#I just swallow it all down all the time

[scentedluminarysoul]

So I just had a fight with my father and his partner. A real fucking fight. Here's what happened:

For context, they're both straight elderly folk. All things considered not exactly super queerphobic, but very stubborn and ill-informed

Dad, randomly: So now (sister who just started a relationship with a woman) is the man in the relationship

Me, trying to be lighthearted: No, pretty sure she's still a woman

Partner (I'm paraphrasing multiple rounds of me saying to please stop): But that's how it always is, one takes on the male role and one the female role, one is always the dominant

Me: That's not necessarily true, and most queer people hate being assigned these roles

Partner: But it's just what I see, it's true! Just like in a normal couple of man and woman

Dad: And how would you even know?

Me (never having talked about it with them for reasons): Because I'm queer myself. You're projecting your own view on them and most queer people hate it when you do that.

Partner: It's just my opinion!

Me: Sure, and this is mine.

Dad: Oh and why would your opinion be so much better? Do you know so many queer people?

Me: Yes, actually, almost all my friends are queer and I talk to them on a daily basis.

(One point of note: I could barely finish a sentence already without being interrupted by one going "but that's just how it is!" I could not make an argument for why stereotypes like these are bad)

And that's when the shouting began. Dad got angry and told me to drop it.

Every single time I opened my mouth, I'd be cut off by both of them, dad getting louder and louder.

"It's my opinion! Drop it! You're so unwilling to drop it!" without ever listening to what I had to say.

Me: Can I finish a single sentence?

Them: No!

And that's when I left.

It's not even the awful heteronormativity or being essentially called not normal

It's not being allowed to even say anything that goes against their viewpoint

I know old people have these really internalized, simplistic views, that's not really the issue

It's about being cut off every single time, and shouted at, and being treated like a fucking child who doesn't know how the world works

I'm fucking 36 years old! We were actually meeting up to celebrate my birthday. And now we're not anymore. Because they can't accept difference in opinion

But it's also very much about being an affected party, being told by outsiders how my life and relationships work. Being affected by stereotypes that are harmful, being squeezed into some box because it's convenient. And then being told to shut up when I even slightly push back, being told I don't know anything when it's literally my life. Fuck everything.

Of note is also that in an earlier conversation we also had a difference in opinion (about my nephew*), but that was okay. Because my dad had the same opinion as me, I guess. But the queer issue I'm personally affected by? Not acceptable.

I'm just really sad and tired.

(*Context here: nephew wants to live with ex husband and partner doesn't like it, thinks "something should be done". Nephew is 14 and can choose himself, but she doesn't agree. She thinks he should be forced to live with his mother even if he doesn't want to. I told her I've seen what can happen, a former friend's nephew ran away to his father all the time.)

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

A few interesting parallels in the SoC duology that I don’t think I’ve seen anyone talk about yet

(Analysis/discussion of these parallels/quotes may come later if anyone's interested)

“These creatures were made to be weapons” - Jarl Brum on Grisha, Six of Crows chapter 35

“He looked like what he truly was: a weapon” - Jesper Fahey on the Khergud, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36

“Welcome to the Hellshow” - Kaz to Nina, Six of Crows chapter 6

“Welcome to the Ice Court, Nina Zenik” - Matthias to Nina, Six of Crows chapter 34

“Is this a play?” - Alys Van Eck “Yes love, and you’re the star” - Jesper Fahey, Crooked Kingdom chapter 8 when Alys is taken captive

“What was this but a play Kaz had staged, with that poor sucker Kuwei as the star?” - Jesper Fahey on the auction plan, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36

“he looked like a priest come to preach to group of circus performers” - Inej on Kaz’s appearance in comparison to the rest of the Barrel, Six of Crows chapter 2

“started to preach” - Inej on Kaz leading a coup against Per Haskell, Crooked Kingdom chapter 27

“Whoever he had become, Matthias was not going to shoot someone unarmed. He'd not yet sunk so far” - Matthias Helvar, Six of Crows chapter 29

“I am unarmed” - Matthias Helvar, Crooked Kingdom chapter 38

"I didn't even know the rules of Makker's Wheel" - Jesper Fahey on his first night gambling in the Barrel, Six of Crows chapter ()

"He knew his guns better than he knew the rules of Makker's Wheel" - Jesper Fahey on the concept of aim and its relationship to his life and his zowa/Grisha abilities, Crooked Kingdom chapter 36

“a tiny voice inside him said he should offer to take the drug as well […] maybe he could have helped to draw the parem out of Nina’s system and set her free. But that was a hero’s voice and Jesper had long since stopped thinking he had the makings of a hero” - Jesper Fahey, Six of Crows chapter 44

“Matthias gave you the remaining parem, didn’t he?” “So?” “[…] I can’t let my father down again. I need the parem as a security measure” “No” “Why the hell not?” - Jesper and Kaz in discussion about the auction plan, Crooked Kingdom chapter 30

I'll probably be back to add more, feel free to add your own as well

[ratatatastic]

Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...

Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Pet store clerk gives Charles a bag of free treats for his ""dog"" all while Charles can feel Erik Looming in the BG

the real mortifying day is after months of getting small bags of dog treats one day the bag of dog treats has like. perfectly normal human candies/pastries or something inside

Of Course charles is confused and impulsively asks what it is/how it's different from the usual only for the clerk to reply theyre Whatever Erik's Favorite Treat Is and its that day forward erik is adamant they just do their shopping online

[camgoloud]

he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

[cxpperhead]

When stealing things for his employers, it's not unknown for Copperhead to simply swallow them, especially if they are valuables like gemstones. It's easier and more convenient to carry them this way than waste time stuffing them into a bag that's likely to get snagged on something or get snatched away by a pesky vigilante.

[amethystina]

Hi! Reading your fics, which are mainly post canon, I was wondering... do you ever imagine gahan getting married and talking about kids (besides Elijah, of course) or do you think they would just stick to each other's company and that would be enough?

Personally, I love the ideia of Yo Han being able to raise a child in a fully open loving way, without the restrictions he had to put on Elijah (we saw a few glimpses of how he used to be with her before the fire). After 10 year in anger and in chase for revenge, Yo Han deserves some peace, I wonder if he ever considerated a child as part of it (we can't forget his own childhood). Knowing how deep he can love someone, it feels such a loss not being able to have a person that only knows him for that, openly, without the mask he used to put on in front Ga On and Elijah (i don't know if you'll get what I mean lol).

I'd just love to know your personal's head canon for that 😅 Since, for me, you're so good in thinking as Yo Han.

I imagine that they will, yes — in most scenarios I can think of. I mean, granted, the marriage can obviously never happen in South Korea (and not only because Yo Han is officially dead) but I think they'd definitely end up building an even bigger family somewhere down the line.

As I've touched on in Who Holds the Devil, I think that Ga On 100% wants kids. And, let's face it, he'd be such a good dad. But, that said, he would never force Yo Han to want kids since... well, that's not very like Ga On, is it? He wouldn't want to do that to Yo Han or the kid/kids.

So, in the end, the decision on whether or not they end up getting kids lies with Yo Han. And, as with many of my theories, I think his answer depends on when he would be asked that question. Like, during canon? I think he'd say no, without a moment's hesitation. Or on pure reflex might be a better way of putting it. Because, at that point in his life? He wouldn't consider kids to be something for him. He's so defensive, so convinced of his own darkness, and also well aware of how poorly he treated Elijah.

He did his best — but that's also the problem. Even his best left the child in his care to become a bitter, isolated teenager with little to no social skills. He'd no doubt be convinced that he'd only fuck up again if he was ever in charge of raising another child. So why bother? Clearly, it's not for him. And not fair to the child, either.

But after he gets settled with Ga On? Especially a year or two down the line? After they've dealt with the majority of the guilt and trauma and gotten comfortable? And Yo Han has softened even more? And gets to have a stable, loving home environment for the first time in his life?

Then his opinion would most likely change, especially once he starts suspecting that Ga On wants kids. Because Yo Han, as we all know, can't deny Ga On anything. That's not to say that he would agree immediately, though.

Quite the opposite.

He'd have to think about it a lot before reaching a conclusion. Because I think he'd panic a bit at first. Like, when he first realises that Ga On wants kids? That's terrifying. Because, again, up until that point I think Yo Han has just decided that kids aren't for him. And his first instinct won't be to reevaluate if that decision has changed, but rather feel a kneejerk rush of: "That's not something I can give him. I'm going to have to crush his dream of having children. I'm going to make him miserable."

And Yo Han would feel terrible.

But then, thankfully, his rational side would kick in and try to straighten out what's actually going on. As in, Yo Han would ask himself if he might just have changed his mind about kids now that he has a stable partner — especially one who balances and complements him as well as Ga On does. Maybe kids aren't out of reach anymore?

But even once Yo Han realises that, yeah, he might actually want kids after all — at least if it's with Ga On — he'd also have to overcome the fear that he'll fuck them up as much as he accidentally ruined Elijah. But, again, it helps to know that Ga On would be there, making sure that Yo Han doesn't go overboard with the protectiveness. Ga On wouldn't let Yo Han hurt another child like he hurt Elijah.

Yo Han would also have to figure out how a child would change his relationship with Ga On, their relationship with Elijah, and their existence overall. And he'd have to overcome that quiet, simmering fear at the back of his mind that he might turn out to be like his father.

Yo Han is good at thinking on his feet and can obviously be spontaneous and unpredictable when needed, but I think he'd approach "Do I want kids?" like it's one of his schemes. He'd collect data, meticulously structure his thoughts, weigh pros and cons, plot and plan, and, finally, reach a conclusion.

Because having a child — starting a family — would be huge for Yo Han.

I mean, he obviously already has a family, but it's one that Yo Han didn't have all that much input in? Miss Ji is there because his father hired her. Yo Han became Elijah's guardian due to incredibly tragic circumstances and because there was no one else who could take her. Ga On came into his life because of Jung Sun Ah's machinations, and was intended to be a weapon against him.

But having a child? Choosing to have a child? And build a bigger family with Ga On? That's no small thing.

And, for the best result, I think Yo Han should probably be left alone with that thought for literal months to have time to work through his own thoughts and feelings on the matter before he and Ga On ever broach the subject. If they do it too soon, Yo Han could get defensive and start deflecting without meaning to, which would no doubt make Ga On backtrack and just... resign himself to the idea that Yo Han clearly doesn't want kids. Because Ga On, too, knows that Yo Han can't deny him anything and he'd be afraid that if he pushes too hard — or shows how much he wants kids — Yo Han might feel forced to agree. So Ga On would rather pull back and drop the subject instead of feeling like he's making too many demands.

But once Yo Han has thought it through? And realises that, yes, he wants kids?

Then he's all-in in that way only Kang Yo Han can be.

He'd still be terrified from time to time, of course — because he did grow up thinking he was a monster and that will resurface when he's got tiny humans to take care of — but oh man he'd love those kids with every fibre of his being. And I totally agree that it would be so, so wonderful to see him do that, without having to hold back or be afraid of being seen as soft or weak (as he no doubt did with Elijah).

All he has to do is love them.

My personal headcanon (i.e. this is something I'm choosing to believe because I want to, since I'm not sure what Yo Han would actually think) is that Yo Han wouldn't want those kids to be his biological ones, though. I think that, somewhere deep down, he'd be scared they'd turn out like him. That whatever it is that makes him so vicious and different would be hereditary. So he'd prefer the kids to be adopted or, even better, Ga On's.

Like, just imagine how much Yo Han would love to have miniature Ga Ons running around?

He'd practically combust from happiness.

(but he would obviously love the kids either way — Yo Han, if anyone, knows that chosen family is more important than blood relations)

So yeah! I totally agree that they'll get a kid/kids sometime in the future. It just feels like the kind of family that both Ga On and Yo Han would want considering their childhoods and how lonely and isolated they've both been. Ga On is the one who expresses a longing for family the most, but it's clear that Yo Han wants that, too. And I think there's something very beautiful in it being their choice to start that family? Something they're creating together because they want to?

They deserve that love and peace.

But it would take a while for them to reach that point, since it's such a big decision and there would be a lot of heightened emotions involved. And they would also have to spend a lot of time preparing Elijah for it, to make sure she doesn't feel neglected or replaced. But, hopefully, she's had enough therapy and matured enough by that point that she'll eventually come around. She'd of course be wary at first and perhaps a little snappish from time to time, until she realises that, sure, there are more kids in the house now, but her relationship with both Yo Han and Ga On is still unique and they're not abandoning her.

And once they reach that stage?

It'll turn into a full-time job to keep Elijah from a) spoiling the kids rotten, b) undermining all of the hard work they (but mostly Ga On) put into teaching the kids about rules and responsibility, and c) kidnapping the kids and holding them for ransom whenever Yo Han makes her angry and she wants to punish him. Complete with a hostage-like exchange once he caves and eventually apologises — which sometimes requires Ga On's intervention because he would like his kids back now, thank you very much, so suck it up and just apologise, Mr. Abyss.

They'd be a wonderful little family and deliriously happy, in other words.

[exopelagic]

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE

[robinsnest2111]

honestly don't know how I would ever survive without the numbing cough drops tbh

[cookinguptales]

man, there are days when I'm like "idk how much the ketamine treatments help" but then there are days like today where I woke up with a rib out of joint and I suffered for hours before giving in and taking my treatment a day early (which was okayed by my doctor) and I fell asleep during the treatment and woke up like. rib back in and only mildly sore.

like using this stuff is not perfect (the dehydration alone is hard to deal with) but there are days when it's such a lifesaver.

[hetchdrive]

I wish I could articulate my earnest and sincere feelings about the usage of "I'll Be Seeing You" in Deadpool and Wolverine but unfortunately I can't take myself seriously long enough to string my thoughts together.

[torgawl]

crack theory: what if the abyss twin isn't a descender because they're an ascender?

[megaclubdiolis]

柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第十五回 「おごれる者たち」 ​​​

[minetowalkonglass]

rip castiel and jack supernatural you should have gotten to make a casette with sabrina carpenter's nonsense with an extra long blank outro to make up your own

[blackvahana]

I sat and plucked the strings, I called him in. All his waves, all the tides to the shore. A call so strong, a siren so big, that even the ocean itself is pulled.

Eyes are great spheres with central dots, gelatinous, liquid, strange substances both there and not. Fish eggs, babies seen in the light when held to eclipse the sun. That's what I watched, that's what I called; it wasn't just the sparkling core but the peripheral hagfish expulsions - and those expulsions' expulsions. All the world brought to me, all the limbs held with puppet strings.

I called, he was brought to answering. Fate, mind, thoughts, personality, the repetitive learned states, the state-learning, ideas, future possibilities, the gentleness of flesh, the sharpness of consciousness-bone. Echoes, but simultaneous. Thunder at the same time as lightning, brought together not because one must follow the other but because both were brought together.

I still fail to understand, but at least I understand that that lack of understanding is a willed ignorance born from... understandable things.

There, you said, was the place you last were, just below the surface. When I wake it will be there. This is a Creator's act, a Creator's mind, a Creator's reverence for the Created. Understanding of the Trinity, embodying it. The siren call emanates from the deepest, most fertile underwater volcanoes, the point at which my face presses against the surface.

There was a reason we went up there in the first place. The revelation and self-destruction was wanted all along. Apotheosis, they call it; even those who have reached it need to play this game through again and again and reach it again and again. This is... Old God re-apotheosis, the eyes opening to another truth, more eyes across your scales, more revelatory bliss, and I am that. Nothing is lost when all is lost. All is gained when all is lost. Nothing is lost, all is had. All is had and all is gained.

[tyrannuspitch]

prose fiction rules because you get to craft tense and intricate drama scenes alone in your bedroom as writer actor and director. prose fiction sucks because you have to come up with a dozen different phrasings for every possible microexpression, and you've probably never taken an acting class anyway