#I love the thought of tim analyzing one of lucys favorite shows and having opinions

[my-shields-are-down]

Chenford + “Kojo did what?!”

Tim (on the phone) Your dog is in trouble with the neighborhood dogs.

Lucy: Why is he MY dog whenever he gets in trouble?

Tim: Isn’t that how he became my dog? He got into trouble because of you and your lack of Inherent Alpha dogged-ness…Ergo…

Lucy: Ergo? What is this? Are you studying for another snooty test or something?

Tim: Babe, please try to stay on topic. Kojo … well, he was a bit of a “dawg” a big ole dirty dawg.

Lucy: Kojo did what now? I’m confused, he is a big and often times dirty dog. Can you be more specific?

Tim: Really? You make me listen to poppy gangsta rap for hours on end and then you don’t know what I’m saying when I speak that language?

Lucy: Tim, you are a white-boy from the suburbs. You should never use that language. So again, what did Kojo do?

Tim: yeah, so apparently when Trish walks him during the day, she usually walks one of the other dogs in the neighborhood. There’s 4 main pups that rotate in and out. Trish thinks that each lady dog secretly loves Kojo - thinks they are his girlfriend.

Lucy: And? (Knowing full well what he means but egging him on anyway)

Tim: You really need me to explain this? Good grief. Ok. The trouble started when one of his “regular” walking mates got pregnant and the owners can’t figure out how it happened and there was a big blow up at the dog park when all 4 dogs and their owners were there when Kojo and Trish showed up. The dogs started barking and growling at each other and Trish said three of them ganged up and growled at the pregnant dog - who btw has the most hilarious new haircut and Kojo sat there like…. he was king of the park. You know … like..

Lucy is desperately trying to stop herself from laughing, but little squeaks and huffs keeps eking out as he gets deeper and deeper into the story.

Tim: Oh god. Well like that super misogynistic old season of The Bachelor you made me watch - with Jake Pavelka? - where all the bachelorettes hated that one chick with the sausage name and thought she was trashy because she was from the Florida swamps and she just wanted to beat them all and win for winning’s sake, and then she did beat out the tea name lady who had a voice like a chipmunk because Ali - who went on to be the next bachelorette- got fired from Facebook for being on the show and out for so long- left the show to try to salvage her job. She really dodged a bullet. Anyway…. Vienna - that’s her name- Vienna won but then forgot that the douche canoe was the prize… and Tenley -

Lucy finally cannot hold it in any longer - she busts out into hysterical laughter at Tim’s spot on analysis of that season. “Stop, please stop. I can’t breathe… I can’t…. Hahahaha…. You … you are comparing our dog - OUR DOG- to arguably the worst bachelor in the history of the franchise?! Oh oh god… my sides hurt… I’m getting a cramp. Honey… oh.. oh… I get it “dawg” d-a-w-g. Nice pun. Oh … oh… because his four walking companions were being all possessive of him and what ganging up on the pregnant one like oh! That one party where they ganged up on Vienna and totally bullied her? …. Stop it, stop,. you never said any of that stuff when we were watching, just gave me that annoyed side-eye… (snort). This might be my favorite retelling of the days events ever. Ohhh. I should’ve recorded it….”

Tim, on the other end of the phone is again giving her the annoyed side-eyed look, but he’s never heard Lucy laugh like this - so overcome that the sound of pure joy is bursting out of her and he feels another hole in his heart close up and mend. He now knows it’s not if he’s going to ask her, but when.

Lucy is still laughing when Tim scratches Kojo’s head and leans down to whisper good job. “Too bad you’re fixed or it really would be the most dramatic season ever…”

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PS - I love that in most fan fiction, Lucy makes Tim watch trashy tv. So I could totally see him analyze both the men and women who are on the bachelor and bachelorette and know so much more than he ever lets on. He’s masterful at reading people and their motivation. The Bachelor seasons would be a gold mine for him. Plus Tim would watch because Lucy loves it and he loves her - that is… unless The Rams are playing Monday night then all bets are off.

PPS - that is not Jake in the gif below - but Jesse Palmer, former QB of the Giants, who would’ve been the bachelor my season if I had made it beyond the semi-final round of auditions.