#I still have my copy of XIII-2 though so I could play that one at least | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hellouniversegoodbyeworld · 4 years ago

Text

Martial, Epigrams. Book 1. Bohn's Classical Library (1897)

BOOK I.

TO THE READER

I trust that, in these little books of mine, I have observed such self-control, that whoever forms a fair judgment from his own' mind can make no complaint of them, since they indulge their sportive fancies without violating the respect due even to persons of the humblest station; a respect which was so far disregarded by the authors of antiquity, that they made free use, not only of real, but of great names. For me; let fame be held in less estimation, and let such talent be the last thing commended in me.

Let the ill-natured interpreter, too, keep himself from meddling with the simple meaning of my jests, and not write my epigrams for me.1 He acted honourably who exercises perverse ingenuity on another man's book: For the free plainness of expression, that is, for the language of epigram, I would apologize, if I were introducing the practice; but it is thus that Catullus writes, and Marsus, and Pedo, and Getulicus, and every one whose writings are read through. If any assumes to be so scrupulously nice, however, that it is not allowable to address him, in a single page, in plain language, he may confine himself to this address, or rather to the title of the book. Epigrams are written for those who are accustomed to be spectators at the games of Flora. Let not Cato enter my theatre; or, if he do enter, let him look on. It appears to me that I shall do only what I have a right to do, if I close my address with the following verses:----

1 Let him not make them his own, by the false interpretation which he puts upon them.

TO CATO.

Since you knew the lascivious nature of the rites of sportive Flora, as well as the dissoluteness of the games, and the license of the populace, why, stern Cato, did you enter the theatre? Did you come in only that you might go out again?

I. TO THE READER.

The man whom you are reading is the very man that you want,----Martial, known over the whole world for his humorous books of epigrams; to whom, studious reader, you have afforded such honours, while he is alive and has a sense of them, as few poets receive after their death.

II. TO THE READER; SHOWING WHERE THE AUTHOR'S BOOKS MAY BE PURCHASED.

You who are anxious that my books should be with you everywhere, and desire to have them as companions on a long journey, buy a copy of which the parchment leaves are compressed into a small compass.1 Bestow book-cases upon large volumes; one hand will hold me. But that you may not be ignorant where I am to be bought, and wander in uncertainty over the whole town, you shall, under my guidance, be sure of obtaining me. Seek Secundus, the freedman of the learned Lucensis, behind the Temple of Peace and the Forum of Pallas.

1 That is, a copy with small pages; a small copy.

III. THE AUTHOR TO HIS BOOK.

You prefer, little book, to dwell in the shops in the Argiletum,1 though my book-case has plenty of room for you. You are ignorant, alas! you are ignorant of the fastidiousness of Rome, the mistress of the world; the sons of Man, believe me, are much too critical. Nowhere are there louder sneers; young men and old, and even boys, have the nose of the rhinoceros.2 After you have heard a loud "Bravo!" and are expecting kisses, you will go, tossed to the skies, from the jerked toga.3 Yet, that you may not so often suffer the corrections of your master, and that his relentless pen may not so often mark your vagaries, you desire, frolicsome little book, to fly through the air of heaven. Go, fly; but you would have been safer at home.

1 An open place, or square, in Rome, where tradesmen had shops. 2 Have great powers of ridicule, which the Romans often expressed by turning up or wrinkling the nose. 3 People will take you into their lap, and then jerk you out of it, as if you were tossed in a blanket

IV. TO CAESAR.

If you should chance, Caesar, to light upon my books, lay aside that look which awes the world. Even your triumphs have been accustomed to endure jests,1 nor is it any shame to a general to be a subject for witticisms. Read my verses, I pray you, with that brow with which you behold Thymele 2 and Latinus 3 the buffoon. The censorship 4 may tolerate innocent jokes: my page indulges in freedoms, but my life is pure.

1 In allusion to the jests which the soldiers threw out on their generals while they were riding in the triumphal procession. 2 A female dancer. 3 A dancer in pantomime; a sort of harlequin. 4 Alluding to Domitian having made himself perpetual censor.

V. THE EMPEROR'S REPLY.

I give you a sea-fight, and you give me epigrams: you wish, I suppose, Marcus, to be set afloat with your book.

VI. ON A LION OF CAESAR'S THAT SPARED A HARE.

While through the air of heaven the eagle was carrying the youth,1 the burden unhurt clung to its anxious talons. From Caesar's lions their own prey now succeeds in obtaining mercy, and the hare plays safe in their huge jaws. Which miracle do you think the greater? The author of each is a supreme being: the one is the work of Caesar; the other,2 of Jove.

1 Ganymede. 2 Comp. Eps. 14, 22.

VII. TO MAXIMUS

The dove, the delight of my friend Stella,3----even with Verona4 listening will I say it, ---- has surpassed, Maximus, the sparrow of Catullus. By so much is my Stella greater than your Catullus, as a dove is greater than a sparrow.

3 A poet of Patavium, who wrote an elegy on the dove of his mistress Ianthis. See B. vi. Ep. 21; B. vii. Ep. 13. 4 The birth-place of Catullus.

VIII. TO DECIANUS

In that you so far only follow the opinions of the great Thrasea and Cato of consummate virtue, that you still wish to preserve your life, and do not with bared breast rush upon drawn swords, you do, Decianus, what I should wish you to do. I do not approve of a man who purchases fame with life-blood, easy to be shed: I like him who can be praised without dying to obtain it.

IX. TO COTTA.

You wish to appear, Cotta, a pretty man and a great man at one and the same time: but he who is a pretty man, Cotta, is a very small man.

X. ON GEMELLUS AND MARONILLA.

Gemellus is seeking the hand of Maronilla, and is earnest, and lays siege to her, and beseeches her, and makes presents to her. Is she then so pretty? Nay; nothing can be more ugly. What then is the great object and attraction in her? ----Her cough.

XI. TO SEXTILIANUS.

Seeing that there are given to a knight twice five pieces,1 wherefore is twice ten the amount which you spend by yourself, Sextilianus, in drink? Long since would the warm water have failed the attendants who carried it, had you not, Sextilianus, been drinking your wine unmixed.2

1 Ten sesterces, the usual sportula, or donation from the emperor. 2 The Romans used to drink their wine mixed with warm water.

XII. ON REGULUS.

Where the road runs to the towers of the cool Tivoli, sacred to Hercules, and the hoary Albula 3 smokes with sulphureous waters, a milestone, the fourth from the neighbouring city, points out a country retreat, and a hallowed grove, and a domain well beloved of the Muses. Here a rude portico used to afford cool shade in summer; a portico, ah! how nearly the desperate cause of an unheard-of calamity: for suddenly it fell in ruins, after Regulus had just been conveyed in a carriage and pair from under its high fabric. Truly Dame Fortune feared our complaints, as she would have been unable to withstand so great odium. Now even our loss delights us; so beneficial is the impression which the very danger produces; since, while standing, the edifice could not have proved to us the existence of the gods.

3 A plain near Tivoli.

XIII. ON ARRIA AND PAETUS.

When the chaste Arria handed to her Paetus the sword which she had with her own hand drawn forth from her heart, "If you believe me," said she, "the wound which I have made gives me no pain; but it is that which you will make, Paetus, that pains me."

XIV. TO DOMITIAN.

The pastimes, Caesar, the sports and the play of the lions, we have seen: your arena affords you the additional sight of the captured hare returning often in safety from the kindly tooth, and running at large through the open jaws. Whence is it that the greedy lion can spare his captured prey? He is said to be yours: thence it is that he can show mercy.

XV. TO JULIUS.

Oh! you who are regarded by me, Julius, as second to none of my companions, if well-tried friendship and longstanding ties are worth anything, already nearly a sixtieth consul is pressing upon you, and your life numbers but a few more uncertain days. Not wisely would you defer the enjoyment which you see maybe denied you, or consider the past alone as your own. Cares and linked chains of disaster are in store; joys abide not, but take flight with winced speed. Seize them with either hand, and with your full grasp; even thus they will oft-times pass away and glide from your closest embrace. 'Tis not, believe me, a wise man's part to say, "I will live." To-morrow's life is too late: live to-day.

XVI. TO AVITUS.

Of the epigrams which you read here, some are good, some middling, many bad; a book, Avitus, cannot be made in any other way.

XVII. TO TITUS.

Titus urges me to go to the Bar, and often tells me, "The gains are large." The gains of the husbandman, Titus, are likewise large.

XVIII. TO TUCCA, ON HIS PARSIMONY.

What pleasure can it give you, Tucca, to mix with old Falernian wine new wine stored up in Vatican casks? What vast amount of good has the most worthless of wine done you? or what amount of evil has the best wine done you? As for us, it is a small matter; but to murder Falernian, and to put poisonous wine in a Campanian cask, is an atrocity. Your guests may possibly have deserved to perish: a wine-jar of such value has not deserved to die.

XIX. TO AELIA.

If I remember right, Aelia, you had four teeth; a cough displaced two, another two more. You can now cough without anxiety all the day long. A third cough can find nothing to do in your mouth.

XX. TO CAECILIANUS.

Tell me, what madness is this? While a whole crowd of invited guests is looking on, you alone, Caecilianus, devour the truffles. What shall I imprecate on you worthy of so large a stomach and throat? That you may eat a truffle such as Claudius ate.

XXI. ON PORSENA AND MUCIUS SCAEVOLA.

When the hand that aimed at the king mistook for him his secretary, it thrust itself to perish into the sacred fire but the generous foe could not endure so cruel a sight, and bade the hero, snatched from the flame, to be set free. The hand which, despising the fire, Mucius dared to burn, Porsena could not bear to look on Greater was the fame and glory of that right hand from being deceived; had it not missed its aim, it had accomplished less.

XXII. TO A HARE.

Why, silly hare, are you fleeing from the fierce jaws of the lion now grown tame? They have not learned to crush such tiny animals. Those talons, which you fear, are reserved for mighty necks, nor does a thirst so great delight in so small a draught of blood. The hare is the prey of hounds; it does not fill large mouths: the Dacian boy should not fear Caesar.

XXIII. TO COTTA.

You invite no one, Cotta, except those whom you meet at the bath; and the bath alone supplies you with guests. I used to wonder why you had never asked me, Cotta; I know now that my appearance in a state of nature was unpleasing in your eyes.

XXIV. TO DECIANUS.

You see yonder individual, Decianus, with locks uncombed, whose grave brow even you fear; who talks incessantly of the Curii and Camilli, defenders of their country's liberties: do not trust his looks; he was taken to wife but yesterday.

XXV. TO FAUSTINUS.

Issue at length your books to the public, Faustinus, and give to the light the work elaborated by your accomplished mind,----a work such as neither the Cecropian city of Pandion would condemn, nor our old men pass by in silence. Do you hesitate to admit Fame, who is standing before your door; and does it displease you to receive the reward of your labour? Let the writings, destined to live after you, begin to live through your means. Glory comes too late, when paid only to our ashes.

XXVI. TO SEXTILIANUS.

Sextilianus, you drink as much as five rows of knights 1 alone: you might intoxicate yourself with water, if you so often drank as much. Nor is it the coin of those who sit near you alone that you consume in drink, but the money of those far removed from you, on the distant benches. This vintage has not been concerned with Pelignian presses, nor was this juice of the grape produced upon Tuscan heights; but it is the glorious jar of the long-departed Opimius 2 that is drained, and it is the Massic cellar that sends forth its blackened casks. Get dregs of Laletane wine from a tavern-keeper, Sextilianus, if you drink more than ten cups.3

1 Seated on the benches allotted them in the theatre. See Ep. 12. 2 The vintage of B. C. 121, in which year L. Opimius was one of the consuls, was extremely celebrated, and is frequently mentioned by the Roman writers. 3 The number to which persons at feasts usually restricted themselves.

XXVII. TO PROCILLUS.

Last night I had invited you----after some fifty glasses, I suppose, had been despatched----to sup with me to-day. You immediately thought your fortune was made, and took note of my unsober words, with a precedent but too dangerous. I hate a boon companion whose memory is good, Procillus.

XXVIII. ON ACCERRA.

Whoever believes it is of yesterday's wine that Acerra smells, is mistaken: Acerra always drinks till morning.

XXIX. TO FIDENTINUS.

Report says that you, Fidentinus, recite my compositions in public as if they were your own. If you allow them to be called mine, I will send you my verses gratis; if you wish them to be called yours, pray buy them, that they may be mine no longer.

XXX. ON DIAULUS.

Diaulus had been a surgeon, and is now an undertaker. He has begun to be useful to the sick in the only way that he could.

XXXI. TO APOLLO, OF ENCOLPUS.

Encolpus, the favourite of the centurion his master, consecrates these, the whole of the locks from his head, to you, O Phoebus.1 When Pudens shall have rained the pleasing honour of the chief-centurionship, which he has so well merited, cut these long tresses close, O Phoebus, as soon as possible, while the tender face is yet undisfigured with down, and while the flowing hair adorns the milk-white neck; and, that both master and favourite may long enjoy your gifts, make him carry shorn, but late a man.2

1 Encolpus, a favourite of Aulus Pudens the centurion, had vowed his hair to Phoebus, is order that his master might soon be made chief centurion. Martial prays that they may both obtain what they desire. 2 Extend his youth as long as possible.

XXXII. TO SABIDIUS.

I do not love you, Sabidius, nor can I say why; I can only say this, I do not love you.

The following lines, in imitation of this epigram, were made by some Oxford wit, on Dr John Fell, Bishop of Oxford, who died in 1686:

I do not love thee, Doctor Fell; The reason why I cannot tell. But this I'm sure I know full well, I do not love thee, Doctor Fell.

XXXIII. ON GELLIA.

Gellia does not mourn for her deceased father, when she is alone; but if any one is present, obedient tears spring forth. He mourns not, Gellia, who seeks to be praised; he is the true mourner, who mourns without a witness.

XXXIV. TO LESBIA.

You always take your pleasure, Lesbia, with doors unguarded and open, nor are you at any pains to conceal your amusements. It is more the spectator, than the accomplice in your doings, that pleases you, nor are any pleasures grateful to your taste if they be secret. Yet the common courtesan excludes every witness by curtain and by bolt, and few are the chinks in a suburban brothel. Learn something at least of modesty from Chione, or from Alis: even the monumental edifices of the dead afford hiding-places for abandoned harlots. Does my censure seem too harsh? I do not exhort you to be chaste, Lesbia, but not to be caught.

XXXV. TO CORNELIUS.

You complain, Cornelius, that the verses which I compose are little remarkable for their reserve, and not such as a master can read out in his school; but such effusions, as in the case of man and wife, cannot please without some spice of pleasantry in them. What if you were to bid me write a hymeneal song in words not suited to hymeneal occasions? Who enjoins the use of attire at the Floral games, and imposes on the courtesan the reserve of the matron? This law has been allowed to frolicsome verses, that without tickling the fancy they cannot please. Lay aside, therefore, your severe look, I beseech you, and spare my jokes and gaiety, and do not desire to mutilate my compositions. Nothing is more disgusting than Priapus become a priest of Cybele.

XXXVI. TO THE BROTHERS LUCANUS AND TULLUS.

If, Lucanus, to you, or if to you, Tullus, had been offered such fates as the Laconian children of Leda enjoy, there would have been this noble struggle of affection in both of you, that each would have wished to die first in place of his brother; and he who should have first descended to the nether realms of shade would have said, "Live, brother, thine own term of days; live also mine."

XXXVII. TO BASSUS.

Yon deposit your excretions, without any sense of shame, into an unfortunate vessel of gold, while you drink out of glass. The former operation, consequently, is the more expensive.

XXXVIII. TO FIDENTINUS.

The book which you are reading aloud is mine, Fidentinus but, while you read it so badly, it begins to be yours.

With fruity accents, and so vile a tone, You quote my lines, I took them for your own. Anon.

XXXIX. TO DECIANUS.

If there be any man fit to be numbered among one's few choice friends, a man such as the honesty of past times and ancient renown would readily acknowledge; if any man thoroughly imbued with the accomplishments of the Athenian and Latin Minervas, and exemplary for true integrity; if there be any man who cherishes what is right, and admires what is honourable, and asks nothing of the gods but what all may hear; if there be any man sustained by the strength of a great mind, may I die, if that man is not Decianus.

XL. TO AN ENVIOUS MAN.

You who make grimaces, and read these verses of mine with an ill grace, you, victim of jealousy, may, if you please, envy everybody; nobody will envy you.

XLI. TO CAECILIUS.

You imagine yourself Caecilius, a man of wit. You are no such thing, believe me. What then? A low buffoon; such a thing as wanders about in the quarters beyond the Tiber, and barters pale-coloured sulphur matches for broken glass; such a one as sells boiled peas and beans to the idle crowd; such as a lord and keeper of snakes; or as a common servant of the salt-meat-sellers; or a hoarse-voiced cook who carries round smoking sausages in steaming shops; or the worst of street poets; or a blackguard slave-dealer from Gades;1 or a chattering old debauchee. Cease at length, therefore, to imagine yourself that which is imagined by you alone, Caecilius, you who could have silenced Gabba, and even Testius Caballus, with your jokes. It is not given to every one to have taste; he who jests with a stupid effrontery is not a Testius, but a Caballus.3

1 See Juvenal xi. 163, and Mayor's note. 3 A play on the word Caballus, which, as an appellative noun, meant a hack-horse.

XLII. ON PORCIA.

When Porcia had heard the fate of her consort Brutus, and her grief was seeking the weapon, which had been carefully removed from her," You know not yet," she cried, "that death cannot be denied: I had supposed that my father had taught you this lesson by his fate. She spoke, and with eager mouth swallowed the blazing coals. "Go now, officious attendants, and refuse me a sword, if you will."

XLIII. ON MANCINUS.

Twice thirty were invited to your table, Mancinus, and nothing was placed before us yesterday but a wild-boar. Nowhere were to be seen grapes preserved from the late vines, or apples vying in flavour with sweet honey-combs; nowhere the pears which hang suspended by flexible twigs, or pomegranates the colour of summer roses: nor did the rustic basket supply its milky cheeses, or the olive emerge from its Picenian jar. Your wild-boar was by itself: and it was even of the smallest size, and such a one as might have been slaughtered by an unarmed dwarf. Besides, none of it was given us; we simply looked on it as spectators. This is the way in which even the arena places a wild-boar before us. May no wild-boar be placed before you after such doings, but may you be placed before the boar in front of which Charidemus was placed.1

1 By Domitian, to be torn in pieces. See Sueton. Life of Domit.

XLIV. TO STELLA.

If it seems to you too much, Stella, that my longer and shorter compositions are occupied with the frisky gambols of the hares and the play of the lions, and that I go over the same subject twice, do you also place a hare twice before me.

XLV. ON HIS BOOK.

That the care which I have bestowed upon what I have published may not come to nothing through the smallness of my volumes, let me rather fill up my verses with Τὸν δ̕ ἀπαμειθόμενος.1

1 Let me rather use frequent repetitions, just as Homer frequently repeats these words.

XLVI. TO HEDYLUS.

[From the Loeb translation]

When you say "I haste; now is the time," then, Hedylus, my ardour at once flags and weakens. Bid me wait: more quickly, stayed, shall I speed on. Hedylus, if you do haste, tell me not to haste!

XLVII. ON DIAULUS.

Diaulus, lately a doctor, is now an undertaker: what he does as an undertaker, he used to do also as a doctor.

XLVIII. ON THE LION AND HARE.

The keepers could not snatch the bulls from those wide jaws, through which the fleeting prey, the hare, goes and returns in safety; and, what is still more strange, he starts from his foe with increased swiftness, and contracts something of the great nobleness of the lion's nature. He is not safer when he courses along the empty arena, nor with equal feeling of security does he hide him in his hutch. If, venturous hare, you seek; to avoid the teeth of the hounds, you have the jaws of the lion to which you may flee for refuge.

XLIX. TO LICINIANUS.

O you, whose name must not be left untold by Celtiberian nations, you the honour of our common country, Spain, you, Licinianus, will behold the lofty Bilbilis, renowned for horses and arms, and Catus1 venerable with his locks of snow, and eased Vadavero with ita broken cliffs, and the sweet grove of delicious Botrodus, which the happy Pomona loves. You will breast the gently-flowing water of the warm Congedus and the calm lakes of the Nymphs, and your body, relaxed by these, you may brace up in the little Salo, which hardens iron. There Voberca 2 herself will supply for your meals animals which may be brought down close at hand. The serene summer heat you will disarm by bathing in the golden Tagus, hidden beneath the shades of trees; your greedy thirst the fresh Dercenna will appease, and Nutha, which in coldness surpasses snow. But when hoar December and the furious solstice shall resound with the hoarse blasts of the north-wind, you will again seek the sunny shores of Tarraco and thine own Laletania. There you will despatch hinds caught in your supple toils, and native boars; and you will tire out the cunning hare with your hardy steed; the stags you will leave to your bailiff. The neighboring wood will come down into your very hearth, surrounded as it will be with a troop of uncombed children. The huntsman will be invited to your table, and many a guest called in from the neighbourhood will come to you. The crescent-adorned boot 3 will be nowhere to be seen, nowhere the toga and garments smelling of purple dye. Far away will be the ill-favoured Liburnian porter 4 and the grumbling client; far away the imperious demands of widows. The pale criminal will not break your deep sleep, but all the morning long you will enjoy your slumber. Let another earn the grand and wild "Bravo!" Do you pity such happy ones, and enjoy without pride true delight, while your friend Sura is crowned with applause. Not unduly does life demand of us our few remaining days, when fame has as much as is sufficient.

1 Catus and Vadavero are names of mountains near Bilbilis. Botrodus is a small town; Congedus and Salo, riven. 2 The name of a town. Dercenna and Nutha are fountains. 3 Worn by senators. 4 See Juvenal, iv. 75.

L. TO AEMILIANUS.

If your cook, Aemilianus, is called Mistyllus, why should not mine be called Taratalla?1

1 A meaningless jest taken from Homer's words (Il. i.465).

LI. TO A HARE.

No neck, save the proudest, serves for the fierce lion. Why do you, vain-glorious hare, flee from these teeth? No doubt you would wish them to stoop from the huge bull to you, and to crush a neck which they cannot see. The glory of an illustrious death must be an object of despair to you. You, a tiny prey, canst not fall before such an enemy!

LII. TO QUINCTIANUS.

To you, Quinctianus, do I commend my books, if indeed I can call books mine, which your poet recites.1 If they complain of a grievous yoke, do you come forward as their advocate, and defend them efficiently; and when he calls himself their master, say that they were mine, but have been given 2 by me to the public. If you will proclaim this three or four times, you will bring shame on the plagiary.

1 A poet that recited verses to Quinctianus; the same, probably, that is mentioned in the next epigram. 2 Manumitted; released from my portfolio.

LIII. TO FIDENTINUS.

One page only in my books belongs to you, Fidentinus, but it bears the sure stamp of its master, and accuses your verses of glaring theft. Just so does a Gallic frock coming in contact with purple city cloaks stain them with grease and filth; just so do Arretine1 pots disgrace vases of crystal; so is a buck crow, straying perchance on the banks of the Cayster, laughed to scorn amid the swans of Leda: and so, when the sacred grove resounds with the music of the tuneful nightingale, the miscreant magpie disturbs her Attic plaints. My books need no one to accuse or judge you: the page which is yours stands up against you and says, "You are a thief"

1 Earthen pots from Arretium, a town of Etruria.

LIV. TO FUSCUS.

If, Fuscus, you have room to receive still more affection, (for you have friends around you on all sides), I ask you one place in your heart, if one still remains vacant, and that you will not refuse because I am a stranger to you: all your old friends were so once. Simply consider whether he who is presented to you a stranger is likely to become an old friend.

LV. TO FRONTO.

If you, Fronto, so distinguished an ornament of military and civil life, desire to learn the wishes of your friend Marcus, he prays for this, to be the tiller of his own farm, nor that a large one, and he loves inglorious repose in as unpretending sphere. Does any one haunt the porticoes of cold variegated Spartan marble, and run to offer, like a fool, his morning greetings, when he might, rich with the spoils of grave and field, unfold before his fire his well-filled nets, and lift the leaping fish with the quivering line, and draw forth the yellow honey from the red1 cask, while a plump housekeeper loads his unevenly-propped table, and his own eggs are cooked by an unbought fire? That the man who loves not me may not love this life, is my wish; and let him drag out life pallid with the cares of the city.

1 Stained with vermilion.

LVI. TO A VINTNER.

Harassed with continual rains, the vineyard drips with wet. You cannot sell us, vintner, even though you wish, neat wine.

LVII. TO FLACCUS.

Do you ask what sort of maid I desire or dislike, Flaccus? I dislike one too easy, and one too coy. The just mean, which lies between the two extremes, is what I approve; I like neither that which tortures, nor that which cloys.

LVIII. DE PUERI PRETIO.

[Untranslated]

LIX. TO FLACCUS.

The sportula1 at Baiae brings me in a hundred farthings; of what use is such a miserable sum in the midst of such sumptuous baths? Give me back the darksome baths of Lupus and Gryllus. When I sup so scantily, Flaccus, why should I bathe so luxuriously?

1 Sportula. A present from the richer class to the poorer; nominally the price of a supper. See Dict. Antiqq. s. v.

LX. ON THE LION AND HARE.

Hare, although you enter the wide jaws of the fierce lion, still he imagines his mouth to be empty. Where is the back on which he shall rush? where the shoulders on which he shall flail? where shall he fix those deep bites which he inflicts on young bulls? why do you in vain weary the lord and monarch of the groves? 'Tis only on the wild prey of his choice that he feeds.

LXI. TO LICINIANUS, ON THE COUNTRIES OF CELEBRATED AUTHORS.

Verona loves the verses of her learned Poet; Mantua is blest in her Maro; the territory of Apona is renowned for its Livy, its Stella, and not less for its Flaccus. The Nile, whose waters are instead of rain, applauds its Apollodorus; the Pelignians vaunt their Ovid. Eloquent Cordova speaks of its two Senecas and its single and preeminent Lucan. Voluptuous Gades delights in her Canius,1 Emerita in my friend Decianus. Our Bilbilis will be proud of you, Licinianus, nor will be altogether silent concerning me.

1 See b. iii. Ep. 20.

LXII. ON LAEVINA.

Laevina, so chaste as to rival even the Sabine women of old, and more austere than even her stern husband, chanced, while entrusting herself sometimes to the waters of the Lucrine lake, sometimes to those of Avernus, and while frequently refreshing herself in the baths of Baiae, to fall into flames of love, and, leaving her husband, fled with a young gallant. She arrived a Penelope, she departed a Helen.

LXIII. TO CELER.

You ask me to recite to you my Epigrams. I cannot oblige you; for you wish not to hear them, Celer, but to recite them.1

1 To plagiarise them from me, and then to recite them as your own.

LXIV. TO FABULLA.

You are pretty,----we know it; and young,----it is true; and rich,----who can deny it? But when you praise yourself extravagantly, Fabulla, you appear neither rich, nor pretty, nor young.

LXV. TO CAECILIANUS.

When I said ficus, you laughed at it as a barbarous word, Caecilianus, and bade me say ficos. I shall call the produce of the fig-tree ficus; yours I shall call ficos.1

1 An untranslatable jest on the double meaning of the word ficus, which, when declined ficus, -i, means piles or someone afflicted with it; and when ficus -lis, a fig-tree.

LXVI. TO A PLAGIARIST.

You are mistaken, insatiable thief of my writings, who think a poet can be made for the mere expense which copying, and a cheap volume cost. The applause of the world is not acquired for six or even ten sesterces. Seek out for this purpose verses treasured up, and unpublished efforts, known only to one person, and which the father himself of the virgin sheet, that has not been worn and scrubbed by bushy chins, keeps sealed up in his desk. A well-known book cannot change its master. But if there is one to be found vet unpolished by the pumice-stone, yet unadorned with bosses and cover, buy it: I have such by me, and no one shall know it. Whoever recites another's compositions, and seeks for fame, must buy, not a book, but the author's silence.

LXVII. TO CHOERILUS.

"You are too free-spoken," is your constant remark to me, Choerilus. He who speaks against you, Choerilus, is indeed a free speaker.1

1 Free from all restraint, for he may say all sorts of things against you without fear of contradiction.

LXVIII. ON RUFUS.

Whatever Rufus does, Naevia is all in all to him. Whether he rejoices, or mourns, or is silent, it is ever Naevia. He eats, he drinks, he asks, he refuses, he gesticulates, Naevia alone is in his thoughts: if there were no Naevia, he would be mute. When he had written a dutiful letter yesterday to his father, he ended it with, "Naevia, light of my eyes, Naevia, my idol, farewell" Naevia read these words, and laughed with downcast looks. Naevia is not yours only: what madness is this, foolish man?

LXIX. TO MAXIMUS.

Tarentos,3 which was wont to exhibit the statue of Pan, begins now, Maximus, to exhibit that of Canius.

3 Tarentos, a place in the Campus Martius, in which was a temple consecrated to Plato, and filled with statues of Pan, the Satyrs, and other deities or remarkable personages. On Canius, a humorous poet of Gades, whose statue, it appears, was put there with Pan's, see above, Ep. 61; B. iii. Ep. 29.

LXX. TO HIS BOOK.

Go, my book, and pay my respects for me: you are ordered to go, dutiful volume, to the splendid halls of Proculus. Do you ask the way? I will tell you. You will go along by the temple of Castor, near that of ancient Vesta, and that goddess's virgin home. Thence you will pass to the majestic Palatine edifice on the sacred hill, where glitters many a statue of the supreme ruler of the empire. And let not the ray-adorned mass of the Colossus detain you, a work which is proud of surpassing that of Rhodes. But turn aside by the way where the temple of the wine-bibbing Bacchus rises, and where the couch of Cybele stands adorned with. pictures of the Corybantes. Immediately on the left is the dwelling with its splendid facade, and the halls of the lofty mansion which you are to approach. Enter it; and fear not its haughty looks or proud gate; no entrance affords more ready access; nor is there any house more inviting for Phoebus and the learned sisters to love. If Proculus shall say, "But why does he not come himself?" you may excuse me thus, "Because he could not have written what is to be read here, whatever be its merit, if he had come to pay his respects in person."

LXXI. TO SLEEP.

Let Laevia be toasted with six cups,. Justine with seven, Lycas with five, Lyde with four, Ida with three. Let the number of letters in the name of each of our mistresses be equalled by the number of cups of Falernian. But, since none of them comes, come you, Sleep, to me.

LXXII. TO FIDENTINUS, A PLAGIARIST.

Do you imagine, Fidentinus, that you are a poet by the aid of my verses, and do you wish to be thought so? Just so does Aegle think she has teeth from having purchased bone or ivory. Just so does Lycoris, who is blacker than the falling mulberry, seem fair in her own eyes, because she is painted. You too, in the same way that you are a poet, will have flowing locks when you are grown bald.

LXXIII. TO CAECILIANUS.

These was no one in the whole city, Caecilianus, who desired to meddle with your wife, even gratis, while permission was given; but now, since you have set a watch upon her, the crowd of gallants is innumerable. You are a clever fellow!

LXXIV. TO PAULA.

He was your gallant, Paula; you could however deny it He is become your husband; can you deny it now, Paula? 1

1 He was said to be your gallant when your first husband was alive. You then denied it. You married him as soon as your husband died. Will you deny it now?

LXXV. ON LINUS.

He who prefers to give Linus the half of what he wishes to borrow, rather than to lend him the whole, prefers to lose only the half.

LXXVI. TO VALERIUS FLACCUS.1

Flaccus, valued object of my solicitude, hope and nursling of the city of Antenor,2 put aside Pierian strains and the lyre of the Sisters; none of those damsels will give you money. What do you expect from Phoebus? The cheat of Minerva contains the cash; she alone is wise, she alone lends to all the gods. What can the ivy of Bacchus give? The dark tree of Pallas bends down its variegated boughs under the load of fruit. Helicon, besides its waters and the garlands and lyres of the goddesses, and the great but empty applause of the multitude, has nothing. What have you to do with Cirrha? What with bare Permessis? The Roman forum is nearer and more lucrative. There is heard the chink of money; but around our desks and barren chairs kisses 3 alone resound.

Though midst the noblest poets you have place, Flaccus, the offering of Antenor's race; Renounce the Muses' songs and charming quire, For none of them enrich, though they inspire. Court not Apollo, Pallas has the gold; She 's wise, and does the gods in mortgage hold. What profit is there in an ivy wreath? Its fruits the loaden olive sinks beneath. In Helicon there's nought but springs and bays, The Muses' harps loud sounding empty praise.

1 The author of the Argonautica. 2 The city of Patavium, founded by Antenor 3 As tokens of applause.

LXXVII. ON CHARINUS.

Charinus is perfectly well, and yet he is pale; Charinus drinks sparingly, and yet he is pale; Charinus digests well, and yet he is pale; Charinus suns himself and yet he is pale; Charinus dyes his skin, and yet he is pale; Charinus indulges in [infamous debauchery], and yet he is pale.1

1 That is, he does not blush at his infamy.

LXXVIII. ON FESTUS, WHO STABBED HIMSELF.

When a devouring malady attacked his unoffending throat, and its black poison extended its ravages over his face, Festus, consoling his weeping friends, while his own eyes were dry, determined to seek the Stygian lake. He did not however pollute his pious mouth with secret poison, or aggravate his sad fate by lingering famine, but ended his pure life by a death befitting a Roman, and freed his spirit in a nobler way. This death fame may place above that of the great Cato; for Domitian was Festus' friend.2

2 Cato said that he died to avoid looking on the face of the tyrant Caesar.

LXXIX. TO ATTALUS, A BUSY-BODY.

Attalus, you are ever acting the barrister, or acting the man of business: whether there is or is not a part for you to act, Attalus, you are always acting a part. If lawsuits and business are not to be found, Attalus, you act the mule-driver. Attalus, lest a part should be wanting for you to act, act the part of executioner on yourself..

You act the pleader, and you act the man Of business; acting is your constant plan: So prone to act, the coachman's part is tried; Lest all parts fail you, act the suicide. L. H. S.

LXXX. TO CANUS.

On the last night of your lift, Canus, a sportula was the object of your wishes. I suppose the cause of your death was, Canus, that there was only one.1

1 He had hoped for several largesses; he died of mortification at receiving only one.

LXXXI. TO SOSIBIANUS.

You know that you are the son of a slave, and you ingenuously confess it, when you call your father, Sosibianus, "master".2

2 The mother of Sosibianus had been guilty of adultery with a slave. When Sosibianus calls his reputed father Dominus, as a title of respect, but which was also a term for a master of slaves, he confessed himself a verna, or born-slave.

LXXXII. ON REGULUS.

See from what mischief this portico, which, overthrown amid clouds of dust, stretches its long ruins over the ground, lies absolved. For Regulus had but just been carried in his litter under its arch, and had got out of the way, when forthwith, borne down by its own weight, it fell; and, being no longer in fear for its master, it came down free from blood-guiltiness, a harmless ruin, without any attendant anxiety. After the fear of so great a cause for complaint is passed, who would deny, Regulus, that you, for whose sake the fall was harmless, are an object of care to the gods?

LXXXIII. ON MANNEIA.

Your lap-dog, Manneia, licks your mouth and lips: I do not wonder at a dog liking to eat ordure.1

1 A sarcasm on the foulness of Manneia's breath.

LXXXIV. ON QUIRINALIS.

Quirinalis, though he wishes to have children, has no intention of taking a wife, and has found out in what way he can accomplish his object. He takes to him his maid-servants, and fills his house and his lands with slave-knights.2 Quirinalis is a true pater-familias.

2 Equitibus vernis. (See Heinrich on Juv. ix. 10.) Eques verna, the offspring of a knight and a slave.

LXXXV. ON AN AUCTIONEER.

A wag of an auctioneer, offering for sale some cultivated heights, and some beautiful acres of land near the city, says, "If any one imagines that Marius is compelled to sell, he is mistaken; Marius owes nothing: on the contrary, he rather has money to put out at interest." "What is his reason, then, for selling?" "In this place he lost all his slaves, and his cattle, and his profits; hence he does not like the locality." Who would have made any offer, unless he had wished to lose all his property? So the ill-fated land remains with Marius.

LXXXVI. ON NOVIUS.

Novius is my neighbour, and may be reached by the hand from my windows. Who would not envy me, and think me a happy man every hour of the day when I may enjoy the society of one so near to me? But, he is as far removed from me as Terentianus, who is now governor of Syene on the Nile. I am not privileged either to live with him, or even see him, or hear him; nor in the whole city is there any one at once so near and so far from me. I must remove farther off, or he must. If any one wishes not to see Novius, let him become his neighbour or his fellow-lodger.

My neighbour Hunks's house and mine Are built so near they almost join; The windows too project so much, That through the casements we may touch. Nay, I'm so happy, most men think, To live so near a man of chink, That they are apt to envy me, For keeping such good company: But he's far from me, I vow, As London is from good Lord Howe; For when old Hunks I chance to meet, Or one or both must quit the street. Thus he who would not see old Roger, Must be his neighbour----or his lodger. Swift

LXXXVII. TO FESCENNIA.

That you may not be disagreeably fragrant with your yesterday's wine, you devour, luxurious Fescennia, certain of Cosmus's1 perfumes. Breakfasts of such a nature leave their mark on the teeth, but form no barrier against the emanations which escape from the depths of the stomach. Nay, the fetid smell is but the worse when mixed with perfume, and the double odour of the breath is carried but the farther. Cease then to use frauds but too well known, and disguises well understood; and simply intoxicate yourself!

1 Cosmus: a celebrated perfumer of the day, and frequently mentioned.

LXXXVIII. ON ALCIMUS.

Alcimus, whom, snatched from your lord in your opening years, the Labican earth covers with light turf, receive, not a nodding mass of Parian marble,----an unenduring monument which misapplied toil gives to the dead,----but shapely box-trees and the dark shades of the palm leaf, and dewy flowers of the mead which bloom from being watered with my tears. Receive, dear youth, the memorials of my grief: this tribute will live for you in all time. When Lachesis shall have spun to the end of my last hour, I shall ask no other honours for my ashes.

LXXXIX. TO CINNA.

You always whisper into every one's ear, Cinna; you whisper even what might be said in the hearing of the whole world. You laugh, you complain, you dispute, you weep, you sing, you criticise, you are silent, you are noisy; and all in one's ear. Has this disease so thoroughly taken possession of you, that you often praise Caesar, Cinna, in the ear? 1

1 When his praise ought to be proclaimed aloud everywhere.

XC. ON BASSA.

Inasmuch as I never saw you, Bassa, surrounded by a crowd of admirers, and report in no case assigned to you a favoured lover; but every duty about your person was constantly performed by a crowd of your own sex, without the presence of even one man; you seemed to me, I confess it, to be a Lucretia.

XCI. TO LAELIUS.

You do not publish your own verses, Laelius; you criticise mine. Pray cease to criticise mine, or else publish your own.

You blame my verses and conceal your own: Either publish yours, or else let mine alone! Anon. 1695.

XCII. TO MAMURIANUS.

Cestus with tears in his eyes often complains to me, Hamurianus, of being touched with your finger. You need not use your finger merely; take Cestos all to yourself if nothing else is wanting in your establishment, Mamurianus.2 But if you have neither fire, nor legs for your bare bedstead, nor broken basin of Chione or Antiope;3 if a cloak greasy and worn hangs down your back, and a Gallic jacket covers only half of your loins; and if you feed on the smell alone of the dark kitchen, and drink on your knees dirty water with the dog;

Non culum, neque enim est cuius, qui non cacat olim, Sed fodiam digito qui super est oculum.4 Nec me zelotypum nec dixeris esse malignum: Denique paedica, Mamuriane, satur.

2 Mamurianus is ridiculed for his sordid and licentious life. He had but one eye, as appears from what is said below. Cestus was Martial's servant. 3 Names of courtesans, from whom Martial intimates that Mamurianus would accept broken vessels. 4 A play on the words culus and oculus. A common threat was, "Oculos tibieffodiam," often used in Plautus.

XCIII. ON AQUINUS AND FABRICIUS.

Here reposes Aquinas, reunited to his faithful Fabricius, who rejoices in having preceded him to the Elysian retreats. This double altar bears record that each was honoured with the rank of chief centurion; but that praise is of still greater worth which you read in this shorter inscription: Both were united in the sacred bond of a well-spent life, and, what is rarely known to fame, were friends.

XCIV. TO AEGLE THE FELLATRIX.

[Not translated in the Bohn - adapted from the Loeb]

Badly you sang while you fornicated, Aegle. Now you sing well; but I won't kiss you.

XCV. TO AELIUS.

In constantly making a clamour, and obstructing the pleaders with your noise, Aelius, you act not without an object; you look for pay to hold your tongue.

That bawlers you out-bawl, the busy crush, No idler you, who bring to sale your hush. Elphinston.

XCVI. TO HIS VERSE, ON A LICENTIOUS CHARACTER.

If it is not disagreeable, and does not annoy you, my verse, say, I pray, a word or two in the ear of our friend Maternus, so that he alone may hear. That admirer of sad-coloured coats, clad in the costume of the banks of the river Baetis, and in grey garments, who deems the wearers of scarlet not men, and calls amethyst-coloured robes the dress of women, however much he may praise natural hues, and be always seen in dark colours, has at the same time morals of an extremely flagrant hue. You will ask whence I suspect him of effeminacy. We go to the same baths; Do you ask me who this is? His name has escaped me.

XCVII. TO NAEVOLUS.

When every one is talking, then and then only, Naevolus, do you open your month; and you think yourself an advocate and a pleader. In such a way every one may be eloquent. But see, everybody is silent; say something now, Naevolus.

XCVIII. TO FLACCUS, ON DIODORUS.

Diodorus goes to law, Flaccus, and has the gout in his feet But he pays his counsel nothing; surely he has the gout also in his hands.

XCIX. TO CALENUS.

But a short time since, Calenus, you had not quite two millions of sesterces; but you were so prodigal and open-handed, and hospitable, that all your friends wished you ten millions. Heaven heard the wish and our prayers; and within, I think, six months, four deaths gave you the desired fortune. But you, as if ten millions had not been left to you, but taken from you, condemned yourself to such abstinence, wretched man, that you prepare even your most sumptuous feasts, which you provide only once in the whole year, at the cost of but a few dirty pieces of black coin; and we, seven of your old companions, stand you in just half a pound of leaden money. What blessing are we to invoke upon you worthy of such merits? We wish you, Calenus, a fortune of a hundred millions. If this falls to your lot, you will die of hunger.

C. ON AFRA.

Afra talks of her papas and her mammas; but she herself may be called the grandmamma of her papas and mammas.

CI. ON THE DEATH OF HIS AMANUENSIS DEMETRIUS.

Demetrius, whose hand was once the faithful confidant of my verses, so useful to his master, and so well known to the Caesars, has yielded up his brief life in its early prime. A fourth harvest had been added to his years, which previously numbered fifteen. That he might not, however, descend to the Stygian shades as a slave, I, when the accursed disease had seized and was withering him, took precaution, and remitted to the sick youth all my right over him as his master; he was worthy of restoration to health through my gift.1 He appreciated, with failing faculties, the kindness which he had received; and on the point of departing, a free man, to the Tartarean waters, saluted me as his patron.

1 I.e. I wish my gift could have restored him to health.

CII. TO LYCORIS.

The painter who drew your Venus, Lycoris, paid court, I suppose, to Minerva.2

2 Represented Venus less beautiful than she is, in order to please Minerva, her rival for the golden apple.

CIII. TO SCAEVOLA.

"If the gods were to give me a fortune of a million sesterces," you used to say, Scaevola, before you were a full knight,1 "oh how would I live! how magnificently, how happily!" The complaisant deities smiled and granted your wish. Since that time your toga has become much more dirty, your cloak worse; your shoe has been sewn up three and four times; of ten olives the greater portion is always put by, and one spread of the table serves for two meals; the thick dregs of pink Vejentan wine are your drink; a plate of lukewarm peas costs you a penny; your mistress a penny likewise. Cheat and liar, let us go before the tribunal of the gods; and either live, Scaevola, as befits you, or restore to the gods your million sesterces.

1 That is, before you had four hundred thousand sesterces; which was the fortune that a man must have before he could be a knight

CIV. ON A SPECTACLE IN THE ARENA.

When we see the leopard bear upon his spotted neck a light and easy yoke, and the furious tigers endure with patience the blows of the whip; the stags champ the golden curbs; the Libyan bears tamed by the bit; a boar, huge as that which Calydon is said to have produced, obey the purple muzzle; the ugly buffaloes drag chariots, and the elephant, when ordered to dance nimbly, pay prompt obedience to his swarthy leader; who would not imagine such things a spectacle given by the gods? These, however, any one disregards as of inferior attraction who sees the condescension of the lions, which the swift-footed timorous hares fatigue in the chase. They let go the little animals, catch them again, and caress them when caught, and the latter are safer in their captors' mouths than elsewhere; since the lions delight in granting them free passage through their open jaws, and in holding their teeth as with fear, for they are ashamed to crush the tender prey, after having just come from slaying bulls; This clemency does not proceed from art; the lions know whom they serve.

CV. TO QUINTUS OVIDIUS.

The wine, Ovidius, which is grown in the Nomentan fields, in proportion as it receives the addition of years, puts off, through age, its character and name; and the jar thus ancient receives whatever name you please.1

1 Being mellowed by age, it maybe called Falernian, Cecuban, or any other name given to the best wines.

CVI. TO RUFUS.

Rufus, you often pour water into your wine, and, if hard pressed by your companion, you drink just a cup now and then of diluted Falernian. Pray, is it that Naevia has promised you a night of bliss; and you prefer by sobriety to enhance your enjoyment? You sigh, you are silent, you groan: she has refused you. You may drink, then, and often, cups of four-fold size, and drown in wine your concern at her cruelty. Why do you spare yourself, Rufus? You have nothing before you but to sleep.

CVII. TO LUCIUS JULIUS.

You often say to me, dearest Lucius Julius, "Write something great: you take your ease too much." Give me then leisure,----but leisure such as that which of old Maecenas gave to his Horace and his Virgil -- and I would endeavour to write something which should live through time, and to snatch my name from the flames of the funeral pyre. Steers are unwilling to carry their yoke into barren fields. A fat soil fatigues, but the very labour bestowed on it is delightful.

CVIII. TO GALLUS.

You possess----and may it be yours and grow larger through a long series of years----a house, beautiful I admit, but on the other side of the Tiber. But my garret looks upon the laurels of Agrippa; and in this quarter I am already grown old. I must move, in order to pay you a morning call, Gallus, and you deserve this consideration, even if your house were still farther off. But it is a small matter to you, Gallus, if I add one to the number of your toga-clad visitors; while it is a great matter to me, if I withhold that one. I myself will frequently pay my respects to you at the tenth hour.1 This morning my book shall wish you "good day" in my stead.

1 The tenth hour from sunrise, corresponding to our four o'clock is the afternoon. SeeB. iv. Ep. 8.

CIX. ON A PET DOG AND THE PAINTER.

Issa is more playful than the sparrow of Catullus. Issa is more pure than the kiss of a dove. Issa is more loving than any maiden. Issa is dearer than Indian gems. The little dog Issa is the pet of Publius. If she complains, you will think she speaks. She feels both the sorrow and the gladness of her master. She lies reclined upon his neck, and sleeps, so that not a respiration is heard from her. And, however pressed, she has never sullied the coverlet with a single spot; but rouses her master with a gentle touch of her foot, and begs to be set down from the bed and relieved. Such modesty resides in this chaste little animal; she knows not the pleasures of love; nor do we find a mate worthy of so tender a damsel. That her last hour may not carry her off wholly, Publius has her limned in a picture, in which you will see an Issa so like, that not even herself is so like herself. In a word, place Issa and the picture side by side, and you will imagine either both real, or both painted.

CX. TO VELOX.

You complain, Velox, that the epigrams which I write are long. You yourself write nothing; your attempts are shorter.1

1 Imperfect; abortive; ending in nothing.

CXI. TO REGULUS, ON SENDING HIM A BOOK AND A PRESENT OF FRANKINCENSE.

Since your reputation for wisdom, and the care which you bestow on your labours, are equal, and since your piety is not inferior to your genius, he who is surprised that a book and incense are presented to you, Regulus, is ignorant how to adapt presents to deserts.

CXII. ON PRISCUS, A USURER.

When I did not know you, I used to address you as my lord and king. Now, since I know you well, you shall be plain Priscus with me.

CXIII. TO THE READER.

If, reader, you wish to employ some good hours badly, and are an enemy to your own leisure, you will obtain whatever sportive verses I produced in my youth and boyhood, and all my trifles, which even I myself have forgotten, from Quintus Pollius Valerianus, who has resolved not to let my light effusions perish.

CXIV. TO FAUSTINUS.

These gardens adjoining your domain, Faustinus, and these small fields and moist meadows, Telesphorus Faenius owns. Here he has deposited the ashes of his daughter, and has consecrated the name, which you read, of Antulla;----though his own name should rather have been read there. It had been more just that the father should have gone to the Stygian shades; but, since this was not permitted, may he live to honour his daughter's remains.

CXV. TO PROCILLUS.

A certain damsel, envious Procillus, is desperately in love with me,----a nymph more white than the spotless swan, than silver, than snow, than lily, than privet: already you will be thinking of hanging yourself, But I long for one darker than night, than the ant, than pitch, than the jack-daw, than the cricket. If I know you well, Procillus, you will spare your life.

CXVI. ON THE TOMB OF ANTULLA.

This grove, and these fair acres of cultivated land, Faenius has consecrated to the eternal honour of the dead. In this tomb is deposited Antulla, too soon snatched from her family: in this tomb each of her parents will be united to her. If any one desires this piece of ground, I warn him not to hope for it; it is for ever devoted to its owners.

CXVII. TO LUPERCUS.

Whenever you meet me, Lupercus, you constantly say, "Shall I send my servant, for you to give him your little book of Epigrams, which I will read and return to you directly?" There is no reason, Lupercus, to trouble your servant. It is a lone journey, if he wishes to come to the Pirus;1 and I live up three pairs of stairs, and those high ones. What you want you may procure nearer at hand. You frequently go down to the Argiletum: opposite Caesar's forum is a shop, with pillars on each side covered over with titles of books, so that you may quickly run over the names of all the poets. Procure me there; you will no sooner ask Atrectus,----such is the name of the owner of the shop,----than he will give you, from the first or second shelf a Martial, well smoothed with pumice-stone, and adorned with purple, for five denarii "You are not worth so much," do you say? You are right, Lupercus.

1 The pear-tree. The name of some spot near which Martial lived.

CXVIII. TO CAEDICIANUS.

For him who is not satisfied with reading a hundred epigrams, no amount of trouble is sufficient, Caedicianus.

This text was transcribed by Roger Pearse, Ipswich, UK, 2008. This file and all material on this page is in the public domain - copy freely.

Greek text is rendered using unicode.

Early Church Fathers - Additional Texts

#latin poetry

3 notes · View notes

nadziejastar · 4 years ago

Note

Imo Kingdom Hearts could have been a lot different if Disney was never involved or if it was it's entire own francise with no crossover with FF or Disney, imo that would have been great. Since KH1, the Disney-worlds had barely to no connection or revelance to the main-plot anymore, Sora just travels to the worlds because he can, in KH1 there was more at stake in those worlds too, now they just feel like filler, as much as SE has tried up untill KH3.

Well, “Quadratum” means “Square”. It’s possible that Nomura wants to move away from Disney worlds and focus more on Square worlds. Although I like the Disney worlds, and think they help give the series a unique identity, I can understand that Disney is a is large, powerful, greedy corporation. And Nomura’s relationship with them has changed over time.

It’s telling that instead of coming up with a new plot that gives us a good reason to travel to the Disney worlds again (the real ones, not data worlds, memory worlds, dream worlds, etc.) he’s sending Sora and Riku off to a new alternate dimension based on Versus XIII—a Square property. It may indicate that he’s tired of Disney worlds and they will be getting less focus from now on.

KH1

As the series has gone on, the implementation of the Disney worlds has become worse and worse as Nomura has struggled to come up with reasons to travel to them. I think you’re right that KH1 did the best with incorporating the worlds into the plot. Sora was trying to seal all the Keyholes, giving him a good reason to be in each one. He was looking for Riku and Kairi, which was a more personal goal. And then you had the seven princesses and the villain alliance. And each world contributed to the overall theme of the story.

KH CoM

Pinocchio: Gee, Riku, don’t you have a Jiminy like I do? He’s my conscience. He’s taught me all kinds of important stuff. Maybe you just need somebody to show you what’s right and wrong.

Jiminy: Sure. You can’t shoulder all your problems alone, ya know. You must have somebody–a friend you can talk to?

In CoM, the Disney worlds were pure filler. Only existed for gameplay. On Sora’s side, the story within them was almost the exact same as it was in KH1. Even on Riku’s side, the Disney worlds were pointless. For instance, the whole Monstro level in KH3D could have happened in Re:CoM, since it’s basically reliving Riku’s memories from KH1, but having him make a different choice that time.

KH2

Iago: I wanna be a good friend, like Genie, but I can't do anything to help you. What kind of a friend is that?

Sora: Oh, no---it's not like that, Iago. Friends don't have to "do" stuff. As long as you have fun hanging out together, that's all that matters.

In KH2, the worlds are a mix of new and old. But they’re not really important to the plot. Sora’s just looking for Riku and the King, they’re not there, you participate in the movie’s plot, then move onto the next one. All the actual story happens in Twilight Town, Hollow Bastion, or TWTNW. Each world usually has a theme and a moral lesson, but it doesn’t always relate to Sora that much, so they feel filler-ish. In the second half, the organization appears in the worlds, which makes them a little more relevant to the story. But not much. They were still fun levels, though.

358/2 Days

Roxas had a good reason to go to the worlds, to collect hearts for the organization. I don’t mind if the Disney worlds aren’t directly plot-related, as long as there’s character development in them. I like that they took certain worlds from KH2 that felt like filler and expanded on the main theme of them, contributing to character development, particularly for Axel. For instance, in KH2′s Agrabah, the moral lesson was: best friends don’t have to be “useful”. This idea doesn’t have much to do with Sora, though, so it felt kinda pointless to his quest.

If you didn’t need me, then I no longer held meaning. However, reality is different. It wasn’t about whether I was needed or not. If I could just connect to others’ hearts, that would be enough.

But it was implied that this idea was very relevant to Axel’s memories of his past and his best friend.��

“Because they copied my powers, the Keyblade’s power, and then they didn’t need me anymore— is that it?” Roxas spat.

He couldn’t bring himself to confirm it.

“I guess you felt the same way, huh, Axel?”

At those words, something wrenched in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. No, not me. I wasn’t thinking like that. I would never. “That’s not true. You—you’re my best friend.” The words spilled out of him.

The story of Days was all about how Roxas and Xion help Axel remember his past and what it felt like to have a best friend (an idea that connects to CoM). And the Disney worlds at least contributed to that idea in a meaningful way.

“Set in a circus and playing off the story of Pinocchio, a puppet with a heart, and the Nobodies who possess no heart, we planned for a sad episode with Roxas and Xion looking for hope for themselves”.

I would have preferred Prankster’s Paradise as a world, though, instead of, say, Halloween Town. It sounds like Roxas and Xion would have developed more in that world and it would have been more relevant to the story. Plus, it would have been new. But I think Days did a decent enough job with the Disney worlds. At least Roxas learned something new when he went to them, spurring on interesting discussions with Axel about friendship, love, the heart, etc.

KHBBS

Bagheera: It was bound to happen. Mowgli is where he belongs now.

Three new characters. In each world, the character learned something new and developed slightly. The worlds were mostly new, too. I don’t have a problem with BBS’s Disney worlds. I do wish they would have kept the Jungle Book worlds in, though.

“Riku… Do you think Nobodies have a home? Somewhere we belong?” Naminé wondered.

Having a home, somewhere to belong, was one of the main themes of the Xehanort Saga.

Master Xehanort: Darkness that you channeled.

Terra: No, I succumbed to it. Just like when I stole Princess Aurora’s heart of light. I can never return home now. I’m a failure.

Terra felt like a failure, and that he could never return home. And Aqua was tasked with bringing Ven home. This world could have been really good in BBS.

Coded

Mickey: Yen Sid… I think we’re finally close to figuring out where Ven’s heart is.

Here’s where things start going off the rails. In Coded, Disney worlds are yet again retreads of KH1, only this time they’re data instead of memories. The whole purpose of the plot was to explain why Mickey sent Sora, Riku, and Kairi that letter at the end of KH2. But you didn’t really need a whole game of travelling through virtual Disney worlds for that, especially involving convoluted ideas like data Namine implanting bug blocks in the journal or Jiminy’s Journal embodying itself as Riku (WTF?). You could have just added a scene into KH2FM+ like the above one from the manga. When Mickey saw the photo of Roxas, he recognized him as Ventus. Then he tells Master Yen Sid about it later, leading to Coded’s ending and him writing the letter.

KHUX

Ephemer: The worlds we visit—the worlds of fairy tales—are nothing more than holograms. You know, projections. The light we collect there is actually this world’s light. To put it simply: There are lots of worlds, right? And they’re all connected by land. But it’s impossible to go around all of them. That’s why there’s a mechanism that projects those worlds here and allows us to collect Lux from faraway lands. I’m gathering information, trying to figure out how the whole thing works. My hunch is that the Book of Prophecies held by the Foretellers is what’s creating these holograms.

The Disney worlds were extremely boring to play through. More than any other KH game, they have scenes that are just copy/pasted straight from the movies. Your main character, since they are mute, has little involvement. They do not grow, change, or develop, after any of these worlds. They have nothing interesting to say and they can barely interact with anyone (Chirithy does it for you).

And all, except for Wreck-It-Ralph, are just retreads of plots that we already experienced in other games. The worlds are digital holograms of the future generated from the Book of Prophecies. It’s all a VERY convoluted excuse to have you play through the same old plots from the Disney worlds. AGAIN. Only with a FAR less interesting main character. Since this was supposed to be just a F2P gacha with little story, it could have been excused. But since KHUX has become so important to the main story, it is inexcusable how poor of a game it is.

KH3D

Sora: I get it now. After this, Pinocchio and Jiminy’s world gets dragged into darkness, and they end up cast into the sea between worlds, along with Monstro. And then…they end up in Traverse Town, and the belly of the whale. That’s when we meet for real. It’s like Master Yen Sid said–I’m in the dream Pinocchio’s world is dreaming. And that world will never be right again until it wakes from sleep.

I don’t have any real issue with a game focusing on the mark of mastery exam, where Sora and Riku travel through Disney worlds. Riku develops along the way in a satisfying way. It’s the first time you actually go to new worlds as him. The test was for Sora and Riku to acquire the power of waking, so they had to go to dream worlds. Fantasia was perfect for this idea.

But the concept of Sleeping Worlds is convoluted and confusing. They’re dream versions of the worlds? Who is dreaming them? The Dandelions? They’re stuck in a time loop of the past? But visiting the Sleeping Worlds doesn’t rewrite the present. So, are they connected to the datascape? Again, it’s so convoluted, because there really is no reason that Sora and Riku would have to go on another adventure in the REAL world. Again, I would have preferred Prankster’s Paradise in Days. Pinocchio would be a human, it’d be set in the present timeline so no awkward dialogue, and Honest John and Gideon would be involved, giving it more of a plot.

KH3

The game’s worlds could have been okay if Sora wasn’t just wandering about aimlessly. And if they had developed the power of waking better. The power of waking is essentially the power to wake a sleeping heart by connecting with it. It’s the power of love, basically. Most of the Disney worlds are about love. And also, a member of the organization appears in each one.

Dark Road

In BBS, it’s revealed that Xehanort wants to open KH to create a new world. But in KH3, he wants to reset the world. How is this different?

Nomura: The most essential part is that he thinks the current world is a failure, and wants to remake it.

I’m interested to know why Xehanort came to think that way (that the world should be remade).

Nomura: Initially, I wanted to dive deeper into the naive, untainted Xehanort who we see playing chess in the next installment (before KH3 was made), but if I did that, the dark seeker arc wouldn’t have ended (lol), so I decided to shelve it for now.

Wonderland is the only Disney world that has had a plot so far. But this was still the most interesting usage of Wonderland in the series, IMO.

Envy (Latin, invidia): Invi Gluttony (Latin, gula): Gula Lust (Latin, luxuria): Luxu. Anger, or Wrath (Latin, ira): Ira Greed, or Avarice (Latin, avaritia): Ava Sloth, or Laziness (Latin, acedia): Aced

The Foretellers are named after the seven deadly sins.

Nomura: As I was writing the scenario for Kingdom Hearts Back Cover, I was careful so as to make each character look neither like a hero nor a villain, however in the end it seems that only Ava was received as a good girl (laughs). At any rate, if you think of the story progression as a gun, where Ava is the only one with the capacity to pull that gun’s trigger, I’m not so sure about how devoid of sin she really is…

I think there were a lot of parallels between the age of fairytales and the Book of Genesis.

Pride (Latin: superbia) is considered, on almost every list, the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins. Out of the seven, it is the most angelical, or demonic. It is also thought to be the source of the other capital sins.

The MoM is probably really Darkness, the original sin, Superbia. And Xehanort has his Keyblade, becoming his successor. Pride was his deadly sin. He could never admit that he lost to Eraqus at chess because of his pride. In the Bible, the source of sin was the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden. After acquiring knowledge of good and evil, he developed a god complex. Pride is the ultimate sin, where all the other sins originate from.

I need only play the role of a fool desirous of the Keyblade’s power.

Luxu is lust and Braig lusted for Xehanort’s power (as Luxu probably did with the MoM). The story in Dark Road is actually interesting. Xehanort is a FAR more interesting protagonist that the Avatar in Union X. As a wielder in training, he actually has a good reason to travel the worlds, and develops as a character along the way. I think Dark Road deserved to be its own real KH game, released on the Vita or 3DS a long time ago. It’s a shame it’s only a mobile game.

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

Pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Envy is the desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

The story of Dark Road will likely be Xehanort encountering the seven deadly sins as manifested in Disney villains and coming to the conclusion that the world is too corrupt and needs to be reset. That is actually a decent enough plot and good justification for travelling through the Disney worlds. It’d be cool if they added new worlds. Maybe like Pocahontas, and Governor Radcliffe could be Greed, etc.

3 notes · View notes

kyndaris · 5 years ago

Text

Date with Destiny (with a Capital D)

When I watched the announcement at E3 about Final Fantasy VII Remake, I was terribly excited. Though the Final Fantasy series has been one of my favourites since I first played Final Fantasy X, I have never actually played the original Final Fantasy VII.Instead, I read everything I could find and watched walkthroughs (including Dirge of Cerberus) as well as the film: Advent Children and Advent Children Complete. When Crisis Core released on PlayStation Portable (PSP), I also bought that to immerse myself in the entirety of the Final Fantasy VII universe. And when I told one of my close friends, Bleachpanda, about it, they were surprised that I had never played the original. But while I could have purchased the re-release on the PlayStation 4, I wanted to see the game that had captured the imagination of so many people in high definition quality.

As most people in Australia know, the game released a whole nine days earlier than it was supposed to: on 1st of April. After I had mistakenly taken the express train, I was perusing my messages and saw my friend post her excitement that Final Fantasy VII Remake was out. Immediately, I used my situation to my advantage and went to buy the game - despite the fact that I had no facial mask and was entering a shopping centre with a possible high risk of infection. After sweating up a storm by rushing to all the stores, I finally had the copy in hand.

However, it would not be until I had finished Yakuza 4 that I could begin my journey with Cloud and the Avalanche team. Suffice it to say, I was incredibly excited. From the score to Cloud’s lovely cheekbones. In fact, I could not believe my good fortune that I was actually playing the game. It didn’t seem real that I would have in my hands despite the ongoing pandemic. From there, my hype built as I defeated the Scorpion sentinel and moved on to the Seventh Heaven. When Tifa’s theme sounded, I had to resist the urge to shed a tear.

I might not have played the original, but gosh darn it, I loved the characters as much as any fan.

Even the little details were so exciting to see. Though there were several changes to the game, it was clear that the developers loved the game as much as its fans did. I liked how Cloud and the gang kept their victory poses for when they were in the Coliseum. The up-scaled Church, the bar, Wall Market and Aerith’s house. Learning more about many of the side characters also helped build a solid connection to them. From Jessie’s tragic backstory of her dad collapsing in Mako storage in her debut as the role of Princess at the Golden Saucer (goodness me, if she knew about the shenanigans of Cloud and the rest of the party, she’d probably throw a fit), to Bigg’s contribution to the Sector 5 orphanage. This even extended to the differences in Tifa’s and Aerith’s cleavage sizes. Not that I was paying particular attention...

Okay, maybe a little. But I’m glad that they also gave appropriate footwear and gear for the characters.

But my goodness, that pull-up challenge took me fifty minutes! It wasn’t even in the original! And the trophy did not feel worth it after how difficult Jules was. Never again!

Then the characters also called me out for going in the wrong direction. I’m not! I’m trying to explore every nook and cranny of this world Square-Enix has bequeathed us and to find as many items as I can find!

The combat, though, was the one that had the most changes. Gone is the turn-based battle system. While players can play on classic, according to my friend Bleachpanda, it was less than exciting. Particularly when the AI just stood around guarding most of the time. As for me, I played on Normal Mode. The battle mechanics felt like they used bits and pieces from other games: such as Final Fantasy XV and Final Fantasy XIII. It also incorporated elements of the original Active Time Battle system, but I found it frustrating that all of my more powerful abilities, and even items, were gated behind a slowly rising bar - particularly for the AI-controlled party members. Of course, Final Fantasy VII Remake also allowed players to switch between members and I found I had to do this on a fairly regular basis depending on the battle.

Also, your ATB abilities, spells and item usages could also be interrupted. This proved particularly frustrating in difficult battles where I was hoping to take advantage of an enemy’s weakness, only to be batted to the side because of an air attack.

It also felt, on numerous fights, that I had to think of these battles less like a turn-based battle and more like an action adventure, hack and slash. Instead of just absorbing spells and attacks, I needed to evade and guard. This was clearly evident in several solo battles with Roche and even Rufus Shinra. I had to read attack patterns, avoid some of their deadly moves and strike when they had an opening. All the while, trying to keep my ATB gauge up and ready for some quick healing or spell casting.

Let’s move on now to the characters and the story. But where to begin? How about the ending that proved incredibly divisive among many fans. My friend, Bleachpanda, was sorely disappointed by the presence of the Whispers and how the last two chapters transpired. She, unlike me, had been banking on nostalgia to pull her and was more excited to seeing the original recreated in perfect high definition. If you read her posts on Final Fantasy VII Remake you will learn that she was mightily disappointed that how Cloud manages to obtain his dress was very different (although she probably still liked our ex-Soldier shaking his tush on stage. Heck, I think everyone was channelling Aerith and shouting at our screens for Cloud to work it).

The whole talk of destiny and changing fate, though, probably left many fearing that the rest of the Final Fantasy VII Remake would be a very different beast from their childhoods. What with talk about alternate timelines and the possibility of time travel. As well as that last parting shot of Zack Fair. In fact, there are plenty of videos on YouTube that try to explain the ending.

Now, I profess, time travel has always sat ill with me. And Square-Enix has not always used it well. The first Bravely Default comes to mind as does Kingdom Hearts 3 and the time loops of Type-0. Or even what they tried to do with the Final Fantasy XIII franchise. All those retcons in FFXIII-2 made me wonder if it was all worth it. Lightning’s character development in the first game was all but forgotten and rehashed over Lightning Returns. Still, as this was mostly penned by the original writer (though people will still blame Nomura), I feel like much of the motivations and several story beats will remain the same. The settings will also not change and I am eager to see Cosmo Canyon, Nibelheim, Junon and so many other places.

In saying that, though, I’m not sure if Aerith will die. Or if she does, whether it will have the same shocking effect that it did in the original. Of course, by now, everyone and their mothers know what to expect and perhaps this was a way for Square Enix to keep players on their toes. What about Cloud falling into the Lifestream and Tifa trying to sort out his memories from the false persona he created? The slap fight between Tifa and Scarlet? My friend, Bleachpanda, just wants to see Professor Hojo surrounded by girls that are trying to flirt with him. Who knows. It might happen. Or it might not. Hence why so many are terrified at the direction of the new games.

The rest of the narrative, however, proved just as exciting with a few little additions along the way. Sephiroth appearing, though, in the second chapter threw me for a loop, even though I appreciated the foreshadowing. Chapter 4 was all devoted to learning and bonding more with the other members of Avalanche. I very much liked their expanded roles, although casting Gideon Emery as Biggs was a bit of a distraction as I could clearly hear his Balthier trying to break through, particularly in the earlier scenes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Balthier. And Biggs is quite good looking himself.

This whole Midgar portion of the game also remained mostly faithful to the original Final Fantasy VII and its timeline. It also made things a little more realistic and showed fans of the original, more sides of the characters they had come to love. Also, I like that despite the love triangle being set up between Cloud, Tifa and Aerith, there was a strong sense of camaraderie among the girls. They lifted each other up rather than tear each other down. Even Jessie was trying to get in on the action with all the flirting she did. In fact, I just wanted to ship Aerith and Tifa for the long haul.

What I also thought cute was the little swear the left Aerith’s lips when the ladder fell and Cloud had to help lift her up. It was also comical to see Cloud try to pull his Buster Sword out when confronted by one of the other Sephiroth clones and having it catch on the door jam.

Barret, on the other hand, was a little preachy in the first few chapters. There can be no denying his love for Marlene, but it grated on me how much exposition he provided on the train ride back to Sector 7. Still, once we finally get into the meat of the games, I would love to see all their backstories, cry when appropriate and cheer for them when they finally emerge victorious.

I also liked many of the environmental story telling. Particularly in Chapter 2 and seeing the aftermath of what Avalanche’s actions had done. Granted, Heidegger and President Shinra had a hand in it, but it was clear that Jessie and many others were devastated by the damage they had wrought. It was also gut-wrenching to see the remains of Sector 7 after the plate fell. Reeve, in the form of Cait Sith, tried and failed to save the people and even though he was controlling an animatronic cat, you could still see his devastation.

Overall, I have to say that I enjoyed my time with Final Fantasy VII Remake. By the time the game ended, I felt a little bereft, wanting to see more of each character and really dive down deep into their psych. Just like before, Tifa is much more reticent and closed off. It warmed my heart that in Hojo’s lab, Aerith asked Tifa if she was okay. As someone who is also similarly guarded, it’s good to know that someone else cares. Red XIII was also a great addition in the last two chapters, though it was a shame we could not play as him.

The ending might have left a sour taste in the mouths of many, but I know that I, for one, am eager to see where the unknown journey takes us next and seeing old familiar faces. We still have Cid, Yuffie and Vincent to find! Also, Marlene is so cute and precious and must be protected at all costs.

#video games #final fantasy vii: remake #FFVII #Final Fantasy

6 notes · View notes

avoutput · 5 years ago

Text

Final Fantasy VII Legacy || Memories of a Great Storm

Legacies take shape before you, around you, through you, and beyond you. As incredible as it might be to be the subject of a legacy, the true strength of a legacy is how it builds you up. When you are young and finding yourself, the building process is a ride, a rumbling beneath your feet, wet clouds in the sky above your head. When a legacy is forming, there are signs that you are still too young to see, but you can feel it. It beckons to you, wanting you to be a part of it. You want to stand at the shore of its coming alongside all the others who want to feel the waves at their feet. Like all storms, everything has to be just right. And like a tree falling in the woods, someone has to be there to witness it, to tell its tale, and in doing so, this tale becomes woven into you. Because it isn’t just the storm, the waves, the quaking that makes the legacy, it’s the people who survive that keep it alive. Final Fantasy VII was for me, this great storm.

The first time I played Final Fantasy VII was on the floor of my cousin’s room on Christmas day. Every tsunami starts as a ripple. I didn’t have a Playstation. In fact, despite reading multiple gaming magazines, I must have glazed past it, because I had never even heard of it. I was too blinded by the Nintendo 64 and its legacy. I went from a Nintendo baby to a Sega kid between console generations, and I missed out on a lot of the SNES until the end of its life cycle. I didn’t want to miss out again, so I put on blinders and put in a parental request for the N64. You can imagine my surprise when FF7’s opening cinematic played out on a tiny tube tv. The ripples became waves and the ocean began to move. When I started playing, I wasn’t even sure what was happening, who anyone was, and how there could have been 6 other games I had never played. My cousin was trying to explain the concept to me, but I couldn’t hear him. I just wanted more. But, it was Christmas day, and in my family, that meant family time. Work. Maybe a slightly unique aspect of my family, but Christmas presents were opened at night around the entire extended family. The middle-kids were responsible for passing out all of the gifts to every other member of the family, and this was a long and painful process, especially for an 11 year old. Once everyone was finished, the middle kids opened their gifts in front of everyone. And even though I hadn’t asked for it, all I could think of was how much I wanted one of those boxes to be a Playstation. Not only did I not have any luck with that, I also didn’t get longer than 30 minutes with the game. Instead, every moment was punctuated by familial obligation. I went home unhappy, unsatisfied, my mind never left Midgar. I took a step further from the shore, deeper into the water.

The internet was still young and so was I. The best I could do, the best I could find, was fan pages and old magazines with little information. I absorbed as much as I could, but color pages and chibi gif animations of the FF7 crew just couldn’t cut it. But in all of the noise, there was some news. They were making a PC port of FF7. Alarm bells. Surely my 2 year-old desktop would be too far behind to play the game. My dreams felt again dashed. Through all of this, my obsession made my mother vaguely happy in a roundabout way. The desktop background of the living room PC was Tifa, and her big breasts helped my mother believe I wasn’t as gay as her earlier impressions, a conspiracy theory of her own making. To this day, she still makes jokes about Tifa. The only thing that would have only made her happier is if she was black. Anyway, the world had caught on to Final Fantasy, and I wanted to be a part of it. But when you’re 11, time is much more of a key to gaining something, it has to pass for anything to happen. As an adult, you can make things happen, but kids, they need an angle. A hard angle. That usually means you need the parents to come through, but they need to be unwitting participants in your obsession, pawns in your game.

Luckily, my dad was KING PAWN. My father, always the type to want to be on the cutting edge, bought us (himself) a laptop. This was out of nowhere, no prodding or manipulation, and while his claims for having bought the machine for work and school were dubious at best, I went with it. And with that came the specs I would need to play the PC version. But there was a catch. Christmas had passed and my birthday was in the fall, months from our current Spring. There wasn’t a free pass in sight. No amount of chores would fill my coffers and quell the storm in my heart. I need another rube. But with Spring came green. Money right out of the ground. My best friend had a lawn mower and I had a plan. Get this, what if we mowed lawns… for money? Bam! Winning ticket. There were one million old ladies and lads dying to give money to cute kids dragging a lawnmower from house to house. After mowing what felt like one thousand lawns, I was able to buy a copy. The storm was becoming a hurricane.

It was time to monopolize my dad’s new toy. Like most of his new toys, if it wasn’t a paperback book, he spent barely any time with it after a few weeks, so it worked in my favor. As fast as childhood actually passes, to children, the relative perception of time’s passing is slower than an adult’s. The more they want something, the longer it takes to manifest. Mix that with a negatively polarized Murphy’s Law, and you get your worst scenario; a computer that can run the first few hours, but crashes during certain enemy moves. This is where we meet the eye of the storm. My resolve is broken, my will shattered. How will I ever play this game? A million years passed (about a week), and that is when I realized my closest friend had gotten a new computer that last Christmas. A proper desktop model, in his own bedroom. It hadn’t occurred to me to bring the game to his house because PC games required an install and I couldn’t just bring the game home and continue my save file whenever I felt like it. Still, that next weekend, like every weekend, we had a sleepover, and for the third time, I started the game over. I took the game as slowly and methodically this time as I had before. The eye of the storm was slipping past. I was able to pass the Sector 5 Slum to Sector 6 tunnel I had gotten stuck in at home. By that time, I was the only one left awake. As I neared the top of the Shinra building, I could feel the storm in my heart reaching a fever pitch. I was so close. I saved Aeris, met Red XIII, beat Rufus, and sat in awe as Cloud rolled down the stairs on a thundering motorcycle. My heart was racing as I took out enemies to save my allies until there was no more road left. I was so excited, I was at the edge of Midgar. As I punished the highway monstrosity between me and my escape, the storm was beginning to calm, and then, turning red, he melted down and exploded in Final Fantasy fashion. And I had done it. My characters were free. The game was over. To be continued in Final Fantasy 8. RIght?

The hurricane died down, the characters begin to discuss their next steps. At this point, I have been playing around 9 hours straight. It was about 2 or 3 AM. I was just beginning to resign myself to take to a pillow and pad on the floor. But then the earth beneath the sea began to move and the waves began to take shape once again. And then, suddenly and with no provocation, the city of Midgar became a mere fraction of its size and Cloud became a giant. The world had shrunk and in the distance the curvature of the world could be seen. I began to move around and enemies appeared on my path. The waves miles of shore had become the size of skyscrapers. All at once I realized that it wasn’t the end. There was more. So much more. It wouldn’t be Final Fantasy 8 until I beat Sephiroth. There were 2 other discs. What was I thinking? Of course there was more. But why did it take so long to get here, to find more. I was bamboozled by the sights and sounds of Midgar, sung a sirens song by Avalanche and Shinra, and believed my mission would take shape and be completed inside the walls of some slums in some city that surely didn’t make up the entire world. Sephiroth and Shinra were a threat to the world, not just the people of this city. That was when the tidal wave met the shore. A tsunami of realization. A whole new identity was consuming me.

In the calm of the wave that had consumed me, weightless in my memories, my brain started making connections. My cousin introduced me to manga like Dragon Ball and Akira. I had grown up on a steady diet of Mario Bros, Sailor Moon, Sonic the Hedgehog, not to mention the growing phenom Pokemon. He told me all these animated dreamscapes came from Japan. A friend of mine showed me Final Fantasy III on his SNES, but it didn’t excite me like Link to the Past or Mario Kart. Cloud was not in Final Fantasy III as far as I could remember, but I had missed the other installments in between. And the world didn’t look at all similar. Who made this game? Squaresoft? I’ve never played a genuine Nintendo game on a computer before. But this came out on Playstation. What is happening? Oh, Sephiroth put a tree through a snake. Maybe all of these things are Japanese? My cousin told me Sega and Nintendo were from Japan. Wow, that is a big cannon and now I have to march and get on a boat? How much longer could this game be? I could feel myself getting tired. This is a nice beach town. What time is it? I have to get to the Golden Saucer next. A tap on my shoulder, sun in my eyes, my friend says, “Dude, you are still awake? Did you play all night?”

My eyes were open. The tidal wave had passed and I was baptised a whole new person. I was awake floating on a sea of my own consciousness. The next 10 years of my life would be shaped by RPG’s, Anime, Manga, Computers, D&D, and Cinema. Nerd Culture. I found a whole new person after playing Final Fantasy VII. It put together pieces that had been lying scattered, shaping a fan, a creative, and a more curious soul. I would challenge peers to try these new experiences, hoping it would awaken them the way it had me. I hadn’t realized that what awoke me was the perfect storm yet and that for most people, they wouldn’t be able to experience it the same way I had. I was able to find comradery in my closest friends and all of these cultural touchstones bound us even to this day. Final Fantasy VII’s legacy, maybe all legacies, aren’t just the collective experiences of having been a part of its success, but in the lives that were shaped around it; we are the base at which the monument stands. It’s legacy is strengthened by those who survived the storm and it continues to thrive because it was the perfect storm. A storm that still draws people in. A great storm that never died. A story we all still tell.

#Articles #Final Fantasy VII #Final Fantasy 7 #Final Fantasy #Final Fantasy 7 Remake #Final Fantasy VII Remake #Retrospective #Storm #Huricane #Earthquake #Tsunami #Anime #Manga #Japan #Japanese #JRPG #RPG #D&D

1 note · View note

dawnblxde · 5 years ago

Text

[Kingdom Hearts 3 Review]

Welp I’ve finally done it, finally played and finished KH3! - After intentionally delaying doing so with my day one copy after finding out for some silly reason - it lacked multiple world visits for development sake and had no Final Fantasy characters - so I decided to finish the games I was in the middle of then replay the entire KH franchise, except the ones you could watch. Gonna leave my thoughts below. Just in case there are those out there still trying to avoid legit spoilers!

There were good and bad elements to this game.. Plenty of my experience that I enjoyed, but I believe more so that I didn’t - which made me want to pull out my hair. But I like my head shaved, so that wouldn’t work lol I liked the graphics, beautiful but I knew a PS3 could handle them as the quality of Woody in this game was the same as him in Toy Story 3 (2010 Video Game). Enjoyed the gameplay, though it felt like a flawed, floaty and broken version of Kingdom Heart’s 2 near perfect improvement of Kingdom Heart’s gameplay. A problem was the fact that in the first two main games, even when I was level 50-60′s - I always felt like I could DIE. It was always a fear during major combat moments. I had to concentrate so much just to be successful. Even if I tried to be a higher level then recommending through grinding. I never felt like that in KH3, every moment was such a cake walk. Even the final battle. Did they even try. Regardless, I had a good time with the gameplay and the visuals. But I wasn’t as drawn in as previous games. It did the game no favors and was a massive flaw, it lacking Final Fantasy characters. We should of been able to explore Radiant Garden or had other worlds relevant to FF characters. They were really important to Sora’s development as a Keyblade wielder. Cloud and Squall for sure. Sora wouldn’t be who he is if he hadn’t encountered and spoke to them. They’d of been useful in multiple sequences. We deserved the next part to Cloud’s issues with Sephiroth. That wasn’t resolved. See how Squall/Leon and the others reacted and dealt with what was going on at Radiant Garden. They’re capable of other world travel, seeing how they’d react to some of the new worlds would of been great as well. Nomura confirmed the only Noctis he’d put in KH was his Noctis. Versus XIII Noctis. And interest in doing so. Yet he wasn’t in the game, when as an Anti-Hero of both light and darkness would of been interesting. Seeing he’d take neither side. Also has important factors in common with Rapunzel and Elsa. Seeing them relating over this would of been nice. The lack off FF adds to factors that make KH3 be disappointing experience - along with an enjoyable one. One of the things that still makes KH2 the best. Was how awesome it was to watch the Final Fantasy characters and Disney characters team up in the battle of 1000 Heartless. One of the best aspects about the franchise is the concept of it being a FF x Disney - a Final Fantasy and Disney collaboration. Multiple visits were really needed. Some of the worlds were quite enjoyable and not frustrating. But they all have different percentages of feeling rushed and not fleshed out enough due to one visit. And some annoyingly treated Sora like he didn’t matter. Just acted like making you watch rushed unfinished version’s of the original Disney movies. Sora’s just there like. Oh look, it’s Sora over there! Hi Sora! You don’t matter here! Shouldn’t be like that. The Disney characters should be well blended into the Kingdom Hearts plot and Sora in the plot of the Disney world. The story made me feel emotional, I enjoyed all the Kingdom Hearts parts, even if I felt some of them were rushed or not written well. Tears did leave my eyes. I liked how Aqua didn’t actually give into Darkness, it was Ansem’s fault. I liked the reunion, final battle sequences and all the stuff leading up to it. My favorite parts to praise are the deaths of all Org 13 members, each made me feel emotional and I wanted to see those character’s again reborn. Not so much young Xeraxnort. But Ansem and Xemnas? Oh the feels there, they were strong. I clapped. I felt there could be more with Larxene in the game in general, including her end. Luxord’s! Clap, really want him to come back and play cards with Sora. Riku Replica’s was great too. Both Riku Replica’s. Marluxa’s.. Vanitas’s was disappointing. However, these great moments aren’t enough for me to forgive those disrespected by this game. The one’s from the worlds you could visit. I’ll get to the unforgivable bits last. Toy Story’s new story and world were great. I loved exploring that world and playing through it. The development was great. Only flaw was what they did with Buzz, he’s stronger character then they take him for. He wouldn’t lose himself to the Darkness. Otherwise, everything was great. Pretty sure it’s my favorite. Hercules’s world was the level of quality I expected! It was decent, I miss the goddamn tournament's, Phil’s voice - but I did love the exploration of his city and meeting his father! Shame no boss fight with Hades's, they’re great and fun! Twilight Town sucked! I liked seeing the gang again, Uncle Scrooge and little chef. But that doesn’t make up for the fact that more then half of Twilight Town is cut and it doesn’t look like the same place! I liked exploring the entire world, not just a portion of it. Monsters Inc’s sequel to the first film with that world experience was great! I had a blast! I always wanted to see Sully’s reunion with Boo! It wasn’t perfect, but I had a good time! Pirates of Caribbean felt like it changed things from it’s canon, but it was an emotional blast! Jack Sparrow scenes and Will scenes, it was just great! The Big Hero 6 world! Oh it was great! It was emotional to lost Baymax in the film, to get him back was great! Kinda sucked to not see the big brother come back, but they’re saving that version of events for the sequel. Two Baymax’s. The only thing I didn’t like was how the whole cast was shrunk. Best example being Honey should of been taller then Jack Sparrow’s model, but she wasn’t. These worlds could of really done with multiple visits. Even more so the three left, that were wronged and disrespected. Don’t try to praise/defend what was done to them, they deserved better. Winne the Pooh deserved better. I liked not having to collect Torn Pages, but even if you didn’t have to. In the previous games, The Winnie the Pooh worlds lasted about an hour or so doing all the activities, helping out all Pooh Bear’s friends - stuff like that. Then you have KH3′s version, which is less then 20 minutes, doing the same activity three times. That was awful. Pooh’s universe deserved better. We deserved better. This is a massive flaw. Can’t forgive this. I love Pooh Bear. Now, as someone who love’s Rapunzel, not fond of how they treated her world either. It was basically the movie with bits cut out and skipped. She hardly interacted with Kingdom Hearts lore, Sora hardly stuck around her. It was just like. Now and then, Sora’s there. Why were they so scared of showing Rapunzel kissing Flynn? There were so many moments Sora should of got to interact with? Where were the two bad guy twins? Rapunzel just generally deserved better in this game. Last but not least, Frozen. Probably the worst world in the game. Because you spend most of it just falling off mountains. They hardly let Sora interact with Elsa or Anna. Or left them get involved in Kingdom Hearts lore. Sora would of been able to relate well to Elsa if they let it happen. You can’t explore the palace, Han’s has no lines and you’re forced to listen to Let It Go again with Sora basically just there. Like hi Sora! All I liked was Snow guard getting more of a role. Don’t even get to explore the city. Just the snowy place. No real development, it’s like - what was the point? There really was none. Why did we go there? Why was Larxene there? Elsa and Anna deserved better then this. Also while not all Disney worlds could of returned in KH3, due to their stories being settled. A lot definitely could! Also, Kairi deserved better then pretty much being a plot device, hardly getting development at all just to go poof. And the idea that Sora’s sacrifice to get her back doesn’t lead to the priority of everyone to find and/or bring him back somehow instead of chilling. Just made the whole ending sequence an OOC moment for me.

Verdict!

Kingdom Hearts 3 is a decent game and fun experience, but it’s also a flawed mess. Like handling in a English report that gets a low C and just barely hits the passing grade. It is not the worst in the franchise, but Kingdom Hearts 2 easily beats it and so does Kingdom Hearts, the original one. Funner to play then Dream Drop Distance, Chain Of Memories, Recoded and the Roxas focused game! But the rest defeat it! I have no interest in a new game plus, roleplay wise I intend to amend the flaws. The Disney worlds that were wronged will get justice. Add back Final Fantasy and the missing Disney worlds. Make it what it should of been! I had a good time, I really did. But once was enough. After finishing, it now shocks me that an amount of people I can count on just one of my hands tried to either tell me KH3 was good enough or superior to all the other games, even KH2. My assumption now is, they hadn’t recently played the other games before playing 3, were lost in Nostagla or something else was going on. Just how.. How could this possibly beat the two other main titles? The only thing superior is the more then three team mates tbh. xD

7/10

I really feel like I’m being generous here, but if I went lower then I’d think I was being too harsh. It’s not FFXV and Bound by Flame 5/10 quality, but it’s certainly not The Walking Dead (by Tellale) and The Last of Us 9/10 quality. So this will have to do. Nomura, I strongly advise you to look back at Kingdom Hearts 2 and what made it so great, before you work on your next main title.

#ooc #jesus it took me ages to write this

5 notes · View notes

splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago

Link

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough.

Chapter Summary: Natsu helps Gray plan for the future. Joel gets jealous, and Gray daydreams about what could have been. .

Chapters (14/22): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 ] 14 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

** TW for abuse and implied noncon

-----

i wanna come home to you

long·ing | \ ˈlȯŋ-iŋ noun : a strong desire, especially for something unattainable

xiii september .

Fall comes, and with it, believable excuses for long-sleeved shirts and scarves. Joel’s work gets busier, so while he’s angry more often, he also spends a lot more time at the office and leaves Gray alone.

Gray spends most of the free time picking up extra shifts at the restaurant. Joel hadn’t let him leave the apartment for over a week after he’d bruised Gray’s face, and Gray had almost lost his job. Lucy vouching for him being ‘sick’ had been the only thing that had convinced Jeremy to keep him, so now Gray’s determined to make up the missing hours.

The other benefit of Joel working more is that it leaves Gray with more time to talk to Natsu. When Gray’s calling card had run out of minutes, they’d both downloaded Skype. Seeing Natsu’s blurry face on the phone screen for the first time had been a terrifying relief.

“You should pack up a bag,” Natsu says one afternoon near the end of September. They’re both lying on their beds while they chat, and Gray can see Natsu’s cat Happy curled up beside him. Natsu looks content, but his voice is serious.

“Why?” Gray asks, even though he knows exactly what Natsu means.

Natsu gives Gray a look. “I know you can’t leave,” he says, “but what if you wanted to, one day? Or you had to?”

Gray presses his face into the pillow, letting the idea float through his mind. It seems so easy when they talk, and there have been a few times where Gray has been this close to asking Natsu to come get him.

But then Joel comes home with Gray’s favorite coffee, or takes him out for dinner, or tells Gray he loves him, and Gray feels so guilty. He has to stay. Joel needs him.

“What would I put in it?” Gray asks eventually, peeking up at Natsu.

“Your license,” Natsu says immediately. Gray has a feeling he’s rehearsed this. “Any paperwork you have – birth certificate, or name change paperwork, things like that.”

“Joel has all that at work,” Gray says dully, hugging the pillow to his stomach. “I have an ID, but I don’t have a license.”

“Okay, your ID then,” Natsu says. “Do you have anything with your name on it? Your health care card? SIN card?”

Gray shakes his head, refusing to look at the screen. “Joel keeps it all.” He feels so small and stupid. “Everything’s under his name.”

Natsu sighs, and Gray can see him petting Happy out the corner of his eye. “What about a bank card? Credit card?”

“I don’t have anything,” Gray says, trying to push down the hot flush that’s creeping up his cheeks. “He has it all.” He finally looks up at Natsu again. “There’s no point. I can’t leave.”

Continue reading on AO3

If he leaves, everything will fall apart. He’ll have nothing – no money, no home, no insurance to pay for his meds. He’ll lose Bella and his job and the life he’s built.

“If I ever had to run out of the house,” Natsu says slowly, “like, if it was on fire or something, right? I’d grab Happy. My keys, my phone. Probably the scarf from my dad.” He scratches behind Happy’s ears. “That picture of us.”

Gray’s quiet for a long time. He still has that picture, buried in the back of one of his textbooks that’s collecting dust in the bottom of their closet.

“I… have a favorite sweater,” Gray says eventually, picking at a thread in the comforter. “A-and a travel mug I really like.” He feels Bella flop down on the bed next to him and he turns to look at her. “I, um… I think Bella’s adoption certificate from the shelter has my name on it. It might be in my email.”

Natsu nods, giving Gray an encouraging smile. “What else?”

“My, um, my meds. And a phone charger,” Gray adds. He looks around the room, but he’s not attached to anything here. “Jeremy at work, he—I get a paystub every couple weeks. Joel takes them usually, but… I could make a copy?”

“That sounds good,” Natsu says. “What about some clothes?”

They spend the next hour talking about what to pack, and over the next few days, Gray manages to collect everything in an old gym bag of Joel’s. On Friday he brings it to work and hides it in his locker.

He tries hard not to think too hard about what it means.

-----

“What’s your deal with that cop?”

It’s Friday evening, and Gray and Joel are sitting on the couch, flipping through Netflix while they wait for the pizza to arrive.

Gray looks over at Joel, who keeps flipping back and forth between movies without really looking at anything. He’s been in a bad mood all evening, so Gray’s stayed carefully quiet, playing Tetris on his phone and agreeing with whatever Joel says.

“What do you mean?” Gray asks carefully.

“The blond one,” Joel says. “Always hanging out at the restaurant. Seems like he’s into you.”

Gray stills, watching the Tetris shape fall into the wrong place, blocking the other pieces until they pile up and reach the top of the screen.

“He’s just a regular,” Gray says, watching the words Game Over flash at him across the screen. “Usually Lucy serves him, not me.”

Joel looks over at Gray as he turns the TV off, then sets the remote on the coffee table. Gray’s mind races as he desperately tries to think of what to say to calm Joel down.

“Don’t lie to me,” Joel says quietly.

“H-his name’s Sting,” Gray says, looking back down at his phone. The screen’s gone dark. “I... he’s friendly. The precinct is close to the restaurant, I—there’s nothing, he’s just a customer.”

“I saw how he looked at you today,” Joel says, shaking his head. Gray bites the inside of his cheek, keeping his eyes down. Joel had picked him up from work today, and Gray knows that Sting was watching when Joel had taken Gray’s tips, then grabbed his arm to lead him out to the car.

“He’s engaged,” Gray says, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s only made things worse.

“How do you know that?” Joel demands. “Thought he was ‘just a customer.’” He moves closer to Gray on the sofa, and Gray flinches, but Joel reaches out and grabs his wrist, taking his phone away.

“He brought his fiancé in one day, that’s all,” Gray says as quietly as possible. “I’m not—I just do my job.”

“What, your job involves flirting with other men now?” Joel demands.

Gray shakes his head. “N-no, I—”

“Shut up.” Joel lets go of Gray’s wrist and flips through his phone instead. Gray watches Joel scroll through his texts, then flip to his e-mail.

After a few terrifying minutes, Joel sighs and drops Gray’s phone back on the table.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he says, rubbing his face. “Work’s been a lot lately. I didn’t mean to get mad.”

Gray relaxes incrementally. “Is… can I do anything?” he asks. He’s tried everything to keep Joel happy – cleaning, cooking, making coffee, being quiet. Maybe there’s something he’s missing.

Joel reaches over and runs his hand up Gray’s thigh, then leans in and says, “there might be something.” His voice is low and Gray knows he’s going for sensual, but it makes Gray nauseous. A cold, uncomfortable feeling creeps up the back of his neck.

Joel slides his hand further up, slipping it under Gray’s shirt and shifting closer. Gray closes his eyes, biting his tongue so hard that he tastes blood.

He doesn’t want this.

“C’mon, baby,” Joel murmurs, bringing his other hand up to Gray’s hair and leaning in for a kiss. Gray lets him, trying his hardest not to tense up under Joel’s touch. Ever since the drunken night with Natsu, things with Joel haven’t been the same. Whenever Gray closes his eyes, it’s Natsu’s hands touching him, Natsu’s lips on his neck, Natsu’s body pressing against him.

Joel’s about to pull Gray into his lap when there’s a knock on the door, and Bella races out of the bedroom, barking. The pizza. Gray nearly breathes a sigh of relief.

Joel pulls back from Gray, squeezing his hip before standing up and reaching for his wallet. As he walks out of the living room, Gray wraps his arms tightly around himself and closes his eyes, taking several deep breaths to calm the way his heart’s pounding in his chest.

Joel reappears a minute later, dropping the pizza on the coffee table and sliding back onto the couch. He brushes his fingers across Gray’s cheek and grabs his hips again.

“Now,” he says, voice low in Gray’s ear. “Where were we?”

-----

Gray calls Natsu as soon as Joel leaves for work the next morning.

“What happened?” Natsu asks as soon as he answers. Gray doesn’t say anything, just props the phone up against the headboard and buries his face in the pillow. “Gray?”

He shakes his head.

“Are you okay?” Natsu asks, and Gray can hear the worry in his voice.

Gray’s not sure how to answer. Joel didn’t hit him, but it still hurts. His whole body feels heavy and his skin itches, and it’s hard to open his eyes.

“Gray, please, look at me,” Natsu says gently. “I need to know you’re not hurt.”

“’m okay,” Gray whispers, lifting his head up and rubbing his face before looking at Natsu. “Just tired.”

“What did he do to you?” Natsu asks, and he looks like he’s going to cry.

“I… nothing,” Gray says, sitting up slowly and hugging the pillow to his chest. “I’m not hurt. Promise.”

Natsu studies him intently – it’s hard to catch all his expressions through the crappy connection, but Gray has every part of Natsu’s face memorized. He knows that Natsu gets freckles in the summer, and that there’s a tiny scar under his lip, and that when he laughs, his eyes crinkle and he gets dimples that Gray loves to kiss.

Loved to kiss.

Gray shakes his head and presses his face to the pillow again. “I miss you,” he whispers. “I wish…” He doesn’t want to cry, but he can’t seem to stop it from happening, and he bites the sound down until his shoulders are shaking.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Natsu asks. Gray shakes his head. “Fucking hell… Gray, please, talk to me. I’m scared for you.”

“I can’t,” Gray whispers, wiping his eyes. “I w-want…” He looks up at Natsu, and for just a second, pictures himself in Natsu’s arms. Feels Natsu holding him, kissing his forehead, rubbing his back, wiping his tears.

“Are you alone?” Natsu asks. Gray nods, taking a shaky breath. “I don’t think you should be. Do you have anybody that can come be with you?”

Gray shakes his head. I want to be with you, he thinks.

“Do you want me to call Sting? He can—”

“No,” Gray says quickly, thinking of Joel’s jealous glare and the bruises on his hips. “Please, no.”

“Gray,” Natsu whispers, and he brings the phone closer to himself, as if it would bring Gray closer to him too. “Listen to me, love. You deserve to be happy. Joel is abusing you. He hurts you and makes you afraid – you shouldn’t be scared of somebody you love.”

I know, Gray thinks.

“I…” He’s so close to saying it. So close to asking, to telling Natsu he’s ready to leave this all behind. But it’s terrifying and too much, so instead he says, “can you… can we just talk? About… whatever, it doesn’t matter, I just…”

“Yeah,” Natsu says immediately, voice gentle. “Of course, yeah. Did I tell you about the Halloween party I’m going to?”

-----

They talk for a long time, and when they finally hang up, they both whisper I love you before the picture cuts out. Gray stares at the screen for a long time, then turns the phone off and shoves it back in the table drawer, covering it with a book and some old receipts. Then he curls up on the bed, wrapping his arm around one of the pillows and pressing his face against it.

I love you.

The guilt washes over Gray like it always does, and he lets it hurt. He feels like throwing up because those words are supposed to be for Joel and only Joel. But when Gray says them to Joel, they don’t feel the same.

With Joel, I love you feels like please don’t hurt me.

With Natsu, I love you feels like you’re safe.

Gray remembers the first time he told Natsu he loved him. They’d been dating for three months – it was almost Halloween and Natsu had been lying on Gray’s bed, waving his hands in the air as he talked about costume ideas. His eyes had been bright and his smile had been so wide and sweet, and Gray had leaned over and kissed him, whispering I love you against his lips.

Natsu had immediately said it back, running his fingers through Gray’s hair and rolling them over until he could press Gray into the bed and kiss him all over.

Gray wonders what his life would be like now if Natsu hadn’t left. The thought has crossed his mind before, but he’s never let himself really think about it. It hurts too much, and Gray’s not supposed to want.

Gray curls up tighter, and when he closes his eyes, he sees a house – something small and comfortable and far away from here. Natsu’s cooking pancakes in the kitchen, wearing a stupid apron that has some silly pun written across the front of it. He’s humming along to whatever is playing on the radio, and when he turns to look at Gray, his smile is just as wide as when Gray had first said, “I love you.”

A warm, contented feeling spreads through Gray’s chest, and in the daydream, he reaches out for Natsu, taking both his hands and pulling him close. Natsu kisses Gray's cheek, brushes his hair from his eyes, wraps his hands around Gray’s waist and starts to dance.

You deserve to be happy. Natsu’s words drift through Gray’s mind, and his stomach twists again. He’s abusing you.

Gray takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and peeking over at the bedroom door before whispering, “Joel is… abusive.” He immediately squeezes his eyes shut, holding the pillow tight against him as he lets the words settle. He’s never said it before. Even when Natsu asks, Gray never says the words out loud.

“Joel hurts me,” he tries again, voice so quiet that Bella, who is sleeping beside him, doesn’t stir. “He shouldn’t hit me.”

Something shifts in his chest. The knots are still there, but it’s different, somehow. He wishes he understood what it meant.

“I shouldn’t be scared,” he says quietly. “I deserve to be happy.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #ftlgbtpride2019 #day 16 #gratsu #natray #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #update #new chapter #tw abuse #prompt #my fic

4 notes · View notes

freyayuki · 2 years ago

Text

Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia The Power of Wisdom Banner

The The Power of Wisdom event and banner just appeared in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game.

The The Power of Wisdom banner features the following chars and their weapons:

Noel Kreiss from Final Fantasy XIII-2 - Burst or BT only

Queen from Final Fantasy Type-0 - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Cater from Final Fantasy Type-0 - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Fran from Final Fantasy XII - 15cp, 35cp, and Ex

The only weapons I’m missing on this banner are Cater’s Ex and LD. She’ll be nice to have, but not really all that interested in her so couldn’t justify using gems on this banner.

However, I am really interested in getting more copies of Queen’s Ex. That’s because when fully maxed and Purpled, it gives a D Sphere called Break Hit Attack Boost All Shorter. Its effect is:

When inflicting Break or attacking target afflicted with Break: • Raises party’s MAX BRV, ATK by 5% for 3 turns

Already have like 2 or 3 dupes of Queen’s Ex but more is always welcome. And, IIRC, already got 2 of Queen’s Spheres.

One went to Yuna from Final Fantasy X.

The second went to Ace from Final Fantasy Type-0 (#ad).

Currently have 882 tickets on hand. Planning to toss a couple hundred on this banner but don’t want to use all of them.

Hoping to luck into a few copies of Queen’s Ex as well as my first copies of Cater’s Ex and Cater’s LD.

Got the usual bronze and silver trash as well as a few gold dupes. Too bad the dupes didn’t include Queen’s Ex, at least not yet. Then, a bit later on, I got a gold orb.

This one gave me my very first copy of Cater’s LD. Nice! Pretty pleased to see this.

Now I just need her Ex as well as a dupe or 2 of Queen’s then I can be done with this banner. Still have 812 tickets left when Cater’s LD showed up.

A bit later on, I got a gold orb which gave me Cater’s Ex. I honestly thought this was my first copy but when I tapped on the weapon to take a closer look, I found out that not only do I already have a copy, I’d apparently gotten more than enough to be able to fully MLB said weapon.

Welp, totally don’t remember that happening at all. I guess it’s ‘cause I've never really used Cater. Haven’t really built her at all.

Now that I’m thinking about it some more though, maybe I got copies of Cater’s Ex while I was pulling for Queen way back during Queen’s debut banner.

Have 792 tickets left when Cater’s Ex showed up. Since I now have everything on this banner, it’s kinda hard to justify continuing to toss tickets here.

Sure, I’d like more copies of Queen’s Ex but I already have 3 dupes and wouldn’t it be better to use my tickets on a banner where I have the chance to get a new LD or Burst or something?

Queen should come back on a banner again eventually. I could try pulling for her again on that future banner. Besides, right now, I don’t know who I want to give her Sphere to anyway.

Update: I have been using my free single daily draw on this banner in the hopes of lucking into more dupes of Queen’s Ex. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t meant to be. The one time I got a gold orb, I ended up with a dupe of Cater’s LD. Sigh.

Cater from Final Fantasy Type-0

Spent the Power Stones needed to MLB Cater’s LD. Realized her Ex to Ex+ 0/3. Completed all of her Summon Boards. Ignored her Char Boards for now.

Took her to a fight just to test her out. Wasn’t really impressed with her. Yeah, she’s not fully built so of course, her damage output will be terrible but I don’t know.

After playing around with her, I’ve found that I’m just not feeling inclined to fully build her. Guess I’m just not interested in her. Not really fond of some of her animations and such as well.

She’s mostly just a DPS anyway so it’s not like I really need her or anything. And I’m really not feeling up to farming for triple of her cursed Artifacts. So decided to just leave her in this state for now. Maybe I’ll build her if I actually need her for something.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Did you pull on the The Power of Wisdom banner? What do you think about Noel, Queen, Cater, and Fran? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

#dissidia final fantasy opera omnia #pulls for these chars:#noel kreiss #final fantasy 13 #fran #final fantasy 12 #queen and cater #final fantasy type-0 #games #gacha games #dffoo #dffoo banner pulls #dffoo ticket pulls

0 notes

yehosera · 6 years ago

Text

Locals Report 21/06/18

Once again I decided to update my Urianger deck a bit and take it to locals. This time at Dark Sphere I went 5-0 milling out 3 of my opponents.

Urianger 21/06/18

https://ffdecks.com/deck/5109345951940608

--Generated By FF Decks (www.ffdecks.com)--

Deck Name: Locals Deck 21/06/18

Created by: yehosera

Forwards (13):

1 Kam'lanaut (5-148)

1 Kefka (4-147)

3 Dadaluma (4-085)

1 Cecil (5-086)

1 Cid Raines (1-192)

3 Urianger (5-163)

1 Paine (2-063)

1 Y'shtola (5-068)

1 Zidane (3-056)

Monsters (6):

3 Cactuar (4-058)

3 Leyak (5-071)

Summons (13):

2 Phoenix (3-020)

3 Phoenix (5-019)

3 Exodus, the Judge-Sal (3-112)

2 Asura (2-049)

3 Diabolos (5-062)

Backups (18):

1 Chaos (1-184)

1 Rydia (3-096)

2 Miner (5-082)

1 Minfilia (5-160)

3 Star Sibyl (5-091)

2 Shantotto (1-107)

1 Tama (4-086)

2 Rikku (1-089)

3 Semih Lafihna (5-059)

1 Thief (5-055)

1 Echo (5-053)

The 2 Asura were actually meant to be additional copies of Cecil to help vs Ice, however, I couldn’t get hold of any additional copies of Cecil. The Asura though was fine, maybe could be dropped to a 1 of.

Best Card: Urianger

Worst Card: Rydia

Recent Additions

Asura. As mentioned, Asura was meant to be additional copies of Cecil. However, Asura was a fine addition. Because of Asura being in the deck, I no longer felt so compelled to run 3 Archers. This is because Asura gets back Rikku in the unlikely event that she does get shot down by Archer, so I don’t need Archer as a counter measure to opposing Archers. The untap all backups modifier I used once, I think only an additional copy of Phoenix or Exodus would have prevented by death in that position, so Asura does have it’s uses in the deck. Although likely as a one of and not as a 2 of.

Diabolos, I can’t remember if this was at 2 or 3 before. I think as most of my lists had the card at 2 it was at 2 in the last rendition, however, 3 has been very nice. Being able to discard the first for CP and have 2 left is a big bonus. Wind CP during the early game is kind of scarce. There is some wind CP, however, it’s mostly backups and early forwards that can provide the Wind CP cards that you do not want to discard early on for CP. This makes Diabolos a prime +2 Wind CP card from turns 1-3, but the card is still needed during the mid-late game, hence why 3 is needed.

Rydia, while nice in the late game, the deck already has a lot of good late game backups. Originally she was included to up the number of odd costed backups, however, an Evoker that promotes using a vital summon as CP is just not needed. I do however want to replace her for another odd costed backup.

Thief, as Archer isn’t needed, a nice easy to break Wind backup is needed. It could be a 2nd Echo, but the Thief did fine. I used the effect twice which is more than most backups would get used.

Echo, nice against Ice and costs effectively 1 CP. The Fairy adds a little bit of consistency if you get stuck on backups during the early game, as the check top and draw modifiers allow you to dig 2 cards closer to another backup.

Changes: -1 Asura, -1 Exodus, the Judge-Sal, -1 Rydia, +2 Cecil +1 Masked Woman/Brother/Nono/Botanist.

Masked Woman helps vs Ice decks and other decks that play early forwards (maybe during opus 6 if Tifa makes a return with Fire decks then she’d be really helpful).

Brother helps as he essentially says play 2 backups, due to Paine adding Rikku. There might be some argument for an additional Paine in that case (the Starter Paine, not an additional Opus 2 Paine), as a cheap forward that allows for surprise additional mills when players think they have calculated how many turns they have left to live.

Nono allows for double mills on every attack. The Moogle is only really helpful while already winning as attacking in this deck is an oddity.

Botanist. Add more Dadaluma.

Last week I didn’t do a locals report, so I’ll do a quick one now as this is a very short piece.

I went X-1 with an Ice/Fire deck. My loss was to Warriors of Light. Stupid deck cannot lose to Ice/Fire.

https://ffdecks.com/deck/5700678055886848

--Generated By FF Decks (www.ffdecks.com)--

Deck Name: Locals Deck 14/06/18

Created by: yehosera

Forwards (25):

2 Kam'lanaut (5-148)

1 Cloud (1-009)

3 Vivi (3-017)

1 Firion (1-021)

3 Sabin (4-021)

2 Cid Raines (1-192)

1 Kuja (3-030)

3 Locke (4-048)

1 Serah (1-195)

3 Celes (4-038)

3 Genesis (3-033)

2 Vayne (2-026)

Summons (9):

1 Zodiark, Keeper of Precepts (3-147)

3 Belias, the Gigas (2-019)

1 Bahamut (4-016)

1 Phoenix (5-019)

1 Mateus, the Corrupt (5-044)

2 Glasya Labolas (5-032)

Backups (16):

1 Chaos (1-184)

1 Red Mage (1-003)

3 Sage (2-005)

1 Black Waltz 2 (3-015)

1 Irvine (2-001)

2 Kazusa (3-026)

3 Duke Larg (1-057)

2 Gestahlian Empire Cid (4-026)

1 Mog (XIII-2) (1-196)

1 Devout (1-048)

Essentially the aim is to go all in with Sage + Kazusa for lots of early pressure. I cursed Kam’La’s existence in this deck. The dark cards make it REALLY hard to go all in with Sages. The idea behind it is solid, and works, so with some edits it could make a really strong deck.

Best Card: Sage

Worst Card: Kam’Lanaut

As a starting point, remove all the dark cards for Setzar, Zalera, Gadot and a 3rd Kazusa. Then work from there on what you dislike. Use the backup lineup from Milan and the forward/summon lineup from Paris as what the deck should be converging towards.

TL;DR The Urianger deck is at a place I’m happy with finally.

#FFTCG #yehosera

2 notes · View notes

matayu-sometimes-writes-stuff · 7 years ago

Text

On Final Fantasy XIII

I have to admit that I went into this game expecting to be disappointed. While I have intended for a while now to play through every non-MMO Final Fantasy game, at the time I started playing it I had only completed the original and FFII, and was around halfway through FFIII. The only reason I decided to play it now was availability; my brother had a copy, so I didn’t need to purchase it for myself.

I hadn’t really heard much about the game other than “It’s bad” and “It’s Final Hallway XIII lol”. And while there is certainly an argument to be made that FFXIII is objectively a bad game, and the “hallway” criticism (that most of the game’s areas are linear, with barely any deviation in route) is valid, I absolutely loved this game. I would not recommended it to anyone who isn’t determined to play it through, for reasons I’ll elaborate on later, but this is currently my favourite Final Fantasy game, beating out the original, II, III, and now IV (which I am at the final dungeon of as of this writing).

I’ll address the criticisms first. Beginning with the “hallway” criticism. Yes, of the game’s 13 chapters, only the area in chapter 11 (which can be revisited during chapter 13) offers any sort of exploration. It’s also where the game’s version of side quests are introduced. Note that although it’s labeled as chapter 11, almost two thirds of the game take place in this open area. I understand that this isn’t worth ten chapters of linearity to some people, but I actually found the linearity of the game to be quite enjoyable. Some people make the argument that the linearity is necessary for story purposes, as our six protagonists are fugitives from their government, and don’t have the time to be running around looking for twenty bear asses with the army breathing down their necks. This is a valid defense, but I have a much simpler one.

Of all the Final Fantasy games I’ve played, Final Fantasy XIII was the first and thus far only one where I didn’t need an internet walkthrough to figure out where the fuck I was supposed to fucking GO.

Maybe it’s because I’ve only played NES and SNES-era Final Fantasy games for comparison, but FFXII was so much more enjoyable simply because I didn’t need to constantly be checking a mile-long GameFAQs walkthough every twenty minutes or so, searching for place names or proper nouns just for some hint of where I needed to be. Now, this changed when I started doing the aforementioned side quests, if only because there’s no indication on the in-game map where the questgivers are unless the quest is active, but until that point I had no need for cross-checking a walkthrough. Hopefully this will get better when I finally get through the 16-bit era, but until then the linearity that I’ve heard so many people complain about is one of Final Fantasy XIII’s biggest draws for me. The linearity made the game more fun.

As mentioned earlier, the game only really opens up in chapter 11, which is where the majority of the game’s runtime is. This is because chapters 1 through 9, and most of 10, are the game’s tutorial.

These segments are roughly 20 hours long.

Final Fantasy XIII has a 20-hour-long tutorial. There’s really no way to spin that as a positive. The game uses that time to its advantage, introducing five of the six protagonists from the get-go and developing them in a way that I quite enjoyed, and will say more on later. The fact of the matter is, though, that 20 hours is a ridiculous time to spend teaching the player how to use your combat system. I’m not sure if it makes it better or worse that it does legitimately take 20 hours to master Final Fantasy XIII’s version of the Active Time Battle system.

Again, full disclosure, I wound up loving the combat system in FFXIII. But I didn’t understand how it worked until around chapter five. To explain, you have a party of at most three characters. You control one character directly, and the other two are controlled by the game’s AI, which takes its cues from you. Each character has a combination of three of six possible roles. You create what the game calls “paradigms”, six sets of any three of the available roles that you can freely switch between during combat. This allows for a party in trouble to switch on the fly from offensive classes to (for example) a tank and two healers. Once you get a handle on it, it’s very intuitive. The problem is, of course, how long it takes to get a handle on it. Twenty hours is still ridiculous.

Ultimately, a video game succeeds or fails on its gameplay. You can have the most gorgeous backgrounds, beautiful music, and memorable characters, but if the game is hard to play, all that falls by the wayside. Looking at you, Skyward Sword. But that’s a discussion for another time.

I’m sure the twenty-hour long tutorial turned people off of FFXIII when it first came out. I do agree that it’s ridiculous, and it’s most of the reason why I wouldn’t recommend the game to anyone who wanted something just to pick up and play. My brother, who you’ll remember is the one who actually owns the copy I played, never actually finished the game, nor has any desire to. I likely would have put it down myself if I hadn’t resolved myself to playing it all the way through. I’m glad I did. But if you aren’t approaching it with that mindset, I wouldn’t expect you to enjoy it.

Speaking of enjoying things, let’s move on to what I actually liked about this game, which is the story and characters. I don’t know how it stacks up against more contemporary Final Fantasy games, but I personally was glad to not be playing yet another Dungeons and Dragons campaign. The story is mostly driven by its characters.

Claire “Lightning” Farron is the face of Final Fantasy XIII, and the only character I knew about heading in. What I knew, or rather had heard, was that her character was “Cloud Strife but as a woman.” I’ll be the first to admit that, since I haven’t played Final Fantasy VII yet, I don’t know how firsthand how true this assessment is. However, from what I’ve been able to gather from pop-cultural osmosis, this is almost completely untrue. Lightning was designed with “female Cloud” in mind, but for the most part this is where the similarities end.

Lightning is essentially the single parent of her little sister Serah, and is overprotective of her to a fault. This has caused an estrangement between the two of them, exacerbated by Lightning’s disapproval of Serah’s fiancé, who will be discussed when we get to him. When Serah is cursed by what are essentially minor gods in this setting with a task that will either transform her into a mindless monster if she fails or put her in stasis potentially forever if she succeeds, Lighting sets out on a quest to rescue her from her fate, to the extent of defying her own gods-given task, and heaven help anyone who gets in her way.

One of the weaknesses of Final Fantasy XIII, in my opinion, is that the game’s engine doesn’t give its characters the most expressive of faces. Lightning is a very reserved person, but you are able to figure out how she’s feeling from careful consideration and inference based on what she says versus what she’s been through. This could be made much easier if the engine was capable of rendering microexpressions. I do kind of hope FFXIII will get a high-definition rerelease, if only so that this sort of thing could be added.

Lightning’s arc in this game (it continues slightly in Final Fantasy XII-2, and completes in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII) involves her learning that even if Serah is getting married, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be alone in the world. She forges friendships that will last literal lifetimes with her fellow companions, one of whom is her future brother-in-law she despises so much.

Time to talk about him. Snow Villiers is a dumbass. A moron. An idiot. An airhead.

I love him so much.

I didn’t always. I actually started out hating him just as much as Lightning did. Snow wants to be a hero. Sorry, make that a Hero™. He’s the leader of a citizen’s militia in his and the Farron sisters’ hometown, and he believes that a true hero never needs a plan, because of the laws of narrative causality or some such bullshit. Naturally his arc involves him realizing that that’s a really, REALLY stupid way to live your life. It’s actually better than I’m making it sound: he goes through a gradual realization that his philosophy is hindering others more than helping them, and goes through some low points before he learns how to temper his enthusiasm with careful planning and coordination. Part of this is coming to the conclusion that he can still be heroic, even if he (or anyone, really) can’t live up to the platonic ideal of heroism he has constructed for himself. I began by hating him, by the end of FFXIII I loved hating him, and by the end of the trilogy I actually genuinely grew to love him. But that’s a story for another time. Snow’s motivation is actually the same as Lightning’s: to rescue Serah Farron from her fate, regardless of who or what gets in the way.

One of the people hurt by Snow’s general idiocy is another of our protagonists: a young boy of fourteen named Hope Estheim, whose mother volunteers to fight alongside Snow to defend her son. Her death isn’t COMPLETELY Snow’s fault, but both Snow and Hope act as if it is. It doesn’t help that she shares a name, Nora, with Snow’s militia. (No Obligations, Rules, or Authority. No, seriously.) Hope’s initial motivation is revenge against Snow. To the point of murder. Naturally this doesn’t play out, but Hope’s interactions with Lightning and Snow are a guiding factor in their own arcs, giving Lightning the familiar ground of a big-sister role as she teaches him how to survive on the run, and showing Snow that heroism is still possible even if you don’t match Snow’s ideal. (To elaborate, when given the opportunity to take revenge for his mother, Hope not only can’t go through with it, but shortly after that actually defends an unconscious Snow after the two survive a several-story fall.)

Hope comes into his own after reuniting with his father, whom he was afraid would shun him both for not being able to save his mother, and for becoming one of the gods-cursed beings that the general public are being made to fear. Bartholomew Estheim not only reassures him that he would never feel that way about his own son, but gives Hope the confidence he needs to stand up and take action of his own accord, rather than reacting to what’s happening to him as he had been doing. Hope’s a good kid.

To contrast, Sazh Katzroy is a good father. He’s the oldest member of the main cast, old enough to have a young son, Dajh. Dajh is cursed in a similar way to Serah, and Sazh’s journey is about trying to get him back from the government, who in a cruel twist are using the powers the curse gave him to hunt our protagonists. Sazh is effectively the team dad, and honestly his arc can be summed up with a single GIF of Marlin from Finding Nemo. “Have you seen my son?!”

Kidding aside, what Sazh has to go through are probably the most realistically terrifying events of the game. He’s a single father whose preschool-aged son is not just missing, but has been taken from him. And like everyone else under the curse, Dajh is on a ticking clock to decide which fate worse than death awaits him. There’s actual, realistic fear there, and I did really care about seeing the two reunited.

Sazh also got the chance to act as a surrogate father to Oerba Dia Vanille, the fifth and final character who’s introduced from the get-go. For initially unexplained reasons, she’s the only member of the main cast (that we’ve met) with an Australian accent. She’s bubbly, peppy, and dealing with a trainload of internalized guilt over events that happened 500 years before the game even began.

Vanille, along with our sixth and later introduced really final party member, are the last survivors of a civilization that fought and lost a war against the floating colony the rest of the cast lives in 500 years ago. The two of them were cursed way back then, and entered stasis until the present day. Vanille is a gentle soul, and was horrified both at the number of innocent people she had killed way back when to complete her task, and at what her awakening had brought: both Serah and Dajh were cursed, by different gods, directly because of it. There’s actually a very touching scene shown as a flashback of Vanille meeting Serah a day or two before the events of the game proper, in which she essentially apologizes for what she’s done, and Serah forgives her despite not really understanding the extent of what Vanille was apologizing for. There’s also an even more powerful scene when Sazh finds out that what happened to Dajh was Vanille’s fault, after spending roughly a full day trying to keep the young woman alive. Sazh has a tough decision to make, but it ultimately results in Vanille realizing that she is worthy of forgiveness, which she can achieve by joining with the other characters to save the people she was tasked with destroying.

The sixth and final party member is Oerba Yun Fang, introduced about a chapter or so after the rest as a “mysterious woman” before swooping in with an appropriately named renegade army faction (the Cavalry) to save the other characters from a tight spot. She also has an Australian accent, marking her and Vanille as native to the surface of the planet. (The difference is that Vanille’s VA is actually Australian. Fang’s is not.)

Fang is in many ways a foil to Lightning. She has the same sort of big sister relationship to Vanille that Lightning has with Serah; although where Lightning is overprotective because she doesn’t want to lose her only family, Fang is overprotective because she and Vanille are literally the only members of their people left alive (to their and our knowledge), and they are actively being hunted down by a hostile nation. Fang’s motivation is to keep Vanille safe, at any cost, even her own humanity. There’s an often-quoted line: “I’ll tear down the sky if it’ll save her.” There are some people who view Fang and Vanille’s relationship as romantic, and while I understand where they’re coming from, I prefer the parity it gives the narrative if Fang and Vanille’s relationship is incredibly similar to that of Lightning and Serah’s. While Lightning learns to overcome her unfounded distrust of others, Fang is overcoming her very well founded distrust of others. Both women learn to open up to their companions; that they aren’t as alone in the world as they feel they have to be.

I also really loved the ending of this game, so spoilers follow. The heroes win; what kind of Final Fantasy game would it be if the villain wins, eh? Though the floating colony does get dropped on the planet, our heroes were able to convince the army to evacuate the colony instead of fighting to the death, which means most of the civilians survived. Fang and Vanille, however, sacrificed themselves to stasis in crystal for an unknown amount of time to create a support pillar for the colony; it forms into the logo for the game, which I thought was a clever touch. Lightning, Snow, Sazh, and Hope are all rocketed to the surface of the planet, but survive via also being turned to crystal; they are freed from the stasis and the brands indicating them as cursed have mysteriously vanished. Out of the wreckage walks Serah and Dajh, also freed from the curse, to reunite with their families. Bartholomew Estheim is nowhere to be seen, but a codex entry in XIII-2 confirms that he survived and reunited with Hope after the fact. I would have liked for him to be there, but I understand that showing the reunion with Serah (and Dajh) was more important. It was a bit jarring hearing Leona Lewis in 2017, as I had forgotten she even existed, but apparently there was no way to translate the Japanese theme into English and have it still be lyrical AND make sense, so they substituted an English song with the same thematic elements. It’s a nice song, and it works. This was a good ending to a good story in a maybe-okay-at-best game.

Beautiful music, lovely visuals, fantastic characters that play off each other, stacked up against a control system that takes almost a full day to learn, a slightly sluggish camera, and a linear, story-driven game world (which apparently counts as a bad thing for some reason). I love this game. I’ve heard very good things about VI, and everyone always gushes over VII and IX, but until I get to those, I have my favourite Final Fantasy, and it’s XIII.

#Final Fantasy XIII #blogything #i love this goddam game #Final Fantasy

2 notes · View notes

faygosmayhem · 7 years ago

Text

Story Time #3- Final Fantasy & Me: Part Three

Landmines EVERYWHERE:

I love Final Fantasy XII. I also hate it with seething contempt of 10,000 scorned and angry Cactuars. When the game launched I couldn’t even let myself get excited. I was deep into a period of ‘permanent grounding’ that cut me off from the world and everything else I loved (another story for another time). I stayed that way from February to December of ‘06, miserable and only getting worse. Come Christmas my parents gifted me with Final Fantasy XII. I thought it needlessly cruel at the time because they were still holding all of my electronics hostage and I had no way of playing it, but I came to understand that in giving me the game they were also giving back most of the things they had taken.

This time, I was also given a guide to go along with it. At the start, and probably against my better judgement, I tucked the guide away with the rest of them for use only after had gotten through the game once, as usual. I had gotten a good half-way through before I decided to take a peek to look up some information on where I could find a particular spell. ‘Just that one thing,’ I told myself as I flipped through to the index.

Of course, as I was going through a picture happened to catch my eye. Unable to help myself, I went back to it to check if I was really seeing it correctly. The picture was of 12 treasure coffers neatly lined in rows of four along a beach, with a note beside it in big,bold, lettering warning not to open ANY of them. I read a little further and discovered that this was one of four spots in the game where opening the treasure causes the best weapon in the game to disappear forever.

At that point I nearly threw the game out the window, who does shit like that? There is absolutely no way for that to be discovered on your own, as the game makes no mention of it anywhere. I could have continued playing as I had planned, but if the game was going to pull tricky crap like that I was going to be in for one hell of a second playthrough. So, already about thirty hours into the game I scrapped the file and played it over while following the guide, grumbling about it the whole way. Turns out there’s more than one section in the game that’s nearly impossible without help if you don’t want to spent countless hours banging your head against the wall.

Final Fantasy XII is hard. Not only does it have a lot of complex puzzles and tough enemies, you basically have to program the AI yourself or the party is going to be completely ineffective. It really doesn’t help that the game makes you pay for those little bits of code either. It takes a lot of repetitive grinding to get through everything, and I can’t tell you how many hours I spent looping the zones over and over for LP, and Gil.

The story is probably the most mature in the series, and full of socio-political intrigue and complicated scientific concepts. I used to play the game with a dictionary handy so I could decipher what the hell Vayne and the Judges were talking about. The cast of characters is rather polarizing for me, containing one of my all-time favorites, Balthier the debonair sky-pirate, and my least favorite of all the games- Penelo.

I didn’t like her character from the start, I found her voice annoying, had an unexplained problem with her attitude, and absolutely could not stand her costume and hairstyle. The true reason for my hate of her, however, is that in my version of the game, for some unfathomable reason, her AI would set off EVERY SINGLE TRAP in the dungeon- even with Libra on. I had to switch her out or control her manually to stop this from happening, and since I was doing my best to level the party evenly just leaving her alone was not an option. By the end of the game I was so fed up with babysitting her I used to kill her on purpose out of spite. Yeah, I could've saved myself the effort by just making her the leader when it was the girls’ turn to grind, I found it much more enjoyable to watch Fran walk instead- her tail physics were hypnotizing.

Final Fantasy XII caused a lot of frustration for me. There were several times I wanted to just set it down and never think about it again, but in the end it became the game I’ve spent the most time on. The game is very long and some of the individual fights can take upwards of 4 hours (I went to go make sandwiches twice while fighting Yiazmat, about 50 million HP is a little much, don’t you think devs?), but became one of the most rewarding once everything was completed thanks to that stupid Sky Pirate’s Den feature.

If you’re reading this and skipped XII for whatever reason when it first launched, I recommend looking into the new re-master, Zodiac Age. It’s been tempting me for a while, I was actually at the Distant Worlds concert in Pennsylvania when the information on the remaster was first leaked by the game’s composer, I just don’t know if I have the will-power to pick it up again.

A Visually Appealing Corridor Simulator:

After finally finishing XII in ‘07, I didn’t touch a Final Fantasy game for about four years. Not like there really was anything to touch, exactly- but that’s beside the point. During those four years my life took a rather interesting turn, and I found myself immersed more in Tabletop RPGs and MMOs than anything else. It wasn’t until 2011, a year after I left my life in Arizona behind and moved to Pennsylvania that I once again found myself as the recipient of a shiny new PS3 and a copy of Final Fantasy XIII.

I’m very glad I was able to go into this game with very little expectation, else I would’ve ended up disliking it a great deal more than I did. For the most part I don’t hate the game, but I can understand why a lot of people do. Final Fantasy XIII mostly just makes me sad because of what the game could have been. All those beautifully designed and intricate set pieces were reduced to nothing but bland hallways because of an attempt to appeal to a larger American audience, mostly due to the fact that the game was released cross-platform for the Xbox 360 as well.

There are a lot of problems with Final Fantasy XIII. The characters are annoying and not very fleshed out, the plot is not cohesive and almost indecipherable, and about 80% of the game is walking down a never-ending hallway, and they don’t even get around to fully fleshing out the mechanics until the game is almost over.

Despite all of this I thought the game was OK. I was impressed by the cut-scenes (the one at the end where they all roll up to Eden during the hover-bike race on the backs of their Eidolons is a personal favorite), thought the fast-paced combat was pretty fun, and had a pretty good time making fun of the ridiculous characters. The ending was another very serious “WTF?” moment, but pretty much the whole game up to that point had been, but I do admit to tearing up when Sazh is re-united with his son.

I was even thankful, though a bit disappointed, to find out that I didn’t even need to play the game all the way through again to complete it. That is, until I tried to do it. It’s no secret that completing a Final Fantasy game, or any RPG for that matter, takes a great deal of time and dedication to repetitive action. Completing Final Fantasy XIII, however, was the most mind-numbing endeavor I’ve ever attempted. Prepare yourselves for a rant involving lots of math, because this shit got real (I’ll set the math between lines so those that really don’t care can just skip it).

To get one of the gold trophies, you need to own one of every weapon and accessory in the game. The only way to get most of these things in the game is to upgrade them using Gil and drops acquired from monsters. The only way to make money in the game is by selling monster drops. The item worth the most is a 25% drop from the hardest enemies in the game. Even If you execute the strategy needed to kill them absolutely perfectly, which is incredibly tricky, it still takes 5-6 minutes just to kill ONE of them, and there are only about seven or eight different spawn points for them in the game (don’t quote me on that), most of them in the same zone.

In order to upgrade everything I needed by the time I was ready to tackle this challenge, I needed about 1.5 million gil. The 25% common drop from the monster is worth 150,000, and you need SIX additional abysmally rare drops from the same creature in order to get every character their best weapon. In a perfect world, you need to kill around 40 of these stupid things for the money alone, and I would about quadruple that value for the rare drops. In an imperfect world, there are also days where you have no luck, mess up the strategy and take too long to kill the monster, or get killed yourself and get set back.

The fastest way I found to get everything I needed was to use the long hallway right before the final boss where one of the creatures spawns at the beginning. There”s a save point at both ends of the hallway and it’s littered with other difficult encounters that can yield some other items worth a decent amount of money if done correctly. Passing through this hallway in one direction fighting everything takes about 30 to 45 minutes. Using some easy zone-out manipulation you can fight a grand total of THREE creatures in the span of about an hour and a half.

For the final stretch of this game I spent upwards of eight hours a day, everyday, for the span of about two whole weeks doing nothing but running down that hallway fighting the same monsters, in the same patterns, over and over again until I finally had everything I needed. This reason alone is why I will never again touch a copy of Final Fantasy XIII.

Want More? Hell No. Well...You’re Getting It Anyway

XIII-2 and Lightning Returns were games that served almost no purpose. Even though the end of XIII didn’t make a whole lot of sense, it was still an almost complete resolution that didn’t really leave any loose ends. Aside from the obvious ‘to make money’ there was no real reason to give us another entry for a story that most people were unimpressed and dissatisfied with, rather than making the games that were already announced that the fan base was dying for.

There’s an optimistic part of me that wants to believe that XIII-2 was created mostly out of desire to fix the gaping flaws of the game that came before and give the fans and developers a chance to see what XIII should have been.That satisfies me, until I remember that they ended it with a cliff-hanger that needed yet another game to resolve.

I did enjoy playing XIII-2, and was happy to finally have a more complete version of the world from XIII. What they did with the story, however, was not something I was a fan of. The plot of XIII was complicated enough. Throw in time travel, world paradoxes, and non-linear story telling, and you get something so contrived it’s not even worth trying to piece together.

By time Lightning Returns finally graced us with its presence, I was done. I played the game for about two hours, became infuriated that the game was based around mechanics I absolutely loathe and set it aside. I didn’t even bother looking up the end of the story on YouTube- by that point I really didn’t care. I don’t think I’ll ever be desperate enough to pick it back up again.

What We’ve All Been Waiting For:

Think back on the past ten years of your life. While doing that, remember that during that whole period, the devs of Final Fantasy XV were working on the same project. I can’t even begin to imagine what that cycle must of been like for those people, and what a triumph it must have been to see it finally on the shelves.

It’s even harder to reconcile what we got with how long it took them to make it. The incomplete feeling of the story from XV is very hard to deal with thinking back on just how much time they took to tell it. Part of me gets it; DLC, money, also making realistic games is hard and takes forever. I absolutely understand that the developers were trying to take a new angle with the series, and that they didn’t want to get to crazy with ham-fisted storytelling like pretty much every other installment, but even with the DLC we’re still missing some pretty significant chunks of the narrative.

Honestly that’s about my only complaint about the game, and it’s with good reason.

I fell more in love with the characters of Final Fantasy XV than I have with any other form of media. The casual interactions and mannerisms of the four boys are so heartfelt, so real, and such a joy to watch. From that first moment spent pushing the car to the opening notes of ‘Stand By Me’ (which is now my favorite into sequence in the series), I could tell that these characters were something special. The first time I heard Ignis’ exclaim “That’s it!” after staring idly at a random sign at a diner my heart fluttered, and I was completely charmed. The first time Prompto sang the victory theme I knew I was hooked for good.

Something about these boys just makes me happy. Not only are they all so nice to look at, but their mannerisms and interactions really make you want to know them. I really don’t understand how this game got away with having such fantastic characters in a terribly fleshed out story. While playing, I cared deeply about what happened to the four boys (and still do, as evidenced by how much time I still spend in the fan community). When they laughed, I laughed. When they were sad, so was I. When they were hurt, I couldn’t wait to get out there and ruthlessly murder the cause of it. I wanted to know everything about them, and found myself filling in my own information when there was none offered (particularly with Ignis, because that boy gets ZERO backstory).

It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with this game, and likely will be for quite a while still. Even with the problems I have with the story, it’s still at the peak of series for me. I can only hope that in the future they fill in the holes, and we can keep the boys with us for a long time still to come.

Well. That was a thing. All total I spent about 18 hours writing this out, and had more fun with it than I’ve had writing anything in a while. Final Fantasy is such a huge part of my life and it was almost astonishing to look back and really remember what each of these games mean to me, and why nothing will ever replace them.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read my long-winded rambling, you are wonderful. If you’re feeling a nostalgic as well, then I know I’ve done my job right. It will be interesting to see what else comes out of this little experiment of mine.

Until next time

~Faygo

#Final Fantasy #Dafetcha'sDumptruck

5 notes · View notes