#I hate allistic ppl rn so bad fuck

[mvunpoll]

TW: ABLEISM, KIND OF A VENT + RANT TOO

i will say firstly that this probably affects me directly. i know for a fact that i struggle a lot every day due to some sort of neurodivergent condition, but i dont know which one(s) because my parents (specifically my mom) dont believe i could ever be neurodivergent. which is real fun

however, based on a lot of conversations about this with a friend that has been diagnosed with ASD, i probaaaably have ASD. i stim A LOT, i have a lot of difficulty communicating and understanding social situations, i have to very consciously/intentionally rehearse behaviors (which also seem forced bc im not good at it T_T) when interacting with allistic people and uhh

tbh ive tried my entire life to be "normal," and i've repeatedly failed, which caused me great distress since a lot of people find me really annoying. i kept blaming myself, and i got so socially isolated that i became codependent on certain people which. im really really sorry to those people im so sorry

from this point forward, im gonna be using (censored) words that might make ppl uncomfortable. im not sure if these specific ones do, but i dont wanna accidentally make anyone feel bad. im also sorry if these words arent an issue and it just looks like im censoring "frick" or "heck" T_T

but the thing that's making me mad rn is some current day edgelords' usage of the word "aco*stic" in place of the word "a*tistic," and it's always in an insulting way.

like maybe it didnt start off as an insult, and people just found it funny in some sort of "bone apple tea" way but

the fact people are using it in an insulting way? the usage of the actual word in a negative way already pisses me off for obv reasons, but using "aco*stic" in its place just feels patronizing. as in

"ermm, i didn't actually use the real term, so why are you getting so worked up over a playful word?" even though it's being used in an identical way to how they used the real word. either way, youre reducing a real condition that people struggle with to just a way to make fun of people, so uhh fuck off

i see/hear it daily though in school and also just people casually using the r slur, so it just

fuck me i hate it. having struggles be reduced to """"silly"""" insults will piss me off to no end

[autisbians]

extensive autistic juno steel headcanons because i love projecting:

-so. one, juno’s autism was definitely... noticeable, when he was a kid. like, according to my hc, he didnt talk for a While, was a little slow to like.. learn things. which is prominent to juno (even in canon) but thats more of a trauma thing and im not goin into THAT mess rn

-ok ben?? was probably the only person juno really talked to bc, when he was rlly young, he hadnt learned how to ‘behave correctly’ w his autism (which i Hate that phrase but juno... thinks like that bc hes a sad lady) and still had a lot of issues w communicating correctly, not stimming in ‘appropriate places’ (which i also Hate but juno... has like internalized anti-autism? idk how to phrase it) and ben was like. the only person who Got It.

-ben didnt laugh at him for saying the wrong thing, his less subtle stimmings (flapping his hands a Lot, rocking, spinning, etc) and juno,, generally felt safe around him. once they met sasha and mick, juno had gotten... a tiny bit better, but he still regularly stimmed w/o realizing, still had trouble communicating, etc. mick made jokes abt it but sasha usually made him cut it out bc she was actually aware that autism was something... juno wasnt comfortable w making jokes abt

-when ben died. well. a lot of things got fucked up? like, juno’s one Really Safe Person was gone. sasha and mick were there, but juno had never allowed himself to just let go a bit in front of them? like he always tried to hold back as best he could in front of anyone but ben, so a.. lot of feelings got repressed! Not Good

-also juno stimmed w ben a lot (playing w his hands, hair, etc) and not having a person to do that w took out a really Effective stim for him?? so!! not good!!!

now. skipping ahead to hcpd times:

-by then, juno had gotten pretty good at determining some social cues (to an extent, at least), controlling his stimming, etc. when he slipped up, it was usually just seen as Oh, There’s Steel Being An Asshole Again, (ex, when he didnt respond to someone, interrupted, said something that wasnt really considered Socially Acceptable). because when juno originally went into the hcpd, he didnt tell them about his autism. i dont know how treatment of autistic ppl is in juno’s time, but i doubt theyd let an autistic person on the force bc allistic ppl are.. Like That

-captain khan eventually finds out bc shit.. goes down and he finds juno while hes having sensory overload, freaking out n stimming, All Over The Place essentially and. juno does have to tell him after. khan keeps his mouth shut abt it to the higher ups tho, bc hes a nice dude and even tho he would never admit it bc he doesnt like juno, really, he does feel bad for him, and kind of feels like he needs to Help sometimes.?

-anyway at that point there are 3 ppl who know juno has autism. sasha, mick, and khan. but!! when he eventually departs from hcpd and goes into private eye work, rita eventually finds out, bc rita is all-knowing and was bound to realize sometime. also she found juno’s few stimtoys (for emergencies, bc juno cant justify using them when hes not having an overload bc again, internalized anti-autism, thanks for that allistic society) and, like, Connects The Dots. she confronts juno abt it (kind of? more like she just asks bc like, it’s her right to know!! she’s workin for the lady!!). and juno,,, freaks out a bit?? more like 1 he’s embarrassed and 2 worried that rita’s gonna leave, but rita is supportive as HELL bc rita is a goddamn ANGEL

but also: rita is totally comfortable w juno stimming so like,, cut to juno AGGRESSIVELY CHEWING while working a case lmao

okay im gonna skip past a Lot, but. peter does notice juno’s autistic tendencies, because unlike mick, peter knows about this kind of thing, but he never really takes note of it because juno never says anything about it. even during final resting place, juno doesnt say anything bc hes internalized and repressed so fucking much, and he just assumes that if peter finds out, that’ll be it, peter will leave. because thats how juno thinks, partially bc of autism partially bc of trauma. so peter assumes that juno would have told him, so he dismisses the few symptoms he had picked up on as just weird juno things

but. skipping past a lot, cut to after the jupeter reunion. i think we all know the major hcs, but its to the point where they have the ‘juno is still a pi and stays on hyperion city, peter keeps on being a thief but always returns to juno, and juno comes w him sometimes’ arrangement. peter still doesnt know about juno’s autism bc juno is still.. worried. also, thanks to said autism, he doesnt really realize that he should have told peter by now?

but. peter runs into mick bc come on its gotta happen eventually; lets say its at a bar, or smth, juno is at his apartment

peter and mick talk for a while. peters mostly just amused at juno’s childhood (the good parts, at least, which is what mick tells). and then, bc mick is a Useless Straight, he slips up and mentions juno’s autism! also he assumed peter knew, but like. theyre just talking and mick comes across the How Mick Didn’t Know A Single Fucking Thing About Autism section w how he kept Touching Juno and Doing Overload-Inducing Things To Juno and like, other bad things w autism, but, before he gets to too much of it he just carelessly says smth like “-cause of juno’ autism, y’know-“ and peter is just like. W H A T D I D Y O U J U S T S A Y. mick is like. oh oops! shit!

mick feels like absolute SHIT but peter??? hes just REALLY WORRIED

and thats the story folks. i have discussed the aftermath with Many People so,,, uh hmu if u wanna discuss i am ALWAYS OPEN!!!!

also im autistic so like ;)) im not being ableist like a lot of the other ppl who make these kinds of hcs. anyway!! hmu Also @ sophie and kevin Make Juno Autistic Please I’ll Owe You Forever (but dont make him a stereotype or i’ll die ON THE SPOT)