#I mean mo one actually follows me here except for like a few and the rest is sex bots

[koishiphonebook]

[mxtxfanatic]

Hello! I've seen some posts talk about JC's inferiority complex in MDZS, and there were a few things that kinda puzzled me a bit. The first was talking about how JC treated demonic cultivators post-WWX's death. That him hunting them down and capturing them were just (BS) rumors? That the original Mandarin wording in them implied he didn't really do anything that bad to those he captured? As in, no actual torture? (That he was all bark and no bite, apparently.) Even looking at when JC finally captures WWX, they spun the event to be something like "wow, yes, JC is so great at torturing people! look at him, using just a little dog to scare WWX instead of doing anything else!" What did the novel really say about all that? The other matter was more specific, to ch. 73? When JC and WWX stage their fight and then WWX's defection from the Jiang Sect. How JC then declares WWX as an enemy of the cultivation world? Did he really say something like that in the novel? What were JC and WWX's plans for their stated fight? Did JC follow those plans, or go awry? If the latter, what did he do?

These posts, in my eyes, seem to almost want to make JC look like he really wasn't as bad of a person. That his actions (in regards to WWX) weren't /that/ harmful. Almost of if the rumors in the book (and maybe in the "fandom" too), painted him much worse than he really is. Which, of course all JC stans want to make their "little purple grape" seem like he's so innocent and that even his bad behaviors actually weren't all that bad when you really look at them. (Here's me rolling my eyes.) I'm not a fan of JC, at all; I hate him, actually, lol. But the things these posts mentioned kinda make me pause. Yet given my bias against him, and my terrible memory, I couldn't really recall what truly happened in the novel.

Anon, whoever is saying any of this is just lying. Jc stans lose the battle with canon every time, so they start making up shit to make it seem like Jiang Cheng is actually a good person according to some super secret text only they have access to. Many times, they will even resort to gaslighting, such as with this example. Of all the mxtx novels, mdzs is the most translated by a variety of independent translators on top of the official, and they all say the same thing (with the exception of the official, which is another topic of discussion). You do not need to understand the original Mandarin to know the story, because every translation says the same exact thing. But if you want, we can still go through each point:

1) “Jiang Cheng doesn’t torture people! It’s all rumors!” and 2) “Jiang Cheng only goes after bad people like demonic cultivators!”

Debunked (go to the very last response in the thread): everyone around Jiang Cheng, even Jiang Cheng his damn self, acknowledges that Jiang Cheng kidnaps people to torture to death (because people seem to forget he’s a serial killer when discussing the torture). He also does not go after “demonic cultivators” at all. If he did, he would have sided with Nie Mingjue against the Jin on the Xue Yang situation. He does not. He only attacks people who remind him of Wei Wuxian or are surnamed Wen:

The owner, “No, no. It was his misfortune. The person’s surname was Wen, and that Sect Leader Jiang’s archenemy happened to have the surname of Wen as well. He’s hating on everyone in this world whose surname is Wen. Whenever he sees one, he’d grind his teeth in hatred, wanting to skin them alive. How could he give a single friendly look to...”

—Chapt. 92: Longing

3) “Jiang Cheng doesn’t torture Wei Wuxian!”

Debunked: locking someone in a room with something that makes them go blackout with terror counts as torture. Some people liking dogs does not mean that cynophobia isn’t real, and downplaying people’s actual phobias makes you a shit person. Also, Fairy isn’t a “little dog,” she is (apparently according to interviews) a Husky, and her presence is what Jiang Cheng uses to confirm “Mo Xuanyu” is actually Wei Wuxian before he brings her in specifically to torture him. Because once again, he knows how terrified Wei Wuxian is of dogs.

4) What happened during the defection?

Honestly, it would probably be best if you just reread Chapt. 73 because the lead-up to the defection is long and starts at Wei Wuxian having to prevent Jiang Cheng from potentially kicking A-Yuan, Jiang Cheng attempting to re-murderer Wen Ning, then him telling Wei Wuxian to return the Wen to the labor camps because he doesn’t care about fulfilling life debts if it gives him a bad reputation amongst the other sects. This quote is the end of all that convo:

Wei WuXian, “There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted.

Wei WuXian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei WuXian does, it’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect.”

Jiang Cheng, “... All for the Wen Sect...? Wei WuXian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei WuXian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects the YunmengJiang Sect in the future.”

Or else, he really couldn’t make any guarantees on what he’d do in the future.

“...” Jiang Cheng murmured, “My mom said that you do nothing but bring our sect trouble. It’s true indeed.” He laughed coldly, talking to himself, “‘To attempt the impossible’? Fine. You understand the YunmengJiang Sect’s motto. Better than I do. Better than all of us do.”

He sheathed Sandu. The sword returned to its sheath with a clang. Jiang Cheng’s tone was indifferent, “Then let’s arrange for a duel.”

Three days later, the leader of the YunmengJiang Sect, Jiang Cheng, arranged for a duel with Wei WuXian.

They fought quite a fight in Yiling. Negotiations failed. Both resorted to violence.

Under Wei WuXian’s command, the fierce corpse Wen Ning struck Jiang Cheng once, breaking one of his arms. Jiang Cheng stabbed Wei WuXian once. Both sides suffered losses. Each spat out a mouthful of blood and left cursing the other. They had finally fallen out with each other.

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them —a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

—Chapt. 73: Recklessness

Notice how Wei Wuxian says tell the other clans he defected, and Jiang Cheng changes the statement to "let's arrange a duel." Also, keep in mind that everything after that conversation in the narrative reads like someone telling a legend: "They fought quite a fight. Negotiations failed. Both resorted to violence." The narration is depicting the duel the same way it depicted the opening prologue of Wei Wuxian's death: this is what the world was told about the defection battle after the fact, not necessarily the truth. Why do we know this isn't the truth? Well, Jiang Cheng had his non-dominant arm broken to make the battle seem real but also not to hamper his work too much:

Wei WuXian grinned, “How could it seem realistic if it wasn’t hard enough? It was your left hand anyways. It didn’t hinder you from writing. It takes a hundred days to heal a wound to the bone. It wouldn’t be too much even if you hung it up for three months.”

—Chapt. 75: Distance

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian was gutted, something the legend does not mention at all:

Although he was stabbed in the stomach by Jiang Cheng, Wei WuXian wasn’t concerned at all. He stuffed his intestines back into himself and like nothing ever happened, he even got Wen Ning to hunt down a few malign spirits as he bought a few large bags of potatoes.

—Chapt. 74: Distance

Keeping in mind that Jiang Cheng still has a golden core, Wei Wuxian seemed to have put a lot of thought into how to injure Jiang Cheng in such a way that seemed serious but was actually superficial. Wei Wuxian treated the duel like it was staged. Jiang Cheng treated it like it was real and tried to kill Wei Wuxian. The only thing I'll give Jiang Cheng is that his "declaration" wasn't what damned Wei Wuxian; him refusing to stand by Wei Wuxian rescuing the Wen is what damned Wei Wuxian. The declaration was only the official statement that he had cut ties and everyone else could do what they wanted to his former shixiong.

So in short: stop letting jc stans gaslight you just because they're loud and repeat the same lies over and over again with confidence.

[gorillawithautism]

saw someone say "he's not some uneducated, brainwashed..." (i don't know the rest of the sentence because that is where i stopped reading 🫶)

this was said in regards to a celebrity being zionist, implying that he should know better and that he's not innocent. i agree that he should know better but

as someone who has been through thought reform abuse (ie brainwashing) in the troubled teen industry i would like to clarify a few things

first and foremost, zionism is brainwashing. it is brainwashing to a political end which is something that happens all the time. there should be no argument about the fact that many if not all zionists are brainwashed. unfortunately, brainwashed people can also cause very real harm.

being brainwashed does not mean that you are innocent. i am still hurt by many of the things my peers did to me even though they too were brainwashed. and i still regret many of the things i did to my peers due to my own brainwashing. and i mean, zionists are actively killing people. i never did anything like that. we just like,, emotionally damaged each other under the pretense of our collective abuse. the genocide we are witnessing are even more reason that zionists are not innocent and never, ever fucking will be.

third, i resent the original post pairing "brainwashed" with "uneducated." that isn't really a fair connection to draw. we all know that by "uneducated" they mean "stupid" (which already isn't really fair because a lack of education does not mean a lack of intelligence but that's a whole other conversation). they mean "you won't get brainwashed if you know enough." and i mean first of all as someone who has been brainwashed i find that kind of hurtful to me specifically but you are still liable to be brainwashed even if you know things. with zionist brainwashing it's a little easier to break through it with Facts and Knowledge because their propaganda is so easily disproven HOWEVER the "facts" they push aren't their only tactic.

brainwashing is a lot about reteaching. it's like taking a baby and teaching them about the world except the world you're teaching them about is the one you want them to see, not the one that's actually there. i was thirteen and incredibly emotionally vulnerable when i was put into my tti facility and i stayed there for two and a half years (2y 5mo 1day to be exact). i then stayed brainwashed probably for another two? hard to pinpoint because breaking out of it is a process. they relied on the fact that new "students" didn't know the rules of the new environment they'd just been plopped into. they got to make up all the rules and say "that's just how it is here." and as you stay in the environment, the logic of the environment becomes your new MO. the rules that didn't make sense on your first day start to have rational explanations behind them in your head. not because you're stupid or crazy but because you've been taught to follow the logic of the environment.

with zionism, they play on fear and racism. they amplify the fear of going through another holocaust to convince people that jews need a "homeland" (and by "homeland" they mean jewish supremacist ethnostate). they use the racism to "justify" pushing the indigenous palestinians out of palestine. it follows a logic. it's an immoral and twisted logic, but it's important to recognize that for zionists it is a logic nonetheless. "we need a homeland -> this is our homeland -> it can't be our homeland if the palestinians have rightful claim -> palestinians must be exterminated" (for some, you can replace "palestinians must be exterminated" with "palestinians don't exist." doesn't matter, it's the same goal slightly different thought process).

brainwashing is also reinforced by punishment. by being punished when you dissent as well as seeing others be punished for dissenting. at my tti facility this came in the form of manual labor or "therapeutic" assignments or isolation. the manual labor was probably the most common as you could be assigned half an hour of work for the most minor infractions and you could also rack up a fuck ton of those before the scheduled opportunity to work one off. so they built up. doing that work as well as witnessing others do that work in return for the smallest mistake was a daily occurrence. the consequences for being a "problem" and the goal of "graduating" the program were the two biggest incentives for being "successful." the zionist entity enforces their brainwashing with two threats: that of punishment and that of fear. "if you leave israel you will be hunted down and killed for being a jew." this is fear. a reason to stay and continue being brainwashed and aiding the occupation. "if you don't join the idf you get jailed." or when israeli police went into an antizionist jewish neighborhood and attacked people? yeah that's punishment for dissenting. clear as day.

i wrote this post because ngl it offended me to have brainwashing paired with inherent stupidity, but also because the post i saw was implying that a zionist wasn't brainwashed. an implication which is almost certainly not factual and definitely portrays the reality of brainwashing incorrectly. brainwashing isn't someone snaps their fingers and now you think different. it's not being tricked. it's not mind control (at least not like you see in tv shows and movies). it's a manipulation tactic. it's reteaching. it's convincing. and it will suck you in if it can.

finally, i would like to reiterate that being brainwashed does not make a zionist innocent. the death should be more than enough to make them question themselves, and questioning it is the first step to breaking away from it completely. they are actively participating in a genocide, and nothing will make them innocent of that. that said, it's important not to dismiss the brainwashing. understand it. know it inside and out. knowing what it looks like and how it operates is what will keep you from being brainwashed and what will break down the brainwashing of others. knowing it will dismantle it.

[cboffshore]

So what direction is OSSAS going in with the next installment, now that we've seen Nya power struggle with Nadakhan via seagulls and chess? 👀

I'm going to answer this one under the cut just in case someone who sees this hasn't read it yet (in which case: GO! that is a prerequisite for this course! get outta here! and leave me comments, dammit!), but I know that doesn't include you. You've been enrolled in the honors course.

The big thing right now is that plans are super fluid. I'm in the very loose brainstorm stage, which means I wake up at 3 am, jot something bizarre down in my ideas server, and then interpret in the morning and hope it works. Everything I'm about to say is subject to change, but with that being said, here's what #5 looks like now.

Timeline: We're jumping straight to episode 64, post-wedding. This is one of the few things that are pretty much non-negotiable. We know the buildup, the sword handoff, Nya's manipulation - I don't need to rehash that. Dan and Kevin did that for us. Instead, I've got the mother of all blank spaces to fill once Delara takes up residence in Nya's body.

Remember that line in IICT(OSC) where Nadakhan tells Nya he thinks that her being unconscious for the rest of her life would probably be preferable to having to endure his presence? Whether or not making sure she's comfortable is a genuine desire of his (spoiler: it's not. the possession is just him shoving her to the back of the storage closet so he doesn't have to deal with her shit. who'da thunk it?"), he's going to fuck it up, bad. This is partially because I've determined and highlighted that he is shit at checking his own work (source: the fact that anyone remembers Skybound at all, especially the floating temple! and I know there's that line in the ceremony, but that never happened, so, like... HUH????) and partially because, if I made it actually work as intended, #5 would just be like those Twilight chapters where Meyer represents a bunch of months with blank pages. (I've never read Twilight, but I've heard great things about that technique. It's not something I can get away with.) In other words: boring. I've always believed strongly in the importance of the Idiot Ball in any story, and this is no exception. Nadakhan once again has plenty of hands free to catch it.

Which, of course, means Nya's gotta be conscious for this, and as is par for the OSSAS course, pissed. Nadakhan's actually right that being unconscious would be an upgrade in this case (too obtuse to realize that and realize what a self-dig that is, yeesh). So: we've got a pissed off soul bouncing around while Delara takes her body for a test drive. That's a workable setting. What are we going to do with that?

WE ARE NOT going to insinuate any spicy activity between Delara and Nadakhan. This is also non-negotiable. I've seen that a handful of times in fics that bother to even acknowledge what's going on with Nya (and I can count those on, like, two fingers), and it's big-time DISGUSTANG. I don't think one can both rail against Nadakhan being a creep and then endorse those versions of the story... I'll move on before my ears start shooting out steam.

First off: you know my stance on SA in Skybound stuff. I'm sure as hell not writing it. Second, I genuinely don't think that's on Nadakhan's mind, and to act like it is cheapens his character. For my sake and his, I'm trying to work from the interpretation that he is both of the following:

This specific tattoo - that is, too enamored with the fact that holy shit he pulled it off to do anything but marvel while that goofy love theme from The LEGO Movie plays and everyone's hair does the slow-mo romantic swivel:

2. Too tied up in his own self-doubt to really give a shit about that. The single most frustrating and interesting sequence in the finale to me is the part where he badgers Delara about if she forgives and/or still loves him for what he's done. He can barely believe she's here, let alone that she forgives him! I'm not a fan of the idea that he can balance that shock and disbelief with Enthusiastic Adult Activities. I'm also hoping to keep going with that brief angle I mentioned where Nadakhan's got two names for that face now, and I don't think that could reconcile very well. Nope, sorry, dude! Pathetic Wet Chihuahua time for you. Nonexistent pants stay on. Nobody needs to see your legs.

Nya's had enough shit happen to her - even by my relatively clean standards! I'm not doing that. Also, I don't know how much I want to rehash the death scene, although maybe I'll change my mind and continue the trend of building on the glimpses from Small Cuts.

Here are some options for what I might do (again, all subject to change, just some general ideas I've tossed around):

Let Nya witness not quite the beginning of the possession. Wakes up five minutes in, realizes what's happening... major introspection opportunity, really. And you know I love introspection.

Have Nya give Delara a migraine just because. Like, an actual migraine, or maybe just a nasty thunderclap headache. If Nya can't operate her body solo, nobody can. This could also be her causing other types of chaos - maybe she tightens Delara's grip on Nadakhan's hook and he flinches. Because of the chess aftermath, of course. Or some such chaos - little tweaks, like she's reaching in from the backseat and futzing with the radio and the AC and the hand brake.

Pull Nya's soul out of her body entirely and just let her wander around and witness different parts of the finale. Maybe she's on the deck when Flintlocke gets his aim back. Maybe she's the reason that loose locker with the venom in it turns up - maybe she drags it out after Clancee stashes it to help the team find it faster. Maybe the only reason Jay manages to pick her up is because Nya bum-rushes Delara, shoves her out of the driver's seat, and then stops in her tracks just long enough to let Jay yeet her across the lawn. (Remember: the scream sound effect they use in that scene is Nya's!)

But who's to say, really?

Thanks for the ask!

[heleizition]

u cannot just present me with gold right when i have to go to bed. i have a sleep schedule to keep to! for health! and sanity! and brain! i love them so much. ur ocs. i love twin characters, so many dynamics and all are good. the art is also just -wants to squeeze- affectionately. who were they in their past lives? is josephines 'i failwd to protec' a thing that also happened in past life? bunny person very good. love how expressive the ears can get. also cute. i think i watched the first ep of d.gray man way way back?? or the first few? i have very little memory of it but a vague plan to get back to that sometime. angel love, angel life, angel delight. the concept of god being a baby of a big species of gods is -chefs kiss- love it. sleep tiiiime, sleep well when u do byeeeee

HEHEHEHE >:3 im evil .

i looooove siblings dynamics........... so so much ........... both chronos & nath and then nell & belly weren't even twins at first it just Happened lmao... chronos & nath were almost the same character in two different stories and i couldnt decide who to keep lmao and then belly was supposed to be nell's little sister he ran from after she saw him kill their father (to protect her) (nell is an idiot) but . it jst happened. anyway

SO THEIR PAST LIVES.

The group of oc is composed of many i havent introduced yet but the major ones are here i think except my Bad Guy. so keep in mind the story is cringy and bad lmao but i still like it to this day...

post apocalyptic earth where humans live under domes bc the outside is too toxic + technology evolved so now cyborgs exist + a while back some government doctors & scientists were working in a secret lab to implants animal genes w humans to make hybrids & something about genetic preservation whatever whatever. anyway.

eve is the protagonist. she's the only daughter of head doctor of that hybrid lab. it exploded 20 years ago which cause people inside that specific dome to mutate into hybrids (people woke up to agonizing pain bc their body was breaking and morphing and it wasn't made for that. josephine was one of those people ! she was a wolf hybrid :3)

we follow eve and her then group of friends until for some reasons (<==== guy who does not remember what that plot point was) the dome had to be evacuated. something about a deadly virus ? ofc as always the rich people got away first until the dome got closed off completely <3 . eve meets several people including chronos (human guy, future bf, hes a simp) maria & arthur (yes i will draw them at some point OTL) and they stick together to survive as the inside of the dome is becoming a battleground. doesn't help that part of the reason the dome was closed off so quick was that ~mafia~ (idk how else to call it, its not rly mafia tho oTL) boss stanislas was in here and has always escaped the government's assassination attemps thus far.

SO this virus slowly contaminate everyone but its slow and rots you from inside. terrible deadly soulcrushing. + stanislas is using every means he has to try to control the city & find a way out. except ex cop and also ex girlfriend jo (josephine) is here to basically kill him lol (he broke her trust & her heart and also killed a lot of people and revenge is her whole life). josephine at first is a lone wolf (haha) until she gets very badly injuried and ends up in a small alley where eve & her friends took quarters. they get her inside and find a way to keep her alive. also at this point the group has also met gabriel ! (bunny guy! he has a tragic past and i love him. hes my mary sue) and stephan ! (his not yet boyfriend who also has a tragic past and that jo feels very guilty about). gabriel used to be a test subject in the hybrid lab. he and eve used to know each other :] they are best friends now.

at the same time nath (who was supposed to be dead) shows up like hiiiiiiiiiiiii btw im here (hes one of stan's agent but when he was supposed to die he actually survived and got turned into a cyborg with special modification in his brain which makes him obey. but he did not Forget and he will fight what stan makes him do <3)

SO um after they all meet its basically just. a fight to survive and also moments where they're like. oh we're gonna die here. lets party so hard.

stan also realises he doesn't rly have a way out and dedicates himself to ending his and jo's fight for good this time which also put eve's group in danger since jo . stuck around . there are casualties which is why she feels she failed them..................

anyway . there are more stuff but its rly all over the place soobssss im sowwyyyy

LOOOVE D.gray man . one of my first and favorite manga if u ever get the chance to pick it up for a bit longer to see if u enjoy it ... yeah .....

[iamanemotionaltimebomb]

criticisms of episode 17

Okay, I’ve calmed down, I’ve watched all of episode 17 (haven’t started episode 18 yet) and while I loved parts of it that I thought were really done (particularly dealing with xenophobia and racism, I’ll write a seperate post on that), but I’m sorry, I still have problems with a lot of things in this episode.

This is a long ass post, so I’m gonna put it under spoilers. I will watch episode 18 now and then maybe put two and two together, idk, we’ll see what happens

“I know mom and dad don’t want to risk anybody seeing us, but it’s the middle of the night. So we’ll be in and out before they even wake up.”

Middle of the night is pretty vague language, so let’s be generous and say that Dot and Alex passed out relatively early for whatever reason (TBF to them, they do have 7 kids now), and it’s currently between 7 - 9pm. 

Now, I’m going to assume secondly that Robby and Mo have lived in Philly their whole lives, meaning they’ve lived in a big city their whole lives until fairly recently. As someone who has also lived in or near (like 15 minutes drive) a big city my whole life, you’re taught pretty early about safety and whatnot, especially at night and/or unattended, even if it’s not necessarily by your parents (we had our own version “street smarts” taught to us in school from when I was in preschool until I was in Year 10-11). What this means is that you generally do not see children around Robby and Mo’s age out at night by themselves unless there’s a reason they can’t go home or for other reasons (they’re getting in trouble/bad elements involved/etc.). 

We’re going to give Robby and Mo the benefit of the doubt here and say that living in a small town, where this is not necessarily the same, with cybertronian siblings has made them a bit bold (although I’m going to bring up why this is a problem later as well). They also probably didn’t assume how the Terrans could be ‘exposed’ in such a large city where no one knows about them (although this raised the question for me about how much something like GHOST operates on a national or international scale). 

This would also nicely explain why no adults seem phased by Robby and Mo (and their Terran siblings) being out 'unattended’. The audience knows that the Terrans are analogous to children, but the adults in the show won’t, so to them, Robby and Mo are being attended (although this brought up a lot of interesting world building questions for me about other possible cybertronian/human friendships/relationships and how much autobots still even interact with humans beyond press conferences and whatnot, let alone young children, e.g. do cybertronians now have ‘regular’ jobs with other humans?)

But then we meet Robby’s friend Stevie. A kid who is alone in a skatepark at night. 

It’d be one thing if he was here as a group with others kids his same age or with an adult supervising (that just wasn’t paying attention). But ... he’s literally the only person at this skate park. At night. 

Makes me wonder if the is supposed to be more hints this kid comes from a rough house life or is getting mixed in bad crowds and it just wasn’t very well illustrated at all or if the studio just didn’t have enough budget/foresight to have extra characters in the park. 

You could argue “maybe Philly is just a safe city where even children can go out at night unsupervised”... except we literally see another human nearly getting mugged, even threatened, just a few minutes earlier. 

and Mo, Jawbreaker and Thrash, god, I am baffled by how stupidly Mo handled all of this. The Terrans being naive enough to follow stranger, I could understand that (and even then, Jawbreaker, the youngest of the three actually WAS the cautious one). What the hell was Mo’s excuse? I would’ve thought at her age she would’ve had “don’t talk to or follow strangers” ingrained into her brain. But no, strange lady offers to let her see a wrestling match? Sure, I’ll climb into the dark underground system to see that! 

This isn’t even a “kids are stupid and don’t listen to adults” or Mo being cocky because she has her cybertronian siblings with her because Mo has experience with blindly trusting a stranger who is trying to ‘bribe her’ in a previous episode. In that episode with Swindle, she clearly knows things aren’t right, and she even tells Thrash she thinks it’s a bad idea to trust swindle. That ends up being correct because both she and Thrash get threatened in that episode. And even then Mo still showed maturity and intelligence in that episode because she DID end up calling her mom for help. 

When Jawbreaker got “kidnapped”/forced to fight in this episode, why didn’t Mo contact someone? She may have incorrectly assumed this was still ‘above board’ but when Frenzy then says “and the loser is scrapped for parts”, Mo should’ve absolutely known at that point that they were in danger and needed help, especially because Jawbreaker clearly did not want to fight. Even just showing Mo desperately trying to call her mom would’ve been really great scene added in. 

Mo has previously shown to value safety and the rules her parents taught her, and understand their value and meaning, but in this episode, showed none of that previous experience or teachings. Nor does she seem to truely grasp what kind of danger her, Thrash or Jawbreaker really were in (I hope this gets resolved in the next episode).

Also, I’m kind of angry at Bumblebee taking the Robby and Mo along for a “real autobot mission” instead of at least checking with them where their parents are and if they even knew where they were, but, whatever...

[nurseguillermo]

Who: Hunter Hilton & Mo Reyes Where: Pumpkin Festival Summary: Hunter vents to Mo about Val and how much this storyline sucks.

There weren't many people Hunter felt he could turn to in town, that number dropping by one and closer to one now that Val was seemingly out of the picture. He didn't want her to be, but given the situation, he didn't want to be around her right now. Instead he stormed around town looking for one of the two other people that came to mind that could offer support, and when he spotted one, Hunter beelined right for him. "Dude, you got a minute?"

Mo was still thrown from his talk with Cain, he'd hoped he and Val worked things out, if for nothing else so he didn't have to try and be helpful. They didn't mind Cain venting, but he struggled enough with handling his own feelings, let alone someone else's. There was a a small part that felt a little guilty that he wasn't better at being comforting, but he was the distraction guy. Least that's how he saw it. He'd been leaning against a building debating trying to find Eagan or one of his friends when someone dressed as mummy shambled in front of him.

Part of him was wondering if he had one shot too many when he recognized the voice. "Hunter? Damn dude just use all the fucking toilet paper in town why don't you," he said shaking his head. Cocking his head to the side he gave him a nod, "Yeah I'm on break, what's up?" Why was he still going along with Hunter's delusions? Cause it was the only way to get him to listen to Mo when he emphasized leaving the damn runes alone and follow curfew.

"Dude when I tell you I am having the worst fucking week you could imagine," Hunter sat himself down, segments of the toilet paper folding out of place and he pulled a load of it from around his head, discarding it onto the ground. "Like, I know you guys that work here are under NDA and strict contracts and whatever to like...not mention the outside world 'cause it shatters immersion and I'm am super happy that you actually break character for me but like...no one here knows who I am except like three people that I knew before all this and I'm finding it fucking weird. Like, fuck, I don't have my usual group of people for the like...support side of things."

He was rambling, he knew it, but he didn't give Mo chance to interrupt, wanting to get everything off his chest before Mo had to get back to work. "I think me and Val just broke the fuck up, but I don't know if we actually did 'cause we didn't really get to talk about it." He sighed. "And also, be honest, as my friend...am I attractive?"

Mo glanced up at the sky wondering what he'd done to suddenly be considered the relationship guy. Maybe he was spending too much time with Knightley, the whole good beside manner thing affecting him outside work. Plopping down on the bench next to Hunter he threw his arm over the back of it. He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the breaking character comment. At some point things would come full circle and he wasn't sure how Hunter would take it, as annoying as he could be Mo almost envied him. Ignorance was bliss after all. Bringing out a flask he took a few sips figuring he let him do his usual ranting before chocking when he called Val his girlfriend.

Sure the gossip column had said as much, and he'd spoken with Val over it. Her wanting to apologize for dragging him into it and like always he'd been willing to be a distraction. But hearing it from Hunter himself it still felt surreal, add in the realization that it seemed he had no idea of Mo and Val's situation. "She was pretty upset over the gossip column putting all her business out there," he said shrugging after clearing his throat, "So what did you talk about?" At his next question his eyebrows rose in surprise. Giving Hunter a brief once over he shrugged, "I mean when you're not covered in 10 rolls of toilet paper, I'd say yeah. So what is that what caused the break up?"

Mo was a good friend, a real friend. Hunter hadn't gone to the other guy much for advice but he'd always given him sound advice whenever Hunter had asked. That was something that didn't come easy, someone you could trust, especially in a town smaller than Hunter was used to. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone needed someone close. Hunter had Kirby, and Mo, and Val, but that last one was a little more up in the air.

"She seemed fine," he said with a shrug, "I told her it doesn't matter if you sleep with a load of people. Sure it ain't nice to have them fucking listed but it ain't the end of the fucking world. So we spoke about that, and then she said she likes me but wants to like other people and like-" he pulled a disgusted face, "-shit like that doesn't fly with me. You can't claim to be in love with multiple people at once, especially some guy she said she's known since school or whatever. Like that's ample time to know how you feel about someone. And it's fucking irritation dude...I really like her..." He shrugged, head shaking and looked down at the ground, genuine disappointment coming across his face. "It's 14 rolls, but I'll take that. They wanna say in the gossip column that I'm gay but literally no guys are actively trying to sleep with me, so what's the fucking point in spreading that rumour."

Mo's jaw clenched and he took a long sip from the flask as Hunter went on. Val hadn't been fine, one conversation and he should have known that. "People shit talked me towards the end of high school, it sucks in a small town to have people in your business like that," he said hoping maybe it click for Hunter that not everyone reveled in infamy. Staring at Hunter he thought over his own relationship, "I mean if you're not down for that then you're not down for it. Now's the time to get it out in the open if you two aren't on the same page about what you want." To him sex was sex, love was reserved now solely for Eagan, but that had been agreed on by them.

Drumming his fingers on his leg he shook his head, "Look dude, Val's been through more shit before we even graduated than most people go through in a lifetime. You can cut her a little slack for not wanting to fuck up a friendship." He'd been in the same boat after all. He held out the flask towards Hunter after taking another quick sip. "You sound... disappointed? Do you want dudes to hit on you or something?" The question was genuine. For the most part Mo would say he was straight, but lately he'd been thinking it over.

Hunter again gave a half-assed shrug. "That's what happens in small towns. It's basically a real life version of the internet: everyone knows each others fucking business and nothing stays private for more the three minutes." That's why he always preferred the cities, enough space to be what you wanted without scrutinisation unless you specifically put yourself into those scenarios. But here Hunter didn't have the luxury of knowing people, or having those same people to fall back on when shit got tough. Sure he'd tough it out himself, he'd had to build up a thick skin, but people would happily jump to his defense on his behalf. Here, he was flying completely solo, and it seemed each day there were more and more things being thrown at him to knock him off course. "I'm not down for that. That ain't how a fucking relationship is supposed to work. You're supposed to be someone's everything." Hunter Hilton the romantic, who would have thought it. "Yeah well, she seemed pissed so I'm gonna leave her to it. She knows where to find me when she's not with her other boyfriend."

Hunter debated taking a drink, but finally opted to take the flask, knocking back a considerable swig of whatever it was in there. "Yeah I'm fucking disappointed. You know what it's like to turn up somewhere where nobody thinks you're hot? When people are making all kinds of thirty content online. And fucking Liam making it sound like no one would wanna fuck me, I'm a fucking catch dude. Like people would be fucking lucky to get a fucking kiss out of me, let alone sleep with me. But I don't understand why people here don't find me hot..."

Mo hardly remembered the Internet, but if that was what it was like maybe it was for the best. His jaw clenched harder at Hunter's thoughts on relationships. "Maybe it's not for you, but it works for other people. I mean hell dude, Eagan is everything to me. I'd go fucking insane without her, but we're on the same page about keeping things open for sex." If it didn't work Hunter that was his right, but they hated how condescending it sounded over all. He was gripping his knee and shook his head, "So that's it then? You're just gonna ignore her now?"

Taking the flask back Mo took his own swing before stuffing it on his belt. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to hold his breath to relax but it came out in a huff. "Dude don't take this the wrong way, but you have a habit of trying to piss people off. You know if you're nicer I'm sure plenty of people would be down to fuck." His brow furrowed as he stared at Hunter, "So what Liam some guy you crushing on or something? Cause I know a couple guys who would be up for hooking up." Knightley would say Hunter was too young he mused, but Xander would likely be up for the bit of snagging an influencer. Though Lonnie had wanted to get into the gossip column he thought idly. "Just cause you're hot doesn't mean people want you if you act like a dick. It's suppose to be in your pants not in your personality."

The whole concept was weird as far as Hunter was concerned, definitely not something that worked for him and evidently he wasn't afraid to voice that opinion, a trait which thus far in life seemed to continually get him into trouble. "Well fuck man, maybe this shit is just a small town thing. Everyone in everyone's business literally, that's how the gossip column is so fucking stacked man, because everyone fucking already knows it." Was it really so wrong to want to be with the girl he liked without having to share her with other guys? Was his sex good enough for her to come back for but not good enough to want to stay with? "Fuck off, I ain't ignoring her. I'm giving her space. That's what you're supposed to do when a woman is pissed at you."

Hunter didn't get chance to take another drink before Mo had taken it back, and he just let out a disgruntled huff, leaning forwards so his elbows rested on his exposed knees. "No offense taken," he managed to bring out a chuckle; pissing people off had become Hunter's entire brand to the point it may as well be a personality trait, "but I don't want to fuck. Me and Val were doing fine." And then Liam's name was brought back and Hunter stood from the bench swiftly and defensively, "I do not have a crush on Liam of all fucking people. He started a fucking fight with me, then started to blame it on me and telling people I was pissed because he rejected me, and that I'm 'desperate' for his dick in me. Well news-fucking-flash, I don't wanna be some loser bottom for Liam." He folded his arms tightly across his chest, more toilet paper crunkling and falling from his body. "Besides, I'm always nice to people I wanna sleep with, so thats a shitty point to be making."

"Giving her space or running off cause she gave you an answer you didn't want?" Mo snapped, they were going in circles a bit and his own frustration was starting to show. He didn't think Val had done anything wrong, should she have been a bit more honest? Maybe, but it was also on Hunter to have communicated what he was looking for. "Look you both had different expectations for what you wanted this to be. You want actual advice maybe get it all out in the open and listen to how she's feeling before getting pissy someone isn't doing exactly what you want."

When Hunter jumps to his feet, Mo does at well not liking the look on the other guy's face. It took a minute for the name to click, he'd been drunk at Val's party but he remembered now. The guy was a new dad, and friends with Val. "Dude you sound way too hung up on a guy you just got in a fight with. A guy whose also friends with Val by the way, he was at her birthday party and everything." Shaking their head they stared at Hunter, "Like you can just ignore the guy, he's a new dad anyways. Pretty sure he's got better things to do than to keep telling people you're into him or whatever."

"I'm not fucking running off," Hunter was equally quick to snap back, frustrated at how much Mo was seeming to fight against him. Mo was supposed to be his friend, he was supposed to be helping him, supporting him, not questioning every other word that came out of Hunter's mouth. "Dude, it is out in the open, I did fucking listen, and I'm not being pissy...but I see what's going on here." A sudden realisation on Hunter's part. "Staff in this place obviously gonna stick together, to you guys guests just come and go, and I'm just another guest to you guys."

That was a thought that stung, but he swallowed that down and stood firm. "Oh yeah, the fucking birthday party, how could I forget, oh wait, because I wasn't fucking there." Now that still stung. He understood Val's reasons given the shit that just happened with Liam, and sure he got Val all to himself the next day, but instead of being at the barbeque with the few people he had come to call friends, he had been alone. "Well whoever the fuck decided to sleep with him needs their fucking brain tested, and you say he's got better things to do but he clearly doesn't when he keeps trying to fuck with my life."

Staff. For fuck sakes Mo was starting to regret playing along, but the guilt that Hunter could get actually hurt or worse had been too strong since he met him. Was he annoying and aggravating sure, but he was still just some guy who's come to the wrong town. That didn't mean he deserved to kick the bucket. "Dude if this was about staff sticking together I wouldn't be over here shooting the shit about it with you." What was it Knightley said about being a neutral observer or some shit? Yeah that sucked he didn't get how that worked outside of medicine. They did genuinely feel bad for Hunter, he didn't seem to have anyone in his corner. And while it was mostly his own fault, it just seemed so damn lonely. Even when he'd been at his lowest he still had his family, still had Eagan.

Mo briefly grimaced, right he'd talked about it with Val, she'd come frequently enough to talk it over. Him with his Eagan situationship and her romantic choose your own adventure drama. "You don't think she wanted you there? Come on dude it wasn't just Liam, I know you had beef with Cyan or something. That rune stunt didn't win you any favors either," he has to keep his temper in check briefly holding his breath. One of the runes he'd tried to fuck with had been Eagan's, it was only the fact that she chased him off before any actual damage could be done that had kept him from losing it. That and he did feel partly responsible for telling him about the runes in the first place. "You ever think about just burying the hatchet with those dudes? Just as Hunter man, not whatever Internet thing you got or had going on," he said. Val had said there was more to Hunter than what he showed most people, and he did believe that, he'd seen glimpses of it here and there. He frowned at the follow up comments, "You got in one fight, the hell else he done to you? You act like people are out to get you here."

“Exactly,” Hunter clicked at the air and pointed in Mo’s direction, “if it was a staff vs guests thing, you wouldn’t be talking to me about this shit. Which shows you’re actually a decent friend. Shows you care about me enough to not want me to get hurt!” It all rationalized so well in Hunter’s head that the clear disconnect that seemed to be happening was throwing him off a little.

“Cyan is…different. But he doesn’t go out of his fucking way to fucking antagonize me. How do you know about all that shit anyway?” Had Liam been talking to them all about Hunter’s life before the town, all the internet beef he had with people. Had Val told them all?! “Dude the rune shit was funny as fuck, never seen so many people freak out over some fucking graffiti on a door. People seriously need to lighten the fuck up.” Seriously he couldn’t have been the only person to mess with the runes since this place opened? “Fuck no. I’m only being nice to Cyan ‘cause he’s fixing my phone. Liam can fuck himself, take his freak baby and that fucking weird Lennon bastard and go wander into the woods with the ghosts for all I care.”

Mo blinked staring at Hunter's hand in front of him, he wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. At this point Hunter's way of making everything make sense to his point of view was borderline insane to them. "If I wanted you to get hurt I'd let you walk out at night or just best your ass myself," jury was still out on that last one. "I know Cyan too dude, we got stuck together during the storm. He was having a rough time," somehow that had turned into him being invited to hang out with him and his crew. He already knew a few of them, like Val or Wren, becoming actual friends with Cyan hadn't been the plan that night but he wasn't complaining. His jaw clenched and he glanced away seeing that hay ride again. How long Hunter could go before the truth hit him in the face he had no idea. Though he was starting to wonder if it ever would at this rate. Shaking his head he looked back at Hunter, his fist had moved before he could even think. Catching the other guy on the jaw, moving back he shook his hand out.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Some dude calls you gay so you say he and his kids should just fucking die? Those babies aren't even a year old dude," he snapped, "You know what? Dude wake the fuck up. I played along for way too long, I'm not some fucking paid actor. You said I'm your friend, so if I need to beat some fucking sense for you to get it through your head that this shit is real then fine." His fists had balled up at his side as he glared at Hunter, "Like what's it gonna take for you to realize this ain't some fucking theme park? Your rune stunt could have gotten someone killed, we already lost a whole family cause someone fucked with a door at the beginning of the year." Eagan, Val, and Cyan run through his head. "You know Val had to report in she found someone dead in the woods? Our old teacher went next. You even give a shit how much that hurt her?"

"You couldn't best me ass if your fucking life depended on it," cocky until the bitter end was Hunter Hilton. Considering Liam had just beaten his ass, there wasn't much doubt that Mo could probably do the same too. Fuck, he really needed self-defence lessons or fight practise or something. He couldn't be known as the one constantly getting clocked in the jaw. "Yeah but you don't know him like I know him. The Cyan he is here isn't the Cyan he is out there. He's like me, no matter how much he denies it, we're the fucking same." No new town, or new business or new baby would change that.

Hunter took in a sharp breath, ready to unleash another tirade of abuse out into the universe about Liam and how he was a waste of space when his speech was cut short by the sudden motion to his jaw. He stumbled back, disorientated, confused, landing once again on his ass, hand coming up to clutch at where he had been hit. "Are for fucking real?" He looked up at Mo, this glittering of betrayal in his eyes, "sick bastard can say he wishes I was dead but I can't fucking say the same?!" It was petty sure, but that was how Hunter worked, but Mo doing this hadn't been anticipated at all. He was always so chill...but now. "Nah y'know what, fuck the lot of you," he pushed himself to his feet, swaying a little as he regained his balance and his composure and his pride. "Enjoy your fucking game of besties. Sick fucks. Fuck Cyan. Fuck Liam. Fuck Val, and-" he paused, not wanting to say it as he looked over the guy who was supposed to be his best friend here, "-and fuck you Mo. We're fucking done."

[oxtofmydcpth]

”Ain’t lost,” Hunter repeated once more, wanting the last word as he always did. His eyes never left Cyan as the guy moved his way around the garage, continuing on as if Hunter wasn’t there, with this unusually buff body that Hunter still wasn’t used to seeing on LA’s former favourite stick insect. “Well I didn’t know this was the Romero place, and I didn’t know Mo and Val hang here.” He took a few steps towards the other, ignoring the two lurking in the background, refusing to sit, preferring to keep his high stance above everything else. “Well Mo is telling you shit that is none of your fucking business okay? And he caught me off guard. Would have been different otherwise. And Val’s seen my ass plenty, and fucking loves it. But she’s made her choice. Both of them did.” The wrong choice. “The fuck you mean turn your back and I’m in more shit? You’re not my fucking carer. I'm not some fucking child. No one is telling you to keep an eye on me. Fucking weirdo.” So now Val and Mo were going out telling Hunters business to everyone, probably in more depth than the gossip column was, and that just felt like another kick in the teeth. The only difference between this and the gossip that flew around him on the internet was that all of this was coming from people he trusted…people he actually cared about.

“October Roulette?” He paused, and then attempted to hold back a laugh but he couldn’t help but spit one out, “who’s he? The fucking town mascot? Gotta be with a fucking name like that.” The low snarl from Cyan hadn’t been expected, his delivery more angry than irritated like he usually was, and Hunter swallowed hard for a moment, a sudden anxiety that he was about to piss him off even more with the confession about the new phone. “Some jerk broke it. Thought it would be funny to take it off me while I was filming and threw it to the ground. So you can’t fucking blame me for that one-“ straight back on the defensive, “-find the guy and get him to buy me a new one.”

Hunter notes the girl leaving, but doesn't let his gaze linger long from Cyan, listing off a string of negative events that elicited a long, loud groan from Hunter. When did Cyan become so damn melodramatic? Probably since he started working here, now that Hunter thought about it, contractual obligations to be as distraught as the rest of the staff at the “event” over Halloween. He gave a genuine shrug, “well isn’t it?” He asked with such unusual sincerity, “welcome to fucking Disney asshole, except all the storylines here are fucking shit, not including the earthquake. I thought the fucking trash hologram in the sky was the best they had to offer but they simulated an earthquake so they get a couple points back for that.” There was an awkward silence that followed, and for the first time Hunter wasn't sure how to progress. "Look...I just want my phone back and to get out of your hair. I promise..."

"Ain't lost." Cyan repeats, sitting his guitar aside and standing up, moving to the fridge in the garage- a mason jar pulled from the back shelf and lid unscrewed- he downs a swallow, features scrunching as he shoves it back into place. "But you're at the Romero place, where Val and Mo hang out with their friends... Interesting." He kicks the fridge closed, Wren and G watching the exchange silently from their spots- the youngest passing her joint to Cyan as he motions for it. "Because, yanno, Mo told me you two got into it. And Val told me you showed your ass at her, too. It's like, I turn my back on you for two minutes, and you've gotten into more shit." He takes a long drag, hands the joint off to G, and seats himself in the lawn chair planted in the middle of the garage, kicking one foot up to rest on his knee.

"I don't know, guys, is Hunter's phone fixed?"

"Well, between rebuilding from the earthquake, the soon-to-be baby, Rusty's injuries...."

"And the fact the only guy in town with a phone in the same product line is October fucking Roulette-"

"We're gonna go with no, Hilton." Cyan snarls. "People died. People's lives changed completely, and you're worried about your fucking phone? What happened to the one I gave you, it was damn-near brand new, and had all your shit on it." Cyan's eyes narrow. "I know I've said this before, but not everything's about you, buddy." Wren stands up, giving Hunter a momentary look that implies she thinks he's insane for picking this fight, then vanishes into the house adjoining. "My girlfriend's uncle nearly burned alive. Wren's old man is in the house right now out of his mind on painkillers because he got opened from pec to hip and blew out his knee. People that mattered to people are dead. Lives were fucking changed irreparably- and some ended-" Something clicks, suddenly.

"Do you think this is a fucking game Hunter?"

[janecrockeyre]

scum villain is a greek tragedy disguised as a regular tragedy disguised as a comedy disguised as a danmei

this is going to be long, and this is only PART ONE.

a.k.a, Analysing the plot of Scum Villain’s Self Saving System through Aristotle’s Poetics, because I Have Mental Issues

Part One: Introduction and the Tragic Hero

Scum Villain’s Self Saving System is a tragedy disguised as a comedy, unless you’re Shen Yuan, in which case it’s a mixture of a romance and a survival horror. It's a fever dream. It's a horrible, terrible book that made me feel new undiscovered emotions when I finished reading it. 

The thing is... SVSSS shares characteristics with some of the most famous tragedies in the West, such as Oedipus Rex, Medea, Antigone, the Oresteia... if you haven’t read these, I’ll explain everything. But the gist of my argument is this: SVSSS is the perfect tragedy. In triplicate. 

Tragedy as a genre is old as balls and so it has meant slightly different things to different people over the last few thousand years. I'll be focusing on ancient Greek tragedy, which was performed at the yearly Festival of Dionysus in Athens during the 500-350s BC (give or take a hundred years). Aristotle, when writing about this very specific subset of tragedy, had no idea that one day Scum Villain would be written, and then that I would be using his work as a way to look at Shen Qingqiu’s Funky Transmigration Mistake. Anyway!

Greek tragedy greatly influenced European dramatic tradition. I have a lot of opinions about white academics idolising and upholding the classics as the "paragon of culture" but I'll withhold them for now. I have no idea if MXTX has read Greek tragedy or not, so don't take this as me saying they are writing it. 

In my opinion, tragedy is a universal human constant. We are surrounded by pain and hurt and none of it makes any sense, so we seek to process that pain through drama, art, literature, etc. We want to understand why pain happens, and how it happens, and try to make sense of the senseless. The universe is cold and cruel and random. Tragedy eases some of that pain. 

On that note: Just because I am analysing Scum Villain through a Greek lens doesn't mean that it was written that way. I'm pasting an interpretation onto the book when there's probably a very rich and deep history of Chinese tragedy that I just don't know about. If you ever want to talk about that, please, god, hit me up, I would love to learn about it!! 

Anyway, tragedy. MXTX is excellent at it! Mo Dao Zu Shi? Painful dynastic family tragedy. Heaven Official's Blessing? Mostly romance, but she managed to get that pure pain in there, huh? 

But in my opinion, Scum Villain holds the crown for the most tragic of her stories. MDZS was more of a mystery. TGCF was more of a romance. Neither of them shy away from their tragic elements. 

Scum Villain would fit right in between the work of Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus. How? Let me show you. Join me on my mystery tour into the world of "Aristotle Analyses Danmei..."

Part One: The Tragic Hero

What is a tragic hero? Generally, Greek tragic heroes are united by the same key characteristics. He must be imperfect, having a "fatal flaw" of some kind. He must have something to lose. And he must go from fortune to misfortune thanks to that fatal flaw. 

There are two (technically three) tragic protagonists in SVSSS and all of them are tragic in different but formulaic ways. Each protagonist has their own version of “hamartia” or a “fatal flaw”. 

Actually, hamartia isn’t necessarily a flaw - rather, it is a thing which makes the audience pity and fear for them, a careful imperfection, a point of weakness in the character’s morality or reasoning that allows for bad things to happen to them. For example, in Oedipus Rex, the king Oedipus has a “fatal flaw” of always wanting to find the truth, but this isn’t exactly a flaw, right? Note: this flaw can be completely unwitting, as we see with Shen Yuan. It can also be something that the protagonist is born with, some kind of trait from birth or very young. 

Shen Yuan

Shen Yuan’s “hamartia” is his rigid adherence to fate and his inability to read a situation as anything but how he thinks it ought to be. He believes that Bingmei will grow into Bingge, and it takes several years, two deaths, and some truly traumatising sex to convince him otherwise. 

Shen Jiu

Shen Jiu’s fatal flaw is his cruelty. It is his own sadistic treatment and abuse of Binghe which directly leads to his eventual dismemberment. This is kind of a no-brainer. Of course, it isn't all that simple, and as an audience we pity him for his cruelty as much as we fear it because we know it comes from his own abuse as a child. This just makes him even more tragic. Delicious. 

Luo Binghe

Luo Binghe’s fatal flaw is a complicated mix of things. It is his position as the “protagonist” which compels him to act in certain ways and be forced to suffer. It is his half-demonic heritage, something entirely out of his control, which sets in motion his tragic reversal of fortune when he gets yeeted into the Abyss. He also, much like Shen Yuan, has the propensity to jump to conclusions and somehow make 2 + 2 = 5. 

As well as having their respective “flaws”, all three protagonists match the rough outline of a good tragic hero in another way: they are in a position of great wealth and power. Even when you split the different characters into different “versions”, this still holds true. Yes, Luo Binghe is raised a commoner by a washerwoman foster mother, but his dad is an emperor and he also ends up becoming an emperor himself. 

Yes, Shen Jiu is an ex-slave and a victim of abuse himself, but Shen Qingqiu is a powerful peak lord with an entire mountain’s worth of resources at his back. 

Shen Yuan is a second generation new money rich kid. 

Bingge is a stereotypical protagonist with a golden finger. Bingmei is a treasured and loved disciple with a good reputation and a privileged seat by his shizun’s side. 

In a tragedy, having this kind of good fortune at the beginning of your story is dangerous. Chaucer says that tragedy is (badly translated into modern english) “a certain story / of him that stood in great prosperity / and falls out of high degree / into misery, and ends up wretchedly”. If we follow this line of thinking, a good tragedy is about someone who has a lot to lose, losing everything because of one fatal point of weakness that they fail to address or understand. 

If we look at Shakespeare, this is what makes King Lear such a fantastic tragic protagonist. He is a king in control of most of England, who from his own lack of wisdom and excess of pride, decides to split his kingdom apart to give to his daughters, favouring his murderous, double crossing progeny, and condemning his only actually filial daughter to death. He loses his kingdom, his mind, and his beloved daughter, all because of his own stupidity.

This brings us to:

Part Two: Peripeteia

This reversal of fortunes is called peripeteia. It is the moment where the entire plot shifts, and the hero’s fortunes go from good to bad. Think of it like one of those magic eye puzzles, where you stare at the image until a 3D shark appears, except you realise the shark was always there, you just couldn't ever see it, waiting for you, hungry, deadly, always lurking just behind that delightful pattern of random blue squiggles. 

Each tragic hero has their own moment of peripeteia in SVSSS, sometimes several:

Shen Qingqiu

In the original PIDW, SQQ’s peripeteia presumably occurs when he finds out that Bingge didn’t perish in the Abyss but has actually been training hard to come and pay him back. There’s really not much I’m interested in saying here - as a villain, OG!SQQ is cut and dry, and the audience doesn’t really feel any pity or fear for him. As Shen Yuan often mentions, what the audience feels when they see OG!SQQ is bloodlust and sick satisfaction. There is also the trial at Huan Hua Palace, which I will talk about in Shen Yuan’s section. 

Shen Yuan (SQQ 2.0)

One of SY’s most poggers moment of peripeteia is the glorious, terrifying section between hearing Binghe for the first time after the Abyss moment, and getting shoved into the Water Prison. 

“Behind him, a low and soft voice came: “Shizun?”

Shen Qingqiu’s neck felt stiff as he slowly turned his head. Luo Binghe’s face was the most frightening thing he had ever seen.

The scariest thing about it was that the expression on his face was not cold at all. His smile wasn’t sharp like a knife. Rather, it showed a kind of bone-deep gentleness and amiability.”

This is the moment of true horror for Shen Yuan, because he knows what happens next: the plot unfurls before him, inevitable and painful, and he knows that death awaits him at Luo Binghe's hands (lol). Compare it with the bone deep certainty with which he faces his own downfall during the sham of a trial later in the chapter (I’ve bolded the important part):

“In the original work, Qiu Haitang’s appearance signified only one thing: Shen Qingqiu’s complete fall from grace. [...] Shen Qingqiu’s heart streamed with tears. Great Master… I know you’re doing this for my own good, but I’ll actually suffer if she speaks her words clearly. This truly is the saying “not frightened of doing a shameful deed, just afraid the ghost (consequences) will come knocking”!”

After the peripeteia is usually the denouement where the plot wraps up and the threads are all tied together leaving no loose ends, but because this tragedy isn’t Shen Yuan’s but the former Shen Jiu’s, it’s impossible to finish. 

Shen Yuan cannot provide the meaningful answers that the narrative demands because 1) he doesn’t have any memory of doing anything, and 2) he wasn’t the person who did them. Narratively, he cannot follow the same path as the former SQQ because he lacks the same fatal flaw: cruelty. 

This is why Binghe doesn’t kill him - because he loves him, rather than despises him. And this is why Shen Yuan has to sacrifice himself and die for Luo Binghe in order to save him from Xin Mo: because the narrative demands that denouement follows peripeteia, and SQQ’s fate is in the hands of the narrative. 

(Side note: I believe that this literal death also represents the death of OG!SQQ's tragic arc. The body that committed all those crimes must die to satisfy the narrative. SQQ must die, like burning down a forest, so that new growth can sprout from the ashes. After this, Shen Yuan's story has more room to develop instead.)

It must happen to show Bingmei that SQQ loves him too. And this brings us to Bingmei.

Bingmei

Bingmei has two succinct moments of utter downfall. The first is a literal fall - his flaw, his demonic heritage, leads his beloved shizun to throw him down into the Abyss. From his point of view, SQQ is punishing him simply for the status of his birth. He rapidly goes from being loved and cherished unconditionally, to being the victim of an assassination attempt. 

He realises that he is totally unlovable: that for the crimes of his species that he never had a hand in, he must pay the price as well: that his shizun is so righteous that no matter what love there was between them, if SQQ sees a demon, he will kill it. Even if that demon is Bingmei. 

The second moment is when SQQ dies for him. Again, from his point of view, he was chasing after a man who was struggling to see him as a human being. Shen Qingqiu’s death makes Bingmei realise that he has been completely misunderstanding his shizun: that SQQ would literally die for him, the ultimate act of self sacrifice from love: that SQQ loved him despite his demon heritage. 

Much like King Lear holding the corpse of his daughter and wailing in sheer grief and pain because he did this, he caused this, Bingmei gets to hold his shizun's cold body and cry his eyes out and know that it was his fault. (Kind of.)

(Yes, I’m bringing Shakespeare into this, no I am not justifying myself)

Maybe I'm a bit sadistic, but that scene slaps. Let me show you a comparison of scenes so you get the picture. 

Re-enter KING LEAR, with CORDELIA dead in his arms; EDGAR, Captain, and others following

KING LEAR

Howl, howl, howl, howl! O, you are men of stones:

Had I your tongues and eyes, I'ld use them so

That heaven's vault should crack. She's gone for ever!

I know when one is dead, and when one lives;

She's dead as earth. Lend me a looking-glass;

If that her breath will mist or stain the stone,

Why, then she lives.

[...]

 KING LEAR

And my poor fool is hang'd! No, no, no life!

Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,

And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,

Never, never, never, never, never!

Pray you, undo this button: thank you, sir.

Do you see this? Look on her, look, her lips,

Look there, look there!

Dies

Versus this scene in SVSSS: 

Luo Binghe turned a deaf ear to everything else, greatly agitated and at a loss of what to do. He was still holding Shen Qingqiu’s body, which was rapidly cooling down. It seemed like he wanted to call for him loudly and forcefully shake him awake, yet he didn’t dare to, as if he was afraid of being scolded. He said slowly, “Shizun?”

[...]

Luo Binghe involuntarily held Shen Qingqiu closer.

He said in a small voice, “I was wrong, Shizun, I really… know that I was wrong.

“I… I didn’t want to kill you…”

PAIN. SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PAIN. Yes, I know Shakespeare isn’t Athenian, but he was inspired by the good old stuff and he also knew how to write a perfect tragedy on his own terms. Anyway. I’ll find more Greek examples later.

This post was a bit all over the place, but I hope it has been fun to read. Part Two will be coming At Some Point, Who Knows When. This is a bit messy and unedited, but hey, I’m not getting paid or graded, so you can eat any typos or errors. Unless you’re here to talk to me about Chinese tragedy, in which case, please pull up a seat, let me get you a drink, make yourself at home.

ps: if you want to retweet this, here is the promo tweet!

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

[jackrrabbit]

cooking at 3am /// Osamu x f!Reader

Request: Imagine cooking together with Osamu at 3am because neither of you could sleep (or because ‘Samu got the midnight munchies lol). You don’t have anything specific in mind; you’re just playing around and feeding each other little bits of what you make.

A/N: bruh you said munchies and my mind said [[ h i g h o s a m u ]] sorry this went in a kinda different direction? but still fun 3am cooking project vibes :P

Tag/warnings: fluff, light drug use (weed), you and Atsumu are lowkey Bros™️, Osamu's kinda baby 🤧

Osamu’s not good at smoking.

He doesn’t really know how to inhale—you know, hold it in his lungs so it can soak in or whatever—and when he does, he coughs. Except he tries to repress the coughs. Even if he wants to hide it, he’s always close enough to you that you can feel his chest moving from trying not to cough when he takes a hit.

And also, like every baby smoker, he can’t really tell when it’s kicking in until he’s off the deep end.

“Can you feel it yet?”

“No.”

You shoot Osamu a glance where he’s sitting on the ground in front of the couch, watching a nature documentary on Atsumu’s TV with a glazed-over look on his face. “You sure? Your eyes are super red.”

“I can’t feel it. Give it—“ He holds out his hand and honestly you’re pretty sure he’s had plenty, but it’s Atsumu’s vape so who cares. You hand it over and Osamu holds it up to his mouth and sucks, eyes fluttering closed as the light on the side of the Pax glows yellow.

God, he looks hot when he does that. Something about a hot guy smoking, yeah? Actually, no. Something about your hot boyfriend smoking.

Except 'Samu holds his breath a second too long and you can see the urge to cough hit him… Wait for it, you think to yourself, and a second later he hacks and wheezes the vapor out in a wispy cloud that reflects silver against the semi-dark. You coo in sympathy and pat his back. “Want some water?”

Osamu shakes his head, hand over his mouth to stop the coughing. On the tv, David Attenborough talks about penguin courtship rituals and Atsumu (who’s been draped on the couch next to you for the past few hours) gives a light little sigh in his sleep. You check the time. 3am. Bedtime. Too bad you and 'Samu are both too high to drive home…whoops. Guess you’re spending the night at Atsumu’s place.

Osamu rubs his bloodshot eyes like they’re itchy, which they probably are. “Hey, can we— uhh… Do we have pancakes.”

“Pancakes, babe? You mean the ones you made for breakfast?”

“Yeah, there’s leftovers…I made you extra and you didn’t want them.” He twists around and gives you an incredibly dirty look, like this is something you did on purpose to hurt his feelings. “If you don’t want them I’m going to eat them.”

“Wait, 'Samu—“ But Osamu's already getting up off the floor to wander over to the next room. You debate pausing the show—it’s a really good scene—but you leave it going for Atsumu's sake because you’re pretty sure the narration is the only thing keeping him asleep. He’s kinda drooling on your shoulder and you have to push him off to go follow your boyfriend to the kitchen.

“What is all this stuff? Ugh…” Osamu's pawing through the fridge. There’s a lot of crinkling, plastic sounds—you catch a glimpse inside and all of the shelves are stacked up with plastic bags and styrofoam containers.

You yawn and hop up to sit on the kitchen island. “Takeout? I don’t think he cooks.” Atsumu's going to get a lecture tomorrow for keeping 2-week-old Indian food in his fridge. God knows you heard it way too many times before you and Osamu moved in together. You don’t envy 'Tsumu.

Osamu sits down in front of the fridge, fumbles with a drawer, and pulls out a bag of moldy grapes. “Gross…who lives like this…”

You snicker into your hand.

“I can’t find the pancakes.” 'Samu's pulling the plastic drawers all the way out now, setting them down on the floor as he inspects the contents of the fridge.

“They’re not here.”

“You ate them?”

“No, I— Hey, put those back in,” you tell him helplessly as he shuts the door of the fridge, ignoring all the leftover food he took out. Yeah, half of it was probably off anyway, but Atsumu's gonna be pissed if he wakes up and there’s takeout going bad all over his kitchen floor.

“You threw away my pancakes?” Now the look on Osamu's face is utter betrayal. He stands up off the floor and glares sulkily at you. “I made those for you…”

“I didn’t throw them away, they’re—“ You hold back a laugh and wish you had your phone on you (where did it go?) so you could take a picture. He’s so cute when he smokes. “—they’re at home.”

“At home?”

“Yep, at home. The place where you and me live, remember?”

“Oh.” Osamu pauses, reaches out absently to grab the edge of your sleeve. You’re wearing one of his hoodies. “We’re not at home?”

“Nope. We’re at Atsumu's place,” you tell him through a giggle.

He plays with your sleeve, contemplating. “Why?”

“Because we’re out of weed and he said he’d smoke us out. And we like hanging out with him.”

“Oh. We do?”

“Yes.”

“…’Kay.” It takes Osamu a second to accept this, but then he nods seriously. “(Y/N), I'm hungry.”

“I know. What do you want to eat? You could probably have any of that stuff, I don’t think he’ll miss it.”

'Samu thinks about it for a moment, scanning the array of takeout containers spread out across the kitchen floor. “I want pancakes.”

“The pancakes are at home, remember?”

“Yeah…” Osamu flips over his grip on your sleeve and traces his thumb down the lines in your palm. “I could make some?”

More pancakes? “I don’t think 'Tsumu has eggs, babe. Or flour. Or…baking soda?” You’re not really sure what ingredients go into pancakes. Whatever cooking skills you possessed pre-Osamu have deteriorated significantly since you moved in together and he took over any and all food preparation for your household.

He pouts at this, and his hair is a little messed up, and he’s so pretty that you can’t stand how much you like him in that second. Mine mine mine, something in the back of your brain says. He’s mine.

You reach up and Osamu obediently ducks his head down so you can smooth his hair back into place and fix the bits that are flipping over his part. “Is there anything else you want to eat?”

“Onigiri.”

“Oh…” Well, at least Atsumu probably has rice. “Sure. Ok. That’s your specialty.”

“I want ya to make it for me.”

“What?” You frown and pull your hand out of his. “You know my cooking sucks.”

“No it doesn’t. (Y/N)’s food’s the best.”

“You own an onigiri shop, come on—“

“Please?”

One of his bangs falls back in his eyes and without thinking you reach up to put it in place. “Okay, fine. But you can’t complain about it if it’s not good.”

He smiles and you want to blush. “Yes! I promise.”

So you do it for him. Even though you’re high too. You measure some rice and water into the rice cooker (Osamu has to give you pointers on how much of each to put in) and you scrounge around Atsumu's depressingly bare kitchen for a few sheets of seaweed and some easy fillings. Osamu pulls a stool up to the island counter and rests his chin on his hands so he can watch you with a bleary look of adoration on his face.

It takes you…maybe half an hour to be done? It’s hard to gauge time when you’re high. You and 'Samu both jump when the rice cooker finishes and plays the little rice cooker song, which will remain stuck in your head for the foreseeable future. 'Samu hums it in a loop while you shape the rice into lopsided triangles and wrap the nori around it.

“Here,” you tell him when you set the plate down in front of him. He looks entirely too happy to be eating your mediocre food for someone who literally does this for a living, but who cares.

He picks one, takes a bite, swallows. And blinks.

“What do you think?” you ask in spite of yourself.

“Umm…salty,” Osamu says.

You grab one to try yourself and it’s salty. Like, ocean salty. Yuck. “I told you it would be bad,” you complain, trying to tug the plate away but Osamu grabs it and pulls it back.

“Noooo…it’s good,” he lies, although his face is giving him away. Still, he takes another bite and chews enthusiastically.

“Shut up.” You tug a little harder but Osamu doesn’t let go.

He swallows, pulls a face, and takes another one. “So good. I love it.”

“Shut up. You sound so fake. You’re going to get sick if you eat that.” You keep pulling, but he insists on pretending it’s edible so you admit defeat and help him finish the onigiri off. God, they’re awful. But he keeps eating and so you do too.

When you’re done, your mouth feels dry as fuck and you want to sleep almost as much as you want to drink about a gallon of water. “Is it bedtime yet?” 'Samu asks, wiping his mouth and then rubbing his eyes again.

The clock over the oven says it’s past 4. “Yes. It’s bedtime.”

“Wait—we’re…we’re not at home, right? We’re at 'Tsumu's?”

“Mhm.”

“I prolly drove here…I dunno if I can drive now,” Osamu tells you slowly, like he’s apologizing. “I think I'm kinda high.”

“Oh yeah?” You hold your laugh back and put your hands up on his cheeks. “How do you feel?”

“Dizzy. Blurry? Like…you’re in slow-motion.” His hands come up to layer over yours. “You’re pretty in slow-mo.”

“Prettier than usual?”

Osamu closes his eyes, scrunching them up to think and then looking over your face intently. “Same amount, just slower. So it’s easier to see.”

“That so?” You slip your hands around to drape over his shoulders and get up on your tiptoes to give him a little kiss on the cheek, because he’s earned it. “You know what, I think I'm kinda high too. I think we’re going to have to have a sleepover.”

“On the couch? S’not big enough for us both.”

“You can sleep with 'Tsumu in his bed…or I guess you could sleep on the ground?”

'Samu's mouth twists and his brows draw together. You can practically hear the gears in his mind turning while he considers alternatives. “Can we share the bed?”

“I think Atsumu's gonna want it. It’s his house.”

“But he’s already sleeping.”

True, you can hear Atsumu snoring lightly from the living room underneath David Attenborough’s description of endangered falcons in the Philippine rainforest. You should really wake him up—matter of fact, you should really clean up the kitchen because it’s a huge mess—but 'Samu's already pulling you away. And you’re so sleepy.

“He’s going to be pissed tomorrow,” you tell Osamu through a yawn, but you let him steer you in the direction of Atsumu's bedroom, holding your hand.

“Don’t care…I hate sleeping without you.”

“Yeah,” you say, and you squeeze his hand and he looks back at you like you’re the literal best thing in the entire universe—and you decide you should get him high more often. “Same.”

[ssahotchhner]

like real people do

PART TWO

hi! this is my first criminal minds fic, i haven’t watched the show all the way through in several years and while doing a rewatch discovered that i HAD to write hotch. this will be two parts, here’s the first! let me know your thoughts please, i love talking to my readers (:

words: 5837

pairing: hotch x reader

warnings: usual criminal minds nastiness, rape mention, death, curse words

Everyone knew that SSA Aaron Hotchner has been emotionally unavailable since his divorce, so everyone was that much more surprised when he kissed you at the bar in front of all your colleagues at the BAU. You wouldn’t lie, you had had a crush on Aaron for years now, but you had imagined your hypothetical romance much differently. As it was, Aaron had immediately left the bar in a flurry of embarrassment, murmuring a hurried apology on his way out leaving you to the unabashed teasing of your coworkers that you had pretended to brush off. Now, days later, Aaron still refused to so much as look at you.

“Y/N,” Morgan rolled his chair over to your desk, “I’m dying to know, is Hotch a good kisser?”

You sigh, “Fuck off, Derek.”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Derek,” Rossi says as he passes by, “Don’t you think it’s bad enough Hotch is giving her the silent treatment now?”

You tried to hide the way the tears pricked the back of your eyes at his comment, but you were surrounded by FBI profilers.

Morgan lowered his voice and reach out his hand to touch your arm, “Hey, babygirl, I’m sorry, I was just teasing, maybe you should try talking to Hotch--”

“Talking to me about what?” Aaron had been so quiet walking up on you and your head had been low, so focused on not crying that you hadn’t heard him.

“Nothing.” You say quickly, and as expected he avoids making eye contact, “Do you need something, sir?” You don’t miss the way he flinches at the formality. Good.

“We have a new case.” He says simply and walks away.

Morgan let out a low whistle, “You really hit him with the ‘sir.’” You started to get up from your desk, but Morgan put a hand on your arm again, “Seriously, Y/N, I’m sorry. If you need to talk I’m here.”

You sighed and stood up again, forcing a smile, “There’s nothing to talk about Derek, I’m fine. Now come on.”

“We have a serial rapist in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” JJ starts immediately as everyone files in. You feel Morgan’s gaze on you the entire time and try not to get frustrated. He’s been like a brother to you since you joined the BAU a few years ago and you know this overprotectiveness was just him being a good friend, but it was bound to drive you nuts. “Victims are all white women ranging from their late teens to early twenties at a local university.”

“Why are we being called in for a rapist on a college campus?” Reid asks, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but we all know the statistics. There are dozens of serial rapists on college campuses.”

“Because this one is torturing them while he rapes them and leaves them notes leading up to the attacks.” Hotch says as Penelope begins to pull up pictures on the screen of these women. “Slut, whore, bitch, cunt. All carved on their chests.” You do your best to hide the nausea that rises in you as you look at the pictures. Do your job. You remind yourself.

“What do the notes say?” Emily asks.

“They seem like thinly veiled threats,” Reid begins, “They sound romantic at first glance, but if you read closely you can see the context.” 

“He breaks into their dorms when they’re at class or at parties and waits for them to come home and then he holds them at knifepoint so they won’t scream.” Penelope says, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Risky to do in a dorm building and no one’s seen him?” Morgan says.

Rossi ponders this, “That means he must blend in, someone no one would think twice about being inside. A student, an RA, or a university official.”

“University officials don’t normally enter student dorms unless there’s an issue, they’d be more likely to stand out and students would talk about them showing up.” Hotch muses.

“Y/N, you’re awful quiet today,” Emily nudges your elbow, “What do you think?”

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but Aaron’s. Still looking at his manila folder as if Emily hadn’t addressed you. As if you didn’t exist. You clear your throat, “I think the RA or student theory makes sense. We should probably interview the RA of the first victim, assuming he’s a man. It would make sense to me that he would start with one of his own students and then begin to branch out. Maybe he thought he could stop, get that release he needed after just one, but the need only grew stronger.”

“Wheels up in thirty, we’ll discuss more on the plane.” Hotch says and stands, walking out of the room without another glance.

“Did something happen last night at the bar?” Emily murmurs, the only member of the team who didn’t make it out the night before, “Hotch is acting really weird around you.”

Derek snickers on the other side of you and you elbow him, “That’s it, I’m going to talk to him.”

Reid winces, “Good luck.”

“It’ll be fine, kid.” Rossi says and squeezes your shoulder as you pass.

You take a long breath before you finally build the courage to walk into Aaron’s office where he’s packing his briefcase. “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it wait until we’re on the plane, agent?”

Agent. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling, “No, sir, it can’t.” You can’t hide the bite in your words this time. He finally looks at you, really looks at you. You wonder what he sees.

“Close the door.” He says quietly and then sits behind his desk.

You walk slowly to the seat in front of his desk. This time, he watches you. “This is the first time you’ve looked at me all day.”

“I wasn’t aware you were analyzing me.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t been analyzing me all day?”

“Agent, what is this about? We have a plane to catch.”

You stare at him for a few moments longer, “Fine,” You stand, “If you want to pretend nothing happened, I’ll do the same. But if you could at least stop ignoring me, that would be great.”

“Agent--”

“And use my goddamn name, for Christ’s sake.”

He stares at you and you know he hates your emotional outburst and that in turn makes you hate yourself. “Then you stop calling me ‘sir.’” He says quietly.

Your eyes soften for just a moment and then you storm back out of his office nearly plowing over Rossi as you leave. Rossi walks into Aaron’s office to see him rubbing his forehead, “Well that doesn’t look like it went well.”

“I screwed up, Rossi.” 

“Oh, come on Hotch, it was just one kiss. It didn’t mean anything--”

“It did mean something. To me. Maybe not to her.”

Rossi shakes his head, “Then why are you giving her the cold shoulder?”

Hotch sighs, “Because we work together, because she doesn’t feel the same, because she’s the first woman I’ve kissed since Haley. Pick a reason.” Rossi looks like he’s going to interject, but Hotch stands, “We don’t have time for this, Rossi, let’s go.”

Rossi sighs as he watches Aaron walk out of his office and follows after.

***

You’re quiet most of the plane ride, conscious of the looks everyone is giving you as you read the information in the manila folder over and over, trying to be good at your job instead of thinking about your boss.

“When we get off the plane, JJ and Prentiss, you go talk to the victims. Rossi and I will touch base with the police. Morgan, Reid, Y/N, you go talk to anyone you can find at the dorms, see if anyone’s seen anyone suspicious.” You make it a point not to react, but everyone else reacts anyway, watching you carefully. Hotch almost always assigns himself with you. 

“If you guys don’t stop psychoanalyzing me I will eject myself from this plane.” 

Everyone looks away except Aaron and when you meet his eyes, he’s smirking. Those smiles are so rare and you can’t deny how it satisfies you to know you were the reason he did so. You quickly look back down at your work, careful not to reveal anything you’re feeling.

***

“Do you have feelings for Hotch?” Reid asks without preamble when you’re in the car with Derek.

“Spencer!” You exclaim in outrage. Derek just laughs from the driver’s seat.

“What? You both wouldn’t be being so weird about one kiss if it wasn’t something more.”

“Okay, Romeo, remember that she’s armed.” Derek cautioned.

“He’s my boss, Reid. It’s weird because he’s my boss.”

“Well, sure, by definition Hotch is our superior but we all know--” Reid cut himself off when he saw the look Derek was giving him in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s weird.” He said quickly.

You sigh and turn to the window and ignore Derek and Spencer the rest of the ride.

***

“So you mean to tell me that ten women have come forward about being raped in their dorms and you told them to consider themselves lucky they weren’t murdered and sent them home without doing a rape kit?” Aaron’s furious. Furious with himself for the previous night and he’s more than happy to take out that anger on the local Milwaukee police department.

“Look, man, we get a lot of he said she said in here, we don’t have the time or the man power to follow up on every one.”

Just then his phone rings. It’s you. He wishes he could ignore the pang that goes through him just from reading your name. “Hotch.” He answers.

“Sir-- I mean, Aaron.” You correct yourself quickly, and then realize you should have called him Hotch, but it’s too late. “They’ve found a body.”

He frowns, “A body? That doesn’t fit his MO.”

You swallow, “Yeah, well, everything else does. He seems to have gotten a little carried away with the carving this time.”

“We’ll be right there.”

You hang up your phone and then turn back to Reid and Morgan who are looking over the crime scene. You sit with Victoria’s, the victim’s, distraught roommate and try to calm her and maybe get some actual information out of her. You don’t hear or see Aaron walk in until he’s already next to you, “Did you get anything from her?”

His closeness makes it hard to focus, “Just regular roommate stuff, she might be more useful once she calms down. I asked if her roommate had a boyfriend or anything like that and she said she was quiet, kept to herself. Boys were out of the question.”

“He’s escalated. Why?”

You shrug, “Could be because we’re here, that might have upset him and he lost control. But it could have been an accident, roommate says Victoria had a heart condition. The stress of the situation might have killed her.”

Hotch nods, “Good work.”

He was trying to be normal, you could tell. And he was trying so hard. “Thank you.” You said softly and then you excused yourself. Everything about him set you on edge and over and over the moment he kissed you plays in your head.

***

You’re both laughing to near snorting while sitting at the bar and Aaron can’t stop watching you, “You have an incredible laugh, you know?” He says softly when you’ve both settled down. “Sometimes when I think this job isn’t worth it, I’ll hear your laugh outside my office and just that sound…” He realizes what he’s saying suddenly and turns his head away from you smiling at his drink now.

“You make it worth it for me too.” You say and his eyes are back on you, “You so rarely ever smile, but when you smile at me… It makes it all worth it. The long hours, the horrible cases… all of it.”

When you look back at him he’s suddenly serious again. You can see his eyes calculating as he searches your face and you realize with a bit of shock that he’s trying to see if you’re lying. When his eyes finally settle back on yours, he gently reaches up, almost without thinking about it and curls a loose piece of hair behind your ear.

And then in the next second, his hand still on your face, his mouth is on yours.You forget that there’s anyone else in the world for those few seconds that he kisses you. Until everyone on the team starts jeering and Aaron pulls away like he’s seen a ghost.

“Aaron?” You say, frowning as he jumps up from his seat, not looking at you and gathering his things.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he murmurs and then runs out.

Derek’s laughing as he walks up to you, “Damn, princess. You broke Hotch! I gotta say, you’re incredibly out of his league.” You glare at him. “What? You’re out of my league too.”

You smile at that and try to act like everything’s normal, but you’re sure Spencer notices that you drink more and laugh a little too loudly.

***

You’re pulled back from the memory as JJ walks toward you, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “Fine, just needed a second alone to think.”

She stops in front of you and rests her hand on your arm, lightly squeezing, “You can talk to me, you know, about men. Even Hotch.”

You smile, “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine, really. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a big deal if it starts interfering with the job, and I can see it on both of you,” She’s stern all of a sudden, “I know he’s our boss, but underneath that he’s just any other man, Y/N. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.”

“Guys,” Derek interrupts, sticking his head out into the hallway, “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

When you come back in the room, Spencer is crouched over the body, gloves on, examining the carvings in her body, “There’s hesitation in the cuts this time and you can tell they were done after she was dead. And if you look a little bit closer…”

“‘Sorry…’” You read the small script, astonished. “Remorse. It was an accident.” Your eyes dart back and forth as you lose yourself in your own thoughts while the rest of the team discusses, “I think we can deliver the profile.”

***

“We’re looking for a white male in his early to mid twenties.” Hotch starts, “He most likely is able to gain the women’s trust, maybe he’s a student RA or a student tech worker, but they let him in without a second thought.”

“I thought he breaks into the dorms and waits for them?” A cop asks.

“He does,” You say, “But the initial access is how he chooses his victims. He’s a loner, doesn’t have many friends, certainly no girlfriend. It’s possible that he asks these girls on dates when he first meets them, and when they refuse he feels entitled to them anyway which is why he comes back for the rape.”

“What about the murder?” Another cop asks.

“We believe the death of the last girl was an accident.” Reid responds, “She had a heart condition and the medical examiner has confirmed she died from sudden cardiac arrest. The unsub even seemed to show remorse when he defiled the body after, carving the word ‘sorry’ into her body.”

“The killing has most likely set him on edge. He’s remorseful, upset, overcome with immense guilt, but he blames the women. If they had just said yes to him, he wouldn’t have to do this. She wouldn’t have died.” Derek continues, “You should be looking for someone who was soft spoken, but as the rapes started he became more assertive, maybe he had an altercation with a professor or supervisor.”

“You’ve probably interviewed him already,” You say, “He inserts himself into the investigation because he feels guilt and watching the investigation play out validates that he was right for doing what he did.” You sigh, “There’s one more thing. He didn’t intend to kill Victoria, but… He spent time with the body after she had passed. He mutilated her as well as continued his rape of her afterward. It’s possible that he enjoyed the kill and will kill the next time as well. So stay vigilant and… please tell the girls not to let any men in their dorms. Thank you.”

Aaron comes up to you, “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

You nod and follow him into a conference room and he closes the door behind you, “You’re really an incredible profiler, agent.”

Again with the ‘agent.’ “Thank you, sir.”

“I just wanted to assure you that I will remain nothing but professional around you from here on out.”

You tilted your head to the side and you knew the pain was evident on your face as you didn’t try to hide it, “I see.”

“You’re upset.”

You laugh, “Did you mean anything you said at the bar, Aaron, or were you just drunk?” You’re aware of how vulnerable you’re being in front of him now as you can hear the tears in your own voice.

You see him calculating what the best response is and this just infuriates you more, “Forget it, you’re just going to talk to me like some unsub, trying to best figure out what to say to calm me down.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what I’m doing.”

You start to walk out and stop to stand next to him, “You just said yourself I’m an incredible profiler, so please don’t profile me and think I won’t notice.”

He closes his eyes as you continue walking out, “Y/N, wait.” Despite yourself, you do stop at the sound of your name. “I’m sorry, I-- I meant the things I said at the bar, I’m… But I’m your boss and I don’t want to make it difficult for you to do your job.”

You force a smile and look up at him, “Don’t worry, Hotch, won’t be a problem.”

And then you’re gone and he gets the feeling you won’t call him Aaron ever again.

***

Spencer walks in the entrance of the dorm you’ve been staking out, two coffees in hand. He hands one to you wordlessly, “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Obviously not.” You sigh and happily guzzle the coffee, “Thanks.”

“Hotch is upset.”

“About what?” You murmur, half paying attention, half going over the case again on the papers in front of you.

“About you, obviously.”

You don’t look up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How do you even know Hotch is upset? He always looks like he’s pissed at something.”

“Because I’m a profiler. Everyone knows he’s off, no one will say to his face that it’s because of you.”

You sigh and look up at him, “Spencer, we’re fine, okay? We’re adults.” He’s quiet, but he won’t stop staring at you, “What?”

“I know that I’m… not the most perceptive when it comes to emotions, but… I think he’s in love with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

You smirk, “And what makes you think that, Mr. Profiler?”

He smiles back, “Well, Hotch is always watching you, mostly when you’re not looking and when he does his expression sort of… softens. He almost always assigns the two of you together when giving the unit assignments, which I think is partially because he likes to be around you, but also because he’s trying to protect you, especially after that hostage situation a few months ago. He was a wreck when you were in there. Screaming at everyone, I really thought he would kill the unsub when he found him.”

“He would do that for any of us, when any of us were in danger.” You said, quickly shaking your head to dismiss the idea.

But Spencer shakes his head, “You didn’t see him. It was different.”

“Spencer, he barely gave me a pat on the back when I left that hostage situation alive.”

“That’s because he doesn’t trust himself around you. Why do you think the only time he’s ever given you a hint at the way he feels was when he was drunk?”

Your head is spinning as you look at Spencer, “No, that doesn’t make any sense--”

“It makes perfect sense and I know you know that.” Spencer’s phone rings, “Reid.” He sighs and lowers his head, “Where? Okay, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up the phone, “There’s another body.”

You sigh, “I really hate being right.”

***

“You were right,” Hotch says from behind you, “He’s discovered he likes killing.”

It was never easy looking at bodies, but somehow it was always worse when you had predicted it and still not been able to stop it, “How did he do it?”

“Manual strangulation.”

“Has anyone checked for skin or blood under her fingernails? Sign of a struggle?”

Aaron nods, “Already scraped off and sent to Garcia.”

“Even if she can’t find a match, we’ll be able to narrow down suspects by the injuries she left.”

“The school is panicking, they want to evacuate the campus.”

“If they evacuate we’ll never find him, he’ll just start again somewhere else.”

“That’s what I told them.”

You sigh, “Why are the girls still letting him in?”

“Maybe they’re not,” Hotch mused, “Maybe he’s starting to pick the girls from his classes now that we’re here.”

“The last two victims, do we have their schedules? Their majors?”

“They were both nursing majors,” Emily interjects, “Third year.”

You nod, “Okay, so by that point, third year, majority of their classes are restricted to nursing majors only.” You flip your phone open and dial Penelope.

“Hello my delightful fairy princess, what can I do for you?”

“Garcia, the last two victims, can you cross reference their class schedules and tell me if they had any classes in common?”

“Yes, just a second… Three classes in common.”

“Okay, cross reference with the remaining victims.”

“Um, okay, wow, all of them had two classes in common.”

“Shit.” You mutter, “Can you send over the class rosters of both those classes, but just the men. And also send pictures.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

You shake your head, “They were all nursing majors.” You say as you hang up, “How did we miss that?”

Reid was shaking his head, “We didn’t have a lot of time to interview the victims before the first body turned up.”

“Alright, we need everyone looking through those rosters, rounding up every male we can and interviewing them.” Hotch starts, “Y/N, you’re with me for interviews, the rest of you keep in touch with Garcia and find out anything you can.”

You try to ignore the shock you feel that he picked you this time, noting Reid’s raised eyebrows as he left the room. “You sure you want me on interviews?” You ask when you’re alone.

He’s looking at all the evidence on the corkboard, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Wasn’t sure if you would want to work closely with me anymore.” You say, standing next to him now and also looking over the evidence.

He looks at you now, “You have the same features as a lot of the victims, I’m hoping it’ll get a rise out of our unsub if we find him.”

You nod, “Makes sense.”

“And,” He says pointedly until you meet his eyes, “As I’ve said already, you’re an excellent agent and I could use your help on this.”

You heave a big sigh, “Okay, how do you wanna play it?”

He shrugs, “I think you already know what role I need you to play.”

***

This is maybe the tenth or so interview you and Hotch had done with no success. You were tired of playing this role, especially in front of Hotch.

“Jordan.” You smile sweetly at him, making sure to lean over the table just a little to give him the view he wants, “Did you know either of these girls?” You lay the pictures of the last couple victims on the table, wait to see his reaction. He brings his hands up to rest on the table and you see the shallow scratch marks on them, you share a discreet look with Hotch who barely nods in acknowledgement.

He stares for far too long. Hotch notices his hands clench into fists. He’s excited by the bodies.

“Yeah, I knew them.” He’s still looking at the pictures, “They were in two of my classes.” He finally looks up and gazes at you hungrily, “You seem awful young to be an FBI agent.”

You smile again and then look away, a sign of submission. “Stop flirting with my agent.” Hotch says placing his palms abruptly on the table. Jordan doesn’t flinch at Hotch’s presence, not taking his eyes off you. He’s more confident than either of you anticipated. Was the profile wrong or is this the wrong guy? “How did you know the victims?”

“I just told you, from class.”

“Did you ever see them outside of class?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe, to do a project, not in a while though.”

“Jordan, do you know if either of the girls had a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” He frowns, “Those two? No.” He practically scoffs.

You tilt your head to the side, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Those girls aren’t the boyfriend type. They’re whores.” There’s the bitterness in his voice.

You try to make your face as empathetic as possible, “What do you mean by that, Jordan?”

“Well, you know, they slept around… Wouldn’t give a nice guy like me a chance. You must know their type, you’re the FBI.”

You nod, “It must be so hard for a handsome, smart guy like you to get rejected. I can’t imagine why anyone would dream of missing out on that,” You shake your head, “Their loss.”

Hotch audibly scoffs and you watch Jordan glare at him. He’s getting angry. Good. “Hotch, why don’t you go get Jordan a water?”

Hotch blinks at you, trying to figure out if you had really just given him an order, “Agent, I am the lead interrogator on this case, I’m not leaving you alone in here--”

“Agent Hotchner,” You turn in your seat to face him, hoping he’ll read your expression, “Please get the young man a water, he’s been in here for hours.”

His eyes search your face for a few moments and then he leaves the room without another word. He won’t be getting Jordan a water. You know he’s watching carefully from the other side of the glass. “Sorry about him.” You say, “He doesn’t understand men like you.”

“Men like me?”

“Men who know how to get what they want.”

His face transforms as he watches you and he leans back in his chair, relaxed, legs spread to assert his dominance. “And you understand that?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man who goes after what he wants… No matter what.”

He leans forward and whispers, “Even when they beg me to stop?”

You swallow past your disgust and, though you hate to admit it, fear, “Did they beg you to stop? Victoria and Erica?”

His smile widens as he watches you, “You remind me so much of them.”

“Can you tell me what you did to them? How you killed them?”

He licks his lips now, you think he’s lost all sense of where he is, falling for the delusion you’ve set in front of him, “You’re just like them, a dirty little slut. You want to be punished, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is the last word you whisper before he practically jumps across the table to grab your throat. Your chair falls backwards and he’s on top of you, crushing your windpipe. How could you forget that he was uncuffed? Hotch rushes in, he yells as he pulls Jordan off you, but you’re not sure what he’s saying. Then he’s cuffed Jordan and taken you out of the room.

“Sit.” Aaron says, ushering you to a chair that you practically fall into. You’re still coughing and you’re shaking a bit as Aaron gives you a water.

“I forgot,” You start, your voice hoarse, but Hotch brings the water cup to your mouth, insisting you drink before talking. You take a couple swallows, “I forgot he wasn’t cuffed.”

He shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“No, I needed you on the other side of the glass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the delusion otherwise. I needed him to forget who I was and just see me as a potential victim.” Aaron wouldn’t meet your eyes, not wanting to admit that you were right, “I’m going back in there.”

“No, you’re not, that’s out of the question.”

“Is that an order, sir?” He scans your face in frustration, “You know it has to be me. He won’t talk to you. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Fine. Ask him about Erica, don’t ask about Victoria.”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t kill Victoria himself, it’ll ruin the fantasy and he might lie to you to try to impress you. The details of the murders weren’t shared with the public, only the unsub would know how each of them died. He needs to reveal how he killed Erica to you and then we’ll have him.”

“Okay.” You stand and hold your hands behind you so he won’t see them shaking, but he’s a profiler. The attempt is mute.

He takes a step closer, “You don’t have to go back in there,” He says softly, “No one will think less of you.”

When he’s this close, looking at you with such concern, it makes you want to melt in his arms. But you had a job to do, “I can do this.”

And before he can make you think about it more, you turn away from him and march back in the interrogation room.

“Sorry about that,” You sit back down at the table and smile at him, “My partner gets a little jealous sometimes.” You lean in and whisper, “He’s usually the only one I let handle me like that.”

Just like that he’s back, “Why don’t you uncuff me so we can continue?”

You bite your lip, “I’d like to hear more about the other girls first.”

***

“Why is she in there by herself?” Rossi came up behind Aaron who was watching the unsub’s every move, ready to jump in again if needed.

“She insisted.” Hotch says simply, “She almost has him.”

Rossi sighs, “She’s stubborn. Like someone else I know.”

Hotch is quiet for a moment, “I can’t be with her, Rossi, it could ruin her career.”

“You can’t know that. And besides, don’t you think that should be her decision to make?”

Hotch doesn’t answer, he just continues watching you.

***

“Does it turn you on hearing what I’ve done to them?”

You’re sitting on your hands now, trying to stifle the growing panic in your head that was telling you to get out. He’s unarmed, he’s cuffed, Aaron is right there. He can’t hurt you. “You have no idea.” It came out breathless from your fear, but he interpreted it as desire.

“First, I knocked her out, tied her to the bed. Then I waited for her to wake up before I began. I stripped her clothes off her at that point and then I fucked her while she cried,” He’s smiling at you and you’re doing all you can to keep your expression neutral. “I took out the knife and started carving her up. You should have heard her beg. And then, when that’s all finished, I strangled her while I came inside her.” He leans over the table to get closer to you, and it takes everything in you not to move away, “Have you ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes, sweetheart?”

You calmly scoot your chair back and stand, buttoning your shirt back up and then resting your hand on your gun, reminding him of who you really are, “Thank you, Jordan. You’ve been incredibly helpful in this investigation.” And then turn to leave ignoring the way he calls after you.

When you exit the room, Aaron and Dave are both waiting for you and you sit down, exhausted, resting your head in your hands.

“Nice work, kid.” Dave says with a squeeze on your shoulder, and then he’s gone.

Then, there’s another touch on your back, more gentle and hesitant. You look up to see Aaron watching you, concern masking his face, “I’m fine, Hotch.” You say, shrugging him off.

His hand drops and you immediately regret it. “When you were taken those months ago, by that unsub…” His words are slow, as if making sure this is what he really wants to say to you. You know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it, “He raped you, didn’t he?” Your eyes snap up to meet his. “You would never tell us what actually happened, all those hours he had you, a sexual sadist.” He shakes his head, “There’s no way he would’ve been able to control himself.”

You shake your head just lightly, “I can’t do this now, Aaron.”

“Then when?” He’s frustrated now, borderline angry, “You lied at your psych eval, you said nothing happened, we let you come back after just a couple of weeks--”

“And I’m doing just fine, aren’t I?” You stand so you’re nearly eye level with him.

“You think I didn’t notice the way you almost fell apart in there?”

“But I didn’t. I finished it and I did a damn good job and you know it.”

Hotch erases all traces of emotion from his face as he stares you down, “You’re suspended for two weeks, effective immediately. Hand over your badge and gun, agent.”

You nearly stumble back from him as if you’ve been hit, “Aaron?”

“What’s going on?” Prentiss has entered the room now followed by the rest of the team, all watching with confused and worried expressions.

“You heard me.” Hotch says, never taking his eyes off you. You make no moves to take out your badge or gun, “Now, agent.” There’s bite to his words this time.

You feel humiliated. With the whole team watching, you place your gun and badge on the table and brush by Aaron without a second glance. Pushing past the team, even Spencer who reaches for you.

“What the hell was that, Hotch?” Derek says once you’ve left.

“She lied in order to pass her psych eval. I did what I had to do.” Everyone’s staring at him, but he walks by, seemingly unphased, “Good work, everyone. Get some rest, we go home tomorrow at first light.”

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (18/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,655

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, being stood up

masterlist

a/n: This is part two of my blog birthday surprise!

Bucky’s face was set in a fierce scowl as he stormed into the new Compound, fighting every urge he had to punch a hole into the wall with his vibranium fist.

Actually, no. He’d use his flesh one. Just to prove he fucking could.

And just because he needed to get out some anger.

Except, he didn’t think it would diminish the fury he felt.

Because yeah, he was fucking pissed. He was pissed at himself, he was pissed at you for listening to him (which just came back to being pissed at himself), and he was pissed at every fucking bad guy that had dared to ever cross his path.

“Bucky? Buck!” Sam called out when he saw him enter. He’d been on a run and his phone had been off, so he had no idea about what had happened. “Buck, man, what’s going on?” He asked as he wiped the sweat from his brow, running after him.

“They got her,” Bucky said, his voice a low growl.

The way that Sam’s heart sank inside of his chest was written across his face. “No. No. Fuck.” He fell into stride with Bucky immediately. “Tell me what happened. Every detail.”

Everything in Bucky’s head was going haywire. All his therapy appointments, everything Dr. Raynor had ever told him disappeared.

Because all that mattered was getting you back, and he didn’t care who the fuck he had to hurt to do it.

So he did his best to lay out everything just as it had happened, though he didn’t go into… full detail about your little attempt to hide in some random van. His protectiveness reared his head at the thought of spilling the details of what you two had done in private.

A gentleman never kisses and tells, after all.

Especially not if he wanted to kiss and kiss again.

And, oh, did he wanna kiss again.

But he wouldn’t get to unless he got you back.

“Okay, first things first, we need to call the whole team in,” Sam said, already calling out to FRIDAY to alert everyone.

“I can’t think. I can’t think. I CAN’T THINK!” Bucky screamed, his face red as his flesh fist hit a glass window that looked out onto the gym. He barely even recognized that it had shattered, or that there were now agents looking at him like he was crazy.

“UNCLE BUCKY!”

Freezing in his tracks, his heart stopped when he saw Morgan running towards him, holding her stuffed Iron Man plush. “H-Hey… Hey, Morgan,” he said as he crouched down, catching the littlest Stark in his arms. “Did you guys all make it home safe?”

The little girl’s hands fisted in his shirt as she held onto him. “Yeah, but mama said all my friends and everyone is gonna stay the night here,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

Bucky knew what that meant. Pepper thought it was too dangerous for them to go home.

“Uncle Bucky, where’s Auntie?” Morgan asked after a moment, pulling back to look at him with those eyes that were just like her father’s.

“She is… She’s…” Bucky broke off, not sure how to tell her. How could he tell her that he’d failed her? He hadn’t kept you safe. “We’re going to get her back, okay? And she’s gonna be safe and sound.”

She nodded, her lower lip wobbling. “C-Can you give this to her when you find her?” She asked, her voice barely audible as she held out the Iron Man plush. “S-She didn’t have it with her when she went missing…”

“You know what, Mo? You’re so very right,” he said as he squeezed her close. Kissing her forehead, he fought back a wave of tears. “And I bet she’d really appreciate soft pillows in her room and maybe some homemade cookies when she gets back. Do you think you and your friends would be willing to make some cookies?”

The little girl needed something to focus on for the time being, and it was the least he could do. If she didn’t have something… Well. He really didn’t think she’d be able to handle losing you so soon after losing both Natasha and her father.

Though he didn’t think any of them would survive it if you were hurt beyond repair.

As soon as she was gone, the pissed off look came back over his face.

“Bucky?” Wanda breathed out as she entered, holding Vision’s hand. “What happened?”

“She was taken from the Coney Island aquarium,” Sam said, already having booted up all the tech that could possibly help them find you.

The witch looked horrified, her eyes focused on the super soldier. Like she was reading his mind, seeing the memories and what he’d gone through just earlier that day. Felt the anguish that he’d felt when he’d realized she wasn’t at their meeting spot. “Well… Guess that means we’re just gonna have to get her back.”

The doors suddenly opened, and everyone turned to see Steve Rogers storming in, Peggy following close behind.

“Where the hell is she?” The elderly man demanded, looking livid.

“We came as soon as Pepper called,” Peggy said, unable to keep up with the aging super soldier.

A frown covered Sam’s face as he glanced at Bucky. “Did you know Pepper called them?”

He shook his head, his fists clenching. He didn’t know where this was going, but he didn’t like it. At all.

Sure enough, Steve was still barreling straight for him. “What the fuck did you do?!” He shouted as he shoved at his former best friend. “Huh?! Where is she?! How the fuck could you lose her?!”

That… That shame, that self-loathing, was rising higher and higher in Bucky’s chest. Even as Steve was shoving and spitting at him in his anger—still incredibly strong even for his age—he didn’t fight back.

Because he was right. He’d lost you. It was his fault.

“HEY! HEY!” Sam shouted as he got between them and pushed back at Steve, making him stumble back away from him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! How fucking dare you. You don’t get to fucking yell at him like that.” He was staring him down, unwavering.

And Bucky had realized it before, but it was hitting him all over again just how much he loved Sam, and just how much Sam loved him. They might not say it much, but they were best friends.

Sam believed in him, trusted him, even when Bucky couldn’t trust himself.

Even when Bucky was possibly at fault for losing you.

Steve looked shocked, blue eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Peggy had gone silent beside him.

“You don’t get to say shit when she almost died because of you. How many times did you send her out on her own when we were on the run without telling anyone else?” Sam bit out, half turned towards Steve and half turned towards Bucky. “Did you ever tell him about the other times? After we dropped Bucky off in Wakanda so he could get Hydra’s programming out of his head?”

Tensing up, Bucky’s eyes flickered between the two. “What do you mean? What other times?” He took a step towards Steve. “It was just the grocery run time, right? And you… you told me it wouldn’t happen again. You just weren’t thinking.”

Everyone except for Sam was looking at Steve in alarm, in horror. They knew that he’d neglected you for his Captain America duties, but sending you into dangerous situations on your own more than once?

“You said you wouldn’t say anything,” Steve said, his tone even as he glanced down at the ground and then back up.

“No, I told her that I wouldn’t say anything because she begged Natasha and me not to. Because she loved you enough to wanna protect you, to hide the shitty way you treated her. Because she knew how your friendship with Bucky would suffer if he knew what you did,” Sam shot back. “But you know what? You don’t deserve protecting anymore.” Running his hands over his head, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His deep, earthy brown eyes were glassy as he stared at the man that he’d followed into the line of fire, the man that he’d become a criminal for. “And just because we’ve forgiven you for abandoning us, for abandoning her, doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten. You better check yourself before you ever come at any one of us again like that again.”

Bucky knew how much Sam considered you a part of his family, having taken you to visit his own family in New Orleans. And Steve should’ve remembered that Sam defended the people he loved tooth and nail.

Sometimes he just forgot that he was included on that list.

He pulled the man away from the group of people and into a random tech room, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said, voice trembling. “I… Thank you. For defending me.”

“Hey, man,” Sam said quietly as he seemed to peer right into his soul. “I know we had a rough start, but you’re my best friend. And shit, you’ve done the same for me before…” He eyed him for a moment, leaning back against a desk. “We’re gonna find her, you know. There’s nowhere we won’t look, no stone that won’t get unturned.”

Bucky sniffed as he suddenly felt a wave of despair come over him. “What if we never do? What if… What if I’ve lost her forever?” The centurion let out a broken sob as he fell to his knees, the pain taking over his body. “Oh, God… Oh, God… S-Sammy, I can’t lose her again. I can’t do it, I won’t survive.”

The handsome man immediately crouched in front of him, grabbing his face. “Hey! Hey!” He said sternly, getting him to look into his eyes. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep blaming yourself, and yeah, I know that’s all that’s been going through your head because you always blame yourself.” Sam took in a deep breath, intentionally sucking Bucky into their usual panic exercise where they worked to match their breathing. “So, what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna take a few minutes to calm down, okay? And then, once we’ve gathered ourselves, we’re gonna figure out where our girl is and we’re gonna kick any asses that even try to get in the way of us bringing her home.”

“Tonight was… Tonight was fun,” you said softly as you stepped into the cold, dark lobby of the Avengers Tower. The flower stall was shut down, as well as the coffee shop. The night guard stationed to your right gave a small nod of acknowledgement as you two headed for the elevator.

It was late. Really late.

But it had been a really good eleventh date, and you hadn’t wanted to go home, and neither had Steve, and so you two had gone from dinner and a movie to a late night stroll through Central Park. For your first date in public, it had gone… really well.

Of course, you could’ve done without the constantly being stopped by random people so they could get a selfie or an autograph from Captain America.

That was the price you paid, though. And considering how well the date went, you supposed you couldn't complain.

Though, you didn’t blame them. Steve was… beautiful. More than beautiful.

Sometimes you could ignore the aching in your heart that you felt for someone else when you were looking into his eyes.

“It was,” Steve chuckled as his right hand touched yours where it rested on the inside of his left elbow. He hit the top floor that the main elevator would take you to, the one that only the team had clearance to get to without getting special permission.

The elevator music filled the silence as you tentatively leaned your head against his shoulder.

“Maybe we could… have a drink?” He suggested faintly in your ear, taking in the scent of your shampoo.

Playfully gasping, your free hand moved to rest on his broad chest as you looked at him. “Mr. Rogers, are you attempting to give a nineteen-year-old alcohol?” You asked like a properly scandalized southern belle.

Steve groaned dramatically, leaning his head against yours in a show of affection you hadn’t exactly been expecting. “Doll, are you teasing me?” He asked, sounding a little breathless. “Because I just… still don’t want this date to end…”

You two had come a very, very long way from yelling and insulting each other on that fateful mission just a few weeks ago.

It amazed you just how many dates you’d been on in a little under a month. But Steve had asked you to go on a date when you’d gotten back to the Tower from your mission, and then proceeded to have that date thirty minutes later in the form of turning on a movie and laying out a picnic blanket with a bunch of pillows and food.

It had been sweet, especially when he’d propped you up against the pillows and carefully massaged your hurt ankle, going from your yellow painted toes up to your calf. His strong hands worked your muscles, undoing knots you didn’t even know you had. You two had fallen asleep there together, and you’d woken up together, his arms around you and your head on his chest.

And he’d asked you to go on another date with him, which had happened two days later.

It had been a series of dates happening every other night if not every night sometimes, a whirlwind courtship.

And you wouldn’t change it for the world.

Well. Actually…

No. You weren’t in the Red Room anymore, and the Soldat had never truly been yours.

The Soldat most likely just felt sorry for you, another little girl in a line of little girls trying their best to not be executed before they turned eighteen.

You were here now, at the Avengers Tower, with Steve Rogers nosing at your hair and holding you close enough that you could smell his aftershave.

And he wanted to have a drink with you.

This was someone you could have, someone you could love. Hell, you’d be lying if you tried to say you weren’t already falling for him. But not only were you falling for him, but he could fall for you and truly be with you.

Something you’d never gotten with the Soldat.

Granted, part of that was probably (definitely) your age. But your point still stood strong.

The strong, calloused hand on your hip tightened as you nodded, turning your head to press your nose against his cheek. “I’d really like that… A drink… and for this date to not end…” Your hand on his chest drifted down just a little, teasing his abdomen. “Maybe we could put on a movie… or some of those jazz albums you have…”

The chuckle that tickled your ear was dark and breathy, and you felt a kiss against your temples. “That sounds perfect.”

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he whisked you towards the second elevator that took you up to the third floor up. Thankfully, no one on the team was around to see you two rushing through the common area. Your heels clicked against the tiled floors as he led you to the end, where his door awaited the two of you.

You’d been to his room before, though sometimes you forgot just how big it was.

Definitely bigger than yours.

“How come your room is so much bigger than mine?” You whined as he let go of you to throw a record on his little turntable before sauntering over to the mini bar he kept. “And you can’t even get drunk on normal liquor.”

“I mean… I usually just have Asgardian mead stocked up…,” he admitted sheepishly as he reached into the mini fridge to grab a bottle of mead and a bottle of vodka. “But I… I got some stuff for if you… if you ever stayed over… or just… hung out here.”

It’s sweet. Really sweet.

“Thank you,” you said softly as you sat on the bed, running your hands over the soft comforter. “I’ve never drank before… So you’ll have to make something you think I’ll like. Because I… I have no idea what… drinks…” You were rambling. And you were extremely aware that you were rambling.

And you were pretty sure that he was aware that you were rambling based on the smile that was spreading across his face.

He came back over with a lowball glass, holding it out as he kneeled in front of you. “Here we go… Vodka with cranberry juice and a little bit of Red Bull. I know it sounds weird, but it actually tastes pretty solid.” Steve carefully slipped off both of your heels as you took the drink and sipped it, watching your expression closely. “What do you think?”

“Delicious.” You couldn’t help but giggle, feeling a little like Cinderella. “Thank you…”

There was a heat in his eyes that you’d glimpsed before in passing, but now… The way he was looking at you made you feel hot and a little sweaty. “Doll…”

“Steve,” you breathed out, heart pounding. Soft jazz was floating through the air as he tentatively took the drink from your hands and set it to the side. “Please…”

The super soldier slowly pressed his lips to yours, guiding you onto the bed. “Is… Is this okay?” He asked, cupping your face before kissing you again.

“I… I’ve never… you know,” you said, letting out a weak laugh. You hadn’t wanted to admit you were a virgin, but well…

Baby blues softened as he sat up, pulling you with him so you were sitting chest to chest. “Do you want to? I’ll be gentle… I’ll make it good for you.”

“I do… and I know.” You couldn’t help but smile as you leaned in and kissed him, falling back onto the sheets.

An hour and a half later, you curled up against him, perfectly sated and ready to fall asleep right then.

“How do you feel?” Steve’s fingers ran soothingly up and down your spine, sending tickles along your skin.

“Sore… But in a good way.”

There was a permanent grin etched on his lips as he stole another sweet kiss, holding you close. “I meant to ask you this before we got back here… but I got nervous…” You could feel his heart rate increasing under your cheek. “I… Would you… Would you wanna be my girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” you said with a laugh on your lips as you rolled over to lie on top of his chest, smiling against his lips. “Yeah, I’d love that…”

You stared up at the woman in front of you, your heart sinking. “Madame B… I… I thought you…”

“What? You thought I died?” She asked with a laugh, shaking her head. Stepping further into the cell, she took a moment to look you over, to really take you in. “You’ve gotten fat, malen’kaya.”

“Don’t call me that.”

A familiar smirk painted her face. “You’ve gotten braver since you’ve been gone… How long has it been again? A decade or so?” Madame B moved to crouch down in front of you, grabbing your chin roughly in her hand and squeezing. “I got to see you on the news… Fucking Captain America, huh? Thought you had that locked down… Though, I’m not sure how your precious Soldat feels about it…” The demon picked up immediately on the way your body tensed, and you scooted back until you were pressed against the cool concrete of the wall. “You think we didn’t know? We’ve had eyes on you ever since you… escaped. Natalia, too. You were never too far out of our grasp…” Her thin, bony fingers ran down your cheek, before sharply slapping you. “Are you really so stupid that you thought you could escape us? I raised you better than that.”

A wave of indignation rolled over you, and you straightened yourself up. “You didn’t raise me. If anyone raised me, Natalia did. You’re… You’re a…” Everything you had suppressed while you were in the Red Room was coming back, building like a tsunami. Unable to find the words, you spit in her face, your chest heaving as you watched the way she flinched back in disgust.

Madame B suddenly slammed your head back against the concrete wall, causing stars to bloom in your vision. You could barely focus as she reached into her pocket and flicked open a knife. One of the ones you used to practice with in the Red Room. “You’re going to regret that,” she hissed, her hand wrapping around your throat and squeezing hard. Your hands clawed at her, trying to get her off of you, but it was like you had no strength at all, still weakened by whatever they’d injected into your neck. “I can’t kill you… We’ve gotta wait until your Soldat comes to rescue you for that… But that doesn’t mean I can’t make you cry a little.”

Your voice went out as she brought the knife to your face and slowly ran it along your cheek, slicing open your soft skin. The white hot pain felt like it would overpower you.

But all you could think about was the fact that Bucky would be coming to rescue you at some point or another, and he’d be walking right into a trap. They’d drag him right back to that chair they used to torture him, to wipe his identity away. They’d turn him back into the weapon he’d worked so hard to not be anymore.

And for the first time, all you could hope for was that he never found you.

[skellebonez]

Could you do number 46. They have amnesia? With Monkie King and MK If you’re still doing the request/prompts

You didn't say who had to have amnesia, anon. Spoilers for episodes up to S2E6 inside.

They have amnesia?

"How is this even possible?" MK asked softly, not wanting to be heard but knowing that Wukong’s superior hearing would pick up most of what he was saying. Though given how distracted he was...

"It shouldn't be!" Tang exclaimed equally as quiet, watching his hero with a mix of curiosity and dismay. "He's the Monkey King, nothing should be able to hurt him like this."

"Maybe he wasn't hurt," Mei offered, watching Wukong herself as Pigsy held up another photograph and only recieved a confused look in response. "Maybe it's magic. He can be affected by magic that isn't directly hurting him, right? Even if it takes something big to hurt him physically a spell or curse could still something."

"That is a possibility..." Tang muttered under his breathe. He ran his hand through his hair, sighing as Pigsy seemed to exhaust photographs and illustrations to show the Monkey King. Sandy stood beside them both, Mo curled up in Wukong’s arms instead of his usual place on the big guy's shoulder, and said something in hushed tones that made the Monkey King's ears pull back. "There are no shortages of either that could cause memory loss, hopefully for us temporarily so. And he didn't seem injured in any way when we found him outside the shop... though he shouldn't even be here, he was on vacation! Wouldn't he have told you he was coming back?"

"Maybe..." MK started slowly, watching as Pigsy held up a group of photos and Wukong pointed to one of them excitedly. "But he's been acting... weird since he left anyway. Like he was distracted. I kinda just tried not to worry about it but..." He trailed off, jumping as a loud snap was heard and then wishing he had the staff out in his hands to wrap them around it instead of the mop he just snapped in two. "... crap..."

"You're worried," Mei said softly, laying her hand on her best friend's shoulder. "I am too, even though I may not know the Monkey King that well. But once we find out exactly how much he remembers we can find a way to help him."

"Yeah, about that," Pigsy's voice broke through their conversation as he made his way over. The chef looked perturbed. "So we went through all your pictures MK. He remembers going on the journey, though the details of it are lost, and he knows Mount Huaguo like the back of his hand. But he doesn't remember like 99% of the journey, can't remember any of his monkeys, can't remember us, can't even remember that he's the Monkey King or what that title means." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his snout for a second before continuing. "What he does remember clearly is that he lives alone on an island and that it's the modern day, he went on some big journey he barely recalls... and that he knows MK and that MK is important."

"What?" MK looked away from where he had glanced over to Wukong, staring at Pigsy in disbelief. "Wait, you're telling me I'm the only person he remembers!?"

"Barely!" Pigsy elaborated with another sigh. "Kid, whatever happened to him really messed up his memories. He knows your name and face and that you're important. He kind of remembers training you. But that is it. He doesn't recognize anyone else. And I don't know him that good, but he doesn't seem to be acting like his normal self either."

This was bad. There was no other way to put it. And they needed to figure something out fast.

"MK?" Wukong said suddenly, having wandered up to the group. He still had Mo in his arms, the cat looking up at him in concern. "Is everything alright, Bud?"

It most certainly was not.

~

"This is my house?" Wukong asked softly, one of the first things he had said since MK and he had arrived back on Mount Huaguo. Getting him home was easy enough, one of the few things he remembered was where he lived after all, but he seemed confused regardless. Perhaps he didn't remember the mountain as much as Pigsy thought he did. "It's... cozy!" He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "When your boss told me I was a king I kind of worried that... well, I don't know why, I was just worried for some reason. Weird."

Weird didn't even begin to cover it.

Pigsy wasn't lying when he said that Wukong hadn't been acting like his normal self. Instead of the loud and boisterous and kind of, admittedly, self important Monkey King MK expected, Wukong was oddly subdued. Maybe it was the amnesia making him weary, but he was acting so much like he had for just the shortest moments at the Lunar New Year festival (both before the fireworks had cheered him up and after the fight with the Spider Queen) that MK was starting to wonder...

"I really do live alone except for my monkeys, huh?" Wukong said softly, one of the aforementioned monkeys looking at him in their own concern.

When he saw them face to face he seemed to recall at least a bit. That he cared for them in some capacity both as an actual caregiver and as "I guess a King is right" as Wukong put it. But while he knew each one on the island by name before he couldn't recall a single one now. But MK remembered that the little one that followed them inside was called Yue, partly because he had been the one to help name her.

Knowing that Wukong likely didn't remember that day, let alone how important it had been to him to include his student in this endeavor, made MK's chest hurt.

"Yeah, it's, uh... yeah," MK attempted to confirm, coming off as awkward as he felt internally. Everything about this was awkward. But MK could not, and would not, leave his mentor while he could only barely recall how to navigate his own home island. "So... we didn't exactly get that much to eat at Pigsy's... you hungry?"

~

The two ate in moderate silence. MK didn't want to force Wukong to feel awkward by asking him about topics he couldn't remember (the last few confused and then apologetic smiles made him feel too bad to try again). He managed to find something, at least, however small it was.

Wukong seemed to remember little bits and pieces about himself. Not everything, obviously, but he remembered some important things. He knew he was immortal and invincible. He knew that he was very very old. He knew he was technically not a regular demon monkey but a stone monkey born out of a... well, a stone. And he remembered his dietary preferences.

This last one was news to MK, who had never actually seen him eat more than peaches and peach chips and food made from his own hair (which was not something he was looking forward to trying again). But it made fashioning something for them to eat easier. Something simple, rice for both of them with fresh peaches (he had so many of these things in his fridge and MK did not know how they lasted without spoiling, but he did not ask) for his mentor and rice with some tofu and green onions for MK (simple, but with seasoning and sauce that for some reason had his own initials on it tasty, he had to remember to ask about that... after).

It was... kind of nice, the situation aside.

"... am I your... absentee dad?"

And there that went right out the window and right into the volcanic inferno of the flaming mountains!

MK nearly choked on his rice, barely managing to chug a glass of water before managing out a "HWUH?" in his mentor's direction.

"I-I'm sorry!" Wukong stuttered out, the uncertainty in his voice sounding wrong. "I just... I thought... there's stuff in here with your name on it but there isn't a place for you to stay, the second room is just storage, so I thought..." He trailed off, biting his lip before sighing. "You told me you were my student. But that... it's doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel wrong but it feels... sorry."

Taking a moment to breathe in deeply, MK steeled himself.

"No, don't apologize," he started, setting his bowl to the side and staying quiet for a moment. "No, you're not... my dad. But I noticed those things too. I've never really been inside your house all that much, only a couple times before you left and only twice since. You don't..." He paused, trying to find the right words to express himself. "I guess I'm just realizing there's a lot of things you don't tell me."

"... it'd be kind of awkward if I just ruined some kind of big thing I was gonna tell you when I got back," Wukong said through another bite of a peach.

"Yeah, I doubt you were gonna tell me you'e adopting me," MK laughed out awkwardly... but that awkwardness lingered long after the conversation moved on to how much of the stuff in the house he remembered.

~

MK woke up in a sleeping bag in a room that didn't belong to him. He was confused at first, sitting up quickly and looking around before realizing that he was just in Wukong's house. On the floor of Wukong's bedroom, actually. The Monkey King had insisted that he could not sleep on the couch, comfortable as it looked, and they looked around in his storage room for any alternative until they found this.

It was comfortable enough. But not so comfortable he slept through what had woken him.

It sounded like crying.

Not loud, not enough to wake most people. But MK was already highly stressed from the situation and had developed much better hearing since obtaining the Monkey King Powers (how he had thought he needed to learn super hearing that one time he did not know now that he thought about it). So he picked up on the soft sniffs and whimpers and shakey breathes and now he would not be going back to sleep until he figured out what was up.

"Monkey King? You sure there isn-" MK froze as he turned to his mentor's bed, only to find it empty.

Well. Shit...

That probably answered that question.

MK wasted no time in jumping to his feet rushing out of the room and toward the crying before freezing in the door way to he living room.

Monkey King was sitting on the floor, TV on and VR set still strapped to his head.

"Oh... no..." MK muttered softly, making his way inside to stand behind Wukong. "Hey... Monkey King? What are you doing?"

Wukong flinched, he'd never seen him do that before, and gripped his controller tighter. He heard it creak worryingly under his grip.

"I... I saw this game earlier," he started slowly, and MK didn't need him to explain which one it was. The case, familiar to him now, was sitting in plain sight on the floor before them. "I dunno, it just... it felt important. And I couldn't sleep so I decided to go through some more of my stuff and... and..." He took in a shakey breathe, putting the controller down and taking the VR headset off. "I... it was weird looking at myself. Listening to myself tell me what do to. But it felt familar. So I kept playing and..."

MK put a hand on his mentor's shoulder and looked at the screen. He'd made it to the in game store, the temple. There Tripitaka, Tang Sanzang, resided to give the player passive abilities. "How long have you been playing?"

"An hour maybe?" Wukong offered, wiping the tears from his face. "I made it to Zhu Ganglie but I. I couldn't. I didn't want to... MK, I feel like I should remember these people. I can't look at them without feeling... sad. Guilty? I can't help but feel like I did something wrong to them?"

And MK's chest hurt once again, knowing that somewhere deep down in Wukong he hadn't completely forgotten his companions from his journey centuries ago. He should have pieced it together when he played. The art, the dialogue, the placement of the monk... he'd never seen the game on store shelves before either, never even heard of it.

But Sun Wukong had played this game for 10,000 hours.

"They're, uh... They're the people who were on your journey with you," MK started as he sat on the floor by his mentor. "You haven't gotten to Sha Wujing, but he's there too. So was Bai Long Ma. I could... tell you about them? I don't know all the stories by heart like Tang does, but I can try."

"You don't have to do that," Wukong said much more assuredly and firm than before. "If I did something that made me feel like this that should be my own burden to bear, not yours."

"Yeah... but I want to help you anyway."

The two sat in silence for a moment before Wukong stood and made his way into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a small bowl of peaches and a wrapped pack of pears (once again with MK's initials on it). He sat on the couch, gesturing for his student to join him before he spoke.

"I appreciate the offer, I do... but I'll be able to learn that on my own before my memories return," Wukong said, biting into one of his peaches with a sad smile. "You said Tang, the guy from the noodle shop, knows them. I can ask him tomorrow... well, later today. But as I said before, that isn't your burden to bear. And I don't want to put that on you. And even though I remember you the most out of everything it feels like I don't know you as much as I should. So, if neither of us is going to sleep again any time soon... tell me about MK?"

"... When I moved into the apartment above Pigsy’s I took on MK as a nickname."

Wukong looked up in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened and he put all his focus on his student with a soft smile. "OK..."

The two talked for only roughly another hour, Sun Wukong listening to MK tell him anything he felt comfortable telling him. When he woke up he was back in the sleeping bag, the soft snores of the Monkey King resounding above him.

As he laid awake, the small monkey Yue having made her way inside to sleep on his chest making a good excuse to not get up, he wanted to mull over everything he had learned. He'd learned more about his mentor in the 6 waking hours they spent together in his home than he had his entire apprenticeship, and the same went the other way.

MK wondered just why Sun Wukong hid all this from him so far. For so long. And he knew now he couldn't have possibly been on vacation. Not when it resulted in this. The Monkey King had been hiding so much from him and it clearly wasn't limited to what he was doing behind his back.

But right now Sun Wukong trusted MK, him coming back with him to Mount Huaguo was evidence enough of that. And MK trusted him as he was now... but didn't know how much of Sun Wukong from the past to trust anymore. He needed to get his mentor's memories back. And he needed to get answers.

Sun Wukong slept on, oblivious to the conflict in his student's head.

[zhanyes]

19 days pandemic version / living together headcannons

I just want to imagine the boys living together because let’s be honest it’s going to be so chaotic but they deserve each other’s company

P.s. I know nothing about how China dealt with the pandemic so this is purely self-indulgent

- When the lockdown happened they were all at He Tian’s for a sleepover so they were forced to stay there for a few weeks until everything settled

- Mo guanshan kicked up a fuss over it but was actually just worried about his mom being left alone at home

Mo guanshan, already taking note of what to put in the pantry: “THE FUCK YOU MEAN WE’RE STAYING HERE?! NO!”

- Zheng xi is surprisingly okay with staying at He Tian’s for the time being, Jian yi says it’s because He tian has a ps5 (He’s not wrong)

-Mo Guanshan lost all respect for Zhengxi when he said “It could be fun.”

- Both Zhengxi and Guanshan’s parents agreed that they should stay for a bit just to be safe

- Jian yi is a panic buyer and with He Tian’s money they bought enough food to feed an army

- He forgot to buy necessities and Guanshan wacked his ass

Mo guanshan looking at the 9 full plastic bags of groceries: “You’re telling me OUT OF ALL OF THIS, you didn’t buy a single toothbrush?”

Jian yi, a dumbass: “I didn’t know we were having toothbrush for dinner?”

Mo guanshan brandishing a knife out of thin air: “Come ‘ere I’ll show you what's for dinner.”

- He tian is a menace in the grocery store, he’s bought about 4 pots, 2 pans, a new dish set AND knives set, 6 new mugs of different colors (Yellow for jian yi, blue for zhengxi, red for guanshan and black for him; the other two just looked nice) and a dozen of scented candles

Zheng xi, trying to keep Guanshan from committing murder in a grocery: “Why did you do this?”

He tian: “They were in sale! Buy one-take-one!”

Mo guanshan: “WHY WOULD YOU BUY 4 POTS OF THE SAME SIZE?!”

- They make it out of the store and Guanshan vows to never let jian yi and he tian do groceries

- Guanshan mostly cooks for everyone and Zhengxi helps out but jian yi is surprisingly a decent cook???

- He needs to be supervised tho because his attention span is limited to 5 seconds and he’ll forget he was boiling water

- He tian canonically can not cook. He is BANNED from the kitchen after he put sake in a pan thinking it was water

- He tian has 2 guestrooms in his apartment but he locks the other one and assigned Zhan Zhengxi and Jian yi to the other room

- Mo guanshan forces his way into Zhanyi’s room and He tian follows. That’s how all of them ended up sleeping in a single guestroom on the floor with mattresses stacked and pushed together

- Zhengxi introduces them to anime and Jian yi’s favorite genre is surprisingly action with a lot of fighting scenes and Mo guanshan (and He tian) likes slice-of-life

- He tian and Jian yi strays away from animes and movies related to the mafia and Zhengxi and Guanshan never asks, it’s an unspoken rule that those types of stuff are banned

- They have game nights because Jian yi thinks bonding is key to make their friendship last longer (and to avoid having anyone murdered)

- Every board game turns into a disaster. There’s no exception.

The boys playing monopoly:

Jian yi: “THAT WAS MINE YOU DICK! I WAS SAVING UP MONEY TO BUY IT!”

He tian: “Have you tried not being poor? No? Well that’s too bad.”

Zhengxi, is safe in jail and has the most land: “Lmao losers.”

The boys playing uno:

Mo guanshan: “Don’t do it…”

He Tian: “I’m sorry Mo this is the only way”

Mo guanshan: “No please you can find another way…”

He tian: “Goodbye, my love *puts a plus 4 down* Uno.”

Mo guanshan: *unintelligible noises of a loser* 

Playing scrabble:

Jian yi: “The fuck you mean gorjeus isn’t a word? That’s what I am.”

He tian: “You’re right, that's what you are. An absolute idiot.”

Chess:

Mo Guanshan to He tian: “You might be smart and winning but I have the power of violence and nothing is stopping me from flipping this table over.”

Word guessing game:

Jian yi: “It’s loud, annoying, depended and cries a lot.”

Zhengxi, guessing the word baby: “Is this you?”

Jian yi: “I- okay yeah that’s valid.”

- Zhengxi is very observant, he knows Jian yi well enough to know when he’s having anxieties about the pandemic, he knows when Guanshan needs some time alone, and when He tian is getting too lost in negative thoughts. He does what he can to help

- His bonding moments with Guanshan consists of listening to pop music and staying quiet

- The apartment is almost always alive and noisy, whether it’s Jian yi suggesting another game or Guanshan screaming about something, He tian takes joy in the fact that he’s with people he cares about

- He’s thankful for the noise after living in silence all alone for a long time. Jian yi knows the feeling of going home to an empty apartment and vows to visit more often with Zhengxi once this is all over (and drag Guanshan along assuming he’s not here already)

- Over time He tian smiles and laughs become a lot more genuine. Once, He tian laughed loudly at something Mo guanshan did and the only thing he can think of is, “Oh shit, happiness looks good on him.”

- Queue gay panic to Jian yi

Mo guanshan: “WHAT IS THIS?!”

Jian yi, remembering He tian doing the same thing yesterday: “Natural selection.”

- Jian yi loves all of them, really, but sometimes he feels claustrophobic from being kept inside for so long

- Zhan Zhengxi always notices, and he would sneak Jian yi up to the rooftop and they would stay there for a while so they can look at the stars, the city lights and Jian yi can breathe easier

- During those times, He tian relishes the alone time he gets with Guanshan, sometimes they talk and banter, but sometimes they just stay quiet and secretly enjoy each other’s presence (they steal glances at each other when they think the other isn’t looking)

- They grew so used to living with each other that they developed a shower schedule and Zhengxi wakes up the same time as Guanshan to help prepare breakfast

- He tian and Jian yi tends to wake up a little later and Jian yi gravitates closer for warmth so they end up cuddling until they’re forced to get up and eat

- Zhengxi takes a picture of them and sends it to their group chat

- He tian has hundreds of pictures of him and Mo, just Mo, the group, Zhengxi and Jian yi, and a lot more stolen shots that he keeps in a separate album in his phone

- He prints out his favorites, hangs them around the bedroom and frames some of them to put it in the living room. None of the other boys have the heart to take them down after seeing how happy He tian looks every time he sees the pictures

- Jian yi asks He tian to share the pictures to him too, he doesn’t print it out but he uses one of the pictures of all of them together as his lockscreen (his wallpaper is a stolen picture of him and Zhengxi He tian took when they were stargazing on the rooftop)

- When everything settles down enough for them to go home, they’re actually reluctant to go

- Still, Mo Guanshan and Zhengxi go home to their families. Jian yi stays with He tian since he knew his mom wasn’t at home anyway, at least this way they’ll both have company

- Guanshan claims (loudly) that he’s glad to get away from them but still video calls with them everyday anyway

Mo Guanshan, in the videocall for the nth time: “I’m SO GLAD. Those were the WORST weeks of my life.”

The others, hearing the same lie for the nth time: “Mhm. Whatever you say, Mo.”

- They have discord sleepovers because they all miss sleeping in the same room with each other (they never mention it but everyone knows)

- Mo Guanshan cooks meals for more than him and his mom and have it delivered to He tian’s and Zhan Zhengxi’s. When asked he claims it’s just leftovers

- Zhan Zhengxi’s body clock is fucked, he grew too used to waking up early so he just went with it and helps his mom prepare breakfast

- They all silently agree that they wouldn’t mind living with each other again in the future (again none of them ever mentions it but everyone is aware)

[its-captain-sir]

BATTALION BREAKDOWN

Alright y'all, here it is, my breakdown of what I think a GAR battalion SHOULD look like. Full disclaimer before we get into it: I tried to research this stuff on wookiepedia as best I could but 1. there wasn't a ton of information out there on some of the things I had questions about and 2. some of it just makes No Sense when you put it together, so a lot of these numbers were made up by me and what I thought made sense based on what we see in the show and just simple logic. Feel free to accept/ignore parts as you please! Also, I'm gonna try to explain the rationale behind certain things as I go along but if you have any questions about this, you can send an ask/reply/reblog this post with your question and I'll do my best to answer it :)

Now that all that's out of the way, here's all the actual info beneath the cut.

Basic Organization

Essentially, the GAR breaks down into four tiers at this level: battalions, companies, platoons, and squads.

Battalions are the largest groups with 576* members and are all numbered, such as the 501st, 212th, 104th, etc. The only exceptions to the numbering convention are the Rancor Battalion that guards Kamino and the Coruscant Guard. Personally I believe that both of these should be double, if not triple, the size of a regular battalion, which could potentially explain the difference in names. Battalions are led by a clone commander and Jedi general + a padawan commander if the Jedi has one. 4 companies make a battalion.

Companies consist of 144 members and are all named. Using the 501st for example, this would be Torrent, Tide, Wave, and Typhoon. Note: Torrent, Tide, and Wave are canon/widely accepted fanon, but Typhoon is something me and my friends came up with. You're welcome to use the name as the fourth 501st company in your wips if you want! The names don't have to be related, but my guess would be that they often are. Companies are led by a captain.** 4 platoons make a company.

Platoons consist of 36 members and are simply referred to as the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th platoon under their company. Platoons are led by a Lieutenant. 4 squads make a platoon.

Squads consist of 9 members and are named. I don't have names for any 501st squads unfortunately, which is why those spaces are left blank in the picture. As a content creator, you'd have a LOT of freedom when it comes to these because there's so many within a battalion and it seems like they can be named just about anything. Squads are led by a sergeant.

*Numbers for this and subsequent numbers in this section were taken directly from wookiepedia

**One problem people tend to have with this is that Rex is a captain, and yet he seems to be in command of all of the 501st. I think most people have figured this out already but the clone wars writers really just threw names around willy-nilly when it came to all the military stuff. Rex should by all intents and purposes be a commander, and my personal in-universe explanation for this is that while he was skilled enough to go through ARC/command track training, he wasn't originally meant to be a commander and his CT number is what barred him from the title initially. Keeli would be another example of this.

A few comparisons just to illustrate it a bit better:

1 battalion = 4 companies = 16 platoons = 64 squads = 576 members

1 company = 4 platoons = 16 squads = 144 members

1 platoon = 4 squads = 36 members

1 squad = 9 members

Please note that these numbers do not include the officers. There would be 64 sergeants, 16 lieutenants, 4 captains, and a commander added to this number to make a total of 661 clones in any given battalion.

Now I could have just stopped here but I have a tendency to want to get way too specific in my wips so I went a little further:

Internal Battalion Assignments

To make the numbers a bit easier, this just looks at what would be found in one company, you can do the extra math if you want to know the full battalion numbers.

I tried my best to remember what kind of specialized troops showed up in the show since wookiepedia wasn't much help, and I ended up breaking these assignments down into medics, heavy gunners, ARF and tank operators, scouts, tech specialists, and standard infantry.

Medics total 16* within a company, one for each squad. Within the medical corps, they're further broken down into junior medical officers (JMO), medical officers (MO), senior medical officers (SMO), and the chief medical officer of the battalion (CMO). Any internal promotions would probably come from the CMO, maybe a SMO on occasion. When pertaining to medical issues, they do often outrank any other officer, but in combat, JMOs and MOs only hold the rank of private (underneath sergeant) and SMOs and the CMO hold the rank of major (between sergeant and lieutenant).

Heavy gunners total 16 within a company, again one for each squad. These are the clones who have been trained to use the Z-6 rotary blaster, like Hardcase and Hevy.

ARFs and other tank operators total one platoons-worth spread throughout a company, or 36 members. ARF troopers are the ones who drive the AT-RTs (the really bouncy walkers you can see used on Ryloth and Umbara) and other tank operators encompass, well, the operators of all the other ground vehicles we see used. The ratio of each of these seems like it could be fluid based on the needs of the battalion and their mission, so I didn't go too much further into this.

Scouts total two squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 16 members. To me it makes sense that one of the lieutenants within their company would specifically deal with their recon reports, simply because it's more organized and practical.

Tech specialists total one squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 9 members. Honestly this is where I grouped anything else left over, like the bomb squad members we see in the blue shadow virus episode, any slicers, etc.

Standard infantry totals the remaining 49 members in a battalion. They're strictly the fighting force on the ground. This doesn't mean that they're the only ones who do the actual fighting, just that they aren't specifically trained for any other specialization.

*These numbers and the subsequent numbers in this section were not taken from any canon source. They were calculated simply by what I thought would make sense to have.

LAAT/is and Starfighters

Again, I tend to be way too specific in my wips so not only did I go through all of the ground fighting force, but I started figuring out the some of the space forces attached to a battalion as well. This doesn't go into a ton about the Republic Navy because frankly, as soon as I read "7400 crew members on a star destroyer" I exited out of that tab cause that's a little Too Much to try to figure out, but I will cover how I think the gunships and fighter squadrons should work.

LAAT/is (gunships) total 48 per battalion, or 12 per company. However, two per company are usually held in reserve to make sure there's always something available for easy transport to/from the ground. This brings down the number to 40 per battalion, or 10 per company. Gunships take two people to man, so the total number of those pilots for a battalion is 96, or 24 for a company. There's also room for two gunners, which would bring the battalion total to 192, but from what I remember in the show the side guns rarely have someone in them, so I don't think the full 96 LAAT/i gunner positions would be filled. I also think the LAAT/i gunners could be temporarily reassigned from the main star destroyer crew (because 7400 is a LOT, they can spare 96). Wookiepedia said that the gunships could hold 30 troops for transport, but that seems like it'd be really cramped quarters. My guess is that each one would hold somewhere between 14-17 comfortably depending on how many people need transport and how many gunships are in use, which is what I kept in mind to come up with the original number of 48 for a battalion.

The Starfighter Corps consist of 5 separate squadrons, the standard* being two squadrons of Y-wings, one squadron of V-19 Torrents, one squadron of Z-95 Headhunters, and one squadron of ARC-170s. There are 12 in a squadron, plus a squad leader and two usually in reserve, so that's 15 total ships in a squadron and 75 total ships overall. Y-wings require a pilot and a gunner, so the total number of members in a battalion's starfighter corps equals 105. However, I believe some battalions could have up to double** these numbers if they're frequently in space battles, like Anakin and the 501st, or if they have a name that suggests it, like the 327th Star Corps. Squadrons seem to often be named after colors, but that isn't always the case, ie. Shadow Squadron.

*This standard isn't canon, it's just what I believe makes sense based on the number of ships types available and how frequently they are seen used in the show. The Y-wing bombers seem to be used a bit more than the rest, which is why I think there would be two squadrons of them.

**While double the number of ships is certainly possible, I figure it's more common to have three more squadrons instead of the full five so there would be two squadrons of each type of ship.

~~~

That's all I got! Like I said earlier, use whatever you like, ignore the parts you don't, it doesn't really matter to me. This system is definitely what I'm going to follow in my wips if anyone is ever curious about what's going on with those.

Hopefully this is helpful to someone out there! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading! :)