#I think I’m comfortable in my misery because it’s all ik

[richiehateshimself]

I don’t really feel like getting better

[websterss]

TWO LOVEBIRDS  — ETHAN LANDRY

REQUEST: highkey just wanna go on a lil date with ethan. i'm guessing he doesn't have much experience with girls but him being nervous would be so 🤭you would've asked him out to satisfy your friends considering you talked about him a lot, not realising he'd say yes. that made you incredibly nervous but i feel like the date would either be a movie (cliche ik) or bowling. maybe a group date? but the rest of group would let you sit alone with ethan to talk to him about star wars or something nerdy. just kissing his cheek before getting off the subway and thanking him for a fun night. crying 

WARNING(S): Umm, lots of cussing, fluff. SPOILERS?? I don’t know if this has spoilers honestly.

WORD COUNT: 2,867

PAIRING: Ethan Landry x fem!Reader    

A/N: Hope you enjoy it! Char’s gonna give me shit cause I don’t know much about star wars. Also I didn’t do the subway scene. Feedback is always welcomed!

MASTERLIST

“You’re gonna join us for bowling tonight right?” You snapped your head up at Chad who threw a knowing smirk your way. You roll your eyes, fixating your attention back onto your term paper. 

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.” You let out a laugh at his bluntness. 

“Great!” You emit a laugh of amusement.

“Find a date yet?” This shook your core as your paper was now long forgotten. Your jaw slacked open in shock.

“Date? What do you mean date?” You sat up straighter in your chair. “No one said anything about dates!” 

“Are you fucking with me?” Chad’s shoulder fell in disbelief. “I got Tara. Sam’s bringing Danny. Mindy and Anika are coming together. Quinn’s bound to bring along some new arm candy. That just leaves you...” He trailed off in a wince. “And Ethan.”

“But I’m not- Wait he’s going, what the fuck why wasn’t I informed about this?” You quirk an eyebrow at him. 

“Cause we know how you get when he’s around. We wanted to ease you into it tonight.” He laughed at you as you grew all flustered. You looked back down at your paper. “Would it kill you to ask him out? Put him out of his misery.” You glance up with a timid glint in your eyes. You find interest in fiddling with the rings on your fingers. Spinning them in a circle to relieve you of this specific conversation you try to avoid. “Mindy still has her obvious suspicions about him. But after rooming with the nerd for months. He checks out okay. I think he’d be good for you.” He reached out to place a comforting hand over your own. “I think it’s time you let yourself have some fun. I know you should...” Then came the dreaded words he hesitated to say. “Wes would too.” 

Your eyes meet him for a brief moment. The odds of a repeat from those last ten months were odd. Yet upon losing Wes, you put off any sort of dating. Especially with guy’s you hardly met, yet still conjured up a crush on. Who was to say that this wouldn’t turn out to be a good thing though. Maybe letting loose for once would be good. Just maybe. You weighed your options as you bit your bottom lip. 

“Come on...I see those knobs turning. You know you want to...” He sing songed.

“You don’t know what I want.” You pushed his hand away playfully. 

“Don’t have to. You’re doing that thing-” He gestured to his lips. “It’s your tell.”

“My tell...Okay!” You raised your hands up in defense. 

“So you’re gonna ask him. Before tonight.”

“Well I-”

“Great because he’s coming this way right now...Hey Ethan over here!” Your eyes grew as Chad waved him down.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” You ducked, trying to hide your flustered state. 

“Hey guys...” Ethan's charming smile graced you. God that fucking smile did things to you. 

“That’s my cue-” Chad pointed in the opposite direction and stood up from his chair. “Hey buddy, what’s up? How about you take my seat, yeah. I gotta run anyway.” Chad gestured over his thumb, then made Ethan plop down right in right of you. He huffed from the firm hand on his shoulder.

“Chad-” You begin to pull at his sleeve.

“Y/n has a very important question to ask you by the way. Okay, you two have a wonderful rest of your remaining classes, alright. See you tonight bud!” Chad pointed at Ethan in his dismissal.

“Tonight? What’s tonight?” Ethan questioned with confusion written over his face. 

“You didn’t fucking invite him- Chad! Son of a bitch...” You call after him, as he throws a shit eating grin your way. His thumbs up doing nothing to comfort you in any shape or form. You close your eyes, then glance back at Ethan, who seemed too pure for this world as the corners up his lips lifted into a faint smile. You breathed out a nervous laugh as you sat up tall again. You placed your elbows on the table as you tapped your fingers in a rhythmic pattern on the tabletop.

“You wanted to- ask me something?” He nodded, recalling Chad’s words.

“Yeah I did...” You daze off not wanting to meet his gaze just yet. “I do!” You exclaim quickly. “God I’m not good at this...” You throw your head back as if the ceiling was going to provide you with some answers...and hopefully even the strength. Rather more...have the balls to ask Chad’s cute ass roomate out on a date because heavens know you didn’t have them.

“You think I’m cute?” Your heart and soul freeze up. Your head moves back down, shock didn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling.

“Did I say that out loud?” Your chest rises and falls.

“I could lie and say no...” He shrugs. He shrugged, he fucking shrugged. He wasn’t teasing you or giving you shit. He just fucking shrugged, offering to lie to save your remaining dignity. At this point you either went all in, or you grabbed your things and got the hell out of there. Sadly you were glued to your chair.

“I do think you’re cute- hot actually. Like in that nerdy attractive type of way, and you’re fucking tall, which is honestly an added bonus to be honest. Holy fuck okay-” Your palms now laid flat on the table. “I’m honestly not surprised Chad hasn't invited you yet. I think this was his plan...to finally have me ask you out on a date.”

“You-” Ethan begins. His eyes soften.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while now, yeah!” You answer his question. “Were going bowling tonight in case you were wondering.” You inquire. “I’m not that great, but I magically get a strike every once and a while, are you any good at bowling?” Your question catches him off guard. He’s still trying to process the fact that the girl he likes just asked him out, and you have yet to let him say yes.

“I think I’m okay.” He laughs out.

“Okay great you’re on my team then.” You nod. You tap and tap and tap your fingers on the tabletop. Hoping the silence that weighed over you like pressure fated, but you both didn’t know what to do. You poured out inner most thoughts out of impulse. No self control, just flat out admitted to your consciousness thought. Good thing you didn’t blurt out the fact you like to imagine it was him as you touched-

“Holy shit, okay!” Ethan readjusted himself in his seat. Mouth agape. His face was beet red at this point. 

“Did I say that out lo-”

“Yup, you did!” He chewed on his lips, as he shook his head with his eyes closed shut. “That’s an image I will not be able to get out of my head...” He mutters out slowly. 

“I’m gonna shut up now.” You facepalm yourself. 

Ethan couldn’t believe this was happening. Let alone half the shit you just admitted to him. Yet as his eyes fell on your embarrassed state. He couldn’t help the beaming smile on his face. He shook his head in amusement. He leaned closer. Placing his elbows on the table as he leaned over half the table now. “Yes...my answers yes by the way.”

You pull down your hands. The slightest peek of your eyes meeting his coy smirk and the mischievous glint in his eyes. “Wait really? I thought I totally just blew it.” You breathe a laugh out.

“No, not with me. Though I don’t think you should tell the next guy after me that you like to touch yo-”

“Yeah, yeah okay! Point taken.” You waved him off. You meet in the middle, with beaming chuckles and giggles. “Though you got one thing wrong...”

“What’s that?”

“There’s no one else- after you that is, if this doesn’t work. Just you...” You shrug nonchalantly.

“Just me?” He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. He doesn’t miss the obvious glance at his arms.

“Just you.” You nod. You both glance away from each other. Growing timid under the others lingering gaze. Though it’s not till Ethan gently brushes his finger against the top of your fingertip, just faintly enough you can’t miss it, that you slowly follow the buttons of his shirt, up to his awaiting gaze. 

“You wanna get lunch with me?” He lets out softly. An awaiting lapse of hope falls behind those two brown eyes of his. Your mind was already made up at this point.

“Yeah, I’d loved to.” You give a firm nod, then begin to gather up your things. Your paper would have to be finished later on in the evening, or during the weekend. As you place your laptop back into your bag, and zip it up, Ethan stands up and offers to carry it.

“Here let me...” His signature grin decorated his face again.

“Sure you can carry two bags?” You tease, as he swings your book bag over his left shoulder. 

“You did not just say that.” He mocks hurt as you walk out of the study room you requested to be in.

-

Night came around quicker than you would have expected. You and the group had taken the subway to head on over to the bowling alley many classmates suggested to go to. Seeing as you had never done atomic bowling. The group decided to head on around 9 to let you have the experience of bowling in the dark. You thought it had been a sweet gesture on their part. Your eyes grew with excitement seeing the lights turned off, and the monitors playing music videos. The glow in the dark theme satisfied your inner child. 

Now you were seated in a booth, laughing about something Ethan was whispering in your ear, well at least from what Chad could tell. His staring caught the others attention, they too now engrossed in the happy pair on a date.

“Okay when did that happen?” Tara scoffed in disbelief, but the smile painted on his face told the group she wasn’t anything other than happy for you two.

“That would be my doing.” Chad bowed for his friends.

“You did that, when?” Tara slapped his shoulder.

“Mmm...Today.” He shrugged then flinched back to avoid another smack from her. “Look, she was hesitant to ask him out. I just gave her that extra push.” He raised his hand up in surrender. Then gestured at the two of you with open palms. “Come on...you can’t tell me that they don’t look good together.” You had thrown your head back in fits of giggles. Ethan watches you with admiration and a longing gaze.

“They do look cute together.” Sam chimed in, then glanced down at Danny, whose lap she sat in. Mindy’s scoff fell through the air though, all eyes fell onto her now.

“I still don’t trust the guy.”

“I course you don’t.” Chad shook his head. “You and your rules.”

“Hello! It’s basic horror movies 101 shit. Never trust the love interest.” Mindy gestured to Ethan resting his arm over the back of your head of the booth. “We’ve only known him for how long? Trust me there’s something about him.”

“Yeah...my roommate likes our friend!” Chad gestured to you. “When’s the last time you’ve seen her smile like that. Heard her laugh. It’s been too fucking long. She’s happy, she’s letting go. Moving on from Wes!” He reminded her with a frown. “Let her have this Mindy. Can we leave the two lovebirds alone now and enjoy this wonderful time tonight. Danny, your turn, my man.” He picked up a ball and gestured it to him. Danny patted Sam’s thigh to let him get up. He took a swig of his beer then took the ball from his hands. “That’s what I’m talking about!” He slapped Danny’s back. The others chimed in with cheers and woops.

“Are those two ever gonna play?” Mindy gestured to you with the rim of her beer.

“Mindy, you added their names in last. There’s ten of us!” He jabbed at her. Then pointed to the screen on the overhead of their lane. The group turned to the monitor screen. Their eyes started from the top and trailed down all the way to the bottom. Yours and Ethan’s name mocking her. She winced.

Quinn Paul. Mindy Anika Chad Tara Danny Sam Y/n Ethan

“I don’t think they seem to mind it though. Look.” Quinn looked off from the monitor then gestured to Ethan, who leaned into your side further. His face hidden as he whispered in your ear.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Sam asked with a laugh.

“You wanna get out of here?” Tara chimed with a deep voice.

“Oh yes, Ethan. I’d love to!” Quinn said in a pitched tone. 

“That is not what they’re saying.” Sam rolled her eyes but couldn’t contain her laugh. 

“That is exactly what they’re saying!” Tara laughed.

-

“They’re staring at us.” He chuckled softly into your ear. Your smile only widened as you slowly turned towards him. Your eyes cast over to your friends then back to him.

“I know. They’ve been doing that since we sat down.”

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Ethan looked at his arm resting in front of you on the table.

“Probably trying to meddle their way into my love life.” You sigh as you lean back against the arm behind you. You glance over to them, and catch Mindy being the last to avert her eyes. “Though knowing Mindy, she’s still trying to scope you out.” Your heart feels wounded seeing his happy demeanor shift into one of doubt.

“She doesn’t like me very much does she?” He emits a nervous chuckle.

“No, it’s not that. She’s just a bit cautious about letting in new party members. Trust me, she’ll get over it once you get to know her. Once she gets to know you. Trust me okay. You have nothing to worry about.” You reassure him. He dips his head then picks it right back up. His eyes flicker down to your lips then your eyes.

“I trust you.”

“Good, I’d worry if you didn’t.” You hum, taking the opening to let your fingers caress over his lightly, just like he’d done so back in the study room. He chuckles then initiates your hands holding. Your right thumb and his left begin the ultimate thumb war. You both fight to the finish not wanting to lose. 

“You’re cheating!”

“You’re cheating!”

-

“Gross...” Mindy takes a sip of her beer.

“What? It’s cute.” Tara slacks her jaw in shock.

“What are they five? A thumb war, really?” Mindy evaluates and gives her opinion as though this was a scary movie she was critiquing for the poor acting of the clueless character who couldn’t clearly sense the presence of the killer creeping up behind her. 

“Mindy!” Chad sucks his teeth.

“Hey!” She pouts. “I’m just saying. Shouldn’t they be kissing instead of a thumb war or something? I can’t give my two cents now, but fine, it’s none of my business. To each their own I guess.”

“You’re unbelievable you know that, and quit fucking staring.” Chad greets his teeth as he calls her out.

“Like you fuckers weren’t all doing it earlier.”

“Well, we’re not anymore...so quit it. Alright, who's next? There will be a victor tonight and I’m making sure of it.” Chad clasped his hands together.

“That would be the love birds...who are about to kiss, holy shit. I knew it!” Mindy pointed to the cheesy movie scene happening a booth down from the group. They all whipped their heads around in time to watch a love story in the making. Their hearts warming as a nervous Ethan leaned in, gently planting a slow kiss on you. Chad whistled low enough so you wouldn’t hear him. He placed a hand over where his heart lay. 

“That’s what I’m talking about people. Thank you god! I knew that kid had fucking game. Am I a matchmaker in the making or what?”

“Or something...” Mindy snickered. Chad frowned and flipped her off.

“Fuck you, Mindy!”

“Fuck you, Chad!”

“So who’s gonna go break them up...” Anika gave her two seconds of still being present in the moment. All heads looked back, watching as you and Ethan were too engrossed in each other's arms...and mouths. One hand locked into Ethan’s curls as he cupped one side of your face. Chad looked away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Not it!”

“Not it!” “Not it!” “Not it!” “Not it!” 

“Not it!” “Not it!”

“Shit!” Chad cursed. He looked back to your heavy but slow make out session, then to the monitor. A flash present over your name to indicate that it was your turn. “Anyone want an extra turn?” He clasped his hands. Two hands, Tara’s and Sam’s flew up, willing to fill in for the two clearly horny teenagers a booth down. 

[admirxation]

in that case... something nsfw with soldier boy? i was thinking him being a dom but then getting more sub as things go if it makes sense? 😏

Heya anon! Thank you so much for the request, I hope this lives up to your expectations. Love Soldier Boy sm so I’m glad I got to write for him !

Everyone that likes it, please like and reblog (it rlly helps) and if you're interested maybe read some more of my stuff? click here for masterlist.

Also, I have a Kofi, if anyone is willing to donate the link is here (you don't have to donate ik this economy is awful) <3

Dynamic Change | Soldier Boy one shot request

Pairing: Soldier boy x fem!reader (afab)

Summary: Soldier Boy is the answer to stop Homelander, Butcher's secret weapon, to get his revenge. While you're sceptical of this idea — sharing M.M’s concerns — you decide to just roll with the punches and see what happens. While waiting for Butcher and Hughie, you have to sit around and catch Soldier Boy up with the 21st century and try to keep him happy, convincing him to partner up and heal from his team's betrayal — but soldier boy notices something in you and wants to change the subject.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: NSFW 18+, so MINORS DNI. Female anatomy is used for the reader, and she/her pronouns and the reader is similar to Kimiko with enhanced strength because of compound v experiments. Detailed smut: dominance and submission (m starts dom and switches), pinning up against the wall, dirty talk, neck kissing, neck biting, thigh fucking, hair pulling, pushing to the bed with enhanced strength, f on top, p in v, cumming inside and begging.

As the evening sun cast a long shadow across the room, Soldier Boy sat in the bed and was dumbfounded at this strange and unique experience. He was a relic of the past; disorientated and confused, he found himself surrounded by an unfamiliar world of technology and societal changes. 

He was the key to Butcher’s new plan, the weapon to use against Homelander, but the one thing that was in his way was that Soldier Boy wasn’t complying with the “team up”. You, like M.M., were sceptical of all of this; could you really trust a supe to destroy another? Especially when looking at his history. But this feeling didn’t last long; you decided that this was the only option to get revenge that everyone was craving — to get Homelander to suffer finally. 

You were sitting on the sofa waiting for Butcher and Hughie to return; they told you they were running a few errands, which you knew meant ‘he’s your problem until we get back’. It wasn’t like you were in a vulnerable position, especially with the compound V that coursed through your veins and was the catalyst for your misery. It was something you and Kimiko could relate to; after learning her variation of sign language, you became closer and became each other’s comfort; you were similar to her in having enhanced strength, and this was another key component to the team — after Butcher was comfortable enough to accept you. After all, he couldn’t say no to extra manpower, especially when going against the worst villains. 

You looked to your side to look at Soldier Boy holding an empty bottle as he watched the television; he seemed to be in a sense of comfort but also tense with trying to understand the new world. Every joke that happened, every bit of news and culture change was swirling through his mind; you felt bad for him and wondered what it would be like to be in his shoes — frozen and betrayed. This sympathy lasted until his intolerance slowly emerged; you tried to ignore him and understand that he was literally from a different time. Your modern presumptions were unfair, but that was still a hard pill to swallow.

“What the fuck is that?” he questioned with an exclamatory tone. 

“What? The guy with his baby?”

You were watching the adverts, which showed a device a man could use to have his baby close to him, to help fathers. 

“That’s what being manly is now?” he took another sip of his new and fresh bottle, “Man, you lot went soft.”

You rolled your eyes, trying not to rock the boat too hard. You didn’t want to have to answer to Butcher if you ruined all his plans. You had powers but were still intimidated by Butcher; after getting into trouble with Vought, you didn’t want to face the future alone without your team.

“Just a man wanting to be with his baby… Probably helps the wife out as well,” you paused momentarily, “I know it’s a shock, but we don’t live in the detergent commercial anymore; things changed.”

Soldier Boy furrowed his brows, looking at you with a confused expression. 

“Personally, I think it’s sweet to see a man care that much about his child; it shows he doesn’t want to leave the mother and the child,” you felt the need to stand up for your beliefs around him. 

Soldier Boy started to look away from you and thought about your words; you could tell he was slowly seeing your point while thinking he couldn’t be caught wearing the contraption. He knew that being frozen didn’t damage his intelligence. 

“I know what you mean… I always wanted children.”

You were surprised; the Soldier Boy wanted children; he seemed like the player that would never properly settle down with anyone; you also felt a strange feeling with acknowledging that this was the beginning of Soldier Boy being vulnerable with you, wanting to break some barriers. 

“Really, Soldier Boy, wanting children… Don’t take offence, but I never thought about that.”

“I don’t take offence,” he paused momentarily, “Also, just call me Ben… I know you by Y/N, not your hero name.”

“I don’t have one.”

“What? But —”

“Forced to have it,” you took a deep breath, “I didn’t get the opportunity to choose; I was experimented on.”

“Wow,” he had to process what you said, “I’m sorry… That must have been hard.”

“It was, but at least I can protect myself now.”

Ben was already accustomed to your powers. He wasn’t impressed by them but was glad to see someone without a costume on, someone grounded; still, he had sympathy with knowing that his powers were on his terms while you were the guinea pig — at least a surviving one. 

“Guess that guy was right… I can’t find my team without the knowledge of today.”

“Yeah, Hughie was right,” you started to get up from the sofa, “Look, I don’t want to rock the boat, but —”

Ben cut you off: “Then don’t, already told that Hughie, Butcher and now I’m going to tell you… I’m not interested in helping anyone; I don’t care what you did for me… My old team used to be there for me and look where trusting them got me… Handed to the reds.” 

“That was the past, we will help you, and all you have to do is add one more person to the list… We practically made Countess a human sacrifice for you, Hughie and Butcher have found the rest and Black Noir is a part of the Seven. Now we can —”

“Y’know, sweetheart, you might think having a team is a good thing; you get the job done, then you can laugh when the working day is over… Look, I’m sure you’re a great person, but one day, your team won’t see that. I see the way Butcher talks about people like us,” he motioned with his hands to sign you both, “He’ll make you bait in a plan one day. Get rid of you as mine did… Betray me and made me think they loved me.” 

Ben was momentarily lost in thought, and you could tell he was thinking about Crimson Countess. When you met her, you were with Frenchy and Kimiko; you felt sympathy for her after watching her pathetic little tribute to Soldier Boy; after she spoke, you honestly thought there was a reason for what she and the team did; you had gathered the puzzle pieces a long time ago after investigations and using Annie for information. Yes, Ben was stubborn, but for a good reason; if you were in the same shoes and had the boys betrayed you and left you dead for decades, forgiveness wouldn’t be on your list. 

“They wouldn’t do that to me; we’ve gotten into too much trouble together… Think we’re thick as thieves at this point,” you let out a small laugh to lighten the mood, “I know it hurts… Especially with Countess, but you need to help us… We need you.” 

“It’s hard to forget,” he let out a deep sigh, “Y’know I wanted some rugrats of my own, with Countess, yeah ain’t that a bitch…wanted a couple of little boys and raise them up to be men, now? Now I got nothing.” 

This man had lost everything, was confused and experimented on, and you could relate to him in those ways; after being forced away from home under the name of curiosity and needing to match the American supes, you were just the surviving sample. But to lose love and know that they felt nothing for you is a different type of hurt, and you didn’t want to imagine that.

“I’m sorry, but if you do change your mind,” he shot a sharp look at you, “if you change your mind. You can live your life, be free from suffering and find a woman you can have fun with… You don’t need Countess.”

You tried to give him support until you saw a mischievous smirk that crept on his face, and he looked you up and down, taking a step towards you which you mirrored by moving behind; you clenched your fingers into a fist as you had an idea of what that smirk meant, thinking in your mind that you were probably overreacting and that nothing would happen. Your back hit the cold wall, Ben still moving in your direction, his face inches away from yours and his arm moving to pin you up against the wall; you moved your face away from him to tell him you were uncomfortable with this through your body language — but his behaviour continued. 

“Maybe I want to have some fun with you, honey,” he whispered, sending shivers down your spine. 

While standing there, you were conflicted; you had heard the stories and shared the same hatred for the supe’s with too much power, but Ben seemed different. Granted, you didn’t know everything about him and weren’t around when he was at the peak of power, but you were attracted to him. How he looked at you, feeling his hot breath trail along your neck as you made you feel helpless under his touch. 

“Do you think that is a good idea?” you met his eyes when you asked. 

“If you want me to stop… Just say,” he whispered into your ear again. 

You didn’t want him to stop, it was a strange situation to be in, but you wanted to see where this would go; after all, Butcher and Hughie wouldn’t be back for ages, and this could be used as some fun for you and to get Soldier Boy on the team. 

“Thought so,” Ben then started to kiss your neck. 

You gasped under his lips touch, feeling his smirk now and again when he heard you whimper and felt your hand place on his bicep, showing that you loved what he was doing and that you didn’t want him to stop. It felt wrong after hearing the stories about him, but you couldn’t help the attraction you felt towards him and the sympathy built up from your conversations. You wanted to just forget about the past and melt into the current situation, enjoying every sensation and feeling that made you tingle with pleasure. 

“I knew you were a dirty girl,” you moaned a little as he bit your neck, leading to a gasp every time he bit down harder and harder to the point a mark was left on your neck. 

His fingers then wandered, grazing over the deep v-neck collar on your dress, sliding his fingers down your breast as he continued to leave hickies and get harder when hearing your moans and whimpers. 

“For someone that was frozen, you’re really good at this,” you muttered with your eyes shut and feeling the sensations Ben gave you. 

“Shut up and enjoy what I’m giving you,” you got wet with his words. 

His wandering hand then made its way down to where your dress ended, lifting it up to reveal your panties already submerged in a wet spot; this sent another shiver with anticipation running through your mind — trying to figure out what Ben wanted to do to you first. He moved his lips away from you and started to unbuckle his belt, leading his pants to drop to the ground and reveal his lower half. You looked down and saw his length, getting even wetter at the sight of it. 

“Like what you see, doll?” you nodded. 

Ben smirked at your compliance, continuing to leave hickies on the other side of your neck and positioning his cock in between your thighs, moving his hips with a back-and-forth motion and feeling your wet, clothed pussy on his member. Running his fingers through your hair and grabbing fistfuls, pulling it and making you wince now and again.

“I love how you’re such a little slut for me right now.”

You couldn’t get any words out with the pleasure you felt at that moment, the dominance and power Ben had over you, but while you were enjoying it, you wanted the dynamic to flip a little bit — have a taste of that dominance he gave you. 

“How about we change some things… I’m sure you will like it,” you offered as you pushed him away from you, gently putting your hands on his biceps again, seeing him beg for you with his cock in between your soft thighs. 

“Hm, guess I’ll allow it… What do you have in mind, sweetheart?” 

He moved away from you, wondering what was happening in your dirty little mind, trying to figure you out — failing in the multiple attempts of analysing how you looked at him. You stepped towards him, placing your hands on his shoulders and pushing him to the bed, your strength showing with the way the bedframe hit the wall and leaving a large crumbly dent in the wall. 

“Feisty… I like it,” you could tell Ben wanted more, liking how you were in control now. 

You started to take your dress off, slowly unclasping your bra and revealing your naked body by stripping your underwear down your legs, slowly moving on top of him to straddle and rub your wet centre against his hard cock. 

“Mmph, that feels good,” Ben started to shudder with this new feeling, a sensation he knew he would want more of. 

“Do you want to feel me?” you asked him, grinding on him even more as you awaited his answer. 

“Please, sweetheart, please.”

“Beg for it then.” 

You loved every minute of this, seeing him vulnerable but excited by what you were doing, the dynamic flipping and making him switch behaviour. 

“Oh, come on, sweetheart, let me have it… I’m starved for you.”

“More, baby.”

“Let me fuck you, please; I’m desperate to know how you feel… Come on, baby,” he was squirming while he begged.

You decided to let him have it, let him have some sort of dignity left as you hooved over and positioned your centre to let his cock inside of your wet hole. 

“Oh fuck,” Ben moaned. 

Finally, feeling your walls surround his cock. You smirked when seeing his smile, him closing his eyes to appreciate the moment; you started to bounce up and down on his dick and moan every time you went down for another stroke, your moans being harmonious with Bens and leading to a pool of pleasurable sounds bounce off the walls; it felt so good, and you could feel Ben want more. He put his hands on your hips, you pushing them away to drive him crazy. 

“Ah, ah, ah, don’t go touching.”

“Oh fuck, you’re so good at this,” he moaned again. 

He had many experiences before he was frozen with Countess and other women, but this was different. You were taking control, flipping the dynamic and letting him feel the pleasure while he was under your touch; different but still enjoyable to Ben. You moved your hands to either side of Ben’s head, your breasts lying on Ben’s chest as you continued to bounce and feel the joy fucking him was giving you. He was biting his lip, trying his best not the cum too fast, but this was getting futile the quicker you kept feeling each stroke; wanting to feel him release inside of you — a feeling you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Please let me cum; I’m dying over here… Please.”

You thought about it for a moment, giving a lick and nibble on Ben’s neck to leave him wriggling around in gratification. 

“Go ahead then,” smirking while talking. 

You continued to grind your hips up and down, only this time your hands were placed on Ben’s shoulders, shoving him down into the mattress; leaving bruise imprints on his skin. 

“Fuck,” Ben let out a loud and deep gasp. 

While feeling Ben’s warm release inside you, this was met with your mutual pleasure, trying to catch your breath as you processed everything that happened; your eyes still rolled to the back of your head as you felt every little bit of Ben’s cum warming inside of you, dripping out when you moved away and collapsed next to him. 

“That was amazing,” Ben said in between deep breaths, caressing your arm as he turned around to meet your face covered in a red dust of blush. 

“You can have more… If you join us.”

“How can I say no?” 

Authors note: I'm sorry this took so long, been busy with going out (having a fun time what can I say) as well as doing research for a current university project I'm working on. I hope this is good, if it isn't then... idk click off haha. If anyone has more requests please message me or submit (with user or as an anon idm). have a good day/evening <3

[m1ckeyb3rry]

KIRA’ S HERE 💪 W/ AN UPDATE

okay sooooooo i went to the gym today 🥳 so i normally do 3 incline for the treadmill and thought that i could handle going from 3 to 10 😭 stupid ik, 🫠 my legs are so sore and I’m slowly gonna build up now 😭 normally i would but i was feeling like extra awesome so….

I did weights too! Which I normally don’t do pretty proud of myself :D I did sets of squats + Russian twists w/ weights- then I did that 3 sets of one glute machine :) gotta grow that bootie 💪

And I did stretch 😌

And also pretty proud that i ordered this green drink w/ like spinach n shit ?? I hate greens so much omg- I honestly have the pallet of a toddler 🫠😭 It was pretty good though??? and I had wings for lunch ! I wanted a sandwich but im tryna stay away from carbs rn😭

Well this was my official first day of the rest of my life and came to tell you ��

hope you don’t mind me slipping in ur asks every now and then :3

HIII OMG YAYY UPDATE TIME!!

HAHA yess it’s def tough working up to it…when i first started i would only spend a couple of minutes at the 12 incline and the rest at 6-8ish?? doing it kind of in intervals where you disperse shorter bursts of the higher incline with a majority at a more comfortable incline might help you progress to being consistent at the higher incline quicker because it lets your body adjust without pushing it too hard 🤔 tbh there’s still days when i only go up to the 15 incline for like the first 5-10 mins and then spend the rest of my cardio time in like the 8-10 range so i can answer emails or asks on my phone because lowkey the treadmill is kinda boring sometimes 😭

AHHH I’M SO PROUD LOOK AT YOU GOOO you will be a weightlifting pro in no time 🤩 LMAOAOA omg that’s so real though glutes forever (side note but for the longest time my mother would get rdls [as in romanian deadlifts] confused with bbls so she’d be like “did you do your bbls at the gym today ☺️” and i’d just be like “well…close enough��they ARE building that area so 🤷🏻‍♀️” HAHA it’s actually insane though what working out your glutes will do for you!! it’ll help w incline walking too everything is so interconnected it’s crazy)

HOORAY stretching ftw hehe it’s my favorite part of my workout…idk if you’ve heard that one tik tok sound where that guy goes “it’s like a reward” but that’s literally my mindset 😩 like okay if i can do one more set of squats then i can go do yoga 🤩

THAT SOUNDS YUMMYYY and dw you’re not alone i am such a picky eater too but in weird ways??? like i can’t stand blueberries on their own but i can’t eat yogurt if i don’t put blueberries in it 😓 (another side note but a more relevant one…greek yogurt is like the number one post gym snack because it has sm protein without being super heavy!! i always put chia seeds flax seeds fruit and occasionally honey in mine but you can kinda experiment w what you like…provided you’re not allergic to milk or smth ofc) honestly i think a lot of it also comes down to preparation so even if you don’t like a food in one way (like spinach in a salad for example) you might like it prepared in a diff way (ex a smoothie) ☝🏻 sometimes we must be creative in order to get our nutrients in LOLOL worst comes to worst there’s no shame in busting out the blender 🤩

I HOPE IT DIDN’T FEEL TOO HORRIBLE OR RESTRICTIVE OR ANYTHING!! just remember everything in moderation even things that people are like “no if you eat this you will never lose weight blah blah” because that’s not actually true HAHA you can eat anything and lose weight — no food is inherently bad it’s just how you view it!! ofc some have more nutrients and keep you full for longer so that’s always good to consider but i remember when i was really trying to lose weight i would leave a little buffer so i could eat takis every night 😭 and i still lost weight even w that SO it is possible and def losing weight shouldn’t be a cause of misery or make you feel like you can’t eat anything at all!! there’s 100% a balance between choosing a healthier option and sometimes just realizing it’s okay to indulge every now and again too 🤫 especially because eating in moderation instead of cutting out completely is the best way to avoid binge eating!!

OMG PLEASE ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO DROP ASKS ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING whether it’s abt the gym or fandoms (as i’m sure you can tell i’m in quite a few myself 😰) or real life or wtvr 💖 i loveee talking to people HAHA truly the best part of tumblr is how interactive it is!!

[valleynix]

I haven’t done one of these in a while and I miss doing them SO HERE IT IS

1:

OKAY starting off strong

Oh how I missed this trauma 🙏 ANYWAYS I think the person here that is hugging reader is mother Miranda herself 👀 maybe it’s an apology for what she’ll to later on 🤯 or maybe to comfort them from that freak

2:

CASSANDRAAAAAAAAA I missed cass/reader moments SM

The fact that cass was the first person reader called out to because they know she’ll protect them (or even worse end their misery)

3:

This might just be the dimitrescus looking out for reader but I think Miranda is the one protect them (their mind) from the freak 👀

4:

OKAY MIGHT BE A REACH BUT what if because reader said this, Miranda put them in the megamycete to train them (at least one of the reasons she put them in there) CUZ A READER TRAINING ARC WITH MIRANDA?!? Reader obviously wanting to go home but also wanting to become stronger (maybe to learn how to get out of there) so they suck it up and train with the person who started their suffering to begin with. and then reader Miranda bonding ensues 🤯🤯🤯

5:

LMAOOOO NOT CROWMIRANDA THROWING A FIT

May be a little off topic but even with the mindfuckery that’s gonna happen in act 3 I still hope we can get crow reader 🙏🙏

6:

I know what you are..

7:

Now say it in English bela 😊😊

8:

😀

OKAY GODDAMN DIDNT KNOW WE GOING AT FOR PROBABLY 5K WORDS

ANYWAYS BELA SCENE IS FINALLY HERE AND THE MEAL YOUVE PUT ON OUR PLATE IS STEAMING

You said you were worried that the pacing/scene would be off but I can assure that THIS ATE. I’m very picky about scenes like these because I actually don’t really like them in general BUT YOUR WRITING STILL COOKS AND IM ENJOYING MY MEAL

Also I’m glad you included the chp 8 moment with bela because I love that reader now trusts her

9:

Someone is gonna read that journal and I’m placing all my money on Alcina

10:

MOTHER MIRANDAAAAA SAVEEE THEMMMM

11:

So we have a new monstrosity out for reader 😋 my theory is maniac is the true form of the freak (FLOATING FETUSSS)

12:

God that ending… I’m so scared for what’s gonna happen to reader but SO EXCITED. And as usual I have no idea what’s gonna happen next 💪💪

I love that you chose Cassandra to be the one who witnessed reader pass out, because ngl it kinda implies cass, the one who was supposed to protect reader, failed at saving them from danger. QUE DEPRESSED CASSANDRA

And WATCHER OH SHIT OMG. Ik they were gonna do something horrendous but…. GODDAMN. At least they’re finally with their Alcina, after like… 300 years or something. Really said double it and give it to the next person

Reader wasn’t able to tell Alcina the truth before they passed out ☹️☹️ my theory is that Alcina will read their journal and find out herself. Which makes for an interesting conversation with her daughters and reader when/if they wake up

Welp I’m glad we’re gonna get more reader lunny moments 😁 as they are the only one reader could possibly talk to.. I MEAN THERE IS ALSO MIRANDA 💪💪

GOD I MISSED DOING THIS AND I MISSED TPTM‼️‼️‼️ can’t wait for act 3 and what you’ll do with it 😋 but please take your time and rest! I’ll be here waiting for my meal tbh I kinda wanna reread 20-21 because I forgot to do an analysis 👀

the EXCITEMENT i felt at getting this AUGH THANK YOU

1. it sure is a mystery… i wonder if you’re correct hehe :)

2. CASS, MY BELOVED. she’s the only one that will do what they ask of her with relatively little pushback, and they know the lengths she’ll go to in order to protect her loved ones. their bond is so >>

3. it might be! (it definitely is)

4. potentially!! hehe there were several reasons why she put them in the megamycete

5. LOOOL I LOVE CROW!MIRANDA. she cracks me up so much and i feel like she’s able to be more genuine as a lil crow

6. 🤨🏳️‍🌈

7. she’s NERVOUS

8. LISTEN I THOUGHT IT WAS SO BAD. i’m not the biggest fan of smut myself so on top of it being incredibly difficult to write, it felt so off 😭 im glad everything came across okay!!

9. honestly, i feel like Cass would be the type to quickly hide it because she knows of its contents. at least some of them, and she (as well as her sisters) would want Alcina to find out through them; it’s their story to tell, after all

10. SHE’S TRYINGGGG

11. NOT THE FLOATING FETUS LMAO. but you’re correct :3 they’re the same being

12. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY KNOWING I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICES WHEN WRITING. that ending has been on my mind for MONTHS- i still don’t feel it was satisfactory but we’re getting there

I’M VERY HAPPY YOU ENJOYED IT!! i hope i can get back into a routine here soon but i make no guarantees. it’s hard to find time 🙃🙃

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ANALYSIS!!!!

[gggoldfinch]

I dont know a lot about transformers but ik Starscream is funny, who's your favorite decepticon and why? 💙

I literally went “hehehehehe” aloud so thank you for facilitating my insanity 😈❤️

Funny you should mention him, because Starscream is not only my favorite Decepticon, but one of my favorite characters of all time 😁 As for why, that bears a bit of explanation. I got into TF in middle school (6th grade I believe, so around 11 years old), and at that time I was experiencing somewhat severe bullying at school, verging on what I now realize was verbal and psychological abuse from my peers who claimed to be my friends. When I saw this gawky robot dude in high heels on tv every morning at roughly 6-7:30—a character who was regularly abused and tormented by his peers, and sought and failed to seek revenge on them repeatedly, who despite his misery just kept trying to make others respect him—I couldn’t help but see myself in him. I wanted nothing more than to see this guy happy and achieving his goals, dubious as they may have been. I was projecting a lot, I realize now.

I’m glad to say that now I’m in a better place and have (somewhat) overcome my trauma and become a better person than my bullies can ever be; and I’m also glad to say that getting into Transformers was a “canon event” in my life, which has changed me as a person, largely for the better. I don’t think I would’ve made it through middle school if not for the franchise, honestly. It was what introduced me to internet fandom culture and pop culture as a whole, and opened up a whole new world of escapism for my broken little middle school self to find comfort and camaraderie in. Starscream (particularly his character in Transformers Prime), the evil little coward that he may be, literally cemented himself in my psyche and is never leaving lmao 💀

So… yes… TLDR: basically Starscream is my favorite Decepticon because when I first got into TF a decade ago, I saw myself in his character and kinda fell in love with the guy 🧍🏻‍♀️

(PS this explanation is brief and doesn’t even scratch the surface of the psychoanalyses I’ve done on myself pertaining as to why I love him 💀💀💀)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #341

“anger, misery, you’ll suffer unto me”

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don't think so. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No, and I never would. Grow up. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yeah; guilt would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Fucking ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? No. Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? Ugh, no. Would most people consider you better than average looking? Ha, no. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? Give me the perfect body, living in my horrible one has affected my mental health badly enough. I'm fine with having a moderate IQ. I just want to feel happy in my own skin. Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Wow, no. Have you ever used a false ID? Also no. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to tell people I don't HAVE a job. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don't. I'm sure it was RP-related and not friendly, but I don't remember the exact convo. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? I want to say no; I think the lowest I ever got was a C. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Ugh, no. I'm sorry if you're into it, but I'm just not. I would want to ensure they knew their uniqueness and individuality was seen. Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? There's a large number of those kinds of people. What brings out the worst in you? Probably when I'm building up towards a PTSD meltdown. I get VERY short and snappy and am convinced everyone hates and wants to leave me. My mouth also has NO fucking leash, and I know I can say very mean things that I'll regret later. What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? Skittles. Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers for sure. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Waffles (with syrup). Don't knock it 'til you try it, I'm telling you. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Besides birds obviously, there's squirrels, deer, opossums, raccoons... Have you ever had a lucid dream? I think I've had just one. What's your biggest problem at the moment? Probably my anxiety having stunted my growth in so many areas. Have you ever turned down a job offer? I don't think so, no. What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I think my longest was almost two months for suicidal thoughts. Two months might sound long, but it was like... my third or so psych hospital stay for that same reason. What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Even the most simple math. I don't even know the majority of my elementary multiplication tables. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I have one there already, but I plan on getting it covered because it was an impulse tattoo that I feel no connection towards. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? My old house, yeah. Are you a beach, country, or city person? Country. Living in the suburbs has definitely reminded me of that... Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing, by a long shot. I make typos texting too much. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah. Who is the last person that you said "I love you" to, besides family members? Sara. When was your first real relationship? Sophomore year of high school to early college. Have you ever cried over an ex? I've cried the entire mass of water on Earth over an ex lmao. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I think I have once or twice, but obviously with consent. What’s a hobby you would like to try out? If my legs worked like actual legs and I didn't sweat like an absolute pig, I would like to try out herping, but without actually interacting with the animal like picking it up and scaring the daylights out of it. I'd just be happy enough looking for reptiles, amphibians, and inverts to photograph instead. Does that still even count as herping? What was the last event you attended? My youngest niece's birthday party. How about the last event you organized? I've never organized an event. What’s something you get excited about doing and want to do it right away? Whenever I take nature pictures, I'm immediately keen to get them into Lightroom and do the postproduction. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? Definitely not. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? If you exclude places like the zoo, that would probably be a rhinoceros beetle or something. Oh no, actually some kind of local moth I don't know the name of. They're beautiful big white boiz. How about the biggest spider? I might be mis-remembering, but I believe at a reptile convention I went to with Sara, one of the vendors had a goliath bird eater tarantula in one of the cups. I do know it was some tarantula species for sure, though. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad. Obviously not romantically, but him just splitting on the family with no proper communication absolutely broke my heart for years. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? I'm sure that would be my parents. If you exclude them 'cuz that's kinda obvious, I believe it was Aaron, my first boyfriend. I'm pretty sure we were together on Valentine's Day, because I remember getting him a giant Hershey's Kiss. First band you obsessed about? I wasn't truly obsessed with any band 'til Ozzy in middle school. Can you do a backflip? No; I've never tried and never will. I was and still am too afraid of breaking my neck. Like I have a MASSIVE fear of paralysis, particularly from the neck down; that fear is actually the biggest one that keeps me from driving, fun fact. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Of the two, definitely a pessimist, but I at least think I align most with being a realist. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I'm unsure. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? Yeah. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Just one. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Tyler once drew a picture of him and me. It was cute. That guy still dove in WAY too fast. Have you ever dated a redhead? I haven't, but I love redheads. Natural red hair is just gorgeous. What are your thoughts on facial hair on guys? Historically, I seem to generally like some, but it really depends on the guy's general appearance. I can like none at all or a full beard and mustache, it doesn't really matter to me. Did you go anywhere today? No; my mom is in Florida with her brothers totally cleaning out Grammy's house, so she's not here to take me anywhere. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yikes, I have a lot. I honestly can't count because I've lost track of how many boys and girls Katie has. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do? Jesus. I'd rather die; some things just aren't worth living after, and I'd have no desire to keep going if I killed my father. Did you ever cry at the end of King Kong? I've never watched it, actually, but I. LOVED. The video game. I haven't played it in years and only faintly remember how it ends, but I don't remember crying. Are you in any amount of pain at the moment? Quite a lot, actually. It's kinda a TMI subject so I won't delve into it, just know I'm hurting like a bitch. What was the last sugary thing you ate? I snacked on some chocolate chips earlier today... which I really shouldn't have done, but I think I had reasonable restraint and didn't totally binge. When was the last time you did something extremely stupid? Who knows, that's not a rare occurrence, it feels like. Have you been to any parties lately? Only my niece's bday party in February. Thankfully it was kept pretty small, given Covid; not that anyone in that family besides my sister gives a flying fuck about precautions, though... Can you touch your pinky to your thumb around your wrist? Ugh, no. Close, but not enough. I still have thin wrists and hands, but yeah, yay for being overweight. If you were to start a charity, what would you call it? I'd hve to put more thought than I'm willing for one survey question. I'd have to decide what KIND of charity I want to start first, which I'm unsure of. Probably something related to animal wellfare and conservation or something similar to the Trevor Project. Maybe LBGTQ+ youth disowned by their families... I dunno. There's so much good I wish I could do. Are you comfortable with your body? Holy fuck no. It's only gotten worse since I started gaining weight again and almost entirely erased all weight loss progress I'd made. What is your recent inside joke? Most recently made? Idk, man. I don't make those often. Would you rather be a human, vampire, or a werewolf? Er, I'm good with being a human. If I was a vampire or werewolf, I wouldn't exactly be very welcomed, I'm sure, and both have seemingly painful traits to cope with. Are you good at giving directions? It is absolutely impossible for me. I have NO sense of direction, like, at all. I don't know highway names, local exits, etc. etc. etc. etc. Why did you last curse? Pain when readjusting myself due to aforementioned issue I'm having. What is your purpose in life? I hope it involves animals and spreading words of peace and an appreciation for art. What is one of your weak points? I'm very, very, very dependent on others. I'm really working on trying to correct that. I can barely do shit on my own as is. Who was the last person you heard snoring? My cat, haha. Would you rather shower by yourself or with another person? 100% by myself. Another person would just get in the way and make me VERY self-conscious of my body, even if it was my romantic partner. Just please leave me alone to hate myself for 10 minutes. :^) What was your last addiction? You could say my current one is John Wolfe, a really funny let's player I've gotten into. Been bingeing some of my favorite games he has playlists of for a few weeks now. You are in a tank full of spiders, what do you do? Well one, I'd like to know what kind they are. Venomous? Harmless? You gotta give me the details. If I don't have any, then I'm admittedly freaking the fuck out, even though I know I should stay very calm when trying to get out. Fear would win, though. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you? Saving the world from what? But odds are, yeah. I don't cherish my pretty damn mediocre life more than I do the lives of what, 8 billion people? Have you ever stayed up all night just to talk to someone? Yeah. When was the last time you eavesdropped someone? I kinda do that sometimes when Mom's on the phone and I can hear her from my room, and if they're on speaker. Particularly if the subject is me. When was the last time you went to a club? I've never been to one. How have you been sleeping? Poorly. Are you adopted? No, I'm not. Do you like scrapbooking? Not really, no. Do you collect anything valuable? "Valuable to me." <<<< This. Nothing of great monetary worth, though. Have you ever been beaten up? No, thankfully. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't think so, in my personal life. What was the last thing you killed? An ant. Have you ever used someone for money? I never could, no. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Sigh, it's been many many years. I'm so ready to get my goddamn legs back in shape so I can go again, this time with a REAL camera, too. Last time I went was when I still only had a Kodak EasyShare; I have a professional Canon camera now with much more education on photography too, so I would be in absolute heaven with at least twenty memory cards in need, haha. Maybe next fall... Is there a teacher you hate more than anything? I actually never had a teacher I hated in my entire school career. It really, really is as simple as just being a respectful student. In most cases, I should emphasize, because I do understand some educators just suck. Now I had some teachers I wasn't very fond of, but most certainly none that I hated. Do you own colored eyeliner? No. Do you have manners? I honestly think I'm very mannerly. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? We last had to put my dog Teddy down; he had cancer and was literally withering away. I knew in my very core that even if we didn't bring him to the vet to euthanize him, he would've died naturally in a very short period of time; I doubt he would've survived another night. Now I'd like to move on. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination of Vraylar and Lamictal is the reason I'm alive. It keeps my bipolarity and depression under control. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but those are some of my favorite crafts visually. They're very pretty and cute. Can you see the mountains from where you live? Oh hunny, I wish. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? As a kid, yeah. I don't anymore. I'm not really even a fan of April Fool's Day as an adult because of how cruel some jokes assholes play are. Which instrument would you play if you could learn to play one? Maybe violin. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? The left. What are some names you like that start with the first letter of your name? Uhhhh Bianca, Braelynn (look I know it's so stereotypically Southern but it's pretty)... and idk from there, those are the two that come to mind first.

[hachichimitsu2]

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

Hello. Yes, you heard me. Here are all the scenes that legit scream out “STYLE” in South Park, whether these scenes are too far of a reach or not. I mostly compiled this out of my very own convenience, and hopefully this’ll help you a whole lot too. This is extremely text heavy, so I’ll put this under “Read More”. I haven’t played any of the games, so I won’t be including it here at this time, so if you guys know any good moments from the games, please let me know and I’ll add it to the list.

Cherokee Hair Tampons:

- The entire goshdarn episode.

- Stan being concerned and distraught over a dying Kyle breaks my heart. He was even bawling next to Kenny.

- Stan willing to donate his kidney to Kyle, even if it’d hurt a lot.

- Stan knowing that Kyle ate a bean and bacon soup half an hour ago shows that he’s been by Kyle’s side for quite some time now.

- Stan holding onto Kyle while they were at Cartman’s house.

- “Dude, you’re my best friend. I don’t want you to die before I do...”

Super Best Friends:

- Yeah, um, this episode...is gay.

- Stan and Kyle entering the episode with ice cream cones while Butters and Cartman wondering where they got them from. It’s assumed Stan and Kyle were hanging out with each other off-screen.

- I think Kyle being convinced that he’s not “really happy” through brainwashing is parallel to Stan being convinced that he’s “depressed” by the Church of Scientology.

- Stan trying to help Kyle escape with him, not even mentioning this plan to Kenny, Cartman or even Butters.

- Stan and Kyle looking at each other with longing looks while dramatic music plays in the background. Ah yes. I am...not even joking...this legit happened.

- How to Find Your Boyfriend 101: “OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!!” “Y-you bastards...”

- Stan pleading Kyle not to kill himself and to hold his breath while being there for him.

- The ending where they call each other Super Best Friends and both proceed to beat up Cartman when he teased that they should make out.

Cartmanland:

- Stan comforting a distraught Kyle.

- @belovedhomosexuals mentioned that canonically, Stan helps Kyle with his hemorrhoid cream, and IM-

- Stan doing everything he can to get back at Cartman for Kyle’s sake.

- Stan demanding the doctor to wheel Kyle out to see Cartman in misery.

Asspen:

- “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HEATHER!!” >:(

- Kyle not wanting Stan to do the K-13. He doesn’t want him to die.

- Kyle holds a polaroid photo of the both of them. How cute. Does he bring it with him wherever he goes?

The Biggest Douche In The Universe:

- Stan not wanting to go back to Colorado without Kyle and does all he can to convince him that John Edward is a fraud.

Follow That Egg:

- They are dads.

- They take care of their egg really well.

- “As a matter of fact, it is the nicest hat I’ve ever known”

- They’re the reasons gays could get married.

- Stan getting jealous of Kyle being paired up with Wendy. It does seem like a reach I have to admit, but if you’re a Stylendy fan, then this one’s for you.

Return of Chef

- The iconic beginning “flashback” where they both look at the sunset together.

Smug Alert:

- Stan and Kyle meeting in the parking lot in the beginning when Kyle was helping his dad give fake tickets.

- Kyle being moved away from South Park has Stan write a song to get Kyle and his family to come back.

- The cute hug in the end.

Fantastic Easter Special

- Stan, out of breath, asks Kyle for help in protecting Snowball

- Kyle helping him out anyways even though he was busy with fingerprinting.

- Cinematic parallels of Kyle killing Jesus and Stan killing that alien in Pinewood Derby.

Imaginationland Trilogy

- Kyle calling Stan in the morning regarding the “dream.”

- Stan and Kyle, unsure of the notes, both trying to recall the Imagination song. It was cute.

- Stan being distraught when ManBearPig got a hold on Kyle. (I swear, I’ve used the word “distraught” for over 1948388 times now)

- Kyle communicating through Stan telepathically with his Imagination.

Guiltar Queer O

- The whole episode.

- “I know...I need you.”

- The whole episode was literally as if they went through a break up.

- They’re both in sync when playing, right up to their tongues up.

- “Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity! Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!” (Foreshadowing for SOT?)

- Stan thinking of Kyle as he’s “driving”.

The List:

- Stan doing all he can to prove that Kyle is a handsome mf. Another episode that screams Stylendy rights.

You Got F’d in the A:

- Kyle being so happy to see Stan dancing back to the Orange County kids.

- It’s canon that Stan can dance well while Kyle doesn’t have rhythm whatsoever. Wouldn’t it be a cute idea for Stan to teach Kyle how to dance?

You Have 0 Friends

- Kyle pleading Stan to water his crops.

- A short detail but if you noticed when Kyle announced that they made an FB account for Stan, he only added himself as Stan’s friend. This means that Kyle legit “friended” himself in Stan’s profile and didn’t bother to add Kenny or Cartman to Stan’s friend list.

- “Yes. WE’RE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS STAN!!” :D

You’re Getting Old:

- Oof. Yeah....

- Stan obviously loves Kyle a whole lot, but him seeing Kyle slowly turn into a turd probably did break his heart little by little. And when I mean by probably, I mean massively.

- Kyle shouldn’t exactly be demonized for not being able to handle Stan’s cynicism. Because I think it’s ok to admit you can’t handle such emotional drainage even if coming from your SBF, but do mind that him leaving Stan was most likely NOT easy for him. It’s kinda sad that they’ve slowly drifted away since then. BUT NO I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN ;-;

Assburgers:

- “Fuck you Kyle! You’re a piece of shit...Kyle, I love you. You’re a piece if shit though, fuck you...! I love you...”

- Stan immediately going back to Kyle when he’s feeling “better”

- That McDonalds Exec. literally narrating Stan and Kyle’s current rocky relationship and not believing every second of if.

A Nightmare on Facetime:

- “WILL SOMEONE GET ME A CHARGER OVER HERE!!’

- Kyle bringing and guiding Stan through the iPad.

Ginger Cow:

- Jokes aside, when Stan was asking Kyle about Cartman’s farts, he was really sweet and understanding to him. He genuinely wants to understand why Kyle likes Cartman’s farts so much and knew something was up by the way Kyle was hiding things.

- I also like how he was not afraid to call Kyle a dick. I think a good level of transparency is needed in a healthy relationship. That’s just how they roll.

- Stan helping Kyle cover up in the end....though it did backfire.

Black Friday Trilogy:

- “DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!” “Kyle thought of it.” ;-;

- Stan being grounded and Kyle apologizing at the other side of the door was peak gay angst level.

- “That’s just how Xbox people are...” D:

- Ok now for something sweet. In the deleted scene, Stan was showing Kyle how the playstation controller works and...wow.......what cute babies.

Prehistoric Ice Man:

- “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!!” *looks at Kyle* “What? I’m not talking to you anymore.”

- Them fighting and arguing was so adorable. Their voices were so squeaky and cute in this episode.

- “First one to die loses.” SOGKEKGKRI WHAT MORONS

- Stan and Kyle kind of awkwardly trying to start the fight reminds me of Tweek vs Craig.

Mexican Joker:

- Stan angrily sending Cartman to the detention center after hearing about him sending Kyle there.

Band in China:

- “kyyyyyyYYYYYLEEEE :D DUDE YOU’RE BACK!!”

- Stan making a death metal band because a.) He hates living in the farm and b.) He misses Kyle so hard.

Britney’s New Look:

- Another Stan and Kyle episode where they both realized how so far in the wrong they’re in, and they desperately want to fix it.

- Stan and Kyle giving up in the end and joining in the chant.

The Death of Eric Cartman:

- Stan offering Kyle money so he could buy milk for lunch.

Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub:

- “You can't just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.”

- When Kyle walks over in the end, Stan proceeds to complain to him how he had the worst night and they both go to Kyle’s house to hang.

The China Probrem

- In the beginning, Stan telling Kyle to refute Cartman’s racist sayings and got overly concerned when Kyle said he couldn’t do this anymore.

- Stan going in Kyle’s room to talk about moving on from what they’ve witnessed.

- Stan holding Kyle’s hand to run away in Kyle’s dream. Kyle waking up and crying when Stan wasn’t around to comfort him.

- Stan and Kyle crying in each other’s arms and telling each other “I love you”.

- Small detail but when they were leaving the attorney’s office and the attorney and the kids were crying altogether, Stan put a hand on Kyle to comfort him as they were crying.

The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce:

- Stan appearing in Kyle’s living room suddenly.

- “Well dude, maybe we're just super badass. Have you thought of that?” Yeah I know Stan was trying to cover up what he just did by saying that but still.

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe:

- Stan helping Kyle save Ike.

- “Hahaha you farted.” WHAT GROSS DORKS

- Kyle telling a speech to the aliens and Stan remarking how beautiful it was.

A Very Crappy Christmas:

- Kyle calling Stan in the middle of the night to get the guys, and Stan answering all sleepily is so adorable.

- Stan and Kyle voice acting together.

- Stan and Kyle doing the stopmotion animation together.

- Stan and Kyle laughing when they had Stan voice act Cartman to say the “ham” line.

Fun With Veal:

- Kyle taking care of a sickly Stan despite being a bit of a germaphobe.

The Snuke:

- Stan coming over to a sick Kyle’s house immediately after school has been suspended.

Crack Baby Athletic Association:

- Stan not being afraid to call out on Kyle.

- Kyle snuck into Stan’s room and Stan was listening to him unfazed.

Quintuplets 2000:

- Them trying to do gymnastics.

Pee:

- Kyle getting disgusted after hearing Stan talk about how it’s normal for people to pee in pools and in the shower.

Butterballs:

- Kyle calling Stan out in the bathroom, and they have this long ass stare. Kyle knowing that Stan will be jackin it in San Diego.

Bike Parade:

- Stan making Kyle laugh.

Proper Condom Use

- Stan and Kyle playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll and roleplaying.

- “SCREAM FOR ME BITCH!” “AHHHHHHHHH”

- Stan and Kyle in the same car with their cute big heads protruding.

World War Zimmerman:

- Stan and Kyle playing football.

The Scoots:

- Once again, Stan and Kyle playing football.

City on the Edge of Forever:

- Stan saving Kyle in his dream.

- Stan and Kyle sitting a bit closer to each other than usual in Stan’s dream.

Grounded Vindaloop:

- The tetherball date.

- Stan and Kyle saying “fuck you” to Kenny.

Clubhouses:

- Stan reading Bebe’s note, and Kyle being unfazed about it later in the episode. It was never defined whether he was informed the note came from Bebe.

#REHASH:

- Stan and Kyle being called grandpas by the little kids.

Tegridy Farms:

- When one of Ike’s classmates blew smoke in front of Kyle, Stan got extremely defensive about it.

Raising the Bar:

- Stan informing Kyle that it isn’t cool to continue on with “Fatty Doo Doo”.

- Stan checking up on Kyle as he’s sitting alone and listening to him lament about how the bar has sunk so low because of people.

Go Fund Yourself:

- *looking at Kyle’s ass* Boy this is the life huh.

Truth and Advertising:

- Stan and Kyle fist fighting for real, and Tweek and Craig looking at them concerned since they rarely ever fight like this.

Conjoined Fetus Lady:

- Stan preparing to catch Kyle if ever he fails to catch the dodgeball.

Stanley’s Cup:

- THEIR YOUNGER SELVES PLAYING HOCKEY!

ManBearPig:

- Stan’s head on Kyle’s lap. It’s so beautifully rendered.

Board Girls:

- “Wow, you are really into board games.”

A Scause for Applause:

- Kyle confronts Stan about cutting the bracelet by saying Heidi Turner saw him with super glue.

The Death Camp of Tolerance:

- “KYLE! KYLE! YOU HAVE TO KEEP MAKING YOUR MACARONI PICTURES!!”

South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut:

- Stan getting jealous that even Kyle is amazed at Gregory.

Cartman Join NAMBLA:

- Stan and Kyle putting their face against the glass.

Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics:

- Stan and Kyle making fun of Shelly behind her back.

Raisins:

- Kyle coming to visit Stan with the gang after the whole breakup.

- Kyle wanting Stan to be happy again by bringing him to Raisins.

- Kyle being annoyed over Stan being distraught over Wendy. Jealous?

Mr. Jefferson:

- When Stan hears a knock on his window, he assumes it’s Kyle.

- Stan and Kyle being good caretakers of Blanket.

- Stan and Kyle sleeping with Blanket.

[lavellane]

A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

[prettylittlebrownskingyal]

i’ll keep on waiting 🌟

Note: Ik you guys are mostly here for ‘x reader’ content but I was projecting and procrastinating and I wrote a stephcass thing.

Words: 2.2k

Steph is of the opinion that she should really hate Conner Kent. Like, loathe him, actually. Because he just has a way of making a move on everyone she has/had feelings for, and the sad fact of the matter is, he makes it look so easy.

She’s woman enough to admit that. What, with the perfect clone smile and the leather jacket and blue eyes. Of course, she can see what Tim and Cass saw. But that doesn’t mean she has to rationally like him. Yet, she can’t find it in herself to want him dead either.

She has, on occasion, thought about pulling him aside and threatening to shove a piece of Bruce’s kryptonite up his-

“Steph! Hey, how’s it going?”

And there he is, suit and tie and charming smile. She would punch him in the face if she didn’t know he was practically invincible. “Hey, Kon. Enjoying the show?”

He laughs and averts his gaze to the spectacle across the room; Tim and Cass, arms swung around each other, twin Wayne grins and immaculate posture, stealing the souls of a bevvy of old rich ladies.

“It’s creepy that they can just switch it on like that.”

“It’s even creepier when Bruce does it.”

“Bruce is always creepy to me.”

Despite her reservations, she cracks a smile at him and allows him to pull her into a debate about the last Knights versus Monarchs game.

So what if he is Cass’s ( somewhat ) ex, he’s really in the same boat she is. With the exception of the fact that he and Tim are actually dating and she and Cass are well, her and Cass.

She swears, for someone who can level her way through an army with swift and unattached efficiency, Cass is oblivious when it comes to the gigantic, hulking crush she has on her. Or maybe, Steph is just so bad at feelings that she’s the one at fault.

Either way, she has nothing to compare this yearning too. She and Tim started with a brick to the face and the coincidence of being teen vigilantes in the Hellmouth that is Gotham. They were a product of proximity and hormones and though she knows some part of her will always be in love with Tim— the way she’s a little in love with all of them—- they were better off as friends.

The conversation with Conner peters out to a comfortable silence as they watch Tim wrap up his jovial conversation. It’s early enough that Steph knows the schmoozing isn’t over yet, they're going to be at it until they milk all these rich schmucks for what their worth and have the fundraiser’s goal paid in double by the end of the night.

Cass catches her eye across the room, and mouths “You want a drink?”. She signs back, “I need it to live through this,” and feels her whole body flush when Cass laughs.

She makes her way across the room, striding as her dress trails behind her, with two champagne flutes. She and Conner exchange smiles as she approaches, which reignites Steph’s desire to deck him before he goes to take Cass’ place at Tim’s side.

Cass presses the glass into her hand, nose wrinkling in amusement as she watches Stephanie knock it back with no sense of class at all. She’s hoping the alcohol will cover the pink tinge she’s sporting— a recent development, that seems to only happen when Cass comes close to her— and she accepts the second flute and Cass’ wry amusement without complaint.

This little moment, in this little bubble, will be cut short soon when Cass has to go back to being one of the elite Wayne-angel kids. So, fueled by the champagne in her bloodstream, she works up enough courage to ask, “Do you wanna dance?”

Her heart’s hammering in her throat when Cass slips a scarred hand into hers, the other moving to tuck a lock of dark hair behind her ear. Steph follows the movement with baited breath, and with what she hopes is a blank expression, when Tim’s voice calls out to them. And the moment, the little bubble, it bursts. Ending with Steph’s tiny glimmer of confidence crawling back into her stomach to hibernate.

“I’ll owe you,” Cass whispers, patting her hand as she slinks off again.

Steph watches her walk away and then looks back at where Conner and Tim are cuddled together, letting the feeling of longing grow and sour inside her until she’s sick of herself.

***

Harper is laughing at her.

She’d stumped her big toe on the foot of their shitty couch and went down on the floor between the living room and the kitchen, arms and legs akimbo and dignity nowhere to be found. That was ten minutes ago, and Harper is still laughing at her, manically. Cullen, who was in his room until his sister started imitating a hyena, takes pity on her. He gives her face one sure look and places a tub of ice cream and a spoon near her head. She takes it with a pathetic wave of thanks and holds it close to her stomach, while she waits for the sweet release of death. She texts this to Damian, telling him he has free reign on offing her. He replies with the middle finger emoji and that gif of Judge Judy rolling her eyes.

“My God, Brown. You really are a mess aren’t you?”

“Physically, mentally or emotionally?” she snorts. “Yes to all of them.”

Harper knows what this is truly about. Because Harper has a way of knowing everything sometimes. She can see right through all of Stephanie’s walls when she really wants too, it makes her brand of tough love pretty great to have around. Except, she isn’t going to offer to fix this one for Steph. Her pining could be easily solved with one conversation, and if Steph is too much of a stubborn brat to have it, she isn’t going to go to Cass and say ‘Hey, my friend is in love with you. You should date her.’ That’s too middle school and she’s sure Cass won’t appreciate it.

“Are you just going to keep lying there? Polluting the apartment with your teen angst bullshit?”

“I’m no longer a teen. And yes. Yes, I am. I’m not moving until I die.”

“ Stephanie .”

“What?”

Harper sighs, rubbing a hand down her face. “How long am I going to have to put up with this?”

“Put up with what?” Her mouth is full of ice cream now, she waves the spoon around as she talks. “I’m not doing anything. I’m just here. Suffering. When will the universe give me a break?”

“Maybe you should stop waiting on the universe and just talk to her.”

“To who? The universe? I’m not really-”

“No, you dumbass .” She flings a throw pillow at her. “To Cassandra. About all of your feelings. And then you can put the rest of us out of our misery.”

Steph drops her hands flat to her sides and nudges the ice cream container away as she thinks. “Nope.”

Harper throws another pillow.

***

She gets into a pissing contest with Damian and Jason on Friday’s patrol. Ideally, she should have known better than to take on their combined force by herself; not when their both cut from the same cloth of anger, violence and ruthlessness that has much to do with Talia Al-Ghul.

They're playing a game of ‘How many criminals can you take down before midnight’, which under usual circumstances, Steph was exceptionally good at. And for the first few hours of patrol, she was. Until Tim informed her through the comms that he and Cass were rooting for her as they watched from the CCTV footage in the cave. It then went from beating Jason and Damian’s sorry asses to look cool, look effortless, look badass because Cass is watching.

Obviously, because sometimes the universe is a tepid bitch that likes watching her suffer, she knocks out two guys with quick jabs and follows the third down a fire escape by attempting to grapple to the ground before he descends the stairs, only to get her wire tangled. Which results in her smacking into the side of the building like George of the jungle. At least, that’s what Tim tells her she looked like as he checks her for a concussion. She’s fine, because she’s tougher than she looks honestly, and all she has to worry about is the sore bruise across her forehead that gets her barred from patrol for the rest of the weekend.

Damian and Jason, the sentimental little pricks, project their guilt into treating her nicer than they usually would. Jason sends her a flurry of blackmail pictures of Dick’s questionable fashion moments over the years that she’s sure he got off of Roy. Damian brings her waffles from an expensive cafe across town and spends most of his Saturday on her couch, watching trashy reality shows. Before he leaves, he fixes her with a look that’s somewhere above his usual range of disdain to indifferent. It’s close to pity, but not quite and it makes him look so much like Bruce for a moment that she finds herself sitting up, paying closer attention.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

He rolls his eyes at her near-confusion, looking years above his age as he says, “You have feelings for my sister. Yes?”

She’s taken aback and almost ready to deny it when she remembers that she isn’t exactly subtle and the only person that really doesn’t know about her crush on Cass, is Cass herself.  “Yes,” she answers, surely this time.

“And what do you intend to do about it?”

“Is this a shovel talk? Are you...are you really about to warn me?” she cackles despite his murderous little face, “You never did this when I was with Tim.”

“You and Drake were a mess, it wasn’t necessary,” he waves a hand in her direction, dismissing the thought. “And no, Brown. I do not need to warn you about what will happen if you screw up, you already know who I am. I’m merely... offering some advice.”

“Which is what?”

“If you wish to have a relationship with Cassandra, you’re going to have to swallow your stupidity and your fear and tell her that yourself. She will not come to you with a proposal, no matter how much you mope.”

With that he exits out the window, leaving her feeling like an open wound. The treads that she’s bound herself together by threaten to unravel on her living room floor, so she retreats to her bedroom and locks the door behind her.

Steph was a smart girl, she knew her friends were right. She knew the only way out of this sick hole of self-pity was to pick herself up and do what needed to be done. But rejection was just a cliff waiting for her to tumble over, and she wasn’t quite sure how she would ever be able to survive the fall.

She took a long, hard look at herself in the mirror. Breathed in her dishevelled hair, Dick’s old Gotham academy sweatshirt that she bummed from Tim after he stole it off Damian, and the stained sweatpants that she took from Harper’s clean laundry pile because she hadn’t gotten around to her own. She felt weird. Floaty. Like she was on the cusp of grief but she was being strong-armed by something else entirely, something delirious. It’s the flitting hope and anchor of lovesickness that had her sticking her ear pods in, music cranked up to full base as she twirled aimlessly around her bedroom. It was a cliched attempt at willing away the tightness of worry in her spine. It works, after a few songs. She sinks into it, almost gratefully, goes completely zen.

She doesn’t notice Cass until she stumbles into her. The window’s cracked open, letting in the cool night breeze of the city. Cass has her hands on Steph’s shoulders, righting her as she sways, a pretty smile tugging at her mouth. Even in her full Black Bat gear, hood pulled back, Cass looks like an unearthly thing, something good, something angelic.

“You’re sad?” she hums, swiping a hand up to Steph’s cheek, and if she had to die right there she’d be fine with that.

“No,” she lies, leaning into the offered comfort. “I’m fine.”

Cass presses a kiss to the sore bump on her forehead, tentatively, like she doesn’t know Steph is incapable of ever moving out of this moment. She takes the earbuds out Steph’s ears, plucking the phone out of her hands and taps until the music fills the room.

“I do owe you a dance,” she says, tugging Steph into a vague waltz.

She lets Cass manoeuvre her, hoping and praying that this is her salvation, finally. That the waiting will pay off, the waiting that she hadn’t even realized she was doing, will culminate into spilled feelings and she’d finally be able to look at Cass with the love-sick smile Tim saves for Kon, Bruce for Selina.

“I have to tell you something,” she inhales deeply, lungs filling with the smell of Cass’s favourite shower gel, sweat and leather. She’s giddy, as she says, “I should have told you sooner.”

“What is it?”

Cass’s forehead is pressed to hers, there’s a hand on her waist, a palm curved into her own and they're own personal, circle of moonlight haloing them. The words fill Steph’s mouth like bundled cotton, she hears Damian’s voice in her head—   “She will not come with a proposal,”— and remembers that Cass’ cornerstone of communication is tactile contact. She leans in, knowing fully well that of this advance was not wanted she’d be on her ass by now, and with as much grace as she can muster, presses a soft kiss into her mouth.

There’s a brief moment, not of shock but perhaps a beat to ground herself, before Cass is tugging her closer, flush against her and weaving a hand into her hair to keep her in place. Bitterly (and pettily) she thinks ‘Suck on that Conner Kent’ before her brain complete shorts out by Cass’ tongue slipping into her mouth. Her heart thuds away wildly against her ribs as Cass gathers her up in her arms.

It feels like days have passed when they finally break for air, noses brushing and lips bitten pink.

“I like you so much,” she admits, finally.

“Really?” Cass teases, soothing her hands down her spine. “I didn’t even notice.”

[friedesgreatscythe]

Hey, it sucks your therapy's been cancelled again :( It must be hard on you right now and I'm sorry you have to go through it. [] This is just my perspective on this so feel free to ignore it, but I know for me personally that when I've felt this way, sometimes what I wish is just being able to tell someone I'm feeling such a way and have them accept that I do; that sometimes these feelings come and affect me, and know all the ways it does and see them, and still I am loved. 1/2

Which, if we’re talking about Nem and Arthur I know he would, but that’s just my two cents. It might not apply because your feelings are your own, they’re personal and specific to you and this might not be what you need, but maybe it’ll help if you wanted to write something out. If it doesn’t I’m really sorry for butting in, and either way I hope you feel better soon. ❤️ 2/2

Anon, this is so incredibly kind that I hardly know what to say. ;_; Thank you so much for taking the time to message me and help. I truly appreciate it and I absolutely needed it.

And I think you’re right. There’s something so tremendously comforting to sit down and talk to someone about your moods, however ugly they are, and have them just listen to you, and look you in the eye and remind you that despite it all, despite what you’re feeling, there’s still a you beneath all that.

I only managed to write this much of the Nem/Arthur thing, because I can’t quite think of a plot for the scene (apart from ‘comfort the witch wife when she is miserable’), and your message felt very timely and apt, considering:

“Even with you,” Anemone said, her small, bloody hands cupped around Arthur’s face, “I am nothing, I am bare bone, stripped raw to sinew.”

Arthur’s pale eyes studied her face, watching, listening. He said nothing. What does one say in the face of this brand of misery?

He felt the pads of her thumbs against his cheek. Nem’s hands were still, motionless. Through the sharp scent of blood, he could smell her—freesia, woodsmoke, wet earth. Her eyes, colorless blue, like ice frozen over a dagger, studied his face with careful desperation, a need that she would not speak.

They couldn’t both be silent.

“This’ll pass, Nem,” he said, his voice low, churning. He closed one of his hands over hers and held her close, his palm larger than half of her hand. He reached out as well for her hip, the narrow bend of skin and bone, drawing her close. “It always does. You know it will.”

Nem grit her teeth and seethed, her breath and words heaving against her chest in a revolt. “I am tired,” she said, closing her eyes, “of waiting for my mind to calm. I am tired of the storm of my mind that must rage and die and drag me along with it.”

Arthur waited for her eyes to open again. Counted those breathless seconds before he saw the light in her and felt it warm something in him.

He didn’t have to wait long. Nem opened her eyes, and it seemed all the years of the world sat dripping in her gaze, “I am tired,” she continued, “of being me.”

“Ain’t no remedy for that but living.”

“How can that be?”

“’Cause living’s the only way you go from who you were, to who you are, to whoever you want to be. Nothing fixes a mistake like living. Of course, nothing adds to those mistakes ike livin’ does, but that’s a problem for another time.”

[buri-art]

Detective Genius: Part 7 of 8

Chapter Seven: The Justice-Selling Nurse and the Case of the Stinky Stairs

Synopsis: Yoon is a financially struggling nurse and recognizes a trauma victim, Taejun, as someone from his boarding house. The victim’s brother, Kyoga, suspects foul play and offers Yoon money to figure out who caused this. The landlord, Soo-won, discourages Yoon from getting involved, but in order to support himself and his adoptive father Ik-soo, Yoon investigates the suspicious other residents--and then some. Genre: Modern Day AU, (Attempted!?) Murder Mystery in Classic ‘Who Done It?’ Style, General. Could be read as comedy, drama, or melodrama. Words: 2,357 Warnings: I don’t kill anyone, but I do make them suffer a little (sorry, Taejun, somebody had to be the victim). Probably nothing that would make people squeamish, as the focus is on the plot. Find the other chapters in the master post.

------------

I was momentarily stunned. Why would anyone punch Jaeha in the face? Was it Hak? Did Hak have a reason to keep Jaeha out of this? 

Ik-soo looked over at me with a struggle but also a doubt about where I had disappeared to and said, “Sorry, Yoon, I was trying to tell him you need your rest and he should take him to the hospital instead…”

“Where is he?” I asked Kija, ready to get to work. We left Ik-soo behind and took the elevator up to the fifth floor, and because Kija had left the door unlocked, we wasted no time in getting in. His room was full of white furniture so basic that it seemed no one had ever taught him the meaning of decorating, so Jaeha’s sprawling form on his bed stuck out like a cactus in a barren dessert. His left cheek was swollen, and he was moaning and holding his stomach as he rolled this way and that. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, and he didn’t seem to notice when we came in.

I didn’t know where to start, and looked to Kija for answers.

He gulped and stared at the man on his bed. “I had a bad feeling about him and found him in the stairwell,” he said as I got to work assessing Jaeha’s vitals and helping myself to Kija’s miniature fridge to find something cold to put against his cheek. Kija went on, “His room was locked, so I carried him back up here.”

“You carried him?”  

“Yes,” he said, changing tones as he caught me staring at him. “He said he heard something in the stairs and went to check it out, so that’s where I found him around the 4th floor. I went down the staircase first, but then when I couldn’t get in, I went back up here, and then back down to get your help.”

“You carried him by yourself, up the stairs?”

“Yes. Is that strange? Oh, I suppose it is, I should have used the elevator.”

“This isn’t making any sense, Kija. Back up and slow down.”

Jaeha howled with pain and clenched his stomach tighter. Kija took a breath and started over. “He came up here a couple hours ago to tell me about everything with Hak and Taejun. We talked for maybe an hour or so. He’s a pretty nice guy once you get to know him. Then when he said he was going back to his room, he said said he heard something and he wanted to check it out. He was already acting strange before that, though.”

“How so?”

He frowned as he pondered. “He was acting very loose and friendly with me.”

“Can you be any more specific?”

“Leaning against the wall like he couldn’t stand up straight, keeping his face very close to me. Touching my hair. Then he started shaking his head and moving away and laughing, and muttering something under his breath like his was confused, and then some sound caught his attention so he stopped, and then told me to go to bed while he looked for clues. I went back to my room, but for some reason, it bothered me.

“I’ll say.”

“Then I think I heard a loud noise, and that was when I ran down to check.”

“Did you see anyone else there?”

“No.”

I lowered my voice. “Have you seen Hak at all?”

“No, not since yesterday.”

Jaeha grimaced and sweat poured down his face. “It wasn’t Hak,” he squeezed out.

“Hey, you’re alive. Who was it, then?”

“Some… big guy…”

“Big guy?”

“…Nice ‘n… scruffy… like a pira---bleeghh!”

Kija and I scrambled to get Jaeha to the bathroom over the toilet. As he bowed before the porcelain throne, I looked back to Kija. “Were you guys drinking up here or something?”

“No, we only had some snacks.”

“A punch in the face shouldn’t do this. If it wasn’t alcohol, then my best guess is poison.”

“Poison!? He’s been poisoned!?”

I didn’t give myself half a second to think about it, but it sounded plausible—after all, we were already trying to track down an attempted murderer, why wouldn’t they try some other methods if someone was on their trail? “They tried to silence him!?”

“But… but who would have had poison? P… poison comes from plants, right?”

“Yuno! Oh, gods, but why would Yuno poison him?”

“Yuno? She’s the woman across from Yona on the fourth floor, right?”

Jaeha mumbled and stirred, his eyes were unfocused and his head was unsteady. “That’s right, her name’s Yuno… I think…”

Kija and I drew closer. “You think…?”

“I think I…”

“You what?”

He squinted, staring out at the distance. “I think I was flirting with her boyfriend.”

“…wait. You mean Geun-tae?”

“Uh-hhmmnn.”

“Jaeha! How lewd! No wonder she poisoned you!”

“No! No, wait, wait, stop!” I shouted. “Yuno wouldn’t do that. Geun-tae probably punched you thinking you’re the pervert who had been bothering her.”

“Wha...?”

“Jaeha!” gasped Kija. “You’re a pervert?”

��Actually, now that I think about it, you probably are. Her room is right above yours, so she probably overheard those porn DVDs.”

“Pornography!?”

“Hey!” snapped Jaeha. “Those are works of art! And I only bring over consenting, conscious adults—bleeeggghhh—”

“For crying out loud,” I slapped a hand against my forehead. “He obviously didn’t consent. Why were you flirting with him in the first place? Was this really an appropriate time?”

“I don’t know,” he whimpered into the toilet. “I don’t even know. He’s not even my type! Ohhhh, just let me diiiiiie.”

“Don’t die in my bathroom!”

Jaeha yelled again in pain as he clenched his stomach, and I opened my mouth to tell him he’d be fine when--

“Who’s dying?”

“Ahh!” Kija and I both jumped. Hak was standing in the bathroom doorway, looming over us with his arms folded and a scowl across his face. Kija stood right up to face him with a claw-like fingernail against his chest. “Hak! What are you doing wandering into my room?”

“You’re the one who left the door open and started making all that racket. What’s going on here?”

“I’m die… dying…”

Hak gave Jaeha a calculating glance, then glared back at Kija. “What did you feed him?”

“Feed him? You think I’m the one who would poison him?”

“Yes!” he barked back. “What did you bring back from your grandmother this time?”

“This time?” I looked between the two of them. “Kija, what snacks did you and Jaeha have?”

“White Dragon Cookies, from my granny.”

Hak marched into the kitchenette and came back with a white box laden with tissue paper. “Are these them?”

“Yes. But don’t do anything to them, I haven’t had one yet.”

“That’s why you’re not the one with your head in a toilet!”

“Let me see those,” I stood up, then took a whiff of one of the thumb-sized sweets. For cookies, they were very shiny. The noxious smell immediately made me light-headed and recoil from the box. “Ungh! Ahgh! What is in those?”

“Granny only said they were baked with love.”

“Ahhhhh!!” Jaeha screamed, his eyes wide and fang-like teeth gleaming. “They were an aphrodisiac! No wonder! Uunghh!”

“Whatever they were, they’re rancid now. No wonder Jaeha got sick. Why did you even put those in your mouth?”

Kija fumed. “Don’t insult my granny’s cooking!”

“Insult them?” Hak’s eyes flared. “Whatever you brought home last week was even worse. What was that candy supposed to be?”

“Candy?” I darted my glance back to Kija, who was starting to shrink away under everyone’s stares.

“It was… last week I was felt like I was going to catch a cold, so she gave me cough drops.”

“Cough drops are medicine, Kija! Hak,” I looked back at him. “Did you eat one?”

“Yes. I left it on my counter and then noticed it again on Tuesday, so I popped it in my mouth and didn’t think anything of it. It started kicking in a couple hours later,” he trailed off, cheeks blushing as he called to mind the events of that day.

Kija’s face went as white as his sheets. “Oh… Oh, Hak, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Those have a very short shelf-life. I should have told you to eat it right away that night, on Saturday.”

Hak looked wild-eyed at Kija. “You knew they’d do that?”

“I-I don’t know what it did to you, but knowing how a few of my cousins reacted to them while we were growing up, I…”

“Kija!” I yelled. “What is your grandmother, some kind of drug distributor?”

“No, she’s a chemist.”

“Damn it, Kija! It’s your fault I’m getting treated like I’m a criminal!”

“But you are!” he clenched his hands into fists and shouted back. “We all know what you did to Kan Taejun!”

“Kija—”

Hak was silent. I started to shake as I looked between them. If Hak wanted to, he could very easily put a hole through any of our faces. Even Jaeha was looking more nervous than pained as he stared up, waiting for someone to speak again. Hak blinked, then said, “You mean that I punched him?”

“Aha!” Kija shouted. “You admit it! You’re the one who beat him up in the alley last night!”

“Kija, stop—”

“I won’t stand for getting accused of something I didn’t do,” Hak glared back. “I haven’t even seen him since I hit him on Tuesday.”

“Wait!” I shouted, putting my hands up between them. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Now let’s all sit down and sort this out calmly, please.”

**********

We relocated back to Kija’s bed. Kija and Hak dragged Jaeha back over and I helped to make him more comfortable. He seemed like he was in a little less pain than before, but his face was still green with misery. I asked if he was going to be sick again and said, “Yoon, you stink.”

“Sorry. I haven’t had a chance to shower yet.”

“Kind of like… the stairs…” he trailed off and closed his eyes.

Hak paid close attention and Kija stayed respectfully quiet as I explained Taejun’s injury, Soo-won’s approach to the situation, Joon-gi’s recollection of the details, as well as Jaeha’s recollection that Yona and Taejun had been arguing.

Kija’s fist tightened. “He’s such a slimy jerk. I hate to say it, but he had it coming.”

“Punching him felt good, I’ll admit.”

“Let’s start there,” I suggested. “Hak, you ate the cough drop from Kija on Tuesday morning, correct?”

“A little before lunch, yeah.”

“And then it started making you antsy a couple hours later, so you went for a run, right?”

“Yes.”

“Kija, was this also the day you came home to find Taejun bothering Yona in the elevator, right?”

“Yes. It was around 4:15. I yelled at him and he was spooked and ran out the front door. I offered to help Yona more, but she said she didn’t need me because she has Hak.”

He perked up. “She said that?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“And Hak, around what time did you punch Taejun?”

“Probably around 4:15.”

“And neither of you have seen him since?”

“No.”

“I haven’t, but how can we believe you, Hak? Yoon talked to Soo-won, and he said you two have conflicting alibis!”

Hak raised an eyebrow to me. “Come again?”

“When I asked where you were yesterday evening, you said you were working out. Soo-won didn’t know how you answered and said you were in his room.”

“And you were in a rush to shower when you got back last night—very suspicious!”

Hak looked befuddled for a moment, but then he hit his fist in his palm. “Ah! I see what you mean. I was in Soo-won’s room. He got a treadmill and weight set and invited me to go try them out with him. I was all sweaty after using the treadmill.”

“Oh, really?” blinked Kija. “I knew his apartment was bigger. It really fits that much?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think it would, but it’s a nice set-up.”

“Oh. Maybe he’ll let me try it out sometime too.”

“How about Yona?” I asked. “Did either of you talk to Yona since the incident with Taejun on Tuesday?”

Hak frowned. “I talked to her later that night, but I was still feeling weird. I…” he averted his eyes and turned red, “I was getting in her business too much. At one point I pinned her against the wall.”

“You what!?”

“Down, Kija! Was that it, Hak?”

“Yeah. That was when I knew something was wrong with me, and I went to sleep early after that.”

“Have you seen her since then?”

“I tried to apologize to her on Thursday. She didn’t want to hear it.”

“Was that all?”

He frowned and continued in a lower voice. “I tried to find out who she’s been hanging out with lately. She doesn’t want to say who.”

“That’s none of your business anyway,” Kija scoffed.

“I was worried about her safety! Anyway, we argued again, so I haven’t seen her since.”

“I haven’t run into her either.”

“And what about the pervert?” Hak pointed to Jaeha.

“I’m pretty sure he hasn’t talked to her or to Taejun,” I said. “But I talked with her in her apartment this morning.”

Hak sharpened his glance at me. “And?”

“They did have some kind of argument. Yona didn’t want to talk about it,” I said, feeling my words get quieter as I tumbled toward what was sounding closer and closer to the truth. “But a homeless person who witnessed it happen in the alley did.” I pulled out the shard in my pocket to show them and finished, “He said this was what hit Taejun. It came from the fourth story window.”

Kija simply stared, but Hak pursed his lips and fell into his own thoughts. I gulped and waited for his response.

“We should go down and talk to Yona.”

“I agree.” “What? Right now?” Kija looked between us. “It’s so late! I don’t get it. Why?”

“You stay here with Jaeha. We’ll take care of this.”

[kie-ndness]

The Proust Questionnaire tag

I was tagged by the wonderful and beautiful @my-irregular-heart-beat to do this tag that she started. It has some really deep and some of my answers may be on the darker side so you have been warned.

Rules: Answer these questions, then tag some pals to do it too! 

It’s quite long so I’m inserting a read more thing

What is your idea of perfect happiness?: Just feeling comfortable with who I am in life. Being able to just lay down, relax and realize all the amazing things in my life and all the amazing things about life in general. To be able to feel real and soak things that I experience up.  What is your greatest fear?: The physical embodiment of my greatest fear is a high school cafeteria. That is a place where I had so many panic attacks and it caused so many problems throughout my high school career. Just being in a place with so many people. So many loud noises. A place I can’t escape. Strikes fear into my heart. Also being in large groups where a person has the choice of what group to be a part of, where to sit. But also that it is expected that you do have a place. A group to sit with. But then me not having anywhere. No friends. Or even friends, but then me not feeling like I really fir it. That they even like me. Is also so terrible. Another one of my fears is that I will be sick forever. Which means having a chronic illness absolutely sucks for me. The thought that I will have to deal with this pain and the feeling of exhaustion for the rest of my life. Also that I will never be able to contribute to society. To help others. Or even being able to do the things that I love and also going through phases where I can’t not only do those things but that I don’t want to do those things. Those things that are so much a part of me just disappearing and meaning nothing. I hate it and I am afraid.  What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?: My sicknesses. Its just the worst thing ever. What is the trait you most deplore in others?: That some people seemingly lack the basic ability to see others as human and treat them such. That people can be so cruel to others just because they are different. Which living person do you most admire?: dodie because I can just relate to her so much. And also that she is so beautiful and so talented. That she works so hard and loves all the friends and family in her life, I admire that about her. Also that she is an open bisexual feminist breaking down the stigma or mental illness is amazing. So I admire her for those things.  What is your greatest extravagance?: Cute clothes. But also just days where I use my energy to do things like go on a bike ride or simply to the grocery store. What is your current state of mind?: I’m a little out of it at the moment. But hopeful and also happy cause I’m dying my hair today. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?: I’m not so sure cause all the ones I can think about can be really good if used in the right way. But probably chastity or purity because if people force that onto you it’s not too good. Like especially in the sense of teaching no sex before marriage. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to choose that for yourself or teaching that it is an option. But when parents and churches and especially schools teach that as the only option it gets dangerous. It makes people feel bad for having those feelings. Or having sexual experiences. And if you don’t teach proper sex education people can get stds, get pregnant and just overall not be knowledgeable about an important aspect of many peoples lives.     On what occasion do you lie?: I don’t like this about myself, and have gotten better, but if I feel like I’m going to get in trouble I lie to get out of it. Even if I didn’t do anything wrong, I will lie. And that’s so stupid of me. But I just hate the feeling of getting in trouble so much.   What do you most dislike about your appearance?: It’s kinda silly but my neck and shoulders. Also my boobs, not even in a dysphoric way. But I just don’t like the way they look and want them to be smaller. Which living person do you most despise?: Any person that’s in a high position of power that abuses that power and actively tries to hurt others and take away their freedoms. This includes trump and pence.  What is the quality you most like in a man?: Just if they are nice and understanding. If they are interesting to talk to. If they strive for equality of minorities. Then I will be their friend. I’m mostly gay so I probably wouldn’t date any guy even if they do fit this criteria.  What is the quality you most like in a woman?: All the same qualities mentioned above. And for qualities I look for in a woman to potentially date they also have to be sensitive and I have to find them attractive, which isn’t hard cause I find like 90% of women attractive physically.   Which words or phrases do you most overuse?: “I don’t feel good” of “I’m tired” I say these so much that it annoys everyone in my family. But it annoys me most cause I’m the one that actually is feeling those things all the flippin time.   What or who is the greatest love of your life?: My little sister, my cats and my computer (it doesn’t have to be this specific computer that I own now but any computer that I can have to myself) When and where were you happiest?: Probably all the years I spent in elementary school cause once I got into 6th grade my whole life kinda changed and I began all my lovely mental illnesses. I had my best friend back then, I loved school, I had other friends as well and I just had that childhood wonder where I didn’t know of all the bad things in the world.  Which talent would you most like to have?: I would like to be a good artist or a good writer.  

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: To not be freakin sick! Both mentally and physically please.  What do you consider your greatest achievement?: Still being alive and stopping some of the more bad behaviors I had such as self harm and an eating disorder. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?: A plant. I’m not sure what type but I would like to be a plant. I love them so much, they’re beautiful and bring life into the world. Also I would like to not have to think.  Where would you most like to live?: I would love to live in so many places. Maybe in Organ or Washington or in London. I’ve been to those places and I just feel more alive there and I love those places to death.  What is your most treasured possession?: My computer, just case it allows me to access the internet and such. Or my stuffed moose because I’ve had that thing for such a long time and I still sleep with her.   What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?: Being alone in a crowed room especially if you are “with” someone in that room. What is your favourite occupation?: I’ve never had a job. But my dream job would be a writer or a psychologist. One that helps the world learn new things about people or helps even just one mere person overcome their illness and be healthy and happy.  What is your most marked characteristic?: Is this asking what my most prominent characteristic is? Then tiredness and sensitivity or empathy.  What do you most value in your friends?: Honestly I don’t have many friends  and the ones I do have are all online. But I guess people that fit into the qualities I listed in what I look for in men and women. But also the ability to discuss things. To ask questions and have a conversation or a civil argument. 

Who are your favourite writers (musicians, artists, poets etc)?: Twenty One Pilots, Troye Sivan, Ellen Hopkins, Lulu Rose and Rebecca Sugar   Who is your hero of fiction?: I don’t think I have one tbh. I rarely ever look up to real life people let alone fictional characters. But right now I’m really into Steven Universe and all of the crystal gems have some really great qualities that I strive to have. And my favorite character in the show is Connie so maybe her. 

I tag @captain-cuddles @blushingtroye @cyberspacedisgrace @daaesdaughter27 and @palegaymeme

you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to for WHATEVER REASON. Ik it’s a kinda deep question tag so. 

[chchcherish]

i never talk ab these things so here it is

i pick at my skin out of nervous habit and then experience sensory overload from picking at my skin

i don’t feel emotions intensely but they’re constantly like Gnawing at me

i over analyze every human interaction

i try to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to people because i’m lonely and want friends but then i feel intense insecurity

my brain collapses onto itself every time i think about doing math related anything like i know most people hate math but it brings me actual misery

all bad things that happen to me are a result of a completely unrelated action (ie i painted my nails so i got a speeding ticket) (this is an ocd thing ik)

i have very fixated interests and get sad when no one will talk about those interests with me

i flinch every time i hear a loud noise and i get legitimately angry when i hear certain noises (eating, doors slamming) (i can’t even look at people eat without getting annoyed bc i know they’re making Noises)

can’t focus on a dam thing for longer than 10 minutes

i don’t let myself have an imagination of any kind bc i’m afraid i’ll get too caught up or it’ll cause me to disassociate or i just feel embarrassed

[justjessame]

Diamonds Are A Boy’s Best Friend Chapter 27

I didn’t wait long for the next update from Pop-Pop.  It came hours after he’d sent a midwife to check in on me.  A midwife who looked over my overall health, advised both myself and Selma that my nausea would grow worse with stress, and patted my hand to assure me that women had been giving birth since the dawn of time and I’d be alright.  

Her other rules made little sense, which meant that I had to wonder how realistic the entire ordeal would be.  No reading, she sniffed, seeing my books lined and stacked around my room.  Too much excitement wasn’t good for my condition.  Rest, and a great deal of it, even as I lay reclining on my bed.  No bumpy car rides, no funerals, no sporting events.  Nothing to get my emotions raised.  No reaching over my head, which she said as she took in my petite frame.  She asked if I smoked or drank, but since I’d felt the first gurgling of vomit I hadn’t felt the urge to take up smoking and the scent of alcohol or the memory of it made me gag.  

She left, telling me to watch my weight, to keep a pleasant and quiet mind, and I rolled my eyes at Selma as she stood next to me with a smirk.

“Is she insane?”  I finally asked, having been rendered speechless by the overbearing woman.  “Does she have any idea what family I belong to?”  No stress?  Good luck.

Selma snorted.  “She’s right about at least one thing,”  I glanced up at her.  “Women HAVE been doing this forever, and we survive.”  She helped me to my feet, since I wasn’t completely up to full strength yet.  “I nearly burst out laughing when she told you no reading.”  

I had to smile at that.  Selma had teased me about my appetite for books from the moment we first met.  “Yes, well, I nearly concussed myself when she advised ‘no stress’, as though I have another option.”  

Pop-Pop called soon after.  I was lounging on the sofa, per midwife’s orders, reading one of the books she’d taken such offense to, when Selma handed me the phone.  

“How are you, Lizzie?”  He asked, as I greeted him.  “You listening to Ellen’s advice?”  Ellen, the midwife.  I snorted and heard him chuckle.  “I promised not to add to your stress, sweetheart, but I have some news.”

“Ike?”  A breathless as I could sound when I was saying his name to his face.  “Is he alright?”

“He made bail.”  Meg, I thought.  “That wife of his, she’s got a jealous streak a mile wide.”  Wait, what?  

“I don’t understand, Pop-Pop.”  I didn’t, what did Vera’s jealousy have to do, I went cold.  Did she know?  “She knows,” I breathed.  

“No, Lizzie, no.”  He sighed.  “The sister-in-law?”  I made a noise of knowing who he meant.  “She offered the money, family like, but the wife?  She turned her down flat.”  How did he know?  “That Sid, he’s a good guy.”  Oh, Ike’s lawyer.  “He tells me that the wife, she stands up and makes demands for the money, but when it’s offered by the in-law, she spits at it.”  So who gave it?  “Your father,” No, I prayed, no.  “He tried to get the son to let him pay it.  The kid, he’s stubborn and says no.”  Of course he did, I thought, since this triangle between Lily, Father, and him was a torrid ring of confusion.  “Some bookie, Bel something, he gave the wife the cash.”  Bel?  Wasn’t Bel-shit.  “Then the wife and Ike had their wonderful reunion in full view.”  

“Bel works for Father.”  I offered, pushing aside the thought of how wonderful Vera and Ike had reunited, I offered and heard my grandfather chuckle.  “Any more bad news?”  I settled back against the pillow that Selma had brought me to make the sofa more comfortable.

“He’s free.  And he wants to have a chat with me.”  I nodded, and realized he couldn’t see me, but it didn’t seem to matter because he went on.  “He’s got ideas, Lizzie, plans, I’m told.”  What kind of ideas and plans?  What kind would Ike have to call on Pop-Pop?  “Did you know an Al that worked for Ben?”

“Yes, he-”  I stopped suddenly realizing he’d used past tense.  “Al’s dead?”  I felt a strange clutch of sadness at the knowledge that one of my father’s hired goons was gone.  “How?”

“The story is that Al went after the witness against Ike,”  the woman that Sid had mentioned.  “The whore lived, Al got shot and killed by a hero cop.”  He was scoffing at the idea of it being true.  I shut my eyes, wondering who was next.  “I’m sorry, Lizzie, I-”

“I know,” I swallowed hard.  “It’s just a mess, isn’t it?”  

Another chuckle.  “That it is, honey, that it is.”  

We said goodbye soon after, and as Selma took the phone back, I felt the rush of vomit that I’d been fighting during the call come fighting its way out, and almost didn’t make it to the bathroom.  

The next call came while I was sleeping.  I heard the ringing phone, but rolled over and tried to drift back off.  Selma rushing into the room, turning the light on ruined the attempt.  “Here,” she said, a large smile on her face and her hair a tangled mess.  “Take it.”  

I blinked away the spots that the bright light had coated my vision in, and realized she was handing me the phone.  Groaning, and staying prone from weeks of experience at what sitting up too fast could cause, I held the receiver to my ear.  “Hello?”  I sounded hoarse from sleep, because I’d been sleeping, but the news that my grandfather was giving me woke me fully and I couldn’t stop myself from sitting upright.

“The charges have been dropped, Lizzie.”  I sighed in relief, and nearly squealed as Lily had when she wanted to take me shopping the first time.  “He’s free and clear.”  

“Thank God.”  I sighed, feeling the vertigo from my sudden upright pose had caused, I choked the rising bile down.  “How?”  

He told me that Judi Silver, the witness, had recanted her statement naming Ike as the murderer.  Instead, she offered up Al, dead already and unable to be charged.  I wondered what the truth was, and if I’d ever know?  The money for Ike’s bail would go back to Bel, to my father, and Ike would go back to being the king of his sand castle.  

“The wife,”  I sighed, feeling the burn of tears at the reminder.  “She’s gonna be going on stage dancing.  I hear that it’s gonna be billed as ‘the queen of the Miramar Playa, former queen of the Tropicana’ bullshit.  Can’t seem to book anyone else.”  He chuckled at the thought of Ike’s wife returning to the stage.  And the way he said dancing implied what he thought of that idea.  

I huffed out my own mirthless laugh.  “Ike must be desperate.  He told me-”  I stopped, what Ike had told me kept seeming to contradict itself.  “Have you seen him?”  

“Not yet,” he sighed.  “Lizzie, you can’t expect-”

“I don’t.”  I promised him and myself.  “I don’t expect anything, Pop-Pop.”  And it was almost the truth.  “Just-  I never got to-”  Say goodbye, tell him I’d love him and our baby, that I wanted to kiss him and maybe, just maybe then I’d be able to let go?  I brushed away the tears that I’d finally let fall, and shook it off.  It did no good to wallow.  

“I hear the daughter asks about you.”  Lauren?  Why would she ask after me?  “Seems that she took a liking to you.  She wants to know where you went, when you’ll come back, and why you didn’t say goodbye.”  

Heavily sighing, I thought about how she must feel.  She’d lost her mother at such a young age, but unlike me, she remembered hers.  And I thought about the lunches I shared with her and Vera, the way she watched me and the promise I’d made to take her shopping, but didn’t because I’d seen the flash of hurt that had crossed Vera’s face at how excited she’d seemed at the prospect.  I’d taken her husband carnally, I couldn’t take her stepdaughter’s friendship.  

“I should have-”  I wondered if anything would ever feel right again.  If I’d ever feel like I hadn’t failed at everything.  “Is there more?”

“Sid keeps me in the loop.  Ike still wants to chat, I’m making him sweat.”  He sounded gruff again.  “Putz puts you in this condition and gets out-” he made a noise that sounded like passing gas, “nothing.  He can stew, he can worry.  He’ll get his meeting, Lizzie, but he might not want to face me.”  He went quiet, making me think he was holding something back.  

“There’s more?”  I wanted it all.  Purge it and move on, or pretend to.  “Pop-Pop?”

“His family had a celebration, since he’s in the clear.”  I waited, and wasn’t disappointed, at least not in the sense that I was right, there was more.  “Ben showed up.  Ike insulted him.  He reminded, quietly I’m told, Ike about your current predicament, and-”

“Threatened to tell Vera?”  Of course, why wouldn’t he?  “And?”

“He left, it was tense.”  He chuckled again.  “The wife, I’m told it’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but-”

“There’s an image to maintain.”  I knew this, the scandal of a murder charge, even if it was dismissed, was something they had to work through.  

“He visited the whore.”  I shook my head at what Pop-Pop was insinuating with his tone.  “To ‘thank’ her.  She didn’t let him in.”  

“Miami sounds busy.”  I was choking back the urge to vomit and he noticed.

“Go, Lizzie, then have the tea you told me about.”  I agreed with a murmur of apology and thrust the phone back at Selma as I ran to the bathroom and let everything rush out.  

I was being punished.  That was the only thing I could think as I retched up anything I had put in my mouth that evening.  Punished for envy, for infidelity, for immorality.  But, as I stood up finally, and scrubbed the acidic sour taste from my mouth, I wouldn’t give up the tiny piece of Ike I still had.  Even if I felt exhausted and my nerves were stretched to the breaking point.  If the baby was all I kept from him, all I was allowed, then it was more precious to me than all the money or jewels in the world.  And I hoped it knew.  Knew that I already loved it, even if it was forcing misery upon me every single morning.  

Selma tried to keep my mind busy.  She tried distracting me with thoughts of shopping for new clothes.  She tempted me with trips to bookstores.  She took it as a personal challenge to find foods that would stay down, and new teas that would help soothe my rolling stomach as the silence from Pop-Pop and the news from Miami stretched out and dried up respectively.  

“Tents,” I swore, looking through the racks at the store she’d talked me into going to.  “Everything for an expecting woman, it all looks like tents.”  The patterns, the bows, and the utter ugliness of them, offended me on a deep level.  “Once we’re expecting do we all join the Navy?”  I asked, pulling a tent that was trying to pretend it was a sailor suit.  And held it up to Selma’s smirking amusement.  

“Can I help you?”  A frowning saleswoman approached, clearly offended by my mockery of the store’s line of camping equipment masquerading as clothing.  

“I think my niece,” Selma started, seeing my cringe grow as I flicked through more hangers holding uglier choices by the second.  “Wants to know if you have anything a little less-”

“Eye-gougingly hideous?”  I offered with a grimace.  I held up another tent with an enormous bow.  And met the woman’s eyes.  “Please?”  

She laughed, suddenly seeing that I wasn’t being unduly rude, but truly appalled by the lack of attractive options for what I was heading toward.  Shaking her head, she came closer and offered in a quiet, conspiratorial way, “they are horrible, aren’t they?”  She smiled.  “You should check-”  She gave us the name of a more upscale store a few towns away.  “They tend to have the more fashion forward styles, and they cater to more discerning tastes.”  

I thanked her, but Selma could see that I was too tired to continue shopping.  At the house, she told me to settle on the makeshift lounge she’d made the sofa into, and went to get us some tea.  Well, tea for me, something a bit stronger for her.  

It didn’t smell minty, the steaming cup that she handed me and I raised an eyebrow.  “Chamomile.”  She smiled, taking the chair at my feet.  “If you’re up to it, tomorrow we can try the other store.”  

I took a sip of the tea and waited a beat to see if it would have to make a return appearance.  When nothing happened, I smiled and sighed.  “What if we miss a call, Selma?”  I was worried that I wouldn’t be home, that I’d miss the call that told me I could go back, or that I had nothing to go back to.  

She shook her head and sipped from her glass.  “Then he calls back, Liz.  If it’s important, Sy will make sure he gets it to you, you know that.”  Did I?  It had gone quiet, and fast, and I felt like I was on a seesaw and I was waiting for the other person to kick off the ground so my feet could touch firm land again.  

“I’m worried, Selma, so worried that I can’t do this.”  My hand had gone to my stomach, to the little being inside.  

“You can.”  She was firm.  “You will.  And more important, I think, you want to.”  I met her eyes, and knew that she understood me, possibly better than I did.  

I’d consented to the shopping trip.  I allowed myself to be dragged into the new store, and even agreed to taking a seat and letting the saleswoman bring me samples of their line.  I turned down the offer of champagne, disagreeing with the assurances that it would help with my nausea.  

“The smell,” I frowned, the mere memory of the scent making my bile rise.  “I can’t.”  

Selma asked for seltzer water, for both of us, and the woman rushed off to complete her tasks.  First the drinks, fresh and fizzy she assured us with a perkiness that made me want to throw up, but not for the usual reason.  And then with two other women, carrying several new, yet still tent-like offerings.  I sighed and sat back.  Honestly?

“We were told that your establishment had more-” Selma looked to me for the word she wanted.  

“Attractive,” I supplied, rolling my eyes and taking a sip of my fresh and fizzy consolation prize.  

“Yes, attractive options for an expectant young woman.”  She smiled, knowing that this trip was going downhill fast.  

The saleswoman tried to argue that the fabrics, the prints, were all of a far higher quality, but I cut her off.

“They all have hideous bows, or unnecessary frills.”  I glared at the ‘quality’ sailor suit one was holding.  “Is there nothing with a sleeker line?  A cleaner feel?”  I could see that the saleswomen were finally taking in how I was dressed.  The black dress, my heels, the simple, yet expensive diamond on my finger (a requirement, Selma and I agreed, to cut off the questions or looks).  

“Perhaps,” the one who had greeted us, the one who had brought us the drinks, was running an idea through her head and I could almost smell the gears grinding.  “Give us a moment.”  

“You’re coming back to yourself,” Selma said into her drink.  “This reminds me of the time in Athens.”  I smiled at the memory.  “They kept trying to force the gauzy pastels on you-”

“All bows and roses,” I could almost feel the warm sun on my skin.  The scent of the sea.  “I thought they would cry when I insisted on-”

“Black.  Simple, plain, black.”  It had been what the salespeople had muttered, in Greek, thinking I couldn’t understand.  “When you asserted that you did indeed love plain and simple, I thought their heads would implode.”  

I chuckled and sobered quickly as I saw the group coming back.  “Round two?”  I muttered to Selma and she covered a laugh as a cough.  

“Usually,” the saleswoman started her pitch, “these styles are for the more full bodied clients we cater to, but, with the right adjustments, I think we can make them work for someone preparing for a new addition to their family.”  

Critically, I checked the offerings she’d brought.  Upon first inspection, they looked like regular dresses that hung in every shop a woman could shop in, but when I stood to take a closer look, I realized that first look was deceptive.  They had hems that hid the unhideable.  And-

“What’s this?”  I fingered a block of fabric that was perfectly disguised in the fabric.  

“Panels.”  The saleswoman offered with a smile.  “Added size, that works to hide the size it’s adding.”  Clever. “Is this what you were thinking of?”  

“Possibly.”  I didn’t want to give her too much confidence.  “Are there other patterns?”  Selma and the woman stared at me with shock.  “Colors?”  More silence as they took in my completely black ensemble.  “Do you have this one,”  I pulled the one that had caught my eye and spoke slow and clear as though they were all very dim witted.  “In red.”  

We left and I felt marginally better about the chance that I wouldn’t look like a barge or a sailor as I progressed.  I had the woman’s promise that, should I return to the states, I could call or have a seamstress call with my measurements and they would send my choices to me then.  Of course, it helped that I treated Selma with a few, a lot actually, new selections for her own wardrobe.  Greasing the wheel, so to speak.  

“You look relaxed,” she said, as they carefully packed her purchases into the car.  I nodded, I was tired, but I did feel relaxed.  “Good.”  They closed the boot and she started the car.  “Let’s get you back so you can really rest.”  

[quickfics]

Forward Momentum

Like any act of defiance, California’s departure from the republic was met with unsubtle excess. A detachment of the recently re-budgeted USBP were routed up from the fringes of Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. A fence went up that ran from one end of the outskirts of Yuma up along the Colorado River to New Year Lake, peppered with checkpoints at every major highway that crossed the state line. Presently, thousands poured through these checkpoints. Official separation from the U.S. was just a few hours away.

     At the Route 40 checkpoint, just under Topock Bay, Austin and his father sat on the hood of the former’s car and watched as hundreds of other families performed the same awkward dance.

     “You’re sure about this?” The older man asked.

     “Not really, no.” Austin sighed and ran a hand through his jaw-length hair. He stared out into the muted greens and browns of Mojave County’s scrubland.

     “Look, I know we don’t necessarily agree a whole lot on… well a whole lot of anything. This just seems unnecessary.”

     “I know, Dad. It’s not personal. You have to know that. It isn’t about not seeing eye to eye on ideology. I’m not running away from the family—I’m not running away at all.”

     “No, but you might as well be. Things the way they are now, it’s going to make visiting wildly unaffordable.”

     “Yeah, well, Wasn’t exactly flush with cash before all this.”

     “No, but you could manage a trip home once a year. And it didn’t break the bank for us to fly you out.”

     “Fair to say. Look, for what it’s worth, it kills me to separate seeing my parents, my sisters, with so much time. I don’t like the idea of us growing into strangers between each stretch.”

     “So why do this?”

     “Because I’m fucking miserable with the way things are. And I don’t believe it’ll get better. I don’t believe you can keep adding patches incrementally to a quilt and one day have a new one. I think at some point it’ll just be a bunch of fabric that’s barely holding itself together.”

     Despite the secession, California and the rest of America were still hopelessly entangled with one another. California was the country’s largest economy—sixth largest in the world—but hurt for water with a powerful need. An agreement was struck, and California agreed to build—and pay for—an interstate pipeline up to Oregon and Washington. The import taxes would make up for California’s absence while ensuring its perceived autonomy. 

     “Maybe this is what happens to all great empires,” Austin laughed. “You watch enough history docs to know better than I. But at some point, the division between us is just too steep, too extreme, the numbers too large, for compromise. Compromise just means immobility, now. The nation became so fundamentally, so irreparably different to such an extreme that the only solution I see—foolish as it may be—is to start fresh.”

     “You could wait it out, though. See if it takes off, then hop the fence.”

     “That’s been my whole life, Dad. I only step as far out as my measured acceptance of failure will allow me to. And what’s that gotten me? A bad attitude and a persistent singleness. No, I’d rather find purpose in struggle, in building something and trying to make it work, than unrelenting misery in comfort. Does that make any sense?”

     “More than you know, son.” The older man slid off the hood of the car. “More than you know.”