#I think I’ve seen this film before. and I didn���t like the ending

[nowimyurdaisy]

Girlfriend

pairing: tom holland x reader

summary: based off of Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne.

warnings: swearing, panic attack

a/n: this idea just popped into my head and I just sat down and wrote it. There are probably some spelling errors. Not my best work, but I felt like writing angst but there is a fluffy ending cause I couldn't help myself. ☺️

Hey, hey, you, you

I don't like your girlfriend

No way, no way

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I could be your girlfriend

The lyrics of your boyfriend´s ex-girlfriend, sarah's song rang through your ears as you walked around your flat. Tom was out, at the store with harrison getting some food. As the song continued your heart pounded louder and louder.

Hey, hey, you, you

I know that you like me

No way, no way

No, it's not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you

I want to be your girlfriend

By the time the song finished tears were brimming your eyes. You knew that sarah was gorgeous, she had that model body and the voice of an angel not to mention the fact that everyone thought they were the 'it' couple. They broke up almost a year ago and you and tom had only been together for 4 months and he had just asked you to move in, it was fast and unexpected but you happily agreed it just felt right. Of course tom was sort of a package deal, moving in with him also meant moving in with, harrison, harry, and tuawaine. Tomś friends were so supportive of you guys, with you all the way. You quickly paused the song, wiping the small tears that started to form form your eyes, as you heard the front door open and the yammer of the boys talking.

¨Hey babe!¨ tom said as he walked in.

¨Hi, did you get everything i told you to get for dinner?¨ giving tom a a peck on the lips, ¨caus you tend to forget things¨ you tease.

¨We got everything¨ harrison says sighing, rolling his eyes. You stick your tongue out at him. everything was back to normal you almost forgot about the song and puched all remanding bits of it to the back of your brain.

¨Guess what?¨ tom says excitedly, with a dopey smileon his face.

¨What?¨ you guess back, with the same ridiculously dopey smile.

¨I ran into sarah¨ he begins, your eyes widen, ¨yeah i know it has been a while, we are gonna meet for coffee tomorrow, that cool?¨ he asks you. Your smile dropps a tad bit but you replace it with a fake smile quickly.

¨Yeah, totally cool” you reply. You continue to chat with the boys a fake smile pressed on your face as you cooked dinner.

The next couple days after that you avoided tom especially after the next day when he told you all about what such a great time he had with sarah. It felt like he forgot that you were his girlfriend even though he cuddled you and pulled you into his side and pressed a kiss to your lips.

After a few days of you avoiding tom and only seeing him when you went to bed and even then you went to sleep earlier just so you missed tom and dinner, you even got up early for breakfast and a run as soon as tom had got up. After all of this, tom was finally catching on. And he was going to confront you.

He got off from filming early, just so he could catch you. He was sitting on the couch flipping through his phone when the door knob jingled open and you walked in. You looked up and were shocked to see tom sitting on the couch on his phone looking up expectantly at you.

¨Uh, t-tom, wh-what are you doing here?¨ you stuttered out in schock.

¨we need to talk.¨ he said getting up from the couch looking worryingly at you.

You felt your heart pound this is the the conversation you had been dreading the one where he would break up with you for sarah. You knew what he did during the day, you knew that he had been hanging out with sarah more. The lyrics of her song rang through your head,

She's like, so whatever

You can do so much better

I think we should get together now

And that's what everyone's talking about

He guided you to the couch you sat down, he clasped your hands. ¨y/n, why have you been avoiding me?” sstated warrily.

¨what?¨you ask trying to sound shocked, ¨i am not avoiding you.¨ you state.

¨really? He asked, ¨cause i haven't really, no, i haven't seen you around at all recently, only when we go to sleep and even then you are already asleep.¨ he exclaim, get more frustrated by the second.

¨Why would you care?” you huff, ¨your always ot with sarah¨ you add, dramafiing the word sarah.

¨well how would you know, we don't talk anymore¨ he snapped back. You chuckle, of course he would have no idea what is going on, he can be so oblivious sometimes. Tom continued his little rant, ¨one second everything is all happy and we are in love and next minute you are ignoring me. Did you know that this is the first time i've had a real conversation with you in almost a week.”you open your mouth to respond but are cut off again, huffing you settle back down. ¨I mean what the fuck, what the actual fuck y/n!¨

This time when you open your mouth to speak you aren't cut off, surprised you decide to talk. ¨yes thomas i knew that and have you ever thought about what happened the last day we talked?”you question him snarkily. He opened his mouth to speak but this time you cut him off, you were both standing there next the couch yelling at this point. ¨no you haven't have you? Cause there was some big news the day before i stopped talking to you”you point at him. ¨a new song released maybe?”you question already knowing the answer.

There is a moment of silence as tom ponders what the fuck you are talking about then he realises that sarah had just dropped a song that day, you had heard it but ddin really pay attention to it, since it didn really concern him anymore. ¨god, y/n you are so stupid, you know? I mean it was just a song beside its not like it concerns us, i love you and that all that matters”he says moving to take your hand in his but you quickly move them away. Cause as soon as he called you stupid your mind went back to that dreadfull song.

There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in

She´s so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?

Your heart was pounding by now, you stumbled back and started breathing heavily. You could hear tom alling you name as a handin was rubbing your arm and to hands grasped your body, tom´s hands, you thought.

¨Shhh, shh, love listen to me, breath in, and out.¨ tom said soothingly and you were brought back into reality. You had had a panic attack, tom was there but wait, you got up quickly form tom´s lap. ¨love?¨

¨no, no, no”you say, shaking your head. ¨you can't do this to me tom, i, i”you stuttered. He tilts his head in confusion. ¨the song, this, us¨ you motion between the two of you, ¨we shouldn't¨

¨but love¨, he starts and you want to just melt into his touch as he stands up next to you, ¨i love you¨ you just look down. Tom swears his heart just shattered there and then. He looks at you questioningly like why you were doing this.

¨tom,¨you sigh, ¨you should be with someone like sarah, not me, iḿ a nobody¨ you say with a deep breath being careful not to let the tears pile up¨

¨wh-what?¨ tom asks stunned, ¨i don like sarah, she doesn't like me we decided that we should be friends.¨ he states still clearly confused.

¨ha¨ you laugh at this, ¨just friends? Really?¨ he nods, ¨then why the hell on earth did she write a song about you and i?¨ you ask him.

Clearly puzzled he says, ¨she did not write a song about us.¨

¨oh really? Then who is this about?¨ you say grabbing your phone and turning on girlfriend. The song plays and over the course of it you can see tom´s expression changing from confusion to anger to guilt. And when she sings

I can see the way, the way you look at me

And even when you look away, i know you think of me

So come over here and tell me what i wanna hear

Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear

It hits you in the gut. As soon as the song ended tom says, ¨love i am so sorry, i had no idea, and if it helps we won be friends¨ you just nod.

¨that would make me feel better about myself¨ you reply.

¨darling you have nothing to worry about, just remember that i love you just the way you are all you imperfections make you who you are an i love them all.¨

And with that you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him, in a long passionate kiss. As you break away tom mumbles, ¨i love you y/n¨

And you mumble an, ¨i love you too, tom¨ and witht that you reconnect your lips and all your worries wash away like a long forgotten memory.

[sunnymenagerie]

RuPaul's Drag Race: Snatch Game

We’ve reached the ninth week of ‘Drag Race’ and we’ve finally said goodbye to a fifth queen. It was the least unexpected Sashay Away, ever - but it was fucking Snatch Game this week! The week every fan of the show looks forward to and after a Double Shantay and a COVID special...I gotta say, RuPaul doesn’t know a damn thing because one of those that were simply safe should have been doing laps in the winner’s circle, but hey...let’s talk about everything else that went down first.

The mini-challenge took us back to Ru’s roots when he was a fierce punk rocker in a band. The queens had to create makeshift rawk ensembles out of Snag Tights. Which, I’ve seen their ads on Instagram for years, and now I feel like they’re really trying insanely hard to get my attention. Listen Snag, I’m NOT interested, okay? Well, I am. I just can’t afford that luxury at the moment. After Tina Burner won it, we learned that it was Snatch Game week, which let our nine remaining queens to talk to Ru about their…

Did Olivia Lux have a backup planned because...When Ru comes through and is a little hesitant, that’s when you’re going to want to push your love of your first choice out the damn window and pick anyone safe. Chrissy Tiegen is another foodie celeb, one Olivia could have easily pulled off in terms of looks - and is someone Ru would’ve recognized in an instant. Again…

For a couple of weeks I thought Kandy Muse was going to be Spongebob’s BFF Patrick, but she was um...someone else, but really, I thought it was more like when Miss Vanjie basically just came out and was herself; funny but a winner? I knew she’d wind up safe. Alongside her in the safe zone was Tina Burner with an okay Richard Simmons, and...fucking Symone? Okay, let’s talk about this. When I saw she was doing Harriet Tubman, I was nervous but then I remembered that Symone cannot fail an acting challenge. From the moment she was introduced on that panel - I was like - WINNER. Then her runway? She took her time on that runway to say their names and it was a fucking MOMENT. I could not believe she was safe alongside two people who gave okay performances and middle of the road runways. Well, not Tina - that was tragic but not as bad as some that were actually in the bottom. Which, we’ll get to. First, the tops.

Denali’s JVN from ‘Queer Eye’ was one of my favorites but I truly thought her runway was going to put her backstage with Tina and Kandy. She was on par with Symone’s Snatch Game BUT the runways? There was no comparison to be made. However, Denali can be damn proud knowing she killed two of the hardest challenges on the show - two weeks in a row. Rose was someone I figured would be in the top, but safe after I saw her runway. It was pretty (and a personal fav) but not a wow-factor. Speaking of wow....Gottmik. Well, once Symone was safe I knew Gottmik had to be the winner. Her Paris was perfect, and her runway utilized that same adjective. If it’s not her and Symone in the top 2 when this all ends…

That left us with Utica, Olivia Lux, and Elliott with 2 Ts in the bottom. Which, if you didn’ realize that from watching Snatch Game...really? What surprised me was Utica having to lip sync for her life because her runway was fantastic compared to the Yzma from ‘Emperor’s New Groove’ and whatever the hell Elliott was trying to accomplish. If you’re trying to serve flamingo fantasy - have a beak. Even a black lip would’ve sufficed. In the end it was Utica and Elliott, and I think Utica really did a better job, while Elliott didn’t seem to have the same level of fight as she’s had previously.

So Utica lived to see another day but I’m not sure she’ll want to stick around longer after the other queens clocked her for what seems to be a two-faced personality; one on camera and one off. We see her as a sweet, small town queen but according to her season 13 sisters - when they stop filming, Utica can be shady. I think I understood where Utica was coming from in her timid explanation...she doesn’t quite know how to be as jokingly catty with the girls all the time, so sees if she can be when they’re away from the Werk Room to sort of see if hers and their comfort levels with her “shady” side. At least, that’s how I heard it. I could be 100% wrong though.

Anyways, next week the queens are making over...one another. Ugh, fucking COVID and the adjustments that have to be made. I’m wondering though...all the huge challenges have sort of come back to back to back. So...what the fuck is left for these queens to do after this? We shall see…

Fascinating Fascinators Looks Ranked:

Symone: *gasp*

Rose: I’m a sucker for floral

Gottmik: Was refreshing to see her out of latex this week

Utica: Based on just the look - I thought this was super inventive and cute

Denali: Cute but nothing to write home about

Kandy Muse: There’s a reason she was safe

Olivia Lux: Not really sure what it was but it didn’t make me upset like the other two

Tina Burner: If Elliott had done anything with her lips, Tina would’ve been the worst for me this week...seriously, she’s going to lose because of her runways

Elliott with 2 T’s:

Week 9 Rankings & Reasonings:

Symone - I do not care that she was safe. Her Snatch Game took a historical figure that is so well revered and made her current, and hilarious. Also, how was that runway merely safe? I’m sticking with her as my #1.

Gottmik - She is like BenDeLaCreme perfection from All Stars right now and the only way I see her going home before the finale is if she takes herself out.

Rose - Girl is making it to that top 4.

Denali - Two weeks in a row on the rise? Her trajectory is there, but can her runways are still a hit or miss. 

Kandy Muse - For having such a huge personality, I was surprised she played it a bit safe this week. Which, I assume, was a tactic because she knows that Snatch Game is the hardest thing they’ll have to do - and she knew that being safe was just as good as winning. However, this is the second week she’s walked out like a shower loofa.

Utica - The risks she takes don’t always work out but she continues to bring next-level creativity to the stage. Ain’t no repeat looks with her.

Olivia - Wasn’t a fan of anything she did this week but she looked pretty during Snatch Game. So there’s that. This might rock her confidence next week.

Tina Burner -

[teenwolffanclub-me]

Season 1, Episode 2: Second Chance at First Line (Part Two)

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader (eventually)

P.S. Stiles and Scott are really bad at keeping secrets and Jackson is a suspicious asshole.

                                                     -----------------

I stared down at my algebra homework, the numbers blurring together until I couldn’t read them anymore. I blinked a few times in an effort to clear my vision. My head was killing me. I groaned and slammed my pencil down onto the desk in front of me. I’d been working on this for almost an hour now, but I couldn’t quiet my mind. It was already dark outside and I wasn’t even close to being done.

Every time I closed my eyes, gruesome images flashed behind them. Scott and Stiles walking through the forest with shovels, half a body buried in the earth, mangled animals.

I rubbed at my temples and let my head fall down onto the textbook in front of me. As I rested for a moment, I felt myself becoming faint. My eyes fluttered open and black dots floated around my bedroom. I cursed myself for fighting it this long. I knew that always made it worse.

All I could do was whimper as my limbs grew weaker. My eyes rolled back involuntarily and my phone clattered onto the hardwood floor. After that, everything went dark.

I woke to the sound of voices. I was laying on my side, one arm outstretched above my head while the other lay against my stomach. I pried my heavy eyelids open and the whole world tilted. My stomach churned painfully as a wave of nausea crashed over me. It felt like I’d just been hit by a semi-truck. My muscles protested as I forced myself up off the cold ground.

Wait. Cold...ground...

Shit. I was back in the forest. Why did it always have to be the forest? I couldn’t sleepwalk to one of my friends houses or something? My head was no longer pounding, so I knew I was in the place it wanted me to be. Why, though, I had no idea.

“What if he comes back?” It was Scott’s voice that drifted toward me with the wind.

Judging by the volume, he couldn’t be far.

“I have a plan for that.” Stiles responded, sounding slightly out of breath.

I wiggled my fingers as I waited for my body to regain it’s strength. It always took a minute or so after an episode.

“Which is?” Scott was gasping gently too.

Once I felt confident that I wouldn’t face plant, I used a nearby tree to help me get to my feet. I took a few slow steps forward to test myself. Satisfied that I was mostly back to normal, I headed in their direction. Goosebumps erupted on my skin as a soft breeze brushed against me. Once again, I was only wearing a t-shirt and it was freezing out here.

“You run one way, I run the other. Whoever he catches first...too bad.”

I climbed up a small hill and saw Scott and Stiles kneeling before a large hole in the ground. Two shovels lay discarded on the dirt beside them. I swallowed thickly. So, that part of my vision had already happened.

“I hate that plan!”

I didn’t want to waste anymore time. They might think I’m a psycho for sneaking up on them, but I had to find out why they were so hellbent on solving a murder case. I knew my mind wouldn’t let me rest until I figured it out. And I wanted to get home, so I needed to act fast. Within seconds I was standing on the other side of the hole they’d obviously just dug.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” I crossed my arms to maintain some of my body heat as I started shivering.

“Gah!” Stiles jumped aggressively at my voice and fell face first into the hole.

I winced and peered inside to make sure he didn’t hurt himself.

“Y/N? How-how did you find us?” Scott bolted to his feet and looked at me with wide, nervous eyes.

I was honestly surprised he knew my name. I’d been around him plenty of times with Allison, but never really talked to him directly until now.

“That’s...” I hesitated. It wasn’t like I could tell them what actually happened. “Not important. What are you doing?”

“Why are you everywhere?” Stiles popped back up like a whack-o-mole and braced his hands on the dirt edge of the hole.

“What?” I asked dumbly, my own eyes widening.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you spying on us all week.” He wagged a finger at me like a disgruntled father.

My cheeks grew hot under the accusation. I really didn’t want them to think I was some weirdo stalker. I tried to keep the rising defensiveness out of my voice. “It’s not my fault you two talk about halved bodies and animal bites in public.”

“You heard that?” Stiles dropped his hand, his eyes twitching slightly.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “It was kind of hard not to. You really think Derek killed that girl?”

Scott took a step toward me with a hand outstretched. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to intimidate me or reassure me with that gesture. Either way, he looked close to a panic attack.

“Y/N, you can’t be here. You need to go home.” His brown eyes were boring into mine, practically begging me to listen.

I frowned. I did not take orders from anyone but my mother, occasionally. I closed the distance between us with a few long strides.

“Not until I get some answers. I’d like to know if I accepted a ride from a murderer. Why are you two so interested, anyway? And talking about scents and bite marks?”

“Oh, God.” Scott instantly started spiraling. He backed away from me and shoved his hands through his hair. He was muttering something to himself that I couldn’t make out.

“Uh...guys.” Stiles’ shaky voice fluttered up from the hole he was still standing in. I moved my attention from Scott’s freak out to see what he wanted.

I looked inside and let out a loud shriek at the sight before me. One lifeless eye stared up toward the sky, attached to the upper body of a wolf. A very much dead wolf. That was cut in half. Bile rose up my throat and I gagged, staggering away from it.

Stiles pulled himself out of the hole and Scott ran to my other side.

“What the hell is that?” He yelled, still freaking out but probably because of the corpse in front of us now.

“It’s a wolf.” I deadpanned, still staring at it. I couldn’t take my eyes away from the gruesome sight.

“Yeah, we can see that.” Stiles sent a glare my way and leaned over me to look at Scott. “I thought you said you smelled blood. Like human blood.”

Did he just say...?

Scott took a deep breath to calm himself down. “I told you something was different.”

I looked back and forth between them, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

“It doesn’t make sense.” Stiles threw a hand up in frustration.

“We gotta get out of here.” Scott just shook his head and picked up one of the shovels from the ground.

“Yeah. Okay. Help me cover it up.” Stiles grabbed the other shovel and was about to stick it into the loose dirt when something caught his eye.

My heart started pounding with uncertainty. What if it was Derek coming back? If he saw us on his property and he actually was a murderer, I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to add three more bodies to this grave.

“What’s wrong?” I breathed, unable to wait any longer for him to tell us what he was seeing.

“You see that flower?” He pointed somewhere in front of us.

True to his word, there was a single flower sticking up from the ground a few feet away. There were a few small green leaves at its base, and light purple pedals that formed an almost perfect cylinder at the top.

“What about it?” Scott sounded annoyed that he was stalling the clean up process.

“I think it’s wolfsbane.” Stiles was still staring at the flower with wide eyes.

Wolfsbane? Like the plant from werewolf mythology? There was no way that could be a real thing.

“What’s that?” I let out a sigh of relief when Scott asked the question, glad I wasn’t the only one confused right now.

Stiles’ brows rose and his lips parted in scrutiny as he gave Scott a long look. “Haven’t you ever seen The Wolfman? Lon Chaney Jr? Claude Rains?”

He shook his head. Stiles’ eyes snapped to mine. “The original classic werewolf movie?”

“Of course I’ve seen it.” I admitted. I’d always loved old films, and I actually had to watch that one for a class at one of my old schools.

Stiles sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment before turning his attention back to Scott. “You’re so unprepared for this.”

My mind was racing with questions. The way they were talking...it was as if something else was going on with all of this. Something other than human. I’d already heard Scott talking about smelling and hearing things he shouldn’t be able to...

Was he...?

Stiles plucked the flower from the ground, a big clump of dirt coming with it. That’s not all that emerged from the ground, though. A piece of rope was seemingly attached to the roots. He looked back at us in question and both Scott and I shrugged.

He pulled on the rope and followed along the path it was creating in the dirt. It became clear almost instantly that it had been buried all the way around the grave, in a huge spiral. Stiles continued walking until the entire length of rope was wrapped around his hands. I heard a soft gasp from beside me and watched as Scott stood to his feet slowly.

“Stiles.” He muttered, staring right into the grave with a horrified glint in his eyes.

I looked down and yelped, nearly shitting myself at the transformation that had happened. The severed upper body of a woman was now lying where the wolf had just been. Stiles joined us quickly.

“Oh, whoa.” He stumbled back at the sight.

The three of us stared down into the hole in stunned silence for a few long moments. I took a step backward to put some distance between myself and the body. This was all too much. What I just witnessed is not possible. It shouldn’t be possible. But it had happened right before my eyes. Wolves don’t just turn into people.

I wrapped my arms around myself tighter, feeling my entire body start to tremble. I didn’t know whether it was from the cold or the events of the last few minutes.

“Y/N?” Stiles suddenly called out as he noticed that I was retreating.

At this point, I wasn’t sure if either of the boys in front of me were entirely human. There had to be some kind of supernatural shit going on here, and I wanted no part of it. I just moved. I couldn’t let us be forced out of another town already.

“I—I’m gonna...I have to...” My teeth were chattering now and my words kept getting all jumbled up. 

“We can explain.” Scott went back to having a major freak out. “All of it.” 

I didn’t really want him to, to be honest. I’d seen enough to know that I didn’t want to be involved anymore. I just hoped my mind would be satisfied at this point and not force my hand again. I couldn’t help it if I just kept showing up places, but at least while conscious, I would be keeping my distance from now on. 

My shoulders tensed as I felt something heavy wrap around me. I’d been so lost in thought that I hadn’t even noticed Stiles walking toward me and offering his jacket. My muscles instantly relaxed under the comforting warmth and I sighed tiredly. Even if I wanted to get away from them, I wasn’t about to turn away a coat right now. 

And, God, it smelled good. 

I sent him a small, grateful smile and his eyes flickered around my face quickly as if checking for signs of insanity. 

“I’ll drive you home.” I sighed in relief that he’d somehow read my mind and nodded. My shaky hands pulled his jacket tighter around my torso as I followed the two of them toward a trailhead. 

I chewed on my lip nervously as I sat in the back of Stiles’ blue Jeep. He and Scott had been throwing ideas around about wolfsbane and it’s uses since we pulled out of Beacon Hills Preserve, but I hadn’t said a word. I was still trying to process everything I just saw while coming up with a plan to avoid these two for the rest of my life. 

“Maybe it’s a special skill, like something you have to learn.” My attention snapped back to the front of the car with Stiles’ words and I realized I had no idea what they were talking about. 

“I’ll put it on my to-do list. I already need to figure out how the hell I’m playing this game tonight.” Scott barked back, seeming a little breathless. I leaned forward a bit and watched as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. 

“Maybe it’s different for girl werewol...” Stiles let his last word trail off. His head jutted forward and he rolled his lips inward as he visibly cringed. 

A heavy silence filled the car. His eyes fluttered and snapped to mine in the rear view mirror. My jaw was slack as I stared right back. Did he just...was he going to...

“Stiles, finish that thought.” My voice was barely above a whisper. I tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach as I said his name aloud for the first time. 

He hesitated, chewing on his lips in thought. He looked between Scott and I. Back and forth. I saw Scott shake his head minutely and clenched my jaw shut. If they didn’t tell me what the hell was going on soon, I couldn’t be held accountable for my irresponsible actions. Like jumping out of a moving vehicle. 

“I...I was going to say...” I started taking off his jacket as he tried to think of a believable lie. 

Yeah, I was done. The second we slowed down enough I would be removing myself from this situation and never speaking to them again. 

“Stop that!” Scott suddenly yelled and gripped his hair, so I froze with one arm free. 

“Stop what?” Stiles’ fingers tensed on the steering wheel as his head snapped to the right. 

“Talking!” He was breathing heavily now and clutching his hands into fists. I pressed my back into the seat behind me, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. 

“Are you okay?” Dumb question, Stiles. He was clearly very much not okay. 

He began hyperventilating and pulling at his seatbelt. “No! No, I’m not okay! I am so far from being okay!”

Good God. I’m going to die. 

“You know, you’re going to have to accept this, Scott. Sooner or later.” Stiles’ spoke with that parental tone again and all I could think was that this was so not the time for a lecture. 

“I can’t!” Scott’s voice was thicker now, more guttural. I pushed myself against the door to my left and gripped the handle. 

“Well you’re gonna have to!” Stiles was yelling now too, only making the situation worse. 

“No, I can’t breathe.” Scott slammed one of his hands into the roof of the Jeep with a loud groan and I yelped in surprise. I covered my mouth and froze in fear. My heart was racing in my chest. He was really freaking out, to the point of potential violence. A small car was not the place to be with someone like that.

Suddenly, jumping out seemed like a really good idea. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Stiles swerved to the left and I lost my hold on the door handle. My shoulder slammed into the plush cushion beside me and the seatbelt dug painfully into my hips. 

“Pull over.” Scott demanded, breathing heavily. He hunched over and groaned again. 

“Why? What’s happening?” Stiles was watching him carefully instead of focusing on the road. 

“Oh my God, Stiles! Just do it!” I shrieked, wanting nothing more than to get away from them both. 

Just then, Scott peered into the duffle bag resting on the center console between them and...growled? 

“You kept it?!” His voice was deeper than I had ever heard it and raw with emotion. Anger, mostly. But there were traces of anxiety and fear too. 

“What was I supposed to do with it?” Stiles’ voice cracked with panic as he continued to race on down the road. 

Scott moaned loudly. It sounded like he was in agony. He lowered his head to his chest before snapping it back up quickly. I gasped in shock and scrambled as far backward as I could at the sight of his face. Here eyes were no longer their normal brown, but now looked more like fireflies as they glowed a bright yellow. His canines elongated into pointy spikes. 

“Stop the car!” The metal cage around us shook with his intense scream. 

All I could do was stare at him with wide eyes as Stiles’ skidded to a violent stop in the middle of the road. Thankfully, no one was coming at the moment. He immediately jumped out of the driver’s seat, taking the duffle bag with him. He chucked it over a nearby hill as hard as he could, and it disappeared instantly between the trees. 

“Okay, we’re good.” He called before walking back to the car. 

I hesitantly let my eyes trail back to the passenger seat. I had no idea what I would see sitting there. Would it be Scott? Or some kind of monster?

“Oh, no...” Stiles muttered, noticing at the same time as me that he was gone. 

I tried to catch my breath as I unbuckled myself and fell out of the Jeep. At once, I was both relieved that he was gone and worried about him. The chilly night air helped shock me back into reality. That really just happened. 

“Werewolf.” I whispered, breathless. My eyes met Stiles’, which were practically bulging out of his head at my declaration. “You were going to say werewolf.” 

                                                 ------------------

I watched a cloud of condensed air gather in front of my lips as I exhaled and shoved my hands into the pockets of my coat. It was way colder than I’d expected. Part of me wished I’d taken Allison’s advice and worn a scarf. 

“What do you think she’s saying to him?” She asked from beside me, watching Lydia invade Scott’s personal space on the field. 

I had no idea, and I didn't really care. I had so many other things to worry about. Like the fact that he’s a fucking werewolf and we just discovered half of a dead body on Derek Hale’s property a couple hours ago. 

I just shook my head. “I don’t know, probably bribing him to pass to Jackson.”

After losing Scott, Stiles drove me the rest of the way home. He’d practically threatened me when informing me that I couldn’t tell a single soul what happened tonight. I caught him looking up at me from the bench and swallowed nervously. I really wanted to tell Allison. She was practically dating him, for God’s sake. She deserved to know.

I still had no idea where Scott had gone. Either way, he was here at the lacrosse team’s first game. Something in my gut told me that he shouldn’t be here. That it was a terrible idea and bad things were going to happen. 

Lydia joined us in the stands, looking smug. Allison asked her what she’d been talking to Scott about, and she played coy. I kept my eyes trained forward. I just had such a bad feeling. 

The game started out slow for Beacon Hills. We were currently behind a few points, and time was almost up. I noticed that Scott and Jackson kept ramming into each other and intentionally keeping the ball out of the other’s hands. It probably had something to do with the way Jackson had threatened Scott about his alleged drug use in the hallway.

Suddenly, Scott got good. Really good. He was catching the ball left and right, and making every goal. The stands were erupting in cheers at each successful goal he made, but I was watching him closely. He seemed agitated. He was breathing heavily and hunching over every few seconds. I glanced down at Stiles and saw that he was chewing on one of his gloves nervously. 

“That’s it, Jackson! Get fired up!” The coach yelled excitedly from the sidelines. 

“Here, help me with this.” Lydia pulled a sign out of seemingly nowhere and grabbed mine and Allison’s hands.

I stood up and peered around to see what it said. In big bubble letters it read, “We Luv U Jackson!”

As if sensing it, Scott’s head snapped in our direction. Stiles whipped around and cringed before turning back to the field. I watched Scott’s shoulders heave as he took long, labored breaths. He was about to shift, I could feel it. Any minute now, the entire school would know that he’s a werewolf.

He caught a pass and practically jumped over another players shoulders. My lips parted in surprise. That was actually kind of badass. He weaved past every player that tried getting in his way and somehow scared them enough to start passing directly to him. 

Then, he threw a ball so hard that it broke through our opponents goalie net. 

The crowd exploded with pride, but I was frozen. That is not good. There was no way a normal person would be able to do something like that. He was going to get himself caught. 

Time was running out. There were only six seconds left on the clock. Scott managed to score the winning goal and everyone, including Stiles, cheered happily. I watched as Scott threw one of his gloves off and gasped at the sight of brown claws at the tips of his fingers. The people around me started ambushing to field to celebrate. I quickly lost sight of Allison and Lydia. 

I managed to see Scott bolting toward the locker rooms through the dense crowd. Stiles seemed to notice too and went chasing after him. I wanted to help, but I knew I couldn’t just run into the boy’s locker room. I would have to trust that they could handle it. 

I turned to walk down to the field, but stopped when I caught sight of Jackson holding Scott’s discarded glove. My eyes widened as I watched him inspect it. He was paying close attention to the ends of each finger, where claws had poked through. He looked around, probably trying to find Scott. 

This is so, so not good.

Episode 2, Part One      Episode 3

[laceymorganwrites]

Exile

Word count: 1,135

Pairing: former Kenma x reader

Warnings: swearing maybe, a bunch of heartbreak, yelling

Song: Exile - Taylor Swift, Bon Iver

A/N: I´ve had this idea for so long now, I finally got my ass up to write it.

Taglist: @babythotshq (send in an ask to be added to my general taglist or to my fandom specific ones, you can also ask to be tagged in works for a certain character)

I can see you standin', honey With his arms around your body Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

Kenma didn´t expect to see you so soon after your break up. Well, it´s been months, but still, the wound was more than fresh for him. He thought too much whether or not he should approach you, but as soon as he saw another pair of arms wrap around you, his heart sunk.

So you had already moved on…

On the one hand he wished he could too, but then again, he would never be able to forget you, stop loving you even less.

His eyes went wide at the sound of your laughter, he never thought he´d hear it again, it was one of his favorite sounds in the world and he regretted nothing more than telling you to shut up because he couldn´t concentrate.

He should´ve made you laugh more. I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

Kenma knew it was a mistake to get into a relationship with you. And yet he couldn´t stop himself.

Why should he? He loved you after all.

Or so he thought.

He never questioned anything, that was why it didn´t work out. Kenma took everything about you for granted and never once reflected on himself.

Now he knew what a big mistake that was, but then he had more important things to do.

Oh how he hated himself for thinking that way.

But now everything was too late. He let you go just like that and didn´t even watch you walk out.

Regret was all he felt and yet he didn´t have the guts to do anything about it. All he did was think, about how badly he fucked up, about how you were much happier now, about how he wanted to be the one to make you happy. Hoo, hoo-ooh Hoo, hoo-ooh Hoo, hoo-ooh I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury

You were too busy laughing at the joke of your boyfriend to notice Kenma staring at you. Well he never was one to stand out in the crowd.

And yet when you looked at your boyfriend, your smile still adamant and your eyes bright, you caught a glimpse of him and everything around you went dark.

It felt like gravity was pulling you to the ground, punching you in the face and kicking your guts at the same time.

Kenma still had that uncaring look on his face, it was something you grew to hate over time, something that always frustrated you so much.

You were still mad at him for letting you walk out like that, no, you were mad at yourself for not being more persistent.

But then again, you were doing your best. Your best to be there for him, to spend time with him.

And every one of your attempts was blocked by him, belittled and he would always roll his eyes at you, telling you not to overreact like that.

But with someone who didn´t react at all, that was the natural reaction. I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door

Everything came back to you all at once, the way he was always so distant, so annoyed with you, the way he yelled at you that day…

But it wasn´t all his fault.

You shouldn´t have been that clingy, you should have supported him. With Kenma, you never were sure what you were going to get.

Some days he was really cuddly and affectionate and wanted to spend a lot of time with you, but even more days he was distant and didn´t want you anywhere close to him.

On those days you felt more than unwanted, like a bother and nuisance.

So step right out There is no amount Of cryin' I can do for you

Kenma never meant to push you away like that, you were his first relationship, he didn´t know what to do and was too ashamed to ask.

He wanted to be perfect and every time he wasn´t, he got so frustrated and mad at himself.

Never did he mean to take his anger out on you, never did he mean to close up the way he did.

But he couldn´t change time. And the worst thing was that he couldn´t even make it better.

It wasn´t his place anymore, you´ve already found someone to mend your broken heart. All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

You fought for him until the very last second. Every time he closed the door on you, you kept knocking and brought him water and food. You always made sure to take care of him even though he didn´t want to see you.

Whenever he was having those bad days of doubt and sadness, you were always there, waiting for him to open up and tell you what was wrong.

He never did.

Communication has always been your biggest problem.

Kenma overall didn´t talk and you just stopped trying at some point.

You never should´ve given up on you. Maybe all of this could´ve been resolved if Kenma told you what he wanted, lacked, needed.

All this time I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) So many signs So many signs (You didn't even see the signs) Kenma decided to go home instead of staring at you and your boyfriend any longer. It was no use anyway.

He could never make up for the way he treated you, he didn´t have the right to.

Neither did he have the right to intrude in your new love and happiness.

If only he noticed the longing look you had on your face when he walked away the same way you once did, without saying a single word.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Movie 12: Fusion Reborn (6/6)

One of the criticisms I’ve seen about this movie (From Team Four Star, because they seem to be the only ones still sleeping on how cool Movie 12 is), is that the Veku vs. Janemba part takes up too much of the film.   I find this absurd for a couple of reasons.

First, it illustrates the immense risk involved with the Fusion Technique.  If you screw it up, you may end up worse off than when you started.   As far as I can tell, Veku has greater power and stamina than Fat Gotenks, and he lasted a lot longer against Janemba than Goku or Vegeta did individually, but he’s still in deep trouble, and things could have gone even worse depending on how badly our heroes botched the pose.   

I think the presumption here is that Goku and Vegeta should have pulled it off on their first try, allowing time for an epic fifteen-minute brawl with Janemba to close the movie.    But that’s not how Fusion works in this franchise.    It’s a high-risk/high-reward manuever.   If you get it wrong, it’s a disaster, but if it works, you can overwhelm an opponent in minutes, if not seconds. 

The second objection I have is that every gorram one of these movies wastes a bunch of time on goofy stuff.   Movies 3 blows like a third of its runtime on a camping trip that has nothing to do with Turles or anything else.   And then Movie 5 goes on another camping trip,because I guess they still had camping stuff they hadn’t used the first time around.   Movies 1 and 2 had friggin’ musical interludes.  

The only exception I can think of is “Mystical Adventure”, which has a frantic pace very similar to “Fusion Reborn”, but I feel like that whole part set in Penguin Village was kind of a weird diversion, even if it did function as the climactic battle of the movie.      The point is that even if Veku was a big waste of storytelling time, it’s well inside the bounds for these movies.  And it’s not a waste of time, because this is part of the effort to master fusion.  

Anyway, when we last left Veku, he had fled Janemba to hide in what’s left of the Needle Mountain in Hell.  But now Janemba’s tracked him down.    To attack him, Big J uses a spike from the mountain and somehow transforms it with his weird powers, making it extend towards Veku like a spear.

It’s kind of hard to get this across with just screencaps, but you can tell by the look on Veku’s face that he’s in deep trouble. 

But then at the last possible instant, Veku’s fusion expires, and he splits into Goku and Vegeta, avoiding the impact.   

Janemba is shocked.      Maybe he didn’t realize Veku was his previous two opponents fused together?   Before he can figure this out, Goku and Geets sucker punch him and fly away,

I don’t know how smart Janemba is supposed to be, but by now he’s probably figured out that Goku and Vegeta are trying to combine together to keep fighting him.

As they run away, Vegeta is livid.   He didn;t like the idea of fusing with Goku in the first place, and that was when he thought it might actually work.  Then he goes through with it, and it ends up making them weaker.

Then King Kai contacts Goku telepathically, and explains how Vegeta screwed up the last part of the pose by not extending his fingers.   Goku’s all smiles, because now that they know what went wrong, they just need to try it again and it’ll work perfectly.

But Vegeta’s outraged that he would even suggest doing all of that a second time.   Bad enough that he had to do it once, and it nearly got them killed.  Well, they’re already dead, but you know what I mean.  Don’t you?   Look, Janemba’s not trying to tickle these two, that’s all that matters.

But they have to do it again, because this is still their only hope of winning.   They just need to get the pose right this time, because now there’s no margin of error.   

Trouble is, Janemba’s onto them now, and they can’t do the fusion dance because he keeps shooting ki blasts at them.   WIthout the element of surprise, or a decent place to hide, they won’t have time to fuse, properly or otherwise.

But then...!

Fuck yeah, Pikkon’s here!   I guess he sensed all the trouble they were having, or maybe the Kais asked him to run interference for Goku and Vegeta.  Yeah, that must be it, since he already knows what Goku is trying to do.

So Goku’s all grateful to Pikkon, and he thanks him as they move to a safe distance.

And I love this dirty look Vegeta gives Pikkon before he leaves.  “Look, I don’t know who you are, but you stay away from my rival, thot.”

So now it’s Pikkon vs. Janemba, and you’d think he’s screwed, right?  I mean, he got clobbered by Janemba’s first form earlier in the movie, so what good can he do against this red version?

Ah, but Pikkon knows exactly how to keep this guy off-balance, because he’s been dealing with Janemba’s barrier all this time, and so...

I’m pretty sure “mental defective” isn’t quite what Pikkon called him in Japanese, but verbal abuse is verbal abuse, and it works!  Janemba’s skin cracks up just like that barrier did.

I’m not quite sure what to make of this image.   Is this just shadow, or is the idea that Janemba is hollow on the inside, like a Faberge Egg?   I like that idea, even if it’s not what they had in mind.  Janemba’s made of the spiritual waste of a buttload of wicked souls.  For all his power, he’s just a shell of a person.   Maybe that’s why he’s vulnerable to harsh words.  He can’t stand being called out for what he is.

Then Pikkon shoots ki blasts at him, and I don’t understand that at all, because that didn’t do anything to the barrier, so why even try it on Janemba himself?  The insults were working, buddy.    Just call him a tiny-handed idiot and tell him his red trucker hat makes him look like an even bigger jackass than that stupid combover on his scalp.  Tell him that he’ll go down in history as a total joke, and he’ll rank among world leaders somewhere between the Roman Emperor who married his horse and the other Roman Emperor who clubbed amputees to death while pretending to be a gladiator.   Sorry, I got distracted there for a minute.

But Pikkon doesn’t do any of that, and I guess his harsh words are only effective enough to surprise Janemba, and maybe only hurt him a little bit.   Like the barrier around Yemma, Janemba seems able to withstand it to some degree, so he does the disassemble-y relocation trick, reappears behind Pikkon...

And boxes his ears!  Owwwwwww!  

But meanwhile! 

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW?

Janemba would probably finish Pikkon off right here, except he’s seen that blinding light before, which means....

.... This thing!   What is it?  What does it mean?   I dunno! 

But then we see this badass mofo right here.    Who be bad now, Janemba?   WHO BE BAD NOW?

Pikkon looks over and sees that the fusion worked, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he passes out.  

So they did it.    Vegeta didn’t want to do this, but it worked.   Now he can defeat Janemba, but as part of Gogeta, not as himself.   There’s something kind of bittersweet about this, because there were no options for Vegeta to retain himself in this.  In death, he was doomed to lose his identity as a disembodied soul.   Restored as he was by Janemba’s tampering, he was too weak to fight Janemba on his own, which was the only thing that would have given his temporary resurrection any meaning.   He could have run away, or even helped Janemba to preserve his own existence, but doing that would betray his principles, and that would erase his identity too. 

The Saiyans are extinct.   Goku and Vegeta were the only ones left, and they’re both dead in this movie.   They’ve been dead for a while now, as far as I can tell.  But what they stood for, their ferocious martial skill and their boundless courage, will live on.   That’s what this is about for Vegeta.  He’s already gone, but he can at least see to it that someone can rise up to defeat a monster like Janemba.   If that warrior doesn’t exist, then he can at least fuse with Goku and create him. 

And when this is over, that’ll be it for Vegeta.     He’ll go back to hell, and eventually be reincarnated as a dolphin or something.    Eventually, even the legacy of Vegeta will fade from living memory, and no one will remember who and what he once was.   This moment can stand as a coda to his fleeting time in the universe.    Z stands for the end.  

But not yet.    Not yet.

Somehow, Goten and Trunks can sense their dead father’s fusion and it inspires them to do their own fusion.  I’m not sure why they didn’t just do this in the first place.  Given the crisis on Earth, maybe they didn’t want to risk using fusion early, in case they might be too tired to do it later.  

I also don’t understand why the boys need to go to these lengths to beat Hitler and his army of zombie Nazis, but they did it anyway.  Well now you got Gotenks, dummy.   Shoulda just stayed in the bunker.

Gogeta only gets a few lines in this movie.  Really, he doesn’t get a whole lot to say anywhere, because he has so few appearances.   This is his debut, of course, and then Toei brought him back for the fuck-finish of Dragon Ball GT.   Then he came back in 2018′s Dragon Ball Super: Broly, where he got a lot more time to shine, but it was after a 21-year drought.

Anyway, Janemba seems to know this is serious business, because he takes one look at Gogeta and powers up.

So other than promising to avenge Pikkon, all Gogeta has to say in the original script is this: I am neither Goku nor Vegeta!  I am the one who will destroy you!”  That’s how it was worded in Budokai 3, anyway.  

In the dub, Gogeta’s lines are a little different.   First he says “I am not Goku or Vegeta! I am Gogeta!   It’s over, Janemba. I’ve come for you!”   Then he says in this shot: “Every force you create has an echo.   Your own bad energy will be your undoing.”

I dunno, the lines are memorable enough that I managed to quote them without looking, but I would have preferred they stuck to the Japanese script more, mostly because Schemmel and Sabat sounded so cool playing Gogeta in Budokai 3.  That was the problem I had with the later Funimation dubs.   By 2004 I was playing video games that covered movies and GT episodes I hadn’t seen yet, and when Funi! finally adapted those scenes, they never seemed to hold up to the video game performances.  

In any event, I feel like there was a push at Funi! to have Gogeta a) identify himself for the audience, and b) provide some sort of explanation for what was about to happen next.   I’m not sure this was necessary.    Does it really matter if Gogeta says his own name?  Lobot was never identified in Empire Strikes Back, but I still know who he is.   As for the rest...

Well, these streaks of light jump from Gogeta and hit Janemba in the chest, leaving craters in his body.   At the same time, Gogeta slides forward, moving behind Janemba.

Then he just turns around and drives his knee into the back of his neck, twice.  Janemba manages to turn around, but he just eats a kick to the face for his trouble.

Then he raises his hand, and turns around to stare at Janemba, who doesn’t get it until...

Gogeta makes a glowy, sparkly ball with his hand.   Actually, Janemba seemed to sense this before it happened, so I guess he has some idea what’s going on here.

Now maybe this is some variation of the Spirit Bomb, perhaps combined with some technique of Vegeta’s.    All I know is that this ki ball shrinks and disappears, and then Gogeta closes his empty fist.    But there’s light coming out of the fist, so yeah. 

Anyway, it scares the hell out of Janemba, so he knows something’s up.

So he charges Gogeta, who throws his attack, but it just looks like harmless sparkles, and Janemba doesn’t even slow down once it hits him.

But you can see how nettled Janemba is.   He’s clearly afraid of Gogeta, for one reason or another.

When he closes the distance, he throws a punch, and it looks like it connects.    Gogeta doesn’t block it, and he doesn’t flinch.   Dude doesn’t even move. 

And for a moment, it looks like Janemba’s doing okay, and then he suddenly looks shocked, and his whole body begins to sparkle.

Then his back explodes.   Ouch.

In the games, this movie is called the Stardust Breaker, which I never totally understood until now.    The glowing orb always distracted me from the fact that the attack itself looks like stardust, and stardust explodes out of Janemba’s wound, and Janemba himself seems to dissolve into stardust.   The breaker part speaks for itself, though.

This shot confuses me, because it makes it look like Janemba’s fist never actually made contact with Gogeta’s face, although the previous screencap suggests otherwise.  Maybe Big J took a step backward after the attack got to him.   In any case, Gogeta ain’t hurt, and Janemba’s body is disintigrating.

All he can do is scream as he fades away.  

And Gogeta just watched like he knows exactly what’s going on.  

And then the Tank Clerk reappears.   Did Gogeta plan all of this, or is it just a lucky break?

Anyway, the Tank Clerk takes one look at Gogeta and runs in terror.   We can see from the scenery that things are already returning to normal.   All those jellybean things are gone.

And Gogeta seems amused by the Tank Clerk’s panic. The kid has no idea what just happened, and maybe that’s for the best.   So it’s a weird fight, and very short, but I think that’s what makes it so captivating.   We didn’t need a long martial arts clinic to put Janemba away.  The whole idea of this movie is that Janemba is this anomaly in creation, and that it would take something more than just a powerful warrior to beat him.   If punching were enough, Goku could have handled this on his own. 

This is why I’ve never been a big fan of Gogeta vs. Broly as a scenario, because no matter how strong Broly is, he’s still one Saiyan, so having Goku and Vegeta combine into this otherworldly character to beat one Saiyan kind of cheapens the concept.    It should be reserved for villains like Janemba, Omega Shenron, and Majin Buu, who demonstrate bizarre powers that defy reality. 

This is also why I’m not crazy about the dub’s effort to explain the Gogeta/Janemba fight.   It sort of defies explanation.  What makes Gogeta look so awesome here is that he not only beat Janemba in a few seconds, but he seemed to know exactly what he was doing the entire time.  It’s like his fused mind could sense exactly where and how to strike.   Why did he bother kicking Janemba in the neck?   Was that somehow part of his offensive, or was he just getting his measure?   We’ll never know.    That’s what makes it so cool.  Gogeta’s a man of mystery.   In thirty minutes, he won’t even exist anymore.

I think a lot of Gogeta’s mystique was calculated as a response to Gotenks.  When Goku first spoke of Fusion in the main story, he seemed confident that if he could fuse with Gohan or Vegeta, they would beat Majin Buu easily.  But that would be a fusion of adult Super Saiyans.   Gotenks is a kid, and the results haven’t been as great.   So this movie sort of shows what Goku originally had in mind.   With greater experience, Gotenks could eventually reach the same heights...

But as a kid, he’s limited to bizarre techniques based on whatever he thinks is cool.    Which is why he’s doing the Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack again, only this time with 100 ghosts instead of one or ten.

And it works.  The ghosts blow up all the bad guys, but it’s only a hint of the incredible things Gogeta is capable of. 

Thirty minutes later, the fusion expires, and hell looks like it’s back to normal, right down to the bloody pond.   Vegeta smiles at Goku and tells him he never wants to do that again, but somehow you can tell he doesn’t quite mean that.   It reminds me of his farewell to Future Trunks in Dragon Ball Super, where he says he never wants to see him again.   It’s not that he hates the guy, it’s more that he wants Trunks to become strong enough to handle his own problems without having to use the time machine to get help.    Likewise, in this movie, the only way Vegeta could ever return to fuse with Goku is if another Janemba popped up, and he doesn’t want that to happen.

Goku says he’ll see Vegeta “later”.   I don’t know if that’s supposed to be ironic or if Goku’s just not thinking, or maybe he’s got some faint hope that Vegeta will return somehow and Goku will meet him again somehow, some way.

Anyway, Vegeta fades out, which is kind of sad, but the smile on his face is a nice consolation.

And all the dead people on Earth fade out the same way.    So that takes care of that.

King Yemma’s back in business, and all is right with the universe once again.

Videl and the boys head back after a long day of punching the undead.   They don’t know what happened or why, but at least it’s over.   But Goten and Trunks claim to know who saved the day.   I guess they figure their fathers fixed things in Otherworld, since they could sense them fusing.

But they won’t tell, I guess just to mess with Gohan and Videl.   So why couldn’t Gohan sense Gogeta’s ki if Goten and Trunks could?   Oh, right, he was making out with Videl the whole time.  

Anyway, Gohan chases the boys, anxious to learn their secret, and Videl gets flustered because they’re leaving her behind.   This background is gorgeous.  

Oh my gosh this is such a good movie.This scene doesn’t even matter and it’s still beautiful.

So that wraps things up, right?    Wrong.   There’s just one last piece of business...

No one made any wishes, so Shenron’s still waiting patiently in Bulma’s front yard.  D’oh!

And then the credits roll, including this shot of Goku from Movie 8, for some reason.

I posted caps from the credits earlier, but hot damn I like these.   And the ending theme is just magnificent.   This is such a good-ass movie.   No wasted motion, villain shows up in the first ten minutes, and there’s tons of stuff going on that’s all tied into the main plot, so the supporting characters can get their hero moments in without getting in the way of the main players.   There’s tons of action, plenty of comedy, and the visuals are gorgeous from start to finish.   

The only complaint I could possibly have is that it’s too short.  A story like this could have easily been expanded into a 90 minute film, or even longer.  You could have Goku and Vegeta botch a second fusion attempt, or just pad out the fights that are already in the story, or add some other characters running around dealing with the dead villains.    Piccolo and Krillin fight Dr. Gero or something.   Dabura and Broly try to gang up on Gohan and he gets some bloody satisfaction.  Shoot, have Videl beat up some Red Ribbon Army guys.   By now she’s probably strong enough to take most of them.    And of course, Tiencha vs. Perfect Cell.  

But you know, as a 50-minute affair, this thing rocks.   I’ve sat through movies three times as long that weren’t even a third as good.    It’s just so good.    Ahhh...

Bravo.

[eldritchsurveys]

655.

-What was the last song that you sang out loud? >> Part of Mirror Mirror by Blind Guardian. -If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? >> If they’re in such close proximity to me that I can smell their breath, then they must be close enough to me socially that I would care enough to tell them that they should pop a mint. -With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? >> --- -Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? >> I have a bed full of plushies, so I tend to burrow into those. -When are you likely to hide your emotions? >> When aren’t I...?

-Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? >> They seem comparable to me experience-wise. I guess whichever takes longer. -Who was the last person to take your breath away? >> --- -When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? >> We don’t have cable. When either of us turns on the TV, it’s either to use a game console, to watch a streaming service, or to play something on YouTube. -Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? >> No. -What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? >> I don’t generally receive comments on what I like listening to, unless it’s “me too” kind of comments. -Where do you go/what do you do when you need to calm down? >> I go to my room and do something distracting. Or go inworld, most likely. -What was the last mess you cleaned up? >> I don’t remember. - [TW] Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? >> No. -When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? >> None? Nothing special is happening tomorrow. -Who, in your opinion, has an amazing voice? >> Andy Kuntz (Vanden Plas). Unfortunate name, amazing voice. -Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars? >> Sure, as long as I had good enough equipment to keep the sand out.

-What is the last thing you complained about? >> ESO being down for maintenance. It was over by the time I finished the survey I ended up taking, thankfully. -What was the last curse-word you said? >> I don’t remember. -When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? >> --- -How did you recover from your last bout of tears? >> I just stopped eventually. -Do you still talk to your very first best friend? >> --- -When was the last time something went terribly wrong? >> I don’t remember. “Terribly” is a bit too intense to describe most of the mistakes and mishaps I deal with these days. -How do you console someone when he or she is upset? >> I generally do not take that position at all. -Have you ever seen either one of your parents cry? >> No. -Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? >> Outer space, thanks. -How often do you feel overwhelmed? >> Relatively often. -How do you deal with everyday life? >> *shrug* -Do you have any secret obsessions or guilty pleasures? >> Nope. -Aside from on this survey, what was the last thing you wrote about? >> I don’t remember. -Who in your family do you act like the most? >> --- -What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? >> ---

-When you go out to the mall, do people stare? >> Not that I’ve noticed, unless I’m wearing something that is somehow so strange that people can’t contain themselves. Or unless people are staring at me trying to figure out whether I’m a girl or not. Which, you know, happens. -Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? >> No. -What just tears at your heartstrings? >> The plight of Ardyn Izunia in Final Fantasy XV. -Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? >> I mean, I don’t make a point of saying “I will never watch this show!” or anything, but there are plenty of shows I’m just not interested in. -What was the last topic that you ranted about? >> I don’t remember. -Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? >> Not anymore. -Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? >> Probably. -Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? >> Yes. -Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? >> No. -Is your school like the drama capital of the country? >> --- -A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? >> I usually don’t carry cash, but if I happen to be carrying some and I feel like being generous, then I’ll probably give him a buck. This is, of course, all assuming I even hear him ask -- I’m usually listening to music through my headphones when I’m out somewhere. -When was the last time you visited a thrift store? >> I don’t remember. It’s been a while. -Was there ever a time when you wished you’d never been born? >> Yes. -Can you handle constructive criticism? >> Meh. Most of the time the people trying to give me criticism are people who I don’t care to hear criticism from, so. -Who is the most sensitive person that you know? >> I don’t know. -Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? >> Yeah. Couldn’t afford a root canal. -You can have one famous person’s wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? >> --- -When was the last time you wrote someone a note? >> --- -Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? >> --- -What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? >> I don’t remember. I don’t usually try to get out of doing anything. -On average, how many surveys do you fill out in one day? >> On days when I do take them, I take between one and four. -How many hours a day do you spend on Bzoink? >> I don’t usually spend that long on Bzoink. I’m just there to find surveys to bring here. -Which season do you dread the most? >> Winter. -Do you ever brag about your achievements? >> What achievements? -If someone makes fun of you, are you able to laugh it off? >> It depends on who you are. Sparrow is pretty much the only person who is allowed to make fun of me about whatever she feels like. Certain other people can make fun about certain things. Everyone else is suspect. -When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? >> I don’t remember. -What did you do last Halloween? >> We were in New Orleans, so we dressed up in our new tradgoth outfits and went walking around the Quarter for a bit, then went to Country Club for their Halloween party. And I had two absinthes, as a treat. :) -Last Thanksgiving? >> Went to the Wayland house, as usual. -Last Christmas - if you celebrate? >> Again, went to the Wayland house, as usual. Thanksgiving and Christmas are “family” holidays and Sparrow has one of those, so. -How did you celebrate the arrival of the new year? >> We were invited to a gathering at the house of someone we know from Meetup. -Is there a foreign culture you’d like to learn more about? >> I wouldn’t mind learning about any of them. -Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone’s heart? >> I mean, maybe? I don’t know. -Has anyone ever played with yours? >> I don’t know. -Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought “I could have done that?” >> No. Either way, I didn’t do it, so who cares? -Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real … just once? >> No?

-What is the scariest thing about attending your school? >> --- -Are you a good judge of other people’s intentions? >> I don’t think so. I am inclined to suspicion far too often. What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? >> How hot 1980s Rutger Hauer was. -Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? >> Alone. Shopping with Sparrow is fine, too. -What is one insecurity you have about your body? >> It doesn’t feel like mine and I’m tired of having to wear it. -What is one part of your body that you are proud of? >> --- -When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? >> People don’t tell me that. -When you don’t know how to spell a word, do you look it up? >> Yep. -Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? >> No. I want to spend the least amount of time possible in there. -Have you seen the movie Super Size Me? >> No. -Do you still eat at McDonald’s, regardless of that film? >> I mean, that “docu” is totally a fraud, so, uh. (I never stopped eating at McDonald’s, and if I did, it wouldn’t be because of some movie.) -Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a different race? >> Briefly. -Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? >> Well, sure. -When was the last time you doubted your abilities? >> *shrug* Always? -At your favorite restaurant, what do you order? >> --- -What was the last thing you wished for? >> I don’t wish for things. -How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? >> I don’t know, maybe... 10, 15 times? Also depends on what’s going on that day -- if I have somewhere to be, for example, I’ll be looking at the time a lot more to make sure I’m on schedule.

[back-and-totheleft]

A test for ‘Platoon’

In January 1987, the Chicago Tribune invited a group of Vietnam veterans, then in treatment for PTSD, to privately screen Platoon and provide their reactions. They were accompanied by a mental health professional for safety and support. As the article notes, “Most of the veterans were visibly shaken or in tears, well after the movie had ended.”

The critics have embraced it; audiences across the country are now flocking to see it. Indeed, the national opening of the Vietnam war film ''Platoon'' was pushed up two weeks in response to intense media coverage of it as a special event.

But the one audience reaction that hasn`t been heard from yet, as Ted Koppel said on a recent ''Nightline'' program devoted to the film, is the Vietnam veteran himself. What do combat veterans think of the film that claims to be the first fiction film to truthfully portray ground fighting in Vietnam?

To find out, we enlisted the help of the Chicago chapter of the Veterans Bedside Network, which assembled a group of six Vietnam combat veterans to watch a private screening of ''Platoon.'' Five men, all of whom saw front-line duty as Marines, were accompanied by a social worker-vet who has been treating them recently for post-traumatic stress disorder, which can strike anyone suffering from trauma.

Warning for frank discussions of violence, combat and mental illness.

Most of the men are 40 years old now, which meant they were about 20 when they saw battle. Each had resentment about how the war was conducted at the command level and how he was treated when he got back home.

More subtle, in some cases, was the barely hidden pain caused by having participated in or at least witnessed the killing of Vietnamese civilians. That nightmare is recalled in ''Platoon'' by a My Lai-style massacre sequence that makes such hideous violence seem reasonable.

For those who have yet to see ''Platoon,'' the movie was written and directed by Oliver Stone, a college dropout, who like the film`s young hero, played by Charlie Sheen, volunteered for infantry action in Vietnam to prove his manhood.

The film follows his bloody tour of duty with a platoon near the Cambodian border in 1967. And Stone`s film did its job extremely well, according to the veterans in our group, providing an eye-popping portrait of what Vietnam combat was all about: the heat, filth, confusion, fear and rotting bodies -- white, black, and yellow.

The veterans watching the movie were told very little about the film before it started. They were simply asked to take notes and to keep their reactions to themselves for a series of individual post-film interviews that would avoid any influence of ''group think.'' Then, they were told, they would reassemble as a unit to discuss the film and just how true-to-life any war film can be.

What follows, first, are the individual reactions of veterans and their counselor. Most of the veterans were visibly shaken or in tears, well after the movie had ended.

THOMAS WILLIAMS

''I served in Vietnam in 1966. I was a scout. And that scene of [the American platoon] being overrun, I've experienced that. The pain and the killing is shown right -- there`s no mercy.

'Having to kill like that and then having to come back here and having to pretend like nothing happened because you can`t tell anyone the horror of what it was like: This is what Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome is all about.

You get flashes of scenes like the ones in this movie, which is the closest I`ve ever seen to the real thing.

It was hell, man. And the first thing they had written on screen before the movie began -- that quote from Ecclesiastes about `losing your youth and becoming old` -- that`s very deep. That`s what happened over there.''

Williams, 39, with tears in his eyes, said he saw combat for 9 1/2 months in Vietnam. The most brutal battle he was involved in was called Operation Hastings.

''We fought the 324th B Division of the North Vietnamese. We fought them for 4 1/2 hours. They cut off our platoon from the rest of the battalion. Thirty-two of us killed approximately 1,000 men. That scene at the very end of the movie with [the overhead shot] all of the dead bodies in the valley -- it was exactly like that. Exactly.''

Tears were running down Williams` face.

''I thought I was going to die [in that battle]. The guy next to me, a round went through his head and blew the left side of his brains and skull onto the right side of my face. The guy carrying the [Vietnamese] flag, I hit him, and the guy next to him I unloaded a magazine [of bullets] in him and he still didn`t want to drop. I reloaded and I threw grenades, and that`s the only way that I made it. Out of 32 Marines, only five lived.

It hurts, man. It hurts. `Cause a lot of guys died for nothing. For nothing. Nothing."

FRANK KAUZLARICH

''The character portrayals were outstanding; they didn't `Hollywood it up,` '' said Kauzlarich, 40, who served in 1968-9 as a helicopter crew chief. ''They had the details right about the leeches--and the dust everywhere when [the college kid] arrived in Vietnam in the very first scene. I saw the same dust and the body bags when I first got there, and I thought to myself, `What the hell am I getting into?`

''The characters were all right on: the good, the bad, and the ugly, you might say. Also it showed the things you had to do -- the people you had to leave behind. As a helicopter crew chief, I saw areas I simply couldn't get into, and we had to leave people behind.''

Kauzlarich was different from the rest of the group in two ways. He didn't want his photograph taken, and he appeared to be the most composed after the movie. His self control, he intimated, grew out of his job in Vietnam.

''As a crew chief, I lived in my chopper. I had to maintain the chopper and make sure I was always ready to take off and get our guys who usually were in deep [shit].

''But my eyes were watered up during the movie. 'I just had a little more time to get myself together. I`ll be keyed up for a couple of days. It`s a good movie. He portrayed it all very well: the noise, the dust, the crap.

He did a good job, but no one could ever tell you about Vietnam in a movie. They can`t show the pain, the absurdities, the horror. You end up being an animal yourself in order to survive. You don`t have time to register the horror, until it just wells up in you. It was 13 years before I began reliving the thing. I got flashbacks of sounds and smells.''

TERRY TIDD

''That`s the most realistic movie I've ever seen,'' said Tidd, a burly, bearded man, who has just turned 40. ''I`m shaking inside."

''One thing that was good about it is that they didn't glamorize the killing and dying. Some of the other movies about Vietnam made it look like it was too much fun.

I just want people to know that [American soldiers] did go back and kill [Vietnamese] people in villages like that. But the people that did it,'' Tidd said, his voice cracking, ''weren`t rotten people. But if you go into a village, and there are no VC, and all you see are women and children, and you step outside of that village and you saw your buddies getting killed, and they`re screaming, well, some guys went back to the village.

''And this film showed it was that kind of a dirty war. I just wish people could know that we weren`t just a bunch of baby killers. We really thought we were fighting for our country and to stop the spread of Communism. And people who died over there, maybe they have an advantage over us who lived through it. Because we know it was a lost cause. They died not knowing it.

''I want to get my ma and dad to see this movie. I got a 13-year-old boy I might want to take. It may be too heavy, but he`s asked me a lot about Vietnam, and I probably should take him to see this.''

Tidd served in 1966 with the Marine I Corps near Da Nang.

''If anyone wants to know what the war is like, this would be a good one for them.''

LARRY BRIMM

"It can`t be fully felt unless you`ve been there. [The taste of death] just stays in your throat. I brush my tongue every morning, but I can`t get rid of it."

Brimm, 40, a 1965-6 Marine Corp veteran, also seemed composed as he stepped out of the screening room to talk. But then he opened his hands. His palms were full of sweat and creases formed by dug-in nails.

''As far as the technical end of the movie is concerned, it was good. It showed that for each man, it really was their own private little war of staying alive. There weren`t a lot of massive sweeps of men.

''When [order] broke down, you counted on your buddy to the left and your buddy to the right, and that was it. There wasn`t another squad, another platoon. There was just you and what was happening within three feet of you. And I got that in this film.''

Brimm also said he found the emotional transitions of some of the characters to be accurate.

''For me in 1965, I went over there idealistic. After a while though, I realized there was no point about fighting Communism. It was all a matter of simply staying alive. And then you start hating yourself for the things you have to do to stay alive -- like killing civilians.

I can really empathize with that scene where [the Americans] burned that village because of all that had gone on before. In 1965, it was more of a booby trap, sniper war of not being able to see the enemy. So to retaliate, you just didn`t care. But now I have to live with that.''

BILL BURTON

"In Vietnam there wasn`t the racism I find here. We called each other names, but we were there for each other when it counted. All of our blood was red."

''It was almost real,'' said Burton, a Marine who fought in a variety of locations in 1968-9. ''There were some things I saw in the film that I did.'' He began shaking his head.

''No, I`d rather not say,'' he said, taking out his handkerchief. ''It affects me to this day.''

Was he glad he saw the picture? ''Oh, yes,'' he said, ''it might help me. I`ve never seen anything since I`ve been back to compare to this. I could identify with a lot of it. For example, the scene where the [American soldier] shot the [Vietnamese] woman. It happened, man. You saw it happening all around you, and it was scary that it started to make sense.''

RAY BLANFORD

"The emotional side of the experience can never be communicated. If you fought and lived through that war, you were damaged."

Ray Blanford, who served two tours of army duty in Vietnam, now serves as a therapist in the Stress Disorder program at the North Chicago Veterans Hospital.

''I have heard the exact stories that were up on that screen--everything from the blood on the soldier`s face [when his buddy bashes a Vietnamese man`s skull] to the loss of control, the hate, the fear, and finally the killing of the [Vietnamese] guy with one leg. It was so real. The emotions in this film could have been taken right out of what we get in the Stress Disorder unit."

Blanford, 52, said he handled the stress in Vietnam because he was older than the average soldier. ''Most of the guys that fought were pretty young. We`re talking about, in many cases, mere high school kids. Forget the real war, if you simply subjected them to what you saw in this movie, you would have a bunch of traumatized kids.''

Along with the other vets, Blanford took special note of the film`s opening scene. ''I could almost smell the fuel of the C-135 [aircraft] and the dust, as well recall the confusion of the body bags going out and the men coming in.''

--

Now the men were brought together, and they were first asked to react to the final line in the movie in which actor Sheen, in voice-over narration, speaks, in effect to all veterans, saying that they, as survivors, ''have an obligation to build again, to find a goodness and meaning in this life.''

To a man, the veterans said such noble sentiments were a pipe dream. One exception is a cause promoted by Thomas Williams.

''The goodness and meaning that we`ve found on the ward is to try to find housing for the many homeless Vietnam veterans. Through our own illness and strength we`re trying to help them through an organization called Veterans for Housing, Inc."

But in general the mood of the vets turned dark when they were asked about their chances of ''building again.''

''I find a lot of irony in that,'' said Frank Kauzlarich, ''in that our society doesn`t want to give us a chance to build again. They just want to forget the mistakes that we and our government made over there. We`ve been looked down on since we`ve come back, and consequently we look down on ourselves.''

Bill Burton had a more specific complaint. ''I`ve only been able to hold onto a job for two years since I`ve been back. I just need a chance. I need a job. I live on the North Side, and it really gets me, man, to see these Vietnamese with jobs, but I can`t get one myself."

''It`s funny,'' said Burton, who is black, ''in Vietnam there wasn`t the racism I find here. I mean, we may have called each other names, but we were there for each other when it counted. All of our blood was red.''

At that point, Burton grabbed the hand of Terry Tidd, who was sitting next to him.

''That last line makes me angry,'' said Thomas Williams. ''They don`t try to understand us. They never tried. There were no parades -- everybody knows that. But what they don`t know is the sense of powerlessness we feel.

''I mean there`s a real power you have in `Nam when you have a gun and you`re killing. Then you come back, and you`ve got nothing. You`ve given up your flesh, your blood, and your mind. So that bit about coming up with a new life is bullshit. People just don`t care about us. The government doesn`t have the money to treat us. Thousands of vets are going without help.

''Hell yes I`m angry. Many of us lost our families `cause we couldn`t handle life when we came back. Build again? That`s a joke.''

''You get your ass blown up, they want to give you peanuts,'' said Terry Tidd. ''I got hit twice in my legs, they give me 10 per cent of my pay -- 126 dollars a month -- the absolute minimum for legs that are filled with metal. When I get X-rayed, they ask if I was in a car accident. I`m supposed to build a new life on that?!''

''On a job application,'' said Frank Kauzlarich, ''it`s not too smart to put down that you`re a Vietnam veteran. You`re better off putting down that you`re an alcoholic. Chances are the boss drinks, too.''

''The damage done to the warriors does not always go away,'' said Ray Blanford, the social worker.

The anger of the vets was a surprising turn of events, considering that their praise of the movie had been so effusive.

Some might say the group we interviewed was heavily battle-scarred. That may be true, but realize that only a small fraction of the people who served in Vietnam saw combat, and that combat soldiers is what ''Platoon'' is all about.

As it turned out, the veterans` anger was also rooted in their treatment at home, today. It became apparent when the vets were asked to complete the following thought: ''It`s a terrific movie but, even so, it doesn`t communicate...''

''It can be accurately portrayed on film,'' said Larry Brimm, ''but it can`t be fully felt unless you’ve been there.''

''The movie is missing the taste of death,'' said Bill Burton.

''It just stays in your throat,'' said Larry Brimm. ''I brush my tongue every morning, but I can`t get rid of it.''

''It was so hot in `Nam,'' said Thomas Williams.''The movie didn`t show people tying T-shirts over their face to cut the smell of death. But the smell you can never get rid of. It will always be with you.''

It was up to Ray Blanford to sum up.

''I say to all the veterans: See the movie, but be with somebody you care about so you can talk about the emotions the movie brings back. And if you need help, call us.

'As for the public: See the movie, but know that the emotional side of the real experience can never be communicated. A movie can`t communicate the terror or the lasting damage. If you fought and lived through that war, you were damaged. And I want every kid who sees this picture and thinks that war is exciting to know that.''

-Gene Siskel, “A Test for Platoon,” Chicago Tribune, January 4 1987 [x]

[organicclownfarm]

🎵 i think i’ve seen this film before 🎵

🎵 and i didn’’t like the ending 🎵

[filmandtubes]

X-Pro Reversal, Perfected.

After a long time and a lot of test shots, I now think that I have perfected the process. I’ve tried it with both E-6 and C-41 films with good results on both. First, I'll start off with the boring bit and then get to the results.

Here is the recipe. I purposefully made it so that it could all be done at the single temp of 102F as used by every C-41 kit I've ever seen. Note that temperature control is more critical in this and that some kind of warming method will be needed for the long first developer time.

NOTE: It is trivial to re-reel the wet film with stainless steel reels. With plastic reels it would seem impossible; however, several tips online has said that you can easily (apparently more easily than stainless) re-reel the film by sticking both the reel and film in a water filled bucket so that they are submerged. If you're stuck with plastic reels, you can try this method but I haven't tested it for myself.

Mix HC-110 A working solution (1+15)

Heat both HC-110 and C-41 chemicals to 102F (you might also want a bottle of water for rinsing)

Rinse/preheat the tank for 2 minutes

Develop for 6:30 in HC-110. Agitate 10s initially, and then 4x every 30s after. Experimenting with less aggressive agitation could lead to less blown highlights, but additional time might be required for full shadow development. Less agitation might also add some color casts. Develop for 7:30 for C-41 films for "box speed" results (otherwise you'll need to over expose by 1.5 stops for best results)

Rinse several times in order to stop development

Remove film from tank, fog over daylight colored light pad. Do not fog over tungsten lights or outside using the sun. Fog for 2 or 3 minutes, ensuring to cover both the front and back of the film

Put film back in tank

Rinse/preheat tank again for 2 minutes

C-41 develop for slightly longer. For my kit it says 3:30, so I did it for 4:00 for VERY fresh developer (ie, this was the second roll I used with it). If you've processed more than 4 rolls, extend to 4:15. If you've processed more than kit capacity go for 4:30 or even up to 5:00.

Blix for almost twice as long as instructed. For my kit it says 6:00, so I blix for 10:00. If using a two bath kit, extend both bleach and fix times. See troubleshooting to figure out if you need more blix

Rinse as normal. I recommend inspecting the film before stabilizing in case more blix is required.

Troubleshooting and FAQ:

Can I use a different B/W developer? - Yes, however not all developers are ideal. Before HC-110 I used a generic F-76+ developer and had problems reaching the native box speed, even with greatly extended development times and higher concentrations. HC-110 solution A is ideal because it's high contrast like slide film works best with, and it's also incredibly active, meaning you can develop the film very quickly. Previously 18 minutes and beyond was required just to reach half of the native ISO. HC-110 also does not seem to produce any color shifts by early development of the color couplers.

My film came out but it looks faded and blacks aren't deep - This is caused by a moderate to major lack of C-41 development. Ensure that your C-41 chemicals are still good

My film came out missing an entire color region, or there is only one color present - I've had this happen only twice and both times I chalk it up to my C-41 developer getting contaminated somehow.

There is a lot of grain and weird reddish coloring in the highlights - This is caused by lack of blix. If there is any grain AT ALL in the highlights of the film where it should be clear (like the exposed leader) then this indicates lack of blix. When not enough blix is applied it tends to affect only certain portions of the film, so that some frames will be correct and others not. There is no harm in putting the roll back into the blix if you see this. Note that massive under development in the B/W developer phase can also cause this, where the exposed leader is only gray rather than white.

Can I use stand development to decrease contrast/safely develop badly shot film? - I've tried this a few times. Do NOT under any circumstances use it for the C-41 development part. The result is really massive color shifts, fog, and lack of certain colors. For the B/W development part, it should be possible. Keep in mind though that you still need a very active developer and potentially raised temperatures. I tried doing stand development with the less active F-76+ stuff, and over 1 hour it barely even touched the film. Also for C-41 film, it's exposure latitude even when processed like this is much more forgiving than E-6 film. As long as the C-41 film isn't massively over exposed it should still produce something. I've used this with film that was suppose to be pushed 2 stops (ie, 400 ISO shot at 1600 ISO) and processed it this way with very good results.

I tried a different film and it looks weird - That's part of the fun. Each film, be it C-41 or E-6, has it's own unique character in this process. Sometimes the results aren't great, but it's almost always unique.

All my highlights are blown and the shadows are faded - If the unexposed portions of film are dark black, then you did not develop in B/W developer long enough. If the unexposed portions of film are not dark black, then you either did not fog for long enough, or you didn't do C-41 development long enough, or your C-41 developer can be contaminated... or of course you could've shot it at the wrong ISO in the camera.

My film is mostly black, or it looks under exposed - If the exposed (ie, leader on 35mm) portions of film are not clear, then you have a major lack of B/W development. If it is clear, then it is a moderate lack of B/W development, or inaccurate metering in the camera. (note that when shooting slide, it's typical to meter for shadows and not highlights)

My highlights are completely clear, but shadows are very dark - Part of this is the fun of slide film, but this can also indicate too much C-41 development. There is a balance to be struck between dark blacks and reasonable contrast. The more time you develop in C-41, the darker shadows will get and the deeper colors will turn.. but you'll have more contrast because the highlights will be more or less unaffected. If you greatly reduce the C-41 development time, contrast is pushed way down, but color saturation is also much weaker.

Can I push or pull with this process? - Of course! I don't have reliable times, but a 1 stop push appears to be around 8 minutes with HC-110 A. If you are looking to do extreme pushes of 2 or more stops, it can be helpful to pull in the C-41 process. If you pull (shorten development time) in C-41, then dark shadows can survive and not get completely blocked. Of course this has effects on color rendition, dMax, and can cause some (mostly correctable) color shifts. Note that if you push (extend development time) in C-41 development, then you need to push in B/W development even more, because pushing in C-41 effectively decreases the perceived speed of the film since shadow detail etc gets so dark, and contrast also can be drastically increased.

I followed everything you said, but ended up with a blue tint over everything - This is normal and varies depending on film. On some film it is a red tint. The tint appears to be incredibly minor (ie, you can only really see it when scanning) if the C-41 developer is fresh, and it seems to get worse as the C-41 developer is used to capacity. The blue tint is incredibly simple to correct out though, and there are otherwise no crazy color crossing with E-6 film like you see with traditional negative X-Pro. If the blue tint is not subtle, you may have also not done enough C-41 development. I've found "by the box" C-41 development to give some slightly more noticeable blue tint, but with extended times it goes away quickly. If you extend C-41 development a lot, then the blue tint eventually goes away completely, but also contrast can get pushed to insane amounts, so it's a balancing act.

Does this contaminate my C-41 developer, how many rolls can I process with one kit? - I have no idea to be honest. I've done normal C-41 processing after several rounds of this process with no problem. However, I have noticed that the kit capacity should really not be exceeded when using this process if you can help it. It introduces more and more color tints, and blix times especially will need to be extended potentially to 12 minutes or more since this process is much more blix intensive.

Is there some special way I should shoot with this process? - Just shoot it like slide film. The exposure latitude is about the same or only slightly reduced, so avoid really contrasty scenes if you want both shadows and highlights to have detail. Also keep in mind that it's safer to under expose slide film than over expose. A lot of shadow detail can be brought out of an under exposed slide with a good scanner.. but there is no highlight detail to recover. It's the opposite of color negative.

Why would you want to do this? - I hate needing to have a second batch of color chemicals mixed and going bad when I want to develop slide film without crazy colors like in X-Pro. I also like that the B/W developer can be used one-shot. But also I think the color changes are interesting. With C-41 film it can give a unique color pallette, while with E-6 film it gives fairly predictable colors. This process isn't like X-Pro when used with E-6 film, so it won't give you crazy color crossing where red is purple etc.. but it does change the strength of certain colors, and at least for Provia 100F, I think it makes things look similar to Kodachrome. For Velvia it seems to emphasize blue colors rather than green colors, etc. Also, unlike X-Pro, there is very little grain, about the amount (or maybe just slightly more) of grain you'd expect from slide film.

What can I expect from using C-41 film with this like Portra? - Orange base, color shifts, medium amount of contrast (usually), blown highlights, good looking shadows, and slightly finer grain than normal. Each stock of film tends to respond differently to this process. Superia 400 introduces some insane color shifts that can be very unflattering to skin tones, though can provide a dreamy look during golden hour lighting. Lomo color 400 (rebranded Gold 400 iirc) responds with somewhat normal colors, but with weak blue highlights but strong blue shadows, and other colors are very saturated and punchy

Ok, now we know the technical bits, lets move on to what the results actually look like. Each stock of film has it's own personality in this process. I personally like Provia's look the best so that's where I'll start

E-6 Provia 100F (120)

I processed this with newly mixed C-41 developer and the colors were worth it! This looks completely fine when held up to a slightly warm lightpad, but looks ever so slightly blue when held against a daylight lightpad. I also shot this on a cloudy day, which apparently results in a slight blue tint for Provia when processed normally. I took these using my Yashica Mat 124G, my favorite camera of all time for portraits.

Despite being a fairly cloudy day, I absolutely love the color of these. I did have to do some curve adjustment as they looked a quite blue to begin with, but I expect if I had my lightpad set to something near tungsten during scanning it would've looked almost as great with no correction at all. I especially love how the colors seem to pop, and how much contrast it has without blowing any important highlights. Absolutely perfect processing in my opinion. I think standard E-6 processing with Provia is a bit drab with less saturation. This process ramps up saturation without making things garrish like Velvia can sometimes be.

Bonus photo from my half-frame Pen EES-2:

E-6 Velvia 100 (120)

I did this on a slightly more cloudy day somewhere in Detroit, and again with my Mat 124G. This was with much less fresh C-41 developer (slightly past kit capacity) and it shows. I expect we'll see something more exciting when I do a batch of this with fresh developer. I also didn't have as much time to prepare for my shops since we were basically in the location thanks to the patience of a security guard, so I was relying more on the slightly inaccurate meter of my Mat 124G and a prayer. The ones close to over exposure actually turned out looking best with this. This film definitely had a blue tint to it, but with a very warm tungsten light could be passable and potentially used as slides.

As you can see the colors are definitely just not there like they should be in Velvia in most of the shots, but there was at least 1 that looked like what you'd expect. I've done this process (though not )

E-6 Ektachrome 320 (35mm)

This was my first time shooting with this film so I wasn't really sure what to expect.I got this as "retrochrome" from Film Photography Project and was advertised as being frozen since creation, so I just shot it at box speed and hoped for the best. I shot this film with my Leica M6 with a classic character Rokkor 40mm f/2 lens on a cloudy day. This film actually caused me to increase my blix recommendation time to 10 minutes. I was using exhausted blix (past capacity) and did it for 10 minutes and the rest of the tank was clear, but this film still had some silver grains in the highlights. If using exhausted blix, I'd say do 12 minutes minimum if using this film. Overall the results were a bit of a mess. The colors were muted and aged looking, and there was some slight color crossings. It worked for some subjects, but it wouldn't be something I'd shoot every day. For what I was using it for (Detroit and Heidelberg) it actually complimented things pretty well, but I'll use with caution in the future. This is also very old film that is supposedly government surplus. This may also have had a quality effect. Looking at some E-6 processed reference photos of this stuff, I'm really not that far off either though. Also this processed caused a considerable blue tint on the film, more so than is common with Velvia or Provia. It was simple to correct, but would not be suitable for projection.

I'd say, compared to E-6:

Some slight color crossing, especially in the green and yellow spectrum

Slightly more grainy

Significantly worse exposure latitude than Velvia or Provia. This film really seemed to have a sweet spot that I missed 90% of the time.

C-41 Superia 400 (35mm)

This was the first C-41 film I tried after figuring out the final process. It has always been an unpredictable process with C-41 film, but the color crossing in this one was especially... unique. C-41 film does of course always have the orange mask, so highlights are orange rather than clear. This is easy to correct, but of course makes it completely unsuitable for projection. These pictures were taken on a mix of a sunny day and near sunset.

The following were taken using an earlier version of the process (all the same but 8 minutes of B/W development) with my Pen EES-2 camera:

And the following were taken using the final version on my M6 with Jupiter 50mm f/1.5 lens:

The colors are definitely other worldly and in some cases quite dreamy. I love this for golden hour and sunset stuff, but the color crossing is a bit less subtle in open daylight. You have to be careful using this for skin tones, because it can definitely make skin look quite blotchy and unhealthy for some reason. In the two pictures of my wife (the redhead) you can see I gave up trying to keep the colors realistic and just went with the color pallette this film naturally gives me. When trying to correct things to be more natural it made skin tones look really bad. When color correcting this film in this process, everything is up for a bit of interpretation anyway.

C-41 Lomo Color 400 (35mm, rebranded Kodak Gold 400)

On this one, the colors are much more natural but very punchy. This roll was mostly under exposed (it was suppose to be pushed 2 stops) but had some surprisingly good results despite that with this process. Honestly this might be my new way of pushing C-41 film with some slight modifications.

E-6 Rollei CR200 / Lomography X-Pro 200 (120)

(This was added after the initial post)

This one came out with a really thick teal cast, and came out incredibly curly. Definitely not the typical slide experience, but if you correct out the cast, it's not too bad. I honestly have never processed this film in standard E-6 chemicals, so I'll just give the results I got:

AR-5 FPP Color IR (35mm)

(This was added after the initial post)

This one came out looking great. The only problem is that lens has no focus mark that corrects for IR light, and so things aren't nearly as sharp as they should be. Regardless, these slides came out looking great. I'm not sure if it's the film with a red filter, or the process or what, but the results definitely lean to the greener side. It is still more grainy than I'd like. I've heard you actually get less grain with this stuff when processing normally in C-41 as a negative, and more grain with E-6.

Conclusion

For E-6 film this is definitely a doable substitute to traditional processing. I prefer only keeping one set of chemicals and using every one-shot if possible, and this process allows for both. You do have to be careful to not use exhausted chemicals and such, but overall it's a less finicky process than traditional E-6. The only complication is that fogging must be done manually. This isn't a problem with steel reels, but is near impossible with plastic reels. I bet some smart person out there knows how to make a chemical fogging agent, but I've failed to find it in my searching on google. Also I'm not sure how much I trust chemical fogs, since that is yet another chemical to go bad, so I'll personally never use it. If anyone does find out though, definitely message me on reddit and I'll include something here about it: u/earlzdotnet

[enthusiasticharry]

the one where you’re insecure and the fans don’t help.

masterlist

asks 

When Harry’s behind the album film first came out, you didn’t know what to think. You did make an appearance in the film when he was out in Jamaica, recording the album, since you went with him for moral support and just to spend some quality time with him, since it didn't happen often.

The part you made an appearance was when he was surfing on the beach. He obviously looked as beautiful as ever, water droplets running down his sun kissed skin as he leant his arms up on his surf board too look at you by the small pier sort of thing, a smile automatically falling on to both of your lips.

It wasn’t that you minded being in Harry’s film, it was a part of his new life, it was that you were scared of the backlash you were going to receive. Compared to people Harry dated before, you weren’t the thinnest, skinniest or prettiest in your opinion, since one of his exes was Kendall Jenner and that really caused some of the fans to outburst that you weren’t suitable for Harry and it was really taking a toll. 

In the film itself, you were wearing a bright yellow bikini that Harry had got you for your birthday which was close to the time you were leaving for Jamaica, and behind close doors, you felt cute and sexy but outside, not so much. As the go pro panned around to you, you were sat on the small wooden platform, hands rested behind you as you stared at the love of your life in the ocean, a smile tolling on your lips.

When you watch the clip back, people can obviously see the thickness of your hips and thighs, contributing to the fact that they don't think you should be with Harry, and you obviously knew that size didn't matter, but people were sometimes really awful about it, and it was something that triggered your insecurity.

Even though Harry told you specifically not to look on twitter, and other things that you would normally scroll through until the first wave finished, you did and ended up locking yourself in your room, the horribleness of it was really getting to you.

People were saying you weren’t good enough for Harry and that he deserved better.

People were saying that you were fat and needed to get rid of some of the fat around your thighs, which you were the most insecure about.

People were also saying that Harry needed to get back with Kendall because she’s prettier and better for him than you are. 

All these comments hit you right in the heart, and Harry knew the second he walked into your bedroom that night. He immediately dragged the laptop of your lap, shut it and placed it on the dressing table before climbing next to you and letting you cuddle into him and let out the tears, the ones that have been building up for the past couple of days.

“What’s wron’ love?” He asks after your sobs start to subside, a hiccup leaving your lips.

“They’re just so mean, Harry.” You break out into a sob again and Harry starts to stroke your hair, placing a kiss on the top of your head as he watched you physically shake from in his arms.

“I tol’ yeh no’ to look, didn’ I?” He says and you nod, grabbing onto the end of his shirt as your breaths start to even out.

“Look love,” He says pulling you out of his shirt and making you look right at him, his green eyes finding comfort in yours, “It doesn’t matter to meh.” 

You look at him confused before he places you down on the bed and hovers above you, placing a soft kiss to your lips. 

“It doesn’t matter to meh that y're not that thinnest girl I’ve ever seen, but y're the most beautiful. It doesn’t matter that people want meh to get back with one of my exes, it matters that I love yo' and y' love me. It doesn’t matter that y' have stretch lines or that people dislike y', because I like y', no, actually I love y' and every part of y'.” 

You were crying again, not from pain but from your love for this idiot in front of you and his way with words. Words that reassure you that you don't need to listen to what they are saying, you just needed him.

“I love y' hair and how it always ends up in my mouth when we’re cuddlin’. I love y' eyes and how they’re chocolat’ brown and entice me to stare at them. I love y' lips and how sof’ and plump they are.” He said, kissing from your hairline to your lips before continuing down your neck. 

“I love when y' walk round the house with hicky's on y' neck, in one of meh t-shirts. I love when y' walk around the house naked because y've had a shower but y' pyjamas are in the dryer. I also love how y' look when I’m fuckin’ y'." You hit him on the arm and start chuckling at his bluntness. 

“I also love y' thighs when they wrap around my waist, when y' run up to hug me. I love y' legs when they tangle with mine in bed and I also love y' bum when I get to squeeze in many different situations.” He says, sneaking his hand underneath your bum and pinching it. 

“But most importantly, I love y' and y' charming personality and your jokes that are worst than mine and y' know mine are bad, and I love how y' do treat people with kindness. Y/N, y' one of the most genuine people I know, and I love y'. I fuckin’ love y'.” 

“I love you too, H.” You say, tears spilling from your eyes as he kisses you on the forehead.

Later that night, Harry tweets out to everyone, telling that what he needs to get off his chest whilst you snuggle up next to him, soft snore es along your lips.

Please stop hating on Y/N, she is one of the most amazing person I’ve ever had the chance to meet and she doesn’t deserve anything she’s getting. H.

[chiyukiakasuna]

Favorite quotes from Phil Hine’s Condensed Chaos (mostly for self reference) I just read this, suggested to me by a self-proclaimed chaote (who...was trying to tell me pop magick had no place in chaos/was nothing like chaos?) (first book in a while, yay), and some of the quotes just....struck me! Especially where I’ve been considering myself a pop culture witch and a pop culture pagan, alongside Kemetism.

Any Chaote who tries to tell me pop culture is “fake” or “not chaos magic” I can now direct to this text, which I’ve been told is one of The Premier texts for Chaos Magick.....

under cut b/c long i realize I may have quoted most of the book but i dont care

"to have fun. Magick should be enjoyed."  - Witches take themselves too seriously sometimes. Even I take myself and my craft too seriously sometimes. It’s okay to lighten up once in a while.

"What symbol systems you wish to employ is a matter of choice, and that the webs of belief which surround them are means to an end, rather than ends in themselves “

"Chaos magic borrowed freely from Science Fiction, Quantum Physics, and anything else its practitioners chose to" 

"Chaos magic is an approach that enables the individual to use anything that s/he thinks is suitable as a temporary belief or symbol system. What matters is the results you get, not the ‘authenticity’ of the system used" 

"The Chaos perspective, if nothing else, encourages an eclectic approach to development, and Chaos Magicians are free to choose from any available magical system, themes from literature, television, religions, cults, parapsychology, etc." - Pop Culture magic is squarely a part of Chaos Magick, at least according to Hine.

"Doing something innovative (especially if you don’t know anyone else who’s tried it) is very good for building your confidence."  - I hope so, I need more confidence...

"Personally, I like to use lots of different systems, and use them as seems appropriate. I tend to flip between D.I.Y, Qabalah, Tantra, Cthulhu Mythos, Shamanism, and anything else that I feel to be appropriate at any particular time" 

"Chaos Silliness It was the Discordians that pointed out that amidst the long list of dualisms that occultists were fond of using, the opposites of humour/seriousness had been left aside. Humour is important in magick. As Janet Cliff once said, we’re too important to take ourselves seriously. Some members of the IOT Pact, for example, use Laughter as a form of banishing, and of course there is nothing like laughter to deflate the pompous, self-important occult windbags that one runs into from time to time. IMPORTANT: rituals can be silly and no less effective than ones when you keep a straight face. Magick is fun - otherwise, why do it?" 

"Whilst some magicians tend to stick to one favourite model, it is useful to shift between them as the situation befits, as some models have a stronger ‘explaining’ power for accounting for some aspects of magick than others. The Spirit model, being by far the oldest, can account for just about any aspect of magick. The Psychological model, whilst being useful for looking at magical as a process for personal development, has difficulty with aspects such as tribal shamans cursing Westerners who (a) don’t believe in magick (b) didn’t see the shaman squinting at them yet (c) still break out in hives or boils anyway. If you narrow yourself down to only using one magical model, then sooner or later the Universe will present you with something that won’t fit your parameters. When you are spending more time defending your models, rather than modifying them, then you know it’s time for another spot of deconditioning ... report to Room 101."  - it’s okay to switch systems!!

"One aspect of Chaos Magick that seems to upset some people is the Chaos Magician’s (or Chaoist, if you like) occasional fondness for working with images culled from non-historical sources, such as invoking H.P Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos beings, mapping the Rocky Horror Show onto the Tree of Life, slamming through the astral void in an X-Wing fighter, and ‘channeling’ communications from gods that didn’t exist five minutes ago. So you might see why using this sort of thing as a basis for serious magical work raises one or two eyebrows in some quarters. Isn’t after all, the Lovecraft stuff fiction? What about linking in with ‘inner planes contacts’, ‘traditions’, etc - surely you can’t do magick with something that doesn’t bear any relation to history or mythology?" 

"It doesn’t matter which belief system you use, so long as it turns you on. Read that again, it’s important. Eventually most magicians seem to develop their own magical systems which work fine for them but are a bit mind boggling for others to use, with Austin Osman Spare’s Alphabet of Desire being a good example." 

“A key to magical success is veracity of belief. If you want to try something out, and can come up with a plausible explanation as to how/why it should work, then it most likely will. Pseudoscience or Qabbalistic gibber (or both) - it matters not so long as the rationale you devise buffers the strength of your belief in the idea working. I find that this happens a lot when I try and push the limits of how I try to do some magical action that I haven’t tried before. Once I come up with a plausible explanation of how it could work in theory, then of course, I am much more confident about doing, and can often transmit this confidence to others. If I’m 110% certain that this rituals going to ‘bloody well work’ then its all the more likely that it will. “

"A belief system can be seen as a matrix of information into which we can pour emotional energy - we do as much, when we become so engrossed in watching a play, film, or TV programme that for a moment, it becomes real for us, and invokes appropriate emotions. Much of what we see served up on the silver screen is powerful mythic images & situations, repackaged for modern tastes, which is a cue to start going on about ‘Star Trek’." - And then he talks about Star Trek and Cthulhu mythos for like 3 paragraphs.

"4. Do not put live toads in your mouth."

[hotspotsmagazine]

Q&A: Actress Chloë Sevigny is Still Drawn to Outsiders

Chloë Sevigny knows the power of words, so she’s very careful with them, warily tiptoeing to the end of an answer when asked about the influence of her seminal trans-landmark film Boys Don’t Cry. The 1999 dramatization of the murder of real-life Nebraskan transgender teen Brandon Teena (Hilary Swank) garnered the 43-year-old indie queen and style icon, who played Teena’s girlfriend, Lana Tisdel, an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

Director Larry Clark’s 1995 film Kids came first, with Sevigny portraying an HIV-positive teen. But Sevigny would go on to amass a body of LGBTQ films and roles, including  If These Walls Could Talk 2, Party Monster, Will & Grace and Broken Flowers, playing Jessica Lange’s lesbian assistant. In 2012, she portrayed trans contract killer Mia in the British miniseries Hit & Miss, a part she now says she’d pass on if it were offered to her today. (Actress Scarlett Johansson recently withdrew from playing a trans character in the forthcoming Rug & Tug after facing LGBTQ backlash.)

Currently, Sevigny stars in and co-produces Lizzie, featuring the actress’ first lead role in her 50-film career. The thriller explores infamous 19th-century alleged murderous Lizzie Borden through a queer lens, which, according to this version, goes like this: Lizzie (Sevigny), to rebuke the patriarch who’s getting in the way of her romantic pursuit of maid Bridget Sullivan (Kristen Stewart), slaughters her father and stepmother with an ax. And so, Sevigny can now add “real-life killer lesbian” to her abundantly gay resume.

What has led you to so many LGBTQ characters? 

The marginalized, the misunderstood, the outcast – you know, I grew up super sensitive as a child, and my brother and I were pretty rebellious in a small town and were really into just questioning the status quo. I have a lot of older peers who are gay and knowing the struggle and what they fought through, and having so much respect and admiration for the times that they’ve lived through – not that the struggle is over by any means, but just the perspective that I think gets lost. Post Trump, with all the conversations that are being had, and everyone’s like “oh god, it’s so horrible; I can’t watch the news,” but thank god everyone is talking about how political the systems are. I really feel like change is happening.

Why do you think you didn’t experience the same backlash that Scarlett Johansson did for signing on to play a trans role? 

It was just a different time then. When they came to me with that role I said, “I don’t understand why you don’t cast a real trans person,” and they said, “We can’t get the funding because we can’t find anyone that has a big enough name, in all honesty.” And I just felt like it was an important story to tell, and I loved the writing and I loved the creators and I wanted to be a part of it. If that opportunity came to me today, I would pass, for sure, 100 percent. It was just, unfortunately, what was acceptable then. I think it wasn’t as challenged, and it should be.

What are your thoughts on whether LGBTQ actors should exclusively be playing LGBTQ roles? And with that in mind, how did you approach Lizzie’s sexuality?  

Well, I want to respect (the community) and their stories and who they are as people, and I feel like (Lizzie and Bridget’s) love was born out of the confines of the environment they were in at the time; they were looking for escape in one another. I feel like it’s kind of beyond the boundaries of queer, straight, you know?

We had a good writer, we had lots of out cast members who really respected the story and wanted to be a part of telling it, and I admire them all for being out and for coming forward and supporting the project. I mean, I feel if gay men or women can play straight, I don’t know (laughs) if it’s fair to do the reverse. But I just hope that there’s more opportunities, for everyone – especially the people who are marginalized.

Did it mean something to you to have someone who is not heterosexual, Kristen Stewart, play Bridget, who is also not heterosexual? 

It… did. But she was also my first choice just as an actor, not the person. I have so much respect for her choices, and I could go on and on about her performances, but I like her persona. For me, I’ve always been attracted to directors or other actors that I feel like have more than just that going on – that aren’t just, like, theater nerds (laughs). Not that there’s anything wrong with theater nerds! But I feel like she really represents something to a lot of generations, with Twilight and beyond.

You’ve said what you had in mind for this film didn’t align with director Craig William Macneill’s finished feature. How about Lizzie and Bridget’s sexuality – was that explored as deeply as you had hoped?  

I think when I said that I was more talking about the process because we had been through so many different incarnations of the script. Things were changing even until the last moment. It’s the power of the edit, things you have to let go of. There was more between our relationship, kind of questioning it, and deciding she doesn’t want to go any further and then coming back. And probably in the overall course of watching the movie it would’ve muddled things, so you kind of have to accept in the edits how things work and how some things don’t, and that’s just the process of filming.

There’s an intimate scene where Bridget and Lizzie almost kiss, but trepidation holds them back. How were you reading Lizzie in that moment? 

She was starved for recognition; she just wanted to be seen as she was and she felt really that she didn’t have a voice, and I think she wasn’t valued by her family or her community and she found somebody who valued her and could hear her and who wanted to listen to her and talk to her. There was so much physical attraction between them, but also just what that person was for her. She was on a quest for freedom, and she goes to the most extreme thing you can do and in the end kind of loses it all.

As someone who’s known for her queer roles, when you get stopped by an LGBTQ person on the street, which film do they tend to most recognize you from? 

Boys Don’t Cry, for sure. They say every actor has one thing that they get recognized or known for, and for me it’s Kids, but from the gay community it’s probably Boys Don’t Cry. I think there are just a lot of reference for that movie and it meant a lot to a lot of people.

Next year marks 20 years since Boys Don’t Cry. How do you reflect on the effect that movie had? 

Just like… I just think at that time when it came out there just wasn’t a lot of representation of that community, on screen or on television or anywhere – oh my god. So sensitive around this subject. (Laughs) I’m always like, I’m gonna get take down for anything I say – it’s just a hotbed. It feels like it’s almost hard to talk about this without feeling under the gun, for some reason. Because it’s like, you can’t say the right thing.

But I feel like it was important to the world. Not even one community in general. As far as building tolerance and acceptance and educating people and portraying a person and seeing the violence acted out against them and how heart-wrenching it is and humanizing a story, it was a really important thing to be a part of. I had read all the articles about Brandon Teena and was already obsessed with the story before being offered the audition and I wanted to be a part of telling that story.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/09/27/qa-actress-chloe-sevingny-is-still-drawn-to-outsiders/

[cynthiajayusa]

Q&A: Actress Chloë Sevigny is Still Drawn to Outsiders

Chloë Sevigny knows the power of words, so she’s very careful with them, warily tiptoeing to the end of an answer when asked about the influence of her seminal trans-landmark film Boys Don’t Cry. The 1999 dramatization of the murder of real-life Nebraskan transgender teen Brandon Teena (Hilary Swank) garnered the 43-year-old indie queen and style icon, who played Teena’s girlfriend, Lana Tisdel, an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

Director Larry Clark’s 1995 film Kids came first, with Sevigny portraying an HIV-positive teen. But Sevigny would go on to amass a body of LGBTQ films and roles, including  If These Walls Could Talk 2, Party Monster, Will & Grace and Broken Flowers, playing Jessica Lange’s lesbian assistant. In 2012, she portrayed trans contract killer Mia in the British miniseries Hit & Miss, a part she now says she’d pass on if it were offered to her today. (Actress Scarlett Johansson recently withdrew from playing a trans character in the forthcoming Rug & Tug after facing LGBTQ backlash.)

Currently, Sevigny stars in and co-produces Lizzie, featuring the actress’ first lead role in her 50-film career. The thriller explores infamous 19th-century alleged murderous Lizzie Borden through a queer lens, which, according to this version, goes like this: Lizzie (Sevigny), to rebuke the patriarch who’s getting in the way of her romantic pursuit of maid Bridget Sullivan (Kristen Stewart), slaughters her father and stepmother with an ax. And so, Sevigny can now add “real-life killer lesbian” to her abundantly gay resume.

What has led you to so many LGBTQ characters? 

The marginalized, the misunderstood, the outcast – you know, I grew up super sensitive as a child, and my brother and I were pretty rebellious in a small town and were really into just questioning the status quo. I have a lot of older peers who are gay and knowing the struggle and what they fought through, and having so much respect and admiration for the times that they’ve lived through – not that the struggle is over by any means, but just the perspective that I think gets lost. Post Trump, with all the conversations that are being had, and everyone’s like “oh god, it’s so horrible; I can’t watch the news,” but thank god everyone is talking about how political the systems are. I really feel like change is happening.

Why do you think you didn’t experience the same backlash that Scarlett Johansson did for signing on to play a trans role? 

It was just a different time then. When they came to me with that role I said, “I don’t understand why you don’t cast a real trans person,” and they said, “We can’t get the funding because we can’t find anyone that has a big enough name, in all honesty.” And I just felt like it was an important story to tell, and I loved the writing and I loved the creators and I wanted to be a part of it. If that opportunity came to me today, I would pass, for sure, 100 percent. It was just, unfortunately, what was acceptable then. I think it wasn’t as challenged, and it should be.

What are your thoughts on whether LGBTQ actors should exclusively be playing LGBTQ roles? And with that in mind, how did you approach Lizzie’s sexuality?  

Well, I want to respect (the community) and their stories and who they are as people, and I feel like (Lizzie and Bridget’s) love was born out of the confines of the environment they were in at the time; they were looking for escape in one another. I feel like it’s kind of beyond the boundaries of queer, straight, you know?

We had a good writer, we had lots of out cast members who really respected the story and wanted to be a part of telling it, and I admire them all for being out and for coming forward and supporting the project. I mean, I feel if gay men or women can play straight, I don’t know (laughs) if it’s fair to do the reverse. But I just hope that there’s more opportunities, for everyone – especially the people who are marginalized.

Did it mean something to you to have someone who is not heterosexual, Kristen Stewart, play Bridget, who is also not heterosexual? 

It… did. But she was also my first choice just as an actor, not the person. I have so much respect for her choices, and I could go on and on about her performances, but I like her persona. For me, I’ve always been attracted to directors or other actors that I feel like have more than just that going on – that aren’t just, like, theater nerds (laughs). Not that there’s anything wrong with theater nerds! But I feel like she really represents something to a lot of generations, with Twilight and beyond.

You’ve said what you had in mind for this film didn’t align with director Craig William Macneill’s finished feature. How about Lizzie and Bridget’s sexuality – was that explored as deeply as you had hoped?  

I think when I said that I was more talking about the process because we had been through so many different incarnations of the script. Things were changing even until the last moment. It’s the power of the edit, things you have to let go of. There was more between our relationship, kind of questioning it, and deciding she doesn’t want to go any further and then coming back. And probably in the overall course of watching the movie it would’ve muddled things, so you kind of have to accept in the edits how things work and how some things don’t, and that’s just the process of filming.

There’s an intimate scene where Bridget and Lizzie almost kiss, but trepidation holds them back. How were you reading Lizzie in that moment? 

She was starved for recognition; she just wanted to be seen as she was and she felt really that she didn’t have a voice, and I think she wasn’t valued by her family or her community and she found somebody who valued her and could hear her and who wanted to listen to her and talk to her. There was so much physical attraction between them, but also just what that person was for her. She was on a quest for freedom, and she goes to the most extreme thing you can do and in the end kind of loses it all.

As someone who’s known for her queer roles, when you get stopped by an LGBTQ person on the street, which film do they tend to most recognize you from? 

Boys Don’t Cry, for sure. They say every actor has one thing that they get recognized or known for, and for me it’s Kids, but from the gay community it’s probably Boys Don’t Cry. I think there are just a lot of reference for that movie and it meant a lot to a lot of people.

Next year marks 20 years since Boys Don’t Cry. How do you reflect on the effect that movie had? 

Just like… I just think at that time when it came out there just wasn’t a lot of representation of that community, on screen or on television or anywhere – oh my god. So sensitive around this subject. (Laughs) I’m always like, I’m gonna get take down for anything I say – it’s just a hotbed. It feels like it’s almost hard to talk about this without feeling under the gun, for some reason. Because it’s like, you can’t say the right thing.

But I feel like it was important to the world. Not even one community in general. As far as building tolerance and acceptance and educating people and portraying a person and seeing the violence acted out against them and how heart-wrenching it is and humanizing a story, it was a really important thing to be a part of. I had read all the articles about Brandon Teena and was already obsessed with the story before being offered the audition and I wanted to be a part of telling that story.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/09/27/qa-actress-chloe-sevingny-is-still-drawn-to-outsiders/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/09/q-actress-chloe-sevigny-is-still-drawn.html

[droidsandewoks]

Our Favourite Movies by the 2017 Sundance Film Festival

Sundance this year was full of virtual reality, protest marches, and times and times (and times) of snow. But you watch a whole lot of movies, while you visit a movie festival, and we watched an eclectic collection of names across genres and all types. Dramas set from stories of an Brooklyn invasion, the Deep South, also among the strangest supernatural movies ever made… there was a whole lot to consider in. Below are our favorite movies from this season’s Sundance Film Festival.

Andrew Droz Palermo / Sundance Institute

A Ghost Story

As soon as I walked into David Lowery’s A Ghost Story, I had no idea what to expect. I understood it was taken in secret; I understood that it showcased Rooney Mara; also I understood Casey Affleck played with a character who shows up as a ghost dressed in a white sheet and dies. I discovered that it was beautifully shot and fascinating after the film began. I then discovered it to be using a wordless scene that stretched on for a minimum of 10 minutes. I then discovered it for a pretty ingenious source narrative about a poltergeist haunting. And then, following the film had gotten more bizarre, stranger, more and more evocative than I could have ever anticipated, I recognized that it was a beautiful ode to loneliness, loss, along with the fierce courage it takes for us faulty human beings to accept fate and move on when disaster strikes.

Walking out of the theatre then, I wouldn’t’ve said I enjoyed it. But from the days I awakened that I & rsquo; m pretty certain was inspired by the movie, as well as & rsquo; t talked with coworkers returned to its beauty in my mind. A Ghost Story has stuck with me in the most rare and rare of manners, and the most impressive thing about the movie is that each time I think back into it, I discover some new component to enjoy. –Bryan Bishop

Christian Sprenger / Sundance Institute

Brigsby Bear

I’t composed about this one already, so I won’t go into much detail here, except to say that this winning comedy, starring Saturday Night Live’s Kyle Mooney, completely surprised me. I’d see a description and I believed I understood what it was about — doofus loves kids’ TV series and so is obsessed with re-creating it — before the film started. And I wondered when I had the picture, because I was enjoying the discovery process, however I didn & rsquo; t care. This is among these debuts that makes people think “I have to keep your eye on this group longterm and find out where they go out of here. ” Director Dave McCary and co-writer Kevin Costello (who scripted with Mooney) have been friends since childhood, and this feels like the kind of job the founders have been working on a long time — long enough to tweak each part of the narrative until it hums. –Tasha Robinson

Sundance Film Festival

Bushwick

I watched one picture — as in 1 flat-screen, feature-length film. It was called Bushwick, also it was similar to the last iteration of the current“Should you punch Nazis? ” debate, except it was & ldquo; Should you get if you’re a student with neo-Confederates who’ve invaded Brooklyn into a guerrilla warfare along with an ex-Marine played with Dave Bautista? ” (The response: “Possibly? ”-RRB- Long story short: my search results are now full of & “brooklyn militia” & &;ldquo;rifle permit laws nyc” also I think possibly I took the wrong message out of this picture.

Luckily, I additionally watched almost every single digital reality experience at Sundance, also wrote up a guide to the finest of this festival earlier this week. It features Dear Angelica, also a movie about fiction and death written as a dreamy three-dimensional painting; Life of Us, also a lively two-person travel through the development of life on Earth; along with Mindshow, also a theatre where you act out the role of each character, and then loop them all together to tell a tale. VR still hasn’t come into its own quite yet, however there was a whole lot to appreciate about 2017’s slate, and hopefully it will be accessible to everybody by the end of the year. —Adi Robertson

Sundance Institute

Phone Me From Your Name

I hadn’t see Phone Me From Your Title before I watched the movie adaptation by director Luca Guadagnino (A Bigger Splash, I’m Love). I was surprised to listen to the publication, composed by André Aciman, was published in 2007. The narrative of a 17-year-old American-Italian boy decreasing for the 24-year-old man seeing with his parents’ Italian summer house has a classic’s richness, sincerity, and maturity. I suppose that the 1980s setting — the ample chest hair, that the slang, the group tees — ought to have given it off.

This is a pure love movie, which is to say, unlike much of Egyptian dramas about homosexual relationships, Phone Me From Your Title doesn’t quickly morph into a tragic drama where the pair battles a bigoted outside drive, or conceal their affair from an homophobic public. It’s an immediate and profoundly upsetting story of summer love, performed with Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer using a chemistry that’s pretty magnificent. The picture is hot mature, andfeatures songs out of Sufjan Stevens. Decades from now, I believe this movie will be described by film critics for what it is: a classic. –Chris Plante

Elisha Christian / Sundance Institute

Columbus

Back in 2014 we praised Kogonada’s video experiments that analyze the visual structure and fashion of iconic movies. Columbus marks the manager’s transition from singer to incorporate filmmaker. Its title refers to Columbus, Indiana, a Midwest city that’s house to a wealth of contemporary architecture, a couple of factories, along with a defeated young girl named Casey (Haley Lu Richardson). Putting off college to care for her in-recovery mum, Casey spends practicing her tour guide regular and shelving books at a library.

This is a coming-of-age movie, so that the crowd has a general idea of where most of this is moving — who’s hospitalized and on the cusp of passing — when Casey meets a 24-year-old translator seeing his architect dad, Jin. But the characters bond, learn from one another, also specify a path into the near future is modest and sincereso. There isn& rsquo; t a treacly soundtrack of a plot spin that is revelatory and also pop , two wounded individuals gradually revealing themselves. The movie makes a case for architecture’s healing properties, but might equally well be speaking to movie. Columbus is a feel-good film, as it takes our ordinary anxieties and, scene by scene, so soothes them. –Chris Plante

Jojo Whilden / Sundance Institute

Landline

Landline is Gillian Robespierre’s follow-up into the amazing 2014 dramedy Obvious Child. Just like its predecessor, it celebrities this time as Dana, Jenny Slate, also a 20-something with a quarter-life catastrophe in mid-and -lsquo;90s New York City. Robespierre has an eye for the moments that build a life rsquo & the movieplay about infidelity plays out in miniature, moments that are recognizable, like a vague memory of something from your own childhood.

The title refers to the phones of the era, which onto kitchen walls were wrapped at the time. This point for technology in our life is a character unto itself. Slate’s suspicions regarding her dad stem from a set of poems discovered on a floppy disc. Characters aren’t have to check in by feeding turn right into a telephone booth, and reachable from relations that are omnipresent. These particulars highlight things change as occurs with powerful time pieces, however, people remain the same. –Chris Plante

Steve Dietl / Sundance Institute

Mudbound

Occasionally a festival crowd hits and the standing ovation and the minute that the credits roll begins, you are aware that you’t seen something particular. This was the experience I’ve had watching Dee Rees’Mudbound, a rough and moving tale of two families in racially divided Mississippi. Set during World War II, the movie stars Jason Clarke and Carey Mulligan as Henry and Laura McAllan, who have lately jumped into a farm they’ve. Sharecropping on the exact same territory are Hap and Florence Jackson (a great Rob Morgan and Mary J. Blige), who are trying to carve out their own little independence — while also coping with constant guilt and racism, frequently from Henry’s dad (Breaking Bad’s Jonathan Banks).

What sets the movie apart is the way that it investigates the wartime adventures of Henry’so brother, also a swaggering Garrett Hedlund, and Hap’s kid, Ronsel (Jason Mitchell). Both characters wind up working in World War II, which gives them the opportunity to step outside the pervasive and systemic class. When they return, they wind up forming a bond — not just because they’re both suffering from the trauma of warfare, but because they feel trapped at system and a country of beliefs that have come to be untenable. The fact that Rees is able to finish her story despite some of the horrors that the characters endure, make it essential viewing. –Bryan Bishop

Andrei Bowden Schwartz / Sundance Institute

The Polka King

The Polka King is just one of the based-on-a-true-story movies that shut with news and footage clips in the real-world events, not for that the usual sentimental or manipulative reasons, however as it’s most probably that few individuals would believe the story was true without onscreen evidence. Jack Black stars as Jan Lewan, an upbeat Polish soldier that builds a polka band, begins a tchotchke shop, marries former small-time beauty queen Marla (Obvious Child’therefore Jenny Slate), also works odd jobs, trying to collect the money to create himself a small empire. He’s got large dreams that his small American earnings may’t match, so in the process, unwittingly, promising high returns — and he begins soliciting investments out of his lovers creating a Ponzi scheme that is doomed.

Many of the details that are more unlikely are true, however Black & rsquo; so large, flashy performance, complete with English, bizarre accent, along with polka numbers, lays this squarely in the domain of humor. The Polka King has a lot in common with Bernie, Richard Linklater’s true-life narrative about a beloved Texas mortician (also played by Black) who murders his possessive benefactor and shoves her in the freezer. Both movies are dark hit stories regarding fixtures that are local that are cheery who betray their friends, but encounter as scamps. But Polka King is broader, more manic, and more ridiculous, and it’s consistently great fun. –Tasha Robinson

Gilles Mingasson / Sundance Institute

78/52

The first time that I watched Alfred Hitchcock’therefore Psycho,it was on a VHS cassette I’d rented from the regional public library (oh, the excellent old times). It was outdated by modern standards then, but the movie; t stop from leaving an impression. The image of Anthony Perkins looking directly into the camera lens in the film’s final moments was what stuck with mepersonally, but the spectacle that set up that terror in the first place was that the film’s shower chain.

This shot from Alexandre Philippe (The People vs. George Lucas) takes its name from the 78 camera setups and 52 cuts used to create the scene, also brings together directors, editors, critics, and Hitchcock scholars to break down it. They talk the cultural climate at the moment, what taboos were being broken, and how this 1 sequence utterly changed the way movies were assembled. This isn’t a movie. It sputters out with no definitive ending, and the larger issue of rsquo & Hitchcockrepresentation of girls in his movies is left unaffected — something that feels to be an oversight. But 78/52 nevertheless pushed all of my film school programs, and reminded me why a picture made nearly 60 years ago is still so important. –Bryan Bishop

Gilles Mingasson / Sundance Institute

To The Bone

Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s Marti Noxon heavily based her directorial debut on her own teenage experiences with anorexia, and it shows in the details. It isn“ rexy & rdquo & rsquo; t only the educated, intimate details concerning tricks like food and spitting it out. It isn’t only the realism of this pride anorexics feel at maintaining even the interpersonal bonds, or control they form around encouraging each other through the illness. It’s in the honest yet sympathetically created characters. It’d be easy for a picture on this topic to sense like an afterschool special, however Noxon makes it feel important by making it tough and uncompromising, and evoking what Pop feels like from the inside just as much as what it looks like in the outside.

Lily Collins gives a totally amazing performance as 20-year-old anorexic Ellen, who’s attaining a crucial point of meltdown because she builds a cynical wall around herself, refusing to cooperate with therapy, regardless of the way her half-sister Kelly (Liana Liberato, too excellent) cajoles her, or her delicate stepmother Susan (Carrie Preston) pushes her. So many standard things happen in this picture — Susan gets Ellen into a program with an unconventional, rules-challenging physician (Keanu Reeves, the movie’s just horizontal view); Ellen meets a wryly funny recovering-anorexic boy (Alex Sharp) and begins a tentative love; Ellen has a devastating family-therapy session at which the origins of her anxiety and anger are shown. But Noxon requires none of those threads from the tap directions. Instead, she makes it very clear that Ellen can&rsquo. She must do it herself. at Sundance, so audiences should be in a position to discover how well she handles that goal soon enough. —Tasha Robinson

from droidsandewoks http://www.droidsandewoks.com/our-favourite-movies-by-the-2017-sundance-film-festival/