#I think this is probably the longest thing ive ever written

[selfspinninglies]

hi happy pride I wrote gays

word count: 2765 [<- what possessed me to write this much how did I do that]

tws/cws: implied/discussed murder, desecration of a body, not technically cannibalism but they do eat a person [<- not graphic]

notes: I wrote 2530 words of this in 2 days somehow . The oc hyperfixation is real . Also some of this might not make sense cause I still haven't wrote an experimental plot summary yet sooo oops . They're both so oblivious it makes me ill anyway enjoyy

1-2 shifts slightly on the couch. Its not the most comfortable place to lay down, but he doesn't feel like getting up and into bed (or moving at all for that matter). His vessel feels like it's going to rip itself apart. He should've went hunting a few days ago, but he's gotten inconsistent. And now this was a result. He buries his face in the throw pillow next to him. Stupid rapidly deteriorating body.

After a few minutes of nothing he feels a nudge on his foot.

"Scoot. You're taking up the whole couch laying like that."

1-3 is the owner of the complaint. He didn't even have to look to know it was them. It was the only person who made sense, since the two lived together and he would've heard the door. Its not like they get visitors anyway.

He sighs in an exaggerated fashion, unclear if this actually bothers him or not, moves over a little and tucks his knees in to make room. He would've been more bitchy about it if he wasn't exhausted and if the only other place to sit in the apartment wasn't a mattress.

1-3 rolls their eyes at his antics. They glance at him for a moment. "You look like shit." They say flatly.

He makes a small angry noise in response, not feeling like using regular words. He looks up. Surprising nobody, 1-3 also looks like shit. Neither of them ever look that great, but apparently he looked bad enough to warrant a comment.

Was it concern? It was always hard to tell with them. Their face didn't change that much. Or maybe it was clear as day and 1-2 was just terrible at reading people.

He sits up into a horribly slouched position, one arm looped around the armrest and the other dangling oddly. He gives a glance to 1-3, who is watching him carefully. They probably know what's coming. They can see the rivulets of cracks piercing his shell. The two go through this weird routine often.

He exhales sharply, opening his mouth and willing the words in his brain to crawl out and onto his tounge. A few seconds of nothing. Yep. Not happening.

Grabbing 1-3's hand, he lifts it and turns it carefully, examining the similar darkness enveloping their fingertips. He listens and feels for a flinch or glare or hitch of breath, which usually indicates that they aren't in the mood for his antics, but he catches nothing. In fact, they're barely looking, head turned the other way, pupils facing him.

They've only been living together for a few months or so and they're so used to each other. It makes him feel weird.

He moves 1-3's hand up to his mouth bites down. He must have done it too hard, since he hears a quiet "shit" from 1-3. They take their hand from his and turn to face him. "I'd prefer if you asked next time." They say, a little sharply, though they never hold grudges over little things like this.

1-2 shakes his head and puts a smirk on his face, which earns a scoff from 1-3. They get up to leave anyway.

He tugs on their longsleeve, using it to pull himself up. They look confused for a second before an incredulous expression takes over and they shake their head.

"You are not coming with me. You cannot move well and don't have the energy for it. Sit."

1-2 rolls his eyes, but sits back down anyway. He knew that they were right, though he would rather explode right at that moment than admit that.

"Don't do anything stupid." They nod and give a half-hearted wave as they exit the [truthfully] cramped space. The door closes with a nice click.

He listens to 1-3's footfalls as they walk down the hall, as if he expected them to turn around and come back. He wasn't sure if he wanted that or not. Anything was better than sitting around and doing nothing, even if they usually didn't take long.

He gets bored and decides to heave himself to the bathroom. His feet drag against the floor and his posture sags. It doesn't particularly hurt, besides the dull aches where his vessel splits from neglect, it just feels like every ounce of energy has been stolen out of his strange hands.

After pulling himself up to the mirror, he examines himself. The cracks under his eyes look wide enough to stick a finger through it. He doesn't try. The thought of it makes him feel gross.

His hair is disheveled and overgrown. His bangs fall on his eyes slightly and stick in different directions, stuck there by natural grease and some brown stuff that's probably blood. It isn't his. He doesn't have any. The last time he went hunting was a few weeks ago. Had it really been that long since he showered? Fuck, he was gross.

He laughs. Its a weird, crackly sound, but it's rare so he lets it escape his throat. Nobody was here to listen to it. 1-3 really was right, he absolutely looked like shit.

He slinks back to the couch and passes out as soon as he hits the cushions.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

1-3 sighs, slumping against the wall of an alley. The world is humid and oppressive, or maybe that's the blood soaked into most of them talking, a mix of their's, One's, and the body on the pavement's.

The unexpected run-in made this outing take longer than it usually would have. They don't have anything to tell the time on them, so they can only guess, but it's likely been around an hour. God, why did they have to see One when they were in a hurry?

They shake their head. The body. They have to take care of that. They didn't want to. It was the last thing they wanted to do. Just don't think about it. Don't think about anything, just grab the knife-

It takes longer than they would like to put themself into the thoughtless haze that helps with the process. This isn't a person, it is a creature, this is necessary, if not for you then for Two. Remember what he looked like? Shit, that's what you said.

Swish thud swish thud swish thud swish thud swish- over and over again.

There's even more blood now. Less of it belonging to them. It's on the wall, the floor, in the air, in their vessel, in their soul, eating them alive. It's disgusting. If they had insides they would have thrown them up by now. The world smells and tastes and feels of viscera, it's made of it.

The meat is in neat pieces now. The knife is put into a pocket. The bones and unnecessary bits will be left there to be picked off by something that can use it. They gather the pieces they cut into a bag and stand, swaying like they were trying to be pulled in different directions by the universe.

They take their sweater off and tie it around their waist to get some of the flesh off of them, unveiling a slightly oversized white t-shirt. It's cold, but they'd rather deal with that then the feeling of your clothes being soaked with remnants and wafting into your nose and tounge.

They shuffle through the bag and take a piece between their fingers. Don't think about it, just eat it, you have to-

The only taste that registers is the sharp, metallic tang of blood. They swallow it quickly. It always makes them feel sick, the texture, smell, taste, and the weight of taking a life. But they have to. It's the only way.

Fuck, they hate it all.

Taking a breath, they steel themself and begin walking down the street and back to the building. They aren't worried about being spotted, nobody is ever here. The silence presses itself into their body. Bricks in walls are staring at them, singing, guilty, guilty.

The walk is short, as horrid as it is. The apartment is close to many places. It's convenient for hunting. The bag swings awkwardly in their needlessly tight grip.

They knock on the door in their usual pattern, opening it and walking inside. They set the bag on the counter like it's groceries.

"Two. I'm home." They announce, though the noise of the door opening and rustling of the bag should have alerted him. Strange. Knowing him, he's probably long passed out. Still, they look over the couch to check.

Exactly like they thought. He's sprawled out awkwardly on the couch (he'll probably be sore if he stays like that) out cold. He always slept like this, which made it especially annoying to share the mattress with him. They still let him, though. It always feels weird now when he isn't there.

"Two." They say again, walking over to him and poking his face. "C'mon. Hey, wake up." This probably won't work. 1-2 is an obnoxiously heavy sleeper.

Surprisingly, they see 1-2's eyes flicker open.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

1-2 stirs, feeling fingers tap against his cheek. Ones that kind of look like his, with the way they sharpen into claws and darken at the ends. It's 1-3. Right. They left. They're back. What time was it?

He inhales and smells something weird. Quickly recognizing it as blood and probably a bit of sweat, he looks up at 1-3 questioningly. He points a finger at them and starts talking, voice still groggy from sleep.

"Blood. 'Sit yours?"

1-3 shrugs, making a so-so motion with their hand. "Some of it is, some of it isn't." Their voice is oddly nonchalant.

"What happened?" He asks, sitting against the cushions.

"Had a run in with One. I'll tell you later."

1-2 just nods. As long as he finds out eventually, he doesn't care when. He's also curious as to what 1-1 was doing anyways. The last time anyone saw her was in the lab, before all of them were released.

1-3 sits next to him again and crosses their legs, hands in their lap. He doesn't know how they sit like that, it doesn't look comfortable in the slightest.

He fiddles with his hair awkwardly. He really needed to do something with it. He remembers his reflection in the mirror. Too long. He puts a strand between his fingers and continues to twist it.

1-3 seems to notice. "Do you want me to cut it for you?" They ask.

"You can cut hair?"

"I've done it before. Did my own." They gesture to their own hair.

1-2 examines it for a second, leaning forward a bit. It looks pretty good, actually. He doesn't know if he trusts them to do it, his always picky about his hair. It's not like he can go and get it cut, though, with how he looks.

He nods, moving his gaze to 1-3's eyes. Their face is a little red. Oh. Right. Their faces were still only separated by a few inches. He leans back and speaks again. "Fine. Just be careful. If you fuck it up I get to fuck up yours." He pokes the air near 1-3 to make his point.

Something he didn't expect at all happens. 1-3 laughs. Really laughs. At a stupid threat that really isn't one.

What.

"Alright, I won't fuck it up." They reply.

The smile lingers on their face a little. Their laugh is also crackly and weird and nonhuman like his. What. They never laugh at his dumb jokes. They must be tired. Or they hit their head. He stares at their expression for way too long.

They interrupt the developing silence. "I'll cut your hair after you eat. I went out." They lean their head towards the counter. He follows their line of sight and sees a plastic black back placed there. "Thanks." He says quickly, before he forgets.

Its weird how they just. Do that. For him. They both dance around talking about it, for obvious reasons, but in his head he knows what they mean by "went out". They killed someone. For him. So he didn't sit here and rot.

He stops himself from thinking about it and walks over to the counter. He takes a few pieces and forces it down his throat. It tastes bad, it always does, but he's pretty used to it. It's easier to just get it over with. Not like he really has a choice in it. Could be worse. 1-3 hates it much more than he does.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

They're in the bedroom now, 1-3 sitting on the mattress and 1-2 on the floor directly below them. They hold a pair of thin scissors in their hand. It's not the right kind, but it'll work.

1-2 told them what they wanted earlier, and while they weren't a professional in the slightest, it would be easy. And he didn't need to know that, anyway.

God, they were close. It wasn't uncomfortable, but for some reason their brain latched onto their proximity and didn't let go. Like earlier, when 1-2 looked them in the eyes and moved towards them.

Do NOT think about his face right now just cut his hair it's what he asked of you- They hold some of his hair in their hand and begin cutting. The satisfying snip snip snip of the scissors echoes around the space as hair flutters to the carpeted floor.

It doesn't take long for them to finish. There wasn't much to do. They look at their work for a bit just to see if there's anything they need to fix in the back. They move to sit infront of 1-2 and look at the front, hands brushing against his forehead to adjust the strands slightly before giving a curt nod and leaning back. It's his turn to redden.

They push any thoughts related to 1-2's face [for the second time] and the contact they just made with him to the back of their mind.

1-2 gets up and goes to the bathroom quickly to look at what they did. He comes back after a short moment, taking his place on the floor again. He nods back. "Your hair's safe from me." He says, which is his way of giving them a compliment.

1-3 goes to sit next to him instead of infront so its less awkward. They both bathe in the sound of absolutely nothing. They do this a lot, simply sit in the same space. It was kind of nice. Better than being alone.

"You're tired." 1-2 says, now eyeing them carefully. They hate how easily he can read them most of the time. "As are you. I was only gone for an hour or so and you passed out waiting."

"Touché."

"Well," 1-2 says, standing. "We might as well sleep now, then. Neither of us have plans."

They nod and crawl into bed after him. They don't feel like denying it today. He needs the rest and so do they.

They sleep on opposite sides of the bed, though they're still close do to the size of it. They also share a blanket, which 1-3 often has to steal back from 1-2. He has a habit of taking it all in his sleep. God, they already know his sleeping habits and it's only been a few months.

He falls asleep quickly [he always does, he's always tired] but 1-3 takes a bit longer. More thoughts than usual bubble to the surface of their head and spill over. Some involve blood and the experiments and slicing, which always makes it hard to sleep, but a select few involve him.

They want to get closer, so, so badly for no reason at all. The thought of it sounds nice. It rings like gentle bells. When was the last time they were close to someone who they weren't trying to kill?

After a contemplative silence, they shift towards him and wrap their arms around him. They think this is selfish, they don't even know if he'd like it, if he'd feel the same, but they let themself have this. If he asks they'll say that it just happened in their sleep. He wont believe it, since they never move much in their sleep, but it will probably get him to not ask.

It feels nice, like they thought, a pleasant warmth to it all. It's also a little awkward since they don't do this often, but it doesn't matter. The sounds of soft breathing fill the silence.

It doesn't take them long to fall asleep now.

[algea]

Ghoul School (pt 2)

prompt: when you get out of the hospital, Lars has put it onto himself to take care of you until you're healed. I can confirm that there is a big chuck of text where you're really pissed off at him before he gets his shit together!

warnings: tbh i literally dont even know. umm yeah your shin is broken and you're concussed so. things may or may not get a little steamy...cussing duh

a/n: im super mega surprised all my Lars stuff has gotten popular; i think it’s very insanely unhealthy how much i love James Acaster.

~ there are a LOT of little secret references to James in here, comment what you picked out ;)

~ also this is probably longer than the first part idk, but its officially the longest post ive written @jesssuperwholock03

~requested by @thestralluvr

Lars visited you everyday. Every morning, every evening after work, sometimes even over his lunch breaks, like clockwork. You were beginning to think it was seriously unhealthy. You were lying in the hospital bed, 4 days after the incident, with your eyes closed. You heard a soft click of the door and you cracked your eyes slightly. You, being oh-so-surprised, were met with the tired face of your crush colleague and work partner. He wore his jumper tied around his waist, a dark colored button up adorning his body. His hair looked disheveled, which could only mean he had just finished a job. He looked so tired, more tired than you've ever seen him be. It was annoying, honestly. Annoying how attractive he was without even trying. 'Why can't I look like that' you thought to yourself, mentally frowning. You decided to acknowledge his presence, seeing how he took time, again, out of his day to come and visit you.

"Lars." You stated, turning your head look over at him. Lars froze, gazing down at your solemn face. You started to reach out to him, but thought otherwise and rested your hand back on the crisp sheets. You watched as he pushed his glasses up and pulled a chair to sit beside you. Lars rested his forearms on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped.

"I was told that you'll be able to get out of here today." He whispered, his tired eyes searching your face. He was desperate for you to come back, back to how things used to be, where he would tease you, and you would always find witty comeback. But he knew you couldn't, not for a while at least. Lars was so scared you weren't going to be able to work for Ghost Corps anymore, especially since the concussion you got really fucked up your head. Not to mention your shin, which was a huge impact on you.

Lars let out a shaky breath. He unclasped his hands and ran one through his hair. You reached out, more confidently this time, and rested your hand on his. He didn't move his hand; he was scared if you let go, you'd disappear.

"Lars." You said again, your face flashing with worry. Your other hand softly touched his chin, holding his face so delicately.

"I'm scared that you're not going to come back." Lars stated, grimacing at the words that flew out of his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I come back? What made you think this?" You asked, your eyebrows drawing together in a sad furrow.

"I want things to be the same, I don't want things to change." He whispered quietly, his eyes cast down.

"I think you and I both know that it won't be the same, neither of us want to admit it. Normally, you don't go around kissing people and pretend like you hate each other for the rest of your life." You explained, searching his eyes for an answer. His eyes glanced back at you as his cheeks burned with pink. You tipped his head to the side ever so slightly, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

"That's unfair, Lars. You can't expect me to leave you alone after that." You pleaded.

"Can we just drop it? It really doesn't fucking matter right now.” Lars snapped. You drew your hand away from his face, hurt flashing across your face.

“What I meant was that we should focus on getting you out of here.” He frantically explained. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away again. Lars had never felt an emotion like this. His ears were ringing and his brain was hazy. It could’ve only been described as embarrassment. He wouldn't cry, no, that's not what he wanted to do. He wanted to apologize over and over again until you'd forget he ever did anything or said anything.

“I think it's maybe time for you to go. When I get out, do me a favor and send Lucky and Pheebs to get me.” You muttered, looking down at your hands. Lars sat there for a few moments, his jaw clenched. He wanted to say something, anything, to make you understand how he felt. Instead, he got up and, with a longing gaze down at you, left.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes, which you allowed to fall down your cheeks. If he wanted to play that dumbass game again, you could do it, just not like you used to. You didn't realize that you were holding your breath until he walked out of the door, not looking back. You slammed your hand down on the bed in a fit of rage, which turned into a soft cry. You wished that you could make better sense of it all, but your wishes never came true.

It was only 2 hours after that you were discharged. Lucky and Phoebe, just as you had requested, rushed in to see you as soon as they could.

"Y/N!" Phoebe exclaimed, running to you and giving you a big hug. You smiled and hugged her back, or at least as much as you could with your crutches. Lucky joined in on the hug before you parted and started making your way to the car.

"Everyone is so happy you're coming home! We've all been super worried." Phoebe smiled, giving you a big smile.

"I'm so happy I get to see you guys again, Pheebs." You grinned back, ruffling her hair. Your mind wandered to Lars as you crutched your way to the car.

"Has um..." You started, realizing that the words were harder to get out of your mouth than you thought.

"He's not here. I haven't seen him since we went out this morning." Lucky explained, catching on to what you were about to ask. You looked down and nodded. 'Of course, how could I be so goddamn stupid.' You thought. Phoebe helped you into the car while Lucky set your crutches next to you. Trevor was driving, which was a whole other risk to be taking.

"Since when did they let you drive?" You asked, grinning at Trevor.

"Since Lars bailed at the last minute. I'm a great driver, so I have no idea what you're even talking about." Trevor bragged. 'He bailed at last minute? He never does that...' You thought sadly. He could've just been working really hard on whatever science thing he was studying. You really didn't know, but it did cut a little.

You didn't know you were carsick until you let Trevor drive you home. You thought Lars was a bad driver, but you quickly realized that Trevor was on the list of 'Never-Ever Drive Me Again,' along with Gary and Ray. You made a mental note of that as you struggled to stand to get out of the car. Trevor quickly rushed to your side to help you, easily pulling you up. You casted your gaze up, which fell on the Firehouse. 'Oh good, he won't be here.' You thought, as a feeling of relief washed over you. You hobbled in next to Phoebe and Trevor with Lucky trailing in not far behind. Callie and Gary stood right after the door, waiting for your arrival. As soon as you entered the Firehouse they were by your side, giving you warm 'hello's' and 'I'm so happy you're back and ok.' You were quick to hug them, hoping to talk to them about your situation with Lars.

"Alright kiddos, time to let the adults talk." Gary clapped, shooing away the smaller kids.

"Hey but I'm not-!" Trevor started, but was dragged away by Lucky. You three sat down around a table. It was silent for a moment as you tried to say what was on your mind.

"Did he come see you?" Callie asked, leaning in close.

"He came and saw me everyday. Sometimes up to three times." You whispered, your hands clasped together. Callie and Gary looked at each other.

"But when he came and saw me this morning, he was different. He was super moody, and got upset when I tried to confront him about kissing me like you said for me to do. I don't know if he doesn't like confrontation or if he, yknow, might be seeing someone else." You went on, nervously biting your nails.

"Y/N, I seriously doubt that there's many women who actually like Lars, much less want to even date him." Gary said, using his left hand to talk. 'Is he right? But I'm sure women think Lars is attractive.' You thought, scrunching your eyebrows together.

"I'm pretty certain that you're like the only woman he's ever talked to in a romantic way, probably even the only woman he’s ever even talked to." Callie confirmed.

"Either way, he likes you. We all know that." Gary finished. You were really hoping he was right, otherwise you were a fool being played.

You chatted for a little while longer, mostly about anything and everything that came to mind. After a while, you told them that you were ready to head home.

"I'll drive you home." Callie said, standing up and grabbing the keys. The ride home was filled with you and Callie singing awful 80's songs, the vast majority of them by Tears for Fears. That was something that cleaned your soul and freed your mind a while. Callie helped you into your apartment before she left with a hug and a warm 'see you soon.' You were seriously hoping that your torture would end.

After a day, you got restless. So restless that you decided to go back to the lab and start working again. Yes, it was idiotically stupid. No, you weren't going to listen to anyone and take a break. Honestly it was going to happen anyways. You walked into the lab the first day, partially hoping that Lars was going to be there, but alas he wasn't. You felt disappointment but you were hopeful that you'd see him tomorrow. Except you didn't. More days past by and you hadn't seen any sign of Lars in the lab at all. You were starting to get more and more worried.

It had been more than a week and you hadn��t seen Lars since. Concern was growing and you were growing weary waiting for him to return. It was extremely hard taking care of yourself, especially since you had to trek a long ways to get yourself to your car outside of your apartment. Finally, you decided it was time to go see Lars. It pissed you off so much that you were running to him, instead of him coming to you. You knew his place, mostly because you, Phoebe, Trevor, and Lucky would sometimes prank him by doing something so absurd he would tremble with anger. That was back when you had your little schoolgirl crush on him, before you realized that you loved him.

You decided to walk, opting for the fact that he knows your car all too well. You weren’t even sure if he was there, you really didn’t even bother checking to see in your group FindMy. You didn’t even bother use your crutches because they were stupid anyways, you could walk just find even though you had a little limp. God you just wanted to fucking punch his stupidly handsome face. He made your blood boil so much.

You were only a few blocks from from his house when it started to rain. Not just a light rain, but a pour. You grew a little worried for your cast, but continued on. You were completely drenched by the time you were on his doorstep. Even worse, it was cold out. You stood on his doorstep for a minute before you started to knock on his door. You breathed out, seeing your own breath in the air. You were so cold. No one answered, which was pretty typical for Lars. He was probably standing in the kitchen, not going to open the door.

"Lars!!" You yelled, knocking on the door some more. Water dripped from your face and you shivered again. The door still didn't open. You sighed and started walking away, the pouring rain drenching you again. You started to tread back to your apartment when you heard a loud bang and turned your head. There Lars was, standing in the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at you.

"Y/N!" Lars yelled back, meeting you in the rain. He craned his head to look down at you, his hands flying to meet your face.

"What are you doing here?" He said, his thumb swiping at your cheek.

"I came to see you. Where the fuck have you been, Lars Pinfield?!" You boomed, your right hand gripping the front of his shirt. His head dropped and he closed his eyes.

"I...I couldn't face you after that dumb shit I pulled. I wanted to apologize, really I did, but I couldn't bring myself to face you." Lars explained, his breath creating a misty cloud. All that either of you could do was stare at each other incredulously.

“Are you fucking stupid? I’ve wanted to see you all week, but your dumbass wouldn’t show up. Jesus Christ Lars, do you have any clue how much I’ve missed you? You’re so goddamn unfair you know that?!” You screamed, pounding on his chest. Lars’ hands moved from your face to your waist, holding you steady while you angrily punched him. He could only see you through his hair, which now stuck to his forehead, and his rain covered glasses which were fogging up. He was freezing, but all he could ever think about was you. How cold were you? Why would you sacrifice your time, hell, your health to come see him. He really couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would ever do that for someone. You would think with him being such a genius he would figure it out, however some people can be dense. But he realized that you were giving up all your time to invest in him. So, he decided that he needed to do the same.

"Do you think, maybe, that you'd want to spend the rest of your life, with me, maybe not just hating each other. And maybe not while hating each other, you'd like to be with me, y'know, for a long while?" Lars whispered, causing you to stop throwing punches. You looked up at him, in all his rain drenched glory. God, he looked so beautiful. You began to tremble, your hands lifting to capture his face with them. Lars breath quickened, his large hands gripping your waist. His hazy blue eyes captured yours, holding you in his everlasting gaze.

"Lars..." You murmured, swiping your thumb across his bottom lip. It was soft, softer than you thought it would've been. You found yourself daydreaming again about kissing him, though you'd never let him know how many times you've done it. You realized how close you were after you felt his breath against your cheek. You leaned in closer, pressing your chest against his. It was like something out of a movie, the way time stopped then. When your lips pressed against his, your body shuddered. It was like fireworks went off inside of you, making you all jittery and excited. Lars' hands slipped from your waist to your ass, softly gripping the flesh there. You slipped your fingers into his blond locks, tugging lightly. You heard a light groan rumble from his chest as he pressed into you further.

You weren't sure if the rain mixed with the cold had made you delirious, but after Lars had pulled away, it made him look even hotter. His tousled, wet hair, his lips that were red after the kiss, the ruby flush that adorned his cheeks and ears, and his half-lidded eyes made him even more beautiful. You found yourself feeling heat creep up through your neck to your cheeks as he stared down at you.

“Shit, right, you need to get inside, now.” Lars commanded, dragging you towards the door.

“Lars—!” You exclaimed, eyes widening as he basically picked you up. Your hands fly to grip the shirt on his back as you hoists you over his shoulder. He muttered a few things under his breath as he strolled to the door, obviously not caring that the rain was coming down harder. Lars opened the door, set you down, and shut the door with the heel of his shoe.

“Give me a second.” He commanded, leaving you standing in the foyer. You shivered and looked around, noticing some things that seemed quite out of place. Lars had multiple different band posters framed and hung up around the house, most of them signed. You could pick out a few like Pindrop, Temps, and the Timewasters. You also found multiple different movie titles like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and other things. ‘Interesting’ You thought as you took in your surroundings. Lars appeared again with a towel and some sort of clothes he had found for you to wear.

“If you fuck up my good clothes, I’m kicking your ass to the curb again.” Lars sighed, throwing the towel at you.

“Whatever, brainiac.” You bit back, trying to hold back your grin as you shoved past him. That earned a scoff and an eye roll from Lars.

“Washroom is down the right hall, second door to the left.” He called, peaking down at you as you went to change.

Lars had never had a girl in his house before. Other than the times his mother and sister had come over from Britain, obviously. His “outside” friends insisted that he bring a girl home, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to when he could only think of you. It made him a little giddy knowing that you were here with him. It was like a fever dream, if he woke up it all would be gone. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure that there was a way to prove that this was real. Lars found himself wondering if you liked how his house was decorated, the clothes he brought you, even the way the house smelt. At the thought of these, he began to worry that you didn’t like it here. Those thoughts were denied when you waddled back from the bathroom, furiously rubbing at your hair to dry it. It was silly, really. Lars thought you looked a little too good in his clothes. His Temps T-shirt was too big for you, and his plaid pj pants were rolled a few times to even try and fit you.

“You look stupid in that.” Lars scoffed once more, looking anywhere but your face.

“Hey man, you picked this out. Don’t blame me for your shit style.” You tried back. A hint of a smile could be found dawning his face. You smirked and poked his cheek.

“Is that a smile I see? Is the Lars Pinfield smiling in my presence?” You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand to fake gasp.

“No, it isn’t.” He replied, the smile growing wider on his face.

“It so totally is!!! Lars Pinfield is literally smiling right in front of me!” You exclaimed. He shook his head.

“Shut up. Anyways, I’m getting changed, don’t fucking break anything.” Lars sighed, sliding past you.

“You can put on anything, just as long as it’s not some stupid BritCom.” He added, shutting the door to his room.

“Who even watches BritComs…” You muttered to yourself. Walking back into the main foyer, you sat down on the sofa, which was surprisingly nice compared to how you thought your scientist boyfriend colleague lived. You sat down and flicked through the channels, stopping on whatever stupid romcom movie was on. You sighed and put your chin in your hand, anticipating the snappy response of ‘this is the shittiest movie I’ve ever seen.’

“Hey.” You heard from above you. Looking up, you saw Lars resting his elbows on the top of the sofa next to you.

“Hi.” You peeped back. Secretly, you were gawking at him. Lars wore a pair of white sweatpants and a black shirt. You’ve never seen him in casual wear, but you were absolutely loving it right now. His glasses weren’t pushed up, loosely sitting below the bridge of his nose, and his hair was still damp. If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what was.

“What’re we watching?” He asked, glancing down at you. You shivered when his eyes locked on to yours.

“Some stupid romcom, you probably won’t like it anyways.” You answered.

“You’re right, I’ll probably think it’s super shitty, but I’ll watch it anyways.” He sighed, tipping his head towards you. You reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. Lars scrunched his eyebrows and sighed. After you pulled away, you patted the seat beside you, beckoning him to sit down. He all but scrambled to get next to you, plopping down with another big sigh.

“How’s your leg?” Lars asked once more, motioning to it with his eyes.

“It has definitely seen better days.” You replied earnestly. He nodded in sincerity, then turned his attention back to whatever you were watching. You looked over at him again before reaching over and slipping your hand into his. He didn't move, so you considered it a win. Taking matters into your hands again, you slid closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Lars' head rested on top of yours immediately and you smiled as he snuggled in closer. You could smell whatever cologne he was wearing, a citrusy, vanilla smell.

"You smell good." You muttered, looking up at him through your lashes. Lars didn't reply, but you could definitely imagine the look on his face. That little embarrassed smile with a scarlet blush dusting his cheeks. You found yourself becoming a little sleepy as you settled in. Blinking a few times, you tried to wake yourself up, but that only made you even more sleepy. Unintentionally, you started to fall asleep. As you drifted off to sleep, you could hear Lars mutter something to you, but you didn't respond.

Somehow, in the middle of the night, you had moved from the sofa, to Lars' bed. Now you only had 2 options as to how you got there. 1. You sleep walked to the bed and magically laid down, or 2. Lars had carried you there. You groaned and opened your eyes, lifting a hand to rub them. You blinked a couple times and sat up. No, Lars wasn't in here. So then, where was he? You slipped out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, finding that he wasn't there either. A cup of coffee and some breakfast was left on the counter, along with a note saying,

'I'll be back later, got a couple things I need to work on at the lab. I left you some breakfast and I'm sure you can fend for yourself for lunch. Please don't burn the house down. - Lars' You smiled and picked up the coffee, finding that it was still steaming. You noticed that Lars had made the coffee the way you liked it, which meant he definitely paid attention whenever you ordered it.

After basically spending the whole day exploring Lars' house, you settled into the sofa once more with a random book you had picked out of his bookcase. Hearing keys jingle, you lifted your head from the book and saw Lars venture in. You slowly got up, minding both your head and leg, and made your way over to him.

"Hi handsome, how did work go?" You smiled at him, leaning against the doorway.

"It was...eventful. I got thrown up on by pukey." Lars sighed. You laughed and patted his shoulder.

"That was probably hilarious. I'll make dinner while you take a shower." You said, pushing him along to the bathroom.

"Mmmm, fine. But..." He started before he swooped down and kissed you. Your hand flew to his hair, giving it a nice tug. With that came a loud groan. Lars' gripped your waist and pushed you against the wall. His tongue swiped at your lips, which you gladly accepted. You snatched his glasses and tossed them away, squirming slightly as his nails dug your waist. When he pulled away he grinned,

"Looks like I'm not getting my shower in tonight."

[thefrontofmymind]

nothing's changed (teacher!ross x teacher!reader)

a/n: here she is! this was like the longest oneshot i think ive ever written. i would like to thank @hypersonic04 and @abiiors for letting me talk at them about this, i needed the encouragement.

WC: 7.1k

masterlist

The music in the crowded club was overbearing. You were never one for parties in your teenage years, and the same could be said for your two years so far at university. You could hardly think straight. 

Shuffling between the hoards of people–as drunk as you wish you were, just so you could loosen up just a little–balancing the drinks for yourself, your flatmate, and her newest boyfriend. You quickly placed them on the table your group had set up shop at, the three glasses were moments away from slipping between your fingers.

“Last drink here, is that alright?” You flatmate, Ellie, yelled into your ear.

You nodded.

“Okay.” She took a sip of her vodka, lime and soda. “Some of Jack’s friends are at a bar like two minutes away, we were gonna link up with them for a while.”

You just nodded again. You were always going along with her, and her boyfriends’, plans. Ellie was always so much more social than you. You met the first week of your first semester at a Fresher’s party and you’d just clung on since then. 

For you, university was a means to an end, not for fun–because it was always more stressful than fun for you. The end in question; a fulfilled life. Living in a comfortable life with a job that you didn’t have to love, just not hate, in a flat that didn’t have to be the fanciest, just not the dingiest, in a historical city with good enough public transport. 

You downed your drink as fast as you could, just itching to get back to your flat to have a nice shower and to lay in your fresh sheets.

It was colder outside than what you remembered it being like only an hour ago, the wind had picked up and went right through the denim jacket that was wrapped tightly around you.

The three of you walked to the next bar. Jack had an arm around Ellie, pulling her into his side to keep her warm. You walked alone.

“So what are these friends like, then?” You asked on the way.

“They’re so nice! You’ll love them!” Ellie said excitedly. Obviously the four drinks she had at the last club had caught up to her.

“They’re good blokes,” Jack answered. “You’ll like ��em, I think, a lot of them are into music stuff so you’ll get on with them.”

Pretty much the only thing Jack seemed to know about you was that you were studying music teaching, so if some of his friends–who you assumed would be just as…’lad-ish’ as him–had the same interests as you, perhaps this wouldn’t be a total drag of a night. Who knows, maybe you could even get one interesting conversation out of it.

You got through quite quickly, being a group of mostly women, the security guards ushered you three right in. This bar was a bit calmer; not as packed and they were playing music that was more than just electronic beeps over and over again.

Jack pointed out a group huddled in the corner. Probably around 10 people, all laughing with each other.

After multiple introductions of “I’m Ellie’s flatmate” you could finally get to the bar and get another drink. As you were waiting, a figure walked to stand beside you. One of the guys you’d just met, but for the life of you, you couldn’t remember his name in the blur of everyone you’d just met. …Ron? No that’s not right…Chris?

He smiled at you politely. It was only then that you realised you’d just been staring at his face with your eyebrows furrowed in thought. You quickly snapped out of it, focussing your gaze on the bartender who was slowly making her way through the hoard around you.

“So I didn’t catch it…what are you studying?” He asked.

“Music teaching, focusing on secondary school,” you answered.

“That’s cool,” he said. “I’m studying teaching too, history.”

“Are you a second year?”

“No, third. You?”

“Second.”

“Right…that’s why you asked me if I was second…” He said, seemingly mostly to himself. “I’m in a band though.”

“Oh! Really?” You asked with a smile.

Your drink was finally handed to you, but you stood at the bar and waited for…Ryan? To order.

“Yeah, with Matty and Adam over there…” He pointed to the group, though you had no way of knowing which of them was Matty and which was Adam. “I’m the bassist.”

“Always the coolest instrument!” You commented.

Once he’d gotten his pint, you both walked back over to the booth the group was currently occupying. You were glad it was more of a ‘sit down and drink and talk’ kind of bar and not a ‘dance with sweaty strangers in the dark’ kind of one. The man slid onto the end of the booth, before shoving the person next to him to shuffle over, then patting the newly made spot next to him. You sat down. It wasn’t a lot of room, but when he noticed, he kept an arm around your waist to keep you from slipping. The only thing you could think was just how comfortable it all felt.

“So this is Matty, the-uh-singer,” he said pointing to the guy next to him with square-framed glasses and a mop of dark hair on top of his head. A stark contrast from the buzzcut of the man with the arm around you.

“Oh c’mon I’m more than just the singer, Ross!” Ross! It was right on the tip of your tongue!

You barely even thought of Ellie, your safety, the rest of the night. You drank and chatted with Ross and you didn’t think you’d ever enjoyed someone’s company as much as his. Somehow, you both just understood each other, you agreed on everything.

The clock ticked on and the group began to get thinner and thinner. Ellie crouched next to you at your spot in the booth around 3.

“We were thinking of going home,” she said. You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to go back to being lonely and be forced to listen to Ellie and Jack have sex through the wall for the thousandth time. She saw your face. “Please! My feet are killing me and I just want to go home!”

“I’ll be happy to take you home if you don’t want to leave yet?” Ross piped in, looking at you.

You nodded without even thinking.

“Okay!” Ellie said. “See you later!”

Her and Jack were out the door in seconds flat, leaving you now with a group of only four strangers. Well, three strangers and Ross.

You joined in the conversation between the group for a while, but it was getting late and you were starting to get tired. You leant more into Ross, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Want me to take you home?” He whispered to you–now possible with just the last stragglers left in the bar.

You groaned. “Those two are probably fucking, I really don’t want to walk into that.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Well, do you want to come back to mine then?”

You knew what he meant with the question. And it was something you didn’t have to ponder on much at all.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

After saying your ‘goodbye’s and ‘it was great to meet you’s to the group, you and Ross left, his hands never leaving your waist as you let him out onto the street.

“It’s just down this way,” he said, nodding his head to further up the now pretty deserted street. “Couple minutes.”

On any other night, you would’ve been scared to walk around the city at night, but with Ross you just felt so safe. With a constant grip on your hand as you both walked, you never felt unsupported.

His flat was small–expected with him being a student like yourself. You noted the bass sitting on a stand in his living room, and the teetering stack of textbooks next to it.

“Do you want some tea or something?” He asked, moving to his kitchen to click the kettle on and get a bottle of milk out of the fridge. “I also have coffee if you want, but-y’know-it’s a bit late.”

“Tea sounds good,” you answered. “With two sugars, please?”

“Of course,” he said.

As he made the tea, you got comfortable on his sofa–taking off your trainers and settling into the corner of it. You began to daze out, your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. You didn’t even notice them shut completely until you heard a light clank of Ross placing the two mugs on the coffee table. You jumped awake.

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to wake you!” He said.

You moved your legs from taking up the whole sofa so he could sit. Without words he pulled your feet onto his lap, like it was the most natural position in the world.

“I wasn’t asleep!”

“No, you’re right,” he answered. “Snoring with your eyes shut is always the make of someone wide awake.”

“Oh God, was I snoring?” You suddenly felt so insecure. Sure, you felt so comfortable with Ross but you still only met him a few hours prior, it wasn’t time for you to be so…honest.

“A little,” Ross said. “More like little snorts, it was cute.”

You couldn’t help but blush a little. “You’ll need to play me a song one time.” You motioned to the teal bass on the other side of the room.

“Oh, I don’t know…Bass lines are so boring, they're like nothing.”

“Hello? You’re talking to a music student here!” You laughed. “If anyone would appreciate bass, it’s me.”

“One day then…” He grinned.

Conversation was just so easy. Even in your exhausted half-asleep state, you were never bored and it all just flowed so easily. Somehow talking to Ross–now alone–woke you up.

You weren’t sure when it happened, but somehow, you’d scooched down the whole length of the sofa, and were perched in Ross’ lap, wrapped in his arms.

Your faces were so close together, it would’ve been weird if you didn’t kiss him. And boy, were you glad you did. You've watched so many movies throughout your life where they talk about fireworks with the perfect kiss, and you thought it was just a movie cliche, until now. His kiss was warm, but somehow at the same time, like a breeze of fresh air. There was no awkward shuffling around, you both just fit together so well.

You felt his tongue swipe across your lips, you opened them. As the kiss got deeper and deeper, you both got more and more handsy–roaming around each others’ bodies, discovering every curve and outline of each other.

Eventually you had to part for a proper breath, though you didn’t stray far, keeping your forehead resting against his.

“Hi,” you said once you’d both opened your eyes again.

“Hi,” he chuckled.

You wanted to go further, you really did, but fatigue was hitting all your muscles at once, you couldn’t go on.

“I’m sorry…I’m really tired,” you said.

“Don’t apologise, it’s okay,” Ross answered. “Do you want to just go to bed here?”

You nodded. “Do you have like a shirt or something I could change into?”

“Yeah, of course.”

It felt like when you were a kid after a long summer day, so exhausted and yearning for the comfort of rest. Ross’ bed welcomed you well, so cosy and soft you practically sank into it.

You’d never gotten to sleep easier than that night, in the arms of a stranger who you felt like you’d known forever.

~~~

You thought after you were out of school, the end of summer wouldn’t affect you as much. Though you didn’t take into account that the end of summer would mean the start of your working year.

For some reason you were nervous–a new school with new students and new coworkers to meet, but that wasn’t something foreign to you. It was your sixth school, your second as a full time teacher. This time you were replacing a retiree, big shoes to fill.

You walked through the hall that would take you to your class, a route you took a couple times during the summer to prep the room and make sure you knew the layout just a little–though the ladies in the reception office were kind enough to give you a printout of a map of the school, you never were all that great with anything visual.

You got there early, there was a staff meeting before the start of the day and you wouldn’t miss it for the world. After setting up the room for your first class, Year 9’s, you headed off. You weren’t alone in the route, a woman about your age came out of the room next to yours.

“You must be the new music teacher!” She said. “I’m Lou, drama teacher.”

After introducing yourself, you both walked together. You couldn’t quite hide your nerves, you’d never been able to hide any emotion well.

“Don’t be nervous, alright?” She placed a reassuring hand on your forearm. “After the old bag Higgins before you, the bar could not be any lower.”

“So I won’t be hazed or anything?” You joked.

“God, no! Some of us threw a party the day he announced his retirement!”

You smiled. At least now some of your fears were alleviated.

But just as some fear left you, your blood ran cold with shock as you walked into the staff room. Standing at the coffee machine, was the man you hadn’t seen since you were in university, the man that still had the power to shatter your heart into a million pieces now over a decade after you last spoke. Ross.

He was bigger–burlier–than before. And his hair was long, tied up neatly in a small bun on the crown of his head. You were surprised at how he pretty much looked the exact same, just different. You could tell his skin had seen a good handful of sunny days, and as he squinted to look at the screen of the fancy coffee machine, you could see the lines on the corners of his eyes that showed a decade full of smiles and laughter.

Lou stared at you, as you stared at him. You were frozen in place, silent as a church mouse. Once the new figure had caught his eye, he saw you.

“Hi…” He said. And seemingly without thinking, his feet brought him to stand in front of you and his arms independently wrapped you in a hug–a hug you hadn’t had in years.

“It’s been forever!” You squeezed him as tight as you could.

In the elation you felt, you realised that a coworker who you’d only known for about five minutes was still standing next to you two.

“So you know each other then?” She asked.

“We went to uni together!” Ross grinned. How you missed his smile.

The headmistress, Janine–your boss–entered the staff room.

“I see you’re getting to know the rest of the team,” she said, sternly.

“Old friends catching up, Janine,” Ross answered.

The whole staff sat down at the tables around the room as Janine called to attention. You panicked for a second–suddenly you were back to worrying about who to sit with–until Ross pulled a chair next to the one he’d settled in.

~~~

You woke up to glaring sunlight, and an unfamiliar bed. You quickly put the pieces together from the night before; the bar, and Ross, and his flat. 

You could hear his TV on through the closed bedroom door. You didn’t know why you were trying to be quiet, maybe somehow Ross forgot about your existence and you didn’t want to frighten him. Opening the door, you were met with the sight of Ross on the sofa, watching an old episode of Gavin And Stacey.

“Good morning,” you said, all gravelly.

“Morning.”

He didn’t look at all ill at ease, unlike you. He was ever so relaxed lounging on the sofa with his legs taking up the whole length of it.

“Can I sit?” You asked.

He patted his lap. It was a bold move, but one that you wouldn’t say no to. You laid on top of him on the sofa, shuffling a little to get comfortable. You instantly felt warmer as he held you. 

“I’m sorry about last night?” You said.

“What d’you mean?”

“Like you bringing me here and then us not…you know.”

“Oh, don’t apologise,” he scoffed. “I didn’t…ask for it.”

“Well you kind of did…”

“I was doing a favour for a friend,” he answered. “You needed a place to stay, and I had a place.”

“So we’re friends then…” You said–more to yourself than to Ross.

“If you want to be.” You felt his hand on the small of your back grip like the tiniest bit tighter.

“I don’t know if I could be just a friend,” You said. “But I’m not…ready to be more than a friend.”

“I’m sure we could figure out an arrangement.”

And you kissed him. Even with the morning breath and the awkward angle, it had as much heat and fire as you kiss from the night before. This was definitely something you couldn’t give up.

~~~

Ross was kind enough to walk you back to your class. ‘In case you get lost’ was his reasoning–not that you complained. You two got right back into the rhythm of the past, talking like you hadn’t spent years desperately not trying to look each other up to see what you both were up to.

It was kind of strange. It was like you’d been transported back to being your nineteen year old self again, anxiety and all. Though like then, simply Ross’ presence was enough to calm you. It was muscle memory, walking close enough to him to feel the warmth off his skin and keeping the pace to keep up with him.

Saying goodbye to him at your door, it was hard to not ask him to stay–like old times, though now he really couldn’t stay, and no badgering and begging would be able to convince him.

You just couldn’t fathom your luck. Out of thousands of schools you could’ve worked at, the one that hired you was the one he worked at. You thought you would never see him again after…everything. You didn’t realise that you were very well close to losing that vivid memory of his face, his smile, the joy he brought to a room.

Your morning lessons were spent trying not to think of him. You were working, you had to focus. Your students weren’t nearly as intimidating as you thought they would be, it seems they all had the same sentiment for your predecessor as your coworkers had. 

And by lunchtime, you already had a few favourites. A group of Year 10s who sat at the very front of the room and constantly asked you questions about yourself instead of the material you were teaching–Hayley, Daniel and Lily. You told them a little; where you grew up, the music you liked as a teenager, and you may have let it slip that you knew a teacher, though you managed to catch yourself before letting them in on who. You didn’t quite know how to approach all this, you didn’t know quite what you could say. You should talk to Ross first, it won’t be an easy conversation but it has to be talked out.

You didn’t have to wait long, because as you sat at the desk in your classroom, fiddling with the salad you brought from home while going over your lesson plans, you heard a knock on the door.

“Yes?” You said, trying to put on your best ‘teacher voice’.

“It’s me.” A voice you recognised very well.

Ross stepped into your classroom–oh so gently, as if his steps had the capability to break the floorboards. He took a seat at the desk closest to you. 

“So how’s everything so far?” He asked. “No one giving you trouble?”

“Couldn’t ask for better pupils,” you answered with a smile.

“Good…I’d have to tell them off otherwise.”

You laughed. “I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that!”

“Oh c’mon you know I’m not scary…” He leant in to whisper to you. “Just don’t tell all them.”

You were surprised at just how natural it all came back to the two of you, falling back into that groove. You had a great sense of relief, gaining more and more with each playful quip.

Though soon enough you heard the bell that meant the end of lunchtime, and Ross had to go back to his classroom.

“So I’ll see you, then,” you said to him.

“Yeah, coworker,” he smiled.

~~~

You got into a routine with Ross. You acted like friends most of the time, but with enough liquor or loneliness running through you, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You loved the exhilaration of sneaking away on nights out with your amalgamation of friends to get up to filthy things at whoever’s flat was closer–or a public bathroom or two if it was just too far of a trek.

All your friends pretended not to notice your looks at each other, not because they disapproved, it just wasn’t something you two either spoke about–even when Ross would spend the night at your flat and Ellie would get a fright in the morning seeing him making two cups of tea in the kitchen. It was more like an open secret, something people only knew about if they really paid attention.

You both still went on dates with other people, that was part of the appeal. You only wanted flings, and it seemed that no one else was on the same page as you–apart from Ross. And it worked the other way too, you knew Ross would go on just as many first dates as you, though he never really divulged to you like you did to him. You worried he didn’t want to hurt your feelings–like you could have your feelings hurt…

You were never as happy when you weren’t with him, sweaty and basking in the afterglow. You told each other everything, all your secrets, all your stories from your childhoods, everything you hoped for in the future. Something with the two of you just fit, call it fate or whatever else you believe in, but somehow you met at just the right time for it all to come together perfectly. Well, almost perfectly.

“Did you have any boyfriends when you were in school?” He asked one morning when you both had nowhere to be and made yourselves very comfortable in his bed.

“Jealous?” You laughed.

“Just making conversation…” He explained with a smile.

“There was one, Will, he was nice…” You answered. “And no one else of much importance.”

“Well what made him so important?” Ross asked.

“He was my first boyfriend, my first love, you know?”

Ross sighed. “Not really, not been in love before.”

“Really? Not ever?” You asked in disbelief.

“I guess I’ve just been too busy for it,” he answered.

You felt bad. As much as love had hurt you, it was a good kind of hurt, the kind you need in your life.

“It’s not that bad,” he continued. “I don’t lead a totally sad life.”

“I know…”

~~~

Your spine felt like jelly as you cleaned up your classroom after the end of the school day on your first Friday. A couple of the teachers you’d gotten close with had planned a little night out to welcome you–Ross included–and as much as you appreciated the gesture, nights out were never really your thing. You wondered if Ross told them, you wondered if they knew at all about your history. Though he was never much one for confrontation, that must’ve been it.

You were going to get a ride with Lou. You realised you both lived just a street away from each other and you really didn’t feel like forking out your entire life savings for one Uber ride. She’d become a sort of guardian angel for you–showing you the ropes in your first week. You had Ross as well, and he helped when he could, but you pretty much resided on opposite sides of the school and you couldn’t exactly go all the way to him every time you had a question or query. You’d gotten comfortable with your coworkers at school but not out of that very controlled environment, a night out would show the real you.

You’d chewed the ends of your fingers raw once you’d gotten home to shower and get properly ready. You were very quickly going into a spiral. What if I say something wrong? What if I get too drunk? What if I don’t get drunk enough and don’t enjoy myself? What if Ross has told them everything?

You checked your phone as you were waiting for your post-shower skincare to sink in. There was a text from Lou just to confirm your address and then another text from a contact you haven’t seen for years.

looking forward to tonight! see you there! -Ross

It took you by surprise. Not the message, itself, but the notion that he would have to sign off on a text, otherwise you wouldn’t know who it was. You smiled at the thought of him worrying that after all these years you’d deleted his number from your phone, and then when you realised he had kept your number just as long. You typed a reply.

you know me! buzzing for it! (no really, you know me…i’m giving it a go)

A bubble popped up immediately, showing he was typing. Like touching a hot pan, you instinctively threw your phone onto your bed the second you saw it. After a minute or so you looked at your phone again. No notifications. Must’ve been a mistake, you thought.

You got ready for the night. You hadn’t worn this much makeup in ages, but you thought for a special night, you should make the effort.

Lou was at your doorstep with an Uber in tow at 7 o’clock on the dot. You’d been so frantic with getting ready for the night and feeding your cat, Benny, and giving him enough attention to last him until you’d get home, you hadn’t checked your phone after that dreaded but brief conversation with Ross. You saw a text from him sent an hour after your last message.

good to know nothings changed!

With a yell of “bye, Benny!” you left with Lou.

“So now that we’re not working…” She started. “Can you tell me how you and Ross…know each other?”

You let out an awkward laugh. You did tell her that you couldn’t talk about it at school, you had the fear of God in you that a student could walk by at any moment and hear it all. But still, you hadn’t spoken to Ross about it, you didn’t want to overstep and embarrass him.

“We knew each other during uni,” you answered.

“Well I already knew that!” She said–a little too loud.

You laughed with her. “What has he told you?”

“That you two were friends…But I’m not stupid, I saw the way you two looked at each other.”

“It’s not my place to tell you everything.”

“So there is a story there!” She yelled.

You couldn’t help but laugh again, though not without a tinge of fear that that was enough for her to know everything in some psychic link between the two of you that you were unaware of.

The pub wasn’t far, you arrived at the curb in about fifteen minutes. Lou checked her phone as you both climbed out of the modern sedan.

“I got messages from Tracy and Nathan, they’re already here, and…Leanne isn’t far away.” She said. Upper English, Social Studies, and Phys Ed, respectively. You hadn’t met a single teacher so far who you didn’t like, everyone was so welcoming to you. Janine, the headmistress and your boss, on the other hand…It wasn’t that she didn’t like you, you figured she just liked things done a certain way and you didn’t exactly fit the mould there.

It was pretty busy inside–not a surprise for 7 o’clock on a Friday night–but it didn’t take you long to see the group who all excitedly yelled their ‘hello’s to you. You quickly got settled with a drink in the booth that Tracy was lucky enough to snag in the lively pub. Soon the group got bigger and bigger. Still, you had yet to see the man who could not stop invading your mind. 

By 9:30, you were yearning to see him–in all his newly grown-up glory.

At ten, you had become resigned to the fact that he was just not going to show up. All your worry and effort was for nothing. You didn’t think he would be like this, he was never like this. After his texts, and then his resounding absence, you truly didn’t know what he was getting at. You just wanted to hole up in your bed and try to forget this whole embarrassing ordeal.

“I think I’m gonna head home,” you said to Lou–admittedly slurring a little, time seemed to pass quicker, the more drinks you had.

“Would you mind going alone? I don’t-I’m not ready to leave just yet,” she answered, just as intelligible as you.

“No worries.” You pulled up the Uber app on your phone as you stepped out of the pub. You pulled your jacket closer to your body as a shiver ran up your spine, it was just beginning to get colder, though you could only really tell during the later hours.

The street was busy, people walking–or stumbling–by you, trying to find the next bar in their nightly crawl. Somehow, you got caught between two people at the most perfect–or imperfect–time. You tripped on one passerby’s foot and saw the pavement get shakily closer. 

Until two firm hands caught you by your shoulders.

“You alright, darling?” You could recognise that voice anywhere.

“Hi,” you said, finally looking up at Ross. There was a panicked look in his eye. “Yeah, you?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he answered. You steadied yourself on your feet and you both floated closer to the front of the pub you were just in to avoid the foot traffic. “Sorry I’m late, Matty–you remember Matty?–his girlfriend broke up with him the other week and he’s been having a hard time, there was a crisis.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to come, he couldn’t.

“It’s all good,” you grinned. “I was actually just about to head off though…Tired.”

He let out a knowing chuckle. “Well could I come home with you?” He saw your eyes widen for just a second. “I mean, I was only coming to catch up with you…Pretty hard to do if you’re not there…”

“I’ve just ordered an Uber,” you said without even thinking. Not like you had to think, the answer would always be a ‘yes’.

You couldn’t stop looking at him while you waited for the car. He looked more confident than when you’d seen him last, like he was easily carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders–and was happy to do so. You barely even noticed that your hand was in his until he squeezed it to get your attention.

“You alright?” He asked. “With all this?”

You didn’t quite know what he meant. With the job, this night out, or him. But the answer was the same for all of the above. You nodded. He smiled, and in an act that felt as natural as breathing, he brought your hands up to his lips to place a kiss on the back of your much-too-cold hand. It was the kind of kiss you’d see with a couple married for decades, nothing too passionate but with just enough love–that frightened you just a little, if you were completely honest.

The ride was silent. You daren’t utter a word for fear that Ross would know how you felt about his warm palm planted firmly on your thigh.

At your flat, you made tea for the two of you. You couldn’t help but reminisce on the first night you knew him, when he brought you back to his tiny flat in the middle of Manchester and was kind enough to be your friend. It was strange how your life seemed so cyclical.

It was quite cold in your flat, you always worried if you turned on the heating when you were out that Benny would get too hot. Speaking of the dark grey feline, you noticed him jump when you came home not alone, he quickly retreated to his cat tree in the corner of your living space. You just laughed and told Ross that he did that with everyone he didn’t know.

You handed Ross his cup of tea–no sugar with just a splash of milk and eye-wateringly strong–and sat down on the sofa next to him. 

You were transported to that night in your second year of uni, the night you started your friendship with Ross. A night when you could’ve been swallowed whole by your loneliness, but were instead embraced by a stranger who you very much grew to…like. A lot…

“So…” You sighed once you were comfortable. “How’s Matty doing?”

“He’s alright…Just…you remember what he’s like…” He answered.

You laughed. “Always…”

“He’s alright though…Just has his moments…” He chuckled. “And then I told him I was going to see you and he got excited.”

“What? And you weren’t excited to see me?” There was a sudden streak of courage running through you.

“I’m always happy to see you, love.” He was laughing, but you both knew there was truth in his statement.

“Good,” you smiled. “Got a bit upset when I thought you wouldn’t show.”

It suddenly dawned on you the glaringly obvious fact that instantly snapped you out of whatever trance you were in. You were coworkers. You had to be professional, even if it was him.

Now his smile–one you could just about read as giddy–made your heart drop into your stomach. His eyes were so soft, a glaze over them–not from tears, just admiration for who he was looking at. Your smile faltered. Ross noticed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sounding very serious.

“I…” You didn’t quite know how to phrase it. “We can’t…It’s not…professional.”

He sighed, then stayed silent for a moment.

“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to,” you continued. “But if anyone found out…it would be hell.”

“Well then how about we just don’t tell anyone?” He asked quickly. 

The question was enough for your body–independently from your mind–to launch across the sofa and into Ross’ lap. You placed a gentle hand on his cheek. You weren’t used to his now-thicker beard, it was much smoother and softer than his old stubble. 

Kissing him was like returning back to your childhood home after years of not visiting. You still knew him so well–his taste and  the softness of his lips, it was so familiar to you.

As you deepened the kiss, your tongues now well into exploring the familiar landscapes of each other’s lips, your hand that was so firmly planted on his cheek travelled further back. On some kind of instinct your fingers laced through the hair at the back of his neck, tugging just a little on the roots. Ross let out a deep moan into your mouth, you couldn’t help but grin a little into the kiss. Duly noted.

~~~

It was the first day of spring when you finally had the realisation that sent a shock down your spine. As the flower buds began to grow it became apparent that you only had a couple short months before Ross would graduate. You’d had conversations back when the only way to get warm was to be in his embrace, his plan was London. A city with more job opportunities than you knew what to do with. 

It was like all of a sudden you were dreading seeing him, like you were putting off the last time. You couldn’t admit it to yourself then, but you knew that his impending departure would be heartbreaking.

After three days of radio silence, you found him sitting on the curb in front of your building. You were frozen in your spot.

“Sorry, I know this is kinda weird of me,” he said, standing up from his place on the concrete. “You haven’t answered my texts, I got worried.”

Your heart both warmed, and shattered even more at the same time. It was getting dark, and it wasn’t quite the time of year for warmer nights yet.

“Sorry, I’ve been…” You couldn’t quite think of an end to that sentence. You let him into the flat with you.

Ellie was out for the night, so you planned for a night alone–a feast for one in the reusable bag you placed on the kitchen counter. Ross slid off his shoes at the door–something he always did–and got comfortable on your sofa. As you put away the groceries you heard your TV turn on the flicking of switching channels. There was something so domestic about it. You let yourself daydream for a moment that this could be your life if you so pleased, putting away groceries while Ross watched TV. You snapped out of the fantasy when he spoke.

“GoldenEye is on!” He called out to you. You’d had many conversations about your favourite movies as kids, and all the James Bond movies were his–as well as the video game.

You floated to the sofa after everything was safely in its place. You’d watched the latter half of the film all the way to the end credits without even realising. Somewhere along the way, you’d gotten comfortable in Ross’ embrace–a common home for you as of late. Your cheek was beginning to hurt from laying on his chest watching the small TV on the other side of the room.

Ross wriggled a little, so you sat up, realising just how tired you were. With a stretch and a yawn, you let him sit up properly. The film was a nice distraction for a little while.

“I’m sorry,” you said after a much-too-long silence between the two of you.

“For what?” He asked.

“You know what,” you answered. “I’m just…not dealing well.”

“I got that,” he chuckled. “I am too. But what do we do?”

“I don’t know…” You said, your final word cracking as your eyes welled with tears.

Ross was immediately engulfing you in one of his almost-bone-crushing hugs, and you let the tears fall. 

“I didn’t mean to get like this,” you said through sobs.

“I know.”

“And I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I know,” he repeated. “We were good while it lasted, eh?”

“So that’s it?”

He’d finally pulled away again, giving you the chance to wipe your tears and snotty nose on your sleeves. You looked at him, he was just as teary with such an…apologetic look on his face.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” he said.

“Can you at least stay for the night?”

“Of course.”

~~~

You went back to work on Monday with a spring in your step. You spent the whole weekend in your flat, just the two of you. It was like before, only better. The sex was better, the conversations were so easy,  you were right back where you were, and you couldn’t be happier about it.

Ross left your flat late on Sunday night, and you hadn’t spoken to him since then. Granted, it had only been around twelve hours, you were still itching to see him again. Not the time, though, you had a job to do, so you tried not to think of him.

At the start of morning break, you were stuck in your classroom helping out a student, Daniel, on some of his homework. Though you were happy to help him out, he and his small group had been so nice to you and you’d already found yourself getting carried away with conversations with the three of them during most of your Year 10 lessons in the past week.

You heard a knock on the doorframe, three firm knocks, to be exact.

“Yes?” You asked. You hoped you knew who it would be, and you were right. You watch Ross walk in, dressed in a crisp light blue button-up and the hair that you’d been pulling on all weekend was neatly tied up into a small bun. “Ah, Mr MacDonald!”

You saw the look of panic in his eyes as he noticed the 14 year-old boy that was standing at your desk with you. He straightened up a little and pulled a smile you could go wobbly-kneed over.

“Hi Mr MacDonald…” Daniel said.

“Hello, Daniel,” he answered. “Not causing any trouble?”

You saw a cheeky grin shared between the two of them. It warmed your heart at thinking of Ross having in-jokes with students, you knew he was a good teacher.

“I promise,” Daniel laughed.

“Good, or else I’ll have something to do about it.” Ross slyly winked to you, making you have to stifle the giggle that almost erupted from your lips.

“Won’t be a minute,” you said to him.

“No worries,” Ross answered, taking a seat at his usual desk for your break-meetings, the one closest to your desk in the front corner of the room. Taking out the packet of crisps from his bag and trying to eat them with as minimal crunches as possible–as to not disturb you.

You didn’t fail to notice the wide eyes of the student in front of you. You had to keep from laughing until he’d left the room.

“Well that rumour’ll be all over school by lunch,” Ross laughed.

“You think?” 

“Oh yeah, I know that kid, he’ll be flipping his shit about it!”

“Does it worry you?” You asked, but Ross looked confused. “Rumours…that we’re together and all that.”

“Well they’re true aren’t they?”

“That’s not the point, I just don’t want to jeopardise our jobs or anything.”

“If someone asks, we can just say it’s a rumour,” he answered. He caught your brief look of worry for just a split-second. “Hey? That doesn’t mean I don’t…love you any less.”

You couldn’t fight the Cheshire cat smile that spread across your face. “Really?”

“Of course. We can just tell them when we’re ready.”

[steelycunt]

sorry if you’ve been asked this a thousand times, but how is it going with your pride au? so excited for, still thinking about the little snippet you posted a while ago. 

hi no not at all!! honestly love being asked about it it makes me very happy when people do because i like talking about it : ^ ) rambled a bit so ill put it under the cut with a little snippet!!

it’s going well thank you!! ive done quite a bit in the last couple of weeks by my own standards, and im looking at the last leg of chapter two now!! im quite a slow writer n will probably have to ease off soon for uni stuff, but as it stands the five chapters look like they will be about 20k each give or take a few thousand!! currently i have done about 31/32k so it’s already the longest thing ive ever written…truthfully though i think 95k is far too long so hopefully itll be reduced when i redraft it all. but yah!! having a lot of fun…chapter two is where it starts getting really fun (for me. hopefully it’s fun from chapter one for other people or we’re in trouble) i think chapter one and the start of two stressed me out a bit because there’s a lot more plot and a big ensemble cast im really not used to writing, but a lot of the major details have been established now!! and im really enjoying it...im quite happy with what im writing and im looking forward to being able to share it : ^ )

i.

ii.

[slightlyunconventional]

I’m ngl lmao I genuinely did like a quintuple take when I saw your tags on the “what do you remember by as a writer?” post say it might be a long shot bc you haven’t written a ton. I think your fic masterlist is one of the longest I’ve ever seen on snzblr, and the fics are sooo good!

From time to time, I’ll go back and reread some of my favorites or just all the Sh/ado/w and B/one fics (despite never having seen or read the series!), and I always end up being extremely tempted to try getting into the fandom sometime just bc your fics are so enjoyable and you make the characters, their dynamics, and little glimpses into the plot/missions/etc seem so fun! They always come to mind whenever I see the names Ka/z or In/ej anywhere lmao

“Bound” is probably the one I remember best and, ig I’m not sure on the Statistical Accuracy, but I honestly always tend to think of it as one of the most iconic fics in snzblr, esp since I remember seeing it be reblogged a lot and people absolutely dying in the tags lmaoo. One of very few fics I know by name without even needing a second to try to remember it. And I’m usually really not a pollen girlie! But it’s SO well-executed and hot. “Tease” comes to mind for me a lot when thinking about snz while hiding scenarios, esp ones where 1+ character has supernatural/magical abilities

Generally, I definitely remember your writing for being SO good with characters teasing/flirting/being charismatic and smooth (all things I feel like can be really hard to pull off!), kink!chars, struggle to keep composure (love seeing all the ways in which Ka/z, resident composed and collected man, ends up disheveled and a lil pitiful lmao), power dynamics, snz while hiding, wide variety of causes and scenarios that are all bangers, and snz that is Very Well Done and I am Looking So Respectfully at ahdjhajdhsjsba

Oh. My. God. hi

this is genuinely such insane high praise i am seriously about to cry reading this 😭but oh my god yes 100% watch s/ab its well worth it i love it so much ajshsjd

AND LIKE??? this actually means so much to me you’ve complimented me on everything in my writing that im always unsure about SO IM SO. AAHHH RN!!!!?!!!? i always struggle with dialogue and trying to make characters seem “natural” i guess?? like when it comes to how characters actually act i always sort of hit a brick wall so it genuinely makes me so happy and reassured to hear that it Isnt Actually That Bad !!

and yeah i think bound is probably one of my favourite things ive written . ever so it makes me so happy that you also like it AAAAHHHH NO STOP THIS IS THE SWEETEST MESSAGE IVE EVER HAD i appreciate you so much

[annanother-thing]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

@starquestingfordrarry ahhh thank you for tagging me, these are such good questions!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41 +1 unrevealed +6 that ive hidden

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

238,631

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only harry potter atm but i have written other fandoms before and i am psyching myself up to write some pjo/hoo next year

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Best Kept - drarry, secret relationship, EWE, E, 7k

How Does Your Garden Grow - wolfstar, modern au, T, 1.6k (this was the first hp fic i ever wrote back in 2016!)

Sparks - drarry, soulmates au, secret relationship, E, 20k

White in the Darkness - wolfstar, established relationship, possessive!remus, E, 7k

Maybe Love Could Be A Verb - wolfstar, getting together, idiots to lovers, E, 16k (my first fic coming back to fandom last year!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not as much as i should... i hate replying to comments when my work is still anon and i swear this year all ive done is anon fests and then i forget to reply when reveals happen and then my inbox gets super full and i get overwhelmed...

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oooh probably Invisible, Inescapable - ghost!reg, house magic, 16k, M - or Non-Existent Hearts Still Bleed - mostly canon compliant Pansy character study, 8k, M

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhh most of them? i dont tend to write sad things

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not so far!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. all of it. mostly queer but i have done some m/f but mostly in triads and that one tomione dead dove. currently in the middle of kinktober so smut is on the brain

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

no theyve never been my vibe

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! well, someone asked, idk if they actually did it. it was my pansromione choir fic from pride fest

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the day i co-wrote one with my then-best friend - i think it was the first fic i ever uploaded...

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

nope. impossible question. my ogs are wolfstar and drarry, but i also adore pansmione/pansromione, fleurinny, ginsy, jegulus, jegulily... so many ships so little time...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i tried to do nano with original fiction several times and none of them really stuck, which im sad about because some of the ideas were banging - lesbian vampires through time, anyone?

16. What are your writing strengths?

ok this is the hardest question by far...

i think i am quite good at the introspection, and characters having to think through their situations, figure out how they actually feel. i blame all the therapy...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

confidence and run on sentences. i was editing a fic yesterday and found a sentence that was nearly half a page...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i dont mind it, but i think it has to fit the story. but one of my pet peeves is when people but dialogue in another language and then put the translation in the chapter notes - i have a goldfish brain and by the time i get to the end of the chapter i have forgotten what the dialogue was about

19. First fandom you wrote for?

kingsman back in like 2014/5

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

dont make me choose between my babies! maybe the one that i cant talk about yet (i feel its the most up to date representation of my writing at the moment), maybe my wolfstar witcher!au (longest uploaded fic, and i really struggled to finish it but im so proud of myself for getting there), maybe my soulmate fest one (i was so not happy with it but everyone seemed to like it and it reminds me that i am my own worst critic)

Tagging: @gloivy @uncannycerulean @silently--here @tracingpatternswrites <3

[oloreandil]

20 Q's for Fic Writers

tagged by: @chameliyun, thank you so much <33

1 - How many works do you have on ao3?

131 works so far ! 97 of them are for haikyuu!! and i cannot wait to celebrate my 100 hq fics hehe

2 - What's your total ao3 word count?

323,624 words :0 i didn't think it'd be that much, i tend to write short things, i'm excited to have written so many words !!!

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

i have posted for haikyuu, death note, bnha, yuri on ice, free, breath of fire iv, and fairy tale for some unknown reason XD but i have unposted / unfinished fanfic for a bunch of other things like hunter x hunter or fma

4 - What are your top five fics by kudos?

chat me up has always been my most popular fic and tbh ? yeah i see why XD it is one of the most fun and chatfics were popular at the time. after that come ...or not, blue like the sky, silent trust and saw my momma dad cheese

5 - Do you respond to comments?

yes !! fandom is a community first and foremost for me, and posting is also a way to interact. comments are immensely lovely to get and answer !!

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh probably love me right ?? it's kinda the angstiest i've written... ever. but some nights is also. bad end. solely by virtue of being post apo and not very optimistic about it. i wanna rewrite it someday because i actually really liked that AU and it's not the best right now hmmm

7 - What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

honestly hasetsu tour guides (which is a series but shhh) is the happiest thing i've written ?? it's not the most fun in terms of plot but everyone is content with their life in a way i've not really written a lot

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

nope, not well known enough XD and i'm not complaining about it

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do ! i have no clue if there's a specific kind i stick to though, most of it isn't even posted or even written past heavy planning. trans cyborg smut is on its way though @notsuchasecret :3

10 - Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have written or co-written a NUMBER of crossovers. most are not on ao3 yet (or... ever...) but i have posted death note x snow white and hxh x little red riding hood, so. however i do think that owari no seraph x the frog princess (the russian fairy tale) is the wildest one so far !

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge, but that'd be kinda funny tbh ? imagine coming across your own obscure niche things in the wild. i'd almost be more disappointed it's not a new fic for my teeny fandom corner lmao

12 - What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

the shortest would probably be a couple hours, for guardian of his king (written in a fugue state at like 3am, after Syb shared the drawing that inspired it. two of us fell in a trance btw, this was a POTENT artwork). the longest... i don't dare calculate... but it is measured in years and i haven't even started writing yet <3

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

if you count detailed planning and extensive oral storytelling, many !! my best friend and i are very prolific behind the scenes, to her dismay XD. i thiiiiiink she is the only co-writer i have had ? but i LOVE doing group fics and i'd love to do it with other people

14 - What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms?

"you ask questions i have no answers to" is what i was gonna say and then my brain went "well apart from bokuaka which has to be out of the competition-" so i may have an answer actually hahaha

15 - What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oooh my god that naruto fountain of youth AU is never gonna be written. i have so so so much planned and i sift through and add more from time to time, but like... i pick my battles a little more wisely than this behemoth

16 - What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure ! i do think writing dialogue is easier for me than most other things, and i love doing fun formatting / narrative constraints

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

i forget to put down half of the words on the paper so my sentences make no sense and it's horrible to edit <- loves editing. doesn't love when i reread myself and every five sentences i have to think "who tf wrote this and what the hell does it mean. how do you go from here to there ??? oh wait i forgot a sentence again"

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

english isn't my first language. i write dialogue in another language 99% of the time. i don't think this question really takes into account the amount of ESL writers who are basically always doing this

to stay closer to what the question was meant to ask though, i have written sentences, in the middle of english fics, in languages that me or most readers don't speak. it is usually either a LONG process of looking up grammar rules, vocabulary, existing sentences etc... or what i did once, "write with mistakes because the person is learning the language still"

it is good imo to have characters speak their native tongue, or to add your own HCs onto characters and make them speak in their new native tongue, but it can be done more or less respectfully and more or less clearly. how do you include a translation, if at all ? is it jarring in the flow of your fic ? what about inserting song lyrics in another language ? it's a case by case basis for me tbh, and as a reference i really love how yuri on ice did it during the anime

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

i don't recall what i first wrote for exactly but i first posted for death note in 2015 :0 a while back !!

20 - Favourite fic you've written?

i don't have one at the moment, my criteria isn't defined enough these days. maybe some will jump out more later as they did in the past but for now i can say i love most of my children equally lmao

it took me a while to answer, sorry, and i'm too tired to tag anyone but DO feel free to say i tagged you if you wanna do it !!!!!!!

[misqnon]

its... its... its marchm.... its march OFF anon... u can keep calling me march if u want. or rowan.. im not picky.. i have many names.. i keep writing these when im very tired and i get super rambly,, forgive me..

idk i think enemies to lovers is just .. i get too angry... when they're actually enemies.. im the type to REALLY hold a grudge and like. file away every single wrong done to me.. and i cant help but also do that with fictional characters. yeah i swear im healthy... i swear... YOUD DO THAT FOR ME?? and how ... how could i ever repay u.. but actually do whatever u want!! i do Not Like telling ppl what to do LMAO because i hate it when its done to me (i might have a bit of pda autism). if u did hanyagellan fanfic for me i would be eternally grateful and probably Die. but if u didnt i would be perfectly fine :)

i forgot kidd doesnt really appear much til wano .. i read wano ages ago so he is just like . a permanent member in my brain now. i think of him and luffy and law as a trio and then i remember that wait.. it was only luffy and law for the longest time... anyways hes awesome. he definitely has tits to rival zoro. and killer is also awesome.. i love killer. in my head killer is a very nice sweet guy. and then i remember his name is apparently massacre soldier killer. and that kidd and his crew murder innocent people. and its like oh right ... theyre not just.. funny little guys ... they're evil funny little guys... also kidd is SCOTTISH?? imagine him with that accent. wonderful. perfect. it suits him so well.

ive seen t4t frobin and i do Love it. i do.. i also love tjem as just wonderful allies. idk either way theyre lovely

i also read on tcbscans!!! i dont really read the comments all that much (shockingly, because i love to read comments on other platforms) but IM SO GLAD!! UVE HEARD IT!!!

oda has..... a Problem.... looks at mitsutoshi shimabukuro and nobuhiro watsuki. (pedophiles he has supported) anyways yeah it's like . its .. its so disgusting. i loved kyros so much and like . it was ruined!!! it was ruined for me!!! WHY in my favorite arc. i think its valid to count shirahoshi. there is literally no reason to make it so the underage characters are supposed be attractive. they did it with rebecca too,, like she couldve easily just worn leather or something under her armor. but she didnt. shes supposed to be sexy. as a 16 year old. and actually it gets worse later in the story!! so look forward to that!! /s

MORE TONIGHT HELL YEAH!!!! (by the time i finish writing this u will probably have already read the chapters LOL). i actually adore chiffon and lola (i saw u talk abt this so..) and i also think its bc theyre not meant to be attractive. oda can only write women well when theyre not supposed to be sexy (im exaggerating bc nami and robin are well written, its just. theyre not as dynamic and interesting after the time skip). also i Love bege and chiffons weird little baby . he has stubble . wonderful. i love that bege baby talks to him unashamedly. an actually good father in one piece?? its rare but it DOES happen!!

i actually watched the first episode of the live action today!!! and yeah i decided i do NOT like mackenyu's acting as zoro. i dont really blame mackenyu for it bc i assume its an issue with the producers or writers or whatever wanting to make him more badass,, but i kind of cant stand it. he has the cool guy vocal fry.... i hate it... i hate that. i looked up videos of mackenyu in like. regular settings! and he seems like a genuinely cool person!! i think if he could channel his regular energy into zoro more.. it would be perfect . i would say that is the perfect zoro. to be fair though he could relax a bit with the cool guy thing later on in the show and i just don't know it yet bc i only watched episode one (holding out hope that thats what happens). overall . besides my issues with zoro being too cool n serious and monotone.. it was actually really enjoyable!! the kobylu moment where theyre stargazing together?? hello??? hello???? for the record i dont really ship kobylu but i do enjoy the ship.. does that distinction make sense.. i hope it does. and also zoro has freckles. i cant get over that... freckles ... he has freckles.. there r a few choices i didnt like (that i cant remember rn) but it was a fun watch!!!!

I WOULD SHOW U BUT . BUT ITS JUST .. ITS JUST HER HEAD .. I DIDNT DRAW SHOULDERS OR ANYTHING... i just wanted to get down my most basic of ideas .. i swear the moment i draw a fem sanji im happy with.... u will see her.

haha.. so dada.. and . abrina.. am..abro.. abromava.. marina abromavia.. abromavic of him . yeah. so dada and marina abromavic of him . ok but i looked up marina abromavic and!! "rest energy" i know that one!! (thats all i know.. though dada looks familiar)

i love the secret freaks

"[eyebags the size of dinner plates]" is so funny,, i always wanted to move house as a child . just once. i thought it was very cool and trendy when people in my class said they were moving. and also i didnt like my neighborhood (i still dont). i know now that moving is not what i had thought it to be. as a child.

very soon!! (now)

i definitely played games online as a kid but i also like. was on websites i should not have been on (deviantart) as young as 10. my old youtube comments arent that bad to look back on, sometimes theyre kind of funny, but i imagine finding any of my old accounts on any other website would be very upsetting 😭. i dont know if i ever deleted my accounts or if theyre all still out there . for me to come across at any time. (though i doubt i ever will, considering i havent in the 10+ years since)

i also try not to put anything else out there, but sometimes i (stupidly . very stupidly) decide to just. not care that much. i have just accepted that people have probably found photos of me as a child online (not that i remember posting anything from before i was like 15 but. still) and i. just live with the constant assumption that i am being watched. im a very paranoid person sometimes so i know if i stress out about whatever is online about me it will literally turn into an existential crisis

uhh thats all kind of (really) heavy sorry about that!!

tbh with anime... betrayal is always possible. i started an anime called usagi drop a few years ago and then stopped because i. got bored? maybe? and whoops, turns out they have a romantic relationship. thank god i dropped it

i was actually looking up vocaloid stuff yesterday.. learning The History (i was watching kaito x gakupo mmd's) and i found out nyan cat?? was vocaloid?? originally?? and the version that got popular was utauloid?? i used to play 10 hour nyan cat videos on the tv. this was a monumental discovery. i love finding out that niche internet communities are like . the beginning . of a huge internet meme.. its seriously so interesting. plus i recognized a lot of older popular vocaloid songs!! i had no idea it had seeped so much into my life . without me knowing it.

i was kind of tempted to go see kikuo and bo en live!! im kind of?? a bo en fan?? i listened to that song that was in omori before omori was out (i still dont really know what omori is) and i like a few other songs by them but im not really someone who likes musical artists. i just like a few songs,, or one song,, from an artist,, and then nothing else. i do like quite a few of kikuo's songs though!! most of all i was just tempted bc the timing was right and i noticed they were coming to a city nearby. didnt end up going bc i couldnt justify it!! did u have a good time!? also i saw the miku expo experience,, in portland.. where they just got what was visibly just,, a tv. even as someone who is a Beginner vocaloid fan.. that is so disappointing

my aphantasia isnt really that bad and its not something i notice most of the time, so it doesn't really get in the way. i kind of think it might help me in art because i dont get stuck on the blank canvas part, trying to picture what to draw? idk ive heard a lot of ppl talk abt that being a struggle. i just jump right into it since i cant come up with anything most of the time anyways. other times tho i can picture things very clearly.. i think part of the aphantasia is just that i have autism. and adhd. and i cant concentrate well enough to picture things a lot of the time, especially when i actually want to. most of the time the things i successfully picture are involuntary

i dont know why they dont anymore but no!! they dont!! i havent actually tried to look up the reason or if this is a permanent thing. i should.. it might also just be that its not being scanned or its not included in digital files.. idk . any number of things. ok i checked and i found a translation on reddit of the volume 107 sbs, but its not in the tcb scans . so i have to assume its just that they dont have the scans for the sbs, and oda is still doing it consistently?? either way its not easy to find

oda canon skin tones should be IGNORED.. too boring... as for the women. he has literally devolved. nami and robin pre timeskip... come back... please.

i get posts u reblogged from like. the beginning of march.. sometimes.. that feels like ages ago... i actually want to interact with a lot of the things u reblog bc theyre good.. and half of it is stuff i mean to reblog anyways but havent. but i dont wanna spam u. and i definitely would spam u. on accident. but still..

idk if u use tiktok at all (i didnt used to but i have been zoomerpilled or whatever the kids would say ..) but there was an audio that got pretty popular that's like. "you can call me anything! you can even call me dookie! ...... NEVER CALL ME DOOKIE!!" and THAT WAS IVA IN IMPEL DOWN!! anyways watching that scene in impel down as a kid.. was very influential. it probably is why i identified as genderfluid for a bit?? i had never really seen any trans characters before or met any trans people in real life. so when i saw . trans characters. i was like wow... u can do that? thats allowed? it was mindblowing. picture me with big sparkly eyes full of wonder.

"transgenderism is a thrilling character trait" is extremely funny wording. i think he HAS done some research (it shows in his most recent trans characters, my issues with yamato aside) but when he made the newkamas.... yeah.... i dont know if he really thought about what kind of life experiences they would have. as trans people. or whether he was even portraying them well. it really was just "hey this would be a funny character.." and then there they were.

i love all 3 of the fishman princes and actually i am very thankful the other 2 (i can never remember their names... ryuboshi and.. something.. sorry guys..) arent just like . The same character copy and pasted. but i agree!! that moment broke my heart. u poor kids :(. ive never seen d gray man so this was probably (?) my first introduction to noahs ark in . anime,, manga. im rly excited for whenever the scene will be. where everyone boards.. and .. idk .. is led to the dawn of the new world.. or whatever they say is supposed to happen

YEAH I WANT TEENAGE CHOPPER!!! he can still be a wholesome guy but please .. please.. treat him a LITTLE BIT like .. a teenager.. the teenager he is. i love horn point chopper . i wish we could see all his forms a bit more. i also wish for more chopper angst like .. i loved when they fought aokiji right before water 7 because it had a really great chopper moment. he was directing the other crewmates on what to do and it was so high tension and emotional,,, i miss that.

ok i agree zoro getting lost is timeless. i see jokes abt it everywhere and i dont even mind. i didnt like nami's slapstick joke in the beginning but ive kinda become neutral about it. i dont find it funny but i dont dislike it either. brook panties joke is gross ... gross old man. but i thought it was very funny when he asked camie for money because she didnt have any panties. making him from a creep into just a pathetic old guy would be funny imo. actually i do like brook's skull jokes mostly bc theyre so lame. im a fan of jokes so bad theyre good. and now 80% of the time he gets ignored... and i find that funnier. ill laugh at ur jokes brook.. i swear... ill laugh.

literally the whole setting of water 7 was so interesting and cool and . i adored it. the aqua laguna,, part of the city being underwater bc the water level keeps rising. the canals!! the water horses!! its all so fun. i actually do love the frobin moments in enies lobby, and i love kaku, and i love the "i want to live" moment, but other than that i dont have much i found super exciting.. oh and the moment with the merry at the end of it. that broke me . why give me hope and then rip it away from me!! oda always does this. /pos though.

what about,,, sanji except he wears colored contacts sometimes just to confuse the crew. "your eyes were brown yesterday what the fuck happened??"

"[clanging my sanji gavel] order in the court" SANJI GAVEL,,,, THATS FUNNY

"if there’s multiple types of conqueror’s haki it it like..all based on one guy? one original conqueror ?? and who was it…" ough ur so smart for this.. i never considered that..

zoro is Definitely favored with op stuff. i do think he is usually considered second mate so its like... kind of fair imo? but at the same time... yeah... oda could spread the wealth a little. make everyone else have more development rather than just focusing on zoro.

i see ur shanks argument and i counter with all humans are ugly sometimes.. that picture is fantastic though hes really ratting it up

cora and doflamingo are so giant .. and they came from 2 very normal sized parents. maybe its their diet...?? no but.. they were extremely poor for several years... idk one piece is so wild. like what do u mean geko moria is just a regular human. hes not even a different race... he just grew like that.. i think its funny to imagine the evil characters feeling awkward because they dont have a seat and just .. crossing their arms and pretending to be cool. i didnt see that doflamingo post but i looked it up and he really is like a cat. birdcat.. catbird.. sitting right in the middle.

i dont know if i ever have moments where i think "luffy wouldnt do this" because honestly i dont think im very good at character analysis. i really struggle to feel connected to and like i understand people or characters,, maybe its just because i tend to assume theres depth where there might not be. or maybe i just severely underestimate myself LOL. but i do 100000% agree oda should take notes from his own character... like luffy is so non judgemental and. idk. hes so easy to aspire to be like. everyone could benefit from being like luffy or having someone like luffy in their life. i completely agree that he doesnt acknowledge? accept? understand? gender roles. and this is why luffy is genderfluid /hj. but yes i get u!!!

im so glad we have come to a mutual understanding about cannibalism. i am joining u.

THE LUFFY IMAGE.. ok im coming

ok ur headcanons..

i headcanon lesbian sanji . until i see sanuso... and then... i lose all strength in my beliefs .... sanji is a transfem bisexual and she is dating usopp. <- i find it funny that im like that bc i was hardcore like "sanji is a lesbian." "i wont ship usopp with anyone bc of kaya" (i dont like shipping characters when i think theyll end up with another character bc i am very sensitive to disappointment) and i have thrown my beliefs out the window bc i love sanuso so much. also do u have a screenshot or anything of the sbs question bc i dont remember seeing that /gen. i want to see.. i want to see the bisexuality with my own eyes...

i agree zoro is gay. i also have recently been converted to the zoro is transmasc .. train? what . u know what i mean hopefully. i also dont ship zolu bc luffy is hardcore aroace (and if i shipped him with anyone it would be koby as a mostly one sided thing) but they do have a fun relationship and i enjoy seeing zolu content.. tbh im not picky abt shipping most of the time as long as it isnt proship. most ships im just like "i understand the appeal" and dont have many feelings beyond that

lesbian nami is so true. i understand it after rereading.. i see the gay in her.

i think i mentioned t4t frobin earlier in the post but yeah,, even as cishet allies theyre wonderful.. good people. cute couple.

i see straight usopp and i also see bi usopp. no matter what ,,, he likes women for sure. i also saw transmasc usopp and i actually love it.. transmasc usopp.

brook could be anything tbh. i dont really have strong opinions abt his sexuality but i enjoy bisexual brook. its even alliterative!!

chopper is a reindeer... a BI, TRANS reindeer

ok ur too educated and cultured for me... i know zorro and rudolph and pinocchio but i honestly dont know the rest. i live under a rock and dont usually bother to learn about new things (unless its like. current events. or any of my niche interests)

i actually adore rudolph though and yeah when i realized chopper is rudolph . i was very excited. the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer from 1964 is my favorite christmas movie ever. i genuinely adore it. also im pretty sure the person who made that movie is lgbtq and purposefully put lgbtq themes into the movie. i always felt a connection to rudolph bc my child mind thought of him as trans and gay without really realizing that was what i assumed him to be lmao. i dont remember if the lgbtq themes actually involve rudolph himself but thats who i identified with as a kid and i will stick by it. anyways that is why chopper is transmasc and bi in my headcanons haha

uhhh uhhhh.. to end the message..

OH SHIT OFF ANON!!! do u know how funny it would have been if u came off anon and i was thinking u were a completely different blog somehow. i would have cried

ur reasoning for not liking enemies to lovers is very valid but i laughed thinking about zosan making out or something and ur just standing there like NO…..YOU SHOULD BE ANGRY,.,...KILL!!!

i really doubt i will have the time to write hanyagellan but it sounds so novelty and fun that IDK MAYBE SOMEDAY N FSVNF DC

I HAVE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW KID LAW AND LUFFY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN 3 OF THE WORST GENERATION BUT ITS MOSTLY JUST LUFFY AND LAW AND THEN KIDD’S THERE LIKE 🧍”me and you and you and me and you and your friend steve”

i have only really seen fanon killer which yea does not give the murder of innocents vibe but you know what. thats ok sometimes silly happy little guys are just murderers and thats ok- no i literally did not. realize kids crew did that. LMFAO well i like doffy so clearly this isnt gonna change much for me. but scottish kid…thats fuckign PERFECCT …KIDD….KID MY BELOVED

oh yeah oda’s weird pedo tendencies are uhh 100% my least favorite thing about him. the sexualization of the 16 year olds usually makes me have to pause for that day and come back later cause it just ruins it for me. WHAT DO U MEAN IT GETS WORSE 😭😭😭 NOOOOOO

ur absolutely correct btw. abt how his well-written women have to be ugly. dnf,mvcd like yea nami and robin exist but they have been a bit sidelined in terms of development meanwhile the characters that are both sexualized and well written…i can barely pay attention to their writing bc it feels undermined by the intense sexualization. 

bege’s baby is terrible. irs terrible i hate it. but it makes me laugh so hard. although bege doing the baby voice and cooing over his baby was very cute and i DID love that LMAO

RIP MACKENYU ZORO…YOU TRIED I GUESS..yea i think the showrunner was maybe thinking too much about post timeskip zoro while also trying to amplify his coolness and it just came off as. trying way too hard. i think he has a few better moments but also the Too Edgy moments continue so its a mixed bag. though zoro’s characterization seems to be one of the major criticisms ive seen across the board so maybe they’ll lighten him up for season 2. also koby is so perfect in the live action. him and luffy are adorable. i dont ship it either but i can see the vision. they were damn cute ps. they had exactly one f-word pass for season one and they gave it to zoro but like. in the most hilarious throw away line ever. however this means in at least one piece of one piece canon zoro has said fuck.

trades you hanyagellan fanfiction for the transji drawing (im kidding, dont worry abt it!!)

“haha.. so dada.. and . abrina.. am..abro.. abromava.. marina abromavia” luffy trying to pronounce the name of someone he doesnt care about be like

oh yea i definitely have a million accounts on random website that like. i dont even remember. once i tried to see if there was some kind of website or plug in or tool to put in your email address and find any accounts linked to it so i could delete them but i didnt really find what i was looking for which is crazy. like i have a fuckin nico nico douga account from when i used to watch vocaloid videos on there. the website is entirely in japanese. insane

and about the "heavy" internet stuff NO UR GOOD im in a similar boat and i just. choose not to think about it too hard. blissful ignorance

YES YES IVE HEARD OF USAGI DROP. FOR THAT VERY REASON. I THINK WHEN YASHAHIME STARTED AND WE DIDNT KNOW WHO THE MOM OF SESSHOMARU’S CHILDREN WERE EVERYONE WAS LIKE PRAYING IT WASNT RIN INCLUDING ME BUT I REMEMBERED THAT RUMIKO AT ONE POINT MENTIONED LIKING USAGI DROP AND I WAS LIKE. its so jover you guys

“i was actually looking up vocaloid stuff yesterday.. learning The History (i was watching kaito x gakupo mmd's)” KSDNNLKSM

yea!! nyan cat was an utau called momo i think? the nyan cat creator is actually here on tumblr lmao. i found them a couple years ago and was like holy shit… @ prguitarman. also the vocaloid oliver voices puppycat in bee and puppycat! and a vocaloid song actually mde it into a MARVEL MOVIE?? that one fucking sent me. its this one and it isnt even just miku whos the most mainstream its like. so many of them. we’re doing it u guys

yea most of my favs are the classics!! i could link my vocaloid megaplaylist but its. long. i only went bc i was like ‘THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE TO SEE ANYTHING LIKE A VOCALOID CONCERT IN PERSON KIKUO MIGHT NEVER COME TO THE US AGAIN” and i had to have a friend drive me all the way to chicago for it (I Dont Live In Chicago) but it was worth it. i had one of the most fun times of my life lmao. i was JAMMIN. ive heard about the miku expo thign lmao. i think its bc miku is at coachella this weekend (?) or whatever so they might have taken her hologram tech there instead. LAME! 

my other friends with aphantasia are artists as well so clearly it doesnt stop yall 💪 i do struggle with the blank canvas part lmao. but mostly i think i just find starting to be the hardest part of anything.

i think 90% of what oda says should be ignored LMAO. MY STORY NOW!! half joking. maybe a little more than half. when the live action cast talks about how much they respect him and how cool meeting and talking to him was i almost feel bad bc he seems like a kind and goofy guy a lot of the time, but oof, man really needs to evaluate his biases…

tumblr putting posts from early march on ur dash..

why does it do that. i hate that it does that. sometimes i post things and then purposely bury them with other posts so no one sees. TUMBLR PLEASE JUST SHOW MY SHIT IN ORDER

feel free to spam me i do it to other ppl all the time and i dont care at all lmao

I DONT USE TIKTOK (i did for a couple years in college but not anymore) BUT I . DFJNDKL. I ONLY KIND OF KNEW ABOUT THIS BC MY FRIEND SENT ME A REEL OF IT ON INSTAGRAM BUT I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS PRETTY POPULAR??? THATS SO FUN LMAO I LOVE IVA. THEY DESERVE THE FAME. ivankov being ur trans egg break is so weird to me bc it feels so recent but yea impel down came out in 2008 or 9….and also like. do you think oda knows. what he did. KDNFSJ if they bring sbs back (?) u should just sent in a letter like “oda thank u for showing me ivankov u made me realize i was nonbinary 👍” i wanna see what he says fkjvndkj

just now realizing how funny "transgenderism is a thrilling character trait" is thank you for that HAHA. i think he has done at least a little now (and iva is apparently based not only on dr frankenfurter but also a drag queen he knew irl?) but yea back then he needed. uh. a bit more. funny character was pretty much the extent of it. i mean he treated bon clay fairly well from all the way back in alabasta but sometimes i think about how bon clay’s jacket just says “OKAMA” on the back and it can. sometimes be considered a slur? i mean. would i wear a giant jacket that said fag on the back……yes duh. but like tHATS NOT THE POINT, and not everyone is okay w that!!

i remembered manboshi but not ryuboshi. 2gether we can remember the fishman royal family LMAO. god what was noahs ark supposed to be. i think it was supposed to take all of fishman island to the surface?? maybe. but i feel like it was more plot relevant than that. like poneglyph’s and gold roger were involved somehow. idk man im trusting oda to fit everything in before he ends the dang manga

i forget about the camie scene EVERY SINGLE TIME and EVERY SINGLE TIME i expect him to say panties and when he says money i always LOSE IT especially bc in the dub he sounds like mr krabs in that moment 😭

speaking of the water horses can we talk about how franky’s were named SODOM AND GOMORRAH. KDSFND. i made a comic about it that was probably too niche for most people to understand bc u have to have knowledge of dorian electra and also drag race and also the fact that those two random animal characters were named sodom and gomorrah.

SANJI WEARING COLORED CONTACTS TO FUCK WITH THE CREW XFKDJ. i can see him doing this but only to zoro. to piss him off. usopp’s in on it probably

i need a damn sanji gavel. someone on twitter goes by “ceo of sanji” and everyday i am jealous that i did not think of it first

people (dudebro powerscalers) always talk about whether zoro or sanji is stronger and i know oda has said/implied several times that theyre supposed to be different but equal but i mean. there’s quite a few small hints that zoro is supposed to be stronger. imo. as a sanji fan i must admit this. i mean making him taller by only 1 entire cm post timeskip. oda u were evil for that

“maybe its their diet?” its the crack cocaine - KJDNFSDO no that wouldnt make sense for cora but yea why. why are they so tall. i really think its just the weird way the world works. again i will blame gravity. bc im in the middle of big mom’s backstory rn and shes HUGE but ?? apparently not a giant?? SHE WAS JUST BIG??

tbh im not the best at character analysis either. i just read/watch/consume a lot of it and then parrot what i heard other ppl say to some degree (if it was supported by the text and had evidence and didnt seem . wrong. like i still evaluate it) but im bad about doing it myself. truthfully this probably stemmed from all those vocaloid videos i watched as a kid with insane strorylines that i always had to just go to the comments to have them explained to me. the songs being in japanese did not help 💀

i am not a multishipper bc i commit hard to one thing so i dont like most other sanji ships but sanuso gets a pass bc its very cute. lesbian sanji is beautiful. and yea im a little picky but as long as it isnt proship! go for it!!

i will do you one better and give u a link to the SBS + a translator who looked at the question. 

AND IM THE SAME WAY i dont think its bc im sensitive to disappointment (well. i am actually but. in this case thats not the main reason) but because i like to think of the closest way i can get what i want with it being…realistic. thats the only reason i dont HC every single strawhat as gay in some way cause i was like i know oda would not. but i can meet him halfway. oda hear me out. 50% WE CAN DO 50%

TRANSMASC ZORO HITS SO DIFFERENT I AM WITH YOU THERE. part of it may be one of my closest friends is transmasc and has loved zoro forever so in my heart im like. yes. zoro is trans. for my friend. but also ive read quite a few trans zoro fics (i’d link them but theyre all zosan. Im Sorry) and the twist it puts on his relationship with kuina…is so cool. actually i take it back, just read this summary from neonglaceon on AO3:

JBSHJDKS IM REALLY NOT THAT CULTURED TRUST ME. if u havent seen the matilda movie…u should its a nostalgic childhood movie for me. its got danny devito…yea. and i only know cyrano de bergerac bc i saw it performed at a local university and goddd it was my first time seeing live theatre and i was. ENTRANCED

YOU KNOW WHAT? YEA. TRANS GAY RUDOLPH. HE’S AN OUTCAST LIKE US OK!! i will take any allegory for someone being an outcast/social pariah and be like “oh so gay allegory? so gay coding?” 

ok but t4t frobin and chopper their little trans son…stop thats so cute

so glad to see u can send images now. i will close off by asking 1. any fav op content creators/artists/blogs?

and give u this image

[druidx]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@inkoherentwriting, @bretongirlwrites, and @wispstalk have all tagged me in this so I should probably do it (this is not a complaint! I love tag games, I'm just think it's funny).

I'm not sure who of my usual list writes fanfic so this is an open tag.

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

151 in total. Druidx has 107, and my pseud for PodFics, Dru-Pod, has 44

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

Currently 246,748. (I've got three other large fics in the works that'll bring that up to ~500k when posted.)

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

My main ones right now, by number of works, are:

TES IV: Oblivion

Fighting Fantasy World of Titan by Steve Jackson & Ian Livingstone

Starbound

Thunderbirds Are Go (2015)

Those in the past, and that will never grace AO3, are (in order of recency):

Star Wars (Savage Worlds TTRPG)

Sherlock (2010)

Star Trek: Deep Space 9

Discworld

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

Technicolour Nightmare (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Flowers and Ice (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Crimson Storm (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Family Treasures (Thunderbirds 2015)

Avoiding the Emperor (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Technicolour Nightmare is a kind of a surprise, because I don't think it's one of my better fics, and was a half-assed kinda throwaway story about a feverish HoK being rescued and cared for. For the longest time the top fic has been Flowers and Ice which never surprised me given that it's very much about Everyone worrying about Martin doing something stupid, and then descends into the HoK worrying about everyone, and ends with the promise things will be better. Avoiding the Emperor is also not a surprise, since it was the very first thing I posted on AO3.

5 – Do you respond to comments?

I try my hardest to, when I get them.

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Of those posted, it's probably Bitter Winds and Rain, which is about Aderyn not handling Martin's coma well. Young Dagger, False Dream which is drafted but not yet posted, comes a close second with Alexis feeling forced out of the group she thought were her friends after an ideological split.

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

TIL a lot of my fics have an upbeat ending XD At First Blush takes the win, I think, with Methredhel and Rhiannon's kiss.

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Gotta get comments to get hate, eh? The worst I had was on Tumblr for No Rose Without a Thorn, where someone was rude about the OC I was writing about (wasn't even my OC - I'd borrowed someone else's which might be why it made me angry).

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. I have tried and tried and decided it's not for me. It's never been published, because it makes me cringe at how bad it is. The most you'll get from me is some heavy petting and a fade to black.

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Dinner Time is probably the wackiest crossover posted, with the main Trio from Oblivion and some characters from Fighting Fantasy World of Titan. I also started a crossover with the Trio from Oblivion and the main characters from Thunderbirds (2015), but that's unlikely to see the light of day

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'd be honoured if anyone ever wanted to.

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not a fic, no. I tried co-writing an original story and it did not go well, and has soured me towards the idea TBH.

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

That I've written, I suppose I have to say Martin/Baurus since I've written 26 fics about them... By fave to read though is Bilbo Baggins/ Thorin Oakenshield (Bagginshield). TBH though, shipping isn't something that I really bother with much; Martin/Baurus was for a friend.

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Her Lonely Shadow is currently the top contender. It's the 'what happens next for Alexis Dalliance' story, set after the end of her campaign and before Elo's campaign. I've been writing it since 22 Apr 2015, it's still on the 1st draft sitting at 174,266 words. I don't feel like it's ever going to be finished...

16 – What are your writing strengths?

Pacing, the balance of prose to dialogue, descriptions, and character voice.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting, subtext, and making sure 'c' grade characters still have some 3d-ness to them.

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

All for it. I think it's fun for a character who doesn't speak that language to have to figure things out from body language or other social cues, or muddle through with their broken skills. In fantasy it's less risky though, because you can mash words out that sound good, but for IRL languages, you need to take a bit more care. One would hope, however, that if a native speaker has an issue with something I've used Google Translate for, they would mention it in the comments so I can fix it.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

Discworld.

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

... I'm going to do them by fandom because this is an unfair question XD

Starbound - Home That Our Feet May Leave, But Not Our Hearts

FF/World of Titan - Dead Reckoning Returned

Oblivion - Abecean Blue

Thunderbirds 2015 - Family Treasures

[easy-revenge]

AKIMENO FIC RECS I GOTCHUUUU

I Don't Smoke - by bakakaneki (A Grief Fic™, aka my favorite genre.)

salvage - by lunaunscripted (Lunaurelle) (A slightly fluffier take on episode 7.)

EASY REVENGE - by miehczyslaw (pre-canon, earlier on in their relationship)

if you're going to break yourself - by somewherels (tinuvhiel) (Some nsfw, but only for Angst Purposes™. Character study.)

seconding whoever recommended Graveyard Shift - by heyday (liimbo) (Pre-canon, probably the closest to being at peace they can ever realistically be. Good dose of body horror in this one.)

I also just finished Engines of Want - by cicadabug. (Pre-canon character study, the longest fic on this list. It gets slightly fucked-up--though in a way that I think makes sense for them--and I don't know if that's your thing or not, but I thought it was very well-written and found it to be a very satisfying read, and this list would feel incomplete without it.)

(Also...thank you for your work on the akimeno playlist. I have discovered so many great new-well, new to me-songs because of it! Gonna go listen to "Gilded Lily" 10000 times while I sob, now.)

oh i am vibrating with excitement to check these out.

thank u sm. for reference in case of future recommendations i am in fact fine with anything, from ratings to themes.

i love tragedy and seeing my fav characters go through all kinds of fucked up shit what can i say dodmdbsisms

what i also wanted to say for the other ppl who are also gonna see this post is that ive read "if you're going to break yourself" and i changed my brain chemistry.

i have a dozen asks in my inbox rn about himeno and literally this character study could answer all of them. the characterization is so good. it's been a huge inspiration for me and my interpretation of himeno.

i go back to reread it frequently.

thank you again for the recs im always so so grateful. and im so glad you're enjoying my playlist <3333

[whump-captain]

I got tagged by @set-phasers-to-whump and omg i had such a blast answering these, thank u (◡‿◡) i'll tag @deepwoundsandfadedscars @thatsgonnaleaveamark (i think it's double tag? soz if so) @whumpapalooza @emcscared-whumps @straight-to-the-pain and anyone who sees it and has more than one WIP going on currently, writing or otherwise

(ill put in a readmore bc it's Long)

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Top 5 works im proud of, in no particular order:

Impaled (Felix Lawrence) - I’m mostly proud of this one because I was worried if I could write it at all! A lot of moving parts in the scene that i was convinced would get away from me, but i managed to keep everything straight and describe it clearly. It was also a struggle to drip-feed bits of necessary lore into this one snippet without grinding the whole thing to a halt and i think i did that pretty well!

Confrontation (Ghost ambulance) - I’m super happy with the prose in this. I think it flows the best out of most of my stuff and there are some sentences that i’m really proud of because they convey a lot of meaning in a very pretty way. I often find it hard to balance clarity and metaphor but i hit the jackpot here. The dialogue is also one of my better ones, i think.

Failed rescue attempt (Kintsugi) - this one takes the prize for dialogue though, I’m incredibly happy with how it turned out. I tried to fit an entire conflict between two characters into a single conversation and introduce them both by way of that conflict - while also keeping them sounding distinct and like real people. I’m also very pleased with myself over the use of the prop in the scene lmao it’s such a small thing but i felt like a film director including it lol

No anesthesia (Ghost ambulance) - im mostly proud of the pacing in this one. it's quite long but it doesn't become repetitive which is something i notice a lot in my writing. both the dialogue and the actual action flow pretty well and there are no awkward transitions or subject changes - plus it might be the longest actual pain description ive ever written lmao but i managed to keep it interesting throughout and have the whump scene actually feel like a Scene.

Whumper POV (Ghost ambulance): I wrote this mostly to challenge myself and i succeeded at the thing that was the challenge! I wanted to try a brand new character voice and also to develop said character - but not to fall into common "whumper tropes". I don't write whumpers often so i was worried i'd end up with a cliche but i managed to find an emotional core for the character and from there it went more smoothly. The biggest point of pride for me is that i fell in love with Brent as a character because of this piece lol and now i want to write more of him

Top 4 current WIPs:

Uhhhh i never ever name anything lmao but:

WIP 1 is some comfort-heavy Elaine whump that shows her mindset before and after meeting her friends and it's just. SO comfort. im excited. i should hurt her more often so she can be taken care of (◡‿◡)

WIP 2 is an introduction to a new ghost ambulance storyline, taking place at a fancy high-society party. I honestly don't have much of it figured out plot-wise lmao that's why it's not going very quickly but it's gonna have high stakes, a race against the clock, gratuitous descriptions of fancy outfits, and a brand new character (with gun)

WIP 3 is a whumptober "poisoned" prompt that i'm planning to finish, because i have some cool monster ideas for it that i can spend a bit more time developing now that i have no time concerns. of course, no time concerns probably means it will take much longer than it needs to lol

WIP 4 is something i started aaaaages ago, it concerns a dislocation, blood draining, and a sentient vampire tree trying to eat people. it's incredibly fun but i got a bit stuck on a description and never finished it so i wanna try and get it out soon (◡‿◡)

(im also going to add the entirety of Kintsugi in here even though i don't think i'm going to post much of it. the characters changed a lot as i developed the story and so did the whole setup so unless i feel like doing an au, im gonna most likely spend time writing the feature-length thing. i am v excited about it though (◡‿◡))

Top 3 writing improvements:

Ehhhhhh this one is really hard bc i have this sinking feeling that my writing has actually gotten worse through this year djdjfhdkd its probably because i write way more than i used to, so a lot of stuff is going to be Just Alright instead of something i consider standout. Also ive started looking at my work more critically so I can consciously improve, but it does mean i notice more of the flaws.

But Improvement 1 is definitely dialogue, im much more comfortable writing it now and i have a decent idea of how and why it might stumble - and through that, how to make it better.

Improvement 2 i'd call figuring out my workflow, which honestly does wonders for Actually Finishing Stuff. I learned to keep my writing momentum, mostly by using [filler words] in [brackets] instead of pausing to do research or look for the perfect word. I come back for those later, after i finish the first draft. Coming back to the first point, i also start a dialogue scene by just writing out the lines, with no prose or descriptions. That helps me keep the conversations on topic and gives them better flow cause i don't forget what the previous line was about while writing a reaction lol

Improvement 3 is a bit of a cheat but i do think it counts that i started reading way more this year. I try to pay attention to what i do and don't like about the books i read and how i can improve based on those insights. It's also very inspiring, do gotta say

Top 2 resolutions:

Hmmmmm number 1 i'd say is to be kinder to my own writing tbh. I have so many goals i want to work towards but above them all hangs a bunch of uncertainty bc i doubt pretty much every choice i make. I keep thinking oh this is too winding, that is too simple, is this how it's Supposed be written and all of that whereas like. It's not Supposed to be anything. It's supposed to be fun and maybe meet my own standards of "quality" but that's it. In the words of a philosopher, It's Not That Deep.

Number 2 is to get my writing out to more people! I'd love to both get more audience here and also to maaaaaaybe perhaps somehow get published - that's a big dream of mine recently (◡‿◡) i reckon i have what it takes to get a short story in a magazine, i just need to be more resilient and send out more stuff

No. 1 favourite line:

Oh man that was the hardest one fhdhdjdldh i'm gonna go with:

"The ground below remains steady and it promises peace if he only lets it swallow him and bind him forever to this single point in space and time."

[sojournerstales]

Belle's 2022 Wrap-Up Thingie.

Hello! I've been quiet on here lately, equal parts due to a new fixation and simply that a lot of my output has been spread across a bunch of different Works-In-Progress as opposed to focusing on finishing just one.

I don't think I'm procrastinating. I think the days are short and cold and these are not conditions in which I am the most productive, so I do what I can, work on things that don't have the pressure of polish, of showing and telling.

Still, that doesn't mean I can't have doubts over how much I'm getting done, how much I've written, so I'm doing this post to take stock of what I did get finished this year and maybe some quick thoughts on them.

If you're a writer and we follow each other maybe this'd be a fun thing for you to do too! (Or don't, I'm not a cop.)

Also some of this stuff won't be in any particular order as memory is fake, timelines don't matter.

SOJOURNER'S TALES, VOLUME 1: WE FEEL AT NIGHT.

5,200 words.

So I released We Feel At Night at around April time, it was the first project I put up on itch dot io and was a bit of an experiment as to whether that would be a format I enjoy. Each story was originally released on a single Carrd, hosted only until the next one was finished. Something a little eerie, a little ephemeral.

The stories within are In The Dark We Look Like Monsters, All I Am Is An Alley Cat, and Late Night Make-Out Sessions, along with I, II, III, IV and an Epilogue.

In The Dark We Look Like Monsters is a moody little look at the night-time rituals of a group of neighbours who all struggle with sleep, and the passing headlights of a car lost on their street. It has a guest appearance from Jackie, ostensibly my mainstay OC who is in a bunch of stuff I write. I think this is a really nice piece? It's about touching someone's life without ever knowing it at all. It's about freaking yourself at night with the shadows in your house.

All I Am Is An Alley Cat is probably everyone's favourite of the bunch, it seemed to touch a lot of people with its shapeshifting genderfreak main character. Alley Cat is a cool dude, guy, girl, creature who doesn't know what they want for themselves, and only just knows what others want from them, and they change themselves to fulfil those desires and to feel a little something. I'm really proud of this one.

Late Night Make-Out Sessions is the longest of this collection - though it is a short collection. It was important to me here to include a non-monster/creature/supernatural non-binary character. I so often write about non-human characters, like Alley Cat, and I didn't want to just relegate any non-binary character I write into the stereotypical shapeshifter, or alien, or robot. The story isn't really about gender, it's about making a friend who is so much braver than you, knows so much more than you, who teaches you strange rituals to reconcile horrible, unfixable memories. It's also about kissing in the dark.

I, II, III, IV are a series of personal ghost stories, each one appearing between the stories above to act as a little breather. They detail my personal, limited experience with ghosts. No, that's not strictly accurate; The stories are me detailing my personal thoughts on ghosts as I try to deal with the loss of my mother, the woman who has me believing in this stuff, the woman who got me into horror. I miss her a lot.

And the Epilogue is just a personal essay about my motivation to put the collection together, what themes I'd hoped to achieve, meeting strangers at night who showed me concern and made me realize that the way the world perceives me has changed. It's thoughts on trans success, I suppose.

A SERIES OF ROOMS

Some amount of words.

So some time after finishing Volume 1 I become enamoured with liminal spaces. I've always been into the quiet eeriness of the backrooms, or empty shopping centres, or roads at night, and I always see these things limited to a creepy, visual medium. I wanted to translate the eeriness of the backrooms into prose, and so what we have here as an experimental exploration of the backrooms. It's best viewed on desktop devices, I never tested the layout for mobile.

It's short, sweet, creepy, and I really dig what I made here.

SOJOURNER'S TALES, VOLUME 2: PARTICULAR MOMENTS IN VAGUE PLACES

11,000 words. Give or take.

So I published this around August time, it's a continuation of my fascination with liminal spaces, but here I marry the eerie horror of them with queer romance - my favourite flavour of horror. The idea I wanted to hit on is that I've always found the typical liminal space comforting. I've fallen in love in an airport, I've snoozed comfortably in the back of a car rattling around dark country roads, and there are so many places I'd love to be alone with a friend in.

I also did something with the titles of the stories here that works best if I write the chapter list out:

(What if-)

Waiting For D5

(-we kissed-)

On Sundays +1

(-between-)

Just Off The A48

(-the walls?)

(What if we kissed between the walls?) is a series of bumper-stories that again act as a breather between each story, and they detail a couple getting lost in the backrooms, this is where I lay the imagery on the thickest of impossible spaces, yellow halls, chlorinated pools. It's all alright, they have each other, these are great make-out spots.

Waiting For D5 is my love-letter to Birmingham airport. Or a love-letter to my partner. We started long distance, but that was okay because the flight was quick and I enjoyed the romance of Burger King at 5AM waiting for my gate to open. It's about travelling together, it's about being about to travel together. These stories are about liminal spaces, but they're also about liminal states of mind, states of being. Waiting For D5 is about holding onto that moment between where you were and where you are going and getting to share that moment with someone you love.

On Sundays +1 was the toughest to write of the bunch. Not emotionally or anything like that, I just struggled with the presentation and plot the most. It's about a girl who keeps waking up on an extra day that exists between Sunday and Monday, and only one other person is experiencing that with her. Together they explore and abandoned version of their hometown, getting to know each other totally separated from the realities of the world, from other people. Like their own private chat. It's about making friends online, in undefined spaces, and the anticipation of bringing that into the real world. It's also about all the transmasculine people in my life who I so often fall madly, platonically in-like with. I adore them all. On Sundays +1 is for them.

Just Off The A48 started off as a complicated beast. It was going to be about this pub in the countryside that every now and then is visited by someone who has just recently died. It was going to be about hitting it off with a woman at the bar and going to bed with her and refusing to turn around the following morning just in case she was gone, just in case she was never there to begin with. I tried so hard to make that story work but everything about it needed way more space than I was willing to give - I wanted each story to match the other in length, so instead I wrote something complete different that fleshes out the ideas of the Volume so much better. Instead JOTA48 completes the triumvirate: Liminal spaces with a romantic partner. Liminal spaces with a friend. Liminal spaces with a stranger. I once again get to introduce Jackie to one of my collections, and this time she helps a frustrated teenager get their car unstuck from a muddy ditch in the road. It's more than that, it's no more than that, it's being in the right place at the right time.

THE LONG FINGERS

I wanna say like 5k words?

Oh boy, The Long Fingers. I wanted to write something scary for October. I finished this in November. That's how it always goes! It's okay, I still managed to write something scary. I remember fretting over whether it was super boring, sending it to a friend who I rely on so often for test-reading, and being sent back:

"Jesus Christ, Belle."

The Long Fingers is about a shame spiral, it's about depression, it's about letting your hygiene slip, your house fall into disarray and mess, and being unable to ask for help because what if they judge you?

Shame is a long fingered thing, and as dire as this story is it is not meant to be without hope, it is meant to be a cautionary tale.

Fun fact! I still get nervous when I take the trash out at home because I based the apartment building in this story on my own home and I scared myself with it! Even so, I'm extremely proud of this work. I made something scary and meaningful and freaked a bunch of my friends out.

It's one of the last things I finished before winter came on strong and my productivity slowed down, I hope to finish a couple of other similarly themed stories to release as Volume 3: Siren Songs, but we shall see about that!

THE OBLITERATION PIT

Maybe 1,5k words?

This one was scary to post, but I wanted to post it. I wanted to post something to affirm that hello I am a lesbian trans writer, which is a shallow reason for posting something so personal I know. I just wanted to get off my chest some thoughts about dysphoria, non-physical dysphoria, the sort of dysphoria you feel in your heart and your brainstem and the bottomless pit in your stomach.

I'm doing good though.

THE WORKS IN PROGRESS

There are so many text files, I'unno like 4-5k words among them?

Between Volume 1 and The Long Fingers I have a whole bunch of things that aren't yet finished, that are only just conceptualized, that have half a chapter written and saved.

There is HERO-99, TRANSGENDER SCI-FI ACTION, a sort-of riff on the vibes of action cartoons aimed at teens, centered around a canonically transgender super-heroine in a cyberpunk city, DIY'ing her hormones and fighting against an evil scientist (and capitalism). I've been structuring this around the idea of lost episodes of a cancelled TV-show before it ever left production and have written the pilot, half of episode 3, and the first half of the finale. Will this ever see the light of day? Probably not. I'm writing this for me. It's so indulgent.

THE KNIGHTS ERRANT, my foray into sword'n'board fantasy writing. I've made a good start on it, motivated by a friend who is desperate for some good dark fantasy that isn't so, y'know, like that. This one probably will see the light of day!

ISTE BY THE SEA, hopefully this will be a part of Siren Songs, and I'm going to remain relatively tight-lipped as I'm likely to finish this within the next couple months.

FANFICTION. Nothing too exciting, just pornography and maybe a little something for Vi League Of Legends because watching Arcane has filled me with that classic spite-fuel. (I won't get into it here. I WON'T get into it here.) Oh, and some Warframe fanfiction too. Don't get me started on Warframe, I owe it my life and more.

There's probably one or two things I'm missing. I haven't mentioned A WARM FIELD or KALIEDOHOUSE because I haven't committed anything to a text document for them yet (though I do have some scenes and chapters handwritten in my notebook, I highly encourage this habit of scrawling some things out somewhere they can't be backspace'd). Taking stock of everything makes me realize I've had a good year for my writing. I got burnt out a little bit after I finished my book - BY THE WAY I FINISHED MY BOOK A WHILE BACK - and so it's feeling good to be back in the saddle and not crunching.

I'm still shopping around GIRLS AND GHOSTS to various publishers, but it's hard to find someone willing to bite on a first-time-author of a weird queer-horror-romance-anthology. It'll happen someday, I'm sure of it. It's a really good book.

Thanks for reading!

[fivedollarradio]

I posted 1,783 times in 2022

788 posts created (44%)

995 posts reblogged (56%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hard-yearned-wisdom

@a-froger-epic

@freddie-mercury-rising

@idontknowhowthisworked

@quotespile

I tagged 639 of my posts in 2022

#freddie mercury - 252 posts

#brian may - 27 posts

#jim hutton - 19 posts

#peter tork - 14 posts

#new to me - 13 posts

#roger taylor - 13 posts

#queen - 10 posts

#freddie's boyfriends - 8 posts

#rip - 6 posts

#cutie - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#and i'm going to keep posting pictures of my hands holding things until you all see the entirety of my nail polish collection

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Marc Almond on clubbing with Freddie Mercury:

“I went down to Heaven nightclub, and Freddie was there. And he came over to me and said: ‘Cheer up, girl! You always look so bloody miserable, dressing in black and writing all these miserable songs. Come with me, girl. We’re gonna go for a dance.’ And he threw me over his shoulder and carried me on to the dance floor.”

I know all stories about Freddie are apocryphal, but I really want this to have happened exactly like this, with Freddie heaving Marc over his shoulder. (Well according to Phoebe, he did like to pick people up, literally.)

And on Bowie:

I wonder how he felt when Bowie recanted his claims of being bisexual in the early 80s. “Oh, I never really thought he was,” he says. “Bowie was an artistic free spirit and he probably did dabble a bit. It was the saying it that was great; no one had ever said that before.”

I agree with this, and what writer Simon Reynolds has said about Bowie walking back being bisexual. He’s important to LGBT culture, sure, but I think fans need him to be a bi icon more than he was one.

link

18 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#4

Freddie deserves a better biography. Not another Lesley Jones book or any of the cobbled together “journalist” penned bios, but something sensitively written that could introduce him to new fans in a proper way. A while ago I went looking for a particular book about Bowie, and even in my branch library, there was an entire shelf devoted to him. Freddie? Lesley Jones’s book was there, and the one Mark Blake book about Queen, but that was it. It’s baffling that there isn’t anything better. The best ones, of course, are the memoirs written by Jim and Phoebe and a few others who knew him, but they’re hard to find (I have an e-book of the Minns book and link to Jim’s in a PDF file that I can no longer find), and the language in them is dated. And even those feel... incomplete? 

One of my favorite bands for the past twenty years is the Replacements. I know American indie bands of the 80s have little presence here, but I spent an inordinate of my time and dedication to a band that a whole lot of people haven’t heard of. But in 2016, Bob Mehr wrote a really excellent bio of them called Trouble Boys. Before that there was a middling “oral history,” one photo collection and a documentary about their fans. For a band that stayed a “cult” favorite, that’s more than I could have asked for. That no one can seem to get an artist as big as Freddie right is really unfair.

24 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

#3

The reason why Mary’s comments that Freddie “saved her” from getting AIDS by leaving her sounds selfish either way it’s interpreted is that she, a woman, and straight woman at that isn’t “supposed to get AIDS,” as was the prevailing narrative at the time. “Innocent victims” were children and women with closeted partners who were HIV-positive. Gay men, IV drug users were “asking for it” with their “risky behavior.” Casual bigotry is still bigotry. Generational context can only take you so far.

27 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#2

Image of Phoebe shopping at the cosmetic counter for Queen’s makeup. “I said vital beige, not soft beige!”

32 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Now, I’m not a barbarian. If I am entering the home of someone from a culture in which wearing street shoes inside is a sign of disrespect, or if my shoes are covered in snow, mud, blood, condiments of any sort, lava, excrement, concrete dust, or biomedical hazardous waste, I’m of course going to take them off. And I don’t really need to be told to do so.

But barring shoes outright just to keep your floors clean is bringing a gun to a pillow fight. Turns out there’s already an effective old-fashioned way to achieve your goal of a clean floor while neither insulting my hygiene habits nor endangering my delicate, vulnerable, long-suffering feet: It’s called a doormat.

How sensitive of you to acknowledge different cultural values, but don’t wear shoes in someone’s home if they ask you to remove them because IT’S NOT YOUR HOUSE. Your delicate. long-suffering feet? Seriously? Baby.

44 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bepoets]

2, 4, 7, 17, 84 for the fic writer ask!!!

Thank you Trish!!!💜

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

One of my WIPs I’m writing was supposed to be a short little thing about how romantic wallet sized photos are and then Ted Lasso said “actually it’s gonna be about how I’m real depressed” and so now it’s a whole new thing!!

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

ONLY EVERY THOUGHT IVE EVER HAD !!! Specifically though the first tedbecca fic I had the idea to write was essentially “Rebecca assumed her Christmas outing with Ted in Carol of The Bells was a date and through some kind of miscommunication she thinks rejected her after that night and pulls away because of it” and I Still haven’t finished writing it and it haunts me everyday I think I need to just start fresh!!

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

Oh my god okay going with the first fic I ever started writing, even though I never finished it, in middle school I started writing some kind of post-epilogue Harry Potter fic and I genuinely could not tell you the plot because I don’t think 13 year old me even really knew!!

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

The “favorite line” section of my writing tracker spreadsheet is coming in SO HANDY RIGHT NOW!!! Had to narrow it down and just do one of my favorite lines I’ve written this month! It’s a silly little thing and it’s my favorite because it makes me laugh everytime I read it😌

“There’s probably hearts and singing birds floating around their fucking heads for all Rebecca knows.”

84. said: overused or underused?

It is used The Exact Right Amount. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need and sometimes it’s not but that’s all there is to it!! There’s definitely other words that I overuse far more than said lmao

[actuallyitsstar]

🫓 What is your most popular fic?

🥘 What category do most of your fics fall under?

🍛 Have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both?

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

🍥 What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

✨ send me an emoji and ask me about my fanfic! ✨

🫓 : what is your most popular fic?

this is most certainly time takes no prisoners (you'll see). very much hands down, very much no contest lol 😅

🥘: what category do most of your fics fall under?

found family lol. what can i say. something about it does in fact hit different for me. i always want more and the brainrot is never ending and it's arguably not the most popular fic genre, so when i run out of content in the fandom of choice atm, i start making my own lol

🍛: have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both?

well, yes, for starters, several of yours!! 💗 like when someone leaves a nice/heartfelt and/or detailed comment on my silly little fics i am quite LITERALLY screaming crying (and only metaphorically throwing up) about it. that shit does in fact mean the most to me and i wouldn't push myself to actually try and do things i don't feel very good at if people did not seem to want me to do it, so when people feel Some Type of Way after reading something i wrote that is the ultimate goal. i wouldn't write stuff if i didn't want whoever's reading it to connect with and remember it, so i connect just as much back when they do!

🍢 : have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

thankfully i actually haven't yet!

🍣 : what helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

oof tbh i think me being ~in the mood to write~ is controlled by the whims of deities interested only in toying with me 😭😭 ive learned that even if i am not exactly in the mood i have to just Do it. and eventually i will either stop bc im like wow everything i am writing right now absolutely sucks! or i will get into it and figure out a whole bunch of shit and write 5k words. there is basically no in between lmao

🍥 : what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is also gonna have to be time takes no prisoners. it is kind of a big first fic for me- longest, first top gun fic, first fic to rly get comments or kudos, most chapters, fic i am the most proud of, first series based work, etc etc- and the story (though obviously not my own, as it IS just a retelling of largely canonical events i can't take any credit for) means the absolute world to me. it's probably going to wind up being my fanfic magnum opus lol. it is always gonna hold a special place in my heart. i just adore this fandom and these characters and i just akdhdjhfjfhf love everything about the whole mav-is-bradleys-dad shit and the by extension found-family-w-people-mav-knows shit. it is just major *chefs kiss* for me <3

if i needed to give a more creative answer in the pre ttnp timeline (bc that is how it feels sometimes lol. there is pre and post ttnp/top gun brainrot and nothing in between), i'd have probably said all this effort to make it look effortless, which was the first writing of any kind i had done since like 2018 or something idk. i wrote and posted it last year, not too long before i began to write ttnp (it was actually right before i saw tgm at all), and it's for the world's most obscure fandom and it's very very self indulgent and i rly did just write it for myself, there's like under 50 fics in that fandom and mine has less hits than that lol. but i was and am very proud of it! (tho w the hindsight of rereading i hate the formatting so much god learn to use paragraph breaks what is wrong with you aaaaaaa).

[circle-bircle]

should have made an emperor mateus ramble tag long ago. my mind is running WILD. anyway gordon/mateus??????

they're just sooo pretty. ive written about gordon before - he's the exact opposite of mateus so he'd be soo shy and lurk behind him while mateus hogs all of the attention especially if he were to have any sort of party. but i think they're similar in that they both dislike parties and big get-togethers - gordon's is probably because scott was always the one that managed to be conversational and well-spoken while gordon hid in the corner. while mateus wouldn't hide in the corner he's definitely an asshole if he knows other people are terrible as well - so the people who talk down to him or have made slights against him will bring him to be an embarrassment. so it's better that they don't have any grand parties at all :p

ugh and getting into even more hcs i don't think mateus has ever seen a chocobo before. gordon loves them so he makes mateus go riding one day and he's grossed out but gordon would lead him through the kashuan forests and talk all about his country and the best looking spots - it's one of the only things gordon is confident about and mateus can't help but be impressed by the knowledge imparted. but he would like to bathe, please, and get this filthy bird away from him. (the chocobo would love him regardless and try to get headpats and nuzzles).

there's two ways i think gordon could tell scott - either he tells scott the vague details - "i'm in love with someone" "who?" "i can't tell you." that sort of conversation, where scott is probably thinking it's a commoner or maybe a servant/a visiting lord/lady and doesn't have any idea for the longest time that it's mateus; or, gordon drops off the face of the earth because he's living in palamecia and scott would think he is dead. but no, he's just livin the life in the castle!!

plus i think gordon would thrive off of mateus whether it's like. peak "the emperor" or not. emperor mateus could order gordon to do something and he would do it just because he wants to be useful and as a prince he was just the backup lest scott passed, but here he's putting the skills he learned to use and mateus is proud of him!?

plus i think he'd like the grovelling at his boots thing just because of how wimpy he is.