#I reread at some point when I started writing Lionheart

[bookie-the-reading-junkie]

Rational me: wow, I actually have free time so I should probably work on the next chapte--

me: let's reread the manga

Rational me:

me: it's research?

Rational me: *raises eyebrow*

me:. . .it's an opportunity to write meta?

[chaewberry]

hi there! i read your diluc fic this morning and i wanted to comment on it earlier, but i got a little shy. before i start, i might be looking in too deep or too shallow into things. i’m honestly enchanted with how you wrote it and might need a few more rereads to make sure i’ve gotten everything.

it’s written in a style i don’t often see. it’s written like silk has been woven into each word. it’s reminiscent of classical novels i’ve read in the past. i really enjoyed the symbolism with the surnames (wolfram, lionheart) of the mc and her companion, especially when it came to highlighting their personalities. their approach to the knights. mc honestly irked me at some points (i don’t mean offense by this), which only makes me even more curious about how the narrative will unfold, how her relationship with diluc will change, how “the art of touching” comes to be.

but most of all, i was looking forward to diluc, man of the hour. notably, how flustered he can get, how he changed from the boy he was, but most of all, when it came to telling the mc he respects her, regardless of her mannerisms. i’m curious how the rest will play out! ^_^ <3

hehehehe hello! there's no need to be shy at all!

first things first - thank you so much for reading and for leaving a msg, you are the first one to do so and the fact that you also took the time to write out what you liked and didn't really makes me happy <3

i've been giving a lot of thought on how to apply a bit of symbolism in the story, however significant or not, but i really am excited to explore the "art of touching" as you yourself said through the story. touch has many usages and means, and i want to explore such connections more; for example, when words fail, how will the reader or diluc reach out with touch instead? or vice versa (i HEAVILY reccomend reading "Love as a Language" by Roland Barthes on The Artifice. it's a long article but it really was such a delight to read)

also, don't worry about me being offended about you finding the mc annoying. in fact, i'm kanda happy because that's the angle i was going for for the first phase of the fic hehehehehehe. i really want to unravel the mc and study her under a microscope. her experiences in life, her anxieties and phobias - i want to see how they will shape out her character and actions in later chapters.

young diluc is kinda challenging to write, and i constantly must check his character page. i hope i do him justice <3

as for the writing style; i was reading jane austen a lot back then, so maybe that's why you're reminded of the classics! i am pleased to know i got it at least somewhat right.

[lurkingforwarrios]

Warriors: Perceptions VS Reality in TPB and TNP

I’m continuing my read-through of Warriors, now as a grown ass lady, and am halfway done The New Prophecy! I had a lot of fun reading The Prophecies Begin, and am enjoying The New Prophecy...not AS much, but still enough to keep me engaged. I think, realistically, no arc is going to live up to the OG, but I expected that. In this thread, I want to talk about those things that have become so popular in the fandom that we practically take them as cannon, that...honestly don’t really hold up now that I’ve reread. I think a lot of this happens because most people, like me, probably haven’t read the earlier arcs in YEARS. Remember, I’m tackling these strictly based on the text of TNP and TBP.

“Firestar is a Mary-Sue”- I know this one is coming from the later arcs where our Fire-boi doesn’t do much. But, honestly, in the first two arcs, I really think Firestar is written dynamically. He has a strong moral compass, for sure, but he is also pretty obstinate and outspoken throughout TBP to the point where he gets called out for being disrespectful. He’s headstrong and stubborn (Yes, just like Squirrelflight) and we DO see him make misjudgments. He has PTSD and takes it out on Bramblekit, he snaps at Sandstorm a few times, he blows off Longtail because he was Tigerstar’s friend and has to be put back into line by Whitestorm, He handles the “Fire and Tiger” prophecy by being terrible to his daughter and former mentee out of fear, his relationship with Windclan honestly is way too friendly, he stubbornly puts his clan in danger by not admitting that Graystripe isn’t coming back...Give the writers more credit, I think they did a pretty good job. I actually enjoyed and appreciated Firestar more upon a read-through.

“Other cats knew Fireheart loved Spottedleaf”- Honestly no, he never discusses it with anyone. This makes it way more confusing that Sandstorm is jealous in Firestar’s Quest

“Lionheart is serious, noble, stoic guy”- Honestly, go back to Into the Wild, he’s actually kind of goofy. I loved it

“Bluestar and Oakheart had an intense romance”- She literally admits in the text of Forest of Secrets that it was essentially a one-night stand (Ya know, in a way that is appropriate for children). I know people complain that Bluestar’s Prophecy doesn’t focus on their relationship much...but even the original text doesn’t claim that they had a drawn out, sweeping romance.

“Silverstream had the saddest death”- I mean, I know this is an opinion statement...but seriously go back and read Yellowfang’s death scene where she is telling Fireheart she wishes he was her child like...NGL my grown ass adult self really did cry.

“Brightpaw and Swiftpaw were a thing”- This is one where I think it got headcannoned so much that people started to actually believe it. Really, Brightpaw and Swiftpaw almost never interact, while we see her with Cloudpaw pretty much all the time before she gets injured. 

“Scourge was super evil”- Scourge is by no means a nice guy. However, when he hears about all the shit Tigerstar did, he decides to end their alleigence (mostly because Tigerstar lied to him) and only kills Tigerstar when he tries to attack him. He then decides he wants Bloodclan to have the forest because there is more prey, and gives the other clans 3 days to leave. He’s very cold and calculated in the original text..but not like...an evil crazed killing machine.

“Leafpool is quiet and sweet”- Again, our girl is much sassier and outspoken than the fandom gives her credit for. She isn’t afraid to take action. She maybe isn’t as rude as Squirrelpaw/flight...but she is no doormat either. I actually really appreciated her more on this read-through. It almost makes it all the more sad when you realize a lot of her subdued nature in later books was because of the pain and shame of her secret children.

“There is some buildup for Leafpool and Crowfeather’s relationship”- There isn’t. There literally isn’t. All of the sudden in Starlight she thinks he is hot and they NEVER interact directly in the first three books. It was clearly shoehorned in, even if people ultimately like the pairing.

“Brambleclaw was always abusive to Squirrelflight”- I know this can be a pretty spicy topic in this fandom. But, honestly, their relationship is pretty believable until their breakup in Starlight. I don’t think it had the BEST chemistry, but this series is just generally bad at writing couples.... After that point, Squirrel ABSOLUTELY should have stayed broken up with him because holy shit does his personality do a complete 180 and he is an asshat. It’s actually a huge shame because he actually is pretty likable and humble for the first half of TNP.

“All Ferncloud does is fret over her kits”- Ya’ll, 3 of her children DIED within a few months. It actually makes a lot of sense for her characterization that she would have some PTSD and overprotective nature.

[kuriquinn]

Another Monday Morning Anon who can’t read

So, I woke up to this puzzler this morning:

And after reading and rereading where I apparently “belittled” Naruto, I can only assume the anon meant this passage:

What's surprising about it, though, is how much he doesn't mind. As a child, the idea of being second to anyone was unacceptable, especially compared to his teammates: Naruto, because he was the village screw-up, and Sakura because she was just support—an admirer to cheer on his successes and, in the early days of their team, to highlight just how far Naruto was beneath their collective skill level.

Which, if a person is actually paying attention, is clearly a commentary on Naruto’s abilities from the pov of genin-Sasuke, who was jealous and arrogant and always considered Naruto to be beneath him.

(Which is canon.)

I don’t appreciate being accused of putting down one character to make others, especially members of my OTP, look better. Especially especially since I go out of my way in all my fics to showcase the abilities of every member of a Team 7 and show how they have value.

And in other fics, any jokes at a Naruto’s expense are usually made by his friends and in keeping with the tone of the manga and anime. (And I could write a whole other essay deconstructing that but it’s early and I’d be here all day)

This kind of short-sighted comment is in the same vein as people who bitch at me for making Sakura annoying as a genin when she was the epitome of annoying as a genin.

It’s called respecting character development.

I am not going to sugarcoat or glow-up a character’s shortcomings just to appeal to a reader’s personal views of a character. The reality is, before Naruto got his shit together (ie pre-genin and a lot of early genin Naruto), he was the village screw up and far beneath the level of Sasuke and Sakura. This is a fact. Did he grow and overcome this? Yes, definitely: that’s the whole point of the series.

But pretending like he didn’t start from the absolute bottom or conveniently trying to forget that is a disservice to the character and I’m frankly insulted this person thinks I would ignore this huge part of characterization just to compare it to sakura or Sasuke’s achievements.

So before you start with baseless accusations, make sure you’re actually reading the damn story and not just skimming through the bits you like and don’t like, or assuming I have some sort of an agenda.

You want to see examples of Naruto being badass? Go rewatch the series. The entire thing is an Ode To Naruto’s Awesomeness. My fanfiction exists to look at the stuff you DON’T see in the anime/manga. As for my stories, there’s plenty of examples of Naruto showing off his talents as both a fighter and a mature human being: An Inch of Gold, Telenadas, Penthesilea, Wait for Me, Lionhearted, etc.

So don’t send me ignorant commentary like this when we know it’s not true.

Also, anon Guest if you’re out there, if you had the guts to leave your actual name, I could have explained all of this to you in private and probably in a less annoyed manner.

Finally, I leave with this golden nugget of fandom etiquette: don’t like it, don’t read it.

[elsaclack]

hello it's me the romcom anon and i have another q! do you ever read your own fics and squeal/feel your heart flutter at certain pining scenes or moments of tension? almost as if you're reading someone else's work i suppose? if so (and if it's not too much trouble), which fics/scenes are they?

OH HI have i mentioned lately that you’re my favorite anon??? i just!!! love you!!!

and i put my answer under a cut because i am INCAPABLE of being short-winded about anything ever under any circumstances

i will be honest and say that yes i do sometimes go back and reread my own fics after i’ve posted them - which i’m starting to realize more and more is a pretty normal thing to do - but it’s less like i’m reading someone else’s fic and more like,,,i don’t even know how to explain it honestly. like i’ll reread it as i’m writing it and then i’ll go through it a couple of times right after i post to look for mistakes i didn’t catch before posting, but once i’ve posted something i usually have to leave it alone for at least a few months before i can go back and reread it again. and by then i’ve forgotten some of the details so while i usually remember the main plot, there will sometimes be little lines of dialogue or adjectives or adverbs i don’t remember that are like little !!! moments as i’m reading

but like i just had this happen to me not too long ago, i forget what fic i was reading but it was in the context of a conversation between jake and amy and i was reading jake’s dialogue and in my head i was like “i should have used the word ‘rasped’ here” and then i got to the end of the line and i had written “...Jake rasped.” and i was like oh!! i did do that!! it sort of feels like that spiderman meme when there are two of them in an alley pointing at each other like !!!! same person !!!! when i wait long enough to forget little details like that but idk lmao

i haven’t really revisited it in a while just because i’m dumb and i feel guilty about not updating but!! one scene i reread a few times (and like fixated on bc i Really Liked It) was the fight scene in the second chapter of king and lionheart. mostly bc when i was outlining that chapter i think the only line i dedicated to the actual fight itself was “and then they have a crazy knife fight (good luck future me)” so i was proud that i was actually able to construct an entire fight from that lmao. i just!! really liked writing an amy that isn’t overthinking or anxious, who is so completely in the zone that she’s able to literally throw jake across the bar, fend off a trained assassin, chase that assassin out into the street after getting stabbed, and then immediately turns that feral part of her brain off upon remembering that jake is hurt and needs help

i’ve always liked to write scenes where one of them is hurt or otherwise in pain and the other is kind of stripped down to the most basic emotional response of needing to protect - when i first started writing i liked to put amy in physical danger and jake in emotional distress because of that, and also specifically because the show always has it the other way around, but in that scene i really enjoyed flipping my own go-to on its head and having amy be the ferociously protective/overworried one. that’s not really what you asked but any fic that can pull that dynamic off (with jake/amy in either position) Kills Me every time so those scenes are usually the ones i linger on, in my own fics and in other people’s lmao

AS FOR FLUFF i think i revisit don’t read the last page more than any other independent one-shot. i wouldn’t say that it’s one of my more popular fics or anything but i wrote it mostly out of self-indulgence, because i love the way taylor swift’s song new year’s day makes me feel and i wanted to see if i could write a fic that made me feel the same way. there are a few spots that are a little clumsy wording wise and i don’t know that i’m 100% satisfied with the ending, but overall rereading it makes me feel really really content and sort of weightless, which is exactly what i was going for

and i’m just now realizing that in both of those that i linked, amy’s arm is injured so like maybe there’s a pattern and maybe i’m the most predictable human on the planet

[staircasttext]

Ep 02 Transcript: Ass Ticks

Episode 2

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to Starclan, our Warriors Cat reread pawdcast that we have a name for. We have cover art. We're in the big leagues. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we are back again, reading Into the Wild. Yeah, we read chapter five through chapter nine this week. Do we have anything to say beforehand or should we just go right into the summaries?

JULIAN: I'm sure we'll talk about this more, but I love Yellowfang.

PAZ: Yes, I think that might be a theme of this episode but we'll have to see. I echo that sentiment.

LIZ: She's great.

PAZ: Well, okay, let's go meet her in these chapter summaries. So we started with chapter five, which opens on Firepaw's first day of training. Graypaw and Firepaw go on a patrol of the ThunderClan territory with Lionheart and Tigerclaw. And we kind of get the beats of like settings in the book, such as the lumber mill, which the cats call Treecutplace, RiverClan border, and Fourtrees. And Fourtrees is the neutral place where all four clans meet periodically.

And Firepaw asks why the clans have to fight for resources instead of working together, which was very scandalizing to all the other cats.

Then they go patrol the ShadowClan border, which is a road. They call it the Thunderpath. And the cats seem to have absolutely no understanding of what a car is. Then they all head back to camp, and the next day Graypaw, Firepaw, and Ravenpaw practice hunting. Tigerclaw makes some mean remarks to Ravenpaw, who is noticeably scared of him. And the chapter ends with Firepaw catching and killing his first mouse in the forest.

Chapter six starts off with a time skip of two moons. Firepaw's out on the hunting patrol. He's about to catch a vole and then a strange cat interrupts him who turns out to be Graypaw. They have a little fight and then some banter about how loud Graypaw is. And as an apology for scaring away the vole, Graypaw offers to help Firepaw hunt. Along the way they see a fox, and Graypw's like, damn, a fox totally would have killed you before, haha. Isn't that funny?

And then their hunt takes them all the way to the Thunderpath, which Firepaw briefly touches, and as he touches it, he thinks he sees the eyes of a ShadowClan warrior across the road. And then they run away from the Thunderpath and go their separate ways. Chapter seven, great chapter, instantly opens on Firepaw getting attacked by an unknown cat, who helpfully announces that she's Yellowfang in third person. Firepaw is like, wow, Yellowfang looks all fucked up and old and gross, and then attacks her again because she's trying to hunt in ThunderClan territory. And there's a fight scene between them in which Firepaw eventually wins. Yellowfang is like, better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.

And then compares him to a kittypet, which really riles up Firepaw. But he decides he's going to help her and get her some food because he's a nice boy. He catches a rabbit and Yellowfang eats it, and then Firepaw eats some of the leftover scraps because he's hungry. But in doing so he is breaking the warrior code of feeding the clan before himself. And then, oh no, ThunderClan cats show up.

So chapter eight. A lot happens. Firepaw and Yellowfang are confronted by the ThunderClan patrol, which includes Bluestar and Tigerclaw and Graypaw. And Bluestar's like, I hope you had a good reason for breaking the warrior code and feeding the enemy and yourself. But then Bluestar realizes Yellowfang is in fact ShadowClan's former medicine cat. Some of the other warriors say they should just kill Yellowfang but Bluestar decides to bring her back to camp.

On the way Graypaw explains that Yellowfang must be a loner now, which means not attached to any clan but not a kittypet, either. Once the patrol gets back to camp, Firepaw has to watch everyone else besides him eat because he broke the warrior code. He listens to Bluestar and Tigerclaw debate what to do with Yellowfang, and Bluestar explains that they should keep Yellowfang around because she might share ShadowClan intel.

Bluestar calls a meeting and then delivers the news that they couldn't find a single WindClan cat in WindClan territory and that ShadowClan appeared to have attacked WindClan. Everyone is shocked. Bluestar decides that ThunderClan has to hunker down and prepare themselves for a possible ShadowClan attack. And she also decides the apprentices need to be trained faster and takes Firepaw on as her own apprentice. But then Firestar-- Firestar, whoops. Bluestar. Bluestar gives Firepaw his punishment, which is to take care of Yellowfang, and hunt for her, and clean up her "dirt," quote unquote.

Our last chapter is chapter nine. Firepaw goes over to talk to Yellowfang, where she taunts him for being a former kittypet. Firepaw then psychoanalyzes her and is like, you're just humiliated that you have to rely on any cat, which Yellowfang seems impressed by, and they're kind of chill after that. Three days later, the apprentices are heading out for training, and Sandpaw and Dustpaw mock Firepaw for being Yellowfang's caretaker and the fact that Bluestar still has yet to actively train him.

After Firepaw catches Yellowfang's breakfast, there's a scene where Yellowfang reacts very badly to a kitten running into her and imply some sort of bad backstory about her and children. And then there's some scene setting about how ThunderClan is fortifying their camp for an attack. Firepaw goes to visit Spottedleaf, the medicine cat, for some supplies for Yellowfang, and Firepaw feels, quote, "suddenly cheerful and tingling with energy" after the meeting.

There's a few more scenes with caring for Yellowfang and hunting, and then there's a scene where Graypaw offers to bring food to Yellowfang instead and has to overeat to cover up when Tigerclaw confronts him. And the chapter ends with Firepaw running off to look after Yellowfang again. So that's all of our chapters for this week. Anyone have opening thoughts?

JULIAN: Firepaw needs to learn road safety.

PAZ: Okay, the fact that Firepaw doesn't know what a car is? Kinda...

JULIAN: He used to be a kittypet!

PAZ: Yeah, I mean like I guess he's never been to the vet to get his balls cut off, but he probably still like saw out the window every day.

JULIAN: Did he never see his humans like go get groceries?

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: Did they not bring him home in a car? I have so many questions.

LIZ: Maybe he was asleep. He's just a little baby.

JULIAN: That's true.

PAZ: He is a little baby. I do have to rescind my call out post for Firepaw because I think Julian pointed out that he is six months old and is--

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: --just a little guy, so.

LIZ: He's so little.

JULIAN: Now I did see that. I did see that in an Amazon review so I don't know if it's canon or not.

PAZ: I mean, I guess it's true he has to be pretty young if he hadn't gone to get neutered yet.

JULIAN: He's just a baby, and he has baby's first crush on Spottedleaf.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Yeah, I think we can get to that.

LIZ: I've got some highlights from that I wanna talk about.

PAZ: Yeah, do we want to kind of go a little bit in chronological order?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean the first chapter is kind of just more shit about patrolling and stuff.

JULIAN: He does do that-- he suggests that they all share prey, but the other cats are too tied to the scarcity mindset.

PAZ: Yes, that is definitely, like, once again, there is extreme like cat nationalism, like very, very strict like border control. And also, like, xenophobia, and absolutely no sharing resources.

JULIAN: It seems like, aside from that one question, though, he's bought into it very quickly because like there's one point where he smells the other cats and he's like, Oh, they smell nasty.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: And it's like, what, what are you talking about?

PAZ: That, yeah, that, like, cultural conditioning real fast.

LIZ: Well, he's like, he's a baby so he's just imprinted instantly I guess. Not that it's good, but um, yeah, the smell thing comes up very soon when he sees or smells the other cats. Like oh, it's sour and bad.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: I think they all smell sour and bad because they're just living in a forest, probably,

PAZ: Who... I don't know. I don't, I mean, cats still groom themselves. That's the good thing about cats.

JULIAN: I mean, Yellowfang smells sour. I'm jumping ahead, though. The descriptions of hunting are like very... They make me want to hunt. They're very good to read.

PAZ: Yeah, I think, like the hunting and fighting descriptions are all really good.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Although I do, I do think that like written out... Liz, I think you're cutting out a whole bunch for me.

LIZ: Yeah, I think I am. I don't... Let me try restarting from the beginning, I guess.

PAZ: Okay.

LIZ: Sorry, one second.

PAZ: That's okay.

JULIAN: It's okay.

LIZ: Hello?

JULIAN: Oh, hello.

PAZ: Hello.

LIZ: Hi.

PAZ: Welcome back.

LIZ: Hi. I hope it sticks this time.

PAZ: We're being censored.

LIZ: We are. We said too much about the balls.

PAZ: Okay, so we were talking about hunting, hunting and fight stuff.

LIZ: Right.

PAZ: I was gonna say is that the hunting and fighting is all very well written, but the like written out cat sounds are extremely funny.

JULIAN: Oh god.

PAZ: Like I have a page open here to the Yellowfang and Firepaw fight. I'll read some for us. "Grawr. Yow."

LIZ: Go on.

JULIAN: Somebody learned about onomatopoeia in English class.

PAZ: I think it's great, I think it's so characterful.

LIZ: There's a part later when Yellowfang is laughing and it's written out as like mrr-ow-ow-ow.

PAZ: This, I think, Julian said it last episode, said is dead disease. Also must write out all sound.

JULIAN: No, I think my favorite, and maybe this is the one you're talking about, Liz, where it's "'Reow-wow-wow,' Yellowfang screamed in agony." And you know, when I hear the sound "ow-wow," I definitely think agony.

LIZ: Well, that's what I say when I'm in agony, like, ow, owie. We're the same, me and cats.

PAZ: Beautiful, beautiful stuff.

LIZ: I actually word searched "said" just to check, Didn't look--

JULIAN: Oh good.

LIZ: Don't worry, I didn't look past the chapters we read, and it only comes up when someone else is talking like in dialogue. Like Person A is being like, oh, person B said this.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh yeah.

LIZ: There are a few instances of “said” as a dialog indicator later, but um, I didn't look--

PAZ: Do you have a count on that, or does it not give you that?

LIZ: I don't think it gives you the count on Libby.

PAZ: Darn.

JULIAN: Let me see if it does on my reader. Yeah, it definitely gives me a count for other words, because I just did a search for Yellowfang.

PAZ: Oh, please tell me how many times “said” is in this book.

JULIAN: So “said” appears in this entire book, this entire, like 20 chapter book--

PAZ: It's almost 300 pages, I think.

JULIAN: Yeah, so, do we want to do bets, over/under?

PAZ: Okay. Over 25.

LIZ: I'm going to say, under 100.

JULIAN: It is 34 times.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: In this entire book.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: That is not a lot.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: And it's not that the cats don't talk. They talk a lot.

LIZ: They meow a lot, and they yowl, and they mew.

PAZ: And purr. They're not saying.

JULIAN: They purr so much.

LIZ: Oh, we need to talk about the purr.

JULIAN: We have to talk about the purring.

LIZ: I've got it right in front of me.

PAZ: Yeah? You want to read it, or?

LIZ: Yeah, I know we're jumping ahead a little but, um.

PAZ: No, go ahead.

LIZ: Someone told me that it's usually a horny indicator. I was very alarmed because when we meet Yellowfang-- I'll read you the paragraph. "Yellowfang seemed to sense the change in him. Her fierce orange eyes sparked with new respect. Tipping her head, and dropping eye contact, she started to back off. 'No need to be hasty now,' she purred in a silky tone."

PAZ: This to Firepaw?

LIZ: Yes, when they meet.

PAZ: Okay, I think I was saying like, just like in the world connotation-wise, purr is like, like flirty to me, because just of humans.

JULIAN: Same.

PAZ: But I don't think the book uses it that way, but it's so funny.

LIZ: Yeah, I hope not. because when this happened I was like, Oh, is this like the girl cat that's going to be the love interest, or whatever.

[Julian snorts]

PAZ: No.

LIZ: But no, she's like an old lady.

JULIAN: Oh my god, yeah, no, Yellowfang, especially like "purred in a silky tone." Yeah, that, to me, reads very horny.

PAZ: Yeah, like I know they're cats but, like, we're not. We are humans reading it, and I think words have connotations. But I guess also, we're not 12. So maybe...

JULIAN: That's true.

LIZ: I guess it's supposed to come off as more menacing, because she's trying to menace. I think.

PAZ: Like sinister.

JULIAN: I think she's trying to be snarky, kind of.

LIZ: Yeah. But it was just very alarming to read the first time

JULIAN: Oh, we did learn-- I made a note of this in chapter six when we see the fox, they also discuss badgers.

[Liz gasps]

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: We do learn that Halftail was not born with the name Halftail and that, I guess, was not his original warrior name because he lost his tail to a badger.

LIZ: Do you think he was like Mediumtail? Because there's already a Longtail.

PAZ: I've also made the same exact note of there being badger confirmation and also name change confirmation.

LIZ: Good for them.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean that's... is that like he changed his name, or like someone was like haha Halftail, and everybody started calling him Halftail?

LIZ: Aw, that's sad.

PAZ: That would be very sad.

LIZ: Maybe he's like I survived a badger. I'm Halftail now. Check it out. Badgers show up in a lot of these books with animals doing violence.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: I've never seen a badger. I don't even think I've seen a badger at a zoo.

JULIAN: Do they live in North America? I should know this but I super don't.

LIZ: They do, yeah.

PAZ: They do? I know we have wolverines, which are even scarier.

LIZ: Or mm, maybe, this is a book written by eight British people, right?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Right. Oh, there are American badgers, but they're a different species.

PAZ: Oh, okay.

LIZ: So they're British badgers.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: I see.

JULIAN: I'm pulling up their-- yeah, yeah, the European badger is across basically all of Europe except the very top of Scandinavia.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Those motherfuckers can move.

JULIAN: And some of the islands. Oh, there aren't any American badgers on the East Coast. That's why I have not seen any of them.

LIZ: Well, you're safe then. They're real mean.

PAZ: Are they?

LIZ: I say that like I've seen them. I haven't.

PAZ: I don't know anything about badgers, except that they attacked Halftail, but um, speaking of cat stuff. Lots of balls talk last section. Gotta say, there is a real focus on pee also.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: And there's lots of mention of spraying to mark territory. Once again, the things this series chooses to be realistic about.

JULIAN: See, so I was unclear whether that was actually pee, or whether it was like-- because I know that cats will, like, are described as like spraying their scent, but I don't know if that's actually peeing, or if it's like coming from their scent glands, because I do not have experience with non-neutered male cats.

PAZ: I have a lovely description for you.

JULIAN: Oh, great, thank you.

PAZ: From google.com. "Spraying is when a cat backs up to a vertical surface with their tail erect and squirts urine."

JULIAN: Goddammit.

PAZ: I just...

LIZ: Well, now we have confirmation.

JULIAN: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

PAZ: Why, why does this book have to be realistic about the worst things?

JULIAN: There was so much focus on Yellowfang's absolutely gnarly parasite situation.

LIZ: Oh, the-- I remember what they call it. It's her "rump."

JULIAN: They're like-- there was a description of Firepaw crunching her fleas between his teeth.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: No, no.

JULIAN: And I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever read.

PAZ: Yeah, like when he got the punishment of being like, Oh, you have to go take care of Yellowfang, like some other cats even said like, oh I hope you're good at crunching fleas or whatever.

JULIAN: I did not think that was like a-- do they have to crunch-- do the other cats have fleas? Like are they worried that they're going to get fleas from her? Do they have to crunch all the fleas for all of the elders? I'm very curious about the flea situation in this camp where all the cats live together.

PAZ: Well, you're not gonna get the answer to that. But you will get the realistic pee experience.

LIZ: The pee is such a dramatic reveal, too, because it's like-- there's a moment of horror because they find out that ShadowClan's like all up in their territory or something. And it's because, oh, someone's been spraying here.

PAZ: Yeah, I know.

LIZ: Also wait, during the flea... thing, it's shown that like Firepaw can use his paws to like put the, whatever medicine on, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, he puts the mouse bile on with his paws and then has to go wash them in the river. Is that a thing that cats do?

PAZ: I don't think so.

LIZ: Why did he have to crunch, then? Couldn't he just like--

PAZ: Well, fleas are too tiny.

JULIAN: Yeah, the mouse bile was for the ticks, to get the ticks to release.

LIZ: Oh right.

JULIAN: She is rife with parasites.

PAZ: Should we just talk about Yellowfang while we're talking about her parasite situation?

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Yeah, she's also the whole second half of the chapters we read, basically, so.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I love her.

LIZ: She's mean and good.

PAZ: Yeah, we all established that we love her before we started talking about this chapter. But yeah, she rules. She's just like an old mean, cool cat.

JULIAN: I mean, I'm always a sucker for a mean old lady. And that's her. Plus apparently she has, like every other female character in the series, child trauma.

PAZ: I know, I got to that scene, and I'm like, oh god, come on.

LIZ: It comes so suddenly. I also have that bookmarked, cause it happened while she was just like being mean to some kids. Let me see. Yeah, she like, she says, "'I have no kits,' Yellowfang spat." And then she turns around and then she sounds very wistful. And then she says, specifically, "accidents seem to happen to kits when I'm around them." Just as like conversation.

JULIAN: Just as a normal thing you say to the child who's caring for you.

LIZ: To the child who's caring for you, in front of even younger children.

PAZ: I mean, Firepaw did like a full psychoanalyze scene on her, so we're getting real personal here.

JULIAN: As a kittypet, he knows all about Freud.

PAZ: Yeah, new Firepaw lore, just dropped. Avid reader of Freud. But yeah, I think it was brought up that like, oh, there's a lot of weird plots about like child loss and infertility in these books. And I don't remember well enough to say so. But I'm like, this is it. This is it coming over the horizon at us.

JULIAN: Yeah, if I remember correctly, there's a lot of them, to the point that I gave my medicine cat OC some of her own child trauma.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: It just seemed like the thing to do.

LIZ: Do the cats have a low birth rate?

PAZ: I don't think so.

LIZ: Is it cause there's like some, some guy out there just like catching and neutering cats, because he thinks it's safer for the cat population? Is there just like one vet who's everyone's enemy in this book?

PAZ: No, no. We've already established you can't be a warrior if your balls are cut off. Like I just don't think they'll let you into the camp, so.

LIZ: Does it only apply to like male cats, though, or, or is there--

PAZ: No, I don't think so. I don't remember anything about being like an unnatural infertility thing.

LIZ: Alright that's good, I guess.

JULIAN: Yeah it's mostly like they lose cats who are already born.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Or like they can't have children because they're a medicine cat and it's forbidden.

PAZ: Spoiler, they do.

LIZ: Yeah, I kind of assumed.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't remember what Yellowfang's child relationship situation is. But I assume we'll find out.

LIZ: I don't know, hearing that there is going to be more of this from many corners has a very like Whedonesque foreshadowing.

PAZ: Yeah, okay, I was trying to think of like, Oh, who's that person who does like weird infertility plots all the time. Yeah, yeah, it's Joss Whedon.

JULIAN: Now that you mentioned that the cats are all barefoot also.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: No. I'm saying no but there are a lot of like foot names also.

PAZ: If they ever make a Warriors Cat movie--

JULIAN: There you go.

PAZ: --they know who to call up. It's Joss Whedon.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Ugh, god.

LIZ: Warrior Cats as directed by Quentin Tarantino. [laughs]

JULIAN: I would bet money that somewhere there's like a animated Warrior Cats video set to some like Pulp Fiction dialogue or something.

PAZ: Oh my god, you're probably right.

JULIAN: Listeners, if you find it, tweet it at us.

PAZ: Please.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: Alright, but putting the feet aside. Yeah, we love Yellowfang here. Is there anything else we want to say about her?

JULIAN: I want her and Spottedleaf to talk, but they do not seem to yet.

PAZ: I did write down that Yellowfang also calls Spottedleaf like, “pretty little medicine cat.” I was like, damn, okay. Yeah, I want them to talk. I also think Firepaw was rude as hell when he described her. Real grody description.

LIZ: Yeah, she, she just got like, what, attacked by some badgers right? That's why she's all fucked up?

PAZ: Yeah, that's what happened.

LIZ: Yeah, sure. Anyway.

JULIAN: Definitely.

LIZ: You should be a nicer young man. Just because you live in the forest doesn't mean you don't have to be nice to little old ladies.

PAZ: That's actually kinda like--

JULIAN: He should respect his elders.

PAZ: Yeah, Bluestar is very insistent, like, be nice to elders, which is nice.

LIZ: Yeah, there's the part where the other young cats are making fun of Firepaw for having to take care of her. And then she's like, it's not embarrassing to take care of old people.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: That's a nice lesson, I think.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I'm also, I know we don't get it in these chapters, but Bluestar. I want more Bluestar content.

LIZ: She's good.

PAZ: She kinda hasn't really been a character in focus yet so far. She's kind of been like giving speeches and orders.

LIZ: I'm like, assuming she's gonna step in more since she has to train Firepaw, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yes. Yeah, no. We'll see more from her if I remember correctly.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm pretty sure, I mean, she's a pretty important character.

JULIAN: She'll be a girl boss on screen.

PAZ: Please.

JULIAN: What was the pun that Gabe was mad that we didn't make? Cat-paw-talism?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: I think it was instead of capitalism, cat-- catpawtalism or something like that.

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: It's weird because they don't have catpawtalism.

JULIAN: They don't.

PAZ: There is a scarcity-- they have like, they share. They share resources but there is a scarcity narrative.

JULIAN: It's like, socialism, but like, each of the clans is like its own little socialist state.

PAZ: It's nationalism, and then socialism.

LIZ: Just a little xenophobia, just for flavor.

PAZ: There's so-- that's another thing. There's so much. There was even some eugenics-esque stuff that showed up.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Yeah, where-- I forget who, but somebody was saying-- it was Yellowfang. She's like, kittypet blood is not the same as warriors blood.

JULIAN: Oh right.

LIZ: Oh yeah.

PAZ: And I was like, whoa. Slow down there.

LIZ: He's just like a little baby.

JULIAN: Also all cats are the same.

PAZ: Yeah, all cats are queens.

LIZ: It's true. Also you think they'd be like, less like hard on the blood stuff on account of like all of them probably being like stray cats, right.

PAZ: Yeah, these aren't like wild cats with like the species. They're just stray cats.

LIZ: Yeah, they're just, whatever. It's not like any of them are, I don't know, like purebred Scottish Folds or something.

PAZ: I think a pure--

JULIAN: Well, according to that one drawing, Yellowfang is clearly Persian.

PAZ: Yeah, so, so I have the Cats of the Clan book, which comes with full illustrations of all the important cats. And there was a Yellowfang illustration in there, and she was indeed a Persian cat.

LIZ: Maybe she's like, she's just like, she's got a Persian cat dad or something.

PAZ: No but, but--

JULIAN: Her dark secret is that she's got like a kittypet ancestor somewhere.

[Liz gasps]

PAZ: Oh my god. Yeah, cause she's--

JULIAN: I'm making that up. I don't know if that's the case.

PAZ: We can add that lore in.

LIZ: I mean, that must be the case for like a good amount of the population, given how stray cats happen?

JULIAN: Right? Also like, otherwise how do the cats avoid inbreeding?

LIZ: Mm.

PAZ: I have a cat story of my own. So when I was younger we had a cat, Maria, and she kept like getting out of the house and getting pregnant before we could get her to the vet. She had like three litters. And she just kept doing this like, over and over again because we couldn't get her to the vet fast enough like after she had the kids. So she had like three litters like that. She was going out there and, you know, sharing tongues with--

LIZ: No.

PAZ: With some stray cats.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: There is a really tender scene where Graypaw and Firepaw share tongues together and I did just write down "gay."

PAZ: They are really cute.

JULIAN: In my little comment.

PAZ: They're very, very cute.

LIZ: They're sweet.

JULIAN: They're really cute. Graypaw goes out on a limb for him a lot. He's still exposition, he still has JRPG protagonist syndrome, or protagonist friend syndrome, but he's a sweet little guy. They're cute together.

PAZ: Yeah, I think they're very cute and it is gay. Is it gay to share tongues with your friend?

LIZ: Makes you think. Um, sorry, what were you saying before, before we got to...

PAZ: I don't know. We were talking about cat eugenics. Uh...

LIZ: No, you were talking about your old cat, right?

PAZ: Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, she just kept going out and getting pregnant with stray cats, so like, who's to say there's, like, kittypet blood in there, in these clans.

LIZ: She's the mother of all clans.

JULIAN: I do have a note about how evil-coded ShadowClan constantly is. That their leader, that their series of leaders were Raggedstar and then Brokenstar.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: It's like, who's naming these cats?

PAZ: That's also something I wanted to talk about. Because they're so evil coded, like who said like, Oh, we're gonna be the evil clan. Let's all give ourselves evil names.

JULIAN: I want to pick a name that makes me sound like a real leader: Brokenstar. Like, okay.

LIZ: Maybe they're just like, goth.

PAZ: That's true.

JULIAN: They might just, it's a clan full of little edgelords.

LIZ: Yeah. ThunderClan is like preps.

PAZ: Jocks. Or preps.

LIZ: No, they've got a jock thing, I think. You're right.

PAZ: Yeah so ShadowClan is the goths. ThunderClan is the jocks. Maybe RiverClan is the preps?

LIZ: They could also be jocks, but like they play water polo.

PAZ: Wait, what, Julian?

JULIAN: Oh, I was gonna say that RiverClan gives me stoner vibes, because they like, chill out by the river a lot, and they're all fat and happy.

PAZ: I don't remember them enough to say so.

JULIAN: Because they have a whole other source of food that all the other cats don't have, because they can eat fish.

PAZ: Why don't they-- but like Firepaw was hunting by a stream. Why don't they just also catch fish?

LIZ: Is it because they can't swim? Can they swim?

PAZ: He went in the water.

LIZ: He like, just like stood in it. That's different from swimming.

PAZ: Well, that's all you need to do to catch fish.

JULIAN: Maybe the stream isn't big enough to support a big fish population, you know.

PAZ: Maybe, yeah. The maps show the landscape, kind of.

JULIAN: Is there a sense of how big the streams are?

PAZ: Okay, well, that--

JULIAN: Is there a scale marker?

PAZ: No scale marker. Does say river by the border with RiverClan, and then there's like little streams going off into the forest. So yeah, maybe they're not big enough, but who knows.

LIZ: That's so sad. Cats would love fish.

PAZ: They would. RiverClan has a monopoly, and they must be stopped.

LIZ: RiverClan is like having their own sashimi every night, and I don't know. They should teach the art of fishing, and maybe that'll bring all the clans together. Finally there is peace. Just so they can get the fishy.

PAZ: No, you can't share resources, absolutely. It's against the warrior code.

LIZ: Why? It's like...

JULIAN: The warrior code rule number one is don't share resources.

PAZ: Yeah, hold on, I gotta go get the exact thing that Tigerclaw says, cause I was like, okay. Okay, here it is. "'It is our clan loyalty that makes us strong,' Tigerclaw meowed in agreement. 'If you weaken that loyalty you weaken our chances of survival.'"

JULIAN: Well, damn.

PAZ: This was in direct response to Firepaw being like, why don't we all share?

JULIAN: Damn.

LIZ: It's not like they don't have a concept of sharing. They clearly do it within their clan. It's like here is the communal food hole, which is, you know, hole is what it's called in these chapters, so that's what I'm gonna go with. And then everyone can like, eat. I don't know.

JULIAN: I'm also concerned about like prey decomposition in the hole, in the hole that they bury all these mice in.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Maybe it's just like, aged beef.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: I don't think these cats discovered the concept of curing food. Once again, the things this book chooses to be realistic on versus not realistic on are baffling.

JULIAN: Right?

LIZ: Do the cats at any point discover cooking?

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: No, they're very afraid of fire.

LIZ: I don't know, they have medicine. That's just like cooking for your health.

PAZ: Is it?

LIZ: Yeah, gotta mix some liquids together. Now it's a serum that I eat, or whatever.

PAZ: I don't think they mix anything, though. It's just like herbs. Mouse bile, poppy seeds. I guess we're fuckin taking opioids.

LIZ: Poppy seeds are harvested. That's like pre-cooking. That's getting your mise en place, right?

PAZ: I don't think...

JULIAN: We can't get into an argument about what cooking entails.

PAZ: We have not talked about Spottedleaf yet, and Firepaw.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: His tingles.

PAZ: So we were informed by other former fans that these books are weirdly horny. And I think we got the first glimpse of that here.

LIZ: Can I read you guys a section?

PAZ: Yes, please.

JULIAN: Oh yes.

LIZ: So to set the scene, Firepaw has gone to Spottedleaf to get some medicine, medicine which is very romantic. They describe the bile in some detail. It's like some moss soaked in it on a stick, and she says to him, don't get in your mouth, because it tastes nasty. [soft jazz begins to swell] But before that, she passes it to him, and the sentence reads, "He tasted her warm sweet breath, as he took the bark strip between his teeth."

PAZ: I like put my head in my hands at that passage.

LIZ: Losing my eyes.

PAZ: This is a--

JULIAN: 10 year old me had a lot of feelings about Spottedleaf. We're just gonna leave it there.

PAZ: I cannot wait. I love that like Firepaw's getting his tingles or whatever. Spottedleaf is just like, no idea. She's just chilling. She's just doing her job. Yeah, we know why Rusty has to have his balls now, wink.

LIZ: No. I guess he's like getting older right because it says two moons have passed.

PAZ: Yeah, I wasn't sure like what amount of time that signified, actually, if that was like months or like moon cycles.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think it's a moon cycle. It's like a month.

LIZ: Yeah, so like two months.

JULIAN: So, yeah.

PAZ: That's a lot for a cat.

JULIAN: Roughly.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, so he's like, you know, eight or nine months old now.

PAZ: Cats are pretty big at that point.

JULIAN: That's old enough.

PAZ: Old enough to have a crush on this medicine cat who is literally just doing her job.

JULIAN: With her warm sweet breath.

LIZ: She's, she's handing him the worst medicine possible for the worst affliction possible, which is ass ticks, and he can still find time in his heart to feel romantic. So good for him I guess.

PAZ: Met over ass ticks.

JULIAN: They didn't even. She doesn't have to do anything with the ass ticks.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: She's delegated that.

PAZ: Well, I mean that's because the Yellowfang like won't let her come near her. I don't-- because Yellowfang's too proud or whatever.

JULIAN: Her past.

LIZ: I guess, does the doctor ever go to the doctor? Makes you think.

PAZ: Yeah, isn't the thing with medicine cats that there's only ever like one, and then the apprentice? Like that feels like a bad system.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: It's a terrible system.

PAZ: Well, if your medicine cat dies then you're just fucked. So...

LIZ: I mean you've got like their teenage apprentice, which is probably fine.

PAZ: But Spottedleaf doesn't even have an apprentice right now, I don't think. Okay, I think that's all we have to say about the reading for this week. So we're gonna move on to another exciting activity.

JULIAN: Oh I love that the first-- we found, or Liz has found an article.

PAZ: I think Liz should take us through it.

LIZ: All right. Well, I think we've already expressed some dissatisfaction with how the canon clans work, which is why it is very fortuitous that I found, just by chance, a wikiHow article on how to make a Warrior Cats clan with your friends. Last updated October 2020, so you know it's recent.

PAZ: Oh my god, it's in the cat role playing category subsection which I guess...

JULIAN: Oh, I am very excited to see what else is in there.

PAZ: Oh, it's only one other thing. And it's scary.

JULIAN: But that's an exploration for another time.

LIZ: I don't know if I want to look. Alright, well first of all just for some visuals, the thumbnail preview for the link to this is a little cat man giving a thumbs up to an elderly cat person. Just cat people.

PAZ: Yeah, we're talking like anthro people. Don't think that's in the books, but okay.

LIZ: He does have the Warrior Cats bangs, or at least some bangs, so there is some connection here to the house style. Not very much, I would think, cause again, very humanoid, but.

JULIAN: Yeah, he has thumbs.

LIZ: He does have-- well, cats have thumbs.

PAZ: No, they don't.

JULIAN: No, they don't.

LIZ: Yeah they do. I mean they're not thumbs, but they're like thumb-ish.

PAZ: They don't have thumbs.

LIZ: I think you need to expand your definition of thumbs. It's not my fault you're so close minded.

JULIAN: Also they're wearing clothes, which is not...

PAZ: No. Warrior Cats...

JULIAN: I guess they're wearing clothes because this is a rated G wikiHow article, but. This old cat is in like robes. He looks at Luke Skywalker, or sorry Obi Wan, Obi Wan.

LIZ: Wait, wait, wait. Don't you mean Obi Nyan?

PAZ: Okay, well, you know, moving on to this article. Should we read the beautiful description too?

LIZ: Of course. "Do you love Warrior Cats? Do you have friends that know Warrior Cats? Try making a Warrior Cats clan. It can be lots of fun for everyone. But you need to make sure to keep it realistic and fun."

JULIAN: Why do I have to keep it realistic?

PAZ: Who says it has to be realistic?

LIZ: Yeah, that's very limiting. So let's-- actually, this is a huge layout. I have to zoom out to be able to read anything, because it just takes up the whole page. Yeah, there's an image of some anime people sitting around a table, arms crossed for the women. One glasses guy. And they say, "first, ask your friends if they're interested in making a clan." Well, are you interested?

JULIAN: Yes, absolutely.

PAZ: Yes, I sure am.

LIZ: Mm, good, good. They do make a note to clarify that "if one of your friends says no, ask if they want to be a rogue, loner, kittypet, or even another animal."

PAZ: Hold on a second.

JULIAN: "If they still refuse, don't force them to play along." How do you force someone to roleplay a cat?

PAZ: I am not unlocking this door until you meow.

LIZ: You put them in a horrible labyrinth and say, you role play, or I will not let you out.

JULIAN: God. Alright, step two.

LIZ: If someone is new to the world of Warriors, tell them the key things about the books. I think I have to let you guys take over here.

JULIAN: Sure. Well, do you know about the clans, the warrior code, the ranks, and the traditions?

LIZ: No, I am just a mere kitty pet.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Well.

[laughter]

We don't have time on the podcast for me to explain the ranks and the traditions, right at this moment, but can I suggest that you start off as a kit or apprentice?

LIZ: You may. That sounds intriguing. Step three, decide on the ranks. And just to give you a little flavor, there is an image here. It is a pyramid of cat icons in silhouette, so it's very mysterious, but one is circled, and it is one cat icon that is a full picture of a cat. You can see its face, and it is circled to indicate decision.

So I think we need to decide our ranks. I've got-- I know nothing about this. So, I'm an apprentice, let's say. What about you guys?

PAZ: Well, don't you want to read the flavor text?

LIZ: It's a lot of flavor text. Do you want me to?

JULIAN: It's a lot.

PAZ: I don't know, some of it's pretty good.

LIZ: I'll go through it, then. "Every clan needs a leader. This must be an experienced reader, whoever has read the most books or gained the most knowledge, and somebody that can be a good role player."

PAZ: Well, between me and Julian, I think Julian might have actually read more books because I never read all of the first series.

JULIAN: I was gonna say that you've read more of the books, because I pretty much stopped reading after the, like, halfway through the second series. So.

PAZ: Maybe it balances out.

LIZ: I think you need to fight to the death.

PAZ: Well, no, this is our clan. What if we're like co-leaders?

JULIAN: That works.

PAZ: Yeah. This is our clan, our house.

JULIAN: This is our clan. We can make the rules.

LIZ: You're right.

PAZ: Okay, we're the co-leaders.

LIZ: Well, leaders, next you need to choose a deputy.

JULIAN: I'm sensing that we're going to run into an issue.

LIZ: Wait, wait. "If your clan is nefarious, the leader should make sure the deputy is wicked unless the leader isn't actually evil and they want their clan to be well off."

PAZ: Is our clan nefarious?

JULIAN: Ooh, that is a good question.

PAZ: See, it's fun to be evil, but also I know we've had issues with the insular nature of canon clans.

JULIAN: Right, see, would the other clans think that we're evil because we're breaking the warrior code so much?

PAZ: Ooh, they probably would.

LIZ: That's true.

PAZ: So we'll take in everyone and we love to share: evil.

LIZ: We go to the meeting thing that they have, and we bring everyone like little gift baskets and they hate that.

PAZ: They hate it so much.

JULIAN: Oh, perfect. Again, it's saying that we should have at least three warriors, which I think, I think we're going to run into an issue because there are three of us.

PAZ: No, no, we can make our cats the warriors.

JULIAN: Oh, good call.

LIZ: You're right. So we have four technically.

JULIAN: Oh, there we go. Which of our cats would be a medicine cat?

PAZ: Well, Lu just came up here and meowed. So, I think she's volunteering.

JULIAN: Well, there you go. She sounds like she's a good role player who can act fast.

PAZ: Yeah, she was found in the woods too. She probably knows all about the herbs.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: She knows the mosses and the leaves.

JULIAN: She's a little hedgewitch.

PAZ: Okay, that's settled.

LIZ: Dr. Lu.

JULIAN: Yep. And then, Liz, are you an apprentice?

LIZ: I'm Lu's apprentice, I think.

JULIAN: Perfect.

PAZ: Wait, you're a medicine cat apprentice?

LIZ: Yes, I don't think I'm very combat heavy.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: I like this.

LIZ: "A medicine cat should be smart, quick learner who has read a good amount of the Warriors books." Which she of course has. "They don't actually need to know all that much about herbs, but suggest them searching up different plants and how they can be used."

PAZ: "Apprentices, despite common depiction, are close to the same size as warriors." Good to know. "And it's also fun to have elders." Chloe. I'm gonna volunteer Chloe for that. Thanks Linda.

JULIAN: Oh, yes, of course, Chloe is a storyteller.

LIZ: She is.

JULIAN: She has a lot to share.

PAZ: Okay, I think we got a good basis for our clan here.

JULIAN: "Step four, name your characters. Names are very important. If your cat has a certain interesting feature, like a disfigurement--" oh boy-- "you can add that into the name."

PAZ: Oh, wait, this article clarifies some lore. "Elders keep their warrior names unless something has changed about them." Thanks. Well, Julian and I-- oh.

LIZ: Oh?

PAZ: "Make sure all the names are natural unless they are kittypets (house cats.) You would hardly find a cat named Mustangpaw or a silly name like Awesomepaw, Cocoapaw, or Foampaw. This is why it's vital to have nature related names."

JULIAN: Oh, and then also an important point of information. "Do not create mean names, or someone could get hurt, refuse to join, or tell on you as bullies, which you don't want to be."

PAZ: That's good, that's good.

LIZ: That's good. Yeah, I'm gonna say, cats in our clan can just change them when they want to.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: You don't have to wait.

JULIAN: Yep. Name anarchy.

PAZ: Julian and I are co-leaders, so I guess we're star, something-star.

JULIAN: Right. I should have thought of something beforehand.

LIZ: Warrior cats name generator.

PAZ: List of flowers.

JULIAN: I'm gonna yoink the prefix of my old OC, and I'm gonna be Pinestar.

PAZ: Fuck yeah.

LIZ: Do we not want the one from fantasynamegenerators.com, which gave me Raccoonsbelly?

PAZ: Well, that's obviously your name.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: Fishnose.

PAZ: Oh, Fishnose is really good.

JULIAN: Fishnose is really cute.

LIZ: Curvybush.

JULIAN: That's obscene.

PAZ: Share tongues at the curvy bush.

LIZ: Cootbranch?

JULIAN: Can you link to this?

LIZ: Yeah, it's real bad, I think.

PAZ: Well, thank you fantasy name generators.com.

LIZ: Thank you with an asterisk for a caveat because I don't know about this one.

PAZ: Well anyway, my Warriors name is gonna be Larkstar. Thank you.

JULIAN: Oh, that's cute. Oh, I'm sorry I do have to shout out Eelkit, which is what the name just gave me.

PAZ: Oh, fuck yes.

LIZ: Oh, that's really good.

JULIAN: And I am going to be Eelstar.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: That's beautiful.

PAZ: Okay so, Eelstar and Larkstar are co-leaders and our trusted apprentice...

LIZ: Um, wait, do apprentices have the paw thing?

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: I liked fish.

PAZ: Fishpaw?

LIZ: I'll be Fishpaw, yeah.

PAZ: Hell yeah.

LIZ: I'm going hard for the fish that you-- I'm not really that big of a fish fan in real life. Please do not be mistaken.

JULIAN: That's where the role playing comes in.

PAZ: Yeah, really test your limits. Okay, step five, "tell all your friends about your character. They don't have to know everything, but make sure they know their personality, their aims in life, etc. Make sure they also know what your cat looks like. Pretend that they are blind and describe your cat to the best of your ability."

LIZ: That's not how blindness works, but okay.

PAZ: That's really not, yeah.

LIZ: WikiHow, be better.

JULIAN: Come on, wikiHow.

PAZ: Be better, wikiHow, with your traced art. Well, we are nefarious but only because we are good.

JULIAN: Right. I'm sensing, again an aquatic theme, which does lean into step six of choosing a habitat.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: What if we're beach cats?

PAZ: Ooh.

JULIAN: [gasps] Yes.

PAZ: Fuck yes.

JULIAN: Here we go. The second sentence of this is "you may be playing in your school playground, but your clan may whisk you away to a beautiful tropical island."

PAZ: Yes, we are in the tropical island.

LIZ: Love that.

JULIAN: On the beach, and we want everyone to come eat fish with us.

PAZ: We're on island time. That's why we're... so friendly.

LIZ: Do cats eat crabs?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: I think so.

LIZ: We can.

PAZ: [typing] Do cats eat crabs? Yes. Cats can eat crab meat as a treat.

LIZ: Beautiful.

PAZ: Every week we have Crab Day where we eat crabs as a treat.

JULIAN: Can I sell you on the name for our clan?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Which is CrabClan.

PAZ: Ooh.

LIZ: Yes. Oh my god, time for crab. It's here.

PAZ: Do we want to be like ClawClan?

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: I can see that too but... crab.

JULIAN: That seems violent for how we are.

PAZ: We are nefarious.

JULIAN: That's true.

LIZ: We're nefarious because we're nice, though.

JULIAN: Are we overthrowing the clan order?

PAZ: Yes. Okay, we're actually like a community of revolutionary minded cats who have been exiled from the clans. Come to the beach.

JULIAN: Incredible. Come to the beach. We have crabs.

PAZ: CrabClan's good, though.

LIZ: Yeah. If we did do battle I think ClawClan would be also good, but we don't. The only battle we do is with crustaceans.

PAZ: I think we figured out our clan.

LIZ: We love to share resources.

PAZ: We have one more step though.

LIZ: Yeah?

PAZ: Seven.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: "Begin role play. Always accept new members. Have fun."

LIZ: All right, for our beloved listeners, if you want to join CrabClan, we welcome you with open arms and claws. Some of these questions at the end are kind of good, community questions.

PAZ: "What if nobody at my school even knows about the books?"

LIZ: [gasps] No.

PAZ: "Try telling your friends about it. Let them read a few books and then ask them if they want to join."

LIZ: "Is Flamepelt a good name? Yes, Flamepelt sounds like a name that would fit an orange cat with an energized or determined personality. Flamebounce or Flamestrike would also fit if you're looking to go exotic."

JULIAN: Same person who asked about Flamepelt also asked, lower down, "Is it okay if I do it by myself and imagine the other cats, or does it have to be with other people?"

LIZ: Oh no. Flamepelt, join our clan.

PAZ: Oh, come join CrabClan. "How long would this take? It could take from one day to two weeks to form your clan." Amateurs.

LIZ: No, no judgments, we are, remember, we're accepting.

PAZ: Oh you're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm the nefarious deputy.

LIZ: I knew it.

JULIAN: Oh, the tips are also really good. "Doing this outdoors will be the best setting as it will be more realistic. You can build caves if you use sheets." Pro tip.

PAZ: "First law of the warrior code is always be loyal to your clan." No. Striking that out of the books.

JULIAN: "If you have a real cat, include them in your plan. Make your cat an apprentice for a real Warrior Cats effect."

PAZ: We did that.

LIZ: We did it.

JULIAN: We've already done that.

PAZ: "Don't actually get into fights with clans."

LIZ: Yeah, that's a founding principle here.

PAZ: "If there is another clan around, make sure they know you're there and that you agree on borders and other important things like that. If you want to be hostile towards each other, make sure no one gets hurt. For prey, you can take little mice, squirrels, birds, etc, stuffed animals and place them around your territory to hunt."

JULIAN: "You can also use goldfish crackers, gummy mice, or any food that looks like clan prey."

LIZ: Wait, I don't remember if this is correct. Someone tell me if it's... isn't there like... so, at Trader Joe's there's like this thing they do where there's a big plastic lobster that they put around like one around the store.

PAZ: Like lobster gummies?

LIZ: No, like a plastic lobster.

JULIAN: I've never heard of this.

LIZ: If a child finds it, they get given a piece of candy.

JULIAN: That's so cute.

LIZ: I don't know if that's... if I'm remembering that correctly, but I have a big plastic lobster on top of my fridge. We could use that.

PAZ: There we go.

JULIAN: Well, there we go. That's our prey. Perfect.

PAZ: Well, I don't know. I think we got this on lock.

Yeah, I think we've created the perfect clan.

PAZ: Should we rate this? 89% of readers found this article helpful. I'm going to give it five stars. Very helpful.

JULIAN: I also found it very helpful.

LIZ: Oh, we forgot the very last tip.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: Well, one of the last tips. "Don't attack your clan mates as this can get you banished from the clan." So, better watch out.

PAZ: Wait, hold on, what?

JULIAN: Is that a threat?

LIZ: [laughing] I was the nefarious one all alone. Wait. I'm sorry, there's warnings, different from tips. "Make sure nobody gets hurt. Make sure you don't eat any random berries you find outside. They could be poison."

JULIAN: Well, that's why we have you as the medicine cat apprentice.

LIZ: Moment of respect for the founding of our clan.

PAZ: Paws out for CrabClan.

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Perfect.

LIZ: Oh, we should have like, like how fantasy novels always have like house sayings, we should be like Paws and Claws.

JULIAN: Oh, that is good.

LIZ: Because that's what we have, but it also suggests unity. The image would be a paw shaking hands with a crab claw, even though we do eat them.

JULIAN: I mean, is there any unity greater than eating something?

PAZ: No. Well, I think that ties it up for today. Do people want to like plug their Twitters or something?

JULIAN: Sure. We should also plug the show Twitter.

PAZ: Oh yeah.

JULIAN: Which is @staircast.

PAZ: Staircast on Twitter.com.

LIZ: Because we've got one now.

PAZ: We do.

JULIAN: We sure do. It has beautiful art by Liz.

PAZ: Yes. Well, you can find me @ootron on Twitter. That is o-o-t-r-o-n.

JULIAN: You can find me @shipyrds, without an A. That's ship-y-r-d-s. I did not choose my handle based on podcast pronounceability.

LIZ: You can find me through detective work of your own. I'm not gonna make it easy for you guys.

PAZ: Wow, okay.

JULIAN: Liz is a mystery.

LIZ: Listen, if you want to be a warrior, you have to know how to hunt.

PAZ: Hi everyone, this is Paz from the future. We forgot to plug our email as well and we would love for people to send in questions or fun anecdotes about the series to read next episode. So if you have any, feel free to send them in to stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. Thanks.

So, for next week we're gonna be reading chapter 10 through 14 so for anyone reading along, that's where we'll be at. And I think things are really gonna start popping off. So thanks everyone for joining us today, and may Starclan light your path.

LIZ: Paws and claws.

PAZ: Paws and claws. Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

[outro music]

[hirokiyuu]

m o r?

marchen owakens romance

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

me, sitting down with my claudelgard political marriage au: Oh Boy Do I

realtalk anything that’s a big project is always gonna be pushed aside for pef lkghlskdlkgh ive been on and off working on a olberhardt postgame thing since i beat olberic’s chs in octopath that i basically go back to and write a paragraph of every time i finish a pef chapter so that will. ideally be out somewhat soon WWWWW 

thats the one thats most likely to get Published but beyond that ive been tossing around concepts for a fe3h au where (black eagles spoilers) edelgard dies during the childhood experiments and ferdinand is picked to be the replacement heir after some political manuevering from his dad. eventual ferdibert but Very slow burn in the “they start out deadass hating each other” way u kno. i dont really kno where to take it tho i gotta wait for alm to finish black eagles so i can bounce ideas off them

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

HMMMMMM........... this is a tricky one bc basically almost all my story ideas are “hey how would chara a react in a situation like this” or “what kind of situation could i do to make chara a act this way” u kno. like. pulling out the obvious example pef was “ok but an ng+ where goro is the one who goes back” > “ok but his character means hed try to speedrun it” > “ok so how do we keep him from doing that thats still ic” u kno? so pef is basically character driven the whole way thru

but for emperor ferdie au (black eagles spoilers) my thought was “hmmm is there any way to avoid a war in this game while still keeping the same backstory + history?” and realizing that. the only way el would give up on her ambitions is if she’s dead. and then it was like going from there how all the other characters react to that nad that kinda stuff

so i guesssssss it’s like. ill have a concept but the way that it moves forward is based entirely on how i htink the characters and stuff would act u kno!!!

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

haha let’s start with non-fic authors bc i talked abt fic writers a lot recently. honestly my biggest influence is probably alice hoffman!!! i really deeply adore the atmosphere in all her works; i’ve probably reread practical magic like a thousand times......... its so good. one of the things i like is how thematically well all her stuff ties in together too like. practical magic is all abt love and everything abt it is abt love and family and i just!!! its so good

hmmmm beyond that....... lemony snicket/david handler really influences my desire to make character voice present in stories wwwww same with john dies at the ends’ author whose name is escaping me. JOEY COMEAU IS A BIG ONE (asw author) his books are always soooo well done. i think abt one bloody thing after another All the time please read th...... i havent read her since early high school but francesca lia block was a big influence in terms of metaphor (im sorry).... and akira-sensei’s writing w/enst is genuinely one of the biggest influences i have re:timeline stuff and foreshadowing and slow reveals........ ill never forget how i predicted most of lionheart before it dropped wwww their style is good

in terms of non-prose authors.... clamp for storylines + thematic stuff, the way they play w/consitent themes across not only a single story but entire works is good. satoshi kon is smth i think abt a lto when i try to think of an interesting approach to take w/starting a scene if that makes sense....... thinking abt my “”camera”” for that stuff........ zero escape fuels my desire for characters to start talking abt stuff that seems totally unrelated to the situation at hand but later on u realize its Desperately Connected thats a lot of fun wwwwww

ficwise i think i mentioned before i really consider decolark’s dialogue hugely inspirational....... luv how they can convey so much in so little u kno. pengiesama is someone ive followed for Years at this point and her sense of humor in fic is really really good it’s smth i want to be able to do wwwww ladysisyphus for story hooks + general engagement levels............

writing is good. theres a lot of good stuff out there.