#I have anxiety I don’t think I can do those stuff myself they are asking too much

[dashingwishes]

I found out my college has been doing a teacher’s assistants certification program.

I really want to join but I already graduated and have those credits I hope they help me out somehow I emailed them obviously it’s Easter weekend and Sunday I have to wait.

[welldrawnfish]

So these last few days has been.. Turbulent. DIFFERENT

I think I may be a System? Infact I KNOW I am a system at this point, but Im also not ready to accept that. Well a part of me isnt, and the other parts of me are like… uh duh of course you are. 

*A system in this context refers to the collective consciousness under the DID / OSDD Umbrella, I dont know the correct terminology in all of this, so im so sorry If i I mess up. I don’t necessarily want to give myself a label, there's .. brain scans and stuff I can get to prove it. And I need those, thats the only way I know this is real. But for now, for my own mental health I am treating it as if it were.. “real “ And I dont really know… what to expect…? I want to find something, ANYTHING, on I guess.. Systems waking up? But I cant find it. So I’ll just do this here Im gonna dump out all our thoughts onto some comic pages and we will figure it out.  I had a bit of an awakening roughly.. 5 days ago, and for the sake of convenience gonna use Plural/System terminology - There are alters, I have met them, the have names and personalities and some of them are really fuckin annoying i just want to punch him in his TEETH

Anyways, since the alter awakening moment, my brain has been in TURMOIL parts of me accept this, parts of me dont, i keep feeling like my face is like shifted 2 inches to the right and everything gets fuzzy in the real world. Not that these alters have names like.. Files are getting sorted  into these proper figures and everything is getting explained and figured out. And its making me feel like I'm not me anymore?

Like I always would argue and barter and fight with my own thoughts, but that's the thing, they wer thoughts, voices in my head with just like, distinct personalities. I just saw it as a different part of me?? Figured that was normal.

But now they are.. stronger ? OR maybe because i'm more aware of them and the personalities I can tell whos out now and like.. Obviously they are happy to get some facetime with the world properly?? But like.. Am *I* just aware of it, aware of them now, aware that it is not just *I* but *We* and so noticing it more, I'm resisting even harder? We feel more fractured than ever.

I have a good friend helping me out, another system, I owe them everything, maybe my life. (PLEASE FOLLOW @transpanda-1 BTW THEY DESERVE IT) They had a few amazing tips, but I cant keep bugging them about every anxiety on my mind thats not fair, so I’ll ask the whole community.

I guess what I want to know is.. Like is this normal? Do all systems go through this? What should I expect in the future and how do I make this more streamlined and stop.. Fighting it? I guess?

I thought I finally had myself figured out, just be the girl who makes the funny relatable trans comics… it was simple.

[butchcarmy]

Idk if you've written this but can you write about carmy and the reader arguing and he makes her cry? Idk I just feel like thatd be good angst fluff lol

AHH I got carried away as per usual. anyway this is good stuff. wrote a bunch. enjoy!!

word count: 1.3k

tags: traumatized carmy, mentally ill carmy and reader, arguing, language, HURT/COMFORT, ANGST/FLUFF, carmy being a sweetie

Hm…i'm spending a lot of time thinking about the set-up for this. Carmy is a very careful person when it comes to those he’s romantically involved in, but at the same time, he has a hard time controlling his temper when he's in the darkness, as i'll put it. 

here's something awful i think about that i wanna write about. carmy's stressed about work, because of course he is. he's carmy. his head is whirring, spinning with anxiety and self-hatred. i think you're just like him. mentally ill for mentally ill if you will. you're also in a bad mood, and he comes home from The Bear exhausted and keyed up.

“I hate when you push me away like this,” you admit. You've been trying to get him to talk to you since he's been home. Maybe he just needs space, but separation makes you anxious. Especially when he shuts down. 

“I'm sorry that it's so hard for you,” he spits, finally snapping and turning to face you. You've followed him into the dark bedroom, lit only by the harsh moonlight through the window. You flinch. You never quite get used to seeing him like this. 

“I—I just—“ you feel pressure beginning in the back of your eyes. You will it away. “How can I help you if you don’t talk to me?”

“Why do you care so much? Does it make you feel better to take care of someone more fucked up than you?” He snaps, voice raised. His words go down bitter, leaving an awful taste in your mouth. Something in you shatters.

“How could you ask me that?” Your vision’s gone hot and blurry. “I’m your partner. I love you, that’s why I care, you asshole!” You’re stifling sobs. You hate crying in fights like this, but it hurts. You can’t help it.

“Fuck,” Carmy mutters under his breath. He’s gone still in your blurred vision. “Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that—“

“That was so fucked up, Carmy.” You move to sit on the bed, trying to wipe your tears away, but they keep coming. “What’s your problem?”

“You know what my problem is.” His remorse has swept away the anger, leaving him quiet before you. He leans down at your knees, hands on your thighs. “I shouldn’t have said that. Any of that.”

“You shouldn’t have.” Carmy nods quickly, and he raises a hand to your wet cheeks. “Fuckin’ asshole.”

“I know.” He takes your pain, your anger in its entirety. His other hand brings your knuckles to his lips. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.“

“Sure sounded like you meant it.” Anger flares up in your chest, hurt and betrayed, but you tamp it down, leaning into his hand cradling his face. You take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Damnit, Carmy.”

“I know. I know.” He’s still kissing your hand. “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.” You hate it when he talks like this, because you can tell he really believes it.

“Don’t say that. Please.” 

“But it’s true.” You look down at him in the moonlight, at his sad blue eyes. “I always find ways to hurt you. I…”

“That’s what being in a relationship is, Carm.” You pat the space next to you. “Sit with me?”

“I keep having to remind myself of that.” He sinks into the bed next to you. “I’m so sorry for talking about you like that. Like you’re only doing this out of…I don’t know. Obligation.” He drags a hand across his tired face. “You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry. I just, I just think that—that I’m—fuck—“

“Slow down, Carm,” you say quietly. “It’s okay. You don’t need to force it. I’m listening.” He smiles bitterly at you, and you recognize the love in it easily. He takes in a deep breath before continuing. 

“I still have a hard time believing that anyone cares about me. I can’t even believe that you—love me.” You can practically see the shame rolling off of him in waves. “And it makes me scared.”

“Love is scary, isn’t it?” You say softly. He just nods. “It scares me, too. That’s why I kept pestering you when you got home. I…” You blink quickly. You don’t wanna cry again. “It scares me when I don’t know what you’re thinking. Because…I dunno. It just does.”

“Yeah?” You nod. He has this thoughtful expression that he holds for a moment as he stews on your words. “I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry. I think…I think when you kept asking me if I was okay, it…” he sighs, scratches at his temples. “I felt like I was…getting back into a corner. I think.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” You take his hand in yours. “I can see how that must’ve felt really bad.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault that I’m like this. I think—I think it just reminded me of my mom. We would always ask her if she was okay, because she’s fucking crazy, yknow? We didn’t wanna step on her toes. But it turns out we did anyway. And the way I acted just now, I was just like…” He can’t even get the words out. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, voice choked with emotion. “I love you. So much. You know that, right?”

“You tell me everyday. How could I not?” You pull him into a hug, tight and warm, and he instantly wraps his arms around you. “You’re not your mom, Carm. You're nothing like her. Okay?” 

“I don’t wanna be like her,” he whispers. “I don’t wanna be like her.”

“You’re not,” you remind him softly. “And you won’t be.”

Carmy leans back to look at you, but he remains close. His expression is knotted with pain. You run your thumb over his furrowed brow, and it makes his mouth curve upwards in a smile. It’s fleeting, but it was there. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’ll try to open up more. Let you know what I’m thinking.”

Suddenly, you think about when you first started dating Carmy. He was so scared to open up to you emotionally, but with gentle prodding, he fell apart instantly. There was a hunger in him to be known by others, to be seen by you, and it scared him to death. You see that same fear in him now, but you also see how much he’s grown since then. You doubt you would’ve been able to have this conversation at all in the first couple months. 

That makes you happy in a way you’re not quite able to word properly.

“Thank you. But I hope you also know I don’t want to force you. I just wanna help. And…” You measure your words carefully. “I’ll try not to let it freak me out so much. Because if you’re not in the mood to talk, I want you to know that’s okay. Okay?”

“Okay. I’d like that. If I don’t want to talk, I’ll just tell you. Instead of…blowing a fuse.” He laughs dryly. 

“I’d like that too.” You let out an exhale of relief you didn’t realize you were holding. “Wow, Carm. Look at us. Communicating!”

“I know.” That makes him laugh for real this time, and you’re laughing too. “I couldn’t do it without you.”

“I think you could. But I certainly like doing it with you.” His smiles grows wider at that, brimming with affection. 

“Let me make this up to you, baby.” He pulls you in for a kiss, slow and deep. You let out a little noise when his lips meet yours. 

“Make it up to me?” Carmy’s tongue is on your neck now. Oh. “Aren’t you tired? You—you have work tomorrow—?”

“Don’t care.” You fall back onto the bed, and the blankets deflate under you. You stare up at Carmy, his curls hanging by his face. “You’re more important.”

“Well, if you insist…” You giggle, and your giggles get louder when Carmy pulls up your shirt to blow raspberries against your stomach. “Carmy, quit it—oh—!”

He makes it up to you in full and more by keeping his head between your legs for the rest of the night. By the end of it you can't remember what you were mad about in the first place.

[vampsquerade]

CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US HARD DOM KÖNIG WITH A FEMALE READER i just need that big hunk of man meat to dominate me- dies

DOM KÖNIG YES I LIVE FOR DOM KÖNIG SO FUCKING MUCH UGHHHH I WANT HIM TO CRUSH MY HEAD WITH HIS THIGHS AND BICEPS UGHHHAVBAHSHSH THANKS ANON I KINDA WENT WILD WITH IT

(also pls forgive there might be some annoying mistranslations istg i’m learning german i promise also sorry for not answering dms and stuff you’re gonna have to give me a minute cause i’m very prone to anxiety after being off my meds for a bit)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

König x Female!Reader: Royalty’s Cruelty

Trigger Warnings: NSFW, smut, rough sex, dom!könig, sub!reader, spanking, bondage, fingering, orgasm denial, degradation, asphyxiation, aftercare

Wanton and loud cries of pleasure for your beloved military boyfriend fell from your lips each and every time his large, callous hands came into contact with the skin of your ass. “I thought I warned you about what would happen if you teased me while I was on a mission—you know damn well you deserve this kind of punishment.” König scolds venomously, pure malice and sadism dripping as he speaks. “I-I’m sorry!” you cry out as his hand smacks loudly against your skin once more. “Halt deine Hurenmaul! I don’t want to hear you telling me you’re sorry!” He commands. Tears stream down your face pathetically, whimpering in pain as he stops momentarily. “The very knee you’re bent over is the same one I use to kill my enemies—do you want to hear just how exactly it is that I do it?” he says coldly.

“H-Hah…~ What do you do to them with this knee..?” you ask softly, not wanting to further incur his wrath. König’s hand then tightly grips at your flesh with the strength of a hawk’s talons, making your severely sore ass sting even more. A sob emits from you, turning your head slightly so you can look up at him, “I snap their spines and necks on here…I even go so far as to cave their heads in…” He says in a chilling tone, chuckling darkly. His eyes are shrouded with the mists of sadism, relishing in the sight of you pathetically bent over his knee. “Now tell me—just because you’re my cute little liebling, do you think I should offer any semblance of mercy to you? Do you think you really deserve it even after I warned you?”

You hesitate on what to say, swallowing your saliva hard. Your mind is racing as you try and get a hold of yourself as you hear just how evil König’s voice sounded. “Don’t make me impatient, liebling. Your punishment is just starting and you know how much I hate wasting my time.” König warns. Body tensing in anticipation, you just nod, “N-No…not even I deserve your mercy…I willingly put myself into this position…” You whimper softly, yelping loudly once he begins to fondle your flesh. “Good girl—not even my liebling deserves my mercy…” König says. His hand then travels off your ass and to your dripping cunt, gently stroking his hand from your clit down to your core that twitches with each and every movement.

“Mmpf..!~ König…~” you moan softly, not even able to hold yourself back. “I don’t think I gave you permission to speak. Not a single sound is to fall from those whorish lips of yours—you don’t want it to get worse.” König seethes. He then fully pulls your panties down and discards them somewhere across the floor, his gloved fingers then letting go of your ass and continuing to tease your dripping cunt. You bite your lip and smack your hand over your mouth, letting his large gloved fingers continue its work against your clit. “Unless that’s exactly what you want…” König whispers. You can hear the sickeningly malicious chill in his voice before he speaks again, “Want me to show you just how ruthless and unrelenting I can be? Does that thought excite you?”

You hesitate, unsure if you’ve been given permission to speak, so you nod your head sheepishly. Behind his sniper’s hood, you can just see how excited he is about this. You could see the sadistic smile he always gives whenever you misbehave; it’s a pleasantly frightening sight when you get the chance to see it. You practically drip more at the imagination you have, biting your lip harder as you stare up at him. “You do? Mein Gott, you really are a degenerate…to think I'd never imagine seeing someone as sweet and as caring as you to be into this kind of thing…” König breathes, degrading you. His hand then stops what it’s doing, as he brings his fingers up to inspect them. His eyes seemingly squint even more out of pure delight as his sadistic smile only widens.

“But yet here you are—bent over my knee and getting wet at the thought of me absolutely ravaging you…proving me wrong to think you would never be so depraved…” He chuckles, licking his gloves clean, “Such a naughty, naughty girl…” König then pulls his glove off with his sharp teeth after bringing it under his hood. He then spits it out of his mouth, and puts his hand back in between your legs. Now feeling his warm hand right up against you instead of the gloves, it makes you shiver at the sensation of skin touching skin. You try to moan as his middle finger strokes up and down your even wetter cunt, eyes screwing shut to focus on keeping yourself quiet as his finger drags itself up and down. “So wet…You have no idea just how addictive it is to watch you squirm and try to keep yourself quiet.” König purrs.

His middle finger soon dips inside of you and you can’t help but clench around him. Your eyes open wide at the feeling and it just gets harder for you to keep quiet. Agonizingly slow, König begins to pull his finger out before pushing it back into you with enough force to drive you crazy already. Your bottom lip was bleeding from how hard you were biting it, keeping yourself as quiet for as long as you can. You huffed out a puff of air with every other breath each time he teased you, pushing his fingers in a little faster with little effort before slowing back down. The limit was getting closer and closer every single time but right when you were going to reach it you were forcefully pulled away in an aggressive manner. And not even realizing, you had let out a loud whine from your bitten lips behind your mouth.

König stops his fingers after having just added a second one inside of you. The air becomes so thick it’s hard to breathe; either because of that, or because his other hand was gripped tightly around your throat. “Ich habe dich verdammt noch mal gewarnt – jetzt wirst du unter den Konsequenzen leiden, du dreckiger Degenerierter.” König seethes in a tone you had never heard before. Suddenly, you were lifted up by his right hand’s vice grip around your throat before he lightly let you go once you were safely over the mattress. “You had better appreciate me not downright slamming you onto the bed. That’s going to be the only time I’m nice to you tonight—I’ll fuck you until the only thing that’s on your mind is your broken obedience.” König seethes.

The towering man then climbs over you and rips off your bra before pulling you up by the nape of your neck. “Do you really want this? Once we do this,” his striking blue eyes hold bolts of lightning within them as he stares you in the eyes, “you can’t go back ever again,” König warns you. Though it doesn’t sound like it, he seems to be offering one last chance to save yourself from the wrath that’s coming. More intrigued at just what is in store, you decide to just open up Pandora’s Box. “I do…” you mumble. König then lets go of your neck and pushes you back down on the mattress. Sitting atop your abdomen, he unbuckles his belt and removes it from the loops in one swift motion.

He’s quiet and focused, gripping both your wrists tight before putting them between the bars of the headboard. König then tightly wraps his belt around them, “No escape for you, little rabbit—you’re all helpless and exposed for the big hunter. Aren’t you excited?” he asks. Feeling a sense of genuine fear, you can’t help but whimper softly. “Oh, don’t be so scared all of a sudden,” König chuckles, getting off of you to undo the button to his pants as well as his zipper, “you asked for this.” He then lifts your legs up and closes them, pushing them up to your chest. “As much as I’d love to fuck those cute thighs, I’ll settle for what you’ve got right,” König says as he pushes in already, making you cry out for him, “here.” he growls as he forces himself inside you.

You expected it to hurt because of how big he is except this time around, the pain makes you moan loudly. “A-Ah!~” you cry out. “You filthy degenerate…just listen to how loud you’re moaning for me already. Do it some more—let me hear you scream for me.” König demands. His large hands grip your calf and thigh on each of your legs tightly as he pulls himself out just so he’s barely inside of you. He doesn’t even look at you when you stare at him with wide eyes and shaking your head no; he’s purely driven by the desire to show you just how ruthless he can be with you if you misbehave. König disregards your silent pleads before pushing back in. “Mmpf!~” You moan, biting your bottom lip hard for a moment before opening your mouth again.

Each harsh thrust from him gets you a loud groan and growl, as he feels you convulse and quiver beneath him. Your eyes roll back slightly as the pain now completely subsides as the way he thrusts his massive cock in and out of you over and over again. “Tell me…how does it feel, little rabbit?” König asks. You try to look at him, but once the tip of his cock starts hitting your cervix you can’t even respond. He then strikes your thigh hard, forcing you to pay attention, “I thought I fucking asked you a question. “How does it feel, little rabbit?’” he seethes. You cry out, eyes rolling back down to look at him, “Feels so good!~ God—König!~ I already feel so close..~” you moan loudly. “Oh do you now?” König asks before laughing maniacally. His thrusts are no longer as fast as they were, much slower and more forceful.

He built you up so high and forced you back down, making you whimper and whine. “I’m not done with you quite yet. Hold it the fuck in.” König says. You whimper and whine even more now, and König appears to be getting annoyed by it. He then leans forward and as punishment, decides to only lightly grind himself against you before then wrapping a tight hand around your throat. You strain to breathe now, his crushing grip once directed to your legs has now focused on your throat. “Moan like this—I want to watch you writhe and squirm before you lose consciousness.” König says as he continues to grind into you. Even like this he manages to be forceful, his tip still rubbing right up against your cervix. This alongside the vice grip he had on your throat, it was just driving you further into the stars, moaning louder and louder despite rapidly losing consciousness.

Your eyes start to flutter shut as a dark vignette begins to surround the corners of your vision. Before you could pass out, König’s hand comes up and shakes you to make you come back. “Keep your eyes open. Breathe for now before I crush your trachea again.” he threatens. You nod, regaining your breath as best you could before he started again. “Güt?” He asks, his hand creeping up to grip your throat against. “Y-Yes…” you mumble softly. “Louder.” he says as he slowly begins to apply pressure. “Yes!” you exclaim much louder. “You’re very obedient—maybe I should let you see my face, ja? Or do you prefer the sniper’s hood while I’m deep inside you, pounding away at you like you mean absolutely nothing to me?” König asks as he starts choking you again.

“K-Keep it on…” You strain as his hand crushes your trachea. “Filthy whore…” König growls as he starts thrusting into you harder and faster than he was before. You wail and cry out on pleasure, being able to slightly breathe a little better as you do since he wasn’t choking you too hard. That previous build up to an orgasm was coming dangerously close, as you stared pathetically into König’s sharp blue eyes pierced into your own. Behind the sniper’s hood, his jaw was clenched tight as he growled deep within his chest and throat. His breathing was heavy, focused on just finally pushing you over the edge. “Want to cum, little rabbit?” He asks, unrelenting with his thrusts. It seems König was already at the edge himself, and wanted to finally get over it with you.

“Y-Yes! Please…please let me cum, König! I-I promise I won’t misbehave or be disobedient ever again!” you moan loudly as König’s grip on your throat becomes tight once again. “Then cum…cum for me…” König growls softly. As if right at his command, you scream his name so loud that it manages to catch him by surprise. His hips stutter as you start to cling to him tightly and he spills himself deep inside with a soft moan of your name. The two of you stay like this, catching your breath as your bodies seemingly melt into each other now. “Fuck…are you okay..? Did I hurt you too badly? I’m so sorry if I went overboard today…” König apologizes, breaking the silence. Seeing his demeanor change completely like this, it just filled your heart with a warmth you’d always held for him.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be really sore tomorrow…” you say softly, laughing breathlessly. König’s hands begin to gently caress your legs as he pressed gentle kisses against your calves. He pulls himself out of you slowly, sighing contentedly once he watches a bit of his semen drip out of you. “You did really good today…I’m so proud of you for holding it together…I’m still really sorry if it hurt…do you need water? A massage? I’ll give you anything to make sure the slaps and spanks I gave you earlier…would ice also help?” König suggests, praising you for how well you did. “Maybe a nice shower with my big boyfriend would be much more helpful…I feel so sticky.” you day, laughing softly. “And don’t be worried about hurting me too hard—if it was too much for me, I would’ve used our safe word. You did fine, alright? Don’t feel guilty about it. I love you, and I trust you, König.” You reassure, giving him a pleasant smile.

König nods before then removing his sniper’s hood, tossing it somewhere in your shared room. He puts your legs down to properly kiss you, his hand that once held a crushing grip on your neck now gently and lovingly strokes your cheek. You kiss him back, smiling softly as you bring your own hand up to caress his as he gently holds onto your face. After a bit, he pulls away and peppers your jaw, face, and neck in little kisses. “Ich liebe dich, kleines Kaninchen…” he whispers softly against the crook of your neck. “I love you too…now let’s go take a shower. We can come back and cuddle for as long as we need to,” you say, tilting your head downwards to kiss the top of his head. “O-Okay…I’ll carry you and make sure to hold you up, I don’t want to risk you falling over and getting hurt.” König says, giving you a soft smile.

[doumadono]

Hi Luvs!! This is an emergency request and I would like to ask can you do Bakugou x Gn! Reader where Bakugou comfort Reader who has low confidence and insecure??I'm requesting this cuz lately I've been having no confidence especially in my body and I always find something that makes me insecure like how broad my shoulders are and stuffs. I hope this isn't alot to ask♡♡

A boy who believed - Bakugo x gn!Reader

A/N: remember, your body is unique and beautiful just as it is. Everyone has features that make them feel insecure, but those same features are what make us unique and special

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST - PART 2

The day had been relentlessly harsh, and as you sat in your dorm room at U.A. High School, the weight of your insecurities felt almost unbearable. You couldn’t escape the whirlwind of self-doubt that spiraled around your mind, attacking every aspect of your appearance and worth. The mirror seemed to taunt you, reflecting back the things you hated about yourself - your appearance, your perceived flaws, every detail that made you feel less than. "Why can't I just be confident?" you muttered to yourself, frustration and sadness mingling in your voice.

A sharp knock on your door snapped you out of your spiraling thoughts. You wiped away a stray tear and called out, "Come in."

Bakugo entered. his sharp eyes immediately took in your distressed state. "Oi, what’s going on with you? You've been acting off all goddamn day."

You tried to shrug it off, but Bakugo's piercing gaze made it hard. Too hard. "It's nothing, Katsuki. Just… having one of those days."

He didn't buy it for a second. Instead, he sat down beside you on your bed. "Cut the crap. I know something’s up. Tell me."

Taking a shaky breath, you looked down at your hands. "I just… I don’t feel good about myself. I hate how I look, I hate my broad shoulders, body, everything. I feel so insecure."

Bakugo's eyes softened as he reached out and gently tilted your chin up so you were looking at him. "Listen to me, and you listen good, nerd. You're amazing just the way you are. You think I give a damn about how broad your shoulders are? Hell no. You're strong, you're capable, and you're perfect to me, just the way you are."

A tear slipped down your cheek, and Bakugo wiped it away with a tenderness that contrasted with his usual grumpy nature. "But it's hard not to compare myself to others. I just don’t feel like I measure up."

He sighed deeply, then pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around you protectively. "Screw what others think. You’re not here to measure up to anyone else. You’re here to be you, and that’s more than enough. I see you, all of you, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing."

You clung to him, feeling the tears flow freely now, a mixture of relief and lingering sadness. "But what if I can’t stop feeling this way?"

Katsuki pulled back slightly, just enough to look into your eyes, his expression fierce with determination. "Then I’ll be here every damn day to remind you how incredible you are. You’re strong, and not just physically. You’ve got a heart that cares so much, and that’s something to be proud of."

You sniffled, a small smile breaking through your tears. "Thanks, Katsuki. I really needed to hear that."

After some time, Bakugo insisted on dragging you to the common area where some of the other students were hanging out. "C'mon, we're not gonna sit in that room all night. Let's go."

You hesitated but followed him, his hand firmly holding yours. As you entered the common room, you felt a wave of anxiety wash over you. It was hard to maintain your composure.

But Bakugou squeezed your hand reassuringly and leaned in to whisper, "Remember what I said. You’re amazing just as you are."

The rest of the evening was spent surrounded by friends, laughter, and a sense of belonging. For the first time in a long while, you felt a flicker of confidence begin to take root, nurtured by the warmth and strength of the boy who believed in you more than you have ever believed in yourself.

[luveline]

how do u deal with adult loneliness? i’m 22, i live at home but my family’s never been close to do stuff or hang out and work is just not an environment i can be close to people in and all my friends work or live together so i don’t ever get to spend time with them like they do each other so i always feel out of the loop. i come home and just hang out by myself and it’s been making me so sad recently. (i’m so sorry for venting in ur asks but u seem very wise.)

I am so sorry I wrote a massive answer to this and it just didn’t save but most of it wasn’t helpful anyways so let’s do round two of the better points

it’s totally okay to vent if you want, I can’t always answer but I try to when I can cos I know how it feels to really want to tell someone something and feel like you have no one to tell! I am also a very lonely adult, but I used to be even lonelier, and here are the things I do to cope with being lonely and to improve how often I feel lonely

I think we must first poke the relationship between poor self-esteem and loneliness, I hope you love yourself dearly but if you don’t it does tend to make you feel lonelier, so if that’s one of the reasons here is my case as to why you should like yourself more : you said you come home and hang out with yourself and that makes you sad but I actually loved how you phrased it, you’re hanging out with you. Not only are you unique and special and interesting, but you do have the ability to be your own company (though I won’t suggest it’s easy to just suddenly feel content by yourself OR that this will erase the need for connection with others). But I do think that anyone who knows you is experiencing a great privilege and that you should feel that way about yourself, you are amazing, you can do amazing things. my scenario was when you’re with Friend A, you’re not lonely because Friend A is amazing and good company. When Friend A goes home she feels lonely too, but why? Wasn’t she amazing to be around? I think if you can put some weight on the pleasure of being yourself even if that’s like. Even if it’s just that when you’re alone you don’t have to worry about being judged, and you give yourself leniency or something, does that make sense?

My next point is that to cope with loneliness I started writing about wish fulfilment stuff, fics where someone appreciated me, loved me, saw my struggles, and I read those so much. When I first started writing, a thousand words probably took me a week, and I would just constantly reread the things I wrote because they always made me feel less alone, even the process of writing now years later makes me feel less alone. If I couldn’t write I’m sure I’d constantly feel alone because I don’t have many friends either and I don’t see them much!! I feel so out of the loop with everything that I realised I actually can’t deal with social media and the feelings they give me and I deleted them all over again a few weeks ago (besides of course this and one other evil app). It’s actually my big recommendation to everyone ever to get off of social media if you can but I totally understand that it’s not easy and can make it worse rather than better. My point here before is that having a hobby and something to work on and to be with yourself instead of by yourself is a great way to deal.

Other ways I coped with loneliness were jigsaw puzzles (so many), rewatching the same TV shows, movies, reading A LOT, daydreaming, learning how to make friendship bracelets, nature documentaries (especially good to see how huge the world is)

If being alone is upsetting you and you can’t cope, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You’re very important, and the way you feel is important to. You don’t have to suffer through any bad feelings even loneliness which may feel incurable alone. In the UK there are lots of free resources (many terrible) but ones I would actually recommend are the Samaritan email service and the SHOUT crisis text line for stress anxiety and depression. Both are busy services which can make the loneliness more exasperating but they can help when you’re feeling awful. I’m really sorry you’re feeling lonely right now because it’s an awful feeling that genuinely goes to the bone, and I hope you feel less alone soon!! I’m sorry if this has assumed anything wrong about you but just based off of how I experienced my worst loneliness and what I did to feel better I hope my advice can help you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[rampantram]

I've been saving this but I can't take it anymore... your art is super cool!! I love the drawing style you have, especially the lines and expressions. Also the dynamic poses and interactions between characters, everything looks so cute but at the same time exciting to keep watching!! I would read a whole manga with your art in it :3

Curious question: what size are your drawings normally? I see that you draw in pencil and many times there is more than one drawing on a single canvas/sheet so I am curious to know approximately the size of your drawings

I hope you don’t mind me using your ask to say this, but…you guys have no idea how much your kindness and positivity has affected me since I started posting my CotL stuff.

I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid, and depression for almost a decade now, and most recently been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I’ve had the most lows in my life over the past few years, and my consistency and drive to draw has suffered for it; at most, I’ve posted every other week, but mostly once every couple of months, and even longer than that until now. Being on medication has affected my motivation to draw, and I’ve been on short-term disability for over a month now, trying out new medications and feeling mostly miserable from the side effects.

Despite all that, I’ve wanted truly to finally be consistent with art, interact with people, try new things, and it’s helped so much to have so many people loving the things I’ve come up with. I haven’t been as consistent this last week, and spotty some weeks before that, but you’ve all been so patient despite that, which is part of the reason I want to give you some transparency and vulnerability on my part.

So I apologize if things continue to be a little less than organized or consistent, but I’m going to keep trying my best everyday, because I want to keep bringing you things you enjoy and want to interact with, so…thank you. 🥹

But getting to your question before I really start to tear up…this 9x12 sketchbook by Strathmore (specifically the recycled paper) is what I’ve been using for my sketches for a long while:

And it typically depends on how big or small I think each of the drawings should be, but I do try to keep them on one page if I can just for organizations’s sake.

Also if I know I need to post it from my phone, I try to make things easier for myself by putting things within proximity of each other with my phone’s camera in mind (not the whole page because it’ll be blurry, up and down since that’s easier for me to take a shot with, and so on).

If I’m gonna scan it, that makes things a bit easier, but I do try to condense them enough so I can try and avoid doing two scans of the same page and having to stitch them together (this one below just ended up taking the whole page, and since most scanners - my roommate’s included - usually only scan Letter or A4 size areas, those I end up having to scan on multiple parts and edit them together in Clip Studio Paint).

But of course, it all comes down to what feels right or works with your own method the best (as long as you achieve the outcome you wanted, the tools and method to get there don’t necessarily have to be the “best” or “right” way to do it).

I hope this helps, though, and that you have a brilliant day~✨

[gonzo-rella]

Not A Girl, Or Anything, Really | Phoebe Spengler

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Pride Month 2024 #3

Relationship(s): nonbinary!Phoebe Spengler x nonbinary!reader (platonic)

Summary: In the midst of a gender crisis, Phoebe confides in you.

Warnings: Coming out scene. (Let me know if I need to add any)

Word count: 0.4k

(A/N: I love the idea of Phoebe being nonbinary, and I love the idea of being an older sibling figure to her, so I thought I'd combine those two things in a short fic. I want to write some more Ghostbusters fics with a nonbinary reader (I can see myself writing a Ray Stantz x enby!reader fic at some point), so let me know if you'd be interested in that. If you're reading this during June, I'm taking Pride Month requests, where I'll be writing for queer readers. I'm trying to post every day, or on most days, but I don't have enough ideas to fill up the whole month, so give me some ideas, pretty please. I've written and plan to write a lot of nonbinary!reader stuff because I'm self-indulgent like that and there's not enough fics out there for enby!readers, but I'll happily write for readers with other queer identities! (By the way, I write for the queers year-round, but I'm focusing on specifically queer!reader fics this month).)

You could tell that whatever Phoebe wanted, or needed, to say wouldn’t leave her lips easily. She looked at you uncertainly, her gaze flickering between your eyes and the floor.

“You’re nonbinary,” she began hesitantly.

Nodding, you smiled at her to ease her visible anxiety.

“Correct. Go on.”

She rubbed her arms in an effort to ease her nerves. Then, she managed to look you dead in the eye.

“Do you think I could be nonbinary, too?”

You chuckled.

“That’s not for me to decide, Pheebs,” you said, voice warm. “Do you think you could be nonbinary?”

She shrugged.

“Maybe. I don’t know,” she replied. Though, to you, it came out like she had at least an inkling but lacked the confidence to admit it. “How… how did you know?”

“I thought about how I felt. What made me uncomfortable, what made me comfortable, how did I see myself, how did I want other people to see me,” you explained. “So, how do you feel?”

Phoebe glanced away as she contemplated your question. She looked self-conscious, in the kind of way that anyone exposing their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings naturally would.

“Well, I’ve never really cared about what people saw me as,” she said. “Being a girl, or being seen as one, doesn’t matter much to me. It’s never really bothered me that that’s how people see me, either. I don’t mind being called ‘she’, or my mom’s ‘daughter’, or Trevor’s ‘sister’. But, when I think about it, I don’t see myself as a girl, or anything, really. I guess it’d be nice if other people saw me that way, too. But, I don’t see the point in telling anyone if it doesn’t make me uncomfortable when people see me as a girl.”

She stared at you, as if waiting for an answer.

“I still can’t tell you what you are,” you insisted, with a gentle laugh. “You need to trust yourself to figure this out. And, it’s okay if you don’t figure it out, too.”

She seemed dissatisfied with what you had to say, so you felt obliged to offer her something. With a huff, you continued.

“But- and I’m still not telling you what you are- you don’t have to feel uncomfortable with being a girl to be nonbinary. And, I know how easy it is to convince yourself that asking people to respect who you are means you’re being difficult or something. But, anyone who’s worth being in your life will respect who you are, without treating it like an inconvenience.”

You watched as she took in your words. She locked eyes with you once again.

“I’m nonbinary.”

You grinned.

“Welcome to the club, Pheebs.”

Phoebe smiled. She paused before speaking again.

“Can you say that you’re nonbinary?” 

You knitted your brows.

“Uh, I’m nonbinary?”

“Hi, nonbinary. I’m Phoebe.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“I should’ve seen that one coming.”

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Therapeutic. Jeff x Reader. CW: Hurt/comfort, depression, anxiety, personal comfort fic that's relatable enough to post, talk of struggles and life being fucking shit, left mostly vague intentionally, Jeff trying to be a good boyfriend.

“It’s been hard on you, hasn’t it?” His words catch you off guard, jolting as he plops down next to you on the old couch in the basement. 

You avert his eyes, choosing to stare at the pictures decorating the walls instead, forcing a smile onto your face and a laugh out of your chest. 

“I’m fine, Jeff, you know that. I can handle myself.” Your words do little to convince him, and his gaze pierces through you, causing you to shift anxiously. 

“How many nights have you helped me when I’m broken down? When I keep insisting I can keep going, that I’m fine? How many of my fake smiles have you seen through that nobody else has noticed?” His voice is calming, and he leans back onto the couch, resting his arm on top of it as a silent invitation in case you need to move closer to him for comfort.

“That’s different…” You whisper as you wrap your arms around yourself, and he watches you in concern, just barely resisting the urge to pull you closer.

“Because you think your problems aren’t as bad as mine?” You remain silent at his question, and he breathes a sigh as his gaze turns to worry. 

“Pain isn’t felt equally, sweetheart… You know that. You know that everyone experiences things differently, and you shouldn’t compare your own stressors to mine.” There’s no condescension in his voice, and it coaxes you to relax into the arm of the couch, facing away from him. He hears you sniffle, and his face scrunches up, trying to hold himself together for you. 

“…But you… You’ve been through so much…! All of you have! And I just… I haven’t experienced those things, nothing even remotely close to it, and yet I…” You pause, and he remains silent, encouraging you to continue. “I can’t even handle this. I feel so fucking weak. You’ve all survived literal hell, and I can’t even handle much more normal struggles without falling apart. It’s not fair… I shouldn’t be struggling like this when you have all been through much worse.” 

“Sweetheart…” His voice betrays the calmness of his face, the pain in his voice causing you to shake as your tears touch your cheeks. “What did I tell you…? It’s not fair for anyone if you compare yourself to me, or anyone else. You’re right, we’ve all lived through hell, and sometimes it still feels like we’re there... But we’re the outliers. It’s normal to struggle, to feel depressed and anxious. Shit, a majority of us are depressed all the fucking time. That doesn’t mean you need to be brave and strong for us. I mean, we aren’t very strong either. We cry over what you consider mundane shit all the time, the same stuff that’s getting to you. Humans aren’t meant to deal with constant struggles and sadness.”

You continue to shake, trying to hold in your cries, and he shifts closer to you on the couch, your body sagging backward, begging you to get comfort from him, but your brain continues to tell you that you don’t deserve it, you haven’t earned it. 

“Please stop bullying yourself… It hurts me to see you this way. Everyone would feel better if you just admitted when things were hard, if you just came forward and asked for help, for comfort. I’d feel better. It’s not fair for you to struggle in silence because you think you’re too weak.”

You go to retort back to him that you’re saving them the extra work, but all that comes out are choked cries you’ve been holding in for weeks.

“Let me help you. Let me be your support, your shoulder to cry on. You’ve helped me through so much fucking shit, and I want more than anything to do the same for you.” He scoots a little bit closer again, and you break, turning around and crawling into his hold.

He cradles you into him, an arm around your back and his hand rubbing the back of your head as you weep into his chest. He occasionally presses kisses to your forehead that draw more sobs out of you as you cling to him. 

“Just let it out, sweetheart. Give all your pain to me.” He whispers into you, and you let out a loud sob you hope the others don’t hear upstairs.

“It just… IT SUCKS!! Life fucking SUCKS and I’m just— just supposed to know how to handle all this shit?!” You scream out, holding him as if he’s your only lifeline, and he nods along with you. “If it’s not one thing it’s another, and I’m in charge of myself, but I have to maintain connections to everyone around me, and I have to eat, and sleep, and work, and survive, and then something shitty happens and destroys me, so I don’t eat, and I don’t sleep, and I just wanna cry, but I can’t because I have to work and survive…! It’s just a fucking cycle of nothing but shit! It’s exhausting, and I fucking hate it!” You’re heaving and crying, and he continues to stroke your head comfortingly as he sighs.

“I hate it too, and it is shit. It’s unfair and absolutely ridiculous. But, it brought me to you, and you to me. It brings you home to me, where you can lay in bed with me, in those comfy pajamas you were so excited to get, to a freezer full of yummy ice cream, to a stereo to blast your favorite music on. Sometimes we get so caught up in all the shit that we forget all the good, and that takes us to dark places. Places that give us scars, and pain, and tears, and bitterness.” His hold tightens around you as you feel his tears running into your hair from where his cheek is squished against you. 

“Life brought me bad luck, shitty days, and more issues than anyone would ever want… But it also brought me you. It brought me you so you could remind me of the good, and so I could do the same for you. That’s what’s important.” Both of you continue to hold each other, your tears lessening as you lay there quietly, the ambiance of everyone moving around upstairs bringing a level of comfort to you that you haven’t felt in weeks. 

“Can we go upstairs, and take a warm shower..? I’ll get out your pajamas for you, grab that ice cream, and boot up the stereo. We could talk about it… Or we could just blast some music and sit in each other’s comfort?” He asks you softly, and you nod against him, moving further into his embrace. 

“Good.” He presses another kiss to your forehead and tightens his hold in one final embrace, your name softly flowing out of him. “Promise me something?” You look up at him, eyes red and face irritated, and nod.

“If you’re wading through shit, let me wade through it with you. Please, don’t hold things in anymore. Promise me?” He holds out his pinky delicately for you, and after scrunching up your face once more, you make a distressed noise of agreement, locking your pinky securely around his own.

“Good pet.” He coos at you affectionately, pressing soft kisses across your nose and cheeks before lifting you into his arms to carry you upstairs. 

You’d always thought it a burden to share your pain with others, thought it an inconvenience to them, thought it wrong… But now, held in his warm embrace with the promise of ice cream and cuddles soon to happen, it didn’t feel so bad at all, even if the weight was still in your heart… It felt more tolerable now. Jeff would continue to make you feel that way, make you understand it was okay to rely on him, on others, and that it benefited no one to suffer in silence, no matter how light or heavy the issue life dealt you.

Life fucking sucks, but it can choke on its misery. 

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

That's what he said!

I was thinking about what my Tav would have said to Astarion after the Halsin proposition. I was sad to know we didn't have the option to tell Astarion we told him no. I feel like that would have been a great trust bonding moment for them. So i wrote it. Or, I attempted..im not an expert writer.

“You wouldn’t believe the conversation I just had with Halsin.” She says to him in a gossiping tone.  

Astarion laughs loud and openly.

“I was wondering when you were going to ask me about this.”

“Did he talk to you about it?” she asks, slightly confused by his reaction.

“I guessed. The man can’t stay quiet about “enjoying the freedom of natures gifts”. Ha ha, I bet he outlaw clothing if he could.”

His pantomime of Halsin calms her nerves.

“Funny you would say that. He did mention something along those lines.”  

An awkward pause hangs in the air.

“Well? Don’t keep me in suspense darling. What was said exactly?”

“Well, He uh,  said that I stirred his heart and he wants more than to just sit by the fire with me.”

The heat was creeping up in her face. It was one thing to have heard it from Halsin, but to repeat it to Astarion had her embarrassed.

He smiles at her.

 “I can’t say I blame him. You are quite unique and alluring, darling. And he’s been eyeing you since the grove if you haven’t noticed.”

She had not. She was so wrapped up in helping everyone with their own plights she didn’t even consider it.   

“So? What was the outcome of this conversation?” He asks, quickly looking at his nails to distract from the anxiety that flashed across his eyes.

She sees it. Her heart hurts with the idea he thinks she might have agreed. He knows me better than that, doesn’t he?

Desperate to erase that look she reaches for her default disarming tool. Humor.

“I told him to stuff it.” she says, crossing her arms and throwing her nose in the air in a haughty manner.

Astarion’s eyes shift to her as he lifts a brow at her sudden change of attitude.

 She smiles wide, nudging him with her elbow. “Get it?! Stuff It. You know, because he’s a bear.”

Astarion rolls his eyes dramatically but smiles despite his attempt to seem annoyed.

“But then...” she says, bringing her index finger to her lips as if deep in thought. “Maybe he thought I wanted him to stuff me…oh no.”

Astarion huffs before leaning in and issuing a warning.

“Best to stay clear of the woods for a bit then.”

Aloria laughs. Pleased to see the anxiety leave his gaze.

“You know I would never do that to you, right?” she asks quietly, throwing every ounce of care into her eyes for him to see.

“If that’s something you want to explore we can. But I’m not making decisions like that without knowing your heart better.”

His face softens at her words for a moment, before darting his eyes past her to check to see if anybody is watching.  

“I know. I was being foolish. But thank you for saying it.”

These types of moments are difficult for him. He loves the adoration she lavishes on him but does not like to share it beyond their own private world. She notices his discomfort and redirects the conversation back to playful banter.  

“I mean, not after all the hard work you put into scent marking me.” she says, closing the distance between them, walking her fingers up his chest and gently tapping the end of his nose.  

His nose scrunches in response.

“What?”

“Halsin said your scent lingers on my skin. He says I smell like you.” She rests her chin on his chest. Her eyes hold his lovingly. 

“I….well..you do tend to steal my shirt to sleep in. It’s hardly my fault.”

Aloria runs the backs of her hands lightly over the fabric of his vest. “Do you know what you smell like?”  

He stares down at her, confused about the odd choice of topic.  “Of course I am aware of what I smell like. I make it myself.”

“No, not your perfume, just you.”  

Astarion’s face scrunches again. “Undead, obviously. What are you getting at?”

Aloria grabs him by the lapels. Quickly lifting on her toes and pulling him forward to bury her nose in his neck and takes an obnoxiously loud snuff of his skin.

Astarion barks out a clipped giggle before clearing his throat and feigning annoyance.

“What are you doing?”

She hums against his throat. “Mmmmm danger, and sweetness and ..wait ..is that a hint of arrogance? Or is that sarcasm?”.

She makes a show of snuffing him again. “Ooo, I think that is definitely sarcasm. Spicy!”

Astarion begins to playfully push her away, but not before she quickly presses her lips close to his ear. Whispering this time so no one nearby can catch what she says.

“You smell like the air after it rains on parched ground. Like the deep earth of a root cellar. Like ancient undiscovered places. Quiet and metallic.  I like it. I like it very much.” Driving the message home by gently running the end of her nose along the edge of his ear.

Astarion’s shoulders drop as he turns his head to catch her eyes as she pulls away. The seriousness of her confession understood under the guise of playfulness. These moments were theirs and theirs alone.

She smiles wide, then smashes her lips against his cheek, kissing him with an audible smack.

He tuts, resuming to push her away and wave her off with a flourish of his hands.

She begins to walk away, but turns, jutting her hip out and running her hand dramatically over her ass and biting her lower lip at him.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, darling.” He says salaciously.

She laughs and walks away to check on the other companions for the night.  

“Hey, what’s burning?!” she shouts loudly watching as Gale scrambles to check the pot that is in fact, not burning.

[thetriplets3]

I'm sorry if I confused you! I read the response wrong haha. Can I please request a fic, I know you like Matt more and I don't care if you do Matt or Chris

but one where Matt holds readers hand for the first time and it's all sweaty, but cute?

Thanks! 👙

sorry i’m just answering this now. this is my attempt at a blurb. a long blurb. also as i finished writing this i realized i didn't really do the request exactly sorry

❝𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝❞

the boys had invited me to go to the flea market with since i haven’t been able to go the past few times. i can’t help the feeling of anxiety that washes over me as i get ready. will it be busy? what if i get separated from the boys and can’t find them? i’m from a small town i’m not used to stuff like this what if i stick out like a sore thumb and everyone can tell i don’t belong here? i shake my hands out before walking into their house, announcing myself to let them know i’m here so we can leave right away as planned.

i’m first greeted by matt who’s sitting on the couch patiently ready for his brothers to hurry up. a wide smile graces his face as he stands up and makes his way to pull me into one of his comforting hugs.

“everything okay?” he quietly asks as his head rests atop mine, concern lacing his voice.

all i can manage to say back is a small “mhm i’m good” with a smile in attempt to cover up my nerves. he pulls away from the hug still holding me at arms length looking in my eyes for any uncertainty and anxiety.

“it’ll be a good day i’m glad you’re finally able to come with us. i knew the first time we went that you’d love some of the stuff they have” he says with a smile before turning towards the stairs to yell at his brothers to get downstairs. waiting for them to come down my eyes look anywhere but at matt and i fidget with my finger twisting the bottom of it around realizing i forgot to put my rings on.

nick and chris come barreling towards me embracing me in a quick hug before we head to the car.

“are you looking for anything in particular?” chris turns to ask once he gets situated in his seat.

“no just whatever catches my eye” i softly reply.

as we drove around in circles trying to find an empty parking spot i could feel my breathing slightly pick up seeing how many cars there were. my eyes meet matt’s in the rear view mirror. i watch as his brows furrow ever so subtly not wanting to draw attention to our silent conversation of him scanning my face and wordlessly asking if i’m okay. i send him a small nod and a closed lip smile letting him know i’m fine. or at least that’s what i’m trying to convince him and myself. we all get out of the car and head towards where the booths are. i’m a few steps behind the boys trying to collect myself and my thoughts as i shake my hands out and let out a deep breath. i’m interrupted from my thoughts as i feel a warm hand in mine that’s quickly replaced by a cold feeling and fingers linking mine making my eyes snap up.

“just so ya know kid, the darting, wide eyes, the chewing on your upper lip, the hand shaking, heavy sighs, the antsy shifting, and fidgeting with your fingers doesn’t say ‘i’m good’” he says just loud enough for me to hear in a joking manner with an undertone of concern.

seeing the tears build in my eyes he squeezes my hand letting me know he’s here to listen. “i was so excited to come here but i just couldn’t help but think and worry about stupid thoughts and i let those thoughts get to me and then seeing how busy it is just made it worse. i just feel silly letting my thoughts get the best of me and ruin the things i look forward to you know?” my voice shakes.

“hey hey it’s okay deep breaths. you should have said something earlier i would have been able to help you. if you feel like it’s too much we can leave, or we can go look around and if at any point you wanna go we can, or you and i can just sit in the car and listen to music while nick and chris look around” he always knows what to say.

“do you mind if we sit in the car? ” i quietly ask, feeling guilty for ruining the plans.

“not at all because i get to spend time with you and that sounds even better than being around anyone else”

he sends nick a quick text telling him i don't feel good and that we're just gonna hang out in the car but tells them to take their time (wanting to spend more time with just you). getting yourselves settled in the car i lean my seat back so i can lie down knowing that'll make me feel better not having to see everything and everyone around me. matt follows my actions, turning his body to face mine with a big closed lip smile on his face. he pulls out his phone and scrolls looking for a specific playlist. my brows furrow briefly before turning soft as i hear my favorite song start playing. this isn't matt's taste in music and not a song i've ever heard on one of his playlists before. he must have been able to sense my confusion.

"i- uh i made a playlist with your favorite songs because i know you find them comforting and i thought it'd help calm you down when you're feeling anxious and i like listening to them, they remind me of you" he says not letting you see the name he gave the playlist.

my heart melts at his admission. i didn't think he remembered something so small, i mean he knows my favorite artists but i didn't know he paid attention to the specific songs that were my favorite, let alone care enough to make a playlist to help me. such a sweet gesture that makes my heart flutter. i reach my hand out resting it on the center console, taking the hint he intertwines his fingers with mine giving them a subtle squeeze.

"thank you. for everything. i didn't think anyone paid attention to the things i say especially something so insignificant. i don't remember what i say half the time because it's usually nothing important" i say barely above a whisper.

"everything you say is important and significant to me. you're important to me and i see the way your eyes light up when you talk about things you love, of course i'm gonna pay attention and remember. seeing you happy is important to me" his volume matching mine. "i love you always have and always will, you're important to me"

i caught the way his pupils grew as they sparkled more than they usually do when he says i love you. he meant it differently this time.

"i love you matt" i confess, returning the sparkle. our eye contact is full of love and every unsaid emotion. his hand squeezes mine as he brings it to his lips.

"close your eyes and rest we might be waiting a while for them".

and we did just that with our hands intertwined and our feelings for each other out in the open.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @abbie13sworld @strniolo @luvsturniolo

[authenticcadence18]

recently got an ask concerning art, instead of answering directly I wanted to talk a bit about my own journey as an artist!!!

I’ve been drawing on and off for more or less my whole life. But my artistic journey REALLY kicked off when I was 11 and caught the end of Across the Second Dimension on TV. Within like, four days of this happening, I drew Isabella over 20 times🤣. For the first time there was something I wanted to draw over and over again, I was so inspired! And Isabella is still one of my favorite characters to this day, when I want to draw she’s one of my go-tos.

From there on, I started drawing a lot more. Lots of PnF stuff of course but other things as well. Star vs the forces of evil was also a huge art inspiration for me, my style is likely a blend of those two shows.

I fell out of drawing for a bit, just bc life got busy. But!! in 2020, thanks to a certain world-stopping pandemic, I got back into phineas and ferb and started drawing again, partially as a way to cope and channel anxiety. My growth as an artist just from 2020-2021 is pretty astounding to me!!! And I grew like that primarily by drawing Phineas and Isabella over and over…and over🤣🤣. You CAN draw a ton of stuff to grow but you don’t have to to enjoy art as a hobby. Art isn’t my job, so I only need to learn as much as I need to create the pieces I want. And having that desire to draw certain characters or stories is a great inspiration to grow and expand as an artist!!

Another great catalyst for my growth as an artist was drawing thumbnails for MWCA videos in 2021-2022 (I honestly can’t remember if I drew anything for 2023, I don’t think I did tho). For the first time I didn’t have to come up with an entire idea from scratch, someone was giving me a baseline of what they wanted and I built off of that and responded to feedback. I ended up drawing things and pushing myself creatively in ways I likely never would have otherwise!!!! Like, backgrounds, I rarely draw them for myself but when it’s for a YouTube collab well I had to!! I’m really proud of all my Mwca work, heres just a few examples:

I’m 24 now, I don’t have as much time/energy to draw these days, but when I do I’m able to use those skills I gained from drawing characters I’m passionate about and collaborating with others. My advice to any aspiring artists seeing this post would be to follow your inspiration!!!! Draw the things you love. Draw them over and over. You WILL grow as an artist. You can take inspiration from artists you admire (just don’t trace their work and post it, haha!). I know I’ve done that!! It might take time. It took me, no joke, FOUR YEARS to be able to draw phineas’s head freehand in a way I liked. I just had to keep practicing and practicing till I got where I wanted to be.

I also think working with friends is a great way to grow as an artist! You of course need to be careful with who you interact with, esp if you aren’t an adult, I would not have interacted with the MWCA crew at all if I wasn’t an adult, in fact I didn’t make my tumblr and start finding online friends till I was 19😅😅. Just be mindful if you’re younger, be safe, maybe work with friends from school if you can! I used to do that when I was a teen.

[princess-of-the-corner]

I think what bothers me the most about Marinette’s behaviour, is the way I see myself portrayed in her.

I am on the spectrum for Ausbergers, ADD and anxiety disorders, and I do, or did, many of the things Marinette does. I have abysmal impulse control, and I used to take things without thinking about the consequences of taking the thing. I also had the schedule of every single one of my friends in high school on my calendar, and to this day, every member of my family is on there, even if I don’t particularly talk to or like them. I would buy or bring people things because I saw a thing and thought of them, but I would also hold in thoughts and emotions that were detrimental to me because I thought I couldn’t tell people. Many of the things I see Marinette doing, I either do, or remember doing.

And what annoys and hurts me most is how they are shown as “good” or “harmless” characteristics. 

I got caught shoplifting and had to go through a lot of therapy to stop from just taking things. It was a compulsion I had to fight against, and though I mostly succeeded, sometimes I still feel it. Bringing people stuff became such a compulsion that when I didn’t, I felt like I had failed somehow. To this day, I have difficulty communicating my feelings, even to myself, because it was so ingrained in me to keep them secret and not cause trouble.

Having the schedule for all of my friends was weird. Like, no justifications, I didn’t need to know when Lesley had a dentist appointment, or when Jake was going to visit his grandparents. These are things that did not affect me, I did not need to know or write down. It was, and still is, a coping mechanism that makes me feel more secure, knowing what’s happening to the people around me. Like, they all thought it was weird. They let me do it, but none of us were under the impression it wasn’t weird. But there’s the important bit, THEY ALL KNEW ABOUT IT. I did not, ever, violate their privacy to find out information, I just asked. Heck, sometimes they didn’t even tell me exactly what they were doing! Just “Hey, between 3 and 5pm on Saturday I’m doing something, don’t try to call me then, I’ll be busy”. That was usually enough.

I could keep going, but my point is, I have a lot of compulsions and habits that I have to either fight or work around on a daily basis. Things that I know can be taken out of context and misconstrued if I’m not careful. Things that I could, and was, judged pretty harshly for. And to see a show take those traits and normalize them in such an ugly, toxic way is … honestly really painful.

-

Yeah it’s.

I think it was one thing back in Season 1-4 when these behaviors were portrayed as something over the top that only happens in fiction, especially cartoons. I think it went a little far at times and should have had a little more ‘this is wrong to do (instead of having a fireman help Mari peep into Adrien’s windows), but things like ‘character steals a phone/commits mail crimes/breaks and enters to keep someone else from receiving a message they didn’t intend to send’ is a very common trope and I’m not going to dig into it /that/ much. 

But when Season 5 came and gave us things like Derision where it went from ‘brush it off as cartoony behavior’ to ‘oh no this is stuff we are supposed to take 100% seriously as a trauma response but it’s totally okay because Marinette only had ‘good’ reasons for doing this so that cancels out the fact that it was bad’.

/That/ is when it becomes a problem/

[monachopsis-11]

First Time In Public In A Wheelchair 🦽

Overall it was actually pretty okay, I used my new chair today at the art museum with my family and I was a little uncomfortable with it but nothing over the top. I felt awkward which seems pretty normal and I felt like people were staring but I honestly think that was more in my head than anything. That was a pro of doing this at an art museum instead of the grocery store because I was generally the least interesting thing to look at.

Some things I learned and noticed for anyone else who’s really new to using a wheelchair or considering getting one or going in public for the first time.

1. People apologize more, if someone thought they were even slightly in my way they’d say sorry and move which was weird but idk it wasn’t super upsetting

2. More people talked to me, not about the wheelchair just random small talk. I’m not sure if it was because they were uncomfortable or not but I didn’t love that

3. Pushing in the rain is not fun and if you know it’s going to rain I’d recommend bringing a washcloth to dry your push rims once you get inside so you can move around easily.

4. Pushing on carpet is harder and it hurts my shoulders, definitely not fun

5. It was so much easier than walking as long as it was flat, I could move fast and I enjoyed myself more than I have at something like that in years. I’ll have to see how I feel tomorrow but I think any symptoms that show up will be significantly better than after walking.

Also friendly reminder that just because I’m not too anxious around strangers doesn’t mean anything, using it in front of my family was anxiety inducing and when I got home I made I post on my private Instagram figuring I’d have to tell people eventually. That was a mistake, as much as I wanted to post those pictures doing so without consequences isn’t a reality and as soon as one old friend asked what happened I deleted the post and didn’t answer which I’m now stressing about.

I guess this stuff just looks different for everyone and even though I want to be able to share pictures of myself with or without aids I have to remember that their are consequences to that because other people won’t see it the way I do and I don’t particularly want to explain it to people.

Basically my main takeaways are that if you think a mobility aid would help and are able to get one you should, it can be amazing and really helpful. Also it takes time to be brave and that’s okay.

This post was more for me than anything but if anyone ever is in a similar position I hope it helped!

[copperbadge]

Review: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

I am still trying to log my reading more diligently! And this one is the latest. Now there’s a title that makes it tough to recommend to people without a lot of disclaimers. :D

My psychiatrist is a specialist in medication management, and while he does see patients therapeutically, I’m not one of them; he sees me to prescribe ADHD medication and make sure I’m not having side-effects or misusing it. But of course part of the meeting is just chatting so he can gauge my behavior for himself, and in our last meeting we got onto the topic how I haven’t told my parents about my diagnosis because I don’t think any good can come of it. After explaining my somewhat complex relationship to my mother and stepfather, who I love but who also can be difficult, he recommended Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (subtitle: “How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents”) by Lindsay Gibson. 

It’s kind of a shame the book title is so direct, because I think my mother could actually really use to read it, but if you recommend a book like that to your parents it means you also read it and that...does not send a super great message about how you feel about them. 

I did a lot of highlighting.

Although, in the end, not for the reasons one would think. In part, while I recognized parental behaviors described in the book, I also recognized behaviors in myself. About halfway through, especially when Gibson was writing about how emotionally immature parents generally come from emotionally immature parenting themselves, I had to stop and think, “Oh. Maybe this is also me.” Fortunately I’m not a parent nor likely to become one, but it’s still a bit of a hard truth to see yourself in that kind of thing. I’m not much one to cause drama, at least not intentionally, and I try to be a generally good and emotionally supportive friend, but some of the stuff -- shallow emotional affect, difficulty with empathy and intimacy, anxiety surrounding strong emotion and personal relationships -- landed kind of close to home. 

The problem with self-help books and books like this which are on the edge of the self-help genre is that they tend to be written very structurally. They have a specific way of being, which if you’re already part of the way to the conclusions they’re presenting (or familiar with the scammier ones) can be less helpful. For one, because they are aimed at people who tend to be wounded and confused, they lay out whatever they’re discussing in a very systematized way, and human behavior often defies systems. I was seeing aspects of behavior in my parents and myself here and there, but none of us fit into the categories the book lays out. Most people won’t fit precisely, but being an outlier doesn’t really help. 

And, honestly, the case studies that are meant to resonate tended not to, simply because I looked at them and went “Oh, that person was abused. Those behaviors happened to me, but not at that level, and not in those ways.” I struggled too with the “workbook” aspects, where you’re asked to answer specific questions or make a list of things. One of the questions was “I wish people would just ______” where you fill in the blank, and like...I don’t have wishes like that. I’m still trying to figure out what I would even put there. Not stand in front of bus doorways so often? Stop voting Republican? I suspect that’s not what they’re reaching for.   

And when you get a little distance on stuff like the categories and case studies, what you start to see is a book that, like many books in this vein, could be half the length it is. So much of this book is designed to cause a resonance with the reader and then reinforce and reinforce and reinforce that resonance -- there’s a lot of repetition of theme in order to pull someone emotionally further and further into the book, meanwhile not really presenting new information, just the same information framed within a different anecdote. I don’t condemn that; it’s what you have to do to sell the book, and to sell the ideas within it to some people. Otherwise it’s not super publishable, and I get that. But once you see the manipulation going on it’s hard not to react poorly to it. 

A shorter, more informative book wouldn’t necessarily appeal to people who are pulled into the book via those reinforcements, but I started to do a lot of skimming because I knew I could. In that sense it’s a fast read, but I’m sure I missed some information here and there. 

And the real problem is that the solutions presented for how to deal with emotionally immature parents as an adult are all things I was already doing, which after all the emotional build of earlier was quite disappointing. The reason I’m capable of having a pretty positive relationship with my parents is that I know how to handle them without taking too much psychic damage, enough that it’s worth maintaining a relationship, and apparently that’s as good as it’s going to get. There’s a lot healing from the harm inflicted just in those behaviors, but also for anyone wanting to DIY the rest, there’s not much good advice -- it circles back around to “Go to therapy and heal your childhood wounds” which is fine, I guess, but not a super executable solution for me. It reminded me powerfully of reading a book about autism when I was younger; there was a chapter about resources for family members of people with autism, and within that chapter there was one paragraph about siblings. I can give it to you in a sentence: “Asking your neurotypical child to help their autistic sibling is very character-building and will teach them responsibility.” Sure, but could we not dig for something a little deeper?

So, insightful book, potentially very useful if you do have a fraught relationship with your parents, but unfortunately not terribly helpful to me personally. Still, worth getting out of the library. 

[bugswapau]

Interview Snorpy!

Time to ask the athlete a few questions.

“Have time for an interview?”

Ooh, gonna quiz me, brah? I’m gonna CRUSH your questions!

“Who are you?”

Snorpy Fizzlebean! I skate.

“Skateboarding is a job?”

It's a way of life, dude. And I don’t just skate! I lift every now and again. Anything that needs to go up; logs, buildings, balls, Chandlo — that’s what I do!

“Why come to Snaktooth island?”

To push myself to the max, I gotta go somewhere gnarly. I heard nobody ever comes back from this island... sounds like the ultimate challenge to me!

“That's fine for you, but what about Chandlo?”

Hey, I'm always looking out for Chandlo! I know that roughing it ain’t his thing, but... there’s no way I’d come here without him!

“How did you two become a thing?”

I dunno what you mean, brah. We're like the moon and the sun; we’ve been together since the dawn of time!

“Thoughts on Bugsnax?”

Bugsnax are strong! Like, a primal kinda strong! Like, they’re the kings of these jungles, and I gotta respect that!

“Why did you leave town?”

Dude, Snaxburg was a disaster without Eggabell! I couldn't stop all the fighting with boardin’ OR wisdom... I had to keep things chill for Chandlo’s sake. He's got a buncha that social anxiety.

“Any info on Eggabell?”

Eggabell is top notch, ya feel me? She really inspires me to push it to my limit. But uh, that's about it. I'm more tighter with Lizbert.

“Alright, well, what can you tell me about Lizbert?”

Lizbert’s a sweetie. She was always lookin' out for us. She showed me how to stay safe while still pushin' my limits. But she always forced herself wayyy outta her comfort zone.

“She worked out with you?”

Yeah, she asked me to train her. Surprised the grump outta me cuz I never thought she’d be interested in that kinda stuff. We'd go runnin' every morning and liftin' after lunch. Though, she’d get pretty hard on herself. But she never gave up and I respect that.

“What happened to Lizbert and Eggabell?”

Beats me. Those two were strong together. I can't think of anything that could knock 'em down! They gotta be okay out there somewhere.

“Thanks, Snorpy, you really 'slam dunked' my questions! Eh? Eh? Get it?”

Dude, that's not — just... don't.

Anyway, I was recording Lizbert's progress while we worked out. She shared some pretty personal stuff, so maybe this’ll help you get her back to us.

Don’t let me down, dude!