#I still can’t believe they didn’t even mention chopper at the end

[salty-autistic-writer]

Whumptober Day 6: Not realizing they're injured

Title: Don't Hide Your Pain From Me (AO3)

Summary: After a long shift, Buck looks forward to seeing his boyfriend again. But then he sees that he has several missed calls from Lucy and panics.

~

It’s been a long and tough shift. Buck can barely hold himself upright anymore. Every muscle in his body hurts and he has trouble keeping his eyes open. But he’s still looking forward to this evening. Because he finally gets to have dinner with Tommy again.

It’s been literal ages since their shifts aligned and since they were able to spend quality time together. Buck is hungry but way too tired to cook and Tommy probably will be too, he guesses. So Buck thinks of ordering pizza and pulls out his phone - only to see he has several missed calls from Lucy. In fact, she tried to call him 12 times within the last two hours.

Buck’s breath hitches. He freezes as cold panic floods him. His legs buckle and feel so weak, he has to support himself on the hood of his car with his free hand. In a matter of seconds, his mind goes through several horror scenarios. Tommy. Tommy, in a hospital bed. In a coma. Or worse. Buck bends over and forces himself to take some deep breaths. He's scared. So scared. But he has to call Lucy and ask her what's going on. There's still a chance it's nothing bad ... (But then she wouldn't have called 12 times, right?!) 

With a shaky finger, Buck pushes on Lucy's number, calling her and holding the phone to his ear. He can feel his heart racing.

There's a few beeps, until ... "Yes?"

“Lucy?” Buck croaks, hand clenching around his phone. “What’s going on?” Please. Please tell me he’s okay. Please … 

“Hey, Buck,” Lucy says. “I’m sorry. You have to go to the hospital. It’s Tommy.”

“How ... how bad is it?” Buck asks, his throat dry. He closes his eyes. Please ...

“He’ll live. It’s a fractured rib. But you are going to need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend,” Lucy says and oh, she sounds … pissed.

“Why?” Buck asks, frowning.

“Because his injury is a few days old.”

Buck almost drops his phone. “What?!” He bursts, shocked.

Lucy sighs heavily. “Yeah … Please. Go and talk some sense into Kinard. The idiot scared the hell out of me when he started to gasp and wheeze in the chopper today!”

“I … Okay. I’m going to the hospital now,” Buck says, finally able to move again, his panic replaced by adrenaline. “Thanks, Lucy," he says, already opening the door of his car and slipping inside.

"You're welcome," she quips. And ends the call.

What the hell ... Buck starts his car, shaking his head. Why would Tommy go to work with an injury? An injury he didn't even mention? Buck has so many questions now. Well. There's only one way to find out ... +

Tommy is sitting on the edge of his hospital bed with his chest bandaged and he avoids Buck’s eyes, his expression a combination of exhaustion and guilt.

“What the hell, Tommy?!” Buck exclaims, still baffled by what the doctor told him. He places his hands on his hips, furrowing his brows. “You went to work with a fractured rib? For days?! What were you thinking? You … you had to be in pain. The doctor told me what can happen if you leave a fractured rib untreatened! You could have given yourself pneumonia! Or … or a chest deformity and a damaged lung! I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!”

He stops, breathing heavily.

Tommy sighs. He’s still not looking at Buck when he mutters, “It … wasn’t that bad. Really. It wasn’t. I barely noticed it. Just started to feel some pressure after that one call where we had to go inside a collapsed building. And then, today, I started to feel the pain when we did an air rescue. Lucy made me go to the hospital. To be honest, I don’t even remember when or how it could have happened. I just … I didn’t want you to worry about me. We were both really busy and after all those hard shifts you had this week, I wanted you to be able to relax …”

“God. Tommy,” Buck says, stunned. He’s speechless. Unable to process that Tommy would ignore an injury just so he wouldn’t make Buck worry. It makes him angry. It also makes him sad. “You can’t do this,” he says quietly. “You can’t … You can’t hide something like this from me, Tommy. I love you. God. When I saw that Lucy called me a dozen times … I was so scared. I thought … I thought I might have lost you without knowing it. That was one of the scariest moments in my life. Please. You have to tell me if you’re in pain. I will never be too busy or too exhausted to care about you, you understand me?!”

Tommy swallows. “I’m sorry,” he says, looking up at Buck, his eyes gleaming with gathering tears. “Um. To be honest. It hurts quite a lot. I just … I don’t know. I guess I had some experiences in my life that made my mind believe that complaining about pain is annoying and makes me some kind of burden. But I should know better by now. I love you too. And I didn’t want to scare you. I’m sorry, Evan.”

Buck exhales shakily. He can’t hold himself back anymore. He rushes to Tommy, hugging him. Just wants to feel his warmth. Wants to feel his pulse. Needs to feel that Tommy is alive . “I’m just glad you’re okay,” he breathes into the crook of Tommy’s neck. “And I’m so happy to see you after these endless shifts.”

Tommy leans into the hug and wraps his arms around Buck in return, even though he winces at the movement. “You’re happy even though I made us meet at the hospital instead of at home?” He asks, smiling weakly.

“Doesn’t matter where we are. As long as we are together,” Buck mumbles and then yawns. He’s so tired … “Let’s just order pizza and see what the hospital tv has to offer regarding movies,” he adds and Tommy laughs, only to grimace and say, “Ouch.”

[sanjisblackasswife]

hiii! I saw that you already did dad headcanons, but I was wondering how you think those same boys would react to hearing the news about their s/o being pregnant. And how would they break it to the crew?

A/N: OP Boys As Daddies Here! Enjoy!

Next part will have Cora and Law <3

Monster Trio React to Their S/O Being Pregnant (SFW)

Cw: VERY SLIGHT mentions of abortion

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft., Luffy, Zoro, Sanji

Sanji

I mean it was bound to happen.

Not saying Sanji has a breeding kink, but he has a breeding kink. He got with you and just didn’t know wtf pull out meant.

Plus he does not believe in condoms.

But none the less Sanji would be a treat to tell

It was after dinner and you and Sanji were talking as he cleaned and you wanted to let him know gently because he was a very dramatic man.

“Ji… how do you feel about kids?”

He answers you with glee, he loves kids, he always wanted to have a little family of his own with you once you all achieve your goals. It actually ends up calming the nerves you began to have.

You kept asking baby questions and eventually he turned around and caught on.

“Y/N…”

“Hm?”

“Y/n….what are you trynna tell me…”

“….”

“…”

“I am pr—-“

The words didn’t even come out of your mouth yet his eyes lit up like a light and he grabbed you tightly crying on your shoulder not even believing you at first until you brought him the pregnancy test.

He still has it btw.

Sanji somehow had a suspicion you were pregnant. He knows your body better than yourself, so even though he cried a little he was happy that his assumptions were correct.

You both didn’t even sleep that night, you just kept talking about your future. You had to hold him to keep him still he just couldnt stop jumping around

As for how you both announced the pregnancy he wanted to tell everybody at breakfast so he made a feast. When Robin asked what the occasion was he grabbed you by the hand and told everyone.

“Y/N and I….are pregnant.” :)

Luffy: Men can’t get pregnant…

“LUFFY!”

None the less it was super sweet and honestly you becoming pregnant changed him in a pleather of ways.

He became more mature, protective, vigilant, calm, and even slowed down on his simping for other women. Because now that you have his baby inside you

You both are his only focus now.

Zoro

He didn’t believe you but Chopper was the one to tell you both actually which was really cute because they both nearly fainted.

Also He actually doesn’t understand how you could have gotten pregnant

“UM???? YOU CUM IN ME EACH TIME?!”

“Yeah, but i thought after you take a shower it all comes out.”

Bless him

Though his reaction is a bit …delayed best believe he does become happy.

Shocked, but happy.

He will respect your decision whether you want to keep the baby or not but deep inside he hopes you keep it

But thank God you do!

You actually caught him doing that and teased him all day.

He becomes a damn menace though.

He steals parenting books from the library and reads them after training. Even though he acts like having a baby isnt a big deal he is internally panicking.

He wants the best for both you and the baby and it shows in the most annoying way though.

He doesnt even tell the crew yet because he believes them knowing would stress you out

However Zoro is doing that all alone himself

“What are you doing?”

“I cant get up?”

“Its not good for the baby!”

“….i have to pee….AND IM LIKE 2 WEEKS PREGNANT AND IT IS???”

The crew found out because Zoro was upset

You and Zo are known for drinking together alot but of course you stopped and plenty of people began to notice everytime you turned down a drink.

You were sitting on Zo’s lap by the fire with everyone and even Luffy was drinking except you.

“Y/N are you sick? Why arent you drinking?”

“She cant.”

“Why?”

“Because i said so, Luffy.”

“Youre not the boss of Y/N she can drink if she wanna—“

“SHE CAN’T IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY!”

Cue in the dramatics.

Zoro to this day slaps his head thinking about how harshly he made sure YOU and Chopper won’t spill but he ended up doing it himself.

But his worries were diminished realizing the amount of well support you both got from the crew since then.

Zoro puts your safety above his every single time and actually gets mad when you don’t listen.

He takes more care of hisself and he isn’t too reckless when he is fighting. For the first time in his life he knew his life was worth taking care of for his future family.

Luffy

Doesn’t get it, but he is a good sport

When you and Chopper tell him he just can’t understand???

“Who’s baby is it?”

“YOURS OBVIOUSLY!?”

“I thought you said if i pull out you wouldn’t get—“

“PULLING OUT BEFORE You ejaculate not AFTER—“

Not until you’re about 2 maybe 3 months and showing is when he finally registers he is going to be a dad.

Every month up until then he looks at you and wonders why you don’t drink, fight, or any thing that you usually do until FINALLY Law explains it to him like he’s 5.

Now that he is up to speed about you being pregnant he suddenly becomes pregnant?

You got cravings? So do Luffy.

You want cake and tacos at 2am

Bless Sanji heart because Luffy do too

He actually ends up gaining a little bit of weight but it wasn’t even noticeable really, he trains too the rubber man really just bulked up

Luffy was showing his concern of being a father to Robin alot. He didn’t want to worry you in thinking he didn’t want the kid especially if you were willing to rid of the baby if he suggested.

Overrall during pregnancy he intrust the crew to watch over you when he leaves. He has complete trust to make sure you are okay and well and healthy.

A few cute things is he will have some moments where he stretches out his belly to bump yours, talk to the baby, sing to it, and even place his hat on your tummy always reminding him or her that their daddy will be the king of the pirates.

You honestly believe you having this baby has matured him in ways you didn’t think was possible.

[creative-type]

@pokeharvest I was your Secret Santa. Merry belated Christmas, and happy New Year

Dark came earlier than expected, but Zoro didn’t care. He powered through his workout as the sky went from blue to gold to black, appreciating the cooler air but otherwise unconcerned. He knew the Sunny’s crow’s nest like the back of his hand, had long-since memorized where each of his weights lay. Grounded in the familiar rhythm of routine, he didn’t even bother to turn on a light. It wasn’t worth the break in concentration. 

He was nearly finished when the door pounded open. Zoro didn’t stop his set as he felt Nami’s Presence…and her irritation. Nami was always irritated about something, and trying to figure out why usually ended up with his pockets lighter and his debts doubled. 

“What are you doing?” she  exclaimed while fumbling for the light. A moment later they were both blinking away the brightness, and at the sight of him the line between her eyebrows deepened. 

Zoro knew better than to mention that either. She’d just think he was trying to say she was getting wrinkles. 

“What in the—Why are you doing squats? Everyone’s waiting for you.”

At this Zoro paused. It was tricky because he was in the deepest part of his squat, legs burning from the thousand reps he’d already done, but the training was worth it. “What do you mean they’re waiting for me? I’m on watch.”

“The party, you imbecile,” Nami said.

“Oh, we’re doing Chopper’s birthday today? A little bit early, isn’t it?” Zoro said. With a grunt of effort he stood and racked the weights before grabbing a towel. “Yeah, give me a minute and I’ll be down. Franky knows where his present is, so you can go ahead and add it to the pile.”

Nami stared at him, a throbbing vein in her temple joining her furrowed brow. “Please don’t tell me you forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Zoro asked incredulously. “It’s Chopper’s birthday, of course I didn’t forget.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you,” Nami said. “Chopper heard on the last island we were at that the people give presents to everyone around this time. Some kind of holiday for the solstice, Robin said, since it was a winter island.”

“And…?” Zoro said. 

“And Chopper really liked the idea, so for his birthday he wanted to go local so to speak and celebrate, with everyone giving gifts to everyone. He was weirdly gung-ho about the whole thing, but that’s Chopper for you.”

“What? When was this?” Zoro asked. 

“Right after departing, remember? He made a big announcement over dinner and everything,” Nami said. 

Zoro flung his arms into the air. “And I was still out of it. It took me a full three days to regain consciousness after our last fight, remember?”

A look of shocked realization came over her. “I could have sworn someone told you.”

“And I know for a fact no one did.”

They stood at an impasse. It wasn’t the first time Zoro had missed out on inter-crew discussions, whether it be the aftermath of fights, or naps, or training, and ordinarily he didn’t care. Most of the time it was just bickering over stupid stuff anyway, and Luffy wasn’t exactly the subtle type who kept his big plans secret. As long as Zoro knew who he was supposed to cut it didn’t matter. 

Other times, he missed out on the plans for Chopper’s birthday, and would end up looking like a complete ass. 

Zoro shrugged, half to himself. “Well, at least I got something for Chopper. Lemme get changed, and I’ll be down.”

“Oh no no no nonono,” Nami said. Some of the bravado had left her voice, and she sounded…almost panicky? Zoro would have laughed if he didn’t think she wouldn’t throw lightning at him.. “Surely there’s something you can throw together for the rest of us.”

“Of course I don’t; quit being stupid. Chopper will understand if I explain what happened, and if he’s that upset, I’ll figure out something the next time we land,” Zoro said.

“You don’t get it, I’m the one who was supposed to tell you,” Nami said. “I promised I would.”

“So it’s your fault. That’s even better,” Zoro said, unable to keep a smirk off his face. 

“Shut up,” Nami snapped. “Look, I can help you out, but you’ll owe me.”

Zoro crossed his arms. “Seems like you’re the one who should owe me.” 

“Don’t be silly. Even if that were true, your debt is so ridiculously high that this would hardly put a dent into it.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“Pfft, do you want me to send you a list? First, remember that loan I gave in Loguetown for your old swords?”

“That was literally two years ago,” Zoro said. 

“Yeah, and I’m still waiting for you to pay up,” Nami said. That sly smile came creeping back, that look that said she had him right where she wanted him, and they both knew it. Zoro should have been mad, but it was almost impressive how she was able to twist the situation into her favor. 

“Fine. But you realize I’m just doing this because it’s Chopper, right?”

“Oh, for sure,” Nami said.  A mutual understanding passed between them, the sort of thing that came after living on the same ship with the same people for years. The presents didn’t really matter, or the solstice, or the debt that Zoro never seemed to be able to work off. He didn’t give two shits about any of that, but there were precious few things Zoro wouldn’t do for the Straw Hat’s youngest member.. 

“So long as we’re on the same page. Can you buy me thirty minutes?” Zoro asked.

“You sure you don’t need my help?” Nami asked sweetly. “Considering the circumstances, I’ll keep my interest rates reasonable. How’s 100% sound?”

“Fuck you,” Zoro said, but he was smiling, and a moment later she was laughing, and they both knew that they’d do whatever it took for Chopper’s birthday to go off without a hitch. 

Xxx

Ten minutes later, and that smile was gone. While Nami kept the rest of the crew busy with party games, Zoro tore through the Sunny like a man possessed. Chopper’s present was already taken care of, but that left eight people unaccounted for. And if that wasn’t enough, Zoro didn’t have much that he could gift. The little space he did lay claim to on the Sunny was spartan compared to much of the crew, and as much as he wanted to, it wasn’t like he could wrap up a few of his weight plates and call it a day. 

But there was a small part of him, nearly smothered by his greater annoyance with the situation, that reveled in the challenge. Zoro wasn’t a gift-giver by nature—in his mind, a person’s actions were more important—but there was something deeply satisfying in finding the perfect gift. 

Nami and Franky were easy. From his personal stash he grabbed a bottle of rum that would pair perfectly with Franky’s cola and some old wine he’d never gotten around to opening. The latter was nicer than Nami deserved, but he made up for it by writing To the witch on the label. Zoro figured that when she saw it there was a fifty-fifty chance of her chucking it back at him, in which case, he’d get his wine back.  

Jinbe rounded out his alcohol-related presents with a nice sake set he’d been given on Wano. The box and the cups that came inside were artisan and hand-made, the sort of thing that was meant to be appreciated more than drank out of. While he’d miss the booze, he figured it was something Jinbe would appreciate more than he ever could, and maybe he’d be nice enough to share a cup while reminiscing over old times. Plus, since it was already in a box he would be the easiest thing to wrap so far. 

The minutes ticked on, and Zoro scrounged up the old weight lifting manual he’d once seen Usopp peeking through and his spare sword care kit. Brook’s cane sword might have been sharpened by the icy winds of hell, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t use the occasional polish. While digging around looking for his kit, he found the tiny cross necklace Perona had given him as a cruel joke. She’d claimed at the time that Mihawk had dozens of the things and there’s no way he’d miss the one she’d taken, and Zoro had always wondered if hidden inside was the same knife that’d stabbed him all those years ago. 

It turned out later she’d had the damn thing special made just to mess with him, because if there was anything in his life he had too much of, it was women who liked to make him miserable. Zoro tucked it away for Robin, because at least she knew how useful a hidden knife could be. 

Last but not least, while Nami shooed the crew away to the top deck to continue the festivities, Zoro snuck to the fish tank and scraped out a little bit of algae and shoved it in a box. For the love-cook, since it was the closest thing they had to marimo.

Zoro ran back to the men’s quarters, his gifts splayed out on his hammock. He managed to be pleased with himself for exactly two seconds before a second round of panic started to set in. Looking around the room, he searched for paper, or scissors, or tape. Chopper’s gift had been easy to just slip in a bag, but now he didn’t even see that. 

There was probably stuff in the woman’s quarters, but he didn’t dare go there on pain of death.  Zoro rubbed his hand over his head and swore. He was running out of time. Hell, Zoro wasn’t sure he’d know how to wrap all this even if he had paper. It was the sort of thing that Usopp usually did for him. Not because Zoro cared what his wrapping jobs looked like, but because when Usopp saw how bad he did he got embarrassed on his behalf.

“Screw it,” Zoro said under his breath and gathered everything up in his arms. If Nami didn’t like it, she could just deal. He turned around to finally join the others, and swore again, almost dropping his hastily-gotten gifts.

A line of arms had made its way into the room, holding rolls of colorful wrapping paper, bags doused with glitter, and bright sheets of tissue paper. One of the arms held up a pair of scissors in silent question, and Zoro let out a sigh of relief. 

“Yes, please.”

In the distance he thought he heard Robin chuckle, and more arms sprouted to relieve him of his burden. Minutes later he was rushing up to the rest of the crew, and at the sight of him the Straw Hats let out a burst of applause. 

“There he is! We thought you’d never make it!” Usopp yelled as Zoro dropped his—very nicely—wrapped gifts onto the pile. The love-sick love cook shoved a mug of spiced mead into his arms and muttered something about making the beloved ladies of the crew wait, but a well-timed word from Nami kept him from going to blows. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Zoro grumbled as he scanned the crew. He couldn’t help but smile a little as Chopper came running toward him and launched himself into the biggest hug he could manage while in Brain Point. “Happy birthday.”

“Happy solstice! Not that it makes me happy, you asshole!” Chopper corrected, wiggling with pleasure.

“That too.”

“Zoro! Zoro, you gotta try out this meat Sanji made,” Luffy shouted from across the room, and at the sight of him Zoro’s stomach sank. 

In his mad rush, he’d forgotten to bring something for his captain. 

There was no chance to run back to his room to find something. Without waiting for Zoro to respond, Luffy stretched an arm across the room and grabbed a fist full of Zoro’s shirt, dragging him over to the table laden with food. Brook already had his violin out and was playing carols with Franky accompanying on the guitar and Jinbe singing along in his surprisingly resonant baritone. As he flung past, Robin gave a knowing smile and asked Chopper if he wished to start. 

And of course he did, and it was with a whoop and a holler that the gift giving began.

xxx

It was a Straw Hat party through and through. By the end of it there wasn’t a clean surface left on the Sunny, and even the curly brow was exhausted enough to leave the dishes for another time. Both pirates and presents were strewn about the ship in complete disarray. The rest of the crew was in no state to keep watch, so it was Zoro who clambered back into the crow’s nest to complete his watch, pleasantly buzzed from the sake Jinbe had indeed shared but nevertheless alert. 

He had just racked his weights when for the second time that day he felt a Presence coming up to join him. It was more timid than Nami’s ever was, and Zoro opened the latch before Chopper could find himself hiding in the doorway.

“I thought you were sleeping,” Zoro said. 

“I was,” Chopper said, with a yawn for emphasis. “But I wanted to say thank you.”

“What for?”

“You didn’t have to do all that.”

Zoro paused. “What do you mean? It’s what you said you wanted, isn’t it?”

“I heard,” Chopper said, scuffing one hoof on the ground. “You and Nami earlier. I heard it all.”

“Tch, those ears of yours,” Zoro said. “Besides, it’s not your fault Nami forgot to tell me.”

“But it is!” Chopper exclaimed, suddenly distraught. “Nami lied, I was the one who was supposed to tell you after you regained consciousness. When I realized today I forgot, Nami promised me that she made sure you knew.”

“That witch,” Zoro said. But there was no venom in his voice; after all, he couldn’t fault her for trying to make his birthday special. “Besides, I screwed it up anyway by forgetting Luffy.”

“I don’t think he noticed,” Chopper said.

Zoro grunted. “Probably not. I’ll still have to get him something next time we land. That’s the whole point of the solstice, isn’t it? According to what the last island said?”

“I think it’s more about being together.” Chopper looked up at him and grinned. “And it was fun, wasn’t it?”

Zoro returned his smile, remembering how Sanji had turned purple with rage upon opening his gift. “Yeah, it was.”

Outside the crow’s nest, snow began to fall. The pair fell silent, enjoying the moment together. Chopper once again hugged Zoro’s leg, and Zoro’s hand found the top of Chopper’s head. 

“I at least did good with yours, right?” Zoro asked. “Since it was the only present I actually got to plan for.”

“Oh, that was the other thing I came up here for.” Fishing in his pocket, Chopper pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Zoro. “You literally just got better from almost dying. Again. You really shouldn’t be lifting weights.”

“You’re cashing in now?” Zoro asked. He took the paper, which was a signed, one time promise to do whatever Chopper asked of him.

“Doctor’s orders,” Chopper said, and with one final squeeze added, “Happy solstice.”

Zoro couldn’t help but laugh as he put his weights away. “Happy solstice.”

[terra-fatalis]

FFVII Remake Easter Eggs and compilation continuity - Part 7: OG FINAL FANTASY VII

ELEMENTS ORIGINALLY SHOWED AFTER THE MIDGAR SECTION & VISIONS OF THE FUTURE

CAIT SITH

This character didn’t show up until the group reached the Gold Saucer. In the Remake he witnesses the plate fall.

YUFFIE

In the OG Yuffie could only be recruited after visiting the Mythril Mines and nothing hints she had ever been in Midgar before. Now she is the protagonist of Intermission, spending a whole day in Midgar, getting to see Barret’s cell and infiltrating in Shinra HQ thanks to Avalanche. Some main points of this character have already been shown like the rivalry between her and her father, some details of the Wutai war and even her motion sickness.

ROMANTIC RUDE

In the OG Rude confessed Reno that he liked Tifa. In the Remake, when he spotted her on the Sector 7 pillar, he deviated the chopper to prevent Reno from killing her.

Reno: Dammit! You wanna explain yourself, partner?

Rude: Uh... Hand slipped.

PALMER’S TEA

In the original, at Cid’s house, Palmer asked for some tea with “sugar, honey and lard”. In the Remake he walks in the corridor of Shinra HQ with a cup of tea, complaining that he ran out of butter (though in Japanese it’s still “lard”).

Oh dear, oh dear... A man of my refined tastes running out of butter! Shorn of its proper accompainment, this tea...might as well be boiled pond water!

BLACK-CAPED MEN

In the original there was just one clone in Midgar, in Sector 5, and he wasn’t wearing the black cape yet, while in the Remake they can be met also in Midgar. 

The Remake also confirms that also some former SOLDIERs can turn into caped men, something that the OG revealed only in an optional scene in Junon.

OG: I used to be in SOLDIER. Lately I’ve felt like dressing up like this...

Remake: My dad told me that that man, he used to be a SOLDIER when he was younger. I heard he came back because he got sick or something. Isn't that kinda weird? Can SOLDIERs even get sick?

This concept is further - more openly - reiterated also in Intermission:

Nayo: Mako poisoning. That's what happens if you don't make the grade as a SOLDIER...or when the military's done using you.

REUNION

When Cloud attacks Marco believing he’s Sephiroth he has a vision of the Reunion at Whirlwind Maze.

BARRET’S PAST

In the Remake Barret mentions the day he survived from the destruction of his home town, while in the original this happened one the group arrived in Corel.

Wouldn't be the first time I spit in destiny's eye. Whether you can see the seams or you can't...doesn't change that she's always trying to have it her way.

JENOVA

In the original game the first fight against Jenova took place on the Cargo ship, while in the Remake the group fights it in Chapter 17. 

Note: the first form of Jenova in the original was called Jenova∙BIRTH (followed later by Jenova∙LIFE, Jenova∙DEATH and Jenova∙SYNTHESIS). In Remake it is called Dreamweaver, referring to its ability to project illusions, while the Japanese sticks to the original calling it Jenova Beat, hinting to the prenatal heartbeat of fetuses. 

LIFESTREAM

During the presentation at Cosmo theatre (an allusion itself to Cosmo Canyion) the group can see a depiction of the Lifestream flowing throughout the Planet. In the original this only happened at the very end when Aerith summoned it. 

MATERIA

During the aforementioned presentation it was explained how the Ancients were able to create Materia with condensed Lifestream, while in the original it was explained during the flashback in Kalm.

7R: In the distant past, our planet was home to a people we call the Ancients. Many millennia before we discovered mako, these precursors were already pioneering its use. Somehow they learned of the great reservoir of energy pulsing beneath their feet. And once they had...the Ancients developed the means to harness this bountiful energy and bend it to their will. The fruits of their labors have survived to this very day in the form of certain kinds of materia.

OG: Materia. When you condense Mako energy, materia is produced. It’s very rare to be able to see materia in its natural state. (...)...the knowledge and wisdom of the Ancients is held in the Materia.

PROUD CLOD

During intermission Yuffie can see the Proud Clod still under construction stored in Shinra underground. Moreover, the Pride and Joy Prototype (in Japanese: Proud Clad Unit Zero) is a boss that can be fought in Shinra battle simulator.

MIND READER

During the second bombing mission Tifa jokingly asks Cloud if he could read her mind. This is a hint to Jenova’s ability to read minds.

7R:  I swear, your timing was perfect. It's almost like...you could read my mind. SOLDIERs can't do that, can they?

OG: Inside of you, Jenova has merged with Tifa’s memories, creating you.

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

In the Remake Cloud "remembers” two episodes of his childhood in Nibelheim, scenes that originally were included in the Lifestream sequence in Mideel.

BURNING TOWN

During the first vision of Sephiroth in Chapter 2, Cloud re-experiences the distruction of NIbelheim. This info wasn’t revealed in the OG until the flashback in Kalm.

TEST SUBJECT

When Cloud, Barret and Tifa discover the secret underground lab with specimen detained in mako tanks, Cloud starts remembering his captivity in the basement of Shinra Mansion. This was originally revealed only in the optional cutscene in the basement of the Mansion, after the Lifestream sequence.

MAKO POISONING

Mako poisoning is an element that in the OG was explained just in Mideel, while in the Remake Jessie’s father suffers of the same condition. A sector 7 NPC also witnesses one of Cloud’s Jenova headaches and suggests he may be Mako poisonesd (before the whispers intervene).

7R: [Chapter 3] What the—You okay, buddy? Mako junkie, huh? Figures...

[Chapter 4] Jessie's got a theory about it. Thinks her dad's spirit is stuck now—between his body and the heart of the planet.

OG: He probably has no idea who or where he is now... Poor fellow, his voice doesn’t even work. He is literally miles away from us. Some place far away where no one’s ever been... All alone...

UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH

Discovering that in reality Cloud never made it in SLDIER was a pivotal plot twist of the OG. In the Remake that’s hinted more than once, until Hojo openly reveals it. 

No, not quite. Oh, now I recall. My memory was mistaken. My boy, you weren't a SOLDIER...

SEPHIROTH’S DEATH

In Chapter 2 Cloud remembers he killed Sephiroth. This is surprising as in the OG, during Kalm flashback, he told the group that he didn’t know what happened to Sephiroth after Nibelheim incident, even pointing out that, in terms of strength, he couldn’t have killed him.

AERITH’S DEATH

Cloud has some visions of Aerith’s death: after falling in her church in Chapter 8 (pics 2 and 3) and at the beginning of Chapter 9 (pics 1 and 4). Moreover he and the rest of the group have a blurred vision of her death in Chapter 18, Aerith’s refers to death in her resolution scene and Sephiroth tells him he’s unable to protect people in Chapter 2 (while seeing Aerith for the first time) and in Chapter 13 (after she’s been kidnapped). 

METEOR

Cloud, and the others have visions of Meteor and the storm that destroyed Midgar at the end of the OG in Chapters 16 and 18. 

[professorrw]

Disobeying the Captian

Pairing: female reader x Steve Rogers

Requested: Yes

Warnings: smut, 18+, spanking, unprotected sex, Captain kink

A/N: Requests are open for one-shots, headcanons, imagines, and drabbles for My Hero Academia, Harry Potter, and Marvel! My taglist is open so if you’d like to be on that just tell me! Please like, comment, and reblog!

Your heart is pounding out of your chest. Your footsteps are thundering on the metal tops of shipping containers. 

“Y/L/N get out of there! Retreat! That’s an order!” Steve yells. 

You ignore him and keep running, sights set on your fallen comrade. In just a moment the bomb will go off. But you can’t leave a man behind. You won’t. You jump down to the concrete ground and drop to the man’s level. “Can you walk?”

“I can try,” he pants out. His whole body was shaking and his leg was limp. You loop and arm under him and hoist him up. You start running back with the man limping along with you. Once you come into view of Steve he runs to meet you and as you pass the man along there’s an explosion. Heat gushes behind you and your head rings.

“Get in the chopper Y/N I got him!” You start running and risk a glance back at the chaos. The shipyard is in flames and your team is right at the edge of it. You jump into the back of the helicopter and help Steve fasten your teammate into a seat. You were clutching your burning chest. The intense running was killing your lungs.

You and Steve were the last to get in but as soon as you do the chopper takes off. You put on the aviation headset and let your head rest against the wall behind you. You can feel Steve’s glare even with your eyes closed. It was safe to say he was mad.

As soon as you land and your injured teammate is taken to get help Steve rounds on you. “Y/L/N you had no right to disregard orders.” He’s fuming and his eyes are narrowed at you.

“Steve, you know I couldn’t leave him behind. You wouldn’t leave him behind would you?” You cross your arms and stare right back at the taller man.

“This isn’t about what I would do, this is about you. You almost got yourself killed acting reckless.” At the last sentence his eyes momentarily soften but then he resumes his furious stance. If you weren’t blinded by anger you could have caught it.

“I won’t leave a man behind and that’s that Captain.” You weren’t going to let Steve make you feel guilty for your actions.

“What if you didn’t make it? What if you both died huh? Then we would have lost two people.” He raises his eyebrows, thinking he’s got the better of you. His hands are on his hips and his face is a foot from yours. His blue eyes are intense and burning.

“But I made it. I got to him in time and we made it back. No lives were lost.”

Steve swallows thickly, “You’ll come to my office later to discuss your punishment. Until then you’re dismissed.”

“My punishment?” you ask in disbelief. “What are you going to do, spank me? I saved him for Christ's sake!” Your arms are wide open and your eyebrows are raised.

“We’ll discuss this later Y/L/N,” he says through gritted teeth before turning from you. You scowl at his back and he disappears around a corner. For a minute you stand there, still in shock that he would punish you for that. You huff and finally turn around, making your way outside to the parking lot. 

You turn on your car and switch on the air conditioning. You were still sweaty from the mission and the thing you needed right now was some cool air. You pop open the center console and pull out your phone. You immediately dial Sam to rant about Steve’s behavior.

“Y’ello?”

“Sam, you will not believe this. We just got back from a mission right? And one of my comrades fell, we took him to the med area and he’s getting treated, he should be okay, but I went back to save him because the bomb was about to explode and I couldn’t just leave him there. We get back and Steve blows up on me! He says, and I quote, ‘You had no right to disobey orders.’ Can you believe him?” Everything gushes out at once in one long and quick breath of air.

Sam starts cracking up on the other side of the line, “Oh Y/N. Don’t tell me you’ve lost your little crush over this? He cares about you obviously! Let me guess… he also said you could have died?”

Your mouth hangs open. “I- I do not have a crush on him. And …yeah.”

“You can’t lie to me! You were ecstatic when you heard you were being transferred to work with him. And it’s nothing to be upset over, he’s just in his feelings. He was probably scared.”

“He said he was going to punish me.”

“Oh- tell me how that goes,” he laughs again. “If that’s all I’ll be hanging up now. Ciao Y/N.”

“Sam-” there’s a beep and you pull your phone away from your face. He really hung up. Such an ass you think to yourself. You let a little breath escape your nose in a short laugh sort of way. Of course your best friend would say that. Of course Sam would say that. And why did he have to mention your crush on Steve? It was a girlish fantasy that would never be fulfilled.

You return inside and go to your room, mulling over Steve and Sam’s words. What kind of punishment would you get? Suspension? Cleaning the toilets? And also did Steve care about you? He’s never blown up on anyone else like that. Maybe he just doesn’t like you. Maybe he finds you aggravating. 

You head to dinner with another one of your teammates from the mission earlier that day and eat with them. Right at the tail end Stacey, another one of your teammates, taps you on the shoulder. “Cap wants to see you in his office when you're finished.”

“Thanks, Stace,” you say to him. You finish up your dinner slightly dreading what’s to come. The walk to Steve’s office has your stomach rolling and you think you might just throw up.

You step up to his door labeled “Captain Rogers” and knock. 

“Come in Y/N.” You step through the door and into his office. He’s sitting behind his desk lounging in his leather rolling chair. 

“Captain,” you say flatly. You stand in front of the now shut door and cross your arms.

“Y/L/N look. I apologize for yelling at you. I shouldn’t have. I should really be thanking you. Drake is alright and it’s all because of you. He fractured his kneecap and he’s undergoing surgery but they think he’ll be okay.”

“Good. I’m glad.” You let your front drop a bit now that Steve’s calmed down.

“But I still think you deserve a punishment.” You hear the change in his voice, the way it lowered when he said that and it sent shivers down your spine.

“What do you have in mind?” you croaked out. 

He chuckles and rises from his seat. He walks to the front of his desk and leans against it. He crosses his muscular arms over his just as muscular chest. He crosses his ankles and cocks his head to the side slightly. “What do you think I should do? I actually quite like the idea of spanking you. Do you think that’s a fair punishment?”

When he said that your entire body heat rose about forty degrees. Your cheeks were burning and your stomach was doing flips. It was like you were in a wet dream or something. You couldn’t deny that your Captain was turning you on. He always had. You had eyes after all. Everything about him was just… hot. His beard, his hair, his arms, his ass, the list went on.

You were incapable of responding and Steve found it amusing how flustered he made you. “How about it doll?”

“Yeah- Yeah that seems fair,” you manage to get out. Your voice was failing you and you sounded just as bewildered as you were.

Steve quit leaning on his desk and stood at full height beside it. “Bend over.” He motioned to the spot he had just left. You swallowed and walked over there in a daze. You did as you were commanded and bent over.

Steve’s hand rubbed on your butt before leaving it and coming back down with a loud smack. The motion pushed your whole body forward and your ass was already burning. Tears threatened the corners of your eyes. This was the first time in your whole life you had been spanked in such a manner. 

Once again he rubbed your plump butt before delivering another blow to it. Your knees felt weak and you thought they were going to give out on you.

“Three more doll,” Steve’s sultry voice said from beside you. You prepared for impact as his hand came down again, and again, and again. Your butt was numb and tears stained your face.

“That wasn’t so bad was it? Are you going to disobey me again?” His hand was rubbing circles on your throbbing ass cheeks.

You fervently shook your head. You were fully embarrassed from the experience.

“You’re such a good girl… I wish you would listen to me more often. If you were gone, who would I masturbate to? Who would I spank? Would you like it if I spanked other girls?” he asked in a soft voice.

You shook your head again and dared to turn around. Your knees were shaking and you were having trouble standing but you willed through it.

Steve cupped your cheek and rubbed his thumb across your lips. “ You’re such a good girl. Do you want your Captain to take care of you? Do you want your Captain to make you feel good?”

You nodded this time but he ‘tsked.’ “Use your words.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes Captain,” you answered.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He smiled at you and moved his hands to your waist. He grinded his crotch against you lightly as he pressed his lips against yours. You reciprocated the kiss and found purchase in his hair.

“Turn around for your Captain okay? Bend over again. Don’t worry, I won’t spank you.”

You did as he said and bent over the desk again. Steve got behind you this time and ran his hand along your spine before it went to your ass. He pulled your pants and underwear down and stopped to stare for a second.

He chuckled, “You’re already wet for me doll.” You couldn’t see what was going on but you could hear his belt buckle clink and then a zipper. You felt the tip of his cock brush against your slick folds. He moved it up and down your entrance, taunting it. He stopped at your cunt and pushed the tip in.

You gripped the edge of the desk and put your cheek against its cool surface. He waited for a second before he started to push more in. Your walls stretched to accommodate his thick member. It was without a doubt the biggest you ever had inside you.

You were moaning without a filter as he began to thrust into you. His balls were slapping against you repeatedly. He knew what he was doing, hitting your g-spot and sending tingles throughout you.

“You’re doing so good. You’re such a good girl.”

You moaned his name and then moaned “Captain” and that made him feral. He rutted into you without pause. He fucked you with superhuman strength. When your orgasm came he was still pounding into you trying to reach his own. You were worn out and your pussy was throbbing but he wasn’t going to stop until he came on you.

He body was rocking back and forth on the desk and the desk was scraping against the floor as it inched farther and farther back. Steve’s huge hands were pulling you to meet his thrusts. He pulled out of you and the next thing you knew warm liquid was spurting onto your bare ass cheeks. He stood there for a minute, admiring the art before him.

You pulled your underwear and pants back up and turned around, but still leaned against the desk. Steve smiled at you then held onto your waist to kiss you once more.

“If you disobey me again then I’ll punish you but if you act like a good girl I’ll make you feel good, how does that sound?”

“Good,” you whispered.

“Good…”

“Good Captain.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He gave you one more kiss and let you get in order before you left his office.

Taglist: @bellamy1998​

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Going Back Home

Summary: Claire never thought she would be back in the town she grew up in. But after her fiancé broke off their engagement, leaving her 5 months pregnant and alone she found herself calling Frankie Morales in the middle of the night, one of her childhood friends who insisted that she booked the next flight out. Trying to fix her life with a little help from her friends she would find out soon that going back would be the best decision she ever made.

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Claire Beck

wordcount: 3.1k

Warnings: more or less unplanned pregnancy, break up, mentions of sexual encounters

A/N: I am a weak weak person so here it is, a chaptered fic. I will try to update this weekly, but no promises. Rating will go up later. I'm attempting slow burn. Let's see how slow lol Let me know what you think. Reblogs are, as always, appreciated 💙

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Taglist in reblog

Even Though most of her happiest memories were connected with this town, the town she spent most of her life in, Claire never thought she actually would be back here. And certainly not pregnant and all by herself.

It wasn’t that she had been unhappy here. Claire just always wanted something… bigger. Something more. Something exciting. After her parents died and most of her friends moved away, there was nothing holding her back. Well, that wasn’t true. Frankie and Santiago were there. But only when they weren’t overseas or god knows where, which left her with her dream of being a journalist in a small town where she had no chance to ever make it.

She still remembered Santi’s face when she announced that it was her turn to leave just before they were about to be gone for months again. She had gotten a job in New York and thought for days about what to do until she took the job. That was eight years ago and they hadn’t seen each other in person since then.

Yet when she called Frankie three days ago in tears, it was like no time had passed. She wanted to call Santiago first, but she knew him. If she had told him what happened to her he would have gotten into his car and gotten to her, no matter if it took 3 straight days. No, she had called Frankie. He had listened to her for hours until he made her promise to book the next flight out.

When the fuck did her life become such a shit show?

Only a week ago, she had the dream job, was engaged and 5 months pregnant.

Claire was happy. Until her fiance came back from a work trip and suddenly announced that he wanted nothing to do with the child and moved out within days, leaving her on her own. Not even his phone number was working and she wasn’t gonna show up at his work. She wasn’t that desperate. She should have seen it coming. John never planned to have kids. But when Clarie found out that she was pregnant he had already asked her to marry him and maybe he was too proud to end the engagement back then. Thinking back maybe this was the reason he stayed. Because a part of him wanted to spend his life with her. They didn’t fight. He just moved out, told her that he would take care financially of her and the child, but that he didn’t want to be a father.

The first days she was just numb. Trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, left her while she was pregnant with a child they didn’t plan but that she loved without a doubt. That was what kept her going. Her little bean. Claire would do anything to protect her little girl.

The guys to this day called her bean. She found herself thinking more of them since John left. Even without seeing them in the last years, they still stayed in contact. Not a week went by where she didn’t receive a letter. They had a group chat that was only used when they were at home and the bachelor was on. Cause fuck did they all hate that show but they watched it anyways.

Claire was okay with the whole suddenly being on her own thing, until she felt her baby move for the first time and turned in her bed to wake her fiance, finding the side empty and cold. For one tiny moment, she had forgotten that she was alone in a city where she had only a couple of friends who were his friends rather than hers. She had always had a hard time finding friends. That probably wouldn’t change.

Sucking her bottom lip in, she rested one hand on her belly as she waited for her luggage to arrive. She slept almost through the entire flight. Claire had gotten rid of the last eight years of her life in the last 48 hours. She wanted to start fresh. She needed a fresh start. Even if she had no idea how to deal with all of this on her own.

A woman next to her helped her get her suitcases on the cart, noticing that Claire was on her own. Pushing the cart through security she saw Frankie as soon as the door opened and next to him Ben, Will and Santiago who all smiled at her, while she felt the first tears escaping her eyes.

She had met Ben and Will only a couple times, they were living an hour away, but they became part of the group immediately. Once upon a time her childhood best friend, Leah, was in that group too. Claire hadn’t thought of Leah in a long time. She had died in a car accident almost 12 years ago.

Arms pulled her in a warm embrace and even after years of not seeing each other for such a long time, she still noticed Frankie’s scent.

“We got you,” he whispered, kissing her hair. She sobbed once before she was pulled into Santi’s arms.

“Look at you,” he smiled before he looked down at her belly.

“And look at you?” he smiled and leaned down.

“Hello, this is your favorite Uncle speaking,” he winked, bending down to speak directly to her belly, making her chuckle.

“Oh please, we all know I’m gonna be the favorite, hey bean,” Will hugged her.

“Don’t listen to them baby girl, we know they're all gonna spoil you rotten,” she grinned, letting Ben kiss her cheek.

“So you’re staying?” Frankie asked and you nodded.

“I already called some realtors. I wanna get this over as quickly as possible. Already sold everything back in New York,” Claire said, looking at the two men who formed most of her teenage years.

“Okay. Let’s get you out of this airport first. You okay to stay with Frankie? He has the biggest house,” Santiago asked, pushing the cart as you slowly walked towards the exit with Ben’s arm around her shoulder.

“Uh… I don’t wanna impose. I could just take a room…”

“Fuck no. Stay at my place. It’s my Pa’s old ranch. I’m renovating it.”

“What? No way!” she said surprised but Frankie only nodded.

“Yeah after Liz and South America I needed something to keep me busy. Also needed more space for Elena,” he explained. A small smile sneaked to Claire’s face.

“I still can’t believe you’re a dad Frankie.”

“Can’t believe you gonna be a mom. Fuck we’re really adults now, huh?” he winked and Claire sighed.

“Certainly didn’t plan it that way. Or planned it at all,” she said sadly before she shook her head as if to get rid of the sad thoughts clouding her mind.

“I meant it, Claire. We got you. We are bored most times anyways.”

“Hey speak for yourself, Fish. I got a business,” Santi said.

“Yeah. Yeah. Me too. But after work you’re either drunk or after some pussy so?” Ben grinned, making her chuckle.

“So still no ladies in your life, boys?” Claire asked as they reached what definitely was Frankie’s truck. It had his company name on it. “Morales gardening”

“Nope. But now that you’re here we could finally….” Will started only for Claire to look away in disgust, making them all laugh.

“You ready to become a Daddy, Will?” she asked, her hands both on her belly.

“Uhm… of course?” he answered and she chuckled.

“That’s what I thought,” she patted his cheek.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You must be exhausted,” Frankie said and opened the door for her.

“We’ll see you tomorrow for the BBQ,” they all waved. She waved back, letting Frankie help her inside before he closed the door behind her and hopped into the driver’s seat.

“BBQ?” she asked.

“Can’t blame the folks from wanting to welcome you, bean,” he winked.

“What folks?”

“Ya know. Folks. You gonna see,” he looked at Claire. He felt better now that she was here. Frankie had missed her these last years, the couple of calls throughout hadn’t nearly been enough. And when she called two days ago in tears… He would have gotten the chopper and flown over but he couldn’t risk it. He had to be on good behaviour to be able to keep seeing his daughter.

“I missed you, Francisco,” she whispered.

“Missed you too, Bean.”

The sun was already setting when Frankie drove down a familiar path. Claire had spent countless days on this ranch when she was younger.

“How is your Dad doing?” she asked softly and Frankie sighed as he killed the engine in front of the house.

“I fucking hate that I can’t take care of him on my own, but he’s hanging in there.”

“I’d like to visit him if you’re okay with that,” she reached over squeezing his hand and he looked at her with a small smile.

“I bet he would love that.”

“And I’m sure he would have wanted it this way, Francisco. You know your dad. He wouldn’t have wanted you to drop everything for him. Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she said quietly.

“Damn I really missed you Bean,” he shook his head.

“Missed you too,” she let her head fall against his shoulder.

Claire didn’t really have eyes for the house, all she wanted was to go to sleep.

“I finished the guest room this morning for you,” Frankie said, setting one of her suitcases down as he opened the door.

“Please tell me you didn’t work overnight to finish this,” she sighed looking at him. He was rubbing the back of his head, pulling the cap he was always wearing down and avoiding her eyes.

Knowingly she shook her head, but couldn’t help the smile sneaking to her face.

“I won’t say it. But please don’t touch the walls, they might still be wet,” he said and she chuckled.

“Okay. Bathroom is over there. The shower isn’t working yet but you’re welcome to use mine. Will is coming over to take a look and make this one work. Other than that if you need anything just ask. Until you found a place this is your home.”

“You really didn’t have to do this, Frankie,” she said quietly, feeling overwhelmed by all of this. So many things had changed in such a short amount of time for her and she only now seemed to realize that she was indeed about to be a single mom.

“I wanted to. You’re… You don’t deserve to be treated like this. So let us help you, okay?” he said softly and she nodded but avoided his eyes.

“Okay. Go to sleep. My room is down the hallway if you need anything,” he stepped closer, kissing her forehead and for one tiny moment, she felt like the 15 year old teenager again who was crushing on Frankie Morales.

“Good night, Francisco,” she smiled.

“Good night, bean,” he whispered before he turned around and closed the door behind him.

Claire looked around, in awe of the room, the bed looking so inviting to her. Sighing she walked over to the window, knowing she would be able to see the whole property during the day. Crossing her arms in front of her she closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of nature that she had no idea she had missed living in the city for all these years. She felt a fluttering in her belly, her hand wandering down to feel a kick.

“We’ll be happy here, I promise,” she vowed, rubbing over her belly.

She didn’t want to disturb Frankie, even though she could hear the TV running so she just washed herself at the sink before she put her Pajamas on and sat down on the bed. She would unpack tomorrow. For now she had to sleep.

The sun wasn’t even up when Claire woke up. She turned in bed, propping herself up so she could look out the window and watch the sunrise. She had to make a plan. A plan that included finding a house, a doctor and help. Though help would be her smallest problem. She already looked at houses in the area and it didn’t look good. If she had more time she would buy the house just down this road, but there was no way the house would be ready before her due date. She would ask Santi for help. He had a lot of connections through his business. Though Frankie too. Claire knew that he had a little gardening company since he lost his pilot’s license. He never really talked about it, but then again, they didn’t talk that much. She knew that he had some problems with drugs in the past, but that he has been clean for almost two years and was doing better. She also knew that there was a lot more to this story then he had told her. Maybe they would have time to talk. To really talk. Groaning to herself, her quiet and peaceful morning was interrupted by her bladder. Time to start the day.

For a minute she wondered if she could risk sneaking into Frankie’s room to take a shower when she heard music playing. Grabbing her bathrobe and toiletries she opened the door and walked down. Now being really awake she had time to take in the house. It seemed like there still was a lot to do. The walls were still unpainted, the floors still old, though she could see he already started with the floor the closer she got to the kitchen.

Frankie was sitting at the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of him as the radio quietly played in the background. He had a serious case of bed hair and she smiled to herself. He hadn’t noticed her yet and she found herself thinking back to all the times she had thought that maybe there was something more in between them than friendship. And maybe there was at one point a long time ago. But that was before he joined the military. She might be selfish for it, but she couldn’t be in a relationship where her partner was gone all the time. She needed someone to be there. Even Though there had been times in the past she had found herself asking if maybe she should have risked it.

Instead she had slept with Santiago.

Yeah, that was a big fuck up. Well it was also a pretty good fuck but it was just once and they definitely were better off as friends. She still didn’t know if Frankie knew. Not that she had to explain herself. Frankie always knew what effect he had on the women around him, and he sure as hell took advantage of it. And now she felt nothing more than love for him. As a friend, nothing more.

“Good Morning,” she said quietly and Frankie turned his head, yawning at her.

Chuckling she walked over taking in the kitchen, setting her toiletries down.

“You weren’t kidding when you say you were still renovating,” she sat down next to him. He got up from his seat walking over to fix her a mug of tea.

“Still hooked on Strawberry tea, I hope?” he asked and she nodded, surprised that he remembered.

“Yeah. Though the kitchen and living room are supposed to be finished by the end of next week. So sorry for the noise in the next couple days,” he walked over and set down the mug of tea in front of her.

“Hey it’s your house. I’m just thankful you let me stay.”

“Of course. Couldn’t let you stay in the dumpster motel in this town,” he winked. She took a sip of the tea and it was perfect.

“So what are you planning for today?” he asked.

“I probably should start looking into houses. I’m kind of on a timetable here,” she rested one hand on her belly and Frankie followed her movement.

“Yeah. I think Pope already called someone for some houses. It’s not looking good.”

“Yeah I thought so. Everything I found on the internet was in really bad shape,” she sighed.

“It’s gonna work out. And if you don’t find something, you’re welcome to stay. The place is big enough,” he shrugged and Claire laughed quietly.

“Yeah I bet you can’t wait to live with a hormonal pregnant woman and then with a newborn,” she joked.

“I lived with Pope. Nothing can be worse and…”

“And?” she asked.

“I already lived with a hormonal pregnant woman. It’s not that bad,” he shrugged with a small smile. She looked at him with a small smile on her face.

“You say that now. Wait till I’m craving your mug cake at 3am now that I’m living with you,” she joked. Frankie laughed.

“Wow I haven’t had one of those in at least 10 years.”

“Well then it’s about time.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, looking at Claire. She looked more relaxed today, like she had a good night’s sleep and he was thankful he put in an overnight to finish the guest room for her. She deserved to relax. When she told him that she not only was pregnant but dumped by her fiance Frankie was furious, yet at the same time he already decided that he would take care of her and help her with everything she needed. It was the least he could do.

Even though they grew apart in the last years, she still was one of his best friends.

“Okay. I’m gonna go take a shower. I got to drive out to check on a project. You gonna be okay here for a while?” Frankie asked. Claire nodded, grabbing her mug of tea.

“Just tell me when you’re going out so I can take a shower,” she said.

“Thank you, Frankie,” she whispered when she stopped next to him and softly kissed his cheek, before she walked down the hallway. Frankie looked after her with a soft smile before he got up to get ready to head out.

Next chapter

[tooweirdforyou]

Straw Hats With A Shipmate! Who Lost Someone Special

A/N : For anyone who has lost someone dear to them, whether it was recently or long ago, it’ll be okay. There are times where we either hate ourselves, hold regret, or refuse to accept the reality, but no matter what, we have to accept the truth. These things happen and we have to deal with it. I know some of us like to bottle these feelings up instead of letting it all out. But I just want to say that it’s okay to let it out. Don’t keep the pain to yourself because it’s not going to make things better. Let it all out and bring peace to yourself some day. Everything will be okay.

Warning : mentions of death, negative, heartbreaking thoughts, etc. + MARINEFORD SPOILERS.

Note : I don’t expect you to read this, nor do I expect you to appreciate this. I don’t know my readers, so I don’t know how sensitive some of you are. I don’t normally write this kind of stuff either, hopefully this is the only time you’ll see this.

of course this will have a sweet ending.

This is also pretty long.

Summary : The crew witnesses their crew mate’s loss of a loved one, and notice that their shipmate is acting as if everything’s fine. They won’t accept that.

-

Everything was peaceful.

The crew was just sailing around the seas for a bit, enjoying their time together after two years apart from each other.

After Fishman Island, the others were just taking a breather and relaxing.

However, you knew that your home island was nearby. 

You wanted to visit it, which the crew agreed, since it let them experience your island and perhaps learn about where you came from.

Unfortunately, you didn’t know how horrible things have been since you were gone.

Nor did you ever expect to see someone so dear to you, die right before your eyes.

-

When you docked at the island, instead of a warm aura and a homely greeting from the civilians, the island was in ruins.

There was hardly anybody around, and the people that were still there, were all weak and barely alive.

Nothing was right, nor was anything left. Buildings in ruin and destroyed, fields and trees of the forests were burned and there was blood shed all over the ground.

Nothing could be seen but blood. It was truly a horrific sight to be seen.

The crew mates all stare at the sight in horror and shock.

After hearing your stories of how beautiful and amazing the island was and how kind the people were, they were definitely not expecting to see the opposite it was.

“Oi, this isn’t anything like you described. You sure we’re on the right island?” Luffy mindlessly comments, the others staring at Luffy like he was an idiot, Usopp clearly stating it aloud. “Oi, Luffy! Don’t say things so bluntly!”

You, ahead of the group and had an expression of fear and horror written all over, just snap back into reality and turn to Luffy, seeing the others staring at you.

“..I was thinking the same, Luffy.” You weakly smile as a forceful chuckle escaped your lips, you rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly. “I guess things can change when time passes.”

“Maybe we are on the wrong island..”

You weren’t. You knew you weren’t. This was the place where you were born and raised.

Although it was completely destroyed, you recognized some of what was left in the rubble, even some of the old people that were barely hanging on.

Your words were heard, the others noticed how quiet it was and already understood the truth. Something happened while you were away from home, and it wasn’t good from the looks of it.

“[Name]-chan... we don’t have to-“ Sanji starts but you only smile lightly at the crew. “It’s fine. Before we go back to the ship,.. can we look around a bit? It’ll be quick.”

They knew what you meant and what you wanted to do, all of them nodding. “Of course, take as long as you need. There’s no rush.” Robin assures softly, Nami nodding in agreement. “We’re here if you need anything.”

You nod at them and continue to lead the group through the streets, them following you in silence as Luffy kept his eyes on you.

You heard some of the groans and noise of discomfort and pain from the ones who were on the brink of death, your head lowering down as you bit your lip, trying to ignore them.

As much as you wanted to run to them and help them any way you can, you somehow already knew it was useless.

Whatever happened while you were gone, it was too damaging to be fixed. The many bodies that were spread across the town made sure of that.

In the back with the crew, you hear Brook, Usopp and Chopper freaking out every once in a while at the sight of the bodies, Sanji and Nami mentioning about feeling a bit sick and just shocked at the sight of them, while Franky, Luffy, Robin and Zoro all stare silently, many thoughts running through their head.

There was one thought they all had in common.

Just what the hell happened?

You continue to walk with your head down, before noticing an all too familiar house and look up, beginning to jog over towards it, a hopeful look in your eyes.

“W-Wait, [Name]!” Usopp calls at the others try to catch up. You ignore him and sprint towards what was left of the home and slam the door open accidentally.

“[ Special Someone ]!” You call out a bit too loudly, looking out frantically for them. “[ Special Someone ]! It’s [Name]!”

A small hum could be heard in another room, you rushing over just as the others arrived at the home.

You ran over and widen your eyes at the sight of them. [ Special Someone ] was leaning against the wall, breathing slow with many cuts and dried blood all over them.

Their clothes stained with the red liquid and the entire house was a wreck, with smashed furniture and shattered glass all over.

“[ Special Someone ]!” You shout in disbelief and horror, unable to process anything as you lunge yourself to the one person who was always by your side.

“[Name]..?..” they breathed out, weakly forcing themselves to sit upright more, you aiding them carefully, as their arms rested in their lap.

“Wow.. I can’t believe it.. how.. lucky.. I get to see you?..” [ Special Someone ] coughs out roughly, spitting a bit of blood out onto their hand as they did so making you even more shocked.

The crew enters the room with eyes wide as saucers. “[Name]?” Nami questions, mouth gaped at the sight of you kneeling beside a person on the brink of death.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you turn to Chopper pleadingly. “Chopper, please, help them!” You cry out with a shout, Chopper’s teary shocked eyes widening more as he nods quickly and rushed over with his bag.

Chopper sits on the other side of [ Special Someone ], opening his bag and grabbing out the proper supplies.

“[Na..me].. stop, I’m fine. There’s nothing.. you can do.” They insisted, turning to Chopper with a weak smile. “A rein..deer?.. how cute..” Chopper didn’t say anything as he continued to do his work, quickly examining the injuries they had before patching them up.

“Shut up, [ Special Someone ], Chopper’s going to help you, okay?! Now, tell me who did this to you?” You say, clasping their hand in yours as they cough once more and tilt their head back.

The others could only watch in silence with sad, concerned or pitiful looks at the sight, assuming that this person was someone so dear to you. They didn’t know who it was but they knew enough.

“... Marines..”

Everyone tensed at the word, a few of them in disbelief. Marines did this?

You didn’t say anything, your grip on their hand tightening as you chew on your inner cheek. “Marines, huh?...”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long ago did this happen?” Robin cautiously and slowly asks, [ Special Someone ] looking up at her.

They look away and flinch at bit at Chopper’s work as they whisper out an answer. “.. one week.”

No one expected that. Everyone’s eyes widened even more. One week!?

“S-seriously?! This happened one week ago?!” Brook shouts incredulously, Usopp trembling in his shoes. “T-This happened while we were on our way here?!”

Your breath hitched in your throat, your body frozen and completely lost in thought. This..happened.. in a week?..

You.. You could have done something.. if you just got here faster? You could have prevented all of this, if you just arrived sooner?

No, you couldn’t blame yourself. How could you have known? You weren’t at fault, right? Right?

“[Name]. It’s okay..” [ Special Someone ] turns to you with the all too familiar smile of theirs, it was a weak one, but it was still the same.

“Fate has it twisted sometimes, but it’s never wrong. If fate had this in its destined path for me, then I have to accept it. If I must die, I’m happy to have died being able to see you one last time.” They managed to speak out in one breath, forcing their smile wider.

[ Special Someone ] notices Chopper moving away from him slowly with saddened and regretful eyes. They knew the result and reason for it already.

You chose to ignore their words and scoff, feeling tears brimming your eyes. “Stop talking like that, it’s not time for you yet. It’s not too late. Right Chopper?!” You look up with teary eyes at the small reindeer.

“You can save them, right!? It’s not too late!”

Chopper would look down, pulling his hat down to cover his face as his lips trembled and quivered a bit. “[Name], I—“

“Chopper! You’re supposed to be the best doctor I know, so please, tell me it’s not too late!” You cried out, turning to look at the others.

The others already knew the answer too just from the look of Chopper and how weak [ Special Someone ] was quickly getting.

“Franky? Usopp? Zoro?” You call out to them, receiving no answer and just sad looks of pity and sorrow.

“Luffy!” You call out to your captain desperately, seeing his head tilted down with his hat shadowing his face.

“Everyone.. WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?!” Confusion ran over you, too worried and afraid to face the truth and have any sense.

Nami stares at you with her own tears threatening to fall, already knowing what was going to happen.

Chopper grips his hat tightly as he stares down, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping to the floor.

Sanji couldn’t stare at you, his eyes closing shut as he wished he could help you somehow.

Franky looks at you with a frown placed on his lips, staying silent because he thought it was best to remain so.

If Brook had eyes, he’d stare with sorrow and tears as well, also remaining quiet.

Zoro just shut his eyes, almost unable to watch you looking at them so desperately and pleadingly.

Robin looks a bit pitifully, sad eyes washing over her and over at you and your teary form.

Usopp felt tears threatening to stream down his cheeks as well, feeling regret and sadness for you, hands clenched tightly into fists.

Finally, Luffy still held no reaction, arms at his side, head still lowered. But he was trying hard not to get angry or tear up himself, this reminding him of Ace’s death a bit.

“[Name].. it’s too late.. I’ve already lost a lot of blood and my wounds are.. too hurt to be healed.. the damage is done..” [ Special Someone ] breathes out, a small smile forming on their lips.

“[ Special Someone ]... what are you saying?.. I..”

“[Name]..”

“Stop..” you look down, your hair covering your eyes as your lip quivered.

“I’m thankful you found people to keep you company..” they turn to the crew with a soft smile.

“Stop it..” you whispered, teardrops slowly falling.

“Thank you for taking care of [Name].”

The crew only smiled sadly at [ Special Someone ].

“STOP TALKING, ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU!” You cry out loudly, tears finally falling down your cheeks as you shouted. “[ SPECIAL SOMEONE ]!”

[ Special Someone ] only leans their head back and their breathing only shallows as they slowly lean down into your arms.

A small smile formed on their lips as they whisper out through your cries.

“I’m sorry... and thank you... [Name].”

“[ SPECIAL SOMEONE ]!”

Your scream and sobs filled the entire island as you clutched their body close to yours, eyes shut and cheeks soaked with tears as the tears drops fell onto their slowly dying body.

The crew watched silently, feeling their heart ache and sting at the sight of you sobbing and desperately clinging into whatever was left of your precious childhood memory.

-

Later that same night, after you were left alone to make a proper burial for [ Special Someone ], you returned to the crew, who sat waiting in the small home in silence.

“Everyone..”

Your voice would bring their attention to you and see the weak smile settled across your lips. “I’m sorry for wasting your time!... we can set sail now.”

They would be shocked to say the least. How could you ever think you were wasting their time? Much less, after such a traumatic and shocking event just hours prior.

“[Name], what do you mean? You weren’t wasting-“ You interrupt Usopp with a small forced chuckle.

“It’s okay, it was my fault. I should’ve known there wasn’t a point to come to this island, it’s kind of pointless considering how rundown and ruined it is now.”

“Wait, what’s going on, don’t you feel upset at all?” Nami asks with furrowed brows as she stands up to look at you.

You stare at her with a bit of wide eyes before closing them slowly and put on a big and bright smile.

Your words shocked them and made them speechless. They didn’t know what to say.

“Of course not! About what? There’s nothing to be upset about at all!”

Not even Luffy was sure what to say to that.

So it led them to heading to the ship to set sail the next early morning.

-

One day.

One day since the crew witness you experiencing and watching the death of a loved one right before your eyes.

Yet, here you were, all smiling and laughing in front of them, as if nothing happened at all. You were making jokes and trying to make the others laugh as well.

But they weren’t.

Sure, they gave sad smiles to you, a few of them offering weak or forced laughs in addition, but they couldn’t understand why you were acting like this.

Were you afraid to seem weak in front of them?

They weren’t sure but they knew something was up. But seeing you be so joyful as if nothing happened was too heartbreaking for them to say anything.

-

Three days.

Three days have gone by since the day you had witness the death of a loved one.

The crew was getting worried for you. They assumed maybe you were trying to be positive and remain happy in front of the crew, or maybe you really were over the death you witnessed first-hand but that was proven wrong just this morning.

The early morning, Sanji was getting ready to prepare breakfast when he heard noises in the aquarium lounge.

Confused, Sanji takes a peek in the room to see your shaking form, your back facing the doorway as you were curled up, hugging your knees.

He could hear your quiet cries as you hid your face into your knees, thinking you were alone to finally let it out.

Sanji could feel his heart break seeing you all alone, but as much as he wanted to comfort you, he knew it was better to leave you alone. Especially since you were acting like nothing was wrong just yesterday.

But he told the crew.

“I didn’t go up to them, out of respect for their privacy.” Sanji exhales, puff of smoke exiting his lips.

The others listened in silence to Sanji’s explanation of what he saw this morning.

Silence was brought upon the crew.

“..So they’ve been holding it in all this time.” Nami mumbles quietly, eyes saddening at the thought of how much you kept to yourself to keep up such a happy facade.

Thinking about how much you were struggling inside broke her heart.

“I can’t imagine how hard they’re struggling right now.” Brook spoke softly, looking down at the table.

Chopper had tears in his eyes at the thought. “[Name] is going through a lot and—! And we’re not there for them!” He cried out.

“What should we do now that we know what’s really going on these past few days?” Robin questions aloud, the question going through all their heads.

Zoro turns his head over to Luffy, who had been the most quiet ever since they ship left your island.

He was observant so he was watching your fake smiles closely and knew too well that you weren’t over it.

You were hiding yourself, and your feelings from the crew.

But hearing Sanji’s explanation of what he saw, seeing you all alone and crying to yourself made him fill with rage yet, also regret for not being there for his shipmate.

“DAMN IT!”

Luffy’s fist made contact with the wooden table roughly, almost breaking it into two as Luffy growls loudly. “HOW COULD THEY JUST KEEP IT ALL TO THEIR SELF?! WE’RE THEIR FRIENDS RIGHT?! WHY DON’T THEY JUST TELL IS SO WE CAN BE THERE FOR THEM?!”

“Luffy!” The others widen their eyes at Luffy’s outburst but they couldn’t exactly disagree with him.

Why didn’t you just tell them the truth of your feelings instead of putting on such a fake act? Didn’t you trust them at all?

“Luffy, you have to understand. It could be hard for [Name] to share this with us! They’re still grieving, so give it time. Okay?” Nami tries to calm down their Captain but it was no use. He wasn’t listening.

“I don’t care!” Luffy shouts, frustration building up. “We’re supposed to be friends, damn it, so why can’t they just tell us how they feel instead of being so positive all the time? It won’t change what happened, but coming to us so we can be there for them can help! That’s what we’re here for!”

“Just calm down! When [Name] is ready, I’m sure they’ll come talk to us. So settle down already and be patient!” Zoro shouts back, having enough of this.

He too was concerned and also frustrated with you for not talking with them but it wasn’t their choice.

It was yours, and they couldn’t do anything but be there when you were ready.

-

Five days.

[ Special Someone ], the person who always brought you joy.. comfort.. laughter.. and made sure you were the best you that you could be.

They stuck with you through all your ups and downs, all your pains and sorrows, all your anger, complaints and hatred..

Even with all your flaws, [ Special Someone ] never left your side once, always sacrificing themselves for your well-being.

Always making sure you were healthy, eating well, sleeping well, had fresh food and clothes everyday, and ensured that you could live with peace and not a worry in the world.

So why?

Why was someone so selfless, generous, caring, kind... why was someone like that not given the privilege to stay alive? How could someone like them die? After everything they did for you, why was it them and no one else?

Why? Why.. why did they have to die?

You turn onto your side on the bed, hands clenching the bedsheet as you thought about the same thing every day and night, the scene of them dying right in your arms replaying over and over for you every time you shut your eyes.

“Why?..”

Hugging your pillow tightly, you glance at the time on the wall and sigh, deciding to get up to greet the crew.

You sit up and get up from your bed, dusting your clothes and began getting ready, making sure you looked decent enough to show yourself to the others, before finally stepping out of the room.

When you finally step out, you see the whole crew on the main deck, doing whatever it is they do.

They immediately all turn to you when they heard footsteps. You look at them and blink softly before smiling brightly and waved. “M-Morning, you guys!”

‘Shit- please don’t have noticed that..’ you thought, hoping they didn’t notice your voice having cracked a bit.

It was quiet as they continued to stare at you, before Brook interrupts it.

“Yohohoho~... it’s the afternoon, [Name]-san..”

Your eyes widen a bit at your mistake. Did you really stay in bed for that long?

“Oh.. is it? I must’ve overslept..” you lightly laugh to ease the growing tension you felt but no one said anything in response.

“..[Name]-san.. have you been crying?” Robin questions softly, a small frown present on her face. Her question startles you as you shake your head immediately.

“What do you mean, Robin? I’m fine, I haven’t been crying at all.” Instinctively, you began wiping your eyes with your sleeves, which already sent answers to the crew.

“Seriously, what’s with you guys today? You’ve all been acting strange for a while.” You smile softly and pull at your sleeps.

“Maybe you guys just need a little adventure. Maybe-“

“Shut the hell up.”

Shocked, you turn to Zoro at his sudden blunt burst from the railing.

“Zoro!” Nami and Usopp hisses beside him, quietly scolding him for being so rude at the moment, making Zoro scoff.

“I’m rude? They just accused us for acting strange the past couple of days. I don’t disagree with them about us being a bit different lately, but they’re the one who’s been acting the strangest out of all of us. And you all know this too. Am I wrong?”

While you visibly flinch at his words, Nami and Usopp faltered a bit and looked away. “Still..”

“Zoro’s right.” Luffy, who had been quiet ever since two days ago when Sanji told them about your moment in the Aquarium Bar.

“Luffy?” Chopper questions softly from a distance, looking at their captain.

Luffy looks up and glares hard at you.

Behind his hard glare was a very faint soft expression with hurt eyes. Hurt, knowing that his shipmate was suffering and he couldn’t do anything to help them. Until now.

“Tell us the truth, [Name].” Luffy’s tone made your breath hitch from how serious he sounded. It wasn’t like a friend, it was like a captain. “Do you hate us?”

Your eyes widen at his question and you looked at him incredulously. “What? Of course not.” You immediately answered, brows furrowed.

That answer was obvious, so why did he ask?

“Okay. Are you happy with the crew?” He asks again, and you just stare at him in confusion. “I’m happy. I’ve always been.”

“...are you keeping secrets from us?”

All eyes were on you as you close your mouth and bit your tongue from saying more.

You stare at Luffy and tried to decipher what was going through his mind before closing your eyes.

“Not at all.”

“I thought our captain told you to tell the truth.” Zoro says instantly after your reply and you bit your lip slightly. “I did.”

“[Name]-chan..” Sanji sighs softly at your denial and stubbornness before Usopp frowns and spoke. “[Name]... I can tell when you’re lying and..”

“You guys, I’m fine, okay! Nothing is wrong, I’m not keeping secrets from you, so let’s just stop this and continue our day, okay?” You exasperatedly sigh, rubbing your head a bit as Franky shakes his head.

“[Name], I’m afraid we can’t.” He says, making you turn to him with a sigh. “Why? Why can’t you guys just-“

“We saw you crying alone, [Name]..” Chopper quietly mumbles, looking up sadly at you. “Why didn’t you come to us?..”

“I-“

“[Name].”

Luffy looks at you, his expression slowly softening as he stares at you deeply. “... you don’t have to be alone anymore. Actually.. you were never alone to begin with.”

You didn’t say anything and just looked away, hands clenched tightly and you bit your lip.

“I know what you’ve been going through. I felt the same two years ago in Marineford, okay? I..I felt so helpless and angry when Ace died.. I thought I was completely alone after losing him and I couldn’t live with myself.. because Ace died.. for me..”

You gulp at Luffy’s story with Ace, knowing fully well how heartbreaking it was for Luffy to be reminded of these memories, his last memory of Ace.

Hesitantly, you look up at Luffy to see pain and small tears brimming his eyes.

“It hurts a lot, [Name].. I know, alright? You feel all alone, and let regret, resentment, pain, sadness, everything, build up inside you, and you either hold it all in and put on a happy smile, or you could just let it all out and scream out the pain.” He continues, his jaw and hands clenching tightly as his tears fell down his cheeks.

The others stayed silent, all of them reminded of their own past and memories of when they lost a loved one, or when they felt completely alone with pain and regret.

Zoro, with Kuina.

Nami, with Bellemere.

Usopp, with Kaya.

Sanji, with Zeff.

Chopper, with Hiriluk.

Robin, with Jaguar.

Franky, with Tom.

Brook, with his whole crew.

Luffy, with his brothers.

You thought back to just a couple days ago with your own loved one dying in your arms and look down sorrowfully.

“I still think about it everyday, but I don’t feel as much pain or regret anymore. I’m almost thankful I survived.. why? Because it means I won’t leave you guys alone. I’m right here with you all, because you guys are my friends, my family!”

You feel tears brimming your own eyes, a few drops already falling down your cheeks.

“I’m not alone because I have you all by my side so I’m never alone! You all help me realize this and I eventually got over Ace’s death.. and even though I think about it everyday, I’m not alone anymore and I don’t cry about it too much. Because I have you and everyone else!”

You wipe at your eyes and sniff a bit, the others smiling softly at their captain, their hearts touched by his words as a few of them could feel themselves tear up.

“You’ve been crying by yourself, all alone these past few days, haven’t you?”

You didn’t answer. You knew the crew knew the answer already.

Luffy began make his way over to you, continuing to speak.

“It’s okay to be sad, to be hurt, to feel pain, and to cry. You could be angry, you can scream, you can sob, you can do anything you want.”

Luffy was now right in front of you, looking at you with a piercing expression.

“But you don’t have to be alone during these sad times. You never have to be alone again, because we’re right here.”

Luffy then tightened his fists and shouts right at you. “SO STOP KEEPING IT ALL TO YOURSELF AND SHARE YOUR PAIN WITH US! YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE BECAUSE WE’RE YOUR FAMILY AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU. SHARE YOUR PAIN WITH ME!”

He extends and spreads his arms out, glaring hard at you with tears in his eyes as your own widen at his shouts.

The others smiled wider when they see your tears streaming faster down your cheek and your expression soften as your body lunged itself into Luffy’s arms.

Your arms wrap around his neck and legs around his waist as Luffy immediately wraps his own around you tightly, your face buried into his neck.

Sobs screamed out from your voice, your throat burning but you didn’t care. You sobbed right into Luffy’s neck, his hearing might’ve been damaged but he didn’t care either.

“It hurts.. it hurts so much, Luffy.. why?” You sob out, clutching onto him tightly as you gripped his shirt. “Why did they have to die?! Why..”

Luffy didn’t say anything, just held you closer and just as tight.

The others felt themselves tear up more at your sobs and unable to help themselves, they also ran to join in the hug.

Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Chopper and Brook all jumped into the hug, all sobbing their own cries and tears, which made you and Luffy drop onto the ground with the others on top.

“[NAME]-CHAN!”

“[NAAAMEEE]!”

“[NAME]-SANNN!”

Franky wipes his own stream of tears as Robin and Zoro smiles at the sight of their crewmates.

Despite your sobs, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the others and sniffled, smiling genuinely at your family.

You should have known better than to keep it all in and to yourself. You weren’t alone.

You had family who loves you and were there right by your side, through all your joy and pain.

“Thank you, everyone. I’m so grateful..”

You smile wider and shouted loudly with closed eyes.

“Thank you, for loving me!”

-

A/N : y’all I-I teared up writing this-

I hit the maximum allowed per post wtf- I’m sorry this is rushed too ;~; I wanted it out quickly.

;-; I hope you enjoyed.

[pretchatta]

swoon june day 15: masquerade

this wasn't supposed to be one of the mature ones but I think it's ended up being too suggestive to call it teen. oops.

rating: mature; kanan jarrus/hera syndulla; 2.1k words

---

For most beings, traveling inconspicuously meant wearing more clothes. A cloak, a hood or a full-face helmet made for a great disguise and could hide a person such that a casual observer wouldn’t look twice.

For Hera Syndulla, the opposite was true.

A twi'lek pilot was a rare sight in the galaxy. While her usual clothes blended in with most of the places she visited, there were always a few double-takes when people noticed her lekku. No-one expected to see a twi’lek in overalls and flying goggles, especially not a woman.

The result was that, for Hera, the easiest way to avoid attention was to remove clothes.

She would swap her cap and goggles for wrapping her lekku, wear something skimpy and revealing, and smear a bit of makeup over her cheeks. It was perfect – everyone looked right past her.

She hated it.

Her chosen aesthetic for today's recon was bar-dancer-on-a-break. Her skintight bodysuit felt like it was more negative space than material, with its low-cut neckline and several geometric shapes cut out of the sides and legs. The evening air was balmy enough that she didn’t need a jacket, and she felt very exposed. The chunky necklace she had accessorised with felt more like a slave collar than jewellery, and she shuddered as she wondered if that was why the look was so popular.

Hera resented the reason why an outfit like this worked so well. Her people had become almost synonymous with slavery, despite their numerous achievements as individuals and as a species. And yet here she was, donning the stereotype like a costume, reinforcing it to anyone who saw her. She just wanted to finish her recon, get back to the Ghost and take the whole lot off. In a normal way, not putting on a show for anyone.

Well, maybe she'd let Kanan watch. He was the only being in the galaxy she trusted to still see her as a real person afterwards. He would also never ask for it. If she ever did something like that for him, it would be because she wanted to do it, and because she knew he would take only what she was willing to give; he wouldn’t ask for more. A year of being more-than-crew had shown her just how selfless a lover he could be.

She shook her head to clear the train of thought as she approached the spaceport. It only took a few moments for her to realise she'd need to use the other advantage the outfit offered to get inside, for the place was crawling with stormtroopers. There had been a few on the main gate when she and Kanan had left earlier that day, but now she could see them patrolling the perimeter in pairs as well as actively checking the IDs of everyone trying to get in.

Hera sighed. She wanted to believe it had nothing to do with Kanan, but her hopes were not high. He was always finding trouble. Still, if she could get back to the Ghost then even if he wasn't able to meet her she could always fly out to his position and save him from whatever hairy situation he would undoubtedly be in.

She made her way around to one of the lesser-used entrances she'd been scouting on her recon, hoping for an easier way inside, but found it also guarded. The surrounding street was empty, however, and she could work with that.

Hera adjusted her well-padded cleavage in preparation for what she was about to do. Taking a deep breath, she fortified herself by squeezing one breast. The hard press of the small blaster tucked amongst the padding – the real reason she’d sewn extra into the bodysuit – reassured her that at least she wasn’t going in unarmed.

The two troopers standing guard noticed her as soon as she stepped into the road. Exaggerating the sway of her hips as she walked, she drew her lekku over her shoulders to twirl the end of one between her fingers. The troopers watched her approach.

"It is okay to go into the spaceport?" she asked with wide, innocent eyes. Her old Ryl accent came back to her easily, adding to the charade.

"We have to check your ID before you can go in," said the shorter trooper. He stood perfectly straight, holding his blaster a little higher than his fellow guard, who was leaning against the wall somewhat more casually. Hera guessed the one speaking to her was newer to the ranks of the Imperial army, and she hoped he wasn’t still sticking to the regulations so diligently that he would prevent her from doing what she needed to do.

"Oh… I have left my ID at home today,” she pouted, tilting her chin up and subtly pushing her chest forward. “I only want to visit my sister who runs that little food stand just inside for lunch. I won't be going anywhere – I have only ten minutes left of my break.”

The trooper was shaking his head. “We can’t let you in without ID.”

It would’ve been nice if that alone could have worked, but she hadn’t expected it to. She took a half-step closer to him and lowered her voice to a sultry purr.

“There is no way I could persuade you?”

He shifted nervously. “W-what do you mean?” he asked, glancing at his companion. “Like, credits?”

Another half-step closer, and she managed to tilt her head so that she could look up at his visor through her false eyelashes, even though they were a similar height.

“I don’t have any credits, but I’m sure there is something I can do for you,” she murmured. She was exaggerating the accent, rolling each resh and turning every thesh into a senth.

“Uhh… You – you mean…” he stammered. Hera heard a soft snigger from the other guard. Hopefully he would find this amusing enough to let her drag the rookie around the corner. She only needed to separate them; the rest was easy from there.

She cut him off by pointing down the road. “There’s an alley where I can show you what I mean. I think it even has a clean patch of ground that will not get my knees dirty.”

“Your – your knees–”

"Tell you what, kid,” the taller one said, finally pushing himself upright from the wall. “You watch the door and I'll sort out her payment."

That worked too. It didn’t matter which one went with her; stormtroopers were easy to take down individually when they weren’t expecting an attack.

They left the bewildered rookie to his post as Hera led the more seasoned soldier to the alley she’d pointed to. As they rounded the corner and out of sight of the door, she tossed one lek over her shoulder and turned to face him, breathing in deeply so that her chest rose noticeably. Now she knew where his attention would be focused.

Her fist swung up in a quick jab to his neck. She was aiming for the gap between his helmet and shoulder armour, where a hard enough blow should incapacitate him for at least a few seconds. Her other hand went for his blaster to disarm him.

But he was faster than she anticipated. Much faster; it was almost like he was ready for her. One gloved hand caught her fist, stopping it in its tracks, while the other dropped the blaster to the ground completely. Hera immediately twisted out of his grip and pulled out her own gun. She’d hoped to do this quietly, but making a scene was better than getting arrested.

The trooper quickly stepped back and pulled his helmet off.

“Woah, stop, it’s me!”

Hera was momentarily dumbfounded.

“Kanan?”

“Yes! Could you maybe put that down?” He indicated to her blaster, which was still pointed at his head. She dropped her arm to her side.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, dropping her accent to speak like her usual self again.

Kanan looked sheepish. "Well, I was hoping for a-"

"I mean in stormtrooper armour, guarding the spaceport!” she interrupted. “And do you really think I was going to go through with that? I didn’t even know it was you under there!"

“I thought you’d recognise my voice!” he protested.

She looked at him incredulously. “Not coming from under a bucket! And not when I wasn’t expecting it!”

"Okay, yeah, I realise I maybe didn’t think that one through,” he admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck. “But when I heard they’d increased security I was worried about you, so I was keeping an eye out to make sure you could get back to the Ghost. I thought you'd try one of the side entrances and this was the closest one to where you were going to finish your recon."

She opened her mouth to berate him again but realised it was actually a pretty good plan. Not to mention sweet – it couldn’t have been easy to take that guard’s place. He was lucky to have found one with a rookie for a partner. Maybe he hadn’t caused whatever it was that had got the Imperials worked up, either.

“Alright, your thoughtfulness has redeemed you.” She tucked her blaster back into its hiding place, noticing how his eyes followed her hands for a few moments before snapping back to her face when she continued. “Let’s get out of here.”

"You sure you want to go right now? We’re probably not expected back out there for a while yet..."

She could tell he was at least half-joking.

"Really?” She gave him a raised eyebrow. “I was lying about the clean patch of ground, you know. This alley is filthy, and I want to change."

"Okay, okay, I get it." He at least had the decency to look chastened, but she wasn’t really upset with him. She just wanted to go home.

"Just stun your friend and we can get back to the Ghost, love," she said gently.

He gave her a small smile before putting the helmet back on and retrieving his blaster. A few seconds later she heard the stun blast and followed him back to the road, where he was dragging the rookie’s unconscious body away from the entrance to hide it behind some crates.

Inside the spaceport, no-one stopped them. She was just a citizen with an escort, nothing to worry about. The Ghost was exactly as they’d left it this morning, and Chopper only needed a little encouragement to open up and let Kanan in. When the ramp closed behind them, Hera sighed in relief. It was good to be home.

She had to remind traffic control that she would have already had her ID and intent checked at the entrance to the spaceport. They begrudgingly gave her clearance to take off, and she heaved a deeper sigh as the Ghost entered hyperspace. They were away, no-one was watching her now, and she could be herself again. Kanan and Chopper didn’t count; they both saw her for who she was. They were as much her home as the ship.

Beside her, Kanan pushed himself out of the co-pilot’s chair. "I'm going to get out of this armour, then I'll fix that squeaky vent in the ‘fresher that you've been complaining about."

She heard him cross to the door.

"Oh, Kanan, could you hold on a moment?" she called over her shoulder.

He paused with one hand on the door control. "What is it?"

Hera engaged the autopilot and got out of her chair to slink over to him.

"I know I said I wanted to change, but there’s a problem,” she began, stepping close to him and lightly running a finger over his chestplate. “See, there's a stormtrooper guarding the door, and I need to figure out a way to get past him."

She glanced up at Kanan and saw he was grinning. "Maybe you could offer him something," he suggested.

She pushed herself up onto her toes so that their faces were level, her eyes on his mouth.

“I wonder what he might accept,” she whispered, her lips barely an inch from his own.

Then she closed the gap and kissed him with a slow, simmering heat. His arms came up to hold her, one hand stroking along her back. It worked its way around to her side, sliding up until his thumb brushed the side of one breast.

He broke away abruptly with a serious look in his eyes.

“You put the safety on your blaster, right?”

She gave him a sly smile. “Why don’t you check for me?”

His answering grin was accompanied by both hands sliding up her sides, and then he was giving a very thorough and enthusiastic check for hidden weapons.

[zorobae]

Okay, so after not reading One Piece for more than a year, I caught up on all the chapters I missed by now and just wanted to write down my thoughts~ I also intend to make edits again. It’s been a while, though, I hope I still remember how lol. First and foremost, I’m really glad to be reading Oda-sensei’s great writing and to be in this world again, so to say. I missed this consistently-good quality of writing, the blend of action+emotion+humor and of course, I missed my adorkable Strawhat crew ^-^ I stopped reading where the second Wano Act ended so I picked up from there until chapter 1009. A lot of the chapters in Act Three are flashbacks from Kozuki Oden's life. He is an interesting and well-thought-out character, to say the least. I found it quite hard to wrap my head around his demise, though. That was just too... unfair. But then, if the point of that incident is to make us readers despise Kaido more; mission accomplished. I gotta say, for me, the highlight of those flashbacks was to see the Whitebeard pirates. The way that crew treated each other like family and they all called Whitebeard "pops" will never not be endearing to me. I lk hate that Oda indirectly brought up Ace in Oden's flashback (when Roger talked about his unborn son). Maybe I'm just overly emotional but I think it's a testament to Oda-sensei's writing that any reminder of Ace still makes me sad. I think that Toki and her relationship with Oden was also quite sweet. Oda-sensei never spends too much time on romance but he still manages to give those relationships weight. I was moved by how perfect Oden and Toki were together, how understanding and supportive of each other. When Toki said "we are not your weakness", right after she lost her husband... that was a powerful moment imo.

Coming back to present time; it's actually stupid how happy it made me to see Jimbei finally catching up with Luffy and all now ten Strawhats reunited! Didn't last long of course but hey, at least they're all still on the same island this time xD I’m so glad that Jimbei joined the crew for good now - the traditional toast to a new crew member has yet to come, though. And I wonder if maybe Yamato, even if just temporarily, might also join. Yamato is a badass character so far. I think her weird pretense as Oden is a bit off-putting but I still like her. I am actually confused about her gender identity now, though. Does he actually identify as male himself or is that solely because he’s pretending to be Oden? What she’s doing seems to be “identity theft” rather than being genderqueer. But either way, it hasn’t been confirmed yet. I really hope Oda-sensei will confirm her gender soon. For now and until we get any confirmation, I’ll still headcanon her as genderfluid. I definitely think it’s easy to tell that she’s genuine in her support for the Kozukis and the Strawhats. Also, there were some flashbacks with Ace... I both hated and loved those. Yamato, having to tell Ace he mentioned his brother too often was not okay TT-TT Speaking of Ace’s brother, Oda-sensei hinted that Sabo got announced dead but as is the rule with OP; if there is no corpse, he ain’t dead.

I haven’t checked how far the anime is but the rest of my thoughts might be spoilery so I’ll put them under a cut~

Luffy and Zoro are my faves but Is2G, I love all ten of the Strawhats with all of my heart. And yet, there’s one Strawhat who I always hope will do better but .... /sigh/ They are outnumbered 6:1 and somehow, Sanji still lets himself be distracted by women. And not even friendly ones but women who are also his enemies. Luffy and Jimbei assumed that Sanji stayed back to clear distractions for them - which was really sweet but not exactly true. I can’t believe there are fans who are arguing about who’s the #2 among the Strawhats. I mean, Zoro is fighting against Kaido and Big Mom and protecting his Captain as best as he can while Sanji got caught in Black Maria’s net cuz he’s a huge perv. And some fans still feel the need to debate who’s better.... Okay then. It’s not unexpected but it’s just disappointing cuz we all know how strong, protective and determined Sanji is. He can be better than this. I hope that he, and all Strawhats, will get their moments to shine at some point during the rest of this arc. Well, actually Chopper might have already gotten his moment when he cured the Ice Onis. That was pretty badass, and got even better when he punched Queen and reminded everyone he ain’t a racoon-dog teehee

Right now, at the end of chapter 1009, it looked like Big Mom would fall off of Onigashima. If she really does, it’ll probably take a while before she can fly back up somehow and anything like that would obviously help Luffy, Zoro, Law and Kidd. I wonder how tf Kaido can both keep the island floating and also fight at the same time. If they should defeat him while it’s still floating, is the whole island gonna crash down? Anyway, I can’t wait for Luffy to kick Kaido’s ass. I’m kinda hoping Momonosuke or one of the Akazaya or maybe Yamato will deliver the final blow or something. I also hope Oda-sensei won’t give us ten or so chapters of Kaido’s tragic past cuz I really don’t care lol. I’d rather see Oden’s dream of an open and peaceful Wano fulfilled~

[scaryscarecrows]

Breathe In, Breathe Out (Let the Human In)

AN: Happy deathday, Jason! Title from Of Monsters and Men's 'Human'. Arkham Asylum alternate ending thingy.

TW for attempted suicide.

* * *

It’s the Joker’s fault.

Well, okay, fine, it’s ninety percent the Joker’s fault and ten percent Cobblepot being a nosey Nellie, but because she hates him and he isn’t her boss, Dove is going to lay all the blame on the clown.

And he’s the one who made this spectacle, so there.

Whoever’s fault it is, Cobblepot demanded they trek to Arkham. He says that it’s because he’s a donor and has rights to see what’s going on. Dove knows for a fact he hasn’t donated a damn cent since his stint as the mayor way back when, but he’s playing at being Legal for now and, well, she’s curious too. Batman is there. Arkham’s got a pretty full house tonight. And the news is saying something about monsters.

The news is not wrong. Batman is here, on the roof, with--

Oh my God.

That’s. That’s Joker, but...but he’s done something to himself. Something awful. He’s monstrous, with...with spines (no, not spines, his spine, his bones) jutting up out of his torn back, and he’s. He’s huge, big enough to pick up Batman. And Dove’s been up close to Batman before, been picked up by the guy, even. He’s not small.

“What’s going on?” Cobblepot demands. He’s not alone. She recognizes some of the men gathered here, at the police barricade. Most of them are as corrupt as they come. “Jim! Jim, come here, I demand--”

“You don’t get to demand anything--”

Above them, Joker laughs. Dove has faith that Batman will stop him. He always does.

(He has to.)

She ducks, though, when the clown turns to peer down at them, and turns her head away. And that’s the only reason she sees the thin, trembling shadow stumbling out from one of the buildings.

Between the floodlights and the chopper, the lawn’s lit right up. The orange jumpsuit sticks out like a sore thumb and her first thought is ZSASZ.

“Harvey!” Harvey Bullock turns, toothpick already half-shredded in his teeth. “There’s a--”

“Shit--”

The shadow goes down and no, that’s not Zsasz. There’s hair. Harvey approaches so Jim can deal with this shitshow, turns the man(?) onto his back. There’s silence, followed by a horrified, “What the fuck?”

“What now?”

“What is going on--”

“Harvey?”

An explosion draws Jim back to his radio, shouting at the chopper to GET BACK GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW. Dove risks inching towards Harvey and the orange shadow.

“Harvey?”

“Jesus Christ…” He’s all but sitting on his hands. “Jesus Christ, kid, what happened to you?”

Kid? That’s a kid?

“Who is that?”

He looks up, hat falling off.

“I think it’s Robin.”

No, Robin would be...up…

Oh.

Oh, my God.

She does go closer at that, and it is Robin. Not the current one, the new one, but the one before. The one Joker...Joker’d got hold of him...God, over a year ago, now, sent a tape out a few months back.

He’d been dead. Finally, Dove remembers thinking guiltily, out of his misery.

But apparently not. He’s older than she remembers (of course he is), but...but there’s a brand on his face, a goddamn ‘J’ burned into his skin like he’s a piece of meat rather than a boy, and he’d had that…

“Robin?” she whispers. “Can you hear me, sweetheart?”

He’s breathing, harsh, ragged gasps that stutter and catch (broken ribs or scared or...?), and he flinches when Joker starts laughing again.

“What did that bastard do to you, kid?” Harvey breathes, finally inching out a hand to brush against the orange jumpsuit. The thing’s hanging off the kid’s frame and it’s stained and torn. “Jesus…”

Robin’s eyes flicker open, and a second later he jolts upright for all of four seconds before collapsing back to the grass.

“No no no--”

“Robin. Robin! Look at me, sweetheart, c’mon, you’re okay, you’re okay, just--”

He freezes, eyes going from the medical building to Harvey to her. Then he swallows, hard, and whispers, “This is real?”

Harvey shucks off his coat and lays it over him as gently as possible.

“Here you go, kid. Just. Just stay real still, huh? Everything’s fine. You’re fine.”

“You promise--you promise you’re not--”

“Shh.” Dove reaches over, intending to just...ruffle his hair, or something, and he flinches back, eyes squeezed shut like he thinks she’s going to hurt him.

“No no please m’sorry m’sorry--”

“Don’t be sorry, honey.” Jesus… “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re okay, you’re gonna be okay, it’s over. We’re not gonna hurt ya, honey, I promise.”

He just lies there, shuddering under Harvey’s coat, and finally opens his eyes to look up at the sky.

“S’over?” he breathes. “I...you promise…” He cuts himself off with a choked sob and spits out, “I can’t go back.”

Jim’s suddenly there, confused and demanding to know, “What’s going on? Who the hell--”

Robin jerks at the suddenness of it all and the next thing Dove knows, he’s jolted up and all but crawled into her lap.

“What the hell--”

“Please--”

“Dammit, Jim, now look what you did--”

“Sh-sh-sh, kiddo, s’just Jim. S’just Jim.” Robin the Second is not pocket-sized. Once upon a time, almost. Enough. But pocket-sized or not, he’s emaciated and feverish and terrified. “S’just Jim.”

“It’s Robin,” Harvey’s explaining, voice cracking and shocked. “Jesus, Jim, it’s fuckin’ Robin, Joker didn’t--he’s still alive--”

Robin cringes at another explosion, scrunching down and burying his head against her neck with a whimper. Dove risks touching the back of his head, and when he doesn’t panic, runs her fingers through his hair. It’s matted and stiff and there’s a lump at the base of his skull.

“Shh, shh,” she murmurs. “It’s okay, you’re okay...we gotcha, we gotcha…”

“Mm--”

“Shh, Robin--”

“Jason,” he whispers, so quiet that she nearly misses it. “S’Jason--h-he would’a come for Robin an’ he left me with him--”

That is a can of worms she’s not getting into.

“Okay. Okay, Jason.”

He’s quiet after that, breathing slow and careful and clearly trying to calm himself down. And he’s almost there, or at least he’s not crying anymore, when Batman is suddenly there.

“Jim--”

Jason flinches and tries to curl into a ball, whispering, “Nonono I can’t do this again I can’t do this again…”

Batman stills and sinks into a crouch. Jason’s trembling in Dove’s arms and when Batman half-reaches towards him he all but knocks her over trying to get away.

“Shh, baby, shh, s’just Batman--”

“Get away!” He pulls free and crab-crawls backwards before collapsing on the grass. “Get away from me--please--”

She’s seen Batman be still before, but not like this. He’s, well, he’s shocked. Jason’s shuddering with dry sobs, and when Batman does finally move again, he squirms back behind Dove.

“Sweetheart, no one’s gonna hurt you--”

“You left me!” He jabs an accusing finger at the Bat. “You left me with him, you replaced me, you left me to die!” He struggles to his knees, wheezing. “Joke’s on you, Batman, I didn’t! So tell them! Tell them what happened, just...just…” He wobbles and winds up curled on his side, shaking. “Where the hell were you?”

Batman just looks at him like he can’t believe he’s here and breathes, “I thought you were dead.”

To be fair, that was...everyone did. Joker had sent that tape around, laughing all the while, and…

“Not the whole time,” Jason spits. “You replaced me in what, a week? If? Come on, Batman, quit hiding behind your pathetic excuses! World’s greatest detective, my ass, if you were, you would. Have. Looked.”

“Robin--”

“I’m not Robin anymore! Robin’s dead!” He pauses, and a sick smile creeps over his face. “Or. I guess not, huh? You got a nice, shiny new one! Where’d you find this one, the Wal-Mart parking lot? Amazon dot fucking com? Inquiring minds wanna know!”

Batman’s still and silent. Twenty feet away, the Joker’s being loaded onto a gurney. He’s normal-sized again, looks like shit (good), and giggling; until he thrashes his head.

And sees what’s going on.

Joker doesn’t laugh all the time. That’s a common misconception. But he laughs enough that when he stops, when that smile drops, that most people would rather be locked in a room with Scarecrow than be anywhere near him.

And he’s not laughing now.

“How did you…”

Jason freezes, smile vanishing. He manages, somehow, to go even paler before curling into a small ball, arms over his head.

“Get that animal out of here,” Batman snarls, and Dove’s never heard him sound like that. She’s not scared of the Bat...but tonight, she could be.

“How did you get out, you sorry little brat?!” The clown jerks against the restraints and they rattle. They’re not gonna give, surely they’re not gonna give, he’s small again--

Batman’s suddenly right up against him, hand at his throat.

“That’s enough.”

Joker looks from Jason to Batman and back again before plastering that godawful grin back on his face.

“You don’t think he wants you back, do you?” His voice is strangled. “Not after everything you’ve done--oog!”

Mercifully-finally-Batman slams his head back hard enough to either knock him out or shut him up. Dove doesn’t care which. He steps back, turns around, and finds Harvey Bullock in his space.

Harvey...Harvey talks a big game. But he’s a big old softie, really, and he had a fondness for Robin the Second*. And a long-standing distrust of Batman. With everything that happened, that distrust had only grown.

“I think you owe the kid some answers,” he says, voice trembling with barely-suppressed rage. “Where were you, exactly? How did you miss this?”

“Get out of my way, Bullock.”

“How long was he missing before you mentioned it? Or kidnapped the current one, huh? If you’d kept that pointy nose of yours out of our cases for once--”

“Bullock--”

“--you might’ve found him!”

Batman is, surprise, surprise, silent. Dove knows this kind of silence; men get like this before they. Before they hurt people.

“Bullock,” he says at last, voice very, very, low, “step aside before I force you aside.”

He’s bloody, holding one arm funny, and breathing far too evenly. Even Jim’s wary now, one hand inching towards his gun. Harvey huffs.

“Screw you,” he says, but he’s not dumb enough to fight Batman, and he steps aside. Batman’s still pissed, still ready for what Dove knows will be a one-sided fight, but he manages a stiff nod before turning that laser-focus back to Jason.

Jason’s still huddled in a ball. The fight’s gone out of him, the insane smile and that...that shine in his eyes. He’s not looking at Batman though, or at Joker. He’s just curled over his knees, arms wound around his ribs and head ducked down. Defensive, ready for a beating.

“Hey-hey, baby,” she murmurs, “no one’s gonna hurt you. Come on now, you’re okay.”

Jason uncurls a little, eyes wide, and before anyone can react he’s lunged at Jim and gotten the pistol out of his holster and aimed it at Batman.

“M’not doing this again,” he says, carefully flat. “M’not falling for it.”

“Robin--”

“Kid--”

“M’not falling for this again!” His eyes are wide and tears are running down his cheeks, but his hands are steady. Too steady. “I remember! I learned my lesson! M’not gonna let you get close enough to beat the crap outta me again!”

“Robin,” Batman breathes, and he’s not scary anymore. He’s just a man. “Robin, I never--”

“Stay back!”

Everybody knows Batman can disarm people in the blink of an eye. Dove’s not so sure he can get that gun from Jason before he pulls the trigger.

Jesus Christ, what did Joker do to him…

“All right,” Batman says softly. “All right. I’ll stay right here, and you can put the gun down--”

“No!” The word echoes off the buildings, a frantic, NONONONONONONONONO! “You think I’m stupid?” He laughs. It’s a flat, angry laugh that reminds Dove uncomfortably of the Joker. “You always did, huh?”

“I never--”

“Shut up!” Now he’s starting to shake a little and she sees Harvey shift, just a bit. Jason doesn’t appear to notice. “Just shut up, stop talking to me!”

“Hey. Kid.” What the fuck, Harvey? “C’mon, look at me.” Harvey steps closer. “C’mon. He’s not gonna get ya, just look at me.”

Dove doesn’t think he will, but she’s proven wrong. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t lower the gun, but he looks at Harvey.

“Good. Good, kid. Now just calm down, okay? No one’s gonna hurt ya, this isn’t…” He takes another step. “This isn’t like that.”

“No, no…”

“Hey. You’re not gonna break my heart an’ tell me I laid a finger on ya, are ya?” Harvey manages, God knows how, to give Jason a real smile. “And you know Dove’s not gonna hurt ya, right? You’re out, kid. You’re okay. So Bats is a bit of a dope--” Batman radiates mild offense. “--but he’s been lookin’ all over the place for you. So come on. Put the gun down.”

People underestimate Harvey sometimes. He’s a disaster, smokes too much and doesn’t clean and yeah, his landlord did try to murder him that one time and Dove could totally see where he was coming from, but...he’s a good guy. Mostly. He’s the kinda cop that she would’ve talked to as a little girl, y’know? He does his best for this hellhole of a city.

Jason’s arms shake and the guns do start lowering. Dove’s just thinking maybe he’ll be okay when he looks back at Batman and whispers, “I can’t.”

“Can’t what, Robin?” Batman’s voice is very, very soft. “Talk to me, son.”

Jason hiccups and spits out, “I killed people! Beat ‘em to death because they looked like you, they looked like you, they were gonna kill me--”

Jesus. Jesus Christ--

Jason’s still blubbering, voice thick and angry and horrified.

“--you’re not gonna want me anymore and I can’t go back to him I can’t I can’t--”

“You’re not going back to him,” Batman insists. “You’re never going back to him, we’re going--”

“No.” Jason swallows and when he speaks again, his voice is steady enough. “No. S’okay, B. There’s no fixin’ me, I know. S’okay.”

He raises the gun again, presses it to his head.

“M’sorry.”

Dove doesn’t see Batman move. One minute he’s over there, and the next minute, Jason’s disappeared under a shadow and the gun’s out of his hand. Jim grabs it and backs away.

Batman stands up, keeping Jason’s arms behind his back. Jason’s slumped forward, breathing hard.

“Listen to me,” he says, the softness of his tone a stark contrast to the firm restraint, “there is nothing you could do that would make me leave you with that monster. I promise.”

“But I--”

“Agent A’s missed you,” he continues. “And Nightwing, and. And Batgirl. I’m sorry, Robin, for failing you. But I never left you, and I certainly never replaced you. We can fix this, at home.” He sighs. “Come home, son.”

Jason bursts into tears, legs buckling under him, and Batman turns him around to hug him.

“Dad--”

“I’ve got you,” Batman murmurs. “I’ve got you. We’re going home right now.”

Dove wonders how-they all saw the destroyed car, Cobblepot had laughed about it-when there’s a noise that can only be described as Hell dropping out of the sky and a…

Oh. Right. Batman not only has a car, he also has a goddamn plane. Because that’s just something that he needs.

The plane lands on the lawn. Batman picks Jason up-looks a little awkward, with the growth spurt the kid’s managed-and turns around.

Nobody tries to stop him. Nobody even says anything until the plane’s in the air, and then Harvey sighs, flicks his toothpick away, and turns to Dove.

“Fuck it,” he says roughly. “You got a cigarette?”

She should say no. He’s been tryin’ to quit, doin’ real good, but…

She needs a smoke too, after that.

“Here.”

THE END

*Canon! (It’s mutual. It’s precious.

[acmetraitor]

the art of evasion

“You two did a lot together,” Hawkins says outside the coliseum in Rome, and that draws Jules out of her reminiscing, draws her away from the memory of Carmen’s victorious smirk when they finally slapped the cuffs on the boss of that smuggling operation. “What happened? I mean, why did she leave ACME?”

“...Maybe I’ll tell you sometime,” Jules manages to reply around the rising lump in her throat. “For now, let’s concentrate on tracking her down.”

It’s easier to dodge the question than to admit she has no idea.

~

Carmen was always a loose cannon, even back when she worked for ACME.

Once, on a stakeout in the dead of night, she and Jules trailed a suspect to a warehouse where the heads of a trafficking ring were temporarily hiding out. Carmen peeked inside to survey the situation while Jules called the Chief to send backup, but any teams were at least two hours away and the culprits were already in the process of clearing out.

“There’s no time,” Carmen concluded. “We have to catch these guys ourselves, now.”

“We can’t!” Jules hissed in protest. “There’s got to be at least ten of them in there!” 

“Fourteen,” Carmen said. “But we have these.” She pulled out two pairs of night-vision goggles from her bag and shoved one into Jules’s hands. Then she dashed for the circuit breaker before Jules could stop her.

Once the lights went out, it was too late to turn back, so Jules went along with her partner’s crazy plan as her heart hammered in her throat the whole way. In the end, with the cover of darkness as their aid, they successfully neutralized all the suspects, but Carmen got a bullet graze wound to her shoulder because one trigger-happy goon got lucky.

After everything was over, Jules punched her in that shoulder. Carmen laughed through the pain.

That’s just who Carmen was. She knew she could do anything, she was an unstoppable force, and nobody could ever hope to rein her in. Not even Jules. So whatever reasons Carmen had for leaving ACME, she made that choice on her own, and everyone who blamed Jules for her partner’s betrayal honestly gave her too much credit.

Nothing Jules did could have made Carmen leave.

(Nothing Jules did could have made Carmen stay.)

~

Hawkins thinks he can do anything. He almost reminds Jules of Carmen in that sense, except Carmen didn’t think she could do anything, she knew it. And Jules knew it, too. Hawkins, though, is still an impulsive and overconfident rookie, and he doesn’t truly understand what he’s up against.

Jules cautions him in Cape Town, keeps him from breaking down the door because recklessness will only get them in trouble. But then Carmen leaves the scene in her chopper, and Hawkins is livid.

“What were you thinking, Jules?!” he cries. “Did you want her to get away?!”

He doesn’t really mean that, Jules knows, he’s just lashing out because he’s frustrated. But those words still hit her, somewhere deep inside.

So Jules dodges the question. She’s found herself doing that a lot with Hawkins.

~

What Carmen and Jules had wasn’t a romance.

They agreed on that from their very first kiss—Carmen was just doing what she wanted, and Jules wanted that, too. So they kissed, they fooled around, they made each other feel good, but the relationship was never serious. Sure, Jules was a little in love with Carmen, but loving Carmen also meant accepting that she was the type of person who could never be tied down to anyone.

So Carmen never opened up about herself, and Jules never asked her to. Jules never asked for anything more than what she got. Being Carmen’s partner was enough, and Jules was happy with their life together at ACME.

It never really occurred to her that maybe Carmen wasn’t. 

Carmen had been MIA from ACME for a week when she announced the success of her very first heist via a video broadcast to the world. “I have stolen the Crown Jewels,” she proclaimed, and that was definitely Carmen on screen holding Cullinan I in her hand, her smug smile and twinkling eyes framed by a bright red fedora Jules had never seen her wear before. “And this is just the beginning. For I, Carmen Sandiego, am going to become the world’s greatest thief!”

The next morning, the Chief called Jules to her office, asked very seriously if Jules had ever noticed any signs that Carmen had been planning to defect. Jules told the truth: she hadn’t had a clue. Protocol demanded that Jules be taken off all her cases and thoroughly vetted anyway, but for what it was worth, Chief seemed to believe her.

Nobody else did, though.

“Maybe she and Sandiego had a fight,” her coworkers whispered amongst themselves, when they either didn’t know Jules could hear or didn’t care that she could. “There must be something Argent isn’t telling us. I mean, how couldn’t she know? She was her partner.”

Jules vowed to be the one to capture Carmen Sandiego, if only to prove to her peers that it wasn’t her fault. That just because she’d been Carmen’s partner didn’t mean she’d been anything more. She’d certainly never been Carmen’s confidant. Perhaps she’d never even been Carmen’s friend—

Except, Jules remembered: Carmen once took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower on one of their nights off, and kissed her breathless as they watched the Paris lights. Carmen once agreed to try all of Jules’s favorite restaurants in Chengdu, persevering even as her face flushed red because Jules liked her food much spicier than Carmen did. Carmen once went undercover as a musician for a case, and for a moment as she performed on stage, strumming her guitar and singing a love song in her native Brazilian Portuguese, she stared right at Jules’s spot in the audience and for those beautiful three seconds, it felt like the song was just for her.

...Okay, so maybe Jules was more than a little in love with Carmen.

(And maybe the idea of locking Carmen behind bars was just as painful as her coworkers’ censure, if not more.)

~

“You’re practically burning holes in your journal,” Hawkins tells Jules, during the plane ride to Germany right after retrieving the Mayan calendar. “What are you thinking about?”

Jules looks up from the entries she was reading: the ones from the mission where they retrieved the Mok’o fish gong. “I’m remembering the wolf statue in Quebec, and that Sorbonne poster in Paris.” The proof that Carmen Sandiego donated a lot of money to causes she cared about. “There is some good in Carmen,” Jules murmurs, an echo of what she said back in Mexico.

“There was some good in Carmen Sandiego,” Hawkins says. “I’ll believe that much. But Jules, she’s not your partner anymore. The past is the past. You need to focus on now, on this case.”

“I am focused on this case,” Jules insists. “If...if I can just figure out Carmen’s reasons for doing all this, I can figure out what she’ll do next.”

“Figure out...” Hawkins repeats, and something seems to click into place in his mind. “You don’t actually know why she left ACME, do you?”

Jules might as well admit it to him now. “I really don’t. When it happened, it surprised me as much as anybody.”

She’s half-expecting Hawkins to express disbelief like everyone else: How couldn’t you know? You were Carmen’s partner. But instead, he just cocks his head to the side and asks, “In that case, what makes you so sure she even had a reason?”

“...It’s Carmen,” Jules says, unable to produce a better answer. “There must have been a reason.”

Hawkins doesn’t really seem convinced at all, but he doesn’t push the subject any further.

Jules appreciates that.

~

Jules knew Carmen better than anyone else did. That didn’t necessarily mean she knew Carmen well, but at the very least, she was positive that Carmen wanted to make the world a better place. Whenever Carmen had talked about conserving the environment, about preserving world cultures, about learning from the past so that we may improve the future, there was real, undeniable passion there.

(If nothing else, Jules certainly knew Carmen’s passion.)

But the Carmen who Jules knew, the Carmen who had wanted nothing more than to do good—how in the world had she become the Carmen who stole, who laughed at the law, who left taunting and sometimes cruel messages behind?

Hello Julia. Still trying to prove yourself?

Maybe you’ve lost your edge, Jules.

You’ll learn, Agent Hawkins, that Julia can get quite frustrated at times. Not to mention opinionated.

The remarks hurt, honestly, but they also just didn’t make sense. Carmen hadn’t cared enough about Jules to stay, obviously, but...she had cared. Jules knew Carmen leaving ACME had never been about her, yet now, Carmen was acting as if she had something personal against Jules all of a sudden.

It’s almost as if, a voice whispered in the back of Jules’s mind, Carmen is trying to make you hate her.

And when Jules thought about it like that, she realized: if the Carmen she knew had, for whatever reason, believed she could somehow better the world by making herself into the villain...

She would have.

One hundred percent, she would have.

~

“Maybe she masterminded these thefts so the whole world could benefit,” Jules ponders aloud, after Carmen escapes her and Hawkins in the lost city. Even as she says it, she knows there’s no proof. There’s nothing there but her own intuition, and maybe too much hope, and a love for Carmen that will never truly be able to leave her heart. 

Hawkins doesn’t believe it. The Chief probably doesn’t either. And even if Jules ever caught up to Carmen, even if Jules ever managed to pin her down long enough to ask if her theory was correct, Carmen would never answer her honestly.

That’s just who Carmen is. And Jules will just have to live with that.

“I still think Carmen Sandiego is a bad apple. Rotten to the core,” Hawkins says, because he and Jules don’t agree on a lot of things and will likely never agree on Carmen. But even so, his can-do attitude as the Chief reports Carmen’s next heist is contagious, invigorating. It honestly makes Jules feel better.

Carmen would never answer Jules honestly. But there is still the possibility that Jules could find out the truth for herself.

So, with the chase back on and her confidence renewed, Jules turns to Shadow and smiles.

[cauldronofmorning]

Okay so.... I've encountered your tags about "the talking scene between trapper and hawk in dr pierce and dr hyde the stuttering the grabbing the not blinking how another of hawk's coping methods has bitten the dust#trapper being soft parental but annoyed and how he needs to check out while hawkeye needs to save the entire world"... if you have time, Go off! I would love that 2000 word essay and your opinions.

It’s a bit of a mess and would probably get a C- if I handed it in, but! Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde and how it shows the difference between Hawkeye’s and Trapper’s coping methods.

Context! Alan Alda wrote the episode, mental health is important to him (not to psychoanalyze an actor, but he had depression before the show and his mom was schizophrenic) and there’s a quote on how Hawkeye didn’t actually change much in the eleven years, just had his coping methods beaten down.

So throughout season one, Hawkeye and Trapper have mostly been ignoring the trauma of a war. Hawkeye naturally ended a movie with a speech about propaganda (Yankee Doodle Doctor) and Tommy tells them (Sometimes You Hear The Bullet) about a kid who should have been the blonde hero in a war movie actually dying and not hearing a bullet, forcing them to actually quietly think about it. But for the most part, they can distract themselves with booze, pranks and women, and Hawkeye can still draw a straight line between his tenuous sanity pre-war and the place he’s in.

There’s also two important episodes in season two before Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, that make the war more personal for both of them. The first is Radar’s Report, where a scared prisoner contaminates Trapper’s patient by knocking the blood over. Trapper’s sulkier throughout the episode, obsessed with how it could have been okay if it weren’t for that incident, and less indulging of Hawkeye’s girl of the week problem. His patient doesn’t make it, and he makes a beeline to the POW’s tent, maybe would have killed him if Hawkeye hadn’t bought him back to reality. “That’s not what we’re about.”

The second is For The Good Of The Outfit. This one has a village bombed by American military and Hawkeye/Trapper run afoul of previously decent sounding generals trying to shut them up from talking about it, including passive aggressive threats to send them to the front, and specifically to Hawkeye, intercepting letters to his dad. It’s okay by the end of the episode, but he’s still livid when he finds this out.

In comes Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde. The episode starts with Hawkeye already slightly dissociated from a long shift, thinking it hasn’t ended, and Trapper having to gently take him by the arm and guiding him out of the OR, telling him he was taking the chest cases “like he was their only hope”. Hawkeye wanting to save everyone keeps popping up throughout the episode; here, when he’s stumbling into Henry and his ego filtered through deprivation making him think he’s the only one who can do chest cases, the scene I’m getting to, and the end where Trapper and Henry sum him up.

As much as Trapper is “let’s get drunk to deal, okay?” kind of comfort in comparison to BJ who can actually talk about emotions, if not necessarily knowing the best way to deal with them (Hawkeye has a type and it’s repressed blondes), he’s soft with Hawkeye – gentle touches, firmly telling him to go to sleep, indulging that chopper noise is just thunder – until he figures the best way to get his friend to rest is to sedate him behind his back.

The thing with Trapper is that while he might be a bad husband, cheating on his wife with no shame (but he keeps bringing up that Hawkeye is more perverted so that might make it easier for him to deal with, see the couple of times he glares at Hawk for flirting with Henry/a male patient, Divided We Stand, The Trial Of Henry Blake, Check Up, Life With Father, Adam’s Ribs), he’s a good father who ran into a minefield for Kim and tried to go AWOL for Cathy and Becky. That’s not to say he always treats Hawkeye like a child, that would be weird considering how much flirting they do, but when the other man is manic or badly affected, Trapper’s first instinct is to be parental.

After Hawkeye in his doubletalky way admits to Radar he’s compulsive and psychotic (sidenote:  his symptoms of strong emotions, not being able to think clearly and too many spirals to name actually bear that diagnosis out, instead of just using the word when one thinks another is behaving badly), he wanders around the camp like a ghost, making notes about corpsmen with guns and nurses checking patients in post-op.

As Hawkeye often does, whenever he finds something out, or thinks he has in this instance, he has to tell his live-in boyfriend of the season immediately, and if he can’t sleep then neither can anyone else. He sits on Trapper’s bed, extremely close and not blinking, and jostles him awake. Already Trapper’s slightly panicky, as no matter what he says about being the mellow one, any time there’s shouting or loud noise in the swamp, he always wakes up with a start. Even when he sees it’s Hawkeye it takes him a few seconds to process and get back into his role.

Hawkeye’s very sad and very quiet. For the past seven minutes, even though he’s dissociated, exhausted and not doing well, he’s still trying to do his normal thing of turning his anger sideways and being snarky or being a clown bottom for the gaggle of nurses. Going back to one of Trapper’s good qualities is that he’s a decent parent, Hawkeye can regress emotionally into being like a ten year old (incidentally, the age when he had the most trauma pre-Korea, with Billy, his mom dying, guilt over not wanting dad to remarry and at some point losing his virginity), both for funny like in Picture This and for sadness.

So he’s finally noticed that he’s in a war zone and he’s too tired to make jokes about it or distract himself from it. Trapper already sounds frustrated but still listens, telling him to go bed before he drives himself crazy. There’s been a few takes that Trapper would get sick of later Hawkeye, and given how much they really can’t talk to each other that often, even just a mention of Hawkeye’s will when he has to go to the front makes Trapper shut down and Hawkeye cover with a joke, that’s probably true. They’re both messes, but for now Trapper can give Hawkeye someone to lean on.

“If I thought I could stop it just by going to sleep, don’t you think I would try?” Hawkeye does a twitch of the head, still unblinking, and that’s just really asking Trapper to understand and take him seriously. Also the wording, he’s not saying he can stop thinking about it just by going to sleep, or stop feeling anything just by closing his eyes, although both of those are implied. He makes it very clear later on (Letters, Preventive Medicine, Blood Brothers) that he feels like he’s as bad as the war – god and martyr complex combined – and if he can’t fight against/blame everything on that then it’s time for some self loathing.

Trapper does actually pay attention and gives him some advice. Definitely not great advice, but advice nonetheless, to close his eyes when things get unbearable, and to keep checking out when it keeps happening. This can’t work for Hawkeye, who’s had a guilt complex ever since he was a child, but it’s how Trapper copes. The next episode when Kim’s mother turns up for the boy, after a time of being actually open, he goes right to dismissive snark. Plus in season three’s Mad Dogs and Servicemen, another one on how differently Trapper and Hawkeye deal with things, he shrugs that he pretends he’s not there all day along.

Hawkeye’s stuttering a bit at this point. Words are important to him, it’s why you should probably leave him a note even if you’re a man who 1) wants to forget about Korea as soon as he arrives in Boston but won’t 2) wants desperately to believe he’s straight but isn’t 3) cares through physical touch and can’t think of what to say for seventy two hours. Wordplay is important to him too, and he admits to Sidney in the finale that his brain thinks too fast. Obviously exhaustion is going to put his brain and mouth out of sync, and considering how he sounds like he’s going to cry in the mess tent when he can’t even get words out to Frank Burns, it makes him all that more helpless.

“Somebody, and it wasn’t you or me, started this war.” It’s the “whoever the them, we were always us” of it all. It’ll be more important in the third season, and what happens in Welcome To Korea, but Hawkeye has taken it for granted that he and Trapper will stay co-dependent no matter what happens or who they come up against or how their time is running out. Much how he probably didn’t tell Trapper about the abandonment trauma he’s suffered before, Trapper always reassures him to come back soon, or no charge for leaning on him, or it isn’t a Christmas goodbye, and doesn’t want to share real feelings.

Beyond that scene, with Hawkeye dragging himself off to be a hero, assume that everyone who tries to take care of him really just wants to sleep with him, and cry while singing, Trapper tries to sedate him while he’s not looking. He’s tried being parental, he’s tried the repression advice, it’s time to be passive aggressive for Hawkeye’s own good. Or what he thinks is Hawkeye’s own good. It’s not especially great on Trapper’s part, but a similar thing happens reversed in Mail Call, where a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL and as soon as he’s distracted laughing at Frank, Hawkeye locks his bag away so Trapper won’t be tempted again. Both of them are repressed messes who can’t really talk to each other.

When that sedation attempt ends up in Frank falling over, Trapper goes to Henry to be the worried macho boyfriend. Like with the only comedic dancing allowed and not the time in Officers Only when a genuine offer gets turned down, being protective over Hawkeye where he can hear can only happen when it’s for fun/likely no real danger.

At the end, Trapper and Henry sit by Hawkeye’s bed when he’s finally asleep and talk about him. Kindly, but they know he’s unstable with a hero complex. Like Mulcahy said in season eleven, the camp has a lot of experience with not dealing with reality, and even Trapper says in Iron Guts Kelly that one man’s reality is another man’s fantasy. Nobody has the capability to talk about this yet, and Sidney and Hawkeye only really become friends in O.R. Hawkeye will wake up and he and Trapper will pretend this never happened.

When Adam’s Ribs comes around, and Hawkeye has a manic episode over needing to eat something that isn’t liver or fish, Trapper and Henry are again the ones looking after him, comparing him to their kids and Trapper in the background both snarking over Hawkeye’s slippage in sanity and looking out for him. It’s not as quite high stakes as Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, but they’re still worried about him.

To end this out, Trapper and Hawkeye and mental health is a fun thing to look at. Neither of them are particularly emotionally intelligent yet, Hawkeye just kind of a self absorbed mess and Trapper finding it easier to be a reassuring rock and keep his own struggling to himself, and they keep things from each other while also taking past each other, but they comfort each other with jokes and distractions that only they can understand. The repressed clowns are trying, even if it does all end with a borrowed kiss and only just barely missing each other.

[dindjarindiaries]

Too Far Gone (Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Reader)

summary: Frankie’s just arriving home from the disastrous mission in south america, and you’re waiting to greet him—unknowing of anything that went down.

pairing: frankie “catfish” morales x f!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, sadness, mentions of violence/death, some sauciness

rating: R

word count: 2.465k

masterlist

He could be home any minute now.

Your eyes anxiously look to the digital clock on your stove once again. The airport’s about a half an hour away from your house, and Frankie called you to say he’d landed and was on his way since that same amount of time. You can’t help worrying that something’s happened; you’re still unable to believe that he’s really okay, and that you don’t have to keep wondering if you’ll ever see him again.

Your gaze falls to the sleeping infant in your arms, and you give a small smile as you rise from where you’ve been rocking them on the couch to put them down in their crib. With a kiss to their forehead, you quietly remind them that their father might be the one to see them next, and that thought alone makes your heart skip a beat as you lay them down gently. You make sure the baby monitor’s on before heading back out to the living room, unable to sit down this time as you pace the hardwood floor.

The minutes feel like hours as you wait. Your eyes peel towards the clock more than they should. Most of the time, it reads the same numbers, reminding you that you’re being much too anxious about Frankie’s arrival. You just can’t help it: this is the longest time you’ve spent apart from your husband since you first got married just under three years ago, and though Frankie hadn’t told you everything about what the mission would entail—he didn’t really know himself—he’d kissed you like he’d never see you again before he left. As beautiful as the moment was, it scared you badly. You’ve been torturing yourself ever since with thoughts of Frankie never returning, being left with an empty home and a child with no memory of their father. So, to hear that he’s back—that everything’s okay—is so much of a relief that you can’t believe it until you see it.

Thankfully, the sound of Frankie’s truck door closing pulls you out of those dark thoughts. Your heart jumps and begins to beat at a mile a minute, and your gaze stays on the door until it’s being unlocked and pushed open. As soon as you see his dark gaze meet yours from underneath that favorite hat of his, you run over to him, throwing your arms around him as if he’ll disappear if you let him go. You’re extremely surprised to hear his bag drop beside him as he does the same thing back to you, pressing you fully against him and burying his face in your shoulder. You’re not sure how long you both stand there, but it’s much longer than you’ve ever held him before—and something about it feels different.

You start to realize something’s very wrong when you try to pull away and Frankie only holds you closer, his back starting to rise and fall in a very uneven pattern. You run your hand over his upper back, trying to soothe him. Eventually, though, your concern starts to get the best of you, and you regretfully pull your arms away from him as you instead reach for his face. His hands fall to your waist as he keeps you close, and your heart shatters in your chest upon realizing there’s tears in his dark eyes, along with a scabbed-over scratch on his right cheek.

“Cat,” you say softly, running your thumbs over his unshaven cheeks. His eyes fall closed for a moment, and you soon find yourself wiping away a tear that’s fallen astray onto his cheek. “Are you okay?”

Frankie exhales deeply, and he reopens his eyes shortly after. His gaze drowns in yours, as if he’s trying to lose himself completely in you. Slowly, he begins to shake his head. “I… I don’t think so.” He pauses, swallowing hard as his hands remain firm on your waist. “I thought I was, but…” He shakes his head again, his eyes closing as he evidently attempts to keep himself somewhat composed.

You reach a hand up to take his hat off, tossing it on top of his bag as you rest your forehead against his. “Hey, I’ve got you right here,” you remind him in a gentle, soothing tone. “You’re safe here. You’re with me, now. We’re alright.” As you speak, your thumbs continue to run over his cheeks, providing him with additional comfort as he continues to hold you close to him.

Once he finally reopens his eyes again, you give him an encouraging smile, which earns a small twinkle back in his gaze. Your lips reach forward to kiss the tip of his nose, and you’re relieved to even get the smallest of smiles in response to that. You’re no stranger to having to help Frankie with his minor episodes of trauma from his days of combat—but this has definitely been the worst shape you’ve seen him in ever since you’ve met him. To see that your usual tactics still have some kind of a function is relieving to you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you prompt him softly, running one of your hands over the back of his neck.

Frankie thinks on it for a moment, and soon he’s giving you a small nod. You nod back and finally step away from him, allowing him to fully close and lock the door behind him. He reaches for his bag and picks it up, taking one of your hands in his and letting you lead the way to the couch. Your heart clenches at the way he’s practically latching onto you for some kind of comfort, since Frankie isn’t usually the type to be so outwardly affectionate all the time. Whatever’s happened, it’s really messed him up, and you’re going to try your best to fix him—or at least distract him. You sit, and Frankie drops his bag with his hat onto the floor next to the couch before he sits beside you. Taking both of his hands in yours, you face him intently, looking into his broken eyes with as much comfort as you can muster.

“What happened, Cat?” you beckon, running your thumbs over the back of his hands.

He exhales deeply, biting his lip as he collects his thoughts. “It’s more like what didn’t happen.” He chuckles lamely and clears his throat. His gaze falls to your hands, and he gives them a squeeze. “Tom’s dead.”

You furrow your brow as a sharp pain hits your chest. You knew how close Frankie was to Tom—their whole group had nearly been inseparable before life forced them different ways. He’d even been a groomsman in your wedding along with the others, Pope having been the best man. You take a deep breath, trying to keep yourself composed so you can stay strong for Frankie. “I’m so sorry, Cat. I’m so sorry.”

Frankie shakes his head, and soon his head falls so that his face is buried in your entwined hands. “It’s my fault.”

Instantly, you release his hands to instead take a hold of his face, bringing it back up to look at yours. You let one hand rest on the side of his neck as the other brushes over his cheek. “I may not know what happened, but I know that’s not true, Frankie.” He opens his mouth to protest, but you brush your thumb over his lips, silencing him as you continue. “He agreed to go on that mission. He knew what he was risking. Anything that happened, you did it together—that’s what you always told me when you were talking about the old days.”

Frankie pauses at that, searching your gaze and realizing your truth. Nevertheless, he still grimaces. “We got in, we got the money,” Frankie starts explaining. “But we weren’t quick enough. We ended up… having to—” he stops, twisting his lips for a moment, “—shit, I don’t think I should be telling you this, but I don’t fucking care anymore. We had to kill people. Too many. I didn’t want to.” Frankie’s voice falters slightly, but he clears his throat, gaining it back. “But we didn’t have another option. And once we got out with the money, and we were loading it onto the chopper, I tried to tell Tom it’d be too heavy, but he was being difficult and so I just said fine and…” Frankie trails off, exhaling deeply as his gaze falls to the space between you. “It wasn’t fine.”

Your brow lifts in concern, and you move your hands back to his as you give them a squeeze. “You crashed?” Frankie nods, and you lift a hand to quickly brush over the scab on his cheek. “Is that what this is from?” He nods again. “Oh, Cat…”

“We landed on a small farm village. They weren’t happy to see us. A few ended up dead at Tom’s hand… and mine.” Frankie’s breath hitches at his confession, and you continually brush your thumbs over his hands to coax him. “We gave them some of the money to try to make up for it, but a few of the boys from the village followed us, and when one of them had the chance, they got Tom.” Frankie pauses again, his gaze focused intensely on your hands. “If we hadn’t crashed, he’d still be alive.”

“You can’t think like that, Frankie.” You take one hand away to lift his chin, forcing him to look at you again. “There were so many other things that led up to it. You even said it yourself, he insisted upon having that money in the chopper. It wasn’t you. You did what you could to protect him and the rest of them.”

Frankie just stares blankly at you, and you hate the way he completely lacks any of his usual shine. With a grimace, you release his hands, holding his face again as you leave a gentle kiss on top of his scab. You’re at least relieved to feel his hands land on your back, pulling you closer to him. You end up straddling his lap, looking at him with nothing but the love you feel in your heart. All you want is to help him feel it, too—to realize that even in the midst of such pain and loss, he still has you, and he always will.

Your fingers trail down his cheeks, and you give him a warm smile as you stare affectionately into his dark gaze. “Do you remember when I had the baby?” you reflect, your voice just a step above a murmur as your smile grows. “You said it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. And then you were crying more than they were.” You laugh softly at that, and your heart flutters when you see his lips starting to curl upwards as well. His eyes twinkle, and you give his nose a quick kiss as a reward.

“It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life—besides you, of course.” Frankie tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear. Your cheeks warm up, and you’re more than happy to see that he’s slowly starting to revert to his usual self.

“And—oh my God—do you remember the day we were out drinking with Pope, and you were shitfaced, telling me I was so ‘goddamn sexy’ and how you wanted to be with me so badly?” You laugh in amusement as Frankie’s cheeks heat up slightly. Nevertheless, he lets out a few chuckles, shaking his head at you. “I can’t believe the next day was when it all started.”

“Hey, you should be glad that happened,” Frankie retorts, his dark gaze filling more and more with his signature energy as he speaks. “I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten the guts to say it sober.”

You smile, giving his cheek a kiss as yet another reward for his lifting spirits. When you pull away, you stay close, trying to dig out your most intimate memory as the one that’ll hopefully pull him completely back to reality. “Do you remember the first time we made love?” Your voice has now dropped to a whisper, and you continue to hold his gaze as you brush your nose and lips against his. “How we both agreed we’ve never experienced anything like it before, how you told me after that you were sure I was going to be the person you spent the rest of your life with?” You smile against his lips, your eyelids fluttering closed. “Look at us now. You were right, Cat.”

Frankie takes the initiative as he presses his lips fully against yours, his hands gliding from your waist down to your ass as he pulls you even closer to him. Your hands ruffle through his hair, leaving a passionate yet gentle caress as your tongues dance together in a heated routine. You’ve completely melted against him, your chest pressing against his as your hands make their way back to his face. You cup his cheeks as you finally pull away for air, resting your forehead against his. You look into his dark gaze to see that it’s finally gone back to its usual state. Your lips curl up into another smile as his do the same, and your thumbs brush over his cheeks.

“Welcome home, my love,” you murmur, pecking his lips after you speak.

Frankie shakes his head a bit, his gaze lost in yours—but revealing a type of amazement. “I love you so damn much,” he whispers. “I missed you like crazy.”

You brush your nose against his, wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands stay firm on your hips. “I love you, too. And I can bet I missed you more.”

Frankie’s smirk is practically audible, and he rests his forehead back against yours as a familiar yet new kind of twinkle arises in his gaze. “Why don’t you prove it?”

You return his stare, raising an eyebrow as you do so. “I’d love to.” You soon find yourself attaching your lips back to his as he lifts you up, not bothering to deal with his stuff at the moment as he heads straight down the hallway to your bedroom. Completely stripped down to the point of pure love, you relive all the passion you’d just described, reminding yourself that Frankie will never truly be too far gone from you—no matter what.

[lukneetoonz]

Never Tear Us Apart

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Summary: You always did say you attracted the bad ones...

Pairing: Mafia!Dabi x Jazz Singer Female!Reader

Warnings: Drinking, smoking, cussing, sexy times implied, violence, semi angst I guess, drinking, just some good stuff.

Word Count: 2,509

A/N: I know I know- what the hell am I doing writing another Fic when I still have two to finish, well, when I saw prison outfit dabi, I just- *boom* instant inspiration, I couldn’t help it! PLUS I HIT 200 FOLLOWERS AND WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL!!

ARTWORK CREDS TO @workofann ! I WAS INSPIRED BY THEIR ART TO DO THIS!! PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT!

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How come you only attracted the bad guys? And no you didn’t mean jerks, you meant actual bad guys. Was it something about you that made guys think, ‘Hey this pretty dime looks like she would go for me, a famous bank robber!’. You don’t even have enough fingers to count all the men you’ve been with that end up in jail, or dead! But you’ll have to admit, none of those men took your breath away like the blue eyed devil you called your man.

How could you not fall in love with Dabi? The way he smirked, how he would smoke after an amazing night in bed, but the best of it all was his whisky and campfire scent. It was intoxicating, and if you could, you’d drown in it. From the very first moment that your eyes met, you knew you had to have him and keep those beautiful alluring eyes in your life. For the rest of your set, you only stared at him across the club, making sure to put on your best performance.

Thankfully you also caught his eye, not even listening to the blonde haired girl beside him, or the blue haired man who looked like he might kill the girl across from him. As the boss, Dabi didn’t need to listen, he just needed to give orders and stand back. Never did the man think he would be thankful to Toga for something so insignificant, like finding this underground jazz club. Snapping out of his trance, he made his crew leave, because like hell was he going to let them see you up close and ruining things for him before he even got a chance.

That night, Dabi waited. He waited until you were done so he could talk to you, maybe buy you a drink. As you walked off the stage, a hand reached out to you to help, wanting to make sure you didn’t fall. When your eyes met those shining blue ones again, you automatically blushed, because now those eyes were even closer. Seeing them so close, you could see every little detail, they held so much in them, it felt like you could drown in them.

“So Tell me, what does a guy like me gotta do to buy a pretty little dame like yourself, a drink?” His smooth, but raspy voice brought A smile to your face as you felt your whole body heat up. “Hmm, I don’t know honey… how does tellin me your name sound?” Dabi leaned closer to you, a smirk on his face as he twirled a strand of your hair with his finger, “Names Dabi. Now how about we go dip the bill and I can learn more about you than just your name?”

That’s all it took for you to mindlessly nod and follow the stranger to the bar, unknowing that it would be the first of many nights you would spend together. Not that you were complaining…

*•*

Months later, you found yourself spending all your free time with Dabi. You guys told eachother everything, well at least you told him everything. Even if you had talked about marriage and what the future held for you two, you still didn’t know about his real job, nor his hobbies. You were listening to the radio news while you got dinner ready, not really caring until the crime spot started.

“Touya Todoroki, also known as ‘Matches’, struck again last night. In his wake, 4 bodies were recovered from the burned warehouse that is notoriously known for its storing of pharmaceutical drugs. The bodies have not been identified, but the police ask if anyone has information on the mafia boss, please call the tip line.” You shuddered as a frown made its way onto your face, those poor people… not to mention their families, what if they never find out?

The opening and closing of the door brought you out of your thoughts, and also brought a smile on your face. “Doll? You here?” Skipping out of the kitchen, you prounced on Dabi, arms wrapping around his neck as he spun you around. “You’re home early honey, good day today?” You were so innocent, so sweet, that’s what drew him towards you. But it’s also what made him feel so horribly guilty. Nodding, the black haired man kissed your forehead, “It’s a good day whenever I get to see you doll…”

A giggle left your lips as you stared up at the handsome man, hands playing with his suspenders, “I already love you, you don’t have to flirt with me anymore” Dabi laughed, kissing your nose as he winked, “Who says I flirt for you? Maybe I flirt because I love seeing your reactions to it.” He really knew what to say to make your heart flutter, smiling you kissed his cheek softly.

“So, anything new today?” Dabi asked as he sat down at the table, watching you do the same. “Not really, but the radio was talking about some redhot… even thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies” You shuddered as you once again remembered the reporters words. Dabi tilted his head and took a sip of his drink, looking at you curiously, “It was probably just some common thug that the fuzz will put away.” You frowned at your man's nonchalant attitude.

“That’s the thing, they were saying it was some- big named mobster! They had a nickname for him and everything, he popped 4 people!” At the new information, Dabi tensed and his grip on the utensils tightened. “Uh… you talking about Matches?” You pointed at the man across from you nodding, “Yes-! That was it. Touya ‘Matches’ todo-something! I can’t stop thinking if those people he killed had families, and if they did will they even be able to bury them properly?”

The more you talked, the faster Dabi’s heart raced. Those damn reporters never knew when to shut their kissers. Yet, hearing you talk about him in such a negative tone made him fill with guilt. He was nothing but a grifter. He convinced himself and you, that he was a normal 9 to 5 worker, he made you believe that he was anything but the man on the radio. When you saw those beautiful blue eyes staring off into space, you couldn’t help but frown, wanting to know what was troubling him so you could help.

“You look troubled handsome, what’s going on?” Dabi bit his lip and looked at her, a thoughtful look on his face, but before he could answer, the door was broken down and multiple police officers came charging in with their guns up, “DON'T MOVE AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEADS” In came a big man, with fire red hair and- and eyes that matched Dabi? Screaming out, you did as you were told, looking over to the man you loved terrified, only to see he had a dark look on his face, anger practically sleeping out of him.

“Where the fuck do you get off coming in when I’m with my girl? Huh?” Dabi snarled, his eyes meeting the red haired detective, in one motion he pulled you behind him. “She doesn’t know shit, you didn’t need to bring the whole chopper squad.” You were confused, but nonetheless gripped onto Dabi like your life depended on it. “Zip it Touya, by the time I’m finished with you, you’ll be begging to be left to fry” Enji motioned for one of the officers to grab you, and before you could protest, arms wrapped around you and started tugging you away.

Dabi didn’t hesitate to react as he whipped around and sucker punched the officer who dared to touch you. Only he was roughly grabbed and pistol whipped by Enji, “Assaulting a police officer? That can earn you a three-spot easily. And your little pro skirt here? I can send her to the house for hiding a thug like you.” You sobbed out, trying to reach Dabi but he held his hand up to you, as of saying stop.

“That’s my girl you’re talking bad about, watch it pig. Like I said she knows nothing, she’s just a little Canary at a small jazz club.” Enji let out a snicker, walking towards you and forcefully grabbed your chin to look at him, “How dumb does this broad have to be to not know she’s been sharing a bed with a punk like yourself?” You let out a whimper, eyes filled with fright as you looked at Dabi, “D-Dabi, what is he talking about?”

Sapphire eyes refused to meet your own, jaw tensing he let a cop handcuff him, “I’m the one you heard about on the radio doll… I’m sorry” His words were a whisper, and you felt as if your whole world came crashing down as you dropped to your knees. Enji laughed before he grabbed dabi’s arm, “You’re an embarrassment to the Todoroki name.” The red haired man scoffed, earning a glare from Dabi, “You ain’t no angel yourself, pop.”

As they dragged Dabi away, you didn’t even know what to feel. He lied to you. This whole time he lied to you. You didn’t even know his real name. Who was the man you fell in love with? Was that just a cover? A facade to hide from the police? When everyone was gone, you still stayed in your spot, tears rushing down your face as you felt like you had been beaten down. Could you even love Dabi anymore?

*•*

Ever since that day, you had no contact with Dabi. Even if he hurt you, you still listened to the radio to hear about his trial, or any news related to him. It had been 2 months without him, and you couldn’t find it in you to let him go. When the reporter announced that Dabi was sentenced to life in prison, you couldn’t help but sob. You were going to have to let him go, even if he was the love of your life, you still wanted to get married one day, maybe even have kids. You wanted all those things that you were supposed to do with Dabi, but now you can’t.

After he was properly sentenced and sent to his new home, you started getting letters frequently, all of them from the same place Dabi was held at. Even if your heart begged you to open each letter, you couldn’t. If you did, you’d fall right back into his arms and be stuck on him til the day you died. After a month of letters, they stopped coming, only for dabi’s associates to come knocking at your door. But you ignored the loud banging and calls for your name, maybe- just maybe they’ll think you moved.

While you were a mess, Dabi was even worse. Sure, he was basically the king of the house, but it all meant nothing when he lost the only thing he loved; his queen. Dabi grew worried, thinking something might have happened to you, so when he sent his associates at your door, imagine his surprise to know you were alive. He knew he messed up, but like hell was he gonna let the image of him being dragged away be your last memory of him.

Since the day he was arrested, Dabi was planning his escape. He had some of the jurors on his pay grade, not to mention most of the guards at the prison owed him a favor. One day, later in the night, Dabi was being ‘transported’, his little informer Hawks had him all set up for the perfect escape. The handcuffs would ‘malfunction’ and he’d be able to free a hand from one of the silver bracelets, granting him more than enough leeway to escape unharmed.

As he bent down over one of the now dead guards, he took in a deep breath, stealing the pack of cigarettes that was on the corpse. “Keigo, did i ever tell you that you’re my favorite little snitch?” Yellow eyes glared as the blonde man cleaned up slightly, “yeah yeah, just shoot me in the shoulder and go get your gal.” Dabi laughed before shooting Keigo in a place he knew wouldn’t kill him, but still make it seem like he wasn’t part of what happened.

There was no hesitation in dabi’s actions as he stayed in the shadows but made his way to you, still in his orange jumper and partial handcuffs. All he knew was that he needed to see you. It was late, probably about 10 pm, so he knew you were probably asleep. When he reached your building, he started climbing up the fire escape, counting the floors as he went up. As he reached your window, he didn’t hesitate to open it, slightly upset that it wasn’t locked and just anyone could come in.

Though when he entered, he had a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips, blue eyes automatically landing on your fully awake figure, clutching a crowbar. “D-dabi?” Tears filles your eyes, as you pinched yourself, trying to make sure you weren’t dreaming. The man before you chuckled, walking towards you, “I was getting worried something happened to you doll, it stings to know that all along you’ve been avoiding me.”

Even if he had a playful tone, his eyes were full of hurt, but it soon changed when you collided with his chest. “H-how? I thought I was never going to see you again, and- dabi I had to keep my distance or else I would never be able to let you go!” The black haired man hushed your rambles, a hand coming to stroke your hair, “I’m sorry doll… I promise I ain’t ever leaving you again.” A smile spread to both of your faces, but you soon looked worried.

“What if they come here looking for you? What will we do?” Ruffling your hair Dabi went and grabbed your suitcase, putting it on the bed. “We won’t be here for them to tear us apart. I know a place for us to stay and they won’t ever get to us.” You nodded and started to stuff your belongings into the empty bag, heart racing with excitement of the unknown. “We’ll never die out, right Dabi?” Dabi nodded, hand coming to cup your cheek, “Right doll…”

[purplehairedwonder]

Hearts With(out) Chains Chapter 12

Fandom: One Piece Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Gen (eventual Lawlu) Words: 4629 Characters: Trafalgar Law, Monkey D. Luffy, Nami, Chopper, Usopp, Brook, Zoro, Nami, Franky, Smoker, Tashigi, Doflamingo Notes: I’m taking my turn at the Corazon!Law AU because my brain won’t leave me alone until this is written down. Tags will be updated as the chapters come out.

The story title is based on the Ellie Goulding song “Hearts Without Chains.”

The nickname Doflamingo uses for Law in this chapter is a nod to the story “Worth” by Doctor_Cyance.

Warning: This chapter contains the description of a panic attack.

Summary: Law is reclaimed by the Family when he's 17 and, with Doflamingo holding the lives of his crew as collateral for his good behavior, eventually becomes the third Corazon. Years later, trapped by his impossible situation, Law finds a strange connection to Monkey D. Luffy, which offers a glimpse of something he's repeatedly had ripped away from him: hope.

Previous chapters: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Read also at AO3 / FF.N

After leaving the control room, Law followed the echoing cacophony of the fully collected Straw Hat crew through the halls of the lab. Smoker trailed behind him, tension on the acrid air surrounding him. The moment Law had realized what he’d let the vice admiral hear about his past, he’d debated whether to let Smoker return to the Marines with that information. But the feeling of Vergo’s heartbeat stopping in his hand was still fresh in his mind, and he didn’t particularly feel like ending yet another life today after everything that had happened.

If the other man tried to talk to him about it, though… Well, Law couldn’t make any promises then.

As he walked, Law considered his situation. With Vergo dead, the main source of the rumor of Law’s disloyalty was gone. Law had the dead man’s Den Den Mushi in his pocket, and even if he had recorded Law’s words, Law would simply destroy the recording. For a brief moment, Law considered ending his partnership with the Straw Hats since he’d taken care of his main target, but he dismissed the idea almost as soon as it crossed his mind. Law could pretend he’d never seen Vergo on Punk Hazard, but Doflamingo would hear of Vergo’s death eventually, and, considering the cause of death, there would be no mistaking who had killed him.

Not to mention, Law had obviously failed in the mission he’d been sent to complete—and he couldn’t imagine finishing it now. Not when he couldn’t shake the startled recognition that had struck him as he and Straw Hat had shaken hands that the pull in his chest had gone still, as though Law were where he was meant to be.

No, even with Vergo dead, Law was still just as stuck as he had been the moment Vergo had arrived on the island. He had no choice—either for himself or his nakama—but to continue on the path he was on.

Laughs and shouts bounced off the lab’s metal walls, and, as Law and his stewing shadow approached the source, Law recalled the blueprints he’d been provided; this must be the Biscuit Room, he thought as he stepped into the large, colorful space. He’d wondered at the name as he’d pored over the schematics on his way over, but now he understood. Smoker stepped up next to him and made a disapproving sound at the sight of what was clearly a space for children—children who had become science experiments for a mad clown.

Law narrowed his eyes, assessing the scene in front of him. It seemed the Straw Hats had taken care of their enemies with alacrity. Both Caesar and Monet were wrapped in what Law hoped were Seastone chains (he had warned them) and slumped against the wall. The cat burglar stood not far from them, hands on her hips and a small smile curving her lips as she watched the antics of her crewmates. Smoker’s second stood on the other side of the captives, clearly having taken it upon herself to guard them. G-5 soldiers milled about close to the swordswoman, refusing to fully engage with the pirates.

“Oh, Torao! You’re here!”

Law looked up to see Straw Hat across the room. He was perched atop the back of a couch next to Zoro, who appeared to be dozing. Long Nose sat across from them, his slingshot in hand. It looked like they’d been in the middle of a lively conversation before Law had caught the other captain’s attention. Nico Robin sat next to Long Nose, one leg crossed primly over the other and her hands clasped in her lap. She was smiling, as though enjoying whatever her nakama were discussing. The cyborg sat on the floor next to her. The skeleton, for his part, was wandering around the room, playing a jaunty tune on a violin. (At this point, Law didn’t have it in him to question where that had come from.)

That left the tanuki, Black Leg, and the samurai. Considering none of the children were present, Law had a feeling he knew what the little doctor was up to, anyway. Law idly wondered if he was having any luck treating the children before shoving the thought aside; he didn’t like thinking about his own history with looking to other doctors for help.

“Straw Hat-ya,” Law replied, stepping further into the room.

“What happened to that Verto guy?”

Law tightened his grip on Kikoku briefly. “Dead.”

Straw Hat simply nodded, but outraged noises erupted from the other side of the room. Law turned to look at the prisoners.

“What?” Caesar gasped loudly. “But he’s—”

“So, he was right,” Monet said, the quiet betrayal in her voice more painful than Law had expected it to be. “You were a traitor after all. I didn’t believe him when he told us.”

Though he hated the Family as a whole for what they had taken from him—and continued to take as they held his crew’s lives over his head—Law had spent years with people like Monet once he’d been brought to Dressrosa. And he didn’t hate them all as individuals. Monet was a lot like Law himself, having been rescued by the Family after an unspeakable trauma along with her sister. But, unlike Law, she hadn’t been freed from the corrosive influence of the Donquixote Pirates. She’d been fully indoctrinated and would never believe the truth of who Doflamingo truly was that Law had witnessed on Minion Island. Doffy had her undying loyalty.

Law’s jaw tightened. “He didn’t give me much choice.”

“I can’t believe you teamed up with these… idiots,” Caesar said, lips curling in disgust as he looked at the Straw Hats.

“Idiots?” the cyborg called. “That’s super rude.”                      

“These idiots kicked your butt,” Long Nose reminded him, aiming an empty sling shot in his direction. “So, what does that say about you?”

Caesar made some incomprehensible frustrated noises in response, but Monet simply looked at Law, her usually placid expression tinged with hurt. “Why, Corazon? After everything the Young Master’s given you?”

Law snorted, an ugly sound that caused Monet to recoil. He knew exactly where he stood with Doflamingo—the Warlord’s tool and plaything and the means to an end—and none of it was for Law’s sake.

It was never for anyone’s sake but his own.

Doflamingo liked to act like he was generous with his Family, but all he really knew how to do was take. He gave but took twofold in return—his gifts came with strings, literally and figuratively. The cost was unflinching allegiance to a madman, pieces of one’s soul irreparably damaged by every act of loyalty, every drop of blood spilled in the name of a man who believed himself a god. And the Family was happy to pay the price; Law once had felt the same before he’d been saved.

Doflamingo was also unflinching in taking from those who refused to pay fealty. He’d taken Cora-san all those years ago for saving Law. He’d taken Law’s and his friends’ freedom on a no-name island in the North Blue. He took the very existences of his enemies in Dressrosa, using Sugar’s abilities to erase them from memory and enslave them as toys.

It was fitting, Law had thought when he’d first learned of the scope of the operation in the kingdom; Doflamingo was a puppet master, literally pulling strings. He saw others as his toys to play with as he wished. Law was nothing more than another one of those toys, though a supposedly privileged one, sitting on the Heart Throne. But it was nothing more than a gilded cage. Law’s eventual purpose was still to die for Doflamingo’s immortality. After everything else he’d taken from Law, he also intended to take Law’s life. And he expected Law to give it willingly; anything else would break the illusion of Doflamingo’s complete control.

“He’s given me nothing,” Law replied coldly. Nothing that he hadn’t taken back countless times over as he whittled Law down into the shape he wanted as his Corazon, anyway.

Monet opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut off by a loud wail as the Straw Hats’ little doctor came out of a side room.

“Chopper, what’s wrong?” the cat burglar asked, hurrying to his side.

“I’ve tried everything I can think of,” he said, “but the drugs in their system are just too strong, and I don’t fully understand their interactions.”

“Of course, they’re strong,” Caesar sniffed. “I made them, and I’m a genius.”

“Shut up, clown,” Nami hissed before turning back to her crewmate. “So, what does that mean?”

“If I can’t get the drugs out of their system, they won’t get better,” the tanuki sniffed. “I can treat the symptoms, but I can’t cure them.”

“Let Torao take a look!”

Law jerked in surprise as rubbery limbs wound tightly around his shoulders and the too-loud voice rang in his ears. (His concussion complained with a painful pang in response, and Law winced.) He hadn’t even noticed Straw Hat moving from the couch. Law prodded at him with Kikoku’s hilt in a futile attempt to dislodge him, but Straw Hat just grinned at him.

The Straw Hats’ doctor eyed Law uncertainly. “I don’t know, Luffy…”

“He’s a good doctor,” Luffy said with a decisive nod. “He saved me.”

After several failed attempts to detach the other captain—the freaking limpet—Law sighed and satisfied himself with the biggest eyeroll he could manage.

“Do you think that’s a good idea, Luffy?” the cat burglar asked. Her suspicions remained, and Law could respect that. Someone on this crew needed to exercise some common sense.

“Torao can look at them,” Straw Hat said, unswayed.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Law demanded. Being talked about like he wasn’t present was one of his (admittedly many) pet peeves.

“Shishishi,” Straw Hat chuckled. “You’ll look at them, won’t you?”

In hindsight, as Law followed the tanuki to the room he’d been seeing the children in, he’d like to say he agreed because disagreeing with Straw Hat over it would be too much trouble, and, with his head injury, he didn’t have it in him to argue. But the truth was that there was something in the wide, trusting grin Straw Hat effortlessly threw in his direction and the responding warmth in his chest that made the agreement roll off his tongue before he could stop it.

He listened with half an ear as the tanuki explained what he’d already tried with the children and what he’d found. Though Law wasn’t privy to the exact goings-on in the lab, he had a sense of how ugly some of the projects Doflamingo had his fingers in were, so nothing he heard surprised him.

“L-look, Corazon,” the little doctor said once he finished his recitation, voice trembling slightly as he turned to face Law, hooves on his hips. “These kids have been through a lot. They’re scared and in pain and want to go home. D-don’t make it worse, okay? O-or I’ll kick your ass myself!”

Law had never seen anything less intimidating—and his best friend was a polar bear mink, which said something—but he still respected the sentiment. That protective instinct toward a patient was the attitude a true healer should have, one Law had seen in his parents as they fought for the people of Flevance while it was ravaged by plague. And, despite all the blood he’d spilled over the years, it was a feeling he could feel stirring deep, deep within himself, too.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Law replied. “You probably shouldn’t be here while I work, though.”

“What? Why?”

“My methods are… unorthodox,” Law settled on. Though the Ope Ope no Mi’s effects were bloodless and painless, that didn’t make them any less disturbing to most people who saw them.

The tanuki hemmed and hawed for several moments, and Law felt his impatience growing until he just opened a Room and approached the kids. The little doctor yelped and followed him.

“You’re that man from outside,” one of the kids said as Law approached, frowning at him.

“I am,” Law agreed.

“What are you going to do to us?” another child asked, arms crossed defensively.

Law felt his eye twitch at the assumption he was there to hurt them, but Law had attacked the people who were trying to help them escape. He wasn’t entirely sure what to say—he knew a thing or two about being a traumatized child, but that didn’t make him an expert on dealing with others.

“Corazon here is a doctor,” the tanuki said, coming up next to Law.

That piqued the interest of some of the children.

“A doctor?”

“Like you?

“What kind of name is Corazon, anyway?”

“Law.” Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. “That’s my name,” he clarified, startling even himself. “Corazon is a title, but…” But he didn’t work for the Donquixote Family anymore now that he’d sided with the Straw Hats, did he?

He glanced down to see the Straw Hat doctor looking at him curiously. “What?” he demanded, feeling suddenly uncomfortable, like he was being looked through rather than at. He couldn’t help but be reminded of Bepo when looking at the small creature, and Bepo had always known Law better than anyone—often better than Law himself.

“Nothing,” the little doctor squeaked before looking back at the kids. “Doctor Law here is going to look at you. I’ll be just outside if you need me!”

With that, he glanced back at Law once more then left the room, closing the door behind him. Law, curious at the tanuki’s sudden agreement to leave Law and the kids alone, turned back to the children. He took a breath and unsheathed Kikoku to perform a Scan.

-----

Once Law was finished his work, he left the delighted children chattering to each other about what it was like having their body parts removed and opened the door. The Straw Hat’s doctor was sitting just outside, and he perked up at Law’s appearance.

“Well?”

“I was able to remove all traces of the drugs from their system,” Law said. “But most of them will be dealing with the effects of long-term exposure. With rehab, they should all be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Law said, slightly annoyed at having his professional opinion questioned. Though he didn’t truly blame the tanuki; whatever Caesar had been experimenting on with these children, he’d given them some incredibly potent drug combinations that Law had never seen. Anyone without the power of Law’s fruit would have had a hard, if not impossible, time treating these children.

As Law had initially Scanned the children and seen the degenerative effects of the drugs they’d been exposed to, he’d been reminded of the charts he’d seen in his parents’ clinic of patients with Amber Lead Disease and the devastating effects on the body; he’d had to forcibly shake himself from the memory to continue working.

He started as the tanuki hurled himself at Law and wrapped his little arms around Law’s legs. The Straw Hats were far too affectionate for Law’s comfort.

“Thank you!” he said, looking up at Law with teary eyes. “I didn’t know what I was going to do for them!”

“It’s nothing,” Law said, lightly shaking his leg in an attempt to remove the other doctor. He was finding himself saying that a lot around the Straw Hats, he realized. He wasn’t sure he wanted to examine that any more closely.

The tanuki finally released Law’s leg and wiped his eyes with a hoof. “Luffy was right.” He gave Law a weak smile. “So, thank you for this. And for saving Luffy when I couldn’t. Law.”

Law opened his mouth to wave off the thanks again, but he shut it when he heard his name. Looking at the little creature, he felt his chest clench as he was reminded of Bepo when he’d called earlier. “I knew it, Captain. I knew you were still in there.”

He thought of the small feeling of satisfaction he got from healing Black Leg’s fracture, from knowing his hands could still heal after everything else they’d done.

Maybe Bepo was right, and the boy he’d sworn to follow no matter what thirteen years earlier was still in Law somewhere. Law had long thought that boy dead in the North Blue, but Bepo had always been the wisest of the Hearts.

“They’re your patients, Tony-ya,” Law said, recalling the doctor’s name from his—frankly ludicrous—wanted poster. “I was just helping out.”

Chopper’s face lit up at Law’s use of his name, but he tried to hide his pleasure. “That doesn’t make me happy, you bastard.”

Law’s lips twitched as he left Chopper to deal with the children now that they were no longer poisoned and headed back to the Biscuit Room.

When he entered, Straw Hat perked up immediately, as though he had a radar for Law’s presence. “Oi, Torao!”

“How are the children?” Nico Robin asked, eyes following her captain’s gaze.

“I removed the drugs from their systems,” Law said. “They should be fine with some long-term treatment.”

“What?” Caesar squeaked. “You shouldn’t be able to—”

Before Law could open a Room to shut the clown up, the cat burglar smacked him on the head. “Shut up, you slimy bastard. You’re lucky Torao here was able to help the kids. If he hadn’t been able to…” She trailed off, but the implication remained.

“Still not my name,” Law muttered.

“Still doesn’t matter,” the cat burglar replied in a singsong.

Law sighed and rubbed a hand over his face then looked back up at the other Straw Hats. “Now what?” He had no idea how long he’d been working on the children, but if his waning stamina was any indication, it had been a while. It must be getting late.

“The Marines called for backup,” Nico Robin said, “but the closest ship won’t arrive until tomorrow.”

“Captain Tashigi will be taking charge of the children,” the cat burglar added, a softness in her expression. “She’ll take good care of them.”

“And our next stop is Dressroba!” Straw Hat said.

“Dressrosa,” Law corrected automatically, stomach tightening at the thought.

“From the maps, Dressrosa seems to be fairly close,” Long Nose said, pointing to some maps spread out on a table between the sofas.

“It is,” Law agreed. “Maybe half a day.”

Half a day to figure out how to extricate Law and his nakama from Doflamingo’s strings.

It wasn’t enough time.

The cat burglar nodded thoughtfully as she came up next to the table and looked at the maps. She was their navigator, if Law remembered correctly. “It’s too late to set sail tonight,” she said. “We thought we’d leave in the morning.”

Law nodded curtly. “Fine.”

“So, you want to tell us what we’re walking into when we get there?” Zoro asked, arms crossed and eye narrowed.

Law opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by the muted sound of ringing. Law reached into his coat pocket and found his Den Den Mushi waiting to be answered.

There was only one person that could be.

“Shit,” Law cursed.

He had no interest in letting the Straw Hats or Marines overhear this call, so he quickly formed a Room and Shambled into the first space that came to mind: the control room. He landed on the couch in place of a pillow he’d switched with.

He set Kikoku to his side and stared at the snail for a moment before answering.

“Doffy.”

“Corazon,” Doflamingo replied. Law tried to listen for anything off in his voice, any sense he knew Law had really betrayed him after all. “How is the mission going?”

Law hesitated only a moment as he calculated the best response to give. “It’s done.”

“And there were no… complications?”

Law knew he was imagining it, but he couldn’t help but feel like Vergo’s corpse was staring at him from across the room.

“No. The intruders were taken care of.”

“That’s good to hear. I’ve been trying to call Monet but haven’t received a response.”

“She was injured during the fight,” Law said, the lie falling from his lips without a second thought. “I treated her wounds, and she’s currently sleeping.”

Doffy hummed in response. “I see. And Caesar?”

“The clown is locked away in his lab,” Law replied, allowing his disdain for the scientist creep into his voice. Doffy wouldn’t be surprised by it. “I don’t know how Monet puts up with him.”

Doffy chuckled. “She does it for me.”

“Of course.”

“And when do you plan to return home?”

“I’ll set sail in the morning.”

“Excellent. I knew you were the right man for this mission. Until tomorrow, little bird.”

Law grimaced at the nickname as he hung up the call. The Birdcage haunted Law’s nightmares to this day, and he felt like nothing so much as a caged bird in Doflamingo’s service—and the man knew it. The nickname had become more regular since he’d started bringing Law into his bed, an act that had truly felt like clipping his wings.

And now the little broken bird was going to try to fly again.

It would never work.

Law could feel his heartrate picking up as his thoughts started to whirl.

Like he’d told Violet that morning—had that only been this morning? It felt like a lifetime ago—he was Doflamingo’s creature, possessed by the man inside and out.

He lifted a hand to his chest, only to find his entire arm shaking.

Doflamingo was a Warlord and a former Celestial Dragon.

Heat rose in his face.

Who was Law?

Bile rose in his throat.

Doflamingo was a dragon to Law’s bird.

He was going to throw up.

What was Law doing?

Law pushed himself to his feet and took a few unsteady steps forward and managed to round the couch, but his vision spun in front of him.

What was he thinking?

His feet tangled under him with his next step, and he crashed to the floor behind the couch.

He was going to get his nakama killed with this futile venture.

His breaths came in jagged pants, his tight chest struggling to inhale and exhale, and all he could hear was rushing in his ears.

Everything Law had done for the last nine years had been to keep his nakama safe, and now he was going to fail them completely.

Law’s entire body shook, and he curled in on himself.

And now he was going to get Luffy’s crew killed, too.

He screwed his eyes shut and put his hands over his ears as he struggled to breathe. The walls were closing in on him. He could feel the wood of the treasure chest beneath him and the treasure they’d shifted to fit Law into the chest at his back. The lid of the chest wouldn’t move since Cora-san had placed another chest atop it to disguise Law’s hiding place.

Law tried to summon a Room to escape, but his powers refused to cooperate, slipping through his fingers like sand.

Cora-san was going to die because he’d helped Law…

A cold sweat clung to his body.

The deafening cracks of gunshots, one after another, rang through Law’s ears and tears streamed down his face.

Law couldn’t make a sound because of Cora-san’s powers. He opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out except for ragged breaths.

He flinched hard as he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

Wait, a hand? Law was alone in the treasure chest.

The hand withdrew, and Law slowly opened his eyes. For a moment, all he could see was a blur in front of him—then red came into focus.

Doflamingo had worn red that night.

Law jolted backward until his back ran into something solid. He hissed through clenched teeth.

“—orao? Can you hear me?”

Law blinked slowly as a voice started to form words amidst the rushing in his ears. He felt the hand return to his shoulder, but he didn’t fight it off this time. Who—?

“Hey, Torao. It’s me. Can you hear me?”

It was Luffy.

Luffy hadn’t been on Minion Island.

Right.

Law wasn’t on Minion Island. He was on Punk Hazard.

Law wasn’t a sickly thirteen-year-old boy anymore. He was twenty-six and one of the most feared pirates in the New World.

Luffy squeezed Law’s shoulder when it was clear Law wasn’t going to freak out again.

Gradually, Law felt his heartrate slow, and his chest loosened, allowing him to take deeper breaths.

“Straw Hat-ya,” Law finally managed, voice rasping from his struggle to breathe. He pushed himself up off the floor, but his limbs felt like jelly, so he simply leaned against the back of the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his knees.

Shame started to creep up the back of his neck as he realized he’d let Luffy see him having a panic attack—he hadn’t had one in years—only hours after making an alliance. He’d shown his allied captain how weak he truly was on the eve of taking on one of the most powerful men in the New World.

But Luffy simply smiled when Law acknowledged him and sat down next to Law, mirroring his position with his knees up to his chest. He rested his head on his knees and turned to look at Law.

Law resigned himself to questions about what had happened and was already considering how to reply, but Luffy surprised him.

“I used to get them after Ace died,” he said quietly. “Out in the forest alone when I trained with Rayleigh. I’d remember what happened and then I couldn’t breathe. I’d feel Ace dying in my arms and the fire in my chest all over again.” A soft smile returned. “But it got better when I saw my nakama again. They got easier to deal with when I wasn’t alone anymore.”

Looking at the other captain, Law realized that despite the grin that seemed permanently etched into Luffy’s face, he’d been through a lot in his short years. They had that in common. But where Law had retreated into himself to cope, Luffy turned outward. After coming to Dressrosa, Law had been too afraid to show any sign of weakness around the Donquixote Family, so he bottled everything up until it exploded. And the explosions tended to be violent.

“Doflamingo called,” Law said after a few silent moments by way of explanation.

“That Mingo’s a bad guy, huh?”                      

Law’s lips twitched tiredly at how simple Luffy made the situation. He rested his chin on the top of his knees. “Yes, he is.”

His eyes were getting heavy. Between the extended use of his fruit today and now the panic attack, Law supposed it was amazing he was even still awake. It was nothing new, though; working himself into unconsciousness was his preferred method of sleeping, despite the frequent protestations of his crew.

Law swallowed at the thought of his nakama back in Dressrosa.

“We’ll get him,” Luffy said confidently. “We’ll get Mingo, and we’ll save your nakama, Torao.”

Law grunted a response, and that seemed to be enough for Luffy.

They sat like that for a time, Luffy quieter than Law would have expected he could be. Despite the way Law’s thoughts had been a whirlwind before, they were quiet now. Gradually, Law’s eyes drifted closed, and he thought he might have felt an arm wrap around his shoulders before he went under completely.

Next chapter

[stardustryewriting]

Friends with Benefits never work (2)

Part 1: here

Also on Ao3:  here

Please, we need to talk

Sanji had sent that message exactly ten minutes after Zoro had stormed out of his apartment. That was a month ago by now. After Zoro left the building with Sanji’s apartment in it, he ran straight home, locked himself into his apartment and didn’t leave it for two days. He even called in sick to work, sent Luffy to voicemail when he called and ignored Nami, when she had furiously banged on his door, demanding answers.

On the third day, he decided he can’t hide from everything forever, so he went to work, called back Luffy to apologize for being absent and sent one last text to Sanji, before blocking him.

There is nothing to talk about.

Nami had been on his doorstep fifteens minutes after the text was marked as read and had screamed more profanities than Zoro had ever heard in his entire life before. He blocked her out after the first ten minutes of screaming, let her get it out of her system and then told her he was very sorry she felt about it like that, before shutting the door in her face. That didn’t stop Nami though. Instead she just called him to complain about that, too. And then threatened him, that she would actually break his door down, if he had the nerve to block her, too. Zoro didn’t think Nami possessed the physical capabilities for that, but he wasn’t willing to test it.

So, he was missing the big group gatherings in order to avoid Sanji. He did have Luffy, Usopp and even Franky over for the occasional game night, Nami stood at his door trying to get answers out of him once a week and even Robin and Chopper came over once. Robin had invited herself to tea, but contrary to Zoro’s expectation, she hasn’t lost a word about him and Sanji, so he just let her. All in all, the only thing he hasn’t really seen in a while was the bar. And Sanji’s face.

It was manageable. He could live his life like that.

It surely was better than having Sanji, without really having Sanji, at least. The clear cut was good for him and Sanji would be able to move on. It would be easier for Sanji than it was for Zoro, because Sanji didn’t have nasty feelings to get rid of first.

It hurt to think about it like that.

*

„You know what I’m missing?“, Luffy asked, both hands on his controller, not looking away from the TV for a second. How he had the capacity to concentrate on their current match and think about something else entirely would always be a mystery to Zoro. And the cause of a headache for Usopp.

„Not now, we’re this close to winning“, Usopp answered pressed, as if he was in actual physical strain. Maybe he was, their opponents were decent enough. Nothing the four of them couldn’t manage, but better than the last ones they had, for sure. Zoro was surely enjoying the challenge and Luffy was too, if his giggles were anything to go by.

They did win, in the end but by a scratch, because Luffy started arguing with Usopp, that he could play a game and think about something else, just fine. Usopp never argued against that, just said that he himself couldn’t play and talk at once. Somehow Luffy thought this was funny, too.

„What are you missing?“, Franky asked, to get the two out of their argument and Zoro went to the fridge to get himself a new beer.

„Sanji’s food. Playing and eating Sanji’s food were always the best evenings“, Luffy proclaimed and Zoro almost lost his grip on his bottle. Good thing he was still in the kitchen or the others would have seen that.

„Are you stupid? You can just say this near Zoro“, Usopp whisper-yelled, probably hoping Zoro wouldn’t hear him. Too bad the walls in his apartment were paper-thin. So, Usopp knew. Then it was safe to assume that Franky and Brook knew, too. Damn Nami.

„Oh right“, Luffy spoke, sounding way more panicled than the situation called for, „I forgot. You think he heard us?“ There was his way out of this. If he just came back, pretending nothing had happened, he could avoid this entire uncomfortable situation. So, as a distraction he grabbed his phone and opened the Delivery app, before walking back into his living room.

„Hey guys, I’m a bit hungry, you wanna order something?“

As expected Luffy took it without a second thought. Usopp looked at him slightly skeptical before reluctantly agreeing and only Franky seemed to be really suspicious, but he didn’t say anything either. So they ordered their usual, way too big for four people order and Luffy basically inhaled half of the food himself. Usopp and Franky ate more like real people did, Zoro’s beer stash took a big hit and no one thought about mentioning Sanji again.

Only when they went to go home, did Franky stay behind to tell Zoro that it is okay, if he didn’t want to talk about it yet, but Franky knew for a fact, that his walls were thin enough to hear everything. Zoro deliberately did not invite Franky to the next game night.

Franky didn’t seem too mad about it.

*

„Is it Thursday already?“, Zoro asked, when he opened his apartment door to go to work and was instead greeted by Nami standing in front of it. Something which has become his normal routine on Thursdays in the past two months. Zoro could have sworn it was Tuesday though.

„It isn’t!“, Nami informed him, still sounding less than amused. How she managed to uphold her anger for so long was a mystery to Zoro. „Last Thursday you went to work earlier than usual. To avoid complications like that again, I’m visiting you at random times from now on.“ Which meant he couldn’t even prepare himself for Nami’s rants anymore. Just great!

„Don’t you have better things to do?“, Zoro questioned, because he could hardly believe that this thing that happened two months ago was important enough for Nami to change up her entire routine.

„I would yell at Sanji, if he was the one that made a mistake. But unfortunately you’re the only one to blame here. So I’m blaming you, as I should!“

And Zoro was barely withstanding the temptation to argue, that first of all, falling in love with Sanji wasn’t a mistake he made voluntarily and second of all, it was in the rules that anyone could end the relationship without having to give a reason. But arguing with Nami had never ended well for him. And according to past experiences it went worse the more aggravated she was. And Nami was very aggravated right now.

„You mean there is something you haven’t said already in the past two months?“, Zoro asked instead, making his way past Nami to get on his way to work. Nami however, wasn’t even irritated by that and just fell into step next to him. And pulled him into the right direction for his bus stop, muttering about how useless Zoro’s was with directions.

„There are a lot of things I haven’t said“, she insisted and Zoro did the usual thing of blocking her out, when it became apparent that she going into yet another rant. Hearing Nami blame him for basically everything that ever went wrong was always his favorite start into the day. How Vivi managed to handle Nami all the time was beyond Zoro. (It really wasn’t, it was the same way he handled all of Sanji’s shit. Because they were in love.)

„Zoro!“, Nami screamed next to him and alerted the entire bus stop to their conversation. Luckily enough at this time in the morning, there were only five people there. Those five people however were going to get to show of their lives, if Nami’s annoyed expression was anything to go off. Zoro really hated his life, sometimes.

„What, witch?“, he inquired, trying to keep his voice down. Too bad, Nami didn’t care about their audience.

„You weren’t listening to a word I just said, were you?“

„I tend not to listen, when you go into rants.“ That was the single worst thing he could have possibly said. He realized that too late. He should learn how to think, before he opened his mouth.

„You wanna tell me, that I tried to fix your relationship with Sanji for months and you don’t even listen to me! You’re the worst“, Nami screeched, jabbing her finger into Zoro’s chest accusingly, looking like she was thinking about just ending him there and then.

„There is no relationship to fix!“ He got mad now, too. Because Nami had the audacity to imply that she was doing something for Zoro, when all she did was annoying and harassing him. She might have his best interests at heart, but she had to know she was going too far.

„There could be if you weren’t so damn - you!“ Using ‚you‘ as an insult was something only Nami could do this effectively. She always had a very special way of pissing Zoro off and right now she was doing everything in her might to get it done.  

„Goddammit Nami, get it trough your head. I don’t want a relationship. I want consistently good sex, some good conversation and someone to take the edge of life.“

„You just described a relationship, dumbass!“  And she had the nerve to look triumphantly like this single thing had won her the entire argument. It hadn’t, Zoro was willing to continue. Unfortunately his bus chose that exact moment to arrive, so instead of going all out, he had to be happy with just throwing another I do not want a relationship at her.

„Yes, you do“, Nami sang and he would have loved to answer her, but the doors fell shut, giving Nami the last word. He already hated that day.

*

When he got back home, he had way too many texts from Nami, all reading as some variation of Call Sanji. He ignored them all, opened himself a beer from his fridge instead and turned on the TV. Mostly for background noise, he hadn’t properly watched TV in years. But he couldn’t have the silence right now, because it got him thinking and thinking always eventually led to Sanji. Thinking about Sanji was bad.

Because Sanji was way too great, really. And Zoro was a good-for-nothing.

Sanji was great. Getting trough what he got through in his childhood and making it out okay wasn’t easy. Not only did he make it out okay, he somehow saw all the worst things the world could throw at a child and instead of turning resentful, bitter or hateful, he became kind. He was always first to help people, he fed even strangers when they needed it and he did it with a smile.

And that was one kind of a smile. It lit up his whole face, without splitting it in two like Luffy’s tended to. It made Sanji really look like the sun. Sometimes, Zoro thought, he would be blinded if he looked for too long but at the same time he couldn’t seem to look away. Sanji was something to behold.

Zoro’s smiles were never that bright, he always looked like he smirked. Arrogant, someone even described it as cold once. Nothing to behold, nothing that would be hard to turn away from. Just same old Zoro. Nothing special.

Sanji also always managed to make himself useful, wherever he went. He brought food, or offered to cook, he helped to plan and execute events, kept an eye on everything going smoothly and then stayed afterwards to help clean up. He made the entire wedding cake for Robin’s wedding from scratch even refused to have her buy any ingredients. Zoro just showed up. Robin had actually seemed surprised that he wasn’t black-out drunk by nightfall.

Sanji was always so meticulous about his work tools, his knives and pots and whatnots. (Zoro had said something vaguely bad about it once, and Sanji had never talked about it to him again.) He loved his job, did it with a passion, he had ambitions. Zoro loved sword-fighting too and he would one day defeat the current champion, but it just wasn’t the same. Sanji wanted to feed people, Zoro wanted to be the very best swordsman. It was hard to compare those two.

Also Sanji always took such good care of himself. Zoro knew Sanji smelt like ocean salt and smoke, a very unique combination that was entirely Sanji’s own. When he came fresh out of the shower, the smell of lemons lingered in his hair. It made Zoro go wild. There were no marks on his body - not even the stupid little scars everyone had - his skin was like porcelain despite his childhood. Zoro knew it was soft to the touch, with many firm, defined muscles despite Sanji’s lean figure. By far the best thing were Sanji’s hands tho. They were soft like the rest of his body and if Zoro concentrated he could still feel them ghosting over his body, mapping it out carefully. God he had loved Sanji’s gentle touch.

In comparison, everything about Zoro was rough. He had more scars than he bothered to keep count of, both because he was constantly around swords and because he had been an especially stupid child. His skin wasn’t soft, he always had some bumps or bruises from training. His muscles were defined too, but they were big, making Zoro’s entire frame big. He was once described as intimidating. (That same person had described Sanji as friendly and approachable.)  His hands definitely weren’t soft. They were rough, with many callouses, that came from holding swords regularly since he’d been ten. He even smelled like sweat, most of the time.  

He could see why someone - why Sanji - saw him as a good lay and nothing else.

*

Saturday morning, way too early on his free day, someone rang his doorbell. Very consistently. Probably Nami, Zoro thought and was still trying to get his sleepy brain to remember how to put the damn thing out, when said person started knocking on his door in addition to ringing the bell. So, no more sleep for him then.

He opened the door forcefully, fully prepared to give Nami a real piece of his mind for harassing him this early on a Saturday. He wished he would’ve never left the bed, when he saw Sanji, instead on Nami. Even though Sanji seemed about as angry as Nami usually was, not that that was of any help for Zoro.

„You’re an Asshole“, Sanji snapped at him, storming by him, to let himself into Zoro’s apartment. Zoro looked after him, helpless to do much else.

„You are the absolute worst!“, Sanji roared again, standing in the middle of Zoro’s living room. Zoro slowly closed his door and made his way towards Sanji.

„You want something to drink?“, he asked instead of reacting to Sanji’s accusations. Big mistake.

„The audacity! You avoid me for months and you don’t think you owe me an explanation!“

„I don’t?“, Zoro had wanted to state, but it came out more like a question. It riled Sanji up regardless.

„Do you know how long we’ve been doing this for? A year, Zoro. I sacrificed a whole goddamn year of my time and you decide to waste it without giving me a reason for that. I don’t even care if its a good reason anymore, but you owe me some kind of explanation.“

„The rules - your rules, said I don’t. We don’t owe each other shit“, he reminded Sanji, because honestly, Sanji could be mad about Zoro’s abrupt leave and blocking him and everything else if he wanted. But he didn’t get to be mad about Zoro sticking to the damn rules, like he insisted for weeks.

„Who even cares about rules at this stage? You wanna tell me you obeyed all the others?“

„I did“, Zoro lied easily, because lying about his feelings for Sanji was something he’d done for ages. It came naturally by now. Sanji however seemed shocked into silence, before his face fell and he lost the tension in his shoulders. He just seemed to fall into himself. Like the only thing holding him upright was anger and now that it was gone, he threatened to just fall over.

„There is someone else, right?“ No there wasn’t. There never has been and at this rate there never will be. But Zoro didn’t know how to express that, so he stayed silent. Sanji drew his own conclusion from that.

„I’m sorry for bothering you then.“ And with that Sanji vanished again, out of the apartment and out of Zoro’s life.

*

Nami came to visit him with a furiousity, Zoro had seen way too often in the past months. She abandoned it completely, when he opened the door with watery eyes.

„You need to talk with Sanji“, she said a few days later over coffee, „really talk. Not one of you dominating the conversation and the other barely getting a word in.“

„What makes you think he’ll talk to me again?“, Zoro asked, skeptical, stirring his coffee for the tenth time now.

„Leave it to me“, Nami offered, being more helpful, now that she abandoned the idea of screaming at him for everything he did and didn’t do. „I know how to get him to you. You just make sure you know what to say, when he’s there.“

So, Zoro got the hard part again.

*

„To be absolutely clear, I’m only here because Nami insisted I came“, Sanji said, instead of a greeting or maybe it was supposed to be his form of a greeting. Zoro’s nerves were way too tense, to focus on what Sanji might or might not mean. He just wanted to get this over with.

„I want to talk to you. Really talk. And if you still want to hate me afterwards, you may“, Zoro answered without bothering to respond to anything Sanji said before. He just needed to keep focus on his goal here, and then everything would be alright. (Or it wouldn’t but he would have tried and that was all that counted.)

„First, I am sorry for running that night. I should have listened to you. You wanna tell me what you wanted to tell me back then?“

„It doesn’t matter anymore“, Sanji spat, looking defiantly at Zoro and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Great, Zoro thought, this was already a less than ideal start.

„Okay, second. I didn’t end this thing, because there was someone else. There wasn’t, never has been. I had a good reason to end our arrangement but that wasn’t it.“

„I’m supposed to believe that?“, Sanji asked incredulous, giving Zoro a look that told him just how ridiculous Sanji thought he was right now. Why could the guy just not take things at face value?

„I am in love with someone“, Zoro admitted, for the sake of keeping Sanji there until he was finished, „but it wouldn’t lead to anything, anyway. So there is really no reason to end everything just because of that.“

„You’ve tried telling them?“, Sanji implored and really Zoro hated that Sanji decided to focus on this and not on the more important matter. What did Sanji care if Zoro was in love, and if it was unrequited?

„No, I didn’t. Didn’t have to. He’s some really great guy, who deserves the world and I’m just -.“ He gestured vaguely at himself, hoping Sanji would understand what he tried to tell him. Sanji raised an eyebrow at that explanation, but stayed quiet otherwise.

„Anything else?“, Sanji asked impatient and Zoro tried to cram his head for something, anything to say. The only thing remaining was to tell Sanji about his feelings. At least that was the only thing that would probably get Sanji to stay and listen a little longer. Or it would drive him away permanently. This could go two ways, really.

Apparently, his decision took too long, so Sanji decided to speak instead: „Figures. Here’s the verdict: I hate you.“ And with that he turned his back towards Zoro, making his way back to the door, and Zoro knew he had lost him forever. There was no going back to what they were before.

„I know, but I love you and I can’t stop it no matter how hard I try“, Zoro said, because this whole thing was going up in flames anyway, so he might as well make sure nothing but ashes remained. Maybe it made a new start easier, if he knew none of the old things were save-able. And if Sanji wanted to vanish from his life for good, he should at least know the truth.

„This whole friends with benefits thing was doomed from start. I broke rule 1 before you even put it in place. I’m sorry for pulling you into this.“

„Not your fault. I let myself be pulled“, Sanji answered getting close to Zoro again before continuing, „maybe rule 1 was the most useless out of the bunch. You never obeyed it, and I failed it after barely a month, too. The only thing it managed to do, was tear us apart in the end.“

There was so much there to take in, things that would have to be discussed, but Zoro didn’t care. Because Sanji’s lips were on his again, finally, and his tongue did explore Zoro’s mouth like it was the first time again. He did this thing, were he pulled Zoro’s lower lip between his teeth and then bit lightly and Zoro was in heaven. He wanted to see Sanji naked again, he needed Sanji everywhere around him and on top of him, and he never ever wanted Sanji to leave again.

Sanji seemed to have the same things in mind