#I heard that piano start and realized what it was and just started bawling

[theresalwaysfanfiction]

Ok so was anyone hearing Dean’s Theme in the scenes when John opens up to Mary about Henry and the scenes with Henry?

Like nobody is talking about that.

Maybe it’s been in other episodes so nbd? And I somehow just missed it?

[peachbear88]

So This is Love (Pt 5)

Inspiration: Only Us - Dear Evan Hansen

Throughout the next few months, you. notice a change in Wanda. She trusts you more, trusts everyone more, even if it was only a little change. You're delighted to discover that she's making an effort to bring the walls down and let people in, slowly but surely. Of course she still has boundaries but a lot less now, especially when it comes to you. The two of you became inseparable, wherever she went, you were by her side. When she couldn't sleep, you were there, comforting her. During missions, you were there, protecting her (it was more like her protecting you). Whatever the case, you were there to assist her. However, this all changed on one fateful night.

"Alright, what do you want to watch?" You ask as you pull the blanket down, engulfing the both of you in a fluffy mess. "Have you ever seen 'Dear Evan Hansen'"? She looks up at you with those huge puppy eyes, making your heart melt just a little. "Can't say I have. What's it about?" She lets out a squeal of excitement before snatching the remote control from your hand. "You'll have to wait and see." She grins before settling back down into the couch, unaware of the stupid grin on your face as you watch her bounce up and down with the energy of a thousand suns. "Alright squirt, you better hope for your sake that I like it." You tease, slinging your arm around her and you take note on how she flinches a little but leans into you. The musical sends her through a whirlwind of emotions and you can't deny, you did tear up once in a few minutes.

"The ending is so sad!" Wanda bawls as you pat her reassuringly on the shoulder, passing her a tissue with your other hand which she gratefully accepts, blowing her nose violently. "There there." You coo, checking the time only to realize that it's 2:00 in the morning. "I don't see why you like that musical so much." You get a warning glare to which you raise your hands in surrender. "Alright I better get you to bed before Steve murders me for being such a bad influence." She squints at you, her nose wrinkling which makes your heart flutter. You stand up, offering her a hand. She grabs your hand, pulling herself up, only to falter in her step, falling on top of you. "Ooh..." You groan, the air knocked out from your body. You open your eyes to find Wanda's face only inches from yours. Your brain kicks into high gear at her sudden closeness. You notice the little flecks of blue in her bright green eyes, the way her cheeks are flushed, the light freckles on her face. You're frozen, staring right into her eyes until you chance a look at her soft, pink lips. She notices the shift in your eyes and instantly rolls off of you, jumping to her feet. "I... uh- I'm going to go to bed. See you later." She mutters, a frown pasted on her face. You pull yourself into a seating position, grumbling to yourself. "I didn't even do anything."

Wanda spends the next few days avoiding you at all costs. Of course the team notices. I mean, how can they not notice that the duo were no longer conjoined at the hip but standing at the furthest ends of the room, making it their mission to be as far apart as possible. Nobody bothers you besides the occasional sympathetic glance. Your habits change from laughing and joking with Wanda and the group to opting to sit out on missions and team activities, and stay in your room.

Finally, Nat (being the badass she is) has enough of your mopey, lovesick behavior. You're sitting on your bed, reading a book peacefully when Nat storms into your room, slamming the door with a harsh BANG. It no doubt attracts a lot of attention but Nat couldn't care less right now. "Alright, you're going to tell me why you and your best bud over there are trying to keep 15 miles between the two of you and why you're dragging yourself around like some lovesick puppy that's missing a leg. You gape at her. "Uh, you ever heard of something called privacy?" You exclaim, shutting your book. She glares at you, unamused. "Answer the question Y/N." You sigh, placing your book back on the nightstand. "I don't even know what I did. I gave her a hand up, she tripped and fell, she crushed me, I looked at her lips and-," Nat interrupts, her eyes gleaming. "You kissed?" You wrinkle your nose in disgust, chuckling. "No you weirdo. She just rolled off me and left. And here we are, with her avoiding me like I've got the plague." She flashes you a sympathetic look. "Want me to talk to her?" You look up, giving her a small but grateful smile. "That would be really great." She gives you a gentle pat on the back before swiftly exiting, giving you one last fleeting glance.

Non-Reader POV

Wanda looks up to hear a gentle knock on her door. "Come in." She whispers. The door swings open to reveal Natasha. Wanda's heart falls a little as she hoped it would be you knocking on her door. Nat makes her way over to Wanda's bed, sitting down beside her. The two sit in a comfortable silence before Nat breaks it. "So... You want to tell me why you're avoiding Y/N?" She takes a shaky breath before answering. "Because of this feeling. It's not normal. It's exciting but terrifying at the same time. I guess you could call it love." Wanda appears to be on the verge of tears. Nat schooches closer to her, wrapping a firm arm around the younger girl's shoulders. "She's a good person, I know but I can't help but fear that one day, she'll be gone and I'll be thrown back into the hurricane of regret and remorse." She sobs, burying her head in Nat's shoulder. Nat doesn't reply, choosing to just hold her closer, occasionally muttering words of comfort. Unbeknownst to both of the women, you've been right outside the room, listening to Wanda, your heart cracking with every word that slips from her mouth.

"Nat, I really don't want to go outside." Wanda complains, as Nat hauls ass to drag Wanda to the balcony of the Avengers Compound. "Come on, I swear it'll be worth it." Nat groans, dragging a skeptical Wanda with her. Nat shoves open the balcony door and Wanda steps outside. "Wow..." She breathes, taking in the gentle fairy lights strung around the edge of the balcony, the thin plaid blanket covering the cold concrete floor and you, standing behind a portable piano.

Reader POV

"Thanks Nat." You wave at the ex-assassin, giving her a friendly smile. She winks at the both of you, stifling a laugh when she takes in Wanda's frantic expression. "Nat. Don't. Leave. Me. Here." Wanda whispers through gritted teeth. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Have fun you two!" She smiles before locking the two of you out on the balcony. "Traitor." Wanda sighs, eliciting a giggle from you. She looks over at you and reluctantly sits down on the blanket. "So what's up?" You decide to go straight to the point. "I heard your conversation with Nat the other day." You mumble as you fiddle with the piano. Her eyes widen, a mortified expression plastered on her face. "I uh... I wasn't really sure what to say so... I decided to do this instead." You continue , taking a deep breath and before she can interrupt, you let your hands flow, playing a smooth string of chords.

"I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you."

"I don't need you to search for the proof that I should."

"You don't have to convince me."

"You don't have to scared you're not enough."

"'Cause what we've got going is good."

"I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken."

"I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget."

"Clear the slate and start over."

"Try to quiet the noises in your head."

"We can't compete with all that."

"So what if it's us, what if it's us, and only us.

"And what came before won't count anymore, or matter."

"Can we try that?"

"What if it's you, and what if it's me, and what if that's all that we need it to be?"

"And the rest of the world falls away."

"What do you say?"

You stop singing, your throat parched, your eyes watering slightly but all that matters is the chestnut-haired, green eyed girl in front of you. By the looks of it, she's as moved by the song as you are. She stands up, lip trembling before throwing her arms around you in a bone-crushing hug. "Ribs." You squeak, and she laughs through her tears, giving you one last squeeze before releasing you. "You remembered the musical. You said it was boring!" She sniffs. You stare at her adoringly, wiping the tears from her eyes. "So what do you say?" You grin at her cheekily but she beats you to it, leaning in and kissing you. Your eyes widen before you relax, leaning into the kiss, your hands on her waist, hers resting on your shoulders.

Little do you know that Steve and Nat have been watching your little performance and needless to say, it left Steve in tears and Nat with a soaking wet shirt as Steve sobbed into her chest. "They're both growing up s-so fast..." He hiccuped before sobbing uncontrollably again. "There there." Nat sighed, patting him halfheartedly on the back. "They'll be fine." She smiles watching the two of you pull away and watch the stars with the occasional adoring look at each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 5! Wow! Damn I'm writing too fast for my own good. I just wanted to know, would you guys like for me to make a sequel series to this series or just write the rest of the story all in this one series? Because I got ANGST and DRAMA planned my dudes. Let me know!

Taglist: @username23345

[nerdy-emo-royal-dad]

I dare you to write sad logan crying into stuffed animal but then stuffed animal hugs back and then he realizes it's either roman or remus-

HEY FOLKS! So yeah that took forever and I have four more prompts. Anon, I do apologize greatly for how long this took. Going to school in your country’s top university apparently means no time for anything else eyyy (I’m dying someone punch college in the face for me). Anyway aaaa I hope you still enjoy it even if took so long. Love y’all!

Feelings of the Mind, Thoughts of the Heart

Warning/s: None but feel free to inform me of you see one

Word Count: 1679 words

Pairing/s: Platonic/Romantic Logince (Logan x Roman) (totes up to you)

~~~

Logan would rather fade than admit that he was this close to breaking. 

He didn’t mean the kind that made his face heat up or his nostrils flare while his taut knuckles shook at his side and his teeth clashed with each other. Though he might have just preferred that. Unfortunately when Logan said “breaking,” he meant it in a way that left an uncomfortable mini-hurricane wreaking havoc within his ribcage while he tried his hardest to contain it inside. 

Logan’s entire frame shook from the effort it took to maintain his composure in front of his fellow sides; not that they were paying attention in the first place, anyway. He didn’t really quite understand why he was having such a reaction right now when this blatant disregard for him, this… this ignorance was something he encountered every single day.

And so he left.

He was willing to bet that no one even noticed him sinking out. If they did, They probably would have just chalked it off to his reputation for having such a short fuse. He could barely make out the room around him as he blindly made his way towards the bed; the tears welling up in his eyes doing nothing to help his vision. He never remembered the bed being that far from his door before, nor his floor being carpeted and soft enough that it silenced his footsteps, but that was the least of his concerns.

If he could scold himself, he would. He felt pathetic and weak and emotional and disgusting as he closed his eyes and released the contents of his tear ducts the second he came into contact with the unrealistic softness of the bed. Eyes still wrenched shut, Logan leaned forward, desperate to find any form of solace or comfort; or at the very least anything he could use to muffle his cries. He felt very much like the polar opposite of logic as his damp forehead finally came into contact with an unidentifiable something, his glasses pushing uncomfortably against the frame of his eyes and the bridge of his nose. 

His vision stayed dark as he forced himself to take any semblance of logic he could. He clasped a hand over his mouth as he buried his face into the smooth, fragrant fabric of this… pillow? Curtain? Blanket? Sheet? Stuffed toy? He wasn’t exactly certain. All that mattered was that he was Logan. Logical, calculated, reserved, put-together, proper, objective Logan; and crying was not something the embodiment of logic should be doing. So he stayed there doing his best to muffle his cries, never daring to open his eyes. He hiccupped, gasped, and heaved in the lowest volume he could. He fisted his hands on the sheets below him and held his mouth as tight as he could. 

Logan tried remembering methods of calming an individual down. They could point out all his errors, but he would never allow them to take his identity from him. He scoured the filing cabinets of his mind ‘till he found a suitable suggestion. Focus. He needed to focus. Logan zeroed in on the feeling of the cloth in his hand. He let it slide through his fingers as he crumpled it, allowing his fingertips to recognize the material -- satin. Wait… satin? His sheets weren’t satin. His sheets were cotton. The thin kind of cotton that felt cool against his skin, comfortable and not all at once. 

He internally winced as a particularly loud sob pushed past his lips, and so he put his focus back on the softness he was leaning on. It simultaneously felt all too cold but oh, so warm. It smelled of flowers; of chrysanthemums and daffodils swaying along a gentle breeze. He took the hand on his mouth away and placed it on the material in front of him. He rubbed the cloth on his fingertips and identified it as...silk. But that… didn’t make sense. Not at all. As he brought up hypotheses in his head and sifted through possibilities, he felt a little pinprick of dread. He looked back on all the little pieces. The carpeted floor, the distance of the bed, the satin sheets and the silky material of--

All the thoughts died down like a flat-lining cardiogram when he felt a tentative hand rub against his back.

Logan dared to lift his forehead off the comfortable something to open his eyes, breath hitching in the process, and all he saw was red. There were many, many shades of red. There was maroon, rose, cherry, garnet, scarlet, currant, and a whole variety more that probably didn’t even have proper names. But Logan recognized the rich crimson of this red all too well; knew how the familiar color matched perfectly with the smoothness of the silk. He’d be an imbecile if he didn’t recognize Roman’s sash by now.

And maybe he already was, considering he made it this far without realizing he sank down into the wrong room. And maybe he was more than just an imbecile for forgetting that Roman had not been summoned for this session, and that’s why he wasn’t up there with the others at the moment. Maybe he was positively beyond an imbecile if he’d been cryi-- trying to stop himself from crying against Roman that entire time.

Logan shot up, consequentially bumping Roman’s hand away, his probably red eyes lookin at the prince’s own wide irises, creased forehead, and damp sash through fogged up spectacles.

“Roman! I-- I deeply apologize. I had not realized-- I should’ve checked first-- It was faulty of me to sink down into the wrong room I apologize greatly, I--”

His stream of words and possibly his airflow were cut off by the same hand coming to rest on Logan’s shoulder and Roman’s eyes looking back at him with such an indistinguishable amount of emotion locked up inside the hues of his iris.

“Logan, it’s okay. I don’t mind. Really.”

He… what? He didn’t mind what?

“I-- I don’t understand--”

Roman’s brows only furrowed further and the hand squeezed his shoulder just the slightest bit harder. “Logan. Let go.”

For a long stretch of time they simply sat facing each other, one cross-legged on the bed and the other with his knees folded in; waiting for… anything to happen. But nothing needed to happen because the sheer weight of Roman’s words digging into Logan’s chest and the warmth of his hand seeping through his black polo was enough to break cracks into the meticulously put up walls around his heart.

It started with a singular sob and a hand unconsciously flying to his mouth. When Roman gently took that hand off Logan’s lips and held it within his own, the walls crumbled down.

This cry was far from the soft, held-back sobs from minutes ago. This one was loud, messy, hoarse, pitiful, and ugly. Before he knew it, his eyes were back closed as he shuddered and snivelled before the fanciful side who was more than willing to take the logical side in his arms. 

Roman scooted closer to Logan, allowing him to melt and break within the embrace, both uncaring for the mess it’ll leave on the prince’s clothes. He continued to run his hands in circles on Logan’s back, making every hicc and whimper heard. It terrified Logan, honestly; opening up to someone like this, making every vulnerability known and presenting his lowest points for all the world, or Roman in this case, to see. The terror was suffocating, the shame was unbearable, and the regret was overwhelming, but Logan couldn’t stop the tears even if he tried.

A long, soft, gentle shush came from Roman as one of his hands lightly set on the back of Logan’s head; his fingers absentmindedly playing with the strands. The shush soon turned into a low hum, and Logan found himself drowning in the waves of Roman’s voice. He recognized the tune, even as he bawled the eyes out of his muddy brain.  It was a piece by Chopin-- Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2. The dynamics and the anatomy of the piece often took Logan’s breath away as it did, but something about the fact that it was Roman, Roman who always seemed to strike every chord and make anything sound infinitely more pleasing made the composition sound like an entirely different thing. It wasn’t perfect, no; as the human voice can never truly replicate the delicate sounds of the piano. But the lullaby-esque hum still resonated just as sweetly in Logan’s mind and sent ripples of comfort in his chest that spread to the rest of him. 

And when the last sigh finally left Logan’s lungs, and he finally had the energy to lift his head back up to meet the prince’s eyes once more, he found he felt lighter than he ever did before. He thought maybe that’s what releasing approximately months or years worth of locked up sentiments within an hour did to an individual. Perhaps that hypothesis could be put on hold ‘till another opportunity.

Later that day they’d talk about that. They’d discuss the sheer ridiculousness of Logan stumbling into the wrong room, Logan mistaking Roman for a stuffed toy, and Roman letting all of it happen without complaint. They’d talk, share, and open up about insecurities, sensitivities, exhaustion, and frustration. They’d exchange “thank you’s,” “sorry’s,” but also laughter and banter. Later in the day they’d take a long, much-needed walk in the imagination while they poked fun at the other sides and named every creature they encountered and every flower they walked past by.

But for now they were here, in Roman’s room, with a tissue box being handed over by a Roman who had a hint of a genuine smile grazing his lips to a swollen-eyed Logan whose face was caked with dry tears.

For now, Logan was glad he stumbled into the wrong room. For now, Logan allowed himself to be a little less than who he was.

For now, Logan allowed himself not to think, but to feel.

~~~

Don’t forget to hit reblog!! HMU if ya wanna be added/removed from the tag list. Stay safe and hydrated folks!! Love y’all!! <3

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[gypsydanger01]

THE STORM - Part twenty-five

Fandom: The Boys (Amazon prime tv series)

Pairing: Black Noir x OC

A/N: So sorry for the wait!!!! I'm back and ready to write! Here's part twenty-five, hope you enjoy✨ it's a bit of a fluffy/filler chap but it leads into the rest ;)

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Boys, only my OC characters and certain pieces of au plot. I don’t own “Thinkin bout you” by Frank Ocean.

Comments, reviews, constructive criticism, and other requests are always more than welcome!

I have your back

[Next morning]

Luckily, the next day was Saturday and Sarah rolled over in bed with a content sigh. Lengthening her arms out to her sides, she patted the bedding beneath her: she had fallen asleep on top of the comforter. Suddenly, the evening before came rushing back and she stilled, a barely contained smile stamped on her face.

He must’ve carried her to bed, she realized as she stood and stepped out into the hall.

She padded into the living room where she found Noir scrolling through her mp3 player.

He didn’t need much sleep to function and had soon grown restless. First, he’d skimmed through the books she’d salvaged from her bookcase; two were charred beyond recognition but he appreciated the rest of the book collection. Then, he’d made his way back to the stack of picture frames she had piled in a corner. There was the picture of her in Tokyo, which he marveled at tracing the lines of her face; a few other pictures displayed rolling landscapes and he wondered if she’d taken them herself; another picture of a desolated beach sat at the bottom.

Finally, he’d fixated on her mp3 player.

He knew of her fondness for music and quickly scanned her playlists: a mix of rap, 90s rnb, and alternative rock were oddly bunched together.

Noir slipped her earbuds in, settled back onto the couch and let Dr. Dre, Ludacris, and Frank Ocean keep him company in the early morning hours.

Time passed, and soon he heard Sarah moving in her room. He waited for her to come around the couch, gazing at her as she went. She smiled, seeing that he hadn’t slipped his mask or gloves back on.

She enjoyed seeing his expressions, the emotions that seemed to flash in his eyes. It was like being granted a glimpse into another dimension, a version of Noir no one else was privy to. It felt intimate, like another line of communication they shared.

Sarah was surprised to see him holding her mp3 and she leaned in, checking the screen. Noir inhaled her scent and tensed at her close proximity.

“Hey, Kendrick,” she approved, “that’s a good one, it always lifts my spirits, y’know.”

He looked at the screen, printing the title, Alright, into his memory.

To his surprise, she plopped down next to him, pulling her legs up to the side and leaning into his side. He tentatively reached behind her, gathering her closer. Sarah grabbed one of the earbuds dangling from the device and slipped it into her ear. Gently, she took the mp3 from his hands and flipped through her playlists. Finally, she settled on one song.

A tornado flew around my room before you came

Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn't rain in

Southern California, much like Arizona

My eyes don't shed tears, but, boy, they bawl

 She leaned into his side and let the mp3 fall back into his lap.

“One of my favorites,” she murmured, and he could avert the sleepiness in her voice. “Do you listen to music,” she asked.

He signed. A little.

Sarah glanced around for the notebook but assumed it had stayed in the kitchen. Too comfortable to go fetch it, she went with the alternative.

“Ok, I’ll go through some genres and you stop me when I hit the ones you like.”

With her close proximity, looking up at him through heavy eyelashes, he thought he’d do anything she asked. He knew he should feel concerned at the amount of trust he’d placed in her, the strong hold over him he’d allowed her to develop. But he’d chosen, and he felt liberated.

She was still waiting for an answer, and he simply pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Sarah settled her head back on his shoulder, “Hmm…,” she mused, “Let’s see, rap and rnb.”

He pinched his fingers close together. A little.

She continued, “How about pop,” small pause but no response, “Rock music? Punk?”

The woman sped through a few more choices, ranging from trap all the way to gospel. Finally, she ran out of options and paused, thinking of other music genres she hadn’t thought of. However, she was pulled from her train of thoughts as he brought one hand forward, his fingers dancing close to his knee.

She quickly caught on, “You play the piano?”

He squeezed her slightly against him, and she took it as confirmation.

“So, you listen to classical music, I assume.”

Noir nodded. It had always soothed him to play the piano. It was comforting to excel at something so delicate and precise, when those same fingers could destroy anything they touched. It reminded him of the control he was taught to maintain ever since he could walk.

Sarah covered his hand with her own, her warm skin tone touching his.

I'm lyin' down thinkin' 'bout you (Ooh, no, no, no)

I've been thinkin' 'bout you (You know, know, know)

I've been thinkin' 'bout you

Do you think about me still?

Do ya, do ya?

 Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead)

'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (Ooh, ooh)

 “I’ve always loved music,” Sarah began, and Noir immediately focused on her voice. “It’s what I need in every situation. Sometimes it makes me feel strong, invulnerable…” she trailed off before clearing her throat. “Other times, I’m just detached from everything and I need it to remind me I feel, and I’m human.”

Noir brought his other hand over hers, trapping it between his.

In the early morning, cream colored light filtered through the curtains and lazily traced their features on the large couch. After being up for three days, Noir was starting to feel the pull of sleep. And with her softly leaning into him, the mp3 playing soft music between them, he felt at peace. Utterly detached from the world outside.

He gently moved her so he could rise from his seat, passing his ear bud back to her. Sarah’s eyes widened and she stayed silent waiting for his next move. He’d spent the night and she knew he probably needed to head back to the Tower. Still, she felt an odd tug in her chest, like a string tightening around her. She settled down on the couch, stretching her legs out. Propped up on one elbow, she pressed back into the soft material.

She was surprised, however, when he began to dismantle his suit. She looked away flustered when she caught a peak of his toned stomach. Finally, lifting her gaze from the carpet, she found him stripping the last part of his chest armor, revealing a grey shirt underneath. He set the armor and weapons on a chair in the corner and returned, the top half of his armor gone.

Sarah stayed quiet, watching him as he laid back on the couch, facing her. He finally looked at her and wondered how it was possible to find such comfort in another person. She smiled and let him slip an arm under her head, the other one tracing lines down her sweater-clad arm. They were so close, she thought he could read her mind.

With the soft, hazy morning light filtering through the window behind him, the man appeared angelic.

She whispered, “I’m going to make you a playlist,” she promised, slipping his earbud back in place. Noir felt a shiver down his spine at her touch and reveled in the feeling. “And one day, I’d like to hear you play the piano.”

He nodded and his fingers began to dance against her arm, as if he were playing right then and there. She smiled again and snuggled against him with a deep sigh. In the enclosed space between the couch’s backrest and Noir’s body, she felt warm and safe.

And at that moment, he too felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep in the morning light.

 [A few hours later]

A few hours later, they finally woke up. While Sarah stretched, Noir quickly patched his armor back on and ducked into the kitchen where he gathered his gloves and mask. She watched him grab their notebook and jot a few words down.

I must go back

She nodded, understanding.

I will be back, he quickly added. He then mentally paused and wondered if that was a mistake. On the internet, he’d found multiple websites with dating tips where over-eagerness was something to avoid.

Sarah smiled at that, “You’re welcome to come over any time.”

He mentally sighed in relief. The silent man looked at her and reached forward to push a strand of curly hair behind her ear. She gazed at his pensive face and wished she could search his thoughts, understand what was bothering him.

He finally dropped his hand and took the pen back into hand.

Stay away from Homelander

Sarah stilled. She already knew to stay away from that man and avoid being noticed. She was supposed to blend in with everyone else. She already knew all of this and more, so why was he telling her this?

She frowned, “I know to be careful…” she trailed off. “Is something going on?”

He gazed at her for a long moment before cautiously answering.

He seems fascinated by you, she read. Underneath he added, Bad feeling

A shiver ran down her spine and she suddenly felt cold.

I will not let him hurt you.

She nodded more to herself than to Noir. They would need to accelerate the timing on her and Martha’s plan. They needed to finish before someone sensed what was going on. Before Homelander looked into her profile a little too closely.

Finally, she looked up at Noir and spoke with a hint of amusement, “You know I can hold my own, right?”

Believe me, I know, he wrote, and Sarah was surprised to see a mischievous glint in his eyes.

She laughed but quickly grew serious again and thanked him.

He had her back and she felt comfort in knowing it.

Noir slipped his dark, skull-like mask back on and quickly head out the back.

She watched him disappear and thought of his words. Her heart sighed at the idea of seeing him again, while her mind sharpened at the work ahead.

MASTERLIST

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[steph-writing]

Fem Byleth x Claude wedding...? Please

I got this ask a while ago but I needed the F E E L S to do it justice. And I can only hope I did it justice because THIS COUPLE!!!!!! DESERVES!!!!!! THE WORLD!!!!!! 😭😍 And I’m not used to 3rd POV writing so shit if I screwed up my bad lmao enjoy ;)

AO3 link

“Claude, you will not see the bride before she walks in!” Hilda barks at Claude for what feels like the hundredth time as she catches him trying to sneak in the room where Byleth is getting ready. “Get out of here before I chop off your favorite toy and ruin Byleth’s honeymoon.”

“Now, there’s no need to get aggressive, is there?” Claude tries to laugh it off but it’s clear as day from the way his stance shifts that he’s taking her threats very seriously.

But as he turns to try and make his escape back to the dining hall, a very smiley and a very annoyed Raphael and Lorenz block his exit.

“Hey Claude-”

“What exactly made you think you will marry Byleth dressed like that?” Lorenz interrupts Raphael’s warm-hearted exchange with nothing but sheer exasperation on his voice.

Letting out a deep breath, Hilda drops the axe she was wielding menacingly moments ago and smiles at the guys. “Good, you’re here. Could you please drag Claude’s sorry ass out of here? I need to check on Byleth.”

Not waiting for their reply, she storms off down the hall.

“I just wanted to talk with my fiancée, is that some sort of crime?” Claude tries to sound nonchalant, but it’s to no avail.

“I’m not sure you grasp the magnitude of the event that’s about to unfold!” Shaking his head, Lorenz, motions Raphael to grab Claude and start leading him away as they walk back to his room to finish getting him ready.

“This wedding is not only your joyous and, might I add, much delayed love union with Byleth, but also the joining of two great nations! Fódlan and Almyra were never amicable to each other, but that is bound to change with a romantic union of the leader of our free nation and the King of Almyra. You ought to show some respect and dignity to carry out your duties today!

“Besides, how do you think Byleth would feel if she could see just how little you seem to care to your appearance for today? Oh my, is that sauce I see on your shirt? Claude, this is unacceptable!

“Have you any idea what it would look like if…”

Lorenz keeps talking until they get there, all the way on the other side of the Monastery, but doesn’t seem to realize Claude, thrown over Raphael’s shoulder for good measure, has fallen asleep to the sound of his nagging, and only wakes up when Raphael puts him down non-ceremoniously on the chair while Lorenz hits his closet to find something he deems suitable for Claude to wear for his wedding.

*

Meanwhile, Hilda deals with something she never expected to see.

“What if he doesn’t show up? Or worse, if he says no? Or that it was all just a joke? What if he doesn’t really love me and this is just an overelaborated prank?”

Byleth is pacing around so fast that Hilda is having a hard time believing her former Professor even has the ability to talk so much and so fast all at once.

“Byleth, will you just calm down?” She storms up to the bride, stopping her at once and proceeding to fix the diadem on her hair.

“But Hilda, I-”

“I know, I know. It all seems very easy until it gets down to it, right? You get all these doubts and uncertainties and it makes you want to run far, far away and never look back.” Byleth nods slowly, biting down on her lip so hard she can almost taste the metal on her blood. “I’ve been there, remember? And you were there to knock some sense into me while I was already getting my wyvern ready to fly away.”

They both laugh softly at the memory. It is true, Byleth can still remember the tears on Hilda’s eyes as she questioned all she and her now husband ever went through and whether she was forcing him into their marriage.

“I was silly for doubting then, and you’re being even more now.” Gently pushing Byleth back to the chair, Hilda grabs some makeup and starts giving her some finishing touches. “My husband is a bit slow on that aspect, we both know that. But Claude’s different. He never hid how much he cares for you, nor how much he loves you.”

Byleth sighs, a small smile tugging the corners of her lips, and Hilda feels a pride tug on her now very pregnant belly. She was making her little boy proud by soothing his godmother at this time of need.

“I was outside kicking him out of here because he couldn’t stand not to see you until the ceremony, you know? He’s with Lorenz and Raphael now, and we both know those two won’t let anything happen to our boy. You can rest assured that he’ll be on that altar, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already there, honestly.”

“It’s just… there’s so much that could go wrong.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be a Golden Deer wedding if it all ran smoothly. We are quite the troublemakers, Professor.”

Winking mischievously at Byleth, Hilda focuses on finishing her makeup, the ceremony is just around the corner, and everything better be working out because she will not run around to fix everyone’s mess with a belly this big.

But she’d sure as hell make her husband do it.

As Hilda turns around to grab a different lip tint color, Byleth seems to gather her strength and rushes what’s been eating at her from the inside.

“Hilda, there’s something I haven’t told anyone yet…”

*

Finally, it’s time.

Claude can’t stop fidgeting on the altar, counting the seconds until Byleth walks through the Cathedral’s door. He hasn’t seen her all day, and ever since he came back, he’s tried to hear her laugh at least once a day. But today when he woke up, she was already gone, and the guys were already ready to drag him all around until the ceremony.

He managed to sneak away a few times, but a very pregnant and menacing Hilda blocked his every attempt at seeing his fiancée.

They lived in Derdriu but decided to hold the wedding on the Monastery for several reasons. It was here they shared their first kiss, all those years ago before the battle where Byleth disappeared. It was here where they were reunited, where they shared their first touches, where he heard her cries of pleasure for the first time, where they declared their love for each other… and where he proposed before leaving for Almyra.

He looks around the room and sees all of their friends sitting there, eager to see their union at long last, all happy smiles and teary eyes.

Dorothea, Manuela and Annette are next to the piano, ready to sing the entrance song when Byleth walks in.

Everyone attended, there are Blue Lions, Black Eagles and Golden Deers spread out, sitting next to each other… Claude can’t help but feel proud of his soon-to-be wife.

She really did help create a unified Fódlan, if you look at everyone on this room, you’d never say they weren’t always united.

He wishes, however, that Dimitri and Dedue could’ve been here. Even Edelgard and Hubert… but he knows that they’d be proud of what he and Byleth are accomplishing in Fódlan, and it brings a smile to his face.

Even the Almyrans have showed up for his wedding, some of them even mingling and chatting with the guests from Fódlan – the way it’s supposed to be. Looking at his parents sitting on the end of the front row, he can’t help but feel his heart break a bit.

Byleth doesn’t have any blood relatives left. He knows she still thinks of Jeralt, she told him as much, and every time he sees that forlorn look on her eyes when she visits his grave when they come to the monastery, he swears over and over again that he’ll give her the biggest and happiest family she’s ever seen.

Lorenz shifts next to him, and he notices he’s making room for Hilda to get on the other side of the altar as the maid of honor usually does. He also notices Seteth and Lorenz are quirking their eyebrows at Hilda, which he soon does too when he sees the huge smile that’s on her face.

“What…”

Claude’s question dies on his lips when the huge doors crack open, and the music starts playing.

The sun is shining bright, and it causes a halo of light to surround Byleth’s white dress as she steps on the threshold.

By all the Gods in this world, how is it that she’s looking even more beautiful than usual? Claude asks himself, all else forgotten. There’s a certain… glow on her, he can’t look away. Is it magic? It must be.

As Byleth walks in on Alois’s arm, he only partially notices how the old man is bawling his eyes out. He remembers how emotional he got when Byleth asked him to walk her on the aisle as her father figure. And he’s sure the song the girls are singing is very emotional and has nice lyrics, but he can’t hear them. He can’t see anyone else.

All he sees is Byleth.

All he feels is love.

All he wants is to hold her in his arms and swear before every God and Goddess out there that he will never let her go again, that his life is hers and that he promises to spend eternity making her happier each day.

Her hair cascades down her back in soft curls, the golden diadem crowning her head making her look like a Queen, his Queen. And her dress hugs her every curve, making her look so tempting it should be a sin to walk in a church like that.

When she reaches the altar, he’s dazzled by her smile, by the sheer love that’s on her eyes, a look he’s sure is a clear reflection of his. Claude’s hardly able to spare a glance to Alois when he takes Byleth’s hands in his, but he’s sure the man didn’t notice through all the tears on his face.

Seteth begins the ceremony, a mix of Fódlan and Almyran traditions, and Claude’s sure it must be lovely, but he can’t stop looking at Byleth, and she can’t stop looking at him. It’s only when it’s time for his vows that he finds his voice again.

“I vow to love you, protect you, and stand by you. Now and forever. My anamchara, I will never leave you, for my life is yours and without you I can’t ever be. I never thought I’d need someone as much as I need you, and never have I thought that I’d enjoy sharing so much of myself, my dreams and my life with someone. Thank you for trusting me, for being my friend, for being my teach, and for being my love. I promise to give you all I am, and to be your friend, your lover, and your family. Now and forever.”

Byleth’s eyes are so marred with tears, her voice wavers when it’s her turn.

“I vow to love you, protect you, and stand by you. Now and forever. Finding you was like finding a piece of me I always knew was missing. Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone, for being my shoulder to cry on and the one to make me laugh even in the darkest times. My anamchara,” she says the word with that cute accent that always makes Claude’s heart hammer on his chest, “I love you more than I ever thought it to be possible. I promise to give you all I am, and to be your friend, your lover and your family. Now and forever.”

Claude’s lips quiver at her vow, and as they exchange their rings, both of their hands shake at their overjoyed anticipation of a life together at last.

At the sound of all their friends’ cheer, Claude pulls Byleth against his chest by her waist, and they share the purest of smiles before he leans down to kiss her with all the love he can muster.

Pulling their lips apart, Claude still can’t let go of his wife. Wife. He thinks the word to himself over and over, adoring the feel of it, only to have his thoughts interrupted by her small voice whispering against his neck.

“Claude, I…”

“What is it?” He senses her hesitation and tilts her head up with a gentle finger under her chin. She knows she can tell him whatever, he’ll still be there for her.

“I’m pregnant.”

His smile falters for a moment, but before Byleth can even look away, he breaks out in laughter, and pulls her even closer, lifting her as he spins around hugging her, which is enough for her to loosen up and laugh alongside him, both basking on the joy of the chance of starting their own family.

Today is, without a shadow of doubt, the best day in Claude’s life.

And as they walk down the aisle into their new life, they know they’ll love each other until the end of this world.

[persephones-bde]

I Saw Hadestown Contd.

This is all about Act II! It was the actors fund performance and guys. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

-Persephone. That is all.

-She does the step in my office and is just gyrating for a while but then she gestured really bluntly down and started hip thrusting. It went on for literally 15 seconds straight

-Persephone was having a GOOD TIME.

-Hermes walks away from her pulling the sides of his coat to his chest, as if hiding the contents inside from her. She makes a pouty face behind his back, and he kind of just rolls his eyes and keeps walking slowly. It’s clearly not the first time.

-“I don’t know about you BOYSSS” was so loud I jumped. It is way more aggressive live than in the album

-she did her little dance thing where it’s like whats my name? I’ll tell you my name! Persephone!” And Oh My God. I don’t know what happened but it was like her voice just stopped working and it came out a squeak and I put it on tumblr because it was so like????

-And she does a little dance segment. I thought she generally took a deep breath/panted but she like gagged/hiccuped?? It was an interesting choice of action but it just showed how absolutely trashed she was and I just. Ugh. Amber Gray. Fuck me up.

-Theres a part where Persephone moves from center stage to ds right. She didn’t walk there though. No. She hip thrusted all the way over there. Like leaps and mud air hip thrusts. The. Whole. Way.

-Ambers vocals also sent me

-When they give names of the musicians, everyone on stage pretends to play said instrument with 100000% enthusiasm

-Not plot but: Im not sure if it costume or not but Timothy totally had a tattoo or something?? I saw HA in super small letters but the rest was covered by the strap of his overalls. Anyone know anything about this??

-Eurydice looked so happy/hopeful and like held her hand out to shake to the workers before the fates said they weren’t listening

-Jewelles voice? I was close to the stage and her voice is so powerful. I could listen to the fates all day tbh

-During flowers, Persephone just sits the piano and rests her head in her hands.

-Everyone is kind of in the dark and it’s just such a beautiful song guys

-Eurydice beams when she sees Orpheus and asks if he heard her. When he said it didn’t, Andre turns around and looks at the audience like he’s in the office, but also raises his arms in a very clear ‘dude why would you even-‘ fashion

-PAPERS. Y’all. There was more Persephone shit than I imagined.

-Hades said the “no respect for property!” And on property, all of the workers and the fates whip around to look at Orpheus at the exact same time.

-Hades laughs and theres a moment where Persephone looks genuinely afraid, arguably moreso than even Eurydice

-All of the workers are circling and the beat is kind of on a cycle. Persephone is standing off orchestra right. Each time the cycle ended the workers would crouch/prepare to attack him. Each time, Persephone raises her hands up (kind of like Hélène did with Pierre) as if you protect herself. She’s afraid. That shit hit me hard.

-the fates strut over to v injured Orpheus with utmost smugness and seeming very satisfied with the results. Yvette looks like she’s about to laugh. God, they are totally the antagonists of this show

-afra and johns workers seem like they’re supposed to be together. Once they see each other again their eyes lit up and they do not let each other’s hands go. It was so cute. It melted my heart.

-people found the ‘have another drink’ line during how long funny, which I had never seen it as such but eh you know

-The way Hades says the girl means nothing to me is like kind of dismissive, but also almost painful for him to say: he rushes it out but it ended with almost childlike indignance. He won’t look at her.

-Both of their voices sounded like they were so close to breaking, but so, so fed up.

-Theres a moment in chant II where Orpheus is directly behind Hades on the outer turntable, and Hades says something, and Persephone points in their general direction. But then Reeve moves and she jerks her hand down and quickly turns and walks the other way

-Once Orpheus realizes others are beginning to stand up with him, he gets this like awkward smile and tries to look all macho by puffing out his chest and continuing his failing buff facade by like waddling around for a moment.

-Y’all I was orchestra left like second row. I could hear the stool slam and through the speakers. He does it so aggressive goddamn.

-Patrick’s eyes looked like they were sparkling as the tears welled up. He was fighting the urge to cry. That acting tho. By the time he and amber began to dance, their faces were entirely wet with tears.

-People gasped when they began to dance and there were sniffles

-Their embrace was so cute. They like high key blocked all of the stage from my view and I was not mad.

-His kiss the riot was basically spoke to our section. I thought I was gonna die. My heart began vibrating.

-Worker Afra and John didn’t stop holding hands the whole time.

-I don’t remember when this happened but Reeve sort of holds out his hands as if to shield her, and she just grabs them and pulls his arms into her.

-Im not going into Doubt comes in because I can’t even express emotions for how much anxiety and how much that song makes me literally shake any time I hear it. The lighting gets foggy and so frikin eerie

-There was some sort of technical difficulty on the platform because Hermes looked down first. The song started, and they had to repeat this line like a few times, and the music kind of just kept going but Persephone still hadn’t come back up yet. Like there were moments just Eurydice was singing because Amber wasn’t up yet.

-Bows were cute. Jewelle looked directly at me and I thought I was going to die

-During the Actors Fund speech the band was supposed to be like playing a tune and the band didn’t do it until like halfway through

-He proceeded to address the audience with “Can I get an Amen? Can I get a WoMen? Can I get a non-binary, gender fluid...men?’” and it was entirely both unexpected and welcome

-then one of them starts and he turns to look at them and goes ‘finALLY’

-Andre told a story of his former boyfriend who passed away. Amber is full on BAWLING. like she turned side profile and just was sobbing. You can tell how deep and meaningful this was for him to share

-Amber, Reeve, Eva, Patrick, and the Fates were going off stage and had an impromptu like 20 second dance sesh as they were leaving. Such pure babies. May the theatre gods protect them.

[squishymochisoo]

more than a voice || hwang hyunjin

bulleted scenario 

genre: fluff, teeny weeny angst, college au

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

sypnosis: you, a mute piano major, would have never thought that hwang hyunjin, a dance major, would even look your way

~            ~           ~

• you’re a piano major — bUT the one thing that differentiated you and the others in your school was that

• you’re mute

•basicALLY one day after school hyunjin — dance major —was walking down the down the halls

•and just heard this BEAUTIFUL melody of the piano and was like freaking inspired by it

•it was like perfect for an dance assignment he had

• “uh hey” hyunjin voiced behind you as you were deep into playing,, he didn’t know youre name and has never seen you around

• i mean of course you didn’t turn around (cuz you didn’t hear him )

•he tapped your shoulder and you instantly turned

•your eyes widened

•i mEAN THAT PERFECT POPULAR STUDENT is right in FRONT OF YOU???

• “uh...h”

• honestly hyunjin forgot what he wanted to say when he saw your eyes

•he was like lost in them

• (CUTE THIS IS CUTE)

• and silence followed right after

•you stood up bowing as if to apologize

• basically you thought that he wanted the piano in the practice room (you are an AWKWARD BEAN!!)

• ,,, grabbing your bag and the hastily clumped the music scores (u were in the middle of writing a piece) together and like walked out the door briskly

• hyunjin stared after you before realizing you left one music sheet behind

• ‘fuck i forgot to get their name??? good going hyunjin??’

• THE NEXT DAY,,, he’d ask his group of friends if they knew you

•of course everyone was like ????

•partly because of hyunjin’s shit description of you

• “of you know that student that plays the piano in practice room 3”

• his friends are liKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME THERE ARE LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO PLaYED THE PIANO

• hyunjin would roll his eyes he knew his friends was gonna be rEALLY unhelpful

• he took out the music sheet you left behind,,, scribbles of notes surrounded the paper

• “oh? isn’t that y/n’s???”

•seungmin recognized your handwriting anywhere

• seungmin and you were friends

• one day you were playing the piano and seungmin complimented you and suddenly

•y’all friends

•he couldn’t speak sign but you could communicate just fine with him

•he always helped you when you were in need of a second opinion when you’re writing a piece

• “wHERE CNA I FIND THEM”

• desperation dripping from hyunjin’s voice

• “uhh they’re always at practice room 3 after class”

• “okAY BYE”

•seungmin didn’t even have time to tell him that youre mute

•this time hyunjin was already waiting in the practice room before you came in

•you’re like wtf??? when you saw him sitting in front of the piano

•hyunjin giggled at your look of shock and waved the music sheet you left behind in front of you

•you took back the sheet of paper and smiling lightly ask if to say thank you

• hyunjin njij thought you were just shy ( and was not comfortable with talking to strangers)

• you put your thing down and sat infront of the piano

•in your head you were still “what IS HE DOING HERE,,, like it was THE HYUNJIN ya know

• hyunjin took a chair and gestured as if asking permission to sit next to you

•you nodded ( just a little freaking shocked but okay)

• (ngl your eyes travelled down to his cute nose and his pouty lips for a little while)

• hyunjin stared at you as you started playing jotting down new notes

•liTERAL HEART EYES HONESTLY uwuuwu

• he smiled as you would tilt your head when you were stuck not knowing how to write the next bar

• after 15 minutes he fINALLY tapped your shoulders

•uhhhhh hi i’m hyunjin”

• kay you were like ??? cause it was been almost 20 minutes and he’s just introducing himself

• unbeknownst to you hyunjin’s mind was like a MESS during the past 20mins

• he wanted to talk to you but like hoW?

•plus he didn’t want to interrupt your bEAUTIFUL PLAYING

• you smiled before picking up your pencil and writing your name on the side of music sheet

• y/n

• hyunjin stared at you a little

• “o-oh.. you’re mute?”

• you gave him a tight smile and nodded

• ofc he was just reacting like everyone else uGH

• hyunjin saw yr reaction and was like nO NO NO

• he didn’t mean it that way he was like shocked ya know

• (cause he thought you were just shy)

• silence followed again

• hyunjin was mentaly encouraging himself to continue the conversation

• ‘c’MON HYUNJIN YOU CAN DO THIs’

• “uh...u..h would you like to perform with me?”

•your eyes went WIDE like whATT???

• is this kid srs right now?? you??

• “yesterday when i came in — the piece yoh were playing was amazing and i’d be so happy if you’d let me dance to it while you play”

•hyunJIN WAS SO SHY BUT LIKE HE WANTED TO PERFORM YOU

•ESPECIALLY AFT SEEING YOU WRITE YOUR PIECES WITH SUCH PASSION FOR MUSIC AND LIKE WOW

•wOW JUST WOW

•and well you agreed

• that’s how your friendship started

•it was hard to communicate at first bUT

•you didn’t know that hyunjin was learning sign languGe

•he wanted to mKe sure that you’re comfortable when talking to him

•( since you had to write everythign down,,)

•one day he invited you to eat with his griup of friends

•”well GUESS YOU DONT NEED ME ANYMORE HMPH”

•seungmin pouted 😤😤

•”y/n wont need you anymore when she has me!” hyunjin declared

•your heart sped up a little JUST A LITTLE

•the other laughed and teased hyunjin

• “oooOOOOHHH HYUNJIN”

•the two of you practiced really hard everyday after school

• you finishing up the last details of the piece and hyunjin choreograhping a dance

• yall spent so much time tgt that he knew your habits

•you’d bit your nails when you’re nervous or anxious

•the hyunjin’s assignment dateline was two weeks away and well yall were prepared and READY

•so instead of practicing everyday

•yall just hanging out tgt in prac room 3

• let’s be real hyunjin wasn’t discreet with his feelings for you but he wasn’t SO open abt it either

•it’s usually a “you look so beautiful today” or “i can’t stop staring at you”

•i mean like HOW BLIND ARE YOU

• you’re not so experienced in the relationship area

• so you’re like is he flirting with me???

• one day hyunjin found you crying in prac rm 3 aft school

•you weren’t bawling just sobbing — as if not to let anybody hear you cry

•it was because of your previous class!

• you were critized that your playing was emotionless almost robotic and that another piece you wrote for an assignment was shIT

•not to mention someone also said as you passed by

• “they’re just a mute,,, why are they here,,, tch not even talented”

• you felt untalented you felt like you didn’t belong here

• but you couldn’t explain it to hyunjin

• were you supposed to stop crying to write it down????

• hyunjin hugged you

• and comforted you “it’s okay you can cry on me”

• “you dont need to tell me “

• you glanced at him as the both of you sat close to each other — tights touching

• you sniffled

• he gave you an encouraging smile before signing

• tell me

• waIT SIGNED

• he SIGNED TO YOU

•wtf??!!? were you dreaming?? how?? when???

• your stAte of shock subsided and you signed to him — telling him everything that was bothering you

• hyunjin’s smile dropped — his eyes glassy,,, from seeing you almost tear up again

•he NEVER wanted to see you cry ever again!!!

•you are so talented please don’t—

• he stopped

• you could see the gears in his brain working not knowing the word ‘listen’ in sign

• you giggled as your arms went around him

• “you’re so talented. don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not. the nxt time somebody says that i’ll beat them up i promise” 👊👊

•you sniffled in his shirt

• “i also promise to study sign even harder “

• you didn’t manage to tell him but you were fucking TOUCHED

•never has anyone picked up sign for you

•you felt special

• you felt loved

• “and before i forget” hyunjin muttered,, his face pressed on the top of your head as he pecked it

• he let go of you

• and signed

• i love you

|||

my first try @ bulleted scenarios???? i wanted to write then i got lazy but i love and am invested in this plot line so i did a bullet scenario lmaoooo

but let me know if you like it and want more of this kind of writing??? also not beta’d cause i lazy 

[blancasplayground]

One more post about Cats, because the experience is not leaving me anytime soon and I feel the need to work through some things. At the moment I don’t have anywhere else to publish this review, so it’s going up here exclusively. Maybe it’ll be read, maybe it won’t, but I’ll feel better getting it out.

This isn’t going to be short, so I'll include a cut for the sake of your dashes. Continue on at your own risk (and it goes without saying there will be spoilers, though if there’s a point at which something is so rotten it can’t be spoiled any further, Cats has surely reached it).

There’s a scene in Douglas Coupland’s novel Microserfs (bear with me, I promise this is relevant) where the main character’s girlfriend is giving him a therapeutic massage and she hits this one spot on his chest and he just starts bawling and can’t stop. This is a little while after they’ve had a talk about how the body is like a hard drive and can store memories in places other than the brain. He realizes he must have some repressed memories stored there. 

This is pretty much what happened to me at the beginning of Cats. 

I heard the first few strains of the prologue and they unlocked something inside me. I got all choked up and so bleary eyed I could hardly see. Maybe it was all those lyrics and melodies coming up to the surface after being dormant for so long. I didn’t know how much of it I still knew, but I found myself reciting the songs word for word (and even noticing when there were changes -- like I’m pretty sure they used the West End version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, not the Broadway one I grew up listening to). It was like returning to a place you’d been to often as a child and thought you’d forgotten, but as soon as you get there the memories wash over you. It’s a little surprising and a lot overwhelming.

Or maybe it was because my mom loved it so much she played it constantly in our house during the years when it was popular. We even had a cat named Jelli (short for Jellicle), because she was “black and white” and “rather small” (I can still hear my mom’s voice reciting those words, in rhythm). My mom has been gone for three years now and I can’t help but wonder what she would have thought of the movie version. She didn’t see a lot of movies in the theater, but I think she probably would have gone to this. And been really confused, but never would have admitted it.

Maybe it was a little bit of both that brought on the waterworks. I don’t know. But one thing's for sure, it’s difficult for me to judge the movie without a bit of nostalgia interfering. This was a deeply personal experience for me. I’m glad I went alone.

For those who weren’t around or don’t remember when Cats first premiered on the stage, it’s difficult to explain what an absolute phenomenon it was. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was the Hamilton of its day. Not necessarily in terms of quality or critical acclaim (FAR from it), but certainly in terms of cultural impact and crossover from niche Broadway audiences to the public at large. Everyone knew the words to “Memory.” Radio stations played it. I could play it on the piano. Lots of people could. It was the longest running musical on Broadway until Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber’s next cultural phenom, Phantom of the Opera, surpassed it (it still resides at #4). It seems strange even to me, looking back on it now, but that’s how it was.

All of this is to say that going into the movie I was perhaps more predisposed to liking it than your average audience member. Oh, how I wanted to like it. Not just hate-like it out of some fascination with the horror show of it all, but actually enjoy it. Despite dubious casting decisions (I mean, Jennifer Hudson is a phenomenal singer, but far too young and beautiful to play Grizabella, an old mangy cat whose best days are behind her) and the unsettling blend of human faces with CGI cat bodies, I guess I was hoping the source material would somehow carry it through. 

Turns out, our fond memories of things we enjoyed as kids don’t always match up to the reality when we experience them in adulthood. The movie only highlights the musical’s built-in flaws, and then exacerbates the mess further with unnecessary plot complications, inattention to visual detail, a complete disregard for internal narrative logic, and a series of other bizarre choices that contribute to the overall feeling of being in the midst of a psychotic break while watching. I’m not sure drugs would even help. 

This review has already gone on far longer than I intended, and though I do have more to say on the matter, I’m too tired to write more now, so I’m going to end this here. To sum up, don’t bother seeing Cats, even if you have the morbid curiosity of the film’s titular creatures. You know how the saying goes.

[setitofffamily]

Track By Track Reaction to Midnight by Set It Off.

This was written as I was listening. So excuse any typoes. 

Killer In The Mirror - Why is it so aggressive? Why are these words so true? Why do I want to yell this at all the assholes I went to high school with? Or my old boss... Or that co-worker who ratted me out for something I didn’t do? Acturally this is quite a bop. Like I have no idea what “killer in the mirror” really means but I actually feel it in my bones... Yes. I’m going to send this to all those poeple who were assholes in high school. Yup. 

Hourglass - Reminds me a bit of old school SIO. Really digging this song. Is this song about a middle age crisis? Or an existential crisis? I think middle aged... Why is that relateable when I’m only 25? For some reason I want to go reread all those texts message I sent with my ex best friend that I kind of miss alot... Wait. This is the epitomy of reading old text messages with your ex at 3am... Then writing a pissy drunk text and deleting it? 

Lonely Dance - This album is literally how I feel every other day. The anthem of those of us who have anxiety and hate people. This how I feel when I’m writing in my room late at night surrounded by my obscure Marvel and music collection that no one ever sees... Also a BOP. I’m going to blast this on repeat every other day and scream the lyrics in my car, even when people are in the car with me. Yes. Yes. This song is my new anthem. 

Different Songs - Why is this song about action figures? Oh wait... A guitar? Is this about old school SIO changing? OMG IT IS! No wait... It’s about growing apart with the people you used to know? Wait no they are flipping off everyone who’s talking about their style changing? Wait... No it’s about an old relationship? I can’t figure this one out. Oh who cares. Another song I wanna dance to. But think it’s the one about growing apart. 

For You Forever - Already digging the change in pace. A little slower... Don’t hate it. OH SNAP! Bring that chorus around. You tell that person to stop stringing you along, Cody. YOU TELL THEM! Why is this also relatable? I hate this. Give me a song I can’t relate to on this album. Come on SIO! 

Dancing With The Devil - Demon voice? WHAT!? Wait... Why does this start sound like We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus? Did anyone else realize this? Not bad though... Not my favorite... I don’t think I like this one... Why is Cody now a demon? What’s he doing? Why don’t I like this? Why do I also want to sing along? Are there more than 1 demon in that back track? Why is is slow now? What is this song... Why is he angry again? I’m so distracted by the demon voice I can’t listen to the words. HE’S TALKING REALLY FAST!!!! Bring back the chorus CODY! And Demon man is back... Phew. Finished. 

Go To Bed Angry - Another slow beat... I can dig this. A little sway in my chair. Cool. Cool. I wish people listened to this anthem more often. Going to bed angry is literally bad for your health. Check the studies. Cody is onto something. GIRL!? WHO IS GIRL!? (check track) Oh it does say there’s a feature artist. Okay. She’s got a good voice. I should check her out... She’s no Ash Costello in Parners in Crime but.... Let’s all just go to bed happy. Send this to people who are mad at you when they pull the “Night.” text and hope they get the message? Not my favorite song on this album but not my least so far... 

Midnight Thoughts - YES! My favorite song heard before the release! JAM TIME! Mostly because this is literally how I feel every night. Excuse me while I go dance a bit and try not to wake up the roommates while I celebrate the existance of this song. ooooOOOoooOOOooo! 

Criminal Minds - Why does this sound like something that should be Hercules... That Disney movie you know and- Wait. What? This is a very different sound... I... I think I like it? I feel like this should be a musical or something. Like Cody is singing a solo in an emotional musical. He’s the protagonist. He’s a detective falling in love with the suspect, but this is the scene where he has a mental breakdown about what he should do about this situation. He’s debating running away with the suspect but he knows she might be guilty... And now we are full circle to that tour they did back in like 2014 with the masks and stuff with the Bonnie and Clyde story. Oh it’s over...

No Disrespect - Ooooo I like this guitar. This is the next number in the musical I was talking about. The suspect ran off with her drug dealer boyfriend after Cody let her go. Now he’s losing his job and pissed off at her. I need to get off this musical thing... This is a funky song. I like it. I wonder who pissed off Cody again? Piano? What!? Acoustic guitar? Where is this going? Now we’re in a romantic ballad? Never mind... He’s still mad... 

Stitch Me Up - Awwww... This reminds me of my best friends that have helped put me back together after all the shitty things I’ve been through... Already loving this song. The beat is good and lyrics are so amazing. I love this message as well... Everything you went through makes you who you are. My cat has even emerged to listen to this song. He’s digging it as well. YEAH CAT! When the cat approves it’s a good song right? This ones in the top 5 of this album. Yup. Also reminds me of S-Club7 for some reason? 

Raise No Fool - Call out all those fakers! YES! I like this. WHAT A JAM! Screw all the people who have tried to use me. I’mma send this to my old boss. In a random email. 2 years from now. When she forgets. Where was this song 3 months ago when I lost my job? Because this was perfect to decribe what happened. Instead of trying to type out what happened I could have just sent them this song! Also should send it to those people who strung me along over the years... The losing my job is just fresh. Also in the top 5. I’ll sing this LOUD at the next show. Don’t worry y’all. Abrupt end though? 

I Want You (Gone) - Someone hurt you!? WHO HURT YOU!? Someone hurt me... This is literally how I felt when I stopped talking to you like 3 years ago... And was ignoring all my friends and family telling me they were draining my happiness. Nothing was more relieving than taking all your stuff and shoving it in a box under my bed. Still trying to get my life back after those almost 5 years of my life wasted. There’s the trumpet! I was waiting for a trumpet. I like this song. Do I like this song or just the lyrics? Another song that seems like it should be in a musical. What if I wrote a musical with all these songs in it? Can I get those rights? Set It Off... Let’s chat about that. The next Broadway hit is Midnight. 

Unopened Windows - A VERY slow jam... This is cute... When it’s gonna turn dark... I feel it coming... Such a sweet song though. I wanna make a cover of this song. It’s so sweet. This would also be perfect in that musical we talked about. Oooo it’s picking up a bit... This feels so raw compared to their usual music. Why they gotta throw this curve ball at me? They better play this on the next tour. So I can cry... Now I wanna cry... I’mma cry... It’s making me sad... So many feels... I’m crying... This is a part 2 to Dad’s Song. Holy shit... No one warned me about this emotion!!! I miss Cloe so damn much... 

Happy All The Time - Still trying to get over Unopened Window’s. Hold on. Okay I can listen to this now. I’m half way through and can’t focus. I’m not crazy? Thank you, Cody. I like this. Sounds like another anthem. This was a good follow up to me bawling... Jesus... Okay. I forgive them. They literally just told me the fact I cried was okay because I don’t have to be happy all the time. 

[tvfanatic]

Okay I wanted to make a post about rep Tour Denver last night, but I’ll put it under the cut cause it might be long and I know not all of you care so. But if you wanted to read a superfan review @taylorswift or @taylornation here it is :)

So the day of I woke up at like 8 am cause that’s 9 am my time and I was just super excited. I held off on getting ready until I checked into my flight around 1. A little 1989 tour throwback for ya!

Okay so I got to the stadium around 2pm. My Lyft driver had asked me if Charli aka Charli XCX was her boyfriend. I set him straight don’t you worry. Anyway he had no idea where to drop me off at the stadium so just sort of let me out and I started walking toward the Merch bus, but saw her fleet of tour semis along the way.

I get closer to the Merch bus and some lady stops me and asks me where I’m headed so I told her and she told me I was in a restricted area so I apologized and told her my Lyft driver got lost. Oops. So I ended up buying the Grey tour hat, how could I not after the the TS Merch account retweeted me saying I wanted one. haha There was a little throne and I had some nice random people take my photo with it.

So I go find the line for field seating entry and Taylor Nation comes by and takes a video of us in line, so I made it on to their Insta and Twitter!!! I’m there for like 2 seconds maybe but I’m there. It was so HOT in the sun I was dying in this jacket but after I took it off for a while, I felt my shoulders burning so back on it went. I planned to go buy a water once I got inside, but I was just so overwhelmed, I had already started tearing up, that I just went straight to my seat and then I was too afraid to leave it for fear that I would miss something idk?? Anyway my seats looked fabulous, but I spent most of the time staring at her back and/or on the giant screen. Right next to the stage, but actually behind her with the layout

The video they played with her home videos and story up til now montage BITCH I CRIED. I sat there watching the rest of the videos wishing I had cash on me to buy water from the guy coming around with it, and then Charli XCX came out and she was fabulous. I was happy to finally actually know her opener, I knew most of Charli’s songs and sang and danced along she was fab. Camila came out walking right by that silver gate up there and waved at me so I waved back. The only song I know of hers is Havana so I just kind of swayed to her set, enjoying it. I had been warned that Tequila, Obsessed, and Bad Reputation would play before Taylor came out so I started freaking when they started. 

I immediately started crying when that opening video montage started playing, and kept saying leave her alone @ the lame-o rude media people featured, and basically bawled while singing through all of Ready For It, while still managing to do some of the choreo from her SNL performance that didn’t change. I managed to sing along to the tour version of IDSB pretty well, guess I’d watched that video on Twitter more than I realized. haha The crowd was so loud on the line “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing!” incredible good job team. After that song though holy shit the crowd went insane. We were all yelling SO LOUD Taylor couldn’t even speak. She kept lifting up her microphone to try and would just smile, and laugh, and adjust her earpiece. We were really blowing her away I’m so proud of us. She told us several times throughout the night what a great, and loud crowd we were, said we were the best crowd she’s ever had at Denver. Said she loved that we were all just YELLING the words to every song. 

She was kind of on my side of the stage for LWYMMD and did the choreo from the music video, that iconic end part anyway, just modified cause this time she’s holding a mic, but I did it with her from the crowd it’s fine. It’s probably so good I was on the end of my row I needed the dancing space. I literally ran into the lady behind me during You Belong With Me when Taylor told us to jump. Guess I jumped backwards? LMAO I was too busy holding up my Fearless style hand heart. hahaha

Um so did she go to B stage after that or sing Don’t Blame Me? Listen I’m not a religious person AT ALL but Don’t Blame Me was a religious experience like I can’t even explain it. And when she fell to her knees on “I beg you on my knees to stay” like !!!!! stop girl you’re killing me it’s too much too much (don’t ever stop Taylor not ever)

Anyway so B stage acoustic set. DWOHT is my favorite on the album so I was singing it loudly but I felt like no one around me knew it?? So I could awkwardly hear my terrible singing voice the whole time?? Stop sleeping on my song people. But she said something like it’s been forever since I’ve played this song AND FUCKING SANG TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR. Listen I screamed and doubled over and couldn’t stop crying, I like sob sang my way through the entire time and my legs were shaking. It was the first Taylor song I ever owned and she was singing it all these years later. Every time I thought about it for the rest of concert I started crying again.

After she was done at the second B stage, she took the snake skeleton thing back to main stage and I swear we made eye contact when she went past me while singing Bad Blood. And then during Getaway Car, she was on our side of the stage again. And again people around me weren’t really going crazy for the song so I started jumping up and down and waving at her and SHE POINTED RIGHT AT ME HI TAYLOR I LOVE GETAWAY CAR...AND YOU. 

Where did the piano acoustic set fit in this? It was somewhere and it was amazing and there was more crying from me I looked like a raccoon. Waterproof my ass, Tarte. Um so Long Live has always been special to me ever since I heard her sing it during the Speak Now tour (the night we first made eye contact, it was during Love Story) and I LOVE New Year’s Day so holy this mashup can I own it? Taylor release a tour album I want all of the mashups from this show. But she pauses toward the end of the song for whatever reason and we all went nuts again and she did THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST LITTLE EXCITED DANCE SHE WAS SO HAPPY I CAN’T STAND IT. WE DID THAT. WE CAUSED HER HAPPINESS I’M CRYING AGAIN HELP. 

I was in between two different confetti canons for Call It What You Want and I’ve never sat close enough at a Taylor show before to be showered in confetti so it was magical to have it swirling all around me I caught so many I couldn’t stop smiling. 

I started crying again during her finale cause I knew it was the last song and it was about to be over. Her and the dancers playing in that fountain though it looked so fun I wanted to join them. hahaha

I seriously can’t believe I get to experience it all over again three more times at Gillette. The only thing that could make the show even better, would be to finally get my Taylor hug at one but idk if that will ever happen, so many of us want that opportunity. I’ll just continue to dance my ass off and sing and cry from the crowd. Still makes for an epic night. 

xoxo,

Emily

[the-vampire-artist]

Home is in your arms

JUST FOR THE RECORD, I have two OC's in this story, Roy and Amanda. They're like Keith's best band friends. There are some really sweet and sentimental moments between them and Keith, however this is a Klance Oneshot, so the scenes shouldn't be interpreted like I ship them. Anyways, enjoy!

-----------------

Lance McClain.

22 year old Cuban student in the Garrison Military Academy.

Sniper class.

Temporarily Stationed in North Korea.

He had been away on a post mission with his commander Shiro, his best friend and the team's engineer Hunk, The team's hand-to-hand combatant Allura, the team's technical manager Pidge, and their brother who was also a hand-to-hand combatant Matt. Shiro just so happened to be the older brother of Lance's boyfriend, Keith, who was a master swordsman, but decided to follow what he wanted to do and go to school for music and art. He was still in Florida, and Lance and the team were in North Korea, which just so happened to be Keith's birth country. The boy was adopted into the Shirogane family, but he kept his own Last Name; it was the last shred of relation he had to his parents who he never knew. Keith had a marching band performance that day and he stood in line, his drum on his chest. After they'd played their songs, the plan was to march back on inside and take a break. When they went inside, the news was on the TV. Keith usually didn't pay attention to that kind of stuff, but his ears perked up when he heard,

"-On a side note, there was a North Korean Military Base for the Garrison Academy blown up last night." Keith's eyes widened and he turned to the screen to see the picture of the Base Lance showed him before they'd left. Keith continued listening to the news, his eyes wide in anxiety and fear.

"- As of now, there are 27 dead, 62 injured. The bomb was dropped by a Galran VS18 drone plane, and from out knowledge, most of the camp is destroyed. Here is the list of people who were at the base: Lila Love, Casey Summers, Nathan Collins..." Keith's heart raced as they started listing the names of the people who were at the base. He was praying not to hear the names of his friends...

"Devon Green, Dagger Fuji, Eric Adrex, Takashi Shirogane, Lance McClain-" Keith felt his world collapse in a matter of seconds. Takashi Shirogane. Shiro. His team was there. Lance was on his team. His boyfriend. His brother. They might be...

"WOAH, KEITH!" Amanda and Roy yelled as Keith started falling backwards. His lungs felt like they were closing and he started shaking, gripping his hair. He did that whenever he started to get a panic attack.

Shiro might be gone. His friends might be gone. His boyfriend might be gone. They could be dead. He started hearing their voices as if they were deceased and he started crying.

"Keith, what's wrong? What-" Amanda started, but Roy tapped her shoulder and nodded his head back. Amanda looked at the screen and then back at Keith, who was pale and shaking. She gave a shocked gasp and sighed.

"Oh, Keith..." Amanda and Roy surrounded Keith in a hug.

"Th-they can't be... h-he promised h-he'd come h-home..." Keith cried. Roy and Amanda looked to each other and then continued comforting Keith. They both knew how much Lance and Shiro meant to Keith. They were the only family he had left and he might've just lost them. He couldn't live with himself if he lost his family again.

"P-please, n-no..." he cried out. He hid his face in his hands. There's no way he could survive if he lost this family too. This was his last chance for survival. If he lost them... he was done...

—

Keith wasn't into it. Everyone could tell when they went up marching that Keith wasn't entirely there. His skin was pale and his eyes were dull. His hands were shaking heavily while holding his drumsticks and his eyes were wet from tears. The other members of the marching band all gave each other nervous and worried looks; they were worried for their friend. Even though none of them except Amanda and Roy knew him that well, the whole marching band treated each other like siblings. They were all beyond worried for their bandmate. After the crowd cheered, they turned around to see Keith already going to drop off his drum. Amanda and Roy exchanged worried looks before running off to find him. Having both being trumpeters, it made it easier to follow Keith, who was carrying a drum on him. He dropped it and ran back to the locker room, tears pouring down his face. He ran to the corner and sat hunched over, tears falling freely from his eyes, before he covers them and sobs silently.

"Keith? You in here?" Amanda called out. She already knew the answer, but before she could find him, Roy ran into her from behind.

"Roy, what the heck?!" She whispered. "Where were you?" Roy just smiled.

"Just ran into someone. You should remind Keith that we have one more number." He winked. Before she could answer, Roy ran out. Amanda wasn't sure what just happened, but she did as she was told.

———

"Amanda, remind me why I'm out here again?" Keith asked quietly. Amanda smiled.

"We have one more number, remember?" Keith didn't remember. In fact, as far as he knew, they'd done all of their numbers; the rest of the halftime was the cheerleaders. He listened anyways, though. Keith walked out onto the field without his drum and met up with the rest of the band. He honestly didn't want to go back out. He didn't want to play, or march, or even be seen by the bandmates eyes. He just wanted to disappear. His friends might be dead. His brother might be dead. His boyfriend, the only one who actually loves him, he could be-

"Hey, Keith! Glad you could join us!" Roy said. Keith gave a small smile, and it hurt Roy's heart to see his friend like this. But he knew what was going to happen next, and the thought made him smile. "We're not actually performing, but they want us out on the field. Christie is doing a piano arrangement and the color guard is dancing to it. They wanted us to watch." Keith nodded and stood near Roy and Amanda as Christie walked up to the stage.

"Thank you all for coming to the game tonight. We have one final performance by one of our band members tonight. She will be doing a piano cover of 'Spring Day' by the Korean boy band BTS. Enjoy." Someone announced over the loud speaker.

Keith's eyes filled with tears when he heard the song start playing. That was his and Lance's favorite song. Thinking of that, Keith covered his eyes as silent tears rolled down his face. Roy wrapped his arms around Keith and let him cry as Amanda rubbed his back. Keith would usually feel humiliated by this, but now? He just didn't care. His brother, his friends, his Boyfriend... they all could be gone...

"P-please no... th-they can't be gone... th-they c-can't be..." He cried quietly. Amanda and Roy exchanged worried glances. Amanda had tears falling from her eyes and Roy's eyes were watering themselves. They hated seeing Keith like this; his silent, heart-breaking sobs were only heard by those close to them and the three of them.

"Keith, it's okay. Oh god, it's okay. They're gonna be fine, I promise." Roy said. Even though he knew what was going to happen soon, Roy's voice cracked with sadness. It was painful for him and Amanda to see Keith breaking down like this; Keith was usually the one to comfort others and is always the emotionally strong one of the band. So seeing him hide his face into Roy's chest was so different and heart-breaking.

"Could Keith Kogane please come to the center of the field?" Someone announced. Keith furiously swiped away the tears and looked at Roy and Amanda, trying to find an explanation. They just smiled and moved him towards the center. He stood in the center and Roy's hands covered his eyes.

"Roy, move your hands." Amanda said. Keith's vision was back and he looked around to see a camouflage. He looked closer to see tanned skin, dark brown hair, a signature smile, and ocean blue eyes staring back at him. Keith covered his mouth and fell backwards. His heart raced and his chest hurt while he realized that Lance McClain was smiling back at him. Tears poured down his face as he got up and ran to Lance. Lance embraced him and rubbed his back. Keith bawled hysterically and held onto Lance for dear life.

"I can't believe your back..." Keith sobbed in a small voice. Lance smiled.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here. It's okay." Lance said. He couldn't help the joyful tears that fell down his face as Keith sobbed into his chest. Keith stepped back and Lance held his face in his hands. Keith's face was stained with continuous tears and his face was a mix between hysterical and overjoyed. Lance smiled and pressed their foreheads together as Keith let his arms drop weakly at his sides. His legs soon followed and he was quickly on his knees, sobbing hysterically. Lance took a knee and tried to get Keith to look at him.

"Hey, babe, look at me." Lance said softly. Keith shook his head and hid his face in his arm.

"I d-don't want t-to wake up a-and find you n-not next to me... t-to find out y-you're... y-you're-e..." Keith's voice broke off as tears raced down his face. Lance sighed and moved Keith's arm.

"Keith, look at me. I'm here, it's really me. I promise this isn't a dream, but I need you to look at me." Lance said. Keith refused, shaking his head and keeping his eyes shut. Lance firmed his voice and said,

"Keith. Look at me. Come on, I need you to look at me." Lance lifted Keith's face in his hand. Keith kept his eyes closed and Lance sighed.

"Babe, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, I'm okay, and nothing's going to happen to me." Keith opened his eyes and looked at Lance with tear-filled eyes before tackling him in a hug. Lance fell backwards and paused for a second before hugging Keith back.

"Please never leave me..." Keith whimpered. Lance smiled and kissed Keith's head.

"Of course, mi amor." Lance whispered in his ear. "I'm always here for you." Keith smiled as tears rolled down his face and onto Lance's jacket. Keith pulled back and kissed Lance. They heard their friends and the audience cheering and they started laughing. Keith's mind questioned something though.

"Wait, what about the others...?" Lance looked at him and smiled.

"Don't worry. They're waiting at home. They're safe." Keith smiled and kissed Lance again.

"I love you so much." He said. Lance smiled back at him.

"I love you to, my Casanova." Keith hugged Lance again. Lance was home, and that was all he needed to feel like he's at home.

[dangandidlyronpaimgines]

NDRV3 Victims meet Killer

Trial 1

As she felt the cold darkness of death approach her, Kaeda smiled.

Perhaps now she could apologize to Rantaro

When she opened her eyes next she was no longer on the giant piano, she was in the fluffy clouds

She looked around, where was she?

Then gasped and clutched her head in pain as forgotten memories returned

She had... this was all..

“Hey Kaeda are you alright?”

She looked up (when had she closed her eyes?) to see Rantaro looking at her in concern

Rantaro...

She felt tears well up as she hug him tightly

“Rantaro! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to kill you.. I... I...”

“Hey.. it's okay. You only wanted to kill the mastermind right? You didn't mean to kill me.” He held her close to him and rubbed her back. “Besides.. you weren't the one to kill me Kaeda, you were wrongfully executed.”

“W-what!” She looked up at him startled. She.. she hadn't killed him?

“I'll tell you everything I know... your past memories are probably going to start to come back soon.. Let's go relax somewhere else. Hopefully no one will come soon.. but since this is Danganronpa...” He shook his head. “Anyways we can greet them when they come but for now you need to sit down for a while.”

Rantaro held out his hand in front front of him

“Let's go Kaeda.”

She looked at his hand for a second before slowly wrapping her hand in his

“Okay.”

Trial 2

She couldn't help the scream that escaped her lips as she fell

She failed.. she failed.. she couldn't protect her people she was a failure, a failure

And god was she in so much pain, make it stop!

As the pain started to fade away she gasped

“Hey Kirumi are you okay?”

That voice, it couldn't be..

Yet as she opened her eyes and looked down and behold there he was, Ryoma the one she murdered.

She opened her mouth to speak but a gasp of pain was all that escaped her as her head started to pound.

“It's alright Kirumi the head pain is normal. It's a sign that your memories are starting to return. Anyways we should go to the others.. we were all worried about you especially since how brutal your execution was..”

He held out his hand to her.

Why...?

“Why?.. Why are you being so nice to me? I killed you! I drowned you in your own lab!” She yelled out in confusion, her normal calm facade gone

To her surprise Ryoma let out a low chuckle

“So what? You had a reason to live while I had none. I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you Kirumi. So let's go back to the others alright?”

He forgave her.. just like that.. what a minute others?

“Do you mean.. Kaeda and Rantaro are here?”

He nodded

“Yup it seems they have been watching out for us. I'd be rude to keep them waiting ya know.”

She stood back up straight and looked down at Ryoma with a small smile

“I suppose you are right, we shouldn't keep them waiting.”

And she grabbed his small but powerful hand in hers and he lead her to where the others were waiting

Trial 3

I'm so sorry I failed you sister

That was the only thought that echoed throughout his mind as the world began to turn black

He couldn't do it, he couldn't send her 100 friends

And then his pain dissapeared and his vision returned

“HIYAAAAAAAAAH!”

Actually no now the pain has returned as something kicked his chest sending him down to the ground

“Nyahahaha! I think you were a bit harsh on him~”

That voice!

He opened his eyes to see his two victims, Tenko and Angie standing in front of him

Angie had a small smile on her face as she looked down at him while Tenko just huffed

“He did kill us you know!”

“Forgive and forget, that is what Atua is telling me!”

As the two argued he got back up and looked around

Clouds, clouds were everywhere the eye could see bathed in a golden light

“Are we perhaps in the afterlife?”

He questioned the arguing duo

Angie smiled at him and nodded her head

“Yup, yup! Isn't it wonderful!”

Tenko crossed her arms

“Yes it would be wonderful if we weren't dead! At least I can watch Himeko from up here..”

His eyes widen

“So we can watch what happens to the others from up here facsionating.... Urgh!”

He held his head as pain started to form from within it

Tenko looked down at him with a sigh before doing something he would never expect, she helped  him up

“The head pain is normal it seems from what the others tell us it's your lost memories returning to you.”

She drapped his arm around her shoulder as she helped him up

“Ooooh! That's right the others are waiting for you Korekiyo! We should go meet them!”

Angie exclaimed as she grabbed his other arm to help him up

He couldn't understand why they were helping him.. he just murdered them in cold blood and now here they were helping him

“Why...?” 

Tenko just looked away from him so Angie was the one who answered

“Because we are friends silly! Besides it's not your fault you killed us!”

And with that the two girls helped him walk to where the others were waiting

Trial 4

Gonta was crying

Even as the pray mantis stabbed him

Even as the fire was burning him alive he was crying

He just could not believe..

He.. he killed Miu..

So when the pain stopped and it seemed he was no longer being held up he simply fell to his knees sobbing

“Hey idiot! What are you crying for! If anything I should be the one bawling my eyes out not you!”

He opened his eyes to see Mui standing right in front of him, her hands on her hip as she glared down at him

“Mui! But.. Gonta thought..” He stood up in shock

“Yeah well you did strangle the shit out of me if that's what your thinking. But hey now we're both dead.”

So he did..

Gonta couldn't stop the wail that escaped him as he pulled Mui into a tight hug

“Hiiieeeeh!”

Mui was not expecting this one bit as she gave a startled reaction

“Gonta so sorry! Gonta not gentleman at all! Gonta don't know why he did it!”

“A-alirght! I get i-it now put me the fuck down!”

Mui yelled and he complied but as he did a strong pain flowed into his head

His hand clutched his head as the pain continued to throb

“Aaand there's the memory pain huh?

Mui stated to Gonta's confusion

“Memory?”

Mui brushed him off and sighed

“Anyways get up you big lump the others are waiting for us.”

“Others?”

“The other bozos who died, you still remember them right? So hurry up and let's go!”

With that she got up and began walking away

“H-hey! Wait for Gonta!”

And with that he followed her

Trial 5

Kaito couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips

He did it, he saw space..

And in some way be managed to beat Monokuma

But as his world faded away he heard something he never expect to hear again

“Nishishishishi~”

He opened his eyes wide in surprise to see Kokichi standing in front of him

And on instinct he slugged him straight in the kisser

“Owww! You see me again after killing me and you decide to punch me? I guess I kinda deserve it though”

Kokichi rubbed his jaw as Kaito looked around

“Where.. where are we?”

“Welcome to the afterlife Kaito~” Kokichi announced smiling at the confused Kaito

“W-what?”

“I mean how else would you get to speak to me. I was squished remember~” Kokichi giggled at his stun face. “Anyways at least you got the last laugh on Monokuma riiiiight.”

“Yeah I guess..”

Kaito rubbed his neck awkwardly as he looked around.

Clouds were everywhere.. were they in the sky?

“Hey Ko-”

“Anyways as much as I would love to answer all of your dumb questions, the others are waiting for you!”

Before Kaito could question him his head began to throb

“Ow.. he-”

“Aaaand there's the headache~”

With that statement Kokichi grabbed the confused Kaito's arm and began to drag him forward despite his protests

Trial 6

Tsumugi didn't expect anything to happened as she was crushed

Kiibo was just happy that he managed to help the other survivors escape 

So when they both woke up to see clouds everywhere they had no idea what happened

Kiibo took a step away from Tsumugi, glaring at her slightly

“What have you done now? Where are we?”

Tsumugi merely sighed

“I don't know... this wasn't a part of the plan but I understand why you don't believe me.”

Kiibo opened his mouth to speak but stopped as he saw a figure approach

“Well well... welcome to the afterlife you two.” Rantaro drawled out as he looked at the two

Tsumugi paled and took a step back while Kiibo's eyes widen

“R-rantaro but you..” Kiibo stopped talking as he realized what happened “Is this a form of afterlife?”

Rantaro nodded

“Everyone's waiting for you two you know... don't know why they decided to send me”

“E-everyone... they want t-to meet me for.. revenge right?” Tsumugi stuttered out

Rantaro sighed and ruffled his hair

“Sure some of us are angry.. which is understandable.. but.. most of us just want to talk..” Rantaro trailed off and looked away

Kiibo moved forward ready to meet the other students but Tsumugi remained where she was

Rantaro smiled and Kiibo and began to walk him towards the others but then he stopped and turn towards Tsumugi

“Take your time.. I understand why you don't want to meet the others right now.. but we'll be waiting for you.”

And with that they both walked away leaving Tsumugi with her thoughts

[mistakesarebeingmade-blog]

Sorry this is so late! I wrote an 8000 word angst Bakudeku fan fiction for @otaku-1325  

Participating in @boku-no-secret-santa was so much fun!! I hope this writing is what you were looking for!

Words: 8184

Includes swearing 

Possible typos

No Quirks AU // This fic is slightly inspired by Your Lie in April. If you don’t know what that it, I suggest you watch it with tissues. If you do, well, you have an idea of what’s coming. Enjoy!! (This story is in Bakugou’s point of view)

Silence — A BakuDeku fanfic

-·- silence (n.) — the complete absence of sound | Origin — Middle English: from Old French, from Latin silentium, from silere ‘be silent.’ -·-

“Local piano competition on Wednesday, March 15,” I read to myself.

   Lately, I’ve have had nothing to do. All of my friends have plans and I’m either stuck at home (ugh) or trying to find some bullshit thing to do. I decided to look at the “Upcoming Events” bulletin board at the school as a last resort. The flyer for the piano competition was just the first thing I pulled off the board. I don’t give a shit about piano but anything is better than nothing.

   March 15th is tomorrow. I call my mom to tell her that I have plans.

   “Did you call to tell me that you’re moving out, Katsuki?” she answered. I know, she’s great.

   “No, I have plans for tomorrow so I’m not trapped in the house all fucking day,” I tell her.

   “Language! Also, good for you. You got a life. What is it?”

   “A piano competition…” I mumble, already knowing her response.

   “Katsuki! Oh my fucking God! You really have run out of ideas!” I heard her laughing hard in the background. “Hope you have a great time.” And with that, she hung up, but I swear I could still hear her.

   Well now I’m definitely going and I will have a fucking good time to prove that old hag wrong, I promised myself.

   I just hope that I have a good time or I risk my mother making fun of me further.

   -· We’re all strange and maybe we don’t wanna change ·-

   I decided to wear a black collared shirt with black jeans. They wear the least… death related clothing in my closet. My mother was smirking as I left the house.

   I arrived at the competition just as it began. I was handed a program with the name and order of the contestants. They were all going to play the same piece of music, Chopin something or other. While looking over the list, I recognized a couple of names. They were Kirishima Enjiro and Midoriya Izuku. Kirishima is one of my friends and he told me that he was going to some shitty party, not this. I would make sure to confront him about it later.

   Midoriya is a whole other damn story. We were childhood friends. At first, it was because my mom made me, but he was a really good friend. Midoriya Izuku was loyal, trustworthy, honest, and kind. It was like I won the fucking lottery with him. He’s played the piano for a long time and has always been very good. However, he was eventually considered “uncool”. My more popular friends pushed Izuku away. They gave him the nickname Deku and that stuck. I still call him that, if need be. I see that it hurts him but I have a reputation to uphold. It’s already rocky after coming out as a flaming homosexual. If I was thought to have more than negative feelings towards him, then I’d be ruined. It’s horrible, yes, but that’s the way my mind works.

   Anyway, the competition was starting and I made my way to the auditorium. The first person up was some damn rich kid. I’d never heard of him before. His playing was relatively dull and unoriginal. I nearly fell asleep.

By the second performance, I was asleep. I woke up when a more interesting version of the musical piece was being played. It had harder and louder tone to it. When I looked at who was playing, I was not surprised to see Kirishima at the piano. All eyes went to him. It was amazing, surprisingly, and I sat on the edge of my seat.

Next was the last performance and obviously the other fan favorite, Midoriya Izuku. When he walked on stage, he looked much different from the last time I saw him (two weeks ago). His green hair was a little longer and reflected the light from the ceiling. He wore a suit tailored specifically for him, which fit perfectly. His bright, green eyes glowed from the excitement. He fucking belonged on that stage and we all knew it.

When he sat down at the piano bench, the auditorium went dead silent. We held our breath waiting for Izuku to play the first note. When he did, it sounded so different from everyone else. It was the exact opposite of Kirishima’s performance. These notes were gentle. They were like walking through Japan in a place where the cherry blossoms are in full bloom and you can have all the beauty to yourself.

The notes also told a story. Izuku transformed the song from something dull into a story of his life. They told of a happy, humble start in a simple but beautiful setting. They then moved onto a slightly more excited and nervous tone. There was also a bit of joy in there. It felt like the early school days or maybe a really good friend. They stayed here for a while. Some people were getting noticeably antsy as they awaited the next part of the story.

The next part of the story took a dark turn. They suddenly became the opposite of the earlier happy sounds. Something big and life-changing happened in the story. Maybe the main character lost someone they really cared about? The song was almost done before the tone shifted again. This time it felt like the story’s character was lost without anyone to really hold onto. When I took a look at the people around me, I saw tears in their eyes. I looked over at Izuku. He looked ready to bawl. Then I left something wet on my face. My first thought was rain. My second was that this is an enclosed room. My third was the realization that I, too, was crying.

And, finally, the story (or song, rather) ended. I craved more but could feel that there was none more. That was all of the story so far. Then, I thought back to Izuku’s face as he played the ending of the song. A sudden realization shocked me. This story is his.

Everyone went to their feet while applauding Izuku, as did I. He deserved it. He bowed and waved at the audience. We still clapped. I could see him blushing, even under the bright stage lights. He was proud to have made such an impact on so many people. Some threw flowers onto the stage for him. He picked them up and walked off the stage.

The person I went to see first after the competition was Kirishima. He had more explaining to do and didn’t seem horribly busy (well, he was but I scared them off).

“B-Bakugou! I didn’t know that you liked piano music!” he stuttered. I laughed and elbowed him in the ribs.

“I didn’t until today. You and Izuku left quite the impression,” I tell him.

“Midoriya was so amazing! The way he captivated the audience every step of the way is something I wish I could do. Did you know that he’s been playing since he was three?”

“Yeah. I have a question for you though. Why did you lie about a party, hair for brains?” I gave him my best evil eye.

“Um, well, you see… I wanted to sound cool?”

I rolled my eyes. “Your playing was goddamn manly enough. Now go talk to your fans. I have another fucking person to talk to.”

I left Kirishima to his fans and made my way through the sea of people surrounding Izuku. I tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention. When he saw me, I swear he jumped twenty feet. I chuckled slightly at his reaction.

“Kacchan! Wha-What are you doing here?” he stammers. I notice how he still calls me the name he’s called me since we were little. I find the thought fact comforting.

“Watching people play the piano. You did pretty fucking decent, Deku,” I say without realizing what I’ve called him. He winces but keeps smiling.

“Thank you…” he mumbles. He puts his head down.

“What the hell is wrong? Is everything alright with your mom?”

He looks back up at me. “Huh?” I don’t think he expected me to ask such a personal question after I had bullied him for years.

“Well? Are you ok?” I urge.

“Yes, if it makes you happy. Why do you care, Kacchan? You’ve tormented me for years and now you decide to be pleasant? I’m terrified to face you,” he admits. His words stung, but I deserved that.

“Look around, Izuku. Do you see those people that used to follow me around?” I asked. He looked around.

“No, you left them behind when you got accepted to the high school we attend. What’s the purpose of this?”

“I was cruel to you because those assholes made me. They were the ones that came up with that nickname of yours that I accidentally called you. I never wanted to stop being your friend and I chose popularity over you.” Next, I am going to say the hardest words for me to say, as I’d been raised differently. “I’m sorry.”

Izuku stared at me with a blank look on his face. We stood in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “How do I know that you’re being truthful? I assume that you realized that the way I played the piano tonight described my life, but did you know that part of the dark and desolate section was about when I lost you?”

It was like a dagger through the heart with the way he said that. I knew that I caused him pain but not to the point where he felt so strongly that he could include in a piece of music.

“I didn’t know. Please meet me at the café a couple of blocks from here so I can try and prove myself to you,” I finally said.

He shook his head. “No, Kacchan. I can’t afford another loss. I’ve grown since then. Maybe if you can prove yourself around other people at school, then I might take another chance on you. If not, then you must learn to say goodbye. Oh, and one more thing. I won’t allow you to call me by my first name either until I can trust you again. Have a nice day.”

And then he went back to the people wanting to talk to him about his playing, acting like nothing had happened.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I spun around ready to slap them when I saw that it was just Kirishima.

“Bad day?” he asks me.

“Shitty Hair, don’t sneak up on me!” I yell.

“Sorry! But honestly, how are you? Your conversation with Midoriya didn’t seem to go very well.”

“It was fucking  -f- fine! I don’t want to talk about it and if you’ll excuse me, I need to go home and have a nap or five. See you tomorrow.”

-· I’ll be a dreamer ‘till the day I die ·-

I had a nightmare that night. In it, I was a child again. Midoriya was there, too. He had scratches on his knees and hands from when I pushed him on the ground.

“Stupid Deku! You can’t do anything right! Why did I let you around me for so long? My friends are right; you’ll never be more than Deku,” I had said to the sniffling boy.

He looked up at me with the most broken expression. Tears filled his eyes as he spoke just one word to me: “Why?” Midoriya ran off somewhere after that.

I backed into the looming shadows of our elementary school. I looked down at my hands and saw a blood red color start to envelop my body. I screamed and tried to get rid of it, but it wouldn’t leave. I tried calling for the people I called friends, but they just started laughing at me. I tried calling for Midoriya in the end. When he came, the red shadow disappeared but one word was left etched into my skin: why.

My mom yelled at me when I woke up screaming. “It’s three am, Katsuki! Some of us still want to get some damn sleep!”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of cereal and watched reruns of old shows until it was time to get ready for school.

Before I left to go to school, I asked my mom something that has been in the back of my mind since talking to Midoriya yesterday.

“Is the Midoriya family doing ok?”

My mom looked at me with a quizzical expression. “What makes you ask that? You haven’t shown a shred of interest in their family since you started bullying Izuku.”

“I was just something he said that has me concerned. He was performing at the piano competition and I talked to him for a little while,” I replied.

“He’s still doing piano even after Inko’s death? Damn, the kid has balls. He still—” I cut her off.

“Excuse me? His mom died and you didn’t tell me?” I shouted. My mom’s face flushed red.

“Shit! I forgot that you didn’t know…” she mutters.

“When?” I demanded.

“It was not too long after I got the second report of you bullying, so around five years ago in September?”

The second report of bullying happened not long after the first. That means that Midoriya’s mom died around when I started bullying him. That just made me feel even worse and further encouraged me to prove myself to him. I ran to the school so I could I could think of ideas.

There weren’t very many people there when I arrived. The only person that I was close to was Kaminari, and he was busy doing late homework. The only people here that could help me with this Midoriya situation are Todoroki and Uraraka. I walked up to them, careful not to look threatening (not easy).

“Uh, hi, Bakugou. What are you doing here?” Uraraka asked me.

“I need advice,” I admitted flat out. “It’s about Midoriya. You see, I need to prove myself trustworthy to him, which will be difficult. It’ll be even harder seeing as how his mom died soon after I started bullying him. I watched him play piano in a competition yesterday, and he poured his heart and soul into the piece. He told a story that couldn’t be expressed through words. Do you understand what I mean by any of that?”

They look at each other with a confused expression and shrug.

Todoroki says, “That won’t be easy. I haven’t been close to Midoriya for a long time, but I’ve seen how he can get when he’s upset. Depending on what it is, it could be really easy or really hard to make him feel happy again. It also has a lot to do with what he wants. If Midoriya doesn’t want anything to do with you, then that’s that. If he secretly hopes for you to come back, it will be easier only by the slightest. What you did was beyond forgiving, in my opinion.”

It’s Uraraka who speaks next. “I agree with Todoroki. You’re not a great person by any means but I have high hopes for you. I also have something else to add and it’ll probably help you out the most. Midoriya really likes it when people have physical, face-to-face conversations. If you can’t manage one of those, then try to do small gestures. They don’t have to be to only him, too. Prove you’ve changed by helping out everyone. Well, maybe not Mineta, but you get my point. Good luck, Bakugou.”

I walked away from them and sat down angrily at my desk. I tried to dissolve into the background and forget that I am here. I listened to small conversations between friends, Iida yelling at someone, and grape head being a pervert become one sound in the back of my head. I closed my eyes and let sleep engulf my conscious.

A loud bang woke me up suddenly. I drowsily looked around to see where it came from and saw Aizawa standing before, a blank expression on his face.

“Would you care to explain why you’re sleeping in my class, Bakugou? I’m the only one allowed to do that,” he said, monotone as usual.

“I was spacing out and I must have dozed off. Oops,” I answered, acting like my old self. I looked around and saw Midoriya shaking his head.

“Uh…I mean, I’m sorry. I should’ve been paying attention. It’s my fault,” I correct myself.

The classroom goes silent and everyone has a shocked look on their face, even Aizawa. Midoriya looks slightly proud of me, I think. It’s hard to tell with that tone of face. He marks something down in one of his notebooks.

“That’s fine. Um,” Aizawa is at a loss for words, still shocked by my apology. “Just pay attention.”

After class is dismissed, I try to think of my next good deed of the day. Ok, those words do not fit me. ‘My next good deed’? Really? Is this what I’ve succumbed to? I’m trying so hard to get Midoriya back that I’m willing to risk all that I’ve worked to get. And why? Why do I care so much about him? I just shrug off the feeling and focus of the task at hand.

I decide to help Jirou, a person I’ve never talked to more than once, carry all of her things to lunch. She was really shocked and apprehensive at first, but when she saw that I meant well, she let it go. It’s kind of a relief when people stop being scared of you. You don’t have to work so hard 24/7 to keep up the appearance. Now, I’m just like the rest of the side characters.

After helping Jirou, I go sit at my usual table with Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero, and Mina. They joke around about Kirishima’s piano skills (I regrettably told them). Though Kirishima is laughing along with them, his eyes say that he doesn’t like it. I saw yesterday that he is truly passionate about the piano. It was his one escape and I spoiled it for him. I spoke up.

“Hey, dumbasses, how would you like if someone you considered a friend made fun of you for your one true passion? Like you, Mina. How would you feel if someone made fun of your love of aliens and conspiracy theories?”

She stops talking and looks at me. “Pretty shitty, not gonna lie. Aliens are my life!”

I wasn’t done yet. “And Sero? You love Spiderman and used to want to be just like him. I’ve seen your room and you still love him. What if you were bullied for that?”

It was his turn to look slightly confused. “Bad? Regret? I don’t know, but it wouldn’t be happy, I guess.”

Lastly, I turned to Kaminari. “You like Pokémon, specifically Pikachu, and have a fear of water. What if that was leaked?”

Kaminari, despite being a little slow, caught on to what I was doing. “Not good. I see what you mean.” He turns back to a confused Kirishima. “Sorry, bro. I didn’t think about what the piano might mean to you.”

Mina nods enthusiastically. The other had two finally caught on. “I’m really sorry, Kiri! I wasn’t thinking!”

“Me too. We all have our passions and yours is piano. That’s not a reason to joke. I’m sorry,” Sero finished. The three brought Kirishima into a bear hug.

Kirishima, being the emotionally unstable teenage boy he is, burst out into tears. He met my eyes and I just shrugged with a smirk on my face as if saying, ‘Don’t worry about it.’ I looked over and saw Midoriya writing more in his notebook. He glanced in my direction and smiled.

I met up with Midoriya after school. He wasn’t talking to any of his friends so I found the time appropriate.

“You did good today. They loved you,” he says. “Especially the whole thing with Kirishima. Now that was good. Who knew Bakugou Katsuki was such a great peacemaker, problem-solver, and just an all-around good person at heart?” Midoriya chuckles.

I looked around. “Don’t say stuff like that out loud!” I continued in a quieter voice, “I didn’t really try that hard with Kirishima. That was instinct. When one of my friends are hurting, I have to fix the problem immediately. He’s my best friend, as well,” I admitted. Midoriya smiled.

“That’s a good thing, Kacchan. You have a real capability of not being mean. You’ve impressed me today. I have to admit, when Aizawa woke you up, I was expecting a full-blown rage attack. Instead, you acted maturely. I took notes on all that you did and now I’m pleased to admit that I accept your café offer from yesterday! I’ll see you there in three hours.”

I actually smiled a bit. “I was going to ask you, actually,” I respond.

“I know. That why I did it.” Midoriya smirks and walks off to join Todoroki, Iida, and Uraraka. They all looked happy together and I was jealous of such a put together friendship, compared to my mess. Don’t get me wrong, I love those little shits, but they can be a real nuisance. They’re like hyperactive puppies that you need to train or else. I don’t even know how I got with them. I guess it mostly has to do with the sports festival earlier this year. After that, we were like best friends.

Anyway, enough about them. I think I’m getting my next chance with Midoriya. That’s exciting, I hope. But also not too exciting. I don’t want to die.  

Later that day, he texted me saying that he was ready to go to the café. I told my mom that I was going out and took the bus there.

When I arrived, Midoriya was taking a few pills but I thought nothing of it. It was probably vitamins. He quickly put them away when he saw me, then waved me over with that dumb smile on his face.

“Hi, Kacchan. How are you?” he asked.

“Eh, fine, I guess. You?” I answered. At this point, we’re just stalling the real reason we’re here today.

“Could be better. Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?”

“Sure. You believe that I proved myself to you.”

“Yeah. I’m willing to forget about the past if you are. We’ll reset, in other words. This time, however, it’ll be without the bullying, the name-calling, and the backstabbing, deal?” His face remained neutral but his eyes begged for this. He wanted me to be the person from the good parts of his childhood again. No, it’s more than want; he needs me. Though he may have Iida, Uraraka, and Todoroki, they didn’t know him at his worst. I did, mainly because I added to it.

“I accept.”

And like magic, we started over right then and there.

“Hello, I’m Midoriya Izuku, but call me Izuku. Pleased to meet you,” he greets with a usually cheery smile. We really are starting all over then, huh? I agreed so I better go along.

“I’m Bakugou Katsuki. Call me whatever the fuck you want. Do like coffee or tea more?” I asked.

“A green tea, thanks. I drink coffee solely for the purpose of energy. It’s disgusting. It tastes like a fruit gone rotten to the point where the fruit is gone. That’s an exaggeration but you get it!” Izuku laughs softly. I buy him his green tea and get a black coffee for myself. He makes a face at me when I tell him what I got for myself. I truly laughed for the first time in a while.

“What do you like to do, Kac— Um, is it alright if I call you Kacchan? If you don’t, that’s ok,” Izuku mumbled.

“You could call me something weird like dandelion and I wouldn’t care,” I tell him.

“Ok! You’re Dandelion now!”

I spit out the coffee I was drinking. “I-I was joking! It was an example! Please don’t call me that near my friends…”

Izuku laughs at how nervous I am. “I’ll just call you Kacchan then. Or maybe Lion or Dandy. Oh, Dandy! I like that!” He throws a sugar packet at me. “You’re so serious, Dandelion.”

I opened up my coffee cup and poured a bit into Izuku’s tea. He gasps loudly. “Well shit. My bad,” I say with a smirk.

“That’s mean! I was thirsty!” he complains.

“Then drink it. Use sugar or cinnamon or creamer to tone down the coffee flavor, if you want,” I suggest.

While he pouts, I try to remove as much coffee taste as possible with only sugar packets, cinnamon sticks, and five different creamer flavors (hazelnut, French vanilla, milk, chocolate, and strawberry, for those who care). Eventually, I got a brown liquid that didn’t resemble coffee, tea, or anything anyone should consume. I showed it to Izuku and his eyes lit up.

“Finally! A drink to match my soul.” Then he took a large gulp only to spit it everywhere afterward. “That was awful! It tasted like milky, really watered down, chocolate strawberry coffee. In other words, like something you’d make.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, fuck you. Anyway, you were asking me a question before your tea rudely interrupted. What was it?”

“Oh, yeah! What do you like to do for fun?”

Fun? I know the meaning of the word but don’t remember having it. “That’s when you smile and laugh or just enjoy yourself, right?”

Izuku gasped. “Dandelion! Do you not know what fun is?” He said this like it was a crime.

I was a little scared to answer. “Uh…No? Being angry is kind of my thing. If I was seen smiling and having fun and shit like that, I would be fucking murdered.”

“Not by your new friends, you won’t. They respect you! I promise that it’ll be ok. Come on, I’m taking you to the arcade.” Izuku stood up and began cleaning up the table.

I joined him and said, “This is 2023, not 1980, Izuku.”

He looked me dead in the eyes. “Do I look like I give a damn, Dandy? My mom taught me to be open-minded about all eras so I went to the vintage arcade. It turned out to be really fun. My mom said that she loved to go to them when she was a kid. We used to go together before…”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry. We can just go somewhere else?” I offered so Izuku didn’t have to talk about his mom anymore that he just did.

“No, no. We’re going and you won’t regret this. I will crush you at Pac-Man and Galaga!” he looked so happy that I agreed.

Upon arrival, I noticed a surprising about of people our age. It’s like vintage was the new modern for some. I even noticed someone from school.

If possible, Izuku smiled even bigger. He turned to me and said, “This will be the best! Todoroki is an expert at arcade games!” Then he catches Todoroki’s eye and waves him over. Behind him is a woman who looks similar to him. “Todoroki! Kacchan doesn’t know what fun is so I’m going to show him. Do you want to help? Also, who’s that?”

“Hello, Midoriya and Bakugou. This is my sister Fuyami. We were visiting our mom earlier and decided to unwind and come here. I guess we’ll join you since we’re here.”

I swear you could kill a hundred people in front of him or even die and he wouldn’t change his emotion.

Izuku pumps his fist into the air and pulls me over to the game called Pac-Man. It was obviously one of his favorites. He hands me a couple of coins.

“What the hell is this for? Do you want a fucking snack?” I asked, completely serious. The others burst out laughing, exception Todoroki, who just smiled a little.

The one called Fuyami spoke. “So you have the coins, yes? Do you see the little slot on the front of the machine? Put the coins in there.”

I did as I was told. “Now what?”

“Do you see the yellow ‘start’ button? Press it then grab the joystick. Once you hear the music start, move the yellow pie and eat the white dots. Make sure to avoid the colorful ghosts because they cause you to lose a life. You only have three. The big white dots turn the ghosts blue and you’re able to eat them for extra points then. If you see a fruit, eat it. Does that make sense?”

I nodded and went over the instructions she gave me. I pressed the start button and began making the little yellow shit eat white dots. It was actually kind of fun. A cherry appeared on screen so I began moving the yellow thing to it, not really paying attention to the things around it. Then, Izuku and Fuyami began yelling at me to turn around. One of the little blobs was coming right for me. I didn’t move fast enough and lost a life.

“That’s ok. You have two more. You can do this, Kacchan!” Izuku yelled. I smiled to myself and began again.

After that first failure, I began to get the hang of it. I finished up the first level in no time. The second and third level went even quicker. Izuku cheered me on.

Before we knew it, I was on level 50. A small crowd had gathered around me at this point. They all cheered me on despite not knowing my name. It was exhilarating. It was…fun. I did my best for all of these strangers but mostly for this small, green-haired boy right next to me.

I had reached level 114 very quickly. I had only one life left at this point but it didn’t fucking slow me down. I wonder if this was how arcades were forty years ago?

Izuku was bouncing up and down as I progressed further. He was happier than I was. I found the thought comforting.

I was nearing the final level when something went terribly, horribly wrong. I don’t know if it was the excitement or something else entirely, but Izuku collapsed. The people gathered around me looked very concerned. I yelled for Todoroki to call an ambulance. The background dissolved into nothingness as I panicked and tried to find out what could’ve gone wrong. Maybe it was the pills from earlier. Did they do something to his insides? Or was it an existing condition? Whatever it was, I hated it and it needed to die.

I convinced the EMTs to let me go to the hospital with Izuku because his mom was dead and his dad had disappeared years ago. I couldn’t focus the whole way there. I was too busy worrying about Izuku and what might happen. I tried asking an EMT what was wrong with him but they wouldn’t listen to me. I decided to call my mother instead.

“What?” she answered with.

“It’s Izuku. He collapsed while we were at that old arcade. I’m in the ambulance going to the hospital with him now. I might not be home for awhile,” I explained.

There was silence for a while. “I’m joining you there. Izuku is like a second son to me and I haven’t seen him since Inko died. I’ll meet you there, Katsuki,” she said before hanging up. Well, I didn’t plan for her to come, but if she wants to, that’s fine. I don’t really care.

When we arrived, there was chaos. I remember being told to sit in the waiting room, so I did. At some point, my mom arrived. One of the teachers from the school did as well. He is like a hero to us so the school dubbed him ‘All Might’ (after a famous comic book character). I don’t think anyone knows his real name.

I felt the presence of someone near me so I looked up. It was All Might. He asked me, “Bakugou, was there anything that might have caused this? Even the smallest detail would help.”

I took a breath. “There was a lot of excitement before he passed out.” I hesitated on the next part. It wasn’t any of my business but this could mean more than I think. “I also saw him take some pills earlier today. I don’t know what kind or how many but they were in the orange prescription pill bottle. That’s all I can think of. Sorry…”

He pats me on my back. “Thank you. Midoriya is like a son to me and it would destroy me if he was to die. I’ll go tell the doctors what you told me.”

I’m left in silence after that. My mother sits near me but says nothing. What is there to say?

Hours pass with no information. I periodically ask for anything but they won’t say. They’re actually trying to find any of Izuku’s living relatives right now. I imagine it’s not easy. His mom’s dead, his dad’s gone, and he never mentioned any grandparents, aunts or uncles, cousins, or anyone else really. I expected that they would turn to either All Might or my mother next.

When night falls, there’s a glimmer of hope. A nurse approaches my mom and me and says, “We were unable to locate any remaining relatives of Midoriya Izuku. How close are the two of you to him?”

“Well, he came over to my home many times in his youth when his mom had to work. My son is a close friend of his from childhood to now,” my mom answers. The nurse nods in response and beckons for us to follow her.

She takes us to Izuku’s room and then tells us his condition. “He’s stable now. Midoriya collapsed from exhaustion. We’ve been running tests and found that he has a form of—” A buzzer sounded at this moment. “Excuse me,” she says before rushing into the room.

“Well, that fucking blows,” my mom states.

“That Izuku is waking up?” I questioned, looking at her, puzzled.

“What? No. That she didn’t get to tell what’s wrong with Izuku.”

“Actually, I don’t think that he wants anyone to know. When I saw him taking pills earlier, he hid them when he noticed me. I don’t think he wants anyone to worry about him.”

“The boy is so nice, I’ll believe that. Oh, yeah. Isn’t his next piano thingy in a couple of weeks?”

The thought had completely left me. Izuku loves the piano and I know that he’s hate to miss this. “I forgot. I’m sure he’ll be fine by then. The preliminary is over and he’s going directly to the semi-finals because of how he ranked.”

The nurse exits the room now. She looks at me. “Midoriya would like to talk to you.”

I enter the room not knowing what to expect. Would he be mad at me? Sad? Have tubes coming out of his body?

“Dandelion!” Izuku says as soon as I close the door behind me. He’s sitting up in bed with a wide grin on his face. Seeing him like this makes me happy and my heart dance.

“You fucking scared me, you piece of shit!” I half-yell while walking over to him.

Izuku laughs. “Whoops! Guess that was a bit too much excitement, huh?”

“Hey, I was winning and you decided to steal my spotlight, fucker,” I replied with a smirk.

“Eh, fair enough. So are you just gonna keep standing there or can I kiss you? I’m sure you feel the tension as much as I do.”

I wasn’t even thinking about it until he mentioned it. I could feel it. Ever since we were young, I had felt that I liked him a bit differently than I liked other people. I was young, so I didn’t think much of it. When I really turned against him in middle school, I partially did it because I found out why I felt so weird around him. I liked him. I hated myself for it. The people I was around condemned that sort of thing so I thought I was doing something bad. I repressed my feelings for Izuku for a few years. Then, all of a sudden, we were having drinks at a café and my feelings came back stronger than ever, yet I still repressed them. And now we’re here, in a hospital room, facing a huge decision.

Do I risk the awkward moments afterward or not agree and never mention this again? What does Izuku want? What do I want? What do we want?

Izuku patiently waits for my answer. It’s not like he’ll be leaving anytime today. I carefully think over the pros and cons of both choices. I decide that one has very little compared to the other. I approach him.

Now, before I do this, let me say that I have a lot to risk and a lot to gain from this. It could be either the best or worst moment in my life but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

I reach the side of Izuku’s bed and grab his hand. He knows my choice and smiles. I choose him. I lean closer and—

“Midoriya! Are you ok? We— Bakugou? What are you doing here?” It’s Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki, of-fucking-course. Can’t the universe let me have one moment without fucking it up?

I jump back and act like we were just having a nice discussion before they came barging in. “Hello, have you heard of, um, fucking knocking?” I yelled.

“I told you it would be rude to rush in, Uraraka!” Iida said.

She scratches the back of her neck. “Well, uh, I thought it’d be a fun surprise! And…um…surprise?” Todoroki throws confetti from God knows where.

“Thank you! I love this! My best friends are all here! But knock next time, ok?” Izuku smiles to show that he is unbothered. I immediately feel uncomfortable. These people aren’t my friends. I don’t know shit about them. I begin walking to the door to give the four privacy. Izuku is the only one who would want me there, anyway.

“Dandy? Where are you going? Do you have to be somewhere?”

“Sort of, but—” I start saying.

“Let him go, Midoriya. He’s an ass,” Iida announced.

I look back at Midoriya. His eyes plead for me to stay but I know I can’t. I’m no longer welcome. The only one of them who may have stood up for me alongside Izuku is Todoroki because he saw how I was earlier, but he stayed out of it.

“I’ll text you later,” I said before leaving and shutting the door behind me. There’s only silence as I walk home.

I don’t bother texting him later, either. I had my chance and I blew it. It wouldn’t be easy to explain what happened to Izuku. I don’t go to school Friday and stay home all throughout the weekend. I get many texts from my friends and a few from Midoriya but I don’t look at any of them.

My mom enters my room. “You can’t stay here forever, Katsuki.”

“Watch me,” I mumbled.

“It’s Sunday afternoon for Christ’s sake! You’ve been in here since Thursday evening and only left to use the toilet. You’re losing a bit of weight! I’m actually worried about you.”

“Thanks for caring, but can I please go back to isolating myself?”

“A few of your friends have come by asking for you. I told them that you were sick. You were even left a flower with a note.”

The flower part caught my attention. “Let me see,” I say. The only person who would give me a flower would be either Mina or Kaminari, both as a joke. She hands me the flower and note.

It’s the kind of flower, or weed, that catches my eye. It’s a dandelion. I unfold the note next. It reads as follows:

‘Dear Dandelion,

I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable at the hospital. Todoroki and I scolded Iida and Uraraka for their behavior. They apologized, but I know that it means very little to you.

I don’t know your mind as well as I would like to. You’ve changed since we were kids. We’ve both gone through a lot. I know you don’t do well around people and I should’ve made my friends realize that and given us our privacy. You left before I could go with you. I was discharged two hours after you left. I was mad at my friends for ruining what could have very well been the end of our beginning.

I’ve been texting you to try and go out on a date but you didn’t respond. Honestly, I got worried. I love my new friends and all but I’ve known you longer. If something were to happen to you, I might die. And I mean that in a literal sense.

Speaking of death, that nurse didn’t tell you about me, did she? I asked the hospital long ago not to tell my condition to anyone without my approval. I know that you know that something is wrong with me at this point. You saw me taking pills and saw me pass out. Those aren’t the actions of a healthy person. I would tell you but I hate to have people feel sorry for me. When my mom found out, she began spoiling me. Remember when I got a new game console? That’s why.

I’m writing a second letter to you that explains everything I’ve just told you in detail and other things. I hope you never have to read it.

Sincerely, Izuku Midoriya

P.S. I’ll be at the café at three pm on Sunday. If you don’t want to come, I won’t make you.

Three pm was thirty minutes ago! If I’m going to go, I better go now. I quickly change into a t-shirt and jeans and begin running to the café. If I’m lucky, I’ll make it before Izuku leaves. I’ll be there in about eight minutes at the rate I’m currently running at. I just hope that Izuku decided to wait an hour for me.

It’s nearly four when I arrive. I search the building for Izuku. When I don’t see him, I ask the barista if they’ve seen him and she said that he left ten minutes ago. I thank her and begin running to Izuku’s house (the only reason he still leaves there and not a foster home is because he lies about his dad).

When I get there, I frantically knock on the door. It wasn’t Izuku who answered, it was Uraraka.

“Oh! Hi. I thought you were Iida. We’re having a study session and… never mind. Um, come in!” she greets. I shove my way past her and run up to Izuku’s room. I swing open the door and he’s sitting on his bed. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Dandelion! You’re here!” he exclaims with a large grin. “I thought you died.”

I laugh nervously. “I’m fine now. I had just gotten really bad anxiety after the hospital. I got your note at 3:30.”

“I’m so sorry! Was it my fault? I should’ve been more considerate of your feelings before asking—”

I cut him off with a long overdue kiss and in that moment, everything was perfect. The world was made just for us. Izuku wasn’t sick, I never bullied him, and his mom never died. You know people always describe first kisses with someone is like fireworks? Yeah, fuck that. This was like the part on a roller coaster drops you: exhilarating, a little scary,.  but a lot of fun.

When I pulled away, I heard a familiar, commanding voice and a very feminine giggle. Izuku looked at the door and laughed. I turned to confirm my suspicions.

“It was Uraraka’s fault! She told me that we should check up on you but then she noticed your moment and watched! I apologize,” says Robot Nerd aka Iida.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I guess. But how could I not watch? You both looked so happy and peaceful and in love! I was going to take a picture to show your grandkids, but Iida said no,” Uraraka says with a pout.

This time, I don’t feel uncomfortable. Izuku can tell. He smiles at me and I smile back.

-· Oh, how the good die young ·-

It’s the day of Izuku’s next piano contest-recital-thingy. He’s going to play one of Bach’s musical things along with everyone else there. He told me that he wouldn’t play it as his story but instead, he would play for me. Nice things like this made me forget that Izuku would die one day.

Izuku put more emotion into this performance than his last one yet it was much more peaceful. The last one was the ocean but this one is a lake. This was tiring him out though. He was sweating and struggling to stay in tune but he managed. Watching was like magic.

When everything was done, I met with him in the foyer. Somehow, Izuku wasn’t as happy this time. He appeared scared. When I get near him, he hugs me tightly.

“I can’t do this, Dandelion! Toward the end, I thought I was going to pass out. The doctors gave me a brand new medication but it’s worse,” he says. When he looks up at me, tears are falling down his face.

“What? You were fine a few weeks ago!” I exclaim.

“That was before the collapse. Please, I... I don’t want to say anymore. I can’t have you feeling sorry for me as my mom had. It’s not good for you.”

“Ok. Alright. I just want us to be happy in the time we have.”

And we were.

Dear Bakugou Katsuki (aka Dandelion!!),

How are you? Probably not the best if you’re seeing this, I guess. I hope we had many good memories and I hope you keep them alive. I know that we had a rough history and that’s ok. We broke past that and into the future.

The best possibility is that you never read this and I’m cured. However, I know that can’t happen. The survival rate for what I have isn’t very high. I have (or had) terminal brain cancer. You probably wonder why I never had chemotherapy. Well, I did and was sick for days afterward. They didn’t do it again. I’ve passed out in the past, just never in front of a crowd. I know most of my nurses and doctors by name. That’s how often I go. There. That’s my sickness.

I wish I could’ve stayed with you longer. You’ve made me both the happiest and saddest person on Earth. Earth… This calls for a space analogy!

There are stars, galaxies, nebulas, planets, black holes, solar systems, and all kinds of things we don’t know about. I think of you as a nebula— beautiful, definitely dangerous, but a place for growing up and change. I consider myself a star— also beautiful but only from far away. Up close, you see that I’m dead. However, stars are “born” in nebulas. Before I met you, and I mean really met you, I was lost. I didn’t have a clue what to do with my life. Then, you changed that. You helped me feel normal again, if only for a short time. Remember the arcade? I hadn’t ever felt that alive.

Though we don’t have a future, we do have a past. We’ve laughed and cried together. I happen to find this nice. The future is a scary place full of many uncertainties; the past is forever. No one can ever take away our memories. Whenever you miss me or feel sad, think of those days. Don’t let them fade into nothingness. Keep them alive and I’ll never truly die. It’s like when people say that you’re never truly dead until you’re forgotten. I believe in that.

I don’t know what you’re going to do with your future. Maybe you’ll become someone who studies cancer or a father. Whatever you do, know that I support you all the way. I do ask one thing of you: live. I don’t mean “stay alive”, I mean live. Live each day as if it’s your last. Leave behind no regrets. Cause chaos, save people, party, enjoy yourself. Just live! That’s my one regret. I spent all my time in self-pity and the piano when I could have been just forgetting my sickness and living. You don’t have to do this!

Don’t let my legacy die and yours stop from existing.

Love, Izuku Midoriya  

https://youtu.be/Wpv-vGScrvU

[hanminbin]

Chapter 6

Hannah looked at the card in her hand. There was a number listed on the front.

She quickly dialed the number on her phone.

She heard a incoherent mumble on the other end. It sounded drowsy.

Hello? She heard the voice mumbled back.

Is this Dak-ho Jung? She asked, her fingers somehow trembling.

Yes. The voice finally uttered out, appearing to be hesitant to answer at first.

This is...Hannah Park. She spoke up.

------

The rain fell more heavily as Hannah waited in front of the small restaurant.

Rain? Whenever it rains like this, it reminds me of losing my parents. They lost control on that bridge that day. It hit the rail and went over. They said the car was engulfed in flames. Their bodies burned beyond recognition. They said that I was lucky to survive the accident. That I was fortunate to not sustain any serious Injuries. I can't even remember anything about it. Yet whenever I heard the rain like this, I start to become afraid. Why? She pondered silently.

Suddenly the bright flashing headlights in front of her disrupted her wandering thoughts.

The headlights belong to a luxurious sleek royal blue sports car.

It parked quickly along the side of the sidewalk, where she was standing.

The driver then got out. He looked different this time. Before he was dressed in a suit and tie and now, he wore a gray turtleneck and a leather black jacket, and ripped jean pants. The style was so unlike him, yet it somehow suited him.

He walked towards Hannah in long strides. His wet, black hair hanging over his eyes.

He finally stopped in front of her. His dark brown eyes appeared gloomy, with dark purple circles forming underneath them.

Mrs. Park? He answered.

Hannah lifted her face in confusion.

-----

She's isnt home yet. Chanyeol murmured to himself.

I'm worried. He said out loud, looking out the window.

He then walked over to his laptop and flipped it on.

He typed in Hannah's name in the search engine page.

Too many with that name. He chewed his lip, pouting.

He typed in Seoul, girl survives car accident 2004.

Nothing comes up, to his dismay. Frustrated, Chanyeol pounds his fists on the counter.

I hate this. Did they try to cover it up? He talks aloud again.

Let me try again. He thought, typing aggressively on his keyboard.

Finally a article pulls up. It looks familiar to him.

He clicks the link in curiosity.

Soon he staring back at their faces. Chairman of Park industries: Hyun Min Park and wife passed away in tragic, freak accident. Cause of a accident:speeding. Sole survivor: their daughter Hannah.

Hannah? Chanyeol whispers.

She looks like her mother. He blushes, turning away.

Does she? A voice whispers in his ear. It makes Chanyeol's hair stand up. He looks down at his arms. He has goosebumps.

Am I crazy now? He thought. He turned around, finding no one there.

This house is rather old, it must of been the wind. He mused quietly to himself, before returning to the screen in front of him.

Suddenly a loud crack of lightning can be heard from outside.

It is the sound of a storm coming in. The lights in the house flicker on and off and the computer has been shut off.

Now? He frowns. I'll have to check the electrical box.

He turns to walk away. He stops when he hears music streaming from the living area.

The melody is haunting, yet familiar to his ears. Its sweet, like a lullaby.

Chanyeol's heart is pounding now. He quickly pulls a long, sharp knife out of one of the kitchen drawers. He tip toes carefully to the alluring, melancholic music.

Who is it? He calls out in the darkness.

Suddenly the lights flicker back on and all that remains is the piano and the empty living room.

He walks towards the piano.

Did it this play? Impossible...He thought, touching the base and keys gently.

His eyes catch the portrait hanging above the fireplace. He somehow is entranced by it.

He hears glasses clinking and voices murmuring loudly in his ears. He hears classical piano music being played. He sees a couple dancing in the center of a huge room.

You remember, don't you? Somehow you do...A chilling voice utters behind him.

Chanyeol eyes flutter open in fear.

He turns around.

He points the knife up at the voice.

Are you upset? The voice replies coyly.

The man has his finger now on the tip of the blade.

The man has mischievous black eyes. Long dark wavy hair, which falls to his shoulders. He's dressed impeccably in a black suit. He licks his lips at Chanyeol's terrified reaction.

Who...who they hell are you? Chanyeol stuttered.

You don't recognize me? The man smiles, taunting him.

No. Don't come any closer! I warn you, I know how to defend myself!! He argued back, swinging the knife around madly.

Then why are you shaking so much? The man laughs wickedly, his eyes dancing with excitement.

You needn't be afraid of me, Sujoon. The man grinned. I won't hurt you.

Sujoon? My name is Chan.. He starts to say

The man chuckles at his reaction

Well who gives a damn who I am to you. I don't have to introduce myself. You...how did you get into my house?! He hollers back.

You're house? The mysterious man chuckled back, clearly amused.

You should be grateful I allowed you to stay here in the first place. He smiled at Chanyeol.

I bought this house rightfully so. So yes, it belongs to me! Chanyeol yells out in frustration.

Is that the way to treat your dear family? The man grinned. He is now holding up Chanyeol effortlessly in the air by the neck. Chanyeol drops the knife to the ground below him.

Family? Chanyeol repeated. Sweat collecting on his forehead.

The man laughed again, dropping him as Chanyeol fell to the ground in a thud. Chanyeol began to cough. You are nuts!

I erased your memories, just as you begged me to back then. The man explained.

Chanyeol moved backwards on the ground.

You're even frightened by me. I'm so disappointed. The man sighed.

Think...think long and hard Sujoon. The man whispered, staring down at him.

---

Hannah!! Let's go!!

Where are we going?! The little girl asked.

That was Baek hyeon back there? The girl answered back.

Don't follow that guy. He's dangerous. Do you hear me?! Ok?! He shouted at her, grabbing her by the shoulders roughly.

But he doesn't mean any harm. And didn't you ask if he wanted to play with us earlier? Why did you change your mind? Why do you act like you hate him? She breathed out, her eyes watering.

You shouldn't be here. You should've stayed home. He snapped back.

Why? Why do you two have to have all the fun? Aren't we all friends? She cried out.

Its not safe here, that's why. You wouldn't understand!!

How do you know?! She shouted back.

Because....because...we're not like you. We're different. That's why. He said out loud.

They were now standing outside in the garden.

How? She questioned him, raising her eyes in suspicion.

Its complicated. He mumbled under his breath.

Her eyes grew wide then, when she saw the smoke emerging from the back door.

Fire!!! There's a fire!! She blurted out.

Oh my father. My father is in there!! Hannah yepled, running towards the huge mansion. Her wrist got pulled back by Sujoon.

Let me go!! She fought back, biting on his arm before he released her.

Hannah. Please don't go!!He pleaded. He looked down at his arm and the bite mark was gone now.

He ran after her until she stopped in front of a room. She heard her fathers voice. He sounded drunk.

Father!! She almost screamed, running towards the entrance before Sujoon covered her mouth and held her back by the waist.

She saw a tall man then leaning over her intoxicated father.

His menacing purple eyes locking, as if with hers.

Please be quite. He'll hear you. He whispered back into Hannah's ear.

But dad...?she whispered.

Hide over there, please. He ordered, shoving her aside.

Why? Why...is my father with that man? She whined.

Go! He growled in a low voice, pushing her away, before slammed the door shut.

The tall man chuckled, amused by the boys frantic response. He looked up and pushed the dead man's body away

What fragile beings. The tall man uttered back in disgust.

So you saw me? The man frowned, ruffling his hair.

How could you? The boy squeaked out, dumbfounded at the scene.

What...? The tall man looked unbothered.

You promised me, you wouldn't abuse your power. You said you wouldn't kill them. How could you do it then?! The boy finished.

I had no other choice. The man replied.

Are....we just monsters? The boy whimpered.

Is that all we all are?! If it is...I hate it!! Little Sujoon bawled.

You despise what you are? Look, I didn't have to raised you. A simple half breed, who wasn't even supposed to be born. He growled in Sujoons ear, yanking his hair up. Sujoon grimaced in pain.

Do you think I'm fond of you? No. You're too weak. He muttered back, throwing him aside.

Sujoon crawled backwards away.

And yet, I took you in. I nursed you to health and gave you all the luxuries, desires of your heart and this how you treat me? Accept it. Your mother was nothing more than an ignorant fool, who fell in love with a mere human. Humans....they are nothing but our source for survival. So, you shouldn't associate with them any longer. I allowed you to be with that girl, thinking you would kill her someday. I thought it was a phase. But then.. I realized you became too attached to her.

Sujoon looked down in embarrassment.

I understand it too well. I kept one as a pet myself,until recently. She was incredibly beautiful and obedient. She never disobyed my orders. She always did as I told. I made a mistake though.

What? Sujoon breathes out.

I gave her too much freedom, as with you. I was too lenient. You know what they say, you give the hand, they'll take the whole arm?

Huh? Sujoon mumbled.

Why did I have to be so kind to her? Just because she was lonely and wanted a glimpse of her child? Hypocrites. He said, narrowing his eyes.

Suddenly Sujoon is thinking of that woman in that ball room with this same man lying on the floor.

Was it that at woman...you danced with? Was it her? Sujoon interrupted.

Was it her? He asked again, desperate to know.

The tall man sighed.

Where...is she? Sujoon questioned, eager to know. He should've known not to look, but he did. His eyes saw something in the corner of the room, past the man's dead body. It was lying on the bed.

Over there. The man pointed at the bed.

No! Sujoon wailed out, concealing his face. His eyes began to fill with tears.

Do you know who that woman was? He whispered.

Sujoon shook his head, trembling.

Do you want to know a secret? The man smirks.

You're mother. He mouthed out.

Sujoon's mouth fell open in horror.

Liar!!! He screamed back.

Well...she used to be your mother. He chuckled.

The man grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to stare. Look into her eyes. So lifeless. I didn't want to...Sujoon. But she left me with no other choice. She was so selfish. She just wanted to protect her other child. That's all she ever talked about.. The man complained.

Child...? Little Sujoon said, intrigued.

Oh you thought it was you, I was referring to? No. It was that girl, who you played with often.

Sujoon felt nauseated, he leaned over to vomit on the floor.

Oh don't tell me you actually liked her? Do you feel disgusted being related to her...? He perked up, staring into Sujoon's flabbergasted eyes.

Sujoon began to cough more at his response.

Kill me then. Sujoon pleaded in a breathless voice.

No. He told him in a icy voice.

I won't. I'll let you suffer. He told him.

Sujoon clung to his pants leg. I beg of you!!!

The man gave a sympathetic smile.

Please.... The boy cried out miserably.

You want me to? The man grinned, patting his head.

Ok, come here, then. I won't do it now but I'll make you forget. I'll erase your memories. You will live as an ordinary human. However your life will be very difficult compared to the others around you. You'll even become confused and distant, wondering what is wrong with you. But eventually, you will grow up into a man and remain the same for many years to come. And with every passing time, your memories from the past will lessen, until you no longer recall anything. On that day, I will come back to you.

----

Its lightning now. Hannah said to Dak-ho, looking out the window.

She was sitting in his car on the passenger seat.

The owner of the restaurant said that you wanted to see me.

Yes. I did. He sighed.

Is it in regards to the case I'm involved with?

Yes...He trailed off.

You're wondering if I remember anything from that night?

Do..you? He chimed in.

Hannah shook her head.

Are...are you still apart of it? She stuttered out.

No. He mumbled honestly, shaking his head.

Right...that man took over. Is this case really important to you?

He nodded his head.

I don't want it to happen again. He replied, looking down.

Again? She repeated.

Remember, I told you about how I had been trying to track him for years. But I wasn't so lucky to find him. He was always two steps ahead of me?

You said 50 years before....but you don't look that old? She answered.

Yes..that's because my father was once an investigator. I'm doing this for him. I'm not sure if you remember....or heard of it? It was before you were born , back in the 70's. It was televised nationally. It was in regards to Koreas known serial killer. The perpetrator had abducted and murdered them in the same fashion and dumped their bodies in the forest. My father was in charge of that case during that time. He was the one, who was looking for the murderer, even when the case turned up cold. He never got the chance to catch him. He unfortunately passed away 10 years ago, when I was 18. Dak-ho explained.

So you chose this occupation because you want to finish his work? She asked him.

Hmm..He murmured.

But that's not only the reason I chose to be an police investigator. I did it to find the girl I met a long time ago. He said.

A girl? Hannah looked up at him.

Yes.....it happened 13 years ago, when I started having the memories. She called me her brother then. The crazy thing is I don't know if it was real or in my mind. If I had even imagined it all? She motivated me also to follow in my dad's footsteps. But at the same time, when I came upon your case, I was more than troubled by it.

Why? She asked.

Because this case was similar to the one my father investigated. I don't know if it's a copycat committing these crimes. The deaths of the women, appeared to be killed in the same manner. Also the fact that you were found there unharmed in the same spot. That's why I'm so interested in you.

Me? She mumbled.

Yes, you...also remind me of that girl I met long ago too.

Hannah dropped her eyes at this.

I know you probably think I'm crazy. He scoffed.

No. I'm just flustered by it. She mumbled.

I have dreams about chasing after her in a dark forest but I can't find her. His eyes began to water at this.

I..don't know what happened to her but I feel almost responsible for her ended up missing. He answered in a solemn voice.

Anyway its getting late. I should take you home. He replied.

No! That isn't necessary. I'll go alone by myself. She yelped, taken him aback.

I mean I'm currently staying with someone and I don't want them to be concerned. They are probably wondering where I am right now. I don't want to keep them waiting. Plus it stopped raining, I'll be fine. She insists.

Ok. He sighs.

You have my number now. If you want to talk to me again, you can just call me. She smiled.

He nodded his head. Bye. He waved.

----'

So do you remember now? The man asks.

No. Chanyeol lies.

The man in front of him is puzzled to hear this.

Why...should I believe a stranger like you?Family,huh? Chanyeol chuckles back. He has stopped shaking now. All fear disappeared.He has a bit of confidence in him now, which confuses the man further.

Maybe I should give you your memories back then? The man says in his head.

I could kill you right now. The man mutters.

But you won't. Chanyeol smiles back to the man's dismay.

You're not afraid of me anymore? The man asks, cocking his head to one side.

Truthfully, I don't know if you are real or if I'm dreaming? Chanyeol answers.

The man rolls his eyes at Chanyeol's answer. He doesn't seem pleased.

He quickly stands before him, facing Chanyeol. He bares his teeth, his lips curled back in disgust. But Chanyeol doesn't budge still.

Let's say this "was" your house but it's not anymore. Is it? He smirked.

Sujoon ah....you dare disrespect me?! The man hollers out furiously.

Sujoon? No...My name is Choi Chanyeol. He tells the strange man. He grips the man's shoulders.

You....are deceiving me..?

Do you know what you are?! The mysterious man argues back.

Chanyeol laughs at his irritated expression.

Leave me be. Chanyeol replies in s serious voice.

Then let me give them back to you. The man smiles wickedly, grabbing his hand.

And Chanyeol sees everything, his past life flashing behind his eyes. He sees his mother lying dead on the bed. He sees himself as a homeless child in the 1930s, digging through trash cans and hiding behind buildings. He sees himself as a young man, shuffling past soldiers in the 1950s on a busy street, where people are being dragged out of their houses at gunpoint. He sees himself tracing his hands along a graffiti wall durung the 1970s, while leaning against a silver convertible. Then lastly, the early 2000s. He sees a wounded young girl walking along an isolated highway. She is familiar to him, yet he doesn't understand why.

Chanyeol pulls his hand away.

I can't show him that I know the truth. He thought.

What are you doing?! Chanyeol stammers out.

Sujoon....you've forgotten everything?! You're even immune to my touch. He murmured, dumbfounded.

Will you go now? So I can wake up from this nightmare? I don't wish to see your face now. Chanyeol lies.

Ok. I will allow it. The man agrees. I'll give you space until you remember. He winks back.

Chanyeol opens his eyes and the man is now gone.

Oh...god...did I really imagine him? He wonders, falling over the piano.

No...he was real and those were my lost memories. Thats why I look so young...I was a half....I was a half...He rambles on.

Mr. Choi? Hannah asks, disrupting his way ward thoughts.

[sarahjxcobs]

Y’all I saw  Bandstand last night

Warning this is literally 7 pages worth of writing so long post ahead 

Where do I even begin oh god

Ok so first off the Jacobs theater is absolutely stunning

Like wow

So we were sitting right orchestra like row H or something

We were pretty close to the stage

ThE sTaGe

Oh god it was beautiful

Like the drum kit was so nice

Generally the stage set up was fantastic

Ok so we’re waiting for the show to begin when I hear a group of girls who were sitting behind us freaking out

I couldn’t really hear what they were saying except I heard one of them say something like “Anthony Rapp is here”

I was like holy shit

That ain’t true

Then my friend leans over all excited

She was like “Did you hear them? Anthony Rapp and Lin Manuel Miranda are here!”

I was like HoLy SHIt  

Then a minute for so later I look behind us and there he is

Two rows behind me

Anthony fucking Rapp

Mark Cohen was there

So i’m like freaking the fuck out

Because well

It’s fucking Anthony Rapp

I got into like panic mode

Then all the light go off

Holy shit

Lighting

I’ve said this before but just a reminder

I”M A HOE FOR GOOD LIGHTING

Just like it was before starts off with a bunch of booms and flashes of lights

It’s intense my dude

Donny is yelling at everyone

There's guys running everywhere

Julia is also on stage during this part

She’s looking all cute and happy putting some flowers into a vase

Julia moves the the middle of the stage and one of the guys goes with her

He salutes Julia and she just fucking collapses to the floor

She starts sobbing

It’s completely heartbreaking because you realize that was when she was told about Michael

The Donny moves to the front of the stage when the music changes and the other guys come out in a different uniform and Donny’s like

It’s over

It’s actually over

Then the music changes again and so do all the costumes

My girl Carleigh Bettiol

She’s so beautiful omg

Corey Cott is so cute

All the costumes are so nice like I want one

Donald Novitski

Somebody let this boy sleep

Somebody also give this boy a job

When he yells “GET OUT” it’s really upsetting

Like you don’t really understand it but like he looks so sad

“He’s got a baby face” Yeah so does Corey

Donny tries to get into a fist fight with the club owner who won’t hire him

Donny gets beat up because of this

Don’t beat up Donny please

The PTSD attack Donny has at his piano is so intense

Wow

Corey is such a good actor

I love Donny Novitski

The song

Well also the character

Corey does this little shimmy while singing and it’s really cute

CREAMEEE RISEEEEES

Corey’s little laugh after talking about Frank Sinatra is so pure

The fake

“HE’S SO FLAT UGH”

Donny takes off his button up and is walking around in a white tank top

God that boy looks good

The last rise note

It’s so good

So good

Jimmy aw

Jimmy’s so cute

“I would fire the kid if we wasn’t a player”

Donny runs in

“You can’t be in here. We’re not open yet”

“The back door is”

Donny just tells Jimmy he was friends with Michael and makes Jimmy play a song as he starts playing the piano

I live for playing instruments live on stage

Everyone calls Michael Rubber and it’s funny  

“ He’s better than anyone...when he’s not high…”

“Jesus”

“He’s army too”

“I’ll take my chances!”

“WOAH! He plays at the Rio??”

“No. He drinks there”

Davey is just telling stupid jokes at the bar

So Donny joins in

“ What does an accordion and Hitler have in common”

Oh god Donny

“ One perpetrated years of oppression and humiliation on Polish people and the other one is Hitler”

Davey reads Shakespeare

I love Davey

Nick is a teacher and absolutely hates it

Nick you’re such a bad teacher

Johnny is my favorite

He’s so pure

Ain’t we proud is such a  good song

Donny and Julia finally meet

“Aren’t you a little old for ding dong ditch?”

“Well are you gonna come here or am I gonna have to keep yelling down the street”

Julia invites Donny over for dinner

Every single time Laura starting singing I got chills

Julia’s mom is great

“The paprika shaker lid fell off”

Donny and Julia are going through pictures of Michael and Donny during the war

“We just got off the ship and i’m already ready tan because well, I’m Italian”

“ Michael is Polish so the boys boiling”

Michael was called Rubber because his last name was Trojan HAHA

Julia is a church singer

So ofc Donny shows up to church to hear he sing

She sings like a goddess

Donny is like ‘Holy shit’

So Donny invites Julia to see the Donny Novitski band

While their performing Donny like pressures Julia into singing at the set

First steps first is so slow at first then Donny is like guys speed it up

Davey is like thank god and rocks the bass

“Oh all I could do is teach the children at church”

“Don’t teach”

Donny changes his name to Donny Nova

Julia gets mad at Donny about something he said

He talks to her at her job the next day and fix everything

So Julia joins the band

Breathe is one of my favorite songs

“THEN I’M BREAKING THE RULE WAYNE”

The proud and tall part is my favorite

Donny and Julia are so cute

“Haha Hornagraphy”

I cried at the end of Breathe

You deserve it is such a bop

The dancing is so good

Davey stands on his bass while playing it

Julia gives Donny a book of poems she writes

And he turns one into a song for her to sing

So they sing Love will come and find me for the band competition

They get through and it’s so great

But then are told that the travel and hotel expenses for New York is all gonna have to come from them

That’s a lot of money that the band does not have

Davey gets pisses the fuck off and is rolling up his sleeves and I honestly thought he was gonna fight someone

He did not

But Donny has a really intense PTSD attack

Like the boy completely collapses and is shaking so badly

Yet again a great example as to why Corey Cott is such a good actor

So Julia runs over to him

But everyone freezes and Donny starts singing Right this way

Slowly everyone starts moving again

It’s a really tense moment

So all the boys and Julia get together and decide to book as many gigs as they can because god damnit they are going to New York

Nobody

So good

Back at it again with the amazing dancing

The costumes are so nice

Julia sings upside down at one point and it’s amazing

My queen Laura Osnes is amazing

Johnny’s drumming part was cute

This is such an iconic song

The boys are back

They’re going to new york

Johnny is drumming on Davey’s bass as Davey downs an entire bottle of beer

Wayne’s wife left him so he moves in with Nick

Julia and Donny are at her house and they’re just talking it’s real cute

Julia picks up a ukulele and starts playing I got a theory

Donny joins her and it's cute

God I love these two

They all get so excited when they get offered the extra cash

Johnny the mathematician

“I am not suffering from what some people call alcoholism….I’m LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT”

Davey puts his hat on Julia

Julia’s red dress is so cute

Julia gets fired from her job because she wanted to take off to go to New York

Her father left her mom and her

Donny tells Julia everything

Michael and Donny were in a trench when they threw two grenades but Donny dropped his and couldn’t find it in time

Donny got out before it exploded but Michael didn’t

Julia stops coming to gigs and is avoiding the band

Everything happens is such a good song

Julia’s mom loves her so much

Julia talks to Donny and they sort things out

She wrote a poem about the boys during the war

And gives it to Donny

The second she said that she wrote something

I started crying

Because I knew

I knew Welcome Home was starting

I love Welcome Home

It’s my favorite song

So I cried a lot

THe dancing during the instrumental part of welcome home made me cry because it’s so beautiful

ALSO

I DID NOT KNOW WELCOME HOME ROMANTIC WAS IN THE SHOW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A DELETED SONG

BUT THEN SHE WAS SINGING AND SAID HERO INSTEAD OF BOYS

I STARTED CRYING SO HARD

OH MY GOD

When I first heard the romantic version I figured it was about Michael but I seriously think about her writing it to Donny now

Anyway the band ends up not having to pay for New York and it’s great

THE COSTUME CHANGES

I know we always talk about Laura’s but omg Corey’s

He looks so good

Then queen Laura does the spin chance and it's amazing

Johnny looks so good

The train scene is really cool

I love that Julia calls Donny kid

I love how Davey says in my life

Get Davey to a nightclub

Donny loosen up a bit

So Donny walks Julia back to her hotel room

They kiss and honestly it was so pure

I love them

“What a prick”

So the Donny Nova band is performing as the finale of the contest

But the day of the show Jimmy was reading over a paper that the company made Donny sign

It basically says that if they go out there and perform then the company owns their song and can do whatever they want with it

The band gets pissed the fuck off

Like they are mad

But like they still wanna do something

So Donny is like ‘ Julia do you remember every original word to welcome home’

She says yes but if they sing that then they could get blacklisted

They do it anyway

“What I feel for you Julia is true”

Donny and Julia kiss

Welcome home finale

Oh boy

I BAWLED LIKE A BABY

Like I don’t think i’ve ever cried so much in my life

It’s such a powerful song

My parents and friend made fun of me for sobbing

I was a wreck

The epilogue is fantastic

The Donny Nova Band won the competition

They all go to see the movie their song was in

It was a bad movie

Two fans see the band at the end and one girl fucking jumps on Wayne

It’s so funny

God I love this show so much

I cried for another ten minutes after the show because this show deserves so much better

Why the fuck is this closing tomorrow

OK SO AFTER THE SHOW

I got a picture with Anthony Rapp and he is honestly so cute

“Where are you two from?” “New Jersey” “Ohhhhhh”

I was having trouble opening my phone camera and just

Anthony laughs and was like “You gotta get that ready. You gotta be prepared!” 

And “You know you could just slide up and have the camera” “I know but it’s not working” “Oh I see”  

Not much happened at stage door so whatever

Except I tweeted out to Carleigh the other day asking if she could stage door and she liked my tweet

Guess what

My girl pulled through and came out

I love her

So we’re driving home and I check twitter

Lin Manuel Miranda was also at the show

But not only that

My boy

The love of my life

Ben Fankhauser was there too

And I missed him

I’m so upset about that

I literally cried for 30 minutes because I didn’t see him

But anyway Bandstand was amazing and I love it

[coffeesforfuckers]

I’m Sorry Every Song’s About You // Peterick

Pairing: Peterick Summary: Pete Wentz is too in love with Patrick Stump to actually say the words out loud so he just spills his guts into albums (Eight to be exact). But there's always one special song in an album that is in no way subtle in saying "I am in love with the tiny not-so-punk-man singing this song" But for a brilliant man, Patrick Stump sure is a motherfucking oblivious idiot. Word Count: 3,792

I’m sorry every songs about you.

Those words echoed in my mind, it was something Patrick never knew. Seven completed albums with songs all about him, soon it would be eight. The Fourth Of July was the most important song to me, and the date was my least favorite.

This song spilled my heart out into a crappy song. It was just like Death Valley and the one ‘special’ song from each album. Each special song wasn’t just my feeling spilling over onto a paper, they’re the story of the most important moments with him.

Let me start from the beginning.

|||

It all started when Patrick asked me to join the band all the way back in the summer of 2000. He said that my writings would be put to good use, and that’s when ‘ Pretty in Punk’ was brought to life.

So many kids but I only see you.

And I don't think you notice me...

That lyric was from when I first noticed Patrick when we were in Freshman year of high school. He was in some band as the drummer at the time and I was in some screamo band, obviously I was the lead.

He watched me get off the stage and the first thing I knew is he was thinking I was a prick, saying to his friend who was the singer in the band, "He stands alone because he's high on himself.”

His words were harsh and I definitely overheard them as he got on the stage.

I stood alone because I had nobody to stand next to, I mean I wasn’t the most well liked human around obviously. I was in a screamo band that played in the same old shitty basement of the same old shitty sports bar every week but I mean, he was always here with his band and he that meant he couldn’t be any better.

(Of course I’m wrong, little did I know at the time, the tiny man could play any instrument and speak any language you threw at him with his beautiful fucking face, and he also had that perfect singing voice and lungs of steel on top of it all. He was a fucking catch.)

It was July Fourth when he approached me with his proposition.

“Hey, screamo guy, Wentz is it?” He steps up to me, trying to be taller than he was. He may’ve had longer legs than me but I was still taller.

“Pete Wentz.” I say and he nods.

“Patrick Stump.” He replies. I knew that because I had not ‘ stalked’ per-say but I did my research.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I question, looking down ever-so-slightly at him.

“You play anything?”

“Like sports?” What kind of question was that?

“No dipshit, instruments. Do I look like I’d be asking about fucking sports. ” Man he was really hot. I was a slut for him.

Not really but you get it.

“Yeah, bass, guitar, little bit of piano.” I shrug, “Why?”

“You want to join my band? I need a bassist.” He says blatantly. This is the type of dream I’d been waiting for.

“Yeah! Of course! Sure.” I nod frantically, “I also write music and stuff a lot if you needed any songs.”

“Songs…? Oh! Yeah! Songs, we need lots. Like an album worth.” He nods, “Maybe you can put your writings to good use and make the songs, I’ll make the melodies.”

“Okay. Sounds good to me.”

/|\

My anxiety liked to rear it’s ugly head at the worst of times. Like the time we were getting ready for our first ever gig. I could just about vomit.

Patrick plucks at his guitar strings, not a care in the world. We weren’t close, not nearly as close as I’d hoped even after three years had passed.

“Would-... Would you mind if I sat next to you?” I speak and he looks up at me with those big blue eyes.

“I don’t mind, go ahead.” He smiles and all my worry seems to fade.

Would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile?

And the song was made with that lyric, it’s all I needed. Pretty in Punk. The small blue-eyed man in some stupid clothes, playing music much too heavy for his personality, the first song written for my pretty boy dressed in punk.

|||

Patrick was my saving grace by the end of Senior year. Everybody around here sucked. (Other than Joe and Andy, of course).

I was living off of his happiness.

You were the last good thing about this part of town.

That lyric had come and gone through my head in multiple varying ways, most too advanced or too bland. That was perfect, simple, straight to the point and not as painfully obvious as some of the other ideas I’d had.

My phone rings at three in the morning, that had been happening more often than I pleased. Always Patrick crying over the same boy.

“Pete!” He wales into the phone.

“What happened this time, boo?” I mumble half-asleep into the receiver.

“He- He said… He said that he didn’t l-... Love me! He called me a slut!” He bawls and I huff, it hurt to hear it, “He asked why I couldn’t just be- be… Happy with what-... What he already g-... Gives me!”

“Awe, Pat…” I sigh, “You need to break-up with him… He’s like poison to you, if you don’t give him up, you’ll wind up dead…” I hated listening to him cry, I just love him.

“No! I need him!” He hiccups, “I love him, Pete.” Ouch…

You need him.

I could be him…

I’m not even the slightest bit subtle.

But he’ll never catch on.

|||

It’s the summer of 2005, July Fourth to be exact, and I’m standing outside of the hotel we’d been staying in and Patrick is stood on the edge of the balcony in his room.

“What are you doing!? Get down! You’re going to fall!” I shout up to him.

“Good! I hope I do!” He calls.

“What the fuck are you talking about!?”

“I’m just the man on the balcony!” He sings, “Nobody will ever remember me!” He’s crying. I knew he’d been a bit off lately but not to the extent of suicide.

“Patrick! Just step back into the room! I’ll be up soon, just please! Please ! Go inside!” I pleade.

“No!” He shouts.

“Patrick! Please !” I cry out.

“Why should I!?” He’s sobbing, swaying at the edge and making me nervous. Where the fuck were Andy and Joe?

“Because! You’re the only reason I’m even alive right now!” I admit shakily, “I need you, Patrick!”

He seems shocked but he steps down and goes inside. I run up the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me. Patrick is sitting on the floor in tears, I don’t say a word and just hold him, wrapping my arms around his plump body and I just sit there with him. It’s a long time before either of us say anything, hours actually.

He tells me how worthless he feels, useless, pathetic, stupid, good for nothing… Every word that comes from his mouth is untrue. My chest begs to spill all the words that come to mind when I think of him but my brain uses logic and better judgement to tell him all the things he is to everybody and not just to me. I sit and watch him as he listens to me, not believing a single word.

“Patrick, trust me, you’re perfect. You take whatever you're given and make is a million times better… That’s more than I can say, I only want what I can’t have. ”

He nods and rests his head on my shoulder, “I bet that’s not true, Pete, I know that it isn’t.”

It’s more true than he could ever realize.

And “From now on we’re enemies” was born.

|||

By ‘ Infinity on High ’ I was struggling to hide the fact that I was violently and painfully in love with the short lead singer that I wrote album after album about, he obviously was blind, not noticing all of those little things that were shoved into every song that I stole from our lives.

It caused a lot of tension between us, not that I was keeping secrets, he didn’t even know that I was really. It’s just that it was becoming hard for me to do anything involving him without wanting to scream my love for him from the top of my lungs.

My little fantasies becoming too strong that I ended up not even writing a full album confessing my love in some weird, fucked up way, but rather one song where I basically just shout that I love him and hope he gets it.

Yes, the other songs did have their moments where I spilled my guts into a line or two or maybe a whole verse or two but mostly they were bone dry of my emotion, saving it up for a bonus track that would barely even be heard.

I toss and turn in bed, my mind spinning from the thoughts floating through. Patrick. Just everything about him made my chest hurt and body weak. He turned me to mush just by existing.

My mind plays back the swaying of his hips, you know, the thing he does on stage where he kind of grinds his guitar. I could never tell if it was on purpose or if he was just teasing. And the leg thing he does to keep to the beat, well, that’s how it started but now it was just a thing he did because it was habit, like when a person bounces their leg while sitting or drums on things with anything they can, just a subconscious tic really.

I also think of the way he says things or when he speaks in any of those languages, especially French. The way he moans in his songs, as if it were the best sex he’d ever had.

I can’t help but to imagine here and there either, the way he moves, but on me this time, or just for me. Lips pressed close to mine.

I've loved everything about you that hurts.

I try to trade baby blues, for wide-eyed browns , anything that doesn’t belong to him but it doesn't stop me from sleeping with his old shirts that he’s left here. They somehow still smell so much like him, so sweet.

And I've traced your shadows on the wall.

Now I kiss them whenever I'm down...

It’s nights like these, the ones with thoughts like those, that it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone. Nights like these I almost tell him.

|||

This album is the one I couldn’t pour my heart into. I was rapidly losing Patrick. He and I were unable to communicate anymore.

I can’t remember,

The good old days.

He was bitter and hostile over nothing in particular.

I was bitter and hostile over the fact that I was in love with my best friend.

My mind is a safe with all the secrets I’ve compiled into it in the past nine years of knowing him. It would feel so dirty to let it all out even if it would relieve the tension that repelled us like magnets.

If I keep it in we all get rich . If I let it all out then it ruins everything that we built.

I watch Patrick often. He’s not happy anymore. He’s not Patrick anymore. Are all the good times getting gone?

They come and go and come and go.

I missed when Patrick was a happy person, when his smile made butterflies soar within me. I miss when he’d hug me for no reason other than he just was happy. I miss when he’d get close to me, like the kind of close that’s way too close.

I just miss what he used to be.

What we used to be.

And that makes me realize, if home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked.

|||

In the studio on July Fourth of 2007 when everything explodes. It’s a blur in my mind. Patrick and I screaming at each other. Joe and Andy had left hours ago, their parts were done. I was trying to help.

“You fucking idiot! Look what you did! It’s gone!” He yells over a song that he had been piecing together. It was an easy fix but he was at the end of his rope and it looks like he just hung himself with it, “You can’t do anything right! Agh! This is why I hate you!” He yells and slams his fist on the mixing station.

“Fuck you, Patrick! I try so hard to fucking please you but all you do is bitch! You’re never happy with anything! No wonder everybody leaves you!” I know I was harsh but I was having a breakdown and my mind was collapsing on me, “I would fucking leave too! I would never miss you if I fucking left either!”

“Then why the fuck haven’t you!?” He cries out with his fists balled at his sides, “Just leave already foc fuck sakes!” He slams me back into a table, causing a candle that was lit to hit the floor and light an old curtain ablaze. This triggered the fire alarms and the sprinklers go off.

The fire goes out without our aid and once the sudden sense of panic leaves, Patrick begins to laugh. Not nervous, iffy laughter, but full on, head thrown back, barely able to stand, can’t catch your breath kind of laughing. And he looks so beautiful.

He looks so happy.

So good…

We are alive here in this moment.

That’s when I kiss him.

The past nine years of feelings spill out and not onto paper this time, all over Patrick himself as I slam him up against the wall and kiss him with my all. My all isn’t enough to convey the way I love him.

Nothing is enough for him.

He’s kissing me back.

‘Cause we are alive,

Here in Death Valley.

Which is where I push my love down your throat and you push your frustration out through it in the form of lying through your tongue.

But don’t take love off the table yet…

‘Cause tonight,

It’s just fire alarms and losing you...

I think it’s love, with the way you are with me, the way we are together for a while, almost a real couple, until you stop the calls and texts and the band breaks up.

/|\

That song is so special that I wrote it three years in advance. In the three years while Patrick did his thing and Joe did his and Andy did his and I didn’t do anything…

All that I ended up doing was failing in the one thing I thought I could fucking get right.

Down a bottle of pills and fall asleep.

Why was I an idiot?

Though, that incident brought me close to Patrick again, that incident brought me to the recording studio where I had to listen to Patrick blatantly sing about the night he left me high and dry after (somewhat) admitting that I was in love with him.

He still didn’t get that it meant more than nothing.

For a brilliant man, Patrick Stump sure is a motherfucking oblivious idiot.

|||

And finally it all brought us here. To the song where I give up hiding the little things in it and flat out say that every song is about him.

It was the fourth of July, 2013. Him and I were laying out on my roof. The sky was bright that night, the fireworks hadn’t begun quite yet.

Patrick wraps an arm around me and slides close and I look at him in shock. He smiles at me, “It’s cold.” He mumbles.

What if I kissed him?

My mind instantly jumped and I shook it away.

“Yeah it is.” I agree so he’ll stay close.

You are my favorite "what if".

You are my best "I'll never know".

We lay like this for far too long. The fireworks come and go and he’s still there. He’s still there as if he’d never left.

I said I'd never miss you...

But I guess you never know…

I just wish he knew how much it hurt for him to hold me and not feel anything. I wish he cared enough to know .

/|\

We’re in the studio, it’s July of 2015 when we finally get around to making a new album. This is when I finally get to have the only song that matters framed forever with his beautiful voice.

I’d struggled with the bridge more than I’d like to admit. But either way, I knew Patrick would make it work and it’d be beautiful (and forgotten) as always.

I sit out in the mixing booth, watching Patrick through the glass, He holds his headphones on his head with one hand, his phone in front of him with the other to read the lyrics.

“I wish I'd known the ways to word it… I wish I tried enough for you... Oh, I'm sorry every song's about you… The torture of small talk…  With someone you used to love.” He got it to sound amazing but he shakes his head, waving a hand around slightly, “No… I-... No.” He makes eye contact with me and I can tell this finally made him realize.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“It’s not that the lyrics are bad but I-... Could I try something?” He practically begs.

“Yeah, go ahead… You’re the singer, doesn’t matter to me.” And I was dismissed.

“Okay.” He steps up to the microphone again and regains his position from before.

“Whenever you’re ready.” I nod and start the track again.

“I wish I'd known how much you loved me… I wish I cared enough to know… I'm sorry every song's about you… The torture of small talk, with someone you used to love.” He gives a thumbs up and I can’t function enough to do just about anything.

Joe steps in and turns the track off and the recording.

“Is that okay? I’ve had that for a long time… It was supposed to be for my solo album but it didn’t fit.” Patrick chuckles weakly.

“Like Miss Missing You?” Andy chimes in.

“Yeah, just like that, but these lyrics meant more to me.” He stares at me as he says it. I shiver as if he’d just poured ice all over my body.

“It’s close to midnight and I’m exhausted, Patrick, please don’t do the ‘ it’s not perfect ’ thing, as always , and fucking make us stay here all night.”  Joe scolds.

“I think that’s good for tonight. You guys can leave. I’m going to stay and mend some loose ends.” He still watches me as he speaks.

“Okay, well, peace out fuckers.” Joe holds up a peace sign as he leaves the room.

“I’ve gotta go before Joe leaves me here again. Bye guys!” Andy hurries after his lover, leaving Patrick and I alone with a glass barrier between us.

He stares at me for a long time, and I stare back.

Eventually he breaks his gaze and pulls off the headphones and hangs them off the mic stand. He gingerly makes his way to the door and pushes it open, stepping into the mixing room with me.

“So…” He mumbles as he steps looks at the floor, body turned in my direction as the door clicks shut behind him.

“So…” I hum back, looking up at him from my seat.

“All those songs really are about me?” He asks, playing with his small hands.

“Well, yeah… It was pretty obvious.” I huff softly at the dumb question. Of course they were about him, who else would I write any of that about!?

“I just… I thought I was overthinking it.” He shrugs, “I never saw you as one to fall in love with someone like me, especially a boy at that.” He murmurs.

In all the years I’d known him he didn’t even know I was into boys.

“I heard a rumor…” He starts and pauses, “A really long time ago… Freshman year of high school actually… I heard a friend, of a friend, of a friend had heard that Pete Wentz was a boy who liked to kiss boys. I thought, maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe I’m not different. So I followed you around… You weren’t like any of the boys that have ever liked to kiss other boys that I’d ever seen so I thought that it couldn’t be true… But I continued to follow you and you seemed like a prick but, you were a pretty cute prick so it was okay… Then I asked you to be in my band and you always wrote songs about people, people that I assumed were not me… I… I’ve always wanted them to be about me and I’ve always wanted to kiss that boy that a friend, of a friend, of a friend told me about that also happened  to like kissing boys.” He rambles on and on but I hold onto each word as if it were going to be his last.

“And I knew that you were a boy who liked to kiss other boys that were not like me, and also were not me, so, I spilled my feelings into words on pages that barely made any sense, half hoping you’d get it and half hoping you’d never take a second glance at it.” I say, “I’m a boy, who just so happens to like kissing a boy that he’s hopelessly in love with… A boy named Patrick Stump.”

His baby-blues meet my wide-eyed browns.

And his toned pink lips meet mine.

There are no fire alarms or sprinklers or losing him.

Right now it’s just him and I, Patrick and Pete, together with our mouths connecting like the land with the sky, colliding like the moon and sun, fitting like broken halves that found each other.

We found each other, we are all of it, we are more than the songs written for each other, we are us.

Patrick and Pete.

Pete and Patrick.

No longer alone, with the songs to bind our words.

‘Til death do us part.

As a future promise.

But right now, here with my eyes closed and Patrick on top of me I realize, I never have to write a song to numb the pain again because now I don’t have to bottle it all up inside, I can just tell him.

“I love you.”