#I guess the use of French is supposed to make him appear even more arrogant

[miss0atae]

Miyata and every viewers:

[blazedgraysons]

babe can u bless us w some new years smut w papi gray ?

oml i’m sorry it took me so long to finish this but of course, angel!! lmaoo let’s start the new year out with some hate sex with gray.

warnings: so i guess the words papi gray triggered something in me because i don’t really know what this is anymore. anyways hatefucking, a smidge of choking, some dirty talk and the return of my fave: cocky fuckboy grayson. anyways hope you like it bby <333

New Year’s had never been your favorite holiday. Too many blacked-out people in a bar, all with high hopes for the year that come quickly crashing down the next day along with their hangovers. Plus, it doesn’t help that you’ve been puked on two NYEs in a row.

It wasn’t like you had a personal vendetta against the holiday, just the older you got, the more you wanted to spend New Years' at home. So you ended up creating your own traditions: Indian food, shitty beer, and rewatching your favorite chick flicks.

This is why you were so surprised to find yourself outside of a huge party this year. Your two best friends had dragged you with them, explaining how they didn’t want to ring in New Year’s without you.

“I look like a disco ball.” You groan as the three of you walk in, Ali and Stella confidently leading the way.

“You look hot.” Ali assures, smiling in what you figure is supposed to be a comforting way. She had been the one to invite the two of you tonight, and a part of you feels bad for your miserable attitude, knowing that she just wanted to spend time with you.

“Warning: Dolan at 3 O’Clock.” Your other friend, Stella, whispers into her red solo cup, and you can feel your bad mood return. Turning your head slightly, you can see Grayson Dolan walking in with his entourage, already acting as if he owns the room.

You can hear Ali snapping at Stella, reminding her how they agreed not to point him out tonight, but all you can focus on is how arrogant Grayson looked.

The two of you had never gotten along, a wrong first date leaving each other permanently on the other’s shit list. Despite your disdain for another, the two of you ran in the same friend group, so you saw each other more often than you like. At this point, everyone knew to keep you two far away from each other unless they wanted a whole night of insults, fighting, and yelling.

“Remind me why you two hate each other again? It’s been like two years.” Stella asks nonchalantly, tilting her head as she holds up her drink.

“We just do. He was a dick on our date. Some people aren’t meant to get along.”

“Aw, you two just need to kiss and makeup.” Ali coos, fixing your hair.

“More like fuck and makeup. So what if you had a bad date. The two of you still have this weird sex thing that needs to be figured out.” Stella interjects.  

“I do not-“ Your friends start laughing at your loud objection, watching as your face grows hot in embarrassment.

“I do not want to fuck him!” You hiss, hiding your face from nosy onlookers.

“Why not? I would; he’s fucking hot.” Stella whispers, gesturing over to him. All three of you look over at where he’s standing against the kitchen counter, laughing loudly with his group of friends.

You hated to admit it, but she was right: he really was super attractive. He’s simply dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, denim jacket finishing everything off. It’s nothing special, but you hate the fact that he still somehow managed to look better than everyone else here.

He looks over, smirking when he sees your little group staring at him. All three of you turn away, doing a horrible job at trying to look inconspicuous. Your back is turned towards him as you fix your hair and smoothing out your dress. Ali’s eyes light up suddenly, and she’s whispering to Stella before turning back to you.

“Stella has to pee; we’ll be right back.” She rushes out while dragging Stella to the nearest bathroom. Before you can protest, Grayson’s taking their spot.

He’s chewing his gum obnoxiously, and you can’t help the way your eyes focus on how his jaw moves with every bite.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here tonight, Y/N.”

“Yeah, I was just leaving. Decided it’s not really for me anymore.” You get out, moving past him to walk to the door. You figured you can just call an Uber and text your two friends you were feeling sick. Before you can make it past, he grabs your arm to stop you.

“C’mon, it’s the last day of the year. Can’t you be nice to me just for tonight?” He asks, eyes shining with mischief.

“ Don’t you have some other girl to mess with?” You yank your wrist back, walking off as he follows you.

“Why? You jealous.” He asks, and you know that arrogant smirk is painted on his face.

“Over you? Hardly.” You keep moving until he says something that has you stopping in your tracks.

“Did you wear that dress for me tonight?” Your jaw clenches, annoyance washing over your body. However, you figure two can play this game, so you turn around, walking towards him with a flirtatious expression on your face. He’s looking down at you, appreciating the way your attitude has done a complete 180. You wrap your arms around his neck and bring his face towards yours, leaning in as if you’re going to kiss him.

“Fuck you.” You whisper, mouth millimeters away from his. You turn away, turning to look at him over your shoulder one last time. The irritated expression on his face and his clenched jaw should’ve warned you that you were playing with fire. Still, you simply keep walking forward, choosing to look for Ali and Stella.

Maybe you could stay a little longer to see how this plays out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck Grayson Dolan.

At this point, you weren’t sure if you were angrier at him or if you actually wanted to fuck him.

All you know is he was pushing every last button.

It started with constant flirting - just with everyone else besides you. You knew Grayson was a tease, but you swore he had given every girl at this party his signature charming smile. The one that screamed, 'I'm Grayson Dolan, and you're the only one here for  me.' You had pretended like you hadn’t seen red when he leaned down to whisper a joke in some girl's ear, winking at you when he notices the way your eyes had narrowed and your lips were puckered.

It only got worse when he decided he needed a refill on his drink, coming up to where you were standing in the hallway. He slyly placed his hands low on your waist, pressing up against you to squeeze by even though you both knew that there was more than enough space.

You were in the middle of debating on whether or not you should finally leave for good this time, figuring you shouldn’t have to subject yourself to this torture when you still have leftover takeout in your fridge.

“Hey, we need to talk to you. Can you meet us in the upstairs bedroom in like 5 minutes?” Ali appears out of nowhere, blonde curls messed up as if she’s been running her hands nervously through her hair. Stella just nods casually, and you look at the two of them suspiciously.

“What are you two planning?” You ask.

“Nothing! Upstairs. Five minutes!” Ali assures, kissing you on the cheek before walking off again. You can tell she’s drunk, smelling the lingering vodka shots on her breath. However, curiosity gets the better of you, and after five minutes, you’re slowly walking up the stairs.

“Ali? Stel?” You call out, getting nothing in response. You keep walking until you reach the end of the hallway, closed door in front of you. You open it, greeted with the sight of Grayson in front of you.

“What the fuck?” You both exclaim, the door closing behind you. You jangle the door handle, cursing under your breath when you realize it’s locked.

“We’re not letting you out until you guys kiss!” Ali calls out.

“You guys got 20 minutes until midnight.” Stella laughs, both still holding the door tightly to keep you from breaking through.

“Oh my God, we’re not fucking 12. This isn’t 7 minutes in heaven.”

“Less talking, more frenching!” Ali yells, giggling loudly as her heels slowly click away.

You roll your eyes, “You two are the fucking worst.” You kick the door before sliding down against it, tilting your head against the door.

“Your friends are weird.” are the first words out of Grayson’s mouth, and you roll your eyes.

“They mean well, they’re just really … stupid sometimes.”You get back up to your feet and start knocking on the door, hitting it with your palms, anything that could hopefully get a passerby’s attention.

“Can you stop banging on the door? It’s annoying.” Grayson mumbles out from where he’s sitting up on the bed after five minutes of your obnoxious knocking.

“I’m sorry, did you want to spend New Year’s locked in here with one another. I’m trying to get out.”

He leans back down on the bed, covering his eyes with his arms. “You realize it’s locked; we’re stuck in here. No one’s coming up here for a while.”

You hate to admit it, but you know he’s right. With only 20 minutes until midnight, everyone’s going to be downstairs, not wanting to miss the main event. You walk over to the dresser, sitting on top of it as you pull out your phone to find someone to text for an emergency rescue.

“We really should just sleep with one another.”

You nearly drop your phone in your lap from his sudden outburst. “I think that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Why not? I think you’re hot; I know you think I’m hot. Stop- don’t try to argue with me; I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention. Let’s just get this over with; clear start to 2021.” He looks over at you, raising an eyebrow.

You roll your eyes, “I’m not sleeping with you Grayson.”

“What, scared you might actually like it?” He pushes himself up off the mattress and stalks over to where you’re seated on top of the dresser. You start to feel uncharacteristically timid, not knowing how to react under his dark gaze. You don’t say anything, just watching the way his eyes rake over your entire body slowly.

He takes a deep breath, “If I kiss you right now, will you let me?” You wait a second before throwing on caution to the wind, and nodding, deciding to give in to whatever tension is growing between you.

He leans down, softly kissing you before coming back to gauge your reaction.

“If you kiss anything like the way you fuck, this is gonna fucking suck.” You whisper, smiling at the way his face drops. He pulls you into him, forcing his lips onto yours roughly. It’s messy, teeth clashing into one another, noses bumping, and you love it. You didn’t want softness, you didn’t want intimacy, you wanted Grayson to let out everything he felt towards you.

He starts to roughly mark down your neck, leaving dark marks, and you whimper, desperately pulling his jacket off his shoulders. He leans back slightly, pulling his shirt over his head and your mouth falls slightly. You take in all the deep contours and ridges, not even missing the way he flexes briefly.

“Like what you see?” He rasps out, pants growing tighter at your open arousal.

“Just because we’re fucking doesn’t mean I’m another one of your fans. I still fucking hate you.” You pull your dress off and spread your legs slightly on the dresser. You mentally thank Ali for forcing you to skip wearing a bra because the way Grayson’s face zeros in on your bare tits has you whimpering softly. He moves even closer to you.

“Doesn’t seem like you hate me right now.” He whispers, eyes darkening at the dark spot growing on your underwear. His arms are on either side of your thighs as he’s standing in between your legs. You can feel the heat coming off from his body, close enough that you can pick up the subtle nerves in his energy under waves of excitement.

“Whatever.” You’re trying your hardest to remain unaffected, calm under his intense gaze. Still, between the lack of touch and the way he’s looking like he can’t figure out how he wants to ruin you first, you start to squirm.

He pulls roughly at your underwear; you watch as his biceps bulge until the fabric falls apart in his hands. Whatever facade of calmness you were trying to maintain flies out the window. You swallow deeply, eyes wide as he tosses the ruined underwear over his shoulder with a cocky smirk. The smug look on his face is enough for you to snap back to normal and return to your usual backtalk.

“Watch it, asshole. Those aren’t cheap.”

“Trust me, I’ll buy you two more to make up for it. Now shut up; you talk too much.” With that, he’s leaning down and sucking your clit hard.

You’re not quick to compliment Grayson, but you can admit he’s incredible at eating pussy. He genuinely sounds like he’s ready to die in between your legs, quietly groaning to himself with every suck and lick. Your breath hitches at the imagery, and he’s slowly licking up your slit, savoring the way you taste for him. He gives you a few more licks before he starts sucking at your clit again, and you can feel yourself growing closer.

“Fuck, Gray- I’m about to cu-“ Before you can finish, he’s pulling away and smiling up at you with shiny lips.

“Fuck you.” You practically spit out, and he just laughs shortly, amusement barely hidden in his face.

“Before I make you cum, I wanna hear you ask nicely.” He’s leaning into you again, lips hovering yours, mirroring the same position you had him in earlier. You push his shoulder, hoping to give you some distance, but he stays firmly planted in place.

“If you think I’m gonna beg for your sorry excuse of a dick -“

He cuts you off, fingers slipping inside you, and he starts curling his fingers, your back arching into his touch. With how close you were to your orgasm, you’re falling apart in a matter of seconds. You start whimpering out his name, and he stills all his movements, thumb hovering over your clit.

“Beg.” He demands, and neither of you misses the way you tightly clench around him from the change of tone in his voice.

You stare at him long until he lightly brushes your clit, reminding you of what you’re missing in your stubbornness. You sigh dramatically before swallowing your pride and saying:

“Grayson, fuck me.” He stares at you pointedly, and you sigh again.

“Please, Gray. Want you to fuck me, please.” You whisper. It’s not a lot, but he knows that’s probably the most he’s going to get out of you at this moment, so he just smiles proudly and starts moving his fingers again. The coil in your stomach starts to grow tighter, and your toes curl when you start cumming all of your fingers. You cry out, nails scratching down his stomach as he continues to move his hand to work you through your orgasm.

He leans back, sucking up everything on his fingers before unbuckling and taking his pants and underwear off. You were glad he had made you cum before because he was big, bigger than anyone you’ve ever been with before. He brushes his dick over your entrances a few times, tapping his dick lightly on your clit. You whimper slightly, and he winks, arrogant persona back in full force.

“You’re still a dick.” You whisper, no real sting to your words.

“Yeah, I know.” He strokes his dick lightly before sinking in, and both of you moan out from the initial feeling.

He starts snapping his hips relentlessly, not giving you time to adjust to his pace. Your eyes begin to roll back, only able to focus on the wood digging into your back, arm wrapped around your waist, and dick ramming roughly into you. You’re moaning out constantly, nothing able to come to mind to express how good he’s making you feel.

However, Grayson is starting to get frustrated, not satisfied with the way you’ve laid out in front of him. He picks you up, holding you close to him before dropping you carelessly on the bed. Before you can say anything, he’s twisting your body around, so you’re on all fours in front of him and is sliding back into you, taking you from behind. You’re arching underneath him, allowing him to reach you even deeper as you moan out. He’s practically fucking you into the mattress, and from your constant sounds and ass jiggling in front of him, he’s releasing a guttural groan.  

He places an arm next to your head while wrapping a large hand around your throat, lightly cutting off your air. His body is entirely over yours, encasing your entire body in his large frame. It all starts to get to be too overwhelming, and your mind starts to go blank from the pleasure, pulling at the railings to get away from how hard he’s fucking into you while also leaning back into him to get more.

“Stop running; thought you wanted to see how good I can fuck you.” He moves his hand to slap your ass, and his dick jumps from the way you start squeezing around him. He rubbing your ass, ready to spank you again, when the both of you stop from loud screams coming below you. You both hear yells about countdowns and New Year’s and Grayson’s leaning down, rutting himself into you before whispering in your ear -

“How much you wanna bet I can get you to cum before midnight?”

10!

You didn’t think he could go any faster, but his movements pick up, hitting your g-spot with every movement of his hips.

9!

He brushes his fingers against your lip, watching as you slowly take them into your mouth and start sucking. You don’t miss the way he lightly swears when you lightly nip at the pads of his fingers. “Fucking brat.” He mutters before he’s wrapping his hand around your throat again.

8!

He moves his hand, going back up on his knees so he can hold you still as he keeps thrusting into you.

7!

With the way he’s gripping your hips and pulling you back into him, you already know you’re gonna be bruised with his fingerprints on your hip tomorrow.

6!

You start to fall forward, and all you can think about is how badly you want to cum.

5!

He starts rubbing at your clit, and you swear you can feel him deep in your stomach, knowing that he’s going to be responsible for your limp tomorrow.

4!

“If only I knew earlier that all I needed to do to get you to shut up was to fuck you properly” were the words coming out, and you hate yourself for moaning out louder at the way he says it.

3!

You can tell he’s starting to get close by the way he starts slowing down, choosing to grind his hips slowly into you.

2!

You haven’t stopped moaning, volume picking up until you’re practically sobbing into the pillow. You briefly think how grateful you are for the screaming in the living room when Grayson smacks your ass hard before groaning in your ear, “Fucking cum, Y/N.”

1!

The tight feeling in your stomach snaps, and a small spurt of wetness releases, you squirting into his dick and thighs. You practically collapse forward, suddenly exhausted, and it only takes a few more thrusts before Grayson’s pulling out to cum on your lower back.

Happy New Year’s, Y/N.” He whispers in a cocky tone, pride in how he practically has you reduced to nothing underneath him.

He covers you in a blanket before getting dressed and walking back out to the party, not even bothering to hide his self-satisfied smirk when his friends ask him why he missed the ball drop.

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris or why I stopped caring about the protagonist and I started rooting for the French. Episode 1.

Let’s be clear. I was planning to root for the French anyway. They are in the neighbouring country, I quite like them and I was prepared to confront and make fun about all the stereotypes in this series. Because this was exactly what I expected. Funny, lighthearted and totally braindead (wink wink) escapism in an instagrammed to the top Paris which has the same resemblance with the real one than Vincent Minelli’s... But without Gene Kelly. So what did I think of the first episode?

Meet Emily Cooper from Chicago. She’s young, she is dynamic, she struggles to be liked by everyone and at the beginning of the series. She is a marketing executive about to be promoted or so she thinks.

... Because her boss Madeline (played by Kate Walsh) is going to Paris in order to take work with Savoir, a luxury firm the company (sorry I forgot its name) has just adquired. Madeline is overjoyed because working for a year in Paris is one of her dreams and because French men like mature women, as probed by the fact that their young and hot (sic, but this blog agrees) president married his high school teacher. We’ll never know which plans Madeline had for Frenchmen, whether they are young or hot or not. The case is after two minutes in the series she vomits, which means she’s pregnant and she can’t go anywhere because it’s an truth universally aknowledged that pregnant women can’t go on with their plans.

It’s in the next scene when we meet Emily’s boyfriend, Doug, and when we learn she’s going to Paris in Madeline’s place, in spite of being unprepared and not knowing the language. At this point one wonders how it’s possible that no one else in the company can replace Madeline. All of them are monolingual? Our plucky heroine is not discouraged by the litle fact of knowing virtually nothing about the country in which she’s going to live during the next twelve months. She and Doug - the moment you see the scene you know it wont’ go well - agree on a long distance relationship.

And after a very well done transition, we have crossed the ocean. Yes, this is well done, and I say it unironically. Episodes are short, your show is called Emily in Paris, so, what’s better than having your main lady already in the French capital in less than five minutes. The series goes to the point in this aspect and it’s a good thing to spare us of unnecesary scenes.

So Emily arrives to her apartment with pretty views, confused about in which floor she’s supposed to live (running gag ahead) and already hit on by a French guy on a suit that looks like the love child of Gabriel Attal and Albert Rivera (check it, seriously). I couldn’t take him seriously not only because of that but also because he said that Emily’s appartment was a chambre de bonne. Not by any means. Look, I’ve never lived in Paris but I know that apartment is huge when compared with a real chambre de bonne.

Off to know her working place, Emily has this HUGE smile pasted on her face. I don’t know if this supposed to make her charming and likeable. For me - it’s true than I have this European perspective - she looks a mix between an anxious puppy and a psychopath. I would be scared and would avoid her at all costs. The cultural clash is about to happen.

Yeah, I would look at her too, Julien a.k.a. token black character. You have probably heard about the lack of diversity in this series, I won’t abound in that, others have worded it better. It also an established fact that French people smokes at their workplace, even if in the European Union we have these things called smoking bans that won’t allow it.

And enter Sylvie, Emily’s Parisian boss and supposed main antagonist, à la Devil wears Prada. What to say about Sylvie other than I adore her? Her clothes, her style, her sarcasm. As any rational being would do, Sylvie is pretty dismayed to learn that Emily does not have the slightest idea of French and its already wanting to impose her American perspective and her alleged knowledge of social media. The problem is I don’t know if her posts on Instagram really deserve that much attention. Clash ensues with the rest of her new coworkers. C’est la cata! they comment. I quite agree.

Our fish-out-of-water takes an evening afterwork stroll (this Paris is like one square kilometer and public transport is something you mention but never appears) and calls her boyfriend to state the entire city looks like Ratatouille, which legitimately made me laugh. I am not sure if this reference means that Emily’s filmic culture is that limited or if it’s her boyfriend the one who only knows a movie which takes place in Paris and that’s one is Ratatouille. We know that Emily at least has seen Moulin Rouge and that makes two so probably is Doug’s fault.

Back at home, and since she has forgotten how to count, Emily attempts to open the wrong door. Immediately a wild Frenchman appears; it’s Gabriel, played by Lucas Bravo probably one of these young hot men Madeline would target. He takes the intrusion reasonably well. Especially when it’s discovered that Emily only knows his region, Normandy, from Saving Private Ryan. That makes three films, so definitely I think Doug is the problem here as far as filmic culture goes.

Next day Emily picks a yellow outfit and goes to work, purchasing a pain au chocolat in her way to work. I confess I was underwhelmed when discovered that there wouldn’t be any joke about the Great Civil War that has been going on in France since its earliest days: the partidaries of pain au chocolat vs. the ones of chocolatine. A ferocious, merciless conflict unknown by most nations. A lost opportunity not making this woman someone from the South who bravely defies Parisian conventions calling it chocolatine. I’m team pain au chocolat btw. Naturally when she discovers the wonderful world of flavours she makes another Instagram post. She’s earning more and more followers, Heavens know why.

However, she has a Big Problem with Doing Research. Example given, she doesn’t know her schedule - a problem which could have been solved with reading numbers - and arrives two hours early to her workplace.

Once there she discovers she can’t sit with the cool kids. No one wants to lunch with her, so she decides to miserably sit by herself at the park, where we met her best new friend. Her name’s Mindy, she’s from Shangai and she’s working as au pair, while teaching Mandarin to the two blond children she’s looking after. We’ll later discover more about her. She instantly detects the American in Emily and offers her help to this awkward but at the same time arrogant newcomer.

Meanwhile at Savoir, Emily has earned a sobriquet. La Plouc, which is adopted by Sylvie and most of her coworkers even if Luc seems more or less reluctant to say it. La Plouc means the hick, as she instantly discovers thanks to an online translator. It’s really not a good day for our heroine, and she cames back home - remember that thing about this Paris being one square kilometer? - walking. Co-worker and someone who  for some resason reminds me to the posh-y version of Philippe Poutou - check it - Luc passes by as she sits lonely by herself and apologizes for calling her la Plouc earlier. He also claims she’s arrogant for coming to Paris without speaking or even understanding French - which is true - and tells her people is probably scared as her new, modern ideas. Which makes no sense at all and it’s probably a white lie.

Meanwhile and for some reason her totally inocuous posts in Instagram makes her earn more and more followers. During the night, her oblivious to timezones boyfriend call her and they have - or attempt to have - a totally awkward and unsexy session of cybersex. At the end Emily is so frustrated that she tries to use her electric vibrator which leads to the short-circuit of the entire building. Fortunately before she has the oportunity of getting closer to the device in question. And that’s how Episode 1 ends.

What did I think? It’s fun and pretty to look at. Even prettier to rant about. As long as your brain remains carefully shut off in the meantime and you don’t take it that seriously you are going to enjoy it I guess. At least it’s my case.

Still frustrated for not covering the Great Civil War tho.

[lizacstuff]

Hi! What did you think of ep23?I love your in depth thoughts on the episodes. I really enjoyed it, especially the EdSer moments (was smiling like an idiot during the skating scene - when Eda complained about it being hot (girl same), and also that she understood what he said in French omg). I hope the grandmother doesn't turn out to be as evil as everyone is assuming. I guess the one big con was Ayfer. She's gotten more annoying right? That's not just me? But I love me some Aydan!

Hello! Thank you for the kind words. Let's see, I did like the episode, but as I said in another ask I was a bit on edge while watching for a couple of reasons, but they're all Edser related so I'll talk about that when I talk about them at the end. As far as Ayfer is concerned, I FEEL YOU. 

Good grief, woman. Why does she have to be such a harpy? It feels like she complains about absolutely everything. Plus, she's forcing a situation where her beloved niece can't trust or confide in her, and all the girls have to hide Eda's work schedule from her. Look, if Ayfer doesn't want to spend time with Aydan, fine, but her anger towards and disapproval of Eda's job and her relationship with Serkan are completely selfish. She may tell herself she's disapproving for Eda's own good, but come on.

Because, seriously, what does Ayfer think she's protecting Eda from? Serkan is handsome, rich, successful and head over heels in love with Eda. Let's be honest, Eda could do worse. He might be a tad arrogant and controlling, but he's a very good man with a very good heart. Also he tries with Ayfer. I get the connection with Alptekin is upsetting, but Serkan and Aydan have cut him completely out of their lives and neither had anything to do with what happened. I also get that Ayfer was put off by the whole contract thing, but it took two to tango there, and Eda's entire world opened up because of that arrangement.

Maybe that's the problem? 

(more under the cut)

Maybe Ayfer can feel Eda expanding and growing and her world getting much bigger than Ayfer's and it scares her? She thinks she'll lose her, or won't recognize her? Privately, Serkan and Eda have talked about running away together, maybe Ayfer senses that's a possibility? (PRO TIP: Then don't be a negative force they have to get away from!) 

Also what's happening with this Chef Alexander thing? Is he actually going to make an appearance? Is there going to be a romance? I think that would be good, maybe that will salvage Ayfer's character and she'll get distracted and maybe even happy. I did laugh, though, at her her calling Aydan and Seyfi out on their lie about having him on board with their charity scheme. They should know better than to try that. Amateur move, kids!  But I will always applaud their matchmaking efforts when it comes to Eda and Serkan. 

I enjoyed the girls this episode. I like that they don't share Ayfer's concerns about Serkan and are ready to go to the mat for whatever Eda wants. Poor Melo is the worst detective, but she gets points for trying. Also points for picking up what Eda was putting down and skillfully sweeping Balca and her broken heel out of the way. I'd want Fifi for protection as well, girl is badass. I can't tell what this Fifi/Erdem thing is supposed to be.  Does she have a soft spot for him, she must because I don't know why she would give him the time of day otherwise. She's not one we have to worry about not being able to say no. If she wanted to rid herself of his presence, she'd do it. Ceren and Ferit are just kind of... there. I don't dislike it, but I also don't really care. They need something to spice that up.

Which is what we finally got with Engin and Piril! Holy moly, who is her dad!?! Mafia boss? Politician? Wealthy recluse? @alicekepley suggested on another post that maybe it's Aydan's first love. Now that would be interesting. Maybe he turned to a life of crime after being disappointed by Aydan? I am now looking forward to see how this plays out and how it affects them. However, there's one thing that gets me almost every episode. I love Engin and Anil, but he looks at least a decade older than Serkan, Piril, and Selin. So much so that I don't buy they could have gone to school together. This is where I'll have to call on my well honed suspension of disbelief I guess... I'll tell myself he spent a lot of time in the sun and is graying a bit prematurely. 

I did like Engin and Serkan sitting around commiserating about their relationships and hoping things were about to turn around. That's the more equal buddy talk I want to know happens. 

Speaking of Serkan, duuuuuuuuude. You're being hunted, wise up!  I'm really stuck on what he said to Sirius after Eda left his house at the top of the episode. "Don't look at me like that, everything is under control, I know perfectly well what I'm doing, this is my tactic." We know from last episode he thought Eda would show, and this episode while talking to Eda he told her that he was expecting her and the candles were for her.  So... did he purposely allow Balca in to provoke Eda's jealousy? If so, I'm not sure this is his best course of action. It's certainly not with regards to fanning Balca's dangerous pretensions, but I'm not sure he's getting his best result with Eda either. It's true that it gave him an excuse to flirt, make the bet, tease her, bask in her obvious jealousy even if she won't admit it, and get a Parisian date out of it. I suppose that's not a bad day's work. On the other hand, if he'd sent Balca on her way, he would have had a happy Eda, in his house, sitting on the couch next to him, watching a movie with him, which also could have led to a very good place for him.  

It's also a mystery to me if Serkan is really clueless about Balca's intentions, or if he's playing dumb to suit his own purposes with Eda. I'm thinking it's the middle. He probably sees it but thinks it's a whole lot more harmless than it is. Like maybe he gets Balca has a crush on him, but he has no suspicion that he's in dangerous fatal attraction territory. Which is where we are. I don't want to fling words like 'crazy' around, but... bitch be crazy! If she is capable of trying to large-scale sabotage his company in her pursuit of him, that's some seriously scary stuff. WAKE UP, SERKAN. 

I said I was uneasy while watching this episode and part of it was concern over what would happen with the tender, and worrying if Balca's sabotage was going to work, leaving Eda to blame. If that had gone the other way, the fallout would have been painful. Also storylines where a fav is falsely accused always make me antsy. I was able to handle the Serkan roof collapse one because it was at the end of the episode, and they were able to figure out that he wasn't responsible right off the top of the next. But this one had me on edge all ep.  I was especially nervous after Eda made the independent report on her recommended firm part of a trust test. Sweetie, I love you, but NOOOOO. That was not the move of a professional. Serkan, as the company principle, wanting to vet a partner or vendor is completely normal and has nothing to do with how much he trusts her. Put aside the fact that she's only been in the workforce for a few months, you always want a second set of eyes on something that important. Always. She showed some of her immaturity there, which is fine, she's young and inexperienced, but it's a sign of how desperate Serkan is for her to forgive him that he humored her. That man will do anything for her, even if it doesn't make sense or is potentially damaging. I get why the writer's did it, for the suspense of Eda being out on that limb all on her own, but it was also actually a bit of a missed opportunity for him to mentor her there. (And I love when she learns from him.)

The other reason I was uneasy watching this ep was due to some frustration with Eda. See above on the trust test, but it was also a little hard to watch her just completely succumb to Serkan's charm and be in the moment with him one moment, and then the next second shake it off and be adamant that she was going to be leaving the job and him shortly.  It felt like constant whiplash. Also if she won the bet she wanted him to leave her alone? Sure, Jan. She could have asked for something really good! We all know she doesn’t really want him to leave her alone, so that pretense has gotten harder and harder to take. However, the times she rebuffed him didn't bother me as much as when she told Melo she was leaving the job. I can chalk up the ones to Serkan as part of her act, trying to protect herself and poke holes in his pretensions, but when she said it to Melo it felt more real. Like that was really what she was still planning to do, and it's really hard to reconcile that with all the moments where she puts down her guard and it's obvious she's madly in love with him.  

On a positive note, scenes where it’s clear they’re madly in love with each other were plentiful this episode. The romantic robot used every opportunity he could find to make her melt. My GAWD she has a will of iron that she was able to back away from him after he recited all the ways he could tell if a woman (her) was in love with him. He is one smooth bastard. And boy does he know her, he knows exactly what he does to her. That scene was FIRE. Not to be crass, but how did they not do it right then and there? After the last few eps, they have to be at a 100 on a scale of 1-10 when it comes to pent up sexual energy. Hey Eda, maybe you wouldn't be so jealous if you knew he had an outlet for that. I'm just sayin'.

The lunch was pretty funny and I definitely enjoyed the kicking and the under the table conversation. After refusing to admit she was jealous, Eda totally deserved that Serkan said that whatever Balca's feelings for him were, they were between him and Balca. Eeesh. I see what he's doing, he's trying to bring her feelings out into the open, and she deserves it, but I don't think he realizes how vulnerable she is over everything. He's walking a tightrope here. However, I do appreciate that he finally just admitted that he's jealous. If he'd just done that in 18, he would have saved himself some angst. Are we to infer from Serkan asking Eda not to use emojis with Efe, that Edser likes to use emojis when they text? Or was that just a generic, "don't be cute with him?"  I think I'll take that Serkan and Eda use emojis, just because it tickles me to think of Serkan Bolat doing that. All of shipper twitter thinks that's the writers poking at the actors because of how much they use them with one another on social. Who knows, maybe that explains it, since it sort of came out of the blue. You gotta love, though, that every manipulative thing Balca did either failed or backfired spectacularly. Showing up at his place, sure she succeeded in upsetting Eda and derailing their night, but it also put Eda on her guard and brought about the flirty wager between Eda and Serkan. She left the earring, but Eda found it before she could use it as an excuse to return. She broke her heel, but that just gave her a ruined pair of shoes and Melo an excuse to get her out of there so Serkan and Eda could be alone. She and her devious friend succeeded in throwing Melo and Eda off the scent, however all that meant was that Serkan won the bet and gave him the pretense needed to get her to agree to the most romantic date on the planet. She sabotaged the report, but Eda still found out about the company's background and Eda was the hero when ArtLife won the tender. Balca: 0 percent success rate so far. 

THE ICE SKATING SCENES WERE PURE MAGIC!  It was fun to see the whole cast out there having a blast, but obviously it was the Edser scene at night that lit up the whole show. Damn was that pretty. (it's currently my ipad lock screen and home screen) The chemistry between the actors was on display all episode, but here it just exploded. When Eda said she was hot, no kidding! How could you not be? And I agree that Serkan speaking French to her was OMG. Love, love, love the date that Serkan planned for them in Paris. I'm bereft that we'll likely never see it. Damn you pandemic, look what you've taken from us! The characters, and the audience, deserve an entire episode of Paris romantic fluff. We've all earned this! 

The date sounded perfect and I found it very interesting that he had purposely never been to Montmartre. So at some point he promised himself he'd only go there with a woman he was truly in love with, makes me wonder if it was a much younger Serkan who made that promise. The Serkan we met in the pilot didn't believe in love, he was hard-hearted, he actually talked with Engin about how a contract, a bloodless business transaction, was the way to go for relationships. Robot Bolat. So I don't think he made that idealistic promise any time recently. If so, that means he's had that in the back of his mind for years, but Eda's the only woman he's ever considered taking. My heart. I love how the show keeps showing us and telling us that this is the first time Serkan has ever been in love. You could see in that scene that Eda was right there with him. She was so happy and in the moment and swept away by the romance. She was as excited for Paris as he was. I know we all wanted a kiss/declaration here, it would have been a very good moment for it. A very good one. But the show has other plans for them, so we wait.

So, yeah, I really liked the Edser we got, but Eda’s hot and cold act was hard to reconcile at times. However, perhaps it all came together in the end, when she's talking to Melo and Ceren about Paris. She was feeling troubled over it, probably what agreeing to go with him meant, but they both told her to listen to her heart in Paris and it seems like she was going to do it: "From now on I'll stop worrying. I'm opening a new page in life." So I think in that moment she was ready for next steps and was planning to be open with him in Paris, let's hope it carries over to the next episode even without Paris. 

Actually, that whole conversation was a bit of a window into her psyche and was more illuminating than almost anything in the episode in that regard. When Eda says she’s worried, Melo teases her that she's nervous to be alone with Serkan Bolat, and then jokes that all young women would like to have that problem, including herself.  Eda does NOT like that joke and actually verbalizes it, "Melo, at least you don't do that."  That was a huge spotlight into Eda's insecurities, like she is really discombobulated by witnessing women showing interest in him while they're in such a nebulous place. Since she is coming off of what happened with Selin, and was already feeling jealous when the first candidate set her off with (her creepy) talk of chemistry last episode, then finding Balca at Serkan's house in the opening scene, I suppose it's no surprise that all of that has had some residual effects. But that it's to the point where she can't take a joke from Melo is telling. Poor thing.  

My hope is that this is just something she's working through while she's feeling off-kilter about everything. It would be one thing if they were together, but she's in this headspace where half the time she says she's leaving and it's over between them and half the time she acting like his wife, so I think she's just discombobulated. Maybe she just wants time to figure things out, but feels like she doesn’t have it, because someone is going to swoop in and take her place and that’s feeding her jealousy? The fact that Serkan can’t see it (Selin and Balca) until it’s out of control doesn’t help. 

It's natural for her to be upset that this woman has entered the scene and is clearly trying to maneuver herself into Eda's place in Serkan's life. However, there is an easy fix to this. Just go be with him. Come on, Eda, we know you can do it! You're ready. You’re primed. Bring on the New Year's Ep!

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 14: 2x15 The Trouble with Tribbles

Back to watching TOS on Wednesdays! We’ll see if I can keep this up because I do prefer it to Fridays.

Today’s episode: the Classic (tm) Trouble with Tribbles.

Starting out with a little test for Chekov lol. Just Chekov, his mentor, and his mentor-in-law.

My mom called Chekov “Kirk and Spock’s little project,” which I think is hilarious but also probably true. Only 22 years old and on the bridge crew? Private quiz by the top two people on the ship? Legit interpretation.

“It was just a little joke.” / “Extremely little, Ensign.” Classic Spock burn.

The Organian Peace Treaty--from Errand of Mercy??

I really do feel like Kirk is genuinely amused by Chekov.

You would never guess from this intro about tense diplomatic situations and number-one-top-priority-triple-red-alerts that this was going to be a crack-y episode about space bunnies.

Oh no, a fake red alert! Kirk is really angry now.

Kirk and Spock are very Married today.

STORAGE COMPARTMENTS?? StOrAgE cOmPaRtmEnTs?

WHEAT??

Do not try to imply that Spock doesn’t know things; he is contractually obligated to show off.

Canadian wheat.

Honestly, just let Kirk call it wheat.

Spock is using diplomacy to reign Kirk in. Sarek would be proud. And Spock would be insulted that Sarek is proud.

Kirk is very Sassy today.

Omg the waitresses have little wings.

Spock taking the wheat from behind his back and giving it to Kirk like a magician’s assistant.

I feel like Kirk is bitter about the wheat because it’s the one (1) thing he’s not a nerd about. And he’s from Iowa too!! He should know!

Uhura listening to the salesman; well she IS here to shop, after all.

Is it alive? Is it cute? Oh who am I kidding, I can see it’s cute!

Oh no the tribble is eating the grain.

Uhura is truly adorable.

I can’t believe she just made a joke about never getting any shore leave and here she is, back at her station again.

Can you even imagine AOS Kirk being tasked with protecting a bunch of grain? HE would make Iowa jokes.

And Spock is trying so hard not to laugh.

Tbh I have a real soft spot for these frustrated Kirk episodes. Poor, long-suffering Kirk. So much more serious than all of the nonsense going on around him.

I like this space station design.

Klingons on shore leave. They just want to have some fun. No bowling alleys on their ships!

Technical journal time for Scotty!

“I am immune to their effect....” Sure. What’s funny to me is that Kirk actually is immune to their effect. Truly at no point does he seem charmed or amused by or even interested in the tribbles, except in their capacity as Klingon detectors at the end

“I think they’re old enough [to be adopted].” Lol how can you tell?

One look from Spock reigns Kirk in. #spacehusbands

Oh, you noticed there are 11 tribbles instead of 1? How astute.

“What do you get when you feed a tribble too much?” / “A fat tribble.” This is ACTUAL DIALOGUE. Oh, Kirk.

Honestly McCoy is a medical doctor, so it kind of would make more sense for Spock to be doing these tribble experiments but he has his hands full with Kirk

Kirk is awfully insistent upon Scotty taking shore leave when he should very well remember what happened last time

“You’d think he’d be a vodka man.” And he is!

Klingons don’t understand Kirk at all. He IS a little soft <3

Where’s that post that’s like ‘the AOS writers just listened to this one Klingon speech about Kirk and wrote his character based on that?” I mean... not totally inaccurate.

Actually it is a potentially interesting speech. Is this really how his enemies see him based on his reputation? Or is it just, like, a bunch of generic insults you could apply to pretty much any captain of a group you didn’t like?

Poor Kirk, missing out on this fight scene.

Lol the drink joke. Does it make sense? No, but it’s funny all the same.

“Captain’s log: I am forced to cancel shore leave.”

Angry Daddy!Kirk and his unhelpful children. You’re ALL grounded!!

“No this is not off the record!” Not even gonna debate that Scotty.

This whole Kirk and Scotty scene deserves an Emmy.

Spones + Tribbles

The extra hilarious thing about Spock talking about the uselessness of the tribbles and Bones defending their cuteness as being an end in and of itself is that Spock DOES canonically like soft, pleasing animals. Even in this episode!!

The tribble wants to be captain.

Kirk collecting tribbles lmao.

“Don’t look at me, it’s the tribbles that are breeding.”

The tribbles are bisexual. Just like Captain Kirk. (Yes this is two different uses of the term that mean totally different things and I do NOT care I just like hearing the word “bisexual” in DeForest Kelley’s voice.)

I feel like Uhura must be so lonely.. Trying to talk to Spock about the moon. Meeting shape shifting aliens who become native Swahili speakers just for her. Trying to buy love in the form of small, cute animals.

The tribbles have been taken from their predator-filled environment. I am VERY curious about their native environment now. What eats tribbles?

“It’s you I take lightly.” Honestly this level of sass almost makes AOS Kirk seem IC.

“Licensed asteroid locator and prospector.” Brb changing careers.

“But he is after my grain!”

Kirk saying “au revoir” is funny on its face for how he echoes Cyrano what’s-his-face but also because it reminds me of Shatner saying “I’m from Canada, so I speak French.”

No, the tribbles got in his food! That is the last straw.

It’s hard to tell because it’s covered in tribbles, but Spock appears to have a very odd looking salad. (Or that large piece of fruit is a tribble, really hard to tell.)

Spock’s “fascinating” was so quiet.

“They’re into the machinery all right.” First, lol, and second, isn’t Scotty supposed to be in his room thinking about what he’s done?

You can really see that missing finger.

Gonna beam down some tribbles too.

And now to top off this bad day: the indignity of having a bunch of dead tribbles fall on his head. To wacky music.

“Gorged? On my grain?” It’s more likely than you think.

And like........you realize someone off set is just continuing to throw little puff balls at Shatner's head at regular intervals during this whole scene? One just bounced right off it.

And the answer to the tribble problem is literally “stop feeding them” which is so obvious that I assumed it was just harder than one would think not to feed a tribble. Since no one fed them. And they continued to eat.

I also love how Bones comes into his best friend literally buried in tribbles and doesn’t even blink.

Whereas Spock’s here with his mouth this thinnest possible line, trying not to laugh.

They like Vulcans! They have good taste.

Spock is definitely that type that has secret low self esteem so he builds himself up with confident comments at every opportunity.

“He’s a Klingon, Jim.”

Kirk REALLY likes threatening the Klingons with tribbles.

I feel like leaving Cyrano to single-handedly clean up the tribbles over 17 years is not a punishment that makes sense because like... must the station live with the tribbles until then? Also, where is he to put them?

I think they should be returned to their native habitat to be eaten by predators according to the natural cycle of life.

Are we to understand that SPOCK suggested beaming the tribbles on to the Klingon ship? Perhaps I have underestimated his prank war abilities.

I’ll be honest, this ep is very entertaining and for that reason one of my favorites, but I don’t know that it paints the Enterprise, and Kirk in particular, in the best light.

Like... I am really torn on Kirk’s treatment of the undersecretary. I know he often doesn’t much like administrators and diplomats and other people who don’t seem to have much RL experience, and certainly this Federation official got on his bad side immediately and understandably by misusing the red alert.

But... Kirk isn’t at all subtle about not liking him. I mean he literally says “I don’t like you” and that’s just objectively unprofessional, which he is not. The sassiness was way unsubtle, which could be funny, but it just didn’t seem IC.

I can almost justify it because of the red alert mix up--that’s everything Kirk hates: violating regulations, showing disrespect to him and his crew, uncalled for manipulation--and I think he has the right to be upset about it. But he continues holding this grudge for a long time. It feels like it’s just as much about not personally caring about the grain as about anything else. Like he’s dismissive about the grain because he personally has never heard of it. So obviously it’s not important.

That’s too much that conventional-wisdom arrogant, dumb Kirk for me.

I guess I just don’t understand, why so much hatred for the undersecretary? Because his two biggest sins were the red alert and employing a Klingon. But as I already said, I think Kirk’s ire is disproportionate to the first offense and no one knew about the Klingon until the end--because a tribble, not Kirk specifically, found him out.

Otherwise..this guy was right! The grain was important, losing it or having it sabotaged would have very bad consequences for the Federation, it is Kirk’s job to guard it, and he should do it well. He was also right that the Klingon threat was real!! He’d brought in the Klingon threat but he was still right about it existing. The Klingons did in fact sabotage the grain! And although we hear at the end that there was magically more grain out there... I don’t get how or from where.

Furthermore, he used the red alert specifically because he seemed to think Kirk wouldn’t rush over to protect the grain otherwise, and Kirk is so dismissive of this “just wheat” that he kinda proves the guy right!

Anyway, I can see the grains of this Kirk (lol pun not intended) in his general characterization, but it’s too over the top, to the point where it’s OOC. He does take his job, including the diplomatic aspects of it, very seriously, and I think an IC Kirk would protect the grain, and maybe be only occasionally, subtly sassy to the undersecretary.

But this was such a crack-y episode overall... it was like everyone was turned up to 11 and pushed slightly to the side.

It was a fun ep though with a lot of very classic scenes, and it’s another reminder that Spock likes soft, adorable animals.

I will admit that I actually do not think the tribbles are particularly cute. They kind of weird me out. They’re just lumps of fur.

Next is The Gamesters of Triskelion, which I vaguely remember as a decent but not great episode.

[opes-magnas]

The Funeral

How would it be, if you could see your funeral unfold?

I can’t believe they let the casket be open! Gosh!

I can’t look at myself that way, of course no one wants to look at themselves devoid of life and rotting away but it was much more harder for me to be another entity (which I didn’t believe to exist) and just stand there letting my body lay there when I desperately want to wiggle into it, like a cosy blanket that covers your toes when it’s cold but sadly that’s what death means, its finality only hits you only after it scoops up your soul, from the tiny little nest in your body and sets it free, to float in the air, to become one with the soil, to flow like water, to burn like fire or attain peace if that’s what you were destined to for, be one with the most singular core of the universe, which I am yet to know because I’m still here.

With death also comes revelation of secrets which were hidden in plain sight that everyone looked for but never actually desired it or wanted it only for the sake of knowing it. It’s like that tiny voice inside your head which speaks to you and you know everyone also experiences the same thing but no one really speaks about it or wants to prove it.

Wow! death did make me philosophical which I never was, but now I’m not Scarlett Hamilton I’m just a lost soul detached from its anchor, I don’t even know why I’m here, but the weird part is I can still feel strong emotions towards all the people I loved or even hated, I can see my daughter crying a river out, those salty tears roll down like beads stringing along a long pearl necklace I once wore.

Yup, now it’s just getting started, maybe I have willed myself so hardly too able to witness the grandeur of the world just once last time before I go wherever I’m supposed to. So my metaphorical body’s shaking at the thought of being a spectator to my own funeral.

The service started and I was standing on top an empty chair in the last row, I saw my husband standing near the casket with my four other brothers. He’s still as handsome as the first time I laid my eyes on him, I still can’t believe that I landed him, he is like way out of my league.

Those deep blueish green eyes, which appear like the sea bed whenever sunlight hits on it at very specific angles and brings out this certain depth, a mystery, which I would try to unravel every time I gazed into them and one day while eating French toast in a small Parisian cafe I made a rather curious analogy to this one puzzle that I just couldn’t get right, a continuous clockwork ticking and every second it’s different and that can never be brought back and a mystical creature might pop out any moment and he laughed his wide goofy grin which made his dimples appear distinctly. His platinum blonde hair slightly below his ears almost caressing them lightly, I can still remember the way I used to run my fingers through it like it just happened this morning, oh! It did. I’m happy that was the last thing I did before you know, I died. The rippling of muscles can still be seen underneath that black suit he’s wearing, which I picked out for him to wear to the his big Oscar after party. Everything just feels so real yet so far away, I’m right here, but I’m a world away from him. I guess I felt this way when we had a big fight about well I don’t remember what and honestly it was stupid but we stopped talking and when I was sitting right next to him, I felt miles and miles away from him. It was the worst.

I’m longing to have another moment with him, just to tell him that I’ve loved him until my very last breath, literally, that no one else could ever have made more of an impact on my life other than him, and I just have so many things to do.

Funny, now I want to do so many things when I’ve wished to die like a thousand times or probably even tried to. But now since I’m really dead all I want to do is live another moment.

Shaking off the deathly feeling, yeah now I’m definitely in the second stage of grieving, “the acceptance”.

The service started with the father saying some kind words about how I always was such a big donator to the church funds, honestly I did it because I didn’t know what to do with the money I had, it might come of snobbish but that was the truth. Now I’m being applauded for an act I did, not in the intention everyone believes it was done.

Now, I wish was more spiritual than I was, to actually believe there is something out of reach which I thought wasn’t possible cos the motto I always believed in was, ‘There are no boundaries to the knowledge you can unearth. Science can become quite lonely, even when you’re the most alone, if you could just believe you have one other person with you, God, it would be so splendiferous just to never be alone.

Focus, you insipient fool, focus! these are your last moments on this beautiful world, you’ll probably be eternally damned to the meadows of asphodel to have time to ponder upon the tiny nuances of life, right now take in as much as you can, you probably won’t remember Darcy, Ophelia, Zoheth or for that matter Zeke when you leave.

Then, my best friend walked up to the podium, I could the rivers of mascara gushing down, unrestrained, like the mighty rivers, sparing no one who stood in the way, right now the only things that stood in the way were tiny mountains of acne, pimples which were barely visible, but as she always said I was omnipercepient, but that was arrogant on my behalf to actually believe it deep down.

Euphemia, ‘the well-spoken off’, ‘the one who martyred for what she believed in’, is actually what her name means, and I was always awed like how her parents could have even the slightest clue that she would one day live up to the glory that her name had already bestowed on her.

Somebody, in some late night show once asked me to describe Euphemia as a scent. I sat baffled for a minute, because I thought of her as this limitless person who couldn’t be bound by timidity of just words but I did try my best.

I distinctly remember the first time all of my green roses (that’s something I call my gang as, I identified each of them with these characters from Oscar Wilde’s books the first time I met them, and I do hope someone gets this reference for once)

We went hiking to the grand canyon, we climbed uphill all day long soaked with perspiration, but when we reached the peak, I had to remind myself to breathe as I felt so awed by nature, like those slightly purple pink rock mountains rising majestically as in a challenge to the sky, splitting the clouds into an shards of glass when they’re broken, but reflecting the dazzling light in all its glory all across, in every colour I could ever imagine about, huge trees appeared like chess pawns moved here and there by the will of these cordilleras, I just relished every moment I saw this marvellous creation.

Then at night we lit this bonfire, which emanated a strange crackling and pungent smell at first but it soon felt so familiar. Warm and fuzzy that I felt I’ve been discerning this forever. That is how I think Euphemia would be if I could ever convert her essence into a scent.

She pursued her full lips, biting the inside of her cheek, knotting her overly expressive eyebrows into this broken bridge, contracting her face into a lemon being squeezed out of its limit, I could feel the turmoil she was in just by glancing at her. She gripped the mic with her freshly manicured nails and began to speak in a tone I’ve heard her use only a few times.

“Scar, I wish you were here with me…. umm I don’t know what you would want me to say though we talked about every single thing on earth, being the twisted sisters 2.0, but we weren’t dark to begin with.

As you always said, with every end there is a new beginning, as today marks the end of your mortal life here, I so want to reminisce the beginning we had which some might say is odd but we were never normal to begin with.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

I was walking towards me to be dorm, on broken cobblestones, just thinking of how small electrons can be and walked up the creaky wooden stairs and reached ROOM 27 , and I knocked the door and heard a ‘come in’ and dragged my two very huge suitcases in to see her standing there.

She scuffled over in her very high heels thumping methodically against the floor and when I was just about to measure its oscillation period with my pulse rate, she hugged me.

I’m not hugger nor am I a “people person”, so I responded with an awkward side hug and my face buried in her brown curls cascading down to her shoulders.

You must be Scarlet, the genius whiz kid! Hi, I’m Euphemia Clarke, I’m an undergrad in English lit, women studies and philosophy. So?

Umm… I’m scarlet Hamilton, I’m a grad in theoretical and quantum physics and English lit.

But, your of my age, how could you be a grad student? Yeah, I forgot momentarily that I’m in the presence of the next greatest scientist here, ooh we’ll be buddies in English lit. But why English lit? It seems like an odd choice for a science person to be interested in... And your also doing a double degree... what can’t you do! I must bagged the lottery in roommates cos you’re just a dream to be with and ooh nice dress huh... Zara 2018...chic, edgy and makes a statement... thank God! You have a nice taste, I couldn’t possibly live with a horrible makeover gone wrong nincompoop, I would just die a thousand deaths before that.

Uhhh...

Yeah?

Um... I should get settled in, then I might have to go and take a tour of the library, it’s pretty huge and also do some other admin stuff, so I guess I’ll see then.

Shut up, I’m going to help, it literally took an army for my room to be done, I came like 2 days early just to do some painting work, what colour do you like? We could...

My head kept spinning and jumping on ropes just to catch up with her, all I could hear was an echo of words and she did a graceful swirl and smiled at me, “we’re going to be just fine.”

I had the chance to then observe her like I did everyone, a “perfect body” some magazines would say, slender, about 5’2, a brunette with deep green eyes , her eyebrows deserved an award for all the jumps, somersaults, backbends they did and her smile made me feel like I was tasting honey on a warm summer afternoon at centennial park.

I certainly can’t be friends with her, she’s one of the high and mighty sorority girls who went on a shopping spree to Dior, Chanel and Marc Jacobs and spent like $500,000 dollars buying a pair of fur coats and heels and wanted to become a socialite fluttering at parties being ‘the pretty one’ and marry some rich guy and came to colleges like Yale only cos ‘daddy’ paid whoever was looking at her essays to look the other way.

God! Am I judgmental?

(Some months of awkward conversations later)

We were walking to English lit together and she was strutting like a Ralph Lauren model on a runway in ridiculously high heels and just took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze without even looking at me and held the door open.

Today we were discussing about ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and because I’ve almost read the book a hundred times I was very excited to what kind of discussion we were going to have, I have looked at the book from my perspective which is can vary from a hopeless romantic to a strong feminist depending on what kind of mood I’m in, I want to see the book how a person who doesn’t believe in love, feminism, freedom sees it, obviously I will take it offensively but my curiosity multiplies by the second.

She and I spilt as we walked into the class, she went towards the back.

I found my seat in the middle of the amphitheater like classroom, which I think was chosen for English literature class specifically just to add that glamour, majesty and that extra pinch of drama that old English prose gives off. Clever.

Ms. Dalloway started reading the book, which opens with an immortal statement, “It is truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of good fortune must in want of a good wife.” Why don’t we kick the class of by a discussion on this iconic statement? Anyone up for the challenge?

Aah. Scarlet, not you again, I sincerely hope the next time you will allow the other nitwits here to use the fragments of their brains left. But, go on, you certainly are the person to speak about this book.

I think what that sentence means in plain English is that any man who is rich and handsome wants a trophy wife just to look at him as if he’s the greatest and adore him like a silly schoolgirl and basically smother and mother him and nurse his big giant ego.

I think this sentence is truly aptly describes how the society was and is, women are always reduced to matter of objects traded between men and valued only for looking pretty and being a social butterfly and the main goal in their life is to be a human incubators or rather baby machines. On a more serious and highly unfair note of beauty standards, however ugly the man is, he wanted a small waisted, thin, fair maiden from a “good family”. I mean women almost killed themselves trying to please men, wearing those corsets as tight their lungs could probably burst, lead powder as kohl and what not, just so men could feel valued, I don’t know even they even knew what self-respect meant. Jane Austen is a genius, she almost gave a jist of her novel in the very first sentence.

I don’t think she is the right person to speak about this book, Ms. Dalloway, she has only the view of a feminist, when one talks about a book, and it must be from an unbiased view.

All heads turned towards who spoke, even I was surprised that Euphemia could even think about anything other than her Manolo Blanik pink lacy heels she bought yesterday.

I think this story is totally unrelatable, yes I am a woman but it didn’t make it any easier for me to relate to it, I mean like everyone sees Miss Bennet as a prime example of Feminism, strength and how women can make their own way and stand by the things they believe in. But, she is as shallow, narrow as the other women and a big bully. She makes fun of Mr.Bingley because he is isn’t tall, handsome when she herself believes that women must not be judged for their external beauty. Men and women having equal opportunities, isn’t that what feminism means, and isn’t she being a huge hypocrite when she is going against the very ideals she believes in? She also mocks Caroline, who calls her family out on their shit. So, that makes her exactly the same as the others.

That was when I knew she would be my best friend.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Yeah and that’s how I knew she would be my best friend, because she stood by what she believed in, actually it is funny my name means the saint who married for what she believed in and her name means wealth and both of us embodied what each other meant and then had an epiphany that we could be what we were meant to be since we were born by looking at each other.”

I will be eternally grateful to Scarlet for making me more than a pretty girl, a woman who was a force of nature, who couldn’t be stopped by these insipid little men. I love you my dear, I always have. The only regret I have is I didn’t say it as often as I wished to. I love you, you have left an everlasting scar on my heart.”

Oh, Mia, I know, I know…

I saw her walk down the aisle and I remembered the day I walked her down the aisle to her husband and she looked at me and told, “You have left an everlasting scar on my heart.”

She looked at Zeke and nodded and went and sat next to Jake who kissed her cheek ever so tenderly and squeezed her shoulders just like I used to and she broke.

Many others spoke, like my mum, whose sentences weren’t distinguishable because of her crying and how God should have taken her instead, and it is so terrible to live after your child had died and looking at my face which was full and pink now shrivelled and almost passed out just to be caught by Papa, who couldn’t look her in the eye.

Mama always loved me dearly, I was the only girl out of 4 boys who were tough, burly and never asked for a kiss and a hug before running off to school, chatted with her late in the night explaining how she saw the world from her tiny green emeralds for her eyes and asked her flaming red hair to be combed into braids and always was willing to hear family gossip.

Well, papa wasn’t as warm and gooey as mum but he loved me , I knew it when he was hard on me to study better even when I got straight A’s and had skipped grades but didn’t give my brothers a twat when they scored less than adequate. He believed in me, which is more than I ever could ask for.

Maybe my cold and hard side was because of him, I was very analytical and logical and never let my emotions interfere with my decisions except when I said yes to my husband.

I never said this thought out loud, not even thought about it to myself, I was never a warm and gooey person who went around telling people how much I loved them, so it comes as quite a shock to me that I could even think of it. Maybe death brings finality to little things that were left out.

Saying the word still gives me chills, which reminds me again that we are never ready for things unless forced upon us. Whoever thinks they are ‘ready’ for life, they mostly never are, I never was.

My children came up, Darcy held Ophelia and Zoh like a fierce lioness protecting her cubs, I knew I raised her right, she took the mic and started speaking so confidently, she turned her steel grey eyes and looked right at me, a sharp light baring through my soul, almost as if she could see me and nodded her head right at me.

“Sorry, mum I haven’t shed a tear for you, even though the cessation of this hasn’t quite hit me yet, but I could see the differences already, nobody told if this black dress was appropriate or if my looked okay and Ophy and Zoh relied on me completely. I am sorry, but I know you never expected me to cry, but I think I know well enough to tell you expected me to be great. I still remember you whispering in my ear, before I entered Harvard, “Be Great or Nothing”, and those words were repeated by me in the break of dawn every day. You were what I wanted to be, independent, brave, most of all I was grateful to God to be blessed with the lottery in genetics. So, ma, that’s what I’m going to be, great.”

I saw the way her eyes sparkled with fear, fierceness almost as if her heart had broken into a million pieces yet she was holding it together not for the sake of putting on a show, but for herself. All I could do was smile, a huge grin actually, all the time I wanted them to be ordinary people, but she proved me wrong, greatness runs inn our blood.

Zoh and Ophelia, my little babies, I wasn’t worried about them either, they did cry though but chanted this one sentence together, “ Vincit qui se vincit .” and the three of them bowed before my casket, touched my feet, an intense bolt and I could hear them whisper together, non-duco ,duco.

An intense bolt of lightning shot through me, I looked at my arms they became almost transparent now. I could feel myself fading away, being sucked into but, I was ready to go before hearing his voice one last time.

My children, I was proud of myself to have raised them, but I looked at the sky above me and thanked the Gods for giving such Brave and strong humans into me. Thank you, thank you.

I was so lost in the maternal glory and satisfaction, I didn’t notice Zeke passing out on the podium before he even uttered a word.

He slowly swayed down, his eyelids shutting down on his beliquent violet eyes gleaming with distress and grief, his hands went upwards in a dramatic manner and his knees buckled down and landed with a thud on the floor, out of habit his eyes frantically searched the room for me before giving out a guttural scream in my name.

Suddenly, everything moved so slowly, people sauntered about as glaze leisurely dripped of a cake, none could hear me screaming, scratching and pushing past everyone to hold him.

The next thing I remember is sitting in a rushing ambulance moving like those cars in video games, twishing and twashing around other vehicles but never actually touching them. I could feel his heartbeat getting fainter and fainter and his hand grappling to my side. I put all the strength I had left in me to push his intense desire to be with me.

The doctors were speaking in a feverish pitch and everyone was so focused on saving him, my reality jilted and I was back in the Lake District National Park, the glacial ribbon like water was still the same, where the sky kissed the tip of peak Windermere who was stretching into the sky, looking for lost love, the purple pink flowers scattered around, the manifestation of temptation, no one resisted in plucking them out ,, the reflection trees into the almost ice like water gleamed like crystals, miles and miles of grass stretching infinitely and in it were a thousand insects, chirping and hooting and going by their lives not knowing the amount of tragedy that has befallen the world and a plaid picnic spread over with all my favourites which included my person.

I remember this day, the day of my betrothal to my beloved.

Ezekiel, the same serene look on his face, his mouth puckered into a smile that tugged at his dimples, his platinum hair swaying the wind and his hands beckoning me towards, as much as I wanted to go, I stood rooted where I was. Even if I moved an inch, I somehow became aware of the repercussions, the loss of his life, the more intense his desire to stay with me, the less will he has to live.

Dr.Burke once said, “With all medical realities being equal, why does one person live and another die? I believe there is a mind, body and spirit connection.”, if Zeke doesn’t want to live, no matter how much the odds that favour him, his body will defy everything to be with, me.

Our love, was the kind of love that came around once in a lifetime, the pure love which doesn’t expect anything in return but just loves not because of the looks but because of the thoughts, the feelings and mostly the heart. I loved Zeke with every inch of my body, every cell in my being and it tears my heart to leave him alone, but I won’t be selfish today. He still has a lot left to do, his time hasn’t come yet, and death hasn’t knocked upon his door so I’m not going to slip the key to it.

He smiled, “Scarlett, my sun, my moon and stars, come, please. You know why, I can’t live another minute knowing you’re not there to lay my head upon your lap and talk about how our day went, or to see your chest collapse and fall with every breath, the comfort it gives me, just in  knowing your alive . No, no, no!!”

I know, but you must always remember that I will be live as long as there is a place for me in your heart, I will live in those times your remember me and smile, I will live in those moments where you and the kids look up to the sky and say my name, I will live as long you draw breath, do you wish to kill my legacy? Do you? Go back Ezekiel, go back, I will wait for you.

His face contorted into a fit of rage, sorrow, despair and he walked near me and starting thrashing wildly, kicking his arms and legs in all inhumanly directions, screaming, yelling and when I looked into his eyes and gave him one last look, he stretched his arm out to lightly touch my fingertips and whispered,” Goodbye, my love, I will live for you.” as he knelt before me the same way he did that day.

I felt myself being swirled into a whirlpool of light, stretching me into long into infinite bounds, suddenly filled with power and just the feeling of being complete and then darkness enveloped everywhere.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  

— Whoosh, a gust of wind blew over his face, almost caressing him. —

His eyelids fluttered open just a little, just enough to a peek at what is around him.

“Where am I? “

Daddy, you fainted at mum’s... umm... funeral and had a heart attack on the way, but now you’re okay, I sent Ophelia and Zoheth home, they persisted to stay but they had to go to school, that’s what mum would have wanted. You were muttering something in your sleep about seeing mum... Did you actually see her?

Yes, I did, she convinced me to stay. Go home, and take rest, you need to get back to college, remember what we promised mom? We are going to keep our word. Go.

She came and hugged him and gave a toothy grin and said,” Yes.” and closed the door behind her.

Thoughts flooded Zeke’s mind, he could remember clearly what happened at the lakes, and he knew what he was going to do. He clutched at his wedding ring and gazed outside his window knowingly. Even dead, Scarlet had made him a better man.

Scarlett I hope your happy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  

“What I want in my life is willing to be dazzled, to be cast aside by the weight of facts and maybe even float a little above this difficult world.” ~ M.O.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love,

Lady Lazarus

(picture and prompt from: pinterest)

[annemyunansevermi]

A blog on The King

Short story: It was about be a bad movie but it ended brilliantly. 

Long story: I don't know where to start.

I believe the movie has two main groups of audience, medieval enthusiast whose main motivation is to see some damn-good war scenes and beloved fans of Timothée Chalamet. Former is roughly satisfied and the second is happy to moon.

King Henry V is someone real guys, but it is said that the movie is mainly based on Shakespeare’s play, Henriad -more specifically Henry V, there are tons of Henry plays under the name Henriad- which created his own King Henry. So, we have a real struggle of historical facts and historical historical fiction. However, I really don't think that this problem needs that much attention because The King is a character movie, like the play. Yes, Shakespeare loved young man in existential crisis with lots of courage and virtue and whatever heroic characteristic required for traditional definition of manhood, and basically, he build his characters through this image.

Movie follows this legacy well, so well that I would call it “a ballad to man-making” -or king-making?- We see only 4 (four) women in total in this 130 minutes movie, no name girl who happened to sleep with him (Henry), matron of the inn where he was wasted during his earlier days, his sister and his wife -or let’s say princess of France. Well, this is a men’s world certainly but our French queen achieved to be the most drastic character of the movie. Guess when she appears in the movie though. Last 10 minutes. 

I think the biggest problem of the movie is its structure. Let’s face it, it is a slow movie. We only have three changes in atmosphere, Henry becomes the king, Henry goes to war, Henry learns the truth. Rest is conversations between a young king and dignitaries around him. A great cinematographer or an outstanding composer might save it by making us not notice that slowness, however, even Henry’s smart-ass oratory talent wasn't enough. What we have in hand are very good costumes and brilliant acting. 

Let’s also face with this. Timothée Chalamet is writing history, just in front of us. We’re literally witnessing the birth of something. His casting doesn't seem like a coincidence. The change in his body language throughout the movie shouldn't miss from eyes. Without his fluent French, we wouldn't have this gasp of well-deserved king image that clearly -yes for this, they sacrificed the English accent. Everyone is praising Robert Pattinson’s French-accented English but they miss the political message of the movie. There is a well-educated English king who is about to claim the French throne when his opponent, an arrogant, almost effeminate French successor who depicts an impotent ruler in most stereotypical way. I believe you get it. There is nothing changed since Dunkirk. Plus, I would like to remind you the recent British foreign policy really quick. Okay, that’s enough of conspiracy.

But, the movie doesn't let us leave with that opinion of “brave English men against French” which may make the audience think “There wouldn't have been a more typical historical movie.” The game changes so unbelievably towards the end that it makes you feel like you watched first two hours just for that end. Undoubtedly this is the most striking phase of the movie, even though it takes 10 minutes in total. The famous battle scene -not the scene, the battle itself is very famous- is also highly criticized by the type 1 audience for not being as glorious and ‘historical’ as it should be -horses they say, supposed to wear amour too they say, otherwise they say, they wouldn't have sink in mud they say........-. However, this is not a war movie and I believe that the director wanted to keep it that way on purpose so, the audience is left with that pure awe in the end.

What we left with in the end is a pure Machiavellian way of reading the human nature -or ruling nature. He named his book the Prince, pretty much in the same line with the King. You even can add Charles Tilly and hear him saying “Wars make states, states make wars.” But, wait, wasn't it that wars before make kings? 

[ssnakey-b]

FF8 English-French translarison, part 24: Return of the Translarison!

Holy shit, have I seriously not posted a new part since February?! Well, it’s time to get back to business. Since it’s been a while, in case you forgot, last time, the team was getting ready to face Edea for the second and last time. Let’s get to it.

We start with another example of Fujin telling us a bit more than in English as instead of just “FATIGUED!”, she says “I can’t take it any more!”.

Meanwhile, instead of “Let’s just go. ...Let’s get it over with, ya know?”, Raijin says “Come on, let’s keep going! We gotta end this!”

To this, English Fujin rplies “REQUEST” (which I’m still not sure what she means by that since she doesn’t actually request anything) while her French counterpart says “I’ve had it!”. A little dialogue follows.

English:

Raijin: ...We’re leavin’ Seifer up to you now, ya know? We don’t know what’s going on anymore, ya know? ...We just want the old Seifer back, ya know?”

Squall: (Seifer... He probably thinks he can’t go back now.) All right.

French:

Raijin: Seifer, we’ve had enough... this isn’t fun for us. We don’t know what’s going on! You weren’t like that before...

Squall: (Seifer won’t give up. No, not now...) I see...

I’ll give the English text that it’s a nice bit of characterization that Raijin is basically asking Squall to save Seifer from himself, or at least stop him from going even further down the deep end than he already has but man, do these annoying catchphrases and gimmick destroy any atmosphere for me. I really don’t understand why English-language translators are so obsessed with them (and if they were in the original Japanese, well, not everything needs to be translated directly).

Seriously, professional translators, you gotta understand that you don’t need to commit to a running gag every goddamn time to the detriment of everything else. Even if you don’t think it takes you out of the story, running gags get really old really quick.

Also, we once again get a hint that Seifer used to be better, which would have been nice to actually see in the game rather than constantly be assured that it used to be the case because again, we see more genuine chemistry between the Jin Team & Squall than between him and Seifer.

Anyway, with that rant over, let’s continue. This guy, who gives you the first key card, says mostly the same thing in both versions, but I wanted to bring it up because of an UNFORGIVABLE mistake in the French version. That’s right, despite the sentence being pluralized, they used the pronoun “Il” without an S, which is the singular form!! I really hope whomever wrote that atone by cutting off their pinky at the first knuckle.

On a more serious level, there is also an interesting little bit in the English version where he mentions that most students were kicked out, which is absent in the French version. And I mean, I guess it doesn’t need to be stated explicitly, but I think it’s nice to have it confirmed that Galbadia Garden was completely recycled into a military base, as it adds to the tragedy that the student basically lost their home IMO. Although I guess at least it means they’re not being held hostages.

And now it’s time to finally meet these hockey-playing monsters we’ve been told about so long ago. I just love that the devs actually made those, and that they decided that their reaction to a massive battles would be to take the opportunity to get involved in the fight for no real reason.

And yes, as you may have noticed the Slappers are called Jason in the French version of the game, because why not throw in a Friday the 13th reference for good measure? And if you remember (in which case, congrats on the good memory considering how long ago that was), this ties into another reference that’s been invented by the French version, where they explained that these guys psych themselves up for a match by watching horror movies such as Friday the 13th. Just amazing!

But wait! That’s not all! Because if you scan them, the French version also explicitly mentions that the Jasons are, in fact, students at Galbadia Garden. I mean, you could gather that information in the English version as well, but to have it explicitly stated here just makes it that much funnier to me. Just imagine having to take classes with these things next to you. Do they keep the masks on? What do they look under there? Please, Square-Enix, cancel the remaster and put your resources towards giving us a spin-off expanding on this lore. THIS is what the world needs!

Sadly, we must leave the Jasons, but we do get to meet Cerberus! The original dog from Hell!

Massive difference in tone between the versions when it comes to Cerberus, or Cerbères in French (the last E is silent, as is the S). In English, he’s very blunt, talking less like an immortal demonic being and more like a pro wrestling Heel, yeeling in all caps “PRETTY CONFIDENT. LET’S SEE HOW YOU DO. SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!” which by the way, really makes me wish he went “I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT” upon being defeated.

In French, he is more eloquent and collected, saying “What arrogance! Mere mortals! Show me what you’re capable of!”. And while his actual line upon defeat is “NOT BAD...MORTALS” in English, in French, he simply says “Interesting”.

One last detail about this fight I’d like to mention. After Irvine mentions he doesn’t know that Guardian Force, French Squall simply says “Let’s take it!” but I like the English version a lot more here, as Squall goes “Ahh... let’s just take it.”

Yeah, sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. And I think that says a lot as to where Squall is mentally at this point. Just done. Fuck it. I mean, he just fought a team of horror-inspired hockey monsters, there’s no point in questioning anything any more.

Much to my dismay, it’s time to meet up with Seifer again. The dialogue stays mostly consistent across both versions, with the one notable detail being that in the English version, when addressing Linoa, he says “remember a year ago we...” whereas in French, he says “and yet, a year ago...” so the English version hints at a slightly deeper, perhaps more reciprocal relationship.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the only acknowledgement Seifer gives of any previous relationship between the two in either version, and it’s in an optional bit of dialogue that only appears if Linoa is in the party at this point. This is why I am not buying this supposed love triangle for a second. Much like every part of the supposed rivalry between Seifer and Squall, it barely exists, what little is there is completely superficial and Seifer is blatantly outmatched right form the get go.

And look, I’m not here to tell you you’re right of wrong in your headcanons or fanfics or whatever, I really don’t care. However, it always annoys me when people go on and on about how deep and meaningful this love triangle when it’s really not. In fact, it barely is at all. So again, I’m not giving people shit if they want to make it a thing, but you gotta keep in mind that whatever story you give them is entirely your creation. Because when it comes to what’s actually shown in the game, well, it’s almost nothing, which makes me wonder why it’s even there to begin with. The extent of their story is: Linoa thought Seifer was hot, Seifer might have thought the same about her, maybe?

Anyway, second rant over, there’s a small difference in the dialogue with Irvine. In English, Seifer says “Hey, you’re a Galbadian student, get over here.” to which irvine replies “I’m happy right here, thank you.”

In french, Seifer says “Hey, the Galbadian, you’re coming back home?” and he answers with “I like my new country better” which I don’t think is actually quite what’s going on but I will admit is an interesting take on this scene.

Again, things are pretty similar in the dialogue between Squall and Seifer leading up to the battle, with Squall saying Seifer is just another monster in both versions, although Seifer’s last line before the fight is different... and very stupid either way. In English, he says “You guys are the monsters” and in French he says “I think of myself as a Boss, yeah”.

Well I’m glad both lines are equally cringeworthy, with English Seifer cribbing his from a 12 year old trying to sound deep and French Seifer just coming across like the kind of douche that The Lonely Island likes to parody. Also, I think the French version may have attempted to be cute. Get it? Because he’s a boss battle! HA HA no.

In the auditorium, we have a slight difference in Edea’s opening line. In English, she refers to Squall as “the legendary SeeD destined to face me”. In French, she calls him “the famous Seed whose coming is announced by all”. It seems a bit weird to me as I’m not getting the impression that Squall is all that famous in-universe so it would be weird that “all” would announce his arrival.

So I think the English version works a little bit better as it gives the impression she knows that due to her insight into future events. Then again, you could argue that French Ultimecia is talking about her original timeline, where perhaps Squall was leading the charge against her and he had become some kind of hero to the people of that time, and that she is trying to stop him before he can become that hero. After all, for someone like Ultimecia, it would make sense to view the various timelines as one and the same.

So we fight, I grab Alexander (known in French as Alexandre, so almost the same, but the English name will still show in my game due to my save file getting confused) and during Squall’s blackout, we get a slight difference that once again at the two translations being based off the original Japanese rather than each-other, as in English, Squall complains about his body hurting whereas in French, it’s specifically his head, so it appears we have different interpretations going on.

Similarly, after Edea asks if she was able to protect Ellone (which interestingly, shows that Edea is at least not always aware of what Ultimecia is doing), English Squall thins “I don’t understand”, showing general confusion at the situation, whereas French Squall thinks “I don’t know.” replying directly to her question about Ellone.

And that’s it for today! Next time, we’ll see how differently Squall reacts to Linoa’s situation in both versions as we finally start taking on the 3rd CD content. I hope you all enjoyed this return of the translarison, I honestly didn’t realize it had been this long. I promise I’ll try and be more regular again, even though as I’ve said before, the only schedule for this is “when I feel like it”.

Now speaking of future updates, in case you missed it, I would like to start streaming my gameplay sessions on Twitch as I take screenshots and comment on what’s happening, and hopeuflly take your questions and observations. If it”‘s something that sounds interesting to you, I would really like you to say so by commenting on this post, dropping me a line or however you see fit, and if/when it happens, you can join us at twitch.tv/ssnakeyb. Either way, likes and reblogs are always appreciated to help spread the word.

Have a nice day, everyone! I’l be seeing you next time!

[emersonmonroe]

ali here with a second intro for my babe, emerson. 

( jenny boyd. twenty-eight. she/her. ) we spotted EMERSON MONROE  in the wilds today, just another gear in the machine of the apocalypse. i heard she chose to go ROGUE for the end of the world. i guess it fits, seeing as she’s known to be + adventurous & + charismatic, as well as - selfish & - bitter. they often have body talks by the struts ft. kesha stuck in their head while they hunt. i wonder if they’re prepared for what’s coming?

— basics;;

NAME : emerson may monroe ALIAS ( NICKNAMES ) : emerson, em AGE : 28 SEXUAL ORIENTATION : pansexual GENDER IDENTITY : cis-female, she/her SPOKEN LANGUAGES : english, conversational french FORMER OCCUPATION : model FAMILY : lili monroe ( mother, deceased post-apocalypse, currently unknown ), charles monroe ( father, deceased pre-apocalypse ), alexander monroe ( older brother, alive, currently unknown ) POSITIVE TRAITS : confident, charismatic, adventurous, adaptable NEGATIVE TRAITS : selfish, bitter, arrogant, stubborn

— a look deeper;;

emerson monroe was the second child born into what was already a happy household. charlie & lili had been married with a child long before emerson came around. alexander was already fourteen before em (their surprise, miracle baby) was born. the family had another three years of happiness before tragedy struck in the form of a heart attack when charles monroe was only forty-six. without him, em’s mother was lost. emerson’s aunt, marina, moved in shortly after to help take care of things.

her mother never really recovered from it. she slowly drank herself to death over the next decade leaving emerson with only her aunt for comfort. but by that time, emerson had already considered her aunt her parent anyways. she barely even remembers a time when she had her real parents as more than a photograph or a drunken mess in the bathroom. marina was honestly the best parent emerson could have asked for. she always made sure to tell her aunt that too.

emerson grew up surrounded by science fiction as her father was a huge fan of the genre. her mom continued the tradition after he passed and made emerson watch it with her during her few sober moments. although she never liked it as a child, she ended up liking it more through the years especially after her mother passed too.

emerson was ‘discovered’ by a modeling agency when she was seventeen and she spent the next few years in new york pursuing that career. although she wasn’t quite a household name, she was well on her way to becoming one when the world went to shit.

despite going into modeling, drawing is the one thing that emerson always thought she was best in. she had considered some sort of career in art or something similar for once her looks couldn't get her any further in life, but that’s all gone to shit now. her art used to tend towards fantastical designs and contemporary pieces. she liked to shock people with her art, though not through gore or anything of the like, but in the strange and otherworldly. she liked to incorporate a mix of nature and muted colors to evoke a sense of wonder and weirdness. although it’s impractical, she does keep a prized sketchbook and pencils in her bag still.

she was in california when the world as she knew it ended. there was a fashion show she was supposed to appear in and some award show to make an appearance at, but she never made those. it was there she met josiah just as she began to realize that she was in deep trouble on her own. she basically latched on to the first protector-type she found, and that happened to be him. she was lucky she hadn’t met a rather unfortunate end considering everything else going on around them and considering her distinct lack of survival skills. her skills have improved some since then, but she certainly still wouldn’t survive on her own. she would sacrifice most people for her own safety tbh, but not josiah, ofc. 

she’s honestly bitter on the end of the world like girl had so much going for her and now she hasn’t had a manicure in four years and she could really use a hair straightener. emerson used to try to focus on what the future could hold, but it’s hard when all she sees now is death. 

— CONNECTIONS;;

i’m not going to make any super specific ones because honestly i’m just lazy right now, but i’d love for some friends, enemies, exes from before the apocalypse, new acquaintances, old friends, etc. lemme know if emerson would fit one of your connections cause i can guarantee i’m down!

[enneagramspam]

VERONICA SAWYER

6w7

“I wish you'd come with me-“

In response to a question asked over on r/enneafiction.

Veronica’s Six core is exploited at every turn throughout Heathers, the Musical and the clashing of her loyalty to her ideals with the desire to feel safe and secure ultimately results in an abrupt and extreme disintegration over the course of the show. 

Basic Fear:  Of being without support and guidance / Basic Desire: To have security and support

“I wanted someone strong who could protect me…”

Veronica wants, more than anything else, for someone to have her back in a world she perceives as dangerous and frightening. This is made abundantly clear in Fight For Me, the song where she falls in love with JD after seeing him defend himself. The repeated lyric; “I would fight for you // If you would fight for me,” is the most obvious example- the world itself might remain unsafe, but the potential security to be found in another person is a huge draw for her (“Could you carry me through no man's land?”).

This isn’t the first instance of Veronica’s safety seeking behaviour, however- it’s present as early as Beautiful, when she asks the Heathers; “Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone…” Veronica isn’t interested in spending time with the Heathers for the sake of popularity or self-affirmation- it’s as a shield. Beautiful also sees her scrambling out of the way of anyone who might pose a threat (“Oh, sorry!” // “Aah, nothing!”), except, notably, when Martha is the one being threatened, where the first glimpse of a counterphobic Veronica emerges; “Pick that up right now … I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend.” Sixes are loyal to their friends, but also to their beliefs- Veronica has a strong sense of justice and a conviction that things can become better again;

“But I know, I know...

Life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray

For a better way

We were kind before;

We can be kind once more

We can be beautiful..,”

Ultimately, it’s her loyalty to this ideal, and her ability to function counterphobically to defend and preserve it, that saves her and the school as a whole, allowing her to confront JD with the conviction that “his solution is a lie,” despite his repeated attempts to exploit her loyalty; “Please don’t leave me alone, // You were all I could trust.”

Everything comes to a head at the end of Act One. After the events of Blue leave Veronica feeling particularly defenseless, she does what a disintegrated Six is wont to, and latches onto her only source of security; JD. “You’re not alone,” he tells her, an offer of the security she is seeking, but can’t seem to find anywhere else. Veronica finds herself drawing strength from the relationship; “We’re what killed the dinosaurs, // We’re the asteroid that’s overdue,” and ultimately venerates it to religious significance, following JD’s lead; “Our love is God.” But the fantascism of these statements, and the undercurrent of violence present from the beginning of the song, betray her disintegration, and the brutality that is about to ensue. Veronica reacts with horror when she discovers that JD has in fact, murdered Kurt and Ram instead of just knocking them out as he promised, (“What the fuck have you done?”) but he remains her only source of safety, even in a world that he has just made a lot more dangerous- he is still completely loyal to her; “...I worship you // I'd trade my life for yours.” Veronica finds herself, more afraid than ever, but with no other source of potential safety, she continues to answer JD, “Our love is God,” despite the fear plain on her face, and doesn’t try to leave his embrace- letting go would mean facing her basic fear, and being without support and guidance.

Seventeen is her attempt to make their relationship into a true source of sanctuary for the pair of them, appealing to JD’s own strength of loyalty (“Can’t we be seventeen? // That’s all I want to do.”). As a Six, she is unable to make a convincing statement without acknowledging all their past pain; “Fine we’re damaged,” and the truth of more in their future, “People hurt us … And you’re right, that really blows.” The song exemplifies her Seven wing- she suggests shallow distractions from the pain, chilli fries, prom night, shopping for summer clothes- but ultimately what she is offering JD is her presence by his side; “Don’t stop looking in my eyes.” The song is filled with offers and promises of and appeals to both their senses of loyalty; “I wanna be with you,” “Your love’s too good to lose,” “Hold me tighter,” etc. Ultimately, the conclusion; “I’ll stay if I’m what you choose // If I am what you choose // ‘Cause you’re the one I choose.” sums up Veronica’s tendency towards loyalty, but also need for it, perfectly.

Disintegration to 3:

“Dreams are coming true // When people laugh but not at you!”

What drives many Sixes to disintegrate is a belief that they are not equipped to protect themselves. Veronica’s initial disintegration occurs when she joins the Heathers as a direct result of this belief- by Candy Store, she has become image-conscious enough to sabotage Martha’s popularity in order to maintain her own (and thus her own safety.) Big Fun makes it clear that this strategy, though unhealthy, is working for her, (“I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!”) and she spirals further into it.

When disintegrated, Sixes lash out- they divide the world into “them and us,” and can be driven to sabotage the “them,” in order to protect themselves. As she disintegrates further, Veronica briefly embodies an unhealthy Three’s arrogance- taken in by JD’s sweeping promises in Our Love is God- “We can start and finish wars…” and enthusiastic to play judge and jury to Kurt and Ram- but critically, not executioner. The murder is a shock to her system, and ironically, allows her to see the flaws in their previous arrogance; “We’re not “special”, we’re not “different” // We don’t choose who lives or dies.”

Integration to 9:

“Listen up folks, // War is over.”

There isn’t much opportunity for Veronica to integrate, but Seventeen (Reprise) offers us a glimpse- while as a Six, Veronica can’t put her fears aside completely; “We're all damaged, we're all frightened // We're all freaks but that's alright,” this song has a far more optimistic tone from Veronica than anything else in the whole show; “We’ll endure it, we’ll survive it.” Like a healthy Nine, she shows a willingness to let go of unproductive conflicts (“We are done with acting evil // We will lay our weapons down”,) and relationships alike,  (“If no one loves me now // Someday somebody will.”) Enneagram institute describes Nines at their best as; “indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts,” and that’s a perfect description of what this song is all about; “Brand new sheriff’s come to town.”

Childhood Wound: They lost faith they would be protected.

““But the sky's gonna hurt when it falls, // So you better start building some walls…”

There’s an underlying pattern in Heathers, like in many teen dramas, of adults who are essentially untrustworthy- either helpless or unwilling to lend a hand to the kids they should be responsible for. This is arguably such a pervasive theme because it lends the teenagers more agency in the plot and gives their struggles more credibility, but in Heathers, this trope is in fact a depiction of a lack of empathy from adults who truly don’t take teenagers seriously, or are in fact outright abusive or neglectful.

In Beautiful, teachers objectify Veronica, or only recognise her once she is important enough to be seen with the Heathers. Outside of her, Kurt and Ram’s fathers’ are demonstrably abusive, and their sons perpetuate that cycle of abuse by taking it out on their schoolmates. They only repent only in My Dead Gay Son- too late. Ms Fleming is apathetic towards the students whose mental health she is supposed to prioritise from her first appearance- trying to impose a detention on Heather Duke even as she vomits from her eating disorder right in front of her. In Shine A Light, her advice to the students is facile, and her motivation is more about performing for the cameras than actually making a positive impact. Altogether, Veronica lives in a world where adults simply can’t be depended upon for help or sanctuary. Her verse in Dead Girl Walking (Reprise), directed at JD, encompasses all this;

“I wish your mom had been a little stronger

I wish she stayed around a little longer

I wish your dad were good!

I wish grown-ups understood!

I wish we’d met before

They convinced you life is war!”

From Yo Girl, we know the situation applies not just to Veronica’s schoolmates, but her, too. The intertwining of her parent’s empty reassurances; “Your problems seem like life and death! // I promise, they’re not!” with the chorus’ building, ominous reminder of the very real threat of JD drawing closer and closer, “Guess who’s climbing the stairs? // Guess who’s picking the lock?” shows that her parents aren’t equipped to protect her. Childhood wounds only have to be felt- a Six can perceive themselves as vulnerable when this isn’t the truth of the situation. It’s notable that despite the present danger, she simply answers, “You wouldn’t understand,” and works to protect herself (“Veronica’s trying to keep him out, now,”) and again, doesn’t ask anyone for help during Dead Girl Walking (Reprise). All of Veronica’s experiences have clearly built her into a Six who feels she has no-one left to trust.

w7:

“Let's be normal, see bad movies // Sneak a beer and watch tv,”

Veronica often deals with her issues by retreating, shutting her eyes to the unpleasant realities of what’s going on around her, with varying success; “Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés // Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!” Her conflation of her own ideals of kindness and inner beauty with the physical beauty she achieves as a result of the Heathers’ makeover is arguably made easier by her Seven wing- “When you’re beautiful // It’s a beautiful frickin’ day!”- when she fakes Heather Chandler’s suicide note, she as much confesses this; “Believe it or not, I knew about fear ... I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes,” although she doesn’t admit this is partly confessional. This isn’t the only instance of Veronica’s unwillingness to confront unpleasant truths in favour of happier distractions- trying to undo what’s happened with JD with chilli fries and dancing seems another example, as does her behaviour in Dead Girl Walking, wherein she opts to distract herself from her anxieties not just by returning to her source of security, (“In here it’s beautiful,”) but with seeking baser pleasure to drown out any pain; “Make this whole town disappear!”

[spltlippd-blog]

❝ I’m officially off the rails. You should try it.❞  BENJAMIN WADSWORTH? No, that’s actually MADDOC ‘MADS’ BLENKINSOP. Only NINETEEN years old, this HUFFLEPUFF alumni works as a WILDLIFE + ANTIQUES SMUGGLER and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. HE identifies as CISMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be ERRATIC, VIOLENT, and IMPULSIVE but also RESOURCEFUL, BOLD, and PASSIONATE. { EL, 22, EST, SHE+HER }

I. A HISTORY

“DEATHS: Barnabus Blenkinsop, 25. Body missing. Reward for information.” ─ The Daily Prophet, 8th February 1999.

Mr. Blenkinsop's presumed death occurred on November 20, 1998 and his obituary appeared in the Daily Prophet. A reward was offered for information about what happened to his body since all that was found in his bed at St. Mungo's was a tin of anchovies.

The Blenkinsop family made their money through “trade” and “exploration,” which are both just codewords for seizing territories and poaching wildlife.

They’ve comparable to the mafia in the sense that the extensive family operates within itself as an organized crime unit with a tendency for violence; everyone knows what they do, but no one has the concrete evidence (or balls) to do anything about it.

Plus… dragonhide clothing is all the rage, yeah? Who do you think is out there getting the resources? Those pickled hippogriff eggs (found only in the highest society establishments and incredibly illegal for consumption) that you like so much come from somewhere, right?

Also deal with antique looting for private collectors and played a prominent role in the original horcrux hunt as they were able to track down founders memorabilia and get it by any means necessary.

Weren’t originally anti-muggle, but since the establishment of the Statute of Secrecy became very much so.

The Statute both hurt their business and seemed incredibly unfair; wix were continuously pushed into the underbelly of civilization as muggles were continuously and freely expanding and wix are just supposed… to accommodate that? Be alright with living in hiding and bending over for a race that can’t even wipe their arse without using their hands? Bullshit.

The anti-muggle sentiment only grew and festered over time as wix were persecuted by muggles and forced into hiding and culminated in the Blenkinsops becoming one of the most prominent pureblood families that actively and politically opposed muggles altogether.

Blenkinsops were part of the Knights of Walpurgis and continue to be heavily involved with the Death Eaters.

II. OVERVIEW

NAME.

↳ Maddoc Anarawd Blenkinsop. Goes by Mads.

GENDER + ORIENTATION.

↳ Doesn’t think of people like that. But for the purpose of clarity, cisman, biromantic bisexual.

BIRTHDAY + BLOOD STATUS.

↳ ?? / ?? / ???? (currently 19 years old). Pureblood.

OCCUPATION.

↳ Poacher + antiques smuggler.

III. DIGGING DEEPER

↳ “Now this looks like a job for me / so everybody just follow me / 'cause we need a little controversy / 'cause it feels so empty without me.”

What they see: expensive robes, even more expensive cologne worn far too young, five languages, silver gold and glistening rings, never without his wand, unwavering loyalty, straight spine and shoulder back, looks just like his mother, a smile that says: you don’t know me at all and you never will

What you see: tattered shirts, salt and sweat, a vicious tongue, silver gold and blood rusted rings, never without his beast, all-consuming obsession, violence violence violence, looks absolutely insane, laughing at his own traumas

The images co-exist.

He’s so pretty, absolutely lovely at society banquets, trained in wix ballroom dancing that’s essentially spinning on air, but there’s always been a darkness inside of him you might glimpse upon a first meeting

Anyone who was unfortunate enough to attend Hogwarts with him knows all too well exactly why he’s called “Mads” over Maddoc

“i’m officially off the rails. you should try it.”

ERRATIC. his whirlwind of emotions are either charming or terrifying, and switch so suddenly and quickly it can give you whiplash. his behavior more so. he operates by his own moral codes that’s yet to be deciphered and doesn’t seem to follow any pattern of behavior whatsoever. it’s got its benefits, sure, but the downfalls include: unfinished projects, dropped conversations, and general confusion.

VIOLENT. you don’t get it: one second, he’s smiling, laughing with you, and the next you’re dazed and wondering what it was you said that caused that punch. mads is known for sudden and intense violence; his family is much the same, as their enemies are far too aware of, and rumor on the street is that they all beat the shit out of each other daily. it’s mostly true. while in hogwarts, he earned the reputation of the “attack dog,” jumping into physical altercations at the drop of a hat if he felt it justified.

and IMPULSIVE. his line of work kind of depends on split-second decision making and he’s fortunate enough to excel at that. unfortunately, he’s impulsive to a fault and will go with his gut quicker than he can think not to.

but also RESOURCEFUL. not even mads’ worst enemy would deny his intellect. kid’s fucking smart and able to process information and spit back results in a second; he’s already gone through all the possible outcomes of a problem, he’s already thought thirty steps ahead, he’s already more than prepared for every single plan to go to shit. he’s got this.

BOLD. mads was never one to hold back, whether it be his thoughts, opinions, or feelings. he doesn’t second guess himself and he won’t ever hold back. why live life wishing you did instead of doing?

and PASSIONATE. whether it be his unwavering loyalty bordering all-consuming obsession, or the fire he pours into his every action, or his ability to laugh through tear-streaked cheeks, mads has so much ambition within him it’s hard to contain at all.

fluent in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and Persian; currently studying Greek

Blenkinsops (illegally) keep and breed manticores and each have their own; Mads’ is called Bully and he loves him

but at the same time “do animals deserve rights” because he’s really out here poaching wildlife without a care in the world (ask him about pygmy puff kebabs he had at a shady pub in Morocco)

IV. MAGIC SHIT

(former) HOGWARTS HOUSE: Hufflepuff.

WAND: Cedar wood, acromantula web core, 11 ¾ inches, unyielding flexibility 

***(Inherited, passed down through generations of Blenkinsop wizards. The wand is incredibly loyal to its original owner─ dead for nearly 500 years now─ and Mads has difficulty using it.)

CEDAR WOOD: “Whenever I meet one who carries a cedar wand, I find strength of character and unusual loyalty. My father, Gervaise Ollivander, used always to say, ‘you will never fool the cedar carrier,’ and I agree: the cedar wand finds its perfect home where there is perspicacity and perception. I would go further than my father, however, in saying that I have never yet met the owner of a cedar wand whom I would care to cross, especially if harm is done to those of whom they are fond. The witch or wizard who is well-matched with cedar carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them.”

ACROMANTULA WEB CORE: Those who are determined, stubborn, cold (cool-natured), fearless, and with a mischievous and/or dark disposition would have this wand core. Having such a wand core suggests that you have firm convictions and have a deeply rooted vindictive nature, but this does not at all mean that you are not capable of caring or loving someone or something in your own way. However, your vindictive nature can often lead you towards revenge when something wrong or unjust is done to you. This makes you less likely to forge strong bonds and/or forgive someone easily. This is one of the best cores to use in the darkest of Dark Magic, particularly with The Unforgivable Curses. It is a wand core predominantly found among those of House Slytherin. If one is thinking about having a wand made with an Acromantula Web core, they’re probably a fan of having their wand confiscated by the authorities. Using a wand with this wand core has been illegal in Britain since 1782, after they were discovered that the wielder of a wand with this wand core has particular ability with Dark Magics, especially the Imperius Curse. There are certain diplomatic exceptions, as it is a traditional wand core for Asian wands, but even those are temporary, and many wizard diplomats on long-term assignments find themselves compelled to procure replacement wands during their stay. This was once a common wand core among Dark Healers.

UNYIELDING FLEXIBILITY: A wand of this flexibility finely tunes itself to its original owner’s preferences and doesn’t stray from those preferences, even in the hands of a new owner; the new owner will just have to get used to it. It is particularly good for combative and healing magic. Unyielding wand owners tend to be very confident in themselves and/or in the things they believe in. They tend to be intelligent, somewhat cynical, and usually have well-defined principles that they will not stray from ever. Sometimes, this combination can lead to arrogance because of them insisting on how right they are without considering other points of view or whether or not they might be wrong.

congratulations on making it to the end!!! i would absolutely love some plots for this ferocious little beast so hmu or look out for my plotting call!!!

[the-tv-ninja]

Trick or Treat

  Chapter 1: Costumes

Sanji wondered through the streets absent-mindedly, taking appreciative glances at the mélange of orange, yellow and red. It was nearly the end of October and autumn was present everywhere – from the colourful leaves, to the chilly wind that made him shiver a little to the Halloween decorations.

There were various cinnamon candles, pumpkin lanterns and even skeleton ornaments scattered throughout the city streets.

The cook smirked, he'd always been one to enjoy the holidays. He could debate why – perhaps it came as an occupational thing since he'd get to prepare seasonal dishes.

This time around though…there was something special about autumn. The air appeared clearer, the various shades of the trees more vibrant and for the first time since he was twelve he was actually excited about Halloween.

"Seems just like you be excited about a girly ass thing, ero-cook," Zoro mocked when he'd stupidly shared his thoughts out loud.

Still, the words lacked bite and he could see Roronoa smirk a little, as though their little banter sessions made him happy.

"What about chopper?" Sanji asked to which Zoro had promptly looked away, the way he always did when he couldn't convey emotions into words.

" He used to love Halloween when he was really small…back when Tashigi and I-"

The words hung in the air awkwardly and the chef bit his lip, opting to change the topic.

Now though he was going through town, on a mission. A sudden idea sprouted in his chest like a weed and no matter how much he wanted, he couldn't tear it away.

In the end it was decided – they were going to celebrate Halloween, regardless of what the Marimo had to say about it.

 xxx

Sanji stood before the window screen of a large, decoration shop and briefly debated if he should enter. He'd always been on the prideful side and something told him buying not one but four costumes, one of them for a kid, was bound to get some raised eyebrows.

"How may I help you, sir?" the shop assistant, Keimi, as the name tag read asked when she noticed how lost he appeared.

The chef quickly explained, for once omitting his usual praise for the beautiful lady before him.

Keimi's lips stretched into a warm smile which brightened the whole shop,

"I think we have just what you need," she promised, taking his pale hand and dragging him towards the rows of different costumes.

 xxx

To say Chopper was excited two hours later would be understatement of the year.

"Sanji, you're SO cool!" he cried out, bouncing on his feet as he clung onto the Halloween costume the blonde had just handed to him.

Zoro seemed stunned, unable to even comment. He was stilling sitting on his bed in his room, one remaining grey eye wide in bewilderment,

"You…really shouldn't have," he whispered after an unnaturally long pause, "But thank you."

Sanji felt something flutter in his chest, a wave of warmth washing over him. He couldn't get past the pure gratitude in the other's voice, how damn happy he looked.

Not only that but surprised as well, as though he wasn't used to people treating him nicely. It made the chef frown, he'd been the same way but as he was slowly starting to realize – things were changing. He may not have had the best biological family, sure, but he had Zeff and now, with Zoro and Chopper around it almost felt like he had a family of his own. Sure, they weren't there yet, but it felt nice, offering a long forgotten sense of security to Sanji.

"Come on, Chopper, try it on!" he insisted, shooting the six-year-old an encouraging look.

"Okay! I'll go to the bathroom and change!" the kid said, smiling brightly at them before running away.

Sanji then turned to Zoro himself, opting to sit next to him as the old bed creaked under their combined weight.

The scene of their first kiss, a mere week ago, flashed before his eyes – Roronoa being only centimetres away, hot breath dancing over his lips. And then his lips, a little chapped but welcomed... the way his tongue clashed against his. The contact had been unexpected and playful, like a breath of fresh air after being locked inside for too long.

The blonde cleared his throat, retrieving back to reality once the memory lost its grip on him,

"Here, I got one for you too, moss for brains," he offered, the insult was slowly turning into a loving pet name,

The look of shock on Zoro's face deepened - some strange emotion, caught between surprise and faint embarrassment. Then, much to Sanji's surprise things escalated further as his sides turned a pleasant red colour.

The cook couldn't help but grin at him – who knew this fearsome man could blush so deeply? He had to admit though – it suited him, making him appear younger and happier, adding some bonus points of attraction, as if he needed any. The word cute swam in Sanji's mind but he would never say it out loud though, he wasn't in the mood for getting chopped to pieces.

Perhaps he could steal a picture of Roronoa like this, all surprised and flustered, having a hard time comprehending basic human interactions. Then he would probably frame it over his bed, all in the name of teasing him.

"Thanks," the other muttered in the end, burying his face in the parcel and refusing to meet his gaze.

He stared at the costume, somewhat bewildered, evidently unable to guess who or what he was supposed to dress up as.

"You're going as Zorro!" Sanji couldn't help the sarcastic giggle, as uncharacteristic as it was for him – perhaps the man had a strange effect on him,

"I thought it would be clever – because of your name." he went, barely suppressing his own laughter, "And he has a sword as well! It's the perfect choice for you, don't you think?."

The taller man shook his head, lips curving into a smile which soon morphed into a sunny grin.

(Hearing Zoro laugh did something funny to his heart.)

"Damn, cook, you really are one cheesy bastard!" Zoro shot back but there was no edge to his words, if anything he seemed happier than he'd ever seen him before.

Sanji shrugged, a month ago he would have been offended, he'd have screamed an insult back or raised his leg for a kick. But now things were different, now he had an adorable six year old around, a directionally challenged marimo to help out in the kitchen and a twenty something child who wreaked havoc on his meat supply.

The new dynamic changed him, mellowed him down and took away the bitterness he'd felt for as long as he could remember.

"Don't just stand there, try it on, algae!" Sanji demanded, tone harsher for good measure.

Roronoa didn't protest, instead stood up and took his T-shirt off, as though that was the most natural thing in the world to do.

The cook couldn't help but stare, taking in the smooth tan skin and the strong defined muscles underneath it.

His blue eyes trailed over Roronoa's scars – thin white lines which criss-crossed over his torso, like rivers on a map. If anything they made him all the more attractive to him, as if a proof to his strength and endurance, a reminder of the pain he'd survived.

"I bet you only bought this, so you could see me strip," Zoro whispered, turning to him and winking like the damn asshole he was.

It was Sanji's turn to go red in the face, glad Chopper wasn't listening to their exchange, "Cocky bastard,"

Roronoa grinned at him, "That's how you like me,"

The chef rolled his eyes, "Touché,"

Zoro then proceeded to snake out of his torn, washed out jeans, tossing them aside on the floor. The French couldn't shift his gaze, hungry eyes falling over the man's plump ass and his strong thighs.

Various images flashed through his mind, none of them including any Halloween costumes or other clothes. He could picture the strong swordsman over himself, those damn good muscles working their magic. He'd never been attracted to a man before, hell he'd never even spared men a second look.

But Zoro…the damn bastard looked like sex on legs and he seemed to realize it which made him all the better in Sanji's eyes. Though he would never admit it, apparently he had a thing for arrogance, all mixed in with a round of banter between them. Not to mention, that six pack didn't hurt either.

"Cook, you might wanna tone down the looks, my son is in the other room," Roronoa joked, shaking his head as short locks of green swayed with his throaty laughter.

"Asshole," Sanji grumbled but still looked away, hating the way Zoro seemed to know all the right words to make him flustered, one way or another.

The private show the other man was giving him only lasted a few minutes, entirely too short in the French's opinion. Soon enough he stood before him, all dressed up as none other than the mythical legend Zorro.

Sanji grinned brightly at him, "You don't look half bad,"

Roronoa rolled his eye, stealing a look of himself in the reflection on the window.

"I'll kill you for this shit," he grumbled, "This is the cheesiest thing I've ever done."

It was true, the costume even provided a cheap, nylon cape which caught the fluorescent glint of the indoor lighting and added some bonus cringe points.

Sanji licked his lips, "You know Chopper will love it. Luffy probably too."

Zoro smirked, the look on his face shifting from slight annoyance to something else entirely, something warm and caring.

"Yeah, they will."

Speaking of the devil, the two flew in the room, much like a tornado of emotions.

"Sanji, the costume is so awesome!" the kid cried out, round grey eyes full of happiness and excitment.

The chef felt his heart melt at the sight, wishing he could seal this moment forever, so he could go back and play it on repeat, marvel at the three content faces that stood before him.

"I can't believe you got me a pirate costume!" Luffy all but shouted and the smoker was positive people in a radius of a few miles were hearing about it.

"How did you even know it was my childhood dream to be a pirate!?" he demanded, dark gaze full of awe,

The blonde shrugged nonchantly, "Must have been a hunch,"

He eyed Luffy who was dressed up in a stereotypical pirate attire, despite sternly refusing to have an eye patch as he deemed it would interfere with his trick-or-treating abilities, whatever that meant.

"Thank you so much!" the younger man cried out, throwing himself around Sanji's torso suddenly.

The chef froze on spot, sensing two long, skinny arms wrap around him as Luffy all but buried his head into his chest.

The contact was awkward at first, he was so unused to hugs, he'd almost forgot how they felt. Him and Law never embraced, despite carrying the unofficial tittle of best friends. The closest they'd got to a hug was that whole half armed thing they did at their university graduation. (And that been purely because Zeff had insisted, while pestering them about taking photos of them).

Slowly Sanji wrapped his arms around Luffy, returning the hug.

"This is the best Halloween ever!" The noirette shouted, rendering him nearly deaf in one ear.

"Glad you like it," he responded, turning to face the trio.

Zoro looked like hotness wrapped up in a cheap Halloween costume. Luffy fitted into the role nicely, as though he was born to be a pirate, travelling through the seas with some marry and probably equally crazy crew.

And Chopper was the cutest reindeer he'd ever seen. The boy looked adorable, dressed up as the animal, he'd even put the antlers which completed the look and a red nose (drawn with the lipstick Luffy had somewhere in his pockets and Sanji most definitely did not want to know where he got it from).

 xxx

"Well?" Luffy demanded impatiently, bouncing on the heels of his feet, "Get dressed up as well! You don't get to go costume free."

Sanji smirked at them, retrieving towards the bathroom to change. He caught the disappointed look which flashed on Zoro's face and it made him a little smug – so the bastard did want to steal a glance of him!

Hopefully, that would happen too, though the chef didn't want to rush into things, despite the few dreams he'd already had about the two of them.

Upon retrieving there were a couple of gasps as they took him in,

"You're an elf!" Luffy screamed enthusiastically, clapping his hands at his own clever of observation.

"A garden elf or something, blondie?" Zoro demanded, smirking at him.

The cook shot him a dirty look, "No, moss for brains! For your information I am in fact-"

"Legolas!" Chopper cried out happily, eyes wide in amazement as he seemed to make the connection, "Dad, look, he even has a bow and an arrow!"

Roronoa appeared puzzled to no end, his gaze darting between the chef and his smartass son who was for sure a geek in the making,

"Uh, so this Legolas thing…he supposed to be a cartoon character or something?"

"No, dad," Chopper shook his head, the way kids did when they were eager to correct an adult making a mistake, "He's that cool elf from that big book I read, "Lord of the Rings,"

Zoro grinned, ruffling the kid's hair lovingly, "I swear, kiddo, you're too smart for your own good."

Sanji smiled warmly at the scene, memories of him and Zeff going through his head. Truth to be told his adoptive father would always fall asleep during their movie marathons but still, it was the effort that counted. He missed the old fart, he should call more often.

"I can't believe you dressed like a character from a kid's book," Zoro teased, a devious look on his tan face.

The French felt a flicker of indignation in him come to the surface, sending him a glare, "For your information "Lord of the Rings" is anything but a kid's book, it's a classic!"

"Whatever you say, blondie," Roronoa grinned, then he moved in and sealed their lips.

Luffy made an excited squeal and Chopper appeared unfazed, too preoccupied to marvel at his own costume.

Sanji smiled against the kiss, it felt warm and good and right.

Zoro tasted of sake and steel and he smelled like some cheap aftershave, still it was his nirvana and he melted into the contacted, unwilling for it to end. Their tongues collided, it felt like a challenge, something fun and simple, with the lingering feeling of something more, something yet to be explored.

For one long moment he let himself have this, soak in the feeling of happiness, grateful he'd chosen to chase after Zoro that fateful day.

 xxx

"Where are we going now?" Luffy demanded excitedly, as soon as they stepped outside, "Can we please go trick or treating already?! Ace and I loved doing it when we were kids!"

Sanji opened his mouth to question who Ace was but thought against it, he'd ask another time or if the brunette felt like it, he'd share himself,

"Not yet. We have to get Mr. Grumpy here, then we head out."

"You mean, Torao right!?" the younger man cried out, "I can't wait to see him play dress up!"

"Mr. Law is coming too!?" Chopper appeared elated, "He's so cool, one day I'll be a doctor, just like him!"

Zoro patted his son on the shoulder as he held the jacket for him, "Of course you will,"

Sanji smiled, Law had better appreciate he was all but dragging him out of the apartment and offering him the chance to make friends for once.

"By the way, Sanji…you have any idea why Torao didn't reply to the text I sent him from your phone? I even asked him on a date! How mean of him not to respond!"

 xxx

Law glared at his Messenger app, squinting his eyes as he took in the picture of a very happy looking Luffy.

He snorted, throwing the small device away from him.

Unfortunately he wasn't on duty that night which meant he got to spend the night at home, with the lights turned off in vain hope that perhaps the damn kids from the neighbourhood wouldn't bother him that way.

"Meow," Beppo jumped on his bed, invading the covers and claiming his rightful spot at the Spaniard's feet.

Trafalgar sighed, running tan fingers through the cat's long, soft fur,

"Don't meow-me, you're so fortunate,' he mumbled, "You're just a cat – you're not forced to socialize, make friends. And celebrate this dumb Holiday."

The cat meowed once more, as though mocking him.

Law grunted, these monologues he was having with his cat were getting concerning.

Perhaps he really needed to get laid.

It was then that Luffy's text flashed before his eyes, "Wanna go out on a date?"

And that was garnered with a photo of the brunette, that same sunny grin, which seemed to be his trademark, gracing his attractive tan face.

Law covered his eyes with a hand and sighed loudly. For the past few days no matter what he did his thoughts dragged him back to that same loud, obnoxious and kind of daring he say it - cute - noirette.

Luffy – what kind of name was that anyway? And going on a date? Didn't Sanji inform him – Law doesn't go on dates! No, he just has sex with hot people in bars, every once in a blue moon. Then he gets back to his usual lonesome life as a surgeon with a shady past. Yeah, his life would make a good TV series.

"Man, I need to go out and find someone," he thought to himself, staring at the white ceiling of his room. Great, even his own home looked as sterile as a hospital these days.

Perhaps, going on a date wasn't such a bad idea, minus the whole small talk and the obligatory fake smiles. Not to mention how would he even find one?

It was then that Luffy's sunny image flashed before his eyes, all sparkly eyes and smooth tan skin.

The kid did want a date, didn't he? Trafalgar scoffed but still took another appreciate glance at his photo, he did look good.

So…what if? No! He couldn't think about that, he was Sanji's friend and he seemed naïve and kind enough, the sort of guy who wanted an actual date and not a mind blowing one night stand. He would probably even want to hold his hand and go to the movies. Law on the other hand, had different ideas about fun,

The image of two of them, tangled in the sheets flashed through his brain and then-

The doorbell rang. How anticlimactic.

Trafalgar grunted, covering his face and his ears with the fluffy pillow and pretending he was asleep. Maybe the damn kids would scatter away and leave him alone if he kept really quiet...

"I know you're in there, asshole!"

The Spaniard froze in spot – wasn't that Sanji's voice? Perhaps the blonde had decided to drag him out of the house and for them to head out, maybe even find some dates.

"Torao, you'd better bring candy!" he heard another voice and to his horror (and perhaps his delight as well) it was Luffy's.

His heart sped up, a small part of him thinking what were the odds the man he was thinking about would just show up at his door. If were a romantic, he'd say it was fate or something like that but he wasn't one to think about that. Hesitantly Law headed for the door, shaking his head, it was going to be a long night.

                            TBC

[vcg73]

Witch!Kurt Chapter 26 - A Familiar Situation

This is my second try at writing this piece. I had it part-way completed a few weeks ago but then I somehow lost the file, so my apologies if it’s a little disjointed.

~*~*~*~*~

 Kurt followed Sebastian into the dining room, mouth working silently as he tried and failed to find exactly the right words to express his annoyance at having Sebastian Smythe of all people show up at his parents’ doorstep all ready to move in and take over Carole’s training as a witch.

 Sebastian seemed to experience no such discomfort. He brazenly winked over his shoulder, clearly enjoying the sight of Kurt Hummel reduced to a state of sputtering outrage, then strode up to the breakfast table, helping himself to a sausage link from the small platter at the center of the table and smiling placidly at the seated family as he munched it. Swallowing, he helped himself to a second link and waved the other hand like a prince showing off for a crowd from the top of a parade float. “Sebastian Smythe, reporting as ordered.” He leaned over and looked a startled Carole straight in the eyes, stared at her for a long moment, and then nodded in apparent satisfaction.  “Yep, you’ll do.  Am I too late for coffee?”  

 After a moment spent watching this bold stranger daintily lick sausage grease from his fingertips, Carole gestured towards the kitchen. “Help yourself,” she offered. “There’s a fresh pot on the coffeemaker next to the sink. Cups are in the cupboard above, and there’s creamer in the fridge if you want some.”

 “I hope you got the French vanilla flavor. Or maybe some good cognac or cream sherry instead. No? Well, never mind. I’ll make do.” He wandered in to explore the kitchen, leaving Kurt’s family staring after him with expressions of mixed curiosity and doubt. The latter emotion mostly coming from Kurt and from his father, who still remembered Sebastian from Kurt’s high school days.  

 Kurt sighed and took the seat next to Adam that he had abandoned to answer the door. He pushed what was left of his breakfast away, finding himself no longer hungry. “Now that the shock is fading, I feel like I should have expected this. Things have been going much too well in my life just lately. I should have known that disaster was about to strike.”

 Burt grimaced, glancing toward the kitchen as he muttered, “At least you didn’t volunteer to foster that kid.  If Tubbington sent him, then I suppose he must be trustworthy, but I can’t say that I’m happy about this. He was in Blaine’s pocket for a long time, and he made you miserable for way too long to expect me to welcome him with open arms.  Are you sure we have to do this?”

 Reluctance laced every word as Kurt replied, “Carole needs training, and it will be simpler if her Familiar is on hand whenever she has time to work with him. I’ve only recently learned that a witch and Familiar are supposed to spend as much time as possible together during the first few months for a solid bond to form.  I was lucky that Elliott and I had already become close friends by the time my powers manifested. So even though I haven’t been consulting him on magical things as much as I should have, we still spent a lot of time together. Carole doesn’t have that luxury. I’m willing to take L.T.’s recommendation on faith that Sebastian is up to the job, but I’d be lying if I said this doesn’t make me nervous.”

 Adam craned his neck to get a better look at the newcomer. Sebastian, though he still looked like a human being, was prowling around the kitchen poking his nose into each cupboard and drawer, every inch the curious cat. “Is this the same bloke who flirted endlessly with Blaine, and carried on a dubious friendship with him for months behind your back? The one you told me felt scorned and so decided to toss a chemically laced cold drink in your faces in retaliation?”

 “That’s him,” Kurt sighed. “I don’t even know why it surprised me that he’s secretly a cat. He both looks and acts the part. Elliott is the kind of guy who likes to cuddle up and take care of a person, and that doesn’t change at all when he’s in cat form. But Sebastian is . . .”

 When he trailed off, Burt cut in, “He’s the kind of little shithead that likes to torment smaller animals for entertainment, trip people up, and knock things off shelves just for the hell of it.  Unfortunately for him, you were no timid little mouse. You had claws and you weren’t afraid to fight back.”  He considered the newcomer for a moment. “Tubbington was explaining the whole Familiar thing to me the last time he was out here. This one is a Purebred, I’m guessing?”

 “Of course I am,” Sebastian said, taking that as his cue to return. In spite of his pretense of disinterest, it was obvious that he had been listening in to the conversation. He took a long sip from a cup of coffee that appeared to be about half cream, then set it down and transformed. As there were only four chairs around the dining room table, each currently occupied, he hopped up into Carole’s lap and made himself at home. He continued to project his thoughts aloud. “Tubbington would never have sent some loser Animagus to train a budding but fully mature witch.”

 Kurt glared at him. “Watch it, Smythe. My Familiar is an Animagus. He’s also a good man, a great friend, and an amazing witch.”

 The slanted green eyes widened a bit. “You’re kidding.  I’ve been told that you’re the most powerful witch in a generation, which totally explains my instinctive interest in you, and Lord Tubbington let you bond to a half breed after refusing me?” If a cat could be said to roll its eyes, Sebastian did. “But of course you would be happy with that. After all, you were a New Direction. You probably open your arms to any loser that comes along and wants to join your coven.”

 Burt stood up and planted both fists upon the table, shooting their guest a warning glare. “Listen up, kitty. One more crack like that and you’re gonna be hunting for fish heads in the garbage behind Monroe’s Bass Hut. Elliott is a damn good kid. They’re all good kids, and Kurt’s coven is set to become one of the best in New York, from what I know.” He pointed a finger at the cat. “If you think you’re just gonna waltz in here and act like some kind of snob, looking down on me and mine while you mooch free food and sit on your furry ass passing judgment all day, you got another think coming. I may not have a single drop of magic in my veins, but if I ever catch you harassing my boys, or making a mockery of my wife’s training, I will personally have you neutered. Got me?”

 Sebastian had laid his ears back and was refusing to meet Burt’s challenging eyes. To Kurt’s immense surprise, he replied, “Yes, sir.  I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

 Taking his seat again, Burt huffed. “Good, and there’s no need for that formal stuff. You’re gonna live here, you call us Burt and Carole. You respect us, and that includes Kurt and his coven, and Sam if he ends up moving back in, and we’ll all respect you. Deal?”

 Seeming to recognize that he meant what he said, especially after glancing at Kurt, who nodded, the cat said quietly, “Deal.”  He looked at Burt and something about his posture reflected great satisfaction. “I think I’m gonna like it here.”

 Sebastian sat up and bumped Carole’s hand with his head.  Carole was a life-long cat lover, though she had grown out of the habit of keeping them as pets when Finn had turned out to be allergic, and her hands automatically rose to give the newcomer a pleasant scratch about his ears and chin. Sebastian expressed his approval with a loud purr that made Carole, Adam, and even Burt and Kurt smile.

 After a few moments of this, the brown cat hopped back down and crossed beneath the table to take over Adam’s lap next.

 Having heard a few tales of Kurt’s history with this person, Adam had been keeping his own counsel as the family was introduced to this arrogant young Familiar. “Adam Crawford,” he said now, keeping his hands lightly poised upon the table and refusing his natural instinct to pet the glossy brown coat. “Kurt’s fiancé. I believe I’m the other of Burt’s boys whom you were admonished to treat respectfully.”

 He grinned at his future father-in-law, who smiled back as he dipped his chin in agreement.

 The cat gave a low moan in its throat that sounded suspiciously like swearing. “Might have known you’d already have Kurt’s brand on your ass, handsome.” The annoyed swishing of his tail slowed and a sly look came into his green eyes. 

 “Back off, cat,” Kurt said, scooping the Familiar off Adam’s lap and dumping him on the floor. Just because he could, he sat down on the emptied space, ignoring Adam’s amused chuckle as his arms came up to encircle Kurt’s waist. The gesture was both affectionate and calming. “I’m done letting you try to seduce boyfriends away from me. Though, in retrospect I kind of wish you’d succeeded in wooing Blaine back to Dalton when we first met.”

 Sebastian flipped his tail in a dismissive gesture. “I didn’t want him. I just wanted to know what those stupid bird lovers thought was so amazing about him. When I saw how much power Potential you had and how protective you were of Blaine, I figured he must be something extra special.  Especially since he was already manifesting and you weren’t yet.  If I’d realized that he was just becoming a watered-down parlor magician with a talent for sucking the will out of other people, I’d have tripped him down that big Dalton staircase and done us all a favor.”

 “That’s a bit blood-thirsty, isn’t it?” Carole scolded gently.

 Sebastian flew straight back to her lap as if drawn by a magnet, purring and bumping at her chin in a surprising show of apology at the disapproval in her voice.

 “Okay, maybe I’d have just scratched up all his bow ties,” he amended, “but since he’s become little more than a murderer since then, my first instinct was probably better. I’m very sorry for your loss, by the way.”

 He looked at Adam as he said that, and Kurt’s focus intensified as a feeling of intense dread filled the pit of his stomach, making his recently consumed breakfast churn. “What do you mean by that?”

 “You tell me. You’re the one engaged to a zombie. How’s it feel to have come back from the Twilight Zone, Sir Pecs-a-lot?”

 Adam looked at Kurt, as startled as his fiancé.  “How do you know about the Void?”

 Sebastian somehow gave off the impression of having raised a disdainful eyebrow.  “As you’ve all observed, I spent a lot of time with Blaine in the past few years. Even when I told him to buzz off, he still kept coming back hoping for an ego fix.  And since I hadn’t found my own Witch yet, I figured I might as well keep an eye on him. When he returned from New York the first time, after going there to scout colleges, he basically reeked of moral rot. I knew something was up, so I played buddy-buddy. Next thing I knew he was spilling his guts about some English guy he had supposedly killed in a magical duel for Kurt’s honor, or some such bullshit.  I thought he’d finally inhaled too many gel fumes.”

 “So, he did know what he’d done,” Adam breathed. “All this time, we assumed he had been in the dark. Surely the Void wasn’t his intention, though. I didn’t even know it existed, and my family have been witches and magical scholars for countless generations.”

 “He didn’t know exactly,” Sebastian corrected. “He thought he’d killed you, and holy shit you should have heard the paranoid whining that went along with that!  He was sure that some kind of magical police force was going to show up at his doorstep and haul him away. Then nothing happened, and pretty soon he was convinced that he’d not only gotten away with it, but that he had been justified in “saving” Kurt, because Kurt belonged to him, and they were meant to be, and blah, blah, blah.”

 Sebastian made a sound like he was about to hack a hairball.

 “Go on,” Adam said with quiet intensity. He still held Kurt in his lap, but his arms had tightened, using Kurt as an emotional life raft as the revelations washed over them both.

 “Well, Lord Tubbington explained the situation to me last night when he told me to report to Carole, including what had happened to Kurt’s replacement boy-toy and how Creepers the Clown had used his persuasive voodoo to convince Kurt that Adam didn’t exist and he was meant to be with Blaine, until Kurt’s powers finally came in and he was able to fight back.  By the way, do you guys actually know what the space you call the Void is?”

 Four heads shook their denial.

 His whiskers twitched. “Figured.  Lord Tubbington is a powerful Familiar, a creature of great magic, but he has a lot of outdated habits.  It used to be considered very bad manners to share too much information with your charges. You were supposed to just be cool and secretive and only answer questions when your witch put them to you directly.  And you didn’t share with people other than your own Witch at all. Times have changed, but old attitudes die hard, and some of the geezers aren’t too open about giving information.”

 “I’ve noticed,” Kurt said wryly.

 An amused chuff sounded from the cat.  “Anyhow, one of those secrets is that there are pockets of empty space/time. Some buildings have been imbued with them for major spell-casting purposes, mostly because you can ward the spaces if you have enough power. Usually very old covens poured a lot of concentrated magic into building and maintaining those spaces, and sometimes you still come across remnants because that much power doesn’t just vanish. Dalton has a couple.”

“That funny corridor!  The one where time always seems to slow down as you’re walking through it, yet you come out the other end like no time passed at all,” Kurt said, sitting up straighter, eyes brightening as he finally received an answer to a long-ago mystery. “It’s supposed to be restricted, but Blaine took me through there as a short-cut the very first time I visited the school. I thought I was just imagining things!”

“Nope,” Sebastian said. “Definitely a time/space pocket. Just a weak one without much magic left. You must have been starting to manifest without knowing it if you could feel the effects. Most of them are naturally occurring and people never know they exist. The majority of witches couldn’t access them even if they did know, so the fact that you could is pretty impressive.”

“But you can detect them,” Adam clarified.

He looked smug.  “Of course. All cats, including Purebred Familiars, can see them, and use them to slip in and out of places unseen. It’s part of our nature. Shape-shifters and Teleporter witches can do it too, in very a limited way that never allows them to actually see the In-Between. What you call the Void. To them it’s an instantaneous change.  Apparently when Blaine’s sloppy attack technique, amped by Kurt’s massive stolen power, crossed with Adam trying to Transform at the same moment, Adam got pushed out of his body and into one of the In-Betweens; becoming trapped in a pocket between worlds. But his physical body still lived on this side, however limited its existence as wall-art may have been. That’s why he didn’t starve to death, or fade away entirely until you were able to help him come back.  If things had gone on that way for much longer, I don’t doubt that he would have.”

 Sebastian said all this calmly, like a teacher giving a history lesson. Then suddenly, he hopped down from Carole’s lap and went around the table. He stared up at Kurt with a long intense gaze. Kurt stared back, not sure what was happening but instinctively knowing not to break that stare. Then Sebastian dropped his head and bowed low.

  It looked just like any cat enjoying a good stretch, tail up, spine arched, except that his claws remained sheathed and he did not break eye contact.  

 Then the cat’s posture eased and he sat back down.  

 Feeling in his soul that he had just been paid a great compliment, and given a sign of intense respect from a creature who typically respected no one, Kurt nodded back. Still, he couldn’t resist asking, “Did you just give me an apology?”

 Sebastian turned his shoulder and nonchalantly began washing his paw, ignoring the question, and Kurt smiled, feeling that he had received his answer anyway.

 After a moment, the cat looked up at him and abruptly retook his human form, making Burt jump at the sudden switch right next to his elbow. He steadied his rattled coffee mug and shot the smirking young man a glare.

 “Sorry,” he said, not sounding as though he meant it at all. Then his face became serious. “Kurt, I’m not sure you realize just how much magical strength it took to not only locate the In-Between just by following Adam’s lifeline, but to actually enter that space and bring him back without dragging your physical form in and becoming lost with him. Lord Tubbington told me that your new coven anchored you to the physical world, but any other witch would have either been lost or killed. The fact that you went in and fetched him back, and didn’t so much as pass out is beyond amazing. Makes me even sorrier that I was passed over as your Familiar.”

 Kurt stood up, patting Adam on the shoulder as he moved closer to the person he was thinking less of an enemy with every passing moment. There was something very different about Sebastian now than when he had first arrived. Almost as if he had somehow grown up and matured in the space of a few minutes. He glanced at Carole and back at Sebastian, who gave him a very subtle nod. The two of them had emotionally bonded, and Carole’s natural warmth and calm were already influencing Sebastian, and Carole in turn appeared less anxious and more confident than she had been last night.  He wondered whether he and Elliott had similarly affected each other’s demeanor. He would have to ask one of his coven members who had known him both pre and post bonding.

 “That’s the second time you’ve said that. Did you really expect to bond with me? I didn’t even have real magic the first time we met, and frankly you were an asshole.  You badgered and demeaned me that day, and pretty much every other day until this one, and I couldn’t help snapping back. We’d have been like dynamite and matches as a bonded pair.”

 He tossed his hair with an arrogant flip. “I deserved a powerful witch, and you had enough Potential to be a magical atom bomb. It was a no-brainer that you’d need a good Familiar by your side.  Besides, what’s wrong with a good explosion?  Especially if it takes the form of releasing sexual tension.”  

 Sebastian hitched his eyebrows and Kurt laughed, especially as a spark of disapproval floated to him along his bond with Adam. “You really are just a big old alley-cat aren’t you, in spite of all your snobbish ways.”

 He was completely undisturbed by the comparison. “Being of two physical worlds has its advantages when it comes to hot guys. And you have become smokin’ hot since you’ve been at that music school.” He circled Kurt, eyes traveling up and down his form, letting go a slow wolf-whistle. “Sure you don’t want to trade up?”

 “Not possible,” Kurt said, giving Adam a loving look that instantly wiped the annoyed scowl off his handsome face. “Maybe if you’re a good boy, and check the attitude against Animagi, I’ll introduce you to my Familiar. Elliott is hot, smart, funny, gay, and currently single. I think he might even be up for a long distance relationship, given that he’s a Teleporter. But if you act like a snob and hurt his feelings, I will make you pay.”

  They glared at one another, then abruptly both Kurt and Sebastian grinned at each other as the last of the uncomfortable tension that had always existed between them finally dissipated.

 “I think these things must work out the way that they’re meant to,” Adam said with a smile, also relaxing.  “L.T. didn’t actually introduce Kurt and Elliott. Elliott felt his magic from hundreds of miles away and felt the need to come to New York and find Kurt.”

 Kurt nodded. “That’s true, though Brittany tells me that Tubbington did personally assess and approve Elliott when he felt my power beginning to gain strength.  El told me that Tubbington cornered him for a quick chat the day I learned I was gathering a coven, before anyone told me I had a Familiar, and pretty much gave him the third degree all over again. Besides Sebastian, you and I would never have worked out even if I hadn’t had Elliott. By the time I learned about magic, I was already way too uncomfortable around you to ever trust you the way I needed to.”

 Sebastian’s lips pressed together as he made a sour face. “I know, and I know that was my fault. What can I say, I was as much a kitten as you were back then, and I didn’t want to believe Lord Tubbington when he said that you’d need someone naturally mature. Someone young enough to kind of grow with you, but also unflappable, who could quickly help you find a calm and centered place whenever you got too emotional.”

 “That’s Elliott exactly,” Carole chimed in. “I’ve never met a more emotionally centered individual in all my life.”

 “And I’m guessing you needed a witch who was more experienced with life, if not magic. Someone who could benefit from your teaching and protection, but still be experienced enough as parents to not take any guff when you get dramatic or start acting like a bratty little shit,” Burt added, looking very satisfied when Kurt and Adam both nodded and Sebastian made a face that looked like he would be switching his tail if he had one in his current form.

 Kurt gave the petulant cat a friendly tap to one shoulder. “Don’t be offended. He speaks from the experience of getting me through adolescence.”

 For a moment, Sebastian appeared startled; then he reluctantly laughed. “I’ll bet you must have been all rainbow fashion and emo soul when you were a kid.”

 “Something like that,” he allowed. “My point is that you’re where you need to be, even if it took a few extra years to get here. And I’m starting to feel glad that you are.”

 “So am I,” Carole said, getting up from her chair and giving the startled looking young man a warm hug. “Welcome to our family, Sebastian.”

 After a moment, he hugged back. Hesitant at first, but then more firmly when she did not instantly let him go. For just a moment, before he remembered to cover it up with his usual haughty boredom, he looked happier than Kurt had ever seen him before. He looked at his fiancé and saw Adam smiling, also having caught the flicker of honest joy.

 A knock sounded at the door, and this time Kurt felt the welcome presences of his coven mates before he even reached it. He quickly lowered the wards that had been put in place to protect his parents – he would have to remember to key those to Carole and Sebastian before they received an unexpected surprise – and called out, “Door’s open!”

 Santana, Brittany, Tubbington, and Elliott, newly returned from New York, walked inside. “Hey, kid,” Tubbington greeted, punching Sebastian in the shoulder. “Do I know how to pick ‘em? I told you not to doubt me when I made you wait.”

 Sebastian bowed slightly. He was smirking, but it was obvious to everyone that he held the senior Familiar in high regard.  

 “Brittany and I stopped for coffee on the way over and we spotted Sam again,” Santana said, taking Kurt’s vacated chair. “Poor bastard, I’m not even sure he’d left that place since yesterday. Since the Lima Bean has become a 24 hour joint, it’s probably his home away from home. Wait, does he actually have a home these days, or is he back to living in a cardboard box somewhere?”

 In spite of her insensitive words, it was clear that Santana was genuinely worried for their old friend.

 “He does now,” Burt said determinedly. He rose from his chair, taking a last sip of coffee and then grabbed his favorite cap from the rack in the hallway, settling it firmly on his head like a soldier putting on his battle uniform. He moved to give Kurt a firm embrace, then did the same with Adam. “I know you’ll have gone home by the time we get back, but I’m gonna go down to the Bean and fetch that poor kid home. He’s not spending another night out in the cold if I have anything to say about it.”

 Kurt smiled proudly. “My room is all fixed up for him. We changed the linens this morning and I still have some of my old clothes here if he needs them. Tell Sam that I don’t hold any ill will toward him for Blaine, and that I hope he’ll feel well enough to come to my wedding next month.”

 “I second that,” Adam said. “I only met the poor sod briefly yesterday, but I’ve rarely seen anyone who looked more in need of some real friends.”

 Burt looked proud enough to pop. “I’ll tell him. You boys have a good trip home, and keep us up to date on what’s going on in your lives. I want to hear about everything, you got me?”

 Knowing that Burt was reminding him of his promise to be less secretive about both the good and bad things in his life, Kurt nodded and hugged him again. “Count on it.”

 Burt gave his wife’s hand a squeeze and marched off on his mission. Seeing that the others looked ready to go as well, Carole came to hug everyone goodbye, assuring them that she and Sebastian would be fine here alone. “It will give us some time to get to know one another,” she said with a smile. “I really know nothing about Sebastian other than what Finn used to tell me, and frankly I think his opinion was a bit biased by the rivalry between your choirs, and by Sebastian’s friendship with Blaine.”

 Something flickered in Sebastian’s eyes at that, but was quickly shuttered behind a smile. “Well, that phase of poor judgment is long over, so getting to know each other should be fun. You can tell me more about your family, and I’ll tell you all about my adoptive father, the non-magical State’s Attorney, who had to deal with adopting a little kitten who unexpectedly turned into a human toddler just six months later and almost gave him heart failure.”

 Everyone laughed and agreed that they’d like to hear that story one day too. Kurt hugged his step-mother firmly, then shook hands with Sebastian. “I think you and I should get together and chat about a few things at some point too,” he said quietly. He was still thinking about that strange quickly-covered reaction to Carole’s mention of Finn. “Now that we’re getting along so well, I have a few questions.”

 There it was again, that strange flicker. Sebastian smiled brightly for the benefit of those watching. “Definitely. It’ll be good to talk about old times, and I make a hell of a spy so I’ll keep an eye on Blaine for you.”

 He nodded, knowing that was all he was going to get for now. “Sounds good, and feel free to consider yourself invited to the wedding along with the others.”

 “Thanks, maybe I will. I’d like to meet this best-of-New York coven of yours. So far I definitely approve!”  He gave Elliott an assessing look, clearly finding his disdain for Animagus Familiars weakening at the sight of the 6’4” tattooed hunk in the tight jeans and attractively draped purple plaid shirt over a black band tshirt.

 Elliott stood smiling a few feet away as he talked quietly with Brittany and Tubbington, but he looked up as he felt himself being stared at. He grinned and took a frank sweep of Sebastian in turn, noting his pressed khaki pants, green button-down shirt, and the casual brown suede jacket that undoubtedly cost more than his entire outfit. “It’s a great city. You should come,” he agreed, sharp ears having picked up their conversation.

 Sebastian’s sly smile became even more so. “Thanks, I’d love to.”

 The innuendo was clear and Elliott’s cheeks went a little pink, but he did not back down. “I’ll take you exploring.”

 “Not if I take you first.”

 “And it’s time for us to get going!” Kurt said loudly. “Everyone finish saying goodbye.”

 One last round of hugs, and a speedy exchange of phone numbers between Familiars, and Elliott and Kurt whisked their way back to the loft, followed quickly by Santana, Brittany, L.T., and Adam. Adam was still chuckling to himself over the flirty exchange he had witnessed.

 “Elliott, mate, you’re going to have your hands full with that one. So are Carole and Burt.”

 Elliott just grinned at him, clearly okay with that kind of challenge.  Kurt shook his head, but he too was smiling.  “I think they can handle him.  Did you see the way he backed down when my dad called him out? I have a feeling he’s on a pretty strict probation period with Dad right now. And now that we’re out of their way, Carole is probably already fussing over him for being too skinny.” He snorted a little. “And he’s going to have to deal with sharing their attention with Sam. I don’t know why, but I actually feel a little sorry for Sebastian.”

 “I don’t,” Adam said happily, flopping down on the sofa with a deeply contented sigh. He had not said anything today, but it was clear that he had been tense at being away from home, even in the safe space of Burt and Carole’s cozy house. He was already more relaxed just being in familiar surroundings. “He sounded like a rich, spoiled rotten, little sod. The condescending sort who considers anyone not in his elevated social circle to be inferior. He could do with a dose of plain folks with good common sense. And if he was trained by our Tubbington, he’s undoubtedly a more than capable companion for Carole.”

 “Thanks, kid,” L.T. said, helping himself to a bowl of popcorn someone had left sitting on the table. He gestured to Elliott. “What did you think of him?”

 He smiled and ran a hand through his gel-heightened blue and black hair. “Smart, arrogant . . . hot.”

 L.T. raised his eyes toward the ceiling. “Ugh. Kittens with hormones. I might have known. I’m gonna catch a nap. Wake me when lunch is ready.” With that, he transformed into his cat self and curled up on a handy sofa pillow, asleep before anyone could even think to respond.

 Elliott just shrugged and grinned, wandering toward the kitchen where Dani, Monica, and Johnny were currently in conference with Brittany and Santana, getting the low-down on their visit to Lima. Elliott had returned last night to fill them in on everything that was happening with Kurt and Adam, and while it was clear from all the glances being shot their way that the others were anxious to speak with them both, they were kindly keeping their distance and giving the couple a few minutes undisturbed, in case Adam needed to get his bearings again.  

 Kurt could not have loved them more.  A lot had happened in the past 24 hours, more than he could truly process at this moment, but with the wind still howling and snow still swirling outside, he did not feel that it would hurt anything to put off sifting through it all for a while.  

 Dropping down next to Adam, Kurt snuggled in close, wrapping an arm around his ribs and sighing with utter contentment. They both had a lot to do, a great deal to think and talk about, and many plans to make. But not right now. Working with both his coven and Troy yesterday morning, followed by a night filled with both passion and mutual comfort with Adam, had helped Kurt feel that he was making real progress towards becoming the witch that everyone else felt he could be. It also felt reassuring that they had all taken baby steps towards assessing the damage Blaine had been causing in Lima, and eventually freeing his old home town from the scourge that his ex had become.

  Getting a reliable (he hoped) magical companion for Carole only increased that feeling. It was so good to know that his parents were safe, and that the woman he had come to love almost as much as his own mother was in good hands with her developing magic, and that his dad was prepared to help and support all of them in whatever way he could.  

 Tomorrow would be time enough to return to the real world and all of its joys and problems. For now, Kurt just wanted a little time to rest, and to really feel how grateful he was to have all of these wonderful people to call his own.  

  THE END

[viralhottopics]

Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February

Read more: http://ift.tt/2jr2JjQ

from Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’