#I’m going to start breaking shit
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Work is getting awful enough to make me want to be violent
#same shit different day#of doing other people’s jobs that I am specifically and literally not paid to do#I am only paid for what I sell and I’m out here doing everyone else’s FUCKING job#and no one gives a shit because they’re salary#like I know I assume responsibility for my pay by being in Sales™️ but it did not use to be this bad#I am not asking for much. why do I have to do this shit#and it’s not even just my own coworkers that I’m doing their fucking job! I’m doing the job of people at other goddamn companies!#fucking Epson! you know; the billion dollar printing company?! I’m doing their fucking jobs too!#it is not that fucking hard to procure an MSDS at the company you work for! it’s really hard to procure one when you don’t work for them!#and yet I managed it after 3 weeks! meanwhile it took them literally - and I can’t stress this enough - 10 minutes#I’m going to start breaking shit#I have to work late today too because I’ve been busy doing shit that isn’t my responsibility#personal#and yes. my tummy is upset too despite the fact that I ate the exact same meal for breakfast and had no issues#I’m going to rip out my organs
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i wonder if these guys ever cared being gay was illegal when they first met
it sure didn’t stop them from being freaky af
everyone knew by just looking at them
#i know for sure it would not stop erik he has killed people#and i’m pretty sure charles picked up anyone from the bar including men#the rest of the xmen just had to deal with them making heart eyes at each other#these are their parents now#actually crazy being homosexual was illegal#at what point did people start going like#Hey! you can’t kiss that man! thats not right! 😿#i think everyone just needs to take a break from reproducing for a bit theres too many of us#does homophobia transcend back to caveman times or what#the cave people don’t give a shit they got a whole to descover and then let their descendants destroy it#you know what i need more dragneto where did he go 🙁#they took dragneto from us#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#homosexual
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Okay. I have a lot to explain. First:
Listen- I am REALLY sorry for not drawing a lot. For the last month (by this point it’s probably been a month), I’ve been really, really behind on drawing and TSAMS lore. I don’t really feel that I’m apart of the fandom anymore. I just lost all my energy to actually dedicate myself to the lore of the show. I feel exhausted. Plus, school isn’t helping. For the last two weeks it’s been kind of hard for me, I mean aside from my trip, but then I had to catch up on work then do 1 project. I had two tests today.
Art block is hitting hard and I hope you understand. I just feel like I want to draw, I have a lot of ideas, I just can never get a result I actually like. It’s a process of drawing and deleting all my progress. I feel like it’s either 1., I make too much art, which in turn exhausts me further, or 2., I don’t make art at all. I’ve just been lurking around Tumblr and going around, like “oh I’m so going to draw this”, but I’m realizing that I definitely do not have enough energy to draw anything TSBS right now.
My main focus at the moment is school and school only. I hope you understand this because I had a shit ton of late work I had to do from the days I missed while I was away (7 fucking pages), and I had to zoom through that, THEN I had the science test. I had my math test today and I did well and now I’m tired af. I just don’t feel like drawing in general, period. Coloring maybe, but I just have too many things to do OUTSIDE of drawing online on here. Basically this is just me taking a small break. I’m sorry that content may be slower on my account, but I feel like I need this or else I will eventually just actually pass out from the stress. No one did nothing wrong aside from me. I’m just torturing myself. My brain hurts and my sleep schedule is damaged. Planning events is NOT fun and every weekend, I seriously just want a break, but OH someone’s coming over or we’re doing something or we’re going somewhere. I seriously cannot take a break unless I have NOTHING TO DO, which is kind of impossible considering my mother’s plans.
I just don’t feel like drawing. I feel like I’m starting to sleep more early everyday. My mind is a mess. It hurts. It hurts.
I’m just so sorry about this. I hope you guys understand I may not be in the best mental state (even if I act like I’m not, and same at with school, @kiwikay3 …), and I don’t feel like drawing for a bit. Just expect me to give you updates once in a while and maybe that’s it. Just don’t expect a ton of content or doodles from me.
This problem has nothing to do with you guys, I just want you to know this and know what to expect from me from now on. I’ll catch up with all my art requests and things like that eventually, I just feel like school has taken a toll on me. On my health. But, just myself overall. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll probably be active less and less so it’s fine if you unfollow me or something because I feel like I’ve already failed you all, and I’ve already reached the peak of my art journey (mid-October or so). I’m so sorry but I feel like when I write these I just get so emotional and I can’t really describe any of it in words. I’m probably going to sleep after this before I actually start crying. I’m actually so annoyed and sad and I just feel so many emotions. My brother is not helping, because HE does not care about his physical health so me and my parents do instead.
Sorry. Thank you all.
I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown fuck i hate this
#TW vent#tsams#important#-#I just want you guys to know what’s going on#for now at least#I’ll probably be in a better mood later.#thank you and sorry.#I know this timing is pretty inconvenient#I’ll try to draw more#but I’m never satisfied#with how it turns out#so I delete it#and the cycle continues#and it’s like it starts melting my brain#I’m so stressed#I’m already crying oh my fucking god#i hate this#but I love you guys#I love you guys so much#thank you.#my brain hurts#it hurts#it hurts.#it hurts..#fuck#oh my god I need a break#I feel like shit#-kin
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Back at it again with another theory: What if Lucanis’ betrayal wasn’t a betrayal at all?
(obviously, spoilers below the cut)
During The Wigmaker Job, we have some dialogue between Illario and Lucanis about their position within both the Crows and the Dellamorte family. Illario wants Caterina to step down so he can take the coveted First Talon spot. Lucanis reassures him that his time is coming, to which Illario makes a snide comment about whether his cousin would ever go against their grandmother’s wishes. When they continue the conversation after the job, Illario states that Lucanis is the potential heir, that he’s her favorite, and that he’s unlikely to say no to her. Lucanis doesn’t argue, only insists that he doesn’t want to be First Talon, and that he hopes she’ll see reason before that. It’s mentioned again in Eight Little Talons - Caterina favors Lucanis. It’s well-known enough among the Crows that Viago and Teia discuss it in front of her (not on purpose, but she doesn’t deny it). He’s her prodigy through and through.
In the opening scene for the Lucanis quest in Veilguard, Caterina is poised, as you’d expect of the First Talon. She’s certain that the body they buried wasn’t her grandson, that it had been altered with blood magic. She doesn’t pose it as a theory, though: she poses it as a fact. It could, of course, merely be her confidence, but there’s another very unusual aspect to the scene – everyone else discusses how Lucanis was clearly betrayed, that someone must have sold him out in order for the Venatori to capture him. Caterina is the only one in that room who never speaks on it. She doesn’t ask for justice, doesn’t mention vengeance, never acknowledges that her grandson was sold out by someone he trusted – perhaps because he wasn’t.
What if, when Caterina comes to him with a plan, with an impossible request, he’s still her favorite prodigal grandchild, and he still does whatever she asks? She’s had him tortured before as a child, has tortured and starved and beaten him herself before, because it makes him stronger and more resistant to it in the future. He says in The Wigmaker Job that he used to hate her for it, but now he understands. He justifies it. All Crows justify it, because they have to - if they don’t, then the cruelty wasn’t for survival’s sake, and their suffering meant nothing. Perhaps he doesn’t even question it. When Caterina tells him that she has a job for him, he takes it.
What if the contract has a caveat? Sure, Calivan must die by his hand by the end of it, a little treat for a job well done, but what if his primary mission is reconnaissance, is discovery? The Venatori are using blood magic to torture and corrupt prisoners. It would behoove the Crows to find out what it entails and how to resist it, before it’s turned back on them. It would have to be someone so deeply, unabashedly loyal to her that when she asked them to infiltrate a Venatori prison, expecting torture at best, their own death at worst, they’d take the job anyway, no questions asked - someone Caterina can trust, certainly, but also someone who has never once said no to her.
And Lucanis has always been a loyal grandson.
#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age: the veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#da posting#maybe it’s also just because she thinks it would make him stronger and that’s how she always justifies it to herself because she’s evil!!!!#she’s MICRODOSING her GRANDSON with BLOOD TORTURE and DEMONS to fashion him into A BETTER WEAPON#I keep hearing people be like ‘oh there’s a moment in the lucanis storyline where I GASPED’#and other than like ‘he was dead the entire time’ I’m like…… what would be that shocking#and you know what would be that shocking??#if he put himself through it on purpose#envisioning a line where he’s like ‘when Caterina told me to go I didn’t ask questions because I’m a good crow!!!!!’#(also I think that would REALLY give a good bite to his demon being SPITE of all things)#also also I still think that Illario kills caterina (if she’s actually dead) but y’know what?#if he does GOOD FOR HIM#also lucanis just happening to be bursting out of his cell when you get there…. SUSPECT#was he just ready to break out at any time? if so why did he stay and get tortured for a YEAR?#why were the guards so afraid of him?? what was he capable of???#‘you’re a crow’ or ‘but you’re not a crow’ ohhhh so you were expecting a rescue?#oh I am CONNECTING the DOTS (I haven’t connected shit) I’VE CONNECTED THEM#voelene#your caterina + illario post started these wheels turning and I am eternally grateful#also tho did update this slightly because I forgot about their conversation at the end of TWJ#also got so wrapped up in my hatred of caterina that I failed to consider another emotionally devastating option:#that lucanis was the one who wanted to go and caterina covered for him#now THAT’S got some bite to it too#and maybe Lucanis volunteering to take on a demon is why it doesn’t possess him fully#it’s like a wynne/anders thing it’s symbiotic
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Hey!! For your next fic could you do Leo and Mikey angst
It came be 2012, MM or rise
~ 𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ~
💙🐢🧡 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @tmntalways 💙🐢🧡
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙷𝚒, 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍!!! 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚋𝚛𝚘 ☹️💔…𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚃𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 💖💕💘💞🩷!!! 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚍𝚖𝚒𝚝 𝙸’𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 😅👍🏾! 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍— 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 🫠…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙**·̩̩̥͙
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟹,𝟸𝟾𝟾
𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 🐢🧡
𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢💙
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢’𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐…𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍…𝚞𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍, 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 '𝚞𝚗'. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕? 𝙷𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚐𝚘 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢…
𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @shut-up-jo @someone1348 @saturnzskyzz
@savemeafruitjuice @rice-cake-teen10 @mistyandsnow
@skyloladoodles @itzsana-kiddingmenow @titters-and-tingles
(𝙰/𝙽: 𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚖𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝…𝚋𝚞𝚝 *𝙰𝙷𝙴𝙼* 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔!!!
𝚁𝙴𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁: 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙰𝙳𝙷𝙳 𝚊𝚗𝚍/𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌!!! 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 ☺️💞💗💓💕
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 🕺🏾✨💞🎶˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
Mikey couldn’t do anything right now. Like…anything.
Well…perhaps he was being a bit too dramatic. He was breathing. And he was fidgeting with his squishy cube. So saying he wasn’t doing 'anything' wasn’t entirely true.
Right now he just…couldn’t do anything…productive.
For example, the box turtle tried making his favorite dishes and deserts! But that endeavor just ended up being a huge mess in the kitchen…and leaving the youngest turtle with a bunch of unappetizing food.
Which he fed all to Raph by the way.
Some would call that choice of action cruel but Mikey would just call it 'using his resources'.
Besides, it’s not like the eldest minded at all. He said, and I quote: 'It has a nice…crunchy feeling to it. Did you put some of Don’s inventions in this?'
Which honestly got a couple of chuckles out of the smallest turtle teen of the bunch.
Then, Mikey tried skateboarding! But for once in all his 14 years of living…it was just utterly boring.
And after all of that nonsense, Mikey then finally tried reading a comic…but he was too unfocused to even get to the second page…
But what was really new? Mikey could never focus on jackshit even if said jackshit hit him right in the shell.
His brothers and sister would always have to remind him to stay focused or 'not do this' or 'not do that'.
For example, a couple days ago Donnie had to kindly remind the box turtle (well…as kindly as Donnie could be anyway…) to brush his teeth.
To. Brush. His. Fucking. Teeth.
And honestly? Having to be reminded to do that was really embarrassing. And the orange banded teen knew his brother didn’t mean to humiliate him internally…but…yeah.
And it’s not like the softshell was wrong either! The youngest turtle just couldn’t freaking accept that he himself couldn’t do such a simple task in the morning.
But literally every task he completely fails to do is just utterly simple ones!
Like cleaning his room or not forgetting things or even keeping track of time!
…And the sad part about all of it was Mikey just honestly could not understand how his family haven’t gotten sick of his annoying tendencies…
And let’s be for real here…that was basically all of his tendencies.
The box turtle groaned loudly in his room, slamming his whole body on his bed as he screamed into his pillow.
There had to be something he could do instead of just wallowing in his own self pity…
And one of those options could not consist of bothering his family with his random bad mood. They had to put up with him 24/7…the least he could do was give them some space.
The youngest then glanced at his drawing notebook hopefully…
…One little sketch of something random wouldn’t hurt, right?
The amber eyed teen reached for his notebook, grabbing a pen from his drawer as he started to sketch his desk because why the absolute fuck not? Based on the objects he’s drawn in the past…sketching a simple desk should and will be easy, right? Right.
That was until the orange banded teen’s pencil tip broke. But it was fine! He could just re-sharpen it, right? Right.
That was until the youngest realized he had absolutely no clue where his sharpener was due to the fact his room looked like a pig stie. And there was no way he was looking for it in…that whole situation.
…The situation he created in the first place.
Michelangelo layed on his bed with his face staring at the ceiling in frustration, he ran his fingernails along his arms, not making really deep cuts with them but going deep enough for it to hurt a bit.
Like a reasonable turtle would, Mikey should probably get one of his stress toys…or better yet, another pencil!
But let’s be for real here…he’d most likely find a way to fuck that up too.
Suddenly, there was a small, quiet knock on Mikey’s door but…in all honesty? He just wanted to crawl into his shell and sob for the next hour and a half. Letting out a niiiiice and quick 'come in' would take way too much energy.
The box turtle let out a soft grunt, letting whoever was on the other side know it was a-okay to come in.
Abruptly, Leo peeked in the room, a wide smile plastered on his face as he closed the door, “Damn, Mikester…it looks like every single natural disaster went through your room…”
“I’m cleaning it.” The youngest grumbled to his brother.
“Really? You sure about that, little bro? Because if my memory serves me correct (which it in-fact does), you said that last week. And the week before that…and the week before—“
“I SAID I’M FUCKING CLEANING IT!!!” The orange banded turtle snapped, sitting up on the bed to glare at his immediate older brother before slowly realizing what he just did.
The youngest’s heart dropped as he looked away from his brother. The orange banded mutant’s eyed widened as silent and small tears ran down his face. He covered his mouth as his other hand turned to a fist, his nails unforgivingly digging into his palm.
“I-I’m sorry…I’m s-sorry…I-I’m so s-sorry…!” He started, rocking himself back and forth before stopping as he was met with a warm embrace. Leonardo hugged him gently but firmly, rubbing the other’s shell in a comforting hold. “Woah woah…! Bud, you have nothing to apologize for…” The slightly older teen said as he rested his chin on the top of his baby brother’s head.
“L-Like h-hell I don’t. I-I just screamed a-at y-you for no reason…” Michelangelo wobbly said. “You were just trying to lighten the mood but I just had to make everything harder like I-I always do…!”
“Mikey—”
“I-I always do this. I-I’m so f-fucking s-sorry Leo…”
“Mikester…I-I appreciate the apology but it seriously isn’t necessary—”
“You’re probably so sick of me and so angry at me. I-I’m sorry I just—”
“Mikey!” Leo gently yelled to get the other’s attention, squeezing the smaller turtle’s hands as he stared straight at him with pleading eyes. “Do I look mad?”
“…N-No.”
“Do I sound mad?”
“…No.”
The second youngest sadly smiled, “So what are you apologizing for, hm?”
“…I-I…dunno…I-I just…I just felt I needed to apologize…” The box turtle mumbled as he looked at his hands. The blue banded turtle sighed, slowly getting out of the hug so him and his little brother faced each other. The slider rubbed the other turtle’s palm with his thumb comfortingly, “…Do you wanna talk about it, baby bro?”
The leader in blue was just met with silence…which he could honestly work with.
“Angelo…you know you can tell me…anything, right? Like…anything. Although, it doesn’t have to be me you talk to about it. It could be Raph or Don or April or even Dad or Draxum! I just…don’t want you sitting here and bottling up the way you feel…”
Silence. Leo continued.
“You’re always there when we need you, Angel. Whether it’s to vent or to just ramble about shit, you’re just…always there. We don’t tell you this enough but we appreciate you always being someone we can lean on…”
Silence. Leo continued.
“But…you do know you can lean on us too, right? Comfort goes both ways and I can see you’re hurting, buddy. So please…if you need to talk to me…I’m right here.”
Mikey sniffled, squeezing Leo’s hand, “I-I d-dunno. Today is just…weird. This whole week has just been…weird.” Leo nodded, giving his brother his full undivided attention, “How so?”
“I just…haven’t been able to do anything…” The smaller teen admitted.
“What do you mean?” The taller teen inquired.
“I haven’t been able to do…anything. Like, I can’t draw, cook or even skateboard! Me!!! Not being able to skateboard— isn’t that crazy?!” The amber eyed turtle laughed bitterly.
“And it’s not like I can’t do it. I’m perfectly freaking capable of doing it in the right amount of time I want but my brain just. won’t. let. me!”
“I keep procrastinating and not doing the stuff I want to do and I have no idea why! I’m tired of just putting things off and being this way! I want to do things without having to ask you guys for help or to remind me or to relate it with a hyperfixation that I have!” Mikey hiccuped, a new wave of tears rolling down his face as his hands shook.
The amber eyed teen sniffled, refusing to look at his immediate older brother at all right now because…holy shit he just overshared a whole lot…
Like…a whoooooooooole freaking lot.
“…That sounds like you.” Leonardo shrugged.
In a state of just shock and confusion, the box turtle pulled his hands away from his brother, looking up at him as lime green eyes met amber ones. “I…what…?” Michelangelo murmured.
“I said that sounds like you.” Leo said again casually as Mikey glared at him, “Yeah. I heard what you said but that isn’t helpful.”
“I’m just being honest with you, Mikester.” Leo said, “Just…let me explain, okay?”
“…You have five minutes before I kick you out of my room.”
“Deal.” The lime green eyed mutant commented, “You can’t draw, cook or skateboard right now. You’re procrastinating and not doing the stuff you want to do in the time you planned…is that correct?”
Michelangelo sent deathly daggers to his brother— which the other wasn’t phased by at all. This time was probably the best time to crawl in his own shell and just sob his eyes out because what kind of dumbass question was his dumbass brother asking him?!
“…Yes.” The orange banded teen mumbled.
“And…why are those bad things?”
“WHY?!” The box turtle huffed out a laugh of annoyance, “Pfft— you’re asking me why. Maybe it’s because it’s annoying?! Maybe because it’s frustrating to deal with and I don’t want to burden you guys with my problems?! Maybe because I don’t want to fucking feel or be this way?!” The youngest shouted, breathing heavily as he finished his rant.
The box turtle looked away again, silently cursing at himself for getting annoyed so easily. “Mikey.” Leo started again, “Your being too hard on yourself, okay? No one is expecting you to be at your 100% all the time.”
“What you just described to me; you being able to not focus or you getting bored easily or procrastinating with stuff is…literally you. You’re just being you.” The slider explained as he held his baby brother’s hand in his. “And I get it. It’s hard to deal with it sometimes and it’s going to be hella frustrating. Like…super borderline frustrating. But you can’t shun them away and just…try to ignore them, bubs…”
“Let’s take moi for example. I’m impulsive, I talk loud and lose things daily. Those three things don’t make up my whole personality but it would be super weird and off-putting if I just…didn’t do or have those three things, right?”
The youngest giggled wetly, “Yeah…it would. A-And by the way, I’m still waiting for you to find that glittery pen kit I gave you…”
Leonardo groaned loudly and dramatically, causing the other teen to giggle louder, “I’m looking for it, okay?! It’s in my room…somewhere.” The taller mutant mused, “But anyways…back to you. You procrastinate, you relate things to your hyperfixations and you can’t do some of your favorite tasks from time to time…those are some traits that make up you, is it not?”
Mikey sniffled, rolling his eyes playfully due to the fact he knew damn well where this was going, “Yeah…”
Leo smiled softly, seeing his younger brother was starting to get his point, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, okay? I know sometimes it’s hard to deal with the things you described but you have us for that.” He said as his smile turned to a grin.
“You can come to me— to us— anytime. We love you for who you are…your flaws and all and we just…I-I need you to know that we love you so so much—!” The slider was cut off by a sudden abrupt embrace from the box turtle. The orange banded teen sobbed into the other’s shoulder, clutching the taller turtle like a lifeline.
“T-Thank you…” The box turtle wobbly said through tears.
“Of course, Angel.” Leo said as he hugged his baby brother back, “I love you.” He said as he kissed the other teen on the head.
“I-I l-love you too…”
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Tell your thoughts to shut up.” Leo said as he lightly poked Mikey in the forehead numerous times. The two were sitting on the box turtle’s bed just simply…relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. Michelangelo was sitting in between his older brother’s legs as he had his shell to his brother’s plastron.
Leonardo hugged his brother protectively, resting his chin on the top of the box turtle’s head. “What do you mean?” The youngest giggled out. “I can hear your thoughts, man. You’re not bothering me or disturbing me in any way, shape or form, alright…?”
The amber eyed turtle nodded, squeezing Leo’s hand, “Y-Yeah…I know...”
“I’m choosing to be here because I love you. I don’t feel obligated to be here, okay? You’re not annoying and you, neither your problems are a burden…okay?” The slider said reassuringly, “It’s okay to ask us for help…and we don’t mind reminding you to do things…okay?”
“You’ve said ‘okay’ like, fifty times…”
“Mikey.”
“Mhm…yeah yeah…I gotcha…”
The elder looked at his brother skeptically, resting his chin on his little brother’s shoulder so they made solid eye contact, “I want you to say it.”
“…Say what exactly?”
“I want you to say that you are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.”
“You are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.” Michelangelo grinned smugly. Leonardo glared at the youngest’s interpretation to his statement, “Mikey, you know exactly what I meant.”
“I said what you wanted me to say…so…” The amber eyed teen trailed off.
“Michelangelo.” The slider said in a warning tone as he poked the other’s side. The box turtle squeaked at the unexpected touch, trying to stop his immediate older brother from doing it again but his brother had a strong but gentle grip on him…
Then the smallest turtle came to recognition that he was stuck in a potential tickle hug with no way out…
…How wonderful.
“L-Leeheeo…doohoo nahat.” The orange banded mutant warned through his giggles, said warning not seeming too threatening due to the fact he was already laughing up a storm. The leader in blue raised a brow, poking the other’s side repeatedly, “I just want you to repeat what I said…in the first person.” The taller teen specified.
The smaller turtle squirmed in the hug, small frantic giggles pouring out of his mouth. This…really wasn’t how he was expecting his day to go. Just about an hour ago, he was wallowing in sadness about the stuff he hated about himself, to talking about it with his brother, to now getting tickled by his brother.
…So could he really complain about how things turned out?
…Yes. Yes, he absolutely could.
“Leeheeon! Plehease dohon’t!” The youngest squealed as one of his brother’s hands hovered over his stomach. Mikey held onto the other’s wrists, trying to stop his elder brother from tickling him but his small attempts ending up to be all for nothing as Leo effortlessly tickled his stomach with one hand.
“LEEHEEHAHAHA!!” Michelangelo laughed wholeheartedly, swatting at his brother’s arms. The lime green eyed turtle cooed at the gesture, now using both of his hands to attack the youngest’s plastron, “D'aww…look at you giggling your head off~! You’re my adorable little bundle of amazingness, aren’t you~?”
The smaller teen shook his head, a faint blush appearing on his face, “STAHA— squeal N-NAHAHA!”
“What~? What was that?” The blue banded mutant asked as he kneaded the box turtle’s hips. “GYAHAH— squeal SHIHIHIT! COHOME OHAHAN!!!” The amber eyed turtle cried frantically as he kicked his legs on the mattress slightly.
The youngest squealed with laughter, curling in on himself as he slumped in his big brother’s hold. Leonardo just sighed fondly at the action, wrapping the other in another hug as he raspberried his neck. “LEEHEEHEE!! PLAHAH— squeak NAHAHAT THEHERE squeak PLEHEASE PLEHEASE— squeak!!!”
“Not there~?” The elder lightly mocked, “What about…here~?” He mused as he used his hands to scribble all over the younger turtle’s ribs. Mikey cackled, shaking his head to try and at least subside the tickly feelings.
“NAHAHA— squeal AHAHAHA!! NAHAHAT THEHEHERE EHE— squeal EHEHEITHER!!! LEEHEEO!!” The orange banded turtle squeaked as Leo stopped for a second, “I’ve tried sooooo many spots, buddy! How many times are you gonna say not there, hm?”
Mikey genuinely squawked louder than a firefighter siren, squirming so much it looked like he was actually being electrocuted. “PLEHEHAHA LEEHEEO NAHAHAT THEHEHE RIHIHIBS!!!” He cackled.
“Not the riiiibs~? Why~? Is it because it’s your tickle spot~? Your tickletickletickle spot~? Because you’re ticklish~?” Leonardo asked as he lightly nibbled the crook of Mikey’s neck.
Michelangelo screamed in laughter, scrunching up his shoulders as he dug his heels on the bed, a couple of his plushies sadly falling on the floor (R.I.P. man…) “EEEHEEHEEP!!! S-STAHAP BEEHEEING MEEHEAN!” Mikey said as he thrashed on the bed.
The slider said nothing, his hands sneaking up to the box turtle’s underarms. “AAAAHAHAHA! OHO NOHOHO— squeak SHIT! SHIHIHAHAT!”
Happy tears slowly begin to appear in the smallest teen’s eyes, he weakly hit Leo’s arms as a last attempt to be set free, “LEHEHEMME squeal GOHOHOHO!”
“Ohonly if you sahay it, bubs.”
“IHIHI— SQUEAK!! LEEHEEHEEON!!!”
“Yeeeees, baby brother~?” The elder dragged out as he kneaded the other’s hips.
“IHI’LL SAHAY IHIHAT I-IHIHI’LL SAHAHAY IHIT!!” The amber eyed teen squealed.
“And you promise not to be a sassy little shit about it~?” The older teen asked.
“SQUEAK YEHAHAHA— SQUEAK YEHES YEHES I-I PROHOHOMISE!”
Leo stopped tickling his little brother, hugging him protectively as the youngest caught his breath slowly but surely. “W-Wahait…whahat squeak wahas ihihat yohou eeheeven wahanted me squeak to sahay again?”
The taller turtle pondered for a bit, thinking to himself before loudly groaning, “That’s…a good damn question. I don’t really remember exactly what I wanted you to say in the first place…” The lime green eyed turtle sighed, “Forgetfulness at its finest...”
The red eared slider adjusted himself, making sure the other was comfortable before starting to speak again, “Well…based on what we talked about…could you maybe just…y'know…” Leo gestured with his hands before groaning, “Do you get what I’m trying to say, man?”
“…I thihink I have ahan idea…” Mikey giggled as he fiddled with his hands, “I shouldn’t beat myself up so much because of some of my traits or quirks. And I’m allowed to feel frustrated and/or upset because things don’t go my way because of them. But…I shouldn’t allow those things to put me down...”
Michelangelo smiled softly, rubbing his palm with his thumb, “They don’t define me as a person but they make me a person. I don’t need to be at my best 100% and I’m allowed to have bad days. And if things get too overwhelming or difficult I can just go to you guys.”
Mikey hugged himself, letting out a small laugh as his happy tears welled up in his eyes, “I’m just…being me. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Leonardo teared up at his brother’s words, hugging him tighter than he ever had before and burying his face at the back of the youngest’s head.
“Never forget that, Miguelito…never forget that.”
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)
#Rottmnt tickle#Rottmnt tickle fic#Rottmnt tickle fanfiction#Lee!Mikey#Ler!Leo#MWYAHSHSHHSAN#This is actually so silly I love this 💞💗💗#I hope you guys enjoyed the angst 🤪#ADHDERS AND PPL WITH ADHD TENDENCIES UNITE 🙌🏾💕🩷💓💘💝💗‼️‼️‼️#Adhd is a bitch 🖤…#Leo can be an asshole at times but he doesn’t mean to I swear 😭💔#My boy just copes with jokes but he has a hard time understanding that not EVERYONE copes like that#So when Mikey snapped at him and started breaking down he was like: “😁 -> 😄 -> 😀 -> 😐 -> 🫢”#I HATTTEEE forgetting to brush my teeth 😟…it’s so damn nasty man#AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DRAW LIKE YOU USED TO⁉️⁉️⁉️ GRAUGHHHH REAL SHIT#I care about these two sm omfg#I need more content with these tWO LOOK AT THEM 🥹💙🧡!!!#“Tell ur thoughts to shut up 😒” msndhjsjss peak sibling comment#Also I changed my writing style a TEEEEENSY weensy bit if you haven’t guessed#For a while…I haven’t like the **’s I put at the noises that characters made when they laughed :/#Soooo I tried just doing it in italics and AHHUUGHFHS 😖💖💗💘💝🩷💓💞💕#IT LOOKS SM BETTER#I just wanted the laughing to seem more natural#Your just being you guys 🫶🏾#DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF PLEASEEEE#Eat some snacks!!! Drink some water/juice!!! Exercise!!!#Your allowed to feel the way you do so just take it easy ☺️👍🏾#I’M RUNNING OUTTA TAGS BUT IF ANYONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE BEHIND THE STAGE WORKS ON HOW I MADE THIS I CAN ALWAYS YAP TO YOU ABT IT 😈🤌🏾#I don’t think I implied this very well but Leo feels the same way Mikey feels…so that’s why he was so PERSISTENT on making sure Mikey’s alr#But Leo take his own advice challenge GO 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ Maybe a pt. 2 🫢??? Idk yet lolololololol
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I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc
#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people#I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I#need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself#That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings#And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends#But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc#I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting#Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there#And I think that’s what I need#I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for#One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually.#Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule#I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week#And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much#But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now .#Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com
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every time I draw pannacotta fugo in sketches he’s always just holdin papers n shit 😭
#he has so much paperwork#like it’s always no matter what whether it’s pre-VA or post-PHF bro is always holding paperwork#tax documents and shit#even though he’s like 16#Bruno lets him do it because if he doesn’t have paperwork to do he starts going insane#symptom of academic trauma#fugo when he has time off: im going to do Math. i will not be taking a Break. i do not Need it. let me do Taxes.#He’s always found passed out in the office#lil guy doesn’t know how to have fun on account of all the PTSD and other issues#doing paperwork IS how he has fun#Bruno’s like I’m worried he’ll wear himself out if he doesn’t have time to relax. I’m not giving him any paperwork so he can take a break#and abbacchios like you and I both know he can’t do that. the kid will start killing people if he can’t do paperwork.#just give him the income statements or some shit he’ll be fine.#bruno gives him a crossword book and it keeps him occupied for like 3 hours#but the second his break is over he appears at Bruno’s location and is like I’ve done the crosswords. I need to do Work now or I’ll explode#jjba#vento aureo#golden wind#amby yells#pannacotta fugo
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Actually genuinely started crying when Luffy almost said he wanted Usopp off the ship and then Sanji interrupted and yelled at him. What the hell. This shit is so sad what the FUCK bro
#In TEARS rn. Esp bc they’re really driving it in hard how MUCH the entire crew cares about Usopp#Even Sanji and Zoro who aren’t overly affectionate with him#My heart is BREAKING my kokoro is brokoro!! THAT SHIT HURTED!!!!#When Luffy and Usopp started arguing that’s when the waterworks started. I was sitting there like 🥺😭 my sweet darling boys pls don’t fight#The boys are fighting 😔#Also it’s understandable why Usopp’s in denial and doesn’t want to let the Merry go but it’s also SO frustrating#Bc he’s clearly making it out to be that Luffy doesn’t care about the Merry#When in fact Luffy was probably the MOST upset at having to let her go#And he fucking AGONIZED over the decision to get a new ship#It’s a burden as the captain and he accepted everything that came with it#But Usopp just. Doesn’t get that. Bc he’s got too much of his own personal shit going on#And Luffy is upset that Usopp would even think he didn’t take the time and consideration to think over what to do with the Merry……#ZERO trust there. Usopp’s majorly disrespecting Luffy. I bet Zoro in particular is Not happy about that#God this arc is written so well. I’m so upset. I’m SO upset#Lies down#One Piece#Shima speaks
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i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too
#i remember what this boy looked like when he started getting spots and what he sounded like when his voice started breaking#and it makes me so excited even for the parts of t that everyone says are ‘bad’#my identity is so much more binary than i tell myself it is. i play it down because being a fully binary Guy who wants to be purely masc is#a lot harder to break to my mother who is devastated even at the thought of me being a masculine woman#i’ve been pretending for a while that i’m more ‘in the middle’ than i really am because of that#but moments like this always remind me that i know exactly what i want to be and what i want to look like#and it’s the exact opposite of everything my mother wants me to be#this shit is going to be Hard. and i don’t expect my mother will stick around the further into my transition i get#which is so unbearable to me that i try not to think about it. i just can’t go back into the closet even for her#i was trying to force myself to do that before xmas and that’s what made me attempt and end up coming out to her#but i didn’t tell the full truth i just said i hate being feminine and i hate being a girl#i couldn’t bring myself to say the rest and i don’t know if i’ll ever say any of it to her#i wish i had a therapist so i could talk about all this as i’m working through the beginning of transition but. oh well
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i think.That you are worth more than you think you are Because the way that i see you and the way that you see yourself are wildly different things ,. Fromw aht ive seen i mean.
Anons are very strange sometimes and i dont think they should be called human when that happens because what is human without a name to. To go with it
i get very happy whwn i see you post . that isnt to say ill go on a rampage and start killing people if you wver need a break because you dont owe me the happiness you bring. You are doing what you like and i am along for the ride .! like a stupid hitchhiker who saw where you were headed and liked the idea .
i think layton has the worst most atrocious handwriting or the most curliest neat fancy writing ever. Chicken scratch or constant calligraphy no in between. also that time he slapped a sticky note on floras back and ran off. Yeah that was a good one. go little gayboy and have fun with the evil goth man in the alleyway who likes to cosplay
I see you’ve trapped me into responding by attaching a headcanon! Nefarious!
I’ve gotten the impression that a lot of how people see me and the way I see myself are different but I’m just kinda. Chalking it up to the persona I put online. I’ll always be a different person to you guys because here (and particularly on this blog) I’m a more normal idealized version of myself and then like. Parts of The Mental Illness seep through which is bad cause my blog is for silly posting about puzzle game characters and making other people cry. Ideally here I’m not. Me. Thyme is a silly little guy behind the screen who goes feral for Clark Triton and like. I’ll leave it at that. My personal blog has more bitching (a lot more. And I thank everyone who’s been putting up with it) but even then I try to curb the worst of it. Cause you guys don’t wanna hear allat and I don’t like making people worry. It kinda makes me want to die actually. Emotional vulnerability is like. Mmy worst trait.
I am glad that I make people happy tho! That’s kinda all I want out of anything so likeeee life goal achieved thanks. I should start calling you guys my hitchhikers now. How did I get 300 people in my car idk but you guys are along for the ride
Hershel is so me. I think he tries to have super nice handwriting and he does when it matters but if he’s going fast it quickly just devolves into something illegible to anyone but him. Hkdbkdb
#idk if I can mention it enough but I think doland is left handed and Descole’s shit handwriting is a product of replicating that#cause his handwriting on the essay doesn’t seem awful?#I haven’t looked at it in a while. I should be more insane about his essay#anyways!#thanks!#I’m like kinda the worst but bitches love my whimsy and that’s all that matters#I don’t think I can take a break. it’s not in the cards#I haven’t been on a true hiatus since. February?#and that was because I was too emotionally wrecked to get through the day without prolonged panic attacks. so.#it was also before I was daily posting. that started in. March or April#I don’t want to go on hiatus. usually that happens because I’m too exhausted to try interacting with anyone#or if things are happening#it’s!! whatever. I’m fine#thasks#thposts#thpersonal
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Tell me why every fictional character who has an anxiety disorder also has at least one love interest (except for the one character who’s asexual, love you Beth March from March Family Letters). For that matter tell me why everyone I know IRL who has anxiety issues also has a partner or at least an ex. Tell me why the DSM says women with social anxiety are likely to be married but not to have a job, and I’m the reverse. Tell me why it’s only me whose self-isolation has been so bad that I’m about to be 30 and never been kissed. What is it about me specifically? What’s it take, huh?!
#this is a vent post#i know I need to find an event or class or meet up to go to every week and get to know the people there#i know I should try the dating apps again#I’m just saying all of the ‘there are so many people in your age group who are in the same boat’ is starting to ring a little hollow#it’s not even just characters with anxiety disorders#temperance brennan is out here being bad at socializing and believing she’s unlovable and she has sex out the wazoo#like you have to all be lying to me about something#I know no one owes me shit but it’s not fair that everything in the world is about this one thing I don’t get to have#sometimes I can’t even listen to music because I hate myself so much for not being able to relate to all the love and breakup songs#sometimes I want someone to call me ugly or break my heart just to feel something
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I haven’t been able to take a shower this whole week I feel terrible and I wish I was dead. I don’t know why I said I would go full time at this job and I’m scared. I don’t think my life is going anywhere. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in nearly a week and I haven’t properly gotten to spend time with him for even longer like pretty much this whole month and even though he’s finally free today I couldn’t do it I told him I wasn’t feeling it and I just stayed in my room for the rest of the day still in my fucking work clothes just sitting here and I don’t know why!!!!!
#I was doing so so so so so good too and I don’t know what happened#I need to lose weight good fucking godddddd#sometimes I just want to start breaking stuff I’m really scared one day I’m just going to destroy all my shit#AND I DONT LIKE MY APARTMENT. I don’t like my roommates. they’re perfectly nice people I’m just a bitch but I miss living at home#which is irrational because living at home was actually killing me
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so it’s not enough for me to struggle mentally i’m also feeling the worst i’ve ever felt physically :)))
#this is my villain origin story#been to the ER twice the past two weeks that’s how bad it is :)#i‘m going to fucking kill myself it’s not even getting better#first i had a 40C/104F fever for D A Y S#then i got an antibiotic and at least the fever went down#BUT :)))#i got a cough and it was that bad that i started coughing up blood#at some point i just started throwing up cause again.. the cough was so intense#and if you think that’s all#no no no :)#right now i have a horrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic i mentioned that i haven’t even been taking since a week#i’ve got a HIGH dose of cortisone which i’m done with too now and it pretty much did nothing#like i guess it saved me from dying (yippie yay thanks now i just have to suffer more) but the rash isn’t just still there its worse#i can’t handle this shit#literally going insane#i need a fucking break#if one (1) more thing is thrown at me i‘ll just start sobbing#personal
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I say this with the deepest sense of hatred imaginable, fuck this article
#‘read more’ no I don’t think I will#hey google why was this a recommended article. wanna tell me why that is. wanna tell me why you thought I’d like this shit#there’s a difference between an opinion piece and literal ableism lmao fuck you man#this especially hits a nerve for me because I was a quote unquote snobby kid who was really just autistic#yeah hate to break it to you but I wasn’t locking myself in my room everyday and destroying things and screaming because I was bored#it was because I had debilitating anxiety and sensory overload that I didn’t understand or know how to deal with#pretty funny how the ‘snobby’ behavior stopped almost the second I got on meds and learned coping skills. huh. interesting#actually fuck this by the way this makes me so angry I can’t even verbalize it#yes there are kids who are just Being Kids. but ever stop to consider that maybe they’re going through something they can’t verbalize#saying that autistic behaviors are bratty is So fucking damaging. ppl will internalize it and turn that stress towards themselves#meltdowns that would’ve otherwise been outward get internalized and start self destructive behavior#my fucking source? points at myself#and using the term ‘functioning’ also pisses me the hell off#yeah I’m ‘high functioning’ until I’m Not and I can’t talk or move#also Nobody is just handing out autism diagnoses left and right to random kids who are defiant sometimes#my brother in Christ I would like to see a source for that. where’s the proof that this is happening other than rising autism rates#fuck you fuck you and most importantly actually just plain fuck you#I’ve been treated like shit by total strangers because I have selective mutism. that shit is traumatic#I wasn’t fucking Misbehaving when an old fuck starting publically yelling at me and berating me because I didn’t say hi back to him#I wasnt being ‘defiant’ when I could barely leave my fucking room for weeks afterwards and had panic attacks every fucking day#why the fuck would anyone let this article be published#tw ableism#so sorry for not being ladylike! it’s not the Victorian era you dipshit! I’m not trying to be rude I am autistic#but apparently autism doesn’t work like that so oh ok I guess I’m just a bad person. thanks for confirming my suspicions
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Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”
(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)
#don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong#also Suiren is even less like Aang than Korra is. she wouldn’t stand a chance in this fandom#everyone knows most people in this fandom can’t handle angry brown girls#and Suiren is honestly on a whole different level#so yeah#I’m glad it’s not a well known thing#but her biggest offence would of course be letting go of Raava#and thus also losing the connection to her past lives and ending the Avatar cycle#her next incarnation will not be the Avatar. they’ll be just a normal EK kid#and that is the biggest crime an Avatar could ever commit#deciding to spare future generations of the burden#the Avatar should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one person#and every Avatar we know of was stuck in an endless cycle of fixing their predecessors’ mistakes#nobody deserves that. especially not a child. and the Avatars ARE discovered as children for the most part#even at 16 like Roku Kyoshi and Kuruk is still way too young for having the fate of the world on your shoulders#I’d argue any age is too young#the world can’t depend on one person to solve their problems#the avatar is ultimately human. they make mistakes. they’re biased. they can be corrupted#and not a single generation goes by without at least one world-scale threat. nothing any avatar does is every enough. it’s a thankless job#no era of peace has ever lasted long. that has to be something worked for by the world at large#ending the cycle is the correct move because then the world will not be looking to the Avatar for every issue#and will actually start sorting shit out themselves. that’s my (very correct) view of it. at least#but again. this fandom will not be able to handle that. because they care about a bunch of long dead ghosts more than living characters#I’m sorry but sparing at least one kid of the trauma that comes with being the Avatar makes losing the past lives connection worth it#to me at least. and it’s not like breaking the connection erases them from ever existing like Greater Lord Rukkhadevata. they’re remembered#just can’t be accessed anymore. and that’s okay. they deserve to rest#(forgive me for the Genshin Impact reference it was the only thing I could think of. it was a brief phase I don’t play it anymore)#anyway. idk where this rant/meta just came from. I apparently have A Lot of thoughts about this AU that aren’t limited to Kuviren smut lmao#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
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*Twitching facedown on the floor, frothing and foaming at the mouth.*: Ghghghghgh…. Autoheart…. Songs…. So fitting…. For Simon, Betty, Magic Man…. Their sad sad polycule (A/N: their polycule I made up in my mind)….. oh my god. oh my god……
#fOOLISHLY WRONG! Simon singing to betty…. but not rlly… in his head. like. what Simon would think about everything Betty’s done…. gRGG#foolishly wrong is a song btw.#‘lent’ is also bad end petrigrof… like Betty lives but they break up…#I have several diff versions of these guys in my head… 1 where everything is honky dory wish fulfillment#1 where betty lives but like…. petrigrof truly becomes toxic…#have thoughts for betty and magic man… pre betty becoming golb..#have thoughts for magic man and Simon… post bettys sacrifice….#I have autoheart songs for that specific scenario too!#’factories’ and ‘Santa fe’. factories is Simon singing and Santa Fe is magic man.#sorry. I reveal I think these 3 should be horrifically and tragically entangled w one another.. romantically. platonically. ANYTHING#finding solace and understanding in one another…#I proceeded to be pelted w tomatoes and booed out of the adventure time fandom#I am probably just delusional I can admit this… I still… am obsessed. sorry lol#pepper words#like I think of these 3 together and I am instantly gnawing on the bars of my enclosure gHg-#lent I actually think is kinda good for all of them….#god ok NOW I’m gonna go do real life shit… like eat lunch… and research scanners….#*proceed. not proceeded. sorry… typings hard#Simon x magic man is COMPLETELY FABRICATED IN MY HEAD. I can admit that.. like those 2 I am just delusional#I just think! it’d be neat if they started hanging out after Betty brings back simon….#I also do rlly like wish fulfillment happy times w these 3… right now I’m listing to autoheart songs tho..#so uh… yeah. currently thinking about my fucked up sad ideas for them ghgh-#*listening#I also have thoughts about Betty actually getting proper therapy and help and support and giving up on her quest to save simon#or at least. maybe not giving up completely but… not being so tunnel vision obsessed w it…#and her and magic man being platonic life partners…#ok… anyway. bye. now I’m gonna go eat lunch. now that I’ve divulged w u all my stupid fucking adventure time thoughts ghghg-#actually kind of embarrassed talking about Betty x Simon x magic man but gGHGH-#I’m probably gonna draw art for them eventually might as well rip this bandaid off now lol#adventure time
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