#I guess I have an answer now
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met
#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the#Epic!Odysseus: you’d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men#E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER#H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too#H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens#H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour#E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly#H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST#E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S#H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS#E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY#Epic the musical#Epic odysseus#The odyssey#odysseus#Homer#Greek mythology#Jorge rivera-herrans#nuclear war speaks
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
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Hi! Sorry to bother, but could you please tell me why you refer to Little Apple as her? When I looked up the wiki page, they used the it pronoun, and novel translations into my native tongue all use male pronoun. Is it audio-drama exclusive or something? P.S. I really love your art and appreciate you sharing it here! <3
Never ask a donkey her pronouns.
#ask#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#little apple#transgender#Real answer is that as far as I am aware the audio drama refers to little apple with feminine terms.#but it could also be a mandela effect.#In general if you notice me doing something that isn't mdzs canon it is safe to assume it is:#1) An ongoing bit I made to be funny 2) Something from the audio drama version 3) My brain messing up details.#Little apple transbian lore starts now I guess? I think Pio of Piosplayhouse would have more to say about this.#Thank you for your support question asker- I hope you know I am only gently teasing you here.#I typically answer questions like this privately but I can't pass up drawing more little apple <3
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not sure if you've given them canon scents, but i've found myself imagining how your dog boys smell since i tend to like,, assign scents to characters/art i really enjoy (my nose is very sensitive, haha) so in my head, i think that machete smells a bit like flour ... and freshly washed laundry. his scent is distinct but not overpowering at all--its subtle, and typically goes unnoticed. as for vasco? he smells like cashmere :)
Flour boy...
I'd say these are good headcanons! I'm also kind of scent oriented irl so I know what you mean, and I've thought about what my characters might smell like.
Machete smells mostly of frankincense, which is one of the key ingredients of the incense burned in catholic churches during worship. It's hard to describe but I'd call it sweet, resinous, woody, citrusy and smoky. He doesn't wear perfume in the canon setting but the sacred smoke clings to his fur and clothes for a long while. Other than that, there may be a fleeting trace of lignin and ink from the endless stacks of books and papers he surrounds himself with, mild soap, and the lingering evidence of any medical treatments he's been recently put through, even if he tries his best to scrub those away.
Vasco smells primarily clean but distinctly alive and organic, if that makes sense. Like a well-rounded mix of earth, sun-warmed animal fur and carefully oiled leather from his boots and riding gear. Horse aromas are never too far away, especially when he's off-duty and outdoors. You may able to detect the subtle fragrance of his expensive soap, and he's been known to add in a drop of perfume when he's dressed to impress, his preferred notes being iris root and damask rose.
In modern au, both wear scents on occasion. I could say Machete's routine choices might be Etat Libre d'Orange's Rien and Heeley's Cardinal. Vasco fancies Tom Ford's Tuscan Leather and ELDO's Tom of Finland.
#answered#anonymous#Vaschete lore#I'll never be able to afford a full bottle of tuscan leather#it's exceedingly nice but so far out of my reach I'm not even that mad#but Vasco has deeper pockets than I do#I don't think I've ever smelled cashmere now that I think about it?#do the garments made of it have a specific smell?#I guess they could since you can smell wool pretty easily
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I love Jar of Mice! I've never seen creature designs like Thrones before.
You mention Ibis tissue in some of the posts, and I read the old post about it - has the lore changed since then? Does it have anything to do with the bones of God at Godtomb?
I'm very flattered! I don't think of Thrones as particularly creative but I suppose that's because I know all the ingredients for them... Actually let me take this post as an excuse to go into them a bit!
I extremely enjoy taurs and human "hybrid" style creatures like sphinxes a massive amount, but there are a ton of artists who's particular styles and sensibilities have inspired me. Coming to mind off the top of my head are artists on social media like Bwusagi, Suzumori521, Deerchip, Theveryworstthing, iliothermia, and definitely more...
I tend to collect a lot of art of centaurs, sphinxes, harpies, and dragons that catches my fancy, here's some of it:
(An Islamic depiction of Sagittarius, Salome Sphinx by Nicholas Kalmakoff, ????, Nagas by Rabi Behera, Şahmaran)
Edit: forgot the Lamassu, which is a more specific inspiration than any of the things above or below.
Jim Woodring is one of my inspirations for Thrones that people tend to clock, and they're correct. It's probably the colors, patterns, eyes, shapes.....
Oh and.
Her.
And for the second question, yes! The tissue was once on the bones, although the Ibis tissue used in the temples for the creation of dagnyds is much more equivalent to a cell culture than anything at this point. It's desire to grow and take form is the creative force that humans have harnessed to create dagnyds..... for better or worse.
I don't have any art of it i'm happy with, but here's some several year old pixel art of an Oracle Computer, which is filled with the stuff. Honestly though, I don't think "black goo" is very compelling or visually interesting considering what the stuff actually is. It needs work.
Everything always needs work...
#My art doesn't hold a candle to any of this tbh and i don't want to @ anyone and be annoying#Looking through the insp folder for JOM and its like...#pokemon minoan frescos manga medieval Islamic paintings moebius dinotopia historical costumes a picture of a bug... and so on...#i particularly like medieval things that veer into being very surreal combinations of anatomy#you'd be amazed what you can achieve by covering something in polka dots#looking at my pixel art from several years ago and being like damn this is quite good still#i could probably do better now... i want to get back to it#also i have not read dungeon meshi btw i just saw that art above like 2 years ago and was like holy shit that fucks#answering#jar of mice#misc#flattered ppl think thrones are unique i guess they're just a thorough enough blend of a large enough number of things that they don't come#across as derivative
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guys. Jayce promised viktor he would destroy the hexcore. Then he didn’t and the hexcore fused itself with Viktor to save his life. Viktor left and Jayce got absorbed by the arcane. He saw things. And then he understood that Viktor was right. The hexcore had to be destroyed. Only this time the hexcore…is Viktor.
He did not fail.
#at least this is how i understand it!!!!!#we just don’t know WHAT he saw in the arcane that made him change his mind like that…..#also it was obvious Jayce wasn’t fully in control of himself somehow?? but thats why i think the show is withholding stuff from us for now#i was really expecting act 2 to explain what happened to jayce ekko and heimer in the void/arcane but i guess they have other plans….#im lost and confused and im gonna say a little disappointed but honestly we just have to be patient#answers will come in act 3!! they know what theyre doing#arcane#arcane spoilers#jayce talis
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Average Bendy enjoyer experience right now.
#a bit late but yeah#batim fans how are we feeling right now#was drowning under work when I heard about the movie so merry christmas to me I guess#AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU WHO CELEBRATE IT#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#bendy movie#also people who sent me asks DON’T LOSE HOPE I’m still answering it when I have more free time <3
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I WANT ENDLESS BLISS!!!
HALF-AWAKE, HALF-DEAD, HALF-LIFE CRISIS
ALL NATURAL POMEGRANATE PULP.
FERMENTED TO PERFECTION, SAVOUR YOUR SAVIOR.
Q: What's your favourite food? A: THE ALE THEY SERVE AT THE TAVERN!
other versions : )
#uhhhh happy pride month have a fucked up chilchuck that im really proud of#i took so long on that hair rendering just so i could cover it up with the stars...#this was a reaaaally experimental one#if i had another go at this id change a lot of things but sometimes you gotta know when to stop#ive learned my lesson from this one so ill do another one with my knowledge now ykyk#ive discovered i reaaaallly reaaaaaally like thin lines#still figuring out how rendering + painting works but hey it was a nice attempt!!#this is my first finished peice in a looongggg loooooongggg time and it makes me really happy how well it came out#i guess switching things up really helped with things.. i usually get stuck at flat colors because i get so bored#cw alcohol#cw alcoholism#eyestrain#<- maybe? its really saturated#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#by the way i always thought him saying “ale” as an answer to “favourite food” was odd#maybe its a translation thing where theres a japanese wprd that covers both food and drink and the translator just estimated it to “food”?#cause if its not... sir??? chilchuck thats not a food... my man... you have a problem...#this is#[ tragedy au ]#but honestly you could take it as set in canon#by the way do you like my little poem : ) im pspspsps-ing at the dungeon meshi fandom/fandom in general to write more poetry/short lit#maybe ill tweek it and post the poem on ao3.... shrug !
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Gimme that GOOD shit girlie 💅✨ (Starstruck x Galacta knight)
✧˖°. give up what you love, before it does you in .°˖✧
#my art#🎀💖#🎀🔍#cw flashing#cw eyestrain#everybody say thank you elias for having the guts to shoot this sniper shot into my inbox 0.2 seconds after i announced the shipaganza#genuinely shocked that no one else sent this in bc i have been Called Out On This One by many folks so i'm guessing it's no surprise!#ANYWAY......#e.......enjoy.#despite the fact that this was the first prompt i received it took me a long time to respond to it bc i needed to do it Right#i drafted many ideas and even struck out on several completed comics that i did then decided were Not For Right Now#i feel like i did pretty good in the end? i have the still images as well and i might post those separate later!#thank you to this album for coming to my rescue. perfect lyrics in this track and even more so in another. you can probably guess#will anybody notice if i don't answer the regular question... will anyone notice. can i slide this under the radar? let's find out.#galacta knight#starstruck dee
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a compilation of recent PLE:AD AU-related drawings. sorted by oldest to latest
#ple:ad au#object show au#object show community#hfjone#bfdi#bfb#inanimate insanity#ava ledger#airy hfjone#david bfdi#dora bfdi#golf ball bfdi#basketball bfdi#test tube ii#i was actually planning on putting the first 2 images in it's own post but#i dunno i think bundling everything recent into one post would be better i guess#also yes i KNOW i forgot the 'b' in 'remember' if ur even gonna mention it...grr...#also i still need to figure out what David & Dora are gonna look like in PLE:AD AU#y'know(rhetorical) with the whole humanization logic in this AU & such#i had just drawn the last image right now. i think the background fade makes it look pretty cool#also !! if you have any questions for more context about any of the drawings u can ask me !! i will do the answering
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i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun
hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-
parker: i dont know
hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?
parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?
eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?
parker: that’s what i said!
hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now
sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?
hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.
sophie: …….july 12th
hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?
sophie: ………… (guilty silence)
parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison
hardison:
hardison: what the fuck guys
#leverageposting#wren speaks#leverage#parker leverage#alec hardison#nate knows his birthday i guess so i didn’t include him. if he was watching the whole time he would probably say ‘idk’ to mess w hardison#they’re having this convo in nate’s apartment but it’s like 3am & he’s asleep & they’ve all broken in to hang out#parker doesn’t know either bc of her ridiculously neglectful foster parents or bc she’s parker & her priorities are simply different to most#people. her birthday is irrelevant to thievery. and sadly probably not related to fun happy memories anyway.#sophie obviously is a good enough grifter to answer confidently but she feels a little bad abt lying to her family by now#meanwhile hardison had a normal foster nana who would have known his bday. most kids aren’t safe-surrendered like eliot so assumably#hardison would have a known bday. and he likes birthdays!#and he wants to throw parker a little party even if it’s a very unconventional parker bday that involves rappelling & jumping off buildings#but he is once again thwarted by the leverage team members having the strangest possible lives#he IS gonna give them each birthday parties tho. even if he has to make up some dates & stuff#sophie’s can be the fake date she gives if that’s what she rlly wants. nate’s real birthday is on file somewhere even if he’s being annoying#rn so hardison just has to do some basic hacking. eliot would have an approximate bday such as the day he was surrendered that his parents#would have celebrated throughout childhood. and parker’s would be april 1st bc that’s alice whites bday (and YOURE ALICE!!!)#as in it’s canonically in the online info abt alice white shown in the juror no.6 job & obvs that’s april fools so it’s funny :)#and hardison has a NORMAL bday unlike SOME ppl and yes he DOES expect presents you heathens!!
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New key visual!! 🎉🎉
Premiering on OCTOBER 8TH!! 🎉🎉
For 2 consecutive cours!! (24 eps)
🎉🎉
Full voice cast has also been revealed:
Abe Haruaki: Ryouta Oosaka
Sano Mikoto: Ryouta Suzuki
Maizuka Mamekichi: Reo Tanie
Hijita Koutarou: Taito Ban
Zashiki Beniko: Akari Kitou
Nyuudou Rensuke: Akira Takano
Utagawa Kuniko: Hana Ayasaka
Akisame Tamao: Yuki Sakakihara
Yanagida: Tomokazu Sugita
Mujina Yakumo: Takao Mitsutomi
Fuji Touya: Saku Hyuga
Renjou Yuri: Nanako Mori
Miki Rintarou: Shun Horie
Hatanaka Izuna: Ryouta Iwasaki
Principal: Jun Fukuyama
Takahashi Akira: Shouta Aoi
Yamazaki Makoto: Tomoaki Maeno
Marshmallow: Chitose Morinaga
Little man: Tetsuya Yanagihara
#youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita#a terrified teacher at ghoul school#yohaji#anime news#WAHOOO 2 COURSSSSS (PUNCHES HOLE THROUGH LAPTOP)#canada ramble time:#now u may wonder. why do i go surname-given name for characters but given name-surname for real people#i guess its bc theres precendent for the real ppl for it to be that way??? like on wikipedia and on the news and stuff#real answer im just a indecisive little bitch#morinaga chitose congrats on being the one returning va from the drama cd!! and being promoted from regular mandragora to marshmallow lmao#ALSO SHES A TAKAHASHI GIRLIE SHES SO FUCKING REAL. SHE GOES TO THE POP UP STORES FOR TAKAHASHI MERCH#fujis va does crossdressing (or like androgynous-dressing) thats so cute........u gotta check out his instagram#renrens va: (talking abt how reliable renren is)... but even he has a lot going on... i was shocked when i read it in the manga... (ehehe)#also u may be wondering why ive been radio silent. its bc whenever i think abt translating the va comments i immediately pass out#and then i wake up and find out 3 new va comments have been released and then i pass out again
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subby Halsin weeping about wanting to be a good boy for Tav that Tav stops their play to check in with Halsin. It ends with them cuddling and Tav stroking Halsin’s hair.
“You’ll always be my good boy. You’re a good man, Halsin. Don’t ever forget it.”
Yessss
I love sex being paused or just completely stopped in favor of other forms of intimacy, especially when it comes to dealing with angst
Also just loving the idea of Halsin getting himself worked up over being a good sub because it’s never expected of him to be a sub to begin with, he may have some experience but far less in that regard, and honestly it was probably sex for the sake of sex and not a relationship - not someone he was likely to return to and whose opinion didn’t matter much (and how many of those doms were simply wanting to say they dominated such a large man)
So now with Tav he wants to actually be good for them, augh
Supposed to sub to turn his brain off but he ends up overthinking instead
He needs so many hugs and kisses
#asksksfkslf thank you anon#having many thoughts#again#halsin#my ace is showing lmao#answering asks#since I’m getting some of those now I should start tagging I guess lol#sub!halsin
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I salivate at the thought of skinning you alive
oh good, I thought I'd been left out. [for context to the reader, this is a reference to this post (I hope)]
On the spectrum from crocodile to passerine, I can only hope that human would be closer to crocodile, but not so close to be quite as tiring.
#I skinned a crocodile recently#actually just part of a crocodile#and it was exhausting#fascinating and extremely cool#but really a lot of work#the osteoderm make the back REALLY inflexible#so pulling it back takes a lot of strength#huge respect to the people who do that for a living#on the other hand#trying to skin a passerine is like trying to hammer in a nail with tissue paper#you just look at the damn thing and the skin rips#I have no idea how people make titmouse taxidermies#I have pretty good fine motor control#but I am not cut out to be a taxidermist#cw skinning#I guess?#let me know if this needs other warnings#I can't think of any right now#tag ramble#answers by Mark#Anon#Anonymous
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