#I’m a failure arent i? Lol

[thesaddestjoysandthesmallestlies]

Oh. I forgot to bring up that when I found out my classes. It’s all CP classes. And I have no fucking clue what my elective is. And I don’t know where any of my classrooms are because I was overstimulated and forgot to go look for them.

This is all horrid. Lol.

[gravitysoda]

okay i gotta make a textpost about it tags arent enough and i need to rant. Gwitch’s ending was pretty lame considering how good the rest of the series was. Like, it’s not so catastrophic that i hate the show now, but it was just so messy. The introduction of big threats like the giant space laser, the failure to establish stakes of things like quiet zero, which we’ve known about for almost a whole season but never really got a proper explanation for, the lack of actual consequences for actions…the way prospera’s literal terrorist acts and the abuse of her daughter are just hand waved away are just…ugh.

I also didn’t really like the scene where Suletta said she’d support Prospera even if she made the wrong choice. Like, seriously? Isn’t the point that Suletta CAN and WILL oppose her mother’s wrong actions now? You could argue she says that because she knows Prospera WILL make the right choice, but then why even say it in the way she did instead of saying she knows she’ll do what’s right? Not to mention even after that, Prospera still only hugs Eri and only acknowledges Suletta is there. I wish if we’re gonna have that scene she could at least hug them both, because I’m still not convinced she truly wants to change and care about Suletta like she does Eri.

Besides them, giant space laser accomplished absolutely nothing and was a waste of precious time and only served to create more unbelievable circumstances for everyone to somehow live through (as an aside, not that I wanted anyone to die, but it feels cheap that there were absolutely no physical consequences of all this besides a little bit of permet scarring on Suletta). It shouldn’t have even been there. If this is a Gundam focusing on interpersonal relationships, then we did not need the secondary antagonist swooping in at the last second when the show’s conclusion would have had much more punch and cleaner writing by just focusing on Suletta, Eri, and Prospera (and maybe Miorine and MAYBE Notrette).

Also the Jeturk plotline should have been wrapped up earlier lol they also ate up random time at the end and I just could not bring myself to give a fuck about Lauda. Just glad he didn’t end up murdering Guel for no reason.

This show would have had a much better conclusion without introducing and trying to cram in so much stuff at the end and by pacing itself better.

…but hey, at least Sulemio are canonically married LOL

[gigismodernlife]

2023: Finally the End of the Covid Era; Surpassing the Aftermath

For me (and I’m sure many can relate) this year sure feels like reaching the end of a series of very overwhelming chapters in a book that put life into perspective but ultimately redeemed itself by giving the reader a glimpse of hope. I like the way Chad simplified it: “2020:covid 2021:covid 2022:covid ending 2023:covid aftermath, this year was weird, besides the Economy still sucking, 2024 should be a good year” The impact of the last four years was seriously hard on me, as it was for many others. After a lot of reflection, I can say that the best thing to come out of it for me was helping me open my eyes and see things clearly through my glass lenses lol. Some call it a Spiritual Awakening, an Epiphany, "finding yourself" or "Accepting God into your life" I've discovered that in its essence it is all very similar. To each their own, as long as whatever they believe in leads them to do good in the world. For me, I am mostly subscribing to Modern Christianity, the one that accepts all people, but I am also hungry for knowledge and still absorb other things too. Jay Shetty and Joe Dispenza have some great YouTube interviewers that people of my generation like. Anyway, the lyrics from Amazing Grace "I once, was lost, but now, i'm found, was blind, but now I see" have never rang more true. And, I cant forget to mention that I also met the true love of my life and got engaged. Look who's not dying alone after all lol! 

So, I had forgotten, but I wrote a Blog, I think it was at the end of 2020 called "Developing Depression During A Global Pandemic & Black Lives Matter Movement" I doubt anyone has ever read it but its there if anyone wants to read it. For those who arent familiar, depression can be situational or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some people with depression experience it every few years, some completely overcome it, and others sadly never overcome it. Mine tends to be situational. Im assuming I get depressed because I am a highly sensitive, emotional and empathetic person. I realized all of this because I fell so deep into depression this last time that I became desperate enough to finally try medication, which I tend to avoid. It was a nightmare to say the least, I am personally better without medication, but I know it works for some people. The point is, I don't think I have a serious chemical imbalance, I just have trouble handling some hard situations that life has thrown at me, and based on my history, I have gotten much better at recognizing when I feel it and I can thankfully help myself out of it. This time though, I did'nt even remember how I had overcome depression in the past because from October of 2022 to about September of 2023 I was depressed AGAIN and much worse this time. If I would have gone back and read that blog I wrote, I really could have helped myself. I sincerely hate to say this, especially because I had already learned that money does not buy happiness, but the truth is, I messed up and I should've believed in myself more. My biggest fear was losing my income and having to go back home to San Diego after I worked so hard to branch out of there. I was so loyal to this job because I reached middle class financial independence working there but NONE OF THAT MATTERS! It's all a social construct. Middle class doesn't even mean much anymore these days, specifically in this economy (I'll write more about that another time). I should've quit my job so long ago, I tried, but the fear consumed me, as if it was worth the suffering, but it definitely was not. I mean, I ended up being affected by one of many mass lay offs across the country anyway, so I don't necessarily think I am a failure by any means, I learned a lot there, but it was definitely not the company for someone like me. That is life, and most people don't stick to one single job their entire life anymore. All of my worst fears ended up happening. I lost my job, I went back home to San Diego, which for me, holds some very bad memories. It didnt even end up being a bad thing, I ended up re-building my relationship with my family, I took a real estate course, I made memories with my nieces. It felt like God just helped me pick up my broken pieces and now I am whole again. I also set the right intention for my relationship and luckily now I have a Fiance and we are happier than ever in Oregon! I had been operating in constant fear and anxiety of becoming poor or homeless, I am so sorry to myself for doing that, I did not deserve that and neither did my cats. So basically, this year was about forgiving myself, TRULY forgiving myself. 

It's my first Christmas here in Oregon. Im sitting here in my pajamas, looking out the window at trees, surrounded by a cloudy sky, the temperature is in the high 40 degrees. I can't help but cry happy tears and reflect on life (I cry a lot, not just when I'm sad, but when im overwhelmingly happy too lol). My new boss called a few hours into the shift yesterday. No questions about performance, just a simple "Everyone go home! Spend Christmas Eve with your families" what a culture shock. At my old job, I hardly took days off. I asked to leave "on time" instead of staying later to make my flight to New Mexico at 8pm on Christmas Eve to be with family. I felt full of guilt and shame being asked about my performance, as if they needed to know whether or not I deserved to not stay later. I couldn't even enjoy it fully, because I was stressed that I did'nt do well enough. I am so glad those days are over. Today I really get to relax, and enjoy life. Everything is actually going to be okay.

What a whirl wind, this Covid Era was. The world was sick with Covid then the nice media outlets helped spread the encouragement of thanking your “Essential Workers” but really, a lot of the big companies approached it wrong and many of these workers mental health started to deteriorate from being overworked. Followed by consistent mass layoffs, even when profits were higher than usual. Then of course other media outlets spread nothing but fear. Oh! AND then we got frustrated because we got to see how other countries were smarter and more caring about the stimulus packages for their people. I realized that some other countries have a leadership team that relates more to their people and in tough times can show how they genuinely they care about their well being, rather than profit. (It's funny to me how this parallels my experience with Corporate America). I think many people realized that our country is not just physically sick, it's actually mentally struggling. Thank goodness for Millenials and Gen Z who started making mindfulness become what we call viral, or popular or "Woke". This is how many of us got back to religion, or even if they are not part of a religion, they still see things much more clearly and want to do better for themselves and make the world a better place. I still choose to believe that the majority of people are good, even though I've experienced some awful people in my lifetime.

For me, things are finally okay now, physically and emotionally. Im living a humble life, learning and growing and surrounded by much nicer people now, I mean this in the nicest way, but it feels almost shocking that here, people have morals, and they care about women being treated, "special" for lack of a better word. L.A. was definitely not my home and I hope it will never be again. Here, I see forests and mountains everywhere I look, I get greeted by cute squirrels outside all of the time, and lastly the rivers and lakes are beautiful. Even my cats are showing significant signs of healthier and happier lives. Im in the outskirts, but Downtown Portland is beautiful too. It is small compared to L.A. and San Diego, but exceptionally clean and pretty, friendliness is everywhere. The best part is that it has preserved some really nice historical buildings. It holds the largest book store in the world! It feels a little like a ghost town because the riots during the Black Lives Matter movement drove out a lot of businesses, therefore there are a lot of empty places, but none the less, it is a very nice experience to walk through it. Homelessness is also an issue here just like it is in California. The people out here though, the majority all seem so nice, it gives off a small town feel where everyone is just trying to live their best life and spread positive vibes. It's not about the car you drive, the way you dress, the neighborhood you live in, they just want to be good people, and honestly, they are some of the most good looking people I've come across. They're not rushing from place to place because "time is money" its just simple and chill. I haven't experienced the angry honking, or rude interactions I am used to. Im just minding my own business, smiling at everyone and taking it all in. I love it here.

I think I feel what a lot of immigrants feel when they first come to America, except I just didn't leave the country, I only migrated to another state. I feel like a kid experiencing life for the first time. The excitement, the knowledge I am consuming, the culture shocks in the most positive way. Im just open minded and learning and growing and appreciating every moment with my whole heart. It feels like God gave me a warm hug this year. He not only helped me out of depression, he helped me see that I have a bigger purpose, and helped me find a state that suits me and my personality better. Thank You infinitely to God and to Oregon for welcoming me.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[jamzandbamz]

I was reading through your asks from the last week and someone mentioned something that I had thought about as well. There’s been a few times that Jeff has said “guys don’t take everything I say so seriously.” I think he said that in the gaming stream but an example of it would be in the IQ Test when he said he Sept with one of the Chain Smokers’ girlfriends. Someone asked him to tell that story and that’s when he said “I never did that, don’t take everything I say so seriously.”

So what I’m getting at is….I guess we won’t know until the George pod comes out (which was filmed two days after he talked about the new girl) how he is feeling about it. He definitely was way over the top with how he was talking about her. It was interesting when he was telling his mom they’re having a baby and will have a home birth (she’s holistic but it’s odd that they had that conversation after seeing each other only two weeks but anyway) then after saying he met a girl he says kind of in a deflated tone “nah I’m just joking but I did meet a girl.” The tone was completely opposite of the rest of the episode when she was mentioned. So was it an act? I’ve heard views are down is that why he’s acting like this?

The person that had the ask I’m referring to said this: “Honestly, part of me is starting to wonder if he’s sharing all of this for content and realistically, things aren’t quite how he’s making out with this girl? Wondering that because of it being complicated, how quick he was to say they arent bf/gf, his reaction when steven talked about being in love.” To say two weeks ago that it was so complicated you weren’t even in communication after Coachella and then one week ago “you can’t help when you meet the love of your life Steven”, “you never know when to expect it/I met a girl in the last few weeks that’s changed my life for the better.” What are your thoughts?

Sizeable post for you! (If you want it 🥺) I answered over 90 asks that night so some stuff is a bit buried now lol! My take is still that it's an over the top expression of very real feeling bc he's very happy, but that there's humor showing bc he's naturally comedically inclined 🤣

I dont think it's as sophisticated as a pre-meditated strategy to get views (just my opinion). He's the type to get *high* off of other's moods, music, vibes, etc. He's amenable to drugs, mild altering substances, probably hypnosis, etc.. That makes him *very* very susceptible to transforming into an energizer bunny when he's emotionally stimulated (good or bad) lol! Just my sense

When he said that to his mom, it came after saying "threw em (meds) in the trash," which he followed with "is this what spreading misinformation is? Im just kidding mom. I have met a girl, but im just goofin around" so you're right that he's not gullible, I think he wouldn't stop meds, or stop seeing doctors...I think it's more that he's high as a kite and saying whatever as a goofy guy lol. He's very likely to get sent a different way when he's into a girl, too, bc he's the type to please & mold himself to her. Also, emotions set in quick when you fall for someone. Even a few days, or a week! Something did uncomplicate itself, absolutely

I don't think he lies as much as others' might think, but there was a huuuge disagreement in Feb when we were chatting about it on here when I started taking asks. My takes are a lil different I guess. I think he can be very "laughing on the outside, crying in the inside." I was maybe one of just a few who believed he was unhappy/bothered by the failure of that potential relationship. ☁️ just my thoughts 💕

[rainclover]

Hi there!! I’m Rain (19)!! Nice to meet ya!! Hope you enjoy your stay :) he/they

Main art account: soulcrepes

I post about:

• bugs

• politics

• art

• fashion

• animals

• shows (toh, mlp, su, pretty much any cartoon)

• video games (tlou, deltarune, omori, splatoon)

• etc!

DNI if: racist, transphobic, homophobic, antisemitic, anti arabic, anti indigenous, fatphobic, ableist, pro capitalist, etc.

This blog is a safeplace for he/him lesbians, butch trans women, feminine trans men, trans ppl who arent passing at all, fans of childrens media, furries, people who dont fit white centric beauty standards, hairy trans ppl, “scary” trans ppl, anyone who needs a caretaker, anyone who needs disability aids, people with “scary” mental illnesses, and just about anybody else. I could go on for a long while LOL. To those people,

Have a wonderful day, I love you. You are not broken, or imperfect, or a failure, or anything of the sort. You are you, and that is a wonderful thing. I hope your life only gets better here on out. I’ll be rooting for you! 💙

[mrlovermanswhore]

hey man, read your comment on that tiktok a bit back& i just wanted to say that, ultimately, you can’t police other people’s actions, and it’ll make your time on the internet a lot better when you start to figure tht out. i don’t mean this in a rude way it’s just! i did a lot of the same stuff u did when i was younger (ie ‘calling out’ people’s bad behavior) and everything’s just..a lot less stressful once you realize that the only person who’s actions u can control are ur own. if somethings bothering u, it’s way more helpful to just block em and move on. there’s always gonna be people out there who don’t fit up to ur standards/the way you view the world. you’re setting yourself up for failure if you expect everyone around u to conform to ur own social ideals (and tht goes for anything, even if u think it’s super bad like!! person X/Y/Z isn’t gonna care yknow?) ahh but w/e i’m just some rando on the internet lol sorry for stepping on my soapbox, if this advice is worthless to u then fair enough man!! hope u have a good day/night :-)

Before I start actually answering this question, I just want to say im not mad at anon, and i know theyre saying this from a genuine place. And i really appreciate their concern. I just get these comments alot with both real life and also online, and im just tired of repeatedly answering the same thing. Okay, onto the actual 'answer'

(Also, the following paragraph fonts are rotating from regular to bold, to regular, to bold and italicized, to regular again)

I get what ur saying, and usually i do just block them and move on, but a majority of the time im reblogging from people i follow/am mutuals with who just arent aware because they dont have tiktok (so how would they possibly know).

And they arent the ones *making* the content im referring to, so like why would i block everyone on tumblr instead of informing them (and best scenario they listen, worst scenario, ill end up blocking them too). And i dont expect everyone to just like blindy follow me, but if i have a platform where *some* people will listen to me, im gonna talk.

Im not trying to police anyone, I enjoy having discussions abt this kind of stuff. The things i say are meant for the people i know want to listen. I dont really care about anyone else. If anyone thinks what im saying is abusrd, the block button is always available.

And i dont expect anyone to conform to my expectations. People are human. My goal is to just inform them.

The point of me reblogging with 'calling ppl out' is just to give added perspective and information to all of my followers/mutuals. Like im aware it wont be life changing.

Spreading awareness is something i enjoy doing, and if im not feeling mentally/physically prepared then i wont force myself to talk about those kinds of topics, i will always aim to put my health at the moment over writing 'call out' posts :)

[fatcowboys]

I started listening to sky jacks because of your posts about it! I have almost no idea what’s going on mechanically (I’ve never played genesys or anything like it, and reading a summary only helps so much) but I’m loving the Vibes and the characters

YES EXCELLENT GOOD im glad youre loving it!!!

yeah genesys is really different and it took me a bit to figure it out (and i still only kinda do lol. i have a system book coming and then i cant be stopped). the basics are like. the dice arent number based they have symbols that represent successes, failures, advantages, disadvantages, triumphs and despairs, so rather than trying to roll and hit a certain amount, you get a combo of those things. the dice also have different colors which represent difficulty so like. if you're good at something you roll a blue dice which i Think means its more likely to have the good results.

i personally am a huge fan of the way it works bc i have fallen into the trap as a dm and player of combat in dnd being like a numbers game (which isn't inherently a bad thing but i prefer a more narrative style which this lends itself to). so i think summarizing it in narrative terms instead is very cool and leads to some fascinating character decisions. it definitely took me a bit to figure out but im very excited to read thru the system book!

[gwisingegooli]

honestly being a hot girl and growing up as one in your formative years probably gives u such a weird perception of the world — cause men treat u hella weird all the time, they want something from you. sexist women are your enemy. you feel like you have to uphold the stndard as the hottest woman while internally you dont actually feel that way

as someone who grew up as a sick, goofy nerd and not basing my value in my appearance i am so thankful lol. this is why i hated men so much post puberty after my glow up. i was like wtf is this sexist fucking treatment. why do they all not act like a good friend and instead they do al this weird manipulation. why is my value suddenly all in my appearance. why am i being objectified as a sexy object and nobody cares to be my friend.

i hate it!!! i hate these weird fking gender roles. like we could all be friends yknow, and appreciate each other and learn from each other. and again it is ok to have romantic intentions or even sexual intentions towards people. but making people feel BAD?? or like an OBJECT?? like a failure if they dont perform “sexy” enough for you??

ultimatey i just need to not perform for these ppl. or since the relationship is built solely on superficial bullshit, once you’re not sexually attracted to each other you guys have no value to each other anymore.

but like why is it so many men. who dont know how to have meaningful, wholesome friendships.

also so many men don’t know that they shouldn’t be enabling this behavior tbh. like men are so fking passive and dont stand up for the right thing all the time. same w women too i guess. idk like if the majority of ppl arent fking NORMAL HEALTHY ppl then the vibe is immediately off. like as a feminist if i’m in the minority it is so hard to fight the bullshit rhetoric people spew about women. and even the guys who dont agree dont know how to be allies and choose to be silent rather than rocking the boat. fking enablers.

anyways yeah i’m distancing myself from those vibes bc i dont wanna be in their sad little shitstorms, and then when theyre old and alone theyll realize they wasted their time on all of these superficial relationships to overcompensate for how sad and alone they feel on the inside, because they wanted to seem cool to people they dont een care about. or bc theyre just h word all the time and dont know how to prioritize meaningful relationships over short term societal values.

IS THIS WHAT U WANT FROM LIFE? ITS OK TO ASK FOR MORE. being friends w women is so much better than the endless circle jerk over new hot women who are happy to manipulate you.

i miss being a kid sometimes lol when did it all get so weird between heterosexual men and women

[felony-dykery]

Im so excited for the day when all the morbidly obese haes libfems and the FtM hrt butches clogging up the rad community die of heart failure so we can finally move onto productive discourse instead of wasting our time infighting with idiots

I know who you arrrreeeee now lol I thought you were the edgelord who made the stupid "haes is about lazy fat women wanting to be objectified like me, a fit and respectable female" but nooo. You arent that idiot and I'm so glad for my own personal comfort that I know what nonsense blog has been sending me all these anons. It's one person yall. One person who is outnumbered by rational, compassionate women.

Ty to the blog who told me who this is. I wont expose the person who did tell me. but just know I appreciate that info so much. These dms being from just one weirdo and not tons makes me feel a lot less distressed about the state of the radfem community as a whole.

[oleanderblume]

Okay more spinel

Because her character is cool and I like her.

So let's get on with this.

I know a shut ton of people heavily relate to spinel because she has an ostensibly relatable backstory, but also because she represents BPD to a rather miraculous extent. And I am in the mood to explain WHY.

So, when a lot and I mean majority neurotypical folks hear of BPD they think "this person is abusive and dangerous" obviously that's not always the case, the ironic contrast I have been seeing is that despite spinel's character typing, people are falling head over heals for her while at the same time; if faced with someone who actually does have BPD they would probably feel threatened by them. More on that later.

Anyways, how does BPD work? Why is spinel a decent example for someone with bpd?

Bpd or borderline personality disorder is a trauma based disorder characterized by extreme paranoia, fear of abandonment, social withdrawal or lashing out, excessive emotional eruption (feeling everything very loudly and all at once, but only short periods of time), general lack of identity and purpose, and spiraling among other things.

Because borderline personality stems from trauma and abuse, usually neglect of some sort, the person who has it has an innate urge to please others, a desire to be seen and heard and cared for heavily contradicted by their unstable fear and paranoia surround the people they most care for, that contradiction is what causes emotional outbursts and spiraling.

So, let's apply this to spinel in a way that's understandable aside from just pointing out the similarities in the disorder and her characterization.

Spinel has a history of prolonged abuse, despite gems living for thousands upon thousands of years, spinel is relatively young in comparison to her primary abuser, pink diamond. (Because spinel was made for pink and thus existed after pink)

Pink diamond is also her primary source of companionship. To put it into time relevance, pink is like a twelve year old, and spinel is like a 6 year old.

Spinel's only goal is to entertain and be a friend to pink, but she relies heavily on pink to be consistent in her approval of what spinel does as entertainment (truthful) and she relies on pinks companionship for the relationship to function as it's supposed to. She gives entertainment and companionship in return for approval and companionship.

The balance became off kilter due to pink wanting other than that companionship, a colony, and lack of proper communication leading to her manipulating spinel into playing a game she could not win.

Pink didnt communicate her disapproval of spinel's behavior, which in turn exasperated her own enjoyment with spinel, leading to that manipulation.

This lack of communication spurs the desire for approval in spinel's character, she wants to be good and a friend, was lead to believe she was, when in reality she wasn't, in her eyes. The realization of this began to dawn on her after pink left, but likely before Steven's message ie:

"Is this how it goes, am I doing it right?"

Spinel spent 6000 years in the garden waiting for pink to come back, under the impression that if she continued to play the game, correctly, that she would eventually return. Hence, her desire to be seen as a good friend who obeys and entertains above all else.

This is why she displays a deep desire to be a good gem be good at her job, and why she feels that she inherently isn't.

After she receives Steven's message, she is forced into the realization that the game didnt matter, pink wasnt ever going to come back, from her perspective, pink didnt care for her or want to be her friend, which causes spinel to feel like she is a bad gem, that she doesnt do her job, that she isnt good enough.

Spinel has received only the information from the broadcast (I am including the book reading in this because it sets up the broadcast scene and white diamond speaks to the screen directly after) she knows very little about the rebellion, or the war, only that pink made new friends, had a son and didnt come back for her withing the numerous perceived opportunities she could have. This aspect is important, as if the broadcast told the whole truth, spinel likely would have understood a bit more of the gravity of the events that had taken place.

After spinel learns of pinks new friends and Steven's existence, this is when her severe neglect and abandonment as well as a loss of identity kick in, she is filled with rage, despair and self loathing.

Spinel has lost her identity, her purpose, because she feels she isnt good enough for what she was made to do, despite being a perfect cut, she is nothing, all she will ever be is nothing, nothing to pink, nothing to anyone, nothing to herself.

After having no companionship and no means of safe emotional outlet, spinel is effectively blindsided by the sudden and impactful amount of pain and hate she is feeling. She has no way of confronting this emotion, and she doesnt know how to confront it so she does the next best thing, vent it out on people who were closest to pink, her best friends.

Essentially spinel cant focus her rage on pink diamond because she is gone, so instead she will focus it on the people who, to her, took pink away from her.

Now, given spinel's self deprecating nature, she likely had no real plan afterward, more than likely, she fully intended to be poofed, rejuvenated or shattered. After all, she is nothing to pink, and she is even less to Steven, she doesnt deserve to exist.

From observation, the speed at which she arrived on earth from after she heard the broadcast, she was likely having a severe mental breakdown and spiral, which can be incredibly hard to get out of when one has low self esteem and no proper means of emotional release.

A spiral is when a person (or in this case a character) becomes self deprecating and an increasingly more volatile rate, they are incredibly hard to get out of because the mental illness doesnt allow positive thought, the person will feel bad for their actions or feel bad about trauma or failures and will continually throw insults at themselves or those around them for trying to convince them differently.

Spinel spirals twice in the movie, the most excellent example is her paranoia of being abandoned leading to irrational thought and self depreciative spiraling and lashing out as a means of emotional protection.

I'm not really going to speak on the middle of the movie because it essentially rehashes that emotional trauma and neglect I mentioned earlier, the only difference is that is is comparable to a person with BPD who has effectively repressed those traumatic memories and is slowly reliving them, which subsequently causes a major relapse.

What I will say however, is that some other common symptoms appear in spinel like they do with folks with BPD. Spinel has an fp. A favorite person basically.

Folks with BPD often pick a companion of theirs and become extremely attached to them, they care incredibly deeply for them, and can also feel incredibly betrayed by them when they dont act in ways that the person is comfortable ie; displaying traits that can, to the person with BPD lead to abandonment.

Folks with BPD also tend to tailor their personalities for their companions in order to receive that approval they desire most.

Spinel displays this fairly effectively when she lashes out at Steven when he tells her to stay with the new crystal gems, she also displays the tailor trait when she mimics amethysts actions during the nobody else duet.

Finally, when spinel reverts back to her dark form, she displays the other symptoms of BPD, hesitance to trust, then blind trust and desire to please, her paranoia over Steven leaving her, and the subsequent spiral leading her to lash out in effort to protect herself from more emotional trauma and eventually dropping out of her spiral and then the final, trying to leave before abandonment can happen.

This is a fairly important one, as a lot of folks with BPD tend to feel that abandonment is an eventuality, and another form of protection from that is purposely distancing oneself and leaving before that abandonment can take place.

Spinel, after her second spiral is still very much traumatized, and still very much self destructive, has low self esteem, despite wanting to be better, so to spare herself the pain of facing people she has actively harmed in her worst moments, and to spare herself from what she believes is an eventual abandonment, she desires to leave and start over.

Do I think this is healthy? Mmm..no. mostly because I know that folks with BPD have an incredibly hard time breaking paranoia, low self esteem and self destructive behavior. I definitely dont think that spinel should have left with the diamonds because they have no idea what she is capable of and what she has been through, or how to deal with her self destructive behavior in a healthy way. They arent even able to completely overcome their own abusive behavior so..no, I dont think it was a good decision to have her go with them. But that doesnt really matter right now lol.

What matters is; spinel is a good example of what it is like to have BPD, she is a good example of the low self esteem and self destructive behaviour people with BPD have. She is a good example because she isn't seen as a completely lost cause by Steven and the others, despite what she herself believes. She has an acurate portrayal of the trauma that develops bpd, the symptoms of BPD in an easily digestible way and she isnt portrayed to have these issues completely resolved by the end of the film.

She very VERY quickly jumps into another relationship that can very easily be destroyed by either the diamonds or herself, and still struggles with low self esteem and the desire to be approved of by Steven, and the diamonds.

She isnt fixed by the end. But she doesnt get treated as a terrible person either.

Most people who talk about BPD who dont have it themselves very often say that they are inherently abusive, and overlook that persons trauma. That doesnt happen for spinel, Steven sympathizes with her trauma, despite largely being sidetracked and not fully indulged in helping her for her sake, rather than helping his own needs.

It's understandable and infuriating at the same time. Because the type of person spinel is, requires a different approach and a far more delicate one at that, something Steven hasn't had the same quite of experience with yet. Which is what largely caused her to spiral the second time. And it wasnt until Steven realized how selfish he had been that he was able to even make a proper and not misleading connection with spinel.

So there you have it, my analysis of spinel, why she portrayed BPD very very well, and how bod is a largely misunderstood and stigmatized disorder.

[sassybluebooks]

W Two Worlds thoughts...

Just finished W Two worlds and it was a pretty solid drama! The plot was super interesting, I’ve always wished I could go into my favorite books and be a character!! I really liked most of it up until the end where it kinda feels like they just wanted to make the characters struggle for no reason, but I did like the ending it was well deserved. The acting was pretty solid too, although I felt like Oh Yeon Joo spent most of her time hiding behind her hands and making the same face lol. Regardless I would rewatch because the going back and forth between both worlds is done well, the art from the webtoon is also beautifully done, and of course I’m a sucker for romance and angst (which there’s a lot of angst). The usual kdrama tropes used were done, in my opinion, pretty well like they fit with story and didn’t feel like it was just to have the trope in there? Idk as much as I dislike the typical tropes I’m also a sucker for them, it might be the hopeless romantic in me lol. Oh Yeon Joo’s dad’s storyline was also really good and I think he got a fitting ending. Although I must admit I don’t really get why he had beef with Chul and called him a monster. IMO nothing Chul did at the beginning was worth calling him a monster, i think it was more of a failure on Oh Seung moo’s part as a writer if anything. I’m no writer but I would hope as a successful writer he would have come up with a story for the killer if he was intending finding the culprit to be Chul’s only purpose, which it was. Before the reveal I kept trying to think of who it could be and the reasoning behind it but I must admit I think the idea for the real culprit was clever although I was still kinda unsatisfied by it for whatever reason. Moving on I really liked the whole fighting against a predetermined ending concept Chul kept bringing up . I also found interesting how a main character turned into a side character and a nobody( in the webtoon) became a lead and how that impacted the story. Park Soo Bong was funny, the humor was something I didn’t expect but there was some pretty funny scenes in the show which is always a plus as I feel sometimes there’s too much bad/sad/ angst and nothing to counter that! While I was left with some questions at the end like what happened to the webtoon world, can he go back and forth still, what about his hyung??? I still thought it was a good ending for the characters. Overall I was able to enjoy most of the show and the few faults I find in it arent a dealbreaker for me so I will be rewatching at some point!

[wickymicky]

can weki meki be considered successful though? i love them and their fanbase is a positive place compared to other ioi groups, but they haven't gotten any wins and i think that people really don't talk about them (the general korean public + the international kpop fandom doesn't seem to pay any attention to anyone but the ioi members) i mean i guess in that theyre still promoting theyre successful but not really in actual popularity, which is really too bad since theyre such a good group :(

it depends on how you define success, for sure. they’re not successful in terms of general popularity, sure, but they have a solid audience. i think if you have enough people who not only like your group, but actually ult your group, you’re doing something right. dreamcatcher’s the same way. both of these groups put out songs that fit their respective aesthetics, and cater to their existing fanbases. i think you build a better fanbase by appeasing the people who already love you than by trying to win over as many people as possible. because when you aim for universal popularity, it shows, and the songs can sometimes lack personality, and comebacks can be drastically different from each other because the company considers each attempt a failure. i gotta mention dia again... they’re a group whose company really seems to want to shoot for the widest possible audience, and so they just kept trying shit and moving on to something else when it didnt go viral. 

it seems like mbk’s intended audience when giving dia a comeback is “people who arent fans”, in order to try and win them over and be instantly successful overnight, like momoland was with bboom bboom. fantagio and happyface’s intended audience seems to be “our fans, people who get us and are liking what we’re doing here already”. that’s the kind of thing that makes someone go from a casual fan to ulting a group, and those are the people who tell their friends to listen to their favorite group lol. weki meki and dreamcatcher have strong fandoms because they spread by word of mouth, i think. so does loona, that’s the whole point of the “stan loona” meme lol, that counts as word of mouth. loona’s career is taking off a little bit right now, but i think generally the reason people get into loona is because they see how much other people like loona, lol. that’s how i did! same with dreamcatcher and kinda same with weki meki, though i was aware of them before i got into them, a little bit. 

so i guess weki meki aren’t successful in terms of like... you know... success... lmao....... but i think they’re successful in doing what they set out to do and not only getting a fandom but maintaining a fandom. they’re a fun group to be a fan of, i think. that’s why they won me and a lot of other people over. i think that’s a valid form of success. maybe they dont make as much money as other groups (they definitely dont lmao), but... i mean that probably should matter to me more lmao but selfishly i kinda dont care, i dont get into groups because of how monetarily successful they are, i’m just here for a good time. if weki meki never gets a music show win, it wouldnt make any difference to me. i’ll support them and vote for them cause it’d be nice to, but it’s not that important to me. i think engagement from fans is just as important if not more so than wins and chart positions. groups dont stick around for years because they have famous members or had a hit song or whatever... if they did, then pentagon would be as big as bts lol. groups stick around because they have an audience. attention isnt important unless you know how to keep it. it’s no use if they have a big song and then nobody sticks around for their next one. having two songs that do “pretty good” is better than having one that does amazing and one that totally flops. and i think having a dedicated fandom is a pretty important factor in determining what songs do “pretty good” in the first place. 

also, i think that in the grand scheme of things, they’re not like a totally nugu group. just like how it’s wrong to call them popular, it’s also wrong to call them unpopular, lol. they’re doing alright, all things considered. picky picky is almost at 10 million views, which’ll be their third to hit that milestone, and while tiki taka and dazzle dazzle arent anywhere near that, still, there’s a lot of groups that would kill to have even one music video with 10 million. when you compare them to groups that regularly get music show wins or music videos with 20 or 30 million views, sure weki meki look like an obscure group, especially in terms of how well theyre known outside of korea, and even in korea, as you said. but when you compare them to the groups who struggle to crack a million views, and who lose and gain members every comeback, and who even other kpop fans often havent heard of... then i think it’s clear that weki meki are sitting in a relatively comfortable position. it’s not perfect, but things are fairly okay, lol. 

oh and one last thing, i just wanna say that “being known inside/outside of korea” also isnt that big a deal to me tbh. much as it pains me to say it... i think armys are sorta half-right when they say that it’s really just bts at the top. i think it’s not that simple, obviously groups like blackpink, twice, and red velvet have made a huge impact, and of course groups like snsd and exo, but still, the pool of groups like that is relatively small. for the most part, kpop is still pretty small and niche. success with the general public in and out of korea doesnt necessarily matter to me all that much, because i think what matters more is how successful a group is among kpop fans. even in korea, like, not every korean person is into kpop lol. there are people like us who are into the scene and community, and there are people who dont give a shit. i mean, that should be obvious, but it’s worth pointing out that like nobody talks about anime like it has to appeal to the general public. sure, everyone’s heard of dragonball and naruto, but there are successful anime out there that the general public has never heard of, but theyre successful because people who are into anime like it a lot. you know what i mean? its successful in the anime fan community. when you look at it like that, comparing weki meki to a group that has found recognition outside the kpop fan community is kind of a stretch and not very helpful. if you think about how recognized weki meki are by the community of people who are into kpop girl groups, then i think they’re not doing that bad. shrug. and i think their future is still bright

[ao3feed-keitor]

Cum Moriar (When I Die)

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2WspGXc

by CalamityK

“Tell me, Witch, do you plan to put me back inside a bottle?” The demon leans closer, whispering the question against the bone of Keith’s cheek. “Summon me again when everything fades to black, and you can’t claw your way out of the darkness? Over and over. Or do you think you’re going to have to banish me altogether? Maybe call those friends of yours in here and wrangle me back down to hell as though you’ll never need me again. As though you owe me nothing.”

The last words are spoken in a guttural growl that ricochets through the wall of Keith’s chest and feels like it grips his beating heart.

Keith shakes his head, the little bit of unease in his body fading to steadfast decision. There’s a burn in his left palm that tells him Pidge followed his instructions perfectly, and it’s all the reassurance he needs to reply.

“No.” --------------- Or that fic where Keith is a witch determined not to die (or at least to never stay dead), and Lotor is the resurrection demon he accidentally seals to himself in the process.

Words: 14528, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Darlings, Demons, Death

Fandoms: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Keith (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance (Voltron), Hunk (Voltron), Lotor (Voltron), Krolia (Voltron), Allura (Voltron)

Relationships: Keith/Lotor (Voltron)

Additional Tags: Allura is in this as more of the vague sentient idea of a being, occult!au, Demons, Witches, Witchcraft, demon!Lotor, Witch!Keith, Visions, Eventual Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, because the bond makes them fuck, but full consent is present, Bonding, Magical Bond, Spells & Enchantments, Spell Failure, Keith accidentally bonds a resurrection demon oops, Resurrection, Temporary Character Death, no permanent death, Occult, vision sequences, Magic, Alternate Universe - Magic, Sex Magic, Rune Seals, I am running out of tags, Keith has good friends, Magic Mom!Krolia, Rimming, Light Bondage, Magical Bondage, magical lube, I'm trying to cover a lot of bases here lol and there arent enough tags, Demon Sex, Demon Summoning, Yall get the hint right, there be demons, but not the bad kind

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2WspGXc

[gwentoryfics]

I'm feeling really unconfident about my writing at the moment, so I thought I could turn to you for help. you've probably dealt with similar feelings, so would you mind letting me know how you deal with it when you feel like you arent living up to your own expectations? I'm struggling with that to the point that its keeping me from writing altogether

okay i love this question and i have a million things to say about it. i’m gonna throw down a 'keep reading’ button since i have a feeling this may take up quite a bit of space lol

there are two things i want to talk about in regards to this topic: expectations (like you mentioned) and comparisons. i think a lot of stress, self-doubt, and lack of confidence stems from those two things - the expectations we have about our work, and the way we feel about our work compared to those we admire.

when i was in college, i took a class called spirituality & empowerment. it dealt mostly with the topic of finding peace through mastering your mindset. it felt pretty hokey at the time and i didn’t fully commit to the meditation practices and everything else we did, but in the years since taking the class i’ve had a lot of time to reflect on one of the main teachings: you cannot find peace and happiness as long as expectations exist.

to apply this directly to writing:

if you have high expectations for your quality of writing, you will inevitably be disappointed. you are your own worst critic and you will always find flaws with your writing. if perfection is your goal, you will never reach it, and you will forever be frustrated with your perceived inability to write “well.”

completely eliminating expectations from your life is incredibly difficult, if not practically impossible. i’m certainly guilty of still setting expectations for myself. but there are ways to lessen and change those expectations into something more manageable, to actually give yourself a chance at writing something you’ll be happy with.

1. expect that your first draft will be shitty. give yourself permission to write something terrible. don’t stress about sentence structure or word choice - just throw something onto the page and let it be god awful. letting yourself have that shitty first draft releases a lot of the burden to write well and instead lets you focus on just getting the main plot points down. when you stop yourself from analyzing each word choice you make, you open yourself up to more creative thinking - and more possibilities to enhance the plot.

2. expect that your second draft may not be much better. writing is a process and it takes time - much of which is spent rewriting, revising, and editing.

3. expect that your final product will not be perfect. expect that it will instead be “good enough.” because you could spend endless hours making changes to it and still never be satisfied. there is absolutely nothing wrong with “good enough.”

4. expect that even if you set all of these expectations, you still may not be happy with the end result. and that’s okay. i try to set these expectations for myself, and i still am not thrilled with hot for teacher. i think i still have a lot of areas to improve, and there are also some pretty glaring mistakes i’ve made that i might have caught if i had spent more time revising. (specifically issues with wooseok’s suspension - 1. there’s no real point to it, since there’s no plot benefit to him being kept from r&b ensemble. it would have made more sense with my original plot ideas, but i changed some things around and now it doesn’t really matter. and 2. i wrote that he was specifically suspended from extracurricular activities, and r&b ensemble isn’t even an extracurricular! it’s a class that he’s getting credit for!! lol that was just a huge thing that i missed, but now it’s part of the story and i just have to deal with it.)

5. expect that you may not get any response when you post. it’s impossible to control other peoples’ reactions to your writing and you’re only going to stress yourself out more by putting so much importance on something that is out of your control. trust me, i understand how encouraging it is to get a like, a reblog, or even an ask. ideally, if you don’t expect that response, you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get one (but that’s a really difficult expectation to have). to use myself as an example again - i didn’t expect any sort of response when i posted the first part of hft. i had just started up a new blog and had 0 followers (i think that probably helped lol) so i didn’t even think anyone would see it. but then i started getting asks about it, which was awesome! it was incredibly validating and encouraging. but now when i post updates, i expect those asks to come in. and if i don’t get any right away, i start to think it was a flop or people aren’t interested in my story anymore. i basically put all of my validation into receiving asks, which is super stressful. i haven’t totally figured out how to break free of that. just know that you’re not alone in wanting a positive outcome.

basically, the takeaway from those five points is that low/no expectations give you a higher chance of feeling satisfied. by expecting the least, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to 1. be satisfied with any outcome, and 2. be pleasantly surprised by a positive outcome. again, this is a really difficult thing to do, and i’m not sure that anyone is really capable of completely nixing their expectations lol but it’s something to think about at least. consider what expectations you’re setting for yourself specifically, and then try to think of a way that you can flip it into something more positive.

the next thing is comparisons. we’ve all heard time and time again that it is detrimental to compare yourself to others. it’s so easy to read other writers’ works and say to yourself, “my writing is not/will never be this beautiful/creative/intriguing/whatever adjective you prefer.” 

honestly, yeah, you’re right. your writing will never be like theirs. because your writing is unique to you, just as that writer’s work is unique to them. so instead of comparing your work to someone else’s, compare it to your own.

how does this story compare to one you wrote a year ago? how does this draft compare to an earlier draft? are you seeing improvements? if not, where could you focus on growth? take time to analyze your own writing, because the most important thing is that you’re always growing as an artist. 

and of course, it’s totally fine (encouraged, even!) to take inspiration from writers that you love! whenever i feel stuck, i re-read some of my favorite fics to see how other writers handle similar situations. but no matter what inspiration you take, remember to make it into something that is your own.

now when it comes to building confidence in your writing, approach writing like you would a performance (easy analogy for me to make since i’m a musician). you wouldn’t jump on stage unprepared - you would take time to practice your song/dance/performance. the more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be, and the more confident you’ll feel going into the performance.

so think of each step of your writing process as practice. the more time you spend working on your work, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be with it, and the easier it’ll be for you to share. 

but again, know when enough is enough. don’t spend the next two years working on a 5k fic. be comfortable with your “good enough” stopping point and move on to the next big thing!

lacking confidence in your writing is a really difficult thing to overcome. and i’m not even sure that it can totally be conquered. i’m always nervous to post new parts of hft, and i constantly question if i’m making the right choices regarding character decisions, word usage, and plot points.

i want to leave you with one last thing. i forget who wrote it, but i think i read somewhere about the idea that there is no such thing as bad writing - only unfinished writing. so don’t get stuck thinking that your writing is simply bad. it’s just a work in progress! the key is to recognize when something isn’t as good as it could be, and look at it as an opportunity for improvement instead of a failure. 

you’re approaching your work with a critical eye, and that means you’re already headed in the right direction! you’re willing to acknowledge that your writing may be lacking in some areas. now you just need to have a little faith in your abilities. 

if it counts for anything, i believe in you.

i know this is literally an essay and i apologize for such a lengthy response, but i really hope that this can be at least a little helpful. remember that i’m always here to give you a boost and/or advice when you need it. as a fellow writer, i want to encourage you to keep trying even when things get hard, and to recognize the strengths that you already have. 💕

[wastelandcatartist]

Shitty things my mom does (feel free to add your own)

Me: Hey, mom, its my day off and I want to relax

Mom: Relax?????! You are so lazy!! All you do is sit on your phone!!!! You cant live through those yputubers go have a life!! Get out of the house once in a while!!! At your age I was woth your dad

Me: *rolls eyes bc ive heard it before* Okayyyyyyy sorry I asked to relax for once.

Mom: For once????! You give so much attitude!!! You are so.ungrateful!!!! You poor baby you dont know the stress i deal with with our money problems, ypu need to get a full time job or get a.second job!!!

Me: *nearly in tears, but handling it* Alright fine I wont relax. Geez. I just asked a question and you went.off on me

Mom: *proceeds to scream at me and get my dad to yell at me even though I am just sitting there taking it*

~~~~~~

Mom: *complains about millenials* *later says something i find offensive*

Me: Wow. That was rude.

Mom: Oh you poor millennial you want everything handed to you dont you? You want everyone to be happy froofroo nicey nice to each other dont you?

Me: Better than you generation.with their bullying and homophobic/racist stuff.

Mom: Oh that w a just being silly!!! And it.toughened us up!!! The world is cruel!!!

*later*

Mom: Why are you SO scared of.living on your own??? Dont be such a baby!! The world isnt so bad!!!

Me: *internally screaming*

~~~~~~

Me: *genuiniely forgets something*

Mom: Thats a poor excuse. You.didnt forget you just didnt want to do it. It wasnt something for YOU so you dont care you are so fucking selfish!!

~~~~

Mom: I was doing so.much more at your age. You are not an adult. You are a child. Age is nothing, it doesnt.make you an adult.

Me: *pissed off* Then how are you an adult?

Mom: you are so hateful! I go to sleep crying every night because.of the way you treat me.

~~~~~~~

Mom: If i do something that bithers you, tell.me and we can work ir out.

Me: (*thinking* wow! Things are finally turning around!!) Okay well *thing that genuiniely upsets me*

Mom: That bugs you???? Lol, you need to get over yourself.

Me: 🙃🤐

~~~~~~~

Mom: *once tore up any nsfw art I had at 15. Restricted anything or:13 or more and even cursing in comics* Why dint you like when im in your room? Are you hiding anything? What are you hiding? Drugs??

Me: ??!?!?!? You tore up.art you.didnt like because it was dirty even though I was a horny teenager and that was my way of working out those feelings????

Mom: I never did that. You are.lying. you.have always lied no one will ever believe you.

~~~~~

Mom: If you keep pissing me off I'm gonna punch you.

Me: Do it and I will call the cops on you.

Mom: you arent a minor anymore i can do it.

Me: ???its still assult??? Lmao

Mom: Do it. Your dad will defend me. He works for the jail. I will tell the cop that you are lying. You have lied so much to.me and your dad they will beleive me and not.you because.you are a.dumb kid.

~~~~~~~

Me: Hey. I'm 20. Can you treat me.more.like an.adult?

Mom: Sure. Pay this.much retn, this much bills, this much everything. You have to have it next week.or.else you will be evicted from MY house.

Me: You.know i dont make that.much a paycheck???? And this isnt what I was talking about???? You know this?????

Mom: I am.the parent you are the child. Get over it. No matter what i will be the adult and you will be the kid.

~~~~~~~~

Me: *shows my.mom something nsfw i did bc I was proud of.it, gave fair warning of what it wpuld be*

Mom; This.isnt talent. This is garbage. Why are you wasting.your talent

~~~~~~~~

Me: *draws fanart*

Mom: I wish you would make.ypur own works. Not cpoy someone else's creation. You habe potential. Use it. Go to.college.

Me: I cant.afford.college. I dont.make.enough to save.

Mom: Stop buying bullshit (art supplies to help.me). I know how. to save. I have taught you. I must be a failure.

~~~~~~~~

Me: *age 16* Mom I think I have bipolar disorder.

Mom: If you.really think thst call a therapist and set it up yourself. I habe watched you and.you.dint look like.you do, you are always smiling.

~~~~~~~

Me: *accidentally says 'we' when talking about the lgtb++ community, even though i have come out at pan repeatedly*

Mom: We???? Lol you arent GAY I have seen the way you check guys out.

Me: No but im.not straight. Im.pansexual. I habe told.you this.

Mom: Whatever.

~~~~~

Mom: *watvhing some transphobic piece of shit* Well, they do have a point that once you are a boy you are always a boy

Me: Abd thats what horomone replacement is.for???

Mom: Thats dangerous i don't get it. There are only two genders.

Dad: Even after surgery you are still a guy. Even if.you.look like a girl and act like a girl.

Me: ????thats awful and transphobic?????

Them: no way!! We love everyone!!!!

Mom: the inly ones that bither me are the nonbinaries. I will call THEM 'it'. I dimt get how they can be nothing. Women that are nonbinary just hate women. I refuse to call them they.

Me: *explains it.in a way she can understand*

Them: Dont.understand. wasnt in my generation. Doesnt make.sense. there are only.two genders.

Me: *red flags for homophobes and transphobes*

~~~~~~~~

Mom: i cant wait until you finally get a boy friend. *stops* or girlfriend or ITfriend. I want to see you happy.

Me: ?????????? How do i meet people

Mom: put.make up on and make.yourself.look nice and.not.like a scrounge once in a while. *also tries to set me.up woth COMPLETE STRANGERS I DONT FIND ATTRACTIVE*

~~~~~~~~~

Mom: *got.pissed when i was 12 and chatted online, telling me everyone I talked to was pedophiles*

*now*

Me: *chatting with online friends*

Mom: What are you doing?

Me: Checking notifications.

Mom: I bet you are talking to.your booooyyyyfriends oooooooooooooooo

Me: Nope.

Mom: Uh huh

Me: no.

Mom: Whatever. You are chatting eith strangers. You are an adult.if you.dint want.to.listen oh well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mom: You dont love the pets like.I do. You forget to feed an water them. Thats how.your dog died. (She died of old age :/)

(Also note i feed and wster them when i remeber AND do the cat litter AND play with them. She cuddles them and.pets them)

~~~~~~~~~~

Me: I think i habe depression.

Mom: No you dont. I do. Look at my self harm scars I habe always wanted to kill.myself. you smile how arr you.depressed??

~~~~~~~~~

Mom: *uses stuff from when I couldnt do things in my own against me, like changing my diapers*

Me: Hey this makes me feel bad about being alive and makes me wish I was mever born

Mom: Oh I'm joking. Get over it you sensitive snowflake.

(Feel feee yo add your own! My dad is a gaslighter and mental abuser, starting to realise my mom isnt a poor abuse victim. Theres a reason she loves my dad. Too much alike. Anyways I wanna hear your own!!!)