#I wish I was actually able to eat rocks

[stanley-mushroom]

Challenge: finish hoeing up the leafy greens without eating any

Difficulty level: impossible

[apomaro-mellow]

Every Baby Needs a Daddy 2

Part 1

Eddie hadn't forgotten about Steve the next day. Far from it. But his early morning thoughts had been occupied with getting up in time and going through his morning routine. It wasn't until he got dressed and put his jacket on, the same one from yesterday, that he was hit with the remnants of Steve's scent. He lifted it to his nose and took a deep breath.

His number was still in the pocket. Would texting him now seem desperate? Eddie took another breath. Fuck appearances. He had to see him again.

-------------------------

Steve had been prepared to chalk up last night to a fever dream. Or even if it was somehow real, that Eddie wouldn't call or text. Or even if he did, it wouldn't be until weeks or months later when he remembered the pathetic omega he'd met one rainy night.

And then he checked his phone on his lunch break and saw that he had a few messages. All from an unknown number.

'hey' 'it's me' 'Eddie' 'that guy you met last night?' 'I was thinking that i could maybe take you out to dinner again?'

Steve beamed so hard anyone looking might think he was insane. How cool should he play it? Maybe he should wait until he got off of work. Would it be better to call? By the looks of the texts, Eddie seemed really into him. Would Steve be able to string him along for longer?

The moment the thought passed through it was gone. He had woken up this morning, yearning for Eddie's scent. If he got close to him again, there was no way that he could make him wait.

Steve told him that he was free any time.

It probably came off as desperate but he didn't care. He wanted Eddie and wanted to be wanted by him. He couldn't afford to play it cool.

Three days later, Steve was standing outside of a nice restaurant. Eddie had sent the location and Steve dressed in the best clothes he owned. Thankfully he didn't have much of a reason to wear them, so they looked fresh and he went the extra mile to iron them. It was a nice collared shirt in blue and some khaki pants. A car drove up and Eddie came out of it, tossing the keys to a valet.

Eddie had offered to pick him up from his apartment but Steve refused for some reason. It felt like a dignity thing.

"Hey there, handsome", Eddie grinned. He had a red button down over black slacks and that leather jacket again. Steve needed to bury his face in it, in Eddie.

Steve got part of his wish when Eddie slung an around his waist and led him inside. He refrained from turning his head to dip his nose into it and drown himself in Eddie. They sat down and a waiter was with them right away for their drink orders. The waiter asked about wine as Steve looked at the menu.

"Hmm, whatever's red and sweet, my good man", Eddie said.

"We have a nice Cabernet, if you would like."

Eddie looked like he was about to agree when Steve spoke up. "Eddie, what are you eating?"

The alpha glanced at the menu before pushing air out of his mouth. "Probably a steak, beautiful. I'm actually not all that picky."

"We'll take a Caremenare", Steve said. "One from Bordeaux if you have one, if not anything on from southern France is fine."

Eddie gave Steve an appraising look as the waiter walked off to get their drinks. He let out a low whistle and then Steve stiffened.

"You know your stuff."

"I uh, yeah", Steve cleared his throat. "This seems like a real classy joint. Normally a server will ask what you plan on dining on before giving a wine suggestion."

"Ah, so he thought I was some bum who would've been happy drinking some cooking sherry?"

"Basically." Steve hadn't meant to show off like that. It just came out.

Eddie didn't look put off though. If anything, he looked impressed.

"You know, I'm not hard to please. I'm the type to drink whatever they put in front of me. Unless it's vodka." Eddie stuck his tongue out in disgust.

"I figured a rock star would have more refined tastes", Steve said.

"Oh I think I've got great tastes", Eddie said, licking a canine.

Steve had been looking at the menu, about to ask what he meant he saw the look Eddie was giving him. He quickly snapped the menu back up to cover his face and how warm it felt. Steve was no stranger to blatant flirting. He'd frequently laid it on thick himself. But knowing who Eddie was and how they'd met put an extra layer on it.

Did Eddie like him for himself? Or because he seemed easy? They started talking, the conversation now about traveling. Eddie was telling him of a particularly wild night in Italy and Steve was halfway in thought.

Would he feel different if Eddie was just a normal alpha? Or was it the fact that Eddie knew he was half the way to destitute that made Steve hesitant? Above all, Steve just didn't know if Eddie respected him or if he felt sorry for him. Eddie hadn't ever said anything condescending about him or omegas in general though. He'd never made Steve feel lower than him. He made sure he was comfortable with rides and being paid for before doing so.

Steve remembered what his best friend told him before abandoning him (getting her dream job) across the country. Basically, waste not, want not, but applying it to everything. If Eddie wanted to take him out and buy him meals and drinks, who was Steve to deny him? And if he wanted something sweet after, well Steve wouldn't be upset.

"Wait, you tried sneaking into the catacombs? You know it's a tourist site? You can just get a guide and go in", Steve said.

"Yeah, well Jeff had this bright idea of going in without permission, cause you know, rebellion is totally more metal than just hiring a tour guide, and going at like 2 am because that's the 'best time'", Eddie did air quotes and rolled his eyes. "And also tried to get into more restricted areas."

"Lemme guess, Jeff's a free spirited explorer?"

"I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I also like seeing the sky", Eddie said. "And Gareth's worse. Dude froze solid the moment we got down there. Hell of a time to learn he's got claustrophobia."

Their orders were taken and Eddie watched probably with a bit too much interest as Steve ate. He was enjoying this ritzy fare as much as he did the bar and local restaurant from before. Maybe Steve was the type to fit in anywhere. Eddie wanted to give him more. He'd seen some of the couples around them. People with clearly money to spare and they lavished it on the beauty dining with them. Gilded omegas. Kept omegas.

"I just wanted to, I don't know, take care of him", Eddie had lamented to his band mates while on a Zoom call.

"What, like a puppy?", Grant asked while in the middle of doing laundry.

"No! Yes? Like, ugggh", Eddie ran his hands down his face. "I know how this is gonna sound. Don't judge me."

"Holy shit", Gareth paused in his gaming to look at Eddie's face on one of his screens. "Dudes, I think it's finally happening."

"No fucking way", Jeff said.

Eddie turned around in his chair, trying to turn his back to them but he went to hard and did a 360 instead.

"Eddie, do you wanna be his-"

"Please don't say it out loud", Eddie covered his face with his hands.

"He does", Jeff said. "He wants to be a sugar daddy."

"This guy's gotta be hot. You got pics?", Grant asked.

"No one's that hot", Gareth said. "Chrissy was that hot and you still didn't-"

"Alright, forget I said anything. This is supposed to be a brainstorming sesh", Eddie quickly changed the subject.

Eddie wanted Steve to be his. But he didn't just want to date him. He wanted to spoil him, take him on exotic vacations, show him off, have Steve lie in bed without a care outside of being Eddie's baby.

But he couldn't just ask that, could he? That was probably one aspect of celebrity life Eddie, nor any of the other guys really knew too well. Getting a date? Easy. Getting someone like this? Would Steve even want to do that? He probably had his own goals and aspirations that went beyond being some guy's plaything. God though, Eddie would treat him so right. Steve really wouldn't want for anything.

"So, I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but how does a uh, fine vintage such as yourself find him single?"

"'Fine vintage'? Are you calling me old?", Steve asked with mock offense.

"Well you wear it very nicely", Eddie quipped back.

"For the record, I'm not chronically single. I've just been pretty busy lately. Had a few quick lays, but nothing serious for a while."

"How about somethingggg not serious buuut pretty exclusive?", Eddie asked. He leaned a little closer to Steve and was able to smell the increased interest. Good.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you, me, on a French beach in about a month. You could really show off that wino talent."

Steve snickered and moved a little closer to Eddie. "Well you can start with not calling me a 'wino'. And if you really want me to show off, you'll have to take my to Italy."

Eddie put an arm around Steve. "That can be arranged." He started to kiss his neck and let out a soft growl at the way Steve melted under his lips. His hand found Steve's thigh and gave it a squeeze.

Steve hummed and turned his head to kiss Eddie's cheek, then grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together. He gave Eddie's lips a rather chaste kiss but then whispered against them.

"Take me to your place."

dont @ me on the wine stuff i literally drank a $7 bottle of vermouth yesterday and enjoyed it clearly i am not an expert.

Part 3

Tag Team

@awkotaco24 @lingeringmirth @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @tartarusknight @velocitytimes2 @mrsjellymunson @trashcanniballecter @marklee-blackmore @dragonmama76 @paintsplatteredandimperfect

[tddyhyck]

ok but then who in dream would want to watch you get fucked by another member 👀

hheHeHhEe great question ,,

at first mark would not be into it he’s worried you’d like someone else’s dick more,, he’d be more down for a threesome where he’s the only one allowed to fuck you,, but when he sees how his member makes you cry while they eat you out he’d change his mind ,, mark is like “oh they’re gonna love this they deserve this”

renjun is down,, he’s all about pleasing you and if that means someone else fucking you dumb he’s down,, i think he would be more comfortable if it was someone he could trust like one of his members, i know he would tease tf out of you after like anytime you mention whoever or they come up he’s like “aww do you want their cock again” or he’s fucking you and brings them up “bet you wish he was here watching you make a mess on my dick” “you get so wet when i mention him” 😵‍💫😵‍💫

grrr jeno no ,, he’d not let someone fuck you i think he’d be so jealous, the most he would do is let another member finger you and maybe fuck your face ,, wait i’ve changed my mind he’d let them fuck you but only if it was a dp situation,, like jeno has to be in you if someone else is gonna be in you 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i do think he would like seeing you get your shit rocked ,, getting your mouth fucked by one of his friends like. a whore

hehe hyuck is so down, he’s a cuck 🥺 he’d get off on watching someone fuck you he’d sit across the room fucking his fist and whining,, his member would just keep telling him to shut up or that he’s being too loud so he can’t focus on your cunt,, and it just makes hyuck even harder,, he’d love to watch and have both of you being mean to him i know he’d cum so much,, he’d be so overstimulated and his hand would be so sticky and gross

now jaemin is into it for sure i think he’d want to be involved though,, i don’t think he’d be able to sit and watch without touching you or holding you. i bet he spreads his legs and holds you while you get fucked, maybe he’s got his fingers on your clit or pinching your nipples while he watches his friends cock slide into you,,, and he’d coo and praise you for taking his members cock so well probably saying how good his friend looks making you take it,, ok i could go on 😭😭

the motherfucker chenle i can see him either so against it or so for it,, against it because he wants you all to himself but for it because he loves seeing how messy you can be,, i think he’d let them fuck you then he’d push them away and fuck you into oblivion talking about “oh you think they can fuck you good just wait baby” “you know my cock is better” and his member is just watching and getting hard again while you’re mumbling excuses and i’m sorrys but chenle doesn’t want to hear it so he has his friend fuck your mouth to shut you up ,,,

curious little pervert jisung probably suggests it, something along the lines of “he was telling me about how he made someone cum in 5 minutes do you want to see if he can make you cum that fast?” but when it’s actually happening jisung is like can you make it last longer i want to watch this forever,,, he’d be jerking off beside you loving the way your eyes roll back for someone else ,,,

[gutterfuuck]

i literally have your post notifs on now 🫣 that conquerer mark fic was soooo good omfg 🙏🙏 while it’s kind of on the topic of bff mark, would you be able to do like…childhood friends mark that knows the reader is attracted to him (probably in love with him) and kind of uses it to manipulate her? or something similar idk LMAO i’m just in love w the childhood friends/friends to lovers trope and i think u could put a really fun and dark spin on it!

mdni! possibly uncomfortable for some, will add tags soon so please bare with me! not very smut like, some at the end.

this is just a small drable, i will extend on this idea! please enjoy!

i very love this idea; i already know exactly what i will do with this hehe. he's been aware of your little secret crush on him since you both started highschool, thinking nothing of it, thinking that you would eventually grow out of him… until you don’t. you were certain that you were destined to be.

that was until amber came along. you felt threatened, terrified that she would take him from you- she was gorgeous-and he knew it tore you up inside. when college came around; you almost gave up on him. you thought back to how he had knocked on your bedroom window floating one day making you panic and almost scream awake the entire neighbourhood. oh how you wished that he had stayed by your side.

you scrolled through the newsfeeds on your phone, watching back mark-invinvible's - fight today, pining for the sweet boy that you had fallen in love with. you felt as if you needed mark grayson to eat, sleep and drink.

he flew through your window, taking you by surprise as he nodded his head at you as a quick greeting, disappearing into your bathroom in his suit and emerging a second later in no shirt and pajama pants. "thought i'd do a quick check around the city before bed." he spoke, your eyes quickly glancing at his body, observing him. you were sure he wouldn't notice, you'd been doing this for years and he hadn't even paid you no mind.

that wasn't true. mark saw the way you looked at him. not just now, but all the time. he could see the way you mourned for him, heard the way you touched yourself for him, jerking off to the sounds of your hopeless shameful cries afterwards, slowly slipping into despair as you tried to wrestle with the realisation that mark was with another. he craved it. craved you, wanted you.

he wanted to get off…

you were his best friend, so when you watched him slump onto the end of your bed and listened to him complain about his relationship, you comforted him, you heard him. you felt guilty to admit it, but your heart fluttered at the possibility of amber being out of the picture. oh you felt horrible.

mark knew how you felt: euphoric. you were hoping on their downfall. mark and amber were actually only on a little break. “it’s just been rocky recently,” he would get back with her eventually. “we should try seeing other people.”

and he sees right through you, sees right through his pretty little friend. he doesn’t hesitate, his hand resting on your lower back. “i know you like me, i’ve seen the way you look at me.” he speaks and you flush, wanting the bed to open up and swallow you whole. you try to speak, but are interrupted by mark. handsome, strong, sweet mark. “i’m kinda pent up… just- i don’t know.. i don’t wanna make it weird,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, shrugging along with his words. take the bait.

“me and amber— not so active anymore. if you get me.” what was he getting at? you thought your heart was going to pop out of your delicate little chest.

and then he finally pops the question.

before long, you’re on your knees, mouth stretched around your best friend’s dick, drool leaking from the edges of your mouth as he rocked his hips into your face, “c’mon now, i thought you liked me… hah- are you gonna start being a good fleshlight or am i gonna have to go next door and finish inside of amber, huh?” his words were lost on you, the only thing you could focus on was the way you had finally gotten his attention; you were finally useful to him.

[artists-ally]

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien Vanssera {Pt.2}

Welp. Here we are. Didn't know this was gonna happen. I had ZERO INTENTIONS of writing a part two but I basically got cyber bullied into making another so here ya go fuckers. Someone literally threatened to stop taking their meds so to whoever that was I hope you get to keep your kidney! Enjoy! This part is inspired by this song.

Word Count: 6,111

Warnings: ANGST (yall thought you’re gonna get a happy ending? HAHAHAH) Some pretty negative self talk.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @cyrygher @thelov3lybookworm @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @lookingforamissingpage @thehighlordishere @crazylokonugget

Summary: In the days and weeks that follow your downfall with Lucien, he has no fucking clue how to go about life without you. He can’t cope. And he desperately wants to fix everything with you.

~~~~~~~

LUCIEN’S POV

I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought that would be reserved for not being able to protect Jesminda. No. This… this is… I don’t even know.

I’m just standing on the sidewalk, staring at our- her home. At the rustic, auburn door we painted. At its brass knob, at the rusty, creaking hinges that would ring through the house when someone came in. At the little potted plant in the corner, the vines spilling out of it. 

I’ll never be back here again. 

I’ll never get to hear her laugh.

I’ll never get to taste her new recipes.

I will never be able to take all that I said back. That is the most haunting feeling of it all.

I’m an awful person. After all she’s done for me. After saving my life– on more than one occasion– I went and did nothing in return. I gave her nothing for her endless kindness. All I was capable of doing was destroying the one person in my life who has given me everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Unconditionally. She always loved me unconditionally. How could I have been so blind and naive to it? How did I never see it? 

Gods every single time she made me something to eat, a recipe to try… she was basically shoving the bond in my face, hoping I would see it. And I never ever considered it. I was so lost in Elain. Lost in the fact that I finally had feelings for someone after Jesminda… Not once did I think it could be Yn. 

I don’t deserve her. I never did. I was a bitter, rotten shell of a man when she met me. She dragged me by the arms to her house to fix me. She thought I was worthy of being saved when my own father thought the opposite. Yn put me back together. She made me who I am. And this is the thanks I give her?

Elain has said all of ten sentences to me in the past year. I haven’t been able to do anything but replay every single one of them in my head. A thousand times– a hundred thousand times. I wish I couldn’t. It’s exhausting. Constantly thinking of her. But I don’t have a choice. 

I like the feeling of being able to feel again. But at the cost of Yn? At the complete sacrifice of all I’ve known for the past century? My rock? My best friend? Nothing is worth more. 

But it is far too late to do anything about it. I’ve lost her.

I want her back. 

Yn did things to me that no one else could. She just seemed to know when things were wrong. She always knows what to say, when to say it, and how. She never tells you what you want to hear, it’s always what you need. She is the most well rounded person I’ve ever met. She’s never afraid to feel her emotions. 

I envy that skill.

I’ve always hid my feelings deep down. It took years to decipher them again. But it was Yn who made me do it. She always fought for me, fought me for me. Yn never let me do it alone. Refused to, actually. Was there every step of the way and never told me I was taking too long or wasting her time. 

I get it now.

And there is nothing I can do. I have nowhere to go. Tears scald my eyes as I trudge down the little path that we beat into the grass. Day in and day out. 

I remember when we picked this place. We had only been in Velaris for a week or two when we stumbled across it. It was run down and needed a new roof. As a thank you for keeping Feyre safe on our journey across the Courts, Rhysand gifted it to us. Complete with a new roof, new furniture, a new kitchen for Yn to cook in. And he let us be. Well, let her be. I still had my debts to pay off. 

And then I met Elain and… fuck. Everything went to shit after that. 

There is no way of processing all of these emotions at once. These very real feelings I still have for Elain. And these all-of-a-sudden very fucking real feelings I now have for Yn. It’s how I imagine imploding feels like. My body wants to cave into itself and never fold back out. 

I pray to the Cauldron that I do self destruct. This feeling, a mixture between irrational rage and betrayal… I don’t wish it upon another living soul. And Gods know I’d sell mine to change everything I’ve just done. 

I don’t even know how I ended up at the Town House. All of a sudden I was just standing in front of it. I normally resent coming here, but for some reason I was relieved to see the bricks and busted up cobblestone sidewalk. Maybe no one would be here; Rhys was more often than not at the River House with Feyre and Nyx, indulging in the life of parenthood. Nesta and Cassian were probably somewhere in the House of Wind with Elain, Mor at Rita’s, Amren with Varian, and who the hell knows where Azriel is.

I can’t wait to be alone to scream. 

Fuck, the door is locked. Of course the door is locked, no one’s here. It takes every bit of control in my shiver-ridden body to not rip the door off its hinges. And it takes even more control to not collapse against the door and break down for the whole street to see. 

The lock clicks and the door opens. 

I force myself to appear relaxed. I wipe my tears and brush away my loose strands of hair. No use. My face is probably as red as the burning self hatred inside my twisted heart. 

“What are you doing here Lucien?” The High Lord asks. 

I gulp. Of all the people, it had to be him? At least it’s not Azriel, I think. I might hate him more than I hate myself. For actually getting Elain’s attention. Yn was right, I am selfish. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were in.”

“Did you leave something?” I don’t move, and I stay deathly still. Rhys looks me head to toe, and I know he can scent me from a mile away. “Lucien, what the fuck did you do?”

“Stay the fuck out of my head,” I snarled, pointing a finger at his chest. 

“I don’t need to read your thoughts. Your face says it all.”  Rhys crosses his arms over his chest, “Look, we’ve all told you that Elain is hard to reach these days. She isn’t worth-”

“This… this doesn’t have anything to do with Elain.” I lied. He seemed to know it. “Can I just come in?”

Rhys just steps aside, shutting the door behind me. “I don’t really have time for-”

“I fucked up.”

“Clearly.”

“Rhysand,” I said. So full of disgust. He looked at me with a blank expression. One I have seen too many times to not know what comes next. I eased up my tone. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” he answers, moving around me and heading into a study on the other side of the living room. 

I can’t help but think of how we all gathered in that living room a few months ago for Solstice. Exchanging gifts and drinks and smiles and stories. I vividly remember making Yn laugh so hard she tipped her head over the arm of the couch, sending her wine tumbling to the ground. The stain still on the small rug almost makes me smile, and it almost makes me burst into tears. 

“I ruined everything in my life. Yn’s gone.” I could feel the air freeze around me. “Not like, gone gone but she’s… I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing her again.”

“So this is because of Elain.”

I bit my tongue so hard I thought I’d bite it off completely. But I sighed, the tears coming with it. “Yes.” A really long pause. “She told me I’m-”

“You’re Yn’s mate?”

“Yes.”

“And you never knew because you were so focused on Elain.” “Is that supposed to be a question?”

“It was, but you just gave me your answer,” Rhys sat. “Do you want me to keep guessing or are you going to tell me what happened?”

I took the biggest breath I could, steading my words. “I missed the opening of her restaurant because I was with Elain.”

Rhysand looked at me with such revulsion that I thought he might put me through a wall. Those wicked, violet eyes could’ve boiled my bones. For a split second I wished he would. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I don’t think there were enough words in the world for how much of an awful person I was. 

“There are things in this world that we sacrifice in this world Lucien,” Rhys said.

Hesitantly, “I know.” 

“And Yn gave up the biggest of them all. She shut her mouth to let you be happy. She did what I did for Feyre until she realized what situation she was in. You are one spineless bastard for doing anything but giving your life to her.”

“I know.”

“Have you any idea what you’ve done to her? She gave you everything you could ever ask for. From the moment the two of you stepped in my Court I could tell she only had eyes for you. When you are in the room you’re the only one she looks at. How could you have not known?”

“I don’t know…” “Yes, you do.”

I plunged my nails into my palms. “For Cauldron's sake Rhysand of course I know.”

“Then why did you continue to ignore Yn?”

“Because I couldn’t ever let myself think a female like her would like such a broken, dismantled and lost soul like mine.” Rhysand stared at me. “When Yn pulled me from the border to fix me, she spent every waking moment of her life stringing my mind and body into one piece. If I let myself think for even a second that it was anything other than kindness, I would’ve gone mad.”

“Would it have been so terrible to love her?”

“I’ve always loved her. I just never thought I’d be allowed to love her the way she loves me.”

“Because of Elain?” “Because of Elain.”

Rhys blew out a breath, sitting down on the corner of his desk. “So, let me see if I have all of this correct. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for Yn because you thought you were unworthy. Instead, you sabotaged both of your happiness for Elain simply because she was your mate and you just wanted to feel something?”

“It sounds so much more fucked when you say it outloud.” I rubbed my hands over my tired, burning eyes. “And it’s not just because she’s my mate, Rhys. I genuinely like her. She’s… she has the potential to be so sweet. I’ve seen glimpses of it, heard stories from Feyre and Nesta. Why won’t she let me see?”

“You are still clueless, aren’t you?” He scoffed. “Here you are, a ruined man because you drove away your best friend, and you’re still worried about someone who doesn’t want you. Pathetic. You are a selfish son of a bitch.”

“I can’t just ignore Elain. It’s impossible to think of anything else but her and how I can help her.” “Lucien,” Rhysand stopped me from going on another tangent. “Maybe start considering that she doesn’t want you.”

“What?” My lip trembled. “N-No she… we have a bond. It’s there she just needs time. I’m her mate, she’ll want one eventually.”

“Just like Yn will want one?” His eyes were as viscous as the tone of his voice. “You are doing the same thing to Yn that Elain is doing to you. You understand how that feels. Now imagine that Elain was the one you found on the border of the Spring Court and you spent decades nursing her mind back into her body. Recreating her personality and passions. Wouldn’t you be a little fucking irate if she started showing interest in another male after all you did for her?”

I froze.

This was so much deeper than I ever thought it could be. But I could see it. Bringing Elain back to herself all for it to be thrown away by another male. Azriel filled that roll, and I was filled with raw fury at the mere thought of that happening. 

“So now you see what Yn has been dealing with. And Gods, Lucien, she has been dealing with it for a long while. What you did was wrong, unjust, and unfair. And for you to be with Elain on the day of her grand opening, where all of us just were, is… that may be unforgivable.”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for what I’ve just done…”

My shoulder hunch, and my chest cracks. I am a bleeding mess of tears. I can barely stand as I openly sob in front of Rhys. I’m surprised when he shoves a chair under me instead of letting me crumble to the floor in my self induced agony. And I’m even more surprised when he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

It’s Yn. It’s always been Yn. There is nothing in this world that can compare to her or her kindness or her love. What a fool I have been to not take the hand that was given me. What a selfish, self-serving waste of a man I have been to her. 

I can’t take it. I have to have her back. I have to fix this. I have to. I have to. I have to. 

I stand. “Woah, what are you doing?” Rhys tried to get me to sit down. 

“Yn- I have to fix this with Yn-”

“No,” Rhys slams me back into the chair. “You are not going to march back over there.”

“I have to,” I yelled. “I can’t let her kick me out without her knowing that I’m sorry. That I’ll do anything she wants me to to win her back. I can’t be without her, I need her.”

“She kicked you out?” I nodded. “You’re not going anywhere. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. Nothing you could say to her would suffice. Especially right now. She needs time. She needs space. If I find out that you go back to your- her house, I’ll drop you back in the Spring Court, do you understand me?”

I nod viciously. 

“Good,” Rhys let out a heavy breath. “You can have your old room back. Nothing in it but a few storage boxes. Everything is otherwise untouched.” Great. My old memories to haunt me. Just what I needed. For a very short week we stayed here. Yn’s room was right across from mine. Just another reminder of everything that’s happened between now and then. 

I slump in the seat, letting tears trickle down my nose and onto my knee. Watching them evaporate and dry, just for the material to be soaked again. “I’m so sorry Yn…”

I heard Rhys whirl around, and I could feel the tension across the room. He probably thinks I’m mad. I might as well be. 

More footsteps sounded than people in the house and Cassian walked in the room. Luckily I was facing away from him. “Don’t tell me he’s a part of our special detachment.”

I rolled my eyes. Cassian, ever the charming.

“No, he’s… well, he’ll be living here for a little while.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped. No one spoke. I sighed for what felt like the billionth time today. “Sorry.”

“What happened?” Cassian asked, coming to stand next to me, his body reeking of sweat and dirt. All I had to do was lift my head and I think he understood enough. That or Rhys told him. “I won’t say anything cause I’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Probably,” Rhys nodded. 

“Probably.” My eyes burned, so did my skin. “I have to get all my stuff out tomorrow. She told me to.”

“Then you’ll do it tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Respect her wishes, or I will make you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“We’ll be back,” Rhys grabbed a few things from his desk then ushered Cassian out the door. “Don’t do anything. Just stay here.”

It could’ve been twenty minutes or two hours until I finally moved upstairs. Forcing myself to not go to Yn’s room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. All the conversations we had, all the plans we made. It’s where she first got the idea of her restaurant. She literally had a dream and made it a reality. 

I’d be lying if I said I told her how proud of her I was. I never have. Why have I never told her that? Could I really have been that caught up in Elain that… Wow. It’s funny how you only realize after the fact. 

My bed caught me as I collapsed into it, tucking my knees into my chest. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Just like Rhys said. My heart would burn up and die at this rate. It was a mystery how I hadn’t burst into flames yet. 

There are so many things I need, and Yn takes the top of the list. She had always been everything I needed. When I needed comfort, I went to Yn. When I needed solutions, I went to Yn. When I needed answers, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved… who was I supposed to go to now? Definitely not Rhys or Cassian, and certainly not Elain.

Maybe for the first time ever I wanted nothing to do with Elain. I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again. Her presence in my life has done nothing but tear my other relationships apart. 

She’s the reason I’m here in this mess.

_____

At some ridiculous hour of the night– morning? Is that the sun?– I heard the door open. I shot up, then deflated down. I wasn’t in my bed. I wasn’t at home. And that wasn’t Yn walking in the door. 

Every thought and emotion rushed back into my head, creating an endless tangle of thoughts. The next more horrid and self destructive than the last. I deserve it. 

Missing the opening of her restaurant, Latibule–an ancient word for refuge or safe place–was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never be able to make that up to her. I turned her biggest accomplishment into a slimy, diseased memory. I ruined what was supposed to be the best night of her life.

I’ve let her down in a way I’ll never be able to repair. 

Even Rhys and Feyre were there last night. And I wasn’t. Nesta and Cassian. Azriel, Amren, Mor… they were all there, supporting her. And I was with Elain. She probably wanted to go, and I was there, holding her back. 

I need to get out of this room before it crushes me whole.

I could see the sun just barely peeking over the Sidra when I stepped outside, cloak wrapped tightly around my head and shoulders to keep out the early morning bite. 

There wasn’t a soul around, Velaris still blissfully asleep besides this one small corner store that sold hot tea and pastries all hours of the day. Rustling in my pocket was just enough for a peach turnover and a cherry blossom tea. 

The bell chimed above the door as I walked in, knocking my boots against the step to not track dirt in. 

“Early start to the day, Luc?” Ms. Immy smiled from behind the counter, polishing a few mugs before moving to come to the display case, packed full of delicious goods, savory and sweet. 

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “Couldn’t really sleep.”

“Well I am glad to have you in, the usual?”

“That would be great, Ms. Immy.” 

The lovely owner of the bakery was Ms. Immy. One of the older members of the Night Court but as wise as they come. She’s the kindest, most gentle fae to roam Prythian. With her soft, sage green eyes and long, slender ears adorn with piercings, Ms. Immy was by far one of my favorites here. 

The kettles whistled behind her as she dipped a tea bag into my mug. Ms. Immy always had designated mugs for her regular customers. Mine was made of green clay, mostly green with a white oval on the front with two lines of flowers. In the center of it all was a simple fox. She once told me that I had the spirit of one of those extinct creatures in the human lands. That I was reserved, and at my core I fiercely protected those I cared about.

If only I had been able to protect Yn from myself.

Her mug had been one crafted of the moon and the stars. With all the constellations of the Gods being lifted into the air by the magic of the Cauldron. Ms. Immy had told her it was a visual representation that Yn was a great reminder of the past to the current world. That she was lost art that was to never be forgotten. 

There is nothing I want more than for the rest of the world to be loved as fiercely as she had loved me.

“Here is your tea, Lucien,” Ms. Immy set the mug on the counter, pushing up the glass case and plucking a peach turnover out. “And for you as well.”

“Thank you,” I tried to smile. I stared at the blackberry tart next to the peach turnovers. Yn’s go-to. It made my blood run cold. 

I put the coins in her hand before I could begin to cry again and scooted out the door as another person was coming in. 

The table and chairs outside were hard and covered in a light mist. It creaked as I sat, just as it always did. I should've sat anywhere else, but my body naturally drifted to this exact spot. It had a good view of the street so Yn and I could watch the people walk by. Pretending we know every bit of their personal lives and beyond. Make up extravagant stories and adventures for the most boring looking individuals in hopes they may one day get to go on them in another lifetime. 

Gods she is everywhere. She’s in the tavern across the street, in the stones on the ground that we used to kick on our walks. She’s in the sunrise, the same color of her heated cheeks filling the sky. There is no escaping what used to be my whole world. 

Silently, I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. I ought to be ashamed of showing so much emotion in public, but for some reason I can’t find the will to care. 

The door chimes and footsteps go back down the street. The door chimes again. 

“My fox boy,” Ms. Immy says so softly I almost don’t hear it over the roar in my ears. “What troubles you so badly you can’t sleep?”

I bite my lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises. “I don’t know how to fix something that I’ve done.”

“You missed the opening of Yn’s restaurant.” She says. 

I nod. “How did you know?”

“Because I did not see you there, fox boy.”

“She kicked me out, Ms. Immy. I deserved it, every bit of what she said was true.”

“I think that is true, Lucien,” Ms. Immy came and sat in Yn’s spot, folding her hands in her lap, letting out a breath of air as she extended her old, feeble legs. “Nobody is happy with what you’ve done but-”

“I didn’t mean to blow her off Ms. Immy I just-”

“But,” she cuts me off with a pointed look. “I think you are a very lost soul. For the first time in your life you are truly free. No High Lord to obey, no throne to fight for, no war to fight in. Just a High Lord to serve and to respect. You have everything you could ask for, and yet you have no idea what to do with it.”

She’s right. She’s always right. “I want to fix it. I have to.”

“I am afraid that may not be what the spirit of the Gods wants.” Why is it that I get called fox boy and Yn get’s called something as majestic as ‘spirit of the Gods’? “If those are her wishes, you are going to respect them. Eternally.”

“I will go mad. If I don’t have her by my side for the rest of my life I will go mad.” “So you share a bond with her as well?” She asks. 

“I don’t know. All I do is that I haven’t stopped crying and shaking at every reminder of her. No matter how small. Life without her in it is meaningless to me. Afterall, she is the one who gave it back to me.”

“And a good job she did, fox boy,” Ms. Immy smiled softly. “You are a good male who has been blinded by instincts. While it is not your fault, it has become your problem. And by the looks of you, it seems like it has become quite the ordeal.”

My shoulders dropped as I put my head in my palms. I breathed. “I don’t know how to function without her. She has been there, every day of my life, for nearly seventy years, Ms. Immy. We did everything together. Our mornings were spent as one, our evenings, all the restaurant planning and-and brunches here with you-”

“Breathe, Lucien-”

“How am I supposed to just pack up my things today and move on? H-How am I supposed to just carry on as if she never existed in my life? The thought of not being able to see her every day makes me want to peel the skin off my flesh.”

Ms. Immy looked at me, the hard lines in her face becoming more defined. “Listen to me very carefully, fox boy. What’s done is done. You cannot go back in time and take back what you said. The worst of it is over. Now comes the long process of trying to piece your life together. Whether Yn will be able to help you will depend on what you decide to do in the next several days. If you follow her wishes of moving out and staying clear, there could be a chance in the future. But, if you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope.”

If you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope… Words have never stunned me quite as forcefully as Ms. Immy’s had. The true gravity of the situation has set in, if it hadn’t already. One wrong move and she’s gone. For good.

“There is a reason why you are my little fox, Lucien,” Ms. Immy stood, taking my cold mug that I hadn’t touched. “They were intelligent, cunning creatures, just as you are. Do not let your instincts guide you to a decision. Let your heart and the facts do it for you.”

“The facts? What facts?” “The fact that you have screwed up. The fact that Yn has made a decision for you since you were incapable of doing it yourself. It is truth, and it hurts, but it has to for change to come.” And then she went inside. 

I sat with those final words for far longer than I anticipated. It was long enough for people to begin leaving their homes, the streets beginning to fill with people. 

Yn would be out of the house by now, opening for the restaurant’s breakfast hours. I could go now. Or I could stay here and try to blend into the hundreds of faces passing in and out. But I need to move. Yn might come in for her apple cider and blackberry tart. If I saw her right now I’d surely do something stupid. 

As I walked, the clouds blocked out the sun and it began to drizzle. The drizzle turned into a steady rain, then a downpour. I was soaked through my cloak and boots, water seeping in and out with every step. My hair stuck to the back of my neck. 

I kept my head down as I walked, afraid of being recognized. If Ms. Immy had been there to not see me at Latibule, who else? 

The cobblestone ended and mud replaced it. I knew where I was.

The old, beaten path dared me to go up to the house. It beckoned me. From here, at the bottom of the hill, I could see several boxes stacked up outside the door, the disposable brown material soaked through with the rain. She was serious…

Some part of me– the extremely selfish part– has been secretly hoping that she’ll tell me she made a mistake and that she wants me back. But I think those boxes are a not-so-gentle-shove in the opposite direction. 

The key in my pocket might as well have been the key to another universe, because when I opened the door it was like I entered a whole new world. One without me in it. All the pictures of us, all the paintings Feyre had done for us, were off the walls. All the plants and trinkets and decorations I gifter here were piled in the corner for me to collect.

How could so much damage have been done in just a few hours? 

One by one, I packed away the things into the soggy boxes. I moved from room to room. Silently. Hoping this was all a dream only to be launched back into reality with every memory that surfaced. Every possession I had given her in the last seventy years was piled here for me to take. 

She wanted no trace of me here. And I didn’t blame her. I don’t want any trace of me either. 

I must’ve stayed there for hours– crying, packing, reliving moments I had long forgotten only to cry again– because it was close to sunset now. Every trace of me was packed up; all those pictures, all those trinkets, all my clothes and bathing goods… everything I owned fit into these boxes. Everything except for the one person I didn’t want to do life without. 

But Rhys and Ms. Immy are right. If I try to do something now, to get her back, I’ll ruin any real chance. That is something I can’t afford. 

To an immortal, a few months or years equivalates to just a few minutes of human life. But if it takes years for Yn to accept me back in her life…

Besides the clothes and membranes from the Autumn and Spring Courts, I discard everything. I will tear myself to bits if I don’t get rid of them. Will I regret it down the road, probably, but I can’t have them. 

The two boxes and bag of clothes I carry from her house to the Town House are water logged and falling apart. It’s a miracle they didn’t unravel completely. Just add more humiliation to a High Lords son dragging boxes and bags through the street. I deserve all the stare’s and hushed questions. 

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sights of Rhys and Cassian helping me carry them up the stairs. 

“I don’t know how you’re feeling but-”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Just… just don’t. I don’t want your pity, Cassian.”

“I am probably the last person besides Azriel who would pity you, Lucien. And I had no intentions to belittle you for what you did. I was going to offer you a spot in my training ring if you ever needed an escape.”

His kindness shocked me. I can’t say I know the Illyrian well, but this gesture spoke a lot to his character. So I sighed, of course I thought he was going to be hostile to me. Everyone should. “Oh.”

“Training starts at eight and goes to one. Come well fed and in something warm. The top of the House is colder.”

Neither of us said anything else as he left me to unpack.

______

Some weeks later I had taken Cassian up on his offer. Him and Nesta were great at kicking my ass and telling me about it. This side of both of them was far different than the ones I had seen. Here, Cassian wasn’t a prick. He was an instructor, teaching me how to defend my life and my honor. Nesta was… less Nesat. She channeled this otherworldly presence and became one with her weapon.

Me on the other hand… it was far more difficult. Fighting and battle wasn’t rooted in my blood like it was for Cassian. It was much harder for me to get it but I sorta did. Sorta. 

“Just keep working on that footwork and it’ll help with the sword placement. If you’re solid by the end of the week, I’ll put a real one in your hands,” Cassian grinned, chucking me my practice weapon. 

It brought a quick smile to my face. As fast as it was there it was gone. Like most these days. 

When I got home, I rifled through my closet. Brown and green and cream colored shirts after another. Where was that Night Court Blue one I had gotten a long time ago? I could’ve sworn I plucked it from the pile on the floor- no, that was a towel. I was planning on wearing it to dinner at the River House tonight for Mor’s birthday.

Oh, Yn has it. I had given it to her to wear for a meeting with a realtor when looking at properties. She had tucked it into this black leather skirt.

I’ll swing by on my way to the party to get it. Mor always liked the color on me, and said it brought out the fire in my hair. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

After a shower and some other outfit choices, I can’t help but want that blue shirt. I’ll just go get it.

Through the falling leaves, I make my way down the street, across it, and to the meadow. There are six or seven houses with smoke billowing out of their chimneys. But there, right in the distance, is her house. She’ll be at her restaurant tonight so I know I’m safe. 

I scurry up the path, still worried about being seen for some reason. 

Has it been easy these past couple weeks? No. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her. Or dream of anything but her. It’s awful. Not her, but the fact that somehow, someway, she is still everywhere I am. In those memories in the darkest part of the night. The darkest part of my mind reserved for her and her only. 

I hadn’t dared to go visit Elain. I don’t feel the need anymore. Which is relieving and frightening at the same time. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my heart that nothing will fill. Not even training. It proves a good secondary distraction, but nothing can suppress the primary guilt I feel every waking–

What is that smell? I stopped just shy of the door, key in hand. It wants to smell like the rest of the smoke and ash wafting into the air from the nearby cabins, but it’s… more alive? What if she left the stove on? Or a candle? There are hints of woods mixed into it, but not the type of woodsy scent from pine or maple logs. 

I jam the key in as fast as I can to unlock the door. What if she left the fireplace burning or had an electrical fire or-

In the span of five seconds, three things happened. One: Yn was here. And she looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and full of color. Two: she was being held by someone, his hands on her cheeks. Three: boiling rage shot through when I realized who it was.

Eris.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

[b0nebroth]

♱ You're so Creepy ♱ p.2

Zombie!Matt x Emo!Reader p.1

Z!Matt pic made by @so0thsayer ^^

╰┈➤ No pronouns, Reader mostly referred to as 'You', only 1 use of Y/N, emo is not mentioned in this part btw

Warnings: Description of a zombie, creepiness, lonely reader, not properly proof read

In your small town there was always a myth about monsters that roam the woods at night, monsters that were once alive… once human… but you know this is no myth…

The next few days everything scared you, even though you had convinced yourself that what you saw out your window wasn't real, the memory of looking death in the face still scared you. For days you couldn't sleep properly out of fear that the corpse would climb through your window in the middle of the night. You wouldn’t even go into the woods, always walking straight home after school and staying shut inside for the rest of the evening with the windows and curtains closed.

But because you haven't gone out to the tombstone in a while you've started to feel just as isolated as when you first got here, not talking to anyone, not leaving the house, lost in your own thoughts. The grave of the unknown person helped you, honestly it saved you. You could talk about whatever you wanted and it would listen, you miss it.

Recently you’ve been feeling a little better, less scared of everything around you, so you decided to be brave and go see your friend.

The slow walk through the dense woods was frightening, every rustle or crunch would make you yelp, scared that the monster boy from your nightmares would jump out and eat your brains. Eventually you recognised the trees and surroundings as the ones close to the rock and you started to get excited at the thought of being able to talk to it once more and apologising for neglecting it the past few weeks but quickly, you stop dead in your tracks.

There is a young boy standing in front of the grave, slouched and hunched over like a sluggish dying body, he looks a sickly green colour and his matted, shaggy hair falls over his face. His clothes are like dirty old rags and they hang off his body in a lifeless way. You almost ask if he's ok until you notice the gigantic hole in front of the tombstone and the amount of dirt on the boy’s hands.

Suddenly you came to the frightening realisation that what you saw outside your window that night wasn’t all in your head, it was real. And so are the stories of monsters and beasts in the forest, because you met one.

You let out a shocked gasp and your hand flies over your mouth in an attempt to hide from the corpse of a man in front of you but his head slowly drags over to your direction, his dark and frightening eyes landing on your frozen pose. It is only now that you really get a good look at him, his features are sharp and shrunken but there is something curious and inviting in the way he looks at you. There is a stitch that runs from the middle of his cheek to the middle of his nose and his mouth is open like he is about to say something but the words won't come out.

You slowly lower your hands from your mouth and shuffle forward ever so slightly, testing to see if he would jump at you and rip your face off. Thankfully he didn't, he actually flinched away from you. “Oh- no don’t worry… I wont hurt you.” You mumble in response to his fear. At your words he relaxes his shoulders (not like they weren't already slouched) and you inch closer to him, studying his rotten features; the dark bags under his eyes, somehow his lips and eyelids are both blue and pink making him look both alive and dead. You stop in front of him as he stares at you with his prominent blue eyes, not being able to fully read his emotions.

 “Is- is this your grave?” You ask, glancing down at the hole and then back up at him. His head slowly nods in a way that looks like it's about to fall off and grunts, deep from the back of his throat. The corner of your lips start to quirk up in a smile realising the wish you made that night accidentally became true.

At an agonisingly slow pace you and the decrepit boy walk back to your house in silence, too scared and in shock to say anything while you drag him along by the forearm, helping him not trip over on branches or rocks along the path. When you arrive outside your house you’re extremely cautious as to not let anyone see him while you open your bedroom window and help him get in before he lands on the ground with a loud thud, thank the lord your parents aren’t home.

You climb in the window after him and help him up off the ground by his arm, being careful with it as you're scared you're gonna rip it off or something. As he stands in front of you with his slouched posture, staring at you intensely, you feel like you should be waking up from a dream any moment now and your eyes will open to the bright, warm sunlight coming through your bedroom window, shining directly on your bed in a soft, comforting way. But you never wake up. There really, truly, is a zombie in your room, staring at you like he either wants to rip off your face or kiss you.

While you are stuck in your thoughts the corpse's hand slowly lifts up and he raises a finger that falls to the top of your chest, tapping a little before he gets out a low grunt. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion as you stare at him, trying to figure out what he is doing or asking. In an almost frustrated tone he grunts again, this time louder and he nods his head towards you. “M-Me?” He slightly nods a little and taps your chest, trying to convey something without words like a game of charades.

 “Mmmame” The boy spurts out in an unintelligible way. “Mm- my- my name?” You say pointing to yourself slightly and he nods, seeming happy you finally understood what he wanted. “I’m Y/N… uhm- what’s your name?” You hesitantly ask, not sure if he remembers or could even say it if he did. Slowly he brings the finger on your chest up to his and his mouth hangs open slightly while he groans. “Mmmatt…” He mumbles in a way that seems like it took a lot of effort as he sighs after and his hand falls back down to his side. “Matt? Your name is Matt?” You question and he once again nods in response with a croaky groan falling from his limp lips. You slightly smile at him and feel heat slowly rise on your cheeks as your head tilts curiously while you look at him, you like the name, you think it suits him in a weird sort of way. 

Divider by @sister-lucifer ^^

A/N: this one is a little longer but i hope u enjoy also sorry for the lack of romance so far jajaja😭

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝐹𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑇𝑒𝑦𝑣𝑎𝑡, 𝑇𝑤𝑜 𝑂𝑢𝑡𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠

Genshin Masterlist

Mondstadt was far too peaceful, compared to the modern world of your planet. There was more greenery, more land to run around and just sit back and relax, trees and flowers weren't withered or tainted with cement...

And now, you were taking your words back as fast as Usain Bolt once ran.

Perhaps the outside of the city was just as you described, but the city? The City was the worst.

Children crying and screaming, people flocking around you and exclaiming their gratitude, elders praising you for your strength and beauty while telling how pretty and strong children you would have, how you were one of the fairest and most fierce maidens of the city and how blessed you were for having a face very similar to their Champion...

Aether's situation was worst, as he was soon surrounded with the teens of Mondstadt who had literal heart eyes for him, staring at his naked abdomen time to time as he blushed deeply while trying not to break anyone's heart...

You were starting to reconsider your early thought of settling here one day.

Your brain was turned into a puddle of jello, their constant talking doing nothing to relax your already throbbing head. Not even rubbing your temples worked, something that eased your school stress which often made your poor nape throb.

And the only way to just ease your poor abused mind, was to come to the Windrise where it was most peaceful with the almost-there hum of the nature and the huge tree

"Don't you think Lisa and Amber are like sisters?" you casually tell to Aether while extending a hand to touch the branch above your head as the shorter male looks up at you from the food he was eating, a kind of sandwich from your world that he was sure he would beg you to prepare more often.

It was one of the best snacks he ever had, and even tasted...familiar.

"Why do you say so?" He raised his brows with a questioning look, already preparing to hear yet another bizarre thing out of your mouth like you usually did whenever you were too bored, while wiping the leftovers on his lips with a napkin you offered so that he didn't use his dirty hands like an uncultured boy.

Nah uh, not on your watch.

" Amber does all of Lisa's footwork. Elder sisters also ask, rather demand, their little sibling to do something for them to laze around." You hummed all-too-knowingly with a shrug, slapping the branch softly with a smile.

He only hummed for a few seconds, pondering for an answer while looking through his previous memories with his sister. Although he forgot most of his memories, he was still able to remember Lumine and all the bickering they did.

And that alone put a smile on his face.

"Hmm... Since me and my sister are the same age, we always used to decide with playing rock, paper and scissors. How about you Y/N?"

"Oh... Uh, It's actually... Something I really don't want to talk about." you trailed off, clear discomfort written on your face as you and Aether sat side by side with Paimon laying on the green field like a starfish, looking up at the Tree of Vanessa and watching the slimes slowly go away to their path, totally unaware of the awkwardness that hung on the air.

But you also knew, from the almost teary eyes Aether had that he missed Lumine and needed to just vent... Even if you didn't wish to speak of your life back on Earth.

"How about Lumine? How is she like?" you asked him with a sigh, tightening your hold on your folded legs and resting your head on your knees as you turned your head to look at him with a soft smile. From what you vaguely knew, while Aether was a sunshine and more approachable due to his cute and round face, Lumine seemed more calm and collected and more likely to beat someone up and not be sorry.

Though she also had her soft and loving moments occasionally. As a matter of fact, you saw yourself in her even when you hadn't actually met her yet... A girl, looking so tough and strong, also sarcastic and funny in her own way, but is actually very vulnerable and in dire need of someone understanding her struggles and pain, and still loving and being there for her.

You could have become such good friends with her...

But you just... couldn't help wondering what happened to them. Why were they there? What did they see or experience enough to leave this world in a hurry? Why the Gods of this world didn't leave them be? What was beyond what others saw in them?

What did the Celestia plan for them this time?

You widened your eyes as your heart started beating erratically, all the while trying not to alert Aether, who was looking at the horizon, from your sudden fear, your mind was suddenly blank at what just crossed your mind. What was even this Celestia you just said? And what did it mean "this time"? You were so sure that you didn't know this world, you couldn't possibly know anything since you just started playing the game and getting into the lore, watching theory edits and such.

And you definitely hadn't read any books about the history of this world either. Then what was that sudden thought thar crossed your mind? Why did it sound like you knew this would happen and this Celestia?

The only thing you had gotten close to knowing about this world was that time when you first met Storm Terror and... a strange bard who talked to that dragon...

Who stared at you with a shocked face, eyes wide with terror and sadness as he looked at you tearfully, as if he had seen his lost lover after years of death taking his love away.

As if a war had wracked both him and whatever he held dear to himself forever to not give what he once blissfully had but never realized it. As if he had seen the ghost of a friend, or a lover right before him when he thought he would never.

Why am I thinking about such things? I mean sure, he was pretty cute with his big green and turquoise eyes and I literally felt my heart broke for him after he made such a kicked puppy face but... I don't even know him! Who is he anyways, and why do I feel like I know both him and that dragon? Why did such a terrifying creature literally whined at the first sight of me?

And your eyes just drifted up, where a land was floating slowly above, close to Mondstadt as if flauntly, as if to showcase its own power, to tell the humans below that they were the ones in power and that they could end them with just one single blow...

Arrogant jackasses... Those fucking, good for nothing Gods, thinking so highly of themselves yet still hiding...

Something inside of you told you that for whatever reason, you would see both that bard and dragon once again and then, you could demand some answers from him. Maybe it was a bit harsher than usual saying in such situation where you didn't even know that bard and therefore couldn't have any problem to begin with but, could anyone blame you for your fear, nerves and behaviour when you didn't know anything and anyone, not even about your travelling partners?

So, as weird as this whole situation was and you were getting the creeps because of it as if you were being watched, you were still happy to be here with Aether and hopefully learn more about him and his sister.

Maybe I could become friends with her too when all this ends and we find her? I wonder what she likes though, I hope she doesn't beat me up because I would be really sad but happy to be beaten by a strong, pretty-

At his silence that made the little balloon in your mind pop, which was enough to tell you that he wasn't ready to talk about her yet, you pondered for another way for him to open up without causing discomfort to him.

"What... exactly happened when you wanted to get out, Aether? And above all, why did you want to get out in a hurry?" you asked softly, not wanting to startle and trigger him since his eyes seemed lost as he concentrated on somewhere far away and also, not to dive deep in your own thoughts of being beaten by strong and pretty women.

He turned to you when he heard your voice after minutes of silence, focusing on your eyes as he shrugged his shoulders. He trully didn't remember much, he even barely remembered telling you that he and his sister was leaving in a hurry.... Perhaps, it was another play of that Unknown God to make him weaker, to enslave him forever.

He was going to have his revenge oh so badly, he swore it.

"I don't remember... All I remember is that feeling of panic and fear before the Unknown God came and another shooting star protected us before everything went black and I woke up near that shore."

You nodded your head absentmindedly, plucking a Windwheel Aster to play with as your mind played the familiar screen play where you needed to choose one twin over the other to save.

Which was just a while ago before you suddenly woke up here.

However, it was strange enough that there was a shooting star which protected them from the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles, Asmoday, though he was yet to know her true name. From someone way too powerful than anyone on Teyvat, even the Archons.

But yet again, it was only normal. Archons were once normal Gods who lived in Celestia, before whatever it was that resulted in the ruined buildings, abandoned castles and desolate lands all across this vast world.

Yet...

Since the world was changing with your presence here, obviously since you were not from the game and lore... Would you dare to change the destiny of this world? Of all the people you will meet, of Aether and Lumine? Of Paimon on who you had no idea over as to what or who she is?

Do you dare to go against Celestia, as a human who didn't have a chance against Them even when a God had a slim one at deceiving and fighting that power?

These were definitely not in the game... Just what else is different than the game version?

Apart from the uncertainty this new reveal brought to you, which was initially another side that excited you, life in Mondstadt was... Peaceful for the most part.

It seems their Archon did a good job with maintaining what they were created for: Freedom.

Even imagining what future days may hold for you in this city, the secrets those ruins held, the kind of history they hid and what you could discover there filled you with a buzzing feeling that almost made you shake with excitement. After all, playing through a screen and actually witnessing them were way different.

Spoiler alert: You didn't like those Ruin Guards.

But even amidst your happiness, the one feature you had thanks to your more shy and reserved self back in your world since no one really paid attention to you started working: Picking on the mood of people close to you.

And in this case, it was Aether who was your stark contrast, sitting with a face close to breaking apart.

At first glance, Aether almost seemed like he didn't care about what happened to him. His eyes were hard most of the times, even when he didn't talk about his sister, and since he was kind of selectively mute because he didn't understand Teyvat language and you and Paimon were the ones who talked to him and communicated with others in his stead, that's why people often thought of him to be too harsh and hard to get close to.

If only they knew how wrong they were, if only they knew he had such a golden heart as you stared at his teary golden orbs as the boy slowly broke apart after months of being alone.

"And just like that... I lost both my sister and powers as some kind of seal was casted upon me and now, we are trapped here." Aether spoke out in a whisper, too low for you to hear had you been a few meters away from him as he clenched his hands angrily, veins popping up by the sheer force he applied at remembering the smug face of that Unknown God that trapped him here.

You always knew how lonely and hard it must be for Aether, with no one else to talk to like you did and no one to spend time casually with. Humans, whether on Earth or some other universe, always needed to be social whether they liked it or not. The humankind had always been that way, always seeking out closure and companionship and never wanting to be alone. If asked "What do you fear the most?", most people here would answer with "Archons." probably with "being alone" being the second most given answer.

But Aether had been alone for the longest time and possibly fought with many Gods in other worlds and this one, just to get out of here with his sister.

He experienced all the fears of ordinary people.

Paimon could always fly to wherever she wanted and eat without a problem, and even go for her own journey if she wanted. You could always ask for help from people and even hang out with them freely without worrying about anything and there wouldn't be a huge language barrier between you and them as well, unlike a certain short blondie.

Paimon could find another travelling buddy, you could settle down here and even build a new life for yourself.

Aether had no one and no way to do such things.

How could I be so stupid to not see this before?! He must have felt too bad as I hung out with Kaeya! Like a lonely kitten only wanting its owner..!

"You know... You are not alone here." you tentatively spoke, after internally scolding yourself for being carried away from the excitement of being in Mondstadt, carefully weighing your words as you slowly touched his hand, to which he lifted his head slowly in shock and stared at your star-shaped eyes that seemed to captivate him even more with each day.

"What do you mean? Have I suddenly started to understand their language or something?" he sarcastically asked with a slight hint of amusement, which he only did with you and not Paimon because your reactions were better, making you sigh out and pinch his cheeks harshly with a giggle as you cooed at his flustered state.

"Getting sarcastic now, are we? Oh my, I didn't know you had that side of you!" he rolled his eyes sarcastically at your dramatic gesture, swatting your hand away. But as the noisy little shit you were, you kept pestering him and nudge him with a wide smile that Aether couldn't dare to erase.

Enjoyment, nowadays, was hard to find for him after all.

He continued to look at you and listen to you excitedly talk, even though he knew it was because of your nerves by how hard you were chewing on your lips and fiddling with your fingers. Unaware, you kept on talking while putting stray hairs behind your ear to push them aside, all futile attempts too mask your nervousness from what you were about to stay...

And whether they would come off as offensive.

"I mean, obviously, me and Paimon can't be like your sister and we absolutely have no intention to do so but we are your friends. If you have something troubling you, you come to us. If you want to talk about anything, absolutely anything, you come to me. Because let's be real, Paimon would probably pull it towards foods and I'm rambling but you got the idea-

"Thank you... Y/N..."

"And I mean, I know I could be very-wait, what?"

You stammered nervously in shock at what left Aether's mouth so softly with a deep emotion, not expecting the chuckle that left his lips breathlessly next at your shock. His giggle was really cute, something that eased your worried heart and almost made you think everything was back to normal and that you two were just simple people hanging out together and not trying to roam this world for a way to get out.

But he was trully grateful, grateful for your attempts of making him feel better, always looking out for ways to look after him, being his friend...

Everything.

"I know you don't trust us yet, but I can assure you that as long as I am alive, I'll make sure you see your sister again and travel worlds again." you finalized what you had to say with a firm yet soft pat on Aether's back, promising him just like the time you had to choose one of them with a heavy heart and let the other be taken.

Like the first time you felt like a true villain.

Aether only gave you a wide yet tearful smile as he nodded his head, the light of the Sun of Teyvat hitting on both of your skins and making them appear to be so soft that you almost thought it was coming behind a silk cloth.

After all, he wasn't going to be alone anymore... After fighting his demons in the dead of the night for so long, without anyone really understanding his struggles...

He now had another friend, another one who understood him and how traumatic it was to be trapped in a completely foreign world.

Seeing you finally broke every kind of ice between you two, and since you didn't want to be sad all day when the weather was so nice, you hugged him tightly from his shoulders with a wide smile, opening your palm to show the vast greenery before you which was a blessing of Mondstadt and their Archon... well, whoever that fucker was now.

"Besides! You can't really get rid of me that easily! I have this bad habit of never separating from those I deem very close," you whispered the last part almost threateningly, leaning closer to his ear with a hand covering your mouth and his ear as if there was someone that could hear you, unaware of the heavy blush covering his whole face while he avoided looking down at your lips unconsciously...

A sudden, soft murmur broke you two apart harshly.... And saved Aether from the embarrassment by giving him enough time to dip his whole face to the cold water at the Windrise.

" So, does this make you and Aether my siblings, Y/N?" you flinched when you heard the childish yet sleepy voice of Paimon suddenly, who grew on you even if she sometimes got on your nerves. She was stretching as much as her tiny body would allow, slapping her lips loudly as she yawned and looked around with wide and curious eyes as if she wasn't here hours before she slipped into a deep slumber

Nonetheless, you couldn't help but coo at her cute question with a hand over your chest as Aether chuckled next to you while looking at Paimon who was sitting in front of you both before patting her head and confirming her...

Well, that was before she decided to become a little menace to you once again.

"Wait, wha- Aww you are so cute for-"

"Since you do all the footwork and I float-"

A cheeky grin from her as you groaned.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" An irritated scowl was plastered on your face with brows raised in question at the floating emergency food, the latter wheezing at the expression of your face while Aether tried to cover his giggles to be spared from your wrath ( which only earned him a slap to the back of his head because how dare he get satisfaction from such thing!).

But as much as betrayed you were from Paimon fooling you, it was also... kind of funny, what she said. She was really like a kid who didn't have a filter on her mouth and mind, never knowing when and what was the appropriate time to say something... That was perhaps what made her endearing in your eyes.

"Come on, Y/N, I can see your smile! I know you found it funny!"

"...Maybe, yes, it was funny." you grumbled to which they let out a loud yay! and you smiled at their enthusiasm with tired yet content eyes as silence settled once again. Paimon eyed you and Aether for a few seconds, admiring how pretty and strong you looked as you allowed Aether to lean his whole weight onto you and laid his head comfortably on your shoulder while she wasn't in any different position as she laid across your lap, with your hand slowly caressing her hair and pat her head.

For some reasons, you always gave off of a comforting vibe ever since they saw you or well, you saw them, timidly getting close to them to ask if you could sit with them near the fire they had built, promising that you wouldn't hurt them. They were suspicious at first just as any normal person would be, but Aether couldn't find it in his heart to decline you when you looked so helpless, just like he first woke up in Mondstadt apparently and didn't know anything, desperately in need of help.

You reminded him of himself, helpless and unaware of the dangers that laid ahead.

What sealed the deal for you and them, since they had eyed you all throughout the night for any suspicious move, and since Aether was laying down from the deep cut he got from his abdomen and bleeding, but was only met with a happy tune you muttered under your breath while getting warm with a contented smile, was how easily you got up and drew your dual blades- which they soon learnt them to be actually a spear that could be connected to each other- to protect them from a horde of hilichurls and even two Abyss Mages, with burning red and blue flames engulfing your blades and later the enemy.

The only thing you gave to them that night was a serene smile as you pointed to his wound with a worried expression, which made them both wince with guilt from how badly they thought of you when you only cared to protect them.

"Your wound looks bad... I have some ointments I made myself and I know how to sew a wound, letting it stay open like that would surely make it get infected. If you allow me, may I help you, young travellers who helped me?" and then a gorgeous smile that captured them.

And as you prepared everything while making small talk with Aether to draw his attention elsewhere from the numbing pain of his wound, initially learning you both were not from this world, that was when your fates aligned together which would change the fate of all of the Teyvat.

Suddenly, you three had become each other's companions and the others' everything.

And as she laid on your lap comfortably Paimon felt... bad and even saddened for you, feeling like crying suddenly as she stared at your protective hold on both of them even while you rested, being completely exposed to any kind of danger, although they knew there were no hilichurls or Abyss Mages close by.

You have always been there for both of them, protected them even when you barely knew them, patched them up, cooked them food and even gave some of yours to Paimon because she loved that particular dish so much or to Aether both because he was hurt and he was usually the one who did most of the work and needed energy more than you...

You have always been sacrificing something for them and what had they ever done to repay beck for all the kindness and love you gave them?

So far, nothing... They didn't exactly have a lot of Mora , even with new commissions they were taking and besides, you always refused to have a share of it since you three needed to either buy food or medicinal items and strictly prohibited them from buying anything for you like a mother scolding her children from spending too much for them.

"I don't need anything to know that you care for me and love me, sillies! Just be happy, healthy and make sure to not hurt yourselves too much and we're fine! Seriously, you are giving me grey hairs..."

Perhaps they couldn't show their love however they wanted to, per your orders, but she could definitely tell you how much you and Aether meant for her!

"Besides the footwork joke... Paimon never really had a family, or at least doesn't remember having one. So, Paimon is very happy to have such strong and caring siblings!" she smiled serenely, genuinely as she tilted her head to look up at you both, knowing full well that neither of you were actually sleeping from the small smiles you both supported. She nuzzled closer to your lap happily with a relaxed sigh, not caring whether you heard or not because she was so damn sure you did.

Paimon really could be so damn adorable when she wanted....

She didn't have to know, but both you and Aether were keeping your eyes closed just so that Paimon wouldn't get worried because of the tears that blurred your visions from what she said so earnestly, her touching words reaching the depths of your heart.

"We really are a strange Trio, huh? Two Outlanders, one pixie baby who refuses to be our little emergency food-" you idly sighed out with hands smoothing down their hair gently, making them both sigh and nuzzle closer to you... Though Paimon was just a tiny bit agitated because of what you said about her.

"For God's sake, come on!" you giggled in the most evil way possible at her growing irritation and kicking her legs up in the air angrily but continued anyways with little to no care.

Hah, that's what you get for always teasing me!

"One can easily understand this world's weird language and also the language of his other outlander companion, but doesn't have any other super powers-"

"They are called Visions!"

"And even so, it seems that some people noticed our strange behaviour..." You mumbled to yourself in worry as your hand momentarily stopped in mid-action, head lifting up to look at the city far from you three, standing on the lake and bustling with energy.

Oh yes, Lisa and Jean had their own suspicions about your powers. Both you and Aether seemed like normal people on the outside, but Aether could easily use Anemo vision and not get affected by the venomous tears of the dragon Dvalin.

And you? You used a different, much more powerful kind of fire than anyone else, wielded a long and heavy spear (something less than 3 people or so did in Mondstadt), and somehow... Understood Teyvat language and Aether's mother tongue without any difficulties even when you weren't from either one of the worlds.

"It's still very strange. Even if It's obvious they are exceptional and strong people, neither Y/N nor Aether seems to be affected by Dvalin's tear..." Jean mumbled curiously from her position near the window, staring sternly at you two as you shuffled closer to Aether to shield him and Paimon. That was, until your attention was taken away by Lisa who circled around you like a predator does to its prey, a finger touching your chin and turning your head to her direction flirtitously with a slight pout.

"Besides, StormsTerror seemed much calm and soft when its eyes landed on our cutie Y/N... I wonder why, have you ever interacted with a dragon before perhaps?"

To be honest, you also didn't have the answer for that. While you were floating up in the air with Aether, cross firing at the vicious dragon to stop it from harming the City....

You felt a sudden sting deep in your heart which threatened to tear you apart when its eyes found yours.

And no, it wasn't because of the glider Amber gifted you weighing on your back, making it harder to breathe since you weren't used to... floating.

It was as if you were hurting a very dear old friend, a family that was once your everything and a part of your soul.

Besides that chest piercing pain you still continued to experience even after that dragon flew away, what was that mysterious voice that helped easing your scared heart as the wind gently caressed your whole body and mostly face, as if phantom fingers rubbed your cheeks and head to map your whole face, and helped you with making StormsTerror leave Mondstadt for some time right after helping Aether with some shitty Mages that appeared out of nowhere?

Don't worry Windblume, I won't let you go. Not this time... Now concentrate and feel the wind in your veins just like you did before...

It was so soft, so loving yet... Also so pained, so hollow as if he missed a great part of him, as if he was trying to make up for a mistake he has done as you felt a sudden surge of power in you, a sweet pain on your back and just like that...

Five Mages were down with a flick of your spear.

"I just hope we didn't make their job harder than before with our presence..." You sighed after a long while, those thoughts still lingering at the back of your head and tapped their heads gently to get them to move since the sun was slowly setting and you needed to go back to the city where Jean kindly prepared a room for you three in the headquarter... After she asked what you needed since you three saved the city.

All of you first declined, but after Paimon and Aether left the room completely, you turned to Jean and with a stern face, asked for only a room which Aether would never have even a speck of information about you asked for it.

Fortunately, she understood your reasoning and with a kind smile, and even more respect growing in her for you, she offered whichever room you wished to have alongside new clothes and three courses of meal and told Aether that it was a "special thank you to the Honarary Knights from the Knights of Fovanius" and to have both of you closer in case of emergency.

Thank her and her brains, no wonder she is the Dandelion Knight and the Acting Grand Master...

"But just as Amber said, the number of hilichurls and Abyss Mages decreased significantly! Paimon wonders if it has something to do with Aether or Y/N!" Paimon exclaimed curiously as she watched you pack up and usher them both to go to their merry way as you turned abruptly, pointing to your chest unbelievingly and looking around.

"Me? Why though?"

She kicked her legs up in the air frustratedly, swiping her palm through the air and showing the nature around her as if it was an obvious fact and you were a fool for not seeing it....

And you trully didn't get it.

Seeing your confusion, Aether chuckled as he lead Paimon to float before you two started bickering again as he started to explain as much as he could.

"They always liked hanging out with you and even protected you... An insane part of me even thinks that they know you're in Mondstadt and therefore, don't want to disturb you since they know you are safe and happy."

Life truly didn't turn out the way Aether had wanted, and probably would never. His life had taken a sharp tune as soon as he and Lumine chose this world to travel next and... All of you knew how it ended.

But now, it wasn't so bad like it used to be months ago. Every day, even every hour, he was met with yet another extraordinary person or habit and it intrigued him a lot. Learning all about the people of Teyvat, what they did for living and their history, hanging out with people... He loved doing all those things, it made him feel like he was back to being the previous Aether before all the chaos happened.

Even though he knew he shouldn't get too attached and form bonds that would be broken in the end inevitably... when he finds his sister and leave the world behind. But maybe... Maybe he could get to bring you and Paimon with himself too? It wasn't like you couldn't, you definitely could land on another world since you were also an Outlander. There was a chance that Paimon couldn't, since he still didn't know of her origins, but he would fight Gods and Archons if he needed, so that he could keep his family together.

His sister, who was the literal half of his soul. Paimon who was always there to help him out and make him enjoy the life Teyvat could offer while guiding him and you... You, who always had tragic yet also comedic stories to tell them from your world whenever they get uncomfortable in some ways. You, who roasted people with your sharp tongue and quick mind, while being a total menace and gremlin, whenever they didn't take no for an answer since Aether didn't want to offend anyone and just did everything they wanted as the "helpful boy" he always was...

or whenever people didn't believe him whenever he said he was probably a lot older than their Archon because of his young, baby face.

Oh yeah... He was very doomed as he already got attached to you and the floating baby you always sweetly called.

"If you can consider being in a city where people worship 'The Champion' that eerily looks like me who fought alongside Barbatos for many times and face a huge statue of the said-champion every day being happy and safe... Then yes, I definitely am!"

Aether snorted at the sarcastic answer he got from you and the dramatic flip of your hair, not being able to help the fake-disappointed shake of his head as he watched you fondly with hands on either sides of his hip.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Probably bear with me and my awesome self and amazing jokes, and also love me!" You turned around with a gleeful smile, hair floating up and dress swiping through the sudden wind that engulfed you softly and in that moment, he wished that the smile you always had would never disappear.

That you wouldn't loose the happiness and hope blossoming in your eyes with each new day greeting you.

And he thought, whatever strange things revolved around you and the mysteries even you didn't know about yourself...

He would always be there for you, just like you did and will continue to do with him.

You would get to solve all the mysteries and puzzles about just who this "Champion" was and their link to you. Meet and demand answers from that Archon about his sister and the Champion whom he was always depicted together with and maybe... Maybe, at least one of you would be able to get rid of that fog which clouded your memories.

And with that, three of you entered the safety of the walls of the City of Freedom once again... A place where you already started calling "home".

Unaware of what was waiting for your group in the headquarters.

[dialovers-lover-xoxo]

❌ NSFW Warning: This post contains explicit sexual content. If you are a minor or that kind of content makes you uncomfortable please do not read under the cut! ❌

Yuma x Female Reader Smut

Handcuffs, teasing, begging, vulgar language, oral, fingering

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The sound of the handcuffs snapping onto the bed's headboard went straight to your core, intensifying the aching in between your legs. Yuma trailed his hand down the valley of your breasts and stomach, chuckling. "I like seeing ya all tied up, Sow." You giggled. "You see this sight often enough." He kissed your breast and you let out a sigh of pleasure. He lifted his head again and said, "I won't ever be able to get enough of ya." Despite the fact you and Yuma have been together so long, you felt a blush form on your cheeks and your body filled with warmth.

Yuma leaned down, pressing kiss after kiss on your breasts, trailing his tongue down your stomach. Reaching your core he flicked his tongue over your clit briefly. Your thighs jerked. He looked up at you and chuckled. "I can't get enough of your taste." "Taste me more, please." He grinned and obeyed, burying his face inside your thighs and began to eat you out. "Ohhhh...." you moaned, your legs already twitching at the delicious sensations his tongue gave you. "Mmm..." your legs jerked again and he held them down with his strong hands.

It felt amazing as his tongue stroked your folds expertly, loving every inch of you. He kissed the insides of your thigh and you giggled until he bit your flesh lightly and you yelled. He chuckled again. He pressed a kiss to your clit before circling his tongue with it. "Yuma!" You bucked your hips. "Fuck, I love your taste." "More." It was a demand, but your pleading tone took any force out of it. Nevertheless, Yuma complied with your wishes.

You felt yourself approaching release and you twisted and writhed on the bed, moaning as your body heated up and your sex pulsed. Normally you would've grabbed onto Yuma's hair, or maybe the bedsheets, but you were handcuffed to the bed and all you could do was thrash as your lover's tongue brought your closer to the edge. The inability to grab onto something was frustrating but it aroused you beyond words that you had to be entirely focused on the pleasure, with no way to alleviate your tension.

It built until you shattered, crying out. Yuma licked his lips. He kissed up your stomach and inserted one of his fingers. "Mm!" Yuma watched through half-lidded eyes as his finger pumped in and out of you. "Fuck, you're so goddamn wet." You giggled, even as the pleasure increased in intensity. "Well, you certainly made sure of that." You teased and Yuma grinned, still eyeing your womanhood. "Trust me, you were wet for me on your own, Sow." Heat flushed your cheeks.

Yuma climbed over you, naked, strong and tall. You admired his abs, his eyes, his broad shoulders and your toes curled in delight. "You like what you see, huh?" He asked in a deep voice. "Yeah." You breathed out the same time he kissed you. He settled in between your legs on his knees.

With a wicked grin, he began to rub his length against you, close enough to your entrance, but never penetrating you. "Yuma!" You whined in complaint. The aching down there was almost unbearable, you needed him to fill you. This time Yuma didn't cooperate. He kept rocking his hips, so close to your entrance, ghosting over it but never actually inserting himself. "Yuma!" You lifted your legs and wrapped them around his waist. He exhaled, definitely aroused by that. "Not yet, Sow." "Don't you want to be inside me?" You tried, making a pleading face and arching your back, making sure the movement would move your breasts. Yuma's eyes raked over you.

He stretched out, never breaking eye contact, guided himself to your entrance and slowly pushed in. Your jaw dropped and you couldn't help but moan as he filled you up. Yuma, too, couldn't hide his pleasure. His eyes closed and he let out a sexy groan. He filled you to the brim and began to thrust slowly. "Uhhh...Yuma..." you moaned. "Fuck." He breathed out and moaned your name, before dipping his head down and kissing you passionately. You kissed him back, whimpering against his mouth, which made him smile against yours.

He sped up a little and got off his forearms, holding himself up with his hands, his muscles flexing beautifully. "Fuck, you feel so goddamn good around my dick." You moaned in response, again your twisting was futile, the handcuffs making sure your wrists stayed put. Yuma got on his knees and wrapped his hands around your breasts. He went harder and faster and you kept crying out in ecstasy. He growled, fangs glinting. "Fuck, yeah, just like that. Take my cock inside you, Sow." Your legs fell open, now completely wide apart. And you bucked your hips to grind against him, loving as he rammed into you.

His shoulders tensed and his breathing quickened, you knew he was getting close, and so did he. He continued fondling your breasts with one hand and moved the other one down to flick your clit. The combination of his length pumping inside you and him circling your clit made you close to your release faster than normal. Yuma growled again before reaching releasing, cumming inside you and moaning loudly. You shattered as well. Yours lasted longer than his and his eyes closed as he enjoyed your walls clamping down on him. "Fuck..." he breathed out. "I love it when you cum on my dick." He caught his breath. "Feels so fuckin' good." He kissed you and you eagerly responded. He pulled out and stretched out next to you, wrapping in his arms and pressing a kiss to your neck. You smiled. "Yuma, didn't you forget something?" You nodded up to your arms. His gaze followed your nod. He looked back at you. "Nah."

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Reblogs and feedback appreciated! ❤️

[degreedummy]

Leo/Cancer 12H + 12H Sun/Moon

Getting too comfortable in your current conditions or refusing to acknowledge how your needs have developed out of fear of looking selfish will make following your desires almost completely impossible.

For Leo 12H/12H Sun, I think you have a habit of only allowing your confidence to extend as far as people validate it, refusing to set yourself up to be the punchline of a joke you have a habit of seeing yourself as. With your ego being cast into the shadows, the only time you allow your confidence to breathe is when someone passes by with a torch. You've become accustomed to cherishing your talents in the dark so much so that you've never taken the time to explore practicing them freely.

For Cancer 12H/12H Moon, you have a habit of saying yes to every demand in a panicked attempt to avoid any conflict. Putting your needs on the back burner, you tend to only focus on making sure everyone around you succeeds no matter what, even if that means moving past you. You have a habit of being prepared for abandonment, finding your role in society to be one of an unpaid psychologist, traveling the world trying to survive off of the wished-for reciprocation that you never actually ask for.

You find no shame in second place because you know how to turn it into a platform to embolden the winner, setting your pride aside to allow them to have their day, but I think the comfort of never having the light shone on you has become detrimental to your cause. I think you find pride in being able to let pain go easily, but there tends to be a twisted past behind this habit, most usually a refusal for your original comforts to be met by people who promised you more than they were ever actually willing to give you.

You call victim to false promises, to a point that it almost feels like you intentionally fulfill your half to hear whatever pretty words they have prepared for you, completely submitting to the comfort while ignoring the backhanded disloyalty being slid in under it. There isn't anything you won't do for somebody you love, except for letting them go and allowing them to face the consequences of their own actions. You have a habit of stepping in between your friends and their fate.

You put no second thought into sacrificing whatever you have left to make sure the rest of the village eats for the night, even if that means going on hunger strike for the fifth night this week, and you need to learn when to stop. You're naturally altruistic, wanting nothing more than to see the people you love succeed, but you need to become more comfortable in questioning what that love is built on before trying to polish a rock like it's a statue. You don't need people as much as they convince you, they only recognize what they're losing without you, and you can't take it away if you're not aware of it. You're not aware of your power because you use it to apologize for not being even better.

I think part of you knows that you can let go at any time, refusing to answer the phone and accepting whatever reputation comes with it, but that's exactly why it bothers you. You never want to be known as the person who didn't help.

You never want to be known as the person who became everything they hated in the people they promised to be better than. You never want that one wrong interaction to be the career-defining moment that means nothing else you do will be taken seriously. At some point, you need to recognize your reputation isn't as fragile as the relationships people love to entrap you in. You are not either good or bad, you do not have irredeemable qualities, your willingness to try harder is all you need.

No matter how slanderous someone can be, the collective will be able to see the quality of your character through the veil of lies your own friends warn you against to keep you around. You are not helpless, people who benefit from your intentionally limited potential find comfort in enforcing your helplessness, and you need to be able to recognize the cause of the cycle if you truly want to break it.

You can't find comfort in consolation prizes and participation trophies, especially when you know the votes were intentionally mishandled to steal the win for someone else. You are not selfish for expecting, and enforcing, payment for your services. Stop working for free to make up for not working in advance, because none of the work being done is advancing you in life. Break away from people who see no value in you past what you can do for them.

[luckylarvae]

ISAT LOOP BRAIN DUMP/APPRECIATION POST????

SUPER SPOILERS FOR IN STARS AND TIME, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER, DEAR TRAVELERS, LEST YOU BECOME SPOILED. BRAVE MEN HAVE DIED HERE. NOW FLEE, THOSE OF PURE OF HEART!!!!!

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ok whores lets get to it.

GOD I love Loop from In Stars and Time, they're SUCH A WELL WRITTEN CHARACTER. Everyone in the group are such sweet hearts and Bonnie is just insensitive but they have a heart of GOLD. BUT LOOP.... Loop is the type of person who will make it worse when you're at your lowest. If you've hit rock bottom, Loop will be there to get a pickaxe and make it deeper while calling you names. If you're bleeding out dying, Loop will pour sea salt into your wounds and call you a little bitch. BUT LOOP IS ALSO NICE?????? Although they do like fucking with Siffrin a bit, they actually give legitimally good advice and do their best to help you and I LOVE THAT.  Unlike other mean characters where they're like "haha fuck you I'm miserable now im gonna make your life worse" Loop is like "haha fuck BOTH of us, haha whiny bitch, now lets try to get out of here." 

ALSO the fact that Loop used to be Siffrin IS SO FACINATING. I just played through SASASA and the ending had me go NUTZ. At the core, SASASA siff and ISAT siff are the same, with really the main difference being that ISAT siff had Loop to help them, while SASASA siff (aka Loop) had no one but themselves. They had no one to give them a reality check, no one to say "u ok bud?" and sat in an echo chamber of their own thoughts. They were also in the loops for FAR longer than Siff. Instead of the mental world ending breakdown we saw in act 5 of ISAT, SASASA siff just... numbed it out. Just an endless cycle of hearing the same monotonous thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, and dying just as much. The fact that they even forgot the gang's NAMES tell you so much. Plus, Loop was doomed to become loop from the very start. In the true ending. Considering that the wish was "I want to stay with my friends" the fact that the loop reset immediatly after killing the king is TELLING. Siffren was able to get information out of the house maiden, while Loop never even got a chance to. That means that no matter what, Loop couldn't have gathered information from the house maiden, and Siffrin most certainly couldn't have broken the cycles without asking the house maiden. That means that no matter what, Loop couldn't have broken the cycles, and was stuck in basically hell for all of eternity. That is, until (presumably after the true ending), they go to the wish tree and ask for "Anyone to help me". THAT is when Loop BECAME Loop. Loop got to help Siffrin in ISAT, and by connecting to someone who was also suffering from the cycles they were able to connect to them also. (ALSO LOOP??? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EAT A STAR??????)

This brings me to my last point. THE PERSONALITY CHANGE. Loop's personality is VERY different from Siffrin's. I have two main theories for them. One, is that Loop suffered what I'll call "Flowey syndrome" AKA: When you've "reseted" or in this case "looped" so much that you stop seeing other people as real people, and that you and the others who aren't bound by the repeats are "the real ones". This creates a false sense of superiority, as whether you like it or not, you're going to treat those around you more poorly. Added with the fact that Loop sees Siff from the start of the cycle as well as the self hate they feel, I can SMELL the amount of RAGE. You're standing at a clone of yoursef who hasn't suffered as much as you have, is living the life you once lived, and it's UNFAIR. Loop witnessed themselves reducing their friends to just mere set pieces despite them caring about them very much, while SIFFRIN (although starting to go down the same path) gets to live what loop DEARLY missed. And the fact that SIFFRIN is the one who got out with their happy ending while their friends will NEVER see Loop as Siffrin, forever robbing their past friendships, is really the final straw that caused the Loop fight. I also seriously doubt that Loop thought Siffrin was "real" as well.  To Loop, they're just a clone to them, they are the original, and Loop is the one that supposedly deserves anything. It's a huge slight to what's fair. However, here's my second, less probable but more interesting theory. Loop not only had the deal with one, but their transformation ALSO changed their personality and soul. Not only are you dealing with all of the above, but you KNOW that you are VERY much not the person you were. It's not a semi wholesome "ah, I've changed so much over the years" type of deal, but a *HORRIFYING* realization that your very being was changed. The chemistry of your soul is forever altered.  You are no longer the person you thought you were. Where there was "happy go lucky siff", there is now "bitter, angry, sarcastic loop". Loop talks about "making a personality specifically designed to annoy you", but what if that was denial? What if "Oh god, I've CHANGED. Something is HORRIBLY wrong with me and I don't know why I'm acting this way and having these thoughts. Instead, let's pretend that I'm wearing a mask of a personality, and therefore my sense of self remains stable!!!! Yippie!!!!" But at some point, the line between the face and the mask blurs, until they become one and the same. Now the question Loop has to deal with post game is this: 

"My entire identity was based in the fact that I'm Siffrin, but the people who know me best know me as Loop and not Siffrin, and this Siffrin continues to be recognized as Siffrin. Then, if I no longer look, act, or think like Siffrin... then who am I? Who is Loop?"

maybe this is my calling to write my first au who knows.

[spiritstar477]

Minific Wolfstar fluff -1011 words- G rated also posted on ao3

I love you

Remus is a fidgeter. He’s always doing something with his hands, making something. And he always gives his little creations to Sirius.

After three months of dating, he’s given Sirius:

1. a rock that matches his eyes (which Remus found by memory while in Beasts class)

2. a strand of Remus’ hair with a strand of Sirius’ hair tied around it

3. a little broomstick he made with sticks and grass (and charmed to fly around him when it’s picked up)

4. a scrunchie he crocheted with his mum over spring break (it only sort of looks like a scrunchie)

5. a random animal bone he rubbed his thumb on until it became misshapen and smooth

6. way too many origami animals that James secretly charmed to run around when Sirius says Remus’ name

And all sorts of other stuff he’s found or made. He doesn’t expect Sirius to keep any of it but he does. He keeps all of it. He charmed a box so it would always fit any small items placed inside.

They’re sitting in the library, Remus is reading and Sirius is working on a paper that he should have finished days ago.

“I love you,” Sirius tells him, leaning over to bump their shoulders. Remus flushes slightly and kisses Sirius’ head. I love you, he thinks.

Only a moment later, Sirius is swept away by James and Marlene for a sudden quidditch practice. Gideon, who’s a year below him, moves to sit across from Remus. They’re not really friends, but they’re friendly, as all the Gryffindors are with each other.

“Why don’t you say it back?” He asks. Remus cocks his head to the side, confused.

“What?” He asks.

“He said I love you. You didn’t say it back. Actually, I’ve never seen you say it back.”

“I— um…” Remus loves Sirius. He loves him more than he’s ever loved anyone or anything ever. He just doesn’t know how to tell him. He can’t make the words cross his lips when Sirius is there no matter how hard he tries.

Sirius says I love you, and instead of saying it back, Remus kisses him or hugs him or runs away with a convenient excuse of forgotten homework (which is ridiculous since they all know Remus doesn’t forget homework). It’s not that he’s not ready —he loves sirius, he knows he does— he just… can’t.

And now he’s thinking, does Sirius know? Does he know that Remus loves him? That to Remus, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened? What if he thinks Remus doesn’t love him?

He leaves Gideon without answering, gathering his stuff and quickly leaving the library. It’s almost like he blacked out because he suddenly finds himself in the astronomy tower.

It’s windy; strong enough that he’s almost worried it’ll blow him away. But he’s too caught in thought to worry about anything else.

It’s probably at least an hour before he starts talking out loud, saying the things he wishes he could say to Sirius. He has no problem saying them when he’s alone, he can even say them to Lily when he’s talking about Sirius, but when Sirius is there…

“I do love you,” he says like he’s practising what he wants to say to Sirius, though he knows he won’t be able to.

“I love you more than anything. I love every bit of you. I just…” His chest feels tight, his lungs heavy. “I don’t know how to say it. I can’t say it. When i try it feels like my stomach is going to eat its way out and my throat closes and I can’t breathe. The words are on my tongue and I know what they are but they won’t leave my mouth and—”

A floorboard creaks behind him. Remus whips around and is faced with Sirius, who’s staring at him, a small smile on his lips and eyes unreadable.

“I—” Remus tries to speak but anxiety coils in his stomach, tightening around his throat, choking him. He makes a small gasping sound.

“It’s okay,” Sirius says. He steps closer until they’re only inches apart, his gentle hands resting on Remus’ arms, grounding him. “I heard what you said. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but…” He’d heard it all?

Sirius nudges his head on Remus’ chest and smiles up at him. “I’ve always known you love me,” he tells Remus. A little sound —a sigh of relief, maybe— escapes Remus. He pulls Sirius into a hug and they stand there like that, swaying slightly in the wind.

“I know you have a hard time talking about feelings,” Sirius says into his chest. “Honestly, I thought that’s why you always give me stuff. I know you like to collect as well.”

Remus smiles into Sirius’ hair. “I don’t collect,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for Sirius to hear him over the wind.

Sirius barks a laugh at that. “Remus,” he says, leaning back to look at his face. “How many books have you reread?”

“None,” Remus says in a confused tone. “I don’t need to. I remember what I read.”

“Exactly. Yet you keep all your books because you like them. That’s collecting, Love.” As Sirius speaks, the anxiety is slowly loosening its hold on Remus.

“Oh.”

“Oh, indeed,” Sirius jokes, but his face turns serious after. “I don’t need you to tell me you love me. I already know you do. I see it when you give me things you made or found. I feel it when you look at me, when you talk to me. I feel it when I’m the only person who’s allowed to touch you.” Sirius runs his hands over Remus’ back, like proving a point.

“I like telling you that I love you. But I don’t need to hear you say it to know that you love me, okay?”

Remus smiles and pulls Sirius close again. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“For what?” Sirius asks.

“Just…” he swallows hard. “You know.”

“Yeah. I know.” And Remus can hear the smile in his voice.

[legendofmorons]

The LU boys and superstitions

Once again, I was thinking about things I grew up with/ learned about and applying it to the boys. I might add the colors and dark link later, I just couldn't think of any for them rn

Tw: mentions death

Fierce

Oh, he's so old he probably has a bunch he follows

He never leaves an empty rocking chair rocking.

He keeps any hanging horse shoes hung right side up (ends up so it's able to hold the luck)

Fierce also believes in wishing on shooting stars

First

Throwing salt over your left shoulder after you spill it

He will NOT wash clothes or clean things on new years day

Refuses to walk under ladders

Covering mirrors when someone dies in a building (stops them from becoming stuck in the mirror)

Four

Horseshoe hung up so the luck won't fall out

Breaking mirros is bad luck to him

He dosen’t have a whole lot, he thinks most wide spread superstitions are common sense

Hyrule

Ooooo boy

Faerie boy? He has some.

I think he's probably a summer /seelie fae so he probably has some superstitions around harvest time

Bottle trees keep away haints/ghosts/spirits

If your ear rings someone is talking about you

He HATES all horseshoes (iron is BAD for the fae), but if he must be near one, he would like it to be right side up

Legend

Breaking mirrors is bad luck

Rocking an empty rocking chair? No thanks, he's not inviting unknown spirits or death.

He keeps a mirror outside his house to keep away evil/the devil/ (demise??)

He eats black eyed peas on new years

He sweeps out the back door (never the front and NEVER when it's dark outside)

Will ward off evil with the three finger sign I always saw

Stays away from cross roads at night

Ravio

If you thought Legend had a bunch, Ravio has more

He has all of the one Leged has ofc

He also believes walking under ladders is bad

He covers mirrors AND stops clocks if someone passes away in his home

Holds his breathe while passing a grave yard

He always goes out the same door he came in through

He believes death comes in threes

He only walk beside his loved ones when going around a post never letting it go between them

Probably has many more

Sky

Not that superstitious actually. He tries to avoid breaking mirrors but not much else

Isn't a huge fan of black cats, but that's more because of nighttime remlits than anything

Time

By the end of his first adventure he has none

The superstitions he had believed were proven false over the years

Tries not to break mirrors but that's because he hates broken glass

Will participate in superstitions if someone he cares about asks. He knows it's out of love

Twilight

He dosen’t like empty rocking chairs that are rocking

He has a horseshoe hung up in his room to keep away bad dreams

Not too superstitious at heart, but so many people in his town are that it is basically habit for him

Warriors

Knocks on wood to keep from jinxing himself

Dosen’t gift knives to loved ones because he dosen’t want to sever the relationship

Wild

He remembers a few but isn't too superstitious

Likes four leaf clovers for luck though!

And he dosen’t clean on new years

Wind

He will knock on wood

He also likes to pick up a green rupee for luck! (Originally a penny)

He also probably wants a luck rabbit's foot

[nonsensicalramblings79]

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and parallels in OFMD

2.7k word meta

If you haven’t read my other post about why I’m talking about albatrosses in the first place, read the first part of this and come back! All of this will make the most sense if you read all of the parts I’ve written – I’ve split them up for ease of reading, because holy shit this is long.

TWs: animal death, blood, eating animals, starvation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, gunshot injuries, suicidal ideation, canon-typical mental health problems

MAJOR OFMD SPOILERS THROUGH S2E03

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Let me start out by saying that yes, this is anachronistic – this poem wasn’t written until 1798. I also don’t care: Oluwande is wearing crocs, Stede’s “corpse” is crushed by a piano whose maker won’t exist until 1863, Blackbeard’s got his whole leather-daddy getup, Zheng Yi Sao won’t be born until 1775 – OFMD plays fast and loose with historical accuracy, and I am never going to dismiss an OFMD theory because the timeline doesn’t match up :P

Now that that’s out of the way, a little bit of background information. Long summary incoming.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is a poem written by English poet Samuel Coleridge. The story is told through the words of the mariner, who has recently survived some horrifying ordeals, soon to be told to a poor unsuspecting stranger who just wants to attend a wedding. As the story goes, the mariner set out with his crew of 200-some-odd men, and everything’s going just peachy until some storms pick up and drive them toward the South Pole. Stranded and lost, the crew fear for their lives, until an albatross appears. At the same time that the albatross appears, the storms clear, the helmsman is able to make their way through the ice of the South Pole, and a southern wind picks up, pushing them back north. The albatross follows the ship, but the mariner believes that it is somehow responsible for the mists and fog that now surround the ship, so he shoots the bird with his crossbow. At that point, the fog and mists actually do clear up (by coincidence or otherwise) – and the crew praise the captain for taking down the bird.

But it’s a fickle crowd – soon the wind stops blowing, and the ship is becalmed; the crew blame the Mariner for killing the bird that had been their good luck. They sit in the middle of the ocean for days or weeks, dying of thirst. They cannot even speak, they’re so thirsty – but they make sure that the Mariner knows that he is to blame for this by tying the albatross’s body around his neck and forcing him to wear it like a grotesque necklace. Eventually, everyone on the ship except the Mariner dies (there’s a bit here about Death and Life-in-Death rolling dice to see who lives and who dies – the important part is that none of the crew survives).

Finally, the Mariner is left alone on his ship of corpses, which strangely do not smell or rot. He wishes he could die, but he doesn’t. During this time, he begins to appreciate what there is left to appreciate – the life around him in the ocean, in the air, “all things both great and small” – and the curse is lifted from him. The albatross detaches from around his neck and sinks into the ocean.

From this point on, the story goes about as you’d expect – the curse being lifted, the wind picks up again, setting the Mariner speeding back home (though, perhaps unexpectedly, his crew gets to come back as zombies for a short while to man the ship until it reaches land again, at which point they die again. RIP). As the ship is coming upon the Mariner’s homeland, it sinks like a rock to the bottom of the ocean – a hermit happens to see the Mariner floating out there and comes to pick him up, thinking he’s dead. When the Mariner opens his eyes, the hermit believes him to be the Devil himself (I mention this only because I think the wording of “Demon? I’m the fuckin’ Devil” lines up perfectly with this).

As penance for shooting the albatross (as if all of this so far wasn’t enough), the Mariner spends the rest of his days wandering the earth, telling his story and making random wedding-goers sad.

HOO BOY, that was a lot. (A whopper, one might say.) Thanks for sticking with me so far.

Now, some of the parallels between this poem and the events of OFMD are more neat and tidy than others are. The biggest parallel, obviously, is the link between the albatross and the “impossible birds” that Ed references in S2E01 – the entire reason I started reading this poem to begin with. The links between the show and the poem are not ones that I think the characters in the show (Ed) are consciously making. I think these allusions more reflect the themes and symbols that the writers and directors want us as the audience to pick up on. Therefore, the “impossible birds” conversation in canon is not talking about albatrosses in the sense that they are commonly referenced in literature, as the proverbial weight around one’s neck that represents guilt – but we can still talk about that symbolism outside of canon.

And talk about it I will.

For those of us who have watched the show, it probably goes without saying that Ed’s got a fair amount of guilt, shame, psychological trauma, etc. that he carries around with him. So if we’re going to invoke the albatross metaphor following S2E3, what specifically can we say is Ed’s “albatross?” There are a few candidates that immediately come to mind. It could be his guilt surrounding a) his father’s murder; b) Lucius’s attempted murder; c) the abusive, toxic relationship that he carried on with Izzy; or maybe even d) himself.

That last one is a little esoteric, so let me explain. Ed hates himself – aside from all the self-destructive tendencies as evidence, he admits it out loud in his dream with Hornigold in S2E03. I wonder if the albatross that is hanging around Blackbeard’s neck is Edward – the real Edward, the one that is more than just his fame, his terrifying persona, his violence-as-a-form-of-love tendencies – the Edward that Stede fell in love with. I wonder whether Ed’s guilt surrounds more than just how he’s hurt others, but how he feels he has killed a truer, better version of himself, and that he can never regain it. In line with The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, killing this “albatross” of a better Edward didn’t just kill him – it killed everyone around him as well. And now, after he has borne the blame of others for having gotten them into this situation, he is forced to wear…himself. The guilt that weighs him down is the knowledge that there is a version of him that was loved, that Stede loved, and in his eyes, he has killed that version of himself.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge a post (or several posts) that I saw several months back in relation to season 1. In these posts [Link1, Link2], smarter people than me drew a connection between a metaphorical albatross and the black cravat that Stede gives to Ed – and that Ed continues to wear until he and Stede change into their privateering academy garb. Something both of those posts touch on is how the cravat represents Stede, and I think that is completely true; however, I posit that the cravat represents the fact that Ed is lovable.

Something that’s been pointed out in the past 48 hours since these episodes dropped is that Ed is not wearing the cravat during the first parts of season 2. Only when he essentially decides to kill himself via storm do we see him once again wearing the cravat (the cravat is also noticeably absent from the purgatory dream sequence).

What exactly this means is still shaky to me – in my mind, Ed does canonically see the cravat as a reminder of his “real” self, and he puts it away and tries to hide it while he’s still…well, functioning is far too strong of a word, but at least not actively suicidal like we see at the end of episode 2. I think hearing Izzy supposedly shoot himself is what pushes Ed over the edge into being actively suicidal; perhaps at this point, some part of Ed is still hoping against hope that he can convince himself not to do it, to wait for Stede. Alternatively, it may be that if he dies here, he wants to take the idea of a “better him” with him.

In the sense of the cravat representing the albatross (meaning the cravat presence is not a choice of the characters, but of costume design), the cravat being missing during the batshit-insane-high-on-rhino-horn Kraken era may represent him not actually feeling the guilt of losing himself during this time. He may have actually convinced himself that a lovable version of himself never existed, and he’s living guilt-free. The guilt comes back when he hears Izzy shoot himself – he’s reminded that he caused this by killing a version of himself that Izzy trusted and even loved, in his own fucked-up way. From then on, the cravat is back on – the guilt is back, and it’s strong enough to induce the kamikaze-type rage we see in the storm.

(Important to note here that while I stand by this interpretation, I’m not sure how it fits with the fact that Ed is wearing the cravat just after the Krakening – the moment when he’s looking back on the island that he just abandoned the Revenge crew on in S1E10.)

I’m leaving this one for myself to come back to later on the off-chance I have some sort of epiphany.

Oh wow, you’re still here?? Probably time for a water break. Go on, the rest will be here when you get back. And there’s unfortunately quite a lot more that still needs to move from my brain to this Word doc.

Ready? Ok.

So that’s one possible interpretation of what Ed’s “albatross” is – I won’t spend time on other possibilities because what I’ve laid out here is the interpretation that I most strongly subscribe to. But all that is only really addressing one part of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Granted, it’s the most important part, symbolically, but there are some other parallels that I want to address that together convince me that the writers of OFMD are actually, specifically referencing this poem.

Obviously, there’s a parallel in that both the happenings of the poem and OFMD occur on actual, physical ships, captained by the man who ends up “shooting the albatross” and being rightfully blamed for it. Both of these ships suffer because of the dead albatross – physically, both ships are taken through devastating storms, and both ships are falling apart. The ship in the poem stops moving indefinitely because of a becalming (all wind and ocean currents stopped); the Revenge stops moving indefinitely because Ed removes the wheel. Both ships suffer casualties – in the poem, everyone dies, and on the Revenge, those crew members may be physically alive, but they are haunted by it. The poem makes note of the fact that the crew died of thirst – while this doesn’t seem to be a main concern on the Revenge, the show does show us, rather graphically, that they were beginning to starve, having to catch and eat raw seagulls to survive (note that dead birds are also a recurring theme in OFMD, leading me to believe even more that albatross references are intentional).

There’s an interesting pattern in the poem concerning dead people – specifically, how they don’t seem to be entirely dead at first. Firstly, the crew that die of thirst drop dead, one by one, on the deck of the Mariner’s ship. However, the poet notes that the bodies did not decompose or smell. Later, these bodies are resurrected by whatever sea spirit chooses to spare the Mariner’s life, using the bodies to man the ship and sail it back to shore. When they are done with this, they drop dead once more, staying on the ship as it sinks to the bottom of the ocean. When the hermit finds the Mariner floating in the ocean, he thinks him dead, before the Mariner’s eyes shoot open (similar to a certain someone at the end of S2E03).

In season 1, I can’t think of any instances wherein someone was presumed to be dead, but actually wasn’t, aside from Stede’s fuckery. However, this theme has come up at least 3 times in season 2 so far: Lucius being the obvious one, then Izzy, and finally Ed himself (and if I’m understanding correctly, Ed was actually, literally, cold-in-the-ground physically dead, not just “presumed dead.” This might be clarified in a future episode). That seems…intentional.

Side note: how long was Ed supposed to have been dead? Days? Didn’t anyone notice that he wasn’t, like, rotting? Especially when “the smell of rot” has been something that very consistently shows up in the show when it’s relevant (see: Lucius’s finger infection, Ed being able to smell Izzy through the walls of the ship).

One more thing: the last thing that the Mariner sees when leaving the shore, and the first thing he sees when he gets back? A lighthouse. Now, could that just be a coincidence, with lighthouses being a very common image in sea-based stories? Sure. But I’m choosing to believe that this poem was chosen (and yes, I say chosen – as in the writers took inspiration from this poem) specifically because it has so much imagery in common with OFMD.

These are admittedly tenuous links between the poem and the show, but they are links, so I’m including them.

The last thing I want to mention about this poem is how its “moral,” if it can be said to have one, is to treat living things with respect – you as a person do not live in a vacuum, and your actions have consequences for others, not just yourself. And I think this sentiment lines up incredibly well with a line that Jim has in S2E02:

…

There was a time when life meant something on this ship. When we lived for each other.

…

According to Jim (and according to literally everything the show has been telling us), the ship was a safe place when the people onboard cared about each other. Fang mentions that Blackbeard didn’t even react when Ivan died; Blackbeard callously shoots his first mate, with the intent of having him killed; he doesn’t even care about his own life and whether he lives or dies. Just like in the poem, this is the issue that needs to be resolved in order for the curse to be lifted – the Mariner (Ed) needs to rekindle an appreciation for life. In the poem, this is a simple “every living thing is special” kind of epiphany – I get the feeling it’s going to be a much more complicated journey in OFMD, especially since the show as a whole is somewhat irreverent concerning the deaths of non-recurring characters. For Ed, I imagine it’s going to be more of an appreciation for his own life – not the value of life on the whole, but the value that his life holds.

So. That’s a lot of words that I just typed – I’m hoping at least some of them made sense. Huge thank you to anyone who made it this far! This is all I’ve got on this particular poem, but I’ve still got more things I want to say about another poem called L’albatros (Charles Baudelaire) and how it relates to Ed and his perception of himself. It’s a huge stretch to say that this poem exists in-universe and Ed has read it, but it makes sense to me and I want to get my thoughts down on (virtual) paper – I’ll link to it in the original introductory post (link to that at the top of this post!).

Let me know what you think!! This silly, stupid pirate show will be consuming my thoughts for at least the next several months, and I’m dying for some reciprocal opinion/info-dumping. Inbox is open!

[saphir93]

Adam x Lute - First meeting in Eden

Adam chose his exorcists, but if he and Lute had already met before in Eden? I loved the character of Adam so much, he is very deep and full of things to say yet, his narrative arc is not closed and his emotional bond with Lute is wonderful, it definitely brings out his best and best side. He must came back in the show, as I say feel that his character arc is not closed. Hope evry Adam fan and Lute X Adam will enjoy this things that I made.

First meeting in Eden

Garden of Eden. Adam and Lilith have just been created, but they don't get along at all and do nothing but argue. Adam turns offended while Lilith escapes and runs away. Lute comes down from the sky because she is curious to see the first man, so she flies through the garden but Lucifer is also there, so she decides to land and hide behind a tree. “What am I doing? I…I shouldn't be here.” she thinks. She is sweaty and her heart beats hard, but as soon as she places her gaze not covered, she scrutinizes Adam. Adam is sitting on a rock, he is naked, beautiful, perfect but sad, very sad. Lute is struck by such beauty and blushes.

“So this is the first man.”

Meanwhile Adam complains “That damned female never listens to me! I fucking hate her! I do everything I can to please her and she rejects me!” Lute sees that Adam is crying out. “I can't accept it, I can't see him being like this.” she thinks, then she decides to reveal herself to him. Adam looks up and is struck by his beauty and stops crying.

Adam “You are an angel…but, but you are a woman.” Lute “Hello first man. Yes, there are also female angels among us.” Adam “Well you know, the only one who visits us often is always Lucifer. I didn't think there were even females among you. My name is Adam anyway.” Lute “Adam, what a beautiful name. So tell me Adam, why are you so sad? Something wrong?" Adam “What's wrong? That I, Adam, I'm never enough for that ungrateful female! She's always complaining and criticizing, I can't stand her anymore." Lute approaches Adam, stroking his back. “But you are Adam, you are the first man, she must respect you and be grateful to be able to have you by her side. She doesn't realize how lucky she is!" Adam sprang to his feet. “You're fucking right! I am Adam, the first man! Everything will come from me, I need respect and I will have it!” Lute smiles “Of course the first man deserves it!”

Adam “Oh Lute, it would be nice if women were all like you angels! I feel better now and I thank you. I will make sure he respects me!”

Lute “Happy to have been of help to the first man.”.

Adam as he walks away. "Yes. You know, I also hope to see you again.”

Lute makes a sad face, then she thinks "I also wish it could have lasted longer Adam.". Lute while she is returning and flying carefree collides with Lucifer "And what are you doing here?" Lucifer was perplexed "I'm asking you the same question! I was checking that everything was fine as usual." Lute "Me too." Lucifer "Actually, I saw you as you approached Adam." Lute "But you were very close to Lilith!"

Lucifer "Okay, listen...neither of us saw anything." Lute "Clear" Lucifer "Good." Lute thinks “He knows I shouldn't be here and yet he's letting me go” she arrives at the gates of heaven to look sadly at the clouds beyond the gate “I hope Adam is okay”.

A lot of time passes and Lucifer is expelled with Lilith, the two make Eve eat the apple. Adam eventually became the first soul welcomed into heaven. Adam becomes an angel. Sera's office. Sera “Now that you are leader of the exorcists you can choose from our best fighting angels.” Evening shows the row of exterminating angels. Lute meets Adam's gaze and is afraid of being discovered, Adam recognizes her immediately and with a pleased face points to her without thinking. Adam smile “How small the universe is...” Sera “What's happening Adam?” Adam “It happens that I have chosen! There she is, the sexiest one. I really want that badass bitch over there! She is perfect! " Sera rolls her eyes at Adam's response while Lute tries to keep herself composed even though she feels uncomfortable while her linemate, Agatha glares at her full of envy. Adam “Even the one who looks at her badly, but yes. I want both bitches. They are perfect.”. Once outside Sera's office, Adam takes off his helmet and looks at Lute "I knew I'd see you again." Lute tried to avoid it. Adam “No. Don't do that, look at me." Lute takes courage and looks at him, Adam winks “It's our secret.” Lute blushes. “Lucky bitch who saw the first man. You are so sweet.” concludes Adam.

The start of a fan series I'm working on and writing the script. This part will become a future fan animated video, collaboration with @kimtrik96

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 12, episode 0: high noon at july

LAST DAY OF @tristampparty ALREADY LET'S GOOOOOO

bang, bang!! nai liking movies is such a cute little detail, (it's in the manga too!!) i don't think it gets talked about enough. he went from thinking gunslinging heroes were cool to guns being a coward's weapon...

i still can't really fully wrap my head around the higher dimension... it contains the "core" of the plants and... it's where plants pull matter and energy from...? yeah i CANNOT fathom it actually

also like. how did humans even discover how plants worked and what they could do. assuming the lore is the same as in the manga (for what lore there is in the manga...) and humans created plants. who what when where why how. humans made plants and use plants every day yet they're such a black box... uuaaaaa (steam comes out of my ears from thinking too hard)

zazie's priority lies with the planet itself and whether or not worms will be able to continue to live and thrive on it, but i wish we got to see more of what the worms need to like. actually live and survive. they have a hivemind so they can't truly "die" (i guess unless every single worm is wiped out), but what do they need to live? we see that the giant worms eat humans, but what did they eat before humans crashed on the planet? tomas? other worms? do they photosynthesize? do they need to breathe? humans use worms for food and resources, but what exactly would knives have do to the planet to make it unlivable for the worms?

the song that vash sings is... the song knives plays on his piano. in the original/98, the song that was important to vash was rem's song. here, that... may or may not be the case...? vash says the song "just comes to him," but in this scene he's forgotten rem... then again, the song isn't what helps him remember her.

there was a theory post from a while ago that posited this song is the voice, or... frequency of the plants(?) which could very well be the case. vash and knives taking that frequency and singing or playing it in a way humans can hear... rem was onto something when she called them a bridge.

i wonder how much of this scene is an actual memory. maybe vash did sing that song, and nai heard it, and they played it on the piano together. and that's why knives continues to play it in the present day.

maybe i'll go eat some rocks.

this is reminding me of... in the manga when vash escaped from the ark and knives was begging him not to go. it's... yeah, pretty much the same. different scenario, but the same.

this sequence is so gorgeous... once again i'm asking how people ever thought this anime looked bad. lmao.

BUT MY MAIN QUESTION IS THIS!!! IS THIS REALLY REM SPEAKING TO VASH HERE? we know that in trimax, ghosts kind of exist, right? like tesla appearing to the twins, wolfwood appearing to livio... is this a similar case? what's happening on the "outside" is meryl's voice reaching through to vash, right? so is this more like, meryl's presence reminds vash of rem, so this is what vash wishes he could hear from her? like is this coming from his subconscious? or... is it really the spirit of rem somehow...

i'm overthinking it. i'm overthinking it.

i wonder what rem's ghost would say to knives.

i'm obsessed with the fight that comes after. OBSESSED. screencaps don't do it justice, i love the weightiness, the camerawork, the choreography... IT'S JUST FUN TO WATCH!!!!

THE BITE HAS BEEN POSTED SO MANY TIMES BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT'S SO FUNNY. outside of when they were kids, this is the most they've acted like siblings this whole show and i love it.

why are his boobs so big

and then there's the wings. the wings... and their context. manga readers know. they're a symbol of, hmm... not forgiveness, but... the first step to it, maybe. the love between them. flying to safety. supporting each other. being side-by-side. right?

they're using their wings to fight each other right now, so i'm sure the plan is to hit us with the wings again at the end for maximum emotional impact. the fact that they both have one wing each makes that extremely fucking obvious, i think. (remember in the manga vash sprouted 2 wings at first, which he couldn't sustain)

I JUST LOVE THIS SHOT. IT'S SO COOL.

oh. ohhhhhhh.

it's so interesting that the angel arm comes from vash combining(?) the cube with his gun... does this mean angel arms can't manifest normally? like, do you need the cube? or does the cube just make it easier? and what about knives, can he manifest his?? like this can't be the one and only appearance of the angel arm in tristamp, right, we're gonna need it again for the fifth moon and the ark escape, right??

(assuming those events will even happen in tristamp, but fifth moon AT LEAST is like. a constant in all timelines, i feel. like how time travel stories have "nodes" that can't be changed, right? but this isn't actually that kind of story. so who knows.)

...huuuuhhhh and i just noticed vash's prosthetic arm disappears when he manifests the angel arm. umm... i'm not entire sure what that means. is it because his gate was in his left arm...?

hey where'd she get those binoculars

crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch (i'm chewing on rocks)

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

"since when have we been so different"... kills me in so many ways, but... in episode 3 vash says that knives hasn't changed. ("since that time," he says, which i assume is referring to the flashback scene in episode 9.) and knives says right back at you. but here, vash is basically saying, who are you. you're unrecognizable to me now. that's literally what he says in the dub. and again knives says right back at you. "you haven't changed." "i could say the same of you." "who are you?" "who are you?" they're brothers. they haven't changed. they've changed so much. they know each other better than anyone else. they don't recognize each other anymore. they love each other. did they ever really know each other?

crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch.

when i first watched tristamp the significance of this all was lost on me. i didn't know any context.

i didn't know that the original trigun started with july already destroyed. i didn't know vash's original bounty. i didn't catch the insurance department mention, or who eriks was, or chronica, or what it meant that the earth fleet was going to arrive, or this being numbered "episode 0"... nothing. all of it went completely over my head. oh i knew milly though. milly is forever.

but now i'm people who know. and i think orange's decision to adapt the story like this, to make it a prequel... is fucking ballsy and cool and i respect it.

that being said, i still don't understand what zazie is talking about... and how they know this. i don't understand all the scifi technobabble with chronica at the end either... what i'm assuming is that the earth forces are keeping tabs on the higher plane(??) and/or on gate readings(?) and... were alerted to what was going on that way? does "crossing over the wall of light" just mean they're using warp drive? why can't zazie talk normally.

uagh. what a fucking journey, man, and it hasn't even begun yet. glad i got to rewatch and go a little crazy. i think the fixation is beginning to fade a little bit (it's been long enough, this is how my brain cycles through things) but the brainrot never truly goes away. girl with plant twins icon gets emotional about the plant twins once again, more at 11.

ty to @revenantghost for organizing i had fun!! :'D

[halsteadlover]

Always a Family

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Warnings: talking about infertility and bad writing.

• Word count: 3498.

• A/N: bye I’m so bad at giving titles 💀. I know that’s not good, I’m sorry for how this turned out. Let me know what do you think about this one and if I wasn’t accurate dealing with this topic, I tried my best and I apologize for any mistake. Reblog, like and comment please, I’d love to know your opinions ❤️ my inbox is always open if you want to just talk. Love you, and thank you for your support.

Ever since you were a teenager, you had the desire to become a mother, to find a prince charming with whom to start a family and live happily ever after in a house of your own.

You found your prince charming, the best you could ever ask for, you found the house in which to live happily ever after, but no family, however.

Due to some health problems, when you were just a little girl you were told you’d never be able to conceive and for you the possibility of becoming a mother and having a family would unfortunately have been only and forever a dream.

That part of your life was a part you never told anyone, not even your husband even if he was your rock, your lifeline, your everything, but still the crippling fear he might leave you if he had found out was superior to anything else and prevented you from telling him the whole truth.

When you and Jay met you were going through a period where you didn't have any expectations but he managed to change your mind. You never imagined you’d fall so much in love with that man that you’d end up marrying him, you never thought you wanted to share your life with someone as much as you wished with him. Telling him about your infertility had never been a problem, since initially, as already mentioned, you had no expectations. But as time went by, keeping this part of you inside became more and more difficult and the guilt for hiding such a big thing began to slowly eat you from inside.

For better or for worse, though, things always came to light.

One evening, after dinner, you and Jay were on the sofa cuddling, a bowl of popcorn on your lap while watching a movie. Your head rested on his chest as his arm wrapped around your shoulder, squeezing you warmly against him.

You actually didn't even like the movie, being an action movie, but Jay seemed to thrill and he was so cute and handsome as he was watching tv with so much concentration you didn't have the heart to change channel. You didn't particularly like those kind of movies, perhaps because you spent so much of your time immersed in murders, criminals, drugs and kidnappings, the last thing you wanted was to see something that reminded you of them.

“Baby?” you heard Jay's voice waking you up from the state of sleep you were falling into.

“Mmh?” you answered, opening your eyes and bringing them back to the TV as if you had followed the film step by step. To your surprise – and delight – it was over and you found yourself mentally breathing a sigh of relief.

“Did you miss the ending?” he asked you amused.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh yeah? And what do you think about it? Did you like it?”.

“Definitely an unprecedented film, a completely unexpected ending and one twist after another, ten out of ten.”

He burst out laughing, holding you closer and filling your cheeks with kisses. “My sleeping beauty. You could’ve told me you didn't like the movie baby.”

“No baby, I enjoyed the movie, it's just that I'm a little bit tired after today.”

Jay planted a kiss on your temple, chuckling after realizing it was obviously a little lie. “I love you so much baby, but now let's go to bed come on.”

“Y/N can I talk to you about something?” Jay asked suddenly, after you settled under the covers, cuddling.

“Of course, spit it out.”

“First of all I want to tell you I don't want to scare you off or anything, it's just something I've been thinking about for a while now and… well… I wanted to tell you about it.”

“Do I have to worry?” you asked amused.

“No, no, of course not,” he spoke, taking your hand in his, his eyes locked in yours. “So… Obviously I'm not talking immediately, like something that's going to happen tomorrow but… Well… What do you think about starting a family? We haven't talked about it much, but do you want to have a baby one day?”.

Your stomach dropped at hearing those words, your heart nearly skipped a beat. Anxiety immediately kicked in though you tried as hard as possible not to show a reaction, to remain neutral.

You reluctantly knew this day would come sooner or later, but you hoped with all your heart it’d delay as long as possible. For an instant all thoughts rushed out of your mind, not having the slightest idea where to begin to tell him his wish would never be granted, at least not with you.

“S-sure baby, I'd be so happy to have a baby with you,” you replied, trying to put on a fake smile and feeling your heart break when you instead saw the radiant smile that appeared on his face, the way his eyes sparkled.

“Are you serious? Do you really want it?”

You tried with every fiber of your being to keep your composure but you couldn't stop your eyes from filling with tears, which however Jay, seized with happiness, thought were tears of joy.

“Yes Jay, there is nothing else in the world I want than to have a family with you,” you replied, telling the sincerest truth. That was true, having a family with your husband was really what you wanted with all your heart.

In a fit of joy he hugged you, squeezing you so hard he took your breath away. But you felt so dirty, hypocritical, a shitty person to prevent him from fulfilling his desire. The tears threatened more and more to escape from your eyes but you managed to find the strength to hold back, not to burst into tears.

You couldn't sleep that night.

The guilt was eating you up from inside, you couldn't drive away that feeling of betrayal.

You felt guilty for hiding something so important from your husband, the person you had to trust most in the world, you felt guilty because you’d never be able to give him something he wanted so much, you felt bad about yourself for not being able to accept you’d never become a mother, you’d never have a baby bump to caress, you’d never experience childbirth, watching your baby grow up.

This sense of guilt coexisted with the disabling fear of losing everything you had built with so much effort. You were fucking afraid of losing the love of your life, that once he found out he’d run away.

You couldn't lie in that bed much longer, feeling an overwhelming feeling of suffocation taking over you. So you got out of bed, trying to be as quiet as possible to try not to wake Jay, who was sleeping peacefully next to you.

But it wasn't long before he noticed your absence.

Jay stretched out his arm to his left, in an attempt to hug you but he immediately realized your absence and this made him wake up suddenly. He propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his sleep-filled eyes as he tried to adjust his vision to the dark room.

“Y/N? baby?” he called you and after receiving no answer, he moved the covers from over his body and stood up, heading towards the living room. Fear took over him when, seeing you sitting on the couch, he realized you were crying.

“Baby, oh my god are you okay? What is going on? Are you hurt?” he rushed to you, bending down in front of you. You sat with your elbows resting on your knees, your hands covering your face as you sobbed.

“Y/N please talk to me, tell me what's wrong, is something hurting you?” he persisted, his heart pounding, anxiety gripping his stomach. You shook your head, through tears, unable to speak.

“My love, look at me please. You're scaring the shit out of me, please,” he kept asking as his hands caressed your arms. You stood up, wiping away your tears at the same time, but still keeping your face covered. You didn't want him to see you, not like that.

“Baby...” he murmured, then sitting down next to you, starting to caress your back, “I'm here, I won't leave you. Just take a deep breath, I'm here next to you.”

A few moments passed before you to began to calm down a bit.

“Look at me baby,” Jay said, almost in a whisper and when you didn't, he placed two fingers on your chin and turned your head towards him, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes were still red and swollen from the tears, your cheeks wet from them. “It breaks my heart seeing you like this and not being able to help you... My love please talk to me, whatever it is we can solve it, I'm here with you.”

Oh darling, I wish this could be fixed.

You shook your head, the urge to cry threatening to overwhelm you again.

“Y-you'll leave me if I tell you…” you stammered, struggling to maintain eye contact.

A bewildered expression came over Jay's face and in that moment he wondered if you had hit your head somewhere. “What? I hope you're joking, for what kind of reason would I leave you?” he blurted out, dumbfounded “You are my wife, the love of my life, unless you've slept with someone else, there's no way I'm ever going to leave you, just get it out of your mind.”

“What? Absolutely not, it's not that,” you replied immediately.

“I know baby I know, I was just kidding. But you have to tell me what makes you feel like this, I want to help you but I can't do it if you don't talk t-… Oh no, no, no, don't please cry, my love...” he hugged you, squeezing you like never before, one arm around your shoulders while the other hand stroked your hair, “I'm here, I'm here and I will never leave you, I’d die rather and I'm not kidding, whatever happened will never make me walk away from you.”

You continued to cry in his arms, until he pulled away slightly and gently grabbed your face, wiping away the tears streaming down your cheeks with his thumbs.

“You trust me right?”.

“Blindly, with my own life,” you answered without hesitation.

“Then you must have no doubts when I tell you nothing and no one can ever separate me from you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you, I won’t leave you not even in a parallel universe.”

“I'm so scared Jay,” you whispered.

“For what baby?”.

“That you will no longer trust me, that you’ll hate me and look at me differently.”

At that point panic began to take hold of him again.

“Baby you're really worrying me now, did something bad happen? Please tell me.”

Now or never.

“About h-having… Well, having a family…”

Jay breathed a sigh of relief at you, his mind having already planned the worst-case scenarios he could think of. “You don’t want to have kids? It’s okay baby, why didn't you tell me? It's an important thing, don't-...”

“No, no,” you interrupted him “It's just that… God… I really want to start a family too, my love.”

At that point the panic was replaced by confusion. “Baby I really don't understand.”

“I would love a family but the thing is…” you sighed, trying not to cry again “I can't.”

“What do you mean?”.

“Physically, I… I can't have children, I'm completely infertile.”

“Oh.”

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last an eternity. You couldn't read Jay's expression well, you couldn't tell if he was angry, disappointed, scared or whatever.

“Now you're going to leave me right?” you asked in a whisper, your eyes filled with tears again as you looked at him, scared stiff at the answer you’d receive.

“What? Absolutely not my love,” he replied quickly, looking at you as if you were crazy “I'm actually relieved, I thought something really bad had happened.”

“Relieved?”.

“Oh, no, no, sorry baby I didn't mean that, I just really thought the worst for a second,” he explained, feeling guilty at his choice of words. He continued to caress your face while you looked at him carefully as if waiting for a rant from him.

“Do you hate me?”.

“Baby come here,” he said pulling you into a hug. It broke his heart to see you like that, to know you had been so afraid of losing him you preferred to torment yourself rather than tell him about it, and he wasn't angry, he never could be, not about something so delicate you weren't responsible for. God, how could you even think he could hate you? He could leave you? “I love you so damn much, more than anyone else on this planet, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone, I could never hate you how can you even think about that?”.

“I was so scared to tell you, I thought…” you cried “I thought you were going to leave me.”

Jay broke away from the hug, pointing his green eyes straight into yours. “Baby it's not your fault, I understand why you were so afraid to tell me and I'm so sorry, because I would’ve reassured you that I love you to death, that I will never let go of the best thing that ever happened to me, you don't have to never be afraid to talk to me and express your fears because I will always be by your side, I will support you no matter what happens, you must never doubt this.”

Those words from him threw you even further into an abyss of guilt and despair.

“My baby, God I hate to see you like this,” he whispered, hugging you again.

“I feel awful.”

“Why? You absolutely don't have to.”

“Because you are so amazing and understanding and… And I don't know what I did to deserve you after I kept such an important thing from you…” You stopped for a second due to a sob “I feel like shit because I'm wrong and I can't give you what you most desire, because of me we won't have a family, a child of our own, and… Shit, you'd better leave me… You deserve to…-”

“Okay Y/N now I have to stop you,” Jay interrupted, not even wanting to hear another word of your nonsensical speech. He pulled away from the hug and put his hands on your shoulders, “I don’t want this bullshit to come out of your mouth again, okay? You're not wrong...”

“Can I ask you something?” you asked him, interrupting him in your turn.

“Sure, anything you want.”

“But please tell me the truth. If I told you sooner, would you have changed your mind about me? Would you have continued our relationship?”. For an instant you were terrified of hearing his answer, your heart pounding.

“No love that wouldn't have changed anything and it wouldn't have affected our relationship because I loved you, I love you and I will always love you dearly with all my heart and even now that you told me it doesn't change how my eyes see you. In sickness and in health remember? Through thick and thin,” he answered without hesitation. He took your hand with his, intertwining your fingers, “Y/N, baby, listen to me alright? You're not wrong, it's not your fault and I'm not mad at you, I won't leave you understand? I understand why you didn't tell me sooner and I don't blame you. You know, sometimes our body betrays us, not everything goes the way we want but we don't have to blame ourselves for this. What matters to me is that we are together, there are so many other ways to have a family, there are so many kids out there who are alone and need lots of love. We’re always gonna be a family.”

You nodded, still crying.

“Love it's not your fault, I know that's easy for me to say and hard for you to accept. You make me so happy, you have no idea how much, you really are the best thing that ever happened to me and that won't change my mind.”

“It's not right for you…” you whispered..

“What's not right?”

“To stay with me, you want a baby and I can't have one, it's not fair for you to have to give it up.”

“But we won't give up, as I have already told you there are many children waiting to have a family, that need love and affection. Honestly, there's no other person in the world I'd want to do this with, just you,” he spoke “We can have kids but there’s no one else like you baby.”

“I know…”

“Darling,” he murmured, giving you a kiss on the forehead before continuing to speak “I'm always with you, you know that right? I will always help you, we will face every obstacle together and together we’ll be able to overcome this guilt you feel. One day you’ll be able to understand it's not your fault, that there is no need to feel this way, you’ll be able to truly understand unfortunately life can be bad even with people like you who don't deserve it at all, that you shouldn't let yourself be discouraged and find your strength even in the bad things that happen to you. You’ll be able to forgive yourself one day for feeling wrong, I know, it will take some time, but I know you will because you’re one of the strongest people I have ever known and I will always be with you, at every step you take.”

And that’s it. This was the reason why you married that man, because he understood you, he read you like no one else did, because before you even spoke he was able to understand what was tormenting you.

“I love you so much Jay,” you cried out and that time it was you hugging him, “Thank you for everything, for being so amazing, God I don't know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you so much too, thank you for trusting me.”

You stayed on that sofa for an indefinite amount of time, hugging each other and talking, until the sun started to rise outside. You felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off your shoulders and you thanked the universe for having a man like Jay next to you, not everyone would’ve reacted the way he did, and you felt like the luckiest person on earth to have chosen a gem as rare as him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked you. You were lying on the sofa, your head resting on his lap as he played with a strand of your hair.

You brought your gaze to him. “About what?”.

“How did you find out?” he asked, “But I don't want you to feel obligated to do this, I know it's delicate for you.”

“No, of course I want to tell you,” you replied “When I was about fifteen I had a uterine fibroid discovered, nothing too serious, it's a benign tumor that could be surgically removed without a hitch but during surgery the surgeons had found the situation was worse than expected and there was a complication, a massive hemorrhage that forced them to remove the uterus.”

“I'm so sorry baby,” he whispered, stroking your hair “Have you ever told anyone about this?”

You shook your head. “If you mean professionally no, my parents continually suggested I had to talk to a psychologist but I always refused, I was just a little girl, you know, I didn't think I needed it and I kept it to myself. I've always pretended nothing happened but, growing up, I realized that maybe I should’ve done it instead. It's traumatic for a 15-year-old to be told she’d never be able to have children and now I'm still bearing the consequences.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through all this alone, especially when you were still too young to even understand what was going on,” he spoke. “But now you are no longer alone, I will always be there at every step you take and above all it is never too late to ask for help if you need it.”

“I know love,” you smiled weakly. “I already feel so much better now that I've told you about it, I'm just sorry I haven't done it sooner, but now I feel like I'm not alone in going through this anymore. Don't get me wrong, I've accepted it by now, but I know that when we’ll expand our family, I have to solve some 'issues’ first.”

Jay smiled at the word when. “When?”

“Of course baby. As someone very important to me told me, there are so many children out there in need of love and a family.”

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