#I’m on act 4 rn but I still have a few more things I gotta do before I finish the act

[circusfable]

Lmao I haven’t even gotten the ending with Loop bc I didn’t know about it on my first playthrough (I went into the game completely blind like I didn’t even know the game was about time loops blind) but I keep seeing things about it and I’m losing my mind I need to finish the game again so bad

[breitzbachbea]

📓?? 👀

Okay, okay, okay, so -

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

The Ancient Olympics AU (which I talked about with @crispyliza )

This AU came into being after I relistened to the "The Ancient Olympics" episode of the history/comedy podcast "You're Dead To Me". It had the interesting information that a lot of Olympic winners actually came from Sicily & South Italy! So naturally I began to wonder what might have happened if my Sicilians ended up in Olympia ...

Dramatis Personae:

- Michele Vento (APH Sicily, my OC) as Trainer of the Bontade Twins - Marco & Lorenzo Bontade (Human OCs of mine) as Athletes from Syracuse - Herakles Karpuzi (APH Greece) as Athlete from Athens - Timothea Simonides (Human OC) as Herakles' Trainer - Omar Simonides (Human OC) as ... Good question? Co-Trainer to Thea ig

The Happenings™:

- Lorenzo and Marco want to compete in the upcoming Olympics as runners. Michele,probably a distant relative to them who lives close, becomes their trainer.

- The Sicilians roll up to Olympia, most likely a few days early because travelling is an adventure in these days and it doesn't hurt to have a few extra days to get accustomed to the terrain.

- Michele also definitely loses the Bontade twins 10 minutes after arriving at the sanctuary bc he wasn't looking for 0.5 seconds. So now he lost his boys at a place that currently contains approximately half of Magna Graecia.

- The reason he wasn't paying attention? Some athletes were preparing themselves nearby, bucknaked of course. Amongst them Herakles. Michele has always been a sucker for strong arms and legs, so that plus Herakles' beautiful face has him swooning from the get go.

- After he recollects his twins, they spend the next few days training, as do the other athletes, which is when Herakles notices Michele's looks.

- Christina (crispyliza) had the galaxy brain idea that Herakles intentionally flirts with Michele to sabotage the Bontades success at the games. It's an idea that he comes up with together with the Simonides - to be completely fair, it was probably Timothea's. Omar: "My, looks like you've got a fanboy." Herakles: "And what a pretty one at that." Timothea: "He seems to be a bit shy about it, though. Or maybe he's actually after those twin brothers?" (They figure out he's the Bontades trainer) Timothea: "Oh, he's a trainer! Pretty sucky at his job though if he's oogling the competition so much." Omar: "All the better for us, though." Timothea: -oil lamp ignites over her head bc light bulbs aren't invented yet-

- While we're at the Simonides: This was before it was mandatory for everyone to be naked, so Timothea managed to sneak into the games by posing as a man. Omar helps her with it, since he's trans and thusly got experience. Christina also had the hilarious idea of them having fake beards, which is just, YES. Timothea definitely cut her hair and they made whatever beard is in fashion in Athens at the time out of them. Their mother Natasa used to be a famed winner of the Heraea, the woman's games also held in Olympia.

- So let the games GreSic flirting begin

- The Problem: Michele doesn't want his boys to think he's betraying them for a rival athlete. He also really wants Herakles to rail him. The Solution: Find ways to be sneaky and secretive about it so the twins don't have to find out. Here is one of the possible scenarios I had for this: "When I first thought about this, I also had this scene in my head. Idk how accurate it works, bc it involves a tent and in the ydtm episode they didn't mention how people were housed during the games. (Like, I am sure there were guest houses, the temples probably offered some places to sleep, both of that but in upscale fancy for all the rich and important people attending yadda yadda.) Do you know that trope(?) when someone has sex but is trying to hide it? That. Just Michele sticking his head out of the tent, clutching at the fabric to keep everything else closed. Tells his twins, who looked for him, he is kind of busy rn. Tries is best to hide the fact of what is actually happening and to make them leave. It works. Kind of. Because as soon as they are gone, Michele sighs with a :| look and tells Hera to stop. "But why?" "Because you would have to nail every corner of this tent down and then they'd still find a way to spy!" Which is exactly what the twins ARE doing. They are trying their best to get an unnoticed peak from one place of the tent. But because it has to be subtle, all they get to see is feet and they either don't hear them or don't recognize Herakles' voice. I don't think he is the person to go out of his way to pick on people or pick fights in general, so they probably haven't had much interaction. So Michele smoothes out his chiton annoyed and leaves the tent, to then just stomp around enough for the twins to notice him and pretend they weren't doing what he knew they were doing."

- One day however, Marco & Lorenzo are missing their trainer and can't find him. They run into Thea & Omar, who are missing their athlete. Hm. Weird. Wonder what's that all about :)

- They end up catching Michele and Herakles in the act, just out there somewhere underneath a tree, which, naturally, makes the Bontades VERY upset. Lorenzo: "What do you think you are doing?!" Omar, in his head: 'Herakles, obviously.' Marco: "He's the COMPETITION, Michele!" Both: "You've left us all alone for THAT?!" Since the Simonides were in on the whole thing, they're not surprised just disappointed that Herakles vanished without a heads up. "Well, that ain't sprinting practice."

- The most hilarious thing is that could not even tell you who wins the race. I didn't even think about that part until yesterday. I'm kind of particular to the thought that it's somewhat of a photo finish with the three of them, but the twins come out on top. Since there can only be one winner, they flippantly let one of them be chosen by the equivalent of a coin toss. So technically, either Marco or Lorenzo has won, but they keep both parading around with the wreath and insist that the inscription to them mentions them both as winners. Now, if they got their way is another story, I didn't read any academic articles on this at. all.

- Second place is as good as last in the Ancient Greek world, but Herakles takes the loss in stride. Timothea is probably the one who's most upset. Marco: "Hah, so all your flexing - " Lorenzo: "and all your fucking for nothing in the end!" Michele: "Hey, I'd like to think I'm a reward in and of myself, not an obstacle."

Sequel Bait:

- Back home in Siracusa, Michele gets asked if he doesn't want to train his cousins, too. The ones from Neapolis. The ones Michele can't stand. However, his mother talks him into it and he agrees. Extra funny because Lovino & Feliciano were also talked into it by THEIR parents. So Michele spends the next four years butting heads with Lovino, knowing fully well their mother will rip his head off if they don't do well. Lovino is of course hiding his giant insecurities about disappointing his loving father & mother behind snark. Michele will arrive at Olympia with four athletes in two this time and looks like he aged 40, not 4 years from all the stress.

- Herakles is no competition this time, though! He wants to try his hand at wrestling this year. However, very quickly after his arrival, he butts heads with a fellow wrestler from one of the Greek colonies in Asia minor. Only thing's more annoying than his big mouth, which he shares with his wrestling buddy, are probably the flirtations coming out of it & Herakles can't wait to show him his place. (Yes, I do know that the Turkish people came into the area that is modern day Turkey far, far later, he should be of another ethnicity [and he gotta be Greek to participate, anyways] but. Is any of you really going to deny me Herakles and Sadık wrestling, bucknaked, covered in oil? I'd hope the fuck not.)

[m0e-ru]

eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

---

HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

---

Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

---

VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

---

Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

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And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

(1:15:56)

UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

[spooky-activity]

Just a little update on Cassandratopia 2: Electric Boogaloo (Or as it stands in my Google Docs folder rn, A Helping Hand). I’ll put it under the cut cuz it’s kinda long. 

I just wanted to say that I’m still planning on actually doing it, despite all evidence to the contrary lol 

I did Cassandratopia in a haze of graduating from college(where I was studying animation) and just having ended my first dnd campaign as a dungeon master (which went 3 years!). I was fishing around for internships, but since the pandemic had just kicked off I wasn’t having much luck. So I had a lot of creative energy that wasn’t getting channeled anywhere, and a lot of free time when I wasn’t applying to places. Which is how I did 4 pages a day several times per week. Which was insane. 

As it stands, I’m running 2 dnd campaigns(one meets weekly, the other every other week or so), and just scored a full-time internship at a video game company! The campaigns I’m running are a homebrew open world, which, for those of you who aren’t too familiar with dnd, is a metric fuckton of work to prep for each session because I have no idea what my insane friends and siblings are going to try and do every time we play. 

Anyways all this to say that my storytelling itch is kinda. Sufficiently getting scratched atm and I have a lot less free time. I’m still plucking away at the setting/refining the story of A Helping Hand, but it’s largely on the backburner. Cassandratopia was also, uh, like the first story I’ve ever told in any sort of format besides the give-and-take of dnd, so... I’m not used to having so much control over the narrative. Oddly. I’ve never thought of myself as much of a writer of stories; my main focus is character animation, so someone else is usually writing the stories I’m telling anyways, which is super cool with me. Honestly I’m surprising myself with how much I want to tell this story, which is why I’m still sure I’m doing it. Just. Slower. Than Cassandratopia got done. 

But I’ll share a bit of the lore I’ve been cooking up! Specifically about Zhan Tiri and The Drops. The story will be told in an extremely dnd type setting, because that’s the kind of narrative I’ve told before and am comfortable telling: hard magic rules, neat fights, scary monsters, a dash of eldritch horror, and huge emphasis being put on magical artifacts(kinda like in the show!). Here’s some stuff that’s basically locked-in. 

Zhan Tiri

Zhan Tiri is one of the many Demon Lords of the Abyss. She’s kind of a mashup of two of my favorite Demon Lords, Zuggtmoy, the Lady of Rot and Decay, and Pale Night, the Mother of Demons and Queen of the Night(with just a dash of Hannibal Lecter because who doesn’t like helpful, polite, manipulative-ass bitches lksjflkja;fj). Her domain sits almost exactly between the Sundrop and Moonstone, largely being the new growth that comes from death, and the endless cycle of life and death. Places where her influence is strongest includes the cracks in... Well anywhere really, from society to the planet’s shell, where metaphorical or physical rot could grow; musty, mostly ignored places where something could fester. Iconography related to her would include endless mazes, fungi, grasping skeletal hands, and rotting/blooming corpses. Her spores can animate corpses, which she likes to use as mindless minions when she doesn’t feel like sending one of her Acolytes. She shares a scrap of her power with those few mortals she likes. She appreciates ambition and the desire to Grow to be bigger than what you were to start with, as those are qualities she herself possesses. 

Incredibly intelligent and merciless to those she deems her enemies, her main thing is pulling the strings from the shadows and seeing just how far she can push people to act with as little prompting from her as possible. She does, however, have the power to kinda bulldoze her way through things if she needs to, but she doesn’t like to because where’s the fun in that? 

She first gained interest in the Material Plane when a Wizard with too much hubris from said Material Plane(Named Demanitus) contacted her trying to figure out more information about The Drops and how to control them. After indulging him for a bit, she started preparing to make a summer home on the Material Plane because it’s New and Fun here and Wow These Mortals are Really Fun to Mess With! And some of them she even genuinely liked! Demanitus then realized his mistake and locked her away in Pandemonium for what he hoped was forever, but turned out to be only around 1,000 years, due to the efforts of her followers. Her little stint in Pandemonium magnified the more... Chaotic aspects of her personality, so now she wants to cover the Material Plane in blooming mazes of fungal crops that she can break people with at her leisure. 

The Drops

The drops are two semi-sentient pieces of one original artifact, whose original purpose was to be a tool of creation for the gods. Which, through some great calamity(still deciding that one), got sundered and settled into the two basic aspects of creation: the nearly unlimited well of life-energy which organizes stardust into planets, cabbages, and kings, and the “you gotta crack a few eggs to get an omlette” destructive force which breaks down what the sundrop makes so that it can make more. 

The main goal of the drops is to reunite. I would want to as well if I was ripped in half! This manifests as a... General tug in the direction of the other drop. A desire in the host to Go That Way. It can be resisted, and even ignored for a bit, but it’s always there. Like being hungry if starving wasn’t a danger. Just a bit uncomfortable if you aren’t going That Way, but ignorable. 

Both drops generally try to be as helpful to their wielder as possible, as originally they were a tool of creation to the gods. They are innately obliging. They’re also REALLY UNSAFE FOR MORTALS TO BE MESSING WITH. The Sundrop is a little safer because the most it can do is kinda. Overcharge you into something distinctly not human but still alive, and King Fredrick was lucky he made the Sundrop into soup before giving it to Arianna. But King Edmund got his wholeass arm blasted off for touching the Moonstone. 

The Sundrop

Best I could whittle it down, the Sundrop has power over life energy, like the sun’s light. It also has power over the energy derived from geothermal activities, so deep sea creatures Are Not Immune To The Sundrop, which was a funny thought that crossed my mind that they could be, but that will likely never come up anyways salkdjf;ljsf It is, in its basest form, Growth and Progress. 

It’s a little sentient, but very much entrenches itself into whoever is holding it at the time. Like another mind looking through your eyes and seeing what you see/feeling what you feel while still retaining a bit of individuality from the host. It’s not... Parasitic because it’s in its nature to give, but it’s generally pretty firmly attached to whoever is holding it until they die( which isn’t usually for a WHILE. It ’infects’ a new host when one dies, usually a plant near their grave...) or until a solar eclipse. It wants what they want, but it’s very fussy so they have to ask it for power exactly correctly(like singing an incantation every time you want to heal someone, or doing a Ritual involving lots of very specific ingredients, Celestial Alignments, and Secret Words) or it won’t listen, like an orchid dying if the ph balance is off in the soil by a little bit. But it’s generally pretty intuitive to use, because it wants what you want and (as long as you ask right) is willing to help. 

Anyways basically under the influence of the Sundrop you get a few things: 

Basically limitless energy coursing through your body while you’re in a place with sunlight, which equates to rapid healing, mostly, because every cell in your body is being supercharged with free energy. Never getting exhausted in direct sunlight. (If Rapunzel lived in a place that was sunny 24/7 like near one of the poles she wouldn’t have to sleep like. until it started to get dark in the opposite half of the year. Then she’d have to sleep like a regular human being)

You stay at your prime, or if you are past it, revert to your prime. Someone who is holding the Sundrop, or who has regular access to the Sundrop’s magic can’t die of old age or illness. They have to be hurt beyond the Sundrop’s ability to heal or have it taken away from them. 

The ability to share this rapid healing with others (if you ask right)

The ability to freely draw on the raw, near-limitless energy of the sun to shape into things like cool-looking energy blasts (only if you ask right) 

The Moonstone

The moonstone has powers over varying levels of destruction: from destroying things by ripping them apart/ to Not Letting Things Be Destroyed(also known as protecting) by freezing them in indestructible rock. Like the moon, it can ‘reflect’ a bit of the sundrop’s power, so it can kinda provide energy, albeit a lot less than the sundrop can provide. It’s the inevitable march of The End of All Things, fertilizing the fields of time with the ashes of the old so the new can take root. 

The Moonstone is a bit more in the dark(pun intended hehe) when it comes to bonding with someone, it can only try to figure out what is going on based off the emotions of its wielder, and through anything directly touching the Black Rocks. Because of this it’s... Kinda dumb? It tries to do things to help(Like shooting red fear-rocks to try and scare away whatever must be scaring its wielder so badly) but often fails spectacularly at helping. 

Under the influence of the Moonstone you get: 

Mortals get Neat Body Armor that’s actually just you being turned into a rock! They are very fragile! They need to be protected! The best the Moonstone can do to try and preserve you is to Stop All Destruction by.. Pausing all bodily functions indefinitely. Rocks don’t need to eat, sleep, or breathe, and almost nothing can destroy you if you’re solid Black Rock. The weak reflection of the Sundrop’s energy keeps the host animated, but they’re not exactly alive anymore. Like cryostasis. Wounds (if any) acquired in this state won’t be a problem because they’re not messing anything up, because nothing is technically working in the first place, but they will be a problem when you’re not protected in this way anymore. It’s a cosmic ‘I’ll deal with that later’ button, essentially. 

Like the moon, the Moonstone can reflect the light of the sun. It uses its rock crystals to do so, which can even split the sun’s power into different shades, like a prism. Essentially, different colored rocks can mean new and exciting power sets. 

Blue Lightning! The Moonstone can reflect the Sundrop’s power, so it also has access to pure bursts of energy, even if it is weaker and colder. 

The Moonstone is very helpful, but usually has no idea what you want. ‘Asking’ the Moonstone for more control over its power in the same way you would Ask the Sundrop for more power reminds it of the perfect bond it used to share. The Moonstone’s incantation deepens the bond between wielder and Moonstone in such a way that it actually knows what you want from it, giving you near perfect control of its powers.

*This is kind of just a side note of the Drops: While the Moonstone is weaker than the Sundrop in an head-on fight, it could hold its own if it were on the defensive. Redirecting the power instead of trying to overpower and such.

** Cass made of rocks means I get to draw her skeleton :) not in every picture that would be fucking nuts and way too much work alskjdf;lkjs;fv

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

self harm tw

this might come out like a vent thing but i have no queer friends to talk to and am too scared to make friends

i (f17) have been thinking that i might be bi for over 2 yrs now and am very very very paranoid about people finding out about it and recently read comp het and a few things related to it and i think i might be a lesbian but this just hit me like a fucking truck and just i CANNOT be a lesbian i can't even say it out loud tho i couldn't do it with bisexuality too but i don't want to be gay i want to be straight and all of this is just crushing me so bad i have my exams amd school work pending, I'm failing my classes, i used to self harm like a year ago and stopped after 3 4 months i think but i am back at it and it's worse this time.....i have no one to talk to coz i am also very shy and even my best friend is being distant or is just saying ok whenever i try to talk to her about this which i understandable as she is straight and doesn't get what I'm feeling like and it's a lot and i know this will sound super dumb but i tried to "become" straight like i unfollowed every queer acc and scraped every rainbow colored thing in my room i started trying to limit myself in any way and make sure i don't act "gay"(dress wise behaviour wise etc) and i cannot do it i just can't happen to change it and it's only been 4-5 days.......i don't want to be gay, if i were straight i would have never self harmed or did as badly i am doing in school rn and like it's my final yr and the marks matter and just i don't know; i don't even know what i expect you to reply to this honestly

im sorry if this is a lot to unload on you

You cannot “become” straight. That’s literally why conversion therapy doesn’t work. It’s impossible. Your sexual oriantation isn’t something you have any control over. It’s just what it is. It might change naturally but you cannot ~make it~ change. Because sexual orientation isn’t sticking a bunch of rainbows to your bedroom wall (or scraping them off). It’s whom you are attracted to - that’s not something anyone can control.

And that’s a fact you have to learn to accept because otherwise you won’t ever be able to move past this. You are what you are. Whether that’s bi or gay or some other shade of queer remains to be seen, I guess. But you cannot just force yourself to be straight and trying so will only make your mental health worse because you will keep failing at it. Because it is impossible.

You gotta learn to accept that you are queer. And in order to do so I recommend the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing. Follow more queer accounts. Slab all those rainbows back on! Read up on queer history. Try to talk to people about it - if you can’t do that offline then do it online. Find queer friends on tumblr or join a queer discord server. Show to yourself that you are not alone.

And as for your mental health and self-harm: if you have access to it then pls think about getting professional help from a queer-friendly therapist or some kind of queer counselling. Ask google if there is a queer resource center in your country or your specific area that you can contact to ask for help and guidance. They might be able to refer you to people and resources that can help. Other than that, try to find less dangerous coping mechanisms by looking for alternatives to self-harm.

Just like you cannot will yourself to magically be straight you cannot just make your mental health better over night. It’s gonna take time and energy. It isn’t a cake-walk for some people. And that’s still okay because it’s worth it in the end. Also, keep in mind that you are going through all of this in the middle of a global pandemic - which for me as a 31yo is already mindblowingly tough on my mental health. I can only imagine what it’s like for teenagers to go through this right now on top of the regular teenage struggles AND on top of figuring out one’s queerness. You might think it doesn’t have anything to do with your struggle at school and your queerness but everything’s connected, kiddo. For people who are prone to isolate themselves (which you basically said you are, being shy and all) this pandemic situation can really strengthen that character trait for the worse. So please try to reach out to people. I’m proud you’re already doing so by messaging us. But try to keep doing that. Talk to people as much as you can and don’t shy away from asking for help.

You might currently not like being queer. But you are. And you gotta make your peace with that. So take a deep breathe, accept that your queerness is something you cannot change and then take your baby steps towards being okay with it. And then going from “okay” to actually loving it. it might take a while but it’s worth it. You are worth it!

Maddie

[karma-jinx]

ML New York Special Babbles *Spoilers*

Ok so! Coming outta me hiding hole to bring you this ramblings. These are just my thoughts after seeing the new episode. This ones a LONG one.

I’m told that this particular episode takes place between seasons 3 and 4. A sort of bridge episode maybe idk. I mention this because there are some things it connects to in the past and introduces some new stuff. (In regards of what’s going on in Paris.)

The ep starts with LB and CN yet AGAIN fighting Mr Pigeon. Apparently for the 51st time. He wants to take the Eiffel Tower to space with his piegons???? Idk just an excuse for the hero’s to use their new power ups. Which tbh is kinda lame because we don’t even see them in the new forms for very long.

The light hearted banter between LB and CN about the rose was kinda nice. I say this because it seems like CN is maybe FINALLY going to give her space and not try to woo her every moment. Tbh I can’t recall if he actually did flirt with her in that scene. So that’s cool. (Boy did stroke his own ego by kissing his muscles.)

Marinette really out her denying she still simps over Adrien. (She does it through out the entire episode and no one believes her claim that she’s over him and that they’re “friends”)

Also uh.... so Miss Bustier is preggers???? Interesting cuz I thought she was single since we’ve never heard of any sort of partner she may or may not have. Also its Miss, not Mrs so I don’t think she’s married? But idk she can’t go to the trip so Ms Mendeleiev goes in her place.

And can I just say how hurt she looked when the students complained that she’s lame and wouldn’t be as fun as Ms B. Yeah Ms. M is strict and all but she’s fair across the board. Unlike Ms B. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about just look up Ms B salt.)

Random but why was Chloe SO Adamant in not wanting to go to New York? I mean didn’t she want to go to New York with her mom? Was it cuz it was a class trip instead?

Lila was there too but fuq her honestly. Lila was only there to push Marinette to claim they gotta convince model boy’s das to let him go to New York with them.

Why’d the WHOLE class go to Adrien’s house if Marinette was the only one let inside? Sure it could be argued that either the dad only allowed her in. Or her classmates pushed her to do it alone since it was her idea. Either way seemed unnecessary for them all to be there. That’s just my opinion.

Side note as this was happening Adrien and Kagami had another fencing match. (One she won becuz boi was having sad times)

But she him!!!! And such an odd scene too becuz it LOOKS like she MAY have kissed him on the lips. But I don’t think she actually did. I say this because Adrien showed no reaction to it until she pulled away. He was still sadly looking at the ground until she was leaving. So???? I still don’t think they’re a couple. Yet????

My girl Marinette being a responsible hero trusting CN to look over the city in her absence gives him a flipping kitty alarm. I want that!

Random comment but ofc marinette would miss the bus that’s taking her to the airport because why WOULDNT she right?

Luckily friend Luka was there to haul ass to catch up on it on his bike right? (Is he a wimp or not? Like???? Yeah we know he likes her but he also treats her like a friend. So idk of this scene is him kinda simping or him being a good friend.)

That plane scene huh? I feel like some ppl are gonna be mad about what happened. As the trailer shows Marinette and Adrien are seated next to each other. When boarding the place Adrien is actually happy, maybe even excited to see Marinette.

He runs down the aisle to help her with her things and find her seat. He even tries to help her work the ac over head. All in all he’s just happy to be near her. And everyone might’ve thought FINALLY some progress right? Only to see her beg for help because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t spend HOURS seated by the boy she likes.

Why? Because at the end of season 3 we’re told that she chooses to bow out in the race for his affections because she thinks he and Kagami like each other. She couldn’t handle a few seconds by him so she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle hours seated by a guy she still very much likes but chooses she can’t have. As frustrating as it is I can at least see WHY she acted the way she did.

Alya and Nino being 100000% over these to but still trying to help them out. The patience they have for their idiot friends.

Everyone on the plane as it’s being attacked: scared and full surprised.

Alya: *nerds out about the super heroes helping*

She still hasn’t changed huh?

Why’s Majestia’s daughter and Android? I really wanna know the story there. Idk how to spell her name so I’ll be calling her by her hero name. Uncanny Valley, which I also want to know why is that her name. As well as the full extent of her powers.

Yay for Sabrina having fun away from Chloe for once.

Why are there SO many heroes in New York anyways? And some are random af. A guys who’s ability is that he can open a door to where ever he wants to go.

A hotdog hero with ketchup and mustard theme sidekicks? (Maybe)

Dude makes hotdogs filled with random temp abilities. Which explains wtf I saw a clip of Adrien and Marinette dancing in the air.

Sooooooo..... does everyone just think of convoluted schemes? Or meddle in things just willy nilly? Anyways Uncanny Valley and Jess’s scheme to “help” Adrien and Marinette confess sure was top tier wild idea. Alya and Nino just WENT WITH IT! They’re just like, “kay sure why not?” Sure ok!

Ladybug and Chat Noir are an efficient crime fighting duo. And Paris’ sworn protectors!

Can’t function for shit as civilians.

LB has sole custody of their brain cells. What happens to it when they change back is a mystery to me.

CN is an idiot for never telling LB that he was leaving Paris. Til it was too late and problems were happening in Paris. Caused by Mayura. Rip Natalie who seems bed ridden? But also if the miraculous is fixed is she still going to suffer the affects from when it was broken? Or is she healing from that?

Anyways a messy fight ensues. CN hurt he broke his Lady’s trust and almost killed Uncanny Valley. If LB weren’t there to fix things who knows what would’ve happened?

Still, he gives up his ring and is forced to leave since his father blames Marinette for convincing him to allow Adrien to go to New York. SCREW YOU GABRIEL BITCH NEEDS TO GET DUNKED ON IS ALL IMA SAY.

(That was a NASTY skid Marinette did. Like OUCH)

Why did Majestia’s skin tone go fucking white in her civilian form???? Her and her gf/wife’s skin tone was just, weird?

On topic of random/weird why did Jess HAVE to pretend she was a boy hero?

The explanation they gave was rushed and weak imo.

The eagles miraculous confuses me tbh. Even after seeing how it worked I’m perplexed by it. But seeing as it takes place in ‘Muerica land of the Free with an eagle Kwami its “on brand”. Sure.

HM really out here really to destroy the world without a second thought huh? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Shouldn’t also be surprised that LB and CN saved the day with their new friends either. The ending was pretty rushed tbh.

LB and CN are thanked/praised for helping. Paris understand why they were absent now.

Jess gets to keep the miraculous and *le gasp* there’s another protector of the miraculous.

Alls well that ends well right?

In all honesty the special was kinda like any other episode. It did bring new lore like the heroes of New York. NONE of them seemed to be miraculous based type of heroes. So I makes me wonder the extent of unnatural aspects that have or could happen to make someone have super abilities. Or am I to assume that it’s like marvel/dc or any other super hero like comic book story. Because it that’s the case then that opens a whole can of worms I can’t get into rn.

There’s also the other guardian of the miraculous. How many more are there? Do they keep in touch? If so why’d Master Fu make Marinette the new guardian???? Just.. jakakandjfns

Why claim its SOOOO important to hide their identities then show how New York Heroes don’t seem to really give af about secret identities?

Might’ve missed some things but this is long af as it is.

[jessisvibing]

for the obscure asks: ALL OF THEM!

Oh gosh okay

1. Fave way to dress

Glam. Like Steve summers, Sami yaffa, and mark slaughter all had a child

2. If I could change anything about myself

Probably either my stomach or my face but perhaps i would just like a new self esteem

3. What movie/game/etc helps me calm down

Rock n roll high school

4. What does your room smell like?

Depends if I wanna use the hot chocolate candle, the marshmallow whatever it is candle or the one that reminds me of Disney.

5. Do you like to organize?

Oh heck I have to be organized or it bothers me.

6. What kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?

If we mean genre then perhaps 2000s Finnish rock. Or maybe 80s glam. But if we’re going for bands Poison and Pretty Boy Floyd never get old.

7. What song is your aesthetic?

MOONCHILD!!!

The song, the video, ALL OF IT!

8. What color do you think goes best with your personality?

Although my favorite color is green I’m usually associated with black or red.

I’ve been told if I was a color I was without a doubt the color black

9. Do you believe in auras?

Perhaps so.

10. What do you wish you hated but actually like?

Apulanta 😂

Well not really but it’s hard to explain them to people. I could probably name a few things but nothing comes to mind off the top of my head.

11. Vague about your crushes.

Well, he’s got the most beautiful eyes and voice and the warmest smile. I think he lives in France with his girlfriend so he’ll never like me but something about him just gives me a warm feeling. He has a message with his music and I just wish I could be like him. Is that too much to be vague?

This ones definitely been through a lot but I feel like I need to try and make a difference in his life. Frankie knows who he is cause I’ve told her this before but ever since I first discovered him I fell in love with him and most people don’t support that I like him but that’s okay. He’s funny to me and his music is comforting to me.

12. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards?

It’s hard to pinpoint my emotions. Especially when I first meet people. Sometimes I just don’t know how I feel about one of my friends that I dated once. Do I love him or not? I’d like to know.

13. An Au or story I came up with.

I have a lot of crack stories about poison and Jekyll and Hyde I’ve yet to write. All I gotta say is cc’s insults give me life.

14. Do you like makeup?

I liked it better on me when my hair was long now I just don’t vibe with it but concealer has saved my life a few times. It’s just better on guys.

15. Do you prefer space or ocean?

Y’know it may come as a surprise but I’ve always kinda wanted to visit space. I absolutely love the stars and I’m kinda a space geek.

16. If I could pick any planet besides earth, where would I live?

I wanna say Uranus as a joke but on a serious note I think Venus or Mars would be neat.

17. What form of government do you like most?

Monarchy. It’s just easier than this american shit.

18. What animal would I keep as a pet?

Omg omg I always wanted a snow ermine🥰

19. What do you think the purpose of our universe is?

Well I’m a Christian so I could go deep into it but I’ll just leave it at that.

20. Do you believe in god(s)?

Yes if my last answer wasn’t obvious enough.

21. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to even tho I like it.

It was hard enough to get into this song but when I discovered why mark wrote it it’s hard not to cry when I hear it.

22. What ex do you miss most?

Well I wouldn’t quite say I miss any of them. I’m still best friends with my most recent. I feel like I haven’t found a great relationship yet. Sorry val babe.

23. Do you like soft fluffy rough or smooth blankets.

I have a fluffy one hanging on my bed frame haha.

24. What is your fave thing to learn about?

Hmm I love a lot of stuff, as much as finnish fascinates me I absolutely adore mythology.

25. What country’s history do you find most interesting?

I’ve been in too many American history classes to enjoy it anymore. The Finnish history is very neat to me.

26. What do you think about genderbent characters?

Heck I used to love them but now I’m neutral

Perhaps depends on the character.

27. What breakup was the hardest.

Oh none hit me very hard but my last boyfriend took it the worst I’d bet.

28. Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend?

Still with Val. I just don’t know how to feel.

29. What do you think about tumblr discourse?

Ugh I came here to get away from it but as long as it’s sporadical and not constant I can put up with it.

30. What instrument do you wish you could master?

I’d just like to pursue bass decently rn, we’ll talk about that later.

One day I’ll drum hot for teacher. I just needa buy a better drum set. I guess just being able to play both instruments decently would be a blessing.

31. How easy is it for you to be honest?

As easy as it is to lie.

I’m very honest and trustworthy but I could also be the exact opposite.

32. Do you have any strange interests?

Oh god okay so while y’all are over here obsessing over guys hands I can’t help but look at their stomach like omg I just wanna lay on it while my man tells me how much he loves me.

It’s not weird but I love Finnish accents. Just less common to hear someone say that rather than English.

Well I could go on and list a lot of stuff but then again

33. Do you have any strange fears?

Peter steele 🤣

Obviously a joke but anyways

34. What food do you binge when you’re lazy?

Fries usually but I could eat pasta or fish sticks or rice galore.

35. When you get angry how do you show it?

Usually through cursing a lot but when I’ve got the hots for someone I curse a lot too. I speak more violently when I’m mad though I probably won’t act as violent as I sound. Don’t be afraid.

However as much as I say it I will gladly break your nose and you’d better believe it so it better not come to that point.

36. Do you have any impulsive movements?

Eh idunno but when I get bored I’ll put my index finger on my nose (up to about my eye. So if my hand is on my nose you better spice up the topic.) oh I also play with my hair when I get bored.

And if I get anxious it’ll be obvious. I’ve also been told when I get scared I have a death grip so if you try and work up my nerves just expect your hand to be broken 😝

37. What do you listen to music on?

That depends. If I want 80s music I’ll go to amazon, if it’s not on Amazon or I want something specific from Spotify then I go to YouTube. If I don’t know what I want or I want Finnish music I’ll go to Spotify.

38. Are you left brained or right brained?

I don’t think I have a brain. As much as my mom wants to tell me I’m left I seem to be more right brained.

39. Earbuds or headphones?

Ugh earbuds. I don’t like headphones unless I’m using my Walkman. Headphones are so 2010s/elementary school 😂

40. Do you like light blankets or heavy?

Meh light. I just don’t get the thing about heavy blankets. Plus they’re frustrating to get settled in.

Yay that was super fun! Thank you!!

[autisticsidesau]

Can I have some Dee facts please

Part three babeyyyy 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part ...

TW: Ableism, Referenced Loneliness, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

So Remy asks “What’s wrong with your brother” and Dee is Immediately on the defensive bc that’s his brother asshole

His first words are “First off- Virgil’s nonbinary. They don’t mind the word ‘brother’ but they/them pronouns.” bc Dee’s gotta establish that first

And then Dee goes “And nothing’s wrong with them. They’re autistic, asshole. And…” is Dee really doing this? “And so am I.”

And Remy’s just there like No Clue what to say

So he says what he thinks is a compliment “You’re autistic? I’ve never noticed it before.”

And Dee is still Very Much on the defensive

And he snaps off a quick “yes” but doesn’t elaborate bc he’s also Scared Shitless bc this is his Only Friend and he’s kinda being an asshole rn but Dee doesn’t want to be alone at school anymore

So Dee takes a deep breath, “Okay let’s start with what you just said. I get that you think you’re probably complimenting me but you’re not. From my perspective that’s incredibly invalidating to hear because it can make me feel like I’m making it all up even though I know I’m autistic” 

Remy feels bad now because RSD, so he just offers a very meek apology

Dee takes another breath. “It’s- well it’s not okay. But thanks. Let’s just… can we sit and talk about a few things for a moment?”

And Remy nods and they sit down on Dee’s floor

Dee gets back up and grabs his snake because he needs the stim and pressure to help calm down and Remy’s just there kinda nervously twiddling his thumbs

Remy: “cool snake”

Dee: “thanks her name is Aristotle, but let’s not get off track here. So there entire time we’ve been friends you’ve been kinda… unintentionally ableist?”

Remy: “Ableist? What’s that?”

Dee: “uh okay so like.. Some of the things you’ve said have been… discriminatory? Towards disabled people.”

Remy: “Oh… oh shit im sorry I had no idea-”

Dee: “yeah it’s fine you didn’t know but… if we’re gonna keep being friends you’re gonna have to educate yourself, you can’t just say shit like that and think it’s fine.”

Remy: “ok… ok i can do that”

Dee: “Would it help if i start off by explaining why what you said and how you treated my brother pissed me off?”

Remy: “Yeah”

Dee: “So when you met Virgil you immediately treated them differently and like a child. Like they weren’t capable of being on their own. That is something that tends to piss Virgil off.”

 Remy: “I mean… I was just trying to be nice? I didn’t know if they could understand me.”

Dee: “Yeah see, but that assumption is part of the problem. Virgil is nonverbal sometimes, meaning they can’t always talk and usually won’t look at people when they talk to them and it might not appear to you that they’re listening, but they do understand. And you automatically assuming they don’t because they act differently? Because they communicate differently? That’s ableist. I’m autistic too, but you didn’t talk to me like that, right?”

Remy: “Yeah? But I guess it’s different.”

Dee: “Why?”

Remy: “… I think it’s ableist so I better not say it.”

Dee: “I mean it’s good that you recognize that. That’s a good first step. But from here you need to change your mindset. I’ll try to talk more openly about being autistic around you but only you because currently out of our friend group You’re the only one who I’m comfortable with knowing I’m autistic.”

Remy: “Yeah, I’m happy you feel comfortable with letting me know and not booting me for being an asshole even though I had no idea I was being an asshole”

Dee laughs, and Remy finally offers his regular smile

Remy: “And I think I get it now. I can work on that. And- I’m not trying to say this as an excuse at all- just, I was never taught this y’know? I mean it doesn’t make it okay and I’m going to try. I just… didn’t know.”

Dee: “Yeah I know. It’s uh- I mean autism has this image. A lot of disabilities do. And your actions obviously aren’t okay, but you’re listening and that’s a lot more than most. I still want to be your friend. But I need you to do this.”

Remy: “Got it.”

Dee: “Oh and uh, you should probably apologize to Virgil.”

Remy: “… Okay I swear I’m not trying to be ableist so call me out if I mess this up,,, but how do I do that? How do I talk to Virgil? I mean- I get that they understand me. But- they use the tablet? Do I just talk? Do I need to do anything else?”

Dee: “No. Just talk to them. They might not look at you- probably won’t actually. But they’re listening. Probably at least. Okay, they might ignore you on purpose because you were an asshole but not because they don’t understand you.”

Dee: “Oh and actually- I mean. We do understand people. But some things autistic people do struggle with. So just,,, listen to us. Don’t assume. Listen. That’s the thing. If Virgil for some reason didn’t understand you, they would let you know. Don’t just assume they can’t understand you right away.”

Remy: “Okay. I can… I can do that. Should I apologize now?”

Dee shrugs, “Why not?”

[starstress]

MCC Aqua Axolotls Live Commentary!

Hello, as said, I will attempt to write down my thoughts and reactions during the MCC. 

Stream links!!

False: https://www.twitch.tv/falsesymmetry

Ren: https://www.twitch.tv/rendogtv

Grian (yes, he’s streaming): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjkgnEi4t9g

Pearl: https://www.twitch.tv/pearlescentmoon

Updates will come as edits, so be sure to check this again every once in a while if you’re interested or just curious! 

To all fans, please be kind to everyone, no matter the team or who you wish would win. You will only embarrass yourself if you harass others or act immaturely and will gain no brownie points with those you follow and watch.

For now, may the games begin and the best team win!

-

Edit 1: Peeps are running a bit late, apparently, Ren is the only one on the team with no aqua colour XD Grian recoloured the headband that Smajor had made for him last stream XD

Andddd, we’re kicking off!!

-

Edit 2: The gong makes an appearance!! Also, the story of the gong!! Grian had bought it as a gag for whenever he and Mumbo record! The team loves it!

Countdown has finally started!

-

Edit 3: The first game is Skyblockle(?)!! Team ain’t feeling too confident about it, but we’ll see! I think they’ll be okay at this. Gri is reading the instructions and getting nervous XD

From now, everything will be under the cut. Warning, it’s really long.

Oof, wood fell in the lava. They still have more :)) They’re sharing tasks pretty nicely, I have to say, but they keep changing plans. Things will heat up quickly, tho, and I’m glad this game is gonna be out of the way soon.

First death in Skyblockle for the Aqua Axolotls: False! Second: Grian!

Doom is on the horizon XD

Rip, Ren has died too, and Pearl has gotten a couple of kills!! 

And the Axolotls are out!

First gong after a game. Rn we’re all watching the other teams. Dream team is holding up well. Techno’s team is out too. Last bid!

Endgame: Pearl has won the most coins, team is a bit disappointing by last place.

-

Edit 4: They have the Uno Reserve card as they were the worst team. 

Game: Bingo but Fast!

Gri is reading the instructions again. Someone in Pearl’s stream is watching 25 streams holy dandelions.

The team is again sharing tasks. This is pretty speedy!

Hearing Gri lament how speedy it all is is so funny. Also, they’re all like headless chickens and a lot more disorganized now. Poor team.

Endgame: Ren’s sweating in unspeakable places lol, but they’re not last anymore!

Pearl’s game just crashed, oh goodness.She’s back in, wooo!

-

Edit 5: Game: Battle box!

Gri is going for the middle. Pearl got so many kills!

First round won!!

Second round lost!

Third round won!!

Ren’s having a hard time breathing, and I gotta say same! 4th place rn.

Game was paused to stop the animations of the NPCs and we got another gong! we chilling for a few mins lol.

WE’RE ON AGAINST THE DREAM TEAM. Aww, the game needs to be reset or smt. 

Oh wow, draw for every team. Fourth round was skipped.

Fifth round - uh SERVER CRASHED

Wowie, the map looks really strange without the resource pack.

First hiccup in 7 event, dang. 

Starting again. Resource pack might no re-appear again. And now I’m laggy, lol

Round 1: lost!

Round 2: won! Gri with the tnt :D

Round 3: lost! tnt did not work this time

Round 4: unknown due to lag, oof.

Round 5: lost

Round 6: unknown 

Round 7: unknown

Round 8: unknown

Round 9: unknown (prob lost)

Place: Last.

Everyone’s laggy, including me lol.

The viewers are being encouraging, which is really great and wholesome!

-

Edit 6: Game: Big Sales at Build Market!

Team is confident about this one, wooo!!

Grian ended up in plants lol. Ughhh, diorate. Communication is key, and it’s very well done!!

They’re building fast and getting resources pretty fast, that’s good.

Grian listing what they need is *chef kiss* False being alert is *hearteyes* and the chats are the real mvps 

Endgame: Place 7. It was pretty intense indeed.

Break time!

-

Edit 7: Audience takeover!! Pearl wants Rocket Spleef, so does Techno. Dream wants Hole in the Wall.

Game: Rocket Spleef!!

Grian’s reading instructions :))) 

This will be intense as all heck. Countdown has stopped, huh.

Oof, apparently it was supposed to be Hole in the Wall, but can’t change. Gri’s prob not gonna have as great of a time as I’d hopped :P

Round 1: Rainbow map, False is out! :o The very first time! Team’s out right before tnt time! Place 6, nice.

Round 2: Uhh, Atoms map?? Grian and Pearl are struggling. Pearl’s out! Gri’s out! Ren’s out! False’s still going.

Round 3: Grian’s finally got the rocket jump. Jump and then launch :D Or maybe not XD Tnt time! Pearl is waiting down at the bottom. She fell, oof. Grian’s having cramps in his hand and, in his words, he’s ‘a goner.’

Endgame: False’s the master of Rocket Spleef! And place 6! Team really enjoyed it, I’m so glad :D

-

Edit 8: Team’s hoping for Ace Race, and it looks like it might be!

Game: Ace Race!

Grian is narrating for all of us, nice! “This is totally Sonic!” he says!

“’Your first time will probably suck’. Yeah, that’s been happening about the entire time!” lmao

Omg, the map is so cool!! Def a fan favourite!! The entire team is having so much fun yesss

All of them are really doing good, Grian and False are placing good.

“Techno, get outta my way!!” -  Gri, and I have to say, mood.

Grian got place 15! Right behind Techno, nice!!

Pearl is 32!

Ren is 35?

False is somewhere behind Gri, but way before Pearl.

Endgame: Everyone had one heck of a time and now they’re trying to find out how to make it in Vanilla Minecraft XD

Place: 9 

-

Edit 9: They dunked the Lime Llamas XDD

Game: Sands of Time

Oof, this one’s gonna be a maker or a breaker.

Oh goodness, they have no one watching the time D:

They’re banking coins, thankfully. 

Oh no, Pearl!! Sand is needed. Grian to the rescue!

Phew, three sand left, thank you Pearl for topping up!!

Intense, gosh, i’m really nervous about the sand!!

Oof, Pearl’s stream froze. It ended, oh no. Actually, it might just be me that has enormous lag (not smt new lol). 

There we go, slow but it’s something.

The sand!! Aww man, right as Pearl got the sand!! They’re out! At least they banked a lot of their coins.

Endgame: We got a nice gong. Place: 5! Overall place: 9!

-

Edit 10: My wi-fi is beating me up with a stick, and it’s unrelenting. Lag is my life now.

Last game: Hole in the Wall

Ren’s gonna have a bad time XD

Round 1: Pearl’s fallen, from what my laggy video will show me. Gri as well. They’re out!

Round 2: Pearl’s still alive, woo!! Glitched right through one, so cool XD

Round 3: lag.

Endgame: Ren’s raging, Grian is really amused by that XD Nice game!! 

-

Edit 11:

Overall place: 9

Time for the final battle!! Gong! Ren wants the gong as stream sound effect :D

Green Guardians vs Orange Ocelots! 

Grian supports Techno bc Techno said he liked him lmao!! The others are Green. 

Also fun fact: Grian could coach a match of dodge ball!

Round 1: Green wins!

Round 2: Orange wins!! Techno’s taking them out!

Round 3: Orange wins!

Round 4: Orange wins!

Grian: “It’s like one of those anime moments!”

Round 5: Green wins!

(Gri went off holy heck)

Congrats to the Green Guardians!!  

- 

Last edit of the night!

That was extremely fun to watch!! The lag and my own wi-fi made it a bit irritating at times, esp since I had to split my focus, but it was pretty good nonetheless.

It’s really sad that the Championship itself lagged so much, I have a feeling it left both a lot of viewers and players feeling frustrated as well. 

However, the new mini game was lots of fun and I have a feeling we’ll be seeing it a lot in the future. I really hope we will.

The team was really good, they managed to coordinate very well, but like many groups who’ve just started working together for the first time, there were times where they could’ve slowed down a bit and reconsidered their plans. Still, the important bit was that they all had a great time together.

Overall, I really hope Grian and Pearl will participate again, even if not on the same teams. I also hope that there will be more Hermitcraft members joining in, even if only for one Championship. I had tons of fun writing this as well, but I think I’ll switch back to occasional posts about amusing things that happen during the games, as it really took a lot of my attention from the mcc itself.

Hope whoever kept up with me or reads this later enjoyed/enjoys this. I’m off to bed now, I’m sleepy and I’ll prob wake up, read through this, and find 10 million little mistakes that I’ll die over. Future me, I deeply apologize, but, uhhhh, no regrets!!

Starstress out!

[6ad6ro]

um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

[princettegil]

There's been something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now but it recently came to a head about a week ago and I've came to realize that the medical field is probably one of the most uncaring amd worst places to work for someone with mental illness! You'd think the medical field would understand, right? Nope! Out of all the jobs I've had, none have been this bad at working with me or helping with my issues. I won't go into detail about what happened but I haven't had much in the way of anxiety attacks in the last couple years (cept for a couple incidents.) All in all, I've been doing stunningly better! However, when I have a job I tend to have a lot more anxiety issues (no matter what the job is, it just seems to happen.) So I've had about 3-4 attacks since I started work at the beginning of this year at a hospital (working one of the lowest rungs that still deals with patient care.) But that's to be expected; I figured that would happen since it almost always does, but I was intent on trying to sticking it out this time. Now, I don't like pity - let's just get that clear right now. I don't like pity, I don't like bothering people, I try my best to at least be as good as my peers at my job and I absolutely abhor bothering people with my issues (be that mental illness stuff or standard job difficulties.) Basically, I try to hold my own as best I can and I don't like to mention my mental health issues unless it's clear they're absolutely becoming an problem. Well, first (technically 2nd but the real first was a very small and not full blown attack) anxiety? A nurse happened to be in the room with me and took me to the main office where they let me chill a little and transferred me to work with a less trying patient. That's good! That seems reasonable yeah? Though what they did I agree was a good move, the way the nurse (an RN mind you) acted towards me was... odd. You'd expect a nurse to be well trained with things like anxiety or panic attacks and know both how to help out and seem considerate, right? Well... you'd be very wrong! Though she wasn't mean she didn't seem to understand at all what was happening to me even after I told her I was having an anxiety attack. She clearly didn't know much in the way of how to help me calm down or even deal with me at all working on her floor. But whatever, maybe she was tired? Nurses work their asses off after all! Maybe she just wasn't well trained with anxiety issues? It could happen. I gave her a pass in my mind but noted how it was strange for her to be so seemingly uncomfortable with a simple anxiety attack, especially one of a coworker. My 2nd anxiety attack went mostly unnoticed and I dealt with it the way I normally do. Took a break to go to the bathroom and try to chill out, stayed there a bit longer than my break actually allows but made sure I was okay before going back to the patient's room to continue my shift as normal. At the end though I made sure to inform my supervisor that I could no longer work with said patient because he was behind my prior anxiety attack as well. They didn't really agree but that didn't disagree with me either that they'd make sure I didn't have to work with him again. Then the 3rd anxiety attack. The big one. The awful one. The one that really forced my realization. Like I said, I won't go into detail on what happened. Lots of things happened that night all at once and some caused serious issues but are unrelated to the topic of the hospital's treatment of anxiety attacks. But the stunning thing I did realize was just how non-understanding and non-accomodating my supervisors (years long medical workers, especially in nursing fields) could be. At one of my last jobs, though they ran everyone to the brink of exhaustion and stress (causing many people to quit around the same time, including myself) they at least we're kind when they realized I had anxiety issues. It didn't actually work out the way they promised but they were willing to work with me and make simple accommodations to help me out (like working in the back when the store got really busy.) They were also very understanding and assuring even though I was terrified that they found out. At another job, though I didn't stay long last the first month's training classes, they were also understanding and my trainer took the time to explain how she understood what anxiety was like and gave me plenty of time and space to calm myself down (we got along so well I even friended her on FB after I quit and she's still really nice to me.) Basically, my other jobs were understanding. They didn't pity me (thank gods!) but they were open, supportive, understanding, accomodating and those coworkers who had been through similar really helped commiserate with me which helped me feel more comfortable knowing I wasn't alone. The hospital I work at now? None of the above! They weren't mean mind you, they technically said just enough to make it so that I probably couldn't sue them for treating me differently due to my mental disabilities (I have no intention to) but it really did seem like they wanted to put in the bare minimum of care to make sure that didn't happen. Did they tell me how they understood that anxiety was difficult to deal with? No. Did they try understandingy issues? No. Did they ask or try to accommodate me (like helping me to find a more suitable job there or letting me know I could ask to switch patients if things got hard? No. Did they seem any bit empathetic or even sympathetic? No. They gave me time to calm down (though they seemed pretty ansy for me to hurry up and breath so I could talk or rather, listen to them.) They said they were worried a couple times (while seemingly sounding and looking like they didn't give a single shit and were simply required to say it.) Did they at all mention anxiety is a disability or offer any tips for dealing with it? Nope! Instead they told me, in only slightly prettier words, to suck it up, deal with it on my own, don't cause problems, and that it's only gonna get worse from here. Not exactly kind or what you'd expect from medical personnel huh? In fact, that's my main concern - it was MEDICAL PERSONNEL! I could see this with grocery store staff or call center supervisors and probably write it off as just being ill informed or more caring about the cash and not the employees. But... trained, licensed, careered RNs and nursing staff!?!? Staff that I KNOW have had to deal with and care for mentally ill patients of all sorts? Staff that likely occasionally have to help out in the adjoining psychiatric center!? People whose job is literally to care for other people!? This is what disturbs me! This is what concerns me! If they treat a fellow employee like this then how do they treat the actual patients with problems!? Look, I know nurses don't have it easy! I have both family and friends who are CNAs and RNs and I know some of the shit they go through and how stressful it is. Especially since starting a hospital job and seeing stuff firsthand, I have MAJOR respect for those that can do such jobs! You guys have to have balls of steel! No... platinum! Dear gods the shit you ppl go through! I can easily see why you'd be frustrated especially with a coworker who can't handle the shit you deal with daily! I get it. I can see why you'd snap at patients and even eventually experience burn out and stop giving a shit in general. Hell, I wouldn't blame you one damn bit! But I would hope most of that would be split decisions, heat of the moment type stuff. Not when you've had almost an hour to absorb what's happened and had plenty of time to think through what to do or how to act. If you treat your co-workers like this, how would someone expect you to treat your patients? Not one of the 6 jobs that I've had treated my anxiety issues THIS BADLY! I'm talking data entry places, places with tiny cubicles, telarmarketing places, call centers, grocery stores, RETAIL stores! If nothing else I'd expect at least understanding from medical field workers! My supervisors, even a few of my coworkers - did not only not seem to understand but didn't even care! I was told by one to pretty much man up or quit! And some of these people, I KNOW have either personally dealt with mental health issues themselves or know someone close who has. Even if you know the job is tough, even if you know it may get worse, even if you've personally dealt with worse - you can't even say something as easy as "yeah man, this shits hard, I get it."? If I ever mentioned how hard my night was, my coworkers in the group chat didn't even care enough to respond. I mean, I'm sure you've had hard nights too! Let's talk about it! Let's commiserate and complain together! There's over I of us on this shift and I know you all have gone through shit, let's let off a little steam about it! There's gotta be at least one of you who'd love to rant it out! I find when you complain together about a tough job it makes you feel better knowing there's others in the same situation. Just knowing you're not alone can help a lot! Heck, answering every question you know the answer to with "just call the supervisors" cause you can't take 2 mins to say something like "click the x button on the menu" to help a coworker is a bit extreme isn't it? That last anxiety attack I had suicidal thoughts for a short bit in the midst of the worst part. I asked my supervisors for any advice they might have (hoping they might share some of their 20+ years of health field knowledge) they ignored my question and sent me straight to the ER even though I told them I was fine now. I can see the reaction for legal reasons but they didn't seem worried about me personally but how it may affect my job. They refused to listen to me. I went to the ER. Sat there, had blood work done and answered a few questions about how I was feeling and they let me leave. Why? Because they had determined I was fine and no threat to myself or others, just like I had told my supervisors. They never did give me advice. But they did screenshot my phone to show HR. So no, I don't want pity and I don't want people to get super worried about me but I'm always worrying that I'll be fired because of my anxiety attacks and the least a supervisor or coworker could do is tell me they understand it's tough (the job or the anxiety) or give me helpful tips or listen to me or ask how they could help. But being ignored, told to man up, told to quit, treated like I was just a legal risk and quickly unloading me onto anyone else they could - that's not how you treat someone! Someone with anxiety, depression, mental illness, learning disabilities, young people, old people - ANY PEOPLE! And what's worse is you are MEDICAL STAFF! You should KNOW about this stuff. You should KNOW how to handle it! You should KNOW to at least act like you care! You should KNOW how to comfort or calm someone or make them feel comfortable and not just like a legal risk or a bother that you don't want to deal with! HOW TF DO PATIENTS FEEL ABOUT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!? My managers are always complaining about inspections and how the hospital is rated by patients and why and how to improve our scores. Well, as someone who's been an employee and now a patient too, lemme tell you your main patient displeasure issue - YOUR ATTITUDE! I thought before that some patients were just asking too much of the staff but now I know that they were right. But it's not about getting your apple juice quicker it's about being treated like you're either just a giant thorn in their side or a pit of money! Maybe next time I won't ignore that survery phone call.

[raaven-nerd]

the epic mega tag of tags

I’ve been inactive for an eternity so I got tagged in a bunch of things by a WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE (THANK YOU ALL FOR TAGGING ME I LOVE YOU ALL <3) 

So i decided to combine all these tags into ONE MEGA TAG!!! I’m sorry if I don’t have every single tag that people have tagged me in, because I was kinda... inactive lol 

I honestly have no idea how many questions are in here, but I’m really excited to answer all these questions. Subtle hint for you guys to ask me questions lmao!! My ask box is always open ;)

//INTRO//

Time: 9:00AM (i’m on summer break, i’m not ditching school rn lol) 

Name: Michelle

Nickname: Mich (pronounced mish,,) and Michy (fun fact: all my friends spell this differently but the correct spelling is michy!! At least that’s how i spell my nickname lmao)

Gender: Female

Nationality: Australian

Star Sign: Cancer

Height: like 157cm LMAO i’m really short

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw (hence my branding lmao)

Languages Spoken: English, Cantonese (but badly), Japanese (but only because i learn it at school)

Dream job: GOOD QUESTION LMAO umm something medical?? But like if i was remotely talented, doing something creative would be really cool.

How many pets do you have: 1, I have a pet dog named Pepper

What am I wearing: A T-shirt from last year’s school musical that’s way too big for me and black shorts (and by that i don’t mean a T-shirt that was like part of my costume,, i mean like a merch kinda t-shirt?? but not really merch bc i was in the musical) 

Instruments/sports played: I don’t play any instruments ,, well i play ukulele badly lmao, and i play soccer and volleyball for grade sport :)

//ABOUT THE BLOG//

When did you make this account? Like,, 2 years ago?? YIKES

Why did you join studyblr? Honestly i don’t remember why,, probably bc i wanted to get better at studying and get more motivated

How many followers do you have? Surprisingly around 4800

Why I chose my url: because i’m a nerd,, and my hogwarts house is ravenclaw

//BELOW THE CUT//

Things about my personal life :000 (get that juicy goss!! lol not really tho my life is pre uneventful)

Study tips and my study routine I guess? Just about how i study lol  

Music/Book/Film/TV faves and other related thingos (aka how cultured am i?? again not really tho i’m just trying to make this sound interesting lmao) 

And some more just RANDOM things lmao (like some of these things get really random lol) 

//PERSONAL//

What are three basic facts about you? Okay so whenever a teacher asks me to introduce myself at the start of the school year, my default interesting fact is “I have a dog” and every single year the teachers are super amazed that i have a pet dog and it’s absolutely hilarious bc everyone else is like “I’m not sharing any personal information with you guys”, and the teacher ends up interrogating me about my pet dog.

That’s not a basic fact lol um.. My birthday is on the 15th of July, I’m the youngest of 3 siblings and I graduate in 2020 :))

What was the best part of your day today? Ngl this is actually a really hard question for me to answer because I am NOT in a good mental state right now… but probably watching Joe Sugg’s new vlog. That was a good way to spend a study break. OR REPLYING TO THAT ANON MESSAGE OMG everyone sending me messages saying that they’re glad to see me back just wow ;; i can’t believe people even noticed i was gone it’s just ahhughsgs thank you all so much <33 

Relationship status: um… single… yeah let’s just leave it at that

who is the first person you go to in a crisis, when you’ve had a hard day, or when you need to vent? Well… my best friend would be the first person i go to.. Except we’re on holidays right now and they have the worst reply game (bc they’re kinda not allowed to talk to me,,, it’s complicated lmao)

what is your love language? (if you don’t know it, there are plenty of love language quizzes on Google! I definitely encourage you to look it up and find it out for your benefit!) :ooo I did a quiz for this ages ago BUT I GOTTA DO IT AGAIN bc i forgot LOL 

OKAY i did it! I used 5lovelanguages.com so yeah.. Just in case anyone was wondering? But I guess my love language is quality time/words of affirmation and from highest to lowest it’s quality time (9), words of affirmation (8), physical touch (6), acts of service (4) and receiving gifts (3) 

what are the little things in your life that make you happy? Lmao all my friends bc we’re all SHORT AF.. but seriously,, just really small things can make me so happy, just being able to spend time with my friends makes me really happy?? Like we can just sit in (comfortable) silence, but i’ll be so content to just be there with my friends..  Quality time with friends?? thanks love language Does that count idk how to answer this

What is your favourite thing about yourself? Um physical thing?? Probably my hair tbh.. But like my actual fav thing about myself is um the fact that i’m empathetic, generally pre organised and good w/ time management and i can like teach myself stuff?? or maybe how i could be having the worst day of my life and i’ll still want to spread positivity and good vibes?? Yeah that’s pre cool 

what accomplishment in your life are you most proud of? Uhh i got dux of english a few years back? I was in the top 10 of 4 subjects last year so that’s pre cool? But tbh the accomplishment i’m most proud of is probably just going to the school I go rn.. OR surviving last year lol 2018 was a mess 

What’s one piece of advice to yourself a year ago? GIRL things are gonna be tough. Like really hecking tough. But it’s not worth it to hold grudges, there’s no point letting fear of what could happen stop you from doing things you want to do and you will survive and you will be stronger because of it. Don’t let what other people say about you get you down, yes, it sucks to hear people speculating about you and your private life, but they have no idea what’s actually going on, and they’re just curious . No one has anything against you. You are loved, and you are worthy, and you are strong. You got this.

what is a skill you wish you had? To play guitar!! Or to be able to sing!!

Name three places you’d like to go to. Richard Rodgers Theatre to watch Hamilton, Music Box Theatre to watch Dear Evan Hansen and the Warner Bros Studio Tour in London. (but also, Japan, London and New York)

//STUDY & ACADEMICS//

What’s your degree/favourite subject? Uhhh it was drama but i dropped that and the 2019 school year hasn’t started yet so.. Who knows?

What motivates you to study? The fact that I gotta do well and get good marks in order to get into a good uni course… and the fact that i just want to keep getting better,, and i don’t want to disappoint people and i also don’t want to do badly bc yikes its real competitive at my school so like lowkey fear of failure

What time do you do your best studying? Tbh it really depends, it’s either the morning not long after i wake up (esp if it’s holidays or the weekend), right after i get home from school, or like late at night if i get a burst of motivation (like sometimes i’ll end up studying from 10:30 to 1am which isn’t sustainable if i have to get up at 7 for school) 

Best self care tip for exam season? Don’t spend your time around people who get really stressed out. It only makes you more stressed, and you don’t need that extra worry. Positive vibes only. Stay chill!

Do you listen to music when you study? Yeah. I just listen to music with no lyrics and I’ll use @studyquill​’s playlist :DD

Where do you do your best studying? I do pretty much all my studying at home so.. home?? but i have this spot at school that i like to go to in the mornings when no one’s at school yet because it’s super quiet and i can get some quality work done there 

What’s your go to thing when studying? Write notes, do practise questions, draw summary mind maps and try to recite my notes from memory

//MUSIC//

put your music library on shuffle, list the first 15 songs

Oh boi this is going to be interesting

How Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran

Part of Me (Bonus Track) - Dear Evan Hansen

If I Could Fly - One Direction

Better Man - 5 Seconds of Summer

If I Could Tell Her - Dear Evan Hansen

Somebody to Love - Queen

Moving Along - 5 Seconds of Summer

Candy Store - Heathers the Musical

Cabinet Battle #2 - Hamilton

Guns for Hands - Twenty One Pilots

Sunrise - In The Heights

The Judge - Twenty One Pilots

Radio Ga Ga - Queen 

Defying Gravity - Wicked 

Shine a Light - Heathers the Musical 

Song stuck in your head: for some reason Acid Rain by Cimorelli just randomly came into my head when I woke up this morning?? so that i guess lol 

Last song you played: Alaska by Maggie Rogers

What are you listening to right now? well right now it’s Shine a Light lmao

what are your 5 favourite songs right now? THIS IS HARD OMG okay um Photograph by Ed Sheeran, Shout Out To My Ex by Little Mix, Fire Away by Niall Horan, Walking in the Wind by One Direction and I discovered Light On by Maggie Rogers today so that too!!

What’s your favourite lyric right now? Darling you don't have to hold it/You don't have to be afraid/You can go 'head and unload it/'Cause you know it'll be okay

Fave artist? GOOD QUESTION.. I don’t have an answer lmao but I like 5SOS, Ariana Grande’s new songs, Ed Sheeran and the soundtracks to quite a few musicals but that doesn’t answer the question lol 

//FILM, BOOKS & TV//

Last movie you saw: I rewatched Crazy Rich Asians :))

Top three TV shows: lol i don’t watch TV but all times favs include Gravity Falls and The Simpsons annnnndd um… yeah I really don’t watch much TV lol

What are your favourite books? All time fav is Harry Potter, but rn my fav is probably 13 Reasons Why (i know it’s also a TV show so i might check it out!!)

Which ones are you currently reading or want to read? Right now, I’m reading Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver. I’m only a few pages in though.

What’s the most recent book you’ve read? Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella

//MISCELLANEOUS// 

Describe your favourite colour without saying the name! Soft colour of love

What’s your favourite season? Probably autumn

Favourite animal? My pet dog lmao (i really like dogs but i love so many animals but we’ll just say dogs)

Last thing you googled: ‘fire away lyrics niall horan’ because i wanted to check i had the right words lol

How many blankets you sleep with: 1

If you could be a celebrity, who would you be? Probs Emma Watson or Ariana Grande

What is the last text you sent? Ummm i’ll check AND i quote “I AM,,, somewhat certain that’s correct bc like.. I don’t have any confidence in myself”  I was talking to my friend about an assignment lol

Average hours spent sleeping? 7-8 ish??? But during the school term, it could be more like 6-7 but still ain’t that bad???

WOW THAT WAS LONG if u actually stayed throughout all of this and read it all,, (which no one probably did) umm dm me your fav lyrics of the moment? yeah do that lol i wanna meet some new people 

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

121: The Turn (8x14)

The thing about this show is that it can have a weak season but, even then, there will still be at least a few moments that really deliver. And to me, this conversation between Rick and Morgan in this episode really delivers. 

It’s pretty moving and the fact that Lennie James and Andrew Lincoln are such phenomenal talents definitely has a lot to do with it. 💯

And in this conversation they have, there’s actually some Richonne connections to be made.

Plus, the events that occur in these following moments are particularly important since this is where we see a pivotal point for Rick. Imo it’s a large part of his turning point.

So after the beautifully acted moment between Rick and Michonne earlier, the next time we see Rick he’s sitting in a room with Judith. Rick clearly seems very distraught and then we see that he’s staring down at Carl’s hat, which is beyond heartbreaking, especially knowing that Carl was able to express what that hat meant to him in front of his dad. 😭

We’ve seen Rick have very brief moments of breaking and collecting himself post-Carl but I think this is the moment where the inner chaos that must be going on in his head is the most visible. Like this scene makes it clear how much all this is eating away at him. So he gets up and leaves cuz he can’t let himself sit in this pain. 

And it’s interesting that Judith was included in this moment because I think it just further hits home that Rick is in such a gripping head space that neither his wife or his daughter (the two lights he has left in this world) can bring him fully out yet. They definitely have come close, but right now his wrathful side has taken over and is spurring him to keep “moving to move away from it.”

So the very next scene is Rick walking outside with that coat on, so you already know what’s bout to go down. Someone or someone(s) finna meet their end. 💯

Another significant thing about this jacket is that it’s the one he wore when he killed the Claimer trying to kill Carl in the season 4 finale, and it just reminds me that Rick would do everything in his power to protect Carl and keep him safe and yet his son still eventually didn’t make it. (Why TWD, why?) 😢😪

On a lighter note, I notice how when Rick walks out it low key feels like when kids sneak out knowing good and well they’re supposed to stay inside lol. Like I def think all that looking around he does as he walks has to do with Michonne, cuz he knows if he runs into her then he won’t be able to help but abide to her wish that he stay here and process like he’s supposed to.

(Side note: I wish Michonne would have got her own storyline this episode so we could know what she did while Rick was out and in finding out he left. It would have been nice to know what she was up to that day. And not just cuz I’m in the ministry of #GiveMichonneMoreScreenTime)

This whole moment of Rick leaving is an indicator that Rick’s not in the best spot cuz Homeboy never goes against Michonne’s guidance if he can avoid it. Last time something like that happened he went crazy in ASZ.

So Rick approaches Alden and we’re seeing some signature Rick Nothing-to-play-with Grimes which I’m a fan of lol. He’s using his cop knowledge to get intel out of Alden and to get an idea of where those escaped Saviors might be.

Before walking away, Alden asks Rick that if it’s possible, could he not kill anymore people than he has to and he lets him know that Rick could have the potential to show these people a better way. 

It’s significant because it’s a very similar sentiment to what Carl expressed to him in his final moments. 

And again, it just goes to show that no matter how far he runs, everywhere Rick goes there is going to be some reminder of Carl and the message Carl instilled upon him.

After Alden tells him that showing these Saviors some empathy is something he could do, Rick responds saying “Yeah I could.” It’s low key petty, but I love the delivery of that line lol. 😋

At the same time, it’s yet another way to show that Rick isn’t ready to come to terms with Carl and his message. He knows he could do that, but he’s not trying to let the more rational side of him be in control of his actions right now cuz again, his goal is to kill away his problems.

So Rick leaves and then he runs into Morgan. And y’all they’re both on edge and losing it a little so probably not the best company right now lol. 

But I’m very happy these two got a storyline together cuz they started this series off and they’re some of the few characters that still have my heart on this show. Plus Lennie James and Andrew Lincoln are both seriously A1 actors. They are the best of the best in this cast, along with Danai and Melissa McBride imo. 👏🏽👏🏽(Which interestingly they play the four characters who lost children🏽)

When Morgan and Rick run into each other, Morgan’s in that murky headspace so Rick has to tell him “You know me”. And I love that it’s a “Clear” reference. It’s sweet that Rick knows how to proceed and talk Morgan down somewhat when he’s having an episode. It’s also sad cuz last time he told Morgan this, Carl was alive and well and forming the roots of his precious bond with Michonne. 😔

Rick also tells Morgan that he probably shouldn’t be out here which is true…for both of them lol. 

But what’s funny is that when Rick realizes they are both out here to finish off those Saviors he’s like “We finish it. You and me” to which I was like bruh but you just said he shouldn’t be out here 🤔…Again, not exactly thinking straight rn.

(Side note: Hearing him say “you and me” made me wish Rick would stop and remember how in 7x12 he told Michonne he wanted it to be “you and me reordering things together.” Cuz what he’s doing right now ain’t that.) 

It’s not long before Rick and Morgan find the place and are immediately captured. And seeing them tied up in that bar, I was just like Rick, friend…what is you doing. Cuz he’s supposed to be in his room reading a letter right now but instead he’s tied up in a bar with some Saviors. #wildin 

Plus I felt Rick also has to remember that him being out here in potentially life-threatening predicaments like this is going to greatly affect Michonne and Judith cuz he still have a family that needs him, and it would be devastating if they lost him so soon after losing Carl. But right now Rick can’t quite think pass the present.

I like how Rick wakes up so casually and asks how long he was out like he’s waking up from a nap tho. 😂 Homeboy is unbothered lol. Probably cuz he knows what he and Morgan are capable of. 

So these Saviors are trying to decide what their next move is and the sniveling one, Jared, is very eager to get back and turn Rick in. Rick then starts to recall Alden’s words and he presents an offer for the Saviors to come back to Hilltop and join them. He then gives his word and repeats what he said in 8x03 about how a man’s word “still gotta mean something”. Except this time there does seem to be less sincerity in his delivery. 

Jared’s not buying it and so then, y’all, I knew about Petty Rick but he was practically out-pettied by Morgan and I am here for Petty Morgan. 👏🏽👏🏽 His bold but casual honesty was great as he tells the Saviors; nah I’m def here to do what I have to do and kill all y’all. (And it’s funny cuz as Morgan starts really going off you can kind of see Rick look like he’s thinking “alright this might be too wild even for me” 😂)

Rick and Morgan warned these guys about a herd closing in and sure enough a swarm of walkers show up. Rick says “Thing is, we already killed you.”  and I don’t know why it’s said exactly but what I do know is that means he did kind of sort of warn them about what he’s about to do lol. 

They convince the Saviors that they’re too weak to take on this herd alone so some of the guys untie them. So then they’re all fending off this herd and a walker almost gets to Rick but then the Savior (that low key resembles early day Shane), takes out the walker before it can bite Rick, which makes it seem like he might be a real one.

But then things take a turn and get

Cuz Rick has the Saviors go in front of him and all Rick and Morgan have to do is just give each other a look like…

And that’s enough for both these OG’s to know what time it is and they proceed to take out all the Saviors.

Which my first reaction was like…

(Side note: That coat is undefeated, y’all.)

Now…I know this whole moment was controversial. And I have some thoughts on it lol. Cuz y’all the very first time I watched this I def felt like this was super cold of Rick and I felt like this was Rick dabbling way too far on the side of villainy. And with Rick having given his word I was like don’t tell me this show is trying to discredit Rick’s word, especially in the same episode he’s going to tell Michonne those words we’ve been waiting to hear. 

But then, like I have to do with many things, I stopped and addressed the error of my thinking. And I realized that this actually isn’t as heinous as it seems. Don’t get me wrong it was savage and revealing of how Rick’s in a very shaky spot, but in my opinion it was also sort of necessary and doesn’t make him a monster.

So while seeing Rick and Morgan at their most ruthless was tough to chew on initially, I eventually came to the conclusion that…

The way I see it, it’s like a kidnapping situation where oftentimes when someone is kidnapped and restrained from fighting back physically, they often use their words to help them escape by getting into their captors head. They will tell their captor anything to be let go, even if it’s a false promise like swearing they won’t say anything if they can go or that they’ll give them whatever they want, etc. These are all untrue but they’re used as an effective defense mechanism and escape strategy. 

And if it works and they’re able to escape and then they immediately break the promises they made, we’d understand that they had to give their word and then break it to survive. That’s what Rick had to do imo.

Cuz, while yes the Saviors untied them and even were working together to take out these walkers, the truth is there’s still not much of a legit reason to believe they can be trusted long term. 

Rick and Morgan were of use to the Saviors at the time, who knows what they’d do to them when the walker issue was done. They are after all on opposing sides of this war and technically have more loyalty to Negan than Rick. So Rick doesn’t have much reason to think they would genuinely side with him and it’s dangerous to risk finding out.

So Rick and Morgan’s lives were still on the line and Rick did what he had to do, which in this case was say what he had to say. His whole spiel about letting them go back to Hilltop was never his word, it was his defense mechanism to break out of there. It’s not that he meant it and went back on it, he never meant it.

What was his true word tho? That he was going to kill those Saviors and well…he def kept his word. 👀💯

And, yes, the vengeful aspect of this from Rick is not healthy and it’s definitely not Rick’s shining moment when he kills the guy that just saved his life but at least for me I don’t think this turn of events means Rick isn’t the guy we thought he was and especially most of all this does not mean he’s comparable to Negan in the slightest. Those comparisons just will never add up to me. 🤦🏽‍♀️

The most suspect aspect of this on Rick’s part is that it’s just so opposite of what Carl wanted for him, but in the end he’s not a horrible person for telling a lie to survive his captors. 

Plus doing all this allowed him to make it back to Michonne so...

So as Rick and Morgan are taking everybody out, I’m also here for Petty Morgan mean mugging Jared as he holds him to the gate, and then finally listens to Jared’s plea to let him go only once it’s too late. I was like…

Rick goes up to the guy who saved him and it’s interesting how similar the lighting is to the chapel scene where Rick spent his last moments with Carl.

There’s that same sort of light ray shining through and it’s ironic in a way cuz Rick promised to make it real for Carl but instead he’s just done the opposite of make it real, in the very same light. 

Admittedly, the most cruel feeling part of this whole thing is when Rick just bold face looks at this guy and cuts him off to tell him, “I lied.” But I think what we’re seeing right now is the very dark space Rick could go to if he doesn’t stop himself.

It’s deep to hear the Savior say he didn’t lie about wanting to make things work and it definitely sparks a contrast. Then, the Savior tells Rick they could’ve lived after and Lincoln does a great job of showcasing the suppressed emotion Rick feels at this moment.

The subtle smugness is quickly replaced with the struggle to pull the trigger cuz he knows he’s not right in the head and that he’s doing what his woman said “moving to move away from it.” But he can’t get away from it. 

Everywhere he goes, something or someone is reminding Rick of Carl’s dying wish in some way. And I bet it hits Rick that Carl was laying on the ground talking about this very thing of after and living together in peace. And that triggers Rick so he pulls the trigger. 

And this to me is the beginning of the turning point for him that actually starts to snap him out of this dark spot for a moment to become aware of what he’s becoming. 

Cuz as he stands around the bodies there’s definitely a sense that he’s gotten a big wake up call about how far he has strayed from Carl’s vision.

He’s slowly starting to sense that violence and wrath doesn’t solve the deeper pain and it isn’t the way to move forward.  

Morgan walks by and casually takes out a body about to turn, still in Petty Morgan beast mode I think. And what’s interesting is he says, “Everybody turns” and that line starts to carry a lot of weight. 

It means so much more than just everybody turns into walkers. It means everybody can turn from their old ways. In this world, everybody turns from their initial values and moral code at some point (especially after the loss of a child as we see in the cases of Rick, Morgan, Michonne and Carol in different parts of their journey)

But the thing is, yes everybody turns from who they are or were but just like you can turn dark, you can turn light again. You can turn back. 👌🏽 And in this following scene there really is a turning point for Rick where his eye are opened to how he has to turn things around.

Rick has a choice to continue on this dark path or be better and get better, not just for him but for his family and his people. So it’s significant that next we see Rick take a step towards that by reaching out to Morgan for an answer. And he gets just the answer he needs to realize which side he should choose.

He starts by telling Morgan how he saved him and he would have died without him, maybe even right in front of Morgan’s house. I love that these two get to make reference to the episode that started it all, 8 seasons later. Cuz they really were the two who drew us into this world.

What’s so meaningful about Rick bringing this up is that in the pilot Rick was to Morgan, what Siddiq was to Carl.

Rick was just a stranger at the time, but Morgan helped him like Carl took in Siddiq. So I think Rick is asking Morgan this right now because he’s trying to better understand Carl’s own thinking of helping the traveler by understanding why Morgan did that for him.

This is important cuz it’s Rick wanting to understand Carl’s side of things. So that right there let’s you know he’s not embracing the monster within, or at least he’s trying to fight it.

He reaches out to Morgan in hopes that it’ll help him see something that’s super difficult for him to see right now which is how to give people a chance again. He wants to be different and he’s essentially trying to gauge how by seeing why Morgan was able to do it for him, a stranger, all that time ago.

As Rick asks this, Morgan doesn’t want to talk about it and he just wants to go. Rick goes on to mention “Your son was there” and that’s when Morgan really wants to shut the conversation down cuz he still feels he’s not at a place to talk about Duane.

And this moment between them is so emotional because we were introduced to these two characters as fathers who would do anything for their sons and now they’ve both lost the very people they fought and lived for in the beginning. 😔

Rick continues to urge Morgan to just tell him why he saved him because reflecting on who they were before could help them understand how to try and be that again. 

And, while Morgan’s not at a place to just fully pour his heart out about this, he does manage to give Rick an answer that’s pretty profound.

He explains that the reason he did it was, “Because my son was there”. Y’all. 😭😭 

This is such a great response. The writing on this show has been suffering for a minute but that right there was spot on and really hit home to me. 👌🏽

It means so much. It’s so true that Morgan’s son gave him his humanity and then when he lost him, he lost all that humanity for a long while. And Rick has the potential to be in a similar spot cuz Carl was that instrumental to him as well. And you can tell that when Rick hears this he knows it too.

He knows it’s his son who kept him going for so long, especially before their family expanded, and so there’s a certain added somberness to this response cuz the very thing that motivated him is no longer with him.

But unlike Morgan who no longer has Duane to guide him to good, Rick still does have one more opportunity for Carl specifically to guide him to good; the letter.

So I think this is where Rick knows it’s time to read the letter. He needs his son’s guidance if he’s going to maintain his humanity, a humanity we saw jeopardized in this savior massacre (although, again, when you’re captured by the opposing side sometimes you have to finesse a situation)

(Side note: Speaking of finessing, that whole Jadis and Negan storyline was just a mess imo. Negan getting access to the guns and photos had me really wondering if he was a looney tunes character. And the fact that Jadis freed him and let him finesse her on her own turf with a brief bit of his backstory really had me like...

And also how is Negan going to see a helicopter and just casually be like; hey maybe we can chat about that one day?)

But I think the other saving grace that proves hope isn’t lost, is that Rick still has someone who Carl absolutely lives on through. Michonne and Carl had such an impact on each other and she represents so much of the good of Carl so through her and through Carl’s final words in the letter Rick can find his way back to the light.

Rick is a good man and a lot of what kept him that way was the motivation of his son, and without him that good complex got a little skewed, but deep down Rick still is good and wants to be good. So he knows something has got to give.

But the main reason I see this moment as Richonne related is because a big reason Rick let Michonne in, way back in season 3 is because his son was there. 😭

Like of course there was also an innate connection that Rick and Michonne seemed to have from the jump, but Rick was so entranced at that first meeting at the fence that it wasn’t until Carl spoke about helping her that Rick ran and brought her in. His son was taking in that moment similar to Duane in the pilot.

And then in the more personal sense of letting her in, it was also because his son was there to tell him Michonne is one of them that helped Rick feel more free to let Michonne further into his heart. 😊

And that decision to let her in changed his whole life for the better. Like she really did make life 1000x better for him. So if anything, that’s a telling reason of why sometimes letting people in works out and he should follow his son’s guidance, cuz Carl has shown him the way before and he can show him the way now too.

They end the scene with Rick in the broken mirror cuz, a little heavy handedly, it’s the broken man in the mirror. 

But it still speaks to something important because Rick’s been broken and it’s led him to go and act in the very way Carl didn’t want him to, so the mirror is this symbol of him having to face his issues head on and see more clearly that this isn’t the way.

So as Rick faces the man in the broken mirror he knows he’s at a crossroads with a crucial decision to make. Continue on as this cold blooded killer and lose his mind and have Carl’s death cripple him with insanity or turn to Carl through his letter to lead the way and make him a better man once more. 👌🏽

(Side note: I’m glad they didn’t have him look in the mirror cuz then I would have got some SNL “Californians” vibes lol 😂)

It’s really significant that 8x14 highlights the four characters who lost kids and that in this episode they each get to make reference to their kids and the way it changed them, because I think Carol, Michonne, and Morgan’s journeys after losing kids are meant to all represent paths Rick can choose to take having just recently joined this club.

He can be like Morgan and fall into a very fragile state of mind where he has unstable episodes and is never able to talk about it much. 

Or he can be like Carol and, as she says later in her words, “become nothing for a long while” only to emerge a strong fighter who also pushes the people close away and convinces herself that she has to be isolated. (Which side note: I’m proud of Carol that she was able to make some breakthroughs this episode in letting people in again)

Or he can be like Michonne who went to a very dark space like he’s gone to and then worked to put all this “moving to move away from it” behind her to face her demons and get to a point of healing and opening her heart to the love that was there for her.

I think it’s clear which road he should take.  And luckily the woman, who fought to overcome that shut down state she was once in, is willing and ready to walk this path of healing with him.😌

So this moment with Morgan is not only one of the best scenes of the season to me, but it is also the turning point for Rick. This is where he makes a decision on who he needs to be. 💯

Rick is not going to keep being this dark vengeful bloodthirsty guy, because he made a promise to Carl that he’s going to fight to keep. And he’s going to fight to keep this promise cuz, at his core, Rick is a man of his word. 👌🏽😌

And he has three very special words to say in this next moment. Amen. 😋🙌🏾😋🙌🏾😋🙌🏾😋🙌🏾🏾😋🙌

gif sources: michonnegrimes                                                                          andy-clutterbuck likeafantasy dailytwd carlschandler

[suredahlia-arc]

hello hello ! i’m daisy ( 19 // est // she/her ) and my mind has been tricked by florence into thinking it’s 7am when it’s actually,, 4:30pm. i’m in the mountains so we shouldn’t be having it as hard as other places, but everyone is still worried abt falling trees and such ! all my suitemates decided to go be storm-chasers ( every single one of them ? ), so i could be living my best life rn, but i’d rather be writing up an intro for a character i have tried to play over four times then the rp died after,, like,, a day. bless. more below !!

♪ { MARINA DIAMANDIS. FEMALE. MARINA (AND THE DIAMONDS). }Oh shit. Is that BUY THE STARS by DAHLIA ANGELIS on the radio right now?! I stan, omg. SHE’S that INDIE-POP solo artist who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old. They’ve been in the game for EIGHT YEARS and have THREE ALBUMS out right now. I think they’re very VERSATILE and INTUITIVE, but for some reason they come off as OBSESSIVE and CYNICAL in the tabloids. You mind if I turn this up? daisy. 19. est. she/her.

first, i feel inclined to say why i put “and the diamonds” in parentheses bc without context i either look super uninformed or like a total douchebag?? basically she’s going by just “marina” now but i didn’t know how wide-spread that knowledge was yet and technically all of her work still has “and the diamonds” so i was like “hm. parentheses.” and there’s ur explanation ! onto the intro:

BACKSTORY

TRIGGERS: extreme misogyny, brief mention of gaslighting/emotional abuse, briefly implied physical abuse

so i have been waiting to play a bitch inspired by the stepford wives for forever. if i ever actually finished books that weren’t assigned, wbk i’d read that bitch. but we settle for the 1975 movie. there’s ur preface.

i often get way too caught up in the story of the parents and wind up making just intros like,,, a novella, so i’m gonna do my best to skim over them and go more in-depth when i write the bio later on!!

so dahlia’s mom is inspired by neely “i’m a BIG STAR!” o’hara from ‘the valley of the dolls’ and her dad is, ofc, inspired by walter “no fun quotes or super extra™ monologues” everhart from, you guessed it, ‘the stepford wives (1975)’

just as a very brief explanation as to why “i’m a BIG STAR” wound up in the neighborhood she would, typical fall from glory, first manager whisked her away, “fell in love”, moved to a neighborhood where 95% of the women only found joy in cooking and cleaning

maybe if you HAD a fucking business...

i’ve made this joke so many times i’ve memorized this entire scene.

only one person irl has ever genuinely laughed.

it was my mom.

through a series of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and groupthink, dahlia’s father gradually got her mother to buy into all of it and have strong opinions on the best laundry detergent.

so this was a strange place to raise a child, amirite ? i mean, you got women discussing tide vs. bounty while baking cake, you got men being treated like kings – we over here in the stereotypical 1950s. 

they stanned super small neighborhoods in wales, but should they have ?

so she had a very skewed idea of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. the boys were treated extremely “boys will be boys!” like – like... more than they are when we talk abt the problem with that sentence – and the girls were all wives in training.

it was acceptable for boys and men alike to do whatever they wanted without asking the other. it was acceptable for boys and men alike to complain over anything they wanted. it was acceptable for boys and men to do all of these things that, if we heard about them today, we’d be like “jail??” or, at the very least “leave.”

it was all good and well though!! but one of the four (4) duties dahlia’s mother had was taking care of the child (the other three were cooking, cleaning, and pleasing)

you see, she was used to dahlia’s father blowing things out of proportion when it came to herself – it was normal and healthy!! but she was not used to him blowing things out of proportion on their child, aka dahlia (you see, this is what happens when i start talking about the parents too much)

the first time just warranted a brief “hey, maybe don’t.” the second time warranted a conversation that ended poorly. third warranted an empty threat of leaving that ended poorly. fourth warranted an actual threat that ended poorly. fifth and a bitch was like “ok where r we and how do we get out!!”

after finding her way out, she settled with dahlia in a rly crummy motel, but what else are u gonna do when u only have the few dollars u managed to steal from ur guy??

y’all see i’m already talking in perspective of the parents i hate myself

so dahlia’s mom phoned so many old friends and relatives. unfortunately, as a previous neely “the whole WORLD loves me!!” o’hara who just seemed to drop off the face of the earth, almost everyone was like “bitch tf no you ain’t stayin here”

the last person she phoned was her mom, aka dahlia’s grandmother, down in athens. reluctantly, a bitch was like “fine.”

so dahlia was ~13 by now. her mom found work as a maid bc she was rly good at cleaning and also had no clue how she would ever get a good acting career back (although, mind you, you know a bitch went out for some community theater plays). her grandmother was able to live off the inheritance her late husband, dahlia’s grandfather, left behind – however, she also had a work ethic that drove her to just... do whatever she deemed the right thing to do at the time. 

an old woman doing some odd jobs?? you know it!!

dahlia learned how to speak greek which is great bc you know what?? i duolingo’d that bitch and that owl is a jerk who wouldn’t let me get past “ο άντρας” even tho i spelled it!! right!! i had so many ppl compare what i spelled and what the answer was and i’m still bitter!! 

anyway.

so like,, wbk a bitch has some unresolved problems. when you grow up in the equivalent of stepford (copyright 1972, ira levin), you gonna have some things to work thru!!

but she was also basically trained by that community to keep everything inward??

this is a musician rp so you know what she did??

SHE TAUGHT HERSELF TO PLAY PIANO AND WROTE SONGS!!

was a myspace queen tbh. technically speaking, she has more work out there than the three listed albums (i mean, we got mermaid v. sailor, the crown jewels, etc., etc., bUT)

decided “bitch i’m gonna make smth of this” and,,, did. so when she was 19 ‘the family jewels’ was released and,, like,, she decided “wow time to go be an american!!! i love bald eagles!!!”

so i figure the rest is kind of history?? i think i’ll be going in chronological order with the albums (in that a few years after that ‘electra heart’ was released, then ‘froot’, then a hiatus which we do NOT stan, then coming back with a leak ksksksks. BUT i may switch up electra and froot i’m not quite sure yet??)

ya! 

PERSONALITY

VERSATILE: ok so she never really does things quite the same ? alexa, play ‘can’t pin me down’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. musically speaking, she really loves experimenting with different sounds. overall, she is still considered indie-pop, but we had some good new-wave pop in ‘the family jewels’, we had some good electropop in ‘electra heart’, we had some good general versatility in ‘froot’ (compare the song ‘froot’ to ‘immortal’ like we were boppin then we were havin an existential crisis). does not like keeping things the same in her music. does not like being compared to other artists bc?? everyone!! is different!! generally speaking, she’s just a very?? open person?? not as in emotionally open, open book – all that, as in willing to try pretty much anything?? as long as it’s not her actual routine, if a wrench is thrown in her plans, a bitch don’t care as long as the wrench ain’t smth dumb. here for a good time, not a long time.

INTUITIVE: ok so she got really into trying to read people and tbh psychoanalyze them ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) after leaving that. town. with a name she doesn’t even recall?? wbk a bitch would speak up abt it if she could so that all of the women could be fckin saved but she j doesn’t remember anything abt it!! other than the environment in general!! what’s the name?? besides somewhere in wales, what’s the location?? she doesn’t know!! mainly bc i don’t!! and also for the sake of her not actually saying anything abt it willingly!! anyway!! she really does her best to read people and situations in order to analyze like?? the safety aspect, the other person’s stance, etc. doesn’t always work, but she tries. is pretty good at it, but no pro.

OBSESSIVE: ok so y’all see up there me talking abt routines?? there are two (2) ways in which girly is obsessive. first, a literal manner. routines that need to be done so the world doesn’t fall apart. i mean, we stan obscured brain chemistry, but we also stan horrible environments that just exacerbate it, even into adulthood, in the end ( alexa, play ‘obsessions’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. ) (also, i feel i should clear the possible iffy-ness this would have by saying that i’ve got ocd and will, therefore, be portraying it in a manner similar to mine so that it doesn’t come across as offensive to anyone else who may have a different form?? but most of the ‘routines’ won’t be very prominent in interactions). second, music!! when she gets started on a new project, -the mask vc- try ta’ stop [her]! -end vc- . will live in the studio until everything is complete and perfect. will spend her free time writing lyrics she knows she’ll never use bc?? why not?? gotta get that practice in!! can also apply to any other project types, but ofc the main ones would be music related so??

CYNICAL: ok. who’s gonna have a positive worldview after growing up where she did?? ( alexa, play ‘hermit the frog’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) who’s gonna stan that?? that said, there is not a single genuinely good person in this world ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis again ) if u ask her like?? not only did she already have that view after coming to her senses but?? now she knows about terrorists, about people from the usa who are SUPPOSED to be the good guys killing innocent ppl from ‘enemy territories’ for fun, ppl assaulting and killing minorities just bc they’re not like them, etc., etc., etc. convinced no one is inherently good. rly has a love/hate relationship with life ksksksks

HEADCANONS

a lot of these kind of tie into personality tbh?? 

literally knows everything about every cleaning product ever. ask her about the pros and cons of any and she will tell you. she’ll also tell you when it was manufactured, the ceo of the company that created it at the time, what went in it to make it, etc., etc., etc. knows so much.

kind of going off of that, actually really good at cooking and baking?? she rarely does it willingly, but will make a hell of a chocolate soufflé.

TRIGGER: IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT -  i don’t want to go too far into this bc it’s very triggering content to many ppl (and even to ppl who it isn’t, it’s j?? not good.), but.... i mean.... the boys in her formative environment were literally encouraged to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t need permission?? END TRIGGER.

i have a whole-ass routine already figured out. there are a lot of facets obviously, so i’ll just mention a few?? but count them all as one headcanon to be fair. 

sets an alarm to get into bed at 1:11am bc it’s a good number but 11:11 is usually too early. sets an alarm for 11:11am to wake her up. will chill in bed if she’s awake before then but it has yet to go off. only exceptions are when she’s working on something she deems urgent.

that said, good numbers are 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, etc. no rhythm to it, but i wasn’t gonna go?? up until?? infinity??

if there are two doors that are both available to be opened and closed (aka not one of those “enter through this one, exit through this one”), will always enter through the right and exit through the left. 

we don’t stan sidewalk cracks!!

a lot of superstition plays into these. but?? loves black cats. they’re chill.

i have a stats page coming that has more so!!

during the eh era, be it the last one or the one before that, decided to method act while she was still writing the songs ksksksks. that’s going to go into some of her more specific connections.

a bitch will both fight and not fight. got ‘the family jewels’ attitude back and we stan!!

was obviously able to write the ‘housewife’ archetype songs from her own personal experience ksksksks. didn’t rly have to dive into the stereotype. j knew it already.

more?? later??

CONNECTION IDEAS

so i have a few specific ones that are attached to a different blog (u kno one of the ones that died) that i’ll be moving over here, but here are some of the ones that stuck out more than others – also, all are open to any gender!:

UPDATE: wc page is here!

during the eh era while she was ‘method acting’ (we hate.), she knew this muse was in a relationship but was still like?? “hey let’s go have a meaningless ons” bc we stan "homewrecker”! (can have a number of muses!!)

a relationship that really didn’t work out in the end. the other kept trying to make things better so they would stay together. inspired by “buy the stars” (one muse)

the first celebrity whose discography or filmography she got really into before moving to america. would’ve had to have been around for longer than eight years. slightly inspired by “hollywood” (one muse)

ok this one. makes me laugh. literally just someone who always gets her mistaken for someone else – it doesn’t even have to look like her. 100% inspired by “hollywood” ( oh my god! you look just like shakira! no, no – you’re catherine zeta! ) (open to two muses)

she’s not known for a good reputation, but she’s also not known for a bad one. this muse wants to turn her to the dark side and make her become everything she never wanted to be?? so very similar to ‘the bad influence’ connection, j w/ a slightly different connotation on dahlia’s end. inspired by “oh no!” (open to two muses)

these bitches were either friends or love interests once, but things fell apart (either mutually or on the other’s side like?? i don’t want to godmod but for the song’s sake). dahlia is,, bad abt forgiveness,, but there have been enough apologies. inspired by “forget” (open to one muse)

dahlia has a very keen interest in this person. whether it’s infatuation or literally just interest, god only knows! obviously goes deeper than that but i’m horrible at explanations. suffice it to say, inspired by “immortal”

ok!! so now j some general ones!!

best friend

ride or die

drinking buddy

fwb

ons

exes

enemies for whatever reason

frenemies

collab partner

muse for any of her songs?

etc., etc., etc. !

LIKE THIS OR HMU IF U WOULD LIKE TO PLOT !

u can also find me on discord @ john donne’s whore #5590

[shirotanis]

ok so i was looking forward to doing this and i’m glad it is done eventually ! to make long words short, i recently hit a great follower goal and the number keeps increasing and i’m ??? bc its weird but i’m thankful to everyone following me nonetheless💕💕💕 i’ve had this blog for a month and something but i’ve met a lot of wonderful people whom i grew to love and care for!!!!! some i havent interacted as much as others but i hope to get to know you all in the near future 💖💖💖  

if your url is bold go take a look at the very end where it says ‘read more’ bc there’s a few words for you 💖💕💞💓💖💓💞💓

also i’m pretty sure i have more mutuals but they are sideblogs and idk whats their main to check if they follow me or not but pls know that i didnt forget or that i didnt want to include you!!!!

#: 

@4fnc // @4zammy 

a-g:

@cryogonal-jonghyun // @daypjh // @dojooned // @dojooon // @dowoonhtml // @from-roses-to-dojoon // 

h-j:

@howcaniwait // @ijustcantlie // @iwooseong // @jaeheyong //

k-r:

@lipstick-chathao // @mirinae-x // @rxsewoosung

s-z:

@saekkisongarak // @sangdoldol // @savageday6 // @shelovesjinyoung // @smolpil // @softwoonie // @tasteless-ratatouille // @tennisanon // @thedarksideofthewoon // @thedaysix // @ttherose // @theroseofficial // @wattela // @wonpixel // @woosung-is-my-aesthetic // @woosungs-blackrose // @woosammv // @younghyuuns // @youngks-smile 

@4fnc: oK GIA MY LOVE!!!!! i have sO much to say about you my best absolute perfect !!!! ok first of all we’ve been friends for like, 3 years??? this is the longest friendship i’ve had and it started out so weird like? i was a bts blog and you were an exo blog aND THEN I BECAME AN EXO BLOG AND YOU BECAME A BTS BLOG but over the years, we grew to stan other groups, i parkoured more than you and i admit ;;;;;;  ok but i still remember your most legendary post “my mom bought me cock heck yea - wAIT NO I MEANT COKE NOT COCK WHY WOULD MY MOM BUY ME COCK” and i’ll never let it die. you are such a beautiful person inside out i would have never thought i deserve you but !!! we’ve been together for so long and i hope we meet someday bc honestly? i wanna h*g you so much its a lil gross but,,, you mean so much to me honestly ok i’ll stop now i didnt even say everything i wanted to but i’ll keep that for another time ;)) i love our late night conversations about ??? whatever from memes to long appreciation hours about our faves to personal stuff its just so exhilarating to talk to you ily always gia 💞💞💞💞

@daypjh: oh oh oh my heart is turning into a puddle of joeliness rn thats how soft i am for you :(((((( honestly we have been talking for a few days but i feel like we’ve been friends for years??? when we started talking i was taken aback bc 1) shIT jo noticed me ok gotta act cool 2) it was So comfortable and So smooth and i had so much fun my fist conversations with people tend to be a little awkward and i’m always anxious but with you ??? i was so chill for some reason!!!! also you are the purest jae stan? the softest of them all and i know how much he means to you but you are a lil ho for the rest of day6 too i’m laughing you go all out with your trashiness;; i would have never thought i’d find someone with whom i share so many interests but here we are!! i’m so happy we started talking because i realised i was missing out on some gr8 stuff 👌👌 you are so funny our conversations never fail to make me smile whenever i feel down…i still wanna get to know you more tho but on another note i hope you stay happy !!!!! you deserve everything good i love you pls remember💓💞💓  

@howcaniwait: my fave charcoal 💞 i know we havent interacted that much but i consider you a friend, more than a mutual. you are so cute and funny too also youre so talented when it come to photography like ?? pure goals not even exaggerating!!! you love bri and sammy so much it makes my heart jump a lil :’’’) you also helped me with that friend issue when you didnt have to and i’m still thankful bc it helped me~ btw the way you interact with every single follower of yours is such goals yall like family asdjgldhs cute ;-; lets get to know each other more soon💖💖💖  

also a meme that is a very relative

@ijustcantlie: alice!!!!!!!! one of my fave blackroses 💓💓 i don’t have a lot to say about you bc i don’t know you well yet bUt i want to!!!! anyways your edits are so great they always leave me speechless i wish i had them skills tbh :

@rxsewoosung: hello dora 💕💕💕 in actuallity, he have exchanged a few asks only and thats about it but (though i wish we talk more one day)!!! you are so cute tbh i havent seen you around in a while but that’s bc the rose is kind of dead atm but as i was stalking your blog i realised how adorable you are!!!!you love the boys dearly and i cannot express how happy that makes me also you say i’m your fave woosung stan and that my blog contains a+++ content but same goes for you ;) woosung would be so happy to know such a nice person likes him so much plus your gifs are most pretty in my opinion i aspire to be like you💕 

@thedaysix: MY FAVE DAY6 BLOG HANDS DOWN!!!! bethany ily so much not to be that person but i would have never thought YOU out of ALL day6 blogs would follow me i probably cried a lil on the inside when i saw you had followed me and liked some of my stuff as well askflghlsd ok so basically i have said it before i think but i love and appreciate you so much ik i’m repeating myself lol but you are one of the funniest ppl i follow and your tags are the cutest shit they make me xtra soft 😭😭😭 btw callie is the cutest cat i wish i could cuddle the floof sighs 💓💓

@ttherose: The Blackrose Mom aka Olivia 💞💞💞 I can’t express my appreciation enough tbh ??? without you i doubt we’d exist on tumblr and i’m not even joking!!! i used to be intimidated by you because you are the mvp of the fandom but talking to you in the group chat i???wow you are so interesting and hilarious plus i love how you ALWAYS do your best to update us with everything the rose related and make memes at the same time i’m laughing thats the definition of dedication so i wanna say a big thank you for your hard work bc other fandoms lack what we have (a mom; i mean you) 💞

@woosung-is-my-aesthetic: OH HI FAKE SNAKE JANA oops i mean uuugggh lettuce :))) tbh i thought you were one of those chill stans when i followed you but karma is a bitch i guess bc you are pretty wildt and i like em wildt ;)))) oK I THINK you are one of the most precious ppl i wanna protect with all my heart :(( i love every single meme you send and everything you say is hilarious in one way or another also ??? you are a little trashy prince for shinee and you know i love that about you plus i appreciate the mysme dose on my dash thanks to you my trashy ass wants to download the game for the 4th time :/ one thing i love about you is the mom mode you always like “whO DO I NEED TO FIGHT WHO HURT YOU MY CHILDREN” and that makes my heart blast into outer space and make a colony on mars askflghslahs i’m 2 soft 4 you always thanks for all the help i appreciate it, really!!! and no matter what you do or say i’ll never consider you ‘dark’ you are a lil kitty in need of affection uwu 💖💖 and i’ll only eat pineapple pizza for you but i know i’ll regret it :

@woosammv: 🗣️🗣️🗣️ THE CUTEST BROSE 🗣️🗣️🗣️ julia…you is that one person who is above the rest… like all the other normies are trash for the rose but you are the landfill and that makes you special aslgjhhlshaldhs ok but honestly you are such a great person, always making flawless gifs and keeping the fandom well fed sadly i dont have a lot to say bc we havent really talked but i hope we do soon but just so you know, ily and your blog  💕💕💕

[doctorsanddetectives]

hey! so, the thing is I used to be really involved in tjlc pre s4 and it pretty much crushed me when the season aired and I just made a hard cut and distanced myself completely from it all. though I just kept on missing it, I didn't dare return to it, not even other adaptations. but recently, I just felt such a strong need to come back and it started with granada and tplosh but in the end, I just couldn't help myself and here I am thinking about Them again. and I've realised there are actually still a few people actually believing in tjlc, even some new ones. and I don't know, I guess I was just wondering if you could tell me why you still believe, if you really think they're actually going to make them canonically in love/in a relationship after all, what you think about a possible season 5 etc.? I know it's a lot to ask, I guess I just want to be convinced again haha

anyway, thank you for your time if you indeed answer this and of not then thank you anyway!

oh, hi! i'd sort of forgotten my ask box was open, so sorry for the late answer! this got a bit long, so i'll put it under a cut

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first off, if you do rejoin the fandom, believing in tjlc or not, welcome back and i hope you have fun!

for me still believing in tjlc mostly boils down to this: 1. all the things that we saw in canon pre-s4 still exist, they are still in the text of the show. s4 doesn't change that just because it didn't go how we thought it would. 2. s4 doesn't make sense in ways that are too specific to not be on purpose.

number 1 is pretty self-explanatory i think, but just to throw some stuff you might remember back at you:

sherlock never denying insinuations that he's gay or that he and john are a couple, despite being mr. 'i get the last word'

sherlock saying 'into battle' while psyching himself up for john's wedding. sherlock watching sadly during john and mary's first dance and then leaving the wedding early. mind palace mary wearing her wedding dress while shooting sherlock in the heart.

john not being able to say the words he always meant to say to sherlock, even during therapy (what could they have been? i know what i think)

irene saying 'somebody loves you' to sherlock when she realises john was careful to not actually hurt him when punching him in the face. irene immediately following that up with asking john 'are you feeling exposed?'

john being sherlock's pressure point

i'm sorry, i gotta come back to the beginning real quick, everyone thinks sherlock is gay. mrs hudson (two rooms?). mycroft (happy announcement?). angelo (nice and romantic). janine (i know what kind of man you are).

that one post from the mofftiss tumblr q&a where the question is 'is sherlock saying i love you to john' and gatiss is like 'no, unless he's talking to a mirror' and we find out sherlock's talking to molly! john's main narrative mirror! mindboggling

that's just what comes to my mind right now, but there's of course still so much more. i sadly don't have a collection of all the old metas at hand but i know other people do, so i'd recommend you go searching for those.

as for 2. there's two pieces of particularly brilliant s4 meta that are keeping me afloat (and that i think i stole most of the points i make here from), i'll link them here and here. believe me, if you wanna believe in tjlc again, this is what you wanna read.

there was also a post that links weird things happening in s4 to bits from the earlier seasons, but i can't find it rn, i will link it if i do find it later.

but the one big thing that tells me s4 being the way it is was planned, is mary's death.

in s3 we get a 'how not to: death by gunshot' and it's

you don't get thrown across the room

you only have a few seconds of consciousness. choose wisely what to do

(if john watson is there, he will act like the army doctor he is)

in s4 we get

mary has time to throw herself in front of the bullet, then gets thrown across the room because of the bullet impact

mary holds a full 60 second monologue while bleeding out

(instead of trying to stop the bleeding or calling an ambulance, john just moos sadly)

it's the exact opposite. that is on purpose. whether it is on purpose to tip us off that s4 is not reliable narration - or if mofftiss genuinely decided to just say, fuck it, let's be weird as hell for no reason - that i can't promise. i choose to believe it is the former.

and, in terms of the five act structure: act 4 is supposed to hurt. usually, it's supposed to hurt, and seem so bad that it can't be fixed, to the *characters* not to the *fans* - but when have mofftiss ever done anything in a normal way, eh? because act 4 is when you lose all hope before the grand finale in act 5.

as for s5, idk if you know this or not but there was a 10 year anniversary q&a (it's on yt) in which mark gatiss said something about us being the most patient fans ever or so (i don't have the exact words). that made me go 👀 with regards to a potential s5 for sure.

also also, sherlock never officially got cancelled. and they were originally signed for 5 seasons from what i understand. everyone just thinks it's over because it seems over.

so long story short, i still think most of the original meta and analysis from before s4 holds up, i think mofftiss are willing to do some weird abstract shit that maybe we just don't understand yet (but that ultimately, hopefully, has purpose) and they always said there'd be 5 seasons

that was a long ramble, oops! but i hope it helps a little bit.

lastly, i should also point out that if it sizzles out and we never hear anything about sherlock again, that would not be the end of the world for me. i believe canon johnlock is the thing that makes the most sense for how the show is set up - but i'm well aware of the possibility that there might be things behind the scenes that we're not privy to and that might have changed the original course of the show. i do like to keep entertaining the idea of a s5 that proves tjlc until we have reason to think otherwise though!