#I mean good for her i guess not a lot of people succeed at making shows. The writing still sucks though

[millimononym]

ppl getting pissed either against or for vivziepop shows is an overreaction on both sides because like theyre the most somewhat bad to sometimes mediocre shows ever with good animation and songs. Like i get vivzie cant take a joke or criticism shes basically a female dream but tbf anyone who uses Twitter is miserable so

[autistichalsin]

I have tried to avoid discourse around this ever since November, but since people are once again upset at the ultimatum (which doesn't seem to trigger in game yet, though it has been voiced) I guess I will offer my defense of Halsin.

A lot of the anger at Halsin here boils down to "he's against Minthara, therefore fuck Halsin," ignoring that Halsin has very good reasons to not trust her. (And also purposeful misinterpretation of his comments about HER to be about all Drow).

So first of all: We need to look at what has happened to Halsin in his life before arriving at this point.

Yes, obviously, there is his captivity with a Drow noble house, but I think people are kind of just forgetting what that means here. It isn't "he hates all Drow now because of his trauma", which is an almost insultingly reductive take. Minthara is from House Baenre, the top house of Menzoberranzan for centuries. She is at LEAST 200 years old, and likely older; she witnessed the downfall of House DeVir, and was old enough for her to fully understand it, but "young enough that it left quite an impression on me", likely placing her between 200 and 300 years old. Halsin is 350, and was kidnapped as a young Druid- likely between 100 and 175. There is a very good chance that Minthara was a young adult when he was a captive, and he would have heard about her evil actions long before encountering her in the goblin camp. He would know who she was before the tadpole.

Halsin was a captive for at least a few days if not longer, tortured in his bear form (the goblin lashers are mentioned at least a few times, not to mention rocks being thrown at him, Gut mentioning threatening to cut him open and put maggots in his belly, etc), and had his Grove threatened by Minthara.

Most important, and most easy to miss: this ultimatum is planned for if the Rite of Thorns is carried out, hence the reference to Kagha's foolishness. He has lost his home, his place of worship, and the people he considers his family forever. Watch his reaction after you tell him the Rite has been carried out; his world comes crashing down, he lets out the tiniest "the Rite of Thorns? no", and he is so upset he no longer asks you to take out the leaders. He says he needs to be alone for a while. He is grieving the loss of everything he had, everything that got him through the loss of his original family, and it is directly because of the Cult of the Absolute.

Now, let me go through some rebuttals to arguments in Minthara's favor.

She doesn't mean Halsin any harm at this point.

Rebuttal: Halsin has no way of knowing this. Her actions have already demonstrated otherwise- she has caused him harm. He has no tadpole to see her true intentions, like the other players, and Minthara doesn't make her case particularly well. She simply says she "has no quarrel" with him. Not an apology for his sufferings in the past or the loss of his home. If she doesn't regret the harm she caused him, he has no reason to trust her.

And of course, Minthara DOESN'T feel any remorse, whether or not she raids the Grove; if she does succeed, she'll later say her only regret is not making the choice to do it herself. Because she is evil and that's how evil characters work.

2. Halsin works with Shadowheart/Lae'zel/Astarion/an evil-aligned player; Halsin is willing to sleep with the Seldarine Drow twins; Halsin is forgiving and wants a better world for all, this should clearly include Minthara too.

Rebuttal: by rescuing him and saving the Grove, the former four have shown themselves to be capable of good deeds. He is very consistent that his one redline is DO NOT FUCK WITH HIS GROVE. If you DO NOT FUCK WITH HIS GROVE, he will give you the benefit of the doubt. If you FUCK WITH HIS GROVE, he is done with you; if the player raids the Grove, he will hunt them down and attack them, no matter what the player tries to talk him out of it.

FURTHER, he very much calls the party out on any future evil deeds they do (I.E. Shadowheart slaying the Nightsong if she's on the Shar path), and will leave the party if the player sinks their approval low enough.

The Drow twins are Seldarine, not Lolthsworn, and having a one-night-stand is very different than trusting someone as an ally.

The "wanting a better world for all" thing is of course subject to the paradox of tolerance. In the epilogue, it is very specifically mentioned that their commune is "hidden from those who are not welcome, open to any who need shelter." I.E. those who want to cause harm are not welcome to it, because the "better world for all" can't allow, by design, those who DON'T want a better world for all.

3. Halsin hates her because she's a Drow.

He specifically mentions Lolth-sworn Drow here. "Cruelty comes to Lolth's followers as naturally as breathing. I have seen it- experienced it." Minthara literally only abandoned those ways because she was abandoned by Lolth first- only when it suited her.

She still supports all the same teachings (which is why she openly insults surface elf players the first time they meet, and will tell an elf player who becomes a mindflayer that it was an "improvement"), and she uses slurs against surface elves to boot. Minthara is far more racist against surface elves than Halsin EVER is against Drow.

4. Halsin is condemning Minthara to a fate worse than death (unspoken: out of spite) and this makes him not a good person.

Halsin fully believes Minthara to be a threat to himself and the player. He says in as many words that if it's a choice between Minthara's freedom and the player's, he picks the player. In his eyes, it's a choice between Minthara's freedom and the fate of the world since he knows the player is the only one who can defeat the Absolute. He's in a dilemma similar to the player having to decide whether to let Orpheus die or turn the Emperor into an enemy- it's just that people don't realize because we have meta-knowledge, as players, that Halsin doesn't.

5. That "viper" comment is hypocritical.

He isn't referring to Drow as a whole. He is referring to Minthara herself.

Remember, he knew Kagha before she went bad, and knew she was capable of better (better enough that he made her his second in command). All he would know of Minthara was what she did in the Underdark as a Baenre (including owning slaves, which I'm sure didn't do her any favors), what she nearly did to his Grove, what she allowed to happen to him, and that she's now claiming to have changed when showing zero remorse or actual interest in changing anything. Perhaps it was wrong for him to phrase it it as "cannot" change instead of "will not" change for her, but the sentiment is spot on. Minthara doesn't fundamentally change in any path the player brings her on- what changes is, at best, who she considers it acceptable to subjugate.

6. Halsin has no stakes here, it's wrong for him to demand Minthara go when she has more to lose.

Again, Halsin views Minthara as an existential threat to their plan to save the world. He is lacking in personal stakes by comparison, but remember; he also has lost the only home he knows. That is no small thing.

(From a meta perspective, I do think they should have done something like mention the Shadow Druids/Ketheric Thorm loyalists are still hunting Halsin, just to make it more fair, but this was clearly written with the main goal of enforcing the exclusivity. And honestly, I can't imagine all that many people actually want both in the same party on every playthrough? Mostly I saw people wanting to recruit Minthara on good playthroughs, and wanting to not have to abandon the Shadow Cursed Lands to darkness; many of the people I saw expressing this specifically said they wanted to dismiss Halsin after accomplishing that. This seemed like exactly what those players would have wanted, being able to spare the Grove, free the SCL, and then dismiss Halsin and travel with Minthara.)

7. Halsin owes the player his unquestioning trust after they saved him/his Grove/broke the Shadow Curse. He has no right to question their judgment.

This... really isn't a good way to think? He shows his gratitude by traveling with them to help (when he has no tadpole at all- he's doing this out of pure selflessness to thank the player for helping him), but that doesn't mean he should stop having thoughts on the goings-on. Where is this energy when other characters continuously question your judgment when you have them wait at camp?

8. Halsin is being stupid by allowing her to go be mind controlled by the Absolute.

This is one I will concede. It's not the wisest decision, and I can only guess it's because they didn't want to write Minthara automatically going aggro on the player if they choose Halsin over her. (I, on the other hand, think that would be brilliant, and would be a mark in Halsin's favor for this choice.)

9. This is manipulation of the player.

Halsin wishes the player the best, and leaves without fuss, if they choose Minthara over him; he thanks them for all they've done, and he even says he hopes he's wrong, but cannot stay to find out. He is being sincere; he believes he, and probably the player, will be killed if Minthara stays, which in turn puts the fate of the world in question. He will accept the player's decision if they choose her, but he feels threatened and won't stay himself. This is a boundary, not manipulation, not malice, not anything else.

10. Halsin comes across as uncompromising/unsympathetic; this is OOC for Halsin/ruins his character; he is being selfish; other assorted similar sentiments

I already addressed most of the other arguments with the points above, but I will say, truthfully: I don't find this particularly OOC at all. He has been very clear that his one and only rule is DO NOT FUCK WITH THE GROVE. Minthara fucked with the Grove. He has no reason to trust her. And he has ALSO been incredibly consistent: if you are in a situation where it's someone else or you, you have every right to choose to save yourself. He shows sympathy if Wyll has to let Ravengard die, he doesn't blame the player if they kill EVERY DRUID IN THE GROVE to save the Tieflings, he doesn't even blame the player if they order Orin-as-Lae'zel to kill Yenna, an innocent child he was very attached to. He is devastated at the latter two, clearly, but he blames the Druids for the second for forgetting their principles, and he blames Orin for the latter for making the trap. This is perfectly in line with his Druidic beliefs; you have every right to protect yourself first and foremost.

I get that a lot of people don't like the ultimatum (worth noting is that this has always been part of the series; in the first two games, characters of different alignments would outright refuse to work with each other), but it really doesn't make Halsin look as bad as people say, and I feel like a lot of people are being really callous/dismissive/reductive to what Halsin has been through here.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 1 (Introductions)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 7.1K

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Week 1 Quote: "Fuck. I might be in trouble."

Dieter’s POV

“Lenny, have you seen this fucking schedule? It’s seven days a week for twelve weeks. When do I get a break?” 

Lenny, my agent, sighed through the speaker phone, “D, I told you this was going to be a lot of work before you agreed to do it. You shouldn’t be surprised…and besides, that’s only if you make it to the finals.”

I scoffed, “Thanks for the vote of confidence…asshole.” Lenny chuckled on the other end of the line. We both went quiet for a moment as I continued to flip through the packet of paper that Lenny had sent over for review, “I don’t even get to have any say on the wardrobe or music. Such bullshit…sucking all the fun out of it. Did you at least drop a bug in their ear about who I’ll be partnered with? If I get stuck with someone I don’t want, I’m gonna be fucking miserable.” 

“I did, but the producers said they always do the partner matching themselves. They have a formula…or something. Maybe bring it up again at this morning's meeting and explain why. They may listen to you on it.” 

I huffed as my eyes continued skimming over the weekly schedule, “I have to get a fucking spray tan every week? You have GOT to be kidding me…Lenny, you know I don’t like using carcinogenic chemicals on my body.” 

“Uhhh, no comment on that…Look, I’ll put in a call and see if they can use something natural for that.” 

I relaxed some, “I would appreciate that. Thank you. Tell them I have an allergy or something…just make it happen.” 

I tossed the packet onto the table and picked up my phone, taking it off speaker and putting it to my ear - now pacing as I spoke, “Well, it looks like I’m gonna be pretty busy for a bit. That’ll be a nice distraction. It beats being locked inside the house at least.”  

Lenny hesitated, but still asked, “How are you doing with everything? Still managing ok?” 

I sighed, “Yeah, I mean I’m going to therapy and all the meetings still. I’ve been doing ok…just trying to keep the stress levels down. That’s what gets to me the most.” 

“How long has it been?”

I looked at the date on my watch, “Eight months today…actually. It’s the longest I’ve ever been clean, and I plan to stick to it this time. I’m feeling good and I want to keep it that way.” 

“Everyone is really proud of you, D. You know that, right? Keep at it and we'll have you back on top in no time.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing that it was an uphill battle, “I appreciate that, but good luck getting people to change their opinion of me. I’m not sure if my reputation is salvageable at this point. Everyone seems to think my sobriety is some sort of joke. No one is taking it seriously.”

I could hear Lenny inhale deeply on the other end of the phone, “It’s just going to take time, D. Don’t give up yet.” 

I pursed my lips in thought, “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I need to get ready for this meeting. We’ll talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely let me know how it goes.”  

Once I hung up the phone with Lenny, I took a quick shower, then spent longer than I should have staring at the clothes hanging in my closet - trying to pick something that says I have my shit together. My therapist kept reminding me that if I dressed like a slob, people were going to treat me like one. So, I was putting more effort into making myself presentable before I left the house these days. Since it was a work meeting, I went for a business casual look, figuring I couldn’t go wrong with that. After styling my hair and getting dressed, I grabbed my keys, phone, wallet, and sunglasses and headed out the front door.

As I approached my car, which was parked in the driveway, I noticed there was a dead bird on the hood. The fluffy gray, brown, and white stray cat that had been hanging around my house was sitting next to it, looking rather proud of himself. I sighed, “Come on dude, really?” And this is why I need to get the garage cleaned out. I hit the clicker to open the garage door so I could get a broom to knock the bird off the hood. As I waded through the mountain of empty boxes from my move six months ago, I cursed myself for taking my sweet time getting that stuff out of the house. Finally finding the broom, I quickly moved to get the dead bird off of the car and shooed the cat away. He didn’t look happy about it as he moved to sit on the pathway in front of the house, watching me until I was finally on my way to Television City Studios to meet with the producers of Dancing with the Stars. 

When I arrived at the studio, I was met by the two executive producers, Stacia and Joe and led into a conference room. I let them do their spiel about what’s expected and the schedule. Nodding along in all the right places, being as polite as possible even though I hated how little say I had over anything. Once they moved on to the topic of how they choose partners, I spoke up for the first time, “I would really like to have input on my partner.” They both moved to speak before I held up my hand to signal that I wasn’t finished talking. 

“Look, I know you all have your formula or whatever, but I have a legitimate reason for asking. As I’m sure you’re aware, I’ve been trying to clean up my image. I’ve been sober for eight months and I would really like to be placed with someone that doesn’t have a reputation for partying…someone who isn’t gonna be a negative influence on me. It’s actually really important to me because I’m actively avoiding being around anyone who is into that kind of lifestyle.” Which is why I spend most of my time alone.  

Stacia and Joe looked at each other, obviously surprised at my reasoning for the request. They were actually stunned into silence. Since neither of them said anything, I continued, “I had my team check into the dancers, and based on their recommendation…I’m requesting that Katarina Stamos be my partner. She has a good reputation and I’m also told she’s very professional and isn’t judgmental…because that’s been an issue here lately that I’d really like to not have to deal with.”

Stacia’s brow furrowed, “Are you looking to actually win? Because Kat hasn’t won a single season that she’s been with us.”

I narrowed my eyes on her. What an asshole thing to say about someone. “Well, maybe that’s because you keep giving her shitty partners.” 

I gave Stacia a sarcastic smile. She had the audacity to look offended by that statement. I had watched the show and seen the people Katarina was partnered with. It was always the older guys that could hardly move. Stacia’s attitude made me more determined to have Katarina as a partner just to prove a fucking point on her behalf. 

Joe interrupted the silent standoff that Stacia and I now seemed to be having, “Alright, let’s think about this…” He turned to Stacia, “Physically, they work together. Their height and proportions are a good match…and Kat is very patient. She would work well with him. Also, if he wishes to be with someone who isn’t into partying, Anika is not the person he needs to be with.”

Stacia looked frustrated and unwilling to give in as she glared at her counterpart. Joe smirked, “If you're worried about the change in narrative, it’s possible there may be other options we haven’t considered.” 

What the fuck does that mean? I leaned forward on my elbows, “What narrative?” 

They both turned to look at me, Stacia now had a sly smile on her face. It was Joe who answered, “We always consider the possible narratives that could come up between partners. How they’ll interact and get along personality wise. It’s an important factor for the show.”

I felt a crease form between my brows, “So basically, you try to manufacture drama for TV.”  

Joe shook his head, “Not exactly, I mean ultimately, yes. We just take personalities and such into account when we pair the dancers with their celebrities. I mean, we do want everyone to get along with their partner, obviously.”   

So, you’re fucking meddlers. Got it. I arched my brows, giving them a tight smile as I nodded, going along with what they were telling me. I now realized I would have to keep an eye on these two. I didn’t feel like they had my best interest in mind. Especially if they were initially planning to put me with the known party girl. 

I cleared my throat before speaking again, “So what does that mean…do I get to work with Katarina or not?” 

Stacia looked at me, now smiling, “I think that may actually be a good match now that I think about it. So yeah, we’ll let you work with Kat. Hopefully you’ll both make it through to finals.” 

What is this woman’s deal? Geez Louise. I eyed them both suspiciously for a moment, “Ok, good. Now I’m finally a little excited about this.”   

They went over a few more details about the schedule before taking me out to meet with a production assistant, who was tasked with giving me a tour of the building and showing me where my dressing room would be. This part of my day couldn’t end soon enough… 

Katarina’s POV

As I was pulling into the Television City Studios parking lot for the first day of my last season on Dancing with the Stars, my phone pinged with a text from Alec, my fiancée.

Alec: I finished up my meeting with production. Are you here? Have you had yours yet?

I leaned my head back against the seat. What the hell has he been doing? I know his meeting was over an hour ago.

Me: Just parked, I have mine in 10 minutes. I’m on my way in…Meet you in the lobby. 

A few minutes later, I found Alec in the lobby. He seemed more excited than he normally was on the first day as he greeted me with a quick kiss on the cheek. 

I leaned away from him, “What’s got you so smiley this morning?” I could tell he was trying to temper it down and have a more neutral expression on his face as he shrugged, “I didn’t realize I was. Guess I’m just excited to see you.” 

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. What are you hiding now you asshole. He didn’t know how well I could read him at this point. 

I arched a brow instead of returning his smile, “So, I assume you found out who your partner is gonna be?”

He continued his attempts at a neutral expression, “Yeah, Lana Thompson…she’s an actress, I think. There was apparently a last minute change to the lineup this morning. You know her?” 

I gave him a tight smile, “Yeah…I know her. She has a bit of a reputation…”  

He feigned ignorance, “Oh? I don’t know anything about her. I’m sure she’ll turn out to be one of those stuck up, bitchy types like the rest of ‘em. Ya know, you’re lucky it’s your last season so you don’t have to deal with these people anymore.” 

And there it is. He doth protest too much. He was excited to be paired with her, I could tell. He saw it as an opportunity. As far as I knew, he hadn’t strayed to another woman in some time, but that didn’t mean he had changed. He still hadn’t earned my trust back and his current excitement only made me more suspicious of his commitment. 

Alec could sense the tension taking hold of my body as he rubbed at my lower back, “Everything ok, baby?”

I gave him a half-hearted smile, “Yeah, just peachy. I’ve gotta go or I’m gonna be late. I’ll catch up with you after.” 

As I was walking down the hallway toward the conference room, I saw Lana Thompson exiting the bathroom. I suspected Alec had already met his partner and liked her more than he let on. Which probably explains why it took him as long as it did to text me. 

When I entered the conference room, Stacia and Joe sat huddled together. They seemed to be engrossed in whatever they were whispering about, but abruptly stopped talking once they realized I was lingering in the entryway. They both smiled, almost over enthusiastically as they welcomed me and motioned for me to have a seat. They studied me for a moment before Stacia finally spoke, “How are things going with you?” 

That’s an odd question and an odd tone. I wasn’t sure what kind of answer she was looking for, “It’s going good, why?” 

She gave me a small smile, “I know it’s your last season because you have things going on…but do you think you’re feeling up to the possibility of making it to finals?” 

I gave her a confused look, “What is that supposed to mean?” 

Joe leaned forward, “What Stacia is trying to say is…the person we have you partnered with this time is going to be a little more physically able than your usual partners. So, you may be in it for the full twelve weeks…if you can pull it off. Are you physically able to handle it?” 

Should I be offended by that? It’s not like I can’t function. It was just painful some days, especially when there were a lot of rehearsals. My joints couldn’t handle the Latin dances like they used to - the jerky movements exacerbating the inflammation and discomfort. That didn’t mean they had to treat me like a fragile porcelain doll though. 

I narrowed my eyes at them, “Of course I can handle it. I could handle it this entire time…which is why I’ve been asking for more capable partners.” 

Joe smiled, “Well, good. Maybe you can go out with a bang this season.” 

What the fuck was this about? I dug my teeth into my bottom lip as I tried to figure out their angle. There was always an angle with them, “Why do I feel like you’re trying to sell this to me?” 

Joe grimaced slightly. “We’re not trying to sell it, but we do worry you won’t be happy about it.” 

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back into the seat, “Who is it?” 

Stacia smirked, “It’s Dieter Bravo.”

I looked between the two of them, “You’re joking?” 

They shook their heads in unison. This didn’t make sense. Wouldn’t he be better suited with one of the girls that enjoyed a lifestyle similar to his? 

“What makes you think he and I will work well together? I know I have a lot of patience, but it does have its limits.” 

Joe chuckled, “His people requested you specifically. He’s actually eight months sober and they want him with someone who isn’t going to get him into trouble. He’s trying to clean up his image.” 

I scoffed, “I thought you didn’t let the celebrities have any say in who they’re partnered with?”

Joe leaned forward onto the table, “We don’t normally, but given his request and the reasons for it, we felt we should make an exception. We were thinking of putting him with you anyway.”

I shook my head, “You are aware of his reputation, right? Alec is gonna lose his shit over this.” 

Stacia smiled, “It’s not your or Alec’s choice. We run the show.”

It dawned on me then. Alec had said there was a last minute lineup change this morning and that’s why he was put with Lana. I had somehow managed to fly under the radar when it came to the producers' manufactured bullshit, but now I was right in the middle of it. They were making moves to create an underlying narrative for the show. 

“Who was he partnered with originally? I know it wasn’t me.” 

Stacia looked surprised by my question, “He was never partnered with anyone else before you.”

Stacia was lying. She couldn’t look at me directly when she answered my question - it was her tell. I knew how their minds worked. Dieter Bravo had a reputation for causing trouble and they were looking to exploit it. I’m sure his request caused a hiccup in their plans, so now they were making adjustments to cause drama surrounding him any way they could. 

My eyes shifted between the two of them, “I don’t know what your endgame is here, but I have no intention of playing, just so you know.”

Stacia and Joe sat expressionless, not giving anything away. I assumed they expected this sort of response from me. My tendency to push back at their plans was one of the reasons I wasn’t a favorite of theirs and most likely part of the reason they always worked to get me off the show as soon as possible, every season. Which sucked for my bank account. To add to their reasoning, I wasn’t interesting enough since I never had issues with my partners or whirlwind romances that made for good TV. However, this season they were taking a chance, throwing two bombs in the form of Lana and Dieter into my already tumultuous relationship with Alec. Hoping for an exciting outcome that would play out behind the scenes to stir up tabloid fodder and result in free promotion for the show.  

Joe sighed, finally speaking to break the tension in the room, “For what it’s worth, we met with Dieter earlier this morning…he was actually very pleasant and agreeable. I don’t think he’ll be an issue for you, so long as he continues to stay sober.”

My brows furrowed, “It sounds like you have a lot of faith in him. Good to know.” I moved to stand, “Well, if there isn’t anything else you need from me…”

Joe smiled weakly in my direction, “No, I think that’s it for now…just make sure you review the schedule and let us know if you have questions.” 

I gave them a sarcastic smile before moving to leave the conference room. As I rounded the corner in the hallway, looking down at the floor lost in my thoughts and frustration, I ran into someone. I started mumbling my apologies as I looked up at the stranger. I was met with a mess of curls, piercing dark eyes, and a dimpled lop-sided grin. It was Dieter fucking Bravo looking like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine. 

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he said through a chuckle with his hands on my shoulders to catch me from running head first into him. We stared at each other in silence for a moment. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, he can’t call me that.  

He had a slight smirk on his face now, “Katarina, right? Looks like we’re gonna be dance partners.” 

I shook my head, my lips set in a tight line, “Don’t call me that.” 

His brow furrowed, “What? Katarina?” 

I scoffed, “No, sweetheart. I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. It’s inappropriate. You can call me Kat like everyone else.” 

He was obviously taken off guard by my cold demeanor as he gave me a confused look, “I didn’t…mean anything by it, I-I call everyone sweetheart.” 

I nodded, “Well, you're not gonna call me that.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a beat, “I guess I’ve earned that. Sorry, I won’t do it again.” 

I inhaled deeply, biting my bottom lip as I did so. It didn’t go unnoticed that his eyes shifted down to my mouth. “Look, this is my last season and I just wanna get through it without any drama, ok?”

A crease formed between his brows as his jaw ticked to the side, “What makes you think I’m gonna cause drama?”

I shook my head, now realizing how big of a jerk I was being, “Umm…I…”

He continued to stare at me with a burning intensity, “Just so you know, I’m sober…have been for eight months. Drama is not my thing these days…”

I gave him a tight smile, “Good…hopefully you can stick to it.”  Fuck. That did not come out how I meant for it to.

I could see his jaw muscles flex before he let out a small laugh. His eyes finally shifted downward. He almost looked hurt by that comment. 

I sighed, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” 

His brows arched as he peered at me through his lashes, “You know, I requested to be partnered with you because I was told that you're professional and wouldn’t be judgmental about my past…I guess I heard wrong. I suppose I should just expect it at this point, right? Maybe I shouldn’t have such high expectations of others.” 

My mouth fell open as I shook my head. I’m such a fucking asshole. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything before he spoke again, “I guess I’ll see you at rehearsals tomorrow. Have a good afternoon.” He gave me a sad smile as he brushed past me. I stood there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot watching him as he walked toward the exit. That was a great first impression. Good job, Kat. 

“Who was that?” Alec asked from behind me. 

I turned, running my fingers through the top of my hair out of frustration, “That was my new dance partner.” 

Alec squinted toward the figure standing near the exit, now stopping to look at his phone, “Is that Dieter Bravo?” 

I could feel my jaw tighten as I took in Alec’s expression, “Yes, it is.” Alec’s head snapped toward me, “I don’t want you working with him.” 

I smiled sarcastically, “Really? And you think I have a choice in that? They made it clear, there is no other option. I asked.”

Alec shook his head, “You could just not do this season. You're quitting anyway. Why not go ahead and drop out?” 

My eyes widened at his suggestion, “Because I need the fucking money, you know that.” 

He chuckled, “Right, for the dance studio.” 

I scoffed, “Yeah, for the dance studio. I don’t understand why you can’t support me on that.” 

Alec didn’t acknowledge my question, “This guy is a known womanizer. I’m not comfortable with this.” 

My head tilted to the side, “So you don’t trust me. That’s rich coming from you. You know…I’m not excited about your partner either, but I didn’t tell you to drop out. If anyone has a right to be concerned, it’s me.” 

Alec moved in closer, causing me to back up against the wall as he got in my face. His eyes were blazing with anger, “You’re never gonna let that shit go, are you? That was ten months ago, and I have been loyal to you ever since. Yet here you are…still throwing it in my fucking face.” 

I had a sudden defiant streak hit me, “You’re the one who brought it up by insinuating that you couldn’t trust me. I’m just reminding you who the problem is in this relationship.” 

Alec moved to put his hand on the wall next to my head as he leaned in further - his nose nearly touching mine as I turned my stoney face away from him, “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again,” he spat out.   

I could feel his eyes drift over my face for a moment before he pulled away and walked off. 

I huffed out a quiet “Fuck” as I exhaled a shaky breath and watched him walk toward the dressing rooms. When I glanced back toward the exit, Dieter was still standing there, frozen in place with his phone halfway to his ear. Once he realized I was looking his way, his head dropped downward, and he slowly turned to exit the building.   

 Dieter’s POV 

As I walked out into the scorching afternoon sun, I ended the call to check my voicemail, deciding I wasn’t in the mood to hear it. I was frustrated by my first interaction with Katarina. It didn’t go how I expected, and honestly, she had hurt my feelings. Based on everything I had heard about her, I didn’t think she would throw my past up in my face like that. At least not immediately, if at all. She did seem a little flustered, maybe she was just having a bad day? 

What followed after our exchange was even more bizarre. It looked like she was having a tense conversation with the man that I assumed was the one she was dating. Lenny had mentioned she was engaged to one of the other dancers. When the man first leaned in, I initially thought they were just having a private moment, but then I noticed the look on Kat’s face as she turned away from him. Something about it was unsettling and for a brief moment, I considered interrupting them. Luckily, I didn’t have to. However, I was left feeling that I had witnessed something I wasn’t supposed to.

Even though our conversation didn’t go as well as I hoped, I was still struck with how beautiful Katarina was in person. Pictures and TV didn’t do her justice. It was probably a good thing she was seeing someone, otherwise I would be in danger of making a fool of myself. Then again, I probably would anyway. My sober self didn’t seem to know how to act around a pretty lady. My confidence and self-assurance definitely weren’t on the same level these days. 

When I got home, I spent more time than I would like to admit staring at my reflection in the mirror - trying to remind myself that I was no longer the piece of shit that everyone still saw me as. It was still hard for me to accept that the old me and the new me were two very different people. Some days it really did seem like it was easier being the old Dieter Bravo, because he didn’t care about how he was perceived by others. I often longed for him to come back, just to quiet the thoughts of self-hate and inadequacy. Those thoughts really could be suffocating and hard to overcome. It was near impossible living with myself on those days.

The anticipation of how our first rehearsal would go was starting to get to me. So, I decided to spend the rest of the evening trying to relax and take my mind off things. With classical music blaring from the sound system, I moved through the house to check in on my plants - watering, misting leaves, and pruning. It was a new hobby I had picked up since rehab. It started with one succulent plant that had seen better days. My neighbor had left it sitting next to the trash bin on garbage collection day. For some reason, I had an urge to attempt to save the shriveled mass. After a few weeks, it was showing new life as the deep purple hues started to form on the leaves. My plant obsession bloomed from there. Now I wasn’t even sure how many I had. I was fairly certain my housekeeper was going to quit if I brought any more home. 

After I was finished with the plants, I spent some time painting until I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. It was nearing midnight by the time I had showered and crawled into bed. Even though I was completely exhausted, I couldn’t shut my mind off. The anxiety was now building to problematic levels. It was always at this point that I thought about using the most. By now, the old Dieter would be a couple lines in and a few drinks deep to block out the thoughts. The new Dieter suffers through it as he lay in bed alone, staring into the darkness. I drug both hands down my face and huffed loudly before moving to switch on the lamp beside the bed. I reached for my latest self-help book and began reading.  

I was startled awake by my 7 AM alarm. I groaned as I felt around next to me on the bed for the shrilling phone to shut it off. I sat up, still half out of it, causing the book that had been lying on my chest to fall to the floor with a loud thump. I got up from bed, wiping the sleep from my eyes as I walked toward the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I stood staring at my reflection again, “You look like shit, Bravo.” It was clear I hadn’t gotten much sleep from my dark circles and puffy eyelids. I threw a warm rag over my eyes for a few minutes in hopes that would help.

Standing in my closet staring at the pile of gym clothes my stylist had picked up, I selected a random pair of shorts and a t-shirt, then pulled the tags off. We weren’t allowed to wear anything with brands or logos on filming days, so I had to break down and buy more clothes. It was probably for the best, my old gym clothes were looking a little ratty anyway.    

Once I was dressed, I grabbed my backpack that had a few essentials in it and headed toward the front door. As I stepped out onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind me, I was greeted by my furry squatter who had left another gift near the steps - a dead mouse. I sighed, “Well, at least it’s not on top of the car this time…” The fluffy menace meowed at me as he rubbed against my legs, as if to say, “Look what I did!” 

I was determined to not give in to the furry intruder, so I disregarded his attempts for pets. “Don’t you have a family somewhere to annoy?” I muttered to him as I continued toward the car. He followed me halfway down the pathway before sitting down and flicking his tail around as he watched me get into the driver's side and shut the door. He didn’t look happy about being ignored. 

I gave myself a quick glance in the rearview mirror, reaching to comb down my hair with my fingers. I hadn’t bothered to fix it, knowing it was going to turn into a mess no matter what I did to it. Then, I started the car and drove in silence to the dance studio, not even really sure how I got there as I pulled into the parking lot. I found myself wondering if I had run any redlights as I walked through the main entrance. I felt like I was in a haze as the camera team talked to me in the lobby to fill me in on the plans for filming. 

They wanted to do a brief interview with me before I went into the studio with Katarina. They wanted me to give the whole spiel about how excited I was to be here and working with my dance partner. Truth is, I wasn’t excited. I was nervous as hell, and I was supposed to act like this was the first time I was meeting her. I was unsure of how to act toward her, so when the time came for me to walk through the door to greet her and act excited, I turned on the Dieter Bravo charm the best I could and pretended like yesterday’s conversation never happened.

I was surprised to find how well Katarina did the same thing as she came over to greet me with a smile and a hug and gushed about how excited she was to work with me. However, we were both avoiding looking at the other directly. Clearly there was still some lingering awkwardness between us. After they filmed the introduction, they wanted to get some quick shots of us rehearsing. 

These first few days of rehearsal were meant for learning the basics. We were not actually getting into the first routine yet. We started with some simple stretches and moved into learning the proper frame, the different types of positions, and spacing for the different types of dances. It was all very high level and fast, but Katarina had promised that we would go over it in more detail once the film crew left for the day. The quick pace was mostly for the benefit of the film crew so they could get what they needed and move on to the next couple. 

Once filming was done for the day, we took a seat on the floor for a water break as the crew gathered up all of their gear to leave. We mostly sat in awkward silence until we were finally alone. I could feel Katarina’s eyes on me as I stared at the water bottle in my hand. She spoke first. 

“I feel like I should apologize about yesterday…I was having a shit day and kind of took it out on you. I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean what I said.” 

I pursed my lips and shrugged, “It’s fine. I’m used to it at this point.” 

She reached out and grasped my wrist with her left hand, the heat of her touch raced through me as I looked at the glittering ring on that finger for a moment before meeting her eyes, “It doesn’t mean that it should keep happening though. It’s not right and it’s not fair to you. Everyone deserves a second chance.” 

I huffed out a small laugh, “Yeah, except I’m on like my tenth chance. I understand why no one takes me seriously. Really, it’s not that big of a deal.” 

Her face softened as she stared at me for a beat, like she was trying to decide what she wanted to say next. Then she shifted her body to face me as she crossed her legs, “It is a big deal. It’s a big deal to me because I know better. You know…” 

She paused, appearing to gather her thoughts. I moved to lean back on my hand and face her more fully with my legs stretched out to the side. My teeth bit into my bottom lip as I watched her face shift to a somewhat pained expression. It was brief, but I still caught it before she gained her composure. 

“My uhh…my dad was sober for about 14 years before he passed. I know how hard it was for him in the beginning…with everyone doubting him and not giving him a chance. It’s one of the reasons he relapsed the first few times. It can be hard when you don’t have any support from the people around you. I know that…and I don’t wanna be one of those people. You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you, so I wanna make sure I’m giving you a fair shot and support you as long as you’re actively trying to better yourself. I know first-hand that people do change.”

Is she fucking serious? I couldn’t move or speak. She had stunned me again for the second day in a row. I never would have guessed she would share something so personal, especially on our first day together. She seemed sincere in her apology.   

I finally managed a curt nod before I reached to rub at the crease between my brows, “Thanks…I uhh…I appreciate that.”  I let out a small laugh, “I appreciate it more than you probably realize, actually.” 

She gave me a tentative smile, “Does that mean I’m forgiven for being an asshole then?” 

I chuckled, “Of course…and I didn’t think you were an asshole. Not really. I had a feeling you were having a bad day.”

“Whew…ok. Good. I was worried I had already fucked this whole thing up before it started.” 

Ok, it’s kind of hot when she says fuck. I smirked, “Does this mean I get to call you sweetheart now?” 

She narrowed her eyes on me and shook her head, “No. No sweetheart.” She laughed quietly, “But, I might consider a different nickname if you come up with a good one.” 

My lips spread into a cheeky smile, “I think I can come up with something.” She laughed into the top of her water bottle as she took a sip with a slight flush creeping up her neck. Am I flirting right now? I don’t even know what I’m doing. Geez. I looked away in an attempt to reign myself in. I can’t be doing that.  

We were soon back at it, now with a more relaxed atmosphere. We again started with getting my frame right. I stood in place as she moved my arms to the proper position, pushing in between my shoulder blades to straighten my posture. After several minutes in the position, I couldn’t help the groan that slipped out, “This is gonna do a number on my back muscles, isn’t it?” 

She snickered, “You will definitely have better posture by the time I’m done with you. Now, elbows up, you should have a horizontal line from elbow to elbow…and hold it there.” 

She then stood in front of me, taking in my form for a moment before manipulating my hands into the proper position. 

Smiling, she nodded in satisfaction as she stepped closer, “Ok, now let’s go over the hold. The hold is important because it’s how we connect…how our bodies communicate movement to lead and follow.” 

As she spoke, she moved closer, placing her arm along the top of my right one and clasping my left hand in hers. She was very matter of fact with her words as her eyes bore into mine. It was almost distracting. 

“I need you to make sure there’s no space between our arms…here, so keep your elbow flush against mine.” She bounced her arm against the top of my right one to emphasize what she meant. “This is an important connection point because I can feel the pressure from your arm, which will tell me how to follow. As for your left hand, keep it at my eye level. We apply pressure here as well for another connection point.”    

All I could do was nod along with her words, completely mesmerized by her intensity. Once she felt we had the hold down, she began to explain the differences in spacing for standard ballroom versus Latin dances. 

“So…in Latin style dances, we’ll have more space between us…like we are now. It gives us more room to move. We’re gonna be slightly offset from each other while maintaining this closed position. Got it?”

I nodded again as I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I wanted to look at her directly, but I couldn’t. Between her eyes burning into me and the tingling from her touch, I felt like my skin was on fire. I didn’t know what to make of it and it was sort of fucking with my head.

Then she stepped even closer, the front of our bodies nearly flush as she slightly adjusted the position of our arms. I swallowed hard over her proximity and the tangy citrus scent that was now invading my senses. Fuck. I might be in trouble. 

“For standard dances, like the Waltz and Foxtrot, we’re gonna be closer…like this. Our frame will be a little wider and our arms will be positioned slightly lower. We’ll both be looking off to our left instead of directly at each other.”   

I cleared my throat, stepping back slightly, “Sooo…umm…do we look off to the left for Latin dances?” 

Her brows arched as her eyes widened, “Good question. I should have mentioned that. There’s typically more direct eye contact in the Latin dances. It’s actually another form of connection…another way for us to communicate without words.”

She moved back into the Latin dance hold, now making direct eye contact with me. I couldn’t help how my eyes roamed over her face, taking in the minor changes in her expression as she spoke. I wasn’t sure if the close proximity of the standard hold or direct eye contact with the Latin hold was worse. They were both a little overwhelming. 

“Alright, let’s try some steps. We can start with the Rumba.” 

She broke away for a moment to show me the foot movement, then had me give it a try. After a successful attempt, she positioned us back into the Latin hold and we began moving together. Once it seemed we had the footwork down, she backed away with a smirk on her face. 

“You’re actually really good at this, you know. We do need to work on eye contact though.”

I smiled nervously as I looked down at my feet and rubbed the back of my neck, “I’m sorry…I know. Direct eye contact is a little weird for me.” I glanced up at her through my lashes, slightly embarrassed by the admission. 

She smiled and arched a brow in my direction, “Really? I never would have guessed that based on your love scenes.”

My eyes widened. I do not need to think about her watching me dick someone down on screen. Focus, Bravo. I chuckled nervously, “Yeah, I’m not usually looking directly into their eyes during those. I tend to stare between their eyebrows.” 

She gave me a sly smile now, snickering, “Oh, is that why you usually look cross eyed then?” 

My brow furrowed as I gave her a mock look of offense, “I don’t look cross eyed. That’s rude.”

She cackled over my response, “I’m joking. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one of your love scenes to know how your face looks.” 

I scrunched up my nose, “Ouch, ok…so you don’t watch my movies. Got it.” 

Her laugh had simmered to a quiet chuckle now as she lightly smacked my shoulder, “I’ve seen some…just not any with a love scene. So don’t be so offended. I’ve seen those TikTok videos though…they gave me a good idea of what I’m working with.”

I rolled my eyes, “Ugh…those fucking TikTok videos. They’re so bad.”  

I had to admit, it was nice to be joking around with her after all the tension that had built up from yesterday. I took it as a good sign that this might actually go ok. What I didn’t expect was the attraction that I was starting to feel as our day went on. However, the obnoxiously sized engagement ring she wore on her finger helped keep that in check every time I saw it sparkling in the light when she moved. As long as that shiny reminder was there, I would be ok... 

Right?

Next: Week 2

✨FUN FACTS: All cast members on Dancing with the Stars are in fact required to get a weekly spray tan. They also do not get to choose their partners, costumes, music, or themes. They can make recommendations obviously, but the producers do not have to honor the requests. When it comes to pairing partners, the producers do have a "formula".

A/N: I wanted to take a quick minute to welcome all of my new and old readers! So happy to have you all with me for my next adventure with Dieter Bravo. For the new folks, I'm a sucker for predictions and theories. If you have them, drop them in the comments so we can discuss. Now on to my normal nonsense...how are you guys feeling about the first chapter? How do you feel about Dieter and Kat's first couple of interactions? What about all the characters that were introduced? I'm curious to know who you want to throat punch more, Alec or Stacia? I'm already in love with these two and I can't wait to share more of them. This Dieter is...something else. I love sharing things from his point of view. He is going to be a good time, as expected. Kat is...kind of a mess, but also not? It's been interesting being in her head. How do you see things progressing with these two? Lastly, a quick thank you to @maggiemayhemnj for giving this first chapter a quick read through to make sure all these plot points were introduced in a way that made sense...because seriously, there is a lot going on here. She also found the perfect disco ball looking dividers for this...and I fucking love them. 😘 👉 I did a fun post about Dieter's plant hobby and his furry visitor. Check it out HERE. 👉 In case you missed it, I also did a character introduction post, which you can find HERE. Until next time, 💜 Mysty

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Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch

[cheesecakeingfriends]

Charlie stumbles upon a gay bar + doesn’t recognize Drag Queen!Pim at first

Charlie x Drag Queen Pim

Charlie started to go to gay bars when he was dating Zoey, actually. She enjoyed drag performers and though he was reluctant at first (a bit of internalized homophobia there) she insisted on the fact they were both bisexual so why not? (Charlie had never used that word, he just told her "I mean, everyone's kinda into guys" and she did the math for him)

After they break up (a mutual thing, kind of "hey, this isn't working, is it?" while cuddling on the couch and they're cool), Charlie keeps going to gay bars just to get drunk. At least that's what he tells himself.

Gays are cooler to be around when you drink, you see. It's... It's a science thing. Google it. No, he's not looking for a hookup, he's just here to drink. Really.

(Not that a lot of men approach him, anyway)

One night he walks into the bar and it's absolutely packed. A drag night, apparently. He even runs into Zoey who is already with a girl??? It's only been like two years, but go off, I guess. Good to know she could replace him so quickly. They're still cool, though. Just... Yeah, that's cool.

Anyway, the club is blasting Dolly Parton??? Curious. That isn't usually the type of music they'd play, even for a drag show.

He can barely see the performer but everyone is going crazy for her. She's small to the point she almost gets lost in the crowd and wearing a big blonde wig and a sparkly country outfit. It's adorable.

He kind of stares mesmerized for a while. And like, it's a normal reaction isn't it? He's never seen an audience go this insane over 9 to 5, so she's got to be pretty exceptional.

"Hey, isn't that Pim?" Zoey suddenly says.

At first Charlie laughs it off. Like, yeah, right, Pim doing drag at a gay bar. But then he looks closer... holy shit, that really is Pim. And Pim has seen him too, losing sense of the stage and falling off it.

Charlie thinks of getting to him, but he doesn't feel like doing the whole "what were you doing at a gay bar?" convo and some of the staff is already helping him, so it's probably alright.

That Monday at the office, he finds out Pim in fact broke his arm, oops

Both are awkward af, completely aware that the other recognized them and also what was that??? But Charlie feels the urge to apologize because yeah, that was probably his fault, he didn't mean to invade or anything.

Pim sits him down and explains that he's been doing drag for about three years? Apparently, he heard Charlie and Zoey gush (I mean, not gush, alpha males don't gush, but you get the point) over a really amazing performer, which made him curious. And next thing he knew he was doing it.

Charlie tells him he's very good and also can't help but comment that he thought he was straight.

Pim reassures him he's straight; he just loves the artform. Charlie says the same.

(Spoiler: they were not straight)

Charlie becomes Pim's biggest fan, he goes to all his performances and insists that he'll kick any dude who makes him uncomfortable's ass (he will most-likely not succeed, but he'll try). Pim finds it super endearing.

Then along comes Pim's gay awakening and he actually starts seeing a guy after his shows.

Charlie is so normal about it.

Of course they end up having a screaming "weren't you straight?"/"weren't *you* straight, Charlie? why do you care so much?" match at the break room.

(Allan hates gay people now.)

Let's just say Pim won't be seeing guys who aren't Charlie for much longer.

[oneatlatime]

The Guru

Happy 2024 everyone and welcome to the first time I managed to type 2024 without first typing 2023! Oh and also a write up of The Guru. That too.

Me too Iroh. Me too.

So Zuko is riding high on that post-crisis 'time to get my life together' buzz that, similar to 3 am life plans, should absolutely not be listened to. Wonder how long before he crashes and burns? There's literally 2 episodes left, so I'm guessing one and a half?

Poor Sokka. My boy's got anxiety.

I don't know if it's a monk thing, an airbender thing, an Avatar thing, or an Aang thing, but I envy his complete lack of nerves.

How is Appa ok with them splitting up for a week after JUST getting them back?

I paused in a funny place. Have bonk-eyed Appa.

I love them comparing heights. What do you want to bet that that guy on the right was one of the youngest allowed to go fight, and Sokka made a big deal about how they're almost the same age and surely that means he can go too, right?

A lot of these Southern Water Tribe people have dreads or braids. That's neat.

Bato's arm is still messed up. That's some good continuity.

I've found the source of Katara's cheek bones. I guess Sokka takes after his mum.

Ok I know this is a really emotional moment (and it is! Sokka's spent two seasons earning this!) but my brain fixated on the furs and briefly thought they were sky bison pelts.

"It's been a difficult week for me." This guy thinks the Kyoshi Warriors are there to provide him therapy. Someone please just crown the bear instead.

He just gave away literally every relevant plot point AND outlined how to make sure all these plot points don't succeed. Crown. The. Bear.

Maybe if these generals spent less time playing with their giant model Earth Kingdom and more time general-ing, the war wouldn't suck so much?

Pretty.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the designs, the colour palette, the music, the sound design of this air temple. I love everything about it. If I had the chance to live anywhere in the Avatar universe, it would be here. Even in its ruined state it's such a refreshing contrast to the claustrophobia of Ba Sing Se. I can feel the freshness of the breeze through the screen.

"A spiritual brother of your people" an adult perspective on a near extinct culture! What a resource!

"and a personal friend of Monk Gyatso" an old as balls perspective. He's got to be at least 130.

Anthropology cul de sac time: this guy is so valuable as a resource on the Air Nomads. There's probably parts of Air Nomad culture that Aang can't ever accurately talk about, because he was a kid when he left, and there was almost certainly stuff that the adults kept to themselves, or only shared with the older Air Nomads. This Guru doesn't seem to be an Air Nomad himself, but there's a good chance that there is knowledge that he has, that Aang doesn't. Aang should be nerding out more about this. I'll do the nerding out for him.

Aang just breezes right by that Gyatso name drop like it's nothing. Huh.

Oh hey Toph. I'd forgotten she was in a box. Tweedle dum and Tweedle dumber really are quite the pair. What's their plan for keeping her fed and watered? Actually, these guys apparently don't know that maps exist, so it's probably never occurred to them that humans need sustenance. They'll rock up to the Bei Fong estate with corpse Toph and wonder why they aren't getting the reward money.

Mai gets called out in-universe for shopping at Hot Topic.

Ty Lee's buttering up of Azula is getting less and less subtle as the season progresses. It's a testament to Azula's lack of awareness that she's hasn't noticed that, and that Ty Lee can get away with it.

Azula's right that it's an extraordinary opportunity. The King gave them quite literally every piece of info required to overthrow his kingdom in a 25 second conversation. I can't blame her for taking advantage of such an easy win.

That's a very effective unimpressed face. And a very impressive beard.

It's funny to see a spiritual concept from the real world pop up in a show that includes things like bending and giant fish possession. The mention of Chakras kind of sticks out. They couldn't invent a Avatar universe version?

"Once you begin this process, you cannot stop until all seven are open." Well that doesn't feel like foreshadowing at all.

This episode should be called "Aang's self-care Journey." It's about time the kid had a me day that wasn't avoidance-based.

Fear: Losing Katara - makes sense. Losing control of his powers via fish possession - makes sense. The Fire Lord - makes sense. But the Blue Spirit? He helped. Doesn't make sense.

Guilt: Running away - makes sense, although I thought he'd worked through that with Katara in the storm. Nuking that idiot General's base - makes sense, but boy did he quite literally ask for it.

This guru is saying some wonderfully accurate, and realistic, things. I love that he's not taking the Katara route of denying anything is wrong. He's going for the acknowledge, then heal route. And yes, it's unfair of me to compare the emotional maturity of Katara to a century+ old spiritual expert.

I'm going to ruin the immersion here and point out that Sokka's dad's voice actor voiced a bunch of characters in season 1. He's doing an excellent job, but couldn't they get a unique voice for a character that's so important (albeit offscreen) to Sokka?

That's an incredibly roundabout way of avoiding pointing out that the Southern Water Tribe are active participants in a bloody war. Sure, we can show multiple characters with visible scarring from horrific burns, but heaven forbid we imply that the Southern Water Tribe sinks ships. The parameters for what is and isn't appropriate on this show sometimes make no sense.

"Aren't you listening? I said the rest of you men get ready for battle." He hasn't seen his boy in two years, but fifteen minutes in his company and he knows exactly what needs to be said and how. That's some top tier parenting. Dad of the year. Dad of the century. Only decent Dad in this show that isn't technically an uncle.

"Follow your passion Zuko, and life will reward you." Great advice for your eight year old audience. Also a great way to end up unemployed.

Positive Sokka creeped me out a few episodes ago. Now positive Zuko is freaking me out too.

Pretty.

Back to Chakras! Shame: Burning Katara - makes sense. But that's it? To have the inner peace of mind of a twelve year old who's somehow only ever done one thing that he's ashamed of.

Is there anyone in the earth kingdom who isn't stupid? Once again wondering at the network's standards. Visible burn injuries are fine, but Mai can't say 'Shut up." It's got to be Shush up. Although I do seem to recall of brief time in the early 2000s when Shut Up was treated as a curse on par with Shit or Fuck. Maybe that was just at my school.

Chakras again! Even for a show that often has an A, B, and C plot, this narrative is ping ponging around a bit much.

Grief: nothing major, just a whole nation. Makes a horrific amount of sense. but I don't buy that he can get over grieving the whole world as he knew it by thinking about his crush. That's way too high a pedestal for Katara to be placed on.

Lies: Not accepting he's the Avatar. Interesting that not accepting that he's the Avatar and not accepting that he's a firebender are two different problems.

I see you reusing the opening credits footage. Your blue filters can't fool me.

PRETTY

Illusion: So we're relearning what we learned in The Swamp. Aang's probably the person currently alive least likely to believe in the rigid separation of the nations anyway. This doesn't feel like an illusion he's subject to?

The way this episode dances between its narrative threads is so great. It's all woven in so beautifully. And this makes perfect sense! Toph's spent her life secretly doing things excellently that everyone says are completely beyond her capabilities. Life has taught her that the statement "you are not able to" doesn't apply. Of course immutable laws of bending physics are treated with the same respect as an adult telling the champion of the Earth Rumble that she's can't earthbend beyond breathing exercises. If you told her that humans can't fly, she'd figure out how within the week.

Plot collision incoming.

Interesting that Katara initially recognises Zuko by his voice rather than his scar.

I'm pretty sure that Zuko and Iroh don't know about the whole brainwashing thing, but wouldn't it be hilarious if Zuko introduced himself to Katara as Joo Dee, and his uncle Joo Dee, welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, can I take your order? That would throw Katara into one hell of a moral quandary.

Katara being framed as the solution for Chakra number four comes back to bite Aang, as she's the problem in Chakra number seven. I knew that pedestal was too high.

I've changed my mind. This episode should actually be called "Half a dozen reasons why everyone should just learn to keep their goddamn mouths shut already."

So is anyone going to let Zuko and Iroh know that they're now in immediate danger and need to leave, like, yesterday?

I think the Guru is going for the whole 'if you love them, let them go, and they'll come back to you' thing. Don't cling, in other words. But for the sake of the plot he's suddenly lost his ability to explain Chakras in a way that makes them seem like the logical thing to do. The only clunky bit of this episode so far.

May I introduce you to our Lord and Saviour Toph?

"I am the greatest earthbender in the world." Yes. Yep. Yeah. That's now a quantifiable fact, and it's correct. Look on ye mighty and despair. She's even got Bumi beat.

Earth Tongue Running is a bit wonky looking but it covers a crazy amount of distance.

What's the range on Toph's earth sense? Can she sense what direction Ba Sing Se is?

I hope those two idiots' horse bird is ok.

"You don't know how much this means to me dad." He does. Very much so.

Every word out of this guy's mouth is precision engineered to make Sokka feel like a million bucks and I for one think it's about time someone built him up. Also, seeing this makes me realise how few good parents there are in this show. It's a trope of kids' adventure shows that the parents fundamentally can't be there, but I also think it's a commentary on yet another thing that this war has messed up.

Hey look! Being a man is knowing where you're needed the most, and right now that's in Ba Sing Se, protecting your sister! I love narratives that tie their themes up with a pretty bow on top.

This is Azula laying a trap, right? Which means that Katara squealed to someone about the exact location of Iroh and Zuko's tea shop. Don't like the implications of that.

Photos taken seconds before disaster.

Final Thoughts

This episode was a lot! I mean that in a good way! But I felt a bit like the Maxell Blown Away Guy, the way I kept getting assaulted by yet another plot thread. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a criticism. I think the switching between plot threads and the amount of info in this episode worked 99% of the time. But I'm kind of in awe at the balancing act the writers pulled off and I'm sort of sitting here blinking a bit trying to fit all this stuff in my head. I'm probably going to forget half the stuff I wanted to talk about in this write up, so here goes nothing.

Given the Azula reveal in at the end of last episode, I thought that this would be the episode where the shit hits the fan. I was wrong. I'm glad I was wrong. An episode of set up is required and is nice breathing room, even an episode as busy as this. And I got to leave Ba Sing Se! But this does mean that next episode is going to be calamity after calamity.

Aang and his Chakras: I'm fascinated by this guru. I hope he comes back. That brings the total number of people who were alive before the war started up to three: Aang, Bumi, Guru Patik.

I'm impressed that the run through of the Chakras rarely felt like an info dump. The onion and banana juice thing didn't work for me, but I'm sure it worked for people in the target age bracket. Kids love burp jokes.

So many shows sprinkle in tragic backstories for flavour and then never have them influence the character in the present. It was a nice contrast to see a show take a whole episode to tell Aang "yeah all that sucked. It's ok to feel down about it. Here's how you move forward."

Sokka and his dad: Love it. Love it so much. I love seeing Sokka built up, and he definitely deserves it, but I wonder if this is the reward for a character arc well done, or the set up for a character arc that's about to start? Is his dad's praise his prize for crossing the finish line, or is it so he's built up with farther to fall?

I loved seeing more of the Southern Water Tribe. I loved the fashion. There's a lot of variety in accessories and variations on a few basic elements like those knee guard things. I loved their hairstyles. I loved how cozy and communal that command tent felt. I loved their ships. I wonder how often these guys work out, that they can make loading ramps that are presumably deployed and stashed out of the way frequently, out of whole logs rather than planks. I have a bone to pick with the child-friendly sea mine. But it provides a good set up for a dad joke, so I'll let it slide.

Zuko and Iroh: Of course the one time Zuko is allowed to be in a good place, it's so that he and Iroh both have farther to fall when the inevitable happens. Poor guy just can't catch a break. I'd be mad at Azula for the party crashing that I'm assuming she'll do next episode, but it's been established that Zuko has all nice things taken away from him as soon as he gets them, and I can't blame Azula for being a tool of the universe.

Azula & Long Feng: Azula's acting in Long Feng's prison cell was miles ahead of what Long Feng was doing in front of the Earth King, so I'm wondering if Long Feng has bitten off more than he can chew. Also: conspiring with the enemy to bring down your own city just so you can reinstall yourself as the power behind the throne that will presumably cease to exist as soon as the Fire Nation takes control? That is both treasonous beyond description and an incredible case of shooting yourself in the foot. What's Long Feng's plan here?

Toph and the Dunderheads: it says something about the consistency of Toph's characterisation from her introduction onwards that she breaks the universe this episode and my reaction was "that's neat." It's obviously a huge moment, but of course Toph can do that. Toph can do anything. More importantly, Toph knows that Toph can do anything, so Toph routinely does do anything, especially things she shouldn't be able to do. If you had asked me a few episodes back which character would be most likely to fundamentally redefine bending, I would have said Toph, since she's already fundamentally redefined bending with her earth sense sonar vision.

Also Toph just breaks stuff. Things that come into contact with her cease to function as intended and instead function as Toph requires. Look at the two idiots: both successful business owners, one also a successful hoodwinker of the richest family around. But they come into contact with Toph and their brains take an extended vacation.

Katara & the Generals: this plot was more like an extension of Azula's plot than its own standalone thing. You can't blame her for spilling the news about Zuko and Iroh to someone she honestly thought was Suki. Not much else to say about it, although it's cute that she asks for a table for two at the tea shop. Momo gets a chair!

I like that there's a theme this episode of things going wrong despite the best intentions. No one's acting maliciously here apart from the Antagonists. The Earth King is having an honest chat with people he thought were friends. Sokka vouched for people he honestly thought were the Kyoshi Warriors. Katara shares information about a presumed threat with people she honestly thought were her allies. You can quibble with the wisdom of some of these decisions, but there were all done with good intentions. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry and all that. It brings to mind that Star Trek quote about how you can do everything right and still lose. And this set up is going to hit harder when whatever goes wrong next episode happens. And something will go wrong. A few months ago I figured that the Season 2 finale would be a triumph, but all signs are pointing towards a tragedy instead.

This episode was visually stunning, the soundtrack in the Air Temple sections especially was very evocative, and I applaud the minds that could juggle that many plot threads at once without dropping any. This one is definitely going on my rewatch list.

[ananke-xiii]

(I forgot about this one, my drafts are as messy as I am, help)

"Lucifer Rising", insane episode.

(posts about "Lazarus Rising" and "The Rising Son" are all related to my series about resurrections but I'm making a total mess out of my drafts and notes so there is no real structure for my ramblings to be honest, I will have to give them some sort of order... at one point... one day.... yeah, in the future I'll do... that)

Okay first of all, let's go off topic: one day I'll have to talk about convents and nuns and demons and how they all had a big hand into the downfall of the Winchester's and Campbell's families. St Mary's Convent, St Bonaventure Convent really seem to be where the party's at. Also, huge missed opportunity for my babygirl femme fatale Abaddon cause they could have made her lurking among nuns trying to discover in what convent Lucifer was in jail or something... I don't know, I'm just saying that the dots were thematically connecting.

Second off topic: one day I'll have to talk about the fact that Zachariah really said:

Zachariah: Our grunts on the ground -- we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?

I don't know about you but I really wanted to see low-level angels rebelling againt senior management. This also reinforces my idea that, deep down, all angels are really just like Lucifer and it was precisely Lucifer's rebellion that set into motion the brainwashing and the Naomis and the bible camps etc.

And since we're here, third and last off-topic: one day I'll also have to talk about the difference between paradise and heaven and destiny and doom, cause heaven in Supernatural is literally not paradise but it's more like a jail or something so it totally tracks that angels wanted paradise on earth, while destiny always has this negative meaning related to "doom" and thus to "apocalypse", like destiny and apocalypse are so intertwined in Supernatural I'll have to think about that.

Back to resurrection now: Lucifer is rising, guys. Following Chuck's warped passion for symmetry for a rising character that comes... a rising character must go. This means, therefore, that Castiel must die. The Lazarus in"Lazarus Rising" is, then, totally Castiel but no worries! Being a Lazarus is a good thing cause, you know, it means he will resurrect, good for him. Maybe.

I also want to point out how Dean's "You're dead to me" in s14 echoes what he tells Castiel in this episode:

Dean: …soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.

For some reason both times Castiel is very shocked by these words, clearly he's not scared of dying but he doesn't like the idea to be dead to Dean. I find it very interesting because it's precisely that, being dead to Dean, that will start Cas' most important (to me) resurrection in the show. Cas' resurrection in s13 didn't happen because of God or Ezekiel, it happened because of Dean.

Moving on. Castiel out, Lucifer in (momentarily) already tells us a lot. If we had any doubts Lucifer dispels them in "Abandon All Hope..."

Lucifer: Castiel. I don't understand why you're fighting me, of all the angels. I rebelled, I was cast out. You rebelled, you were cast out. Almost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what? You're their new public enemy number one. We're on the same side, like it or not, so why not just serve your own best interests? Which in this case just happen to be mine?

Lucifer sees himself in Castiel and he knows what's next for Cas and his affiliation with Heaven: nothing good.

But Lucifer interestingly also tries to appeal to Sam in the same way and in the same exact episode:

Lucifer: I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand. I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael—Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar?

Lucifer is drawing parallels between him and Cas and Sam (you of all angels, you of all people) and, in so doing, he's also drawing a parallel between Cas and Sam.

It's no coincidence, then, that in later seasons Jack will be so central to Sam and Cas' stories and why, in my humble opinion, the show should have focused on these two relationships to resolve Lucifer's storyline.

The thing that really separates Sam and Cas from Lucifer is that... they both don't idolize their Father as much as Lucifer idolizes God (and Michael). To be honest with you, I personally don't see Cas as an angel who loves his father That Much (he has that in common with Raphael, too bad that they don't see eye to eye). He wanted love for sure, Cas is a heart character through and through, but not necessarily his father's love. He's not happy about him being absent and never replying to any of his calls but I love that he's like: "fuck them kids and fuck you too God, I'll just have to become God myself", lol. Angels like Metatron and Lucifer idolized God way more than he did. Not for nothing one of Castiel's fatal flaw is his hubris. A hubris that's, perhaps, way worse than Lucifer's. Of course, the difficult relationship of Sam and John is one of the pillars of the whole series and the Problems with the Post-mortem Idolization of John Winchester are basically what keep the series going.

What sets Sam and Cas apart is, on the other hand, that, even though Sam acts like a softened version of his father with Jack he's still archetypically a son, just like Lucifer will always be ("I was a son"). This is what I gathered from "The Rising Son", an episode that's precisely about the fact that Jack, Sam and Lucifer are, again archetypically speaking, still Sons. Cas, on the other hand, not so much. Just like Dean, he never was a son, he never served the function of the Son in the story. He leaned more on the archetype of the Companion and/or the Father.

Nevermind the archetypes, it's still interesting to notice how the two characters defined by the adjective "rising" find their meeting point in Jack, the rising son himself and how both Lucifer and Castiel are intrinsically connected to the people they resurrect and the people who (willingly or not) resurrect them. All things considered, Cas had to say "yes" to Lucifer just like Sam did. When Sam and Cas play volleyball about who's responsible for letting Lucifer out from the cage in s11... that, that was interesting. They really should have explored that. Plus, the Crowley of it all, of course.

[justenjoythegossip]

Would it be more “acceptable” if Chris & Abba were exclusively PR?

Chris’ performative political activism

Whether Chris and Abba are a real legitimate couple with a PR spin or exclusively PR, Chris’ political activism has proved to be totally performative. It’s one thing to fight for equality and injustice when it is beneficial to your image, it’s another to do it when voicing that opinion can be costly. Look at Melissa Barrera who expressed her opinion, stuck to her guts and lost the role she is most famous for. Look at Brendan Fraser who refused to stay silent and paid such a heavy price after speaking out on his being sexually assaulted. It took him years to come back and finally take home a much deserved Oscar for his acclaimed performance in the Whale. 

Chris’ persona and brand were utterly destroyed when he was linked to that fat-shaming racist antisemitic Nazi sympathizing girl. The most aggravating part of this PR shitshow is that by accepting to be officially in a “RS” and then be “married” to her, he has helped put her in the spotlight, which was his first mistake. Look at Dylan O’Brien who is in a real relationship with someone extremely problematic as well. They are rather discreet. If Chris and Abba had behaved like a real private couple, if Abba would have stayed in the shadow, then the backlash would have been kept to a minimum. Also by agreeing to this, Chris helped clean her image. Knowing what she has shown to the world publicly, it’s all the more egregious to see the media portraying her as this smart talented great humanitarian who speaks 5 languages and who has perfect eyebrows. The gaslighting is unbearable. 

Of course, Chris has famously said that the industry makes you do things that you don’t want to do. But it is an excuse. It’s a rationalization. The truth is that he had a choice. For sure the two options he was offered probably sucked but he still had a choice. Nobody forced this on him. And he knew the optics were terrible. That’s why he didn’t come back to Twitter, that’s why he took so much distance from his political project ASP. It would have been too hypocritical to be vocal and to be lecturing people when he, himself, was connected to someone that represents what he is allegedly fighting against. 

When he did that infamous asp chat about racism and antisemitism, it wasn’t random. It was very likely a test to monitor the reaction of his fans. This is probably why they left all those negative comments. They wanted to know if Chris had been forgiven...

If their “RS/marriage” was exclusively PR, would that absolve him somehow?  

Certain mods have expressed the opinion that if Chris and Abba were a real legitimate couple, it would be much worse and then they couldn’t support Chris anymore. I don’t mean to judge or criticize anyone’s opinion by the way, especially since I think some of those mods are good, well-intentioned people and I love reading their take on things but I am just trying to ask questions here. 

What is implied here is that it’s ok and preferable to compromise yourself if it’s meant for your career.  And it’s true that we are taught from the earliest age that we have to succeed. Whatever the cost may be. We must have friends, have a career, have money, have a family, have a house… So much emphasis on having and so little on being. This is the darker side of the American dream, it puts way too much importance on money and success. And if you can’t achieve those goals then you are considered to be worthless. Nihilism starts right there. If you are nothing, it’s a lot easier to give up on your morals and ethics… 

To get back to Chris. Yes he’s had an amazing career, the kind of career most actors would kill for. But it’s easy to relate to being terrified to lose what you have and what you have always wanted. I guess the desperation must be unbearable if you have defined yourself by your professional success and you see that things start slipping away from you. And by his looks and demeanor, people can tell he has struggled with it. Although it might be an act of course. But I choose to believe that it’s genuine and that he really feels guilty about it.   

But wouldn’t love make this situation more “acceptable”?

If Chris and Abba were exclusively PR, then it would signify that Chris compromised himself and his beliefs for his career, for roles, for money and for power. 

But wouldn’t it be actually “preferable” and “more acceptable” to compromise yourself out of love? 

Love can be so powerful and nonsensical that certain people have lost their ways because of it. People have betrayed their partners or spouses, some have abandoned their own children because of it. Heck, people have even killed out of passion. And we sometimes free those people in a court of law when a jury decides that the criminal was so blinded by love and passion that they were unable to distinguish right from wrong. We call it temporary insanity! 

If Chris had genuinely fallen in love with Abba (I don’t believe it by the way) to the point of being blind to her problematic stuff, would that be really worse or wouldn’t that serve as more mitigating circumstances? I am merely asking a question: compromising yourself for money and roles is it better than compromising yourself out of love? Did we actually become too cynical? Too materialistic? 

Chris and his treatment of Abba and how it is reflective of our society…

Regardless of what we might think of Abba (and for sure we don’t have a good opinion of her), Chris has treated her very poorly. And this doesn’t reflect well on him. 

Indeed he has done the absolute bare minimum to sell this, has never even said her name once, he has acted all ashamed most times she was nearby, has thrown shade (see the GQ interview where he implied she was judgmental), he has kept repeating how much he likes to be alone and how his dog is his true soulmate. He even said while allegedly being with her that he was looking for a partner to spend the rest of his life with. Ouch!

Of course, people who know about her problematic stuff will have trouble having any kind of empathy for her but that doesn’t make it ok. 

Chris has agreed to this PR shitshow so tacitly he has accepted that Abba is good enough for these PR games and he has accepted to use her. So he should treat her with a minimum of respect. Otherwise he shouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place.  

And it’s very symptomatic of our society these days. With the propaganda pushed by the mass media, we are taught that it’s ok to hate on people as long as they are horrible human beings. And similarly we have seen so many mods troll and comment on Abba‘s appearance as if it was even relevant. Just because someone is horrible, it doesn’t give you a license to behave the same way. Otherwise you become the very same thing you are criticizing. 

[checkoutmybookshelf]

From Criminial Mastermind to Fairy Tale Hero: The End of Artemis Fowl

Here we are, everyone: The final Artemis Fowl book. It has been a journey revisiting the first series I was old enough to follow and fandom, and it's wild to me that we're finally at the end. Especially since I picked up the first Artemis Fowl book in late elementary school (I'm genuinely not sure when though, because the first book came out in April of 2001, when I was in fifth grade and it's very possible I didn't pick the book up until sixth grade, which would have put me at 11, same age as Artemis in that first book) and the final book came out in 2012, when I was in my junior year of undergrad. So at that point, Artemis, Holly, and Butler had been part of my life for a long time. And now here we are, to say goodbye to them again after this leisurely re-listen/read. Let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian.

Artemis grew and changed so much across eight books, which makes sense because holy cow do kids change a LOT between 11 and 15. We get so busy living life in those years that we don't really think about how much we truly learn and grown between prepubescence and full-on teenagerhood, but that is a time of massive change, and I think that more than anything else really justifies how Artemis goes from a chillingly vampiric child to a teenager with enough compassion and empathy to understand that sometimes the right choice is a heroic self-sacrifice for the people that your people (both humans and the people, in this case) love. Artemis also did a really interesting version of that thing so many teenagers do where they hit a point where they can't just phone in their abilities anymore and have to actually put effort in, but for Artemis it was emotional rather than intelligence. And yet even when making said heroic sacrifice, we have the absolutely beautiful callback to the end of book one, where Artemis drugs his mother, Butler, and Juliet to keep them from being harmed by the bio-bomb. To stop Holly from preventing him from stopping Opal, Artemis sedates her. The more things change, the more they stay the same...

Except where best villain ever Opal Koboi is concerned. By this book, Opal is so disconnected from reality that she is willing to risk literally going nuclear to escape captivity, and then just...casually sparks off the apocalypse because if there is one thing our girl wants, it's to be Empress of the World, and if that means using spirit zombies and an ancient fairy doomsday device, then I guess it's a good thing she's already versed in black magic. Or something. Opal is fully and completely off the rails at this point, and if you catch yourself referring to yourself as "Mommy" in reference to the spirits of several scores of ancient elven berserkers who would--barring a geas--murder you for it, you might want to stop and take a long, hard look at your life choices. And maybe don't forget that you've cloned yourself, because that's the kind of little detail that can completely ruin your chances of being Empress of the World.

Holly quite possibly deserves every medal that exists for managing to drag Artemis's extremely out-of-shape butt through increasingly dangerous and high-stakes missions while navigating fairy politics and *checks notes* breaking up with her commanding officer after a disastrous date where they both got kicked out of a crunchball match. (And once again...HOW DARE Colfer leave this in exposition and not show us this amazing disaster of a date!?!?) Holly has also just been through the emotional wringer with Artemis and every time he decided to double-cross or lie by omission to bring off a plan and every time he does something infuriatingly human that drives up her blood pressure and yet makes the mission succeed. And then she has to sit there and watch him die to save humans and fairies. Seriously, the fact that Holly Short is a functional being rather than a hot mess is nothing short of a miracle.

And then we come to Butler. Long-suffering, super fucking over it, broken-hearted Domovoi Butler. Artemis got DAMN lucky that the whole "put my spirit in a clone of me" plan panned out, because if it hadn't, Holly was entirely correct: Butler would never have recovered. Butler and Opal might be my two favorite characters in the entire series at this point. That's not where I started--for a very long time, Holly was my favorite character, and Commander Root still gets an honorable mention--but as a grown-ass adult (I'm not doing that math for you, if you want to know that I'm old, you do the math), I cannot escape how dedicated, competent, kind, and just AWESOME Butler is. I feel like the vibe here is very similar to the thing that happens when you watch Sound of Music as a kid and either Maria or one of the kids is your favorite character, but when you come back to it as an adult, Captain Von Trapp is EVERYTHING (RIP Christopher Plummer, we loved you). Butler has a similar vibe but in a different genre.

So, I was an adult and had enough experience of watching fandoms to see the mixed reactions to this book being released. People were sad the series was ending, people were disappointed because the series had seemingly drifted, and people loved it. My reaction was pretty mixed, because I had a lot going on, I knew there were good things here but I was also kind of missing the heisty, criminal mastermind vibes, but also OPAL KOBOI. So I was pretty unsure how to feel about this book when it came out, and then I didn't reread it for literal years because I went to grad school.

Returning to this book now, I have suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch respect for how Colfer tied up the series and how he pulled off a new Irish mythological cycle, but updated for the twenty-first century. I have enough life on me to appreciate the changes Artemis goes through, and enough literature degrees to have a new and deeply fulfilling perspective on the series structure. Last Guardian is not my favorite book of the series--it's not even in the top three--but I think that what it does is genuinely impressive and I love how you can finish this book and go instantly back into the OG Artemis Fowl. The story does not, strictly speaking, have to end. And that is a vibe I can 100% get behind.

I deeply love the Artemis Fowl books, and I cannot recommend the series enough. They have so many strengths, are incredibly well-written, and they live rent-free in my head even now as an adult.

[wildpeachfarm]

this is meant lighthearted : instead of “all men are trash, women do no wrong” a secret third thing “PEOPLE suck in general”

as someone who grew up with an absent father who tried to make life difficult for my mother once she took him to court for child support for me and my siblings - ing…I grew up with a not nice view of older men BUT my grandpa was a big big influence in not making men a negative experience for us.

the recent shift of the last 4-5 years has been worrying. I used to liked jkr and could emphasize where she was coming from originally. but it was scary to see the gradual descent into where she is now and the stuff she is saying. Bc she is so far removed from what she originally stood for. It can happen to anyone, I even get worried if I’m on that slope sometimes. This whole situation had me second guessing myself bc I gave gnf time and believed in him. I had a moment when a few female creators made remarks (not from mc community) and I checked myself bc I was scared I was falling into the conservative rhetoric to blame women and protect men. Then I saw others who had more information and actually looked into it and also found this blog where the nuances were being discussed and let out a breath of relief that I was just using my critical thinking skills lmao

There are so many men out there who just aren’t given a chance bc society is set up for them to fall into a certain role. And I think a lot of men are trying to break that role and stereotypes. I became a dream fan bc I saw him doing this, saw a gamerboy in 2020 who was passionate and excelled at the game but didn’t fall into the toxicity of the space, actively fought against it.

and women should not be encouraged to drag men through hell bc they feel empowered by the rhetoric of recent years. women can and are just as selfish and shitty people as men. Sometimes they are worse

we’ve gone so far off center, we’ve essentially gone from one extreme to another. Which I learned two years ago was called terfs 😂 the movement needs to go back to its previous meaning. Feminism is not solely female empowerment it is the deconstructing of the patriarchal roles and belief that push men and women into boxes. Feminism, as I was taught over a decade ago, was the fight for women and MEN to be equal and have the same rights and opportunities. We can uplift women without putting down men. if this feminist movement doesn’t correct itself, it will allow more men like andrew tate to grow and influence young men.

The lack of female representation in the sphere cannot be corrected by women. It just can’t. Men need to be part of the change bc if the environment is not corrected, women cannot succeed and thrive. They can become successful but the hate and obstacles directed towards them is crazy. This is in general not just for streaming.

It can’t just be women solidarity, men need to learn and actively engage in calling out misogynist behavior. Women need to talk with their males friends and call them out when they say or act in disgusting ways. Women need to hold women accountable as well! It is unfair and unattainable to put female equality solely in the hands of women. We need to All work together.

Puffy is so good at this when she streams, especially on the smp. Hell, she even created a whole villain arc to call out the people telling her to “be a therapist to Tommy, omg your like dreams mom”. Puffy is awesome 🥹

men =/ bad

women =/ good

PREACH ANON

this breaks it all down so well and i really sympathize with you about having a poor view of some men in your life and trying to not let that influence your views but also not go so far off the other end that you end up blindly defending them without critical thinking.

Really important discussions and introspection about how your thought processes work that I think everyone should have at least once when situations like this come up

[tgrailwar-zero]

Ech.

Hey, old man? Sorry about all this. There's definitely some of us in here that object to... well, all this.

I'm sorry for the trouble we're about to cause you, as well. Believe me or don't, it doesn't change the fact that I am. But as I said, we don't have a choice. Struggle all we like, we cannot escape our curse.

If this goes the way it went before, you'll just be another someone to "kill" us. Then, I wager, the curses that bind us will just drip and drain and collect back together, and we'll be back where we started. Unable to die. If we were that easy to kill, we would've never been such a dreaded monster.

I could think of two ways to free us. The thing that did this to us dies...

... or "Bennosuke" cuts us down.

It has to be her. Her blades reached the apex. She could sever our karma. She could free us.

I couldn't ask the her who called us friend. I couldn't burden her like that, even if my voice reached her. But "Bennosuke" is a stranger to us. She wouldn't regret pointing her swords at us.

Honestly, it's selfish. Our severance would not dispel the thing that made us. It would simply become someone else's burden. But at least this one meager voice is tired of being the monster.

...

...

You seem a good man, Sir Blacksmith. I'm sorry, but our curse also made us unable to hear your name.

Perhaps it's late for courtesies, but... as a monster, we were called The Interlopers. As a being that wants to escape that fate, we go by the Patchwork Gestalt.

If you do manage to succeed where heroes and legends failed... if you do cut us down, and actually free us... you can pick the name that goes on our grave. I'm too tired to object, anymore...

You all are sort of… obscenely bad at being evil. Truly, never a faster way to knock the wind out of the sails of a good person fighting for something righteous than to just get really sad about it.

BLACKSMITH: "…"

BLACKSMITH: "…"

BLACKSMITH: "…"

I mean... how is someone supposed to respond to something like that? Do you know? I'm great with people and I don't have a clue.

BLACKSMITH: "…You're just sort of pathetic, ain't ya? If you make your essence miserable, it'll spread like a mold, you know that? I'm gettin' the feelin' that killin' you would put that 'mold' on my blades, and I'd have to scrap 'em."

He finally managed to put a cohesive thought together, after a lot of thought. He didn't sheath his katana, but he did lower it, seeming more... confused? Perturbed? Disquieted? Pick your poison.

He didn't know what in the world you were talking about, as usual, but you certainly seemed much less threatening.

BLACKSMITH: "I guess."

BLACKSMITH: "I'm sorry, once the kid started grabbing her head in pain, I was more concerned about her than whatever the hell you had to say."

BLACKSMITH: "But... fine. I'll take you to her. You'll say your bit. But if she says 'no' and you try any funny business, and I'll cut your head straight off. Got that?"

He turned around, walking down the street paths. You approached the shop that the children and Bennosuke were in, noticing that the doorway was littered with the carcasses of slaughtered monsters.

You heard the eighth chime.

You entered as she was in the middle of telling a story to the children, calming them down in this period of distress. Her expression lightened as she saw the Blacksmith, but then suddenly darkened as she saw who was accompanying him, jumping to her feet.

She quickly drew her katana, stepping in front of the children and keeping her stance- ready to strike at any moment.

BENNOSUKE: "Gramps…"

BLACKSMITH: "They wanna 'talk'. I ain't plannin' on makin' a habit of stuff like this, but I figured a chance would be fine. Still, I told 'em any funny business and I was cuttin' them down. I guess you could too. Whichever sword gets there first."

BENNOSUKE: "…That so? Alright, fine."

[apopcornkernel]

been thinking too hard about my batman mob au. so i would like to share it. this is so long im sorry let me put it under a cut

i want to begin by saying that i think the only way bruce could feasibly become a mob boss is if he was able to be swayed to see that "clean" methods would genuinely do no good and in fact succeed in achieving more harm due to how much corruption and crime permeates the system. i think it would take a LOT to convince bruce of this, so he's kind of the hardest character to put in a mob au. however for the sake of fun we will suspend our disbelief a little bit!

okay, moving on, alfred: he's long been proven to be bruce's biggest enabler. i think he would get over it and end up helping him as he does as batman

as for dick: ooh boy. okay. so first of all i DO think bruce would let him kill zucco. however!! i think as dick grows up within the mob his strong code of morals will also begin to conflict with the lifestyle. but he's stuck there because bruce. insert all those posts about how dick grayson loves freedom and he also loves bruce and those things are at constant war with each other and because he loves bruce he sometimes clips his own wings. etc etc. i think he is the talia al ghul of this whole sitch if you get what i mean

speaking of talia!!! i believe her father would still be at odds with bruce bc yes, bruce is in crime, but bruce refuses to join with the league. so they semi-preserve their canon dynamic, except i think there's more opportunity for cooperation between talia and bruce considering talia's lexcorp era. in fact i do believe that lexcorp and waynecorp would become business allies during talia's time as ceo

but jason isn't dead. what his kidnappers hoped to do was turn him against his benefactor, taunt him about how it's been months and bruce still hasn't been able to save him, had refused to save him. but one night the door's left ajar and the sound of the TV drifts in, talking about how bruce is waging a bloody gang war, the first he's ever instigated, and jason... well. :)

as for jason—i think he would be the most loyal of the bunch. the first thing i actually dreamed up wrt this AU was a reimagining of ditf/utrh! in here, he's kidnapped by a rival gang. they demand bruce an impossible ransom, and bruce has no choice but to refuse. so bruce is sent a video of jason being killed.

"but poppy," you ask. "where's babs? tim? steph? cass? helena? jpv?" ok let's be real people aren't usually asking about the last 2 rip my babygirls BUT ANYWAYS—

the most important figure is HELENA. in the absence of batman, guess who's becoming the foremost protector of gotham??? EXACTLY. HELENA BERTINELLI. her whole backstory is that she wants to bring organized crime down SO WHO BETTER TO BE THE MAIN ENEMY IN A BATMAN MOB AU.

also because i love her.

im not biased i swear.

ALSO HER FIRST "ROBIN" (not necessarily named robin i just mean like. sidekick) IS JAMES COOPER FROM CAVALIERI'S HUNTRESS. CHUCK DIXON I HAVE NOT FORGIVEN YOU FROM ERASING HIM FROM MAIN CONTINUITY. he doesn't go out into the field that much bc he's still baby but he's the oracle before oracle. although when he does go into the field he's like. remember in cavalieri huntress where he was scurrying arohnd in the sewers and planting fucking grenades and shit. yeah.

later on he and babs will be best buddies <3 babs is his favorite aunt

ALSO!!! the rest of james' family will still be alive. idgaf. it's MY au and i can randomly reveal that his family has been alive all along IF I WANT TO. comic writers stop killing black people off for shock value challenge 2k24

also, james is ABSOLUTELY the one who wheedled helena into making a lair

babs does join the fray still! her story arc is mostly the same except that she partners with the huntress instead of batman. their ages are closer together so it's a slightly different dynamic

tim will remain a civilian. he will, however, be a very helpful civilian, in that he's the one who's stalking dick grayson & trying to prove that dick's involved in organized crime. him and dick will have the saddest tragickest "we could've been brothers. but not in this life. not ever." type of relationship. like jaderoy but platonic.

also tim & helena will have the same littlebrothernephew relationship that they have in canon 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

i guess jpv will get roped in in a similar way to canon, but the idea of bane doing what he did to helena makes me so so sad :( however since she is taking batman's narrative space in this story then i think it should still proceed. i will then also insert a little bit of the vichelena agenda here—

in the wake of bane, JPV WILL STILL STEP IN AS HUNTRESS. "but they'll know he's not a woman" COWARDS. just give him a dye job and he'll look like helena. all white people look the same. he can pad the fucking suit or he can get the fuck out.

as for steph, she will absolutely be a vigilante alongside the huntress. her father is still cluemaster, after all, so she'll follow a similar arc to canon except it's helena and not bruce that she'll develop a complex mentor relationship with!!

i think helena can see a little of herself in steph. i think part of helena envies steph's moral compass also. iirc at steph's age, helena still thought her mafia family was okay & that it was just the people who killed them that were bad. yet steph, who's half her age, has no such illusions about her father, and is already fighting to try and bring him down

cass!!!! cass will still come to gotham!!!!! i can't see a way for cass to be on bruce's side in this au simply bc of how strong her morals are. she killed a man and never ever wanted to kill again, even with shiva where it was kill or be killed, she had already made up her mind to let herself be killed in the end. so she is going to be on the vigilante side :]

also, it would be amazing for me personally if cass came to gotham during azbats (...azhuntress?) era. ohhh lord. a situation RIPE for incredible interactions

i still haven't read damian & duke comics properly yet so that's going to have to be added in the future. but that's what's been rattling around in my brain so far!

[sssammich]

🪤

box of super pairings for the ask game? :D

oh crap

wrong box

📦

there it is!

lmaooooo alright alright let me think

as usual, read more because i went overboard

the blanket statement that i will say is that kara is not sg's Little Black Dress for me. that, if you couldn't tell, falls on lena luthor. her character just feels more adaptable without having to, like, manufacture Legitimate Reasons to put people in the same room. also, in a highly biased lens, she's my favorite character so she's the barbie i'd wanna have everyone play with.

back to kara: her pool is small because i think it's specifically because of the fact that kara is actually a rather Particular Character so her pool of candidates for romantic partners is small. can you make it work with any of the others, no matter how far or close they are to her canonically? yeah of course, duh. but for me, it's all about how much more work it takes for me to get there. and the reality is that it takes a lot of work for me to get there, i guess

superguardian (or kara/winn) - NO

i mean i think they fumbled that bag so i don't feel inclined to pick it back. the potential is there, but i think the larger disservice to james' character as a whole means that i now have to work twice as hard to get to where i would want for it. which is to say i don't want much of it in the first place. 2 be frank, het ships have potential and it's not like i automatically hate them but it just doesn't bring me joy im so sorry

i do think the existing friendship though works well enough for me the same way that kara/winn also works well enough for me. for all my feelings about s6, i did like their little s1 crew reunion before the SuperfriendsTM truly became what it was, i guess kara and the boys could have truly been a Unit, and for a time, it was

kara and william - NO

here's my thing

the way that lena doesn't know how friendships work and has slept with her three friends, kara doesn't know how friendships work with male coworkers and should not be dipping in company ink. like why is that your immediate dating pool? i know it's because your life is working 2 jobs, but maybe consider not having your one and only dating pool at work (unless of course you've shared a compelling starcrossed lovers family history, in which case, by all means that shit is delicious)

kara and brainy - NO

let kara be friends with guys who want nothing to do with her romantically and brainy succeeds in this so good job

not just because i want to only ship kara with a woman; if anything, i don't have the same issue about shipping kara with a man as i do with lena lmaooo i think it's because she DOES come across as super straight on the show. my headcanons of course have kara a bit more butch, definitely gayer, but from watching her on the show, she's pretty Heterosexual lol

i'd like to headcanon that brainy is the kind of brother figure that i think kara would have wanted with kal. if kal wasn't so much older than him and didn't reach earth before she did. kara has such intense younger sibling vibes that it would have been interesting to get Order Sister vibes from her

kara and monel - NO

i don't care about mon-el LMAO

but! kara and imra is an interesting enough rarepair im happy 2 play with. here's what i'll say: dolly parton's 'jolene' but the gay reading of it

superrojas - YES, BUT

i think it's possible, if you believe in yourself enough (which i do). but i think the Effort required for it requires jumping through a few hoops. the difference between superguardian is that i'm focusing on the ladies. anyway i think their getting together literally needs lena as a connection point. first of all, they exist as canonical foils to lena; the betrayal, the reconciliation, etc etc. lena's best friends who independently broke her heart. there's solidarity there, there's camaraderie there. while lena is getting her happy ending with sam (lol), i think andrea and kara can find love due to the love they lost. the recognition across the table from each other can be fertile ground on what not to do, how not to hurt or be hurt. and i think it's a relationship that exists outside of what's traditional or typical, which i think the both of them are kind of afraid of. because i think the both of them care for that and their potential relationship would exist outside of that and people might not understand it, but they would understand each other. admittedly, one of the hiccups is the differences in their station in life. as i mentioned in the lena-version of this ask meme, lena and andrea are literally just in the freakin .05% of society and so their class status in life is so different from kara. andrea hosts galas and swanky parties and kara rents dresses. the discrepancy of 'from opposite side of the tracks' would be more apparent, which is funny because kara is decidedly middle class LMAO in any case, i also think it can still happen though, in very particular circumstances, especially if we're to focus on a version without lena. and that is actually if i put on a more serious lens to their work dynamics. i think some power imbalance exists there that feels more reasonable to overcome than kara and cat, at least for me. this is where enemies to lovers could really be something here

kara with sam, kelly, or nia - mmm idk i think it literally has to take A Very Specific Instance

for sam: i just don't believe sam would put up with kara's bullshit at all. she has a child already ya feel me? i do think there are opportunities to make this work before the reveal and rift happens. post-rift, though?god sam just doesn't seem the type to forgive on lena's behalf. so it would feel like such an insurmountable barrier to overcome. if i'm not stuck on canonical events, i do think it can happen just by virtue of their personalities. they hit similar emotional beats and function in the Supportive and Loyal departments

for nia: i'll say never say never, but i think they are better off as friends. i think platonic commitment to being friends and to be calling her out on her bullshit is the name of the game. the mentorship between kara and nia could be extended in a way that really puts her to think about her Role and Leadership seriously, both at work (catco) and at work (superheroing). the mentorship is there, but i need kara to step up a bit more, to go beyond her punch first, think later. what is the cost of being a reporter? of being a superhero? as both at the same time? nia is literally following in her footsteps, so how can she make it better for the person after her?

for kelly: i guess for me, i'd want to know who is kelly outside of kara? i think she'll also call kara out with her bullshit, but i would want the military and vigilante tension and the larger understanding of sacrifice and justice to exist as tension points. let them war about it. but otherwise, i think kara just needs more female role models.

supercorp - YES

obviously, i have established that i do

but for a more thoughtful answer, i think for me the biggest thing here is that i just honestly love how their lives are intertwined already, simply by being collateral to the feud of their male relatives. before they knew each other, the lines have been drawn between them. come to find out that they're trying to cancel out the friction between lex and clark and be better than them? let me gobble that shit up. but also, the chemistry between them is great, even with the betrayal. to be the friend who broke lena luthor to such a degree as to seek revenge on behalf of the world? like, who else is doing it like them? they also just have chemistry and history with each other, the foundation for a relationship that, if nothing else, carve themselves in each other's souls, you know? the truth is this: it's like when one partner cheated on the other partner and they have to crawl back out of the hell they fell into to see if there's still a future with them. kara can be stubborn enough to try and go for it (as i choose to believe despite the wrong lesson she learned of washing her hands of her impact on lena) and lena, like i've established before, needs the kind of painful grit to know she's alive. that's so emo and melodramatic, but there needs to be a challenge or struggle of some sort for lena to exist. smooth sailing through and through would hurt her more than help her.

the point is that there are parallels to their lives that i think are interesting to jump off from, but i also think the dynamic of sinner against sinner, perpetrator and victim, friends to enemies to friends to lovers is so good for them

there are others probably but my brain is mushy now so just send it if you remember it

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 36

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35

The day dawns, and Ava and I go down for breakfast. A little before we left, I reached out and invited Raaden and Ginny to eat too. As we come downstairs to the dining room, they are already there, siting.

"Why did you invite us to your office so early today Melody?" Raaden laughs as she takes a sip of tea. Huh. I guess I do a lot of business in the morning during or right after breakfast. I can't help it, morning is when I get the most done.

"I've got some news for both of you, but first lets eat." Raaden and Ginny share a look before breakfast is brought out and we tuck in.

Breakfast is probably my favorite meal of the day. Even here on the Reach where we're thousands of light-years from a good egg or oats I can find delicious breakfast foods to eat. I've always liked sharing a meal with others, and to have friends around the table makes the meal that much more enjoyable.

After breakfast, the staff clears the table and brings out fresh tea and a coffee for me. "All right. Raaden, Ginny. We've discussed things and we are wondering if you'd both like to become Builders?"

Ginny squeals and practically jumps out of her chair "Yes! Yes, thank you Empress, thank you!"

Raaden blinks in surprise. She inclines her head slightly. "Are you sure Melody? You know who I am, you know who I used to represent. If words get home that you're siding with me, it'll mean trouble for you."

Ava looks up from her tea at Helen. "Raaden, you've been here with us for a few months now and not only has there been no word from Venus, but you have shown yourself to be a model resident, helpful and interested, as well as having good insight and good instincts. We need help, and to be frank, we need your kind of help."

I put my coffee down. "Additionally, if we're actually going to try and take over back home, it won't matter that you're from Venus right? You'll be a Builder and if we succeed it'll all fall under me." I pick up my coffee and take a sip to hide my expression. "And if we fail, we're all dead anyway, so it doesn't matter."

Ava looks at me shocked. "What do you mean?"

Raaden nods. "No Ava, Melody is right. If we're actually going to do this, we have only one option: success. If we fail we will all-" she gestures around grandly "-be killed. All of us. They will not tolerate any Builder to survive. They might even destroy the Gates."

Ginny looks between Ava, me and Raaden as we talk. "What is going on? Destroy the Gates? Kill us all? Take over? What are you planning?"

I sigh. Ginny went with us to the Wilds, but she worked with Omar on the reactors the whole time, she missed out on the conversations we had on the way there and back. "Ginny, we're tossing around the idea of amassing a fleet and... attempting to conqueror Human/K'laxi/Xenni space."

I had no idea how she was going to react to that.

Ginny looked at us, expecting us to break out in laughter. "You're serious? It's not a joke?"

"Ginny, I have the power to make people who are in proximity to me do whatever I tell them, and they don't have the ability to disobey. If word gets out to home about that, they will send people to kill me. If that fails, they will just launch a dreadnought to destroy the Starbase. Raaden and Ava have pointed out the only way to survive is to attack first and win. I get that it's a lot, and if you don't want to sign on for that, it's okay, but you should know that as of right now that's our plan."

I suppose I didn't know what would happen next. I like Ginny, she seems smart and observant but we're telling her that we plan on going to take over our home systems. As she thought about it, her face contorted into a wicked grin. "Take over back home? The whole thing? All the planets, colonies, starbases and everything? I'm in."

Ava blinked. "Just like that?"

Ginny was emphatic. "Just like that. Let's show them all what we can do."

Raaden tipped her head back and laughed. "Well then. How can I say no? Melody, Ava, I appreciate you taking a chance on me. I can emphatically say we did not get off on the right foot, but you gave me a chance and didn't just stuff me into a hibernation cabinet. I'm in. I'm with you entirely Empress. Let me help you win.

Well then no time like the present. I asked them both to stand, and went over and gave them each a kiss. Ava frowned the whole time, but she knows that it's the best way to introduce the Nanites to them. Raaden still smells good. I should find out what scent she has.

Just to make sure there's no hard feelings I go back and give Ava a kiss too. Laughing, I take my new Builders and we go out into the Reach to begin the work.

In the first of possibly many foolish decisions, I had Raaden and Omar take High Line out and with a small crew of local volunteers go to the other locations Janais mentioned. Pesmara was a Starbase like the Reach or the Wilds. It was intact but empty. That was unexpected. I figured we'd see either a cloud of dust or a full Starbase like Reach of the Might of Vzzx, but instead there was a whole, empty Starbase. Raaden linked a beacon back to us, but I told her not to go aboard. We could send a crew over to figure out what happened later.

The Heights of Gilmenny was more like the High Mars Orbitals. It was originally a series of Orbital stations above the planet Gilmenny. The planet still existed, but there were no signs of the Orbitals according to Raaden. Scanning the planet she found multiple debris fields. It seems that since Janais had seen them last, the Heights fell. Further scans could not detect any sapient life on the planet. It was good to know we had a planet under our control, and a source of mineral wealth. We're going to need it with all the ships we're going to build, but it would also have been nice to find more people.

Imperia was even stranger. According to Janais, Imperia was the old capital of the Holy Imperial Systems but when we got to the system there was nothing. No planets at all. Just a star and a cloud of dust.

"Devourers." Janais explained darkly. We could only hope that it had happened before Aeche sacrificed herself to destory them. Omar and Raaden couldn't tell how long ago it happened. seventy four plus years is nothing to an uncaring Galaxy. It might as well happened yesterday for all they were able to tell.

Still, the trip wasn't a whole loss. We found we have another Starbase to fill with people, and tenative plans are being made to decide what to do about the Wilds. The Starbase is too valuable to abandon completely, but it needs extensive repair. More work to do, more people we need.

With Ginny, Raaden and Janais as Builders, we were able to reduce the load that my other Builders were taking up. Um'reli got to have some time out of the chair finally and explore, and Raaden went with Omar and got started designing new ships. It turns out that being in command of a dreadnought gave her some ideas on other ways that we could build them. Between her ideas and Janais' experience with Builder designed ships, we've begun designing a whole new kind of ship. Janais wanted to name the whole class of ships Calamity Class Dreadnoughts. I thought it was a little over the top, but Raaden really liked it, so we kept it.

The Calamity Class ships were like a super Dreadnought. More than twice the reactors, a Stardrive from a starjumper, the largest wormhole generator we could make, room to hold two hundred troopers, and even atmospheric ability! That was Raaden's idea. She thought that since we were going to be attacking some colony planets, if we had the ability to land on the surface, we'd be able to catch them by surprise. Atmospheric manouvering also meant massive thrusters as well as control surfaces. The Calamity Class Super Dreadnought wound up looking sweeping, elegant and intimidating. It was a beautiful design.

"I mean, it's a great design. Really revolutionary." Omar looked at the designs in the Throne while Raaden, Janais, and I were connected so we could go over them. "There's just one problem though."

"What is that, Builder Omar?" Janais really has slotted herself in with us quite well. Her being a former Empress has never really come up these past few weeks. I wonder if she's just so happy to be doing something, that it almost doesn't matter what.

Also the fact that every wormhole link lets her see her partner again.

Omar sighed. "We don't have a way to actually build it. Something this big can't be done in the dockyard printers we have. We can't get much larger than a Frigate. We'd need a real orbital shipyard to make one."

Raaden nods. "We didn't see anything like a shipyard at the other systems we visited either. We'd need something like the Heinlein yards in the L2 point around Earth at least. Ideally, larger than that too."

"Okay then, so... I guess we need to build a shipyard first?"

"Yes, but the database you took from FarReach and the one that you grabbed of the Lavinia doesn't have plans for a shipyard." Raaden shrugs. "We're going to have to built one the old fashioned way. We'll have to design it, print the individual parts and bolt it together."

Janais raised her eyebrow and looked at Raaden. This was all new to her. "How long will that take?"

"Don't know. We've never built one. Heinlein yards has been in service for centuries. I think it took people around fifteen years to build it the first time. It'll probably take us longer."

"We might be able to shortcut it a bit" Omar began.

"I'm hearing a 'but' coming here Omar, what's the issue?" I took a sip of hot water. Coffee won't be coming any time soon, and I'm trying to figure out what parts of coffee I like the best. Today I have mug after mug of hot water. It's nice to have something hot to sip on, but it's still no coffee. If we have to wait fiften, twenty years before we have super dreadnoughts I don't know how I'll be able to go that long with no coffee.

"We'll have to take apart the Wilds. We can open it up and install printers and kind of turn it into almost a shipyard as it is. The shape is pretty close and it will be able to support the super dreadnought as it's being printed but it will mean that we won't be able to use it as living space. I could probably get it up and started in a year or so."

"Well, a year is better than fifteen. And the Wilds are damaged now, so people aren't living there." I turn to look at Janais. "You were living there until recently. How do you feel about us taking the Wilds of Besmara apart and turning it into a shipyard?"

Janais blinks and looks at me "You're asking my opinion, Empress?"

"Yes? You lived there for more than seventy years. If you have strong feelings about the place, I do not want to dissasssemble it to make a shipyard."

"Empress I..." Janais stops and composes herself. "Empress. That is possibly the kindest thing anyone has said to me. If I so wished, you would not turn the Wilds into a shipyard?

I shrugged. "We would look into other options. It doesn't have to be our first choice."

Janais shook her head and smiled. "Empress, with my thanks, please take the Wilds and fufil your destiny. I spent my time at the Wilds in mourning. When you arrived, you lifted the veil from my head and showed me another way. Let us take it, and use it to further your rule."

"Okay then. Omar, let's explore taking the Wilds of Besmara and making a shipyard. Could we get it over here?"

"I mean, maybe? It's too big for the Gates, so we could link it over, but it doesn't have any wormhole generators now and would probably need at least two more reactors if the existing ones were in good shape and I'll bet they are not given what we saw when we were there. Give me 4 months, and I can get the Wilds over here, or we can bring Sun Dancer and just live out of that on rotation while we convert."

As we plan and work out details, the morning goes long and becomes midday. As we get read to break for lunch, an alarm sounds. It starts with a sharp, high tone that slides low, then back high and repeats.

Empress!

What is it Starlight? What's the alarm?

There was a massive energy spike in system and a blinding flash of white and-

Wormhole link. Oh no.

Yes Empress, that's why I sounded the general alarm.

You did the right thing, we'll be right there.

"Come on everyone. Starlight has detected a wormhole link in system. Let's connect to the Reach from the Throne and see who has decided to pay us a visit."

Raaden looks worried. Ginny, and Janais confused. Omar and Ava have already left their chairs and are trotting towards the Throne.

We get there and sit down. It's very nice to have so many people connected, I think this is the first time everyone has slotted in. Ava looks over at Raaden and Ginny who approach some chairs but do not sit. "Raaden and Ginny your Nanites haven't integrated completely yet. You can sit, but please just watch. Don't try and access any systems until tomorrow."

They sit, and I can feel them enter the Reach with a surprised gasp. "Hi Everyone!" I say brightly. "So Starlight, show us what you see."

Starlight shares the last few minutes of sensor and camera data to all of us. As we watch, sure enough, I see the energy spike and in a flash something links into the system, about half way between the Gate ad the Reach.

It's huge.

It's way bigger than a dreadnought, it's nearly colony ship size. What is going on?

"Omar, what is that? I don't recognize it."

"Me neither Melody, I'll scan it."

"It looks like..." Ginny stops. "No, it can't be."

"What is it Ginny?" Ava sounds anxious. Given what Raaden has said, we're not expecting anyone friendly.

"It looks like there are two... or three Starjumpers in there! Look, if you take these parts-" She highlights some long lines in the middle "-and remove them-" She edits the image "-you see what looks like three Starjumpers. I don't know what they're connected with though."

"Ancestors Who Await my Return, I know what that is!" Raaden is practically shouting. "That's The Heinlein Shipyards!"

Omar's voice is flat, like he trying to hold something back. "What."

"I'd recognize those girders anywhere. Remember, we've been trying to capture them off and on for nearly 5 years. That's Heinlein."

"But..." Um'reli sounds worried, "Shipyards don't have wormhole generators."

"But Starjumpers do." Ava sounds amazed. "Someone synced the three Starjumper wormhole generators and stole the Heinlein Shipyards out from L2 around Earth."

Now Janais was worried "But who would do that? We don't have any allies over there."

I gasp. Oh no.

"Raaden. I think I know who it is."

"Yeah, Melody. I think I do too."

"Well don't keep us in the dark, who the heck just stole three Starjumpers and the whole entire Heinlein Shipyards?" Now, Omar sounds a little wild. I think he's having a hard time processing this.

I swallow. "It's the crew of the Vengenance of Lavinia. Or part of it at least."

"What?? Why would they do that?" We can all see eachother while connected to the Throne and Ava glances at Raaden and Ginny. They both are quiet and look like they're trying to shrink into their chairs.

"Ava, what was the first order I gave everyone at dinner?"

"Uh, 'you belong to me' or something right? I liked it. It felt dramatic and impressive."

"I also used my Voice. Everyone in the crew is officially a subject of mine. They literally belong to me. They must have been scheming to get back here almost as soon as they made it back to Venus."

"But how long has it been? a few months? They must have begun the process the minute they came home." Raaden sounds impressed. It was her crew, I guess she has the right.

Ava suddenly sounds anxious, on the verge of panic. "Melody! Those are Starjumpers! AIs run Starjumpers. You can't command AIs with your Voice, what are we going to do?"

Well I have been reading up on AI theory thanks to the Lavinia's library. So I might have a chance of getting them to listen, but it does feel too soon. Oh why couldn't they have waited like half a year before pulling something like this. We're just not ready.

Omar's head snaps up. "Wait wait wait. If that's Venus, the AIs would never work with them. The Heinlein Shipyards is where most Starjumpers are built, even now. It's possible those Starjumpers are new and don't have an AI yet."

Starlight cuts in. "Well, we're about to find out who it is. They're signaling us."

Starlight activates the radio and we can hear clamor and noise on the other end. There's a burst of static and a voice says "Empress! Empress Melody! We have returned! It was a long journey and we lost some compatriots in the firefight, but we have returned and have brought you an appropiate gift. Three nearly finished Starjumpers and the entirety of the Heinlien Shipyards includiing staff. We have them secured in the last Starumper under guard. With this gift, we hope that you will accept our return!"

As she hears the message, Raaden's expression changes from skeptisim to amazement. "That's Will! That's my second in command! It is the crew from Lavinia! Oh no, my crew alone stole the Heinlein Shipyards, something the Emperor has been trying to do for more than five years! He must be incandescent with rage." Raaden started giggling.

Ava looked at the image and then at Omar. "Well, there's your shipyard and it looks like we have three Starjumpers now to bolster our fleet.

"I won't say no, but wow." Omar shakes his head. "This paints a gigantic target on our back. We had better really get going with the Calamity Class. Also, Melody, lock the Gate. It won't stop wormhole linking, but it will stop people coming through that way."

"Oh. Yes. Good idea Omar." I take a moment and reach beyond the Reach to the Gate and lock it.

So the crew of the Lavinia wanted to come back so badly that they stole the entire Heinlien Shipyards with three almost complete Starjumpers and linked the whole thing here? On the one hand, I am completely surprised that I could inspire that kind of loyality in anyone from one command. On the other, now I have my own zealots to worry about.

I disconnect from the Throne and lean forward, putting my head in my hands. What am I going to do? We're not ready for a war and the crew of the Lavinia just made a huge swipe at Venus. The OPA, Free Luna and the High Mars cities probably already know about it. My only saving grace is that the Sol system doesn't talk with the colonies much these days thanks to Venus. I don't think most people will have any idea where they took the shipyards.

Ava disconnects and comes over. She puts her hand on my back and starts rubbing between my shoulders, right where I like it. "You okay Melody?"

I can feel the tears start to form in the corners of my eyeys. "Ava, they brought me so much! But, I'm not ready. We're not ready! Venus is going to come and attack to take it back if we're lucky. If we're not, it'll be the AIs and they'll just link in and slag us."

"Oh Melody." She bends her head down and kisses my hair. "They brought an entire shipyard. If we can hold off Venus, we can get going on the Calamity Class now! We'll be ready years ahead of schedule. This is a good thing hon. I mean it."

"But Ava, they're gonna miss it back home! They're going to try and find it."

"Earth is under the control of Venus nominally. The Heinlein Shipyards were operated by the OPA, nobody talked to anyone and hasn't for a decade. It's going to be a while before they even think to look here. If we're lucky, they'll spend years pointing fingers at each other and arguing about it without actually trying to look." Ava smiled "Besides, it's not like someone can track where a wormhole link went. They have no way of knowing it went to us. We should take this gift and use it. If we get those Starjumpers fitted out for Builder operation we'll have a formidable defence of the Reach in case anyone does come sniffing around."

Raaden disconnected and came over and heard me and Ava. "Melody, Ava is right. This is so out of the blue and so against any protocol, nobody will have any idea what the hell happened for possibly years. This is a massive head start. We've been given this opportunity. We need to grasp it." Her face hardened. "We can use this to kickstart our operation. We will succeed."

I sniffed. They knew just what to say to me. I was so worried it was all done the as soon as we realized it was the Heinlein yards that came. Ava and Raaden were able to calm me down and get me to see what a good thing this will be.

I'm so lucky to have them. I'm so lucky to have all my Builders.

As I stand, I look around to everyone. They've disconnected and are looking at me. I guess it's time to be an Empress again. "Starlight. Signal the Venusians, thanking them for their gift and inviting them to the Reach. We shall hold a special celebration in their honor. I will delcare a holiday. Make sure they bring the crew of the Heinlein too. We need to convince them to sign on and no do anything rash. I'll still command them, but I need them to get to the Reach first."

"Once you have finished Starlight, let's all go down to the docks."

"We have a delegation to meet."

Part 37

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch 1x3: a place of safety

Onto episode three, where we get to have some new dynamics and some relationship building for the future.

spoilers for the first season and the new s2 teaser scene that we got and for book spoilers... through The Dragon Reborn due to an identity reveal, I guess.

Nynaeve! I think it was a really good idea for the show to make sure to show us that Nynaeve was still alive at the end of episode two rather than trying to draw it out any further.

We do get some useful info here. We see the Trolloc's willingness to kill their own. We get to see Nynaeve being both brave and clever in how she dispatches the Trolloc. And then she tracks down Lan & Moiraine afterwards. We get shown on screen how impressive Nynaeve is.

Lan is also very impressed by Nynaeve, even so that he's very honest with her here. And he also needs her help, of course.

I'm going to be watching for our mirrors and parallels between Rand and Egwene while they're separated.

Rand is still calling out for Egwene and Perrin, and Mat is the one thinking clearly - he reassures Rand that they'll find the others but that they need to keep themselves alive first.

Mat wants to go home, but Rand is now picking up the responsibility baton, both to protect their home and because he knows Egwene will want to continue to the White Tower. I love Rand and Mat's banter in this episode a lot.

Perrin and Egwene are being followed (by wolves) and make a fire - Perrin tries with a flint but Egwene succeeds with the Power. Perrin takes her using the Power pretty well -- I do wonder if he jumps on board the "Egwene is the Dragon Reborn" train here.

Now they get to have their parallel discussion about what to do next. Rand knew Egwene would continue to the White Tower but Egwene thinks that Rand will go home. Perrin says that they won't, and he's right. Rand wants to go home -- Egwene's correct there -- but both responsibility and wanting to reunite with Egwene and Perrin prevents him from turning back even though Mat was on the side of "let's go home".

But that gap between Egwene and Rand loving each vs maybe not always knowing each other is something that continues from the first episode. They know parts of each other but they both also have gaps of knowledge - Rand makes assumptions about Egwene in episode 1 because he doesn't know about her offer from Nynaeve and Egwene makes assumptions here because she doesn't know that Rand has reason to believe that he's the Dragon Reborn. Rand accepting being the Dragon Reborn means accepting that he "can't go home", which is a big thing that he struggles with over the season but deflects onto first Egwene and then Mat once it starts looking like Mat might be the Dragon (exhibiting the 'signs' that Thom told him about).

Lan is developing a big crush and Nynaeve has no clue. <3 also I like Nynaeve's little healer's kit. We get some hints about the Warder bond here but we'll be getting much more next episode.

The set-up of the give-and-take between the three pairs being explored in this episode is a lot of fun.

Perrin's dream... Ishy trying to suss out if Perrin is The One, I assume. I wonder if he was trying to trigger Perrin into a memory of "his" past life and guilt over his dead wife. Which isn't going to work because it isn't his past life, of course. But it does make me wonder if he thought Perrin was TDR. We know from the finale that he appeared to be genuinely surprised it was Rand until they got a bit of quality time alone.

So Perrin and Egwene start out having a rougher and scarier journey -- howling wind, howling wolves, and being chased. While Mat and Rand appear to have found a touch of luck by running across a town. But the town is not a genuine "place of safety" while the wolves are actually doing their best to help out and lead Perrin to people who can help him.

Thom's coat does have colorful patches on the inside. I do understand why they toned Thom down, for sure. I wonder who wrote this song - given the subject matter. But we know why Thom would feel so sympathetic to Lews Therin.

Dana was such a great introduction to Darkfriends. It really feels like the show put a lot of thought into why someone would decide to become a Darkfriend and are putting it into practice early on. Lots of thought into all the various world philosophies that we've seen so far.

Go to a slighter large village than the one you grew up in, immediately get pickpocketed. No safety here for Rand and Mat. And poor Rand is so grossed out by how Dana just dumps all the leftovers back into the stewpot.

Mat Tries To Set Up A Porn, take one: offering to work for their stay.

Mat Tries To Set Up A Porn, take two: threesome edition.

On a more serious note, lol, this is also where Mat and Rand first get into a genuine bit of conflict, when Mat blames Rand for them being here and tells him that Egwene and Perrin are likely dead and, even if they aren't, that Egwene wouldn't go through any of this effort for Rand's sake and so he shouldn't do it for her. Basically, taking all that emotional sensitivity that Mat has shown previously and using as a weapon against Rand to try to get Rand to do what Mat wants to do (go home).

He successfully hurts Rand's feelings, clearly regrets it, but instead of apologizing, he goes with Mat Tries To Set Up A Porn, take three, which ends in him serving drinks.

Dana is pretty honest with Mat and Rand. Except for the big thing she's lying about, of course.

Honestly, I'm finding Perrin's guilt and grief over Laila to be pretty touching in this rewatch.

Rand trying to talk himself out of a room for the night, lol. Rand burns Mat so hard and he's not even there to hear it. Dana, of course, already knows about Egwene so it feels like her trying to "help" Rand and Mat's, uh, relationship woes was her angling to get some kind of in with Rand (which worked). From what we see in S1, Ishamael does have a fair amount of knowledge about their current lives (likely from Fain) but just doesn't know how that tracks into them potentially being the Dragon Reborn.

Mat is starting to get pretty twitchy and quick to draw his fancy new dagger. But he's still willing to calm down and realize Thom isn't a threat. We also get some tiny bits of Aiel lore.

"Mat says a lot of things" yeah, so true. But both of these scenes -- the Mat & Thom one and the Rand & Dana one -- are so good.

At this point, Thom was willing to give some advice and then walk out, because the two boys might need a life lesson but there's no indication they're in trouble they can't get out of. And then he hears that a Fade is after them, and everything changes for him.

"All five of you... but only one matters, only one of you can be it." Ishamael hasn't ruled Nynaeve out yet, because he doesn't know the exact wording of the prophecy.

I love how passionate and sincere they had Dana be here. And now that we've seen the teaser, we get a look at how Ishamael acts around prospective marks so I feel like Dana probably got started with the 'soft sell' just like the little girl did.

And now Lan leads his group to a hopeful place of safety. And we get to explore Aes Sedai politics in the next episode. <3

Logain! Talk about you soon. <3 <3

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @corinneglass!

OC Questionaire

My questions:

What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?

What’s your philosophy in life?

Who are the five people you are closest with?

Feeling kinda tired, so ima just do Avymere and Elsind

1. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?

Elsind: "Dream? I... Do I have any dreams? I guess I want to see my mom again someday, but I'm not ready for that yet. I need to get my courage back. That's my dream, I suppose. I want to be brave again."

Avymere: "My dream is to serve Salis the best I can. Right now, that means keeping the nobility focused and my family in power. Later, it will mean ruling as Archduchon once my father steps down. I do as the city demands - that is my purpose."

2. What’s your philosophy in life?

Elsind: "To be kind and to cause more good than harm. I don't know if I always succeed - I probably don't - but trying has to count for something, right? I want to be the kind of person who would've saved me when I was young."

Avymere: "I am a tool of this city. Such is the lot of a noble. I do whatever it takes to make the lives of its people more comfortable, even if the fruits of my labor aren't always obvious."

3. Who are the five people you are closest with?

Elsind: "Oh no, I'm terrible at picking and choosing. Probably Mashal, for one. He's just so sweet and sincere. Indre has always looked out for me, and she was the one to bring me into the SLP in the first place. Thibault treats me well, and he buys me books when he can. Mael always has a joke ready, he includes me in things. And even though Maeline is kind of gruff, she makes my favorite desert every time when it's her turn to cook. Really, everyone in the SLP is so kind to me. I wish I was more confident in my ability to help them."

Avymere: "I'm not... I don't have many people I'm close to, now that I think about it. My father is a great man and I do my best to help him rule the city. I know he was disappointed when I didn't manifest any sorcery, so I do my best to make up for that lack. Other than him... Emadean, perhaps? He's the guard captain I spar with. He's always treated me like any other recruit, instead of the caution most guards err towards, which I suppose I can't blame them for. I was close to my mother before she passed. Other than that, I really can't think of two more people."

.

I'll tag @abalonetea @phoenixradiant @tildeathiwillwrite @willtheweaver and anyone else who'd like to play :)

Your questions:

How do you recover from a bad day?

What animal would you say is the most like you?

Can you dance?

[maxwell-grant]

I can probably guess, but how would those individuals getting the Death Note make things worse?

Well,

While she probably should have the book over Light, Emilia is far more ambitious and dangerous that he could be even without the notebook. She's sort of this embodiment of a child's imagination/rebellion in that she's this rebellious firecracker that can do basically anything and has very little respect for grown-ups and very little tolerance for injustice, but she's also egotistical and stubborn and has very little breaks and a very stunted sense of morality, among many other flaws. She's not really that bad, she's a trickster with a big heart trying to make the best of a fiercely opinionated brain and a lease in life she was never supposed to have, she grows for the better but, she did think about cutting off an angel's wings just to see what happened (she later saved the angel by beating Popeye with food poisoning). She held the world hostage with a shrinking spell to try and force the U.S President into ending war forever. Her first appearence had her win a fight by carving out a scorpion's eyeballs with a barbecue spit. Again, she's not evil, but she tends to rejects concepts like "nuance", "social filter" and "not getting to do what she wants right now". She absolutely would have a list planned for the occasion, and there would be a lot of politicians and big shot important folks in there. I'm starting to reconsider my stance on whether she should have the book or not.

The Golden Amazon actually is just straight up evil though. In the first book, she destroys most of England and attempts to rule the world by replacing humanity with synthetic beings, by the second she's leading a secret society of superwomen from the Amazon, and in the following books, while she became an "anti-hero" in the loosest sense possible, that's more so because she succeeds in taking over things and so now has to defend her matriarchy from aliens and saboteurs (I think the books might have retconned some details as they went along but she seems to be either defending Earth so she can rule it or already being it's ruler). She is the Dominatrix of the Solar System, the greatest scientist who ever lived, a cruel, ice cold murder expert superhuman who pretty much doesn't need the Death Note in any way, she really really doesn't need any kind of help in killing/torturing people. The real danger here is her learning about the existence of the shinigami and the shinigami world and deciding she doesn't like death gods in on her territory (existence itself) and deciding to do something about it.

The Black Bat, I mean, Tony Quinn is kind of a piece of shit. He's a scarred and miserable District Attorney turned vigilante serial killer who brands the corpses of the criminals he kills, and unlike The Spider he's not exactly dealing with apocalyptic extreme circumstances to make this behavior less insane, he's just fighting mobsters. Passing the Death Note from the son of a cop, into the hands of a disgraced District Attorney who already decided to go out at night to murder crime with guns and has associates at hand to help him do it is just, well it's not exactly a step up from the threat Light Yagami posed.

El Sombra, look, Djego tried, he truly did. He did a lot of good. If you gave him the Death Note, he'd use it exclusively to kill Nazis and he'd mean it, because that's all he ever did, if you handed him the book during the events of El Sombra and Gods of Manhattan he could have done a lot of good with it. It's just, Pax Omega happened, and what became of him is absolutely not someone who you want to hand something like the Death Note to. He failed, and he failed where it mattered most, and his reward for failure was becoming version 2.0 of everything he hated most and nearly dooming the entire planet. Even if he could have used it to kill Hitler and every member of Untergang, there was no happy ending to the tale of El Sombra. He just failed too profoundly for that to be possible.

The Whisperer, see The Black Bat's deal but times ten, or really just read that editor note above introducing him. The Whisperer is "Wildcat" James Gordon, a handsome young dandy Police Commissioner who, once elected, turned out to be a total maniac asshole (famously burned down an illegal casino as Commissioner, didn't even put on a disguise to do it) and who fights crime by transforming himself into an unrecognizably older persona so he can murder people with impunity. I feel like I don't have to elaborate much here, what's wrong with this guy is fairly brutally self-evident.

The Blue Morpho, because, well how long you've got? Even if you've never watched The Venture Bros and don't know all the horrible things he's done personally, I feel like "cartoon supervillain moonlighting as a dark violent pulp hero in order to kill all the other supervillains in town standing in his way" is fairly self-explanatory. Mr Fitzcarraldo here offed his world's Legion of Doom in one blow pretty much by accident. He's not really out to kill for killing's sake, he just wants to get one guy really badly, but he doesn't really care who he has to get rid of to do that, or even just killing people to solve minor dumb inconveniences like avoiding paying taxi fare or being annoyed by a henchman. He might have the biggest on-screen body count in a show that has Brock Samson in it and only became deadlier as The Blue Morpho, that's no small feat.

Hugo Danner, because there is not a single aspect of Hugo Danner's life that didn't suck and that he didn't find a way to make worse. Hugo Danner was every bad/evil/stupid take on Superman published years before the genuine article. Hugo Danner is the Garth Ennis Superman pisstake that Garth Ennis loved the character too much to actually do. Hugo Danner enlisted in WW1 and only realized he could have ended it single-handedly after he'd already slaughtered thousands and thousands of poor infantrymen with his bare hands and the war ended, and promptly hated himself for being such a colossal idiot. He could not conceive of solutions that didn't envolve "squeezing continents into submission" and punishing all the people too stupid and scared to love him the way he thought he deserved. He hated himself too much to even kickstart plans to create a master race. He got himself killed by cursing the skies and being struck by a lightning bolt on the final page. There's not a lot that the Death Note could have done to save his life from being a shit show, but all he ever did was perpetrate that shit show on others so, yeah, good riddance Danner you stupid bastard.