#I would’ve loved to see the ugly plushies

[finwee-v]

I tried to find more bc I thought “wow what would the others look like?”

It’s just them who got plushies. Like I don’t mind that they’re not making more ugly plushies of them, but I just wanna see them yk.

They been popping up in my feed lately,,,,

[boffeeceans]

You Remembered

A present from me to yall for my birthday, and apparently Billy's too even though his is in March

Ao3

Billy's birthday is coming up. He has already said that he doesn’t want a party or do anything, but still, Eddie wants to get him something. Problem is, Eddie doesn't know what. He wracks his brain on what Billy could possibly want, the guy is not an easy person to get a present for, his hobbies mostly consist of sports, working on his car, and working out. Of course, you could maybe consider Eddie to be one of his hobbies as well, but that’s a given, besides, he gets that practically everyday anyway. Eddie needs something else.

It's not until Eddie's browsing the fantasy section at the library and spots an out of place book on sea life that he gets an idea. He quickly slides the book under the other ones he had already picked out before making a b-line for the crafts section.

About an hour or so later, Eddie’s sitting on his bed, a copious amount of black and white yarn, a crochet needle, and two books splayed out in front of him. Eddie fears he might be in over his head, he doesn’t know how to crochet, has never even tried it. But he’s not a quitter, he already decided he was going to do this, so he’s doing this.

Reluctantly, Eddie picks up the needle and yarn, he looks over the instructions and the picture of an orca for the millionth time before getting to work. Unfortunately for him, Eddie couldn’t find any patterns for an orca, the closest he could find was some kind of fish so he’s mostly winging it and hoping it will turn out okay.

Deciding to crochet is probably the worst decision Eddie has ever made, if he had decided to just get some fabric and sewed the damn thing he would’ve been done already. In the past week, Eddie had to restart four times. It doesn’t help that Billy is constantly asking for attention, which usually isn’t a problem, Eddie loves giving Billy attention, but his birthday just keeps coming closer and closer and Eddie is nowhere near finished.

Billy is also nosy, so when Eddie tells him to wait outside while he hides his work in progress, Billy has questions. Like: “What were you doing?” “What were you working on?” “Why can’t I see it?” “Who’s it for?”

Eddie does his best to either give Billy vague answers or just completely avoid them.

“Just forget about it,” Eddie tells him, hooking his fingers through the belt loops on Billy’s jeans. He leans in close and tugs on Billy’s earring with his teeth. “It’s not important.”

Distractions work wonders.

The day before Billy’s birthday, Eddie looks over the finished plushie and it’s… well it’s something. It doesn’t quite look like an orca, it’s lumpy, and it’s ugly as hell, that’s for sure. Eddie would start over again, but there is no way he can make another one in just one day. He also doesn’t have anything else to give Billy so the deformed orca will have to do. He wraps it up in an old newspaper and places it in his closet.

The next morning Eddie stands in his little kitchen and makes Billy a pancake extravaganza — bacon mouth, egg eyes, drenched in syrup and whip cream, the whole shabang with a candle on top. Eddie takes the breakfast to his bedroom where Billy is still sleeping soundly. After lowering himself on the edge of the bed, Eddie balances the plate on one hand and with the other he tucks a strand of hair behind Billy’s ear. “Happy birthday,” Eddie says softly at the sight of Billy opening his eyes.

Billy grumbles but smiles nonetheless, and when Eddie shows him his breakfast his whole face lights up. It’s totally worth the kitchen looking like someone set off a bomb.

Eddie knows Billy hates Indiana, knows that he desperately wants to go back to California, but God, Eddie is so glad he moved here. If he didn’t Eddie would’ve never been able to call this amazing and beautiful person his boyfriend. Would’ve never been denied any of the pancakes. That’s fine though, he might actually throw up if he has one more bite after eating all the pancakes that he didn’t deem good enough. Which were a lot.

When Billy is about halfway through his breakfast, Eddie gets off the bed and heads for his closet.

“What are you doing?” Billy asks from the bed.

Eddie takes the wrapped plushie from its place and turns around. “So you know how I was making something? Said it was no big deal?”

Billy’s eyes dart from the present in Eddie’s hands to his eyes. “I told you-”

“I know,” Eddie quickly cuts him off and takes the spot between Billy’s legs. “I know you said not to get you anything, but I did. Besides, it's not that good anyway, just open it,” Eddie says, taking the plate to place on the nightstand and shoving the present in Billy’s hands.

He bites at his thumbnail as he impatiently waits for Billy to unwrap the present. Once the plush orca is freed from its confinement Billy looks at it, blinking. He runs his fingers over the crocheted yarn and gives it a squeeze, but he doesn’t say anything.

It’s not doing anything good to Eddie’s nerves.

“Like I said, it’s not that good. I really messed up on the tail, it’s too round and kind of looks like a heart but like a messed up heart… You don’t have to keep it, y’know, I don’t mind if-”

“You remembered.”

Eddie stops his rambling, goes over Billy’s words in his head a few times, not sure if he heard right. But, no, he did. “Of course I remembered.”

Taking his eyes off the plush, Billy looks back at Eddie with watery eyes and a soft smile. Eddie scoots closer at the sight. Before Eddie can say anything Billy closes the distance between them, pressing their lips together, soft and sweet. “I love it,” Billy says once pulling back.

“But it’s so ugly.”

Billy hums. “It is, but I still love it.”

Billy never does end up finishing his breakfast.

[callmeminxx]

Hello hello hope you're having a wonderful day hon! Remember to take breaks, eat, and stay hydrated!!

Can I request Norton, Naib, Eli and Aesop (seperate) walking in on s/o who tries on their clothes because they thought they were gone in a match?

(Can be like a costume like s/o wears Nortons Mr. Mole outfit or just simple as wearing his green button up and hat, or for Naib they wear his hoodie or something) sorry hope that's okay!! Thank you!♡♡

ajkshd im blushing thank you for reminding meee- And yeah, i got this :D:D. 

Norton, Naib, Eli, and Aesop walking in on Fem. s/o who tries on their costumes!

Norton;;

✮ While Norton was busy at a long ranked match, you had gotten bored and decided to try on one of his costumes. The Mr. Mole costume, to be exact.

✮ You put on the button-up, the jacket, and the hat quickly. It fit okay, just a bit big. The necktie, the one with the button that looked like a gold coin, took a bit to put on.

✮ You held the small mole plushie in your arms, giving it a squeeze. You were so busy admiring it and yourself, you didn’t notice the door open and close.

✮ You 100% noticed when someone came up from behind you, took the hat from off your head, and wrapped their arms around your stomach.

✮ You spun around to hit whoever it was, but a calm voice softly complimented how good you looked in their clothes. It was just Norton, back from the match early.

✮ You would’ve probably yelled at him, but sighed and softly patted his cheek instead.

✮ He smiled, slightly teasing you by asking if you would’ve tried on more of his clothes if he hadn’t gotten back early.  He also may or may not have teased you by asking if he could try on some of your costumes-

Naib;;

✮ While Naib was busy was a 2v8 match, you had stumbled upon his Spring Hand costume.

✮ He honestly wouldn’t care, but hey, who knew.

✮ You got on the hat, the button-up, the goggles, and tried to get the vest on over your chest. It was tight, sure, but it looked pretty good!

✮ You spun in front of the mirror, taking your look in, when suddenly- Someone grabbed one of your hands and wrapped an arm around your back, dipping you like people do in dancing. 

✮ Naib grinned, seeing your shocked look in one of his outfits.

✮ You playfully bapped him over the head but smiled back. He helped you back up and adjusted the hat.

✮ He thought it looked really good on you, and helped you try on the actual spring hands.

Eli;;

✮ Eli had been spamming matches today, and you got super bored. So, you decided to sneak into his room and try on some of his spare normal outfits.

✮ You were able to put on all of his “normal” outfit. The cloak, the hood, the side-pouch, and the gloves. It was super comfy.

✮ You heard the room door open, and the fluttering of wings. You spun around to see Brooke Rose, Eli’s owl, rushing over and landing on your shoulder with a loving hoot.

✮ Eli walked in a few moments later, seeing you. He froze and quickly covered his eyes.

✮ You panicked and thought he thought it looked ugly, tears starting to fill your eyes. 

✮ Eli moved his arm, his face a bright red. He went over and softly kissed you, holding you in a tight hug. He thought you looked amazing.

Aesop;;

✮ For a while, you had wanted to try on Aesop’s Exorcist costume, but never had the confidence or chance to ask.

✮ While he was at a match, you snuck into his room and quickly took the costume, beginning to change into it. You only got on the jacket, gloves and mask on without trouble, and everything else seemed...chaotic.

✮ You looked SO cool!! Running a hand over your side, you realized how precise each sew and thread was.

✮ About as precise as how fast you jumped when you heard the door creak open.

✮ Aesop stood there, holding his briefcase close, quite shocked.

✮ You greeted him and did a spin, showing him the outfit. He smiled under his mask and went over, looking at how it fit on you.

✮ He thought you looked VERY pretty, and nervously asked if you wanted to try any others on.

☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆ ⌒ ★ ⌒ ☆ THAT TOOK SO LONG FOR SOME REASON- Have any suggestions? Just LMK and I’ll try my best!

[jungshookz]

ok anyway build-a-bear employee!jin who meets y/n bc she comes in to make a new friend after a breakup and he teases her for being an adult by herself in the store and after she starts tEARING UP he’s like okok no!!!! and helps her make the cutest lil guy and records a cute message to put inside

➺ pairing; kim seokjin x reader

➺ genre; employee!jin, i brought you to build-a-bear so obviously this is going to be very floofy (sfw!!) 

➺ wordcount: 4k

➺ what to expect; “…turning twenty-two soon and you’re buying yourself a teddy bear?”

➺ note; when i told u guys that jin always gets the cutest drabble requests i wasn’t LYING!!! i have my own bear from build-a-bear named blu (he’s dark blue with white stars!! at the age of eight i was not very good at coming up with creative names) so obviously i had to write something for him and his homies

                                         »»————-　🧸————-««

jin has a love-hate relationship with his job

you would think that working at build-a-bear would be pretty fun - and it can be, sometimes! - but jin can confirm right here right now that it’s not aLL that great

on one hand, he loves the dramatics of build-a-bear because he’s given the chance to act like the whole store is whimsical and that the tiny little heart that he stuffs inside of the bear is full of magic and hope and happiness (he majored in acting in university so his degree is surprisingly very useful here)

but on the other hand… he works at build-a-bear.

this isn’t where he thought he’d be!!! not at all!!! 

he’s basically almost thirty and he works at a frickin build-a-bear

this wasn’t part of his plan!!!

his plan was to graduate from university, get famous from acting in a small commercial because of his devilishly handsome face, and then immediately get signed onto some fancy hollywood acting deal and become internationally known

but, no!

he graduated from university, didn’t get any roles in any small commercials, and had to find a way to make money so had no choice but to find work at his local mall

and to make things worse, his boss is literally five years younger than him

he has this bratty little twenty-two year old constantly up his ass and he haTES it

“you forgot the whipped cream on my frappuccino.” jungkook looks up at jin from where he’s sitting behind the counter before raising his drink, “am i blind or are you just bad at listening to instructions? where is the whipped cream, seokjin? WHERE?”

jin clenches his jaw before leaning forward, “they were busy, i guess they just forgot. and i’m not your slave. i only got you that drink so you’d give me a day off tomorrow.”

“well, since there’s no whipped cream on it, you don’t get a day off.” jungkook kisses his teeth before shrugging

“wha-“ jin resists the urge to reach down and wrap his hands around jungkook’s neck, “are you kidding me right now?? i spent forty-five minutes out of my fifty minute lunch break lining up at starbucks to get that for you! forty-five minutes!!!”

“i don’t know what to tell you,” jungkook hums as he kicks his legs up onto the counter and leans back against his chair, “now get back to work. and remember to smile! after all, build-a-bear is where best friends are made-“

“the new slogan is ‘the most fun you’ll ever make’.” jin raises a brow, “you don’t even know our slogan! how did you become the manager?”

jungkook takes a slow sip of his drink while maintaining direct eye contact with jin

sChLuuUuRrRRRr

jesus christ

his life sucks

jin rolls his eyes before turning on his heel and heading back to the main area of the shop

today’s saturday, so the store is a little busier than it usually is - which is great, because jin works off commission and he thinks he’s pretty good at selling teddy bears

on his best day he managed to sell thirty-eight bears in one day

he also convinced most of the kids that their brand new furry friends needed new clothes and a personalised recorded message in place of the usual little red cloth heart

he doesn’t like looking at the parents whenever he’s egging their kids on to buy even more things because they always look at him like they’re going to kill him

anyways

he could’ve ordered like forty frappuccino’s from the money he made on that day

before he left for lunch today he sold eight which really isn’t that impressive

but, to be fair, the mall usually gets busy after lunch, so now is the prime time to make some sales

jin lets out a breath as he scans the store for any newcomers or anyone who’s noT already being bombarded by his co-workers

he can’t help but snicker to himself when he notices yoongi at the stuffing station conducting a heart ceremony

“-and now you can go ahead and give your heart a little kiss-“

he looks up for a split second and jin takes the chance to blows a sweet little kiss at him

he snorts to himself when yoongi’s eye twitches

yoongi hates giving heart ceremonies but he’s actually pretty good at it!

he’s good with children whether he wants to admit it or not

alright, enough making fun of yoongi >:-)

time to hunt down a new customer…

jin sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he walks around the store slowly

ooh, a little boy and his family just walked i- aaand they’ve been swept up by jimin

okay, no problem!

how about those twin gir- nope, too late, taehyung’s approaching them

damn

that would’ve been a good sale, too

it’s fine

he’ll get someone!

oh, wow

build-a-bear has really upped their game since the last time you were here

to be fair, the last time you were here was like more than ten years ago, so you’d hope that they make some changes to the store

…are those star wars themed teddy bears??

that is most definitely a princess leia teddy bear

and she even gets her own little light sabre!

wow

this is a whole new world

“excuse me, sorry…” you manoeuvre your way through the crowd as you continue looking through your options

is it weird that you’re in here by yourself?

the thought of trailing behind a random child in order to blend in with everyone else crosses your mind for a split second

although… a grown woman creeping behind a child they don’t know probably isn’t going to sound good to the judge when you’re standing in court, so maybe you shouldn’t do that

okay

you know what

it’s fine

it’s totally fine that you’re in here by yourself!

stuffed plushies are for people of all ages!!

it’s not just a kiddie thing

you’re FINE

and you have a perfectly legitimate reason to be in here

the only reason why you’re even in here is because…

well, the short and sweet version is that you got dumped two weeks ago.

which means that you’ve been cooped up in your apartment for the last fourteen days

which means your bedroom was starting to smell a little ripe so you thought it’d be good to air out the place and give your poor bed a break  

(also, please, for the love of god, remember to wash your sheets when you get back home later today.)

anyways

you thought that a trip to the mall for some retail therapy would make you feel better!

so far you’ve only been the food court but you helped yourself to a cheeseburger, some onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake

food always makes you feel better

you could honestly go for another round of onion rings right now

there’s nothing quite like the pain of having your heart broken nudge you towards the direction of binge-eating the pain away, is there?

you were about to head into a victoria’s secret to splurge on pretty panties (that no one but yourself will be seeing for a long time) but this build-a-bear caught your eye

a cuddle buddy you could ugly-cry into for the simple price of $35?

obviOUSLY you had to come in

the only issue now is that there are way too many options to choose from

who do you want to take home??

pawlette the bunny?

toothless from how to train your dragon?

you could even take pikachu home if you wanted to

“timeless teddy…” you mutter to yourself as you dig out a teddy bear skin (also, it’s very unsettling that they’re called ‘skins’. like, you know that’s what they technically are, but the phrase ‘i’ve picked out my skin!’ just makes your skin crawl.)

you lean forward a little to read the label on the wall

teddy bears are a timeless way to share love with every hug! timeless teddy is a classic teddy bear with shaggy brown fur and an adorable smile. personalize this classic teddy bear with outfits, sounds and accessories for a huggable gift they'll cherish forever!

hm

perfect!

a classic teddy bear sounds perfect

there’s nothing wrong with going back to basics

also, you’re assuming the ‘they’ll’ they’re referring to here is a child

…

nO

you are doing this

you will buy this teddy bear!

your other option was to go and adopt a cat from the shelter but you can barely take care of yourself right now so that wouldn’t be a good idea

“hello!” you jump three feet into the air when you’re suddenly being greeted by one of the bright-eyed workers, “can i help you find anything?”

you turn around quickly while clutching your teddy’s skin (gag) to your chest with wide eyes, “h-hello!”

oh

hello indeed

you feel your heart drop a little when you realise that you probably look disgusting right now

you weren’t expecting to bump into a veRY attractive super handsome boy today!!!

very attractive super handsome boy with sweet brown eyes and soft-looking hair and the poutiest lips you think you’ve ever seen in your entire life-

thank god you decided to wear the sweatshirt that doesn’t have any stains on it, right?

the one thing you remember from your previous build a bear experience (once again, 10+ years ago) is that the workers here are usually overly perky sixteen year old girls

this guy is not an overly perky sixteen year old girl

well

maybe he’s the perky part

but everything else??

wowie

he smiles brightly at you before tilting his head, “hello. i’m jin!” he points at his name tag, “i’d love to help you out today. were you looking for anything in particular?”

“hi! hello, jin. i’m, um, i’m y/n. i was, uh-“ you clear your throat, “i was actually just browsing, so…”

“oh, perfect!” jin claps his hands together, “let me tell you all about our collections. there’s the summer fun collection, the rainbow friends, the promise pets, the heartables, the classic build-a-bear collection-“

yeah okay

he’s definitely nailed the perky part of the job

“-DC comics, dr. suess, marvel, my little pony, how to train your drag-“

“you know, i-“ you smile sheepishly after interrupting jin, “thank you so much, but i’ve actually already made my decision, if that’s alright.” you hold your teddy’s limp, hollow carcass up before pressing your lips together

“of course that’s alright!” jin takes the skin from you before shrugging lightly, “i figured i’d just let you know of all the other options in case your younger sibling wanted something more extravagant than just our timeless teddy. follow me to the sound station!”

you don’t get a chance to say anything before jin spins around swiftly to head to the back of the store

he thinks this bear is for your younger sibling

okay, you can work with that!

you can pretend like you’re in here for your non-existent younger sibling and certainly not for yourself

“you can choose a pre-made sound from here,” jin gestures to the bins of plastic hearts (there’s a sound option for an ‘into the unknown’ snippet from frozen 2 which is insane), “or we can go ahead and record a personalised message. what’s your sibling’s name?”

you look up at him immediately

“wha- um, why… why do you need to know my sibling’s name?”

“oh! i was just asking so i could give you an example.” jin hums as he tosses the skin over his shoulder and places his hands on his hips, “like, you could say, hey there… sibling’s name, it’s me, your big sister! i love you! or something like that.”

“ah, right!” you nod to yourself, “that makes sense! my sibling’s name is totally normal information that i have no problem giving to you.”

jin raises a brow when he notices you continuing to ramble about how your sibling’s name is something that you will be telling him soon because you definitely know the name of your younger sibling whomst’ve this bear is for

hm

you’re cute but you’re a little odd

“-my younger sibling’s name is… paulette!” you catch a glimpse of a pink pawlette bunny being stuffed before looking back over at jin, “yep. that’s her name. sweet, sweet paulette. sweet little angel.”

“hey, our iconic bunny is named pawlette!” jin beams, “wouldn’t you want to get paulette her own pawlette? instead of a bear?”

the smile immediately drops from your face

oh god

you’ve never been very good at lying

one time in middle school when you wanted to get out of PE you told the teacher that you were in pain and that’s why you couldn’t do anything on that day

and when he asked you what hurt, all you said was ‘…bleeding out of my butt?’

you don’t even know why you said that!!

you could’ve told him you had a headache or something but nO

you told your teacher your asshole was BLEEDING and that’s why you couldn’t participate in baseball

so yeah

lying has never been your forte

but you don’t want pawlette!!

you want this bear!!!

although, it would make sense to get paulette her own pawlette because that’d be an adorable coincidence…

what are you-

what are you even sAYING

PAULETTE DOES NOT EXIST

“okay, you got me!” you raise your hands in defence and jin’s eyes widen in surprise, “paulette isn’t a real person. i don’t have a younger sibling. i’m in here for me. the bear is for me. the timeless teddy is mine.”

“oh…!” jin purses his lips before nodding slowly, “alright! totally get it. the bear is for you.”

why has everyone he’s ever been attracted to turned out to be a little cuckoo?

the expected demographic of build-a-bear are children aged 3-10 (a child aged below three isn’t interested in stuffed teddies because they don’t really do anything but sit there and a child aged over ten isn’t interested in stuffed teddies because… they don’t really do anything but sit there.)

and you… well, unless you’ve experienced some kind of insane growth spurt, you certainly don’t look like someone aged 3-10 years old

“phew! it feels good getting that off my chest.” you breathe out as you lean over and place your hands on your knees, “there was a lot of pressure there to keep lying to you but-“

“how, um, how old are you, by the way?”

jin doesn’t mean to sound like a judgy bitch

he’s just genuinely curious as to why a 21-23 year old would willingly go into a physical build-a-bear store to buy themselves a stuffed plushie

you could’ve purchased one off the online website

also, aren’t there better things to spend your money on?

like… literally anything besides a stuffed plushie??

“turning twenty-two soon!” you get back up onto your feet, “why do you ask?”

“…turning twenty-two soon and you’re buying yourself a teddy bear?” jin snorts before raising a brow, “i mean, really? didn’t you graduate this year?”

“ah, well…” you reach up to scratch the back of your neck as you feel the tips of your ears beginning to heat up, “i mean, yeah, but like…”

“i’m not judging! some people go on grad trips to party and get wasted after they graduate, and other people go to the mall to build themselves a $35 teddy bear-“ jin laughs to himself before turning around to plop the skin down on little counter attached to the stuffing machine, “anyways, were you thinking about choosing a sound or recording something?”

he spins back around and his eyes widen when he notices that your eyes have gotten red and are starting to water

oh

uh oh

what’s going on?

what’s happening??

are you…

are you crying??

why are you crying??

he was totally kidding!!!

that wasn’t supposed to be mean!!

that was supposed to be playful banter!!!

“oh- oh, god no- wait-“ jin immediately walks over so that he’s standing in front of you and jungkook won’T be able to see that he just upset a customer, “don’t cry!! i was kidding!! i have, like, ten plushies on my bed! i’m twenty-seven and i work at a build-a-bear, if anything, i should be the one crying-”

“i just-“ you reach up to wipe at your eyes as you begin to blubber, “my boyfriend of one year b-broke up with me two weeks ago and i- i just th-thought that a teddy bear would make good company because god knows i’m not in the right mental state to be taking care of a real animal-!”

jin winces when you let out a particularly loud sob and he quickly drags you over so that the two of you are behind the stuffing machine and out of sighT from everyone

crap

he doesn’t even have any tissues on him!!!!

maybe he can pull some fluff out from the machine and you can dab at your tears with that

actually, the cotton might stick to your cheeks if you try wiping your tears away with a fistful of stuffing, so maybe not

“i-i know it’s stupid and humiliating for a grown-up to be in here buying a stupid teddy bear for herself but there’s so much in my life that’s just out of my control right now a-and making this teddy bear seemed like the only thing i could control and i just-“

“y-yes, of course!” jin pulls you into a tight hug (your sobbing is getting a little loud and people are starting to notice so this is the only way he can think to muffle your crying) and strokes the back of your head comfortingly, “i’m so sorry, i had no idea! that makes total sense, of course you can get this teddy bear for yourself…”

he continues to hold you until your sobs reduce to little hiccups and gives a warning look when yoongi mouths whether or not they should call mall security on your ass

when you pull away your eyes are a little puffy and the tip of your nose is red

if jungkook asks, maybe jin can get away with saying that your allergies acted up in the middle of the store

you don’t look like that because he made you burst into tears

not at all!!

“how about we… record a special message for your new friend?” jin digs through the tub to pull out an electronic heart

“i-“ you hiccup, “i don’t really h-have anything i want to say…”

jin purses his lips in thought

hm

stuffing the bear with a heartbeat heart seems way too basic

this is an important bear!

ah!

“why don’t you let me take care of it, okay?” he reaches over and rubs your shoulder gently, “you wait here and i’ll take care of everything. for his stuffing, would you like a soft cuddle bear or a plump one?”

your bottom lip starts to quiver again and you let out a light laugh, “a soft cuddle bear sounds really sweet.”

“then a soft cuddle bear it is.”

“and this is for you.” jin hands you the box over the counter and you take it from him with a grin, “thank you for your purchase! and… sorry about making you cry-“

“oh, god no-“ you snort, “i’m sorry for bursting into tears and loading all of that on you-“

“it’s totally fine!” jin shakes his head, “you’re definitely not the first person to start crying in a build-a-bear, so there’s absolutely nothing to feel bad about.”

“right! right, of course.” you nod and press your lips together, “anyways, thanks for helping me out today, jin.”

“of course! it was a pleasure.” jin clears his throat

it’s pretty clear that the two of you want to continue talking to each other, but…

jin doesn’t usually practice his flirting skills when he’s at build-a-bear, so pardon him for being a little rusty

“so… see you around!” you chirp, “i’m just gonna-“

“wait, uh-“ jin wipes his hands down on the back of his pants, “i… i don’t know if maybe this is a little too soon for you or… and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but… maybe i can treat you to an apology corndog or something sometime? i don’t know. this mall doesn’t really offer fine dining, so a corndog is really all i can-“

“yeah, i would love that!” you nod enthusiastically, “an apology corndog with you sounds great. i mean, a regular corndog would be fine too, but- d-do you… want my number?”

also

this isn’t you rebounding or anything

this is the first time in two weeks where your mind hasn’t been clouded with thoughts of your ex-boyfriend

this is the first time in two weeks that you’re actually happy

jin seems genuinely sweet and you wouldn’t mind getting to know him :-))

also you’re glad that hE was the one who asked

because if you were the one who asked, it’d probably make you look that much more pathetic

and you’ve already made a fool of yourself once today!!  

you sigh happily as you slam the car door shut

you’re about to shove the key into the ignition when suddenly you remember that your bear has a personalised message inside of him

“oh, right!” you reach over to open up the cardboard house that he’s been shoVed into

!!!

you wonder what soundbyte jin picked out for you!!!

you pull him out and smile fondly at the sight of his chubby arms dangling over your hands

cute :-))

this was money well spent for sure

okay, now how do you activate the sound…

there’s a bit of squeezing and poking but you manage to find the little heart inside of him

you perk up when you hear a muffled crackle

“hi, y/n! it’s me, your furry friend… uh… jin bear! if you’re listening to this, it probably means you’re super sad… cry into my stomach to muffle the sound of your violent sobs! …oh, god, probably shouldn’t have said that- anyways, um, i hope you feel better soon! and remember to give me plenty of cuddles - i promise it’ll make you feel better!”

hA

that was actually a pretty good message

(you hope jin texts u soon)

“okay, jin bear.” you murmur quietly as you buckle him into the passenger seat, “time to take you home.”

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[sally-mun]

OKAY BITCHES ON TO PART 2!

Also don’t forget to check out Part 1 if you haven’t yet!

British

Okay so maybe it’s in poor taste to start the British section with dolls I’m not actually sure are British, but fuck it. The one on the left is a doll I’m reasonably sure I got from a British seller, and the one on the right seems to just be a scaled-up version of it, SO. That’s what I’m going with.

No joke, the left doll is my favorite Sonic plushie EVER. It’s so incredibly fluffy and the proportions are just right and it’s really well-made and AUUGHH I LOVE HIM. Interestingly the doll on the right is made of the same uber-fuzzy material, but it doesn’t have as much of a fluffy effect because of the larger scale. Also the shoe stripes are ribbons for some reason, which makes them stand out from all the other dolls.

So this is from a line of dolls that, as far as I’ve ever seen, are simply known as “Europe prize” plushies. I don’t know if they were actual prizes for some sort of game or claw machine or whatnot, but that’s how I tend to see them listed. These dolls are REALLY nicely made and incredibly cute, like way more than usual. I also have the Knuckles from this set, but he doesn’t live in this net so he’s not pictured here.

I know this line also included Sonic (obviously), Amy, and Shadow, but I’m not sure who else. I’d REALLY like to get the others someday, but I don’t have much hope for that, since they’re long since out of production and prices just keep going up as everyone cashes in on nerd collector culture.

This doll is fine enough on its own (if a bit fearful in the eyes), but what’s really odd about it is that it’s like literally twice as tall as the other dolls in its line, for some reason. I have the Sonic and Tails from this set, and their sizes both match each other, but for some reason Knuckles is a tall boi?? Oh well.

I believe this set also includes an Eggman doll, but I’ve never seen it before.

I wish I’d thought to showcase it better in this photo, but the tag on the bottom of Sonic’s right foot here is the real spotlight of this doll. I don’t know much about the background of this doll, but i know that tag on his foot is what distinguishes him from other Sonic dolls, and collectors go NUTS for this guy. I remember missing out on one years ago because the shipping was too costly (it’s always been rough importing from Britain, but it used to be a lot harder), and for a while I thought I’d never get one. Oddly this one that I did eventually nab is the only one I’ve ever seen with suction cups. I’d like to hope that one day I could get the one that doesn’t have them, but I’m not holding my breath.

Following the last doll, I’m sure a lot of you are immediately noticing that this Tails also has the tag on his foot, albeit a very faded one. This doll is also super odd, because EVERY other time I’ve ever seen this doll before, it has NOT had the foot tag! This one is the only one I’ve encountered with the tag, and I didn’t even know it had it until it arrived in the mail. This doll is also about 50% bigger than the Sonic doll with the foot tag, maybe he goes with the non-suction cup’d Sonic plushie? I don’t know off the top of my head how big that Sonic is supposed to be, so it’s possible! Or maybe these dolls have nothing to do with each other, and I bought some weird anomaly. Definitely one of the weirder Tails plushies in my collection.

Australian

EASILY the ugliest doll I will ever own, short of maybe obtaining the Tails that matches this set. (Trust me, the Tails is REALLY FUCKING UGLY.) I have such mixed feelings on this lil guy because, as many of you already know, this is one of the elusive Sega World Sydney dolls, which means it’s EXTREMELY rare and thus meant to be treasured... and yet holy shit guys how did you fail so hard on this doll. I mean FOR FUCK’S SAKE HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE SOCKS! OR FINGERS!! There were plenty of Sonic plushies in the world by the time this doll was created, and they all socks and fingers, let alone better designed faces. I dunno man, I don’t know how to reconcile how ugly this doll is.

And then there were two.

Those of you that’ve been following me for years have probably already seen these before, but fuck it, here they are again. The Sega World Sydney plushies are the ONLY official Sally plushies to exist, and like the Sonic one, it’s really difficult to reconcile how incredibly ugly they are. I mean I can at least cut them some slack with the faces I guess, because the one on the left isn’t terrible I suppose. I think the fact that she doesn’t have hands is really stupid, but I mean, if Sonic didn’t get fingers I guess I’m not surprised Sally didn’t either. No, the thing that really gets me about these Sally dolls is the hair. It’s hard to tell from this angle but it’s.... bad. Oh my god it’s so fucking bad. It looks like she had a bad incident with a weedwacker. WHO THE FUCK DID THEY HIRE TO DESIGN THESE PLUSHIES?!

Whatever, I don’t turn away official Sally merch. Vests exist for these dolls, but as you can see I don’t own them for either of these two. I do have a third, smaller Sally that DOES have her vest, but she doesn’t live in this net. Maybe another time!

More bad Sally hair, this time without legs because she’s a hand puppet. She probably has the worst hair of all of the Sally dolls I personally own, it’s very clumpy and matted. The others’ hair is at least still fluffy.

I’ll let the fact that she doesn’t have hands slide here, being a puppet at all, but even then it’s only because I’m feeling generous. There’s no reason she shouldn’t have had them.

SOOOO not technically a plushie, but it was in the net and I’m doing Sally items right now anyway, so fuck it. This is a mini-backpack, but the fabric is so furry that it’s pretty much impossible to get a clear picture. I left the strap there sticking out just to help give some idea of what shape you’re even looking at.

I can’t remember what I paid for this, and honestly I don’t care, because it’s so unique and I’ve never seen another one since.

Bootlegs

A friend of mine sent me this as a surprise a few years ago because he thought it was cute, and I definitely have to say it’s one of the more fascinating items in my collection. Most of the time bootleg merch is trying to imitate something official to confuse the buyer, but so far as I know this is completely original! I love it because it’s what I imagine Sonic would look like if he were an Animal Crossing character. The most bizarre detail of all, though, is that the tush tag has the logo for Detective Conan instead of Sonic the Hedgehog. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

This is a fake version of the Fang/Nack doll from Sonic the Fighters, but honestly, I don’t mind at all that it’s a bootleg because holy shit this doll is higher quality than some of my official ones! (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, SEGA WORLD.) According to the pictures I’ve seen, I think he’s actually even better quality than the original he’s copying!

It’s hard to describe just how nice this doll is, because the picture seriously does not do him justice. The stitching is perfectly clean, the proportions are absolutely perfect, the fabric is soft and high-quality, and oh my god the HAT!! The hat is AMAZING, it’s actually solid and holds its shape VERY well! The same goes for his tail too, on that note. Plushies with long tails tend to have trouble maintaining their shape, but this doll’s tail is really well done. He also has a much longer muzzle than most dolls of this time were willing to use, which again helps his proportion and overall accuracy. I don’t give one single shit that this doll isn’t official, I love him so fucking much! <3 <3 <3

Other Dolls

What can I say, I fucking LOVE Nick Wilde from Zootopia, and this is one of the best dolls of him I’ve ever seen. It’s actually really nicely made (they put a LOT of work into his shirt), and he’s very soft and huggable. Also, bless that smarmy expression, they got it just right.

Jumbo Tom Nook! This is the only jumbo plushie of him I’ve ever seen, so I’m glad I was able to nab it. The fabric is oddly shiny though, and I have no idea why?? I have several Tom Nook plushies from different doll lines, and I’ve never seen another one that’s shiny like this.

Decided to picture these guys together because why the fuck not. I apologize for the lack of clarity, but I’ve never been willing to open their bags. I want them pristine~

One thing I think is cool about the Undertale dolls is that there’s so much uniqueness put into each one. They all have differently shaped tags to reflect their individual personalities, and the plastic bags they come in have different patterns as well. The fabric patterns all completely unique to each one as well, so they’re not all clones of each other (especially with Papyrus).

You can actually still buy all of these guys right now on the Fangamer website! They’re pricey, but you get a quality that makes the price worth it, and you get a discount if you buy them together!

Vault Boy from Fallout, and for some reason I’m just now realizing that I don’t know what vault number is on his back. I feel like a terrible fan, FORGIVE ME. He has also never come out of his bag, so sorry for viewing difficulties here as well.

Companion cube ‘fuzzy dice’ for the car. This is one instance in which I have actually not used the car-related plushie in my car, as at the time I got this it was VERY difficult to get companion cube merch of any kind (these dice were actually a compromise with myself because I still couldn’t afford a regular cube), and after the work I put in to find these I definitely wasn’t going to risk them in my car! Just as well anyway, because they’re awfully big and would’ve been pretty cumbersome to look past.

...I did, however, put these in my car for a while. These are fuzzy D20 dice, because come on, if you’re going to hang dice in your car and have the option to use these, how can you not?? It definitely got a lot of compliments, even from people that simply saw them through the window. I didn’t even play tabletop games yet at the time, I just really liked them~

AAAAND THAT’S IT~ At least, that’s it for this net! Maybe I’ll do this again with the other nets sometime, if you guys would like to see more. I do have another one that also very much needs a dusting, so we’ll see!

Thanks for tuning in!!

[strawberrytheduck]

Belle Quacks-Chapter 15

Morgana stood frozen, an unknown look on her face. Belle looked down at the floor, trying to avoid crying. Negative thoughts swirled through her head, causing her to second guess everything. ‘Megavolt was wrong, I know it.’ She thought, along with many other things. Morgana could never love her, not with other women so much more beautiful than her. There were so many ugly things about her and she was so childish, Morgana was too good for someone like that. Why was she just standing there, not talking? Was she thinking of a good way to reject her? Was she just confused? “J-JUST- ... please, just- j-just say s-something...”Belle begged, fighting back a sob. The sorceress seemed taken aback by her sudden outburst, opening her beak to say something. But nothing came. She was utterly speechless. Belle hated it, looking up at Morgana before storming off outside. She wasn’t necessarily angry, just hurt despite not hearing anything. The smaller duck, consciously in her desire for solitude, zoned out from hearing Morgana call her name in effort to get her to stop. Picking up the pace, she ran to the bridge between Duckburg and St. Canard, the sun beginning to set as she got there.

Her jade eyes stared down at the water below the bridge, tears still falling like tiny diamonds from her eyes. Who was she kidding? Morgana was too good for her, out of her league. It felt like her heart had been ripped out and thrown on the ground. Painful. Looking at the water helped a little, especially due to how her tears just merged effortlessly into the dark, cool liquid beneath her. She began zoning out when she felt a large strong hand on her shoulder. “Go away.” She muttered. “Are ya’ sure you want me to?” Came a very familiar voice. It was Launchpad, Darkwing’s sidekick. She didn’t respond, just kept looking down. “Come on, tell ol’ LP what’s got you down.” He said, rubbing her back comfortingly. She told him what she said to Morgana, saying how she just stood there. He listened to her explain how it played out in her head, how it hurt her deeply. “She doesn’t love you? Huh, strange, that’s not what I thought. She would always talk about you.”

‘Sure she did.’ She thought bitterly. LP could almost tell she didn’t believe him, opting to just pull her in for a hug. It was a little strange to her, given she wasn’t really close with him, but everyone she knew talked about how he was amazing at reading emotions, how he only ever has good intentions. Belle hugged him as tight as possible, sobbing into his shoulder. The pilot stroked her hair, reassuring her constantly. She felt safe with him, strangely enough. Maybe because he had a similar air to Camellia, being nothing but caring towards her. It was nice to be held, especially right now. “I know that Morgana really likes you, she loves talking about you. She goes pink every time too.” She did? No, that doesn’t seem right. Morgana wasn’t easy to fluster she didn’t think, an intimidating but actually very sweet sorceress wouldn’t be like that. “Belle, there you are!” She looked up to see Morgana, her hair down and soaking wet. It took Belle a second to register it was raining, something she noticed when she saw Morgana. The taller of the two ladies took Belle from LP, hugging her and crying. “You had me so worried!” She did? Belle kept crying, tangling her smaller hands in Morgana’s. LP pat them both on the back, waving goodbye to them before leaving.

“I’m sorry I worried you, I just had to get away before hearing you say you don’t love me back.” Morgana’s breath audibly hitched for a second. She buried her face in Belle’s neck, sobbing. Belle was frozen, confused. This was new for Belle, no one really did this to her often. She wasn’t the shoulder people cried on. Morgana pulled away, looking Belle in the eyes. The smaller duck used her thumb to wipe away Morgana’s tears. The taller nudged her cheek into the smaller’s hand, smiling at the pale haired lady in her arms. Oh how Belle wanted to kiss Morgana, but she couldn’t, not now. “Your eyes are so beautiful Sweet, I could stare into them for the rest of eternity.” Belle blushed, smiling warmly. Morgana took the scarf from around her neck and put it around Belle, acting much as a shawl due to how wide it was.

Belle snuggled into Morgana, letting herself be carried back to Morgana’s house. Halfway there, Belle repeated something she admitted earlier. “I love you Morgana, so much.” The rain made it sound like she was mumbling, she kinda thought Morgana didn’t hear her. “I-I love you, too. S-Sorry I didn’t say earlier, I-I almost couldn’t believe it s-so it took me a minute.” Belle’s heart skipped a beat, her face turned bright pink. Despite the rain, she felt warm. She loves her? She loves her! Belle squealed, letting go of Morgana to flap her hands. She kicked her legs a little too. Morgana giggled, smiling at the smaller duck in her arms. Belle’s giggles were super cute, Morgana loved it, along with much more. Morgana set her down, letting Belle stand up and hug her arm, tail wagging ecstatically. Belle got her tiptoes, grabbing Morgana’s cheeks and gently pulling her down. Neither cared as the rain fell, soaking them through to their very core. Suddenly but softly, their beaks met in a kiss. Fireworks lit up behind Belle’s eyelids and her heart sounded louder in her ears. Morgana could feel the same, who would’ve thought she would be kissing the woman she loved in the rain.

Pulling away, Belle started crying again, overwhelmed with positive emotions. Morgana started crying too, giving Belle a second, chaste kiss on the beak. Both were incredibly happy, enjoying each other’s company. “Morgana?!” A recognisable voice said in disbelief. Under an umbrella was Darkwing himself. “There you are, your granny was... so worried... Am I interrupting something?” He gestured to the two. “Yes actually Dark, you interrupted my GIRLFRIEND and I.” She replied, emphasising girlfriend to confirm to Belle that this was in fact real. Darkwing apologized, offering to walk both girls home given he had an umbrella. They accepted, walking hand in hand. Belle hugged Morgana’s arm again, sighing softly and contently. The sorceress kissed her on the forehead, smiling fondly at her. A girlfriend, Belle had a girlfriend and it was the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen. She got a text from Camellia, checking up on her. Belle texted back that she was great and that she was now dating Morgana. Naturally, she was going to tell her best friend.

It started a little rocky, but it ended wonderfully. Morgana got scolded by her granny, but she wasn’t fazed. They both took showers and changed into their pyjamas, sitting on the couch to watch some stupid comedy. Morgana’s granny said she was glad they were okay, warning them though to not do that again. The smaller snuggled into Morgana’s side, hugging the plushie of her brother close to her chest. Morgana stroked her hair, saying “I love you” as she did. “I love you too, so much.” Megavolt was right, she loved her.

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

In an effort to be a good dad, Snatcher learns to make a really durable doll for Hat Kid to use since she was upset about not having a body. (I love all your writing by the way! ^-^)

Thank you for the request! It ended up being a bit angstier than I’d thought it’d be. Also, it’s in the same timeline as the Guilt and Therapy drabbles. Though, this one, like Guilt, ended up not really being a drabble. I got a bit carried away.

Haunted

Despite being both legally a father for just over a full year now and a ghost for three hundred something years, Snatcher had no idea how to console Hat Kid. He’d never seen her cry anywhere even close to this much before. But he couldn’t blame her for doing so; dying was a very traumatic upsetting experience.

The people from her home planet had finally found her. Snatcher had killed all of them, not even bothering to snatch their souls he was so angry. But he’d arrived just a tad too late. He’d still been in the middle of his rampage when her ghost had formed meaning he hadn’t even been there to protect her from the sight of her own body lying in a pool of blood on the ground.

So now all he could do was hold her while she cried into his mane. It didn’t feel like enough though. But… what else could he possibly do?

Eventually he sobs started to peter out and then stop completely.  Her grip on his mane even loosened some.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a whisper. “I was too slow.” If he’d shown up on the scene even just a minute or two faster, he could’ve saved her. “I should’ve come sooner. I…”

“It’s not your fault,” she interrupted, letting go of him to move back and look up at him. “Don’t blame yourself, okay?” How was he supposed to do that? “But… you killed them, right? You made them pay for… for… doing that to me, right?”

“Of course, what do you think I am, kiddo? I don’t let people get away with hurting what’s mine, ever.” He’d set another part of the forest on fire while he was at it too but who cared? “And if any of them ever show up again, I’ll kill them too, okay?” He forced an evil smile for her.

She nodded as she wiped away the tears leaking from her now ghostly glowing eyes. “T-thank you. But uh… I… don’t want to be dead. I know you’re dead and so are all the Subconites so I shouldn’t complain but…”

“No, it’s fine. We’ve been dead a long time but we all remember what it’s like. It’s… rough.” And she was a child, making it so much worse. But a lot of the Subconites had been children when they’d died too – children seemed have a higher chance to turn into ghosts upon death, whether that was because it was extra tragic, tragic deaths being the most common deaths that led to ghosthood, or something to do with their souls was unknown, nor did it really matter. “You’ll get used to it eventually though… probably sooner than you think.”

Hat Kid made a soft whining sound in response, hanging her head.

“Is… is there anything I can do help you feel better?” Emotional things really weren’t something Snatcher knew much about even after going to therapy for half a year now.

“I… don’t know.”

“Uh… I could make you a body to possess. I did it for all the Subconites, it helped them some.”

Hat Kid perked up a bit. “Really?”

“Uh… yeah but… it won’t make you any more alive.” He needed to clarify that in case she got her hopes up. “It just makes you feel a bit better.” He’d tried it once himself, way back at the start, but he had too much power for a doll to hold, even a well-crafted one; it had completely disintegrated within an hour of him possessing it. He’d since just grown to prefer being a free-floating spirit. It wasn’t for everyone though, especially with how hard the initial transition to it was. So… “Does that sound good?”

“Uh… yeah, yes please. I want a body.” Hat Kid nodded, sniffling a little.

“All right. Give me a few days and I’ll make you one.” It wouldn’t be the same but her death already meant things would never be the same. They just had to adjust to this thing however best they could. She wasn’t gone and that’s what mattered most.

-

 At first he started knitting another doll much like the Subconites had except he planed to make it look a bit more like Hat Kid – since he only had to make one instead of hundreds, he could afford to spend more time on it and personalize it. But while he hadn’t had a choice in what to make the Subconites bodies out of since sewing and knitting had been his only relevant skills and he didn’t exactly have time to learn a whole new skill he could perhaps do so with Hat Kid’s doll.

The Subconites were made out of cloth and stuffing. Serviceable materials especially when laced with a little bit of magic but not very durable. They had to be careful about not getting too wet or too close to fire that wasn’t magical in nature. It meant they were the least dangerous things in the forest because they were literally plushies. He had the time to at least try to give Hat Kid something a bit more durable so… he should do it. What though?

It would still have to be a doll of some sort. Human shaped things were both easier and more comfortable to possess. Maybe he could try to carve a sturdy chunk of wood into the right shape, make it a bit like a puppet expect without the strings so it could move. Or maybe he could try to make her a body made of metal? Basically make her a Hat Kid shaped suit of armor to possess. That’d be nigh on indestructible. It was worth a try at least. If it failed, he could go back to the puppet idea. If that failed, a plush doll would have to do because it’d certainly be better than nothing.

 He spent all his free time with either Hat Kid, helping her through this difficult time as best his limited ability to handle emotional things would allow him to, or working on the suit of armor. As with most things, he had books on the subject to help him through the process – having a book on making plushies would’ve been so nice back when he had to make all those dolls for the Subconites but that had been before he’d started collecting books again. He had more control of his magic now too which also helped a lot.

The materials and tools he used to make it were stolen from Hat Kid’s ship or the wreckage of the ship the peck necks who’d hunted her down had used to come here. Working on it was actually a really good way to distract himself from how he could’ve and should’ve prevented her death. It also made him feel better about failing to protect because if this plan worked, almost nothing could ever hurt her ever again. … Ugh, the whole therapy nonsense was making him in tune with his emotions and motivations, gross.

Eventually the question had to come up though. “You… said you were making me a body,” Hat Kid asked one evening when he visited. “How’s that going?”

“Pretty good.” He couldn’t leave at that though, could he? He’d told it’d take a few days and he’d been working on it for about a week now. “I’m not making it quite like that Subconites’ bodies so it’s taking a little while. Sorry about that kiddo.”

Her face lit up with interest, good anything to help her feel less miserable. “Really? How is it different?”

“You’ll see,” he replied with a sly grin.

“Ah! But I want to know.”

“Nope, I ain’t going to tell you kiddo. It’s a surprise and no amount of ugly puppy dog eyes is going to change my mind.” Let her frustrated curiosity distract her for a bit. “I ain’t going to tell you when it’s going to be finished either.” Mostly because he didn’t know either. “That’s got to be a surprise too.”

“Hmmm… I’m real excited then. Thank you, you’re the best dad.”

He wasn’t and he never would be but… he was trying his best. That’s all anyone could ever ask of him, right?

-

 It took almost another whole week to finally finish it. It was… a suit of armor shaped like Hat Kid, the same height as when she’d died. The head had been the hardest but with a little magic and assistance from a Subconite who’d been a smith when alive, he’d gotten it about right.

Next, he sewed clothes for it. Just like Hat Kid’s normal outfit except the cape he made looked like the ones the Subconites wore. He even put her hat on it after making absolutely sure all the blood had been cleaned off. Now all that was left to do was check to make sure it wouldn’t fall to shambles when Hat Kid possessed it. It shouldn’t, it was human shaped and suits of armor were the second most possessed thing after dolls but it was still possible.

“Yo kid,” he said as he popped in on Hat Kid playing with some of the Subconites. “I got a surprise for you.”

Her face lit up with excitement. “Is it the doll you made for me?”

“Bingo! Let’s go.” He snapped as he transported them through his pocket dimension to the hidden room he’d been making the ‘doll’ in.

Hat Kid let out an audible gasp soon as she saw it. “Really?” She turned her head back to look at him. “For me?”

“No, I made it look like you and dressed it up like you for one of the Subconites. I’m just showing it to you to tease you and be mean.”

She giggled a little, a sound he hadn’t heard from her in what felt like ages now. “Okay uh… how do I do the thing?”

“Just go up to it and slide into it. It should come naturally to you once you’re in the right position.”

Hat Kid floated over to hover in front of and then around behind it. She tentatively placed her hands on it shoulders. She faded into it and a second a later it jerked to life as if taking a breath, yellow light suddenly pouring out of its eye sockets.

“Oh, this feels… weird but in a good way,” she said looking down at her hands and moving them around, flexing her fingers. “Oh and I have legs again.” She marched around in a little circle, clanking softly. “This is so cool! Thank you.” She turned back to face Snatcher. The metal face was weird to look at and the mouth couldn’t change from its soft smile but he could tell she was probably smiling internally wider than she had since before her death.

Snatcher allowed himself a small sigh of relief. It had worked and wasn’t falling apart and she was happy again. “It’s whatever,” he said, trying to wave it off as not a big deal because he didn’t want to talk about how hard he’d worked on it or why. Emotions weren’t his thing.

She wasn’t having that though. She ran over and hugged him tight. “I love you dad.”

He flinched. She’d never said that before, she’d implied it plenty of times but never outright said it. “Uh…” He patted her awkwardly on the top of her hat. “I uh… um…”

“It’s okay,” she said as she released him and stepped back. “You don’t have to say it. I know you do. You wouldn’t have made this for me if you hadn’t.”

Snatcher looked away. “Let’s uh… go show all the Subconites, huh? I’m sure they’ll love it.”

He brought them back to Subcon Village and moved back to let her run around and show everybody. It needed a good stress test anyway. So far it seemed he’d done a good job though.

For this drabble event.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #167

Hey, I’m not dead!

Yeah, sorry that took a while. Had a lot of real-life shit to work through, honestly. In any case, I finally sat my butt down to really crack down on yet another fun-tastical chapter. Tomoko’s actually doing what a lot of quasi-incel degenerates are afraid to do in high school and is taking an actual stab at self-improvement. Will karma rear its ugly head, or is the series now beyond that point?

Chapter 167: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Spend My Time Wisely unlike me

This is a really pretty shot and...that’s about it. Real pretty. 

Oh dear! The friendship disease has disrupted Tomoko’s gremlin-like body clock and has her waking up early like a healthy human being!

Reminds of that one Gintama episode. You know, that one with Kagura and the sick kid and you don’t care, do you?

I know Japan prides itself on its cheap, quality goods, but Tomoko is a real penny-pincher, eh? Well, she’s a Gen Zer, so I can’t complain.

Not sure if this makes me sound like a perv or whatever, but hot damn, the detail on this model is stupidly good. I mean, just look at the patterning on that bra. You can really tell when Ikko’s really getting into the art.

They’re really milking the armpit fetish, aren’t they?

Tomoko...sweetie...my girl...

You don’t even have a dick. I mean, sure, you could find it fascinating from a purely educational, not-applicable-to-you perspective. And yeah, I suppose it could be useful if you were to start a sexual relationship with a noncanonical male. But to be honest, I can’t help but take it as more signs of your gender dysphoria here. 

I mean, hey, whatever floats your boat.  

Well, they say kids learn more about practical knowledge out in the real world than in school, don’t they? 

Then again, coughgoogleitcough.

I always thought Tomoko was just having some kind of psychosomatic experience when she talks about being de-energized from a lack of sexual stimulation. 

Now I’m inches from calling that shit an actual, physiological withdrawal.

Ah, the good ol’ days. Back when future prospects felt like a lifetime away and you could spend days on end dicking around, lamenting the need to get serious, and disregarding your resolve right after because you secretly didn’t really care.

...I gotta stop projecting.

Despite Tomoko proving time and again that she can be a crass-hole with a negative outlook on life, it’s when she does childish things like laying your head on your arm when studying and cuddling her plushies that her innocent side pops up and you realize that Tomoko’s a legitimate cutie. 

Fake-smoking? Tomoko, stop! If you keep this up, you’ll turn from a deconstruction of a cute, moe girl to becoming an actual cute, moe girl.

I only just noticed that Tomoko’s wearing a “happy” shirt. Remember when she was sporting the “alone” shirt back in year one? Even her clothes get character development.

Oh, shit. Your girl Yuu-chan talking this whole cram school thing seriously even though she’s at a disadvantage. You see, this is why Yuu is literally the best. Despite being at the “top” of the school clique food chain, she has not once ever felt like “bottomfeeders” like Tomoko and Komi were below her in any way. Sure, she knows they’re weirdos, but she makes those acknowledgments without judgement, and all while putting herself on the same leveling field. She doesn’t love them ironically–she loves them sincerely, and that’s why Yuu is awesome. 

Sorry if this turned into a ramble, but Yuu only gets like, one panel of dialogue nowadays and I wanted to make the most of it. 

Tomoko be raising that “phone-call” flag like a motherfucking chad. 

...

...

...

Oh, sorry. I saw Yuri with her hair down and lost track of time.

...

...

...

Damn, Yuri’s pretty.

Black leggings at home? That’s exactly the kind of conservative attire Yuri would wear and only Yuri could look amazing in. Seriously, If Ikko hadn’t become a manga artist, she would have made a damn fine fashion designer.

And Tomoko be crushing that “home-visit” flag like a motherfucking chode.

I could make a pretty tasteless joke about how “haha, Yuri will never look at you like you’re trash like she does at Tomoko,” but, 

a. it’s just the angle of the smartphone like Yuri said, and

b. you’d probably prefer to get denied like that, wouldn’t you?

I can’t help but wonder if Tomoko realizes just how homoerotic she sounds. Like, does she have any inclination that her borderline-sexual harassment jokes could easily be misconstrued as flirting? Sure, she might be using the old excuse that “we’re both girls, so it’s fine right?”, but given that Tomoko at least knows about LGBTQ+, you’d think it would have at least crossed her mind.

Or maybe, on a sadder note, Tomoko doesn’t see it as flirting because she really does have zero faith in her own attractiveness...  

There is no heterosexual reason for this exchange whatsoever.

Alright, so I’m a dude, so...hell do I know. But do girls typically not wear bras when just lounging around the house? I know Tomoko is the kind to just wear tank tops if she can help it, but I always thought that was a characterization unique to her, and that other girls wear bras for the comfort and support like any other undergarment. I mean, sure, Yuri’s kind of reserved, but I wouldn’t think wearing a bra at home would be considered an oddity, yeah? I ask this out of genuine curiosity, but I’ll stop before it gets too creepy.

Side note, you can officially tell when Yuri gets pissed by her nose crinkles.

I could give a long, analytical spiel about why Yuri didn’t give Tomoko a straight answer and speculate on what she was doing, but I eventually realized the answer was actually really simple:

It didn’t fucking matter to the story.

The last time Tomoko had one of these “I know!” moments, she ended up trimming her pubes on a class trip. But surely Tomoko’s character growth wouldn’t allow something like that to happen again, would it not?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Adorbs.

Can’t fight awkward with awkward, can you?

Tomoko, what are you playing at? You just said that video chatting was erotic and tried to get Yuri to lewd herself for you. And now you were planning to appear on-screen totally naked and you somehow don’t see any sexual implications for this at all? Finding it funny would be an elementary schooler’s mentality. If you seriously have no confidence in your sexuality, then sweetheart, you need some help. 

You ever notice that Tomoko can lie through her teeth when trying to screw with people, but when lying to be nice, it sounds so phony? I think that says a lot about the kind of person she is.

Ya’ll knew I was gonna add this panel, didn’t you?

I was never one to go crazy about blushing anime girls ‘cause to me, it always felt like it stemmed from some sadistic desire to see girls look uncomfortable. So while I can’t get behind it for reasons like that, I can admit that Yuri’s blush is fucking precious and I think that’s because I love seeing her so emotionally transparent for once. It feels rare, raw and well-earned after all this time, so yeah. A++ 

Oh, Tomoko, if only you knew that skill often has nothing to do with it. Yuri’s not embarrassed because she sucks at humming, but because you saw a side of her that she only lets out in private. Trying to reassure her is a good move, but putting the girl on blast like that is not going to end well.  

I felt like the vibration alone would’ve left a huge-ass crack on Yuri’s phone screen. This whole moment is like eleven tiers of funny because even though Tomoko is probably miles away, the impact of Yuri’s punch still jostles her. It also helps that we can visibly see Yuri’s fist come down mere millimeters from Tomoko’s mug. 

There is no escaping her wrath, Tomoko.

I feel you, girl. For me, nothing beats a good ol’ burger and fries after a hard day of studying.

Careful there, Tomoko. If there’s one thing that studying has taught me (other than I hate it), it’s that you could get serious burn out if you go all-out on the first day, especially if you’re typically not a regular studier. Always make sure to get dem breaks in. 

That sounds like the kind of line you’d see in a mainstream shounen action manga like [ ]. I don’t even have a direct reference here, so feel free to fill in the blank.

Hey, with Tomoko’s luck, I was expecting karma to hit her harder than Truck-kun in an isekai anime, so I consider this a small loss. 

Man, remember when we were young and had ambitions as high as the sky, and we all wanted to change the world by being firefighters, astronauts, idols, and presidents?

Kind of sucks that “financial stability” has become our goal in life as we enter adulthood. Perhaps that’s just the mindset creative-types like Tomoko have towards the STEM industry when it’s hard to see what makes that world so personally fulfilling. 

Oops, my opinions are starting to seep in, so let's move on.

Nooo, don’t do it, Nico Tanigawa Tomoko! Don’t sell out your passions for financial security even though it’s a totally viable career decision! How else are we going to validate the pursuit of our artistic dreams?  

How in the hell is Tomoko balancing that drink? I’m willing to let it pass for rule of cute, but I don’t care how secure that cup is. One wrong move and those practice sheets are done for. 

Jesus Christ, Nemo is on some otherworldly dimension of cute right here.

I don’t even think Tomoko is trying to one-up her or anything. This is already the most effort she’s given to study in a single instance, so I think she genuinely just wants to share this personal accomplishment.

You know, while it’s already been established that Tomoko and Nemo have different tastes in anime, that doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t watch the same show, right? Just for different reasons. While Nemo would watch her cute slice-of-life series earnestly, Tomoko would probably watch them ironically MST3K-style. In any case, it’s a good way for them to find some common ground.

Bruh, Nemo must be over the fucking moon for this opportunity. Think about it: when was the last time she’s had someone to watch anime with her? After concealing her power level for so long, this could be the first time Nemo has had a fellow anime fan to geek out over a series with. And not just discussing it afterward, but actually reacting to a live episode together.  

Nemo may give Tomoko all kinds of shit, but this is actually what she wanted all along, wasn’t it?

Boy, Tomoko sure gets pretty demanding when she’s sleep-deprived, huh? I’d hate to see how loose her inhibitions get when she’s stark-raving drunk.  

Is this referencing the Quintessential Quintuplets anime? I don’t know anything about it other than that’s a kickass title.

Hey now, Tomoko, beggars can’t be choosers. Let Nemo give you the play-by-play at her own pace. She’s even acknowledging that you hate the source magazine without a hint of judgment. She’s gonna go places.

At first, I thought all this recent armpit content was just an incidental joke. Then I thought it was the mangaka slyly inserting their fetish into the series. Then I realized the series turned the joke on its head and made it a meta-reference about their very thing their readers were accusing them of. 

Well played.  

You ain’t slick with that leg service, Nino Tanigawa. Just sayin’.

Seriously though, I love the dynamic going on in this conversation. Tomoko and Nemo are approaching the discussion from different outlooks, the former looking at it from a degenerate’s perspective and the latter looking at it more optimistically. But even so, they’re not trying to “get the upper hand” like they might've done before. They’re simply having a totally organic talk about what they do and don’t like about the series, while still recognizing each other’s personal preferences. For once, it’s completely devoid of passive aggressiveness and it really shows how earnest their friendship has become.

At some point, I think Tomoko’s consumed so much near-pornographic content that pretty much all anime, manga, VNs, etc. looks like the same hentai to her.  

Every fiber of my being says that this is a reference to Komi-san Can’t Communicate, but it could just as well be the mangaka shooting themselves in the foot for a good joke. In any case, I do like how they point out shy, socially awkward girls is a rising trend that borders on romanticizing communication problems. 

Does that make Watamote a hipster manga since it did the whole “social anxiety girl” shtick before it was cool? 

I wanted to make a pretentious joke about how basic that anime sounds and how I’m so above a show that panders to the masses, but even I like junk food, so I’ll spare you the hypocritical humor.

If Ucchi caught a glimpse of this, she’d probably explode right on the spot.

I spent a good five minutes trying to decipher how Tomoko’s sleeping expression could be seen as “happy”, and I realized that it’s not that she looks happy. It’s that she doesn’t look unhappy. I’d imagine that those plagued by anxiety and stress have it evident on their face when they sleep, so the fact that Tomoko fell asleep in relative bliss must mean she’s had a pretty satisfying day. To top it all off, this is one of the few times someone–and Nemo of all people–has seen Tomoko in all her vulnerability. 

And you know what? Nothing bad happened. No punchline undermining the moment, no sarcastic quip, no embarrassment. Just genuine sweetness and it really speaks to the series’ faith in its heartwarming moments.

As a final note, I just wanted to thank everyone again for their patience. I’ve been trying to put a fresh spin on this, making it a little more comedic since its honestly getting harder to “analyze” without constantly repeating myself. It’s a lot of fun, and I hope you guys enjoy it for what it is.

[cloversdreams]

Day 2 of @givenevents Winter Holiday Event 2020 Pairing: TakeYoi Prompt: All this time that I spent chasing 

🎸 🎸

I chased after an unrequited love for so long that it felt weird to put myself out there again. Now I’m left to wonder just how long I was missing out on incredible things as I forced myself to be unhappy… Yayoi tucked her hair behind her ear after the wind tousled it playfully. She turned and saw that Koji was laughing at something he noticed on display in one of the booths they passed. He squeezed her hand to get her attention and motioned towards it.

Carnivals weren’t exactly Yayoi’s style, she much preferred a fancy dinner, but she had to admit that she was glad they’d come to this one. It was enough to see the way that her boyfriend smiled as they tried different snacks. He also smiled as he failed at the games, and when he explained that he couldn’t go on most of the rides because he’d get sick but they could still have all sorts of fun. He was always smiling.

Even when they met he would do silly things just to see if it’d make her smile too. She wanted to be put-off, truly she did, but he was just… a genuinely nice guy. It was hard to ignore the selfless things he did. Unlike other men she’d been interested in, he seemed to want to shower her in attention. She couldn’t really turn something like that down. Once she gave it a chance, she finally saw just what she’d been missing out on.

“Look at how cute that penguin over there is, Yayoi!” Koji exclaimed. He turned towards her with a grin. “I’ll win that one for you for sure.”

She let go of his hand and shook her head. He hadn’t been able to win at a single game yet, but that didn’t stop him from being determined. She couldn’t decide if it was endearing or silly. Either way it was surprisingly cute.

It really was different having someone else call or text first. Koji always sought her out. She could think about him for a brief moment then look at her phone to find he’d sent her a picture of a flower he saw while out for a walk and thought was pretty. Being with someone like him made her wonder what exactly she’d been chasing after for so long. Whatever it was, it had been a relief to finally let it go. She could just be herself with Koji and that was probably the best part about dating him. It was exhausting trying to be that perfect girl everyone seemed to think she was.

“Well, it’s no penguin but… I did win something…” Koji smiled a crooked smile as he returned. He offered her the plushie he’d managed to win this time.

Yayoi took the very not cute gorilla and studied it. Why was it missing an eye? What was with the horrible shade of brown? Was that a flower in its hand? And was it wearing zebra print shorts? She blinked at the ugly little doll as her brain processed everything. Her nose crinkled as she tried her hardest not to react how she knew she was about to. It was to no avail.

She put a hand over her mouth and burst into a fit of laughter. There were tears in her eyes when she finally managed to say, “This is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Koji rubbed the back of his head slowly. “Yeah, I know… I can give it back and try again if you want.”

“No, it’s mine!” Yayoi hugged the gorilla to her chest and turned her torso away from him so he couldn’t grab it if he tried. She wiped the tears from her eyes then squeezed the plushie and added, “He may not be conventionally cute, but you worked hard and won him for me. That means he’s special.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Koji replied with a cheery grin.

That good attitude of his was infectious. She couldn’t help but smile too.  She kept the gorilla hugged to her chest with one arm and placed the other on Koji’s left cheek. Then she leaned up onto the balls of her feet and kissed his right one. If they were in an anime his glasses would’ve fogged up with how quickly his face turned pink. She put her hand over her mouth once more and chuckled softly. She might not have been chasing this exactly, but she was sure glad she’d found it instead.

[awkward-toshinori]

Hey Yo, can I get all 200 asks for the ask meme thing? Please and thank you!

Absolutely

200: My crush’s name is:

Horia

199: I was born in:

Romania

198: I am really:

friendly and trustworthy

197: My cellphone company is:

Digi

196: My eye color is:

Aqua Blue

195: My shoe size is:

7,5

194: My ring size is:

20?? hell if i know tbh

193: My height is:

5′7

192: I am allergic to:

nothing

191: My 1st car was:

I can’t drive yet!!

190: My 1st job was:

No jobs yikes :c

189: Last book you read:

Sword of Destiny!!

188: My bed is:

messy and full of plushies

187: My pet:

no pets but ahh  my baby plant

186: My best friend:

I’ve got tons of them and I’m pretty sure they know themselves

185: My favorite shampoo is:

ah I don’t really have any preferences

184: Xbox or ps3:

*big gasp* ps3

183: Piggy banks are:

They’re superb but I would feel so bad about wrecking one

182: In my pockets:

Glasses tissues

181: On my calendar:

uh there’s nothing noted yet

180: Marriage is:

Something quiet amazing and lovely, at least from my point

179: Spongebob can:

aww man I don’t watch spongebob

178: My mom:

is shorther than me, that’s for sure

177: The last three songs I bought were?

I didn’t buy any songs but I did buy albums and the last three I bought I suppose were Aenima by tool, Portrait of An American Familly by Marilyn Manson and Slipknot by Slipknot, I think

176: Last YouTube video watched:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q9UafsiQ6k

175: How many cousins do you have?

2 or 3 I think

174: Do you have any siblings?

Yes, one

173: Are your parents divorced?

nope

172: Are you taller than your mom?

yes B)

171: Do you play an instrument?

Not yet but I’m planning on getting a bass so

170: What did you do yesterday?

I went to a cool concert

169: Love at first sight:

not rlly

168: Luck:

nope

167: Fate:

also no

166: Yourself:

no *oops doopsie I’m sorry*

165: Aliens:

yes

164: Heaven:

nah

163: Hell:

no

162: God:

nopety

161: Horoscopes:

not really

160: Soul mates:

hmm  a bit

159: Ghosts:

no

158: Gay Marriage:

157: War:

not really

156: Orbs:

not really  :/

155: Magic:

no but I find it interesting154: Hugs or Kisses:

hugs

153: Drunk or High:

I personally wouldn’t go for any of those but drunk ig

152: Phone or Online:

online

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black haired

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

ah, blondes

149: Hot or cold:

cold

148: Summer or winter:

winter

147: Autumn or Spring:

spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

vanilla

145: Night or Day:

night

144: Oranges or Apples:

oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair:

straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

McDonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

White Chocolate

140: Mac or PC:

PC

139: Flip flops or high heals:

flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor tbh

137: Coke or Pepsi:

coke

136: Hillary or Obama:

Obama??!!

135: Burried or cremated:

cremated

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing

133: Coach or Chanel:

coach

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

I uh, none

131: Small town or Big city:

big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

I had never went to one though Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast:

East Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags:

disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

Yankees

122: War:

I uh personally don’t agree with them and uh dunno

121: George Bush:

Don’t have one yet

120: Gay Marriage:

I find it lovely but too sad it’s not legal here so

119: The presidential election:

Quiet stinky as in no good choices

118: Abortion:

See this topic rips itself in two, if it’s intentionally done I personally think it’s the worst thing to do but that someone can do whatever they want, it’s their body after all, though if it happens and it’s not intended just, big sad react

117: MySpace:

I don’t have an opinion on it

116: Reality TV:

I don’t really watch it nor like it

115: Parents:

I would’ve appreciated if my parents showed me more support and love but not that I have anything against our type of relationship at the moment so

114: Back stabbers:

I totally not like them so I choose to cut contact with them 

113: Ebay:

It’s fine till now

112: Facebook:

I’m not a big fan of Facebook

111: Work:

If it’s something I love, it makes me feel good but if it’s not it kind of brings a feeling of uneasy and frustration to me

110: My Neighbors:

They’re chill, the baby and the puppy are my favorites 

109: Gas Prices:

kinda shitty here

108: Designer Clothes:

They can design what they want however they want, this is not really a topic of interest for me

107: College:

I can’t wait to get to it ngl

106: Sports:

Not one of my interests but they do look fun

105: My family:

I tolerate them easily but yeah I love them

104: The future:

Other than that I’m scared as hell regarding the future? nah

103: Hugged someone:

Eh!! Today!!

102: Last time you ate:

7 hours ago??

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:

Oh last week I think

100: Cried in front of someone:

U H, yesterday

99: Went to a movie theater:

last thursday

98: Took a vacation:

last Christmas

97: Swam in a pool:

last summer

96: Changed a diaper:

never tbh

95: Got my nails done:

OH, it’s been ages since I’ve done that

94: Went to a wedding:

4 years ago

93: Broke a bone:

never nyehehe B)

92: Got a peircing:

I don’t have any but planning on getting some

91: Broke the law:

never

90: Texted: 

minutes ago

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

tbh, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

my stuff but mostly my baby plant

87: The last movie I saw:

Captain MArvel

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

finishing high school

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

Missing upcoming opportunities

84: People call me:

Satana(I have the perferct explanation)

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

talk in servers or groups tbh

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

Oh I’d feel terrible and embarassed tbh

81: My zodiac sign is:

LEo

80: The first person i talked to today was:

my boyfriend

79: First time you had a crush:

in 5th grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

My boyfriend.. because he knows when something’s up with me or if something’s not good

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

hmmm weeks ago I think

76: Right now I am talking to:

@angelwings-234

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

be a programmer 

74: I have/will get a job:

I hope to get one as a programmer in the future (though hell If I know what exactly yet)

73: Tomorrow:

I’ll probably hope for school to end faster just so I can nap

72: Today:

I haven’t done much tbh

71: Next Summer:

Will be so busy and I’m so not up to it

70: Next Weekend:

I’ll be going to a cool ass contest

69: I have these pets:

I have a baby plant!!!

68: The worst sound in the world:

static noise

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

myself?? sounds a bit edgy

66: People that make you happy:

all the close friends in my life and some artists along with stuff I enjoy a lot

65: Last time I cried:

yesterday

64: My friends are:

There are too many to list them but luv them all

63: My computer is:

full of games that I’m probably not going to finish in the following 2 months

62: My School:

kinda sucks when it comes to students

61: My Car:

does not exist yet

60: I lose all respect for people who:

who are rude and big mean bags of shit?? I could detail this but dunno

59: The movie I cried at was:

Interstellar 

58: Your hair color is:

blonde

57: TV shows you watch:

SOA, Gotham when my bf watches it and I don’t really like TV shows though I have some on my waiting list

56: Favorite web site:

https://www.pbinfo.ro/

55: Your dream vacation:

just, somewhere around a forest, it’d be quiet lovely ngl

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

tooth pain

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

a bit raw tbh

52: My room is:

ass messy as me

51: My favorite celebrity is:

uhhh Corey Taylor

50: Where would you like to be:

Right now?? At my bf, if it wouldn’t bother him..

49: Do you want children:

ABsolutely

48: Ever been in love:

still am ig

47: Who’s your best friend:

I have too many but love them all so much

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

I have more guy friends apparently 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

achieving something

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

All of my best-friends tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

I do

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

Not yet and I doubt I’d do it

41: Have you pre-named your children:

me and my bf came up with some names but who knows

40: Last person I got mad at:

My bf i think

39: I would like to move to:

another city in my country, a much bigger one

38: I wish I was a professional:

artist

37: Candy:

Haribo

36: Vehicle:

Renault or Dacia

35: President:

don’t really have one

34: State visited:

I haven’t been to any at all

33: Cellphone provider:

Digi

32: Athlete:

I don;t have one yikes

31: Actor:

Hmm Benicio Del Toro

30: Actress:

I like some but I don’t have a favorite one

29: Singer:

Peter Steele, his voice is simply, lovely

28: Band:

Ohhh anon Tool and Cargo atm

27: Clothing store:

I don’t have a fav one

26: Grocery store:

any??

25: TV show:

Sons Of Anarchy

24: Movie:

The Alien trilogy

23: Website:

Twitter I think

22: Animal:

Cat

21: Theme park:

I don’t really have one

20: Holiday:

Christmas

19: Sport to watch:

ski jumping

18: Sport to play:

Volleyball I think

17: Magazine:

Don’t have one

16: Book:

The Shinning

15: Day of the week:

Saturdays

14: Beach:

Don’t really like beaches

13: Concert attended:

Truda’s concert for moment but I suppose Disturbing’s going ro replace it or maybe Cannibal Corpse, who knows

12: Thing to cook:

Pudding

11: Food:

Noodles or cremeschnitte

10: Restaurant:

One called Anna

9: Radio station:

don’t have one

8: Yankee candle scent:

dreamy summer nights

7: Perfume:

men’s one are my favorite, gotta admit it

6: Flower:

ORchids

5: Color:

purple and black

4: Talk show host:

don’t have one

3: Comedian:

A romanian one, can’t remember his name

2: Dog breed:

German Shepherd, American Eskimo, Border Collie, Golden Retriever, Siberian HUsky there are too many I can’t choose only one

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

yes I did it oh god

[xoxoendoh]

A Prickly Pair

Prompt: Temari Week / Month 2018, Day 1: Hourglass ⏳ (Sorry I’m late!)

Summary: Shika tries his damnedest to ensure Tema’s first birthday they spend together is perfect…but life has a way of turning the best intentions upside-down. ;) Ninja-verse + all the Naruto crew!

Also, if my god-awful 🌵 pun of a title didn't give it away, lemme just say this: prepare yourself for a long fic with major fluff and cracky humor! 

Rating: T; colorful language, birthday booze, some suggestive themes 😏 There are two f-bombs—two!—but they are well-deserved, so I'm leaving this fic as T.

Soundtrack: “Magic in the Hamptons” by Social House (ft. Lil Yachty)—it's so damn catchy!

Also: Hanakotoba is the art of conveying messages / sentiments through flowers. For example, you might send yellow camellias to a SO who's been away on business as a way of conveying "longing." 💐

Read on FF.net here + this will have a Part II / continuation...soon-ish!

Shikamaru knew he was in trouble. One way or another, he knew he was going to have his ass handed to him. As that notion wasn’t exactly incentivizing, ...his lazy ass had procrastinated: now he had one day.

“What a drag…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, both elbows resting on his thighs.

If there was one thing he knew about the other troublesome women in his life—his mother, Ino, Sakura, even the Godaime—it was that their birthdays might as well have been national holidays.

But if he did what his troublesome woman claimed she wanted, he’d literally be doing nothing. For her birthday.

When he’d seen Temari last month, he had manned the hell up. He’d gritted his teeth, grumbled out of the corner of his mouth, and eventually inquired about her looming birthday. Her response, of course, had been less than helpful. She’d crossed her arms in a huff and flicked her blonde head in the opposite direction. He couldn’t see her face, but he heard her loud and clear: “Shikamaru, you idiot. It’s just a birthday. Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?”

Easier said than done, you impossible woman! he thought, shaking his head.

Because what if she was just saying that? What if she wanted the whole dog and pony show and he was just supposed to know? What if she was playing at one of those stupid female mind games?

Even worse, this wasn’t just any birthday. Oh, no. Of course not!

This year, she’d be stuck in Konoha for the next Chunin Exams planning conference—far away from her family and working on official Suna business. On top of that, this would be their first ‘big event’ or ‘anniversary’ or ‘milestone’—or whatever the hell it was birthdays actually were!—since they became a couple. It had only been three months since they’d made it official, …and that feat had been a special sort of excruciating in itself.

At the memory, Shikamaru face-planted into his folded arms, a feeble effort to hide from the lingering embarrassment. Taking her off the market should’ve been the hardest part! How the hell was he supposed to know it only got more confusing from there?

Because what if she really wasn’t big on birthdays? What if he wrecked it by going all out? Did she want it to be just the two of them? Did she want to pretend birthdays didn’t exist?

“Damn it, I’m hopeless with this stuff…” he grumbled into his elbow, before letting out a long groan. “I’m so screwed, I should have just sent word to her brothers and asked!” He felt a drop of sweat bead under his ear and trickle down.

Too late for that now, genius.

But he was a genius, and there had to be a way to not screw this up! He couldn’t afford to, not so early on in the relationship, not when he didn’t have enough—or any—romantic capital stockpiled to make up for it! But no matter how many different scenarios he ran through, they all played out the same way—painfully. He could see it all so clearly:

Temari backhanding him into next week. Temari grabbing him by the collar and chucking him out a window. Temari launching him airborne with a single swish of her fan. Temari summoning Kamatari to bite his ear off.

Damn, his girlfriend was scary. The thought made his frown falter….

That huffy little pout. The way her blonde pigtails bounced when she stomped over to him, her little hands twitching and ready to slap some sense into him. Her eyes getting that scary teal-fire glow…

He sighed and shook his head, utterly defeated.

Damn her, he thought, grinning despite himself. She’s beautiful even when she wants to wring my neck. He sat up to look across the Nara land, noting the sun’s angle in the melting sky.

If he was going to get his teeth kicked in no matter what he did, he might as well try to do something nice for his girl, …right? He seized the moment of motivation, forming an oval with his fingers, and closed his eyes.

Take her at her word and just find a happy medium! he ordered his brain. Surprisingly, the conclusion came to him a moment later: Dinner with the crew. No one hates a dinner party, and everyone loves her. Done. Easy.

Shikamaru let out a satisfied yawn and crossed his arms, pleased to have settled the matter.

Hold up, genius. Her birthday present!

His hands flew back together.

Damn it, jewelry?

No, he’d never seen Temari wear any, and jewelry would probably breach her “big deal” rule.

Chocolate?

No, they were going to a dinner party. Food on food would be stupid, right?

What do you want, woman?? he wondered bleakly. This is worse than getting Naruto and Hinata’s wedding present! He’d be willing to shell out whatever it took if she would just like what he got her….

Losing the iota of motivation he’d mustered, he lowered his head in another trademarked Shika-sigh.

Times like these, he wished Asuma were still around.

He wished the same for his dad, of course…but Shikaku would have just shrugged noncommittally and told him to ask his mother, anyways. He’d already tried that. His mom, however, had been no help at all. All she’d done was gush about how ‘talented’ and ‘lovely’ Temari was until he’d fled the damn house! Like he needed reminding...

But Asuma…

Well, he would have loved Temari, too. But he would’ve had at least something helpful to offer!

Who am I kidding? Shikamaru couldn’t help the chuckle he felt in his chest. Like Asuma had any moves, anyway! Kurenai-sensei just took pity on the guy. He’d just tell me to get Temari flowers, like it was that simple.

Shikamaru sat up straight, struck by the sheer simplicity of it. Maybe it was that easy, maybe Asuma had it right! Flowers wouldn’t be too flashy or too much of “a big deal” or whatever Temari had called it.

Alright, Dad, Asuma-sensei..., he thought with a faint smile, standing to shrug his hands into his pockets. Let’s see if that famous ‘Ino-Shika-Cho teamwork’ can conquer this.

Game-face on, he trudged his way to the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

If he had thought he’d be prepared for Ino’s excitement, he’d have been dead wrong. Of course, he knew Ino better than that.

“So, uh, do you have any, uh…” he trailed off, unable to look her in the eye, feeling his entire body go tomato-red. Clearing his throat, he tried again, but every word combined into one: “DoyouhaveanyflowersfromSuna?”

Somehow, she deciphered the question he’d asked his feet.

“Shikamaru!” she screamed. “I have been waiting for you to drag your lazy ass in here and get her something! You really know how to wait until the last minute, huh?”

He could hear the haughty smirk in her voice.

“But really, Shikamaru, it’s so sweet!” She sighed dreamily. “You and Temari are perfect together…. And flowers from her home country…”

He looked up just in time to see her eyes glassing over as she clutched at her heart.

“Of course we’ll help you!” Abruptly, the honey left her voice and she traded her doe-eyes for her signature scowl. “Right, Choji?” she growled, smacking Choji’s hand as he reached for the last morsel in her bento,

“Y-yeah, Shikamaru!” he piped up, his red hand floundering until it landed on the back of his neck. “We’ve got your back, bud. You know we love Temari.”

Shikamaru felt relief surge through his system: these two would always save his ass.

Not wasting any time, Ino leapt over the counter, apron strings trailing behind her, and bodily dragged Shikamaru after her. Ignoring his grousing, she wound them through the rows of greenery and fragrant blooms until they reached a partitioned-off portion she called “The Suna Section!!”

“We actually have a pretty good variety of desert plants,” she declared proudly, sweeping a hand out before four tables overflowing with vegetation.

As Shikamaru bent his knees and gaped at the selection, his teammate prattled on, getting more excited with every question:

“So what else are you going to do for her birthday? It’s tomorrow, right? When does she arrive?”

Shikamaru knew she needed answers, but all he could do was gawk at the array of…things…in front of him. There were some squat little plants with ungainly, fat leaves…but they were kinda pretty in their own way: the stupid little leaves fanned out like petals, and they came in purple or a greeny-blue. Above those, he was pretty sure he recognized aloe stalks. Then there were a series of lethal- and ugly-looking things—the sort of things Shikamaru was positive would end up impaling him if he dared to present them to Temari. Spiky barbs, serrated leaves, deceptively plushy-looking fluff guaranteed to needle under the skin… There was nothing even remotely attractive about them….

“Helloooo? Shikamaru?” Ino flicked his ear. “Don’t ignore me when I’m trying to save your ass! What are your plans for Temari??”

“Oh,” he jerked his head up to face her. “Uhh…”

Her hands were on her hips, and he’d learned long ago that was never a good sign.

Laughing nervously, he rose. “Heh, I was kinda, ya know, hoping you’d help with that, too, Ino....”

Exasperated, she groaned. “Ugh, remind me to kill you later.”

Waving his hands in placation, he tried, “But you’re so good at this sort of thing!”

She got that creepy feline grin on her face again—the one that meant she saw through his lame ploy, the one that meant she was plotting—and gave him a wink.

“Fine, I’ll bide my time,” she conceded with an innocent smile. “But watch your back, ‘kay?”

Shikamaru shrugged and rubbed at his neck. He’d worry about her vengeance after he solved the birthday equation.

“Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Temari told me not to make a big deal out of it, but I figure I can’t do nothing.”

“Damn straight, Shikamaru.” Ino nodded sagely. “Damn. Straight.”

“So I was thinking just a simple dinner with the usual group…?”

“That’s perfect!” she squealed.

Shikamaru sighed, grateful for Ino’s stamp of approval.

“Casual and low pressure, but it shows that you thought about it and planned ahead. Well...,” Ino paused to throw him a glare, “that you should have planned ahead—but whatever!”

Ino turned on her heel, clearly satisfied with the intel she’d gleaned.

“W-wait! Ino!” Shikamaru had never sounded so desperate in his life. “Hey, c’mon! Don’t leave me with the plants!”

“Oh, calm down,” she smirked from over her shoulder. “Look them over, read the little descriptions, and just choose one you think she’d like! But actually read the tags, Shikamaru. ‘Cause some flowers have special meanings…and some species are poisonous!”

“Poisonous??”

He gaped at her.

Ino giggled at his appalled expression. She was enjoying his pain. So much.

She’d started out the night as his second favorite blonde…but Naruto had just made the leap up to silver.

“You’re a ninja, you can handle a few thorns! …And it’s not like the poisonous ones are fatal or anything.” With that, she was off, sliding open the screen and skipping through the rows and rows of flowers. “Oh, Chooooji!” she sang for the whole shop to hear. “We’re going to make Shikamaru look real good for his girlfriend! You’re in charge of the dinner reservations, and Sai and I will call everyone to get them on board.” She clapped her hands together like she’d never been so delighted in her life.

“How about that place with the little courtyard in the back? Best barbecue pork in town, great for a party!” he heard Choji offer.

Were they inviting all of Konoha to this thing, or were they just aiming for death by embarrassment?

“Oh, perfect! You’re their best customer, they’d totally pull some last-minute strings for you!”

Shikamaru could almost hear her bouncing in excitement. So maybe she was still his second favorite blonde, but did she have to be so loud?

“Shikamaru,” she called on cue, “we’re off to go plan your girlfriend’s party! Just leave the cash on the counter once you decide, my mom will be down in a bit to close up!”

Shikamaru grimaced as the door slammed. Choji wouldn’t let him down, and Ino was undoubtedly his savior…but he didn’t know a damn thing about plants. He didn’t want to know a damn thing about plants. Griping to himself, he knelt before the green things, cautiously shifting a few pots out of the way to see the full assortment, …waiting for a scorpion or something to lunge at him.

“Pick a plant, pick a plant…,” he droned miserably to himself.

Something not-hideous at the back caught his eye. As he reached toward it, the mesh of his sleeve dragged against some spikes. Glancing down at the culprit, he realized it was a furious-looking—yet somehow beautiful—cactus. Complete with a single, white bloom of multilayered petals, it looked rather like someone had glued a lotus to some wild desert thing. The more he looked at it, the wider his grin grew. It was just like Temari—as gorgeous as it was troublesome—and it was like it had chosen him! As he tried to disentangle himself without catching the spines of any other friendly Suna flora, he knocked over the small ‘Hanakotoba’ card in front of it.

My bad, Yamanakas. Like he was going to risk life and limb to pick up a scrap of paper!

But as he rotated his arm to dislodge the thorns from his shirt, he nicked his wrist.

“Damn,” he muttered, finally succeeding in freeing himself. It wasn’t a grumble this time: “Oh, shit!” Is this one of the poisonous ones?!

He extracted the cactus from the deathtrap of a display and snatched up the description tag staked near its base, frantically scanning for the mention of ‘poisonous’ or ‘toxic.’ Thankfully, it just said ‘See reverse for Hanakotoba Symbolism: Saboten’ and listed the care and lighting instructions. Relieved, he backed away with his hard-fought prize.

“’Symbolism’?” he scoffed, tucking the tag back into the pot. “Pffft. Like Temari cares about that!”

Mission completed, he marched triumphantly to the cash register, slammed the appropriate bills down on the counter, tore off several feet too many of red cellophane wrapping, and vowed never to set foot in the “Suna Section!!” again. 

Temari was all the desert he needed.

–

Temari’s birthday evening was off to a solid start. She’d arrived safely and seemed genuinely pleased with the dinner party idea.

“So you do pay attention every now and then, huh?” she’d purred, smirking at him. Then her lips had softened. More quietly, she’d said, “It’s just what I wanted. A nice evening with my friends and my idiot boyfriend.” She’d kissed his cheek then.

Blood rushed to his face, pride swelled up in his chest: he hadn’t let her down.

Not yet, at least.

But as he went down the ‘gentleman boyfriend checklist’—a set of rules Ino had long ago hammered into her male teammates’ heads—things seemed to keep going smoothly.

They’d parted ways so she could settle in and clean up after her long trek. He’d meticulously mummified her present in that red florist wrap. And he’d done it in a way that would preserve the flower at the top, protect the recipient from the spines, and lead to easy unveiling. Then he’d shown up on time and remembered to bring the stupid plant, just like Ino had instructed. He was actually feeling pretty proud of himself….

And when she exited her hotel, he’d managed to compliment her with a straight face—no fumbling for words or blushing or inappropriate glances!

“You look amazing, Temari.”

It had been no easy feat, however. Seeing her there in the soft glow of the streetlamps… She’d gotten all dolled up in a jade sundress, simple but stunning against her eyes and sun-kissed skin, clinging to the perfect hourglass of her body.

“And you clean up pretty nice yourself, kid,” she retorted, clearly hoping the jab to his sternum would distract him from her rosy cheeks.

It didn’t.

“Glad you didn’t wear a tie, though, or I’d be underdressed!”

Her dark eyes spotted the bright package resting in the crook of his elbow. She quirked an eyebrow and couldn’t quite keep that half-smile of hers from surfacing.

Her voice dripped of sarcasm as she pointed at it: “Should I be scared?”

“Yes,” he said smugly before offering her his arm, like a gentleman.

Hand in hand, they started off for the restaurant. For once in his life, he stood up straight, rolling his usually-slouched shoulders back. He was escorting a bombshell to dinner, so he should at least try to look the part, right?

Halfway to the restaurant, the wind picked up. Shikamaru mentally crossed ‘chivalry’ off his checklist and shrugged off his blazer to drape over her shoulders. She blushed prettily up at him with a sweet smile on her lips.

Keep it up, Shikamaru, he told himself, grinning down at her, and you might just live to see tomorrow!

At last, that lingering sense of dread was fading, and contentment rose to take its place: if there was something he hadn’t thought of, he was sure Ino and Choji had.

When they walked through the courtyard gate, they were greeted with woops and calls of Happy birthday! Temari squeezed his hand and beamed up at him.

Ino rushed over, towing Sai along by the hand, and kissed Temari on both cheeks. “Happy birthday, Temari! You look beautiful—teal is definitely your color.” Not waiting for a response, she snatched the birthday cactus, wrapped shiny and red, from Shikamaru’s hands and transferred it to Sai, who accepted it with a pleasant smile. “We’ll put this with the others. Now, come on and get something to eat!”

“Okay?” was all Temari had time to manage as Ino dragged her off.

As he and Sai followed Ino under the string lanterns, Shikamaru noted his team’s handiwork.

Choji had been right to choose this venue; it was perfect for a private party: the stars were shining, the moon was bright in the sky, the spread was mouthwatering, the barbecue tables allowed for easy mingling and warmed the cool night air. And the turnout was impeccable, considering the literal last minute notice of it all. Everyonewas there. Then again, he knew better than most just how difficult it was to refuse Ino. No doubt, she had personally corralled any stragglers.

“Shall we get a beer, genius?” Sai offered mildly, placing the cactus with the other gifts.

“Beer?” Shikamaru questioned and followed along. He was no longer fazed by Sai’s odd nicknames, but beer piqued his interest. Temari won’t mind, right? Nobody will go too crazy, …right?

On cue, Kiba and Choji appeared, frothing cups in hand, and regaled him with the tale of their labors:

Like mushers with a sled dog, they’d actually strapped a keg of beer to Akamaru, transformed it to look like a crate of sparkling cider, and casually hauled it through the streets. Clever, convenient, and a party trick in itself—Shikamaru approved, giving them sequential high-fives before raising a glass to his girl across the courtyard.

Ino had led her to a yakitori table, and she was immediately surrounded by some of the world’s finest kunoichis. Hinata and Sakura brought over the grilling meat, Karui—who must have been in town for the conference, too—took care of the veggies, and Tenten delivered the all-important beer. Assorted plates of barbecue fodder and plastic cups before them, they were more than prepared to catch up, drink up, and chow down.

Over the foam of his beer, he couldn’t help but appreciate how she was swimming in the blazer he’d draped over her shoulders.

She gave him a little wave, and that was all the permission he needed to take a hefty swig. Kiba and Choji were the true geniuses, he decided. But it wasn’t just Team 10 and Kiba’s keg: despite the last-second notice, everyone had gone all out for his girl. Thanks to them, this was going better than he could have hoped.

As Temari was chatting with her girlfriends, Shikamaru walked with the beer smugglers towards the central fire pit, where Naruto, Shino, and Lee had set up camp.

“Shikamaru, Sai,” Choji sniggered, pausing before they got into earshot of the others, beckoning them closer conspiratorially. “So we’ve got this thing going.”

“Oooh, I forgot!” Kiba butted in, barking out a laugh. “It’s brilliant.”

“We’re calling it ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game.’”

It was Shikamaru’s turn to snicker. Oh, this was going to be good.

“So every time Naruto says something about Hinata or being married or in love or whatever,” Kiba explained, “you have to take a swig.”

“I like games,” Sai agreed happily.

“Everytime,” Kiba emphasized seriously. “Them’s the rules.”

Any idiot could see this was going to go sideways and fast, but Shikamaru just shook his head and let a stupid grin fall on his face.

–

And sure enough, they all would’ve gotten hammered off Naruto’s marital bliss…if Sai hadn’t eventually asked why Naruto himself wasn’t drinking every time the blonde started mooning over his wife. But as it stood, they were all pleasantly buzzed. Naruto—who was somehow closer to plastered than those actually playing the drinking game—had almost fallen out of his cushioned patio chair when Sai had burst the bubble. Lee had a proposed a toast to “YOOOOUTH…ful love!” and even Shino had chuckled behind his turtleneck.

I’ll have to thank Sai later, Shikamaru thought, chuckling to himself. Could’ve gotten troublesome otherwise.

From there, Shikamaru was content to slowly sip his drink and just enjoy the company. He could see Temari was enjoying herself, she didn’t need him attached to her hip. So he watched the evening play out from his overstuffed armchair, foot occasionally tapping to the summery, chill tunes Lee had put on. Lee, he noted, had really good taste in music.

Two beers later, the mountain of barbecue fare had diminished, the groups had dispersed and mixed, Tenten had changed her camera’s memory card at least twice, and everyone had paid their respects to the guest of honor.

By the time Naruto brought him another sudsy cup, Shikamaru looked up to find his girl standing before him, hands on hips, an eyebrow arched expectantly.

“Didn’t save the birthday girl a seat, huh?” she teased, a faint alcohol flush on her cheeks.

He grinned and patted his thigh. “There’s room for both of us.”

Her mouth fell open.

Oh, shit.

He’d just said that. Out loud. This blew right by simply putting his foot in his mouth! No, she was going to put his foot in his mouth! “Tema, I—“

His jacket flew from her shoulders and hit him square in the face.

Someone gasped from behind him.

‘Liquid courage’? More like ‘liquid stupid’ in my hands!

A punch was sure to follow. He braced for impact.

I should have known I’d find a way to screw up tonight—it was going too perfectly!

A second went by, then another, …but nothing happened. All the warning he had was a sweet smell on the crisp air, and then he felt the weight of something warm and toned on his lap.

Wait, really?!

Stunned out of terror, he yanked the blazer off his head, and, sure enough, there she was. Arms and legs crossed, lips pursed, and blushing like mad—but she was perched on his knee.

A few Awww’s rang out from around them.

It must have been the liquid stupid or maybe their friends’ encouragement, but he decided to push his luck a little further. Flinging his coat out like a matador’s muleta, he let it fall over her legs—he was nowhere near drunk enough to risk revealing a wardrobe malfunction—and he pulled her up into him.

She let out an indignant yelp and flailed in momentary surprise…but she stayed put.

“Idiot,” she grumbled, fidgeting with his blazer blanket.

Yet she rotated in his arms to cuddle into his chest, tucking her legs up under his coat.

“Maybe, but I’m your idiot,” he laughed, tightening his arm around her bare shoulder. Apparently, beer turned him stupid…and really sappy. He was better off changing the subject. “You having fun?”

“Mhhmm.” She nodded against his shirt.

“Good.”

Basking in the glory of success, he ran his hand up and down her bare arm, keeping the chill off, and looked up to the cloudless night. Sitting there with his girl, fighting off a contented yawn, he realized he could get used to this. Maybe ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game’ was catching up to him in more ways than one….

A touch on his chest drew him back to the present.

“Shikamaru,” Temari murmured, tugging shyly at his dress shirt, “This is perfect. Thank you.”

Was she pulling at his shirt or his damn heart?? He could practically see it in her little hands! …And he knew he wasn’t getting it back.

Damn it, why am I so lame tonight??

Smiling despite himself, Shikamaru did the only thing he could: he tilted her chin up, thumb running along her jaw, holding her eyes for just a moment, …and stole a quick kiss.

Woops and catcalls and flashes exploded from all around them. 

The hell? he thought, startled out of their kiss. 

Temari almost jumped out of her skin when she looked up to see Tenten clicking away on her camera just a few feet away, but Shikamaru only grinned and hauled his girl into place for the picture. He was too damn happy to bother with the awkward, even when he realized all of them must have been watching his every move with Temari, ninjas lying in wait…. He chuckled and released his favorite blonde, who launched herself at Tenten to threaten her into handing over the camera.

“Teten, I swear I’ll—!”

Ino, socialite extraordinaire, stepped out of Sai’s arm to diffuse the situation.

“Presents!” she proclaimed loudly. Since Temari was conveniently already in the center of the party, she added, “Temari, stay right there!”

Ino’s order seemed to have startled the blushing birthday girl into obedience.

“You have to open Shikamaru’s last. Actually, open ours”—with a wink, Ino thumbed at Sai, who waved amiably—“after Shika’s! But the rest can go in any order.”

Tenten took advantage of her proximity. “Me first!” Beaming, she held up her camera. “My gift will be the prints, of course! Temari, they’re so cute, I swear!”

Tenten’s announcement was met with Aww’s…and few knowing smirks. She’d already captured some solid gold, and she was bound to get some more, if Kiba had anything to say about it.

Reluctantly, Temari acquiesced with a shrug, …one corner of her mouth barely rising. “Fine, fine. But for my eyes only.”

Next up was Shino, who emerged…from somewhere…to stand before Temari. He extended a small box.

Shit, it’s probably a live scorpion or something! 

Shikamaru leapt from his patio chair, preparing to weave a Shadow Possession and intercept the container. He wasn’t about to let Shino ruin her night with some creepy-crawly thing!

But Temari’s dark eyes glimmered with interest, and she shucked off the brown paper wrapping before Shikamaru could act.

Damn it, too late!

But to his surprise, she gave Shino a broad smile.

“Antheraea yamamai,” he declared proudly, erudite.

The evening crickets chirped their entomological approval…but no one else made a peep.

“Shino, c’mon, man!” Naruto whined good-naturedly, arm looped around Hinata. “Translate!”

“A silk moth,” he sniffed, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. “It perished naturally, so there is no harm in appreciating its beauty behind glass.”

It was then Shikamaru realized that his desert girl wouldn’t have been fazed by a damn scorpion—or any other of Shino’s insects, probably—in the slightest. He rubbed the back of his neck and tried feebly to make like he’d lurched up for some reason other than saving Temari…from a bug.

“It’s lovely, Shino,” Temari said, holding up glass-top box for everyone to see her moth’s impressive wingspan. “Thank you.”

Sitting back down, Shikamaru had to admit it was pretty classy gift. Maybe I’ll go to Shino for next year….

From there, Kiba and Choji took credit for the ‘Konoha hospitality’—the keg—and Choji dragged Karui out by the hand.

“She made a chocolate cake for everyone! Trust me, you’re gonna love it. Sooo let’s hurry up with the presents, guys!”

“Yeah, his ‘taste test’ left me just enough batter for the cake!” Karui grinned and poked her boyfriend in the stomach.

Hinata rose to offer Temari a book on Konoha’s history and customs, stating with a smile, “From Naruto and me. Since, umm, your work brings you here so often, we hope Konoha becomes your home away from home.”

“’Home away from home,’ huh...?” Temari flipped through it with a sly smirk. “Thanks, Uzumakis.”

Shikamaru felt like he was missing something, but he wasn’t about that troublesome life.

“You’re already wearing my gift!” Sakura yelled from her post near Akamaru, sending over a wolf-whistle.

So that’s where she got the dress. If Shikamaru had been wearing a hat, he would’ve tipped it to Sakura; he made do with a grateful nod. Might have to send a thank-you note for the first and only time in my life…. He smirked.

“My gift will compliment Sakura’s!” Lee shouted with a thumbs-up, tossing her a small package. “What luck!”

A moment later, Temari held up a pair...of violet legwarmers. 

Somehow, she managed to keep a straight face—even as Lee lifted his pant leg in a wild kick to demonstrate just how versatile a garment legwarmers were—and thanked him, placing them with the rest of her bounty.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, had to pretend he’d choked on a nonexistent bite of beef. Tenten gave him a solid thwack on the back, but the reproachful look on her face told him she wasn’t particularly concerned about food being lodged in his throat.... 

But he's wearing legwarmers under slacks, Tenten! Shikamaru pled silently. 

Temari’s words, however, dissipated Tenten’s glare.

“Everyone, thank you.” Temari was looking down, suddenly shy again. “I’m really… I’m feeling the Konoha Hospitality, I guess!”

His girl looked so happy, just in time to unveil the cactus.

Choji was closest to the bench where Sai had left it. “I got it, Shikamaru,” he said and set it on the yakitori table nearest the birthday girl.

Temari raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, fiddling with the note he’d slipped between the twine, but he just shrugged with a grin. She seemed so pleased with the rest of the night, it probably didn’t matter if his stupid plant didn’t wow her like Shino’s moth had.

“Read the card!” Naruto shouted, another beer in hand.

Shit.

He’d forgotten about that. And how was Naruto still observant with all the alcohol he’d knocked back?

“Uh, maybe not?” Shikamaru tried sheepishly.

Ino had told him to, but nobody else had gotten her a card. On top of that, she’d told him it would be ‘so, so, sooo cute’ to use a ‘term of endearment’ in it. Shikamaru grimaced. He hadn’t exactly planned on everyone hearing it...but maybe it wasn’t a big deal. They were at that point in their relationship, right? It wasn’t weird to call her a petname after a few months, right??

“Read iiiiiit!” Naruto bellowed.

“Alright, alright,” Temari laughed, either not hearing or simply ignoring Shikamaru. “Pipe down, blondie!” She cleared her throat and opened the simple Nara stationary. “’Happy birthday, babe!’” she quoted, smirking around babe. “’I’m a lucky man to have you in my life.’”

Hoots and Awwww’s echoed through the assembled ninja. A peach flush coloring her high cheekbones, his girl blew him a kiss with a wink. Lee clapped him on the back and sparkled a thumbs-up at him.

Shikamaru definitely hadn’t imagined Babe trying out her new petname…on herself—his ears were still burning to prove it—but he nodded in calculated appreciation:

Temari and the girls approved, and the guys were having fun with it. At his expense, sure, but fun nonetheless. He let out a sigh. Even if her brothers couldn’t be there, even if she was in town for work, even if he’d put it all off until the last possible moment… Temari was laughing and surrounded by friends. Was it too early to call the night a success?

Well played, Shikamaru. Best boyfriend ever, he congratulated himself with another satisfied nod and a swig of beer. “Careful unwrapping it, babe!” he called, letting out a smug chuckle after babe. He liked the sound of it.

She untied the twine holding the florist wrap together, peeled back the ruby plastic he’d so carefully arranged to spare her skin, and revealed the pretty plant he’d picked out just for her.

He swished his beer and waited for the sort of reactions all the other gifts had gotten.

But there were no girlish giggles, no excited coos. Even the legwarmers had gotten a warm reception, …but his plant couldn’t even get a cricket chirp?

And Temari… She was just staring down at the cactus, ominous in her silence. Her bangs were hiding her eyes; he couldn’t see her face.

Doesn’t she like it? he wondered nervously.

Then, all at once, static surprise gave way to dynamic reaction: Hinata fainted against Naruto with a squeak, her face beet-red. Sakura’s mouth fell open, and a The hell? slipped out. Karui was alternating between coughing up the drink she’d just inhaled…and snickering as Choji patted her back.

“Hina!” Naruto wailed, cradling his passed-out wife.

What’s happening?! Why are the girls freaking out, and why are they looking at the plant like that?? Shikamaru’s eyes narrowed as he tried to puzzle it out through the alcohol haze. Temari’s skin was turning pink! Oh, no! Was it poisonous?! He sprang up, ready to slap the offending thing out of her hands. No, wait. I would have felt it earlier, and I checked the tag!

“Tem…ari?” he tried, no hint of smugness left in his voice. Sweat was pooling between his shoulder blades.

Temari didn’t respond, still gaping down at the prickly plant.

Where the hell had Ino gone?? She’d know what was happening, and she’d tell him!

By then, Kiba had eagerly sidled up to a cherry-red Sakura for an explanation. Shouldering his wife’s limp form, Naruto hurried to follow suit.

To his left, Tenten was pink in the ears, trying and failing to stifle her giggles with her hand while Lee begged her for enlightenment.  

As he tried to shake the truth out of his teammate, Lee voiced what every male in the place was wondering: “What!”—shake—“Is!”—shake—“Happening!” Shake.

The brunette only laughed harder.

Damn it! What is it?!

Sakura, however, finally found the words to describe the indescribable. Once the breathless secret left her sniggering lips and hit their eager ears, Kiba howled, a wolf at the moon, and Naruto boomed a guffaw, nearly losing his grip on Hinata.

What? No! It was a thoughtful gift—even Ino said so!!

He felt panic welling up in the pit of his stomach as his fingers dug into the wood of the nearest table.

What. The. Hell. Everything was perfect until the girls saw the stupid cactus!

Akamaru joined Naruto and Kiba’s barks of amusement.

Et tu, Akamaru? he thought dismally.

Without a word, a glance, or a discernable emotion, …Temari grabbed the nearest beer and sank it, downing it in one go.

Oh, no.

He didn’t need to be a ninja to sense the danger in the air.

Though on opposing sides of the courtyard, Sakura and Karui gave into fits of uncontrollable mirth at the same time, well past words.

Damn it, no help there. This is bad. This is so bad!

He turned to Choji, who—judging by the tears streaming down his face—had clearly been filled in by his girlfriend. …Yet all Choji could manage was to mouth Dude! through hoots.

Some ‘best friend’ you are!

Shikamaru gritted his teeth, nerves eating away at his composure.

“Guys, come on,” he begged.

At his pitiful plea, Kiba fell to the ground, gasping and rolling in delight. Naruto, on the other hand, retained just enough self-control to recline his fainted wife safely against Akamaru…before he completely lost it and doubled over with Kiba.

“Shika—haha! …Shikamaru!” Kiba rasped out from the grass. “You-you—haha!”

Spit it out, man, jeez!

Since breathing was too much for Kiba and Naruto, Shikamaru turned to Shino, who only shook his head and shrugged, sunglasses glinting in the lantern light. Beyond desperate now, Shikamaru turned to Sai, who just smiled placidly, happy to see his friends enjoying a joke…even if it flew miles above his head.

Temari’s hands clenched into tight little fists of rage, snapping the emptied plastic cup in half.

What did I do?!

“Beautiful!” Sai cheerfully announced Ino’s return, pulling out her chair.

Shikamaru did a full 360 and finally found the person who could clue him in. Lips freshly glossed, she must have just come back from the bathroom inside.

As Ino’s blue eyes scanned the scene, all she could manage was: “What…the hell?”

“Ino—somebody—please just tell me what I did!” Shikamaru shouted, nearing his wit’s end. But his request only sent a fresh wave of hysterics through the party.

At last, Ino was by his side, yanking him to her by the ear. “Shikamaru!” she screeched in a pitch high enough to shatter both eardrums and glass. “I told you to read the descriptions on the plants, you idiot!” she hissed through clenched, white teeth.

“But it’s not poisonous, I checked!” Shikamaru defended weakly.

At that moment, another woman recovered her verbal faculties.

It was Temari, growling low and fearsome: “Shikamaru…”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

“Hanakotoba, moron! I told you some flowers have special meanings!” Ino ground out mournfully. “It says it right there on the tag.”

“Says what?!” Shikamaru demanded in a moan, drowning in trepidation.

He heard a sudden clickclickclick and dimly realized Tenten had recovered enough to start snapping photos through the giggles, forever preserving his abject horror. To her side, Lee’s complexion had changed to match the green of his dress shirt, clearly informed and clearly scandalized.

“It’s a plant! What the hell can it ‘say’ that’s so terrible?!”

It was then that Sakura regained the ability to string together a sentence: “Shikamaru, you-you gave her a—!”

Kiba’s snort from the ground, however, cut her off and sent her stumbling back into giggles.

So Kiba took it upon himself to fill in the blank, a roar of rapturous merriment:

“A sex cactus!” He choked on another howl of laughter, eyes tearing up in sheer joy, unable to believe the words as they left his mouth. “Y-you gave her a fucking sex cactus, man!” he wheezed.

Convulsions took him once more, his fists beating the blameless grass flat.

“The fuck?” Shikamaru breathed, brain backflipping in despair.

Someone must have spiked the beer, he was tripping. That was the only explanation for what he’d just witnessed.

“Damn it, Shikamaru!” Naruto yowled before joining Kiba in breathless grass-slapping. “At her birthday party, too?! She’s…she’s going to end you, bro!”

Shikamaru couldn’t take it anymore. High or not, this obviously wasn’t something he was capable of decoding! He lunged at Ino, hands grasping her shoulders like a lifeline.

“Ino, please!”

She shook her head sorrowfully. “Saboten, flowering cacti, are given as sexual gestures! Like, with that”—pointing with one hand, she squished up his cheeks in the other to wrench his head back toward Temari…and the obscene cactus—“you’re telling Temari—and anyone here with eyes and half a brain!—that you want her.”

“Whuh? Nwoh!” Even with Ino’s fingers distorting his words, he could hear the shrill of panic in them.

Ino released his face to massage her brow, wholly disappointed in his stupidity.

No longer obstructed, his voice was no less hysterical: “But that’s not a thing! How can that be a thing if only girls know about it?!”

Another reverberation of laughter.

Ino just groaned and face-palmed.

Shikamaru dared to glance back at Temari’s face, imploring. “Tema… I… I…!”

He couldn’t make the words happen. What could he say to erase a screw-up of these proportions?! They’d only been together for a few months—a few long-distance months! They hadn’t had the chance to get anywhere close to sex—they hadn’t even made out yet! Tonight had been the most physical they’d ever been!!

And I just propositioned her…for birthday sex…with a cactus…in front of half the village?!

His fingers rose to rake at his scalp, eyes widening in true realization.

“Oh,” Temari began darkly, taking a predatory step toward him, fingers tightening around the rim of the vulgar cactus’s pot, “it’s a thing, babe.”

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

Oh no.

There was fury flaming in her eyes.

Oh no.

He felt his stomach fall through the earth’s crust: she picked up the indecent cactus.

Oh no!

He felt his stomach hit the earth’s core and combust: she was coming at him with the cactus.

OH NO.

This was it. He was a dead man. He was going to die a virgin…because his girlfriend was going to eviscerate him with a plant. A spiky, evil plant.

But then another thought hit him. A thought even more horrific than the obituary reading, ‘Cause of death: proposition by cactus’:

She’s going to break up with me—she’s never going to speak to me again!

Just then, Ino bravely flung herself between him and the wrath of his sex-cactus-wielding girlfriend.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, Temari! Your boyfriend’s just a moron and didn’t”—she turned to give him the full force of her glare—“read the damn tags like I told him to, so he had no idea! He just wanted to give you something pretty from Suna, you know, to be sweet. Since you had to spend your birthday away from home and all.”

Temari’s glower softened, but only slightly, the sex cactus still firmly in her grasp.

Laughing to herself, Ino continued in practiced sarcasm: “Of course, I figured he’d get you a tiny desert rose or a little echeveria. You know, something you could actually take with you after the conference.” She turned to scowl at Shikamaru again. “I mean, really. You expect her to take a cactus with her on the three-day hike back to Suna?”

Shikamaru moaned, the heat of shame was melting him into the grass. “Temari, I’m so so—“

Realizing she had accidentally fanned the flames, Ino cut him off: “I know! Why don’t you open your present from Sai and me? I can guarantee it’s better than Shikamaru’s.” She chirped out cheerfully, “Sai, darling!”

Sai materialized from the darkness, gift bag in hand, and smiled serenely.  

“Happy birthday, Temari!” he remarked and extended the bag, blissfully unaware of the murderous tension surrounding him.

Slightly stupefied, Temari lowered the x-rated cactus to the table at her side, and Shikamaru let out a quiet, shaky breath.

Ino, grab it while you can! He glanced frantically at his teammate, begging her to hear his thoughts, but she was focused on Temari.

Peering around Ino, he could see Temari raise an eyebrow.

As she accepted the proffered gift bag and parted the tissue paper, revulsion spread across her face. “Another one?!” She dropped the bag to the table with the rejected, dirty cactus in a heavy thud.

Ino, what the hell?!

“No, no…” Ino grinned, eyes twinkling gleefully back at Shikamaru. “You see, this isn’t traditional hanakotoba….”

Genius intellect or not, this was beyond Shikamaru’s understanding. How could he have foreseen any of this? All he knew was it was a miracle that he didn’t have a hundred new piercings to accent the ones in his ears. Hell, it was miraculous he still had a head on his shoulders! No... The true wonder was that Temari hadn’t shouted “We’re done!” and stormed off ages ago. He’d rather Temari skewer him with the stupid, debauched cactus and throw him on the yakitori….

Curiosity got the better of her, and Temari reached in. She slowly, gingerly retracted her hand, revealing something green and plant-y.

What is that thing?

Between Temari’s forefinger and thumb hung a frilled stalk of leaves…attached to a spiked, oblong fruit. She lifted her prize for all to see. 

Ire and mortification forgotten—perhaps replaced with utter confusion—his girl’s black-emerald eyes met Ino’s.

“And what, exactly, are you trying to say with a pineapple?”

The question was saturated in sarcasm, but Shikamaru detected the slightest hint of playfulness coloring Temari’s words. He felt his lifespan slowly extending, not even noticing as Ino attained the sweet vengeance she’d promised….

“Oh, it’s simple…. Don’t you see it?” Ino waved a dainty hand, only just able maintain her casual façade, brimming with barely suppressed anticipation. “It’s Shikamaru, of course!”

It took only a second for the joke to hit, before the outburst of obnoxious, tipsy titters echoed through the night. 

Ino nodded to herself, clearly satisfied with her delivery.

A fruit? Shikamaru thought dumbly, genius brain fogged with beer and total humiliation. She named a fruit after me?

“It-it’s perfect!” Naruto choked out from the lawn. He ripped up a handful of grass—dirt clods, roots, and all—and held it to Kiba’s head, miming...a ponytail.

Then a sidesplitting cackle rang out over the din. It was Shino, he’d finally cracked.

I am…a pineapple?

If Shikamaru had any blood left elsewhere in his circulatory system, it joined the rest in his face then.

Temari bit down on her lip, face twitching slightly. She closed one eye and slowly raised the fruit until it was perfectly parallel with her distraught boyfriend…and his pineapple-shaped head. Her teeth sunk in further. Her hand quaked, ...then her whole body.

Aliens had failed to kill Naruto, …yet Shikamaru was beginning to think the Child of Prophecy would laugh himself to death before the night was over.

“I chose a really green one, so it should be perfectly ripe by the time you have to head home,” Ino piped with yet another wink. “Figured a memento would keep you from missing him too much on the road!”

That was it. It finally happened. 

Temari laughed. 

And it wasn’t a snigger or a chuckle. Oh, no. It was a full-blown belly laugh. It bent her spine and sent the Shikafruit bouncing to the ground.

“Careful, you’re going to bruise him!” Choji roared, fueling the chorus of guffaws.

Shikamaru was too relieved to notice the embarrassment. Temari was laughing, and she couldn’t hate him if she was laughing! Hell, he’d answer to ‘Kiwi’ if that meant she’d forgive him! The corners of his lips started to turn upward.

From the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could see Lee was crying tears of youthful jubilation, and Hinata had finally awoken to Akamaru licking her face, blinking slowly.

About damn time for someone else to be the clueless one, he thought dimly.

Temari straightened halfway and wiped at her eyes, gasping out, “G-get over here, idiot!”

Shikamaru had already accepted that he had no retort, no defense. It was probably better to just get it over with, so he did as she commanded and loped over.

“Temari, I’m so sorry! I—“

She slapped him upside the head, latched onto his collar, yanked him close…and kissed him.

He had not seen that coming. He’d expected—at minimum—a bloody nose or Kamatari to join the party…. But this…

Just as he realized what was happening, just as his hands rose to cup her face, …she leaned back.

“No more plants,” she deadpanned under the catcalls, fingers tightening menacingly in his shirt, ocean-blue eyes glaring up into his.

“Never again,” he vowed in a murmur, trailing a set of knuckles down her flushed neck.

“Good!” she huffed, releasing him and swatting his hands off her skin. “Now hand me my pineapple.”

Finally, it was Shikamaru’s turn to laugh: “Yes, ma’am!”

Shaking his head, he stooped to retrieve his stand-in. Troublesome woman… he thought, placing it in her expectant hands.

He realized then that they were standing in the middle of the uproarious group—they were the literal center of attention—and he decided to give in to the liquid stupid just one more time.

“Alright,” he grumbled, face caught between a frown and a smirk, “you’re coming with me.” It’s not like I can get into any more trouble, right? I mean, I set the bar pretty damn high….

Before she knew what was happening, he had her scooped up in his arms, stupid pineapple and all. Careful to hold the hem of her dress in place, he carried his indignant girlfriend back to the abandoned armchair and sank into it.

Temari punched him in the shoulder but couldn’t keep a scowl in place…and collapsed into giggles.

“Okay, show’s over, folks! Someone cut the damn cake!” he announced, leaning one elbow against the armrest and finally allowing himself the solace of a nice face-palm. There was only so much humiliation a guy could take in one night, and he was never going to live this down—this was the stuff of legend around here!

Once she caught her breath, his girl scooted herself from his lap and up to the open armrest. Reclining against the backrest, she crossed her legs...and extended them to the opposite side, one foot dangling. 

Peeking out between his fingers, there was a mile and a half of leg stretched out before him….

NopeNopeNope! he chided. Look alive, idiot! You’re living on borrowed time as it is!

He jerked his chin up…and found her smiling wickedly down at him.

It was a devious purr: “Attaboy…”

Fear slapped his face the in the opposite direction, eyes wide and cheeks flaming.

ShitShitShit!

“Birthday girl needs some cake, I said!” he crowed to no one and everyone.

“Chill, Shikamaru,” Ino teased, already on the move. “We’re on it.”

Temari flicked his ear but draped her arm over his shoulders. “What am I going to do with you?”

Moping and mortified, Shikamaru’s right hand returned to shield his burning face, while his left slid around Temari’s waist.

Then—as if the heavens had decided to prove to Shikamaru he wasn’t the only one capable of humiliating himself that night!—Sai opened his mouth:

“Beautiful,” Sai inquired of the woman in charge of dessert, “when would you like a cactus? Perhaps there’s a hanakotoba book you c—”

“Oh, Sai…” Ino groaned, flushing crimson, and pulled his wrist.

Shikamaru allowed himself one snicker, but just one. He figured suffering through her stupid pineapple revenge had earned him that much.

“We’ll talk about this later, handsome,” Ino assured, kissing Sai’s palm. “Now let’s shut them up with sugar before some other calamity happens out here!”

Then, only a few steps closer to Karui and the cake, she grumbled, “Well, your odds are a hell of a lot better than Shikamaru’s are right now….”

“Okay!” Sai concurred agreeably.

Temari’s laughter vibrated through her body directly into his.

Yup, Shikamaru concluded, the universe definitely had it out for him….

As he tried to disappear into the cushions, he heard something interesting off to the side.    

“Hey, future hokage,” Sakura started, offering Naruto a hand off the ground. “Do you believe me now?”

The terrifying look in her seafoam eyes, the sarcasm in her voice—maybe the universe had moved on to another target, after all!

“Believe what, Sakura-chan?” Naruto squeaked out, one hand trapped in her vicelike grip, the other scratching nervously at his head.

“Wasn’t I just saying the Academy needs to teach cultural practices—like hanakotoba!—to all students, not just the future-kunoichis? Just think, we could have avoided this whole idiotic display…if”—her eyes blazed dangerously, her deathgrip tightened—“the curriculum were...corrected.”

Sheepishly, Shikamaru’s third favorite blonde gave the only response he could:

“You right.”

Against his better judgement, Shikamaru decided to run with Sakura’s reasoning, pivoting his head towards his girl with a smirk.

“See, Temari? It’s not my fa—“

Another slap upside the head cut him off. “Don’t even try, pineapple,” she scoffed.

Birthdays, women… They were all so troublesome.

...But maybe he liked a little trouble?

–

The Chunin Exams were planned, the conference was over, the sun was only just starting to rise…and Temari was standing at the village gate, about to depart for Suna.

“Guess you’re gonna tell the kazekage and Kankuro about your birthday, huh?” Shikamaru asked, hands stuffed in his pockets, absently kicking at a rock.

The days after her dinner party had gone by smoothly and without incident, but now that she was leaving….

“What, and start an international incident? Nah.” She winked. “They’re definitely getting a slice of Ino’s pineapple, though—don’t get too many of these babies in the desert!” Grinning wide, she patted the bottom of her overstuffed backpack. “Besides…” She lowered her voice, narrowed her eyes, “I’m sure they’ll hear all about your exploits soon enough on their own.” She shrugged theatrically. “Shame your present couldn’t travel, huh? Then I could’ve shown them how it all began….”

“Yeah, yeah…” Shikamaru pouted and scratched the back of his head, knowing he’d be catching shit for her birthday for the next decade or two. From Temari, from Konoha, from Suna… Hell, even from Kumo since Karui was there!

“Oh, don’t be such a baby! And speaking of my present... It better still be alive the next time I’m in town!” she snarked. “Anyways, I’ve got something to show you before I hit the road.”

She smiled that wicked smile of hers as the ascent of the morning sun cast a golden halo around her face. It made for a surreal combination….

“Tenten brought you the prints, didn’t she?” he groaned, throwing out an unimpressed hand. Why, Tenten, why?

“Sharp as ever.”

She withdrew a thick envelope from her weapons pouch and slapped the first two rectangles into his hand, one on top of the other.

“We don’t have time to go through all of them—whether you like it or not, we’re going to someday!—but these two are my favorites.”

Of course she’d organized them by favorites. No doubt, in order of how stupid he looked. Grudgingly, Shikamaru looked down. There was no point trying to avoid it, no matter how much he might have wished to forgo reliving his disgrace….

“First, we have the ‘Before.’ Like Tenten’s caption?”

Shikamaru had to smirk, he couldn’t help it. The ‘Before’ showed him grinning big with his arms wrapped securely around a pink and pouting Temari. Her tanned legs were tangled up in his blazer as she fought to escape his grip…and destroy the camera.

Beautiful, he thought, and deadly.

Underneath the photo, Tenten’s neat handwriting read:

‘Yeah, I’m the man.’

Shikamaru nodded in appreciation. He had to agree with Tenten’s assessment: he sure as hell looked the part. He slid an arm around Temari’s shoulders and leaned in to admire his handiwork. Even knowing what the next picture would show, he had to tease her: “Look what one little kiss did to you, you’re all flustered and sulky!”

Not even bothering to glare at him, she deadpanned: “You know you’re about to eat those words, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, sullen again. “I know….”

“Let’s take a look at the ‘Post-Cactus’ photo, shall we?”

Gleefully, she brought forth the monument to his eternal shame.

He wasn’t mentally prepared to look at the actual image yet, so his eyes fell on Tenten’s caption:

‘The Queen and her Pineapples’

Yup, he conceded, that sounds about right.

“So what do you think, Shikamaru?” she goaded, looking up at him so sweetly. “Personally, I think it might be Tenten’s magnum opus. I just don’t think she can top it!”

Oh, grow a pair, he scolded himself.

Grumbling and fighting off a blush, he finally looked at the image. They were in that armchair again but…

Whoa.

Temari looked like a goddess gracing a mortal with her presence. She was smiling triumphantly in the firelight, showing off her perfect teeth. Perched elegantly on the armrest, she had her long legs crossed demurely.…

Hello.

And he’d thought they’d looked good in the first photo! He was afraid she’d somehow catch him staring like a perv, so he tore his eyes away and finally faced the first jab to his ego. Temari had one hand proudly supporting that menace of a cactus in her lap. The second jab, of course, was dangling the damned pineapple above his hunched shoulder…for comparison. 

He sighed. She looked amazing…and then there was him.

He, a mere mortal, was slouched over, hiding his red face in his hand. Though only a grimace and a single eye were visible, it was more than clear he was glowering at his fruit look-alike.

He’d seen enough. He closed his eyes, shaking his head with a reluctant grin.

If I didn’t have that arm around her, I’d look one-hundred percent whipped…instead of, ya know, just ninety….

He reopened his eyes at the sound of Temari’s voice.

“I almost forgot. Tenten left a little note with the pictures,” Temari went on, voice noticeably softer.

Evidently, she’d decided she’d tortured him enough for one trip.

“Look, everyone signed it.”

She withdrew a slip of paper from the envelope and unfolded it for his eyes:

‘We’re all so sorry about the other night, Temari! We weren’t laughing at you, just at your boo! You guys are ~perfect~ together and all of us ship you so much!! Please don’t be mad. We love you. Come back soon.’

Smiling faintly, she carefully folded it up, slipped it in the envelope, and stowed it safely in her pouch.

Shikamaru rubbed her shoulder, unsure of what to say.

Even though they literally cackled at his misery…documented it in photos…and would never, ever let him forget it… He had the best friends around. 

And they’d become her friends, too.

Damn it, she’s turning me into such a sap!

As if on cue, it finally hit him:

There was no way all their friends just happened to have Temari’s birthday off! And the gifts they’d supposedly gotten or baked or whatever with one day’s notice…!

Ino and Choji… He shook his head with a grin. And probably Sakura, too.

They must have known he’d eventually get his act together and had just planned around it!

“Anyways,” Temari continued, “those two are for you to keep, but don’t worry: I have my own copies.” She snatched the pictures from his hand and slowly unzipped his vest. Slipping them into the mesh of his undershirt, she whispered, “Keep these close to your heart, babe.” She gave his chest a firm pat, clearly recalling how much she loved to torture him.

He was the least manly shade of magenta, he was sure of it. Troublesome woman…

Noting the sun’s position in the sky, she sighed, resigned, and looked away. “I have to get going.”

“Yeah, okay,” he frowned. 

One week was only enough to make him miss her. At least they’d both be in Suna at the same time next month.

“But before I go, I have a favor to ask, Shikamaru….”

Her voice had brightened, it sounded…dangerous. Her stormy-hued eyes were wide with contrived innocence, looking up at him so fondly.

Shikamaru stiffened. He knew the signs, he just didn’t know what was coming.

Temari leaned into him. Standing on pointed toes to reach his ear, as if to whisper sweet-nothings, she placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Kill my sex cactus,” she threatened in a honeyed coo, “and I’ll kill you.” With a firm pat on the cheek and a kiss on his lips, she turned on her heel. “Bye, boyfriend!”

As his hand rose to where hers had been, as he watched her stride off toward the desert, a chill ran down his spine. 

Damn, his girlfriend was scary.

Birthdays, man! So troublesome! ;)

🌵 Sooo this was my first time writing Temari or Shikamaru...or ShikaTema...ever! And fluff is new for me, since my default setting is dark and twisty…. I blame the sangria that 💯 fueled this marathon of a speedwrite. 🍷

🌵 I tried really hard to do them justice, and I hope this turned out okay!! If you liked it please let me know! ‘Cause that reblog / comment button is actually the “validate button.” ♥ Thank you for reading.

🌵 I hope to write a very NSFW continuation of this, also for Temari Week / Month. Let’s just say Shika manages not to kill the birthday sex cactus.... 🎂

🌵 Might continue this fic if there's interest! Beyond the smutty/fluffy Part II, mean. I do have several ideas! Might also be tempted into a possible SaiIno spinoff...?

🌵 Find my other fics on FF.net here; I write mainly SasuSaku + ItaSaku.

🍍 Shout out to @toondoon1010​, @angrypisces​, @thepiestperson for their support! Thanks, guys! ♥

–

XOXO

Endoh

🌵🍍🌵 UPDATE 11/16/18: NSFW SEQUEL COMING FOR SHIKAMARU WEEK 2019! 🌵🍍🌵

[jinhoex]

weird kid [ I ]

⌊college!au series⌋ Genre [Rating]: normal [G] 

Pairing: skater!Zelo x Reader Length: 3,4k Summary: They say the first time is something special but that is a lie. But all the other times after seem to become more important as the time flies by.

// weird kid masterlist [x] //

You heaved a breath as you moved the last box from the doorway into the dorm. Normally your father would have requested to help you with the heavy boxes but apparently he had so much work to do, he couldn’t come to say goodbye. Instead, your mum gave you this ugly looking card children get to their first day in preschool, written by your dad saying how sorry he was he couldn’t make it. Attached was a twenty dollar gift card for Starbucks. You didn’t even have a Starbucks on campus. You didn’t even like overpriced coffee that much.

Feeling the temperature rise while bringing in all your boxes into the room, you moved towards the window. A light breeze could be felt as you strode towards the closet where you already hung most of your clothing. The only few things to go were your plushies in the box beneath the bed and your study guides, the ones you purchased nearly a year ago as you decided to study at this particular college. Your desk was stood in front of the window with a few pictures on it. In the box next to the study guides were some you weren’t quite sure to display. One in particular stood out. It was you with Daehyun, smiling into the camera on a sunny day in Spain. A smile made its way across your lips as you were thinking about the time you spent with him. To your friends, you were the most liked couple. People would already talk about you two getting married and having kids in the near future. But reality was quite different from what others expected it to be. Your relationship, at least in the past few months, was filled with arguments, objects being thrown at eachother in a fight, sleeping on the couch or in different rooms - you even slept at a girlfriends house of yours because things went that bad. 

It wasn’t always like that though. When you first saw him, you remember his devastatingly good looks and a cocky smile that made everyone weak in the knees. It’d worked on you, your naivety playing to his favor when you’d met at a bar you were with your girls at to have a nice night out. You remember, a few months back, his name was the only thing that kept you sane, consuming every bit of innocence you’d ever contained. You’d fallen in love fast, the amount of attention you received was scary even.

For last three years he’d owned every single bit of you, and for these three years the both of you tore each other apart until nothing was left in the aftermath. He’d cheat on you for the last few months of you relationship and when you found out while walking in on him and his side chick, in your bedroom, it’d somehow become your fault. You’d forgive him for hurting you but threw it back in his face every time you argued. Deep down, you could forgive him so easily, even if he begged you to after you nearly wanted to end the relationship. He’d drink to kill the pressures that bubbled in his chest and you’d smash the bottles because he got too reckless when he was drunk. You’d hit on other guys when you were out, trying so hard to piss him off so he knew how it felt to be stabbed in the back. How it felt to see the love of your life give someone else the attention, the love you deserved. You felt betrayed, even though there were times after where he tried to make it up to you. He tried really hard. For the spawn of a month or two and when you found out about his nightly meeting with other women, you had enough. He knew how much the cheating hurt your heart and while trying to save your relationship, he ruined it in the process. Again. 

And you tried, multiple times, so hard to dump him and somehow he would pull you back in. Back into this self-destructive thing you had going on. It was like an endless cycle that broke you to pieces and he crushed those pieces under his boot to dust. It was one you managed to hide from your friend and oh so perfect family. Your parents fawned over you how perfect you were for each other while in the moment you came home you were shouting and ruining each other behind closed doors. 

You parents had no idea that he’d ruined any feelings of love you’d ever felt for him, you probably did the same to him you thought at the beginning. They didn’t know that toxic didn’t even come close to explaining how fucked up your relationship had been towards the end. You couldn’t even say who hurt the other one more. Was it him that just didn’t give a fuck about you feelings, or was it you that did the same for revenge. He was never faithful, never trusted you even though he was the one going constantly behind your back, but he could probably account several things you’d done wrong as well in your relationship. You were both young, you still were, had both made mistakes that would stick with you for a while, and at one point you’d thought maybe things would get better.Things would change as long as you went your own way. That’s what you wanted. To study alone, at a college your parents had to drive two hours to visit. You wouldn’t want them near you. At least not for the next few weeks, months. The same with your so called friends. After they heard Daehyun and you had broken up, nearly all of them stopped having contact with you after a few weeks. Not everyone though. You still had one or two real friends left but due to them studying at another university you couldn’t see each other often. But that didn’t really affect you. You would call each other on occasion, Skype when things got worse. Lisa was nearly the only friend that has been with you since the beginning. Becoming friends in kindergarten, you were inseparable to this day. She was there for you when things got worse with Daehyun. She told you this relationship you were having was unhealthy and would ruin you in the end. And girl was she right.

Daehyun hadn’t taken the breakup well. He would leave angry voicemails and messages on your phone for the next few months after your breakup. You would text him to stop and eventually he would. Next he would contact your friends and ask them how you were doing, if they would tell you he was sorry. He would leave roses on your doorstep whenever you came back home from work. And you'd step on them. Crunch them under your feet just the same ways he had done to your heart so many times before. You were so deeply hurt by this man and no flower in the world could ever make the things he’d done to you unhappen again or easy to forget and forgive. The anger faded a little bit every day until you finally packed your bags and moved away to college. Since then you hadn’t heard much of him. It has been five months since the breakup and you couldn’t say you were over him just now but you were slowly getting there. 

You put the picture of you and Daehyun into the box again, hiding it underneath the other stuff you took with you that had no deeper purpose. It was no use to mourn and regret because at the end of the day you could sleep at least. The night terrors you were haunted with when you were still with him were becoming less and less as the days passed by. You weren’t thinking about him constantly and that was a good thing. You started looking at other guys again. Started to enjoy life. You were convinced it would all get better.

You were ripped out of your thoughts as you heard the door creak open, a shuffle of boots on the floor made you turn around. The person in your doorway waved awkwardly towards you before speaking up with the most angelic smile you’ve seen in a long time. He had this kind and michivious smirk playing across his lips that would reel every woman in just by looking at it.

„Hi, I’m Hyunggu. You can call me Kino if you want to. I was just strolling by and noticed you were just as new as I am.  I’ve seen the boxes in the hallway.“ He pointed towards the hallway, the only difference now was that all the boxes he describes were maneuvered into your room by now. You couldn’t suppress a small smile. He was just so charming and innocent looking it made you giddy inside. „I just wanted to ask if you would like to come to this welcoming party tonight. It’s for the freshmen and nearly everyone on campus. They say it’s huge. You should come.“ He gave you the flyer he had held so fidgety in his hands the moment he stepped into your room. You scanned it over shortly before returning it to him. „I think I’ll pass. Too many people.“ His smile faded as you spoke these words and you immediately regretted saying them. You could have just said thank you and he would’ve left with an even bigger smile adoring his perfect face. You blinked a few times. He still stood in your doorframe after receiving a put down so openly. You furrowed your eyebrows together as he still wouldn’t move. He noticed your discomfort, his eyes widening as he let out a breath he was probably holding in for quite a while. „Oh sorry. I was just- I just thought we could go together. You know as mutual acquaintances. Since I don’t know anyone here and you were the only one that didn’t shoo me out immediately. I didn’t even think about coming this far…“   You were feeling bad for him by now. He was such a nice and kind man you couldn’t just say no and shoo him out of your dorm just like the others. He was just like you. He didn’t know anyone and was looking for a new friend. And you could need one yourself. Without thinking much you nodded, his face changing from discomfort to happiness even before you said anything. „Ok then, we’re going. I’m [Y/N] by the way.“ You stretched out your hand for him to shake but before you could process everything he hugged you tightly to his chest a little bit too friendly. He thanked you again closing the door behind him after walking into the hallway, you were now alone again. Walking towards your closet in the back of the room for the millionth time this say, you were looking for a fitting outfit for the night. If you were going in the first place you'd have to look great. As Kino picked you up you weren’t quite ready yet and decided to invite him into your messy dorm. Him taking a seat on your deskchair, you were doing the last touch ups on your make up. He was quite chatty from the beginning, not wanting awkward silence to fill the room, and told you a lot about his life, his family his ambitions. And as he was talking like a real life waterfall you imagined how this beautiful, talkative and kind man never got the chance of getting a real nice girlfriend. The ex of his he was talking about quickly became the topic of the night as you both were strolling across the campus. She was pretty and just like Daehyun charming and manipulative. She would want to change him from head to toe, form him into her own heartless marionette in front of everyones bare eyes and no one would confront the lovesick boy with his misery. In the end she’d break up with him and make him beg for her to take him back again somehow until one of his friends made the decision to shut her out of his life, for him. And he was thankful for that. Because just like your last relationship it wasn’t a healthy one. And to be honest, you were sorry for the boy in that button up dressshirt, striding beside you, his hands in his pockets and this everlasting smile on his face. He was a good one, you could tell. As you found yourself alone in the middle of the dance floor, between sweaty seniors and slutty dressed freshmen, you questioned yourself if he really was the person you thought he was. Why would he leave you like that all of a sudden? Was the kitchen too crowded to get two drinks for the both of you? Or did he get lost in one of the cleavages of the mentioned freshmen? You didn’t know. And you weren’t supposed to care. That boy didn’t owe you anything but to admit, it was still scary with that amount of people in one house, you didn’t even know a single person to talk to. Nonetheless you made your way towards the kitchen, deciding if Kino wasn’t going to bring you a drink soon, you’d get one yourself. Surprisingly you saw his form leaning on the kitchen counter, two beer in his hand as he was chatting along with someone you, not to your surprise, didn’t know. He must have made a friend you thought to yourself as you made your way over to him. He didn’t notice you at first so no wonder he was more than startled seeing you right beside him, grabbing your beer from his grip and smiling sweetly as you did so. „Ah [Y/N], I forgot! I’m so sorry. Here, your drink. I’d like to introduce you to someone. This is Jongup. We were just talking about you.“ „Talking about me?“ Kino nodded while Jongup started rubbing his neck sheepishly, a tattoo peeking through his sleeve as it was riding up his forearm. He was a pretty man, his face quite prominent and striking. A birthmark adorned his nose, which made him even more handsome. You noticed that he wasn’t that tall but you were still small in comparison to him. He was shorter than Kino but not a lot. All in all he was a rather attractive man you were glad Kino introduced you to. „Hi.“ Was the only thing Jongup could muster before he was interrupted by two other guys throwing their arms around his neck and waist, already tipsy looking, the one with disheveled dark hair and the other one was towering over Jongup, his hands on his shoulders. Only now could you make out his features in the dim lit room, his smile big, hair messy as if someone combed their hands through it and his ears adorned with a couple of earrings. He was dressed in some tight black ripped jeans, a colorful shirt underneath his oversized, but not so oversized for his body, denim jacket, whose sleeves were rolled up due to the heat in the room. And the moment you saw his eyes, you knew that man was trouble. There was a sparkle in his orbs you couldn’t tell was a good thing or a bad one. But nonetheless it was a pretty sparkle. The man himself was handsome, you had to give him that. And as you were staring at him so quietly, the man you were drooling over took a few steps towards you, a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he put one of his hands on the counter near you to support his weight. You blinked a few times, not recognizing his words as he tried to talk to none other than you. Embarrassed you asked him to repeat his question. He let out a giggle, quite boyish for his tall appearance. „I was asking for your name.“ „[Y/N].“ He nodded before taking a sip of his own drink he must have gotten himself when you were staring at him so absently. He took off his denim jacket and placed it, together with his earphones, onto the counter. „Junhong but all my friends call me Zelo.“ He mumbled in reply and you weren’t quite sure if that was your whole conversation due to the long silence between you two that followed while the music of the DJ was heard muffled in the other room. Kino already moved on to the first chick that caught his eye and you were almost sure you wouldn’t see him for the rest of the night again. To prove your point wrong, the man in front of you decided to ask you another question, so softly you couldn’t really understand what he was asking you. „You wanna go outside?“ You didn’t really know what moved you to mumble a faint ‚yes' as if the last bit of independence vanished but the only thing you were focusing on at this very moment were the broad shoulders of Junhong, leading you towards the exit, past all those drunk students into the chilly night. On the way out, you bumped into a few seniors, eyeing you hungrily before you felt the lightest of touch on your hand, feeling how fingers wrapped their way safely around your wrist to pull you towards its owners body. You noticed it was him. His eyes peering down at your form in an unreadable way. He pulled you along, your feet couldn’t really keep up with the long strides of his legs as if he wanted to leave the crowded party as fast as possible. Only outside did he halt to a stop. A few others were there as well, smoking cigarettes or something else you didn’t even want to know, looking towards the two of you before minding their own business again. The boy with the blonde messy hair turned towards you, breathing in sharply. „I’m really not a man for crowds.“ You understood. A lot of people could be scary at some point. You felt the same at first whenever Daehyun would bring you along to one of his friend's parties. You weren’t very great in finding new friends easily and getting in contact with a lot of different people, especially if they were his friends.    „Sorry if I scared you.“ But he did. Not because wanting to go outside, but with the way he touched your hand butterflies started erupting in you stomach like crazy, something you weren’t able to feel with anyone else but- „You didn’t.“ „Thank god. I wouldn’t want a pretty girl like you thinking I’m crazy. I was already planning our future together.“ He gave you a flirty wink and in return you both shared a laughter. And as if something clicked between the two of you, you were talking to each other. He was things you weren’t really interested in but he somehow made them sound endearing to you. He was funny, laughing to every sarcastic comment that slipped from your lips and you felt appreciated. Something you haven’t felt for a long time. He understood most of the things you were telling him, even if it wasn’t everything but he at least tried. And maybe it was that, or the alcohol, or maybe both that made you end up between his legs on the sidewalk of a dim lit street, his arms wrapped around your shoulders as you both stared up into the starry sky, pointing out what you were convinced of were constellations. And it didn’t surprise you that you two were still sitting like this while the sun was slowly rising, illuminating his face in a fresh morning glow. You can’t quite remember how you got home, Kino eventually found both of you sitting there, waking you up and shooing you to you dorms before your first lecture of the day would start, but you remembered the smile on his face, as if he was happy for you. Happy that your start wasn’t the worst after all. 

✒︎ hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter of this series! If you liked it pls leave a feedback & like. Next parts are coming up soon.

[sephys-hubby]

🎥 for stubbs, ☀️ for monokuma, 🛍 for cloud, and 📝🕰🥧✉️ for all/any of them you'd like! (sorry if this is too many, feel free to answer any youd like to!) (citrus-selfinserts)

Holy cow, you asked for so much! But thanks, I appreciate it, so no worries. But I'll have to put this under a read more now.

🎥 When and how did you get into your f/o’s source?

For good ol' Stubby boy the answer is just so silly, man. It started early in Sept this year. I just happened to walk into my brother's room right after he finished the game and he just happened to be at the main menu and I just happened to see the two player option. I wanted to pass the time since we were waiting for my other bro to show up bc we were gonna watch a movie very soon together so I basically told my bro "oh this game has co-op? Let's check it out real quick bc why not?" Next thing I know I'm having so much dumb fun and I'm already growing attached to this funny zombie and really wanted to see what would happen to him next in the story, lol. If I came in a minute or two later, my brother would have closed the game and probably never play it again and I would've never given it a shot.

☀️ What would you want to introduce your f/o to?

For Monokuma, I'd introduce him to my favorite band, Circus Contraption! They've got fantastic wacky/spooky songs that I'd think both of us would be able to enjoy together!

🛍 What kinds of things do you like to imagine you and your f/o doing together in this universe?

For Cloud I actually imagine him as my roommate so I imagine us just chilling out together at my house, doing fun stuff like watching videos/movies. Also playing video games, particularly ssbu and dissidia nt since there's teammates in that game. (Additionally I imagine him getting all annoyed when Sephiroth and I act all lovey dovey together, lol).

📝 Does your s/i’s presence in the source change your f/o’s story, and if so, how?

For Cloud, not really. So my self insert was with Cloud in shinra together as infantrymen during crisis core. During the main story, he's now a member of the turks and I basically wrote that he helped Cloud out secretly while still working for shinra. Other than that, without regarding Seph, the main story barely changes. (I also didn't have my self insert return Sephiroth's feelings for him just yet. In fact, he and Cloud never even put two and two together and figured out Sephiroth loved my self insert until around after advent children.) For the other two, I haven't wrote about my self insert being with them in their games, but I doubt their stories would change like crazy also.

🕰 How quickly did you become friends?

I'll be honest, for all of them, we became friends pretty quickly, lol. With Monokuma it happened very quickly after watching my bro finish the first dr game and after he bought me a plushie of him. With Cloud it happened less than a month after Seph made it into smash because I started playing the vii remake and yeah. I found him very relatable and awesome. With Stubbs, you already know based on my first answer. :)

🥧 How did your s/i meet your f/o?

Like I said with Cloud, I wrote that they were both in shinra together during the events of cc. It was at this time that they met and became close, being friends ever since despite Cloud's new distant personality after cc. With Monokuma, I unfortunately am no expert on dr's story and haven't written in my self insert, but I am at least very familiar with the main events of the first game so I just like to imagine that my self insert would be the only person in the school to find him funny/cute, and we'd bond over that I guess idk, lol (all the other students would prob hate me lmao). With Stubbs, I'm actually working on a comic right now on how I brought him into our house, and it should be pretty funny. At least I hope so, but we'll see once I finish it. :P

✉️ If you could say one thing to your f/o what would it be?

I have only one thing to say to Stubbs: "Your necktie isn't ugly. It's awesome. 👍" (It's a running joke in the game that everyone finds his necktie ugly, lol).

Whew, I answered it all. It's a lot, so if you actually made it down here, I would like to thank you once again for the asks, man.

[moonlitalien]

Okay so, here’s my own tiny review (more like a rant lmao) of TLJ, don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie obviously!

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS BELOW

Because it’s a Star Wars movie, and because I’m a SW nerd, obviously, I HAD to see it on the first day, and I was so excited I barely even slept the night before. The thing is, in the end, I was oh so heavily disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, I love SW and obviously I will see episode 9. And even that crappy Han Solo sequel, probably. Disney knows exactly what they’re doing, and of all the people I’ve talked to who have been so disappointed by TLJ as well, 99% of them said the exact same thing as me: “I used to love the old trilogies, and the EU - therefore, I will see any upcoming SW movie, even if I know it’s gonna be bad”.

I think that sums up my opinion of SW as a whole ever since Disney bought Lucasfilms. I don’t like Rebels, I don’t like the new trilogy, I don’t like how stupidly childish, sweetened down and cheesy they are, but I’m a victim of my own initial love for SW, so... :’)

...My biggest issue with the entire movie is that it didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie at ALL. I spent the entire movie being like, “Who the fuck are you?? What the HELL is this? Where the hell are you going??!”

Nothing felt like SW. It was an outrageous insult to every single old fan of Star Wars - they made up new species, new planets, new characters, and as soon as Leia and Chewie die in (I suppose) the next episode, there will be nothing left of SW at all. It’s gonna be a cheap, childish universe that has nothing to do with Lucas’ SW. Going to a casino planet? Oh, better make it a NEW boring, ugly planet that felt like something out of MASS EFFECT instead of SW, instead of making everyone happy and making them go to Nar Shaddaa. Same for that dumb crystal planet at end - why not make them go to a new ~old Resistance base planet~ instead of oh, idk, Hoth or Yavin, AKA some REAL Resistance planets from the old trilogy?

And the worst part? I spent the ENTIRE casino arc (and the entire movie, in fact) staring at the background and the extras, and.. I couldn’t spot a SINGLE alien I knew. No Twi’lek, no Togruta, no Devaronian, no Pantoran, no Chiss, NOTHING. It was either a bunch of ugly humans in ugly costumes or some unknown cheap-looking alien species. I THINK I saw something that looked vaguely like a Dug at some point, but that’s... literally it. I was so sad and so fucking disappointed.

Now, for a list of pros and cons for the rest of the movie:

PROS: - The scene where Leia uses the Force to bring herself back into the ship was absolutely incredible and brought tears to my eyes. The visuals were beautiful, it was just... perfectly executed. - LOVED all of the Kylo/Rey scenes, I’m honestly biased because Daisy and Adam are some of my favorite actors, and they were absolutely incredible in their roles. The hand touch was just... beautiful. When Rey feels the rain and Kylo does too because of their Force bond... It gave me chills. It was beautiful and so sad.  - Rose was easily the best developed human character in the trilogy and I think that says a lot considering she’s been here since, well, the beginning of TLJ only. Also, she was beautiful and adorable and really badass. - The space battles. Incredible visuals again. The moment where Holdo drives the ship into hyperspace straight into the Imperial destroyer was just so beautiful. - Yoda’s Force ghost. So beautiful and so sad, and I was so happy that they used the same model that they used in the first trilogy. - Luke’s death. Not the ACTUAL death, which was super badly executed IMO, but the final scene where he becomes one with the Force, with his theme song playing in the background - it made me tear up. It was SO beautiful and so good. As Rey said, there was no sadness, he passed away feeling whole again. - The last scene with the little slave kid telling the other slave kids about the Resistance and the Force, and that tiny moment where he uses the Force to grab his broom, and the last scene where he looks at the sky, it gave me so many prequels/original trilogies feels. 

CONS: (oh boy) - The really terrible conclusion to all the Kylo/Rey scenes, where they decided to just... kill off Snoke and make Kylo the big villain. Broke my heart. Really terrible writing, so predictable, again a representation of how stupid Disney’s view of the Force is: everyone is either black or white, and if there’s a SINGLE doubt about their alignment, it WILL be made clear at some point that they’re either super evil or super nice. Kylo was nothing but a sad boy, I was heavily disappointed that Disney chose to make him kill Han, and SO happy when he decided not to kill his mother in TLJ. I was almost starting to believe he could get a redemption arc, but no, it would’ve been too complex and interesting for the kiddy audience obviously. - Luke’s... entire arc?? Entire character?? Disney absolutely destroyed and burned down everything about Luke and the entire movie was just a fucking fiasco because of this. They turned the loving, friendly, ever hopeful little boy into a bitter monster who, for a second, would have been ready to execute a CHILD, his own NEPHEW, in his sleep. Into a stupid Force user who, after witnessing what the Jedi and the Jedi code did to his father, turning him into the galaxy’s most hated man, STILL chose to keep using the Jedi code and to teach it to his students. Ridiculous, completely OOC. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Poe got. Hundreds of people died because of him, including Rose’s sister. It was so OOC and such terrible handling of his character, I’m honestly speechless. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Finn and Rose got...? What was the POINT of this entire arc since it led to absolutely nothing except more pain and suffering? Ridiculous. - WHERE. WERE. THE. ALIENS. Seriously, FUCK OFF DISNEY. I’m so tired of all these humans. SO TIRED. The galaxy is NOT MADE OF A MAJORITY OF HUMANS, FFS. The casino was full of humans, the Resistance was full of humans EXCEPT THREE characters that I spotted in the background on top of admiral Ackbar (who fucking died too??), and even Phasma was also a human. When her helmet shattered, oh boy, I had this faint hope that she would be a Chiss, but NOPE. ANOTHER HUMAN. - Those marketing-driven scenes with the ugly birds (’Porgs’) and the uwuwu cute crystal foxes uwu like lol, go ahead, just buy plushies and figures of them, that was the only purpose of their appearance in the movie anyway. - Leia’s lack of love and empathy for her son. Luke’s unshakable need to remind everyone he needs to murder Kylo for the greater good. It was so OOC for both of them and CAN DISNEY JUST GIVE KYLO A BREAK LMAO. They turned what could have been one of the most interesting twist on a kid falling to the Dark side into a ridiculous evil puppet. Also, Leia has ONE child, and she would never hate him. OOC as hell. Next. - That dude from the casino whose name I can’t even remember, who helped Finn and Rose with the Destroyer and etc. Who the fuck. What the fuck. I just?? Why?? What was the purpose of this ugly drunk hobo besides making me hate Finn and Rose’s arc even more lmfao??? AND WHY WAS HE HUMAN AGAIN PLS REMIND ME? - NONE of the theories/questions were answered. Who is Snoke? Don’t know, don’t care, boom he’s dead. Thanks Disney. Rey is so strong in the Force because she’s related to Anakin? Lol no, she’s a random character with random parents. I was facepalming so hard.

I just. Oooh boy. This movie was a disappointment, It was exactly everything I knew it would be because Disney is bad at storytelling and likes to make everything easy and simple to understand for their stupid goddamn kid audience. Like go away lmao. I’m gonna sound like an old bitter harpy but the EU > Disney. SW was never supposed to be so easy to understand, it’s supposed to be complex, full of mysteries and theories. My mom and I regularly debate about Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Luke and it’s been YEARS since these trilogies ended. That’s not going to happen with TLJ.

What I’m looking forward to in the next ep, even though I know it has 99% chance of not happening: - Leia getting a beautiful death, because she’s a queen, a mother, a legend and deserves the best death ever. - Hopefully a last goddamn chance for a Kylo redemption arc. Like lmao I know it won’t happen and Disney will just keep ruining his character but a girl can still hope. - More Kylo/Rey scenes since they were some of the best parts of TLJ. - More Rey/Finn/Poe scenes because we got nothing at all in TLJ except a hug between Finn and Rey at the end and like a two-word exchange between Rey and Poe. - More cool space battles. - MORE FUCKING ALIENS. FFS. JUST GIVE ME ONE TWI’LEK AND I’LL BE HAPPY. - An Obi-wan and/or Anakin Force ghost. - An interesting ship that isn’t necessarily straight (just saying this because I can FEEL the Poe/Rey happening even though they have 0 chemistry and it’s making me sad :’)) - PLEASE just tell me who the fuck Snoke is and tell me he isn’t really dead. Please. The ~supreme leader~ can’t possibly have such a retarded death with 0 background for his character. It makes no sense.

[thecoffeeshopforwriters]

Jenna’s answers to the positive questions

It’s my turn to answer to these positive questions as well. Don’t be afraid to come and discuss about these topics with us via ask or PM!

- When did you start writing and why?

I was 8 years old and remember that I had to write a story at school. We had sewed ourselves plushies during handwork classes, and I wrote my star’s story. I don’t have it anymore but it was the thing that started my “career” as a writer. It made me get interested in and excited about this activity and I’ve been writing more or less since that day! It became bigger part of my life about two years after when I went through the first harder phase of my life. I realized then that it’s something I really can count on and something that will keep me sane, save me. So, I never let go of it. It has helped and saved me countless times after that. I don’t know the exact person I have to thank for that but I want to thank.

- What does writing mean to you?

Being myself, sort of. Also, getting away from the reality, being with myself, someone else. Funny thing to say; being myself and being someone else. But you know what I mean? I’m myself but I’m also someone totally else. Which is very liberating! Writing has helped me through many tough times in my life, it’s also my safe haven. My way to relax after hard days. The feeling when the whole world just kind of vanishes around you and you’re in the middle of your own world which the real world can’t reach. It’s a lovely feeling if something.

- What gives you inspiration?

Small things in life. I observe and look around myself when I’m out or even at home. Even the smallest thing can give inspiration. Songs, books, movies, quotes, pictures... I haven’t been able to write about a picture but I’m dreaming of it. The daily life is actually very inspiring! And conversations with other people.

- Where do you find most of your ideas?

I could answer the same things as in the previous one, but... They just come to me, really. I think about something and then it just hits me. Or I find something nice from the internet or see a nice movie/show and think that I want to borrow it a little. Mostly they just come out of nowhere, from the depths of my mind that never shuts up.

- Any tip you want to share?

One tip I’d like to give is that never think your idea is dumb. I mean, it might seem like it but give it a try. Even the dumbest ideas can end up being the best ones ever! 

If posting makes you nervous, which it does, don’t let it stop you. It’s going to be just fine. If people don’t find your fics or other writings right away, don’t get sad. Share them with your friends. That’s the key, share your writing. Comments and critique can give you new ideas and perspectives. They’re always refreshing and making everything even more interesting!

- The pros and cons of writing?

Pros: You can relax and just let your mind float freely, whatever you want to say, you can say it. No one is going to tell you “you can’t do this/that” because you can. And you will. Writing is a safe way to be yourself, show the side of you that you might not want to share with people so often; you can write as ugly and true and honest things as you want, something no one has to see. Which leads us to the best part: you can play. What would it be like if thing x was like this/that? You can get to know yourself, the world around you. And of course, it’s social and will give you some awesome people to befriend with! It’s also a wonderful way to spend time! There are so many pros in writing that I will probably edit this later haha!

Cons: It becomes your whole life. Your mind is constantly distracted by your stories, the plots and character arcs and scenes. You try to concentrate on something else but there’s still cute Caspian in your mind and you just... End up thinking about Caspian and everything else is meaningless. It takes time. It makes you frustrated. It hurts. It’s makes you paranoid. It’s very hard sometimes; you will get blocks and other difficulties but can overcome the obstacles. Just stay strong and believe in yourself!

- Your favourite thing about writing?

All the freedom. How relaxing it is. What it teaches to you; about yourself and the world around you. The community. And it does good to your brain too. But my ultimate favorite things are all the adventures!

- Why do you write?

I write because I enjoy it. Simple as that. It makes me feel like I have a meaning. It’s something I know I’m good at. I have done it for a long time and my life would be very much emptier without it. I don’t know how to be without writing. But, all in all, I write because it gives me so much. It makes me feel good. 

- What are your goals?

To try new things, I love to challenge myself. Writing is probably the best way to do that for me. I’ve also promised to myself (yes, New Year Resolutions, don’t laugh at me) that the year 2019 finally is the year I’ll start to write my very first novel; I actually have had multiple ideas for it during the years, but some of them have died for various reasons. This one I have now, the one I really want to write - I like it very much. My goal is to get published. Being a writer has been my dream since I was a little girl. 

- Something you wish you would’ve known before starting to write?

Haha, how frustrating it is! How much it can hurt! But also how big part of my life it’s going to be. How much it’s going to change me as a person, the way I see the world and other people. 

The thing I want to say is that dive in! It will be such an enjoyable adventure! Also, welcome to the blog you all, may the words be with you.

[kitty-chan17985]

She feels her heart race. How could she have said all of that? How could she?! This will go one of two ways; either he’ll accept, or he’ll reject. She keeps a focused gaze on his face as he turns to face her, tears threatening to slip. She feels hopeful when he says he feels the same, but then that hope is crushed in an instant. The dam breaks. Tears run down her face and the blush that was on her face and ears is long gone. She feels her chest heave unevenly.

Her heart breaks.

She lowers her head and just stands there for a moment, lip quivering. She grits her teeth before starting to sob, but she doesn’t want him to see her like that; not that it matters to her. She immediately runs into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

She just ruined everything in an instant. How could she have said that? She may have been hopeful that maybe, just maybe, it would’ve worked. He must think of her more as a sister or a daughter...the latter is more likely, however. She sits in the tub and softly cries. She could never be the one to get the one she loves...of course she’s had crushes before...but they all only saw her as a sex pistol, a means to an end. She could handle those, they would only abuse her.

So why is this hurting so much?

Because he seemed to care...she could be so open about things with him, and this one thing slipped.

“H-h-h-how c-could I-I-I-I b-be s-s-so s-stupid?!” she scolds herself, sobbing softly as to not be too loud. She tries to wipe away the tears, at least so she can sleep properly, but they just won’t stop.

She’s ruined the best relationship she’s ever had (next to being Skylar’s mother)...she probably won’t even be able to stay friends with William. How can they when it’s a fact that she’s fallen for him? He says he feels the same...but her mind tells her it’s a lie. Her mind is winning. She gets up and looks in that one drawer, fishing out her little silver “friends”. But she’s too distressed to even do this. A loud clattering noise is made when she grabs the blades and throws them to the ground, her whole body shaking with shame and regret. Why did she ever say all of that?

She knew it would be rejection (or at least feel like rejection). She keeps making up scenarios in her head.

Maybe they could make it work...even with the difference in age, maybe it could work...maybe...it has to work, it just has to!

Maybe they...could just secretly date, just to keep things to themselves...

Maybe they could just...

No. She’s fooling herself. He most likely doesn’t even love her in the same way. He said he loves her...but she’s convinced herself that it’s in more of a father-daughter relationship way.

How could she have done this?

~

It takes her at least half an hour to come out again, her eyes red and puffy from crying so much. She hasn’t cried that much ever before...there are still tears to be shed, but she won’t let them out. She walks toward the living room slowly, laying down on the couch and pulling her blanket over her. She doesn’t bother putting on a nightgown. She buries her head in her pillow and holds onto it, holding her Spring Bonnie plushie close.

If she hadn’t said anything, everyone would be better off. Especially William. Why was she stupid enough to think he’d feel the same way about her?

Especially her...she’s not desirable by any standards. She’s just a crybaby, weakling, useless...nothing desirable about her. Especially that stupid stutter of hers.

Her fat stomach. Her ugly face. Her terrible personality. Her mental health problems. Every little thing about her is terrible...

...so why did it shock her at all?

While he didn’t flat-out say no, it still feels like he did. He might as well have done so and kicked her out.

So why does this alternative, where she knows he loves her in some way, hurt so much?

@kitty-chan17985

William stepped in from his workshop, making sure to be quiet since it was late. He’d spent all day working on something, just now taking a break now that he was sure mostly everyone would be asleep. Despite having Angel and Skylar in his life which made him happier in general, he still had his moments. Days where he just felt… disconnected. He stepped into the kitchen and washed the grease and grime off his hands. He noticed, finally, he’d cut his hand somehow, though it wasn’t bleeding much. After covering it with a band-aid he sat down at the kitchen table and let out a sigh, resting his head in his hands. He wasn’t sure what he’d rather do at the moment, whether it be sleeping or working more. He knew he needed to take a break, but he was sure he wasn’t going to sleep tonight.

He never spoke up whenever he found himself struggling with his emotions. Angel would notice easily, but he just hadn’t been open enough. Despite her helping him with being a better father, and helping him feel much less lonely than before, there were still things left unsaid on his end that were always weighing him down. Things he didn’t talk to anyone about, not since it had been a recent ordeal, and he’d only ever vented to Henry. He didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone else his fears or woes, since he’d only ever trusted one man with that information. But since Henry had told William to never talk to him unless it was an absolute emergency, he was left to his own thoughts for a good few years. Maybe now would be a time to open up more… especially since Angel seemed to so genuinely care.