#I haven’t had a good Alfredo in so long and this is hitting my spot

[kissandships]

Okay but like.. a good Alfredo

[landosgirl97]

Valentine’s Day Blurb- Rudy Pankow

A/N: Happy Valentine’s Day @maybankforlife​ ! Thanks for being my bestie/wifey! Here’s to you girl!

Warnings: basically pwp; MINORS DNI (18+), smut, phone sex

Rudy and I had planned a Valentine’s Day dinner over Facetime together since he was in Barbados. I got my hair and makeup set where I wanted it, and tied my wrap dress tighter around my waist. I set out my chicken alfredo and wine that we had planned to eat. As soon as I sat down at the table and sat my laptop in front of me, I got a notification from Rudy for the call. “Hey pretty girl! Happy Valentine’s Day!” “Hey Ru! It’s so good to see you! Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too! I miss you already.” I said. “I miss you too Lex. Hopefully you can come visit as soon as we get to Charleston.” “I know, baby. Let’s just enjoy our dinner ok?” I said. He nods. Rudy and I got to eat our dinner together and talk about how our days have gone. Unfortunately, we haven’t gotten to talk much with him being so far away. We talked through dinner, catching up on everything and how everyone was doing.

“Hey baby?” I said once we had finished eating. “What sweetheart?” he asked. “I have a surprise for you but it’s in my room. Is it okay if I move you in there?” he nods. I picked up my laptop and laid it on my bed. “Okay, I’ll be back.” I walked to my bathroom and took off my wrap dress, revealing the new set of lingerie I bought specifically for tonight. I checked my hair and makeup in the mirror before walking back to the bedroom. “Ready babe?” I ask. “Ready!” Rudy said. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” I said, sliding in front of the camera again. Rudy’s jaw went slack as he stared. “Wow baby.. You look- amazing!” he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. “You know… you’ve been gone a little while and I really miss you.. Think you could help me out?” you smirk at him. “Only if you’re willing to return the favor babe! Let me lock my door.” Rudy said. After Rudy came back from locking his door, he sat back in his chair. “Okay baby girl, strip. As much as I love this set on you, I love you naked more.” I felt a chill go down my spine at his words. “Yes daddy.” I stand and turn my computer where he can see me as I slowly strip myself of my minimal clothing. I put on a strip tease for him as I slowly removed them and watched as Rudy’s jaw clenched and he ran his hands through his hair. “We’ll this isn’t very fair now is it, daddy? Maybe you should get undressed too?” 

“Since when do you make the rules princess?” He asked. “Just making a suggestion daddy.. please? I want to see you cock. I may not be there to suck it but I’d love to at least see it..” you give him your best puppy dog eyes through the camera and he must give in, because the next thing you see is him unbuttoning his pants and pulling out his hard cock. “There you go princess… that's better?” “Yes, daddy.””Alright princess.. close your eyes.”  I close my eyes. “Okay princess, I want you to touch yourself for me, okay?” Rudy said. 

I began to trail my hands down my body and one hand stayed on my breast as the other continued to trail it’s way down to my wet pussy gathering the wetness and beginning to play with my clit. “Fuck Rudy, you feel so good.” I moaned. “Say my name. Are you gonna be a good little whore for me again?” He growls as he jacks himself off, gathering his precum and using it as lube. “Rudy..” “Fuck princess, I may not last long..” he moans. “Me either daddy.. Fuck you feel so damn good.” I thrusted my fingers into myself and began to drag my other hand down my body to play with my clit again. “Okay pretty girl.. Don’t cum until I say so.” Rudy said. “Fuck daddy, I’m not sure I can..” “Yes you can princess.. 3…” I curled my fingers up to hit my g-spot and Rudy sped up his hand. “2…” I could feel myself clenching around my fingers but held back my orgasm until Rudy gave permission, I saw Rudy’s other hand go down to play with his balls as well. “1…” Rudy began to thrust into his hand as I felt my orgasm grow more to the point where I swore I could see stars. “Cum princess… cum for me…”  I felt myself finally let go as I heard Rudy groan as he came all over his bare stomach. 

“Well Happy Valentine’s Day to me, huh?” Rudy said, with a wide smirk on his face. “Oh shush and go get cleaned up so we can watch our movie now.” I laughed.

[iamwhoami]

Are You With Me (Grey’s Anatomy)

Grey’s Anatomy

   When Y/N unexpectedly find out that she’s expecting, she suddenly finds herself having to figure out how to tell Jackson.

Warnings: Pregnancy???

Requested = Yes

“No...no, please no,” You whispered quietly as you stared at the stick in your hand.

   You were starting to lose hope that the first one you took was a false positive.

   It had all started a few weeks ago actually when you missed your period. That didn’t really alarm you since you were never regular and plus with all the stress that was on you right now, you figured that those were just the reasons. 

   Then, you started getting sick. Feeling nauseous, throwing up...all that fun stuff. 

But only in the morning. 

   Even then, you kept brushing it off, telling yourself that you had probably caught a stomach bug from a patient.

   It was the one and only Arizona Robbins that forced you to grab a pregnancy test (or two) from the pharmacy.

   So now here you were, locked in the bathroom in your apartment with three positive pregnancy tests. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

   You and Jackson hadn’t even started talking about kids and now you had to tell him you weren’t just thinking about having kids in the future, you were having one now.

This couldn’t be happening.

   You were deep in your swirling thoughts when your phone suddenly went off and you looked over to see a text message from Jackson.

Hey, do you wanna come over? I’ve made dinner for two...

   Did you? Not really. But at some point you’d have to tell him right? You quickly texted him back saying that you were leaving now

   Sighing, you decided to shove one of the pregnancy tests into your purse along with your phone before grabbing your coat and heading over to Jackson’s.

~~~

“Hey!” Jackson’s smiling face greeted you as he opened the door. “Come in!”

   You walked in and shook off your coat before hanging it up. Usually, it felt more casual but today you couldn’t help but feel out of place.

“I made fettuccine alfredo,” Jackson said, not noticing your tense body language, “Do you want some?”

   You swallowed, “Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”

   You took a seat on one of the bar stools at the island and Jackson soon placed a plate filled with a generous amount of pasta on it. He then helped himself to a plate and took a seat on one of the stools next to you.

   Normally, you would have finished the pasta in seconds, but your stomach was too nervous to have any sort of appetite so the best you could do was a few bites before you ended up playing with the food on your plate.

“Is everything okay?” Jackson asked, now noticing your strange behaviour. 

   This might have been a good time to tell him but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“Yeah, just a long day you know,” You replied, not completely lying. 

   It had been a long day but that wasn’t why you were acting different. 

   Jackson nodded, “It was a long day, do you want something to drink? Wine?”

“No,” You quickly declined, earning a strange look from Jackson. 

You had to think quickly to prevent any suspicions. 

“I think maybe I caught a bug or something from someone,” You explained, “I don’t think wine’ll make me feel any better.”

   Jackson nodded and for now, it looked like you were able to steer clear of the topic. 

   The rest of the dinner, you and Jackson talked about all the patients the two of you treated earlier in the day. By time he had finished, you had still barely touched your plate. 

   You knew he was concerned about that but he didn’t ask about it, much to your relief. 

   Before he could invite you to stay over, to quickly came up with a lame excuse about forgetting to your laundry in one of the machines in the apartment laundry room and thanked him for dinner.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” You told him.

   Jackson nodded, “Yeah, see you.”

~~~

   Okay, you were going to admit it. You were avoiding Jackson and there was no way around that.

   He had texted you last night once you got home and when you didn’t reply, he had called you multiple times though every time you just let the phone ring until it stopped by itself.

   When you had gotten to the hospital the next morning for your shift, you spotted Jackson talking to a nurse at the front desk and made a quick beeline for the hall that lead in the opposite direction. 

   While Jackson had specialized in Plastics, you specialized in Peds after realizing that there was just something special about working with kids. 

“Hey! Look who made it!” Arizona greeted you as she watched you start to go through the charts of the patients you had to see today.

   You sighed, “Yeah, I made it all right.”

“So what did the test say?” Arizona pried. 

   You knew what she was talking about but you played dumb anyway.

“What test?”

“You know what I mean,” Arizona said and you swallowed hard, trying to keep your eyes that were now slowly filling with tears on the charts.

   Arizona noticed your tears and quickly placed a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t need to say anything for her to know your answer to her previous question. 

“Have you told Jackson yet?” She asked you softly.

   You shook your head, “I was going to last night, he invited me over to dinner, but I chickened out.”

“You should tell him,” Arizona told you, “The sooner he knows, the better.”

“I know, I know,” You said, “And it’s not like I don’t want to tell him because I do. I want him to know.”

   Arizona nodded understandingly, “But you’re scared.”

   You scoffed, “More like terrified. I’m pretty much dropping a bombshell on him.”

“Well, my advice would be to just tell him,” Arizona said, “Get it over with.”

Both of you knew though that it was much easier said than done. 

“Yeah...okay,” You took a deep breath, “After shift, I’ll tell him, but right now, I have to check on Tracy Jenkins. It looks like she took a turn for the worst overnight.”

“Okay, yes, good luck!” Arizona told you before you hurried off.

~~~

   After a very long, exhausting, and horrible shift, you collapsed on one of the beds in the on call room. 

Today had been an awful day.

   Tracy Jenkins ended up coding and you weren’t able to restart her heart. She was eight years old. 

It wasn’t just Tracy though.

   Little Billy, born premature five days ago, had caught an infection and was now in critical condition. 

   Sixteen year old Molly Thompson was walking home from school when she was hit by a car. The driver was drunk. 

   She was still alive, but she was currently facing the possibility of paralysis while everyone waited for her to wake up from surgery.  

   You heard the door open before Jackson’s face suddenly loomed over you. 

“Long day huh,” He commented as he took a seat next to you.

“More like a rough day,” You groaned.

“Yeah...same,” Jackson sighed and you sat up.

   You were exhausted and felt like crap but you had said you were going to tell Jackson the news after shift and you didn’t plan on chickening out this time so...

“We need to talk,” Jackson said before you could say anything though.

   You nodded, “You’re right. We do.”

“I don’t know what I did,” Jackson kept going, “I keep racking my brain for anything I could have done but I can’t think of anything-”

“Jackson, stop,” You cut him off, “You didn’t do anything.”

“Then what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing’s wrong Y/N because you know I know something’s wrong,” Jackson raised his eyebrows. 

   You took a deep breath, “Jackson, I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

“You’re...” Jackson’s voice faltered.

   You nodded, “I’m pregnant.”

“Okay...well...” Jackson seemed to be at a lost of words, “Maybe it was a false positive?”

“Maybe,” You bit your lip, “But I took three and they were all positive so unless I got three false positives...”

“Which is very unlikely,” Jackson said.

   You swallowed, “Yes. Which is very unlikely, but, I haven’t actually gotten any blood drawn or anything.”

More silence.

“Jackson, I need you to say something,” You finally told him, “I need you to say how you feel about this.”

“I mean,” Jackson put his hand on his head, “You just told me you were pregnant, I’m still comprehending things.”

   You sighed, “I’ll put it differently then. Are you with me or not?”

“Of course I’m with you,” Jackson quickly took his hand off his head and placed it on your hand instead, “I’m not leaving you, not now, not when you need me the most.”

   At those words, you burst into tears, not able to keep your composure any longer. 

“Hey...hey,” Jackson said softly as he scooted closer towards you, “It’s okay. We’ll figure things out.”

“I was going to tell you last night,” You spoke between your sobs, “But I got cold feet. I’m sorry.”

   Jackson wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “It’s okay. I’m just glad you told me.”

“I was scared,” You admitted, “I’m still scared.”

“You know what? So am I,” Jackson whispered, “But we’re gonna take this one day at a time. Together.”

You nodded and buried your face into his chest. 

“Does anybody else know?” Jackson asked you as he started stroking your hair. 

   You nodded again, “Only Arizona. She was the one who told me I should take a pregnancy test.”

“I think we should talk to her again,” Jackson said, “Get some blood drawn to see if those tests were right and then if they were, get an ultrasound done. You know, to check on our little bean.”

   You smiled, “Our little bean?”

“Well, little bean probably does exist so they need some sort of name,” Jackson explained, blushing a little. 

“Okay well...we’ll do what you just said in a little bit,” You agreed, “But I just need a moment with you.”

   Jackson opened his mouth to say something but before he got the chance, your pager went off and you quickly picked it up.

“Molly Thompson’s waking up,” You said and started getting up, “I need to be there.”

“Yeah of course,” Jackson replied, “I’ll meet you on the OB floor then when you’re done.”

   You nodded, “Sounds good.”

   You left the on call room feeling as if all the weight had just been lifted off your shoulders and you could now breathe again.

Everything was going to be okay.

[hskrealm]

innocence (m.)

pairing: drag racer yoongi x reader                     

genre: fluff, smutsmutsmut. (this post took a turn i swear)

word count: 3.2k

warnings: overstimulation, PET NAMES SO MANY PET NAMES WHAT WAS I THINKING, fingering, oral (f receiving), cute shit, virgin!reader, yoongi is a bit persuasive, etc.

summary: your best friend wants to take your innocence in every possible way.  

a/n: i wrote this MONTHS ago, and i literally forgot about it up until yesterday, or sometime before that? i was sad because I deleted it, but my bby @bitchyaus reblogged it after i posted it, and i have NEEEEVEEER been happier.

You hummed as you sat on your couch while scrolling through your social media feed and taking small bites of your favorite snack every now and then.

It was only 7:09. You’d usually find something to occupy yourself every day until 8:00 on the dot (although he’d come early sometimes, but that wasn’t often), which was when Yoongi would come knocking on your door with a new story to tell and to raid your fridge of whatever he could find.

If necessary, you’d tend to the few bruises his beautiful face would sport.

Once he was comfortable enough to tell you what his occupation was, you cringed the moment you imagined him sitting behind the wheel of a vehicle, pushing 200 to nearly 300 miles on a daily basis.

You begged him to consider something safer, to which he responded with a small smirk,

“I’ve been doing this years before I even met you. If I’ve managed to keep myself in good condition for this long, then I’m sure that you have nothing to worry about.”

This had become a repetitive cycle in the short year that you had known him. He’d shoot you a text before he went out for the day, and come speeding back to your place once he was let off of work.

Or–when he let himself off, rather. He never really was the type to follow rules anyway.

You smiled fondly at the thought of seeing his gummy smile sometime in the next hour.

You checked your phone again.

7:14.

Well, 46 minutes to be exact.

You sighed and tossed your head back against the couch cushions as you tried to register what about this man had you so whipped for him.

Could be the fact that he was a sweetheart when it came to you,

Or it could also be the fact that he looked so fucking hot driving those cars despite how much you hated seeing him behind the wheel.

Or, it could be that he had really, really pretty hands–

There was a loud knock at your door. It carried the same loudness that Yoongi’s carried.

Okay, you have really got to find yourself a hobby.

The person knocked twice, and then there was a three second pause before the last and final knock came.

You grinned as you rushed over toward the door.

There was his signature knock that he had given himself sometime a few weeks ago.

He suggested that he should have a special knock so you knew it was him, although you told him multiple times that no one other than him or your best friend came to visit.

He still wouldn’t let up even then, muttering something about how it would be the safest measure. You then (jokingly) proceeded to tell him he knew nothing about safety, which led him to tell you about all of the safety precautions people in his profession must take before even considering driving one of those high speed  cars.

He couldn’t take a joke, but that was alright. You loved him anyway.

You took a quick glance through the peephole just to make sure it was him before you unlocked the door.

As usual, he rushed in and threw his bag to the ground before making a beeline to your kitchen.

“Nice to see you too.” You smiled a bit, closing the door back and locking it behind yourself.

“I shouldn’t have to greet you anymore when I enter.” He spoke, although his voice was a bit muffled since he was bent over as he shuffled through your fridge.

“It’d be nice, though.” You sighed dramatically as you walked back over to your couch and flopped onto it.

“Sure.” He shrugged, returning from the kitchen to take his spot next to you on the couch as he always did.

“Hello, Princess.” He smirked, laughing at the way you rolled your eyes and looked away from him.

He’d called you that for forever now, and you’d be a terrible fucking liar if you were to say that it didn’t make your pussy clench.

He knew that it did, too, which was why he said it.

“Did you do something productive today?” He asked, as he took a bite out of one of the strawberries out of the bowl that he quickly prepared for himself.

“I did some school work earlier.” You shrugged, gesturing toward your closed laptop that sat on the arm of the couch closest to you.

He hummed, nodding approvingly.

“Good girl,” He noticed the way that your body shivered at his praise. He always talked like this, but for some reason it was really having an impact on you right now. 

“Have you eaten something filling today?” You bit your lip. 

You hadn’t had a ‘meal’, but you had some pretty filling snacks. You just weren’t in the mood to cook anything, or even order something.

There was no point in lying to him either, because he could see right through you.

“Depends on what the word filling means.” You responded, as if this wasn’t a question that he asked you everyday. 

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at you and set the bowl of strawberries down on your coffee table before quickly reaching over your thighs to grab the bag of chips that you had been snacking on before his arrival.

His hand brushed over the exposed skin of your legs, causing you to gulp. He was always a forward person, but never this forward.

“This isn’t a meal, ____ . “ He scolded, and you rolled your eyes.

“I know, but I can promise you that I am satiated.” Yoongi shook his head in disbelief.

“You hungry?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as he stared into your eyes with his arms crossed.

“Nope.” As if on cue, your stomach growled.

“Mhm.” He mocked, handing you the bowl of strawberries before standing up.

“What are you doing?” You asked, confused as to why he was suddenly up on his feet.

“I’m about to cook you something, little girl.” He rolled his eyes as he walked into the kitchen.

“Yoongiiii-“

“In the mood for pasta? You’ve got all of the ingredients I’d need to make you some alfredo.” You groaned.

“My stomach growls all the time! I’m not hungry, I swear.” He was already pulling out pots and pans from your cupboards as your voice went through one ear and out of the other.

“Suck on those strawberries with those pretty lips of yours while I cook this, hm?” He said, leaning against the kitchen counter with his elbows resting against it.

“I don’t want the straw–”

“I already put the noodles in the pot, so you’re shit out of luck.”

———

Yoongi had been in the kitchen for half an hour while you caught up on your favorite Netflix series.

You should’ve just lied and said yes. He was going through way too much trouble for you.

“Alright,”  He began, as he finally left the kitchen.

“Should be good to eat in a few minutes.” He slid back onto the couch.

“Mind if I use your laptop to check my stats? I’m sure they’ve gone up.” He bragged. You playfully rolled your eyes and handed him your laptop, before directing your attention back to your TV.

Yoongi began typing away for a few minutes, until his fingers paused, his eyes grew wide, and he choked on air.

“What? Those stats not what you expected them to be?” You laughed, Yoongi turning his head to look at you before clicking on a tab at the top of the screen and pushing the laptop in your direction.

“What– Oh my God, give me that!” You yelled, Yoongi easily fighting off your efforts to grab the laptop away from him by shoving his arm against your chest.

“Are these your nudes?” He asked, although it was painfully clear that they were.

Yoongi smirked at the way you began to blush profusely.

Holy shit, you were going to die of embarrassment. 

‘Play it cool.’ You thought to yourself.

“Yeah? So what if they are?” You used this opportunity to snatch the laptop away from him and close the tab, before shutting the laptop off and setting it on the coffee table where the empty strawberry bowl was.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, taken aback by your response.

“Clearly you don’t seem to mind.” You smirked, gesturing to the bulge forming in his pants.

He dropped the smirk on his face as he inched closer to you. You reflexively backed away from him.

“You talk pretty big for a virgin, sweetheart.” He growled. Your stomach fell to the bottom of your ass at his words.

You weren’t sure of what to say.

“Uh, I never told—“

“You’d be surprised of what you tell me when you’re drunk.” He reached forward to twirl a strand of your hair around his pointer finger before tucking it behind your ear, as if he had done this to you before.

“Since we’re letting secrets go, you should know that I’ve thought about fucking you plenty of times.” He hummed, as he traced your jawline with his fingers.

“You haven’t got any idea of what thinking about stripping you of your innocence does to me, sweetheart.”

Your chest began to rise and fall rapidly.

“I know that you’d let me, too.” He slowly pushed you backward until your back hit the couch.

“You would let me, wouldn’t you?” He looked into your eyes, waiting for your approval before he took anything further.

You thought about it.

Did you really want to lose your virginity to this sexy drag racer that you’ve grown to become best friends with over the past year?

Hell yes.

“Yes, yes I’d let you.” You stuttered, causing him to groan at your admittance. 

He was going to corrupt you more and more day by day before you even realized it.

And fuck, he couldn’t wait.

“Hmm.” He hummed against your skin, as he nudged your head to the side so he could expose the skin of your neck.

He quickly began to suck love bites against the skin, eager to cut straight to the chase in order to get a taste of that perfect cunt that was spread wide in that picture.

“How far have you gone, baby?” He asked, as he tugged your shirt up over your chest and kissed his way around your breasts.

“I–I’ve, fuck,” You moaned, as he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, you’ve done what?” He mumbled against your hardening bud. You whimpered.

“I-I’ve masturbated with a toy.” Yoongi detached his mouth from your nipple.

“That’s all?” You nodded shyly.

“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me.” He hungrily kissed down the rest of your body, stopping right above the band of your shorts.

“I’ve got to taste you to get you prepared to take me. Is that alright?” He wasn’t lying. It would help you adjust to his size a bit easier, but it was mostly for his own personal pleasure.

You nodded, and he wasted no time in tugging down your shorts and panties in one swift motion. 

“Oh my God.” He nearly whimpered at the sight of your untouched pussy. You began to close your legs as he stared down at your most intimate areas, which prompted him to roughly throw one of your legs over the back of the couch so you were forced to keep yourself spread for him.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He warned. You nodded, murmuring an apology as he laid himself flat against the couch and pulled your hips closer to his face.

He breathed shakily against your core. You began to writhe in his hold as his cool breath hit your exposed pussy lips.

“Are you sure about this, baby? We could stop this at any moment.” He asked for the final time. It made you smile that he continued to ask you if this was really what you wanted.

“I’m sure. Please–oh, shit!” You yelped. Yoongi hadn’t even let you finish your sentence before he had his lips wrapped around your clit.

Your hands hesitantly tangled in his hair, as you were uncertain if he was okay with you touching him or not.

He sensed your hesitation and moaned in approval as you testingly tugged at his blonde locks.

His moan vibrated against your core, causing you to buck your hips up toward his face.

He grunted at this, using one of his arms to pin you down to the couch by your stomach, while his other arm pushed your flailing leg away from his face so he had more access to his meal.

“So good, baby. So fucking good,” He growled into you, his cock growing harder underneath him as more of your juices began to gush onto his face.

You didn’t know how it was possible, but he managed to pull you even closer to him as he licked a long stripe from your dripping hole back up to your clit, before he dipped his tongue inside of your clenching cunt and (quite literally) fucked you with his tongue.

You were a mess above him, your hair matted and stuck to your sweaty forehead as you relished in the feeling of his tongue collecting every drop of your arousal.

“‘M gonna cum, so fucking close, please please–” You begged him with your eyes closed. He took a glance up at you, wanting to watch you come undone on his tongue.

“SHIT!” You screamed, the euphoric bliss of your first orgasm knocking the wind out of you.

Yoongi hummed and pulled his tongue out of you, slipping two of his fingers into his mouth before lining them up with your cunt.

“You with me, babygirl?” He asked. You opened your eyes so you could see him, but you immediately closed them again ad he slid his digits into your wet hole.

“Ughh, oh my fucking God!” You let out a broken moan, tears welling in your eyes from the overstimulation.

“Hey, you’re okay, hm? I need to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible if you’re still willing to take my cock.” His words were caring, although there was a bit of cockiness behind them, almost as if he knew that you still would be in at least some pain from the stretch.

The thought alone excited him.

“Just a little bit more, okay? Hold out for me.” You were about to protest, when he pressed his hand against your lower stomach and began to piston his fingers in and out of you like a machine. 

He curled them perfectly against that little spot inside of you that had your eyes rolling toward the back of your head, and your toes curling in pleasure.

Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you came for the second time within a five minute span.

Yoongi left you to yourself for a moment as he hastily tugged his jeans down, not wanting to waste time to pull them off completely. 

He was so eager to have your little cunt pulsing around him.

He fished around in his back pocket for a condom. He was thanking himself mentally for forgetting to take it out the last time he wore those jeans a few weeks ago.

“Could you be a doll and roll this on for me, baby?” He tore the wrapper open with his teeth and quickly tossed it aside as he handed you the slippery thing.

You took it with shaky hands, still not completely over your last two orgasms as you gently grabbed his cock and spread the condom over it.

“Oh, fuck.” He growled, the feeling of your little hand spreading over his throbbing dick enough to make him cum right there.

He desperately needed to be inside of you.

He grabbed his cock and began to rub circles around your clit, the small action making you gasp for air because of how sensitive you already were.

“Think you can still handle me?” You looked up at him. He wasn’t smirking, but you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Mhm, j-just please, be gentle.” You whimpered, and Yoongi nodded as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

For now.

He pushed just the tip into you, instantly catching your lips with his to prevent any sound of discomfort from leaving your mouth.

“Ready for some more?” He asked sweetly, as he pressed his forehead against yours. You winced, but nodded anyway.

He pushed the rest of his cock into you inch by inch, attempting to nullify the pain a bit by leaving kisses along the side of your neck and jaw.

“You’re taking me so well, ____.” He sat still for a moment, letting you adjust before he rocked his hips slightly.

He looked at you for approval, and when you nodded once he began to set a slow, steady rhythm with the pace of his thrusts.

“‘M not gonna last long, baby. You’re squeezing me so tight, I can barely fit my cock through.” You weren’t sure what it was about the way that he was talking to you, but it just made you clench around him even harder as he began to pick up speed.

“I need you to cum with me, Princess. Can you do that for me?” You nodded eagerly, already on the brink of insanity.

He licked his thumb and brought it down to your clit. You squeaked, and he grunted above you as he tried to ease himself inside of you without hurting you.

“Now, cum now.” He ordered, his arms shaking as he held himself up above you to prevent from collapsing on top of your chest.

You came with your mouth held open in a silent moan, your legs spasming around Yoongi’s waist as he slowly pulled out of you.

The corruption was only beginning.

“Hungry? I’m sure the food is plenty cool now.” You laughed breathlessly at his lame joke, as you covered your face with your hands while trying to catch your breath.

“I’ll go grab some for you, but I’ve got a question for you first.” He paused. “No, wait, two actually.” You glanced at him.

“Go for it.” You said, voice hoarse.

“Would you let me take you out sometime? I mean, on a real date?” You scoffed.

“I thought you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend or something.” You laughed. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I was.” You froze.

“I backed out, though.”

“I mean, I would’ve said yes.” He snapped his head toward you.

“You would have?” You nodded, a small smile on your face.

“In that case, will you be my girlfriend, then?” You giggled at his shy demeanor, a complete 180 from how he handled you just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, I will.” He leaned down to peck your cheek.

“My last question...”

“Yeeeees?” You encouraged him to continue.

“Why are your nudes on your laptop anyway?”

“I hate you.”

tag list! let me know if you want to be on it. (you could send me a message, an ask, or just comment under this fic)

@bitchyaus @dontaskshhhhh @taesluttt @1-in-abillion @designjet @peachy-bhun @patpus @koracynthia120 @safi4x @lcnycto @someonewhowannadielol @dreamingsmile @rinastylesworld @fan-ati--c @sincemalik @bts-bay-bee @cestlaviecia @jeonjungkookiiee @bunny-kix03

[myhockeyworld87]

Unexpected - Jamie Oleksiak

Word Count: 3613

POV: Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, language, cooking (is that a warning hahaha)

Notes: You all better thank the anons that sent me love tonight, especially the one that called me a queen. Girl we are all Queens! But I love you so much you get this Jamie O story early!!! Happy Reading and thank you guys for hitting 500! Peace, Love and Hugs all!

When you met Jamie at a mutual friend’s house, it wasn’t surprising that he caught your eye. At six foot seven, the man literally drew attention just by walking through the door. Though his frame made him quite intimidating; it wasn’t until later in the evening that you learned how much of a gentle giant the man truly was. His eyes were kind and his smile sweet, a combination that set your heart racing. There was really only one answer to give him when he asked you out to dinner, and that was yes.

The two of you exchanged phone numbers; talking and texting over the next few days until both of your schedules finally coincided. As soon as you got home, you plugged in your curling wand to touch up a few curls and set to fixing your makeup. Making sure to put waterproof mascara on, as it had been raining all day long. The lights flickered but you paid it no mind as you continued getting ready for your date. You weren’t sure if the restaurant you were going to would be fancy or casual, so you kept your outfit simple. Wearing skin-tight black pants and pairing it with a burgundy long sleeve low cut peplum top. It showed just the right amount of cleavage. Satisfied with your look, you headed out to grab a pair of strappy black heels to top the outfit off.

That’s when you noticed the lightning flash through the windows. It was really coming down now. Wind pounding against the siding of your house. Thunder rumbled as the doorbell sounded, and you found yourself jumping in surprise. Scrambling to the door, you opened it to find Jamie, half soaked from his short walk from his car. You ushered him in without even saying hello, and promptly closed the door behind him.

“Hi there,” you finally managed to squeak out. “It’s really coming down out there.”

“Yeah, about that.” He ran his hands through his wet locks, his head bent low as he said. “I’m really sorry but our dinner reservations just got canceled. Apparently, a tree fell on the building or something.”

“Oh…no big deal, we can go anywhere.”

“It’s kind of a mess out there, maybe we should just reschedule.” You couldn’t mask the disappointment on your face. It wasn’t that you wanted to go out to some fancy restaurant, heck you would’ve been happy with McDonald’s. Spending time with Jamie is what you really wanted.

“I mean sure, we can do that if you want; or we could just make something here.”

The shy smile that played across his lips grew into an all-out grin. “I’d like that.”

“Ok then, dinner here it is. Here, let me take your coat.” Taking the wet garment you hung it up, then headed to the kitchen; Jamie following behind. “Umm…let me see. I’ve got some chicken here.” You dug deeper into the refrigerator searching for other ingredients to go with it. “Oh, do you like chicken alfredo?”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Great! I make a killer alfredo sauce.” Grabbing the remaining ingredients you set them on the counter, then went back to the fridge. Glancing in the crisper, you took out stuff for a salad to go along with your meal. “Oh my gosh, I forgot to ask if you wanted anything to drink. I’m a horrible host.”

Jamie chuckled, a sound you felt deep within you. “I’d say you’re doing a great job, considering this is the spur of the moment.” When you turned to look at him, you saw his eye taking in your appearance. “I haven’t been a very good date either since I forgot to mention how beautiful you look.”

Heat rose to your cheeks at the compliment, and you bit the corner of your bottom lip, a bad nervous habit you had. “Thank you.” You countered. “Aside from the wet head, you look pretty good yourself.” You set the vegetables aside, then turned back to Jamie. “So, about that drink? I’m thinking wine. I mean we are going Italian here.”

“Sounds perfect, what can I do to help?” Opening the cupboard you grabbed two glasses and a bottle of your favorite Cabernet, then handed the bottle off to him.

“For starters, you can open this, then I’ll get you started on making the salad.” While Jamie worked on uncorking the wine, you got out the pots and pans you needed to make the chicken alfredo. By the time you had chicken in the pan and went over to wash your hands, Jamie had the wine poured and handed you a glass.

“Here’s to the unexpected and everything that comes along with it.” It was an interesting toast, and you were hoping that only good things would come for the rest of the evening. You clinked your glass with his, both of you taking a generous sip; then you set the glass aside.

“Now let’s get cooking.” You went to hand him the container of greens when a loud crack of thunder scared you half to death and you dropped the container back on the counter as you practically jumped closer to Jamie. His hands came instinctively around you, and it took you a minute to regain your senses as you breathed in his clean manly scent. You felt his large hands rub soothing circles against your back. All you wanted to do was lean closer into him, but instead, you found yourself looking up into his piercing blue eyes. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that thunder.”

“I’m not complaining.” He smiled down at you, and you felt your lips slide up in return. Slowly he leaned into you, as your heart started to beat a bit faster. That’s when you heard a pop in the pan.

“Shit!” You shifted out of his arms, to run over and flip the chicken. “I totally forgot about this.” He just laughed softly, some things had lousy timing. After the chicken interruption, the two of you continued making dinner. Jamie cutting up the salad, while you worked on the sauce. There was a stream of endless chatter as the two of you got to know each other better. He’d gently poke fun at something you would say, while you chirped him back about fighting on the ice all the time.

The water was boiling for the pasta when he came up behind you. “Dinner smells delicious.” He was so close, leaning over your shoulder, as you stirred the alfredo sauce. He bent down, and you could feel his warm breath on your neck.

“Would you like a taste?” Oh god, your cheeks flushed at the wording you’d just used, for you definitely weren’t thinking of the sauce at the moment.

“Sure.” You held the spoon up but gently blew on it before bringing it up to his lips. His hands slid around your waist as he drew himself closer for a taste, a movement that sent heat straight to your core. “Mmmm tastes even better than it smells.” Setting the spoon back down, you looked over your shoulder at him and noticed a small amount of sauce on his upper lip.

“You have some right…” You motioned to the spot but then decided to be bold. Moving your thumb up you brushed away the excess food, but when you went to move back, Jamie caught your wrist and drew your thumb into his mouth; swirling his tongue around it. Your knees went weak and your panties grew wet. The man hadn’t even kissed you yet, though if it was anything close to what he was doing now; you’d probably dissolve into a puddle. When he finally released the digit, his hand moved to cup your cheek, as his lips drew near. Eyes fluttering shut, you gave yourself over to Jamie. His lips were soft and gentle, just slowly caressing yours. He didn’t demand anything from you, just a melding of two people. He pulled back before deepening the kiss. You felt lightheaded, and just a bit dizzy, but all in the best way. He kept his hands around your waist, keeping you steady as you looked up into his smiling face. “That was nice.” You finally breathed out.

“Yeah, it was.” The grin that broke out on your face was infectious, as you could see the exact same one on Jamie.

You took a deep breath and stepped out of his embrace to finish up dinner. “Can you grab a couple of plates from that cupboard right there?” Taking the tongs, you picked out a piece of angel hair out of the boiling water to test it and see if it was done. It was perfect, so you tossed it into the colander and drained it. Jamie handed over the dishes and you artfully arranged the chicken alfredo and salad on it. Grabbing the wine, you and Jamie headed over to the table to finally start your first dinner date. “Bon appetit.” You said, raising your glass to Jamie’s.  

He dug into the meal wholeheartedly. “Wow, this is amazing. You’re a really good cook.”

“Thanks.” You answered in between bites.

“This is so much better than when they make this for us before games.” He took another forkful.

“They cook for you all you guys before every game?”

“Yeah, both home and away, before or after practice as well; but nothing this good.” You weren’t a hundred percent sure he was telling the truth, yet it was still nice to hear. “So do you cook like this every night for yourself?”

“Well, not every night, but most. I actually like to bake more than cook.”

“Really? So, what are the chances I can get you to bake for me?” His cute little smirk came back out then and you felt yourself melt just a bit more.

“I’m sure it can be arranged.” The conversation went back and forth like that all through dinner. It was so easy to talk to Jamie, and while he initially came off as shy; once he seemed comfortable the conversation came easy. The storm continued on outside, and you suspected with the amount of rain coming down there would definitely be areas of flooding. The lights flickered a few times, before suddenly going out when a particularly loud bang of thunder and lightning hit. “Crap looks like we should’ve lit these candles.” You could barely make out the outline of Jamie’s tall frame, but then the lightning would strike again and it would illuminate his face. “Hold on and I’ll grab some more.” Carefully you made your way over to your purse and took out your phone, turning on the flashlight, so that you could get the matches from the kitchen. The soft candlelight gave the room an intimate glow, and so you lit some of the others you had strewn around the house. “There much better.” Since you’d both finished your meal and had just been sitting there chatting, you suggested the two of you move to the living room.

Jamie grabbed the bottle of wine and refilled both of your glasses before sitting down on the sofa. Instead of taking the seat on the opposite end of the couch away from Jamie, you decided to sit next to him, both of your knees tucked up underneath you. His arm rested across the back of the sofa and you felt him take one of your loose curls and twist it in his fingers, before saying. “You know, I think this has been a better first date, then what I originally planned.”

You smiled. “I think you’re right.” His hand moved to softly knead your neck, the touch gently coaxing you closer to his body. His free hand grabbed your wine glass and moved it to the end table, then reached over and cupped your cheek. You felt yourself lean into him, in anticipation of the kiss to come.

He was so close, as his eyes moved from your gaze to your mouth. “You’re so beautiful.” He softly whispered, before his lips gently caressed yours. His hand at the back of your neck pressed you slightly forward and your hands moved to his chest, as you opened for him. His tongue swept in, stroking against yours, eliciting a moan from you. Each of you learning what the other liked as the kiss continued. Desire pool within you, and you found yourself wanting more. He slowly pulled away, and you whimpered from the loss of contact. His breathing was harsh, as he pushed your hair to the side to rain soft little kisses to your now exposed neck. “So sweet.” He murmured.

“Mmmm,” you couldn’t suppress the moan that left your lips when he hit a particular spot on you. Your hands threaded through his hair and he gently nipped at your skin, before returning to explore your mouth again. A low growl escaped him when you deepened the kiss. The kiss was needy, tongues swirling and seeking more from each other. His large hands roamed up and down your back, until they lightly caressed your sides, just barely touching the outside of your breasts. You moaned into his mouth, the sound primal and wanting. Finally, he cupped your breast through your shirt, running his thumb back and forth over your nipple. The action causing the dampness in your panties to become wetter.

You pulled back from the kiss, in order to catch your breath, though Jamie continued his assault on your nipples. Tossing your head back you moaned again in pleasure. His hands left you then, moving to the hem of your shirt. “Can I?” he asked.

You hummed your agreement and raised your hands to assist him. His gaze took you in, and you could see the lust in his eyes. It spurred you on, and you moved to straddle him. Jamie placed his hands on your hips to help lift you onto him. You could feel his hard length through his pants and you were half embarrassed that he would feel how wet you truly were. All thoughts left your brain though when his mouth latched on to your nipple through the lace of your bra. Your hips rocked forward, feeling him hot and hard beneath you. Jamie growled, deep and low from his chest, as you tested the waters again by rocking gently into him. He slid your bra strap halfway down your arm, before taking your breast out and suckling on the nipple. Your hips start to move of their own accord, and vaguely you realize dry humping him before he stilled you with a hand on your hip. “Easy babe.” He tenderly breathed out.

He went back to kissing your mouth, this time at a slower pace. His tongue taking its time, just languidly swirling with yours, as he pressed your chest closer to his. His long fingers, traced down your spine, leaving your body covered in goosebumps, as he removed your lace bra. He was stoking a fire in your body and you wanted more. You unbuttoned his shirt, needing to feel his warm flesh. His muscles were hard, beneath your fingertips; and when he deepened the kiss, your nails dug into his skin.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you stayed like that. His mouth molded to yours, unhurriedly kissing you in the soft candlelight. After an endless assault on your lips, his hands finally trailed down to your hips, where he slowly rocked them into his. You weren’t sure who moaned first, you or Jamie. Pulling back from his lips, you rained kisses all over his neck and chest, and he picked up speed. Moans filled the air, and before you knew what was happening, he lifted you off him and laid you back against the sofa. His large body loomed over you, and you licked your lips in anticipation. “Damn (Y/N), when you do that…” He blew out a breath. Your fingers hooked around the loop of his pants and you pulled him closer to you, that smirk that did unholy things to you returned to his face. There was nothing else you could do but kiss him.

His hands trailed over your body, as his large palm cupping your sex. A blush stained your cheeks, as you knew he could feel your wetness through the fabric of both your pants and panties. The heel of his hand, pressed down on your mound, sending a jolt of pleasure through your entire body. “Mmm…Jamie.” Reaching up, you pushed his shirt off to caress his body; nails raking down his chest as he continued to rub your pussy.

He lifted his palm off you, only to move his hand to your waistband. His eyes looked at you questioningly before proceeding any further. You nodded your head for him to continue, and he wasted no time undoing the button and sliding the zipper down. You lifted your hips for him to shimmy your pants down. His heated gaze trailed down your body to your black lace thong. “Mmmm pretty. Did you wear this for me?” His fingers traced the outline of the lace, making you squirm underneath him.

On a breathy sigh, you tried to play coy by answering, “Maybe.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Only a maybe?” He trailed one finger over your clit down your slit, and when he heard your sharp intake of breath, he said. “If it’s only a maybe, then maybe we should stop.”

He let his finger circle your clit a couple times, then took his hand away. “Don’t stop Jamie. Please.”

“Please what (Y/N)? I need to know what you want.”

“I want you to touch me, Jamie, please.” There was neediness to your voice and you didn’t care.

“So, did you wear this for me? Were you hoping I’d see them and want to rip them off you?” Your hips bucked up and you moaned out a breathy yes. “Because I do (Y/N), I just want to tear them off and put my mouth on your sweet little pussy.” He hooked a finger, under the waistband and dipped it between your folds. “So wet.” You arched your back into the touch, as he took his now soaked finger and circled your clit. You were panting now, aching for more. “Lift up babe.” You did as commanded and were rewarded as he slid your panties off of you.

Trailing his hands, along the inside of your thighs, Jamie worked his way up to your core. He blew a breath on you, and your hips bucked. His strong arm came to rest across your midsection to hold you still, as his tongue flicked your clit. “Oh god, yes” you moaned out. It felt like you were on fire and his tongue had only touched you once. He licked again, the act making your body tingle all over. When his mouth latched on to your clit and he began to suck, you felt your orgasm start to build. Never in your life had you been this close to the edge this soon and if he hadn’t been holding you down, you were pretty sure you would’ve fallen off the cliff already. He continued to lap at your clit when you felt his finger slip between your folds and enter you. You gasped, inhaling sharply as pleasure course through you. “Oooohhh”

He started to pump his finger in and out of you. Your hips rising as much as they could with his arm stretched across you. “That’s it (Y/N)…” He breathed out. “Cum for me baby.” When his finger made a come here motion, that was all you needed. Sensations of pure bliss took hold of your body and your pussy spasmed all around his finger. You didn’t recognize the noises that came out of your mouth as you screamed out your pleasure. Jamie slow licks continued through your orgasm until you finally collapsed back on the couch; then he slowly climbed up your body. Bringing his face to yours, you kissed him, tasting your essence on his lips.

You skated your hands down his body, to his fly and undid the button there. Reaching down you felt his cock harden at your touch, and Jamie sucked in a breath through his teeth. As you stroked him you realized that he was a large man in every sense of the word. For a minute, you were nervous about his size; but then he kissed you again and all the nerves left. You pushed his pants and boxers off him and his cock sprang free. It felt hot and heavy in your hand as you stroked it a few times until his hand grabbed your wrist to stop you. “I don’t know if we…” His voice trailed off.

The electric came back on then, lighting up the room with a million watts of power. The two of you both squinted from all the light. You took the moment to resume stroking Jamie. “Are you sure you want to do this?” His tone serious and respectful, and you knew if you told him to stop he would.

“Jamie, I want this…I want you.”

“Then maybe we should move this into the bedroom.” It was the perfect suggestion and you nodded your agreement. He lifted off your body, extending his hand to help you up.

You quickly blew out the candles, before grabbing his hand and leading him back the hallway. “You know, this has been the best first date I’ve ever had.”

He kissed you hard as you crossed over the threshold of your bedroom. “It’s not over yet babe.”

[missguomeiyun]

Homecookings [July ed]

Another month, another monthly post :D Gonna keep the intro short bcos I have Olympic things to catch up on!!

Salmon taco~

Steak woohooooo! We encountered a steak deal earlier in the month so we got several packs of these. Yum!

This looks sad but this was also during my night shifts, where I ate 6 meals over 24 hrs..... so it looks relatively “light” lol

Daikon + beef soup with thick rice noodles. I can’t recall when the last time I made this soup was but it’s so simply to make. Instead of using salt to season, I used my Korean salted shrimp sauce.

Another one of my night shift meals - pretty sure this was lunch. Anyway, it’s soba noodles with salted seaweed, with ginseng chicken soup. My mom made a big pot & portioned it out so I just need to re-heat it in the microwave!

I made chicken + rice cake skewers again~

Zero dressing salad: tomato, cucumber, corn, the chili lime tortilla strips & seasoned salmon.

I made 2 portions of this, where half was my dinner & the other half was my lunch the next day. I used 1 package of the Knorr sidekick pastas (the fettuccine alfredo), then mixed in some tortellini, sausage, & frozen spinach, & added some mozza cheese + butter. Turned out pretty nicely!

Dumplings with cheese! K you guys need to try this out bcos it’s amazing! Pan-fry some dumplings of your choice, take off dumplings, melt a layer of cheese in your pan & then re-introduce the dumplings when the cheese is melted.. . You’ll get dumplings with a side of stringy cheese :D

Dinner for myself :P chicken soup, pan-fried chicken breast with seaweed, & kimchi + tofu (+ napa cabbage).

Okay so.. . the Olympics. I’m just following badminton, & oh goodness! SO MANY UP SETS! It’s crazy!!!

Thoughts on some specific matches:

- Ladies singles final (China vs Chinese Taipei). I felt really emotional for Tai of Chinese Taipei. .. According to the commentator, the 2 (Tai Tzu-ying & Chen Yifei) have had head-to-head 18 times. This match was #19. 15/18 were won by Tai, but sadly she couldn’t pull thru on the match that mattered most =(  it was a great match to watch regardless!

- Mens singles final (Denmark vs China). Good for Denmark’s Axelsen!!! He did an amazing job, both attack & defense were very well-played. Not sure what happened to Chen Long, but he seemed really exhausted even at the beginning of the match =/

- Chen Yifei vs An Seyoung (in knock-out stage) - An played well but for a 19 yr old, I think she lacks experience in reading shots, if that makes any sense. She has a high endurance & unbelievable reach, but I found her to be like. .. being the moved one majority of the time & not really moving her opponent around. This match highlighted that. But definitely a badminton star to look out for!!

- playing against team mates. You know, I’ve always wondered how athletes feel when they’re competing against their own team mates, esp when it involves being on the podium. Like Korea vs Korea for ladies doubles bronze, & China vs China in mixed doubles gold medal match. ..

- Canada’s top badminton star: Michelle Li. I watched her last match against Japan’s Okuhara. It was a sad game. Michelle hit a lot of shots out. ..

I didn’t watch many matches of the mens doubles; the ones I did watch were (clearly) forgettable -.-” I haven’t had time to watch the gold medal match yet so I’ll get on that!! But judging from score line, it was a breezy win for the top spot on the podium.

Anyway, ttyl!

[cosmicsung]

terrible things; bang chan

so don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose

masterlist in bio | based on terrible things by mayday parade.

happy birthday channie! sorry for posting straight up angst on your birff odifhvod

tw: female reader, death, terminal illness

There were a million things that Chan was able to talk about, or create stories about to entertain his son. Yet, on his son’s 21st birthday, he finally felt the wind taken from his lungs and his tongue stuck in the middle of his throat.

“Why do you never talk about mum?” He asks, swishing his beer around in the semi-frosted mug, “You tell everyone about how you learned about love through her yet you haven’t told me a single thing about her. Where are the pictures? Where are the stories?”

Chan stared at his son. Tears already filling in his eyes because he’s never been able to tell his son how much he looks like you. He’s never had the strength in him to tell his own son the love story that was created by the two of you, but tonight… was different. Tonight Chan needed to tell his son how much he loved you and why falling in love is such a dangerous game, and that’s exactly what he did.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Chan was twenty-two when he first met you. Seeing you across the bar, smiling widely as you sipped on your cosmopolitan and laughing with your friends. His eyes couldn’t leave you. He felt his heart sped up as he watched you say something to your friends before throwing your head back to laugh. There was something about the way you looked while you laughed, the way that he could see your eyes shine under the bar lights and the way you looked so invested in telling your story. 

He could barely hear what Woojin was telling him, or what Woojin was trying to tell him as he soon gave up when he noticed that Chan wasn’t even paying attention.

“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Woojin asks, setting his glass down and chucking an elbow into Chan’s side teasingly.

“Why in the world would I do that?” Chan laughs, before taking another look at you quickly realizing that you had left the spot. His smile instantly dropped, wondering if maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Of course it was his own fault for not having the courage to even talk to you, but how could he when you were a whole goddess? There wasn’t even a small chance for him to-

“Hey.” A soft voice greeted from behind him.

Woojin choked on his drink and sent glares at Chan to turn around. You were standing right behind him with that same cosmo in your hand and a bright smile wrapped on your lips.

“H-hey.” Chan choked out, not wanting to believe his eyes because maybe fate was playing a trick on him. Or maybe he was too drunk and he was finally going crazy.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, but I saw you staring for quite a while.” You laugh and Chan could feel his heart began to beat out of his chest. After seeing you laugh and wondering what it sounded like, he was finally able to know. “Just wanted to at least say hello or something, my friends all think you’re really cute.”

“My friend thinks you’re really cute too!” Woojin shouts before begin shoved by Chan who turned a dark shade of red.

You giggle, watching the two of them argue under their breaths before Chan turned back around to continue talking to you.

“You aren’t too bad looking yourself though.” You smile before waving goodbye to the two boys.

Chan didn’t know if his ears played tricks on him, he froze in the moment before finally snapping out of it and running to catch up to you.

“Hey!” He calls out, taking a hold on your wrist and spinning you around, “Can I take you out for dinner sometime?”

And you’d never tell Chan, but you were so glad he finally found the courage in him to do it.

It took another week and a half before you received a text message from Chan. You smiled to yourself while reading the message, thinking to yourself that he probably found more confidence because it was short but straight to the point.

‘You, me. Dinner at 7 at the High Point downtown.’

As you thought your Friday night was going to be spent sitting on your couch watching reruns of some crime show, you had to run from your boring office job to your apartment to get ready for a fancy date with one of the most attractive men you have ever laid your eyes on.

You weren’t sure what to expect from the date. Were you nervous? Hell yeah. Were you almost as excited as you were nervous? Most likely. There was something about Chan that was so intriguing to you. Maybe it was the way his dimple pressed into his skin whenever he would smile. Or the way his eyes shone so brightly whenever he would laugh after saying something to his friend.

If only he knew, you were just as interested in him when you first laid eyes on him at the bar as he was with you.

“Hello gorgeous.” He smiled, getting up to greet you. He pulled out the chair for you and called the waiter at the same time to take your drink orders.

His eyes were on you the entire time. Even after you both shared a plate of alfredo because you didn’t realize how expensive the restaurant truly was. Plus you both rather spend the money on the expensive wine that the British waiter kept recommending.

“Sweet grapes that were fermented over a hundred years.” Chan mimicked, in a snooty fake accent before laughing almost to the point of tears.

“Chan stop, he’ll hear you!” You laughed, feeling your stomach ache at the amount of laughing you’ve done the past hour.

You couldn’t help but laugh as hard as he did too. Maybe it was the entire bottle of wine you both shared finally hitting you. Or maybe it was the fact that you were quickly falling in love with a handsome Australian hopeless romantic. His words not yours.

The next few weeks were spent falling deeper in love with Chan and his smallest quirks. The way his nose would crinkle whenever he laughed. His soft curls bouncing whenever the two of you would dance at ungodly hours to music that you both loved. His honey rich accent lacing itself on every word he would say to you, whether it was just a response to you or sweet nothings into your ear while you both were cuddling. Chan had found his way into your heart… and you weren’t opposed to it.

Then on your two year anniversary, you laid on the freshly dewed grass with him. The stars shining brighter than you had ever seen in your life. Your heart racing as you thought back to the item you were dying to show Chan but were at the same time too afraid to know his response.

Chan noticed the change in your demeanor and sat up, looking down at you with a warm smile.

“What is it sweetheart?” He asks, pressing his palm against your cheek.

“Promise you won’t get mad?” You ask in return, hoping that he wouldn’t be upset with you.

“I would never baby.”

“I’m three months pregnant.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You’re so beautiful.” Chan says through his tears, cooing at his newly born son who was fast asleep in his arms, “You look just like your mum.”

You smile peacefully at the sight of the two of them. Your two most prized loves in the universe. There was nothing that could change the amount of happiness you were feeling right now. At least, that’s what you thought for the next several months.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Leading up to your son’s first birthday, you were scrambling to work enough hours to get a vacation day. You went back and forth from work and home, with little to no hours of sleep with the thought that you were on top of the world for being able to do so. At least that was until you were waiting on your papers to print and the world around you went dark.

“Good morning, Ms. _____.” Doctor Lee greeted, a soft smile on his face. His eyes were bright, reminding you of the once life you had in your body before working way too many hours a week.

“Good morning.. Is everything okay with me? I’m sure it’s just overexertion right?” You start stammering, hoping to God that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with you. There was too much for you to live for.

A great boyfriend and a precious son for you to come home to every night. A wonderful job that took you months to land. You were still so young. There couldn’t be anything seriously wrong. Why would there be? You were pretty healthy. You had flying colors at your last physical exam. There were the occasional migraines that began to frequent more often, but that was only because you were overworking yourself right? You were fine. There couldn’t be anything wrong with you. Right?

“We’ll have to do some more testing, but when we did your initial MRI… we might have found a tumor.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A month passes. You had another few tests performed. Yet there was not a single word, you said to Chan throughout the entire process. You didn’t have the courage in yourself to tell him. You didn’t know how to.

You spent your son’s birthday together, smiling and laughing. Celebrating the life of your precious child, who you would give the entire world to if you could.

The next morning, you had gotten a call from the doctor’s office about the possible tumor being an actual tumor and that you needed to come in immediately for further testing.

You ended the call with tears in your eyes. Yet when you saw Chan turn the corner to walk into the room, you faked the biggest smile and kissed him goodbye, telling him you’d see him after work. He waved a loving goodbye to you with a full heart, holding your son in one hand and your heart in the other.

“There’s a possibility that it’s benign, which can be taken out with surgery.”

“And if it’s not?”

“If it’s not benign, then it would cross the territory of being malignant. A malignant tumor is extremely risky, since it can grow aggressively and rapidly. Then that goes into the talk of what type of tumor it could be, which is many different types.”

Your brain flickers to the thought of Chan and a teardrop rolls down your cheek. Why now? Why after you found your happy ending?

“How long will the testing last?” You ask, feeling your body grow weaker as you think about the series of test you’ll have to go through.

“It depends, but the sooner you start the sooner we can find out.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Five months pass. You hold your hand to your mouth to hold back the sobs that were ready to escape. Your doctor presses a firm hold on your shoulder, hoping to give you comfort yet there was nothing that could give you comfort.

“Glioblastoma. I’m so sorry. It’s too advanced to take out with surgery as it has spread towards your brain stem and most likely will go towards your spinal cord with time.”

“You’re lying.” You cry, feeling the tears continue to fall, “This can’t be true.”

“Would you like for me to call a loved one?”

“How long do I have?”

“From twelve to fifteen months. Throughout the entire process, we will continue to observe you and conduct monthly exams.”

“What if I don’t want the exams?”

Your doctor sighs and nods, almost as if he was expecting to hear you respond with this, “We send you condolences the last exam we give you, which would be today, and let you live the rest of your life the way you would like.”

Every thought you had was clouded by the pain and grief you were feeling in every ounce of your body. You weren’t thinking about your wellbeing, but instead how you wanted to spend your last days with Chan and your son.

“Thank you for everything doctor.”

And that same night, you went home crying. Crying over the fact that just when you thought the stars and planets have finally aligned in your favor, you were thrown the worse curveball you could have ever been thrown.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I booked a babysitter,” Chan whispers, pulling you into a hug as you batted your eyes open, “well.. It’s technically just Woojin, but I got him to watch the baby so we can go out.”

It took you a few seconds to not see stars and focus on Chan’s face, but you smiled anyways. You needed a day with just Change… even if it was just for a night.

You hummed in response, feeling a pain at the side of your head but ignoring it as you had grown used to doing.

“So, let’s get up. Get dressed in something pretty, which won’t be hard because you already are.” He laughs, pressing a kiss on your temple. Little did he know that you wanted to cry at the small gesture. Little did he know that you only had just over a year left together.

You put on one of Chan’s favorite dresses on you. It was rewarding to see that beautiful smile wrap on his lips as he twirled you around in your shared bathroom before he wrapped his arms around you.

“Let’s go live like we did when we first met.” He chuckles, pulling you down to the kitchen where Woojin was sitting as he watched your baby boy.

“We’ll be home by midnight.”

“You better or we both will go out to hunt you down.”

“I promise Woojs, thank you for this.” You smile, as you squeezed his shoulder.

You didn’t know what Chan had instore for the both of you, but you did know that he was taking a hell of a time to drive you two to the place. For most of the day, it was spending a few hours at your favorite breakfast place, laughing and dining together just like you both had done when you first started dating. Now you had been driving together for at least an hour and a half, before you got curious as to where he was taking you.

“Are we there yet?” You whine, turning the music down.

He smiled before checking the clock, “almost there. I swear.”

Then he drove onto a dirt road that lead towards a field of sunflowers. The sun was just beginning to set behind the beautiful, tall flowers. Your head was racing, almost forgetting about the pain that you had been feeling as you wondered of how Chan even knew of a place like this. A place that was almost like it was ripped out of a fairytale book you read as a child.

“What is this?” You ask, getting out of the car as Chan held the door open for you.

“Something I’ve been wanting to show you for months now.” He responds, grabbing your hand to lead you further into the field before you both reached a small fountain in the middle of it.

Now you were really wondering what Chan had up his sleeves.

He grabbed both of your hands, swinging them around softly with that cute little smile on his face. His dimples pressing deeply into his cheeks as he stared at you, almost like he knew that you both didn’t have much time left together.

“Close your eyes.” He whispered after pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. Your heartbeat began to quicken as you closed your eyes, picturing your boyfriend and the beautiful sunset that was beginning to hide behind the tall sunflowers.

“Now,” He says, “open them.”

You opened your eyes to Chan on one knee and a small red velvet box in his hands, revealing a beautiful diamond ring to you.

“Marry me?” He asked, tears filling his eyes to the brim, “marry me because I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. Marry me because when I laid my eyes on you at that bar, I knew I fell in love. Marry me because you are my soulmate and I wouldn’t change that for anything else in the world. Marry me… because you have my heart and all I want is to be able to call you my forever.”

Your heart sinks. Your smile fades and your eyes pool with salty tears even if you thought you had none left. You wanted to run, but your feet wouldn’t move. You wanted to scream but your voice remained silent. You couldn’t tell him no… but you definitely couldn’t say yes either.

“Baby?” Chan asks, beginning to feel the anxiety of you not answering him eating at him.

Your tears fell to the dry ground, as you fall to your knees. Your cries were silent, but you felt the pain wrapping itself onto every part of your limbs.

“I can’t.” You sob, “Chan I can’t… I’m so sorry. I can’t.”

He immediately wraps his arms around you, bringing a wave of comfort to you even if it wouldn’t fix anything. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn't stop aching. You couldn’t stop wishing that you were given a better fate.

“Chan.. I’m dying.” You say, almost as a whisper, as you look into his dark brown eyes, “I don’t have long. I was so scared to tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Wait what?” His face went pale as the box fell out of his hands. He joined you with both knees on the ground and almost losing all strength in his body to continue.

“I love you Chan. I really do.” You say, your hands finding their way to cup his face, “You were the best thing to ever happen to me baby. I love you and I always will.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Chan doesn’t realize he was crying until his son pointed it out. A shaky chuckle escaped his lips as he took another sip from his, now, room temperature beer.

“Will you tell me?” He asks, reaching out for a comforting hand to his father.

“All I can tell you is to not fall in love… because there’s just too much to lose.”

As there were a million things that Chan was able to talk about, or create stories about to entertain his son. Yet, when it came to the tragically beautiful love story that he had written with you, Chan felt all of the wind escape from him and he wasn’t able to say anything even if his mouth opens. 

[ewritesthangs]

The Proposition

Authors Note: I had this idea for a Halstead sibling fic. So here it is. It’s also an Antonio Dawson fic. I hope you enjoy! Also, I wrote this 3 times.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Smut, oral sex (female receiving), swearing.

Tag List: @halstudandruz @alievans007

2nd person POV

Antonio Dawson x Halstead!Reader

Part 1

The music rang through your apartment as you made your dinner. You were in an oversized sweater, courtesy of your elder brother Will, and his now too small for him joggers. You were not expecting anyone to come over. So when there was a knock on your door interrupting your hella wonderful dance moves, you jumped slightly and groaned loudly so the person on the other side of the door knew you were upset. 

“Y/N, let me in! I texted you!” Your partner bellowed. 

“I didn’t think you meant it!” You retort, as your door creaked open. 

“You said you had booze and were making your famous fettuccine alfredo. I was not going to miss that.” He smirked as he walked in, shrugging his leather jacket off. 

You rolled your eyes and closed the door before following Dawson into your kitchen. You strain your pasta and mix it into the sauce you were making. “Want to taste?” You hold the spoon to his lips, for he was standing next to the stove with a beer in hand. He takes a bite and his eyes roll back into his head, moans of taste ecstasy escaping his lips. 

“Holy shit. That is so good.” 

“It’s my mom's recipe.” You smile, proud you could do her proud with your cooking. “Go sit, I will bring you some.” He sits on the stool at your island, before you hand him a bowl of pasta. You sprinkle a little bit of freshly grated parmesan on top. He waits for you to sit next to him before he devours his first helping. 

“God, you have the brains, the hots, and the cooking power. I think I’m in love.” He jokes, before helping himself to another serving. When he sits back down, his hand rests on the back of your stool. “Did your mom teach you how to cook?” He asks, turning slightly to face you. 

“She did teach me a little. But I mainly learned from the chefs at the base and my brothers. They taught me what not to do.” Giggles erupt from your chest. 

“You know, you really are the whole package. Bad-ass, beautiful, intelligent, know how to cook. It’s a wonder how you are single.” 

“Well, my brothers tend to scare off any guy or girl that looks my way. And if they do get past them, they usually end up hurting me. So ya, I have just stayed unattached.” 

“When was your last one? With that Brien kid right?” 

“His name was Dylan, and yes. That was about 3 months ago?” 

“So you haven’t had anyone since?” 

“Why are we talking about this?” You gave Antonio a puzzled look. 

“Look, I know I am probably too old for you. But I thought that maybe we could, you know. No strings attached?” He motions between you two with his hands, becoming slightly embarrassed for even asking. 

You pretended to ponder the thought, with your hand on your chin as if to think about your answer. “Dawson, you are one hell of a man. I have wanted to take you since I was, like, 20.” 

“Not so innocent when you were younger like your brothers thought you were.” Antonio chuckles, a smirk following suit. “You grew to be one hell of a woman, Y/N.” He leans in towards you and ducks his head down. 

“Is this really happening?” You whisper, blinking your eyes rapidly. Dawson just closes his eyes and presses his lips to yours. The kiss was super soft and sweet, at first. Then he presses a bit more firmly, his hands moving to cup your cheeks. Your hands rest upon his biceps as the kiss sends shivers and tingles through your body. He elicited many sensations from within your body with just a kiss. You wondered what other feelings he could bring out. He moves the hand that lay atop of your chair to your back to bring you closer. The kiss was getting more intense, tongues began to move together. The kiss elicited a moan from your vocal cords. He pulled back a bit to catch his breath. Your teeth brought your bottom lip between them. He groans and stands up. His hands slid down just below your butt cheeks before hoisting you up. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, your hands cupping his neck. He kisses you again, tongue automatically going into your mouth. Antonio walks you to your couch. “Shirt. Off.” He mumbled between kisses. You strip the sweater off, exposing your braless chest, a spaghetti strap t-shirt covering what’s underneath. You had a few tattoos on your chest. Tugging at the edge of your shirt, Antonio pulled your shirt off to expose your beautifully perky breasts.  He moaned at the sight, immediately attaching his lips to your right nipple. He had sat down at that point. He starts to suckle a bit, nip, flick. All the things that made you go wild, the warmth between your legs growing. Moans escaped your lips, his name rolling off your tongue. He switched sides, you began to grind down onto his growing erection. This caused him to moan out, and detach his lips. 

“You are beyond sexy. And wet.” His raspy voice rang through your ears. Your arousal had seeped through your joggers. 

“Please. Do. Something.” You begged, out of breath. 

“Sit on the edge of the couch, princess. Pants off.” You happily oblige, removing your joggers, placing your butt right at the edge of the couch and leaning back. Antonio begins to strip, only to his boxers, leaving you to still wonder how his member looks. Your mouth watered. He sunk to his knees and spreads your legs wide. “You have no idea how long I have wanted to taste you.” He bites his lip, leaning in and grabbing your lace underwear with his teeth. You lift your butt slightly to help him get them off. He looked so damn sexy. The dampness between your legs grew into more of a dripping sensation. You could feel it slipping down your slit to the couch. He kisses up your legs, calf to thigh, each leg. He wanted to show your body attention, every inch of your body. Your aching with anticipation, your breathing became erratic. Soft kisses are placed upon your slit, before he snakes his arms around your thighs. Sucking your clit into his mouth, he begins the pleasure. Your gasp at the contact and moan loudly, your fingers tangling into his hair. His tongue starts to flicks against your clit, this has always driven you insane. Your hips buck instinctively, causing him to chuckle ever so softly. He moves his attention to your vaginal opening. He tongue fucks you, causing you to moan out loud. 

“Antonio. Fuck just like that.” He curls his tongue up, hitting your g-spot. The scream that was emitted from you was unexpected. Nobody has ever been able to do that to you, that caused your head to roll back and your back to arch. “OH FUCK!” You were wriggling beneath him, putty in his hands. One of his hands began to rub your clit in circular motions. The coil inside your body began to tighten up, signaling you were ready to cum. “Fuck fuck fuck i’m gonna cum.” Antonio just hums in response, too busy with pleasing you. The loudest moan you had ever emitted came out as you came, more like squirted. Antonio pulled back, watching as you squirted all over his torso. His boxers were soaked with precum. Your body shook from the amount of pleasure in which you just received. He cleans up your vulva, moaning at the taste. 

“Fuck princess. You taste so divine. And you squirted all over me. That was beyond sexy, I could have cum just watching you.” You were panting, trying to catch your breath. 

“I have never squirted before. You know how to make a woman scream.” You were slightly dazed, so Antonio took this time to unravel his arms from under your thighs and take his penis out. It stood at attention, the tip red and throbbing. You had sat up and were finally able to see how he was packing. He was very girthy, very nice length. You moaned at the sight. He pumped it a few times. 

“Your turn, Mr. Dawson.” Your voice was sexy, sensual, inviting. Antonio shook his head, causing you to become confused. He holds his hand out, pulling you to your feet. 

“I want to fuck you. In your bed.” He pulls you into his embrace and kisses you again, his right hand cupping your jaw and cheek. This kiss was pure passion, hints of lust seeping through. You wrap both arms around his neck. He scoops you up, one arm around your waist so you’re just slightly off the ground. 

“Second door on the left.” You breathe out. Antonio nods, and walks you both there, you still being off the ground in his muscular embrace. You leave open mouth kisses on his neck, eliciting a small moan when your kiss his sweet spot just behind his earlobe. A smirk dances across your lips. Before you had the chance to delve into his sweet spot, you’re thrown onto the bed. Giggles erupt from your chest, knowing he is being playful. He crawls onto the bed, you still giggling like a little girl. 

“You have the most glorious laugh, Y/N.” He expresses, a smile spread across his face from ear to ear. You pecked his lips. 

“Flattery will get you fucked, Dawson. Do something with that glorious cock already.” He chuckles darkly, veering his head down towards your chest. He kisses your breasts before his hand slips between your slightly open legs. He rubs your clit, pressure hard but the circling is slow. He wants to get you worked up. 

“Uh.” You moan out. “Please Tonio.” He just smirks, his hand leaving you. You whimper before feeling the tip of his cock rubbing up and down your slit. He rubs the head against your clit before he slips himself in, but just the tip. All the while he still had his sly smirk on his face. You give him a scowl. “Anto-” You didn’t get the rest of his name out before he slips himself all the way in, not quite balls deep. Moans escape your mouth, legs instinctively going wider for more of him. 

“That got you to stop talking.” He moaned out, unable to hold back anymore. He pulls back, almost all the way out and slams himself into you. You grip the sheets and moan in pure pleasure. He does it one last time before setting his pace. He thrusts at a sensual pace. Not too fast, but not too slow. Just right for your first time together. But his thrusts were hard and deep. You were in ecstasy, the feeling of him filling you finally was just what you have been waiting for. The way he made you feel was intense, impeccable, divine. Your eyes rolled back, back arched off the bed, head tipped back. Hands flying to the pillow in which your head rest upon, fingers gripping the soft fabric of your pillow case. Antonio had a grip on your waist, strong enough to leave some marks. Not bad though. He decided to release them, to lean on his left forearm to thrust even deeper and harder. His pace picked up. 

“Look at me princess. I want to see that pretty face as you cum.” His voice was ultra raspy, right hand turning your head to face him. Your eyes flutter open, the color had intensified with lust. He moaned at the sight of you. “Fuck baby girl. I’m gonna cum.” He had been holding out, wanting you to be pleased first and foremost. 

You bit your bottom lip. “Cum for me Antonio. Let me feel you inside of me.” You moaned out his name, right leg swinging around his waist. Your heel digs into the lumbar area of his back, encouraging him to continue. The familiar coil inside of you getting stronger and stronger. His thrusts get slightly sloppier. Your hands slide to his cheeks, making eye contact with the man above you. He bites his lip, cumming inside of you with a loud moan of your name. It was warm. This caused you to grow even closer. He continues to thrust, riding out his orgasm and bringing you to yours. 

“Cum for me, Y/N.” His hand slithers down your torso to your clit. He begins to rub it furiously. You scream out, your body wriggling under his touch. “Antonio!” You came, hard. All the sensations drove you right over the edge you were teetering on. He watched as your face contorted from the pleasure coursing through your body. He rod out your orgasm as best he could before pulling out and plopping beside you. You guys lay there in silence, the only sounds being your panting. 

“That was. Holy shit. Incredible.” You managed to get out. 

“Thank you.” He chuckles and turns to look at you. 

“So much better than I thought it would be.” You roll over so that you’re laying on top of him. 

“Again, thank you. You flatter me.” 

“Round two?” You wiggle your eyebrows. 

“Hmm, give me some moti- oh. I like the sight of you on top of me like that.” You were straddling his waist. Hands on his chest. 

“Let me fuck you now.”

[bellshellsrage]

Magical Difficulties

[DISCLAIMER: I don’t own AH or HP in any way.]

Word Count: 2,466

Pairing: AH x OC

Summary:

       New friends make things easier.

                                            Chapter 9: Steps

    A fire blazed nearby, keeping the room warm as I read. Salem was curled up on my feet and gave a soft purr every so often to let me know that she was still there, as if her weight alone was not enough of a clue. Hushed voices on the other side of the room and the sound of a quill scratching frantically on parchment was the only inclination that life existed outside of the little bubble the common room provided, and that finals were coming up.

“Hey, I got you some toffee from Honeydukes.”

    I glanced up from my book to see Matt standing in front of me, a small box in his hand. His expression was one of guilt, and I sighed as I sat up slightly, allowing him to sit.

“Thanks, Matt. You know that you didn’t have to do that, though. Christmas is just around the corner.”

He shrugged. “I know how you like to suck on something while you study.” My eyebrows shot up. “That’s not- I didn’t mean- Oh fuck!”

I laughed and shook my head. “I know, Matt. Thank you for the toffee. How was the village?”

“It was… awkward. I mean, it was fun and all, but I think we all kind of missed having you there.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Salem jumping onto my lap and meowing at me. “I think she’s mad that we woke her up.”

Matt reached over and petted her under her chin, making her eyes close as she started to purr. “I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”

“Keep doing that and she’ll be your best friend.” I chuckled. We sat there in silence for a little while, letting Salem absorb all the attention.

“You want to join us all for dinner?” Matt muttered finally, breaking the slight trance I was in.

“Uh… yeah. Sure. I mean, if it’s okay with everyone. I don’t want to intrude.”

Matt scowled. “Did you not hear me earlier when I said that we all missed you today? Come on.”

    He wrapped his long fingers around my wrist and pulled me off the couch. Salem protested, but we were headed out the door before I could say a word. After a few twists and turns, we were standing in front of the doors to the Great Hall.

I froze, pulling Matt to a stop alongside me. “Matt!” He glanced at me quizzically. “What if he’s with them? I can’t… What if I see him again and remember?”

Matt turned towards the door, then reached back to hold my hands. “If anything happens, I’m here. And so are the others. You know that we won’t let anything happen to you.”

    I took a deep breath before nodding and walking through the doors. Our group was seated together like usual, but this time there was an empty spot beside Jeremy instead of by Ryan, who was on the far end of the table. I took my seat and Jeremy smiled at me.

“Hey! I missed you today. But it gave me a chance to get your Christmas gift.”

Lindsay and Meg grinned too. “So did we. Maybe we should make people stay in the castle more often.”

I smiled at their attempts to make me feel better before our attention was drawn to the front of the hall. McGonagall was standing at the podium, and we all quieted down as she prepared to speak. “Now, we all know that winter has arrived and with that comes final examinations and the Christmas feast before we depart for the holiday. If there are any of you who wish to remain here for the holiday, please inform your Head of House as soon as possible. And please do not wait until the last possible moment to begin studying for the final examinations, as they require a great deal of work.” She shot a pointed glance at Michael, Gavin, and Alfredo. “Enjoy the meal.”

    We started to eat, and everyone started to joke and laugh about what they had seen in the village while I sat in silence.

“And when that rouge broom knocked that board over and hit the old bitch in the head! I thought for sure she was going to jinx Gavin!” Michael cackled in glee, his eyes disappearing.

Gavin squawked. “She came at me! And I was just standing there!”

They all laughed, and I felt Jeremy chuckle beside me before elbowing me. “What did you do today? Did you piss off Ray again?”

“No. I stayed in the common room and read by the fire with Salem.”

“The entire time?” Neal piped in.

I nodded. “The entire time. Can you pass the potatoes?”

The table fell silent, as if they didn’t know what to say. Finally, Trevor broke the silence. “I was thinking about staying here for break.”

“You usually go home.” Jeremy replied curtly.

“I know. But with it being the end of our group as we know it-”

“Way to be a downer.” Larry muttered. I chuckled and Larry smirked, pleased that he had gotten me to laugh.

“I just thought it would be cool to hang around here.”

We all grew silent again before I sighed. “I doubt that McG would let me.”

“She’s not the Head of Hufflepuff.” Geoff replied with a glimmer of mischief in his eye.

Suddenly, Ray was hovering in the center of the table. “What are you fuckers bitching about now?”

I rolled my eyes. “We were talking about the right way to get rid of a ghost.”

Jack smirked, catching onto my plan. “I want to exorcise you.”

“I say burn the bones.” Ryan added as he stared at his plate. I turned and met his half-lidded eyes as he glanced my way before looking back down.

“You guys suck ass.” Ray muttered before he floated away.

Michael and Gavin started to laugh. “That has to be the fastest he has ever left!”

“Nah. I’ve made him leave just by saying ‘hi’ before.” Matt replied, earning another laugh.

“Oh man. Not even the ghost wants to be near you!” Andy sneered. I glared at him and he ducked his head.

    After dinner, I went back to the common room. It was much quieter and I sighed as I settled into the couch I was in before. Salem appeared again and curled up in my lap as I grabbed my book. Geoff had followed me, and he sat down on the other end of the couch. We read in silence for a long while before I noticed that he was watching me.

“I’m not a book, Geoffrey.”

He jumped, as though he wasn’t expecting me to speak. “Huh?”

I glanced up at him, looking over my book. “I’m not a book. Stop trying to read me.”

“Oh. I uh…” He slumped down, defeated. “I’m worried about you. All this shit… it’s not good for you. And locking yourself away in here all day isn’t good either.”

I smirked and went back to my book. “If you haven’t noticed, Geoffrey, I like locking myself away in here.”

“It’s not good for you. And stop calling me that.” He sat forward and gently placed his hands on my knees. “I’m worried about you. You’re like a little sister to me and I want to protect you, but I can’t do that if you won’t let me.”

I closed my book and scooped Salem up. “You especially can’t do that if you’re not here.” He flinched at my sharp tone, but didn’t respond. “Goodnight, Geoffrey.”

“Goodnight, Renee.” He muttered to my back, his tone making me ache as I walked away from him.

    A few days later after classes were over, I went to the library. The room was filled with groups studying and I wove my way through the rows of books until I neared the table that Neal and I had claimed years ago.

I stopped around the corner from it however, because I heard voices. One of which I did not recognize.

“It seems like she’s having a hard time too.”

The voice was female, and carried a warm accent that I couldn’t place.

“Oh, so now you’re on her side? Thanks a lot.”

    The response was from Ryan, and my breath caught when I realized that they were talking about me. I debated on what to do, and in my unresponsiveness, I stood frozen and heard more of the conversation.

“What I’m saying is that you guys were so close, and maybe she wants to be close again. But she doesn’t want to get hurt. Try to start over.”

Ryan sighed. “But how do I do that when I still feel how I do?”

    Footsteps behind me made me turn and I saw Neal coming towards me. He met my eyes, then glanced at the table before giving me a slight shove. Ryan’s head shot up at the sudden motion, and his eyes flicked over to the girl. She was sitting with her back to me, but I could see her bright blue hair that framed her face. Neal silently sat down and nodded an acknowledgement to the girl before Ryan cleared his throat.

“Uh.. Renee. This is Elise. She’s a Ravenclaw third year.”

She turned and offered a kind smile, and I waved before walking around the table to sit across from her. “Hi. I didn’t know that you guys used this table too. I thought it was only Neal, Larry, and I.”

Elise and Ryan exchanged glances, and Neal leaned forward. “Ryan has always studied here with us, Renee. Elise is a new addition, though.” Neal turned towards her. “Why are you here?”

“I offered to help her study. For her exams.” Ryan’s tone was dark and dared Neal to challenge him, and a fire was lit within me.

“Oh really?” I smirked, looking directly at Elise. “What are you studying with your closed books?” She stared at the table, then glanced at Ryan, who cleared his throat again. I ignored him. “I heard you two talking about me. It’s like you’ve been talking about me before today.”

“Renee. Drop it.” Ryan growled.

I finally directed my aim towards him. “Why, when this is so fun?” I grinned. “You know… I’m starting to remember exactly why I enjoyed being around you.” I stood, still maintaining eye contact. “Because it’s so fun to piss you off, you ass.”

    With that, I grabbed my bag and left the table. Footsteps followed and as I turned a corner, I saw blue hair. I stopped just outside of the library and waited until Elise rounded the corner. “You’re quick!” She exclaimed with a smile.

“Yeah, well… Raven-dick pissed me off.” I muttered. She nodded and ducked her head slightly.

“He told me everything that’s happened between you two, and I just want to say that I’m sorry. And for what it’s worth…” She glanced behind her. “He is an ass.”

I laughed, then quieted. “Would you mind telling me what happened? Everyone else knows and acts differently because of it… but…”

“Say no more. I know that perfect place.” She smiled.

    Soon enough we were sitting in an alcove in Ravenclaw tower. Elise had made tea and was recounting the entire tale, laughing at the good parts and calming me at the bad. Towards the end, she sighed.

“And then he asked if I wanted to study with him and I thought that we would come here like we always do, but he brought me there instead, and then…”

I nodded. “The rest is history.”

“In a way, I’m glad that he did what he did.”

I scowled. “Why is that?”

“Cause now I have a new friend.” She rose her tea cup. “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings.” I grinned as I clinked my cup with hers before taking a sip.

    We sat and talked for a while more before it was time for me to head back to my dorm. On my way back out of the tower, I ran into Larry and Neal. They were sitting on a couch together and looked embarrassed before Neal scowled.

“Wait… what are you even doing here?”

Larry’s eyes went wide. “You were with Ryan, weren’t you?!?”

“No, I wasn’t.” I replied quickly. “I was talking to my new friend Elise.”

Neal smiled and Larry looked very confused. “Wait, the third year? How’d you even meet her?”

I smiled and waved goodbye as I headed towards the door. The last thing I heard was Neal’s chuckle. “I’ll explain everything later.”

    Salem was on Jack’s lap when I entered the common room, and didn’t bother to move when I sat beside them. Jack was reading something, but set it down when he noticed the look on my face.

“What’s up?”

I blinked. “Nothing. This is just my face.” I replied too quickly, making him stare at me over his glasses until I sighed. “I met someone today who’s been a confidente to Ryan through all this, and she told me everything. And now…”

“Now you don’t know what to think?”

“No. Now I don’t know if what I did then was the right thing to do.”

Jack shrugged. “You did it. No changing that. It was raw emotion and action. Cause and effect, and the consequences of that. What you do now is more important.”

“Well, I know for sure that whatever I felt for him is gone.”

“What the hell did I just walk in on?!?” Geoff muttered as he sat on the chair on the other side of me.

“Deciding my next steps, Geoff. So good timing.” I beamed before continuing. “Step one… no more emotions first, think later.”

Geoff laughed. “Yeah, like that’ll work!”

“That’s why I have you guys!” Jack nodded but Geoff made a face. “Step two... “ I paused, thinking for far too long.

“Well that’s promising.” Jack muttered, earning a light slap.

“I’m working on it, alright! This place wasn’t rebuilt in a day, and neither will I.”

“Gettin’ real deep.” A monotone voice interjected. “Can’t see the bottom of that one.”

I turned and glared at the ghost in the corner. “Ray, if you’re not going to help, then fucking… go die somewhere.”

“Tell a fucking ghost to go die. Real original.” He deadpanned as he stayed put.

I rolled my eyes and went back to the conversation at hand. “As I was saying… I’m getting there. I just know that I need to change things. I that I’ll need help.”

“Well, good thing we have a lot of friends cause you’ll need all the help you can get.” Geoff muttered. Even Ray laughed as a well-aimed pillow smacked him in the face, making him fall back into the chair.

[thisisnotacomp]

Best Albums of 2020

I am a little bit late posting my list this year. I put it together in mid December but been slow to get it up. Without further ado, here are the best releases of 2020 according to me:

1. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Honestly this was a pretty clear choice for me. EL-P and Killer Mike dropped RTJ4 a few weeks early after the news of George Floyd. This was the perfect soundtrack for what was unfolding across America. EL-P has been making amazing beats since since dropping Funcrusher Plus as a member of Company Flow in 1997. The fact that this album is a both a logical extension of his sound and so fresh 20 plus years into his career is no small feat. While this is the 4th true Run The Jewels album, the pair first teamed up in 2012 for Mike’s R.A.P. Music LP making this their 5th joint album. Killer Mike has been one of the most underrated MC’s and continue to show his chops on RTJ4. In a year that truly needed a soundtrack, Run The Jewels came through in a big way.

2. Ludovico Einaudi - 12 Songs From Home I am guessing most people haven’t heard “12 Songs From Home” which is a bit of a shame. If RTJ4 was the soundtrack of the year in protests the 12 Songs From Home was my soundtrack for the Pandemic lock down. Ludovico Einaudi recorded the album early in the lock down at home on his iPhone. Beautiful songs and simple arrangements helped to calm fraying nerves when the pandemic first started taking over the globe.

3. Tootard - Migrant Birds Here is another album that most of the world will never hear. If 2020 would have been a normal year, who knows if the great tracks here would have caught on to a wider audience. I guess it doesn’t matter. Migrant Birds was exactly what I needed to hear during the summer lockdown months. Upbeat 80′s disco sounds from the middle east transformed my backyard in Seattle. I am pretty confident that my most listened to track of the year was Moonlight. But the real gem of the release is “Stone Heap of the Wild Cat”. I mean its close to 4 mins of pure gold. 

4. Bill Callahan - Gold Record As the Dj Khaled drop goes Another One. Gold Record is Bill Callahan’s best release in 10 years. I loved 2019′s Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest but there is just something about his 2020 release. It feels more like a true album start to finish than that album did. If you like Bill Callahan you have heard this album. If you like music and haven’t track it down. It doesn’t disappoint. 

5. Kelly Lee Ownes  - Inner Song If there is one thing that I am starting to notice as a move into middle age is that I prioritize releases from my favorite artists and don’t search out new music quite as much. I find it hard to accept new artists into this group. In 2020 Kelly Lee Ownes made the cut. Her 2017 self titled album was great but 2020′s Inner Song was above and beyond. Her sound is one of my personal favorites. I have always had a soft spot for fantastic low key electronic music. To do it right is really hard to pull off but Kelly has done it not once but twice. Start to finish Inner Song doesn’t miss a beat. Great Record

6. Caribou - Suddenly Home was one of my favorite tracks of the year. It was the first single released from Suddenly in late 2019. At the time my wife was traveling back and forth to NYC. The track hit the spot. Then the lockdown helped it to take on an even deeper meaning. Another great release from Dan Snaith.

7. Westside Gunn - Pray for Paris Pray for Paris was the best rap LP of 2020. Start to finish Westside Gunn killed it. Also, anyone who pairs with DOOM gets extra points in my book. R.I.P. MF DOOM. 

8. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero's Death Great follow up to their 2019 debut. If they keep this up they will be one of the best rock acts of their time. Side note, I was really hoping that the new Idles LP would be special. While it had its moments, it missed the mark. At least Fontaines filled the void.

9. Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans Four Tet took a step back from the more dance floor ready tracks on New Energy his 2017 release. Sixteen Oceans is a much more subdued affair which suited 2020 prefectly.

10. Sam Hunt - Southside  I am not a big fan on country music. While Southside needs to be categorized as country it is really a pop record. There are 4 incredible pop tracks on this release. Hard to forget, Kinfolks, Young Ones and Body Like A Back Road. While the album as a whole has some shortcomings, these tracks make up for them and more. 

11. Fleet Foxes - Shore This release came out of nowhere mid summer. Beautiful stuff.

12. Fuzz - III III is the 2nd best Fuzz LP. Best Original Fuzz, Fuzz III followed by Fuzz ll. Ty and team always bring it. 

13: The Budos Band - Long in the Tooth Back to basic’s from the best brass band on earth. Long Live Budos

14. Against All Logic - 2017 - 2019 Nicolas Jaar continues to release amazing dance music under his AAL name. 

15. Pop Smoke - Meet the Woo Vol. 2 R.I.P. Pop Smoke. Who knows what you where you would have gone if you were still here. 

16. Matt Karmil - STS371 Solid Electronic/Techno/House start to finish.  

17. Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo Gibbs recent output has been fantastic and Alfredo is no different. And a grammy nomination for best rap album. 2019′s Bandana LP with Madlib was a better release but it didn't get the grammy love. 

18. Jessie Ware - What's Your Pleasure? Jessie Ware gets back to what she did best on her debut LP Devotion. Much better than her previous albums. Great pop tracks start to finish.

19. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind “Gospel For A New Century” is hands down the best lead off track of any album released in 2020. That beat is just incredible. Only problem with starting off your album with the best track is it's hard to match for the rest of the album. While it is the best track off the album the rest is great with stand outs like Kerosene! & Super Stars.

20. Shabaka and the Ancestors - We Are Sent Here By History Jazz is alive and well.

21. 21 Savage & Metro Boomin - Savage Mode II Savage Mode II is banging. One of my favorite rap tracks of all time is Ocean Drive from the first Savage Mode. That track is damn near perfect. II is dope as well with the highlight being Runnin’

22. Woods - Strange To Explain Weekend Wind is one of my favorite songs of 2020. Its over 7 mins long and I wish it would keep going. So great. 

23. Benny the Butcher - Burden of Proof Griselda is killing it. They are the best Rap collective at the moment. 

24.  Yaeji - What We Drew Waking up Down. So good. 

25. Drakeo the Ruler - Thanks For Using GTL Rap LP recorded entirely over the phone for jail. And it's damn good.