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jamesvanriemsdyk · 4 years ago

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Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play.

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does).

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

#anon #answered #hockey info #wow this took legit like several hours to write between stints of taking care of the baby #ok to rb lmao

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firstdegreefangirl · 4 years ago

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OK, I have no idea what happened to it ((my guess is that the blue hellsite decided it was snacktime and ate the thing)), but ages ago, @kitkat0723 sent me an ask prompting the following:

May I pleaseeeeee request #11 back hugs and #15 The biggest warmest hugs

This is my fill for that, in this text post, because Tumblr disappeared the ask when I tried to save it in my drafts. Who knows? Anyway, it got much longer than intended, but I'm chalking that up to that it's technically two prompts, one fic. Heads up, there’s some frustratedDad!Eddie in here. Everything is all good by the end, and it’s nothing too severe, but if that’s not your kinda thing, no hard feelings. Other than that, enjoy!

Eddie’s staring at his hands, wrapped so tightly around the edge of the kitchen counter that he can see his knuckles turning white. His back is strained, muscles pulled taut against the effort it takes to support his head right now. When he flexes his fingers, it’s like he can feel the bones scraping together, hear the grinding echoing in his head.

It’s like a garbage disposal, sucking his thoughts down into its spinning blades. Except that the thoughts don’t go anywhere, and he’s still stuck thinking them.

He’s the worst dad in the world, and his kid doesn’t even have a mom to go running toward.

He can’t believe himself, yelling at Chris, sending him to his room without dessert just because he copped an attitude about his math homework.

(Actually, he did that because Chris kept rolling his eyes and calling his teacher a ‘stupid jerkface.’ Eddie met her at conferences; he might not be wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK to say it out loud. Especially when Eddie told him more than once to stop.)

But it’s been a long day, for both of them. Eddie’s coming fresh off of an 18-hour shift, and apparently Chris had a pop quiz in social studies he wasn’t prepared for. So tensions were already running high before Buck cleared the pizza boxes away, turning the kitchen table into a makeshift classroom. (And honestly, what would any of them do without Buck, swooping in with delivery dinner to take at least one thing off of Eddie’s to-do list?)

Then Eddie had spent 45 minutes trying to remember how to divide fractions. Every time he’d tried to suggest something – anything at all, from “let’s look in your textbook” to “I think you flip one of them upside down – he'd been met with a long-suffering sigh and an eye-roll that would make Anderson Cooper proud.

“Why do I have to do this anyway? Math is stupid, and my teacher is stupid, and I’m stupid, and all of it’s stupid!” Chris would shout, or some variation thereof.

And eventually, Eddie had had enough. Enough of trying to rationalize through it. Enough of Buck looking at him helplessly and shrugging his shoulders because he’s no more useful with fractions than Eddie is. Enough of Chris’ high-pitched whine, the way he flopped back in his chair and groaned. Enough reminding him to use his words, that he’s a smart kid, that they’ll get through this together.

Enough of all of it.

“Fine, you don’t want to do your homework? That’s fine!” Eddie had shouted, pushing his chair back from the table with enough force to wobble it onto two legs. “But if you’re not going to work on this, then you can go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth. No TV and no ice cream until your worksheets are done, I don’t care how long it’s going to take. I’m not doing this with you all night, go to your room!”

Chris had stared at him, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock, before thinking better of it and running off. The sound of his crutches echoing was enough to shake Eddie from his stupor, but when he’d looked at Buck, who was already looking back, concern etched across his face, he’d snapped again.

“I can’t sit there all night and watch him stare at a piece of paper. I don’t want to hear it from you either, OK? Just …” Buck’s eyebrows had pushed closer together, and the anger bled out of Eddie again. His voice cracked as he continued. “Just give me a minute, OK? Please?”

Then he’d pushed past Buck to go stare out the kitchen window, before he could say anything else to hurt someone he loves.

Which brought him to now, clinging to the countertop like the world might swallow him whole if he lets go. Honestly, he’d probably deserve it, for raising his voice at his son and at his boyfriend, all in one breath.

He exhales shakily, screwing his eyes shut against the tears that are threatening to burn hot, salty tracks down his face.

He’s the worst dad in the world, and he sent his kid to his room, and Buck probably left too, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

But he can’t give in to the anger, can’t let it take over the definition of his day. He remembers Frank saying something about that, how it’s maybe not a bad day, just a bad moment that he’s milking all day. And he doesn’t want to do that, especially not where Chris is involved. So he takes another deep breath, and a few more after that.

He’s still breathing slowly, counting every second of air in and out of his lungs, when he feels a heavy, sold weight drape across his back.

He relaxes into the contact, knows who it is before Buck can even slide his arms around Eddie’s waist. Buck holds him tightly, crouches down far enough to bury his face in Eddie’s neck, waits patiently for their breathing to even out until they’re sharing the same rhythm.

Buck stands there, holding him tightly and long enough that Eddie doesn't feel like the world is going to beat him anymore. He holds Eddie until he feels strong enough to let go of the counter with one hand and wrap his fingers around Buck’s where they’re pressing into his stomach. His wrist won’t turn far enough to tangle their fingers together, but Buck lets Eddie hold onto his hand, squeezes back as best as he can when Eddie tightens his grip.

And after a long moment, when Eddie finally turns himself around in Buck’s arms, Buck is still there. He’s there for Eddie to cling to, adjusts his grasp so Eddie can get his hands high enough to wrap around Buck’s shoulders and fist in the back of his T-shirt. He’s there for Eddie to bury his face against Buck’s chest and let out one last long, shuddery sigh.

And he’s there when Eddie leans back, just far enough to see Buck’s face when he opens his mouth.

“Buck, I--”

“It's alright, I know, you’ve had a long day. No hard--” Eddie cuts him off, before he can supply the word “feelings.”

“It’s not. It’s not alright. I overreacted, and I lashed out, and I’m sorry.” Eddie sighs and leans his forehead back against Buck’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have … I was out of line. You didn’t deserve that. You haven’t done anything tonight but try to help – and you have helped. I don’t know how I’d have gotten through tonight without you. Even if I screwed up royally.”

“You didn’t ‘screw up royally.’” Buck runs his hand up and down Eddie’s back, a hundred times more gentle than he deserves tonight. “You got frustrated, you snapped a little bit, but you backed off before you went too far. Eddie, babe, it happens. Trust me, from having parents who did screw up in a million different ways, I seriously doubt Chris is going to be talking about this in therapy in 20 years.”

“Oh god, Chris.” Eddie rears back again, dropping his hands to Buck’s sides, but not letting go of him. “I … I yelled at him and took away his dessert. Over math homework.”

“Over his attitude toward math homework.” But Buck’s words fall on deaf ears.

“He called himself stupid, and I yelled at him.”

“Eddie, hey.” Buck squeezes Eddie’s bicep gently until he can bring himself to make eye contact. “He’s doing good. I went back and talked with him, helped him get ready for bed. No progress on the math homework, but he’s jammied, and his teeth are brushed, and last I looked, he was working on the latest Captain Underpants book. He was a little worried that you were upset with him, but we talked, and he knows you had a long day, and he was being difficult and --”

“He’s not a difficult kid.” He’s not, truly, and Eddie had long ago promised himself that he’d never make Chris feel like he is.

“Maybe not, but even good kids have their moments. He knows that it’s not his fault, and that we both still love him very much. And you know what?” Eddie hums, but doesn’t say anything. “He asked me to come see if you were OK. ‘Dad must have had a really bad day,’ he said. ‘I think he might need some help with it, but I should stay in here, so I don’t get in trouble again.’”

Eddie sniffles, tears in his eyes for an entirely new reason now. Even after all of the mistakes he’s made – not just tonight, but especially now – he's still got such a sweet kid, with so much empathy, and the biggest heart of anyone he’s ever met. How many 11-year-olds would get yelled at and immediately want to make sure their dads are OK?

He doesn’t know for sure, but he’s willing to be that the number isn’t large.

“I should go talk to him,” Eddie sighs, finally stepping back far enough that he has to let go of Buck.

“I think he’d like that. Want some support?”

Eddie thinks for a moment, then nods. He doesn't know how he’d have gotten through this much of tonight without Buck, and he really doesn’t want to do the next part by himself either. He leads the way down the hall, but Buck catches his hand along the way. This time, their fingers fit together perfectly.

He stops at the doorway to Chris’ room, takes a second to look at his son, lying on top of the covers with his knees bent up to balance his book. He’s completely oblivious to the audience until Eddie knocks gently on the doorframe.

“Hey, Chris,” he starts, then realizes he doesn’t know where the sentence was meant to be going.

“Dad!” Chris sits up and grins. He grins, and Eddie’s heart swells. “Buck said you had a bad day. Do you need a hug?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, stepping forward until he can sit on the edge of the mattress. “Yeah, I think I do.”

The next thing he knows, Chris is all but launching himself at Eddie’s lap. He flings his arms around his dad’s neck and holds on tight. By the time he’s done squirming, he’s situated himself on top of Eddie’s thighs, chin tucked underneath his head.

He’s almost too big to be held like this, but it doesn’t matter to either of them as Eddie hugs him right back. One hand lands on Chris’ head, ruffles through the thick curls for a moment before gently tugging him back by the shoulder.

“Hey, you know how I always talk about setting a good example for the people around you?” Chris nods hesitantly, like he’s not sure where the conversation is going. But Eddie does, and he knows that everything is going to be OK. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“Well, I need to do that too. And tonight, that means that I owe you an apology.”

#katie writes #kw21 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 #911 fox #9-1-1 #9-1-1 fox #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #katie answers #prompt fill #kitkat0723 #my franns

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slipping-through-my-fingertips · 3 years ago

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This Love

for @gorgxoxus

Summary: NOW: The New Directions rent a beach house to celebrate graduation. Blaine shouldn’t be here but he is. THEN: Kurt and Blaine talk about college. They have to break up.

AO3

NOW

Kurt was kicking his bare feet off the edge of the dock. The sun was scorching even though it was deep into the afternoon. However, the sky was turning into a deep blue, the same shade as the water below him. He hoped his friends would also want to stay to see the sun set.

“Kuuuurt!” Rachel yelled, “Join us!”

Most of the girls were paddleboarding on the bay trying to convince him to jump in for a swim. The boys were racing kayaks down the coastline. Only Mercedes had stayed back to take some photos and keep Kurt company.

It may have been a senior summer trip, the last time they’d all be together before moving out of Lima for college, but all of the New Directions came along.

“I just reapplied! It needs to set in,” he told her again.

It was like Rachel didn’t care about protection against skin cancer at all.

While Mercedes took pictures of their friends, Kurt watched the boys’ race. Noah was out in front but Blaine and Sam were close behind him in their separate kayaks. Blaine’s was a light blue, how the morning sky had been when he brushed Kurt’s hand when bringing him a cup of a coffee.

It had stung, Kurt remembers. Every touch from Blaine used to tingle, send shivers down his spine, and erupt butterflies in his stomach but now he just got hurt by them.

“So, Kurt, when are you going to tell him?” Mercedes suddenly asked, putting her camera down.

The race had ended. Looks like Sam had won if Blaine’s enthusiastic high five—that sent both him and Sam into the water—was anything to go by. They were struggling to get back into their kayaks but once they were upright again, all Kurt could focus on was how see-through Blaine’s shirt had become.

The white fabric clung to his chest. Some of his muscles were clearly outlined. Kurt had the urge to trace them. Even if it burned his fingertips.

Kurt drew his eyes away from the boys. “Tell who what?”

“Tell Blaine you still love him.”

He choked. “Excuse me?”

There was laughter out on the water. Brittany had fallen off her paddleboard after hanging ten. Trying to help her, Santana had gone in too.

“Oh, c’mon, boo,” Mercedes said, “I know you too well.”

“I’m not in love with him anymore.”

I’ve never gotten over him. I don’t know if I ever will.

THEN

The first thing Blaine did after completing his registration at McKinley High was ask about joining the glee club. He read about the New Directions on several show choir blogs; they were good. Maybe they had placed twelfth at Nationals last year in New York but how many American teams even competed? It was an impressive feat. His old glee club hadn’t made Nationals in over a decade.

The blogs making fun of them for the “Kiss That Missed” were wrong. It wasn’t a smart play on a national stage, sure, but they had certainly proven they weren’t just a messy group of singers from nowhere Ohio any more. The New Directions were a force to be reckoned with and Blaine wanted in.

They had rolling auditions so Blaine stood in front of the group on his very first day of classes. A dozen new faces eager to see if this curly hair mess of a boy could sing. Well, he could.

Blaine Anderson had been in vocal and dance lessons since he was a toddler. His parents raised two kids who craved stardom. Cooper moved to Hollywood as soon as he could to be in commercials and live on his own no questions asked and would hopefully move up from there. It took a few years but Cooper had been casted in a television show last October.

But Blaine wanted to write his own musicals or get a record deal after college. Both if he could swing it. He had the voice for it, he knew that much, and he had been writing songs for most of his teenage years. He just had never shown anyone his lyrics. Kept the sheet music he created hidden in a locked box under his bed.

When he finished, the team applauded. He saw several nods of approval but it was official when Mr. Schue, their director, offered Blaine a seat. He found an empty one beside a girl who wore all black. She introduced herself as Tina Cohen-Chang.

Soon, Blaine found himself a new best friend. Tina was dating Mike, who was on the football team. She was ecstatic to find out Blaine actually liked and understood the game. They went to every game they could together. If it was an away game, Tina would buy Blaine coffee and offer to drive as an incentive to join her. Not that he really needed one, he loved spending time with Tina.

After games they’d join the whole team for food, he had gotten to know them pretty well. They stayed clear of the non-glee footballers. No one wanted to spend more time with the people responsible for weekly slushees.

Sam was a chill guy and had a bunch in common with Blaine, including a love of Star Wars and comic books. Puck could be kinda raunchy but he meant well. Finn, male lead of New Directions, was the only one who Blaine couldn’t figure out.

Most of the time Finn ignored him but when they did interact he stared. Like he was trying to simultaneously intimidate and understand Blaine. Blaine was willing to overlook it. He didn’t need to be friends with everyone in glee.

Actually, there was only one boy he really wanted to talk to and Blaine didn’t exactly want to be just friends.

NOW

When everyone came off the water—yes Kurt did end up paddleboarding for a few hours—they all took turns showering before starting up the grill for dinner. Puck and Quinn were on duty tonight to cook, Rachel and Mike were on sides, Sam set the table, and Mercedes and Mike had to clean up.

Kurt finally had the night off. Once he had eaten his fill, he went for a walk. He was thinking about his conversation with Mercedes earlier.

Was it time to come clean? At least, he could admit it to himself. Being with Blaine had been the best six months of his life. For weeks after prom, after their fight, Kurt was positive he’d never see Blaine again after graduation. He clung to those rare sightings in the hallways of McKinley to memorize his face like he didn’t look at it every time he closed his eyes.

Then, two days ago, he saw Sam pulled up to the beach house they rented with Blaine in the passenger seat. He ran to the bedroom and collapsed. How awkward was it to have your ex-boyfriend present on your going away vacation?

Kurt watched from the window as they unpacked the car, Tina had rushed to greet them. He remembered seeing Blaine pick her up into a big hug and thinking all he wanted to do was go down there and hug back just as tight.

Fuck, he missed him. It had only been a month and a half since the breakup. Fresh wounds opened by the salty air.

He remembers kissing in the backseat of their cars after date nights. Running his fingers through those loose curls and Blaine tucking his hands into Kurt’s back pockets. Blaine would squeeze and Kurt would tug until Burt flickered the spotlights.

They held hands down the hallways. Kissed each other’s cheeks when they dropped each other off at class. On Wednesday mornings, Blaine brought Kurt a mocha from the Lima Bean because he had to help his dad open the shop before school and didn’t have time for coffee.

Kurt thought they had all the time in the world to love each other. Maybe he still did.

But being in love with someone didn’t mean everything worked out in the end, did it? His parents loved each other and they were separated by death. Kurt and Blaine? In just two months, they would have plenty of mileage dividing them.

Kurt was going to New York, Blaine wasn’t. Nothing could change that, not even a newly stitched together heart.

He’d be leaving a piece of himself behind, Kurt knew that and he was grateful that half of his heart would be with Blaine. Even when he was mad at him, Blaine was always his safe spot. Blaine would keep his brittle heart warm and maybe someday it would make its way back to Kurt.

Even if that meant Blaine never would.

THEN

Finn warmed up to Blaine once he realized he was gay. He admitted very sheepishly that he thought Blaine was trying to steal Rachel away.

“Just because we sing well together doesn’t mean we’ll date,” Blaine had assured him.

Secretly he hoped all his duets with Rachel had shown Kurt how well their voices could blend together if they gave it a chance. If he’d give Blaine a chance.

The first real opportunity Blaine had to talk to Kurt was during boys vs. girls week.

He slid into the desk next to Kurt. While Finn and Puck goofed off at the chalkboard, Blaine took his opening.

“Hi I’m Blaine,” he said, “I don’t think we’ve met properly yet.”

For the first time, Blaine got to stare into those blue eyes.

“Kurt.”

Blaine smiled at him. “I really liked your solo last week. It moved me to hear your twist on ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ for you dad.”

The glee club had to pick someone they loved, non-romantic, to sing for as their weekly assignment.

“Thank you,” he beamed, “we used to listen to it all the time in the car together.”

After accomplishing exactly nothing, Blaine invited Kurt to coffee. There was this great coffee place near McKinley called The Lima Bean that Blaine had yet to try.

“Ooo, I love that place!” Kurt had said, “they make great baked goods.”

It had felt like a first date but that would come later.

NOW

When Kurt came back to the house everyone was sitting around the front porch with drinks in their hands.

“You’re back!” Rachel said, wobbling over to Kurt to hug him.

“How much have you had?” He asked, “I wasn’t even gone that long.”

“Two!” She exclaimed, holding up four fingers two on each hand.

“Okay then, let’s get you a seat.”

Tina came out from the house with two drinks, handing one to her boyfriend. “Oh Kurt, you’re back. Where’s Blaine?”

Oh God, did everyone know? Did Tina think Kurt had pulled Blaine away to make up? Or worse to make out? Did she know how he felt? More importantly, did she know how Blaine felt?

“Um, I have no idea.”

He thought his voice didn’t shake. His cheeks felt a little warm.

“Wait, we all thought he was with you,” she said.

“Where did he go?” Sam asked, standing up.

“I’ll text him!” Mike offered.

It wasn’t super late but it was odd for Blaine to venture off alone. Especially without telling anyone. They waited ten minutes to see if Blaine would reply to Mike. He didn’t.

Rachel was too drunk to go searching so Finn volunteered to stay with her at the house in case Blaine surfaced. Everyone made sure they had their phone before splitting up.

Kurt tried to call Blaine but kept getting his voicemail.

All he could think about was the last time he called Blaine. Their last conversation alone.

THEN

Blaine tried to avoid fighting. He may have learned to box but that was purely self defense. He hated confrontation. Except this was one fight he couldn’t run from. Not unless he was ready to lose everything.

At the time, Blaine had no idea he’d lose it all anyway. It wouldn’t matter how much he tried to keep it together, keep them together, that he’d fail anyway.

He’d learn once again, Blaine just couldn’t have nice things. He broke them and they were taken away every single time.

Kurt was the most precious thing Blaine had ever called his own. So, of course, he lost him in the worst way.

Some dreams were bigger than high school boyfriends. It’s just that Blaine had always thought they’d achieve those dreams together. They’d beat the odds of typical sweethearts. Kurt and Blaine were a love of the ages. Nothing could rip them away from each other.

Until college.

“I got in,” Kurt said. “A full scholarship.”

“I knew you would!” Blaine shouted.

They jumped around the Hummel's living room. Planning the weekend's celebratory dinner and just gushing over how wonderful this was.

It took another two weeks when Kurt was making lists of what to bring and not bring. Blaine had been sitting on his bed watching his boyfriend plan his future in New York. The city where dreams came true. God, he couldn’t wait to see where it would take Kurt. He was destined for beautiful things.

Then, Blaine opened his big mouth and asked, “what happens when I’m farther than Ohio? You’ll still let me spend weekends right?”

Kurt nearly dropped the picture frame in his hands. “What?”

“Well, I’m applying to California schools. Cooper’s gotta clean out a room for me at his place but he’s got a year to do it. I think that’ll be enough time,” Blaine laughed, “but we’ll take turns coming out to visit each other. It’s only 6 hours by plane.”

“California?”

“Yeah, didn’t we talk about this?”

“We most certainly did not.”

Looking back on it, Blaine was grateful the house had been empty.

Kurt called that night. On habit, Blaine picked up. They had a nightly call, he couldn’t have helped it if he tried. Plus, he was dying to make things right with Kurt again. He hated this emptiness in his chest. Like someone had ripped him up inside and left pieces of him on the cutting room floor when they put him back together.

“We can’t do this, Blaine,” Kurt said.

“Why not? Why can’t we try?”

“It’ll destroy you and me.”

Wouldn’t it be worth it to be together?

“You need physical affection. I can’t give you that miles away. Not if you’re in Ohio and especially not when you’re in California.”

“But I love you,” Blaine said, his voice cracking.

He could hear Kurt sniffing.

“I love you too.”

“It has to be enough.”

“It’s not, Blaine, and I’m so, so sorry.”

The line went dead.

NOW

He ended up back at the dock. Of course, there was Blaine swimming laps in the bay. Didn’t he know what time it was? Kurt wanted to yell out to him but decided to sit and wait for Blaine to come closer.

Blaine props himself up on the dock. His head resting on his tanned, muscled arms.

“Hey Kurt,” he greeted.

That signature cheeky smile. The one that made Kurt’s heart beat like crazy, the one that made his cheeks flush but thankfully it was too dark to see that now.

“Everyone was looking for you.”

“Oh yeah,” he said, “lucky me that you won.”

“Won? You think you’re a prize.”

Kurt didn’t gamble but he’d play the lottery every day for the rest of his life if it meant he had a chance at winning Blaine. Even if he didn’t get to keep him forever.

Blaine chuckled.

“Maybe you’re mine.”

Kurt turned away.

He couldn’t do this, jokingly flirt with Blaine. His chest was caving in. He wanted to cup his face and kiss him. He wanted to be able to do that without losing the rest of his heart.

“We can’t,” he told Blaine.

“I know.”

Blaine pulled himself out of the water and toweled off. It was silent except for the water slapping against the dock. Surprisingly, Kurt didn’t feel uncomfortable. He doubted he ever could with Blaine around.

There was nothing better than sitting shoulder to shoulder with him, even when they weren’t together anymore.

“I miss you,” Blaine murmured. “Every damn day, I miss you.”

And what was Kurt supposed to do with that? Nothing had changed. Blaine was in Lima for another year then he was off to LA to live with Cooper; Kurt would be attending college in New York, living with Rachel, and maybe designing clothes on the side. They couldn’t do this. It would only hurt worse when it ended.

Kurt didn’t want to be across the country when they finally decided enough was enough. That their paths wouldn’t cross again except when he heard Blaine’s original songs on the radio. When he’d fall apart in a store because the love of his life pursued his dreams without him.

“Me too,” he finally settled on. “I’m going to miss you for the rest of my life.”

“What if you didn’t have to?”

THEN

Blaine spent the weeks leading up to graduation in his bedroom. His parents thought he was just taking the breakup really hard, which was true, but Blaine was focused during those six weeks. He was determined to fix this, to fix them.

He called Cooper for advice. He searched for the right programs. He looked at financials. He studied harder for his SATs. For a brief moment, he considered just taking the GED test and skipping his senior year altogether. Finally, he sat down with his parents after dinner one night and told him the new plan.

For a junior, he knew more about what he wanted from college than most. Blaine had expected backlash and arguments about changing the game plan. Turns out his plans weren’t set in stone.

It was settled. Just in time for the New Directions’ beach trip.

Blaine called Sam to ask for a ride to the house and texted Quinn that he’d be able to make it and pitch it for the rent after all.

The day of the trip, Blaine was nervous. God, he hadn’t spoken to Kurt in weeks. Every time he tried, Kurt rushed off or Blaine felt like he was on the verge of tears. Was it stupid to believe he couldn’t be with Kurt? Some trivial, naïve belief made of teenage dreams?

“So, you’re getting back together?” Sam asked.

“What?”

“Well, that’s why you’re coming, right?” He turned the volume down. “To win Kurt back.”

Blaine blushed. He was more transparent than he thought.

“If he’ll have me,” he replied.

It was his worst fear. After Blaine got Kurt alone and explained everything, mapped out his plan for them, that Kurt would simply stare back at him and say he didn’t want it. Didn’t want him. Not anymore, it was too late for them.

“He will,” Sam said, confidently, stopping at a red light. “He loves you.”

“Sometimes,” Blaine said, remembering Kurt’s words, “love isn’t enough.”

“That’s bullshit.”

The car lurched forward.

“You two are, like, the longest lasting couple in glee. That’s gotta mean something.”

Blaine chuckled. “Longevity does not equal a happily ever after, Sam.”

“Well it should,” he said, “You and Kurt make sense.”

“In what way?”

“In every way, dude, that’s why you’ll get him back. He’d be a total idiot to turn you down. And no offense but Kurt’s like one of the smartest people I know.”

Blaine felt somewhat better after his prep talk with Sam but when they pulled up to the house, Blaine saw Kurt dart back inside. He felt helpless all over again.

NOW

“What if I don't have to,” Kurt repeated. “Of course, I have to, we have to, Blaine, because you’ll be in Ohio and neither of us can afford weekend trips back and forth. Then, in two years you’ll be on the other side of the country living with Cooper. If Ohio long distance can’t work, why the hell would LA to New York work?”

“I’m not going to California.”

Kurt goes on, not having heard Blaine speak. “I just can’t be in a relationship with you and not see you. Physically, see you, that is, video calls are fine and all but being in person, going on dates, holding you, kissing you...I need that Blaine and I know you do too.”

“Kurt,” Blaine said, grabbing one of his hands, “I’m not going to California.”

“What?”

“We can do long distance. I know we can. It’s just a year.”

Kurt nods, it’s just a year but what comes after is what worries him.

“You’ll be home over winter break. Maybe I can come up for Thanksgiving.”

“That's fine and dandy but what about after this next year,” he said, “what about your college plans?”

“I’m applying to NYU and a bunch of New York schools.”

“I won’t let you move to New York for me.” Kurt pulled his hand away. “That’s too much pressure on us. I can’t have you regretting that choice.”

“I want to be with you, in New York. I can find the same opportunities there as I can in LA except I’ll have my boyfriend instead of my brother.” Blaine reaches for his hand again. “Please, Kurt, you’re so much better than Cooper.”

He laughed. “Am I? I’ve met Cooper, he’s pretty great.”

Blaine smiled. “But I can’t kiss my brother.”

“I guess that’s true.”

They pause. Blaine squeezed his hand.

“So…what do you say?”

Kurt turned to look at Blaine. His eyes were watery but gentle like the tides.

“I love you,” he told him.

“I love you too.”

Kurt pulled his hand away and held out his pinky finger. Blaine hooked a pinky around it.

“Promise me, we’ll give this our all.”

“Promise,” Blaine swore.

They let their hands drop and sat together watching the stars.

Originally this trip was going to be Kurt’s way of getting over Blaine. At least to a point where he could leave come August without completely falling apart on the plane ride. There was enough to be stressed about when it came to school, he didn’t want Blaine to be one of those things. He thought he was going to come to accept that his relationship with Blaine was past tense, it was gone, dead.

Now, everything has changed. Once again, Blaine threw everything off course. When Blaine came in and totally changed Kurt’s life just by existing (hello, gay boy his age in Ohio, who actually liked him back?), he didn’t mind at all. Today, right now, sitting at the end of the dock with Blaine, Kurt didn’t mind having his plans completely altered.

He hadn’t wanted to break up. It just seemed like the option that would hurt the least. Of course, Kurt would never know if staying with Blaine while he went to college across the country would hurt more. That option no longer existed once they broke up and now the option was gone completely. Blaine would never be moving that far.

Not if Kurt had anything to say about it. From now on, he’d always know where Blaine was because they’d be together.

“Shit, you gotta answer your phone,” Kurt said, suddenly breaking the silence. “Everyone’s worried sick about you.”

“Oh,” Blaine said, sheepishly. “I texted Sam already, he knows we’re here.”

Kurt nudged Blaine. “This was planned!”

“Kinda.” Blaine rubbed the back of his neck. “I needed to get you alone.”

“You jerk!” Kurt stood up from the dock.

“Hold up, how else was I supposed to tell you?”

“Any other way!” Kurt yelled.

He was smiling though so Blaine knew he wasn’t truly mad. Still, the nerve of this boy. Planning some elaborate thing just to get Kurt back...he was so, so…

Kurt looked up at Blaine standing just inches away from him. He was romantic, Kurt thought. Without thought, Kurt cupped his face and kissed him.

Kissing Blaine had always been special but this kiss was different. So much poured into it. More than ‘I love you’ and ‘I want you.’ No, this kiss said ‘I need you’ and ‘don’t forget me, don’t forget how much I love you, how much you mean to me,’ and ‘I would die for the chance to love you forever.’

#klaine fanfic #klaine fanfiction #klaine #my fics #for jas

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philhoffman · 3 years ago

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OOF I'm going to get a lil dramatic here but ngl ... Cooper's success and celebration kind of ... annoys me?

Like I get that in the film industry this is an overcoming of grief for PSH, but Cooper is just a child who... shouldn't be so strongly compared to his dad in some press and media. He's his own person and I also disagree with the anon about Cooper continuing PSH's legacy. Both are two different people and I cannot imagine the pressure that is then put onto Cooper both in his future performance and in having to live up to his dad without us truly knowing if he can (it's only one movie, after all).

And on top of that .. nepotism doesn't get any better just because it happens to the right people. I didn't hear the joke myself, but it's nothing to really be celebrated nor joked about. And while PTA can cast whomever he wants, the subsequent success and media attention on Cooper still sits so wrong with me.

None of this is Cooper's fault, of course, but he only got successful because of his dad and I don't think that at all is a good thing

I'm sorry if I'm going a bit too far off and you don't at all have to post this, but I really quite feel at odds with what usual criticism is voiced in regards to the film industry versus that being entirely absent in this case. You don't have to post it if it annoys you too much in return 💛 I just wanted to share my opinion and possibly hear some of your thoughts in return ^^

Marieeee you always give me so much to think about ilyyy ❤️ Thank you for so many thoughtful insights including some things I hadn't considered before! (I'm gonna put this reply under a read more so it doesn't take up the entire dashboard 😌)

Hmm there are some things I very strongly agree with you about and some things I disagree on a bit. I'm also worried about people putting to much pressure on Cooper to be the second coming of his father. Personally I think he did an outstanding job in Licorice Pizza, but he is just a teenager who's only been acting for a short time. The constant comparisons do get old because acting-wise they are very different (and he's his own person of course!).

However, Cooper is a smart guy with a fiercely supportive family behind him (including PTA) and I think they probably knew what they were getting into with LP. A second-generation Hoffman starring in a P. T. Anderson film — it's hard to blame the public for thinking of PSH. I get it, but I also agree that some people take it too far. I just hope in the future, if Coop continues pursuing acting, he's able to explore his work and art in his own way, without that pressure. His father would be proud of him whether he becomes an actor or a bank teller, I hope he remembers that in the face of any and all expectations.

I hope I've walked the line of being very excited about and proud of Cooper and LP and how it connects to Phil while also recognizing that he's his own young man (who gave a fantastic performance on his own merits, not because of genetics).

Speaking of merit (lol), the nepotism thing — I actually have seen quite a few people criticizing PTA/Licorice Pizza/Alana and even Cooper for the nepotism of the casting. Mostly on twitter, and I haven't posted about it here because it doesn't really bother me that much, maybe not as much as it should? I admit I have rose-colored glasses about this particular instance, of course I'm partial to Cooper but idk... I know the film industry largely isn't fair but that's sort of how everything works. I have my silly little editing job because I happened to know one of the employees from high school! It's much different and often higher stakes in the film industry, esp on a major film, but I can't blame Cooper and Alana for taking the opportunity Paul gave them. Also, I think LP being a family affair was always PTA's vision, whether that's "right" or not. Though again, I am biased and probably naive — yet willing to learn more about why you/anyone else feels so strongly abt the nepotism thing!

(But I do genuinely think they both have real talent — that doesn't mean much for the nepotism argument lol, they still got initial auditions/offers because of their relationship with PTA!, but at least they didn't bomb it embarrassingly like some nepo babies!)

#cullenrutherford #ask #genuinely thank you for this bc it gave me something to think about all day instead of stressing over a work meeting!! 🥰

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missdaviswrites · 4 years ago

Text

20--Gifts

Mrs. Hudson had lived a life of far too much risk. Sherlock should have known better than to ask her for advice about John. But he hadn't heard anything more from The Woman, and he was desperate. Just not desperate enough to follow Mrs. Hudson's recommendation that he simply tell John what he felt. Instead, he put on his third best suit and called up to John that he was ready to go to the Christmas party.

They left Rosie with Mrs. Hudson and headed out to Scotland Yard. John had abandoned his Christmas jumpers this year in favor of a well-fitted blazer, and was carrying two bags for the gift exchange.

"Are they doing gag gifts this year?"

"No, real ones, with a twenty-five-pound limit."

"What did we get?" Sherlock wrinkled his nose, looking at the bags John held. One was heavier than the other. "Candles, and—"

"Chocolates."

"Boring and cliché."

"You could have gone shopping yourself," John said.

"Mm." He could have, but he didn't care to. He held up his hand for a cab, then climbed in after John.

The party was not enjoyable. Few parties were, but at least he was with John. Sherlock sipped at a glass of punch and followed him around, wishing cops were better at baking. There were platters of store-bought mince pies and biscuits and little else. Molly was here, but even she hadn't bothered to make anything from scratch.

Eventually it was time for the gift exchange. They dragged chairs around a table where all of the gifts had been anonymously deposited. Lestrade got everyone's attention so he could explain the rules to them.

"Rules? What rules?" Sherlock asked. "We bring a gift, we take a gift. It couldn't be any simpler."

"No, that's not how it works. The first person picks a gift and unwraps it. The next person can choose to steal that gift or pick a new one that's still wrapped."

"The police are advocating stealing now?"

Lestrade sighed and emptied his beer bottle—he'd had a few already. "I'll go first, then we'll just move around the circle." He reached for one of the bags that John had brought.

"No, not that one, Lestrade. Those are candles—you'd rather have one of those bottles of wine." Sherlock pointed to the tall gift bags in the center of the table. "The candles are more to Donovan's taste."

"Sherlock, you're not supposed to give away what the gifts are!"

Sherlock shrugged. "The wine bottles are obvious, and if you weren't on your fourth beer already, you would be able to smell the candles."

Lestrade shook his head and opened the bag anyway, pulling out a set of...three candles, scented with pine, peppermint and gingerbread. "I like candles," he insisted.

Sherlock sighed and slumped in his chair. Two turns later, Donovan stole the candles from Lestrade and Lestrade ended up with a bottle of wine, but Sherlock was too bored to gloat.

When it was his turn to choose a gift, Sherlock reached for the other gift bag that John had brought to the party.

"You can't pick that one," Anderson objected. "That's the one you brought!"

"No, it's not. John brought it."

"Yeah, but you know what it is already."

"Do you really think I went shopping with him, or paid a bit of attention to what he got? And anyway, I know what nearly all of these gifts are." He sat back down, cradling the bag, knowing that John would have spent the full amount on quality chocolate rather than going for a larger quantity of the cheap stuff. "It's your turn, John."

John picked up one of the packages that was left. A large box, nearly square, obviously contributed by Molly, but without being able to pick it up to test the weight and heft of it, Sherlock couldn't be sure what it contained.

"No guesses, Sherlock?" Lestrade asked.

Sherlock frowned. "Um, something practical."

John tore off the paper and lifted the box so everyone could see. "It's a foot bath."

"A foot bath?" Sherlock scowled.

"I have one myself," Molly said. "It massages your feet, and will heat the water up and keep it warm for you, and you can add bath salts to it if you want. It's really brilliant after a long day at work."

John turned the box around, reading the description on the sides. "It does sound lovely, Molly. It must have cost more than twenty-five pounds, though."

"No, it didn't. I got it on sale after Christmas last year." She gave a nervous giggle. "Because I knew we'd be doing this again this year."

"Ah, very smart. Thank you, Molly."

"What do you need that for?" Lestrade leaned towards John. "You have Sherlock, if you need your feet massaged."

John gave him a tight smile and cut his eyes sideways to Sherlock.

Sherlock tried not to react; hopefully everyone was too drunk to see how much he wanted to put his hands on John right now, although his feet weren't the first part of his body that he'd like to touch.

"Aw, Sherlock, come on! Can't you give the poor man a foot rub now and then?" Lestrade waved his bottle of beer in Sherlock's direction, laughing, then sat up straight again. "Okay, who's up next? Anderson. There's only one gift left, and Sherlock has deduced it's a bottle of wine. You want to trade for something someone else already has?"

"Hmm, well." Anderson put his hand on his chin and made a show of surveying everyone seated around the table. "I would use the foot bath, but I won't steal that from you, John, since it seems that Sherlock is shirking his duty."

"My duty? To rub his feet? "

"Yes. You know." Anderson made some sort of incomprehensible hand motion between him and John. "But I do like chocolate." He put his hand out towards Sherlock, beckoning for his gift bag.

"You can't take the chocolates. There could be nuts in them. Your daughter has a nut allergy, and you have her for Christmas Day this year. What would your ex do if she found out?"

"I could eat them all myself before Christmas," Anderson grumbled, but picked up the bag with the last bottle of wine in it, instead.

"Okay, thank you everyone!" Lestrade clapped his hands together once. "That was lots of fun. I'll be sure to drink my wine before the new year, so I can start January with my usual resolutions."

Everyone else laughed at Lestrade's sorry joke and began to gather up their gifts. Sherlock stood up, hoping to make a quick escape.

Rather than cooperating with his desire for a fast getaway, John started to help move the chairs back to where they belonged.

Sherlock stood watching him for a moment, distracted enough that he was ambushed by Molly.

"Sherlock, I'm sorry about that."

"Sorry about what?"

"My gift. I didn't mean for John to—I thought one of the patrol officers who were on their feet all day might like it."

"Nothing to apologize for, Molly." He peered past her, trying to see if John was ready to leave yet.

"I know, it's just.... They shouldn't have—" She looked up at him without finishing her sentence.

Sherlock pursed his lips, then nodded. "No, they shouldn't have," he said. "But it doesn't matter. Neither John nor I care much about what other people say, you should know that by now." He lifted his chin and turned away from Molly, pretending that what he said to her was true.

--read all the ficlets here: Put a Little Love in Your Heart

#2020 advent ficlet challenge #johnlock #soon!#sorry it's long but i really hate read more cuts #also i'm rushing the plotline #sorry!

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alipeeps · 4 years ago

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New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)!

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped!

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine.

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy, @arlothia, @howdydowdy, @thepromiseweheldforlife and @the-wandering-whumper!

#meme #fandom #crushes

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backslashdelta · 4 years ago

Note

okay becky, you asked for an ask and posted a cheryl gifset so riddle me this: glee characters as riverdale characters - gender and relationships dont matter. go.

I sure did and you sure did deliver and wow this is a tough one oh god here we go (thank you so much for asking, this was a super fun thing to think about even though I have gotten Very Sick of Riverdale lately lmao)

Archie Andrews as Finn Hudson. I feel like this one is obvious. They’re both kind of the “main” guy, they’re both jocks with a musical flair, they’re both kinda dumb at times and get into fights they shouldn’t. This one was easy.

Jughead Jones as Kurt Hummel. This might just be because Jughead is my favourite Riverdale character and Kurt is my favourite Glee character, but I also kind of see the resemblance. They’re both introverts, they’re both sarcastic and quick witted, they’re both smart and really passionate about the things they’re interested in. Kurt would hate that Jughead always wears the hat, though (or at least, he’d outwardly hate it; eventually he’d probably grow to love it, though he’d never admit that out loud).

Cheryl Blossom as Santana Lopez. Both cheerleaders, both can sing, both don’t take anybody’s shit. They’re ruthless and will do what they need to do to get what they want, but they also care deeply and fiercly about the people they love, and would do anything for them. All that without even considering gener and sexuality, and I don’t think we need to get into that because if you’ve seen the shows the resemblance is right there.

Veronica Lodge as Quinn Fabray. They’re both much more palatable than Cheryl/Santana, but can be just as cut-throat when they need to be. They’re also a little more... conniving? I’m not sure if that’s the right word They’re good at putting on a nice face and acting like everything is fine when really they’re secretly plotting. This all sounds negative, and to be fair I’m actually not the biggest fan of either character (is this an unpopulat opinion? I definitely think it is for Quinn, oops), but I think their good traits line up pretty well too. I think at their hearts they’re both good people, but are a little fucked up because their families are Not Great.

Toni Topaz as Mercedes Jones. I know you said relationships don’t matter, and this isn’t a relationship, but Santana and Mercedes are amazing together, so I think it works out nicely that Cheryl and Toni are a couple. Both of these ladies are great people, they’re very smart and talented but they don’t rub it in your face. I think they also are good at sort of grounding people in reality? I’m not sure if this point makes any sense, but what I mean is they’re both no-nonsense type of people.

Betty Cooper as Blaine Anderson. We’re getting to the point where I don’t have as good justifications. But both of these people come off as very nice, sweet, and bubbly at first glance, whereas getting to know them better you realize they have some deeper things going on underneath the surface. Blaine has a lot of insecurity issues that come up in later seasons, and Betty has some struggles that she’s dealing with as well that she does a good job of hiding from most people. Also, we don’t get any of Blaine’s family life, but I headcanon that his dad really sucks, so that’s a nice parallel. And I know you said not to care about relationships (again!) but this does give us Klaine. :)

Kevin Keller as Sam Evans. They’re both fun and generally happy/upbeat guys who are just... very nice and wholesome and don’t seem to really care what other people think. Sam was fine singing a duet with Kurt (although it didn’t happen :( ) and Kevin did the whole Hedwig and the Angry Inch thing at school, so that’s cool.

F.P. Jones as Noah Puckerman. Really grasping at straws now here, people. They’re both pretty rough and tumble, have a criminal history, but they shape up and end up going in similar career directions (sheriff/army). Not afraid to punch someone if that’s what has to be done.

Alice Cooper as Brittany S. Pierce. Still grasping at straws. They both are generally nice and good hearted but also a bit nuts and when they get their mind sent on something they go for it and don’t really care too much about the consequences of their actions.

Reggie Mantle as Artie Abrams. I do not have a good reason for this. I feel like they’re both kinda dicks who have a little bit of a superiority complex but really aren’t that great lmao. I don’t remember enough about Reggies, and I don’t care that much for Artie. They both have good moments though.

Jellybean Jones as Tina Cohen Chang. They’re both quiet and spunky and I dunno, they just give me the same energy? I don’t remember that much about Jellybean to be honest and maybe that’s also a reason, I feel like she’s a great character that deserves more screentime, just like Tina.

Hermione Lodge as Rachel Berry. Both think they’re great people and think they’re hot shit but really they kind of suck and only get the great things they get because of the people around them or because they got lucky.

Principal Honey as Sue Sylvester. Because they both try to ruin everything. No further explanation needed.

Francis DuPont as Will Schuester. He kinda runs a club and he sucks at it? Idk.

Jason Blossom as Matt Rutherford. Because they both were, like, kinda there in the beginning, but never actually got to do anything LOL.

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lady-divine-writes · 4 years ago

Text

A Change in the Weather AU (inspired by Cacophonylights's A Change in the Weather) - Chapter 34

Notes: So, here's the second half of that chapter that I promised! In Cacophony's author's notes, she mentioned liking the book 'Good Omens'. And since it's one of my favorites, I put a nod to it in here. If you can find it, you'll win my respect :D There’s only one more chapter left, so if you could be so kind as to spread this around, I would really appreciate it <3

Read on AO3.Kurt trails behind Blaine up the long staircase that leads to the second story of his house - and his bedroom - at a safe distance, traveling a path he knows so well he could walk it with his eyes closed. Kurt used to race up these stairs, full of excitement, knowing Blaine was at the top waiting for him with hugs and kisses. Blaine’s touch always made Kurt feel at home here even when the rest of the Andersons were stand-offish and seemed irritated by his presence.

Kurt keeps his eyes trained one step ahead as he makes his way up the staircase. He can’t look at Blaine. He doesn’t feel like he knows him anymore, which is the strangest feeling of all.

Kurt had refused to go up the staircase first. He didn’t want Blaine looking at him.

He didn’t want Blaine admiring him, as conceited as that sounds.

Blaine doesn’t have permission. Kurt doesn’t belong with him anymore.

They get to the top step and turn right. Halfway down the hall is Blaine’s room. They reach it in twenty paces and Blaine opens the door.

“Come on in,” he says without turning around. He crosses the room, switches on a desk lamp. Soft, white light hits Blaine’s face and he looks tired. Worn down and tired, his curls a disheveled mess atop his head, like he’s been running his fingers through them incessantly, maybe even tugging at a few. He drops down on the edge of his bed, still freshly made from the morning he left. Kurt helped him make that bed, right before Blaine’s parents drove him to the airport and out of Kurt’s life for the summer.

Kurt wishes Blaine had had the dignity to stay in San Francisco till August. What the fuck did he think he was going to accomplish by coming home? Isn’t he risking his spot at his music camp by leaving? Did he request time off?

Or is there something else tangled up in this?

Is there a chance they kicked him out?

Kurt can dislike Blaine all he wants over his cheating, but he’s a talented musician. Too talented for any music program to kick him to the curb.

No. Blaine came home to see Kurt.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

“Do you want to sit down?” Blaine asks, having the nerve to pat the space right beside him.

Kurt doesn’t answer. He stands off to the side between Blaine and the door, arms crossed over his chest, not even removing his coat.

Sebastian’s coat, actually.

He’s making his intentions clear. He’s not about to stay for any longer than necessary.

He’s going to get his answers from Blaine, and then he’s going to go.

“Explain yourself,” Kurt says, snappier than he was going for, but his body is done keeping calm about this.

“Wh-what … what do you mean?” Blaine looks up at him, hazel eyes pleading, hands folded in his lap, back bowed as if this is all too much for him to bear.

“You know exactly what I mean!” Kurt originally thought he was going to be more patient than this, but the patience he had built up is wearing thin. He’d even worried that driving Blaine home, then following him up to his room, would soften his heart to him, bring old memories rushing back, make what Blaine did seem forgivable – a lesser offense. No, he wouldn’t kiss him or sleep with him, and not just because Blaine cheated – BLAINE CHEATED! But because Kurt has something in his life so much more wonderful now that he holds dear, and there’s no way in heaven or on earth that he would jeopardize it for the fairytale Disney prince that was Blaine Devon Anderson.

“I … I don’t want to hurt you,” Blaine says.

“Too late, because you’ve already done that!”

Blaine nods, eyes drifting to his folded hands. “If I … if I explain, if I tell you everything, would you consider taking me back?”

Kurt’s throat goes dry, a simmering rage rising in the form of red splotches on his cheeks. “You do realize I have a boyfriend now, right? I mean, I’m sure Cooper told you. He can’t seem to keep his mouth shut about things like that.”

Blaine’s eyes close, his brow pinching. Kurt should feel Blaine’s pain tug at him, every wrinkle furrowing his brow should pluck at his heartstrings and make his chest ache. He remembers a time when nothing hurt quite like watching Blaine cry. Not even his own world falling to pieces. But there is no tug. There is no ache. “You can’t … you can’t be serious. I thought you were just dating Sebastian to hurt me!”

“It’s not all about you, Blaine!” Kurt snaps. “I’m dating Sebastian because I like Sebastian. In fact, I love Sebastian and he loves me! So no, I have no intention of breaking up with him to go back to you, a boy who broke up with me for the summer and then slept with someone else after just NINE DAYS! And when you did, when I felt like my life was over, when I felt like I was going to die, do you know who was there for me!? Sebastian! So you’re going to sit there and explain to me what you did and why you did it because it’s the decent thing to do! No other reason!”

Blaine’s eyes open again, moisture clinging to his lashes, but he doesn’t say a word. Why did Kurt think this would work? That he might get some answers? And that it might be easy? This innocent schoolboy act of Blaine’s that Sebastian had said he found so hot really rubs the nerves raw after a while, Kurt has discovered. How did he not see it before?

Because he was in love. That’s the answer. So very much in love with Blaine that the feeling overwhelmed him. It felt like a dream come true when the two of them met on that staircase at Dalton, like the answer to prayers he’d never admit to praying.

“You know …” Kurt decides to start since Blaine is leaving him no other choice. He focuses in on something that happened at the beginning of all this that has bothered him since day one “… I always wondered, the day you left, when you drove away, you had this look in your eyes. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but it’s haunted me.” Kurt watches Blaine’s reaction to those words as they land, sink in. His back bows further, his head sinks deeper – a confirmation that the theories Kurt had been entertaining all summer were true. His eyes narrow with repressed anger. “You knew, didn’t you? Before you left, you knew you were going to hook-up with someone? This wasn’t a ‘let’s do a trial separation and see what happens’. You had a plan!”

“I didn’t!” Blaine says, meeting Kurt’s eyes. “There … there was a guy, I’ll admit it, but I didn’t break up with you to be with him! I swear!”

“But you were going there to meet someone, weren’t you? Someone you’d already met?”

“Kind of?” Blaine sighs. “Yes. I … I met him on the camp’s Facebook page. He was … cute. And flirty. I was interested in him. But that’s it. I wasn’t planning anything.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Kurt feels an uncomfortable heat building beneath his collar. “What we had was love, Blaine! Love! It’s supposed to mean everything! It’s not the kind of thing you dump because some other guy is cute and flirty and pick up again when it’s convenient! That’s not how it works!”

“I know!” Blaine says louder than he expected because he clears his voice and repeats in a softer one, “I know.”

“We talked about spending the rest of our lives together, and you threw that away for some guy on Facebook you thought looked ‘interesting’! And it only took you NINE DAYS!”

“I’m sorry, Kurt! I am so so sorry! I really am!”

“At the very least you could have told me the truth from the beginning instead of leading me to believe we were going to get back together when the summer was done!”

“But I wanted to get back together with you!” Blaine implores. “I didn’t want this break up to be permanent! That life we talked about, living together in New York and all our plans – I wanted that to happen! I still want it! More than anything!”

Kurt shakes his head, trying to rectify the idea that Blaine thought he would ever be okay with getting back together if he slept with someone else, especially under the circumstances in which they left, even if they had broken up. How did he honestly think Kurt would ever …?

Kurt stumbles back a step when it hits him. The answer is so simple, Kurt is surprised he didn’t figure it out sooner.

God! Why did he have to be so damned naïve all the good Goddammed time? He thought he was such a smart guy, so savvy.

But when it comes to Blaine, he’s a complete idiot.

“You had no intention of telling me about your little friend, did you?”

“Wh-what?” Blaine pretends not to understand, stalling to buy more time, but Kurt gets it. He doesn’t need Blaine to tell him to know it’s true.

“You were going to come back here, pretend everything was fine, pick up where you left off, and never tell me a thing, weren’t you!?”

“No, Kurt! I …”

“Were you going to get an STD test at least before you fucked me again?”

“Well … wh-what about you?” Blaine deflects, losing his patience.

“What about me? I didn’t cheat on you!”

“Oh really?” Blaine wipes tears from beneath red-rimmed eyes with his fingertips. “I saw the pictures on Facebook, Kurt! From what I hear, you were dating Sebastian pretty much from the moment I left!”

So it appears Cooper did tell him some things (even though he’d promised Julian he wouldn’t) but he didn’t tell him everything? Was he preparing Blaine for what he might see? Then why not tell him everything? What did it matter what he promised Julian, if Blaine was threatening to hitchhike across the country? Did he still want Kurt to have the chance to tell him?

Or did he explain, and Blaine chose not to listen?

Whichever one it was, that’s Cooper Anderson for ya - helping from the bottom of his heart in the worst way possible.

“For your information, we were fake dating!” Kurt explains.

“Fake dating!?” Blaine repeats with an incredulous laugh. “What the heck does that mean?”

“It means that he was paying me to pretend to be his boyfriend! To get his parents off his back about … stuff!” Kurt refuses to go into any more detail than that. Blaine is the last person who deserves to know. But a spark ignites in Blaine’s eyes at Kurt’s admission, as if he’s found an opening. As if he still has a chance. Kurt rushes to stomp that spark out before it turns into a full-fledged fire. “But that changed. It became real! And I’m happy now. Happy with him!”

“I know I was with someone! I know! I know I hurt you and I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did! I had every intention of coming back to you, Kurt! Of moving to New York with you, of living happily ever after with you! But I didn’t ruin that, Kurt! You did! You did because what you did was way worse!”

Kurt stares at Blaine like he’s gone insane. “What!? What did I do that was way worse?”

“You fell in love! And with Sebastian Smythe!? You hate him, and if memory serves, he hates you, too!”

Kurt jerks back, the words Blaine hurled at him like hands against his chest shoving him. They carry with them so much past pain, so much humiliation, so many insults and schemes and conspiring, all against him. But they don’t make him back down because if Sebastian has proved anything to Kurt it’s that people can change.

Sebastian has changed.

Sadly, so has Blaine.

“This was your bright idea! You were the one who said that if we could survive the summer broken up and still wanted to be together, we’d get back together. If not, if we decided we’re better off apart, then we’d go our separate ways. Did that only apply to you and not me? You made up all these rules that only applied to you when there were two of us in that relationship! You wanted to be broken up, so we broke up! You wanted to sleep with someone, so you slept with him! Now you want to get back together, and I’m supposed to dump a boy I care very much about to go back to you, just because it’s what you want!?”

Kurt wants to go on and ask him, ‘Did you think of me at all when he kissed you? When you were fucking him or he was fucking you, did you almost say my name? Was my smell still on your clothes, or did you make sure to wash them twice before you packed them so it was gone completely?’ But none of that matters anymore.

Kurt is sorry it ever did.

“I knew this was going to happen,” Blaine mutters, shaking his head. “I knew that if he found out I was gone …”

Kurt catches that, and more cogs of this story start fitting into place and turning.

“What does that mean?” Kurt asks. “Did he … did Sebastian say something? Is that why you stopped talking to him on Facebook? Is that why you didn’t tell him that you were leaving for the summer? Because you thought he’d run to Lima and hit on me? And you didn’t trust me to say no?” Kurt’s hands fly to his face, covering his mouth, appalled at the words preparing to race off his tongue before he has a chance to say them. “Oh, but you can go off to San Francisco to meet up with some guy, even break up with me to do it, but I don’t get a chance at spending the summer with someone who maybe likes me!?”

Blaine doesn’t confirm nor deny, just stares off into space as if every word out of Kurt’s mouth is cruel and unfair, tearing him apart for no reason that he deserves.

And Kurt has had enough of this. He’s had enough of the self-pity. Enough of the emotional manipulation. Enough of the distrust.

He’s just plain had enough.

“Look, Blaine …” Kurt puts his hands over his face, breathes into his palms until his calm returns, then drops them to his sides “… we loved each other so much. But we’re so young, so immature, made so many bad choices …” He says that word we, we, we over and over even though he doesn’t entirely mean it. But deep down, there’s a part of Kurt that’s culpable. He let Blaine make that decision instead of taking ownership of his own feelings. He let Blaine command the conversation when he had so much more to say. Blaine controlled how they communicated, even with their mutual friends, but Kurt went along with it. The best he can do now is try to leave the hurt feelings in the past and let it go - not necessarily for Blaine. Not to make Blaine feel better. But so that Kurt can walk away with his head held high, into a future that he deserves … with someone he loves. “Let’s just … remember that and part as friends. Like you said. No mess. Just good friends.” Blaine drops his head and looks off to the side, turning his back on the conversation. It’s a signal to Kurt. Whatever he wanted to accomplish here, he’s done. "Maybe we weren’t meant to be together, but that’s not a horrible thing. It’s not going to … not going to kill us.”

Ironic, since that’s how Kurt felt for the first month Blaine was gone, but now he sees how ludicrous that was. He’s young. They’re both young. And this, too, shall pass.

Kurt waits for Blaine to speak - to agree, to argue, to try and win him back, to sing - but he says nothing. He stares at a far wall – a wall with pictures of Blaine and the Warblers and his family … and Kurt smiling back at him, putting Kurt’s words together. Or maybe shoving them away.

Kurt puts a hand to his aching forehead. Too much drama and too little sleep, bouncing around in his brain like sheep wearing stiletto heels. He doesn’t need this. What he does need - or correction, who he needs - is driving back to Westerville this very moment.

And Kurt wants to be with him right now, more than anything.

Why did he offer to drive Blaine home again? It’s getting harder to remember with every minute that rolls by.

Kurt looks at the boy in front of him - the boy he pined over; the boy he obsessed over; the boy he loved, for a while, more than he loved himself. But that’s over. He has someone else in his life that he needs to return to.

"Relationships are about trust,” Kurt says quietly. “And I don’t trust you anymore. Goodbye, Blaine.” He doesn’t reach a hand out to hold him, to hug him, to give him any comfort. That’s not what their 'relationship' is anymore. Even if they manage to become friends again in the future, even if Kurt finds some way to trust him, it probably won’t be about physical contact for a long, long time. That’s heartbreaking since Blaine has been the one he’s reached for when times were tough since the day they met.

Now, he has a new hand to hold, one just as sure and steady as Blaine’s used to be.

Kurt walks toward Blaine’s bedroom door when he hears his voice, shaking with fury, maybe some embarrassment, and thick with tears, talking to his back.

“Wh--what do you expect me to do now?”

Kurt stops a foot from the doorway, itching to leave. “I expect you to grow up. I expect you to learn from this. I expect you to accept that we’re over. And maybe, in time, we might go back to being friends again.”

“No.” Blaine sniffles through gritted teeth. “I … am never … going to forgive you for this, Kurt. Never.”

There’s a harsh sound in Blaine’s voice, one Kurt had only heard once before - when Blaine fought off Dave Karofsky in the halls of McKinley on the night they went to watch the New Directions perform.

When he fought Dave off to defend him.

Now that anger is directed at him, and it makes Kurt’s blood run cold. Not out of fear. In anger. In disbelief. It zaps any sympathy he might have had for Blaine straight from his body.

So much for not ending badly, Kurt thinks, remembering what Blaine said to him when he first told him about his asinine break-up plan.

“Good,” Kurt says, stepping out into the hallway, more than ready to go, the relief he gets from that one action telling him it’s the right one. “Now you know how I’ve felt most of this summer.”

***

Kurt half expects Blaine to follow him down the hallway to the stairs when he leaves his room, begging him to change his mind, but he’s relieved when he doesn’t. He doesn’t want another discussion like the one they just had. In fact, he never wants to have another discussion like that with anyone. He doesn’t need that kind of negativity in his life.

He prays that they can hop back into Sebastian’s Mustang and drive back to the beach as soon as possible. He needs the sea air and the warm sand on his skin scrubbing him clean again.

The house is eerily quiet as he make his way to the staircase, only the ticking of a grandfather clock on the opposite end making any noise. The Anderson house has never been particularly festive or warm before, but it’s never felt like this - like he’s the only person there.

Where are Blaine’s parents? he thinks as he hurries down the stairs. Do they even know that Blaine is home? Kurt gets an answer five steps from the front door. He speed walks across the foyer, nearly lunging for the doorknob, when a voice stops him.

“So does this mean you’re finally gone for good?”

That voice puts a chill in him, but more for the words that it says than its tone, which is sinister all its own. “Mr. Anderson?” Kurt turns to look at the man standing on the staircase behind him. “Wh-what does that mean?”

“It means that I was never happy with Blaine dating you,” Blaine’s father says, taking one step at a time down the staircase while he talks. “You’d have to be an idiot not to realize that.” He strikes Kurt in this moment like a superhero movie villain, expositing his master plan with the staircase as his prop. Kurt almost laughs out loud at that image, all the tension the night has heaped on him making this little performance of his surreal. How did he not notice that the Anderson family is full of drama queens? Tunnel vision, he supposes. “I mean, it took me a while to accept my son’s orientation and whatnot. His mother coddles him in that regard. I fought to fix it, but there was little I could do.”

Kurt bristles at the word fix. Regardless of the bullshit that went down between him and Blaine this summer, he feels sorry for him if that’s the way his father sees him. As broken. “I don’t understand. You’re not making any sense.”

“I send him to the most exclusive private school money can buy, and still, among hundreds of boys from renowned families, he ends up dating you – a mechanic’s son.” Kurt notices right away how Mr. Anderson says it, with a heaping dose of contempt - so different from the way Greg talks about his father’s profession. “The idea of you became more palatable when your father was elected to congress, but not by much.”

Kurt’s face scrunches as if he just ate something sour, then bit his tongue to boot. Kurt has been called a great many insulting names, and by people he’s respected more. But this one might take the cake. “Palatable?”

“You come from nothing,” Mr. Anderson spits, stopping at the halfway point. He leans a hip against the banister, planting himself there as if he doesn’t want to come any closer. “You have no money, no pedigree ...”

Pedigree? What am I? A horse? Kurt crosses his arms over his chest. Sebastian had told him, hadn’t he? Money, status, family tree - these things matter to the Andersons.

They don’t matter so much to the Smythes.

“And that’s important because …?”

Mr. Anderson clicks his tongue hard against the roof of his mouth. “The fact that you have to ask that question shows why it’s important! You don’t come from the same background as my Blaine, the same breeding! He’s too good for you! But the only person who couldn’t see it was him!”

“Is that so?” It’s a lame comeback, Kurt will admit, but at this point, he can’t hear himself think, his ears burning so hot they’re whistling like a tea kettle. Whether Mr. Anderson knows it or not, he’s hit on the only thing he could say that could hurt Kurt.

He isn’t good enough for Blaine.

Blaine is too good for him.

Because Kurt felt that way in the beginning, thought everybody felt that way every time they looked at him.

Kurt’s breath hitches.

Didn’t Sebastian say that exact same thing to him at The Lima Bean about a dozen lifetimes ago?

“That’s so,” Mr. Anderson repeats, mimicking Kurt’s delivery. “It cost a pretty penny to send Blaine to that camp in San Francisco. He got in on natural talent,” he says smugly, “but I was willing to donate tens of thousands if he didn’t to ensure him a spot and get him away from you. If he insists on being a homosexual, at least he can be more discerning about his options. So I found him a place with better options.”

“I think we’re done here,” Kurt says, turning on his heel and resuming his walk to the door. He has to get away from this man and this house. There are some very expensive statuettes and vases on pedestals by the door.

Kurt doesn’t want to accidentally start throwing any of them.

“I hear you’re going out with the youngest Smythe boy,” Mr. Anderson tosses at Kurt’s back.

Another chill races down Kurt’s spine. How in the fuck would Mr. Anderson know that? Except, considering what Sebastian has explained about the circles his family and the Andersons run in, it would probably be weirder if he didn’t know by now. At the gala, the news that Gregory and Charlotte Smythe’s youngest son was dating a congressman’s kid made quite the buzz. Though Kurt can’t help wondering if Cooper told him, threw Kurt and Sebastian under the bus to distract his father from any possible news of him and Julian. If that’s the case, Kurt will forgive him.

For Julian’s sake.

And just this once.

“Have you now?” Kurt asks, turning back to face him. He refuses to have the man talk to his back. If he’s going to insult him, his lifestyle, his boyfriend, he has to do it looking Kurt in the eyes.

This way Kurt remembers how much to hate the man.

Mr. Anderson tsks. “He’s just as vulgar and classless as his brother. The two of you belong together.”

“You know,” Kurt says with a superior chuckle, one that he knows is going to burrow underneath Blaine’s father’s skin and irritate the shit out of him, “that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“I just need to find a way to keep Cooper away from that Julian for good, and the Anderson family will be back on track.”

“You see, you just said the wrong thing to the wrong person,” Kurt says. “Because now I’m going to make it my life’s mission to ensure that Julian and Cooper live a long, happy life together, whether you approve of it or not. Good day, Mr. Anderson.” Kurt turns on his heel for the final time, muttering asshole under his breath, and strides confidently out the door.

***

To Sebastian (11:41 a.m.): Well that went down like a lead balloon.

To Kurt (11:42 a.m.): That bad, huh?

To Sebastian (11:43 a.m.): Yup. Just to let you know, I’m leaving Blaine’s house now.

To Kurt (11:44 a.m.): Really? That was quick.

To Sebastian (11:45 a.m.): As it turns out, he didn’t have anything more compelling to say than everything is my fault.

To Kurt (11:46 a.m.): At least he took responsibility for his actions.

To Sebastian (11:46 a.m.): …

To Sebastian (11:47 a.m.): No. Everything is MY fault. As in he’s blaming me for everything that went down.

To Kurt (11:48 a.m.): Oh really?

To Sebastian (11:49 a.m.): A-ha.

To Kurt (11:50 a.m.): And what, pray tell, was your heinous sin?

To Sebastian (11:51 a.m.): I fell in love with you.

To Kurt (11:51 a.m.): …

To Kurt (11:52 a.m.): I … don’t know how to respond to that.

To Kurt (11:52 a.m.): Should I say I’m sorry?

To Sebastian (11:53 a.m.): To who?

To Kurt (11:54 a.m.): To you.

To Sebastian (11:55 a.m.): Don’t you dare!

To Kurt (11:56 a.m.): Alright! Alright!

To Sebastian (11:57 a.m.): More happened, but it’s too much to text. I’ll tell you when I see you.

To Sebastian (11:58 a.m.): I’m going to swing by my dad’s for a bit before I go to your place. Okay?

To Kurt (11:59 a.m.): You could always borrow some of my clothes, you know.

To Sebastian (12:00 p.m.): I know. Mostly I want to say hey to my dad. Let him know I’m not dead. Tell him the good news.

To Kurt (12:01 p.m.): What good news?

To Sebastian (12:02 p.m.): That I’m going to NYADA in the fall ;)

To Kurt (12:03 p.m.): I love you, you know.

To Sebastian (12:04 p.m.): I know.

To Sebastian (12:05 p.m.): I love you, too.

***

Kurt pulls up to the curb in front of his house and turns off his SUV. He sits a moment, takes in the view of this modest, suburban house that they’ve only lived in a couple of years. It’s nothing special on its own, but it became a home when he, his dad, Carole and Finn moved into it. He should probably take more time to appreciate it while he has the chance.

After all, how much time does he have left here?

He grabs his bag and heads up the walk, unlocks the front door and creeps into the living room. “Dad?” he calls into the emptiness. “Dad, are you here?”

He should be there. His truck is parked outside. But not Carole’s car, which means they could still have gone out somewhere. He should have called ahead, but it was the last thing on his mind - one of those tasks he would start to do, then get distracted by a humongous metaphorical asteroid heading straight for him.

“Hey, kiddo! Is that you?” he hears coming from the kitchen.

“In the living room!” Kurt puts his bag down on the floor and suddenly his dad is there, all open arms ready to give him a proper hello.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Burt squeezes his son tight, pats him hard on the back. “Are you home for good?” he asks hopefully.

“No,” Kurt says, hating to disappoint him. “Just for the day. We’re planning on heading back.”

“Oh.” His father’s smile dips, but he recovers it and rolls on. “Well, okay then. Do you have a minute? Because I need to talk to you.”

“What a coincidence,” Kurt says, “because I need to talk to you, too.”

“Should we flip a coin to see who goes first?” Burt teases.

“No.” The smile Kurt gives his father’s joke trembles at the corners. Because he misses his dad. He misses him a great deal. “You go first.”

“Okay …” His father clears his throat. He shifts his weight on both feet and puts his hands on his hips, getting into what Kurt affectionately refers to as lecture mode, and Kurt knows immediately what his father is about to say “… when were you plannin’ on tellin’ me about that NYADA bill?”

“I …” Kurt should have a better response to that than one syllable and a choke, but it hasn’t been a morning conducive to answering questions “… probably … never?” Burt sighs heavily, rolls back and forth on his heels. “I didn’t want to add another thing to your pile of stress!” Kurt explains. “I was trying to figure it out myself!”

“Well you don’t have to worry about it now,” his father says stoically.

“Wh—what do you mean I don’t have to worry about it?” Oh God, Kurt thinks. I’m not going to NYADA. It doesn’t matter that Sebastian gave him the check. He ran out of time to get the money to them and now his acceptance is null and void! But they said I had till the 10th of September! the logic side of his brain argues. Did they change the rules out from under him? Can they do that? Or did they find someone better, someone more talented last minute and decide to give them his spot? Wait - they can’t do that either, can they!?

It doesn’t matter whether they can or can’t, it might already be done, which means he failed at the one thing he wanted more than anything in life.

His dream, the one he put his pride on the line for, is officially over.

“I mean I talked to the girl down in financial aid and I handled it,” his father clarifies.

Kurt's eyes open so wide he genuinely fears they'll pop out of his skull and roll across the floor. “Come again?”

“Now before I explain, I want you to know, I didn’t open any of your mail. That would have been an invasion of privacy, no matter how nervous that last one made me. I guess the financial aid department has been calling you for the past week, and when they couldn’t get a hold of you, they contacted me. They wanted to know if you were still getting the last of the money together, or if you wanted to forfeit your spot to someone on the waiting list. Since I knew you’d never do that, I went ahead and took care of it.”

“But … how?” Kurt asks, begging his dad for an answer, how it was so damned simple for him to clear up when Kurt has been suffering all summer long!

Well, not suffering.

“I need details, Dad!”

Burt grins, proud to have gotten a smidgen of the upper hand over his kid for once. “Kurt, I know we haven’t talked about it much, but becoming a congressman has raised my net worth considerably. Nine plus thousand dollars has been a struggle for us in the past, but it wasn’t as huge a stretch this time.”

“I … I guess I didn’t realize that.”

“Well, maybe you should have talked to me about it first before running around, half-cocked, trying to find nine thousand dollars.”

“There’s a lot of things I should have talked to you about,” Kurt admits, ashamed that he not only didn’t talk to his dad about this, but that he hasn’t been talking to his dad most of this summer.

Not the way they used to.

His father leans closer, raises his eyebrows like he’s about to impart some wisdom. Or a secret. “Like about you and that Smythe boy?”

Kurt doesn’t even have to ask.

That question, mostly rhetorical, tells him that his dad knows. How all these people figured them out is unbelievable! Kurt thought he and Sebastian were doing a good job acting like a couple. Too good a job. Were they really that transparent? “How long have you known?” Kurt asks, sucker punched by a rousing case of deja vu. Maybe his third case so far? He’s lost track.

“It’s more of an I suspected than an I knew. You’re an extremely compassionate person, Kurt. You have high moral standards, always have. You get that from your mom. And like I said before, I know you and Blaine both forgave Sebastian for the things he did but …” His dad pinches his lips together and shakes his head, like there’s a two and a two he’s having a difficult time getting to add up “… I couldn’t see you dating him. But you told me you were happy, and you didn’t give me any reason to doubt you. If you did this, you must have had your reasons.” Burt pauses, hedges on this point. “And now that I know about this school debt, I’m thinking that might have had something to do with it?”

Kurt bites his lips together, so close to tears he can taste them in his mouth, but that doesn’t stop the squeak that should have been a much better answer from escaping his throat. He’d thought it himself, that dating Sebastian for money made him an escort … or worse. But his dad putting the pieces together this way and then making an inference to them out loud makes Kurt want to dig himself a hole and bury himself in it. It’s a little too much - much too much for this day in particular.

Burt puts a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, gives him a comforting squeeze. “No one’s judging you, Kurt,” he says softly. “And I’m not gonna interfere in the particulars of your life. You’re going to do what you’re going to do. I just want you to take care of yourself. Look out for you. Because you …”

“I matter,” Kurt finishes. “I know. And I am. I promise. If it’s any consolation, that’s all over.”

“You guys broke up?” his dad asks, strangely upset. “But I thought you said …”

“No. No, we didn’t break up. Actually …” Kurt smiles. It’s completely subconscious, springing up on his face as if in response to a private joke, or a sentimental story “… we’re dating … for real.”

“Good.” Burt pulls his son in for a hug. “That’s good. He seems like a decent kid all things considered. Comes from real good stock. Has a good head on his shoulders.”

“How do you know that? You’ve only met him a handful of times!”

“He’s dating my son. He must be a flippin’ genius!”

Kurt laughs and Burt joins him, not stopping or letting go of one another until they’re both in tears.

“Thank you for calling the school,” Kurt says, “ and for paying that bill. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I did, Kurt. Look, I know you’re an adult and everything now, being all of eighteen, but I’m still your dad. I’m gonna help you out when I can.”

“Are you disappointed in me?” Kurt asks, and yes, it might have been cowardly of him to wait and ask when his father was riding high on his good mood, but Kurt can’t take too many more emotional upheavals today.

“No, I’m not,” his father says. “Maybe a little hurt, but not disappointed. But I understand. Dealing with small, basic financial matters are scary enough. Balancing a checkbook, making a budget, socking away for emergencies, getting a car loan. They don’t teach you those things in school anymore and they’re terrifying. I can imagine how you felt getting this news. And then feeling like you had to tackle it alone?”

“That’s … not all I mean,” Kurt admits, even when, for the sake of his sanity, it probably would be better to stop while he’s ahead.

“Kurt, I love the fact that you value my opinion,” Burt says. “As a parent, I know there’ll come a day when you won’t need my advice anymore.”

“I’ll always need your advice, Dad,” Kurt says, holding onto his dad, holding on to this moment for as long as he can. Father-son talks tend to do this to him, fill him with a sense of melancholy, especially lately, which is probably why he’s been avoiding them. Because way too often, they feel like goodbye. “No matter how old I get.”

“Then let me give you a little now.” Burt holds his son at arm’s length so he can look into his eyes. “You have to make the decisions that are right for you. Nobody else. Whatever makes you happy. As long as you’re not hurting yourself and it’s legal, I’m behind you all the way. I want you stop worrying for once and enjoy your life.”

“You’re right,” Kurt agrees, but rolling his eyes at the legal remark. Are private escorts legal in Ohio? What’s the sentence if you’re found guilty of being one? He hates that this is now something he’s going to Google when he gets back to his SUV. “I’m going to go do that right now.”

***

“Jesus, Kurt!” Sebastian moans, rolling his hips up, rubbing what’s left of his spent erection along the crack of Kurt’s rear. “I love your ass!”

“Thank you,” Kurt says, pushing back against him. “I’m rather fond of it myself.”

“So … Blaine’s dad said that to you?” Sebastian wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s naked body and holds it against him. He buries his nose in Kurt’s hair, breathes him in deep. “And he still has a neck and two testicles?”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Kurt melts into Sebastian’s embrace, into the sweaty skin pressed against his own. “I’d call that growth, wouldn’t you?”

“I knew Blaine’s parents were a mess, but I never would have thought …” Sebastian shakes his head against Kurt’s shoulder. “I’d say you dodged a bullet there, babe. I mean, can you imagine that man ten, twenty years from now …”

“I can imagine him flat as a crepe because after the first year with him as an in-law I would have run him over with my SUV. Repeatedly.”

“We still can,” Sebastian says with an excited wiggle, as if he’d started thinking about it in earnest. “I know a place where we can hide a body.”

“I’m sure you do,” Kurt says with a patronizing pat on his arm, taking Sebastian’s murderous fantasies in his stride. But the joke washes aside, and Kurt sighs. “Do you think there’s any hope for Julian and Cooper? You were with Cooper when they saw one another. Do you think …?”

“Yeah.” Sebastian doesn’t interrupt Kurt. Kurt can’t seem to finish his sentence. The past few days have taken such an emotional toll on him, his whole body aches, down to his bones. “I think they’re going to be okay. They have a lot of talking to do … which I’m sure they’ll get to after all the fucking they’re doing right now.”

Kurt tilts his head back an inch to see Sebastian’s face. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack, babe.”

Kurt’s left eyebrow arches as he continues to stare. “You know, I question the way you talk sometimes.”

“It’s a hazard of having a brother and sister almost a decade older than you.”

“That makes sense.” Kurt turns away, inching his way back against Sebastian’s body so that he can feel more of his skin around him. Sebastian seems to know this and hooks a leg over his. “Sebastian, I need you to promise me something.”

“I’ll do what I can,” he says, kissing Kurt’s cheek, his skin hot to the touch.

“I know everything that’s happened in the past two days has been … intense.”

Sebastian makes a small sound that’s part genuine laugh, part huff. “You can say that again.”

“And I know that if you decide to leave …” Kurt’s voice, which he tries to keep calm, rational, pragmatic, splinters a hair “… take a break from all of this … and me … you’ll come back, but you can’t leave. If I wake up and you’re not here …”

Sebastian shushes him gently, puts a hand to his head and draws him to his chest. Kurt turns into it, rolling towards him and resting his forehead against his shoulder. “I’m still here, Kurt. And I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not running away from you. Not anymore.”

#acitw #acitw au #kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #spread the love!

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abeautifulblog · 5 years ago

Note

12 and 6 for the writing asks?

Yassssss~

12) My favorite place to write is our courtyard patio:

We live in the literal desert, so it gets too hot to be out there during the afternoon, but it’s lovely in the mornings and the evenings, and I’ve got my chair set up with a little rolling desk I built for my laptop. It’s also enclosed, so it’s safe for my blind & stupid cat to come enjoy the outdoors with me. (No really, I love her but she’s an idiot and also completely blind.)

(And yes, I gave Gene my own hobby when I wrote him as a gardener.)

6) Hardest story to write: haaah, I think you guys can probably guess the answer to this, based on which installments took the longest to get out – “Bodies in the Lake” and “Love Like Light.” And the common denominator there was making those nerds bone.

So yeah, now that I can finally talk about what was going on behind the scenes – why did those take so long?

Part of it was just that as the fic came to an end, there were fewer things left to write, so if I got stuck on one thing, there was really nothing else for me to work on in the mean time. “The Old College Try,” for instance, had been in the works since “This House,” but when I was blocked on it, I could put it on the backburner and write six billion remixes of the bake sale instead.

So after the Thanksgiving chapter, when they finally clear the air about Robert’s mental illness, the next item to check off the list was “nerds get sum fuk” – and I really thought they were ready to get down to it. I was planning a comedy romp at a bigfoot-themed ski lodge that would end with them hopping in the sack. I thought their issues were resolved already.

And then it just.

Wasn’t.

Happening.

Was the setting wrong? I’d chosen to put them on holiday as way to shake up the scenery, get them out of their usual (sexless) routine and perhaps embolden them to try something new. Should I have left them at Gene’s house, where Robert feels safe and comfortable? But then what’s the catalyst that makes them do it NOW, when they haven’t done it BEFORE? What makes Robert decide that now is the “right time”? How do I signal to the readers that it’s okay for them to have sex now, when earlier (like in “Ghosts in the Attic”) it would have been disastrous?

But yeah, I had been trying to make them fuck since chapter 18. It’s why that chapter is shot through with sex, why Robert has a boner for basically the entire first half – and not in the freaky-dissonant way that he did in “Ghosts in the Attic,” but as a natural, healthy reaction to his beloved boyfriend rubbing up on him in slinky yoga pants. It was to telegraph that sex is on the agenda, so that it wouldn’t be coming out of left field when they consummated at the end of the chapter.

It’s why the working title for “Bodies in the Lake” was sex_happens.doc – until it became clear that sex wasn’t going to happen. That the issues raised in “Ghosts in the Attic” were still completely unresolved. Indeed, Gene still didn’t even know those issues existed.

Gene is very good at handling Robert’s crises when it’s something he’s been through before with Alex – but when Robert steps off-script, Gene’s suddenly winging it, and it shows. Alex had a lot of sexual partners in the past too – as people who are outgoing and bisexual and dtf often do – but he never did Robert’s brand of self-destructive, self-loathing promiscuity, and so Gene has no understanding of the psychology behind that behavior, or why it’s different from Alex’s form of slutting around.

And then Mary was supposed to just smack some sense into him and shove him back into Gene’s loving arms, but holy shit, did that conversation get derailed. And as an author, when a character looks you in the eye and says, It’s time to talk about this, you let them talk.

That was when my housemate-beta, who’d been there for all my agonizing over how to make them fuck, said, “You have to break this up into two chapters. This conversation here, it’s the emotional climax.” And she was absolutely right, but that’s why the sex got delayed another year. 😫

(I had not, going into that chapter, intended for them to have that conversation. I thought I was showing their character growth in the gym scene at the beginning, which features a number of deliberate callbacks to the first chapter except for all the ways that they’re healthier now, drinking smoothies instead of mimosas and actually TALKING about feelings. I had not realized they were going to DOUBLE THE FUCK DOWN on character growth later.)

So that was “Bodies in the Lake” finally out, after only eleven months (and I do consider that chapter a conscious bookend to “Ghosts in the Attic”), but I still had yet to make them fuck.

(I feel like some exotic zookeeper – like, I have created the perfect conditions for you, have I not, so why won’t you two just fuck already??)

Because it’s not just about being horny and wanting to get their rocks off (anyone with a sex drive knows how to take care of that on their own), it’s about the profoundly intimate connection that sex can be for sexual people. (The misunderstanding around this is something I find distressing in asexual discourse, when it reduces sex to a one-dimensional, even selfish, urge. I understand that not everyone experiences sex the same way, but there’s nothing selfish about wanting to feel that kind of connection with your partner.)

Not to mention that the hard ban on sex would inhibit other forms of intimacy too – that Robert can’t do ANYTHING without part of his brain keeping track of whether it’s okay or not, worrying how far is too far, knowing that there’s a stopping point coming up. It feels analogous to how queer celebrities, before they come out, seem to have almost no public personality whatsoever – Anderson Cooper and Kristin Stewart are the ones who come to mind here – because they’re having to police themselves so stringently lest anything ‘kinda gay’ slip out, that they wind up clamping down on themselves far beyond that. (And then when they do come out and are free to be themselves, it turns out they’re smart and snarky and all-around cool people!) I feel like after the sex barrier’s been broken, Robert would become a lot more relaxed and uninhibited with non-sexual intimacy too.

I’d had the first half of that chapter written for ages – the conversation after Robert comes back to the house and he explains that period of his life to Gene – but I couldn’t seem to give them that final push. I made a lot of attempts, tweaking my approach in subtle ways, but nothing quite rang true.

It was my friend Sam (dude who wrote the Craig fic) who finally said, They need to fight.

(And also that Gene needed to get pushed off his pedestal – “Because I have BEEN that endlessly patient and supportive boyfriend, and it gets old.”)

And as soon as he said it, I realized he was right – I’d done the thing, the thing that every guide on writing sex tells you not to do, which is to neatly wrap up all the characters’ interpersonal issues and tie them off with a bow and then let them fall into bed. It’s what feels logical, but it is death to drama, because then there’s no tension, and no reason for the reader to pay attention during the sex scene that follows, because there’s nothing going to be accomplished in it.

…Buuuut, when I’d spent 100k words writing a love story about careful consent, and a protagonist who doesn’t have a good handle on his own desires, there was no way for me to let them barrel through sex on a full head of passion and talk about it afterwards. It’s why they had to stop halfway through and dial it back a bit, touch base and explicitly confirm that yes, I want to proceed, bring them back from the edge for a while so it clearly wasn’t just their downstairs brains doing the decision-making.

The result is that it’s not as sexy as I might have hoped for, and while I’m a little disappointed about that, it’s checked by the knowledge that – realistically – there’s no way it could have been. Scorching hot sex requires the participants to be uninhibited, and Robert and Gene can’t afford to throw caution to the wind when they’re venturing into a known minefield. They’ll be able to relax into it later, for sure, but for their first time, they had to be mindful and deliberate about it.

(And also hearkening back to a thought Robert had in “Ghosts in the Attic,” that he wanted to make Gene smile and laugh during sex. In essence, that his vision for them, what he wanted out of sex, was more for it to be intimate than for it to be hawt.

Ah well. Stay tuned for the hookup AU – basically, all the scorching-hot sex they weren’t having in Beautiful Day wound up in the hookup AU instead)

So yeah, getting them to bone was definitely the hardest part of this fic. There were so many factors involved thanks to Robert’s various issues, that required a lot of careful calibration – and in the end, he still had to take a leap of faith. And while it’s not my favorite part of the fic, now that it’s done I can get on with finishing the rest of it. The final chapter doesn’t have anything really fraught (that hasn’t already been written), so I’m optimistic that it’s not going to give me as much trouble as the previous two chapters.

#asks #sex happens

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lyricalbowties · 5 years ago

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ENOUGH || Self-Para 11/28

Tagging→ Blaine Anderson (Anderson clan, mentions of Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, and Sebastian Smythe.) Where→ Anderson Home. Florence, OR When→ 11/28/19 Warnings→ homophobia

Blaine had done his absolute best to keep away from his family as much as possible on Wednesday. There was a lot Thanksgiving prep going on and this year, apparently, his mother wanted to entertain. When Blaine realized it was due to the family wanting to meet Rachel, he felt a whole new wave of guilt and terror. Blaine was quick to make a lie about Rachel being sick and unable to make it, but it didn’t stop the passive aggressive comments. Hence, the reason for Blaine’s hiding.

It was another lie but Blaine didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t sure how his family was going to take the truth. Or the partial truth of it all. He was always so afraid around them and there was always that need to be perfect. To try and be Cooper. Even if Blaine knew he wasn’t perfect, he still needed to be just like his brother. He couldn’t wait to get back to Ginsburg and his friends. To Kurt. Since finding those notes, Blaine couldn’t stop thinking of Kurt.

As he continued to unpack the night before, Blaine found two additional notes..

(Third note): A blue post-it note, folded and tucked inside Blaine's perfectly folded and creased pants. "I am writing this with my injured wrist. And you aren't here to yell at me. I am thinking this is the beginning of my rebellious phase. Could I pull off vibrant colored hair?" There's a doodle of "rebel" Kurt on the back, with exaggerated features such as eye liner makeup, spiky accessories, and spiked hair in weird directions.

(Fourth & final note): An orange post-it note is folded and tucked inside the suitcases corner. "If you're reading this, that means I'm entitled to a FaceTime with you before I forget what you look like. - K PS. Also if you don't, I officially am swapping living conditions with you. This is my pantry now."

He was careful to keep all four of them and placed them into the cover of a book he brought back with him. The last note Blaine had memorized word for word and could almost hear Kurt’s voice when he read it or thought about it. He had been tempted to FaceTime him so many times on Wednesday but Blaine wanted to keep quiet so he wouldn’t be roped in to any chores or more passive aggressive comments from his mother.

When Thursday finally came, Cooper arrived. Blaine was pleased he had not been there the day before because he wasn’t sure if he could handle two whole days of his brother. He showed up at 11 to the house and within the hour his aunt Penelope and uncle Jerry, his father’s brother and his snooty second wife, arrived. Thankfully, Blaine’s cousin Andrew an equally snooty thirteen-year-old was off at his mother’s house for Thanksgiving. That was just another thing for the family to gripe about. Blaine liked his Aunt Joan and was actually sad when they divorced. She was a gem and yet somehow her son turned out to be a spawn of Satan. Andrew seemed more like his stepmother’s biological child as they had the worst attitudes of anyone Blaine had met.

His mother’s sister Mae was unable to join as she and her husband had moved to North Dakota a month prior and still had a lot of work to do around the house. Blaine didn’t mind them so much and wished they had been able to come because it would have been nice to have some kind of buffer. Mae didn’t think Cooper was all that talented and challenged him each time they were together. Blaine loved it.

Instead he was trapped with his parents, his brother, his step-aunt and uncle, and his older cousin Regina (Mae’s daughter) and her husband and annoying six year old twins Emma and Maggie.

Blaine could really use a drink and he knew there was no chance to sneak one. He dressed in the outfit Kurt had clearly picked out for him and before heading down to the variable hell that would be dinner, he snapped a picture of himself in the bathroom mirror and sent it along to Kurt with the message…

Here you go. My good side. By the way, thanks for dressing me. And thanks for the notes.

Dinner started off as normal as they could get and it was a lot of talk about how each adult member of the family was doing, discussing work and other boring things. Cooper came in with talk about his show and the fans and how well his book was doing. Blaine hoped that they could eat the rest of their dinner without any kind focus on Blaine.

“So, Blaine. How’s Ginsburg?” His uncle Jerry asked as they moved onto dessert. Naturally, he couldn’t get so lucky.

“Oh, it’s good.” Blaine replied with a small smile.

“Good?” Jerry replied. “Your father is paying thousands of dollars a year for good?”

“Actually,” Blaine started, his eyes flickering over to the other end of the table at his parents. “They aren’t paying for me.”

“Not paying for you?” Penelope asked sounding a little taken aback.

His father cleared his throat. “Well, Blaine got in on scholarships.”

“And loans.” Blaine mumbled.

“What’s the matter James are you too hard up for money you can’t pay for his schooling?” Jerry continued as if his brother had said nothing.

“Jerry, he said that Blainey got in on scholarships.” Penelope said reaching for the apple pie.

Blaine hated that she called him Blainey.

Regina decided to butt in while her husband dealt with the gravy that had been spilled down one of the twin’s dresses. “Scholarships are admirable.” She said. “Means you’re really smart. What are you studying again?”

“Music therapy.” Blaine was doing his best to remain as polite as possible because he knew inevitably what was coming.

“What the hell is that?” Jerry asked a little uncouth, and his wife smacked him on the arm for using such language at the dinner table. “What? I mean what the hell is music therapy?”

“It’s uhm,” Blaine hesitated. “It’s uhm, well it’s a therapist who uses music as a way to help their patients who suffer from emotional or mental-“

“Jesus, that’s what you’re sending him to school for?” Jerry angrily cut off a piece of pumpkin pie and shoved it into his mouth.

“Well, it has been proven to show a lot of—”

“Yeah yeah,” Jerry waved his hand to quiet Blaine. “Sounds like a bunch of stuff for fairies if you ask me.”

Blaine felt as if someone had reached in and squeezed his heart. And Sebastian wondered why he had a problem coming out to his family. He took a shaky breath and tried to keep calm.

“Blaine’s really good.” Cooper spoke this time and Blaine was genuinely surprised. He looked over at his brother, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “He had a showcase in September and he nailed it.”

Blaine smiled a little at his brother who returned his gaze and winked. Cooper was…defending him. And he used his actual name and didn’t call him Squirt.

“Yeah that’s fine and well for a hobby, but what about a real carrier. Like being a lawyer, a doctor, even a politician.”

“Well, I plan on getting a doctoral degree in-” Blaine started before he was cut off.

“I think what Jerry means is a real doctor.” Penelope said. “Regina pass the whip cream, would you?”

Blaine’s brow furrowed. “That is a re-”

“Trust me, Jerry we’ve tried to talk Blaine into other majors.” His father replied taking a sip of his wine.

Blaine hated that he was being talked about like he wasn’t in the room. He blinked and stared dumbfounded at his father. He wasn’t surprised, he had previously known his father’s feelings on his major. But he was a little surprised he was talking about it at all. Normally his parents were quiet about the whole affair.

“Doesn’t seem like there is much money in music therapy.” Regina commented.

“I’m not doing it for the money. I want to help people.”

“You could be a doctor and help people.” Penelope said.

“A lawyer is a nice profession.” Jerry said, pointing his fork at Blaine.

“It could be lovely to have a lawyer in the family.” His mother commented.

“I don’t want to be any of those things.” Blaine said raising his voice to be heard.

“How is he going to marry with a job like music therapist.”

“Oh Blaine’s seeing someone now!” Cooper said.

“Really? And she isn’t here?” Regina nearly bounced out of her seat.

“You sure it’s a she?” Jerry laughed.

“Yes!” Cooper scowled. “She’s adorable. A fan too! She read my book and I gave her a signed copy after dinner the other week.”

“What do you mean by you sure it’s a she?” His father asked.

“Well, to be honest I didn’t think he’d find a girl.” Jerry shrugged.

“Why isn’t she here?” Penelope asked leaning over to his mother.

“Blaine says she’s sick. The flu, I think he said. But she’ll be here for Christmas.”

There was so much conversation going on simultaneously around the table it was hard for Blaine to find a way in.

“Actually, I doubt she will be. She’s Jewish.” Cooper said with pie in his mouth.

“Cooper, manners.” Their father chided.

“Jewish?” Penelope blinked and put a hand on her chest. “You couldn’t find a Christian girl? Are they short on those there?”

“I’m sure she’s lovely.” His mother assured.

“I’m just asking. But I suppose beggers can’t be choosers.”

“ENOUGH!” Blaine shouted, slamming his hands on the table. He was seething by this point. All eyes were on him and the table was silent. There was a lot to touch on in the conversations that were happening and Blaine wasn’t sure where to start. And while he stood there deciding his father spoke up.

“Blaine.” His tone was even and his stare cold. “Kitchen. Now.”

He clenched his jaw and hesitated but he shrunk under his father’s gaze. Blaine glanced around the table and each member of his family looked at him various levels of outrage on their faces. His mother looked disappointed and when his eyes fell onto Cooper there was something more like pity there. He followed his father into the kitchen.

“Dad, I-” He started to apologize as they entered the kitchen but his father rounded on him.

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” He said trying to keep his voice quiet but the anger was very evident. If not in his tone then on his face. “How dare you raise your voice to your mother and I let alone your aunt and uncle. You will go back out there and apologize for your behavior-”

“My behavior?” Blaine scoffed. “Did you hear the things they were saying? Why should I apologize, I have nothing to apologize for!”

His father waved his hands to silence Blaine. “You have embarrassed me enough tonight.”

Blaine felt tears start to well up in the corner of his eyes. “Why, Dad? Because I’m not Cooper? Because I’m doing something I love rather than what you want?”

“That’s enough Blaine.”

“No. It’s not. You have always stood up for Cooper and just told me it’s not enough. It’s never enough.” Blaine blinked trying to see through the tears that ran down his cheeks, not stopping to wipe them away. “Cooper is an actor. An actor and me wanting to be a therapist isn’t good enough for you?”

Blaine wasn’t sure where he found the courage to say all of this. He normally nodded and just did what his parents told him, he wanted them to be proud. But right now, Blaine was too angry to think straight.

“Blaine.” His father said through gritted teeth. “I’m warning you.”

“You let them talk down about my major, about what I want to do with my life. About my girlfriend. And you think I’m out of line? You’re my father can’t you stand up for me once in a while?”

“I said that was enough!” He father shouted. His father took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “It’s hard to stand up for my son when he’s a disappointment. Turn after turn a disappointment.”

Blaine recoiled at the volume of his father’s voice. He had never been shouted at like that before. It was always a quiet unspoken disappointment never said to his face.

“Now you can either go in there and apologize, or excuse yourself for the evening. And honestly, I think it would be better if you just went to your room for the rest of the night.” His father wouldn’t look at him now.

Blaine didn’t know what else to say. He just nodded and silently left the kitchen and made his way to the stairs and up to his room and quietly shut the door behind him.

#self para #tw: homophobia #enough

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joie-university-rp · 5 years ago

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For the week of FRIDAY, AUGUST 9TH:

Sam and Mercedes continue to be super cute and perfect as per usual--except not since Mercedes’ cousin Nora let it slip that she’s in love with her best friend Sam. Yes. That Sam.

Although if we’re honest, Nora seems to be quite the crush-whore at the moment. Between Kat, Spencer, and Ross--her heart’s getting pulled in basically every direction. Y i k e s.

Despite initial protests, Benji and Cooper continue to be a couple and they’re even saying the phrase to each other. Surprisingly, people are growing to accept their relationship--or, at least people at the school.

Most people at the school, anyway. Topher, for example, seems to have some pretty big feelings about the whole thing. But... something’s off about those feelings?

Austin and Mason are officially a couple. Which is pretty damn cute. It’s like if sugar and honey went to vegas to get married.

Ryder and Hannah are giving dating the ol’ college try.

So are Everett and Marley.

While Anderson and Ava are going the FWB route--even though they dated once before.

And Somer and Jeff have officially been together for a month.

Basically, looks like cupid’s made his way to Joie. And only 5 months late.

But on the flip side of that, there’s some weird love not-so-triangle happening between Kat, Hunter, Vince, Franco, and maybe Cooper too? Who even knows what’s going on anymore...

Everett and Blaine have finally made up and thank God for that. Let’s be honest with ourselves--without the Anderbros, what’s even the point?

Ross got a tutor to help him with his English which is obviously awesome for him, but with a face like that, is verbal communication even really necessary?

The Glee club had an impromptu performance where Mercedes, Ryder, Marley, and Jeanne sang “Beautiful” and "Who you are". Which were both awesome!

Especially considering Vice Provost O announced that a talent scout is coming to the next Glee Club showcase in September.

Ever the contrarian, Franco’s currently search for someone with a saw that’ll help him get his cast off early. Which is obviously the dumbest thing ever. I thought Joie was a smart school...

Caleb went to the hospital for an Angiogram and Gabe got to be a great brother by staying by his side (although, as a med student, getting to see the medical procedure definitely sweetend the pot--just don’t tell his brother).

Right now, Caleb’s still in recovery, so we’re seeing very little of him, but the little bit we do is obviously pleasant as ever. The way he’s walking like an old man until he’s healed is pretty fucking hilarious too.

Lacrosse captain Sebastian and vice-captain Spencer have been amping up practices for the team to prepare for semi-finals coming up next Monday.

We lost to our rivals, Carmel College, in the finals last year and if we somehow don’t win this year, I’m not sure which of the Sarcasm King and Queen will snap first.

Joie’s annual game of Assassins is going strong with Jaxon currently in first place.

Speaking of annual, the Mas-queer-ade Ball is in two weeks time and campaigning for superlatives is already in full swing.

That’s nothing in comparison to the inevitable ‘Masq-posals’ that’ll happen next week. Can’t wait to see who’s goes viral this year.

Oh. And last week, we won the home Baseball game against The Jane Addams Institute of Technology (9-8) on Monday, lost the home Hockey game against Dalton Academy Conservatory (1-3) on Monday, and placed third in the home Golf Tournament on Friday.

This week, we lost the away Baseball game against The Sylvester Military Academy (8-10) on Tuesday, lost the home Hockey game against Carmel College (0-1) on Tuesday, placed first in the home swim meet on Thursday, place fifth in the away Golf Tournament on Friday, and lost the away Hockey game against University of Westvale (0-4) on Saturday.

And that’s what you missed on… JOIE!

#joierecap

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general-idiot · 6 years ago

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Preconception

Chapter 1: Conjuction

Title: Preconception

Pairing: Hank/Connor

Summary: Connor is a hacker and a very good one at that. So when he needs something from Hank in order to reach his goals, he doesn’t hesitate to take it. It’s just that the outcome is not really what he is prepared for and now he has to cooperate with the Lieutenant in order to keep his secrets hidden.

Warnings: NSFW (rated M), violance

Connor waits in the bar. There is nothing new in waiting in places like this and he is patient enough not to start fidgeting with his coin while glancing at the entrance door every few minutes. He is used to this. He is quite used to every bit of nerve-wracking detail of this monotonous side-effect of his plan.

To the mop rhythmically hitting the floor again and again. To the muzzy hours of listening to the ticking of the old worn-out clock on the top of the shelf between the bottles that Jimmy loves so much. If Connor would form an opinion about it, he would say that it is truly hideous. He's seen it enough times to believe that this word describes it the best and he is quite fond of sticking little labels on things in order to make them seem to be less complicated. So he tags them, categorize them in his mind and most of the times share it with the world. But now, it is not time for his foolish little games, because opinions lead to questions and questions lead to lies. Quiet is the logical option.

He knows the schedule well enough. He comes in, orders a drink - for the sake of looking like he is there for the same thing as everybody else. He stays for a few hours watching, soaking up some new information dropped by the people sitting around him, then he leaves. It is a neat little procedure and he hates to break it - as people tend to hate to change their habits -, but it's just what he needs right now.

So Connor patiently waits in a booth hardly looking up to the entrance, only when he feels like it is unbearable to sit still. When he finally hears the creacking of the door, he jumps a little but the man stepping inside just stares right trough him and sits down next to the counter.

Connor knows that he can't approach him, not yet. Simple details like a few minutes make it easier to the other to believe that he has no ulterior motives. A smartly dressed young man hitting on a burn out cop is fishy on its own, but stepping right next to him without a second though is downright alarming. He doesn't actually understand these unspoken social rules but he doesn't question it either because he only gets anwers that are even more complicated than the question itself. So he waits a few minutes to go by then gets up from his booth and walks next to the man.

The man doesn't even glance at him, just drowns his face in a glass of whiskey and Connor is too determined to take it a sign to fuck off.

"Your finest whiskey on the rock", he says to the bartender. "Same to my company. It's on me."

The man doesn't look at him, he continues to ignore him as he stares right at Jimmy with his half-empty glass in his hand and then slowly forming the words he finally speaks.

"I didn't know it is a twink-friendly area nowadays", he mutters.

Jimmy just shoots an entertained expression as he places the two new glasses in front of them. Connor lifts it to his mouth as he starts analyzing the Lieutenant. He already found out from public document the most he needed to know. Hank Anderson, a 52 yeal old police lieutenant, divorced and drunk his ass off in the past 2 years in this very bar. Several disciplinary warning and penalites on his account. A dog named Sumo and a great chance of being the Connor's goose with the golden egg.

"Don't worry. My mother previously gave me her permission to visit this bar."

Connor is usually not great with jokes but this one seems to achieve its objective because it raises a tiny smile from the lieutenant. He lets out a shaky breath - just enough to cool his mind down a little, but not so much that the other man can hear it. His plan depends on his self-confidence, the portayal of a cocky and ambitious young kid who has to many daddy issues to control himself. He needs to be that even though he really has no previous experience being flirtatious and all. He knew he had to be prepared so he memorized at least a thousand different pick up lines and even more method of non-verbal representation of interest.

Still, he goes with sarcasm. Somehow that's more natural.

The lieutenant finally glares at him and probably tries to dissect every little detail of his appearance. Connor wears a white shirt with its sleeves rolled to his elbow and dark jeans. He looks neat, but comfortable. He also doesn't look like someone who belongs to a bar like this and the Hank is likely to be aware of it. But he doesn't question it. He probably has already seen stranger things.

"Alright, kid. I don't know what you want but you should look for it somewhere else."

Rejection seemed to be almost inevitable when he planned all this little play so Connor is not suprised by the tone of the sentence. He just puts his most innocent smile on his face and try not to sound desperate.

"All I intent to find is a good company to spend my time with", he says.

"You have a pretty fucked up standard if you think I am good company", the lieutenant grumbles as he downs the remaining whiskey. "Choosing a grumpy old man who is stiff enough to bite your dick off is not an idea normal people have.

Connor just shrugs his shoulders and turns a little bit towards the lieutenant. His knee bumps to the other man's. He gets a curious look in return.

"I am not fond of normal things", he says.

And then he finally gets the attention he has been fighting for because the lieutenant orders another turn and neglects grabbing his coat and jumping to the entrance door at the earliest opportunity. Somehow Connor feels a little warm inside his chest and he tries not to concentrate on the fact that this is the first time he may actually be getting some honest interest from another person for his witty personality and not only for his looks. This is new and truly thrilling.

"So", the lieutenant starts."What does a fragile boy like you do in a filthy place like this?

"I was waiting for someone. Not anymore, it seems."

Hank rolls his eyes.

"Jesus, that was cheesy ", he barks, and Connor find the sound oddly endearing. "Business or enjoyment?

Connor decides to make a bold move and puts his hand on the other man's knee.

This is really not what he planned but he starts to enjoy the situation even though it may not lead to the way he needs it. Still the temptation is unusual and as he leans closer he can smell the cheap cologne of the lieutenant and see the wrinkles on his massive hands. He probably could break his think neck in one gritty movement and the clear plausibility of this fact starts to send electric jolts trough Connor's spine.

"Can't it be both?" he breathes and watches as the other man tries to make out the words.

He doesn't pull away but his features stills for a moment before he starts to speak again.

"If you talk like you have a stick up in your ass, it probably can't."

That's the point when Connor's confidence falters and as the wounded animal he tends to act like, he makes the mistake of biting instead of compromising. Old habits die hard, even though he should know better now.

"You seem to be confident in reading my intentions."

"I'm a detective", he bites. "That's what detectives do."

Naturally, Connor stand up to feel like he can be at least little bit intimidating as the other man watches him move. His mouth falls into a tiny smile as he takes the man's whiskey and downs it in one swift move. The Lieutenant stays silent trough it. It is oddly reassuring.

"Interesting", he says as he puts the glass down. "I suppose you are also off duty considering the amount of alcohol you have already consumed. Otherwise I suppose it would be quiet irresponsible of you. Your superior would surely not favor it."

This is a clear-as-day teasing and Connor couldn't be more proud of himself for it. As for the lieutenant - well, he is less pleased. He stands up more quickly than he should be able to and grabs Connor's collar as he pulls him next to the nearest wall. He slams him to it and Connor tries to grab something not to lose balance but his options are limited so he just grasps the lieutenant's shirt in his hands, knuckles going white by the effort. He should be suprised, he should be panicking even. He just forgets it completely how to be that as his half-hard dick starts to demand more and more attention.

Not a lot of people stare at them, they must be be used to it already. Not even Jimmy bats an eye. Is it an ordinary behaviour of the man?

"Alright, Smartass", the lieutenant grumbles to his face and Connor's limbs start to give up. "Are you playing to get arrested or you just have a loose mouth?"

Connor would like to say something smart. Something witty and cheerful, something that will ease the hardened atmosphere around them but he would also like to get on his knees right now and suck the life out of the man in front of him. It is totally irrational and he doesn't actually understand where all this is coming from but the heat is there and it stays in his abdonmen as the lieutenant presses closer.

"So?"he asks and Connor, for the first time in his life decides to go with his instincts instead of calculating every single outcome of his feasible moves.

"Pull out your gun and find it out", he says without a beat. "Officer."

He doesn't actually know how he gets pressed to a bathroom stall - it happens very fast, clothes and limbs all around his vision -, but the next thing he realizes is that he is half bending, elbows on the stall's door as Hank buries his cock balls deep inside of him. He tries to keep it quiet, he really does, but the man behind him stubbornly keeps a steady rythim that forces little moans out in the stale, musky air.

"Jesus", Hank grunts, as he runs his fingers in Connor's disheveled hair.

Connor chokes on another moan and he really wishes that he was able to turn around for a kiss but that would be far too personal and it is something he doesn't want to get involved in right now. Instead Hank grabs a handful of hair and pulls him closer to kiss the soft skin under his ear, hand crawling to his mouth so Connor can suck on his finger. It is wet and messy and over far too soon.

Connor finishes on the door - Jimmy will not be happy, he thinks as he scratches the wood with one hand -, and Hank rides out the last waves of orgams as he tangles his and Connor's free hand together in front of his abdonmen. Hank tries to keep Connor on his legs, a gesture that his knees really appreciate, but his head hurts and there is a clinking noise coming from Hank's trousers pooling around his ankles. He slides down to the dirty tiles and reaches for the little badge feeling Hank's glare at his nape. Connor stares at the series of numbers at the back of the badge as he hold it in one hand, trying to memorize it. He almost forgot what he came for.

"I think it's yours, Detective", he says as he offers the little plate, voice a little bit harsh.

Hank takes it and really tries to keep his remaining dignity as he pulls the trousers up to his thights.

"Sure thing", he murmurs and Connor is oddly proud of himself as fixes his own jeans.

"I hope my behaviour won't entail any further investigation", he jokes and Hank's shoulders slump a little as the tension of the situation leaves his body.

"Don't worry, kid, you get away with a warning this time."

Connor would like to say something, but he got what he wanted and it's really not the best idea to further complicate this situation.

Hank stands in front of him like he's just ran a marathon - which is quite a good look on him, Connor decides - and maybe, after everything is settled he will come back to him. Ask for his phone number. Go on a real date, get to know each other. Maybe after everything is settled and Connor can finally fight back his demons, he will do just that. He likes to think he will be able to do that.

But right now, he steps outside the stall leaving a confused Lieutenant behind.

"I was really nice to meet you, Detective", he says and flashes a really rare smile of his for a goodybe.

"Wait!' Hank grabs after him, keeping him in place as he moves closer. "Tell me your name."

Connor swallows not really knowing if it's a safe thing to do, but then again, he is really illogical today so he just leans into Hank's space, giving him a tiny kiss on the cheek.

"Connor", he breathes.

Hank nods then fixes his shirt again and leaves.

A sudden loss perches on Connor's shoulders as he follows the man outside and passes him when he goes outside of the bar. The weather is particularly cold and it soothes his aching joints. He starts to head home. Tomorrow, he will have a lot of work to do.

He hopes til then he can calm his racing heart.

#dbh #dbh fanfic #hankcon #hannor #detroit become human #hank #connor #first fic #not my native language #first chapter #preconception

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