#I’m now ordering takeout because this was one of several anxiety inducing things I had to do today

[malachitezmeyka]

Achievement made: Went to the gyno by myself and didn’t die

+Bonus points for not getting diagnosed with anything but high prolactin

-Points for getting told to get my life together

[gothic-safari-clown]

The Mind’s Power Over the Body

Part Twelve: It’s Time

Story summary: They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they're reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they've both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan's side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten / Part Eleven

Word count: 2524

Trigger warning for needles and toxin-induced self harm. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jonathan asked from the kitchen for the third time in two days. Elianna rolled her eyes; she was getting sick of this conversation. "I think you're the only person who would do it voluntarily."

"You did it," she pointed out nonchalantly, around a mouthful of ice cream. She hoped he was making dinner; the dessert wouldn't hold her over forever. The day before, the two had visited her apartment ("why do you have so many plants?" "I don't know, but I'm glad I do, the air quality here is garbage.") to retrieve some perishables from the kitchen so that they didn't have to go grocery shopping.

"I did it for research. I didn't have a choice at the time. You do."

"Okay, look," El stood from the couch and joined him in the kitchen. "The chance of learning how to break down fear is just too promising to pass up," she said earnestly. "If there is even the slightest possibility of a positive outcome, I have to do it. Since I was attacked, I've just been getting more and more paranoid, and I thought it would go away once we started using it on Zsasz, but it hasn't. And paranoia is just going to turn into anxiety, which is going to turn into fear, and I just can't handle that." Jonathan opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Elianna.

"I know that there are better ways to prevent that, but if I'm going to be joining you on this project anyway, then I should get an idea of what I'm in for in case of any accidents! I mean, I appreciate that you're worried, but I just don't understand why you don't think I can do this."

Jonathan sighed and rubbed his forehead, leaning against the counter; he knew that she was right, but...

"Because I don't know what it will do to your psyche. When I built up my immunity, it wasn't on purpose, and we have no way of knowing if it will do the same for you." El mulled it over, carefully considering what he had to say.

"I understand. But like I said, would you rather me be exposed here, in a controlled, safe environment, or on accident at a time when it really matters? It's almost guaranteed to happen anyway, so I still think that I should at least know what to expect." She reiterated resolutely. "We're doing this."

Jonathan saw the firm determination in her eyes and knew that at this point, there was no way to talk her out of it. If he didn't expose her to it, she would do it herself, and the results could be infinitely worse than if he just went along with it.

But that didn't mean that he had to be happy about it.

"Fine." He lifted himself from the counter and turned to continue what he had been doing before—making dinner, I knew it! El put her ice cream away before sitting on the counter, swinging her legs a little. "I know you're bored, but do you have to...hover?"

"I don't have anything else to do! If you have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them."

"You could go out or something; I don't know. Look at you, go to any bar you don't even need to take any money. Someone would cover your tab." He sounded almost bitter. What's that about?

"Yeah, that's a great idea. When I get murdered, then you wouldn't have to give me the toxin." She shot back.

"I thought you had a guardian angel."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that guy. I wonder what he's up to."

"I don't care." God, what is he so upset about?

"You probably will in a few months. Maybe we should follow the news more closely." Nothing. El let out a short breath. Fine. "I know you don't want to talk about it anymore," she started quietly, "and I'm sorry that I'm making you do it." He didn't turn to look at her or even stop what he was doing when he spoke.

"You don't have to apologize. I understand why you want to do it, and I do want to help. I just wish you had taken the time to think about it before your decision."

"Fine, but I've thought it through now."

"I know. Since you're so sure, we can start tomorrow after work."

"Here?" He nodded.

"You'll want to be comfortable when it wears off, trust me." El smiled and slid off the counter. Satisfied with the way the conversation turned out, she went to take a shower.

"No going back now," She called over her shoulder.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

.xXx.

It was a slow day. A really, really, really slow day.

"Seriously, universe? Today?" El groaned, spinning back and forth in her chair idly. Of all days, why was she only assigned one session today? She had forgotten to check her schedule before leaving the previous day, so she hadn't even known that she could go in late. I hate looking forward to things.

For the time being, she resorted herself to see how fast she could spin her chair without knocking it over and found very quickly that the answer was 'too fast.' Way too fast. Already bored of that, she laid her head on the desk, trying to think of anything she could do. Finally, she decided to go on a walk, see if she could find Harley or Jonathan.

It took a while of wandering before El finally caught sight of blonde hair crossing the upstairs foyer from the west wing to the east wing. "Harley!" She called after her friend, jogging slightly to catch up. "Hey, how's it going?"

"Real good!" The blonde seemed more excited than usual. "I just got assigned to one of the maximum-security cases!"

"Oh, that's great!" El forced a smile, suddenly very worried about her friend. She had been assigned a max security case with Zsasz based on her work record, and it hadn't exactly ended up well.

"I know! I've been waitin' ages to get a career-making case finally, and I finally got one! I got my first session with her tomorrow." Her?

"Who is it?"

"She goes by Poison Ivy; she's an eco-terrorist. She's got this connection with plants. Apparently, she can control them, and she goes after organizations that harm the environment."

"Well, she sounds like a badass; you'll have to let me know how it goes."

"Of course, I will. They're gonna write books about me." Harley looked at El with bright eyes, and the redhead couldn't help but smile at the thought of her friend's face plastered on a biography all over Gotham.

"Just make sure to be careful okay, those guys are in maximum security for a reason." El found herself subconsciously moving the hair that fell over her forehead, where she would surely have a scar.

"Don't you worry about me, honey. What are you doin' today?"

"Apparently nothing for another few hours." Elianna sighed.

"Aw. Anything interesting?" She shook her head in response.

"I think Jonathan asked them to keep the dangerous ones away from me until I have more experience here. I mean, Zsasz didn't kill me. It's not like I'm helpless, right? I was savvy enough to get away twice." Harley bobbed her head in agreement with a sympathetic look.

"Well, maybe he's right; you're new in Gotham. It might not be a bad idea to let you settle in a while longer."

"Yeah, but now I'm only treating patients with borderline anxiety disorders. Borderline, Harls!"

"Aw," the blonde tsked and patted her friend's arm. "I'm sorry, honey, it'll get better. Oh, shoot!" She checked her watch. "I gotta go, I'm gonna be late. Maybe we should get lunch this weekend, whaddya think?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice. Go on. I'll talk to you later." El sighed as Harley rushed off to her appointment. That didn't last nearly long enough. She was now stuck where she had been before and made her way back to her office.

Who would have thought there would be so little to do in the most notorious asylum in America?

.xXx.

Finally, the end of the day came, but Jonathan's awful speed limit driving made Elianna antsy. She was so close. Besides all of the reasons she had given Jonathan over the last few days, she couldn't help but be curious about what it was like to be under the influence of the fear toxin. Seeing Zsasz's reaction had sparked an interest in the experience, although she couldn't fathom why.

"It's weird, isn't it?" She asked half an hour later as she helped Jonathan put leftover takeout in the fridge.

"What is?"

"Coincidence. Probability. Chaos theory."

"You need to stop watching Jurassic Park. It's turning you into a monster."

"Over my dead body, and you know what I mean." Jonathan closed the fridge as they finished and looked at her expectantly. "Well, my mom and I just happened to move to Arlen, out of all the places we were looking at. Then we happened to move down the road from you, and we had some classes in common. And even after all that, I still could have been really shitty and tormented you, or ignored you, or you could have been successful in keeping me away. Then we still managed to stay in touch after high school from opposite sides of the country, which is super rare, even in friends, and on top of all that we happen to have the same interests, and now here we are working in the same place after all of that, which led to tonight. To the decision I made."

Jonathan considered her words, leaning back against the counter, eventually nodding in agreement.

"It's not too late." He said quietly. "You can still change your mind."

"I'm not having seconds thoughts." El insisted gently, standing next to him and leaning her head against his arm. "Actually, I was thinking about how lucky I am to have this opportunity. Do you know how many people would jump at the chance to confront their fears? To try and fix themselves?

"Yes, I do, and it's not a good thing." El looked up at him, surprised by the empathy. "If no one were affected by fear, then none of this would be possible, and I wouldn't be able to continue my research." El stared at him in incredulous silence before laughing.

"Because that's what it all comes down to. You're really fucked up, honey."

"Look who's talking." He said with a little smile. He couldn't put it off any longer. Scarecrow was ecstatic that Elianna had volunteered for this, and it was giving him a headache. "Come on, let's get started. I'm going to give you a small dose, so hopefully, you'll be able to sleep afterward." El nodded as they straightened up, making their way to the bedroom.

She could hear Jonathan adjusting the bedsheets while she was in the closet, putting on more comfortable clothes. When she came out, he had folded them all to the end of the bed so that she wouldn't get tangled.

"I'm going to say this in advance: shut up." El gave him a confused look as he opened the false bottom of his briefcase and produced a set of four restraint cuffs that were usually attached to the medical beds, at which point she raised an eyebrow. "We needed a way to holds your limbs down so that you don't hurt either of us, just...don't." He said exasperatedly as he began to affix them to the head and footboards. El snorted, with a little smile; there was nothing she could say to make fun of him that Scarecrow probably wasn't saying already.

"Do people...hurt themselves often?" Jonathan nodded.

"Once or twice, they try to gouge out their own eyes, things like that." El swallowed herd, suddenly very glad to have such a thorough friend. "Which reminds me, I didn't think about it earlier, but I do have neighbors. We'll need to find something for you to bite down on; I've also had people bite through their own tongues." At that, El shivered and returned to her duffle bag, where she knew she had packed an old belt.

"How often would you say that happens?"

"Not too much, but it does make a mess, and we sleep here." Despite her sudden nervousness, El laughed softly at the ever-tactful Jonathan Crane. Normally she might be upset with him after that comment, but here she was volunteering for that risk.

She set the belt on the edge of the bed and positioned herself in the middle of the mattress, trying to prepare herself for something from which she didn't have a clear idea of what to expect. Gently, Jonathan lifted her head and slid a pillow underneath; the small act of care made her smile to herself as he continued to secure her wrists and ankles, careful not to tighten the restraints too much.

He took a few extra minutes to prepare the serum, during which she agreed to let him take notes. If they were moving ahead with this anyway, he might as well conduct his research on a new subject.

Jonathan was just about to put the belt in her mouth when El had a sudden thought, turning her face away. "Scarecrow, he's under control? He isn't going to try anything, is he?"

"No. He's excited, but he promised to be good. And he's impressed that you're doing this willingly." Satisfied with the answer, El nodded and let the belt between her teeth, biting down securely.

At that point, Jonathan prepared the syringe with a translucent fluid, flicking the chamber and getting rid of any air bubbles. "This is an old batch, so the effects might be a little less intense than they would normally be." Unable to speak, El nodded. He swabbed clean a patch of skin on her arm and gave her a look, giving her one last chance to change her mind. With no fault in her resolution, he finally pricked her vein and injected the serum into her bloodstream.

The concoction was thick, and El could feel it burning through her veins for only a moment

and then everything took a turn for the worse.

[twiistedgalaxies]

Genesis: Chapter 3: Where it all Goes Sideways

How two brothers can take two opposite paths. How a man can be made into a monster and how the other must pay the ultimate price to save everything he knows and loves. Or, alternatively: The origins of All for One and One for All.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

A/N: Rape TW for the first half of the chapter, though it isn't necessarily explicit, only implied.

The night was cold, quiet, and dark. The Shigaraki household’s quaint apartment was still, all of its residents long asleep in their beds, anxieties of the waking world forgotten. It is because of this that Tomura woke with a start when he heard a loud crash in their living room. Slowly, he opened his eyes, bleary and sticky with sleep. Was Hisashi back from wherever he seemed to have run off to after dinner? He sat up, feet dangling over the edge of his bed. He was rubbing his eyes when he heard a voice from the other room. Tomura felt his blood freeze. That wasn’t his brother. 

He stood up, letting out a small hiss through his teeth as pain shot through his legs. Slowly and quietly, he made his way across the cramped room and opened the door, the knob cool and harsh against his warm skin. He poked his head out and saw several silhouettes standing in the living room and kitchen, carrying things out of the front door. He swallowed nervously. Tomura stepped backwards into his room, too afraid to shut his door and reveal that he was awake. 

He checked the top bunk. His brother was fast asleep. Hands shaking, he retrieved his cell phone and called 911 as he wedged himself under his bed.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” A female voice rang out, Tomura hurriedly lowered the volume.

“There - there’s strange men in my house,” he whimpered, trying to keep his voice quiet.

“Where are you, what’s your name?” The woman asked, her words a calm anchor amid the sea of panic Tomura was drowning in. He gave his name and address, having to pause as intruders walked by his door. They spoke for longer, him telling the operator what he could, and her giving him empty placations. She told him to stay on the phone, he nodded though she couldn’t see him, and pressed his back further into the wall.

A man stepped into his bedroom. Tomura had to cover his mouth with his palm to quiet his breathing, eyes wide. The stranger stood there in silence for what felt like eternity before meticulously going through their belongings, ripping drawers from dressers and throwing books from their shelves. Tomura couldn’t help but wince as his precious comic collection flew through the air, their colorful pages splayed open like butterfly wings. The stranger approached the door to their cramped, overstuffed closet when Tomura heard a shrill scream. Mom.

“I’ll give you what you want, just don’t hurt them, please!” She cried from down the hall. A loud click. 

“Get your filthy hands off my wife!” Pops, like firecrackers.

Another scream, “No, Tetsuya, not my husband!” Hana’s voice broke, descending into sobs. The man left their room.

“Tomura?” Hisashi called from his place on the top bunk. His voice shook.

“I’m here, I’m under here,” he whispered, still as stone.

Slowly and quietly, Hisashi crept down their ladder and slid under the bed next to his brother, “What’s happening?”

The 911 operator parroted his question, and Tomura explained as quickly as he could. More loud sounds came from his parents’ bedroom. A sob. Hisashi’s frigid hands rubbed gentle circles into his back. The world was intense in color, yet muted. His brother’s hands were trembling. Tomura swallowed.

“It’s not here!” a gruff voice called. The living room.

“You bitch!” A man crowed, shouting all manners of unpleasant things he’d like to do to her. Shapes in the hallway, heading towards his parents’ bedroom door. Eager. Tomura clung to his brother like a lifeline, burying his face in his shirt in a vain effort to block out the rest of the world. The pitter-patter of a racing heart and adrenaline induced breathlessness. Repeated thuds. Hisashi tensed, his rage practically seeping into the air around him. (“No, no no nonononononono-” his mother cried, the word said like a mantra, a broken prayer to an uncaring world.) The harsh smell of copper. Laughter not born of kindness. Tomura curled further into his brother’s chest. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. In a few seconds he’d wake up to the smell of waffles and green tea. 

Red, white, and blue shone through the windows. “Fuck!” one of the men yelled. Another loud pop, his mother’s screams now silenced. The deafening crash of glass and the creaking floors accompanying hurried footsteps. 

The sirens were like music, choirs of angels. The floodgates the preteen had built broke, and his eyes began to stream with tears, his throat ached with the sheer effort it took to not cry out. He felt a myriad of emotions, all intertwined like a ball of thread, too messy to pick out and understand.

-@~*^*~@-

The police precinct was sterile and cold. The plush plastic chairs in the reception hall were stiff and uncomfortable. Tomura was curled up under the soft yellow shock blanket, clutching his brother’s hand like a vice, his brother who was staring into the distance, gaze unfocused. It didn’t feel real. Nothing did. What they don’t tell you about terrible things, at least on the person level, is that they happen so fast. In blink-or-you’ll miss it speeds. There was nothing elegant or poetic about death, about the brief glance he’d had of his parent’s room, as he was carried out of the apartment by EMTs to check him for injuries. There was blood. So much blood. It was such a grizzly thing. Tomura’s eyes stung with unshed tears. Around them people hurried about the busy precinct. It was as if they moved in slow motion, underwater, in another time and place.

He wanted to cry, to scream, to do something. But he just hugged his knees to his chest and examined the grains in the wooden floor. 

“What’s going to happen to us?” he asked his brother, voice barely above a whisper.

“I don’t know,” a crack in his brother’s composure, “I don’t know.”

The reception area’s fluorescent lighting was so, so bright, casting everything in a harsh glow. Tomura wanted nothing more than to pull the shock blanket over his head and hide from the world. From what happened.

“Mom’s in the ICU,” his brother said, looking everywhere but his little sibling’s face, “Dad’s - he’s - Dad’s dead.”

Even though Tomura already knew this, hearing it out loud made it more real. Made it feel as if he jumped headfirst into icy water. Distantly, he heard crying. His face was wet. Who was going to cook them dinners? Who was going to burn their dinner and have to order takeout again? Something burbled and cracked in his throat when he realized that he’d never see his father walk through the door after work ever again. He would kill for that to happen one more time.

A police officer approached them, a young woman with blonde hair pulled into a hastily made bun and pale hands clutching a clipboard, “I need to get both of your statements.” She looked at Tomura expectantly. 

Hisashi blocked his body with his arm, face cool but eyes alight, “He’s just a kid, can’t you give him a moment, especially after what we just went through?”

The woman held her hands out in a placating manner, “I understand your anger, but if it makes you feel better we can interview you first.”

He looked between the woman and Tomura, visibly torn, “Fine,” he eventually spat out.

The two departed, but he didn’t miss the way Hisashi clenched his fists hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. Tomura borrowed deeper into the mustard colored shock blanket. Once their retreating figures disappeared down a hallway, he felt a calloused hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see a bald black gentleman, another police officer. His smile was kind. 

The man must have seen the unspoken question on Tomura’s face because he said, “My name is Detective Shepherd, can I get you anything?” 

He shook his head, dishevelled hair getting in his face.

“You sure? I know all the secrets to getting the vending machine to work.”

Tomura perked up at this, but hesitated. Did he really want to rely on some stranger? His stomach growled, he nodded.

A chuckle, “Alright, I’ll be back.” Tomura flinched as the man ruffled his hair. 

The detective’s trip to the vending machine and back felt almost instantaneous, as Tomura had spent the entire time gazing into the distance, mind unable to process what had happened. Everything had seen so normal that morning, how could it have gone so wrong?

He felt a bag of chips and a cold can of pop get shoved into his hands. Shepherd sat in the seat across from him.

“What do you want from me?” he asked, drawing his knees to his chest.

The man heaved out a sigh, “I’m working on your case, there’s not much we can do right now, but I can at least help you feel better.”

Tomura dug into the chips, wincing at the loud crackle of the plastic bag, “Is my brother going to be okay?”

Shepherd hummed, “We just have some questions for him, if you want, he can be in the room with you when you give your statement.”

“I - I don’t want to talk about it. That. What happened,” he bit out in between sips of his sprite. 

“I know, but the more you tell us the easier it will be to find the people who hurt your parents, okay?” Shepherd replied, and took a swig of his coffee. It seemed like it wasn’t a long night for just the Shigaraki household. Tomura nodded. The detective glanced over his shoulder, a small smile on his face, “Ah, and it looks like your brother is done already! Hey Bullens, that was pretty quick.”

The woman from before approached. Hisashi tailed behind her, face guarded. “Well,” she said, “That’s because he was asleep for most of it, it seems.” Shepherd and Bullens exchanged a series of facial expressions, holding an entire conversation without speaking. If it weren’t for the events of that night, Tomura would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. Instead, he raised an eyebrow at his brother, who shook his head.

“Ah,” the detective said, “Well, I was just chatting with little Tomura here, he should be good to give his statement.”

He bristled at being referred to so condescendingly, but swallowed his indignation, “Fine.”

“Do you want your brother to go in with you?”

Tomura thought of Hisashi’s white knuckled grip and tense shoulders, “No, I think I’ll be okay on my own.”

His brother opened his mouth to protest but Tomura shot him a look. Bullens took his hand and led him to a small, cramped metal room. He swallowed nervously upon seeing handcuffs on a metal table. Bullens gestured for him to sit, then slid into the chair on the other side. A camera sat at one end of the table, pointing towards them.

She must have noticed him staring at the handcuffs, because she said, “Don’t worry, those aren’t for you, this is just our interrogation room, but you aren’t a suspect.”

Tomura nodded, but her words did nothing to abate the anxiety swelling in his gut. He missed the comforting weight of the shock blanket.

“Now normally, we’d have you both give written statements, but seeing as how you two are minors, we decided to conduct taped interviews, is that alright?”

“Sure,” He wrung his hands together under the cold table.

“I need you to tell us everything you can about the people who broke into your house.”

Tomura swallowed, “They were male, tall. I think there were three, maybe four of them? I think they were looking for something.” Gazing out from under the bed dust in my eyes trying not to breathe too loud oh god oh god- “One of them wore a pair of brown work boots.” His throat felt tight.

“Anything else?” Bullens asked, face pinched with concern.

Tomura shook his head, “It - It was dark. I couldn’t make out much.”

“Did your parents have any enemies? Anyone who’d want to hurt them?”

“No I-'' he broke down in sobs, the reality of that night hitting him like a wave. The pandemic. The eviction. The terrifying nights they spent bouncing from shelter to shelter. “We never should have come here,” whispered beneath thin blankets in socially distanced spaces. His brother, shoving a wad of bills in his father’s hands, face set like stone and eyes determined. No one could afford to question where it came from. They didn’t want to. It was enough to land an interview, or two, or three. How he bounced around their new apartment with joy. His first night in ages with a secure roof over his head. His father would come home complaining about annoying customers, his hands smelling like potting soil and pants smelling of paint. His mother smiled more on the few days she didn’t have work, glowing and beaming like the sun itself. Gone, gone, gone, gonegonegone-

Tomura buried his head in his arms, shoulders shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Bullens said, voice soft, “I’m sorry.”

“What next?” he finally said, voice cracking, “What happens to us?”

The officer’s face fell, “It depends on what happens to your mother.”

He picked his head up, looking at the woman through dark, tear-filled eyes. His chest ached.

“She was shot in the head, she’s in emergency surgery right now, but with how much brain damage there is,” a grimace, “We don’t know if she’ll ever wake up, or how functional she’ll be if she does.” There was a moment of tense silence, and then, “Do you have any other relatives?”

Tomura shook his head, “Not that I know of. We left Japan when I was a baby.”

“Well, in that case it’s up to Social Services, you’ll probably be put with a foster family or in an orphanage for the time being.”

“Okay,” he sighed, trying to wipe the tears from his face, “Okay.”

A/N: I can break grammatical tense rules a little bit, as a treat. As always comments are appreciated, feedback helps the world go round after all. We're heading into our first arc!  I don't have any additional fanfiction uploads planned out for this week because the holidays were pretty busy, but the next chapter should be uploaded on Monday like usual.

AO3

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