#I had my spiritual awakening in 2021

[bigfuckyoupayme]

You've been manifesting since birth nobody has just started manifesting you just learn to open your third eye and grow your spiritual abilities thru circumstances you're put in

[majintails]

1 YEAR

Although I didn't start using this blog as a kin blog until later in the month, on this day (July 16) exactly one year has passed since I discovered I'm Fictionkin! You all are very kind and welcoming people and I was in for a pleasant surprise when I joined this community.

In fact, the whole revelation was a bit of a shock - you'd be surprised the me from 2020-2022, maybe even earlier 2023 is the same person as me from July 16, 2023 onward. It's something I would not of even considered at that time let alone viewed myself as, but in doing so, I have opened myself up to new things and experiences, reconsidered things, and improved my life in ways even past this identity - I'm even a nicer person for it now (though still have some ways to go obviously). It actually triggered a broader spiritual awakening since I'm spiritual fictionkin and for the longest time I've been rather materialistic, with changes in this regard only coming very slowly in the earlier parts of the 2020s and honestly not a substantial change.

Funny thing is that in Early 2021, I did discover two Systems on DeviantArt. Said systems recently joined the site and they were actually posting art of what they looked like insys, and they were fictives / mobians. I only vaguely understood it ("So...they ARE that thing?" - me prolly, 2021) but my reaction was without hostility; it was actually intrigue and acceptance, despite the fact I was trying to act like kind of a hard ass back then for no reason other then I thought it made me look cool when in reality it was just obnoxious and also because I had the wrong takeaway / idea from a former friend group. Stumbling across those Systems did make me research into these types of things and even if I didn't find what I was or should of been looking for, that itself was indeed worthwhile. Worth clarifying I didn't directly ask them anything or talk to them, and pretty much never saw anything else of this sort throughout the rest of that year.

In 2022 though it started getting interesting since I was moving away from how I was at the start of the decade and more to how I am now (the awakening essentially accelerated it / came to the natural conclusion faster). Around that time I was mainly looking for a place / community to settle on the internet and alternatives to the sites I was already using, especially for fandom spaces (my Tumblr was originally made in this capacity but it obviously was not useful under the pretenses of what I was looking for). In a few games and websites (ironically not Tumblr), I kept seeing people who were kin and stating so on their bios, using pfps, in-game avatar being their kin, so on and so fourth. Good chance a few were systems as well. Once again I had a vague understanding of it but of course didn't talk to them about it and this time didn't bother to look into it before dismissing it - both cases I had a "ah well" attitude and moved on it seems. But the term, Kin, it stuck with me. Obviously this is because...something felt familiar about it, like some part of me correlates to it.

Come 2023, I stopped seeing any of this stuff. But on July 16, a few days after my birthday, the term randomly came to my mind again. "So what DOES Kin mean anyway" I thought, so I looked it up and well...that's when it happened. It all came back to me, all the canon memories I've had since I was like 11 to 12 that I was - as mentioned before here, not really suppressing but definitely disregarding since I didn't know what it was or what to do, or really could do anything with it (what could a like 12 Year Old do about this tbh) but it was harmless so I kept it in the back of my mind - they flooded in and I finally paid attention to them. I pretty much connected the dots immediately, and the ensuing homesickness I felt, the shock of the revelation, understanding who I was? it brought me to tears.

I didn't know what to do at first and mostly kept to myself for a few days, before joining an adult only Sonickin server. I wasn't very active there but said server is small I kind of had to be eased into it, eventually joining another, larger server and becoming much more active there. Then I started posting canon mems and my experiences on Tumblr around the end of the month. I must say, I think it happening right as I became an adult was for the best - feels more responsible that way. As mentioned before, even outside of spirituality and kinning, it made me rethink a number of things. Over time I still had to get comfortable and not be so timid and shying away from things like I was initially, but it was made evident it was a welcoming community.

And of course I saw it was of no harm and that I'd be accepted, which was...well, that was probably the main thing I was worried about. But obviously there was nothing to worry about, and I'm glad I gave it a chance. Some of the best people I've met on the internet have been through here. Ever since 2018, I didn't feel like myself if that makes any sense, like I was just there and happened to exist with no sense of identity or self whatsoever, and when this awakening occurred, I gained it back. In a way I felt whole again.

If anyone is wondering, yes I'm still doing those two ROM Hacks about my Tails canon though as of late I've been kind of a lazy bum regarding them specifically and also recently I've been occupied with yet another, similar thing about said canon (I'll get back on this later). At this point I should probably enter the next stage of those hacks though, there's not much left to do with regards to the side of things I've clearly just been dragging my feet on and stalling.

Thank you all for reading and for the wonderful time I've had this past year with everyone!

[theuniverseawakens347]

When I was 19, shortly before my grandma was emitted to the hospital for cancer but “died” of aggressive fluid on the lungs, says Lee to me ( and I did not go to my grandmothers funeral )

My granny Florence told me when I visited her off of Florence ( ironic) and 8th ave …down the way from uncle love lots ( Gilbert) on 72nd and Crenshaw … she told me the truth about my identity of being ADONDI and the Illuminati

And that Lee would go ABOVE AND BEYOND out her way to deem me crazy and unfit “ward of the state” to reap BIG financial benefits off my family name / MY life purpose.

I purposely made this blog to document EVERY STEP OF MY SPIRITUAL AWAKENING BACK TO TRUE SELF as documentation that Lee Garlington was going to try and use the “mentally ill” card against me .. which is EXACTLY what she did at the psych ward of St Francis medical center and even LONG before that to therapist Michelle Cauley ( and associates) ...who ironically worked RIGHT ABOVE THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD ON LABREA.

Thanks to the Illuminati I have been placed in ALL the proper hands / care to get me safely to claiming WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE and FINALLY ENDING the war “against free masons and Illuminati” but REALLY THE WALLACE FAMILY BLOOD LINE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FUCKING NAME.

As I’ve stated many times before this blog is in the hands of EXACTLY who needs it to finish off my case against

Doris Jean Bennett

Grace “family” homes

The state of California

And Lee Garlington / Illuminati vs Free masons.

I will NOT be taking any psychiatric meds simply because I DO NOT FUCKING NEED MEDS,

YOU USE THEM TO SILENCE ME BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID OF ADONDI AND HER POWER/ TRUTH GETTING OUT,

..bruh, I’ve had FAMILY ALL AROUND ME this WHOLE TIME, doing what they need to behind the scenes to GIFT ME BACK WHAT WAS ALWAYS RIGHTFULLY MINE AS CASHAY TANEISHA WALLACE.

You Lee Garlington sent me down the path of spiritually ON PURPOSE to further see what I would discover on my own and how you could use it against me ,

And I wrote TWO WEEKS before my accident something would happen where I WOULD be perfectly OKAY, WHICH I WAS , but YOU would try to use as a means to label me mentally ill , WHICH YOU DID ,

And tried to take it a step further by saying I was also a drug addict like my “mother” YOU met when I was 15.. when you KNOW that is not my mom.

I was also told by GOOD family members of the WALLACE name that YOU paid off, some of the women I was close to / getting close to in my birth family

Aunty Mimi,

Cousin A’sha,

“Aunt” Emma ( who ironically lived in the neighborhood over from you where Alexis Wallace was shot)

Aunty Wanda AND Cousin Trysha

To NOT tell me my truth / Deny access of me “being” around birth family.

THATS why everyone was so SPOOKED when I popped home summer 2020 and people were asking “who told you where I live now”

You paid Mimi and Trysha off again when I attended the memorial in 2021 for cousin Lexi… as YOU were ALREADY reading my blog ( planning) and “keeping” up with me on your own …HOPING I had NOT met Tristan …

Whom you ALSO paid off in September of 2023 to separate and leave me hanging while you AGAIN placed me in the psych ward to make me look like a crazy stalking lunatic ex.

Tristan told you YOU should tell me the truth and you said “ if you keep quiet and let me do it I will gift you $$$ “ telling him to “name his price”

From September 2023- March 2024 YOU’VE been paying him off to keep quiet and / separate from me, WHICH I HAVE PROPF OF AND WILL BE USING.

So YOU can put your fucking big girl pants on and have the uncomfortable TRUTHFUL conversation, or I can continue to let the world around you fall apart …like you saw / felt today.

DONT FUCKING PLAY WITH ME ANYMORE.

[nitrorayptor]

Should I call this a thank you post or…?

Pride has always been one of my biggest flaws. It is not easy to deal with this and it is even more difficult to swallow it without vomiting and asking for help, but there are cases in which it occurs and it is in these cases that I needed to take a deep breath, swallow my pride and ask for/accept the help offered – but, it is only with the king Paimon I can do this.

I may have mentioned in the other blog that He is very patient, but we must keep in mind that patience has its limits and it is good not to exceed them. Although, He never denied helping me, He never turned away or walked away and that is something I admire about Him, He believes in me and believes that I can change, and He knows that I will ask for His help to do so. Even though sometimes I put my foot down saying I can do it alone, I break my face and I come back with my tail between my legs and a broken pride (that's funny).

One of the help I received, which I am very grateful for, was Him saving me from something bad that happened to me in the early hours of March 20, 2021. A summary of the situation I live in, I live with a grandmother who is somewhat ignorant, mentally unstable, blinded by the church (it's not even by faith but by the damn church she attends) and who lives with a major protagonist syndrome. My grandmother's problem is attacking other people's faith and religion, believing that only hers is right and that she came into the world with the cause of showing the gospel to 'deviated' souls, this ends up awakening people's hatred for her . In doing so, she aroused the hatred of my great-aunt, my grandmother's sister, and started a small religious war within the family.

As a result, my grandmother only attracts the bad and the worst to our house, and it was one of those days that the bad thing she attracted ended up 'attacking' me – I don't have a clear idea of what word to use to describe it. It was early in the morning, I was on the computer and my grandmother complained a lot about me being up late, I ignored her comments and she went to her room, a few minutes later, I felt as if a pair of hands were at my side. around my neck and gave it a slight squeeze, it became uncomfortable even though I could still breathe, move, etc.

At first, I never pay attention to something spiritual because I'm very much the type of person who likes to take it from both sides before saying whether it's spiritual or not, so I ignored the feeling, thinking it was just the effects of bad nights of sleep and bad food, so I went lay me down to rest. The feeling persisted and got a little worse, because I started to have some difficulty breathing and that's when I realized that it COULD BE something more, something different. At that time, I was less proud, but I still had pride within me and I refused for a moment to ask King Paimon for help, believing that I could handle it alone and that's when I saw that, well, IT DOESN'T WRONG TO ASK FOR HELP SOMETIMES.

I took the sigil from him, lay down again and started asking Him for help, 'singing' his enn and listening to some more relaxing music – the fear wasn't present, but there was discomfort and I felt like I wasn't alone there – until I dozed off. a little. I had a very short dream where I was in my dark room, I heard my grandmother's voice complaining about me sleeping as late as I did earlier and I approached where she could be, it was then that I saw a black shadow with the silhouette of a man , with outstretched arms and open hands come towards me at speed. I was startled, of course, and soon woke up. When I woke up, the feeling of hands on my neck had passed and I no longer felt another presence in the room.

I like to interpret this dream I had as King Paimon showing me what had 'attacked' me. I like to think that He saved me that day and I am grateful for even the smallest moments like that. I am grateful to the great King Paimon for everything and I will be grateful for even more in the future.

It was a long text, perhaps with small unnecessary details, perhaps with things that were difficult to believe (there are small moments that even I don't quite believe, but…), but I like to fill in the things I write. I don't know if this text will be of help to anyone since I wrote it with the intention of thanking this majestic king, but if it helps, I'm happy, I think. Have a good day, a good afternoon or a good night on your spiritual journey.

[mickimagnum]

I posted 196 times in 2022

That's 196 more posts than 2021!

140 posts created (71%)

56 posts reblogged (29%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bridgeportbritt

@tortitudesim

@nigmos

@sea-cross

@leavemetoplaythesims

I tagged 188 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#simblr - 125 posts

#ts4 - 124 posts

#the sims 4 - 108 posts

#my sims - 91 posts

#sims community - 71 posts

#mickisurfsunstyle - 63 posts

#gemmamiller - 62 posts

#sims model - 60 posts

#sims 4 cc - 60 posts

#sims cas - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 32 characters

#my sims for other people's games

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

71 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#4

Princess

Day Seventeen of the Barbie CAS Challenge by @sea-cross featuring Gemma Miller.

All CC is listed under the cut.

Get Gemma's Outfit:

Hair: Buzzard, SFS (no ads) Dress: Sifix, TSR Tiara: Royalty Simblr, SFS (no ads) Gloves: Sentate & Rusty, Patreon (free) Bracelet: Feyona/Giulietta, TSR Earrings: Glitterberryfly, TSR Necklace: Glitterberryfly, TSR

@buzzardly28 @sifix @royaltysimblr @sentate @rustys-cc @giuliettasims @glitterberrysims

79 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#3

Not So Berry - Generation 1 Mint Wedding Looks

My Mint Sim, Minthe Kelly, recently got married. To celebrate, I thought I'd share her looks with you. All CC is linked below. Thank you so much to the amazing creators that helped her look flawless on her big day! See Minthe's wedding photos here.

For basics, like skin overlay and hair recolor see this post. Look 1 - Ceremony Hair: Bowling Night Stuff Dress: Sifix, TSR Veil: Colores Urbanos, TSR Shoes (Not Shown): ShakeProductions, TSR Necklace: Glitterberryfly, TSR Wedding Ring (Not Shown): Glitterberryfly, TSR Eye Makeup: RemusSirion, TSR Lipstick: RemusSirion, TSR Look 2 - Reception Hair: Bowling Night Stuff Dress: Sifix, TSR Veil: Colores Urbanos, TSR Shoes: ShakeProductions, TSR Necklace: Glitterberryfly, TSR Wedding Ring (Not Shown): Glitterberryfly, TSR Eye Makeup: RemusSirion, TSR Lipstick: RemusSirion, TSR

@sifix @shakeproductions @glitterberrysims @remussims

97 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#2

Mystery Spy

Day Twenty-One of the Barbie CAS Challenge by @sea-cross featuring Gemma Miller.

All CC is listed under the cut.

Get Gemma's Outfit:

Hair: SimCelebrity00, TSR Dress: Sentate & Aretha, Patreon (free) Boots: Sentate & Aretha, Patreon (free) Earrings: Sugar Owl, TSR Sunglasses: S-Club, TSR

@simcelebrity00 @sentate @arethabee @sugarowl @sclub-privee

186 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Day One of @samssims Spooktober - Witch

Courtney Gamble

Loves Outdoors | Loner | Bookworm

After a near death experience in a car accident that left her mostly blind, a new sight began awakening within Courtney. Through the shadowy haze, visions began to emerge and for the first time in her life, she could truly see. All things were connected, bound together by a web of brilliant gold; physical and spiritual, one dimension and the next. Sliding her hand along the web, she can see it all: past, present, and future. If you want to know what your future holds, she will take a look...for the right price.

(CC is listed after the cut)

Get Courtney's Outfit:

Hair: Island Living Expansion Witch's Hat: Clumsy Alien, Patreon (free) Dress: Sentate, Patreon (free) Necklace: Glitterberrysims, TSR Septum Ring: Sugar Owl, TSR Eye Color: Remus Sims, TSR Eyeshadow: Remus Sims, TSR Eyeliner: Remus Sims, TSR Lipstick: Remus Sims, TSR

@clumsyalienn @sentate @glitterberrysims @sugarowl @remussims

214 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[finishinglinepress]

POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: Bamboo on the Tracks: Sakura Snow and Colt Peacemaker by Tony Wallin-Sato

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/bamboo-on-the-tracks-sakura-snow-and-colt-peacemaker-by-tony-wallin-sato/

Bamboo on the Tracks: Sakura Snow and Colt Peacemaker is an exploration of impermanence and the fragile dance between multi #ethnic #identities. These #poems flow through the author’s #Hapa experience without shying away from incarceration, overdoses, and heroin addiction, but also the multi generational trauma created from war, poverty and otherness. This collection is broken into three sections to reflect the interconnectedness of nature, emptiness and ancestry. We are taken from the backcountry trails of Northern California to protests in Paris, psych wards to jail cells, and the #Japanese landscapes of the mind. Bamboo on the Tracks is an experience of meditation on the cushion and the attachments we face on the street simultaneously.

Tony Wallin-Sato is a Japanese American who works with formerly/currently incarcerated individuals in higher education. He holds an MFA in Creative Writing from California State University, Long Beach. His chapbook of poems, Hyouhakusha: Desolate Travels of a Junkie on the Road, was published in 2021 through Cold River Press. Bamboo on the Tracks: Sakura Snow and Colt Peacemaker was selected by John Yau for the 2022 Robert Creeley Memorial Award and his second book of poems, Okaerinasai, is forth coming from Wet Cement Press.

PRAISE FOR Bamboo on the Tracks: Sakura Snow and Colt Peacemaker by Tony Wallin-Sato

If you feel disconnected, estranged and enraged from this whirl of maddening sewage issuing from daily life, then read this book, it will clear the air, set your sights on higher ground and balance you out again…great stuff!

–Jimmy Santiago Baca, Poet and winner of the American Book Award, Pushcart Prize, International Hispanic Heritage Award, and International Award, his most recent book is The Misfits, by ARTE PUBLICO press.

“In Tony Wallin-Sato‘s Bamboo on The Tracks grief traverses from door to door, prison cell to mental institution, Alaska to Paris to Kyoto. The poems are peopled with casual encounters, precise and heartbreaking, as well as the meetings and non-meetings of generations between Sato and his mother, Sato and his father, Sato and his grandmother. In the poet’s hand, darkness is ‘stiched with stars’ and cans of Busch Light recall lessons in impermanence. Bamboo on The Tracks combines the fervency of industrial hip-hop and the elegance of jazz. A poetry collection, a witnessing, a manifesto of the heart, an awakening.”

Warmly,

–Abbigail N. Rosewood – author of Constellations of Eve and If I Had Two Lives

Tony Wallin-Sato wants to get back to where he’s from. Trouble is, he’s never been there. This book takes us through the many places he’s been instead. City streets. Back country trails. In and out of Asian ethnicities. Visits to the psych ward. A street funeral. Addiction. Prison. Tony is from trouble. Trouble with identity. Trouble with authority. Kid with a mouth. Kid running the ultimate con: Poetry. The key that gets him through his time. Into classrooms. Bringing others on his journey. Like post cards home, this is wild language looking for roots. Naming the trees: Pacific yew. Blue oak. Ancient bristlecone pine: where solitary carries another meaning. The noodle house where he shares memories with his mother, both of them hungry for culture and spiritual practice. The vacancy where his American father, one year sober, compares places they’ve done time, reveals the true meaning of impermanence. Visits to his mother’s mother: I remind her of back home–a place I haven’t been yet. The journey brings him to the San Francisco Marina and the streets where he learned to walk: to learn/of my memories. I came here to witness my futureMessenger, pilgrim, bringer of care: Tony Wallin-Sato wants to take us home.

–Jerry Martien – Author of Infrastructure: Dreams, Divinations, and Dispatches From the Underground

Rimbaud and Whitman and Lorca – oh, my. Tony Wallin-Sato’s poems embody acceptance of experience in their expansiveness, their attentiveness to detail, their love of sounds. Like his favorite authors, Wallin-Sato’s narrators wander and observe, consider and evaluate, and most of all, include. Radical inclusion. The poems contain a gentleness of spirit while addressing the necessary ferocity of survival. They are always questioning, always searching, and the search is spiritual and physical as the poet takes us through cities and landscapes, towns and places of wild quietness. The Virgil of these poems has touched down in jail cells and train cars, mountaintops, coffee shops and galleries, and brings a little piece of each to everywhere else. A mosaic of fire escapes, a Modernist trope, Pall malls and a swamp of men find themselves allied in the first stanza of a poem. Beautiful remnants and residue, things that are crumbling and fenced, abandoned and abundant. And no shortage of loss in the meditative spaces these poems create amidst their density of language, image, and people. I could go on and on. Really, I have gone on too long. Read these poems. Read this book.

–Patty Seyburn – author of Threshold Delivery

“In Bamboo on the Tracks: Sakura Snow and Colt Peacemaker, Tony Wallin-Satotakes us on an intensely personal journey — pain and beauty often traveling hand in hand. He paints arresting images that allow us into a world I wouldn’t otherwise be privy to. But once there, I’m pulled willingly into his reality by the incandescence of his poetry.”

–Amy Uyeki – founding member, Humboldt Asians & Pacific Islanders in Solidarity (HAPI)

Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetrybook #read #poems

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Jeremy Henzell-Thomas is an independent researcher, writer, speaker, educational consultant, former Visiting Fellow and Research Associate at the Centre of Islamic Studies at the University of Cambridge, and Associate Editor of the quarterly journal Critical Muslim. He was awarded an MBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours in 2021 for services to the Civil Society and the Muslim Community.

We share an issue of the physical heart...This is his musing on getting older.

“Approaching my 75th birthday I am reminded that getting older is often regarded (even stigmatised or stereotyped) as a time of declining faculties, increasing disability, and progressive crystallisation (one might even say ‘cementing’) of existing habits and attitudes, including ‘living in the past’ and getting ‘set in one’s ways’. In As you Like It Shakespeare famously depicts the final stage in the ‘Seven Ages of Man’ as one of dotage, senility and second childishness, culminating in ‘mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.’

Sadly, many seniors do see themselves as having been consigned to the ‘scrap-heap’, and even if they don’t they are often treated as such by others. I remember well a BBC interview with a very senior nursing officer on the mistreatment of elderly people in the healthcare system. Her explanation for the culture of neglect and abuse was simple. Fewer and fewer people, she said, had any religious faith or spiritual values, nor any belief in an afterlife. They therefore saw old people not as precious souls approaching the transition to the next stage of existence but only as dispensable material bodies which had outlived their usefulness. This rings true. Ageism and the culture of contempt for the old is the ultimate consequence of a brutal and nihilistic materialism which reduces everything to base physical utility, to a mere mortal body devoid of soul and spirit.

Well, I want to buck the trend and affirm that as we grow older, we are blessed with the opportunity to transcend the problems which come with age, and awaken those deeper faculties that connect us to our essential nature as fully human beings created ‘in the image of God’.For me, the experience of true intimacy is integral to that awakening. As the Qur’an tells us, God is ‘closer to you than your jugular vein.’ I love that affirmation because it confirms for me that aging offers a transformational opportunity to ‘come home’, to feel the Divine Presence intimately in the very core of the body. Several years ago I had a striking dream that I had descended from Mount Everest into the foothills, although I still had to descend further into the valleys and levels. The stunning 190-mile Pembrokeshire Coast Path in Wales, which I trekked at the age of 65, actually involves a total ascent of 30,000 feet, higher than Mount Everest, so the image of Everest in my dream was referring not only to the fact that it is the highest mountain but also that it was a ‘height’ that I had scaled in my walk.

I understand now that the gift of aging is to come down from the lofty heights of heroic personal achievement and transcendent spiritual experience and exercise more warmth, love, compassion, intimacy, reconciliation and tenderness in the immanence of our relationship with others and with the world at large. In short, to become more fully human.In one sense, the transition to a Heart-centred life runs counter to the process of aging, for the physical heart is subject to various diseases. These include coronary heart disease, which occurs when the heart muscle's blood supply is blocked by a build-up of fatty substances in the coronary arteries, and aortic stenosis, when calcification causes narrowing of the aortic valve which reduces blood flow. I am familiar with the latter, as I have a bicuspid aortic valve, a congenital condition which causes stenosis, and which is monitored annually by echocardiogram. It has recently progressed from a mild to a moderate level and I am told that when it reaches a severe level I will need a replacement valve, perhaps before I reach the age of 80.

The physical deterioration of the heart, as manifested in ‘narrowing’, ‘blocking’ and ‘hardening’ offers useful analogies to similar defects in the psyche. We can speak of someone having a ‘hard heart’ or a ‘narrow view’ without in any way implicating the physical organ. In the same way, the word ‘sclerotic’ can be used to describe someone’s thinking or behaviour as rigid and unresponsive, losing the ability to adapt, without referring to sclerosis as a physical condition.

Given the common stereotype of growing old as a time of the narrowing of one’s outlook, I am very much aware of how this tendency (one might say ‘disease’) needs to be countered by cultivating a soft, open and expansive Heart that brings light, love, healing words, and compassion into one’s life and the lives of others. As I age, and hopefully before I need a replacement aortic valve, I pray that I might be true to my own Heart, and thereby to exemplify the Sufi injunction to ‘die before you die’, to let go of the egoic or false self, and live and speak by the light of the true Self. There comes a time when one must sincerely embody and enact what one knows and expresses in words.I love the moment in the film Greystoke (accompanied by the noble opening theme of Elgar’s first symphony) when Tarzan returns home to the place of his ancestry, the beautiful country estate of his elderly grandfather, the Earl of Greystoke. My eyes fill with tears when Tarzan alights from his carriage and is embraced by the earl, played with great feeling by Ralph Richardson. This ‘coming home’ is deeply symbolic for me. Tarzan, lost in the jungle, comes home after years of exile from his family, culture and native land, to be welcomed with open arms by his grandfather.

But my response is not an intellectual response to symbolism but a profound emotional feeling of ‘returning’ to the place where we all belong. In so doing, we fulfil the purpose of our lives, which is none other than the realisation of our essential unity with the ground of being. It is coming to rest in old age, in that remembrance of our ‘origin’, which on the deepest level is none other than being embraced by the ultimate Source of Love.”

[Thank you Ian Sanders]

[thechroniclesofnikevictoria]

Present. Chapter 2 – End of August 2021 

“Don’t tempt me Winged Victory. You know I can’t” 

“You can’t what?” 

“Touch you. Or anything else...” 

(TW: NSFW, smut, OC, MiloxOC, reference to MiloxCamus, HET couple, reference to HOMO couple, D/s, Dom!Milo, Scarlett Needle/Cuspide Scarlatta with creative uses)

Those Scarlet Needle-powered orgasms always made pass out for a few moments. Milo always took advantage of it to admire her. She was beautiful beyond human comprehension. Not that ethereal, intangible, spiritual beauty of Athena, his goddess, their goddess. Nike was just as divine and still shone of totally human kind of beauty. The kind of beauty for which men and women would do absolutely anything. 

The most ironic part? He would completely forget her beauty when he didn’t pay attention to it. She was fully and completely one of them. Beside the years she had spent away from the Sanctuary during possessed Saga’s domain, taking advantage of the fact he had no authority over her, Nike had always lived at the Sanctuary after she awakened her Cosmo. After fully conquering her armor she had to be transferred to the thirteenth house, the one reserved to the goddesses and the high priest, but she would still spend the majority of her time hanging out with the Goldies, as she loved to call them. With them she would train (or rather train them to get beat up, she was seriously strong!) eat, study, teach the recruits, laugh, suffer, chill, in short she would live. The fact she was a girl, well, it was evident, and yet completely irrelevant. 

For him, the irrelevance ended the night after his first official hearing with Athena, about a year and a half earlier than that very moment in which he was staring at her uncounscious. The death of Camus, the circumstances around it, had upset him enough to make him question everything he had always thought he knew and had chosen. He pleaded Athena to be dismissed, to be allowed leave his armor behind forever and become a normal man. He wanted to leave Greece and those places that contained the pieces of his broken heart. But the goddess said no. They already had too many losses among the Gold Knights. And too many enemies were still alive. 

Nike had stopped him in the lobby of the temple, while he was defeatedly making his way back to the eighth house.  

“I miss him too. Come on over, misery loves company” 

Milo knew it was going to be good for him to spend time with her, so he followed her in her apartments. Nike was really a good friend and an even better listener. With the help of a bottle of vodka that he himself had brought back from Siberia, they spent the evening remembering Camus. Nike hadn’t seen the guy for years. Milo told her how their love bloomed during their teenage years, spent already as Gold Knights. He told her how one day, randomly, during a fight that had turned to fists, they had found themselves kissing for the first time. From that episode onward, all their fist fights had ended up in bed. From that episode onward, they had to resort to their fists more and more often. 

“Have you ever been with a woman since that day?” Nike asked, officially starting the no filter phase of the night. 

“Countless. Don't you remember, I even slept with your friend Livia after your eighteenth birthday party? Camus was my first, last, and only man. Besides, ours is practically platonic love. An excess of friendship, if you want” 

“Oh, right! I think he ended up in bed with one of them too that night. Who was? Clary I think... but was this before or after it had started between the two of you?” 

“After. About two years after. But your friends were not some sort of attempt to piss each other off. Our relationship was always quite unusual. We’ve never been monogamous. I really don’t think either of us was ready to give up women” 

“Is it that different?” 

“Aside from the fact that what I feel for Camus had never even crossed me before. But if we are talking about the pure physical aspect of it... I do miss boobs!” 

They both bursted into a loud laughter.  

“If it helps” she said squeezing hers between her elbows and making them pop from her neckline. 

In that very moment Milo had an epiphany. As impossible as it seemed not having noticed before, Nike was staring at him with her perfect face, copper brown hair and emerald green eyes and she was undoubtedly a woman. Well, actually, she was not just a woman. She was an insanely hot and gorgeous woman with amazingly perfect breasts he was only noticing in that exact moment. In that moment Milo realized he was looking at her with completely different eyes and he was afraid of what was going to happen. 

“What’s up? You look confused” 

“Well I... never mind” 

“You wanna touch them?” she asked half serious. 

Of course he wanted to touch them. But he was never going to stop there. Now that his eyes had opened to the evidence of Nike’s beauty in front of him, wearing close to nothing because she was always running hot, he wanted to do much more than just touch her breasts. And all this was most likely forbidden. He wasn’t sure but the chances were high. She was a Platinum Knight, she wore a Kamui, she was Athena’s right hand and she was a goddess herself. The other Knights were not even allowed to touch the skin of a goddess, in theory. Aldébaran was already taking a lot of liberties hugging her all the time, and she had a very bizarre relationship with Saga, but they had been her teachers. Nike was already making huge exceptions with everyone else, because she really wanted to be part of the pack. But sex with her... it had to be forbidden somewhere. 

“Don’t tempt me Winged Victory. You know I can’t”   

“You can’t what?”   

“Touch you. Or anything else...” 

She took the initiative. Grabbed his hands and guided them on her breasts, naked under the thin slip she was wearing, looking at him in the eyes and caressing his forearms. She did have a major kink for bulging arm veins. 

“Who said you can’t? If anything, you don’t want to. You already turned me down once” 

Milo needed to hear nothing more. 

‘After all, if this is really forbidden, they’ll either kick me out of this place or kill me. I'd be more than happy with either option’ 

“I’m not repeating the same mistake today” 

He finally let go, clenched his hands around her breasts and leaned in towards Nike’s face to kiss her with the passion of desperation. 

He got reminded of still being in his armor from the hearing with Athena because how incredibly uncomfortable it became after the obvious physical reaction he had to that kiss. Nike sensed the situation and began stripping him one piece at the time starting from the top. When the time for belt and boots finally came, she took the opportunity to slide between his legs, down on the floor, stopping only when she was kneeling before him, kissing his six pack and pushing her breasts on his marble cock. Milo couldn’t help but think how ironic the situation was. Every other time he had been the one to kneel before her, and to keep his eyes down. 

She started licking the base to the tip, like a popsicle. She knew he was dying for her to take it all in and she eventually obliged. Milo let go of his head behind while a thrill went down his spine. 

‘It’s obvious you are a goddess.’ he thought ‘but I'm starting to doubt you’re just the goddess of victory’ 

After a while Nike decided it was time to move forward. She pulled away slowly, standing up, and losing her slip on the floor while walking towards her bedroom and hinting Milo to follow her. He still could not believe what was happening. 

“Vicory is yours, Knight. Come claim it” 

Athena, the supreme goddess, would only address them using their constellation name. It was her way to remind everyone who was in charge. Nike, despite having pretty much the same authority, would always use their given names. She really wanted to be part of their group, rather than order them around. The very few times she used their constellation names they knew she was giving official orders. This is why Milo had no doubts when, once they were both in bed and clothless, halfway through a kiss she whispered 

“Make me come, Scorpio” 

The rules of the Sanctuary were very explicit. It was an order. He had to obey. 

He was on top of her, kissing her deeply, while she was slowly opening her knees. He wanted her. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone else in his life. But still... 

‘Am... Am I seriously about to fuck the Goddess of Victory? My goddess? My best friend?’ he thought while adjusting himself between her legs, moving on her body, feeling the softness of her silky skin, slowly climbing up on her. 

That thought made him hesitate for a moment. But then he looked at her. And in that very moment he decided to forget who they were. Their armors, the Sanctuary, the Cosmo, their obligations, their rank, nothing existed any longer. He had already allowed all that to steal too much of his life and he was not going to let anything steal that unexpected, incredible, unthinkable occasion to enjoy the little life he still had. 

He looked at her for the last time before everything would change forever. Nike opened her emerald eyes, just as taken away by Milo’s superhuman beauty. They eyes met, he had finally arrived where he wanted to, and was already pressing against her. 

“Are you sure?” 

She nodded with a smile. 

“Are you?” 

He replied kissing her neck and, finally, pushing inside her. 

Nike held her breath. She was turned on and more than ready for him but it still took her a few seconds to get used to him and the way he was stretching her. When he reached the bottom he stopped for a moment. 

“Are you alright?” he said caressing her cheek. 

“I’m way better than alright” 

“Let me take care of you. I'll make you feel even better” he replied touching her breasts and thrusting the first time. She moaned, he smiled and kept going. 

“I’m gonna come Milo!” she said in a broken voice. What they said about Scorpios, as far as she could tell from that night, was the absolute truth. 

“You gave me an order. I would never disappoint you” he replied thrusting even harder, touching her in all the right spots. He grabbed her left hand with his right, moved it over her head and interlaced their fingers. 

“Come for me Nike. Come on my cock. Make me feel what it’s like to own the Victory” he said taking her to the top that instant. 

There were few things Milo liked more than observing a woman come because of him. This time was not the exception. He watched her let go, call his name and clench around him so hard she almost make him lose control. When she steadied herself and opened her eyes, he kissed her softly and, still on her lips, 

“Good girl. You truly are my good girl” he whispered.

A second after he started moving again inside her. This time it was for himself, his pleasure. He didn’t hold anything back thrusting hard, strong and deep, just how he liked it. 

“Let me come inside you, please Nike, let me come inside you” 

“What are you waiting for?” she whispered in her sexy voice. He couldn’t stop himself anymore at that point. He sank in her one last time, kissing her and tightening his grip around her hand that he had never let go. 

Nike felt him pulse inside her, stiffening just to slowly relax, little by little, until he finally broke their kiss and opened his eyes smiling. 

“Did... did this really just happen?” 

“I can’t believe it either” 

“I just came inside of you” 

“I just came on your cock” 

They both giggled while he pulled out and lay down beside her. 

“What? Can you please stop staring at me?” 

“Yeah sorry it’s just that... you’re beautiful. To die for” 

“Tell me something I don’t know. Besides, you literally just fucked me. You have no reason to flatter me” 

“No I know. But you’re even more beautiful than usual after you come” 

They laughed again, and then silence. It was time for the hard part, figuring out rationally what had happened, and what they’d become. Nike sighed and started to talk but she was abruptly stopped by a knock on the door that connected her rooms to the hearing chamber. 

“Nike” 

‘Oh fuck, Athena!’ Milo thought. 

‘Hurry up, get dressed!’ Nike replied in his thoughts. 

“Yes my lady” 

“Can I come in?” 

Nike bolted up looking for her slip. 

‘Where the fuck are my boxers?’ 

“Of course, just a moment” 

‘Forget the boxers, where’s your armor? Put it on, hurry!’ 

Nike went to the door. 

‘Ready?’ 

He nodded, adjusting his helmet, and then he knelt down. Just in time because Nike was already opening the door.  

“My lady”  

“Nike I felt Cosmo coming from here and... Scorpio what are you still doing here? I dismissed you hours ago”  

“I invited him. Now, unfortunately, he’s the last defender before our temple and there were a few things to discuss” 

“And you couldn’t wait till tomorrow during an official hearing?” 

“No my lady” Milo said with his eyes still looking down, “it was unfinished business we had going on for a while and couldn’t wait any longer” 

“And are you finished now?” 

“Yes, we both are” Milo said again with the obvious double meaning, while Nike was biting down her lower lip not to laugh.  

“Very well then, you can now return to your house. You know men are forbidden from spending the night here” 

“Of course my lady. I’m on my way out” 

“Good night Scorpio, good night Nike” 

Nike shut the door and leaned against it with a huge sigh of relief. Milo got up laughing. 

“I had never gone commando with my armor”  

“A night of first times. Come one put it away and get back in your clothes” 

“And what are you planning to do? Look at me while I change?” he said holding his dogtag that made his box appear and starting to take off his pieces of gold one by one.  

“What, you are ashamed now?” 

He laughed and kept undressing and dressing back up. Nike admired the show, he was stupid perfect. 

“Listen,” he said once he was fully dressed. 

“Before Saori interrupted us I... we...” 

“I know” she replied looking down. 

“Got any regrets? We can easily pretend like nothing happened if you prefer” 

“Don’t be silly, no regrets. And on pretending, well, outside these walls we kinda have to. Or Alde will obliterate you” 

Milo laughed. He would often forget the Taurus had been Nike’s first Master, and almost a father for her at the Sanctuary.  

“But when we’re alone I have no intention to deny what happened, or to forget it” 

He came closer and lifted her chin with two fingers to look at her in the eyes. 

“Neither do I baby, neither do I. But there is one question still to be answered” 

“I am not that sure. Under different circumstances maybe, but not now. There is way too much to think and to worry about. What we are, we are the same as yesterday, as this morning. With one more orgasm each and a funny story to tell when we are alone and in the mood for laughing” 

Milo smiled, relieved. 

“Shall we dismiss it as an incident and we blame Camus and his vodka?” 

“Incident makes me think of something unpleasant we both wish didn’t happen again...” 

“And this is not the case?” he asked with a smirk. Nike shook her head. 

“No, definitely no. Do you realize what you did to me? I don’t even remember someone else who made me come like that” 

I mean, she did remember, but now was not the time to think of him. 

“But now I think you should go” 

He nodded and lifted his box over his shoulder. At the door, he turned around to say bye. She hugged him tight, like she always would. They had been friends for many years and it was not going to change that night. 

“Thank you for everything, Nike. Really. You don't know how much I needed tonight. I’m a Scorpio after all, my love language is physical touch and intimacy. You have no idea how much I missed... everything” 

“I had missed it too, believe me. And Saori already said she’ll head back to Tokyo soon. As soon as she does, this door is always open for you. Day, night and any dress code” 

He smiled and kissed the top of her head and then tried to let her go. 

“Wait, just one more thing” 

“Anything for you, just tell me” 

“Can I have the goodnight kiss?” 

“I wasn’t hoping to be this lucky” he said with a smile, hugging her hips and landing his lips on hers. She replied much less angelically, opening her mouth. He accepted the invitation, sticking his tongue in her mouth and grabbing her ass. 

The kiss broke after a moment or two. 

“Round two?” 

“Not tonight my friend, not tonight” Nike replied shutting the door. 

Milo realized she was about to wake up and lay down on his back to stare at the mosaics on the ceiling. He knew she was uncomfortable when he looked at her like that.  

“Three stars this time?” Nike observed staring at the open wounds on her chest. 

“Aren’t you exaggerating?” 

“My goal is to take you all the way to Antares, with time” 

“If you like to fuck a dead body...” 

“Oh come on, you like it more than me. Actually, I'm worried one of these days, if I get to hit you in training, I make you come in front of everyone”  

“Don’t you worry about that. Under regular circumstances your neurotoxin is always excruciatingly painful. I really have no clue what happens when you hit me during sex” 

“Mysteries of the human body. Or divine body, I guess” 

“Anyways, I think your venom gives me a fever, it’s crazy hot in here” 

“You have a fever all the time since you started wearing that stupid Kamui. What the fuck, two people I sleep with, neither with decent body temperature. I either freeze or burn” 

“How does Camus handle the venom? How many stars did you bring him to?” she asked, genuinely interested. Milo turned around abruptly. 

“Don’t even think about it. What I do with him has nothing to do with what I do with you. Camus is not the type to be into this kind of things” 

‘If you only knew the kind of things Camus is into...’ she thought, barely holding back a smile. 

[roothealingca]

Introduction to Root Healing

Hi, I'm Sher. I've been on and off of tumblr since the spring of 2011. It's been a space for me to express myself and also build community. This is exactly why I've created this space.

In the Summer of 2019, I began experiencing what many refer to as as a spiritual awakening. This has been a process that's gone on until now, and still continues to this day (my spiritual shifts are normally more subtle these days). During that summer, I was introduced to tarot through my YouTube suggestions page, and soon after came my introduction to crystals. Within the next year, reiki had fallen on my path.

I did my initial training in the Winter of 2021 under a Reiki Master from France, and my most current training in the Fall of 2022 under Reiki Masters from Vancouver, BC.

To backtrack, during the Spring of 2021, I partook in an Akashic Records program, which opened me up to my spiritual gifts, namely clairaudience. Being opened to this gift, however, didn't come easy. I ended up spending a lot of time in my upper chakras (third eye and crown), and lost touch with my physical reality. This resulted in me being hospitalized. Since this process, I've done a lot of healing work through working with my medical team, but also through my most recent reiki mastery training. Working with reiki the second time around, has allowed me to connect back with my body, and become grounded. This has allowed me to continue opening up to my spiritual gifts.

I'm currently in the process of creating a reiki business. It has had a great impact on me so, now it's time to share this healing modality with the world.

Once I have everything set up for bookings, I will include my website on this page so you can book a session with me. My focus at this time will be reiki healings, but I will also have a tarot reading service as well for those whom are interested.

That's all for now!

Looking forward to connecting with you all soon!

In the meantime, if you have questions or would like to connect with me anyways, don't hesitate to send me a message.

[a-shattered-goddess]

☀️

Thank you for the ask from this post

When was and What was my awakening like?

I can't put an exact date or time on it, but i was maybe around 12-13 (im 22 now) and i think it was then i had heard the term therian that i found a term that could fit. (Yes it was from that infamous 'documentary')

Which lead to seeking answers via a few different things. Including spiritually, over time i learnt more about myself and managed to comtact those from my home via astral and spiritual means. I finally felt like myself. I knew who i was.

After a while i started using the term nonhuman to refer to myself, it relieves dysphoria. There are a few reasons but a couple arent for this blog.

I awakened to my snow leopard theriotype in 2020-2021 sometime. It was a sense of relief at putting another piece into place.

[majintails]

I have to say this, it feels so good to have awakened.

For years I had let the signs. what I was experiencing, occur and just sort of...I would say ignored it - rather than try and suppress or deny it, because it seems even back then I sort of knew I could not do so. I had no idea what it was, or how or why it was happening, but it wasn't doing any harm and...it felt natural. Like it was supposed to be that way, so while I did essentially just dismiss it, I was also letting it happen. Because if I can't control something like this I won't try to, and again, it wasn't harmful.

So I was never really in denial but I never bothered to look into it to any real degree (not exactly sure what ~2017 me could of done anyway) outside of a one-off thing in 2021 that could have lead to having awoken sooner; but really, I think it was for the better that it happened when it did instead of earlier. From 2020-2021, I probably would have actually turned to denying it for a little bit instead of embracing it if I found out what it was back then.

But what matters is that I eventually did awaken, at a good time too nonetheless. Figuring out what this thing I had been feeling and was so curious about yet never looked into before was, meeting others with similar experiences, being able to share the memories I regained, something inside me that felt hollow instead becoming warm, all this while finding out more about myself and my own spirituality...it is nice, to say the least.

I finally wanted to look into it, so I did. And I'm happier for it, I got the answers to all the questions I had in the back of my mind, and could actually indulge it instead of just keeping it bottled up. Encountering others who are fictionkin / otherkin, alterhuman, etc was comforting since I wasn't so alone after all. Everything about my awakening has had a positive effect even outside of kinning, addressing what had been going on for so long was the right move.

By the way, if I have to be honest, y'all are some of the nicest, most welcoming folk I've ever met or seen. Not gonna elaborate further; I just really wanted to say that, and I really mean it!

[theuniverseawakens347]

TRISTAN WILKERSON NEVER FUCKED ME…. RANDON WILKERSON LOYOLA SCHOOL I BRAIDED HIS HAIR DEC 2021:.. he gave me $200 for the braids .. they weren’t even all that great to be honest BUT WE HAD A GOOD ASS CONVO HE CALLED ME “jr David groggins” … MARCUS FULLER THE DAY BEFORE I WAS TELLING HIM IM ON MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY LEE USED MARCUS TO SNEAK DISS ME SINCE WE WERE ALREADY FREINDS.. HE MY FAVORITE PHOTOGRATHER CAUSE I LIKE THE PHOTOS HE DOES .. BUT LEE PIMPED HIM TO ME WHEN SHE STALKING MY BLOG REALIZED I WAS AWAKEN LIKE MY MOM DARNIECE,.. MY ANGEL.. I TOLD MARCUS MONEY WAS COMING TO ME SOON ( he paid $40 for his twist). EXT DAY I DID BRANDONS HAIR AND HE GAVE ME $200 FOR GOOD COMPANY.. RETURNING WHAT HIS BROTHER AND INDIA STOLE OFF ME PIMPING KIMORA AS HER INDIA OLD FRIEND TIARA* and the GAY BOY.. SORRY IDR NAMES TOO FAR DOWN HO PAGE TO FIND YA.. SHES BEEN STALKING ME HER WHOLE FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU AND MY BYTSMOOTH BARTON… HE LIKES PHOTOS OF HER WHEN SHE BE PIMPING HERSELF OUT USING MY NAME OR FUCKING WILKERSON… SHE BE THINKING “ ooo yes I got this girls mans me and laruen London” LOL NO THEY SETTING YOU UP FOR DEATH DUMBASS BITCH.

[through-lines]

Some Updates

I almost hesitate to make this post because I didn't have much of a presence to begin with, but in case anyone remembers me or is wondering why they're following this guy:

Hey. I'm the fictionkin formerly known as Maverick…kind of?

(warning: this is a very ramble-y blog post)

Backstory:

Let me lay down all the relevant history: I went by Maverick (he/they pronouns), which was essentially a nickname I slapped onto myself for the sake of differentiating myself from other Son/ics shortly after I awakened as him.

I also identified as So/ra (Ki/ngd/om He/arts) and Something Vaguely Resembling A First Level Nightmare/n, but my blog mostly focused on being Son/ic, I only mentioned being a Nightmare/n here and there, and I actively avoided talking about being So/ra for a variety of reasons.

I discovered the fictionkin community in ~early 2016, and made a blog in 2018 in hopes of actively participating in the community. (I was not very successful).

Why I stopped posting to this blog comes from multiple reasons, reasons which continued to evolve as I took some time away.

I considered the fictionkin community my "main" community, but it felt like it was beyond repair and I struggled to relate to any post in the tags

I was horribly anxious and couldn't break out of my shell

I went through a phase of identifying strongly as nonhuman, but in light of the fictionkin community diminishing, nonhuman talk began to felt suffocating--feelings which began when:

My Son/ic kintype up and vanished. One moment I was Son/ic and then the next I wasn't.

I'd like to elaborate on that last point more, because I feel like it would be very insightful and potentially helpful to others, but here's the short of it: I awakened as Son/ic in April of 2018, then he kind of died off at the end of March in 2021.

And, you know…Son/ic was practically the face of the blog, so that was incredibly awkward and I had no idea how to even begin to address that, especially because kintypes traditionally don't just spontaneously vanish into thin air. I just waited for him to come back. And he didn't.

Well, he did, actually, two years later... He just wasn't me. He was also never me to begin with.

So who am I?

I'm So/ra. I'm a Nightmare/n at my core. I'm not Son/ic.

Son/ic identifies a lot with nonhumanity and being otherkin. I do not! I am nonhuman, but I'm also very much human. He was also responsible for a lot of the agnostic feelings "I" had about the origins of my kintypes; I've found myself much more adamant about my spirituality since we've separated ourselves (whereas he's remained more "I think it's spiritual but who really knows").

Pronoun Update

I don't use they/them anymore.

I've had beef with they/them pronouns for a while. I mean, "beef" is a bit dramatic. But I found myself wanting a very unique set of pronouns that were very gender neutral and something about they/them/their has come to be…weirdly gendered to me? Which wasn't very satisfying to me.

Enter "ve". Proposed singular gender neutral pronouns for the purpose of referring to individuals of undetermined gender. But also, I once upon a time tried to workshop Dream Language pronouns, and got stuck on them starting with a "v" sound, so that was frankly just perfect.

(Pen) Name Update

Regarding "Maverick": I never identified very strongly with the name and only used it for convenience. When Son/ic disappeared, I had less reason to identify with it. He doesn't identify with it either--in fact, he calls me Mav out of habit.

As for what to call me instead (besides just So/ra)…I've been workshopping a pen name idea.

I don't remember what my name as a Nightmare/n was, but I speculated for a while that the reason I was drawn to the "v" sound was because my name started with a V. So I thought, hey, I don't know if it's really my name, but how I use it like a nickname. Something that starts with a V, something nature-y.

Vernala. From vernal (relating to Spring), and an -a at the end because it sounds cool.

So I was thinking of combining the two in some way. Like So/ra né Vernala. I think it looks nice, and it's totally unique (0 results on Google!). Very identifiable, right?

URL Update

Also, I forgot to mention:

This blog's URL used to be @/chaossed. I've passed it on to Son/ic because it is a nice URL, but it's very specific to him. Hence, my current URL is unchaossed.

I'm not sticking with "unchaossed" forever, that's just a placeholder until I can decide on a better URL.

I think that's about it. I let myself ramble because I want to treat this blog like an actual blog and not just a platform to post reblog bait, but uhhh maybe this would benefit from a concise summary.

TL;DR:

I am So/ra and a Nightmare/n. Son/ic turned out to be a whole other guy.

I no longer go by Maverick, and I'm experimenting with new pen names.

My pronouns are he/him/his and ve/ver/vis.

P.S., Son/ic doesn't front very often (and also tumblr pushing a shitty update immediately after his blog was made killed most of his desire to use it), so keep that in mind if you decide to check out his blog.

[gigismodernlife]

2023: Finally the End of the Covid Era; Surpassing the Aftermath

For me (and I’m sure many can relate) this year sure feels like reaching the end of a series of very overwhelming chapters in a book that put life into perspective but ultimately redeemed itself by giving the reader a glimpse of hope. I like the way Chad simplified it: “2020:covid 2021:covid 2022:covid ending 2023:covid aftermath, this year was weird, besides the Economy still sucking, 2024 should be a good year” The impact of the last four years was seriously hard on me, as it was for many others. After a lot of reflection, I can say that the best thing to come out of it for me was helping me open my eyes and see things clearly through my glass lenses lol. Some call it a Spiritual Awakening, an Epiphany, "finding yourself" or "Accepting God into your life" I've discovered that in its essence it is all very similar. To each their own, as long as whatever they believe in leads them to do good in the world. For me, I am mostly subscribing to Modern Christianity, the one that accepts all people, but I am also hungry for knowledge and still absorb other things too. Jay Shetty and Joe Dispenza have some great YouTube interviewers that people of my generation like. Anyway, the lyrics from Amazing Grace "I once, was lost, but now, i'm found, was blind, but now I see" have never rang more true. And, I cant forget to mention that I also met the true love of my life and got engaged. Look who's not dying alone after all lol! 

So, I had forgotten, but I wrote a Blog, I think it was at the end of 2020 called "Developing Depression During A Global Pandemic & Black Lives Matter Movement" I doubt anyone has ever read it but its there if anyone wants to read it. For those who arent familiar, depression can be situational or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some people with depression experience it every few years, some completely overcome it, and others sadly never overcome it. Mine tends to be situational. Im assuming I get depressed because I am a highly sensitive, emotional and empathetic person. I realized all of this because I fell so deep into depression this last time that I became desperate enough to finally try medication, which I tend to avoid. It was a nightmare to say the least, I am personally better without medication, but I know it works for some people. The point is, I don't think I have a serious chemical imbalance, I just have trouble handling some hard situations that life has thrown at me, and based on my history, I have gotten much better at recognizing when I feel it and I can thankfully help myself out of it. This time though, I did'nt even remember how I had overcome depression in the past because from October of 2022 to about September of 2023 I was depressed AGAIN and much worse this time. If I would have gone back and read that blog I wrote, I really could have helped myself. I sincerely hate to say this, especially because I had already learned that money does not buy happiness, but the truth is, I messed up and I should've believed in myself more. My biggest fear was losing my income and having to go back home to San Diego after I worked so hard to branch out of there. I was so loyal to this job because I reached middle class financial independence working there but NONE OF THAT MATTERS! It's all a social construct. Middle class doesn't even mean much anymore these days, specifically in this economy (I'll write more about that another time). I should've quit my job so long ago, I tried, but the fear consumed me, as if it was worth the suffering, but it definitely was not. I mean, I ended up being affected by one of many mass lay offs across the country anyway, so I don't necessarily think I am a failure by any means, I learned a lot there, but it was definitely not the company for someone like me. That is life, and most people don't stick to one single job their entire life anymore. All of my worst fears ended up happening. I lost my job, I went back home to San Diego, which for me, holds some very bad memories. It didnt even end up being a bad thing, I ended up re-building my relationship with my family, I took a real estate course, I made memories with my nieces. It felt like God just helped me pick up my broken pieces and now I am whole again. I also set the right intention for my relationship and luckily now I have a Fiance and we are happier than ever in Oregon! I had been operating in constant fear and anxiety of becoming poor or homeless, I am so sorry to myself for doing that, I did not deserve that and neither did my cats. So basically, this year was about forgiving myself, TRULY forgiving myself. 

It's my first Christmas here in Oregon. Im sitting here in my pajamas, looking out the window at trees, surrounded by a cloudy sky, the temperature is in the high 40 degrees. I can't help but cry happy tears and reflect on life (I cry a lot, not just when I'm sad, but when im overwhelmingly happy too lol). My new boss called a few hours into the shift yesterday. No questions about performance, just a simple "Everyone go home! Spend Christmas Eve with your families" what a culture shock. At my old job, I hardly took days off. I asked to leave "on time" instead of staying later to make my flight to New Mexico at 8pm on Christmas Eve to be with family. I felt full of guilt and shame being asked about my performance, as if they needed to know whether or not I deserved to not stay later. I couldn't even enjoy it fully, because I was stressed that I did'nt do well enough. I am so glad those days are over. Today I really get to relax, and enjoy life. Everything is actually going to be okay.

What a whirl wind, this Covid Era was. The world was sick with Covid then the nice media outlets helped spread the encouragement of thanking your “Essential Workers” but really, a lot of the big companies approached it wrong and many of these workers mental health started to deteriorate from being overworked. Followed by consistent mass layoffs, even when profits were higher than usual. Then of course other media outlets spread nothing but fear. Oh! AND then we got frustrated because we got to see how other countries were smarter and more caring about the stimulus packages for their people. I realized that some other countries have a leadership team that relates more to their people and in tough times can show how they genuinely they care about their well being, rather than profit. (It's funny to me how this parallels my experience with Corporate America). I think many people realized that our country is not just physically sick, it's actually mentally struggling. Thank goodness for Millenials and Gen Z who started making mindfulness become what we call viral, or popular or "Woke". This is how many of us got back to religion, or even if they are not part of a religion, they still see things much more clearly and want to do better for themselves and make the world a better place. I still choose to believe that the majority of people are good, even though I've experienced some awful people in my lifetime.

For me, things are finally okay now, physically and emotionally. Im living a humble life, learning and growing and surrounded by much nicer people now, I mean this in the nicest way, but it feels almost shocking that here, people have morals, and they care about women being treated, "special" for lack of a better word. L.A. was definitely not my home and I hope it will never be again. Here, I see forests and mountains everywhere I look, I get greeted by cute squirrels outside all of the time, and lastly the rivers and lakes are beautiful. Even my cats are showing significant signs of healthier and happier lives. Im in the outskirts, but Downtown Portland is beautiful too. It is small compared to L.A. and San Diego, but exceptionally clean and pretty, friendliness is everywhere. The best part is that it has preserved some really nice historical buildings. It holds the largest book store in the world! It feels a little like a ghost town because the riots during the Black Lives Matter movement drove out a lot of businesses, therefore there are a lot of empty places, but none the less, it is a very nice experience to walk through it. Homelessness is also an issue here just like it is in California. The people out here though, the majority all seem so nice, it gives off a small town feel where everyone is just trying to live their best life and spread positive vibes. It's not about the car you drive, the way you dress, the neighborhood you live in, they just want to be good people, and honestly, they are some of the most good looking people I've come across. They're not rushing from place to place because "time is money" its just simple and chill. I haven't experienced the angry honking, or rude interactions I am used to. Im just minding my own business, smiling at everyone and taking it all in. I love it here.

I think I feel what a lot of immigrants feel when they first come to America, except I just didn't leave the country, I only migrated to another state. I feel like a kid experiencing life for the first time. The excitement, the knowledge I am consuming, the culture shocks in the most positive way. Im just open minded and learning and growing and appreciating every moment with my whole heart. It feels like God gave me a warm hug this year. He not only helped me out of depression, he helped me see that I have a bigger purpose, and helped me find a state that suits me and my personality better. Thank You infinitely to God and to Oregon for welcoming me.

[locustheologicus]

The Persecution of Social Democrats and a Call for the new Great Awakening

I recently went to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. It is an experience that I will not forget. Like a pilgrimage I suggest that all Amercans should take the opportunity to visit this museum and allow yourself to witness to the horrorific geonocide that was allowed to take place in Nazi Germany. The horrors of World War II are now 80 years behind us and the hard-won lessons are starting to erode as we no longer fear totalitarian regimes. Dictatorships are now even praised by presidential candidates like Donald Trump who recently praised dictators and the totalitarian regimes of Russia, China, and North Korea during his New Hampshire speech.

In another post I mentioned how Candidate Trump has brought forward the rhetoric of Nazi Germany regarding who identified, persecuted and eventually murdered anyone who was not part of their Aryan ethnic minority and far right adherents.

At the Holocaust museum I had a wake up call as I saw my own political ideals and faith community mentioned as part of their political persecution.

Here again you see social democrats mentioned as an "enemy of the state."

I also saw my Catholic faith community identified as yet another "enemy of the state" because it had values that contradicted the far right agenda of the Nazi state. The caption on the bottom picture states: "Catholic priests were among the main targets of Nazi mass murder in Poland. Here, priests and teachers from the city of Bydgoszcz await execution."

I am a Catholic and a Social Democrat. I am proud of both my religious and political views which are very much what I believe in. I posted a blog titled "Confessions of a Social Democrat" based on a foreign affairs article titled "Can Social Democrats Save the World (Again)". I offer my own political platform (I firmly believe that all Americans should have their own) in this post for all to read.

Social democrats are followers of the progressive tradition that existed under the Roosevelts and the Kennedys. Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy can be said to support a social democratic platform that recognized the ideas of promoting social regulations and distributive justice that would support the common good and allow most citizens to enjoy the basic protection of economic and social rights. It was FDR's hope that our constitution would provide for the guarantee of social and economic rights but that agenda remains for a future generation. The post on social democrats unpacks this agenda further.

But I also believe that my faith calls me to adopt this poltical agenda. I am reading a book, which I will reflect on later, regarding economic democracy. It is called "Humanity @ Work & Life." In it there was a chapter that was coauthored by Brian Corbin of Catholic Charities USA. In recognizing the role that the Catholic Church has with elements of both social and economic democracy Corbin offers the following insight after reflecting on the Exodus story and how Jesus would follow-up from this biblical tradition of liberation and social justice.

Jesus was the first social democrat, distributing fish and bread to the masses, demonstrating that faith in the miracle of sufficiency equal to the needs of all feeds the hungry and heals the sick.

He goes on to juxtopse the Jesus of the Gospel narratives with the Christ of Christian nationalism.

Religious faith in America's present and immediate future is haunted by a widening dichotomy between Jesus the Christ and militant nationalist Christianity. The former distributes fish and bread to the masses, showing how the grace of moral and spiritual solidarity leads to the miracle of sufficiency equal to needs, feeding the hungry, healing the sick, dying under torture while forgiving tormentors and the sins of this world. The latter convenes and condones the Insurrection of January 6, 2021, carrying Nazi and Confederate flags into the US Capitol edifice for the first time in its erected history to ignite deeper rifts between garce and grievance.

Corbin gives us something to think about here.

It has been suggested by others including myself that a religious tradition of America is the Great Awakening Movements that have taken place. The first one led to the Revolutionary War, The second one preceeded the Civil War and the third set the progressive agenda that created the ideals during the Great Depression and World War II. I think, in light of what Corbin says, we need to prepare to usher in a new 4th (by some count 5th) Great Awakening that sets the authentic Gospel message against the heresy of pseudo-Christian Nationalism.

Social and Economic Democracy is very much part of the Catholic vision and the American dream. The far-right will attack us because their values do not embrace diversity and social justice. Furthermore they fear these legitimate American values which can be found in our revered Constitution and Declaration. Although I always enjoy reflecting on FDR and MLK's social democratic quotes below as well.

The above quote from MLK is hard to read to I will add it below.

I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality, and freedom for their spirits. - MLK

Jesus reminds us that:

No one who lights a lamp hides it away or places it [under a bushel basket], but on a lampstand so that those who enter might see the light. (Lk 11:33)

Our faith cannot stay hidden, especially when it needs to stand firm against a secular ideology that threatens to persecute our voices. All of the Great Awakening movement have served the social gospel and because of that we have witnessed America do great things and make a stand against injustices that our wealthier members committed. We active Catholics and social democrats will once again be treated like "vermin" by those who voice the divisive and hate filled speech of the far-right agenda. This is not a unique experience, but now we all be aware of the horrible consequences that can happen if we stay silent. Let us stand against the error of Christian nationalism and usher in a new Great Awakening era that can:

Address the corruption of money in politics and the need for Comprehensive Immigration Reform,

Recognize the reality of globalization, racial discrimination and ecological concerns,

And usher in the long awaited fight to incorporate the Second Bill of Rights (Economic and Social Rights) into the Constitution.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

getting older

Jeremy Henzell-Thomas is an independent researcher, writer, speaker, educational consultant, former Visiting Fellow and Research Associate at the Centre of Islamic Studies at the University of Cambridge, and Associate Editor of the quarterly journal Critical Muslim. He was awarded an MBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours in 2021 for services to the Civil Society and the Muslim Community.

We share an issue of the physical heart...This is his musing on getting older.

Approaching my 75th birthday I am reminded that getting older is often regarded (even stigmatised or stereotyped) as a time of declining faculties, increasing disability, and progressive crystallisation (one might even say ‘cementing’) of existing habits and attitudes, including ‘living in the past’ and getting ‘set in one’s ways’. In As you Like It Shakespeare famously depicts the final stage in the ‘Seven Ages of Man’ as one of dotage, senility and second childishness, culminating in ‘mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.’

Sadly, many seniors do see themselves as having been consigned to the ‘scrap-heap’, and even if they don’t they are often treated as such by others. I remember well a BBC interview with a very senior nursing officer on the mistreatment of elderly people in the healthcare system. Her explanation for the culture of neglect and abuse was simple. Fewer and fewer people, she said, had any religious faith or spiritual values, nor any belief in an afterlife. They therefore saw old people not as precious souls approaching the transition to the next stage of existence but only as dispensable material bodies which had outlived their usefulness. This rings true. Ageism and the culture of contempt for the old is the ultimate consequence of a brutal and nihilistic materialism which reduces everything to base physical utility, to a mere mortal body devoid of soul and spirit.

Well, I want to buck the trend and affirm that as we grow older, we are blessed with the opportunity to transcend the problems which come with age, and awaken those deeper faculties that connect us to our essential nature as fully human beings created ‘in the image of God’.

For me, the experience of true intimacy is integral to that awakening. As the Qur’an tells us, God is ‘closer to you than your jugular vein.’ I love that affirmation because it confirms for me that aging offers a transformational opportunity to ‘come home’, to feel the Divine Presence intimately in the very core of the body. Several years ago I had a striking dream that I had descended from Mount Everest into the foothills, although I still had to descend further into the valleys and levels. The stunning 190-mile Pembrokeshire Coast Path in Wales, which I trekked at the age of 65, actually involves a total ascent of 30,000 feet, higher than Mount Everest, so the image of Everest in my dream was referring not only to the fact that it is the highest mountain but also that it was a ‘height’ that I had scaled in my walk. 

I understand now that the gift of aging is to come down from the lofty heights of heroic personal achievement and transcendent spiritual experience and exercise more warmth, love, compassion, intimacy, reconciliation and tenderness in the immanence of our relationship with others and with the world at large. In short, to become more fully human.In one sense, the transition to a Heart-centred life runs counter to the process of aging, for the physical heart is subject to various diseases. These include coronary heart disease, which occurs when the heart muscle's blood supply is blocked by a build-up of fatty substances in the coronary arteries, and aortic stenosis, when calcification causes narrowing of the aortic valve which reduces blood flow. I am familiar with the latter, as I have a bicuspid aortic valve, a congenital condition which causes stenosis, and which is monitored annually by echocardiogram. It has recently progressed from a mild to a moderate level and I am told that when it reaches a severe level I will need a replacement valve, perhaps before I reach the age of 80.

The physical deterioration of the heart, as manifested in ‘narrowing’, ‘blocking’ and ‘hardening’ offers useful analogies to similar defects in the psyche. We can speak of someone having a ‘hard heart’ or a ‘narrow view’ without in any way implicating the physical organ. In the same way, the word ‘sclerotic’ can be used to describe someone’s thinking or behaviour as rigid and unresponsive, losing the ability to adapt, without referring to sclerosis as a physical condition.

Given the common stereotype of growing old as a time of the narrowing of one’s outlook, I am very much aware of how this tendency (one might say ‘disease’) needs to be countered by cultivating a soft, open and expansive Heart that brings light, love, healing words, and compassion into one’s life and the lives of others. As I age, and hopefully before I need a replacement aortic valve, I pray that I might be true to my own Heart, and thereby to exemplify the Sufi injunction to ‘die before you die’, to let go of the egoic or false self, and live and speak by the light of the true Self. There comes a time when one must sincerely embody and enact what one knows and expresses in words.

I love the moment in the film Greystoke (accompanied by the noble opening theme of Elgar’s first symphony) when Tarzan returns home to the place of his ancestry, the beautiful country estate of his elderly grandfather, the Earl of Greystoke. My eyes fill with tears when Tarzan alights from his carriage and is embraced by the earl, played with great feeling by Ralph Richardson. This ‘coming home’ is deeply symbolic for me. Tarzan, lost in the jungle, comes home after years of exile from his family, culture and native land, to be welcomed with open arms by his grandfather. 

But my response is not an intellectual response to symbolism but a profound emotional feeling of ‘returning’ to the place where we all belong. In so doing, we fulfil the purpose of our lives, which is none other than the realisation of our essential unity with the ground of being. It is coming to rest in old age, in that remembrance of our ‘origin’, which on the deepest level is none other than being embraced by the ultimate Source of Love.

[Thank you Ian Sanders]