a relationship and half joked that if I had never gotten hurt that wouldn’t have happened and honestly I believe that is 100% true.

I set out to eat enough and get my period back and I did. I was so proud of myself and couldn’t wait to get back to running and training but doing it in a way that meant I was taking care of myself.

Ever since I’ve been ~healthy~ and allowed to workout again I have basically spiraled further and further down the crazy train. In the fall when I was eating more and moving less my body didn’t change (aside from maybe losing some muscle but I didn’t gain weight). At the time it was mind blowing, the idea that I could chill the fuck out, stop micromanaging, and nothing would change (I realize that it isn’t good to be afraid of that in the first place but let’s save that for another day). I realized that if eating more while doing less didn’t change my body then I DEFINITELY needed to eat a LOT more once I could workout again.

PLUS. I got a DEXA scan when I found out about the fracture and it showed osteopenia in the lumbar spine which is literally entirely a result of inadequate nutrition so I had actual scientific evidence to support me.

When I first got back to school in January and was able to walk around campus and workout a tiny bit I was on top of my shit and making a conscious effort to eat more and somewhere along the way I just..stopped.

Flash forward to this summer and I’ve been eating less than when I was injured, ramping up the running, going on long ass walks because of anxiety, doing 300 other gym things, not sleeping more than 5 hours a night, etc.

To put it simply, I’ve felt like a fucking mess.

When I ran my 10k last week I was so excited to be back out there pushing myself but a bigger part of me was terrified that at any moment my bones could break or something bad could happen because I KNOW I haven’t been taking care of myself. I KNOW something needs to change or I will get hurt again.

I think it’s easy to brush off little actions here and there that aren’t ~good~ with the idea that “I’ll do better tomorrow.” But guess what? It all adds up. You can fix your head and move on from this shit and feel better but the physical damage you’re doing? Eventually you’re going to hit the point of no return and screw yourself over for the future. When I got my stress fracture I was so pissed at my 16 year old self for not eating enough because it was the actions of 6 years ago (and now obviously) that contributed to that. And it is my actions today that are going to fuck me over in the future even if right now the consequences don’t feel “real.”

((this is a long ass post))

So anyway- on Friday, the day after my race, I called my mom freaking the fuck out because I felt anxious about taking an unplanned rest day but all I wanted was to rest, yet at the same time I felt like I might as well just go run so I would stop feeling anxious about it, etc. This has essentially been my approach to exercise for the past month. I have a plan and if I want to deviate from it, to do what ACTUALLY sounds good I end up stressing the fuck out and just going back to the plan because then I’ll “be less anxious” but actually I feel more anxious because shouldn’t I be moving in the way that I want to and the way that feels good???

So long story short (not really) my mom was like you need a break and now I’m taking a week off from formal exercise which if you’ve read this far you’re probably thinking “danielle! you’re a crazy person! that’s not enough!” but something is better than nothing ok.

Also, to go back to food, I have 100% not been eating enough and sometimes that’s intentional in the sense that I feel hungry but choose to ignore it because ~anxiety~ but a lot of the time I just don’t feel compelled to eat that extra snack, etc. etc. because I’ve just trained myself to be that way (not good). Basically what I’m trying to say is that I never set out with a goal to under eat, but as a result of my fucked up brain lately it has just been happening. And I think the under eating coupled with the compulsive exercise has just led my brain to crazy town.

So where are we now? Taking a break. I want to run because I genuinely do love running but right now everything feels forced. I want to run a half in the fall and a full in the spring and not be injured and train because I love it, but right now I am not doing myself any favors.

And eating more. According to the people closest to me I’ve lost weight in the past two months (unintentionally) and I have a gut feeling that even though I totally do not see myself accurately, my body is probably not where it should be. I need to take care of it. And that feels hard and everything feels tricky but I just have to keep pushing forward.

I’ve felt paralyzed with where to begin because there are so many different things to work on and I want to do it perfectly and solve everything and and and. But you reach a point where you just need to fricken start. So here I am, starting.

I know I’ll probably get comments or messages being like are you seeing a therapist/dietician/trying medication/etc. and while I appreciate the concern I have considered all of those things and am doing the things that I think are best rn. (however if you have just general advice or ideas I’ll gladly take it).

I feel like this makes it sound like I’m in a real bad spot and let me tell ya it’s not great but I’m okay. I’m really self aware and I know what I need to do and I’m working on it. There’s a lot of good in my life right now and a lot of reasons to be happy and I’m so grateful. But I wanted to acknowledge the struggles as well. So here they are.

If you read this whole thing damn you rock

#personalposts #recovery

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years ago

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i got hit with major feels after reading the latest AYDTD. please brace yourself for this essay and i hope i sound even a tiny bit coherent. like idek where to start but this story is literally my absolute fave. it has EVERYTHING i want in a fic. seriously. E V E R Y T H I N G. asher is the pairing i have been waiting for 5ever. (1/14)

gaaaah i love how they started off hating each other and then FWB situation and then all the angst and jealousy and now the being in a relationship but still absolutely terrified and waiting for the shoe to drop???? (2/14)

like you have no idea how long i have been waiting for a fic like this and HOW you write them is such a big part of why i like it. i’m sure there are other fics like this (i’ve read a few from the dramione fandom in HP) BUT NONE OF THEM GET IT RIGHT THE WAY YOU DO. like you write them in such a raw and natural way that i can literally feel or at least understand and see just how vulnerable ash and roger both are. (3/14)

they’re both used to fucking things up and now that they have smth good, it’s terrifying them both and i love that in this pairing??? you express that about them so perfectly. you just write them so well, they’re characterizations are perfect. i don’t think i have enough words to express how much or what i love about them??? because i love everything?? (4/14)

girl i’ve read so many angsty fics but you are one of the select few that get it right! like this has everything i’ve ever wanted in a pairing. also i can’t emphasize enough how REAL you write them. the way you describe their emotions and how you fit their dialogue which is also perfectly natural and so REALISTIC. ugh istg this fic of yours is giving me so much life rn like i look forward to every. single. update. (5/14)

i keep reading and re-reading the other chapters. that’s how much i love it?? i’m also ridiculously excited for the part with dominique. like I KNOW that shit will RUIN ME (in a good way of course) but i live for drama and your well-made angst just makes it even better??? i cannot wait for how these two will deal with that and what will go down!! (6/14)

idk if it’s just me but these two are so relatable IMO. i’ve become so jaded about love and relationships and your fic has managed to encapsulate everything i’ve ever thought about and felt when it comes to those two things. (7/14)

ash’s hesitations towards anything serious with roger and her fear of smth getting messed up so she doesn’t want to dwell on the good things or label anything like i get that??? i get the hesitation to not want to get caught up in anything bec nothing is perfect and smth’s bound to go wrong. there’s just smth so real about that and you’ve managed to capture it perfectly with these two. (8/14)

i love that both of them don’t know what to do with all their feelings and how you write them struggle with it feels so forking real. i love reading about a pairing and seeing everything they go through in their relationship and when i say you’ve hit all the right spots for asher, girl i’m totally serious. everything going on with them feels real and relatable like these are valid emotions and circumstances that someone could go through?? (9/14)

like i know they’re gonna have a HEA but no relationship is perfect and i’m so ready to read about all the stuff coming their way and how they’re gonna get through all that like ugh just imagining all the angst and drama is making me so excited but also knowing they’ll be happy in the end isn’t a total spoiler either?? the stakes are still real? anything could happen??? (10/14)

i can’t wait to see what each character will do to fight for their relationship and work things out??? mygosh i LIVE for this stuff??? all the angst and dramadramadrama!!! how you make their struggles so fricking real just makes the ending so much better like whatever happens to these two, they deserve that HEA. (11/14)

listen if you need to take a break, delete prompts and ask for new ones etc, girl YOU DO YOU okay??? don’t let anyone get in the way of your inspiration or your writing. i will literally fight people if they drive you away from this and it affects AYDTD. (12/14)

it would be so devastating if you end up abandoning the story cause people are being dumb or whateva (unless of course it’s smth personal and whatnot then girl i would understand that i don’t wanna sound selfish or anything). i’m forever grateful that you shared this masterpiece to us like idk what i would do once this ends (probs read it like everyday all over again)???? (13/14)

the realism in your writing style is really just perfect for asher and i’ll never get over this story. wow this is embarrassingly long and ALL OVER THE PLACE so i’m not coming off anon, i just had to get all my feelings out 🙃 i’m sorry for the multiple messages??? ANYWAY i can’t believe this word vomit i wrote, TLDR: AYDTD IS PERFECT. I LOVE IT. YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING. YOU ARE AMAZING. THIS FIC IS EVERYTHING. THANK YOU FOR WRITING ASHER AND SHARING IT WITH US. (14/14)

P.S. all the moments between asher in the latest update was so perfect my heart literally melted during the part when ash wasn’t upset that roger got a song idea while they were making out??? that was so adorable and they’re so cute i literally cannot shut up about them okay i’m gonna stop now byeeee

It took me a while to post this because it absolutely floored me. The idea that you've connected to my story in such a way is so overwhelming and I'm so unbelievably glad I was able to write something that you've enjoyed so thoroughly. I don't know how to respond to this, I'm genuinely so overwhelmed and appreciative. I love you and I wish you all the happiness in life, thank you so much for taking the time to send this. 💖💖💖

#anonymous #fav #call and reponse

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masonjar828 · 6 years ago

Text

So this is in response to an ask me thing I reblogged. Thanks @kylorenpunk for once again making me do them all 😂 but I ain’t no quitter so let’s begin shall we.

1. Selfie; as seen above

2. What would you name your future kids?; If I could have sole control of naming my kids, I’d go with Zephyr for a girl and Red Nalloh for a boy. I always liked the word zephyr and I like the palindrome name that would come from naming my son that.

3. Do I miss anyone?; I recently moved to the west coast and left a lot of close friends behind so I miss each of them every day.

4. What am I looking forward to?; I recently interviewed for a job I’m pretty excited about so I’m really looking forward to hearing new news from them!

5. Is there anyone who can make me smile?; Legit anyone who ever says or does a kind thing to me I will think about from time to time with a little grin.

6. Is it hard for me to get over someone?; I don’t have too much experience needing to do so but I feel like it takes me a normal amount of time to get back on the level after being with someone 😂😅

7. What was my life like last year?; I was a senior in college man...life was a ball of stress and sleep deprevation for months.

8. Have I ever cried from annoyance?; Not really. It honestly takes a lot to make me cry usually. BUT! Show me something with heartwarming feels and a tear or two will always come.

9. Who did I last see in person?; My aunt while we were watching a movie.

10. Am I good at hiding my feelings?; Maybe? I feel like I am but I also know my poker face is garbage so I could be suckish at hiding my feelings too haha.

11. Am I listening to music right now?; Yes! The new Greatest Showman Reimagined album and it’s utterly amazing!

12. What is something I want right now?; I want more than anything rn to hear back from some job somewhere because I’m so in need of a post-college job 😂😅

13. How to I feel right now?; Bit of a headache and fairly tired but overall pretty happy! Listening to the rain outside helps.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged me?; About 20min ago when I said goodnight to my aunt lol.

15. Personality description; I feel the best way to describe my personality is a hyperactive ball of music and useless facts who usually does anything to help my friends, usually at the expense of my sanity at times 😂

16. Have I ever wanted to tell someone something but I didn’t?; There was a time where I desperately wanted to take a risk of telling one of my closest friends just how I truly felt about her but didn’t because I didn’t want to risk ruining the friendship that meant too much to me.

17. Opinion on insecurities; They are a thing everyone experiences and should never be judged on, but I do feel like the only way to truly become better as a person is to actively work to identify and try to work on overcoming or coming to terms with them.

18. Do I miss how things were a year ago?; The constant stress, absolutely not. The friends I got to see daily and never get to see and rarely talk to anymore, all the goddamn time.

19. Have I ever been to New York?; State, yes. City, also yes. Went this past summer to see Hamilton live and my god it was one of the best shows I’ve ever experienced! ☺️

20. Favorite song at the moment?; Hardest question in the world to ask me since I listen to and love so many so songs at once. The one currently stuck in my head is Zac Brown Bands version of From Now On from the Greatest Showman Reimagined soundtrack.

21. Age and birthday; 22 and August 28th

22. Description of crush; No crushes at the current moment but I usually like women a tad shorter than me, with amazing eyes, and a personality that is fun and nerdy so we can make stupid puns and jokes to each other.

23. Fears; Only one real one and it’ll always be snakes. Fuck those venomous and scaly bastards.

24. Height; Like 5’9”-5’10”ish I think?

25. Role model; My dad for sure. He is one of the most loving and caring people I know who can be outright terrifying if he needs to be.

26. Idols; I’m not really the type to idolize anyone tbh 😅 I feel like idolization can be a tad unhealthy.

27. Things I hate; The thing I hate most in the world (apart from snakes, fuck snakes) would have to be the sound of silence (not the song I love the song). Silence weirds me the hell out and I’m not about it.

28. I’ll love you if...; I’ll basically love you if you just show you genuinely care for me and have my best interest at heart. If you do that I’ll basically fight for you til the very end.

29. Favorite films; Star Wars for a series, Airplane! for a individual movie.

30. Favorite tv shows; Brooklynn 99 is my current binge. Others tend to be Star Trek: Next Generation, Cosmos (think this is considered tv), Friends, Avatar, The Last Airbender, etc lol.

31. 3 random facts; About me I’m guessing? I can solve a Rubik’s cube in about 30sec. I can sing the lyrics to literally each and every track from the Hamilton soundtrack. And I can bake recipe for cookies I’ve had friends literally fight over blindfolded if I have the ingredients all lined out first.

32. Are my friends mainly girls or guys?; Girls mostly. Guys tend to annoy the hell out of me most of the time. Even my best friend in the world can annoy the shit out of me fairly easily 😂😅

33. Something I want to learn; How to play literally any instrument. At all. I have wanted to learn for ages but I am just not good with instruments at all.

34. Most embarrassing moment; I tend to repress my embarrassing moments a lot so the first one that comes to mind is when I was talking shit about a professors godawful and stupid teaching method after being given a test he taught us like 30% of and turning around to see him 10ft away and definitely hearing what I said 😐

35. Favorite subject; Any math or chemistry really. #chemicalengineeringlife

36. 3 dreams I want to fulfill; Fairly easy I think. Find success in an area near my family so I can stay close with them after years of being unable to. Find a partner who I can be happy with the rest of my life. And be financially stable to never need to stress about living day to day.

37. Favorite actor/actress; Actor I think Chris Pratt. Actress Anna Kendrick.

38. Favorite comedian; John Mulaney without hesitation.

39. Favorite sport; Tennis. Can’t play it for years and not love it.

40. Favorite memory; Ooh hard one. I think it would have to be the time my family went camping to a place in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada when I was younger and I was able to see each and every star in the sky like I had never been able to before. It made me start to love space and science as a whole looking into that beautiful endless abyss.

41. Favorite book; Hate this because I love reading so so much and it’s like having to choose a favorite child. I think the one I most often reread would have to be The Hobbit though.

42. Favorite song ever; Bohemian Rhapsody I would guess counts the most since it’s the one I will always go back to and enjoy. (Also if you haven’t seen Bohemian Rhapsody the movie yet it’s insanely entertaining and I recommend it hard)

43. Age I get mistaken for; With the beard grown out some age definitely mid-20s, without the beard I’ve been called 18 or younger multiple occasions.

44. How I found out about my idol; See idol question above.

45. What my last text message says; “Goodnight”, sent to a friend I was talking to as they were very close to passing out.

46. Turn ons; If you’re able to engage with me on an intellectual level and be able to just be fun and goofy with me.

47. Turn offs; Trump supporters, Naxi sympathizers, and people who refuse to accept scientific evidence for things like vaccines and climate change.

48. Where I want to be right now; In bed, which luckily I am! 😝

49. Favorite picture of my idol; See idol question above.

50. Starsign; Virgo I believe.

51. Something I’m talented at; Random useless fact storage to be used at bar trivia nights.

52. 5 things that make me happy; Being with family, listening to good music, reading a good book, baking something delicious, and long drives with deep talks with friends.

53. Something worrying me at the moment; Not getting the nice job I interviewed for after the interview going as awesome as it did.

54. Tumblr friends; I have a few friends who have tumblrs like @kylorenpunk, @thepunmaster3000, and @be-inspirational-to-others. Though any mutuals I have I would love to become more friendly with so please feel free to send me a message sometime 😂😋

55. Favorite food; Probably chicken Alfredo I think.

56. Favorite animasl; Dolphins and tortoises 🐬🐢

57. Description of best friend; Tall dude with a short trimmed beard. Musically talented in basically any instrument I can think of. Movie lover to the point of almost insanity. Funny dude who also calls me out on my extremely dumb jokes and puns all the goddamn time.

58. Why I joined tumblr; I was told about it by a friend when I needed to vent a lot and she had me make one. Vented very rarely but enjoyed the weirdness of the site.

59. Ask me anything you want (I’m guessing for who asked me this); @kylorenpunk, why the hell do you make me always do all of these? 😂😅 I don’t mind but lord does it take forever to type all this junk out.

#ask post #lots of answers #selfie #for the first time on this site I think #mutuals #feel free to message me sometime #just not these questions again #😅

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