#I know it’s not actually Evans speaking Italian

[jessieren]

I like to think in the third picture he’s reading a print out of tumblr posts 😂😂

“Umm they’re saying what now????”

Happy Sunday to everyone. Let's hope the upcoming week doesn't completely suck hahaha

Smiling/laughing Shaun to keep cleansing the brain from UIKY (will I ever watch it? Who knows!)

Also, tonight will air season eight's first episode of endeavour (of course hahaha) here in Italy. I've already watched it (cannot say how, though 🤫👀) but who am I to not watch it for the umpteenth time??

[thebestbartycrouch]

Intro timeeee

Hiiiiii I’m Barty!

Do NOT call me Bartemius you will not get a second warning

I’m 16

I’m Italian 🇮🇹🇮🇹 (wish I could speak the language)

Bisexual 💪

He/him

Slytherin!! as in the best house

I’m taken 💍💍 (even when we’re both ghosts)

Baddest bitches I know:

@def-not-the-real-evan-rosier - my ROSIEEE

@j4m3s-p0tter - a gryffindor but not insufferable

@loony-lupin-official - he’s an evil mastermind don’t let him convince you he’s not

@i-can-fucking-swim - little reggieee

@isawpandorasbox - sweet panda (she’s also crazy but in the best way)

@dd-meadowes - cassss!! Badass (terrifying)

@not-your-lilyflower - Lily is also a badass can’t lie

@your-chchcherry-bomb - Marlene icon, brilliant music taste, little bit crazy

@petepetepeterr - rattus rattus (don’t think I don’t know)

@i-am-a-literal-star - the more annoying black brother

I like rlly loud music especially måneskin, horror movies and doing all the crazy stuff you actually wanna do but won’t

[chacharealsmoothwithme]

I'm gonna give u my black brothers hc because i have no one else to share them with:

-they both have a resting bitch face. pure dead stare.

-sarcastic little shits

-sirius face is completely "blank"while regulus has so many freckles

-they both have grey eyes and they don't like change with the light or anything,at best they become darker during thunderstorms

-sirius listens to glam rock and classic rock while regulus listens to indie and rap(not the cringe kind obv)

-sirius wears moon/star earings while reg has sun/star ones,the stars were the same pair they split it

-they don't like spending money but it's because they think they don't need anything (they feel like they're aren't enough to buy stuff for themselves) but they also feel guilty about that because they know they have the money

-sirius is nonbinary/genderfluid and just lives dressing badass,clothes don't have gender

-regulus is trans and feels euphoric wearing evans' shirts because he's like MANLY MAN!1! so yk, (evan is not that but shh)

-they both did ballet and fencing(muggle au)

-they were taught: piano,violin,transverse flute, they also took individual singing lessons and were part of the church's choir

-sirius learned on his own to play the guitar (classic and electric)

-and then he taught reg how to play it

-reg learned on his own how to play the bass and the drums

-they are spooked by the sea but find it fascinating

-sirius had to take his drivers license test twice bc there was a deer in the street and he thought it was prongs (when they told him he pretended it wasn't him but it actually was(moon's idea)) (sirius still thinks it wasn't him)

-regulus loves to drive Sirius' bike and every time he comes back from a ride he pretends to have scratched it by accident and sirius believes him every time

-i almost forgot,sirius has wavy hair while reg's is very curly

-[this is the second thing I'm adding sorry]

they speak: english,french,italian,japanese,german

they also know:latin, ancient greek,and old japanese,plus ancient runes

[t1oui]

chaotic bcj headcanons bc i have brainrot about this man OFTEN

italian, greek (mum), british, and spanish (dad)

grew up in italy, it's his first language (he was invited to hogwarts bc his dad works for the ministry)

can learn a language in about 2 seconds

speaks italian, english, greek, and spanish (only learned it to spite his dad who can't speak spanish)

almost sorted into ravenclaw, he was nearly a hatstall

likes to spend his time pointing out all the reasons why english sucks (he is probably the best english speaker of all his friends and he wasn't fluent till he was 11 (they've been speaking english their entire lives))

very tall. it is literally impossible to lose this man in a crowd

loves to swim but gets pissy if the water's too warm

is a sub 100%. if evan is ace he's still a sub but in a nonsexual way

he's crazy in the way that all smart people are a lil crazy because nobody fully understands him (read: he's best friends with lily evans)

makes fun of jegulus for being jealous but will throw hands if someone smiles at evan from across the great hall

in constant need of piggyback rides but too tall to get them from anybody but remus

love language is physical touch, if he is not touching someone at all times he gets anxious

this usually means holding hands with his friends... and biting evan

worships the ground his bf walks on daily <3

never studies but has perfect grades

loves dying his hair, usually green but also random colors like red and purple and blue (pandora's favorite color)

once sirius dyed barty's hair hot pink to get back at him for who knows what it's barty but barty actually loved it (sirius was PISSED)

bisexual

happily asks evan to give him pictures to wank to (evan obliges)

have i mentioned he's a total fucking simp. yeah

was quidditch commentator for 2 seconds before mcgonagall fired him (he kept gossiping about the players)

actually loves people so deeply it hurts (james does the same thing but his love for people is on the surface while barty hides his most of the time)

hella adhd

insists on being the little spoon, can't sleep otherwise

has a ton of piercings and is completely COVERED in tattoos (at least half are dedicated to evan, the other half to the rest of his friends (including the gryffindors, especially lily!!))

mama's boy, like this man brings up his mom every 6 seconds, he thinks she's the smartest person on earth (other than evan ofc)

has a lot in common with james (as seen above), barty beefs with him for about a month and then realizes james is actually super chill (james and evan were already friends lol)

the biggest fuck you to his dad? not only does he hate politics, he wants to be an artist

likes painting just fine, and drawing is ok (he mostly just draws evan and the skittles, sometimes others like lily and james), but he LOVES ceramics

is an amazing cook, spends a lot of time in the kitchens with the house elves

(in a world without voldemort, he and hermione granger would get along very well)

favorite subjects are charms and defense against the dark arts (y'all remember when he was actually kind of a good dada professor in gof? yeah)

my computer's about to die so i'll leave it here, might add more later tho <3

[evanrosierswife]

intro post i guess :p

HEYY im barty

pands said i should do one of these sooo here i am

stuff about me:

im like if the coolest guy you ever met had daddy issues and a god complex

im like a racoon apparently??

he/him but go nuts honestly

GAY AS FUCK (fuck you dad)

slytherin 😝😝

MY FAVORITEST PEOPLE EVER:

@rosy-evan - my wonderful amazing gorgeous boyfriend and best friend, rosie. i AM his wife and hes MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE (and peters) <333

@ratboy-peter - AJDKFHSKFHSK. my other boyfriend, petey. hes so pretty and incredible and smart AND HES MINE AND ROSIE'S HE LIKES US BACK SO BACK OFF EVERYONE YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE. <333 (hes still obsessed with my bones i think but its quite endearing)

my friends:

@pands-rosier - the man the myth the legend herself, the absolutely CRAZY DONT LET HER FOOL YOU, amazing girl that i call pandora.

@regulus-fucking-black - one of my favorite people EVER, he loves me dont let him tell you otherwise. hes always after me for my "atrocious spelling and grammar" whatever that means

@dorkassdorcas - dorcass >:)) there are no words

the gryffindors 😔😔:

@that-one-lesbian-mckinnon - dorcas' girlfriend and also VERY awesome not too bad for a gryffindor

@lillsthoughts - one of dora's favorite people, so i guess she's ok. seems like she thinks im crazy, which may be true.... but still

@thatgirlmary - another one of the gryffindors i dont really know her really but shes friends with marlene and lily

@onesingleprong - potter, he's alright (don't tell him i said that) regulus likes him. he's easy to bully (as a friend, "of course") but he's actually pretty cool

@the-best-star - black, regulus's brother. hes loud and annoying but not in the fun way. i dont like him that much

@moony-agedaydream - lupin, he's pretty quiet, likes reading and stuff. hes dating black. bit boring. i like him fine but i still havent forgotten the incident with pete

people i dont really know:

@n4rcissa-blck - narcissa, regulus' cousin. i don't know her that well, but she seems alright. dont think she likes me (im a bad influence, isnt that right reggie?)

@andys-galaxyy - andromeda, another one of reggie's cousins i don't really know her but she seems alright

(fuck jkr. this is a rp and my depiction of barty, if you dont like it, dont interact (or you can share hcs POLITELY in my asks or dms) dm @jess-quillkiller or @pands-rosier to join!!!)

*SOME THINGS NEED TO BE ADDED OR CHANGED*

OOC WARNING: I DO NOT SPEAK ITALIAN. IM USING GOOGLE TRANSLATE PLEASE DO NOT ATTACK ME FOR IT.

[babiebom]

Dbd Killers as Nicknames my friends and I use in game

A/N: because i think. I only have like one thing posted for dbd. These are the Male Killers!

Tw:maybe cursing? None? Slight sexualization of certain killers?

Genre:headcanons? Or written like headcanons at least

Wc: maybe 3+ for each killer?

The Trapper/Evan Macmillan

Has no nickname

Is just "the trapper"

Always said in a panic tho

Is usually called a "stupid stupid man"

The Clown/Jeffrey Hawk

"Oh it's *imitation of him coughing*"

His nickname is just us coughing in gross ways

Also "you absolute baboon" by when we're upset

The Ghostface/Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson

My boyfriend

I exclusively call him this

Everyone else says "oh no your boyfriend is here"

Or we call him Ghost-a Fa-che in really bad italian accents

The Executioner/Pyramid Head

Conehead

Forgot the word pyramid

Also trianglehead

Usually proceeded or followed by "ewwwwww why is he sludging up the place????"

The Twins/Victor Deshayes

Ugly little baby

We forgot that he is not really a baby

We also call him Viktor Vector

Usually followed by "kill her little baby"

Or "stomp on himmmmm"

Then "yeah that's what you get you ugly baby"

The Mastermind/Albert Wesker

Lil Kitty Meow Meow

Bc I accidentally called him whisker

And that reminded me of the Lil kitty meow meow meme

Is usually followed by his "urgh" when he does the dashy thing

The Nemesis/Nemesis

Nemesussy

It was a slip of the tongue that stuck

I also call him Thanos half the time

I forget his name and panic

Then call him Thanos because big purple man

Usually proceeded by "oh god it's Thanos I can see his stupid little zombies"

The Doctor/Herman Carter

Has no nickname but is usually called out by saying "sorry I can't talk right now he's ELECTROCUTING ME"

followed by imitations of his laugh

The Legion/Frank&Joey

I do not know how to write this

It's literally just The Legion but pronounced with a very bad French accent

Also Franklin or Frankie-boy

And Josepher and "which one is this one again"

The Trickster/Jiwoon Hak

We either call him Trickster

Or Jungkook from Bts(yes this whole thing)

Is usually followed by "bob and weave and bob and weave"

Or is followed by "please dont kamsahamnida me"

The Wraith/ Phillip Ojomo

Bing Bong

Because when he hits his little thing it goes Bing Bong

Usually proceeded by "oh god" and "please don't be bingbong"

Usually followed by "oh god where did he go"

The Hillbilly/ Max Thompson Jr

We just call him by Max

I usually call him Maxie-poo

Cute

The Cannibal/ Bubba Sawyer

Like Max we just call Bubba by Bubba

Bubba is a cute nickname in of itself

The Oni/Kazan Yamaoka

Onigiri

Because I said "Oni? Like onigiri?"

Followed by screaming or "someone stop him he's eating my blood"

The Deathslinger/Caleb Quinn

Rootie tootie mcshooty shooty

Because it's funny

Also sometimes call him the hashslinger

Or hashslinging slashed

From spongebob because we again forgot his name

The Shape/Michael Myers

Miku Miku

Because I panicked when I saw him and could not speak or remember his name for the life of me

Usually followed by "oh god this is gonna be a bad match"

Also followed by singing the song but only by saying Bing and bong.

The Nightmare/Freddy Kreuger

"Ew its stupid what's his face....sleepytime....nightnight"

Has no real nickname because we're not happy to see him

"Why is there blood coming out of this...oh."

"Haha your neck is bent weird"

The Blight/Talbot Grimes

Incoherent screaming

Literally it's "uhhhh HA HUHHHH WHA HELP"

Followed by "why is he so fast?"

Or is called speedy Gonzales or Sonic

The Knight/Tarhos Kovács

I have accidentally called him the borgo

We also just call him the knight or just scream

The Cenobite/Elliot Spencer

Pinhead

I find it funny that that is an actual name for him

Because we usually call him that

The Demogorgon(?)

Or "stupid pinhead" but you get the gist

Also BabyBox

Bad doggie

He is a dog that is bad because he keeps biting me with his weird little face

The Dredge(?)

Is this thing a male? Idk but it counts

Again we are bad at remembering names

Half the time he is called the sludge

Usually followed by "why is it nighttime"

[cressthebest]

Art Heist, Baby! thoughts pt. 13

chapter 31:

1. why are they still letting regulus drive 😭😭

2. is reg just kissing james in front of all his favorite art pieces in the louvre??? like??? james is left breathless every time.. i love them

3. james says he’s gonna marry reg one day!!! i’m so excited to read the proposal that’s gonna happen in the last chapter!! (let me be delusional plssss)

4. …. is this gonna be a dorlene proposal in paris? wait!! i have such high hopes. this isn’t me being delusional, this is me actually making a guess. god i hope it’s a proposal

5. SHIT I WAS RIGHT RED ALERT RED FUCKING ALERT ITS GONNA BE A PROPOSAL!!! MARLENE IS GONNA PROPOSE TO DORCAS FUCK YEAH

6. SHE SAID YES!! DORCAS SAID YES!!!!!

7. nobody told james it was happening until moments before cause they knew he would be crying tears of happiness 😭😭😭😭 he’s such a fool i love him so much

8. sirius loves photography and regulus remembers!! sirius is surprised reg remembers, but he does!!

9. france is bad for sirius, with so many bad memories, but together him and reg are gonna paint better ones <333333

chapter 32:

1. the black brothers are fixing their bond <333

2. i don’t like that tom riddle is back. i’m very suspicious. watch him be the one to kill reg

3. god, sirius is gonna meet up with the family of those who shot him. i’m so worried this isn’t gonna end well

4. sirius just invited james and reg over to their flat they get once the heist is over. i’m sobbing

5. i love how peter is talking about how it feels to be on the outside of knowing it all, and now everyone paired off except him

6. the more and more they make plans for the future, the more worried i get. cause i know that’s gonna break me

7. god i hate lestrange

8. thank god they got out of the second exchange with no wounds

chapter 33:

1. wolfstar ✨🌙 that’s the bullet point

2. DORCAS AND MARLENE ARE STRAIGHT UP JUST HAVING THE WEDDING???? RIGHT NOW??? TOMORROW NIGHT??

3. “There was no wedding registry, but both Sirius and Remus were under the impression that a good espresso machine was the foundation for a good marriage, and therefore was necessary.” god both of them are so sleep deprived

4. “Sorry. Have you seen Dorcas? You are the hottest person I’ve ever seen Sirius but both of us combined couldn’t upstage her on her worst day. Besides, Marlene would probably sneak in here and shave each of our eyebrows off just to make sure of it.” remus is absolutely correct on all accounts

5. ““Evan looks good all the time,” Barty frowned and Remus and Sirius shared a knowing glance.” 👀 👀 remus and sirius know what’s up

6. james did an apology blow job 😭😭

7. reg speaks italian and everyone including sirius is pissed off at his skill. and barty can speak it too

8. james is gonna get a blow job at the dorlene wedding. and i just. y’all. it’s like twelve people big. they’re gonna notice you’re not there

9. sirius caught them afterwards 😳😳

10. barty and evan are staying true to character by buying dorlene a whole bunch of sex gifts 😭😭 i love them

[iamacanal]

Everton That

Losing out on the Champions League because of a roof tile.

Conceding a goal because Yobo had stopped to tie his shoelaces.

Using three goalkeepers in one game.

Having lost the the first keeper during his warm-up when he fell over the "keep off the grass" sign.

The youngster who fell off the bus and broke his leg on his way to a trial at the club.

Bournemouth 2018. That shithouse Smith getting sent off and Keane scoring to take the lead within minutes of each other and for one brief moment I experienced joy. Then Baines said "fuck joy" and gave away the softest penalty you'll ever see.

On the subject of Bournemouth waves furiously.

Might as well mention Newcastle 2-2 as well. Sorry Dad.

Thomas Mhyre losing a contact lens.

Going on an unbeaten run against United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Spurs but losing out on Europe because the coach decided to get sentimental against a relegation bound Fulham. No, honestly Marco you should totally start a creaking Jags against Mitrovic what's the worst that could happen.

Your striker being unavailable because he's currently banged up in Barlinnie is a perfectly normal thing that could happen to any perfectly normal club.

Graeme Sharp being bitten by his own dog.

Mo Johnston getting attacked by a rocking horse.

Kanchelskis

Samuel Eto'o played for Everton.

Materazzi crying. (honourable mention for him casually cradling a baby at his first press conference)

Throwing your toddler at a bemused Lyon player.

Neville Southall's sit in protest.

Neville Southall's "crap" interview explaining said protest. (and the reaction of Norman Whiteside)

The self proclaimed Best Referee in the World being brought back for one match only and doing an absolutely wonderful job.

Grim Reaper Vs Moyes. (I know it was a publicity stunt but it counts)

Mumbles something about a headlock and the resulting sassy police statement.

Howard Kendall gathering the players in a circle on the pitch post Coventry like naughty schoolchildren.

I know they'd left the club by then but accidentally blinding your best friend in a shooting incident feels uniquely Everton.

Inadvertently revealing you've signed Jonny Evans because you haven't turned down the mic on a training video.

Jonny Evans signs for Manchester United.

No one eats Duncan Ferguson's fish.

Jonestown but make it Scouse.

"Or Satan as I like to call him". The greatest moment in any football phone-in ever. (actually there was the one who got cut off for saying something about a non Everton player and a watch belonging to their granddaughter but)

Sammy Lee's rallying battle cry.

Ellesmere Port. iykyk

Mr Testicles

Davide Ancelotti speaks Italian. He's like so amazing. Swoons.

Leon Osman revealing in his autobiography that Martinez didn't bother defending corners in training because they didn't count as real goals. Which you know seems sort of relevant to the whole Martinez experience.

It taking a good year or so for this to become a thing because clearly nobody had bought that autobiography.

This absolute monstrosity

[suncchaser]

i've recently heard discourse about (hopefully + probably) unintentional racism within headcanons in the marauders fandom. as a woc i love seeing poc rep and thought nothing of it until i did a bit more research. when you have jegulus for example, james is seen as this strong protector for shy little reggie who needs protecting and acts mean but is actually super soft inside. then you add the brown james (usually desi, sometimes darkskinned latino) at first i thought it was just a ship i wasn't fond of cuz of the pairing, then when i looked deeper i see big strong poc man who needs to protect his innocent white baby bf (i don't mean white as a derogative btw). 1/2

(pt.2 of my last ask cuz it was too long) also it just feels like the thing where fans will like bad people cuz they're hot. they'll add a bg/nationality to characters they like then the ones they don't are just white/english and thats it. you'll have the black brothers speaking french, james speaking hindi or spanish or punjabi (depending on the hc) and remus speaking welsh. but peter's the big bad so he's monolingual (omg what a crime! /s) marlene will be scottish, mary's black (usually no specific country just black cuz thats good enough for some people) lily will be like greek, barty italian, pandora + evan + dorcas will be black (again same thing with mary) yet snape is just white cuz he's bad and evil and ugly??? like there's nothing wrong with being white/british/monolingual. (its usally snape fans who headcanon him as jewish or other hcs but his haters will always leave him white + monlingual) 2/2

I am Danish, so as white as they come, and I do not want to speak out of turn when it comes to race and how it is portrayed but I have seen many people of colour in the fandom speak on the topic and how uncomfortable certain headcanons surrounding race are, so I think we should listen to them and take what they say into considerations. Because more often than not, it's people from a different race (usually white) headcanoning a character as a certain race while not being nowhere near educated enough to write that character properly.

My thoughts overall is people will often use nationalities, sexualities and mental illness (last anon smh) as replacement for personality traits. If the fandom spent less time playing roulette with those things and actually developed these characters' personalities, the characters could actually be more than two dimensional fools whose entire personalities resolve around ships. You know... actual three dimensional characters, with flaws, a word that does not feature in vocabulary of 80% of the fandom when it comes to their favourite characters.

[tallochar]

☕️ musicals!

I loooove musicals so much!

This is going to be rambly, I apologize in advance.

I do my best not to cram stuff down people's throats and of course I have yet to see or listen to Every Musical Ever, but musicals just make the happy part of my brain that thrives on music and narrative sit up and bounce in my seat.

(I am currently listening to Celebrate from Elegies for Angels, Punks and Raging Queens on repeat and will be for some hours still unless something happens)

I tend to hyperfixate on specific songs out of each musical and then play them on repeat until my family (my mother as we currently live together but it used to be my brothers too) is heartily sick of them and then I put my earbuds in and listen to them some more, because it is very much a mood thing.

I think that that is because I grew up in a non-English speaking country and did not learn enough English to translate lyrics until my early teens so a good chunk of my formative experience with english-spoken music was more about vibes and mood than the lyrics itself.

Of course lyrics add a ton now that I do understand, but music always hits first and deepest for me. In some cases, some songs won me over because of the music first and then got archive as 'guilty pleasure' songs because the lyrics made me go Wait What.

(See: Sincerely Me from Dear Evan Hansen, which creeps me out if you go by lyrics but will listen to just because it's so goddamn catchy, or Shiksa Goddess from The Last Five Years, that I managed to listen to for hours without taking in the lyrics and then once I did just made me very disgusted at Jamie)

(These are also both musicals I cannot bring myself to go see in person because the first one is violentlly upsetting to me [the protagonist and his actions are repulsive to me and no I don't care that he doesn't get to go to college at the end, is that supposed to be punishment enough for what he did?] and for the second one I saw the movie and listened to the songs and it just makes me want to stomp on him and pop a bottle for her at the end and tell her she's well rid of him and that I'm sorry she sunk so much time into him and I end up virulently angry)

(I have absolutely nothing against people who enjoy them, more power to them and go and enjoy it, which is my general policy about most things, but I am not one of them and I think both things are valid, so please no one come after me for not liking them!)

I have been listening to musicals since I was a toddler!

Not just Disney, because like, one of my first ever musicals was Jesus Christ Superstar, as mom was a fan and she both had the VHS for it (with Italian subtitles rather than the cast singing in Italian) AND the cassette tapes as well and we also had Rocky Horror Picture Show also subbed English.

[Don't know if it's different now, but when I was growing up everything media available in Italy was dubbed, including anime and tv shows and movies {with some actors often voiced by the same voice actors to create consistency between performances, so Al Pacino always sounded the same but it wasn't actually Al Pacino, it was his Italian VA, to make an example} and so it was a rarer thing to have a musical that was in actual English with subs]

I used to go to musicals and I have seen the Italian versions of a fair few (Cats, Notre Dame de Paris, West Side Story, JCS with a sub electrical board on stage because apparently it was never translated in Italian, The Sound of Music just off the top of my head) but since I have moved cities and countries, I have been going whenever I can save up enough money for it (I am in London now so there is A LOT available to me)

And like the songs are GOOD but there just is something MORE about being able to see them being staged and the choices that are made for costumes and set and dancing and it's like an instantaneous pick me up and a guaranteed good night out for me if I am going to watch one :D

Sign me up every single time for one!

I love animatics of musicals as well, that's one of the ways I can get into new musicals (it's how I got into Sincerely Me, there's one by Szin on YouTube that is incredibly charming, despite the inherent creepiness of the song) and whenever I hear new songs or see a new musical then I go exploring YouTube for animatics.

It's just ... someone sits down and writes a story and it's a SUNG story and then more people get together and make MUSIC of it and they ACT IT OUT but they are also DANCING and SINGING and it's all so intensely done and felt and expressed and you can bring it with you when you are going around and evoke those vibes by listening to it and you can sing it at home or like, if you go to a cinema that does a Sing-Along show (if anyone is in London, look up the Prince Charles cinema schedule for that, they do it and it BLEW MY MIND) then you can go in a public space with a lot of other people who love it as much as you AND SING ALL TOGETHER!

It makes me *vibrate* in my seat just to think about it! Musicals are just ... amazing to me *wide sparkly eyes and fisted hands under my chin because O M G YES!*

[hertwood]

dts s5 e6-8

e6: -having flashbacks of having to defend oscar to my mom for this why does the show try to lean into otmar's perspective so heavily GROSS -nah im full tinhatting i do not remember this whole bit where everyone hypes up oscar in interview before he has his lil chat with mark netflix u slimey lil bitches -oh if i was here when this news broke summer break 2022. i would've been inconsolable. i'm sure it was nuts, ballistic. maybe it was good i wasnt there. idk if i could've handled it akldkfjadslkfjasdkfj -lando saying "i already am (leading the team)" was not that rude it was just the TRUTH sorry -daniel speaking italian is so important actually -"ive been in this sport for 25 years i know what im doing" king that only makes the fumble THAT much more embarrassing COME ON -otmar talking abt how well oscar took all the shit we offered aren't we owed a contract? reminds me of timeshare schemes like actually just u paid for xyz if you dont have a contract in place he doesnt owe u anything maybe do contracts better next time :) -unfortunately zak brown is right!! its a pr disaster is the 5 million worth it!!! and they didnt even get the 5 mil!!! how do lose ur job speedrun masterclass here!! -i do wonder how much netflix inflated daniel's chances for the alpine seat, bc from what i've heard it wasnt really in the conversation. idk i wasnt there but it would make sense for netflix to lean heavily into this narrative -did not realize liam was sitting Right There when pierre was askin abt the gossip aldfjaslkfjaksjdf -the way how in season 1 its like NO DANIEL DON"T LEAVE RED BULL i feel the same way abt pierre going to alpine. like ofc it made perfect sense at the time and you cant fault him for it but like no babygirl its bouta implode PLEASE -rip all the tiktok edits that were muted in the umg purge that paired "good luck to oscar" with "if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing." thank u taylor couldn't have said it better myself -"do you regret anything that's happened?" "um. no :)" U TELL EM BABY

e7: -i'm sorry but geri seemingly getting boiling water from a tap to make tea is so fucking insane rich person cursed -was originally gonna include this funny shot of christian standing looking out a balcony like sharpay evans in high school musical in my s5 gifset but due to recent events i will not :) -i just think. that including this whole bit abt how much checo loves his family in the same episode as the monaco gp where he allegedly cheated on his wife was a CHOICE. interesting. -lewis's monaco 2022 outfit is one of his best outfits ever. its so iconic 2 me -HI ALEX -so many cinematic parallels to discuss. s1 max putting it in the wall in practice and ruining his race to prove he was faster than daniel. known parallels to brocedes ALLEGEDLY trying to sabotage eachother by crashing in that corner in monaco. hmm hmm hmm. much to think -im sorry the sainz collision is just so goofy. i remember watching the replay of this quali and being bamboozled. befuddled. deeply amused. what a stupid fucking sport -'for fucks sa-........okay this is typical monaco isnt it" MAX GETS IT -i honestly dont mind wet monaco races just bc by nature of the track its on average slower therefore less dangerous. i'll take a wet monaco over a wet spa any damn day -ferrari's double pit fuck up is PEAK embarassing ferrari strats. like to do a bad strat is one thing but to just mess up the strat ur trying to do. peak biblically cursed charles leclerc moment

e8: -god i wish i got more into yukierre. i see the appeal. unfortunately they just dont give me brain worms -many thoughts. um i think focusing on yuki's temper is just. unfair. like sure he should work on it but thats an issue with many young drivers its not a unique failure on his part -i have given thoughts on japan '22 before i'm not rly gonna rehash but i really wish the didn't gloss over it on dts. i think it was an important moment in the sport to have a big conversation abt rain safety. -oh this nyck supercut is gonna be painful knowing where it goes :/ -god remember when ppl thought nyck was gonna lead the team? leave yuki in the dust? even /i/ had him above yuki in my preseason predictions isnt that insane? -"im happy, i'll take that, that you'll miss me at least 2 or 3 minutes" god forgot the most romcom ass shit since sebchals we'll start by holding hands -nando n lance having this crazy crash and now a year later they're fucking on the reg. happy 4 them

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 46 - Lost in thoughts again. Episode 2.

Congo: Few minutes later we were both sitting by the dinner table, all dried up and dressed. Evan was in a pair of sweatpants and one of Andy's old oversized hoodies. He was sitting across from me, smiling shyly, with his plate full of food. I rubbed my palms against my jeans, suddenly they felt sweaty. I was nervous. This was almost new to me. Falling in love with someone again. It had been so long since last, or at least that's how it felt, as it was not something to occur to me often. But I knew it wasn't something to happen for Evan often either, and then with a man. Again. He must have been just as nervous as me. At least that's how he looked. I cleared my throat and smiled warmly, speaking in a lowered soft voice as I raised my wine glass Cheers.

Evan: He smiled relieved as I spoke, and raised his glass towards mine, gently tapping it against mine Cheers.

Congo: I sipped my wine, observing him sipping his. And was relieved I had at least put some music on my record player, as clearly both of us had all of a sudden lost our voices. I had to once again hand it to Andy, he was a really great cook. He had cooked Italian pasta, like they do it in Italy. A few years back he had actually lived in Italy for about 3 months, learned a lot of the different dishes and flavors. Paired with the food was a nice round flavored Italian red wine. The table was really romantic as well, two candles on the center of the table. A nice table cloth, dark red. And black napkins. If I didn't know better, I would say this was a set up, but two extra plates on the table, left a proof that there were also room for two other guests. I smiled softly at Evan once in a while, while we quietly enjoyed our meal. As we were both about done, I heard some rumbling from downstairs, and for a few seconds assumed we would get interrupted, so I quickly moved my hand from Evans I had been holding on top of the table. But as loud moans started reaching our ears, I quickly figured the two studs had other plans. I chuckled softly and quite surprisingly felt myself blush a bit. And as I saw Evan blush as well, I decided to take a chance. I quietly got up from my chair, making my way to the record player few meters away from us, grabbed the LP cover, searching for a better song than the one playing. And as I found one with a perfect rhythm for what I had in mind, I quickly changed the song, and turned around slowly, reaching a hand towards Evan. I knew for a fact he was a good dancer, so I really hoped he would take my invite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmBxVfQTuvI

Evan: He blushed a bit more, but to my relief, he slowly got up, walked towards me and slowly grabbed my hand I'm not exactly dressed for slow dancing… he chuckled softly and pulled a bit in Andy's hoodie

Congo: That's alright… it's not the clothes I wanna dance with. I smiled warmly and kissed his forehead gently, smiling happily as he placed a hand on my shoulder, and with his other hand leading my hand to the lower part of his back. He grabbed my hand again, and slowly we started dancing, close, right into the rhythm. It was perfect. So romantic in the dimmed light from the two candles and very little light from the kitchen. I couldn't help but keep smiling, seeing him with this light blushing on his cheeks, smiling at me shyly. He was so beautiful, it kept surprising me exactly how beautiful. His hazel brown eyes, with that special forest green glow just around his pupils. His slightly wavy hair, and the way it always so perfectly would frame his face. Like it had been grown only to enhance his beauty. Like an old carved wooden frame on the most beautiful painting you could imagine. Not saying he's more beautiful than Andy, but they are definitely almost equal. Although I always will hold Andy a little bit higher than anyone else in the universe. Even Marius. I frowned a bit as he briefly crossed my mind, and something in Evan's eyes told me he had noticed it.

Evan: He tilted his head a bit, only for a second, then smiled softly, leaning his head against my chest. And we danced like that, till the song was over. His head against my chest, my arms wrapped around him gently.

Congo: As the song stopped I leaned down a bit, placing my hands on his cheeks as I leaned in and kissed him softly, once again feeling butterflies in my stomach as the next song on the record started: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0NJr2g1qe4 I chuckled softly and by god I think I blushed again as I pulled away and kissed his hands, watching his face turn bright red, as he lowered his face shyly, chuckling silently Hey… let's… I looked around a bit Let's go for a walk? I nodded towards the big windows in the front door It looks mild outside… what do you say?

Evan: I… He didn't get to say much else as Andy and Daniel came running up the stairs, clearly still play fighting with each other as they started chasing each other around the dinner table

Congo: I chuckled softly and shook my head Come… I nodded towards the front door, and sighed relieved as Evan quickly followed. He seemed just as eager as me to get out of there. 2 minutes later we were both in our jackets and warm boots, slowly walking up the mountain hand in hand, our breath turning into small warm fog clouds in front of our mouths as we were breathing out. We both stayed quiet all the way up to the little outlook post above our house. Well hidden behind tall pine trees. But from up here we could have a look at the town below us, all the lights from the houses, smoke from the chimneys. Up here you felt a bit closer to the stars. We stopped under a big pine tree, the ground was hard and covered by a light frost layer. It was beautiful, how the tiny frost particles sparkled in the moonshine. I moved in front of him, brushing a hand over his cold cheek lightly, hesitating a bit, before I grabbed both his hands and kissed them lightly I am, you know…..

Evan: He looked at me with confused eyes

Congo: I lowered my voice as if I were to tell him a secret in the middle of a busy airport In love with you….

Evan: He nodded softly, blushed again and turned his face towards the ground for a few seconds, then looked up again, even more red on his cheeks than before I'm…. I'm in love with you… too…

Congo: I chuckled softly and grabbed his jawline with one of my hands, dragging his head closer as I reached down, planting a warm kiss on his forehead I hoped you were. I smiled at him warmly, but as he lowered his face again, I quickly wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. We stood like that a few minutes before I spoke again You know, it still doesn't have to mean anything…. we don't have to be a couple…

Evan: He snuggled his face against my chest a bit I think we sorta already are… and maybe we have been for a while?

Congo: I smiled warmly even if he couldn't see me, and closed my eyes, sighing deep and relieved

Evan: He dug his fingers into my back, as if he wanted to hold on extra tight to prevent me from disappearing

Congo: I chuckled softly I'm not going anywhere…

Evan: Good…

Congo: Unless you want me to?

Evan: No… definitely no.

Congo: I stayed quiet a bit, just enjoying this feeling, this happiness in my body. I spoke warm and loving as I opened my mouth again So what do you want, Evan?

Evan: He sighed deeply in a somewhat relieved way, like he had been waiting for the question A kiss….

Congo: Mmh… I smiled warmly at him I think we can manage that, somehow… We kissed for a couple minutes, before I noticed he was freezing Mmh… you're getting cold… wanna go home?

Evan: Not yet… can't we sit down on the bench over there? I just…. he took a deep breath I just need a bit of time alone with you…

Congo: Sure I nodded softly and followed him to the bench, sitting down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to try to shield him a bit from the cold. We again stayed quiet a bit, until the question started gnawing in the pit of my stomach. I hate to ask, but I think I have to in order to be able to relax again…

Evan: Yes…. His yes wasn't a question but more an answer, so I looked at him a bit confused Yes, I want us to stay this way… I don't want to stop what we have going on… if that's what you wanted to ask?

Congo: I chuckled warmly and squeezed him a little closer as I planted a kiss on his hair

Evan: I'm not great at expressing feelings…. but…. I want you to know, this past week with you, has been very special to me. And… I don't want it to end.

Congo: I nodded agreeing, and once again kissed his hair Me too, Evan.

Evan: As I looked down at his face, I could see him smile softly

Congo: You mean a lot to me… you know that, right?

Evan: He nodded softly and grabbed my free hand, linking his fingers with mine

Congo: We sat quiet a little while more, just enjoying the silence. Then something cracked in a near distance, a twig perhaps? Evan clearly got a bit startled and instantly let go of my hand

Andy: It's just me… he smiled softly as he appeared between two tall bushes Sorry, I didn't mean to be scary he chuckled hoarse I just came to let you know the coast is clear. Sparkle picked up Daniel about 5 minutes ago. So we got the house to ourselves again… if you wanna come down into the heat? It's pretty cold up here, and I lit the fireplace about 10 minutes ago… it should be getting nice and toasty down there by now. If you want? He smiled hopefully and nodded towards the house

Congo: I looked in the direction and noticed the smoke rise towards the sky That does sound lovely my angel… what do you say, Evan? I smiled at him softly

Evan: He nodded and got up slowly Yeah… some heat sounds good about now. He stopped in front of Andy and looked at him a bit worried Are you….

Andy: 100% sure I'm okay with you and Congo?

Evan: He nodded softly

Andy: No… I'm not… I'm 1000% okay with it! He wrapped his arms tight around Evan, hugging him close as he showered his cheeks and neck with tiny butterfly kisses

Evan: He chuckled softly and kissed Andy shyly Thank you.

Andy: Oh no… no no… thank YOU for finally committing to it! He chuckled hoarse Let's go home! I'm fucking freezing! He grabbed Evan's hand, and shook his free hand towards me Are you coming oldie?

Congo: I chuckled warmly I thought you always said I'm not old?

Andy: Nnnyahhh… I changed my mind he pointed his tongue at me But I might change it back if you hurry down here?

Congo: I laughed loudly and quickly ran the few meters to them, grabbing Andy's hand tight. And together we all made it back to our warm home within a couple of minutes.

[nail-bat-butch]

{begin transcript:

hijabi woman: "-why that care was limited. why it did not extend to palestinian women. there is nothing more selfish and self-absorbed than white woman feminism." billie eilish's song "what was i made for?", from the barbie movie, plays as the hijabi woman is speaking, but it cuts off once gaygtownbae starts to stitch her video.

gaygtownbae: "i can actually answer this question for you, and there's a word specifically for this issue; it's called femonationalism. hi! my name is evan, i'm a bioethicist, and i specialize in misinformation, disinformation, and conspiracy theory that's a threat to public health.

"so the term 'femonationalism' was coined by sarah r. farris who's a sociologist, and i believe she works at the university college of london-"

a red bubble with white text appears on the screen, titled "*goldsmith's university of london", then disappears.

"-but she's actually italian, and she came up with the term to describe feminism in far-right or extreme alt-right, far right movements, political movements specifically. so that is people who use feminist language used to describe themselves- particularly women- but champion things that were antithetical to the concepts of feminism, at least how they are promoted.

"now, amazingly, femonationalism is actually an ode to a palestinian scholar-"

instead of the word "palestinian", the caption bubble reads (watermelon emoji) (watermelon emoji) (watermelon emoji)

"-we're back to jasbir puar, my favorite- who came up with 'homonationalism' that kind of involved things like pink-washing, championing lgbtq rights, as reasoning to destroy whole communities- especially brown communities that don't agree or are painted as not being inclusive.

sarah farris borrows from this concept of homonationalism and says that the same is true for feminism, or feminist movements politically, especially in white feminist spaces-"

instead of the word "white", the caption bubble replaces it with a (glass of milk emoji).

"-so the reason that what's happening in gaza- particularly to the women- is not getting barbie girl energy is because that population- especially because it skews to islam and is brown- does not mirror or does not embody the type of feminism and the feminist points or doctrines that barbie girl energy does. so white, western, neo-liberal feminism requires that all people- to get support from it- have to ascribe to homogeny, right? and i think that this creator using this example of barbie is so apt because for those of us who saw barbie, one of the things that we saw is we saw all different types of people represented, but they all lived the same way. they all lived in barbieland. they all lived in pink playhouses. there was a lot of similarity, they weren't inherently different, they were wearing different outfits and they were different colors, but their world was homogeneous."

"but the world with which all of this is happening in- especially in the middle east- is an exotic and non-western place. the teachings, the underpinnings of this kind of feminism is that the people of this place are naturally to be seen and perceived as barbaric, particularly the men. any women ascribing to protecting or standing alongside the men are just seen as enablers and participants, and therefore undeserving of barbie-girl feminism."

"now, the way to acquire this particular group of feminist support is to, ostensible, completely relinquish culture and religion, and denounce the men of that community and culture as barbaric, and that your interest is to escape that space. if you were too deeply ascribed to embody western feminism, and western culture by proxy, then you would get that kind of support. think of folks like ayaan hirsi ali, who was able to, you know, she tells a very brutal story about her experience with islam, but she entirely aligns with this conceptualization to demonize that entire region and that entire community, or anybody who ascribes particularly to her whole focus, which is islam."

"so no, this particular brand of feminism is not moved by what's happening, because they still see women who are hijabed, particularly, or had their heads covered, who are standing by and still participating in this community and this culture with deep reverence and attachment- as they should, because it's their community, their culture, and their religion!- but it's not barbie girl, you know? and again, we see the same thing in LGBTQ rights movements- especially very white ones or very white centric ones- to basically be comfortable with- and promote demonization of- populations that are painted to be non-inclusive.

"so as long as you're able to say 'oh hey, this community, this populace, this region, this race, this culture, this religion does not treat or does not ascribe to- or does not think about- this other group, this marginalized group the same way we do, and give them all the same rights, and include them or believe in them or support them in the same exact ways, therefore, they cannot be human, they're barbaric and their destruction is for the betterment of the rest of us. and this form of feminism has that same conceptualization underneath it or throughout it, but for women.

"and this kind of feminism doesn't just say who gets to be human and not human; it also does a very weird thing where it also says 'who gets to be a woman? who doesn't get to be a woman?', right? who's deserving of feminism and who's not? because feminism only looks this way, and if you don't ascribe to it being this way, or if you don't look the way that we require feminism to look, then you're not a feminist, and you're helping evil, and you're collateral. this makes non-western women collateral damage simply by being attached to their culture and their community.

"it also creates weird rules for feminism. i know that sarah farris goes into more in-depth things like the misrepresentation of things like reproductive rights and access, and how this type of feminism- femonationalism- is also used in a really strange way in conservative spaces to promote tribalism and patriotism that again becomes very homogenous, right? you have to ascribe to this. if you do not perform your feminism in this exact way, you are not feminist, you are not deserving of feminist rights or women's rights, and therefore, you're actively working against it, and you should be destroyed. and i'm willing to destroy you, and i'm willing to support the destruction of you.

(two text bubbles appear in blue. the top one reads "femonationalism (like many other forms of western-centered political ideologies) inherently believes some communities deserve genocide by merely having different values and concepts of inclusion or societal status for marginalized groups." the second text bubble reads "but the central requisite point of human rights advocacy is being aware that there isn't any 'offense' that earns an entire community ethnic cleansing. genocide is never a reasonable response to ideology, action, or beliefs.")

"when we talk about supporting human rights, particularly for the most marginalized and for those that experience the most oppression globally, we have to get comfortable with supporting the rights of people that may or may not support similar groupings of rights that we support. i am a queer, non-binary trans person. i do not know what this creator that i have stitched and attached here believes about my identity, and honestly, i don't care because i do not think that the community that she comes from and the community that she's worried about and the community that is currently experiencing enormous violence at the hands of a homicidal state- i do not think any of that should be occurring, and i actively want that to stop, and i actively want that dismantled. regardless of whether or not i'm welcomed into the community. because they're humans, and humans living in their own ancestral lands, and the only thing that they want in this scenario is to live safely in their own ancestral lands without being threatened with annihilation. it doesn't involve me, it's not about me. see what i'm saying? that's barbie girl. because barbie land shouldn't just be for barbies and kens, blow it out further and think about any action figure as a doll, and should be allowed to live in a world and be seen as a doll, yeah? regardless of what the barbies think. that's it."

/end transcript}

On the topic of white feminism

[t1oui]

can I please get your thoughts on rosekiller raising Luna?? I've been obsessed with it lately and you've mentioned it before I want to know more about your headcannons!!!

AAAAAA OKAY im obsessed with them too but i think this has been established. just

first of all think canon luna but 10x more unhinged bc rosekiller are not doing her any favors in the "having morals" and "acting normal" departments (we love that for them)

BARTY CALLS LUNA PRINCESS. i am so... no i cant even lie and say im normal about this it's just a fact of life. he calls her princess and he treats her like one too.

they probably commit crimes or something (if you want more info on this search "criminal au" on my blog bc i have so many thoughts... there's also like 3 things under the tag "criminal au 2 electric boogaloo" lol)

this tag on one of my posts. it says a lot

back to what i said about luna being treated like a princess: does she dress weird? yes. but her clothes and necklaces and the radishes she makes earrings out of are TOP TIER QUALITY bc their girl deserves that.

the three of them wear friendship bracelets

what luna calls them depends on how she's feeling - sometimes she calls them uncle barty and uncle evan, sometimes papa and dad, sometimes just barty and evan

luna gets her offputting gaze from evan and it shows

somehow she's actually such a well-rounded child?? absolutely nobody expects this

rosekiller encourage luna's interests!!!

the three of them cuddle a lot, especially luna and barty.

luna gets all the hogwarts gossip and reports it back to barty via owl

barty 100% teaches luna to drive at age 10 (evan is sitting in the backseat hanging on for dear life)

barty teaches luna how to pickpocket and evan teaches her potions (he doesn't talk about pandora and reg that often, but he makes sure she's got their skill sets)

autistic luna getting a new pair of noise-cancelling headphones. barty and evan helping her cover them in stickers. barty asking to try them out. luna and evan getting him his own pair and covering them in stickers for him :))

(barty cries)

(he actually cries a lot bc "hey, it's okay to cry, luna. no, i'm not crying because of that card you just gave me, but the drawing was really nice and i'm going to cherish it forever")

(she sees right through him but she doesn't say so)

whoever luna ends up with gets a very serious shovel talk from barty and evan (evan does most of the talking, barty just sits there glaring at luna's partner).

ginny finds it funny as hell. anybody else is scared shitless. (this gets ginny a good rep with barty and evan.)

they're soooo soft for each other.

i'm a personal fan of luna and cho being friends and i have a feeling evan and barty would, inexplicably, love her.

barty and evan hate sirius. sirius hates them back. the order of the phoenix has an unspoken rule that the three of them are not allowed in a room together.

barty is italian and luna & ev both know italian for him, so they speak italian with each other a lot.

muggle au rosekiller raising luna!! they hold a special place in my heart. barty and evan run an italian restaurant together and luna is a waitress there. (so is harry.)

yk how snape treats harry like shit bc he hated james? yeah, barty and evan treat harry well bc regulus loved james. (also bc they don't take out their anger on children but mostly bc being mean to someone who reminds them of regulus would hurt too much.)

i swear i have more thoughts about them but i'm totally blanking right now so uhh... feel free to send more asks and i will reply when i have thoughts !! thanks for the ask :)

[k-evans-reads]

Higher Love Wedding Headcanons

By: @k-evans-writes and @ourfinest-hour

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own. 

Jordan is of course Nickie’s maid of honor

And Scott is Chris’ best man

Rounding out Nickie’s side is Emily, Blake, Shanna, Carly, and few of her childhood best friends

Chris has Josh, John, Ryan, Kevin, and a few of his high school friends

The moment Chris saw Nickie walking down the aisle he just started bawling

Along with Nickie

Who also wore sneakers underneath her dress, not wanting a repeat of when she first met Chris at the Oscars and fell on her face

And by the end of the night, she's barefoot.

But speaking of their first meeting, Chris wore an emerald velvet suit jacket as a tribute to their first meeting

Nickie’s veil has the constellation of the night he proposed embroidered on it, a nod to their love of stars (and Chris’ space obsession).

They invite their closest friends and family, which of course includes a few people they’d met over the years through work

Including Daniel Craig, Scarlett Johansson, Robert Downey Jr., Rami Malek, their realtor Josh Flagg, and a handful of their other favorite friends

They get married right on the lake

And Chris keeps joking that Nickie’s probably going to fall in

To which she tells him “If I go in, I’m taking you with me”

But they don’t write their own vows because they both know they’ll be a sobbing mess through them

Scott gives a toast that Chris claims is more of a roast of him than it is a toast for his wedding

Jordan is pissed when she starts crying during her toast

And Nickie has to run over to hug her

The food is, as to be expected, amazing

They had the Italian restaurant in town cater the wedding, knowing how amazing the food is and how close the Morrisons are to the owners

And it doesn’t hurt that Nickie worked there in high school during the summers

Also the dessert bar at the reception is out of control

….As is the actual bar

It doesn’t take long for the ties to get loosened, high heels gone, and suit jackets tossed on the back of chairs while everyone enjoys the dancing

And although everyone agrees that it was an incredible party, they all know the best part is seeing two people so obviously meant for each other finally getting the moment they’d both been dreaming of.

[tinabelcherseroticfriendfiction]

Picnic Breaks

Title: Picnic Breaks Fandom: The Losers Pairing: Bodyguard!Jake Jensen/Royal!Reader Rating: PG-13 Warnings: brief mention of assassination Words: 2,240 Summary: Your bodyguard, Jensen, thinks you’ve been spending too much time preparing for your coronation and need a break. What starts out as an innocent picnic quickly turns into something else.

🍨 Paper Bowl: Chris Evans characters outside of the MCU 👑 Italian Ice: Royalty 🍩 Person A: “And if you’ll examine exhibit A, you’ll see a picture of what scientists believe to be an early Neanderthal.” holds up a picture of Person B 🍫 Fighting to fucking

Not Beta Read, so all mistakes are mine. Happy Birthday, Birdie!!! @buckysbirdie I know it's not actually late, but I feel like it's super late. But here's my second fic for your birthday bash!! Yet again, it didn't turn out quite the way I intended, it was meant to be MUCH spicier, but Jensen's just such a sweetheart.

Masterlist

“Princess?”

You sigh but look up from your work when your bodyguard, Jensen, walks in. “Yes?” You ask as calmly as you can, as you are not in the mood to deal with his shenanigans today. Your coronation was in less than two months, and you had so much work to do until then, you really did not need any distractions. 

Jensen stands in your doorway, watching you carefully for a few moments before he speaks. “You need to take a break.”

His voice is demanding, as if he was speaking to the soldiers under him, not his soon-to-be queen.

“I think I misheard you,” you give him a chance to change his tone.

However, Jensen, being Jensen, doesn’t take it. “No, you heard me right. You need to take a break. Come on, I have a picnic all ready for you out in the rose garden.”

“I have five weeks to prepare for taking the throne and -”

“You’ve had your whole life preparing to take the throne, Princess. You can’t control the world. But you can control yourself. So come on,” he’s holding out his hand for you to take, which is highly inappropriate for a bodyguard to do, however Jensen has been your best friend since you were two, so he’s allowed to get away with it. Most days.

“You can’t give me orders, I’m your princess, soon to be your queen.”

Your voice is sharp, though you feel your resolve sliping the more time he takes away from your work. He has always watched out for you, even during his military service. He would call you every time he could and send you care packages and letters reminding you to not let your work overtake you. You had thought it was absurd. He would be training all over the world, doing undercover ops and secret missions that even you weren’t pervy to, yet he still found the time and money to send your favorite snacks, or a stuffed animal, or a new book he thought you might enjoy. Once he even sent you a stuffed animal big enough to be your new bed.

As princess, you had never wanted for anything so you always lectured him on how he never needed to spend his money to send you anything. You just needed to know he was safe and healthy. But he never listened to you.

Today was no exception. He was on a mission to make sure you took a break and enjoyed your day rather than locking yourself away in your office going over papers, documents, decrees, and laws that you had already memorized over the years as you prepared to take the throne.

“I can give you orders if they are for your protection,” Jensen smirks, knowing you hate being reminded that you need protection to begin with. “And taking a break from work is protecting you from overworking and not taking care of yourself. So get up and follow me.”

You wouldn’t normally listen to that kind of logic - his job was to protect you from immediate physical threat to your person. Which you still insisted was not necessary as your country had been at peace for nearly 100 years now, and its people were prospering. But you were reminded every day how dangerous it is to be in the public eye. Just the other week a former political leader had been assassinated.

Today, however, you can feel your brain melting as you continue to stare at the documents, so you sigh as you push away from your desk and take Jensen’s hand.

“You’re lucky I was about to take a break, anyway,” you grumble under your breath, not very lady like and certainly not very Queenly, but it’s Jensen, so you don’t care. 

He just gives you a sly smile and a nod, knowing you are lying through your teeth but willing to concede as you did agree to take a break with him. So he leads you out of your office and down to the private garden just outside of your bedroom. It’s surrounded by high walls, with only one entrance to your own bedroom, and no windows. It was just large enough for a couple of young oak trees and your favorite flowers.

Under one of the oak trees was a blanket with a picnic basket on it. It was the cheesiest thing you’ve seen in a while, and you let out a small laugh as Jensen runs over to the blanket.

“You really did set out a picnic,” you smile at Jensen.

You watch as he pulls out two glasses, a bottle of wine, and finger sandwiches, setting them out on the blanket proudly. “I don’t joke about picnics, Princess.”

“I see that,” you smile and sit down next to him. “I hope you brought some blackberries.”

Jensen almost looks offended. “Who do you think you’re talking to!?” He cried, grabbing his chest dramatically. “Of course I brought blackberries. They just came into season and I know they’re your favorite.”

“Look at you, Mr. Horticulture,” you shove his shoulder gently, “when did you start learning what fruits are in season?”

“As a spy I had to learn a lot of things,” Jensen hands you the container of blackberries. “Including random horticulture knowledge that I thought I’d never need again.”

Popping a piece of the fruit into your mouth, you lean back on the blanket, listening to the birds sing.

“It’s been so long since I’ve just sat out here,” you muse, closing your eyes. “Remember when we used to sit out here pointing out shapes in the clouds?”

“Those were simpler times,” Jensen nods, pouring you a glass of wine and setting it down beside you. “We were, what? Five or six?”

You nod, humming to yourself as you let your memories wonder. “I had such a big crush on you.”

The sudden nonchalant confession has Jenson sputtering, the sip of wine he just took gets spit out, covering the blanket. “Wh-what!?”

You giggle as you open your eyes, seeing Jensen flustered, flushed, and wide eyed. “I always had such a big crush on you. Come on, surely you knew that! I wasn’t exactly subtle when we were younger!”

Jensen shakes his head quickly, surprise genuine on his face. “No! I had no clue! I thought you were just being nice!”

You sit up on the blanket and tilt your head, amused. “Seriously? I was just being nice when I tried to use a pickup line on you? What was it I said…?” Your brows furrow together as you think. “Oh yeah! ‘Can you hold my hand? I wanna tell my friends that I’ve been touched by an angel’. I had spent all night looking up pick up lines to use, and that was the only one that I understood!” You giggle, covering your mouth, completely embarrassed again.

Jensen, for his part, blushes deeper. “No! I thought you were teasing me! All the girls in my class would tease me because I would blush whenever someone showed me any kind of attention.”

You giggle again, shaking your head as you can’t believe it. “You’re lying!” You accuse playfully. 

“I’m serious! I never thought you could like me like that! I was a soldier’s son,nothing special.

You hum, smiling at him, “Nothing special?” Your voice is teasing as you poke at Jensen in the side. “My god you are dense.”

“No!” Jensen cries, offended. “I’m not!”

You nod, giggling. “You are! Like - if you looked up a photo of an early Neanderthal, I swear you’ll see your picture!”

You shriek in giggles as Jensen reaches over and starts tickling you incessantly. “Take that back!” he cries, though he’s smiling. “Take it back or I’ll tickle you to death!”

You giggle as you squirm, trying to get away from him, but it only manages to land you on your back and Jensen pressed up against your front, still tickling your sides.

“Jensen!” Your voice is breathless as you try to continue wiggling out from under his attack. “Stop!” You giggle louder, managing to get your legs free and wrapped around Jensen’s hips to try and flip you both, but you’re too out of breath and distracted to successfully flip him.

Instead, you accidentally thrust up into his hips. You both freeze in place as you realize the position you are both in, and that Jensen is very much enjoying it. Your eyes dart up to his blue ones, wide with shock and curiosity. You’ve always wondered what it would be like to kiss Jensen.

And now seems like the perfect time to find out. You lean up and press your lips against his, gently at first, unsure if Jensen even feels the same way about you. For all you know, the tent in his pants and the hard length against your inner thigh could just be a normal reaction to being this close to anyone.

But you are pleasantly surprised when after a moment of hesitation, Jensen kisses you back. His right hand moves to cup your face as his left holds him above you.

You sigh into the kiss as you wrap your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. You nip at his bottom lip before sucking it gently and releasing it to change angles. Meeting his lips again, he immediately slides his tongue across your top lip, tracing it with the tip of his tongue before slipping between your now parted lips. You thread your fingers through his short hair, attempting to pull him closer as you glide your tongue across his teeth.

He doesn’t budge, refusing to crush you with his body weight, though you crave the contact, the warmth. “Jensen, please,” you breath against his lips, tugging him again. “I’ve waited for this for so long..”

Wrong thing to say.

Jensen pulls back away from you, looking down at you in semi-horror. “Princess - oh my god, I’m so sorry!” he rushes out as he attempts to pull away from you completely, but you’re stubborn. You tighten your legs around his hips and grab his shoulders to stop him.

“Don’t - I want this, Jensen, please. I’ve wanted you since I was old enough to know what I even wanted.” You beg him, staring up at him with big, pleading eyes.

“This is wrong. This is so wrong,” you roll your eyes at his cliche line. Leave it to Jensen to actually say that. “Princess, we can’t do this. You can’t do this.”

“I can do what I want. And what I want is you, Jake. Do you want me?” You raise an eyebrow in question, daring him to say no.

“I’m your guard, Princess.” he says softly. “And you’re about to be crowned Queen. We can’t - You’re going to marry someone one day, and -”

“Jensen, I haven’t taken any suitors because I’ve been waiting for you to open your damn eyes.”

His eyes widen comically at that as he continues to stare at you.

“Did you never wonder why no one ever agreed to court you?” You ask, realizing that Jensen really was as dense as he seemed.

“N-no… I just assumed -”

You shake her head and use his distraction to your advantage, flipping you both over so you’re straddling his hips, staring down at him now. “Never assume, Jensen. I know my father taught you that.”

“Shouldn’t you marry someone royal?”

“Show me in that stack of papers on my desk where the law states I have to have someone of royal blood be my king. I dare you. I’ve had those laws memorized since I was 14. A queen is free to choose who she will marry. And our kingdom has been at peace for a century, there’s no need for a royal contract with another nation. I’ve wanted you, and I know you’ve wanted me. So please, Jensen…”

He is still staring at you with comically large eyes, only instead of confusion and concern, those blue eyes are filled with awe and wonder. 

“I’ve loved you since I first met you, Princess.” He says quietly. “But if you want this… Then we’re going to do this the right way.”

“And what is the ‘right way’, Jensen?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You are going to let me court you and I have to step down from being your guard.”

Your face falls as you realize this means he won’t take you right here and now in the garden, under the blue sky with the birds singing above you.

“I want to treat you right,” his soft voice breaks through your thoughts. “And you deserve more for our first time than a quickie in the garden.”

You can’t argue with that logic, but you still feel disappointed knowing that you were so close to finally getting what you’ve dreamt of for years, only to have it paused because Jensen is too good of a man to do that to you.

“Alright,” you agree. “But you know, my bedroom is right there,” you tilt your head towards your bedroom door.

Jensen laughs and wraps his arms around you, pulling you down into a hug. “I am going to wine, dine, and romance you before I take you to bed. And no - this picnic doesn’t count.” he smiles brightly at you. “God I love you,”

You giggle again, kissing him softly. “I love you too, you big goof.”

~*~ Fin ~*~