#I know it's a joke but it's the most perfect description of high functioning depression I've ever seen

[anamelessfool]

I'm going to tell myself what I told myself every morning when I was an "essential worker" during the Pandemic:

"Get in the robot, Shinji. Get in the goddamn robot."

[foursideharmony]

That Thing Where We Post About Our Own Sides

I realize that the fandom is currently hanging around the intersection of We’re Not Talking About That Anymore Street and NEW CONTENT NEW CONTENT NEW CONTENT Boulevard, but I’ve been sitting on this for MONTHS and it’s about time I got it out there. Here, then, are my own Sides--names, functions, descriptions, and relationships with each other.

Sophia is my Intellect—a combination of reason, curiosity, objectivity, pragmatism, and a dash of pedantry. She is the nominal leader of my Sides, if only because she is the only one with any decent organizational skills whatsoever. She wants to learn everything and is deeply frustrated by all the things she doesn’t know, as well as any absence of sense she perceives in the actions of others. She takes on the responsibility of reining in the others’ wilder, more “unrealistic” impulses, but at her core she just wants to get along with them better. She is half the reason I have so many bookshelves, and is definitely behind my preference for linguistic precision. Her key element is Earth, the element of the tangible and material. Motto: “Catalog the world.” Fashion sense: Business casual.

Solena is my Introversion/Independence—the “go it alone” facet. She is proud, stubborn (they’re all stubborn, but she tops the list), quiet, and sometimes a little rude in a standoffish way. It’s not that she doesn’t like people, but she doesn’t understand them very well. Her key element is Wood—like a lone tree atop a hill, she stands on her own, bothers no one, and asks nothing but to be unbothered in turn. Motto: “Ignore the world.” Fashion sense: Casual

Wanda is my Wonder—my inner child, the part of me that is absolutely gobsmacked by how amazing the world is. She is an unabashed sensualist, bordering on a hedonist; she loves food, music, movies, nature, culture, art, science, and fantasy. (She is the other half of the reason I have so many bookshelves.) She is also largely responsible for my spirituality—if the things we can see and prove are this astounding, imagine what the things we can’t see and prove are like! Her key element is Water, the element of emotion, change, and variety. Motto: “Experience the world.” Fashion sense: Whimsical/Fantasy (she likes “witch” clothes)

Madge is my Creativity, which makes her a multifaceted facet—she writes, sews, does all kinds of crafts, sings, and tells jokes. She usually sports at least one or two Band-aids on her fingers, from pin jabs, hot glue burns, and paper cuts. She is very much a perfectionist who often consults the other Sides to make sure she hasn’t overlooked anything. Her key element is Air, the element of ideas and freedom. Motto: “Reinvent the world.” Fashion sense: Cosplay and/or period costume

Justine is my Justice—my moral center, which is based on fairness and equity. Nothing enrages her more than bullies, cheats, and oppressors. She was pretty quiet, humming along in the background, for most of my life, but suddenly got angry and LOUD…oh, around November 2016. She is a crusader…a paladin, in D&D terms, though she’s more of a chaotic good “Holy Liberator” than a standard lawful good paladin. She means well, but she tends toward knee-jerk reactions and has trouble with the idea of compromise. Her key element is Fire, the element of will power and zeal. Motto: “Save the world.” Fashion sense: Superhero + protest buttons

Melanie is my Pessimism—a knotty ball of anxiety, depression, and cynicism. Her main talent is seeing the worst in every person, situation, or thing she encounters. She claims to be keeping my expectations low so that if there are any surprises, at least they’ll be pleasant ones, but she’s not happy and she knows it. None of the others like her much, even though they need her to balance out the team. She doesn’t like herself much either, but she’d rather be who she is than disappear, and due to her worldview, those are the only two options she can think of. Her key element is Ice, the element of stasis and gloom. Motto: “Avoid the world.” Fashion sense: Pajamas

And finally, the true villain of the piece:

Sadie is my Cruelty/Vengeance, the part of me that wants to take all my hurts and turn them back on those who hurt me, those who stood by and let it happen, and everyone else in the vicinity just in case they were thinking about fucking with me. She often tries to convince me that she’s Justine having a bad day…and she honestly might be; they’ve never been seen together. But that doesn’t mean Sadie is just another way of being righteous—she’s my ideals turned inside-out and toxic, and I shut her down as much as possible. She leaks through in little acts of pettiness and spite. Her key element is Metal—hard and sharp, sometimes appearing to shine brightly but only because there’s a light source nearby (i.e. possessing no light of its own). Motto: “Burn the world.” Fashion sense: Supervillain

Relationships:

Sophia/Solena: Get along great, but low energy. Perfect for working and studying with no distractions. Sophia reminds Solena that I can’t spend all my time alone.

Sophia/Wanda: Share a love of new experiences/information as well as science. There are plenty of activities that allow them to enjoy one another’s company. On the downside, Sophia finds Wanda a little too flighty sometimes, and Wanda finds Sophia to be a bit of a buzzkill when it comes to magic and fantasy.

Sophia/Madge: Complicated. Sophia provides Madge with a lot of inspiration and checks her work for accuracy and “correctness,” but she also holds her back from really cutting loose with wild ideas.

Sophia/Justine: Sophia does research so that Justine won’t be fooled by spurious claims that play to her biases. She also helps Justine strategize her actions. Not exactly a friendship, but a good working relationship.

Sophia/Melanie: Tense. Sophia considers Melanie’s negativity to be intensely unhealthy, but she looks to Melanie to spot problems that she can solve. Melanie, conversely, appreciates Sophia’s attempts to use rationality to ground her, but is convinced that she doesn’t properly understand where the negativity comes from.

Sophia/Sadie: These two don’t directly interact much. Sophia is too amoral to be either tempted or horrified by the prospect of revenge, so Sadie has no way to hook her.

Solena/Wanda: No major clashes, although Solena sometimes finds Wanda’s energy to be overwhelming. They both appreciate things like a walk in the woods.

Solena/Madge: Plenty of conflict here, but it’s not rancorous. Madge is the most extroverted of the crew, which naturally clashes with Solena’s definitive introversion.

Solena/Justine: Fundamental incompatibility—Justine wants to HELP ALL THE PEOPLE, while Solena's not interested in people at all and would rather stay home than march or phone bank.

Solena/Melanie: Pretty harmonious, but not always stable. Solena's preference for solitude gives Melanie space to sort through her many, many issues...but that space can easily turn into an echo chamber where the issues reinforce each other instead.

Solena/Sadie: They can agree on one thing: People suck. But even Solena finds Sadie's response to social disappointment to be monstrous. Why go out of my way to hurt people when I can just withdraw? Sadie thinks merely withdrawing is recklessly inadequate to protect me from further heartbreak.

Wanda/Madge: These two form a intoxicating feedback loop of inspiration and creation, occasionally requiring one of the others (usually Sophia, but sometimes Melanie) to step in and stop them before they drain too much of my function. A very high-energy pair.

Wanda/Justine: They don't have much to do with each other most of the time, but certain things leave them both clutching each other, breathless with awe...things like people coming together to multiply their power for good.

Wanda/Melanie: Wanda thinks Melanie is an absolute, 100% spoilsport. Melanie thinks Wanda is a naive idiot. Not much love lost here.

Wanda/Sadie: Wanda is terrified of Sadie, whose mere existence brings into question Wanda's foundational belief that the world is basically good and magical. For her part, Sadie is even more contemptuous of Wanda than Melanie is.

Madge/Justine: Almost the opposite of Sophia/Justine—these two get along very well, but Madge's fantasies tend to distract Justine from buckling down and doing the necessary work of her various missions. All the same, Madge is the one who gives Justine an end goal to aspire to.

Madge/Melanie: Another fundamental clash, but there are exceptions—Madge's perfectionism means that she sometimes appreciates a harsh critic to point out weaknesses in her work. Sometimes. Meanwhile, Melanie is holding out hope that Madge will invent some miraculous solution to my mental issues. They want to like each other better.

Madge/Sadie: Madge is actually the one best able to rein Sadie in, by feeding her outlandish revenge scenarios involving things like time travel or voodoo magic, thus distracting her from plotting more realistic forms of revenge that would definitely end badly for me.

Justine/Melanie: Justine is trying to improve the real, actual world. Melanie's constant pronouncements of doom are Not Helping.

Justine/Sadie: As previously mentioned, these two might actually be “flip Sides” of each other. They certainly never directly interact. Their ideas about how to handle wrongdoing are completely incompatible and if they did somehow meet...violence would almost certainly ensue.

Melanie/Sadie: Sadie is actively trying to recruit Melanie to her cause, and even use her as an unwitting agent to get the other Sides either on-board or shut them up. Melanie knows this, and she's terrified about it. What if Sadie succeeds? What if she's right? Whatifwhatifwhatif...

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Watamote Review: (Oh, The Cringe)

"Beware that, when fighting cringe, you yourself do not become a cringe lord yourself.. for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche: 1886 -(Probably) -(Don't Google it)

 Hello there, everybody. My name is JoyofCrimeArt, and the word "cringe" is definitely thrown around a lot these days, to the point where some say that the word is starting to lose all meaning. "Oh, you like some band or movie that I don't like? That's so cringe, lol." No, Damn it! I'm sick of all of it! I'm looking for true, unadulterated cringe, in it's purest form! The type of cringe that makes you unsure if you should laugh or cry. The type of cringe that makes you question if our species evolutionary process is going backwards or forwards. That is why I am on a quest to find this cringe, for the good of science! So today in my journey to find the most cringe thing ever created (other than myself, obviously) we will be diving head first into the deep end of the cringe pool, as we head to Japan once again to talk about the 2013 anime series Watamote. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWOTQRduHeA

(Yes, I'm using the ending credit song here. I know people love the shows opening, and while I think that the song on it's own isn't that bad and the visuals are really nice, the heavy metal doesn't really match the show in my opinion. Couple with the clever lyrics here, I find this song a better representation of the show, and much catchier.)   Watamote (Aka: No Matter How I Look at It, It’s You Guys' Fault I’m Not Popular! Aka: No Matter How I Look at It, This Series Really Needs a Shorter Title.) is a twelve episode anime series based off of the manga by the same name written by two writers who both go by the pen name Nico Tanigawa. The series follows the misadventures of main protagonist Tomoko Kuroki, a very socially backwards teenage girl who's about to enter her first year of high school. Being unpopular in middle school, Tomoko decides that high school is going to be a fresh start for her, as she decides that she will not only become the most popular girl in school, but will also get a boyfriend as well. Things do not turn out that way and hijinks ensue. Seems like a fairly standard, if not somewhat bland premise, right? Well you might assume that at first, but what if I were to tell you that this show handles the subject in such a unique and creative way, that it was actually able to became one of my personal favorite animated series of the decade so far? Why is that, you ask? Well, let's dive in and find out.  Let's start by talking about our main character, Tomoko Kuroki. Tomoko is a first year high school student who dreams of becoming popular and getting a boyfriend. However, there are two big things that makes this hard for her. The first thing is that she is not a very friendly person. She's bitter, cynical, and even a bit demented at points. She has her soft moments, but in general she tends to assume the worst in almost anybody, and holds a lot of resentment for people who are more socially skilled than she is. The second thing is that Tomoko is HEAVILY implied to suffers from a surprisingly fairly realistic depiction of social anxiety disorder. At the start of the series Tomoko is completely unable to talk to anybody outside of her own family. These two facts, particularly the latter, are what makes Tomoko's goal of becoming the most popular girl in school such an enormous challenge, and Tomoko trying to break out of her shell serves as the main arc of the series. Social anxiety disorder is not a topic that I've seen covered very much in other forms of media, and I can't think of any other series that covers it in the way Watamote does. But I'll get to that a bit later.  There are some other side characters, but honestly there aren't that many. There's Tomoko's younger and stoic brother Tomoki, who has to put up with Tomoko's annoying antics. There's also Yu, Tomoko's only friend from middle school who now goes to a separate high school. While she too was unpopular in middle school, unlike Tomoko she actually was able to reinvent herself when she entered high school by dying her hair blond and hiding her love of anime. She acts as a good contrast to Tomoko as a reflection of what Tomoko wants to be. There's also one other character who comes in near the end of the series, but I can't really talk about her to much without getting into mild spoiler territory. All of these characters are good in there own right, but other then them the show is mostly about Tomoko. This is clever as by keeping the cast of side characters small, it helps drive the point home about how lonely she really is due to her social anxiety. Resulting in about eighty five to ninety percent of the shows "dialogue" to actually be Tomoko's internal dialogue, as she talks to herself about whatever situation she is in. I've never seen a show do something like this before and it's really an interesting thing to do. It ties the audience much more into Tomoko's struggle by truly making the series her story, and her's alone. However, this means that the entire series does rely on you liking Tomoko as a character. If you don't than there isn't much else to latch on to.    Episodes of the show are pretty formulaic. They almost always center around either Tomoko coming up with some kind of hare brain scheme to get more popular or involve her being forced to act in some kind of social situation. Often times the plots do not act as much of a "linear plot" as much as a series of short vignettes that center around a theme. Like episodes four, where the plot is that "it's raining" and we get several different segments of Tomoko doing stuff while it's raining. Or episode seven, where the whole plot is just Tomoko doing several things during her summer break. It's a pretty unique format that I haven't seen many other times before and makes the episodes feel less like a coherent stories and more like just moments of Tomoko's life. I really enjoy this way of storytelling, as it makes the stories seem a lot smaller. That might sound like a bad thing, but I think it helps ground the world and the characters, and makes it feel more relatable. It makes the stories feel like something that could actually happen in real life.  Now despite how depressing this show might sound from my description of it, it is still a comedy. It's just that it's a very dark comedy. Most of the jokes in the series coming from Tomoko's failure to understand the way that people are suppose to act socially, or the leaps in logic she makes when it comes to her schemes to become more popular. This often results in what is known as "cringe comedy" or as what I like to call it "Oh God, please stop." comedy. This is a style of humor that this show has perfected to a t. Every situation that Tomoko finds herself in is uncomfortable to watch, in the best of way. It's actually a great show to watch if you are socially awkward, cause then you can say, "Well hey, at least I'm not THAT bad." Unless of course you are that bad, in which case you really need to question your life decisions.

THIS IS THE STUFF WE'RE DEALING WITH, PEOPLE!  Tomoko's plans are always doomed from the start, to the point where failure is an inevitability. This actually provides an interesting viewing experience in a strange kind of way. Most of the time in good stories a character will think of a plan that is just crazy enough to work. You as the viewer will be unsure of whether or not the characters plan will work or not and that's how the series builds suspense. But Watamote's plot structure doesn't work like that. The plots of Watamote function less like conventional stories and more like a car driving into a brick wall. What I mean by this is that whenever Tomoko comes up with any kind of plan to become popular you know form the very beginning that it's going to fail. The schemes are so disconnected from any kind of reality that it's obvious to anyone who isn't Tomoko that the plan won't work. An example of this in the episode six where she tries to become more attractive by playing dating sims game, due to the fact that she believed that by being aroused by these games, her body would create more feminine hormones, and those hormones would make her more attractive. And that's not even her dumbest plan she has in this series! You know from the start that this plan makes absolutely no Goddamn sense, but then you have to sit there for the next six to ten minutes and watch it fail. You have to watch the metaphorical car crash unfold. The show definitely has a niche style of humor that won't be for everyone, but I personally can't get enough of it.  Now, while the show has gotten mixed to positive reviews from fans and critics, those who do dislike the show site a major problem with the series being how it deals with the topic of social anxiety. Many say that the show does not tackle the topic with much tack or grace, as the series is basically about laughing at how miserable Tomoko is because of her illness. Not to mention the fact that pretty much no adult in the series tries in anyway to actually help Tomoko through her problem. Not even her parents. Many argue that this show is taking the subject to lightly. Honestly though, I disagree with this analysis, and honestly I have no idea where they would get this idea from.

Oh, Tomoko! You're so CRAY CRAY! Ha Ha! You see, it's funny because social anxiety is hilarious!  Okay, in all seriousness, I can get that complaint. Heck, now that I think about it, I honestly don't think this story would have been able to air if it came out in America due to the way it handles the issue. So the question becomes "is this show offensive to people with social anxiety disorder"? Well, I don't think so. The show does play a lot of the social anxiety stuff for laughs, but it is also played for drama as well. Tomoko's whole character arc is about her learning to cope with her condition while also trying to conquer it. And while I don't have social anxiety disorder (Though I am EXTREMELY introverted, so take of that what you will.) I think that the story would be very inspiring for someone who does have it. Watamote is a lot like an TV-MA rated version of the comic strip Peanuts, (hear me out, here!) Like Charlie Brown Tomoko is a character that the world is just out to get. She tries her hardest, but from the very beginning we know that failure is inevitable. But Tomoko never stops trying. And when she does have even the smallest of victories it feels all the more satisfying. Because Tomoko does change over the course of the twelve episodes. The change is very gradual, but as the series goes on she does become more and more confident speaking around other people, and it feels like a real accomplishments, even though it's clear at the end of the series that she still has quite a way to go. Even her motivations change over the course of the series, going from "Wanting to be the most popular girl in school and having a boyfriend" to "Just wanting a boyfriend" to "Just wanting to have a friend." It shows the struggles that comes with anxiety, but it also shows that with hard work you can rise above it, even if it's only one step at a time. For a comedy driven show it actually has a lot of heart behind it. And it's this heart that I think keeps the show from being just a show that uses social anxiety as a punchline, into a series that really treats the issue with the respect it should be treated with, albeit in a comedic way.

 The show treads a careful line into dipping into "torture porn" territory (Which, for anyone who is not aware, is a term often used to describe a show that features one character suffering over and over again for no good reason. BTDubz, we also learn is one of Tomoko's kinks.) What I mean is that as an audience member you want to watch the main character succeed in there endeavors. However, Tomoko fails ninety nine percent of the time. The series could easily dip to far and end up becoming too depressing and mean spirited. But luckily there able to carefully avoid this my making almost of Tomoko's suffering is caused by internal forces, not external. No one actually bullies Tomoko for her condition, or anything. it just that most people don't know she exists. If Tomoko could actually just talk to someone instead of overthinking things she wouldn't have a problem making friends at all. This stops the series from coming across as overly mean spirited. Because it is Tomoko, or more specifically her condition, that makes her life hard. Not anyone or anything else. Tomoko life is separated from all of her peers, and the show cleverly illustrates this by having a lot of the background characters being drawn without faces. Because, to Tomoko, there just a faceless mob. That and it probably helps cut cost on the character design budget-

 Also, the fact that Tomoko is such a jerky character also helps the series feel less like a torture porn. Cause while obviously you don't want Tomoko to suffer, it is a lot easier to watch a lovable jerk suffer compared to someone who did nothing wrong. I mean seriously, look at the way Tomoko talks about her only friend Yuu in her internal monologue!

She's such a jerk!  But because we know what she goes through it stops her from becoming to unlikeable...For the most part.  That leads me into some of the flaws with the show. While I do really love this show a lot, I believe that everything has pros and cons to it, and it deserves to be talked about. Just keep in mind though that many of these flaws are kinda nitpicks, that don't distract too much from the series as a whole.  Sometimes Tomoko can come across as to mean spirited and unlikeable. The bit before the train scene in episode four is probably the worst of it, though there at least she does learn that she was wrong. The show also has a tendency to reuse music from previous episodes, which while not that bad does get fairly noticeable as the series goes on. The series also has a lot of references to both Japanese pop cultural references and references and Japaness culture in general. For some reason a lot of the Japanese brand names or anime series that are names dropped in the series are censored out in the sub? It's weird because there not removed like they are in the dub, but they'll have one or two letters blocked out. I don't get the point. But yeah, a lot of those jokes went over my head, and would probably work better if I knew more about day to day life of a Japanese youth.  Also the ending of the series is kinda lackluster. I'm not going to go into spoilers, but Watamote is based off of a manga. A manga that is still running today, so they didn't really have an ending they could adapt. And it's kinda clear from the feeling of the finale that the people behind the anime didn't really know what to do when they got to the end of there twelve episode run. The finale isn't really that bad to be completely honest, but it does feel like a very abrupt end written by people who where just kinda guessing what the ending of the manga might end up being like.  Also, while I don't see this as a flaw, this show will not be everybody. This show will make you feel uncomfortable. A lot of scenes are really hard to watch, just due to how intentionally awkward they are. I kept out A LOT of the really cringy moments from the show out of the review as not to spoil them, but trust me. It gets truly hard to watch at some points. This is Butch Hartman's YouTube channel levels of cringe! (Okay, that's a lie, nothing is that cringe. Sorry Watamote.) It's both the shows greatest strength and greatest weakness. The humor is both very unique but also very niche, which is why while this show was fairly successful when it came out, I would find very few people other than myself who would call it one of there favorite anime series.  Now, it's time to talk about the age old debate. How should you watch the series, Dubbed or Subbed? Well, honestly, I don't really care. It's your life man, As long as you're not hurting anybody what do I care? But if you wanted my opinion, I'd be happy to share it with you! Since most of the lines come from Tomoko she'll be the big deciding factor. For the sub we have the performance of Izumi Kitta. Ms. Kitta nails the role of Tomoko in my personal opinion. She has such a meek and high pitched voice that it really sells the emotional scenes in the series. When Tomoko is forced to talk to someone in the sub her voice is at a near inaudible whisper, which really does help give you the sense that Tomoko is truly unable to communicate with most people. In the dub Tomoko is played by voice acting legend Monica Rial. Her take on Tomoko's voice is less cutesy and is a lot more nasally, which does work as an interpretation. She captures the comedy moments really well too. However, I feel like she isn't as good at capturing the moments of anxiety as well as Kitta, and due to Kitta managing to pull of the comedic and the touching side I think her take is the better version.  No offence to Monica Rial though. I do love the fact that her version of Tomoko sounds like a cross between Renge from Ouran High School Host Club  (Who she also voices in the dub) and Peridot from Steven Universe. THAT'S A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I TELLS' YA!

 So in the end, should you watch Watamote? Well, I think it depends on who you are. The series won't be for everyone. It's brand of humor is very unique, and will likely turn a lot of people off. But I think if you're the type of person who likes weird, uncomfortable humor they'll be something for you here. ESPECIALLY if you're shy or introverted. There will definitely be a part of you who will be able to relate to the show, even if you're not exactly proud that you related to it. The series is also only twelve episodes, so it isn't that much of a commitment. It's really a shame that it's only twelve episodes though, as they only ended up adapting about three and a half volumes out of the still ongoing ten volume run. They could of done more if they wanted too. But then again, leave them wanting more as they say. (That way you can force them to buy your manga set...) The series can be found subbed on Crunchyroll for free, or on Hulu if you already have an account. Unfortunately the only way to find the series dubbed legally is on DVD or blu-ray sets, and those are about thirty bucks on Amazon here in the US. However, depending on your financial situation it may just be worth it...(But God knows I don't have that kind of money!) If this review got you at all interested consider checking the series out.  So that's my review of the anime series Watamote. What do you think of the series? Which moment was the hardest to watch for you? Tell me all that in the comments down bellow. I'd love to start a conversation, even if you don't necessarily agree with all of the points I've made. Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked this review, or if you have any suggestions for any other reviews in the future. Have a great day. (Interesting fact. Whenever I'm at work during my lunch break at work I will either go to the bookstore that's right by my work establishment or I'll just sit in the break room reading my volumes of  Watamote mangas by myself while trying to make it so my co-workers can't see what I am reading. THIS SHOW IS SO ME AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING-) (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Watamote-REVIEW-Oh-the-Cringe-698766244 DA Link

[nathan-meiger-blog]

odd numbers for the nosy meme

“Well, this seems a little excessive but, alright.”

1: Virgin?

“Wow, not for a while. Ah, the lost innocence of youth. Sigh. Overrated though, if you ask me. It wasn’t even that great the first time.” 

3: Do you smoke?

“At least fifty percent of my bloodstream would be nicotine if it were possible anymore, but sadly it is not because cigarettes are hard to come by.”

5: Do you take drugs?

“Not anymore, that was more of a passing bored phase for me. Then I didn’t like the voices in my head so much so I gave it up, you know? Got a little unpleasant.” 

7: Have tattoos?

“Of course, isn’t that the bad life choice of preference for most frustrated rich boys who want to make dad angry?”

9: Got any piercings?

“Never had any desire to shove metal through any part of by body really, so no.” 

11: Best friend?

“At this point it’s Frankie and that might actually be somewhat sad.” 

13: Biggest turn ons

“Offhand? Guys without clothes? I mean that’s a pretty standard one? Right? Plus the end of the world has done wonderful things for most peoples’ gym routine.” It’s mostly a joke, mostly. “Really? Sanity is a good one; would rather not be murdered in my sleep. That really ends a fun night badly.” 

15: Favorite movie

“Silence of the Lambs. I miss that one so much. I miss less all the zombie movies but they do seem a hell of a lot more hilarious these days.”

17: Someone you miss

“Lately? Corey. But that never really goes away, and I wouldn’t want it to.”

19: A fact about your personality

“It’s not exactly the most resoundingly bright and shinning one in this camp full of off-skew people?”

21: What I love most about myself

“My charming wit, obviously.” 

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

“Good, except they’re probably all dead and that puts a real damper on holidays with the family I suppose. Just as well, I really hated those ugly sweaters and that stupid reindeer with the fucked up nose.” 

25: My idea of a perfect date

“People still date? This comes as a shock to me. What does that involve? A nice, romantic trip looting a movie theater followed by a moonlit stroll through the woods with extra ammo?” Dating one-oh-one, zombie style. “Sounds just magical.” 

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

“Nobody is currently occupying this highly coveted spot in my delusions.” 

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

“You want one reason? Or do you want the reasons that were supposed to make the truth hurt less? Because I’ve done both, plenty of times.” 

31: What your last text message says

A pause, brow furrowed, obvious pain there for an instant before it fades from his voice and sinks back into the depths of his gaze. “…’We’ll meet you outside the front doors.’”

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

“I’m not dead yet.”

35: What I find attractive in men

“Alive is good, always. Sense of humor is a plus because this fucked up world requires that to survive, and a high tolerance for dramatics and sarcasm is highly attractive. Being intelligent enough to function on a level well above a golden retriever is also absolutely tempting. Clearly my standards are far too high.” 

37: One of my insecurities

“One? That’s it? Let me pick my favorite.” Considering that, it is something to contemplate for a long moment. “Mental instability is a good one, right?”

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

“I can’t stand ice cream, it’s disgusting.” 

41: Where I want to be right now

“Not going to say home, because that would be a lie. It’s not so much the where I’d want to be as the who I want to be with, but that doesn’t matter much.” 

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

“Going to have to take a pass on that one, it would just depress me trying to think of someone because then I would be highly disappointed that they’re probably dead.” A chuckle, shrug, maybe an evasion of the question but did it really matter? 

[broukuto]

i wanna talk about trans girl oikawa

(putting under read more because this is a Lot. i’m using she/her pronouns for oikawa. and also warnings for like generalized angst, mentions and light descriptions of anxiety, depression, dysphoria. this is loosely inspired by my own trans experience)

so oikawa probably didn’t have the Word For It growing up and in adolescence but definitely knew that she was meant to be something different. she couldn’t quite figure out what or why.

volleyball proved to be a great distraction because all that mattered was that she was good, if not great. a great volleyball player, full stop. however she pushes herself too hard to be perfect at this, that she ends up hurting her knee during her second year.

in high school, despite being the most adored and chased after by girls of her peers, oikawa began developing more feminine traits; manners of speech, quirks, even things seen as “girly” like hair and skincare. which to oikawa, was extremely important - still, 17 and not quite found the Word for what she was feeling, knew that it was important for her to be able to control at least this aspect of their physical appearance. 

it’s not that she ever really hated her body - it served a function, to play volleyball well. but she didn’t love it. it was very easy for her to dissociate and compartmentalize that aspect of herself as to sort of make up for the generalized unease and underlying dysphoria she was always feeling. 

 things didn’t really click until she got her first girlfriend, who was expecting a boyfriend from oikawa. it wasn’t that she wasnt attracted to her, but she always found herself being more jealous of her, than anything. she was the first girl oikawa really knew and could get to be around up close and often - and that’s when it all clicked. oikawa wanted to be her, or at least, just like her. 

oikawa realized the feelings she always had, was because she wanted be a girl, deep down. and things felt right, as if a thousand questions had been answered. but still, it didn’t quite make the “apartness” oikawa felt from hajime and the team that she’d always felt. though they were always friends and oikawa did her best to be a great captain, she didn’t always feel like one of them. 

she didn’t know how to relate to the “guy things” they’d talk about, though oikawa was still physically male. and now knowing that she was transgender, only furthered the divide. 

hajime had been her best friend since infancy. they shared everything together since before they could remember. so it was an easy decision to want to tell him. one afternoon, hajime comes over and finds oikawa wearing lipstick. he laughs and tells her she looks dumb (of course he thinks this is just his Guy Friend messing around and doesn’t Know, please don’t hate him). Oikawa, testing the waters, teases and asks if hajime doesn’t think they would make a pretty girl. Hajime scrunches his face and says “Ew of couse not.” Something in Oikawa breaks, she goes to the bathroom to scrub off the lipstick, and they never talk about it again. Hajime doesn’t know, or else he wouldn’t have made fun - that’s what she tells herself, but it doesn’t make it easier to want to now.

the years pass. they graduate high school, they go to different colleges. oikawa passes the time with classes and volleyball. the easiest and time-tested distraction from The Gender Problem. however in her senior year, she decides to retire early. the knee problem from high school is flaring up again and if she’d like to live a life without irreparable damage, she’s advised to stop. 

it hurts because volleyball has given her years of joy since middle school. and now only does she have to figure out who she is outside of this Amazing player, now she can’t ignore The Gender Problem. it’s one thing to flirt and be ~feminine and pay the part of everyone’s gay best friend - but that’s not who she is. she doesn’t want to be the flamboyant gay friend. 

depression and anxiety began to settle in as a result of the gender dysphoria. and guilt. how could she do this to her parents? her family? her friends? they all had expectations for oikawa that did not include this. could it be easier to just accept being Male for the family? was one person’s happiness more important than her own? there was always a clear cut and defined vision of who oikawa was, as presented to the outside world, that greately overshadowed  who oikawa wanted to be. how could she just flip the script like that and make people learn a whole new person? was it worth it?

these are questions that oikawa obsessed over

oikawa and hajime grew apart during their last year of college. hajime still played volleyball and oikawa effectively fell off the social map. they emailed sometimes and texted occasionally, but it wasn’t close to how it was. hajime begins to get worried about his best friend. the person that used to text him 17 times in a row within two hours barely responds to his texts after 2 days.

it’s a little after their university graduation that hajime is able to go visit oikawa because he can sense that something isn’t right. when they talk on the phone, oikawa sounds resigned, tired, and really just sad. though she insists that nothing is wrong. and when hajime presses, she gets mad - rather than deflective as usual - and ends the conversation. hajime has known oikawa for too long not to know that something serious is going on. 

when they see each other again, it’s been almost a year since they’ve last been in person together. oikawa is thinner, bags under the eyes from insomnia, hair longer. hajime simply asks what’s wrong, and it’s enough for oikawa to break and have a full blown anxiety attack that scares hajime to death. when he’s calmed her down enough, oikawa sleeps for almost a full day. hajime stays the whole time. 

they’re laying in bed, like when they used to have sleepovers in middle school. when oikawa wakes up, hajime is there. he doesn’t ask again what’s wrong. oikawa says, “iwa-chan, i’m a girl...i’m not....i don’t feel...i’m supposed to be a girl.” 

hajime is in shock, but tries not to let it show. he simply rests a hand on oikawa’s neck, a sign of comfort. “Shitty-kawa, why didn’t you tell me?”

oikawa tells him about the day with the lipstick. hajime barely remembers, but oikawa can remember every detail - down to how many clouds were in the sky, what food her mother left on the stove, and how many seconds it took to scrub the lipstick off. 87. 

she tells him that she knew he didn’t really mean anything bad by it, and that if he knew, he wouldn’t, or at least hoped, that he wouldn’t have made a joke like that. but oikawa had spent the years being around boys. she’d heard all the jokes, all the “locker room talk”. and it scared her to death. she couldn’t live with the idea of her favorite person thinking of her as a joke, or worse something bad or depraved, and not wanting to be friends anymore. so she kept it a secret, for him, for their team, for their families. 

what oikawa doesnt expect from hajime then, is to cry. at first she thinks he’s crying out of anger or disappointment, as she’d always feared. but then hajime pulls her into his chest and apologizes. “i’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own for so long. i’m so sorry you thought i’d hate you.”

hajime then says he thought oikawa was just really really gay and was fine with that too, but admits that this does make more sense. he remembers all the times oikawa would scoff at hajime, or the other team members doing something Manly and Stupid like “ugh, Men.” 

after that it becomes easier. hajime and oikawa become roommates in a new city. over the first few months, oikawa begins using a new name, dressing as a girl more and more - starting with around the house, little trips to the store, and gradually more and more until she’s permanently comfortable being a girl in public for the world to see. her hair has grown long, and hajime absolutely eats his words when he stupidly said that she would make an ugly girl. oikawa smugly declares that no one can be as perfect as she - a gorgeous specimen in all genders.

oikawa doesn’t begin hormone therapy until after she comes out to her family. she doesn’t want to feel like she’s keeping secrets any longer. it’s hard for her family, at first, as expected. not exactly opposed or against, just shocked is all. her father says that he just began to accept her as an effiminate gay man, but her impressive sports career made up for it. He and oikawa’s mother are from a different generation and these things are still new and they don’t quite understand, but oikawa is still their child. 

shock is what oikawa expected. disownment is what he assumed - though his family says they could never. the fact of it is, oikawa still lives in a culture where being transgender is still a work in progress. but his family, parents, his sister, and nephew, all agree to try and get to know the new oikawa, and its the best she can hope for for now. 

at 25, it’s hard to know when oikawa and hajime begin dating, but it seems they always had been. not just recently, but since they were kids. they’ve always loved each other, only now it means something more. one thing oikawa was always afraid of, when even thinking about pursuing her feelings with hajime, was that hajime would still view her body as male. but they work at that too, trust, relearning, time, all of it. it all works out in the end. 

(also i was thinking high key abt oikawa becoming a model but wasn’t sure how to fit this in the au, alas

the end

[shaddxo]

Personal research.

The effect of insensitive language on Instagram.

Group dynamics in real life.

Language and communication is a big aspect on the social media platform Instagram. There is a lot of controversy with regards to control. Many hateful comments slip through but there is also difficulty with expressing yourself. Since the social media platform is so big, there is a bigger area to reach. Most people do not think about this when they are posting something. Especially for celebrities and A-listers, the comments under a picture can be extreme. Many people respond to not only the picture but also comments that other people have made, often resulting in hateful or insensitive language. Some people say that everyone is too sensitive and can’t handle a joke or that women should accept jokes and not be so feminist.

A group may disagree within itself as to what is acceptable and what is not. Many seemingly inoffensive terms develop negative meanings over time and become dated or go out of style as awareness changes. A "within the group" rule often applies, which allows a member of a group to use terms freely that would be considered offensive if used by a non-member of the group.

What is considered acceptable shifts constantly as people become more aware of language and its power. The rapid changes of the last few decades have left many people puzzled and afraid of unintentionally insulting someone. At the same time, these changes have angered others, who criticize what they see as extremes of ‘political correctness’ in rules that alter language to the point of confusing, even destroying, its meaning. The neglect of traditional usages has also upset many people. It is true that some are more extreme attempts to avoid offending language. It is also true that heightened sensitivity in language is a statement of respect, implies accuracy of thought, and is a positive move toward correcting the unequal social status between one group and another.

What are examples of insensitive language on Instagram?

Sexism

Sexism is the most difficult subject to avoid, in part because of the agreement of using man or men and he or his to refer to people of either sex. Other, more disrespectful principles include giving descriptions of women in terms of age and appearance while describing men in terms of accomplishment.

Sexual Orientation

The term homosexual to describe a man or woman is increasingly replaced by the terms gay for men and lesbian for women. Homosexual as a noun is sometimes used only in reference to a male. Among homosexuals, certain terms (such as queer and dyke) that are usually considered offensive have been gaining currency in recent years. However, it is still prudent to avoid these terms in standard contexts.

Avoiding Depersonalization of Persons with Disabilities or Illnesses Terminology that emphasizes the person rather than the disability is generally preferred. Handicap is used to refer to the environmental barrier that affects the person. (Stairs handicap a person who uses a wheelchair.) While words such as crazy, demented, and insane are used in facetious or informal contexts, these terms are not used to describe people with clinical diagnoses of mental illness. The synonyms argued, differently abled, and special are preferred by some people, but are often ridiculed and are best avoided.

What is insensitive language?

Language isn’t correct or incorrect, it’s a range from violent to freedom. Language is not about being correct or avoiding offense. It’s about creating the opportunity for perspectives that have historically been silenced to shine. It’s about empowerment, and agency, and collective care. It’s about liberation.

The idea that avoiding “offending” people is the primary goal of sensitive language is inherently minimizing—it automatically calls up the idea that being offended is a result of being either overcritical or oversensitive, nothing more. It also squarely puts the burden of how language is experienced on the people who are hearing or reading it. It says that if you are offended by particular language, it’s your fault, not the speaker or author’s.

Focusing on offense does not allow for the possibility that a person could be negatively impacted by careless or hostile language. The worst thing they can experience is being offended. Everything about this line of reasoning is rude in nature. The solution for “being offended” is not for responsibility to be taken by the person who caused the offense, it’s for the listening or reader to simply stop being offended: “toughen up,” recognize that no offense was intended, “grow up.” Whenever someone is called out for using sexist language, the first line of defense is always “but it was just a joke”.

So if someone asks two women, “So, who’s the man in your relationship?” those words build on a century of oppressive language that has kept non-heterosexual people downgraded. The two women might react with anger, frustration, tears or silence. Are they offended? Sure, but that’s not the point. The point is they’ve been hurt, and their pain has deep roots.

Perhaps the person didn’t mean to hurt anyone. After all, many people who ask that question are trying to be insulting, but many others are genuinely curious and have no idea how gender roles play out in same-sex relationships.

With regards to insensitive language, I have had many experiences. I often feel offended myself, I am a very sensitive person and can be offended really easily. Not with regards to sexism but mostly with the way that a person talks to me. Their words or sentences may not be meant insensitive but to me it can sound harsh or direct. If someone answers my question in a harsh matter, I can wonder about this all day and try to figure out the reason for this. With this being said, I am also a person that regularly makes mistakes and usually accidently hurt someone with my remarks. If I make a joke that is not suitable or a question that is misplaces, I definitely get a offended reaction back. This is why I know that I think faster than that I speak. My mind has already made a remark and said it while afterwards I am shocked myself.

Why are these comments even made?

Given so many people loudly object to offensive language, why do people continue to speak this way?

There is a research a women undertook with her colleague: 

’’In a study I undertook with a colleague, we asked men to select a joke from a series of pairs that included a clearly sexist joke (such as, “What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side”) and a joke that was not specifically offensive to women (such as, “Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish”).

The male participants believe they were interacting over a computer with two other students, one male and one female. In reality, the students they were interacting with were computer-generated, and we altered the reactions these fake peers had to the sexist jokes to see if this influenced how many sexist jokes the participants would choose to send.

The male participants were not influenced by whether or not a woman objected to sexist jokes. They were, however, highly sensitive to how they thought another man would react to them, reducing their use of sexist jokes if they thought a man would be object.

What these results show is these jokes appear to have a “male bonding” function – that, primarily, men make such jokes typically to impress other men. Other research has suggested a similar function for homophobic slurs.

Most likely, making jokes about women or using homophobic slurs work to enhance (straight) male bonding because women and gay men represent the “other”; they are what social psychologists refer to as “out-groups” relative to a heterosexual male “in-group”.’’

Result:

These results surprised me very much actually. I did think that people are ‘followers’ and tend to follow up on someone’s opinion even when they think differently, but I did not think of insensitive language as a bonding tool. I usually think of insensitive language as a way of seeking attention. This research defines my opinion even more.

 The effect of insensitive language on Instagram.

 Photo-based activity on Instagram has been found as contributing to body image concerns. There are many studies that investigate the effect of number of likes accompanying Instagram images on women's own body dissatisfaction.

’’Participants in a recent studies were 220 female undergraduate students who were randomly assigned to view a set of the thin ideal or average images paired with a low or high number of likes presented in an Instagram frame. Results showed that exposure to thin-ideal images led to greater body and facial dissatisfaction than average images. While the number of likes had no effect on body dissatisfaction or appearance comparison, it had a positive effect on facial dissatisfaction. These effects were not moderated by Instagram’s involvement, but greater investment in Instagram’s likes was associated with more appearance comparison and facial dissatisfaction. The results demonstrate how the outstandingly social aspects of social media such as likes can affect someone’s body image.’’

Among young people, the rates of anxiety and depression have escalated rapidly over the past 25 years, increasing by 70 percent. Researchers have reason to believe social media has played a part in this increase. Heavy social media users have been found to report poor mental health. While all social networks appear to have a negative impact on users’ body image, body image issues are particularly frequent on Instagram, which is said to be used mainly by women and has a younger age demographic, 90 percent of Instagram users are under 35. Photos uploaded to Instagram present an unrealistic perfect image, as countless photos are thoroughly chosen and photoshopped to hide any flaws.

This is not only with regards to only likes or only women. Positive appearance comments on Instagram photos lead to greater body dissatisfaction. These comments can negatively impact body image and sleep, increases bullying, “FOMO” (fear of missing out), and leads to greater feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The positive effects of Instagram can be self-expression, self-identity, community building, and emotional support. Although many people love the app and see no harm. There is a very big hidden world. Celebrities or influencers are sharing their opinion more then ever. Many feel depressed, lonely or insecure. Their life is not as picture perfect as it seems to be. They feel left out (FOMO) when they cannot attend a party and many teenagers relate to this. Though there's nothing essentially dangerous about Instagram, the main scares are mean behavior among peers, inappropriate photos or videos that can hurt a teen's reputation or attract the wrong kind of attention, overuse, and of course, privacy.

I notice this behavior and actually relate to it myself. I, fortunately, do not receive rude or insensitive comments but I do feel miserable or lonely more often when I use Instagram.

Thankfully now Instagram users can control who can comment on their photos and videos. They can choose to: allow comments from everyone, people they follow and those people’s followers, just the people they follow, or their followers. Instagram users can also remove comments entirely from their posts. Instagram also has controls that help you manage the content you see and determine when comments are offensive or intended to bully or harass. There are filters that automatically remove offensive words and phrases and bullying comments.

Sources:

https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/The-Effect-of-Instagram-on-Self-Esteem-and-Life-Dion/5b94ce76bd38768e5d406faca4c16ae34ab5dd49

 https://www.hffmcsd.org/site/handlers/filedownload.ashx?moduleinstanceid=211&dataid=868&FileName=avoiding%20insensitive%20and%20offensive%20language1.pdf

 https://radicalcopyeditor.com/2016/10/24/part-5-put-political-correctness-back-where-it-belongs/

 https://theconversation.com/its-just-a-joke-the-subtle-effects-of-offensive-language-62440

 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/326580674_The_effect_of_Instagram_likes_on_women's_social_comparison_and_body_dissatisfaction

 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1740144518301360

 https://www.psychalive.org/worst-mental-health-instagram-facebook-youtube/