#I have 0 sleep cues and usually have to smoke myself to sleep once the sun has come up bc I can feel the exhaustion but brain hate sleep

[care666bear]

im so sick of never being tired. I am taking a hot shower eating my rice and melatonin and listening to calming music while I smoke bowls. I will sleep

[obscuraxrp]

The smoke settles to reveal KIM YERIN, also known as NOVA, a 24 year old envy-aligned fae of Sunseong. She is a radio personality who appears to be adept in doubt inducement --- but like most things in Sunseong, there must be more to her than meets the eye.

FACECLAIM: Kim Yerin (Yeri), red velvet

APPEARANCE:

Strange. If one were to look at Yeri’s true form, they would feel uneasy. They might feel eyes, staring into their back, or looking deep into their own irises which might reveal patterns similar to peacock feathers behind their own eyelids. Her form is hidden by a plume of black feathers, a shield to the eyes that lay inside, though the edges of each feather are wispy, like smoke. They might not even realize that Yerin is there, lurking from the shadows. Just the eyes. They watch. If one looks over at the right time, they might see the eyes narrow. What a disgusting view.  

BIOGRAPHY:

In a botched attempt of a ritual that was supposed to keep the relationship of two fae together (though those fae never truly loved each other to begin with), Kim Yerin was born. Her mother was a regretful fae, one with grey streaks in her hair, and wrinkles lining her eyes and mouth despite the various creams and remedies that were passed onto her by her other gossiping fae friends. Her father was a business oriented man who wouldn’t know what love truly meant. Her mother had looked at Yerin with disdain; her only reason for existing was her mother’s desperation to hold onto Yerin’s father’s affection and strip him away from his various lovers. Yeri grew up with her parents - but never together. Simply being in the same room with each other was a terrible situation to be in. Yerin didn’t have to experience it, as she grew older. No: her mother was just as incapable of loving as her father was. She spent a few days with one, a few days with another. The words exchanged were rare, and Yerin grew to busying herself and her time with other things, rather than dear “mom” and dear “dad.” What were they to Yerin, if Yerin was simply a failed reunion to them?

The attention. Yerin had always wanted it. She wanted their approval, for them to praise her and brush her hair away. Maybe they would tell her that she was beautiful, or that she had talent just as the other faes and creatures around her had. Her parents, her teachers, they couldn’t care less. What was Yerin to them. She built her life on being mediocre at best, though nobody remembers anyone who was just “okay” at anything. They remember heros, champions, all of the good that Yerin was not. As a child, when Yerin reached for a hand to grab, there was none. When Yerin asked a question into the household, no answer was delivered. She silenced herself, distanced herself. What more could she be. What was Yerin to them anyways. The Unseelie only cooed and congratulated the brave and talented.  They would throw themselves to the feet of the strongest. Yerin wept. How could I keep myself in the shadows this way? When I’m better. I can be better than them all.

Teaching herself was no big deal. The world was like this. Learning about her own abilities was an awakening that Yerin couldn’t have loved more.

She took the name with pride: Kim Yerin, fae of envy, of the Unseelie court. She tipped her nose up, so that others could feel intimidated. She kept her voice still so that others wouldn’t notice the way her hands trembled. When they turned their backs and became amused with something else, Yerin would crumble all over again. No- she told herself. All of them are useless to me. They’ve all turned their backs to me and they’ll regret it, oh they’ll regret it.

The attention never lasts for long. The validation never lasts for long.

Growing up in a world that was filled with chaos and catastrophe strengthened Yeri and her greed: she wanted more. She wanted to be more. She wanted to be like the people at the top, god were they wealthy, were they strong. They were everything that Yerin wanted to be. She sobbed every night, and looking at her own reflection, only saw a useless, useless fae. Not capable of anything, only capable of crying. So terrible that not even her own parents can look. No one can watch.

Yerin had grown in a world that revolved around the Queen. Her goal, like many others, was to get that approval, to be recognized, to be loved by someone as lovely and graceful, and beautiful and so incredibly powerful as the Queen was. Yerin had been fed the lies, but she ate them up as if she were starving. She breathed in the toxins as if it were going to give her all that life had to offer. Devoting herself and her training to the Queen wasn’t hard at all; it was a necessity. She lied and struggled. Yerin had been young and foolish. She tossed away anyone that she could, if they came to stand in her way. The others in front of her stole it- the spotlight that Yerin reached for, and as she came within a centimeter away from the valor, it was snatched away again.

When Yerin was young and foolish, the Queen had brushed her fingers onto the top of Yerin’s head, and she cried as the attention was given to her. Whispered to the child: What a good tool.

As Yerin tried to climb, she’d push people out of her way. She cheated her way, up further, the youngest are the fastest, the oldest are the wisest, but Yerin was just naive: she took without realizing, and in her greed to become the best asset to the Queen that she could be, she’s stomped on the chests of people who fell beneath her. But it wasn’t enough. Yerin’s heart felt like it halted in her own chest.

Why. Why can’t I be the one that you want.

The decision was never in Yeri’s hands. Work harder. Sleep less. Become the strong fae that you are meant to be. Yerin pushed herself over the limit to try and reach onto the hand of opportunity, but instead was shunned away. Her efforts? Recognized, but not to the extent that Yeri had wanted. The Queen was almighty, the most powerful and beautiful, the most influential being to have existed. Yeri unhealthily fed herself lies as she attempted to climb ranks and get closer, only to be looked down on as if she were a minor inconvenience. What was Yerin to her parents? What was Yerin to the people above?

What was Yerin to her idol, her god. What was Yerin to her Queen.

After the Queen had died, Yeri shielded herself in a haze where being alive was simply a necessity but living was not.

Her palms are red; the memories don’t leave. She’s made mistakes in her life, she followed like a brainwashed soldier- an underling to a Queen who cared about none. Part of her still wishes that the Queen hadn’t died. She scrapped her identity, making a new name for herself, hidden by a mask and behind a microphone. Through late night podcasts and radio shows, she speaks about her troubles and emotions, and feeds off of the remorse and jealousies that listeners phone into the station. It’s strange. Although many know about “Nova” they haven’t seen her face.

CHARACTERIZATION:

-Manipulative: The relationships which Yerin has had with people have been characterized as unhealthy. Too readily, she idolizes others, and becomes a mass of rage once confronted. Her emotions are out of control, but once the fit has ended, Yerin reverts back into lacking emotion at all. Her past lovers have usually weaseled their way out of Yerin’s lives- but not without Yerin learning to hate them. How could they not love her? How could they have betrayed her like that? She must have been useless to them. Yerin belittles herself. She must have been nothing.

-Overthinking: Yerin often makes irrational assumptions. She believes whatever she wants, whether there be any proof or not. Often times, she worries about how others view her, and becomes distant when others try to get near. She tells herself it’s for the best, so that no one would hurt her again. They wouldn’t be able to adore her like how she wants anyways. They’ll just find someone better and leave.

-Prideful: As a defense mechanism, Yerin places herself a step above the people who have hurt her in any way. She assume for them to be lowly and scum, saying so as if she’s any better than them, when in reality, it’s the other way around.  She’s cocky in attitude, quick to deflect any criticism and claim that she’s the best, in order to hide the pain she feels about being so untalented and useless. The insecurities drive her false pride.

+Intuition: Although Yerin may overthink things at times, she also has a very good “gut feeling” and knows when to act upon it.

+Analytical: Yerin likes to think about situations as entirely as she can, when it comes to strangers, because of her large online presence and on-air presence as well.

+Sympathetic: Yerin is still a fae with a tattered kind of heart, and she’s able to connect with many heartbroken callers, as well as help them to get around how they’re feeling. Yerin often chooses songs to play on the radio that’ll help whoever’s calling get a good cry out. She’s not a therapist by any means, but music is one hell of a healer.

SPECIALTIES:

Innate (0 pts)

-Greater Illusion

-Magic Sensing

-Contract Binding

Rank III (80PTS TOTAL)

-Seeds of Doubt: “Positive?” These powers rely on manipulation of a person’s nerves. In rather low grade attempts to alter a person’s confidence in themself, one might think that they didn’t check the front door, or maybe that their keys had fallen out of their pocket. Yerin has used larger scales on her past lovers. Although she can’t control whether a person falls into the mental traps that Yerin sets up, she’s sure to add social cues that are independent of this skill. Under Yerin’s concentration and manipulation, a person could start to second guess themselves or question their own emotions or actions. Restriction: target must be able to hear her, and it must be intentional. Simply asking the phrase without meaning to use this ability won’t plant a seed of doubt.

Success rate: 57%. When the doubt does establishes, it festers in one’s mind without holding back. (obviously will be discussed between rpers before ever being used in rp).

[birdgirliris]

Mun Interview

1) Are you really ready for 111 questions? Bring it. (ELEVENTY-ONE!!) 2) Where are you taking this test at? Test? This is a TEST? I thought it was an interview. Sitting on the sofa while watching one of my murder mystery shows. 3) Was your last real relationship a mistake? I don’t do the whole dating thing so no. 4) Who did you last say “I love you” to? My mom 5) Do you regret it? Nope ^^ 6) Have you ever been depressed? Yep. 7) Are you a boy or girl? Look like a girl but I identify as agender. 8) Do you have a job? Yep 9) What is your relationship status? Single and absolutely not looking. 10) How do you want to die? Very quickly or in my sleep 11) What did you last eat? A granola bar 12) Played any sports? I used to do Tennis, Swimming, Gymnastics all very briefly as a kid. Took Tae-Kwon-Do and got all the way to high red belt before the dojo went under. T_T I also took horse back riding lessons for a year which was absolutely wonderful. Currently getting really into running and training for 5ks. 13) Do you bite your nails? No. I like them long anyway 14) When was your last physical fight? I don’t do physical fights? 15) Do you have an attitude? I can. I can be an atrocious little sass master XD 16) Do you like someone? I am assuming this is a “do you have a crush on someone” question, which I don’t. 17) What is your real name? Anna 18) What is the background of you computer screen? A picture of a bunch of islands from the sky. I love the contrast of the blue and green. 19) Are you gonna get high later? Don’t do drugs 20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? No. I’ve found that hating people is too exhausting. Why focus on someone who is oblivious to your hate and spend energy on trying to take them down? Best revenge is to just learn to move on and self love and keep those people out of your life. Took me ages to get there though and sometimes it’s hard. 21) Do you miss someone? I miss my grandparents. 22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? Twirl. 23) Do you tan a lot? Hahah not at all XD I am pale as a vampire and burn just as easily. 24) Have any pets? T_T We just put the last of them down last month. I used to have two wonderful ferrets and a Labrador. 25) How exactly are you feeling?! A little sleepy and kind of worn down. 26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? Yes 27) Ever made out in the bathroom? No 28) Would you take any of your exes back? I don’t have any 29) Are you afraid of spiders? Nah. I am actually the designated spider remover/killer of my group of friends and family.  XD 30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I SURE WOULD!! that would be so cool to experience history first hand ^^ 31) Do you regret anything from your past? Nah. 32) What are your plans for this weekend? I have work and THEN I HAVE MY BIRTHDAY I AM GOING TO BE SO OLD HELP ME (I actually won’t be that old but still I was hoping to be more accomplished before I turned almost 30). 33) Do you want to have kids? Hahaha no. Let me be the godperson or the aunt or whatever but I don’t actually want kids. 34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M? No? 35) Do you type fast? Usually. 36) Do you have piercings? Nope. 37) Want any more? Noooo. 38) Can you spell well? Hahahhaa, I frequently spell things so wrong I have to google it cause spell check can’t help me XD 39) Do you miss anyone from your past? No actually. I’m grateful for the experiences and things I learned, but I don’t want those people back in my life. 40) What are you craving right now? nothing actually. 41) Ever been to a bonfire party? I have a feeling that if I say yes it will be saying yes to something I have never actually done/been to but my family usually does big bonfires in the fall and we all hang out and sometimes have friends over? 42) Have you ever been to jail? Nope. 43) Have you ever been on a horse? Yes! Many times. I freaking love horses. <3 44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? Nope. 45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart? No. 46) Have you ever been cheated on? Not applicable 47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Never had one 48) What time is it currently? 4:30 EST 49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? Sure I mean isn’t that what being a roommate is? 50) What should you be doing? Writing. I have rp replies and a novella to write XD 51) What’s irritating you right now? My mild headache that I can’t quite seem to get rid of. 52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Not reeeally? 53) Does somebody love you? Besides family and friends, nope. 54) What is your favorite color? Green, Blue, Black, Purple, Brown 55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yes. But it’s a pain in the butt. 0/10 57) Do you have trust issues? I have some? 58) You are over half way done with this. Are you sure you want to continue? I am not finished until I have answered all eleventy-one questions. No I will not stop making Lord of the Ring references. 59) Do you have any siblings? I do. I have a sister. ^^ 60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a really strong relationship with my parents. 61) Do you live with anyone? My parents 62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Not applicable 63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? My best friend. I just completely broke down and she was like “ok cool beans, I got this” and was super great. 64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Nope. I know my boundaries and if you cross ‘em, you cross ‘em, and I’m out, your loss. 65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? It’s a lot easier to forgive. I frankly think it’s stupid to forgive and forget. Remember, so that you can learn from it, possibly help others, and so that those who wronged you can’t do it again (or as easily at least). 66) Is this year the best year of your life? Absolutely not. It hasn’t been a horrible year by any means though. It’s just had its rough patches. 67) What was your childhood nickname? Anna Banana. 68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? wh-....why would I ever do that? XD 69) What is your motto in life? Hakuna Matata 70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah. 71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Brushed my teeth 72) Do you have a best friend? I do. <3 73) What is bothering you? My headache and the fact that word counts do not go up if you don’t actually write the words. The fact that writing can’t happen by osmosis really bugs me. But I think that it bugs most writers XD 74) Have you ever been out of your country? No. T_T 75) Do you play the Wii? I don’t have one. 76) Are you listening to music right now? No. But I am watching a murder mystery show (Death in Paradise). 77) Do you like Chinese food? GIVE ME!! *grabby hands* 78) Do you know your fathers b- day? I do. But I am not sharing that information. 79) Are you afraid of the dark? No. The dark isn’t scary. It’s what’s in it. 80) Is cheating ever okay? No 81) Are you mean? I can be incredibly mean but I try not to be and leave the situation if I know my temper might get the best of me. 82) Can you keep white shoes clean? Hhahaha my childhood has proven this is an impossibility for me. XD 83) What was the last song you listened to? Why Not (Hilary Duff) 84) Do you believe in true love? Yes. 85) What are you currently wearing? Jeans and a t-shirt 86) What do you wear to bed? Usually just a t-shirt. It gets hot at night here during the summer. 87) What is the weather like right now? IT’S SO HOT AND HUMID WHY DO I LIVE IN THE SOUTH??? 88) Do you like the outside? I freaking love the outdoors. <3 89) Are you currently bored? Nah. I’ve got my tv show, I’m good. 90) Do you wanna get married? I’m so happy being single that I have a really hard time picturing myself ever being married. It’s just not something that interests me. 91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No cause I’m not into that. 92) Are you hungry? Nope. 93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? No. XD 94) What makes you happy? RP-ing, writing, photography, reading, watching murder mysteries/true crime shows 95) Would you change your name? Mayyyybe? But I like it. 96) Ever been to Alaska? No, but I really want to go. 98) Do you watch the news? Sometimes. 99) What’ s your zodiac sign? Cancer 100) Do you like Subway? Subway is one of my favorite sandwich places. 101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Like platonically or romantically? You’ve gotta be more specific here. 102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 1.This doesn’t really apply  2. I don’t have any male friends (namely because they refuse to respect my wishes/boundaries and I’m not here for that no matter the gender--me saying I don’t want to date you is not your cue to try harder). 103) Do you talk like your friends? Nah. I might borrow certain catch phrases but my style of talking is pretty distinct apparently? 104) What do you plan to do with the rest of your day? Just chill. Write a bit and then maybe watch an anime/read then sleep. 105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Once or twice. If I see someone I’m no longer friends with I’ll avoid them, but won’t go majorly out of my way to do so. In the unfortunate event I do I run into them, I’ll be polite. 106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? All of my friends are girls. See number 102. 107) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? My dad. 108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? I can’t be around people who smoke. And I’m not interested in dating. 109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My dad. 110) Favorite lyrics right now?

I know everybody on this island, seems so happy on this island Everything is by design I know everybody on this island has a role on this island So maybe I can roll with mine I can lead with pride, I can make us strong I'll be satisfied if I play along But the voice inside sings a different song What is wrong with me? ~How Far I’ll Go (Moana)

111) Tag 10 people Everyone has already been taggggged. T_T (but if you haven’t been and want to be let me know and I will 100% tag you)