#I think now though I would give it fewer stars

[takumiraine]

So I’ve fallen into the DPxDC thing. Not sure how, and I only have fandom characterizations and wiki knowledge but. I have a thing.

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Once upon a time there was a boy, no older than fourteen, with hair darker than night and eyes bluer than the summer sky. Once upon a time, there was a budding scientist with a caring sister and two lovably scattered scientist parents. Once upon a time, there was a terrible accident. Once upon a time there was a boy, no older than fourteen, with hair whiter than snow, skin paler than death, eyes greener than toxic waste. Once upon a time, the boy needed help as more and more potentially world ending events descended on his town. Once upon a time, nobody but the government came. Once upon a time, the boy, his sister, and his friends escaped.

This is what happened next.

When they split up, Danny had drawn Gotham. Gotham with its so called “vigilante family���. Gotham whose so called “protectors” had been asked multiple times through the so called “Justice League” for help. But just like true justice, they were blind to his requests. His pleas. Both he and Amity Park were left to rot. It had been five years now but Danny was still mad. When he and his friends escaped the three of them each went to a different League infested city. They weren’t strong enough to do more than gather intel but…. Intel would lead to openings.

It took a bit of Tucker’s help in re-establishing his identity and giving him a realistic transcript for what his trajectory would have been if he wasn’t constantly fighting ghosts (mid to high Cs with a couple Bs instead of mid to low Ds with a couple Cs). But he managed a halfway decent scholarship to Gotham U. It covered tuition, books, and just enough for some food.

Sure Danny was technically homeless, but he’s lived through worse. Besides, the shitty parts of town had plenty of empty apartments. Careful use of his ghost powers made acquisition of an apartment a breeze. By the time the semester started, Danny had found himself a place. Tucker had slipped into the network and made sure the landlord wouldn’t be renting it - a coincidental shift of the management had been really helpful, Danny wouldn’t lie - as it looked as if it had been permanently bought. Danny did some within-wall plumbing to get himself water access, then rewired the electrical box outside to grant him access to the grid. Though it was all illegal and would crumble if people talked to each other about it, he counted his blessings for the moment. Illegal meant fewer ways to be tracked after all.

Ridiculous that a nineteen year old had to think about avoiding being tracked, but here he was. Every time he saw the bat signal in the distance his core writhed, and the nearby ghosts scattered. Crime Alley had its own masked vigilante, who didn’t seem to be always on good terms with the Bats, which was fine by him. The less chance of running into them the less chance he had of blowing his “Normal Human Dan Nightingale” life to pieces. Danny hadn’t seen this Red Hood person face to face yet, but he had heard stories.

Gotham had enough ambient ecto to sustain him without his ghost form and trips to the Realms, which was good because the more he used his powers, the more likely he was to get picked up by the Government’s sensors. The GIW had been sent by The League after all. They were trouble enough on their own. He didn’t want them to have backup while his own was spread across the country. He missed flying and seeing the stars, but Danny had to admit that he was a huge fan of the not getting hunted for sport thing.

It made times like these difficult though. Currently Danny was being mugged. Or��� the guy was attempting to mug him. “For the fifth time dude, I live in this part of town. I don’t have any money.” Danny was trying to explain to the guy holding a knife to his midsection.

In another life he would have kicked the guy’s ass. Instead he had his hands up as he was pressed back to the crumbling brick and boarded up window of what used to be a shop front.

“Don’t play games with me kid! You’re going to college. You have money.” The guy pressed the knife point harder into his stomach, the knife tip barely a pound of pressure away from puncturing his skin. As it was he’d have to mend his shirt.

“Yeah, on a shitty scholarship. I can’t even afford dinner every night.” Thank god for ambient ecto. “Here I’m going to reach into my pocket and get my wallet.” Slowly Danny lowered one of his hands and slid two fingers into his pocket, coming back out with a thin, worn leather wallet. He raised it back up and unfolded it “no credit cards.” He slid his fingers into where he kept the two dollars he had left this month and turned them invisible. Then he tilted it so the would be mugger could see. “See? Nothing. Can I go home now? I’ve got the rest of an essay to write before the library opens tomorrow. I don’t even have a computer to type it on myself.”

“You’re lying! You’ve gotta have something!” The guy was getting more and more frantic. Probably jonesing for a fix of whatever drug flooded this place.

“If I had it I would have given it to you.” Danny explained patiently, “I have more sense than to get stabbed over some cash. But I don’t have it.”

“Liar!” The man yelled, jabbing the knife into him. Danny grunted in pain, not a shout, pain didn’t make him shout anymore, as the heavy thud of boots hit the ground. The guy was suddenly removed from in front of him. Danny swore loudly, careful to press his hands around the knife as his core demanded he do something. Instead all he did was breathe. When he got enough of a handle on the pain-fight response to know his eyes weren’t changing, Danny looked up.

The first thing he noticed was a red bat logo on the man’s chest. “Oh no not you.” He groaned half to himself.

The man slammed his mugger into the wall with a sick crack, and let him slump to the ground beside where Danny was bent over. “Excuse me?” The man asked, voice modulator seeming to glitch slightly, coming out more robotic. That was probably Danny’s fault. He needed a tighter control of his aura. But he didn’t have it right now.

“I don’t need your help.” He ground out through grit teeth.

“You’ve been stabbed.” The man explained, as if Danny was someone in shock. Which, fair. He might be.

“You’re one of those Bat fucks. I don’t need help from a Bat.” He grit out in reply, voice barely held together under his growl.

“I am not with the Bats.” Danny snorted, then groaned as that was the absolute wrong choice. Instead he just reached up with one bloody hand, which he couldn’t keep the slight tremor out of, and swiped his blood across the red bat symbol on his “hero’s” chest. “Oh. That. We…. Had a falling out.”

“Right. Well. I’ll leave you to it. Next time, let me get mugged.” Danny took another fortifying breath, trying to settle his core. It screamed pain-revenge-fight at him, but now was not the time. He needed to get back to his apartment and get this knife out of him. Then check in with Sam and Tucker. Maybe Jazz. Though she was at one of the Ivy League schools and he really should leave her be. Let someone have a future.

The man with the red bat logo said something after him as Danny shouldered past and shuffled down the street, but Danny ignored it.

Fucking Bats. Fucking Gotham. Just…. Fuck.

[pluckyredhead]

i really wanna know your ideal dc publishing cause seriously they could be doing so much and instead choose the absolute worst trashy choices

Lol thank you for indulging me, anon. I have thought about this EXTENSIVELY so sorry not sorry for the tusnami of opinions you have unleashed.

Before I get into the list, a few points to explain my approach:

ONGOINGS. I am a firm believer in the importance of ongoing series. There's nothing wrong with a miniseries but you can't get any forward momentum or character development with them because things keep getting reset to their baseline. Get really strong teams on your ongoings and let them develop their stories for years at a time. That's where all the legendary runs come from.

To that end, I am proposing a list of 30 books, which is a little more than 7 per week, which is roughly what DC publishes now (not including things like Sandman, Looney Tunes, etc.). They can add on as many minis as they want but will need fewer since so many more characters are accounted for with ongoings.

I am a strong believer in backup features - more value for your dollar and double the amount of characters included - so you'll see a lot of those.

I tried to balance what I personally think would be the most holistic representation of the DCU with what I believe will sell, so you're still going to see a lot of Bats. It should be understood that books without Bats are not going to be treated like throwaways like they sometimes are now. They are going to get top tier creators with long, sustained runs, just like Bruce always gets.

It will not be a publishing slate of all straight white guys from the 30s-60s.

Books with an asterisk* mean they will be kid-friendly. Not exclusively for kids, but appealing and accessible to young readers, the way Young Justice and its members' books were in the 90s. They can still include ongoing plots and queer characters and serious topics! They just shouldn't be relentlessly grim.

OKAY THE BOOKS!

Super Books:

Superman*: The lead Superman title, with a backup featuring starring Jon.

Action Comics*: Focuses more on the Superfamily as a whole, though the plot can dovetail and cross over with the main Superman book. (This is basically what's happening now.) Backup feature rotates between Kon, John Henry, Natasha, Kenan, Lois, and Jimmy.

Supergirl*: Why did I give Kara her own book and not Kon or Jon? Because a) DC needs more female-led books and b) I want to. The primary audience for this book is women who watched the CW show, or girls who have outgrown TTGo! and DC Super Hero Girls, NOT ADULT MEN. (Optional: Kon or Natasha backup feature.)

Bat Books:

Batman: Like the Super books, this would be the central title and focus on Bruce. Backup feature can rotate between the nine billion Gotham characters who need a home.

Detective Comics: Focuses more on mysteries/the family. Another rotating backup feature. NOTE: These backup features CANNOT star a character with their own book (Bruce, Dick, Damian, Selina, or Harley).

Nightwing: Dick sells. ;)

Robin*: Starring Damian, Tim gets a team book further down.

Batwoman: Perhaps we could try letting a queer woman write this for once? Revolutionary, I know.

Catwoman: Because she fucking rules.

Harley Quinn: Because she fucking sells.

Birds of Prey: I prefer a classic Babs/Dinah/Helena lineup but I'm flexible.

Batgirls*: If it’s too messy to have Babs in BoP and this, take her out and add Harper.

Red Hood and the Outlaws: Imagine if this book was good! In my universe, it will be.

Solo Books:

Wonder Woman

Flash: This will star Wally. Optional backup rotates between Jay, Bart, Ace, and Avery. Barry can show up sometimes I guess.

Green Lantern: Starring Hal, John, or Kyle. Whoever is the lead CANNOT also be on the Justice League.

Green Lantern Corps: Okay yes technically this is a team book. Shhh. Guy should always be on this book since he does better in an ensemble. The plot should dovetail loosely with the main GL book with an annual crossover but you don't have to read both if you don't want to. I am flexible about how to fit all the Earth GLs in (including Simon and Jessica), whether that's backup features or just including them in the GLC ensemble, but all six should always have a publishing home. Jo should get as many prestige graphic novels as N. K. Jemisin and Jamal Campbell care to bless us with.

Aquaman: Jackson backup. Please let him go back to being Aqualad and stop making everyone grow up so fast.

Green Arrow: This book is currently perfect, no notes.

Blue Beetle*: Starring Jaime, though Ted may show up to be annoying if he would like. A Booster backup is permissible.

Vixen: If they have a Webtoon they should have a comic for $ too.

Zatanna: See above.

...I'm torn between Shazam!* or Stargirl* here. I feel like they both kind of fizzled? I guess it depends on which book gets the better pitch.

Team Books:

Justice League: I mostly don't care who is on this but if it's a bunch of white guys plus Wonder Woman and either John Stewart or Cyborg as tokens, AGAIN, DC gets shut down permanently. I don't make the rules.

Justice Society: This is also not allowed to be only old white guys. I know that's harder with the JSA. I don't care.

Titans: I'm going to be honest, I'm not convinced the OG/New Teen Titans can star in a decent book anymore, since they haven't done so in two decades. But I will give them one more try. They can call themselves the Outsiders instead if that helps.

Young Justice*: They also maybe need a new name because they are all legal adults, but this is Tim's book. I'm highly skeptical of success here as well but I think the right creative team could make something really soapy and New Adult and queer work. Please keep in mind that there are nine trillion characters in the DCU who are roughly Tim's age to draw from; the "Core Four" (ugh I hate that term so much) can all be members but they are not the only members. (Cassie cannot be the only girl and it cannot be all white.)

Teen Titans*: Damian's team! I vote for characters like Emiko, Ace, and Jackson here, but I'm flexible. THE AUDIENCE FOR THIS BOOK IS MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, NOT PEOPLE WHO GREW UP ON WOLFMAN/PEREZ. Jesus, DC.

Suicide Squad: I truly do not care about this book but we need to do something to appease the edgelords.

The New Gods: I'm thinking EPIC, I'm thinking KIRBY, I'm thinking SIMONSON. Everyone talks in a serif font and it should be impossible to explain out loud with human words. It's what Kirby would want.

So there it is, there's my pitch. Again, this doesn't cover minis (Elongated Man miniseries WHEN), event books, etc., but I think it gets most of the key players on the board!

(And yes, I know I left the Legion out. I'm sorry. But not very sorry. They can cameo in Kara's book.)

[yanban-san]

Binging the Eldritch Submas for that sweet sweet fluff with a dash of nervousness and not-quite-understanding-but-eager-to-learn-about-humanity monster content. 👌👌👌 That's the good stuff right there.

It's been said and written many times before that the twins tend to leak their true forms when flustered/in love/~spicy times~ happen, but could the same also be said when they're angered? Not annoyance or impatience, or "Gods not this twat again", but actual, unbridled pissed off anger.

Scenarios abound because brainrot real.

Emmet happens across a small group of onlookers while doing his rounds, curious to what caused the gathering. Lo and behold, Darling is there, dealing with a rude patron. He goes in to take care of it, but gets a front row seat to a sucker punch at Darling. He can feel his form starting to split as he not-so-gently shoves the attacker back towards the other Depot Agents, barely holding it together as he gives orders. When they leave and the gathering is ushered on their ways, he briskly leaves to the employee only areas, away from humanity's sight. Darling follows in concern, knowing that Emmets is barely held together with only force and will, and finds him cracking out of his human shape. Both travel to his office away from prying eyes, where Darling thankfully manages to convince him to not kill/erase the attacker or to not cause grevious harm, and comforts him with care and reaffirmations.

Ingo and Darling are in the tunnels for safety checks and maintinence, Darling on lights while Ingo's on the tracks. The light to their left's alright, the second one just started, when rapidly approaching footsteps catch their ears. Darling looks down in time to see a trio of troublemakers approaching before their ladder gives way with a shove. The world is alight with pain and stars in the air when they collide with the railing. When the world is clear again, they hear retreating footsteps and screams fading to the distance, and can feel the darkness surrounding them. Ingo's form is cracking, threatening to swallow the tunnel (perhaps beyond) with the little that's already out. Darling pushes up off the track, and Ingo is instantly next to them, focusing on them with the troublemakers pushed out of mind. His upper face is stuck in shadows with a few too many silver eyes, and is hugged all the same. Legs having turned to jelly, Darling is swept up by Ingo and carried down the tunnel. Reaffirmations carry down the tunnel softly as the pair travel down.

Put it under spoiler tag 'cause is long ^^

Emmet didn't bother walking, in truth. He took a step forward, and his destination became a far closer than a single mortal stride ever would take him.

An unruly passenger. Someone whose heart was overtaken by anger, over what? A train running late? A missing pass? What silly things to be so upset over.

They would have far more pressing concerns soon enough.

"…and FUCK you!"

"Please, Sir, I'm just following procedure- We can replace your pass, but I need to see your I.D-"

Oh?

The sound of your voice surprised and alarmed him- Weren't you on break?

And the way that mortal spoke to you-

"Out of my way." Emmet demanded, briskly moving towards the sound of your voice and across the clusters of customers and would-be passengers in front of him.

All that mattered was you-

"For the last fucking time, I ain't showing you shit-"

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir. You're causing a disturbance-"

"Like hell I am! I'll cause as much of a disturbance as I want!"

You sighed heavily, trying your best to maintain your composure. Though to be fair- Would Emmet and Ingo even punish you if you didn't? Given how they treated you now, and especially now that you knew- Or well, sort of knew- What they were, they'd probably think it very endearing-

"…All because YOU won't do your fucking job!"

You shook your head, looking around, and barely paying attention to the insults being hurled at you- Few customers were watching, and fewer still were even in the area. You'd already called Gear Station Security, and all that was left was to wait the few minutes it would take for them to arrive. One way or another, this man wouldn't be getting a free pass, or even another ride on the train. How unfortunate. Not.

And then you heard a familiar clicking of heels. Not like the any of your coworkers walked, but a strange rhythmic, distinctive clicking- Of a man who was more like a oricorio then any human.

But who really wasn't a human at all, was he?

"Oh, Emme-!" You shouted, gesturing for him to come over- Anyone to deal with this slimeball- But your words faltered, looking at the glint of venomous ire in his eyes.

"Fucking pay attention-!"

And out of the corner of your eye, you saw the man approach- And specifically you saw his fist.

And closed your eyes, turning your head away in anticipation of the blow- That connected with your face, but far lighter than you'd thought he'd strike-

"What the- fucking-"

"Oh my. Someone isn't following proper safety procedures."

You turned to see not your attacker, but Emmet- Standing between you and the customer, holding their fist in his own hand-

Crack.

"Fucking- OW!"

The man winced, and Emmet kicked his legs out from under him- Still holding his clenched hand.

"Shut up." He continued, his voice as icy and dead as seemingly possible-

"Who the fuck-"

"I said. Shut up." Emmet repeated.

The man opened his mouth to speak- And nothing came out. His frame trembling, his eyes wide-

"Sir!"

"We're so sorry, we were responding-"

Your coworkers- And two security guards- Stopped when they saw you, lying on the ground with a slowly blooming bruise on your cheek- And their awe-inspiring Lord and Master holding down the worm had injured you.

"Em-Emmet-"

Emmet's attention lingered on the man a moment more before he shoved him backwards- Falling down to your side.

"My poor love-" "Are you alright?"

"It's- It's just a bruise, it'll heal-" You spoke carefully. If you made too light of it, they wouldn't pay attention to your words- If you made it too serious, they wouldn't be as merciful as you were trying to train them to be.

His smile was pained as his silver eyes scrutinized the blemish on your face. His hand caressed the corner of your face, squishing your cheek and making you wince. His eyes narrowed.

"You've been hurt." He remarked. Yes, you wanted to say, but that doesn't mean you need to erase this guy-

You pushed his hand away, making him flinch. "I'm fine, Emmet." You retorted. He opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it, turning his attention to the Depot Agents behind you.

"Ramses. Remove this man. He is not allowed in Gear Station. Or any station for that matter. Ever again. You three. Assist him."

Ramses nodded, and the rest of the depot agents followed his orders- And Emmet picked you up, dusting you off.

"You alright?" Ramses asked. He may not have been a particular kind Agent, but he wasn't apathetic, either- And the bruise on your cheek was turning an awful shade of reddish-brown, and rather quickly.

"I- I'm really okay, that was just a bit of a shock, really."

Emmet grabbed your shoulder tighter. His mouth split open again, but no voice came out.

"Emmet." You warned, noticing the dangerously bright glint in his slit-like pupils. His gaze turned back to you.

"Daaarling…" he pouted. "Fine. You need medical attention. Come with me."

"Wait-"

But he would not listen to your protests, and in a flurry of movement you were in the back hallways of Gear Station being lead away with your beloved, most likely towards a med station or something-

"Emmet," You began, trying to get his attention.

He kept walking, drumming his free hand against his lips- His mouth wordlessly opening and closing.

"Emmet-"

His stare intensified down the hallway, his pace picking up as he muttered to himself in a voice quite unlike the voice of Station Master Emmet. "He shouldn't be ali-"

"EMMET!" You raised your own voice, grabbing his arm with your free hand.

Emmet stopped walking, looking at you out of the corner of his eye.

"…Yes?" He finally answered.

"I- …I'm okay. You already banned the guy from Gear Station, you don't need to do anything else." You explained. "I'm okay."

His grip on your hand tightened.

"But that man hurt you."

You sighed. "Y-Yes he did, but that doesn't mean he deserves death."

Emmet's head tilted away from you. "He deserves worse-"

You shook your head, squeezing his hand back. "No, he really doesn't."

You continued on. "You don't need to react so strongly, Emmet- Yes, that guy did something bad, but- He's going to suffer enough being banned from the Subway, don't you think? Look at me."

He shook his head.

"Emmet… Please look at me."

"…No."

You looked down at his hand. One, two, three… Four, five, six- Seven- fingers? Clothed like the glove, but different.

"I don't mind what you look like." You offered. "You have extra fingers on your hand right now, you know."

He tried to pull his hand away. You held on. "All that means to me is I have more hand to hold. And I'm not letting go."

You squeezed it harder. "You were really cool back there, you know."

His body relaxed. Oh?

"It was thanks to you that this bruise wasn't worse. And it was super cool how you leapt out to save me. And how you grabbed his hand. And you shut him up just by intimidating him."

The face of your beloved began turning towards you.

"I'm so glad to have such a wonderfully strong boss who works so hard to protect me."

You leaned against him. "And I'm very glad you listened to me,"

"So won't you please look at me?"

Emmet turned his face to you- His smile pursed, his eyes- Cracking. Like dried up, ancient plaster, revealing a shadowy shape underneath- His mouth came open a little bit, the maw darkened within- His sideburns giving way to feathers and fur and silky-shimmering-ribbons of white and silver. His pupils were slits, glowing with the smallest hint of light- Yet still bright enough to make the lights of the hall seem dim and dull in comparison. You grabbed his cheek, holding his face in front of you.

"L-Love," He stuttered out, as you rubbed the corners of his cracked face.

"Shh. You've done good, Emmet." You remarked, gently tracing the edge of the visible feathers- They were soft, and cool and warm and perfect to touch. Your hand shivered as you brushed them, and he closed his eyes gently and slowly, watching you the whole time.

"You did good. Thank you."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Stay close to me," Ingo ordered. You nodded quietly and cautiously, and Ingo's arm went around your shoulders, pulling you close to him.

"We don't know what exactly is down here- You wanted to see what it might be?"

"…Yes." You nodded again, looking up at the Subway Boss. Despite the darkness, his silver eyes shone brighter than the light around you. It was frightening- The tunnels of the Subway were dark, twisting- And ever-shifting and ever-turning. Ever since you learnt the truth of your bosses, you'd learned the truth of Gear Station too- And how the tunnels were constently the subject of attacks from… Other things.

And your curiosity got the better of you.

You wanted to see these Other things, if you could. Besides, if Ingo and Emmet were as powerful as they said they were, resassuring you that you would never be hurt by those Other Things- Would it be such a problem if you wanted to encounter one? Especially with them to protect you.

Ingo wrapped his arm around you, even tighter. "I won't let you go."

You hugged him back.

The two of you walked carefully in the dark tunnels- Your footsteps clicking, yet not echoing- The light illuminating the edges of the tunnels seemed dimmed, somehow- Offset by the brightness of the fire-lights of Ingo's dear chandelure, floating around the two of you in contentment as it moved back and forth around the tunnel.

You stayed mostly silent, listening carefully as you approached the strange sound, echoing down the halls of the Subway Tunnel. It only grew louder and louder, a horrible screechy-groaning-grinding sound that reverberated in your ears and left them ringing. Ingo grabbed you harder, stepping forward- His silver eyes blinked slowly under the brim of his hat, less like a blink and more as though he were paying attention to something-

"Ah." He remarked- And you turned your head up to him, tilting your head curiously. "A T-junction is stuck, it seems. …I don't believe it's anything… Supernatural, my dear."

"You can tell all that, just from closing your eyes a second?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"…I can tell you anything I like about these tunnels, my Love." He drummed his hand along your shoulder, making you shiver. "Here, let us deal with that racket, first. It must hurt your ears."

You nodded, and the two of you approached the problem area, rounding the corner to see the T-junction beam bent out of shape, and several of the tunnel lights humming and flickering-

"Hmm." Ingo noted. "I'll handle the rail. Will you take a look at the lights?" You nodded in response, already rolling up your sleeves. The lights didn't seem to be out, but were certainly behaving strangely- No doubt due to some Joltiks having themselves a feast, you guessed.

Ingo hopped down over the railing of the maintenance trail and you settled in front of the circuit box for the lights, and- Yup, chewed through, frayed wires. Nothing a little electrical tape, and a few replacement wires, wouldn't fix, you were certain. You couldn't help but turn to Ingo while you taped some of the exposed bits up- Ever curious as to what he was doing. He looked down at the bent, twisted rail, grinding against itself, and suddenly it was engulfed in shadows- And a loud clunk and bang later, the shadows unraveled, and the rail was- Fine. Better than fine- It looked brand new.

You were about to ask him what exactly he'd done, when suddenly you heard a shuffling in the darkness of the tunnel- And you turned your head to see a large, heavy thing rapidly moving towards you- Falling on top of you. A ladder. What was a ladder doing here?

Ingo heard your yelp in surprise, and you flinched, unable to move.

"Holy shit-" "Bolt!" "Go!"

The impact never came.

"Are you alright?"

You opened your eyes nervously- The ladder that had been threatening to squish you like a wurmple was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Ingo was holding you. Tightly.

"A monster-!" "Holy fucking shit-"

You craned your neck to see the shadows of- Teens. Of course. Bolting their way up an access ladder back into a street above the tunnel, where sunlight poured down- But was blocked by a shadowy shape, reaching out into the rays, almost looking like they pulled at the light- Covering the walls and undulating like a living mass of darkness- Which is what it was, wasn't it?

"Darling?"

You turned your head to look at Ingo again- A shadowy figure dripping with darkness, with silver lights of eyes looking down at your figure. You felt the cold, smooth tentacles wrapping around your skin and cradling you tightly.

"I-I- I think I'm okay," You breathed heavily, feeling your heart beginning to settle from the shock. The shadowy figure picked you up, cradling you tightly against his chest-

"Y-You're a lot larger like this," You remarked. "All the better to protect you, my Dear." He purred back. "I would hate to think about what might have happened had you been injured…"

"Thank- Thank you, Ingo."

Your boss-turned-Sweetheart-turned-inhuman-monster cuddled you tighter. "Let us return to the safety of Gear Station… I would feel better if you were there, especially to recover…"

And off he went, carrying you- Settling back into a more human form, silvery-eyes looking at you from out of the darkness, closing the moment you made eye contact with them. "You're cute like this."

Ingo stopped for a second, the eyes shutting around him as the ones on his face widened. "W-What? What do you mean?"

"Your eyes. They're pretty. Like starlight. And your shadows, they're very comforting-" And you craned your neck, kissing him on the cheek-

"But not as comforting as having such a protective sweetheart like you around, Ingo."

"I- I-"

You almost giggled at how flustered he sounded, stuttering out words as his fingers dug into your sides where he carried you- And other hands grabbed, holding you tightly.

"That- That is, it would be- Expected, I would think-"

"Expected or not, thank you for protecting me, Love."

He took a deep breath. "Of course, My love." He gripped you even tighter- Almost painfully so. "Be a little cautious with your words," He breathed out, his voice strangely calm. "I have quite little patience when it comes to being so tormented by your affections, My dear."

You could feel a blush spreading across your face- And if there was any light left in the tunnels, you would've been able to see that Ingo had much the same across his own human features.

[quinn-pop]

About metadede headcanons (it's not much of a headcanon more like how their relationship evolved and my headcanon timeline about the Kirby games)

•They were friends since childhood.

•They stayed as friends until Dedede declared himself the king of dreamland, they were traveling through stars until that and meta didn't wanted to stay in one star for the rest of his life and wanted to go adventuring through space.

•They still give each other calls and hangout, but as the time passed (and dedede started to change aka get cropted by power) those calls and visits became fewer and fewer until they didn't talk to each other.

•After that the first time Meta heard about dedede was due news that said king of dreamland stole all the food. Meta realized the power went to his head back when they were still hanging out, but he didn't think he would stood that low.

•Because of that meta knight figured out the best thing to do was to dethrone dedede, he wasn't planing to give dedede any massive punishment at worst he would send him to dangeon for a few months until he learned his lesson, but when he got out he wouldn't get his throne back.

•Meta knights revenge happens and after that Kirby informs dedede about the events and he says he will think about it.

•When it's time for Kirby's adventure, king dedede against his better judgment gives one of the star rod pieces to meta because he trusts him.

•Due to that Meta and Dedede starts hanging out and Meta realizes that Dedede has changed for the better (in my headcanon dark matter trilogy happens between superstar and adventure).

•After that they become friends again and fighters 2 happens.

Now for some non-timeline related headcanons:

•Meta likes to sit on top of dedede's head to feel tall.

•Dedede can pick meta in his hands.

•Dedede doesn't want anyone to know that his possessions has left an affect on him so he doesn't talk to anyone about it, luckly ,even tho meta is terrible at picking up on social ques, noticed something was wrong and talked to him about those things and made dedede feel better.

•When they were children Meta once gave Dedede a rock that he thought was pretty cool, and Dedede said "Yes, I will marry you" since he was told rejecting an offer from a friend was rude.

•In things where meta needs to have normal sized arms compared to dedede (like hugging dancing etc.) he uses his wings.

Sorry if it is too long.

not too long at all! thanks for writing all that!

it’s really interesting to me just how popular the childhood friends headcanon is, considering there’s not much canon basis for it (not that that matters.) it’s a really cute hc though and i’m always happy to see it

definitely always love the star rod thing. it’s interesting that even back then mk and dedede were kind of cast in the same light, y’know? that being a point they connect over makes a lot of sense—your timeline is a lot different than mine here, being placed after romk, but it’s pretty cool that dedede would trust him with that even after that. adds a layer to it.

anyway i drew a couple of those headcanons just for funsies

i do think meta likes to be held, just probably not in full armor and where everyone can see him lol. it’s definitely a little awkward given their sizes though. holds like burger…

i’m not really a childhood friends metadede believer but imagining their dynamic is pretty fun? especially if we’re adding the Spanish speaking mk hc into this. i guess for some reason i imagined dedede as a little more shy here? just not quite broken out of his shell yet…no pun intended. they can have shenanigans together or something

and dedede only accepting meta’s “proposal” out of courtesy is so funny lol. i can imagine him going home after this and being a little upset because now he feels like he has to marry him. i’m sure the conversation that followed that was very fun /sarcasm

poor meta must’ve been very confused ^^” ah but the irony…

it’s just a very endearing concept to me. cute :>

[eridanidreams]

Snippet Sunday

tagging: @bearlytolerant, @silurisanguine, @aro-pancake, @fangbangerghoul, @atonalginger, @aislingdmdt, @fshenkoescape, @ninjaofnaps, @lisa-and-shadow, @a-cosmic-elf, @thatsgoodsquishy0, @hockeydemon42, @fomagranfalloon, @violenceandviolets, @therealgchu, @staticpallour, @artemis-crimson, @genesisarclite and @constellation2330

More from the upcoming chapter of stars through my fingers...

They wandered the gaming area for a while—it wasn't just the Mile people bet on here. No-holds-barred fistfights in zero-G, whether a smuggler would get through security, how long a LIST colony would last against the Fleet (Cait's eyes went pink at that one, and it took a good several minutes for her to calm down). All the while keeping up a smile, trolling for Mei Devine.

Eventually—as they'd known she would—she took the bait.

Cait's hand tightened on his arm a half-second before a voice spoke up behind them. "Sam Coe."

Sam pulled Cait close against him, arm around her waist, as they turned. "Ms. Devine," he replied amiably.

Mei Devine gave him a flirtatious little smile. "I'm told you spent a great deal of time here before I took it over." She gestured to the room about them. "Do you think it's an improvement?"

He hid his disgust under a sunny smile of his own. "I must confess to havin' a bit of nostalgia for the old days, but," he let his eyes wander across the people getting rich on other people's blood, "this is probably better for business. Fewer gunfights, for certain," he added as one of the Ecliptic guards crossed into his view.

"Oh, it is!" Devine tossed her hair back. "We get all kinds of business in and out. In fact," she gave him a speculative look, "I have to wonder if you're looking to get back in the game. A man of your talents could find it very… lucrative."

"Could be that's true," he replied. "Would have to be worth my while, though."

Devine laughed. "Well, then I wouldn't waste any time on young Jade over there." She gave Sam a sly look. "Her sister's a Freestar Ranger. But of course, you know that."

He smirked. "Well, this ain't Freestar space, is it? We got reasons not to spend time at the old homestead." He glanced at Cait, giving her a squeeze. "Ain't that right, darlin'?"

Cait took the cue admirably. "Except for Neon," she said softly, giving him a wide-eyed look. "Neon can be fun."

"Ain't no place like it," he agreed. In so many ways. "Just chock full of… opportunities."

Devine's eyes narrowed, giving her face a particularly vulpine look. "Well, if it's opportunities you're after, I might be able to arrange something. A meeting, say? With someone whose operation is… significant."

Cait's body was taut with nerves; Sam ran his hand up and down her side in a soothing gesture that an outside watcher would take for salacious. Playing the part—the Coe brat, all grown up and still getting into trouble. "I might be interested," he said. "Favor for a favor, I take it?" He offered Devine an engaging smile. "You're far too savvy a businesswoman to offer something that valuable for free."

"You do know the way to a woman's heart," Devine purred. "But it's simple enough: it's been too long since we had proper entertainment. If you could provide that… the famous Sam Coe, a runner on the Red Mile. Why, you might be a bigger draw than Donovan Rhys!" She put her finger to her lips coquettishly. "Especially since he keeps coming back alive. I'm afraid he's just gotten too… reliable."

Sam chuckled. "Well, now. That's an interesting offer. In my younger days I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but…" He trailed off, the very picture of a man caught by a dilemma.

"I can assure you, the prize is worth the price," Devine said. "Run the Mile for me, and I'll give you Marco Graziani."

[beanghostprincess]

Wait do you also spam posts on the Zolu and Lusan tags as well? I haven't been on those so idk haha. And I know you said don't ask buuut why do you ship Lusan? 😅 I ship every other character together easily but I can't see the appeal between those two. Except for like post time skip. I'm trying to understand it.

mmm i wouldn't say i spam posts on those tags, but i do post a lot about them?? i think i just post more sanuso and zolu. more sanuso, probably. or maybe it's just that there are fewer people posting there and it makes my posts stand out more. we need more sanuso shippers, besties!!!

and you're asking me why i ship lusan but the true question here is why wouldn't i.

they're so romeo and juliet!!! so poetic!!! so love story by taylor swift!!!

it's not only because of whole cake island (that does help a lot, though) but their relationship dynamic and story as a whole. sanji grew up with a family that made him believe he was worthless and undeserving of love, and suddenly this silly guy appears out of nowhere saying that he wants him to come with him on an adventure because he believes he's the best cook ever (complimenting something his family constantly told him it was a weakness). he tells luffy about the all blue, opening up his heart and dreams to him in such a beautiful way that luffy can't help but say "yeah. this is the one. this is my cook now". they both share the same hopes and dreams!!!! reaching for the stars!!! fighting for their beliefs that everybody told them they wouldn't be able to follow!!! it's so so beautiful.

also, for luffy, food is something really important. not only referring to the comedic relief side of it, but also on a character level. food is what gives him strength, and it's also his love language (he's selfish when it comes to eating, but offers food to the ones he loves and cares about). and for sanji... well, food is his whole world. he won't let anyone starve, no matter who it is. it's the perfect dynamic. for luffy, food is important, not only bc he loves it, but because it's what makes him keep going (he literally needs to eat more than twice a normal person would because his power requires it). and for sanji that's!!! his perfect person!!!

whole cake island showing luffy refusing to eat until sanji comes back is so,,, i can't put it into words. but it's majestic. poetry. such a devotion to his cook it hurts. and sanji can't let him starve!!! it's so kzsdbjkasdbjkab i'm weak. crying. sobbing. luffy literally can't become the king of the pirates without him. he said it himself.

and also: luffy sees through sanji. we know luffy is like, the most empathetic character ever because he has this perception of people that's always so so accurate. he sees them as an open book. crystal clear. i mean, not really that crystal clear all the time but he knows when somebody is lying to themselves or him. and he knows that sanji is lying to himself in whole cake island the same way he's been aware of his insecurities ever since they met. and it's SO good.

the passion and devotion a cook and his constantly hungry captain have for each other is so intimate... luffy is curious by nature and wants to know more and more about the world and sanji. and sanji could just settle for cooking for him and finding the all blue, but luffy brings out that dreamy nature in him. luffy helps him ask for help and be himself.

sanji is selfless. luffy wants him to be selfish.

and it's!! so good!! so so romantic!!!

also don't get me started on luffy's speech to him because that's literally pride and prejudice mixed with romeo and juliet and a hint of corpse bride.

and yeah, you were talking about not getting the appeal pre time skip? well, let me tell you:

it might not be as romantic as post time skip, but it still is beautiful. sanji follows luffy to this adventure because he wants to find the all blue, but also because luffy has a dream even crazier than his. after being told countless times that his dream is a lie and impossible to achieve, seeing somebody as reckless and impulsive as luffy wanting something like being the king of the pirates does something to sanji. once again, as i was saying, luffy makes him want to be selfish. sanji doesn't want to leave the baratie because he feels like he owes zeff his life. that's his home, but also where his father and savior is. he wants to leave. he just doesn't know how to without feeling guilty. both luffy and zeff help him realize that he needs to go after his dream.

also, sanji's obsession with women goes beyond, you know, anything. but his devotion to luffy is stronger!! when you leave the comedic gags aside, of course.

besides, their dynamic is extremely funny. sanji is calm and mature and luffy is a menace to society. but... are they, really? because their dynamic is always funny like that, but also... it's kind of the other way around. luffy might seem immature and impulsive (he is) but when it comes to other people's feelings he's always the first one to understand. sanji, on the other hand, seems to have everything under control but once stuff like wci happens, we see that he's actually pretending to be like that. he's just a kid. he's scared and insecure and trauma suddenly hit him like a fucking truck without him expecting it and luffy is the one that needs to save him.

!!!!! lusan is GREAT. not only bc their "love cook x insatiable eater" dynamic, but because of their understanding and love for each other.

look, sanji is a damsel in distress and luffy is his knight in shining armor. except that they're actually a cook with an abusive family and an intense captain with a lot of love for food and his cook.

also they're very cutie patootie and they act very silly goofy together. i love when they're calm and laughing and nobody has to go through intense trauma for them to be happy in the end.

just look at them and tell me they aren't in love (although i see them more like in a queer platonic relationship but that's for another day):

that's sanji's ray of sunshine right there!!!!! and luffy's damaged wet cat!!!!! they're so!!!!! luffy can't be the king of the pirates without his cook and sanji can't find the all blue without his captain!!!

[jacensolodjo]

A lot of people point to Birobidzhan as proof of the Soviet Union not being antisemitic after all. But the fact of the matter is, while Birobidzhan was partially the brain child of a hopeful Jewish population, it was in fact a place they were allowed simply because it meant fewer Jews in the more populated areas of the Soviet Union.

Also don't get me wrong, Birobidzhan is not a ghost town. A bunch of Jews still live there (though honestly only 1% of the population now is actually Jewish). But it is a dying town. As Israel became a much more viable option for 'Soviet' Jews, the more Jews left for it. Or to the United States or Canada or wherever else. Birobidzhan's highest population numbers hit 80k in 1989, just before the Wall fell. It now hosts approximately 75k people, 1% of them Jewish. But there are also Gentile Koreans, Chinese, Ukrainians, Cossacks, Mongolians, etc.,

Birobidzhan was considered to some a compromise over going to Israel. The problem of course is that Birobidzhan was still in the USSR. However, you would not get blacklisted just by whispering its name like you would when talking of Israel. Because if Jews weren't dying in pogroms or giving up their 'Jewishness', having them leave the Soviet Union to instead be citizens of Israel was unacceptable. How DARE these Jews claim to not be Soviets? How DARE they leave behind the glorious Soviet Union? Even if we treat them like crap how DARE they leave!!

The area they were given for this new 'Jewish Autonomous Zone' was pretty much a desert. Jews were essentially being sent to wander the fucking desert again. Nothing really grew in Birobidzhan that could sustain such a population increase in the 1930s and anything that started to manage it often died off. Through a lot of hard work, they have greenery going on but not necessarily food. To say nothing of the infrastructure already there and just how isolated it really was. At least half of the Jews who arrived at Birobidzhan returned to whence they came because of just how difficult it was to live there.

By the way, did I mention that Birobidzhan was a place already occupied and the original population were told to pack up and get out if they didn't want to be around *gasp horror* jews?

While many Jews left for Birobidzhan of their own free will, many more fled there after being the target of pogroms and other antisemitic attacks in the rest of the USSR. It became a place that the powers that be (in a system that was supposed to give power to the people but didn't) knew they could find Jews to either exploit or kill anytime they fucking felt like it. Think Kristallnacht but many nights and many whims. You know, pogroms against people who had just fucking fled pogroms.

In this once upon a time in so called Jew Utopia, it was illegal to not only study the Torah (and the Talmud and everything else) it was also illegal to learn Hebrew or Yiddish (frequent visitors to my blog or just ppl who know will be aware this was true of basically every language that wasn't Russian which says a lot but i digress. But that does not mean everyone ONLY knew Russian because of course people will take the risk to learn a new language if they feel they must). Birobidzhan became a place eventually where they had a newspaper written in Yiddish (Birobidzhaner Shtern, meaning Birobidzhan Star in Yiddish appropriately enough) for a population that probably didn't even have it as a third language much less 2nd or 1st. It did however get the distinction of being the largest Yiddish language newspaper in the entire Soviet Union but as mentioned earlier that doesn't say much when the people of Biro barely got away with having Birobidzhaner Shtern in the first place.

It continues to publish to the present day so it can be considered one of the longest running Yiddish newspapers in the Eastern world (though not uninterrupted. There were many interruptions). It was also written in Russian, for all those Jews who never learned Yiddish (Not just because it was illegal. It sometimes wasn't viewed as necessary to know. Hebrew was used for worship and Yiddish for a long time was considered a lesser language when you already had German, Polish, Russian, etc., but many did still use it for everyday discussion. I have seen some people even now make fun of Yiddish which is... not cool. There is a difference between making jokes and making fun.)

Essentially, having any kind of proud Jewish soul was next to impossible in the Soviet Union. Worship was illegal, the language of our ancestors was illegal, our books were illegal. Yes, many still did all that stuff anyway but that doesn't erase it being illegal. If you were caught you could be executed for it same as many were executed for speaking or learning Ukrainian in the same time frame. Again, doing all this in Birobidzhan was basically living on borrowed time. At any moment the powers that be could decide they also could not stand having Jews in the ass end of nowhere being Jews.

Those living in Birobidzhan from the 1930s onward (remember, it was already settled when the Jews got there after a very trying journey) were all too aware that they weren't hidden. The powers that be knew exactly where Birobidzhan was, many Jews had actually been sent there from places like Ukraine and Belarus for being annoying about Russian settlement in their lands but not enough to send them to gulag. So they still lived in fear of the pogroms following them. They were also on the border with China and thus served as a low key deterrent for Chinese expansion. The Soviet Union even called the mass settlement operation the Birobidzhan Experiment.

In 1948, Stalin enacted a 'campaign against rootless cosmopolitans'. Cosmopolitan was almost always an antisemitic dogwhistle. 1948 is also when Birobidzhan was nearly bulldozed entirely. It had outlived its usefulness but managed to survive just barely.

Following this, 4 years later, in August 1952 came the Night (isn't it always for tragedies affecting Jews?) of the Murdered Poets. ALL 13 victims were poets who were Jewish and wrote predominantly in Yiddish. Some had a connection to Birobidzhan. Including a man who had the strongest connection to Birobidzhan, David Bergelson who came from a Ukrainian stetl before settling in Birobidzhan. Mere months later that same year, in November, St*lin erased all doubt about whether Jews were welcome anymore (and had never really been anyway): they weren't. He used the term Jewish Nationalist (basically any Jew that didn't consider themselves only Soviet) as well as a recorded use of the phrase "eat the rich" (again an antisemitic dogwhistle in that time frame; not saying it is now. it was also used against Ukrainian 'kulaks/kurkuls' to justify the Holodomor) in a speech to the Politburo.

It also continued his campaign for the Doctors' Plot, as that same speech had him railing about his belief that many doctors were 'Jewish nationalists'. From 1951 to 1953, any doctor was suspect even if they weren't at all Jewish (this was a belief shared by many nazis as well). With all of this going on, everything Jewish culture was closed down in Birobidzhan, just as in the rest of the Soviet Union. The mask had finally fully fallen approximately 30 years before the Iron Curtain fell and only 20 years after Birobidzhan was founded as a Jewish Autonomous Zone. Birobidzhan was never a true safe haven, nor had been the Soviet Union as a whole. The Soviet Union had always had the power to shut it down, it barely tolerated such a concentration of Jews simply because it was in fact so far away from 'civilization'.

Things only got marginally better for Jews in the Soviet Union when the Purim Miracle of 1953 happened: the death of St*lin. He had been ready to give the green light on a far reaching campaign that could have seen more than 75% of the remaining 'Soviet' Jewish population eradicated but, as the mention of Perum implies, this was stopped in its tracks with the death of St*lin. Even without St*lin, however, any Jew that so much as whispered about going to Israel was, again, blacklisted (which meant losing their jobs and homes) and given the title of the very thing Soviets hated: leeches aka people who relied on welfare (because remember they didn't practice what they preached about everyone deserving to have a life worth living no matter their ability or who they were).

Birobidzhan, while still populated, stands as a cautionary tale and proof positive that the Soviet Union lied for its entire existence about Jewish treatment and that russia has inherited this tendency. If it sounds too good to be true (especially for Jews), then it probably is.

TL; DR: there has never been a fucking Jewish utopia in the Soviet Union and anyone saying as such is a liar who has gaslit themselves into believing otherwise. With often the 'but there were SO MANY Soviet Jews' line being proof while forgetting (conveniently) that the USSR was a HUGE place to begin with that swallowed many countries that already had a well established Jewish population (Ukraine, for instance). And no points are given for pointing out 'marx was a Jew'. He was self-hating (and his entire family had converted away anyway) and led the charge in insisting Jews give up their Jewishness for the sake of communism. And Marxist Jews are deluding themselves.

[poppinlovemp4]

what are your thoughts on each nct member

im crying there are 22 of you here thats fewer people than nct. who's sending me this. anyway im bored so ill answer... really long obviously there are so many guys

i dont have any thoughts on the wish members ive never streamed idk any of their names and i'll keep it that way bless their hearts. or not idk

jisung: idgaffff his dancing is overhyped and he's charmless to me and i hate deepvoice rappers forever

chenle: probably nicest voice in dream but that's a really low bar. dont really have other thoughts. i've heard he cares a lot about basketball which can either be charming or offputting i dont know enough about him to say

yangyang: thats OOMF top 3 in ncity to me <3 i really did not care about him all when i was first entering weishenville sorry for my anti-kpop rapper bias but he's soooo fun to watch onstage. imo the only one other than ten obviously who's got a good handle on #It. and he has the cutest smile ever probably. and i like him :-)

jaemin: idgaf i literally cannot think of a single thing to say here

haechan: seems like an unsavoury bloke from what i've seen of his scandals and i hate his voice so so so badly like when i first listened to 127 on purpose i had to pause and look up a lyric video to see whose voice i hated so much. good performer though

jeno: least fave nct member and i dont like many of them. disband

renjun: hope he's feeling better these days. no further thoughts

hendery: thats OOMF but kind of less than the rest of wayv sorry.. he's like one of the only idols ever i think is genuinely funny the way he speaks and acts is so 😭 i really dont know how he comes up with any of it. was sincerely baffled when i found out he wasnt wasian

xiaojun: he's all right

mark: ive literally never been impressed by any performance ive seen from him idk WHERE people get the all rounder genius idol thing from it's not showing #ToMe!!! the originator of many fave reaction images though so he's okay in my book

jungwoo: idgaf. wait no back when djj was announced people kept comparing him to xiumin in cbx to justify his place there (as in 2 main vocals / guy who isn't a main vocal) and he is not xiumin he could never dream of having my beautiful sister's charisma uniqueness nerve or talent! other than that idgaf

winwin: saw the news today hope he heals all righttt and it's nothing too serious... as an idol he brings nothing to the table except cuteness and that's not very important to me so i hope his career in cn thrives bless

jaehyun: tbh when nct first debuted i hated him so badly for literally no reason like his face just made me so mad. and look at us now <3 he is my entire 127 tag. i liked his debut so i'll continue following his solo career and he's also funny to me but i can't say that without feeling like jaehyun tote bag tweet

ten: thats OOMF another top 3 member <3 he's EVERYTHINGGGG imo the only nct member who's like absolutely a star & built to be a soloist.. i cannot wait for his second albummm i love his vision he is so so so so insanely talented it boggles the mind. and also so cool... i rarely think idols are cool but he is so cool

doyoung: he's a crazy ass hater with an evil spirit but i kind of fuck with it idk if i had to pick a second fave 127 member it would probably be him he's funny to watch. i streamed from little wave a few times also

kun: thats OOMF every time he's mentioned that he was the one who pushed for a certain song/production choice (new ride being in gmt, the strings at the end of omy) it's been one of my favourite parts of whatever the final product is so i really appreciate that. ten's kinda right about him he's so old but it's really charming to me

yuta: idrgaf. i thought his solo debut was interesting ill be giving his future stuff exactly one stream and perhaps more if the execution improves

taeyong: i think it's so funny how everyone buys the cutesy act he started going hard on immediately after his bullying scandal came out😭 loved his work on baby don't stop & call d. hated his work on everything else. every time his verse on rv's cover of be natural comes on i take a moment to curse him out

johnny: from chicago and yet so deeply charmless he gives this beautiful city a bad name. disband

[sqarletsworldlesswandering]

Angel's Fight Ramble

Y’know how I was rambling about fighting Angel early on? That got me thinking, so I ran a (rather poorly conducted) experiment with three different runs:

The Unenthusiastic Hunter:

Follow Aven’s course until you get Shooting Star: Midnight Forest -> Scarlet Ravine -> Overgrown Sanctuary -> Silver Peaks

Explore somewhat thoroughly as you go.

Results:

A sizable number of enemies and upgrades.

Bow and Ice

You get most of Edda’s skills.

Around three stamina upgrades (I think)

A couple health upgrades

Angel only took one attempt.

Note: I hadn’t realized I was going to do this experiment yet, so I didn’t take notes – these are approximations.  

The Bloodhound:

Follow Aven closely until you get Shooting Star: Midnight Forest -> Scarlet Ravine -> Overgrown Sanctuary -> Silver Peaks

Minimal exploration - nothing more than a dash or so out of the way.

Results:

Fewer enemies, but still a good handful.

Bow and Ice.

Less of Edda’s skill tree:

9 orange

5 blue

One or two stamina upgrades (no notes, probably 2 though)

2 HP upgrades (I think)

Angel took 2 tries – timing is much more important.

Amusing aside: the Seraph thing in the Sanctuary killed me two or three times on this run (and only this one).

Vendetta:

Go as directly for Angel as soon possible (Note: as far as I am currently aware, without much careful examination.): Midnight Forest -> Overgrown Sanctuary -> Scarlet Caverns -> Silver Peaks

Minimal exploration, same as above.

Route: Midnight forest until you get Shine, then to the Sanctuary through the In-Between door. Follow the (now shortened) Aven route to Shooting Star, then cut through the Scarlet Caverns to the In-Between door, then to Silver Peaks.

Note: in the Forest, I briefly went back to grab the moth. You could skip that, but it gives you one less point and it’s on your path to the door anyways.

Results:

Even fewer enemies

Ice only. No Bow.

Minimalist but redistributed skill tree:

6 orange

5 blue

2 stamina (Note: I had three extras. Knowing that, I’d probably skip the two flower puzzle shards and the sneak shard in Sanctuary, since those slow you down a bit.) 

1 health (Note: This could be skipped as well, if you’re being rigid. It’s…relatively inconsequential.)

Angel took 4 tries (maybe 3, I forgot to count). There’s even less margin for error and the absorption meter takes much longer to fill. I also discovered Angel’s spear will one-shot you like this if you miss the guard impact, so…. Yeah.

Some personal conclusions:

Guard Impact, Counter, and Early Guard Impact are necessities.

Ace Cut is extremely helpful, as is the Perfect Guard bonus.

Maxing out lightning helps too.

Apparently I'm better at the Bow Release than Sword Release.

Not having the Bow really sucks.

Thank goodness Angel doesn’t have a health bar to juggle (Demon, I’m looking at you).

In terms of my own story-fication of this, Edda lands somewhere between the Bloodhound and the Unenthusiastic Hunter. Vendetta would require her to really want to fight Angel ASAP, over and above following Aven. I think there’s some very interesting interpretations to explore there, but for my own version I’m leaning away from it in favor of following Aven more doggedly first, then turning to Angel sometime before they unite.

[dustyisforever]

A Shadow of the Colossus Review

by DustyIsForever This is a review. It's about a video game, which is a kind of movie you watch with your hands.

In 2012, Shadow of the Colossus became the first thing I ever saved money to buy. After watching the “Nerd³ Plays” video where he calls it a “perfect game,” I began to daydream about it obsessively. I stuck the facetious label “Ye Olde Jar o Talents” on a mason jar and brought it to school so I could beg my classmates for funds. This worked, however incredulous it was, but I didn’t buy the game. I didn’t buy the game for years, and even after that I didn’t play it for at least a few months. It was like an old Russian novel to me: something that always existed in the future for which I could never consider myself prepared. And then I did play it and it was great.

You can either read it here or on a published Docs page. But be careful. It's pretty long.

This is a review of Shadow of the Colossus. It will contain spoilers. I first played the game a long time ago, but I went back to it a few times over the years. Recently I watched a close friend play it. We had some conversations about it. Soon, I’d like to see my wife play it as well. She can’t read this review yet because she is, incredibly, going to be playing totally blind. You can imagine how rare it is to play something like Shadow of the Colossus without knowing anything about it beforehand.

As I promised not long ago, I'm going to start writing essay-reviews of many games I enjoy. But first, I'd like to elaborate on my method. I have a particular framework for expressing my opinions of these games that I've developed as an alternative to a 10/10, 5/5, 40/40, 100/100, or other numerical art goodness judgment system. The aim is to provide the foolish satisfaction of a number score while cutting back on its pitfalls and biases. Number scores are unhelpful. In a 10/10 system, one finds that a 10 means that the reviewer idolizes the work, a 9, 8, or even a 7 can mean that they enjoyed it, and anything below that might mean that they disliked it, hated it, thought it was tedious, or simply misunderstood it. Opinions don’t fit neatly on a graduated, linear scale. Our value judgments are relative, as in: I liked this more than that; never absolute in the way numbers would suggest. We know this but pretend otherwise. How fun to bestow a cherished piece of art the honor of your perfect number! We're all pleased to think that our opinion is intelligent. My goal is to indulge that, but with restraint.

The first principle of my system is that I only bother rating games that I already know I love. Though there is surely as much to be learned from "bad" art as "good" art, I want to avoid negativity. Also, I find it’s easier to assign a score with restraint and thoughtfulness when a bad score isn't in consideration at all. It also means that I, as a critic, produce fewer reviews overall, which should make each review more characteristic and the overall corpus more consistent.

My second principle is that the highest number I'll use is three. Mr. Ebert was onto something when he made the alluring choice of knocking the tail off of the five-star format. It made all of his ratings look smarter. Five stars was for the common people; real intellectuals expressed their taste in the glamorous new fashion of four. Now it's my turn. I've one-upped the fallen old man, who once failed to appreciate John Carpenter's The Thing (1982). I dare to fly with merely three. And no halfsies, either. No point to it if I’m going to decide to give a game a one-and-a-half because that would be a six-point system in disguise, wouldn’t it?

My final principle is borrowed in part from Famitsu's thing where they divide scores into parts that can be treated either separately or summed. They do that with four reviewers. In my case, I cannot judge the work from the perspective of multiple people (I am only one person). Instead, I split my score into two numbers representing two priorities. That’s two numbers ranging zero to three, written X-Y. For instance, Shadow of the Colossus is a 1-2 game.

The first number, on a scale of zero to three, represents the aesthetic merits of the game. This can include everything experienced by the player. It may consider the art direction, the sound and music, and the narrative design. It also may refer to the dynamics of the design and the "choreography" of interaction, in a very formalist sense borrowed in part from Graeme Kirkpatrick's Aesthetic Theory and the Video Game. Interactive design is just as much a part of the media content of a game as the audiovisual presentation.

To be less academic—I like to summarize the first number as the question: "does it make me cry?" because it captures that it's often a sentimental thing. High-scoring games on the first number tend to be tearjerkers.

Why should Shadow of the Colossus get a one out of three in this category? Well, a one isn't really a low score in the conventional sense. My system is built to specify why a game is great. A zero would mean "this game is great, but it has nothing to do with the aesthetics." I consider Shadow of the Colossus to be aesthetically great, just not as aesthetically great as a few other games.

I like to call the other score “does it blow my mind?” to highlight that it pertains to games that impress me. Expect more elaboration when I get to the second half of the review.

When I first made up this system years ago, I tried to list a bunch of old favorites as examples. At that time, I stamped a 2-1 on Shadow of the Colossus. Mark the difference! It means that now I appreciate its technical achievement more but have tempered my feelings about its content. This change of opinion came to me when I recently watched a close friend play through the game for the first time, hanging out over her shoulder. The banter we shared dampened the emotion of the experience—for example, she already knew Agro was going to fall off a cliff sooner or later and by the time she did, it affected her more like the punchline to a drawn-out joke. I was a little offended. Her more detached play experience exposed some of the game’s weaknesses to me.

In 2012, Shadow of the Colossus became the first thing I ever saved money to buy. After watching the “Nerd³ Plays” video where he calls it a “perfect game,” I began to daydream about it obsessively. I stuck the facetious label “Ye Olde Jar o Talents” on a mason jar and brought it to school so I could beg my classmates for funds. This worked, however incredulous it was, but I didn’t buy the game. I didn’t buy the game for years, and even after that I didn’t play it for at least a few months. It was like an old Russian novel to me: something that always existed in the future for which I could never consider myself prepared. And then I did play it and it was great.

My original rating of two reflected the beautiful score and the sublime desolation of the game, which inhabited me then as it does now. When I take a walk in the woods, I am visited once more by the mystery of “To the Ancient Land.” It’s a good season in my life to return to the game. I’m in a forest often.

But unrelated to my time in forests, I’ve spent the last year thinking a lot about fantasy. I fell out with it some years ago and only recently began rehabilitating my affection for it. Shadow of the Colossus belongs to that estranged clade of fantasy, the fairy tale, which has become my favorite.

Fairy tales are mysterious but well-patterned, made from a pool of common morphologies, which folklorist Vladimir Propp called “functions” with perhaps excessive precision. A glancing comparison will hopefully show how much like a fairy tale Shadow of the Colossus really is. Propp’s functions came originally from his syntax of Russian folk stories. Shadow of the Colossus is neither Russian nor folk, through it deploys several such functions in an identifiable and properly consecutive fashion:

Absentation, interdiction, and violation all before the prologue is over

Trickery as Dormin tells Wander what must be done to revive Mono

Departure, as Wander begins the quest to slay the colossi, and various functions of the Donor, who is also Dormin

Quite a bit of struggle and branding as Wander does his colossus-slaying and dishevels himself gradually with dark magic

Pursuit (by Lord Emon)

And then the punishment and reward are cleverly reversed, because of course in this special video game that people who don’t call all video games art sometimes deign to call art, Wander was in error all along.

I think that to leave the analysis at that would be a failure to appreciate the particular flavor of this story. There are many video game stories where the player character ends up ethically compromised for some narrative effect, but the aesthetic appeal of Shadow of the Colossus is grossly different from, say, Spec Ops: the Line. Wander is more like Hamlet; he retains his hero-ness the whole way through, yet still the fate of his quest is doomed by circumstance.

What he must do is awful and painful to him, but he’s stuck on this path. The closing of the door to the bridge out of the Forbidden Lands is a literalization of this. The inciting events of his journey—the superstitious sacrifice of an innocent girl—make his goals noble from the start, and because he does not have the information to understand the cost of his deeds until it is too late, we cannot say that he is ever malicious. The player is clued in that something is wrong through visual suggestions that Wander does not necessarily see or understand, including the doves and ominous shadow-people which gather at the Shrine of Worship. These devices are not employed in any way that comments specifically on the medium of video games; nothing about them is procedural. They are very conventional vectors of good old-fashioned dramatic irony.

Furthermore, we don’t textually know at all that Dormin is evil. The antagonist Lord Emon who opposes Dormin and Wander is possibly responsible for Mono’s death. He reminds us, if we have played ICO, of the people who unjustly imprison that game’s hero on account of his “cursed” horns. Once we abandon the idea that the Lord Emon narrator/antagonist character is a trustworthy authority, we lose the only voice telling us that Dormin is dangerous. And at the end of the tale Dormin, surprisingly, keeps all of his promises to Wander: Mono is revived and Wander’s body is returned to him. He even gets his horsey back! Very sweet. And the final scenes, which play out leisurely beside the scrolling credits column, show a bright and sun-dappled garden. Mono, robed in her white gown, comforts baby Wander while surrounded by wildlife and green trees. A fawn appears. The imagery is positively lousy with symbols of innocence and spring.

And, if we’re going to permit ourselves to get biblical, isn’t it a little like a reverse Genesis? Wander follows the instructions of a higher power despite a warning from Lord Emon, who has special knowledge. As a result, a woman is saved from her “cursed fate” and the only way out is permanently closed, trapping the woman and the revived hero in the garden of paradise.

Shadow of the Colossus tells a tragic and subversive story, but it does it entirely within the syntax of its folktalesy story genre. It doesn’t have the flavor of subversiveness which comments on other works or the conventions of its own medium. To understand Undertale’s project, you need to be familiar with other JRPGs. Shadow of the Colossus would preserve its message in any medium.

This point isn’t really doing anything to bump my score up or down, but it’s a line of thinking I’ve revisited many times while writing about this game. I think that what really took Shadow of the Colossus from a two down to a one was the inconsistency between encounter designs.

My friend caught on quickly to the first several colossi, even prevailing where I remember having stumbled (my younger self was completely stymied by the sixth, called “Barba” by fans). But as the latter half of the game wore on, she spent more and more time running in circles. Numbers nine, eleven, and twelve all exasperated her. Each of them involves a special trick that must be discovered before they can be made vulnerable. Colossus number eleven, for example, is covered in armor that can only be broken by using a torch to chase it off of a cliff. But no other encounter shows you that there’s anything you can hold in your hands besides the sword and bow you start with. To even get the torch, you need to stand on a plinth holding up a brazier such that the colossus charges at you and knocks the torch loose. But my friend did not even realize that the plinths were climbable; they can only be grabbed from the sides, which is difficult to see and execute when you’re constantly charged at by an enemy that stuns you on the ground for a few whole seconds whenever it hits you. The tedium was too much, and the game lost its magic and atmosphere. The battle against the last colossus was pretty disheartening. No sense of an emotional climax came through. Instead, as I watched my friend fall over and over from its hands and shoulders and whatnot with all the tenacity of a lint-covered novelty sticky hand, I could only hope desperately that she wouldn’t put the game down right then and there.

In some moments, it’s plain to see that Shadow of the Colossus is testing the player’s patience with purpose and meaning. Each encounter culminates with Wander clutching to fur, often on the head of the colossus, holding on just long enough to get a good stab. The colossi shake and Wander dangles on, unable to get a steady hit. It’s frustrating to have to wait for a tiny window of opportunity to land a blow, but this is clearly by design. If the fight could be ended as soon as the player got into stabbing position, the anticipation would resolve too quickly. Giving the player sweaty palms, making them really clench the trigger button, serves to procedurally convey the ordeal Wander faces on-screen. You hold on (to the controller) to hold on (for dear life) in a very successful bit of hand-to-screen parallelism.

But at other times, the game slips away into pointless futility. In many fights, the trick that makes the colossus vulnerable is only effective for a short time, so the player must hurry to seize the opportunity. Often, the time window just isn’t long enough, and the player is compelled to retry, but the novelty of discovering the trick has already disappeared. The ninth colossus’s arena is huge, and when you knock it onto its side, you have to maneuver over to the far side of its body every time. It’s fiddly and protracted, and it’s a case where the game inadequately reacts to the player executing on what should feel like the turning point of the battle. It took my friend about four tries to ascend this colossus successfully. And it’s a turtle, so it isn’t even that tall. Really lame.

My own remembered experience, rooted in some British guy’s twelve-year-old YouTube video, is very different from the one shared with that friend of mine. I saw a game denuded of its majesty by our ongoing joke that Agro would be the final boss; a joke between pals on the proverbial gamer couch. A couch that, if it were not replaced in our case by the deep phenomenological chasm of several US states of distance and a Discord RTC, would be evocative of the one shared by Misters Cheadle and Sandler in the film Reign Over Me.

It’s a largely forgotten film, but consensus says it’s surprisingly well-regarded: Metacritic awards it an impressive 8.5 user score, which it labels “universal acclaim.” Adam Sandler plays a traumatized man who, after losing his family in 9/11, quits his dental career and whittles his days scootering around, playing the drums, and remodeling his kitchen over and over. Don Cheadle is his former college roommate, a successful dentist with a family, who runs into him late one night. The two rekindle their friendship and are both healed for it. This involves a lot of Shadow of the Colossus.

When Don Cheadle first sees Sandler, he can’t get him to stop and talk. Their second encounter happens when Cheadle drops off his daughter at a friend’s house. He intends to go back home to his wife to spend quality time solving a puzzle with her. Suddenly, Sandler flies by on his scooter. So instead, Cheadle gets him to stop and talk. He asks if Sandler is “practicing,” by which he means “practicing dentistry.”

“I’m practicing all the time, up in the valley. Took down twelve of the colossus so far” “The valley? What is that, is that a medical complex or something?” “It’s more… like another dimension. You take a journey, you discover yourself.” (Reign Over Me, 13:50)

He gets Sandler to sit down for Starbucks, where Sandler violates assorted social norms as per a 2007 movie’s notion of a traumatized person. Sandler acts as if he doesn’t remember Cheadle but they make conversation regardless and before you know it, Cheadle is at this guy’s apartment.

Cheadle needs to use the bathroom. Sad music begins to play. Cheadle briefly glimpses a room with furniture covered in sheets—evidence that this man once had a family. Then there’s a mournful-looking shot where the camera stares straight down Sandler’s darkened hall and distantly we see his TV. He’s climbing the first Colossus. That’s a funny thing to do if you’ve finished three quarters of the game. I guess he has more than one save file. So that he can practice more, of course.

As the movie goes on, the two intertwine into each other’s life in a conventionally dramatic way. Sandler is a broken man who throws tantrums and lacks responsibility and ropes Cheadle into a Mel Brooks marathon showing on the night Cheadle’s father dies, and in turn, Cheadle suffers various embarrassments to his career and family because he has compassion for his friend. And sometimes we get to see more Shadow of the Colossus, which Sandler often calls “Shadows” of the Colossus.

In its second appearance, Sandler is fighting the fifth Colossus—my favorite—and Cheadle takes the controller. We get a montage. He can’t put it down. Sandler teases Cheadle, he says he’s addicted (to Shadow of the Colossus). Cheadle jumps to his feet, paces around the couch in frustration: he demands one more try. He refuses Sandler’s suggestion to stop and “let it soak in,” he’s determined to get it this time. Number fifteen falls and Cheadle pumps his fist, shouting “co-lo-ssussss!” in a funny voice. The montage ends, and with it goes our brief window into an otherworld where playing Shadow of the Colossus actually looks like that.

Or, hey, that’s not so fair. Maybe, for Mr. Adam Sandler, playing Shadow of the Colossus is about practicing each fight over and over and pumping your fist triumphantly when you finally win. Maybe he got a New Game Plus save file when he picked it up on eBay that let him fight the colossi out of order. For his character—who, as I’ve neglected to mention, is named Charlie Fineman—the game is supposed to be a metaphor for 9/11, of course.

Back in ‘07, Kotaku managed to get in touch with Jeremy Roush, who worked as an editor for Reign Over Me. Apparently, the role of Shadow of the Colossus in the film was inspired by Roush’s father.

The Vietnam War left his father 100 percent mentally disabled with post-traumatic stress disorder... Unable to work, he spent the days and evenings watching sci-fi thriller Aliens over and over again until he actually had to buy a new VHS tape. "Aliens is a thinly veiled kind of Vietnam veteran kind of story," Roush explains, "and watching it is a way of thinking about it without telling yourself you are thinking about it." The movie was visceral therapy for his father… Refusing to accept the death of loved ones. Seeking out an escape from that truth. Giants falling in slow motion. "You could see where someone who was dealing with 9/11 would be engrossed by a giant that keeps collapsing over and over again," he says. Charlie's therapy was Shadow of the Colossus. (Ashcraft p.2)

Roush, who was responsible for the idea to include the game in the movie, had thought seriously about the thematics. In Reign Over Me, Charlie Fineman’s fixation on Shadow of the Colossus is a deliberate symbol of his grief, boxed into a safe and distant replica of tragedy which he can watch himself overcome again and again on the plasma TV.

Later on in the film, Cheadle manages to drag Sandler to weekly therapist sessions, but they go nowhere. Sandler refuses to speak about his family and leaves each session after just a few minutes. But he does say “I like to play Colossus!” (Reign, 1:13:29). In this movie’s understanding of mentally ill people, or at least in Roush’s, PTSD sufferers seek out proxy-triggers to act out the procedure of grieving with none of the pain. I think that I preferred the movie before I learned this. It just doesn’t make as much sense to say that the colossi are all supposed to be, like, the twin towers. Isn’t that bizarre? I mean, I had just assumed that the game was more broadly supposed to be a parallel to the ordeal of overcoming grief, and that the colossi were the grief. Grief is like a colossus, or like colossi, because it can feel so much bigger than the griever, so invincible and enduring. That’s why it was so strange to me that he never makes it further through the game over the course of the movie. In the very last scene, when he’s in his new and well-lit apartment, do you know what he’s doing? He’s playing it again, but he’s back to number thirteen. I really expected him to finish the game by the end, which would parallelize his grief struggle with a struggle to take down the colossi. It would represent something. However, the truth is that the colossus encounters are supposed to be 9/11, and he’s mentally recreating a facsimile of 9/11 every time he plays the game. Infinite, furry World Trade Centers getting stabbed by Adam Sandler over and over.

Sorry, that might have been a digression in poor taste. You didn’t expect to read a review of Reign Over Me within this review of Shadow of the Colossus and it was a little deceptive of me to jam it in there. But I thought about it so much, you have to understand! It’s fascinating to me how I could arrive at such a different interpretation of the movie than was apparently intended. The same difference goes for the game itself: Mr. Roush definitely got the gist of Shadow of the Colossus, but he applied the game to the movie in such a different way than I would have.

Let’s talk about the technical side of things instead for a short while. A nice palate-cleanser. It might seem unbalanced to devote one half of the score system to technology that is seldom appreciated by the audience—this score is more than that. Perhaps you were left confused when I didn’t explain it in much detail earlier, back when I was still laying out the way the system works. The slogan “does it blow my mind?” suggests that this category seeks to appreciate the craft of game development. A good example of something non-technological that “blows my mind” would be the dialogue system in Hades; the incredible effort of writing such a massive script and then organizing it so cleverly certainly does blow my mind, speaking as a game developer and a very slow writer.

Shadow of the Colossus is an exceptionally technically impressive game that deserves more than the 1 I assigned it on the spot so long ago. Through optimization, fakery, and creativity, it packs in the most sophisticated graphics the PlayStation 2 can handle, including HDR lighting, self-shading, long-distance level-of-detail mesh transitions, real-time fur rendering, volumetric particles, and anisotropic light scattering. Most of these practices were considered next-gen at the time of the game’s release. Some of them still feel shiny and new in 2024.

Team ICO accomplished this through ingenuity and strict scoping. Out of any of my sources, I learned the most about it here. Of particular interest to me is the usage of procedural animation and inverse kinematics, of which I’m a big fan. If you are one of the few beautiful souls in this loving universe who have read my blog(s) before, you know that I’ve been working on and off for a long time on a project that relies heavily on inverse kinematics called Flower Pot. The inexpensive algorithm I use in my own work, called FABRIK, was not published until 2011. Furthermore, Shadow of the Colossus has very complex character models and needs to clearly telegraph the movements of the player character and the colossi. For this reason it also dynamically combines animation data keyframed by an animator with the movements computed by the inverse kinematics algorithms. They did this on a CPU that clocked at about 294 megahertz (see Diefendorff).

I won’t reproduce diagrams here because they’re already available in the translated article on Léna Piquet’s website, which I linked above and which may also be found in my sources. To be honest, there is less for me to write in this section of the review because there is not much new to say. The achievements and process of Team ICO have been extensively documented and explained, much more than almost any other game. What is especially unique about Shadow of the Colossus is that much of this dissection and documentation has been done by outsiders: fans who never had access to the team or their materials.

Of particular note is Nomad Colossus. I found a Fandom wiki article about this guy. It says, “Nomad Colossus is a well-known figure in The Shadow of The Colossus community. He's most well-known for his insane dedication to the game and downright jaw-dropping data-mining” (Team Ico Wiki). Passionate! But the article has no comments. Yet on the other hand, a skim of the community message log page shows that at least a dozen users have worked on this wiki within the last several months. A tantalizing window into a community, or one of a million lost corners of the internet? I cannot rightfully say.

Nomad Colossus uploaded their first Shadow of the Colossus-related YouTube video in April of 2010, four and a half years post-release. It’s been much longer than that since Breath of the Wild came out and I’m still surprised whenever I see someone running it in an emulator. The video is titled “Shadow of the Colossus - Through the entrance,” and it shows Wander on horseback in an area normally inaccessible except in cutscenes: the north bridge into the central shrine. He rides Agro through the narrow gate passage on the other end of the bridge. The path continues into a void for a long ways, but the horse stops as if running into a wall.

Since then, Nomad Colossus has published 346 videos (if I’m counting correctly) pertaining to Shadow of the Colossus, prying at it with camera hacks, model viewers, and data manipulation. He reveals mountains and plains and islands and ruins all inaccessible in normal play. Their work, comprising so many short, uncommentated videos, can be engaged with as a companion book to the game; Nomad gradually turns the elusive horizons of the Forbidden Lands back into data, into geometry stored in a file system. Numbers on computers permit no mysteries. A number is autological; before being applied to another end it represents only itself. A number is atomic, it has no secret compartments. Through the efforts of explorers like Nomad Colossus and their emulators, no pit has been left unaccounted for on the DVD-ROM. Nomad renders Shadow of the Colossus into a wholly unmysterious object. This is not a criticism of their work.

At the same time, the game continues to support an incredible abundance of perceived mystery. After all, this was why Nomad Colossus’s work began. The so-called Secret Seekers and their famous thread on the PSN forums were dedicated to unearthing what they imagined to be the mother-of-all easter eggs. They began with intense clue-hunting and then moved on to the less speculative arts of boundary breaking and data mining, albeit after dozens of pages of effusive discussion. The intentions behind the game’s design were a favorite topic. Their style of discourse was dense with wild, associative connections; the possibility of subtextual hints by means of biblical allusion was on the table before even the end of the first post (Quest for the Last Big Secret). “Fumito Ueda is infamous for his attention to the most minute, intricate detail,” this post says. But to say he is infamous for this—does that not suggest the consensus of many people? I suspect that the Ueda these individuals imagined was not an accurate model of the real one. There was no secret last colossus, after all.

These are only a few of many voices on the internet professing all kinds of opinions about the game, its content, its intentions and meanings and forms. A quick survey will show substantial diversity of interpretation: I found a passionate review on the “patientgamers” subreddit decrying Shadow of the Colossus as “one of the worst games I’ve ever played” for its “non-existent story” and “Genuinely awful clunky movement and controls” (AstraFuckingGooGoo). In “Shadow of the Colossus: a Retrospective View,” NoobFeed user BrunoBRS calls the game “a love story, of what limits can a man go for his loved one, but it is, most importantly, the tale of David and Goliath” in a passage of lavish praise for “what he truly believes is the greatest game of all time” (BrunoBRS). The similarly-titled “Shadow of the Colossus: A Retrospective,” an article on The Boss Key, calls it “a game all about and only about killing the boss monsters as a means to an end” (Koop). “Shadow of the Colossus Retrospective– A Tragically Beautiful Love Story,” brought to us by Taylor Lyles on DualShockers, says it’s “so much more than just a boss rush game; it is the story of a boy who cared so much for someone he loved that unleashed all sorts of hellish things to save her” (Lyles). Shadow of the Colossus retrospectives are, as they say, like assholes: everybody has one. I am included. Shades of consensus and contradiction are to be found in abundance in each discussion of the game.

And what of my own opinions? They depend on a perceived counter-opinion in many ways. My revised scoring suggests how I remember my past self. In my discussion of the aesthetic content of the game, I call for a new perspective that de-emphasizes the notion that Shadow of the Colossus deliberately works to subvert a convention of the medium of video games. But couldn’t I be accused of failing to establish that this notion existed in the first place? Let me provide an example of that notion, at least. Here’s another retrospective. It has the word “retrospective” in its title. It’s called “START/SELECT: Consuming Loneliness: A ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ Retrospective,” and it was written by Mac Riga for the Georgetown University student newspaper. Here’s Riga’s take:

Team Ico sought to make a game that laid bare the contradiction of video games. It held up this beautiful medium, the pinnacle of self-isolation and escapism yet one that fosters empathy and self-reflection more than any other, and begged the player to wrestle with that irony — to come to their own conclusions about what it means to be alone, what it means to consume video games and what it means to do both simultaneously. (Riga)

This is surprising. Riga isn’t talking about the moral irony of monster-slaying in video games, which is more or less the topic of the counter-opinion I imagined myself to be opposing. But he is saying that Shadow of the Colossus is trying to engage in conversation with a convention of the medium of games, and to me that was the important part. For Riga, it’s a game about “self-isolation” and “empathy.”

Maybe it would be helpful to check what Fumito Ueda has to say. Even if you’re the type to faithfully invoke The Death of the Author, you might still agree, I hope, that discovering the designer’s intent will provide a reference against which to compare other views.

“I’ve never thought that “cruelty” is something forbidden in video games. Video games seem to require cruelty as a means of expression, and that being the case, I wanted to try and present my own take on cruelty. That was really the seed idea of Shadow of the Colossus.” (Ueda)

Here in a 2005 interview with CONTINUE magazine, Ueda casts Shadow of the Colossus as a game about cruelty inspired by the cruelty he sees as required in games. My analysis is thrown into doubt even further! It was intended as a deconstruction all along. But wait—Fumito Ueda from 2019 might be here to save me.

Was the overall aim of SOTC to question why it is that most games are about killing and how we have grown so comfortable doing so in a virtual existence? Fumito Ueda: I play games where violence is a factor myself, so I do not dismiss such games. However, through the production of Shadow of the Colossus, I started having doubts about simply “feeling good by beating monsters” and “getting a sense of accomplishment”. I tried thinking if there were any other choices for different kinds of expression, then ended up with such settings and rules as a result. Rather than try to deliberately create some sort of antithesis, I focused more on the consistency of the design as a product and differentiation (from other products). (Taylor)

Apologies for another long block quote; I really think the context is worth leaving in here because it helps to illustrate that, while Ueda is not exactly contradicting himself, different circumstances have prompted two answers with very different implications. The interviewer in the latter source seems to be aligned with the popular view that the game narrative is chiefly an exploration of morality. Which I do not disagree with, either: I should reiterate that my disagreement is with the view that the game narrative is specifically an exploration of morality in the medium of video games. The interviewer suggests that by saying that “most games are about killing.” Ueda seems to dismiss the idea by going on to say that the game was not crafted as “some sort of antithesis,” but that those themes emerged simply by trying to make a unique story. But in the former interview, Ueda asserts that he was “inspired” by the prevalence of “cruelty” in games. We are deprived of an authorial view where we might find stability; such a thing would have protected us, maybe, from the wild menagerie of contrasting views we face instead.

And could it be possible, if you would excuse the sudden break, that Reign Over Me (2007) starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle might not have always been actively trying to frame Shadow of the Colossus as a pseudo-Freudian stand-in for 9/11? More importantly, do we have any meaningful way to be sure? No, I think it’s more likely that suggestive forces have moved in with us permanently and that their furniture is too numerous and heavy for us to kick them out. It is impossible to speak on the aesthetics of a work, especially one so widely critiqued as Shadow of the Colossus, without necessarily speaking on what was spoken before. It is impossible to even play the game without encountering these extratextual conversations.

When I watched my friend play Shadow of the Colossus for the first time, I must have already been faintly aware of this phenomenon. The process of finding an appropriate emulator and an appropriate ROM led her through websites already saturated with extratextual content that suggested certain ideas of the game content. She had heard me speak of the game before. She had already listened to much of its music, accompanied on YouTube by comments. Being someone interested in games herself, she had certainly already encountered discussions of the game content like this one. She knew damn well that Agro would fall off that bridge. From all of this it is clear to me that the “extratext” was always inescapable. If she were to encounter the game truly without prior knowledge it would still not have “saved” her because she would just discover the extratext afterwards.

And what of my wife? My poor sweet wife? Just as no dry beach is spared from the tide, she too will be inundated by extratext that will indelibly shape how she receives and interprets the game content. She will not be a source of a “pure” opinion, but only another source of interpretation. She will never play Shadow of the Colossus as it was when it came out in 2005.

The space in consideration is a “consensus blob.” It has no hard boundaries, but it has gradients. Within the blob there are many shades of interpretation, but few overt contradictions except when comparing extremes. The blob is uncentered because there is no single “correct” or most stable interpretation. Areas of the blob give the appearance of a “consensus,” a shared notion or common interpretation, but really the gradient is everywhere and always-changing, like an amoeba. Even the creator of the art object can sway from point to point in the blob, forgetting wherever it was they started. The consensus is heraclitean. The extratext is absolutely inseparable from the text.

Really, we shouldn’t be miffed about it. Shadow of the Colossus can be about a lot of things, it’s not like we need a single definitive analysis. It will be a joy to watch my wife play, and I will be delighted to see what she thinks. I’m sure it will be new and exciting.

Overall, I give Reign Over Me a strong 6/10.

Sources

AstraFuckingGooGoo. “Shadow of the Colossus (PS4)- one of the worst games I’ve ever played.” r/patientgamers. https://www.reddit.com/r/patientgamers/comments/ujnx5q/shadow_of_the_colossus_ps4_one_of_the_worst_games/. Accessed 8 Aug. 2024.

Binder, Mike, dir. 2007. Reign over Me. Screenplay by Mike Binder. Columbia Pictures.

BrunoBRS. “Shadow of the Colossus: a Retrospective View”. Noobfeed. 27 Sep. 2011. https://www.noobfeed.com/features/160/shadow-of-the-colossus-a-retrospective-view

Diefendorff, Keith. “Sony’s Emotionally Charged Chip.” Microprocessor Report, vol. 13, no. 5.

Koop, Brandon. “Shadow of the Colossus: A Retrospective.” The Boss Key, 10 Apr. 2014, https://bradenkoop.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/shadow-of-the-colossus-a-retrospective/.

Lyles, Taylor. “Shadow of the Colossus Retrospective -- A Tragically Beautiful Love Story.” DualShockers, 26 Jan. 2018, https://www.dualshockers.com/shadow-of-the-colossus-retrospective/.

Metacritic. Reign over Me. https://www.metacritic.com/movie/reign-over-me/. Accessed 15 Aug. 2024.

“Nomad Colossus.” Team Ico Wiki, https://teamico.fandom.com/wiki/Nomad_Colossus.  Accessed 8 Aug. 2024.

Peeren, Esther. “Compelling Memory: 9/11 and the Work of Mourning in Mike Binder’s Reign Over Me.” Cultural Critique, vol. 92, no. 1, Dec. 2016, pp. 57–83. DOI.org (Crossref), https://doi.org/10.1353/cul.2016.a617380.

Piquet, Léna, translator. “The Making of ‘Shadow of the Colossus.’” Froyok, Dec. 2007, https://pure.uva.nl/ws/files/2772150/175939_PUBLISHED_Peeren_617380.pdf.

Quest for the Last Big Secret / Mysteries of SotC. PlayStation Community Forums, archived May 2013. http://web.archive.org/web/20130505104658/http://community.us.playstation.com/t5/Shadow-of-the-Colossus-PS2/Quest-for-the-Last-Big-Secret-Mysteries-of-SotC/td-p/20178777

Riga, Mac. “START/SELECT: Consuming Loneliness: A ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ Retrospective.” The Hoya, https://thehoya.com/guide/start-select-consuming-loneliness-a-shadow-of-the-colossus-retrospective/. Accessed 12 Aug. 2024.

Taylor, Jay. “Interview Extra: Fumito Ueda (Ico, Shadow of the Colossus, The Last Guardian).” Cane and Rinse, 27 Aug. 2019, https://caneandrinse.com/fumito-ueda-interview/.

Ueda, Fumito. Interview for CONTINUE Magazine, vol. 25., 2005. Translated by shmuplations, https://shmuplations.com/ueda/. Accessed 13 Aug. 2024.

[theworldvsyoshiko]

Finally, the ship launches.

I love that it lists them in boarding order. Obviously Terror Bird 1 is the most important here. Augustus, of course, is Lewis's pet rhino.

Altogether, it took five years and 12 days for Umeko to make her way off the planet. I think it's safe to say that wherever they end up will be better than this shithole.

The final state of affairs:

First off, research:

There is none.

Throughout the entire trip, they managed to research Pemmican and Noble Attire (for the stupid beret that the religious leader would want, if they'd gotten enough people to need one.) They spent a long time trying to research Microelectronics before I realized that it wasn't going to be finished in time to matter, then switched them to Firefoam. They got about halfway through by the end.

There just isn't a lot of time for research with such a small group of nomads. There are other priorities, like 'sleeping under a roof' and 'not being killed by bandits.'

Umeko Keith

Umeko's pretty overall competent now, at a 6+ in every skill but art, intellectual, and mining. That's pretty damn solid for only five years and considering all the crap she had to deal with. She's old enough to drink now, in some theoretical society where it isn't normal for 13 year olds to have a beer after work. And... still wearing that alpaca leather backpack she made in like her first week.

As a fairly well-augmented cyborg with 19 Shooting, Umeko's actually really good at this. Over the final year or so, she's handled some raids by herself while everyone else slept. If it weren't for her mediocre gear and lack of psychic powers, she'd be a near-Yoshiko-tier combat monster. My little girl's all grown up...

Umeko's crush on Choco has rebounded to full power, so perhaps she'll talk Choco into giving girls a chance some day. Out there. Among the stars. She's still super close with Lewis, too, although they've been too busy to hang out over the past half-year or so, and their relationship has suffered a bit as a result.

Lewis McLaughlin

I've downplayed Lewis's contributions a bit thanks to his horrible childhood education, but he hasn't turned out awful or anything. He's good with guns, animals, research, and plants, and that's not a bad spread. The fact that he's not good at construction or medicine been a bit of an advantage in its own right, because it left him as the one hauling corpses and cleaning while everybody else was dealing with necessities. It's not glamorous work, but it desperately needed to be done.

And I'll be honest, not sure this would have gone well if the group didn't have his trained rhinos to use as bullet sponges. The fact that they managed to save the one he bonded with is a miracle.

Lewis likes everyone! Even Vaov, whom Umeko and Choco are still suspicious of. Lewis is also straight and old enough that he considers them all valid romantic partners, so he's spent a lot of time asking girls out only to get turned down. He'll find somebody some day, I'm sure.

Curca Choco

Choco has practically been the main character for this last segment. I don't know if it's the fact that she has slightly better armor than the others or if she's just been lucky, but either way, she's walked out of almost every fight unharmed, often when everybody else is at risk of bleeding out or outright collapsed on the ground. Shooting/Medical is a good combination for the raid onslaught. Plus, the thing about Psychopath letting her drag corpses around with fewer penalties.

Because of that, though, she's pretty neutral on the others. Her opinion of literally everybody is between -5 and 0... the -5s being for people she had to turn down for dates recently, of course. Like I said before, everyone wants Choco.

Jedtchvozz Vaov

Vaov's by far the newest member, but she's gotten good at stuff in a hurry... partially because Umeko bought a pile of skilltrainers on that last shopping trip. Impid fire breath would usually be a great trump card for hard fights, but since this group never figured out firefoam and was usually living in wooden bases, I was saving it for an emergency.

Vaov likes everyone else decently enough, but only Lewis likes her back. She's crushing on both Umeko and Choco, but it wasn't meant to be.

-------------

The kids leave behind an, uh, interesting

and colorful

base for some future group of scavengers to find.

It's basically move-in ready. 38 kg of leftover pemmican, a bunch of guns, four bedrooms, a rec room that... isn't as good as it used to be, but hardly has any rhino blood now.

Looking back, I like how you can see the cycle of colonies... and the way that the last colony's value constantly climbed, rather more steeply than the others, thanks to the influx of raider loot.

That big dip in the next-to-last colony is when Umeko stepped out to give all of the colony's money and leftover trade goods away. That got them two allies, by the way. You'll notice that it didn't help a fucking bit in the final raids.

[taixuandream]

"kiana speaks of you very highly." in the silence left by the holocaust, fu hua's flames crackle like slow embers. less conflagration and more the flickering dance of red leaves in autumn or the tail of a lone koi, single master of its lake at the onset of winter and thus left without rival——and thus without companion.

she would like to say so many things: " thank you for saving me " ; " you are incredibly reliable " ; " your power is so awe-inspiring ". but all of these, she imagines, have likely followed someone of fu hua's ability as long as she can remember, and have since lost their weight in heart ; she suspects this because she is the same, and praise once hefted like bullion of gold somewhere along the way had thinned out and thinned out, until they resembled more the streamwater that flowed, half-shimmering, through the holes in the pan under idle hands only half paying attention, the riverbed long lost of its luster.

she supposes in times like these, there is very little she can say to make a difference. but nevertheless, she smiles and offers what small words she can. the woman had, after all, kept particular watch over her, sensing early on her deficit in this place and her fear. "it's easy to see why. having a friend in this place must be reassuring. we also don't know how many more trials lie ahead. . . "

the thought alone is nearly enough to make her steelbound poise fracture ; as it is, the brief fall of her gaze to the floor is the only clue——that, and a resounding sigh, delivered as if to overflow: to the audience it seems to ask " the performed ennui of a diva ; or the heart of the tale? "

but the words that come after are frank, delivered without gravitas. "if i'm to be honest, i wish i was more like you." a rueful admission, but not one to dwell on now. she knows her limits and her strengths——which stages are hers to shine on, and which invite the leading light of other stars. "but with things as they are, i must request your protection a while longer."

Intensity never left the nimble frame. Even as rest, over-exaggerated heaving led to an odd rhythm in exertion. Uncanny diamonds meet the actress, head tilting, as if a dog were trying to understand a command. Each exhale leads a subtle smolder, dissipating almost as instantly as it escapes. A grin, betraying innate ferocity. "Kiana and I go back a long time... " mere seconds in the crushing eternity she's lived. "I can't think of many others as reliable as her." Even fewer if counting those still breathing.

Upon the others admission, the gears turn quite visibly. A certain delicacy has fallen between them in such a moment, a fragile masquerade tested just before the finale. If she were to guess, this is familiar territory. While compliments are often sparse, it's ones like that truly hang on. Still, eyes search to find something deeper, to find the reason her heart still beats.

"I think I like you as you are," words are careful, slowly as they come out, searching to not draw from the ensuing message. Invisible chains tug, wanting to profess some special, uniqueness that they all withheld. It didn't matter though. "But I will protect you, just as I have been. As I will with Paimon, and Kiana. However..." heavy is the hand that finds Divinity's shoulder. Such a simple, benign pat, carries the weight of millions; the rage in the sunrise and the ashes raining down.

"You can't give up on me, not when we need you. Stars shine brightest in the darkness." Drawing back, index and middle digits press lightly to Furina's forehead, before turning and taking a step. Fu Hua doesn't look back, though her companion can see the subtle curves of another smile. "And you do have a friend here." Beckoning to come, steps are slow, as if treading the unforeseen ocean of what is to come, or waiting for another to catch up. Heaven only knows that the other two won't wait for them.

[boozye]

do u like the new event!! w satan and diavolo... i was initially like "ugh another event so soon". but its cool that its focused on 2 characters instead of spreading the whole thing out for like 12!!

The screensaver has hit the corner, I HAVE THOUGHTS! But in short, I really like this new format, and hope it continues.

I agree with you, it's good that they are finally focusing on fewer characters, and I especially like that it's 2. Not only did we get more time with each of the 2, we get to see their dynamic as well! To me it's more interesting to see how 2 characters flow together rather than a group. And, I don't know, maybe I'm being forgetful or not far enough into the main story (Lesson 41) yet, but I don't remember we ever got so much SUBSTANCE of Diavolo and Satan's chemistry before. And nothing better than the brothers turning insufferable again to demonstrate.

It is also inteesting to get a little peek at the general feeling towards the brothers at RAD. At least a few of them are popular in a positive way. Beel is the captain of his sports team and presumably would have a few fans at least. Asmo should also be quite famous as an influencer. Yet the HOL pinpoints right away that, of them, it will be Satan and Lucifer who people at RAD feel more grateful towards.

I forget how self serving Beel can also be.

I wonder if it's proof of Diavolo's disconnect from the rest that he didn't figure out this would turn into another free for all. He seems to have a very idealistic image of everyone 🤔 he does step up to try to solve the issues though, becoming a competitor to Satan.

Then... MC becomes the key to win, and I think that's when things get even more interesting!

Two new rules. ☝️

Immediately broken, good job guys.

Anyways, to me the most gratifying interesting part is when Satan gets mad on MC's behalf.

He even turns into his demon form, and his speech changes, becoming more distant and biblical sounding maybe? Don't quote me on that...

Lucifer trusting Diavolo to handle his brother's wrath was also a nice bit of lore.

And I can't post any more images but the way Diavolo handled it peaked my interest. He never talked down to Satan or brought up his own status. He just reasoned with him. Kind of felt like baby talk but maybe that's the only way to reason with Satan when he's so enraged. l

At one point I though maybe the winner and focus of the golden path would depend on who MC says they think will win on the 1st half of the event. That would've been fun. But I liked the real resolution still. As disconnected as Diavolo can be, it seems Satan's outburst really made him see how negatively others could be affected. It was clever to give all of his stars to MC. I don't doubt that he wanted to, but it was also the most peaceful way to resolve the manner, with least likelihood for hard feelings afterwards. Diplomatic, even.

Satan spiraling in his room after his outburst was also a nice reminder that he can really disappoint himself this way.

"I think you are about the only person who worries about me. That being said, your worry is misplaced. Leave me alone."

"No good could possibly come out of being with me."

He's really down in the dumps about it, and I bet a reminder that an outburst could hurt MC crossed his mind.

The rest of this part is just pure fluff, very wholesome very sweet, looking into MC's eyes fills Satan with bliss and seems to wash away his rage, 10/10.

Now, Diavolo's part intrigued me.

This part is kind of hard for me to fully understand. But what I get is; he respects Satan's anger. He probably didn't even think it was wrong to get mad, just that destroying RAD would be counterproductive to his goals and everyone's happiness.

Over all yeah I enjoyed this event! I hope the following ones are just as interesting. This one helped me see Diavolo in a new light and now I appreciate him a little more as a character, since I'm not usually fond of him.

[magic-mouse-blues]

i’m glad to hear that you feel more secure—that seems like nothing but a good thing. though i must defend the tsukasa-kun of my own memory—he was always enthusiastically looking forward, but i would hardly equate that with naïveté. i suppose i’d call you more… pragmatic, rather? a slim difference, i know, but one i feel compelled to make nonetheless. though i can’t well speak for either of you. (i hate to talk about my tsukasa-kun like he’s dead. it’s that same terrible feeling all over again. tsukasa-kun, when i catch you, tsukasa-kun…)

really, i can’t well call it effort on my part. the words flow of their own accord. if anything, the effortful part of it all is trying to keep from saying even more. i can’t help but feel as though you’re one of few that could understand where i’m coming from, as a fellow misplaced soul from a home somewhat adjacent to mine. thus, i can do nothing but blabber on.

leaning on your friends for support seems as good as methods could get, the way i see it. that’s proof that you’re good and loveable in itself, right? i’m glad to know you’ve got a support system you feel comfortable leaning on. and maybe just a teensy bit envious, but that’s neither here nor there… fufu. and i don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an attention seeker, as long as your methods aren’t harmful. who are you, if not the way that you affect other people? that might be an extreme way to look at it, but it’s my viewpoint all the same. i wish you the best of luck in consolidating your memories! if i’m being honest, i have fewer memories to speak of and far more gut feelings. most of my own memories are silly little things—nene having a particular penchant for hard candies, yourself always smelling faintly of spices… such is the life of a mostly canon-compliant individual. (though i must admit, i have found myself returning to questioning a separate canon, along with the one. is it possible to be kin with myself in separate timelines? i’ll have to give it more thought.)

likewise, i hope your memory-searching with regards to your saki-kun goes well for you. i get the impression that your bond was an important one. it would be awfully cruel of the universe not to reunite you two after all that.

in any case, i find it admirable that you’re so confident in yourself. even now, a year in, i still have my own doubts from time to time—though i’ve found that those times tend to be when im feeling particularly attached to a dear friend. more than once, feelings of closeness to my dear nene have had me wondering if i was really her all along, but i’ve come to accept that as a symptom of shared childhoods. uouuiuhhhhggg….nene…… pardon me. yes, identity is always subject to change, though i think there are parts of the self that do remain mostly static throughout such phases. as such, i’d like to think we could continue to get along even if you found yourself leaning into another shift of yours. i’m not very familiar with star rail myself, but this kafka character sounds like quite the interesting individual in her own right~… and it’s quite the honor to be able to call you a canonmate. maybe not of my canon, personally, but i’ve already mentioned the comfort that’s come with speaking with a tsukasa-kun regardless. ^^

just like with his ambition, i find it quite hard to picture a tsukasa-kun who hasn’t got some kind of artistic inclination. he’s just that kind of person, i think. it’s the same with me—i think it has to do with all that we’ve got to express, being the weirdos that we are. art happens to be a convenient vessel for that. acting in my case, too—i’ve had a taste of directing here and there since my last incarnation, but in this life, at least for now, i find myself quite partial to being on stage, if only for the opportunity to see the expressions of the audience once i’ve swayed them with my performance. it truly is a feeling like no other, knowing i’ve made an impact just through doing what comes naturally… fufu. again, i could go on and on. but in short, I Love Theatre.

and please, don’t worry at all—your responses are more than satisfactory, truly. the fact that you take the time to read all that i have to say and then add your two cents makes me so very happy.

you know, i really did intend to keep this ask short. i really, truly did. but as you can tell, it seems to have gotten away from me. i’ll cut it off here if only to ease the burden faced by both of us. know that i’ll be doing my utmost to spread tsukasa-kun-itis to the world! ><

— 🎈

ALRIGHTY! TIME TO COOK!! ☆

Well, from what I remember, He never needed to leaver everything (including his own self) behind for that sweet taste of glory. Though, I wish he didn’t go down the same path I did. And pragmatic? I’ve always considered myself as more of an oddball. Hardly practical, always pursuing to make art with what stage and circus can do. Though… Considering the fact I was rather tactful with some of my words, perhaps. I had a thing for puppeteering people back then! Make them put on spectacular performances to people! I would say my desire for control is, unfortunately, still there. Though, I’m trying to carry out in healthy ways, with the wellbeing of party 2 being considered!

Also, if that is the case, don’t be afraid to ramble, dear Rui-kun! After all, it does show you value my company and you want to talk to me really badly. Like I say, it really makes me happy!! ☆ _(:3 」∠)_

I suppose I really am lucky… Having people out there who truly love ME, despite being millions of miles away. I am still in disbelief till this day. I feel that I don’t deserve it, yet I can’t help but want more? I also do my best to make others happy to deserve this affection, though it never feels enough. Of course, my parents are iffy about it, you know how they are.

Sometimes I get reminded of my past life, whenever that sort of thing happens.

And by all means, I feel it’s okay if you kinsider other kinds of ruis! I happen to be going through the same thing to, perhaps to a lesser extent… At this point I’m probably the embodiment of all Tsukasa Tenma-kind! /hj

(Also ajshsdh spices? I wonder what kind. Methinks cinnamon :3)

Saki. I wonder if she can ever look at me. Hm.

Anywho! Truth be told, ever since I cam to this world, I was naturally confident. I longed to be on stage and perform. Shyness was a learned thing for me. Either that, or perhaps stars don’t belong with the common folk… I always had trouble approaching people to hang out; I’ve been with adults and people older than me for the most part. I’m also kinsidering Gardenia by Malice Mizer! A white wolf prince residing in a dream forest with many flowers. Other than Jesterkasa, my kins have been sad dreamy people fit to be comfort characters…!

Perhaps Rui-kun had begun to wonder what it’d be like to be the actor secretly? That’s nice to think about, honestly, I’m glad you like theater! Truth be told, I’m actually infamously good in my drama club! People LOVE it when I’m the main character~! I hope it’s the same for you too!

As we near the end of my reply. PHEW WOW THAT IS A LOT! But I hope my answer is good… It’d be a SHAME if it wasn’t :(

And yes, go spread tsukasa-kun-itis through the world! Mehehehehe >:3

[the-obiwan-for-me]

Living Ghost

Bo-Katan Week is here!

Day 1: Bo-Katan and Ahsoka

AO3 Link here.

She had felt the news of Ahsoka’s death like a punch to the gut. 

Bo-Katan hadn’t seen or heard from the young woman in a long while, but that wasn’t unusual. For the safety of both of them- Bo, the leader of the guerilla forces fighting for Mandalore’s existence, and Ahsoka, a not-Jedi Jedi- it was best they kept their communications few and their meetings even fewer. 

It was old news for Sabine when she mentioned it, offhandedly around the campfire, though it was clear that the young Mandalorian and her two Jedi still grieved Ahsoka’s death. Bo hadn’t even known Ahsoka had been running around with another Mandalorian or that she had found more Jedi.

Bo felt the news like it was a fresh blow. Like it had just happened, instead of two years earlier. It was just another death in the long line of deaths in Bo’s life. But Ahsoka’s presence in Bo’s life had felt different, despite how little they were able to interact. 

Ahsoka was grounding, calming, wise beyond her years. Bo had been drawn to her, even when they had been enemies instead of allies….friends, even. 

And now she was gone, joining the parade of souls from Bo’s life, crossing into the stars, or the Force, or whatever afterlife there was when it was all over. Maybe, Bo mused, days after the news, sitting alone in one of the few seedy bars still operating in Sundari, nursing some watered down tihaar, maybe Ahsoka would haunt her like Satine haunted her. 

She could only hope to be that lucky.

A hand slapped lightly on the bar beside Bo, a little closer than she was ever comfortable with strangers. She began to turn, planning to scowl menacingly at the interloper. Then she noticed the deep maroon of the nail beds and the tawny skin of the offending hand.

A vambrace, finely crafted, shiny, and familiar, peeked out from underneath a worn cloak.

Bo turned more fully, looking up at the face hidden beneath a cowl.

Clearly, she was being haunted. This had to be a ghost.

“Hi, Bo.”

Bo swallowed. She wanted to scream. She wanted to shout. She wanted to jump up and throw her arms around the young woman. 

“Hi,” she managed in a near inaudible whisper. 

The ghost sat down beside her, got the attention of the bartender, and gestured for a tihaar like Bo’s.

They sat in long silence, the ghost watching Bo as the bartender sat a glass down in front of her. She took a sip, her eyes never leaving Bo’s face. 

Bo finally found her voice, but barely. “You’re dead,” she choked out in a hoarse whisper.

The ghost looked down at herself, patting her body, then looked back up at Bo, giving her a little mischievous crooked grin. “Yeah, I thought I was, too. Strange times.”

Bo found her voice easier. “I was told you died two years ago. Those Jedi, the ones running around with Sabine Wren, said they watched it. Said it was….” She paused, looking around the bar, then leaned in closer to her ghost, keeping her voice low. “They said Vader killed you.”

Her ghost stiffened, closing her eyes for a long beat, then sighed. “It’s….complicated.”

Bo snorted an indignant laugh. “Ahsoka, I am no stranger to death. Death is not complicated.”

“I used to think the same thing,” Ahsoka said before taking a sip from her tihaar, grimacing a little at the burn. She’d never been much of a drinker. She sat the glass back down and turned to face Bo, taking Bo by the shoulder and swiveling her on her stool to face her.

“Look, Bo-Katan, if I told you what I’ve been through, you would never believe m-”

“Try me.”

Ahsoka’s face markings pinched in a frustrated scowl. “Maybe one day. But this isn’t the time.” Her hands fell to rest on Bo’s knees, and she sighed again. “I have work to do. Some promises to keep, but I’m here. Ok? I’m back.”

Bo studied the younger woman, seeing new sadness deep in her eyes. She’d been sad for a long time. Losing everyone and everything you love did that to a person, but this was a new sadness. A new weight. She placed a hand over one of Ahsoka’s, and squeezed it.

“We’re friends, right?” she asked.

Ahsoka nodded, blue eyes meeting Bo’s. 

“Good. Then don’t do that to me again. Don’t disappear. No dying and reappearing. We both have work to do. I get it. But stay in touch. Like really in touch. Let me know you’re alive. That you’re safe. I want to be able to help you if you need it.”

Ahsoka smiled, the expression warming her features, chasing away some of the cool sadness. She turned her hand to be able to grasp Bo’s. Took the other one. “I want to help you, too.”

“Then it’s a deal. We’re going to check in. Be ready to help each other if we need it. Talk if we need it. Right?”

Ahsoka nodded, letting go of Bo. “I can do that.”

“So can I.”

In unspoken unison, they turned back to the bar, elbows touching. Bo waved down the bartender and ordered food for them. Then sipped her drink. “How does one get murdered by Vader, then come back to haunt their friends?”

Ahsoka chuckled. “You thought us Jedi were weird before….”

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

it's not really for any of the handful of things still in my box, but it Is the requisite part 6 of Isengard Got Worse wherein Est Gets A Hug

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

You still haven’t slept.

Whatever was in the strange crystal-blue tincture the alchemist gave you, it’s still working. You had taken the second at Morflak’s angry insistence, and now you sit bound in Grimbold’s camp fit to vibrate out of your skin. 

You try to close your eyes, but however much you wish for sleep, your limbs heavy and even your restless fidgeting graceless and uncoordinated, they only spring back open a heartbeat later.

Maybe there’s something to be said for it, though. Welcome though a long and dreamless night would be, you fear that when sleep finally takes you it will not be peaceful in the least. Isengard, yes, but worse by far that moment in the shallow waters of the Fords- a hand grabbing, everything screaming danger, Lothrandir’s surprise as he fell back. Stars, Lothrandir. Maybe- maybe you could have helped him, if you had only gone to him in time. If you had not first let loose everything that had built itching beneath your skin for days. But you had not, and at your surrender you had been taken prisoner, the binding thing in your chest all but gone. None had been eager to speak with the half-mad magician come out of the Wizard’s Vale, and even fewer would let you touch your runestones again, and you had not had any news until Grimbold at last came and asked for answers.

At least you could give them willingly this time.

Whether they believed anything you said to them or not is a different question entirely, and you can't quite find it in you to care what the answer is. Your heart has still not settled; you can feel every beat of it with strange awareness, thumping in time with the persistent ache in your temples. You wonder if it knows something you do not of what is to come. 

You have heard that people will hallucinate if they go long enough without sleep. You never intended to find out for yourself the truth of it, but when you hear Lothrandir's raised voice beyond the empty tent where you wait, you think you must be. He had- you had-

"Esterín." 

The tent flap opens, and then Lothrandir is in front of you, his brow creased with worry, reaching for your bonds before Grimbold snaps at him to stop. Anger crosses his face, but he only pulls you gently to him. It’s warm and safe and all you can think is please, please can it be real?

“You’re alright.” And if he’s saying it to himself as much as you, you do not care. You can hear his heartbeat, and if it’s unsteady yours has been no better. He is here, and he’s warm like he was even on the shores of the icebay and he’s alive and you did not kill him. Your breath hitches and he pulls you closer, resting his chin on your hunched shoulder. “I will speak with Grimbold again,” he says. His voice is mild, but the strength of his grip gives the lie to any idea of restraint. “We’ll have you out of here and then we can return to the others. They will be so happy to see you again.”

You pull back sharply. “They’re alive?” you demand, desperate and fearful. Lothrandir hesitates.

“Some of them,” he says reluctantly, and your heart cracks a little more. “The Company did not have a good time of it.” You close your eyes against the sting of tears and Lothrandir hugs you tight again. “We’ll get back to them,” he says softly. You think how can I face them again and at the same time I would like nothing more. You gave them up- Saruman asked for their secrets and you gave them. You want to see them more than anything- or at least whoever remains, but what will they say when they see you, when they hear what you did?

“They will understand,” Lothrandir says, but that does not mean they will forgive. And even if they do… the thing that coiled in your ribs has not come undone entirely. You cannot risk being turned against them. Your heart could not bear it. But Lothrandir is firm, and he insists again that you’ll be free, and in weakness and exhaustion you let yourself dream it can be true.

“Alright,” you whisper. You will go home, at least for a little while.