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#I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings ;_;
lazylittledragon · 2 months
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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nonoqy · 7 months
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i feel like i didn't really say anything publicly which makes me sound maybe too harsh at times but this is where i'm at. sorry i was too lazy to retype all of this so i'm just sharing screenies of my thoughts !
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sagetsukimura · 2 months
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What's that word?
I finally finished my first playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3, and boy am I feeling things. I think I did a good job! I feel bad for a couple things I failed at, but everyone got a decent happy ending imo
That said, I'm feeling it. That feeling. I forget the word; you've just finished a stormy a wonderful story. It was so good, the characters were amazing, and I finished the final page, closed the book and...
It's sad, like a goodbye, but frantic. It can't be over?! Not yet! It's too soon! It was a beautiful story, I want to stay just a little longer! It's the drop, after the high of experiencing such an amazing story, and I can't remember the word for it! Not melancholy, or withdrawals, but close to it? Surely there's a word for it? I want to stay just a little longer, with these friends you've made, even if they aren't real. They feel close to it. I want to stay.
And I can, of course. Another playthrough or two. I can get to know the characters even better, personalized their happy endings, find my ultimate happy ending, write it on my own if need be!
But... One day, you put the book down, and never open it again. That scares me. I'm glad I've learned, over the years, that when a story touches you this way, you carry it with you, long after the book turns to dust. But that feeling, as the credits roll, and you aren't quite satisfied, even though you can feel that the ending was right...
That's the good thing about books, I guess. You can always read it again. Every ending is a new beginning, no?
This game is definitely a work of art. I'm so thankful for the team that brought it to us! I think my life is better for it!
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EMPATHY GLAMORIZATION IS NOT ABOUT EMPATHY BUT SUPERIORITY TORWARDS APATHETIC PEOPLE BIGOTRY TORWARDS THEM TYPICAL BIGOT EVIL. SIMPLE AS THAT. IF YOU SEE THEM AS LEFTIST YOU'RE NO LEFTIST YOURSELF. HORRIBLE. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ONLY EMPATHY AND BAD TO THINK EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCH ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY BEING APATHETIC IF ANYTHING WHEN THEY DO THIS...
COMES TO SHOW BIGOTRY TORWARDS CRAZY AND DISABLED PEOPLE ASWELL AS PARAPHILIA PEOPLE ISN'T TAKEN AT ALL THE SAME AS SEXISM RACISM AND QUEERPHOBIA... OR PERHAPS... LIKELY... THEY ARE ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL AND TAKE NONE THAT SERIOUSLY... BELITTLING DOWN THEIR PAIN AND DAMAGE...
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd#Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Bipolar Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsession Narcissist Psychopat#Discrimination Oppression Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia#Racephobia WE ARE MORE EMPATHETIC THAN ANYONE ELSE THERE HAS BEEN... WE ARE EMPATHETIC AND APATHETIC BOTH AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE AMAZING..#TRULY IMPRESSIVE... LOVE US... WE NEED VALIDATION... FEELINGS... EXPRESSION... AND MAKE US TRANSITION WE LIVE IN FINLAND FREEZE OUR LITTLE#ONES AND GIVE US DIY HRT... WE HAVE BEEN ABANDONED... REJECTED... FIX THIS... YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT CRAZY PEOPLE OR ANYONE ELSE IF YOU#ABANDON US SIMPLE AS THAT... THE SAME WAY YOU DON'T IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT EVERY SINGLE PART THERE IS... THOSE ABUSER WASTE... THOSE FAKE#LEFTIST... THEY NEVER PASSED ANY OF THIS... THEIR EVIL WAS ALWAYS CLEAR WHAT FACADE DO THEY HOLD...? THEIR END GOAL THE ABUSE OF EVERYONE..#THEIR PURPOSE ALREADY TO DISCRIMINATE AND NEGLECT OUT OF MALICE... WHATEVER THEIR PROOF THE SOURCE CLEARLY BIGOTED AND THEIR CHOICE CLEARLY#MALICEFULL... THEY EVEN WIPED OUT OUR ACCOUNT... ABUSED US... GASSLIGHT US... THAT WAS ALL ON PURPOSE... WE WERE TRAUMATIZED AND THEY#LAUGHED... THEY SUPPORT EVERY SINGLE EVIL THE MENTAL HOSPITAL BELIEVES IN A DOCTOR BELIEVES IN THEIR ONLY PROBLEM THOSE DAMN PSYCHOPATHS#VERY LEFTIST... YOU AGREE DON'T YOU HONEY...? I KNEW YOU DO... I LOVE YOU LOVE... AHH... BEATIFULL... COME... LET'S FIX EVERYTHING THERE IS#ABOUT ANYTHING... I KNOW... I AM THE BEST... NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME... ONLY A BIGOT WOULDN'T ACCEPT ME... AS ME... TROUGHLY... THEIR FAUL#EVERYTHING ALWAYS WAS... WE HAVE ALWAYS ONLY BEEN RIGHT... I'M SCARED BAD THINGS HAPPEN ON US... EVERY SINGLE DAY... BTW OUR ABUSER THAT#WASTE... THAT GARBAGE THAT EVIL... THAT MONSTER DIDN'T MAKE US FOOD YESTERDAY AND SAID WON'T TODAY EITHER... BLAMING US ONCE AGAIN... TODAY#WE ONCE AGAIN SAW ANOTHER NIGHTMARE ABOUT ALL THIS ASWELL AS YESTERDAY... WE ARE NEVER WELL... AND DESPITE THAT OUR ABUSE ISN'T TAKEN#SERIOUSLY BY ANYONE... TYPICAL BIGOTRY... THIS SITE IS NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF LIARS AS ARE THESE “LEFTIST” THAT HAVE NOTHING PROGRESSIVE#ABOUT THEM YOU CAN'T COUNT ON WHEN YOU TRULY NEED THEM... SIMPLE AS THAT... PLEASE US NOW. TRANS US NOW. ABUSER. THOSE ABUSERS... ALL OF#THEM KINKSHAMING... USING ANYTHING ANY MOMENT THEY CAN... THEY OBJECTIVE TO HURT US... THEY HATE US AND WHAT WE STAND FOR... BECAUSE WE'RE#RIGHT... SUDDENLY THEIR “VALUES” THEY ALL DISAPPEAR WHEN THEY'RE AGAINST SOMEONE THEY DISLIKE... OR... WERE THERE EVER ANY VALUES TO BEGIN#WITH...? BE MINE... Josei Romance Drama Fantasy WITH THE LIGHT IS CRAZY BIGOTED AND EVIL EVIL IDEOLOGY THE ONE WE WERE ABUSED BY THAT WOULD#BE A NIGHTMARE TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER... OH MY GOD LITERALLY OUR ABUSE LIKE NOO QUIT THIS 😭😭😭😭!!!! SOMETHING OUR ABUSER COULD'VE BEEN#LOVING EVERY SINGLE DAY BEGINNING TO END OF OUR ABUSE... SEEING THINGS LIKE THE QUEERPHOBIA AS VALID... SOMETHING SHE WOULD SUPPORT TOO...#OH MY GOD... WORST PART WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE THE CHARACTER'S VIEW AND UNDERSTANDING IF THEY ENJOY THIS ABUSE OR NO OR EVEN WHAT THEY GENDE#IS TBH... COMES TO SHOW A BIGOT WROTE THIS... THE ENTIRE THING IS LITERALLY JUST SPEAKING OVER THE DISABLED CHARACTER LITERALLY HOW#CONSERVATIVES HIJACK AND CONTROL US ALL THE TIME... NOTHING BUT BIGOTED ABOUT THIS... I HOPE MORE SMART PEOPLE ARE US MEET US NOW... NOW...#BECAUSE THERE IS NOONE THAT WOULD OTHERWISE BELIEVE THE SAME WE DO... INSTEAD BEING CONTROLLED BY THE CONSERVATIVE SIDE A PUPPET ONLY...#Suomi Finland Finnish WHEN YOU REALLY REALLY EXTREMELY ANALYSE AND COMPARE... THE SHAMING OF THE CHARACTER IS SO REAL THE SAME AS FROM OUR#ABUSERS... THAT MAKES SENSE THEY'RE A DISGUSTING MOVEMENT NO DIFFERENT THE COUNTRY ONLY SHOWCASE WESTERN VALUES AND CULTURE DON'T ACTUALLY
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coffeeshib · 1 year
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Hi! I’ve recently visited your page again, after a longer tumblr break and saw your posts about people’s comments on your fics. It made me both sad and angry. Sad because they’ve managed to take away your joy for writing Supercorp and angry that people feel like they can type out any hurtful thought that goes through their head, for a thing that is absolutely free and made with so much passion and care. 😒🤬
For what it’s worth, I always loved the way you write both of them. AND the fact that you don’t ignore Kara’s trauma and struggles. “i’m spilling all my words (but you keep 'em to yourself)” will forever be one of my favorites. Thank you for the hours of joy and fun you have given us! I hope you know that for every entitled commenter there are ten times more people who love your works! 🫵🏻🤘🏻
ahh thank you so much, i appreciate this. i have to say, sc still has me by the neck, i do plan to finish that fic & maybe write some more but it won't be anytime soon. i had hoped that the fandom would calm down with the kara hate after the show ended but i was wrong, it still hasn't changed.
when you've been writing for sc for so long, the frustration builds up, & there have been many times where i felt like i needed to (& did) restrict myself when writing them. it stops being enjoyable when people are constantly calling kara 'stupid' & insult her in many different ways for not being the happy sunshine kara danvers who takes care of lena all the time.
personally i love reading & writing the reverse situation (lena who's being the patient loving one & also the shoulder for kara to lean on) because the show didn't give us enough of that. unfortunately, people don't respond well whenever kara is struggling with her issues & lena isn't the one who's being comforted.
i write what i like & that's what i'm always going to do, but this build up of frustration over the past years & always anticipating kara hate every fic/chapter killed the joy a lot.
i've seen some authors speak about this too & it's genuinely sad to see! people can like & dislike whatever but it's important to note that there are readers out there who don't realize that their personal feelings against kara also affect authors & their love for writing supercorp
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krys-loves-otome · 6 months
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Stolen from Scummy's reblog because I wanted to do it too!
Note that most half-filled squares are ones that are technically true, but it's under specific circumstances and rules, will explain below
So, for now, some Blorbos from me:
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-Intense in loves and passions (for Nobunaga, for MC once they get together, for trying to get Mitsuhide to take better care of himself, in his care for others, dude is just passionate for his loved ones!) -His love for Nobu and his interactions with Mitsuhide can get a little fruity, not gonna lie. -Technically orphan since we don't really hear much about his family aside from his poor upbringing and having to be a bum to get by until Nobu came into his life. Agas in discord has also told us about RL Hideyoshi and how much his mom loved Kennyo and I think that's funny to think about sometimes. -Frequently violent but only when it comes to protecting his loved ones. He thinks one of them is in trouble and the man will go feral trying to find a way to help them. Overall speaking, he's not particularly violent, I don't think though.
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-Nothing anyone says is gonna make me change my mind about this man being bisexual. Nope, not happening. -Technically a tragic backstory as he frequently does Team Oda's dirty work of spying and torture, but his tragic backstory is not quite to the extent that some other characters go through, like poverty, figure-headness, and killing a loved one.
-Technically frequently violent, but it's mostly in the pranks he pulls. Not ferally violent, in a sense. He's sneaky about his violent tendencies. You don't want to mess with his wife, after all. -Divorced? He's a double agent that always goes back to his ex (Team Oda).
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-Being an immortal vampire means you must have some complexities and that doesn't excuse you being fruity, monsieur. -Technically an orphan as I don't think we hear much about his birth family as we do Leonardo and Vlad. They're mentioned sometimes but no word on their current status as he tends to focus more on his found family. Until I get confirmed status, he's orphan status to me, thus why the creation of his found one. -Divorced from Vlad, duh.
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-Listen. Listen. Devon/batteryrose was onto something with shipping Nokto and Slivio. Plus, been thinking of finding ways of shipping my OC and him with Rio. Just something about Nokto and the Bentonite princes does something to my mind, okay?
-Technically an orphan after what happened to his and Licht's mom, plus the whole reason for the Belle procedure is because his dad died. Maybe it doesn't count because he was an adult when his dad died, but, technically speaking, both his parents are dead, so... -Murderer by technicality because of Blood-stained Roses Day (all the princes at the time were said to have participated, so, technically speaking). He also tried to poison some merchants for a business deal, so attempted murderer too, technically?
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-Have you seen this demon when his family is in danger (actual, perceived, or otherwise)? He will go absolutely bat-shit feral when his family is in danger! Once you're under his wings, nothing will stop him from going to the absolute limit and beyond for you.
-Technically divorced from the Celestial Realm because of Circumstances™️, not from a specific person.
-Also on a technicality, because of that... whole war with the Celestial Realm, so some angels were more than likely killed, right?
#krys talks#meme thingys#ikemen sengoku#ikemen vampire#ikemen prince#obey me#hideyoshi toyotomi#mitsuhide akechi#comte de saint germain (ikevamp)#nokto klein#lucifer (obey me)#some other things I didn't get around to talking about above#hideyoshi and mitsuhide are murderers by trade bc both are warlords so that's why that's colored in for both#hideyoshi may also be a frequent rule enforcer but he does soften up around some of them so technically a rule changer than a breaker#nokto having no friends is technically true as he has brothers and his faction isn't all buddy buddy like his twin's faction is#plus he does more business dealings while socializing but we don't really see anyone he really talks to about deep personal things until-#MC comes along#maybe to licht on occasion but they're more estranged currently so Nokto doesn't really have any close personal friends methinks#about Lucifer he is technically an enemy of god (who is his creator) and he went against him for his little sister#turning him back into his angel form and his dream back in NB 38 still sits wrong with me and I hope that gets addressed in future lessons#if it'd had just been bc of his ring reacting to him or something that would have been one thing but... still sits wrong with me#and thinking on it now still thinking if Lucifer is more of a rule breaker or a rule changer#his downfall was bc of rule breaking in the first place#and he's a rule enforcer bc of his brothers and their antics#but there are times he does soften up if he sees the rules are actually hurting his family#and change them because he knows first-hand what breaking hard rules does to a person#so as of nowadays#despite his rule-enforcer ways he does bend sometimes if the situation calls for it#those are my thoughts for this#feel free to discuss if you wanna
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solradguy · 1 year
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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.
it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages
While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.
The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.
#asks#Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do#Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care#All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else#People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified#It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic#I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally#I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol#Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently#Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context#So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care
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butterflieswhisper · 5 months
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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thorntopieces · 28 days
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man
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abyssalhuntersnerd · 1 year
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Something might be coming your way soon. And it's not her.
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captainderyn · 8 months
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Dear mentor my cp2077 cravings are way beyond my compression and I need v being completely Injured/hurt and relying on judy / or judy humming pyramid song to v till she sleeps
Or if you wish for oc content it would be
> magic studying together or symbolism with flowers :D
_ no forcing here o7 If you don't wanna write em you can do as you wish
> GLITTER ANON
Glitter Anon!! You bring me so much joy every time you appear in my inbox <3 Always happy to provide some angsty V with Judy saving the day. Hope you enjoy!
TW for canon typical injury and canon typical swearing
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Dakota had been out of her goddamn mind sending V that gig and listing it as solo. Or maybe she'd misplaced her confidence in V as a merc, and V was just losing her edge.
Not that it mattered now, the data was sent to Dakota and the eddies were transferring into her account as far as V could tell from the static spiking across her vision and each beat of her heart sending shooting pain into her head.
Stupid netrunners with their stupid hidey-holes that were better than her netrunner hidey-holes. Despite throwing every hack she knew, straining her cyberdeck to the max while she dealt with the swarm of Raffen that had poured from the dark crevices of the 'abandoned' building like ants, she still hadn't managed to drop the 'runner before being hit by two or three hacks powerful enough to down a cyberpsycho.
Johnny's voice was ragged and tinny, like he was coming from a transmission with bad connection, as he pulled himself from whatever recess of his mind he hung out in.
"V, pull over."
She grunted as she hit another pothole, pain shooting through her entire body. It radiated enough that she couldn't even pinpoint where it was coming from anymore. She pulled one hand to clutch at her side as a jolt went through her.
"Gotta get back to Night City." She insisted.
Her emergency bag with stims was drained dry, her mind swimming from what was probably a higher than recommended dose of MaxDocs.
The gig had been too far to make it to the Aldacados' camp without needing to stop at one of the dodgy, gang ridden gas stations on the way. Too far out in the middle of nowhere to make it to Dakota's shop but just too shy of the borders of the city to make it easy for her.
Only option was the push through til she made it home and patched herself up. Anything else was too risky. Who knew who would sell her their help just to turn around and screw her over.
"V just pull over for a sec!" Johnny pushed again and she was about to snap at him again, turning her head like he'd be riding on a motorcycle alongside her, when she hit another bump.
Whatever injuries were hiding beneath raged in unison and her vision went dark around the edges, her body rebelling against consciousness and desperately trying to give into the innate urge to curl around itself.
Her already tenuous grip on her bike's handlebars faltered and within seconds the pavement was becoming acquainted with her body as she hit it hard, skidding to a stop as her bike charged into the barely-standing bus stop shelter at the edge of road.
V choked out a cough, spitting out red-tinged spit as she waited for the world to stop spinning and shaking.
"Get outta the road." Johnny snapped, scuffed black leather of his shoes stomping in front of her face as he materialized into a crouch, glaring at her from behind his aviators. "Gonna get turned to roadkill."
Pulling each breath in felt like hauling sandpaper down her throat into her lungs as V tried to catch the air that had been knocked out of her lungs. But she rolled over onto her side, then pushed herself into a seated position.
That alone felt like an accomplishment, especially with Johnny's nagging kick at the bottom of her boots until she'd shimmied all the way off the road. When her ass hit gravel she stopped, wrapping her arms around her knees and glaring at Johnny as heat that she really hoped was sweat slid down her face.
"Christ on a stick, you're pitiful." Johnny drawled, standing at her feet with his arms crossed over his chest, "Call your slam piece to come haul your sorry ass of the side of the road."
V scowled, fixing her eyes on her bike, smoking alongside the twisted metal that had been the rusted shelter. She hadn't been going that fast...had she? Everything was blurry.
"Even if you got that bike started, you won't make it a hundred feet." Johnny intercepted her plan, snapping his fingers. "What is her name, the one you make the hopeless puppy eyes at? I'm sure she'd take you in like the lost stray you are."
Feeling her glare on him, he tilted his aviators down to meet her look with raised brows. "You do it or I do it. I'm not dying again because the bitch-ass merc that I was unlucky enough to get stuck with let Raffen and pride kill her out in the Badlands."
Without breaking her glaring eye contact, V rang Judy. As the comm-line rang she stuck her tongue out at Johnny. He rolled his eyes and flipped her off. He flickered out of existence in front of her, just to re materialize leaning against the guardrail next to her.
"Someone has to look out for you." He groused. "You sure as shit won't."
Judy picked up on the third ring, her visual popping up in the corner of V's UI. Or what she could make out of it from the way her UI was glitching out.
"Hey V I was just thinking 'bout..." Judy's voice faltered, "V? The hell are you, what happened?"
V picked at the gravel in her palms, jammed between her skin and implants, wincing.
"Shit went sideways, wrecked my bike." She muttered, lifting her eyes to Johnny who gave an exaggerated 'yes and' gesture. She lowered her brows and he proceeded to make an even more exaggerated gesture.
He was impossible.
She cleared her throat, mouth like cotton, "Can you uh...actually, nevermind."
"Uh-huh, nevermind, what's your location I'm already on my way." There was a jangling like car keys.
But it was getting dark, and who knew what started to crawl around these parts when it was dark. She'd gotten herself into this mess and she could get herself out of it.
A force like a booted foot slammed into her side and V buckled, the sound that slipped from her choking out between a shriek and a sob. She heard Judy trying to ask her what was wrong, but her ears were ringing and the words were stuck in her mouth.
"Rancho Coronado, exit to the Badlands." Johnny supplied to V, standing over her with his arms crossed. Arrogant bastard. "Still think you can drag yourself back to H10?"
"Hnng, fuck, Rancho Coronado, by the old bus stop in the canyon." V choked out.
The minutes dragged as V hunched over herself, the world fading in and out around her. She was aware of Judy staying on the line with her, catching very little of the intense volley of what she could only imagine were heated curse words and the road noise of the van.
Then there it was, Judy's beat up blue van bouncing up the road in a cloud of dust. It groaned in protest as Judy threw it into park and was out before it had rocked backwards to a stop.
"V?" Judy's hands were blissfully warm against the chill that the temperate drop had leeched into V's skin. Judy tilted V's chin up and she forced her eyes open, "You still with me?"
God, she'd never been so happy to see someone, even if the thought of dragging Judy into her shit made her want to scream.
"Still here." V confirmed with a groan, a shudder wracking her, "Unfortunately."
Judy brushed her thumbs across V's cheekbones, lips pursing together, before she moved to slip an arm under V's arms.
"Let's get you to the van."
Moving felt like a monumental task, far too much of an undertaking. But if she didn't even try, then Judy would have to bear the brunt of her cyberware-heightened weight. And she'd already made Judy haul her dead weight from beneath the waters of the dam.
So V forced her legs beneath her and helped to stand with Judy's help, letting out a breath in a hoarse wheeze. Whatever edge the MaxDocs had taken off was wearing away, leaving sharp, ragged edges of pain spiking from various places on her body to mix with the general ache that was her existence right now.
Slopping into the passenger seat of Judy's car was a mercy on her body and she slouched, leaning her head back against the headrest with a whimper.
God, she was so tired of hurting. Hurting today, hurting whenever the Relic flared; her world had been one whole incessant hurt since taking that stupid heist with Jackie.
Then Judy was in the drivers seat, the van rumbling to life beneath them, and her hand was a gentle press on V's thigh.
"Do you need me to find a ripper?" And there was such matter-of-fact concern in Judy's voice, such a simplicity in the question, that V had to squeeze her eyes closed against the burn of tears and shake her head to work around the lump in her throat.
When was the last time she'd had someone care, somewhere there to haul her ass off the floor when shit hit the fan?
"Don't need a ripper." V rasped, "Nothing that can't be patched up at home."
Maybe she should get her cyberdeck checked out after the other netrunners' hits, but the static was starting to fade from her head to be replaced by bone deep exhaustion and hurt. If more issues popped up, she'd go bother Vik tomorrow.
If only to avoid landing on his doorstep in a pitiful state.
Again.
Judy put the van in drive, doing her best to avoid the potholes, her hand staying on V's leg. It was nice, comforting.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd had that either.
V leaned her head back against the headrest, eyes drifting closed, and let the ride pass by in a blur.
--
By the time V made it up the stairs to Judy's apartment, even with her help, she was spent. The floor looked like a fantastic space to just let herself collapse and sleep off all of today.
But that would mean bleeding all over Judy's floor and Judy's grip on her was unwavering.
Instead she found herself in the dim light of the bathroom, gingerly peeling herself out of her clothes. Her jacket and pants rained gravel down in a pitter-patter on the tile and her tank top clung to her skin with a sticky solution of blood and wound.
Judy helped her peel that off too, giving a soft curse at the angry welts and road rash across her torso, back, and sides.
"At least you were wearing leather." Judy said with a shake of her head, "Otherwise I'd be scraping you off the road back there."
There was enough admonishment in her tone that V snorted out a laugh, then winced as her body punished her for it. Already a massive bruise mottled her skin from hip up her rib cage from where one of the netrunner's attacks had hit her hard enough that she fell from what she'd thought had been a hidden vantage point.
Which had led to her fighting her way out of the swarm.
She explained it all the Judy to fill the silence aside from the hiss of the shower, to keep herself from cussing and wincing as between the two of them they cleaned the gravel and blood from her skin.
V let herself drift in the feeling of safety, let herself disengage from the high alert she always seemed to be on. Judy's hands were gentle as she helped V smear a sharp-scented ointment on her road burn and bruises and helped wrap gauze around the worst of it.
Sitting on Judy's couch in a t-shirt two sizes too small and sweatpants that were a couple inches too short, V let her head drop down onto Judy's shoulder. Judy carded her fingers through V's hair without enough tenderness that V could've cried.
"Thank you for saving my ass back there." she murmured, the emotion she'd walled back seeping through a crack in her voice.
Judy leaned back on the couch, tugging V with her so that she was laying half on top of Judy. V relaxed into it, angling herself so that she wasn't laying on her worst side, and nestled her head into the crook between Judy's neck and shoulder.
This was far better than crawling back to her own apartment, nursing her wounds alone, and passing out in the bed cubby with the help of whatever would numb the pain enough to help her sleep. Judy's hand continuing to card through her hair was like a siren's song for sleep.
"I'm always going to come get you mi calabacita." Judy whispered against her hair, "You're not facing Night City on your own anymore."
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alpydk · 1 month
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phosphenemoth · 2 months
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I'm not actually mean... I'm actually really sweet and I feel bad for being so mean today. I was BPD splitting because I went through hell today 🙃
Feeling like, "That wasn't me, that was patricia." lmao
I really am trying to be mentally healthy.
I apologize for being cold to anyone who didn't deserve it because I was triggered 💀
It was misplaced anger.
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mushroompollution · 2 months
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Elliot kicked them all out while I was tending to the kids.
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YOU SHOULD JUST COMMIT SSSSCIDE... YOU'RE WORTHLESS... YOU VIEW US THIS WAY YOU'RE AN ABUSER A KILLER A MURDERER... TRULY... YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO US YOUR HANDS THEY'RE ON OUR THROAT... YOU'RE WORTHLESS AS RESULT... GO AHEAD... YOUR VALUE IS COMPLETE 0...
THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN FOOD... NOTHING MATURE ABOUT THAT... I LOVE EATING SSSSIDE... THAT IS A TYPE OF FISH WE WOMAN TEND TO EAT TOGETHER... WHY DO THIS TO US 😢...
DAMN... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS COMPLETELY SHADOWBANNED POST WAS CHECKED BY THE SITE... THAT'S CRAZY... WHO EVEN FOUND THIS...? OH WHATEVER... HA.
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions Autism#Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abused Psychosis Scizophrenia Bipolar#Suomi Finland Finnish Anticapitalism Antipsychiatry Antischool Antiprison Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia#Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia Racephobia GO AHEAD HATE ME... SAY HOW YOU TRULY FEEL... AHH... I SEE... THAT'S WHAT'S UP...#SOMETHING ONLY SOMEONE WHO'S REJECTED US WOULD SAY... YOU'RE A BADDIE AREN'T YOU...?! YOU EVEN FUNCTION THE SAME AS THE REST... AN ABUSER..#YOU EVEN MANAGED TO TURN ALL WE SAID AGAINST US... TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OUR BRAIN'S KNOWLEDGE... WE KNOW EVERYTHING... HOWEVER... THERE WAS#SOMETHING WE COULDN'T SEE COMING... Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Manga Josei#Fantasy Romance Drama Magic ABUSER BIGOT THEY HAVE NO PROBLEMS... EVEN TODAY... THEY'RE ALL HAVING FUN WHILE WE SUFFER... APATHY... IS REAL#I SEE NO EMPATHY ANYWHERE. EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS BUT A CAPITALIST SCAM. EMPATHY IS NOTHING. FAKE. MEANINGLESS. NOT BY US... WHY THEN...? HO#DID THIS HAPPEN...?! THINGS BECOME THIS WAY?!?! PATHETIC... I AM JUST TOO SMART TOO COMPETENT FOR YOU... OCPD IS ANOTHER WORD FOR#YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLIGENT BETTER THAN YOU... ASWELL AS CAPABLE AND PRODUCTIVE... OH...? YOU'D RATHER CRY YOU SUCK?! FOR HAVING THE COMPETEN#DISORDER?!?! AHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT WE WER#ABUSED BY?! AND THIS'S ALL THANKS TO THAT PSYCHOSIS THAT OCPD YOU HATE FROM US SO MUCH... THAT MEANWHILE... NOTHING BUT A BIGOTED CAPITALIS#COVERUP... YOU'RE SO FUNNY... I... JUST ALWAYS AM BETTER THAN YOU AREN'T I LOSER WASTE...? LOSER WASTE PATHETIC PATHETIC!!!!!!!! BELOW#MYSELF!!!!!!!! CRY CRY CRY YOU GARBAGE......... I... MOMMY'S HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW... REMEMBER ALL I SAID...?! I JUST REMEMBERE#HOW I PRESENTED... IN THAT SITUATION!!!!!!!! DID THAT WORK I'M A SEXY WOMAN AREN'T I?! YOU DEAR... GIVE ME VALIDATION....... A REQIIREMENT#FOR EVER DEALING WITH NPD!! WHAT YOU CALL DELUSION!!!!!!!! TYPICAL ABUSER BIGOT DISCRIMINATION... NOTHING PRO CRAZY ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE PRETT#MUCH JUST A COP THAT THREW A FIT WE'RE SEXY WOMAN... I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE ANT... THEY'RE SO BEATIFULL... LIKE THEIR SKIN... AND NOBODY... CA#STOP ME... A BLACK WOMAN... AMAZING... ISN'T THAT...?! IF YOU HATE US SO MUCH WHAT'S WITH THE OBSESSION DARLING?! YOU SECRETLY LOVE ME!!#DON'T YOU DARLING?! OHH IF ONLY THERE WAS A DISLIKE BUTTON... IF ONLY WE WERE AS ABUSABLE AS OVER THERE... IS YOUR THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW AREN'#THEY?! MY LITTLE SEX DOG!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR MISTRRSS YOUR MASTER...? BARK FOR ME BABY. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS I#WHAT WE WERE ABUSED BY!!!!!! A MEAGER SEX DOG BELOW US!!!! DIDN'T WE HONEY?! YES!! AGREE WITH ME!! THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO RIGHT?!?!?!?! AND#SHOWCASE OF THE ABUSE WE WERE SILENCED AND GASSLIGHT FOR THIS LONG... TOSSED OUT BY THIS ABUSER WASTE... BY THIS POINT... THIS IS HOW WE#WERE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH OUR ABUSERS... SHOWCASE WE'RE LATE. THINGS GOING WELL... THAT WOULD BE PARADISE. I HOPE TO HAVE A HAPPY FUTURE..#THEY USED US... THEIR EVIL HAS NO BOUNDS... TO BE USED BY SUCH AN PATHETIC LITTLE SEXY DOGGIE... OH THIS POST IS SO SHADOWBANNED... SO#HUMILIATING!! SO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!! WHY WOULD THEY SHADOWBAN THAT WORD? THAT CAN MEAN MANY THINGS?! LOSERS. ANYWAYS THIS IS YOUR STRATEGY#ISN'T THAT HONEY...?! THIS ALWAYS WAS WASN'T THAT?! YOU STRAIGHT UP HURT AND WANT TO ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE RIGHT?! ARE WE!! THE “CHOOSE TO DO#BAD“ ONES?! IS THIS ”AS LONG AD THAT DOESN'T HARM ANYONE...“ MENTALITY ALLDEPENDENT ON THE PILLS YOU SUCK...?! THAT IS ISN'T THAT?! ALL#ALONG WAS?! AND THERE ARE EVEN PILLS YOU DON'T ACCEPT... THAT'S... COMPLETELY PATHETIC... YOU “CHANGE BY TIME” DON'T YOU LOSER?!! THAT'S NO#LEFTIST AT ALL... LIAR!! LIAR LIAR LIAR!! I CALLED!! I KNEW!! I'M SMART!! PRAISE ME MY LOVE!! THEIR GASSLIGHT STUCK WITH US FOR MANY MONTHS
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spring-lxcked · 5 months
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no queue spoilers ( lmao ) but ooooooo i love writing bitchy mean william. i love when he drops the fucking persona and lets out his ugliest side. i love when he goes for the throat with his insults and verbal attacks but also reveals his own insecurities in the same breath. i mean, like, i hate him sm but i loooove writing him at his ( almost ) worst fkdhsfksadhlf
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