#I have lots of other thoughts about the bay-verse movies

[girlscience]

Watched transformers with the family last night and I have opinions!! Mostly about Mikaela tbh. I just think she should have been the mc or at least gotten a spin-off or had the second movie be about her. She is just so much more interesting than Sam. You learn nothing about Sam the whole movie except that his great great grandpa was a cool explorer and that he wants a car. No backstory, no knowledge of his home life really other than he has jokey parents that bicker frequently and that he has a dog. He likes girls?? Literally that's all the personal information you glean about him. I guess he gets braver through the course of the movie as well.

Mikaela though? She has a full and interesting backstory. She was raised by her dad, they were poor, he stole cars, sometimes she stole cars with him, they were caught at some point, and she went to juvie while he went to prison. She is now out of juvie and attending a regular high school. Her experiences as a kid led to her having an interest in cars and mechanics. I know it mostly came from objectification, but with the way she dresses you can get a sense of her personal style; it has a very strong aesthetic. She even gets a bit of a character arc starting off as a pretty shallow individual who doesn't seem interested in anything but herself, and by the end of the movie she has formed meaningful relationships with Sam (at least on her end) and with Bumblebee (to the point she risked her life for him in the final battle and helped him take down a 'Con). All of this points to her being intelligent and caring and brave. She is cool!!!!

And then movie two comes around and she gets dropped like a rock :/ I get why Megan Fox would want to separate herself from the franchise. They clearly didn't treat her well, and only wanted her for male gaze eye candy, but it sucks. Mikaela was very interesting and I think they could have done something really neat with her, but instead they went for the "everyman self-insert fantasy" because who would want to watch a robo smash-up gore fest with a female main lead.

[yorshie]

Hello, fellow raccoon here 🦝 If it’s not too much trouble, could you write about sharing a bed for the first time with the Bay!verse turtles?

Ah! Another raccoon! Thank you for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this one! I went with head canon style.

Bayverse x reader, SFW other than bedshare, set in 2023 so turtles are 24-25

Tags: @jackalope-in-a-storm @tmnt-tychou

MICHELANGELO

This sweet turtle got his nest all ready when he heard you were finally spending the night. Brought in your favorite snacks, hunted down all his extra pillows from around the Lair, and restocked his mini fridge in case you got thirsty.

So when the time finally came and you go drop your bag off in his room, there is not a free spot to be found. His bed is a mountain of pillows and blankets, the small coffee table shoved in front of his tv has everything from pizza, microwavable food, and what looks like three different flavors of cookies piled on top of it.

Not gonna lie, its a bit intimidating. You might even have faltered, if sunshine boi wasn't right behind you with your toiletry bags, happy go lucky energy rubbing off until it felt like the spotlight wasn't directly on you.

the rest of the night is spent in typical Mikey fashion, a.k.a. a game and movie marathon. His brothers occasionally wander past his open door to say hello and to see what the two of you are up to. They might have a bet running on how much Mikey smothers you and how long you'll allow it. Even Splinter is in on it, thought the old rat refrains from making an appearance so his youngest doesn't feel like he's doing something wrong. He wants to marry his sons off eventually, after all.

When you eventually get tired and it's time to delve into the towering abyss of pillows that have taken over his bed, Mikey's territorial side makes an appearance. The door gets shut and locked to avoid anyone that might think it's a good idea to pull a prank (none of his brothers would but Mikey is paranoid because he is the prankster), and he wastes no time diving in after you for some cuddles.

oh. ok, maybe there's too many pillows, because now he can't find you! He's lost his significant other! Cue a mini chase where most of his bounty ends up in the floor in his search. You are not getting out of cuddles. No amount of wiggling or hiding will save you.

the actual cuddling is quite nice. Mikey's warm and his bicep makes for an excellent pillow. He likes to lay face to face, with your head tucked under his chin, limbs entangled and churring up a storm that you knew would have his brothers wincing in second hand embarrassment if they ever heard all the turtley noises he made when it was just the two of you.

He definitely snores, though. And farts in his sleep. Fact of life, don't get mad, because we all do it sometimes, most of us just aren't a mutated turtle man with a noxious gut fueled by pizza and sour patch kids. Dutch oven him with his own farts as payback.

in the morning you'll definitely wake up first, though as soon as you start to move Mikey will be alert. Call it sixth sense, but all the turtles are hyper aware of their own personal spaces and who's in them. I hope you weren't planning on getting an early start that morning, because now that Mikey's awake he's ready to continue the movie that you getting sleepy paused the night before. While getting more cuddles and eating breakfast in bed, of course.

LEONARDO

he internally started creating lists as soon as you accepted his sleepover proposal. Panics a little and moved the date once to make sure his sheets are washed the day before. Everything in his space has to be perfectly so. If someone interupts his cleaning and prepping, they better expect to have their head bitten off. Will have a literal panic attack if you arrived early.

You, of course, notice nothing out of place when he presents his room for your inspection. Yes, you read that right. This turtle will practically sweat as he waits for your verdict on whether the nest is good enough. No, he doesn't realize what he's doing. If you pick up on it don't tell him or else he might start panicking again.

The two of you will actually not spend too much time besides sleeping in his room, most of your time will be hanging out in the main living area. This serves two purposes: as the eldest Leo wants you to get along with all his brothers, and two, the thought of his bothers coming by his room to say hi to you absolutely drives is reptile brain crazy. So you'll eat and hangout with everyone else, and try not to laugh at the subtle teasing you know your turtle is going through with the whispered jokes and laughter that seem to stop every time you turn around.

When it gets late enough and everyone starts peeling off to do their own thing, you'll have to let Leo know you are ready to go lay down. Hilarious if you think He's going to suggest it's time to head to bed to you, he's trying his hardest not to think of the words "you" and "nest - BED! he meant bed!" in the same sentence.

when you finish your nighttime routine and make your way back to Leo's room, don't be surprised to find him on a makeshift pallet on the floor. There is no way you couldn't have seen this coming, but don't worry, there's an easy fix. Simply get in his bed, close to the wall, and start shivering. Loudly. Ham it up. In no time flat you'll have a turtle sneaking up next to you to keep you warm, though at first he will be hesitant. Cuddling you in the privacy of his own room with the expectation of sleep is very different from just chilling with you.

despite Leo trying to be a gentleman during the beginning, leaving you a bit of space and trying his hardest not to crowd you, by an hour in he will be wrapped around you. As he slowly gets tipped closer and closer to the edge of sleep, the more loose he will become. And once he gives in and gets used to the cuddles, he will never want to stop.

He clicks and chirps in his sleep sometimes. You woke up thinking there was a baby bird or something in the room, only to discover the high pitched noises were coming from him, before he transitions into deeper churrs from his chest right in front of your eyes. If you keep very still and quiet he might not wake up, but he will be traumatized if he does and discovers he makes these noises

There is very little chance of you waking in the morning before Leo. This turtle gets up early, but maybe just for today he can slip back next to you, after morning training, just to feel close to you for a bit longer. When you wake up you could just spend the morning talking, he won't mind being lazy as long as it's with you

You'll most likely be the one making breakfast if the other brothers aren't up yet, as Leo is banned from making anything other than tea or using the strict guidelines Mikey placed next to the microwave. But, he is an excellent sous chef, and after you're both fed he will be quick to suggest an activity so the two of you can hang out longer. Just know he's already weighing his chances of getting you to spend the next night as well.

DONATELLO

Dee had about 50 reminders set in the days leading up to your first sleepover, and a mental list he was practically grappling with in between projects. Anytime he'd focus on what was coming up too much, the butterflies would start going haywire in his stomach and he was likely to drop whatever it is he's holding at the time

Needless to say, he was in a bit of a panic by the time you showed up. Technically speaking, logically speaking, he knew his bed and room where both clean. And he knew you liked spending time with him, so why the anxiety? Why the nerves? He's so nervous, he doesn't even realize you've arrived, moved around his habitual pacing to set your bag on his bed, and now you're simply watching him with fond curiosity.

He shrieks when he finally notices you. Practically has a heart attack and knocks over at least four stacks of meticulously arranged cds and various technological components. Eventually joins in your laughter after he's calmed down enough to see the humor in the situation.

Just this once, Donnie has cleared his timetable of various projects to focus soley on you. That isn't to say that before he's blown you off or ignored you, but by now you are well aware how hard he has to work to contain his wandering mind, al lthe little tips and tricks he uses to keep his focus on the here and now and not bouncing from idea to idea.

The two of you will not be spending too much time out in the main area. The time it takes the two of you to procure dinner is more than enough brotherly interaction for the tall turtle. Not to mention, it turns almost awkward as the other's try desperately to not make prolonged eye contact with anyone else. They learned a long time ago not to tease the brother that controls all their devices and the access to the wifi.

Once Donnie and you are comfortable back in his room, the true hang out will begin. You'll play rock-paper-scissors to pick a movie, Donnie always lets you win, but he gets to pick the music that plays in the background. If you want, he'll access his computer and set up the program to make the lights in his room dance to the beat. Curled up in his arms, it is the easiest place to fall asleep, surrounded by fluttering lights that mimic being underwater.

Donnie may not actually sleep, but he stays with you the entire night. If you wake at all it might be to the idle scratching of pen on paper as he writes, his hand moving in your hair or along your back, or to his soft breaths caught in a light doze, a soft churr rumbling in his chest. If you're also the type to burn the midnight oil, you both might stay up talking long enough that the morning slowly creeps up on you before you both pass out.

Splinter often stops by the Lab in the morning on his way to meditate, if only to wrap a blanket over his son's shoulders and move his glasses to a safe spot. It's an ingrained habit, so much so that it doesn't even register that you spent the night until he quietly opens the door. He takes on look at the two of you holding each other close, and turns away with a smile.

Dee can cook, but most likely he'll order from the diner one block above their preferred manhole cover, and the two of you will sneak out for eggs, bacon and pancakes before secreting it away in his room so you don't have to share.

RAPHAEL

If the two of you are close enough for a sleepover, Raph is going to be the calmest of his brothers about you being in his personal space. Sure, he'll clean up, make sure all his dirty clothes are in his hamper and all the drawers actually shut on his dresser, but don't expect much in the way of fanfare.

He doesn't care where you wanna hang out in the evening, as long as you're comfortable. If you're out in the Lair proper however, get ready for some brotherly jockeying. Mikey almost can't help teasing Raph about having a guest over for the night, but the bigger brother will take it in stride as long as its only Mikey. Donnie tends to stay out of the limelight when it comes to teasing, but you better hope Leo doesn't so much as raise an eye ridge in Raph's direction. To be fair, the blue turtle is likely only drawing attention to how soft for you Raph is, but the two of them earning a trip to the Ha'shi might put a bit of a damper on the sleepover.

Leo's right though, Raph is completely soft for you. You want something to eat? He'll go get it for you without even a huff. You want popcorn for the movie? He'll bring back soda as well. You ask how much he can bench? He'll toe the line between showing off and making sure he can actually handle the weight. You neck hurts from having to crane around him to watch the movie? He'll lay on the ground and let you splay across his shell. You blink at him and sleepily ask to be carried? You're already up in his arms before you can even finish the sentence.

When it comes time to sleep, Raph will insist you take the inside of the bed, close to the wall, but he's thought ahead and gotten you your own pillow so you don't have to share with him. Yes, technically its from Mikey's room, but don't worry he disinfected it with a shit-ton of Lysol and Frebreze and washed the cover. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to cuddle, but of all the things Raph understands in his life, the very first few are the difference in size between the two of you, just how much he weighs, and how strong he is. So he'll tuck you against the wall and lay out on his stomach in one of the few positions that makes it hard for him to tip over. There's just enough room between the lip of his shell and the mattress for you to slot yourself against him, and he'll take the opportunity to slide his arm around your waist and bury his snout in your hair.

He'll hold you there throughout the night, breath slow and even. If you wake, be prepared that any movement will rouse him. He can't exactly help it, and he tries not to make you feel guilty over it, but you can always make out the green shine of his eyes peering down to make sure you are ok before he drifts back off again.

This turtle churrs sometimes in his sleep, but it's not the cute or soothing churr of contentment. No, someone parked a diesel engine in his man and is revving it like he's driving up an inclined gravel mountain road. The only way to get him to stop is to poke the thin strip of skin along his side, repeatedly, until he snorts and shifts. 50/50 chance the shifting will stop the churring. If not, you'll have to repeat the process.

In the morning, he'll dip before you wake, and come back to the room with warm pastries and whatever he's seen you drink in the morning. If you want your breakfast right away however, you might have to bribe him with turtle smooches as he tries to steal back his spot and catch up on the cuddles he's missed being a good boyfriend. Yes, he's holding you hostage, unless you want to try climbing over him. You might succeed if you make him laugh.

At some point in the day, after breakfast and whatever morning routine you keep, Raph will ask you what you want to do. If you want to go home, decompress, he'll take you home, but if you want to stay again and hang out some more you'll get to see the sweetest, softest smile break across his face.

[randomfandoms234]

Transformers au- I had this idea a bit ago of a bumblebee au it’s essentially all the bumblebees are the same bumblebee it starts with g1 bumblebee dying and waking up in cybertron recently coming from the allspark (either idw or bay verse first ) I thought about making in Optimus….but I feel like having g1 bumblebee slowly relive his life in different universes leaves more room for character growth. As bumblebee is more childish and kind….while the way this would go Optimus would already went through a lot of character growth. by the war for cybertron trilogy he’s just done and wants to stay as far away from the war as possible…what makes this funny is that after idw ,idw star screams ghost follows him between universes and now there’s two starscreams… I just love their dynamic and couldn’t keep it to just idw series and starscream will often make snarky comments about his other selves….mostly prime starscream in season three. He also talks smack about alot of the other Autobots particularly animated Sentinal whom is paying for bayverse Sentinal and idw Sentinal’s actions in the form of a ghost and a mini bot bullying him.

G1 goes pretty much the same , idw is bumblebee trying to figure out what the heck happened while slowly becoming wary of humans (why are these ones so mean?! The ones from my original timeline were nice ) becoming a ghost and being seen by only starscream will be explored more as I feel like in this he will be the first to find out. And unfortunately will still become a ghost :(.

Bayverse is bumblebee waking up in the middle of a war with starscream screaming at him to figure what the heck happened to which when bumblebee learns how to talk as he was just found as a sparkling in some rubble (I love the idea of bayverse Optimus finding Bumblebee in some rubble and adopting him really adorable) just looks at him like “yes I can see you and two this isn’t the first time this happened which just has ghostscream shouting “what do you mean?!” They still friends and the autobots just think bumblebee made an imaginary friend this arc is pretty much just Starscream or now dubbed ghostscream adjusting to being dragged along on bumblebees adventures….even though his best friend is now a sparkling heck he’s in the body of a sparkling. Yeah…the whole voice box either getting ripped out or damaged beyond repair trend has got him screaming out in fear but always to late to warn bumblebee. Magic changes to this is bumblebee being absolutely done.in the second movie he be thinking when Sam tries to convince him to go back to Optimus is ‘no please I don’t want to be dragged back into that shit again.’ He and ghostscream do eventually learn to use sign language in this. Ghostscream be seeing these decepticons just being evil for no reason and is like “atleast we had a reason what the heck?!” Ghostscream also hates the humans and will absolutely shout “Finally! We can show them a thing or to for constantly picking fight with autobots who knew if you pushed hard enough they’d fight back-oh wait I did!”

Animated has the most changes just from bumblebees personality alone. Bumblebee in this would be quiet calm, kind and diplomatic….but also an absolute menace when it comes to Sari. He would be more adept in the boot camp (which I feel in he would be dragged into) and would leave with Bulkhead when he was kicked out of the boot camp. He wouldn’t suspect Wasp for being a Decepticon spy because in IDW he was a part of spec ops. Leaving because he wanted a break from all the drama (which ghostscream wholeheartedly agrees with after the whole Bayverse drama ) only to be screaming in his head when he finds out he’s apart of Optimus’s team he now knows things will end up going to sh*t soon but he decides to enjoy a break while he can. Him being more calm despite his young age changes most of the character dynamics. (I feel like the older bot’s would think something bad happened in his sparklinghood that made him the way he is ) This would also have a heavy hit on the plot as one of the Allspark shards makes ghost scream semi-visible and able to be heard but still not able to be touched. Yea…that will be alot of explaining to do. You know that black stuff that shows Bumblebee didn’t leave his prison dimension fine and dandy that most likely killed Omega Suprime yea that shows up when he’s angry and longarm/shockwave notices that won't be good…

Primverse has ghostscream hating on Megatron even more (he followed his other self to the nemesis only to see Megatron jab a Chrystal into his spark chamber with no care on how it would effect him he is screeching his head off at how unsafe that was to bumblebee later whom started using sign language again. Cue more bullying and Unicon stating something about bumblebees weird death touch thing. I also feel during out of his head Meagtron finds out about Ghost scream. Due to Ghostscream telling him to get out of bee’s f*king head. He then reveals the other being that resides around bumblebee which then in turn allows the rest of the team to figure it out.. The kids end up asking ghostscream a lot of questions and bumblebee would translate for star scream and Raf will translate for bee. Will also cover robt and the games when I come up for ideas for this

The war for cybertron trilogy is just a bunch of misadventurss of bee and ghost scream avoiding the factions and attempting to stay neutral (then the alpha trion protocol happens and bee has another voice in his head telling him to go be Optimus’s friend which is another time of Ghostscream screaming in the background )

Cyber verse is a trip because bee losing his voice but also because wind blade is there. And bumblebee loses his memorys which the first arc of this would be ghostscream desperately trying to find out how to help him. I think it would be funny if Starscream got dragged into bees he's as well during those sections, just for the giggles of wind blades reaction. Starscream would also find out about ghost him hilarity ensues. Bumblebee probably tried a lot for the revolution to still happen but not the war. Cheetor also knows cause he can weirdly sense ghost screams spark

The new movie verse also is. a trip because bumblebees Coma Sector 7 is horrible to Bee and ghost scream knowing his ‘friend’ is alive but in a coma….he likes Charlie because they were kind and weren't like…most of the other humans. Bee has to get used to the name change till he can find a valid way to change it with weird looks on what the heck a bumblebee is. Rotb is a trip due to Mirage ( they aren't used to middle-child Mirage) and Bumblebee dying..again. This universe is going to give Ghostscream a panic attack

Earth spark is just. Bumblebee doesn't care anymore eye just wants to live with his new family in peace so whenever a Decepticon shows up around him it's more of a “you can stay at my place but if you do anything to harm my kids I will end you” :) He’s…… just indifferent at this point There's probably going to be a bit which is just Bee and the kids (and ghoatscream) hiding the Decepticons from Megs and Optimus when asked why he's doing this he just says “I agreed with a lot of the stuff the Decepticons said at the start of the war but a lot of stuff happened and I ended up siding with the Autobots and being on earth has taught me the difference between nice organisations and shady and most likely are evil ones and Ghost isas shady as they come”. He seen how most organizations treat their kind and he sees the signs in ghost. Surprisingly this makes him a lot of new friends and the kids just look at bee and find themselves agreeing with him. They eventually meet ghostscream via science experiments and ghostscream is like “you kids are cool” because he is also indifferent at this point

Might make this story to help get rid of my writers block :)

[lord-squiggletits]

Hi! Hope it's not a bother to ask, but since you seem highly well-versed in IDW Megop... have you (or anyone) made a kind of Megop-focused comic timeline or a chronological rec list for what comics to read if you want to get into IDW Megop? Sorry if there's one already out there that I'm missing. I'm new to the Transformers franchise (haven't even ever watched the Bay movies) and I've chaotically been watching different things, but what I've read and seen of IDW Megop seems fascinating.

Your Pay Unto Evil was one of the first fics I got recommended for getting into the ship, actually. I read that with zero knowledge of any kind of Transformers canon and it made me cry at 4 AM after I couldn't put it down, so just... many thanks for writing and sharing all your amazing work!

No, not me nor any of my mutuals have made a timeline for IDW MegOP. If you're interested in it though, I'd definitely start with Chaos Theory + Police Action (The Transformers 2009 issues #22-23) as that's literally Peak IDW MegOP Being Gay Old Men for each other. It was also literally the first thing I read of IDW1 myself, hahaha.

And then to get more IDW MegOP, I would recommend just...reading more of the comics? Because the thing about IDW MOP is that it's not like, say, TFP where Megatron and Optimus interact frequently and get a lot of cool teamup/fanservice/etc moments together. IDW MOP is the kind of MOP where they get a few key moments together, and the rest of their chemistry just comes from...... the way they think about each other when they're apart, the way that each other's actions as leaders/people affect the trajectory of each other's lives, the respect and easy casualness they have with each other despite their position as enemies. There aren't really many "ship" moments like "oh, they have this conversation together that's super gay" except for Chaos Theory, rather it's a ship where you have to read between the lines a little and observe the way they interact with each other/talk about each other to see the chemistry they have together. And in order to understand the significance of those interactions/thoughts/reminders between each other, you have to actually read the story as a whole and understand the things that contextualize IDW Megatron and Optimus' close orbiting of each other.

As pretentious as this sounds, IDW MegOP isn't the kind of ship where you can point at a few moments in canon and go "here's proof they're gay for each other/have romantic chemistry," it's more like a bunch of reading between the lines and thinking about their histories together and coming to the conclusion that these guys are so fucking intertwined together.

And that's really one of the main appeals of IDW MegOP to me; it's that, tragically, they never really GOT chances to interact with each other as people and mostly existed as diametrically opposed military/political leaders. They have parallel character arcs that involve rising as heros, falling into villainy/moral grayness, and coming back up into some semblance of goodness. They share a lot of the same grief about the pointlessness of the war and the way they're individually, uniquely responsible for things getting as bad as they did.

Their personalities and struggles are similar enough that they're basically two sides of the same coin, where you see a few of the same core values (desire for justice/equality, passion, anger, keeping emotional distance from others) and it makes you go "IDW Megatron and Optimus are basically the same guy, just put in two completely different life situations and fucked up by what happened to them and the shitty messages they got from their mentor figures." And in the end it creates this really tragic version of MegOP where you feel like they COULD have been great together, if the trajectories of their lives and their fatal flaws hadn't conspired to separate and pit them against each other at virtually every turn.

It's not something that I could really recommend specific series or issues to you, it's just an overall vibe that IDW MegOP has. That being said, I and my mutual @quetzalpapalotl have a lot of good posts about IDW Megatron, IDW Optimus, and IDW MegOP (mostly she has the good posts, I just babble shit on my blog and post fan fiction) that could possibly intrigue you into reading specific series?

[sincerelyveronica]

A Blade So Black-Review

I finished this book a few weeks ago. I had an interesting journey with this book. In the beginning, I started reading the e-book because it was available for my kindle. I did see the audiobook but I really wanted to force myself to read the e-book. I did take a while to get through it, reading a chapter every morning. But, my loan time was running out, so I switched to the audiobook after getting to chapter 8. Needless to say, I did like the book and really appreciated the imagination. Per usual, let's give you the summary.

Summary:

The Nightmare Verse Series 1-

The first time the Nightmares came, it nearly cost Alice her life. Now she's trained to battle monstrous creatures in the dark dream realm known as Wonderland with magic weapons and hardcore fighting skills. Yet even warriors have a curfew.

Life in real-world Atlanta isn't always so simple, as Alice juggles an overprotective mom, a high-maintenance best friend, and a slipping GPA. Keeping the Nightmares at bay is turning into a full-time job. But when Alice's handsome and mysterious mentor is poisoned, she has to find the antidote by venturing deeper into Wonderland than she’s ever gone before. And she'll need to use everything she's learned in both worlds to keep from losing her head . . . literally.

4/5 Stars

A Blade So Black was truly a unique retelling of Alice in Wonderland. I really loved the imagination and world-building that went into this book. It's a different concept then the classic story and much of its imagery reminded me of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland movie. I really enjoyed that Alice Kingston was from Atlanta. I loved being able to know what parts of ATL she was in at certain scenes. Y'all know that I love me complicated and layered characters. Alice's character didn't disappoint!

Alice was definitely layered in a way that I didn't expect. I won't go too much into spoilers but I will talk about this one plot point. I find it relevant to my current thoughts. In the beginning of the book, Alice is running away from the hospital after receiving news that her father passed away. The grief that Alice carries throughout the book was heavy. There are other things that contribute to her grief but the death of her father was the biggest factor. I found myself remembering my own grief at times. I could remember exactly the way my heart would constrict or how I would fight so hard to keep my grief at bay. That was something I really understood with Alice. She didn't want to break down because if she did, she didn't know how she could pick up the pieces of her broken heart. She didn't want her grief to reminder her of the finality of it all. I got that, deeply. You could tell the author had as well. She poured her heart into those moments and really expressing the ways grief clings to your heart. It was something I didn't expect in the story but appreciated the character moreso.

This story was really action packed and Alice was literally saving Wonderland and the rest of the world. She really had no time to break down. We all know that storing away your emotions doesn't get you far. It lead to A LOT of angst. This was my only take away. I really don't have patience for angst as I use to. Obviously, this book is a YA book. So the teenage angst was at an all-time high. I found myself getting really frustrated with the angsty dialogue. I understand that teenagers are full of it. But it can really get annoying after a while.

Aside from that, the book really picked up and surprised me with its ending. I'm very curious to see where the rest of the series goes. It's a great fantasy starter if you're looking for a new series to get into. I really appreciated the diversity and I loved the Black Girl magic lead. As I said before, I want to read more black stories with black girl leads. A Blade So Black had the magic I was looking for and an imagination out of this world.

Can't you believe we will be in April in a few days?! Time flies by when you're having fun (reading a billion books)!

XOXO

Sincerely,

Veronica

[samurairobotics]

* Bay Area Magazine (May 7, '99)

EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL THING?

Mike Patton puts his faith in Fantomas and Mr. Bungle So what if Faith No More is actually no more? Doesn't mean there aren't worlds to plunder. You've seen Imperial Teen (ex-keyboardist Roddy Bottum) grace these very pages, and perhaps you noticed the dreads behind the drum kit on recent Ozzy tours (Mike Bordin). But what's become of whisper-to-scream frontman Mike Patton?     He's quite busy, thank you very much. Besides forming Ipecac Recordings with Alternative Tentacles veteran Greg Werckman, two notable storm fronts are approaching. The first is the self-titled debut from Patton's hardcore pet project, the Fantomas, with Melvin's guitarist Buzz Osborne,  Mr. Bungle Bassist Trevor Dunn, and Grip, Inc.'s Dave Lomardo on drums. How to describe it... Carl Stalling meets island-era Anthrax? Words for this level of intensity are probably futile, but let's just say when the record hits, Marilyn Manson will have more in common with Stuart Smalley than your mother's worst nightmare.     That's the more immediate future. Then there's what may be an even bigger shocker: the summer release of, as Patton puts it, a "pretty fucking poppy" album from Mr. Bungle? "All I know is that to my ears and the ears of everybody in Mr. Bungle, it's our version of pop music," he says. "We wrote some simple songs, well, they're simple to us. I don't know, it's kind of Bacharachesque, a little bit of Beach Boys. Then there's some other shit that sounds like fucked-up Charlie Feathers rockabilly. It still gets around- put it that way."     Bacharach, Beach Boys and Bungle? There aren't too many bands that can mix Korn's nots with Zappa's schizophrenic sophistication, but these guys certainly aren't afraid to try. We caught up with Mike to talk about both projects.

How did the fantomas come together? i just wrote a bunch of fucked up music that had been swimming around in my head for a while. I probably wrote this stuff two years ago. Sometimes you write you write things and they get lost on your bookshelf, so to speak, and other times you see them through. And this was one that I really wanted to see through. So it was like, "Wait a minute. I've got to find some people to play this shit." Because this is a pain in the ass to play. I mean, it's fun because it's challenging, but, let's be honest, it's hard.

How would you describe the music? Fast. Really, really fast. Hardcore stuff mixed in with some noise, absolutely no improvisation at all, structured down to the bone. It's got a little cartoon music thing going into it, some B-movie soundtrack kind of influence, stuff like that. This music is like constant data being thrown in your face. It's not like verses and choruses. The structure of itis very easy to forget. It's a lot of details. It's a bunch of cherries on top of the cake, with no cake. The goal was to make very weird music that rocked and I think it happened, and thank God I found the right musicians.

How did you get this group together? Trevor, obviously, you've woked with for a long time. How did you get to know Buzz and Dave Lombardo? I knew Buzz from the Melvins, but we were just acquaintances. Same thing with Lombardo. I just met him once. These people came to mind as I was dredging through as many players as I could think of that would be good to play this stuff. The first drummer I talked to was the drummer in Sepultura, Igor Cavalera, a friend of mine. And he was into it, but he's coming from his own place, and I wasn't secure that that place was the right place for this music. Meaning, I sent him a tape and he was kind of like, "Well, these are some nice ideas. Maybe we can jam a little bit on this." Whoa! Wait a minute. This isn't jam music, bud. I know it dosen't sound like a song, but that's what I hear as a song. I was like, "Oh, fuck, the drummer is the cruz of this thing. In this type of music, you're only as good as your drummer." And then I thought, "Oh my God, Lombardo is the man.Of course!" How could I have possibly not thought of him sooner? These were pretty much my first choice guys, and I called them and they were excited and it worked together a little bit too easily. I'm still waiting for some kind of porblems. We all get along too well. The music is fun. We have a good time on the road. It's too easy. Something is going to happen.

Musically, did it come together quickly? We did a couple shows at Slim's. We rehearsedfor five days. They were like 20 hour days--it was brutal. Because not only were we attempting this music, but we were getting to know each other. It's a bit of a psychological adventure when you start a band; you never really know what your're getting. It's a weird gene pool, these musicians. Each one is their own ball of wax. Some more complicated than others. I've known Trevor half my life, so that was a no-brainer, and that make me feel good. Like, at least there's one guy I'm going to be able to count on. Buzz is a fucking wig, you know? He's amazing. But once I figured out how he worked, and how to make him comfortable and excited about this music, everything came together. Dave just chewed it up and spit it out. He's more than the prototype for all metal drummers. But what blew my mind, I think most people that come out of that scene are fucking boneheads. Let's face it. Even if they are good musicians, they don't want to be challenged. They don't want to try new things, especially drummers:"Keep me in the back; tell me what to do." Dave had way more energy than even I had coming into this. At the end of a 20-hour rehearsal he'd go, "I still want to work on this one part of it."

Shifting gears, what's this about the California pop album from Mr. Bungle? Was it a conscious effort to go for  simplicity, or did it just come out? It kind of came out. But when it came out it was like, "Wow, this is really strange. Let's see it through to the end." you know, let's make this record stand on it's own. Let's not worry about the other records we've make, whether it's going to fit into the grand fucking scheme of things, because there is none. Let's make ourselves happy here.

I take it that the music is stylistically all over the map. Pretty mich. There are contrasts, for sure. I don't know really how to describe it. It's over-orchestrated, put it that way. Pretty much on any point in the record, if you drop the needle, you would say, "This is five piece band." That's going to make for a fucked up live show. I don't know how we're going to do it, epecially the vocals.

You normally did all the harmonies on previous recordings. Are the other members of the band going to be doing a lot of singing live? I hope so. If not, we're going to have to hire a small choir or something [laughs]. I'm going to have to sit down and run through Harnony 101 with some of these guys. But they can all sing, so it won't be a big deal.

Speaking of big deals, I remember back on the first album there was some controversy of the song "Travolta," where you chabnged the title to "Quote, Unquote." Did anything ever really happen leagally with that? Absolutely nothing happened. Typical record company bullshit, where they create a problem before the problem has happened. It was pathetic. They were afraid that John Travolta, in between making this movie and that movie and trips to the bank, would fucking have the time to listen to a Mr. Bungle record, get upset, call his lawyer and sue Warner Bros. for millions of more dollars. Give me a fucking break!

So that was kind of rammed down your throat? [Sarcastically] Uh, yeah. They said we had to change it. At that time I hadn't been through that many of those kind of scares, hoaxes. And we just kind of gave in. It was kind of like they put a gun to our head: "Do you want your record to come out this month? If you do, you had better change the title." And it was literally at the last minute. I don't know, record companies love to do things like that.

What's Bungle's standing right now with Warner Bros.? I don't know if I'd we're on the chopping block, but they're watching us. Like a hawk, I think. We're on an album-to-album basis with them; we could be dropped at any time. That's my feeling, and I think that's a healthy attitude. Being on an album-to-album deal is, I think, really great in that your're not tied up for seven years in some situation that you can't stand. What happens is we'll make this record, if it sells a trillion copies, then they'll probably want to pick up the option for the next one. If it bombs, they might think about dropping it. To their credit, they've never put any constraints on Bungle. So far, they've been incredibly hands off. Almost suspiciously so. Like, "Do whatever you want," which always makes me think they don't give a flying fuck and may just be trying to humor me. I don't know. I always was suspicious of that, so to see any kind of reaction from them is, for us, i think, a promising thing.We'll see.

From BAM Magazine, May 7, 1999     NO EXIT - by Don Zulaica **Thanks To Marc B.**

[gallusrostromegalus]

PLEASE tell us the dumbest thing you believed until you were like 12

Until I was 12, I didn't understand that localization was a thing, and that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD got the exact same news and saturday morning cartoons as I did.

This was mostly the Animaniac's fault.

So, when I was a kid, I lived in the bay area in CA, and my grandparents lived just north of Burbank, CA and we drove down to the area to see them. If you were a kid in the late 90's you might remember The Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister Dot, who would run amok on the Warner Movie Lot, which was set, in-universe, in Burbank California, which was practically in my back yard as far as I knew as a kid. And since WB was the only cartoons my parents got on the antenna (no cable), I ended up watching a lot of WBKids as a kid. One of the things WBKids did back then was a lot of "bumps" (shorts to fill out commercial breaks) where the characters from one show would interact with others. Originally, it was just the characters in the greater animaniacs verse- the warner bros and Dot, Pinky and the Brain, etc. But then they started aquiring more shows, like Batman and Pokemon, and they... kept making these bumps, like all the characters were actors on the warner movie lot, in Burbank.

Which, SOMEHOW, lead to little kid me assuming that Burbank was the center of world entertainment (given that it's where most Hollywood studios are, not totally inaccurate) and then my eight-year-old brain assumed that the same was true of the Radio and the nightly news- after all, my cousins in Ohio knew broadly about the same world events I did, and I never saw their news. So I thought they were getting the EXACT news I did.

Right down to the traffic reports.

This went totally unquestioned in my mind until one morning in middle school, when I was sitting in my mom's car in traffic, not totally awake, listening to the traffic report on the Radio when I said-

"You know, it's really good we live here in the Bay Area, where the traffic report is relevent."

"What?" said my mother, understandably confused.

"I mean, the news comes on the radio, it's all the world stuff, and then there's the traffic report. It's good that we live here. Nobody in China needs to know that the 101 is backed up again."

There was an extensive moment of silence while Mom attempted to sus out what I meant. We moved a total of 28 feet, probably.

"[Gallus]," My mom said. "You understand those are localized, right?"

"What?"

So my mom sat with me in traffic for the better part of an hour because Bay Area traffic is awful, explaining to me that even if the silicon valley was a regular feature of international news and all the cartoons I watched were set in the city next to my grandparent's house, No, California was not the center of the world. T'was mind-blowing for my uncaffienated middle-schol mind.

And that's how The Animaniacs accidentally misled me into thinking that people all over the world listened to the Silicon Valley Traffic Report.

---

(Hey, so I have probably a couple grand in dental bills coming up (10/24/21). If this amused you, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or pre-ordering the Family Lore Book of insane stories off my Patreon)

[aspenflower17]

Karaoke Night - Spicy Edition 🌶

So, this came about because I was listening to a song and I just really wanted to sing it to Levi during a karaoke night. You guys can blame Lucifer and Asmo for this turning spicy. I have included the songs down below. Please note: these are spicy! If that makes you uncomfy, don’t read :)

@rensphilia

“It should be done now,” Levi said, standing up from the large karaoke machine.

“And you added all the songs I asked you to?”

“Yup.”

Mc grinned, “Thanks Levi! I knew I could count on you.”

“It wasn’t that hard,” Levi turned and lowered his head a bit, trying to hide his face.

“Well, I appreciate it nonetheless,” Mc grinned.

“Do you wanna try it out?”

“Not right now. I’ll wait for tonight. I’ve got something special in mind.”

Mc and Levi had finally convinced all the brothers to come to karaoke night, and Mc was ready to serenade her favorite brother.

Lucifer

Mc had scoured their immense music collection looking for the perfect song for Lucifer. While there had been a lot of extremely sweet songs that could have very easily described their relationship, but the one they kept coming back to was “Master and Servant”. Not only did they think he would enjoy the song immensely, there was a large small part of them that hoped he would get flustered or at least… excited.

They waited until everyone had gotten comfortable before deciding to get up and sing. They were a bit nervous, especially since the brothers had never heard the song before. They got even more nervous when they saw everyone look over at Lucifer when the title came up. He simply kept watching them, his eyebrow lift almost imperceptible.

The opening was not sung by them and was instead the track, which they were very grateful for. When the music started, Lucifer cocked his head a bit, feeling the mood shift.

Mc started singing, feeling their confidence swell, not breaking eye contact with Lucifer.

“You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees. We call it, `Master and servant’,” Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up at that line, and his eyes got really wide, an indication he was slightly flustered, before he started grinning predatorily. Mc grinned back, and danced a little bit until the next verse.

If Mc thought he was flustered before, the second verse made him blink a couple times, though he was smirking the whole time, his “come hither” look making them want to tease him even more by getting more animated and seductive.

Asmo whooped when Mc started completely dancing during the instrumental bridge, leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind what the song is about.

They started walking slowly towards Lucifer when the music changed at the end, giving into his bedroom eyes until they were sitting in his lap, front to front.

He humphed in the way he does, leaning forward to murmur in their ear, “I knew you enjoyed our playtime, but to dedicate a whole song… Maybe I’ll have to give you a treat tonight,” before Mc was practically pulled away by Asmo squealing about how wonderful their performance was.

Mammon

Mammon had been enjoying himself and had even sung a song of two himself. Mc figured it was time to sing him their song. The song choice had taken a little bit of debate on their part, but they felt their feelings for him were best expressed by “Make Me Feel”.

Before they went up, Mc had leaned over to Mammon and whispered, “I’m dedicating this one to you,” which made his eyes light up. Before he had the chance to ask any questions, Mc was already on their way to the microphone.

The music started, and Mc smirked at Mammon. He looked excited, but almost... cautious, as if he could tell what Mc was about to do to him.

Mc closed their eyes, so they couldn’t see his reaction until the chorus. They snapped their eyes open and looked directly at him, delighting in what they saw.

They had thoroughly flustered the Avatar of Greed. Face red enough to almost be concerning if they didn’t already know him. He was leaning forward, hands clasped in front of his mouth, eyes greedily watching them as if it was a private show just for him, which it basically was (Mc was extremely glad he’d forgotten his brother’s were around, as he would’ve spent the entire time trying to get them not to watch).

Mammon averted his eyes, actually bending his head to look at the ground, once he saw Mc watching. Mc strode forward, putting one finger under his chin to lift his gaze to meet theirs. His head moved readily, and grinned cheekily at the act. To make sure he didn’t look away again, took his sunglasses and put them on, essentially marking themselves as his. He leaned back in his seat, running his hands through his hair, something Mc loved.

The energy building between them was blasted out the window when he saw almost all of his brothers either filming him or Mc at the end of the song.

“Oi! Why’re you filmin’ me Asmo?! Put down your phone!” then “Belphie! Ya better delete tha’ video of Mc right now!”

Mc sighed, shaking their head but smiling slightly.

Leviathan

Mc loved the song “Talk Nerdy to Me” a parody of “Talk Dirty to Me”. After meeting Levi, they just couldn’t get the image of singing it to him during karaoke out of their head. He was often trying to get them to go sing karaoke with him but Mc often declined saying they didn’t know enough Devildom music to sing karaoke. He had eventually offered to transfer over some of their “normie music” if they agreed to go with him. Originally, it was supposed to be just the two of them, but when his brothers had heard Mc was going, they all decided to join in. Levi had complained, but Mc had a master plan, one that might put his envy at bay for a little bit.

Mc decided to go first. Levi was okay with it, though Mc didn’t miss his muttered comment about “normie music”. Oh, was he in for a surprise.

The music started, and Mc could almost feel Levi’s disappointment that it wasn’t an anime opening. Mc raised their eyebrows at him briefly, before plunging into the song.

Mc watched as Levi slowly understood what it was Mc was doing. He looked at his brothers when the first human media reference was made, and when he realized none of them understood what Mc was talking about he started beaming. 

It was a bit short lived though, as his mind caught up and started processing just how suggestive the lyrics were. And how the music was suggestive. And how Mc’s look was extremely suggestive.

He blushed, hard, hiding behind his hand and hair, though he kept looking up whenever he thought Mc wasn’t watching. The next time he looked up, Mc was standing right in front of him. They plopped down on his lap, and they were worried he would pass out right there and then.

It happened to be right before the rap part, which Mc had completely rewritten to only include all of Levi’s favorite things. The otaku couldn’t take his eyes off of them, TSL and Ruri-chan being included in the song among other things, and Mc knew they had him.

Dancing back up to the stage, Mc reveled in his blush, and felt very accomplished that he continued to watch them (even if it was through his fringe.

The end of the song was met with confused clapping from the rest of the brother’s but Levi walked right up to them.

“I want to sing you a song next.”

Satan

After going though a lot of different songs, Mc eventually landed on Fever by Michael Buble. 

When the slow seductive music started, Mc looked over to Satan who had brought his hand to his mouth, curious about what was about to happen.

Mc had thought of little movements and moves to the music back when they were still in the Human Realm, and they employed them here, trying to accurately follow all the inflections and feeling Buble had given the song originally.

Mc watched Satan start to flush a bit, though they didn’t know if it was from embarrassment or pleasure. He was smirking though. 

The literary reference made him smile. He had often gone off about how dumb Romeo and Juliet was. Now however, he now understood the feeling of needing someone else, and had told Mc about it multiple times.

Mc changed the whole part about Pocahontas. Even though they didn’t know if he was even aware of the story, they knew most of the story was inaccurate. Instead, they wrote their own verse about Beauty and the Beast, a book and movie they both loved.

By the end of the song, Satan was grinning like the Cheshire cat, looking rather satisfied with the exchange student. He walked up to the stage and gave them a kiss on the cheek, “Wonderful performance Mc.  If you’d like, I would be more than happy to get out of here and explore this phenomena you sang about.”

Unfortunately that would have to wait, as the other brothers started congratulating Mc on their performance.

Asmodeus

“You’re going to sing me a song?” Asmo asked.

Mc smiled mischievously, getting up and walking confidently up to the stage. They had fine tuned their appearance to still be socially acceptable, but it was definitely spicy. It had to be if they were going to sing S&M to the Avatar of Lust!

Asmo squealed when the song title came on screen. Mc wasn’t sure if it was because he recognized the song or because of the title itself.

The song started, and Mc looked at Asmo the whole time, who was filming the whole thing, until the first verse started when they would look around, obviously into the song, lightly touching their own chest, or running a hand down their thigh, but their eyes would always find Asmo’s afterwards.

They watched his excitement grow each time they did, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. The said something to Satan, handed his phone over to him, and ran up on stage just in time for the chorus. Mc thought he was going to try to upstage them, but surprisingly, he just sat on the stool they had up there, and gazed at them, his eyes drinking them in, head in his hands.

Mc continued to do the same thing as before, but found themselves strutting over to him, and started touching him lightly in much the same way they had to themselves. Asmo drank up the attention, his eyes rolling back in his head multiple times in pleasure.

He then grabbed Mc, and sat them solidly in his lap. He started rubbing and touching their thighs, chest, arms, humming the song the whole time. Mc found it very hard to focus on the song at that point, a small part of their brain rejoicing they’d practiced the song as much as they had.

The last part of the song was cut off, as Mammon cut the music. Mc continued the song, but both her and Asmo were reminded they were in a public place, and they had gotten pretty… handsy. Some demons were watching them with interest, but most looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

“Just get a room, you two,” Satan sighed, walking up and handing Asmo his phone.

“Oh! What a good idea,” Asmo exclaimed, and then turned to Mc, “This was almost too much fun though. Wanna sing me this again when we’re alone?”

Beelzebub

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD9nB7PFA2o (sorry! Tumblr won’t allow me to put in any more videos!!)

Mc got up on stage, and took another sucker out of it’s wrapping, “I’d like to dedicate this song to Beel,” they said, very innocently, smiling over at him. He beamed, his smile clearly visible from where he was sitting. Mc grinned, and popped the lollipop into their mouth. Belphie had helped enchant the sucker so that wouldn’t mess up their singing voice, and would have other properties. 

The song started, and Mc started singing the female part, the male part being sung by the track. Beel seemed confused by the music selection, but happy nonetheless. That was when he noticed. As they sang, they danced a bit, lifting their arms revealing their stomach and therefore their pact mark with Beel. The lollipops had been enchanted to make his pact mark glow when they sang. Beel looked at them as it came to an instrumental part, and Mc started licking their sucker dramatically, tongue out of their mouth.

Then the first chorus started and Mc looked straight at him. They watched the recognition of what the lyrics were talking about set in. His face was red, but his eyes were glued to Mc. The attention emboldened Mc, dancing the way Belphie had said Beel liked. 

Mc didn’t look much at Beel during the chorus, but when they looked again, he had moved right up to the stage. He was looking at them in a way that reminded them of a very hungry kid that’s just waiting for desert, though more intense. Not wanting their show to be cut short, they danced to where they knew they were out of his reach. They spared a glance to where the other brothers were sitting to see Belphie giving them a thumbs up.

Every chance they got, the sucker was on their tongue or in their mouth and Beel’s hungry look got more and more intense. When the guy was only singing, Mc strutted teasingly around the stage, looking over their shoulder at Beel multiple times, before they started singing again for the last time. They knew he wasn’t going to last until the end, so they walked over once they were done with their part, and allowed him to grab them.

Which he did. Promptly. He then took them from the building and burt into demon form to fly them somewhere they could be alone.

Belphegor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TduHf1tWDvI

Belphie had been reluctant to come, and Mc eventually promised him they would sing a song specifically for him if he came. They were already planning on it; he just made them ruin the surprise by being difficult. He had been relatively quiet all night until the next song was to be chosen. Then it was always Mc’s turn to sing. They wouldn’t give him what he wanted until the very end of the night.

He stared at them through half lidded eyes, as they took to the stage and the music started. Once the music changed and he heard Mc laugh and then scream a bit though, he was wide awake. The opening of the chorus had him smirking, the languid bedroom eyes he was shooting their way making their heart race a bit. The verse had him leaning forward unconsciously, and… was that his tail moving around behind him?

(Obviously Mc will change any words necessary to fit their pronouns)

During the rap, Mc started dancing, occasionally looking at Belphie seductively wondering what kind of effect they were having on him. The effect in question had his violet eyes wide open, pupils blown, biting his lower lip, leaning forward as far as his chair would allow, seeming both to want to go watch the show up close but also not wanting to move. The fact he wouldn’t move made Mc dance even more teasingly, knowing just want he wanted to see.

[imma-lil-teapot]

Which Turtle I’d Get Along Best With :)

This is actually in response to @aurora-the-kunoichi ‘s  post = 

Ignoring the facts on why they are your favorite turtle based on looks and character traits. Based on your personality alone who do you think you would get alone with the best and give me reasons.

I was going to respond to it in the comments, but found the more I thought about it, the more indepth I wanted to actually go into the subject, and it’s been a while since I posted something of my own (sorta) so here we go~

Also, please beware the typos and errors. They bite.

A few things before we start... (Feel free to skip if you’re really not interested, it’s cool) ;)

-- Since a Bay!verse gif was used in the original post (points up), those are the Turts I’m going with in response to the post. :)

-- I have a handful of personal issues that I’m going to take into account when considering which guy I’d get along with best, namely: social anxiety and awkwardness, depression, panic attacks and low self esteem.

-- The general comfort setting I assume is during after the initial reaction of meeting them. So the friendship is still in its early stages but past the ‘OMGOSH, GIANT, TALKING, EXTREMELY BUFF, TURTLES WITH WEAPONS’ phase.

-- I really wanted to talk a bit about each one and how I’d feel around them, so how this is gonna work is basically least comfortable (first) to most comfortable (last) and of course as to why. :)

-- Please don’t think for a second that I dislike any of them based on this! I ADORE all of these boys (even though I do have a fav) and I fully believe that just about anyone (with good intentions) can get along with all of them and vice versa, even if it were to take a while (I’m looking at you, Raph ;P). I don’t see these boys being especially hostile to anyone without good reasoning, but like with all friendships, it takes time. 

And with that outta the way~ (Drum roll)

(4) LEAST COMFORTABLE~

RAPHAEL~

Aww, Mr. Big Cuddly Teddy Bear himself? Why would I be the least comfortable around ol’ Red? Perhaps because, first of all, his SIZE!! :O Yeah, technically, Donnie’s slightly taller, and granted, they’re all pretty gigantic, but Raph’s on a whole other level! Skip shoulder day? I think not! And here I am, 5′1′’ and have to look to the sky to see this hulking mass staring down at me with such a piercing gaze and a toothpick poking out of his lips... Yeah, that social anxiety and shyness I spoke of earlier would be busy wetting itself whenever I’d be in the general vicinity of Raphie-Boy. Now let’s get real for a sec, it’s not like Raph’s gonna have a Leatherhead moment and turn savage at the sight of me, but in my irrational mindset, from his displayed temper and the way he goes at that punching bag, he could at any time... Not to mention how he often butts heads with Leo. It would take quite a while to completely dispel the tension and discomfort I’d be in whenever I’m around him. Maybe even a few years since I get really nervous around others that show a lot of anger and physical irritation. I’d definitely feel like he’d find me a bother, irritating or in the way a lot, even though he probably wouldn’t really since he tolerates a lot from others, but that’s just how I’d interpret his actions from my own point of view and I’d always try to stay a little clear of him for the most part. Seriously, I adore you, Raph, but you’d scare the cr@p outta me. :O

On a brighter note, I would admire his dedication to his family, his heroic actions and just the way he works out all the time. But you know, just from... afar. :) At least for a while until I got use to him more, then we might even hit it off after that!

(3) SECOND TO LEAST COMFORTABLE~

LEONARDO~

Sorry Boi Blue. :’( You may be my fav, but I’d be an awkward mess around you. Now I dunno if the favoritism would hold true if I were to meet them in reality (there’s still a good chance it would), but like with Raph, Leo’s someone I’d admire from afar, though the nervousness wouldn’t be as hectic as with his younger brother in red since Leo doesn’t tend to display it as much and not in the same fashion. I tend to have a good amount of respect for authoritative figures (or at least I try to) and he’d be no exception to that rule, but because of this, I’d both enjoy and dread our little interactions for the fear of saying something stupid or to annoy him in anyway, even though I’d probably enjoy his presence since he’s someone to look up to (and no, that wasn’t a short joke ;P ) and to feel protected by. Again, I’d feel like a burden and an annoyance to him but unlike with Raph, I would have to at least open my mouth first to get that same amount of discomfort with him as opposed to Raph... That last sentence wasn’t meant to sound NSFW, just FYI. ;P But with Leo, I think I’d actually try and work around that amount of nerves to get into his good books since he’s proven he can be a bit more on the gentlemanly side so I feel I’d stand a better chance with him... But still pretty nervy and that is why he’s in the no.3 spot. Sorry, Leader Boy. :’(

Up side, the admiration is strong. Leaders have a lot upon their shoulders to bear so that alone puts him in high respects in my eyes. Not mention I’d be in complete awe whenever watching him practicing with his katanas and performing katas... I promised myself I wouldn’t fangirl, but DAYUM, BOI! It’s getting awful warm in the sewer~ Expect applause and compliments after practice! ;P

(2) SECOND MOST COMFORTABLE~

DONATELLO~

Despite us talking about the smartest Turtle, this one’s a no-brainer, really. :) Don’s a sweetheart so I think someone would really have to try their best to get this pacifist to at least not tolerate them. That’s not to say he doesn’t have enemies - like Shredder and Krang of course - but as long you’re not posing a threat to his family, friends, the innocent or the earth, I think you’re pretty much A-okay to him. He’d without a doubt be the brother I’d feel most comfortable around after the first as he seems to take into consideration the feelings and reactions of others and is just pretty laid back in general, not really loud and ranty and for that, I’d definitely feel more at ease around. Plus, he has a bit of a fun and quirky side that comes out every now and then. Heck, even a little bit of a potty mouth. X’D Don is definitely the one I’d go to for advice on just about anything, or just to share random information and trivia with. I feel he’d be a great listener, share his own opinions in a gentle fashion, provide heartfelt solutions and just genuinely be ready to help where he’s needed. Heck, he may even try to engage me in some simple tasks like helping him with a gadget he’s busy whipping up... This is however where the comfort will start to wobble: Don-Bon’s a genius, and I’m intimidated by brilliance of the mind. :( I’d start to feel compelled to stop talking to him after a while for the sheer sake of seeming too dense to be in his presence, especially if he were to start explaining equations and science related topics. His brilliant mindset would be too much for me to bear so I think I’d probably not spend too much time around him. That’s not to say the others aren’t smart, heck, but Don’s on a whole other playing field!

Other than that, I definitely would feel comfortable around this sweetie nerd. He’s adorable! Even though the brilliance is what scares me, I would in turn be in awe of it. :) He’s a regular Einstein and then some with a lovely personality to boot! 

When there’s something strange, 

with your home wi-fi,

Who ya gonna call?

DONATELLO~

*Is boo’d off the stage* X’D

And finally~

~(1)~ MOST COMFORTABLE~

~MICHELANGELO~

*Lets off balloons and streamers* Well, what a surprise, am I right? ;P Raise your hand if you saw it coming! :)

But seriously though, there wasn’t much to question; Mikey’s easily the one I’d gravitate towards first and feel most at ease around. :) He’s so laid back, fun, non-judgmental, accommodating, sweet, hilarious and charming, just to name a few things! What can I say, the youngest brother of the Turts is adorable and I genuinely feel I’d get along quite well with him. <3 With all my own personal baggage, he seems like the one that would be most patient and understanding with me if anything was to surface, and he’d be so chilled about it or even joke around in a non-offensive manner to help ease the tension. That’s something I’d really appreciate with him, especially in certain situations. His goofiness could quell any nerves, that’s for sure. Even though I’m no prankster of any note whatsoever, if he were to rope me into a very harmless and innocent one here and there, I’d probably be game for it, so the two of us would probably have quite a bit of fun together. Watching movies together too, with pizza, of course! Even laughing at him showing/goofing-off during training. 

So yeah, Mikey’s hands down my go-to Turtle boy in terms of comfort level, emotional support and just about everything in that relation. I see no reason as to why I’d not get along with him. He’s just a really great guy whom I feel would really go out of his way to make any human with good intentions feel welcome in his family. Someone who’s really in tune with others’ feelings and emotions and would try to help them when needed in the best way he could think of. A real cutie-pie with a heart of gold who just wants to fit in with the rest of the world. Someone who wouldn’t really care what the person looked like as long as they meant well. That’s Mikey for you, and the one I’d probably be most comfortable around! :D 

And there we have it! :) Definitely a fun and enjoyable post to type up! Although the ‘winner’ was a clear cut choice, it really got me thinking how I’d feel around the other three so am really glad I got around to doing this. :) Also, I’m sure @aurora-the-kunoichi​ would love to see more people respond to the question so if you’re interested, feel free to respond to it. ;) 

Thanks for reading~

[softderekhale]

from the archives: snippets of a sterek pacrim au

hey y’all! i definitely haven’t been super active on this blog or tumblr at all lately, for a lot of reasons but mainly just... life. doesn’t that suck sometimes? but i really, truly hope everyone is doing well and you + your loved ones are staying safe. (long reflection + tumblr fic after the cut, lol)

i’ve been in kind of a funk with writing since the last time i “had” to do it, which was 12 days/sterek secret santa like, 6 months ago. it’s frustrating to me that i went from writing my longest fic ever exactly 2 years ago to having almost zero output now, but i’m trying not to be too hard on myself and i know writing is a really fickle pastime. anyway, this is a really long leadup, but i decided to just release some stuff i wrote into the wild. it’s either here or my google drive, so i might as well see if anyone wants to read it! 

pacific rim is undoubtedly one of my favorite movies of all time (it was only bumped down by into the spider-verse, but they’re almost tied ;D). it came out right after my sterek obsession began, and i always imagined writing a sterek au based around derek and stiles being drift compatible. that whole concept has always been so lovely to me and fits in nicely with some of my favorite soulmate-y tropes. this idea always felt too ambitious, though, and i didn’t write a single word of it until i rewatched the movie in november/december 2019. i wrote the following stuff in an extremely giddy haze over the next few weeks. i’m not good about pushing myself to write, so i never added any more, but i still really like what i had/have! i hope maybe someday i’ll feel the urge to come back to it. but anyway, here’s my completely self-indulgent homage to one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite fandoms. in my au chronology for this, following the events of the first movie, global governments and the ppdc decided to deploy jaegers for continued deep sea exploration to further benefit scientific discovery and avoid wasting such expensive tech/training. this lead to a lot of corporate interference re: treasure hunting, etc. (national treasure, but make it underwater). oh, and werewolves exist (because wouldn’t they make great jaeger pilots?!). also, A SECOND PACIFIC RIM MOVIE WAS NEVER EVER MADE. THE END. laura and derek were copilots before a kaiju-fighting incident forced them into early retirement. laura is still alive, though! (because it’s me.)

***

“Mayday! Mayday! LOCCENT, do you copy? This is Luna Geminae paging for backup. LOCCENT! Danny, we can’t hold them much longer…”

Laura’s growl of frustration rang in Derek’s ear as he strained against the beast.

“Keep holding it, Derek. You can do this. I know you can. They’re so close, Derek, they’ve gotta be. Just a few more—”

Derek never knew how Laura intended to finish that sentence. All he would ever remember was the scream that tore out of her throat. Later, he would describe it as the first time he ever understood the meaning of “bloodcurdling.”

“Laura!” Derek gritted his teeth as pain roared down his left arm, causing his vision to blur and spark white around the edges.

“My arm, Jesus, my fucking… They got my arm, Derek—” 

As water poured into the cabin above and around him, the last thing he remembered hearing was Laura’s anguished howl. Then the sky became fire, and everything went dark.

***

The day of the accident convinced Derek that his world would never stop burning.

For months after, when he lay staring at the ceiling until the early hours of the morning, the staticky shapes his eyes created to fill the darkness always melted and formed a wall of flames no matter how many times he scrunched his eyes shut and buried his face in his pillow. The noises, too — the ambient whoosh of the Dome’s ventilation system and the soft heart-like thud of the power grid soon coalesced into a unified, rhythmic chant that sounded more and more like Laura’s scream the longer Derek listened: Derek! Help!

In the days and weeks following their accident, Derek had tried every trick he could think of to reassure his subconscious that Laura was alive and safe, and would remain so even after she left his line of sight. For almost a week after she was released from the medical bay, he slept in the spare bunk above her. As reticent as he normally was to invade Laura’s privacy any more than he had to, experiencing her near-loss allowed panic and instinct to envelop Derek’s frayed nerves. He never fully explained it to Laura, but he didn’t have to — she never questioned his presence, nor did she point out that Derek always waited to fall asleep until he was certain she had already drifted off. 

Eventually, though, Derek realized the routine was leaving them both sleep-deprived and irritable. He resolved to move back to his own quarters, not wanting to smother Laura with his relentless, anxious presence. But he knew she still sensed his distress — every evening at 2300 hours, like clockwork, she knocked on his door to tell him goodnight and gently pressed her right palm against her brother’s neck before waving and returning to her own room. It was a routine they continued even now, half a decade beyond the fight that had left their Jaeger decimated. 

They had made progress, which Laura was always quick to remind her younger brother. Nothing could have prepared him for the aftermath of the accident, though, and the dark places where Derek’s mind would drift when there was no one around to distract him. Alone with his thoughts, no reassurance was strong enough to quiet Derek’s memories.

He shifted again in bed, his half-awake mind scrambling to remember the breathing exercises Deaton had taught him over the years.

Inhale through your nose. One. Two. Three. Hold. Exhale through your mouth. One. Two. Three—

Derek!

Start again. Inhale through your nose. One. Two. Three. Hold. Exhale through your mouth. Slower this time.

Good. Again.

***

This comes way after the scene above lol sorry

“Right hemisphere locked. Left hemisphere locked. Vitals are steady. Initiating neural handshake.”

Danny’s voice echoed through Derek’s head as he let his eyes flutter shut and tipped his head back. He’d been anxious about this moment for days now, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t secretly a little — or a lot — excited, too. Drifting was a heady, emotional experience, and if he and Stiles were truly compatible, Derek might finally get to settle the unease he had felt since his connection with Laura was severed.

“Alright,” Danny said. “You should be feeling it in three… two… one.”

Derek’s eyes flew open, but his gaze defocused as he felt his center of gravity list forward before returning.

As his sense of internal balance returned, the tingle of the neural link fizzed over his scalp. There it is. Slowly, then all at once, he felt the rush of Stiles’ mind meeting his own. Their emotions flowed over one another like water, memories flashing and sensations pulsing before slipping away into their shared flow of awareness. Derek had trained himself long ago to let himself float until the waters steadied, and he could feel Stiles, ever perceptive, do the same.

“Neural handshake established and holding at 100 percent.”

Without having to think twice about the gesture, Derek felt his knuckles meet his palm as he dipped into a customary bow. As he and Stiles led Luna in her first exploratory steps, Derek felt the weight of any lingering fears melt away.

With Laura, Derek had always felt like they were extensions of one another, movements and decisions cascading seamlessly from a fully unified thought process. Drifting with Stiles, though, felt unlike anything Derek had ever experienced. They were two sides of the same coin — each aggressive and reserved in equal, opposite measure. If Derek and Laura were reading from the same script, he and Stiles were finishing each others’ sentences as they improvised the same scene. 

When they first met, Derek had found Stiles anything but graceful — but now, as they nearly seemed to glide across the ocean floor, he felt foolish for not realizing the instinctive adjustments and calculations stiles was constantly making based on his surroundings. As they steered Luna across the testing ground, Derek felt his temples begin to thrum with an energy he hadn’t felt in years. Best of all, he knew Stiles felt it too — he could literally trace the path of his elation as it wrapped around Derek’s senses and amplified his own excitement.

“How are you doing?” Derek shouted across the rig. It wasn’t a question he needed to ask verbally, but he chose to anyway, knowing it would help ground them both in the present moment and prevent any stray thought spirals from taking over their link.

“So good, dude. This is — this is unreal,” Stiles replied, slicing through the air with his left arm to test the angle of the jaeger’s knuckle daggers.

Derek smiled. “Not exactly like the simulators, huh?”

“Nothing like the simulators, man. Holy shit.”

As they continued to acclimate to the drift, Derek took Stiles through a few more of Luna’s signature maneuvers. Stiles’ extensive research showed, and combined with the knowledge he and Derek now shared, the moves seemed to come naturally.

“Do you want some music?” He and Laura always played music when training, but he didn’t want Stiles to feel—

“That’s all I want right now, Derek.” Derek’s grin broadened as Stiles flicked through the controls hovering in front of him. A heavy bass line thrummed through the cabin, and Derek finally did what he never thought he would be able to again in his lifetime: he let his mind relax and free-fell into the drift.

***

Two hours after he and Stiles had eaten dinner and finally parted ways, Derek still couldn’t stop thinking about their drift.

That wasn’t unusual, all things considered — emotional transfer was common, especially for werewolves and especially during the first few drifts with a new partner.

Every time Derek thought about his connection with Stiles, though, and the experience of their emotions weaving together, his mind kept snagging in one place. It was a place that had struck Derek even during the high of the neural handshake, not because it felt odd or foreign, but because it felt hauntingly familiar — but looked ugly and sinister looming over someone else. 

It was anguish. It was a grief that had been doused in shame and set alight. It was a feeling of loss and self-loathing that made Derek feel like he was suffocating. It was exactly the way Derek had felt every day for years after the fire, and again after the accident. 

He had tried to explain it to Laura as dispassionately as possible all the times she chided him for blaming himself or expressing guilt over what happened to their family, but he never knew how to describe it until he experienced it through Stiles’ memories. It was sore, like a bruised rib, a persistent ache that radiated out from the point of impact and lingered at the edge of his consciousness. Distractions might be able to push away some of the pain, but as long as he kept breathing, it would always be there.

Derek hadn’t seen exactly where Stiles’ pain radiated from, but it seemed to shroud the memories of his mother especially strongly. Stiles told him she had been sick, though — why would he feel guilty about her death?

He sat up, his leg bouncing as he fidgeted absently with a hangnail. Since deciphering what that unexpected shared emotion reminded him of, Derek couldn’t stop thinking about it. This, he knew, was normal too — without an outlet, emotional transfer tended to create a feedback loop as a co-pilot bounced back and forth between their own memories and their partner’s. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, Derek shot up and strode to the door. It was late, almost midnight, and the full body experience of drifting had left Derek racked with fatigue. But — he just wanted to talk to Stiles. To be near him, again, as if it were a substitute for the feeling of absolute synchronicity they had just shared. It would only take a few minutes.

He was so distracted by his own jumbled thoughts that it took him a moment to register who stood just outside his door as he flung it open — it was Stiles, hand paused in mid-air.

“Stiles.” Very eloquent, Derek, he chided himself with an internal voice that sounded suspiciously like Laura.

“Oh— Well. Um. Hi.” Stiles gave a small wave before shoving his hand in his pocket. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were about to—“

“I was about to find you.”

Stiles paused. “Really?”

Derek stepped back, nodding toward the doorway. “Really. Do you want to come in?”

As he and Stiles stood facing each other silently, Derek scrambled for exactly what he wanted to say. Everything was so effortless when they were in the drift. Why was it so hard to find the words now?

To his relief, Stiles was the one who broke the silence. “Sorry, I’m sure you’re tired… I’m just kind of keyed up, I guess, and I couldn’t—“ Stiles ducked his head down. “I don’t know. I thought it might help to see you.”

“Don’t apologize. You have good instincts,” Derek assured him. “And I— I wanted to see you too,” he added, feeling the tips of his ears heat. 

He could almost feel Stiles’ sigh of relief in his own chest. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.” Derek scooped a discarded pile of clothes off his bed and gingerly sat down after Stiles, mindful of the careful space between them. “Are you feeling okay?”

Stiles’ eyebrows jumped. “Yeah, I feel fine, I really do, but I just feel… jumpy, I guess. Which is normal for me, but I can tell this is different. I don’t know how I know, but…” he trailed off, gesturing abstractly in front of him.

Derek nodded. “I know what you mean. You can’t really prepare for the drift until you’ve done it,” he said, remembering how disjointed he felt after his first few test runs. “But it gets easier,” he added.

Stiles shook his head. “I’m not worried about it. I trust you.” His eyes shot up to meet Derek’s, as if challenging him to dispute the steady, honest heartbeat behind his words. 

Derek was surprised to feel something behind his eyes sting at the pronouncement. He looked away from Stiles’ scrutinizing gaze, but he felt the other man’s eyes continue to study him. “I’m glad. I— that means a lot to me.”

Stiles nodded, remaining thoughtfully silent. Derek sensed he wanted to ask something, but wasn’t ready to admit it on his own.

“Is there anything I can do?” Derek asked gently, eyes seeking Stiles’ again.

Stiles looked pointedly away and bit at his thumbnail. “Um. It sounds stupid now. But I read… I read that physical contact can help,” he mumbled, so quickly Derek might not have caught it without his magnified hearing.

He realized Stiles’ admission may have felt embarrassing for a human, but for Derek, it was almost a relief. He reached forward slowly and cupped his hand over Stiles’ shoulder with a light squeeze. 

“It’s not stupid. You felt how intense the drift is. When you separate from a complete mental overlap, it can be disorienting. And you know how tactile wolves are — that makes it even harder for us, so you’re probably getting some of this from my own emotional bleed.” He didn’t miss the way Stiles melted into his touch, his whole body swaying into their point of contact.

Stiles nodded. “Yeah. That makes sense. Thanks,” his gaze flicked up to meet Derek’s.

“Do you—“ Derek didn’t really know how to ask for more contact. It came so naturally with other werewolves, so he’d never really had to think about it before. “I don’t want to touch you in a way you’re not comfortable with. But if you want to lay down, or you want me to lay down or…” He took a sharp, steadying breath. “I’m trying to say that I understand, and I think it will make us both feel better, and I’m fine with whatever level of contact you’re okay with.”

Stiles laughed, a bright and unexpected break in the tension. “Jesus. Listen to us. I feel ridiculous, but— Thank you. You’re very considerate.” He paused, expression drawing almost imperceptibly tighter. “I want that too, though. I want you to feel comfortable. If you’re not, if there’s anything I do— I promise I’ll ask, first, and if you can tell me, I want you to.” 

Derek felt a lump rise in his throat. Stiles’ words were sincere, but carefully chosen. He wasn’t sure how much of his own memories Stiles had observed, but it seemed to have been enough to understand that physical touch had once been a powerful weapon wielded against him.

“Thank you,” he answered quietly, before gently tugging at Stiles’ arm. “Here, lay down.”

The bed was barely wide enough for both of them to lay side by side, but it was just enough space for both men to settle on their backs with their elbows carefully layered between them. Derek hesitated for a moment before angling his head against Stiles’ neck. “Is this okay?”

Stiles hummed in agreement, the back of his hand flitting against Derek’s so softly he almost thought he imagined it. “This is perfect.” He inhaled deeply through his nose and tilted his head closer to Derek’s. They lay silently for a handful of minutes, and the rhythmic in-out of Stiles’ breathing nearly lulled Derek to sleep.

Suddenly, Derek felt Stiles still. “Why were you about to come look for me?”

Derek huffed. “I wanted to see you.”

“What, you had to check in on the rookie who can’t handle a drift?” Stiles’ tone was light, devoid of any real offense, and he jostled his shoulder gently against Derek’s.

“You did great. If anything, I— I hadn’t done it in so long, and Laura was my only co-pilot before you.” Derek frowned, remembering the heavy emotions of Stiles’ that had ensnared him earlier. He didn’t want to overwhelm Stiles, but he also wanted him to know that he both empathized with and thought highly of him. 

“I never thought I would get in a rig again,” Derek continued. “I don’t think I trusted myself enough. I carry… I carry a lot of guilt, Stiles. But when I thought about piloting with you, the guilt didn’t win. You’re the first person who’s been capable enough, smart enough, strong enough, that I didn’t have to worry.” 

Stiles didn’t respond at first, and a flash of panic seized Derek before he felt strong, warm fingers curl around his own.

“I won’t let you down,” Stiles said, his voice nearly a whisper and rough with emotion.

“I don’t think you could,” Derek whispered back, before he let his eyes slip shut and exhaustion overtake him.

***

When Derek awoke the next morning, he was startled — but it wasn’t in reaction to the way Stiles had draped himself over Derek in his sleep. Feeling Stiles’ arms around his waist felt oddly natural. The surprising part was how well he had slept — it was the first night of uninterrupted slumber he could remember having in months, if not longer.

***

yeah so... that’s all for now! if you read this, thanks and i hope you’re doing well!!! ❤️ 

[intoxicatingimmediacy]

Partners S1: E5 Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal

Daveed & Rafael are best friends and artists who have collaborated across film, theater, music, and poetry. Their partnership extends beyond the normal boundaries of friendship, and the normal boundaries of a working relationship.

Rafael: There's sort of a before we met and an after we met and no gradient. Daveed: Yeah. Rafael: I don't remember— Daveed: It's like, I don't even know this guy and then this is the person I work with on everything. Rafael: And I'm pretty sure I said to him, I was like, "This is my best friend." Daveed: I'm Daveed Diggs. Rafael: I'm Rafael Casal. Daveed: And we're buddies.

Listen to it here

Full transcript under the cut...

Daveed: I'm not sure when we met or when we were formally introduced, but surely at some sort of poetry event, because we were both sort of coming up in that scene. I was older, I was four years older than him. Rafael: My freshman year, his senior year. That's a lifetime apart in high school. My memory of him in high school is Diggs always had a very nonchalant way about him. I don't know that this paints it accurately, but this is a representation of it, at some point Diggs was like, "I'm just wearing pajama pants to school every day," and I'm sure that wasn't the whole time, I got this little window of it. Daveed: It was the whole time. All of high school, for sure. Rafael: That's amazing. Daveed: It was as a rule. But we would see each other at these poetry events and he was really, really good at writing poems. A way more sort of focused writer than I had ever been in that situation, you know? So I remember that. I remember thinking that here's a person that's actually better than me at this thing and that's pretty cool. Daveed: Then over the years, also after when I was in college, when I'd come back home for the summers, sometimes I'd drop in just to watch poetry things that were happening, sort of check in on the scene. He was the dude, he had become that guy. Rafael: I remember that so differently. I barely finished high school in a very nontraditional way and then went off and did this show on HBO, Def Poetry.

Rafael: I came back and had just enough money saved up with some friends to open a very dungeon-y recording studio and we were looking for other artists. We didn't have anybody else recording at the studio. So a mutual friend of ours, one of his close friends who was the older brother of one of my close friends was like, "You know Daveed raps?" Daveed: Yeah, we really got set up on a rapper play date. So our friend Justin was like, "You guys should work together. You're two of my favorite rappers." I was like, "Yeah, yeah." And he played me his stuff and it was really good. I didn't have anywhere to record, I was recording songs in my Mom's closet, in the little closet in my room. I hadn't been in a lot of studio spaces, so I was like, oh, a studio? Rafael: I don't know that this qualified as an actual studio. Daveed: I didn't know that yet because I hadn't been there yet. Rafael: But I don't think we had any idea what meeting each other and actually getting time was going to be like. Daveed: Finally we started. It was like, this is the song we're going to work. We had listened through some beats and it was like, "Let's work on this one." I just started writing and, yeah, it happened really fast. At some point we looked up and everyone else was gone and it was just the two of us in there and we were still making music. Rafael: We just made music until the sun came up and began the ritual that day of going to the car at 8:00 AM and playing everything that you'd recorded and then dragging your body home to sleep and kind of doing it all over again. Daveed: I'd been making music for many, many years and it had never been that much fun before. Rafael: Suddenly there's this person that writes a verse in five minutes and can nail it in a take. And at the time we were working with some random singers and stuff that couldn't ever sing the line and rappers who took an hour to get a verse down. It was just like, "Wow, this is so easy," and then we'd just have songs done.

Daveed: As a young artist early on when I'm still trying to figure things out and creating is hard for me, being around somebody who just creates all the time, it's addictive. I don't have the technical skill set that Rafa has, so he was so fast in Pro Tools. He was all of these things that I just would have to labor over and then all of that stuff became really impressive too. Once, as we started working together and I became aware that he had taught himself all of these things, nobody ever really showed him how to do anything, it seemed like... and he was editing videos and shooting things, the whole range of what it takes to be a music artist out in the world he had taught himself to do. I didn't really know anybody like that. Rafael: Over the next four or five years we recorded hundreds of songs- Daveed: So many more songs- Rafael:...that no-one's heard. Daveed:...that no-one will ever hear. Rafael: Legit hundreds and wrote a play together and then we lived together and it was like, oh man. When we're around each other this much it's like we have too many ideas. It was the right amount of proximity for the full version of creativity that we had always... we had thought we'd already tapped it and we did so much shit that year. I think artistically we were doing great. Daveed: Yeah, we're definitely making it and we were definitely broke. Rafael: People knew us. Daveed: It was just a combination of the thing, it was like- Rafael: We got on the radio. Daveed: This is also great, listen to how he says we. Because really Rafa was known, right? He had a song that got played on Clear Channel radio and then got named one of the Bay Area Freshmen '10. Rafael: Best new whatever. Daveed: He got named one of those, but Rafa never would take that for himself, it was always us. We are. We played those shows together and would end up making no money on these gigs because he would bring me and a band, four or five other people to play music, use the entire fee to fly us out to wherever, Georgia and play a show where no-one would make any money but we got to play a show. He was doing that from jump for so long. Hrishikesh: Why was that how you would always do it? Rafael: Well because, one, I don't, I'm uncomfortable with I statements. Daveed: Berkeley is shit. Rafael: Berkeley is shit. I'm not good to roll with I statements, they feel self indulgent. I was raised to not feed an ego that feels constantly eager for food. What I love about that period is we were all pushing to little different degrees of success. We're just kind of weirdos almost in a scene that we kind of make sense in. They didn't understand Diggs very much at all, I feel like the more commercial Bay Areas scene and they only sort of understood me. It was very you're in, but don't try to make any changes, you know? And I think that's a big reason that we went to LA. We could see the top of the ladder and it's not getting any friendlier or more receptive. We maybe can make this movie and maybe there's different music opportunities down there, but it's definitely not going to happen here. And then suddenly we packed up from the West Oakland place and moved to LA. Daveed: Also we had already been, we were working on Blindspotting, so we'd been traveling up and down. Our producers, we had been driving to meet with them really frequently. Rafael: We were slumming it so hard when we got to LA, we were so poor. Diggs was delivering tacos. Daveed: Yeah. I was like... I couldn't be an actor in LA, is what I decided. Rafael: We're just swinging and missing, just trying to figure out what does it mean to be in the bigger pond and want to be artists professionally. We did five years in LA before Diggs went to New York to do Hamilton. I think that was one of those things that came about for Diggs really organically. Hamilton was such an interesting... it was a play, it was legit written for him to flex all the things he's good at. They were like, "Who's this rap kid that turns out can also act?" And the rest of us were like, "Turns out? He's been doing that more than a lot of y'all." And the world saw Diggs in the light that best showed everything and they not only accepted, but obsessed over it. And then I went to visit him in New York when the show was picking up steam and the first thing that happened is this girl grabs my arm and looks at Diggs and goes, "Oh my God, is that Daveed Diggs?" to me and I start to realize that this woman is Anne Hathaway and she's fan-girling out. I'm like, "Oh man, a major shift is happening."

Daveed: My life is changing very, very quickly. I was under stress constantly. Rafa is calling and texting and emailing and I'm getting back to the degree that I can. So yes, obviously it would have been so much easier and nicer if my best friend was also living in New York and somebody who has context for me outside of this thing. Rafael: I remember [inaudible 00:10:39] I turned to Diggs and I was like, "I'm thinking about moving to New York so you'll respond more in person." I remember Diggs goes, "I didn't want to ask." Daveed: That's a big ask and I'm doing eight shows a week. It's not like, move to New York and let's go kick it in the Berkshires, you know? It's like, move to New York and I'll see you at midnight sometimes. Rafael: But I was like, well it's just good for him to have a friend there. But also can I run your social media? Because you're not posting enough and people want to see this adventure and there's a sincere way to do it. And I had done a little bit of it with his Twitter and stuff in the Bay and in LA, but this was like, "Give me your passwords." I probably already had them. Daveed: This was an admission that he was going to use them. Rafael: I was letting him know that I was going to do it. Daveed: On a regular basis. And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, do that." Rafael: And especially if you actually hadn't been able to do it, you didn't have to be self-indulgent, I'm doing it. There's a year of his Instagram that's just his friend's version of how awesome he is.

Rafael: Blindspotting got started because, around when I was 21, one of my friends got killed in a way that sort of didn't make a lot of sense to most people in the community. And it was sort of the breaking point because it was a woman, because it was somebody who wasn't really involved in the violence of the world that we were existing in at the time. Some other people had been killed and other people I sort of was close to. There was a series of funerals people had gone to in succession and this was the button on it. It was just a breaking point for me. So I had written this poem about sort of the numbness of that experience of like, "God, is this what life is? People die and we get numb and we care a little less every time? How does this go?" And then we just kind of started coming up with a story that was a movie that's in verse starring the two of us. We kept almost making Blindspotting and not making it. Diggs, he finishes this massive sensation in New York. He had 30 days in June that he could shoot this movie- Daveed: 22. Rafael:... and then a month later we were in Oakland shooting the movie. Daveed: In the hometown. Everybody who's an extra in that movie is a friend of ours that we grew up with. Rafael: Yeah. And it's still not a real movie to us. It's still a thing we can't believe they made. Daveed: In Hollywood, in a world that we always assumed we didn't belong in, that we never really figured out how we would fit into anyway. To have doors start opening in a way where they're sort of asking questions about what you want to do is crazy actually. It's just fun in meetings post Blindspotting now that we're associated together in this way and also people have been able to see that Rafael is a great actor as well as a great writer. It's like, "Well what's he doing? Do you think he'd be interested in this? Can you talk to him for us?" It's pretty... I love that. I love that so much. Rafael: And I still know the 10 things that he can do that nobody's seen yet. And that's still fun for me. Daveed: The closest I have ever gotten to fighting with Rafa I think is when somebody else I'm close to is fighting with Rafa, right? Rafael: I think that's sort of our good cop, bad cop type of... where someone will be venting to him and he's like, "I don't know what to tell you, I've already picked my team." We have this expression that we always say, we did this before every show and we kind of do it anytime we're at a crossroads. We're like energy up, expectations down. Daveed: Energy up, expectations down. Rafael: It's just like this whole ship runs on enthusiasm.

Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal are partners. Go watch their film Blindspotting and check out the album they put out together last year, called Seven Nights in Chicago. You can follow them on Twitter or Instagram @DaveedDiggs and @RafaelCasal. Rafael probably still has the passwords to Daveed's accounts.

[fyeahcamcountry]

Cam: The Otherside - track by track

(Apple Music)

'...“I was a total idealist,” Cam tells Apple Music. The Nashville country singer, who’s also one of the city’s most sought-after songwriters, says the five years she spent writing her sophomore album were some of the hardest of her life. “I had this Disney idea of how the world worked, and at some point that just...broke.” Tracing a string of major life changes—breaking up with her old label, inking a new contract, marrying her husband, and welcoming her first child—The Otherside reflects a dramatic shift in thinking, or her journey through disillusionment into clear-eyed realism. That evolution unlocked a new side to her sound. “My songs have always pulled from my psychology background, but I had this filter on and didn’t even know it,” she says. “Once I took that off, I could be so much more honest. I could see the world, and myself, for exactly what they were.” Read on as Cam tells us the inside story behind each song.

[[MORE]]

Redwood Tree

“I grew up in the Bay Area with a redwood tree in my backyard, and I did a lot of thinking up there. I wasn’t raised in a specific religion, but the most magical, awe-inspiring experience I can think of is being in the redwoods, feeling so small. It’s like a cathedral in that it reminds you of your place in everything. Fallen redwoods have rings that represent the thousands of years that they lived, and you’re like, ‘Oh, we’re just flies buzzing around.’ We wake up one day shocked to realize our parents are suddenly old. Like, when did my dad's beard get so white? I had watched the movie Arrival around the time we wrote this song, and I loved the idea of time not being linear. The soundtrack has these voices that go ‘Da, da, da, da,’ and we nod to that in the production. I hope time isn't linear. I hope I get more time with my parents.”

The Otherside

“Tim, or Avicii, came to Nashville a few years ago to write for one of his albums, and we were in the studio with Hillary Lindsey and Tyler Johnson. He started playing this piano melody over and over and over again, and I don't smoke cigarettes but when Hillary took a cigarette break, I was like, ‘I'm going, too.’ It was just so intense. He was really stuck on this thing. While we're out on the back porch, she and I came up with an idea for the chorus, and he loved it. But he fiddled with it for hours. He was thinking about cadence, about how we speak, about code-mapping it onto a melody, and about the actual phonetics. Tim never wound up releasing that song, so I was like, ‘Ooh, maybe that means I can.’ Even though it’s such a heavy thing not having him around for the final edits, I did feel this great responsibility to work my ass off to get it right. Because I knew that’s what he would have done.”

Classic

“On the other side of the spectrum, this is one of those songs that just magically fell into place. I went up to New York for a few sessions with Jack Antonoff at Electric Lady Studios, and it was so fun. Creatives tend to beat themselves up a lot, but Jack and I sat there jangling around on this 12-string guitar and writing a song that had this nostalgic Simon & Garfunkel ‘Cecilia’ vibe. It’s about how there are people in your life that outlast everything else—technology, fashion trends, swings in politics, whatever. Nothing's a constant in life, but a few people are. It was inspired by this moment when my husband and I were in Argentina and he found a pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes. He doesn't smoke anymore, but he goes, ‘I’ve got to smoke these because they don't make ‘em like this anymore.’ And then he looks at me and goes, ‘That's a country lyric.’”

Forgetting You

“I was writing with Lori McKenna, Tyler Johnson, and Mitch Rowland, and we’re all pals from working on various projects together. Still, I always get nervous when I go write with Lori, even though she's so humble and chill, because I’m like, ‘Don't embarrass yourself in front of the poet of our generation!’ Which is to say, I knew I needed to bring in something cool. I had this line, ‘I'm getting older/But you never change.’ The song is about holding on to the concept of someone from the past, and measuring everyone up to them even though it’s no longer real. That's why you keep moving forward but they never seem to age.”

Like a Movie

“Before we were married and had a kid, I’d come home from tour and my husband and I would have this tiny bit of quality time together. And the truth is, we’d usually get high and go to Walmart. One day, we were unloading all our groceries and I was like, ‘How did you know it was me? How did you know not to settle for someone earlier or wait for someone else?’ And he just smiled and said, ‘Because when I met you, it was like a movie.’ Now, I can remember when we met. I was a mess. It did not look like a movie. But it was so, so sweet. I wrote with the love junkies—Lori McKenna, Liz Rose, and Hillary Lindsey—and the strings are David Campbell, who’s actually Beck’s dad. Jeff Bhasker wanted a ’50s movie soundtrack vibe with strings that swelled like an orchestra, and David immediately got it. Apple Music did a teaser video for the album, and if you watch it, there should be video footage from that string session.”

Changes

“I usually write all my own music, but this is the first of a couple songs on this album that I didn’t. I guess I feel like it's cheating. I'm supposed to be digging all this personal stuff up and figuring myself out, so taking someone else’s song feels like a shortcut. But I trust Harry [Styles]’s writing. I feel like he tries so hard to be himself in his music, and he doesn't take it lightly. That pursuit resonates with me. The demo had Lori McKenna singing with Harry on background vocals and his whistle, which is still in the track. It was amazing to hear a song that someone else wrote that clicked so much with me personally. It’s about feeling like you’ve outgrown where you're from, and you don't really want to admit that. It’s kind of an uncomfortable thing to say, but I love when things are uncomfortable. That means it’s important.”

Till There's Nothing Left

“This song has steamy sexual energy... Like, ‘I'm giving you my whole heart but also my body and a quickie in the back seat.’ While we were recording my vocals, I was trying to sit back and make it cool and sexy, and I realized I was blushing. I was blushing because society tells us that sexuality is a private thing. If you want to be respected as a woman, if you want to be considered intelligent, you can’t be sexual. But then I was reminded of my grandmother who was raised Baptist on a farm in Saskatchewan. She's the one who gave me the sex talk, unbeknownst to my mother. She said, ‘Sex is like a milkshake. Once you have it, you're always going to want it.’ She was comfortable with her sexuality without it being the main thing about her. So I thought, ‘If a woman born in the 1930s on a farm in Canada can own it, I can own it.”

What Goodbye Means

“A friend of mine was going through a divorce. It was pretty ugly, but he was being so kind. I asked him, ‘How are you being so nice right now? I don't get it.’ And he said, ‘Because she might change her mind.’ I still get goosebumps thinking about it. We've all been there, not quite ready to accept the reality of something, and that's okay. You've got to take it at the rate you can take it. This song has such a classic melody. It’s warm. For some reason it feels like a summer evening in New Mexico to me.”

Diane

“This song is a response to Dolly Parton’s ‘Jolene,’ and man, it really seems to resonate with people. Crowds sing it back to me in this emotional, over-the-top, theatrical way. I suppose most people have had infidelity affect their life one way or another, but it’s hard to watch people you care about go through it. There's so much shame around it that you don't get to talk about what you need or how to heal. And you almost never get to hear the other party’s side. So ‘Diane’ is my moment to role-play, I guess. I'm the other woman and I slept with your husband and I didn't know he was married, but you’ve got to know the truth. Parton's lyrics to the other woman include the word ‘please,’ and that just killed me. She's so humble and human, asking someone to please not take the love of her life away. Immediately, I was like, ‘That's the narrative. That's what is so often left unsaid.’”

Happier for You

“This is the other song that I didn't write, and it’s from Sam Smith and Tyler [Johnson]. Sam and I have a great relationship because I helped write the song ‘Palace’ for their album and then they brought me out on tour. We have a lot of trust. When Lindsay [Marias, Cam’s manager] and I first heard this demo and Sam came in singing, our jaws dropped. The emotion was so raw and honest and real. I love the juxtaposition of saying something very loud and publicly—to the point where it almost feels proud—but actually it’s something that makes you want to curl up in a ball.”

Girl Like Me

“This is the author's note at the end of the book. Natalie Hemby had come over and started playing a verse on the piano, and I was like, ‘Oh god, that is so sad.’ And she's like, ‘It's your story. This is your comeback story.’ It’s funny how sometimes you can’t recognize your own self. Writing this song was uncomfortable but in the best way, trying to pull lyrics out in the chorus (‘They’re going to give up on you/You're going to give up on them’). You can’t just become jaded. You have to push through. It’s a gift to be able to see life for what it is, and to see yourself for who you are. I think anyone who has been through that phase of disillusionment will think, ‘Oh, yeah, tough. But this side is better.’”

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Remnants, Part IX

Chapter Summary: This chapter is transitional, so bear with me. I’ll be borrowing some ideas from the NATM movies, but mostly doing whatever I want to the plot to make it more Ahk-centric. Part X will be the final, action-packed chapter, but I do have an epilogue outlined, too. 

Part I,  Part II,  Part III,  Part IV,  Part V,  Part VI,  Part VII,  Part VIII

Story Summary: You are in the midst of formulating your dissertation, but you’ve hit a wall. Your doting aunt, Rebecca, has a solution that brings you face to face with Ahkmenrah, Fourth King of the Fourth King. As the connection between you and Ahkmenrah grows, and as the secrets of his ancient tablet unlock, the once-king will find himself faced with a difficult choice.

Thanks so much to @kitkatcronch  @kpopperotp12  @seafrost-fangirl  @sassystrawberryk  @perfect-rami  @txmel   @limabein   and  @rami-malek-trash for reading : ) If anyone else wants added to the taglist, let me know. I’ve greatly appreciated the feedback!

Warnings: None

It was mid-April, and you smiled as the sun warmed your skin. Although the air still held a chill, it was clear from the budding trees lining the courtyard that summer would soon make an appearance. It had been a particularly brutal east coast winter, and even though the thought of summer brought forth deep pangs of nostalgia, the sun was a welcome change.

“Okay, Y/N,” Chelsea said as she flicked a long strand of hair over her shoulder. “One more time from the top.”

 You began the introduction to your thesis defense for the tenth time that afternoon. In two weeks, you would be in front of a room of both your current and potential peers delivering your defense. The details of your work had drawn a lot of curiosity, so your chairs warned you that it would be a full house. You felt your work as a TA prepared you pretty well for addressing a full auditorium, but you knew that you probably wouldn’t sleep properly until this was all over. To secure job offers, your delivery needed to be stellar.

 In addition to professors, a variety of museum directors and field experts, including the museum director of Cairo, were flying in to listen to your defense. Thanks to Ryan, your name had become familiar to the director in Cairo, and he began to closely follow your publications. If your defense went well, you could be fielding offers not only from all over the states, but globally.

 After Ryan’s six months in Africa, he transferred to The University of Sydney to finalize his thesis and finish his PhD. You always had a hunch that he’d return home, and you sent a text congratulating him, wishing him the best. He’d responded something similar and that was the last you had talked to him in a while. As much of a presence as Ry once was in your life, it was shocking how quickly you could put a person behind you.

 Unless, of course, you were still in love with that person. Despite Ahkmenrah’s last words and his desire to no longer see you, your feelings had not waned. The days did get easier, and you were actually prone to smiling and going out with your friends, but when it got quiet, when you ran out of things to keep your mind occupied, your mind flooded with your memories of him.

 It had been eight months since you had seen Ahk, nearly double the time you had actually spent with him. That was one of the reasons you knew your feelings were real, unlike anything you had experienced before. Normally, like with Ryan, when someone was out of your life, they were just that—out. You thought of them less and less until you never thought of them at all. That was the nature of life—people came and went, just like in that verse from the “Prufrock” poem by T.S. Eliot: “In the room the women come and go. Talking of Michelangelo.”  

 You still had to work every single day to keep thoughts of Ahkmenrah at bay.

 Chelsea finalized her markings in your notebook and handed it back to you.

 “I really think you should stick to opening with that in-depth description of the Nile—the sight, the sound, the smell—it’s riveting. It sets up the scene for the Egyptians acceptance of Akhenaten’s proposal—one river that gives life, one god that gives life.”

 You nodded, drawing a star by Chels’s note.

 “I’ll rework the PowerPoint tonight. Can I buy you dinner as a thank-you?”

 Chelsea laughed, “You don’t need to keep feeding me. I’m happy to help. God knows you’ve proofed enough of my papers over the years.”

 You grinned and shrugged your shoulders.

 “Does that mean you aren’t hungry?”

 Chelsea shrugged into her backpack and said, “Hey. Let’s not get hasty now.”

 The two of you giggled together as you decided on a place for dinner.

 * * * * *

 After latching your door and sliding the deadbolt into place, you dropped your backpack by the coffee table and headed to the fridge to grab a water. You wanted to make Chelsea’s suggested change to your PowerPoint presentation and then settle in to do yet another round of edits.

 You nearly had each slide memorized, but when you got to the part of your presentation that challenged your field’s previous notions about Egyptian royalty and argued that the emergence of monogamy in marriages made for a natural evolution to Akhenaten’s monotheistic cult, you paused, your mind swirling with thoughts of Ahkmenrah and his parents.

 You knew once your mind began swirling with memories of Ahk that your proofing skills were rubbish after that, so you shut your laptop and made a cup of tea, sipping it while you watched some light television.

 This was your nightly routine; the more you could push away your thoughts of Ahkmenrah and the museum, the easier it would be to fall asleep.

 You settled into bed, and after about a half an hour of tossing and turning, you fell asleep.

  ~ ~ ~

The cat in your lap purred, its sleek, warm body a welcome weight. You smiled as you stroked the fur behind its ears, noticing that the cat was curled tightly in your lap, settled on your white linen dress that fluttered around your ankles; golden bangles intermixed with brightly colored beaded bangles adorned both of your arms and jingled pleasantly as you moved.

 As you looked up from the sweet creature snuggled on your lap, you smiled as you took in the scene before you. Below, the Nile sparkled in the sun, its lifegiving waters reflecting a deep blue that reminded you of a stormcloud plump with rain. Palm trees littered the banks, grouped in clusters that shaded the grass underneath.

 A strong, but soft hand, one that you knew well, slid over your bare shoulder. Your eyes closed to your husband’s loving touch, his fingers eliciting goosebumps as they slid down your upper arm.

 “Still so sensitive to my touch, love?”

 “Mmm,” you hummed, eyes still shut as Ahkmenrah’s presence enveloped you.

 “Would you like to join me for the meeting with the builders? They believe they have figured out a way to extend irrigation channels into Fayyum to revitalize the fields there.”

 “Oh? That’s excellent news!”

 Ahkmenrah returned your grin, reaching to take your chin in this hand, his fingers grasping the point to tilt your head up. He leaned down for a kiss, sweet, at first, but with a quick swipe of his tongue across your bottom lip, it occurred to you that it was odd for the king to be visiting you mid-afternoon.

 You licked across your lower lip, relishing in the taste of him.

 “Is there something else that you wanted, my king?”

 “I missed you,” Ahkmenrah said with an earnestness that squeezed your heart.

 “I always miss you,” you said, gently prodding your sleepy companion until they leapt off your lap, allowing you to stand and stretch before turning to face your husband.

 You slid your hands up his biceps and locked your eyes onto his. His eyes were particularly blue today, not unlike the Nile. Words weren’t needed as you looked at each other, love etched across both of your faces.

 Ahkmenrah pulled you close to him and closed his lips over yours once more. Soon, you were lost in the passion of the kiss, in the way his body felt against yours, and in the warmth that radiated from his love.

 ~ ~ ~

You gasped as you bolted upright, sweat pooling at your lower back and across your temples. It was the third night in a row that you had this same dream and its vividness continued to overwhelm you. Similar dreams had plagued you over the months, but there was something about the clarity and the purity of emotion within this dream that made it much worse than the others.

 The tears were already formed and as you laid back down, they silently spilled onto your pillow. You knew that no matter the results of your dissertation, you would have to put distance between yourself and Ahk.

 When you loved someone, sometimes you really did have to let them go.

 * * * * *

 Normally, you weren’t one for big parties, but the laughter and spontaneous emission of congratulations along with the buzz of the bar, the clang of glasses, the din of the band in the next room, were all a welcomed cacophony. You hadn’t a clue how many drinks had been bought for you and even worse, consumed by you, but you were the happiest you had been in months.

 You passed!

 You earned your PhD and you had a small pile of job offers to sort through, although you already knew which one you were going to take. It wasn’t quite as much money as some of the others, but it was your dream; and even better than fulfilling your dream, you would be able to give something back to the person who had helped you in your hour of need.

 After you had presented your defense, as you were shaking hands with Dr. Omar Gamal, the director of the Museum of Cairo, an idea took shape and you weren’t ashamed to think that it really was brilliant.

 As you finished the drink in your hand, you gathered everyone’s attention to announce that you were taking the job in Cairo. Cheers erupted and you couldn’t stop grinning as your friends and family took turns congratulating you and peppering you with questions.

 What you didn’t tell anyone was that you already knew exactly what you were going to do once you got there, thanks to Ahkmenrah’s papyruses and your journey through his memories. If you couldn’t be the one to bring happiness into Ahk’s life, then perhaps a reunion with his parents could.

 * * * * *

 By early September, you were well settled in Cairo. Finding Merenkahre and Shepseheret proved to be easier than you expected. In the basement of Cairo’s museum, there was a repository of unidentified mummies, most proving to be average Egyptians who had just enough money to build a decent tomb.

 Apparently, as a final insult, Kahmunrah had buried his parents as commoners to ensure their afterlife would be the opposite of the glorious affair normally reserved for the royals. To Kahmun, a life without luxury was the true punishment, so you really weren’t shocked to find that he did bury both of his parents together. Of course something like love wouldn’t have been valuable to him.

Villains. In the end, they’re all the same.  

 At first, Omar thought you were crazy, and you thought that you were going to for sure get fired. One of the most prominent kings of the Middle Kingdom and his beloved wife were Unidentified Mummies #17 and #18? Impossible.

 But after extensive tests, you were able to prove that the ages and the causes of death matched that of Merenkahre and Shepseheret. What you weren’t able to do was reveal your exact source. It took a lot of cross referencing and circular explanations, but Omar was diverted when you made your proposition for an exciting new exhibit, and even more diverted when you made your proposition to reunite Merenkahre and Shepseheret with their son, Ahkmenrah.

 Omar’s dream was to return all major Egyptian exhibits to their homeland in order to declare them property of the Museum of Cairo. Lending them out to travel the world was one thing, but it was a true indecency when colonizers were the ones who still owned what was taken from the Egyptians’ land.  

 You had sketched up a proposal of showing the three layers of royal Egyptian life—the throne room, the Royal Wife’s garden, and the prince’s chambers. The only hitch in your plan was that to raise the funds for a permanent exhibit in Cairo, you had to build the exhibit at the British Museum of Natural History. If they held the first rights to display, they would fund a permanent exhibit in Cairo.

 The British Museum could also secure the rights to display Ahkmenrah because the American museum was willing to trade Ahk for the mummy of Ahmose-Meritamun; the Americans would then be able to create a female-centric display, something they had been looking to do to showcase the prominence of women during the Ancient Egyptian empire.

 The only thing left to do was to ensure that Larry and Rebecca helped to keep your surprise—when Ahkmenrah was ready to be moved, he should know only the scarcest of details.

 For the first time in a long time, everything was going according to plan.

 * * * * *

 After Omar popped the top of the champagne, the cork skittered across the floor and you and your team laughed as you held out glasses out to catch the bubbly alcohol.

 Merenkahre and Shepseheret’s exhibits were a smash hit. Your PR team had been hyping the return of Ahkmenrah next month to complete the triage of Egyptian royals and opening night had already been sold out.

 The current exhibit of Merenkahre and Shepseheret had been featured in multiple publications and the detail of each layer of royal life had cemented your place as one of the top anthropologists in the world. You never forgot that you owed it all to Ahkmenrah, and you never forgot that you were really doing all of this for him. Within the next month, he would be reunited with his parents.

 Your phone rang, its music invasive and interrupting the happy atmosphere.  

 You sipped the top of your champagne before it could overflow and checked the screen.

 Larry.

 Larry never called. He was a texter, and it had been a long time since you talked. He was still working as the night guard, but he started going to classes to get his teaching degree. Aunt Rebecca was proud of his initiative, and she had kept you up to date on his progress; had she been calling, you wouldn’t have thought twice about letting it go to voicemail and checking it later. But Larry calling . . . something wasn’t right.  

 “I gotta answer this—be right back!” you said as you moved away from the laughter and the even happier chatter.

 “Hey Lar—what’s up?”

 “Y/N! I’m so glad you answered. Look, I’m not sure how to tell you this, and he doesn’t even know I’m calling you because he’d probably sick those jackals on me if he did find out and we all know—”

 “Larry. You’re babbling. What’s going on?”

 “Ahk’s sick.”

 “Sick? He’s a regenerated mummy. He comes back to life in perfect health, perfectly restored. How could he be . . . sick?”

 “It’s the tablet. I think the tablet is . . . dying.”

 You had made your way to the end of the hallway where a large set of stairs led up to the display. You sat down, hard, on the top stair, your body numb, your mind whirring—you were so close to giving Ahkmenrah his parents back. He couldn’t be dying, for fuck’s sake. He just couldn’t be.

 “Tell me everything.”

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Păpuşă (s.s.)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: ~6.3k

Summary: You and Sebastian just finished a movie together. This is your first promo interview. What happens when an unknown truth is revealed?

Italicized = flashback

My Masterlist

“My first guest tonight is starring in her very first movie, a hilarious romantic comedy with Sebastian Stan that’s coming out in theaters this Friday. It’s her first time on the show- her first interview even. Please welcome to the show, Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

I come from behind the curtain and am greeted by Jimmy Fallon. He shakes my hand before giving me a light hug as I step up onto the stage in the 5 inch heels I immediately regret choosing for this interview. I wave at the crowd before taking a seat.

“Welcome to the show, Y/N.” He greets.

“Thank you! I’m excited to be here.” I cross my legs at the knee to get more comfortable in the outfit my stylist picked for me. This was my first promo interview for my very first movie. It’s expected to do fantastic at the box office. I know it’s going to be a great film.

“So this is your first movie. How cool is that?”

“Oh it’s beyond cool. I can’t even explain how excited I am for it to finally come out.” I smile, thinking about the last year of my life and how much it has changed.

“And your co-star and love interest is the amazing Sebastian Stan. Tell me how that was and how that came to be.”

“That’s a funny story actually. I insulted him during the first round of auditions.”

“Can you believe you’re headed to your first audition?” My friend shrieks in my ear through my headphones. I walk down the sidewalk from the bus station, trying to re-read the script we were all sent to make sure I memorized my lines.

 “No, I can’t. Don’t get your hopes up. You know how rare it is for someone to book their first ever audition? Practically unheard of.” I finally find the building after hanging up and go inside. I follow the signs until I reach a large room with dozens of people waiting their turn. People left and right all reading from the same script I have. I feel like the complete amateur I am in this crowd. Everyone looks so professional and not at all nervous, like I am. I find a quiet corner where there aren’t very many people.

 “Hey.” I hear someone one say over my soft music. I pull out my earphone to see a gorgeous girl standing in front of me. “Do you need help running lines?” She asks offering a kind smile.

 “Sure.” I unplug and put away my phone.

 We go over some small talk before turning to the script. I feel foolish doing this in front of her, but at least it’s some practice that I definitely need. I feel like I know this script front-wards and backwards by now, but I still feel like I will mess it up somehow.

 After we rehearse the necessary scenes, we continue to chat. She tells me that this is her tenth audition this week and I instantly want to drop out. There’s no way I will get picked over her. She looks like she belongs in this world. I don’t. The best that I could probably get would be someone in the back with no lines. I know it’d be something. Getting even a small part in a movie is something. But I want to go big. I wanted to go for the female lead. Go big or go home, right?

 We’re standing around, waiting for the process to start.

 And then he walks in.

 “Who,” I drag out, “is that?” I try not to stare too much, but it’s hard not to. He is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. His shorter dark brown hair is covered with a dark blue baseball cap and his steel blue eyes are shaded by a pair of tortoise sunglasses, but he’s not fooling anyone. His beard is perfectly trimmed, trying to hide the sharp jawline but failing miserably. No one seems to have noticed his entrance, or if they did no one wanted to react.

 She turns around to see who I’m gawking at. “You seriously don’t know who that is?”

 “Oh no, I know exactly who that is. I just wanted to have that ‘movie moment’.” She laughed at my silly behavior, before looking behind me again.

 “Well get ready to have another because here he comes.”

 By the time I turned around, he was a few feet away from us. He greets the girl next to me. “Who’s your friend?” He asks, looking at me.

 “Y/N.” I introduce myself. I see out of my peripheral vision him hold his hand out to me. I shake it, trying my hardest to keep my fangirling at bay.

 “Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Sebastian.”

 I chuckled at how humble he is. He’s an A-list actor. He needs no introductions anymore. “I know. You played one of my least favorite characters on Gossip Girl.”

 “One of?” He asks, feigning offense. He crosses his arms over his broad chest, trying to act like a tough guy. “Who’s worse than me?”

 “Georgina,” I don’t hesitate to say, “and then Louis and Marcus tie for a close second. Blair didn’t have the best dating history.” I just finished re-watching all six seasons of the show for like the fifth time, so everything is fresh. I never thought my knowledge of a teen soap-drama would actually come in handy one day. “A history that briefly included Carter, even if it was to just piss off Chuck.”

 “In your eyes, what made Carter so bad?”

 “What he did to Beth was inexcusable. He deserved to work off his debt to the Buckley’s. And then lying to Serena about how long he’s known about where her dad is? That was sketchy and unnecessary. He didn’t deserve Serena. I was happy she left him on the side of the road.”

 He smirks at me, “You seem to have a strong opinion.”

 “Well I did just finish watching it again so you could say I’m pretty well-versed on what happened with Manhattan’s Upper East Side elite.”

 “I’d love to hear what other opinions you have.” His smirk turned into a smile that lit up the room.

 The first name was called into the audition room, bringing us back to the reason we are all here.

 “What part are you auditioning for?” He asks after the conversations continued around the room.

 “Noelle.” I name the main female character and ask the same question in return.

“Forrest.” He answers with the name of the main male character a.k.a. Noelle’s love interest. “Do you want to run lines together real quick before we get called in there? It’d be nice to go through it with someone who actually knows the dialogue.”

“We ran lines together and found out we just fit. When we made it to the chemistry read round, they told us to pair up. You can imagine everyone wanted to be his partner.”

“Everyone wanted to be Bucky’s partner.” Jimmy filled in.

“Everyone!” I emphasized. “I mean, how could they not? He’s a phenomenal actor and an even better human being.” I had to stop myself from gushing about him. I didn’t want to give everyone the wrong idea about us… “And much to everyone else’s dismay, he chose me because of how well we had gotten along the last time and we remained a pair for the rest of the process.”

“That’s awesome. And since this is your first movie, it must have been helpful to be surrounded by so many veterans.”

“Oh gosh, was it ever! I had no idea what I was doing the entire time. I felt like a fish out of water. Thank God I had someone like Sebastian to help whenever I needed something, which was a lot.”

I slam the door of my trailer and immediately fall apart. Today was bad. No, worse than bad. It was a trainwreck. I wouldn’t be surprised if they fired me after that awful performance.

I don’t know what was wrong with me today. I kept forgetting my lines, constantly messing up the take and having to do it over and over again. I know the director and everyone else involved must be frustrated with me with wasting everyone’s money and time. I also kept missing my marks. Somehow my feet and my eyes couldn’t register where I was supposed to stand and stop in the camera shot.

But worst of all, I couldn’t get into character. Getting into another head space right now didn’t seem possible no matter how many times I read the scene, I just couldn’t do it. It was frustrating as an actress because that’s what I’m being paid to do and I can’t do my job.

Knocks on my door nearly scares the crap out of me. I don’t get up from my spot on the floor. I don’t want to talk to anyone or have anyone seeing me like this.

Unfortunately I forgot to lock the door, so whoever knocked opens it and comes in. “Hey.” Sebastian’s voice fills my trailer with no trace of frustration. I run my fingers through my hair and wipe the tears away. He sits next to me, not saying anything else.

“I’m so sorry.” A new wave of tears threatens to fall, but I push them back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “You’re just having an off day. Everyone has them. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.” He coos. “Frankly, I think we’d all be surprised if you didn’t have one. Then we may think you’re a Russian spy coming to infiltrate.”

A very unattractive snort came from my nose as I tried not to burst out laughing. I finally look at him to see him smiling. Even if my dark trailer, his grin lights up the entire room like it always does. “You should know! You’re the Romanian vampire who never ages.”

“‘Romanian vampire’ is kind of redundant.” He pursed his lips, nodding. “All vampires are from Romania.”

“Oh shut up!” I use all of my strength to push him over but because his arm is secured around me, he barely moved more than a few inches and brought me with him. He keeps going though, lying on the floor, pulling me to his chest. We lie in the new calm silence.

Over the last few weeks, Sebastian has become more than just my co-star. He’s someone I would call a good friend. I can go to him if I need help knowing he would never judge me. I can bounce ideas off of him for our upcoming scenes. I can talk to him so easily about anything that’s on my mind and he will engage in the most meaningless conversations with me. I truly enjoy his company more than I ever thought I would… which definitely didn’t help with the slight crush on him before I even met him.

I tried to bury it as soon as we were both cast in this film. I didn’t want to ruin this job because of it by making things awkward on set when I couldn’t get a grip on reality. I managed pretty well until we had to do our kissing scene… When I found out there was going to be one, I instantly dreaded it. My only hope was it was done right away. I wanted to get it out of the way so I could then get over it and look at him as just a friend and co-star for the rest of the movie.

Luck was not on my side though. It took two months before we got to that scene. Two whole months of hanging out with him on and off set, running lines behind the scenes, him bringing me Starbucks every morning, and me slowly falling for him before finally getting to that scene. And to say it made things worse would have been an understatement. Every scene we’ve had to do together after that, I messed up at least twice getting lost in the things he said and the way he looked at me. I’d try and explain it away by blaming the lack of sleep for clouding my mind, but that can only go so far and can be used so many times before people start getting concerned about my health and work ethic.

“Are you going to be okay, păpuşă?” He asks breaking the silence with his Romanian that sounds like the most natural thing in the world. I wish he would tell me what that word means. I asked him the first time he used it, but he said, “Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.” So now I just deal with it and hope for the day he finally tells me.

“Did you two get close during filming? I ask because when he was here earlier in the week, he said he told the casting people when they offered him the part that he wouldn’t do the movie if you weren’t cast as Noelle. And there are plenty of rumors about the two of you being an item.”

My heart dropped. “Did he really say that?” I hadn’t had a chance to watch his interview from last week. I had been so busy with preparing all of mine in the coming weeks that I haven’t had much down time. And he didn’t say a word about it to me. Jimmy played the clip where he indeed said that. “Wow. Um...” I manage to squeak out before snapping out of it. “Yeah, we did get pretty close. I’m lucky enough to be able to consider him my best guy friend now. He’s someone I trust wholeheartedly.”

“So those rumors about you two dating are…?”

“Untrue. I am single and he is, too.” At one point during filming, I wasn’t sure that was true…

“Cut!” The director yells. “Alright, that’s a wrap today! Good job everyone. Be back here at 9 am tomorrow.”

I turn to one of my co-stars. “Thank God this day is over! I’m so tired. All I want to do this weekend is go back to my hotel room and stay there until Monday.”

“So you and Sebastian don’t have plans this weekend?” She asks as we walk back to our trailers.

“No? Why would we?” We do hang out a lot after we’re done filming for the day and sometimes spend the weekend hanging out in one of our hotel rooms, but we’re not always together like she is making it seem.

“So he’s free this Friday?” She tried to hide the smile on her face by biting her lip.

I shrugged, “As far as I know, yes? Why don’t you go ask him yourself? I’m not his keeper.”

That Friday, as we finish filming for the day, I see him leaving with her and I don’t hear from him again until I see him Monday morning. She was grinning ear-to-ear the entire day and he acted odd around me for the week following. He didn’t look at me unless we were filming, he disappeared during our lunch break, he would give short answers to my questions but then run away as soon as he saw an opening, and he’d be gone before I finished changing in my trailer. By the next weekend, I had had enough of it.

I bang on his hotel door and wait. It took a few minutes before I heard the lock on click and the door open to reveal a shirtless Sebastian and a pair of low-hanging sweatpants around his waist. His hair was also a mess, hanging in front of his eye. “Y/N, this isn’t a good time. I-”

“Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something? I thought we were-”

“Is that the room service, Sebby?” I hear someone call from inside the room.

And suddenly, I realize what an idiot I was. He wasn’t avoiding me. He was just occupied with someone else now.

He turns back to me with the guiltiest look on his beautiful face. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, I, uh, I’ll see you Monday.”

“Y/N!”

That weekend was probably the worst I had had in a very long time. I locked myself in my hotel room and ignored everyone except for the delivery guys when they brought me food. Sebastian came to my door a few times, knocking and begging for me to open up for twenty minutes the first time but then got shorter every time he came back.

By Monday, I plastered a smile on my face and planned on giving the performance of a lifetime, but fell incredibly short. I could barely look at him without feeling betrayed. But why did I feel like that? We weren’t together. He can hang out with whomever he wants. He’s a gorgeous single man who could have his choice of any girl and he’s choosing someone that isn’t me.

“Cut! That’s lunch.” Everyone scatters after the announcement. I make a bee-line for my trailer to eat in peace. I picked up something before coming in this morning for this very reason.

“Y/N, wait!” I hear Sebastian shout. As much as I want to ignore him right now, I have to get along with him for the sake of filming. But if he wants to talk about anything other than the movie, I’m out. He appears in front of me, halting my steps. “Now who’s avoiding who?”

“I’m not avoiding you. I just want to get to my lunch. I’ve been looking forward to it all day and I’m starving.” I step around him to continue my journey.

“Subway again?” He guesses correctly walking along with me. I don’t answer. I just kept going finally seeing my trailer in sight. “Can I please explain myself?”

“You don’t need to. You don’t owe me anything.” I yank open the door and step inside. He follows.

“I know I don’t need to, but it’s obvious you’re upset-”

“Upset? What gave you that impression?” My sarcasm bit. “Was it ignoring your constant knocking on my door? Or was it the fact that I didn’t return any of your phone calls and texts? Oh no, it must have been my blatant disregard for your repeated efforts to talk about it. I’m just giving back what you gave me all of last week.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, “I know I should have talked to you.”

“Why? Like I said, you don’t owe me anything.”

He steps closer. “But I do. We’re friends, Y/N. I should have told you what was going on.”

Friends. The worst F word a person can hear from someone they like.

So he explains. She had asked him out on a date last week. He said yes. They had a good time, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. He was weird around me last week because he didn’t know if he could talk to me about it. He didn’t know if we were at that level of friendship yet, but I assured him that he could talk to me about anything, even girls no matter how much that would hurt. Of course I didn’t say that last part.

“Are we okay now?” He asks from his seat across the table. “Can I have my best friend back?”

“I’m your best friend? I thought that was reserved for Evans or Mackie.” I cross my arms on the table, smirking outwardly at his statement. My heart hurt a little to hear it. I don’t want to be his best friend… I want to be more.

“I think they’ll understand.” He smiles at me only confirming my stupid feelings.

“Well in that case, we have to be okay. If I’m going to face their wrath, I’m going to need some Winter Soldier protection.” My smirk turned into a smile as I imagine what their reactions are going to be.

“I gotchu, păpuşă.”

“Well if you’re both single then why not make it true? I saw the movie. Your chemistry is fire.”

I tried to hide my being uncomfortable with laughter. “I mean,” I shrugged, “I’m never going to say ‘never,’ because you really don’t know what can happen in the future, especially in Hollywood. But as for right at this moment, I am single.”

“And are you ready to mingle?”

“I am so ready to mingle!” I exclaim. “You have the connections, set a girl up!”

The rest of the interview went smoothly after that. I was escorted back to the dressing room, where I met up with my agent. She confirmed I had two phone interviews later, but I wasn’t listening very much. All I wanted to do was talk to Sebastian.

When I called him, I got his voicemail. “Bună iubito,” I use the greeting he taught me that meant “hey dude,” or something along the lines of that, “can you give me a call back as soon as you’re not busy? I need to talk to you about something.” I leave my hotel information before hanging up.

I just hang up with room service later that evening when there’s a knock on my door.

“I come bearing food!” He greets as he steps into my room.

“I just ordered room service.” I whine before taking a look at what he brought. Subway. Of course. I shake my head at how well he knows me before joining him at the table.

“Thank God because I’m starving. I only got this for you because you said you wanted to talk. I figured I needed to apologize for something, so I brought your favorite to soften the blow.”

“You know I had my Fallon interview today, right?” I ask getting straight to the point.

“Oh yeah, how’d that go?” He started unpacking my food, not looking at me.

“Good…” when he didn’t say anything, I add, “He told me what you said.”

His head dropped and his shoulders slumped. A sharp breath of air came out like a weight just lifted. “I was waiting for this.” He mumbles as he turns around to face me. “Look, if it sounded like an insult, I didn’t mean like that. I just meant that I believed in you so much and we got along so well during the audition process that if they didn’t choose you to play my opposite, then I didn’t want to be a part of the movie.”

“Why would you do that though? I’m sure there were more well-established actresses that auditioned that you would have gotten along with just as well. You took a huge risk betting on me.” I can’t imagine what this would do to his career if this fails because of me. “Not to mention, you could have lost the movie completely because of your foolishness.”

“I know, I know. There was just…” He paused, gaining a half smile at the image in his head, “there was just something about you that I wanted to know. I couldn’t let the opportunity go; I couldn’t let the possibility of being around you more slip through my fingers.”

Even in the poorly lit room, I could see the emotions in his eyes. The emotions I’ve seen multiple times while filming this movie with him… The way I imagine I look at him when he’s not looking. My heart races at the possibility of what he could be saying. I’ve had a crush on this man for years before I met him. Even the mention of his name made me smile and seeing videos of him interacting with fans always ended with me giggling because he was just so adorable. Then I actually met him and he has exceeded all of my expectations since then. He is the sweetest, most down to earth, hard-working, kind-hearted, passionate human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And by some miracle, he might feel the same way about me that I do him.

“Sebastian…”

“Y/N…”

I had to sit down. If we were going to have this conversation, I wanted to be sitting. I curled up on the couch. He followed, sitting facing me resting his arm on the back of the couch. “When?” was the only question I could ask. My mind was spinning. Was this really happening right now?

His big, mesmerizing blue eyes locked on mine. They were filled with nostalgia as he remembered the moment. “It was the first time we hung out off set.”

After a long first week of filming, it was finally the weekend. One of the other actors suggested we all go out to celebrate surviving. I immediately turned to Y/N, waiting for her answer. All week I have been wanting to hang out with her off set. She is hilarious while just the two of us are between takes but shy when around everyone else, I wanted to know what she would be like in a more casual environment and not surrounded by dozens of people.

During lunch we all agreed to meet at this “cool” club downtown. Even as she said yes, I could tell she didn’t really want to. She’s an introvert. She doesn’t like crowds of people she doesn’t know. When we got back on set, I promised her I wouldn’t leave her side. She seemed reassured by it and that made me happy.

She makes me happy. Being around her has made me feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time. From the first moment I met her, she wasn’t afraid to tell me how she felt about my portrayal of an Upper East Side elite dick. Her conviction about a simple show showed me a side that interested me. What else made her blood boil? What other kinds of things is she passionate about? I had to know.

So when I was offered the part of Forrest, I asked who they were going to cast as Noelle. I panicked when they were leaning more towards someone else. I wanted to spend more time with her. Filming nearly every day with her for three to four months and then promoting the movie afterwards will give me that time. I knew I was risking everything by saying I wouldn’t do it unless she was Noelle. My agent definitely wasn’t happy with me about it when she found out. Thankfully it all worked in both of our favors.

She wasn’t like anyone I’d met in this industry and I wanted to see what else there was to her. I vowed not to waste any opportunity to do so.

I told her I would pick her up at her hotel and then we could go to the club together. But when she opened the door, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Do you just want to order pizza instead?”

No matter how badly I wanted to say yes and completely forget the plans we had made, I knew the two leads had to participate in a cast get-together even if it was only for a short bit. I did manage to convince her to go at least for a little while and then we could get pizza. I even added ice cream to the deal to persuade her.

When we got to the club, she instantly clammed up. I did all I could to make her feel comfortable for the time being by upholding my earlier promise. I never left her side. We ordered one drink, toasted with the cast, chatted for about ten minutes, and then we left.

The second she stepped out of the club, she was back to being her confident self. She complained about how stuffy it was in there, how loud and obnoxious the music was and how all she wanted to do was go back to her hotel and eat pizza and ice cream. Her wish was my command…

After we finally got our food, we went back to my hotel room. I was right about her having a whole different side to her outside of work. She is laid back, incredibly funny, and outgoing once she gets comfortable with you. I learned she has many different laughs for different situations, all of them equally as adorable as the last. She snorts when she laughs so hard that she can’t breathe. She squeaks when she likes something, her nose crinkles and her upper lip kinks up when she doesn’t. Each and every time she laughs, her smile lights up the room. She does have very strong opinions on more things than TV shows she knows well. I got to know her more than I ever expected.

“You know I didn’t initially want to be an actress?” She says lying on the couch with her feet on my lap. “It was more like a last resort thing. I never thought I could do it.”

“Why didn’t you think you could do it?” I ask flabbergasted by her inability to see how talented she is. Throughout the audition process, if I didn’t already know she was a newbie, I would never have guessed it. She acted like a pro. She nailed just about everything that was asked of her.

“Well,” She finishes her last piece of pizza, impressing the hell out of me. This girl isn’t afraid to eat. She consumed the entirety of her own pizza. I love it. “It’s not that I thought I couldn’t act. It’s that I knew it would a long shot that anything would ever come of it. All you ever hear about are people struggling to make it in LA. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like failing. If I didn’t get this movie, I probably would have given up on acting completely and tried something else.

Plus, it was drilled into my mind during my formative years that being an actor or a singer ‘weren’t real jobs’ so I just kind of swept it under the rug, never to be thought about again… until a few months ago that is.”

“Just goes to show, păpuşă, that you shouldn’t listen to the doubters.”

“Pap-what?” Her brows furrowed and her mouth hung open in confusion.

“Păpuşă.” I repeated fully knowing she has no clue what I’m saying. I’d been calling her that in my head ever since I met her, guess it just kind of slipped out.

She sat up and scooted closer to me. “I know you fluently speak Romanian, no need to show off to the rest of us that are inept and uneducated at languages. What does it mean?”

I tucked some of her hair behind her ear, taking in her natural beauty. When I met her, she wasn’t wearing much make-up, and she looked stunning. She’s complained to me many times this week that she has to wear more than she’s used to for filming. She thoroughly enjoys when she can take it off at the end of the day. She goes into her trailer as a beautiful woman, but she comes out the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen when she is without any. Not only is she naturally beautiful, her hair smells heavenly I literally want to bury my face in it constantly, she’s smarter than she thinks she is, she’s kind to everyone on set, she’s caring towards all she meets, she’s creative on and off set, she’s extremely passionate about many different things, she’s… everything I had thought she would be and so much more.

I like her. A lot more than I ever thought I would. I see that now.

“Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask after going down memory lane of that night. We went to McDonalds later because we were both still hungry and were craving their fries. We walked a few blocks to do so, singing Disney songs to each other down the empty streets to pass the time. It was an adventure that I never expected but am extremely grateful for. It showed me a side of him I had always wanted to see… and it only worsened my feelings for him.

“I didn’t want to make things awkward on set if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“And that date you went on with-?” It was only a month after our first hang out that he went out with our co-star. If he liked me then, it doesn’t make sense why he would go through with it.

“I did agree to go on a date with her, but only because I couldn’t go out with the person I really wanted to take out. And as soon as we got to the restaurant, she told me she only asked me out because she knew you wouldn’t. She was hoping that her even mentioning asking me out would spark something in you. That gave me hope.” Even the small smile that appeared beamed causing my insides to feel all melty.

“If you had hope then why did you ignore me after that?” All of the pieces are coming together now; it’s all starting to make sense.

“I only ignored you because every time I looked at you, all I wanted to do was tell you how I felt. But I didn’t want to tell you unless I knew for certain that you liked me back. I didn’t know how to handle it correctly. The night you came to my hotel room, she was only there to try and convince me to tell you. I had just gotten out of the shower when she arrived, so she had ordered room service while I was getting dressed. That’s when you knocked on the door. Nothing was going on between us.” He reached over, taking my hand in his. “It shattered me to see how hurt you were.”

I shook my head at the memory of that night. “Did you even suspect why I was so hurt?” I know at times I wasn’t subtle about my feelings for him. I always had a stupidly big smile on my face when I was around him, finding every opportunity to bring him up in a conversation… but that night, I was sure he would find out. When he didn’t ask me about it specifically, I thought he didn’t notice or care.

“Believe me, I had hoped that the reason you were so upset was because you cared about me the way I did you. But when I explained everything and you didn’t say anything, I assumed…”

“When you called me your best friend, it kind of slammed the door on that talk. One of the reasons why one day I literally could not do anything right was because of how I felt about you.” I admit, “I think I just got so overwhelmed with everything going on with the movie and how quickly life had flipped upside-down, trying to make sense of my feelings for you and maintaining a façade that my mind just could not do what everyone asked of it.”

He titters, “The day we laid on the floor in your trailer for so long that we fell asleep.” I nod. As we both reminisce about that day, his thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand. We fell asleep for quite some time too. It was the best nap I had had in a very long time. No one had any idea where we were and why we weren’t back on set when called. It was slightly embarrassing to be found in that position but since we were both clothed, no one suspected anything happened.

“I tried to bury my feelings for you when we were cast, but every day we’ve spent together has just-”

“made them stronger?” He finishes, locking eyes with me.

“How freaking cliché is that? Falling for your co-star?” Everything is telling me that this wouldn’t work. The track record of celebrities starting relationships on set and staying together is staggeringly low. I don’t want to become another statistic, but with the way Sebastian is looking at me right now, it makes me feel hopeful that we’d be one of the success stories.

“I mean, I liked you before we were even cast. Doing the movie together just helped those feelings grow exponentially.” He smiles at me again, caressing my cheek.

“You made sure of that,” I chuckled.

“And I think I made the right choice in trusting my heart.” He grabs both of my hands and pulls me up off of the couch. “If we’re going to do this, I want to do it right.” He takes a deep breath, letting his smile take over his handsome features. “Will you, Y/F/N Y/L/N, go out on a date with me?”

“It would be my humblest honor, Sebastian Stan.”

“Great, how does now sound?” He asks eagerly.

“Now? But Subway and room service…” I whine, eyeing the long white plastic bag on the table.

“You know as well as I do that you can have it later or tomorrow.” He gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue with him. He knows that’s what I’ve done multiple times; he knows I can’t argue with him. Bastard.

“Ugh, fine!” I whine some more. “Let me just take off my make-up and then we can go.” I still hadn’t taken off the stage make-up from my interview earlier. I felt disgusting and in need of a good face wash.

“Păpuşă, you look perfect.” He pulls me to him after I exit the bathroom, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Are you ever going to tell me what that means?” I giggle as he buries his bearded face in my neck.

He laughs, pulling back. “Doll.”

“What?”

“Păpuşă means ‘doll’.”

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @naniky

[nothingeverlost]

penny!verse. I'm curious how Belle & Gabe walk the line between a teenage boy getting into halloween and Claire being just old enough start to understand the holiday and be scared of some of the movies and things, especially given what B&G have seen because of their jobs. tricks and treats?

Apparently when I said ‘flashfic’ I lied.  Are we shocked?

Takes place about 5 years after Belle returns. Claire is a little over two.  

____________

Halloween stores were not Belle’s favorite place.  She’d seen too many skeletons laid out on coroner’s tables to be amused by the styrofoam immiations.  One aisle was entirely fake weapons, from plastic knives painted with fake blood to rubber guns that looked too realistic.  Worst were the costumes that declared ‘serial killer’ and ‘sociopath’ and ‘insane patient’ to be the perfect way to dress up.

Unfortunately she needed a costume for Claire, and didn’t have the time to look more than one place, of the skills to make it herself.  Bay, seeking a costume of his own, had decided to join the trip which meant she couldn’t just stick to the aisle filled with rainbow colored costumes.  Claire settled relatively quickly on a ‘pun-kin’ costume.  Belle wondered if Bay would be as easy to please.

“Hey Belle, you should totally dress up this year.  There’s a ton of stuff here.  Just not, you know, the sexy FBI agent costume because that would be weird.”  Bay didn’t seem to have found a costume yet; the only thing in his hands was a pumpkin carving kit.

“I wish I thought you were joking.”  She had nothing against dressing up.  And certainly she and Gabe had tried their hand at role play more than once, but the general sexualization of women’s costumes upset her.  Sometimes it seemed there wasn’t any other option and she hated the message that it sent.  “We’re only taking Claire to a few homes this year before dinner at David and Mary Margaret’s.  If anyone asks I’ll tell them that I am a FBI agent.  What about you?”

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to Gabe yet, but I think I’m missing dinner this year.  There’s this party, one of the guys in my chem class is throwing it.  I can’t decide, is Dracula too overdone or is it classic?”  He looked at his hands; Belle hadn’t noticed the fake blood container on top of the carving kit.

“Classic,” Belle decided.  It certainly was better than a lot of other options he could have come up with, and she knew that he had almost everything he’d need at home.  They just needed to find fangs and a cloak.  When she thought too much about the party, though, the hairs at the back of her neck stuck up.  He was nineteen, in college now but mercifully had decided he wanted to live at home.  He needed, even more than other kids his age, to feel like he belonged.  In high school it had been common knowledge that he hadn’t grown up the same, that school was new to him.  He was small for his age thanks to poor nutrition.  It had taken time, Gabe had told her, for him to settle in and begin to make friends.  Now as a college freshman he had a fresh start in many ways.  

She knew what could happen at parties.  Knew that kids on their own for the first time would be testing their limits.  And Halloween always seemed to make it worse, the anonymity of masks and costumes allowed people to do things they wouldn’t usually consider.  She had to bite her tongue to keep from telling him it was a bad idea.  She would have to talk to Gabe and figure out how they prepared their boy as well as they could.

Every year since she’d moved back they’d all had dinner at the Nolan’s - the first time she’s almost hadn’t gone, but Emma had talked her into coming and Archie had gone home with her; they’d watched Christmas movies for hours declaring it the start of the holiday season.  The next year she and Gabe had been together, and had come with Bay and gone back to the pink house.  Three years ago she had only just learned she was pregnant.; the next year there had been four of them.  Last year she’d dressed Claire up as a dragon and Neal Nolan had been a knight.  Emma, Graham, Ariel, and Archie had all joined her, Gabe, Mary Margaret and David was they’d taken the two around the neighborhood.  Henry and Bay had spent most of the night playing video games.  Perhaps she should have known then that the tradition was changing, but she would miss it.

“Awesome.  Give me five minutes to grab a couple of things and I’ll be ready to go.”  True to his word Bay was back in four with a red lined black cloak and an uncomfortable looking set of plastic teeth.  He also had a gold plastic necklace with a large medallion that was supposed to look gothic.  Perhaps she would at least be able to sneak in some education on the historical and literary character of Dracula. She paid for their purchases even though Bay offered to cover his own, and was relieved when they were headed home.

II

“Would you like paints too, sweetheart?  It might be safer for you.”  Belle teasingly moved the carving knives closer to Bay and offered her husband a paintbrush.  Claire, covered in an old shirt of her brother’s, had a paper plate covered in easy wash paints in front of her and a pumpkin waiting to be decorated.  Bay was already sketching out a monster’s face on his pumpkin, while Belle’s plan was for something more traditional.  

“I haven’t had a kitchen accident in ages, thank you very much.”  Gabe accepted the brush, though, thinking it might come in handy.  It had potential for tickling a certain brunette on the back of her neck, for starters.  And perhaps other places as well, when his kids weren’t around.  He jumped into his own carving without a plan or sketch.  Everything was quiet for a few minutes before Claire started crying.

“Sweetheart?”  Her hands were covered with paint, and somehow her left cheek as well, but he didn’t hesitate before pulling her onto his lap.  He was closer than Belle.  “Can you tell papa what you’re feeling?”

“Hurt,” she sobbed between her tears.  

“Where does it hurt, my love?”  He couldn’t see anything but maybe the paint was hiding it.  Or maybe it wasn’t something that could be seen; she’d had the flu a few months ago and had thrown up enough that they’d had to take her to the emergency room for an IV.

“Pun-kin hurt.”  She pointed to his pumpkin, the top cut off and some of the seeds removed.  “Bandaid?”

“Oh dear,” Belle spoke from across the table.  “I hope this doesn’t mean I picked the wrong costume.”

“It’s okay, peanut, the pumpkin likes it.”  Often times anything Bay said was okay was taken as law by Claire, but today she wasn’t having any of it.  She only cried harder.

“Hurted.  Pun-kin owey.  Fix, papa.”  She looked up at him and if he wasn’t convinced by the tears he was when she touched his cheek.  “Peese?”

“Mama will go get some bandaids while we wash our hands, princess.  We have some surgery to prepare for.”

II

“It’s just me, Claire.  Your brother.  See?”  The scary man crouched low, holding out his hands so he could take her away.  He’d already taken her Bay and was in his room, his face the wrong color, like the same as her milk, and blood on his mouth.  She wanted her Bay.

“It’s a costume, kiddo.  I’m just getting ready for a party.”  When he came closer Claire wanted to run but maybe Bay was hurted.  Claire did the only thing she could think of, she kicked as hard as she could and ran to find her papa.  He would make the scary thing go away and find her Bay.

II

It was after two when he pulled into the garage, his cloak in a heap in the passenger seat and the ridiculous fangs in some trash can.  When he looked in the rearview mirror he could still see streaks of white from the makeup he’d mostly washed off.  Unfortunately he could see some blood on his lip, and not the fake kind.  Hopefully it would look better in the morning, before he had to sit across the breakfast table from his family.

When he opened the garage door he found that there were still a few lights on.  Normally catching Gabe and Belle kissing on the couch made him feel both good, because of how much they loved each other, and weird because who wanted to see their parents doing that?  Tonight, though, he just hoped they were distracting each other enough that he could get to the stairs before letting them know that he was home..

He should have known better.  FBI agents, even when one was retired, were not people you snuck away from.

“Aren’t you going to say goodnight?  Or perhaps good morning?”  He couldn’t ignore Gabe, and took a deep breath.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me.  I would have let you know I was home.”  He knew they worried, and understood it.  Appreciated it, even.  Before meeting Gabe he hadn’t known anyone could care about him.  

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, Bay, we just…”  Belle stopped, and got off the sofa.  “What happened to your lip?”

“It doesn’t hurt.”  Or it least it didn’t until Belle touched it, no matter how soft her touch was.  “It was a good party.  Most of it.  There was just this one guy.”

“Someone you liked?”  Gabe asked, frowning.  

“Hell no.”  It hadn’t been that long ago that he’d told Gabe how he felt about guys.  Had said the word ‘gay’ outloud.  Gabe had told him it was the person that mattered, not their gender.  He’d also gone into embarrassing detail about what it meant to be safe and protected.  There had been a guy at the party and there might have been some fumbling in a literal closet, but he wasn’t about to talk about that.  “Someone who liked a girl that didn’t like him back.  He didn’t accept the word no.”

“Bastard.”  Gabe’s expression could only be described as a snarl.  Belle touched his arm and gave it a squeeze.

“Is she alright?”  Belle asked.

“Yeah.  I gave her a ride back to her dorm.  Dom was too busy holding his nose to notice where we went.”  He wasn’t ashamed at the pride he felt in what might have been a broken nose.

“I’m glad she’s safe.  And you are too.”  Belle kissed his cheek.  “Now let’s go get some ice for that.”

II

“It’s too much to hope that the experience has soured him on parties, isn’t it?”  Thirty minutes later Bay had gone to bed, Claire had been checked on and was still sleeping in her costume, and he and Belle were finally getting ready for bed.  “It was easier when he was still in high school.”

“He’s smart and he’s kind, and he’s not alone.  That matters, sweetheart.”  Belle spoke from the bathroom.

“At least Halloween is over for the year.”  He stripped out of his clothing and slipped under the blankets.

“Not until the sun rises.”  When Belle came out of the bathroom she wore a witches hat and a black lace nightie covered in bats.  And nothing else.  “Not everything about Halloween is bad.”

He had to agree.

[inziliel]

TheWonderfulShoe’s Bumblebee Billboard Hits Challenge

I don’t know why, giving that I basically never use Tumblr, I decided to do this...but hello from inziliel or TheWonderfulShoe!

I finally watched the movie Bumblebee recently, and I actually thought it was pretty cute and fun. The opening scene blew my mind, honestly, since I somehow managed to avoid basically all spoilers (a miracle!) So, I was chatting with some fantastic people, some of whom write fanfiction or do fanart for the series (some Bumblee!centric, but also those who do general Transformers love or other/mixed continuities), and we were coming up with song ideas to help one of the bunch write.

When I was driving later, a few Beatles songs came on my shuffle, and I randomly had the thought...what if there were a challenge using some Billboard Hits for various years? The Bumblee movie focused on 80s music (though there were some others, too) and previous Bay-verse movies have had some variety, though often well-known ones from which Bee could have taken clips almost anywhere/anytime. Somehow this clicked very suddenly into a decision that I needed to pick 5-10 songs from each Billboard Hits year from 1960-2018 (since Year End 2019 won’t be out yet for a bit) and make some challenge rules...

YOU ARE ALL WELCOME. FOR THE BUMBLEBEE BILLBOARD HITS CHALLENGE YOU NEVER NEEDED OR WANTED HONESTLY.

(So without further ado...)

TheWonderfulShoe’s Bumblebee Billboard Hits Challenge

You must choose 3 years (HARD MODE 5 YEARS, EASY MODE 2 years) from 1960-2018

You may “cherry-pick” these by looking through songs and picking years to have songs you would like (see next bullet)...

Or you can make the challenge more difficult by randomizing the songs. (If your fic takes place at a certain year, you may still count it as randomized if you randomize only up through the year of/year before your fic takes place.)

Each year you use, you must include 3 songs (HARD MODE 5 songs, EASY MODE 2 songs) from the Top 100 End of Year Charts (recommended to use the Top 10 Hits from each year, but any song from Top 100 is allowed), and use at least one clip from each as dialogue.

Simply singing (karaoke or just leisure), or ambient music, will not count as successfully using the source song as a song for that year. (Though of course, you may include as much singing or ambient music as you desire--it’s your work! These songs just won’t count for the challenge!)

Singing or playing the song to somebody (as in singing the words to them, or playing the song to them) to purposefully communicate meaning through the words of the song, can count. (Since this is how Bee generally communicates!)

Limitation: Only 1 song per year chosen (HARD MODE max of only 1 song in the completed work, EASY MODE 1 song per chapter if multi-chapter piece) may be used by somebody other than Bumblebee.

(As a disclaimer, I have no affiliation with any music-y or record-y things or websites. However, to be helpful, a quick search did show me to this page, which seems to have each year’s Top 100. I am also working on my own list, which will hopefully be about 5-10 songs from each year that I thought had some value or sounded fun or whatever other reason just prompted me to list it IDK everybody, it’s chaos in this brain!)

List the songs/artists/years at the end of each chapter (or of the work, if it is a one-shot sort of piece).

OFFICIAL VARIANTS:

No1HitStyle: Rather than using 3 songs from 3 years, pick 9 years (or randomize the years) and specifically use the #1 Hit of the year!

(To help you, the Pop, R&B/Blues, and Country “tops” are listed on this wiki page, apparently.)

BeastMode: For those who truly like suffering...complete the “BEAST MODE” of the challenge by using 5 songs from each year.

As in, every year in the challenge (1960-2018)! Not that you’d be disqualified for doing more--like from the start of Billboard Hits in 1940--or anything...but seriously, TheWonderfulShoe does not endorse that degree of suffering JUST THINK OF THE CHILDREN QQ

If you do this...by all means, please tag #beastmode in it! I would really love to see these!

SummerHitsStyle: Take the songs from the Summer Hits lists for the years!

By all means, recommend a variant for me to put up here, or develop extra or variation rules for yourself! Would love to see some!

Happy writing, everyone...I can’t wait to see some of these!! :D

Frequently Asked Questions

Is there a prize for winning this challenge?

Erm, bragging rights? Some idiotTheWonderfulShoe being very impressed with you? But otherwise...well, no. No, there is not.

Why keep the “TWS” you egotistical bas in the name/tag?

When I tried just “BBHC” it was already being used for something popular, or so it claimed. I didn’t want to look or cause tag-confusion awkwardness.

What is wrong wit How did you come up with this craziness, Shoe?

I have long since wonde ...IDK, friend. It just popped into my brain and I couldn’t let it go until I posted it up somewhere.

Aren’t there more questions people ask?

...okay look, it’s still pretty new, but I tried to preempt as many questions as I could, but I was really tired when I put this up.

By all means, feel free to send questions if you have some, and I’ll hopefully update the FAQs if I get asked stuff a lot. (Though I may just respond directly if I can. TBH, IDEK HOW THIS WORKS.)