#I hate that some sick part of me is happy that the mutual in question isn't doing good and that they don't seem tk be friends anymore

[fitzhastoomanysideblogs]

I can literally feel my symptoms getting bad again oh my god this is terrible why the fuck do I have to be this way

[moonlinos]

It’s so tasty, come and chase me

♡ Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin × fem!reader

♡ CW: Explicit sexual content (minors dni!), fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, mentions of food

♡ Word count: 2.3k

♡ Synopsis: It’s your first birthday with Hyunjin as your boyfriend, and he wants to give you the best day since you were born. He racks his brain, wondering what’s the perfect way to impress you, and ultimately settles on surprising you with a homemade birthday cake. That’s romantic, right? Too bad you accidentally ruin his plans in the best way possible.

♡ A/N: Based off a request by anon (happy birthday! 🩷) Title from Red Velvet’s Ice Cream Cake bc we all know that song ain’t about cake. I quickly wrote this to try and get out of my writing slump, and I think it worked lol so I’ll hopefully be able to start posting other longer stories and requests in a couple of weeks 🧚‍♀️

You and Hyunjin began dating exactly two hours after your birthday.

Being acquaintances for long due to being in the same friend group, he’d been a part of your birthday celebrations for a few years. But you were never really that close — he’d always been too shy to approach you, and you spent an awfully long time thinking he hated your guts. It was a drunken confession that made you both realize the mutual crush you had been hiding for far too long.

Hyunjin cursed himself inwardly for taking so long to properly ask you out. He sat with your friends and discussed birthday plans with you, then watched as you enjoyed your surprise party. He had a pout on his lips throughout the entire night, desperately wishing he could openly hold and kiss you in front of your friends. The silly secret you both had decided to keep from them until things were official between you drove him to the brink of insanity. You two were skirting around the big question for a while, and it wasn’t until Hyunjin’s veins were flowing with quite a lot of Soju that he finally mustered up the courage to do it.

Only he was too late — it was already 2 a.m, and no longer your birthday.

“You’ll have to put up with me for another year if you really wanna be my boyfriend on my birthday,” you told him with a grin.

Hyunjin was determined to make your first birthday together as a couple unforgettable, even through simple gestures. These two days were incredibly meaningful to him; the day you were born and the day he finally got to call you his, one after the other.

Too bad the universe seems to love conspiring against him.

He put on his best near-death voice and faked coughs over the phone, trying to convince you he was sick. You were understandably worried, but he assured you he would be fine after taking some medicine. He needed alone time to figure out how to bake a cake, and your presence would be a tempting distraction.

Hyunjin was halfway through frosting your cake for the third time when the sound of his door being unlocked made him jump.

Perhaps it wasn’t the universe’s animosity towards him after all, but rather his own stupidity for not remembering that you had the code to his door lock.

He stood there motionless, feeling like a teenager who had been caught doing something wrong, his hand clutching the spatula tightly as you eyed him with confusion. You raised a brow at him.

“Weren’t you dying?”

“Why are you here?” Hyunjin all but whines, and you close the door behind you with a chuckle.

“I’m here because you told me you were dying,” you explain. “Why the fuck are you frosting a cake?” He doesn’t answer, and after a beat and a half, you grasp the situation and your mouth falls open. “It’s for my birthday, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin drops the spatula on the counter with a loud clink. “No.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You grin at the sight before you. “That’s so cute.”

“It’s not for your birthday,” He insists, promptly removing his apron. “I lost a bet and owe Seungmin a cake.”

You roll your eyes. “Hyunjin, you’re a terrible liar.”

“Fine,” He grumbles, glaring at the lumpy, messy frosting spread on the cake. He was so sure he was nailing it this time, but the more he looks at it, the more it looks borderline inedible. “I wanted to surprise you, be like super boyfriend material and bake your birthday cake myself. Turns out I’m fucking awful at it.”

“It’s not that bad…” Your voice trails off, the telltale rise in pitch whenever you lie betraying you. Hyunjin shoots you a glance, narrowing his eyes. “Okay, so it is a little crooked, and the frosting is a bit clumpy but I can fix that—”

He cuts you off, drawing out your name with a pout. “No, I’m the one who’s supposed to make you a pretty cake. It’s your special day, I should be the one doing things for you.”

“It’s not my birthday till midnight,” you argue, tossing your bag onto the floor and gently nudging Hyunjin to the side, making room for you on his counter. “Let me help.”

You take the spatula in your hands, ignoring Hyunjin’s loud protests and trying your best to smooth out the thick layer of frosting Hyunjin had spread onto the cake. Your brows knit together in concentration as your boyfriend continues to grumble beside you, eventually moving his nagging to the counter behind you. You hear the water running and the clinking of dishes as you finally start making progress, before Hyunjin’s hands are gripping your hips and pushing you against the counter.

You furrow your brows, ready to complain about him disrupting you, but he’s pressing his lips to your neck before you can mutter out a word. Hyunjin’s breath as he mumbles against your skin tickles you, your body instinctively jolting, causing your hand to slip and mess up the frosting (again).

“Hyunjin,” you berate him, and his only response is to hum. “This frosting is already borderline unusable, if you—”

“Hey!” He snaps, and you can hear the pout on his voice. “Don’t insult my frosting.”

“Then stop disrupting me.”

Hyunjin shakes his head, his body pressing against yours.

“You’re the one who ruined my surprise,” he corrects you, “So if you wanna decorate this cake so badly, you’ll have to do it while I disrupt you,” he mimics your voice. You roll your eyes while a huff of amusement slips from your lips.

“Be my guest,” you shrug.

Hyunjin simply buries his face in the crook of your neck, his lips curling into a grin against your skin and igniting a smile on your own face. You bite the inside of your cheek, turning your focus back to the disastrous cake. But your smile only widens at the sight of the decorations thrown around on the countertop; heart-shaped sprinkles, various candles and your favorite candies. The image of Hyunjin clumsily following a recipe, his pretty face dusted in flour, making frosting from scratch simply to make your birthday cake more special has your heart swelling with love.

But just as you spread more frosting on the cake, your concentration is shattered by the sudden touch of Hyunjin’s hand sliding under your skirt and into your panties.

“Excuse me?”

“I told you I was gonna disrupt you,” he shrugs, pressing a chaste kiss to your shoulder. “But I’m sure it won’t work. You’re too focused on the cake, anyway.”

You scoff. Hyunjin really is such a menace when he wants to be — no wonder you spent such a long time thinking he hated you. Little did you know that behind his teasing and cold exterior lay such a sweet and sensitive man.

He remained still for a while, his hand nonchalantly cupping your cunt while he watched you try your best to make the cake look presentable.

“You missed a spot,” he points out, one single finger gliding along your folds. You hiss.

“Fuck off.”

Hyunjin chuckles, the digit now teasing your already slick entrance. You wait for a minute, then two, then three, but he remains still. Tightening your hold on the spatula, you buck your hips toward his hand, willing him to do something.

But he doesn’t, resting his chin on your shoulder with a lazy sigh instead.

“Is this your best attempt at disrupting me?”

He hums. “Focus on the cake, baby. Weren’t you so excited about fixing it?”

You can tell he is undoubtedly a bit upset at you. This cake was his birthday surprise to you, after all. You had essentially fucked it up, taking over the task without him even asking you for help.

So you nod slowly, turning your face to shoot him a small smile. “Can you help me? It’ll be better if we do it together.”

A grin tugs at the corner of his lips, and his finger finally pushes into you, your walls immediately clenching around it.

“I’d love to help you.”

With his other hand, Hyunjin scrambles with the sprinkles packet before finally tearing it open. Cursing under his breath, he watches some of the red and pink hearts escape from the packaging and scatter across the counter. You’re ready to tease him, but a moan swallows your voice as his finger curls inside you, pressing against the spot that has you almost dropping the spatula onto the cake.

Your hands grip the counter as another finger slips inside of you, then a third, all while Hyunjin casually dusts a handful of sprinkles over the white frosting. You could feel yourself leaking around his fingers, the heel of his palm grazing over your clit, and your vision goes slightly blurry watching how the heart shapes cascade from his hand onto the cake.

“I think those candies would look nice with the sprinkles, don’t you think?” Hyunjin asks, his breath brushing against the shell of your ear, causing goosebumps to ripple across your entire body. You simply nod, too focused on the way his fingers stretch you, igniting a wildfire inside your chest with each pump of his wrist. “Could you grab the bag for me, baby?”

You nod and mindlessly reach out in front of you, until your eyes land on the bag sitting across the counter, just barely out of reach. You stretch out your fingers, but Hyunjin circles your waist with his left arm and pulls you flush against his body before you can get a hold of it.

“Hyunjin,” you whine, feeling the warmth of his chest as it rumbles against your back with a chuckle.

“Grab the bag for me, hm?”

You let out a shuddering breath and reach out toward the candy package, your body bending over the marble counter, the thick outline of Hyunjin’s cock pressing against your ass. As soon as your trembling fingers wrap around the bag, his hand leaves your cunt and pushes your soaked panties to the side.

He slides his length along your folds, hovering over your body, the swollen head of his cock catching against your clit evoking a heavy sigh from your lips.

“Go on,” Hyunjin prompts, “Let’s finish decorating your cake.”

Clumsily, you pull yourself up, forearms resting against the counter as you tear the bag open. With shaky hands, you slowly tip the bag over, lightly sprinkling the colorful candies across the cake. Until Hyunjin rolls his hips forward, plunging into you. Your breath catches in your throat as he fills you with his thick length, pumping into you in full force, causing your body to writhe in his arms and sending candies flying out of the bag, scattering across the cake and countertop.

“Fuck, Hyunjin,” you grunt when his hand slides down your body to trace circles around your swollen clit. “The ca- the fucking cake.”

Hyunjin lets out a hearty laugh before pressing his lips to your neck, sucking the skin between his teeth, each thrust of his hips slamming your body against the counter. Your eyes flutter closed, a haze of lust wrapping around you while your climax ripples through your body. Hyunjin shudders as your cunt clenches around him, squeezing as he hastily rams into you, his grip on your waist tightening with each stroke.

“Gonna come,” he rasps in your ear, grabbing a handful of your hair and tugging your head back to look at him, his eyes completely clouded over. “Where do you want it?”

“Inside,” you whimper, barely registering the way your fingers graze across the forgotten cake when you feel his cock twitch at your words. He mutters a string of curses through clenched teeth before flooding you with his warmth.

You slowly catch your breaths, Hyunjin pressing light kisses across your face with a contented hum as his cock slowly softens inside of you.

And then both your eyes land on the cake.

Somehow, the sprinkles melted, leaving behind a garish kaleidoscope of colors, and the candies adorned more of Hyunjin’s counter than the cake itself. The already sloppy-looking cake had three lines running across it, and the sticky white frosting clinging to your fingertips serves as undeniable evidence of your guilt. You grimace, mentally bracing yourself for the disappointed look in Hyunjin’s eyes.

Instead, his loud laughter you love so much echoes in your ears.

“That’s so fucking ugly,” he slurs between giggles.

You frown, turning to look at him, watching tears gather in his lashes as his laughter slowly fades away. He presses a kiss to your agape lips, wrapping both arms around your body before resting his forehead against yours.

“I love it,” he assures you after taking in your befuddled expression. “We made it together. Plus, we had a lot of fun doing it, yeah?” He grins before crashing his lips against yours again.

Your birthday party was the same as it has been for a couple of years; just you and your friend group gathered around your apartment’s rooftop. Except this year, you had the pleasure of watching people’s bewildered looks as they glanced at your birthday cake, proudly displayed on a plastic folding table.

“The fuck is that cake?” Jeongin asked, and Hyunjin burst out laughing as soon as the words left your friend’s lips.

After singing happy birthday, you were surprised to find that the cake — although an assault on the eyes — tasted quite good. You were quick to praise Hyunjin, who sheepishly admitted to using a store-bought box cake mix.

A while later, you two discreetly escaped the chatter and laughter from your friends. While you watched the stars, Hyunjin’s attention was fixated on the passing seconds on his phone. He counted down from five, and at the stroke of midnight, he pressed his lips to yours, smiling into the kiss.

“Happy one year together,” he whispered against your lips.

“Congratulations for putting up with me,” you beamed, and Hyunjin feigned an exasperated sigh, his lips curling into a grin.

“Can’t believe I’ll have to go through that again if I want to be your boyfriend on your birthday next year.”

♡ taglist: @bloom-ings, @linocz, @farahia, @mirbokk, @jisunglyricist, @jazziwritesthings, @seungseung-minmin, @yourcvndx, @hynjinnnnnnnie, @vlctorriaa, @yongbokkiesworld, @kiensecent, @redstayrosie, @binniesbabygirl, @pynchkilledme

[purinfelix]

could you please write something where trent pining for his bestfriend for a long time before he finally confesses to her that he has feelings?? thank you! i love your writing sm <3

something stupid ���˚⊹

pairing: Trent Alexander Arnold x reader summary: Trent’s never been the best at concealing his jealousy, especially not when it comes to you - even if the two of you are ‘just friends’ warnings: none w/c: 1k

a/n: had to combine these two because they gave me the best idea everrr ... anyways i missed writing for trent like i realised i don't acc write for him that much - soo pls send more trent reqss!! <33

♬ and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you" ♬

Trent couldn’t decide what feeling was worse - the intense, almost burning jealousy ripping through him as he watched you from across the bar, or the even more intense guilt consuming him for even daring to feel that way. To feel such an all-consuming possessiveness over someone who wasn’t even his, and to be left with no option other than to loiter in the corner like some idiot, his grip on his drink growing tighter by the second.

You wouldn’t blame him, surely, you couldn’t. With the way you looked tonight, and the fact that you had personally invited him out with you - albeit with a couple mutual friends - but none of them mattered, at least not to him. It also didn’t help that you had spent the last couple of years, ever since meeting through a group project in some long-forgotten university class, dragging him through some sick cat-and-mouse game. Always toeing the line between being just close friends, or something vaguely more, and Trent hated himself for just going along with it, but he’d by lying if he said he didn’t enjoy how weak he was to your charms.

But as he watched you, his breath heavy and heart beating steadily, he couldn’t help but question whether you had meant to do any of it at all. He watched you throw your head back in laughter and hot jealousy pulsed through him once more, yearning for nothing more than to be the one making you laugh instead of whatever other guy you were lending your attention to. Still, you looked so happy, so at peace, he couldn’t help but curse himself for even considering the possibility that you were purposely making him pine after you. After all, it was his fault - he had still yet to muster up the courage to ask you out on a date, even after being stupidly enamoured with everything about you since the day he met you. It was probably more rational to consider that he had just misread most of your actions beyond the friendly gestures they were supposed to be.

Suddenly, his attention was turned to the steady arm of another one of your male friends snaking around your waist, which Trent had been dragging his gaze along excruciatingly slowly - but now his focus was turned to the fact that this asshole was pulling you closer to himself, and further away from Trent.

Fuck rationality.

The thud of his glass was definite, followed quickly by his heavy footsteps as Trent shoved past the small group you had amassed, not bothering to make his actions subtle. It was clear to everyone, including himself, that Trent was moving faster than his rational thoughts could form, but that didn’t seem to matter when his hand was already wrapped tightly around your wrist, dragging you in the direction of the bar’s exit. You protested, struggling against his grip, but all it took was one look from him as he turned back to you - equal parts pained and pleading - for you to go with him.

The biting cold of the late night hit you the minute you stepped out of the bar, causing you to stop straight in your tracks and huff with frustration.

“Trent, what the hell is going on with you?” your tone was demanding, not making any effort to conceal your annoyance with him.

“I wasn’t going to stand by and watch that filth lay his hands all over you,” he retorts, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was equally annoyed with you. But from the way he can’t stand still and his eyes are scanning the pavement, avoiding yours, you know there’s something else at play here.

“Bullshit.”

“Wh- I can’t do something nice for you?”

“Giving me a life, paying for dinner, those are nice things - not snatching me away when I was in the middle of a conversation? Why do you care if some guy touches me?”

“Why do I care?” he scoffs, almost as if he doesn’t believe you haven’t realised why yet, “Because I’m in love with you! You’ve invited my out tonight, and you seem to be having the time of your life, but when I saw you with that guy, him making you laugh, touching you, all I could think about was how much I wanted it to be me instead. How much I’ve always wanted it to be me.”

A silence falls over you two, and it’s only now that the weight of Trent’s actions have hit him, as well as the realisation that he can’t do anything to take back his words now, or stop whatever reaction you’re about to give him. He makes his regret obvious almost immediately, his flustered expression dropping as he looks down to the ground once more, unable to bring himself to look at you. His confession hangs in the air, having changed both everything and nothing at once.

You stood there, slack-jawed, mind racing yet absolutely speechless. You’d be lying if you hadn’t at least suspected Trent of having feelings for you, but you had brushed any inkling you had off as your own misinterpretation. Hearing him say it out loud was another thing entirely, and it was overwhelming your every sense, but in a good way.

The silence became too much to bear, and Trent figured he’d have to be the one to brave it, “Say something, please,” he mumbles, voice heavy, almost preparing himself for rejection.

“Trent…” you begin, stepping slightly closer and reaching out to take his hand in yours, “I’ve wanted it to be you too.”

At this, he looks up at you, eyes glistening. “Really?” the disbelief in his voice almost breaks your heart.

“Yeah,” you say, almost laughing at how ridiculous this is, “for a while, actually.”

“God, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that,” he lets out an almost comical sigh of relief, finally breaking into a smile, and you can’t help but do the same.

“Now, I’d like to get back to my drink, if you don’t mind,” you say, but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“Why would I mind?” he laughs, and you could slap him right there and then, but you can only smile in faux-annoyance as the two of you walk back to the bar, hand-in-hand.

[whiskeyghoul]

Pt.6 || She blinded me with science || [Spencer Reid x Goth!reader]

First part, Previous part, Next part

A/N: Ah okay this took a bit longer than expected. I really wanted to do this justice but that took a while oops. I really hope you enjoy it. A bit more good vibes towards the end. There are more plans for part 7 with backstory so hopefully that will be up and going soon. Maybe some spice? If people want? Let me know. Remember to please reblog when you can!

WC: 3,4K

Tags: alt reader, little hurt comfort, past relationships, making up, hurt comfort-ish, fluff. 

Warnings: Mentions of past relationship, toxic relationships, hinting at nsfw

Your POV

When Spencer left the office it took a few moments for Penelope to return. Being alone in the room, surrounded by computers and Garcia trinkets, it was still incredibly lonely. You felt horrible, tears were threatening to fall from your eyes. Like they had been the entire day. You felt like a dick. Spencer had been nothing but nice, kind, looking at you with those big brown eyes like you were the only person in the world. It was just unfair that when you finally had something, someone, to look forward to talking to, that it was all taken away. You were at fault too of course. It wasn’t just the situation, you actively pushed him away but only to keep him from getting hurt.

The door opened, Penelope walked in looking concerned. “Boy genius looked upset. What happened? What did you tell him?” the two questions you really didn’t want to answer. “I just told him I needed time to work on something. Fix something.” You answered after swallowing thickly. “You didn’t tell him about Tommy?” You told Penelope before about how bad your ex was, how he had snuck into the building and left you a ‘gift’. It was always about Tommy. He made sure of that. Popping back into your life when things went well. Squashing any form of happiness down, stamping it into the ground. 

The thing with Tommy was that when you had been together he had been almost dismissive when it came to showing it. Your relationship felt shallow, like you didn’t know the person you had been with. Only discussing the basics, never truly getting to know each other on a deeper level, when you did it was a rare occasion and you both used it against each other. You had a different kind of passion though. There was undeniable tension in the way you teased and called eachother names. It was a love hate relationship if you had ever seen one. Hate seemed to be your way of love with him. It lasted 6 months.

You don’t even remember how it came to be, because it happened on a drunken night out with a mutual friend. A former friend. Who made a comment about the way you berated eachother like an old married couple. You made a comment about how you’d never do him. He made a comment about how you would be lucky to have him. Jabs were made, words were said. Then suddenly, the next morning, you woke up in his apartment with your clothes discarded on the ground and black lipstick marks on his neck. Somehow it happened, and you don’t remember hating it, nor the time after. That was the start of it.

You do remember hating the end of it. Every week ended with a fight, and not in the way you had been used to. This didn’t have the usual quips and remarks, no it was truly using sore spots to anger each other. Every week he would try to make up, apologize, buy flowers or make dinner. But every week would end the same as the one before it. You were stressed, sick and tired of the continuous flip flopping of his personality. His words were venom, and every week it settled deeper into your body, festering, feeding this growing idea of leaving him. When you finally found the courage, the right time, his reaction shocked you.

He hit you.

He apologized profusely after that. Trying to reconcile once again but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. You packed up the few items you had at his apartment and left. Still he didn’t seem to be able to let it go. Every so often he would pop into your life. Like he had done the weekend before, leaving a gift on your doorstep. Something to remind you he was still there, watching you, following every step you took and swooping in as soon as you got close to someone. Making you relive the entire thing. This time it was a small paper gift bag with a tag that stated he missed you, inside was a jewelry box you didn’t even open. It sat there on your doorstep for 3 days until you caved and brought it inside. Still though, it sat on your dining room table, unopened. 

“Yeah… He uh… I don’t want Spencer to be caught in the middle of it. I don’t know how far Tommy is willing to go.” You shook your head slightly, trying to shake away the memories. Penelope stared at you, mouth slightly agape “And you didn’t think that the FBI agent could help you with your problem?” she managed to bring out, there was clear confusion in her face. “Yes, but I need to do this myself. I don’t want to burden Spencer with this. It’s my thing, and I won’t let him ruin something good again.” You took a deep breath, knowing you might have ruined your chances with Spencer just now. It made your heart ache, terribly so. “I can hack his phone, tell him to back off, put a virus on it so it opens every porn site known to mankind as soon as it gets close to you?” Penelope’s tone being serious made you crack a smile. “Let’s keep that as our plan B.” There was a hint of humor returned in your voice.

You thought about it, you really liked Spencer. Tommy was standing in the way of things for you and you needed to get him out of your life once and for all. You looked to Penelope, “I just hope I didn’t lose my chance with Spencer.” You admitted before you were enveloped in a tight hug. “I’ll keep an eye on him, let you know if our boy genius comes back.” She said as you returned the hug. She was a good friend. The best. Always looking out for you and you so hoped she felt the same about you. You thanked her before you took your leave. Promising to keep her updated on what you were doing. 

You: ‘Is Spencer back?’

You texted Penelope the question as you sat in the lab waiting for the centrifuge to finish. It was Wednesday, you had been able to talk to Tommy that Sunday. Talk was a big word. He took your contact as an admission that you still liked him. That you wanted him back. When you told him to leave you alone he got angry. Which threw you right back to the fights that you had with him before. It was like nothing changed for him. Things had changed for you though. You finally realized he didn’t care about you, he didn’t want you back, he wanted the idea of you. 

Spencer hadn’t shown up to work again since Thursday.

Penny: ‘No, I wanted to go check on him. I can’t get a hold of him.’

Penelope replied to your text. The ding of your phone pulling your attention back to it. The fact that Penelope, the sweetest, most caring, technologically adept person you knew couldn’t get a hold of him meant he really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. ‘I’ll try and text him again.’ You sent the message to Penelope before quickly changing to Spencer’s contact. Your previous messages sat unanswered.

You: ‘Spencer, can we talk?’ Sun, 16:30

You: ‘Are you coming into work today?’ Mon, 8:38

You: ‘Spencer? Could you please answer me? I want to talk about what happened.’ Mon, 12:45

You: ‘I fixed it.’ Mon, 12:46

You: ‘Please text me when you see this.’ Tue, 15:24

It was ironic. These messages were so similar to what Tommy had sent you when you first broke up. You really didn’t want to become like him. Just when you had finally gotten rid of him. You sighed, typing out a new message. Hitting send you quietly waited for a reply. Turning the chair you had been sitting in. Looking at the phone screen every few seconds, anxious for an answer. Watching the minutes pass by felt like it was taking forever. Until the phone buzzed alive, the screen lit up with a message.

You: ‘Spencer, everyone is worried. Just let me know you’re alive.’ Wed, 12:36

Spence: ‘I’m okay’ Wed, 12:40

You breathed a sigh of relief, the nerves settling down. Finally, he was speaking to you again. Or well, texting you again. Which was better than nothing in all honesty. Missing spencer for 6 days has been torture. No conversations, no lunch together, not even a quick pop by the lab just to get the notes on a case. You didn’t think you could miss someone so much. Especially when you had only known each other for a few weeks.

You: ‘I’m coming over after work. I need to talk to you.��

Spencer: ‘What? You don’t have to. I really don’t need you to check up on me.’

You: ‘It’s not about checking up on you. I want to apologize in person, explain what happened…’

Spencer: ‘You don’t even know where I live.’

You: ‘So text me your address. Or I can ask your colleagues for it.’

Spencer: ‘...’

Spencer: ‘Alright.’

You: ‘I’ll get you something to eat on the way over. Anything you want.’

Spencer sent you his address, and a request for chicken tandoori from a place near his apartment. A smile crossed your lips, he had needed time but he was accepting you coming over. Maybe, you could make up. There was just a little glimmer of hope. You quickly texted Penelope that Spencer was alive, and you were going to check up on him later that day. Explaining you were going to talk about what happened, to hopefully get on his good side again. Maybe have a shot at going on a date again, though that was probably too soon. You realized you had hurt his feelings, terribly so, but it was to make sure you could get rid of Tommy. Without him hurting Spencer in the process. You didn’t know what he would be able to do. An explanation was necessary, for sure.

So you stood in front of Spencer’s apartment door. Bag of Thai take-out in hand. You had texted Spencer before you left the Thai place, letting him know your ETM just to make sure he was prepared for you showing up. Nerves had begun to coarse through your body. The fact he could still be angry with you was weighing deeply in your mind. Though accepting your coming over was a step in the right direction it didn’t mean he’d necessarily want to listen to what you had to say. You just hoped he would be willing to listen. To have a conversation.

You reached your free hand up, knocking on the apartment door. Waiting a few seconds before hearing movement inside. The door opened and Spencer stood in the entrance. His hair was disheveled, a slightly large cardigan hung from his frame, just a t-shirt underneath. His eyes were tinged red. He looked… not so great. Tired. You had really hurt him. A sinking feeling in your stomach, it was terrible to see him like this. You never wanted this. “Hey.” The word came out strained. “Hi.” Spencer said in return, his eyes looked you over. You realized you weren’t looking so hot yourself either. Comfy clothes had been your go to for the past 2 days, a sadness settling in your bones at not seeing Spencer, not hearing from him. A way too large zip up from some band you didn’t listen to anymore, with holes at the cuffs from nervously picking at them in times of distress. You had foregone makeup too, not feeling the motivation for it the past days. 

“I brought the thai you wanted. We should eat before it gets cold.” You said, holding up the take away bag with a sad smile. Spencer took a step to the side, “Right, thanks.” He said as you walked past him into the apartment. It was somehow exactly what you expected from Spencer but still surprising. There were books everywhere you looked. The massive shelves that lined a wall were filled to the brim. There was a leather couch in his living room, where a blanket laid haphazardly over the arm. A small table sat next to the window, a chessboard atop with a game configuration.

It smelled like him. 

“I really like your apartment, it suits you.” You complimented as you had your look around. Taking everything in as Spencer walked to a small dining room area. “Thanks.” Spencer’s answers were short. Annoyingly so. You walked over to the table, placing the take out on the table. Watching as Spencer got plates and cutlery out and handed you your set. You got all the food out, separating yours and Spencers out and placing them on different sides of the table. You wanted to face him when you apologized. So when you both sat down you took a deep breath. “You w-” “I am s-” Both Spencer and you spoke at the same time. It was so similar to when you had both spoken that Thursday before. You let out a soft laugh, it was borderline ironic that when you wanted to apologize it happened in a similar fashion as when you upset him.

Spencer looked at you with a hint of confusion, maybe a bit of disdain at your laugh, “You wanted to talk?” he said as he piled his plate with the chicken tandoori that smelled so flavourful. “Yes. I wanted to explain, apologize…” you said, slowly putting some rice and chicken masala on your own plate. “I am sorry about what I said. I was afraid you would be caught in the middle of things that would put me in a bad light. Or maybe make you realize I am not worth the trouble.” You started, “I have an ex, Tommy, who ehm… how do I even explain this.” You felt nervous, this was the first time you had actually said something about Tommy to a guy you might like. “Tommy wasn’t the greatest. And when I finally broke up with him he couldn’t let it go.” You watched Spencer’s expression change, you couldn’t place it though, it wasn’t pity. Pity is what you usually get when you tell people about your emotionally abusive ex. No, this was different.

“He stalks you?” He said before you could continue. You were a little surprised he found that out with the words you used. Before remembering that’s what he does, behavioral analyst. Finding answers through just the smallest of details. “I hope he won’t anymore.” You answered, “I talked to him. He found out about you. After we went to the museum together he had left me something.” You continued, “And it made me realize that I didn’t know how far he was willing to go to keep me from meeting someone. I did not want you to realize I am not worth the trouble of dealing with a stalker. Or, for you to get hurt because of something he did.” you fell silent, Spencer was so too. His eyes on you felt heavy. Analyzing every little move, facial expression. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t… I don’t think that. I wouldn’t think you aren’t worth the trouble.” He sounded just a little upset. Like the mere thought of you not being worth the trouble was appalling to him. “But you still could have gotten hurt.” You protested. “If I was scared of getting hurt I wouldn’t have joined the FBI.” He answered so seriously. It made a wave of relief wash over you. 

Spencer took a bite of his food, which reminded you that yes, you were here to eat too. “So… You’re not mad at me?” You asked before taking a small bite of your own food. It was nice, Spencer was right to order from here. “I’m not… I was sad, a little confused at first. I knew you were hurt too… which is why I wasn’t mad. And I am not mad now.” He explained after swallowing his bite. “I am hurt that you didn’t tell me. That you think I would leave at the first signs of trouble.”

You nodded your head, he had a right to be hurt. “I’m sorry, I was just, people tend to leave. Or I don’t let them get close enough to really know what was going on. It caught me off guard that you were the first. How quickly it happened too.” your voice still sounded a little strained. Speaking words and thoughts that had subconsciously taken up your mind. Ones that you didn’t give the time of day before to fully develop, to acknowledge. Penelope sent him on purpose, she must have known, or had an inkling that the good doctor would break down your walls. His disarming nature, sweet demeanor, his smile. Everything about him made you feel safe. It was terrifying.

“So what did you say to get him to back off?” Spencer asked, seemingly a little interested, though his voice was a little soft. You cleared your mouth, “Well… I don’t know if it worked just yet.” you started. “But, I eventually made him realize how stupid it is to threaten a person who has access to lab equipment and various kinds of poison. Oh and also that if he so much as glances at me again Penelope will put a virus on all his electronics that will cause them to irrevocably be loaded with porn and viruses.” You felt just a little devious, a small smirk playing on your lips. You looked up at Spencer who had his mouth slightly agape, his eyes wide as he processed your words. He looked surprised until a soft chuckle escaped his lips, “Remind me to stay on your good side.” He laughed.

You missed that sound more than you would like to admit. More than you expected.

“I don’t think you could ever get on my bad side.” You said it, eyes softening as you looked at Spencer. His eyes mirrored yours. There was a kindness in them with a hint of sadness still. “I wouldn’t even want to try.” he said those words almost like a whisper. They were imbued with tenderness. It made a shiver run up your spine, a warmth settled in your stomach. “Can we go back to normal?” You asked, putting down your utensils on the table, “Please?” You didn’t want to plead but you didn’t want to lose Spencer. The only thing on your mind was wanting to be close to him again. You waited, watching as Spencer thought for a moment. The silence was nerve wracking. The only thing you could feel in that moment was your heartbeat. The seconds felt like minutes instead. You waited in bated breath hoping he’d be willing to make up. Hands fidgeting with the holes in your sleeves. Teeth assaulting the inside of your lip.

“Yeah… I’d like that.” You let out the breath you had been holding, relief washing over you at his words. Shoulders sagging down as finally relaxation took over fully. “Thank you, I couldn’t stand not hearing from you every day.” you spoke and you watched Spencer visibly relax too at your words. “It was hard to ignore you.” He confessed. “You better never do it again then.” Yeah, this started to feel normal again. “And you better finish your food. You gotta get up early to meet me before starting tomorrow.” You teased, taking a bite of your own food. “Or you c-'' Spencer stopped himself, a small blush tinging his cheeks. It was a little surprising, you didn’t understand what he wanted to say, but he looked extremely adorable blushing. “If you want, we could watch a movie after?” He said, it wasn’t what he wanted to say at first, but it was something that he wanted to spend time with you again. “I’d love to.” You nodded your head yes.

So after dinner, you sat on his couch together. Both dressed in your shabbiest clothes. Your head leaned against his shoulder, a blanket wrapped around the both of you. The smell of Spencer completely enveloping you. Completely at ease. Though still wondering what he really had wanted to say.

Tag list: @luvkatryna @emma-e-a @littlemadamred @cultish-corner @styleiconsize0 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @depressedbutartsy @mikariell95 @jasf444 @queermaxwooo @ill-be-okay-soon-enough @sammy-4103 @thedevioussmirk @pleasantwitchgarden @khxna @mega-kittyglitter-1 @superlegend216 @seninjakitey

[deobienthusiast]

this christmas | jacob bae

• pairing: gender-neutral!reader x christmas shop worker!jacob bae, mentions of reader x kim sunwoo, and small mentions of chanhee

• word count: 6.4k words

• genre: fluff, slight angst

• rating: PG

• warnings: there’s a slight mention of wanting to be dead, hatred of christmas, i made sunwoo an asshole

• notes: my secret santa fic for the lovely @snowflakewhispers! i hope you enjoy it so! i really enjoyed writing this and sunwoo i desperately apologize for portraying you this way🥺

• tagging: @deoboyznet @zzoguri @hyungseos-cafe @userjuyo @hongyangi (if you’d like to be on a tag list, let me know)

To say Christmas was your least favorite holiday would be an understatement. The kids running around acting like gluttony-craved little animals, families fighting over toys, traveling. The part about Christmas that you hated the worst? Couple activities.

Seeing happy couples frolicking about in the ankle deep snow. Listening to Christmas carolers, looking at Christmas lights, getting each other cute little couple gifts. Absolutely not. You weren’t always this way. You used to love Christmas. In fact, you adored it! It was your favorite holiday. The opportunity to spend time with loved ones, eat delicious food and sweet treats, snow, gifts. Who wouldn’t love Christmas?

The holiday became even more special when you met your ex, Sunwoo. He was a ball of energy. He held this swagger and exuded confidence. Every person who ever came in contact with him would swoon over him. He just had that effect on people, and boy did he know it. Sunwoo would come off as cocky. He constantly expected people to melt to the ground when he was around. When he didn’t get his way, it was an absolute nightmare.

This behavior should’ve been your first red flag, but honestly, you were so enamored by him that you looked right past it. Your friends tried to warn you, but unfortunately they never got through to you. You should’ve listened. You definitely should’ve listened. Maybe then, the last Christmas you were together wouldn’t have hurt so much. Maybe, you could’ve prevented your heart from breaking as deep as it did. With school ending for Christmas break, you were taking it upon yourself to visit your somewhat-loving boyfriend who lived across the city. Trudging through the cold snow, up the steps to his apartment, you felt a warmth fill your heart at the fact that for the first time in a couple weeks you’d be spending your favorite holiday with your favorite person.

His door was cracked open, something you constantly got on him about as he didn’t live in the best neighborhood, so you let yourself in. Immediately, that warmth you felt was gone. Vanished into the cold, winter air like water when it hits high heat. Clothes were thrown all across the small apartment. Some of his, and some of someone else’s. Now, you’re probably thinking…did you confront him? Did you trash the place? Did you break down in front of him and beg for answers? Well the answer to all those questions, no. You did none of those things, rather you left the small little gift you got from his favorite gift shop on his side table in the living room, and left. You hoped that just leaving would make what you found out hurt a little less. That maybe sparing your heart any more pain would help you. It didn’t. Your Christmas break was miserable. Friends leaving messages in attempts to find out what happened with Sunwoo when he showed up to your mutual friend's annual Christmas party with a new girl on his arm. Seeing him post pictures of them going sledding, decorating his little apartment and his Christmas tree that looked very similar to a Charlie Brown Christmas tree made you sick. You vowed to protect yourself and your heart. Writing off Christmas was the best way to do it. You stopped celebrating. You stopped visiting family and friends, and you just stayed on campus to focus on school. You hated Christmas. Until this year.

Determined to bring back your Christmas spirit, your mother forced you to come home for Christmas. She claimed your one bad memory shouldn’t cloud your love for the holiday and wanted you to be home with loved ones to help you get back to that happy place. You did not want to be home, but when your mother makes up her mind on something there is no turning back.

Your old clunker of a car drove soundly on the salted roads. The snow this year had been even worse than previous years, prompting the city to work overtime in clearing roads for the holidays. You never really trusted their work anyway, so you still drove carefully and slowly so as to not die. Apparently the other people on the road behind you didn’t like that. As they passed you, thoughtfully giving you the finger in an obscene gesture of hatred, you fiddled with your radio. You did not want to listen to another Christmas song.

The car ride was almost unbearable. You couldn’t find a single station not playing Christmas music, so you weren’t in the most jolly mood when you arrived at your parents. Waiting outside in what had to have been the most ugly Christmas sweater you had ever seen in your entire life and a plate full of cookies, your mother smiled widely. She was so happy to finally have her only child home for the holidays, even if said child was Ebenezer Scrooge Jr.

“Sweetheart, welcome home!” Your mother exclaimed happily.

Giving her your best smile, you let her pull you into a hug. The bright green tinsel decorating her ugly sweater rustling against you.

“Hi mom.”

She pulled away, shoving the plate of heavily decorated sugar cookies into your hands. “Take those back to your roommate. I know how much Chanhee loves my sugar cookies.”

A genuine smile made its way to your face at the mention of your best friend. The only bright spot in your life. He was your savior after you broke up with Sunwoo, and another person who was convinced that you would find your Christmas spirit again.

“He’ll be over the moon, mom.” You told her as she pulled you into the house.

The heat hit you like a freight train, as both the fireplace and heater were running at full force. You were surprised your mother wasn’t dying of heat exhaustion with the three shaven sheep wool sweater she had on. You set the cookies down on the table, looking at all the Christmas decorations she had taken the time to precisely lay out. The garland adorning the fireplace was set with care, four stockings laid out. The fourth one was for Chanhee as he usually accompanied you when you traveled, but couldn’t this year. The Christmas tree looked like a holiday bomb. Decorated in green, red, and silvers, the tree looked good. You couldn’t deny that. You did notice, however, that the topper was missing.

“Mom,” You trailed off. “Where’s the angel?”

She chuckled. “Your father dropped it when he went to put it on. Her glass snowflake shattered, so we have to go to the little Christmas store downtown.”

You frowned. “Mom, everything is closed because of the weather.”

Shaking her head, she spoke. “This place is open every day no matter the weather when it’s the holidays. The family wants it to always be accessible for people during the holiday season.”

You went to nod as she spoke again. “You’re coming with me.”

Letting out a huff, you headed upstairs to drop off your suitcase. Opening your bedroom door, you shoved your suitcase off to the side. The room looked the same as it did when you graduated. Your mother hadn’t touched a thing. Pictures of you and your friends, family members, Sunwoo.

“Why haven’t I taken those down?” You asked yourself.

Walking over to the board, you stared at the pictures of you and Sunwoo, letting your fingers run across them before tearing them off the board. The sound of ripping paper as the picture was pulled through the tack made you smile only slightly, crumbling the pictures up in your hand to throw them away. You unpacked your suitcase, putting all your clothes in drawers as you thought about how you could get out of going to the Christmas shop downtown. Some of your ideas spanned from faking an illness, to making Chanhee fake an emergency. Each one was worse than the last, and you figured going just to get a tree topper wouldn’t be so bad. Accepting your fate, you sat in your room, scrolling through social media as you inevitably waited to be dragged to hell.

You were wrong. You were so so wrong. Your mother had you walking around this store for almost two hours, with the basket she had, being turned into a cart to fill with more than just a new Christmas tree topper. You were starting to get annoyed. Your mother had no plans of leaving any time soon, so you ventured off. You rounded a corner you hadn’t been down yet, running your hands over the ornaments that looked like colorful food items.

“I personally like the oversized ice cream cones. They are kind of unrealistic though. Who takes a bite out of their ice cream?” A soft voice said from behind you.

You whipped around, your eyes landing on a guy with quite the facial features. He was handsome, that’s for sure. His almond-shaped eyes bored into yours as he smiled, effectively taking your breath away.

“Do you work here?” You asked, and you mentally facepalmed yourself.

What a stupid question? As if the red and green outfit paired with a santa hat and elf ears didn’t give it away.

He chuckled. “No, I just like dressing up as one of Santa’s little helpers in my free time.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his joke.

“My family owns the business, so I work here to help them.” The boy said.

His tone was very soft, almost as if he was afraid to speak any louder. He had a calming presence about him that spread throughout the store. You have to admit, despite not even knowing his name, you did enjoy being around him. It was more interesting than just dragging along behind your mother, that’s for sure.

The boy gave you a small smile before holding his hand out. “I’m Jacob. Jacob Bae.”

You smiled, gently gripping his hand. The handshake was firm, yet soft. His skin was smooth with just the slightest bit of a tan. He had a natural warmth to him that spread throughout your body when his hand touched yours.

“Do you run the store by yourself?” You asked Jacob.

He nodded his head. “I have a brother, but he’s busy with his own things. My parents bought the store when we were both little, and then when I got old enough they decided to just let me run the store by myself.”

“This doesn’t get boring?”

Jacob chuckled again, and you couldn’t help but blush. His laugh gave way to the most breathtaking smile.

“I wouldn’t say boring. Slow, yes, but definitely not boring. There’s not a single thing about Christmas that is boring to me.” Jacob exclaimed with a smile.

You rolled your eyes slightly. “I could give you multiple reasons why Christmas is boring.”

The boy let out a little giggle, looking away at a small family picking out a pretty antique ornament.

“I get the feeling you aren’t a big fan of Christmas.” Jacob said softly.

This time it was your turn to let out a small chuckle.

“You have no idea.” You muffled out under your breath.

You heard a cart making its way around the corner of an aisle filled with toy soldiers and nutcrackers as you let out a sigh. Your mother’s head reared around the corner as she smiled.

“Look at all of this beautiful stuff I found. This store is amazing!” Your mother said rather loudly.

You covered your face as you watched Jacob round the counter to begin checking out your mother.

“Mom, you are being so loud.”

“Oh hush. I’m just enjoying your beautiful store.” She said, directing her attention towards Jacob.

Jacob gave her a wide smile. “I appreciate it! We love spreading Christmas cheer.”

Your mother began to unload the cart of Christmas decorations onto the conveyor belt as Jacob began to scan the items. Your mother made small talk with the boy, asking him about his parents, his brother, etc. You stared at your mother, realizing that she really visited this store more than she let on. The personal questions and conversation she was having with the boy you were meeting for the very first time made you frown. You have been missing so much due to your own heartbreak, you could’ve been meeting new people, making new friends.

“Jacob, do you have any plans for Christmas? I know your family is traveling to see your brother.” Your mom asked.

You lifted your head, clearing the negative thoughts that were starting to creep in. Jacob shook his head with a smile.

“Working.” He said softly.

“On Christmas?” You asked, surprising not only your mother but yourself considering you would rather work on Christmas than celebrate it.

Jacob nodded. “Someone’s gotta keep the store open. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who come in for last minute items on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. When every other store is closed, we’re their last resort.”

You frowned. You don’t know why, but you felt bad about the fact that Jacob would be working on Christmas instead of taking the day off. Your mother continued to chat with Jacob, letting him gently bag each item, taking the time to wrap the more delicate ones in pretty tissue paper decorated with candy canes. Your mother took the bags from him, handing them off to you as she pulled out your father’s credit card to pay the bill. Jacob had graciously given your mother a nice discount, noting that she is always his favorite customer making you wonder just how often your mother visits this store. She grabbed the final bags, heading for the door as you followed her before stopping.

“Hey, Jacob. Do you want some company here? You shouldn’t be alone on the holidays. Maybe I could come help you?” You asked softly.

He replied just as softly. “I’d love that.”

You gave him a smile, as you headed out the door to catch up with your mom.

Now that you had something to actually look forward to, the rest of the day dragged on. You didn’t think it would ever end, but when you got up this morning you were in an incredibly good mood. Your parents couldn’t help but point out how chipper you were this morning either.

“Someone has you really happy today,” Your mother started.

With a nod of your head, you grabbed a muffin for a quick breakfast. “I’ll be gone for most of the day. I should be home before dinner.”

Your parents could only nod, happy that you would be at least getting out of the house instead of spending the entire vacation locked in your room.

The car ride downtown to the small Christmas shop was short, but with how much you were anticipating seeing Jacob again, it made the ride seem all that much longer. When you pulled into the parking lot, you parked next to the only other car there.

The roads were almost completely empty, aside from people pulling sleds in the deep snow on the sidewalks. You turned your car off, getting out and locking the door behind you as you headed towards the entrance of the store.

You noticed Jacob laying out empty cups by a small hot chocolate station. He laid out candy canes, whipped cream, and marshmallows, setting them all up in a certain way. Smiling to yourself, you opened the door to the shop as you let the little overhead bell ring above you, alerting Jacob of your arrival.

He turned from his spot by the hot chocolate station as you waved.

“Hey! You made it!” Jacob said excitedly.

You giggled with a nod as Jacob reached an arm behind the counter. He pulled a green Santa hat with fancy, red decorations adorning it with him as he handed it to you.

“Since it’s your first day, I won’t make you wear the elf ears. However, I can’t say no to the hat. This is nonnegotiable.”

He hands the hat to you as you quietly put it on before striking a pose.

“How do I look?” You asked.

Jacob could only laugh. “Do I dare say it was made for you?”

You and him laughed as he led you around the store. He let you in on different products, the stuff that sells the best and the worst, the regular customers (no surprise your mom was on the list), and so much more.

“The store will be slow most of the time. I usually take that time to just sit in the back until the bell rings.” He said.

You looked at the door behind the counter as you spoke. “What’s in the back?”

Jacob grinned. “My little hideaway. You might like it; not as much Christmas back there.”

His comment made heat rise to your neck and cheeks as he continued to explain stuff to you. You tried your hardest to focus on what he was saying, but you would be lying if you claimed that you heard anything that came out of his mouth. Jacob was just too damn handsome for his own good. He wasn’t necessarily the tallest, but he definitely wasn’t short. He had broad shoulders that lead down to a slim waist and long legs. His face had a more squared off look than an angular one. His jawline was impeccable. He had full lips that were constantly hidden by the beautiful smile he was consistently flashing to everyone. You couldn’t lie, though. The best thing about Jacob, in your opinion, was his kindness. You hadn’t known him long, but his heart was so pure. He was nothing but kind to everyone he came in contact with, and you came up with all of this information in just one and a half days.

“So that’s pretty much all there is to it. A pretty easy gig, right?” Jacob asked.

You just stared at him for a moment before shaking your head slightly, snapping out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh yeah. Sure sounds like it.” You replied.

Jacob stared back at you, a sly smile making its way to his face. “Well, let’s get you settled on the register then.”

Jacob led you back through the store, which seemed a lot bigger inside than it looked on the outside. You let him lead you again as he pulled out a stool, motioning for you to sit. He showed you all the usual steps to do in order to check out a customer before officially opening the store.

The day went by rather slow. You and Jacob really got to know each other due to the slowness. He told you more about his family, more about his brother, who he looks up to a lot.

“He’s my best friend. We are inseparable when we’re together. We talk everyday when we’re apart.” Jacob told you with a smile.

The statement made you smile. Being an only child meant that you had to get creative when it came to finding people to talk to every day. You loved your parents, but you could only talk to them so much in a day.

“Do you have siblings?” Jacob asked.

You shook your head. “I have a best friend named Chanhee. He’s like my brother. We talk all the time, he’s my roommate, we have all the same classes. I adore that boy.”

Jacob nodded with a small smile, continuing to watch out the shop windows for a customer as you just continued to watch the gingerbread clock tick away ever so slowly.

As the day came to an end, you helped Jacob box up certain things. He packed up the hot chocolate station, making you a cup for the road before setting everything in the back room. Jacob helped you close out the register, and you helped him sweep up the fake snow that had fallen off the fake Christmas trees in front of the store. He grabbed a ring of keys before pulling that hat he had on for his head, revealing his dark brown hair that fell every which way after being confined in a hat all day long. You both walked to the door, letting Jacob set an alarm hidden behind a picture frame before he walked out with you behind him. He turned to lock the doors before walking you to your car.

“Aside from it being really slow, which I apologize for, how was your first day?” Jacob asked sweetly.

You smiled at him. “I had a lot of fun, Jacob. You kept me good company.”

Jacob smiled at your statement. “Hopefully I’ll see you back here again then.”

“Definitely.”

Jacob opened your car door for you, allowing you to get situated before closing the door gently. You watched him trudge through the slightly fresh snow on the ground to his own car. He got in, quickly turning it on before looking out his window to wave to you.

The week before Christmas went exactly like this. You would get up in a good mood, grab a muffin, drive to the Christmas Shop, and sit for six hours with Jacob. You had to admit; you were having a lot of fun. He was funny. Really funny. He didn’t try too hard. You remembered always forcing laughter when it comes to Sunwoo and his jokes. They were okay, but they weren’t knock-your-socks-off funny.

Something else about Jacob? He was an incredible singer. During a particularly slow part of your fourth day working at the Christmas shop, Jacob brought you to the back room. It was almost like a small in and out apartment. There was a pull out couch, a flat screen tv, and a coffee table neatly set up. There was a counter against the back wall that held a mini fridge, a microwave, air fryer, and a coffee maker. In the corner not occupied by anything, was a beautiful dark redwood acoustic guitar. He left the back door open to keep an eye on the front of the store as he strummed a beautiful tune, singing ever so softly to you. You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Why haven’t you taken on a singing career?” You asked him curiously.

Jacob smiled as he continued to softly play the guitar. “As much as I adore music, I never really felt like I was destined for that kind of life. I like what I’ve got going here.”

“Just working at a Christmas shop? This is what you like?” You asked, a tilt of your head to emphasize your questions.

Your question caught Jacob off guard. What you didn’t know was that no one in his family would ever hold him back, but he would hold himself back. He had his reasons for not wanting to pursue a music career despite everyone telling him to. He had never ever talked to anyone about said problems. You, however, seemed different. He wanted to tell you everything. Instead, he stuck with asking some hard hitting questions himself.

“Why do you hate Christmas so much?” Jacob asked.

Your head straightened at his question. You had never had someone straight out ask you about your dislike of Christmas.

“I don’t.”

Jacob raised an eyebrow as he stopped playing. “You don’t?”

You shook your head. “I don’t particularly like Christmas, but I don’t hate it. I know I say I do, but I don’t think I ever really could. Plus working here with you has made me regain some love for it.”

He grinned at your comment before lifting his index, wiggling it at you. “While I appreciate the compliment, you aren’t getting off that easily.”

A sigh escaped your lips as you took a deep breath. “I didn’t always hate Christmas. In fact, I used to love it. The decorations, the weather, the movies. All of it. Then I met my ex, and things changed.”

You looked at Jacob who had a solemn look in his dark brown eyes, silently begging for you to continue.

“He became my entire world. I would have done anything for him, but clearly he wouldn’t have done the same. It’s stupid really. All my friends told me he was bad news and I never listened. I believed him over them. I always took his side and two holidays ago, our first Christmas together, he cheated on me. Come to find out he had been for a really long time,” You stopped to take in a breath, feeling a tear roll down your cheek. “I was devastated. He ruined my Christmas, and I let that suck the joy for the holiday right out of me.”

Jacob handed you a tissue as you dabbed at your face. You shook your head.

“I’m so stupid.”

“No you’re not. There’s nothing stupid about being in love with someone. What’s stupid is said person being dumb enough to actually take advantage of you. You deserve better.” Jacob said quietly.

A small, shy smile made its way to your face.

He watched you before speaking again. “I’m sorry that that happened to you. You deserve so much better, truly. If it makes you feel any better, I adore spending this little bit of time that we spend together. You make the day more fun. I have someone to talk to, to share stories with. I don’t have to talk to the toy soldiers anymore. I felt like they might have started to talk back had you not asked to help out.”

You let out a loud laugh. “It does make me feel better. Actually, working here makes me feel like I’m getting my Christmas spirit back. I have had the absolute best time this vacation. Which is a first for me because I was really expecting to just shove my face with my moms sugar cookies and drown myself in hot chocolate while watching sad romance movies.”

This time Jacob laughed out loud.

“Your mom’s sugar cookies are amazing!” Jacob let out.

You both laughed at his statement as a comfortable silence fell over the both of you. The day went by pretty fast after that. You both did your normal closing routines, becoming a good team when it came to picking up the store. This time, you set the alarm and locked the door. Jacob, like he did every night, walked you to your car to make sure you were safe.

As he opened the door, he spoke. “I have another question.”

You nodded, urging him to continue.

“I really like doing this with you.”

You smiled, before teasing him. “That’s not a question, Jacob.”

Jacob chuckled. “You’re right, and neither is this.”

As soon as you noticed him leaning in, your eyes closed. You braced for impact and it was the softest impact ever made. His lips were almost feather-like, they were so soft. Your mouth moved in sync with his as you brought your hands up to the back of his neck, willing him to move closer. Jacob’s hands landed at your waist, doing exactly what you hoped for as he pulled you closer.

Jacob pulled away first, letting you both catch your breath as your eyes fluttered open. You felt like you were flying right now. Jacob’s kiss had riding a high you had definitely never experienced before. Your eyes trailed up to his as he gave you a shy smile.

“That wasn’t a question. You are correct about that, but I definitely liked it.” You whispered into the cold air.

He chuckled as he stepped back from you. He gave you another kiss, this time on the cheek as he whispered a soft goodbye to you before heading towards his car. You watched him walk away before yelling out to him.

“Jacob!”

The boy stopped in his tracks, turning around almost instantly.

“Do you want to join my family for Christmas dinner tomorrow?”

A smile broke out onto his face as he nodded. “I’d love that!”

You couldn’t help but let a big smile make its way to your face as you lit up. He gave you another wave before getting into his car. Watching him pull out of the parking lot, you felt oddly giddy over the fact that you were actually looking forward to a Christmas event for the first time in almost a year.

Just like every morning so far this week, you woke up in a very good mood on Christmas day. You ran down the stairs, ready to eat breakfast, open your gifts and get the day started. Your parents handed out gifts, setting them in groups in front of each of you. Tearing into your gifts, you neatly piled everything up before heading upstairs. You felt a tad bit guilty considering you rushed through the gifts, but you couldn’t help yourself. You were so excited to see Jacob. You wanted this dinner to be perfect. After what’s been growing between the two of you to the kiss just last night, you wanted to see where this would go. You had never felt this way about anyone.

The shower you took was long, considering you practiced what you were going to say to Jacob over and over as if you were giving a speech after winning the nobel prize. You were nervous to say the least. After turning into a raisin due to standing in the shower for so long, you finally got out to dry yourself off. You went through your skin care routine as usual before walking into your room. The air hitting your skin was cool as you picked out an outfit.

As you laid the clothes out on your bed you noticed a photo on your photo board. It was hidden behind photos of your cousins and friends. It was a picture of you and Sunwoo, after your first date. He had insisted on taking a photo to capture the moment because he felt as though he had ‘never met anyone like you’. You had hid the photo after what he did to you, but now, you didn’t want to hide it anymore. You pulled the tack that was holding it off the board. The photo slid before you caught it, letting your fingers run over the photo. For once, you didn’t feel sad looking at the photo. In fact, you didn’t feel anything.

You brought the photo with you and laid it on your bed. Throwing your clothes on, you grabbed the photo and headed to the office your parents had. There was a small paper shredder underneath the computer desk that you pulled out and plugged in. The machine started to hum as you looked over the photo again. You weren't the same person in this photo anymore, and boy was Chanhee going to be so proud about what you were about to do.

“Goodbye Sunwoo.” You said to yourself.

You dropped the photo into the top of the shredder, listening to the machine growl and grind the photo up. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. You let out a content sigh as you unplugged the machine and headed back downstairs to spend time with your parents.

The day dragged on for you, and to be honest, you hated it. When late afternoon rolled around, you started to get butterflies in your stomach. Your mother was putting finishing touches on Christmas dinner when there was a knock on the door. You jumped up from the couch, practically gliding to the door as you pulled it open. Jacob held a bouquet of pretty flowers in his hand as he smiled. He was looking insanely handsome, but you could tell that he was also extremely nervous. Well that made two of you.

“Hi,” You breathed out.

Jacob’s face lit up at the sound of your voice. “Hi.”

You two just stood at the door, basking in each other’s glory before you heard your mom speak.

“Well don’t make him freeze. Invite the boy in!”

You snapped out of your little school girl crush trance as you stepped off to the side, allowing Jacob to enter. That’s when you noticed the wrapped gifts he was holding off to the side of himself.

He handed you the roses, leaning down just slightly to peck your cheek as he whispered to you. “You look beautiful.”

A shy smile popped up on your face as he pulled back to hug your parents. Your mom took the gifts from him, laying them on the coffee table. She pulled him into the dining room, practically pushing him into a chair as you followed. You sat across from him, while your parents continued to run around the kitchen to finish everything. Jacob turned to watch them before turning back to you.

“Do they need help?” He pointed towards your parents.

You shook your head with a laugh. “Not at all. Trust me, they’re fine.”

Jacob nodded. He looked over at you before speaking again.

“I couldn't stop thinking about you. I know that’s crazy to say, but that kiss was magical.”

You leaned forward, practically laying on the table in an attempt to get closer to Jacob, and he was doing the same thing.

“I’m glad you said it. I’ll be honest with you, though. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met.” You told him.

Jacob leaned closer as his eyes flickered down to your lips. You couldn’t fight back the smile as you, too, leaned in closer. Just when it seemed your lips were about to touch, your mother called out.

“Jacob, sweetie, I hope you’re hungry! I made a lot of food.”

You let out a little sigh of frustration as you and Jacob backed off of each other. Your mother and father began carrying food out to the table as they laid it all out in front of you two. The next hour and a half was absolute torture for you. The only thing you could do was sneak adoring glances at Jacob from across the table as your parents chatted his ears off.

If you thought the two of you were being subtle with the glances you were totally wrong. When dinner was done, your father brought Jacob into the living room so you could help your mom clear the table. You watched your dad grab a gift that Jacob had brought as they both talked, smiles on both of their faces.

“So, when were you going to tell me that you and Jacob are dating?” Your mom asked from behind you, hands shoved into soapy dish water.

You turned to her. “Dating? Mom, Jacob and I aren’t dating.”

She chuckled. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Letting out a sigh, you leaned into one of the counters across from her, effectively blocking your view of Jacob and your father.

“We aren’t dating. We’ve kissed, though.”

Your mother gasped excitedly, pulling her hands out of the water to clap. You laughed as she created tiny bubbles in the air from the suds clinging to her skin.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted you to meet him. I was always hesitant to introduce the two of you because of, well,” Your mom trailed off.

She didn’t need to finish for you to know who she was talking about.

“I know. I’m glad you introduced us this year though. For the first time in a long time, I’ve enjoyed Christmas.” You told her.

She smiled as someone knocked on the counter. You both turned towards Jacob who had a wrapped present in his hand.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I got you a gift.” His hand reaches out to you in an attempt to extend the Christmas present.

Your mom smiled. “I’ll give you two a minute.”

As she slipped past Jacob, he watched her leave before looking back at you.

“Go ahead. Open it.”

You chuckled at his urgency as you tore the wrapping paper, giving way to a blank cardboard box. You set it on the counter, opening the top of the box. Your eyes widened slightly as you pulled styrofoam out of the box.

“Jacob, you didn’t.” You whispered as the boy smiled.

Pulling the styrofoam apart, there was a beautiful, antique snow globe sitting in front of you. The bottom of the snow globe was gold with red and silver accents. A molded design of Santa and his reindeer going across the gold base. The globe itself was crystal clear, and it had the Christmas shop planted in the middle of it with a tiny gingerbread man standing outside waving. When you shook it, the globe lit up in all sorts of pretty colors as the snow fell around the structure. You had been eyeballing the snow globe since you walked into the shop, constantly mentioning how pretty it was. The kicker was that with it being an antique, it was pricey. So you opted for admiring it from afar.

“I figured I owe you one. You kept me from going insane. I’d never admit this, but you’re right. It does get boring there when it’s slow.”

You giggled. “Took you long enough to admit it.”

Jacob stepped closer. “Well, you kept me company. You are definitely not boring.”

Looking up from the snowglobe, you smiled at the boy. “Jacob, this is beautiful and amazing. Thank you.”

He nodded. “You’re amazing.”

There was no hesitation this time as Jacob leaned in to kiss you. He brought his hands to your waist, not wanting to be any farther apart from you than he already was. Your hands rested on his chest as you pulled apart, leaning your forehead against his.

“Now I feel bad,” You stated, making the boy look at you with a confused look. “I didn’t get you anything.”

He threw his head back with a laugh. “You most definitely got me something. This has probably been the best Christmas I’ve ever had, and that’s because of you. So thank you.”

“So,” You said, bringing your hands up to wrap around his neck. “I guess this means we’re dating now?”

Jacob chuckled. “Woah! At least let me take you on a date first.”

He pecked your lips before pulling away, keeping a firm grip on your hand. You grabbed the snowglobe as he led you into the family room where your parents were. Sitting on the couch, he wrapped an arm around you as he pecked your forehead. You smiled to yourself as you snuggled into the boy’s side. This Christmas was definitely going in the memory books.

[mixsethaddams]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @mojowitchcraft

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Twenty as of right now

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 293,097. I know there's a lot of writers who'll get to that same level with one or two of their long fics but it's still a lot for me 😅

3. What fandoms do you write for? Just Stranger Things these days

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The Bartender Was A Trap with 2135, Eddie/Hotdude Official Megathread! with 1887, Slither with 1360, Could you coo, could you care? with 1202, and good to me with 1004.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? As often as I can! It means a lot when people take the time to leave comments. I mostly don't reply when someone is trying to 'well actually...' me about something though

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't tend to write a lot of sad endings or angst for actual fics. I have some posts on here that have sad endings though. Maybe this one probably that I'd written for febuwhump is the saddest/most angsty?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I only write happy endings! But definitely either Slither or wasted crying . There were people cheering for those ones

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yeah I got a lot of hate from some people about crushcrushcrush because of the Eddie/Chrissy relationship tag. This version of the characters was in an unhappy and, as we later find out, mutually toxic relationship and I had maybe two or three chapters planned out to explore how it got to that point between them and have her as a much bigger character. I folded under a lot of really horrible things being said to me in anon asks here and guest comments on ao3, and cut it down to a single chapter with everything crammed in, reduced her character down to (as I refer to her) a cardboard cutout pantomime villain, and took the tag off. I wish I had have been able to just brush it off and plow through to give the story the chance it deserved, but I'm still glad I was able to do what I did with it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do indeed. I claim not to, but let's be honest with ourselves. Its entirely mlm right now but I do have some wlw written and hidden away. I haven't written straight boy/girl sex in a very long time but I have some that I want to do as part of a series of follow ups to The magic number

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't! But I do think that Eddie Munson would spit in Gator Tillman's mouth the first chance he got.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have, yes. That's entirely why I created my whole online 'persona' and started trying to show some sort of presence. I had a few too many things taken and claimed as someone else's and I just got sick of it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No! The opportunity would be a lot of fun though, with the right person

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Honestly Steddie. It's the only one that's held my attention for so long

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a really cute Farmer's Market AU for Steddie but I can't find a way to tell the story I want to with it

16. What are your writing strengths? I'm good at characterizations

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Sometimes I over describe things because I myself have trouble visualising it or making a link between point A and point B and assume the reader would too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've never tried it because I know I'd be relying so heavily on google translate and I don't want it to sound jarring or stilted.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ...Green Day RPF.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Slither has a very special place in my heart obviously. When He Loved Me was a cathartic and freeing way to help myself work through various things while telling the story. I also need to give a shoutout to my first Stranger Things fic, which was an Eddie/OFC story called What happens next? based in canon after Vecna is beaten. I really love the story I told there and I really like the way I wrote Eddie especially. It's cute and fun and I'm proud of it.

zero pressure tags:

@henderdads @infinite-orangepeel @steddielations @thorniest-rose @eddywoww @steddierthings @lexirosewrites @3minsover

[gaypleasantview]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

i was tagged by @annieshowell and @profesionalpartyguest, thanks frens! <3

are you named after anyone? i have a beautiful ethnic name and its not after anyone but just bc my mom liked it, she originally wanted to call me another similar name but my stupid asshole of a father said that name is used for a different gender normally so they ended up with one that has both feminine and masculine forms established. these names still have gendered endings like most in my culture do but i legitimaly never saw anyone of my assigned-at-birth gender rock that other name so it would be such a fucking gender slay if i had it. also they were expecting me to be born as another gender anyway so

when was the last time you cried? hmm im a crybaby in general so hard to remember. i cried a lot tuesday evening when watching eurovision whenever anything about my country came up 🥲 (i also accidentally hit my head on the wall out of excitement when they showed a landmark of my city) also yesterday bc i was super sick

do you have kids? no and i dont have opinion on whether i want one bc i like them but having one may be too much. we'll see in the future

do you use sarcasm a lot? i used to actually do it way more (bc im a passive aggressive bitch) but now i realize i mostly stopped after i started hanging out more with people that dont exactly read it well

what sports do you play/have you played? i used to dance as a kid but i hated it (i have a vivid memory of how we got bon voyage and i really wanted to play it but i had to go to a dance lesson and leave my sister with the game i was soo upset) i also used to do yoga as a teen and now i dont do anything doctors hate me

what’s the first thing you notice about other people? hair tbh. also probably facial expressions bc i try to understand if they are angry or not

scary movies or happy endings? i dont watch scary movies and i like sweet endings

any special talents? i have that thing where you can move some parts of your body further than most people can and i used to scare people with that. but i dont think its really that abnormal

where were you born? Kyiv <3 my love. i havent been there for more than a year after leaving abruptly and its breaking my heart to even see pictures

what are your hobbies? honestly i dont do anything interesting, i just follow whatever hyperfixation has a hold over me currently. also i write a bit i guess but i wouldnt consider it a hobby. its complicated

do you have any pets? never had one :( i am allergic to kitties but i really want one in the future because im a huge fan

how tall are you? about 168 cm

fave subject in school? algebra <3 i sucked at school but i had math for about 12 times a week so i had to step it up there

dream job? something that could actually bring me joy (or at least not distress me)

eye colour? hazel

im tagging @blueybells and anyone who wants to do it, sorry im not tagging anyone else personally its just too awkward for me 😭

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, August 8th, 2024.

what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you're currently interested in? I'm not romantically interested in anyone at this time.

if you were to leave the house right now, would you change your outfit all? Yeah. I did wear it to go grocery shopping earlier, but I will be showering and changing before going to lunch with my parents.

when was the last time something really cute happened to you? It didn't really happen to me exactly, but last Tuesday, the woman who adopted Sammy and Bella Donna (two kitties at the shelter) sent in a kitty gift package. The text on the envelope was so cute; it said, "To open, chew along the dotted lines." :') Gifts included some cat-safe long-lasting bubbles, a whole bunch of fuzzballs and these little plastic guns to shoot them, and these really cool misting brushes (you fill up the reservoir, turn them on, and they mist while you brush). Paris was going around giving all the cats "~secret baths~," lmao.

why aren't you texting the last person you kissed? They aren't part of my life.

has anything happened to you within the past month that's made you really happy? Again, this didn't happen to me as much as it was something I did, but becoming a full-time volunteer at the animal shelter. I'm amazed at how well my body is holding up to the oftentimes 10+ hour days. I pretty much already knew my mental health could handle it, but my physical abilities were the real question. At this point, in order to make the jump to being fully employed, I feel like all I really have to do is get my migraines under much better control.

do you want to see someone right now? Not right this second.

did a boy or girl text message you last? The last person to text me was my dad.

when was the last time something bothered you? Ehh. Something is almost always bothering me, at least on some level. Nothing major at the moment, though. Just vague fears, thoughts, frustrations…

what was the last thing you looked up on YouTube? I was watching a Zachary Michael video just before taking this survey. After a lengthy drought, Gorl World is experiencing a veritable flood of drama. I can hardly keep up!

have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? No.

did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? Yeah.

what exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? I wasn't heavily intoxicated, but I had a few sample beers at the fundraising event I went to a couple of weeks ago.

do you actually love your parents? Yes. My dad is my favorite person in the whole world. My relationship with my mom is stable but still complicated, but I would say I love her as well.

have you ever had a school picture turn out absolutely dreadful? Naw. I might have hated them at the time, but looking back, there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

are you more prone to being the social butterfly, or the wallflower? I'm more of a wallflower because I'm super shy and sometimes find it difficult to relate to other people because of my life's strange trajectory, but I think I'm a social person at heart. I was wondering the other day if it was possible to be both shy and an extrovert, and I realized those two things don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. I might not know how to open up to or connect with other people, but I still find myself energized by positive social interactions. Even though the animal shelter can be kind of crazy, it's still like this gives me LIFE.

would you rather go to a katy perry or taylor swift concert? Neither.

have you ever thrown up from working out? I've thrown up on backpacking trips. However, while physical exertion was obviously involved, it was probably more related to migraines/altitude sickness.

what pattern do the sheets on your bed have? They're just plain gray.

are your days full and fast-paced? Some of them are full, some are more in the middle, and my days off are pretty lowkey (those days typically only involve cleaning, grocery shopping, therapy, maybe a movie with my mom or a trip to the Mountain Park with my dad).

what languages can you count to ten or higher in? English and German.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? Walmart.

are you good with painting nails with your left hand? I'm not good at painting my nails period.

do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Yeah. It just icks me out.

have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I've been through it. Life is so much easier now and maybe that's why I can be so chill about so much. I felt like I was in hell before, so this is nothing in comparison.

have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? No.

do you spend more time outside or inside? Inside.

would you rather give up the computer or the tv? TV. I don't even watch regular television as it is.

do you own any fake designer purses? No.

who was the last person you were with that smelled really good? I'm not sure.

do you think braces are sexy? No. I don't think they're ugly, but I don't think they're attractive either.

what were you for halloween in first grade? I have no idea.

last person to make you seriously mad? Maybe my dad, but it's been a long time since I've been seriously upset with him.

don't you hate when people have cell phones but never answer them? Lol. I am that person. My phone is always set to silent (unless I'm actually expecting a call - then I'll turn up the volume so I don't miss it). It's one of the things I had to explain to my mom - like, aside from listening to YouTube videos, my phone is little more than an afterthought. I've had to get used to the notion that someone might actually try to contact me. A couple of weeks ago, it was an absolute miracle that I caught the text from Alex asking if I could come in to the shelter that afternoon to fill in while she took a cat to the vet.

who have you recently made up with after fighting? No one.

what kind of toothpaste do you use? I think it's Aim…idk.

last thing you bought at the grocery store? A bunch of stuff - including the doughnuts I wanted to get for tomorrow.

what were you doing this morning at 1am? Sleeping.

funniest name you have ever heard? Idk.

what could someone do to irritate you? Hmm.

have you used a tissue today? No.

the last person that slept in your bed gets arrested, what do you do? Nothing. I wouldn't even know about it.

what color hair does your mom have? Greying brown.

when people ask "how are you?" do you say "good" even if you aren't? Yep. Unless you're my dad or my therapist (and sometimes my mom), I'm always "good." ;D

honestly, did you really love the last person you said i love you to? Yeah.

when was the last time you were told you were cute? No idea.

how was your friday? Good. I was at the animal shelter all day.

when is the last time you were in a swimming pool? Not since I was a teen.

did you speak to your father today? Yeah.

what was the last thing you drank? Coffee.

is there anyone you want to come see you? No.

how did you wake up this morning? I just woke up naturally.

[jungkxook]

—make it right. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader 

⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / exes-to-lovers au / angst / smut

⟶ words: 11,528

⟶ rating: 18+ 

⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

⟶ warnings: jungkook has a tongue piercing, oral sex because of said tongue piercing (fem!recieving), more tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty pining clingy sex, also just general soft sex, crying sex lol, riding, creampie, slight praise kink themes, unprotected sex

⟶ disclaimer: here’s my one year blog anniversary present inspired by the first ever fic i posted on here! yes this is technically a sequel to melomaniac but not really. sort of like an alternate universe to the alternate universe but you don’t really have to read one or the other to understand the other. so, i hope you enjoy!

⟶ this is part of the melodrama tour series!

You swear you’re over Jungkook.

In fact, you would even go so far as to say you hate him ━ but you know that’s not true. It’s just that it’s much easier to believe that if you tell yourself you hate him enough times, then maybe you’ll find a way to fix your broken heart, and the pain in his absence won’t hurt so bad. 

As it turns out, it hardly works.

Seven months since he had left you to travel the world with his band, basking in promised eternal glory and fame and money, and yet even miles and oceans away from where you stand, he’s all you can think about. There’s a myriad of reasons as to why trying to forget him was an useless endeavour. The hardships of trying to forget a cherished life-long friendship you had grown accustomed to was one of them, and those lingering happy moments you had shared with him as lovers however fleeting they may be was another. But then there was the ever present fact that Jungkook and his band were so quick to rise to fame, their names far exceeding the seemingly cramped and small city you had both reigned from, and suddenly the boy you had known forever, and everything special that makes him, was now being shared to hundreds of millions of adoring fans.

You were certain it was all Jungkook ever wanted, the added attention and the pretty girls fawning over him, because he had always been a casanova in many ways despite always promising you that you were the only one for him even before you had started dating. You had told him it wouldn’t work ━ I trust you as my best friend, you had said in a moment of despair, grasping at straws. I don’t have to worry about you breaking my heart. But I don’t know if I can trust you as my boyfriend ━ far before he and his band had been signed to their record label and paraded around the world, when they were still practicing in rented storage units and friends’ garages and rundown local studios, playing gigs anywhere and everywhere from dingy bars to college campus parties, supporting him every step of the way if only because he was your best friend, and he had been so persistent that it would work, chasing after you even when you tried to push him away. I would treat you right, he had urged so ardently late one drunken night after stumbling back to his apartment. I already practically worship the ground you walk on.

And how could you ━ who had already been so madly in love with him but scared of him breaking your heart, scared of losing him, scared of this happening ━ ever resist him? He made love seem so easy, and maybe that’s because it was when you were with him. But now, he was no longer yours; now, he was the world’s, and you were nothing but a mere hazy fragmented memory in his mind, long forgotten, watching from the side of the stage much like you always had from the very start of it all.

“Hey, isn’t this that band?” Jihyo’s voice bursts through your wandering trail of thoughts.

It takes you a moment to recollect yourself, finding yourself not in the arms of an ex-lover or stuck in a bygone time of months past, but in the cosy and amiable café nearest your campus and frequented by a plethora of your fellow peers. You’re fortunate to find that your other group mates have also become sidetracked, trailing far from the assignment you were all supposed to be working on. Dahyun is perched beside you, chin nestled in the palm of her hand and elbow propped on the table as she scrolls aimlessly through her phone; Jihyo and Taeyong were sat across from you, gossiping fervently about some mutual friend of theirs. You hadn’t known the pair long enough to know much about them or the tragic affair of whoever Mina is for accepting her cheating boyfriend back for the second time, and, likewise, they seem oblivious to your own self-wallowing once you realize what’s caught Jihyo’s sudden attention.

You hear his voice first.

It’s easy to discern, even after all this time and even amongst the muffled chatter and clanking of porcelain and cutlery of those seated around you. The sweet, velvety lull of Jungkook singing throughout the café from the overhead speakers, pretty upbeat melodies and synths mixed with wistful words making up the song he had written for you before he left, before the fame and fans, as a way of telling you how he truly felt about you. It feels like a dream, and maybe that’s because it is, bringing you instantly to another time, and another world. You still remember him showing you the unfinished song for the very first time, curled up next to him in his living room, listening to him serenade you to sleep, humming in places where he hadn’t formed the words yet, strumming along with his acoustic. It was yours and his until he showed the world almost a year ago on their very first show at the Seoul Olympic Stadium in front of thousands of people, as a final desperate act of proclaiming his love for you after a disastrous attempt at a first date that he had begged from you. Just one, he pleaded. To prove it to you that I can be a good boyfriend. And if things don’t work out, we can pretend it never happened and just go back to being us. That’s a promise.

At the time, you had treasured the song. It was beautiful in every way, his love transcending his words and enveloping your heart in pure warmth.

Now, you hate it.

It’s the third time you’ve heard the song that day. Despite avoiding it as best as you could, it seems to find a way to make itself known in your daily life like the nagging nuisance it is. Because fate seemed to enjoy its sadistic behaviour of having the song be one of the main reasons Jungkook and his band had skyrocketed to fame in such a short span of time and, suddenly, Jungkook disappearing from your life meant little when his voice remained as a constant reminder of what could have been, what couldn’t have been, and what fell apart at the already fragile seams. And what was a proclamation of love to you turned into nothing but a fabled tale of lovers. You wonder if people who hear it ever think about where they’ve gone, or who they’ve turned into, or if their love was made to last. You wonder, above all else, if people ever think about it at all.

“Beyond the Scene, right?” Taeyong asks. He seems just as animated to be discussing the song as Jungkook’s voice fades into Jimin’s.

“God, I love this song. It’s so dreamy,” Jihyo lets out a longing sigh as she slumps against her seat. “Y’know, I’m seeing them this Friday. It’s their first time being back in, like, five months.”

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get tickets to see them for months now!” Taeyong gaps incredulously. “How’d you score them?”

“A friend of a friend knows the guy who plays keys,” Jihyo says. “The cute mysterious one.”

“Yoongi, right?”

“Yeah━”

As the pair dive into a passionate discussion about the boys and their first full-length album released under their recently-signed-to label from Columbia Records, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Dahyun almost immediately straightens up, eyes flickering from the pair to you and back again. You’re both fortunate she’s there, having known your past with Jungkook, and despise it a little more, wondering what her pitying gaze must mean.

“Hey, Dahyun. Y/N.” Taeyong’s voice grabs your attention now. “What do you think of these guys? Didn’t some of them used to go to this school?”

“Yeah, I had a few classes with their drummer.” Dahyun waves her hand airly, swiftly brushing over the fact that she did far more than have a “few classes” with any of the boys but was also one of their closest friends. “I think they’re great━” She glances sideways at you one more time. “Hey, maybe we should get back to the assignment now━”

“I had a class with their lead guitarist, Jungkook, last year,” Jihyo continues, her excitement getting the best of her as Dahyun’s voice drowns out in the foreground.

“No way!” This dubious exclamation comes from Taeyong.

“I tried talking to him once but he totally blew me off,” Jihyo says. “Which is fine, because he’s still hot. If I had known he was gonna be a famous rockstar, I’d have tried asking him out a second time━”

Suddenly, you feel sick.

It’s odd to hear two strangers discuss Jungkook’s life while you’re seated across from them, as if you’re nothing more than an outsider to whoever Jungkook has become now. But you can’t stand it anymore. You’re certain you look insane to them when you push your seat back abruptly, the metal legs screeching against the floor as you stand.

“Whoa, what’s wrong━?” Taeyong starts to ask but you’re gone before he can finish the question, murmuring a half-hearted excuse about how you forgot you needed to be somewhere.

You’ve rounded on your heel and have fled from the café before anyone can try to stop you, with nothing but Jungkook’s mellifluous voice fading in the distance as he croons aloud for you in a time long since passed.

You don’t care. Besides, you’re sure Dahyun will cover for you.

The worst part of it all? The dreadful realization that sinks into your mind, and into your heart, beckons the question: who’s to say you aren’t a stranger now to Jungkook’s life altogether?

“So, what are you trying to say?”

You remember the moment so clearly despite wanting nothing more than to forget it all, and the pain associated with it. Because even from then you knew you would always be in love with Jungkook, but you couldn’t have him. It’s hard to remember whose fault it is this time that caused the sudden fight, though random little arguments had been a frequent occurrence nearing the end of your one year relationship more often than not. You hate blaming it all on him, because you were certain you were at fault too. Maybe a little bit wary at times, a little selfish, wanting him all to yourself. Even though you knew he has an obligation to the world, it still hurt when he started making promises he couldn’t keep, blowing you off for soundchecks, or spontaneous interviews, or record label meetings. More and more you could feel the both of you drifting apart, maybe without even meaning for it to happen.

It was just that Jungkook was destined for a lifetime of greatness, and you were starting to think that meant without you.

You had stopped him late one night after he had stumbled home from his and the band’s nightly studio sessions as they worked through recording their debut album as a signed band. Lately, it seemed as if that was all that Jungkook cared about, and while you knew the band meant the world to him and you would always support him in his endeavour, you couldn’t help but feel lesser in comparison. That, and you hated seeing the boy overwork himself to the point of near exhaustion every night if only because their label was so adamant about having the album finished before the month ended.

“You want to, what? Break up?” Jungkook asked, this time more incredulously and less dumbfounded as he had initially been. He didn’t believe you just yet, but you couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking anymore at that point.

“I just figured we could use some time apart,” You had suggested awkwardly. “Just a break.”

He had let out a breathless, disbelieving laugh. “Y/N, this is insane.”

You flinched. You remember having to look away, refusing to meet his suddenly sorrowful look. “Is it, Jungkook? I mean… Look at us. We’re falling apart. It was bound to happen eventually. We tried to make it work but maybe we’re on different paths now.”

“But I love you,” Jungkook gasped, exasperated. “Where is this coming from?”

“And I don’t want to have to tie you down for the rest of your life,” You continued on stubbornly, “or make you think you owe me your whole life just because you said you fell in love with me when you were thirteen━”

This seemed to catch Jungkook’s attention. He grew rigid in front of you, a look of wary agony contorting his face. “Is that what this is then? You don’t love me anymore?”

You didn’t respond immediately, instead the dread of the night seemed to finally catch up with you and you had grimaced. You had loved him even then, but the thought of voicing it aloud when you were supposed to be breaking up with him didn’t feel right. The tears began to swell in your throat and blur your vision. Jungkook must have noticed, because he always seems to spot the small things about you that even you miss. Almost instantly, the sour look on his face softened and his gaze turned helpless, with those big puppy-dog eyes that you’ve always been too fond of. He closed the distance between you at once, warm hands grabbing at your own.

“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He knew you were still in love with him ━ or maybe he’d just been hopeful. “I know you do. So then why are you breaking up with me?” 

He let go of one of your hands to reach up to your face, calloused fingers gentle and soft against your cheek as they brushed away a rogue tear you hadn’t realized had fallen from your lashes. For a moment, you had let yourself get carried away. You leaned into the comforting heat and touch of his palm as he cradled your face.

“Don’t━” You choked out after a moment of silence, hating when your voice splintered into a sob. “Don’t touch me. Please, Jungkook. You’re only going to make this harder.”

His hands sprang away from your face almost at once, as if he had just been burnt by scalding fire. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms but he had refrained the urge somehow, miraculously. So, instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as his arms fell limp at his sides.

“Then don’t do this. Don’t walk away,” Jungkook pleaded desperately. “I don’t understand. If you love me still, why are you making this harder for yourself?”

“Because what if that’s all we have in common anymore?” You asked wretchedly. “We care about each other. We always will. But you’re focused on the band, and this is my last year of school. Maybe we just need time to focus on ourselves.”

Jungkook blinked once. Twice. His stare was suddenly devoid of any emotion as he gawked at you, but you could tell that he was hurting. It was there in the fluttering of nerves in his jaw; there, in the way his lips pulled taut into a thin line; there, in the way even you could see his eyes begin to shimmer with wet tears that he unabashedly displays without trying to wipe away.

“So that’s it?” he asked. “After everything we’ve been through. You’re just gonna end it, like that? Y/N, come on━”

His hands had found purchase on your waist, and you had lingered for a moment too long; then, fumbling, he tried to grab delicately at your face, probing you to look at him. But you couldn’t. The moment you met his wounded gaze, you shook your head furiously. You had slithered out of his grasp, slipping through the seams of his fingers just like that.

“I━” You paused. “This isn’t some spur of the moment decision, Jungkook. How can you not see it? I’ve felt so alone these past few months. It’s like you’re here but not entirely. Your mind is always somewhere else, always thinking about the band and never about us.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he had asked hotly. “The band is my everything.”

“And what am I?” You asked. The question only mildly offended you, a shot right to your heart. Because if the band was his everything, what were you in comparison? “A distraction until you get everything you want? I can’t keep being that.”

“No!” he protested. “You’re not a distraction. You’re━” He stopped himself short, brows furrowing. “You can’t keep pinning this all on me. You just don’t trust me, do you? You never did. Always thinking I’m with some other girl when I’m not with you━”

“That’s not true,” You admonished.

“Isn’t it?” Jungkook retaliated.

“I don’t want to hear it,” You had said at once. Your tone was final, a decisive ending to your argument with him. “My mind’s already been made up, Jungkook. I don’t think we should see each other again until we sort all this out ━ or, until you sort out whatever your priorities are.”

Jungkook’s stare had hardened, a frown deeply etching into his face. He had straightened up then, perplexed and upset with your standoffish demeanour, as if thinking this surely meant nothing to you. But little did he know this would become one of the hardest decisions you would have to make.

“Fine,” he said rigidly. “If that’s how it is, then I’m gone. You’ll never have to see me again.”

You hadn’t known at the time just how terribly you had messed up ━ neither had Jungkook. He had left before you could stop him, or before either of you could change your minds. Because nothing’s worse than a broken heart, blinded by stubborn and defensive rage. Accusatory fingers and blaming him or you wouldn’t heal the wounds that had already formed, and ending things seemed to only make it worse, months of lonely heartache without Jungkook to further prove just that…

The last time you spoke to Jungkook, you told him you never wanted to see him again ━ or, at least, that seems to be how he interpreted it.

Now, you were standing in the midst of his domain, surrounded by everyone in his public sphere of friends and colleagues and acquaintances, and there was certainly no way of escaping him.

You were starting to think you’re losing mind, because you’d truly have to be insane to have worked up the nerve to agree to go with Dahyun to a party being held celebrating the band’s recent tremendous success and headlining their first world tour. Their manager, Jin, had personally reached out to you and Dahyun, calling you as a means of asking you to attend, though you had given him a timid and dismissive response at first. If it hadn’t been for Dahyun purposely and almost quite literally dragging you out under the premise that “even if you don’t want to see Jungkook, you at least owe it to the boys to go,” you don’t think you’d even be here. But while you didn’t know where you stood with Jungkook anymore, that didn’t mean you weren’t still proud of him or the rest of the boys. It just became harder to bask in their success with them when you had gone from knowing every detail of their lives, of Jungkook’s life, to knowing only what you could hear from gossiping fans around you, or plastered in tabloids, or all over any form of social media.

The party is held at some sort of fancy lavish restaurant, the entire back room rented out by the band’s record label and management, and is filled with dozens of people you don’t know. Fortunately, you and Dahyun aren’t left alone for very long, as an elated Jin and Jimin, the appointed lead singer, bustle their way through the crowd to you almost as soon as you arrive, leaving very little time for you to feel so awkward that you consider running away again. Jimin, in all his spritely and extravagant blue haired disposition, wastes no time in engulfing you both in a comforting hug as if months hadn’t passed since you’ve last seen them.

“Glad you guys could make it!” Jin smiles from over Jimin’s shoulder.

“It’s been forever,” Jimin affirms.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dahyun says. “I’m surprised you guys didn’t forget about us, considering you’re big rockstars now.”

“Rockstar is a bit of an overstatement.” An effortlessly charming smirk unfurls on Jimin’s face, which seems to immediately dazzle Dahyun. “Besides, we could never forget you. Hey, come with me to find the guys. I think we could all use some time to catch up━”

He places his hand on the small of Dahyun’s back as he guides her away, leaving you with Jin. A moment of silence passes, in which time you can feel the boy’s eyes lingering on you.

“He knows you’re coming tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jin says carefully, treading over his words lightly. It’s too painfully obvious who he’s talking about, though you’re fortunate he doesn’t bother mentioning Jungkook’s name anyway. “There’s no point in hiding. I think you should talk to him.”

“I━” You trail off uselessly, your voice croaking. Fearing an imminent breakdown, you shake your head. Then, holding your chin a little higher, Jin’s startled to hear you pretend as if he hadn’t said anything. “It really is good to see you guys again. If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink.”

And you’re gone once more before he can say anything else. On your lonesome, you find refuge at the bar, though you only order water because you’re certain you won’t be able to stomach anything stronger. You don’t know how long you spend there, blankly staring at a spot on the wall as your mind wanders everywhere and yet nowhere at all until━

“Y/N?”

There it is again. The familiar sound of his voice, only this time it’s much more attainable, closer to your world and not elsewhere so high in the clouds like a hopeful dream. You brace yourself before turning to face him.

This close, Jungkook looks breathtakingly and painfully beautiful.

As always, he’s adorned in all black, the first few buttons of the silky blouse he’s wearing left undone so that it teases the exposed flesh of his collarbones and the rose tattoo that inks his chest, the thorny stems crawling up the side of his neck just below his ear, accompanied by a pair of leather pants. He’s the same as ever. The same imperfect tattoos that decorate his fingers and arms that you’ve always loved, the same ring-clad fingers painted a chipped black, the same hoop accentuating his button nose. His hair is still his natural dark ebony color (something he’s seemed to stick with much more as of late despite dyeing it wild colours throughout his past), only it’s a little longer than you last remembered, and the sides of his head are shaved in the form of an undercut. You’re foolishly surprised to find he still looks the same, but almost a year away from someone can both change nothing and yet everything all at once.

“Jungkook…” You want to say something more, but your words fall short.

It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or upset at seeing you there, but you don’t think he’s either, and you have an inkling of a thought that he purposely sought you out amongst the many faces. Instead, he looks hesitant, apprehensive, as if dreading how you’ll respond to see him. As if you’ll yell at him, push him away. You do neither, fortunately.

Just when the dense silence starts to become almost unbearable, Jungkook clears his throat. “I━ Wow… You look great.”

You blink once, a flustered blush warming your face that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Oh. Thank you. You do, too.”

His eyes flicker over your presence as he nods absentmindedly. Then, he’s offering you a pretty smile, soft and sweet in nature. No malice, or ill-intent. “Um━ How have you been?”

You hate this. You hate the awkward pauses, the prolonged periods of silence. A year ago, even despite knowingly pining for one another, your moments alone with Jungkook were never so terrible. He always found a way to say something cheekily flirtatious even when you were just friends, if only because he knew it would make you blush and giggle because, no matter how many times you would roll your eyes or nudge his sides, he also knew you secretly loved it. All the inside jokes, the milestones shared together, the ardent fleeting touches ━ where did it all go? And while you were both noticeably trying to maintain the peace and pleasantry between one another, it didn’t feel the same. It felt forced, fake. Distracted.

“I’ve been good,” You lie. “How about you? Actually, don’t answer that━” You let out a breathless chuckle. “You’ve clearly been doing amazing. I mean, your album, and your world tour. And tomorrow you’ve got a big day with the hometown show. I heard it sold out in the first ten minutes.”

“Something like that,” Jungkook says modestly. “It’s been kind of crazy. Namjoon says it’s good, but I miss━ I just miss a lot of how it used to be. The slow pace. I dunno. The quick burn up is quick to burn out, right?”

“Maybe,” You admit. “But I think you’ve all got it in you. You’ve worked so hard for this moment. Enjoy it while you’re in it. You deserve it, Jungkook.”

His stare softens as it meets yours. “Thanks.”

Another beat of silence passes. He looks as if he’s warring with himself, as if he’s fighting the urge to say something more, gnawing at his lower lip, brows knitting together.

“Yo, Jeon!” A foreign voice from amongst the crowd beckons aloud abruptly for the boy.

Jungkook glances over his shoulder swiftly in search of the source, then waves his hand as if to motion he’ll be there later. Then, he turns back to you. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I won’t keep you,” You say. “I know you’re busy.”

“But━” He stops himself, his jaw clamping shut. Changing his mind, he decides to ask hopefully, “Will you be at the show tomorrow?”

“Of course.” The affirmation seems to relieve him, even though it’s a spontaneous decision made by you on the spot. Before this moment, you hadn’t been so sure you could go.

“Promise?”

You can’t help but shake your head, a chuckle slipping past your lips at the innocent boyish question he asks. “Yes, Jungkook.”

His smile widens a little more, however sheepish it may be. “Then can you promise me one more thing?”

“What?” You quirk a brow, intrigued to say the least.

“Will you drop by the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow morning, so I can take you out for a coffee? Just to catch up. It’s been a while,” he says timidly. Then, feeling a little stupid for being so bold, scrambles to explain himself. “And no pressure if you don’t want to. I just thought━”

You can’t possibly say no. Not when it comes to Jungkook, all your past struggles seemingly vanishing without a trace. “I’d like that a lot, Jungkook.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Then he’s positively beaming, his self-indulgent grin making your own heart flutter in your chest. When he leaves your side that night, you find yourself looking forward to the future perhaps a little too optimistically. But how terrible could grabbing coffee with your ex be, if you had survived the first wretched encounter?

So, in the morning when you wake, there’s not a stutter in your step or a wavering flicker of your confidence as you make your way to the Four Seasons hotel Jungkook had told you to from the night before. In fact, a selfish part of you almost thinks that maybe things will start to look up. That maybe you and Jungkook can finally make amends. That maybe you never had a reason to fear Jungkook breaking your heart if he made such an effort to heal it.

The hotel itself is one of the most luxurious ones in Seoul, a considerable contrast from when the boys were slumming it on friends’ couches and in their run-down van touring the country. The room Jungkook tells you to meet him at is one of the hotel’s grand suites, located on the higher levels of the building. But as soon as you reach the landing and have begun making your way towards the designated door, it flings open and a pretty girl comes stumbling out. She’s giggling at something that has just happened inside, her hair a dishevelled mess which she ruffles up in an attempt to fix it. She’s adorned in a pretty little dress, the skirt of which is hiked a little higher up and one strap falling down her shoulder, as she clings her shoes and bag to her chest. She smiles at you on the way past, though she’s too far gone in her own little daze that you wonder if she even notices you at all.

But you certainly notice her, and, all at once, your reverie of him and what could be comes crashing to the ground once more.

Maybe you should have stayed, should have waited for Jungkook to let him explain, but you were too afraid to hear an answer you weren’t looking for. You try desperately not to imagine Jungkook loving someone else. You try not to think about him holding her the same way he held you, his lips finding purchase on some other girl. But by trying to avoid the thought, it beckons the unwarranted memories of how it felt to be loved all over by him once upon a time. You wonder how many girls he’s hooked up with in your time apart, and the overwhelming sense of regret washes over you.

You don’t bother to wait. You know fleeing is the easiest option rather than facing your fear, but you’re far too timid of rejection again. Instead, even before you can approach Jungkook’s hotel room and knock on the door, you turn on your heels and run.

You’re long gone by the time Jungkook comes to the door, prying it open in search of you on a whim. When he doesn’t see you, he glances up and down the hallway but to no avail. Namjoon comes slinking past inside then in his own disoriented haze, having just woken up from moments ago when the girl he had taken back to their room the night before left. Even then, Jungkook had warned the rhythm guitarist against bringing the girl back, pointing out the fact that they had much to do today ahead of their concert. Namjoon had promised it wouldn’t be long, that she would be gone in the morning, and Jungkook was fortunate enough that the suite had two separate bedrooms on the opposite ends of one another so that Jungkook didn’t have to hear whatever it was the pair were doing in the other.

“Did Mina leave?” Namjoon asks through a yawn, digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes. When Jungkook nods, a sliver of a reminiscent smug grin tugs at Namjoon’s lips. “You missed out, Jungkook.”

The cheeky quip is met with a roll of Jungkook’s eyes. “I’m sure I’ll survive. You know I’m not like that.”

Like that━ As in midnight hook-ups and cheap thrills alike. He tried it once, far ago when you had first broken up with him, on a drunken spur of a moment as a way of healing the anguish in his heart. It hadn’t worked then; he assumed it would never work.

Namjoon seems to understand this immediately. He gives Jungkook a look that the boy doesn’t notice. “Well… is Y/N here yet?”

“No. But I’m sure she’ll be here,” Jungkook grimaces. He hopes. “Something probably came up.”

Namjoon clasps a reassuring hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, humming aloud, “Good luck, dude.”

But you never arrive, even though Jungkook waits for most of the morning, nervous eyes flickering to the door at every commotion outside, running to check only to see room service delivering breakfast or concierge showing guests to their rooms. He has no choice but to give up on the thought of you coming when Jin knocks on their door, prompting the boys to get a start on their day. Interviews and soundcheck await, but how could he possibly go on with his life without knowing what happened to you?

Which is why you stay on his mind for the rest of the day, distracting him in every aspect, mixing up his words when he’s in the midst of his interview, tripping up on stage as the boys set up and begin to rehearse. As the hours wane down to just an hour before the show, the thought of performing in front of thousands of fans starts to make him nervous and he doesn’t know why. He’s done this countless times before, almost nightly during the tour, so what stops him now? Of course he knows the answer, had grown all too accustomed to the feeling the first few months in which the break up had been so recent. It would always be about you.

But just before the show starts, Jungkook is making his way backstage from the greenroom, where the band had been waiting, to the stage. Fiddling with his in-ear piece, he almost doesn’t notice you and Dahyun weaving your way through the roadies and sound tech, being guided by Jin to the pit on the side of the stage where only family and friends are allowed. You don’t see him, and there’s a split moment where he thinks he should just let you go, until he doesn’t.

As he makes his way to you, the tour manager for the band intervenes part way, shouting out to the boy. “Where are you going? We’re on in five, Jungkook!”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back━” He waves the manager off as politely as he can, wasting no time to chase after you. He calls out your name, though it drowns out in the sound of the music being blasted through the speakers of the arena and the screaming fans. “Y/N, wait up!”

He’s relieved when he sees you stop in your tracks, turning to face him as Dahyun and Jin become lost in the chaos of the backstage. He comes to stand just before you, smiling breathlessly at you, unaware of the way your shoulders tense at the sight of him.

“You didn’t show up this morning,” he says as a way of greeting, his voice a curious prob. “What happened?”

You try desperately not to get lost in his big beautiful eyes, laced with such hope. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest, looking away. “Something came up.”

It’s then that Jungkook senses something is wrong. You’re upset with him, though he can’t tell why. Aside from the obvious rift in your relationship that had initially split you two up, you had been so pleasant to see him the night before. But he doesn’t give up just yet. “Well… you’re here now.”

You meet his gaze with your own hardened one. “For the boys.”

A shot right to his heart almost makes Jungkook gasp for air. He flinches, and then his stare softens, and you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that, out of fear that you might just relapse into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” He closes the distance between the two of you. He wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but refrains with much difficulty. There’s dozens of things that could be wrong, and he braces himself for your retaliation. “You didn’t want to come, did you?”

When you don’t respond, but also don’t stray from his side, Jungkook hurries to speak again if only to fill the tense silence.

“Look, last night… Maybe it was just me, but last night seemed like things were okay,” he says. “Was I wrong to feel that way?”

“Jungkook…”

“Please, just let me know,” he begs. “Because you’re all I can think about these days, it’s driving me crazy. And I don’t know what’s going on, but the reason I wanted to see you this morning was because I hate how things ended between us, and I wanted to tell you…” He swallows nervously as he trails off uncertainly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you. And I can’t get you out of my head. These months away from you made me realize that I━”

Suddenly, you’re shaking your head and he knows you don’t believe him. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets saying it, if only because they seem to enliven you. Now, you push yourself away from the boy. “I’m not doing this right now. You’re not doing this right now.”

As if to further your point, the band’s tour manager can be heard calling out frantically for the boy. “Two minutes, Jungkook!”

But Jungkook is hardly paying attention now, instead solely focused on you. “Please, Y/N━”

“No, you don’t get to say that to me,” You admonish hotly. You can’t bite the words back, no matter how hard you try. “You don’t love me. You think you love me, but you don’t.”

His jaw clenches, and his brows furrow into a frustrated stare. “I do.”

“You don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Stop.” The harsh word makes Jungkook clamp his mouth shut. You shake your head furiously, but you know it’s only to distract yourself so that you don’t let the tears fall. “You’re being selfish, Jungkook. You don’t get to take all of me, love all of me, and leave, only to come back months later and pretend you’re still in love with me. And whatever this━” You gesture vaguely between the two of you, “is, or was, doesn’t exist anymore. We both need to stop pretending otherwise.”

Jungkook winces, eyes tinged with pain. “You don’t mean that.”

You don’t respond. Elsewhere, his tour manager starts to grow impatient, scolding the boy aloud, “Jungkook, we’re gonna be late. Hurry up!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Jungkook calls back, irritated. Maybe he is being selfish. He’s wasting precious time by not leaving, all the hard work that the crew put into tonight’s show, and the fans awaiting his and the band’s arrival. He can still hear the crowd, this time their buzzing voices amalgamating into unanimous chanting muffled by the walls that sounds akin to the band’s name.

“You should go,” You say now. “Don’t wanna disappoint them.”

But he’d throw it all away for you if you told him to. He promised you that even before he had left for tour, before the band had been signed. Had you forgotten? Because he surely hadn’t.

“Y/N…”

“Good luck out there.”

Then, you’re gone before Jungkook can even make a move to stop you ━ but even if he did, what could he do to make you stay? The feat seemed impossible, and you always seem to find a way to slip from his grasp no matter what he does. Only this time he has no choice but to let you go, out of fear of being berated further by his tour manager or angering the boys so much to the point where he gets kicked out of the band.

He makes it on stage in time, the band filing out to take their places one at a time, deafening screams blowing out their in-ear pieces that stand no chance as each member joins the stage. The lights fizzle out until complete darkness cloaks the venue, but Jungkook still looks for you. He finds you in the pit on the side of the stage, Jin and Dahyun standing beside you, and finds it hard to keep his eyes off of you even though you attempt to pretend as if he’s not even there.

After their first adrenaline-filled opening song of the night, Jimin takes to the microphone to greet the crowd who scream back an indiscernible shout as, elsewhere, you notice Jungkook pry himself away from the microphone stand on his side of the stage to wave the rest of the boys over to Hoseok’s drum kit. They murmur amongst themselves briefly, though they go unnoticed by Jimin or the crowd as the lead singer entertains them.

“Seoul! It’s good to be back. We’ve missed you all so much━”

Jimin’s words get cut short when Jungkook, having just parted ways with the rest of his members for their impromptu meeting, beckons the lead singer over, out of range of the microphone. They seem to discuss something just as shortly as Jungkook had talked with the rest of the boys, in which time Jimin nods understandingly, then steps away from the microphone. Then, Jungkook takes to the microphone, the rings on his fingers glistening under the spotlight as he grips the stand.

“I know the night’s only getting started,” Jungkook’s voice wavers as he speaks, “but we’re gonna slow things down for a moment. We hope you don’t mind.”

Intrigued murmurs echo around the crowd, suddenly buzzing with excitement as they watch Jungkook with eager eyes. A few encouraging bellows has Jungkook smiling smally. Jin, on the other hand, looks perplexed.

“What is he doing?” Jin asks no one in particular, a quizzical look on his face. “This isn’t part of their set.”

“I think a lot of you might know this next song,” Jungkook continues, “but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much it means to me. This next one, I wrote for a special someone, and it sort of helped us achieve all of this. So, I think it’s time that person knows how much they mean to me.”

Jungkook glances nervously over at the boys standing behind him, each in their own respective spots. Then, sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he finally finds you already staring up at him. His own eyes soften into a look of longing, however hardened by past tribulations and sorrow it may be. As if he’s determined not to lose you again; determined to make it up to you.

“This next one is for Y/N,” he says timidly. He has to turn away from you in the next second, afraid he might just break down before the fans and the boys and you. “I’m sorry I messed up.”

As the boys take their place, with Jimin taking an acoustic and fading back from the limelight, you wonder why. But then you hear it, the familiar beginning chords making up the song you had so wholeheartedly claimed you hated. Only this time they’re gentler, made up of acoustic strums of a guitar, Hoseok’s drums, and Yoongi’s keys, all amalgamating into a pretty song almost unrecognizable.

Then, Jungkook starts singing, and what was once a wistful dreamy song of prospective lovers suddenly turns into a melancholic requiem for you. Some lyrics are changed, present tense turning to the past, and Jungkook sings his way throughout the entirety of the song in contrast to the one that plays all over the radio featuring the other member’s voices. The fans sing along, their voices melding with Jungkook’s into some sort of celestial mellifluous choir, and you’re left no longer wondering if the fans would ever know the meaning behind the song that Jungkook had brought to life. Because now, it wasn’t just Jungkook singing to you; it was the whole world. And yet, paradoxically at the same time, it felt all that much more intimate. As if it were just you and him once again, seated on the couch in his small apartment, listening to the beginnings of what would be their number one selling song.

Above all else, you realize that you don’t seem to hate the song as much you claimed to.

That night, you can’t sleep.

You find yourself leaving the venue earlier than everyone else, even when the boys invite you and Dahyun to join them for celebratory drinks, returning to your home in the hopes of forgetting the night altogether. Instead, you stay up tossing and turning, your mind filled with memories consisting of only Jungkook and his haunting voice singing to you, and for you. But at some point during the night nearing one or two in the morning, just when you give up on the idea of sleep, the sound of incessant knocking at your front door rouses you from your trance.

When you finally answer the door, you’re more than surprised to see that Jungkook stands on the other side of the threshold as if coming to you from a dream. But then you register the fact that he’s a complete mess. Dark circles line his weary eyes, now smudged with that faint hint of charcoal liner he had worn for the concert, hair so messily mused beyond repair, and you notice quickly that he’s crying, fresh tears glazing over his pupils and streaking down his face. It’s startling to see him in such shambles, a complete contrast to how effortlessly charming and confident he usually portrays himself. But though you’ve seen him cry before on various occasions, now is all the more unsettling.

“I━I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing he says, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shakes his head. He fumbles over his words, slurring them together in his rush to get them out. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to see you.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, no, I swear━” He pries his eyes open to meet your desolate stare, tears unabashedly falling from his lashes. His voice thins with desperation. “You said we need to stop pretending, but I’m not pretending. I never have been. And if you think ━ if you truly believe ━ that there’s nothing here between us anymore… Tell me. Right here, right now. And I’ll leave you alone forever, you’ll never have to see me again. I just━ I’ve missed you every moment and it kills me.”

You’re silent for a long period, pitying gaze sweeping over him, but he doesn’t care if he looks insane. He just needs you to know how he feels.

“Well, how do you think I felt?” You ask the question carefully, but then the memories come flooding back and the semblance of a scowl forms on your face. “You leave and suddenly everywhere I look I see you. Your song is playing everywhere, you and the guys are everywhere, and I’m reminded every day about how we ended. About how you left me.”

Jungkook blinks. He shakes his head stubbornly, the nerves in the corner of his jaw fluttering as he grits his teeth. “You were the one who said we should take a break.”

“A break!” You snap sternly. “Fuck, Jungkook. I didn’t want you out of my life forever. I wanted you to fight for me.”

“No, don’t put this all on me,” Jungkook pleads helplessly. “I have always fought for you. But the minute things got rough, you bailed. You told me you never wanted to see me again. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I was scared!” You try to swallow the tears away that start to form as a lump in your throat but to no avail. “I was, and I still am, so fucking scared of losing you. And you━ It felt like you gave me no choice. Like you were over it. I would have wanted to make things work but you left. You just… You left, and suddenly it was like you were never in my life at all. Seven months, and I get no word from you.”

“I fucked up, okay!” He cries out so suddenly, it silences you at once. He bites at his lip, and straightens up half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. When he meets your stare this time, he’s zealous yet sincere. “I know that I messed up. I know. And it fucking kills me every single day. I don’t know where it went wrong, but it did, and I know it’s all my fault. When you said we should take a break and I agreed, I was only thinking about you. Because I knew I was disappointing you every day, and I was afraid that was all I would ever do, and you don’t deserve that. I thought it would be better this way, if I was just gone from your life for good. But I can’t forget you.”

“How can I trust you?” You ask. When his pained stare gawks at you, you tilt your chin a little higher. “I came by your hotel room yesterday morning, just like you asked, only to see that girl leaving.”

Jungkook’s gawk turns into a dumbfounded expression. He looks weary as he shakes his head, as if struggling to keep up with the way you accuse him now. He tries not to focus on the fact that you actually came to the hotel, then feels inconsolably terrible when he realizes why he never got to see you. “That girl was Namjoon’s fling. We were sharing the suite, and they were in a whole other room. I didn’t even think about her━”

Your stare droops from him, and he knows he’s struggling to keep you on his side.

“Okay, fine. You want trust? I’ll give it to you,” he says. A newfound sense of confidence seems to possess him, though he approaches the topic with extra caution anyway. “After we broke up, I was crushed. I couldn’t move on from you, and the guys thought I should get drunk, find a random girl to bring back to our hotel one night on tour. And I listened, because I wanted to forget you, but it didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Every time she touched me, every time she kissed me, I could only imagine it was you. And when she left that night, I broke down because I felt like such a fucking idiot. I instantly regretted it. Like, even though you and I weren’t together, I still did something to hurt you by sleeping with that girl. And all it did was hurt me too in the process.”

He pushes himself forward, taking a step over the threshold. Even despite him admitting his wrongs to you, you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. Because, at the end of it all, he’s here at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him, but he had already won the moment your eyes had landed on him.

“You’re the reason I am who I am today.” His voice is hoarse when he speaks, almost in a whisper. “That I get to do what I love for a living. But all of it means nothing without you. You saw me at my worst, and my best. And you were the best I ever had, and I ruined it, and the worst part of it all is that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But I promise I can make it better ━ I can make it right again ━ if you just give me a chance.”

There’s a short pause filled with poignant silence in which Jungkook thinks you’ll push him away or scream at him. He’s fortunate when you do neither; instead, he hears you whisper faintly.

“Kiss me, Jungkook.”

And it’s more than enough for him. His heart thrums in delight as he wastes no time in reaching out for you. His hands are warm as they come to grasp at your face, holding you delicately; then he’s leaning in to you, drawing you closer and closer until his lips are pressed against yours. It’s unadulterated, but not without feverish passion, noses smushing together in both your eager hastiness to close the distance between the two of you. It doesn’t last long either, though that’s partly because Jungkook can taste your tears mingling on your lips, and can feel your faint smile form against his mouth. Kissing him feels both foreign yet familiar at the same time. You know the feel, the taste, and the sense of comfort that comes with it, but months apart from one another has left it feeling different.

Jungkook’s thumb wipes away at the tears on your face. “Why are you crying?”

It’s a useless question, he knows, but he needs something to fill the silence. He’s relieved when he hears you snicker. “Because I miss you, you idiot. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like such an idiot. I’ve messed everything up.”

His own shoulders quiver with contented mirth. “It’ll be okay.” As he leans in once more for another kiss, you can feel him murmur against your mouth, “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Then make it right,” You say, “right here and now.”

“I’ll do anything for you,” he promises earnestly.

Jungkook understands the underlying yearning in your voice even without having you explain yourself. He knows, if only because he can feel it too. As his hands fall to your waist, fingers digging into your skin, your own arms wrap around his neck and pull him into your apartment. He has you pressed up against the nearest wall within seconds, kissing at your throat, then up to your jawline.

“It’s been so long,” he sighs.

You hum in agreement, though your mind is already spinning, and all you can muster is a weak yet urgent croak of his name. “Jungkook.”

Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging at the roots and he croons with delight. His lips finally meet yours again, only this time he lets his tongue lav at your lower lip. Almost as soon as he does so, you notice something strange. It takes a moment for you to register the small metallic object that grazes your lower lip but when you do, you pull away from the boy.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks in a confused dazed.

“Is that…” You rasp. “Did you get your tongue pierced?”

Suddenly, Jungkook is smirking, one brow shooting up to his hairline in a smug demeanour. He sticks out his tongue for you to see the silver ball poking through and you almost moan at the sight of it as the thought entices you.

“Oh.” Your face warms with a flustered blush. “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Always wanted to get it done. Guess I was saving it for the right moment.”

“Right moment, huh?” You scoff as if the implications don’t already have your thighs rubbing together. “Care to explain?”

“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”

You dissolve into a fit of giggles, marvelling at the way Jungkook’s familiar flirtatious bantering can soothe your troubled heart at once. It’s almost as if time hasn’t lapsed between the two of you.

“I’ve missed this,” You sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jungkook.”

You spot him smiling before he’s kissing you again, this time his tongue slipping past your parted lips to meet yours midway. The piercing is strange to adjust to, but you get used to it quickly, humming at the feeling of it against the soft flesh of your tongue. It’s easy to get lost in one another’s lips as you pull and tug at Jungkook, guiding him to your bedroom, nearly tripping and stumbling over one another in the process. He knows the path like the back of his hand, the same way he knows every curve and dimple of your body as his greedy hands explore you. He has you sprawled out beneath him on the bed in a matter of seconds, carelessly shedding each other of your clothes until you’re left naked and he’s without a shirt.

As he’s tugging off the hoodie you’re wearing, he realizes two things abruptly. One: you’re not wearing anything beneath it, your bare body dazzling him at once. And, two: a sudden thought jogs his memory that makes him ponder aloud, “Is this my sweater?”

“Yes,” You admit sheepishly.

He smirks. “Was wondering where it went.”

“You forgot to take it back when…” You don’t finish your sentence. Instead, you tug your fingers at the hair at the nape of his neck, as if scared he’ll leave again. He doesn’t. Instead, he nestles his body between your legs, tonguing patterns on your neck. “I wear it sometimes, especially when I’m missing you. I don’t know… It just━ It still smells like you, even after all this time.”

Jungkook’s heart nearly implodes. He wonders briefly if he’d prefer fucking you without or with the hoodie; but then he’s letting himself time to study your naked body and he deduces he needs to gaze at you in your entirety a little longer.

“Keep talking,” he murmurs. He starts kissing down your body now, starting from your throat to your collarbones, between the valley of your breasts, then your navel. “Tell me more. How badly did you miss me?”

“So badly,” You whimper. Your legs instinctively part to make way for him as he shifts downward, kissing just above your core. A shudder runs down your spine when he kisses the inside of your thigh. “Sometimes I’d put your sweater on and touch myself to the thought of you.”

He grunts against you, teeth softly biting at your flesh. His tongue pokes against your thigh, the metallic piercing a dully cold sensation as he licks upward to your core. He laps at your folds, as if to taste the glistening cum that starts to form.

Your breath audibly hitches in your throat, hips jutting forward to meet his mouth. “I missed your hands, and the way they made me feel. Missed your mouth between my legs. Missed cumming on your tongue, or your fingers.”

Now, you’re starting to understand what he meant by waiting for the right moment to use the piercing to its fullest potential. As he lifts his head higher to tongue at your clit, the piercing makes your head spin. The contrast between his soft tongue and the harsh metal works wonders against you, rubbing you just the right way that has you a moaning mess beneath him within a matter of seconds.

“Fuck━” You cry out, hands twisting in his hair. “My hands never feel the same. You always made me feel so good, Jungkook.”

He hums something in response, the sound reverberating up your spine. He busies himself by replacing his tongue with his finger, rubbing small, controlled circles against your clit as he lowers his mouth to your folds. He teases the piercing against the sensitive flesh before lapping at your insides, burrowing further into you.

“Ooh, Jungkook━”

The noise that eclipses your throat is a piqued sob of delight. The piercing that scratches against your walls has your insides throbbing, body twisting and turning beneath him. You grab at your breasts, fingers pinching at the perked buds as you imagine Jungkook’s hands in replace of yours.

His mouth wraps just right around you and he sucks hard, earning a beautiful moan from you. It doesn’t take long for you to draw closer to your high, sputtering and whimpering at every action he does. Soon he’s burrowing his face even closer against your core, nose nudging against your clit in a way that makes you writhe and squirm. Before he can get carried away (and he certainly could), Jungkook decides to come to a stop which seems to thoroughly surprise and upset you. When you feel his missing warmth between your legs and the sticky wet mess accentuated further by the cool air that hits you, you pout like a child.

“That’s not fair,” you whine.

“Sorry, baby. Need to feel you.” He pulls away from you and crawls over your body once more. He kisses your lips, sloppy and heated, and lets you taste your own succulence on your tongue. “God, I need to feel you so bad.”

You’re just as much startled as you were seconds ago to hear the slight whine in his voice, a sound hot enough to almost push you over the edge.

“I’ve missed you too, just so you know,” he moans, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Your fingers continue to scratch delicately at his scalp and he simpers delightfully against you. He ruts his hips eagerly against yours, the bulge in his pants rough against your core. “So fucking much.”

“How much?” Now it’s your turn to ask, your curiosity getting the best of you once you find your voice.

“Every day,” he sighs as he continues to grind his hips into yours. “Get so hard at the thought of you. Your pretty mouth moaning my name. Your hands in my hair, just like this━” You pull a little tighter at the roots of his locks, and he has to stifle his contented moan. “And your body━ Fuck, your body. You take my dick so well, baby.”

“Jungkook,” You mewl impatiently. “Wanna feel you in me.”

“Fuck, okay. Okay━”

He hastens to rid himself of his pants and you help, arms momentarily tangling with one another in your rush. Then he’s kneeling before you, one hand planted firmly on your hip, rings digging roughly against your skin, as his other hand wraps a fist around his hard length, slowly pumping himself. He guides the tip of his leaking cock to your core and pushes himself forward carefully. He easily slips past your folds, coaxed by your slick walls, that he has to pause to give you both time to adjust to the feeling. It’s just as he remembered, though somehow better, and he isn’t so sure how long he’ll last. You don’t know either, marvelling in the way he stretches you open.

“Oh, shit,” he grunts.

He watches as your jaw drops open in a silent gap, your eyes fixed only on his. You grab at his hips, fingers scratching delicately over the laurel tattoos inked there, prompting him to move. He does so in one languid movement, burying deeper and deeper into you until you feel so full and he feels so warm. He fucks into you a little sluggish at first, taking his time and enjoying the way your clenching walls feel around his throbbing cock. It’s a pace so maddening that it soon has the both of you panting, heavy moans filling the space around you. Your own fingers dig into his shoulders, his back, his hips ━ anything to keep a hold on reality as you slowly lose yourself to the pleasure. He reaches for one of your hands, eager to feel you in more ways than one, and laces his digits with yours, pressing your clasped palms above your head. You squeeze tightly, his name falling from your lips in a cry.

“Doing so good,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. “Feel so nice, baby.”

Jungkook grasps at your hips and flips the two of you over. He lands on his back on the soft mattress and you fumble to not break the pace. Firmly planting your hands on his chest, you grind against him, sweat coating your forehead. He watches you with a dark fascination, brows screwed together and jaw clenched as your own cum starts leaking down his length. Not wanting to waste another moment without being beside you, he sits up and shifts you in his lap. Then he pulls you close to him, chest pulled flush against chest to the point where he can feel the rapid beat of your heart against his. You whimper aloud, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he guides your hips back and forth on him. There’s little to no space between your gyrating bodies, sweaty skin sticking to one another.

At some point, Jungkook notices you’re crying again, steady tears tangling in your lashes and wetting your face. Despite the way you’re driving him to near euphoria, he brushes your hair out of your face and manages to ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m sorry━ fuck,” You gasp. He can tell you’re genuinely sympathetic for whatever’s making you cry but it’s hard for you to convey it properly when you’re still so consumed by him. “I’m so sorry━ I’m okay. I just━ You feel so good, Jungkook.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing tender circles against your waist that contrasts with the fierce burn between your legs. “You’re okay, baby. Doing so well for me, aren’t you? Cum for me, yeah?”

You won’t tell him why you’re crying ━ not yet, at least. But Jungkook thinks he knows why; he can feel it too. The bitter sense of longing and mingling regret for all the time lost. The overwhelming feeling of love of finally being reunited. You continue to roll your hips against his, and he, breathless, rubs his nose faintly against yours, resting his forehead against yours.

It doesn’t take much longer after that for you to come tumbling to you high. He strokes your hair so lovingly as you ride him recklessly, leisure rolls of your hips driving you to your high. When you cum, the feeling completely washes over you and electricity crackles in your veins, warming your entire body. He holds you close to his chest the entire time as you writhe with pleasure, your walls clenching around his cock.

“Fuck, I’m gonna━” His voice splinters off as you busy yourself by sucking a bruise onto the underside of his jaw.

He reaches his high moments later just as you’re beginning to wince at the feeling of oversensitivity. He grunts and groans, spilling his hot seed into you, and then, with his hips slammed against yours, grinds leisurely to ride out your highs.

Then, the room falls silent.

Neither of you move from your warm embrace, with you still perched on his lap, his cock softening inside you as his cum runs down his length and onto your thighs. Your face is hidden in the crook of his neck, and he waits until you’ve both calmed down from your orgasms. You’re running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but he knows you’re still sad. He kisses you all over in the meantime, a few ticklish kisses that make you smile sleepily and a few loving ones that have your heart swelling. Then, he gingerly shifts your head to look at him.

“Why were you crying?” he asks silently.

It takes you a moment to respond. You cling to him tightly when you do and all he can do is cradle you closer to him. “I don’t want this to be some kind of drunken one night stand thing. Like we both needed one last fuck to get over each other, or something."

“You mean more to me than a one night stand,” Jungkook says and it makes you smile smally, a little timidly. 

“That’s good,” You say, “because I’m not over you or us. I want us to work out. I love you too much to lose you again, and I’m scared this might be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

“I’m not letting that happen,” Jungkook shakes his head furiously. “I’d be an absolute idiot to let that happen. You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere this time. You’re my priority, Y/N. You always have been. Not the band and definitely not the record label.”

“I’m sure the boys will love to hear that,” You snort to yourself.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jungkook grins. But you’re only joking, and you know he sort of is too. That’s not to say the band isn’t still important to him, but you take precedent over it. “Without you, I wouldn’t even have the chance to be where I am now.”

You nuzzle your nose against his own, and he steals one sweet kiss from you. 

“Do you really mean all that?”

“With my whole heart.”

And, when he says it, you know he means it. There’s no reason not to trust him.

You’ll both move eventually from one another’s arms, soft touches from Jungkook peeling you off of him and wrapping you in your covers before falling asleep beside you, and waking up in the morning with you in his arms. But, for now, it’s just you and him, a little broken still yet all the more in love.

While you both know healing a broken heart will take time, you’re both prepared for it because you’re both worth it to one another ━ and that’s all either of you really need in the end to make it right.

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work. 

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[poguesholland]

Hey could you write something for Harrison where you really like him but the last person you were with rejected you so your scared to tell him

“Fucking tell him already, Y/N” Tom groaned, cutting you off. He was sick of hearing you talk about Harrison over and over with no intention of acting on your feelings. This had been going on for a year now and all your friends were so done with this.

You let out a laugh, thinking Tom was being sarcastic. “Sure, Of course Tom, great idea” You spoke sarcastically only to look at Tom and realize that he wasn’t joking. Not the slightest bit. “Are you joking? There’s no way I could ever tell him. Not after what happened with Alex” You shook your head, the idea of Harrison ever finding out how you feel almost bringing you nightmares.

Alex was a guy you had liked last year. You two were the closest anyone could be and naturally, you developed feelings for him. Everyone thought that the feeling was mutual. But when you told Alex how you felt, he shot you down in the worst way possible. He broke you.

“You what?” Alex spits, as you began to feel like he wasn’t too happy about what you were saying. “I, I like you” You repeat, with less confidence this time. Alex shakes his head, raising his eyebrows with a look of frustration displayed on his face. “I can’t fucking believe this” He mumbles under his breath, hands going through his hair. You stand there, not really believing the way he was reacting right now.

“Alex-” You start but he cuts you off, “Just shut up!” He yells at you making you flinch. Alex grabs his stuff and quickly walks towards the door, his shoulder bumping into yours. “Why would you ruin this?” He asks, angry with you for ‘ruining’ your friendship. “You made me think you feel the same way! Don’t act like I’m some crazy bitch who likes you!” You retort. “How could I ever feel the same way about you?” Alex spits, and your heart dropped to the floor and he slammed the door.

“We both know Harrison would never do what Alex did, Y/N, if you don’t tell him I will”. You raise your eyebrows at Tom, believing that there was no way on Earth that what he was saying could be true. “The boys and I are sick and tired of hearing you bitch about how you much you like him, so if you don’t tell Harrison by the end of the week, I will.” Tom deadpanned and you turned as pale as a ghost.

Tom gets up from the table, making you scramble to get up and follow him. “Tom! Tom, you’re- No, you’re joking. Right? Tom, no!” You pleaded and he turned around to face you. A smirk plastered on his face as he saw the fear in your eyes. “Bye, Y/N” Tom leaned on to leave a kiss on your cheek as you froze in place, crossing your hands over each other. You raised the finger at him, only making him laugh.

How could you possibly tell Harrison how you felt? What would you even say? How could you deal with him not feeling the same way? What if it ruined your friendship? What if he laughed at you? But a little part of your brain thought the opposite, what if he felt the same way?

Three days go by and you were yet to say anything to Harrison. Tom and the boys were keeping a close eye on you, giving you a warning look when you two were alone and you left to avoid saying anything. They had been trying their best to make sure that you two were always left alone for as long as possible, in an attempt to give you as many opportunities as they could. But, alas, nothing worked.

“Tom, do you wanna help me get something from the kitchen?” Harry rushed as he quickly got up from the couch. Tom immediately followed, “Yeah! I need-Um, some ice, yeah ice”. Harrison looked at them skeptically and you gave them a death glare. Now it was just you and Harrison on the couch.

Harrison laughed lightly, “What’s up with those two divs?”. You forced a laugh, covering up the anxiousness you were feeling at that moment. “No idea” You raised your eyebrows, but Harrison could tell that you were acting weird. Your hands rub your arms, trying to rid yourself of the nervous goosebumps beginning to appear on your body from the tension between you two.

“Y/N, is everything-” He starts but you shoot up off of the couch. “I need some ice!” You stutter out, rushing to the kitchen only to be met with a glaring Tom and Harry. You walk past them like nothing was wrong but Harry gives you a smack on the head. “Ow! What the fuck, Harry!” You yelp in pain, clutching your head to try to relive it. “Tell him” They both whisper-yell at you before leaving, making you huff.

Every time you almost said something, you could genuinely feel your throat dry up and words would not come out of your mouth. But as those three days went by, you found yourself trying harder and harder to just spit it out.

Harrison didn’t know why you were being so distant lately. You two were always together, always sitting beside each other, always taking naps together, always going everywhere together, but that was not the case anymore.

You rested your head against the couch, sprawling your legs out in front of you. Harrison and you continue watching the movie intently, the popcorn he had made already finished while the movie had another hour to go.

Harrison shifts to find a comfortable position and is unsuccessful, so he turns to lay his head on your lap and put his legs up on the couch. This was how you always watched movies but as soon as Harrison did so, you shot up from your position feeling panicked.

Harrison’s head hits the couch making him groan, reaching a hand up to rub his head. He looks up to say something to you, but you were already long gone and out of sight. Hurt fills Harrison’s chest as he was now sure that something was up with you.

You unlock your door, walking into your shared apartment. Immediately, you take notice that your roommates were nowhere to be seen as you close the door. However, you were proven wrong when you walk into the kitchen to see Harrison, making you jump up. “Shit, Haz! You scared me!” You exclaim, putting a hand over your heart as you laugh. His heart hurt once he heard his nickname leave your mouth, it’s been days since you said his name. It was his favorite sound coming from you.

The laugh on your face quickly falters as Harrison doesn’t respond, not even making the effort to turn around to look at you. You furrow your eyebrows, “Hello?”. No response. You walk around the kitchen counter to stand next to him, but he continues cutting up the vegetables he was cooking. “Harrison?” You call out but he doesn’t even turn to acknowledge your presence.

“Is something wrong? Did I do something?” Your voice quiet as you watch him, not even phased by you talking to him. “Talk to me Haz, please?” You call out again and Harrison drops the knife on the cutting board, huffing in frustration. He turns to face you with an angry look on his face, making you even more confused.

Harrison raises his eyebrows, “So now you want to talk to me? No, I’m sorry, now you feel like talking to me?”. You look at him with confusion, “What? I always want to talk to you. What are you talking about?”. He shakes his head, crossing his arms in disbelief as he looks at you.

“Harrison?” You question him again when you don’t get an answer. “Don’t fucking Harrison me!” He yells in frustration but lowering his voice after he realized, “Just don’t”. Unintentionally, you flinch at his loud voice. You rest your elbow on the kitchen counter, trying to figure out what he was talking about and what got him so mad.

A huff of defeat escapes your lips, “What the hell are you talking about?”. Harrison clenches his jaw and bites the inside of his cheek. “You haven’t talked to me all week, you run away when I enter a room you’re in. As soon as we’re alone, you leave. You can’t even look me in my fucking eye, Y/N! And now you want to talk to me?”.

You immediately shut up, looking anywhere but at Harrison as you feel ashamed of yourself. Harrison moves closer towards you, looking into your eyes as you try to keep your composure, avoiding his eyes. He looks at you for any sign of a response, but shakes his head when he doesn’t get one. “I’m not fucking doing this right now” He mumbles under his breath, walking out of the kitchen.

“Tom told me I have to tell you about my feelings for you before the end of the week, or he will” You sigh, not sure if you even thought that whole sentence through before saying it. Harrison freezes in his place as he tries to register what you just said, there was no way. No, this didn’t make any sense.

He turns around to face you and your eyes meet, your eyes full of fear that this would be the end of your friendship. “I couldn’t talk to you all week. I- Um, I was too nervous to be around you and couldn’t bring myself to tell you, but here we are I guess” You ramble quietly as Harrison stares at you with a dumbfounded look.

“About your feelings for me..” Harrison tries to comprehend and you nod, waiting for any sort of response from him. His silence was killing you. “I didn’t want to do it, after what happened with Alex-” “Alex is a dick” Harrison retorts, his voice sour at the sound of his name. He absolutely hated him, even before he broke your heart. He hated him even more when you were crying into his chest every night about what Alex did.

He didn’t tell you this but as soon as Tom told him what happened, Harrison went to Alex’s apartment. All of Alex’s neighbors could hear Harrison yelling at him as Alex stood there, like a coward, trying not to cry. Harrison knew you would’ve gotten angry if he told you so he kept it to himself, and swore that any guy after that he would keep an eye out on.

You clear your throat, “Yeah- Um, that’s true. I just- I was scared that you would...”. Harrison continue the sentence for you, “I would do the same thing”. You don’t reply, knowing Harrison was hurt from that comment. “Y/N, I am nothing like Alex, okay? You know that, you know me” He speaks quietly, taking a few steps towards you and you nod.

Your hands grip the counter behind your back as you look at the boy in front of you, trying to digest the information you were saying. “Did Tom tell you why you should tell me?” Harrison asks with a bit of realization in his voice, confusing you. “No, Um- He just said I should tell you how I feel”. Harrison nods, a small smile making its way onto his face.

Staring at him blankly, you try to make sense of why he was smiling. You had just ruined your friendship, was he happy? Relieved? Harrison walks closer until his hands grip the counter behind you, only a few centimeters separating the two of you.

“Did Tom tell you that I feel the same way? That I’ve had feelings for you for almost three years now? That seeing you with any other guy broke my heart? That I wanted to kill Alex for what he did to you?” Harrison asks, his voice quiet. Your eyes widen, thinking that this had to be a joke.

Harrison’s hand slides to yours on the counter, holding it gently. “That I had no idea how he could lose such an amazing girl like you? That I thought he was crazy to not appreciate how lucky he was to have you?”. You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. His hand slides up your arm, going to cup and caress your face slowly. You felt yourself shiver at his touch, almost like it was electricity.

“W-Why didn’t you-” “Tell you?” ,He continues and you nod, “Just thought that there was no way you felt the same about me”. You straighten your back, your chests now brushing against each other. “I would be crazy not to love you, Haz” You admit, and Harrison’s hand grips your tighter once you said those two words. “Y/N, be very careful with your words okay? I cant-” He shuts his eyes, leaning his forehead against yours as he tried to control himself.

Your fingers slip in between his, resting on the counter as Harrison opened his eyes. “I know” You state quietly, showing that you were being one hundred percent truthful. Harrison quickly leans forwards to push his lips against yours, making your breath get caught in your throat.

His lips move against yours in perfect sync as he moves closer to you, pressing you harder into the counter and his body. The hand on your cheek moves to your waist and grips it tightly, kissing you needily. A hand of yours goes to his chest to steady yourself.

You slow your lips against his before pulling away to catch your breath. Harrison licks his lips as he looks at you, admiring how beautiful you are. “I love you” He speaks up, and you look up at him. A shy smile finds its way to your face as you bring your arms to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to you. “I love you too” You whisper against his lips and feel him smile. You lean in to kiss him before both of you smile into the kiss, breaking it.

Harrison brings you in to hug you tightly, holding you so softly, like you were made of glass. You rest your head in the crook of his neck as you take in his warmth. “Holy shit! Tom what did I tell you! Both of you divs owe me a hundred each!” Paddy yells, startling both of you. You move your head to see Tom, Harry and Paddy looking at the two of you, only making you hide your flushed face once again.

“Finally told him, did you? Wonder who gave you that idea” Tom teases and you whine, making Harrison laugh. He holds you close to him before slightly turning around to face the guys, mouthing an excited ‘yes’ and pumping his fist to the air. You feel Harrison shoo them out of the kitchen, just wanting to be with you.

Harrison’s arms hook under your thighs and lift you up, making a squeal leave your lips. You wrap your legs around his waist as he walks towards his bedroom. “No fucking while we’re in the house!” Harry yells making you yell at him, “Harry!”. Harrison only laughs at the two of you and shakes his head, “Only been twenty minutes and you already made a dirty joke, Harry”.

“Ignore him, love” Harrison mumbles against your cheek as you giggle. The nickname makes butterflies appear in your stomach. You were grateful that your friends had pushed you to tell Harrison how you felt. Because what else would you need other than this?

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

I’M HEREEEEEE I’M HERE

you know i HAD to cook up a lil letter for this one…… dipping my pen in ink and tracing the crinkled paper in front of me rn <333 MICKEYYYYY YOUR TASTE IS UNPARALLELED AS ALWAYS i had to go hunt down my own collection immediately pls bare w me :’3 i’m so excited rn i’m shaking like a scared dog

FIRST OF ALLLLLLLL portrait of fryderyk in shifting light my absolute BELOVED i think that’s my favorite in the whole collection but there’s some competition…. THE LINES YOU MARKED DOWNNNNN I’M BARKING WILDLY they’re so good ………. what can you know about a person? they shift in the light. what if i cried and exploded and also threw up. it always makes me think sm of geto/kenny too…. the dichotomy there. the life of the body is a nightmare. you get the vibes. my hand over his face, which isn’t his face anymore, revising….

IT ISSSSS SUPER DUPER IHTCTAOT CODED!!!!!!! :3 reading through the poem rn and i think these lines are soooo knight!reader/prince!toru coded too…….

+ some other general siken poem lines that remind me of ihtctaot :3333 (the green+pink annotations are from his other collection crush!!)

(mickey i need to know if you also lost your mind at the and this means your life is over anyway line bc i was literally flipping through crush looking for knight!reader in every poem and when i got to that one i fucking Exploded)

ANDDDDD THE WORM KING’S LULLABY MY BELOVED EVER that one makes me think of stsg too 😥😥😥 IT’S SO GOODDDDD also while we’re on the topic of stsg . pls know that every single poem from crush is stsg coded . siken wrote it just for them i’m convinced….

aaaa but !!!! i’m so happy the ones i sent you way back then r still your favorites !!!!!! T_T getting a good grade in Mickey…….. normal to want and possible to achieve…… self-portrait against red wallpaper reminds me SO much of knight!reader and ohhhhh the lines you pointed out. the apocalypse au … that’s so good ….. i think that’s what interests me most about an au like that. not the question of survival but the question of what happens after, yk? or between the gaps. even if you survive, what will you do? can you go back to the way things were? will you be able to love anyone anymore? and then ofc also just . the question of love and light and how much it really matters in a world that punishes you for it (it matters more than anything but these silly little emotionally repressed popsicles haven’t realized that yet)…. i’m sososo excited to jump into that world w you <3333

but ok back to siken… it rlly is The Poem ever i’m never not thinking abt it. never not thinking abt my blorbos as i read it. the final couple lines get me EVERY time and imo they’re very gumi coded…… i hate my friends. and when i hate my friends i’ve failed myself, failed to share my compassion. (…) i mean, maybe it’s better if my opponent wins. <- that’s Him. don’t even get me started on i clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary. (…) it’s too much work. bc in context of the current megumi? in the manga??? yeah. sick and twisted.

AND TOJI TOJIIIII WE NEEEDDDD TO TALK ABT TOJI i’m gonna be honest mickey war of the foxes as a whole reminds me of the jjk villains more than the good guys . sukuna and toji and geto and kenny. etcetc. emphasis on toji. the lines you picked out makes me think of him sosomuch but also??? landscape with a blur of conquerors. the whole poem. every time i read it i think of him

ALSO this specific part of a primer for the small weird loves …. in crush ……. instantly thought of him the first time i read it like three years ago (normal abt him btw)

ANYWAYYYYY I THINK THAT’S IT …… i’m so happy you enjoyed the collection <3333 atp my goal in life is just to make my mutuals read it …. i’ve alr succeeded w you and io + kairo bought it a while back i think …….. mr siken everything i do is for you

i am back from the Outside. back from the Book.

anyway portrait of fryderyk in shifting light is very very very ihtctaot coded and it's making me sick i love them so fucking much

"he is looking at the wall and i am looking at his looking. difficult thing to be scrutinized for so long." // "my shadow falls across him and it doesn't go away." // "see me, not through me." // there wasn't much left but it felt like him, wild and scared."

+ and this part from the worm king's lullaby made me think of stsg i'm fine btw i'm so fine

@twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat hihi my sweet little iris i am holding your hand and tugging you over here to tell you that remember when you showed me siken's poems like a million years ago? the ones you picked out are still my favourite ones.

self-portrait against red wallpaper is my favourite favourite from the whole collection though. i just wanna thank you for showing me this one in the first place, life-changing honestly. i'm pretty sure i saw you post a snippet from it some days ago too i'm glad it's on both of our minds

"shame means you're guilty, like the rest of us, but you think you're better than we are. maybe you are?" // "disheartening? obviously. i hope it's love. i'm trying really hard to make it love."

"i clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary. i'd rather quit. i'd rather be sad. it's too much work. admirable? not really. i hate my friends. and when i hate my friends i've failed myself, failed to share my compassion. i shine a light on them of my own making: septic, ugly, the wrong yellow. i mean, maybe it's better if my opponent wins."

i feel like this is also very fitting for ihtctaot but but but but also... for the toji apocalypse au i'm working on. ok this is just me rambling bc i haven't even really talked about it that much so u guys don't know anything lmao (u will u will)

the whole second part just makes me think about how hard it would be living in an apocalypse you know.. you'd want to try to make it work, to make it love, to be in the light but it would be so fucking hard, wouldn't it? and so much work. think about all the heartbreak and the pain, wouldn't it be easier to quit?

and the "shame means your're guilty, like the rest of us, but you think you're better than we are. maybe you are?" is toji. this is for toji. he's acting cocky and he's acting smug, like he knows everything about the world, like he's some immortal creature. like he knows better.

he doesn't. he is filled with shame and everything alike, he's as guilty as the rest of them. he's as bad as the rest of them, he's as good as the rest of them.

[tobi-momo]

You Belong With Me

PAIRING: Tsukishima Kei x Reader GENRE: Romance | Fluff | Angst (?) | Comfort (?) | Mutual Pining | Slowburn | Confession WARNINGS: tsukki has a toxic gf | cursing | ooc? | implied infidelity (not you or kei) | prolly more sry WORD COUNT: 2k A/N: this fic is HEAVILY based off of You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift- if you've seen the music video this is like it but my way 😌 uhh i hope you like it <3 oh also pls don't cringe it'll hurt my feelings

“What was she so mad about?” Your voice bleeds through his phone as he scribbles on his homework with his number two pencil, sighing at your question. He looks up briefly to his window to see you at your desk across your two properties’ filing the papers for your math class, organizing your work. Your phone is sandwiched between your shoulder and your ear, your eyes narrowed as you focus on what assignments are what.

“Kei?”

He shakes his head as his mind snaps out of the daze, his golden eyes flicking down to his work. “Uh,” he sighs as he re-grips his pencil, “I teased her a little bit and she got mad,” he finished. You chuckled before covering your mouth with your hand, finally looking up at the man through your clear panes.

“You’re kidding,” you giggle, a smile leading onto Kei’s face while he listens to your voice, although refusing to look up at your face, he shakes his head in a joking dismissal.

“No, I’m not. But we are never mentioning it again.”

“Oh, good luck getting me to keep quiet!” You shout as your back straightens against your desk chair, a smug look playing on your face once the blond male looks up at you.

He stands up, a reciprocating smirk laying on his lips before he says, “You will,” before he takes his phone away from his ear, pressing the “hang up” button and raising his arm to close the drapes. You laugh with satisfaction while you exit his contact, turning on some music and tossing your phone on your bed before cleaning up your area and strumming your fingers like an imaginary guitar.

He opened his curtains expecting to see you sulking while doing your work, only to see you dance like an idiot while you blast your music, your pencils acting as a microphone as you perform your concert in front of your stuffed animals. He could hear the music from across the yard, him identifying it as your shared playlist that you two made a couple years back, the duration over fifteen hours as about three-hundred songs reside. An accidental chuckle escaped him as his eyes rested on your jumping figure for just a couple seconds. It was for entertainment. Yeah. That’s it.

~.~.~.~

Sticking your fabric marker on the construction paper, you write out your message to Kei.

“I love you”. It was a message that would tell him that he deserves the best and nothing less. It was something that you treasured and wanted to share that value with him. Something that told him that he belonged with you.

You hoped that one day you’d be able to give it to him, to tell him how you really feel, to show that you can do a better job than her, but you never got the chance. Carrying the folded slip in your pocket, ready to pull out, his phone rings. As you sit on the bench on the side of the road, you wonder how long it had been since you had seen him really smile. You had made him smile a lot before, even if he doesn’t smile a lot genuinely, there are some times where real happiness seeps through his facade. You like it when that happens, always have. You noticed how much his happiness had reduced over the course of these last few months, though.

He answers the phone very monotone, very uninterested. He sounded obligated while he spoke to his girlfriend, sighing sharply once he hung up.

“What was that about?”

“Just drama. Kind of sick of it at this point.” He sticks his phone in his pocket, looking over to your concerned expression. “It’s nothing to worry about,” he says while rolling his eyes, placing a soft hand on your head and letting it rest. His hand retracted quickly when the sound of his name rings through his ears, his head whipping towards his girlfriend's figure. He readjusts his glasses, sitting straight up and swinging the strap of his school bag over his shoulder before he gets up and sluggishly walks across the street, meeting up with the one he was set to have a date with later. He subtly waved to you prior to turning his head away and continuing his stroll with his date hanging on his arm. You ignore the glare served your way when you wave back to him, forgetting the multiple reasons of why you wanted him away from her so he can enjoy his date. Hopefully.

~.~.~.~

As you stand on the bleachers of Kei’s game, you watch him stride over the court and jump to block the ball, a playful smirk residing on his lips as he sends the ball to the other side. You clap for him, shouting praises his way in hopes he might hear you over everyone else. Especially her. The screaming and unnecessary noise making your ears bleed a bit. You didn’t mean to be irritated by it, but the pulse on your forehead and the grit of your teeth made it painfully obvious you didn’t really like her.

When the end of the game hit, you were overloaded with joy at Kei’s victory. You hurriedly make your way over to him before gripping him tightly in a hug, not caring about the sweat that drips off his body. You could feel his arms flex as he raised his arms to hesitantly reciprocate your actions until his arms completely dropped, his body stiff.

“What the hell?” He muttered under his breath as he firmly moved you aside to walk away. Following after him, you let your head peek out from the side of his back, watching it all occur in front of you. “What’s this?”

“What? Nothing, Kei,” she mewls, setting her hands on her boyfriend’s shirt as if she thought he was silly.

“Yeah, we were just, uh, talkin’.” The man before her fibs.

“Not according to what I just saw,” Kei accuses the two with a furrowed brow, fed up. You come out from behind him, glaring at his girlfriend in hate. This was it.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” the man dismisses, turning to keep the conversation with her going.

Stepping forward, you place an arm in front of Kei, stopping his movements as you eye his girlfriend. “Tell me you were not just flirting with this man and we’ll leave.”

“I wasn-”

“Don't,” you pause, taking a deep breath as you watch her take a step back, “don’t lie to me, or you will regret it,” you threaten, a sharp glint in your eye telling her that you are oh so serious about this. Behind you, Kei watches as you make his girlfriend stammer on her words, a subconscious smile leaking on his face.

She stomps away with anger, the man beside her moving away as well, scoffing.

~.~.~.~

He didn’t say much on the way home; you trailed behind him as he walked away in part anger and denial. You didn’t really know what to say. Should you go back and find the girl and beat some sense into her? Should you give some words of the wise to Kei? Would he even take it?

As you watch him slow down to match your pace, you grow confused. You were headed to your place, so why was he suddenly following? “Kei?” He hums in response, his head hanging low. “Would you like to stay at my place? I can make coffee and we can stay up shit-talking our least favorite people,” you giggle and softly bump into his side, a stifled chuckle escaping him.

“Whatever,” he mumbles with an obvious smile as he continues to walk with you. When you quietly shut the door and take your shoes off, you softly tread to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine- the man that you took home followed, his arm planting on the marble counter as his eyes trail over your moving figure.

As you sit on the stool next to him beside your kitchen island, you converse about the drama he’s been scooped in, him rolling his eyes twice a minute and his irritation level going off the charts as he recalls the events. He hated it, you could tell. He made it pretty obvious he wasn’t happy about it, too.

“Are you still going to the dance with her tomorrow then?” You speak curiously, twirling your fingers around each other while staring blankly into the marble as you awkwardly sit there, awaiting an answer.

It takes him a second to respond, a long sigh and a deep thought coming into play in his mind once he looks over to your spaced expression. Does he really want to go? Did he want to go with her, or with someone else- you? “Probably.”

Oh. “Are you sure you wanna do that? After what happened today?”

“Why not. Nothing better to do,” he justifies, shrugging. Yeah, you probably should have seen that coming.

The note that resided in your pocket seemed to crumple a little bit when you came to terms with the fact that he may never notice you the way you wanted him to.

~.~.~.~

“Are you going?” Kei asks over his phone as he takes his suit out of his closet.

“Ah, no,” you breathe out as guilt pools in your stomach, your elbow balancing sitting on your desk while dozing off into something that is not mathematical equations.

“Oh,” is all he says before telling you he needed to get ready, giving his goodbye.

After the call ends, you see the light fading away from his room as he closes the drapes, giving you a sign to start working again. You wondered what would happen if you possibly showed up. You originally were going to go, but the date that canceled soon beforehand gave your mind a gentle squeeze, telling you that the dance wasn’t for you. Still, the tiniest urge told you to make an appearance. You groan in waver, giving in.

~.~.~.~

You felt good. You felt really good. Wearing your planned outfit to this dance, you make your way inside carefully, minding the crowd. You catch the eye of the one girl that you held a grudge against, watching her grope another man on the dance floor. You roll your eyes in disgust as you move your head around to find a tall blond in the crowd. He leaned against the wall across from you his arms crossed while his dilated pupils trace the light that bounces off the floor.

“Hey,” you greet him, his attention whipping to you as he raises his head.

“Hi,” he reluctantly answers you while standing straight up, a relieved smirk leading onto his lips. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I didn’t want to put my outfit to waste,” you smile, spreading your arms to show your attire.

“Yeah, well you came at perfect timing,” he points towards his girlfriend which you identified earlier, although he seemed like he didn’t care all that much.

Gripping the folded paper in your pocket, you slip it out with two fingers confidently. “I have something to tell you,” you admit, your eyes staying centered on his black suit.

“Go on,” he eggs, hands staying at the side of his body while he watches you fluster yourself. It takes you less than a second to shove the note in his stomach and turn around, your face turning hotter and hotter every moment. Your hands lay against your cheeks as your nerves rattle beneath your skin, your ears tingling when you hear a sweet chuckle glide against his lips. “You should have told me a long time ago, Y/n. I wouldn’t have to deal with,” his eyebrows turn up as his head tips towards the dancing figure just a couple of feet away from you guys, “...that.”

You turn around slowly, disbelief covering your face when you look at his smug expression. “Are you kidding me? You’re telling me this,” you gesture at the both of you with your pointer finger, “could have been something a long time ago?”

He sucks in through his teeth, taking a grip on your arm and pulling you with him as he walks through the crowd to the middle of the room. “Yep. Guess you missed out.”

“Says you,” you roll your eyes with attitude as you pick up your pace and place your hand in his.

He knew he belonged with you, he was just wondering when you would admit that.

aaa here it is! three days of work! sry i havent been posting lately ive been working <3 (reupload bc tumblrs a little bitch)

REQUESTS: OPEN

reblogs are VERY appreciated!

[suchalonelysunflower]

I gave you my heart (h.s)

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Harry is trying to propose to you, but his family is getting in the way.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst if you really pay attention. Language. Mentions of alcohol (barely) Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, sorry!)

Word count: 4.1 K

Author’s Note: Oh how I missed writing for Harry! And a fluffy piece nonetheless! Who am I? Well, this is a Holiday fic (non specific) and I’m also planning to do a 5SOS holiday fic by the end of the year, so stay tuned! 🌻 Reblogs, comments, feedbacks and likes are welcomed and encouraged! Please, I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋✨

My materialist // wanna be on my tag list?

Picture form Pinterest. Title from the song “last Christmas”

Ok i know this is cheesy but hear me out, Harry proposing on Christmas with his family around.

Harry kneeled in front of you. His hands were intertwined with yours as he spoke of all the grand adventures you had and how much he adores you while your eyes filled with glossy cold tears. He couldn’t see his mum from where he was, but he could already tell she started crying as well while Gemma held her in a side hug, watching the scene they never thought would happen being displayed in front of them.

Words of praise left his mouth like a symphony, knowing that he will never get tired of praising you as the angel you were. Tears started forming in his eyes as he promised you a lifetime of love and adventure, hoping with all his heart you would say yes.

They all knew the question that was going to pop out of his lips any time now.

“So, Y/N L/N” He said, as the fireworks started to go off behind them “Will you marry me?”

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and with a smile you answered:

“You better wake up before I leave you in the car”

Harry opened his eyes in shock, cursing under his breath as he realized he had fallen asleep without realizing.

You were on your way to Anne’s house for the Holidays, just like you promised a few months ago when Harry finalized all his tour arrangements. You were very excited to see Harry’s family again, it has been a while since you got to spend any time with them as you accompanied Harry across the world for the most part of the past year. You love them with all your heart and it comforts you to know that the feeling is completely mutual - Anne practically adopting you the minute you came through the door as Harry’s partner a few years ago and Gemma quickly becoming your best friend over the span of a few minutes, bonding over clothes, movies and embarassing Harry stories.

Harry loved how much you and his family love each other, for that is all he asked. For him there are only three things that matter most: His music and his fans; His family and, of course, you. He felt really blessed to have you in his life during all these years, knowing that you love him just as much as he loves you (although he would always fight that he loves you more) You were his rock, his best friend, his world… and he cannot wait to put a rock on that hand to prove that to you.

He got the ring a few months prior, but he knew he wanted to marry you from the first moment he saw you interact with his family. He still remembers that cold December night when he came downstairs looking for you and you were sleeping on the couch next to Gemma. You have been talking all night and were exhausted by the time you both finished that bottle of wine. He stood on the entrance of the living room watching the cozy scene with a smile plastered across his face. He knew he loved you back then, but his happiness at that moment was unmatched.

He was so entranced by the picture that he didn’t notice Anne standing beside him.

“This one’s a keeper” She said in a low voice as she watched you both with tenderness in her eyes. But Harry already knew that.

And now, as you were driving the cold snowy roads of Cheshire, Harry drifted back from his fantasy waiting to come true. Thinking back and forward of the little velvet box that is hidden in his suitcase.

“Sorry,” He said with a yawn “Didn’t notice I fell asleep”

You smiled at him but kept your eyes on the road “It’s okay, love. I know you must be tired of the trip. That is why I asked you to switch seats and let me drive in the first place”

Harry stared at you for a moment, completely enamored by your thoughtfulness. He really was lucky to have you.

“Besides,” You joke “With your driving skills, we might get to Homes Chapel the day after the Holidays if we are lucky”

Harry rolled his eyes “Oh, bug off!” He said as he mocked annoyance, but his laugher soon joined yours as you continued your way towards his childhood home.

*

You let out a happy squeal once you noticed Anne standing in front of her house from a distance, wasting no time on parking the car so you could run up to her and hug her.

“Aww I’m so glad you’re finally here!” Said the matriarch of the Styles’ family as she crushed your body in a tight hug “I’m never letting you go a year without visiting us again!”

“It will not happen again! I promise” You answered with a laugh.

She let you go just enough so she could place her palm on your cheek, caressing it in a motherly way “You better! And in any case you could always run away from my son and come stay here for as long as you want!”

This is when Harry decided to interject. He was standing behind you, smiling at the exchange that was happening in front of him.

“Oi! No need for that now, mum”

Anne laughed as she went to hug her son, murmuring about how if he doesn’t keep an eye on you she would steal you from him without a second thought.

After a few more greetings, Anne ushered you into the house. The warm environment and the smell of a homemade meal made you feel at home.

You always loved to come and visit Harry’s childhood home. It reminded you of him, the real Harry you got to know on a more personal and deep level. The Harry that let all his walls down and let you in, welcoming you to his house, his family and friends and into his heart. The Harry you love with all your being.

“‘m gonna head and help mum with dinner” Your boyfriend said as he hung his coat by the door “You’ve been driving all day, love. You should rest”

He pressed his chest to your back and rounded his arms around your waist to hold you closer before placing a kiss to the shell of your ear. You hummed “‘m not tired. I don’t think I could rest till much later.”

“Still,” Harry said “At least try to rest? Don’t want you to feel sick and I know you’ll hate to miss all the traditions”

You sighed “At least that way I’ll get you to take care of me, right?” You smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Always, darling”

You placed a couple little chaste kisses to his lips, pulling away from his grasp before he started to try and deepend them as he always does “‘m gonna go unpack my suitcase then. Want me to unpack yours?”

Harry was about to answer when the alarms in his head went off, reminding him of the little box you should definitely not find “Uh, n-no. I have to show something to my mum” He lied “I’ll unpack my stuff later. Thank you, though”

His response got you a little confused, but you just shrug your shoulders and turned around towards the guest room, aka: Harry’s old room. Letting Harry let out a relief breath once you went out of sight. This was going to be a long holiday.

*

Gemma arrived later that night. She didn’t even put her luggage on the ground before she caught your eye and ran to hug you.

“Oh my god” She said, hugging you tighter “I have so much to tell you!”

“Oh sure,” Harry said, walking towards her as she almost left you out of breath “I’m just your brother who you haven’t seen in a long time… Why should I get a hug?”

The older Styles rolled her eyes “Because I see you in every social media post there is you dork! Besides, I have had Y/N in my life rather recently compared to living with you under the same roof for almost seventeen years”

Harry placed his hand over his heart and mocked a hurt expression, making his sister laugh before she moved on to wrap him into a hug.

“I missed you, you wanker” She said, hiding some love in the insult.

“Me too, jerk”

“But I missed Y/N more” She said with a grin, pulling away from Harry and turning back to you. Intertwining your arms so you’d walk together into the living room “So, I was telling you…”

Hours flew by and before you’d realized it was almost 2 am when you and Gemma made your ways to your respected rooms. You noticed that Harry went to bed a little earlier and you guessed he would be asleep by now.

You found your boyfriend safe and tucked away in dreams once you opened the door. You smiled to yourself as you admired his sleeping figure sprawled all over the bed with one arm spread over your side, waiting for you to cuddle up against it.

A yawn flew through you as the exhaustion of the day settled in. You quickly changed into your cozy pajamas, did your nighttime routine and layed in bed next to Harry, who, as soon as he felt you by his side, pulled your body closer to him.

“Hi” He said in a whisper, kissing the shell of your ear.

“I thought you were sleeping, H” You giggled as you felt his hand caress your side.

“Couldn’t sleep well without you, you know that”

And indeed you did. Harry always complained whenever he was on tour that he missed you too much and that he needed you even more “I just feel better when I’m with you, love. I do better. It’s like you are my lucky charm or something” He’d always said before he convinced you to travel the world with him. And, to be honest, you did not need that much convincing. If you could spend all your living days with Harry, you would.

“Wha’ time is it anyways?” He asked.

“Late” You shrugged, turning your body so you were facing him “I’m sorry. We didn’t realize we spent all night talking”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows “Why are you apologizing for? I love when you spend time with my family”

“But I almost didn’t spend time with you!”

Harry chuckled “It’s okay, love. I know how my mum and sister can get whenever you are around. They love you almost as much as I do”

“Well, Gemma did say she loved me more....” You teased, making Harry scoff.

“Not possible” He pressed his lips to yours, trying to make your worry disappear “‘m serious, though. Don’t be sorry for spending too much time with them. I swear it 's fine. We could have time for ourselves at any point of the Holiday”

You murmured a soft ‘okay’ before drifting into a peaceful sleep. Harry watched you sleep for a few minutes, taking in the joyful peace that your presence gifted to him whenever you were around. Thinking about how he cannot wait to make you an official Styles.

However, that was not going to be an easy job.

*

As the day passed, you and Harry had less and less time for yourselves as Anne and Gemma got you two completely busy with different activities. From getting the groceries, to help one of them decorate the house or even to just take a walk. You were never not doing something.

And it wasn’t like a bad thing either. On the contrary, you were having the time of your life sharing all of these amazing traditions with Harry’s family. They made you feel welcome and cared for, something that was fairly new to you since you met Harry.

You loved decorating the House and baking cookies with Anne, and it felt so great to have a friend like Gemma around to take the seriousness out of a serious situation and just let you have your fun. But you would be lying if you’d say that you don’t miss your boyfriend.

Even though Harry was always just mere feet from you, he was also caught up in various activities and could barely spend any time with you and that was making him frustrated.

The Holidays were stressful enough, but for Harry this took a whole other level when he thought about the proposal and how many times he failed at getting you two alone so he could do it.

The first miss opportunity came when it started snowing the day after your arrival. He knew how much you loved snow because, in your own words, it made it all seem magical. So when he woke up early that day, he decided that now was the time and that he was ready to pop up the big question. He was going to ask you to play in the snow - just like you usually do - and make a snowman. But the surprise would come with the ring that would be on the snowman’s finger, ready to be placed on your hand if you said yes. Sadly, when you two got ready to go and play, Anne solicited yours and Harry’s help to go and take some food to the shelter that was not so far away from here, a tradition the Styles’ family have been doing since Harry was a baby. When you came back, most of the snow had melted and you were too tired to even think of going outside again.

The second time Harry’s plan got held up was on a frosty night. He had prepared a cozy inside picnic in front of the fireplace for only you and him. He knew that Anne would be out with some of her friends and that Gemma had plans to meet up with someone on a date, so they wouldn’t be able to interrupt in any way. He got a bottle of wine, a charcuterie board, some chocolate covered strawberries, a fluffy blanket and some candles to light up the dark room. He also made you change in your pajamas so you’ll be even more comfortable during the date. Everything went according to plan, his hand almost reaching for the velvet box he hid under one of the couch’s cushions when Gemma came early from her date, completely ruining the moment as she came into the room fuming because she got stood up. Needless to say he did not propose that night.

Harry was convinced that the third time was the charm. Since it was obvious he couldn’t propose in the house without being rudely interrupted every time, he was going to take you out for lunch and then go ice skating, one of your favorite winter activities. Yes, he was aware that it wasn’t his most elaborated plans, but he didn’t know what to do. Plus, he had talked to the owner of the ice skating pit beforehand, asking him to please let them have at least one hour of privacy so he could propose in peace. The owner even promised him to play the playlist Harry made for you and to add some special lightning to make the moment more romantic.

Feeling excited, Harry ran down the stairs to give you the news of your date. But his face fell when he saw you getting ready to go out with Gemma and his mum.

“Are you going out?” He asked as he saw you put on your coat.

“Yes,” You answered with a smile, but that smile soon felt when you saw the disappointment in Harry’s eyes “Your mum asked me and Gemma to go for a last minute shopping run… Harry are you okay, love?”

Your boyfriend closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he acquired whenever he was frustrated “‘m perfect” He mumbled, turning around to go back to your shared room.

But you were quicker as you grabbed him softly by the arm to make him stop in his tracks. Slowly making him turn around so he was face to face with you “Don’t lie, H. What is going on?”

“‘m just,” He started, but he couldn’t even look you in the eyes as he tried to find the right words to say to you, almost feeling like he is failing you somehow “We never got the chance to spend some time together, Y/N. You are always busy or I am always busy with my mum or with Gemma that I almost didn’t see you this whole trip and I-I just miss you”

Your eyes softened and your heart fluttered with his words. You missed him too, much more than you could say. Everytime you find some time for yourselves you get interrupted and by the end of the day you are both too tired to do anything else besides sleeping. You could tell Harry was frustrated by this whole ordeal, you just didn’t imagine it would affect him this much.

You cupped his cheek and brought him into a sweet kiss “I miss you too, love. Very much” You watched how Harry’s green eyes softened, but they still held an unspoken sadness “If you want me to stay with you, then I’ll stay with you. I don’t need to go with them, you know?”

Harry sighed, placing his hand over yours and caressing it with his thumb “I know” He said as he gave a kiss to your palm “You know how much I love seeing you hanging out with them and I know how much you enjoy it. You should go”

“But Harry-”

“Go, have fun!” He said in a cheerful tone as he brought you closer to give you a hug “I’ll be fine, love. I just want you to remember this Holiday and to enjoy it as much as you can”

“Are you sure? Because I can stay if you-”

“‘m sure,” He smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead, “Go, darling. They must be waitin’”

You smiled back at him and pecked his lips before turning around and closing the front door. Missing for just a second the way Harry’s smile dropped as he saw his plan being shut down once again.

*

He wasn’t proud of his last resort. He knew you deserved an epic proposal, something that could come out from an Oscar winning movie. Something that was as special as you are. And he was beating himself for ruining every chance he’s got to do this properly, but he promised himself that he would not let you - nor him - return home without a shiny rock on your hand. And a Styles never backs down from a promise.

So, with his heart almost beating out of his chest, he placed the gift bag with the other gifts that adorned the living room. Everything will be done tomorrow and there is no turning back now. It was now or never.

The next morning, you found yourself caught up in another Styles’ tradition. You were all sitting in the living room wearing your coziest pajamas as you drank hot cocoa and ate some gingerbread cookies with a pinch of peppermint. It was almost time to open the presents and you could tell Harry was feeling rather anxious.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked as you curreled up to him on the couch that was facing Anne and Gemma, who were already starting to distribute the presents among you.

Harry hummed as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, turning his face so he was looking at you. He could swear in that moment that he has never seen someone as beautiful as you right now as you watched him with doe eyes, your hair a little bit messy and a thin layer of chocolate decorating your upper lip. He was completely and utterly in love with you.

“Yeah, why’d you ask?”

You shrugged “You were tossing and turning a lot last night, almost like you were nervous or something. Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Harry smiled “I got you, don’t I? How could anything not be alright?”

You rolled your eyes at his cheesy remark, but quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Harry didn’t miss the way your cheeks blushed.

“I asked Anne and Gemma to give us a day for ourselves” You said after a moment. Harry looked at you surprised. You couldn't know..? “I told them I felt guilty that I haven’t spent any time with you since we arrived and they understood” You smiled at him “I got you all for myself today, mr. Styles”

Harry’s eyes filled with glee as he brought your lips to him, kissing you with all the love he could pour at the moment.

“Uh, mum?” Gemma’s voice interrupted the scene “I don’t think this is mine” She said as she opened a gift bag.

“No? It’s a jewelry bag so I thought-”

Gemma shook her head “No! This is definitely not for me” She said as she took the little velvet box from inside, making the room go completely quiet. In that moment, all eyes went to Harry as he watched the scene with horror.

“Oh shit” He said, untangling himself form you so he could grab the box from his sister’s hand “Actually, this is mine”

All three of you stayed quiet as he grabbed your hand and kneeled in front of your sitting figure on the sofa.

“Oh my god” You said, covering your mouth that almost fell to the ground because of the shock.

“Oh my god” Gemma and Anne said in unison as they realized what was happening in front of them.

“Y/N,” Harry said looking into your eyes “Let me start by saying that this is not how things were supposed to go. And I’m not just talking about my sister opening your gift. I’ve been trying to propose for as long as this Holiday lasted. Waiting for the perfect moment because you are my perfect half, my soulmate and you deserve nothing less than pure and utter perfection, my love. And I’m sorry I can’t give that to you now”

You could feel the tears pouring down your face since the moment he kneeled in front of you, but hearing Harry say that he wanted to propose all along made you cry harder, how did you get so lucky?

“I knew I had to do this here, for this is the place where I knew I wanted to marry you the first time we came to visit. I have loved you from the very first moment you said hello, and I knew from that instant that you were going to become my favorite hello and my most painful goodbye. Y/N you are magic, my love. My lucky charm. Everything I do, everything I say or think or sing is for and because of you. You are my muse and my best friend. My anchor and my wings. I cannot live without you nor do I ever want to. You have bewitched me body and soul and I love you. I love you. I love you”

You could hear the distant sobs of Anne in the background, but all you could see was Harry. Harry, your best friend and lover. Harry, the person who filled your life with love and light. Harry, who was now on one knee, with tears in his eyes and a ring on his hand. Harry. Harry. Harry.

“You don’t have to say yes, but I really hope that you do. Y/N, my love. I love you more than life itself, you have made me a better man by loving me the way that you do. Let me love you the same now and forever. Will you marry me?”

You nodded through the tears “Yes, Harry. A million times yes!”

You swore Harry’s smile could light up the world in that moment as he slid the ring down your finger. But you didn’t even look as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him like his mum and sister weren’t watching, throwing the both of you to the floor.

Anne and Gemma started clapping, celebrating the new beginning of the young couple. Because these holidays had a new meaning now, since now and forever they will be remembered as the day you said “yes” to the love of your life.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @multistann @mystic-232

[pentechnics]

Puzzle Piece

Chapter 12 of Of Love and Time

Summary: Your sickness takes over. A surprise visitor just might have an unexpected cure. You discover a space filling up that you didn't even know was empty.

Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!reader (no y/n)

Series content: teacher/parent AU, fluff, slow burn, lots of mutual pining, sexual tension, mentions of past trauma (tagged in detail for specific chapters), depictions of violence (nothing explicit, no gore), angst, a dash of hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, Grogu is at the equivalent age of a human 4-year-old and can speak

Notes: Y'ALL. Okay. I seriously need your attention for a sec before you start reading. This chapter right here? This is the chapter. The one I've been waiting to write ever since I thought of this idea, which happened around when I posted chapter 2 or 3. I have poured my entire soul into this one and I am SO HAPPY with it. I fought so hard with myself, wondering if it was ready to post or not, and I'm not sure why, but it's here now and I hope y'all enjoy. I have been dying to share it with you!! But this is where things get tricky and I'll need your help. I'm worried that now that I've written this one, that I might lose motivation for this story. Especially as new fic ideas start to crowd my brain. I'm 100% still writing this fic and seeing it through to the end, fret not, but it's just that chapters might take a bit longer to get out than they have so far. So just pls keep up the love and let me know you're still invested! It'll definitely help with my motivation! Also if any fellow fic writers have any advice for this phenomenon?? It'd be greatly welcomed and appreciated! 🥺

Okay, that's all! Thank you for your attention! Please enjoy this Long Boi and let me know what you think! I'll say this now because I have a feeling I'll be saying it a lot as you all react: you're welcome, and I am sorry. 😜

I'm beyond grateful for all the love you continue to give this story. It means the world to me! I love you all so much! ❤️

As always, taglist is under the cut! Let me know if you'd like to be added!

Chapter content: mention of vomiting, nothing descriptive

“...Din?”

It was hardly a whisper. You were frozen in place, staring at Din, who stood on your porch with several bags cradled in his hands. His brown shoulder bag was also slung across his body. Butterflies filled your gut as if a box filled with them had been opened, releasing them to freedom. You blinked several times to make sure you weren’t hallucinating.

“Are you okay? I… heard you weren’t well.”

The sound of his velvety voice after so long felt like a splash of cool water on your burning face. You took in a gulp of air.

“I-um, yeah, just a little under the weather.” You hated how coarse you sounded, but pushed the thought away and stood to the side, opening the door for him.

“Come in.”

He nodded and made his way through the door. Your mind was racing with questions — the loudest one being how you were supposed to treat this encounter. You stepped toward him after shutting the door and took a breath, gesturing to what looked like every grocery item the planet had to offer.

“What’s all this?”

Din set the bags down before looking back at you. “I was asked to deliver something to you.”

“Was it the entire grocery store?” You teased, trying to add a little laugh that came out sounding like a dying Loth Cat.

Din reached into his shoulder bag and produced a large piece of yellow poster paper.

“This is from your students.”

Your lips parted as you looked between Din and the paper, your frail hands accepting it from him. The cover read ‘Get Well Soon!’ in very squiggly writing, along with a variety of little drawings — planets, creatures, hearts and other shapes, even some portraits of the artists themselves — surrounding the words. You bit your lip as your heart swelled.

You opened up the card to find fourteen little messages with a signature and drawings next to each one. They wished you well, said they missed you, and sent you soup and other treats via their drawings. It was all so precious. But the message that had you fighting tears was near the bottom on the right side, next to a heart and a familiar-looking drawing of a Blurrg:

“You can count on us too, Miss! Like 1 2 3! We love you, feel better soon! -All of us”

You cupped your mouth with a hand and took in a breath through your nose while you took in the sweet words. Their kindness sent a wave of warmth through you, like a fuzzy blanket tucked around your heart. It was overwhelming. You closed the card and held it to your chest, watery eyes returning to Din.

“Thank you for delivering this. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.”

You glanced back down at the pile of bags at Din’s feet.

“So then, what’s up with all that?”

Din looked at the pile as well, gloved hand coming up to scratch his neck.

“I-uh, wasn’t sure what you liked, so I picked up a few different things.”

Your mind went blank. You opened your mouth to say something, but your brain wasn’t producing any words.

“I wasn’t sure what you were sick with, either, so I brought stuff to help different problems.”

“You-... you got all this for me?” you asked, your tone betraying your disbelief.

“Din, you didn’t have to do that-”

“I know.”

His gaze snapped to you, arms snapping to his sides.

“I wanted to.”

You sighed and gave him a weak smile.

“Well, thank you. I… really appreciate it.”

He nodded before picking up a couple of the bags.

“There are some things that need to be refrigerated, could I…?” he jabbed his head towards your living room.

“Oh- yeah, of course. The kitchen’s just through there.” You stepped into the living room and pointed the way for him.

“Thank you.”

Just before you could offer to take care of it yourself, he cut you off.

“Don’t even. I’ll just be a minute.”

You were caught off guard, but recovered after a moment with a laugh and a shake of your head. You tucked the card into the space between your wall and your holo stand and stepped back to the entryway to peek in the other bags. Some crackers, various hydrators, fresh produce, and other such goodies were tucked inside.

Wait- were those your favorite cookies in there? Your brow raised as you eyed the box.

“So what have your symptoms been?”

Your head snapped up as Din re-entered the room, causing it to throb. You squeezed your eyes shut.

“Um, I’ve been vomiting, my head’s hurting, chills, when I stand up I get kinda light-headed. I can’t really tell if I have a fever or not since I’ve been constantly hot and cold.”

Din didn’t answer right away. You heard a tiny beeping sound.

“You’re burning up.”

You opened your eyes and tilted your head. Din just pointed to his helmet.

“Ah, thermal map?”

He nodded.

“Very cool,” you said with a nod. He took a step towards you.

“You know, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone with symptoms like that. It could be dangerous if you faint or fall.”

“I’ll be fine,” you insisted.

He tilted his head in that exasperated way.

“You’re not standing straight, Missy.”

“Pssh,” you scoffed, “sure I am.”

You were wrong. A moment later you were falling over. Din was quick to catch you. You grasped his upper arms to steady yourself.

“Yeah, okay — I’m cashing in my winnings from the race now.”

You looked up at him.

“Let me help you. I just want to make sure you’ll be okay.”

You stared into his visor, unsure of what to do.

“Say the word and I’ll leave. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. But… I’m worried for you. If you’ll let me, I’d like to help.”

You couldn’t help feeling guilty; after everything you’d done, he still wants to help you? It didn’t make total sense, but you weren’t in a position to say no. Not when he was right and you were presently too dizzy to stand on your own. And you couldn’t lie — the last thing you wanted was for him to leave.

“... Okay.”

He let out a breathy sigh.

“Thank you. Let’s sit you down now, okay?”

You nodded and let Din walk you over to the couch. He pulled your covers up over your legs. You smiled and invited him to sit next to you. He did so, though he kept himself stiff as a board.

“So when did this start?” he asked.

“Early this morning.” you said, letting yourself hit the back of the couch. You recounted the details of waking up to a nasty surprise and then calling in sick.

“I’m sorry that happened,” he said when you finished. “It sounds familiar to me, though.”

“What do you think it is?”

“My best guess is stress,” he said as he turned his body to face you. “You might’ve put yourself through too much, and now your body’s shutting down and forcing you to rest.”

You scoffed. “Sounds like me.”

A light silence fell over you both. You were grateful it wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward, but the guilt of not contacting him in so long still swirled about in your mind.

“One thing that might help is letting it out. What sort of stress have you been holding?”

You looked at him with raised brows, you brain going through a checklist of what had been bothering you as of late: having feelings for Din, not knowing how to express them, knowing you shouldn’t express them — yet, at least — guilt for leaving him hanging, fear over how he felt about you now, guilt for not telling Gila about what happened and going through whatever process that would jumpstart-

Your stomach churned again. There really was a lot on your mind. You took a breath.

“Well,” you started, “I guess I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking about things. And some of it has been hard to work through.”

He motioned for you to continue.

You bit your lip. He said to let it out, right? What was the use in keeping this in, especially now that Din was right in front of you? You let your tongue take over and say the first thing to come to mind.

“I was scared you were angry with me.”

“What? Why?” He asked with a tilt of his head and a small scoff.

“I shouldn’t have run out on you like that, and I’m sorry I haven’t called or messaged you. I just needed to figure myself out and there’s so much to talk about… I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Hey, wait,” he scooched a bit closer to you. “I don’t blame you for that. Not at all.”

You looked at him. There was no way for you to visually gauge his sincerity, but you didn’t need to — it was in his voice.

“I understand that the circumstances are tricky. I knew that going into it, but I guess I couldn’t help myself.”

You gave him a little smile.

“I am sorry, though,” he continued, “I don’t regret doing it, but I do regret the pain it’s causing you.”

“I don’t regret it either, really, but I do have to report myself to the admins for it. And I just don’t know what that’s going to look like.”

He let out an irritated sigh.

“I’m so sorry, Miss.”

“Hey,” you placed a hand on his where it rested on his thigh. “I might be scared, but I can face the music. I’m just worried about what it’ll mean for you and Grogu.”

He turned his palm up to clasp your hand.

“Don’t worry about us,” he said, visor locked on you. “We’ve seen worse.”

You took in a breath and gave him a small grin.

“See? How does that feel now?”

“A little lighter.”

“Good.”

You squeezed his hand.

“Thank you for listening.”

He nodded.

“So then…” you trailed off, eyes finding his visor again. “Are we okay?”

He bowed his head down to you, scooching closer before sandwiching your hand in both of his.

“Of course.”

You smiled.

“I do think we should have an actual conversation about everything, just so we know we’re on the same page.”

“That sounds good,” he said with another nod. “But let’s wait until you’re better, okay? Wouldn’t want to aggravate your system while it’s healing.”

You grinned.

“Smart idea.”

He caressed your hand with both of his. The feeling reminded you of that night, when he drove you home and told you his name. You remembered how much you wanted to keep holding on. You took a deep breath and squeezed his hand.

Just as you were settling back into silence, your stomach lurched. Your hand flew up to your mouth. Din sprang into action and handed you one of the stray plastic bags. You projected your head into it just in time to let your body release whatever infuriating substance that remained in your stomach. Your throat burned with each heave.

After a moment you felt Din scooch closer to you, gathering your hair behind your head. One hand held it back and the other came to rest between your shoulder blades. His fingers ran slowly back and forth from their position. The sensation was so gentle and warm; it immediately began to ease the tension in your body. You sighed before your body jumped back into its protest.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Din whispered.

“Let it all out, I’ve got you.”

After some more coughs and spurts, your breathing evened out. You poked your eyes out from the bag and looked around your messy floor. The sight of discarded gloves and gauntlets had you furrowing your brow.

Your eyes widened as Din’s bare hand held the tissue box out to you.

It was beautiful — large, with thick, defined appendages. Glowing brown skin that had you gasping for breath for reasons unrelated to your health. You took a tissue to wipe off your face and kept your gaze away, a bit grateful for the excuse to hide your flushed cheeks.

After tying the bag shut Din took it from your shivering hands and set it on the floor.

“Let’s lay you back down.”

He gently gripped your shoulders and guided your weary frame back down onto the couch. He removed his cape and draped it onto you, then brought up your covers and tucked them around you.

“I’m going to go take care of this for you real quick, okay? I’ll be back.”

You whispered a hoarse ‘okay’ in response. You stared into his visor and tried to manage a little smile to show your gratitude. He gave your shoulder a small squeeze and stood from the couch. He gathered up all the bags holding the contents of your current and previous episodes from throughout the day and turned back to you.

“Is the trash bin out back?” he asked.

You nodded and pointed behind you.

“By the back door.”

He nodded and walked off. You sighed and rubbed the worn fabric of his cape between your fingers. Despite the lingering embarrassment of the situation, you were happy he was there. Both he and Gila had been right about it being a bad idea to try handling this alone. And his presence was so soothing — like reaching an oasis after spending weeks in the bone-dry desert, moments away from your last breath only to be saved by the relief of sweet water down your parched throat.

With the thought of parched throats, you eyed your water bottle on the ground. But your face immediately scrunched up at the notion of putting more things in your body. You shook your head and pulled Din’s cape over your mouth, closing your eyes and resting your head against the couch. The faint sound of running water filled your ears as you focused on your breathing.

You heard the faint tap of Din’s boots on your carpet before some shuffling, then the sound of plastic being moved about. Moments later the couch sunk beside you as Din sat back down. He brushed a stray hair out of your face before his hand came to rest on your forehead. You sighed and leaned into the contact. His skin was cool against the fresh sweat that covered yours. His thumb traced upward from your eyebrow in a continuous motion. Your muscles relaxed.

“Is that a little better?” came his gentle tone.

You nodded under his hand.

“Good. Just keep resting, okay?”

He replaced his hand with a damp cloth before he stood from the couch. You frowned and cracked your eyes open. Din was opening your living room window, mindful to keep the curtain down to shield you from the sunlight. Once he was finished, he strode across the room once more. “I’ll be right back,” he called.

You closed your eyes again. The calming sound of a wind chime swaying in the breeze flew through the window. You focused on it to keep from thinking about your stomach.

~~~

Boba finished preparing ingredients for dinner as his comm buzzed in his pocket. It was a message from Din.

‘I’m going to stay here for a while,’ it read, ‘She’s really not doing well and it’s not safe to leave her alone.’

Boba let out a small ‘huh.’ He began typing a reply.

‘Figured it was bad. We’ll take care of the child. Give her our best.’

He moved to pocket his comm when a light bulb went off in his head. He whipped the message feed back up and added another note.

‘Packed you some spare clothes in your sack. Y’know, just in case. Let us know if you two need anything.’

Boba set the comm in his pocket and headed over to where Fennec and Grogu sat on the sofa in the living room, watching a program about the misadventures of some fictional aquatic creature. They both turned to him.

“Any word from Mando?” Fennec asked.

Boba nodded.

“He’s with her now. She’s very sick, so he’ll be staying with her to make sure she’s taken care of.”

“Is Miss gonna be okay?” Grogu asked, wringing his fingers together in his lap. Fennec tugged him into her side.

“She’ll be just fine, kiddo. Promise.”

Boba nodded in agreement and knelt down to look at Grogu before adding,

“And now your papa is there to help, and he gave her the special card you all made. I bet she’ll be better even faster than you think.”

“Really?” Grogu asked with a smile.

“Maybe,” Boba said with a shrug. “It’s always possible.”

Boba gave Grogu a wink, which made him giggle.

“Miss is gonna be better soon,” Grogu said, clenching his hands into fists.

“That’s right. No need to worry, little guy.”

Boba stood and patted Grogu on the head.

“How about a little treat before dinner?”

“His dad wouldn’t be too thrilled about that,” Fennec said between chuckles.

“Well, he’s not here now, is he?” Boba replied, booping Grogu’s nose while giving him a mischievous smile.

“Shh, I won’t tell,” Grogu whispered, putting a little finger to his mouth.

The three of them shared a laugh. Boba lifted Grogu into his arms and the trio made their way into the kitchen to peruse their options.

~~~

You blinked your eyes open and immediately winced at the pain returning to your head. Din was sitting next to you, head facing the holofeed. He turned to you as you stirred.

“Hey,” he said.

He had removed his boots and the rest of his armor, the pieces sitting in a neat pile against the wall.

“Did I fall asleep?” you asked, removing the now warm cloth from your face.

“Yeah, for a little bit. How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” you said with a little yawn. “My head’s still killing me, though.”

He nodded.

“It might be a good time to try these out.”

He reached behind him and produced a box of plain crackers. You pulled the covers over your mouth.

“Don’t worry, these are meant to stay down. It’ll be a good start for your stomach.”

You looked up at him. He solidified his words with a nod.

“We’ll need to get some food in you before you can take any medicine.”

You furrowed your brow before slowly nodding and sitting up. He opened the box and handed you a packet of crackers. You took one out and examined it. Big salt crystals decorated its surface, and little holes created a neat pattern in its center.

“It’ll be okay. I’ve got you.”

You glanced at Din before taking a deep breath and biting into the cracker. Its salty flavor pleased your taste buds, and you didn’t feel any dread from your body as you swallowed.

“It’s good,” you said as you finished it off.

“I’m glad. Grogu likes these a lot. I honestly think they’re too salty.”

“The salt is the best part!” you said with a little giggle, taking out another cracker.

He laughed and shook his head.

“Just be careful, don’t eat them too fast. I’m guessing you haven’t had much food today.”

You shook your head.

“We’ll get you a real meal after your body adjusts to those. Once you’ve had a few more, try one of these.”

He reached behind him again and pulled out a bright green drink in a tiny bottle.

“This is filled with electrolytes, it’ll help replenish your body. It’s also meant to be easier on your stomach.”

“Okay,” you took the little bottle and placed it in your lap next to your crackers.

“Thank you again for all this, Din. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

He gently placed his hand on your knee.

“It’s my pleasure, Miss.”

You stared at his hand. Large and strong, easily taking up the entire surface area of your knee with space to spare. Bones protruded through the skin as his fingers moved about. A similar sense of confusion flooded your senses, just like when you saw his chin. Was this a sight you deserved to see? What made him trust you enough to be so vulnerable? You looked up at him.

“I know we said we were going to wait, but… can I ask you something?”

His visor locked onto you, his hand going stiff on your knee.

“Okay.”

“Why me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked back with a tilt of the head.

“I mean… I guess I’m just wondering how you trust me enough to do things like this-” you motioned to his bare hand before looking back up.

“We haven’t known each other very long, and I know gestures like this are a big deal, so I don’t quite understand it.”

He didn’t answer right away. A little ‘tch’ sound bounced out of his modulator before he shifted to face you.

“Let me tell you, then.”

He took his hand away from your knee and tucked your hair behind your ear.

“For me, trusting someone isn’t so much a matter of time. It’s a matter of action. Of words. I choose to trust someone after seeing for myself what makes them who they are, and how they treat other people. With you…”

His knuckles ran up and down your cheek. Your heart rate increased as electricity flowed through your face. You were blown away by how soft his skin was. You gulped and tried to focus on his words instead of the way his touch clouded your mind.

“With you, I knew I could trust you after talking to you about Grogu those first few times. It didn’t take long, because he’d come home and rave about you. And I trust his judgement. Then I’d go see you and you’d be the same way about him. That told me you genuinely cared about him.

As time went on and I saw more of you, I noticed more things that I liked. And I wanted to start trusting you… with myself.”

Your mind went blank. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Your tongue ran on without you, your brain too tired to think before speaking.

“Din,” you breathed, “how does someone as broken as me give you the confidence to do that?”

He sat straighter.

“What? Broken?”

A little shock pierced your gut. He sounded angry. You looked down at your crackers.

“I just- I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people don’t typically stay around me for very long. Gila’s the one exception but more often than not, I’m more of a pit stop.”

You took a breath.

“Something about me makes people leave. I don’t know what, but I don’t want to disappoint you by not being capable of being constant or long-lasting. I don’t want you to regret any of these choices.”

You stared at his hand again, memorizing every curve of the bones, every little spot that decorated the beautiful skin. You took it all in as if this would be the last time you’d ever get to see it.

“Hey- look at me.”

You didn’t move. You couldn’t bear to look. Your chest fell with the heft of your words, a dull pain seeping through. He called your name as he grabbed your chin and brought your face up. You froze in his grip.

“There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing you’ve done has made you deserve to be treated badly. I need you to understand that.”

You didn’t say a word.

“And I know it hurts,” he went on, “but you can’t let those experiences stop you from letting people in. Believe me.”

All you could do was stare as he continued, hand leaving your chin and coming around to cup your cheek.

“You are an incredible person. Strong, smart, determined, feisty,” he let out a little laugh.

“… Breathtaking… in every sense of the word.”

He paused with a sigh, thumb sweeping across the apple of your cheek.

“Just because some people couldn’t handle all of that does not mean you have done anything wrong. Those traits are part of what makes you you, things I have grown to... appreciate.”

You had a feeling that last word wasn’t what he wanted to say, but you didn’t push it. You were helpless under his gaze, mind completely blank. He whispered your name, soft and tender, like he was keeping it safe on his lips. The sound of it filled your heart with warmth and life, as if a dormant volcano was suddenly erupting in your soul. His hand fell to your shoulder before he continued.

“I choose to trust you because of the person you’ve shown to me. All of those things, plus how kind, loyal, caring, selfless…”

His hand squeezed your shoulder, his other one moving to cover one of yours in your lap. How was his skin so soft? The contact sent a blaze through your every nerve.

“... and so, so much more, that you are. You deserve to have people in your life that recognize and uplift these things about you — don’t forget that.”

Those words pierced you, as if you’d been shot in the heart with a blaster. You hadn’t expected any of this. Your chest squeezed as tears pricked behind your eyes.

“You want to know what amazes me most about you?”

You didn’t speak. You hardly breathed.

“How you choose to love people. Even though life has been cold to you, you go into it with warmth. You treat everyone with the things you weren’t even getting. That kind of love is so rare. Don’t you see, that’s what defines you — the way you choose to love despite what you’ve been through. Does that really sound broken to you?”

A tear spilled from your eye. Your mind was swimming. Your heart was pounding. You stared at Din as he tilted his head closer to you, his thumb running across your knuckles. You didn’t know what else to do other than lean forward, your head falling onto his shoulder. His muscles tensed before settling again under your touch, his hands coming to rest on your back. He quietly cleared his throat before pulling you a little closer.

It was as if he’d taken your abused heart and kissed the bruises that decorated it. Not getting rid of them, but easing the ache, and then held it close to protect the fragile organ from further harm.

He held you in his arms like the most precious of gems: a gentle and firm caress that had you sighing against the fabric of his flight suit. You mumbled a little ‘thank you,’ and he squeezed your frame.

You’d never felt so at home before. He was so warm. So safe. His being encased you in a shield of soft affection that you never wanted to part from. You surrendered to the sensation, your hand coming up to rest on Din’s chest.

This was different from when he’d held you as the two of you put Grogu to bed — this was yours. Right now, he was all yours.

And you were all his.

~~~

“Yeah, I think that’s doable,” Gila said into her comm. She jotted a note down as she spoke.

“What other ideas did you have?”

A small knock proceeded Kos entering her office, waving a hand in apology. She nodded at them.

“Someone wants to see you, says it’s urgent.”

Gila scrunched her brow, ducking her head towards her comm.

“Hey- I’m going to have to call you back.”

After a brief goodbye she hung up the call and asked Kos to send in the visitor. Her brow shot up and her mouth made an ‘o’ as they walked in. Kos closed the door to her office, leaving the two alone.

“I didn’t know you were still here — what can I do for you?”

The visitor walked up and took a seat across from Gila, hands folded together in their lap.

“I need to file a report.”

~~~

You weren’t sure how long you stayed in Din’s arms before your stomach growled. To your dismay he nudged you back up and encouraged you to keep eating, separating from you aside from a hand on your leg.

Once you’d had a few more crackers and downed the little bottle of green liquid, energy slowly began to flow through your system. The dried layers of sweat on your face became more apparent when you scratched your nose. You grimaced.

“I feel kinda gross,” you said, “I think I’m okay enough to take a shower.”

“Sounds good, in the meantime I’ll get some food ready for you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“On one condition,” you held up a finger. He tilted his head.

“You make sure to eat, too. Can’t be taking care of me if you’re not also cared for.”

He scoffed.

“Says you, Missy.”

You tried to keep down a chuckle and fix him with a look.

“But don’t worry. I will.”

You smiled and poised your feet on the ground. You took a deep breath and held onto Din’s offered hand to hoist yourself up, your other one holding his cape to your frame. You wobbled a bit before finding your footing, your mind still going foggy from the movement.

Din stood with you and gathered your things into a bag.

“You okay to walk?” he asked.

“I think so,” you said, wrapping the cape around your shoulders. You took a few small steps towards the stairs, Din staying just behind you.

You made it to the staircase before you needed to stop, your body still weak and heavy. Din placed a hand on your back.

“Can you make it up?”

You took your breaths slow and deep, never feeling like you were getting enough air. You glanced up at Din with a small shrug. He stepped closer and wrapped his arm around you.

“May I?”

You nodded. But you didn’t expect him to scoop you up in his arms, balancing the bag of items in his hand while his arm came under your knees to hold you secure. You let out a little squeal; he snickered.

Your head landed in the crook of his neck. The fabric of his cowl was softer against your skin than his flight suit. Half of your face was shielded by the lip of his helmet, cloaking your vision in partial darkness. The slight turbulence that came with each step had you slightly bumping up and down in Din’s grasp, the motions relaxing you when paired with the heat from his body.

Your mind wandered to your dreams, where your head ended up in this spot almost every time. In a home, in a park, in other places you didn’t recognize. No matter the context, you gravitated to it. Now that you were actually here, it was no wonder your subconscious wanted it so badly. You fit perfectly, like this spot was made for your head to rest on. You smiled and nuzzled into the cowl, breathing in that crisp scent that always accompanied Din’s presence.

His neck muscles flexed when he swallowed. He gave you a little squeeze.

When you two made it up the stairs, you pointed the way to your room, reassuring him with a giggle that he could enter when he hesitated at the door. He set you down by your bed and began placing your essentials on your nightstand. You tossed the cape on the bed and started walking towards the bathroom.

“I’ll go start on the food now,” Din said when he finished. “Is there anything you’d like me to bring from downstairs?”

You stopped to face him and thought for a moment. You briefly remembered that cookie box you spotted and bit your lip.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring the cookies.”

Your wide eyes snapped to him, and he laughed. He doubled over, hand on his knee, and he laughed.

There it was. The belly laugh you’d been aching to hear. Nothing was covering it up, nothing at all interrupted the path between his laugh and your ears. It only lasted for a moment but it had you gasping for air.

It was beautiful.

The ethereal sound of his baritone hysterics reverberated through every inch of your body, sending goosebumps up your arms. Your cheeks ached from the stretch of your smile.

“How did you know?” you asked, glee pouring out of your voice. He took a second to catch his breath.

“I saw you looking at them earlier. Guess I made a good choice.”

You giggled.

“Anything else?”

You shook your head.

“I think I’m good. But bring anything you want, too, and please use whatever you need. Just make yourself at home.”

“Thank you,” he said with a nod before making his way out.

You crept into your bathroom and popped into the shower. The warm water did little to help your situation. Your body was already so hot, but a cold shower would only exacerbate your symptoms. Though washing away the sweat and grime from the day still filled you with a sense of refreshment. You took your time, washing off every surface and letting the steam cleanse your sinuses.

There were moments when you’d talk yourself into staying in there just a bit longer, so that Din would have more time to eat in peace.

When you were done you changed into a clean set of pajamas and wrapped a towel around your dripping hair. Your body felt a little stronger than it had beforehand, which you were grateful for. Though your steps were still wobbly as you made your way to the door and opened it.

You stopped.

There was Din, sitting on the edge of your bed. A bowl of food sat on your bedside table behind him. The faint daylight from the window bounced off the beskar, making the chrome surfaces glitter like crystal. The image of him here, in your bedroom, having made you a meal, stirred something in you. You wanted to cry.

What gave him the right, you wondered. What gave him the right to bring you to your knees just by existing.

It was as if someone had reached into the recesses of your mind and pulled out your idea of what perfection looked like, then molded it into reality before your eyes. It seemed so natural to have him here, being part of your home. You wondered how you were ever able to live in this room alone, much less the whole house. After this, you never wanted to do that again. A small huff left your lips.

Shit, you thought.

Oh.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

Your head began to spin and your hand clenched around the doorframe. You leaned over, your free hand gripping the air as your legs began to give out.

Din looked up and immediately made his way to you, arms extended in caution. Your eyes never left him.

“Are you okay?”

You blinked as you looked into his visor. Your chest heaved with short breaths. You nodded quickly, not trusting your words to dismiss his worry. He was not convinced.

“Are you sure? Come here.”

He wrapped his arms around you and stood you up straight. He supported your frame as he brought his hand to your forehead, pressing the back of it against your freshly cleaned skin. Your eyes didn’t move from where they stared into the black abyss.

“At least you don’t feel feverish anymore. Let’s get you some food.”

You let him lead you to the bed with his hands on your shoulders.

He helped you settle in. You pulled his cape over your legs before laying against the headboard and letting him put your covers over you. He handed you the bowl. You stared at his figure: broad and strong. Hands capable of just as much gentleness as they were of wrangling bounties. The stories those hands could tell, you thought. You wanted to hear them. You took a couple deep breaths, filing away your thoughts in favor of maintaining at least some of your composure.

You tapped the bed next to you, inviting Din to sit with you. He hesitated, looking between you and the spot before rounding the bed. He stopped again and looked at you. You smiled and nodded, tapping the spot again. He slowly lowered himself down, stretching his legs out beside yours and folding his hands in his lap. The extra weight on the bed had you feeling secure; you smiled.

“Thank you for making this,” you said as you looked at the food.

It was so colorful; Din had created a soup with a clear broth, noodles, and plenty of veggies swimming with what looked like Bantha meat. You recognized most of these ingredients from the grocery bags he’d brought with him.

“I hope you like it. It usually helps me when I’m not well.”

You took a bite. Your eyes went wide.

Warmth encompassed your mouth and spread throughout your body. The combination of flavors from the produce and the perfectly prepared Bantha marched in a colorful parade around your taste buds.

Tears welled in your eyes. It had been so long since you felt this sensation.

“Is it okay?” came Din’s quiet question beside you. You nodded profusely as you swallowed.

“It’s amazing!”

You took another bite, a smile growing despite you trying to chew. Din chuckled.

“Now don’t go too fast, your stomach is still fragile.”

You nodded again. You’d forgotten about that. You slowed down the pace and put your spoon down in the bowl. You looked over at Din.

“Did you eat?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said with a laugh. “I had some soup downstairs.”

“That’s good,” you replied with a nod.

The two of you sat in a small silence. You took a couple more bites of your food. Even though the silence was comfortable, you started worrying that Din might be bored.

“I don’t have a holoconnection in here,” you started, ”but I do have a data pad if you want to watch something… or something.”

He hummed.

“Is there something you’d like to watch?”

“I don’t watch too many things nowadays,” you started, “but there is this one show I found that’s pretty funny. I just started it not too long ago.”

“Let’s do that,” he said, “it’ll probably help get your mind off things.”

You smiled and reached down to retrieve your data pad from your bedside, a hand keeping the soup stable on your lap. Din reached for the data pad, offering to put on the show for you while you continued eating.

“What’s it called?”

“Parks and Recreation.”

He tilted his head toward you.

“I know, it’s a weird title. But I promise it’s funny.”

He huffed and pulled it up, setting the data pad down between his legs and yours.

The next episode in your lineup played. You and Din watched along as you ate your soup. You glanced over every now and then to see if you could gauge a reaction from him.

As the episode went on you got worried; he had been letting out little laughs here and there, but you had no idea what was coming. When Ron Swanson got back together with Tami II again and things got weird, you wondered if he’d be turned off from it.

On the contrary; he laughed all the more. He asked questions. He would point and provide commentary, giving you looks that you swore you could match actual expressions to. You grinned and released the tension in your muscles. He could be very animated when he wanted to. You loved it.

You set the bowl down on your side table once you’d emptied its contents, you and Din having watched three episodes at that point. He paused the show when the third one ended and pointed towards your table.

“There’s some medicine next to your water bottle. It’ll help with your head.”

You gulped it down along with another tiny green bottle that Din had set there for you. You settled back down with a full stomach, a sigh escaping your lips.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better,” you said as you smiled at him. “Thanks to your expert care.”

He chuckled.

“I’m glad.”

He lifted his hand, keeping it still in the air for a moment before placing it on your thigh.

“I… I was worried.”

Your heart swelled at the crack in his voice. He ran his thumb back and forth on your leg. When you looked up at him, his gaze was fixed on his hand.

“I’m sorry to have worried you, Din. I promise I’ll be okay.”

“I know,” he said, looking up. “You’ll be just fine.”

You smiled. A pleasant silence cloaked you both for a moment before you heard a faint beep.

“Oh-” Din breathed as he pressed the side button on his helmet.

“Everything okay?” you asked.

“Yes, Fett’s just updating me on Grogu.”

“Ah,” you started, “how is he?”

“He was worried about you, too. Made sure to tell him that you’d be okay before I left.”

“Aw, that angel,” you whispered as your heart squeezed.

“He wanted to come along, you know. Almost stowed away in my bag.”

You threw your head back and laughed. The image of Din putting on his bag and then opening it to see why it was extra heavy, only to see Grogu’s little pleading face poking out filled you with joy.

“That’s so sweet,” you said when you caught your breath. “I’m sorry to be worrying everyone so much.”

He shrugged.

“That just means we care.”

You smiled.

The two of you jumped into conversation after that, talking more about Grogu and the rest of Din’s little family. He told you more about how they all met and stayed together after Din’s ship was destroyed — what you now realized was the ‘Crest’ in Grogu’s family drawing — and Grogu went off with the Jedi, and then how they decided to continue raising him after he came back.

He told you about having to take an important pit stop on Mandalore before that because he’d wound up with the darksaber. The very same darksaber that gave him claim over the Mandalorian throne. How in the hell did that happen, you asked in utter disbelief. He told you about his face-off with Moff Gideon, and how he’d tried to ditch the glowing sword shortly after getting it.

“The only way they’d let me out of it is if I got publicly challenged and defeated. Bo Katan, the woman who wanted it, insisted the people of Mandalore witness my royal ass-kicking.”

You laughed.

“What even is your life?” you teased.

“A mess,” he deadpanned. You laughed harder.

~~~

Time checked out as the conversation went on. You were enthralled by Din’s tales, no matter how much he tried to play them down. You shared a few of your stories as well. The hours passed you both by, the sun slowly disappearing from the sky and bathing your room with its glowing farewell.

When the night arrived, Din got up to turn the lights on. That’s when reality returned to your mind.

“I don’t know how long you were planning to stay, I know it’s getting late. Do you need to head home?”

Your voice was hesitant. Your health aside, you just didn’t want Din to leave. The idea of being alone in your house after today was almost painful.

He returned to the bed and sat on the edge, right next to your legs.

“I told Fett and Fennec I’d be here for as long as you need me. They’re fully prepared to look after Grogu for however long that is.”

He took your hand in his.

“How do you feel?”

“Fine,” you answered, “I’m still feeling some of it but it’s not as bad as it was earlier.”

“Good,” he said.

The two of you looked at each other for a moment. You weren’t sure what to say next. He probably wouldn’t feel comfortable spending the night, you thought. Plus, he wouldn’t be able to take off his helmet to sleep if he did that.

“I understand if you’d prefer I didn’t stay, but you might relapse in the night.”

Your brow shot up.

“You- you’d be okay with staying?”

“Of course,” he said, squeezing your hand. “LIke I said, I’ll be here for as long as you need. If you’re comfortable with that.”

“I was just worried about you,” you said. “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said with a little laugh.

“If you want to sleep without the helmet, you’re welcome to the guest room. I want you to be able to rest well.”

“I don’t think I would if I couldn’t be here in case something happens,” he said slowly. “But I will do that if you’d prefer it.”

You shook your head with a smile.

“Do you want to wear something more comfortable? I might have something in my closet-”

“It’s okay,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I have some clothes. How about this, I’ll go change while you wash up and we’ll meet back here?”

You nodded. Din helped you stand before taking your dishes downstairs. You walked over to the bathroom and took care of your nightly routine. You looked in the mirror. Your hair flopped about, frizzy and unkempt since you didn’t brush it after showering. Your face was still a little pale, and your clothes hung loose on your frame. Not the way you imagined spending a night with this man for the first time, but you were comforted with his presence all the same. You took a deep breath and headed back to the bedroom, grateful that you were too tired to overthink any of this.

You settled back in your bed. When you heard Din enter the room you turned to the door with a smile, which was quickly replaced with parted lips.

He had changed into a pair of sweats and a zip-up jacket that was half open, leaving his neck exposed to you. Heat rushed to your face; this was more skin than you’d ever seen from him.

He made his way over to the other side of your bed, asking silent permission before settling down beside you. You tried to not let your eyes linger on his collar bone peeking out from the neckline of his shirt. Especially as it flexed when he moved.

As per usual, you failed. You bit your lip and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know if you want this, but there is one little thing we’ve forgotten about.”

Din’s tone was deep. It sent a shiver down your spine. You furrowed your brow, unsure of what he was referring to. You ignored the directions your mind wanted to go in, quietly clearing your throat.

“And what’s that?”

Din kept his visor locked on you as he reached behind him, ducking down to fetch something off the ground next to the bed. He resurfaced with the box of cookies. The sight of it made you gasp.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about those!”

He chuckled.

“You’re probably okay to have a couple. But be careful.”

You nodded and Din opened up the box, pulling out the tray that held the sugary disks within. You grinned as you took one out and ate a bite, relishing the sweet sensation that took over your mouth.

“Good?”

“Mhm,” you mumbled with a nod. Din chuckled before taking out a cookie for himself and setting the tray between you both.

You kept your gaze fixed on your lap when you heard the familiar hiss of his helmet. The gesture filled you with warmth rather than anxiety after your earlier discussion. You smiled and pulled out a second cookie.

“What made you pick these out?” you asked.

“Hard to say,” he replied as he also reached for a second cookie. “I was looking around in the store and these just looked good.”

The clarity of his voice was a bit jarring. It was soothing to your ears. Though you were surprised; all this time you thought the modulator roughed up his voice, but the raspy undertone was still evident outside of it. You chanced a glance in his direction. Familiar pink lips parted to make way for a set of strong teeth to bite into the cookie, a small glimmer of tongue poking out to lick away a crumb. You looked away, face hot once more.

“Well, you’ve got good- good taste.”

You downed the cookie, stuffing it in your mouth to keep from stumbling over yourself again. You declined a third one when offered, causing Din to put them away and set the box aside. You took a sip of your water before settling deeper into your bed.

“I should probably sleep propped up tonight, yeah?” you asked.

Din nodded.

“Probably best. Here, sit up for a second-”

You did as he asked and he leaned over to help adjust your pillows, fluffing a couple of them up before nodding at you to lay back down. It was the perfect position. You looked at him with a smile.

“Thank you, Din. Not just for this, but for everything today,” you paused and let out a sigh. Your voice grew groggy as fatigue settled in.

“I’d probably be in much worse condition if you weren’t here.”

He tilted his head, a hand coming to rest on your head.

“Thank you for letting me help.”

Your smile grew as you took a deep breath, your heavy eyes staring into the vast abyss of Din’s visor. You looked for where his eyes were resting behind their black shield.

You wanted to know what color they were.

You covered your mouth as you yawned, stretching your body out for a second before snuggling deeper into your position. You pulled Din’s cape up over your chest before pulling your blankets over it.

“I’ll be here if you need anything, okay?” Din whispered, leaning in closer to you.

You nodded, nuzzling your head into his hand.

“Good night, Din.”

“Sweet dreams… Miss.”

~~~

Din kept his hand in place until he was certain you’d fallen asleep. As your breaths grew deeper and your eyes ceased their squinting, he stroked the skin of your hairline with his thumb before slowly removing his hand and sitting up.

He let out a sigh, a weight leaving his shoulders at the sight of your peaceful face. He leaned back until his helmet thumped against your headboard and took a deep breath. Worry had plagued his mind long before Gila told him you were sick. That information only made it more intense. But what mattered was that you were okay now, in every sense.

He’d make sure of it.

It was strange; the only other being to make him worry this much was Grogu. It had been that way for so long. And then out of nowhere, you came along and changed everything. Din tried to figure out when you had crept past his walls and into his heart, but he couldn’t. It was almost as if you were always there.

He played through the memories of the day: the moment he first saw your face he’d almost dropped all the groceries. You looked so fragile, as if the slightest gust of wind would just carry you away. He wanted nothing more than to hold you. He remembered your talk on the couch, how shocked he was to hear how you felt about yourself. How could someone like you not see what he sees?

That was another thing — Din wasn't very good with words. He shocked himself with how he spoke to you in that moment. Something about the situation inspired those words to flow, and it had all been so natural.

Adoring you was so natural. He loved it.

He recalled carrying you up the stairs; the small weight of your head in the crook of his neck… it felt so right. As if your embrace was the puzzle piece he didn’t know he was missing. He didn’t want to let you go.

His thoughts continued to wander, thinking back to past moments he spent with you. Moments spent hearing about you when Grogu would tell him about his day at school. Moments of a joy he didn’t know was possible when the two of you would talk, or explore the night sky. Moments of annoyance when Fett and Fennec would point out how obvious his feelings were.

But they were right.

He wouldn’t be this open with you if it wasn’t true. He wouldn’t be doting on you this much if it wasn’t true. He wouldn’t be considering the current thoughts in his mind if it wasn’t true.

What your face would look like… if he were looking at you with his own eyes.

Din leaned up and shifted his position to face you. Your chest rose and fell with each breath you took, your face tranquil. He wondered what you might be dreaming about. He smiled under the helmet. Maybe you were running around with your students like you did at the zoo and at Grogu’s birthday party. Maybe you were beating up drunk assholes. Maybe you were holding Grogu in your arms.

Maybe Din was holding you both in his, like he did in his own dreams.

He shook the image away. Wishful thinking at best, he thought to himself. But it didn’t stop the desire he had. Din closed his eyes and gathered his bravery. He brought his hands up to his helmet. The seal hissed as he lifted it off and placed it in his lap. After another breath, he opened his eyes. All at once, the air left his lungs.

He already thought you were stunning, but… He’d truly been missing out.

Your features were so much clearer, so much more defined. Your skin was soft, that much he knew by then, but now he could see that. And he could see how your lashes curtained over your cheeks, how your hair cascaded over the pillows, how your adorable nose twitched every now and then as you slept. The natural palette of your existence was unlike any set of colors he’d ever seen before. It was definitely preferable to the blue tint his helmet placed on the world. Tears teased their presence behind Din’s eyes as a smile stretched across his face.

Damn… he wanted to see your eyes. Wanted to look into them with his own.

And damn, did he want to kiss you.

But not like this.

Your guard had been lower today, the filter he suspected you’d been keeping around him essentially gone with your strength. He didn’t want to take advantage of that. No, if he was ever so lucky as to kiss you, you’d both be involved.

Instead he set his helmet to the side and leaned down, cheeks growing warm when he stopped just above you. He took in the expression on your face before closing his eyes and gently pressing his forehead against yours. He took in a sharp breath through his nose. Every muscle in his face clenched together. His eyes squeezed more tightly shut as he took in the sensation of his bare skin touching yours. It was the most minimal of contact, but it still sent his mind spinning.

He lifted his head and slowly opened his eyes to see you, expression unchanged aside from a small smile pulling at your lips. Din grinned at the sight, and said the words he'd wanted to say as you fell asleep:

“Sweet dreams, my dear.”

***

taglist: @dincrypt @anrimdjarin @kodye1018 @persie33 @janebby @allmahfeels @c-a-v-a-l-r-y @onomatopoetic-aesthetic @queen-since-97 @tobealostwanderer @darlingotaku @fangirlalexia @justdrawings101 @bluemacaron @onebrownoneblue @440mxs-wife @what-iwish-you-knew

[ptergwen]

you can’t have all the fun

w/c: 1.2k

warnings: swearing and tom being a meanie

a/n: i think enemies to lovers is growing on me because i genuinely enjoyed writing this so much? thank you to the anon who requested <3

-

“i guess i don’t hate you anymore,” you decide as you walk next to tom on the boardwalk. he scoffs, dragging his fingers across the railing. “i never hated you. just didn’t like you all that much.” he says the last part quieter.

you’re not tom’s biggest fan. not of his work, not of his personality, not of him at all. the only reason you hang out is because harrison is your mutual friend. you’re both close with him. he’s always saying how he wants two of his favorite people ever to get on well. it’s impossible because of tom’s big ego and cocky attitude.

you’d expected him to be sweet from what harrison had told you and what you’d seen in interviews. you only watched some to get a better idea of him... obviously. then, harrison introduced you two. tom was buzzed and kept giving you smirks you wanted to slap away.

you’ve never been able to shake his awful first impression.

while you see tom as another guy ruined by hollywood, he sees you as the rudest girl on earth. you make comments under your breath whenever he tells a story. you’ll complain about every song he plays if harrison gives him the aux chord. anything he does, you hate it. you can’t even be fake friendly for harrison’s sake.

well, tom finally learned why you act that way towards him. you were brought up in conversation the other day. he nodded along to whatever harrison was saying. the way he described you made you sound like an angel or something. tom just didn’t understand it.

he had to know what your problem is, so he asked harrison.

“she thinks you’re an asshole,” he simply stated like tom already knew. his mouth opened in a silent gasp. “she’s actually really nice, but not when you’re around,” harrison snickered and took a sip of beer. that made tom remember he was drunk as hell the night you first met. he does dumb things when he’s drunk.

you hate him because you don’t know him.

harrison suggested tom spend some time with you one on one to clear everything up. he agreed and texted asking if you’d like to hang out. you first said no because again, you can’t stand him. tom went on to explain that harrison wants you to work your shit out, and then you gave in. you can’t say no to harrison.

tom picked you up at your place. there wasn’t any music playing when you got in the car, leaving you two in an awkward silence. he thought you’d appreciate the lack of his ‘shitty playlist’ as you liked to call it. this was the one time you could’ve used it. you drove around for a while, not really knowing where to go.

it was when you passed by the beach that tom pulled over. thank god for that.

you’ve been talking through your issues while you walk together. tom explained that he’s not just a party guy, or some stuck up rich man. he cares a lot about his family and friends and the stuff that actually matters. in his words he “likes to have fun. sometimes, too much of it,” which was the side you originally saw of him.

you admitted that you were only so cold to him because you had him all wrong. he wasn’t as nice as he seemed when you first met, and it threw you off. you do feel bad you never gave him another chance to show you differently. tom assured you there were no hard feelings. his second chance is happening as he speaks.

“how do you feel about me now?” you check with tom, offering a small smile. “you’re alright. funny,” he replies with that dumb smirk of his. this time, you don’t want to smack it off his lips. you’re happy to be the reason for it. “i didn’t make any jokes,” you hum and walk a little slower.

the breeze blows a piece of hair into your face. tom watches you huff and push it out. he bites his lower lip to keep a genuine smile from growing. you’re cute, too. that’s what he really wanted to say.

“natural humor,” he murmurs, tugging the collar of his jacket up. the two of you are nearing the end of the boardwalk. neither of you are in a rush to get there. you have an idea. “we should go in the water,” you grin at him and stop to take off your shoes. tom shoves his hands in his pockets. “what? it’s freezing.”

“so? i thought you like to have fun, tommy.” the nickname is dripping with sarcasm. he’s not sure if it makes him angry or turned on. a bit of both, maybe. you step out of your sandals and carry them, falling back into step with tom. “it’s fucking cold, y/n. swimming in the middle of winter isn’t fun.” his voice is lower than before.

ignoring his complaining, you run ahead of him. the you tom knew a couple of hours ago would never do this. he drops his hands to his sides, at a loss. “don’t think you’re getting in my car soaking wet!” tom calls after you. “i’ll call an uber!” you shout back, part of you hoping he’ll follow. he ends up caving and going after you.

he catches up to you just before you get off the boardwalk. you walk beside him, tom letting out a breath. “y/n, don’t do it. you’ll get sick.“ you’re not falling for that. “yeah, bye!” you run onto the sand and towards the water, tossing your shoes as you go. tom kicks off his sneakers with a sigh. he’ll at least go down there.

you give him one last look, then you dive right into a wave. your jeans and top get completely drenched. that doesn’t stop you. laughing to yourself, you splash around in the foamy water, your shirt riding up in the process. tom licks his lips. you flash him one of his signature smirks. he’d be ridiculously stupid not to join you.

tom shrugs out of his jacket and leaves his shoes next to it, not caring about the rest. he sneaks up behind you and grabs your waist. you yelp in surprise, then giggle when a familiar face peeks over your shoulder. “‘s me. can’t let you have all the fun,” tom winks at you. turning around in his arms, you look him over.

“that won’t be a problem.” you push at his chest, making him fall back into the water. you end up on top of him. your hands are on either side of his head in the sand, his still resting on your waist. he chuckles and shakes his head so he can get the sand off.

without thinking about it, you use your fingers to brush out his hair. tom welcomes it. you ruffle his wet curls, his nose scrunching up adorably. “i got it,” you breathe out and let your hand move down to his shoulder. “thanks, babe,” tom mumbles to you. having him call you that sends a wave of heat through your body.

his lips twitch into a grin. yours do the same, even wider than his. you lean in closer until you can feel his breath hitting your face. you’re not sure why or how, but something is different between you two. tom opens his mouth, you think to kiss you. he only whispers a question.

“what are we supposed to tell harrison?”

[bbugyu]

for you + yoon jeonghan

everyone in his life described you as his weakness, and he couldn’t even argue.

part one | part two

wc.10234 (LMAO) | fluff, smut, humor, etl/uni!au, ~new relationship stuff~, gender neutral pronouns for reader (but they have a pussy sorry), vague softdom/brattysub dynamics (guess who’s who!), there are - count em - 4 different sex scenes, more bff!gyu, filth, language, you know the drill, reader gets a lil tender, so does han, *sniffles* they just suit each other so well, please use condoms

this is where i admit that i wrote 20k of enemies to lovers garbage all based off a single line in falling for u, where they say they meant to drink a coffee with you but they accidentally chugged it bc theyre nervous. yup! all this mess for that one line! this is incredibly self indulgent and i apologize but also i don't because i needed this

~

visual culture was your new favorite class.

while there was absolutely no trouble making time to spend with jeonghan, your previous meditation time served as an allocated two hours every week where you could just sit and mess around with the boy you had growing affections for. the two of you would chat in hushed tones as the professor lectured, jeonghan’s fingertips tracing invisible patterns on your thigh as you diligently untangled his headphone cord for him, his thumb nails having been chewed too short to do it himself. he would bring you coffee on thursdays, when it was his only class of the day but your third and last. the caffeine was a well accepted afternoon pickmeup, and he never let you go after class without taking you out for lunch somewhere, claiming to be celebrating the end of your school day. then you might as well just come over to his apartment, he’d tell you. his place was closer than yours, he’d explain, swinging your hand in his. you didn’t wanna say goodbye yet, did you? afterall, the night’s still young, he’d tease, luring you with the promise of kisses between droopy eyed smiles.

jeonghan had become the complete opposite of your initial impression. he was sweet to you, genuinely, and if you liked him any less, you would say he was obsessed. you do say that, occasionally, when you’re hanging out with your friends and he texts you some purposefully cheesy line knowing it would make you roll your eyes, forcing you to mention him to your questioning friends, but you never truly meant it. you’d be a liar if you said every eye roll wasn’t just to cover up the faint feeling of butterflies in your gut. he always knew exactly how to make you want to see him, and you never hesitated to tell him when you did.

on one such day, when you had told him that if you went home you would need him to drive you into the woods and help you dig your roommate a clandestine grave, he stopped by your friend’s apartment after a shift, waiting dutifully by the door with his shoes still on and his hands shoved into his jean pockets as you searched the kitchen counter for your keys.

“serious, mingyu, what did you do with them? i know i left them next to the toaster.”

“i used your bottle opener, but i swear i put them on the coffee table,” he said, pushing back his hair as he looked around the small living room.

jeonghan watched you and mingyu tear apart the couch, trying to ignore the roommate that was leaning against the wall, eyeing him.

“where do you live?”

jeonghan blinked and looked at him. “uh, my apartment’s a couple streets over and a few-”

“roommates?” minghao watched as the older straightened his spine involuntarily, arms folded across his chest as he appraised his friend’s new chew toy.

“yeah, three,” he responded. minghao kept eyeing him. he fidgeted under the gaze, then coughed to clear his throat. for some reason unknown to even him, he said “they’re good people,” as though he was seeking some kind of approval.

minghao nodded slowly. “they act tough but they’re not. if you break their heart, i’ll break you.”

“what?”

“y/n,” he said, causing you to perk your head up from across the room while simultaneously clarifying. he lifted his hand and jangled your keys, holding them by the novelty hulk fist bottle opener. “found ‘em.”

“jesus christ, myungho, you had them the whole time?” you exhaled sharply, shoving a couch cushion back where it was meant to be. “don’t be a prick.”

you snagged the keys from him and shoved your feet into your shoes, taking the bag that jeonghan was holding for you.

“wo ai ni.”

you batted at minghao’s arm. “yeah, whatever. love you, too. see you guys later?”

mingyu threw up a peace sign from the couch, where he had promptly laid himself out after the search for keys had ceased, and minghao smiled as he waved you off and closed the door behind you.

you asked how work was, and jeonghan sighed, describing it shortly as work, but said he was glad it was over so that he could spend some time with you.

you giggled, knocking shoulders and slyly lacing your fingers between his. “cheesy.”

he gave you your favorite sideways smile, though he didn’t know it was your favorite, and you, again, ignored the flitting in your stomach that he always seemed to cause. “so, uh… myungho…”

you exhaled. “what did he say to you?”

“nothing, really,” he said quickly, knowing you would get mad at your friend if he told you the full truth. “i was just kind of curious if you two had ever, y'know…”

you looked at jeonghan. “you’re not jealous, are you?”

he looked back. “i don’t have reason to be, do i?”

“of course not,” you said, pulling your bag up on your shoulder. “i’ve kissed hao once, on a drunk dare, and we both agreed to never try it again. he’s like a brother.”

jeonghan nodded, thinking about the protective stance the tall lean man had taken when he tried (and maybe succeeded, though jeonghan would never admit it) to intimidate him. no matter the vibe he got, he trusted you, and he understood the intent - however, you made him want to do everything in his power to keep you happy, so he didn’t think this myungho character had much to worry about.

“oh my god, hannie,” you gripped his hand tighter, your other hand clutching his elbow. “look at that dog.”

he laughed and followed your gaze across the street to the pom that was nose up, walking beside its owner. “cute.”

“isn’t it?” you sighed. “god, i want a dog. i hate living in a dorm. i hate my roommate.”

“move out, then.”

“and go where? back to my parents’ place?”

he rolled his eyes. “into the apartment you practically live at anyways.”

“dumb, dumber, and dumbest?” you scoffed. “i would kill all three of them in under a week.”

jeonghan wondered which was which, then pushed the temptation to mention his idea of you living with him out of his brain. “sounds like you’re shit outta luck.”

you sighed, craning your neck to steal a look at the dog again. “i guess you’ll just have to get a dog for me.”

he smiled back, eyes lingering on your face even after your gaze went back to the scenery. “i have a question.”

you blinked at him. “yes?”

he watched a cloud for a second. “what do you call me?”

“hannie.”

he laughed. “i mean to your friends.”

you eyed him sideways. “are you trying to trick me into calling you my boyfriend?”

he eyed you back, a smile teasing his lips. “are you admitting that you call me your boyfriend?”

“what do you call me to your friends, then?”

“y/n.”

you rolled your eyes. “you’re the most annoying person i’ve ever met.”

“woooow,” he went, sighing and pulling his hand from yours to shove it in his pocket. “here i was thinking we were in a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.”

you giggled, tugging on his arm. “oh, shut up. we are. you call me by my name, and i call you by yours. that’s as mutually respectful as we can get.”

jeonghan rolled his eyes, but allowed you to pull his hand out of his pocket and put your fingers between his again. he had never been the type to hold hands in public, but with you it felt right. “whatever. it’s only been a month. i’ll break you eventually.”

you exhaled. “if you want me to tell people you’re my boyfriend, you just have to ask.”

“why would i want that?”

you pouted. “i dunno, i thought maybe you liked me or something.”

he squeezed your hand. “don’t flatter yourself.”

you laughed, forcing a smile onto jeonghan’s face, and he didn’t stop you when you changed the subject to the fact that mingyu had informed you that a dissected sheep brain looks a little too close to ssamgyeopsal for comfort.

one day, he told you that he thought you’d be different, back before you started dating. you were gentler than he imagined, despite your continued quick wit and sharp tongue. sweeter.

“i dunno,” he said, leaning back against the couch with your head in his lap. “in my head you would just be mean all the time.”

you didn’t take it as an insult. “the version of me you created in your head is no responsibility of mine.”

jeonghan thought you were beyond incredible. while his original judgement of you being rude, pretentious, and, well, mean hadn’t necessarily been wrong, he had found you to also be incredibly caring, thoughtful, and maybe the funniest person he had ever met. you would sigh about how broke you were that week, how you were sick of eating cup noodles, but you wouldn’t hesitate to spend the last of your budget on soju and kimbap for your friends on your walk to their apartment. you always picked up on his subtle mood changes - when he would press his hands to his temples as he tried to process his literature homework, your hand would sneak onto his thigh and squeeze his knee to remind him to let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, despite your eyes never leaving your own textbook. he swore he never saw jihoon laugh as hard as he did when you and mingyu went off on one of your stupid arguments that only best friends could have, especially after you called mingyu a “grey’s anatomy-worthy harassment claim waiting to happen.”

“seriously, why am i friends with you?” mingyu grabbed his drink from your hand and glared at you when he noticed how much lighter it was (you had said you didn’t want one but definitely stole more than one sip). “can anyone else stand this bitch?”

“i like them,” jeonghan said matter of factly, his chin in his hand and elbow on the table as he stared at you fondly. 

mingyu rolled his eyes. “you don’t count, evil twin.”

jihoon had his back on the floor, hands on his face, still trying to recover from your grey’s anatomy joke, and mingyu’s twin comment only set him off again. you giggled as you watch him roll onto his side, and briefly looked around this new grouping you found yourself in, sat around the low table covered in takeout in jeonghan’s living room. “how come you call me every day, then, dr. hate-my-guts?”

“free therapy,” he said, not missing a beat as he shoved a massive spoonful of rice and meat into his mouth. jihoon coughed, and mingyu narrowly avoided laughing as he chewed.

“i don’t buy it,” jeonghan said, running a hand through his hair and leaning back on the other. he watched you steal from his plate. “i think you like y/n the same reason i do. they’re the first person that didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear just because you’re good looking.”

mingyu kept chewing as he stared at jeonghan, his almost tired gaze going to you before he spoke. “you guys are really made for each other, huh?”

you didn’t think it before, but everyone kept telling you two that, and it definitely served as a pretty good ego boost for the existing confidence in your newfound relationship. you, of course, enjoyed jeonghan’s company even more without the validating eye rolls and gagging noises from friends whenever one of you made some praising comment about the other. you thought he was funny when he was making scathing jokes at his friends’ expense, but you thought he was absolutely hilarious when he was muttering every stupid thought that popped into his head with the specific intention of making you laugh too loud as you laid with him in your bed, his hand rubbing your back, overly aware of the fact that your roommate was trying to study at their desk as you planted your hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

as more time passed, jeonghan found it increasingly annoying that you both shared bedrooms with other people, considering how easily you could tease him into a bothered red-eared state with just your words. times that the two of you had gotten yelled at by whoever had to witness to get a damn room, or whispers between drinks that turned into standing too closely at parties, catching each others lips teasingly. disappearing into a bedroom only to be interrupted before anything can happen by some combination of party-goers and friends that somehow always managed to ruin the mood for one or both of you in an extremely targeted way. you had managed to help each other get off, of course, and he loved the look of you sinking to your knees in a bathroom stall, gaze catching his while you unbuckled his belt, or the way you squirmed against him, stuck between a closet door and his hard place, your breath hitching as he dug his fingers deeper into you. both activities were satisfying in their own right, but it would never be enough for him.

then there was that frustrating time jihoon had walked in, catching you with your hand down jeonghan’s pants, and he would never forgive you for the way you hesitated to loosen your grip on him despite the interruption. those few seconds of sheer terror he had felt, making direct eye contact with his roommate with his dick hard and in a hand that wasn’t his, the only thing stopping you from continuing being his annoyed “can you let go, now?" 

he had decided to get back at you, and he got the opportunity a week later, when he had woken up behind you in your bed with your laptop asking if you were still watching and your roommate sleeping only a meter or so away. his lips ghosting across your neck, rousing you from your shallow sleep just to find his hand gently squeezing your hip, running over your mound until you were begging him to slip it under your pajama shorts. he had to put his free hand over your mouth to keep you quiet as you melted under his touch, your toes curling against his shins as the string in you snapped, and you punched his chest when you finally rolled over and caught your breath for getting you so needy when you weren’t alone. he just giggled and looked at you, half lidded, then kissed you like he hadn’t just been muttering voyeuristic filth in your ear.

jihoon was going home for the weekend, and the second jeonghan had found out, he told you you weren’t allowed to make any plans and swapped his saturday shift with a coworker. you had laughed in his face when he told you he intended to keep you in bed the entire weekend, but part of you had been waiting just as much as he had.

on friday night, when the two of you were sitting on the couch watching some documentary that you could barely pay attention to, seungcheol asked again if you guys wanted to go to the bar with him and soonyoung.

"cheol, i swear to god,” jeonghan said, the arm over your shoulder stiffening as he pointed at his roommate. “if you ask one more time, we’re gonna fuck in your bed, and it will be messy.”

seungcheol groaned in disgust as you laughed. “fuck you, jeonghan. i was giving them an out.”

“sorry,” you said, your head leaning back against the arm. “i’ll try to get him to wash the sheets, but no promises.”

“you guys are so fucking gross,” seungcheol said, snatching his wallet off the counter and shoving it in his pocket as soonyoung came out from the bathroom. “we’re leaving before they jump each other. do you have everything? if you forgot something, we’re not coming back,” he said, pointing. “i’m not risking it.”

soonyoung patted all his pockets, nodded, then smiled and waved at you. “see you guys! use protection!”

“don’t take the sixth shot,” you warned, smiling and waving back. soonyoung laughed as he got shoved out the door by his roommate, and when it shut behind him, you felt a chill run up your spine for no good reason.

“we should probably wait a minute,” you said, turning back to jeonghan, who was already leaning into you and letting his gaze flicker unapologetically between your eyes and lips.

“or, and this is just a suggestion, we can decide that we’ve waited long enough and that if they come back after all of that they deserve to see whatever they see,” he pitched, his fingers already brushing against your jaw.

you blinked at him from only a breath away, his honeyed eyes putting a sweet taste in your mouth. you swallowed, your stomach feeling light suddenly. “or that.”

his lips were on yours as soon as the words left them, and your hand rose to grip the front of his shirt - one of the many plain shirts that seemed to rotate around the household. you fidgeted for a second, before deciding you were impatient and pulling away from him only to swing a leg over his and straddle his lap. he grinned at you, hands landing on your thighs, lips excitedly welcoming back yours.

you really enjoyed kissing jeonghan. he always started soft, gentle, with light caresses and reassurances of how beautiful he thought you were. though you never catch him applying any, you know he has a peach flavored lip balm hiding somewhere in his daily routine, and you tasted it on him as you dove a little deeper into him, his hands squeezing at your waist as your tongue dipped past his lips. 

jeonghan also really enjoyed kissing you, which was both good and bad for him. good, of course, because you could happily trap him in liplock for hours, and he never got bored of your soft sighs and adoring touches and wanton noises. bad, though, because his enjoyment becomes incredibly obvious embarrassingly fast, and he wished he could wipe the smirk off your face as soon as you noticed, but he always found himself completely powerless against you when you decided there was something you wanted.

and so, jeonghan’s eyes flicked over your chest as you pulled off your shirt, tossing it to the side as you stood and spun around, planting your hands on his knees and spreading his thighs as you sat back directly on his already straining bulge.

“holy fuck,” he managed, fingers running over the soft fabric of your gray sweatpants before kneading at your ass. you wiggled against his grip before grinding down against him, satisfied by the reaction, loving how clearly you could feel him and the way he sucked in a breath. you made no effort to stifle the noise caused by feeling him against your already dampening core, even through far too many layers. he whipped of his shirt quickly, his hands running up your back, twisting over your waist and pulling your back against his chest. you felt his lips start at your shoulder, then a hand on your chest, then the other snaking down your stomach.

you chuckled lightly. “can’t take a lapdance?”

“from you?” his lips landed behind your ear. “absolutely not. you’ll make me cum, and i have other things i’d like to try first.”

you sighed, rolling your hips as deliberate fingers moved from your stomach to inner thigh. “ever the poet.”

he smirked against your neck. “try it again later. right now, you’re making me insane.”

“mm,” you agreed. “i’ll keep that bookmarked, then.”

“god, how are you this hot?” jeonghan almost laughed. “you’re so annoying, why are you so good at teasing me like this?”

you smirked as his hand ghosted over your core. “yoon jeonghan, you make it incredibly fun to tease you.”

“i refuse to believe that it’s my fault you’re this sexy,” he said, drinking in the way your head dropped to his shoulder and a moan fell from your lips as he ran a finger up your slit. even through fabric, he felt the arousal gathering at your core, making his cock jump against your ass. you smiled, a hand snaking against his scalp, tugging gently at the hair at the base of his skull as he bumped over your clit, his reactionary groan matching yours.

“baby,” you whispered, your breath hot against jeonghan’s lips. “please.”

he licked his lips, tongue almost brushing yours in the process, using his hand on your waist to grind himself against you. “please what, darling?”

“fingers, jeonghan,” you whimpered, arching your back against his chest slightly in hopes to get friction against him, but he stopped his grinding as you did. you huffed. “please, i need you.”

he nudged at your jaw, making you roll your head as he planted his lips on your neck. his fingers undid the drawstring of your sweats to comfortably push under the fabric, and he let out a sigh as he didn’t find another layer.

“you’re evil.”

you giggled, gasping as his fingers quickly ran through your wetness. “and it turns you on.”

you let out a prolonged moan as he pushed his middle finger into you easily, sucking the base of your neck between his teeth. you gripped him, nails surely leaving crescents against his neck as he groaned about how absurdly wet you were, and you said something about how he was in no position to tease when you could feel every time his dick throbbed against you. he asked if you were dirty enough to admit how long you hadn’t been wearing underwear, and he watched you lick your lips before you told him all day. he smirked when you brought your lips to his, moaning against him as he pushed a second finger into you.

his fingers curled deliciously against pressure points, making you gasp as you tightened around them. jeonghan watched your heavy eyelids as you tried to focus on him, he watched your chest rise and fall as it flushed. he brought his free hand up to pinch your already puckered nipple, your temple landing on his cheek in an attempt to hold yourself together.

“i can tell you’re close,” he teased, and you only whined in response, eyes squeezing shut as his palm rubbed at your clit with the gentle movement of his fingers curling in you. “are you gonna cum on my hand, darling?”

you nodded hurriedly, your fingers curling in his hair, then opened your eyes to find his. he smiled at you, which only made you feel as though your world was crumbling. your back arched against his chest again as you came, and he held you by your core as you squeezed at his fingers, lips leaving repeated kisses across your cheek and neck.

despite the orgasm, you couldn’t help but continue to grind down against jeonghan’s hand, and he indulged your neediness by pumping them into you again before slipping his fingers out of you and pushing you forwards. “wallet.”

you groaned, pushing your ass back against him, smiling at the way his hand tensed on your side. “no please?”

he stared at where you were rubbing against his length. “i’m either cumming in a condom or your ass. your choice.”

he gave you a smug look when you turned your head to giggle at him, but his face almost completely dropped when he realized you were considering it.

“okay,” you said. “condom. this time.”

jeonghan’s cock flinched against you again, to which you responded with a wiggle before pushing off him and walking to the kitchen to retrieve a foil packet from his wallet, leaving him staring after you dumbly. when you turned around to walk back towards him, he had shoved his pants over his knees, leaning back heavily as he stroked himself using the hand you had so graciously wet for him. you gulped involuntarily, suddenly aware of how much saliva was gathering around your tongue as you tore open the condom.

he watched you kneel between his knees, his hand stilling at the base of his cock as you lapped a wet line up the underside of it, tongue swirling over his head. he tasted like you, and you had to swallow again before you rolled the condom onto him. you stood, turning your back to him as you hooked your thumbs under the waistband of your sweats and leaned over slightly as you pushed the fabric over your ass. jeonghan’s hand tightened around himself involuntarily, his other going to feel you. squeeze your hip, pinch at the soft flesh. guide you down onto him as you braced yourself on his knee. you pulled at the underside of your thigh, spreading yourself wider as you sat back onto him, sighing as he stretched you out.

“fuck,” he choked out, both hands gripping at your waist to stop you from sinking more. “shit, you feel really good.”

you whined, rolling your hips back in need. “i’ll feel even better if you let me sit.”

he chuckled. “why do you think i stopped you?”

you looked over your shoulder. “two pump chump?”

jeonghan pulled you down onto him harshly, forcing a squeal out of you as you curled over yourself. it had been a long time since anything had been this deep, and you could already feel your release building with one touch of his head to your spot. “shut up.”

“shutting up,” you muttered, voice almost cracking when he held you still and rutted up into you. 

“god, i can’t believe it took us this long,” he said, steadying you with his grip so you could roll your hips on his lap. “to get me in you.”

“m-maybe if your roommate ever went to cl-lass,” you stuttered, beyond pleased that you could finally relieve this frustration as you slowly bounced on his lap. “f-fuck, you feel better than i imagined.”

you could hear the grin on his face when he spoke again, running his fingers up your side. “have i been fucking you in your dreams, baby?”

“well, you sure - mf! - haven’t been fuh-hucking me in real li-” your sentence getting cut off by a whiney moan when his hips bumped up to meet yours. “god, fuck, jeonghan!”

he pulled himself off the couch, pressing his chest against your back. he pushed up into you, almost desperately, his teeth running across your shoulder as much as his lips did. you gasped, leaning back into him, spreading your legs until your knees hooked on the outside of his, his unrelenting fingers finding your clit, just to make you beg as he pumped in and out of you.

“please what, baby?” he asked sweetly, despite the hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and the way his eyebrows knit together.

“p-please, can i cum again?”

jeonghan groaned, almost taken aback by your complete switch in attitude. while he knew you liked it when he tried to take control, he had never seen you go down without a fight. “who knew all you needed to stop being such a brat was my cock?”

“p-please, h-hannie…” you whimpered, and he could feel your walls constricting around him. “please, i wanna cum.”

desperation became obvious in his own hips, just by taking in your face. he had gone into this with every intention of milking you of everything you had, but he was man enough to admit that your begging made him too close to cumming to stop. “get my dick wet, darling.”

your mouth gaped in a silent cry as you crumpled into his chest, your legs twitching inwards as he moved his hands to your hips and continued thrusting up into you, your walls squeezing him tight until he let out a low groan, slowing his movement until he eventually stilled completely.

the two of you stayed there, a sweaty, entangled mess on the couch, both just trying to catch your breath.

“fuck,” you said finally, and jeonghan thought he couldn’t have said it better himself.

after two packets of slightly overcooked ramen, a conversation about how leaving a used condom on cheol’s bed would not be a funny prank, and a generous spray of febreze fabric refresher, jeonghan watched proudly as you walked with a slight unintentional wobble towards his bedroom, assuring you he’d be right there as he rinsed out your bowls in the sink.

when he did finally join you, you were laying on his bed with your phone to your ear, and he crawled up over you as you giggled into the phone, knees spreading to accommodate. “hannie’s. i told you, i’m staying here for the weekend.”

jeonghan could hear mingyu’s voice on the other end, saying something about how he thought it was next weekend for some reason and that getting laid would be good for you, but he just smiled as he kissed at your neck, your free arm settling around him comfortably.

“why are you calling this late?” you asked, looking over at jeonghan’s bedside to confirm the time. “are you guys going out?”

“yeah, of course. rockbox in an hour. you guys in?”

you tipped your head to the side as jeonghan continued his gentle kisses up your neck, hands running up under your shirt, making you sigh softly. “nah, we have plans. cheol and soonyoung are there, though.”

“okay, no worries,” mingyu said, then paused. jeonghan took the opportunity to bite just below your jaw, gently rolling his hips between your thighs to make you aware of what he was thinking. “are you busy right now, or can you talk?”

a pang of guilt ran through you as you held your breath, trying to not audibly react to the movement against you. you hadn’t been able to sit and chat with your best friend in way too long. “i’m, uh, a little busy? maybe we could get lunch tomorrow?”

jeonghan pulled back and glared at you, a stark reminder that he had asked you to not make plans, but you just put a finger to his pouting lips.

“as long as it’s after noon, i’m down.”

“okay,” you said, brushing your fingers across jeonghan’s cheek and pushing his hair behind an ear. “one? two? stew?”

“one’s good,” mingyu said, his voice sing songy. “okay, i’m gonna get ready. have fun! use protection.”

you rolled your eyes. “everyone keeps saying that.”

“yeah, because you guys are crazy and no one wants to risk it.”

after your byes, you hung up and looked at jeonghan, who was still staring at you with disdain. you sighed. “it’s just lunch.”

“i said no plans,” he reminded you, pouting. “now we have to go get lunch with mingyu when i could be fucking you stupid in my roommateless bedroom.”

“no we don’t,” you said, running your hands through his hair. “i have to get lunch with mingyu. you can do whatever you want.”

“oh, so i’m not even invited?” his eyebrows raised at you. “you do realize i switched a shift so i could spend all day with you, right?”

you giggled. “hannie, i would love to spend all day with you, but i haven’t sat and gotten lunch with mingyu in a month. i miss my best friend.”

he groaned, burying his face in your neck. “stop making sense, i’m trying to be mad at you.”

“you can still be mad,” you said, your fingers softly massaging against the back of his neck. “i like it when you think you’re punishing me.”

he groaned again, hating how you could so easily say the perfect thing to make him forget about anything else. “you’re evil.”

you giggled. “and it turns you on.”

he adjusted against you, trying to ignore his increasing arousal despite his original intentions. “sometimes, you seem like my own personal demon.”

“oh, fun,” you vocalised, brushing your fingers knowingly through the hair behind his ear, triggering a huff as you hit your favorite soft spot of his. “two demons trying to torture each other.”

he laughed as he raised his head, propping it up with a hand. “would you consider this torture?”

“maybe for normal people,” you said, sneaking a kiss onto his lips. “but we’re demons, remember? this is fun for us.”

his lips pouted, less to make a point and more because it was their comfortable, natural state after your lips leave. “i think i like you a lot.”

your face burned. it wasn’t the first time he had said something to that effect, but it made your chest feel funny nonetheless. “that’s reassuring.”

“i’m serious,” he said. “i really like you. and i don’t like people.”

you smiled softly. “i like you, too, yoon jeonghan.”

he adjusted his elbows on either side of you. “i want to be your boyfriend.”

you stared at him. “nah.”

“aye,” he cocked his head, making you laugh. “you said all i had to do was ask!”

“i’m kidding,” you said, putting your hands on either side of his face, pushing his cheeks in. “do you want to meet my parents, too?”

he looked at the wall behind his bed. “maybe that can wait.”

giggling, you pulled him into a kiss. “okay, boyfriend.”

the smile on his lips lingered as you kissed him, and he decided it was time to make sure everyone knew you were officially taken.

“you could have worn a scarf.”

you rolled your eyes, pulling the hood of the sweatshirt you stole from jeonghan’s in an attempt to hide the purple marks on your neck over your head. “it’s not my fault he tried to kill me,” you said, tugging on the drawstrings. “how was rockbox?”

“good,” mingyu said, leaning back. “weird. vernon ended up on stage.”

you almost choked on your water. “and i missed it?”

he laughed, then pulled out his phone to show you a video. “seungkwan made him do the features on a beyoncé song. he killed it, though.”

you watched the shaky vertical video of vernon on stage with a boy you knew but never really spoke to, watching in disbelief and laughing at mingyu’s hollering in the background. “wow. bey seungkwan and jay-v. that’s pretty legendary. i can’t believe i wasn’t there.”

mingyu laughed, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “how was your night? productive, obviously,” he said, gesturing to your neck.

“good,” you said reflexively, then exhaled as you looked at your best friend. “like, really good.”

“okay, spare the details, but like,” mingyu tipped his head and looked at you through his lashes. “good good?”

“mingyu, you know i would never say this lightly,” you put your hands on the table. “the best. seriously. man has a surprising amount of stamina for how much he naps.”

“damn,” he sighed and looked away from you. “y'know, that makes sense. i’ve always heard he was good in bed, and you two have some insane chemistry.”

you spotted the waiter coming, and before they were in earshot, you hurriedly said “plus his dick is huge.”

“oh, my god,” mingyu reeled back, then realized what you had done as the waiter put side dishes on your table. as soon as they left, he glared at you. “why are you like this.”

you grinned. “you were curious, though, right?”

he squinted at you. “doesn’t mean you should just offer up the info.”

“when’s the last time i slept with someone?” you asked. “like, really. it’s been, like, almost a year since i hooked up with rubin.”

his brows ruffled as he thought. “damn, is that true? has it really been that long?”

“let me brag,” you pleaded. “please? he’s so hot, i’m gonna lose my mind if you don’t let me talk about it.”

“i don’t know if i can be friends with you anymore.”

“dude, he spit in my mouth this morning.”

“oh-kay, so you’re buying lunch,” mingyu said, sitting up suddenly. “damn, this morning? have you guys just been going at it like rabbits?”

“i don’t wanna hear it,” you said, pointing at him. “you had to tell me about every guy you hooked up with during your 'hoe-liday’ last winter, you can listen to me talk about a guy i’ve been seeing for almost two months.”

“fair enough,” he laughed. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you like this.”

you groaned, sinking your head to the table. “it sucks.”

he stared at you. “oh my god, his dick made you fall in love.”

“shut up,” you said, lifting your head to land your chin on the table, curling a paper napkin over your spoon. you pouted as you tried to come up with an argument, but failed. “he’s sweet.”

“he’s mean,” mingyu corrected. “but he’s sweet to you.

"and dogs,” you defended. “and kids.”

“oh, so he’s husband material all of a sudden?”

you shrugged. “i’ve dated people much less likeable than yoon jeonghan.”

mingyu sighed, eating some kimchi. “that’s true. we both have.”

“yeah, so stop making fun of me, asshole,” your eyebrows creased as you leaned back and crossed your arms. “try being happy for me for a change. didn’t you want this all along? trying to get me to ask him out?”

“i am happy for you,” mingyu said, showing some genuinity as he laughed, also leaning back as your food arrived. “you just make it really hard sometimes.”

mingyu had the courtesy of dropping you off back at jeonghan’s so he didn’t have to borrow seungcheol’s car to come get you, and as he pulled up to the familiar apartment building, he gave you his usual “say hi to your boyfriend for me,” as he put it in park, quickly checking his phone.

instead of your normal “not my boyfriend,” you looked over at your best friend and bit your cheek. “sure.”

mingyu’s neck nearly snapped to look at you. “wait, what?”

you giggled. “sure, i’ll say hi for you.”

“did you-” he started, then stuttered, trying to figure out what he was asking. “are you guys, like-”

“he asked,” you said shrugging. “i said yes.”

a grin spread across his face. “really?”

“well, actually, i said no. then i said okay.”

mingyu laughed. “yeah that sounds right. wow, y/n got a boyfriend.”

you rolled your eyes, pulling the hood further over your head to hide your involuntarily hot ears as you adjusted to open the car door. “bye, goo.”

“this is my best friend,” he said loudly, making you stare at him with wide eyes as some innocent bystander walked past the car, all while you tried to pull yourself out of the door. “beautiful, right? sorry though, they’re taken, i’m dropping them off to see their brand new boyfriend.”

“you’re embarrassing,” you said, pointing an annoyed finger, grateful the person only looked back once before continuing. “go home.”

“you have done ten times worse to me,” mingyu said, grinning from ear to ear. “have fun with the pretentious asshole that can’t make an americano right, yoon jeonghan!”

that made you laugh despite yourself, and you shot him several expletives before slamming his door shut and running up the stairs.

after punching in the door code that no one had told you but you had seen enough times to know, you announced that you had returned. seeing jihoon’s chair empty on a saturday was strange, but at least seungcheol and soonyoung were up to their usual antics of playing some game extremely poorly.

you stood and watched the screen for a moment. “you know you can catch the arrows, right?”

soonyoung looked at you. “you can catch the arrows?”

seungcheol groaned. “why would you tell him that? i’m actually winning for once!”

you giggled. “if you dodge when the arrows are coming, you catch them.”

“you can dodge?”

from the other room, you heard a muted “hurry up,” and you saluted to the boys as they argued, following your cue to exit the situation.

jeonghan was on his bed when you shut the door behind you. “what are they yelling about?”

you sighed as you walked over to him. “apparently soonyoung didn’t know you could dodge in towerfall.”

he watched you pull off the sweatshirt - the same one he had worn on your first kinda date - to admire the marks he had left on you, then blinked when he realized what you had said. “we play that game all the time, how did he not know?”

you shrugged, then crawled into his waiting arms. “he’s not very observant.”

you sighed as you settled against jeonghan, and he kissed the top of your head. “how was lunch?”

“good,” you said, smiling. “gyu is good. it was nice to catch up.”

jeonghan clicked his tongue. “you guys talk every day.”

“okay, yeah, but,” you adjusted to look at him. “talking on the phone and hanging out with other people is different. we can’t talk about the same stuff.”

“well, what’d you talk about?”

you smiled. “wouldn’t you like to know?”

he squinted at you. “aren’t we supposed to be a team now? no secrets?”

“okay,” you said, fixing his bangs. “what were you and seungcheol talking about in his room yesterday before i got here?”

jeonghan couldn’t help the tiny smile that worked its way into his face. “did soonyoung tell you?”

“i would never reveal my source,” you said triumphantly, knowing it couldn’t have been anyone else, considering jihoon had already left. “also, he was pissed that you kicked him out while he was still sleeping.”

“if i could have just dragged cheol into my room, i would have,” he sighed. “trust me. i can pull soonyoung out of bed, but seungcheol is dense.”

you inspected his lips a moment. “were you talking about me?”

“uh,” jeonghan adjusted under you, putting a hand behind his head. “no, not really. soonyoung got a job, and me and cheol are both working more now. i wanted to talk about getting a bigger place, since our lease ends in the summer.”

you vocalised excitedly. “does this mean you’d get your own room?”

“that’s the idea, yeah,” he said, grinning. “you could stay over more.” and while he hadn’t lied - they had discussed larger apartment options, and decided to start looking by the end of the month - he failed to mention that the main purpose of him isolating seungcheol was to confirm he was crazy for wanting you to join them if they did move.

“i mean,” cheol had said, barely propping himself up in bed. “it might be a bit too early to tell, but you guys seem like the real deal.”

jeonghan spun in soonyoung’s desk chair, arms crossed. “but i’m insane, right? like, we haven’t even slept together.”

“they’re coming over for the weekend, yeah?”

“yeah.”

“so let’s talk about it again on monday?”

jeonghan kneaded at his jaw, exhaling. “yeah, okay.”

now, you had slept together. not only that, but you slept together, all night, in the same bed, and jeonghan woke up with jumbled poetry in his head when he found you curled up by his side. despite living in this apartment for nearly a year, it felt most like home with you in it. 

and he had told seungcheol, when he got home from dropping you off for lunch, that he was pretty damn sure he wanted to wake up like that every morning.

he wondered how you would react, if you would want to take the leap and move in with him. part of him felt as though he was taking advantage of your situation for his own selfish want to have you around all the time - you would do literally anything to avoid being in a dorm next year, but your housing budget wouldn’t accommodate for anything more than a goshiwon. while that wasn’t the worst option, you always talked about how much you missed living in a normal space, with a stove. a full sized fridge. a real bathroom, instead of a cramped wetroom. if he were to ask you to live with him, you would likely say yes, but would that put too much strain on your relationship too early? or would you think he was moving too fast and say no? his mind whirred silently as you buried your face in his neck.

“what’s on your mind?”

jeonghan blinked. “nothing.”

“liar.”

he sighed. “you.”

you lifted your head. “am i what’s making your heart beat so fast?”

he hadn’t even realized his pulse had quickened. he swallowed, briefly wondering if he would ever be able to truly hide anything from you. “maybe. what did you and mingyu talk about?”

you laughed. “i was hoping you would forget.”

“i never forget.”

“we talked about a lot,” you said, fiddling with the collar of jeonghan’s tee. “classes, summer plans, boys…”

he raised his brow at the last subject. “boys, huh?”

you smirked at him playfully. “yeah, our waiter was cute.”

he scoffed in your face and you giggled, then flattened his shirt against his chest.

“we talked about you. i told him we were official.”

“how’d that go?”

“he made fun of me, but it’s fine because i told him you have a big dick.”

jeonghan’s hand went from behind his head to cover his eyes, letting out a half-groan and half-“really?”, but the smile on his lips told you he wasn’t mad. “why? why would you tell him that?”

“he’s my best friend!” you laughed.

“okay, why did you tell me that?”

“i’d thought you’d like to know,” you said, pouting slightly. “he might respect you now.”

he uncovered his face just so you could see him rolling his eyes before he tried to sit up. “okay, no more cuddling.”

you whined, trying to keep him in place, but failing. “but i just got here!”

“maybe you shouldn’t have left in the first place,” he teased, getting out of bed to turn off the air purifier he usually only ran at night, but had been too preoccupied to turn off that morning. “i told you i intended to keep you in bed all weekend, but you didn’t care.”

“i’m here now,” you pouted. “in your bed.”

“take a nap, then,” jeonghan said. “i’m gonna eat.”

you groaned. “you didn’t eat while i was gone?”

“too busy pouting in bed. your turn.”

you floundered and whined childishly for a moment as he laughed at you, leaving the room without another word. sometimes you hated how similar you two were, but only because it made you completely aware of just how annoying you were.

when jeonghan returned, you had completely passed out, holding his pillow under your head as you laid on your stomach. he smirked in the direction of the sleeping body and fiddled with a few things - closing the closet door, throwing a rogue shirt into his hamper, etc. - before making his way to the bed to join you.

his touch was gentle. enough to rouse but not frighten. you squirmed slightly, recognizing the way his hand dipped into even the most subtle curves of your body as you laid out comfortably. you gave a noise of approval when it ran over your ass, squeezing slightly. jeonghan smirked again, and you turned under his arm to face him, a soft smile on your lips.

“g'morning.”

“it’s four in the afternoon,” he corrected.

you sighed. “and it’s a good morning.”

“sure is, babe,” he drawled, smiling as you planted a smooch. his hand ran unhurriedly up your back, under your shirt.

you hummed. “are you really horny again?”

“listen,” he mumbled, almost laughing. “i just want to get of much of you as i can, while i can.”

you supposed that was as good a reason as any as you kissed him again, only for him to pull away and straddle the backs of your thighs. he pushed the balls of his palms into your lower back on either side of your spine, and you let out a low moan. jeonghan did this on occasion, treat you to a back rub. he claimed it was because you had the worst posture he had ever seen, but you knew it was an excuse to get his hands all over you, and you couldn’t hide how much you enjoyed it. you adjusted to lay straighter, burying your face in the pillow when he hit a particularly evil knot and had to dig it out with a thumb. you groaned as his hands travelled up your back, sliding the shirt up as he massaged into your shoulders. you sighed as you got up on your elbows and ripped off the shirt, tossing it somewhere on the floor, exposing your full back to him, your shoulders and neck littered in his marks. he admired them, even planted small kisses atop a few, then worked his way down your back, curving his hands over your ass.

you muttered a quiet thank you, and he smiled, giving you a succinct “of course” in response. he moved down to your legs, thumbs sneaking in your inner thighs and subtly spreading you out despite your pants. you hummed, pushing your hips to meet his touch, encouraging him to knead at your cheeks.

“have i ever told you you have a great ass?”

you giggled. “it’s average at best.”

“uh, no,” he said, voice pitched upwards in a teasing manner. “i think i’m a really great judge in asses and yours is fantastic.”

“yeah?” you peeked over your shoulder. “what’s so fantastic about it?”

jeonghan’s fingers dug into it, eyes shooting up to meet yours. “well, for starters, it’s connected to you.”

he ran a thumb over your crease, making you let out a small noise in response, and you buried your face in the pillow again. “shut up.”

he smirked against your shoulder, hands running up your back again and one landing on the mattress beside you as he pushed his hips against your ass. “yes, boss.”

you sighed, arching your back to get as much friction as you could while he ground his hard member against you. he sucked at your neck, and your hands dug helplessly into his hair as you whined.

“are we teenagers?” you asked, huffing. “do we have to dry hump or can we fuck like adults?”

jeonghan laughed as he lifted his mouth to ghost over yours. “impatient. if you were better, you would have asked for my cock nicely.”

“better,” you repeated, hating the way a hard wave of arousal washed over you, suddenly wakening your senses like it was from the pacific. “for you?”

the tip of his tongue barely swiped at your lips, your jaw twitching slightly in reaction. “you gonna be good?”

you tried to focus on him, your blown out eyes flickering hopelessly to his lips. “i-i can try.”

and with that, jeonghan yanked your pants over your hips and down your thighs, scooting them down as you hiked your ass up slightly, hoping to tempt him as efficiently as possible. his hands found your ass again, spreading you out as you groaned. “look at you, soaking.”

you bit your lip, making a pathetic noise into the pillow to avoid talking back. “please, jeonghan.”

two fingers ran over you, and you tried to muffle your moan as best you could as your hips moved involuntarily, pushing into his fingers. he smirked down at you, wondering how far he could take you as he messily spread your arousal. “bet you could take two right now.”

“yes,” you said, gasping slightly. “please, hannie, please, i can take it.”

he pushed two fingers into you, barely even scissoring them before pushing in a third, making you bury your face in his pillow as you groaned. “i’ve been fucking you good, huh?”

you nodded frantically, pushing against his hand as steadily as you could. he noted your neediness, and indulged you by thrusting his fingers into you until you were whining rhythmically to his pace. he pulled a finger out, then another, and you instinctively threw a hand back to catch him before he pulled away completely. he laughed lightly, his hand easily overpowering yours and pressing a kiss against your shoulder blade.

“sorry, were you close?”

you exhaled sharply. “that was so mean.”

“i’ll make it up to you,” he said, pulling your hips further off the bed and pushing you further apart. he licked a wide stripe up your core, and you moaned deeply into the pillow, gripping it with all your power as his tongue expertly ran over your clit. “you taste incredible.”

you panted as you turned your head. “i thought you just ate.”

“i have a separate dessert stomach.”

your thighs buzzed and gut fluttered, and you wondered how he always managed to make you weak in the knees, even when his tongue was buried in you. it wasn’t long before you were gripping at his wrist, knuckles white, quaking as his lips guided you through your orgasm, and he lapped at your release, licking wet stripes up your inner thighs as well.

when he backed away, you exhaled again. “jeonghan-”

“what?” he asked, pushing his own pants down his thighs. he stood to drop them to the floor before straddling you again, pulling your hips back against him. “is this what you want?”

your hand found his thigh, urging him towards you. he rubbed the head of his cock, already shiny and scarlet, against your core, and you practically begged on the spot. suddenly, he pushed you into the mattress, pushing his hips against yours but fucking into your thighs. you whimpered, his cock rubbing against you absolutely deliciously, but not at all what you were expecting. he groaned into your neck, snaking a hand up under you.

“god, you’re so wet, i almost don’t even need to fuck your pussy.”

you yelped when his fingers found a nipple and pinched. “h-hannie, please-”

“please, what?”

you squirmed. “please fuck me.”

he looked at you. “you get one more try.”

for a moment, you looked back at him and your mind went blank. “please, hannie, i need your cock.”

he smiled. “was that so hard?” his tone and kisses were sweet, but completely mismatched the frustration bubbling in you as he pulled back, making you moan again as the head bumped over your clit. “do you trust me?”

“yes, baby, please just fuck me before i scream.”

with one hand on his cock, he guided himself into you, a moan tumbling from his lips as he felt you completely unsheathed for the first time. you gripped the pillow in a tighter fist as he filled you out, and it took all your concentration to not squeal in a way that absolutely would have been heard by the entire apartment. his hands gripped your waist, pulling you back onto him as he fucked into you. as you adjusted to him, you began to curse the fact that this was only temporary - you would have to go back to unreliably private quickies in a few short days - and you suddenly got the urge to really savor the way jeonghan’s cock felt in you.

he leaned over you, changing the angle ever so slightly and just enough to make you cry out, and he put a palm at the base of your neck, wrapping his fingers around it slightly as he pushed you into his pillow. “i could fuck you raw forever.”

you tried to catch your breath to respond. “i would let you.”

you internally celebrated the low groan that escaped him, and the way his hips pushed impossibly further into you. externally, you rewarded the movement with a matching moan, though you slapped a hand over your mouth when you heard the game pause in the other room.

“don’t want them to hear you, baby?”

you whimpered into your hand as jeonghan kissed a line up the side of your neck, steadily rolling into you.

“can’t even talk?”

you shakily pulled your hand away from your mouth, trying to stifle your noises with just your will. “cheol already hates me.”

“he doesn’t hate you,” he said, his voice getting slightly more labored as he continued his pace. “i bet he’d love to hear your pretty moans.”

you clamped your hand over your mouth again, resisting jeonghan’s luring the best you could. he smiled against the hollow of your ear, nipping at it slightly.

“i know you want to, baby. just let it out.”

as he spoke, he shifted his hips, making you let out a high toned moan that was barely muted by your palm, and you buried your face in the pillow to avoid jeonghan’s shiteating grin.

“i love the way you sound when i’m fucking you,” he said, his voice never raising above his lowest register. his ability to keep his cool as you were utterly falling apart was perhaps simultaneously the most aggravating and sexiest part of the whole affair. “and you always back up against me like a bitch in heat.”

you reached back for a hand, but he swiftly grabbed your wrist to push it against your lower back. your chest heaved, and you hurriedly added your other wrist to his grip. with one hand restricting your arms and the other pulling your hip back against his, he licked his lips at the sight.

“i’m going to wreck you,” he panted. “i’m going to make you forget anyone you ever fucked before me.”

you let out harsh breaths as your chest pushed into the mattress. “already have,” you managed, peeking best you could over yout shoulder to the glorious view behind you. you enjoyed the way his tongue shot out between his lips, the way he watched his cock fill you tightly. you even liked the way his hair flopped over his eyes, even if you thought he was in need of a haircut. but you especially liked that he looked like he got lost in you. like he would never want anything but you.

you came fast and hard, squeezing him temptingly as you whined into the pillow. with that, he pulled out and rolled you over, fingers hooking at your pants to pull them off completely. you bicycle kicked to help him, then practically pulled him into you as his lips crashed into yours, hands pulling you as close as he could while you both repositioned your bodies. your hand went down to position him at your entrance again, and you gasped into his mouth when he slid into you again. his teeth tugged at your bottom lip, one hand gently massaging the back of your neck as you whimpered against him.

“you’re being so good for me,” he muttered, purposefully brushing his lips against yours with every syllable. “have i finally tamed you?”

your legs wrapped around his waist. “no chance in hell.”

he grinned, letting you pull him into more sloppy kisses as he steadily pulled another orgasm from you, and you couldn’t help but want him to cum with you. his eyebrows knit as your hands dug into the hair at the base of his head, eyes barely focusing on your lips as you begged for him to cum in you.

“you’re evil.”

you could barely smile. “and you love it.”

you choked slightly, body edging into overstimulation as you came again, and jeonghan pushed up off of you to better chase his own high. he pumped into you, hard and rough, for a few more seconds before you felt suddenly empty and he was shooting hot ribbons of cum up stomach and chest.

you bit back a moan, arching your back slightly as he stared down at your chest, leaning down to lick his cum off your nipple. you gripped his hair again, squirming as he sucked lightly, lapping more cum towards the peak. you tugged at his roots slightly, pulling him up to kiss you before he got you hot and bothered again when you weren’t sure you could handle more. 

“i can’t believe you pulled out.”

jeonghan laughed in your face. “i asked if you trusted me.”

you pouted. “i thought that meant you were going to choke me out.”

he kissed you again after a short chuckle, then sat up to grab tissues. “maybe next time.”

he didn’t say it like it was a promise, but he kept it like it was one.

and when your weekend of nonstop bedroom antics was over, you admittedly had fulfilled yourselves enough that the following privacy draught was almost bearable. sure, jeonghan asked you a couple times to come sit on his lap while he worked on lab reflections, and yes, it was much less innocent than one would think, but the two of you managed to keep unfortunate walkins to a minimum, which was only made possible by finally getting it out of your system.

also because you decided your thursday 7:30 was barely worth it most weeks, and jeonghan was always happy to run over to your dorm to fool around for a few hours while your roommate was in class.