#I told my mom I could write an essay on why the purchase was a good decision

[purplecelestial-buddy]

Not to bring the mood down but when I was a child everything was easier.

[jojoturnip]

Oh Second Child

Tw: religious trauma, child abuse, guilt tripping to the max

I caught my mom's glances up at a woman in the religious texts isle in the Barnes and Noble over the book I was skimming to see if it was worth purchasing. I closed it, The Change; it seemed interesting, but it could wait. My mom didn't stare very often, and I'd always been taught it was rude.

"Whatcha looking at?" I leaned in and whispered.

Her deep brown eyes darted back at me. "There's a book over there she's looking at: Have a New Teenager by Friday. What's she gonna do? Buy a new one? Trade it up for a newer model?"

We both lowered our heads and stifled a snicker.

"God, I hate religious books. 'Hey, I've read the Bible and decided that I understand it better than the average person, and I'm gonna use that assumption to make money by selling my advice as if its God's Word.' It's like, if you have life advice, just say you have advice, don't claim it as something from God." I was rambling, sure, but religious stuff in general had made me uncomfortable since going to church in that messed up suburb where they wrapped up live chickens with Christmas wrapping paper while having disco balls and rainbow laser lights descend on the stage. I shivered--I could still hear them blasting The Chicken Dance over their speakers in my memories, and that was enough to creep me out all over again.

"I dunno," my mom shrugged, sipping her cold brew vanilla coffee as she continued staring shamelessly. "Some of them really helped me with your sister. She was a difficult child."

No, no. Not this again.

"She--she was just a kid." I could already feel something--either bile or tears, I couldn't tell--building up in the back of my throat. I choked them down with a swallow of my Dragon Drink.

"Yes, but she wasn't easy to raise! She had it rough, and now we kind of know why, but she was still hard to understand. Those books helped show me ways to deal with her. They were good things, too, like putting your her favorite teddy bear in time out when they were bad. Or explaining that you shouldn't spank your kids, you have to explain to them what was going on."

Then why did I remember being spanked so much more than I remember having issues explained to me? Why are the panicked images of me sliding underneath my bedframe to hide from my father when he came home so much stronger than any memories that might exist of you sitting next to me atop my mattress?

Why do I remember the bungie cord chains wrapped around the front of her door in reds and oranges and greens? Why can I still hear her screams from behind them? Why can I still feel the force shaking the second-story hardwood floors?

"Hmm-hum," was all I could force out with a nod without my emotions and thoughts leaking and spilling over. I'd gotten too used to being able to express more than just complacence and content-ness at University. Now, look at me, having ungrateful thoughts about how we could've been treated better.

She looks to me for proof that she did things right. She cannot look to my sister, and I seem so perfect don't I? Look at me, with my GPA only 0.09 points from a perfect 4.0. Look at how well I connect with others! Look at all the achievements I've met in writing, in singing, in school, in agriculture and in everything I set my mind to. Look at all the friends I've collected. Look at how well I turned out, surely that's all because of my mother, the one who was always there for me, the one who fed and clothed me, the one who I always wrote my 'Who's My Hero' essays on in school, right?

"You were always so laid-back and happy and never ever fussy, so completely unlike your sister. My little sunshine girl."

"You're my best friend. I'm your best friend, right? You're my favorite."

"Your father and I talked about it, and we decided that you can't have autism; you're too social."

"The doctors told me not to hold her too much; it would make her too dependent. Maybe I should've held her more. Maybe that would've fixed things? Do you think I held her enough?"

"It would've been different if it was you who said it happened, not your sister. I would've believed you."

"I always protected you, didn't I?"

I forced my gaze away from my mom and the woman in the religious texts section at the Barnes and Noble. I opened my book back, stiffly ending the conversation and pretending my interest could really be held by any novel at that point. It's all I could do to not to break down in the middle of the cafe in front of her. Because I know how that ends.

"You don't love me do you? You love your friends more than me. You don't even want to be here with me, do you?"

Am I crazy? Does she not remember it at all? Can she not recall the pain, the screams, the angel marble from the nurse, the little square room with the bubblegum pink walls and butterfly stickers in the basement of the jail?

In truth, I can't ever hold blame on her, can I? Because she was the one who fed me and clothed me, who quit her job when I was throwing up blood from yet another flu or tonsilitis or something to take care of me, who stole my dad's credit card to feed us when he wasn't.

I wonder still, though, does she really not remember the reason why we needed protection? Who brought the threat into our lives? Who let him stay?

How much do you remember?

You didn't break her arm, but I remember the bungie cords in your hands as you pulled them across the frame of her door, too. I remember the alarm you told dad to buy for the top of your bedroom door downstairs, to keep her from sneaking in at night to be held because she needed it of course she needed it. She was just a kid.

How long did you know, Mom?

Did you know when we met him and brought him pretzel bread from Trader Joes, and he drew us pictures of Oddie the dog from Garfield on post-it notes? Did you know when you were in high school? Did you know when she reached high school?

Or do you still not believe her?

I can never tell with you. I don't know what's real and what's a lie and what's a desperate attempt to hide the truth so we can have that perfect little lie you always imagined we would have. I can't blame you for wanting it. It was beautiful while it lasted. The closest we ever got to perfect, huh?

But, I can't ignore it anymore. I know we can never speak of it. I can't even write about it, and I write about everything. And, all of it made me who I am, for better for worse. I know we can never speak of it, yes, but it is always there, always in the front of my mind.

I always believed her. I will always believe her.

Why couldn't you?

In truth, you are the one who raised me, who gave me your all. But, don't take the credit for who I am. Half of it would be more blame than credit, anyway. I'm just as broken as she is, you know? I watched what you did to her in response to her vulnerability and learned from her experiences to hide it. At this point, I'm still struggling to figure who I am apart from those survival tactics that made me just such a blessed child.

So, do you really want to ask me if you got it all right?

No Christian parenting guide could even scratch the surface of our lives.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #8 (1979)

This cover doesn't help me remember what this issue is about.

Having only ever read the first half of Cerebus via the collected stories in the Cerebus phonebooks, this is the first time I'm seeing most of the early covers of Cerebus. I probably started reading the monthly issues during "Flight" but had purchased the "Melmoth" back issues. So I'll be getting a lot of new material in the covers and the Aardvark Comments section all the way up through "Jaka's Story." In Note from the Publisher, Deni explains that Cerebus is currently selling 4,000 copies a month. That's four thousand dollars a month! Of course, Dave probably has to sell at half the cover price, so maybe that's more like two thousand. And then there's the expense of paying for your own printing and shipping. I have no idea what that might cost but let's pretend it's another thousand dollars. That leaves Dave and Deni with one thousand dollars per month before taxes and art equipment! And I know I'm being way too optimistic so let's say it's more like $750. In Canadian dollars! That's probably about five hundred American dollars! But then again, this was 1979 dollars and cars were about six thousand dollars back then. You could buy a house for twenty grand. So by Issue #8, Dave was either really starting to make a lot of money or heading toward financial ruin. I'm not sure why I even began this paragraph when I have no idea what I'm talking about. Although, four thousand copies of an independent comic book by the eighth issue? That's good fucking marketing. No wonder Dave Sim became the God of Self-Publishing. In his Swords of Cerebus essay, Dave Sim continues to explain how he was growing as a writer and artist. It's the kind of thing a fan of Sim's work enjoys reading but not the kind of thing that I can make entertaining in a brief synopsis. So fuck off to the next paragraph already. We're done here. At the end of the last issue, Cerebus escaped his battle with a gigantic Black Sun spider god. But he did not escape as unscathed as I maybe led everybody to believe. He was actually bitten and poisoned by the thing and now he's wandering the desert (unless it's the tundra (which is probably a definitive desert but what am I? A reader of The Farmer's Almanac?!), hallucinating and probably dying. Some Conniptin soldiers find Cerebus and take them back to their Commander's quarters. The Commander isn't the main leader of the army; the main leader is some cocaine snorting prince who thinks he's a god. He wants Cerebus made into a bath robe which would mean Cerebus would get the last laugh. Because remember how badly Cerebus' fur smells when it gets wet? Ha ha! That joke was so funny Dave used it five or six times in the Bran Mak Mufin issue. The Captain and the Commander make plans to oust the young Lord and take over the army themselves. But they need Cerebus by morning for their plan and Cerebus isn't healthy enough. So they take him to the army's doctor for a few Star Trek jokes that seem cheesy and overly done (but maybe not so much in 1979? Or is that the whole point of the running joke here? Because it's a tired format that Sim subverts at the end?) but which ends with a pretty fantastic punchline.

To really appreciate this joke, I think you have to remember what the world was like in 1979. If you weren't born or cognizant of the world at that time, I can't explain it to you. It's like trying to explain Ringo's obsession with the hole in his pocket to somebody who has never seen The Yellow Submarine and who also doesn't know who The Beatles are and has also never heard music or seen animation. Yeah, the 70s were that fucking cool.

The Captain and the Commander take Cerebus out later and point him in the direction of a campfire. They tell them the men around the fire drugged him and they should pay. Feverish and sick, Cerebus runs up to the small camp and begins slaughtering the four men around it. He hallucinates that three of them are Elrod and one of them is Sophia. So what the reader learns this issue is that Cerebus is ready to kill all of the other characters of his comic book at a moment's notice. How The Roach and Weisshaupt and Elrod and Rick and Astoria and Cirin last as long as they do is a miracle. Or it's just part of the contrived story. I guess if it were real, it would seem like a miracle. But since this is all written by Dave Sim, it's just the way it was meant to be. I'm not sure what their eventual plan is for Cerebus as this just seemed to be a test. I guess he's their Manchurian Candidate? The four mercenaries Cerebus killed were Hsifan. The Commander and Captain are Conniptin. I have no idea what these things mean. I think Hsifans make really good ninja assassins though so killing four of them is pretty damned impressive.

Like I said. Killing twenty-five Hsifans is pretty damned impressive.

This story highlights one of Cerebus' bigger life problems: he's constantly being pulled into other people's stories. If he's not trying to steal some treasure to get more gold crowns so he can drink more ale, he's slaughtering other mercenaries to get more gold to drink more ale. And when he's not doing either of those things, it's usually because he's gotten caught up in somebody else's story. I suppose that's what you need to expect when you're some kind of prophetic Messiah. Your story has already been told and you're just time's puppet. But — and I think this is the most important part — something about being an aardvark allows Cerebus to tell destiny and fate to fuck off. So quite often, Cerebus just walks away from the story he got sucked in without a care to its resolution. It has something to do with aardvarks being soulless and less with aardvarks being hermaphrodites. Because I think maybe that's just Cerebus. The Commander and Captain want to make Cerebus their new leader because they can't stand the selfish, greedy fops who rule. The Conniptin motto is "Might makes right! Fight, fight, fight!" Which you really can't argue with unless you're a talented fighter. So Cerebus is offered the job which he can refuse if he doesn't mind having his guts spilled on the floor.

Seems like Cerebus' future is pretty cut and dry. If you forget that he's an aardvark.

Cerebus decides he'd rather escape than be a puppet of the Commander. But after knocking out the guard and trudging some way across the snow, he thinks twice. He decides having a warm place to sleep and free food are a better deal than running for his life from vengeful Conniptins. He also likes the idea of leading an army. If you're not into Cerebus as a mercenary captain, don't worry. It won't last more than one issue!

Damn, I'd forgotten about this line. It used to be one of my favorites to quote whenever being offered some payment or reward of some kind. "What's better than X? Mayhap two Xes!"

Fred Hembeck writes in to Aardvark Comment this month as well as, if not as famous as, David R. Wooten. Pretty sure I've seen David's name in quite a few letters pages of DC comics. The Singles Page is a strip by John Barclay called "Small Potatoes!" It's twelve panels of a couple of guys singing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on, I guess, a street corner. They sing, over and over again, "DooDuckGlackaLayda!" It's social commentary of some sort. I think. Maybe he's just making fun of the repetitive nature of the song, or any song you're forced to hear out in public by buskers and bucket drummers. Who can tell?! Humor was different in 1988 (the Singles Page is only from the Bi-Weekly! That's why the date is different from the comic). Cerebus #8 Rating: A. There's something happening here. What it is ain't a standard comic book. But it's not what a lot of people thought of as an underground comic book. For one, not once has Cerebus walked around with an erect penis. What was this nonsense not being published by DC or Marvel but also not being weird animal porn that is also personal confessional?! I wish I hadn't been so ashamed of purchasing adult material that my mom might raise an eyebrow at but then say nothing at all. One time she cleaned my bathroom where I had a playboy under the sink. Instead of saying anything, she just straightened it up and left it. I couldn't look at her for weeks. Although I was pretty relieved because at least a week before that, I had about twenty Playboys in there! I can't remember why I moved them but at least she didn't know the extent of my wanking! She probably thought, "Oh how cute. One magazine! And the centerfold is an African-American lady. My boy ain't no jerk off racist!" instead of thinking, "How many fucking porn mags does he need? Does he do anything but jerk off? Oh God! I'm not touching anything of his ever again! Plus isn't this copy of Penthouse the one with an underage Traci Lords?! I wonder how much that will be worth in thirty years?" Of course she thought that last thought not realizing that thirty years later, it would be considered child porn. No, I don't own it anymore, you pervs. I threw out all of those porn mags when I went to college because I didn't know where to hide them! Also I was underage when looking at the Traci Lords' Penthouse so it wasn't weird. She was older than me in those pictures!

[ogamagirl]

Gather round friends, grab a snack and get comfy, because I’m about to recount a tale. The tale of Bob, the Unfortunate Ear of Corn.

Most of you who know me know I have a younger brother; he’s three years younger than me. This story takes place years ago, when we were both still in school; I was a junior (3rd year) in high school, and he was in 8th grade (the last year of middle school). He had to write a poem for his creative writing class and brought it home and asked me to proofread it.

Usually Mom proofread our writing, as she was very good at writing and catching grammar stuff, but she was also...very passionate about certain things. She hated the word “it”; once, when proofing an essay I wrote where I used the word “it” once, she got down on the floor and rolled around in the fetal position screaming “IT” for a while. Kieran (my brother) didn’t feel like dealing with Mom and her proofing that particular day, so I agreed to proof his poem.

His poem was called “Bob, the Unfortunate Ear of Corn.” And...it was not good.

To be clear, Kieran is a great writer; I proofed a bunch of stuff for him over the years and I could tell when he was half-assing stuff. Bob was half-assed. It had no sense of structure (he insisted it was “free verse”) or meter, and while humorous (the story concerned an ear of corn named Bob who is separated from his family in the corn field, sent to a supermarket, purchased, cooked and eaten. ...so it was dark humor, but still) it just wasn’t very well constructed. You could tell he just wanted to be done with the assignment. I told him it needed improvement.

“Well I’m not changing it.”

“Then why did you ask me to proof it????”

We went back and forth and he stuck to his guns; I shrugged and said he could do what he wanted. He did end up showing it to Mom as well and she told him the same thing; his response to her was the same. He ended up turning in the poem as is.

His teacher loved it. So much so that she submitted it to our regional scholastic competition. Mom and I were floored. It ended up winning a gold key, the highest prize a piece could win.

Gold key pieces are automatically entered into the national level. Kieran didn’t hear anything for a while, so we thought that was the end of the saga of Bob; it was a fun story to tell to people (”my brother wrote about corn and won a prize”) but we were in for one more surprise.

It won a national silver medal. To be clear, that’s national as in “pieces from all over the US are submitted and only the best of the best win”. Silver and gold medalists are invited to a ceremony at Carnegie Hall in New York City. So of course, my whole family went.

The trip to New York was a whole other fountain of great stories that we still tell in our family (like Kieran convincing a fellow winner his name was John) but the whole thing was so wonderfully surreal. They have actors read excerpts from winning pieces at the ceremony and that year Paul Giamatti was there, which we thought was pretty neat. Sadly Bob was not among the read selections. But it should have been. All these other pieces were these big important sounding stories about huge sweeping ideals. And there was Kieran. Who won a medal for writing about corn. It was fantastic.

[crystalsdigitalportfolio-blog]

Digital Storytelling Photo Essay

Introduction: Home

I currently live 237 miles away from home. Financial barriers, responsibilities, and distance keep us from each other, except for a handful of days every month or so. It never feels like enough. They are an integral part of me, the other half of me. Without them, I feel lost, unhinged, alone. They are my greatest pain, but also my greatest support network. However, no matter where I go, I will carry my family with me.

A Galaxy

My sister created a painting for me before she left, asking what I wanted. I told her I wanted a galaxy, having always been fascinated by stars. They reminded me of family trips to Mexico, looking up at the vastness and feeling wonder, reminding me of the magic I wanted to capture within my writing. I could never capture those stars in Houston. As she was a daughter of science, she asked if I wanted accuracy, something she should not have expected from a fantasy writer. I told her no, I did not want accuracy. I wanted pink.

Her Name is Joanna

Joanna has been with me since I was a year old, likely stolen from a Target or a Walmart; the story changes every time my parents tell it. She has a mane, but I always insisted she was a girl lion. It was not out of some inherent altruism for the transgender community. I just thought boys were icky. My best companion was not going to be a boy. She has been through many tragedies, including an attempted drying by microwave, and a young girl insisting she needed a bottle and bows stitched on. She is worn and tired, but she has been alive for as long as I have. Somehow, she has survived.

Yoshi, My Everlasting Companion

Whenever I return home for visits, I play the Nintendo Switch with my sisters for hours on end. We are an aggressive bunch and it keeps us from wrestling. Usually it is Mario Odyssey or Super Smash Bros; I am not an incredibly complicated gamer. The two creatures remind me of those simple evenings, playing with my sisters. We had not had a video game inside the house since I was ten; buying the Switch was a special experience, used to rechristen our new home. I am always Yoshi on Super Smash Bros, have been since the Nintendo 64. I never played much then though; I did not have the company.

Monkey in the Middle

There is no special attachment to my monkey. I adore monkeys; they are my favorite animals. However, I was not compelled to include a nameless monkey on a four-hour trip to San Antonio, considering my new bedroom was the size of a large closet. I did not want it with me, not until my little sister, Itzel, placed it in my hands. It was a gift from her, one of many. However, she wanted this one to be the one I took, this to be what I remembered her by. And I do. She gives me the same eyes.

A Connection to the World

Discovering an HDMI adapter was one of the greatest achievements of my television viewing lifetime; suddenly, my sisters and I could connect my laptop to the television. We could watch anything and everything, annoying our father with Star Wars marathons and anime. Its job was eventually taken over by an xbox and a smart TV, but I keep it for those days we don’t have that, those days my sisters and I want to share a story together. Mostly, we criticized the stories, but we were artists; it was to be expected.

My First Convention

My first long distance trip was to Galveston, an hour and a half away. Somehow, my little sister, Chelsey, and my nephew, Ian, made it alive with me. The button is all that remains of my souvenirs, aside from memories of my sister spending most of the convention staring at knifes and katanas. She, thankfully, could not afford the katanas, but she left with a few knives. I preferred to commemorate the trip with a button, which I used to attach her tail every time it came off. For obvious reasons, I have not worn the button since then.

Jack, the Jackalope

Jack originates from the wild streets of the San Antonio Riverwalk, a gift to myself because it was my last day with my family. They would be returning to Houston and I would be alone in a strange city with no job and a slowly dwindling savings account; but at least I would have Jack. It was my final opportunity to feel like a tourist in San Antonio, before being forced to acknowledge that Houston would not be my home for a long time. Instead, I would probably grow to complain about tourists ruining the atmosphere and overcrowding the place. I was looking forward to it, but I was still scared to be left behind. The last time I had left, had not gone well for me. Would it go better this time?

Blue Rags

My dad (not father; that is the f-word of our household) works operating machinery. He frequently borrows tools from work to use at home, but also comes back with other “borrowed” items, such as hot chocolate and the rags. My mom placed an entire bag of them in my car while we packed. My father has never been a sentimental about things, always finding a reason to throw something away. He was the only person smiling while we threw things away after they were damaged by the hurricane, always a fan of decluttering. So, I do not have much to remind me of him. Except for the rags. The same type of rags he used to clean up oil spills, his hands, and the kitchen table. Sturdy, practical rags. Like my father.

A Worn Connection

The sticker is another purchase left from my first anime convention. It started to peel, so Chelsey demanded to tape it down. She checks the sticker every time I come home, making sure it is still there, though cracked and peeled. On weekends, I FaceTime my sisters. We watch television or shows on my laptop together, synchronizing everything so we can feel as if we’re together. It is much more intimate than talking about it afterwards. It makes me feel as if I am back with them.

A Book Unread

My sisters purchased the book for me as a going away present, since the library did not have it yet. I still have not read it, though I should have long ago. I knew I would not be able to put it down once I started. There is just never enough time between classes. However, as I look at the book I am enveloped in a warmth, because neither of my sisters are adults. They are young, one of them a child, but they still feel the need to comfort me, to send me a part of themselves with me. I take that as a sign that I did my part in raising them well.

Choco-Mil

I force my parents to buy me a can of Choco Milk every time I go to visit, bringing whatever is left back with me to San Antonio. It was a staple of my childhood, usually found only in Mexican grocery stores. No other brand is quite the same; not Hershey’s, not Nesquik, and certainly not Great Value. I am not sure why, considering I do not consider myself picky, except when it comes to chocolate milk. Is it nostalgia? Is it the formula? I don’t know. But it makes me think of my parents and drinking a bottle while rubbing my father’s ear, waiting for us both to fall asleep.

Rough Hands

I do not wash my dishes if I can help it; that is the job of a dishwasher. I grew up in a household where you were never allowed to use it, so going off to college, I decided to take full advantage of it. There was no need for me to buy pricey dish soap, except that is the soap we use at home. I remember scrubbing dishes and being impressed by the power behind it. I remember my mom telling me to go to bed and that she would take care of the mess, because she knew I did not like doing the dishes. I remember always seeing a clean sink. I miss her more than I ever expected to.

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

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I am trying to pass my test as soon as possible but didn't have access to a car to do extra practice between lessons. So I have bought a car before I have passed so that I can go out practising with my mum. However I cant find any short cover (1 month) insurance which will insure us both, they seem to only do learner driver insurance which has to be bought on top of the normal insurance OR only insure drivers with a full license. However buying both together is over 300 for only 28 days for the ones I checked. Can anyone come up with an affordable way to practice in my own car? Thanks""

Where can I get the cheapest car insurance on a permit In long island new york?

I just wasnt my car insured lol and im 19 and a male

Do you need insurance for a 50cc (49cc) scooter in California?

Do you need insurance for a 50cc (49cc) scooter in California?

How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old with full coverage?

ok well im going to get 24000 for my car and 3 years of insurance so in just wondering how much monthly car insurance would be because im thinking about 250 but i think that is a bit much please help i need to know how much the insurance would be so i can know how much i can spend on my car???????????????????????????????????????

How does turning 25 affect your car insurance premium?

I turn 25 at the end of the year and am planning on buying a brand new car this summer and am wondering how it will be affected. Thanks!

Individual Health Insurance w/ Maternity Coverage?

Hi I am in need of Individual Health Insurance with Maternity Coverage, but not with Anthem BCBS. Do you know of a company that provides what I am looking for? I know there is a ...show more""

What is the cheapest way to get insurance with a friends car?

I'm already practising my driving lessons and theory. Once I pass what's the best and cheap way to be insured.

I'm pregnant. How do I get health insurance?

I haven't had any health insurance in a year. My husband can add me to his health insurance in Dec. Baby is due on March. Will they cover me? I live in SC and I am worried they will have a long waiting period. What should I do. We make too much for Government help.

Sites of the insurance quotes reliable?

http://www.education-house.com/insurance/index.html

What is average cost for auto dealers insurance for a year in NYC?

What is average cost for auto dealers insurance for a year in NYC?

How much will my insurance go up approximately after I totaled my car?

I totaled my 2009 pontiac G6. I was the only party involved. I was going about 30 in a 25 zone and the road was snowy. I hit ice and slid up over a curb. I had previously been in an accident in 2009 in my moms vechile. We share insurance and i am 19 soon to be 20.

insurance auto quote toronto

insurance auto quote toronto

(uk only) who is the cheapest for car insurance?

im male, nearly thirty and full no claims bonus i live in manchester""

How much would car insurance cost a 16 year old guy?

I live in Connecticut and drive a 2004 volvo xc90 2.5t. I have a 3.5 gpa and will most likely have insurance with middlesex mutual. What can I expect my car insurance to cost per month/year?

What is the medical exam and questions for life insurance like?

We are looking into life insurance. I am wondering what the medical exam and questions are like? How much more typically is it if you have a medical issue (like high blood pressure) compared to if you have good health? We are in our late 20's.

How much is YOUR car insurance a month?

I know the make, model, and various other factors will affect my future car insurance search, but I'd really like to hear it from real people..if you would be so kind as to share with me? :O)""

Where to find a dental insurance/plan that provides full coverage(if not 100% something close)?

I am sick and tired of being robbed over and over by those dental offices...whatever my dental plan says it saves on me they always come up with something to make me pay as I am not insured at all! I am willing to pay more for and expensive dental plan/insurance that covers me 100% or very close from that(=> 80%) I just don't want to go through the price of each service I get from the dental office because its useless! ... and please don't post me links to those websites that collects my private information just to give me quotes! Only if you tried the insurance or know somebody tried it...I am looking for life experience not google search results! thank you very much :)

I am 59yo. Is it wise to carry a term life insurance for 100K? What are the advantage to this? I am divorced?

I am retired. My premium cost is $680 per year. It is a 20 year policy which I picked up when I was 59, now I am 74 yo. Give me your opinion.""

Go doctor's without insurance?

i haven't been feeling well and i think it's about time i have a check up at a clinic....im interested in a walk in clinic that's not to expensive because my insurance does not work here. anyone know any good clinics around buena park, california???""

Is buying health insurance across state lines just a strategy to lower quality?

Allowing states to issue insurance across state lines allows the originator to bypass the regulations of the state being sold to. Since the regulations insure quality; and states with the crappiest quality insurance due to lack of regulation can be the most affordable is this not another example of trading gold for candy as offered by the GOP?

Who has the cheapest insurance for a motorcycle?

I'm purchasing a sports bike soon but don't know where i can find the cheapest insurance for it. If you know please share. I live in NJ.

Health insurance options for a 20 year old student with no parental coverage?

I have recently had a medical issue and went to the ER. One visit racked me up over $2,000 of bills that I obviously can not pay. Now I am looking at options for health insurance, but ...show more""

Drivers Ed Questions On Insurance?

Fill In The Blank Words -assigned-risk insurance, blue book, bodily-injury insurance, car pooling, collision insurance, comprehensive insurance, deductible, depreciation, financial responsibility law, leasing, liability insurance, mass transportation, no-fault insurance policy, policy, premium, property-damage insurance, warranty- 1. Decrease of vehicle value due to its age. 2. Written guarantee that the seller will make repairs for a time period. 3. Lists the average price paid to dealers for various used vehicles. 4. Requires you to prove that you can pay for damages you may cause with your vehicle. 5. Specified amount you pat to an insurance company for insurance. 6. Set amount of money you personally pay for damages that is not paid by your insurance company. 7. Written agreement between you and your insurance company. 8. Type of insurance that is not concerned with who is to blame. 9. Provides minimum coverage for high-risk drivers. 10. Several methods of moving large numbers of passengers. 11. Several people commuting to work or school in one vehicle. 12. An alternate method of obtaining a vehicle other than by purchase. 13. Protects you against claims for another person's injuries or property damages when you are at fault. 14. A type of liability insurance that covers drivers who are at fault for injuries to other people up to specified limits. 15. A type of liability insurance that covers drivers who are at fault for damages to another person's property up to specified limits. 16. A type of insurance that provides coverage to pay the costs of repair or replacement of your vehicle up to specified limits. 17. Insurance that covers damage to your vehicle from non-collision events. One word per statement. I already have some answers but I just want to be 100% sure I'm right, thanks any answers are appreciated.""

Health insurance question?

so i just got health insurance for me and my family for the first time ever and i dont understand what the deductible is, will the insurance cover anything until we pay the deductible?""

Cheapest Car Insurance Companies For A 17 Year Old Boy?

i got given a quote for 1307 for a 1.1L Peugeot 206 2004. that is for when i get my full license , is that a reasonable price??""

So what are all the people who have been laid off doing for health insurance now?

Most can't afford Cobra coverage... And as insurance gets more expensive and more companies pass on the costs to the people or cut out insurance coverage altogether, what's the average Joe going to do?""

How can i get my neighbors car insurance info with his license plate?

my neighbor has digned my door about 30 times, i have paint from his door all over my car as proof he also stuck gum on my car and put ketchup on it, have no proof for the gum unless i get his dna, i have it in a baggy, crazy i know, but he will not give me his insurance, he tried to fight me, i called the cops, he came at me i told him 3 times to stay back, he was about 200 pounds thought he would take me out, hit him one punch to the head, stunned him walked off called police, they almost arrested me, but didnt made me shake his damn hand since we are quote neghbors, the first thing he said when i asked for his insurance was he iddnt do it and his car is nicer why would he, i drive a 2002 bmw 330ci a 45k dollar car he has a 2003 maybe lexus gs420 i think? it made no difference whos is nicer and that my inspection is out, i still hit him cuz he threatened to hit me and backed me up, how can i get his insurance info with his license plate, any inspector will do a pain analyst and see that the damage is on him, and if they ask for a swab of his cheek, it will match the gum that was stuck to my car paint, btw this guy didnt know me before this, he decides to park right in front of his house by my car which isvery close to the line on this side, rahter than park one spot over, i guess he thought since i was not driving the car and it was sitting for 2 weeks that he could damage it for inconveniencing him.... anyway how can i get his insurance besides demanding it or requesting it from cops?? can i call an insurance company and give them the licsense, i do not have insurance right now im broke which is why i need this fixed by him.""

Trying to find cheap car insurance?

I am looking for a decent cheap quote for car insurance, I'm 18, male and my car is a 2001 Ford Fiesta Flight 3 Door 1.3L. I'm being quoted around 3000 upwards, this is my first car as ive only just passed my test on friday 6th january 2012. please give me some help, thanks.""

I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ?

So my car was parked in-front of a SUV Lexus in a parking lot. Then, i left my friend's house and started to drive. I stepped on the gas pedal to drive forward but i forgot that the car was still in Reverse mode. So i hit the Lexus car which was behind my car and luckily no one was in that car. There is damage on that car's left side headlight and left-side of the bumper. I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ? i just got the license like a few months ago and this is my fist accident. The SUV Lexus car's parts and labor fee is really expensive so i might don't have enough cash to pay them thou. (estimate $3000-$5000)""

19 year old female just passed driving test. need cheap insurance quotes. is anyone else in the same situation?

i am a 19 year old female and have just passed my driving test. i know the insurance quotes i get are going to be expensive but does anyone know who is best to go with (cheapest) and is anyone else in the same situation? Thanks

""If I ride my friends motorcycle, do I need insurance?""

I have my license, and will be getting my own bike at some point, but for now, if I drive my friends motorcycle around, do I need insurance for it? Or does his cover me?""

What happens if you get in an accident and your insurance relapsed?!?

We got into a small fender bender and our insurance was expired. What will happen to us?! We renewed that same day RIGHT after the accident.

Should I get Term Life Insurance at a young age?

I am currently 30 years old and in excellent health but since I am getting ready to start a family, I want to be prepared for the future of my loved ones. After reading about different life insurance options, I am deciding to go with Term Life Insurance for 20 years. Is it true that Term Life Insurance premiums don't change throughout the life of the term? If so, shouldn't I sign-up now while my annual payment will be low and locked in at this rate? My employer offers a very small life insurance benefit that I am already a part of but I want more just in case. While I am asking, are there any circumstances where a payout won't be made if I were to die under a term life insurance plan? Is it guaranteed? What if I (God forbid) get Cancer or have a heart attack? Thanks in advance!""

Disadvantages of having free healthcare insurance?

like costco wholesales helping non employees on health insurance coverage

How much money can i get from a car accident?? it was not my fault?

i was in a car accident. the other driver crashed into me & did a hit and run. i was in the car with my g.f . my g.f ended up with back pains & neck pains. i ended up with two broken fingers & a cast in my left hand. in addition i had back pains too. it appears that the driver that hit me was d.u.i and did a hit and run and got caught. after that, the insurance from the driver salvaged my car. just paid me what is was worth 3k. ive been going to therapy for 2 months now with my g.f. i spend about 500-600 in medical bills. i was off work 3 months. im 21 years old and i live in the state of california. i have an attorney working on my case. so how much can i get from the insurance company and my g.f ????""

Cheapest life insurance in singapore?

which insurance company in singapore offers the cheapest life insurance?

Is it illegal in alabama to refuse to give insurance info?

a company van hit my parked car in a parking lot the driver left note with manager of business saying where he worked,what time he hit my car and location in parking lot,now business owner is refusing to tell me who his insurance carrier is ,the driver also wrote down his name""

insurance auto quote toronto

insurance auto quote toronto

Hey much will auto insurance cost me?

hey i will be 16 yrs old soon enough but i need an auto insurance i live in orlando, does anyone know how much it will cost me?whats the cheapest?""

""If you're driving someone elses car and you wreck it, does their insurance still cover the car?""

Im buying a new car and to make the insurance cheaper my mom is going to be on the insurance not me. But my name is on the title. I wont even be put down as a secondary driver. So my question is, if i wreck, will the insurance still cover the car?""

Do you have to have car insurance to get a driver's license?

In Arizona plus the car does have insurance but my name is not on the insurance so do i need to be on the insurance in order to get a driver's license?

Need new car insurance?

im with nationwide paying 3,400 per 6-months and im looking to pay less than that for 3 vehicles. what insurance companies can i look at for a cheaper rate?""

How much would a private insurance agent make in Connecticut?

As in selling every company's insurance and working from home.

Why is there such a big difference in premiums from reputable car insurance vs. cheap ??

Sorry for my use of generalizations, but its no big secret. reputable: American Family, State Farm, Farmers etc cheap : progressive, geico, etc. why are my quotes 3 times higher for the reputable, is it worth the drastic rate increase?""

In California how much are you paying for insurance on a 2012 Camaro?

Which have the best offers? v6 only. And to be more specific location : Sacramento

Are health insurance rates a state or federal matter of approval?

I read this story today: The Obama administration is asking Anthem Blue Cross to justify its plans to raise health insurance premiums... Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius sent a letter to the company's president on Monday calling the planned increases extraordinary and difficult to understand. She wrote that the company has an obligation to provided a detailed justification for the rate hikes to the public. I thought that health insurers were state regulated and regulated by the NAIC--not the Secretary of Health and Human Services. Anthem is in California if that makes a difference.

How much would car insurance cost?

I'm 16 and I just got my first car. Scion tc 2008. (I'm a girl) My dad has insurance and we are going tomorrow to get insurance, we want full converge but i just want an estimate on how much it would be. We also live in texas if that means anything lol""

""If healthy foods were more affordable, would health insurance be cheaper?""

It irritates me beyond words that people these days are almost forced to have a poor diet because junk food is more affordable. Then, the health risks associated with eating junk food cause more people in the hospital, more money being shucked at pharmaceutical companies for medicine to treat the diseases cause by poor diets, and health insurance and taxes we all have to pay for regardless of how healthy we try to be. I mean, if a packet of Ramen noodles is 50 cents and an apple is $1.50, the majority of the financially stressed nation is going to reach for the Ramen. I would love to eat mostly raw fruits and veggies all day long, but I simply can't afford that and it makes me feel like the government is forcing me to eat crappy foods in order to survive. Why are healthy foods so expensive? And wouldn't it factor out in the end to reduce the price of healthy foods knowing a lot of money would no longer have to be forked out for doctor's visits?""

""Car Insurance, should I go as a named driver?""

I am 25, just passed, I got a quote from the post office for a 2001 MITSUBISHI Colt 1.3 Equippe at 2500 for the year... I live in a posh area (my nan n grandads) and the car will be parked on the drive. If I go as a named driver on my Grandad's insurance, who has plus 10yrs no claims how much cheaper do you think it will be? Does my Grandad have to buy the car in his name? What's the best way I can do this? Or should I just drive his punto 1.2l as a named driver, as a guess how much do you think i will have to pay extra so my grandad is still paying the same he usually does?""

Car insurance HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP?

how much money would car insurance be on a alfa romeo giulietta turismo in white from brand new out of the show room this year on a woman driver at the age of 17 cost ???

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

Insurance on a 2005 premium mustang v6?

hello, my daughter is 17 years old and i am thinking about getting her a 2005 premium mustang v6. she is on the honor roll, hasn't had any problems or accidents as far as driving goes, and really doesn't drive much. we live in a rural area. how much would insurance cost? our insurance company offers some plan where if you're getting good grades, you get a discount. how much would it all be? i have her driving a 2012 volkswagen jetta now and it's very pricey.""

How much will my car insurance go down when i turn 21?

How much will my car insurance go down when i turn 21?

What's the best and cheapest car insurance in California for a bad driver?

What's the best and cheapest car insurance in California for a bad driver?

Why does my old insurance company want to see my new policy?

I recently switched car insurance companies (from country insurance to allstate) and when my husband called to cancel our old companies policy they refused until we fax them a copy of our new policy with allstate. I dont understand why thy need this information. We arent asking them to back date and pay us for any time we already paid for (we arranged our allstate policy to begin the day our country insurance ended) and in the years we have been with country insurance, we have ever once filed a claim. Never payed late (had automatic withdrawl). If anyone knows why country insurance would need our new policy info before they cancel our old policy i Would greatly appreciate any input. Thanks!""

Car insurance companies?

Are there any car insurance companies which don't appear on comparison websites that are cheap and competetive? In the UK. Thanks

Guess our car insurance?

Primary driver: 24, perfect driving record, female, some college completed but no degree The car: Something mediocre from the late 80s to late 90s The insurance: Minnesota, metro area, daily 10-20 mile commute each way, we want all the proper liability and personal injury coverage but don't care about collision Seriously, just guess. We'll take any ideas. We completely know it varies by each of those factors and many more, and we already know the national average. If you know the state average, that's one step up on us. I'd get a quote, but my roommate is the one seriously thinking about cars right now, and I don't want to do anything in someone else's name. She'll be getting quotes soon, but right now I'm a little concerned about the insurance companies possibly running credit checks, as I'm under the impression a slew of them at a time can lower your score, and we don't know what car we're getting yet. So once that's settled, we'll check into it for real. We just want to TRY to budget before we seriously car hunt.""

Health Insurance?!?!?

I am having to get my own health insurance for the first time. Can someone help me figure all of this out? What should I be looking for? I am young and healthy, so I would not like to pay that much, but I would like to feel confidant in my coverage. Also, I will need dental coverage-any info there?? Thanks so much!""

Cheap car insurance for young people?

i just turned 15. ive gotten a few quotes and all of them are around 300 dollars a month. who should i get my insurance with and what type of car will make it the cheapest.? Please help.

CA New Driver Insurance Question?

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had my license for a few months now and I wanna buy a car now(1996 Honda civic ex) and I've gotten quotes and there about $250+ per month and I was wondering if i put my dad as a Co-owner will the insurance way cheaper? P.s. I just want the cheapest insurance no coverage ect.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance for teens these days?

I'm 18 and just got my first car. I would like to drive it but sadly have no insurance on it yet. I then looked up quotes and found out it is real expensive, $500 and more. Is there any way a teen like myself can get cheap auto insurance?""

Can You Buy Health Insurance From College?

I was reading the tuition fee from a dental school and they charge you 450 dollars a year for health care. Does that mean they will insure me while I am there or what? Do College provide health insurance while you're there?

Totally outrageous car insurance quote?

I had some issues paying my car insurance and it was cancelled. I called by ins company today to renew it. They told me they couldn't renew my policy but they have a buddy company that can give me an insurance policy. So they get all my info and they quoted me 730 dollars a month! I understand I have bad driving history and I let my insurance get cancelled, but that doesn't seem right at all, I was paying 100 dollars a month before. That doesn't even seem like a real number to charge someone for car insurance, it's more than I pay for rent!""

insurance auto quote toronto

insurance auto quote toronto

How much would my little sister's car insurance be?

Can anybody give me an estimate of what insurance on a Chevy Cavalier would be for an 18 year old girl who lives in Colorado? My little sis is in a tight spot cuz my parents aren't helping her with paying for a car or insurance, but she's saved up enough to buy a car and just got a job, and is asking me to help her with insurance which I'm going to try to do, thus the question above. The problem is awhile back she got a ticket for I think it was either wreckless driving or careless driving. She's matured a lot now and all but I know the insurance companies look into things like that. Please help me with an estimate if you can. Thanks.""

How much does a 16 year old usually make per month?

If you are working a job 40 hours a week and making 8 dollars per hour how much would you earn in a month deducting taxes and car insurance?

How much iz insurance for a 19 year old?

car iz mitsubishi lancer evolution 2003

How can I lower my auto insurance?

I am 20 years old. I live in Florida which is by far the WORST states to have auto insurance. I've only been in 2 accidents, both not my fault. One was a small fender bender (which my friend decided to get a PIP claim even though he didnt get hurt so he could snag some money from the government). The other i totaled my car, but that was over 2 YEARS AGO. This is a no fault state which sucks because both of them werent my fault!!!!! Currently my auto insurance is 253 dollars! I'm a college student and i CANNOT afford that, but thats the cheapest one I found. Geico and all the popular ones wont even look at me. And it also adds on the my mom was in an accident (also not at fault) she got hit from behind at a red light and of course they penalized her for that too. Florida is a fraud state, they penalize you for everything when its no fault. Does anyone know how i can lower my auto insurance? It's been 2 years since I totaled my car and almost 2 and a half 3 years from the small fender bender. I also got a small speeding ticket from maybe september or december of last year, but thats it. no other tickets. thanks!""

I think this is how much $ i will need for everything to move out..can you review it & tell me anything wrong?

please tell me if im forgeting anything or if i am expecting to pay too much or too little for something CAR down payment - 5,000 insurance-300 gas-300 monthly payment-500 maintenance-100 HOUSING security deposit- 2400 rent-800 electric-150 furniture-2000 OTHER THINGS food- 300 linens-150 kitchen appliences-350 cleaning supplies-30 shampoo, soap, toothpaste (things like that)-70 tv-300 computer-600 cable- 100 phone- 75 cell phone- 160 internet- 100""

How do I get a license to sell insurance in california? Can someone please tell me step by step?

If you know of classes offered or helpful websites, please provide.""

Car insurance in new york state?

i know there are 3 types of car insurance; Liability,Compensation and another,and the combination of this three makes auto insurance very expensive,but i also heard you can chose the one that best suit your needs than to take all three so that your monthly auto insurance expenses could be slashed almost 75%.My question is,as a resident of NY state,am i allowed to just take the insurance i prefer,eg if i want just liability insurance,i just pick that one and ignore the others to lessen my monthly auto insurace.Is that allowed?From the online quote of GEICO which claims to be the cheapest in the NY state,am to pay $550,which is wayyyyyyyyyyy to expensive for a student like me and so heard about choosing one option of auto insurance.Can i just choose the form of insurance i want or is IT COMPULSORY TO TAKE FULL AUTO INSURANCE in NY or America as a whole?""

""Someone hit my car, but does not have car insurance.?""

I went outside to get in my car, and found that someone hit my drivers side door. A lady came out and told me she saw it happen, but couldn't get any info on the vehicle other than that it belonged to a neighbor's friend. Well I got the girls name and phone # from the neighbor, but they didn't think she has car insurance. Should I even bother calling the girl or should I call the cops and file a hit and run police report? I should note that this girl hit my car about a month ago. I wanted to wait till I had her information. Is it too late to call the cops?""

If i'm 17 and in the military can i get a discount on car insurance?

My mom has PGC insurance and with me added to it its another $1000 ever 6 months. I'm in the U.S. army. is there a way i can get a discount on car insurance?

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

How much is the average cost of auto insurance for a new driver?

heres some other info, im 20, i just got a learners permit. i live in new york state.""

Health insurance for diabetics in Ohio?

I guess Ohio is one of 4 states which is not required for it's insurance companies to cover diabetes. I am a type 1 diabetic, and as of now I no longer have insurance. Does anyone know of any insurance companies who do cover diabetics in Ohio....I'm feeling kind of scared about not having insurance right now.""

Need help with car insurance?

Hi. Im getting my first car insurance in Ireland, but I was disqualified of driving for 1 year in Poland. Can anybody tell me how much will this inflate my premium?""

What will insurance premiums be?

I had heard that with the new Obama healthcare system if you have to purchase health insurance on your own your premiums will be based on your income. Is this true? thanks

Which life insurance is the best one to get and the most affordable and reasonable? Is it the whole life

insurance? or premium life insurance? or term life insurance?

How much does auto insurance cost for a 25 year old?

I had mi license for a year now, im driving a 1991 lexus""

What is the cheapest car insurer for a 23yr old guy?

Obviously in the UK, so please no irritating as hell Try Patriot Insurance based in Washington ... So far, Zurich appears to be the cheapest. But i'm guessing we can go lower. Im trying to insure a 1997 Fiesta, 1.2, 3 door with immobiliser. Only doing 1000 miles or less each year. I have been out of driving now for 5 years. Can anyone recommend a cheap-as-chips car insurer? - It's ridiculous how just third party costs more than the car itself. My best qoute is around 580 - for third party ONLY. - A p*ss take. Thanks for your help.""

Why is a 1600cc engine Less expensive in insurance than a 1300cc or 1500cc?

Why is a 1600cc engine Less expensive in insurance than a 1300cc or 1500cc? As my beetle was quoted 1100 insurance for 17 year old driver as first car, but when i asked for a quote for a smaller engine it said, 1700 for a 1300cc engine!? Thanks""

Lowest insurance rates?

Lowest insurance rates?

What's the best auto insurance you can get for a female under 25?

I had Liberty Mutual. I got a low premium because of my parents but when the taxes went up they totally jacked up my premium. Plus their customer service is TERRIBLE and they're grimy. So then I went to Progressive - One lady helped me get my policy, then I called them for another reason and another rep. said I didn't even get the best quote I could've gotten. I'm kind done with these brand name insurance companies. I was looking into one called Elephant insurance but I'm not sure if it's actually any good. Does anyone know anything about them? Is there any other company I can try? I'm 20, I turn 21 next month. I've never had an accident. And I don't know what my credit score is or if I even have one yet (I'm working on it.)""

Insurince on a Corvette?

I want to buy a 1974-1983 corvette I am 19 and have a perfect driving record Havent even be pulled over how much whould insurance cost on one I also live in Indiana

Whats the insurance for a first driver teen?

Im gonna be driving in a couple mths and i need to know a ins rate. I will be getting a 1998 Ford Mustang V6. I live in Houston, Texas. If u know leave an answer. Thx""

I need help car insurance?

Im looking to buy a 2010 fusion se right now through Lee auto. For me to do it myself I'd have to pay almost 400 dollars a month for insurance and 360 for The car. Is there any way I can lower my insurance? This is rediculius all I have is 2 speeding tickets and that's it on my driving record. I have no loans no payments or nothing.

How much Is car insurance for a 21 year old in the uk?

I cant drive yet but have a provisional. my friend has been driving for 3 years. We are both 21. He will teach me and said I would have to get insurance on his car for 6 months. Does anybody no how much this will cost a month. He drives a vauxhall corsa. Full Stars 4 best answer

Does anyone have suggestions for affordable health insurance for student (29)?

I am a 29 year old substitute teacher and part time student. I am looking for some type of affordable health isurance and prescription plan. I am in need of some help...I have no idea where to look. Can anyone please point me in the right direction? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks so much!

insurance auto quote toronto

insurance auto quote toronto

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/usa-1-day-insurance-quotes-john-ford/"

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How To Write A College Essay Step However, pondering alone wasn’t enough; I needed extra perspectives. Prior to attending Mountain School, my paradigm was considerably limited; opinions, prejudices, and ideas shaped by the testosterone-wealthy setting of Landon School. I was six once I first refused/rejected woman’s clothes, eight after I only wore boy’s clothes, and fifteen after I realized why. When gifted attire I was informed to “smile and say thank you” whereas Spiderman shirts took no prompting from me, I’d throw my arms around the giver and thank them. My complete life has been others invading my gender with their questions, tears signed by my body, and a warfare towards my closet. Fifteen years and I finally realized why, this was a lady’s body, and I am a boy. Finally, after an extra seventy-two hours, the time comes to strive it. I crack the seal on the bottle, leaning over to smell what I assume will be a tangy, fruity, delicious pomegranate resolution. The insufferable stench fills my nostrils and crushes my confidence. I'm momentarily stunned, unable to grasp how I went incorrect after I adopted the recipe perfectly. The most essential factor in my transition was my mom’s help. She scheduled me an appointment with a gender therapist, let me donate my female clothes, and helped build a masculine wardrobe. See, I actually have been blessed to be part of what my mother calls the “melting pot of Europe.” While I was born in England, my brothers have been born in Denmark and New York. I even have a Swedish sister-in-legislation, Italian Aunts, an English Uncle, Romanian cousins and an Italo-Danish immigrant father. Every yr, that same family gathers together in New York City to celebrate Christmas. While this excellent kaleidoscope of cultures has brought on me to be the ‘peacekeeper’ during meal arbitrations, it has basically impacted my life. I investigated more about City Impact and eventually signed as much as volunteer. At vacation outreach occasions, I prepared and delivered food to homeless individuals. While sharing my espresso, I listened to a narrative from an older Chinese man who told me, in Mandarin, how he had been deserted by his kids and felt lonely. On August thirtieth, 2018 my mother handed away unexpectedly. My favourite person, the one who helped me become the man I am at present, ripped away from me, leaving a large hole in my coronary heart and in my life. Our family’s ethnic diversity has meant that virtually every person adheres to a different place on the political spectrum. This has naturally triggered many discussions, starting from the merits of European single-payer healthcare to these of America’s gun legal guidelines, that have usually animated our meals. These actual conversations drove me to study extra about what my parents, grandparents, and other relations have been debating with a polite and thoughtful passion. This ongoing discourse on present occasions not solely initiated my pursuits in politics and historical past, but in addition ready me significantly for my time as a state-champion debater for Regis’s Public Forum staff. In my spot next to the window, I also witnessed completely different varieties of individuals. I considered visitors dragging their luggage, girls carrying purchasing baggage, and other people wandering in tattered garments --the diversity of San Francisco. Two years ago I saw volunteers sporting City Impact shirts offering sandwiches and scorching chocolate to homeless people outside of the cafe. Most importantly, my household has taught me an integral life lesson. As our Christmas Dinner squabbles counsel, seemingly insurmountable impasses could be resolved via respect and dialogue, even producing delicious results! This vocation could come within the form of political management that really respects all views and philosophies, or perhaps as diplomacy facilitating unity between the varied nations of the world. With her assist, I went on hormones five months after coming out and obtained surgical procedure a 12 months later. I lastly discovered myself, and my mom fought for me, her love was infinite. Even although I had associates, writing, and remedy, my strongest help was my mother.

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So I have “A Year in the Life” on the brain again, and because I am in Hermione mode, here’s another really long essay on the revival revolving around the little-discussed fourth main storyline.

READ PART 1: How Luke and Lorelai have a far healthier relationship in AYTIL than in the original series

And, yes, there were four main storylines in AYITL. I love how each of them addresses something different:

Lorelai's storyline has to deal with everything in her life changing, and she is finding that she is stuck in time. Her father has died. Her best friend has left the business they started together. Her longest-serving employee wants to leave. Her daughter is drifting. Her mother is throwing every mistake she ever made in her face. Everything is happening so fast, and she can't quite keep up, and it's terrifying her. By the end of the revival, Lorelai has learned how to move forward with her life.

Emily's storyline deals with the changes in her life after Richard's death, of how to start living alone - truly living alone - after 50 years of marriage. She has to deal with her relationship with Lorelai in a way she could avoid before, because she had Richard to fall back on in regarding her opinions about her daughter. Emily learns throughout the year to become independent and learn to live for herself.

Rory's storyline deals with drifting and the displacement a lot of Millennials have in the world. Life wasn't what was promised her in high school, and through a combination of her own choices and the changing industry, her chosen career has left her behind. Rory has to find her identity all over again, and you see her stumbling through life as she comes to terms with it. This is the one storyline that's left open when everything is said and done.

But there’s that fourth, because there were four people listed in the opening credits after all, and this storyline is so subtle and so entangled with Lorelai and Emily's that you don't realize it for what it is until the very end of the revival, and that's Luke's storyline. His storyline deals with the opposite of what everyone else does, and that's the fear of getting left behind.

It's such an interesting storyline, because it picks up a subtle thread that's woven throughout the original series and tugs on it. You don't even really realize it at first, because unlike the storylines for the the three girls, Luke's doesn't start until "Spring" when Emily informs him about the trust set up in his name.

There has been some criticism of the discussion he and Lorelai have over Michel in "Spring," and about how he snaps at her for not letting Michel push her around. It's the type of behavior he displayed during season 6 that made fans bristle, and it has the same root cause. Why do things have to change? Why can't you be happy with what you have?

LUKE: How have you peaked? The place has been booked solid since you opened.

LORELAI: But it's so small. Just ten rooms and no suites, no mini-fridge and no room to grow.

LUKE: You don't need to grow.

LORELAI: Tell him.

LUKE: Why does everything need to grow? If something's good, keep it the same.

LORELAI: Yeah, but I kinda get what he's saying

LUKE: No, you don't need more. [Snapping]

LORELAI: Okay.

This sort of behavior is actually pretty unusual for a guy who constantly encouraged Lorelai from the very beginning of the series to grow. Luke was one of her very first supporters regarding the Dragonfly and repeatedly told her she is capable of branching out from the Independence Inn and running her own business. He even put $30K of his own money behind that belief before they were a couple. And he has been super proud of her achievements, go insofar as to order back issues of the magazine the Dragonfly was featured in so he could get familiar with the publication. As we saw in "Winter" with Rory's "New Yorker" article, this is an aspect of his personality that hasn't changed over the past nine years.

So why is he balking now?

Part of it is the tendency for Michel to push Lorelai around, and the fact that everyone around Lorelai is forcing her to question her own decisions and this is the breaking point for Luke. He's seen what Emily's constant second-guessing of her choices have done to her, and Michel piling on top of that isn't helping. As he pointed out, Michel has been guilt tripping Lorelai over one thing or another for 20 years. His next sentence was to immediately apologize for snapping, but he's feeling pretty protective at this point. I don't think he meant it in a mean way. Previous times Luke has made similar statements, he's walked them back pretty quickly - such as his protests over the Durham Group wanting to purchase the Dragonfly back in season 5. Back then, his response was largely the same as this: an initial snap judgment, some time to process things, then revisits it from a more rational standpoint. Really, this has been a character trait going all the way back to the beginning of the series.

But here in "Spring," this conversation serves another purpose - especially given its placement in the episode. In Broadway, you tend to have a piece of music where the major players state their desires. In "Hamilton," Alexander Hamilton does this during "My Shot." He doesn't want to throw his away his shot to change the world. Most people's "I want" songs are toward the beginning of the show. However, Aaron Burr's desires are cloaked until well into the second act of the musical. That's when we finally find out that Burr wants to be in the room where it happens. He wants to be part of these history-making decisions rather than remaining on the sidelines.

In "A Year in the Life," this discussion about Michel in the second act of this revival is really Luke's "I want" statement. He wants everything to stay the same, because life for him is good. This is established in "Winter" and why this storyline didn't start there. He and Lorelai are stable and happy, which shows in their relentless bantering and bedtime rollicking. He's the super proud dad, the one rescuing everyone when Kirk's car breaks down, the one providing support for Lorelai at Richard's funeral and when she realizes she's going to therapy with her mother. He's devoted to both Rory and April, as seen by the menu placement of Rory's article and taking several hours (and three dictionaries) to decipher April's letters. This has always been him at his best, and it's about to change.  

"If something's good, keep it the same." And this is where we pick up his journey, because the next major scene that Luke has is the one where Emily calls his cell phone and specifically invites him to dinner to tell him about the trust Richard left him, and then we're off to the races.

One thing that the original series subtly points out is that everyone Luke has ever loved or cared for deeply has left him - be it through circumstances out of his control, their own need to grow, or his mistakes involving those people: His mom died when he was young. His dad died of cancer when he was in his 20s. Liz bailed on him, presumably when he was dealing with his sick dad. Rachel came back and left again and again. Anna left and didn't think he was worth telling about his own kid. Nicole bailed when she realized he wasn't all into their relationship. Lorelai left him because of their mistakes regarding April and Christopher. Jess chose his birth father and California over a stable life in Stars Hollow. Rory and April left home and made their own lives in the world.

You have someone who, at the age of roughly 50, is convinced that he will always be left behind, that he isn't worthy enough to stay for. Luke has severe abandonment issues. Yeah, Lorelai and Emily weren't the only ones who needed therapy. It can be argued that out of the four members of the main cast, Luke is the one who needs therapy the most but never gets it - even though part of him recognized that need all the way back in season 4 with the self-help book.

Now you have Richard reviving Luke's insecurities from beyond the grave thanks to the trust. No matter that it's established Luke has a decent amount of money on his own - enough to offer Lorelai a $15K loan out of pocket for termite repairs, to immediately write out a $30K check for the Dragonfly, to drop $100K on a building without any sort of financial issues. He was able to afford renovations to the diner and apartment twice without any sort of financial issue, and helped pay for renovations on the Crap Shack twice (season 6 and at some point between "Bon Voyage" and "Winter".) That really nice stove now in their kitchen isn't cheap by a long shot, and I doubt Lorelai was the one to pick it out or spend the money on it. He's floating the bill for April's education at MIT, and while I'm sure she had scholarships, it's not exactly cheap.

But despite all of that, Richard is claiming through that trust that Luke still isn't doing enough to provide for Lorelai. Don't get me wrong, I think by the time of Richard's death, there is a certain amount of trust and affection between Luke and the Gilmores. Richard included him on the actuary table to begin with, and Emily called Luke a member of the family. Emily is affectionate toward him at the funeral, and while there is some awkwardness, there isn't a ton. His first instinct at Friday Night Dinner is to hug Emily, which speaks to a lot about his character growth there - that the guy who could barely hug Rory in the early seasons of the original series has shed enough of his armor to more easily show physical affection. Yes, Emily tells the therapist that he doesn't often go to FND, but this is also Emily - who has an established pattern of telling people they're not doing enough when they've done all they can. Luke could have gone to every single FND for years and Emily would still claim that he barely shows. I don't think he went as often as Lorelai, but I would wager he went probably once a month - just enough to be familiar with the house since he was wandering about doing stress home repairs at the funeral, but not with Richard's inner sanctuary (as he mentioned to Emily he's only been in there one other time).

Now Luke gets dragged into this real estate scheme and really doesn't protest it. Part of it is knowing that Lorelai and Emily are having issues, and he doesn't want to make things worse. But, deep down, part of him thinks that Richard is right - he isn't doing enough for Lorelai. And that seems to be confirmed in his mind when Lorelai starts pulling away from him. She's lying about therapy, and while they aren't the huge lies she expressed back in season 5, it's still lying. And that just adds to his unvoiced fear that Lorelai will leave eventually him behind. His response? To clam up about the trust. Piling onto all of this is Lorelai’s new belief (no thanks to Emily) that Luke isn’t satisfied with his life, though he made it very clear in “Winter” that he was.

In "A Year In the Life," Lorelai never considered leaving him. It wasn't an option on the table from her perspective. That was all coming from him. Yes, she second-guesses how she treated him, and that her own selfishness led to him having a life he didn't want - hence the surrogacy subplot and their fight in the diner in "Summer" - but she never thought of leaving him. Even at the very beginning of "Fall," when she's babbling to his voicemail, her thoughts are of getting herself straightened out and coming back home. Contrast how Lorelai treats Luke at the beginning of "Fall" versus "Partings." She was going out of her way to avoid him in that episode until their ultimate confrontation that ended the engagement. When she's on the hiking trip in "Fall," she leaves rambling voicemail messages and defends him to the strangers she's hiking with. It's not the actions of someone planning to bail.

As I wrote a couple months ago, "The Wild trip was never about Lorelai figuring out if she was going to end the relationship. It’s Lorelai finding herself so she can deal with all the emotional crap thrown at her in the past year. She goes when she does because she realizes that she’s fighting with her daughter and that if things keep going the way they are, she could very well permanently damage her relationship with Luke."

But Luke doesn't see that, because there is no precedence in his life for this sort of thing. When he sees people growing emotionally, he knows they will walk away from him.

LUKE: You know, there's been some, uh ... Between us, it's been

JESS: Communication problems?

LUKE: Exactly.

JESS: Never experienced that myself. Maybe she wanted a vacation.

LUKE: Yeah, from me. From us.

JESS: No. No.

LUKE: Uh, she's been keeping things from me.

JESS: Guy things?

LUKE: No. Other things. Like, she's been she's been going to a therapist. Do not say, 'It's about time.'

JESS: I did not say it. I thought it, but that's the way my mind works.

LUKE: Ah, we've been arguing, like sniping. And, we never sniped, you know. We never picked at each other in public and put each other down and made other people look at us like, "Oops, what's going on?"

JESS: I don't like you using the word "oops."

LUKE: I don't like me using it either. I never used the word before. Now I'm a guy who snipes at his girl and uses the word "oops."

JESS: Well, when does she get back?

LUKE: Three weeks. It's the longest we've been apart since we got together.

JESS: You might be wrong.

LUKE: You think I'm wrong?

JESS: Hey, I'm just hearing headlines.

LUKE: Lorelai Gilmore decides to hike the Pacific Crest Trail to figure some things out. What's that sound like?

JESS: It sounds like she's leaving you.

LUKE: Yeah.

Way back in season 4, we are treated to two significant excerpts (and some smaller ones) from the self-help book that Luke purchases. The second excerpt is the one that everyone latches onto, because that's when Luke realizes his feelings for Lorelai.

But the first one is the one that comes into the play in the revival. It's the lesson that Luke never learned, and the single thing that causes him to screw up all his significant relationships:

MAN ON CASSETTE: It's going to take work. It's going to take introspection. You're gonna have to learn new things -- how to be your own best friend, how to treat your damaged psyche with a little kindness, how to say, "hey, pal, you're worth it. You mean something to someone, and you deserve love." That is the key. If you crave love, then you deserve love. Say that to yourself. If I crave love, I deserve love. [Luke sighs deeply.] Now, how did that feel coming out? I'll bet it was hard. I'll bet you felt ridiculous. Some of you may even have been incapable of saying it at all. Try again.

LUKE: I'm not incapable. I just haven't been hit in the head with the Oprah stick lately.

And that's the lesson Luke never learned. He honestly doesn't believe he is worth fighting for, and his own sense of self worth is utter crap. It's why he doesn't react to Lorelai's pleadings in "Partings" until it's far too late. It's why he lashes out at her in season 6 and becomes overly controlling. It's why he just goes along with the cruise, gets married, then never really tries to make the marriage work with Nicole. It's why he dealt with April so badly at first and couldn't figure out how to integrate his relationship with his daughter with his relationship with his fiancee and her daughter.

His talk with Jess is the first time that he openly admits that he is terrified of Lorelai leaving him again, and shows us how he really feels about himself - he's tired and lost and doing things he knows is out of character. He feels like he is the root of Lorelai's issues and that he's the one holding her back. But because of this, because he's finally acknowledging his own fears, he's able to address them. This culminates in the reiteration of his initial "I want" statement when Lorelai returns home in "Fall." This is the culmination of his entire story arc, because he's finally taking a stand for himself.

LUKE: I am not unhappy, okay? I am not unsatisfied. You think I'm unhappy and unsatisfied, and I can't convince you that I am not! I mean this right here is all I will ever need. I never thought that it would happen. That you and me that we would happen. But we did. Listen, I know I am not the easiest guy in the world to build a life with and to share a house with, but there is no one who will be more here for you than me. I will never leave. I will never think about leaving. I will do whatever it takes to fix what's wrong."

The speech in "Fall" is beautiful, necessary, but also in a way pointless. Lorelai has already decided they should get married. She never thought of leaving him, which is why she just kind of gives him this baffled look throughout all of it. He wasn't going to change her mind about anything, because it was made up all along.

But what the speech does is put the cap on Luke's storyline and what he learned through his talk with Jess. He finally acknowledges that he as a person is worth fighting for and so is their relationship, then actually does so - which is far different from his actions post-"Wedding Bell Blues" and post-"Partings." Yes, Luke also made a big damn speech at the end of "The Long Morrow," but it was also different. He doesn't put forth the effort to say he will fix whatever is wrong with them, just that he moved too slow. It's capped with him walking away again when Lorelai reveals she slept with Christopher. They never really talk about it in the aftermath, as he just makes barbs at her when they run into each other in the next episode. Luke never went to the effort to really find out what was wrong and to see if there was a chance they could move past this. They eventually do, as they apologize to each other in "Hay Bale Maze," and Luke in "Summer" finds the idea of Lorelai cheating on him preposterous, so clearly everything regarding that was resolved off-screen after "Bon Voyage."

In "Fall," Luke finally fights for his relationship because he's finally fighting for himself. He's not going to be left behind again, and he will do whatever it takes to avoid making that same mistakes again and again. This is when he starts to recognize his own self worth, and for the first time in his life, he is truly all in.

And that's a beautiful storyline - to discover that you are a person worth fighting for. That change doesn't mean you have to be left behind.

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G-E-N-E-S-I-S

When I was younger, the first thing that my mom taught me was the meaning of my name and she taught me how to write it. G-E-N-E-S-I-S GENESIS. She said that my name symbolizes the beginning and new hope for everything, it made a little sense because I was the first child in our family and I only understood the first thing that she said about my name. Since that day, I got fascinated by the art of writing. I always write and scribble my whole name on every paper that I see around our house. T

hat was my first memory in the field of writing because, later on, I learned how to read and write the alphabet. Little by little I started to learn how to read actual words such as “apple, cat, ball, etc.” I grew up not realizing that writing has always been my fortress, solitude, and refuge. I have always been in love with writing even if my left hand hurt because of nonstop scribbling. I did not know that this hobby of mine will be considered as both a gift and a curse. It went from a hobby to addiction, from the basic words that my momma taught me to my actual discoveries by reading books. I learned and still am learning.

Later on, when I was in elementary my teachers always complained about how talkative I am, that in class I was always raising questions and how I consume almost the entire time asking my teachers questions about the discussion, and how it goes to the extent that the quietest kid in the class was assigned to sit beside me hoping that I would shut up but, only to find out that the quiet kid already became so chatty since he became my seatmate. Another thing that my teachers are complaining is about my penmanship not because it is ugly but, because it was always left side slant. 

They also noticed that I did not know how to properly write a paragraph. I did not know how to indent, and they always say that they are running out of breath whenever they read my works especially my essays since I lacked out of punctuation marks and I still am loquacious on my written pieces. I did not have original penmanship since the day that my grade three teachers told me that my penmanship looked ugly until I went in sixth grade.

I always envy my classmates who have had gorgeous penmanship, who are so great in solving math equations and I cannot deny the fact that I compared myself to them and started questioning my abilities. The worst part of it was when reality slapped my face and I realized, I am an outcast and I did not have real friends. Dramatic as it may seem but it was my reality, I experienced being bullied because I am not good at math, nevertheless, none of those comments stopped me from writing and doing what I love. T

hat is one of my reasons why I fell in love with writing even more because maybe people are not always by my side but writing always has been a part of my life and it is like what composes my being. And I guess one factor that affected me as a kid, who aspired me to continue writing and be good whatever happens is Taylor Swift. I adore her so much because I can relate to her music and her story. My elementary, high school, and even now in my college life have been filled with Taylor’s words, stories, and teachings. She is so pure and genuine and she always pours her heart on every song that she writes. She creates music so well as if music is already her plus, she also has the good character that I will forever and always look up to. Her story continues to teach me lessons and she is one of the reasons why I am not giving up on writing.

When I was in sixth grade my teacher was the one who noticed that I have a potential in writing. She once talked to me personally saying that my way of writing is already good it is just that, I have to further practice and enhance it. She also said that the only problems with my articles were, it lacked punctuation marks and some grammatical errors were needed to be fixed which I can still improve. I am glad though that she liked and encouraged me to continue writing. Since then I started to write more in my free time or should I say, I was and still make time for writing. 

 From those experiences, I gained new learning that I will be forever thankful for. My writing journey, of course, did not end there. From falling in love with writing on a sheet of paper, learning and improving my penmanship from pencil to a pen, figuring out how to use margins, indentions, and punctuation marks up to being able to make my work faster by the use of MS Word in computers. 

From writing about how my day went by on my diary, writing essays about how my summer vacation went, my favorite pet, and what was my most embarrassing moment to being able to purchase more books and read articles about Philosophy, and fiction novels, being required by my high school teachers to write something about the book we read and write something about the current issues in the Philippines, being able to write short stories, articles and the like- whatever captures my interest, being able to join writing contests, becoming a member of the school paper team, and the best part of it is from keeping my writings to myself to having real friends that are already like siblings who are one of my inspirations in writing, are always willing to read my drafts, appreciate my works- who are putting up their suggestions on how can I improve my written pieces since, they know that I love learning and hearing their thoughts about my writings.

Being addicted to writing is a tough passion and responsibility. Sometimes I want to write something but, I cannot because no inspiration or motivation is coming in my mind. It is also hard because as my perspective in writing became more open, I realized that I have not just to write for myself but also for other people. I need to use this passion of mine in the right manner where everyone will benefit and gain something good after reading my piece. 

I would like to say that this occurred to me long ago but since the news came about the CORONA Virus, I did not write anything, maybe because the Philippines was not yet really affected that time. It all sank into my system that something is wrong when the nationwide cancellation of classes happened, the work from home occurred worldwide, and a lot of people are finally raising their cries to the government because of lack of financial assistance, food, and shelter.

It broke my heart into pieces knowing that a lot of my co-Filipinos are starving, that the government officials are not even coming up with a single decision on how we could help the citizens of this nation, that some of the citizens who are fortunate enough are becoming hoarders of goods, and mostly those people who are using the social media platform and their freedom of speech in the wrong manner just to get temporary fame and attention but, are not dedicated into writing nor are concern about the real issue.

On the other note, I admire those people who are using social media as a medium to enlighten and raise their concerns or use it in the right manner, just like the Filipino author in the pen name of Bob Ong. His articles added a lot of fuel into the fire in me wanting to finally produce a certain piece that I can share with the people around me. Finally, it is time to listen to my mind, pour my heart into my writing and to finally make an output that, I hope can encourage other people to always choose what is right at this point in life where a pandemic and some of the government officials are being a pain in the ass.

I do not know when this COVID-19 ends but as my mom taught me, I finally understood why my name is Genesis. I know now that I am born because I have to raise my voice in the right manner, fight for what is right especially now that CORONA virus had brought up the true colors of our government. We should not stop encouraging people to always choose what is right and do good whatever happens. 

I may be one of those people who still aspire to become a successful writer whatever it takes and that my name does not yet have the spotlight on it, but as Taylor Swift said, “I still want to have a sharp pen, thin skin, and an open heart” that is fearless and dedicated enough in the sense that, I know writing may put me to death if a certain person hates me for it but, I will choose writing over and over again for I know that words are really powerful swords, and if I see something that I know generally is wrong and will affect the people, then I will surely pour my heart on my work whatever it takes because I believe and I need to be on the right side of history.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #1

This is the Biweekly version of Cerebus because I do not have access to what you humans call "money."

When I first encountered Cerebus, I must have been twelve or thirteen years old. It was probably 1984, possibly 1985. I had just purchased the Elfquest Role Playing Game and my mom was driving us home as I eagerly dove into it. I had only been reading Elfquest via the collected color editions even though a kid in my 6th grade class had mentioned to me that the series came out in black and white issues every few months. I probably didn't really believe him at the time because I rarely believed anything anybody told me if I didn't already know it. How I learned anything at all, I'll never know. Unless maybe I haven't learned anything? Anyway, as I perused the gaming book, I noticed a picture of Rayek speaking with Ekuar. What the hell? Rayek was dead, wasn't he?! What is this? Suddenly there were pictures of other elves I didn't recognize, elves in furs riding elk. "Oh my God! Those are the elves at the end of Elfquest Book Three!" I somehow didn't say out loud, completely boring my mother with my passion for all things elves. I was seeing spoilers! I shut the book, turned to my mother, and said, "We have to go to a comic book shop!" I don't remember if I already knew about Brian's Books on Calabazas Boulevard or if we looked it up in a phone book. I feel like we immediately went there because we were on El Camino already. Just trust me about the geography; it all works out! I could go into deeper details but I'm no Alan Moore or James Joyce. I'm not going to write a book that describes my hometown so well that any casual reader could suddenly find their way around the place. Brian's Books was my first real comic book shop. I had been reading other comic books picked up, half bent over, from the racks at the local 7-Eleven. But learning about Brian's Books changed that. Never again would I own a creased comic book! I went there to pick up the single issues of Elfquest that Dan assured me existed. One full shelf at Brian's Books was dedicated to Elfquest. He had copies (mostly reprints, probably) of many of the nearly twenty issues (I don't think the entire story had been completed at the time. But it was close!). Directly across the aisle from the Elfquest books was a number of shelves full of a comic book with a funny looking aardvark wearing a helmet and wielding a sword. I was instantly intrigued. But I never picked it up. At the time, I had a weird thing about adults knowing I was reading things that were kind of adult. I guess I was embarrassed for some reason. Maybe I thought I'd get teased. It was like that with Piers Anthony's Incarnation of Immortality series. I felt odd picking that up, as if I were trying to get away with being cheeky or naughty. Cerebus looked adult in that way that would embarrass me if my mom saw me buying it. So I didn't pick it up. Also, it was well into its 60th, 70th, or 80th issue (I don't remember exactly but it was pretty high up there already. I suppose it was being published for about 8 years by then with a year or two of those being bimonthly? So maybe around 80 or 90?). To me, all comic books were one continuous story. It was inconceivable to begin reading that far into the story. Not that I would have tried anyway; did you see that cover with that buxom woman in the chain mail bikini?! My mom would definitely ask me embarrassing questions! Several years later, at a different comic book shop in Saratoga (possibly one of the ones I was picking up Magic the Gathering cards at), I saw Swords of Cerebus. It was Cerebus but collected in one book and starting at the beginning! And I had stopped caring what mother thought about what I was reading! I believe I purchased the first three Swords of Cerebus collections and fell in love with it. It was hilarious and fun and it was spoofing Conan, books which I had been reading without fear of embarrassment for years. Probably because the covers had skeletons and fighting on the cover and not Conan ravishing topless women. Begin Digression: I got into He-Man and the Masters of the Universe because I saw a Skeletor figure in the toy department at Mervyn's with my grandmother. It reminded me of the cover of one of the Conan books I'd been reading at the time.

I wanted to say it was Conan of Cimmeria but then I looked it up online and discovered this was the cover of the version I read. Not the one that reminded me of Skeletor!

It's possible Skeletor just reminded me of a scene in Conan of Cimmeria with a skeleton on a throne that maybe he had to battle. Or it was just another of the books. Anyway, I begged her to buy Skeletor for me and she did and I played with just Skeletor for I don't know how long. This was before the cartoon even existed. Believe it or not, the figures did come first! End Digression. Not long after I purchased those Cerebus books, I discovered the huge Cerebus phone books. I don't know exactly when Dave Sim began publishing those but I believe a few were already available when I discovered them. I just happened to stumble upon his initial try at compiling his stories (Swords of Cerebus) first. At that point, it was over. I bought all that I could find and finally began reading the Cerebus monthly issues. It was some point during the "Mothers & Daughters" saga. If I had begun at "Melmoth," I'm not sure I would have continued with it! But will get to that eventually! For now, let's remember how the whole thing began.

One dollar. Can you believe it?!

This is Cerebus before he loses his helmet, his necklace, and 2/3 of his nose. You know how people sometimes have some major body changes or their heads kind of reshape as they age? I figure this is late teenage Cerebus who matures across the next twenty or so issues until he finally assumes his adult form. That's the in-continuity reason for his appearance change. I know the real reason is that Dave Sim refined his style while gaining valuable experience and practice over time. I don't remember when it happens but at some point Cerebus goes from looking like a slightly amateurish independent comic book to a gorgeous, expressive, Gerhard-backgrounded beauty of a book. Elfquest didn't go through nearly the same dramatic difference in its twenty issues. I guess when you've got three hundred issues to write, you have to get started before you're really ready. Unlike Wendy Pini who was all, "I only have to do twenty of these?! Let me get in some practice first! I don't want Cutter looking like a completely different character a third of the way through the story!" I'm not saying there aren't obvious aesthetic differences between the elves in Issue #1 and the elves in Issue #20! I'm just saying those differences are way less dramatic! The original Issue #1 came out at the end of 1977. I think these first issues were published every other month. According to a note from Sim's wife at the time, Deni Loubert, Cerebus came about as a logo for Aardvark-Vanaheim Press. And it was meant to be Cerberus but she spelled it wrong and also I guess Dave Sim couldn't draw a three-headed dog so he drew an Earth pig. I don't know. I'm doing a synopsis of the "Note from the Publisher" on the inside front cover which is just about as long as my synopsis and totally different. Because I have a habit of explaining things poorly, partially because I'm dumb and even more partially because I think it's funny. If you want the truth, get off the Internet and go fucking meditate. This biweekly issue also includes the introductory essay to the first Swords of Cerebus compilation written in 1981. Dave Sim also explains the origins of Cerebus, more accurately than I did although nowhere near as succinctly.

You don't have to read all that. I just wanted to show you how much Dave Sim had to write to get across the same idea that his then wife took a few small paragraphs to say. This theme will reappear later (much later, thankfully. I'll have my work cut out for me then).

As you can see by having not read that previous essay, Dave also explains his process. If you're interested, go ahead and maximize your browser so you can read the essay. If you're not interested, I won't bore you with another shitty synopsis. The issue begins with a narrator explaining Cerebus's arrival on the scene. Not an omniscient narrator. It's the voice of just some jerk in the city who was all, "That weird little guy who arrived at dawn? He'd be remembered as the finest warrior even though he was short and deformed." I like to believe that the person telling the story is Techot Thal, the guy who gets his hand cut off by Cerebus on the next page (the narrator talks about Techot in the third person but Cerebus does that with himself as well, so why can't Techot be telling the tale?). He probably begs for gold crowns outside of the local tavern and when somebody asks him about his hand, he begins the story of Cerebus. He probably tells all three hundred issues of the story. Unless he's telling it to a woman and then she walks off disgusted around Issue #186.

The first page tells the potential buyer everything they need to know about the comic book they're about to read: whimsical with pretty accurate depictions of horses.

Cerebus has come to town to do a Conan parody. Remember the part of the first Conan movie where they raid the tower and kill a giant serpent and steal a jewel or something? That's pretty much the plot of this issue. I'm not saying Oliver Stone and John Milius stole the story from Cerebus! It was just easier to say, "Hey, remember that scene in that movie that came out after this comic book?" I figure more people will identify with that than if I'd said, "Remember that Conan story by Robert E. Howard that you probably read when you were a twelve year old nerd who couldn't find anybody to play Dungeons & Dragons with them? Oh wait. I bet a lot of you would have identified with that too! I shouldn't be so quick to assume shit. Cerebus teams up with some thieves to raid a wizard's tower to steal the Flame Jewel. They've got it all planned but Cerebus is less a patient strategist and more a Leroy Jenkins kind of aardvark. He rushes into the tower heedlessly. Maybe his plan is to get his comrades killed so there's more Flame Jewel for Cerebus.

Do we ever find out who Clovis is and how many body parts he has?

Cerebus and his comrades are attacked by a shadow monster on their way into the tower. It's the first real example of Cerebus's skill with a sword as he defeats the monster. But it also shows that he's not overly powerful, and that he just barely wins the battle. He is vulnerable but strong willed and skillful! There remains doubt as to whether Cerebus can succeed at this mission! Also, it's just the first issue. It's not like the reader knew the story was going to go for 300 issues yet. It was possible, picking this strange new comic up off the shelf, Dave Sim would have realized how much work it was by the end of it and just let Cerebus die on the last page.

The wizard gets the first mention of Tarim (also his incantation earlier mentions "Terim" (which might be important later?)).

As of now, you'd think Cerebus worshiped somebody named Clovis and the humans worshiped somebody named Tarim. But we'll see later that Cerebus is into Tarim too. And maybe Clovis is just some hero myth of the barbarians? Next, Cerebus is attacked by an animated skeleton! They fight in a pitch back corridor because Dave Sim had yet to partner with Gerhard and drawing backgrounds is probably boring and/or time consuming. After defeating the skeleton and a ceiling of hallucinogenic petunias dropped on them, Cerebus's companions suggest they flee the tower. But Cerebus forces them to go on, seeing as they promised him a pouch of gold for helping them get the Flame Jewel. What a shrewd negotiator! Even if the Flame Jewel winds up being a cheap knock-off or legend (which it totally will be!), Cerebus still gets paid! Eventually, Cerebus encounters the wizard and his pet dragon (which I misremembered as a giant snake. Eh, it's similar enough to the Conan story!). Cerebus realizes the dragon is an illusion and closes his eyes as he approaches the wizard. He's all, "I'm just going to keep walking forward swinging my sword like this and if some dumb wizard just happens to get in my way, it's not my fault if he loses his spleen!" Cerebus, ignoring the beast so that the beast must ignore him, marches up to the wizard and kills him. He sure does understand magic! The thieves pay Cerebus after which Cerebus is all, "You guys should check out the Flame Jewel now! And also remember this old aardvark saying, 'No takesies backsies.'"

Ho ho! What a twist! What a wise aardvarkian warrior! What a realistic looking horse!

Cerebus rides off into the sunset leaving the thieves to declare their hatred for aardvarks. Because even thieves in fantasy novels only consider white men as individuals. Everybody else simply represents their entire race. Unless they do something kind or good or smart. That's when they declare them an anomaly. At the end of the issue are the "Aardvark Comments," the letters pages. I will be reading and discussing these to some degree since so much of the controversy that Dave Sim eventually had to deal with began life in this section. But that's a topic for another time, something like 185 issues from now. Here's another bit at the end of the Biweekly edition of Cerebus: The Single Page.

Another reason to love Dave Sim's independent spirit and artistic ethos.

Dave Sim had no need to put other people's work in the back of the Cerebus Biweekly to fill space or to sell issues. He did it simply to support other independent artists. How many mainstream companies would simply use this as an excuse to get people to send them free art just so they could see it in print? Sim is offering artists $150.00 for their efforts. Seems like a pretty generous offer for what basically amounts to exposure. In his later years, he might let his perception of reality as a conflict between men and women ultimately shape his spirituality and the way he read The Bible and The Quran (I mean, the scripture depicts two voices of God, a bad female one and a good male one? Come on, Dave! Hoo boy!) but he was always true to his independent publishing beliefs. Cerebus #1 Rating: B. A solid B effort here at the outset. I can't begin by giving this issue an A knowing how fucking terrific this thing gets not too far down the line. Besides, it doesn't deserve more than a solid B. The art tells the story of a better than amateur but not quite yet nailing it artist developing his style. The story isn't much more than a Conan fanfic rip with a talking animal shoved into the lead. It's got a few moments where the wit really shines and you can see shadows of Sim's really clever writing. And I don't mean to suggest the art is in any way bad; he's got some terrific panels and creatures in this thing. It's just it gets so much better! And the lettering! Come on! I never comment on letterers but Sim, having complete control of his story telling, knows exactly how to visualize the dialogue and sound effects. This isn't the kind of comic book where you think, "I have to read #2!" Mostly because it's a complete story in itself. But it is the type that will make you remember it when you see #2 on the shelf causing you to automatically pick it up.

[magicandmayhcm]

You Belong To Me | A Drabble

Who: Victoria Strand, Renee Reynolds, Michael Howard Where: Austin, Texas & New York City What: Tori’s birth mom, Renee, asks Tori to talk to her. Tori agrees and gets in Renee’s car. Before she knows it, she’s being flown up to NYC and taken away from her family. Trigger Warnings: Kidnapping, Slight mentions of physical & emotional abuse

twenty minutes. she just had to make it the last twenty minutes and then the school day would be over and the weekend would begin. not that victoria had many plans for the weekend. she still didn’t have that many friends here, but that was okay. she could spend the weekend reading or playing a new video game. there was always something more fun than being stuck in a classroom to be done. her eyes watched the clock as the second hand seemed to move ever so slowly. a watched pot never boils. how many times had she heard that phrase over the years? too many to count. she could be a tad impatient when there was something she was looking forward to.

eyes closed as she pretended to be listening to her english teacher. english was one of her best subjects, and she didn’t feel it necessary to listen to her teacher drone on and on about the grammar rules they were supposed to be learning that day. her essays she turned in proved well enough that she knew how to write - she always managed a’s and b’s on them.

her mind was wandering, thinking about the newest book she’d checked out of the library and whether she would try to finish it this weekend. not that there was much thought to put into it - she was a book worm through and through. she was so lost in thought that she almost missed the bell that signaled the end of class and, more importantly, the end of the school day.

grabbing her backpack, she headed to her locker to get the books she would need for homework over the weekend and then made her way out to the front of the school to wait for her bus. however, she stopped in her tracks when she saw a woman she recognized standing near the school entrance. renee - also known as her mother. she only recognized her from the fact she had been trying to get tori to talk to her for the past few weeks. tori had been avoiding her for the most part, but it was starting to wear her down.

“hey, tor-tor,” renee greeted with a smile. “how about a ride home? we can stop and get some ice cream on the way.”

she wanted to say know; she really did. but tori halfway hoped that if she said yes, maybe - just maybe - renee would finally leave her alone. so, with a sigh of hesitation, she finally acquiesced.

“fine. but just for a little bit. dad always calls at four to make sure i’m home.”

“i’ll be sure you’re home before then, don’t worry,” renee promised, smile never faltering, although tori thought there was something a little off about it.

she let the woman lead her to the car she’d rented when she’d flown down to the texas town and climbed into the passenger seat. her hand automatically went into her pocket for her phone, pulling it out to check the time. “we only have twenty minutes, so maybe you can just drive me home and we can talk on the way there?”

the car started up and renee began driving without giving an answer. tori swallowed roughly, unsure if she’d made the right decision in agreeing to this. maybe she should have called owen right away when she had seen the brunette woman standing there waiting for her. but no - she hadn’t wanted to involve him in this mess. she was fifteen. she was old enough to start figuring these things out for herself.

“c’mon, i’m sure it’ll be okay,” renee eventually said as they pulled onto the main freeway. “just tell owen you decided to go to a friend’s house, i’m sure he’ll understand.”

he might. then again, he might get upset that tori hadn’t mentioned it earlier. either way, she had a feeling the suggestion wasn’t merely a suggestion and that renee was expecting her to do that. looking at the phone in her hands, she hesitated, wondering if she should call owen and tell him what was happening. almost as if reading her mind, renee turned to look at her.

“don’t even think about it. if you tell him you’re with me, you’ll regret it, you got that?”

the sudden change in demeanor sent a shiver down the teen’s spine. it was obvious to her now that getting in the car had been a bad idea. especially as they continued driving and tori noticed signs stating they were heading north out of town.

“w - where are we going? i thought you were taking me home.”

“i am. i’m taking you home to my home. you’re my daughter and i’ll be damned if i let owen keep you away from me anymore.”

another rough swallow happened when she felt the phone buzzing in her hands. she’d been so preoccupied with watching their surroundings that she hadn’t been paying attention to the time. looking at the phone, she saw her father’s name on the caller id. somehow, renee must have seen it from where she was sitting as well.

“tell him what i told you earlier,” she stated, hand reaching over to grip tori’s leg much harder than was necessary. “you tell him you went to a friend’s house. and you better not make it obvious you’re lying.”

terrified didn’t even begin to explain how tori was feeling. tears were welling up in her eyes as she realized how much of a mistake she’d made. it was evident now that this had all been a ruse to get victoria alone with renee. and as she continued to look at the signs, she noticed they were not only heading out of town but towards an airport.

taking a breath to steady her voice as much as she possibly could, the teen answered the phone on the last ring.

“h - hello,” she began, her voice breaking, which only earned her another hard grip from the woman’s hand.

“tori, you okay? you sound upset.” her father’s voice came through from the other line and she could hear the worry in it. she hated this. hated all of it. he was dealing with enough as it was without having to add this on top of it. and she couldn’t even tell him what was happening without risking something bad happening to her.

“yeah, sorry. just a - a little out of breath.”

“are you at home?”

“no, i, um .. i decided to go with a friend to grab a bite to eat and then maybe hang out at her place for a little bit.” she looked over to renee who was mouthing the word sleepover, and tori understood what she meant. “she actually invited me to stay over tonight, so i, um, i’m hoping that’s okay.”

“tor ...” a small pause and a sigh could be heard before owen continued speaking. “you know i like more notice than that. but yes, i suppose it’s fine. just text me your friend’s address and her parents names so i have it in case of an emergency.”

“okay, daddy. i will. i love you.” saying those three words pained her, knowing that she might not get to speak to him again for a while.

“i love you too, tori. behave yourself tonight. goodbye.”

when the call was ended, tori finally let the tears she’d been holding back fall. this wasn’t what she’d been expecting to happen.

“knock it off,” came the sharp voice of renee as she pulled into the airport lot. “i don’t need people seeing the two of us with you blubbering and thinking something’s wrong. if you tell anybody what’s going on, i will make you pay for it, do you understand me?”

the teen just nodded, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. she wanted to run, to ask for help, but the thought of what renee might do to her - or worse, to her dad or brother - made her stay with the woman. she wasn’t going to risk getting someone she cared about hurt, even if that meant having to endure this hell of a situation on her own.

she kept her eyes down through the whole process. while tickets were being purchased, through boarding, and as the plane rose up into the air. when they were flying over the states, she closed her eyes, feeling the tears silently streaming down her cheeks, doing her best to wipe them away before renee saw them. though from what tori could tell, her “mother” was too busy drinking to give a rat’s ass about what was going on. now all tori could do was hope that owen would figure out the sleepover thing was a ruse and discover what had happened. she had little hope of that happening, especially as the plane landed and she was led to a car with another man waiting inside of it.

“tori, this is michael, my fiance. michael, this is my daughter tori. she’s going to be staying with us for a while, isn’t that right?”

“um, yeah, i guess so,” tori mumbled, eyes staring blankly out the car window.

“and your ex is okay with this?” michael asked quietly, though tori could hear what he was saying.

“of course he is. what, do you think i kidnapped her or something?” renee asked with a small laugh. this just made tori’s eyes well up once more. turning to face her daughter, renee held out a hand. “why don’t you give me your phone to hold onto? that way if your father calls, i can reassure him you’re just fine.”

tori knew this was bullshit. she knew the only reason renee wanted the phone was so tori couldn’t call for help.

“i think i’ll hold onto it,” she said, her first act of defiance since this whole ordeal started.

“give me the phone. now.”

the tone of the woman’s voice and the look in her eyes scared tori, but she knew she couldn’t give up her only real chance of help.

“it’s d - dead,” she lied. “i was going to charge it when we got to your house. i can give it to you after it’s done.”

she noticed michael staring at her through the rearview mirror and hoped maybe he could tell something was off. whether he did or not, he didn’t say, but they were soon pulling into the driveway of a nice house.

“let’s get settled,” he said, offering the girl a smile. “where are your things? i don’t remember you putting a suitcase in the trunk.”

“oh, that’s because i told her i would buy her new clothes here!” renee piped in before tori could say anything. “i figured we could go shopping in the morning. spend some quality mother and daughter time together.”

“sounds good to me,” michael agreed with a shrug. “let’s get in and order some food. i’m sure you’re both starving.”

moving slowly up the drive and towards the house, tori knew she was only going to have one shot at getting help before things got worse. walking into the house, she managed to find the way to the bathroom and lock herself inside before renee could stop her and she pulled out her phone. she hit the call button to call her father and waited, hoping and praying he would pick up, because if he didn’t - well ... there was no knowing what might happen next.

[jmdrd]

The National - 10/12/2019 - Motorpoint Arena, Nottingham

This is the Nottingham story. This is when I decided I wanted to share my adventures with anyone who’s willing to give them a read. I am happy and grateful to talk about this one because it showed once again the power that music has to dissolve all separation in front of us.

It all began in September of 2019, as I was deciding on the first gigs that I would go to as my new London life began. I came upon The National’s announcement for their UK tour leg backing up their newest album I Am Easy To Find (2019). At this point, I’d seen them twice: December 2017 at the Civic Opera House in Chicago and in April 2019 at the Beacon Theatre in NYC. Twice had I flown to another country to see my favorite band. Twice I had been blown away. I smiled and thought, A third one does not seem far away. I noticed that the band did not plan on playing a London show during this leg. A few cities that I had never heard of were on the list, and then I noticed Brighton! Leo studies in Brighton, I’ll go to the gig and crash on his floor, a very simple plan. It started to look like I wasn’t going to need to travel an excruciating long distance to see the native clevenlanders. I didn’t buy my tickets then, it seemed too early to purchase them. I did not have the money yet plus, there were plenty tickets left and only a couple of dates were sold out. I knew I was going to be able to go. Brighton is not a big town, not a lot of people will go, I stupidly thought.

Months passed, winter term at Goldsmiths happened, and the last week of November was upon us all. This meant two things: Winter break and The National. To my surprise, all tickets for Brighton were sold out. Sadness started to crawl inside me, I was so excited to belt “Oblivions” alongside Matt Beringer, the Dessner twins and the Devendorf siblings. But it seemed like this was not going to happen, not in the next few days at least. “I have to see them,” I whispered under a big sigh. “Think of something, dude,” I told myself a few times. Then it came to me, travel a little further. I had done it before, why not cross city lines one more time to get to a gig? My research began, what city is the closest to London and has tickets for The National on the second week of December? The contenders were Leeds and Nottingham; Leeds I’d heard of, given that a friend is from there. Nottingham was a mystery, but it was quicker to get there. It was decided then, Nottingham it is! Planning for this gig was simple, but as I bought my train tickets I realized I had to get to a class on Wednesday after the Tuesday night gig. I can get from London to Nottingham, vise versa, in an hour and a half. So I’ll make it to my class. The only problem was that the last train to London left at 11:15 PM and there was no way I was making it if I wanted to stay for the whole show. The only solution to this was taking the first train scheduled at 5:00 AM on Wednesday morning. Which gave me sufficient time to get to my last radio class at 9:00 AM.

Weirdly, the week before the show transport decided to be my enemy. A flight I had a weekend prior to it was cancelled, a few Underground rides went longer than expected, and the train on my way to Nottingham broke-down. I found myself stranded in the middle of yet another unknown place: Leicester. As I stood in the cold-rainy platform I called my mom to let her know what was going on (for obvious purposes this conversation has been roughly translated from Spanish). 

-“Hey! I’m stranded in Leicester. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the show, the train stopped working and it is not going to let any other trains through.”

-“What?! No way, I can’t believe it!” She said sadly.

-“Yup, I’m going to ask around to see if I can figure something out. Maybe I can take a bus to Nottingham.” I scratched my head a bit and let out a big sigh.

-“Okay, please let me know! You’ll make it, I know you will.” With a soft tone she calmed me down.

-“Will do, ¡te quiero mucho!” I quickly replied.

-“¡Yo también!”

I hung up and started walking towards a lady wearing a bright yellow vest. She was telling some other people that the train we were on was not going to move in a while. She had no idea what we could do, or how we could get to where we were going. Google Maps said I could take a bus that was leaving in ten minutes, but walking to the stop was going to take me fifteen. I thought about running, but noticed that another train bound to Nottingham was going to arrive in twenty minutes on a different platform. I asked a staff worker if that was real, and as he smiled he said “I believe so, it is supposed to get here soon!” Once more, everything was going to be alright. I wasn’t going to be in the front row anymore, nevertheless, I was going to be inside the Motorpoint Arena. 

As I chewed on a Reese’s peanut butter chocolate and caramel crunchy-bar, the train arrived. “This is it!” I thought. One trouble less for the rest of the ride. I forgot to mention this earlier, but I had an important theory essay due on Thursday morning. Because my radio class goes on until late in the afternoon I was not going to have much time to write after it if I wanted to sleep. I decided to get working on it on my way to this midland city; I had a good flow going on in the first train, but the mechanical failure threw me off. I decided to wait until after the show to worry about this. Very simple decision because I was going to have to wait for around six hours for the train back home. 

Fast forward a little, I’m inside the arena a few feet from the stage (I was standing in the sixth row). Chatter filled the room as I stood wearing a black hat, some rain-wet jeans and a blue Miller Lite t-shirt as I held on to a poster and my backpack. Unknown faces all around me were excitedly talking about their expectations for the show. I was ready and could not wait any longer; I felt happy I had to travel once more to see my favorite band.

The lights dimmed and a bright pink dressed Jenny Lewis came into the stage to deliver a mellow and solid performance. The guitar solos were rich, her voice was soothing and hypnotizing, the percussion simple and crisp. Smoke and dust danced around to a purple background as I rhythmically moved my head side to side. What a nice warmup, I thought as Lewis and her band walked off stage. Now, the longest part of the night came: the half hour were the roadies set up everything to perfection. A few scattered shouts (mined included) echoed in the arena as a guitar chord was struck to make sure it was on tune. Lights dimmed once more, I smiled. I could not stop smiling. The band began playing “Rylan”, one of the new tracks. A loud snare drum performed by a flawless Bryan Devendorf backed Matt’s baritone voice as it was being whispered into the microphone: “Rylan you should try and get some sun / You remind me of everyone.” The melancholic lyrics that have been crafted to adorn the experimental rock sound don’t seem so sad anymore. A warm nostalgia filled up the room. Once again, I’m sure that any trouble is worth this. Suddenly, I froze as Matt pointed at me asking if I had been at the Nottingham gig a couple of years ago. I was not able to speak, I didn’t know how to tell him it wasn’t me. “Come on, raise your hand! It is you,” he chuckled as “Day I Die” started playing. I couldn’t believe I had half an interaction with the person who’s written the songs that have soundtracked my life for the past four years. I thought it was funny how he confused me given the fact that I had only been in the country for three months. The show continued and the first song I ever heard by them began: “Fake Empire”. A rich piano played by Aaron Dessner sounded at the top of the first words, “stay out super late tonight / picking apples, making pie”, and a few seconds later the snare once again covering the noise of a faint guitar riff being played by Bryce Dessner. As Scott Devendor jammed through the baseline the signature trumpets started vibrating through the monitors. Absolute chaos and then silence. A roar of claps came in a few seconds after. “Woooo! Yes, yes yes!” I yelled. “Thank you,” Matt whispered as the rest of the band made hand signals. It was time for the fake exit before the encore. The night ended with an unplugged version of “Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks” on a white-lighted stage. After tears were shed, yelling performed and lyrics recited, I proudly messed up the choir to the last song in the exact moment when everyone went quiet. I laughed along with a few other strangers. No better way to end a night. 

The hours before my train arrived were mostly spent in a loud McDonald’s filled with drunk students as I wrote my essay. In the attempt of finding a quieter place to write at two in the morning I decided to venture out into the windy streets. I decided to walk towards the train station, but after a few minutes of going in the wrong direction my phone died. I was officially lost. I tried finding my way back to McDonald’s without success until I found a local guy walking quickly with his headphones on. I asked him where the train station was and he pointed to the left. I walked for a little bit more and made it. Yes, I made it to a cold empty building with no tables and no power outlets. Off I went again looking for my oasis; luckily, Christmas was near and a huge adorned tree sat in the middle of Nottingham’s central square. Just like the wise men, pirates and many others before me, I used the star to find my way back to another McDonald’s. I sat there writing, reading and charging my phone as people looked at me weird from time to time. An hour before my train departed I got kicked out because I didn't purchase anything. I politely made my way back to the station, took the train back home, showered, crushed my radio class and finished the essay. 

Would I do this again? Yes, without question. Music has been the fuel to many successful adventures for me and many others. According to the UK’s Live Music Census conducted in 2017, about 10.9 million people traveled inside the union for music-ing purposes and a total 809,000 people came from overseas for the same reason. In times when we are constantly reminded by bigger powers that division is our best bet, music comes in and proves them wrong again, again, and again. This gig taught me that no matter who you are, there will always be a home for people that want togetherness. For people that want barriers to be abolished. Music has sparked rebellions for centuries and it will not stop. Let’s sing, dance and yell! Share a song, go to a concert, travel to a new town and listen to a local band. Anew, let's utilize music as our ally as we tear every single wall down. 

[ajp3mbgk-blog]

Why is older cars like a 1970 camaro cheaper on insurance then a new one like a 1996 camaro?

Why is older cars like a 1970 camaro cheaper on insurance then a new one like a 1996 camaro?

Plz need help on this

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SOURCES:

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[alifeenrouteblog]

Why I Haven't Been Writing Lately

First, the boring stuff. Since going full-time with my business, Tall Hair Creative, I’ve had less time. Yes, that’s a very boring reason. And it’s an even weaker excuse. But let’s just start here.

Exactly one year ago, I was one-month into my unemployment, just back from a trip to Europe, and had just received my first unemployment paycheck. That was the life. Around this time, I decided I would take as long as I needed to in order to recover from my 9-5 bullshit life. For the past four years, I had been told by bosses, but mostly coworkers, how I was not professional, I was abrasive, lacked interpersonal skills, and every time I might have hurt someone’s feelings. I had been changing for years, disguising it as professional growth. It wasn’t. I was manipulated.

My parents were understandably frustrated af when I told them I would not be diving into a job search. I didn’t want to rush into another terribly emotionally abusive job. Having done a fair amount of job searching in Cleveland, I already knew there wasn’t a lot of job opportunities. I knew there were even fewer prospects of finding an organization that I would actually like to work for and would truly accept my personality, work style, and the work I do here on this blog. Because I should also mention at this point, I had started my blog just a few months before I was given the axe; my writing on here until this point was, while still authentic and vulnerable, but pretty safe. I didn’t write about dating or sex. I definitely had not mentioned my family or past abuse. What started out as a HR consultant/executive coaching blog, quickly evolved into something much more ‘me’, unapologetically. This trajectory was happening before my unemployment, but I didn’t make the decision to fully dig into it until almost exactly a year ago.

So, to recap: May 2018, I found myself unemployed with a lot of free time, a newfound sense of peace, but also a desire to explore the demons that have been holding me back for decades. I spent my days reorganizing my apartment to something that I loved and truly worked for me, and I spent my evenings getting drunk on rose on my back patio or at the pizzeria attached to my place, furiously typing into the MacBook Air I just purchased weeks before with the entirety of my savings account. It wasn’t a savings account for purchasing a home, but more for travel and buying laptops when you get fired.

I would write for hours every night. I got into a rhythm. I started refining my writing and I felt like I was on to something. Then I started publishing my good shit. Then I started to get some really amazing feedback from readers. Mostly friends, but some strangers, either way – it was affirming. People were telling me how relatable my writing was. How they loved my openness. How my raw honesty spoke to them, made them feel less alone. And I was hooked.

I spent months doing this. Until I realized I had about 3 months left of unemployment cash coming in and I knew I had to come up with some plan to make money. This is the point when I started to conceptualize Tall Hair Creative. What I was thinking my business would look like at this point, was pretty different than what it is today. It’s gone through multiple iterations since August 2018. All of which I love. The most surprising has definitely been my selling my photography.

Another big thing I did when I lost my job was get a boudoir shoot. This was a big moment for me for a lot of reasons, which you can read about in this post. But I should mention here, that it was a turning point for me that I didn’t want to work anywhere that would disqualify me or judge me based on my sharing of these beautiful photos of myself. This photoshoot also sparked an interest in photography. Sometime in July of last year, I purchased a Canon Rebel, which if you don’t know is the cheapest DSLR camera you can get, and I started teaching myself photography. My original goal when purchasing the camera was to be able to capture pretty photos for my Instagram, in order to get more followers, and drive my traffic to my blog, which would obviously enable me to get a book deal in no time. It was all writing related. But I quickly learned that it was hard (impossible) to take photos of myself, especially if I didn’t know how to use the damn thing in the first place. In order to teach myself, I started offering free photoshoots on Instagram to anyone that would let me practice. This was one of my best decisions I ever made. I made a lot of cool friends this way and it turned out to be a great way for me to learn the art of photography. I distinctly remember texting Kate Kaput, while editing her photos and confused af, telling her that I had spent hours that day trying to learn how to edit photos, even though I needed to do other stuff, like look for a job. I followed that up with something like “That probably means I should be doing this for a living.” I was fucking right Anyway, all of that to say, I have been very surprised that my photography services were really the only thing that took off in Cleveland; and it changed the scope of my business quite a bit.

After blissful unemployment ended and my business (mainly, photography) was picking up, I stopped writing as much. Not only was it less time available, but it was less creative time and/or space in my head. I was putting all of my creativity into launching and marketing my business. To make matters ‘worse’, I was ghosted by someone I adored, and lost my interest in dating completely, which was fine, but made for less writing content. At that point, I had been really into writing about dating, and even became a top writer for Medium in the category of Love.

Suddenly, I was left with little time to write and no content to write about. And I’ve been riding that ever since. I’ve come up with a few things and I’ve reworked a few existing essays and put them up here, but as I’ve been saying for months now, I have not written anything I am especially proud of in SO LONG. Maybe six months. I’m not sure. This move didn’t help much either. It fucked up my writing and it fucked up my business. Moving to Denver, meant losing all my photography clients, i.e. the most profitable part of my business, but it also meant a total mindfuck. When I got the news from my best-friend-at-one-point/landlord, I was devastated. And when my mom said I could not move in with her, I was…I don’t even know what the word is. It’s something like almost being dead, but not quite dead, but kind of wish you were because it would be easier. Something so much deeper than depressed. I was depressed when Brian ended my lease/our friendship. But when my mom said I could not live with her, I felt my whole world end.

It wasn’t a surprise to any of my close friends that my mom said no. And they’ve all expressed, at least at one point, that they are glad I did not move in with my mom because they knew it wasn’t good for my mental health or our relationship. They’re not wrong. But that didn’t stop the life-crushing depression I experienced for two weeks after speaking with Brian and my mom. I couldn’t leave my bed. This has happened to me before, in rare instances of depression, but only for a day or two – MAX. Never have I experienced depression this bad for two weeks. I was tired all of the time. I slept a lot. Even when I wasn’t sleeping, I was in my bed. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I was exhausted by the time I was walking back into my bed. When Erin invited me to live with her, it was a god-send, and amazing, but it didn’t really end my depression. The anxiety and trauma of trying to figure out where I would live was gone. But the loss of my relationships with my best friend and my mother remained very present in every breath I took.

Moving to Denver gave me something to reach for. I now had stuff to do for something that was happening. I worked on selling 90% of my belongings. I started texting my close friends what was happening and telling them about my move to Denver, letting them know before I announced anything on social media. My dear friend, Colleen, said something that really caught my breath at the moment and stayed with me, even now. When I told her what was happening and I was moving to Denver, she said, “Aww Steph! I wish you the best and am here for you if you need anything. The mountains are beautiful and I hope they bring you what you need.” I loved that she said ‘I hope the mountains bring what you need’. I’ve always been a big believer in the healing powers of water, specifically bodies of water, and to be honest, the lack of ocean or lakes in Denver made me nervous, but Colleen got me thinking about stuff differently. I started to get excited.

I had a plan, I was getting excited, and then I went to Japan, which only made me more excited to move to Denver. It just wasn’t good for writing. I did write about my travel experiences to Japan, here and here, and an essay about dating, and the trip did give me a lot of healing and clarifying, and opportunities to write, but when I got home I had to hit the ground running when it came to the cross-country move.

I was so overwhelmed and my depression started to kick in again. In one of my greatest moments of vulnerability, I asked my greatest friend, Brittany, to help me. But not just help me like a normal person. I asked her to come over and make a to-do list with me and then run errands with me. I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t handle everything I had to do, so I just didn’t do anything. Brittany didn’t even hesitate. Actually, she was really excited. When I told her exactly how I was feeling and exactly what I needed from her, her reply: “OMG YES! Can we make lists and cross stuff of as we do them?” I had never been so grateful to have such a nerd for my greatest friend. She came over, we did shit, and we started crossing stuff off the to do list. She came over a total of 9 times, in the two weeks between coming back from Japan and leaving for Denver. Sometimes just to literally sit in my passenger’s seat and drive with me do errands. It sounds simple, but I could not have done it without her. She also did really big stuff too. She packed boxes (and somehow tapped them perfectly). She dropped things off at MULTIPLE donation centers. She did so much. I will never be able to express my gratitude to her for everything she did for me during this time. Even before the moving stuff got rolling, when I was deep in my depression, she would check on me every day.

I have loved Brittany since the day I met at her; on her first day at work at Cleveland Metropolitan School District. She was so cute and polite. I was so jaded and broken by that point. Our first interaction: we were in an All Team meeting, someone (one of our terrible bosses) used a yellow dry erase marker on the whiteboard, it obviously didn’t show up and Brittany sweetly said, not quite to herself, but not to anyone specific, “Oh, I’ve never seen a yellow dry erase marker before.” No one else was listening to her, but I heard her and I snarkly responded with “There’s a lot of things here you’ve never seen before.” And she laughed, like a lot. A laugh that was real and told me we would be friends. At the very least work friends. Almost four years later, I can safely say she is my greatest friend. I tell her this often, either directly or in writing, that I’ve never met anyone like her. She is the kindest soul I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with. She is patient with me. She asks questions before judging. She always focuses on the positive. She has never told me I’ve done something wrong. It’s mind boggling to me, because we are so so different, but other than my brother, I’ve never felt closer to another soul. She is truly the greatest. I truly hope everyone has a Brittany in their life. If not, please go find someone. And a side note – check out her executive coaching business because she’s an extremely gifted coach, and she also just got a super amazing prestigious job that she 100000% deserves.

Ok, so this isn’t a love letter to Brittany. Although, I have been trying to write her a letter for over a month now, so maybe this is the start I needed. But to go back to where is started, it’s been hard to write lately, so even though I started writing Brittany a letter several times, I couldn’t ever get through the first few lines. And even though I have tried writing Brian a letter, and have a lot on paper, I can’t seem to get it right. And even though, I haven’t even started the painful process of writing a letter to my mother, letting her know how I feel, because that might literally end me at this point (not using literally figuratively), it’s still on my to-do list. But to recap: I don’t have the time, I don’t have the creative space in my brain, and too much is going on – that’s why I haven’t been writing.

I shouldn’t say, I haven’t been writing. I have been. I have written a lot in notebooks. I have a lot of shit typed into my phone’s Notes app. I have thousands of words of shit right here on this laptop. Because I never truly STOP writing. I’m always writing. Every single day I write something, whether it’s on my phone, laptop, notebook. Here is where I struggle lately: Among the reasons I just listed, I have been having a hard time writing/publishing my writing because I can’t seem to write something without feeling like I’m just complaining. Everything that’s been going on and everything I am feeling lately, I feel like the victim and everyone else looks like a villain, and that comes out in my writing. Much of my writing has been about how other people have been shitty to me; but it’s also how that made me feel, the shitty things I’ve done, and about how I’ve worked through that. I don’t feel any of that with the shit I’ve been going through as of late. At least not when I write it and read it back to myself. When I read it back to myself, it sounds like I’m complaining. A LOT. And for some readers, that’s what this whole blog might sound like to them. But to me, and avid readers, it’s not. It’s about how I’ve dealt with shit, worked through or am trying to work through some shit, and most importantly how this is all a part of the greater human experience. Much to the chagrin of my parents, my writing has never been about putting other people on blast. It’s really not. I don’t write shit with the sole purpose of embarrassing people. But I do not let the fact that a story might embarrass someone I love prevent me from telling that story. That’s not reason alone. And where I’m at right now, with my life and my writing, it’s just not enough. I don’t have a point of view. I don’t have a message. I don’t have much to say other than bash the people that have hurt me, even if that literally means just recapping events from my perspective. It’s not enough. So I’ve been withholding my writing. Until today, when I saw my Instagram traffic data and realized that my profile views have gone down a lot lately (because I haven’t been posting anything new on the blog or Instagram) and I felt inspired to explain why I haven’t been posting much the last six months, especially the last three.

Yes, I want to tell you more about how I am adjusting to Denver. How my call to my dad on his birthday in march went. And how his call on my 30th birthday went. About how I feel about my mother and I’s relationship. How frustrated I get with my Instagram growth. How I annoyed I am that for every 10 followers I get, I lose 7. How jealous I am of people who get 270 likes on a post, when I rarely get past 40. How anxious I feel about my finances and next steps and what my goals are now. And how every day I have at least one moment of screaming inside my head, “WTF DID YOU GET YOURSELF INTO GIRLFRIEND!!!! YOU FUCKED UP BIG TIME!” YES, I want to tell you all of that. But I can’t figure out how to tell you all of that without sounding like I’m complaining, or gossiping, or just throwing people that have hurt me under the bus. That’s not my goal here. Ultimately, this isn’t a diary, it’s a blog. My only goal for this platform, which I’ve said for the last year, is to let you know you’re not alone. I’m glad I could share this, while maybe it’s not exactly how I pictured it, it’s what I needed, and I hope to god at least one of you needed it to.

 You are loved,

Stephanie