#I made this in AUGUST I was so right
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“kill the cop in your head” is supposed to be used in instances where a person is assuming the worse in a another person/group based on a prejudiced thought (ex/ “this person is talking to themselves at a bus stop they’re probably on drugs and are going to hurt me best call the police for my safety 😌” or “that person says they’re poor but I saw them getting Starbucks they should continue to be homeless since they are spending frivolously) not for stupid ass lgbt label bullshit, fandom nonsense, gross ass “kinks”or used to shame black people calling out you’re favorite blog for antiblackness
#I made this in AUGUST I was so right#😭😭😭 ‘kill the cop in ur head’ being used for that damn drink poll and for that wincest shit is driving me CRAZY#u people have no understanding of phrases and words it’s just all alphabet soup to u people#AND ITS NOT EVEN APPLICABLE TO ACAB#it’s not a ‘cop’ telling u this that’s ur own hateful brain
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woosan cheekies 😊
#wooyoung#san#woosan#ateez#kpop#shrimp gifs#wah... first gif since late august 1405... a standing ovation please#zamordyzm.#i made these with sun blasting right through the window so idk if they look good or not OTL
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bug doodles so i can say i drew something
#oc#original character#alien oc#artists on tumblr#art#aliens#sketch#nyx#having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too#i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right#if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month#just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling#IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR#more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it#i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it#guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art#or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed
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Still haven't caught sight of Drag Strip's or Wildrider's names, but that's three out of five components of Menasor who show up in the race alone.
#When I saw this movie on August 15th I saw Motormaster's name but wasn't sure#I knew I had but seeing Motormouth later shown in the Iacon 5000 race clip made me very much doubt myself#Until I saw others mention they saw him and I specifically hunted him down when I saw it the next three times and he's THERE#Right before magnet trap/after the main two land on Darkwing and knock him out of contention#best placed Stunticon throughout the entire race#and you can *maybe* see him for one shot#TF One#Transformers One#TF One Spoilers#Transformers One Spoilers#TF#I need an art book and them to do special features of every cameo and background character who is intentionally placed#So for a month I literally was going 'did I actually see Motormaster or did I imagine that because I wanted so badly to see him'#Very glad the combiner teams were fairly represented except Constructicons and Protectobots#Had Fireflight & Silverbolt & Slingshot & Air Raid if I recall for the Aerialbots#Had Swindle for Combaticons#And a few technobots#Stunticons#Motormaster
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I miss nier. I have to watch the automata anime
#nier#nier automata#A2#2B#9S#great perfect! what collab was this? or something a cafe event? i dont remember thats how long its been#or was it a clothes collab hold on now i have to find out#IT WAS DON QUIXOTE. you went and got acyrllics shirts cards etc idunno i didnt go these were the designs#it happened in july. that's how long I've had this sketched out? or at last thats how long ive had A2 sketched out#the 2b and 9s were sketched last year in like August. they were wearing the shirts they made in the anime#my motivation died before i could finish especially because i already drew the shirts and class started again i did not want to line#it was the week of dad nier's birthday. this is what was replaced cause i drew dad instead and that took a slot in my art making machine#so when the don quixote collab came out i was like great i already have a base and added A2 in cause i felt bad i never draw her#A2 is my favorite but like. I do not be acting that way#in fact i drew the shirts 3 times cause they had like 3 designs each. but i was just gonna draw the aji o kutta shirt again#cause its my favorite#my life update is ive had two different ppl be like 'you're cool lets be friends i wanna know more about you' and i keep thinking about it#cause that's not...ive got alarm sirens in my head. i make my friends by we keep bumping into each other in class and eventually get lunch#or in the case of my one classmate we came from the same school and had the same classes together for like 3 semesters he was like#are you stalking me like BRO?? i miss him#that or my last friend fed me attention like you might feed a wild deer popcorn in the woods and thats how we got close#so pardon me if im unfamiliar with 'i wanna get to know you' cause that's not. that's not...you want something from me.#i dont have time to make new friends right now though i am drowning in assignments#my current friends already have a hard time getting me to go anywhere. i was supposed to go see Look Back w them but i was so tired#'fed me attention' a better example is getting hearts with someone in harvest moon or stardew valley. im like that
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I've been anxious for so long and so brave about it this year and I'm really hoping it will allow me to not have to brave for a while because. jesus fucking christ
#that job i had in july? i left it in august because i finally decided to do something i want to do#and not wait until i convince myself that something is 'good enough'#my anxiety was so bad during those two months. which was a shame because my boss was lovely and the place was pretty nice#but i made the first brave decision in a very long time and left to look for a job i'm passionate about#and my boss was so great because when they were saying goodbye she said in front of everyone that#she's sure some people there admired my bravery to just leave and pursue my dreams#and i could have cried right there and then it was so good to hear?????? i can't make brave choices and my anxiety is a bitch#so when she said that i was just. SO touched#and yeah an opportunity came along and i'm going to be working as an editor starting later this week!#so fingers crossed that i'm going to be less anxious and my brain won't ruin this for me because it's a really really nice opportunity#and i want to squeeze as much as i can from it without my brain getting in the way and making me see just the negatives until i get out#in general i just really REALLY want to stop feeling like a hunted animal in everyday situations. here's to getting there someday#it's mine my own my precious#not lotr
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the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe
#txt#haha. like. how lucky was i to get this job. and unlucky to get sick and have my brain fucked over#also a loss of time perception. time does not move for me it feels like 7am still and its 10am#i feel like i got lobotomized. brainfog and much less of a filter of what i say/do and fatigue etc#shortness of breath when im stressed too. fucking annoying#i keep fucking up on the simplest tasks at work. literally filled out a simple form wrong that i've been doing right since day 1#and my supervisor is patient and i tried explaining brainfog but idt she takes it seriously and she gets more annoyed the more i screw up#and like. i need this job!!!!!!!!!!! it pays disgustingly well!!!!!! but if i cant do simple tasks right anymore then what am i even doing#ive had this stuff since late august but its so much worse suddenly and i dont know why :((#to be deleted /#<- if i can even remember i made this post at all LOL someone shoot me
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August: Day 14
Adventures
Met a friend for lunch. Nice chance to catch up.
Treated myself to ice cream.
Went inside Barnes and Noble for the first time in ages, and saw several kinds of those Aesthetic editions of classics. Had fun looking at them and learning that most of them aren't good for reading.
Completed a library scavenger hunt.
Picked up a couple of library holds and a couple other books from my reading list, along with a book about silhouette-cutting that was so delightfully odd that I couldn't leave it behind.
Accomplishments
Uninstalled and reinstalled LibreOffice, in the hopes it will properly recover unsaved documents in the future.
Added just a bit to the Rapunzel outline
Helped my dad to patch my car's tire and change the oil.
#adventures in august#seeing the fancy classics was fun#and learning how bad they are for reading made me feel better about never buying any#why do so many of them have glossy pages?#i should not be getting glare from a physical book#and those penguin clothbounds!#the designs are wearing off right there on the shelf!#i can't imagine anyone seeing that and buying any of those#no matter how pretty they are
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girlbossed too hard.... unless...
#like a lot of stuff about kh. one thing being its sprawling plot. love it all fitting together like that#anyway wanted to write a story like that. here i am with my ocs. and now im worried ive made it too confusing#1. maybe it's just because I haven't finished fixing plot holes? 2. maybe it's bc im not telling it in the right order? (random comics)#3. maybe it's because I assume ppl know more than they probably remember? 4. maybe im bad at explaining it?#anyway I talk to ppl about it and they're like ???? about things so now im like hm. i done messed up#problem is. it all makes perfect sense in my head#nomura is this how you felt? is this just the consequences of my actions??#anyway rip me. doomed to pain and suffering since the days of my youth#wanna get better at talking and expressing things but ACK. so hard!!!!#august rambles#text#you may be thinking huh?? you're expressing something rn. and yes. you see. my disease is so annoying. it is not consistent#sometimes I think about it enough i think about ways to talk about it. sometimes I think about it enough and it soaks into my life so...#someone else goes 'hey whats that?' and i go 'oh tiny info about it' as if secretly the person knew everything else because uh#i thought about it so hard. it must be common knowledge??? i don't know things other people don't??#anyway screaming crying i feel like I'm not expressing this right. doomed.
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I have not stopped thinking about The Vampyre since I read it, so here's some extra trivia for y'all about Lord Ruthven's name:
VnC's Lord August Ruthven is, of course, named after the Lord Ruthven from the short story "The Vampyre." Written by John William Polidori and published in 1819, "The Vampyre" is often cited as the first piece of true modern vampire fiction. It makes sense for Mochijun to want to reference something so genre-founding.
However! The circumstances surrounding this short story (and thus the Ruthven character) are both deeply weird and deeply fascinating.
For starters, do y'all know the famous story about how Frankenstein was written? It started as a challenge between friends stuck inside due to bad weather—write a frightening story for everyone's entertainment. Mary Godwin (soon to be Mary Shelley) and her future husband Percy Shelley were there, of course, but so were the poet Lord Byron and his personal doctor: a man named John Polidori.
While Mary penned the beginning of one of the most famous books in history, Byron's own attempt at horror was abandoned partway through. He wrote a fragment of a novel about an aristocratic vampire and a foolish young man that traveled with him to Turkey, but he never inteded to finish it. However, after learning how Byron thought the tale would end, Polidori eventually came to write his own (complete) version of a similar plot.
The Vampire in Byron's fragment went by the name of Augustus Darvell, but for the majority of "The Vampyre," Polidori's titular monster calls himself Lord Ruthven. This name comes from the novel Glenarvon by Lady Caroline Lamb, a book that openly parodied and mocked Lord Byron (Lamb's ex lover) with its main character.
Now, why did Polidori name the monstrous, cruel, almost parasitic monster in his story after a parody of his patient and boss? That's because their relationship was deeply fraught. I am not the person to speak accurately on this history, so let it suffice to say that Polidori did not have a rose-colored image of Lord Byron.
Byron was famously promiscuous and often in terrible debt. He doesn't seem to have been particularly nice to his doctor. If you read about their time together in any detail, it becomes obvious why Polidori might feel the urge to mock him as a monster.
Polidori wrote a vampire that seduced, tore through, and ruined innocent young maidens. He wrote this after traveling Europe with a man who was forced to flee England with a rake's reputation and a charge of sodomy. He named his vampire Ruthven, after a caricature of Byron, because his own Ruthven was also based on the man.
In other words, the first finished story to create the modern trope of the aristocratic vampire was in large part a parody of Lord Byron. It is a monster inspired by him and named after a character that existed to sleight him. It is also based on a story that Byron wrote.
And in addition to this being generally fascinating, there's something so fun about this in the context of VnC.
The Case Study of Vanitas is its own story, but it's also so chock full of allusions and references that you could almost call it a pastiche. Half its characters are half-crafted out of pre-existing characters and historical figures, but they're only ever halfway stolen. There's always something new built from the base of the reference.
And in a big way, that's what Polidori did back when he penned the first piece of modern vampire literature. His first vampire was partly a reference to a real man, partly borrowed from a pre-existing story (Byron's fragment), and partly conjured from Polidori's own imagination. It's history and literature and new content all bundled together, just like VnC is.
Lord August Ruthven is a reference to Polidori's Lord Ruthven, who was in turn a reference to Lord Byron. He's named after both Byron's Augustus Darvell and Polidori's Ruthven, and Polidori's Ruthven is named after Lamb's Ruthven (who was also based on Lord Byron). He's yet another layer on this tower of self-referential Ruthven-ness, now totally abstracted from any real Byron traits.
As much as Mochijun is playing with the tropes and ideas of this era of vampire literature, it's really fun to see how her tendency toward allusion and reference is itself a nod back to vampire literature's beginnings. It's another way in which VnC slots in as another link in this 200 year old literary conversation.
Anyway, if you want to learn more about the bonkers story behind the Vampyre, here's a link to a not super scholarly but very entertaining essay about it.
#this is without a doubt the nerdiest post I've made on this blog lmao#I did a bunch of reading on polidori right after I finished the vampyre and I have not stopped thinking about it since#and the way that the story fits so well with mochijun's own referential tendencies in vnc genuinely brings me so much delight#it's fun having a manga that's engaging with a literary/cultural canon I've studied and am generally so familiar with#really helps with talking about the allusions lol#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#august ruthven my beloved#august ruthven#lord august ruthven#comparison#noé arqueueviste
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Yoimiya winding down ✨
#First time trying this more sketchy style!!#Made this August 17th '23#Right after the patch same week as my Dehya illust#so i schedule for her birthday#Yoimiya#Genshin Impact#Genshin Fanart#digital illustration
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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the#old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't#it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there#which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th#to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see#your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves#only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post#on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to#miss one to this day. going strong#bibarel#can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal#OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who#didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like#better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel#so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu#do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o#any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog#and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see#hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me#actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so
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dear lord i am not going to survive this martini
#my goal this year is to build up my big girl liquor cabinet starting today because 1) new school year and 2) bc liquor store august sale#ends today#so what's on sale this month? gin. great ill start with a martini. classic cocktail right? this cannot possibly go wrong.#no one fucking warned me. this tastes like. so in covid when hand sanitizer was scarce my mom bought 99% industrial alcohol and mixed it#with aloe vera gel and some essential oils for scent to make her own. and this tastes how i imagine that would taste#i also got some disaronno and made an amaretto sour which was delightful. a bit perfumey but it was my first time making one ill get better#so not a total waste but oh my god#“just dump it out” i paid good money for this and im no quitter i Will finish it. but this has been the worst kind of learning experience#eve.txt
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Aboard the Syndicate are an infamous group of mermaid hunters known as the Apostles, led by Captain Solomon Lane
#wowie look another faction for my mermaid au#ilsa what are you doing here?#shes doing LORE#one more crew to go and we got all our major players!!#mermaid au#solomon lane#august walker#ilsa faust#mission impossible#art#y’all drawing men is so hard for me#im trying so hard#also did not realise they all had green outfits til i was looking at refs#so uh yeah theyre the green team now#their armour is made out of hardened mermaid scales#because yknow mermaid hunters#also walker got his scar from a fight with ethan#my man is getting boiled left right and centre#magnolia draws
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Just a friendly reminder: corporations are not your friend. Not those who you purchase from, or those who you work for. They do not care about you. They are much like Lovecraft's cosmic horrors: you are small and insignificant and meaningless to them. And they are unknowably massive monstrosities that will drive you to the point of madness.
#I found out today that my father has three brain tumors#I have next to no other info than that#but he had stage 3 lung cancer last year and has been in remission since about august#I called my supervisor (who I like) and informed him that I was taking emergency leave for friday and saturday to drive down to see him#he expressed his condolences and wished me well#but also had to tell me to make sure that my team was driving metrics in my absence#I know that corporate is breathing down his neck#but metrics are the ABSOLUTE least of my concerns right now and it took everything in me to bite back how angry hearing that made me#I'm so tired and drained right now
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I'm actually so happy they took once upon a time off of netfix bc I was about to give in and rewatch it and I do not need that rn
#like 70% of that show was Bad but like. the parts that were good pleassssseee#sstfu.txt#also this did come out of me watching a ouat recap of season 2 and going YO neil amd hooks relationship IS weird and fascinating#what was up with that#i actually hate neverland arc why would i want to rewatch that#but i was very close to understand that#i just kinda love baelfire like i know everyone hates neil but i love him#also also the woman from the video i was watching hated august but i remember really liking him but she was so right#like he did suck but it was in such a funny way it made me like him more#also also also the actress that played belle continues to be so fine can we talk about that. can we#dump mr gold ill treat you right (but also unfortunately i like their toxicness too 😭😭)
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