#I even have posts well into July
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Filled my queue up today! For the month of June our blog schedule will look like the following:
š Sanrio Legacy posts Mon-Thurs 10:00 & 10:30 AM EST
š» Not So Scary Legacy posts Fri-Sun 10:00 & 10:30 AM EST
#I even have posts well into July#at this rate I'm going to have enough posts to keep my blog alive all summer lmao#ramblings
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing thatš)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tallš#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top āi know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATESā#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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yeah that ship is fine it's whatever (<- hates it badly but doesn't have any reason to and doesn't want to seem like an ass over it)
#it might be bc im aro and so every character is aro until/unless proven otherwise to me#but sometimes it's not even that like itll be between two Likely allo characters that would be compatible#EXAMLE wally x julie welcom home before that interview segment#i hated it badly and could not discern why. but then that interview segment happened and now i xan confidently say i hate it bc Wel#Well I Think Wally Is Aromantic :]#i also didnt like wally x barnaby. sorry. god forbid pepole have friends /jokey#on <-that note i also hate julie x frank bc. Theyre Friends. and frank x eddie is right there and are Together in the Out Of Universe stuff#ANYWAY thats getting off topic i just wanted to use the wally julie one as example and it devolved into wh ship opinions. sorrgy#god forbid people have friends. end of post#words from the monarch#i am NOT tagging wh i am lot letting that potential Discourse into my home
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Donāt mind me sprinting to try and get this thought in order before the Anime Expo panel. I need it to be out in the wild Just In Case.
So, a few of the Gung Ho Guns have gotten reworked for Stampede, yes? To varying degrees.
Ninelives is apparently not a horrific flesh mech, Dark Souls boss thing, according to the end credits of episode 3.
E.G. the Mine just got a HUGE upgrade and didnāt get owned 3 seconds after he showed up.
Monev was an actual character with a fubar backstory and emotional impact instead of just Some Guy who trained in a basement for years specifically to kill Vash. (and Orange is SO EVIL for this)
Elendira is. *gestures futilely* There is so much going on there but yeah. Sheās going to be terrifying once she achieves adult body and loses (drops?) the childish attitude. Also because of the whole Plant hybrid thing her nails truly are literally infinite sooooo.
So I have some thoughts about Hoppered the Gauntlet.
In Trimax, Gauntletās narrative weight comes from the fact that he makes Vash remember, which by extension makes US, the reader, understand what July really meant. Before that we had heard mention of it a few times as āa city destroyed in a single nightā and talk of there being āno survivorsā but we had no actual connection to it, and also no real idea if that was even true. But in Stampede, we saw July happen. We were there. So even if Vashās memory is still shot afterwards, and he doesnāt remember Lost July, we the audience DO. So having the Dragonās nest play out exactly the same isnāt going to have the same narrative punch in the gut that it did in Trimax. It canāt.
Thereās also the fact that, given how weāve met most of the major players in the story, or had them mentioned at least (hi Milly), it feels kind of Oddā¢ that we havenāt seen someone has emotionally impactful as Gauntlet yet.
Unless we have.
We saw with Rollo/Monev that Orange is willing to have the personās regular name be one thing and then have a second Eye of Michael code name. I suspect that is going to happen with Gauntlet; either because EoM or because he has decided on his own to lie about who he was.
And yes, I do in fact have someone in mind.
I checked myself the translation there is accurate; the only change I would make is calling the gun āgaudyā instead of āshinyā but thatās not a huge deal. Also for the record, the original tweet is from Jan. 11, well before he makes his reappearance for the season finale. So when it talks about a āreappearanceā, it is talking about seeing him again in July. Original tweet here, tweet containing the translation here.
I think Chuck Lee is going to be our Gauntlet. That he made it just far enough out of the city to survive, but that he was badly maimed in the process, and that his family didnāt make it. Heās the ONLY member of the military police with a unique design. He has an actual name, and the director himself tweeted about his backstory. His gun is so unusual that we would recognize it anywhere. Hell, I referred to him as āthe gold gun guy from episode oneā when one of my friends didnāt recognize him immediately. His gun is so incredibly recognizable. Almost like we need to be able to recognize him by that alone, when everything else about him has changed.
THIS could be how narrative weight for Gauntlet is established in the Stampede universe when it canāt be done the same way as in Trimax. Taking a character who has, in a way, also been with the audience ALL ALONG, who was there with us for two pivitol moments, the beginning and the awakening, but who comes at it from such a horrifically different angle and bringing him back in such an agonizing way. Because he was very much in the wrong with his stunt at Jeneora Rock, but his rage over the loss of his family in July would be justified, even if we know it wasnāt Vashās fault.
(Also, the IRONY of him ending up as one of Knivesās lackeys when Knives is the one that caused all of this? Damn.)
Footnote: I have Thoughts on why they can get away with adding Milly to The Squad late. That is a whole other Thought but tldr; (and also I havenāt actually written it out) Milly is the most perceptive of all of them she doesnāt NEED an extended intro to Vash to Know.
#yelling about: trigun stampede#season 2 theory#posting this so I have proof if I'm somehow right#(I would scream) (so loud)#no one ask me how long I spent verifying that translation I am absolute trash at kanji (also I don't actually know)#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#hoppered the gauntlet#lost july#trigun stampede season 2#trigun stampede theory#gung ho guns#chuck lee#(I almost forgot him whoops. does he even have a tag lol)#please imagine me having this thought and sitting up like nosferatu#did I forget something? probably. oh well YEET
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this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there ā nsft under cut
meronia event prompt(s): scar
#death note#mello#near#meronia#meroniaevent#fem mello#fem near#i had fun w this one!! i love drawing yuri even though i dont do it nearly as much as i want lol#also i love drawing bush thumbs up emoji#i let the lines be messier bc my hands have been a little sore and i am not in the mood for linework#and in honor of yuri day i should get to do whatever i want forever peace and love on planet yuri#anyway i didnt know what to do w near's hair but decided to keep it short bc i didnt want to cover her back for composition reasons#sorry for posting so late i woke up at like 10am which is late for me as of late and had school shit to do boooo#also im in the mood to talk so i made a pot pie today (no meat im vegetarian) and i followed no recipes and used my heart to make#it and i did so well it fucks so hard my heart always leads me to greatness and recipes do nothing for me bc im a culinary genius#<-blatantly untrue but we stay silly#oh!!! and also i got a thing in the mail the thing being a weevil plushie i ordered a bit back that i bought on a whim that i should not#have bought bc im saving my money but actually he makes my life a million bajillion times better and i love him dearly#anyway meronia event is making my life so much better i feel 100% better than i did 2 days ago and hopefully the joy this brings#me will stay w me for long enough to get through the rest of my summer classes bc they are killing me lol. my current ones are ending#in like a week or smth but i have 2 more in july *sobs* all this just to graduate a semester early#k anyway enjoy the yuri ...or dont. im not the boss of u. ig
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hello again everyone i'm putting on my tinfoil jester hat & passing out Hefty grains of salt. its batshit theory time!
in short: i think Julie is gonna get violent & might end up killing someone - or she'll at least try. and i'm pretty sure something terrible is gonna happen to her.
in long: hoo boy. strap in
first off, i'd like to say that i love womens' wrongs And rights! all of this is said with utmost affection & respect for Julie. i love it when characters do terrible things, its interesting and so tasty for the story and their development <3
second disclaimer: most of this is just based off of what we have / know as of now. which is, admittedly, not much! so despite having short arms, i may be reaching very far! i'll get the based-on-knowledge part of my thoughts out of the way before getting into the more abstract I'm Just Making Shit Up At This Point part (educated guessing, yk yk!)
not sure where to start so i'll begin with what starting this line of thinking - flower symbolism. I've gone a little bit into it in a previous post from a while back (where i just made observations about the neighborhood map), but i'll restate the relevant parts. there are two flowers in the neighborhood with greek myths attached, and similar ones at that: the hyacinths outside of the Post Office, and the sunflowers outside of Frank's house.
most people know the hyacinth myth! Apollo, while playing metal frizbee with his (male) mortal lover Hyacinthus, Apollo's thrown discus bounced off of the ground and accidentally hit Hyacinthus in the head, killing him - then Apollo turned the spilled blood into the hyacinth flower. in another - popular - version of the myth, the wind god Zephyrus was jealous and blew the discus off course to kill Hyacinthus. as for sunflowers: Clytie, a nymph, was in love with Apollo and grew jealous of his relationship with a princess, Leucothoe. Clytie informed Leucothoe's father of the relationship, and he buried Leucothoe alive as punishment. Apollo turned his murdered lover into a sunflower. two flowers attached to greek myths about Apollo falling for a mortal, and that mortal gets murdered by a jealous non-mortal.
next, I would like to bring attention to This Concept Artwork from 2021. now i'm not gonna use this as a definitive "oh this exists so it must mean-" but there are always elements of concept work, especially Canon concept work, that sticks or can allude to themes or information that will be revealed later in the story. concepts are concepts for a reason - it means there's a solid idea that's being explored in depth, most times for use (especially that deep into the story crafting).
specifically, right now i'd like to look at the type of flower Julie is holding. pansies. normal ones + the primary fucked up pansy. pansies are symbols of love - both romantic and platonic, but predominantly platonic. it can also symbolize nostalgia, thought, admiration, remembrance, and can even be used as an "i'm sorry" flower. in victorian times, it was often used to represent forbidden/secret love.
stick with me, i'm getting to the point i promise
now, another thing is how much of Julie's character (meta-wise & in regards to the WH show as a production) is centered around love. her house is the "cutest" or most feminine one in the neighborhood, and it's downright infested with hearts, from the windows to the bushes to the chimney. she exists as Frank's foil, and it's almost definitive that she was meant to be Frank's love interest (there's just. so much evidence that there's no way that's not it). and just look at her! she looks like a love interest! if WH was a real show that i sat down to watch, i'd see her and immediately go "oh, ok, that's her base role"
this contradicts with what we know of her character - Julie seems big on platonic love, loving her friends, but other than that? she very much steps around what her house/character design is trying to say. she's hopscotching right over what the production wants from her. the only thing she kinda sticks with is the whole flower thing
but. but but but. i wonder! after the update, I'm pretty confident that the neighbors are influenced by the "script" and the workshop, even if they're not aware of it. see: the difference in how they act in the "recovered media" (where they behave more like they're characters playing out a bit, their dialogue has no natural lulls and it just sounds like a (really good) script) vs the 14 audios & the phone calls (natural dialogue, they seem more layered & like actual people instead of just characters, there's no set shenanigan - they're just doing their own things). and we can assume that the latter audios are from the neighbors off-script off-the-air.
despite this, they still somewhat try to fill their roles. the question is: how much of that is authentic, and how much is them still feeling that pressure to perform? just like how We as people feel pressure and expectation from societal rules/norms, even if we're not conscious of it. like, say... kids growing up thinking being queer is wrong, even if they've never been directly exposed to / made aware of homophobia/transphobia. We fill in the absence of being told "this is right" with "it must be wrong", and We act accordingly
so apply that to sapient puppets who were (again, most likely) made with set relationships, dynamics, and character details in mind. they're meant to be This Way, even if they want to be That Way, and that internal "programming" has to conflict, at least a little. like how I've seen Clown mention that homophobia will/may be a theme, and the only way i can see that happening among puppets who have never been directly exposed to it is if the above happens: they feel pressure from something they're unaware of. expectation from a "higher" plane of existence. as above, so below.
OKAY NOW WE'RE GETTING TO IT I PROMISE! blend this all together into Frank & Eddie catching feelings. they weren't meant to fall in love. they're not supposed to be together. it's - from the perspective of Playfellow & society (in the time period WH was active/created) - wrong.
Julie is supposed to be with Frank. Frank is supposed to be with Julie. in a way, they are together - they're best friends. they're foils. they were created to compliment each other and click. in the media audios, they're almost always together. if one of them is in a scene, so is the other.
so what happens if Frank starts to pull away? if he starts to spend more time with Eddie - what if Julie feels like she's being pushed out? what if she asks Frank to come play, only to be told he already has plans with Eddie, and if Julie tries to join in, what if Frank tells her no?
if it were me in this situation, I think I'd start to panic a little. everything has always been the same - it's always been Frank and Julie. that's how it's supposed to be. Frank and Eddie, well that's just - that's just wrong! and if, at this hypothetical point in the story, things are tangibly starting to degrade/go wrong, Julie might cling even harder, panic even more.
you see where I'm going with this? what i meant with the flower symbolism and what it could point to?
their world is falling apart, and Julie's one constant - Frank, her best friend, her grumpy rock - is pulling away. for Eddie. the mailman. and so what if the jealous "lover" takes action? Julie can make things go back to normal. she needs Frank, and in her mind she's losing him, but she can't lose him. she can't. and maybe that little whisper of expectation that she can't hear but feels nonetheless, fuels this fire. it makes her feel justified, makes her feel the need to act and "correct" this. maybe if she gets rid of the distraction, Frank's love and attention will be hers once more.
i mean, people do insane things when they're under that much pressure. from current probably-horrible events, a loss of control in their own life, their closest person seemingly distancing themselves, subconscious pressure from societal expectation. especially when it comes to love - platonic or romantic. w/ Julie, i'm pretty sure it's platonic in regards to Frank. though she is bi, so you never know! could be both!
and maybe it won't be about Frank & Eddie, if any of this turns out to even a little right. maybe there's a factor I'm not considering or haven't seen yet. but i really do think that there are things pointing to it.
like yeah, the Concept Art linked above. the caption saying "liar", the specific species of flower, Julie holding it over her mouth as if keeping a secret, the hammer. not sure if the person standing over her is her primary puppeteer, an abstract, or something else (it seems cracked?) but that's not what this theory is about!
then there's the flower patch - both behind her in the concept art, and the one behind her house on the map. it's striking me now that the two look very similar. they have mostly the same flowers, even. blue/yellow/white/orange "daisies", some daffodils, what i think are roses (it's hard to tell specifics on the map). an odd choice to make them so similar (unless it's coincidence!).
when I first saw the patch, my immediate thought was "holy shit is that a body dump?!" bc it's oddly green compared to the rest of the map, it's placed at a noticeable distance behind Julie's house - as if it's supposed to be "hidden", and it's the lushest spot in the neighborhood. now, to provide a counterargument to my own claim: it could be very green because that's how things are shaded, it looks like it's at a distance from the house bc the map is 2D, and its the lushest spot bc Julie's all about flowers - also, i doubt flowers would spontaneously grow since we can assume none of them are real. it's a puppet world of props. but who knows.
(and okay this might or might not be relevant but we can assume Julie is the one who made the chalk drawings on the path, right? i think there's a spiral in front of her house. just making a note of it.)
and there's just how much "pressure" seems to be on Julie compared to the others. she doesn't match her house. she doesn't fit her "role" the way she's meant to. AND OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT - by the swingset, there's now a bowling ball and what looks like red scissors. idk about you guys but i associate scissors with Eddie. he's all about crafts, after all! now i'm really reaching but hey? murder weapon? Julie does seem fond of bowling balls... that's a perfect bludgeoning weapon to have on hand (in abundance!)
in conclusion, i just think Julie has major potential to do some deliciously fucked up stuff. in fact, i hope she does! it could be handled/done in an absolutely fascinating way, and could have intriguing consequences.
who knows, maybe i'm right about her trying to get rid of Eddie (not out of malice or anything, just fear & pressure), and there'll be a whole thing where he keeps on coming back, completely unaware that she tried to off him, bc he's a puppet and it's probably really tough to kill something that wasn't really alive in the first place. i mean, in This Observation post i made about some new map secrets, there's a strange window shine on the Post Office door that could be spelling out either "nexus" or "new us". that plus the apparent extra hands/faces behind the door... Eddie is quite accident prone. who's to say he's not used to being replaced by himself? it's not like he'd remember. or is that the reason his memory is bad? holy shit wait - no wait this is a tangent. sorry. this post is about Julie lmao maybe i'll make a different post for this Eddie Thought i just had bc ough. ough...
and also, before anyone tries to come at me - because there's always people who twist words to Start Shit or misinterpret/miss the point - i'm not saying that Julie is like... homophobic. or hates Eddie. or is a "jealous crazy-" just. yk? and if you think that, maybe reread the post. or take a reading comprehension class <3
AS FOR THE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING TO JULIE. this is based on Two things and also Vibes. this section will be mercifully short compared to the rest of this clusterfuck of a post
so in the Livestream Trivia doc compiled by @/theneighborhood watch, yes i'm referencing this again sorry, there's this tidbit:
that, plus This Artwork, which features Julie (they're her shoes!) standing at the edge of an apparent chasm (the edge of the set, i assume) paints an interesting hypothetical picture. maybe she wanders a little too far and falls off the edge of her world. maybe she discovers something and Wally has to do something he doesn't want to do, but "needs" to. hey, who knows. maybe she is gonna hurt / try to hurt someone, and in an attempt to save them / stop her, Wally pushes her - either accidentally or on purpose, either way the end result would be the same. now I'm just pulling things out of my ass so lets move on lmao
then there's the Unknown Record in the website's media section. i actually recorded the audio and sped it up - i'll post that video later - and it seems to be an excerpt from Alice in Wonderland. the only part of it i've been able to clearly pick out is "Alice found herself falling down.... down... down..." followed by, presumably Alice speaking - who's high pitched voice reminds me of Julie's. so that's another point in the Julie Goes Bye-Bye Via Rapid Descent theory. or just goes temporarily missing! it could be that the only relevant part of the above trivia tidbit is the "falling down a cavern", and not the "never seen again" part. but it could. be. both.
though! though. Clown has stated that if all the neighbors were to take on roles in Alice in Wonderland, Wally is the one who would be Alice. which follows his direct connection to the spiral/eye pit, and the phrase "down the rabbit hole". so it could be either or. it could be both! it could be neither! this is all speculation, which brings us to....
the end! we made it! i hope you're still carrying your Hefty grains of salt! soon you'll be able to fill a large chicken-shaped shaker with it all!
#ok ive been feeling a little Clearer upstairs lately so i think this is actually written the way i wanted#the brain fog lifted just enough to be insane on main!#sorry about all the flower symbolism#i just think its there on purpose! why choose those specific flowers! why Draw specific flowers in a fictional puppet world#where not even the animals are real species! theyre just generic/fictional 'butterfly' 'beetle' etc#and how eddie and frank's main flowers are practically the same story just in different fonts#how julie is 'meant' to be frank's lover. the meanings of the pansy. the flower patch.#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#wh theory#homebogging#'i connected the dots' you didnt connect shit 'ive connected them'#i stg im gonna eat drywall....#and hey. maybe this is all just wishful thinking#i love it when fictional women do bad things. its catnip to me!#we'll see we'll see#wow i actually dont have much to say in the tags. i put it all in the main post. this is a rarity!#i just think it would be interesting if julie clashed with frank/eddie#that could be downright Fascinating...#well whatever happens ill enjoy it! im im right - awesome! if im wrong - awesome!
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gurathin, thiago, indah...starting to get the sense that if murderbot didn't have any specific person playing the role of "someone i deep down respect who i'm convinced hates me" at any given time, presaux would have to assign someone, for enrichment purposes
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#mb needs an anti-support human. like instead of a service dog it has a human that frowns at it sometimes#and it interprets these frowns as 'oh i guess this human just HATES ME. i guess we're ENEMIES. but WHATEVER I'M FINE WITH IT'#even though that's just what this human's face does when they're thinking really hard or something#like i'm rereading network effect and every time mb is cranky about thiago not liking it i'm like. babe you are reading way into it#he's skeptical. you love skepticism! he does not hate you he's just being cautious#in some ways quite similar to you really#'thiago doesn't trust me. how DARE HE' babe we have been here before#that's exactly what you said about gurathin!#i mean is he an asshole? yes. but so are you and so is your best mutual administrative assistant. you love assholery#i just think it's funny that 1) mb trusts no one until it knows them really well and 2) mb is SO OFFENDED when people who don't know it#super well don't trust it fully and implicitly right off the bat#my posts#f#well it's christmas and i don't have anywhere to be today because my family stuff is on monday this year. so i am very bored#you know what that means. deep dive into the drafts#also probably trying to find an ask meme to reblog#this draft is from july i think
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dear um. Scott pilgrim nation i actually have a question: what the heck did this very normal reaction to his friend coming out as gay actually Mean. any and all thoughts will be accepted because i barely have any idea
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim vs the world#at 1st i was like. maybe hes glad to have another chance to jab at julie for her ābeing a bitchā?#BUT SURELY he csnt be THAT glad he didnt even *hate her* hate her right???#āscott pilgrim cancelled for being a fujoshi š«µš«µš«µā as one of my friends put it#hes disrespectful as fuck towards lesbians but he couldnt possibly be as well towards gay guys he has a gay guy best friend. what is this.#appearing from the void once again to post the most uncharacteristic things on my account yes#(im p sure none of my mutuals are into scott (the media) in any capacity)#(hello mutuals)#(waves my hand at you shyly /j)#.txt#im so perplexed by this you dont understand#i understand being glad for your friend living his true life and stuff BUT WHY WAS HE SO āomg omg *stimming hands*ā about it ?! ?! ?!
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you probably won't even care about yakuza by the time the plushies are out if we go by your track record
i cant even deny this cause my interests do tend to have a shelf life of one year and it'll be one year come june
#snap chats#i got back into rgg in june last year despite only really starting to make public fanart for it in july#i wouldnt say i wouldnt care wholly tho like im still hyped for DB stuff despite not drawing for it#like BT4 just got announced and im fuckin nutting to see gameplay of that#and i still keep up with the new jojo manga- even if i havent read 7 and 8 yet ā ļø#wait can i say really quick my fucking computer auto updated to windows 11 and its fucking with me so bad#trying to grab that emoji made me want to die eveyrthing is so fucking SQUISHY#its not a matter of i wont care for it i just wont be so fixated on it#but who's to say it's hard for me to get into new things- like all the things i was recently into (db/kh/rgg)#they were all things i liked in the past that i figured id revisit during the pandemic#oh well. now im compelled to keep rgg posting for another year to spite this LMAO#i mean LAD8 is coming out next year not to mention gaiden#like i still very much have reasons to keep watching the series and the sort#who wants to find that fuckin. post i made mapping out my interests over time cause i needa check the data
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.
#tw trauma#venting#i know it's been over two years now and i should probably stop thinking/talking about this#but i can't get over how my ex behaved towards me despite knowing my past and trauma#how he kept pushing my boundaries and making me feel bad for even setting them despite very well KNOWING my reasons#like this dude KNEW about my past and STILL behaved this way#how he wanted me to āget help for my issuesā but only as a disguise to get what HE wants#telling me that if i didn't get a therapist within the next year he'd break up#i forced myself to do things i never wanted and now deeply regret#i set a boundary and could watch it being ignored weeks later#when i broke up with him he wished terrible things for me and told me to fuck myself#and even after that he kept on trykng to contact me on every possiblr social media months after#last time he contacted me was in july this year.....we broke up OVER 2 YEARS AGO#i'm glad i left but i have so much unresolved shit that i just cannot let it go#like that shit sits deep#this is so much oversharing i'm so sorry#will probably regret posting this and delete but i had to get it out#can't keep annoying my friends with this#again sorry
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I didnt even watch the musical yet and my google tabs are all just
#and i don't even have my own money#hadestown#this bitchs been in my mind for so long#and I'll only be able to watch it on July#i wanna timeskip. can i??#PLEASE PLASE PLEASE#WAAAAAIT FOR MEEEH#IM COMIIIING#and then i remember that time is a social construct#nvm ill just sleep till there#see you. you ugly 72-days-left.#also im so used to typing out 'reblog' in the tags that i do so even in my original posts#well i think that's all i had to say for this one#(continues quietly humming the lyrics)
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Train doodles
#batsona#traditional art#pen sketch#bat#suit#i love them#anyway hello there#i miss drawing so much I need assistance#I'll have Scarce free time until june~july tho so i won't be posting as much as I'd like here#screaming#i wanns draw so many things#crawling up the walls#i may post some rougher sketches like this here for a while since that's all I'll get to do (if I have time for even that dhfjgjgkh)#so yeah#see u all hope you're doing well#i appreciate that some people follow an art blog as self indulgent as this honestly shfngng#makes me happy
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first psychiatry appointment done. feeling....weird about it.
(venting in the tags. cw for what might be transphobia but i'm not entirely sure lmao)
#vent post#tw vent post#she prescribed zoloft which alright whatever i expected that#but what got to me/rubbed me the wrong way was how she responded to me saying i was trans#she didn't ask me my pronouns or my gender identity. she jumped right into 'when did you first know you were a boy'#and i was already kind of messed up at that point (crying about other stuff) so it caught me off guard and I froze#like. i'm not a boy. i didn't say i was a boy.#but i didn't correct her and didn't get the chance to LATER because when I said 'well I figured it out in like 7th-8th grade'#she started talking about how MOST people figure out they're trans between the ages of 4-5 and how there's a lot of#''''''social pressure'''''' nowadays WHATEVER THAT MEANS??#and i was like. well okay. fuck me I guess my experiences aren't valid then??#and then she got kind of awkward about it and moved on so i never got the chance to actually. explain my gender identity#idk. the more i think about it the angrier i get. both at myself for not speaking up and her for saying that kind of shit at all#anyways i'm hoping she has nothing to do with my transition when I go to the endocrin people and talk to them abt it in July#and like she was nice and kind about pretty much everything else. it was just that one thing.#i also feel weird because i overheard the secretary guy tell somebody over the phone that she doesn't like to prescribe#stimulants even to people who have previously been diagnosed with ADHD which. ???? isn't that. the treatment for ADHD???#which makes me nervous because EYE am going to get tested for ADHD and other such potential neurodivergencies and like.#is she not going to prescribe meds for them if I do have those things?? and what if the testing comes back and I AM autistic#is she going to invalidate that too because there's so many people online who think they're autistic nowadays???#this all on top of the fact that i had a massive massive panic attack trying to find parking downtown where her office is so I was#already fraazzled and out of it going into the appointment lmao#ahem. so anyway. today has been so rough and I want to sleep for 60000 years.#OH OH OH OH AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 'yeah i took a 10mg thc gummy once but it gave me a massively bad panic attack'#she was like. 'good! I'm glad you reacted like that' and ??? what the hell? that also kinda took me aback. like. wtf??#why would you be glad that I had a panic attack so bad I almost called 911 and got myself taken to a hospital. like. hello.
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not to be dramatic but I literally feel like Iām going insane lol
#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I donāt know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly Iām not conveying#how I feel very well but Iām so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily#just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole āam I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myselfā#okay Iām really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I havenāt the slightest clue what Iām gonna do next#year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city#and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate#which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic#In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate#also itās the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and itās very early to judge#but I already feel like Iām going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that#Iām just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr#the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that āeverything works out in the endā saying bc I really do believe that#even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and Iām directionless and I want to kill myself#whenever I think about the book Iām reading it will all be okay#anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didnāt eat breakfast or could you tell#carmen.txt
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Embodied Elle Woods too much and now I'm a few months from graduating law school and am about to make my first Court appearance and argue in front of a Judge as a Certified Legal Intern to get my client their money š«”
#my conference is in like 2 weeks and im terrified i had to take today off to take my mind off of it#i also finalized 2 divorces for my other clients (with a 3rd divorce about to be finalized in the next week as well)#how did this HAPPEN#i used to work at DISPENSARIES SELLING WEED#although i am trying to get a corporate dispensary job after I take the PA Bar next July#but seriously!!! who let this happen!!!!!#i was the first in my family to even GO to college and that almost didnt happen bc that shit was EXPENSIVE#i am literally only where i am today bc i had academic scholarships and took out a shitton of student loans!!#thank god none of my student loans are private but jesus#i just want to read my silly little books and watch d20#and now i have to be RESPONSIBLE#im even volunteering for voter protection this election!!! (just making sure peoples vote get counted)#also i realize these posts pretty much doxx myself if you know my irl so if you see this and you know me irl#no the fuck you don't#i know at least one of my law school friends is on here and i refuse to tell her my tumblr#so if anyone irl can guess who i am from my personal posts here please block me
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guess who got stung by a yellowjacket today???
#I shouldnāt have been at work~ even my fucking owners said we shouldnāt have been open#to which I internally was like āmotherfuckers YOU OWN THIS BUSINESS!!! YOU CAN CHOOSE TO CLOSEā#anyway. Iām fine honestly#I didnāt even realize it until I was walking away from the nest#I disturbed and felt an itching on my thigh#and went āhuh. thatās a little painful and itchy. oh dear.ā#and yeah. thereās a big old welp there#Iām not allergic or anything so allās well. but I was just like āyeah. that sums up todayā#stayed up several hours this morning bc my dadās stitches ripped and he went to the er to get the bleeding to stop!#and everyone at work was trying to stay awake cause they all had shit going on cause#yesterday was July 4th! nobody slept all night! people tried to celebrate!#why were we open!!!!!!!#anyway prayers I get a new better paying job soon. Iām tired#my posts
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