#I felt so guilty about the slow updates

[chodzacaparodia]

I just finished the last chapter of my fic that I've been working on for over a year.

Is this how a mother feels when her child has grown up and left home?

[raysrays]

Crimson Guardian Part2 NSFW

Please check out Part One

Kyojuro Rengoku x Wife! Reader

18+ MDNI!🚫

CW: NSFW Content, minor angst, controlling/manipulating behavior, fluff-ish.

Y/N POV

Scenario: Once you agree to Kyojuro's request, you gather with Kagaya and the other Hashira to share your decision to retire early. But as you spend time with Kyojuro, you start noticing some changes in his behavior. You can't help but wonder, did you make a big mistake? He's your husband, after all. Surely, he wouldn't try to control or manipulate you. Maybe he's just worried about your safety and wants the best for you, right?

- Two Endings

A month had passed since I laid down my sword for the last time. I've spent my time at the Rengoku Estate as I had anticipated, assisting Senjuro with chores and cooking, while striving to earn Shinjuro's favor.

However, it all felt sluggish my days stretched out, feeling so unproductive.

Kyojuro was called on a mission far away, and he's been gone for almost two weeks now. I find myself overcome with loneliness, feeling hollow inside.

When I wasn't busy helping Senjuro, I often took walks and started getting into reading, though lately, I've found myself drawn to books on swordsmanship and battle techniques. It might seem pointless now, but it's all I have to occupy my mind.

Many times, I caught myself pacing around the estate, practicing fighting stances or swinging an imaginary sword, earning some strange looks from anyone nearby.

But I couldn't bring myself to share any of this with Kyojuro. I wanted him to believe I had moved on from being a demon slayer. Instead, I painted a picture of focusing on myself and preparing for the prospect of starting a family.

I've been writing to him almost every day since he left, keeping him updated on what's been happening back home and just checking in on him.

He says his mission has been successful so far, and he should be home very soon, which is good news. It's difficult to fully embrace retirement when the person you did it for isn't even here to enjoy it with you.

.

.

Today has been particularly slow. All I've done is help water the plants outside and dive deeper into my books. Shinjuro has been in his room, drinking, while Senjuro has been practicing his writing inside. And here I am, sitting under this same tree, reading the same book on breathing techniques for the past three hours...

However, my entire mood shifted the moment I heard the cawing of a crow announcing Kyojuro's return from his mission. He was finally home.

I could feel the excitement as I watched him walk through the gates of the estate, his big, bright eyes and fiery hair a welcome sight.

It didn't take long for him to spot me, as he quickly ran up and grabbed me, spinning me around in his arms.

"I've missed you so much, my little flame!" His booming voice was a comforting sound to hear in this moment.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as he held me.

"I missed you so much, Kyo." It didn't take long for that hollow feeling I had earlier to finally disappear.

After he finally put me down, he pulled away to get a better look at me, scanning me up and down with his usual happy smile.

"You look so beautiful, my dear. Retirement seems to be treating you well already!"

"Oh, do you really think so?"

"Of course, sunflower. It's good to finally see you dressed casually and enjoying yourself at home. One of the main reasons my mission was such a success was because I wasn't worried about you. I knew you would be here waiting for me when I returned. I knew you would be safe."

I almost felt guilty. Since he left, I've been so bored out of my mind, stuck here at the estate, but if it’s really helping by keeping his mind at ease while he’s away I guess I don’t mind.

"How are you doing, my love? I know writing in letters can only reveal so much. Are you really okay?"

His voice softened, and his smile grew gentler. My heart raced at the sound. No matter how much time passed, I was still as in love and attracted to Kyojuro as I was the first time we met.

"Yes, I'm doing great. Senjuro and I have been quite productive lately. We even discussed setting up a small vegetable garden in the yard to reduce our trips to the village market." I forced a happy smile onto my face.

"That's wonderful news! I'm so happy you're finally making this old place your own." He then pulled me into another hug, burying me in his chest.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth—that I was bored and missed the core and all my comrades and friends. They had all become so busy with work that I went from seeing them every day to never at all, so quickly.

As I relaxed into his embrace, I felt his body tense slightly. He pulled away from me slowly, his expression puzzled.

"Sunflower... what is it you're reading?"

I glanced behind me to see my book still lying on the ground, its cover exposed. It was just a book, surely not that significant.

"Oh, that's just an old breathing technique book I found in the study room. I thought it looked the most interesting out of the available options."

He looked at me for a moment, then took my hands in his, holding them tightly.

"My love, if you had told me you wanted to read, I would have gladly bought you as many books as you wanted. You don't need to waste your time sitting and reading about attacks and breathing techniques anymore." His voice was filled with concern.

Little did he know, I chose this book specifically to occupy my mind. If I couldn't fight anymore, the least I could do was read about it.

"That's sweet of you, Kyo, but honestly, I don't mind."

His smile returned somewhat, and he moved his hands to hold my shoulders, gently leading me back to the main part of the estate.

"Let's get you inside, my love. I'll tell you all about my mission!"

I allowed him to guide me back, passing Senjuro on the way.

"Go ahead, little flame. I need to have a word with Senjuro."

I observe as he starts walking toward his younger brother; they engage in conversation, and I begin to make my way indoors.

Despite my initial intention to leave, a strange hesitation washes over me. I linger by the doorframe, eavesdropping on their discussion.

Senjuro's voice reaches me first. "Welcome home, brother. How was your mission?"

"It went smoothly. I'm relieved to be back," he responds, pausing briefly.

"Senjuro, how's Y/N? Have you noticed anything unusual about her lately?" My ears perk up at the mention of my name.

"Y/N? She seems fine, I suppose. She's been quite helpful with chores around here," Senjuro replies.

"I see. Have you noticed her reading more?" he probes further.

"I think so. Though I'm not sure what she's been reading," Senjuro admits.

"I see. Please, keep an eye on her for me, Senjuro. I'm concerned," Kyojuro says, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Concerned about her reading?" Senjuro's confusion is evident.

"No, just in general."

With that, I turned away from the door, deciding it was best to stop listening in.

Why would Kyojuro worry about me? I'm safe at home, just like he wanted. Wasn't that the whole point of being here? To ease his mind?

I can feel a mix of frustration brewing inside me, and I'm not sure if it's aimed at Kyojuro or myself. I've always prided myself on my swordsmanship, setting high goals and pushing myself hard to protect others and find purpose.

But now, I can't even enjoy reading a book about what I love without making my husband worry.

I step into the kitchen, ready to get a head start on preparing dinner. Gathering the cooking utensils and spices, I realize all that's left is to chop some of the vegetables.

As I rinse them off, I notice we're short on a few key ingredients.

My garden plans with Senjuro would have been perfect right now. Looks like I'll have to make another trip to the market.

Letting out a small sigh, I tidy up and head towards the door to slip on my shoes. Honestly, I could use some fresh air. I feel guilty leaving knowing Kyojuro just got here, but I think he’d much rather dinner be super good than complain about me stepping out.

I had a stranger Lingering feeling. There's something about his smile that feels off, like there's a hidden pressure behind it. Why?

As I'm slipping on my shoes, I sense someone standing over me.

"Where are you off to, sunflower?" Kyojuro inquires.

"Just getting a head start on dinner and realized we're missing a few things. I was about to run to the market," I reply.

"Hurry back to me, my love. You know I don't like it when you're away." His warm smile could melt anyone's heart.

He plants a kiss on my cheek before heading back into the other room.

As much as I adore him and miss him, I need just a moment alone to think right now.

As I make my way to the village, I pick up some vegetables, meat, and a few other things we need for the estate. On my way back, I spot Tengen and his wives. They seem to notice me too, especially Makio, who starts waving enthusiastically in my direction.

I walk over to them, feeling happy to finally see some familiar faces. It feels like it's been ages since we last caught up.

“Y/N, it's good to see you," Tengen greets warmly.

“How have you been? We haven’t seen you in forever!” Makio cries out excitedly.

"I've been well, how are all of you?"

"We've been doing just great," he responds.

"How's, uh, retirement?" Hina asks with a half smile.

"Oh, retirement has been... great," I reply, attempting to sound convincing, though I'm not entirely sure I believe it myself.

Tengen lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Sorry, but it's just so hard to believe. You had one of the flashiest breathing styles and trained almost every day, only to retire before becoming a Hashira. I just always thought you were too stubborn to quit so early.”

Hina shoots him a quick glare.

But it's all true; Tengen and his wives have been around since before the beginning of my and Kyojuro’s relationship, training with us, going on missions, and even just hanging out together casually.

They exchange silent glances for a moment and I notice Tengen’s expression change into a more serious one.

"Y/N, Kyojuro is one of my closest friends, and it's really not my place, but... do you think maybe you decided all that just a tad too quickly?" Tengen sounds more sincere this time.

"I mean, you were on your way to becoming a Hashira yourself," Suma adds.

Taking a deep breath, I realize they're right, but I already knew that. I wasn’t the one they should be lecturing in this scenario. I never wanted to retire; I just wanted to make Kyojuro happy.

"I promise. This is a decision I've made. I want to settle down and start a family with Kyo. I wouldn’t want to risk going out on a mission and dying before having that opportunity," I assert.

Though they still seem unconvinced, Tengen puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Kyojuro's a lucky man to have someone who cares about him so much. However, I think you should stay in tune with your training for now.”

“You are still so young, Y/N! It’s always possible that once you have children, you could potentially want to come out of retirement. Maybe be a trainer for young slayers!” Makio adds with a hopeful tone.

Suddenly, my spirits lift. They were right. Just because I retire now doesn’t mean I can’t come out of retirement in a few years. As long as I keep training at home, I should be fine!

“I suppose you are all right. I will definitely keep training. I’m sure Kyo will think that’s a great idea.”

“That’s the spirit. I’m glad we got to run into you,” Tengen says with his usual smile.

“I’m glad I got to see all of you. I promise I’ll try to make an effort to come around more.”

“That sounds perfect,” Hina exclaimed.

After we exchange our goodbyes, I watch them walk off together, smiling and talking.

A wave of realization and relief washes over me. Maybe retirement didn’t have to be as bad as I was making it out to be.

.

.

Upon finally arriving back at the estate, I walked up to the entrance with a smile on my face.

I recalled there was a book in the study that taught some solo hand-to-hand combat techniques, perfect for practicing alone. I made a mental note to pick it up once I returned and start reading it after dinner.

As I entered, Senjuro greeted me with a warm smile.

“Welcome back, Y/N. I’ll finish up dinner since you went out of your way to get everything,” he offered kindly.

“Oh, you don’t have to do all that. I don’t mind,” I replied.

“I insist. You haven’t seen my brother for a while now, and I think he could use your company,” he chuckled nervously.

I hesitated for a second.

“Okay, only if you're sure,” I said, handing over the basket of food and supplies I had bought from the market.

He headed off to the kitchen, leaving me in the entryway, so I decided to make my way to our bedroom, shared by Kyojuro and me.

As I entered, I noticed he had changed out of his uniform into his more casual attire.

He looked at me with a kind smile on his face.

“I see you made it back safely,” he said, walking over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

He buried his face into the side of my neck, kissing it softly.

I felt myself shiver at his touch. He seemed so gentle and loving right now. I had truly missed him so much these past few weeks.

I gently ran my fingers through his fiery hair as I spoke, "I ran into Tengen and his wives at the market."

He pulled away slightly to look at me, his arms still wrapped around my waist.

"Really? Were they happy to see you?" he asked with a big smile.

"Yes, they were. We hadn't realized it had been so long since we all saw each other."

Kyojuro appeared to be deep in thought. "I suppose you're right. It has been a while since all of us got together. I should arrange for us to have dinner sometime!" he exclaimed happily.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes, I think that would be lovely."

"What else did you all talk about? You were gone for quite some time," he inquired.

I debated telling him about their suggestion that I should consider keeping up with training and possibly coming out of retirement, but ultimately decided against it.

"Tengen was just telling me about a mission he had gone on recently. Nothing too crazy," I replied.

Kyojuro seemed satisfied with this answer. Why would I lie? I've never had any reason to lie to him before.

"That's great, sunflower. I'm happy you finally got to see some company. You seem so happy!" he remarked, his affection evident in his tone.

We lingered in each other's embrace for a few more moments until Senjuro's voice rang out, announcing that dinner was ready.

Hand in hand, we made our way to the table. Upon arrival, we found Senjuro had already set the table and prepared everything. Surprisingly, Shinjuro was already seated, wearing his usual drunken scowl, but he remained mostly silent.

As we ate, Kyojuro attempted to share details about his recent mission with his father, but received only silence and grunts in response. Despite years of trying, it seemed Kyojuro still sought his father's approval.

It felt kind of pointless to expect anything from Shinjuro. Even though I ended up spending more time with him than with Kyojuro lately, I just kept my distance. Honestly, I think he might even appreciate it.

After a few minutes of listening to Kyojuro, Shinjuro got up and was the first to leave the table, retreating to his room.

Though Kyojuro seemed disappointed, he maintained his neutral smile as he also began to wrap up his meal.

Once we had all finished eating, I stood up to collect the dishes for washing and putting away. However, Senjuro insisted on taking care of everything himself.

Feeling a bit defeated, I abandoned the task and decided to head to the study to grab that training book.

However, upon arrival, I was met with an unsettling sight. All the books were gone, every shelf completely empty...

As I made my way back to my room, confusion swirled within me like never before.

Upon entering, I found Kyojuro already preparing for sleep. His eyes brightened at the sight of me, and he gestured for me to join him under the covers of the futon.

Crawling in beside him, he enveloped me in his arms, pulling me close. With my head against his chest, I felt a sense of comfort wash over me.

"Kyojuro," I speak up.

"What is it, little flame?" He asks planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"What happened to all the books in the study?"

I sense a slight tension in his body at the question.

"I'm not sure, my love. Perhaps father had them moved. I'll make sure to get you some new books soon," he reassures me.

I stay silent, convinced by his explanation. What other reason could there be? Surely, Kyojuro doesn't attach much importance to old books collecting dust for years.

As I lay nestled in Kyo's arms, I feel the weight of exhaustion settling in. His breathing slows, It won't be long before sleep overtakes us both.

.

.

A week had passed, and the books still hadn't reappeared. I'd given up on getting a response out of Shinjuro. And it seemed that Senjuro wasn't even aware of their disappearance, which was even stranger.

So here I was again, under the same tree, rereading the same book for the third time.

Despite this, it was a beautiful day. The sky was bright and the air was refreshing. It would have been a shame not to enjoy it.

With Kyojuro gone early this morning for a hashira meeting, it's just me now, left to ponder my thoughts. I can't help but recall what Tengen and his wives said about keeping up with training.

Honestly, with my doting husband always around, their advice slipped my mind. But now, with some time to myself, I figure it's a good opportunity to get some practice in.

I don't have the exact combat training books I'd like, but I'll make do with what I remember from my days in the core.

Grabbing a wooden sword that Kyojuro and Senjuro sometimes use.

My target? A nearby tree. I start off slow, practicing basic strikes and focusing on my footwork. It's a few hours of intense concentration, but it feels amazing. I didn't realize how much I missed this, the feeling of swinging a sword, the rush of adrenaline with each move. It's like finding a piece of myself I forgot was missing.

My excitement fades as I notice a looming shadow, revealing Kyojuro standing there. Still in his uniform, he must have just returned from the meeting. His expression is stern, arms crossed in clear disapproval.

"What are you doing, Y/N?" His voice is cold, sending a shiver down my spine.

"I was just... training a bit," I reply nervously.

"Training? Training for what?" He begins to approach me, his demeanor serious.

For some reason, I instinctively start to back up as he approaches me. Before I know it, my back is against the tree I was just practicing on.

He closes the distance between us, his face inches from mine. This side of Kyojuro is unfamiliar to me; he appears downright angry.

"Why are you doing this, sunflower? You're inactive in the core, retired. There's absolutely no reason for you to pick up a sword and train again," his voice is harsh.

"I just thought that maybe if I stayed in shape and continued training a bit, perhaps in the future I could come out of retirement. Maybe even help train new slayers coming out of final selection," I suggest.

- Ending One (Positive fluff)

He gazes at me, his expression filled with confusion. “Sunflower, why would you want that? I thought the whole point of you wanting to retire was to be at home with me, to start a family together.”

Taking a deep breath, I realize I need to be honest and ip front with him now. Kyojuro is my husband, and if he truly loves me, he'll understand.

Slowly, I reach out and take his hand, bringing it up to rest against my chest.

“Kyojuro, I love you more than anything, and I want to start a family and be with you more than anything. But I also have to pursue the things that make me happy. Fighting alongside you and our friends has always been one of those things,” I explain, hoping he'll see my perspective.

His eyes soften, and I can tell he feels guilty for not considering my happiness more deeply.

"I'm still scared, Y/N. I'm scared of losing the love of my life, my wife. If you continue being a demon slayer, there will be times when I won't be able to protect you. Times when you'll be in situations where you'll have to fight to the death to defend yourself," he admits, his voice filled with worry.

He's right. There will be moments when I'll have to risk my life for the sake of others. But that's exactly why I signed up for this. That's what I want to do, with him by my side.

Gently, I lift his hand to my lips and place a kiss on his knuckles, mirroring the affection he always shows me.

"I'll fight until my last breath for a life without demons, so that hopefully someday us and our children can live the life we deserve," I declare softly.

He removes his hand from mine placing is on my cheek. His gaze loving and caring now.

“You never cease to set my heart ablaze little flame. You always make me remember that powerful spirit I fell in love with. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for being so selfish.”

It makes me feel better that he also acknowledges how he’s been acting lately. It makes me feel more validated that I wasn’t completely going crazy. And still I forgive him.

I know Kyojuro’s heart, I know how pure and kind it is, and I know he would never do anything to harm me or keep me alway from something I’m so passionate about.

He pulls me into his embrace wrapping his arms protectively around me.

“I want you to be happy my love, it was wrong of me to try and control someone as amazing as you. I will do everything I can to support and protect you. Wether it’s here at home, or out on the battle field.”

His words melt my heart.

He removes his hand from mine, placing it gently on my cheek. His gaze softens, filled with love and care.

"You never fail to ignite my heart, little flame. You always remind me of the powerful spirit I fell in love with. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for being so selfish," he confesses.

His acknowledgment of his recent behavior brings me some comfort. It validates my feelings and assures me that I'm not imagining things. And yet, I find it in my heart to forgive him.

I know Kyojuro's heart, its purity and kindness. I trust that he would never intentionally harm me or stand in the way of my passions.

Pulling me into his embrace, he wraps his arms protectively around me.

"I want nothing more than your happiness, my love. It was wrong of me to try to control someone as incredible as you. I'll do everything in my power to support and protect you, whether it's here at home or out on the battlefield," he promises.

This was the man I fell in love with, the man I vowed to spend my dying days with. I’m certain that I made the right decision.

.

.

.

- Ending Two (Angsty Smut)

He shakes his head. "No. No way. If you're going to stay retired, then you need to stay retired. That was the deal. I won't risk losing you. You're far too precious to me." His tone is softer now, but still firm.

"But why can't I just practice for a bit?"

"Because this isn't what you want. You don't actually want this. It's not your passion. This is only because of your past life." He's more serious than ever.

"What's so wrong with me wanting to stay sharp?"

"You're supposed to be focusing on your future and your new life with me! And you can't do that if you keep holding onto your past. It's not a part of who you are anymore."

His words strike me. Was it so bad that I wanted to practice and maybe eventually come back?

"This is the last thing we're going to discuss. As a Hashira, I have the authority to confiscate your weapon, so hand it over. From this point forward, I will not tolerate you engaging in anything remotely related to demon slaying."

I reluctantly hand over my wooden sword. My heart drops, and tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"Y/N. I'm sorry, my love, but this is for the best. It's only because I love you." His voice softens, his expression more forgiving.

I'm filled with anger. Why is he acting like this? Why doesn't he want to fight alongside me anymore? Balancing our relationship and our profession is tough, but plenty of people make it work.

Why does he seem to think it's impossible for me to fight? I am strong. I've always been strong.

His thumb brushes away a tear from my eye as I lift my head to look at him.

This time, his expression changes.

He leans in close to my ear and whispers, "If you won't listen to me, I'll just have to give you a reason to stay off your feet."

A shiver runs down my spine as his lips meet mine, his hands holding my hips firmly in place.

Before I know it, he's lifting me over his shoulder and carrying me back into the estate.

“Kyo, put me down! Let's just talk!” I protest, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

He takes me to our bedroom and pins me down on the futon.

“There’s nothing more to say, sunflower. If I can't keep you from fighting anymore, maybe having a child will,” he says, his voice tinged with desire.

I open my mouth to speak, but his lips on mine cut me off. His tongue pushes its way inside, making its way around my mouth.

I try to pull away, but his hands hold my head in place, and the taste of his mouth is overwhelming.

When he finally pulls away, I'm breathless.

He leans in, kissing and biting at my neck. His hands move down my body, grabbing and squeezing my breasts and my waist.

I let out a small whimper as he sucks and bites at my skin.

Suddenly, I feel his fingers brush against my entrance through my clothes.

He pulls away to look at me. "Already so wet for me, and we've barely done anything. Were you doing all of this to make me angry on purpose?”

My face burns with embarrassment, but I can't help but crave his touch.

He grabs my hands and pins them above my head, staring into my eyes with a mischievous smile.

"You want this, don't you, sunflower?" He asks as his free hand caresses my face.

I nod desperately, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Then beg for it," he commands, his loving voice contested his actions.

"Please, Kyo, please I need it. I need you."

He releases his grip on my wrists and moves to undo his pants.

"There’s my little flame."

He lines himself up with my entrance, slowly pushing himself inside.

I try not to tense, feeling my walls stretch to accommodate him.

He lets out a low groan, his warm breath tickling my ear.

He waits for a moment before beginning to thrust into me, each movement deeper than the last.

I gasp and moan beneath him, gripping his shoulders.

He lets out a groan as he bottoms out.

"Mine," he whispers before placing a kiss on my forehead.

I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

He begins to move again, thrusting harder and faster. I'm filled with so much pleasure that I'm seeing stars.

I can feel myself getting closer to the edge, but just before I can finish, he stops.

"Kyo, please, I need it." I whine.

"Not yet, my love.” he replies, his voice heavy with lust.

He pulls out of me, leaving me feeling empty and unsatisfied.

He flips me over and pushes my head into the pillow, my ass now in the air.

"Don't worry, little flame, I'm not finished with you just yet."

He enters me again, gripping my hips tightly as he pounds into me from behind.

"I can't wait to have you pregnant. You're going to look so beautiful."

He reaches a hand around to rub my clit, bringing me even closer to my peak.

I try to hold back my moans and he touches me. His words only make me feel hotter.

I can feel myself getting closer once again, and he seems to notice as well.

"Do you want to finish, my love?"

"Yes, yes please," I beg.

He increases the speed of his thrusts, hitting all the right spots inside of me.

I can feel myself approaching the edge again, and he continues to push me towards it.

"I'm going to fill you up, my love. Make you mine.”

His thrusts grow more erratic as he reaches his peak, releasing deep inside of me.

I collapse onto the futon , completely exhausted.

Kyojuro rolls off me and lays beside me, pulling me into his chest. I cuddled into him.

"We're going to be so happy, Y/N. Just you, me, and our child. Everything is going to be perfect," he reassures me, running his fingers through my hair.

I'm too tired to respond, so I just listen to the sound of his heartbeat and his breathing.

"I love you, sunflower. No matter what, you're mine.”

Sorry this one took me so long to get out, I hope you all enjoyed it! I’d love to hear your feedback!

[xhoneygirlxx]

he's not magic

eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: the time of the month has come and Eddie is the only person who can sooth you.

warnings: talks about menstrual cycles/blood. mentions of dying. tooth rotting fluff. Eddie is a cutie pie. pet names used; sweetheart, baby, honey. shitty writing/spelling errors; if you find any plz ignore it lolololololol.

a/n: i'm currently in so much pain from my period and the only thing i want is for someone to coddle me and tell me i'm going to be ok. i hope you guys enjoy this very small thing, it's not much and it's not good but maybe it'll help you feel good on those days when life is shit. love you all <3

--

You're dying, a slow, painful, and mournful death. At this point you stopped caring, stopping all the begging you've done all morning for your life to continue. If this was how you were going out than so be it, you just wished your end had come faster.

You've already bled through two pairs of panties and two pairs of shorts, now left in your trusty period panties and an oversized shirt. Your stomach was bloated to the point it was uncomfortable, your breasts were so swollen that your chest felt like it was going to concave under the weight, and your back felt as if it was going to snap in half at any moment.

It felt like you tried everything, ibuprofen, heating pad, and propping a pillow in between your legs - none of the tricks worked. Now you were left in the fetal position, arms wrapped around your middle and knees pulled to your chest.

For the past how ever many hours you've been moaning out in pain, the stabbing feeling in your uterus just too much to handle. You're sure if someone were to walk in and see you they'd think you were insane and right now you couldn't blame them.

You did look insane, hair wild and matted to your face from all the sweat you've accumulated, voice hoarse and scratchy from all the wounded animal sounds you've made, and your face screwed up in an unflattering way.

Your phone has gone unanswered all day, the only person to have texted you was Eddie. At first it was only tik toks, small comments he thought would make you giggle, and then it turned into him updating you about his day at work, and finally worried questions about if you were okay.

You felt so fucking guilty for not responding, not telling him that you were fine but you just physically couldn't move from your crouched position. This only made you angrier, the fact that your temporarily paralyzed and are restricted from doing the things you need to do.

The fridge sits empty and in need of new groceries, laundry stays piled up by the washer where they wait to be cleaned, and Eddie is waiting for your response worrying about your well being - that is if he hasn't already contacted the national guard to track your location.

Everything is so shitty, the pain, the hurting, the guilt, the frustration. You feel like you're a balloon that's been filled up too much and is waiting to burst at the seams.

You don't have to take long before the heated tears from your eyes fall down, hitting the bridge of your nose, only to land on the pillow beneath your head. It's not a violent cry, at least not yet, just frustrated tears that seem to slip away from their barricade.

You don't even notice the front door of your apartment opening or the sound of Eddie calling for your name, only focusing on the pulsating of your uterus that debilitates your body.

"Fuck, baby I've been worried about you," You don't even turn and look at him, your eyes are still harshly closed. By the sound of his voice you know he's out of breath, brown curls probably wild from the speed of his running.

"Shit, sweetheart, are you okay?" The worry in his voice hits right on the spiderweb crack, shattering you into a million little pieces.

You can't hold it back, the wailing that rips from your throat is something close to bone chilling. Tears streams from your eyes without relent, whole body shaking from the cries that rip from your body.

It doesn't take more than thirty seconds to feel the bed dip as your boyfriend crawls into bed next to you. He doesn't think twice before pulling you in, one arm wrapped around your back and the other soothing down your hair on the side of your head.

"It's okay, baby. M'here, you're okay." Eddie coos and it's like music to your ears.

The warmth from his body fills you in a way your heating pad couldn't. Even with the mucus that fills your nose you catch a whiff of his scent, smoke, pine, and outside -undoubtedly him. His calloused hand runs soothingly up and down your back, allowing your bones to relax into his touch.

Eddie doesn't have to ask, he knows you better than you know yourself, and the way your scrunched up on your bed and crying he knows that you've been battling your pain all day.

"Sweetheart, you have to breath. Can you do that for me? Take one big deep breath, s'all I want, okay?"

You nod your head against his chest, following the way his chest moves as he demonstrates for you. Between hiccupped breaths and streaming tears, you allow your lungs to fill up with as much air as you can take in, releasing it right after in one long exhale.

"Good job, baby. Did such a good job f'me." Eddie's being soft with you, a side of him he only allows you to see and no one else.

You let his praise melt over you, soaking it right up like the plants in a drought. For the first time since you woke up you feel lighter, something you only feel when Eddie's by you. The cramps that have been going nonstop have finally subsided, the presence of your boyfriend scaring them away.

"It hurt so bad, Eds. S'really bad today." Your voice is shaky, as if one wrong move and you can break out into another sob.

"I know, honey, but it's okay. I'm gonna take care of you, kay? I'm gonna make it all better."

You both know that he has no control over what your body decides to do but just the promise alone has your worries easing away. Your body relaxes into him, your knees slowly falling down to their normal position until your laying right up against him.

"On a scale from one to ten, where are you at?" You take a moment to think about it, really evaluating the squeezing of your organs.

"Was a ten but now it's like a seven."

Eddie hums, his hand still soothing up and down your back. A small pause settles over his words, like he's trying to wrack his brain for the next action he's going to make so you can feel better.

"How 'bout you get some rest, then when you get up we'll get you something to eat? Sound okay?" You nod again, too tired to form any sort of response.

Eddie acknowledges your response with a kiss to the top of your head, making you hum in content when he does. It doesn't take long for the tiredness of your body to settle over you, quiet snores coming from your nose in no time.

Even if his arms fall asleep and his back feels stiff, Eddie stays there with you, soothing you in your sleep to ensure that your pain stays at bay. When you do wake up he's right there, waiting for you with some water and more medicine before helping you into the shower.

He's not magic and he has no idea what to do when it comes to woman's health but Eddie Munson will be damned if a period makes his girl cry like that again.

---

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Come Out and Play 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as non/dubcon, age gap, cheating, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your mom welcomes an old friend back into her life that brings chaos with him.

Characters: Thor, Loki

Note: Two silverfoxes for the price of one

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3

Love you all like Thor loves thunder. Take care. 💖

You hide away in the room that was once your own. You’re dressed and ready to go but waiting for the chance to flit out. You have a fib ready to go. You’ll tell your mom the landlord called and you had to leave quickly. 

The opportunity hasn’t come yet as the house is lively with noise. You didn’t wake up early enough to get ahead of your mother and her friend. You know he stayed the night; you can see his car through the window. A steel grey SUV with a boxy build. 

As you build your courage, bag in hand, with a plan to dart down and grab your shoes and coat, there’s a knock at the door. Dang. You drop your bag as you mother calls through to you. 

“Honey boo,” she trills, “are you hungry?” 

You huff and cross the room. You open the door only a few inches to see her. You stare back at her blankly. 

“Thor cooked some breakfast for us? Isn’t that lovely?” She preens.  

You weigh your options. There’s not really more than one. If you say no and rush out now, that would be rude. And a free meal isn’t something you should pass up. Not with your rent due. 

You nod and come out into the hallway, “okay, thanks.” 

“Oh, don’t thank me. I know you’ll be polite and let Thor know you appreciate it,” she steps back and waits for you to go ahead of her. “I’m so lucky to have such a good daughter.” 

“Mom,” you grumble. 

“Sorry, I’m just so... happy. I miss you,” she tugs your hair playfully from behind. You feel a little icky as you suspect the true reason for her good mood. Not that she isn’t always chipper. 

“Miss you too, mom,” you throw over your shoulder as you come down the stairs. 

You slow as you near the kitchen, hearing the subtle clinking of dishes. Your mom points you into the dining room and you gratefully accept the detour. 

“I’ll check in on him. I know he was wrestling the coffee machine.” 

You sit at the table as she tromps off into the kitchen. You hear Thor’s timbre and her singsong replies. You can’t make out the words, not until the last. 

“Go, sit,” Thor insists. “I’ve got it all figured out, Seli.” 

Your mother giggles before she appears again. She sits across from you. She’s always been bubbly but she seems bouncier. You’re happy for her. She deserves someone. It’s been so long since your father passed. You always felt a bit guilty for how much she put into raising you. 

“Ah, ladies,” Thor pops in just behind her, “coffee for both? I can always put on tea.” 

You nod and your mom turns, “yes, both of us. Thank you.” 

“Of course,” he grins and your eyes meet for a startling second. 

He stalks back to the kitchen. You wonder if a man his size ever does anything quietly. You tap your fingers on the table as you wait. 

“Hon,” your mom reaches across, “thanks.” 

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” you insist as you still your hands. 

“I know it’s a lot.” 

“He’s nice,” you say. 

She smiles even bigger, “he is, isn’t he?” 

You nod again. You can’t say you really know him. You just love seeing her so excited. 

“Ah coffee,” Thor declares as he sweeps in, “did we require sugar, dairy?” 

“Black,” you confirm, “thank you.” 

“Just some almond milk for me, please,” your mother replies. 

“As you wish,” he bows his head and backs out. 

It’s awkward. Almost as if you’re at a restaurant. It’s a bit too much but you suppose he feels just as weird staying in someone else’s house. Especially with their daughter crashing on the fun. 

He dips out once more and you squirm in your seat. You just need to get through this and you can go home. It might not be very warm there but it’s your own. 

Thor returns with two plates in hand and the cart of almond milk under his elbow. He sets a plate by your mom, and the milk, then reaches across to put the other before you. You chew your lip sheepishly. 

“Oh, thank you, this is so amazing,” your mother squeals, “and it smells delicious.” 

“Thank you,” you echo softly. 

“Full Norwegian. Smoked salmon, scrambled eggs with my secret ingredient, Jarlsberg cheese, and some oat bread toasted.” He announces proudly.  

“Wow, oh my god,” your mom touches her cheeks. “I never knew you could cook.” 

“Well, I had a few kids, had to learn,” he chuckles boisterously. “Now, please, dig in. I’ll just go get my plate.” 

“We can wait--” 

“No, no, it’s best to have it hot,” he insists, “please.” 

You pick up your fork only as your mother does the same. You use the fork and knife to pick apart the salmon. It really is tasty. You take small bites as your stomach swirls uneasily. 

Thor sits by your mother and wiggles as settles into the seat, “so, literature? What year?” He asks. 

“Oh, um...” you peek at your mom, “I finished last year.” 

“Ah, sorry. I think I misheard. That’s great. All set then. And are we going for another degree or out there is the wonderful world of employment?” 

“Erm, well, I work right now at a temp agency. Desk jobs, mostly.” 

“Oh, very interesting. You probably meet all sorts. See different places,” he remarks. 

“When there’s work,” you shrug. 

“Of course. That’s the catch then,” he says. 

“Mhmm,” you hum. 

“She’ll get there. Remember when we were in school and I worked at that pop up shop? Oof. They had me selling overpriced anti-aging cream. I was nineteen. Imagine.” She chirps. 

“Oh yes, I was lucky enough to work for my father’s firm. Well, luck being a relative term. He is a hard ass but I suppose I turned out alright. Now my brother for the matter,” he chortles and shakes his head. “So, just the one then, Seli?” 

“Just my precious bean,” your mom grins and you cringe. She can be so embarrassing. 

“Ah, I always wondered what it would be like to be an only child. You must be spoiled, especially with her as your mother. She’s always been a horrible enabler,” he nudges her and she guffaws. 

“Me? I would day you are a bad influence,” she pushes back on him. 

You muster a smile. Just to be nice. Then you focus on your plate and the food. The quicker you finish, the sooner you can be gone. Alone. 

💜

“I hope I haven’t run you out,” Thor catches you off-guard as you sit to pull on your boots. You pop your head up and wince. You were going to say bye to your mom before you fled but you just can’t seem to summon your usual invisibility. 

“Um, no, I gotta get back. See if they can fix the radiator.” 

“Radiator? Hm, I used to have a fussy one back in college. Actually, my first home was built at the turn of the century, not this one, and it had some rattly ones as well,” he rambles, much like your mother. You see why they get along. “I could have a look. It’s rather cold out, you wouldn’t mind the ride, eh?” 

“Oh, well, that’s fine. My landlord can fix it,” you tie your boots as you mutter at the carpet. 

“That is so sweet,” your mom strides in and you sit up in surprise. It’s almost as if she was waiting to sneak up on you. “Oh, Thor, would you mind? I really hate her on the bus. Did you hear about last week with that woman and her purse?” 

“Mom,” you drone. 

“I don’t mind at all. I’ve got some running around to do. Can’t be too far out of the way. Besides, I can see you’re keen to have me out of your hair already, Seli,” he chortles. 

“No, no, oh it’s been so nice to have you. Both of you! Have you found a place yet?” She asks. 

“Still nothing,” he answers with a tut. “Mother’s a lot like you though. She likes having me around, better when the kids chance to visit.” 

“Oh, I can’t wait to meet them. Won’t that be nice, honey? I think his daughter’s about your age,” she says around him. 

“She’s a year or two back. Still in school,” he intones, “close enough then, eh?” 

“It’s really not...” you begin but see your mom’s smile falter. “Oh, well, thanks, sure. It’s really nice to offer.” 

You stand and both of them smile. “I’ll just get my coat and that,” Thor says. 

He moves around you in the entry way and your mom flutters closer, “oh, honey bun, I’m going to miss you!” She hugs you and rocks you. You’ve never lived in a different city but she acts like she never sees you. “Don’t get in trouble, alright?” 

“I’ll keep an eye out,” Thor jibes as he pulls on his thick flannel coat. 

“Love you, mom,” you murmur quietly. 

“Love you!” She lets you go and pats your head. “You call. Let me know about the heat. Don’t you dare stay if it’s freezing. You’ll catch cold.” 

“Nothing I can’t fix, I’m sure,” Thor insist, “come, I’ve still got a whole list I should’ve done yesterday.” 

You give a wistful look to your mom and a small ‘bye’ before you reluctantly follow after the large man. He holds the door and you step out into the frigid air. You approach the steps warily. He’s still only a stranger to you. 

He frightens you as he puts his hand on your back and dips around you. He reaches the SUV first and opens the passenger door. You look over your shoulder as your mom waves giddily. 

“Drive safe!” She calls out. 

You turn and grab onto the door. You haul yourself up with your bag, an extra push from Thor along your lower back. You quickly swing into the seat and hug your knapsack. He closes the door without comment. 

You buckle your seat belt as he gets in the other side. You stare ahead as your mom gives one last wave and goes inside. You look down at your lap and pick at the zipper of your bag. The engine rumbles to life and you jolt as he reverses out of the driveway. 

He asks for your address as he idles in the middle of the street. You give it and he keys it into the GPS built into the dash. 

As he drives, you watch the houses pass outside the window. The cold makes the silence crisper. The heater blows warmth over you but you feel a shiver creeping nonetheless. 

“Mm, don’t take much after Selina. Quiet...” he muses. 

You nod. It’s the truth you can’t dispute that. 

“That’s not so bad though,” he says. “It means you put more thought into what you say. My brother can be the same way. Yet, he’ll often say too much.” 

You sniff and wiggle your foot impatiently. You’re burnt out from all the social interaction. You can handle your mom, but with his unannounced visit, you’re feeling yourself wear thin. 

He doesn’t say anything else, almost as if he can sense your reticence. You shrink down next to him. Your eyes threaten to close. You feel the how little sleep you truly got. Maybe you would’ve been better off sleeping in the cold. 

Finally, you get to your building. It would be a solace if he didn’t get out with you. You point him ahead to the building as you fish out your keys. 

You show him inside. You’re not used to the company. You’re always alone. Even your mom’s only been there a few times. You don’t like having her over because she just complains about it being too small. You tell her you don’t want to crowd her but she’s just wants to make sure you’re okay. 

“Brisk,” he says as he follows you down the hall. 

“If you can’t fix it, I’ll be okay,” you say. 

“Of course, but if I can, I’d hate to not look,” he assures. 

You unlock your door and let him in. He enters and stops to pull untie his boots. You do the same before you lead him further in. It feels like a violation to have him in your space. You’ve always been very protective of your bubble. 

He finds the radiator without direction. He grunts as he gets to his knees bracing his lower back, “never get old, mouse, or at least stretch,” he chuckles. “It isn’t fun.” 

He takes out his phone and shines it between the slats and bends further to see. He reaches underneath as you shiver behind him. He feels along and lets out an aha! 

“I think we only need to bleed the radiator,” he twists and something creaks loudly. “Just so.” 

He sits up and looks at you, “may be some trapped air. Easy repair but if you don’t know the little tricks, an easy miss,” he explains, “come, let me show you.” 

He beckons you over and flashes the light toward the small red knob, “this is the bleed. You can twist to release then close it back up.” 

“Okay,” you lean in and squint to see it. 

You lift your head, nearly brushing him with your nose and back up. 

“I’ll close it and give it a bit. Do you have the thermostat here? Or is it central control?” He asks. 

“Um just... on the radiator.” 

“Ah,” he cranks the knob tight then moves to the end of the metal heater. He moves the gauge and the radiator rattles. He puts his hands up. “Think I’ve done it.” 

“Thanks,” you wring your hands in front of you. “That’s... thanks.” 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” He gets up with another grinding grunt and some popping in his knees. “Anything else before I go? Maybe a leaky faucet?” 

“No, no, that’s it,” you say but wince. Your mom would be disappointed in your lack of hospitality. Besides, he did help and he’s her friend. You can’t just kick him out. “Do you like tea?” 

“I love tea,” he smiles, “but let me not presume on you.” 

“It is cold in here. I was gonna make it anyway.” 

“Well, then, if it isn’t any trouble, how could I deny the little mouse?” 

[seasirengirl]

LEO VALDEZ DATING HCS

pairing: leo valdez x reader (godly parent not specified)

a/n: sorry for the super duper slow updates, my life has been a mess🫶🏼

ೀ friends to lovers is a trope owned by leo valdez and no one can change my mind

ೀ he’s such a shameless flirt

ೀ nicknames in spanish.

ೀ i repeat

ೀ nicknames in spanish.

ೀ he’s such a fun person to be around

ೀ always cracking jokes and all that

ೀ but

ೀ hold up

ೀ he doesn’t crack jokes at times when you don’t feel like hearing them, even though he’s known for doing that to others, you’re his exception

ೀ you two went everywhere together

ೀ quest? together

ೀ spending nights at bunker 9? not without you

ೀ he felt guilty for making you stay there though

ೀ but then you started ranting about how much you loved staying there

ೀ and he just couldn’t say no to you

ೀ or your pretty face

ೀ but we all know that you didn’t really think bunker 9 was the most comfortable place to sleep in

ೀ you just wanted to stay with your repair boy

ೀ after being two idiots who were very much in love but would never admit it

ೀ your friends got sick of it

ೀ y’know what that meaaannssss

ೀ at first percy and annabeth started talking about it

ೀ apparently piper and jason also had discussed it before (mostly piper)

ೀ frank and hazel are just there yknow

ೀ chilling

ೀ with no clue about what’s going on

ೀ anyway

ೀ doing very couple-ish things all together

ೀ there were eight of you.

ೀ obviously meaning that

ೀ you and leo had to be dragged into all of that

ೀ which neither of you complained about

ೀ but you wouldn’t say it

ೀ going on carnival dates <3

ೀ well they weren’t technically dates for you and leo

ೀ but they felt like dates

ೀ the other six ditched you every second

ೀ and you two still managed to be clueless

ೀ smh

ೀ honestly thank the gods for piper

ೀ when you AND leo both found out about your feelings at the same time

ೀ you were both ranting to her

ೀ cause she’s the daughter of aphrodite

ೀ ykyk

ೀ and also a great friend

ೀ but she needed a break atp

ೀ hearing both of you yap about each other not knowing that the other feels the same

ೀ until one day she had ENOUGH

ೀ bro was tired fr

ೀ so she decided to make both of you a bit jelly

ೀ not a bit tbh, a lot

ೀ yk, telling leo that the new guy from cabin 7 was talking about asking you out

ೀ or telling you that one of her sisters were going to make a move on leo at the bonfire tonight

ೀ leo couldn’t let some guy try to make a move on his girl

ೀ and you couldn’t either

ೀ so

ೀ both of you decided to confess at the same time

ೀ leo walked up to you just as you were about to find him

ೀ “can we go somewhere private?”

ೀ such a simple sentence left you speechless, only managing a nod

ೀ “i don’t want you to go out with him” leo blurted out

ೀ “with who?” you asked, did you have a date you forgot about?

ೀ “andrew, the new guy from 7?”

ೀ “i’m not going on a date with him, oh wait- piper...”

ೀ silence. total silence.

ೀ “i have something to-“

ೀ “i have to tell y-“

ೀ you couldn’t help but laugh at that, “go ahead.”

ೀ“i would say ‘ladies first’, but i have to say this, ever since i stepped a foot in camp, i’ve had a crush on you, so will you do the honors of being my girl?”

ೀ “i’d love to.”

ೀ “so would it be okay if i-“

ೀ “shut up, valdez”

ೀ and he did shut up, because his tongue was too busy being down your throat

ೀ ok what.

ೀ anyway

ೀ after that night, your friends wished they never set you two up

ೀ they were just jealous that you two were a better couple than them

ೀ or that’s what you thought

ೀ leo was actually the best boyfriend you could ask for

ೀ he would make you the coolest gifts ever

ೀ any kind of jewellery a girl could dream of

ೀ he made it

ೀ flowers that never die, all yours

ೀ honestly you can’t recall a night that you haven’t slept without leo in winter

ೀ slept.

ೀ he kept you so warm when it was cold out

ೀ cause he’s your fireboy

ೀ he’s so touchy and always has to have his arm around you somehow

ೀ but he wouldn’t be much of a pda guy

ೀ especially it it makes you uncomfortable.

[crusty-chronicles]

Forgiveness And Acceptance

Ch 1: What Goes Bump In The Night

MASTERLIST

Synopsis: You feel guilty for Kite's Chimera Ant form. You don't think he really loves you, but you love him. So much so you let him use your body for his pleasure. Anything to rectify abandoning him during the fight with Pitou. Kite however, is trying to show you that's not the case. (Reader is based from the Moon and Sun insert)

NSFW, MINORS DNI

Warnings: brief cock warming, AFAB reader

An: Kite lovers, come and get y'all juice. Also I've decided to make this a mini series so keep your eyes out. Updates will be extremely slow.

------------------------------

It was never easy suppressing the memories of what happened with the Chimera Ants. Everything from the fighting to the casualties. The ants themselves being integrated into society. Sometimes it was easier to pretend it never happened at all.

The fight with Gon. 

Losing your nen. 

Almost dying a second time.

All of it you never liked to look back on. Never liked to think about. But there was a constant reminder you just couldn't ignore.

 Kite.

Pitou had killed him. Using his body as their puppet. And by some fucked up miracle, you were able to bring him back. Like with Palm, some things had changed. 

He was bulkier now. Not as lanky as he had been, with a few extra inches added to his height. Hair no longer an ethereal silver, but now a fiery auburn. The only indication he wasn't fully human anymore being the rat tail sporting from his back. 

He was different, but he was Kite all the same.

And although he came back mostly the same, it was still your fault he died in the first place. You were the one who ran away like a coward. You were the one who didn't bother looking back. You were the one who left him behind.

So imagine your shock when one of the first things he said after finally seeing you again was, 'I like you, too. I never got the chance to respond that night.'

Words of affection instead of hatred. 

You just couldn't wrap your head around why. Surely that couldn't be his initial response after finding out you were the reason he wasn't human anymore. It couldn't be.

But it truly was the first thing that came to mind. He died to protect you and the boys. And after hearing from Ging that you were okay (that you were all okay), the only thing he could think about was you. 

What he would say. 

What he would do. 

It was thanks to you that he was still here, after all. 

Then he remembered your confession back at the NGL, and how he never really said anything in response. Not because he didn't feel the same way, god no. He sure as hell felt the same way. But it was the setting, rather, that had him holding back. It was too dangerous to have been focusing on anything else.

So it was decided he'd give you a proper answer. Even if yours had changed. Six months was a long time. Maybe you wouldn't want him anymore now that he wasn't human. He wasn't that different from before, but maybe enough had changed for you not to find him appealing. Maybe you'd fallen in love with someone else.

And for whatever reason, that possibility hurt the most. 

His instincts, however, were telling him a very different story. That he was overthinking it and you'd still feel the same. That he had absolutely nothing to worry about. His hunches were never wrong, but for the first time Kite was doubting himself.

But when you assured him your feelings hadn't changed, all his previous worry and doubt disappeared. You still wanted him. Even if he wasn't the exact same as before. Everything seemed to fall into place after that.

Loving you had never felt so right.

It'd been a year since then. A year of being together. A year of trying to move past all that happened. And while many things had changed, some stayed the same. Like you and your disdain for the outdoors.

"You'd think as a researcher I'd be typing away indoors. You know, so the computer doesn't overheat?" It was a cheap excuse, but that didn't mean you weren't right.

"Half the fun is being outside. Getting experience out on the field," Spin gestured around to emphasize.

You gave a small grumble of 'Oh yeah. Plenty of experience.' Scratching at one of the many bug bites you'd gotten. The screen of your laptop lighting up with a notification.

N E W - S P E C I E S - F O U N D

A picture of a funny looking rat under it. You quickly started filling in its potential genus and feeding habits. Occasionally glancing over at Spin who was going through notification by notification.

She was way better at this than you. You don't know why you were paired up with her when she could accomplish much more by herself. You were basically useless.

Well, you weren't all that useful without your nen.

"I can't help but feel like I'm only here because of some special privilege." Because you were dating Kite.

It was true you had decent analytical skills, but you couldn't focus your eyes anymore to get the finer details. You weren't as precise as you used to be. Feeling as if you were given this job on a whim and not because of the few skills you still possessed.

"The only 'special privilege' he gave you was sleeping in his bed, if you can even call it that." Spin teased.

Your face immediately heating up. And although you were flustered, you seemed to shrink in on yourself at her words. The exact opposite of the response she was hoping to get.

"Hey, I'm being serious. He doesn't treat you any differently than us. Trust me, I'd let you know." She placed a hand on your shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"Kite's really sweet on the people close to him. You probably feel it more because you're with him every day. And we all like having you around, so don't you worry about feeling out of place. Okay?"

You nodded, giving a small smile in return.

"Okay... Let's finish up here and meet up with the others."

"Now you're talking!"

------------------------

It was about an hour later when the two of you finished logging in data. Both rushing towards the jeep that could only fit so many people. Lin and Banana already there. It wasn't long before Mon, Stick, Podongo, and Kite showed up.

Everyone giving in their report for the day. Turns out 53 new species had been discovered. Mostly insects to your dismay, but still something to be celebrated.

"Good work everyone. Tomorrow should yield higher results considering one of the Chimera Hybrids who lives around the area volunteered to help. For now, let's head back." Kite instructed.

And as everyone started pilling into the small jeep, his gaze finally softened. Redirecting his attention towards you and reaching for your hand to have a brief moment of intimacy.

Relishing in the way your unoccupied hand went up to brush some hair out of his face. Almost leaning into you. He was sure this was the most touchy he's ever been in his life. (Well previous life) Wanting to always have you close.

It was a damn shame because he knew you were the exact opposite. You were fidgety with most contact. Especially around your face. And whether that was a result of your upbringing or what he'd done as Pitou's puppet, he couldn't say. But he disliked the reason for it all the same.

You were a lot more comfortable with touch now than when the two of you started dating. Reciprocating kisses and cuddles and occasionally initiating them. But it was still a longshot from being completely okay with it.

------------------------

You just about collapsed on the couch of your shared apartment. Exhausted mentally and physically. Knowing tomorrow would be an even longer day.

"You did great today, you know? You logged in more than usual." Kite praised.

You let out a tired groan and sunk further into the couch. You'd only done 13 of the 53 entries.

"But you can't sleep just yet. You haven't eaten all day." He snatched the pillow covering your face. Watching as it scrunched up in reaction to the light.

"Noooo. M' tired. And I did eat." You rolled onto your side to escape the brightness.

"Y/n."

At his scolding tone, you turned around to face him. A pout evident on your face. Knowing he hadn't bought your lie.

"It's no fair. You're looking at my aura!" At your accusation, he placed a kiss on the backside of your hand.

"I'm not. I promised I wouldn't until you got your nen back, remember? I can tell you're lying because you're always more exhausted when you haven't had anything to eat," Kite explained.

It was still strange to you how someone could know you so well. How Kite seemed to pick up on the smallest of things. You supposed you were the same way with him.

"Fine...But I know you haven't eaten either."

His soft expression turning into shock at your words.

"Don't even try to argue with me. We both left in a hurry this morning, so I know for a fact you had nothing all day. Order something for the two of us. And you better use my card this time." Your scolding tone mirroring his.

Except yours was a bit more practiced. Having been used on the boys and Alluka. He was sure you'd make a great parent. He shook the feeling off, though.

Not liking the way his chimera ant counterpart seemed to stir at the thought.

--------------------------

You went through each and every item on your list for the morning. Making sure to triple check you had everything in your suitcase. You'd only be gone for five days max, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Are you sure you don't want-" Kite started before you cut him off.

"I'll be fine. It's just a doctor's appointment. Besides, you've got an important job to do here. It wouldn't be right for me to take you away from that. What's the worst that could happen?"

You felt arms wrap around your waist from behind. Face pressed into the junction of your neck before he spoke.

"I love you, so please be careful."

The warmth allowing you to relax into him. Taking in his comforting scent before leaning back and looking up. Letting yourself believe he truly meant it when he said he loved you.

"I promise I'll be safe. You take care of yourself, too."

Although those weren't exactly the words Kite wanted to hear, he'd take them. You didn't have to say you loved him back for him to know it. Your actions told him plenty.

It didn't mean he hoped any less to hear them.

It was dark when you finished packing. The two of you preparing for bed. Sleeping arrangements had been another tricky thing when you first started. Neither of you wanting to sleep alone after everything that happened. The first couple of nights awkward with each keeping strictly to their side of the bed.

But within a month something had changed. You awoke one morning engulfed in warmth. One that almost lulled you back to sleep. You curled up a bit more before realizing something was over your waist. You tried to get up to see what it was, but stopped at the feeling of getting tugged closer to the warmth behind you. It was then that the dots connected for you.

In your sleep, you must've subconsciously moved closer to Kite. And his body's response was to pull you closer. Arm thrown over your stomach with his face pressed against your back. The feeling of his weight pressed against you ever so comforting.

So much so that when he woke up and started to apologize, you told him you wouldn't mind it happening again.

It'd become a habit since then. Meeting in the middle instead of opposite ends. Kite cuddling you close while you leaned back into him. On rare nights, even intertwining hands with the one thrown over your waist.

Tonight was no different. Small puffs of air hitting your neck as you drifted off. A feeling of content and domesticity washing over the both of you before completely knocking out.

-----------------

Kite didn't remember a lot from when he was under Pitou's control. There were a few flashes here and there, but nothing other than that. At least, that's how it started.

Soon enough, the memories started coming in the form of dreams.

Of nightmares.

And some nights it just became too much. He supposed he wasn't alone when it came to being haunted by his past. You both had your share of night terrors. Waking the other when things became too much. Seeking out their warmth to make sure they were real.

That they were safe.

Something about this particular dream though, had him trembling in his sleep.

A memory of being inside the nest. Fighting ant after ant until he was dismembered completely. Pitou stitching the pieces back together so the process could continue all over again.

It was one he'd seen before. One that although he didn't like, wasn't as bad as the others.

The next memory had you in it. Back when the circles under your eyes had been at their worst.

You stood in front of him, taking a step forward. His body immediately lunging for you against his will. Over and over again he'd hit you. Trying desperately to pull his punches to no avail.

And over and over again you would get up and smile so warmly at him. Never once defending yourself. His mind warning you to stay back before he hurts you any worse. But you didn't stay away.

"I know you probably hate me right now, but it's okay. You can let out all your frustrations on me. I'll be here every day until we get you back to normal."

And again came your loving smile.

He wanted to scream. Wanted to tell you he could never hate you. That he was being forced to hurt you. But he was simply a prisoner in his own mind.

Seeing you suffer by his own hands was the worst kind of torture.

He jolted awake. Shooting up and unintentionally untangling himself from you. Breathing erratically as he shook.

He hurt you.

He had hurt you.

Was...was that why you seemed to hate his touch? Why you used to flinch away when he cupped your face?

His distress had inadvertently woken you up. The lack of his warmth pressed against you an indicator something was wrong. And when the sound of his shaky breaths reached your ears, you bolted up.

Looking around to see Kite trembling with his head in his hands. Your body immediately kicked into action. Not wasting any time pulling him into your embrace. Resting your head atop his as you tried to provide a bit of comfort.

"Hey, hey, hey. Baby what happened? It's okay. I'm here."

Your very being engulfed him. Creating a small bubble of safety from everything negative. Your scent of rain invading his senses and pulling him back from his nightmare.

"I'm sorry." It was whispered against your skin.

The words temporarily catching you off guard. He must've seen something rough tonight. You held him a little tighter as you ran a hand through his hair.

"You're okay. You don't have anything to apologize for."

You felt him shake his head against you before returning your embrace. Arms pulling you impossibly closer.

"I'm so sorry."

Something was definitely wrong. Because while Kite was aware of you, he wasn't aware that he was here with you. Not stuck in whatever horrible dream decided to rear its head tonight.

You went to cup his face. Guiding it gently away from your neck so you could see each other properly. Your heart just about broke seeing him in full.

Eyes holding a heaviness you could only describe as regret peered up into yours. Quick stuttery breaths as he tried to ground himself in your touch.

"Oh love...What did you see?"

Lips quickly pressed themselves against yours in response. Your body tensing up for a moment at the sudden contact before giving in. Letting a hand wander to the back of your head and pull you in deeper.

He pulled back only to reattach himself to your neck. Placing desperate kisses against your skin.

"I love you. I need you to know that. Let me show you. Please."

He needed to know you were still here with him. That he wasn't stuck in his nightmare hurting you. That what he was wasn't driving you away.

The chimera ant part of him wanting to prove his devotion through intimacy. Too broken down at the moment to resist its primal need for your warmth.

"What do you need?" You asked.

You would give him anything he asked for. Whatever it took for him to feel better. If he didn't want to talk about what he saw, then you wouldn't push.

"You." Was Kite's answer.

He needed you.

Needed to be as close as possible with you.

"Then I'm yours."

He pinned you swiftly to the bed. Nudging your bottoms off while he continued to place light kisses against your neck. Giving a harsh bite when the scent of your arousal reached him.

Pulling down his own pants and boxers in a rush to free his hardening member. At the feeling of it brushing against you, you spread your legs apart.

Your lips once again enveloped by his. Tongue asking for permission before you readily granted it. Exploring every crevice in your mouth before dancing with yours in a steady symphony.

A soft noise leaving you, only encouraging Kite further. He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours as he lined himself up.

Reaching for your hand and intertwining it with his.

The head of his cock slowly bullied its way inside you. Stretching you out in a way that was almost painful from how big he was. And little by little he filled you. Letting out strained pants as he did so.

Sheathing himself into your cunt until his body was flush against yours. Fiery hair creating a curtain that seemed to shut out the rest of the world. Letting himself be completely vulnerable and giving you his love in the rawest form he could.

Your eyes met as he kept still inside you. The heaviness being replaced by something softer. His breathing steadying at the feeling of your warm heat around him. A snug fit considering you hadn't been prepped beforehand.

"Do you want me to..." You started. Legs wrapping lightly around his waist. Wanting to know if you should move or not.

It wasn't the first time sex was used as a means of comfort. A way to forget about everything for just a moment. And if he needed your body to find a bit of peace, then you would give it to him.

Because you loved him with everything you had.

Even if he didn't feel the same.

Even if he thought of you as just a body to keep him warm.

But instead of thrusting into your cunt, Kite sunk down on top of you. Wanting nothing more than to just be as close as possible to you. For your being to completely drown out everything else.

"Can we stay like this? I-I just need to feel you right now." Voice so incredibly soft as he turned the both of you on your side. Once again pulling you against his chest. Holding onto you as if you were a lifeline.

"Anything you want. Let's try to get some sleep now, yeah?" You cradled his head close from its place against your throat.

A nod with one last brush of his lips against your skin. The both of you managing to drift off sometime into the night.

----------------------------

An: Me starting another series??? Yes but Kite deserves so much love and it's unfair how little fics there are about him. 🥺

[montammil]

June of Doom Day 25 - "I should have listened to you."

| Guilt | Backseat | Failure |

Characters: Rowan, Sawyer

Also kind of rushed and stuff, but I keep reminding myself this is a challenge, not something I need to be ultra perfectionist about lol.

Anyway, I thought it'd be fun if I showed Sawyer having a bit of stockholm syndrome since I usually give that to Marshall XD

CW: Yandere/creepy whumper, stockholm syndrome, dubcon touching (nothing inherently sexual), non-sexual nudity, mentioned branding

...

Sawyer didn't want to admit it, but after just two months of freedom, he was starting to regret his actions.

Rowan had been the source of most of his trauma, both physically and psychologically, and it was obvious that Rowan was as deranged as deranged got... but he didn't understand what he was doing was wrong. Rowan just needed help, and Sawyer learnt that his family had installed the idea in his mind that therapy would be a bad look on the Burnett name.

Each day, questions ran through his head. Would Rowan finally get the help he needs? Would Rowan continue searching for him until the day he's dead?

Would Rowan just find another person to replace Sawyer with?

As guilty as Sawyer felt for it, that question made him more upset than it should have, and for the wrong reasons. He was aware perhaps he had gotten a little stockholm syndrome during his time with Rowan, but he didn't think it was that bad.

Sometimes he felt comfort around Rowan... as long as he didn't get on his bad side, he could be such a nice guy. He'd bring him flowers, cook for him, spend a lot of time talking and laughing. He even played the piano for him.

At the same time, Sawyer couldn't let go of the fact that Rowan stalked him for god knows how long before he finally snatched him. Rowan burnt a brand into his flesh and held him hostage for four months.

The guilt was eating him alive. Guilt over something he knew he shouldn't feel.

It didn't help that he didn't even have a place to stay. His savings were almost depleted, and he knew he was close to getting kicked out of his apartment.

He was relying on his job at a fast food restaurant to support himself, but that didn't pay him enough to afford more than a week of groceries.

He wasn't thinking logically when he was fired for snapping at a rude customer. Sawyer never let his emotions get the best of him, but he was so tired and in a terrible mood that he let his filter go. He ended up getting into a screaming match, and was kicked out of the establishment.

Now, he had no idea what to do. He knew it was only a matter of days before he'd be out on the streets.

He couldn't exactly go back to his parents or sister. He didn't want to explain to them why he was in his situation. Plus, he would have to travel for days to even get back to the town he used to live in.

There was only one option he could see. He was depressed, about to be homeless, with no one who loves him.

Except Rowan.

Sawyer didn't realize how long he'd been sitting at the bus stop. It was late, past midnight. The streetlights were the only source of light in the pitch black of the night. He kept zoning in and out, unable to concentrate on anything. It felt like he was moving in slow motion.

He searched in Rowan's name, wondering if it'd come up. To his surprise, it did.

Rowan Burnett: Insurance Agent, 31, Oregon City. It was surreal seeing Rowan's name there on the screen, like he was just another ordinary person, leading an ordinary life.

He had no idea he was so successful, but that must've been due to his family's wealth. He clicked on his profile to see pictures of Rowan in suits, smiling for the camera, holding business meetings, attending charity events.

They were all from a year ago at latest. He hadn't updated since he met Sawyer.

The bus pulled up, breaking Sawyer out of his trance. He stepped on, shoving his wallet back in his pocket after handing the cash to the driver. He slumped down at a seat near the back.

He didn't know what he was thinking. Rowan was probably so furious with him, he was probably waiting for the opportunity to take Sawyer back and never let him go.

Yet in Rowan's absence, Sawyer learnt to miss his possessiveness. It was something he'd take to the grave, but he truly missed having someone who cared about him, someone who loved him, even if it was under the guise of obsession.

He remembered how to get there from his stop, his feet bringing him to the location instinctively. His memory still recalled the layout. He was thankful he remembered his escape route, which wasn't far away from Salem and another national forest.

It felt like a blur. Almost in a blink of an eye, he was outside the lake house. The lights were on, so it seemed Rowan was still up.

Sawyer hesitated. This was his last chance to turn back. And maybe Rowan wasn't even at the lake house. Maybe he was in his house in Oregon City, or even looking for him right now...

But his car was parked out front. Sawyer heard his heartbeat in his ears. This was stupid. He should've turned back, but he spent almost an hour walking all the way here. If he wanted to escape again, at least he now knew the way out.

That is, if Rowan ever gave him the opportunity to escape again.

He felt his hands reaching up to knock. Before he could stop himself, he was already rapping his knuckles against the oak door.

The sound resounded throughout the area. Sawyer held his breath, he didn't know what to expect. He hoped for the best, but that seemed too optimistic for him.

He heard the locks turning, and then the door cracked open. A familiar pair of lavender eyes appeared, widening when they saw him. It was silent.

The tension was so thick, he felt like he was going to suffocate.

"Sawyer...?" Rowan whispered. He let the door swing open, his mouth parted in shock. His hair was a mess, and his outfit was wrinkled. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. It was all an unusual look on him. He stepped forwards, and Sawyer noticed how his hand twitched. Rowan looked like he was unsure if Sawyer was really there.

Sawyer nodded, biting his lip. He let out a shaky breath. "I..." He looked away. "I shouldn't have run. I'm sorry." He let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "You were right. No one cares about me, no one wants me. I should have listened to you."

He was expecting Rowan to yell, to scream, to even slap him. When Rowan raised his hand, he braced himself. Instead, Rowan gently cupped his cheek, lifting his gaze up.

His eyes were still wide, like he couldn't believe Sawyer was back in his arms. Sawyer hadn't once seen such a vulnerable look in his eyes. He was only gone for two months. He felt so ashamed. He had no real reason to return, yet here he was. He was pathetic.

Rowan pulled him into a hug. "My love," he exhaled. He hugged him tighter, as if Sawyer was going to disappear if he let go. "You came back to me. You really came back to me." He pushed Sawyer's bangs out of his face and looked down at him with an adoring smile.

Sawyer melted. He didn't know why, but it felt nice. He didn't have to hide anything, and he didn't have to pretend to be someone he wasn't.

Rowan guided him inside. He was still trembling, like he was holding himself back from touching Sawyer all over. Rowan shut the door behind them and locked it.

"I missed you," Sawyer admitted. He didn't know why he said that. It just slipped out, and he couldn't take it back now.

Rowan breathed out a sigh of relief. "I missed you so much, my darling. You don't know how hard it was to fall asleep without you beside me. I don't know how I managed it."

Sawyer normally would have rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was, but he found himself relating to the statement. The bed always felt so empty and cold without Rowan, he had gotten so used to sleeping by his side.

"But it doesn't matter anymore," he continued. "I have you, and you're staying. Right?"

"Yes," Sawyer replied. He didn't believe in his statement, not completely, but he knew Rowan wouldn't take no for an answer. "I want to stay with you. I'm yours."

Rowan grinned and kissed him roughly. "All mine." He kissed him again, his hands roaming over Sawyer's body. He kissed along his jaw and neck, humming against his skin.

Sawyer's heart was racing. He missed the way Rowan touched him. It wasn't a romantic touch, it was rough, dominating, and maybe that was the way he preferred it.

He let Rowan touch all over his body, only managing to ask, "Are you mad at me?"

He contemplated his words. "If I had to hunt you down--which I have tried-- I would've had you tied outside like a dog by now." Sawyer shivered at the thought. "But you willingly came back, and for that, I am beyond pleased. But if you dare even think about leaving again," he continued, voice dipping to a growl. He licked along his Adam's apple, sucking a bruise on it. "I'll have to get creative with my punishments. I don't need to do that, do I?"

Sawyer shook his head. "No, Rowan."

"Good. Now let's get you a bath, you smell like you haven't had one in months." He reached down to intertwine their fingers, leading him down the hall. "This is why you need me to take care of you, you never take care of yourself." He ushered Sawyer into the bathroom.

He waited patiently for him to finish drawing a bath, dumping soap and oils in it. He was soaking up the feeling of being back, Sawyer felt at peace. It felt wrong to feel that way, but he couldn't stop the thoughts.

Rowan began undressing Sawyer, kissing him every few seconds. He couldn't stop touching him. Given how lonely he imagined Rowan must've been without him, it made sense.

Sawyer subconsciously ran his fingers through Rowan's hair, and it caused him to grin ear to ear. Sawyer had never seen him look so blissful.

He entered the tub, watching Rowan get undressed as well. It wasn't the first time, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. He had no issues with it anymore. This was the routine he had gotten used to for several months, and it felt right. He sighed when he felt the warm water soak into his sore muscles. It was nice.

Rowan slid in the tub as well, pulling Sawyer in his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, peppering his shoulders and the back of his neck with kisses.

"You have a lot of freckles," Sawyer muttered. He ran his fingertips over his skin, tracing a few of the prominent ones.

"Do I? I never paid much attention to them." Rowan dipped his hand in the water. He reached over to grab a loofah, using it to wipe down Sawyer's back. "I was a mess when you were gone. It's funny, I even called in some family friends to look for you." He chuckled.

Sawyer tensed. "What?"

"It's okay, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about it," he assured. "I mean, you're so small. It was hard to imagine you managed to survive all by yourself. It's only reasonable I'd get worried for my soulmate's safety, right? It's such a cruel world, even you admitted that yourself." He set the loofah aside to grab shampoo and conditioner.

He decided to just ignore Rowan's earlier statement. He knew it was dangerous to prod for answers, especially with the topic of Rowan's hired men. It made him wonder what kind of family he had.

"Tilt your head back for me, please." Sawyer followed his command. Rowan poured water over his head.

He put shampoo in his palms and began scrubbing at Sawyer's scalp. He worked through his hair until it was free of knots, and then added conditioner. He made sure to get his body clean as well, washing the dirt off and admiring his handiwork.

"There. All clean." Rowan pulled him back against him again, resting his head on his shoulder.

Sawyer's eyelids felt heavy. He leaned into Rowan, already feeling drowsy. He closed his eyes and just focused on the feeling of the water surrounding him.

Next thing he knew, he was dressed in silk pajamas and being carried to bed. He was half awake, but couldn't manage to open his eyes. Rowan placed him on the mattress, but Sawyer refused to let him go. He hugged him around his waist. "Stay with me."

If he could see Rowan's expression, he knew it'd be on the verge of tears. The bed dipped, and Sawyer was wrapped in a firm embrace. He nuzzled his face in the crook of his captor's neck. He'd regret this, but that was an issue for tomorrow.

For tonight, he just wanted to get lost in Rowan's affections. He didn't feel so alone when he was with Rowan.

"I love you," Rowan breathed out. His grip tightened. "I love you so much."

"I know. I love you too."

And maybe, if only just for this one night, he really did mean it.

[hystericstar]

saw ur sub virgin sidon and it is *chef's kiss* !!!

If it's all good, I'd like to ask for a virgin sidon too but on his first heat/rut!! Up to you if you want him to be the sub or dom but sloppy desperate sidon is all I need

‼️‼️He whimpers and whines 🗣🗣🗣

anyways, here you go 🤭

! MDNI !

“So tight. So pretty. More. Need more.” His hips repeatedly slammed into yours roughly. He hugged you close, breathing in your intoxicating scent the entire time. Each new bead of sweat got licked clean off immediately. The Zora king had been using you like a toy for hours. Every thrust squeezed more and more of his cum out of you, but at this point, neither of you could care.

His body had felt abnormally hot for about a week now, so when you had initially offered to help relieve him he was more than willing. However, it wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy him. He had never experienced anything like this before, leaving him with little to no control over himself. Countless meetings have been delayed due to his absence yet he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when he’s balls deep inside you, leaving bruises and hickeys everywhere he could reach.

“S-Sidon! Please…slow down-!” You were a wailing, crying mess. You had been, for the last two and a half hours. Every time you looked, your stomach swelled more and more with his seed, and his strikingly large dick didn’t help either. “So full.” You couldn’t help but pant. “So good! You feel so good. I can’t- I can’t get enough.” His voice trembled in your ear. He was equally overstimulated, but it felt so good he needed more.

Tears of his own began forming. “I-I can’t stop. Hah my pearl…I’m so- ahn! so sorry.” Sidon truly felt so guilty. He promised he’d try to contain himself but he just couldn’t. He was anxious to hear your opinion on this once this forsaken rut ended. You on the other hand, we’re having a ball. Sidon fucking you silly was the best thing you could’ve possibly ever asked for. You knew that under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t dare treat you as rough as this- especially not with any breaks. So for him to use you like his own personal fleshlight? Yes please!

The rhythm of his hips suddenly began to stutter, a clear indicative that he was growing close to yet another orgasm. Sidon threw his head back, roughly pulling you back into him by the hips over and over again, silently telling himself that this was the last time. At least, for the night it was.

You felt him twitch inside of you as you arched your back. The pillow below you had formed a puddle of drool in reminder of your mouth being agape in pure ecstasy for most of the night. “A-ah! My love!” Sidon pulled out of you, hot ribbons of cum painting your back. He knew if he finished inside you once more, the feeling might overwhelm you more so than you clearly already are. Beads of your combined fluids spilled out and made their way down your leg. The king simply admired you, all the while working through the feeling of his heartbeat resonating through his body. He was no fool to the way your legs trembled slightly. ‘Job well done’ he simply thought. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.

~《☆♡•°•°♡☆》~

sorry for the slow updates! Motivation suddenly left me lol. This one was sitting unfinished in my drafts for a while, simply because I didn’t really like the way it came out. Nonetheless, I finished it! I’m about to go to bed so it isn’t really proofread, so please forgive me if you come across any mistakes while reading. Thank you for requesting!

[ladykiller-yt]

CABINET IN THE WOOD

During a pleasant 5pm tea in the bookshop with Maggie and Nina...

Nina: "In the end we decided to get together."

Maggie: "She's just gorgeous and I wouldn't want anyone else near me."

A:"This is really wonderful. I'm very happy for you two."

Nina: "Instead you and Crowley..."

A: "Me and Crowley what?"

Maggie: "Come on Aziraphale, you know what we're talking about. How's the intimacy between you two?"

A:"I don't think I understand..."

Nina: "Are you two having sex or not?"

A:"Oh dear, no of course not."

Nina: "But... you would like it, right?"

A: "Hell yes I would like to. Except I told him I would like to take it slow and he took me seriously...too seriously. He barely touches me, he kisses me often but they are those innocent kisses and we all know that Crowley is not so innocent."

Nina: "Well, you could try to create the right atmosphere. You could try to tease him a little, some little rubbing, some not very innocent little caress. In my opinion it could happen."

Maggie: "And I have the right place for you. My parents own a little cabin in the woods. These are the keys."

Maggie placed the keys on the table next to them. Meanwhile the sounds of a car brake could be heard outside the window.

Nina: "Well I'd say it's getting late. Better go."

Maggie: "Oh yes. I would say so. Bye Aziraphale, update us if anything happens."

Aziraphale: "Dear me."

The two girls left as the demon entered, greeting them.

C:"Hello angel. Keep these, they're for you."

Crowley handed Aziraphale a tray of sweets, his favorite. He just had time to hide the keys in his trouser pocket and take the tray and place it on the table.

C:"They're your favorites, the lemon ones and...mhhhhh....angel...mhhhhh."

He approached Crowle and kissed him with passion... a lot of passion, so much that the demon was surprised.

A:"Thanks, Crowley."

Her words were like a breath on Crowley's still red lips.

C:"They're just desserts..."

A:"It's not for the desserts, this is for you. You always do a lot for me and I...well I'd like to repay you somehow. How about if..."

C:"Now angel? But the bookshop is still open and then for the two of us I would like something a little more comfortable."

A:"I was actually talking about going away for a few days. Getting away from the city for a bit and just the two of us...alone."

Crowley: "Oh...er."

A: "I see that this makes you slightly uncomfortable... it doesn't matter."

C: "No, no, angel, it's fine. I'm just amazed by your proposal. It's fine for me, when are we leaving?"

A:"Tomorrow morning."

The day after...

C:"Do you know that deep down I'm happy to do this thing with you?!"

A:"I'm happy about it."

They finally left and it didn't take them long to arrive considering the speed at which Crowley was travelling. They also had private parking.

The house was a few meters from the car park but the weather had decided to miraculously change in those few moments. They took a quick walk to the door and once inside they looked at each other and laughed. Crowley summoned a towel and placed it on the angel's head, drying his wet hair. A single glance was enough for the two to join in a wet and ferocious kiss, so voracious that Aziraphale had to break away and breathe. Panic was rising inside him and he was having second thoughts.

A:"Sorry, I..."

C:"It doesn't matter."

Since there was no heating in the house, Crowley took some wood that was near the fireplace and lit it with hellfire. The house began to warm up and the two sat on the floor with their feet near the fireplace. Aziraphale felt guilty and tried to make light of it by making a joke.

A: "It's a shame we don't have any marshmallows, right?"

C:"Actually I brought them, do you want me to take them?"

A:"Maybe later..."

C:"Okay."

A:"Are you angry with me?"

C:"Why should I be angry with you?"

A:"I don't know, maybe because we are finally alone after a long time, Heaven and Hell have no longer been seen or heard from and we are not taking advantage of this idyllic situation to be able to dedicate ourselves to each other."

C:"Dedicate ourselves to each other...oh. Well I wanted to respect your request to go slowly and so I'm doing. I don't want you to move away from me."

A:"Oh Crowley, you are so sweet and kind."

C:"Yeah..."

A:"I am a lucky angel to have you by my side."

C:"Yes, I'm lucky too."

They squeezed their bodies tighter and tighter under the covers as Aziraphale groped Crowley, who laughed.

C:"If you're that curious I can pull down my underwear."

Aziraphale placed his hands over his face to cover his embarrassment.

C:"That's 23 in case you were wondering."

A:"23 what?"

Crowley leaned close to the angel's ear.

C:" 23 centimeters of pure lust."

A:"Oh. My. God."

[bellewintersroe]

Carlos Sainz x Celebrity OC… Part 3

Part 3!! Here’s the link for part 2. Woop, woop, we’re back and this chapter continues on from the first chapter, the last chapter was just a recollection of Carlos and Jenna’s first interaction. Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy! This is just a cute filler chapter, the next one will be spicyyyy 🌶️ Jenna’s first day at the Emilia Romagna GP goes down a treat with both celebrities and the general public. Twitter and TikTok are popping off about her being there, and some fans even notice the semi-strange interaction between her and a particular driver.

There was no partying for me tonight. I was exhausted and dipped after two hours, feeling the urge to unwind by myself in the luxurious hotel room Sky had paid for me to be in. It had never felt better to be in bed, my eyes closing for a few moments as I mentally recapped my day. It was a whirlwind from start to end and I was overwhelmingly excited to do it all again in Portugal. I knew my team were extremely happy with what I’d done, and I was popular amongst the drivers and many teams I’d spent the whole day talking to, but there was one group of people I was particularly interested in. The general public.

My heart would always skip a beat whenever I searched myself on Twitter. It was a scary place, and I always expected it to be a lot worse than what it ever was, so I found myself scared to read through the countless tweets about me. Some of the top were update pages, posting pictures of me with supportive comments, before I scrolled down, relieved at the lack of hateful comments. Jenna Ashley looking BEAUTIFUL on the grid today wearing Gucci! Dress and shoes are tagged below. Miss Ashley proves to be a complete hit with all the F1 Drivers.

You can’t tell me Pierre wasn’t staring at Jenna Ashley’s tits that whole interview 🫤🫤🫤🫤

Jenna Ashley for Playboy 2019

Anybody notice the tension between Carlos Sainz and Jenna Ashley?!? I can’t be the only one that saw his reaction

My eyes furrowed, clicking on the tweet that had been liked thousands of times. I was intrigued, looking back at the pictures of us both in the interview.

Omg she’s blushing

Carlos has deffo pulled our girl nah I think her and Max are a thing, did you see how friendly they were?

Carlos looks in LOVE and ohmygodddd same Carlos I’d be just as nervous around her He’s so nervous around her omfgggg

I clicked my phone shut, staring back to a blank screen with brows raised. Was it that obvious? I mean there always was going to be speculation, I’d been trained for that, but how do you react when speculation ends up being true? That sent me on a whole spiral, going onto Carlos’s Instagram and noticing the option to ‘follow back’. “Oh my god.” I dramatically sat up, clicking the icon to follow him back. He most likely didn’t even run his social media accounts, but I sure as hell was acting like he did.

I was guilty of doing a small stalk, well, not so small. He’d been single (from what the internet said) since 2019, two years ago now, and from what I had seen was super unproblematic. Of course, I recognised who his dad was, but his whole family looked like they came from old money. They looked rich, all beautiful and dressed up. Most of all, Carlos’ instagram was beautiful. The man looked like a model, or even a Greek god, sculpted by the gods. That evening he ignited a fire inside of me, leading to me a never ending path of pure lust and obsession for the Spanish driver.

*******

“Hello and welcome to Monaco!!” A woman greeted as I stepped off the plane. “Thank you!” I exclaimed, mouth dropping at the beauty of the small country I’d landed in. It was my first time in Monaco, and I already guaranteed it wouldn’t be my last.

“My name is Amanda, I am a chaperone here with Sky, I will be showing you to your apartment.” “Oh, amazing! Thank you.” I nodded, holding my hair down due to the blustering of the plane jets that were slowing down gradually. I was here to run through some interviews with a couple of the drivers, showing some behind the scenes footage of the race tracks and practice. I was just as intrigued as everybody else, I had so many questions I wanted to ask, and so many places I wanted to venture into.

“Are you ready for your meal tonight, yes?” She asked as I looked at her, smile still lifted on my face. “Meal? Are we- are we going out?!”

“Yes. To Le Louis XV-Alain Ducasse à l'Hôtel de Paris…”

It was safe to say the resteraunt really lived up to his name. I felt out of place as I was guided through the overwhelmingly large hallways, decorated with the most beautiful, expensive paintings and designs known to man. They even had their own Lobster pool, c’mon. This felt too fancy for me, and I made several panicked Tik Tok’s in the process of wondering around.

I alongside the other Sky reporters, had been invited for a meal with some of the other reporters, team principles, CEO’s, men with big amounts of money- and most interesting of all, drivers. I couldn’t lie, I had no idea why I was here, it felt like I’d stumbled in during a Royal family having their Christmas dinner, everybody was sat straight up, borderline like statues as I nervously rubbed my clammy palms along the fabric of my sleek black dress. No wonder they’d dressed me up so classy.

Everybody’s accents were fancy, and not to forget their names. Oh god, there was so many names and faces to go around, I was so overwhelmed by it all that I drunk my champagne a little too quickly. Once we were seated, I almost choked on my drink seeing who I was sat across from.

Carlos Sainz Jr.

The whole 50 or so people that filled this room and I was seated across from a man I’d slept with only weeks prior?! My eyes were focused on his name card on the table before I actually realised he was looking at me. His eyes roamed up my front, lingering over my face, mid sentence as he seemed to pause from pure surprise. Poor guy probably felt awkward.

“Hello.” I cleared my throat, gaining several other greetings in response. Carlos smiled and nodded towards me, taking his glass of Estrella and smiling down to it. He was dressed very smart, like all the other men here, his hair was tidied and he was cleanly shaved, playing his role here perfectly. “I’m glad you’re sat next to me.” Anise whispered as I nodded, relieved to have the comfort of my friend nearby. “Thank god. I’m scared I’m going to spill something.” “I’m scared I’m going to sneeze!” She dramatically whispered as we both giggled, earning a few glances from the posh looking men around us, including Carlos. I felt intimidated under his stare, I was fidgeting and biting down on my lip, chewing the inside of it nervously. I’d felt embarrassed whenever my eye caught his, the way he made my heart race was humiliating. Worst of all, my mind easily wandered to places it shouldn’t have. His fingers that tapped quietly on the table were the same ones that had brought my to orgasm, the same ones that had been in my mouth, running over my breasts… I was getting distracted from the conversation I initiated with Anise and another young woman sat across from us. Next to Carlos. She was very pretty. “I am from Spain.” She smiled. “Ah no way, hablo un poco de español!” (I speak a little Spanish). “Ah!” She excitedly spoke, grabbing Carlos’s arm, my eyebrow twitched slightly. “¡¿Vives ahí?!” (Do you live there?!” “No, no, soy de Inglaterra. Mis abuelos eran españoles.” (No, no I am from England. My grandparents were Spanish). I glanced back to Carlos who was now listening, eyes lingering over my face. “Uh-“ I stammered, losing my Spanish as I looked back to the girl besides him. “They taught us.” I then added as the young woman smiled. “You are Jenna? Yes?” She smiled, offering her hand over the table. I reached forwards, wobbling my empty wine glass as I shook her hand gently. “Yeah.”

“Nice to meet you, I am Blanca. You have met my brother, Carlos?” Oh. Oh!! My eyes landed on the dark featured man who was smiling back to me, shame on me for ever thinking his sister was anything other than that.

“Ah, yeah, we met in Italy.” My hand tan over the back of my bare shoulder nervously. I heard Anise let out a soft laugh, kicking me from under the table. Way to make it obvious! “Carlos told me-“ Blanca began, a low smirk stretching as Carlos’ mouth opened to cut her off, but the waiters began heading through the doors, endless trays of foot plated up for us. I glanced back to the brother and sister, watching him mutter something to her before the dishes were set in front of us, trays covering the food below. I was starving, border lining ravenous.

“Thank you.” I told the waiter, watching him pull the tray off my food. The disappointment must have been obvious because I heard a slight grunt of laughter from across from me. Carlos had noticed and pursed his lips, I shared a moment of eye contact, only breaking it when I felt an amused grin attempting to reveal itself on my face. Don’t get me wrong, the foot made my taste buds literally orgasm, but there was such a tiny amount, so was the next plate, and then the next one, and then the fourth and final plate which left me rather confused. Everybody was using a different knife and fork, digging into their small chocolate contraption as I realised I didn’t have the right fork and spoon people were using.

Anise was occupied, delving into the food, so was Blanca. My panic was only resolved when Carlos held out his clean fork for me. “Ah.” I gently spoke seeing him let out a small breath of laughter causing a few people to glance over in confusion. People were so snooty, it was scary.

“Thank you.” I whispered, offering him a flirtatious smile for the first time since we’d seen one another in the bar. Carlos nodded, swallowing harshly as my fingers grazed over his, taking the fork to eat my two bite desert with.

At the end of it, there was a few speeches, in many different languages. All I could think about was how hungry I was. The food was 10/10 but the portion sizes were crazy small and it was more like eating four appetisers. After, I stood outside, waiting for a car, borderline desperate to get out of there. Somebody cleared their throat behind me, so when I turned, I was startled to see it was Carlos, lingering around. “Where are you going?” He asked as my lips tugged up, hand resting against my chest. “Um… McDonald’s.” I quietly admitted seeing his eyebrows perk, an amused laugh escaped his lips, catching me off guard.

“I’m really hungry.” I then spoke. “Oh, that is a good idea.” He sighed after a bout of laughter, I nervously laughed, tucking my hair behind my ear as I watched over the Spanish man. “Can I come?” Carlos asked, glancing back to me as I cocked my head to the side.

“Yeah. You like Mconalds?” I for some reason found it super amusing, watching him strip his tie off with a satisfied groan, one that sounded very familiar to-

“Who doesn’t?” “Maybe the people we just ate with.” I shyly joked hearing him snigger again. “No me sorprendería.” (It would not surprise me). He added on unbuttoning his top button. His blazer was slung on his arm, his movement causing the scent of his cologne to float in my direction. I felt weak in the knees.

“You never told me you were- ah what’s the word, reporting on the grids?” He then spoke as I smiled again, back in his direction. “You never asked.” I quietly spoke, hoping my comment came off more flirtatious.

“Estaba un poco ... distraído.” (I was a little… distracted). I only seemed to blush harder at his words, pursing my lips. “Miss, miss, excuse me miss!” A man called out, hurrying from the inside, just as my car began pulling up. “You forgot this.” He panted, handing me over a piece of paper. “Oh-“ I didn’t have time to respond before he scurried off back inside.

I could feel Carlos’ eyes lingering over me, so I frowned, opening it up.

tu español es impresionante llámame

(Your Spanish is impressive… call me).

I gasped in amusement, reading the number scattered on the paper below, the driver pulling up as Carlos opened the door for me. “Thank you.” I giggled, still a little amused from the note I’d just received, but it was fair to say my eyes were only on the man who climbed into the seat next to me. “You left a paper?” He pointed, a little confused.

“It’s somebody’s number.” I awkwardly laughed, handing it over. He furrowed his brows reading over the small piece of paper. He let out a soft laugh, handing it back to me with a hand sliding over the back of his hair.

“Ahora me siento bajo presión... ¿puedo darte el mío antes de que tomes este?“ (Now I feel under pressure… can I give you mine before you take this one?) I sat up straighter, a large grin beaming on my face as he looked away, clearly nervous as he awaited my answer. I would never have imagined a man like him to be shy.

“Sí. Yes.” I giggled, pulling out my phone, forgetting all about the paper number that I’d accidentally dropped onto the seat besides me. “Yes?” Carlos repeated as I nodded, seeing him attempting to bite back a smile whilst pulling out his phone from his back pocket. “Perfect.”

[pastafossa]

Update.

Mom made another little bit of improvement today. She's still on the ventilator, but now if I understood it right, she's basically breathing on her own again and they've lowered her sedation to practically nothing, allowing her to slowly come up. If - and the doctor was very firm that this is an if - if she continues to come up and stays stable, she might be off the ventilator tomorrow! He said they want her fairly alert before taking her off, but if all goes well, when I see my mom again tomorrow, she'll be off the ventilator. She also reacted a lot to me and sis today when we saw her, so that's something.

I feel like I've been floating in a haze since they put her under on Monday. Time is... weird, passing too fast or weirdly slow. I feel like I blink in the afternoon and suddenly it's time for bed, or a 30 min wait for an update takes hours. And I've wound up spending a lot of time between hospital visits just feeling... stuck. Unsure of what to do, of what's ok, of what I should be doing. Thanks to some encouragement from friends here - comments, messages, late night chats even when I'm out of it or drop out halfway through to cry or fall asleep - I at least felt a little less guilty about not having much I could do, and I've gotten regular reminders to eat and drink. We've also started putting up the tree so it'll there when mom comes home, which has helped. But god, if mom woke up tomorrow, if I knew she would be ok, I could handle things.

One more night for mama on the ventilator. Just one more. Then I can give her a hug, and cry some happy tears. Fingers crossed.

[tojiscrack]

i’ve become so obsessed with your liar liar fic that i’ve started to gatekeep it and i get jealous when i see other readers also enjoying it HAHAHA. is that a bad thing? I WANT IT TO BLOW UP BECAUSE IT DESERVES TO BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANNA KEEP IT TO MYSELFFFFFF.

it’s literally so underrated & so funny and well written. the way u write the characters is so funny to me, i love it because they’re canon compliant but also canon divergent at the same time? they basically have the same exact personality except if they were good (i.e. toji being selfish asl but not to the point where he’d kill people, or gojo and toji’s rivalry but it isn’t to the point where they’d kill each other, ougi being a strict ‘bad’ father but a not-so-evil version of that?). this is gege’s worst nightmare and after everything that’s happened in the manga, it’s my comfort fic.

I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO FIND IT BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DOOO. as an og reader, i wanna keep this gem to myself. I HAVENT EVEN TOLD ANY OF MY IRL FRIENDS ABT THIS FIC AND IM DYING TO.

i’m sorry for the late response, i still have multiple exams i’m studying for and school life’s just been extremely hectic so i didn’t get a chance to sit down and write up a response, but i read this a day after you sent it and i’ve got the time to reply!

the gatekeeping aspect… as the author-part of me that wants more people to read it, i’m like, well that’s effective for the growth 😭, but as the author-part of me that gets excited with comments like this, i understand the appreciation you must have for this story if you felt the need to GATE-KEEP It 😭❤️❤️ PLS IDK WHETHER TO CRY OR LAUGH HAHAHA ILY

the whole canon compliancy + divergency thing is exactly what i was going for, and i’m ECSTATIC that you’ve noticed it 🥹 i was trying to go for this completely new universe, like a parallel to the canon-verse where everyone’s just happy and dandy and we get a family vibe, yk? best way to do that was to take ogi, completely strip him of his evil-ness, or take toji and give him his wife so he won’t go on a killing spree, or to grab geto and slap some sense into him about why g*nocide is wrong, etc etc, and turn them into (at least) half decent human beings 😭

SOMEONE FROM AO3 ALSO SAID IT’S GEGE’S WORST NIGHTMARE AND I CAN’T HELP BUT AGREE 😭 you wait till i make a whole verse on GOJO’S friends and school life. he’ll hate me for sure by then.

now i feel incredibly guilty seeing as it’s now ur comfort fic and my updates are slow. nonetheless, it makes me so happy (knowing that i’ve made something that you can look at and genuinely feel comforted by it).

trying to squeeze out another chapter, but i have to put my studies first and my levi fic first (just this once), and then chapter 4 will be out right after. give me about two months to get things done (possibly less, tbh).

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 22

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I’m bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 4.4k

a/n: Hi, I am back. Thank you for your patience and kind messages.

This is a peak for the story, next chapter is indeed the wedding and then the story picks up a bit. I am excited for this next leg.

Happy Double Update, read chapter 23 here

Javier Peña says the words often. Javier’s first words were love and papi. He was his dads best little buddy so it came as no surprise that the first words he ever formed were a manifestation of how much he loves his father. He ended every night with an I love you. He hung his Houston home phone after sharing his farewells and I love you’s. 

It was easy to know how loving someone feels, but sometimes Javier got confused. 

He told his first girlfriend in 6th grade that he loved her. He isn’t sure he could remember her name so he’s sure he was confused that time too. He told Lorraine he loved her, often, in passing and sometimes he felt guilty about it. He sometimes pictured telling her in some grandiose way but their relationship had quickly progressed to the likeliness of a separated couple. So in Houston, if they weren’t fighting; she’d squeeze his shoulder and say, I love you, goodnight. 

Or when Javier was in the force he’d kiss her cheek and say, Love you, after she said, be safe. He feels bad about it, he feels bad because he might have confused her. Maybe she thought his love you’s before work were declarations of the act of being in love. He realizes that he was never in love with Lorraine. He loved her, he spent many years with her. At many lonely points in his life he considered her his only companion, his friend. For a while he thought all of that was good enough, a fathers love and scattered I love yous from an estranged girlfriend. 

Then Javier thinks of you and he isn’t sure he can get confused anymore. He can pinpoint the switch, the moment where his heart couldn't take anymore of his own games. It would be easy to say it was the second he saw your face when he came home but that wasn’t it. He’s sure he fell in love with you while he was with Lorraine. What a painful realization to have?  He’s been trying really hard to be a better man, but that fact right there— it sets him back. 

He remembers picking that orange out of your locker, he remembers desperately attempting to extend your interaction. He had been up in arms thinking about you, your face circling his brain during inappropriate moments. But as he followed you around the hall, chest constricting with every one of your movements, smiles, sighs—he knew he was a bad man. 

But in between the constant state of repentance for loving you while having someone else in his bed—he found himself basking in his love for you. Like on the drive back from your lacrosse game. It was rare that he rode alone, but Lorraine had work after the game. He pressed a goodbye to her cheek as she hopped in a friend's car. Standing at top of the hill, where the parking lot overlooked the field. You were still there, standing with wind bitten cheeks and dirt up the sides of your legs. Mouth guard dangling between your lips with a scowl as your friend Monica talked your ear off in between squirts of water.

Javier felt light headed and hard. He patted his pocket for his keys and turned on his heels to  quickly find refuge in his dad’s truck. 

He rolled his windows down when (I love you) For Sentimental Reasons by The Righteous Brothers rang through his truck speakers. Tapping the wheel, singing off key and picturing you blinking your pretty warm eyes at him with a shy smile like you did. He felt utterly ridiculous when he slowed at a red light and was faced with just how loud he was being. Tilting his baseball cap tighter to conceal his face as he mumbled the rest of the song. 

He realized he was in love with you in that truck.

He tells you in that truck half a decade later. 

And there is no singing, or wheel tapping. There certainly wasn’t a Texan breeze instead still heat down in the bayou. And you aren’t covered in dirt and amused, instead covered in tears and frozen. Your face crinkling with another wave of emotion as you lean your temple against the window. Brows creased, face covered in red blotches. “You—what?” You made a face like it was so shocking. Like you hadn’t been trying to tell him all weekend. 

“I said that I really love you.” He isn’t backing down, his voice is stern and unmoved. Despite wanting to crumble into you and hold you until you stop crying, he knows he can’t be weak here. With the same stern tone he follows a bit quieter, “And I’m not sayin’ it in the way I should’ve told you when we were kids—when you needed it the most, but I'm telling you now so you don’t doubt it.” When he had to be firm and strong a slight southern drawl rolls from his lips, he pulls from his father when he needs to be firm. Picking up on his linguistic patterns when it’s needed. 

Your cries are no longer audible but instead just cheeks lined clear. “Javi-“

“Loving you is easy, being in love with you has been much easier.” He turns forward once more, cranking the ancient truck with a rumble that hides another audible sob from you. “I’ll take us home. And when we’re home I’ll take care of you–I don’t care how it’ll look to your mom or your fuckin’ big brother.” And he begins to drive. Almost angry with his movements like he’s bothered that you’re shocked by his love. His jaw clenched as he drove away from the rolling lawns of rich Lousianians. There was no way of reading his mind but truthfully, he wasn’t upset with you–Javier? Never. He was running circles in his own head, fighting the urge to make a u-turn and beat your father to a pulp.

Instead he talks to keep you distracted more so himself. 

At that moment you wished you didn’t need to be cared for, but if it was anyone in charge of that job–you could only pray it was him. You hiccup.

“My feelings for you changed when I saw you in 7/11 all those years ago. I tried to act like seeing you like that didn’t fuck with me. I was crushin’ on you so badly I started acting like a damn fool.” He makes a sharp turn and you stare at him behind blurry eyes. “I’m sorry for taking so long to tell you. I know you’ve wanted to say it for a while. I couldn’t find it fair, I put you–us through all of this. I should be the one to say it first.” He sniffles and reaches a hand to the overhead compartment, taking his yellow tinted sunglasses. Effectively covering his eyes. 

It’s silent for a moment until you scoff. The sound has Javier’s neck snapping, it’s the first sound other than sobs. Your nostrils flare, and you almost laugh. Laugh at all of it. Laugh at the years you spent pining over someone who felt the same, at how stupid this all was. How you put so much value on a man who never bothered to find you or even care. Javier looks at you with concern as you short stop at a red light, he’s probably thinking you’ve gone mad. Giggling to yourself through red eyes. 

“You’ve always gotta beat me to it huh? You called me first, kissed me first, said I love you first. Shoot–even when we were kids, I would ignore you out of shyness but you always came running to say hi to personally torture a timid girl like me.” You shake your head and wipe your tears. You used to find it cruel, the way Javier had to always center you in every setting you were in. After every first move he’d make, you sat in your bed later that day thinking–damn if only I had done it before him. 

His lips twitched at their corners, his beautiful smile shining through, shaking his head and looking straight back at the changing light. “You snooze, you lose, baby.” He shrugs and steps on the gas. You sniffle still smiling, god you had whiplash from the emotions flowing through you. For now, for this moment, you were something that felt like content. Free maybe, free of a father who seemed to have his own head in his ass anyway. You were sad, yes, heartbroken even, but man did you feel lighter. You look to your boyfriend as he drives the car you practically grew up in. Sitting in the same seat you’ve sat in hundreds of times before. And you’re just so glad to be next to him. 

“Well then, I really love you too Javier.” 

His brow wrinkles above the shades, “I know.”

Four hours into the ten hour trip the two of you had stopped three times. It was late at night already, the two of you won’t make it until four am the next day at least. As the sun sets Javier asks you if Laredo feels like home to you. 

You wish you weren't so embarrassed about your answer. 

“Well, it didn’t feel like home when I was in Miami. I would come home for break and the house felt so empty. Frankie and Genie were traveling, and you were gone and Monica moved away–Liandra was abroad. I cried every night of January, missing the way it used to be. So I guess it feels like home when everyone’s home.”

Javi could have predicted the answer because it was the same for him. The emptiest he had ever felt was when he came home a few months ago to no one but his father. Laredo was home because of the people who loved him. 

Laredo felt like home this time around, it didn’t surprise him that New Orleans felt like home this weekend. Maybe it was because you were beside him.

Javi fell asleep at the wheel and you had to steer for a split second. It scared him so badly he allowed you to drive to the nearest motel. When you offered to drive the next stretch he looked to you with a firm scowl and that idea died fast. Locking up the car and paying a skeptically low price in between the border of Texas and Louisiana. 

The two of you crash in bed, your legs sprawled over his chest like a koala. He holds your head in the crook of his neck. If you weren’t so tired you would have taken advantage of another night alone. You tried, slowly making out-all tongue and quiet moans. Until he began to snore and you followed suit. 

Slapping the alarm at 6 am. Brushing your teeth, showering and changing into tiny shorts and a tank. Javier nearly chokes at the sight of you. 

The two of you head out on the road again.

 You’re sad once again once you gain sight of your house. Afraid to face your mother, knowing what you know. Afraid to sympathize with her in a way you never have before. You begin to cry again, practically begging Javier to turn around, begging him to drive to another motel. 

He promises to take you inside, “I’ll talk to her baby, I’ll take care of it. Let me take care of it.” He lets you breathe for a bit while he unloads your bags from the trunk. His sunglasses pushed over his hair, he somehow opened your door for you with busy hands. Leaning against the car, awaiting your strength.

Shutting your eyes tightly, once, then twice, blinking sense into your body. You step out into the stiff heat of home. Hair pooling at the front of your chest, sticking to your face in its natural waves, your eyes swollen, tips of your fingers brushing under your lashes. Drying all that you could. Javier stares at the ground and the two of you cross the street. 

“You head up to your room and unpack, I’ll talk to your mom. I’ll tell her to give you space. She can gather herself before the two of you– you know.” His hand grips the strap of your bag, how desperately he wished his hands were free so he could hold yours. You nod anyway, your own fingers coming up once more to feel the earring pierced in your lobe. It provides a strange swell in Javier’s chest. He was being so kind, offering to talk to your mother but you knew it had to be you first. How you ached to be taken care of, this though, this you had to do. You were in pain, what's a little more?

The front door is open anyway, you step through. 

Frankie, Genie and Melissa are all sat at the island. Frankie’s brows screwed in confusion, a smile splitting Genie’s face and Melissa with a frown. 

To hell with doing this on my own. 

“I’m going to unpack!” You blurt before anyone could utter a hello.

Startling everyone you run upstairs without your bags. Leaving Javier in the entryway with far too many bags for a weekend stay. Flip flops making a shockingly loud noise on the carpeted stairs. You turn the corner, your hands fumbling at the familiar coolness of your doorknob. You throw yourself into bed and immediately begin to panic. To hell with your dad, why was everyone here, for crying out loud? Of all times your selfish brother could stop by– today! You hoped to god Javier was down there using his DEA sweet talking skills. 

God it would be so much easier to snoop if this house wasn’t so damn massive. Goddamn inheritance.

 “Is she alright?” Genevieve asks, setting her tea down. Her shirt is tight enough to reveal the slightest formation of a bump. Frankie is giving Javier a death stare, all serious. Javier chuckles, setting down the bags and walking over to the bar in which they all huddled. Melissa hurried to pour him a glass of sweet tea. Javier nods a thank you. He hopes this conversation is quick so he could come upstairs with you. 

“She–” He sips, his eyes locked with Frankies. He’s trying to kill him with his mind, Javi thinks. He gets it for a second, showing up a day late with his sister who had obviously been crying. Thank god your hair was down, you had been marked up with hickies from the weekend. Javier changed his gaze and locked in on Melissa. “She met her father yesterday.”

Melissa did something Javier has never seen her do. The overly friendly yet passive aggressive lady, the total asshole that ran the Diaz household–Melissa Diaz– dropped her head in shame. 

Burying her face in her hands, not crying, no she doesn’t do that. She breathes slowly through her nose, muttering tiny sentences in Spanish, perhaps prayer. But Javier was distracted by her, distracted enough to miss Frankie having the same reaction. Muttering a Fuck, earning a squeeze from Genevieve. 

Melissa looks up from her hands, a wrecked expression–something between anxious and heartbroken. Javier felt so out of place delivering this news. “So she knows.” 

He nods, his attention turning back to Frankie who was now pacing with the bridge of his nose pinched. Javier understands Melissa, he understands why she never told you. Javier heard all that your father said, it truly had sounded like one of the most heart wrenching experiences a young mother could go through. But Frankie– “You knew?” Javier’s voice booms, he never wants to fight with your brother but Javier’s protective side is noxious. 

Frankie shakes his head, his hand dropping. “Course’ I knew!” He shouts back. 

“Tone it down!” Genie shouts and like always, Frankie listens with a deep breath. Javier calms it too, standing feet away from someone he calls his best friend. He wasn’t sure if that was even the case anymore, maybe if it was ever the case. 

“She was too damn sensitive. We were waiting until she was ready to let her know.” Frankie shakes his head, his eyes locking on the image hanging behind Javier’s head. You with a window space between your teeth in the first grade, eyes shut mid image. Javi has passed the image a million times, he knows the one from the way Frankies angry eyes settle. They settle in the way everyones does when they think of her, when they think of you.

“She’s twenty two.This experience was really hard for her–the-the things he said to her, Frankie.” He’s nearly choked up, his hand shaking as he gestures at the stairs, the anger was building in his chest and it wouldn’t go down. He turns to your mother whose eyes were wide and glassed “And Ms. Diaz, I sympathize with you. I really do. But you knew she was going to see him–she told you and all you could do was make her feel more alone. Threatening to kick her out?”

Frankie’s eyes snapped to his mothers now. “Mom? What?” Her lip quivered and for the first time in her life Frankie looked at his mother as if she wasn't a perfect reflection of mother Mary. Genie scoffs too. For a moment Javi feels bad for her, then his eyes fall to the fridge, fall onto a christmas magnet. Holding up a picture of the two of them on the couch of the church basement, her in a ridiculous dress and him in that cable knit sweater he loved once. 

In black ink,

A.D (16) y J.P (17) 1979.

And he’s reminded of the holidays. 

“I didn’t mean it. She just never listens to me. I told her not to go.” Her voice shook and there were tears, Javier had never seen the woman cry before. Not in this way. “She has a family here, I was hurt that she wanted a relationship with that man!”

Frankies furrowed brow relaxes for a moment and he’s back under the spell of his mother, he steps closer and Genie grabs her hand in comfort. “Mom, it’s alright–”

“Jesus fucking christ.” Javier laughs, rubbing his tired eyes. His eyes are tired of yellow lines, green lights and tearful eyes of the woman he loves. So fucking tired of being the only one who can see clearly even through all this exhaustion. The three shot glances back at Javier. Frankie scoffs an, how dare you curse in front of my crying mother sort of scoff. “You rarely treated that girl like family. She spent Thanksgiving with me! My dad has thrown her birthday parties since she was fourteen! I carried her to my house and my dad patched her knees. So I’m sorry that Andrea’s interest in a family elsewhere hurt your feelings.” Genie has covered her mouth in shock and the looks on your family's face could only be compared to one of a child who was just reprimanded by a teacher.

With his chest rising and falling in anger, Javier points at the fridge. Your mothers eyes snap to the polaroid image of a young tired you and a grinning Javier. 

“Andrea was fifteen in 1979.”

You fell asleep by the time Javier comes up to say goodbye. He watches you curled in a ball in the middle of your bed and he yearns to sneak in next to you. But he couldn't. Instead he opened your drawers and sat at the edge of your bed sorting your luggage. You surely did overpack, he feels a bit guilty for not giving you enough time to dress in all the pretty things you folded neatly. The silence rings out in your room, just enough for him to hear the mess he made down in the kitchen. He stayed as quiet as possible to  hear the bickering from upstairs. 

How dare he speak to me that way! He hears your mothers muffled screech. He also hears words of I’m calling his father. He snickers at that, how stupid. Shaking his head and placing your shorts in your second drawer (the one with the carving of your name in it, where all your shorts went) he surprisingly hears your brother respond. 

He–had a point mom, we haven’t been the best to her. You know that.

Javier freezes with his brows shot high. Javi never really included your brother in the blame until recently. In high school he just thought his best friend was an immature shitty older brother– that's the way brothers were. But the older Javier got older the more he thought about you, the more he thought about your mother and your brother. The more bitter the taste on his tongue settled. From the recent stern talks he had with Frankie he saw that he cared but for things that truly didn’t matter as much. Scalding in anger at the thought of his sister with Javi but completely indifferent to the neglect he cosigned. 

Javier never thought he would hear Frankie agree with him on this topic. So he stayed frozen and quiet enough to hear him.

We tried–I tried. Melissa cries. Javier finds it hard to feel any sympathy for your mother.

Obviously not hard enough–thanksgiving! 

Was that true? She spent thanksgiving alone? Genie’s voice slipped in. 

There was a scoff, It was only three times! 

Javier decides to stop listening.

You wake up at eight in the night and realize your sleep schedule is fucked. You had a week to recover. The upcoming Saturday was finally the wedding and the second round of summer school doesn't pick up again until the end of June. You felt Javier kiss you goodbye in your slumber. You also knew at about 6 pm your mother slipped into your room and spoke to your half asleep body. Your back faced her as your body slept but your mind wasn’t. You could hear words unspoken by her once before. You almost heard sniffling but you weren’t sure. 

He wasn’t ready and I was. I was so angry–I’m still so angry and I take it out on you–Andrea, forgive me. She kisses your shoulder, and your mind tells you to flinch but your sleepy body leans into her rare affection. 

She says I’m sorry, I’m sorry I don’t know to be your mother. 

You're not comforted but you're relieved to hear it. 

You chose not to forgive her. But you listen while she tells you the story of your life in all honesty for the first time. 

Your mom doesn't ask you to take care of your baby sister, you offer it instead. You watch her practice her wedding speech. She cries at each attempt and if you weren’t so upset you would laugh with her about it. You miss Javier dearly, it's only been a day but you suppose you’ve been spoiled rotten by the weekend away. You think of calling him the second you woke up but you decide to cool it. You pick up your sister from the living room floor and walk her around the neighborhood in the new stroller your step-dad bought. You saw them in a catalog a few months back, gasped at the price and closed it quickly. 

You suppose it was nice to be alone, you spent the entire walk thinking of your father, of your mother. You pictured your half sisters, people who hadn’t been a thought in your head until two days ago. You wondered if they suffered differently, maybe they suffered more having a man so cold in their lives. On your way to the park you pass a flyer for Peña’s Ranch Hand, and you don’t cry about your father for the first time. You walk right past the park and end up at Chucho Peña’s residence. Not for Javier, just for his father. 

Don Chucho is smiling ear to ear when he finds you with little Sol, he says “Javi isn’t home mama.” You laugh and surprise him by saying you were here to see him. 

You recline your napping sister and sit at the dinner table, served with sweet tea. You laugh for a few hours while he tells you stories of a young Javier accidentally overfeeding his first fish named, papi, because that was the only word he knew. He tells you he would smell the weed from the basement almost every time, you drop your face in your hands in embarrassment. You all truly thought you were insulation masters with the door crack stuffed with towels. “That smell came straight upstairs, I was just happy you guys weren’t out on the streets you know.”

The sun sets and you thank him for always being there. He kisses your head and says, “You have always been like a daughter to me, thank you.” You decided maybe you could be alright with this little family. 

You reassemble the stroller and the door opens before you could even reach for it. Your face is met by a small breeze and the imposing view of Javier in a suit. His face had been his natural tough set, pouted and bothered to be alive. He doesn’t register it’s you for a moment, but his face softens entirely when he realizes his eyes weren’t deceiving him.  Your lips quirk and your head flies to look behind your shoulder to find the hall completely empty, Chucho out of view. Javier looks too and wastes no time in leaning forward to press a quick kiss to your lips. “Leaving so soon?” He whispers before standing up straight.

You blush like a schoolgirl, gripping the stroller with your life. “Yeah, just wanted to visit your dad.” You jut your chin at your sleeping sister. “Also she fell asleep during our walk.”

Javier’s eyes brighten at the sight of Soleil sleeping so peacefully. “Qué preciosa.” He kneels running his knuckle across her cheek and something in your belly tightens at the sight. “I can take you two home.” He says once she straightens up again, with a groan like an old man. You look out the door behind him, the sky still bright pink and the sun warm. 

“I’ll walk, I’ll call when I get home.” You smile and he nods. You look over your shoulder once more. “See you later baby.” You step on your tip-toes and kiss his cheek, you head on your way. 

Javier watches you leave until you're out of sight and he begins to breathe funny. He’s almost glad it's him that has to leave at the end of this because he can't bear it be you to walk away. 

[f1-disaster-bi]

Would you ever write something for Party AU that looks at landos relationship with sex after everything that happened? I was curious in the two year follow up fic cause it seemed like he still had issues with being touched. Do you have any headcanons about that part of his relationship with Dan?

Absolutely I do! And I love this ask!

In the update where he is two years sober, Lando does still have moments where he has issues with touch.

His issues with touch by this point more extends towards situations where his anxiety is high, or say in places like bars and clubs where Lando always feels a little bit more off kilter because he's surrounded by things he has to resist. In those settings, touch can be a big trigger for Lando. Sometimes he is okay if someone he knows and trust touches him suddenly, but they know it's better to ask.

When he is at track or one of their homes or his and Dan's apartment, and it's a good day, touch is easy.

However it is something he and Dan had to struggle with at the start when they were dating. Lando was a year sober, and he was in a pretty good mental space but they still took it slow. There was a lot of talking between them. They talked about what Lando was comfortable with in terms of where Dan could touch him sexually and non-sexually. Sex was something slow. It took a lot to build up to, and started with Lando being in control or on top a lot so he could feel comfortable, but Lando had always felt safe with Daniel, so even being under Daniel eventually was something he could handle. Still, it took a lot of trial and error. There were moments where Lando or Daniel called out their safe word (banana hammock), and stopped to talk about things

It takes a lot of talking, and boundaries, and eventually, they come up with the idea to always ask. So if they're getting hot and heavy, and one of them wants to blow the other, they just quickly ask "yes or no to a blowie?", or "I want you to finger me, yes or no?", because that gives Lando autonomy over what he wants to do or have done to him, but it also gives Daniel comfort because Lando is explicitly consenting to everything which calms his nerves. He was always terrified of doing something that would trigger Lando so this makes it easier for them both.

Lando does have bad days. Sometimes things creep up on him and he might not even realize how he's feeling until Daniel touches him somewhere and suddenly Lando is stepping back because his head suddenly got loud. There have definitely been moments, especially at the start where Lando pushed himself too hard and fast and ended up flinching away from Dan, but they make sure to talk about it. Dan never wants Lando to feel guilty about something he can't control, and Lando never wants Dan to think that Lando sees him as a threat

After the two year fic where Lando's drink is swapped, they do struggle. Lando has a lot of guilt around that night, and he feels like he's let Dan and their friends down at first, and he's in a bad space, so Dan or anyone touching him, just makes him feel wrong and he hates it. Having Koa definitely helps because after they get him, he can lie on Lando when Lando is feeling that sort of way, and give Lando the comfort he needs while Dan talks him through it, and Koa even does the same for Dan when Dan feels down about things or about not being able to make Lando's pain go away

[keyh0use]

why I've been absent & tw for m*rder, su*cide

I know I don't really owe anyone an explanation but I want to give one for my own piece of mind because I feel so guilty. Back in February I was injured really badly and hospitalised, and a couple days later my cousin, Christopher, was brutally murdered in prison. As a CO myself I've seen it happen more times than I can stomach to think about so it wasn't a huge shock, but we had gotten close over the last couples years, trying to provide him the support the rest of our family has denied him since his sentencing. Amongst so many other things we surprisingly had in common, he wrote too (not the same content as me, obviously, lol) and he was willing to provide me with a perspective I could only speculate on in Delicate, going over the relationships and how he would feel reconnecting with the person who got him incarcerated, like Rafe does with Barry in the story. And he succumbed to his injuries all by himself, no funeral, no obituary and I clung to that fic, terrified if anyone read it and criticised it I would literally never write again. As a distraction I put all my efforts into a story where Rafe tries to follow in his mothers footsteps by committing suicide, I just felt the heartache for it. My first funeral was for my aunt and uncle, Chris' parents, also murdered and the comparisons kept coming until I finished it. Then the same thing happened, it felt too real and vulnerable to share. So I tried writing something lighter, couldn't. Vampires? Blood, killing. Reminded me too much of what it felt like to be really hurt. And like what happened to someone I cared deeply for. As the months went by I pushed myself way too hard to get better physically and emotionally, pressured myself to sit through movies that made me uncomfortable to try and associate violence with actors instead of myself and ended up just getting way, way worse when I faced my attacker in court. Things slowed down after that, I tried to give myself a break that didn't make me feel guilty, ignored all the messages and comments asking for updates, just stayed off this side of social media all together so I wouldn't be reminded I'm not giving people the content they follow me for. My grandfathers cancer progressed, I spent a lot of time with him thankfully, and he committed medically assisted suicide the day of my best friends wedding rehearsal. The next night? Love of my life confesses his feelings for me but it's too late, we never said anything over the last 11 or so years and a couple weeks ago he married someone else. We buried my grampy, miscommunication tropes are super fun to write about but absolutely suck in real life, and I'm still not really feeling up to posting anything. All this to say I'm really sorry if I'm disappointing anyone. All I can do is promise I'm trying to figure everything out and that I haven't abandoned any works.

[ceilidho]

Hi, really strange question, so feel free to ignore, but how do you deal with the constant surge of content - art, really. You seem to be a generally more well known/viewed blog, and so I'm sure you've developed quite a community on here, whether it be people you know or interactions with other artists. And I've been following you for quite some time, and I always get excited when I see the "updated now" for your blog. But (here is my actual question), do you ever get overwhelmed knowing that you can't read/see/experience everything? I'm very new to social media, and online spaces in general, and it's generated this fear in me that if I don't keep up with what has been posted by those I follow, I am now suddenly lost. Missing a piece of what should have been catalogued in my mental history. Fanfiction has become such a relief in my life now, and I've gained this new appreciation for human creativity and the beauty of sharing yourself in your art. But I am constantly left wondering that if I miss something, will I also miss an opportunity. I love learning more, and reading, and viewing; appreciating beauty in this lifetime, but I don't know how to combat the overwhelming feeling when I cannot keep up with those who I admire, what's left of me, simply as a viewer?

Oh absolutely!!!! I wrote about this in another post around the traditional publishing industry in general and this overwhelming sense of FOMO that’s super evident in both readers and writers (for readers, that they won’t be part of the current discourse and won’t be part of the reading community, and for writers that they won’t keep up with demand and lose their reader base to other more prolific writers or just to new trends in general because to be honest, the constant microtrends in the book community are hard to keep up with even if you are a relatively fast writer).

I think I’m lucky that for some reason I tend to write very fast - I have a solid backlist of ideas, when I do sit down to write it tends to all come out at once, I (fingers crossed) haven’t dealt with a really bad bout of writers block in awhile - but yeah even I sometimes have moments where I feel guilty that I’m not writing enough. I think it’s super easy to feel like people are simply going to forget about you if you take any time off or if you start a multi chaptered fic and it takes you awhile to finish it.

And I won’t lie, sometimes that pressure isn’t just imagined! Most people that leave comments like “more people!” “Part 2??” “I need more of this!!” are simply expressing their love and I understand that, like I’m not completely insensitive to that (some creators tend to take it very very personally and I understand that too but I think we all have to have a little bit of grace and understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt), but I will say that I have gotten some seriously rude comments before about taking too long to finish a fic. There is a grain of truth to the fear that some readers will lose their patience with you for simply taking your time to write.

I experience this more as a “creator” rather than a reader (tbh I don’t feel much guilt about not being able to keep up with what my mutuals are posting because I know it’s always there for me when I’m ready) - although actually now that I’m saying this, I take that back. I do sometimes feel very very guilty when I don’t have time to get into a friend’s fic. Oh wow yeah that was a huge lie, I DEFINITELY have felt extremely guilty before about not having enough time to read someone’s fic and feeling like I’m letting them down in some way and not adequately supporting them. Yikes. Goes to show ya.

I am hoping that as more and more people become aware of this that people will start appreciating slowness and ephemerality - taking your time to read or write something, starting incomplete fics just to appreciate them even if they’re short lived or never completed, forgiving yourself for not being able to read everything or write everything right now and realizing that you’ll get to it when you get to it. It’s easier said than done and I do feel guilty sometimes about perpetuating this by being a very fast writer, but yeah! Unfortunately it’s sort of on each of us to do this since the very medium of social media demands instant gratification - tumblr and ao3 (the latter by virtue of being an archive) are perhaps the least egregious of them, but it’s definitely in the nature of social media to induce this kind of behaviour.