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countrymusiclover · 5 months ago

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15 - The Handmaiden’s Admirer

Part 16

The Last Velaryon

Tag list @rise-my-angel @cdragons @kmc1989

Kings Landing - A few months later

Tyrion’s pov

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I climbed out of the bed seeing that one of the servants had slipped underneath my chamber door. Picking up the envelope I tore it open seeing a Lannister seal attached to it. “This isn’t Haelesa’s handwriting meaning it’s Chez.” I muttered sitting down on the edge of the bed before I read quietly to myself.

“Dear Tyrion,

I must seal this letter to appear that it is Haelesa writing to you but as you’ve probably already figured out it is not. Your brother has been placed inside a cell and we remain in one of the camps tents per the young wolf’s request. My best friend won’t admit it but she clearly has feelings for him. I haven’t spoken to her about us yet. I wish I could talk about our relationship truly considering we only were together until Jaime led the Lannister army into battle. Anyway you should know I miss you, my lion.”

yours, Chezney”

Closing the paper in my hands I stared silently at it wishing she was here. My father and sister could never know about these letters for they would go after her. Father already didn’t like me and he would say I was discraing the family name if I married someone below my station a second time. If we were lucky Chezney and I could marry once the war was won for good.

Sitting in the small council room we had finally received a letter from Robb Stark’s camp and my sister took the paper from our cousin reading it aloud for all. “From this time until the end of time we are not part of your realm but a free and independent kingdom of the North” - he has more spirit then his father I’ll give him that.” She tore the paper into four separate pieces.

“You’ve perfected the art of tearing up papers. We can give him his father’s bones back as a show of good faith.”

My sister eyed our cousin. “You’ll give the Stark’s our reply, cousin.

He nodded, being escorted out of the room. “I will, your Grace.”

“At the very least we should be grateful that our brother and his wife are still alive and that the Stark boy hasn’t taken their heads.”

She rolled her eyes in my direction. “Oh shut up. The only thing I want from your mouth is a plan on how we can get our brother back and that ridiculous Velaryon girl father forced him to wed.”

“You can’t blame our father for your misery when he is unaware of how close you and Jaime really are.” Leaning back in my chair I could speak the truth that only a small handful of people knew about in the Seven Kingdoms.

My sister looked at me like she wanted to bitch slap me across the face at my remark. “What did I just say could come from your mouth!”

“You’re forgetting that this Velaryon girl may have more under her name than you realize.”

“What do you mean?” Cersei asked me.

“If you would let me finish you might hear my answer. The Velaryon house may almost all be gone but they are loyal to Robert’s house which you control. Her father owns a very large fleet. If you return his daughter back safely he will be very loyal to our part in the war.”

I had to bite the inside of my lip fighting my instinct to not tell her that I hoped Chezney would get my letter to tell Haelesa to write to her father and see where her father’s loyalty truly lied. “That is probably one of the smartest things you’ve ever said. Deliver what words need to be sent to a messenger who shall deliver it through a Raven.”

“I’ll leave right now to do so. I think this is the first we’ve actually plotted together.”

My sister rose from her chair leaving the room before I grumbled under her breath. “Don’t get used to it, you little monster.”

“Gods help me.” I whispered to the ceiling not wanting my friends to get hurt and for my brother to be returned home without too much blood shed on my hands.

Stark Camp - Haelesa’s pov

“Ahh. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you have improved much from the first time.” I threw my head back when we separated our bodies from the other and I hopped around pulling my trousers back up needing to hide the deed that we had just done.

Yanking my cloak on and over my shoulders I clipped it closes together looking at Jaime who was chaining himself back up since I had under done them with a key I stole from the guard who was asleep. “I wouldn't have ever guessed you were a woman who wants sex half the time.”

“Are you complaining about my services because we can stop then right here right now.” I threatened him.

Jaime held up his hands in surrender. “God's no! You've made me sitting in my own shit for months less worse.”

“If you want to keep it this way then don’t mock me with that arrogant attitude of yours. Now I best be going, Kingslayer.” Spinning around on my feet I exited the cell suddenly tumbling to the dirt when I bumped into someone and we toppled to the ground tangled up in the others limbs. “Ow! Hey, watch where you’re going - Robb?”

He rubbed his head tousling his already messy curls around seeing it was me through the thin amount of light the torches could provide. “Hael? What were you doing in there with him?”

“Um - telling him how you are going to win this war against his family of course.”

He slowly pushed himself up to stand helping me up from the harsh dirt. “Did he hurt you? Your clothing is twisted about.” His eyes scanned over my form seeing my cloak was wrinkled which wasn’t common for me and my tunic appeared to be thrown on in a haste showing more of my chest than I normally liked to.

“Oh, I’m fine. Must have gotten that way from the fall. I’m sorry I took you down with my clumsiness.” I did the best I could to fix my shirt and didn’t bother with the cloak since the wind blew slowly around us regardless.

The wolf boy nodded, staring at me for a long time before he ever spoke his next words. “Well I was actually coming to find you. I was wondering if you’d accompany me for a walk this morning. If you’ve got time of course.”

“Chezney will likely still be asleep. She’s not a morning person, so I am completely free.”

A genuine smile crossed his features. “Great then let’s go, my lady.”

We didn’t walk too far away from camp since the sun had just started rising over the mountains and providing us with warm daylight. Robb and I walked almost in sync with one another in a comfortable silence just listening to the sounds of the animals and winds of the forest. “I have been meaning to find you and speak with you about what happened between us.”

“Robb, I really don’t wish to talk about that situation anymore. You can think whatever you wish. So long as I am living in your camp I must follow the commands of the king giving me a place to stay.”

He paused in his step reaching down and grasping my right hand in his gloved one. “Haelesa, please let me apologize for not giving you the opportunity to defend yourself. You deserve to tell me your side of the story and I am here to listen to you.”

“If you wish to know, Jaime asked if I would give him one final kiss thinking he was going to be killed that night. It may have appeared as if I had started the kiss but it truly had nothing to do with it. I was simply giving him one last request.”

Robb softly nodded his head squeezing my hand that he was still holding in his larger one. “Thank you for telling me, Hael. I believe what you’re telling me.”

“Thanks for believing in me.” I sent him a smile.

“Gaomagon ao shijetra issa? - ( Do you forgive me )”

“Wha - what did you say to me?”

Robb simply answered. “You know what I said.”

“I do. But I wish to know how. I’ve only taught you the basics so how do you know how to speak Valyrian without my help?” I knitted my brows together having a guess of what he had done but I noted that his effort meant something to me.

Robb spoke in my family’s language once more and my heart skipped a few beats when he did. “Syt se past month se tolī nyke emagon spent issa spare jēda rūsīr issa bartos buried isse se valyrīha udrir bona ao lent issa. - ( For the past month and more I have spent my spare time with my head buried in the Valyrian language that you lent me.)”

“Nyke’m proud hen aōha efforts, robb. Lo īlva circumstances istan different issa families lentor olvie likely would’ve supported ao sir isse bisa vīlībāzma. Lo īlon ēdan wed - ( I’m proud of your efforts, Robb. If our circumstances were different my families house most likely would’ve supported you now in this war. If we had wed.)”

Robb shifted his feet pressing our chests against one another with our noses brushing the other taking my voice away when he had asked a question I wasn’t expecting him to. “Who says the circumstances have to be different now. Why can’t we be wed now you and I?”

Drawing my head slightly back I tried to remove my hand from his grasp but he wouldn’t allow me to gently tightening his grip waiting for a reply. “Because you’ve been betrothed off to Frey's daughter. I am the wife of Jaime Lannister and you - you have to marry her. You made a vow to her family-“

“I don’t care about my vow. I don’t want to marry the Frey girl.”

I stuttered for more words but nothing came. “Robb-“

“Will you marry me or not, Haelesa Velaryon?” I remained frozen staring into his eyes wishing I knew what to say to him asking for my hand here and now.

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blueshistorysims · 11 months ago

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September 1920, Harlem, Manhattan, New York, New York

“Byron?” Stella asked one morning in her bed, laying on his bare chest.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever thought about being married?”

“Truthfully, I’ve never had a girl long enough to even consider it. You’re the first woman I’ve been with that’s lasted this long.”

“Hmm. Are you against it?”

“No. It has its economic and social advantages. Not just for love. Any good marriage I think should be built on friendship, not romance. Those tend to be happier.”

“Would you want to get married?”

He sat up, perplexed. “Are you proposing to me?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why not? Your father would murder me. And I thought interracial marriage was illegal in America.”

“Not in New York. It’s just severely frowned upon. There’s no laws against it. What about your England?”

“The same,” he mumbled, still stunned by her question. “Why should we be married?”

“Why not? Like you said, economic reasons. And truthfully, I like a good scandal.”

“You’re playing with fire, Stella.”

“We’re friends. We already practically live together with all the sex we have. And Toussant likes you. He likes no one.”

“I don’t love you. Well, not in the way I should.”

“We could learn to.” She smiled. “What? You’re not interested?”

“I didn’t say that.” He sighed. “Let me put clothes on first.”

Byron sighed. “You really want to get married?”

“I’m feeling spontaneous. You’re graduating from Columbia in the spring regardless. I’d like you to have a reason to stay.”

“When would you want to do this?”

“This Saturday.”

“We would need a marriage license. No judge in their right mind would give it to us.”

She chuckled. “Byron, darling. There is this amazing method called bribery. Works like charm involving anything government-related.”

He sighed. “If we are to be married. I want to make a personal contract. Between ourselves. Not anything legal. More like a promise. Or a vow.”

“What are your demands?”

“This would be monogamous. You’re not only the only person I see, but if we marry, then I’d stop that.”

“Like that?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“I agree. You’re not my only lover either.”

“And I’d like to help with paying rent. I won’t freeload.”

“You can’t afford to pay half of my monthly rent.”

“I can pay a quarter.”

“Can you?”

“...a fifth then.” He swallowed. “And what are we to wear?”

She smirked. “Leave that to me.”

“You’re really eloping with Stella?”

“It seems so,” Byron muttered. “She’s a hard woman to say no to.”

“I suppose that’s the end of our fling.”

“Yeah.” He frowned. “I’ll miss it. But we’ll always be friends?”

“Of course.”

He swallowed. “Did you tell her that you sleep with men too?”

Byron shook his head. “No. I’m afraid that I’ll reveal you if I do. Besides, I don’t need to worry about that if we were to be married.

Samson looked wary. “I don’t think that’s something to keep secret, Byron.”

“It’ll be fine,” he insisted, though he was trying to convince himself more than his friend.

The other man clearly didn’t believe him.

“You would like a marriage license?” The judge asked, glancing at the pair. “For this Saturday?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you making this marriage to get a hold into the United States, young man?”

“No, not at all. I’m dearly in love with my girl, and we see no reason to wait,” he lied, giving the judge an innocent smile.

He turned to Samson. “And what’s your business in all this?”

“I’ll be one of the witnesses. He’s marrying my cousin.”

The judge began to laugh. “...You’re serious?”

“Extremely.”

“And what makes you think I’ll give you a license?”

Byron slid over the fifty dollars Stella had given him. “Another fifty once you marry us. My girl father’s is Jedidiah Gardenhouse. This here is Samson Gardenhouse, son of Tobias Gardenhouse.”

He stared at the two young men before pocketing the cash. “...Saturday morning. Nine o’clock. No later, no sooner. Understand?”

“Yes.”

Saturday

Thaddeus walked his sister down the aisle as Campbell and Samson stood as witnesses. Campbell didn’t look too happy about the wedding, but he said nothing. Thaddeus didn’t like the idea, but it didn’t surprise him. Stella liked making statements. And what better than to marry a white middle-class Englishman?

#the walshes #the walsh legacy #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 decades #sims 4 historical #ts4 story #sims 4 history challenge #ts4 historical #ts4 decades challenge #1920s #ts4 1920s #tw sex mention #tw racism #byron walsh #stella gardenhouse #thaddeus gardenhouse #samson gardenhouse

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izumi-fanclub · 2 years ago

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A3! Event Story Translation “SSR Family” [ Epilogue ]

Enough excuses, enough delay, here it is.

Konomi’s wedding is finally over, just in time for taruchi’s anniversary stream.

Itaru Phew…

Chikage Mission accomplished, I take it.

Sakuya Welcome back! How’d the wedding go?

Itaru I’m drained as hell. Ah, Juza, I got you some goodies to munch on.

Juza Baumkuchen?* Thanks.

Izumi Was the wedding ceremony in a church?

Itaru Yep. Seems like sis called the shots on it. The church had some pretty gorgeous stained glass and everything.

Izumi Woaahh! That sounds really lovely~.

Citron I want to attend such a church as well!

Tsuzuru Don’t you mean hold a wedding ceremony in one?

Chikage If one of the Spring Troupe members ever get married, we’ll all be there.

Masumi I’ll only have the director there, not any of you.

Citron Oh!? We will be on the lookout outside then!

Masumi But if it’s the wedding reception, I wouldn’t mind handing out invites.

Itaru We’d definitely need a family table for our seating.

Masumi I’ll have an original movie screened of how I met the director at the reception. (Roughly 2 and a half hours.)*

Tsuzuru That’s longer than a feature-length film.

Chikage Sounds like an authentic documentary.

Masumi The company will then hold a Spring Troupe original based on my meeting with the director up till now.

Tsuzuru A performance on top of a damn movie?!

Chikage How many times can we even be shown the same song and dance?

Sakuya Ahaha.

Itaru Then again, it’s also a bit weird having a brother-in-law.

Tsuzuru Yeah, I get what you mean. My second brother’s married, too, whenever my sister-in-law drops by, I get a little nervous. Might be because my siblings are just a bunch of dudes, not a single sister in sight.

Izumi Do you think you’ll get along with your brother-in-law?

Itaru At first I was tense cause he felt like too much of a normie, until I found out he kept getting his ass handed to him every day in the game I lent him. So I’m coaching him in online play about once a week so he’d stop taking Ls. You get to bond with someone fast when chatting together while gaming.

Tsuzuru It’s kind of like communicating in a way only you can do through games.

Itaru Gaming’s the best communication tool out there. Masumi and I even had a heart-to-heart moment during his performance as Alex.*

Masumi We barely broke the ice.

Itaru That’s right, speaking of games,《taruchi》is gonna have his 7th anniversary stream next weekend.

Tsuzuru Talk about sudden.

Itaru Senpai’s overseas business trip schedule lands on that weekend. I’ll ping the whole company in our LIME chat about Room 103 on Saturday and Sunday. Thanks for not disturbing.

Sakuya You’re gonna play Kniroun VII with challenges set, right? I’ll tune in on the stream.

Itaru Ah, I had VII in mind at first but I ended up going with a different numbering.

Itaru Sleep— check, food— check, water— check, backup equipment in case of emergencies— check. Alright, let’s do this. …

《taruchi》 Good evening. Since it’s the 7th anniversary, I’ll talk about some memories I’ve had of my activities before I go on. I was actually planning to play Kniroun VII since it’s my 7th anniv active. But in the spirit of looking back on memory lane, I’ve decided to just do an endurance stream of the remastered version of Kniroun I that I played in my first ever stream. By the way, I’m not running away cause the challenge set is hella hard. Don’t jump to conclusions. Ah, I’ve kept most of the archives from my early days private cause I cringe at it. It’s gaining traction from people today, but back then it was completely dry and lonely. Fr, fr. The oldest viewer I had was this interesting person, kind of a hater, really. That user hasn’t commented in a while. I was able to do my best since there’s someone who’s there to watch, even if it’s just one. That person has led me to where I am today and I’m grateful for it all. Hey, that listener back then! You living life happily these days?

Itaru …Hm?

Nomin “Pretty happy.”

Itaru (lets out a small laugh to himself.)

Story Clear!

[ Prev. Chap. ]

----T/N----

A baumkuchen cake is akin to a bundt cake, in other words, think of a donut shaped cake.

Yes, he did say this with parentheses in his dialogue box.

This is a reference to a scene in the Event play “Alex/Boy Alice In Wonderland” wherein Masumi and Itaru open up to each other while playing against each other in an arcade.

#a3 #a3!#a3 translation #a3! trans #a3! translation #a3! event story translation #ssr family #epilogue #itaru chigasaki #sakuya sakuma #masumi usui #tsuzuru minagi #citron #chikage utsuki #juza hyodo #OTSUKAREEEE #im so sorry it took... like forever

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observeowl · 2 years ago

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Next Chance N.R

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: 5 years after Natasha's pregnancy, they talk about having a second kid and potentially R carrying

Your POV

It’s been a few years since Nat gave birth to Riley. And now she’s five. How time has flown.

Nat proposed and we got married once Riley hit one. She is loved by her uncles and aunties who often volunteered to babysit her whenever Nat and I wanted to go out on a date. It was just a small wedding at the backyard of the compound no matter how much Tony wanted to offer us a grand wedding. We also didn’t go on a honeymoon because we couldn’t bear to leave Riley behind for so long.

It’s tough getting the parenting part down. We wanted the best for her and at the same time not forcing her, gave her the chance to explore. We tried being patient with her, gave her the respect and space she deserves. If she’s not crying and running away, I guess we are doing our jobs alright? It’s tough when one parent is away for a period of time.

Did I mention that we were still staying in the compound? It was only us and Wanda on our floor. Initially, we were considering moving to an entire new floor but we thought it would be better to stay. It was easier that way to have another pair of eyes on Riley.

“Darling, what are you thinking about? Riley and I have been trying to get your attention.” Natasha shook me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry, I was daydreaming.”

“It’s okay momma. We were wondering if you want to head down for dinner?” Riley asked.

“Sure. Let’s go princess.” I picked her up and acted as if I was going to throw her in the air causing her to squeal and hold my arms. I could never get tired of hearing her laughter.

“Seriously, what were you thinking about?” Nat whispered in my ears as we took the elevator down.

“I’ll tell you after dinner.”

Dinner at the table was entertaining mostly because of Riley talking about her day in school. Nat and I wanted to provide her as normal of a life as possible. It was mostly me who would fetch and pick her up from school as I was the lesser known Avenger, mostly assisting at the side line. On times when I go for missions, Nat or Wanda would be the one to do so.

After putting Riley to bed, Natasha asked worriedly. “Darling… what’s on your mind?” Thinking it may be something bad in my mind.

“Just… Do you really want another kid?” I asked. “I know we discussed this when you were pregnant with Riley but is it really necessary for me too?”

Nat held my hand. “I’m not going to force you if you don’t want to, because it is your body at the end of it.”

“Should we discuss this with Riley? She is part of our family too.” I asked. I wouldn’t want her to feel left out and having a sibling is kinda a big deal especially when she’s still young.

“Sure, we can ask her tomorrow after she comes home from school.” Nat said before we both drift off to sleep.

---

“Princess, can mummy and I talk to you for a second?” We went into her room to see her playing with her toys and half done drawing on her table. I ignored the mess in her room for the time being knowing it wasn’t past her play time yet. There wasn’t any reason to keep the place tidy until later.

“Yes momma?” She looked at me while her toys were in her hand.

I don’t know how to approach this so I looked towards Nat for help. I’ve never had this conversation before and so did Nat but I figured she was better with her words.

“Princess, what do you think of being an older sister? Having a sibling?” Nat said after receiving the hint.

Riley froze for a second and I glanced at Nat not knowing what that reaction meant. She started crying and I knew she disliked the idea. “Momma and mummy don’t like me anymore?” She said in between her cry.

“No no no, that’s not it.” I quickly went to hug her and placed her on my lap. “We thought you would like to have someone to play with. Of course, sometimes the baby could be annoying but you get to help us to take care of the baby.” I tried calming her down and reassuring her that no one was going to take her place and we were going to love her the same.

“You are special princess. You were the one who made us mothers. No one else can do that.” Nat said and took Riley in her lap.

“Okay… I wanna be a big sister.” Riley said with a smile peeking through.

“That’s the smile that I love.” I said, pinching her cheeks.

“Momma…” She said turning away and burying her face in Nat’s chest.

---

So with approval from Riley, Nat and I once again went to look for Bruce and Tony. Since they have done this before and I have an actual uterus, it went a lot quicker this time.

“Come back two weeks later and we can have another check to confirm if you’re pregnant or not.” Bruce said.

“Okay, thanks.”

Over the next two weeks, I had to let Nat inject me with the serum because I was weak against needles. Having to constantly be injected for two weeks was not fun but it was a process we had to take.

“Okay, this is the last one. We can check with Bruce tomorrow.” Nat said, rubbing the spot she injected. “How are you feeling?”

“Scared and nervous at the same time.”

“There’s nothing to be sacred about. I’ll be here for you all the time. Just like you did for me.”

---

“Are we ready?” Bruce asked and for some reason, I was feeling a lot more anxious than yesterday. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if the result turned out to be negative but my heart was beating out of my chest.

Nat gave my hand a tight squeeze and I laid down on the table to let Bruce do whatever checks he needed.

“Congrats. We’ll be having another mini you running around in the compound.” Bruce told us.

“We did it!!”

Since we’ve been through this before, Bruce roughly summarised to us what needed to be done before letting us go.

While walking back to our room, we were discussing how we were going to break the news to Riley. She knew we were trying for a baby but actually telling her she was going to be a big sister was another reality all together.

“We could get her new clothes that say ‘big sister’ on it.” Nat suggested.

“Together with baby clothes that say ‘younger sibling’ ?”

“Yeah we could do that.”

We went out to buy the supplies needed and Tony told us that we were going to celebrate with a party. There was really no use keeping this from the team because Tony’s big mouth was going to slip out one day.

We brought Riley to the party as well, since it was just a team party. She sat next to me enjoying her juice the entire time while using my phone. I’m pretty sure she was sitting next to me peacefully because of my phone.

Everyone congratulated me and Nat when we were at the party and halfway, we brought out the box for Riley. She looked at me curiously and I nodded for her to open the box.

She gasped as she saw the content and lifted up my shirt which I pushed down immediately. “Do not do that Riley!!” I was embarrassed as she essentially just showed my body to the team. Not that they have never seen it before because when I was injured they would have to cut open my suit but I was unconscious then.

“Sneaky princess. Trying to show off my wife here?” Nat teased her.

“Sorry momma. There’s a baby in there?”

“Yup, but it’s really small now.” I used my hand and made the smallest possible circle I could make.

The party continued with all the music and drinks and now I could feel how Nat felt when she was unable to consume any alcohol. So, I sat by Riley as I shared her drink while watching the rest party their hearts out.

Soon, Riley fell asleep by my side and I told Nat that I was going to bring her back to bed first and do the same for myself.

I heard the door open and Nat stumbling in having drank a few glasses of vodka. “Baby, are you okay?” I asked worriedly as she was unable to walk in a straight line. She was usually able to control how much she drank.

“I’m okay. Just go back to sleep baby.” Nat said. At least she was in the compound drunk and not elsewhere.

I don’t know how much time passed but I felt the bed dipped next to me, I thought it was Nat but I was surprised to see Riley next to me. “Riley? What are you doing here?” I rubbed my eyes sleepily.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” She gave me the puppy eyes knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist them.

“Alright, just tonight.” I picked her up and placed her in between me and Nat so she wouldn’t fall off the bed. Nat was sleeping soundly due to the alcohol as she would normally be awake from the movement in bed. “Goodnight princess.” I placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Goodnight momma.” She said while snuggling closer to me.

---

I heard laughter next to me and I stirred and grumbled slightly.

“Shhhh, we don’t want to wake momma up.” I could clearly hear Nat say. I kept my eyes closed pretending to be asleep. “Why don’t you go back to your room to play and I’ll come and get you for breakfast later?”

“Okay.” Riley whispered and I could hear the door open and close before opening my eyes. I was thankful that Riley was taking being a big sister better than I expected. I was making the bed when Natasha came back.

“Morning, did you have a hangover?” I asked her, remembering how she walked into the room yesterday.

“I’m Russian. I don’t get a hangover.”

“Alright, if you say so. Let’s go, I want to have my breakfast.”

---

Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I have been feeling a lot more sluggish. I don’t remember Nat feeling that way when she was carrying Riley. I spent the majority of my day laying in bed and scrolling through social media on my phone. I hardly have the energy to get out of bed and when I do, I would be out of breath even just getting down to the living room.

Natasha POVI saw Y/N out of breath as she came down to the living room. I have been worried about her since she shouldn’t be feeling this tired. Sure, she was going to be more tired since she was a few weeks in, but we were just in the beginning.

“Baby, are you feeling alright? You’re paler than I liked you to be.” I sat next to her and cupped her face. Her eyes were closing as she mumbled something that I couldn’t hear before collapsing in my arms. “Baby! Baby! Y/N!”

I was panicking as I brought Y/N to the medbay to look for Bruce. “BRUCE! HELP!” I shouted for him as I carried my unconscious wife into the medbay.

“What happened? Lay her down, quick.” Bruce went to take his stethoscope and listen to her heartbeat. He took a sample of her blood for testing to get more information as I stayed with Y/N until he got her results.

“It seems like Y/N has a slight iron deficiency which explains why she passed out as the nutrients are split between her and the baby.” Bruce explained to me. This seemed in line with the time when Y/N passed out faster than I expected after getting shot.

“It’s better for her to not do any strenuous activity until the baby is more developed and don’t forget to remind her to take her vitamins.” I heaved a sigh of relief now knowing it was nothing serious. It’s unfair how she has been preparing all her life every month and she’s suffering more than I did.

“Riley! What are you doing here?” I said when I saw her walking in.

“Why is momma sleeping here?” She tilted her head innocently.

“Because momma is slightly sick.”

“Can I cuddle with momma like she did with me when I’m sick?”

“Alright, come here.” I picked Riley up so she could get in bed with Y/N. “You know you’re stealing my spot, I was supposed to cuddle with momma.” I booped her nose playfully after I covered both of them.

“Momma’s mine.” She wrapped her arms around her securely and pouted.

“Can you share?”

“I guess so…”

---

So, the next few days consisted of me and Riley making sure that Y/N stayed in bed as much as possible unless it was absolutely necessary for her to get out. I also told Riley to be more careful around Y/N since she wanted to be by her side accompanying her which was great since I have to leave for work during the day as well.

I tried to pop in as much as possible especially during the time of day when Y/N has to take her vitamins knowing she would forget them after procrastinating. Wanda also tried to check in on her as much as she could when I couldn’t and I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

“How are you feeling today baby?” I asked as I brought her dinner up. Riley was having her with her uncles and aunties.

“Better I guess. I’m not always feeling lethargic the whole day.”

I nodded, it was an improvement. I could see she had a lot more energy as she spoke about how her day went and what she did with Riley. As she talked, I couldn’t help but feel blessed that I have such an amazing and strong woman to call as my wife.

Her yawn caught my attention and instructed her to go to bed. She pouted at me and I know how frustrating it can be confined to a bed, but it was for her and her baby. “I want you to cuddle with me. Riley has been great but I missed your touch.”

“Fine, you win. I’ll ask someone to pick up the plates.”

“Yay!”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Y/N laid in my arms and drifted off to sleep quickly. I quietly told FRIDAY to inform Wanda to come up to our room to pick up our plates.

“Aww, you too look so cute together.” Wanda cooed when she came in.

“Don’t wake up my wife and don’t forget to take Riley to bed.” I whispered.

“Of course, I’m the best auntie.” She huffed before leaving.

---

Finally Y/N was more stable the next few months and have started moving around a lot more compared to before. We’ve been to a couple more ultrasound sessions and the baby seemed to be doing well. Since she was already showing, she started to steal my maternity clothes from when I had Riley. Not that she doesn’t already steal my clothes on a regular basis.

“Here you go.” I passed her the vitamins and she swallowed them with a gulp of water.

“Momma, can I talk to the baby?”

“Sure.” She nodded.

Riley poked her belly as if she was dialing on a mobile phone, notifying the baby she was ‘calling’. “Hello, I’m Riley, your older sister. I heard I was pretty comfortable when I was in mummy’s tummy so I hope you are too. I can’t wait to meet and play with you. I love you.” Riley made a small wave which made my heart swoon. She is going to be such an adorable older sibling.

“Aww princess, you’re too cute.” Y/N kissed Riley’s cheeks which made me know that she felt the same.

“Goodnight momma and mummy.” We tucked her in before turning off the light and leaving her room quietly.

In our room, we were cuddling as Y/N was craving for physical touch. Her belly was significantly larger as she’s now at seven months. “You’re so beautiful.” I reminded her. Suddenly she chuckled, making me look down at her.

“It’s one thing to feel the baby kicking your hand and another thing to feel the baby kicking in your body.” She said.

“They are kicking?” I placed my hand on her belly and I felt another kick immediately. “That’s why I wanted you to feel the joy of being pregnant.”

“Go to sleep. You should rest.”

Your POV

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache and the room was spinning even though I’m pretty sure I slept throughout the night.

“Nat.” I spoke softly and shook her shoulders. “Nat, I don’t feel too good.” She immediately shot up and took a look at me.

“Oh baby, why are you sweating?” She saw beats of sweat dripping from my forehead. “And you’re boiling.”

Drained of energy to speak, I could only mouth to Nat ‘I don’t know’ but I wasn’t sure if I moved my mouth enough for her to understand.

Natasha POV

Oh my god. Why is this happening again? Why does her pregnancy have to be so tough on her? “FRIDAY, ask Bruce to come up here immediately. Tell him it’s an emergency and to bring his equipment.”

“You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. Nothing is going to happen.” I kept whispering next to her ears as we waited for Bruce to come. It broke my heart to see her suffer when she’s carrying our child.

“When did this start?” Bruce asked.

“This morning. We just woke up.” Bruce nodded and started checking on her by taking her temperature. Y/N was sweating but she was shivering all over.

“I’ll take her blood for a test to make sure she’s not having a flu or any infections. Try to keep her temperature lower.” Bruce told me before leaving with a vial of her blood.

I took a cold towel and constantly wiped her sweat off and decreased the temperature of the room. Riley came into the room and I had to guide her out because I didn’t want her to see Y/N that way and I didn’t want to risk Riley infecting Y/N even though I was pretty sure she was not sick.

Bruce came back fifteen minutes later with an unreadable expression on his face and I couldn’t tell if I should brace myself for bad news or was it going to be okay?

“Y/N only has a fever as far as I can tell. Thank goodness she has no flu or infection which could have affected the development of the fetus. As long as we try to bring down the fever as soon as possible, it’s okay.” He proceeded to give her a prescription of antibiotics.

Just as he finished explaining, Riley knocked and peeked into the room. Only her head entered as I saw Wanda behind her. “Can I see momma now?”

“Yes princess.” She darted in the room and jumped on the bed. “Careful, you don’t want to be hurting yourself or momma.” Both Wanda and Riley stayed with us for a while before heading down for lunch and Riley was getting bored.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked Y/N when she had woken up.

“Better. Thanks.” She took the pill I handed to her with a glass of water. “You know, I was thinking… I would want to have a C-section. I wouldn’t be able to last the entire labor.”

I sat next to her and tucked her hair behind her. “It’s your body, it’s up to you to make a decision, I can’t force you. If that’s what you want then I’ll support you fully.” I smiled sweetly at her.

“What did I do to deserve you?” She smiled cheekily.

“Nothing. I’m the lucky one.” I pressed our foreheads together and gave her peck before pulling away. “Just a few more weeks and we can see the baby.”

“I can’t wait.”

---

Now at nine months and Y/N could be having the baby any moment, we’ve been a lot more on our toes. We tried to keep her seated as much as possible but she was stubborn as always giving excuses such as ‘I need to pee’ or ‘I am uncomfortable’ to move around.

Plus she was getting a lot more irritated easily and snapped at almost anyone. I don’t even know how she dealt with me when I was pregnant with Riley.

“Nat!!” She screamed and I ran even though I wasn’t far from here.

“What’s wrong?”

“My water broke.”

“Oh my god. Let’s get you to Bruce.”

I helped Y/N from the couch and we slowly walked over to the medbay. Everything was already set up and the room were booked in advance since they knew Y/N planned on doing a C-section. More people started coming in as Y/N got ready and laid on the bed.

“You sure you don’t want to experience some contraction first?” I asked.

“Don’t joke with me Natasha.” Alright, she didn’t call me by any nickname, time to stop all the teasing.

“We are going to inject you with anesthesia and we only have a few minutes to take the baby out.” Bruce explained to us the procedure before injecting Y/N. “I’m going to start now.” He took his scalpel and made an incision on Y/N belly and soon, we could see our baby.

I went to cut the cord and Bruce said “Congratulations, it’s a boy.” amidst his yelling. After cleaning him up, he passed our baby to Y/N and placed him on her chest for some skin-to-skin contact.

“The baby is healthy despite all the obstacles.”

“I just realised something Nat.” Y/N said, looking at me with a blank face. My heart was beating faster, thinking it was some bad thing. “We forgot to discuss baby names.”

“You’re lucky your wife did. I was thinking of Ronan.”

“Ronan… Ronan Romanoff. I like it.” Both of us looked down at the little human in Y/N arms, knowing everyone would love him. Our happy family of four.

#natasha x you #black widow 2021 #natasha x reader #marvel #avengers #marvel movies #Next chance #my writing

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death-and-other-myths · 2 years ago

Text

The Wicked King Deadass Book Review

The sequel to the cruel prince. Cardon is crueler. Jude is progressively becoming more morally gray and creeping everyone out. Taryn continues to suck.

What will happen in this next thrilling installment?!

This is an unhinged book review of The Wicked King By Holly Black

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

It’s 5 months into Cardon’s reign and Jude is his advisor. Things are going fine. At least in the sense that no wars have broken out and no one has been assassinated. There’s one small incident where an old witch woman tries to gift Cardon with a shirt spun from spider’s web, but he’s clever enough to figure out if he accepted it, he would have been enchanted to marry her daughter. I mean Cardon is drunk, not stupid.

He and Jude have a great thing going where she poses as his advisor and has to carefully word things not to sound like a command. He is constantly trying to wrangle out of her clutches and find loopholes to freedom, but she keeps him on a short, unseen leash.

Taryn comes to visit and it’s the first time they’ve talked since shit went down. She marries Locke in a few weeks or something. Jude is defensive but really misses her sister so she says cool. Taryn wants to make up, and says that Maddok isn’t even that mad about the whole “poisoning him and locking him in a closet so she could kidnap his son” thing.

Jude is like uh huh… thanks for bringing my stuffed animals. I’ll think about coming to the wedding. Let’s try to be friends again. Then Taryn leaves and Jude promptly throws the stuffed animals in the fire.

MONSTER.

The assassin crew keeps intercepting letters from Belkin as he writes from his sad little prison tower. Jude goes there to say “Cut it out” and he flexes by asking one of the guards to slap her. Jude keeps her cool until she’s about to leave, then stabs the guard with a poison needle and kidnaps him. She takes him back to the palace and they get this guy to squeal that Queen Orla of the Undersea keeps coming to visit Belkin and leaves him gifts like shells and shit. Jude is like okay COOL that’s not good. What are these mermaid people scheming?

When she goes back to the palace she finds Ho-Ass Locke chatting it up with Cardon and Cardon decides to make Locke Master of Revelries. So basically a party planner lol. This pisses Jude off to no end as her future brother-in-law is a total trickster and slut, and probably up to no good. It unnerves her that Cardon seems happy. She doesn’t want him happy. She wants him miserable and under her shoe.

Jude is still poisoning herself to build up a tolerance and has a weird night where she wakes up with papers and ink all over her like she was trying to write something in her sleep.

Then she gets summoned because Cardon and Locke were up all night drinking and sexing girls in his royal bedroom/apartment thing. And there’s been an INCIDENT. Jude gets down there and finds Cardon’s apartment in shambles. Like everything is broken. The curtains are shredded. There’s a fire in the corner. This isn’t me being funny. THERE IS LITERALLY A FIRE IN THE CORNER. People are passed out drunk everywhere. It’s the scene from the Hangover in there.

But that’s not the issue. The issue is that Cardon was shot with an arrow while he was banging some girl high off his ass on gold stuff. He’s not fatally injured. Just grazed. But it’s enough to make Jude and the assassin gang be like “Oh shit, which way did they go?” - and he points to the wall. Jude finds a hidden passage and goes by herself. On the other side, she finds the original king’s bedroom (which is ridiculously huge and has a tree in it). And on the dead king’s bed, she finds Nicasia with a crossbow.

Turns out she was trying to shoot the girl Cardon was with (like a dumb, dumb idiot, which Jude explains). She’s all upset because she and Cardon were a thing, then Nicasia left Cardon for Locke, who then left her for Taryn. Because Jude has Nicasia in a precarious situation, she decides to milk this moment for some info and is like “WHY IS YOUR MOTHER FUCKING AROUND WITH ME I MEAN THE KING?”

And Nicasia reveals that queen Orla thinks Cardon is an unfit king, and wants her to marry him so she can rule Faerie land like… through her daughter. Jude asks what she wants with Belkin and Nicasia is like “Eh nothing. She just likes giving him shells.” and Jude is like “That’s bullshit. She’s keeping him happy as a plan B.” And Nicasia is like “Whatevs, I told you all I know. But just so you know, someone close to you has already betrayed you.” and leaves.

That rattles Jude a little.

She thinks it’s Cardon. So she goes back and tells everyone the assassin got away. Then she hauls sexy-ass Cardon (all open shirt and still on like 12 different drugs. Thanks Locke.) to his feet and drags him to her room. He can’t sleep in his because he destroyed it partying. He can’t sleep in the king’s quarters because it’s like... Too soon. Not comfortable doing that. So she throws him on her bed and he flirts with her a little, then asks her to kiss him until he’s sick of it. Then he passes out after saying something like “I don’t know what I was thinking. You can’t be both the poison and the cure.”

Jude stays up all night holding her sword and watching him sleep. Because she’s a creeper. And she doesn’t yet know the difference between liking someone and wanting to kill them I guess.

In the morning, she gives him a new set of commands that is like “You can never order me restrained, detained, injured, killed, etc. You can’t raise a hand to me or make anyone else hurt me for you, etc. etc.” and his reaction to this is hilarious. I love that he openly displays behavior making it clear he hates her, but he’s also super offended that she even needs to prescribe commands like this.

He’s literally like “Okay WHATEVER. Wasn’t GOING TO ANYWAY you horrible bitch who I also can’t stop pining after.”

And Jude is like good. That’s taken care of.

(I suspect it’s going to be TARYN WHO BETRAYS HER. DUN DUN DUNNNN. But we have to see.)

Yeah so anyway, Taryn goes to her sister and is like “Help, my fiance is a total slut.” -- and Jude is like “Um. You know this. You knew this when you started dating him, and he was also going after me. He told you to your face that he likes stirring up drama for shits and giggles. Like.. what are we surprised about here?”

And Taryn says she’s fine with Locke taking other lovers, but she’s not fine with him being away from her being this “Master of Parties” thing. Jude is like neat. Cool. Get therapy. But because she’s her sister, she tries to talk to Cardon about maybe keeping an eye on Locke. Not just because he is such a massive hoe, but because she’s got enough problems with Orla of the Undersea trying to either assassinate or marry Cardon.

Also Jude had a meeting with some kind of high council where they talked over her and were super condescending. (Like, as they should be. These creates are 100’s of years old). And they wouldn’t listen to Jude’s warnings about Orla. And they also said some cryptic, but beautiful stuff about how the king has a kind of unspoken power over even nature in the world of ELFHAIM.

Since Cardon came into power, the smells are smellier. The storms come in stronger. Everything is brighter and more alive. When he’s drunk, his subjects get tipsy. And when he bleeds, things grow. (That’s almost verbatim what’s written. I remembered it because it’s pretty.)

So the parties are becoming more frequent and more violent. And this particular one is at night for some kind of night hunt. Cardon tells Jude she should go home. He also tells her he’d like to get to a point where they work together because they trust each other, and not because she is literally using him as a meat puppet. But Jude is like “NO. I WILL NEVER RELINQUISH CONTROL OR TRUST YOU. YOU BIG DUMB PUPPET. God your lips are pretty. I want to kiss you. BUT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!”

Well turns out she should have gone home because Locke gets up on stage and is like “Hey everybody! Want to play that fun game where we kidnap a mortal girl, drug her up on faerie shit, dress her up in garbage and laugh at her? YEAH ME TOO! And we’re going to do it to Jude!!” Everybody cheers.

Jude is in a weird position where she can’t order Cardon to cut it out without blowing their whole arrangement, and she doesn’t want to give them the satisfaction of enjoying her humiliation. So they bring out this gross dress made of forest stuff and a crown of stinking mushrooms (normally the girls are so high off their ass they think it’s a glittering gown and crown made of jewels). And they’re trying to slip the dress OVER her clothes but Jude is like “Hey no. You know what? Fuck you guys.” -- she steps out of her dress, stands there in her underwear and is like “Give me the fucking dress. I SAID GIVE IT!” and she’s determined to make this as not fun as possible for them.

I also like imagining Cardon’s face seeing her not once, but twice in her undies and trying to keep it together. (apparently human undies are skimpy compared to medieval night dress things).

So she’s wearing the gross dress and is crowned the “Queen of Mirth” and Cardon gives the ceremonial speech… and makes some comment that Jude’s brand of beauty is unique. Her beauty is startling, unsettling, dangerous. (Those aren’t the exact words but it’s something like that.)

Jude is impervious to glamors, but some faerie magic can still fuck with her. Like when they play certain music, she can’t stop dancing. She’s worried she’s going to die of exhaustion from all the dancing so she demands it to stop and begs the crowd to let the queen of mirth choose the next song. Then she gives a little speech that sounds sweet, but is something along the lines of “Thank you King Cardon for your kind words. Let me assure you all that I find you all every bit as beautiful as you find me.” and everyone is kind of like… boo… hiss… because they know she’s human and is capable of lying and being sarcastic and being a bitch about it.

Then she’s like “PLAY THE SONG. CARDON, DANCE WITH ME.” so she drags his ass on the dance floor and is immediately like “I will kill you, you hear me? I will fucking kill you and I’ll do it slowly. I am going to rip your god damned larynx out with my teeth and use it to tie my shoe laces.”

And Cardon’s looking at her like “Aw. She’s pretty.”

(She’s also noticing how hot his lips and hair are by the way, and how nice it feels to dance with him again) Okay so when she’s done threatening him, he’s like “Well I did try to warn you. Anyway. Alright, you’re free now. Go home.” and twirls her out of the dance circle. Everyone is in party mode, so they don’t notice and she can slip away. I like how Cardon doesn’t really partake in torturing her anymore, but he doesn’t necessarily stop it either haha. He doesn’t care if she’s humiliated, but I bet he would have stopped in if she was about to be hurt. (She also made him swear to, so…)

So Jude is storming home when she notices a bunch of selkies coming out of the sea.

She bolts back to the party and tells the guards to protect the king, and the selkies show up with a message. They’re like “Hey our queen says if you don’t marry her mean girl daughter, she’s going to drown you and your kingdom and sink this island into the sea. Cool?”

And Cardon says in some very pretty words, basically, “Nope. You can party with us though.”

And the selkies say “Neat! We’re just messengers anyway. Where’s the booze?” and join the fun. Jude is like fuck fuck fuck I told you asshats the merfolk were up to something and no one listened.

And she continues this conversation with Cat Dad in the morning, along with the magic council and Cardon. And they’re trying to think of ways to avoid a war. Cardon is particularly really pissed at everyone for even entertaining the idea that he marry Nicasia. He says in so many pretty words, “I’m not a piece of ass you an auction off for power.”

They call in Nicasia and he is pissed. Homeboy throws a teacup and everything. He says “Nicasia, tell your Mom to fuck off. I’m not marrying you.”

Nicasia is like “FINE WHATEVER I DON’T CARE.” and leaves to go talk to her sea mom.

Later that morning, the Roach brings a pretty dark-haired faerie lady to see Jude. And her name is Asha I think. She was a former consort to the old king and is now in jail. She is straight up Cardon’s Mom.

And we know she has a history of being a real shit mother and basically neglecting, then abandoning Cardon and leaving him in the care of his abusive brother. Jude plans on using her to sabotage whatever Belkin is doing, so she feeds her information. And a few days later, Belkin sends Cardon a pissy little letter that is like “Come see me or you’ll be sorry.”

Cardon orders everyone out except for Jude, who tells him what she’s been up to. Doing her manipulative shit. Jude is like, “Hey I have an idea. Why don’t we use Nicasia and try to charm information out of her? I need you to be your usual seductive self and make her think you’re on her side so she’ll tell you what her mom is up to.”

Cardon takes MUCH OFFENSE to this and is like “Okay neat, you want me to whore myself around so you can play game of thrones.”

Jude is like “Why is this a big deal? You have girls hanging off of you all the time. Let’s put that ass of yours to good use.” and then she spanks him. Just kidding, no she doesn’t.

But I guess Cardon gets tired of being objectified because he starts messing with her-- HARD CORE FLIRTING and holding her chin and face and being like “How should I seduce Nicasia? Should I hold her like this? Should I kiss her neck like this?”

And Jude is getting all hot and bothered.. So he straight up KISSES HER! And even though he was pissed before, this is totally sweet and tender and passionate. I’m listening to this thinking, yeah okay. This is awesome, but I’m just waiting for her to push him off of her, say something snarky, and storm out to do more manipulative shit. This story is very PG.

NOPE. I WAS WRONG!

They totally undress and his tail wraps around her leg, which is adorable, and they fool around. It gets hot. The kind of hot that isn’t explicit though. I thought this was going to be like Hunger Games full of chaste, cute kisses and nothing else. Hot damn Holly Black, thank you!! (this is chapter 15 by the way, 16 in the audible version)

Cardon asks her to tell him what she said at the moon hunt party. And she says “I hate you” over and over again while he does very naughty things to her. Hell yeah, this story is heating UP!

The next chapter starts with Jude going back to her monster ways.

She wastes no time in breaking into Locke’s house and holding him at knifepoint. He’s dumb and thinks she’s Taryn at first. But she tells him, “Whatever you have against Cardon, leave him the fuck alone. Leave me alone. Quit being a little party whore and starting fires, literally and figuratively.”

And Locke replies, “Muahaha I can’t I love chaos. See you at the wedding.”

Right now, Jude’s No. 1 concern is figuring out when the merpeople are going to attack. She thinks they’ll probably do something at Taryn’s wedding because Oak will be in town with Vivi (which is a horrible idea, but they’re doing it anyway). So she starts working with Maddock, Cat Dad to strategize about how to deal with that.

Meanwhile, Cardon finally has an audience with his pissy brother Balekin. Balekin is a total asshole about it and spends the entire time basically saying “YOU NEED ME!” And Cardon is like “Okay that was fun. Back in the tower with you.”

There’s also a part where Cardon shows up all tousled and messed up from making out with Nicasia (LIKE JUDE ASKED) and gets information out of her. That the ocean people are going to attack at the wedding.

He tries to talk to Jude about their sexy time last night, but she brushes him off like “Yeah it meant nothing to me either. I was just getting it out of my system! Hahaha.” And he looks all hurt about it. God I love these stupid kids and the sweetest cruel prince ever.

So it’s the night before the wedding and Jude is on her horse riding to her old home (Maddock’s house) for a little sisters + Heather bachelorette party. And she gets ambushed by like 7 dudes on horses. Home girl holds her own. Gets shot in the leg with an arrow. Steals one of their axes and murders 3 people like it’s nothing. They literally run away in fear, and she enjoys a moment of badassery before allowing herself to feel genuinely scared over the ordeal.

Jude limps into her home, rips the arrow out of her leg and Vivi helps her sew it up with embroidery thread. (Taryn has no idea this is happening)

Vivi, by the way, is so cavalier about faerie shit, it’s hilarious. For starters, she just didn’t tell her girlfriend any of this until they were literally leaving for the wedding trip. She’s like “Oh hey babe by the way, I’m an enchanted cat lady. Cool? Cool. Get on the demon horse.”

Heather is terrified, but surprisingly okay with this. Vivi feels like everything in Faerieworld is so dramatic. She has trouble taking what Jude is doing seriously, because her biggest problem that week was that Target was out of Cheerios. So when Jude is grunting over a bathtub sewing up her leg and almost puking from the pain, Vivi is literally like “Why?? Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re psychotic.”

And I kind of agree haha. Because it’s not like Jude HAS to stay there. It’s not like Faerie is trying to fuck with the real world or something and she’s the only one that can stop it. She’s choosing to do all of this to herself to gain power, because she is, in fact, psychotic. But that’s what I love about this protagonist. This girl is fucking scary hahahaha

Alright, so then it’s wedding time. Everyone is like “Silly Jude! Falling off your horse like a dumb dumb idiot. Did you forget to bring a dress too?” So Oriana gives Jude one of her silver dresses, which is hella slutty. No one in Faerie cares because they’re all gorgeous and show up to formal events nekkid half the time.

So it is the day of the wedding!

Maddock overhears Jude give Cardon a command (to not be alone tonight, no matter what). She’s trying to keep him safe, but he HATES when she gives him commands. So Cat Dad knows Jude’s scheme and now she’s a target for him.

The Ghost and the Bomb come and get Jude and let her know that the sea made its move. Not here, but at the Tower of Forgetting. Before they leave, Jude is like “Let me say goodbye to my sister”, noticing Taryn and Locke have just arrived to the reception (weddings are done in private in Faerie world). She also notices that Taryn is wearing the earrings that were in her bag that were dropped in the forest during the attack and Locke is limping.

Locke and his friends were the riders that attacked her.

Like some kind of weird bachelor party. And she murdered three of his groomsmen and no one is asking about it, just like no one asked about Valerian. LIKE DAMN THIS WORLD IS NUTS.

And it gets NUTTIER. While they’re inspecting the tower, Jude lets Cardon’s mom go. She’s an asshole, but she wants Cardon to have the chance to tell her as much. Balekin has of course been sprung by the sea.

And then THE GHOST BETRAYS JUDE. He’s being a little asshat and says he swore allegiance to Dane, not her. Like Dane got stabbed while naked in front of everyone. Get over it dude. So Jude gets kidnapped by the mer-people and wakes up in the god damned ocean.

She can breathe underwater because magic. And her and Nicasia have some words and some punching. Then she’s dressed in still more skimpy clothes and brought to the queen of the undersea for dinner.

Nobody knows Jude can’t be glamored. So they tell her “You think we’re your friends and you love us and would do anything for us” and she has to be like “Okay!” And pretend the whole time she’s there. But this is great because she can lie to them and finds out they’re getting the master forge guy to make a new crown for Balekin. They have this whole scheme to murder Cardon (they need his blood for the new crown) and they plan on using Jude to do this.

But they still keep her in the ocean for like 4 weeks, in a shitty cell that is just a stone cave. They tell her “This looks like a gorgeous, comfy room and there’s totally food and water in here and you love it.” And Jude is just like grinning through her teeth like “Wow. It’s so nice. Thanks.”

So by the end of 4 weeks she’s basically starving to death. AND WHAT’S WORSE, Balekin is a totally gross pervert who thinks he’s glamoring her to want to kill Cardon, and throws a “kiss me” on top of that. Then “Kiss me like you kiss Cardon” and it’s hella gross.

So eventually, Jude gets returned to the land. Cardon is there looking badass on a horse, and Jude is brought back limping from the sea in her skimpy dress from her sister’s wedding. He doesn’t even look at her as she’s loaded up in a carriage and rushed home. He traded Balekin’s freedom for Jude’s. So now that asshole is out in the world.

Jude tries to get into the palace when she feels better, because a lady from the Court of Termites is like “Hey! The merpeople attacked us and Cardon just LET THEM because it was part of some agreement to get you back, so make this better.” And Jude is like… wracking her brain like “What is Cardon up to? Why would he do that? Could it be because he loves me and would sacrifice large chunks of his kingdom to get me back? NO HE MUST BE UP TO SOMETHING. THAT UNIMAGINABLE BASTARD.”

But when she gets to the palace, the guards won’t let her in under Maddock’s orders. GOD DAMN YOU CAT DAD. I just want to see these two kids hug!! So Jude limps over to Hallow Hall to find a very much free Balekin, who is like “Hey there’s a masquerade tomorrow. Take this poison and kill your brother.” And then he’s pervy and creepy some more and makes her kiss him again. Gross.

Jude goes out and gets a dress for the masquerade, then scales the wall at the palace to break into Cardan’s room. She puts her hand over his mouth and thoroughly freaks him out, but then he’s pretty stoked to see her, so he pulls her in bed.

Turns out he had no idea Maddock barred her from the palace. She gets a chance to tell him everything Orla and his bitch ass brother are planning, and that he needs to play nice with the court of termites. And Cardan has a sweet moment where he opens up about his past, and why he was so horrible (it was the only time his family noticed him). And he basically said in beautiful Cardan words that I can’t remember that he really missed her and doesn’t feel right without her.

She heads back to Hallow Hall to Belkin. He gives her a vial of poison to slip to Cardan that night. They go to the party together and run into Taryn and Locke. Jude is immediately like “Hey punk, I know you tried to kill me.” And he’s actually surprised. He says he just wanted to scare her like she scared him, but she’s not having it. He shot her in the fucking leg with an arrow. Taryn comes back and they play it off like it’s nothing, but I’m pretty sure Locke has a deathwish.

So then Cardan gets there, and it’s a complete shit show. He is drunk off his ass and falling down, walking on tables, just— being fucking crazy. And Jude is absolutely livid. Like where was the sweet, composed guy from last night?

Lord Roiben from the court of termites (who is a super cool guy by the way, I love him and his consort) tries to have an audience with fucked up Cardan and ask for permission to attack the sea for attacking him and injuring his lady. Cardan is like “Nah.” And when Jude tries to get him the fuck out of there, he pulls her on the dance floor. Then, in front of everyone, he KISSES HER.

Jude is real torn about this. On the one hand, she missed him like crazy while she was a prisoner and desperately wants to kiss him. But on the other, they are in public and he’s trashed and this just looks bad. But he makes out with her enough for her to taste some kind of berry on his lips, and she realizes his pupils are huge — and he’s not drunk, he’s POISONED.

So Jude is like shit shit shit — gets some guards to bring water, buckets, and blankets to her room. She’s pulling Cardan out of the room despite everyone being a total asshat and trying to get them to stay— INCLUDING Balekin who is like “Hey Jude, let go of my brother and let me take care of him. I got this.” And she’s like fucking no, get off me. Bye. So now he knows she can’t be glamored.

Jude gets Cardon to her room and is trying to get him to drink water. He understands he’s been poisoned and they’re trying to keep him talking to keep him from falling asleep. So Jude says some sweet stuff about her past — opens up to him a little about her parents. They talk until he pukes, and finally the Bomb gets there and gives him some clay (??) to eat which helps I guess. She reports that the smith guy is full-on missing. And Balekin gave her a note that is like “If you want the anecdote, bring me the crown.”

The Bomb also mentions something like… the king has the power to heal himself or pull power from the land. But Cardan might not know how to do that. And Jude has this revelation like… Cardan has never looked at himself as king. He’s always felt like a puppet and has been conditioned by his family AND JUDE that he is powerless. So she flips into badass mode and is like “I’m going to go see Balekin and get that anecdote for you. The Bomb is going to stay with you and keep you safe.”

And Cardan does, “Hey Bomb, I order you to go with Jude and keep her safe.”

Bomb: “Okay.”

Jude: “GOD DAMNIT!!”

Stomps her angry ass out in the garden in her flowy little apricot-colored gown and talks to Balekin, who is pissed that she can’t be glamored and has been lying this whole time. She strikes a deal with him that is like… “I’ll give you the crown… if you watch me drink this vial of poison you gave me, then give me the anecdote. That way I’ll know it’s real. If I live, then you get the crown. If I die then nobody gets what they want.”

Balekin is like “That’s fucking stupid. Why would you do this to yourself?”

Jude says “I’M FUCKING CRAZY AND IN LOVE AND I’VE MURDERED LIKE 5 PEOPLE DON’T FUCK WITH ME.” And drinks the poison.

Balekin kind of taunts her like “Wow you just drank a whole lot more than I gave my brother AND you’re mortal, so you’re going to start getting real sick real fast. It’s almost tempting to watch you suffer.”

Jude is like “Yeah cool. Guess you don’t want the crown then, you petty douchebag.”

So he gives her the anecdote, refusing to let her touch it and just pours it into her mouth. Then she takes the empty vial that held the poison, spits the anecdote into it, tosses it to the Bomb, and turns back to Balekin like “You are SO DUMB. I poured out the poison and washed out the vial. And now you have no crown and no dead brother. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.”

So Balekin draws his sword. And all Jude has is a dagger. She makes some comment like “Do you want to duel? Surely you don’t want to harm your honor by slaying an opponent with no equal weapon.” And Balekin is like “I know you don’t care about honor. Also, word on the street is you’re kind of a monster.”

And he is not wrong. He tries to kill her. Like full on goes for it. And even though she only has a dagger, Jude BESTS HIM and gets her blade on his neck. “I yield!” He says. So she SLITS HIS THROAT AND GETS SPLATTERED WITH BLOOD FROM HIS ARTERY.

Jude has this badass internal dialogue that is something like… she’s changed a lot during her time in Faerie. She’s been weak. Then she got strong. But she had to keep pretending to be weak. Like when she was captured, and this whole time while she was playing puppet master. Jude decides in that moment to stop pretending and to be a complete psychopath. Just be open about it, girl. Be yourself.

She wonders if she should feel bad for killing Balekin, or feel anything at all over it. But she doesn’t. So homegirl walks back into the palace to check on her boyfriend who has hopefully had some anecdote by now.

He’s fine, just passed out by the fire. So she wakes him up and he seems confused. He asked her why she changed clothes and what she’s doing back here.

TURNS OUT Taryn is a fucking asshole and is working with Cat Dad, and came in there while Cardan was sick and disoriented and pretended to be Jude, and asked if it was cool if Maddock took off with half the army and broke his vow to protect the throne. Taryn (pretending to be Jude) said it was fine and all part of a plan. So he said yes.

Jude is freaking out like “HOW?? She shouldn’t be able to command you with your promise magic because she’s not actually me.”

And Cardan is like “SHE DIDN’T NEED TO COMMAND ME. I TRUST YOU. I TRUST YOU SO MUCH I DON’T QUESTION YOU EVEN WHEN THE PLANS MAKE NO APPARENT SENSE.”

He’s still pretty sick so they call it quits there for now. Let him rest. Jude goes back to her room and throws her bloody dress in the fire. No one has found Balekin’s dead body in the garden yet. But when they do, it’ll start a war with the sea. At least the court of termites will be happy? (I hope so. I like the court of termites). Also?? Jude is going to have to tell Cardan that she murdered his brother.

She’s in a robe when a servant comes to get her and tells her the king would like an immediate audience. Cardan is feeling a little better now, but they’re both still just wrecked. He asks her to sit by the fire… and says he has a question for her.

He says he wants his freedom back. It’s not right, and it’s hurting other people that he is a king that doesn’t have free will. And in exchange, he would like to give her ultimate power, so she doesn’t have to play puppet master anymore. He asks her to marry him and be queen. Then they could rule until Oak is of age, then get unmarried if they want. But that way he could make his own decisions, and so could Jude.

She’s kind of blown away at this, on several levels, and says yes.

Faerie weddings don’t require an officiant or witnesses, because faeries can’t lie. So they have this cute moment in front of the fireplace where they exchange vows. Cardan gives her this ring he stole from her months ago back. He does all this like, on the last reserves of his strength. So immediately after, when Jude is officially queen, she’s like “Lay down.” And he says “Only if you lay down with me.”

And they get in bed and make out and pass out almost immediately. They had a big night of Cardan almost dying and Jude murdering yet another person, so they earned it.

In the morning, they’re woken up by a knock on the door and it’s a guard telling them that Orla is here wanting to know why her ambassador is dead in the garden. And Jude is like Oh shit. And Cardan is like god damnit. And they have half the army they usually have. So fuck.

Can I just take a sec to pause here… and appreciate the fact that Jude is going through all of this hell… meanwhile…. Vivi is somewhere in the real world buying chicken nuggets for Oak at McDonald’s? And like… letting him watch Peppa Pig on the iPad while she and Heather watch some baking show on TV? And then we zoom back into faerie world and Jude is covered in blood and being tortured or Cardan is dying of poison and I just love knowing that contrast is happening. I hope Oak never wants to be king lol. He’s gonna be like yeah no, I want to go to prom. Fuck you guys.

Okay so everybody gets dressed up to go to the sea and tell Orla to fuck off.

She’s there with her army. Nicasia is there in shell armor riding on a shark. Like, shits about to go down. Orla demands to know what happened to Balekin and Cardan is like “He died. He’s dead. It looks like he lost a duel.” and is just crazy rude to her, which makes Jude very nervous considering they don’t have a strong army right now and she has no control over Cardan anymore.

Earlier it was mentioned that the High King had a special connection with the land. During the whole cute wedding scene, the tree in the room bloomed and sprouted flowers while they exchanged vows. Cardan has his freedom back, which means he has free reign to be a complete badass. And he basically tells Orla -- how dare you threaten the land when the ocean you rule sits on top of sand. Volcanic sand. And he moves his hand and the earth starts changing beneath their feet. He pulls up a whole ass new island from the sea like it’s nothing and promptly starts encasing Nicasia in a tree -- much to everyone’s horror.

Orla begs him to cut it out and quit cooking her army with underground volcanoes.

So Cardan agrees. Everyone agrees to a truce. He lets Nicasia go and offers her a spot on the court as a new ambassador, which Jude is not stoked about. Then Cardan flips the script and is like “Alright, now about that murder. Jude. Did you kill Balekin in a duel?”

She doesn’t know what he’s up to, but has to trust he has a plan. “Yes.” she says.

AND HE FUCKING BANISHES HER TO THE MORTAL WORLD FOR IT. LIKE…

She’s as indignant as we are… literally says WHAT THE FUCK I AM THE QUEEN. And everyone is like whaaaat? And she gets carted off by some guards.

And the epilogue is her brooding at Vivi’s house eating fish sticks lol. Vivi is trying to make her feel better. They have such boring lives taking care of Oak. Heather broke up with Vivi after she found out that she glamored her at the wedding. Everyone is just sad and everything is shitty. Jude ends the book by telling herself she is the queen of nothing.

AUGH I LOVED THIS BOOK EVEN MORE THAN THE FIRST. I love these two stupid idiots that love each other in such radically different ways. Cardan is like, obsessed with Jude and infinitely patient with her murderous bullshittery. He’s actually a really great ruler and I hope he never gives up the crown. Jude is such a badass even if she is totally power-hungry and fucking scary. I hope Taryn and Locke get what’s coming to them. I hope we find out why Cardan banished her in the next book… I assume to protect her. We’ll have to see.

Can’t wait to read the next installment.

Deadass Rating: 8.5/10

#cruel prince #jude x cardan #folk of the air #queen of nothing #cardan greenbriar #cardan #jude #deadass book reviews #book reviews #books & libraries #currently reading #fiction #literature #writers #book recommendations #book blogger #books and reading

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lyon-amore · 2 years ago

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Mr and Mrs Liars Chapter 22

Chapter 21 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *MC POV* When I wake up, I see Jake at the foot of the couch sleeping. I released a sigh and covered him with the blanket that I had. He's going to ache all over his body when he wakes up. What's he doing sleeping on the floor? "I must be awake to take care of you, right?" I frowned, crossing my arms. At least... He sleep peacefully "You can't help it…" I let out a laugh and stroked his hair, careful not to wake him up. I make a silence gesture to Gizmo when I see that he wants to kick him on the head. He ends up lying on top of him, curled up in his lap. I took the mug from him and took it to the kitchen to clean it up. He must have been busy working on who knows what. These habits are hard to break. I decide to take my cup and make myself a decaf coffee. After yesterday, I'm still nervous. I go up to my room and look at the messages I have. In the chat, Jessy congratulates Jake on dating Aleena. She forgets that I was in this group. I also have a missed call from the bridal shop. Lucky they also have my friends number in case they can't reach me. Separately, Jessy messaged me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jessy MC! I'M REALLY SORRY! I totally forgot you were in that group! And I also forgot that Jake is your ex because you are going to marry Phil and I am so happy about it 😔 You forgive me? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's impossible for me to be mad at Jessy. Well, yeah, she didn't tell me that Jake was back. But I can understand that, since I’m already engaged, I don't have to care about that Jake is with someone else. "But it's not like that…" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MC Hey, calm down Jessy I haven't bothered to read it Aleena already told me too I'm happy for both of them 😊 Jessie PHEW! Goodness! The truth is that I was worried I already know that there are no feelings ahead But to say that… 😓

MC You were excited, I get it I'm also excited that Jake found someone ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <<Lie…>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jessy Do you think they will go to the wedding together? 🤔 🤭 MC I don't think so, Jake told me that he would already be working by the time the wedding takes place Besides, he doesn't know anyone except the group, I don't want to pressure him Jessy Aww.. Too bad... But I'm glad to see that you get along That is important I mean… Neither of you have deceived the other So the respect you have for each other is admirable 🥺 MC Well, from the start we trusted each other So it's normal that we're fine with each other Jessy OH! By the way! They called me from the bridal shop They asked about the last fitting of the dress MC I have seen it I'll talk to them later I'm busy Jessy Alright I'M SO EXCITED! I still can't believe we're going to be like sisters! 😊

MC Jessy, I must leave you I have things to do, sorry Jessy OK, take care! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I put the phone aside and lie down on the bed. I don't feel like calling the store. I wish I could put it off a bit longer, just because I'm not feeling well at the moment. "Finally I find you" I hear Jake enter the room, approaching the bed "Did you sleep well?" "Better than you" I sit up in bed, looking at him concerned "Does your back hurt?" "I’m perfect." he sits on the bed and complains. I raised an eyebrow and sighed, although he ignored the pain out of pride. "I have something to tell you." "Okay, I'm listening." He sighs looking me directly in the eyes. He looks pretty serious. And worried. “I logged into Schneider's computer." "What?" I blink incredulously, but rather worried now "How come you did that? Without consulting me first?" "I did it precisely for you." “And what if you get caught?” He looks away from me, but I forced him to look at him by placing my hands on his face, “Jake, you can't do this to me- You can't do this to your sisters! Not again!" "Calm down, it's all good." he lowers my hands slowly, speaking to me calmly. "The program is safe this time. There is no reason to be alarmed." Slowly, he releases me. I place my hands in my lap, squeezing them tight. I hope he’s right and that he’s safe. "And what have you found?" I give up and ask. "It's true, he is involved with Charlotte and her disappearance." I turn to look at him quickly. His expression is angry. "Although it is not only about her, MC…" "I want to see everything." "I don't think it's a good idea now." "Jake, please," I begged with a nervous look. "I need to see those proofs..." “Alright,” he stands up and offers his hand to lift me up, “but there's a video you better not watch. I did it and…. I prefer to forget it. Although it is a proof that is going to serve us well." I get scared when I hear him. I don't know what to think anymore after what happened yesterday. I can expect anything. I sit in the chair, with the folder in front of me. Inside everything is separated by photos, videos and documents. Some photos are of me from my teenage days. I couldn't believe this man had such a thing about me. “This is just a backup for now,” Jake tells me as I scroll through the photos. “Just in case it all disappears. “ Although I listen to him, it seems to me that he sounds far away. Charlotte's photos are even worse. I close the photo folder because I don't dare to continue looking. I feel like throwing up when I see them. "This is horrible...“ "MC, now I want you to get ready." Jake sits next to me, holding my hand lovingly. “You are not going to like what you are going to read, but I want you to know that you can stop at any time, you don’t have to read everything.“ I nod and relax. I read Peter and Schneider's conversations. A lump rises in my throat as I read Peter's words. He was someone I trusted, who was always there for me when I needed him, but he didn't really do it the way I thought. I start to cry, feeling bad about myself. I had been so blind... "Why didn't I know to see it before?" “It's not your fault.” Jake squeezes my hand hard, gently parting my hair to see my face. "But I should have realized," I pointed to the screen, stifling a cry. "Do you know the worst of this? It's just that now I realize many things and they all point to the fact that he was a disgusting bastard. And I was treating him like a poor man who has been killed for being innocent when he is not!" I get so excited Jake hugs me to calm me down. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, unable to calm down even though the hug is warm. Feeling betrayed is horrible. I had him like a family member. But it's not me they've hurt, it's Charlotte. I don't want to think that without her, I would have ended up in her shoes. It's the worst thought I can have. The thing to do is find out what happened to her and ruin Schneider's career. It's what I want the most. “I want to show you something.” Jake pulls me away slowly, playing a video. Seeing my father walk into the office makes my heart skip a beat. Hearing his voice made me have many memories. The more I watch the video, the more I understand. He… He protected my mother and me. My father never wanted Schneider to get close to me from the beginning, but now I understand why the friendship between him and Peter drifted away a bit. He doubted him, but he didn't want to because he was his friend. Unfortunately, he was always wrong. My father wasn't perfect, he too could have let his feelings come between the two of them and believe that his best friend wasn't a monster. No one wants to know that someone you trust can be something so… Terrible. “He was always looking out for you, even years after it happened.” Jake tells me, though I don't look away from the computer. "That's why he wanted me to forget it." I wipe away my tears and try to breathe calmly, even though I has a hard time. "He never liked talking about this case, but I would always bring it back." "And is finally finished." I look at Jake, who seems more hopeful than me. "MC, you can leave it now. You have found the murderer who has hurt Charlotte, Ansel, and you and your father so much. Now you can stop." Hearing Jake speak that way, I burst into tears again, but screaming in pain. Jake hugs me tighter again, whispering in my ear that everything was okay. All those times I was arguing for my father about this case, it was Schneider's fault. Because of him, the relationship with my father was always tense. He pretended everything was fine when it wasn't. I was never a victim: Charlotte, Oskar and my father were.For my part, I feel like I'm a trigger. The guilty. "My idea is to access Schneider's computer and sync up all the screens in the station showing all this evidence." Jake slowly moves the computer away from me as I try to compose myself a bit. "How... How long do you think you can take?" "I don't know, it's much more secure than just one, plus…" I see that he frowns, looking at the screen very seriously. "It's weird, it doesn't seem like he's been online since yesterday." "What do you mean?" "He doesn’t logged in since last night." He tucks his hands under his chin thoughtfully. "And by the time it is, he should have been in by now. The program cannot identify me as a user." "Something like an incognito tab?" I ask, with the only comparison in my head. "Something like that, since the program is surveillance, I can come and go whenever I want, although that doesn't mean that Malcolm has put some special things for me given the position I have now." I keep looking at him a little confused, I think after so much information I feel like I'm exhausted again, although I'm not sleepy this time. "For example, if I wanted to now, I could go into your cell phone and look at the messages, and if you had received one at that moment, it wouldn't give it as read, since it detects that I'm only watching, not controlling it. But I can if I want to put a virus." "And why do you have something like that? I mean…. That's bad if you're not careful." "Serves as a distraction," he smiles proudly. "As long as the virus doesn't let him access the computer, I can keep it under control so that he doesn't delete anything. Activate and deactivate." "You really impress me." I don't know how but he manages to make me smile. "Like I always have, haven't I?" I let out a small laugh and he joins me. I would spend hours listening to him talk about everything he likes and I wouldn't get tired. If I already understood the subject or not. "Then maybe you can log in now with no problem." I say, looking at the computer, "And if he does log in to the computer-" “I block it with the virus." "Do you need help?" "No, I'm fine." We both relaxed. The atmosphere is calm again. I bite my lip remembering the chat. I have to tell him, it's impossible to hide it anymore. “My congratulations about you and Aleena.” I say, my voice almost out from crying. "You both are really perfect for each other." "MC, about that-" I hear my cell phone ring from upstairs. I signal to Jake by way of apology and get up to go get it. I have to assume it's Phil. I couldn't talk to him yesterday because I told him I'd be busy. <<I hope you don't realize from my voice that I've cried…. Please don't let him know... >> *Jake POV* All I want her to know is that I'm not dating Aleena. It has nothing to do with my feelings towards MC, but I don't want them to tell her lies about me. But if it makes it easier for both of us to stay away with this lie, then I'll let it slide until this is over and she's married. While MC is on the cell phone, I keep an eye on Schneider's computer. He hasn't logged in yet. Where can he be? I need him to be there so that he is publicly humiliated in front of his co-workers for all that he has done. And also stop Hammer's funeral with honors. He does not deserve it. I feel my blood boil at the thought. I'm even angrier than when I found out that Richy was the culprit behind Hannah's kidnapping and that he wanted to lure MC into the mine. This situation is on another level. And if he ever removes the evidence, I can threaten Schneider that I have everything to charge him with. He will not escape his fate. "Jake..." I turn to listen to MC. His expression is surprised "It was Richy... " "Richy?" I frown, annoyed "Why did he call you from prison?" "He wants me to go, he has said that something has happened, but he can't tell me over the phone. " I grip the chair tightly, getting up quickly. I approach her, who raises her hands to stop me. "Jake, wait-" “I'm not going to let you go alone,” I say, prying her hands away from me carefully. "And this time you will be able to ask him why he wanted you to go to the mine.” She lowers her head, uncomfortable. I bring my hand to her chin and lift her face up, forcing her to look at me. "I'm with you and you need to know the truth." She nods, slowly removing my hand. I have been able to notice how her hand trembles. "Okay…he doesn't even know you yet." "Well, it's about time he got to know me." Going back to the prison in less than twenty-four hours makes everyone look at us as we pass. The guards whisper as we pass by. MC is nervous, she hasn't told me why Richy wants to see her. When Richy sees us go in, he shifts in the uncomfortable seat. He can't even look at us, well, at MC, even if he wants to, embarrassed and feeling guilty. Are their encounters always like this? Is it so hard for him to look the woman he threatened on the phone in the face? We sit down and he takes a quick look at me, to return to MC. “I thought you were coming alone.” he says, his voice almost inaudible. "Richy, this is Jake," MC looks at me and then at him, hands on the table, squeezing them tightly "Hannah and Lilly's brother." I see how now he looks at me. Terrified. He knows exactly who I am because MC has told him about me. He know who I am for being the one who was investigating my sister's kidnapping with MC. "I… I would shake your hand to greet you, but it's not allowed." I don't know if he's joking or just wants to be polite. "I wouldn't accept it." I replied, controlling my anger. "I know, but I don't know how to greet you." he ignores my look, turning back to MC "Well the thing is-" "Not so fast." I cross my arms as I tense up. I can see MC's worried look. "We need to know one thing before you tell us what you have to tell us. But I don't want a vague answer, you're going to be direct. " "Alright…" "Why did you want MC to go to the mine?" I don't control my tone of voice, so I'm not calm. MC places a hand on my arm, grabbing the fabric of my clothing. She is afraid of the answer. Richy sighs, scratching his forehead, thinking. He doesn't dare to look at us, it's hard for him. I'm sure MC is analyzing every gesture he makes, she must know much better what he thinks. I, on the other hand, let myself be carried away by rage. I can't feel sorry for him. "I started to investigate MC right after faking my attack." he begins to narrate, still without looking at us "I needed to know who she was, but I only had a name, there was no more information about her." "That’s why there was only my name in Michael's house and not any pictures." says MC, looking at Richy almost without blinking. "I wanted more information, to scare you into letting my plan go through to the end. But I had to stop because Jessy and Thomas broke into the house. " "That doesn't answer my question." I say annoyed. "Okay," he tries to fit his hands into the cuffs. It seems that it annoys him "The more you investigated, the more afraid I was that you would find out who I really was. Your texts telling me to stop made me feel like that." "I had my doubts because I didn't want to think that my friend was lying to my face." Now it's MC who is speaking harshly. It almost seems like a mother talking to her son. "You failed in not adding The Man Without a Face in your video call." "I wanted to tell you everything in person" Richy's eyes pass by MC. He has no expression, just stares. "I would have told you the whole truth." "And after that?" MC tries not to raise her voice, but it's clear that she's furious with him "Did you think that I was going to leave you alone in the mine to die?" "It's better than being locked up here..." I bang on the table, glaring at him. Would he rather die than be here? Is he that cowardly? “Hannah was already hurting from what she did in the past.” I say through clenched teeth ‘’She wanted to redeem herself and you psychologically tortured them." "And who has had a better defense thanks to money?" Richy asks me annoyed. "Who really deserves justice but Jennifer Hanson?" "Who made Amy Bell Lewis commit suicide?!" "I had been guilty for years and I never received a word from them about what happened! They abandoned me as if I had not participated!" "Both of you! Stop it!" MC yells at us, quite angry. A guard approaches us quite serious. I think we should relax. "The next time you raise your voice again, you leave, last notice. Is that clear?" "Yes, we're sorry." MC apologizes for us. The policeman walks away and we relax. "Thanks for your answer, Richy." MC looks at him calmer, but I know she's upset. There are many feelings involved "Can we now talk about the subject we have come to?" “Yeah, sure." Richy and MC pull themselves together, while I'm still a little tense. I'm letting my emotions act instead of calming me down. This is not good for me. “The guy you met with yesterday, Jan.” He pauses for a moment, looking at the policemen. Then he looks back at us. "Well, we find out that they found him dead in his cell, just before bedtime." "Really?" I ask interested. This seems important. I look at MC who is listening carefully. It's like she already expected it to happen after what happened yesterday. "There's quite a stir around the prison, actually," Richy clenches his hands on the table nervously, "they even say that a certain Manfred Schneider has disappeared after visiting the prison just after Han's body was discovered." MC and I looked at each other. That's why the computer was down. "From the way you look at each other, I think you know who I'm talking about." "We're investigating that man," MC whispers, taking great care with her surroundings. "Let's say he did something and now we're trying to put him in jail." "Well, if he's disappeared, we're going to have a hard time finding him," I also comment in a low voice. "He may have even disposed of his cell phone so they don't track him down if he's guilty of Jan's murder for having confessed to you that it was your father who hired him.” I look at MC worried. "What he's done having a connection with you." "We have to be careful then." MC she hugs herself, afraid. "Who knows if he will come for me." "Seeing you guys talk reminded me of Jessy and me," Richy smiles wistfully. But is it a sincere smile or does he want us to feel sorry for him? "I hope one day she come to see me... I miss her so much." "I highly doubt that after everything you did to her, she wants to see you," MC reproaches him. "Thanks for the information, Richy and…. Thanks for your sincerity." "You're welcome." He looks straight into her eyes. What I feel is not jealousy, but anger. For everything he did. He shouldn't have the right to look at her that way. "And give my regards to the group… Although I know that no one is going to want it, but…. I want you to know that I still consider you my friends." "Sure." MC slowly gets up from the table and I do the same. I see that she tremble a little from so many emotions in so few days. "Take care Richy." "I'm saying the same thing," he looks at me now and smiles. "Nice to have met you Jake." "The feeling isn't mutual." I replied, turning me around to leave. We walked calmly unlike yesterday. No one says a word on the way home. I look at MC who keeps walking silently. She doesn't look at me or speak. "Are you okay?" I ask, worried about what happened. She shoots me a quick look, as if she's annoyed with me. "MC, if you are at this moment doubting whether to feel sorry for Richy, it is better that you forget it." "How can you say that?" She turns abruptly, stopping me "None of this would have happened if Hannah had sat down to talk to Richy too and reached an agreement before wanting to redeem herself!" "Are you blaming my sister now? You're serious?" "NO! It's just- AG!" she sits on the first bench she sees, putting her hands to her head "The threats, pretending he didn't know who Jennifer was, attacking Jessy, taking pictures of her friends, being cold-blooded about take the corpse of a person who had committed suicide and leave it in the woods, the damned house he rented… It was all the work of a madman! Not someone cowardly as you say! I thought he really was going to kill them all! You know the fear of someone wanting to kill your friends?!" I sit next to her, letting out a long breath. Of course I knew. That's why I distanced myself from my friends. Because I thought that by getting into trouble, I would put them in danger. I was afraid that I might hurt them. Although I was more afraid that someone could betray me in exchange for surviving. Though I wouldn't have blamed them. We humans do anything to survive, after all. “You have a right to be mad at him,” I finally say. ”But believe me when I say that what he did to you I will never be able to forgive him. Yeah, what Hannah did of leaving him out wasn't right, but you went through something I'll never forgive myself for.” We look at each other and I see that she continues with anger in her eyes. I try to be the calm one of the two now. "It's not your fault, stop apologizing-" "I'll do it as many times as I need, MC." I move a lock from her face, to see her gaze perfectly. ”But I hope you have found peace with his answer.” “What did he want me to feel guiltier because he died because I couldn't save him?” She lets out a soft laugh ”What a peace…” "Well, actually, I would have felt guilty not to since I was the one in the mines." She nods with a shrug, still with that look on her face. The last thing she says leaves me surprised. "I would have killed him if you had died because of him." “Come here.” I say, inviting her to hug me. MC approaches me and hugs me tight. I try to calm her anger as best I can, stroking her hair to calm her down. Little by little, I notice that her body is no longer tense and her breath tickles my neck. For a moment we forgot about the case and talked about something we never did. The only good thing Richy did was that we got to know each other. That's the only thing I'm thankful for. *MC POV* All this accumulated anger had never let go. I think I had never spoken of Richy in this way. Every time I would come back from seeing him, I would always say 'Oh, it did well' but it didn't. I guess I didn't want to worry anyone with my way of thinking towards him, the rest were already angry enough for me to be too. Someone had to calm them down. "Are you better?" Jake pulls me away and smiles at me. "Yes, thanks." I smile back, much calmer. "Okay, we should- Jake? I see how his expression changes, he seems alert. He makes a sign to me in a hidden way. “I think someone's watching us.” he says, looking carefully around so he doesn't show it. "Schneider?" "No, I don't know," he makes me stand up next to him, still nervous "I haven't been able to see anyone." "And what do we do?" "For now, we can't go home." We walk slowly so as not to raise suspicions that we know we're being watched. "We have to blend in with people until they know we're out of danger." I try to think of where would be the perfect place to lose someone who is chasing you. I have never seen myself in this situation before. "It's weekend…" I comment, thoughtful "Is it worth a shopping center? There are a lot of people there." "Yes, and so I can secretly use my cell phone to locate a signal that is approaching us while we go to the mall." "Then let's go." Chapter 23

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countessofravenclaw · 2 months ago

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To grow up…Love…let go: act three

Growing up is hard when you're trying to find your own path. You live, you learn, you fall in love, and when you find the one, your heart will never break... ...or at least thats what Laura Perida thinks right before she's about to start high school. She's ready to find her own fairytale romance, just like her parents, but maybe she doesn't realize that life is not always that simple, especially given what we know about her parent's actual romance.

“Ughhh!” Aurora jolted awake. Laura was standing next to her bed, already fully dressed. “What are you doing?”

“You promised to do my hair.” Laura looked at her with her piercing green eyes while holding up a scrunchie. No wonder that had woken Aurora up.

“After I woke up.” Aurora brushed hair out of her face—Woke Up? Why hadn’t her alarm rung?! What was going on…

She dove for her phone as quickly as she possibly could—

“It’s supposed to ring in 15 minutes.” Aurora looked at Laura. “Why are you up?”

“What does that matter?” Laura rolled her eyes and sat at the foot of the bed. “You’re up now too, there’s no point in going back to sleep. Do my hair, please, I want them on that braid you always do… You can get dressed after, then I can do your make-up.”

“Okay,” Aurora pushed herself up, sighing. “But I’ll do my own eyeliner.”

“I don’t get why you need to have it in that certain angle,” Laura rolled her eyes again, “Good thing you don’t use a ruler. But seriously, you should ask Jazmin to give you actual classes with hair. Imagine how good you actually could be.”

“I am not gonna be a hairstylist.” Aurora sighed while she ran a hairbrush through her little sister's hair. “It’s way too artistic.”

“And braids are not?”

“They have a formula.” Aurora shook her head. “Just like, I’m never gonna be professional with make-up. That’s your wheelhouse.”

“But if you learned, then I wouldn’t need a hairstylist or make-up artist for my wedding. Did I show you that one style I found on pinterest…or did I just show that to Ivory…? Anyways, I saved it on my wedding board—”

“Why are you worried about a hairstylist for your wedding?” Aurora laughed. “Mom and Dad are gonna pay, in like ten years when you’re actually getting married. Don’t let Alex see that board, he might just run away…”

Uncharacterically Laura didn’t snark something back, but stayed silent while Aurora was tying her hair back.

“Are we now finally getting to why you were up so early?” She questioned.

“Okay, I couldn’t sleep.” Laura nodded.

“Because of Alex?”

“He has been acting weirdly—” Laura admitted, “—ever since school started.”

“Look, you have a lot of things going on.” Aurora said while tying a satin ribbon on the end of Laura’s braid, “The team, Blake… It’s just a different dynamic from the summer. What would Mom say…? The dynamics have just changed, but if your hearts speak the same languages you can always understand each other, even if you need to learn the language again.”

“You sounded exactly like her.” Laura started laughing, “But it’s not that we don’t understand each other… He just feels distant, because…I think there is something going on with his Dad.”

“He’s a truck captain with the BA Fire,” Aurora pointed out, “Of course he has something going on. He sees multiple people die on his watch almost every day, it is not easy to deal with.”

“That’s what I said, but I don’t think Alex believed me.” Laura shook her head, “I want to help him.”

“How about you text him?” Aurora suggested as she got up from the bed. “Start with that. Now let me get dressed.”

“Oh, I googled different ways you can do a tie,” Laura said when the girls were walking toward the staircase 15 to 20 minutes later. Laura was struggling with her tie again. “I wish we’d be allowed to do those. The normal straight ties look so boring.”

“Welcome to Blake South College.” Aurora laughed, “The way we operate is Don’t ask, just do as said. Laura, you’ve been there for a month. You won’t be able to change how the whole school works in that time.”

“I’m talking about the tie.” Laura rolled her eyes. “Not a revolution.”

“You still don’t know how to tie your tie?” Oscar walked out of his room straightening his own tie. “You’ll soon get dress coded or something.”

“Shut up,” Laura tried to give him dagger eyes, but they quickly turned into puppy eyes. “Can you fix it?”

“You really need to learn,” Oscar laughed while correcting Laura’s tie, “Now, I am starving, so I need breakfast.”

***

“Hey, you weren’t in bed,” Gastón wrapped his arm around Nina’s waist tightly as she was standing in front of the kettle in the kitchen. “Since when do you wake up before I do?”

“I woke up at 5…” She admitted, “I know, I know, but I got this inspiration and if you look at the chalk wall I got an outline sketched for the problematic plot point—”

“I know, and I won’t start questioning your artistic processes,” Gastón kissed her on her temple, “but promise me that you won’t start doing that regularly. Sleep deprivation won’t help anybody.”

“I promise I won’t.” Nina laughed, “but I might be able to finish the manuscript soon. You’re the one to talk about overworking though. Who has two jobs?”

“I do,” He leaned on the counter, “But I have a double-sided genetic genome to be a workaholic—” The morning sun shone really bright from the window and light caught painfully to his eyes.

“Something wrong?” Nina asked as Gastón closed his eyes. “You’re having a headache again, aren’t you?”

“I woke up with one, but it’s not bad,” He shook his head, and took his wife’s hand. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“I’m going to.” She looked at him, disapprovingly, and placed her hand on his cheek. “Look at me, I wanna see if your eyes are focusing. Don’t you think this has been happening a little too often lately? Maybe you should go get it checked out, because—”

“I’ve probably just been working too much,” Gastón shook his head. “I’m getting old and those new screens at work are killing my eyes. I have that eye doctor appointment next week, so I’ll at least get some blue light filtering glasses. Those should help.”

“Okay, but maybe you should still talk with April at least?” Nina continued.

“She’d trap me into an MRI machine for hours…” Gastón traced his finger on Nina’s cheeks to her chin. “Trust me, I’m fine, although you're very beautiful when you worry. I promise I’ll take it easy. I’m only going to the university anyway and I only have one lecture. I’ll be home by 1 at the latest—”

He pulled her closer by the waist and kissed her passionately. “—unless you come to meet me there and we can go have lunch at the new place around the corner… We could…”

***

“You know some of us are trying to eat over here.” Aurora rolled her eyes while sinking her spoon into a bowl of cereal.

“Oh, I hate to tell you this Firecracker," Gastón walked out of the kitchen, “but this is my house. So I kind of get to do what I want.”

“That can’t be—”

“I’d love to argue about this a little longer, but I’ll be late for work.” Gastón picked his ID-lanyard from a chest of drawers in the living room. “We take the academic quarter very seriously and I’ll be attacked by 50 young adults if I am late, and I don’t need that. You three are enough. Have fun at school and be nice.”

“Like we’d be in danger of getting detention any second.” Oscar shook his head amused.

“He’s right though,” Nina sat at the table holding her teacup. “You should get going soon before you’ll be late.”

“Not yet…” Aurora stared her watch, “We still have 20 minutes before we really need to get going—”

“Which is also not in your jurisdiction, because I’m the one driving,” Oscar got to his feet and scratched Kelvin behind her ear. “Let’s go. I’ll need to pick up a book from the library anyways, so it doesn’t hurt to be early. I promised Eliza…”

“Oh, then you definitely can’t be late.” Aurora nudged Oscar with her elbow.

“We need the books for our project,” Oscar glared at her. “Our grade depends on it. Nothing more to it.”

“Sure…”

“Laura,” Nina tapped her youngest on the shoulder, who was still sitting on the table. “Put the phone away. You need to leave.”

“In a minute,” Laura said, while staring at the screen.

“No, now.” Nina shook her head. “What can be that important beyond that screen?”

“I texted Alex this morning, and he hasn’t responded.” Laura whined.

“He’s probably busy leaving for school as well,” Nina responded. “Look sweetie, I understand. I was once a teenager too, waiting for my boyfriend to text back as well. He did, eventually. He always did. Don’t worry.”

“But weren’t you—?”

“Laura come on,” Oscar urged from the door. “Or do you wanna walk?”

“You can text from the car.” Aurora nodded as well.

“Have fun at school. And Laura, remember… We don’t want to start hearing reprimands that you’re texting in class.” Nina waved as the door closed after the kids left.

***

“Laura. Laura? Laura!!!”

Laura felt like she was rousing from a deep sleep. She looked up from her phone and saw piercing blue eyes staring at her framed by blonde hair. “Alex!?!”

“No, it’s not Alex. Why would it? He doesn’t go here.” Ivory shook Laura on her shoulder. “Are you on this planet? Hola, your best friend is calling!!!”

“Sorry.” Laura shook her head.

“What’s with you?” Ivory looked at her in concern. “You were just standing here.”

“I didn’t hear you. We came early, because Oscar needed to get a book for his lab partner. I wonder when he’s gonna man up…?”

“I wasn’t talking about that.” Ivory shook her head. “Or have you actually gone deaf? I called you at least ten thousand times.”

“Oh that?” Laura looked at Ivory. “I’m sorry. I’m just distracted.”

“Oh yeah, by Alex.” Ivory laughed slightly. “I guess I should have figured that. Well, tell me all the romantic details that are making you so distracted.”

“There is nothing to tell.” Laura sighed. “He’s not answering my messages.”

“Since when?”

“I sent him one this morning and he hasn’t responded.”

“Oh, I thought it was gonna be like a week or something.” Ivory laughed. “Hey look, I understand you, but don’t worry. You’re both busy. He will respond and it has only been like two hours.”

“Mom said the same thing.” Laura sighed. “But she doesn’t need to wait around for someone to text her back… She has Dad and they’re inseparable. I want that too.”

“They have also been married for over 20 years and together even longer. Let’s go inside,” Ivory gestured toward the door, “We'll be late soon.”

“Alex should have gone to Blake.” Laura kept talking as they walked through thet doors. “We could see each other everyday…”

“We’ll it’s not that easy to just go here.” Ivory pointed out while pulling a pin out of her hair. “Help me with this.”

“Yeah, I know that.” Laura said while holding Ivory’s blond lock in place. “It is Blake South College after all, but Alex would have gotten in. He’s smart.”

“If you say so.” Ivory nodded, “But do you remember all the forms I had to fill out so I could come here from Tableña? You didn’t have to do that since you came from Hoja which was an affiliate. It’s not easy, your Mom and Dad had to help mine with the forms so they went correctly. MOM needed help with official forms, those were that difficult. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to do that.”

“I guess you’re right—” Laura leaned on the wall in front of their first class.

Ding!!!

“Ivory!!” Laura took her phone out again. “It’s Alex!!”

“Told you were worrying for nothing.” Ivory laughed. “What does he say?”

“Let me see…” Laura frantically opened her phone, “It’s…Huh?”

“What?”

“He says we need to talk…” Laura’s face fell.

“Well, that doesn’t always mean bad news.” Ivory placed her hand on Laura’s shoulder. “What if… What if he’s transferring schools? That could be it. Relax, you can call him after class.”

***

“Okay, that was the last one.” Gastón took a grocery bag from Nina and put it down on the porch. “You have the key?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot yours.” Nina laughed and started pulling her own key out of her bag. She stopped mid motion suddenly and looked at Gastón with a serious expression. “Did you actually forget? Are you having memory problems? Why haven’t you told me?”

“No,” Gastón shook his head. “I am not having any memory problems. I actually have the keys, they’re just in the bottom of one of the bags.”

“Sorry,” Nina looked down for a moment, “I just…”

“It was 20 years ago and I’ve been fine ever since,” Gastón stroked her on the cheek. “The headache went away after a few hours. I've not been drinking enough water.”

“You’re right.” Nina nodded, “I’m…”

“You don’t need to be sorry, you went through it more than me.”

“That is not true. I don’t like thinking about it,” Nina shook her head, “Let's get these bags inside before three teenagers accuse us of starving them.”

“Wait,” Gastón pulled her closer and put his hand behind her nape and kissed her, “There, so we don’t get drowned with complaints later. Although, we should really just let them complain… Honestly, lately it has just been Aurora. Oscar and Laura don’t do it as much anymore.”

“Aurora will understand as well when she meets someone one day.” Nina opened the door.

“Oh hey, you’re finally home!” Aurora greeted from the couch…a little too cheerily.

“It’s not even five yet,” Nina looked at the time. “What do you mean finally? We have nothing to do today.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Aurora mumbled.

“Aurora, you’re sitting way too nicely on that couch,” Gastón looked at her suspiciously. “What have you done?”

“Nothing, I have done nothing.”

“Then why are you acting this way?” Nina asked, “What’s going on…?”

“Well…” Aurora breathed, “You should ask Laura, but she’s cooped up in her room crying—”

“Why is she crying? What happened? What’s wrong?”

“I should have probably started with that,” Aurora grimaced. “Alex’s family is moving to Spain.”

“Oh.” Gastón and Nina looked at each other.

“I don’t see why it is such a big deal,” Oscar walked from the direction of the library. “I mean long distance exists.”

“Not when you’re 14,” Gastón shook his head.

“We are not very good people to recommend long distance.” Nina nodded as well.

“Why?”

“It’s a long story,” Nina continued, “And not important right now.” She looked at Gastón again. “I’ll go talk to her.”

“Yeah,” He nodded, “I’ll call the Diazes, see what actually happened.”

Nina nodded and started climbing the stairs. The first heartbreak… Well, it was bound to come someday, especially as Laura was this young.

“Hey.” Nina pushed the door open to Laura’s bedroom. The room was pretty dark, there were no lights on. Only light came from the window. The girl was lying on the bed facing the window and cuddling her giant Winnie the Pooh plushie.

“Aurora told us…” Nina ran her hand through Laura’s hair as she sat down on the bed. “About Alex.”

“Aha.” Laura only mumbled.

“It must have been quite sudden and big news.” Nina continued.

“I guess so.” Laura responded. Her tone sounded very defeated for the bubbly girl she usually was.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Sweetie, it would be good…”

“He’s not going.” Laura suddenly stated. “He is not. He’s gonna speak his family out of it.”

“Laura, look. It’s not always—” Nina started, “—it’s not that simple. We don’t know what’s really going on, but surely his family have thought hard about why they are doing what they’re doing.”

“They can’t do that!” Laura sighed again. “They’re not gonna do that.”

“Unfortunately, there are some things that you can’t control. No matter how much you’d want to, I understand that. You’re allowed to feel…”

“I just wanna be alone,” Laura buried her head back into the plushie.

“Okay,” Nina nodded. She was a teenager, this had pretty much gone how it could have been imagined. “Dinner will be in about an hour. If you want—”

“I’ll come down.”

Nina walked out of the room and saw that Oscar’s door was open. She peeked inside and saw what she was looking for curled up on the bed and sleeping her sweet lab dreams. “Kelvin! Come here.”

The dog stirred at once and jumped down from the bed and padded toward Nina, wagging her tail. Nina took her to the other side of the hall, to Laura’s door and gestured inside. “Someone needs you.”

Kelvin understood her assignment at once. She calmly walked into the room and hopped onto Laura’s bed. She licked her cheek gently for a moment before lying down and resting her head on Laura’s shoulder. This way Laura would have at least some company.

Kelvin had huge empathic abilities, even when she had never been any sort of task trained. She could sense anxiety and stress from the air and always went to comfort the person who needed it. Just like Newton had, but Kelvin was his granddaughter after all.

“Sooo…” Gastón walked up the stairs as Nina closed the door to Laura’s room. “Apparently, Alex’s father, Alvaro, has been offered a position as a battalion chief in Madrid where he worked before they came here.”

“Explains a bigger move,” Nina thought, “Isn’t that quite a big step up?”

“He was a captain already, but yes, it is.” Gastón nodded. “I didn’t want to ask anything that intrusive, but I got the feeling that this has been in the plans for a while. They were probably just waiting for details to lock into the place and this was probably one of the final ones. How was Laura?”

“Clearly still processing.” Nina sighed, “Denial is…always the first step.”

“Unavoidable,” Gastón shook his head while looking at the door, “I really wish we could just skip that and save her from going through all that pain.”

“Time machines haven’t been invented…especially ones that take away heartbreak.” Nina leaned her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

“They say that we have to let them experience for them to learn.” Gasrón sighed, “I…and it was not like we didn’t know that this was coming at some point. Maybe not like this, but still. She’s so young.”

“She obviously thought this was gonna be her grand fairytale, when it’s not always that simple.”

“We both know that better than well.”

***

“—and now she’s completely heartbroken.” Ivory said as she sat on the dinner table.

“Well…” Ambar looked at her. “It is of course very sad, but that’s what happens in life. Not everything always works out. Laura’s gonna be fine.”

“I hope so,” Ivory stabbed a meatball with her fork. “I mean, we had already picked my Maid of Honor dress. It was gonna be pink…let me show you—”

“You girls remind me so much of myself and Delfi and Jazmin when we were younger,” Ambar laughed, “In a good way. We all had our wedding dresses picked out when we were in middle school…and none of us end up with those guys who we were thinking about. Thank goodness. Honestly, this is a pretty unavoidable experience as a teenager.”

“Why are you two picking out wedding dresses?” Simon walked out of his music lair. “Should I be worried?”

“Of course not, Darling,” Ambar laughed. “We were just talking about the future and heartbreak.”

“Why?” Simon sat down, “I repeat, should I be worried?”

“No…” Ivory shook her head, “Alex, Laura’s boyfriend is moving away.”

“Oh noh.” Simon made a face.

“Yep,” Ivory nodded, “They’re going back to Spain.”

“Well, the only thing you can do is to be there to support her.”

***

“She said she’d be down, but she hasn’t come.” Nina said as they were all almost finished with dinner. “Maybe I should go get her…”

“Maybe better to give her some time.” Gastón responded while running a hand on her back.

At that moment Laura suddenly walked down the stairs, but she didn’t even look toward the dinner table. She just straight B-lined through the living room and turned toward the library.��

“Uhm, so… I have to go do our Biology project.” Oscar said and got up from the table.

“And… I have homework.” Aurora left swiftly as well.

“Great to see how supportive they're of their sister,” Gastón said to Nina while shaking his head. “You should probably go talk to her. I’ll clear these up.”

Nina nodded, got up and started walking toward the library. As she turned a corner toward it, she could clearly hear crying. On the other hand, it absolutely broke her heart to hear her child crying, but she also knew that crying was good for you. It was necessary to let all of those feelings out.

She saw Laura curled up on the floor in the back corner of the library. “Laura?”

“I’ll come for dinner in a sec.” She raised her face from her knees.

“That’s not important right now. You shouldn’t be sitting on the floor, it’s full of Kelvin’s fur.” Nina offered her hand to Laura and she took it. Nina pulled her daughter up and closed in a hug.

“This is so unfair,” Laura sobbed. “Is no one thinking about me? What am I supposed to do if he leaves?”

“Sweetie,” Nina helped Laura to sit down on one of the armchairs where they stood. “I know it hurts, but it will get better. It always will. I know how you feel—”

“No you don’t.” Laura interjected. “You’ve never been heartbroken in your life. Dad said himself that he would have proposed two years before he actually did, but he wanted to let you finish your degree first.”

“That… That is not actually true.” Nina sighed. Maybe it was finally time for this story.

“What do you mean?”

“That I have never had my heart broken before.” Nina continued. “I actually have, majorly. I know exactly how you feel. You see, when I was your age, freshmen at Blake, I met someone… He was handsome, kind, had beautiful eyes and a captivating accent. He also didn’t know I existed and I thought I was stupid and foolish to ever like him and he would never like me back. I was wrong.”

“Who was he?” Laura’s head perked up.

“Your father.”

“Dad?” Laura started looking confused, “But you got together at Oxford.”

“We did.” Nina nodded, “That’s not wrong … The thing is, there are things we never told you. We got together at Oxford, but it was more like we got back together. You know how we went to school together and hung at Roller. We started dating at the end of my sophomore year and were together through my junior and his senior year, but then he went to Oxford and…we didn’t think it was going to work out. In the end it was both of our fault. But then, a year later, I decided that Oxford was where I wanted to study too. I didn’t expect to meet him again…”

“But you still did?”

“Yes,” Nina nodded, “We did. I mean, obviously given with Luna and Matteo, we were always going to be in each other's lives in one way or another.”

“But what you told us about Marlee and Ariana—”

“It is true. I didn’t know that my roommates were Dad’s friends until we ran into each other and then we couldn’t avoid it. Love always finds a way when it is true. I don’t really know why we never told you. I guess the Uni part is the clearest to understand in a way.” Nina brushed some hair out of Laura’s face, “By this, I’m not trying to say that the same will happen to you, Dad and I were extremely lucky. What I am trying to say with this is that: You never know what life has in store for you, and there are things that you can’t control. Also that I understand the hurt you’re feeling right now.”

“I just…” Laura looked at the wall again, “...I’ve wasted my time now…”

“No you have not,” Nina shook her head, “Sweetie look… Even if this didn’t work out, there is no reason you need to regret it. You can still view it as a good memory. You don’t grow if you don’t have experiences.”

“I don’t want to grow. I just want Alex.”

***

“She fell right asleep.” Nina said to Gastón as she closed the bedroom door in the evening.

“Must have been really exhausted by all of this,” He responded. “She’s a tough girl, she’ll be fine with time. It is hard to watch her to be hurt though. I don’t like it.”

“Me neither.” Nina shook her head as well as she sat down on the bed. “I told her…about Oxford.”

“Well, it was about time that came out.” Gastón half sighed and half laughed. “That means we need to tell Aurora and Oscar too, it’s only fair. I can do that. Let them know in full what sort of an idiot I was back then.”

“We’re gonna get teased so hard, but I think we deserve it.” Nina nodded. “The whole story is so convoluted.”

“Maybe it’s time you actually write a book about it and make it make sense,” Gastón laughed again and ran his fingers through a lock of her hair.

“Well, are you ready to co-author again?” Nina tilted her head, “I’ve told you, I’m not doing that alone. I don’t even know the full story.”

“We’ll see about that, even though I love working with you…” He brought his face closer to hers, “At least we know that that story has a very happy ending.”

***

“OMG!!! Seriously?!?!” Stella jumped forward like a long jumper, managing to get forward at least over a meter with just one leap.

“I always knew there was something they weren’t telling us,” Aurora shook her head. “Sparks suddenly flew at university; my face. I never should have bought it.”

“Don’t pretend that it’s not super romantic.” Stella continued, grabbing Aurora from the shoulders as they kept walking. “They thought is was seriously over and then still found their way to each other, because true love is unavoidable. It’s almost like a fairytale.”

“Well… It does prove the invisible string theory…” Aurora smiled smally.

“Uuf, guess what I just realized?” Stella stopped in the middle of the hallway, “Mom and Dad must have known about this… Actually, OF COURSE THEY KNOW!! I have a bone to pick with them for that.”

“Actually, Dad said that if we want to hear the full, unfiltered version, we need to ask your mom and dad.” Aurora nodded.

“That settles it!” Stella’s expression brightened even more. “You’re coming over today after school, and we’re forcing Mom and Dad to have story time.”

“Sure,” Aurora nodded, “but we need to do our homework first.”

“I can’t believe they are actually giving us homework, when we have tomorrow free.”

“I honestly don’t get why they are randomly giving us a Wednesday free,” Aurora shook her head, “but you know the teachers. There will always be homework.”

“I still need to hear Mom and Dad’s version of your parents actual love story,” Stella continued. “Your family is so lucky in love…”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Aurora sighed. Laura hadn’t been herself since yesterday, even when she tried to insist that she was fine, but obviously was not. She kept playing sad Taylor Swift songs on her guitar, which she rarely actually did. “I mean, Alex is lucky that the reason why he’s breaking Laura’s heart is because he is moving. Otherwise he’d be done for.”

“By whose hands?” Stella laughed, “Your Dad’s or yours.”

“Either one’s.” Aurora shook her head. “You don’t mess with my family, with any of us…”

“You don’t mean that…at least about Oscar.” Stella made a dreamy face. “He couldn’t hurt a fly. He’s so gentle like that…”

“When did we start talking about Oscar?” Aurora mumbled—mostly to herself since Stella wasn’t listening—cringing, “How would you know? Actually, you wouldn‘t know. Look, the thing I like talking about even less than my parents' relationship is your fantasy relationship with my brother. Stella, you know I want the best for you and it’s never gonna happen… For both of your sake, stop.”

***

“Yeah, changing that will even out the fluctuations.” Gastón kicked his feet to spin his chair around while he was sitting in his home office while the meeting was playing out on the computer.

“Good, now that we got that settled, we’ll be proceeding with this plan.” Regina Cavelro, the CEO of Castillo Corporations concluded. “Thank you Gastón, for getting that sorted.”

“No problem, that’s what were all doing here.” Gastón nodded, “Thanks for allowing this by the way. I'd have come to the office, but it’s the first period’s exam season and the students—mostly freshmen—get so anxious when the grades take long, so I try to get them in as soon as possible.”

“I told you already that it’s not a problem. That is great work you're doing.”

“When are you actually going to show your face here again, Perida? Not everything can be remotely managed.” One of the other engineers asked, and Gastón rolled his eyes out of the view of the web cam. Jorge Purial had been his fellow assistant engineer when he had been elevated to the executive team—over 20 years ago, but they had never become friends. Jorge had apparently taken it as a bit of a personal offense that Gastón had managed such a promotion at the age of 25, when he apparently hadn’t gotten there until his mid 30s. So, Gastón had never been able to prove himself to him, like everyone else at the team.

Honestly, he had never even cared. Especially not at this point, as senior engineers with the most experience of the team.

“Friday,” Gastón responded, “I know we have a string of important meetings. I’m not planning on missing them. My schedule is my own private business.”

“And our business is about to end this meeting,” Regina started speaking again.

“Is the owner going to be attending the meeting on Friday?” Larissa Idolin, one of the newer assistant engineers asked.

“I’m not sure.” Regina responded. “I will talk to her. Anyways, we are done here.”

Gastón blew some air out of his mouth as he closed the meeting and opened the folder of student assignments. Believe it or not, he actually liked his job…or jobs, if he was precise.

He had just finished writing the last grade on the terminal…

“Argh!!” Suddenly there was a very frustrated yell and a loud thump that came from outside.

Gastón turned his head around and stared at the door for a moment, considering his options—

—Nope, he couldn’t ignore it. There were three teenagers in this house, no matter how well behaved they were, loud noises more often than not meant that something had been thrown. All three of them had especially been talented at throwing stuff at toddlers, so much that they all would have probably been really good at baseball.

As soon as he opened the door, Gastón could identify the culprit of the loud noise. About two meters away from the door, on the floor laid a phone.

Gastón picked it up. Thankfully it wasn’t broken, or the screen wasn’t cracked. Good thing the case was sturdy enough. The hot pink, bejeweled case also gave away immediately who was guilty of electronic manhandling. “Laura!”

“What?” Laura appeared on the door of her bedroom.

“Guess.” Gastón raised the phone in the air so she could see it. “You know, purposefully breaking this won’t get you a new one any faster. It will actually slow the process down to the point that we’ll be paying for your phone next when you go to college.”

“Oh,” Laura’s face fell and she sprinted toward him across the hall, “It didn’t break right?”

“It didn’t,” Gastón didn’t hand the phone back to her quite yet. ”but it could have. Or it could have hit someone. What’s going on?”

“I thought you were in a meeting.” Laura looked down.

“I was, but then it ended and the office isn’t that soundproof. It would be dangerous to society if we could just soundproof our life from all the teenagers.” Gastón crossed his arms, “What I wanna know is that, why is my teenage daughter throwing her phone, that she never parts with, around? Laura, this is nothing like you. Who were you talking to?”

“...Alex.” Laura blew some air out of her mouth and looked out of the window. Her eyes started glistening with tears. “I just don’t understand. It’s almost like he wants to leave. He’s not even intending to fight for us.”

“You’ve asked him why?” Gastón ran his hand on her arm. Crying was extremely healthy, that was something his parents had taught him, but he still didn’t like seeing his daughter cry. It cut somewhere really deep, but that was part of being a parent.

“Apparently his mom and dad have made a decision.” Laura shook her head, “That’s it, nothing to be done. I can’t accept that. I don’t get it, why do they need to move?”

“Alvaro got a promotion to be a chief,” Gastón continued, “that's a huge opportunity.”

“But he was already a captain,” Laura insisted, “Why can’t they just stay here? He could be the chief here.”

“It’s not that simple, Laura. Sometimes when you get the opportunity you have to take it, to make a better life for your family.” Gastón looked her into the eyes. “This is exactly what your grandparents did when I was four. They didn’t know what was gonna be happening, but they had to take the chance. Look at them now, and they did all that so I'd have a better life. If we’d stayed in Cordoba, I would have never met your mother or gone to the schools I did…”

“Are you on their side now, huh?” Laura crossed her arms. “Because you left Mom when you went to Uni?”

“No,” Gastón sighed, “Laura, I was barely 19, or not even that. I was stupid and an idiot. Mom was gracious enough to give me another chance later on, which I will forever be grateful for. She’s the only woman for me and I can’t live without her. But this isn’t about that, we were adults—barely, but still—with Alex, he’s not making the decision. His parents have decided what is best for them, like mine did when we moved here.”

“But Alex’s family isn’t poor.” Laura stared.

“That doesn’t mean they are rich.” Gastón took Laura by the arm, “There is a huge difference between two extremes.”

“I don’t get it.” Laura looked confused.

“Come inside,“ Gastón gestured toward the office, “I’ll see if I can explain.”

“What is there to explain?” Laura continued as she followed her father into the office. “They aren’t poor.”

“Being poor and living in poverty is an extreme that in a perfect world wouldn’t ideally exist. It shouldn’t exist.” Gastón started again, sitting on the couch in the office. “My parents, they grew up in a way that their families sometimes couldn’t afford electricity, so they were able to eat. They couldn’t afford any school fees, the only reason why they were able to go to university was because grandma and grandpa both received full scholarships. I don’t know all the details about this, because they succeeded in what they wanted, that I'd never need to experience what they did. But, just because some people, like Alex’s family, aren’t in that bad of a situation, it doesn’t mean they still don’t strive for a better life. Lot of working-class people do, especially if they have a lot of children. Few are in such a fortunate position as us.”

“Because we’re rich?” Laura asked carefully while looking at Gastón.

“We are.” He nodded, “What Mom and I have always tried to teach you is that we are not better than anyone else, and you don’t think that way. That doesn’t mean there aren’t differences in the way we live. Not everyone goes to Disney for two weeks almost every year, or does Disney Cruises and travel to Europe with almost no effort. You remember when we told you that those fancy cabins on Disney Dream weren’t the norm? Economically, we are extremely fortunate and stable. Mom and I both have masters from Oxford, which has been a huge door opener for us. I received a substantial promotion way earlier into the job than is the norm. The success Mom has reached with a few first of her books alone is also not usual, but she’s really talented and a genius, like we all know. Not the mention that I have a major inheritance some day and there are thing’s Mom’s parents will leave behind for her too.”

“What does this have to do with Alex abandoning me again?” Laura lowered her head.

“I am being transparent with you, because it is important that you understand,” Gastón brushed some hair out of her face, “The economic statuses are different, and people make choices based on what is best for them. Diazes have made the decision that’s right for them. Try to understand that, it has nothing to do with you.”

“Then why does it feel like it?” Laura asked, a single tear streaming down her face again, “Am I not allowed to be happy?”

“Of course you are,” Gastón pulled her into a hug and Laura buried her face into his shoulder. “I know how you feel. It is totally normal that you’re feeling sad and hurt, but it’s not the end of the world if a boy breaks up with you.”

“Mom said that same thing,” Laura sighed, “but…”

“You are an extremely smart, kind, talented and creative girl who knows how to light up the room. You don’t need a guy,” Gastón shook his head, “Doesn’t mean you can’t want one. I am looking forward to walking you down the aisle—one day, in the future.”

“So, what do I do now?”

“Have fun, spend time with your friends, focus on the things you like, skate. Try to clear your head. I heard from Simon and Ambar that Ivory is really worried about you. We are all here for you, Mom and I. Oscar and Aurora are too.”

“Thanks Dad.” Laura hugged him tighter.

“But…this does not mean you can keep throwing things around. It could have hit Kelvin or someone else and it would have hurt. Hits in the head are serious. If you want to throw things around to get your feelings out, we can go to a basketball court. Or baseball, there you could also hit the ball.”

“I hate ball sports.” Laura whined.

“That’s okay,” Gastón laughed, “That was just a suggestion. I can also talk with one of our contractors at corporations, if they need volunteers for demolitions. You could take it all our on a concrete slab.”

“Manual labor and ballgames? Those are your suggestions?” Laura rolled her eyes. “I thought we were having a moment here.”

“Ice cream also works.”

“Lets go with that,” Laura laughed.

“Hey.” Nina walked through the office door at that moment. “Is everything okay?”

“Someone threw her phone across the hall.” Gastón looked at her and then back at Laura.

“Laura!”

“It’s okay, we talked about it and she won’t do it again.” Gastón continued, “I’ll tell you the full story later.”

“Are there no secrets left in this house?” Laura whined, “Way to put me under the bus.”

“Not between us,” Nina looked at her husband. “and he’s a terrible liar anyway.”

***

“Aurora!”

“This is the second time this week you almost frightened the life out of me.” Aurora raised her head off the book and looked toward Laura who had appeared in front of her in the library. “What’s with the lurking?”

“I wasn’t lurking,” Laura shook her head and scooted closer. “I, need, you, to…come to Roller with me.”

“Why?” Aurora looked at her again. “Laura, it’s not even open right now.”

“Because it is a random Wednesday, and we have no school.” Laura stated. “Since I am a team member now, I can use the open hours. I’d have the rink to myself.”

“Why do I need to come?” Aurora kept staring. “You will never strong arm me to wear skates.”

“Mom and Dad don’t let me go there by myself during the open hours.” Laura pleaded, “If I start asking Ivory, she’d need a ride and I don’t even know if she can come. It will take forever. I need to go now, I need to decompress and clear my head. My heart is broken if you remember? Only skating can help. Please please please. You can solve your murder mysteries from the bleachers.”

“Okay…” Aurora sighed and closed And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie. Maybe she couldn’t tell Laura no at that moment… At least she wasn’t crying all the time anymore. “No longer than two hours.”

“Yay!” Laura jumped up and yanked Aurora off her armchair. “Lets go.”

“Now?”

“Yes now now. What were you thinking?” Laura started dragging Aurora out of the library. They almost crashed into Nina who was writing something on the chalkboard wall outside of the library.

“Careful girls,” Nina looked at her daughters, “What are you doing?”

“Sorry Mom.” Laura piped up. “I’m going to Roller.”

“I thought it wasn’t…”

“It’s not open, but I can get in due to the open independent hours,” Laura continued, “before you say anything, I know I can’t go alone, so Aurora’s coming with me.”

“Willingly?” Nina raised an eyebrow at them, “Laura, you can’t force your sister.”

“It’s fine Mom,” Aurora rolled her eyes, “I don’t mind. I can read anywhere.” She gestured toward her book.

“You’re finally reading that?” Nina smiled, “Who do you think the murderer is?”

“I’m leaning toward the doctor,” Aurora answered, “It’s definitely not the judge or the butler.”

“Okay.” Nina nodded.

“Don’t tell me,” Aurora continued, “No hints whatsoever. I’ll figure it out.”

“I know you will. Well, you two have fun. Be home for dinner.”

“I can’t believe that you actually convinced me to do this,” Aurora sighed as she sat on the bleachers of Jam and Roller.

“Oh, what won’t you you do for your favorite sister?” Laura laughed as she laced up her skates.

“You’re my only sister.” Aurora rolled her eyes back.

“Whatever works for you.” Laura rolled on the rink and connected her phone onto the speakers.

Aurora had just opened her book when Taylor Swift started blasting through the rink. Don’t get her wrong, she was a swifty herself, just more of a Folklore, Evermore with some Tortured Poets Department sprinkled in. Laura was very hard core on the classics: Fearless, Speak Now, 1989… Neither of them were that big on Reputation or Midnights from the first TEN ERAS.

But there were some limits everyone had…

“Okay, that’s enough!” Aurora slammed her book shut just as there were only three people alive on the island. She grabbed Laura’s phone—lil sis was never good at keeping her password under wraps.

“What?” Laura stopped her some sort of impro piece when Aurora paused the music.

“You've been playing Haunted and All Too Well (10 Minute version) on a loop for an hour.” Aurora leaned on the railing.

“Well, I am heartbroken.” Laura insisted.

“No one is saying that you can’t be but…” Aurora sighed while browsing music on Laura’s phone, “Can we at least plot a murder in the meanwhile?”

She pressed the play button and No Body, No Crime started playing.

“You and your murders,” Laura made a face. “You know what? Alex once said that he didn’t believe that I could do Abigail’s signature trick. Well, jokes on him, she has shown it to us multiple times now and even explained how it's done. I’m gonna do it right now and prove him wrong.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” Aurora furrowed her brow.

“Yeah,” Laura nodded. “Dad’s right. I need no man and Alex can go to Spain feeling really stupid. I know how to do it.”

“Okay then.” Aurora shook her head and sat back down with her book. It was not like she knew enough about skating to argue with Laura.

Laura skated onto the corner and took the first stance. She could do this. She started skating forward, shifted her weight onto her right leg and pushed herself off the ground in a spinning motion…

“Aih!!!”

“Laura?” Aurora raised her eyes off the page, just in time to see the horror of a sight.

Laura’s skate touched the rink’s surface in an angle no one’s leg should ever be in, almost folding over. She crashed down on the ground hard after few tumbles and laid there motionless. The hem of her white skirt was stained red…

“Oh my god!” Aurora threw her book away and jumped over the rink’s railing—she might have not been athletic, but she had some of those agile genes as well when it counted. “No, no no no no!”

Laura still wasn’t moving, and Aurora was really afraid of even looking at her leg. She wasn’t Oscar, she wouldn’t be able to stomach or identify whatever open fracture was happening there, but she knew it was bad. There was only one thing she could do.

“Hello?” She quickly dialed the 3 numbers on her phone. “I need help.”

{}

Well, well well... How's that for a first teenage heartbreak? Next chap will be fun. Anyways, for some this might sound a tad bit famialiar, especially with how many headaches Gastón has had lately. If you know, you know... Also, I love that I got a bit o a chance to focus on the relatioship Aurora and Laura have with each other, as sisters. If you're wondering why Alex does not feature in this chap at all, it's because he as a person or a charcter was never actually inportant. He was a nice boy, that's about it, there was nothing wrong with him. But they are 14 and life happens, the whole relationship was never that deep, but that doesn't mean Laura can't be hurt.

#soy luna #soy luna fanfiction #gastina #simbar #pelfi #lutteo #Soy Luna next gen

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sofarsofastmp3 · 2 months ago

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this month i declared love for an author and then immediately discovered a major problem. whoops.

helloooo. i’d been writing all of these at once at the end of the month and for september i decided to attempt some level of organization by writing my comments right after finishing the book! this did make for longer “reviews” but. we move.

prodigal summer by barbara kingsolver

barbara!!!! what the hell, girl!! i’ve owned prodigal summer for over two years and i regret all the time that we’ve occupied the same space without becoming acquainted. i inhaled 90% of this book over the course of a 12 hour travel day and the next afternoon; i am obsessed with it. there are three main story threads that become more clearly entwined as they each unfold. i do have a favorite, but it took the entire novel to decide. since finishing, i’ve fallen in love with the incredibly vague blurbs for this book on its goodreads page and on the back of my paperback copy. all it gives you going in is that this is a story about connection and the environment of southern appalachia. all the author pull quotes are calling it sexy and lush. and yeah, it’s all of the above!! kingsolver puts her biology degree to work in this thing. even when i had no real idea where this book was going, i had already fallen in love with the writing and setting. it’s also incredibly tender in a way that sneaks up on you. i just love it. my one single qualm is that sometimes the women’s internal monologues lean a little on the gender essentialist side, but i see what kingsolver is doing with it and also it was 2000. i have one of her short story collections on my shelf already (another one that’s been in my orbit for over a year. barbara i’m so sorry for ignoring you.) and i’m feeling drawn to demon copperhead which won her the pulitzer last year.

ne’er duke well by alexandra vasti

another one for the book fest spreadsheet <3 i like vasti. back in early 2023, i read her self published novellas that you get for free when you sign up for her newsletter, and i was jazzed when i found out she was getting traditionally published! ne’er duke well has the things i liked about the novellas (lovable, funny characters with tangible feelings and inner worlds), but it’s also missing something. several scenes, actually. at multiple points in this book, a new chapter starts days or weeks ahead! normally i wouldn’t mind but it felt like she was glossing over kind of important stretches of time. an entire wedding is skipped!! this combined with a severely cheesy conclusion to both main conflicts left me wanting a bit more. i’m hoping her next one is paced a bit better to have that depth.

a halifax holiday by alexandra vasti (halifax hellions #4)

it’s cute! a 40ish page holiday epilogue for a trilogy of novellas. not much to say, and honestly i read the novellas so long ago i kept forgetting which of the twin sisters was which and who they married.

i am made of death by kelly andrew

third time was the charm with me actually reading kelly andrew arcs before their pub date lol. i got physical arcs of both the whispering dark and your blood, my bones but read both books a couple months after their releases. i put in a netgalley request for this one last week; it doesn’t come out until march. it’s 2:30 am and i just finished it. i haven’t been sleeping great recently. but also this book was just really engaging! i’ll have to write a real review at some point so the arc people don’t get mad, but for here in my little ramble diary i’ll just say i really like andrew. your blood, my bones is still my favorite, but i think she’s continuing to evolve and create such a fun, twisty voice. i like how gross these last two books have gotten, and i think her characters’ sharpness feels more honest than a lot of ya protagonists i’ve read. this one in particular felt that way. i love vivienne; she is so real and dear to me, and hearing how andrew kind of channeled some of her younger self’s feelings about being disabled into this character was super interesting. you can really see her tap into that with vivienne, who is mute. some of the finer details of her world building and lore could use some work, but her characters are really the main focus and are also one of her strongest points. her imagery goes crazy. that’s the best part by far.

her wanton wager (mayhem in mayfair #2) by grace callaway

this is my second grace callaway and i think i have to accept that for all people rave about her online, she’s not for me. both her male and female characters kind of run together in the same, boring (to me) framework. even when i can see clear cameos of couples from her other works in the book! there’s only so many times i can hear about an ultra masculine scoundrel with a tragic past and secret heart of gold. especially when it’s done so similarly every time

antigonick (sophocles) translated by anne carson

brief, yet impactful. obviously antigone and polynices are the focus here but ismene and antigone’s exchange of “i want to row the boat with you” “save yourself” “i’ll be so lonely” is so. i have 3 siblings. you understand. i’m excited to read more anne carson, this is the first full work of hers i’ve read and i liked it a lot. great rhythm and it’s such a funny translation/interpretation but also contains these truly walloping lines. i think it’s always interesting getting the full context of tumblr’s poetry darlings. “but who can grow me a new brother” has circulated thousands upon thousands of times clipped by itself, pasted into a scrapbook web weave, and edited onto succession stills. you can feel the force of it in all of those places, but none like in here. also, i’m a little obsessed with thinking about translation or adaptation as the john ashbery “trying to peel off the wallpaper in my room, not out of animosity but because it seemed there must be be something fascinating behind [it]”

the earl on the train by kerrigan byrne (victorian rebels #6.5)

i’m a sucker for a stupid pun. was scrolling hoopla unable to sleep and this was only 170 pages! had a blast, kind of wish this was a full length novel, and now i really want to read more of this series/byrne in general. i’ve read in-series novellas from people before where it was just full of name and lore drops that made it impossible to enjoy if you haven’t read every book in the series (tessa dare i love you your spindle cove novellas are incomprehensible), but this totally stands alone while making me incredibly intrigued by the installment these two characters hail from. okay WAIT. the installment in question is called “the duke with the dragon tattoo.” using two goofy puns on popular mystery novels to link your stories? ms byrne i Love you.

a dark and drowning tide by allison saft

i have been SO anticipating saft’s adult debut and i liked it so! much! it honestly doesn’t feel too distant from her ya, it has the same kind of close feel and she still utilizes highly political plot points, but you can sense that she wanted to up the ante a bit. this is an expedition gone wrong, a murder mystery, a political conspiracy, and a lesbian romance. there’s a lot going on!! but it’s all contained well. a worse author would have dragged this into at least another book. i know her next book is ya but i’m kind of hoping for a continued venture into adult fantasy. again, i’m selfish!

the highwayman by kerrigan byrne (victorian rebels 1)

prefacing this with the fact that i am pms-ing. severely. but i spent like a third of this book on the verge of tears my GOD. i have ~qualms~ with the way some of blackwell’s baggage is handled and there’s a kind of comically evil third act villain that doesn’t feel necessary given how much conflict this book already grapples with lmao BUT!! i read this in one sitting and i was so invested

the hunter by kerrigan byrne (victorian rebels 2)

incredibly weird stereotypes of like four different cultures in the first 30% ish of this book that are then never mentioned again. it was so bizarre, even with its eventual absence, i still kept thinking back on it as i was reading. it was like in an effort to diversify her story, byrne overcorrected into two dimensional nonsense. i have no clue if i’m going to keep going in this series, but even if i do eventually, i need a break from it. just weird.

#kind of a weird month #the good was Amazing the rest was. hm.#also i fucked up the order on my graphic which is killing me but i have something else i wanna work on tonight #so. picking mybattles #books #wrapup

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sakurachan7734 · 4 months ago

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Nothing but a lab rat

Kim’s backstory

Chapter 2: what have you done to our daughter?!

The guards kick down Kim’s door

Kim: MOMMY!!

The Guards grab Kim by the arms and drag her out but she was kicking and screaming and crying

Kim:* sobbing* MOMMY HELP ME PLEASE!!!

?????: here’s the money ma’am

Angel: thank you sir now don’t Bother sending her back

?????: ok miss linson

The guards get Kim into a big van and drive away

Kim:*kicking the door* LET ME GO LET ME GO!!!

Agent Felix: Jesus Christ somebody shut that kid up

Agent Dwight: I told you that we should have put her to sleep

Agent Felix: well that lady wanted her out as fast as possible

6 hours later John arrives back home

John: hay where is Kim? I thought she stayed home today.

Angel: let’s just say she won’t be here anymore

John: Angel what did you do with her?

Angel: I gave her to science

John: YOU DID WHAT?!

Angel: I sold her off because I felt like you were paying more attention than me

John: ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME?! YOU ARE JEALOUS THAT I AM BEING A FATHER!?

John and angel get into a large argument that ended up in a divorce and Angel leaving the house

John pov

I aways wanted to break the cycle of very messy divorces in my family but here i am sobbing on the couch clearly that didn’t go well Nearly every plate in this house is broken I think she broke a chair too because I was trying to be a good dad and actually love the kid I brought into this world I don’t know where Kim is

John decided to call Lucifer

Lucifer: what do you need John? is it like 8 o’clock where you are?

John:* crying* listen can you please come over bring the strongest wine you have I want to drink until I feel like I will die

Lucifer: did you and your wife get into a fight again?

John: well now she’s my ex-wife just I will explain it just please come over

Lucifer turns human goes to John’s house

Luci: hay John what’s wo- what the actual f**k happened here?!

John:* sobbing into the couch* angel she got rid of kim!!

Luci: What?

John:* gets up a throws a nightstand lamp* ANGEL F**KING SOLD THE ONLY REASON I WORK MY A$$ OFF TO SEE HER HAPPY!! * sobbing* I have no clue where she is!!

Luci: hay don’t break your stuff, dude just calm down and explain it to me

About half an hour later John calms down

John: OK now that I’m kind of drunk I will explain I came home from work today and Kim didn’t run up to me like she always does and I know that she wasn’t anywhere on the main floor I asked Angel where she was she said that she sold her off to a lab

Luci: that’s terrible I told you you’re wedding at that lady was going to be super selfish during your marriage and didn’t you say she was kind of self-centered when you were in high school

John: I know you did but I thought she would change

Luci: and I understand why you think that you did tell me about your family‘s history and you did it one repeat it why don’t you ask your sisters if they seen her?

John: they both live in Washington so I don’t think they will know where she is unless she somehow got a trip within a few hours

Luci: true maybe you should talk with them next time

John: I will

Meanwhile with Kim

James: hello I am Dr James I am going to be the scientist watching over you * hands Kim a white shirt and a white knee length skirt*

Kim: I want shorts

James: all right I’ll be right back

Kim pov

I’m gonna cold room made out of metal and there is some sort of cushion on the walls there is what looks to be a window that I can’t see them from but they can see me there is a bed in the corner and a table and chair nearly everything in the room except the table and chair are white it’s like being in a crazy room in the movies and I can kinda hear other kids my age screaming and crying before Dr. James left. He gave me a bracelet that looks like something I was given in the hospital when I had a really bad cut my leg sewn up but I think it’s out of metal or something

James:* enters the room* all right here you go get changed you’re gonna be here for a while

Kim: how long is a while?

James: possibly for the rest of your life

James leaves the room and Kim gets changed into the clothes she was given

Kim: hello?

Kate: hello subject 682

Kim: what are you gonna do with me here?

Kate: oh this is just a medical facility you were really sick so your mother called us to take good care you

Kim: but I feel fine

Kate: you have a parasite inside of you that needs to removed

Kim: ok can I leave this room?

Kate: yes but there is a clock that rings at 10:30pm you must be in your room by then and if you aren’t you will be punished

Kim: ok miss

Kim pov

I left my room and the building looks the same as my room with plush walls and hard floors I saw a bunch of kids my age and older but they look different then me they look like they were combined with animals and they are crying and I see blood on the floor I forgot to mention that Dr. James also gave me a pair of grippy socks I don’t know why, but they kind of stuck to the floor when he walked all the girls wore a white shirt and knee length skirt and the boys wore a white shirt and white shorts

Jade: I thought only the boys wore short

Kim: well I asked if I could have shorts

Jade: are you new here?

Kim: yes I am

Jade: you’re gonna die here

Kim: what?

Jade: they’re gonna perform horrible experiments on you here by mixing your blood with animal blood mine was mixed with a deer they say that it’s a medical facility but they’re lying

Kim: ok I will kept that in mind

A few hours later the alarm goes off and everyone starts walking back to the room

Kim: what will happen if I don’t get back to my room?

Jade: you will not be able to leave your room for about four weeks

Kim:…..ok…..

Kim:* enters back into her room*

Kate: what do you want for dinner?

Kim: what?

Kate: it’s dinner time what do you want to eat?

Kim: I want grilled octopus

Kate: like the whole octopus?

Kim: no just tentacles

Kate: ok that will be out as soon as possible

Meanwhile with John and Angel

John: just grab your sh!t and leave I never wanna see you again

Angel: I thought you loved me

John: I did, but not after you sold your daughter off to somewhere she can be f***ing killed tell me where she is now

Angel: I can’t give you that information

John: fine then I just will go to Lucia

Angel: why don’t you just call your f***ing sisters?

John: I don’t think they know where she is either tell me where she is

Angel: I’m not gonna tell you that I already told you

John: fine I hope you sleep well night, knowing that our daughter it’s probably gonna die there

Angel:* grabbed all the bags of her stuff* I will

Angel leaves the house and gets an Uber to her new place John decides to go Lucia’s castle

John:* bows down* oh great ruler Queen Lucia I need help and please forgive me

Lucia: what do you need Mr Linson?

John: my now ex wife sold our little girl to a laboratory and she won’t tell me where she is I know that you have a crystal ball that you can use to find her and I admit, we got into an argument when I found out she sold her and we did get physical

Lucia:* gets up from her throne* follow me

John follows Lucia to a room with the crystal ball

Lucia: just ask the ball your question and it will answer

John: where is my daughter? She has dark teal and black hair with beautiful blue eyes

The crystal ball shows Kim sitting at the table, eating her dinner at the lab “ she is it an underground facility west from here”

John: thank you Lucia

Lucia: you’re welcome johnHopefully you get her home safely

end of chapter

here is chapter 1

#lizard oc #oc backstory #oc family

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sexintheraine · 9 months ago

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Thank you for everything that you made me feel.

For making me feel alive again after all that I thought was everything, turned out to be less than anything.

The small moments I’ve had with you have made me realize that it’s ok to trust someone again, to feel heard and supported and thought of.

You saying that I deserve open communication and someone’s time and what you’re going through doesn’t take away from how you feel about me, made me fall even harder for you.

You said you wouldn’t handle the dismay like he did. You said I didn’t have to worry about you. And I believed you. I still believe you.

I want to see you. But I don’t want to be overbearing or the only one asking you for your time. I want you to want to steal mine too.

I was okay while I was sick because I slept my days away. I was doing everything I could to get back to healthy. I’m still not 100% yet. But 98% I would say.

I miss your taste. I miss the small glances you’d take when you thought I wouldn’t know. I miss the way I fit perfectly under your arm as you walk me to my car. And the kiss you steal before I watch you disappear and I drive home. I miss your possession.

I want you to stay the night. I want to wake up next to you. I want you to hold me close while we sleep. Legs and bodies tangled.

I want to road trip with you and get away from the noise.

I want to go play billiards at the pool hall near your place.

I want to take that trip to China to steal a piece of the Great Wall.

I want you to be my wedding date to my best friends wedding in August.

I’m afraid I’m no longer falling for you. I’m afraid I’m completely locked in. I’m afraid I can’t help it. I want to run around Piedmont park and have a nerf battle.

I want to watch Kentucky games and take Ruger to the dog park. I want to see movies and hang at the pool when it opens.

For my birthday; I would love to go to my parents cabin with you for a weekend getaway if we can swing it.

I want to watch a match of yours at the gun range.

Maybe go roller blading or ice skating. I wish I knew how you felt about roller coasters…

I want you to meet my parents and my brothers and I want to meet your sisters and yours.

Maybe we go to New York to visit our siblings together. Spend a day with yours and with mine.

I want to dream of the possibilities with you again.

I’ll never look at spicy food and not think of you.

When I send a long text, I’ll wish for your lengthy responses.

I’m not sure what will happen with us next,,, but if I never see you again, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for recognizing what I deserve.

Thank you for making me feel alive.

Thank you for giving me comfort in the midst of bullshit outside of us.

Thank you for being a gentleman.

If this is the end of our beginning…. You still owe me a gladiators game when we cross paths again.

And thank you for being kind hearted and passionate.

You definitely made an impact on me. Even though I’m surprised by the speed. I’m grateful for it. I don’t know where you came from. And I hate to see you go. So I’m hopeful that you don’t. But days are hard when I don’t hear from you now. And that’s how I know I’m no longer falling. I have already hit the ground and now I’m figuring out how to step forward without being too much. — and then the intrusive thoughts take over and I start to wonder if you want to step forward at all.

Of course you do. Your stress level just peaks every week that goes by without the security.

I met you when you were in your element. Making tons and working for a company you respected and felt proud to be a part of despite the desire to change course.

I met you when the dating scene had exhausted you and all these girls were portraying someone they’re not.

I met you and immediately heard your pet peeves. You met me and found my preferences. - there’s always more to learn…. But what I know about you, absolutely intrigues me.

What I know about your family, makes me want to stay so you don’t have to weather the storm alone. Not because you can’t. But because you shouldn’t have too.

I’m one hundred percent overthinking this. We’re not even serious yet. But I wish we were. I wish you owed me the respect of breaking it off if this isn’t what you want. I wish I felt like I could come and be there for you without you having to ask me.

I called the other night because I got off early and my night freed up. I debated not, only for not wanting to look clingy and weird. I’m sure you were busy. I actually know you to be a busy guy. And I LIKE THAT. I’m a busy girl too.

I guess I just miss your voice and the potential of being something wonderful that we have had. its been pretty hard being away from you and I just hope you don’t disappear completely.

… I really hope I see you soon.

I’m still rooting for me and you.

You might not want to put me through the wildness of it all. But I’m asking you to do it.

Choose me.

Tell me how I make you feel.

Show me your fears and your feelings.

Breathe me in.

Stay.

Choose the unknown ahead with me.

Choose the known. Show me what you’re thinking and how you’re navigating. Show me glimpses of your world and your thoughts. Hold me while I show you mine.

#personal #him #lover #personal thoughts #feelings #fuck #in my feels #see me #where are you?

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casicroaks · 1 year ago

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Tiffany Valentine has two things in her mind: love and murder. The origins of the brains behind the infamous Lakeshore Strangler and the string of broken hearts she left along her way to Chicago, interwoven with the development of the tempestuous relationship between her and a certain Charles Lee Ray.

CHAPTER 1

[ CHAPTER 1 // CHAPTER 2 // CHAPTER 3 // CHAPTER 4 // CHAPTER 5 // CHAPTER 6 // CHAPTER 7 // CHAPTER 8 // CHAPTER 9 // CHAPTER 10 // CHAPTER 11 // CHAPTER 12 // CHAPTER 13 // CHAPTER 14 // CHAPTER 15 // CHAPTER 16 ]

NEW JERSEY, 1966

My mother said that love isn’t something we are owed. We might be expected to –like a parent is expected to love their child, or a person their spouse. But we are not owed love. It’s something we earn. Nobody owes us any love –not unconditionally. No one. Not even God.

My mother used to say a lot of things, though.

“Get up, Tiffany!” she yelled from the kitchen. “You’re gonna miss the school bus!”

I groaned under my sheets, still hugging my favorite teddy bear. I had heard Bri, my sister, getting out the room and running to have breakfast, but I didn’t want to leave my bed just yet… I just didn’t want to go to school.

“Tiffany, I swear to God, I’ll pull you out of that bed myself…”

My father was raised Catholic, but my mother wasn’t. I never knew what she believed in. Me and my sister, we never met my mother’s family, and she didn’t have any photos of them in the house. The earliest picture of her we had was one of her wedding day. She looked so beautiful back then, with her red hair neatly pulled up and with her white dress and veil, smiling wide, in the happiest day of her life…

I still wonder when it was that they stopped being so in love. There was a point at which they just spend all the time together either ignoring each other or arguing constantly. I guess it wasn’t particularly strange. Maybe they just made up when I wasn’t around. Most of the couples on TV also had their squabbles and their differences, but always made up in the end. And really, don’t all couples argue from time to time?

“Tiffany!”

Still, that wasn’t what I wanted for myself. My mother used to say that love was supposed to set you free. I like to think that means that, when you’re loved, you become who you really are someone happy, someone not weighed down by what other people think of you. But I think my mother didn’t mean it in a metaphorical sense. She meant it literally, in the sense that, once you married, you were free to be someone else than who you were supposed to be before. A child, a little girl… But when you’re married, you’re a woman. And you can do all sorts of new things.

My mother did that a lot, thinking love and marriage were one and the same. I guess that, despite everything, it meant that she really did love my father. I mean, they had two kids together! And people who have kids together must love each other, right?

The sheets were yanked away from me. The light hit my face. I groaned again, holding tighter to my teddy.

“Still with that damn toy?” she said. I opened one eye and saw her standing over me, with her apron already on, curlers in her bright red hair, and her hands on her hips. “You’re too old to be sleeping with it already…”

“Bri’s still allowed to sleep with her bunny!” I complained.

“Brittany is a little girl. You’re on your way to becoming a young woman, Tiffany,” she said, walking out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen. “… Even if she’s often the most responsible of you two.”

I sat on the bed, rubbed my eyes, and glanced at Bri’s bed. Already made, with her pink bunny neatly set on her pillow. I heard the clinking of a spoon in the kitchen, where she was already having breakfast. Of course Little Miss Perfect was ready by now, I thought with a whine, stumbling out of bed and picking out my dress for the day. I didn’t have much time for breakfast though –as soon as my little fingers tied my shoelaces the school bus arrived. My mother handed Bri her lunch bag. Then she handed me mine, which was clearly less full than hers.

“Why’s mine lighter?” I pouted.

“Brittany’s a growing girl,” she said quickly and hurried me out the front door. “And you’ve had seconds last night at dinner.”

“But I didn’t have breakfast—”

“That’s on you for taking so long to get out of bed,” she said. “Now go on, you’ll miss the bus!”

I would have loved to miss it. But my mother was watching me from the porch, a lit cigarette between her lips. I couldn’t just skip. I dragged my feet up the bus behind Bri, while she happily smiled and said hi to the rest of her classmates. She immediately sat with her friends from the younger grades, all in the front seats, and got to gossiping and giggling. And me…

Well, I was never what you would call a popular kid. It wasn’t for a lack of trying: I mentally practiced, first day of school, every year, words to begin a conversation; I would try to sit with the other girls and join them in whatever they were talking about; and after each holiday, I would bring homemade cookies for everyone. They would all gobble them up, without so much as a thank you, and the next day they would be back at mocking me. The ungrateful bunch.

“So when the stars are shining bright, I dream about the boy who’s gonna hold me tight,” I sang quietly to myself, avoiding eye contact with the other kids. I still had that Ronettes song ringing in my ears ever since I caught it on the car radio. “And I wonder, wonder who he’ll be—”

“Hey, Whiffy,” a couple of boys called me while pulling my hair and sniffing me like a pack of wild dogs. “Hey –hey, Whiffy, did you finally take a bath today? ‘Cause you still stink.”

One of them was close enough I could punch him away from me. But I took a deep breath instead, and counted to ten, like my mother told me to. Some months earlier I would have given them a piece of my mind. I would have replied and tried to defend myself. I just got into further trouble. When I had complained to my teacher, Miss Collins, she had told me that boys often did that just to get my attention. If I ignored them, she told me, they would eventually give up.

Miss Collins was full of shit, I realized later on. Probably too late –but hey, at least later than ever, right?

I sat by the only seats that were empty, still humming to myself to keep me from thinking about insults to hurl back at them. ‘Ignore them, and they’ll eventually get bored of it’, that’s what my mother had said. Maybe that had worked out for her when she was my age; but if she saw what I went through, maybe she wouldn’t think the same, is all I’m saying.

Not to turn this into a sob story, but I really didn’t have any friends. I used to have a couple, I guess back at kindergarten, but I barely remember anything about them. And besides, isn’t everyone friends or something, back then? You just went up to someone and told them they were your friend and that was it. Things were simpler. In the hellhole of junior high, though, not having friends wasn’t exactly just a matter of you being the last one called for the dodgeball teams. It was about you being the one everyone else decided was a weirdo. Something so disgusting they just had to either avoid seeing or announce their rejection somehow. My nickname was the way that had stuck. During all those years of junior high, the only ones who didn’t call me Whiffy were probably the teachers… Though I’m almost sure I heard the janitor call me by that nickname once, when I stepped into the gym with muddy shoes.

All in all, I think I did a pretty good job at holding back and keeping it all bottled up for as long as it was possible. Every time someone threw me a spitball, flicked my ears, or slapped my arm with a suspiciously moist hand, I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and took my complaint to the teacher. And, every single damn time, they told me I was just looking for attention, and to try and actually make an effort to make friends.

More than a friend though, I think I wanted a boyfriend. Not just a boyfriend, though: more like my missing half, my soulmate, that kindred spirit which would complete me. The love of my life. Someone to have a happily ever after with. Yes, I was aiming high from a young age. I actually kept a little shrine to my future true love in a hidden place in my closet, inside an old shoebox, which I took out every time I felt particularly desperate, to light some candles and make pretty-please requests, to whoever was listening, to send me that prince in shining armor I was waiting so eagerly. There was my favorite magazine cutout of Marilyn Monroe, the most beautiful woman in the world, with my reasoning being that, since she married so many times, she surely knew a lot about love. I also put plastic flowers, because these would never rot, and little Halloween décor skeletons, because love was meant to last even after death. And, just for good measure, I also tossed a lot of pretty sequins and heart-shaped candy around the shrine, to make it even prettier. It was my shrine to love, and I was so very proud of it. The only thing I needed, then, was someone to fall in love with me.

I looked around me once I was in the classroom. Most of the boys were plain ugly. There was Dave Hawkins, picking his nose and eating his snot; next to him, Gary Lamotta was drawing penises on his desk; and, a few rows back, there was Johnny Curtis, the one boy one could consider handsome; which, of course, meant he was already taken. He was passing notes back and forth with his girlfriend, Peggy Buckman, who, appropriately, was the prettiest girl in the class. Apart from him, the only other guy that might be someone I could even consider falling in love with was Darry Cade, who was very focused on practicing how to twirl his switchblade without cutting his own fingers off. He was a bit of an idiot, but he was good-looking enough. Kind of like Amy McNab, if Amy McNab was a boy and handsome. And he was available… But I had to assume the reason for that was that no girl could really stand him. Darry was pretty loud and brash, and was always trying to get everyone else’s attention through any means necessary, including but not limited to smashing the classroom’s windows with a rock, pissing on Bobby Farrell’s backpack, sticking gum on Peggy’s hair, and scribbling swear words on the lockers. No teacher would be happy to see me with him. That could be another reason to give him a chance.

I chewed the end of my pencil as I watched him nick his finger. I had never spoken to Darry, and as far as I knew, while he did call me Whiffy once or twice, he didn’t taunt me constantly like the rest of the boys. Probably because he didn’t have any friends –something we had in common. He sucked on his cut, cussing under his breath. Yeah, he wasn’t too ugly. Maybe we could be a nice couple…

Darry turned around, somehow noticing I had been staring. Before I could even pretend I was actually looking at something beyond him, he sneered and flipped the bird at me. I stuck my tongue out to him. There went my chances of finding love in junior high.

“Valentine?”

I looked back up to the blackboard. Miss Collins was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I blinked and opened my mouth, but then closed it, since I really had nothing to say.

“… Did you listen to a single word of what I was saying?”

“Uh… Um…”

There was a general giggling throughout the room, and I could feel my ears turning red and hot. I looked to my left side, where Amy was whispering something in Peggy’s ear, both of them grinning wide. I closed my hand in a fist.

“Valentine! Pay attention!” Miss Collins shouted, taking off her glasses. “This is your last warning!”

I nodded, still gripping the pencil in my fist, and lowered my head. She huffed and turned around and continued with the lesson. I couldn’t focus, though; not when, now, I could clearly hear Amy’s pretty loud whispering.

“… I told you, I think she’s brain dead… Like she had a lobotomy or something…” she said. I scoffed to myself. ‘Lobotomy’, now that was a pretty long word for someone as dumb as Amy McNab to be familiar with. “I heard that’s what they do with girls like her, they stick a knitting needle in her eye and push part of her brain in, like an outward bellybutton.”

“That would explain why her eyes look like that!” Peggy replied with a laugh.

How was it possible that Miss Collins couldn’t hear them? I could, and I was as far away from them as Miss Collins was. Still, I needed to pay attention, I repeated to myself. I leaned my head against my left arm, covering my ear with my hand, trying to focus. A few moments later I felt little pieces of crumpled paper bouncing off my head.

“Stop-it,” I mouthed at them, quickly turning around before Miss Collins could catch me.

They kept at it.

“Stop-it!”

Amy mocked me, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out. Peggy laughed again. I turned to Miss Collins, who was still going on and on with her stupid lesson. Was she deaf? How could she not hear Peggy laughing at me? There were more little crumpled papers hitting my head, now coming from other sides. Peggy’s minions surely had decided to join in. I kept trying to count to ten, but I was constantly interrupted by a paper hitting my ear or my neck. And meanwhile Miss Collins just yammered on and on and on about whatever the fuck…

There was a sudden snap –and I let out a little yelp. Miss Collins finally turned around, as did a few other classmates on the rows in front of mine. I opened my fist.

I had broken the pencil in half, and had splinters all over the palm of my hand.

Lunchtime came around, and with it the same problem as every damn day in that damn school. It was always so crowded, and everyone ran out the classroom and into the cafeteria precisely to get to their usual seats before someone else could get them; so, by the time I arrived, it was already bustling and all the seats were taken. Everyone was sitting with their friend group, and I was the last one standing, gaping around like a moron with my tray and the feeling of somehow both being watched and ignored at the same time.

It would not be a good idea to approach the girls’ table, where Peggy and Amy reigned. I decided to gather all the patience I still had left, and went to the only table that was mostly empty, the one where Darry Cade was sitting –and where he was still trying to get to twirl his switchblade between his fingers.

“You’ll just hurt yourself again,” I commented, sitting across him.

He looked at me up and down and frowned. “Fuck off, Whiffy.”

Alright, he didn’t want me there either. I almost picked up my tray and left, when I told myself that I should try a bit harder. After all, we were both the only ones who weren’t sitting with a friend group. And everyone kept telling me to keep trying.

“Look, I… I know you’re not very popular. I mean, I can see it,” I said quietly, lowering my head. “And, you know, my mother always says that birds of a feather should stick together… And I think we could, well… Be… Be friends, you know?”

Darry frowned even more. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m…” I closed my eyes, closing my hands, feeling the few splinters I hadn’t managed to pull out of my palm. “… Don’t you ever feel alone? I… I could be a great friend. I’m very loyal. I would never tell a secret. I’ll always be on your side—”

“You’re goddamn insane!” he yelled, pushing me back. “You crazy bitch!”

I swallowed the tears that were welling up, muttered an insult under my breath, grabbed my tray and was about to leave… When Darry took out his switchblade and pointed it at my neck.

“Don’t you ever sit with me again. Did you hear me?” he said in a hiss, opening his eyes as wide as he could, trying very hard to be scary. “Or I’ll slice your throat. I’ll slice your throat and leave you to bleed out like a pig.”

I looked down at the hand that was holding the knife, at the finger that was still red from the cut he had given himself earlier. It was kinda upsetting, not gonna lie, to be threatened like that by someone brandishing a knife… But then again, the one who was brandishing the knife was a kid in the fourth grade who clearly didn’t know how to use it. It was so stupid –I just barely managed to hold back a snicker. I saved the comment for myself, though, and walked away.

So, in the end, I sat where I often sat; on the same table with the janitor, near the doors to the bathrooms, where I would be out of sight from everyone else. The janitor gave me a glance of recognition –she knew me already from seeing me basically every lunch –but kept eating her tuna sandwich in silence. I sighed, taking out my own sandwich, small and thin, trying not to think of my rumbling stomach. At least it was better to sit in silence than to be threatened with a switchblade.

At some point Peggy, Amy, Lisa Altomare and a bunch of their friends passed by us on their way to the bathroom. They saw me and immediately covered their noses as if they were smelling something rotten. It took me a moment to realize they did it because of me. I must have made some kinda face at this, as soon as they disappeared behind the bathroom door, because the janitor sighed and leaned forward to me.

“You don’t smell. It’s just that we’re next to the garbage bins.”

“I know…” I said. “I mean, I know I don’t smell –it’s they who—”

“I know,” she said with tired eyes. I wondered how much of it she knew. Janitors were invisible around the school. Maybe she had managed to hear Peggy telling stuff about me to the other girls?

“Goodness, they should do something about this stench, right?” Amy said out loud when they all came out of the bathroom. She turned directly at me. “Can’t you smell it, Whiffy? Can’t you feel it?”

I told myself, don’t talk back. They’re just looking for trouble. As much as I wanted to give it to them, I couldn’t risk to be called back to the principal’s office, not when I had been almost five months without stepping foot in it. I just had to ignore them—

“It’s almost funny, you don’t know how stinky and ugly you are,” Peggy said in this high voice she did when she talked to me. She didn’t sound like that regularly. It almost sounded like she was trying to mock me. “Do you have any mirrors in your house, or did they all break when you tried to look in them?”

The other three girls laughed loudly. One of them raised her hand towards me, trying to pull my hair, but I swatted it away. They only laughed louder.

“I’m not ugly,” I finally replied in a mumble. “You are.”

Which was obviously not true. Even the least pretty one of the bunch was tall and slender, or had shiny, nicely curled hair. Even Amy McNab had her green eyes and auburn hair. I had dark eyes, dark hair, I had a chubby face, I was short and frumpy, with these childish dresses I still had to wear. They wore pretty tops and circle skirts that made them look older than they were. In comparison, I looked like a misshapen baby.

“Come again?” Peggy asked, still in this mocking tone.

I swallowed. I could back off and remain silent… But now I had their attention. And if I managed to think of something clever to say, maybe I could finally get them to stop bothering me for once… “I said, you are.”

“Come again?” she insisted, leaning just a bit closer, tapping her ear.

“I said –you are!”

“I’m what?”

“Ugly!” I yelled, losing all the patience I had left, standing up for once and giving her a shove. “You’re the ugliest bitch in the world!”

Luck would have it, just at that moment Miss Collins passed by. And she became livid when she heard me.

“Tiffany Valentine!” she cried, loud enough for the whole cafeteria to hear her. “How can you say such a thing!?”

“Why are you so mean?” Peggy whined in a fake sob, the little fucker. “I was just asking you…”

I guess I was too braindead to respond quickly enough. I just sat there, with my mouth open and a look of disbelief.

“Miss Valentine, I want to see you after class,” Miss Collins said to me while Peggy and her friends walked away, flipping the bird at me behind her back. “This kind of language and behavior will not be tolerated among my students.”

And with that she left me to finish a sandwich I didn’t even want to eat.

If there’s something I’ve always been proud of is my bravery. Or, rather, my lack of fear. Yeah, I got nervous easily, but I was never afraid. That being said, I really, really, really didn’t want to have to go to the principal’s office. That meant I would be scolded, and that would mean they would contact my parents, and that would mean my mother would be fuming and find some way to punish me. Last time it was taking away my toys and giving them to Bri, who immediately ruined two of my favorite doll dresses with pink markers. The time before that, it was forcing me to stay awake and finish all my homework the same day it was assigned, and we stayed up late in the kitchen table each night after dinner, with her yelling the names of the states while I cried and begged to be allowed to go to bed. The time before that, it was ignoring me for a whole week.

What other option did I have, though? Not meeting with Miss Collins after class would be considered evading the situation. That would only make matters worse.

“It was an accident,” I said quietly to the principal, Mr Hughes. Miss Collins was standing by the door, ready to stop any potential attempts at escaping. “Peggy Buckman was bothering me, calling me names, and—”

“I don’t care who started it,” Mr Hughes said, pressing his temples. “You just don’t let out a swear word like that on accident.”

“But I did—”

“What do you gain from this, Miss Valentine?” he asked me, adjusting his tie. He reminded me a lot of my father when he did that. “Do you enjoy being a pariah?”

I frowned. “I’m eight. I don’t know what that is.”

“A pariah is someone that a group of people reject. Someone who has no friends,” he explained. “Do you enjoy not having friends?”

I was about to cry again. “No… I was trying to make friends, but… But nobody—”

“Crocodile tears won’t save you, Miss Valentine,” Miss Collins said in a serious tone.

I sniffed and wiped my nose. “I tried to make friends, but nobody wants to be… Nobody wants to be my friend. I don’t know why. They just don’t.”

Mr Hughes let out a deep, long sigh. “You just can’t keep doing this, alright, Miss Valentine? Picking fights with your schoolmates, looking at anything else when you ought to be paying attention in class… We are all worried about you. It is not normal for a girl your age to be so… So…”

I waited in silence to hear his verdict. He took his sweet time to find the word he was looking for.

“… So problematic. So difficult. So… Odd.”

I knew I was odd already. I was hoping to learn something new and finally have some explanation for why I was treated like this, and why I was the way I was. But I just got the same bullshit as always. ‘You’re not trying hard enough’. ‘You’re bothering the others’. ‘You’re being a nuisance’. ‘You should do better’. It was as if I was going back and forth in the swings, unable to come down, just facing the same problem over and over with no say on what I wanted to do.

I sighed. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“Well, that is clearly not enough,” Miss Collins said, crossing her arms.

“I just need to know,” Mr Hughes said, leaning forward on his desk, bringing his hands together. “Will you keep starting fights with the other girls? Will this behavior keep on going?”

“But I –I didn’t do anything—!” I cried, standing up. Miss Collins reached out, put her hand on my shoulder, and pushed me down back into the chair. “I was just—! They were calling me names, they always call me Whiffy and say I smell, and I— I was trying to defend myself—!”

“Haven’t we told you to ignore them?”

“I can’t keep ignoring them!” I finally snapped. “I can’t, they’re gonna drive me crazy!”

“Now, let’s not exaggerate—”

“You always take their side, you do!” I cried, now with real tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt my eyes burning, and it took all the energy I had not to start yelling. “And I’m tired of having to bear it when –when I’m the one who’s being—”

“That’s enough!” Miss Collins said, gripping my shoulder to keep me still.

“Your teacher is right, Miss Valentine,” Mr Hughes said. And then he picked up the phone. I felt the blood draining from my face. “We’ll have to notify your parents. This is clearly a matter that the school faculty is not capable to solve on their own—”

“No, please, don’t…” I cried, trying to reach out to grab the phone wire –but Miss Collins pulled me back into the chair. “Please, please, please, don’t tell them! I promise I won’t do it again…”

“We have been through this enough times for us to know that is not true, Miss Valentine,” Mr Hughes said as he pressed the numbers.

“Please, don’t—!”

He was already calling. I covered my face with my hands, hoping that mom was out buying groceries, or dyeing her hair, or doing anything that kept her busy enough to not answer the phone… But there soon was a voice on the other side of the receiver, and I knew that it meant there was nothing for me to do.

“Yes, Mrs Valentine…? It’s Mr Hughes, from the school… Yes, good afternoon to you too…” He turned to Miss Collins and me and made a hand gesture, shooing us off. She pulled me out of the chair in the office and out the door before I could listen to anything else they were discussing.

The rest of class went on as usual. I came back to find that Gary had taken the liberty to decorate my own desk with a bunch of dicks, and in the center of it a crudely drawn cartoon of me, with a circle for a body, big teeth, spiky ponytails and slanted eyes. I tried to erase it, but he had done it with a permanent marker, which stained my hands black. The other kids laughed at this, but I made one more effort to ignore them, to keep myself stone-faced and not show my anger and frustration. As soon as I could, though, I rushed out of the classroom and into the bathroom, and allowed myself to cry a bit. As quietly as I could, though, in case Peggy and Amy and all her toadies came into the girls’ toilet too.

Hell, I said this wouldn’t be a sob story… But it wasn’t all bad. I had a pretty good childhood overall, really. I had a roof over my head, and food in my plate, and two parents who took care of me… I was just a bit of a brat.

Anyway; some actual good stuff that happened in nineteen-sixty-six?

I finally managed to learn his name.

Having to come home after being chided by the principal and by Miss Collins, I was certainly in no hurry to get back to my mother’s furious reaction to being called by the school for my bad behavior. Instead, I walked around the town center, guided by the big church that stood tall in the middle of it, counting my pocket change and wondering if I could get the ice cream vendor to ignore the fact that I was short of five cents.

I passed by the toy store where me and Bri usually stopped by to watch the pretty displays. There was a new Barbie for sale (with bendable knees!) and the shop wanted everyone to know: they had hung a large pink sign, and made a big stage full of these dolls sitting in tiny chairs, reading tiny magazines, holding tiny lollipops, and wearing a variety of stylish outfits. A few were standing next to one another in mock conversation, their blonde hair glowing in the afternoon sun, with their blue-eyed sideways glance directed at whoever looked at them through the store window. In just a few years, I thought, that was what Peggy and Amy and Lisa would look like. They surely had these dolls, too. They could afford them. Pretty dolls with long legs and graceful hands, not the ugly chubby baby dolls me and Bri were stuck with. We both shared, against my will, three baby dolls. One was mine, two were, technically, hers: Minnie, Patty and Vicky, all of them with that big hole in their mouths so they could be fed from a plastic bottle. I liked to stick my finger there and wince and pretend that they were biting me. To that day, Bri still believed they actually had little baby teeth. I told Bri that she should feel them: that was what a good mother did, especially now as they were becoming loose and we would have to put them under our own pillows, like we did with our own teeth… But Bri was always too scared to try. Sometimes I wondered for how long she would keep believing that.

My attention wandered off and was caught by this little spider I saw. It was eating a snack it had managed to get in its web. I crouched and watched, fascinated by the way it opened its pincers and chewed up the wrapped bug. I had been wanting a pet for years, and mom and dad had always refused… But maybe a spider would do. After all, it wouldn’t pee on the carpet or ruin the couch, nor did I need to take it out on walks –and besides, my parents were always complaining about flies and mosquitos in summer, and what better than a spider to take care of that? I looked around and found an empty soda bottle in the curb. I filled it with twigs and leaves to make it more comfortable; and, carefully, once the spider had finished its meal, I scooped it up off its web and into the bottle. I stuck my index finger in it to keep it shut… But then, when I heard the music of a radio nearby, I realized I was very close to the auto repair shop where my father used to leave the car when it began acting up. I forgot all about the spider in the bottle once I got close enough to listen to what was going on inside, and to the cool thumping music that was blasting out of the little jam-packed garage.

“Before you find out it’s too late, girl, you better get straight…” the singer and his back-up band cried all together over a groovy guitar riff. “No, but not with kicks…”

“Hey, Heath!” one guy suddenly called out.

Heath slammed the hood of an old rusty thing they seemed to be taking apart. He had a cigarette between his lips, and as soon as I saw him, I had to hold my breath. He was this tall young man, around the age of the sophomores, or maybe the juniors at high school. He had light brown hair, almost down to his shoulders, which was so different to how the other boys at my school had it. He always looked serious while working on his cars, his brow furrowed with concentration; but his face lit up when he smiled, with the widest grin I had ever seen in a person so far, so wide it made his eyes look all squinty and cute. I couldn’t help but smile when he smiled. It was just that contagious. And when the wind blew his way, and the sun shined on him, his eyes seemed to glitter and his hair swayed and shifted colors so beautifully…

He was so handsome it almost hurt.

“Yeah?” he replied, picking the cigarette off his perfect lips.

“What time’s it?”

“Uh…”

Heath, so that was his name. Heath, I repeated quietly to myself, standing by a lamppost, watching them from the sides. Heath, it sounded like a sigh. It felt so nice to say. I kept repeating it until it was like a hushed prayer.

“Uh, ten to six,” Heath said, giving a glance to his watch.

I was staring at him, so I didn’t notice that the other guy had probably noticed me watching them from pretty close by. Heath turned around and looked at me (I felt my heart skip a beat) and he even gave me an amused half-smile. I had seen him so often, passing by the store with my mother and the groceries, fantasizing with what I would say if I had the chance to talk to him. Now, for the first time, he was looking at me.

Ten to six!, I realized with a gasp and a curse –and ran back home. I kept Heath’s face fresh in my mind, though, of his lovely hazel-green eyes, and the way his lips moved around the cigarette to pull off that special smile of his…

“No, but not with kicks… You just need help, girl…” I sang to myself, repeating the moment in which he looked at me, over and over. “No, but not with kicks…”

When I got home it was dark out already. My father wasn’t home yet. I knew that made mom become even angrier. I tried to get to my room without making a sound. Between being told about me calling Peggy Buckman an ugly bitch, and dad not being back in time for dinner, I reckoned that the best course of action was to avoid my mom, hide under the sheets of my bed and wait it out. But, as I tried to sneak past the living room through the kitchen, the little shit somehow saw me.

“Tiffy!” Bri almost screamed, looking up from mom’s sewing machine. “What took you so long?”

“Shh!”

Mom had heard her. She turned around to give me one of her famous glares. “There you are. I was wondering where you’d gone,” she said, taking a drag of her cigarette. “Do you know what time it is?”

I sighed. “I’m sorry—”

“Set the table, will you? I want to finish this,” she said curtly, returning to her sewing project.

I got a bit closer, stretching my neck to see what she was doing. Not too long ago, mom used to make me little dresses for my dolls. We would design them together, and adorn them with lace and pretty buttons and bows. She even made little curtains and bedsheets for my dollhouse. She didn’t do that anymore.

“It’s a nice fabric,” I said quietly. It was a nice quality cotton, or so I thought. I didn’t know much about it, but I wanted to give her a compliment. At least I wanted to try to make sure she wasn’t too angry at me. “I, uh… I like the pattern.”

“The principal called,” she said, still looking down at the stitching, raising her voice for me to hear her over the racket of the machine.

I grit my teeth. “I-I’m sorry –I have already told them that—”

“We’ll talk about it when your father gets home,” mom said, and snipped the thread with the big heavy-duty scissors, and picked the dress she was making to check the seams and how it was looking so far.

Bri let out a delighted gasp. “Oh, it’s so beautiful…!”

“The girls were calling me smelly, and ugly…” I insisted. “They were calling me these names… They still do. They haven’t stopped. I have ignored them, but they keep doing it.”

Mom said nothing. She stretched the dress back on the desk and started working on the hem. I sat on the chair beside her, nudging Bri out of it.

“Hey—!”

“Mom… I don’t want to wear these dresses anymore,” I said in a pleading tone. Was it possible that these girls were bothering me because they really thought I was that ugly? If I were pretty, would that make them stop?

My mother gave me a glance over her shoulder. “They still fit you.”

“I don’t care… I want something that makes me look pretty.” Maybe, if I got to look pretty, I could get a boyfriend too. Maybe Heath would even fall in love with me.

“Stop complaining, Tiffany,” she said with a deep tired sigh, putting out her cigarette in the ashtray beside the colorful spools of thread.

“But all of my classmates have these pretty skirts and nice blouses—!”

“I said stop complaining, Tiffany,” she repeated, now a warning, and started the sewing machine. “Go and set the table for dinner.”

Right then there was the familiar sound of dad’s shoes on the porch. Bri ran towards him with a huge gap-toothed grin, and gave him a big hug. God, she was insufferable.

“Hi, dear.”

“Hi, dad,” I said, even though I had the feeling he was greeting my sister and not me.

“Dad, look what mom is making for me!” Bri said, wrapping her scrawny arms around mom’s neck. “It’s for me, right?”

“Yes, Bri…”

“What!?” I cried. “How come she gets new clothes?”

“You’ll have this new dress for Gladys’ garden party, and to wear for special occasions,” she told Bri, showing her the nearly-done dress with a little smile, as if I didn’t even exist. “Tiffy’s special dress still fits her, so she’ll keep it. And, when she grows out of her current dresses, you’ll have the ones she has.”

“Does that mean I’ll get the pink one too?” she asked excitedly.

“No—” I tried to complain, because Bri knew the pink one was my favorite.

“Of course,” Mom nodded. “After all, what use will she have for it when she’s outgrown them?”

“Mom…!”

She turned and shoot me another one of her glares, while Bri squealed and skipped around her and dad. I huffed, but went back into the kitchen.

I don’t remember what we had for dinner. I think lasagna, maybe. Mom could be a bit prone to getting angry, but she was an excellent cook, and was especially good at making my dad’s favorite meals. The moments when I had seen her at her happiest was when dad complimented her cooking, or when I stood on my toes with my chin against the kitchen counter while listening to her instructions.

“I received a call from Tiffany’s principal around midday,” she said out of a sudden. We had all been eating in the most complete silence. And, when mom said this, my father immediately let out a deep tired sigh.

“Jesus Christ—”

“She called another girl the b-word,” she stated, giving Bri a little side glance. “Out loud, in front of their classmates at the cafeteria, during their lunchtime.”

“But I did it because she was calling me—”

“I don’t care what your excuse is, Tiffany,” my father said. “You just can’t keep doing this…”

“Do you have any idea of how embarrassing this is for the rest of us?” my mother said, gesturing with the cigarette she held between two fingers. “Your sister has not been called to the principal office once. She’s as well-behaved as they come. I know that, when we’ll attend Gladys' garden party next month, this’ll be the talk of the town… How I’m not doing enough to make my child conduct herself.”

I felt an ache in the pit of my stomach, a raw and burning anger. I was just defending myself. Even as everyone told me I should, I don’t think anybody can just keep tolerating this sort of harassing without reaching a breaking point. “Were you never bothered by other kids when you were little, mom?”

She said nothing to this. She simply huffed and picked up the dirty dishes. My father was the one to shoot me an angry glance.

“Don’t try to make it about your mother, Tiffany,” he said sternly. Mom came back after a few seconds, bringing some popsicles she had made in the freezer out of orange juice. Bri, as clueless as ever, smiled wide and grabbed one before they were even left on the table. “But…” He turned to mom. “Dear, there has to be something you can do about this?”

She raised her neatly plucked eyebrows. “Something like what?”

“I don’t know. Talk with her teachers –there must be something to be done!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me.”

Dad sighed. “I’m not raising my voice.”

“Yes, you were.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

Now mom sighed, taking a drag of her cigarette. “What do you expect me to do?”

“You’re the one who spends all damn day with the girls!” he said, and he was really raising his voice now. “How am I supposed to know?”

“So it’s my problem because you’re away all damn day at the office? Because you’re never there when shit hits the fan?” mom retorted, not even noticing she had slipped a swear. “We’re both the parents, Frank, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Oh, come on, you’re the mother! You’re the one who’s… Y’know… Got her finger on the pulse, and stuff!”

“What on earth do you mean by that?”

“Well, you’re her mother!” Dad yelled. “You are the one who wanted kids, who wanted to stay home and care after them!”

“You tell her not to make it about me,” Mom yelled back, making a gesture towards me. “And now you go ahead and blame me for it!?”

“Mom…” Bri said quietly, shrinking in her chair, shifting into puppy-eyes mode. “… Can I be excused from the table?”

She took a deep breath. “… Of course, sweetie.”

“Can I be excused too?” I asked, already standing up.

Mom took a moment to think it over with pursed lips. “… Alright.”

Me and Bri rushed out of the kitchen and to our room. I closed the door, but it was a rather small house, and we could still hear them arguing loudly even through the hall and the walls.

I was supposed to change into my pajamas –it was already a quarter to nine, and it was pitch-black out, but I wasn’t tired. And, anyways, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway with my parents hollering still in the kitchen.

And then I got a great idea –well, great for my child brain. I picked out the big box hidden under the last drawer of my closet, and opened it carefully. Inside there was my First Holy Communion dress, my favorite dress that wasn’t the pink one. It was not supposed to be worn anymore, my father had told me, but that made me so angry. Such a beautiful dress, with puffy sleeves, and delicate white embroidery, and pretty lace and satin ribbons and pearly buttons, and I had to lock it away for good?

The whole ceremony had been done earlier that year, so the dress still fit me nicely. I put it on, finding the little tiara with the veil that went with it as well, and looked at myself in the mirror. With the room being the mess it always was, and with me, glowing white and with a beaming smile in my face, I felt like Cinderella. A gorgeous princess, in her dreamy gown, surrounded by the crummy situation she had to bear. If only the girls at school could see me in it, they would never call me ugly again.

I twirled in front of the mirror, delighted by the way it ballooned, like a blossoming flower. I remembered the plastic flowers from my love shrine, and quickly plucked them out of it and tied them together with an old pink ribbon to make an improvised bouquet. Now the illusion was almost complete. I held my head up high, standing as straight as I could, and raised my chin as if I was being lit by the colorful lights of a church’s stained glass. During the whole ceremony of my Communion I had been hard at work finding parallels between that and my future wedding. Would there be a choir? How tall would the layered cake be? Would there be a nice photograph taken of us both, bride and groom, after we swore eternal love to the other? I had a portrait taken of myself after the Communion, which now hanged in the hallway to the bedrooms next to Bri’s baby pictures, but I didn’t like how I looked in it. I was told to smile for the camera, and as nervous as I was, and having just lost a tooth recently, it simply looked strained. If I had a chance to take that photo again… But mom had said it was too expensive, so we didn’t. I liked the dress better than the portrait, anyway. And a dress, you can wear it over and over. At least, until it doesn’t fit you anymore.

“And I wonder, wonder who he'll be, oh and I wonder, wonder who he'll be,”

I sang quietly to myself, posing in front of the mirror, as if being taken my wedding photo. Would I cry? I had a feeling I would cry. But I would smile too. Like the girls on TV that won those beauty pageants. Sometimes you’re so happy you could cry. Hadn’t happened to me yet, but I knew it would, eventually.

“Will he be good to me? Wonder, wonder who he'll be…”

While I gazed at myself in the mirror, I could just barely see Bri moving behind me, doing something. I paid no attention to it; she was always doing something, she was barely more than a toddler and couldn’t keep still… Until I noticed she had left one of my drawers open. I turned around and saw what she had done –she was wearing my pink dress!

“What the hell are you doing?” I said, almost in a scream, before I remembered our parents were still in the kitchen, and that we were probably supposed to be already in bed.

“I think it fits me well already,” she said with a big gap-toothed smile, picking the skirt with her grubby hands, swinging it haughtily. “Will I get your dolls too, when you grow out of them?”

“No, idiot!” I yelled, grabbing the closest one to me, to guard her from Bri’s greedy, sticky fingers. “What’s mine is mine. If you want dolls then ask mom to buy you some –don’t take mine!”

Bri pouted. “Mom says you should share.”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “Take off my dress and leave it where you found it,” I said, turning back to my reflection on the mirror. The distraction had almost made my fantasy disappear.

“Why?”

I huffed. Wasn’t it obvious? “Because you can’t wear my stuff, you dork!”

“You can’t wear the Holy Communion dress either,” she pointed out. “But you’re wearing it anyway.”

I turned around back to her, shooting her the best impression of our mother’s glare that I could manage to pull off. “I’m older than you. I can do what I want.” Apparently, I was good at it.

“Mom’ll get angry if she sees you in it,” she said quietly.

“Take my dress off!”

Bri let out a long huff, but finally did as she was told and pulled my pink dress from over her head… And there was a sudden ripping noise. I let out a gasp. She looked back at me with eyes wide open, terrified, through the head hole. I jumped towards her and seized the dress, and searched frantically for the tear she had done… At the sleeve. She had almost completely ripped a sleeve off.

I was fuming. “You little bitch!” I mouthed at her.

She mouthed back an apology. But that wouldn’t be enough. I threw the pink dress to the side and grabbed Bri’s ankles, pulling her off her bed and onto the floor.

“How would you like me to rip your dresses, huh!?”

“I said I’m sorry—!”

As if sorry could be enough. I shook her (she’d always been rather small) and gripped her arms hard, putting all my weight into holding her down. She grimaced and let out a little wail. I wanted to scare her senseless –but still, scaring wasn’t nearly enough.

“I always tell you to not-touch-my-stuff!” I yelled. “And you go ahead and do it anyway!”

Bri didn’t apologize any longer. She tried to push me off her, but I was bigger and stronger, and I shook her again, up and down, hitting her back and head against the floor. Usually, mom would see me get angry and stop me, grab my own arm really tight and pull me away from Bri… But mom wasn’t here –and I could finally get to show my sister what happens when you fuck with other people’s things. She squirmed and kept struggling to break free. I kept pushing her head against the floor, not thinking anymore about the dress, but about all the other times she had picked something of mine: a favorite picture book she had scribbled over with crayons, a toy she had stuck in her mouth and chewed on, a drawing of mine she had ripped, all the times she jumped in my bed even when I was forbidden to do the same, when she wore my clothes without my permission, when she ate the last cookie when she knew I wanted it and had had less than her… All the times she had been given special treatment for being the youngest. The cutest. The obedient one. The one mom and dad liked best. It all piled up. And now it was time for her to pay.

“What’s going on here?”

We both looked up at the bedroom door. Mom and dad were standing there. Bri took advantage of my surprise to push me off her and run towards mom and bury her head in her apron. She immediately embraced her, while Bri began to sob.

“She was hitting me…”

“I wasn’t!” I cried, standing up, wiping my nose with my fist. “I just pushed her down—”

“She banged my head against the floor!” she bawled, now full-on crying.

“Come on, it wasn’t that hard!”

“How can you do such a thing to your sister, Tiffany!?” mom shouted, holding Bri closer to her chest.

“Is that the Communion dress?” my father asked me.

I looked down at it. The pretty floral embroidery was fraying, the pearly buttons had fallen off, and the spider web-like lace was now torn and full of big holes. I covered my mouth with my hands.

“Why on Earth are you wearing your Communion dress!?” my father yelled. “Look at it! You’ve ruined it!”

I began crying too. Nobody hugged me, though. I had forgotten I was wearing it…

He left the bedroom, grumbling something about how expensive it had been and how ungrateful I was. Mom didn’t say it, but I guessed she was probably thinking something along the same lines as that.

“Take off that dress and go straight to bed, Tiffany,” she ordered. “And tomorrow you’ll properly apologize to Brittany for your awful behavior.”

I wouldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t. I had done nothing wrong.

But I didn’t say anything. I just took off the dress, put on my pajamas, said my prayers, and huffed my way under the sheets of my bed. Bri kept sobbing, probably just to keep mom’s attention, and they went into the bathroom where mom would examine the bruises. As if I had really done that much harm. There was no blood, no broken anything, just probably a bump in the back of Bri’s oversized head.

If I had wanted to really hurt my sister, I would have done so. I would have been smarter. I wouldn’t have wasted this chance on just scaring her.

“I hope we’ll never make each other cry,” I sang quietly to myself, hugging my teddy bear, thinking of Heath and managing to smile a little. “I pray we will never, ever say goodbye…”

Whatever happened in that house, with Bri and mom, they could never stop me from dreaming about my future. I would leave that place someday. I would leave and then I would meet someone wonderful and who would truly love me. And then it wouldn’t matter whether Peggy Buckman and Amy McNab mocked me, or if Bri always took my stuff and was my parents’ favorite, or if I was just another ordinary little girl in a sleepy old forgotten part in New Jersey. I would be loved by someone. And that love would make me special. I would finally be free.

“Oh, and I wonder, wonder, who he’ll be…” I kept singing, closing my eyes, wishing for sweet dreams, as if lulling myself to sleep. “Wonder if he'll love me… Forever… And ever…”

#childs play #chucky series #fanfiction

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