#I want to be grateful towards the things that I DO have. But it is hard when I feel like everything else is pushing me off a bridge

[misctf]

Singing a New Tune

Written for Occam's 2000 Follower Writing Challenge

“Babe, I love you.”

Jared smiled down at Julie, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He had to imagine his girlfriend dreamed of this moment. A romantic kiss at a Tiffany Stabina concert as the star finished out her set with one of Julie’s favorite songs. A slow romantic song- one that Jared knew all too well from frequent replays in the car.  

“Anything for you babe.” He replied, holding her closely in his muscular arms, “I love you too.”

This certainly wasn’t his kind of music. And he didn’t understand the cult-like devotion to Tiffany. But seeing Julie this happy? Worth it. Still, he imagined the other straight dudes here were thinking similarly. In fact, he and the guy next to him shared several looks throughout the night. A silent comradery acknowledging they’d rather be elsewhere. And if they had been elsewhere, Jared would’ve asked the guy for his arm day routine.

“Alright babe, we ought to head out before...”

“To all my fans, I love you!” Tiffany called out, their cheers drowning Jared’s words, “You’ve all been with me from the beginning, and I am so grateful.” She placed a hand over her heart, “But you all know I’ve been criticized.” The fans all booed, “And they’ve come after you too.”

“A bit dramatic.” Jared chuckled, earning a glare from Julie.

“You wouldn’t get it.” She replied, “They go after he for everything.” The jock nodded, not wanting to risk ruining their perfect night, “But when she sings, it’s like she’s speaking directly to you. People just don’t get it.” Jared nodded. There were some things just not worth it.

“I wasn’t going to do this, but I have a new song for you all this evening!” The crowd erupted in screams and applause. Jared groaned, “They say I’m pandering? Then I’ll pander.” She continued, and the crowd got louder.

Jared knew there would be no way of getting Julie to leave now. And he silently dreaded the hours they’d be stuck in traffic. But as the song started and Tiffany’s words echoed through the stadium, his thoughts slowed.

“They say I only cater to a few.”

Jared felt lightheaded, the sound of the crowd growing distant.

“The gays and the girls, oh boo hoo.”

“Julie?” He whispered, but she didn’t respond, “Julie, please...” He felt sick. The world was spinning, everything becoming black, “Fuck, fuck, fuck...” He whispered. He couldn’t move. Was he dying? Was this it?

“But I won’t back down, I won’t apologize.” Jared looked up and saw her. Tiffany Stabina. Standing in front of him, “For making them feel alive.” She strutted towards the helpless jock.

“What...? How is this...?”

“I see you dancing in the dark, feeling completely torn apart.” She sang.

Jared yelped as he felt a cool breeze caress him. And to his horror, he realized he was nude. Butt naked in front of Tiffany Stabina no less. She grinned and approached him, circling his nude figure and wrapping her arms around him.

“Embrace your uniqueness, don’t hide.”

Jared gasped as she placed pressure on his shoulders. He felt the floor getting closer as he lost inch after inch of height. He now stood at eye level with the 5’6” popstar.

“Wait? What did you do to me?” He yelped.

“Now let my music take you for a ride.”

She ran a hand along his muscular arms. Her very touch sent a wave of pleasure straight to his dick, and he blushed as all 10 inches stood at attention. Tiffany smirked, but continued rubbing his biceps and triceps. Her sensual touch was intoxicated, and Jared watched helplessly as his proud muscles started to diminish. His biceps atrophied, followed quickly by his triceps. His slender arms giving off the appearance they hadn’t seen a gym in years. He tried to cry out, but Tiffany placed a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. He could only watch as her hands roamed his impressive pecs. He had always been proud of his pecs, and he loved when Julie rested her head on his chest. But now, he could only watch as they flattened away.

“Wait...” He was able to force out. But Tiffany was relentless, and her hands roamed down his abs.

He shed a few tears as his abs vanished, leaving him with a flat, slender tummy. There was no way this could be happening. It had to be some type of acid trip or something. Jared kept trying to reassure himself, even as she moved to his legs and quickly destroyed his muscular thighs and calves, leaving his legs slender and dainty. His feet followed, and quickly diminished from size 13s to 9.5s in mere seconds.

“My music is my contagion, unapologetic. Now we’re gonna collide.” Tiffany continued, this time wrapping her hands around his cock, “My fans are my tribe, I won’t divide.”

Jared felt like the wind was knocked out of him from both the pain and pleasure from her touch. And he watched as she shrunk his proud member. The young jock always knew he was well endowed. And he knew how to use it too. But as he watched his dick shrink from its proud ten inches to a mere 3 inches hard, he felt his confidence diminish.

“We’ll rise together, side by side.”

Her hands made their way to his flat ass. He tried to crane his neck to see what she was about to do. But he didn’t need to see. He could immediately feel his ass expand in her hands, filling them with firm, yet jiggly fat and muscle. He let out a moan as she caressed his basketball-sized ass cheeks, and he nearly came when she gave one a firm slap.

“Pl-please stop...” He begged as she placed a hand over his neck, “You can't do thith...” His voice cracked and he winced, “What’th happening to my voithe? Why do I thound like thith?” He begged, his voice cracking, “No, thith doethn't thound right.” His voice settled a few octaves higher, his masculine tone now lost forever.

“So bring on the hate, let the critics rage. We’ll keep on dancing, it’s time to turn the page.”

As she continued to caress his now slender body, and grind against him, he felt off. His dick  softened, as her physicality became less appealing to him. Her bouncing boobs and thick lips didn’t seem to do it for him. Even her touch was losing its pleasure. And he realized in terror what was occurring.

“No, not thith!” He begged, “Come on, come, think of thomething.” He remembered the BJ Julie gave him last night, and even the lesbian porn he watched a few days ago. But his measly member stayed soft, “No... pleathe...”

He felt Tiffany’s hand on his head. His pleading eyes met hers, and he knew he’d find no mercy. His hair restyled itself, and he felt a piercing pain in his left earlobe, which suddenly adourned a diamond stud. But her touch was doing far more than making a few style alterations. In his mind, his memories were shifting. Showering after football practice? Changing in the locker room after a lifting session with his bros? Watching football with his family?

“Oh god...” He moaned, as his small dick hardened and his ass throbbed with need.

He didn’t play football. He got fucked by the quarterback in the shower after a game. He wasn’t lifting at the gym. He was doing cardio and sucking off the gym bros between their sets. He didn’t watch sports like football. He just sat and scrolled on his phone, reading up on the latest Tiffany Stabina gossip and scrolling his socials. And as his new reality cemented itself, Jared’s eyes lost their intelligent spark and became half-lidded, his brain filling with celebrity gossip and how to please guys.

“This contagion’s here to stay, and we’ll celebrate it every day.”

She kissed him on the cheek. And with that, Jared was back. The cheers of the crowd filling his ears, as Tiffany thanked her fans and left the stage. Jared smiled.

“Oh my god! That wath tho amathing!” He cheered, “Tiffany! I love you!” He yelled, “It wath like Tiffany thpoke to me.”

“You felt that way too?” Jared turned and came face to face with a man of similar build. Albeit with slightly bigger arms, “Tiffany, like, totally thpeakth for uth.” He grinned as Jared felt up his arms.

“Wait!” A voice called out behind him, “Did you see the guy I came here with?” Julie asked, looking around desperately, “I swear, he was right here. I...”

“Thorry thithter, I hope you find him!” Jared replied, turning his attention back to the guy.

“Tho weird, thome poor girl athked me about her boyfriend too.” The man replied, “Probably got drunk and left to watch football.”

“OMG tho lame.” Jared laughed. The two smiled at one another, “Tho, like...”

“Wanna go back to my place? I have her latetht album.” The man winked, and Jared shuddered as his ass throbbed with need.

“That thounds delightful.” Jared replied, pulling the man in closer, his smile widening as the man squeezed his ass, “Oh! But like firtht I totally need a thelfie! I want everyone to know I thupport Tiffany and Tiffany thupports me!” He cheered, capturing their kiss on camera and posting it to his socials.

Later that night, Jared and his lover explored one another’s new bodies. Jared gasping at the size of his lover’s cock, moaning as he felt a firm hand squeeze his ass. His moans would continue to fill the room that night. With each thrust of his new lover’s dick, Jared was in heaven. Unaware of his former life or the horror it would bring his former self to see him like this. Just another horny slut- another gay twink dedicated to Tiffany Stabina.

[honeyed-nothings]

To Have a Crush: Savanaclaw

Warning(s): Gender-neutral reader, not proof-read, OOC

Notes: Procrastination hit me hard…also I did not expect to spend an hour finding decent enough emoticons for them. May just switch to regular bullet point style someday since I’m still trying to figure out what format I like(╥_╥). Never realized how hard it was to make a pretty format on tumblr until now. Also I’ve gotten pretty rusty too but my schedule has finally cleared up a bit so I’ll be able to be a little more active now!

Heartslabyul | Savanclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia

Leona Kingscholar

𓄂 A crown of love that the king wears. A herbivore was all you were to him. Another nameless face in the faceless crowd of people who he couldn’t care less about in the grand scheme of things. That’s how it was supposed to stay…until it didn’t. The proud lion will never admit this (or at least not anytime soon) but that day where you, a weak and stupidly stubborn human, stood your ground among all the dust and debris was both one of the most frustrating experiences in his life and also the first time he ever thought of you as ‘strong’. Every so often he thinks back to that moment and sighs before pulling you towards him to lay on the grass.

𓄂 A king should always be accompanied by his retainers. However, he’s not king and you’re definitely not his retainer. Just a stubborn herbivore who happened to catch his eye, that’s all. You’re not that great as an errand runner either but it’s better than just one. A help that Ruggie greatly appreciates but occasionally complains about how you always take the lighter load. Don’t think much about it, he just doesn’t want you messin’ up or anythin’. Strangely, whenever you do run errands for him, there’s conviently always an extra that he gives to you. Reasoning to you that the King of Beasts would’ve done the same thing to those under his care. The proud lion knows this is a lie he can’t keep using to play off what he feels inside. Not when his own ears and tail betray him.

𓄂 Tch, well this is embarrassing.

𓄂 Maybe it was a good thing that Leona already knew. From the moment his tail unconsciously wrapped around you, he knew what his heart was telling him as it beat in his chest. There, with you and him napping underneath the shade of a tree, he realized he had fallen in love. He didn’t know whether he should’ve laughed or cursed the world so he chose to do neither instead. Gently brushing a stray leaf off that had fallen on your face, he chuckled. Guess something like love ain’t all that bad.

𓄂 A crownless lion who’s more hated than loved and a visitor from a place far from here. An interesting duo you two make as he pulls you yet again away from class to nap in the shade with him. His attempts at catching your heart aren’t too noticeable, only noticed by the keenest of eyes. He’ll never be the ideal partner, that he acknowledges despite his pride. But being sappy and overly romantic isn’t his style. That’s why, he’ll win your heart in his own way. A path perhaps not that of a king, but of a man in-love. The prideful lion may not bow his head to no one, but for you he’ll take a knee.

“Huh, well aren’t you gettin’ bolder? I didn’t think you’d beat me to it.”

Ruggie Bucchi

シ Hidden amidst the dirt and grime was love. It’s ingrained into Ruggie to look after people but he’s learnt to not let it be given without a price. Outside of his family and Leona, the latter of whom was more so to help his own skin, he didn’t exactly feel any desire or need to look after you. Sure he felt pity, after all you’re in a tighter spot than him in the world, but aside from that you were just an after thought. Nobody of note that could be beneficial to him in any way. That was until Leona overbloted and well…he’s somewhat grateful that you don’t have much of a survival instinct. You’re a real goody two-shoes aren’t you? Still, he’s thankful that you’re the way that you are. Hyenas never forget a debt and this one he owes to you alone.

シ It really just started off with it being to repay his debt to you. Sure it’s not much but he can’t really do anything fancy like paying you millions of madols or giving you land. That’s why, the hyena has chosen to pay it back his own way. Simple as it may be, it’s all he really has to offer. It’s not like watching your back is gonna cause him anymore work than he’s already got. Soon enough, he found himself doing more than what he intended to. Giving parts of his lunch to you, claiming he didn’t feel like it or there was extra. Stopping during his errands whenever he spotted you to have a quick chat before going off again with slightly more enthusiasm than before. Or heck, sparing you a few madols so you can get what you need. It’s kinda a loss but he just can’t seem to make himself stop. Not when you smile at him so brightly.

シ Wait a minute.

シ Nah…nahh he can’t seriously be in love with you or somethin’, right? Being close to you is just to pay off his debt, not cause he actually likes your company or anything, right?? But as his eyes catch his reflection on the window panes of the college, he can no longer deny the blush on his face or the rapid beating of his heart as the thought of you runs rampant in his mind once again. Well, guess there’s no point in fidgeting around anymore.

シ He’s not much, really he ain’t. Ruggie knows he won’t hold a candle to anyone else in the school in terms of magic or madol but what he does have is his smarts. In his own way, he’ll try and appeal to you. Sometimes he’s confident, other times he feels like he wants to die from how embarrassing it must’ve looked. Still, he tries and tries and tries. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’ll choose him buried underneath piles of trash.

“You-…you’re really choosing me?”

Jack Howl

ᴥ︎ Love that resounds throughout the night. A team up was all Jack figured it’d be. An agreement to right the wrongs and set things straight so that one day, once more, Savanaclaw would be able to say from the bottom of their hearts that they won. Nothing big enough to lead into the friendship that came to be between you and him. Well then things took a turn for the worse and then the better and well…he’s sure you get it. An accident, a friendship, a bond, whatever it is, the stubborn wolf has decided that he’ll have your back. No matter what and no matter where, he’ll help you out.

ᴥ︎ Respect was all it was. A respect towards a magicless human who proved their own strength by courageously standing in the face of death. Not everyone has a spirit like that and the wolf beastman couldn’t help but look at that and think ‘Ah, now that’s strength’. In doing so, he wanted to be respected by you too. That’s why, when he could, he’d wait outside Ramshackle and walk with you to your classes, carrying your books and providing an umbrella if it’s a rainy day. Need help on the homework? He won’t tell you the answers but he’ll help you figure it out at least. Like working out? Great! He’s more than willing to provide some tips and tricks to achieving the goal you want. Well it wasn’t until Ruggie teased him about how much more happy he seemed doing all that stuff for you that it finally clicked for him. This…isn’t good.

ᴥ︎ D-don’t misunderstand him!

ᴥ︎ Actually no, maybe you should— wait no you shouldn’t! Jack doesn’t know how to feel about…this now that he fully recognizes it. Well- he does, in a way, it’s just…complicated. To be honest, he did have a suspicion that his feelings of respect towards you had turned into something deeper. How fast his tail wagged whenever you were nearby, how he wanted to put even more effort into whatever he was doing when you were watching, how red his face turned whenever he took a ‘secret’ glance in your direction, it really was way too obvious looking back on it.

ᴥ︎ Wolf-type beastmen only have one partner for the rest of their lives. Dedicating themselves entirely to whoever their partner may be. Jack always dreamed of finding his one true partner, he just never expected it to happen so soon. Yes, a crush to him counts as his one true love as childish as it may be. With exactly zero romantic experience under his belt and only equipped with the knowledge of the multiple times his parents told him their love story, he attempts to appeal to you. Surprisingly, for a first timer in love, they’re all thought out and not embarrassing. Jack isn’t good at hiding how feels about you in front of you or anyone else, but it has a certain charm to it. The charm of an adolescent boy in love who cares for you quietly, unable to hide how he feels, as his heart and tail follow the same beat.

“..Phew, you’re here. Prefect, I—uh need to tell you something.”

[verycoolusername1]

The Game

Summary: In which Ethan Edwards can't help but pay attention to the drum major of the Umich marching band.

Ethan Edwards x Gn!reader

Warning: I can't really think of any right now

A/N: Yes, I made y/n drum major, something I could only wished to achieve in high school, and I'm a band kid. SO WHAT?? I based this off of my high school band(which isn't competitive but has two drum majors(in this it's just one, I'm giving yn the spotlight- BUT I DO HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR THE OTHER DRUM MAJOR) and like SO many people), so things might be a little bit different, but nonetheless band is band, so let's go!

I never had games during the day so for 3rd quarter break, uhhh they're just getting lunch(which is still pizza cause that's what I always got lmao)

Uhhh and this when the hughes family came to umich for a game, so like recent(Jack's girlfriend isn't in this though at all as I do not support her nor her actions)

I have a cold rn so I'm missing a game today :(

It was his senior year of college. Ethan honestly had no idea how he made it this far, but he was happy it was almost over.

His lungs were on fire for cheering at every touchdown. He had never been more grateful it was now halftime.

"I'm going to concessions, you guys want anything?" Luca asked.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna stay for this." Ethan exclaimed.

"Looks like someone wants to see the cheerleaders." Luca mutters.

Ethan slapped the back of his head, Luca held his hands up in surrender. When Ethan turned his head he was met with a stranger bumping into them.

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" They began to apologize.

"It's fine." Ethan rushed out.

This also gave him a moment to observe the person, they weren't in typical clothing but rather the opposite. In uniform that stood out from others.

"That's uh a nice uniform you got there." Ethan cringed mentally at how he sounded.

You chuckled awkwardly. "Thanks." You turned your head. "Sorry I gotta go, uh see you around stranger!"

"It's Ethan!" He called out after you.

"See you around Ethan!" You said your goodbye before running to the field.

Ethan watched you in confusion, you weren't on the football team or atleast not that he knew of but then he saw it. You were with the band.

You stood in front of them on the field while the band was in count out position.

Subconsciously you looked up and met eyes with Ethan, you blushed slightly before remembering why you were there.

"At the ready!"

The band followed your command and got into position, getting quiet while doing so. The crowd got silent too, waiting in anticipation for what to come.

"Band ten hut!"

"Hut!" The band replied.

Ethan watched in amazement as you controlled the band and how they listened to you without a second thought.

You were nervous to say the least, this was the first time you was on the field without James(the other drum major, he had a cold).

The band were making their way towards the opening set of the opener leaving count out position.

Just ten more minutes you told yourself, but it felt longer with Ethan? You think his name was, had his eyes set on you. You couldn't see it but you felt it.

"One, two, one, two, ready, and!" You counted off.

Ethan watched at the band move miraculously as you kept conducting and in time. He could never do that, playing a song from memory and remembering where you went on the field. He never knew how much work the band puts into a ten minute show until now.

Ethan watched you most of the time rather than the actual show. Hell, even when the band came off the field, he was still only staring at you. No cheerleader could pull him away from the drum major.

"Looks like someone caught Ethan's eye." Duke whispered to Luke, who laughed.

Luca came back from concessions with a bag of popcorn and a hotdog.

"Who caught Ethan's eye?" Luca practically yelled, forcing Ethan's eyes to leave you and to his friends.

"No one!" "Someone in the band!" Ethan and Mackie spoke at the same time.

"The drum major?" Luke clarifies.

"What no you can't be serious?" Luca asked. "A band kid?"

"Hey band kids are awesome." Quinn piped up.

"I gotta agree with Quinn there Luca." Jack agreed.

"And this one in particular is good looking." Mark adds.

"You aren't allowed to say that." Ethan muttered.

"Yeah cause only you can." Luke teases.

"Do you know their name?" Jack asks.

"No but they know mine." Ethan began to smile.

"Oh my god, don't even know their name and you're already whipped." Duke laughed.

"Ethan!" You called his name, making him and everyone turn to look at you.

You were used to the attention being drum major and all. But having Ethan and his friends look at you made your stomach churn up butterflies.

You guestered for him to come to the plaza as the band was having their 3rd quarter break. You stifled a laugh as Ethan practically tripped on his own feet trying to get to you.

"Are you okay?" You asked as he reached you.

"Better now." He chucked, out of breath.

"Y/n." You told him.

"Hm?" Ethan looked down at you.

"My name is Y/n." You clarified with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh." Ethan now realized what you meant. "Well then Y/n... halftime was amazing."

The way your name rolled off his tongue made it feel like he'd known you for years. It made your heart swell.

Realizing that you have been staring at him and didn't say anything in reply and you cleared your throat and looked away.

Thankfully before you could say anything, your friend Robin came up to the two of you.

"Hey Y/n and..." Robin eyes widened as she whispered to you, not so subtly. "Oh my god, is this the cute guy you bumped into before halftime?"

You looked at her with a look that read, 'if you don't stop talking imma shut you up myself."

"His name is Ethan." You muttered, not even daring to look up at him as he held an amused look on his face.

Robin nodded slowly before blurting out. "I'm gay! I mean uh- I like woman not men! They said you're cute not me obviously I mean- wait what? Sorry!" She clarifies.

"Robin I love you," You started. "But please leave."

Robin nodded quickly. "Alright yeah got it bye!" She ran off.

"Sorry about her, she tends to over share sometimes." You explained.

"Oh no Luke's like that all the time." Ethan chuckled. "So uh you think I'm cute huh?" He starts to tease.

You muttered an "Oh my god." Before covering your face with your hands.

Ethan laughed again only a bit more softly as he spoke. "Hey it's okay."

"And this is the part where you tell me you have a hot girlfriend back at home." You told yourself, not caring if he heard it.

Ethan frowned at this. "This is actually the part where I tell you I'm single and I would like to get your number."

You snapped your head up at Ethan, shocked.

"You want my number?" You asked him.

He nodded rapidly. "I mean yeah, why wouldn't I want the cute drum majors number?"

Your face grew hot to his words before clearing your throat. "Oh... then uh yeah yeah I can give you my number."

Ethan gave you his phone as you quickly typed your number in and sent a message to yourself.

"Two minutes!" Your band director called out.

"Shit," You cursed under your breath. "I have to go."

"Right." Ethan smiled sadly.

You did as well before you came up with an excellent idea. "Meet me at the band room after the game."

"Uh I would but I have no idea where that is." He explained.

"The band room? Oh I definitely know where that is." Luke suddenly appeared beside him. "I'll make sure he arrives in one piece."

"Thanks Hughes." You chuckles before giving Ethan a soft smile. "Bye Ethan. I'll see you later."

"Band, let's start making our way back now!" You yelled.

"Oh they could totally yell at me like that." Ethan whispered under his breath.

Luca slapped his chest. "Dude this is getting weird."

"Hey uh Luke, how did they know your name?" Mackie asks.

"Well It's complicated." Luke says before quickly adding. "We didn't hookup!"

"You're probably the reason Robin's gay." Ethan muttered as a joke.

"Hey! I heard that!" Luke rolled his eyes.

[f1ghtsoftly]

my head is scrambled but in Kate Manne’s “The Logic Of Misogyny” she put to words something I always, always knew was true.

Most of the time Men don’t hurt women for no reason, they punish women who assert themselves/their personhood. Misogynistic violence is a punishment, it’s a form of conditioning to get women to behave submissively towards men. To punish women for existing in public without male protection. To punish women for daring to think her intellect, athletic or artistic achievement could come before her sex.

I don’t present super femme anymore or hang around men outside my family basically ever-but when I did I was frequently targeted for sexual assault, usually by men who were frustrated they were attracted to me but couldn’t have me. They felt like I was taunting them-but asserting my right to exist as someone they were attracted to/without any sort of male protection or a male protection that didn’t involve sexual favors/submission. That wasn’t an accident, I’m sure if I meekly cowered behind a big boyfriend, I’m sure if I stayed inside, I’m sure if I didn’t assert myself as extraverted, intelligent, funny or charismatic those men would have left me alone-but that would have meant hiding myself from the world, hiding myself from other women and to me that was a bigger loss than a ‘lil danger. I made choices as a young person that I knew with certainty would bring me in closer proximity to men who wanted to hurt me, I decided that living a freer life was better than living a safe one. I don’t necessarily regret my assessment of patriarchy, I am sad that the price you pay for being an independent woman (in a social sense) in public is assault. I don’t blame women who think their safety is more important than making a statement. I’m sad for us both. I’m grateful I was able to find feminist communities because victimization isn’t just something casual you can shake off, even if it feels like men constantly target you/women in general.

Assault doesn’t just roll of your back either. It hurts. In the moment and for years afterwards it hurts. It’s always senseless. Always dehumanizing to the extreme. Always enraging. Always profoundly violating. Always a shock. I struggle to reconcile what I know about rape with what I know about people. I know people can be cruel, unthinking, insecure. I don’t know how someone can plot the rape of a friend or a stranger who has done nothing to deserve it. I don’t know how men can secretly tape their lovers, manipulate a young woman into sex she doesn’t want or do any of the things men do consistently or routinely. I don’t know how a boy could look at the face of his too drunk friend and go “this is my opportunity to have my way with her” instead of putting her to bed. Carelessness, thoughtless is easy to imagine. Conscious cruelty is not. Men know what they do and they either don’t care or like it.

I’m crying in a park in my Dad’s pickup truck. “There are worse things than this, you didn’t die-you’re alive” He says “this wasn’t your fault, I just want to keep you safe and what happened to you isn’t something I can control even though I wish I could”. “I’d feel better if you lived in Austin, because their self defense laws are better, there are lots of gay people there too”

He makes me laugh. I won’t move to Texas. He’s right, it’s not my fault, and helping me get better at self defense helps him feel like he can do something and while self defense does help-it’s not a perfect strategy. The misogynist’s prerogative is to snuff out the life force of the woman he interacts with, the only way to stop him from trying to do that is to become apart of the living dead. Even then, he’ll get your corpse.

There are worse things than rape in this life. A woman alive is better than a woman dead. I guess, but what life is it when constantly forced to battle for your right to live? When at a moments notice you can be filled from the inside out with death. Rotted from your insides out. I wish New York would let me have a gun. I wish I could make men afraid and polite in my presence the way I feel afraid and polite in theirs. I’m so tired of this.

[2aceofspades]

Update

Hi hello 🙌✨

~Little rant-y update incoming~

I debated whether to make a post about this or not, but I’ve ultimately decided to do so. I’ve been in the Rise fandom for two years now and I’ve thoroughly loved and enjoyed being a part of it. I am so grateful for this time and space I’ve had, and I have no regrets sharing my love and art for this fandom throughout these past two years.

I’ve also been making some positive changes in my personal life. At the same time, I have been/am experiencing a loss of motivation to draw any Rise content. That isn’t to say that I have lost total interest in Rise or TMNT or even art in general. My attention has shifted towards more personal artwork and projects, such as illustrating and experimenting with my own ideas and style. There was a time where this was very much my process and I was not a part of any fandom, and I think I am shifting my focus back to that, if that makes sense.

I have been sitting with this for a while now and decided that I wanted to say something about my potential lack of posting and interacting on Tumblr instead of just ghosting completely. To be so honest, I’m not entirely sure where to go with this blog, whether I’ll post and reblog things occasionally or not. I’m still very much adjusting and balancing things. That is to say that I am currently prioritizing other things in my life instead of really keeping up with updating my Tumblr page.

Additionally, I also want to thank you all for your support, your love, and for your acceptance of me into this fandom. I truly cherish being a part of a community of people where we can share art, writing, experiences, and stories with one another. I have learned and grown from this time, and I am most grateful ❤️

My ask box was also closed for a brief period, but I have decided to leave it open for now. I will answer asks when I find the time and I feel inspired, but it may be more sporadic. I appreciate y'all's patience and thank you again so very much for your understanding and support.

[hircines-hunter]

WIP almost Wednesday

still got the Ulfric brainrot. It’s getting worse if I’m buying merch…. Oh well! Maybe I need a new hobby! I’ll see. couldn’t decide on what to actually post. So, I’ll post this thing since I made an image for it and everything.

Gonna tag @thequeenofthewinter @umbracirrus @mavariel @madamefluffnstuff @vivifriend

Anyone else that wants to do you can tag me please!

Dyrvina paced in the main hall. She sighed heavily. She messed with the red beads on her wrist.

Several weeks had passed since Ulfric and his army left for Solitude. Dyrvina grew worried with every passing day and night. The people grew worried. She was frequented by the same people at court daily. All of them concerned with the state of the war. As if anyone had time to report to her.

Frits moped around with her. Lerke followed her lady’s every step, armor clanking with each footfall. Dyrvina sighed again. She knew he was alive. There would’ve been reports, otherwise.

She bit at her nail. She stopped, walked to the throne, and sat down. How did he sit on this for so many years?

Dyrvina looked up when the doors burst open. She stood up. A Stormcloak scout ran towards the throne. Lerke stepped between the scout and Dyrvina. Her hand rested on her sword.

“The war….” He took a deep breath, trying to catch his breath. “Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak has won. The Empire and Thalmor have retreated to Cyrodiil. He….” The scout doubled over and panted. “Apologies, my lady. A letter. From the Jarl. To you.”

Lerke took the letter from the scout and walked to Dyrvina, who stepped down the dais.

Dyrvina looks at the letter. She traced the Stormcloak seal before carefully opening the letter and reading the contents.

Dyrvina found another folded piece of paper. She opened it. A list of casualties from Solitude, from both sides. Divines. Dyrvina felt her eyes water. “Jorleif.” She dabbed the tears in her eyes.

“Aye, my lady.” The steward appeared from the war room. Llaareni followed behind him. She gave Dyrvina a soft smile.

“This is from Ulfric for you. Please.”

The steward walked over and grabbed the paper. He glanced over it and nodded. “We will handle this.” He turned to Llaareni and nodded.

Dyrvina turned back to the scout. “Thank you for your speedy return with such important news. You may rest. The barracks are through that door.” She turned. “Please grab whatever food and drink you need. But please rest.”

“My lady. You should address the city.” Jorleif spoke up.

Dyrvina froze. She messed with the beads of her dress. “Town crier. Get a town crier. Ulfric is better at speeches.” She swallowed. She messed with the bracelet again. She took a deep breath.

“You can do it, Lady Dyrvina. Jarl Ulfric has entrusted you with his duties and the city. You have been doing an exceptional job. This is far too important to leave to a town crier.” Jorleif smiled.

Dyrvina nodded. “Okay…. Aye. I… I don’t have a fraction of Ulfric’s charisma.”

“The people still love you.” Lerke spoke this time. “We will be there.”

She nodded again. “Aye. I’ll try. Should I change? Is this dress okay to wear?” Dyrvina looked around for Maera.

“You always look great, Lady Dyrvina.” Lerke smiled. “It is Stormcloak blue. You wear a bear cloak. You look everything a Stormcloak Queen should look.”

“Llaareni and I will gather the city in the courtyard.” The steward and his assistant hurried out of the Palace.

“Can I even speak loud enough? I don’t have a voice or Thu’um like Ulfric?” Dyrvina wrung her hands. “By Talos. I wish he had just came into the city himself!” She cursed.

Lerke laughed. “Did you not want to take over Dawnstar at one point? And now here you are fretting over your duties.”

“I’ve had the perfect husband in that sense. I have found that I much prefer short term duties over long term. It has been a long month without him. And I have to wait longer. And I can now understand why I grate his nerves. By Talos. I cannot wait until he returns.” She sighed.

“Have you fallen in love with him?” Lerke laughed, knowing the answer.

“Not like that. He is family. And I care about him. I never realized how often I relied on his strength and support since we’ve been apart.” She turned when the doors opened and Jorleif and Llaareni returned. “Well…. I will let Windhelm know the news.”

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Never Date Your Celeb Crush (Homelander)

Description: Y/N is obsessed with Homelander....Until she gets him in bed.

Warning: Smutty

Word Count: 656

Request: I can’t find the actual request but it was sent in a while ago and they wanted one where the reader is obsessed with Homelander until they find out he is bad in bed.

Y/N couldn’t believe her eyes. The Homelander was looking at her in such a provocative way. Like he wanted her. Y/N thought she was dreaming at first but realized the entire night she was getting eye fucked by the man of her dreams.

She fantasizes about Homelander. The one and only thing she understood about FireCracker was the Homelander obsession. Though she was jealous of her and would die to be in her position and by the looks of it, She might be.

Homelander had never seen her around before and was nearly drooling at how good she looked. The red dress and the blue heels, was she trying to impress him? He had a big ego but he wasn’t wrong.

She laughed as she talked to one of the other party goers but her eyes kept drifting back to Homelander and he took note of that. It wouldn’t be too much later that he made his way towards her and she felt her heart stop.

He was much bigger and intimidating in person and up close. Homelander looked at her like she was a piece of meat but she didn’t mind one bit. “Hello.” He said and she struggled to keep herself together even though he was the one talking to her and started the conversation.

One thing led to another and she ended up back at his penthouse. He pushed her on the bed a little too hard but she shrugged it off as he got on top of her and started kissing her. The kiss was rough and hard, very sloppy and just not good.

She tried to set the pace but he wouldn't let her and kept doing his thing. She tried to ignore the fact that he was a bad kisser but once his hand drifted off to her pussy that wasn’t as wet as she would be if things were going good, she couldn’t hold back the laugh that had escaped her mouth.

He couldn’t even give her pleasure while rubbing her clit. Homelander pulled away from her neck with a very confused look on his face. Oh that was even more funny. “Homelander, have you ever had sex before?” That was a dumb question but his experience seemed to be leading towards that factor.

“Excuse me?” He was offended now. “Your kisses are too rough and sloppy and you can’t even rub my clit right.” His eyes were wide as she told him these things.

He was perfect in his eyes. He was the being of all and this mortal human with no powers was degrading him like this? “I am a god. I am the almighty. I am the Homelander and you think you get to say those things to me.” He gripped her face which caused her to freak out. “I’m sorry. I’m just not enjoying this.” She whispered.

“You should be grateful that I would even allow myself to you.” He growled. Wow he really was egotistical. “You’re right.” She said but he just rolled his eyes and got off her. She watched him as he paced his room, wondering what was on his mind.

“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” He rolled his eyes at her comment. Upset? Homelander wasn’t capable of feeling many things. He would never admit to such things.

“I want you to leave.” He told her and she stared at him in shock. She wasn’t upset like she thought she would be at his request. “Get out.” He yelled at her and she jumped up and got dressed. “Uh sir? I have no idea where I am.” She said and he sighed.

She looked at him as he picked her up and flew her back to the party.Before she could say anything else to him he flew off. She stood there repeating the past hour in her head and decided that there wasn’t anything special about him.

[loominggaia]

Sorry for the bad picture, it's been a rough day...Got my stitches out today and everything is going well so far! I mean, I look like I got in a knife fight, but...

I just wanted to pop in with some good news:

🎉🎉🎉NO CANCER!🎉🎉🎉

No cancer was detected in my thyroid nodules! However, the thyroid itself was behaving cancerously, so it had to be removed anyway. It would have just kept growing bigger and bigger until it became inoperable and killed me, so no regrets here.

My doctor strongly suspected papillary cancer, but nope, turns out my thyroid was just growing out of control for no reason. She said it's very rare for thyroids to do this without Hashimoto's disease or cancer, and I apparently have neither, so we've concluded that it's just a weird genetic defect. A lot of people in my family have this same defect, including my mom, so I'm not surprised. I'm just so relieved that it wasn't a cancer that could metastasize.

Some other interesting stuff from the report: My thyroid had developed a massive blood supply over the years. It was totally dead, but my body was still fighting to heal it, so it had essentially turned into a softball-sized tumor that was literally sucking the life out of me. The surgery took twice as long because of this. My red blood cells, platelets, and other labs were getting really screwy towards the end there as it worsened. I got my blood drawn again just 5 days after the surgery, and my labs were already back to normal for the first time in years! What a difference!

Also, apparently part of my thyroid was "twisted" and facing the wrong way?? My surgeon just mentioned it because it was bizarre and he'd never seen it before, but yeah...any way you slice it, that thing was totally FUBAR and had to go.

I'm really grateful I was able to get this surgery when I did. Initially the endo doc (who didn't even see me in person) scheduled me for late next year, until I brought my report to the ENT surgeon and he was like "Uh no, this thing is huge and it has to go now". He was able to bump me up in the schedule, and now here we are.

All in all, everything worked out much better than expected. Now I have a long road ahead of me as I get my medication dose figured out, but at least the bloody part is over.

Sorry for the novel, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me through this and tolerating all the delays. Your kind messages of support helped me get through this harrowing time. Thank you so much for everything. <3

Hopefully there will be no further complications and I'll feel better going forward with that monster out of my neck!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[dailyloopdeloop]

loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask

DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars

[alluralater]

yeah so anyways i’m falling in love with her

[sskk-manifesto]

Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´；ω；｀)

[c0tards--s0luti0n]

havig a really normal one 2night [tried going to bed immediately got sleep paralysis'ed

[hevendor]

I told my sister I love and care about her in order to calm her down so she didn't 1) actually attack me or 2) kick me out rendering me homeless, but if I'm actually being honest I hate her. I hate every one of my family members. I really hate them all, they are all such terrible people and I'm sick of the physical and mental abuse I've had to endure my entire life and I'm sick of having to suppress my own feelings and needs for my own safety. But I'm always dependent on one of them because we are poor and I'm working so hard to have a future where I can be independent but I still have a few more years I need to get through so that can be possible but I'm at the tail end of my limit I fear. It's just been so hard to take and I'm starting to lose my sanity waiting for things to get better.

[iftitah]

talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk

[acebytaemin]

my god i just woke up from THE most detailed gentle and heartbreaking dream about jinki im in my bed like 😮 what was THAT

[that-angry-noldo]

we have a saying in ukrainian, "горить сарай - гори і хата", which basically translates to "if the stalls are burning, let the house burn too", and if it doesn't describe my attitude towards school perfectly.