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love-fireflysong · 5 months ago

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Got tagged by @queenofbaws like 6 seconds ago to do this thing and because I'm currently trying SUPER hard to stay awake for at least another three hours to get me back on a 'normal' sleep schedule for the next week and a half, we're doing this shit now! ...and also because if I don't do it now then I'll just forget about it and never do it asjdhkjahsdkjs

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

59! Not a bad total all things considered 😤

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

337,514. That's an average of 5,720 words per fic btw akjdshjkahsd

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Until Dawn mostly. Got a decent amount of Tales of Phantasia stuff as well as a lot of ideas for it but cause that fandom is even deader than ud's, I never actually write any of it lmao

4. Top five fics by kudos

Valentine's Day Prompts (crossed out because while it's *technically* my highest I do not count it for the sole reason that like literally not even ten minutes after I uploaded it I got like 50+ guest kudos all at once so those are clearly bots and the correct kudos count is probably somewhere between 20 and 30 lol) What I actually consider my top five fics by kudos are:

The Final Days of Our Youth

More Than Worth It (though considering it was posted only barely a week after the vday prompts the kudos may be a bit suspect here as well 🤔)

Nothing and Nobody But You

The Sound of Silence

Baby It's Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don't let go)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I did/do. And by that I mean I love to, but the last couple of years I've been letting the few I've gotten pile up due to not being in a good headspace to answer/I've just been really busy at that exact moment. Which is important, cause if I don't have the time to respond then and there, I will just keep forgetting to reply. Which is how I've reached the point where I have almost 2 year old comments that I want to respond to but I feel like shit answering them now 2 years later, and let me tell you the feeling does NOT get any less guilty the longer I wait to respond aksjdhkajsdhjk

(maybe I should use this time to answer them while I try to stay awake lmao)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm. I mean, technically the one I'm writing now? It's probably between Winter is Death and Not Only Monsters Hide Under the Bed where one fic involves Hannah slowly losing her free will as she spends a year with the Makkapitew taking over her body and the other is about a little girl hiding from the people sent to kill her village but being found and killed just before her brother got home to save her.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

...Somehow, this is the harder of the two to answer aksdjkjahsdkjashd uh.... pretty much any chrashley focus fic where the ending involves them actually confessing and getting together I guess? But if I have to chose one, I think The Final Days of Our Youth cause it's chrashley confessing and getting together, but also repairing their friendship that Chris very nearly torpedoed cause he's an avoidant moron.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly no! Thankfully anyone who does not like the ships I write for does not read my fics and thus does not leave comments. And if there us people out there who just do not vibe with my writing style (understandable) they've just clicked back and not responded either.

9. Do you write smut?

Once! I did it once and only once because I just really, really wanted to read about an awkward and clumsy first time between Chris and Ashley and that, uh, did not exist. So I (unfortunately for everyone lol) took it upon myself to write it. That being said, because it is smut, it is unsurprisingly the one fic I can always count on getting a new kudos or bookmark on every now and then.

And I will probably never write another one again sorry not sorry lol.

10. Craziest crossover?

I mean the only crossovers I've ever done is my Outlast au stuff but I don't really consider that a 'crazy' crossover lol.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of! Like I'm not even sure that they've been scrapped by AI sites. Not sure why anyone would want to steal my fics in the first place though honestly.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I mean, no one's ever asked so I assume not? If they did though than all the power to them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Never been asked and never asked anyone lol.

14. All time favourite ship?

I mean, Chris/Ashley easily, though Chris/Josh/Ashley is a *very* close second lol. (Chester/Arche is also a very close third but no one other than me here knows who they even are so askldjaslkdjsa)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh god, the actual main outlast au fic that really delves into how the initial prank on Hannah snowballed into climbing chrash being thrust into experiencing the events of the Outlast video game. Except that's not a wip I've even started despite all the notes and timelines in my head 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

I do think dialogue is my strongest strength personally. I think it flows fairly naturally, to the point where I've sometimes gotten stuck on a scene and switching over to some dialogue either earlier on or just throwing a line in randomly will just unstick *something* in the brain and my creativity output stops being a blockage and returns to it's trickle aksjdhaskdhj

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else? Descriptions. I just feel like I can't describe things very well and so I'm always worried that my writing tends to read flat because of it.

Also, due to being told that I'm a waste of space, stupid, ugly, blah blah blah by like 99% of my classmates from like grade 1 to grade 9 my self-esteem when it comes to shit like this is unsurprisingly pretty fucking abysmal! So every time I go to post something new I spend way too long hovering over that upload button convinced that this is the fic that will convince everyone that I'm actually a terrible writer and they won't like me anymore lol

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Never had to use it before myself but it's neat when done... not right or well but, like, done to achieve something you've planned out. I'm not sure what ways I would use it myself, I think it would depend on what use I need it to have in the story itself.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Oh Class of the Titans easy. Inuyasha is where I discovered fanfiction, but CotT is what inspired me to try it out for myself (my first attempt was uh, not great aksdjklasjdlkasj)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh god, there's a tough question lol. Uh, probably between Baby It's Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don't let go) and Artificial though. Both are my babies, but Baby It's Cold Outside is the fic that finally started me writing again regularly since middle school after a like almost ten year drought. And Artificial is the one where I finally got to really sink my teeth into what makes my outlast au actually outlast and really get to experience a bunch of shit I had never really written before (torture (physical and psychological), whump, body trauma) and it turns out it was a lot of fun sdlkajsldkjaslkdj

Oh god I have to tag people to do this now don't I? Uhhhhh, @chris-hartley, @icequeen-07, @hannahwashington, @eurazba but if there's anyone else who follows me that wants to do this than please by all means go ahead! Share your work with the rest of us 💖

#god i'm so tired #i've been up for almost 24 hours now #so it this seems a little more trauma dumping than usual that's probably why aksdjalksjdljsad

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n7punk · 1 year ago

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Hey there! Good evenin!

I wanted to ask for advice on posting AI3 stories on here? I’ve noticed you and other artists I favorite doing it for some time but I’ve never really gotten the hang of figuring it out for myself.

(well, tumblr gave me two notifications but only showed me one anon so... hope you're the only one LOL). I assume that's a typo for AO3 and not the crime of AI generating 3 stories XD

okay, so I'm guessing you're looking for tips on how to effectively share fics in a useful/concise way? i don't know what a lot of other people do since the fanfic authors i follow on tumblr dont usually make share posts, but i can talk about my thought process i guess.

i share the way i do because i used to write my fics direct on tumblr (which was fine when they were like 1k one shots and doesn't work for pretty much anything else). i had to include all the information someone might want at the start of a post by necessity. when i started sharing fics from ao3, i continued providing the same information with some changes/additions because like, if that's what they wanted to know to read it on tumblr, they probably want it in order to click through to another site too. i know a lot of people who post direct on tumblr will just include like two lines like [- ship name - prompt/summary (some people skip even this & just. pls. include it) - read more] but that's really not enough for me to read something new unless i already like the author.

(side bar: for long projects, i generally do one share post at the beginning and one at the end, occasionally with another halfway through if it's especially long. i used to do them every chapter but that's just Annoying (for me, people in the tags, and my followers probably) but i update really frequently, so if it's been 2 months since the last chapter, go for a new share post, why not.)

anyway this is my general formatting notes that led to how i do my posts:

either start with or end with the link. you can type a regular title/"Read here on AO3!" and make it a hyperlink, or include one of the embedded links tumblr has.

IF YOU USE AN EMBED LINK: for multichapter fics, it will title it only as "Show Chapter" which is totally unhelpful. ao3 links are roughly formatted as "ao3.org/works/[workID]/chapters/[chapterID]". you need to delete the "/chapters/[chapterID]" part to have it display the embed link the same as it does with one shots, with the fic title, author pseud, and "AO3" stuff. This will make the link title actually helpful!

think of what information you would need if you were browsing ao3 instead of tumblr. you would usually be in a fandom, character, or ship's tag, so that's going to be the most important information you want to be sure you include and get out first, since it's often the first qualifying/disqualifying factor for people looking at fics. personally, i include fandom and ship because those two characters will be the obvious focus and all the others can be found on the actual ao3 post. if it's not a ship fic, then you can list major character(s) instead (also, you can list ship as "Gen" for general, non-shippy fic).

obviously you need a summary (seriously, you need a summary. even if it's bad, or one sentence, put something), but if there's other stats you want to include (like how i do the rating - which i think is important - and chapter/word count) you might want to put those ahead of the summary just to keep things visually neater. what you view as important will vary.

if you want to literally copy what i do i dont give 2 shits lmao. if you like some things about it but would change others, go for it. to me, your hitlist of information should be: fandom, ship/characters, work title, and fic summary. pseuds can be skipped, especially if its the same as your tumblr name, but i generally include it. i think rating is important, and i include something indicating length since thats a big decision factor in when/if i read what fics, but it's not so important in a share post because ideally, if they're interested in the summary, they'll at least open the fic and add it to their saved for later if its too long for that moment, and they'll see word count then

#hopefully this is helpful im having a fireworks-induced migraine rn so coherency is questionable #ask #anon

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trying414 · 1 year ago

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20 questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @talkstoself

1. How many works do you have on A03?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

102,210

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Miraculous Ladybug, Batman, and Maribat, but I've been known to dip into Doctor Who, Austin & Ally, and the Thundermans (though the Austin & Ally can only be found in the Internet Archive because middle-school-me was wild. And it has a different username so happy hunting lmao)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone 4. 1 - Sofa 3. 7 - Breeding Kink (Honorable Mention: Babies) 2. Buzz Buzz Bitch 1. Tag Teamed on the Tower (I really should have seen that cumming)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Because I feel guilty if I don't Because I don't honestly get a ton, so I can't be overwhelmed by it. If I was a big name, maybe I wouldn't reply to as many, but I don't get a ton, so I find it easier to handle. This is not me fishing for comments, I swear. I'm just as guilty of not commenting (I'm trying to do better, but I don't always remember, and I don't always have it in me. I do always kudos, though). I write for me (mostly), but if you enjoy it, great! If not, to each their own. But never feel obligated to comment on my fics. I would rather you read and say nothing than feel stressed/guilty for not commenting.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

...hm. Considering the majority of my fics are either unfinished or prompted oneshots, I don't have a lot with angsty endings. I do have a lot with angst, though. Angsty ending? Hm. I'm going to have to go with I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again with the ending thing 😂 It doesn't help that a lot of them are open-ended. And what kind of happy are we talking? Happy😁 or Happy 😏? But also you've asked one of the most indecisive people on the planet. The last one was easier. The whole thing is angst. (And I generally try to stick to happier/hopeful endings.) This, though? Pass. Someone else pick.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on AO3? But AO3 is also bigger, and I don't post a lot. I live in my dark little corner on the interweb. I think most of the hate I've gotten was on FFN, and even then, I don't get a lot. Perks of writing for big fandoms, updating inconsistently, and generally having shorter fics. You get lost in the mix. (This is not a brag, but it's also not a complaint. I'm happy in my corner. Well...I'm content. Not ecstatic, not suffering.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lots of smut. Does it all get posted? No 😂 Half, no, more than half of it doesn't even get written. You can guess on the kind. I have things that I won't write, but I feel like those are pretty limited. If I don't know it and it isn't a limit, I would probably at least try. (Ex: my most popular fic is a threesome, which I've never had, with a hemipene, which I've also never dealt with (I mean in the toy sense, I know human people do not have hemis.))

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't write a lot of them. I'm just dipping my toes into writing them (for now, solely Maribat). I've had a shit ton of ideas for them (years ago I had one for a Doctor Who x H2O: Just Add Water fic, but that remains an idea in my OneDrive)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it. I'm a singular grain of sand in a whole beach of authors. I'm harder to find, and I'm certainly not well-written enough for it. (At least, not to me.)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Sounds scary. :)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

As a general life rule, I don't have favorites lmao. Mostly because I'm indecisive as hell. Minimally because then something will be left out.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Gonna steal TalksToSelf's answer and go with: All of them 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

Porn. Porn and Depression. Angst. Occasionally fluff. Mostly Porn, though.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Flow. Word variation. Consistency. Inspiration/Motivation. I could go on, but those are enough for now.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Mostly, I'll write in italics/bold/(not quotes but I'm blanking... the two different apostrophes???)'these' and indicate what it was spoken in, but if it's a singular word/phrase, like a nickname, I normally just use the word itself, with an explanation for it at some point in the fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Austin & Ally

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I do not have a favorite child. I love and hate them all equally.

No pressure tagging @hamsteriffic @miraculouslymundane @littlemourningstar @izanae @boldlyanxious ... I'm done. Someone else take over tagging people.

#tag games #trying414 #trying414writes #trying414 writes #trying414's writing #my writing #fanfictions #fanfics #fanfic #trying414's fanfics #idk #i'm done tagging lmfao

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umilily · 1 year ago

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I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL I am FREE hi it's shoe :]

I saw your himeru nui!! Darling little thing...i also saw your big merch bundle!! I ordered a big bundle of merch a few weeks ago and it should be here by September! Mostly due to me having to buy from a overseas seller bc I got CN merch and all but I'm very excited nevertheless!

Anywhooo how are you? How are things lately? And do you have any writing ideas and prompts as of lately? I've been thinking about getting back into writing since I'm free now hehe

- shoe

Hey shoe :)

Congrats on being done! So was this your last year/semester in general or are you on holiday now?

Ah, yesss… he’s finally home <3 i was honestly surprised that the shipping worked so flawlessly. Usually my mail gets trapped in customs for at least a week, but i guess the people at the office were extra motivated and checked everything in just a day. What merch did you get? I never ordered anything from CN, but i can imagine the process must be complicated. I hope September and your package arrives quickly :) imo, waiting for mail is always both the most exciting and excruciating thing lmao

I am currently fighting with my dorm management to get the wifi fixed before the weekend. It’s a struggle. I got a bunch of lab reports to write until the end of next week and really need to get some work done over the weekend, so i hope they’ll take care of the issue today. Some more exams… the usual pretty much… counting down the days to my last exam and thus freedom…

As for writing, i have more than enough WIPs (what else is new), but mainly I am currently working on the next fic for the butler AU. Actually I have been doing so on and off since February, but I either had too much work or writers block, so it took ages. I’d say I’m about 75% there and I’ll be so glad once I’m done with this. I don’t even know anymore whether i like the fic or not, but I’ve put way too much work into it not to finish it, so I’m powering through. Other than that, i do want to write something for Kaname’s/oremeru‘s birthday. The fic was originally meant to be for tojou week back in may, but i was so busy during that time that i decided to just postpone it. Hopefully I’ll manage to finish it until the 7th. If not… oh well…

If you do get back into writing and feel comfortable to share, I’d love to read it! I could really use reading something other than scientific papers for a change lol

Anyways, hope you’re doing well, shoe, and enjoy your time off! It wasps nice to hear from you, take care! <3

#lily answers #shoe anon

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seangelfish · 8 months ago

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YOU WOULD BE WRONG ACTUALLY ‼️ im not from either of those but i do have family in scotland and am half scottish although you wouldnt guess it 😞🙏

YOU SOUND LIKE YOURE SPONSORED BY BUYEE IT MAKES ME LAUGH, the whole free shipping for 2000 yen really sells it at the end so i believe i may just have to look into using it 👁️👁️

THE PRICES ARE SO SURPRISING CAUSE KNIGHTS IS FAIRLY POPULAR ??? and also leo is a really popular character but his merch can be so fairly priced but also crying about the ritsu merch BOOO LET ME JUST HAVE THEM BOTH 😡🫵❌

oh my god also my merch i ordered came the other day THERES SO MUCH like a whole load of arashi pashas, a lot of izumi merch, some misc knights merch and then 2wink merch BUT I GOT LEO PINS THAT CAN GO IN MY SILLY LITTLE BEAR BAG OF HIS hes such a cutie

ainon has also unfortunately fallen ill aughhh big L on my part 😞😞 its probably just like a really bad cold or flu so ill be up and alive again in a few days i just havent left bed the whole weekend

the recent fics ALSO AUGUGUHHUH YOU 🫵🫵🫵 never fail to impress im so serious !! the tatsumi flower prompts were so sweet ahhh AND THE JEALOUS HCS RINNE THINKS HES SOOOO FUNNY 👎👎👎 but i also did giggle at his stupid behaviour hes so goofy i love him

CONGRATS ON REACHING 300 FOLLOWERS YOU DESERVE THEM ALL !!! the 300 followers event sounds so interesting and id love to know more about it !!!

- ainon ᡣ𐭩

Wow, then I have no idea LOL those are all my guesses... o(TヘTo)

I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF THAT WHENEVER I TRY TO GET MY MOOTS TO USE BUYEE LMAO they should really sponsor me, I'm bringing in BUSINESS! ( ` ꒳ ´ )✧ But it's really good. The first merch I bought on Buyee was a Kanata Shinkai badge set! Also, if you're buying multiple items, always consolidate when they all reach the warehouse so you won't need to pay shipping everytime!

Omg, that sounds like such a cute haul!! 🥺💕 I wish I could see them, haha! <3

Aw, hope you get well soon, ainon! I've been sick for the last 4 weeks LMAO but it's finally clearing up now. So just get some rest!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It was kind of hard writing for Tatsumi, so I'm really glad you liked it! The Rinne one haha he really is goofy LOL

AND THANK YOU AGAIN!! 🥺💖💖💖 The event announcement is posted so you can check that out! Hopefully I see you request something for the event. You're literally like one of my OGs on this blog 😭💕

#sil's inbox #anon mail #ainon

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amethystdarkwolf · 3 years ago

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Broken

AU: X Ship: Poly of Eijiro Kirishima, Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Denki Kaminari, Hanta Sero, and Hitoshi Shinso (This was easier than typing out all the pairings) Prompt: X Requested by: X Warnings: Internalized Acephobia, mentions of sex, non con like elements (Nothing happens though it is mentioned), insecurities and fears of breaking up. If I missed any please let me know! Summary: Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities. But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken. F/A/H-C: Hurt/Comfort POV: 3rd, following Eijiro. Word Count: 3,735 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Side Note: Hi, I’m finally back to writing fics, even though it’s for a different fandom now, it’s still something lmao. I may come back to writing Sanders Sides eventually but we shall see. Let me know what you think of it! And I hope you enjoy!

They are all 3rd years and about to graduate UA! I wasn’t sure if that was considered an au or not but they are of legal age! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eijiro knew there was something about him that was different from his other classmates. Originally he had just blamed all the weirdly delayed interest in any girls, moreso any talk of ‘hooking up’, on him being gay once he finally figured that out.

But then the thoughts he thought he should have about guys, about doing things with guys never came either. He knew that he found guys attractive, obviously, he developed the biggest crush on two of the most powerful students in his class incredibly quickly after seeing both of their strengths, but whenever he thought about them, about being with them. Nothing sexual came from it. He’s a teenager he should be having these thoughts right?

He heard Denki talking about some of the guys in the class at one point, saying how hot a few of them were. And, well, Eijiro could agree, however when Denki started going into more detail about what he saw in the locker room, the redhead went silent. He couldn’t see anyone like that, not even two of his most prominent crushes. Was there something wrong?

He was not able to figure it out until their third year of high school. Now in a relationship that consisted of seven total. Polyamory was a thing introduced to him by Izuku once they had started dating and Eijiro realized he still had feelings for Katsuki after quite some time. He was overjoyed that Izuku had shown him that, moreso that he and Katsuki both agreed to it.

Not too long later, Izuku realized his feelings for Shoto, and Denki. Eijiro came to these realizations himself later. Denki then had feelings for both Hanta and Hitoshi. After quite a while of this, everyone in the poly was dating everyone. Which made things both a little less complicated and a little more complicated.

Eijiro loved his partners. He loved them more than life itself. They were more than accepting of any eccentricities of each other, which is to be expected from a poly of seven different personalities.

But he didn’t know if they would accept him when they realized he was broken.

He didn’t start off thinking like that. He just thought he was taking longer than everyone else to develop these kinds of feelings towards the others. Denki and Hanta using obviously suggestive flirting with one another while the group was together was to be expected. Then Hitoshi joined in, then Katsuki, Shoto, and eventually Izuku was making remarks that can and were meant to be taken in a not so innocent way.

Eijiro laughed along with these jokes, he understood them and was fine with them. So he thought there was nothing wrong with him. It wasn’t until the words turned into actions that he came to the realization about himself.

Katsuki and him were both incredibly physical with their fighting styles. So it’s only natural that every once in a while, their very playful spats would turn into wrestling matches in one of their rooms.

It was later into the night, a majority of the students were either asleep or down in the common area. Eijiro smirked as he managed to pin Katsuki down onto the floor, his hands grabbed his wrists keeping them pinned beside his head, using his quirk to ensure they stayed there. Both of the boys were a little out of breath panting in eachother's faces.

Eijiro wasn’t thinking about what position they were in. The fact that he was on top of Katsuki, kneeling on either side of the others lower body was lost on him. Until he realized Katsuki wasn’t continuing to struggle. As the pairs of red eyes met one another, Eijiro noticed the look in his partner’s. They were slightly darkened yet hazy. A look that he recognized instantly.

The same look he had given Denki before he had pinned him against the wall, marked up his neck so much that the bruises were left for at least two weeks. There was probably more to that story that he hadn’t quite heard, or had subconsciously tuned out due to the nature of it.

A sickening feeling of panic bubbled up in his stomach, along with a feeling of near disgust. The second he realized it, he jerked away, scrambling off of his boyfriend with a nervous laugh. “Ha! Gotcha, man!” He prayed Katsuki wouldn’t pick up on the tremble of his voice. Katsuki’s expression immediately changed from the look he had before, to one of confusion. He was silent as he seemed to examine the redhead.

Eijiro had gotten really good at reading Katsuki’s expressions, but there was one he was never able to quite pinpoint. Katsuki’s blank expression. None of his normal anger that seemed to constantly reside on his face, no annoyance, no smugness, absolutely nothing. That was the expression most of his partners tended to worry about when it showed up, just because it was so unreadable.

That was the expression Kirishima was met with after the confusion seemed to fade.

“Right.” Katsuki mumbled.

Eijiro glanced around the room quickly, looking for anything to change the topic or clear the awkward air around them. His eyes caught his bookbag and he grinned, “Oh hey, would you mind uh, helping me study again? I’m getting a little hung up on how some of the equations work.” Please work, please work, please work.

It did and it didn’t.

Katsuki hummed, the annoyance finally reading on his face once again. He knew something was up, but he knew that Eijiro was trying to hide it, he could tell. But despite that, he nodded, “Fine. What is it?”

There was going to be a talk later. It was going to be asked, Eijiro could tell. But now it wasn’t happening. He could only hope that he would have some explanation once the talk did happen.

----

He did come to an explanation. A much worse one than he hoped he would come to and in a much worse way.

He thought he had it figured out. That he was just awkward about it since he had never tried it, the position he had gotten Katsuki in was weird and that’s all it was. Maybe it would stop being like that once he was prepared to take that step with his partners. They had all waited for one another to be ready before trying anything at all so he figured it would be fine.

That’s all he thought it was.

Like Katsuki and Eijiro’s playful wrestling matches, Denki and him had something very similar. Only, they were often brought on by Kirishima winning in whatever game they were playing, and Denki tackling him, which led to more of a tickle fight than anything. Both laughing and giggling as they rolled around on the floor.

Golden eyes met red ones once they calmed down, the electric boy was now above him. Easily Eijiro could push him off, but he was still too giddy from the childlike roll around they had just had to even think about it. Denki leaned down once he caught his breath, placing a small chaste kiss onto Eijiro’s lips. Another small laugh leaving him before he repeated the process.

Eijiro was fine with this, this was sweet. He returned the kisses gladly, not at all complaining even when it progressed to a full makeout session. This didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. This didn’t make him have that feeling of panic and disgust. Maybe he was better now! Maybe he’s finally over whatever that was!

He should have known not to be so hopeful.

He leaned up on his elbows a little, feeling like he couldn’t get enough of his boyfriend’s kiss. He didn’t stop Denki when the other’s hands began to wander down his chest. This felt okay, this felt nice. This was just Denki being touchy. He was used to it.

Until it wasn’t just that.

Denki’s hand wandered down, down further past Eijiro’s stomach, as it made its way closer and closer, that feeling came back. Bubbling up much worse than last time, the thought came too quickly, the thought of any of his partners touching him like that, made him immediately tense up. Finally he was getting those thoughts he thought he should have been getting, but now instead of getting aroused by them, all he felt was that gross, uncomfortable and panicky feeling.

He finally snapped out of his own thoughts when he felt a small shock course through him. He blinked a couple times, feeling hot tears falling down his face. His body was shaking, and in front of him, he saw those golden eyes again. Looking at him with so much worry.

Eijiro drew his hand away from Denki’s wrist quickly. When had he grabbed him? “Eijiro!” He managed to register that his boyfriend was talking to him. It took him a moment longer to gather his voice enough to respond, “w-wh… what happened?”

Denki looked even more confused, “You tell me! I-dude I would’ve stopped! You were just suddenly shaking and crying and you jerked my arm away from you! Are you okay?”

Eijiro nodded after a moment, “Yeah, Yeah sorry, I just kinda freaked out I guess?” That was the only way he could explain it, though it was obvious enough that Denki knew that much. Denki’s expressions were much easier to read than Katsuki. Which only made it that much easier to see the confusion and worry now be joined by hurt.

“Did… Did you not think I’d stop?” He sounded just as petrified as Eijiro felt currently. Eijiro shook his head immediately, “No! No! I mean-Yes! I knew you would have stopped! I trust you! I just wasn't thinking, I guess…? I don’t really know.”

Denki nodded, seemingly content with that answer. “Okay, dude. Uh, do you wanna keep playing?” Gesturing over to the forgotten Switch. Eijiro smiled a little and nodded, “Yeah! Can’t wait to kick your ass again!” He said hitting his fists together.

The blonde grinned, immediately returning back to his normal happy self. “Oh whatever! That last round was a total flub! Doesn’t count!”

That night, Eijiro rested his head against his pillow, his mind racing through the events of the day. Something that hadn’t quite clicked in his head finally did. “I trust you” was what he had said in reassuring Denki. Which was true, he trusted all of his partners, he couldn’t have a relationship if he didn’t.

But, if he couldn’t even bear the thought of the people he trusted with his life, he loved with all of his heart, to touch him like that… Then that wasn’t the problem. Being awkward and nervous wasn’t the explanation. Not being ready wasn’t the explanation.

Finally he accepted it as tears came to his eyes. “I’m never going to be ready for it…” he murmured to himself. “I’m never going to want that.”

It made sense, he had never liked the idea before, never thought about it before, and now that it was almost thrown in his face (On accident, Denki of course didn’t know he felt like this and Eijiro couldn’t blame him). He panicked. He wasn’t afraid of it. It didn’t make him nervous. It made him uncomfortable.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach, as a sob left his mouth. He wasn’t like any of his partners, he wasn’t like anyone in the class, hell he didn’t even know if there was a possibility of anyone like him being at the school. He’s Broken.

Quickly remembering that Katsuki was right next door, he grabbed a pillow, biting it in order to muffle himself.

He was broken, he didn’t feel the things he was supposed to. He didn’t want the things his partners wanted. What most people consider a crucial part of a relationship he couldn’t even think about without feeling sick.

It hurt, it hurt and ached every part of his being. His partners were all accepting, but they’ll want that. He’d be a horrible partner to deny them something that they’d consider important in the relationship. Why would they bother sticking with him if he wasn’t enough? If he couldn’t make them fully happy what was the point?

How vividly he could imagine their faces made it so much worse. Izuku would smile softly, try to let Eijiro down slowly, probably even apologizing. Katsuki would be annoyed, thinking he wasn’t tough enough to handle it. Denki would think it was funny and ridiculous. Hanta would be confused, who wouldn’t want to have sex with their partners? Shoto wouldn’t really have any glaring expression, just a simple sigh of dissatisfaction, and Hitoshi would just roll his eyes, like Eijiro had been a waste of time.

He was pretty sure he had torn open his pillow at this point, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He never wanted to see them like that. He never wanted to lose them just because he was broken. He was supposed to be unbreakable after all! He needed to fix it. There had to be some way to keep that from happening.

A terrifying thought crossed his mind.

‘If I just force myself through it once, with one of them, and then it’ll be fine after that.’

It made him feel sick again, thinking about it. He wouldn’t want it, and he knew his partners would stop and question if they noticed how uncomfortable he was. He sniffled as he continued to debate on it, it would make him feel disgusting, gross and uncomfortable, but it would only be for a little while, and then after that, he could keep his partners, and make sure they’re happy.

That’s what was most important.

---

He made out a little plan, to try to get himself to go through with this. In his mind it was like training. Trying to think of what he thought of that day with Denki without tensing up. Or at least learning how to hide it. Trying to convince himself that ‘it’ll feel good. It’ll feel good.’ The shaking he wasn’t able to get under control, he could blame that on nervousness though, right?

He knew which partner he was going to try to initiate this with. The one he had been with the longest. Izuku. He was so sweet, gentle and kind, but was incredibly strong and determined. It would feel safe, comfortable, right? It had to, it was Izuku.

If Izuku said no, he would go to Katsuki, who he knew would have no problems taking the lead if he teased a little, he would be a lot more to deal with than Izuku though, but if it’ll work then he had to do it. If that didn’t work he would go to Denki, then Hanta, then Shoto and then Hitoshi. Hopefully, Izuku would say yes. He loved and trusted all of his partners, but it would be easiest to handle with Izuku.

-----

It started off a lot like the other two mishaps. Just some playful roughhousing ending with Eijiro pinning Izuku. Eijiro tried desperately to hide any hint of feeling off, looking up to Izuku’s eyes quickly before kissing him.

Izuku returned the kiss, and he was both a little surprised and not surprised at all that Izuku was the one to push it to a makeout session. He was hesitating a little and Izuku seemed to be enjoying this. Good. Good. He was doing good.

He remembered what Denki did with his hands, how he touched him and tried to mimic that on Izuku as best as he could. The memory however, caused that feeling to bubble up again. As he began tracing Izuku’s thighs through the shorts he was wearing, an arm on his own stopped him. He swallowed and looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Ei…?” His voice was so soft and gentle.

Eijiro pulled his hands away immediately, “S-sorry, was I-do you not want-I didn’t mean to-” Everything was crumbling. He could feel the barriers he put up beginning to crack and break. The feeling was only getting worse. He’d have to go to Katsuki.

Izuku shook his head, “No! I-I do, want that! Just… you’re shaking…?”

Eijiro gave a little fake laugh, “Ah! I’m just, kinda nervous, don’t wanna mess this up.” He lied through his teeth. Izuku smiled so gently again, “Don’t worry too much, it’s okay, I’m here.” he murmured comfortingly, the hand that had grabbed Eijiro’s forearm moved down to hold his hand.

The redhead let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.” The sickening feeling only bubbled up once more once he continued. Now placing kisses down Izuku’s neck, while his hand went back to tracing up and down his boyfriend’s body.

He could feel the trembling get worse. He tried to swallow down the panic that was trying to force itself through him as he scraped his teeth against Izuku’s neck. He reached a spot right where his neck and shoulder meet that made Izuku breathe heavier, and whine, right next to Eijiro’s ear. He had no chance.

Hearing the sound was so different than just the touch. With the touch he could try to think of something else to keep from breaking, but with that noise it shot him right back. Making him realize exactly what he was doing. Exactly what he was about to force himself to do. It was too much. It was all too much.

The barrier broke.

The tears and sick feeling he had been trying to hold back now came in full force. He withdrew his hands from Izuku but kept his face in his neck for a moment as he let the tears fall. Izuku tensed under him. Strong arms immediately came to wrap around him. “Ei?” he asked again. His voice sounded so much more panicked than before.

Sounded like Denki did, concern, worry and panic.

Eijiro shook his head, “I-I’m… I’m so sorry, Izuku. I tried, I really did. But I can’t.” the words managed to get choked out between sobs. “I can’t do it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m broken.”

He couldn’t see Izuku’s face, but with the silence he could only imagine what he had thought of when he first came up with this plan. The soft smile, ready to let him down slow. To end things with him. He deserved it anyways, for not being enough. He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see it when he felt Izuku start to pull away.

Suddenly he was being picked up, and placed on the bed. “Ei… Look at me, please.” Izuku’s voice was shaking, that he wouldn’t pick up until later. But he didn’t need to. Once he finally managed to open his eyes and look at Izuku’s face. The thought of Izuku letting him down slow with that smile vanished instantly.

Izuku had tears in his eyes too. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to hold him more at that moment. “Please, just breathe, okay? Then we can talk, I’m just confused.” He was more than confused. Eijiro could see it. But he accepted that for now. And slowly worked through calming himself down from the panic attack.

He looked back at Izuku and nodded, “‘m okay to talk now…”

Izuku smiled at him, genuinely luckily, and nodded back. “Okay, please tell me what you meant by that…?”

Eijiro looked off to the side, not wanting to meet those sad green eyes again as he gathered his thoughts to explain.

“I never, ever really, felt anything like that towards anyone. Whenever I’d get a crush, I couldn’t even imagine anything like that with them… This is just how I’ve been. And I just thought that eventually, I’d get those feelings. They didn’t come. And when I fell for all of you, I thought, okay maybe once I’m comfortable with them, maybe it’s just because I’m nervous at the thought of it that it was like that… But I am comfortable with all of you, I trust all of you.”

He sniffled, rubbing at his eye as he could feel more tears threatening to spill.

“I realized that I probably won’t ever want to do anything like that. Or be comfortable with it. Even when it came to you guys, any thought of that I felt… Gross and uncomfortable and panicky. But, I know a lot of people, most people say that that is an important part in a relationship. And-And I didn’t… Didn’t want to be a bad boyfriend. I want you guys to be happy and satisfied and content and… all of that… and if you all wanted that to be happy, then… you wouldn’t want me…”

“Eijiro…” Izuku’s voice was barely above a whisper, in more shock than actually wanting to get his attention or stop his talking.

“So I thought, maybe. Maybe if I can just bare it once. Then I’d stop feeling that way. But, I-I couldn’t… so…” He finally let the tears fall as he shrugged. That was the end, he was expecting Izuku to agree with him. But when he looked up at Izuku’s face.

There were tears falling at a rapid pace down his pretty freckled cheeks, his mouth was slightly open in shock. “Eijiro… Can-Can I hug you?” Eijiro barely let him finish his sentence before he practically lept at Izuku. Holding him tightly, Izuku held him just as tight.

“You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel like that, it doesn’t matter. None of us will think any less of you for that. We love you. It isn’t about sex or anything! We love you. Please, please don’t force yourself, if one day you do feel okay to try then that’s okay! If not? Then that’s also okay. You aren’t broken, Eijiro. You’re perfect.”

Eijiro sobbed as Izuku spoke, murmuring ‘Thank you’s and ‘I love you’s between breaths and sobs. They stayed like that until both of them fell into a comfortable silence. Cuddling and holding one another, perfectly content.

That night Izuku introduced him to a new term. One that meant exactly what Eijiro had thought was him being ‘broken’. The term was ‘Asexual’. He wasn’t broken, he wasn’t wrong, he’s Asexual.

Now, many years later, as a pro-hero that is married to his partners, Eijiro wears that label with pride.

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authorjoydragon · 3 years ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

I’ve seen this floating around so I’m stealing it. (Even though I should be doing like anything else rn.)

How many works do you have on AO3?

41, but that’s across five different fandoms.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

214,041 and I’ve got more on FF but too lazy to try to figure that number out lol

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Fairy Tail, Voltron Legendary Defenders, Miraculous Ladybug, Avatar: The Last Airbender and Legend of Korra. I’m thinking about writing for My Hero Academia, just haven’t had any good ideas yet. (I have the inklings of a kacchako fic started in my head)

I have written Harry Potter and How to Train Your Dragon fanfic.... I just never posted those and I have no plans to lol.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Interruptions (ATLA) at 486 kudos

Accidental Rendezvous (ATLA) at 463 kudos

The Cat’s Out of the Bag (MLB) at 396 kudos

Happily Ever After? (ATLA) at 291 kudos

Tumblr Requests (ATLA/LOK) at 261 kudos

I think my stuff on FF has more likes but I’m too lazy to look.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Uhh I sometimes do? Sometimes I don’t have anything to say back LOL if someone has a really excited or detailed comment I’m more likely to respond.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh definitely any of the prompts from Taangst Week. That shit hurted.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I’ll be honest, most of my fics have happy endings bc I’m a sucker for fluff. The one that sticks out to me most is On The Precipice, that whole fic was just the sweetest thing I have ever written.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Crossovers are really not my thing. I’ve had many people ask me to do crossovers, and I just... don’t want to, I’m sorry. They’re fun to think and talk about but actually writing it would be a lot of work and time. And I’m just not really that into it, ya know? Maybe if I collabed, I would do it. But eh.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Lol, yep. Wish people would keep some thoughts to themselves. It’s v easy to go read something else!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh yeah, I think I’m mostly known for my smut writing actually. As for the type? Um, sexy and funny is my niche I guess? People have told me it’s hot as hell and I mix in fluff, realism, and comedy really well. I’ll take it lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. It sucks.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so. I’ve had a few people ask if they can at least, and I told them to credit/link me. I’m not sure if they did but I hope so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@gimmezutara and I talked about collabing on a FRIENDS-esque ATLA fic, if we ever get around to it LMAO

And I’m always down to give people ideas and suggestions!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

What a hard question wah! Currently I’d say Taang.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh you mean all of them?

Sksksk uhhh probably the first thing I posted for ATLA. A fic titled Almost Lovers. It’s a lot of conflict and angst and I’m not great at writing those so... Not sure if I’ll ever write it the way I want it written.

What are your writing strengths?

I am great at dialogue and actions. And I think I’m pretty good at making people feel what the characters feel.

What are you writing weaknesses?

Hands down any kind of scene setting/world building. Just not my forte.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it’s called for I think it’s fine. I’ve done it before for a bilingual character, and I make sure to translate correctly. (Of course if it’s not, feel free to let me know so I can fix it!) I don’t do complex sentences in hopes it’s not translated wrong.

I’ve read lots of fics with other languages too, and I like it when the author includes the translations at the bottom :)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Fairy Tail! I miss it sometimes.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Ooooh, tough one. I enjoy my writing, I like to go back and read it myself. I’d say my faves are On The Precipice and Happily Ever After. They’re fluffy and sweet and slow burn. I’m really proud of them!

Tagging: @gimmezutara @thesavagedaughter0627 @evergreenonthehorizon

#writer things #author interview #authorjoydragon #my fics

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ellstersmash · 3 years ago

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fic writer ao3 questionnaire thingy

tagged by @bearlytolerant and @ejunkiet for this 💙 thx buddies

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

79,572

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

these are all solavellan which I guess is not surprising... but to be fair, my mass effect fics just missed the cut

three (modern!au WIP that could technically be finished where I left it but needs a rewrite bc i started it before i learned how to make more thoughtful choices)

nothing on my tongue (collection of playlist-inspired <500 word vignettes that sort of work as a whole story)

awake, alive (two-shot ? about not-kissing in the rain. *smacks the roof* this bad boy can fit so much romantic and sexual tension in it)

the naughty list (a very smutty christmas fic, and another two-shot)

waking up (post-trespasser prompt fill about kissin your not-ex-boyfriend to help him see how dumb he's being)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes, I do. commenting can be intimidating when you don't know the writer, so in that case it feels disrespectful not to even acknowledge the effort. same with extensive comments. and oftentimes the commenter brings up questions or points out interesting moments that you can then have mo re of a conversation about.

honestly comments aren't about the compliments (though those are always nice to hear), they're about the connection. I wrote this, you read it. we both want to feel seen. consider my response an acknowledgement of our connection.

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

principles, which is just a one-shot so the whole thing is angsty, but it definitely ends even less happily than nomt...

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

probably three, but since the last chapter is technically not the ending... I think to the water (smutty dragon age OCxOC indulgence) takes it! it is also, coincidentally, some of my tightest writing.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written?

i do not. i don't generally love reading or writing them tbh

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope, but there's always tomorrow!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i sure do, but uh what kind? the um... the quick and snappy kind where you hope to squeeze at least a little heat out of those 600 words? idfk

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i am aware of

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i am aware of

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not that i am awa- wait, yes! i collaborated with my past self on not to keep, a shenko fake-dating one-shot that I wrote most of in 2017!! lol ok but like with other people, no.

13. What's your all-time favorite ship?

well that's not a fair question to ask. how about top three: mayo, solathi, and bethistair

14. What's a WIP that you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?

i mean there's always some hope, but.. arlathan!au. 🥀rip

15. What are your writing strengths?

being concise: i try to be efficient with my word choice, and cram a lot of characterization/meaning into a handful of words

i think i hit a decent balance of description, action, dialogue, and interiority?

giving certain sentences that satisfying cadence

im good at beginnings. fuck endings tho

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue. im a lot better than i used to be, but still struggle with it

i don't understand smut and it doesn't understand me

my stamina is shit!!! which is why i write small things and that works fine but when i occasionally want to write something long (beach fic my love) i get overwhelmed and discouraged.

im just.. not that creative lmao this head is empty

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i do not do it, but all the best to ppl who do ig. hopefully someone knows how to do it well... once i read a longfic that did this sort of a lot and the translations were all in the chapter end notes on ao3 and it was such a PAIN to scroll down then find my place again

but i just don't do it bc im lazy :}

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

newsies lmao (which came out when i was 3! never been on time to a fandom in my life ✌🏻😌)

19. What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

uhhhhh well right now i am most satisfied with anybody's hands (pre-relationship mayo), but like the writing of be gentle with me (also mayo), but am most proud of nothing on my tongue. idk which would be considered my favorite.

idk who hasn't been tagged yet but @thevikingwoman, @boshtet-juggler, @kittlesandbugs, @ladymdc, and @writer-ish, if you've done this will you pls tag me in it so i can see?? and the rest of yall if you got this far and have stuff on ao3 i am BEGGING you to say i tagged you pls i do not even care if we're mutuals or not

#ellster speaks #fic writer tag game #gotta say it bugs me there's no 20 #these are the same ppl that leave the volume at 11 huh

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blizabrth · 3 years ago

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wip junk

tag games, am i right!? i always lose track of these lol, oops haha. i was tagged by @sothischickshe to gesture vaguely about my wips. i have a lot more wishful wips than this, but these are the ones that i am either currently toying with and/or have Actual Substance thusfar:

A VERY ACTIVE IMAGINATION

i was originally dabbling with this as a longer-form fic, but when i had stepped back for a bit and returned to it, i realized what i had was best as separate vignettes, so i started posting these little fantasies recently under a series. also selfishly because i was overthinking too much and started to doubt what i was writing, so i really just wanted to post things and put them out there to be read. ANYWAY! the next installation i'm working on is 'the dealership', where beth fantasizes about all the dirty, dirty things she and rio could get up to within those glass walls... (what's that about throwing stones?) after that i have thoughts on creating vignettes focusing on The Loft and The Gun, and others, but those are the two subjects that are prominent in planning right now.

THE THORN

@sothischickshe sent in an intimacy prompt a million years ago for "kissing scars" and it's become a monster of a rio character study. the problem is, i'm not sure if i can pull it off? to me, rio is suuuuper emotional. and i know we like to talk about how repressed beth is but like damn look at rio lmao, king doesn't know how to communicate for shit either. as i've worked on this draft, a handful of ~flashbacks have happened too, which are daunting. i explore rio's self-confidence and try to break that down from his perspective; i also attempt to explain the very conservative wardrobe we've seen post-s2 finale. ultimately, it's a complicated wip that i've been toying with a lot. but i recently took a little break from looking at it and then came back last night to read what i had and liked it so! i guess that's promising. hopefully i can finish a first draft and move forward lol.

OUROBOROS (working title lol)

i wanted this to be a simple pwp featuring some in vino veritas... and i GUESS it still is, technically, because they still just go to town on each other but there's also a lot of other working parts that i'm trying to get right. i'm not sure when in the timeline this happens? probably somewhere in an ideal season 3 where the death divorce actually happens or something, idk. anyway, beth is at rio's bar and then she starts talking a lot and spills a lot of her guts and then they have very intense sex all night long lol. the 'ouroboros' working title is a reference to 69ing, it's not that deep i swear. they just want to devour each other.

MELT + A FIVOLOUS PURCHASE

i'm grouping these two together because i'm realizing they are inspired by the same thing: it's so fucking hot where i live right now and i want to take it out on brio. melt is pure pwp ice-play fic, i plucked it out of the ouroboros wip because it didn't exactly fit and well that's it. a fivolous purchase disregards the living room hot tub and turns it into beth buying an above-ground pool and then rio comes over to bother her take a dip. i'm trying to keep it light-hearted/funny while also still sexy. a particularly fun thing i'm playing with in these especially: TEMPERATURE. we've got ice vs intense summer sunshine heat. it's been fun to write the different sensory descriptions here.

BETH X PHOEBE 4X06 CANON DIVERGENCE

this one might actually end up a 2 or 3-part something. i've been working on it since the ep aired. i know beth x phoebe isn't a popular ship by any means so this is pure self-indulgence. i am hesitant to post though because i'd probably consider it a "DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT" fic and idk how to handle that??? idk. i don't care but i don't want people to judge me lmfao, so i may never post it. still, i degrade a cop in it so that's fun.

DREAM WIPS (things i have thought about a lot but haven't written much/anything for)

listed here are my working titles for these ideas. i will expand upon any of these if anyone is interested, just shoot me an ask! FOODIE AU / PIT STOP / THE SILENT TREATMENT / SOCCER MAMI / LINGERIE SHOPPING AVEC RUBY / TO CATCH A THIEF / BATHOME4 IS ONLINE / MANGOES ON THE BEACH PWP / FOUR TIMES BETH WAS PREGNANT AND ONE TIME SHE WASN'T

jfc i wish i could write as prolifically in my actual docs as i do when i just ramble about what i want to write...but anyway so these are my ideas. i'm tinkering a lot. i get in my head a lot and start feeling like my writing isn't good/no one wants this and talk myself out of it way too often, so i used this as an opportunity to try and take an objective look at what i'm writing and you know.... yeah! i like these ideas! a lot! i want to finish them and share them!

tagging for the rambles (but absolutely no pressure): @sothischickshe (tag back biotch), @inyoursheets, @daydreamstew, @foxmagpie, @pynkhues, @dragonturtle, and anyone else who thinks this is fun/will help them write!!! it's a fun exercise i promise! <3

#tag games #my fic

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green-socks · 3 years ago

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Tumblr Writer Q&A

Thank you for the tag @lacontroller1991!! This was fun!

1) How many complete fics/one shots do you have that you have not published (yet)? I have three oneshots complete that I haven't posted yet, two of them I'm planning to post at some point soonish tho!

2) How many WIPS do you have right now? 2 series and 6 oneshots (that I'm serious about rn).

3) Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both? I don't officially take requests usually, but sometimes I could be prompted. I mostly do what pops into my head at any given moment.

4) If you do take requests, how many do you currently have? I have 3 sitting in my inbox from the one time I did ask for them and I am so sorry for being the slowest ever omg.

5) How many fandoms do you write for? Uhh mostly it's Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe boys and Triple Frontier. Some drabbling Star Wars, Narcos, DCU stuff going on at times.

6) Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you no longer write for? No

7) Do you write for ships, reader inserts or other? Mostly reader inserts, some OC too, haven't tried ships yet but I would really like to!

8) Niche fandoms/characters you write for? Don't think I have those? Unless writing for a dude from a wine commercial counts?

9) Do you read fics as well as write them? Hell yes! I read much more than I write!

10) What is your favorite genre to write for? Fluff. Is that a genre? Anyway, that.

11) What is your favorite trope (to read/write)? To read: friends to lovers probably. Just gimme the pining. To write: hmmm. I don't think I have a favorite trope for writing. It depends so much on what I'm doing.

12) What do you do to get motivated to write? Nothing, I guess? Lol I just write when I write XD

13) Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write? I don't really write angst/whump, although I also read those more rarely than fluff or smut for example. I do prefer reading smut to writing it.

14) Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested? Nah, if I get an idea to write something and want to do it, I'll do it.

15) How long have you been writing fan fiction? Almost a year now! I started in march of last year!

16) Did you read fan fiction before you started writing? Of course! Lots and lots of it, for years.

17) Do you only post on Tumblr, or any other sites as well? I have an AO3 account but so far I've only posted one of my fics there bc lazy lol.

18) What do you personally consider the word counts of "Drabble", "One shots" and "fics"? For me drabbles are maybe anything below 700 words, oneshots are technically anything that is more than a drabble and not in two or more parts, and then, to me, fics are any and all of it. Fics are fics.

19) Which do you prefer to write more? HC, drabbles, oneshots/fics, multi chapter stories, other? I mostly write oneshots, and prefer those, but I have done all the others too!

20) Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why? No. My series are on an accidental hiatus, but definitely not discontinued.

21) What is one of your main "pet-peeves" as a writer on Tumblr? Fortunately I haven't faced any nasty behavior myself, but it does pain me to see other writers treated like they are basically expected to cater to everyone's needs at the same time. It's just not possible to do, and people need to learn to live with that.

22) Do you write a particular time of day? Usually from 10:30 pm to 2 am is my time to shine, but recently I have tried to write during the day/evening too, just so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour lol.

23) Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc to write or do you need silence? I always have headphones on to block out possible noises from my partner lmao, but there's nothing coming through the headphones. I have tried listening to music or white noise a couple of times, but usually silence is the best.

24) Do you outline your fics at all before writing? Yes, especially if it's a multi part or a long oneshot. Stuff below 2.5k words, no.

25) Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day? I never schedule, usually when it's done I want it out and over with right away hahah.

I'm tagging @writeforfandoms @oonajaeadira @hopeamarsu @kesskirata @rayslittlekitten @mandocrasis and anyone else who would like to do this!

#pls make your own post if you'd be so kind #tag game #fun things

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years ago

Text

2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same!#my fic #long post #shut up nerd

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lilolilyr · 3 years ago

Note

And ohhhh, anything you can tell us about any future projects? 👀

Sure! I'd love to :D

For TOG, I don't have many new WIPs, but I do have

- about 2 more chapters of the Andromaquynh University AU coming up soon(ish)... It's still a damn slow-burn, I swear if I end up only having the getting together in the last chapter, I'll write an epilogue for some established feels xD

- As far as I remember I ended up never posting the (smutty) Andronilynh fic with Quỳnh in lingerie? Was supposed to be a discord collab with a fanartist months ago, but I think by now I can assume they've abandoned the project xD (vague so I won't call them out lol), so... I'll just post the fic itself, I think it's finished already, just gotta dig out the draft

- Sth more for the Just You And Me series maybe? I do have a bunch of ideas but no concrete plans yet...

Then, I've got some Milippa fics coming up:

- a getting together ficlet (2k, T) I wrote in the middle of the night and after looking at it earlier today and then just closing the Word doc with a headache, I think I'll just post that without further edits lmao - edit- posted!

- I want to write a longer(ish, probably still just a ficlet of 1-2k) version of this photostory for ao3! I was thinking about whether to make it established or pre-relationship, then came up with an idea for a getting-together variant that I like, and now I've just seen @onaperduamedee's tags here, and I love that idea as well! But maybe as a separate ficlet some day (if you'd be okay with me writing that, Flo?), as I don't think it'd work out with the idea I already drafted now.

- The very very slowly growing fic (I have more or less abandoned the idea of turning it into a longfic, but maybe that means that I'll post it soon-ish now... Damn, I really love the idea but I just can't seem to bring myself to write much for it, why brain whyy) that's a follow-up to this post by @georgiov :)

- a mirror/mirror idea @forestcircle reminded me of earlier today :D

Thanks for the question! <3

Feel free to ask me more about these, or send me other asks/prompts for thirsty thursday!

I also have some vague ideas for projects in other fandoms (below the cut):

- Rly want to continue my 666words Good Omens series, but no actual wips started and they're all one-shots anyway

- a bering&wells artefact story that I thiink I posted the summary of on discord somewhere, but who knows whether I'll actually write it... guess it goes on the list of Might Write It If I Get A Reply to both remind me of the idea's existence and show that there's an interest for it

- Thinking about whether or not and if yes for which ship I should write the suburbs AU I posted about on my WIP blog @thelucyverse

- I'd love to finish my Heistwives Kinda Job series one day, but goddammit I know I probably won't anytime soon lol

- Thinking about whether or not and if yes when to start podficcing part 4 of Leo Inter Serpentes by @aeternumregina, a wonderful longfic series (and I've seen you've started posting the last part!!! Really need to catch up), problematics being a) time (podficcing is hella time extensive and I'm not sure I want to get tied down in weekly uploads again, but on the other hand a slower upload schedule would make it harder to remember the voices and all when reading), b) it's partly NSFW, which I'd censor for the audio, which again is Work, c) it's HP and... Well... I've been working on getting the overterf's name /out/ of my ao3 fandom top5 (the ones that are shown without clicking expand on the list) by getting my Star trek disco fic count to higher than HP, which it now nearly is, and I don't want to ruin that lmao, d) if I do start another long podfic, I'd actually love to podfic my own Andromaquynh fic In Your Stead? Because for once I have a story I wrote myself that I feel would be worth it... But like... I also really do want to continue Leo Inter Serpentes! But it's 7 monsterlong fics! And just...aaah! XD #strugglez

- Wanna write more lezbean smuttttt

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capricornus-rex · 4 years ago

Note

could you maybe right something with cal where the reader and cal are maybe doing repairs on a part of the mantis but the door gets stuck and the end up locked in the area for a while? and they’re both obviously in love with one another but just can’t really admit it to each other? if that makes sense lmao. you’re writing is super good btw!

Hi Anon! I’m really sorry that it took a while because I got caught up with the prior requests and my OC x Cal fic ;;;; I hope that I can make it up to you by finally writing this fic request. I hope you’ll still enjoy this story! I’M BACK TO WRITING, I SWEAR. I just enjoyed my break way more than I should ;-;

“Little Secrets That You Know That I Never Told” | Cal Kestis x Reader

Also in AO3

Tags: Subtle hints, secret crush, slightly jealous! Cal, mutual pining, bonding, warm and fuzzy feelings, fluff

Masterlist

Greez takes your hand to nestle a small pouch of credits onto your palm. It’s neither too heavy nor light, though the slightest movement warranted the metal inside to clink against one another.

“Alright, here’s the money for the parts and I’m sure you’ve got a good eye for quality!”

You bobbed your hand with the pouch to feel its weight, and then you thought out loud to Greez.

“Why don’t you come with us, Greez? Nothing bad about a little stroll, it’ll help in stretching your legs,”

“Aww no, my ship should not be out of my sight within a one-inch radius!”

“Uhh… Don’t you mean one-mile radius?”

“No, I did mean a one-inch radius!” pressed the Lateron.

Cal stepped in just when your banter with the captain has concluded. He asks you if you’re ready and you say yes. Even from a distance, you can feel the hostility from the town; in Cal’s case, it sort of reminded him of Bracca, and he sensed your uncertainty disguised as caution.

“We best be careful, Cere found a lot of Imperial signals here,” you recall.

“Then stay close to me,”

It came to Cal naturally, but when he realized what he just said, all of the color drained away from his freckled cheeks. You turned to him and he returned the gesture with a nervous side-glance that evolved into a full look; he was greeted with a small yet warm smile from you and you mouthed the word “Sure” within his earshot. Immediately, the color returned to his cheeks.

The two of you came across a shop that seemed promising, and so you enter the establishment, making your presence known by the ring of a chime that hung by the door—or lack thereof, since it was only a canvas curtain. A young man—perhaps in the same age as you and Cal—and his attention was drawn to the sound. He shifted in his seat, as he was originally facing away from the door, and vaulted over the main counter.

“Well now, what can I get for you?”

“Yeah, uh,” you fished out the compact holodisk and switched it on. “We have a list of parts. Do you happen to have these?”

The young shopkeeper leaned closer to the point that the hologram’s light pooled the entirety of his face, he makes a pensive look: chin between his fingers, squinted eyes, and a long “hmm” as he skims your list.

He clicked his tongue, “Yep, I think we have those,” then there was an awkward pause mainly on your end, so he decided to continue on. “Name’s Seff by the way.”

“Oh cool,” your lip stretched into a straight smile and you shrug your shoulders. “Could you, like… at least show us where they are, Seff?”

While you and Cal weren’t exactly there to make niceties, both of you continued to be polite to Seff. But Cal sensed something else from the boy—it was his seemingly desperate attempt to get your attention. Though he was comforted by the fact that you were uninterested in the subtlest way possible. Seff gestured the pair to the wall of wares; when you took the step ahead towards it, Cal stayed close by your side and shot Seff a sharp glance as he obscured the shopkeeper’s view of you—practically standing in the middle.

BD-1 obliged to flash his copy of the list through lens in the form of a hologram, he did this while perched on Cal’s shoulder. Meanwhile, you browsed the racks upon racks of parts. You felt a little playful and picked up a cylindrical lens shaft and held it to your eye level, the other end points to Cal—who was still busy looking for the other part on the list—when he noticed you in your little game, you finally caught a glimpse of him and his smile through the glass lens.

“Ooh, I think I spotted some treasure!” you chirped.

“Harty-har-har,” Cal cooed, barely even doing the impression of a space pirate. He carefully lowers the lens away from your eyes with his the tips of his fingers, revealing a cheery smile painted on your face.

You teasingly bit your lip to him, as if holding back a laugh, before returning the lens to the shelf. Endeared, Cal himself smiled privately as he looked rummaged through the shelves; he attempts to catch a glimpse of you, angling out his head just to get a wider view than just his periphery and caught your little smile while examining a power cell. You continued to search for the remainder of the list until the last item was ticked off.

“Do you honestly think the damage is that bad?” Cal thought out loud.

“I… I guess so. But we can only really tell once we come and look at her,”

“Ditto. But still, don’t you think these are a bit… excessive?”

That prompted you to check the list again, seeing that you’ve completed the list, you look at the haul and start to agree with Cal. The two of you exchange looks and give each other a resigned shrug of the shoulders. It didn’t take long for both of you to stay in the shop, but the whole time, you did what Cal has told you earlier—to stay close to him.

You approach the counter and paid for the parts, fishing out and counting the credits of silver and gold from the pouch that Greez handed over to you.

“Pleasure doing business with ya,” Seff bade as he swept the credits to him with his forearm.

“Thanks for the help,” you casually said, grabbed the rucksack, and then turned away.

The pair of you exited the shop and you can finally be yourself again with Cal. You slung the rucksack over your shoulder as you made your way to the ship.

“Persistent bugger, wasn’t he?” you quipped jokingly to Cal. It was your own way to relieving yourself from that rather awkward encounter, he concurred with a chuckle.

“Well, did you get all of them?” Greez greeted you from the entry ramp.

You beamed and showed off the rucksack to the Lateron, “Yup! Surprisingly, this one shop had it all. I hope you have the tools for it, though.”

“Oh sure, there’s an entire toolbox waiting for you in the engine room,”

Cal went ahead to the engine room—which was essentially his bedroom—and searched for the particular toolbox that the captain referred to. There were only a few compartments installed in the wall of the room, so it didn’t take long for the redhead to find the said toolbox.

The damage was in the room where the escape pods are, but the affected area was the auxiliary engine—which occupied an entire wall on the opposite side. The size of the auxiliary engine room was strictly enough for two people. You were in first and Cal followed behind after bringing in the tools, you were undisturbed by the hiss of the door and the clattering of the metal.

“Mind if I join in?”

“Come on, the more the merrier!” you squeaked.

You dismantle the grate covering the internals of the power hatch. You take a step back to get a full view of the damage—tendrils of gray smoke wafted out of the narrow crooks between the conduits, tiny orange sparks flew out of the dangling wires. It was an electrical mess.

“This is gonna take a while,” you groaned sardonically.

“Well, we better start then,” Cal gently bumps his fist against your shoulder and approaches the power hatch.

You set down the rucksack of parts and went one by one on which goes where. Being the expert scrapper that Cal was, he worked much quicker and handier, though that didn’t bother you—you’re just glad you weren’t the only one that’s going to tinker the Mantis until it’s completely repaired.

To keep your boredom at bay, you fished out the foldable headphones from your jacket’s inner pocket—you fix the gadget on your head, a single button on the right earpiece prompted a song to play. Even at a low volume, given the silence that hung in the room with you and Cal, he was able to hear and make out the song just by listening in on the rhythm and muffled lyrics.

“Mou houlingting gaan Sugaan Essena…”

He had to pause from unscrewing the auxiliary compressor when he heard you softly sing out those lyrics. Of course, he recognized it—it was The HU! When he turned his head, he found you lost in the song and found your antics quite adorable—bobbing your head to the rhythm, parroting the percussion with your fingernails tapping against the metal, and even strumming an imaginary fiddle in the air with your fingers assumingly flicking in the same pace, intensity, and timing as the actual guitarist.

It took you a second to acknowledge that Cal has been watching your little concert with yourself, you noticed it in your peripheral vision. This time, he didn’t dare to hide the smile—his main reaction of endearment to seeing you getting too lost in the song.

“You listen to The HU?”

You pulled down your headphones, “Yeah, I do! I love that band. Sorry, was my volume too loud?”

“Nah, don’t sweat it. I love that band as much as you do!”

Your eyes lit up in the poorly-lit engine room. You take off the right earpiece and offered, “You wanna listen in too?”

Cal nodded and you scooted yourself closer to him; your headphone was the kind that can have the headband extended or be safely split into two for sharing—you did the latter and fixed it on his ear. The slightest touch of your fingertips pressing against the side of his face was enough to make his heart skip a beat. His eyes became shifty as they struggle to look away and avoid eye contact from you, hoping that you would never notice the blush burning all over his face.

“There we go,”

The song continued to play in both of your ears. It’s already reached the chorus, and your spontaneous reaction to hearing that climatic portion was to belt out your best impression of the main singer’s pitch, accompanied with the fade-out at the last syllable. Cal and yourself did this in your own tones, it didn’t matter if it was off-key or that your pitches didn’t match in some parts, both of you enjoyed the song regardless.

When the iconic chorus—the namesake of the song—came in once more, for a moment, the two of synched and sang your hearts out while facing in front of each other. It felt like the two of you were doing your own musical gig inside the engine room when you’re supposed to be working on the repairs.

However, you went the extra mile—you mimicked the guitar riff that followed after the chorus and worked on the auxiliary engine panel at the same time. When you caught Cal looking at you again, you snapped out of your performer alter ego and awkwardly laughed.

“Sorry, I just… I tend to do this when I work. It’s a bad habit,”

“No, it’s perfectly fine. You seem to be having fun anyway, so I wouldn’t wanna wish to ruin that,”

You cleared your throat and bit your lip. The awkwardness gradually dissolved, the two of you exchanged shy smiles and continued to work and listen to the music spilling out of your headphones’ earpieces. You went on with your tinkering and repairing until the ship went dark: all the lights went off in a cascading succession, the engine hum had gone totally silent, and the door that the two of you came through was stuck and sealed shut.

“What happened?” exclaimed Cal.

“I don’t know! I can’t see anything!”

“BD, give us some light, would you?”

“Beee-woo!”

A switch clicked in BD-1 and his little lens was able to light up your spot in the room. The tiny droid shines his light on the entire panel in search of the potential cause of the ship’s blackout.

“It can’t be me—I was working on the secondary hyperspace compressor.”

“Can’t be me, either. I’m working on the wiring,” Cal’s eyes scaled up to the top of the engine panel. He points at something with his soldering gun. “There’s the auxiliary’s main power cell. That must have went out while we were working.”

“Then it must be from the outside, could be Greez,” you assumed.

“Yeah, but we can’t waste our breaths slamming the door calling for help like trapped scrap rats,”

You looked around the room, squinting your eyes to see better with the little light you’re left with through the cracks and gaps of the ship. You tap Cal’s shoulder, with BD-1 subsequently aiming the spotlight in your general direction.

“Look, there’s a vent. Maybe BD-1 can fit through and tell Greez to switch on the main power grid,” you suggested.

The droid chirped in agreement. He hopped off and skittered towards the said air vent. Cal crept to him, unfastened the screws and removed the grate for BD-1 to crawl into. Without a word, the droid entered the ventilation shaft in the hopes of finding a way out into the main interior of the Mantis.

“Well, I guess we’re stuck here. No point in fixing the ship without any light,” you sighed.

“Yeah, guess we’ll just have to wait for BD,”

Suddenly, a spark livened up your brain with an epiphany.

“Does Greez understand droidspeak?”

There was a silence, you’re hoping for a swift reply from Cal, but it seems to he too had the same realization. He didn’t answer you right away, you assumed that he had returned to the engine panel and probably didn’t catch what you said. You pawed the air, searching for Cal until you felt something solid touch your back and then fall with you.

At first, you didn’t even notice that you didn’t land on the hard, metal floor. In fact, you felt rough fabric and cracked leather on yourself. It took you a bit of a while to realize that you landed on someone else.

“Arrggh, took a wrong step there,” Cal groaned. In the darkness, you heard his voice was too close.

“Oh gods, I’m sorry!” you scramble away to his side and off of him.

You crawl to the wall and press your back against that as you watch the shadow of him toss and turn until he sat up. Your heart raced and your cheeks flared. You were grateful for the blackout obscuring your face, because not a single good excuse exists for you to save yourself if Cal did see the look on your face.

Though, you could’ve sworn you felt his heartbeat pace so quickly underneath his leather armor.

“No, no! I’m fine, [Y/N], really,” he insisted as both of you regain your bearings in the dark.

Either of you have to squint their eyes in order to see better. Only silhouettes appeared in your vision, you can make out the shapes but the facial expressions were difficult to read.

“Well, guess we’re stuck here,” Cal pointed out.

“And we even sent out BD-1 to tell Greez about this—and I know for a fact that he’s not fluent in droidspeak,”

“Crap, you’re right,”

Both of you released a concurrent sigh. Cal drew his legs closer to his chest, crossed them together and secured them around his arms. The stale air hummed through the vents—including the open one where BD-1 went through—but both of you cannot deny that the air’s gotten a bit thinner.

“I hope they’ll get his message,” you mumbled.

“I’m sure Cere will fill Greez in if he doesn’t get BD-1,”

Cal took a slow, deep breath and nestled himself next to you. The silence was a bore and you decided to engage in small talk while waiting for BD-1 to come through.

“So, when did you first find out about The HU?”

“Well, I was in a cantina having a drink with an old friend, Prauf, after working hours—it was the end of the work week, so we decided to unwind—and then this cantina had no live performers that time, which was a usual thing on that particular day. So instead, they had their speakers on and put on a virtual performance—they played that band’s top record and it just stuck to me.”

“Which is Sugan Essena?”

“Exactly. How did you come to know the band?”

“Nothing memorable, really. Overheard it being played from a frequency channel in a store owner’s radio. Coincidentally, a few of my friends knew it and I just had to ask.”

The two of you got lost in each other’s own stories over something mutual, which felt genuinely nice. The air gradually became stale by the minute, the longer the time seemed to have dragged on, the more anxious you became; Cal sensed this and he wanted to comfort you so bad, but he was afraid that it might turn out awkward or worse.

The least he could do—at least, that’s what he thought in his mind—is to stay close and keep you company.

You felt him scramble in the dark, two soft but heavy thumps sounded on the floor—he had just stretched out his legs and let out a leisurely exhale. You felt his sleeve brush against your bare arm.

“So, that Seff guy seemed to like you a lot,” Cal initiated, though he seemed to be disgruntled by his own topic.

You scoffed in the guise of an indifferent laugh, “Guy wasn’t really up in my alley, honestly. I was just trying to be polite as best as I can.”

“Oh? He wasn’t your type?”

You shake your head, quite fervently and added, “Nah. I have someone else in mind.”

You looked to him when you said the latter and managed a smile. A ray of light persisting through a gap in the ceiling shone over his left eye, making his jade iris twinkle and you watched it shift ever so slightly. His eyes were one of your favorite features of him—placing first place before his delightful freckles and his fiery, scarlet hair in third—but it was your own little secret.

To a certain degree, Cal was relieved, but then the next thing he thought about was whether or not to admit his feelings to you. He’s troubled himself with the thought for perhaps a couple of months now—according to your own counting—that you curiously wonder if he has ever felt it.

Surely he has, being quite the empath that he is. You’ve come to the presumption that both of you are just too shy to admit it to each other.

The predicament has made you forget about your headphones, which you took off and unintentionally dropped to the floor when the blackout happened; the music was still playing but it had already switched to a new song. Cal used the Force to bring it to his hands.

“Air’s getting a little thin, don’t you think?” you blurted softly.

Cal didn’t reply; he saw that your eyes are droopy, your breathing is slow and labored, and your face relaxed into a calm expression. He can barely suck in enough air to fill both lungs. The deprivation was getting to him as well.

Your entire body felt heavy too. Your eyes gaze down on Cal’s open hand facing up. You clench your own fist while fighting your hand from inching closer—you came to a stalemate with yourself and flimsily plopped your hand on the floor, just mere centimeters away from Cal’s. You parroted his posture—head leaning against the wall, staring at the ceiling, conserving your air with slow, calm breaths.

Bit by bit, you felt warm flesh nudge against the curve of your hand between the thumb and the forefinger—it was Cal’s knuckle. Your fingers flinched, and slowly he intertwines his with yours; it began with the first inches until it evolved into a clasp. You comforted each other with the warmth radiating from your hands that is now spreading across your bodies. It was a little silly, naïve idea at first, but you could’ve sworn you felt his heartbeat follow after yours.

A relieved sigh escapes your nostrils as you manage a smile—not bothering to hide it this time, you thought: if he sees it, so be it. Cal indeed felt your smile and did so himself. He dared to squeeze your hand softly but securely while the two of you wait out the power to return. Just when everything seemed to be taking too long and hopeless… the lights burst back into life, all the air from the surface blew in vigorously into the auxiliary engine room, and the entire power panel bellowed!

“Oh good, the power’s back on,” Cal mumbled, slightly groggy from the oxygen deprivation.

“Good, I knew BD would come through—and Greez too,”

You and Cal, together, fixated your eyes on your intercrossed hands. He shot you a fond, tender gaze that’s usually paired with his boyishly charming smile—the kind of smile that’s so hard to read, whether he was teasing with you or mischievously planning to mess around. You’re convinced that it was the former.

“Shall we get to work?”

“Let’s take a breather for a few minutes…” you shuffled in your seat, not planning to let go of his hand any time soon. “This actually feels nice.”

Cal slowly lowered his head so his cheek rests atop your head. You felt his thumb run across the skin of the back of your hand while the two of you rest and recover until, eventually, both of you drifted to a nap.

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flydotnet · 4 years ago

Text

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled. I don’t have any request left, so feel free to send in suggestions for this card!).

What... did you say...?

It's been a hot, like, 2 years since I last wrote for THH or Naegiri, and man, it shows... My Makoto writing is all rusty and I hate it. This fic isn't very good by any of my usual standards, but I really wanted it out of the door, and I just remembered just how much I like Makoto, Kyoko and Naegiri. I may not have the same fervor I had for DR as I did almost 4 years ago when I started writing Febris-Induced Case, but hey... I still like those guys. I hate canon but I love those guys. It's such a weird feeling. I usually go back to V3 instead, so seeing them again... made my heart flutter a little, then realize my prompt fill sucked ass lmao. Oh well. I'll probably go back to the ship and characters later during this card; but for now, I think I at least got that one prompt out of the way. Honestly, I had to do it with a THH-inspired oneshot because, y'know, Chapter 5 is a thing and it was the glorious sick episode that got me into DR in the first place. Also, is this set Post-Canon or is it in an Everybody Lives AU? Who knows! I sure don't!

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Last Heartbeat

Summary: Someone is trying to kill him while he's down for the count; yet Makoto can't find the strength to move away from the danger.

Fandom: Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

Wordcount: 1.6K words

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version available here.

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There’s a shadowy figure hovering over his bed.

He doesn’t know who it could be or why they’re here – but he’s got a bad feeling about this. All he can see about them is the reflection of the moonlight in their eyes (he forgot to close the curtains before collapsing back into bed, but he’s thankful for it, now) and the way their smile shines through the darkness like white under the black light, sharp teeth threatening him.

He doesn’t know why, but there’s one feeling that’s overwhelming the rest of his sense – he needs to escape from whoever that person is, as fast and as soon as possible.

That’s all well and dandy, but the thing is, his limbs won’t bulge. He’s trying his hardest to push him out of the bed before that person can do anything to him – he doesn’t even know if they’re armed or not – yet neither arms nor legs are responding to his desperate calls. He feels like his entire body has been covered in lead and that, in turn, seeped into his blood and flesh and made him heavier than he has any right to be.

The light reflects in the sharp edge of a knife pointed right towards him by the mysterious figure, ready to strike at any moment, to extract the breath from his chest – but he’s already breathless, so he wonders if he hasn’t been stabbed already… but that can’t be, right? He’d have felt if the blade had struck. He’d be able to see blood flowing down it, right?

It doesn’t make sense, but he feels lightheaded and breathless, so it may just be his head playing tricks on him.

Adrenaline kicks in before long and he manages to push himself to face the mysterious figure, legs following with a delay, as he sees their eyes: sulphuric yellow, bright and glistening, unrealistically bright even considering the lights outside – like a demon’s. Their breathing is unnaturally heavy, so close to him that he hears every crackle, every wheeze and every wet sound in it, oppressing him through merely existing and being in such a close range.

He’s now facing the figure, who has lied down on him, their knife still showing under the moonlight. Their expression is haunting, a mix of pleasure and pain like he’s never seen one before – their eyes are full of sorrow, but their teeth keep smiling, distorted in a pleased grin, a droplet of red falling down from one of them, one sharper than the blade they’re holding.

Their intent is nefarious indeed, but his legs are trapped in the drapes and covers tangled in his feet, and he finds himself cornered by the wall against which his bed is. He attempts to flee from the sides, left, right, left, right – but the person (the creature?) flawlessly matches his pace, if they’re not actually predicting what he’s about to do, so there’s no way out there either.

With strong hands, they pin him down to the bed, preventing him from even attempting an escape. He now has a closeup view of their eyes: their pupils are slit, like a cat’s in a way, and focus directly into his despite the fact it should be impossible in a mostly dark room like that one. They emit their own light, so they can probably bypass his limits, making them invincible by default.

His own breathing is heavy (albeit less than the creature), his hands are trembling and he’s stuck in this position, having to wait and see what the other person is going to do, even if he can guess their intentions can’t be good – he still has some hope left that it could be one giant misunderstanding. This may just be weird dream, after all, and his luck could finally be on his side for once and –

Hands wrap around his neck, cold and leathery to the touch, as the fingers dance around the edges of his jaw – he has no idea of what they’re doing, but he wishes he wasn’t so vulnerable and lethargic right about now, wishing he could recover just enough strength to get away from this dangerous situation. Their gaze is cold as it studies him, contrasting with the caustic grin, and their intent is now too clear for him to remain any optimistic about it.

Oh my God. They can and will kill him.

He has no idea of why someone would kill him, right now. Something tells him he must have done at least one thing to be a person to eliminate. He must know too much or snoop around too many places, and that must be displeasing to at least one individual. Kyoko did try to warn him, after all, of what sort of cases she may get on; but he didn’t mind because, simply put, he’d go through the apocalypse to be with her.

He’d very much appreciate her to be by his side, right now, considering he’s about to get killed, all alone, and it stings to think he’ll be drawing his last breath all on his own. If there was one thing he could be proud of about himself, it wasn’t any sort of talent nor ability, but his role as the heart of the class, the beacon of hope of the group as some have nicknamed him (it used to be ironic, but it grew on people); so, now that he’d need someone to pay him the favour back (now that he ever thought of it that way, but you know…), there’s nobody by his side and he’s left facing a demon in the darkness.

And that’s when one realization strikes him.

He’s going to die alone.

He’s going to die right here and ow without having had the opportunity to see all of the people he loves one last time and to tell them how grateful he was for every single one of them.

He won’t have the chance to hug Komaru one last time and tell her how she’s the best sister ever.

He won’t have the chance to thank his parents for their love and support, for comforting him in times of needs.

He won’t have the chance to tell the class he loved being their classmate and friend, how he spent some of the best years of his life with them, how they were the best thing to happen to him.

He won’t have the chance to tell Kyoko that… that…

The fingers around his throat slowly move from his neck to his head, eyes glancing into his, still burning with hellish flames, albeit suddenly expressionless, evoking nothing in his panicked mind. The person’s breathing gets heavier and heavier as his starts to disappear, second by second, as his own breath is starting to run short. He’d try to fight against it if his limbs weren’t, again, too heavy to move, too stiff to use, especially in a situation like that – adrenaline isn’t enough to save him, now.

And there he is, dying in his bed, slain during a moment where he was too vulnerable to escape. It’s sad, sad thing; but at least, it’ll be a quick and easy death, if it comes to it.

--------------------------------

He wakes up to the soft light of the sun peeking through the curtains and the faint scent of lavender. The air is soft and a little cool, unlike what he can vaguely remember having felt before – only to jolt up when he remembers he shouldn’t even be alive to think that.

Two hands push him back into the bed, gentle yet firm. He doesn’t need to think much (and thank goodness for that, his head is heavy and feels like it could split in half if he used it too much) to know who this is, smile a little at the realization, then get even more confused about how he landed in this dream-like situation.

“Stay put,” Kyoko tells him in this tone that only her voice has, the one that’s stoic yet caring, in a way he can’t quite describe.

“B-but… I…”

He coughs, loudly, and his laboured breathing reminds him of something: the person’s, the creature’s.

“Everything’s okay, Makoto. You’ve just gone through a terrifying night. Everything else is fine. You’re still here.”

Her words are making him think a little more rationally about what felt like his death: it must have been a nightmare he didn’t wake up from. That’s weird, because usually, he’d wake up when he’d pass away in his dream, only to jump awake, drenched in sweat. The apocalypse happening before everyone’s eyes hasn’t helped.

“I don’t know what you saw while I was tending to you, even if I can imagine a version of it.”

He’s used to comforting Kyoko, not the other way around. She used to be very much uneasy with it, stumbling with her words and preferring silent gestures to words – which she still does and does very well at that with people she’s opened to – but she’s trying her best, he can tell.

“All I can tell you is that you were trying to escape from me but couldn’t.” She puts a damp washcloth on his forehead, prompting him to notice she isn’t wearing her gloves. “I assume you mistook me for someone else while I was simply trying to keep your fever in check.”

So, the figure… wasn’t trying to kill him, then.

“That’s probably it,” he replies with a cough interrupting him. “Sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s fine. Please tell me about it if you feel like it. I want to understand what happened when you pushed me away.”

“Will do,” he gives her the biggest smile he call pull off.

#bad things happen bingo #danganronpa #naegiri #makoto naegi #kyoko kirigiri #sickbed slaying #sickfic #my writing #i apologize #like this isnt peak naegiri #i'll need to give 'em justice later #just needed that prompt out the door

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