#I honestly think I'm just a bit tired from the burnout and stuff too

[amethystina]

You know, I almost feel obligated to say something.

It bothers me a little when people complain that the story is dragging on and I just don't know how to explain to them that this is a style of story and it's very, very captivating to me. I really love reading huge things, things that give me time to love and “live with the characters”. He understands? I always read and I can get hooked on stories like this and keep imagining the scenes in the next chapters.

So don't get nervous about this kind of thing and believe me, I read a lot. I really read a lot, everything. And I can guarantee that I know when something is amazing just by reading it. Never change the pace of WHTD, most of it is there precisely because of that slow burn that ends up being extremely addictive.

By the way, I don't give a shit about kidnapping etiquette. This anxiety hasn't caught up with me yet, as I told you, I like the slow burn, so I'd rather suffer for a cactus than for an undated kidnapping. Kisses.

People just have different tastes. And some apparently didn't read the tags and missed the part where it says that it's a slow burn. Which is unfortunate since I've tried to tag it as clearly as possible just so that people who don't like slow burns won't accidentally stumble across the fic. Both for their sake and mine, since I figure that means fewer people will feel a need to leave comments telling me things are taking too long.

Because I do understand that tastes are different and the way I've chosen to write Who Holds the Devil is... well, it's not something everyone would want to read. I totally get that. But it's also clear that a lot of people do — like you. And I like writing it, since I have a fascination for characters and love to pick them apart and figure out how they work. Usually, I try to restrain myself a little since it can perhaps get a little too detailed sometimes, but I chose not to with Who Holds the Devil. Partly because I'm just so fond of the characters and want to explore them and their story in as much detail as possible. But also because it's just so much fun? And I don't see myself getting bored of it anytime soon.

Thank you so much for telling me that you like it 💜 I mean, I know deep down that the majority of you do (otherwise I wouldn't have so many readers xD ) but it's also far too easy to get lost in your own head sometimes. And Who Holds the Devil is, in all honesty, the kind of fic that's just... either it'll work out perfectly or just crash and burn because it stagnates and becomes boring. And the latter is a big fear of mine.

Because longer fics aren't necessarily better. I've read several that could have cut things down significantly and been better for it. Or stories that didn't seem to know when it was time to end it and drags on for ages for no reason. And I never want Who Holds the Devil to become one of those. But even if I have a clear goal and a plan for everything that happens (how very Yo Han of me), that demands a lot of trust from my readers, as I mentioned in another answer to an ask. You all have to trust that I know where I'm going and that I won't just allow Yo Han and Ga On to wallow and amble around indefinitely. Because you only have my word for it that I'll fix it in the end.

So thank you for the support and vote of confidence. It truly means a lot to me 💜 Especially considering how much time you all have invested in the fic at this point. Reading over 400k is no joke x'D

[c-u-c-koo-4-40k]

You know I might as well post this now...

Severe Miscalculation

Tw: misunderstanding (kinda), pretty intense descriptors of kissing and coupling. NSFW we having a literal roll in the hay!

Tag: @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @bleedingichorhearts @barn-anon @bispecsual @sleepyfan-blog @kit-williams

Based on the slight discourse about 40k space marines in fandom vs Canon and if they experience...the desire for physical intimacy. And what happens when you mistakenly think the Majority of space marines don't have any interest in the stuff.

Edit! I've decided to connect this story to this other drabble I did. So if you'd like more context to the overarching story, here's the prequel.

I know it looks like I'm linking to the same story but I promise it Is a different drabble.

It was evening but not dark yet, the combined boon of daylight savings and a fresh spring rain making things humid, but not unbearably hot.

You wandered your neighbor's property in the normal fashion. Normal in such that your neighbor was absent, on a trip to visit her mother in another state.

And had left you, with the task of appearing twice a day to check on things and complete the few simple chores she had lying around. For a fair compensation mind you.

The tasks weren't even that hard, but it was more work on your already tight and physically taxing schedule.

As much as you appreciated your neighbor, you couldn't deny you'd been feeling the burnout recently, and not just from the weather bandying cheerfully back and forth between drenching rains and muggy, sweaty heat.

Honestly you needed a reset. Something to just Erase all that stress you'd been feeling. But given how tight your schedule had to be to just make ends meet, you doubted you'd get the chance to say...seek out a partner to help with such things.

Perhaps you should've look into getting something more mechanical in nature to help you.

Maybe throw a wink at the next random Noise Marine you saw. Unbonded ones supposedly had a proclivity for the naughty side of things.

Which made them an odd exception as Space Marines as a whole were thought to not have much sex drive. Or even be sex repulsed.

No shame to them. You often bounced between moments of desiring absolute carnality and vulnerability, then a few days later feeling like being touched would make you break out in hives.

"The wonders of the human mind~" You sighed with mock humor. Oh well, once you were done here you could go shower, curl up in your bed and hope your currently thrumming sexual frustration could shut the fuck up for a bit.

You strode through the open barn door.

CRASH!

"The FUCK!?"

"The FUCk!? The FuCK!? tTthHeEee FfUuucK!?!? -K-k-k!?!?"

An electronic parody of your own shriek came back to you, as the large looming shape with dark blue armor nearly doubled over, clearly finding your terror hilarious.

"FUCKING Dammit Khopesh!"

"FfFuUcCkKINg Da-Da-Da-DamMit KOoOopeSHhhhhh."

Normally you tolerated your neighbor's Nightlord, even found his shenanigans funny on occasion.

After all rolling with the punches or ignoring him generally made him lose interest. But you were hot, sweaty, tired and Not in the way you desperately wanted to be right now.

Honestly, you'd had preferred if he'd left with your neighbor on her trip, but...apparently he wasn't...quite bonded to her?

It was an odd situation, with your neighbors treating him more like an adopted son. And he...seemed to appreciate them too. Like genuinely, maybe he had a partial bond with both? Meaning when your neighbor left he preferred to stay with her husband and home as it needed defending?

It was sweet, but your care of your neighbors creatures had come LONG Before he arrived. And you sometimes felt like he pushed your buttons as a show of his resentment at your longer status is your neighbor's lives.

And the fact they still payed You to do the chores over trusting him with them.

You could understand some pettiness taking seed from that.

Maybe You could be petty back...

It Was said that Astartes, and Nightlords especially, could become overwhelmed when humans approached them too eagerly.

Hmm...

You straightened your back, took a deep breath as the big blue bastard was still modulating your voice at you, and Clearly enjoying it too much.

"Khopesh~" You cooed, the change in your voice catching his attention.

You, sauntered up to the big fella, putting a sway in your hips and calling on your still present sexual frustration to aid you in making this convincing.

"You know...that voice trick of yours is pretty nifty..." You stated, now close enough to touch him.

While mostly inscrutable behind his helmet, you could tell his demeanor had changed. He was standing mostly straight, looking down at you as you came closer, nearly touching but not quite.

"I'll even admit, you got me good with that scare..." You admitted, opening your mouth Just enough so he could see your tongue run over your teeth. "But...If you Really wanted to hear me Scream~ We could explore...other ideas..."

You smoothly undid the top button on your shirt, to emphasize your point.

'Your move Nightlord.' You thought, smiling smugly with your hands on your hips.

Khopesh responded by Not moving an inch. In fact, dare you say you thought him...

'Dumbfounded,' Not entirely the idea you wanted, him flusteredly retreating would've been Peak comedy to you. But this was fun too.

"Ah well...you don't seem interested?" You shrugged, still proud of yourself for rebuffing his childish prank. "It IS a rather abrupt thing to ask for, I don't blame you for chickening out." You assured with a mock sympathy.

You turned on your heel. One benefit to wearing jeans year round (the leg protection trumping the overheating) was the definition they gave your legs and...your other assets.

And by the throne you were putting that enticing sway back in your hips as you made your exit. You couldn't resist throwing one more light jab. "But, if you're ever interested in making me scream for real, just gimme a call-Oof!"

Well that was a shock. Your sauntering exit was interrupted by an arm clad in ceremite. And the Nightlord it was attached to must have moved at ungodly speed in order to block your path.

Well this was unexpected. "Uhh...what."

You were cut off by Khopesh's lowered arm coming up to firmly (but surprisingly gently) grasp your chin. As his other hand raised to the underside of his helmet.

Click, hiss

With a quick motion he removed his headgear, and dropped it without ceremony. Another surprise the back of your mind cataloged while the forefront was taken up with watching the way his midnight dark hair fell around his gaunt but handsome face.

And those eyes, those Eyes. Like pools of ink, disturbing but alluring all at once.

You'd seen his face before, but up close like this you're reminded of when you'd let his features be used in your private fantasys.

Especially his hair, touching it, stroking it, tugging it, brushing and washing it with the soft kind of intimacy your heart craved.

"Hmmm..." Khopesh took a deep satisfying inhale, as he smiled that wicked sharp toothed grin that drove you crazy.

"I can smell your thoughts..."

What.

Well again you were thrown off because your very literal coded mind could not understand what he meant by-

"They smell...mouthwatering~" He growled, wrapping his free arm around your torso and lifting you so you were nestled up against him, and one of his armored legs brushed right against your core.

The shiver that ran through you at the contact was not missed by either of you.

Ooooh...

Oh shit.

"I accept, your offer human..." Khopesh chuckled. "Unless you wish to...chicken out? As you said."

Oh. Oh that bitch.

You know what! Screw it! You were an adult, you were clean, you were on birth control, and you'd been flustered and frustrated for Far Too Long.

And this interdimensional level Bastard thinks he's going to get the best of you?

Fuck that noise.

You squared your shoulders, rose up (as best you could), grabbed the sides of Khopesh's face and planted a kiss right on his scarred, sharp tooth mouth.

His slight confusion over your shift was quickly forgotten as the Nightlord let out an absolutely Sinful sound as he shifted his own hands to pull you closer.

Your initiative payed off as you ran your tongue over the contours of his fangs, then sucked his upper lip between your own teeth. Giving it a light nip, before soothing with your tongue, and another kiss.

Khopesh was surprised by your boldness, excited by it too! But he wouldn't be outdone!

He used his shear size to over power, so he could explore your mouth the same way. Pulling back only slightly so he could nibble and suck at your lips before diving back in.

You caved for air first, of course you did, the bastard had three lungs and you only had two.

You panted for breath as a very smug Khopesh smiled before trailing his kisses up to your earlobe, and again marking and sucking spots that made you feel weak.

You should still answer with words, you thought, one of the few thoughts that could make it through your aroused haze at the moment. "I hope, you're nh! You're satisfied! With my answer...ah!"

The Nightlord chuckled, before replying. "I understand you Perfectly, my sweet little lullaby..." He hummed, before returning to his task of marking up your neck.

"But I don't think I will be Satisfied, for a while yet..."

You swallowed your nerves...because hot damn you don't think you've wanted anything more in your life!

"Bring it!"

...

"K-khopesh!" You plead as the Nightlord ravaged you, as he had been for the past two hours.

In hindsight, losing to him in the kissing stamina was probably the first sign of things to come. But your dumb horny brain had gotten you into this, and now you were pinned here.

Literally and figuratively.

He cackled, holding you up as he drove himself deep inside your sopping walls again and again. "Oooh, but my sweet little lullaby! I thought you wanted me to 'Bring It' I'm only doing as! you! asked!"

"Mm! Ulp! S-shut up!" You groaned as every thrust rocked your whole body, and though you were sore already you were still desperate for more.

"Awww...and here I thought you Liked my voice. I could smell your arousal every time you heard me speak after all~" He cooed, not losing rhythm despite his focus on taunting you. He lowered his face to your ear. "And every time you saw my face~ Your blushing, the scent of your wetness, it drove me to near madness!"

Wait he'd wanted you that much?

Khopesh continued unimpeded. "Not being able to touch you! To ravish you! To claim you! I- Mmm!"

The warmth you felt knowing he desired you compelled you to pull him into another kiss, wrapping your hand around his head and caressing his hair.

It was still carnal, but more than that it was filled with a tender sweetness. One that seemed to sooth the Nightlord's frenzy for a moment.

His movements slowed, and eventually stopped.

"Khopesh," You cooed, continuing to kiss him between words, playing and stroking his hair gently. It was a bit wiry, your fantasy of treating him to a hair spa day coming to mind.

But that was for later. There was something else on your mind right now. "Turn me around," You requested softly. "I want to hold you."

This seemed to take the Nightlord by surprise, but he acquiesced. Lifting you easily, before a different idea came to mind.

"Actually, could you lay back, I want to try something."

He was clearly still confused, "Very well,"

But if he got another kiss like the one you just gave him he'd do just about anything.

As he settled his back on the straw floor of the hay stall, you in turn settled above his hips. He kept one hand on you as you did so, partially to help with balance, and partially as reassurance that he could snag you easily should you leave again.

But your focus was clearly completely on Him, and oh did that send a shiver of delight through him. Almost as pleasurable as when you took him in hand and aligned him properly once more.

The stretch, the warmth, the closeness and even the slight sting as your Nightlord and you were once again joined.

You trembled with your own delight as you slid inch by inch and felt the warmth burrow deeper into your soft wetness. And the comfort and Pride you swelled with upon meeting your hips with his own.

But onto the main event. You began rotating your hips, sliding back and forth, never allowing him to slip completely from you. And of course squeezing with your inner muscles in a rhythm with your movements.

Khopesh groaned as the pleasure of coupling returned. He'd been staving off his own end to pleasure you, but laid back like this, seeing you not just accept him but Eagerly take part in this act. He found himself growing close.

"Mm, hmm! I, quite enjoy, this...something." He struggled to find the words, and struggled as he wanted You to reach one more peak before he did.

You chuckled at that, a genuine thing that actually made Khopesh blush. "I'M! G-glad! I wouldn't m-mind doing this with you...again."

Again? A bit of Khopesh's wicked grin came back. He gripped to his lullaby's hips and began picking up that savage pace from before.

"K-khopesh! Ah!" You yelped feeling your next peak approaching fast as he hammered your throbbing core.

"I! Have No! INTENTION! Of letting you slip away! My sweet Lullaby~" He growled as he finally let his full desire reach its peak!

"You! Are! Mine!" He hissed bringing his arms around your form and pulling you into a nearly suffocating embrace as he felt the incredible buildup finally release.

"Khope-aAaaahhh-!" You trembled as that bursting firework of tension finally crescendo ed for you as well. Leaving you trembling and clenching as Khopesh let his milky warmth fill you.

"Mine!.. mine...mine...min..e," He panted, his pace slowly reducing as he rode out those Wonderful aftershocks inside you, letting you both share in the pleasure as it faded.

You remained like that for a bit. Sticky, hot, tired, sweaty, but Satisfied. Just bringing your breathing back to normal and feeling the burn in your muscles the arousal had kept at bay.

You glanced at the Nightlord, not nearly as winded as you, but he had worked up a sweat, and his beautiful dark hair was tangled with stray bits of hay.

It was a comedic sight.

Khopesh found himself stirred by another of your adorable giggles, though he was confused by its source.

His confused face just made him look Cuter. But you stifled your laughter so you could explain.

"You've ah...you've got some barn glitter up here." You reached up to his dark hair and gently removed some to show him.

Khopesh actually snorted and grumbled, pawing at the other pieces to remove them. Again you found yourself amused.

"Here, let me help you." You offered sweetly.

You used your smaller hands and delicate touch to remove what pieces you could, and as you did Khopesh stared at your cute face that was set in a positive, but focused expression.

Your seriousness at such a simple task was endearing.

He wanted to keep you So Badly.

"Done," You stated cheerfully. "Well as much as I can, I think your hair will need a wash to get the smallest stuff out." You recommended. "I'll probably need a wash myself."

You were probably correct, though part of him loathed the idea of letting you go.

"I guess...since we both need one...we could shower together at my place...you know, to save water?" You gave him a wink.

Now it was his turn for his more literal thoughts to misunderstand. Would showering together reduce the amount of water needed for them to wash that drastically-

"Op! Looks like I missed a bit of barn glitter."

"What? Where?"

"Mwah!" You kissed him on the very tip of his slightly crooked nose.

Oh

OOOOOOH!

Ooooh~

He smiled that wicked smile, and he saw your blush erupt once more as you realized he understood your intention.

He Loved your boldness.

He was Definitely keeping you.

Edit: Hey this has a sequel now! Found here!

[snapshotspeirs]

Writing this as I'm moving on to my next task of the day. I met Elliot today for the first time, and it was lovely!

He's a gig photographer, and it seems we started doing photography simultaneously but went down different paths. During the Covid lockdown, we both had the idea that we wanted to do more with photography, using cameras passed down to us from relatives. We then went in different directions with it. I went to study it, but Elliot immersed himself in the photography scene and started doing band work. I thought that was incredibly brave, as I don't think I'd have been able to jump right into the deep end like that myself, even though I went straight from nothing into an HNC class.

He's very humble when talking about his work. His photography gigs mostly cover the costs of doing them and his equipment, but that's about it. So, he also works a day job in a cafe. This suits him well him well uits him well because the two never interfere with each other, as the gig stuff is always in the evening, and the cafe isn't open that late.

I expressed my interest in doing band work because it seems like a great time, even though it's unlikely to make money. He was very knowledgeable about how to get in contact with these people and gave me websites to see what's coming up! I really appreciate how open he was about this.

We also talked about how the photography community in Glasgow, at least, is very supportive. However, he has found that some of the older generation of photographers he has met along the way have been quite gatekeepy and look down on photographers. With that in mind it's important to meet up with other photographers, like we have today, not only to combat that elitism but also because it's great to meet other photographers. You don't often get to collaborate and meet your peers on a one-to-one chat basis, especially compared to other creative arts.

We also talked about how he deals with burnout, thinking that if he's going from a day job straight to taking pictures, it must take a toll. But like Cameron, who I interviewed the other day, he doesn't seem to get burnout because it's something he enjoys deeply. At most, he feels like he can't be bothered sometimes after a long shift, but once he's there, he really enjoys himself and forgets how tired he was feeling. I related to this when I did my tattoo shoots, as it was some of the most enjoyment I've taken from a shoot.

We also just chatted about general life because I didn't want the conversation to feel too artificial. I wanted it to all come out naturally and pretty laid back.

One of the things I asked him about was his double exposure images because I was curious how much planning, if any, went into them or if they were just off the cuff. I asked this because one of his images that lives in my brain rent-free is this beautiful double exposure of a singer and a disco ball replacing their head.He told me that, honestly, not really. It's not an environment you can go into to shoot and plan shots because you don't really know what the artists are going to be doing or how the venue is going to be. The shot I was specifically referring to, however, he told me that for that image he was very restricted and could only be in one place when taking his pictures, so he thought outside the box a bit. Rather than all of his images looking the same since he didn't have too much control over the angles, to me I think this was a great idea. It's such a simple tool to have under your belt to make situations that you don't have much creative freedom in, to make those images stand out that bit more compared to the other photographers who also may be shooting at those events.

Eliot does also shoot digital, but not often. When I asked him about it, he told me that as much as he doesn't mind shooting digital, film feels much more intentional to him and that he puts more effort into the film shots compared to the digital ones. I agree with him on this wholeheartedly. He also carries around a little point-and-shoot camera that he uses just for personal fun, little images of friends and family, just for casual shooting. This is something I've been meaning to do for ages, as I think it's important to always have a camera on you, but I never do myself. Other than my phone, maybe a little point-and-shoot is the way to go!

[animeyanderetalker]

also one last thing: notes aren't necessarily important but it helps with keeping yourself motivated. many writers struggle with this and leave because of it and especially recently it's been getting worse, but like i said in a post i made before, writers shouldn't take their anger out on readers because it makes those who do interact and give feedback feel terrible, it pushes them to stop interacting. i feel as though like every media outlet fanfic has become all about popularity, it's even a competition. and with all the drama and 'big blog status' (i don't wanna give this attention but the amount of nonsensical drama that takes place is just so toxic and people and abuse their 'big blog status' to bully others, it's sick.) i feel like the community in 2018, 2019, 2020 vs now is so different. with that said have you ever struggled with lack of interaction? not getting feedback or knowing if your writting is good enough, not knowing whether or not readers are pleased? thoughts on this?

Interesting ask. I admit that there were times where I struggled with a lack of interaction, I think it started really when I surpassed 1,000 followers. A big number and back then I was dumb enough to believe that it would show in the notes on my posts. I'd say the average amount of notes on my posts since then has pretty much stayed the same and whilst some post get more notes than others, considering that I've gained even more followers since then nothing has really changed in the notes or interactions. Most notes are likes and silent reblogs and in some cases comments or reblogs with tags and not even those have to tell me that they liked my work and are just the tags I used to tag the post with. There were times in the past where I bothered myself with that to the point of a writer blockade and had to stop writing for two weeks. I stressed myself back then because I thought if I would answer the requests in my inbox faster, I'd get more motivating feedback. In the end all I got was a bad burnout and some frustration against my followers. I'm a person who keeps things to myself though and I knew from other big blogs that such shoutouts don't do much so I thought that it was pointless to even try.

I don't know when I stopped thinking like that but eventually I stopped giving a care about that which was mainly when I really realized that my love for writing surpasses that lack of motivation after a while. At that time I felt insecure so I started reading my own work to discover good points and that for some reason helped, especially since some of the stuff I write for is hard to find anywhere else. I've actually gotten to the point where I read my own stuff almost daily and whilst it might sound a bit narcisstic, I'm by now proud of the progress I made during my career so far. This is my blog and I am unwilling to give up just because people don't interact with my posts much for whatever reason, I'll quit when I simply lost my passion for writing for other reasons. I've grown immune to lack of interaction, I think most of the praise I get is when I open my requests and people tell me they love my work or chat randomly with me. I obviously appreciate that but I stopped driving myself up a wall whenever I get no interaction.

I think that's partially to blame for the mindset I have in general. I just sort of live with what I have and this is no different. There's nothing wrong with wanting more interaction, people in here spend hours of their life pouring their passion into writing so obviously just silent reads will get to them. I'm just tired of constantly switching back and forth between resenting others and, ultimately, myself for feeling like I expect too much and like my writing is maybe not good at all. I found a solution which I can live with and that's fine by me. No matter if the amount of followers and notes on my posts don't match at all.

Regarding your take on toxic behavior in the internet, that's honestly nothing new for me. I've seen people venting about stupid things for years on the internet and acting like they lost their last few braincells. I personally don't interact much with such people since I don't want to be infected with whatever stupidity they have. I mean, you don't know what the anon might go through, in some cases such people actually have their own issues and take it out on others, that doesn't really make them less a coward though and doesn't make their actions right either. I immediately block such people if I come across them. I do think that online communities have become worse in the past few years since social media has become such a big thing and young people have access to such platforms as well. I didn't have a phone until I was 11 but today I sometimes see 7-year old kids walking around and scrolling on their phones which is sort of sad to see.

I've actually never seen someone abusing their big blog status in a way it was unjustified, though that might only be my opinion.

[theseustestified]

Yooooo I'm writing some solid stuff for you, so I want you to write some Solid stuff for me ;) maybe something fun with him and either Dion or Langris?

spinda i am literally so touched that u requested smth with dion so here (hands you this like it’s a very tiny baby puppy)

relationship: solid silva x langris vaude x my oc dion

genre and warnings: it’s mostly fluff but solid is a bit upset and tired at the beginning but his mood gets better quickly i promise <3, mentions of burnout and overworking

langris’ french: mon chéri means basically “darling” or “dear”, and ma choupette means “cabbage”. yes french ppl call their lovers cabbage. since dion has green hair, it’s hilariously fitting.

~~~

“Solid!” Dion called. “Come here~!”

Solid picked his head up off the paperwork he had been attempting to do for the past half hour. “I can’t, love, I have work to do.”

Langris scoffed. “Work, my ass. Take a break for now. Maybe you’ll be able to do it afterwards. If not, we can always help you.”

Solid desperately wanted to throw his desk across the room. He resisted the urge and stayed seated. “If I can just get this done really quickly…”

“Bullshit!” Langris cried. “Nils went on the same exact mission. Didn’t he already write his report? There’s no point in having multiple reports of the same mission.”

Solid winced. “But… Nozel said he would promote me to vice-captain alongside Nebra, but only if I show I can handle it, and I think writing a little report counts as being able to hand—”

“Look, Solid,” Dion cut in. They tucked their long green hair behind their ear. “We understand that Nozel wants this in tonight, and we understand that you want to get it done as soon as possible, but you’re just spinning your gears for no reason at this point. Either let Langris and I help you, or come take a break and reset your brain.” They sat up on the couch, peeling themself away from Langris.

Solid wracked his brain for solutions. “I, um. I—just let me think, for a minute?”

Langris got up and put his hand on Solid’s shoulder. “If you don’t decide to either let us help or come take a break within thirty seconds, I will forcibly remove you from this desk. Do not doubt me.”

Dion wheezed heartily and cheered Langris on. “Manlet boyfriend to the rescue!”

Solid blanched. “No, please don’t! Just… just help me, I suppose.”

Langris huffed. “That was not the right answer, but it’s a good one, I suppose. Well, Dion, come here.”

“Alright! Solid protection squad, to war!” Dion got up, scrambling to the desk. “We’ve got this, Solid. You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about anything.”

Report writing commenced, and the paper was fully filled out within 15 minutes. Dion ushered Solid to Nozel’s office, shoved Solid into the room, and then eavesdropped on the brothers. Nozel was impressed with Solid from the sound of it. Solid had even done a little dance after he pulled Nozel’s door closed.

“He said it wasn’t bad!” Solid whispered. “I’ve got a real shot, Dion!”

“I heard! I’m so proud of you, babe!” Dion took his hand, pulling him down the hall. “Come, you’ve got to tell Langris now!”

Dion rushed back into the room, Solid in tow. “Tell him, Solid!”

Langris snapped to attention, getting up from the couch. He smiled, big and happy. He even readied himself for a hug. “Good news?”

Solid ran into Langris’ arms. “Nozel liked it!” The Silva sighed and hooked his chin over Langris’ shoulder. “I’m… going to be a vice captain!”

“That’s great, mon chéri!” Langris cradled the back of Solid’s head. “Dion, you must come hug him too!”

Dion was shocked, eyebrows hiking up their forehead, but the awe couldn’t erase their smile. Wordlessly, they stepped up behind Solid and wrapped their arms around his tummy. They rested their forehead on his shoulder blade, bending over a bit.

“I’m just—I really am so happy right now, you two,” Solid laughed. “Thank you both, thank you so much.”

“Look, ma choupette, we were of help,” Langris whispered, still smiling. “Good job, to all of us, honestly,” he bragged. “Solid is going to get promoted, and Dion and I helped him. I think this is a power trouple moment. If we don’t go down in history as the best polycule, I’m going to get a bat and take out someone’s knees.”

Solid giggled, a shaking wracking his entire body. “You are ridiculous,” he blubbered, sounding close to tears. “God, I’m so happy with you both.”

[kingsuckjin]

Hey moon, i just read your post on how fanfic writing can be such a pressure. You know you're one of the first writers i read fanfics of and decided to open a tumblr account. Your writing is so good moon. I hope you know it. And i actually understand where you are coming from. Maybe not with writing but with other stuff that i love to do. I think it's only human nature that we feel like doing better that we did before. Fear of failure, rejection it gets everyone i believe. So i think it's okay that u feel like that? Like okay in the sense that i happens cause we're all humans and it's part of the struggle. Pretty shitty but that's just how it is. When i get overwhelmed i usually take some time off of everything and everyone. Like get in solitude type until i feel like i fixed myself enough to face the world again. Whatever it is that's making you feel so tired or guilty (which it shouldn't be) i hope you let yourself heal from it. Life is changing all the time, so even though if you feel like you can't do this anymore right now. Sometimes later you might get the enthusiasm back to do it again. And then it wouldn't matter if anyone is liking it or following it much or not. It'll be only about your happiness. I hope you find that soon moon. But attaining you inner peace is the first thing here.

Idk if what i'm trying to say made much sense. You don't have to reply. I just wanted you to know this. I hope you feel better soon. Sending positive vibes and good wishes. Take a virtual hug and stay blessed sweetheart. Love you tons ❤💜❤💜❤💜❤

Hey there love🖤 it made perfect sense. This is going to be a long one and I'm gonna put warnings Tw: sexual harassment, bad friends, mental health, name calling, bullying and just a lot of terrible things I've been through and me explaining why I just can't be here on this blog. I know I've said dome of it before but I'm telling you, you all really have no idea.

I don't know if it's as much burnout or guilt as this blog is becoming overwhelming and I'm not sure how to maintain it. Before I started writing is casually comment on fics and leave reviews and compliments, and sometimes writers wouldn't answer them and I felt like it was something I did or said or they just didn't care, I was a whole idiot then. Even when I started writing and began to kind of gain a following I said to myself “this is easy to reply to comments and messages and requests, I don't have to accidentally hurt anyone by not replying” and then I just kept growing and learned how dumb I was. I love the interaction, and I read it all, every comment, every ask, every message and I'm unbelievably grateful for it and I'm fully aware other writers lack it and need it (and to even say all of this makes me feel terrible, I also deal with the feeling that I don't deserve all the kindness and comments) like, other writers get little to no interaction but sometimes when you aren't at your best mentally it's hard to keep up with even the slightest amount of interaction with people and often times id take a break after putting out something that did well because it was a little overwhelming and I also didn't feel like I deserved it (good old imposter syndrome). I have so many friends I've made on here that don't do as well as I do but in my opinion are MUCH better writers. On the opposite end, I've also had “friends” on here that would talk to me only to ask me to reblog their fics. Idk that's the other end of it, you just don't know who to trust on here and who actually cares and wants to really be friends. Since I've announced that I'm leaving this blog it's really shown me who actually cares about me as a person and not only whatever little measly about of influence I can give and bring to others. So I just want away from it all.

My actual plan is to shut it down here on kingsuckjin and keep writing on my other blog where I have set up boundaries for limited personal interactions. I don't care about the likes or reblogs, I just don't want the tangled web of this blog anymore. This is a hobby and it should never be this deep, but I know it was my fault for making it this deep so now I'm just going to start again and just keep it as a hobby and not let it take over so much of my time. It's not that I don't have the willpower to write, I'll always write, it's what I love, I just don't have the willpower to deal with some of the toxic stuff and people that come along with it all when you're in too deep here.

It's all just draining, and that's not even counting the terrible and scarring asks I get telling me bad things that someone is going to do to you all and myself, you wouldn't believe the stuff I've gotten and that I know others close to me have gotten in their ask boxes. Some people say they don't get anon hate and it makes me so happy to hear them say that, I long for that, I know a lot of us do. But leaving this blog is like leaving a bad relationship. I see my peers get a wave of anon hate and I say “fuck, not this again, that makes me feel so bad”, I see a wave of fics being stolen and say the same thing, I see other writers bullying smaller ones and say the same thing, I see racist people, gatekeepers, people hating on olderpeople here, people scrutinizing others hard work, people hating on genders and sexualities. You know what one of my first asks was when I started? “You need to be using more commas, it's hard to read your fics and you look illiterate” and English isn't even my first language, it's not the language first learned, I didn't learn it until I started school. I'm not a professional writer I've had never claimed to be a good writer, I didn't ask for any “constructive criticism” or anyone's two cents and honestly some people just need to keep stuff to themselves.

I've seen too much shit and while I spent a lot of time fighting all sorts of shit on here because it feels right, but it gets me nowhere and nothing but being labeled as some sort of a problematic blog and I’ve been told by other writers “yeah, I blocked you because I don't want to see that problematic shit on my dash” after I was fucking bullied along with countless others by one group of people. You can imagine after taking all of this, everything I've mentioned so far, how someone could feel too drained and scared to interact with people on here.

I know blogs that don't get into stuff or talk about things like that and I'm definitely not saying they're wrong because I now have a blog that I do that on too. Tbh, sadly, I think that's where a chunk of my followers came from, not my fics but me saying something isn't right and it feels in a way that I've gained followers off of “drama” and that makes me a little sick. While not saying anything and ignoring problems on here might not be great and also ignoring it won't make it go away, neither will me getting all fighty and upset over it, that just hurts me. I just want things to be more shallow, I just want this to be just a hobby again.

Anyway, the point I suppose is that I just need to shut the hell up and keep this place as it's needed to be for me, a place for me to share my writing and that's all because it's what best for me mentally. While interaction and stuff is great and myself and other writers do love it, there can be a darker shadow that comes with it like asks that state gross shit in detail that they would do to me or all the hateful the comments on fics id have to delete. I've been stalked, sexually harassed, plain old harassed, bullied, manipulated, made fun of, blackmailed, backstabbed, lied about, exposed, yelled at, and called horrible names more than I've ever publically and openly ever shared with any of you on this blog and more times than I can count on two hands or even four. Some people are fuckin just... well, they're not good, and it's made me just a little bit bonkers as well. it could be manageable, any one or two or even three of these things I've listed could be manageable and enough to carry on, but it's been a lot to keep carrying with all of this built up over the past few years. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place and how it brings people together and helps make changes and do so much good, but at the same time FUCK this place and I say that from the bottom of my soul. It's time for me to stand back away from it all and start again where I limit everything. I just wanna chill and write somewhere fresh and that's what I've been doing and I love it so much and I don't think if trade any about of followers, notes, popularity, or whatever else for it, that's not what it's about for me and if it is for someone else then that's okay, that's fine, as long as they're not hurting others to get it. I'm just saying I'm having a hard time engaging normally on here with everything else that's happening and has happened, it's just a me thing and I speak for no one else and it's nothing at all that all of my kind, supportive, loving, and talkative followers and moots have done.