#I wish I could help people do that but idk how to bcs I was forced to do it

[lastoneout]

it's one of those things where like, I don't think suffering is good for you or anything, but when you're gnc or butch I think you have to at some point look in the mirror and face the realization that you are simply never going to be able to look the way society wants you to look, either because you just can't or because forcing yourself to will kill you, and so it's time to stop trying and instead focus on figuring out what will make you happy

and once you've done that it kinda becomes hard to...I don't wanna say sympathize but yeah it gets a little hard to talk to people who haven't had to do that, especially when they're trapped in their "I have to look like a Kardashian oh god I'm "fat" and hairy and have wrinkles no one will ever love me" spirals because you really just wish that person would also have the moment you had where you were forced to give up on being beautiful and then had to keep living anyway

[kimetsu-chan]

I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted

I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people

I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;

so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)

[triglycercule]

i love doodling swapinverse like hello drawing characters aside from the normal mtt is lowkey therapeutic 🧡🧡🧡 anyways i FINALLY FINALLY finished crash's lore!!!! and vice.SER is connected to him,,,, theyre interconnected!!! i forgot how much i liked crash's design (not the design but all the little gimmicks in the design. figuring out all the hanging ribbon bits is annoying but hey it looks good)

[mifhortunach]

.

[skunkes]

I heard that tech + engineering is a really good field to get into!!! If yr lookin to go back to college…. But I hope you find success nonetheless…. I can picture you as a sleepy art teacher at a college he he

Yaaa ive heard things ab tech for sure...i wish there were more careers for pea brained ppl...

in another universe i would be a printmaking professor because nothing was more fulfilling than 1. The printmaking itself 2. the community of being in a printmaking class

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[blizzardfluffykpop]

why the fuck do i miss pigeons

[cmonangel]

okay so i finally read a ballad of songbirds and snakes which led to me rereading the hunger games trilogy over the past week (SO GOOD i could make a whole other post) but then i thought it would be a good idea to watch the movies but then literally started sobbing from the beginning and started again every time single time they showed rue before the games even started or anything

[bunnyb34r]

I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

[teruthecreator]

trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard

[cutearose]

okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for

[elegyofthemoon]

i'm thinking about the sunchildren again bc enkanomiya ost is my go-to study music.

Like Ion for example was someone who was inept with telling people's fortunes, but on his grave, it's written "he failed to predict his own short life." Tbh, based on the one conversation we get to have with his Sunshadow, where he tells us that many people of Enkanomiya have such poor luck so he chooses to lie to them instead, I feel that Ion must have known about his death. He doesn't know the context of it or why this is the case, but in that short span of life, he may have just wanted to make people happy, even if it meant lying about their fortunes.

Or Rikoru who was manipulated to believe Aberaku was trying to kill him when it was the one who manipulated him that would be the cause of his death. Aberaku was trying to speak up against the Jibashiri using a child as a puppethead over the rest of Enkanomiya, but of course, the Jibashiri would jail him and tell Rikoru that Aberaku was wrong and that he's just trying to threaten Rikoru. Plus, Rikoru being the first sunchild -- it makes me wonder how did the Jibashiri manage him first, setting a basis of how to treat the Sunchildren before tending to the others. I just wish that there was more information regarding the Jibashiri to understand them more.

[onlythebravest]

-

[astrxealis]

sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

[gaypinebabe]

I HAVE 5 HOURS LEFT TO SLEEP AND I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M TO FUCKING ANGRY AT THE WORLD

a few month ago a fat disabled guy told me that he didn't respect nonbinary people because 'if they don't like when they put into boxes why do they put themselves in one' and man fuck that so much how much can you misunderstand being trans? Being a person? Gender as a hole???

Back then I was already pretty pissed and drunk so I couldnt just tell him that he got it all wrong and just needs to get it right but I'm so mad about this for so long and the damn nonbinary person just sat there and was like 'yeah what ever did you know your wive is the prettiest woman in the world?' (he was way more drunk and also on drugs it was maybe the worst day of my live but I could not stop pretending everything was fine because esp when I'm drunk I don't want to act stupid and tbh the guy wasn't the worst person ever he was very nice to us and our other trans friend and it was his house) BUT ANYWAYS I WANT TO PUNCH HIM BCS HE GOT IT SO WRONG and is hurting himself and the people around him with his brain and sure as fuck I do that too but he was so grrrrrr like do cis people do not see what they do?? He was talking about how much he hated bit being able to wear a bra(breastholder) because he as a fat man with back problems would get comfort out of wearing one and I asked him why he didn't just do it and of course he had no answer to that bcs the only reasons he has is 1 to thing he isnt allowed to and 2 he would be embarrassed to wear 'woman' underwear...

I mean we also talked about bdsm maybe he didn't wanted to make it look like it was something kink related but then just wear a sports bra be a little brave make yourself more comfortable too