#I wish I had the energy to draw I NEED to

[j0kers-light]

Dear Chaos, sorry I've been so absent lately. A lot has been happening lately but I just wanted to say that the latest HL chapter is just perfection🫶

I do have another idea for a request. What if HL got in a car accident while on the phone with J? He goes out to find her but she is not at the scene anymore. Maybe because she was taken to the hospital or taken hostage by two face.

No rush my love, take all the time you need. You're the best!

His Lighthouse: Broken Promises (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Broken Promises - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi @darthjokerisyourfather 🖤✨

Never apologize for living your life! I should apologize for this crappy title. I don't like it. 🙃 I thank you so much for requesting this! You always manage to pull me out of my writer's block with your beautiful imagination! I also thank you for your patience and your kindness. Just how long did you wait for this? 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 ugh, please don't hate me love! *dodges flying tomatoes*

Chaos loves you and hopes that you enjoy! If not, you know I can go back to the drawing board and try again!

More importantly, If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message!

Joker must have forgotten. That was the only explanation you had for his absence. 

You sat in a fancy Gotham City restaurant trying not to let the pitiful glares bother you. The low murmurs of surrounding conversations and the constant clinking of chinaware did nothing to block the embarrassment you felt.  

A giant red, ‘I got stood up’ sign was painted on your forehead. The mocking snickers and pitiful looks became more obvious as time passed.  

You wanted to keep a glimmer of hope that Joker was coming, yet you sat alone at the table, nursing your favorite drink and eating too much bread to be considered healthy.  

During the second, or maybe the third basket, you came to the heartbreaking conclusion. 

Joker forgot about the date that HE organized.  

Why were you not surprised? This was Joker after all and unfortunately, this had become the norm as of late.  

You flicked breadcrumbs from your fingers before smoothing your dress down for the umpteenth time. There were probably noticeable wrinkles with how much you clenched the fabric throughout the evening. More importantly, you hated that you got all dolled up for nothing.  

The formfitting dress in your favorite color was brand new and you spent countless hours taming your natural hair into a new hairstyle to compliment your outfit.  

Your curls were defined and voluminous framing your face and pretty jewelry adorned your skin helped complete the look.  

Just thinking about the time and energy you wasted for this failure of a date made you tear up until you remembered your mascara was not waterproof. You refused to let your emotions get the better of you in public. It was already humiliating enough and a gorgeous blond two tables away kept rubbing in your embarrassment with her sharp red lips curling into a smirk every time she laughed. 

You would bet a penny she was a true mean girl back in high school.  

You didn’t want to wallow in this misery any longer. Joker was obviously not coming so it was time for you to leave.  

Maybe on the way home you could pick up some ice cream and perform some self-care to restore your mood. A nice warm bath with candles and a good playlist in the background would clear up this disappointment you felt.  

Oh, but leaving would take a herculean effort. You would have to put on a brave face and walk out with the entire restaurant staring at you. Alone.  

The things Joker put you through.  

You cleared your throat and plastered a fake confident smile on your face to flag down the waiter. She was already on standby. Bless her. She kept your glass following throughout the night and she didn’t judge you with each basket of bread delivered to your table. 

She been in the industry long enough to know you were stood up. It broke her heart to see you, a beautiful woman, plagued by a man and his ignorance. She and a few other waiters would foot your bill. It was the least they could do to help a fellow sister in need. 

The world needed more girls like her in it.  

Her supportive smile gave you the energy to stand up tall as you walked out.  

But the second you got into the driver’s seat of your SUV, the floodgates opened with no end in sight. Screw your makeup, you were holding this sob fest in for hours.  

You probably looked a hot mess crying in the car but more than anything, you were mad at Joker for not keeping his promise. Again.  

It wouldn’t be as heartbreaking if this were the first time he left you hanging. Oh no, this was a reoccurring issue.  

You were so tired of being treated like the middle child. Joker needed hear about this. It was his fault you were feeling miserable. 

Deep down, you just wanted to hear his voice. Maybe this was all some big misunderstanding!  

Despite arriving at the restaurant ten minute early, (and triple checking to make sure it was the correct one) perhaps you were in the wrong and not Joker. Any and all excuses floated inside your head to cut Joker some slack because if he was truly at fault, then your heart would simply shatter. 

You temporarily stopped the waterworks to find your phone and dial a number you knew by heart. It rang until Joker’s raspy voice reached your ears. “Heyy Bunny. What a uhh unexpected surprise!”  

His words made your heart develop a stress crack. You choked back a sob and Joker instantly noticed it. “Bun what’s wrong?” 

“D-Did you forget about tonight?” You glanced out the window as a few cars passed by. 

“Uhhhh.. tonight?” Joker mumbled the word over and over trying to jog his memory.  

You didn’t know if he was making fun of you or if he genuinely couldn’t recall. Either way, you were fed up. “Our date night! The one that you made reservations for!” you sobbed. 

“Oh. That. I err.. lost track of time.” You couldn’t take it anymore. Joker’s nonchalant tone was your tipping point.  

“Light, are ya still there?” He asked when you didn’t reply. When you did, you had plenty to say. 

“Lost track of time? You? Lost track of... please tell me you are joking? I sat at our table for two hours waiting for you! Everyone made fun of me for being stood up while you lost track of time!”  

“Aww don’t cryy! I can be there in—” 

Your tone was sharp and firm, “Don’t bother Joker.” you started the SUV as you put your seatbelt on with your other hand. “I’m going home.”  

There was a brief delay in the phone signal as it connected to the car’s system, but you still heard Joker’s string of no’s. “Let me make it up to ya!”  

He really thought you would give him another chance? Your lips silently recited the apologizes that oozed from Joker’s lips like oil. 

“Tonight was supposed to be you making up for ditching me last week or have you forgotten? Urgh! You keep putting me off J, and it isn’t fair!”  

You pulled the car into drive and exited the car park. Joker hated to hear your accusations, but you were right.  

His line of work had picked up recently and every time he made plans with you, they were delayed or flat out cancelled to make way for something more nefarious.  

He was putting work over you, something he vowed never to do. That did not mean he would tolerate you talking back to him like you were. “Y/n, I am—” 

“Save it Joker! Your apologies mean nothing when your actions don’t follow suit.” He heard your blinker on in the background as he tried to make amends. It wasn’t good to be driving in your current emotional state and trying to tell you what to do would only lead to further attitude from you. 

It was worth a try. He could deal with a bratty bunny later.  

“Doll, can ya pull over so we can talK about thiss? I can uhh, meet up with ya and we can do something. Just. Us.” 

That was new.  

You pondered the suggestion for a second and began turning onto a deserted backroad. It would take you straight to your apartment in a fraction of the time it would take driving on the highway. “No, Joker, I’m done listening to—” 

The unnatural sound of metal clashing and scraping against metal violently pierced through the phone’s speakers and cut you off mid sentence.  

It twisted loudly, making horrifying cracks and pops that lasted for ages—when it was just a matter of seconds. Joker’s keen ear knew what was occurring, but it didn’t seem real.  

These things shouldn’t happen to his Light. Joker made sure your vehicle was military grade. Nothing should have been able to topple it over, much less allow it to roll twice. He just sat helplessly, listening to the impossible unfold.  

As the metal settled, the phone called continued in eerie silence. Then he waited and waited hoping this to be nothing but a dream.  

Maybe it was another car and you were stunned into silence. The only downside, he couldn’t hear you breathing.  

“Bunny. B-Bun? No… m-my Light? Y/n?” 

Joker used every nickname he had for you, but none provoked a response. So, Joker flat out started to beg. “Y/n.. please..  

He pleas died out the moment he heard a new sound. Footsteps on broken glass. Two sets at that which were approaching closer to wherever your phone was tossed.  

“F__k, did you have to ram her so hard? The boss wants her alive remember? See she’s unconscious!” A gruff voice said.  

Joker honed in on the voice like a bloodhound and narrowed his eyes when another person spoke up with a much thicker Gotham accent.  

“Even better for us. Grab her feet, I’ll get her shoulders. N’hurry up before comes.” 

“Don’t rush me! Agh, I can’t get a good grip, she’s all bloody!” 

Joker’s heart plummeted to his stomach. You were more injured that he thought. His mind already started to visualize the worst imaginable.  

The two men continued to bicker although Joker tuned out their useless chatter.  

He didn’t want to believe what he just heard.  

Two men deliberately rammed you off the road. Gotham City was vast and Joker had many enemies both local and abroad. Narrowing down exactly who did this would be impossible, although he had a clue who the culprit was.  

Joker was still in lala land when Frost cleared his throat.  

He didn’t care about J taking a call during the meeting, but he could tell something wasn’t right. Joker had frozen up like a statue halfway through and it took Frost kicking J’s chair to snap the clown out of whatever rabbit hole he fell in.  

Before Frost could speak, J beat him to it. “Track B’s car. I need a location, now.”  

The room went silent at the shaky tone Joker used. He could care less about showing weakness in front of his men. He would worry about optics later.  

Right now, you were the only constant on his mind.  

Frost didn’t ask for context; he did what he was told and seconds later, he voiced his findings to the room. “That’s weird.” He tapped the keyboard some more to get more accurate data. “It's on the stretch of Kane St, idle and with the engine off.” 

He looked up into the turbulent waves that made up Joker’s eyes. No words were needed. This was a full-on Nightfall procedure. You were in danger.  

Frost hoped that whoever hurt you had enjoyed their life because the wrath of Joker was coming to reap their soul.  

Not a word was spoken when the four men arrived at the scene.  

All that was left of your vehicle was a mangled wreckage still smoldering in the dead of night. Frost sought out to find any evidence while Neo and Mac and Neo took pictures. Joker was like a ghost watching it all unfold.  

He found one of your shoes lying nearby and picked it up with shaky hands.  

It was new with hardly any scuff marks on its lacquered surface despite the crash. He could only imagine the outfit you paired with the designer heel.  

That thought racked him with guilt.  

If only he made time to see you tonight and shielded you from this avoidable fate.  

How could he blow off something so precious as spending time with his Light? Work was never more important than you and Joker was faced with the consequences of not cherishing you while he had the chance.  

He had to get you back and treat you like the goddess you were.  

“Hey Boss, we found something!”  

Joker snapped himself out of his thoughts and walked over to Mac who was holding up something. A hastily written taunting note signed off by Two Face’s gang logo. Joker was right to assume the former attorney had a hand in this.  

“Its Two Face. When do you want to retaliate, Boss?” Neo asked.  

All four men shared a look. What a loaded question. They would act now and show no mercy. 

Each of them would do whatever it took to get you back safe and sound.  

You woke up with a splitting headache and parched throat. Oh, and you were tied up in some dingy room.  

Honestly, you had to stop winding up in these types of situations. Ever since Joker entered your life, being kidnapped was always a possibility you had to consider happening.  

Today just happened to be your unlucky day.  

Calming down your heart rate and taking in your surroundings took a bit of effort. It hurt to move your head, and you grumbled under your breath while trying to blink away the unwanted inertia. 

Someone was smart enough to keep you lying down, but you couldn’t move your arms or legs. Not like you wanted to. 

You were still coming to when a presence made themselves known with their loud voice. It made your head pound even worse.  

“Good, good! You’re finally awake. You are very hard to get a hold of, my dear. Always protected. Never alone..”  

You managed to turn your head enough to see Harvey Dent pacing the room, talking to himself. His alter ego, Two Face was currently talking and you heard the not so pleasant choice of words he used regarding you.  

He had quite the colorful vocabulary and it was obvious out of the two men who held a grudge against you. When he noticed your curious eyes on him, he smiled wide.  

Even his voice changed with the change in personalities. This one was gravelly to match Dent’s grotesque burned face. “I’ve been dying to prosecute you in the court of law.” 

You did not have the mental capacity to argue with a schizophrenic psychopath. All your energy was spent on closing your eyes to block out the headache wreaking havoc on your skull. You didn’t care if you were being rude.  

It was rude to crash into people’s cars and forcibly take them to undisclosed locations so... You were matching Dent’s energy.  

‘Not today, Satan. Not today’ you mentally said.  

Or perhaps you said it aloud since you heard Harvey’s aggravated shouts followed by something being knocked over and breaking. It seemed that even grown men could throw temper tantrums. That was not your problem.  

Your problem was trying to stay awake. You were beginning to suspect you had a concussion, or worse, some kind of neck injury. The last thing you were going to receive was medical attention, so lying still was your best bet until help arrived.  

That thought put a frown on your face. You could not rely on Joker nowadays. 

Would he even notice that you were gone? You abruptly hung up the phone mid argument; he probably disregarded you and became distracted by something more important.  

A time ago, you were the only thing important to Joker. Everything else was secondary. My, have things changed.  

Now you wished that Joker would become the possessive lover you knew him to be and come save you.  

You were certain that he placed a tracker in your lighthouse necklace...... the one you removed since it clashed with your outfit for the night.  

Great. The one time you took it off!  

You felt like such an idiot despite all of this being Joker’s fault. If only he cared more, he would’ve been with you tonight to avoid this. Now you were at the mercy of Two Face and whatever motive he made up to justify abducting you.  

There was nothing you could do to escape your current predicament.  

You were just upset and disappointed in Joker, and with that, you let a single tear slip down your cheek as you fell unconscious.  

The next time you came to, you didn’t bother opening your eyes. You just groaned in defeat and let whoever pick you up and carry you off. And that was for the best.  

Unbeknownst to you, it was a literal war zone.  

If you did in fact open your eyes, the carnage that Joker created to rescue you, would scare you back to sleep. You would declare Joker a monster after seeing just how far he would go for his Bunny.  

Any other day he would deny his true nature, all for the sake of being worthy enough to bask in your light. Tonight, he had no such compulsion. 

He had no shame in carrying his Light while being drenched in blood. He was a fallen angel personified.  

Even as Joker rounded a corner to leave, he helped a man take their last breath by lodging a bullet between their eyes. Quick and efficient, the punishment did not befit the crime of touching what Joker considered as his.  

The two men who initially rammed you off the road got off lucky.  

Joker struck a one-time deal with the Penguin to use the massive great white shark the Englishman kept locked up in a tank underneath the Iceberg Lounge. It was a natural garbage disposal and Joker had two pieces of trash he wanted to get rid of.  

Joker thought being fed to sharks was tame compared to the ideas still swimming in his head.  

His dark smile sent shivers down the backs of his own men and they wisely avoided their eyes as Joker passed. No one was safe from the murderous gleam in J’s eyes.  

That is, all but one. You.  

He was a completely different person tonight. The slaughter was personal, the attacks more brutal and practically inhumane, and it was all done to avenge his goddess.  

Joker was out for blood, and he most certainly collected it.  

He held your slumbering body close as he ordered Mac to detonate the bomb and reduce the building to rubble. If anyone was lucky enough to escape Joker’s initial siege into the building, there was no hope of survival now.  

Just the way he planned it.  

A shame Harvey got an anonymous tip and fled before Joker arrived. J would have loved to see the other side of Dent’s face burn to a crisp for touching his Light.  

Speaking of. Joker’s haunting green eyes looked away from the blazing inferno and down at his sleeping beauty.  

There were minor cuts and bruising forming from being caught up in your car crash, yet he was more worried about the dried blood ruining your once pristine hair.  

Your beautiful features were marred by pain that Joker could have avoided altogether. You needed medical attention and some good old-fashioned love and affection.  

And just like that, all of Joker’s bloodlust was extinguished to devote his attention onto you.  

He had weeks of apologizing to do to earn your trust and love back, but for now, he needed you back in good health.  

Joker softly kissed your forehead and let his goons drive him to the nearest safe house where Sarai would have a look at you.  

It was high time that Joker re-appointed you back as the most important thing in his life, and it started with showing that he cared about you and only you.  

[shot-by-cupid]

EVERYONE SHUT UP. I’m so in love with her actually shut up

She is actually so fucking gorgeous looking at her is like. Breathing for the first time. She is my EVERYTHING. I would kill somebody for her idc. She says jump I say HOW HIGH. I would jump over the fucking. CN TOWER. If she wanted me to.

She’s stunning. Don’t even she is STUNNING. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen I feel sick.

[kuhakunohi]

the forbidden cookie

[sketchy-tour]

My brain wanting to draw Dandy, Wally, and Ivy being a wholesome family but also wanting to draw more and more gift art for those I love and adore but also wanting to draw my stupid Dandy au with Beta but also wanting to draw the other neighbors but also wanting to draw Wally a thousand times wanting to write personal WH fanfiction with Dandy but also-

[skunkes]

decrepit hag let out into the doodle page for a few minutes of recreational Once a Year Smile time

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

"he turns around and he pulls down the mask and you can see the gashes on his face. and clearly, since you last saw him, time has not been kind to him"

[jurinova]

Mute and Elbë finally got their date! 💙 Thanks to everyone who voted! I think they look great in these outfits, so yay.

[problemswithbooks]

BNHA 423

So, I can't say I feel much of anything reading this weeks leaks.

I'm not shocked that Shigaraki died, nor would I be surprised if his death is taken back next chapter and he gets brought back to life in some way.

The thing is despite people saying Shigaraki dying messes with the themes of the story the themes have always been more then a little shaky. IDK if it's just a difference in culture, but Hori has a way of setting something up as being a big deal/theme and then doing something that completely contradicts it.

It's really no surprise he might have killed off most of the villains including Shigaraki despite setting the story up in a way where saving villains seemed to be a theme. He did the same thing with self-sacrifice being portrayed as bad, but later showing it as good.

I will say I don't necessarily agree with how some people are framing Shigaraki's death as throwing abuse victims under the bus. I do get the frustration because Hori did focus a lot of how Shigaraki was used by AfO and in a lot of stories that would be used to absolve him of guilt for all the destruction he caused. But Hori never had Shigaraki change his mind. His last words are him continuing to wish he could have destroyed more and wanting Izuku to relay to Spinner he never stopped fighting for destruction.

I think if this had been a more thought out and focused story you really could make it a great tragedy. It feels unfair that he couldn't be saved, that despite Izuku's effort, at the end of the day Shigaraki wasn't able to break away from the destruction he was manipulated and groomed into believing.

In that way I can understand the anger of some fans, because the story is essentially a tragedy framed as a simply triumphant narrative. It always felt like it wanted to have some deep meaning, and always seemed on the verge of it, but never stuck the landing. The one thing I've always been left wondering is: what is Hori trying to say with this story?, and IDK if the ending, given what's on the page right now will really give me an answer.

If anything I think perhaps Hori was trying to say to much at once. I'm sure a lot of it gets lost in translation and cultural differences, still part of me thinks he bit off more then he could reasonably flesh out. Thinking back many writing choices feel like he had an idea or passing thought and added it because it was cool or thought he'd have time to do more with it latter but due to shitty writing conditions couldn't implement properly.

[copper-skulls]

after they actually Get Married For Real, Grillby spends half of the day happily sobbing bcs gaster casually called him his husband

(also lmao, 5 months later the first image is outdated. she's his niece now. lol)

[lethesbeastie]

Mutuals may know me as cool art creature, but I am also, ✨️stupid✨️

[miodiodavinci]

a heem heem whimper

[forabeatofadrum]

GOOD DAY EVERYONE, HAPPY EL WOO WOO WEDNESDAY! I haven't been tagged and I didn't have anything to share. In fact, I was feeling Pretty Bad, but then I got hit by a sudden Moment of Inspiration and I wrote 480 words for The Class Menagerie, which, compared to earlier progress reports, is huge and I want to share that!

Have some Kurt lore:

“How did you get into teaching?” Blaine asks. Kurt lets out a sigh. It isn’t a big marvellous story. Teaching wasn’t his dream growing up, but that is fine. Sometimes you work hard on something, only to realise that it isn’t what you want after all. That’s what happened to Kurt. He was enrolled in a drama school, but he wasn’t feeling it. This only stressed him out, because he’d worked hard to be accepted into the school. He thought that acting on stage was his dream, so it really messed him up when he realised that it wasn’t true. Still, he saw no way out. He was committed to finishing his degree. Then in his second year he had to do an internship and he did it at a school. He helped out in a drama department and it was as if the clouds in his head parted. He realised that he was still young and that he had his life ahead of him, so he made the big decision to quit drama school to learn to become a teacher. During that time, he realised he preferred the pre-school age. “And here I am,” Kurt wraps up his story.

I am still not finished and I hope (HOPE!) to have finished it on the 30th, so that I can post it within the posting period, but I am carefully and yet totally obviously planting the seed here that I might not make it. I did revise my plans for the ending, but alas, I don't know the concrete plans. But it's a-going!

As usual, have a Mimi:

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @cutestkilla ​ @wellbelesbian ​ @artsyunderstudy ​ @martsonmars ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @blackberrysummerblog @whatevertheweather

[cactusringed]

IM asking you to ramble about bg3 au and autism blast everywhere. and makeout and how sexy and funny you are.

I love you both so much our wedding is coming soon

Anyway OK listen. Listen to me okay Bg3 refers to baldurs gate 3 and for all you need to know it's a dnd video game where the characters get infected with literal brain worms which should have turned them into murderous cultists, but somehow they got spared that fate, and come together to get rid of their brain worms

The party is made of

Grian: a gnome druid whose preferred wild shape is a bird and who might have some hidden aasimar origins because Grian HAS to be God's favorite princess all the time

Scar: an elf ranger who was torn away from his family when he was kidnapped by illithids, and whose closest bro Cub (a warlock who's made a pact with archfaes) was also infected but sadly was turned into a cultist. Scar is desperately looking for him.

Scott: a tiefling bard/sorcerer who does most of the group's talking with npcs both due to his travels making him the more knowledgeable of the group about the region but also because as a bard you can do wild shit like just convince really powerful entities to just kill themselves for fun and that's a very Scott thing to do

Mumbo: a half drow artificer who tbh is the most normal of the group (as far as everyone knows anyway)

Jimmy: half aarakocra (bird :D) vampire cringefail rogue who. Well yeah he's a stand in for astarion me and my friend just wanted a cringefail vampire with negative charisma ok

Joel: A half elf barbarian who has a little secret. The secret is that he's a murderous bastard. But like in the most literal sense of the word

Joel's role specifically has me so mentally ill. Okay. So like. You need a teensy bit of lore for this ok and this will include spoilers for baldy gate 3 if the 2.5 people who read this far intend to play the viddy game well stop reading but still kiss me on the mouth.

So the Lore has many gods and the gods are just real tangible all powerful beings. Much like with Greek mythos, you following a specific god isn't because you only believe in that God, but because you're most devoted to them. Well that's how I see it anyway. And there are three gods associated with death and evil (it's more complicated than that in my hc but we don't have time). One of them is Bhaal. And Bhaal, get this, is the most metal fucking fictional god I've seen because he's the god of MURDER.

Something something he had to give birth to people called Bhaalspawn for some reason who are his direct children and carry a piece of him within them or something (Bg/dnd superfans don't come at me) and it's all part of his grand plan to take over the world. WHATEVER

But Joel IS a bhaalspawn. And he was Bhaal's specialest most favorite bhaalspawn. And now, okay, the thing about bhaalspawns is that they're not actually inherently evil, but they do carry that part of Bhaal within them - his will, and his potential for power. Some Bhaalspawn are raised specifically to be daddy's best little murderers and of course that's how Joel was brought up.

He was examplary because he was trained to be. He was capable of some of the most rancid bloodshed because it was what he was taught, and rewarded for. He was created to be murder incarnate, so any other emotions (love, empathy, etc) were shunned until Joel was either incapable of it, or refused to show it.

Except something happened. He got betrayed, usurped, and infected with the aforementioned brainworms which led to his memory loss. What did remain, even as he escaped the ship keeping him captive, even as he joined up with other infected survivors, was... A primal need. Like it was coded in his DNA, like it was in his blood itself: he had a need to kill. Not just kill, but spread misery, spread pain, and acquire power at any cost. He mostly unleashes those urges onto his enemies, but it never feels like enough. Like a scratch he can't quite itch. Of course, that's all Bhaal trying to reel him back in, Bhaal trying to reclaim him.

But like clockwork - because such ingrained training doesn't go away no matter how much one thinks they forgot - he finds himself relishing in it. In the violence of it all. The only time he feels truly alive is when he's covered in blood and gut.

... That is, until he finds himself growing closer and closer to Jimmy. After a night where Jimmy, desperately trying to hide his very obvious identity as a vampire but also desperately hungry, tries to feed off of Joel, and reveals his secret... Well, Joel had all rights to kill him right then and there. He reasons that there's no fun in killing someone so helpless but in truth there's something a bit charming about Jimmy. He's earnest, and he's just so... Not exactly innocent, but also sort of? He gives Joel to urge to protect him. To hold him so tight and close as to choke him. But in a sweet way. Probably.

Joel won't be able to put it into words for a long while yet, half because he refuses to let himself feel such things because he's so horrifically repressed. He was the only one at camp who didn't even guess Jimmy was a vampire before the big reveal because he's got negative int and wis (his strategy in battle is just hit things hard before they can hit you and honestly it works most of the time) so he'd just never noticed the obvious signs. Anyway. Because his blood is the tastiest and somehow he's one of the companions who acts the least weird about it, which really says a lot, Jimmy ends up mostly feeding off of him. And, well, something about letting your homie regularly suck blood out of your neck is bound to lead to something more. Joel becomes a bit possessive of his little birdie.

When Joel learns that he's Bhaal's special little princess, in truth he's fucking elated, because he spends weeks torturing himself in an attempt to remember who he is, what he's doing, what's wrong with him - and he's finally afforded answers. He leans fully into it. He's so happy to serve his God with bloodshed.

Until he's faced with him. With Bhaal. And after Joel committed countless atrocities (which the rest of their group didn't mind that much as lokgi as they stayed in the clear. They're all bad people) bhaal asks him to shed one last bit of blood before receiving his blessing, before becoming his chosen, he who will enact the murder God's plans. He needs to get rid of his pesky earthly desires and affections. They have no place within murder incarnate. He asks Joel to flat out kill Jimmy or die right here and then.

You'd think Joel would hesitate with how intensely pro-Bhaal he is. You'd think it would be a difficult decision. Jimmy would have thought too. Except that Joel's response is instant and intense. He tells Bhaal to go literally fuck himself, that he'd rather kill every last Bhaalspawn and make sure his bloodline ends with him, rather than lay a finger on Jimmy. Jimmy, whose helped his heavy heart feel so light and free. Jimmy, who makes him feel true warmth. Jimmy, who makes Joel want to appreciate every sunset, every breeze, every breath of fresh air. Jimmy, who treats Joel as so much more than a bloodthirsty beast.

Joel never thought he would want to be anything more than a bloodthirsty beast.

So of course Bhaal kills him because he's literally a god. Right in front of Jimmy. (there's plot and dnd magic that brings him back but it's definitely the culmination of his arc; that Joel, groomed to become murder incarnate, was given an opportunity to find another meaning to his life)

Also they have CRAZY sex

[sketchy-tour]

Happy Valentines Day!!!! Or just "Happy Heart Chocolates Day" as one of my pals likes to call it!

Definitely not gonna be able to draw anything for Valentines day. A shame. So much hit me all at once so I hadn't been in the state of mind to do it.

Oh well! Maybe I'll make something late for Valentines day. Oh or my birthday! I should focus on drawing something for my birthday-

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Just stumbled across my half-finished Luckity Donut Hole animatic and I'm like MAN I wish I finished this.

[hopelesslovebug]

i never wanted to be an artist, yes i loved watching cartoons but i wouldn't care for the style, i would even roll my eyes when an anime would come up and i would sleep in the art class, i would count the second to pass the time in it

i never wanted to be an artist, i wanted to be a writer but i'm a failure at convening my thoughts and i can't think too deeply into things

i never wanted to be an artist, not until when my parents would only talk about my brother academic grades and never mention me in the conversation, not until when there was this boy who i respected doodled something so good Infront of me and the idea of someone being better than me in anything pissed me off so much

i never wanted to be an artist, i only wanted to be special (i didn't want to be forgotten in the background)

i never wanted to be an artist, i never liked drawing anyway i even dropped it after some kids made fun of my early drawings but i didn't have any friends i had nothing to do in my free time so i had picked drawing again

i never wanted to be an artist, but i already wasted 7 years on it i can't go back

i never wanted to be an artist, but it became like a ritual i would draw everyday and it would calm my nerves

i never wanted to be an artist, i can't remember any hatred i had towards art now i can't even imagine myself not drawing ever it became a part of me

i never wanted to be an artist, but i don't want to stop drawing